#when the dude is dressed like a picnic table

[kenziekugler22]

🙃 “be you if you like wear it” -yelich

[cultofdixon]

Within Your Warmth

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Y/N finally found a place to sleep and Daryl was going to hit anybody that disturbs her • SFW • TW: Sleep Deprivation

Requested by: Anon

“You coming to the bonfire Rick has going on later?” Rosita asks Y/N while she was in the middle of her fifth task of the day, pantry restock.

“Yeah, if I’m not too exhausted”

“Well there will be alcohol. The new dude Greyson found a case of beers on his run the other day with Eugene.” Rosita hopped up on the only stool in the pantry watching her best friend work. “Even Eugene found a good scotch”

“Now that’s what I’m here for” Y/N laughs lightly finishing the canned goods and about to start putting away the new jarred stuff from Oceanside. “Do you know if Daryl is gonna be there?”

Y/N could sense the smirk on her face resulting in a groan as Rosita quickly popped off the stool bringing herself up behind her bestie.

“The Daryl Dixon? The one you’ve been crushing on since longer before I came along?”

“Yes. That Daryl Dixon”

“So…if Daryl were to come then you’d for sure come?”

“I guess—“ and with that Rosita left the pantry, leaving a confused Y/N to continue doing what she was doing before heading onto the next task.

The bonfire was happening at Alexandria. They rotate through the communities every couple days to keep the connection between their families…even if Maggie doesn’t want to step foot in Alexandria as long as he lives. Daryl was currently residing in the Sanctuary after being tasked to keep an eye on the community which felt more like a punishment and only two people understood that. Carol and Y/N. When Rosita left to find him, she half expected him to be inside yelling at someone. Instead he was working on the gardening plots with a green thumb from the Kingdom and a few Saviors that turned for good.

“Dixon” Rosita brought on her tough exterior when talking to the man in hopes that her asks would be given a positive answer. “I have to ask you something”

“If it’s about the bonfire bullshit, I’m going”

“It’s about——“ Rosita paused, relaxing her shoulders. “Wait. Seriously?”

“Rick asked, so did Aaron. You just missed them” Daryl handed the hoe off to one of the Saviors so he could get close to Rosita. “Why are you askin’?”

“It’s more so trying to get another to go tonight.”

“Huh?”

“Y/N said she’d go if you do…so does that confirm the mutual feeling that brews between the two of you?” Rosita smirks trying to get more out of the archer but he continued to have the same deadpan look from before. Her shoulders instantly slumped and the smirk faded. “Alright, loverboy…I’ll see you tonight”

“Mhm” Daryl let out a small chuckle before returning to work while Rosita headed off.

As the night came and the bonfire was starting, Daryl leaned against the picnic table holding all the goodies they brought out scanning around the intimate event in search for Y/N. Who so happened to be the last to arrive even if she lives in the vicinity.

“Where the hell have you been?” Rosita pulled Y/N aside when she was about to make small talk with someone.

“Uh. My watch shift? I just got relieved”

“What the hell?”

“What? I wasn’t gonna halt my work load for the day to doll myself up for a man who’s probably equally as tired as I am”

“Well hate to disappoint but the man is question” Rosita gently took a hold of her chin, directing her to look at Daryl while he was in the middle of a conversation with Gabriel. “Seems to have showered and dressed nicer than usual. I wonder who it’s for”

Y/N can’t deny that Daryl did indeed look extremely well put together. Did everything they used to beg him to do when they first arrived to Alexandria.

“I’m gonna go see how he’s doing” Y/N shot a smile his way which definitely caught his attention, but when she parted from Rosita to make her way over…she got stopped by Ezekiel and couldn’t just cut her friend off.

Daryl felt his small smile falter when she got pulled away not just once, but a handful of times throughout the night. He hasn’t even seen her eat or drink anything. Y/N was very popular that night and everybody wanted to talk to her, he wanted too as well but no window opened.

Until she was sat in one of the outdoor chairs by the fire, Daryl instantly took the empty one beside her and watched her tiredly look at him.

“Sorry was this—-“

“I’ve been trying to talk to you all night…” Y/N sighs, finally relaxing and keeping her attention on him. “I miss you”

The heat instantly made itself present on the tips of his ears as he tried to fight back a smile.

“Missed yea too sunshine”

The two caught up on what the other has missed regarding their community, ending with Y/N talking about how much Rick is an idiot for having Daryl watch the Sanctuary. A few share that same thought but hers had a whole other meaning.

“You staying the night here?”

“Yeah, figured they’d survive a night without me” Daryl scoffs finishing his beer as Y/N curled up slightly in her chair to get more comfortable.

“Well…I still stay at Rick and Michonne’s. No one touched your room if you’d like to stay there”

“I was actually planning on it…”

“Good” Y/N continues to hold her smile that he will always take a mental picture of. Before she could get another word, Rick quickly cut in to ask Daryl himself about any updates for the Sanctuary.

Which lead the exhaustion to finally hit Y/N after a long day.

When his conversation ended by Rick running off to catch up with Ezekiel, Daryl was going to return to his with Y/N but noticed she fell asleep in her chair. So instead of waking her, he sat with her and made sure no one disturbed her.

Daryl shooed away people, even tossed his empty beer bottle at Aaron who tried to start a conversation (thankfully he caught it)…eventually he got up from his spot and carefully picked up Y/N bridal style which led her to stir awake enough to realize what was happening.

“Oh…”

“You’re alright, imma take yea home”

“Okay, long day” Y/N mumbles resting her head against his chest closing her eyes once more.

On the way to the Grimes residence, Rosita and Michonne went up to make sure Y/N was okay but Daryl quickly gave them a look to back off gently. Nothing was wrong. Thankfully they both understood.

“Who woulda thought it took having Y/N do a lot of shit today to have this tonight” Michonne stated, taking a sip of her scotch as Rosita choked on her beer.

“You’re also trying to get them together?”

“Please. I’ve been trying since our prison days. At least she can finally rest easy tonight…it’s been hard for her with Daryl at the Sanctuary”

“I bet…” Rosita continued to watch the two walk off before leaning close to Michonne with a smirk. “What’d yea win in the bet with Carol?”

“Three night shifts for the bridge camp”

“Nice”

Once they got inside the house and upstairs to Y/N’s room, Daryl gently laid her in the bed before grabbing a blanket draping it over her carefully. What he least expected, Y/N gently took his wrist tugging him back to the bed as he caught the hint or so he thought by bringing him low enough for her to wrap his arms around him.

“Lay with me…”

“Are you su—-“

“I’ve missed you so much Daryl, I’m not letting go of you that easily”

The archer didn’t wait another moment and quickly kicked off his shoes before climbing into the bed laying on top of her. Y/N let him adjust to where his head rested comfortably on her chest letting her run her fingers through his hair.

A satisfied sigh left Daryl’s lips holding her as she held him in a way where she wasn’t going to let go easily.

And he’s thankful for that

[valentoru]

|| Limitless ||

[CHAPTER 15]

SYNOPSIS: Gojo Satoru, a big time artist, who’s known for leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake wherever he goes. And you, the lead guitarist of an upcoming band, who’s absolutely certain that no one will ever love you. Through an accident in which you happened to kiss Gojo in a frantic state, you both decide, via convenience alone—and zero regard for both of your managers—to pull a fake dating stunt what could go wrong? Any press is good press…right?

PREVIOUS : MASTERLIST : NEXT

“Now go right.”

“Got it.” Megumi’s finger flicked the indicator. A clicking sound filling the small car. “Going right.”

“No don’t listen to Inumaki. Turn left.”

Inumaki, who had now apologised to you for lashing out at you, leaned forward and swatted Maki’s arm. “Megumi, trust me. Maki’s never been to the farm. It’s on the right.”

“Google Maps says left.”

“Google Maps is wrong.”

“What do I do?” Megumi made a face in the rearview mirror. “Left or right? N/N, what do I do?”

In the back seat, you looked up from the car window and shrugged. “Try right; if it’s wrong, we’ll just turn around.” You shot Maki a quick apologetic glance, but she and Inumaki were too busy mock-glaring each other to notice.

Megumi grimaced, though his voices stayed his usually monotone, “We’ll be late. God; I hate these stupid picnics.”

“We are, like”—you glanced at the cars clock—“one hour late already, I think we can add an extra ten minutes to that. I just hope there’s some food left.” Your stomach had been growling for the past two hours, and there was no way everyone in the car hadn’t noticed.

After the minor argument you’d had with Satoru over text, you’d been tempted to simply skip the picnic. Hole yourself up in your room and practice the drums—just like you had all weekend—ignore the fact you had told him to fuck off in one of the messages later on, and with every little reason. You could use the time to work on a report you were doing for your friend, which was providing a trickery time than you had originally thought when agreeing to it—probably because you were essentially unprepared for everything. But you’d changed your mind last minute, telling yourself that you’d promised Satoru you’d meet here and show off to the department chair. It would be unfair of you to back out after he’d done more than his share of the deal when it came to convincing Maki.

That was of course in the very unlikely case he still wanted anything to do with you.

“Don’t worry, Megumi,” Maki said. “We’ll get there eventually. If anyone asks lest say that a mountain lion attacked us. God, why is it so hot? I bought sunblock, by the way. SPF thirty and fifty. No one is going anywhere without putting it on.”

In the back seat you, Yuta and Inumaki exchanged a resigned look, well acquainted with Maki’s sunscreen obsession.

The picnic was in full swing when you finally arrived, as crowded as most events with free food. You made a beeline for the tables and waved at your advisor, who was sitting in the shade of a giant oak tree with other PR advisors. You’d advisor waved back. No doubt please to see that her advice is probably what got you here. You smiled weakly in a valiant attempt to not look resentful, grabbed a cluster of white grapes, and popped one into your mouth while letting your gaze wander around the fields.

Maki was right. This may was uncommonly hot. There were people everywhere, sitting on the lawn chairs, laying down in the grass, walking in and out of barns—all enjoying the whether. A few were eating from plastic plates on folding tables close to the main house. There were at least thirty games going on—a verity of ball games, some with the players standing in a circled, a soccer match, and something that involved a frisbee and over a dozen half dressed dudes.

“What are they even playing?” You asked Maki. You spotted Choso tackle someone from admin and looked back to the almost empty tables, cringing. Slim picking was all that was left. You wanted a sandwich. A bag of chips. Anything.

“Ultimate Frisbee, i think? I don’t know. Did you put on sunblock? You’re wearing a tank top and shorts, so you really should.”

You but into another grape. “You Americans and your fake sports.”

“I’m pretty sure there are Canadian tournaments of Ultimate Frisbee, too. You know what’s not fake?”

She paused and you looked at her.

“Melanoma. Put on some sunscreen.”

“I will, Mom.” You smiled. “Can I eat first?”

“Eat what? There’s nothing left. Oh, there’s some corn bread over there.”

“Oh, cool. Pass it over.”

“Don’t eat the corn bread, guys.” Yuta popped up between you and Maki. “Yuji said that some guys needed all over it. Where did Megumi go?”

“Parking—holy shit.”

You looked up from your perusal of the table, alarmed by the urgency in Maki’s tone. “What?”

“Just, holy shit.”

“Yeah, what—”

“Holy shit.”

“You mentioned that already.”

“Because—holy shit.”

You glanced around trying to figure out what was going on. “What is—oh there’s Megumi. Maybe he found something to eat?”

“Is that Gojo?”

You were already walking toward Megumi to find something edible and skip the whole sunscreen nonsense altogether but when you heard Satoru’s name, you stopped dead in your tracks. Or maybe it wasn’t Satoru’s names but the way Maki was saying it. “What? Where?”

Yuta pointed at the Ultimate Frisbee crowd, his white hair sticking out like a sore thumb. “That’s him, right? Shirtless?”

“Holy shit,” Maki repeated, her vocabulary suddenly pretty limited, given here twenty something years speaking English. “Is that a six-pack?”

Yuta blinked. “Might even be an eight-pack.”

“Are those his real shoulder?” Maki asked. “Did he have shoulder-enhancement surgery?”

“That must be how he used the contract money,” Inumaki said. “I don’t think shoulders like that exist in nature.”

“God, is that Gojo’s chest?” Megumi leaned his chin over your shoulder “was that thing under his shirt while he was being a dick and shredding my chords a new one? N/N why didn’t you say he was shredded?”

You just stood there, rooted to the ground, arms dangling uselessly at your sides. Because I didn’t know. Because i had no idea. Or maybe you had, a bit, from seeing him push that truck the yesterday—though you’d been trying to suppress that particular mental image.

“Unbelievable” Maki pulled your hand toward herself, overturning it to squirt a healthy dose of sun cream on your palm. “Here, put this in your shoulders. And your legs. And your face, too—you’re probably at thought risk for all sorts of skin stuff, freckles McFreckleface. Megs, you too.”

You nodded numbly and began to massage the sunscreen into your arms and thighs. You breathed in the smell of coconut oil; trying really hard not to the about Satoru and about the fact he really did look like that. Mostly failing, but hey.

“Are there actual studies?” Yuta asked.

“Mmm?” Maki was pulling her hair into a bun.

“On the link between freckles and skin cancer”

“I don’t know.”

“Feels like there would be.”

“True. I wanna know now.”

“Hold on. Is there Wi-Fi here?”

“N/N do you have internet?”

You wiped your hands in a napkin that looked mostly unused. “I left my phone in Megumi’s car.”

You turned your head away from Maki and Yuta who were studying the screen of Yuta’s iPhone, until you had a good view of the Ultimate Frisbees group—fourteen men and zero women. It probably had to go with the general excess if testosterone in your work place. At least half of the players were people you were sure you’d never seen before except Satoru, of course, and Geto, and Yuji who despite his usual jittery self and then was doing a fairly good job at not-jittering to say he’s usually pumped up with caffeine to a point of concern. All men were equally shirtless. Though, no. Not equal at all. There was nothing equal about Satoru.

You weren’t like this. You were really not. You could count the number of guys you’d been this viscerally attracted to on one hand. Actually—on one finger. And at the moment said guy was running towards you, because Suguru Geto, and bless his heart, had just thrown the Frisbee way too clumsily, and it was now in a patch of grass approximately ten feet from you. And Satoru, shirtless Satoru, just happened to be the one closest to where it landed.

“Oh, check out this paper.” Yuta sounded excited.

“Khalesi et al., 2013. It’s a meta-analysis. ‘Cutaneous markers of photo-damage and risk of basal cell carcinoma of the skin.’ In cancer epidemiology, biomarkers and prevention.”

Yuta fist pumped. “Y/N are you listening?”

Nope. No, you were not. You were mostly trying to help the your brain, and your eyes, too. Of your fake boyfriend and the sudden warm ache in your stomach. You just wished that you were elsewhere. That you were temporarily blind and deaf.

“Hear this: solar lentigines had weak but positive association with basal cell carcinoma, with odds ratios around 1.5. Okay i don’t like this. Yuta hold the phone. I’m giving Y/N more sunscreen. Here’s SPF fifty; it’s probably what you need.”

You tore your eyes from Satoru’s chest, which was alarmingly close, and turned around, stepping away from Maki. “Wait. I already put some on.”

“Y/N,” Maki told you, with that sensible, motherly tone she used whenever you dipped and confessed that you mostly got your veggie servings from french fries, or that you washed your colours and whites in the same load. “You know the literature.”

“I do not know the literature, and neither do you, you just know one line from one abstract and—”

Maki grabbed your hand again and poured half a gallon of lotion in it. So much of it that you had to use your left palm to prevent it from spilling over—until you were just standing there like an idiot, you hands cupped like a beggar as you half frowns in goddamn sunscreen.

“Here you go.” Maki smiled brightly. “Now you can protect yourself from basal cell carcinoma. Which, frankly, sounds awful.”

“I…” you would have face-palmed, if you’d had the freedom to move your upper limbs. “I hate sunscreen. It’s sticky and it makes me smell like a piña colada and—this is way too much.”

“Just put on as much as your skin will absorb. Especially around the freckled areas. The rest you can share with someone.”

“Okay. Maki, you take some, you too Megumi. You’re a pale for God’s sake.”

“Pale with no freckles, though.” He smiled proudly like he’d created his genotype all on his own.

You turned to Yuta. “I already put on a ton. Thanks, babe.” He leans down for a brief kiss to Maki’s cheek, which almost devolved into a make out session.

You tried not to sigh. “Guys, what do I do with this?”

“Just find someone else. Where did Inumaki go?”

Yuta snorted. “Over there, with Sukuna.”

“Sukuna?”

“Yeah that sadist that’s related to Yuji in some way but none of us know how, you know the one.”

