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whump-town · 3 years

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Will You Take Me Home?

Here is some heart-warming fluff to make up for what I did with the cancer fic. I would do it again so I’m not sorry but I do feel remorse for hurting you

Word Count: 5055

Retired Hotch’s Birthday

The normal temperature of the room outside his nest of throw-blankets and heating pad causes goosebumps to break out over his exposed arm. He groans, not even bothering to check the caller ID as he puts his phone to his ear and answers “Aaron Hotchner”. His voice has taken on the gravel of disuse, fogged by the painkiller-induced nap he’d accidentally fallen into. If he was following his doctor’s orders, that wouldn’t happen. His body would have acclimated to the drugs and the pain wouldn’t leave him so exhausted that he can hardly keep his eyes open when it dulls to throbs. Which, he’s not aware of just yet, but is the very nature of this call: his detrimental habits.

“Sleeping beauty,” the other person greets and he leans back against the pillows behind him, rolling his eyes. The phone rustles and Hotch shakes his head as he hears the faint scratching and rustling of keys at his door. “I knocked four times,” he’s informed. “I was starting to think--” the door comes free and Hotch doesn’t even look up. “I thought I was going to find you dead in here.” The call ends and from the other side of the couch, he hears, “which, by the way, would be a hell of a thing, you know? Dead on your own birthday.” He closes his eyes but feels the cushions get pushed down, the telltale sign she’s leaning over the back of the cushion overtop him. “Speaking of which,” she beams. “Happy Birthday, old man.”

He looks up at her, taking in the full effect of mischief he could only hear before. The expressive lines of her smile spread across her face and it’s a distinct moment when all he can think about is how truly awful things had been between them at the beginning. How mean he was, really, because it wasn’t her. It was his own inability to trust. Yet, here she is before noon on his sixtieth birthday leaning over his couch and no doubt about to start a pot of coffee that she’ll consume over three-fourths of. Suppressing the smile tugging at his own lips, he raises a more important matter at hand. Far more pressing than why it is that she’s letting herself into his home. “How long until they come?”

Retired doesn’t mean born yesterday (whatever the opposite of that is, really). He’s not around the office anymore but given Garcia’s questioning last month of his favorite cake flavor, Dave’s inquiry into his schedule for this week, and Emily’s early arrival he knows exactly what they’re doing. To her credit, Emily pretends she doesn’t and she might be more convincing if he didn’t know every tell she’s had for the last two decades.

“Who?” she asks. “How long until who comes?” He just looks at her. A stand-off, really, to see who caves first. They’re assholes so this could go on forever and if she were looking for the thrill of watching him break and she would press on. She cracks but not because he’s better at this game, just because she’s excited. “You have an hour. I’ve been sent to get you ready so you’re not a crabby old bastard when they arrive.”

He groans, sinking back into the couch and pulling his blanket up over his head. Effectively locking her out. Well... not really. She just leans further over him, not caring when he grunts tries to burrow farther away. “Come on,” she shakes his shoulders. “Aren’t you the least bit excited? Penny made you those cookies you like and Derek is bringing Hank, who, I might add, is very excited to see Hops.” And she’s only buttering him up because-- “I’m not supposed to tell you this because it’s a huge surprise but Dave left this morning to go pick up Jack. He’ll--” she can’t even get it out. He peaks out, just the top of his head so he can narrow his eyes at her. To see if she’s just fucking with him, using his feelings against him but he sees only sincerity. She grins, she knows she’s won. “So up and at ‘em old-timer! You’ve got a gaggle of people to entertain!”

Old-timer? He’s four years older than she is. That’s not what he comments on. “Gaggle?” he repeats back to her, grunting as his knees protest his standing. “Really showing your age there,” he mumbles and steps out of the way of the pillow she throws at his head. “What?” he defends. “You said it, not me.” He shakes his head, heading back to his room and leaving her to entertain herself. Which she will and he can hear her rustling around the coffee machine. Nearly surprised that she doesn’t complain he still hasn’t set up the Keurig she got him for Christmas (which they are rapidly approaching him having owned now for a year).