“Is he pissing him off? Or—”

“Guys.” It took all you had not to yell. “I have no mobility. Please, fix this sunscreen mess you created.”

“God, N/N” Maki rolled her eyes. “Your so dramatic sometimes. Hang on—” she waved at someone behind your, and when she spoke her voice was much louder. “Hey, Gojo! Have you put on sunscreen yet?”

In the span of a microsecond your entire brain burst into flames then crumbled into a pile of ashes. Just like that, one hundred million neurones, one thousand billion glial cells, and who knows how many millilitres of cerebrospinal fluid, just ceased to exist. The rest of your body was not doing very well, either, since you could feel your organs shut down in real time. From the very beginning of your acquaintance with Satoru there had been about ten instances of you wishing to drop dead on the spot, for the earth to open up and swallow your whole, for a cataclysm to hit and spare you from the embarrassment of your interactions. This time, though it felt as though the end of the world might happen for real.

Don’t turn around, what’s left of your central nervous system told you. Pretend you didn’t hear Maki. Will this into nonexistence. But it was impossible. There was this triangle of sorts, formed by You, Maki in front of you, and Satoru probably—surely—standing behind you; it wasn’t as if your had a choice. Any choice. Especially when Satoru, who couldn’t possibly imagine the depraved direction of Maki’s thoughts, who couldn’t possibly see the bucketful of sunscreen that had taken residence in your hands, said, “No.”

Well. Shit.

You spun around, and there he was—sweaty holding a Frisbee in his left hand and so very, very shirtless. He walked over to you, a perplexed look briefly occupying his face before he returned to his regular stoic one, then one of slight shock upon seeing your hands. He knew exactly what was coming.

“Perfect. Y/N has some extra, why don’t you let her put it on you?” Somehow the complete severity of the situation only just dawned on you when the words left Maki’s lips. You were going to have to touch him. Touch his abs. And his large shoulder blades. His large shoulders—

“Oh okay, sure.” He threw the Frisbee back to the game telling them that he had to do something. Your eyes shot to him. Why was he agreeing to this? Many thoughts circled your mind. The main one being panic. You couldn’t do this. No way. There was no way you would lather Satoru Gojo in sunscreen in front of every person you have ever—and will ever know. Your eyes flickered between the sunscreen in your hands and Satoru’s broad chest. You were not going to do this. No way in hell. You couldn’t. And yet the sunscreen in your hands had started to seep through the cracks in your hands leaving you with only one choice.

Fuck your life, for a real one.

You took once glance at Satoru to check his expression, you wanted him to retract his former statement, tell you that it was absolutely unacceptable considering the fact that you had only known this guy for a little over two months now and had spoken to him a total of twenty-three times and hardly knew anything about him. And despite all that wishing his expression didn’t change.

You raised your hand and started to massage the sunscreen into his chest. His firm chest. You tried your very best not to panic, but the sweat began to collect in your hairline and the way that the sun was shining on you there was no doubt he could see it, glistening.

“Y/N.” Satoru said, it wasn’t loud enough that the group now behind you could hear but it was loud enough that you could hear. You looked up at him, his mouth did one of those twitch-things of his again. “Don’t worry about it.”

You heaved a sigh. He was right, you guys were going to find yourself in situations like this all the time now, considering you had a track record for it with Maki. However that didn’t make the situation any less embarrassing. If anything that made you more embarrassed at the mere thought of something of this monstrosity happening ever again. Part of you couldn’t believe what you had gotten yourself into the other part told you you were insane. Of course this was your life, of course because what other purpose would your best friend had than to make it hell?

You continued to massage it into his skin. “Hey, Y/N are you good for a room when we go to Geto’s thing?” Your head whipped around to Maki as a small seed of anxiety planted itself in your thoughts. What on earth could that question entail?

“I thought we’d be sharing?”

“Well, about that. I’m going to share with Yuta, do you mind?”

Right, of course. “No! Not at all.” You forced a tight smile onto your face and looked back at Satoru, trying to focus all your attention on him.

“You’re gonna be okay for getting a room? You’re sure?”

“Positive!” You were lying to your best friend. While it felt shitty this is what you had wanted, this is what you had asked for at the start of all this, you had to be happy.

You focused fully on Satoru, blocking all of the thoughts about how you were going to stay in LA for a week out of your head and to be thought about on a later date. By now, you had fully coated Satoru’s front. You looked up at him. He cocked his head ever so slightly. His thick brown hair sticking to his forehead.

“Can you turn around? I finished your front.” He nodded then turned around. You were now met with his back. Holy shit was his back big. You couldn’t see all his muscles. Which wasn’t something you were typically attracted too but considering when he’s dressed he looks so skinny, his sleeper build was causing that heat to erupt in your stomach again. You were going to fight it off but you were interrupted by Satoru’s awkward swaying, you’d been buried in your mind for far too long.

You began to massage the sunscreen into his back, his muscles moved a little, jolting when you hit tight spots. This felt wrong. Like an outer body experience. Part of you thought you were going to double down on yourself at any moment. It was all just too much. You wanted you laugh at the pure idiocy of the situation but at the same time you wanted to cry at it. It was wrong—on every level possible.

You finished his back as fast as you could finishing it off with two taps on his back to let him know you were done—something you would cringe about when trying to fall asleep that night. He turned back to you. You looked at him, straining your neck. Why was he so goddamn tall?

“Well, thank you Y/N and thank you Maki for…watching out for me?” With that he ran back to the game. Maybe he was still annoyed at you for yesterday’s mini argument. You stood rooted to the spot for a moment before turning around and grabbing the same napkin you had used the first time to wipe your hands and wiped them again.

“Wow.” Megumi said, approaching you. “That was an insane amount of sexual tension I just saw.”

You whipped your head around to Megumi, a breathy laugh forcing out of your lungs. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Megs.”

“That was like hella sexual. You just lathered him up N/N.”

“So what? It’s just an acquaintance helping an acquaintance.”

“Psh. Yeah right.”

“What? I’m being serious Megumi.” Your voice went a few octaves higher than you would have liked.

“Sure. If you guys ever fuck don’t say I didn’t tell you it would happen.” You rolled your eyes and shoved his shoulder. He dramatically stumbled away from you causing you to roll your eyes once again. Before he could get back up you walked over to Yuta and Maki who were now finally joined by Inumaki.

“Y/N I just saw that scene with Gojo when I was talking to Sukuna, what was with the PDA?”

You stared at him. Dumbfound.

“Well come on. You used to complain about how gross couples who publicly doted on each were, where’s that same energy now?”

You stared at him a second more. Toge Inumaki. Your childhood “best friend” and known for being a notorious asshole when it came to teasing. There was nothing Toge did better then pissing people off, which was being shown ever so clearly to you in that moment, one of the main factors to answer for why people don’t like him.

It took you more than physically restraint to not tell him to fuck off, or to sock him right in the face, instead you opted for the latter’s latter and shoved his head back, plopping yourself next to Maki leaving a spot for Megumi next to you.

You would be counting down the seconds till you could go home.

TAGLIST(33/50): @bbmsxlene @lunavelha @satoryaa @tranzumaki @k-kkiana @luvkvni @lysaray @kalulakunundrum @arysbruv @r4veeen @stillnotherapy @catobsessedlady @colortheoryrocks @minzxec @dazqa @packsvlog @luvvmae @simplysm1le @mintfyi @disenchantedzs @littlecritteryay @fackeraccount @astro-stars @lavender-hvze @miizuzu @rayrayline @kanaojacksonofc @letsmyy @serenadesvt @art-n-rot @aastrobliss @herdemisee @tikideedee

AN:

…Heh…

It feels so jobless to ask you guys to talk to me in my ask box….

Bruh this chap is SO DUMB

© valentoru all rights reserved- do not publish my work on other platforms, plagiarise or translate.

[willowthefoxxo]

im sorry little dude but that outfit is ugly as SHIT

like. who designed your outfit.

who thought this was a good idea

that does NOT look good lil bro

only good part of that trainwreck is the jacket.

like. why do you have the bottom of a picnic table patterned shirt sticking out from under your main shirt. what is that tie doing there.

and most importantly, what the FUCK are those GODDAMN CACKEYS

NOBODY WEARS FUCKING CACKEYS

AND DEFINITELY NOT WITH THAT FANCY ASS TOP AND A STREETWEAR JACKET

bro looks like a butler on the top, a golf dad on the bottom, and then they just slapped a genuinely cool streetwear jacket on top of it all

like what the hell man WHO DRESSED YOU

WHO MADE YOU WEAR THIS SHIT

also those godforsaken cackeys are dangerously close to this idiot's skin color. literally when i first noticed them it looked like he didn't have any pants like i had to full on QUADRUPLE TAKE to make sure i was just tripping and he actually had pants on dear fucking god

[circe69]

bar fights and strobe lights

simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader cw: mentions of sexual harassment, mentions of alcohol, reader wears dress tags: soft!simon, protective!simon, simon saves you from a weird dude, tooth rotting fluff sorry ghost has really really good (non-canonical) rizz but it's not my fault you guys deserve someone who knows how to talk to you!

Tonight was your 21st birthday, and you decided to celebrate by going to a bar with your friends. It was a famous bar, one that you had heard being talked about for months.

You were wearing a black dress, one that fit your curves well and came a few inches above your knees. It's spaghetti straps wrapped around your shoulders snugly, and you had draped your cardigan over the barstool you were sitting at.

The friends you that had come with had selfishly left a few minutes prior to try and find guys to spend the rest of the evening with. You were sitting, drinking a drink on the house and quietly trying to observe people around you.

While trying to make up stories in your head about all the people you saw, a tall man wearing a skull face balaclava caught your eyes. Even when sitting down, he was probably taller than you. He drank carefully, didn't talk to many people. His eyes wandered around the room until they stopped on you.

His eyes widened, watching the strobe lights wander around your figure. He scanned the entirety of you, watching you watch him. He looked scary but so sweet at the same time.

A gentle monster, you thought to yourself.

All the sudden, you felt a calloused hand grab your bare arm. Goosebumps erupted through your skin as the grip tightened. You turned around quickly, finding the face of a man who you'd never seen before. His other hand found your waist and gripped hard, dragging you out of the stool.

You planted your heels into the sticky floor, but it was no use. Your voice was quaky and broken as you yelled out, "Please, let go." His eyes looked cold and dangerous. You cried out again, "Let go!"

A few heads turned, but no one got up. The man kept walking, eyes on the door. You tried to get out of his disgusting grip when out of nowhere, you hear a loud voice call out, "Get your hands off f' her."

His demeanor was terrifying, his boots stomping on the floor as he took his gun out of his holster. It was the man. The man with the Ghost mask.

Ghost slammed the pistol against the man's head, and he dropped to the floor. You were shaking as the man's grip slid off of you, and almost fell over as Ghost caught you. He abruptly picked you up, one arm under your knees and one cradling you around your neck. His feet clanked across the floor as he whisked you outside. His arms were warm under your cold skin, and his large hands made you feel more protected than you'd ever felt.

He set you down on a picnic table, carefully laying you down on the table as he took a kneel on the bench.

"Are you hurt?" His voice had gone from terrifying to gentle within seconds. You shook your head to respond no, still shaken up.

He exhaled, "Bastard. I've seen 'em before, but he's never been as bold as he was tonight." He didn't speak in any tone except for a soft whisper, his British accent calming any fears you had.

He scanned over your body again, and you remembered moments before the incident. You had seen his curious eyes in this state before. You liked it.

His eyes wandered over your body and stopped at your eyes, surprised to see you were watching him the whole time. He placed his hands on both sides of your head, deepening the eye contact.

"You sure you'll alright?" Somehow, he spoke even softer, almost like he was trying not to scare you.

"I'm okay," you breathed shakily. His eyes widened at the sound of your voice.

"She speaks." Ghost teased as he let his hand slide up the distance of your arm slowly. You could see his eyes smiling through the holes of his mask, but you wanted to feel it for yourself, so you placed your hand on his covered cheek, gently sweeping underneath the fabric and stroking his lips with your thumb.

He seemed surprised, but not scared. He melted underneath your touch, slightly opening his mouth to kiss your cold fingers.

"Thank you. For saving me."

You felt his smile under your fingers.

"Anytime," he said, "Just call, 'n I'll be there."

"How can I call you if I don't know your name?" You teased, slightly regaining your sense of humor. He hopped off of you, slightly squeezing your waist as he responded,

"It's Simon. Simon Riley."

"Simon," you repeated, trying to taste him on your tongue. You sat up, placing your feet on both sides of him. He was sitting on the bench, and now you were looking down at him.

"I'm Y/N," you said, holding your hand out.

He took a pen out of his breast pocket and uncapped it. He repeated back your name as he took your hand and wrote a phone number on the back of it.

"Y/N." Simon said slowly, experimenting with all the syllables he could.

"Call me, Y/N. Please." He gently kissed the back of your hand where he had written the number and stood up from the bench.

You were left sitting, gawking at how good this man was at swooning you. From the looks of it, he didn't seem like the kind of person to have any social skills whatsoever, but Simon Riley seemed to prove you wrong.

You whispered to yourself as you hopped off the table,

"Will do, Simon."

[archivxx]

✯[0.11-extra]✯

Main story.| Previous || Next

AN: this comes before 0.11

Note: there is a significant link between the amount of sunscreen poured in my hands and the intensity of my desire to murder Nichole.

“Now go right.”

“Got it.” Kyle’s finger flicked the indicator. A clicking sound filling the small car. “Going right.”

“No don’t listen to Craig. Turn left.”

Craig leaned forward and swatted Nichole’s arm. “Kyle, trust me. Nicholes never been to the farm. It’s on the right.”

“Google Maps says left.”

“Google Maps is wrong.”

“What do I do?” Kyle made a face in the rearview mirror. “Left or right? N/N, what do I do?”

In the back seat, you looked up from the car window and shrugged. “Try right; if it’s wrong, we’ll just turn around.” You shot Nichole a quick apologetic glance, but she and Craig were too busy mock-glaring each other to notice.

Kyle grimaced. “We’ll be late. God; I hate these stupid picnics.”

“We are, like”—you glanced at the cars clock—“one hour late already, I think we can add an extra ten minutes to that. I just hope there’s some food left.” Your stomach had been growling for the past two hours, and there was no way everyone in the car hadn’t noticed.

After the minor argument you’d had with Clyde over text, you’d been tempted to simply skip the picnic. Hole yourself up in your room and practice the drums—just like you had all weekend—ignore the fact you had told him to fuck off in one of the messages later on, and with every little reason. You could use the time to work on a report you were doing for your friend, which was providing a trickery time than you had originally thought when agreeing to it—probably because you were essentially unprepared for everything. But you’d changed your mind last minute, telling yourself that you’d promised Clyde you’d meet here and show off to the department chair. It would be unfair of you to back out after he’d done more than his share of the deal when it came to convincing Nichole.

That was of course in the very unlikely case he still wanted anything to do with you.

“Don’t worry, Kyle,” Nichole said. “We’ll get there eventually. If anyone asks lest say that a mountain lion attacked us. God, why is it so hot? I bought sunblock, by the way. SPF thirsty and fifty. No one is going anywhere without putting it on.”

In the back seat you, Tolkien and Craig exchanged a resigned look, well acquainted with Nichole’s sunscreen obsession.

The picnic was in full swing when you finally arrived, as crowded as most events with free food. You made a beeline for the tables and waved at your advisor, who was sitting in the shade of a giant oak tree with other faculty members. You’d advisor waved back. No doubt please to see that her advice is probably what got you here. You smiled weakly in a valiant attempt to not look resentful, grabbed a Chester of white grapes, and popped one into your mouth while letting your gaze wander around the fields.

Nichole was right. This may was uncommonly hot. There were people everywhere, sitting on the lawn chairs, laying down in the grass, walking in and out of barns—all enjoying the whether. A few were eating from plastic plates on folding tables close to the main house. There were at least thirty games going on—a verity’s on valley ball with the players standing in a circled, a soccer match, and something that involved a frisbee and over a dozen half dressed dudes.

“What are they even playing?” You asked Nichole. You spotted Tweek tackle someone from admin and looked back to the almost empty tables, cringing. Slim picking was all that was left. You wanted a sandwich. A bag of chips. Anything.

“Ultimate Frisbee, i think? I don’t know. Did you put on sunblock? You’re wearing a tank top and shorts, so you really should.”

You but into another grape. “You Americans and your fake sports.”

“I’m pretty sure there are Canadian tournaments of Ultimate Frisbee, too. You know what’s not fake?”

“Melanoma. Put on some sunscreen.”

“I will, Mom.” You smiled. “Can I eat first?”

“Eat what? There’s nothing left. Oh, there’s some corn bread over there.”

“Oh, cool. Pass it over.”

“Don’t eat the corn bread, guys.” Tolkien popped up between you and Nichole. “Kenny said that some guys needed all over it. Where did Kyle go?”

“Parking—holy shit.”

You looked up from your perusal of the table, alarmed by the urgency in Nichole’s tone. “What?”

“Just, holy shit.”

“Yeah, what—”

“Holy shit.”

“You mentioned that already.”

“Because—holy shit.”

You glanced around trying to figure out what was going on. “What is—oh there’s Kyle. Maybe he found something to eat?”

“Is that Donovan?”

You were already walking toward Kyle to fine something edible and skip the whole sunscreen nonsense altogether but when you heard Clydes name, you stopped dead in your tracks. Or maybe it wasn’t Clydes names but the way Nichole’s was saying it. “What? Where?”

Tolkien pointed at the Ultimate Frisbee crowd. “That’s him, right? Shirtless?”

“Holy shit,” Nichole repeated, her vocabulary suddenly pretty limited, given here twenty something years speaking English. “Is that a six-pack?”

Tolkien blinked. “Might even be an eight-pack.”

“Are those his real shoulder?” Nichole asked. “Did he have shoulder-enhancement surgery?”

“That must be how he used the contract money,” Craig said. “I don’t think shoulders like that exist in nature.”

“God, is that Donovan’s chest?” Kyle leaned his chin over your shoulder “was that thing under his shirt while he was being a dick and shredding my chords a new one? N/N why didn’t you say he was shredded?”

You just stood there, rooted to the ground, arms dangling uselessly at your sides. Because I didn’t know. Because i had no idea. Or maybe you had, a bit, from seeing him push that truck the yesterday—though you’d been trying to suppress that particular mental image.

“Unbelievable” Nichole pulled your hand toward herself, overturning it to squirt a healthy dose of lost job on your palm. “Here, put this in your shoulders. And your legs. And your face, too—you’re probably at thought risk for all sorts of skin stuff, freckles McFreckleface. Ky, you too.”

You nodded numbly and began to massage the sunscreen into your arms and thighs. You breathed in the smell of coconut oil; trying really hard not to the about Clyde and about the fact he really did look like that. Mostly failing, but hey.

“Are there actual studies?” Tolkien asked.

“Mmm?” Nichole was pulling her hair into a bun.

“On the link between freckles and skin cancer”

“I don’t know.”

“Feels like there would be.”

“True. I wanna know now.”

“Hold on. Is there Wi-Fi here?”

“N/N do you have internet?”

You wiped your hands in a napkin that looked mostly unused. “I left my phone in Kyle’s car.”

You turned your head away from Nichole and Tolkien who were studying the screen of Tolkiens iPhone, until you had a good view of the Ultimate Frisbees group—fourteen men and zero women. It probably had to go with the general excess if testosterone in your work place. At least half of the players were people you were sure you’d never seen before except Clyde, of course, and Pete, and Tweek who despite his usual jittery self and then was doing a fairly good job at not-jittering to say he’s usually pumped up with caffeine to a point of concern. All men were equally shirtless. Though, no. Not equal at all. There was nothing equal about Clyde.

You weren’t like this. You were really not. You could count the number of guys your been this viscerally attracted to on one hand. Actually—on one finger. And at the moment said guy was running towards you, because Pete Thelman, and bless his heart, had just thrown the Frisbee way too clumsily, and it was now in a patch of grass approximately ten feet from you. And Clyde, shirtless Clyde, just happened to be the one closest to where it landed.

“Oh, check out this paper.” Tolkien sounded excited.

“Khalesi et al., 2013. It’s a meta-analysis. ‘Cutaneous markers of photo-damage and risk of basal cell carcinoma of the skin.’ In cancer epidemiology, biomarkers and prevention.”

Tolkien fist pumped. “Y/N are you listening?”

Nope. No, you were not. You were mostly trying to help the your brain, and your eyes, too. Of your fake boyfriend and the sudden warm ache in your stomach. You just wished that you were elsewhere. That you were temporarily blind and deaf.

“Hear this: solar lentigines had weak but positive association with basal cell carcinoma, with odds ratios around 1.5. Okay i don’t like this. Tolkien hold the phone. I’m giving Y/N more sunscreen. Here’s SPF fifty; it’s probably what you need.”

You tore your eyes from Clyde’s chest, no alarmingly close, and turned around, stepping away from Nichole. “Wait. I already put some on.”

“Y/N,” Nichole told you, with that sensible, motherly tone she used whenever you dipped and confessed that you mostly got your veggie servings from french fries, or that you washed your colours and whites in the same load. “You know the literature.”

“I do not know the literature, and neither do you, you just know one line from one abstract and—”

Nichole grabbed your hand again and poured half a gallon of lotion in it. So much of it that you had to use your left palm to prevent it from spilling over—until you were just standing there like an idiot, you hands cupped like a beggar as you half frowns in goddamn sunscreen.

“Here you go.” Nichole smiled brightly. “Now you can protect yourself from basal cell carcinoma. Which, frankly, sounds awful.”

“I…” you would have face-palmed, if you’d had the freedom to move your upper limbs. “I hate sunscreen. It’s sticky and it makes me smell like a piña colada and—this is way too much.”

“Just put on as much as your skin will absorb. Especially around the freckled areas. The rest you can share with someone.”

“Okay. Nichole, you take some, you too Kyle. You’re a ginger for God’s sake.”

“A redhead with no freckles, though.” He smiled proudly like he’d created his genotype all on his own.

You turned to Tolkien. “I already put on a ton. Thanks, babe.” He leans down for a brief kiss to Nichole’s cheek, which almost devolved into a make out session.

You tried not to sigh. “Guys, what do I do with this?”

“Just find someone else. Where did Craig go?”

Tolkien snorted. “Over there, with Scott.”

“Scott?”

“Yeah that guy with diabetes, you know the one.”

“Is he pissing him off? Or—”

“Guys.” It good all you had not to yell. “I have no mobility. Please, fix this sunscreen mess your created.”

“God, N/N” Nichole rolled her eyes. “Your so dramatic sometimes. Hang on—” she waved at someone behind your, and when she spoke her voice was much louder. “Hey, Donovan! Have you put on sunscreen yet?”

In the span of a microsecond your entire brain burst into flames then crumbled into a pile of ashes. Just like that, one hundred million neurones, one thousand billion glial cells, and who know how many millilitres of cerebrospinal fluid, just ceased to exist. The rest of your body was not doing very well, either, since you could feel your organs shut down in real time. From the very beginning of your acquaintance with Clyde there had been about ten instances of you wishing to drop dead on the spot, cor the earth to open up and swallow your whole, for a cataclysm to hit and spare you from the embarrassment of your interactions. This time, though it felt as though the end of the world might happen for real.

Don’t turn around, what’s left of your central nervous system told you. Pretend you didn’t hear Nichole. Will this into nonexistence. But it was impossible. There was this triangle of sorts, formed by You, Nichole in front of you, and Clyde probably—surely—standing behind you; it wasn’t as if your had a choice. Any choice. Especially when Clyde, who couldn’t possibly imagine the depraved direction of Nichole’s thoughts, who couldn’t possibly see the bucketful of sunscreen that had taken residence in your hands, said, “No.”

Well. Shit.

You spun around, and there he was—sweaty holding a Frisbee in his left hand and so very, very shirtless. He walked over to you, a perplexed look briefly occupying his face before he returned to his regular stoic one, then one of slight shock upon seeing your hands. He knew exactly what was coming.

“Perfect. Y/N has some extra, why don’t you let her put it on you?” Somehow the complete severity of the situation only just dawned on you when the words left Nichole’s lips. You were going to have to touch him. Touch his abs. And his large shoulder blades. His large shoulders—

“Oh okay, sure.” He threw the Frisbee back to the game telling them that he had to do something. Your eyes shot to him. Why was he agreeing to this? Many thoughts circled your mind. The main one being panic. You couldn’t do this. No way. There was no way you would lather Clyde Donovan in sunscreen in front of every person you have ever—and will ever know. Your eyes flickered between the sunscreen in your hands and Clyde’s broad chest. You were not going to do this. No way in hell. You couldn’t. And yet the sunscreen in your hands had starts to seep through the cracks in your hands leaving you with only one choice.

Fuck your life, for a real one.

You took once glance at Clyde to check his expression, you wanted him to retract his former statement, tell you that it was absolutely unacceptable considering the fact that you had only known this guy for a little over two month now and had spoken to him a total of twenty-three times and hardly knew anything about him. And despite all that wishing his expression didn’t change.

You raised your hand and started to massage the sunscreen into his chest. His firm chest. You tried your very best not you but the sweat began to collect in your hairline and the way that the sun was shining on you there was so doubt he could see it, glistening.

“Y/N.” Clyde said, it wasn’t loud enough that the group now behind you could hear but it was loud enough that your could hear. You looked up at him, his mouth did one of those twitch-things of his again. “Don’t worry about it.”

You heaved a sigh. He was right, you guys were going to find yourself in situations like this all the time now, considering you had a track record for it with Nichole. However that didn’t make the situation any less embarrassing. If anything that made you more embarrassed at the mere thought of something of this monstrosity happening ever again. Part of you couldn’t believe what you had gotten yourself into the other part told you you were insane. Of course this was your life, of course because what other purpose would your best friend had than to make it hell?

You continued to massage it into his skin. “Hey, Y/N are you good for a room when we go to Pete’s thing?” Your head whipped around to Nichole as a small seed of anxiety planted itself in your thoughts. What on earth could that question entail?

“I thought we’d be sharing?”

“Well, about that. I’m going to share with Tolkien, do you mind?”

Right, of course. “No! Not at all.” You forced a tight smile onto your face and looked back at Clyde, trying to focus all your attention on him.

“You’re gonna be okay for getting a room? You’re sure?”

“Positive!” You were lying to your best friend. While it felt shitty this is what you had wanted, this is what you had asked for at the start of all this, you had to be happy.

You focused fully on Clyde, blocking all of the thoughts about how you were going to stay in LA for a week out of your head and to be thought about on a later date. By now, you had fully coated Clydes front. You looked up at him. He cocked his head ever so slightly. His thick brown hair sticking to his forehead.

“Can you turn around? I finished your front.” He nodded then turned around. You were now met with his back. Holy shit was his back big. You couldn’t see all his muscles. Which wasn’t something you were typically attracted too but considering when he’s dressed he looks so skinny, his sleeper build was causing that heat to erupt in your stomach again. You were going to fight it off but you were interrupted by Clydes awkward swaying, you’d been buried in your mind for far too long.

You began to massage the sunscreen into his back, his muscles moved a little, jolting when you hit tight spots. This felt wrong. Like an outer body experience. Part of you thought you were going to double down on yourself at at moment. It was all just too much. You wanted you laugh at the pure idiocy of the situation but at the same time you wanted to cry at it. It was wrong—on every level possible.

You finished his back as fast as you could finishing it off with two taps on his back to let him know you were done—something you would cringe about when trying to fall asleep that night. He turned back to you. You looks at him, straining your neck. Why was he so goddamn tall?

“Well, thank you Y/N and thank you Nichole for…watching out for me?” With that he ran back to the game. Maybe he was still annoyed at you for the yesterdays mini argument. You stood rooted to the spot for a moment before turning around and grabbing the same napkin you had used the first time to wipe you hands and wiped them again.

“Wow.” Kyle said, approaching you. “That was an insane amount of sexual tension I just saw.”

You whipped your head around to Kyle, a breathy laugh forcing out of your lungs. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Ky.”

“That was like hella sexual. You just lathered him up N/N.”

“So what? It’s just an acquaintance helping an acquaintance.”

“Psh. Yeah right.”

“What? I’m being serious Kyle.” Your voice went a few octaves higher than you would have liked.

“Sure. If you guys ever fuck don’t say I didn’t tell you it would happen.” You rolled your eyes and shoved his shoulder. He dramatically stumbled away from you causing you to roll your eyes once again. Before he could get back up you walked over to Tolkien and Nichole who were now finally joined by Craig.

“Y/N I just saw that m scene with Donovan when I was talking to Scott, what was with the PDA?”

You stared at him. Dumbfound.

“Well come on. You used to complain about how gross couples who publicly doted on each were, where’s that same energy now?”

You stared at him a second more. Craig Tucker. Your childhood best friend and known for being a notorious asshole when it came to teasing. There was nothing Craig did better then pissing people off, which was being shown ever so clearly to you in that moment, one of the main factors to answer for why people don’t like him.

It took you more than physically restraint to not tell him to fuck off, or to sock him right in the face, instead you opted for the latter’s latter and shoved his head back, plopping yourself next to Nichole leaving a spot for Kyle next to you.

You would be counting down the seconds till you could go home.

Masterlist

Taglist: @bootsieboo @ryenwritess @h3artilly @southparktegreity @

[mightyflamethrower]

Senate Sodomite in Capitol Sex Tape Is the Latest Attempt by Biden to 'Bring Back Decency'

Once upon a time, a president whom I shall call "Slick Willy," using a form of sorcery unbeknownst to modern man, transformed a starry-eyed intern into a consensual humidor in the Oval Office.

Ta-DA!

Some believe the real magic was that he kept his job, but, as a Democrat, that was the easy part. And it was just the beginning.

Today, Joe Biden and his myrmidons in the Democrat Party are using their useful idiots to tear down every stitch of decency in American politics. They are doing this on purpose — as per the 45 goals of Communism — and are employing their most broken malcontents to carry out the mission.

FACT-O-RAMA! LOOK AT THESE THREE GOALS OF COMMUNISM;  6. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them “censorship” and a violation of free speech and press. 7.  Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in the media. 8.  Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as “normal, natural, and healthy.” 

I do not recall celebrating the 12th day of Christmas when my true love sent to me 10 drag queens a-twerkin'.

As reported earlier, a couple of barebackin', raw doggin' lads brilliantly filmed their foray into amateur porn in a Senate room, allegedly reserved under the name of Sen. Ben Cardin.

           RELATED:  Democratic Senate Staffer Filmed Gay Sex Tape in a Senate Hearing Room

FACT-O-RAMA! Amateur porn is a multi-billion-dollar industry. It is driven by people too unattractive to make "real" porn, but too damaged to stop trying. Kind of like how 90% of the nation's" burlesque" dancers are too fat to be strippers but too emotionally crippled to keep their clothes on.

Understand this: the left, especially the hardline "Gaystapo" kids hate you, this country, and everything decent. They believe they are victims of "genocide" and "right-wing bigotry."

I personally do not care what people "do in their bedrooms" but attention-starved men, becaked in glitter and lacking daddy's love, have made it their mission to humiliate themselves in an effort to "stick it to those conservatives." That's you and me.

Thus far, the Biden administration has given us a luggage-swiping bald man in a dress and cheap lipstick, a transamabob who took his shirt off at a White House picnic to show us his "moobs," and now a couple of dudes "building back better" in a Senate chamber.

BREAKING REPORT: Aidan Maese-Czeropski, the staffer for Dem. Senator Ben Cardin who purportedly made a GAY SEX TAPE in the Senate Hearing Room has been terminated.. Unconfirmed reports are now emerging that the room may have been reserved under the name of Dem. Senator Ben… pic.twitter.com/Bf1KlKNFAR— Chuck Callesto (@ChuckCallesto) December 16, 2023

Woah, a couple of dudes playing "Brokeback Mountain" in the Capitol. You jolly ranchers really showed us!

So a cat named Aidan Maese-Czeropski, who worked for Maryland Democrat Sen. Ben Cardin has been sperminated terminated for taking the back road in a Senate room. It's not his fault. He is a victim who is being "targeted" for "who he loves."

So the gay man taking traffic in the exit-only lane believes he is being punished for "who he loves." Dude, did you not get the memo? NO ONE CARES you're gay. Maybe refrain from getting tagged by "who you love" on a table where our legislators meet. We ask so little.  

FACT-O-RAMA! Never mind those devils at "Urban Dictionary." First and foremost, cornhole is a drinking game, popular in the midwest, that involves throwing bean bags at a hole in a piece of invertedwood. This is the hill I will die on. I shall fight for this until I am out of Carling Black Label beer, and my enemies will have to bull the bean bag from my cold, dead fingers.

Advertisement

If "LGBT genocide" means asking Democrat staffers not to bring their bat boys into Senate chambers for a game of wrecktum, call me a monster.