Though he isn’t sure how to express it anymore, he’s excited to have them here. Even if he knows that it will get overwhelming, he can’t deny that the night will end far too soon and he’ll find himself missing them all over again. But that’s not what’s important. In an hour (less than that knowing Penelope and her strict party-throwing agendas) he’ll have them all right here. Reid with his never-ending knowledge, quizzing him on the book recommendations that Hotch has been slowly working his way through. With Derek and Savannah and Hank, the latter of which can’t pronounce Hotch and it makes his heart do a funny little thing when the toddler sees him and screams in pure delight “Hops!”

JJ will pour in with Henry and it’ll be like old times watching Henry and Jack slunk off together (and they all pretend like they don’t know they’re smoking pot in the backyard). Emily and Dave force him to mediate the same four fights that they always have and then they’ll stick around long after the others have gone home to talk about whatever comes to their minds.

And Penelope.

His house is about to be flooded with baked goods and meals in containers because despite being alive as long as he has, she denies the notion he can feed himself. She’ll organize them in specific ways and each will be labeled in her neat handwriting so he can tell what’s in each. Most of them will be vegetarian because she’s worried about his cholesterol (and the environment) and a few will be spicy and chicken will make its way into a few of the dishes. He’ll thank her and kiss her cheek and she’ll remind him like she always does, that all he has to do is ask. He won’t but he does appreciate how much she cares. As smothering as it can be.

He showers quickly, giddy in a strange way to get out and be properly ready when the others arrive. Not too quickly, the last thing he needs is to bust his ass while Emily is here. She is far too comfortable with herself and with him and he knows that she will come in here if she hears him. The other thing about that woman is that she might have a distaste for constantly being touched but she can put that aside to annoy him. Which has created this weird mind-game thing he knows he’s losing when he doesn’t even notice her encroaching on his personal space.

Everything is a battle with her.

He decides to save himself the trouble of being bullied and searches through his dresser for a pair of jeans. He owns maybe two pairs of jeans both purchased forever ago and just to help him fit in with the parents at Jack’s school during field trips and soccer games. He stuck out like a sore thumb when he was a kid and he knows he still does but he won’t be the reason Jack gets weird looks. Emily had raised an eyebrow at that (why he had even divulged this to her is beyond him) so evidently it didn’t really do the trick but Dave assures him he looks fine and Garcia thinks he looks like a DILF so… he’s fairly certain that’s good. He’s not really sure what that means but he’s learned it’s better not to ask her to clarify.

Emily is fixing the couch when he comes out, the apartment filled with the scent of the coffee she’s brewed while he was showering. “You’re going to burn the house down with this thing,” she tells him. She holds up his heated blanket as it offends her. “You need to go to the doctor, there has to be something they can do.”

What surprises him isn’t her apparent anger-- with Emily, it’s a diversion. Her anger is rarely that, it’s to distract, and right now he knows he’s to perceive her anger and not the way she fears for him. The way that she can’t say “I love you” like the others but can, instead, be outraged that his body has been working against him for so many years. She’s not angry at him for needing to be tucked up in that blanket all the time, she’s afraid of a vascular issue that might kill him or that he’ll leave untreated until they’re all being reunited at the closest general hospital. Waiting for a doctor to tell them that he waited too long or that his heart can’t handle another surgery or a million other things.

He takes the blanket from her, clumsily folding it over and tucking the cords into the folds. “I have gone to the doctor,” he assures her. Not for that specifically but he did bring it up. He leaves it at that for now and she understands that means maybe later. It’s not worth getting into and he doesn’t feel like thinking about George Foyet and his knife today.

“Hey,” Emily hums, smirking at him. “Your ass looks really nice in those jeans.”

He stops dead in his tracks, frowning as he looks back at her but just as he’s about to inquire what, no doubt, awful thing she’s done to make her feel the need to compliment him to compensate for it, the apartment door opens. They both turn to the noise and Garcia steps in and freezes when she notices the two of them standing there.

Looking at the bags full of things she has in her arms and then to Emily and then to Hotch she sheepishly smiles. “Happy Birthday?”

With a sigh, having accepted this defeat a while ago, Hotch steps to help her with bags. He tries to hide his amusement but he cuts Emily a glance, three bags in his left hand and more still coming, and he can’t help it. Garcia turns back just as the smile eats its way up his face and he shakes his head. For a split second, he can see her apprehension, the way that her fear of going overboard or embarrassing herself washes over her before she carefully masks it (and to think he gets all the shit about masking). “Thank you,” he whispers so sincerely that he has to avert his eyes. Adding softly, “you know, you’re the only person who ever cares to make me celebrate it?”

Which just makes her sad. “Sir,” she whispers frowning. “You deserve the world, do you know that?”

He blushes, shaking his head, but he can’t get the words out in his shock.

“Oh,” she tsks. She stands on her toes and pulls him down so she can wrap her arms around him. “I love you.”

Emily makes a sound of disgust behind them and he’s glad for the distraction before all this undue attention gives him a heart attack. “Bleh,” Emily rolls her eyes. But she brightens when she sees the red Tupperware container holding the cookies. “Are those the--”

Garcia sees Emily zero in on them and hands them right to Hotch, holding them to his chest. “Are not for you,” she says to Emily with a nod of her head.

So Emily just looks to Hotch and he passes them to her with a shrug and weakly defends, “they’ll go stale if she doesn’t eat half of them.” They’re his birthday cookies but she’ll get her hands on them anyway. If not today then the next time she lets herself in. If not her then Reid when he gets bored and wanders over here for entertainment. If not Reid then Dave then Derek… you get the point. He’ll never finish them on his own.

Garcia lets it go because she knows that’s how he is and because she has a crapload of other things to make sure he eats. He leaves her to mess with his fridge, it’s better to let her do her thing. She’ll move his almond milk to the side door because that’s its proper place (even though he’ll move it right back) and come in about five to ten minutes to fuss with him about a specific something she notices he’s lacking. Today it will be the complete lack of breakfast foods in this house when she knows for a fact that his doctors are giving him hell about eating more than once a day.

He’ll have no excuse, never does, but she won’t give him a chance to provide it either way.

Reid arrives next and actually knocks and waits for someone to let him in, something none of the others will do. He sheepishly offers Hotch the books he’s artfully wrapped in a newspaper and Hotch ignores it for a moment to hug him. If they don’t do it now Reid will just wait in anxious anticipation for it because he knows it’s what people do and he likes being hugged by Hotch but he doesn’t know how to initiate it himself.

“The Sultan of Brunei spent $27.2 million on his 50th birthday,” Reid tells him as soon as Hotch lets him go. “Michael Jackson was there,” he says with a nod. And Hotch smiles and listens to him anxiously work his way around the point that he’s trying to make. Which is that by the standards of the Sultan of Brunei, this party will be exceptionally small and quiet… the way Hotch would want it to be.

They are still standing at the door, talking about what the act of giving a card means. The way that the stories get warped and it thrills Reid to slide the pieces of that puzzle together through-out various cultural ideals until you have them. And that America has a very strange, above-average affinity for birthday cards.

Derek nearly hits Reid with the door when he comes in. Too distracted with a squirming Hank on his hip and Savannah behind him fussing with him for not knocking. He brightens the second he places his eyes on the two of them, a face that Hank matches perfectly upon seeing his favorite people.

“Weed!” the toddler greets throwing himself into his godfather’s arms. Reid takes him happily, laughing at how tightly Hank holds onto him. He just loves that Hank never gets tired of him. He could still see Hank every day for a month and Hank would still greet him with the same enthusiasm as the first day.