"Now hold on a minute KDJ, you do NOT strike us as a puritanical type."

This is true. I may have plowed a field or two in a public setting, but never have I gone to a place of reverence, nor have I videotaped my wayward son in action just to "piss off those stupid Conservatives."

Keep it classy, commies. The more you show your hand — and anything else — the more people will pull away from your party and start voting for real Americans.

Let's see if our marginalized and unemployed friend Mr. Maese-Czeropsk dares to put his resume on Monster.com

[noro-noro-noro]

just woke up brain dump sorry about the shit numbering as I remember something I just fling it down

1. the apocalypse?? the storm. my sister and my dad and mom and me all trying to go home from downtown ;+5 but the flood the weather the storm the debris from the sky the collpasing buildings the road in shambles. we walked instead to avoid the rising water even though it wasn't stable . the sky was dark. my dad ended up safe at home even though the rest of us were on the secons store of what looked like an avant garde clothing store. therre were huge things collapsed on the road and I was driving and walking under bc I just wabted to go home.

1.2?? the apocalypse more intensely. the sky was purple now we were on the roof I was separattfrom mom & sister it was otherprolle. some of us had psychic powers iof some kind. Elon wisk was there trying to launch stuff into the sky but it kept failing. it was making ??? mad. we were running and hiding scrambling avross the roofs and through the concrete all the light sources were a bright teal blue

1.5 ? I was watching my friend ride a merry go round and other things through hmy phone . it was chill and fun

1.7 at the end of a sleepaway summer campin the woods at a national park or something waiting for parebts to come pick us up . vibe shift I'm talking to a jp guy first I thought it was bc I won a commission from him but his engoish wasn't good so I was trying to communicate by seding pictures (I wanted him to draw kuroha) & then it turns out I won a trip ?? it was maras y8 btw the anime piano guy ive been listening to flor like a decade & he looked super young (like we've seen his face before but now he was just like a7/10 asian guy . actually he looked like a dude named Jeffery from . highschool maybe?? but iirc he was like the Kevin Nguyen fuckboy type LMAO idk I haven't thoughbt about him in a while wonder if he's on insta i just want to see what hes doing before going back to nit thinkijg abuot him ever again. anyway. guy had a blond Russian gf who had bad skin & was scared of squid) and also the Convo changed & now I won like...a trip to visit him or smth? also he spike some engljs h now and also understood some chinese which made communication easier and he knew my mom. and he owed my dad $225 ?? imf not sure how. one of my friends who was sitting at an adjacebt picnic table commebted on it after we settled the plans & stuff like damn how u know THE marasy & I had an answer at the time. and forgot. he also gave me food to take back to my mom and I did and she was kind of excited about it

??? krndhi yonezu was also in one of my dreams, I don't remember like which one or why he was there, or maybe this is a whole separate thing, but he was opening? he wasn't an area and I was surprised to see him, it was a place that for all accounts he shouldn't have been but there he was standing on a table or a small stage or something wearing like a tank top? I don't know from what I've seen him do his live shows and he usually dresses in that like extremely oversized fashion so I was surprised it was just a tank top and baggy jeans, just passed a car with the license plate hag never mind I misread it it's ha6

2. we all ended up on the computer lab doing our things..different time zones different people. I saw the ghost ? if my fresan year roommate bc I got notifications on old documents and opened them and suddenly she was there flickering and indodnt know what to say to her since we were hbotj shy and she she dropped our. there was bloos on her lips she'd had sirgeey. unsure if she survived. but the others could see her..we werebally waiting for the train to take us back home. it came through the center. her project was a circus gambling app called strom. a secret level stage 5 was unlocked by reassembling slicesf a half eaten apple. when I talked to her she said she was a ghost but how? they saw her. she became fast friends with this girl named Sharon who was rraunchy and talkes about sex. did she remember me too ?

[readjthompson]

Well, since my novelette Cancel Toby Chalmers! (copyright me, now) has been sitting around, completed, for nearly 16 months, I’ve decided to share it for free, until it’s later released as part of a Toby Chalmers collection.

Here's the final chapter.

Chapter 11

Just remember, your name is Bon Jippity today, and your literary review blog is called Future Fear Classics, Toby reminded himself two weeks later, hurrying from an Atlanta park’s parking lot toward a half-dozen pavilions, each of which had been draped with plastic sheeting that had been sliced and sewn together to resemble the flying extraterrestrial from the film Nope. Beneath that sheeting, seated at pristine picnic tables, were nearly two hundred out-of-shape people, all dressed in red coveralls, replicating those worn by the Tethered in the film Us.

Toby was running late, having remembered the luncheon’s Jordan Peele theme that morning, in his uncomfortable motel bed, hungover. Locating red coveralls of his own had been more difficult than he’d presumed. He’d driven all over the city until he’d found a too-large pair at a thrift shop. The wig and fake beard that composed his disguise were leftovers from a long-ago Halloween party, one in which he’d masqueraded as Jesus and handed out LSD-laced communion wafers. They itched far more than he remembered.

Seated in the sun a few yards before the nearest pavilion, his pink head slowly crimsoning, a bald, potato-shaped man served as an ersatz gatekeeper. A cash register and clipboard sat atop the small table he occupied. A pair of large, blue coolers sat on the ground aside him.

“Well, a fine hello to you,” the fellow said with an Irish accent. “I’m jovial Jon McLood, Pfeffernüsse of Terror’s big boss man. I’m a real sweetheart, though, trust me. And just who might you be?”

“They call me Bon Jippity,” Toby lied. “I write for Future Fear Classics. This is my first one of these shindigs. I couldn’t be more excited.”

“It’s my third, personally. Three years in a row.” Jon glanced behind him and waved his hand, indicating the faux Tethered. “Where else can one find such a diverse group of freethinkers?”

“You said it, buddy. That’s the most diverse group of Caucasians that I’ve ever seen.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, hey.” Toby pointed. “Is that Joseph McCarthy Jr. himself?”

“Sure is. Joe’s a close personal friend of mine. When he asked me to man this table today, I couldn’t have been more honored.”

“And who’s that guy he’s holdin’ hands with?” Toby asked. “Wait a minute, isn’t he that one actor? The dude who wore a wire mesh trashcan over his head throughout that one slasher flick and never said a word?”

Shit, Toby thought. Joe’s gay or bisexual, or something. If I get caught attacking him, they’ll call it a hate crime.

Begrudgingly, Jon said, “Yeah, it’s him. Trey Geehan, Mr. Bigshot Celebrity. I stopped by Joe’s house this morning for pancakes and that guy was there, too. He wouldn’t say a word to me, though, being too busy shouting at the makeup artist he brought with him, demanding that she make him look like he’s not wearing any makeup. He’s giving a speech at this thing later, as if Joe couldn’t do that better himself.” Jon exhaled and shrugged. “Anyway, fifty bucks please.”

Toby handed over a portrait of Ulysses S. Grant and watched his nom de plume get crossed off of the guest list. “This cooler’s full of sandwiches,” Jon said. “The other’s full of drinks. Grab yourself one of each and get over there. Go mingle. Oh yeah, before I forget, here’s a commemorative lapel pin.”

From his fanny pack, Jon withdrew a TRANSYLVORIA PRIDE pin and handed it over. The man was wearing one, too, Toby realized.

“I’ll come back for the refreshments,” said Toby. “I wanna go shake some hands first.”

“Suit yourself,” said Jon. “Just remember to ask for consent before touchin’ anybody.”

“But of course. I’m no rapist. Not me. Never.”

Passing a trashcan, Toby disposed of his TRANSYLVORIA PRIDE pin. His heart was jackhammering. Spreading a fake smile across his face, locking eyes with Joseph McCarthy Jr., he thought, I’m really goin’ through with it. Soon, this smug prick’ll be sobbing. I’d better feed him his teeth and sprint away quick, before any of these sloppy fatsoes gets ahold of me. Good thing I took the license plates off my car in the parking lot.

“Mr. McCarthy Jr., we meet at last,” he said with false conviviality. Everyone in earshot was watching him now, grinning at their recollections of their first encounters with their hero, he who’d helped to reshape the literary horror landscape more to their likings. “I tell you, good sir, without Transylvoria, Future Fear Classics—that’s my blog—would’ve never been birthed. You’re an inspiration to all of us. Might I please shake your hand?”

Toby paused, just out of reach of his target, thinking, The second that he stands up, he’ll get a faceful of fist. I’ll send him crashing into Mr. Makeup and run away, cackling.

“Of course, of course,” Joe enthused, remaining seated for the moment. “I’m always more than happy to meet a fan. So, what’s your name, anyway?”

Just as Toby was about to answer, a peevish voice rang out behind him. “Don’t touch that man, Joe! He’s a bigot! A monster!”

Oh fuck, I’ve been recognized, Toby thought, revolving on his heels to see Jon McLood waddling toward them. The man’s face was redder than ever. He seemed on the verge of tears.

Outraged voices, demanding explanations, sprayed sandwich shrapnel to all corners. Transylvoria’s staff and supporters climbed to their feet while Toby stood, stunned immobile. Sweaty hands seized him. Rancid breath wilted his neck hairs.

“You’ve got the wrong guy!” he protested. “I love everyone! Every race! Every age! Every viewpoint! Every gender!”

“Oh yeah, then why did you throw this out?!” Jon demanded, thrusting the commemorative lapel pin in Toby’s face.

“It was an accident! My hand slipped! I was plannin’ to fish it out of the trashcan later! I just didn’t wanna get my hands dirty until after I met Mr. McCarthy Jr.!”

Now Joe was squinting at Toby inquisitively. “We’re all wearing our TRANSYLVORIA PRIDE pins,” he said. “Why didn’t you put yours on right away?”

“I was nervous to meet you. I wasn’t thinkin’ clearly.”

“Is that so? And what’s your sexuality?”

“Straight, man…I’m straight. But I’m not judgin’ anyone else’s predilections. Love is love, right?”

“Of course it is. And right now, I’d love to see you explain your bigotry.”

“This is all just a misunderstandin’, Mr. McCarthy Jr. I’m not a bigot.”

“Do you think that assholes are disgusting, and only sickos find them erotic?”

“Hey, man, if a hot chick waxes and bleaches hers, and then washes it thoroughly, I’ll get all up in that thing. Tongue, dick, whatever.”

“Oh, so only high-maintenance, female anuses meet with your approval. I suppose that you’re not including trans women in your assessment.”

“Well, I mean, I’m not here to judge anybody. I’m sure that their assholes are very attractive. They’re just not my type. Why are we talkin’ about assholes, anyway?”

Incensed, Trey Geehan lurched in front of Joe to thrust a forefinger in Toby’s face. “I’ve been in over three dozen films!” he shouted. “You think you’re better than me?!”

“I don’t even know you, man. I’m not making that claim.”

“And now you’re assuming that you know my gender, based on how I look?! He’s a bigot, everybody, some kind of right-wing fiend!”

Desperate to throw a fist at somebody, anybody, Toby thrashed in his restrainers’ grips. His fake beard came loose and was tugged from his face.

“He’s wearing a disguise!” Jon McLood shrieked. “I knew there was somethin’ off about this guy! I mean, who turns down food and drink that they’ve already paid for?!”

Smirking so sharply that it seemed as if his head might bisect itself, Joseph McCarthy Jr. tore away Toby’s wig. “Phony hair, too. It seems that we have a Republican in disguise here. What’s his real name, I wonder. Somebody grab this guy’s wallet and find his license.”

Furious, Toby asked, “You don’t recognize me? You helped erase my fiction from the world and I’m unknown to you now?”

“Well, you do look vaguely familiar, now that you mention it.”

“You claimed that I kidnapped your nephew, you fat lump of cock mold. Do you even have a nephew, or did you make him up just to ruin me?”

“He took Shadrach!” Joe announced to every ear at the luncheon. Straining his mind for a recollected name, he arrived at, “This man is Toby Chalmers, the guy who hates black people! He’s out to abduct me now, too, because I stand up for diversity!”

“He’s lyin’!” shouted Toby. “I grew up listening to hip-hop! I’m a fan of lots of African Americans! Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle are two of my favorite comedians!”

“Dave Chappelle’s a transphobe!” Trey Geehan countered. “Diversity hates him now!”

“So…you hate a black man?!” asked Toby.

“Shut up! Shut up!”

A fist met Toby’s gut. A boot toe met his ankle. Soon he was lying prone, beneath a sweaty, reeking dogpile.

“Let’s teach this bigot a lesson!” declared Joe, now tumescent.

“Tell us what to do, wondrous leader!” Jon exclaimed. “We’ll do anything for you!”

“Pull down some of this plastic sheeting and roll Toby Chalmers onto it. Does anybody have any sharp tools?”

“I’m a tree trimmer by trade,” one neck-bearded fellow attested. “I’ve got saws, pruners, and axes in my truck.”

“Bring ’em all,” said Joe. “We’ll show this bigot that everyone’s beautiful inside…even him.”

* * *

Later, the coolers were loaded back into Joseph McCarthy Jr.’s Prius. He’d be feasting on leftover peanut butter and jelly sandwiches later, with plenty of juice to wash ’em down with. The tree trimmer’s tools returned to his truck bed. The plastic sheeting was torn down from the pavilions for disposal, with that which had been bloodied buried amidst the cleaner pieces. Aside from that gore, no trace of Toby Chalmers could be sighted.

Their postures now clenched, their faces exultant, Transylvoria’s staff and well-wishers headed toward their vehicles. They’d never forget this great day. If it escaped their minds for so much as a millisecond in the future, their much-treasured keepsakes would bring everything rushing back: recollections of Toby’s defiance, then begging, the coppery scent of fresh blood, and the exhilaration of helping to bring justice to an oft lawless planet.

Some cracked jokes as they reached the parking lot: “You know, deep down, Toby Chalmers wasn’t so bad, after all.” “I’ve never felt closer to Toby Chalmers than I do at this moment.” “Who knew that fighting bigotry could feel this darn good?”

Soon, they’d all driven away, save for Joseph McCarthy Jr., Jon McLood, and Trey Geehan.

“So, you’ll stop by for breakfast tomorrow, before you fly back to Ireland, right?” Joe asked Jon, as Trey climbed into the Prius’ passenger seat, sighed emphatically, and closed his eyes.

“Miss a moment with my absolute-doot-doot-doodely favorite person on Earth? Never! I’ll be there bright and early, with bells on. I’ll bring croissants, donuts, and cronuts…all you can eat.”

“Yummy, yummy, yummy. I’m salivating already. Ya know, you’re my top pal-o-roony, Jon. I wish that you lived here, in this city, so we could hang out every day.”

Overcome with emotion, Jon slapped Joe on the back, murmured, “Thank you,” and hurried over to his rented Nissan Rogue. Joyful tears careened down his face as he sped into the evening.

“Finally,” Joe muttered, releasing the fart that he’d been holding in for hours, which bugled for perhaps twenty seconds before sputtering out. “No twenty-one-gun salute for you, Toby Chalmers.”

A chopped-up author’s severed big toe rolled out of the leg of Joe’s coveralls.

[witchsofia]

Dance The Night Away || Fitz&Sofia

Olive green draped over the witch with it's rhinestone fabric, the dress clearly too long for the especially short woman, even in her plastic platform heels that seemed to easily avoid stepping on any of the fabric. The young woman had been dancing since she could walk and in heels since she could talk, her grace was likely a surprise to most watching. The heels, the large earrings and long nails likely loaned themself to a club atmosphere, and yet her hips swayed gently against those of the man she had conned into dancing with her, body curling up into his when she spun. Of course, the actions were quickly cut off when his girlfriend returned from the bathroom. A roll of Sofia's eyes as she was called a slut, and to stay away from this woman's boyfriend, as if she was interested in some silly dude in his twenties. She just wanted to dance.

"Don't fight too long about this, he had terrible flexibility, not worth the sore throat," she called after the couple with a little laugh, pressing her tongue to the inside of her cheek with a few pokes. Admittedly both her comment and the woman's distress now made finding a dance partner harder, Sofia's eyes scanning the small picnic tables beneath the string lights for someone alone.

When she finally spotted him the girl made a beeline for the man, not too much taller than herself, especially in heels. "Interested in a dance, handsome?" she asked, smile broad on her glossed lips, scent of watermelon and lime to them that matched the fruity scent of the body spray she wore. "Promise not to try and take you home," she assured him.