Derek is kicking his shoes off, offering Savannah his hand so she can do the same when he notices Hank still excitedly talking to Reid. That’s by all means not abnormal but-- “Hey,” Derek mumbles Hank. He nods his head to Hotch who is standing watching Reid and Hank with a bright, wide smile. “Don’t you have something for Hops?”

Reid puts Hank down before the toddler can start to squirm and Hank immediately glues himself to Hotch’s leg. No one knows why it’s just what Hank likes to do but not just, in general, he only does it to Hotch. He stands for a few seconds, both arms wrapped around one of Hotch’s legs, face pressed into the material of his jeans, and Hotch stands still to allow him to do it. Hops is a nickname he has no control over, the same way that Reid doesn’t fight that he’s been “Weed” now since Jack was two and stumbling over his name.

Hotch got off easy. When Henry was younger he just sort of kept his distance from Hotch. Hank… just really loves him.

“Is that a hot wheel?” Hotch asks softly when Hank finally peels himself away enough to offer the bright toy clutched in his hands. Hank beams up at him and stretches to hold it higher, trying to get Hotch to take it. “Oh wow,” Hotch gasps, shaking his head and pretending to just be so impressed by this toy so severely dwarfed in his hand. “Do you know what colors these are?”

Derek holds his hand out for Savannah to take and guides her through the house. Moving them to the kitchen to talk with Garcia and Emily knowing that he won’t be getting his son back this afternoon. Both because Hank won’t want to leave Hotch or Reid’s side and because Hotch and Reid won’t want him to leave. The Hotwheels was entirely Hank, they spent twenty minutes finding the perfect one when all Derek needed from the store was stain. Though they all agreed to no presents because Hotch would already hate them invading his home with cake, they all got him presents.

The others all got him books because that’s what they know he likes and he really does love to receive books. They’re fun entertainment and they all say something about how not only they perceive him but also the sorts of things that they like and he… well, he loves that.

Derek built him a new bookshelf. It’s sitting in the back of the truck and he’s waiting on Will to get here to drag the thing in here. Derek had noticed two weekends ago that one of the shelves Hotch uses in the hall was bowing under the weight of the books on it so he’d made something to replace it. Thin but heavy-duty-- he’d considered all the ins and outs of the current shelf. Things he didn’t like about it until he has a higher shelf that doesn’t stick out so obscenely.

Which doesn’t matter, really, Hotch will love it either way.

Hank keeps “Hops” distracted while the others pull dinner together. Emily is set to ice the cake but she’s awful and she’s sent to sit in the living room with the other three. Hotch is sitting in the recliner, Hank sitting on his knees and telling him about what he did in preschool this week while Reid pokes through the bookshelf Hotch keeps by the door.

JJ knocks as she comes in but still lets herself in. Henry is bummed to see Jack isn’t here yet but he’s quickly distracted and swept right back out the door to help his father and Derek move the bookshelf into the house. They don’t really need Henry’s help but it’s an effective way to ensure Hotch doesn’t try to help. Not because he can’t but because… he’s old and they don’t want to break him.

They’re just buying time, anyway, until Jack and Dave get here.

With them comes the party…

Hotch only puts Hank down to hug Jack, biting down his tears when he realizes that his son now stands just as tall as he is. Probably bound to be taller. He’s grown out his blonde hair in college and just as Hotch is opening his mouth to ask about school, how seeking out that Master’s Degree is treating him, he spots--

“A puppy!” Hank shouts.

Jack smiles timidly, stepping back to show his father the dog still held back by Dave’s hold on her collar. “Her name is Scout!” Jack kneels down, beaming up at his father while the thrilled puppy licks his face. “Do you get it?”

Oh, he gets it alright. Emily had snitched him out two weeks ago (to his own son, of all people) and admitted she was a little worried. He still doesn’t think there was ground for her fears. It’s not abnormal for him to shut himself out and if his therapist doesn’t think he’s any crazier than normal then that should mean he’s fine. At least, that’s how Hotch feels about it. That’s ignoring the way that everyone else feels. Which is that he’s visibly more on the edge and jumpy. That he gets irritated in public spaces and his anxiety is getting worse despite starting therapy and medicine he swears is helping.