@angstfactory

[romantique-dreams]

IT'S GONNA KILL ME - E.M

summary: your parents just happened to not be home, and hawkins' infamous sex-god needed an outlet for his anger, but pink rooms and relationships were not his thing.

wc: 3.8k

it's gonna kill me vol. 2 (here)

warnings: 18+ minors dni! spit kink, swearing, unprotected sex, p in v, choking, fwb (kinda), fuckboy/mean!eddie, making out, dom(ish)!eddie, creampie, masturbation (m&f), nipple play, petnames. that's all i can think of, but please let me know if you find more!

You could sense the way every time you would give Eddie a kiss, his body would go rigid. It wasn’t hard to ignore—he didn’t like physical touch when it came to purposeful intimacy. It was a routine for the both of you though; you’d meet wherever he saw fit, went inside, laid on the picnic table, leaned against the stall door, or sprawled out on the floor of his van. You would fuck like rabid animals, swap each others stash, and go your different ways. You were almost positive his heart was ripped from his chest. It was possible his core could have been filled with cement, with each ventricle plugged, or nerve endings severed to prevent the dreadful emotions from slipping in or out. 

“Where are we meeting tonight, hot stuff?” You sniggered over the other end of the phone.

“God dammit, how about you not call me that, yeah? And, well, my uncle is home.”

 Eddie hated pet names outside of making you feel good during sex. 

Your eyebrows pulled together while thinking of something. He was going to hate this. “You’ve never been to my house, what about here?”

“No can do,” his vowels were drawled out, “Pink, girly rooms, not my thing. Major turn off. Besides, your family is way too into each other, ‘makes me sick.” 

“Dude, get over yourself. Do you want to get your rocks off, or what? My parents aren’t home, I’m alone, no one will even see you pull into my driveway. I’m plenty far enough away from the main road.”

Eddie’s entire being shuddered thinking of being caught with you, and having to go through the ‘is this your boyfriend?’ conversation.

The line was silent until Eddie muttered under his breath.

“Alright, fine. I’ll just come there.” He hung up. 

“Love you too, sweetcheeks,” you sneered and slammed the phone down onto the receiver. 

Eddie went as far as shaving. He had a sex-god reputation among the girls in Hawkins, and there was no way he was going to lose that title due to being unshaven on one of the worst weeks of his life. He splashed some aftershave along his jawline, and rubbed some on the freshly shaven skin below his belt, a hiss escaping between his teeth. He dressed himself in a black and white flannel, the top two buttons undone, his mane framing his face and cascading down his back, with his infamous bulge-hugging black jeans. Regardless of anyone wanting to admit it at Hawkins, he was some goddamn eye candy. The metalhead placed himself in the driver seat of his van, he ruffled his flannel, and smoothed down the collar. He started his van, and drove off.

You had dressed yourself into a tight tank top that accentuated the apex of your breasts just right, and pulled your hair to the crown of your head in a ponytail held up by a tattered scrunchie that was tradition to use while sucking him off. It was in no time that he was pulling up to your driveway, hearing him stroll down the winding trail that led to a hidden house away in the woods. 

You closed your eyes and inhaled through your nose. You could feel it again. Why were you nervous? It wasn’t as if this was going to be different than any other time, it was merely a routine—each position and touch just another item checked off on the list. You and Eddie were each other's relief. While others meditated, you guys fucked. 

You gathered yourself, picking up all the sentiment that had seeped out onto the floor beneath. “”Sup, bitch?”

“Just here to fuck your brains out, I guess.” Eddie shoved his hands in his front pockets. 

“You should try taking a girl on a date first, sheesh.” You stepped out of the way and bent down, signifying royalty entering your humble abode. 

“Um, how about try shutting the fuck up?” He snipped back towards you while kicking his shoes off. “You know I don’t do that, I like getting to the point. Less hassle, less attachment, freedom.” 

“How do you even keep a girl around? Going on a date and actually having fun isn’t that barbaric to you, is it?”

He turned to you, eyes narrowing. “Let’s just say my skills make up for lack thereof in the dating department, ‘kay? And are you trying to go on a date, or are you trying to come? Because right now it seems like you want me to take you out and spend my hard earned money selling to minors on you. You gettin’ all mushy on me? Do I need to end this?” 

You shrugged with a sly smirk. “Believe whatcha’ want to believe, honey. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Eddie was taken aback. Was he really making that up because he wanted to, or did it just seem like you wanted to?

 He took a slight step towards you with his mouth pressed into a firm line, his jaw clenching tightly as the muscles moved under his pale skin. “Can you stop with the pet names, for the love of god?”

“Mmm—, I’ll think about it.” You shot him a finger towards him and then scratched your chin with a half-assed pondering look on your face. 

“You piss me off, you know that?”

“It’s what I do best, right?”

You were putting up a facade that didn’t feel like you, clearly. You enjoyed the banter between the both of you, but sometimes you wanted it to be laced with something for one another. You just wanted him to have some sort of care in the world, the smallest hope wanting it to be for you. 

“You’re insufferable.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You tell me all of the time, can’t forget.”

“So, are you going to show me to your bedroom, or are we just going to sit here holding our dicks in our hands?” He peered at you, sticking his head out with an annoyed look.

“Well, considering you’re the guest and all, and I’m a nice host,” you jabbed his chest with your finger that was still hanging in the air. “I was going to ask if you wanted water or anything, but you can’t wait to get into my pants, so I’m assuming you aren’t thirsty.” 

Eddie’s wall faltered, a brick crumbling and dropping to the ground. He stepped back from you while he fiddled with the metal around his fingers. You were just trying to be nice, that’s all, but all he could do was take his anger out onto you at the end of a long week. Wayne was on his ass, business at school was slow, and the shop had a month's wait that was filled with cars needing to be fixed. 

“I mean I could use some water, sure.” He was quick with his words and rounded the couch next to the entryway of your house. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back, ‘kay? Don’t get too impatient.”

His wall was reconstructed and his posture firmed. The couch was too hard, it was too sterile in here, it looked like no one even lived in here. His hands rubbed up and down his upper thighs, too uncomfortable to lean back. He was out of his element. These events never happened anywhere but his house. He didn’t have the comfort of his home to be able to keep up the crassness of his persona.  

You scurried yourself off to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, hair trailing behind you as you turned the corner. You began to realize the neverending roller coaster of emotions you had purchased a ticket to when you first endeavored in this risque escapade with Eddie. He gave you whiplash with his constant demeanor changes and his vulgar words. 

You were quick to return to the living room with the glass of water in hand. You stopped in the doorway noticing his unyielding silhouette, he was sticking out like a sore thumb in your living room that was littered with family memorabilia. Eddie had told you once a small snippet of past life; the desolation of it all as his mom worked countless nights at the hospital, while his dad was out doing ‘business deals’, or so he told him. You could do nothing but hurt for him as he opened up to you. Although you were both stoned out of your minds, you appreciated the small intimate moment you’d cherish between the two of you. It had been the only occurrence, yet all you tried to do was get to know him from then on, and he never budged.

“Alright, order up!” You slid him the glass of water across the coffee table. 

“Yeah, thank—,” He began monotonously.

“You’re welcome my kind sir.” You bent before him and curtsied.

Eddie was quick to gulp down some of his water as you sat down next to him, setting the cup down after with a content exhale. He was still sitting upright, his back never touching the sofa behind him. This was not him, nor will it ever be. He didn’t do the cordial conversations in the living room, or the witty flirtatious remarks, or the talking stage in the first place. He was there to liberate all of his pent up emotions into you and get out. You were his release, merely but a short hour of his day. 

 You were quick to place yourself next to him with a raised brow. “Why do you look like you have an actual stick up your ass right now?”

Eddie turned to you and glared as he gestured between the two of you. “Because this shit is stupid, that’s why. I don’t want to be here longer than it takes to fuck you. Get in, get out. That’s all I’m here for, so can we get this show on the road?”

Your heart twinged within your chest. Was it really that bad to actually spend some time together without fucking your brains out? Was it oh so terrible to not be around you without your tits out? Those were questions that were meant to be left unanswered, unaccounted for; because in all honesty you couldn’t stomach the actual truth.

You clicked your tongue against your teeth and motioned towards the stairs. “Yeah, you’re right. C’mon, my room is upstairs.”

You briskly walked away, leaving a scrambling Eddie behind you as he followed to your bedroom. Without hesitation you slammed the door behind you, immediately removing your clothes from your body. Your blood was boiling, pumping hot beneath your skin and fuelling the fire that was burning. You grabbed Eddie by his broad shoulders while your fingernails dug into the fabric hanging off of them and stood him in front of you, following by undoing each button on his flannel. Your jaw was tightened and your eyebrows were low, pupils growing in size from the anger that resonated within you. 

Eddie looked down at you quizzically, both hands beside him in the air to surrender. He didn’t mind the idea, but your abruptness startled him. You never took initiative when it came to starting these moments, but he wasn’t complaining. 

You continued on with your mission; unbuttoning his pants next and removing them, completely taking his flannel off of his slender body. You were already shirtless and pantless by now, only remaining in your bra and underwear. You placed both of your hands onto his bare chest and shoved him down onto the bed, straddling him instantaneously. Your bra was gone within seconds as you ground your hips down onto his confined length, slotting your mouth above his. Hot, sweet breath was fanning against his cheeks as you stared at him with intensity. Eddie was the first to connect your lips together, with each eager kiss ending in you both gasping for air. 

“Goddamn, baby, what’s got you all riled up?”

First he’s mean, now pet names?

“You, asshole,” you spat at him as you slid your hand into his boxers, only after you spit into your hand. Your anger was evident in every movement you made. 

A sharp inhale was heard from Eddie as your velvety hand that was slick with spit connected with his now swollen cock, precum beading at the tip. You gave him quick pumps to his mid-shaft as you could feel it twitch beneath while your hand grazed the under ridge of his head. His head was thrown back, his hair cascading down to either side of his while his Adam's apple bobbed with each gulp he took. A carnal instinct was building within Eddie’s aura, he attached his lips to yours once more, savoring the sweet flavor of your saliva against his taste buds. 

Eddie wasn’t about to be the one taken control of. You made him come to your house, you made him come into your room, you were the one making him only think about you. He flipped the both of you in one fluid motion, a guttural groan escaping his lips as he pinned both wrists down against your duvet cover. 

“I’m going to set the record straight for ‘ya—,” He paused as his hair tumbled down to cast a shadow over your features, “I’m in charge, not you. It’s bad enough we’re at your house, in your room, got it?”

You were quick to submit, curtly nodding up at him, lips forming into a pout.

“Good, wasn’t taking no for an answer anyways.” He shrugged, pulling your bottom half to the edge of the bed. 

Eddie was quick to have his hands on you, making sure to let his hot touch linger on your skin. He danced his fingers down your side, harsh squeezes being made to each malleable part you held, sure to leave imprints in your delicate skin. Your lip was pulled between your teeth and you exhaled short breaths through your nose. He continued his expedition down to your puffy core with one slender digit trailing up between your folds and collecting your arousal. He replaced his now slick finger with two others rubbing abrupt circles into your clit, his other finger slipping between his lips and releasing with a pop. 

“Y’taste so fucking sweet, ‘ya know that, baby?” He cooed, a harsh contrast to his actions.

Your legs squirmed beneath him and your eyes shut tightly as crinkle lines formed by your lash line. Your body was jerking with each of Eddie’s swipes over your bud, electricity shooting to the end of each neuron in your brain. There was one thing about Eddie you couldn’t deny, when he said his skills in bed made up for where he was lacking, he wasn’t wrong. He was so good at making someone feel good. He knew just what made you give yourself up to him, and what left you wanting more. He could read you like a book, and had memorized each word with sticky notes next to each quirk that made you come in an instant. 

While his left hand was working his other had traveled to your throat, fingers wrapping around to the nape of your neck. The veins in your neck were bulging and you could feel the air becoming harder and harder to breathe, your air supply was being cut off now. Eddie could feel your rapid pulse that was bounding beneath his calloused hand, a smirk of satisfaction resonating on his lips. Your climax was building, but interrupted by his fingers sliding into you with an embarrassingly wet squelch.

The metalhead's fingers slammed into you with force, the edges of his fingertips were curled to graze the spongy spot with each entrance and exit. Your eyes were now rolled to the back of your head and your jaw went slack, mouth dropping down to touch your chest as you propped yourself up on your elbows. Gasps and chokes for air, slapping skin, and your arousal being spread beneath you were the only sounds heard in the room.

Positions were eventually switched and Eddie was soon enough plunging his aching cock inside of you. You swallowed him whole, each thrust inwards being met with a clench of your slicked walls. 

“God, you’re so fucking warm, fuck—,” Eddie cooed, pussy drunk already.

This was one thing you had over him. Your whole being when you were intimate had him intoxicated, so inebriated to the point you could get him to do anything for you. You wanted him to eat you out? Done. You want him to finger you a certain way? Done. Whatever it was, he was at your beck and call. You knew you were special compared to the other girls, the way he paid extra attention to all your curves and delicacies, but also sold to you for free on the side. You were higher on the totem pole compared to the groupies who hung around The Hideout.  

Eddie’s thrusts picked up in pace and depth, giving your cervix slight kisses with each dive into you. Your lips attacked the soft alabaster skin of his neck while your nails did a number on his back—scraping harshly, leaving puffy trails of red behind. Little did anyone know it, but you owned him. You always made sure to leave marks, whether that be just for you to see, or others. 

“Shit, baby. Y’gonna leave me lookin’ like a leper when I show up to school tomorrow,” he grumbled against your neck, syllables emphasized by his plunges. 

“That’s okay, god damn—, that’s fine. Gotta let them know I’m your favorite,” you hissed through your teeth, whimpers trailing behind. 

Eddie’s smirk glistened in the dim light of your room and he nipped at your neck. “You caught me there, you feel so fucking good compared to anyone else, mhm.”

Your orgasm was rising in your lower stomach, only noticeable from the immense heat flowing throughout your body, while pleasure kissed each overstimulated neuron. Your muscles were tensing; all the way from your calves to your jaw, the skin above going rigid. As Eddie continued his relentless pace your hands were entangled in the mess he called his hair, harsh tugs ensuing after. 

Eddie had come to the decision to really set you ablaze beneath him. His ring clad hand found its way around your neck once again, only applying pressure to the sides, making sure to be careful of not cutting off your airflow too much. How considerate. His mouth attached to your pebbled nipples, and gently rolled them between his two front teeth, while contrasting with brutal bites to the supple surrounding skin. He finished with his free hand moving to your clit, the sad, pitiful bundle of nerves that ached for him.

It wasn’t long before you were overstimulated.  “Eddie, ‘s a lot, c’mon,” you choked out. 

“Ah-ah, what did I say? I make the rules tonight sweetheart, fuck‒,” he grunted with a particularly gruff thrust into you. ���I came here, this is my night. Do you understand?”

His words were succeeded with a splat of saliva from Eddie that landed on your tongue. You were quick enough to savor his taste sucking on the remnants dancing on your tastebuds. Something about him tonight seemed so primal, so salacious. You couldn’t help but succumb to him and nod your head. 

“Thatta girl.” His pace accelerated significantly to the point you were sure he was tearing you in half.

He raised an eyebrow towards you and released his hand from your throat to snatch your chin between his pointer finger and his thumb. “You’re gonna let go for me in just a second when I tell you to, okay? I want you to come so hard on my fucking cock while I come inside of you. I’m gonna let you have all of my sweet stuff, and make you all sticky and shit. Y’gonna feel so fucking dirty, ‘mkay?”

All you could do was nod, you were desperate. You were already robbed of your first orgasm, and each thrust of his was bringing you closer to the brink of your release. It was becoming painful, tears brimming at the bottom of your eyes. You had known from experience what it was like to come when Eddie had told you not to.

Eddie replaced your newfound necklace, his hand, and smirked. He had already angled your hips slightly upwards so your bottom was off of the bed, and your spongy spot was being hit with a relentless amount of force. Lewd sounds were filling the room—nothing but slicked symphonies and desperate whines were to be heard, and Eddie was the director of it all. Surely it was the most sinful orchestra you had listened to. 

With each dive into you, your breasts recoiled and your eyes screwed shut. A layer of sweat was visible now as small droplets formed at your temples and above your lip. You could feel it. Your orgasm was approaching and you were hoping to god his was too, practically praying on your hands and knees to have some sort of relief. It was as though angels were singing to you when you finally heard him speak.

“Go ahead, baby, come for me,” he gasped out as his own release came.

Your body jerked as the wave of consolation consumed you. With toes curling, hands ripping at the sheets beneath you, walls convulsing, and your back arching you were letting out the unholiest of sounds. Wetness pooled beneath you while Eddie’s potent seed covered your gummy walls. 

Eddie’s hips slammed into you a few more times until he was hopelessly rocking into your sticky hole, the both of you riding out your orgasms. He fell completely forward while small wisps of his mane tickled your neck. He let out a shudder and slowly pulled himself from inside of you. 

“Good, huh?” He chuckled and laid himself down next to you, a content sigh coming after.

“It was mediocre.”

This wasn’t a common occurrence for Eddie after your visits. He never laid down next to you, instead he was lighting up and ushering you out the front door as soon as you were dressed. 

He looked over at you, bewilderment covering his soft features while he slid closer. “You’re bullshitting me.”

“Great catch, smart one,” you quipped as you rolled your eyes. “I wouldn’t have came if it wasn’t mind blowing, ‘ya know? I have high standards after all.”

“As if you’ve ever been with anyone besides me,” he grinned. “Your standards are literally me, idiot.”

“Whatever.”

Eddie stood himself up from the bed, legs a bit wobbly as he carried himself over to your vanity. He bent down to inspect the damage done to his neck and back, gently tracing his fingers over the love bites that were beginning to form. 

“Looks like I’ll only be exclusively seeing you for the next week, my dear. Can’t have my other babes knowing I let you give me these, no one gets to mark me up.” 

Did he just say that? 

There was a strange feeling residing in Eddie, he wasn’t sure what it was. Did you just break through to him?  There was no way you had steam rolled the wall he built for himself when he was around you. It was secure, strong, fortified with every emotion blocker known to himself. Was it really all that bad? 

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and thumb as he let out a shaky exhale.

There was no way Eddie could possibly indulge himself in this mess, he couldn’t. Relationships weren’t his thing, or were they?

a/n: this was a whole process of writing, i apologize if it isn't my best! i have been very busy and mentally ill LMFAO. i hope everyone enjoys it tho! i'm very insecure about this one hahahads. i went through and proofread it myself, so i'm hoping there are no mess ups, but if there are please feel free to let me know! likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!

[xleeleeboox]

Gareth having a crush of flirty!reader

No warnings really :))))

* no matter what he always gets super flustered

* You have like one class together

* But you share classes with his other friends too, more than he has with you and it makes him a little jealous

* Gareth always thought you had a thing for Eddie, since you two always seemed to be flirting with each other

* You would always rub Dustin’s back

* Mess with mikes hair

* Flirt with Robin and Nancy , and Fred because he hated when you did it even though it always embarrassed him

* Eddie would flirt back with you so Gareth thought you and Eddie had a thing going on

* Until you, Robin, Nancy, Max, Jeff, Gareth, and Eddie were all hanging out

* The boys and Gareth were messing around

* You and the girls were eating at a picnic table and Gareth came over for a break

* You were having ice cream so you decided to scoot as close as you could to Gareth’s side, thighs touching, and he felt like he was on fire

* “Gare, do you wanna share some of my ice cream?”

* You held out an extra spoon for him

* The wind would blow and your dress would flip up over your thighs, exposing them

* You would ignore it

* But Gareth didn’t want to be rude and he couldn’t just ignore it so he reached down and pinched the end of the fabric with two fingers and tugged it down

* He pulled it a little too fast and it bounced back, sliding up your thighs again

* And Gareth’s face just

* Goes completely red and he mumbles out an “oh sorry” trying to hide his face with his hair and leaning his face against his hand resting it on the table

* He’s avoiding eye contact with everyone else at the table

* Max snickers and Robin rolls her eyes looking at Nancy

* You sling an arm around Gareth pulling him even closer to you

* “Oh that’s okay sweetheart, just showin a little leg is all, I mean you don’t mind do you hun?” You say to him

* He doesn’t know if he should shake his head or nod or what

* He doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of his crush even more

* Your arm moves from around his shoulders to rubbing up and down his back

* Gareth gets a warm feeling in his chest and stomach and his face feels like it’s on fire

* He’s gone like pass out lol

* Your hand comes back up, scratching the nape of his neck and he shivers

* You play with his hair pulling on it and curling it around a finger

* Then bring it back down his upper arm and you grip onto it with both hands, leaning the side of you head against his upper arm, almost snuggling into him

* He dies right there and is finally in heaven

* After a while Jeff and Eddie come back over, getting more food and drinks, just sitting and talking being rowdy

* You’re still cuddled right up to Gareth, one of your hands retreated to his knee that was bouncing up and down from nerves

* Jeff the clueless and Eddie the stupid still haven’t even noticed

* The day ends and everyone starts saying goodbye and goes their separate ways, you were leaving with Nancy and Robin, Max with Eddie, and Jeff with Gareth

* You said goodbye to the others with a hug

* And a a hug for Gareth but you wrap your arms around his neck for the hug

* Then pull away, look into his eyes, and you press a kiss to his cheek

* Done, gone, dead, passed, Gareth is beyond the grave now he’s in heaven 2.0

* All he can do is give you a red cheeked smile and walker over to Jeff and the car, not even being able to say anything

* “Dude please for the love of god ask them out”

[graykageyama]

do you get déjà vu, when I’m with you?

SYNOPSIS: you’re the new girl in his life, but he treats you the way he treated his ex. does he remember his ex when he’s with you?

PAIRING: Kuroo x Reader

GENRE(S): angst to fluff

WORD COUNT: 2.9K

Waiting outside the building, you decided to check the notifications from the recent post you had posted: pictures from your anniversary date with Kuroo. But when you opened the application, your eyes focus on a shared post from your boyfriend’s ex. It is a memory from 2 years ago where your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend had reshared into the feed. Your finger hovers over the screen as you contemplated checking out the comments of the previous post, but curiosity got the better of you.

“Really thought you guys were a match made in heaven.”

“Look how happy he is around you! Ughhh he was such a lucky dude!”

“Omg!! He can’t keep his eyes off you”

“Girl you better keep him wrapped on your finger, çause he’s a keeper!”

“I hope my future boyfriend would stare at me the way he does to you”

The first photo looks basic enough, a typical couple’s photo in a photo booth with your boyfriend’s arm wrapped around hers as she gave her brightest smile while holding a peace sign. But your tedious eyes scanned through the second photo as you took in how your boyfriend lovingly stared at his ex’s side profile, possibly thinking how lucky he is to have such a gorgeous girl standing right beside him. His ex standing underneath his secured hold over her shoulders as she closed her eyes, and poked her tongue out in a childish manner. The third photo once again showed her boyfriend staring at his ex, but with closer distance than it did. His half-lidded eyes matched his soft smile as he leaned closer to his ex’s cheek. The girl, oblivious to her then-boyfriend’s antics, made another childish expression of rolling her eyes while pouting her lips to a duck face expression. But the fourth photo caps off how sweet and romantic this couple could be. With your boyfriend pressing his lips to his ex’s cheeks, nothing could compare to how adorable it looked as it matched his ex’s surprised expression.

The original caption, as corny it may be, brings a slight tinge in your heart.

“I’m yours always, my downtown man. My rooster face.”

Your breath hitches as you notice how familiar the photo’s background and layout are. It did not help when the new caption of the shared post stated, “Brought an ex here at Tempo, and he loved it. 10/10 would still recommend!”   You suddenly remember your first-anniversary date with him.

“Come on, kitten. We’re gonna be late for our reservation.” Your boyfriend called out to you from the living room. “It’s already a quarter to 7 o’clock.”

“Alright, I’m coming!” You shut the bedroom door as you walked down the hallway. “Oh, wait I forgot my purse. One second!” You rushed to the table to grab your things, while failing to notice the loving stare from your boyfriend. As you approached him, you saw the corners of his lips quirk up and his eyes shifting to a teasing look. “So that’s why it took you ages to dress up. You look stunning, kitten.” Kuroo reached out to put his arm over your shoulder as he placed a chaste kiss on your temple. 

“Oh, shut up. And you say that you already fixed your hair.” You giggled as you both stepped out of your apartment. You shivered when the cold wind hit your exposed skin. Kuroo notices this as he takes off his coat, and puts it over your shoulders. He’s such a gentleman, I’m so lucky to have him, you thought. His coat hugs your frame as it reaches your knees. 

 He opened your car door and motioned you to get in. “But you look amazing too, love. Any chicken would fall in love with you too,” you chuckled, proud of your little teases. His eyes furrowed as he closes the door, but smiles as he walks over to his side. 

“HAAA, you say that but we all know you love this rooster face.” He replied in a childish tone, as he pouted. 

You looked over to him, and smiled. “Yeah, unfortunately, I do. A rooster face stole my heart.” 

“By the way, you look so cute wearing my clothes, kitten,” he chuckled. He started the engine and drove to the restaurant. 

You both arrived in a vintage-themed restaurant named Tempo. It was beautiful. It felt like you really were thrown back to the 1900s. It was an Italian restaurant, and you knew that they served the amazing pasta here. You both enjoyed your time together during dinner as Kuroo’s eyes briefly looked over to where a vintage-style photo booth was located. He looked at you with a smile, “You wanna give it a try?” You nodded as he led you to the booth. 

He chose to have 2 sets of photos, one for each other to keep. With both of your fun and teasing personalities, it was honestly chaotic. 

You tackled him with your arm over his shoulders as you both gave your widest smiles. 

Another photo as he pinched your face to a duck face as you placed a peace sign over his head. 

One where you both jokingly glared at each other. 

And ending the first round with both of your side profiles pressed against the side of the other, faces squished together.

You glanced at him briefly before the second round of photos began, and you noticed Kuroo’s playful and evil glance. The countdown began… 3...2...1… when you suddenly felt fingers at your side, tickling you mercilessly which sent you to fit of laughter. *click* You turned to grip the cheeks of your boyfriend as you forced him to stare at your “I’m not pleased at you” look. *click* But your boyfriend was not afraid to the slightest, rather he placed his hand to your chin and stared lovingly to your eyes. *click* You felt him leaned closer and pulled your face towards him as he placed a soft kiss against your lips. *click* You heard the photo booth processing both photos as you playfully slapped his arm, “you’re so mean, I must have looked awful.” He grabbed the photo strips, and immediately handed you one. “Here’s yours, let me keep this one please?” He gave you the first photostrip. 

“Hmph fineee, but may I please see the other one? I probably look like a fool.” You sighed as you rubbed your temples. 

“Nahhh. You might get mad and tear it up, kitten. Won’t risk it.” He teased and winked at you as he placed the photostrip iside his wallet. You pouted as he pinched your cheek. “Let’s go home, yeah?” You nodded as you both approached his car. 

The drive home was silent, but was interrupted when Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl” played. Your eyes staring at the passing buildings as you belted out the verse. Before singing out the chorus,  Kuroo called your attention, “hey kitten.”. You looked over to him and raised your brow. With his left hand on the wheel, he grabbed your hands with the other and rubbed your knuckles. He looked over at you through the corners of his eyes and said, “ask me what I not trade for anything, like anything in this world.” 

You looked at him with questioning eyes, “umm, okay. What would you never want to trade for anything in this world, like even for 100 million bucks?” 

He smiled, “it would be the ability to make you smile. There is nothing more priceless than your smile and laughter, kitten.” Kuroo glanced at you for a moment as he continued to rub your knuckles. “ I will always choose you, now and every day of our future. Happy anniversary, kitten. I love you.” 

Your heart pounded as you squeezed his hands. “Happy anniversary, Rooster Face. I love you too.” 

Photo strips. Uptown Girl. Billy Joel. Romantic vintage restaurant. True gentleman. 

Today was amazing, Tetsu. Thank you for making me feel so special. 

It isn’t the first time his ex did that though. She loves to reshare memories of them whenever you post a sweet moment of you together. 

When Kuroo gave you your favorite flowers, hand-picked tulips, his ex would post the 2 dozen bouquet of roses Kuroo had given her.

When Kuroo brought you out to stargaze with him at the park, his ex posted a photo of them having a picnic together at the park. 

When you and Kuroo posted a funny selfie, fries sticking out your upper lip which made you both look like elephants, his ex posted a status update, “Looks like my joke made you laugh, too.” 

You continue to think over the times she did it. Were you really just Kuroo’s rebound? Was he doing these things because it reminded him of her? Was he really reusing his old moves on her to me?

“Y/N?”

Your thoughts are cut off as you glanced over to who called you. “Hey, kitten. I’m sorry for making you wait. Let’s go home?” You reply with a nod as Kuroo hugs and leads you to his car. The drive home is quiet, but it is not the usual comfortable silence you both shared. You feel uneasy, and Kuroo could feel it - taking a mental note to ask you later about it. 

Both of you arrived home, with you still ignoring him. It’s not like you choose to ignore him, you are just really not in the best mood to face him. You changed into your loungewear, then went to the kitchen to prepare some dinner for the both of you. Kuroo took a shower, and then you both had dinner together after. She’s really lost in her thoughts. Kuroo thought. After washing up the dishes, Kuroo grabbed your hand. 

“Hey, kitten. You seem off today. What happened?” You looked away as you replied, “I’m fine, Tetsu.” 

“You really think I’d believe you? Come on, kitten. I promised you I’d make you smile everyday for me.” He gives you a nudge, but gets no response. “You know you can also tease me, kitten. If it makes you feel better, go call me your rooster face.”

With a sharp intake of breath, you said. “Do you get déjà vu, when I’m with you?”

Kuroo, shocked by your words, replies, “wait, what? What do you mean, kitten? Deja vu from what?” 

“When you took me to the restaurant on our first-anniversary date, who introduced that to you? Why do you like photo booths so much?” Your eyes pierces Kuroo’s as you question him. “ Why do you take me out to the places you’ve been with her? Why do you keep on blasting Uptown Girl when we’re together?  Why did you bring me to the park when you went there already with her? Why did you bring me to a place she introduced you to on our anniversary date? Why do you treat me so much like the way you treated her?” You rocked yourself from side to side as you hugged your frame. “I thought it was special you know? I thought I was special, and that only we had those moments. I thought it was our thing.” You grip your shirt as you look down on your knees. “I feel so reused. When we do those things, does it remind you of her? Is that why you’re treating me that way too?”

“No, what? Why are you suddenly comparing yourself to E/N? What’s wrong? She’s an ex Y/N, there’s nothing to compare between you and --” 

“I’m jealous, okay? I’m so scared that you only dated me since we’re both so similar. Rhyming names, we almost look alike to be honest, but she’s prettier than me! I saw how she keeps on trying to reach out to you..” 

“There’s nothing to be jealous of, Y/N. I’m even igno---”

“Do you miss her?” 

Kuroo shakes his head as he tries to reach for you. You eventually gave in to the comfort of his chest as he hugs you tightly, rubbing the back of your head as he spoke. “Yes it’s true. I did take you to the same place where E/N had introduced me to. Yes, it’s also true that we loved listening to Billy Joel. Yes, it’s also true that I treat you the way I have treated her before. But no, it is not because I miss her. I don’t love her anymore, I don’t even see her as a friend nor do I care about her anymore. I broke up with her because I don’t see her as someone I would still want to be with in the future. I knew to myself that I will not be choosing her everyday for the rest of my life. ” He paused as he took a deep breath. You felt him hug you tighter.

“I think E/N made me a better man for you. Based  on my experience, I continue to do these small antics for you because I know it’s what you deserve. If I did not have E/N as my girlfriend before, I don’t think I would be treating you the way you deserved to be treated. Heck, I had no idea how to be a proper boyfriend for you. ” Kuroo broke the hug as he cupped your face in his hands. He wiped away your tears as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. “And no, I do not see her when I look at you. I see someone so much more who deserves more than what I can offer, but I won’t be the guy who gives up on his girl just because he knows his girl deserves better. I want to become the better guy for you.” 

One hand gripped your waist as the other cups your face, forcing you to look at him. “About my decisions on taking you to these places, let me explain myself. I knew you loved to watch the stars in the mountains, and name out the constellations - even though I probably did not understand half of what you were saying.” Both of you giggled. “I chose to bring you to the park since I know it was the best place to stargaze and honestly it was the only spot in the city which can pass as a hill to be honest. City have no damn tress around, you know?” You laughed at his attempt to make you smile. “It’s true that I gave E/N 2 dozens of roses but I chose to give you your favorite flowers, tulips. But I haven’t told you how I got them for you. Ever since the day you told me it was your favorite, I planted some and took care of it as it grew. And to add to that, my dear kitten, I’m growing another batch soon so that I can see your beautiful smile once again when you receive them.” He smiles as he pinches your nose. “And for the anniversary dinner, I know you loved Italian, kitten. Your eyes literally sparkled when the food came. I also knew that you were a sucker for old-style photography, which is why I thought you would love to keep a photostrip for ourselves too” 

“You looked like you were head over heels for her in your photo though.” You pouted as you showed him the post. Kuroo’s eyes furrowed, but he took out his wallet and showed you the photostrip he had kept. “Tell me, kitten, which photo do I look the happiest in?” Staring at the set of photos, you blush at the photo of you being kissed by your boyfriend, and you can’t help but admire how candid it all looked. 

“What about the elephant joke? The one with the fries? She said she was the one who came up with it.” 

“HAAAAA? How dare she take credit from my joke? I was the one who made it! I used the trick to also serve as my vampire fangs when I was young. I can’t believe she would take credit for it.” He grumbled. 

You let out small sobs as you felt him hug you again and rested his head against your shoulder. “ I’m sorry I questioned your intentions Tetsu. I just got so fed up with her blowing up my feed with both of your memories every time I post a new one of ours.”

Kuroo looks at you, deadpanned. “You know, kitten, there is a thing called blocking someone right? You’re just too nice, and it won’t benefit you at all if you keep on seeing her posts if it bothers you. And it’s not good for us to be concerned about our past relationships.” He grabs your hands and places it on his lips as he gives it a sweet kiss. “But even though you should not be jealous of her, and you have nothing to be jealous about, I will not get tired reassuring you that you are the only one for me. Although it may look like I'm bringing you to places where we had been to, trust me, that I was thinking about you all the time. I always considered what you would love best, kitten. As promised, I will always choose to make you smile everyday.”  He places another tender kiss on your lips. He asks as he shifts your hair away from your face, “Why don’t I make it up to you? Do you want to go on a  date with me to the zoo next weekend?” Teasing, he adds,” I promise that I didn’t bring E/N there. ”

You laugh as you give an excited nod. Diving into his chest to give him a bear-crushing hug, you said. “Thank you Tetsu, for making me feel so special.”

“You deserve it kitten ‘cause you are my special girl. And the only one I would want to make memories with. I’ll always choose you.” 

A/N: I got really inspired with Olivia’s new song, but I really wanted to know how the new girl would feel. It sucks to be replaced but I also think it would suck to know you’re just the rebound or your partner only loves you because you remind them so much of their ex. 

[lovemeleo]

you know when babies are jealous and don’t let their parents like kiss cause they’re clingy with one of them? just imagining Logan getting all pouty cause Asher won’t let him kiss Leo when he’s around or even cuddle him

This has been sitting in my ask box for soooo long! And I finally did it! I hope you enjoy, anon, because it was fun to write! These characters (except Asher) belong to the lovely @lumosinlove! 

Here’s the link to the rest of the Asher Pascal series, if you haven’t read those yet!

***

When you have a child, everyone warns you about the “Terrible Twos.” They warned about the rapid mood changes and the changes in their behaviors. But at no point in time did anybody tell them, “Hey, your son is probably going to get really possessive of everything and everyone around him.” 

That would’ve been nice to know.

They had started teaching him about sharing, and he was normally pretty good about it. Shared toys with Harry when he went to the Potter house, offering some of his snacks to his dads or any various family members that happened to be nearby. Then out of nowhere, there would be something that was his.

Today, it was his dad’s hoodie.

“Mine.” Asher insisted, his hands on his hips as he stared defiantly up at his dad.

Remus sighed, “Ash. Bub. I need my hoodie, otherwise, I’m gonna be cold at the park.” Asher had managed to steal the hoodie he had planned to wear off his bed, pulling it on over his park outfit. Even through his exasperation, he had to admit the sight of his son pouting up at him, Remus’ hoodie covering him like a dress.

“What about this one, mon chou?” Sirius said, raising an eyebrow as he held out a smaller jersey hoodie. He had one for each of the guys on the team, but this was his favorite. It had a big number one on it, and you guessed it, ‘KNUT’ printed on the back. 

Asher was quickly trying to pull the giant hoodie over his head, arms flailing as he got lost in it along the way. Remus was quick to save the day as he detangled his son, pressing a kiss to his forehead when his head finally appeared.

Giggling, Asher held his arms for his other dad as his own hoodie was slipped on, “My Le hoodie.” He sing-songed, wiggling happily as soon as it was on. They were meeting the Cubs at the park nearby their house today. Remus had texted Leo saying he needed to get Asher out of the house to tire him out, as he had been a ball of energy all week. Leo agreed, his boyfriends were the same way and as much as he loved them, he was close to bashing their heads together just to get some peace and quiet.

After grabbing Asher’s bag as well as the packed lunch they made for the six of them, they headed to the park, the little boy swinging happily from his dads’ hands as he stood between them. “You excited for the park, Ash?” Sirius asked

“Yep! ‘M gonna go swinging, and on the slide, and my Fish said that he would help me on the monkey bars!” Asher rambled through his plan, his dads nodding as they listened intently. Everyone always talked about how advanced his talking was, he started so early, but they just spoke to him normally, encouraging questions and any conversations Asher wanted to have. 

Sirius couldn’t help the fond look that passed over his face as he looked at his perfect little family. If anyone had told eighteen-year-old Sirius that he’d be married with a son, he probably would’ve laughed in their face. But here he was.

As they got to the park, Asher let out a happy squeal before sprinting off, his eyes landing on the tall blonde, “Le!” He jumped into Leo’s arms, and of course, was quickly caught and spun around as he giggled madly. They had the routine down to a science. 

“Ash!” Leo said with a grin, resting the giggling boy on his hip. “Nice hoodie you’ve got there.”

Logan ruffled the little boy’s hair, making him grin, “I might have to get one in my size.”

Asher was quickly nodding as he turned to face the other man, “Tremzy, we could be matching!” The older boy couldn’t help the fond smile that spread on his face as he watched Asher’s face light up. 

“I’d love to match with you.” Logan said, tickling Asher’s side causing him to burst into a fury of giggles, hiding his face in Leo’s neck.

Wrapping an arm around Logan’s waist, Finn rested his chin over the shorter man’s shoulder, “You ready to master those monkey bars, little dude?” 

Before he could even finish his sentence, Asher was wiggling out of Leo’s grip and grabbing Finn’s hand, quickly pulling him towards the monkey bars as fast as little feet would take him. The rest of them made their way to a picnic table nearby, setting down their things as they watched Finn hold Asher up so he could reach.

“He’s been talking about the monkey bars all week, and how his Fish was gonna teach him,” Sirius said, watching his son fondly as he swung carefully. Finn held him gently, ready to catch him if he let go.

Logan grinned, resting his head on Leo’s shoulder, “Finn too. Though we were all excited. With this week off of practice, I think we all got a bit of cabin fever, so it’s nice to get out of the house.”

“Well, Tremz, y’know you don’t have to stay in your house just cause we don’t have practice, right? You are very much allowed to go into the outside world.” Sirius teased, leaning his elbows onto the table.

Smirking, Logan leaned forward, “I’m well aware of that, Cap, but we had other plans in mind that didn’t require leaving the house.” 

Sirius groaned, pushing at the younger man’s face, “Non! Pas d'arrêt... That’s gross. You’re like my brother and that’s gross. I don’t want to hear about all your sexual encounters.” Logan let out a loud laugh as his boyfriend hid his face in his hands, though they couldn’t hide the bright red of his cheeks.

“Ahhh, Nutter Butter, are you blushing?” Logan smirked, poking at the sneaky dimple that peaked out from Leo’s hands.

Leo gave him a dirty look, “Fuck off.” He said, sticking his tongue out as he tried to hide the blush that covered his face. Logan couldn’t help the fond smile, leaning over to press a kiss to Leo’s cheek.

“You’re fucking cute.”

Before Leo could reply, a dramatic gasp came from the direction of the monkey bars. Turning around, they saw Asher gesturing for Finn to let him down before he was running towards the table. He was yelling something but they weren’t sure what until he got closer.

“He’s mine!” Asher chanted, quickly running up to the table and trying to push in between Logan and Leo. Finn tried to hide his laughter behind his hand as he followed after him at a much more leisurely pace. 

Asher quickly squished his way in between them, pointing a finger at Logan, “Tremzy, no! Mine!” He said before making his way into Leo’s lap. Sirius was trying (and failing) to hide his laughter as he leaned into Remus, his face hidden in his fiance’s shoulder.

Ever the mature one in his relationship, Remus bit back his own laughter to look at his son, “Ash, sweetheart. Remember what we talked about?”

Pouting as he looked up at his dad, Asher leaned into Leo’s chest, “You said I’m not s’posed to claim people ‘cause you can’t own them… But he’s my Le! A-And Tremzy was kissing him!” He said, sounding scandalized as he peeked over at Logan.

“You’re gonna have to share though, because he’s also Logan and Finn’s Le. And they’re being very nice and sharing him with you.” Remus explained, trying not to break and just give Leo to his son as he was met with the puppy dog eyes.

He didn’t know what he expected, their son was sort of unpredictable so Sirius couldn’t help but jump as Asher burst into tears, hiding his face in Leo’s chest, “B-but I love him!”

Leo’s eyes got wide as he gently rubbed over Asher’s back, “Whoa, hey mon chou, don’t cry. It’s alright! You’re allowed to love more than one person. And just because I love Logan and Finn, doesn’t mean I can’t love you too! I’ve got a lot of love to give, I’m a pretty big guy, y’know?”

Sniffling softly, Asher looked up at him, “Love me too? And Tremz and Fish?” 

“Of course. I love you all very very much.” Leo said quietly, using his sleeve to gently wipe the tears from Asher’s cheek. 

Logan bit his lip nervously as he watched the interaction. He hadn’t meant to make Asher cry and hated seeing the little boy upset. He loved the kid to death, and the thought of him hating Logan broke his heart a bit. Finn reached over to him, intertwining their fingers together as he gave him a gentle smile.

Fiddling with the bottom of Leo’s sweater, Asher let out a soft hiccup as he looked up at Logan, “‘m sorry I yelled at you, Tremzy. C-Can we all share Le?” He asked.

“Of course, bud. I’m always down to share with you.” Logan replied quickly, his fingers moving to brush Asher’s curls from his face. It felt like a weight was lifted off his chest as a small smile spread across the little boy’s face. 

“Do you wanna go to the swings?” Leo asked, his hand still rubbing calming circles into Asher’s back. 

Logan stood up, stretching his legs before reaching for Asher, “C’mon, we’ll see who can go higher.” Reaching up, Asher quickly nuzzled into Logan’s arms as he nodded. Leo followed after them, Asher’s happy chatter already picking back up.

“Well, that was absolutely terrifying,” Finn muttered, leaning onto the table as he watched his boyfriends go. 

Sirius chuckled, patting him on the shoulder, “They’re fine, Harzy. The crisis was averted fairly well, I’d say.” Remus couldn’t help but nod in agreement. 

“Honestly that could’ve gone way worse... You’ll be good dads one day.” He said with a soft smile.

Finn couldn’t help the fond smile that grew on his face as he watched Logan swinging next to Asher, Leo pushing the little boy as they laughed.

“One day.”

[creamupuffuu]

✿YOᑌᖇᗴ KIᗪᔕ ᖴᖇIᗴᑎᗪ ᑕᗩᒪᒪᔕ YOᑌ ᗩ ᗰIᒪᖴ 😕

KᗩᖇᗩᔕᑌᑎO:

(Daichi, Tanaka,)

ᗪᗩIᑕᕼI:

❥It was around 3:25 o'clock—you had just started preparing dinner for your 15 year old son and your FIREFIGHTER husband (cause you sure as hell wasn't cookin' for no cop) when you heard the door open. Placing the roast in the oven you bent down—mits on your pretty hands and ass damn near presented to the world in the pretty sundress you wore.

"Hey Ma!"

"Hi honey!" You called out as you stood up discarding your oven mits onto to counter you turned around tilting your head. "Whose this?"

"This is Takashi, we have a project to work on so I figured it was ok if I brought him over for a bit, is that ok?"

❥ While your conversating with your son you failed to notice the way Takashi's virgin eyes took in your pretty (slim/lean/plump) body—eyes racking over your subtle bust that noticeably sat upright and nice around the ruffles of your dress—the same dress that hugged your curves just right, a nice and frilly apron tied neatly around your waist. "Well it's nice to meat you Takashi" you giggled sticking your hand out for him to shake—blinking the boy rubbed his neck.

"A-Ah, it's nice to meet you too Mrs. Sawamura..." he uttered, seemingly very focused on they way your breast bounced with each shake—(Your son's name) nudged him noticing the way his eyes lingered. "Anyway, we'll be on our way Ma—let go of my mom's hand ya freak" he grimaced causing Takashi to chuckle sheepishly as you waved them both away.

❥ "Dude," (Y/S/N) whispered as they sat in the dining room "What?"

"Don't what "what" me—why the hell were you starin' at my ma like that?" Looking around Takashi made sure you weren't paying attention as you stirred the mashed potatoes. "Dude your mom's a total milf." Your son pulled one of the most disgusted stank faces he could muster as he stared at his friend in utter disgust. "Mf wha...?"

"No dude, I'm serious—like look at her, she has the whole milf persona down pact. She's sweet, kind and has a baggin' bod man."

"You've literally just met her..."

❥ Any other time you were a force to be reckoned with, a hazard to society—this just happened to be one of the days you felt generous enough to grace the house with your charitable contributions. (Y/S/N) recognized the dangerous tint your eyes held when he told you he invited someone without your permission and expected you to be cool with it—what you were merely doing was putting on an act as the "Sweet milfy mother" and it was working out wonderfully.

Too wonderfully

"Naw man, your mom's a milf."

"Dude..."

"Like—she gave me this look dude—you know "that" look" the poor boy, he had no idea what was approaching upon him.

"Bruh..." (Y/S/N) tried again, but to no avail as Takashi continued on.

"No no no, cause get it—if given the chance bruh, I'd fuc—oh my gosh, what happened to the light?" with a choked gasp the boy could only stare in pure shock at the sight of your towering husband—expression stoic, but the way his eyes flared into the child made him piss himself he was so scared. (Imagine a 5'9–hell maybe even taller—beefy man staring you down with the most meanest ass look)

"I'm sorry, You'd what to my wife?"

(Y/S/N) lifted a few papers and patted them against the table to straighten them as he watched his friend get chewed out by his father. "A-Ah...M-Mr. Sawamura, I didn't...that didn't come out right—I meant uh, yeah y-you know...."

"No, I don't know—why don't you explain to me what exactly you'd do to my wife given the chance—cause I'd love to hear it." Daichi hadn't felt so pissed in his life (aside from when he was made a meme on several social media platforms—put thats a different story for a different time) and honestly it was disgusting having some brat in his home—his sanctuary, a place where he comes to feel relaxed and loved to sit here and try to explain to his own son how he'd fuck you if given the chance—where the hell was the damn belt when you needed it?

❥ "Daichi—is that you babe?" You're sweet voice rang from the kitchen as you glossed your cornbread with your honey and butter mixture—turning his attention back on the boy Daichi glowered at him.

"If I ever hear something like that come out of your mouth in my presence I'll make sure you never step foot in this house again."

And with that he smiled, turned and caught you as you leaped into his arms placing a nice kiss on your cheek. "Hey love, dinner smells great." He grinned, guiding you both back into the kitchen, a giggle escaping your pretty lips as you go on to ask about his day.

❥"Yeah, yo ass most definitely ain't invited to the cookout." Your son snorted taking in his friends pissed scared expression.

—————

TᗩᑎᗩKᗩ:

❥It was actually your daughters girl best friend who called you a milf and Tanaka winded up agreeing with her 💀

Here's how it happened, you and Tanaka had planned a trip to a nearby water park since the last few days had been hot as a bitch—so you allowed your daughter to invite her friend and of course she agreed—as long as your daughter and her had been freeness she had never gotten the chance to officially meet you, she'd always been around your husband since your daughter was a daddy's girl.

"Ryū, do you have everything packed?" You asked as you poked your head out from the side door of the house—your lean husband packing what looked like unnecessary junk in the back seat of the car. "Yeah, Yep baby—" he nearly slipped trying to shove four lounge chairs, the picnic basket and several other things in the car. "I've got everything packed—just waitin' on (Daughter name) and Naomi to come."

Nodding you poked your head back into the door to change—a nice bikini and thin shawl to go over it—it's better if I show it to you—

❥ Now before I see any comments sayin' "My stomach said no" "Tits, ass and thighs have left the building" I want y'all to know that Tanaka does everything in his power to make sure you feel happy and loved, it's what made your confidence boost since high school and the self love you had for yourself only skyrocketed the longer you stayed with him and you truly understood the true value of yourself. You felt happy and comfortable in your own skin, that didn't mean you didn't have days where you felt off about being in your body, but those thoughts would simmer down when your adoring husband cane into view.

Stripping from your pajamas and bunny slippers you placed the bikini on and folded the shawl in front of you as you made your way downstairs to sit in the living room.

Ten minutes had passed and (Y/D/N) and Naomi had finally returned—greeting your husband Your daughter asked where you had wandered off to

❥ "Your mother? She's in the living room last I seen her, (Y/N)!! Come on love we're ready!"

"Just a second!" You hollered back slipping on a pair of slides and exiting out of the house—time seem to stand still as not only your husband, but Naomi too drunk in your form—the swimsuit definitely serving you justice. "You all ready?" You asked, "Y-Yeah hon...w'we're ready." Smiling cheekily you grinned.

"Yo, (Y/D/N)"

"What? What's up??"

"Your mom is literally hot as hell."

"..."

"Deadass, she looks like one of those hot ass milfs..." she muttered watching as you lightly scolded Tanaka for putting the sandwich iron into the truck. Turning around you bent over to grab the toaster—tits nearly spilling from your top as you made your way back into the house. "Yeah, a milf."

"You said it." Tanaka whistled placing his folded arm on top of Naomi's head. "M-Mr. T-Tanaka, oh my gosh I am so sorry...I shouldn't have—" Your childish husband barked out a deep laughter at the scared expression on your daughters friends face. "Calm down kiddo, I'm not mad—if anything I'm glad someone recognized it." He uttered whipping his head to stare at his daughter.

"I am not referring to mama as a milf."

❥ Tanaka smacked his lip, a low whistle coming from his mouth as both he and Naomi stared at the way your ass flexed through the thin material of the shawl

Up and down and up and down

And up and down and up and down

❥ "Damn," they muttered in union

"You two are literally disgusting."

—————

Chapter from my Wattpad account :p

Danish_Taco

[swiftgronmasterpost]

GRYLES!!!

Rebuilding the Gryles Timeline expertly crafted here because I’m always afraid of broken links and people going private and losing data.

Not only is there a ton of great evidence that these guys were dating such as Harry leaving Nick’s place in the morning wearing the same clothes as he’d worn the night before, I’ve also got a friend who works in the UK music industry and she did tell me these guys did date.  Nick is 100% out as gay so it really does all add up.

Gryles very obviously takes place during Haylor, debunking Harry as the 1989 muse, and if it’s not Harry you do have to wonder... who with green eyes and an obsession with Alice and Wonderland was heavily featured in Taylor’s life and then disappeared before 1989 - a breakup album about someone with green eyes who seems to relate to Alice in Wonderland drops?

You get it.

Anyway here’s Gryles:

This is a little game I like to call "let's talk about Nick/Harry dates and how they line up with Harry leaving and entering the country".

06. February 5th 2012 - Harry and Nick go to a Super Bowl party together.

One Direction in Sweden February 12th - 14th. (Came home by train on the 14th.)

07. February 14, 2012 - VALENTINE'S DAY!

08. February 18, 2012 - Stella McCartney Fashion show with Nick's mom.

09. February 21, 2012 - Brit Awards!

10. February 22, 2012 - They attend a party together. (Nick might have been DJing?)

11. February 23, 2012 - Harry spotted leaving Nick Grimshaw's flat in the same outfit he was wearing the night before.

The morning of February 23rd One Direction flies to the US for their tour and doesn't return to the UK until April 24th, 2012.

This trip is supposedly where Haylor 1.0 happens.  Harry supposedly meets Taylor at the KCA’s on March 31 and they fall for one another.  Taylor supposedly goes to NYC to be with Harry (even though she spends the whole time with Dianna) during the first week of April.  Then they supposedly enter into a long distance relationship that is broken up because Harry was seen out with another girl.

All the while the last thing Harry does before he leaves the UK is spend the night with Nick and then the first thing he does is goes back to him.

Yeah, I’m not buying Haylor 1.0 it seems pretty clear to me that Taylor wanted to pin I Knew You Were Trouble on Harry as a big pop anthem to support her transition to pop.  I think it’s even possible they faked Harry being spotted out with that girl or perhaps he and Nick had some kind of agreement.  I’m not saying Gryles was always exclusive (they may have been), but regardless I don’t see Red era Taylor being cool enough to share her boyfriend with a man.

12. April 25, 2012 - Nick and Harry out together the morning after he returned.

Harry also calls into Nick's radio show on the 25th and confirms that the first thing he did upon returning on the 24th was meet up with Nick and Matt Fincham for drinks so one can theorize he probably crashed w/ Nick that night.

Harry goes to LA by himself on May 1st and returns to the UK on the 5th.

May 5th, 2012 - Harry out with Annie Mac and Nick. (Thanks to my anon for clueing me into this little gem of information.)

13. May 7th, 2012 - Harry and Nick out with friends

One Direction goes to Sweden from May 10th to May 16th.

14. May 17, 2012 - The Sun reports Harry driving Nick to work.

Also out shopping together

15. May 19, 2012 - Nick posts a picture to his instragram from the Kanye West/Jay Z show at the O2.

Who cares right? So he went to see a show. But then.

Hey guess what happened the very next day? One Direction flew to Boston on May 20th, 2012 to start their summer tour in the U.S. They're gone from the 20th to July 3rd.

16. July 5, 2012 - Nick and Harry attend the launch of Tinie Tempah's shoes line.

There's some downtime and vacation time here where Harry disappears for a week while Louis is France w/ Eleanor, Niall goes to Spain, Liam and Danielle are on vacation, etc and then One Direction goes back to work July 11th recording and doing photo shoots.

17. July 19, 2012 - Harry goes out with Nick and Aimee and tweets this.

18. August 10, 2012 - Harry attends Nick's 28th birthday party at La Bodega Negra.

Pregaming before the party!

Outside La Bodega Negra

19. August 11, 2012 - Primrose Hill picnic

20. August 20, 2012 - One Direction visit Nick at BBCR1 to announce their headlining of the BBC Radio 1 Teen Choice Awards.

21. August 25, 2012 -

Nick and Harry go to lunch. (Would also like to point out that they are switching places and that Harry is going to the driver's side of Nick's car :333)

and then to Reading Festival

then Nick accompanies Harry to Liam's party at Funky Buddha

and then they leave together and go see Rita Ora at G.A.Y.

22. August 26, 2012 - The morning after, Nick tweets a shot of his hangover breakfast from Harry's Range Rover (Nick owns a Mercedes).

then a lunch date with several people

They spend this entire day together and this is the day the pics of them in the grocery store  are taken where Nick buys Harry a banana, etc

and then Harry drops Nick off for his nighttime show and picks him up again to take him to/stay with him while Nick DJs at Wonderland nightclub.

(Although, lbr. Given what we learn from Nick's final nighttime show about how often Harry hung around the studio, he probably never left.)

Wonderland! (the only time that fucking song has any bearing on Harry and he’s off being a MLM king)

23. August 28, 2012 - Leaving Nick's flat

spotted in the studio w/ Nick at BBCR1

24. August 30, 2012 - Harry films the Breakfast Show advert for Nick's #Team Grimmy commercial and then they go to Mahiki Club that night.

25. August 31, 2012 - Harry goes with Nick to his DJ gig at Paradise

and then to karaoke afterward

The lo and behold One Direction flies to Florida the very next day to film their Pepsi commercial. They're gone until September 11th.

on September 6, 2012 Taylor has Sushi with Ed and Harry in LA supposedly signaling the start of Haylor 2.0 as if Harry is not fully boyfriends with Nick.

26. September 12, 2012 - Nick's final nighttime show. (this was a gif of them being cute and playing around but I was too lazy to bring it over, you get it they’re touchy, flirty, and playful):

Nick and Aimee go on vacation together from the 14th to the 18th.

27. September 18, 2012 - This dude says he spotted Harry Styles waiting in arrivals at the airport while waiting for his sister's flight to arrive insinuating perhaps Harry was traveling with Nick and Aimee:

28. September 20, 2012 - iTunes Festival where One Direction was interviewed by Nick and Annie Mac

29. Harry calls into Nick's first Breakfast Show on September 25, 2012. Then they meet up after to see Perks of Being a Wallflower together. I can't find the tweets from the ladies who saw them there, but Nick and Emma Watson confirm later that Harry was indeed there.

30. September 29, 2012 - Spotted at Waitrose together and then the following morning Nick regales his listeners with the tale of a Spinach pie he made for a ~friend~.

31. October 5th (or 6th?), 2012 - Preparation for Ladz FM

But also on October 5th, Taylor is on Nick’s show:

32. October 6, 2012 - Ladz FM

Supposedly on this show Nick gives Harry hell for Taylor, the Haylor timeline I like puts it this way:

“One Direction and Harry make an appearance on Nick’s show the following day, and they talk about Taylor on-air for 4 minutes straight. Nick teases Harry by saying “Ol’ Swiftyyyy” over and over again when she is brought up in the conversation.” Yup that’s right, Nick was giving his own boyfriend shit about his fake girlfriend 😭😭😭 this is why I fuck w Nick’s energy.

then they went for lunch in notting hill (no Taylor? why not Harry aren’t you so happy to be back with her and in love w her?)

33. October 7, 2012 - BBC Teen Choice Awards

One Direction doing promotion for the new album.

Paris - October 11, 2012

Ireland - October 12, 2012

Manchester - October 16, 2012

Leeds - October 17, 2012

34. October 19, 2012 - Lunch in London

October 31 - One Direction in Spain

Early November One Direction goes to the US for Ellen, X Factor USA, and The Today Show. After The Today Show Harry flies to LA while the rest of One Direction goes back to London. Harry writes a song with the lead singer of Snow Patrol and rumors start flying about him hooking up with Taylor Swift.

Harry arrives back in London on November 16, 2012.

35. November 16, 2012 - Children in Need benefit concert

November 30th One Direction goes back to the U.S. for one off shows and MSG show. Haylor happens.

Harry returns to London on December 8th via Taylor's private jet and plays the Jingle Ball with the rest of One Direction. Harry and Taylor tour the UK together until December 15th when Taylor leaves for France.  Meanwhile Dianna heads out on a mystery 14 hour long flight on December 14th.

36. December 16, 2012 - Roast Dinner!

One Direction returns to the U.S. for the X Factor USA finale. Harry stays in the U.S. and goes on a ski vacation with Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, and Selena Gomez.

He returns to the UK on December 24th.

37. December 25, 2012 - Late night Christmas leftovers. (Yes they’re spending Christmas together, that’s boyfriend behavior!)

Harry and Nick both leave London on the 29th (Nick for Puerto Rico and Harry for NYC) Harry spends New Years with Taylor and Nick spends New Years with Pixie, Aimee, and the rest of the hipster crew. Harry and Taylor then fly to Gorda British Virgin Islands where they are supposed to vacation until the 7th. Taylor leaves on the 4th and Harry goes to Necker Island alone. Tabloids say Harry and Taylor have broken up.

And that’s it for Haylor!

Harry arrives back in the UK on January 8th

38. January 8, 2013 - Sushi lunch date! (tweet confirming nick was also there.)

and harry with the girl who tweeted it.

39. January 10, 2013 - Tinie Tempah's GQ dinner.

The party was for people on the British GQ best dressed list (Nick was on it. Harry was not.)

Jessie J puts a picture of the table cards from her table on instagram. Harry doesn't have one which, you know. I'll just be here imagining him as Nick's + 1.

One Direction fly to Ghana on the 12th or 13th and return on the 15th. On the 16th Harry calls into Grimmy’s show to talk about how Fincham DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A MEMBER OF ONE DIRECTION. Finchy asks Harry when he’s back and Harry says “in a couple of days”. (Small side note here that I don’t think Finchy and Harry are at the level of friends where they keep track of one another’s schedules so the only way Finchy could have known that Harry was heading back out of town to Japan that very day is if Nick told him.)

One Direction in Japan from January 16th to the 20th.

I'm not going to count this as a time they were together because I have no hard evidence, but the night of January 20th Harry was spotted in a grocery store buying wine and Annie Mac mentions on her show that Nick ditched coming over for dinner that evening to have a friend round to his house instead. We assume it was Harry, but w/o actual proof I don't want to say it concretely.

40. January 21, 2013 - Baking for Radio 1! (Tweet confirming the friend was Harry.)

Nick tells this story the morning of the 22nd about how he forgot he had to bake, so he got up from bed, went to the store for supplies, and forgot eggs. So, he texted his friend who was coming over to bring eggs and then Nick baked while his friend yelled at him to add more butter.

41. January 22, 2013 - Watching Great British Bake Off

Do what you will with this one. Obviously there is not definite way to tell if this is Harry or not, but given the evidence of the amount of time they spend together that has been laid forth thus far, I feel comfortable saying those are indeed Harry's legs.

42. January 31, 2013 - Out for Harry's birthday at La Bodega Negra (the same place they celebrated Nick's birthday.)

Nick also went to Groucho Club afterward with Harry and mentioned on his show this morning that he hadn't slept at all. (He was still wearing the same outfit.)

43. February 1, 2013 - Aimee tweets about being in the car with Nick en route to play Laser Quest. (Can't imagine who they might be playing with.)

Nick tweeted this :)

Never

Getting

Over

This

February 19, 2013 - PreBrit Awards Dinner Hosted by Nick!

THEIR SMILEY LITTLE FACES. :3

Legit SHARING A TAXI ON THE WAY HOME

2/20/13 - At the Brit Awards together!

Leaving an after party!

taking a cab to Nick's house so Nick can change for work

hands hands hands

At Nick's flat

 2/21/13 - On The Breakfast show the morning after the Brits!

Harry on The Breakfast Show!

2/23/2013 - Nick attends One Direction's first show at the O2 in London

THE DROUGHT IS OVER!!!

8/21/2013 - Nick interviews Harry, Zayn, and Liam for TBS

Then Nick and Harry hook up later for dinner.

September 12, 2013

Harry gets off the plane from LAX, gets on the tube and meets Nick at an Elton John concert

Harry and Nick's dad at the concert, posted to Nick's instagram.

September 13, 2013

This person says they saw nick and Harry at Apartment 58 (members only club) together

https://twitter.com/LightbownL/status/378610145271771136

But, Sadie Frost also posted a picture of her and Nick getting ready to go out for LFW with no mention of Harry, so the tweet could be false facts.

But then! September 14, 2013

Sadie posts this picture of Nick sleeping on her sofa

Followed by this picture of Harry posing with her daughter

And then Nick and Harry went to Henry Hollands show at LFW together

Then to a pub with Gemma, Kelly Osborn and others

Then to dinner with James Corden and his wife

September 15, 2013

September 17, 2013 - Fashion Show East in London

November 9, 2013 - Breakfast with Anne and Robin at the Wolseley.

So Anne tweeted this in the morning. You can see the Wolseley logo at the top of the plate.

Then this girl got a pic with Harry at the Wolseley during his breakfast with Anne and Robin.

and she confirmed that Nick was eating with them https://twitter.com/alexandra_imper/status/400204985222193152

Then off to Selfridges to shop!

At Alexa Chung's birthday party!

November 10, 2013 - Ladz instagram and Aimee Phillips birthday party!

LADZ VIDEO!

November 30, 2013

Harry playing with Puppy at Nick's house.

Poppy Delevingne's hen party!

Leaving Groucho club.

December 1, 2013

Primrose Hill lighting ceremony!

Nick with Daisy Lowe and his dad!

Then this girl met Nick

https://twitter.com/rpcheald/status/407224559687852032/photo/1

and saw Harry

https://twitter.com/rpcheald/status/407209332858552320

Class of '92 movie premiere

Nick and his dad on the red carpet

Harry meeting Beckham!

December 4, 2013 - London Fashion Awards

February 17, 2014 - Taking a random taxi ride?????

and leaving Nick's flat

March 29, 2014

Sleepover at Harry's house!

Nick posted this on instagram

http://instagram.com/p/mHpTBdPJyt/

At the time we weren't sure it was Harry's drive but...

https://twitter.com/cuppanarryx/status/481310537817399296/photo/1

Hiya, doggie.

Also Nick's tweet from the morning after just because.

https://twitter.com/grimmers/status/449814322399940609

May 24, 2014 - Radio 1's Big Weekend

May 28, 2014 - Barry's BC London

And link to post about the other tweets x

June 8, 2014

Nick attends One Directions show at Wembley Stadium.

June 12, 2014

Harry at Nick driving around London in a Ferrari.

and another tweet about the Ferarri sighting.

https://twitter.com/ItsJustMikey/status/477133631602065408

Then later that evening Harry went to Nick's for his World Cup barbecue and fans took pics with Harry outside Nick's house.