Jack had done his best to get through to his father but sometimes Hotch makes those conversations like talking to a brick wall. That conversation had ended rather badly, honestly. Jack had yelled, shouting mindlessly that he’s twenty-five and he’s too young to have to be taking care of Hotch like this. Too young to have to fear that each day he’ll receive that phone call and the crazy thing is that Jack wouldn’t even be surprised-- everything about Hotch’s life is damning proof to the fact that he acts impulsively, reckless, and without care to his own well-being.

Jack had called later and he’d apologized, they both had. It had been careless on Jack’s behalf, Jessica had explained to him at sixteen some delicate things about his father. He’d come to understand just what it means for everyone around Hotch to love him. The way that his mother had tried to stifle that urge in his father and Jessica and Dave and Emily and Derek and everyone who has ever loved a man like Aaron Hotchner has tried to walk him back off that ledge. But it’s as if he was born there and you can move him but you can’t take that fundamental calling away. Can’t wash his darkness away.

Jack had spent his entire childhood likening the characters around him to his father, just pulling at strings to understand the man. Sometimes he’d earn himself a smile and other times a grunt. He’d bring his father the books or replay scenes in movies all to just see his reactions to know if the man he sees his father as is the same one Hotch sees himself as.

Freshman year of high school they’d read To Kill A Mockingbird and he’d thought his father to be a man like Atticus Finch. In many ways, he is but he keeps coming back to that book. Until during that heavily apologetic phone call, Jack had laughed and realized his father might be a bit like Atticus Finch but he’s a Boo Radley. The recluse that always represents unwavering good.

Hence Scout.

What had driven Boo Radley from his home? Little Scout Finch.

He lets them into the house, not really sure what to say. “You know,” Hotch mumbles, shaking his head. He watches the puppy eagerly work her way around the others. Snaking between legs and nearly knocking Hank over in her excitement but the boy is around enough dogs to only laugh harder. “You could have just got me a… gym membership of something.”

Derek huffs at that and now, he’s sitting in his living room watching his closest friends snickering at his son’s clever book reference. With a sigh, he leans down and offers his hand to the puppy, frowning when her first instinct is to lick him. “Hi, Scout.”

Jack squats down, petting Scout while she continues basking in Hotch’s attention. “You don’t go to the gym, dad.” Jack rubs behind her ears, smiling when Scout doesn’t divert her attention from Hotch. She’s zeroed in on him and he’s fairly content with that. “Besides I got Scout from that program that they run in Richmond.” There’s this dog training thing they do down there that his friend actually works at. Scout failed her training-- as it turns out she’s a bit of a reject. They’d tried to start her out as a service dog but she’d been too smart for that too. Too eager.

Hotch raises an eyebrow at that, not liking the sound of what he thinks is happening. Those dogs are expensive and it’s already enough that she’s a German Shephard. “What do you mean?”

Jack glances at Dave, “well…”

Dave steps up and soothes it out. “I made some calls and Jack’s friend helped us out. Scout is a reject from two academies, a failed service dog and from the police dog academy in Richmond. So she’s too smart for them to just send anywhere.”

Great, Hotch thinks.

“It’s perfect,” Emily snickers. “Hotch loves to take care of things and now he’s essentially got a toddler again.”

“She is potty trained,” Jack offers quickly.

But Emily is right and the idea is brilliant. Hotch does like to take care of things and having Scout will prompt him to start taking walks in the morning again. It might help him implement a strict eating routine, place him in the kitchen to feed her. He won’t go do things for himself but he will take her to the dog park and sit there until she’s tired. Throw balls for her to retrieve and (what had been the killing stone) is that she’s far too smart for her own good. She’s got other training. Senses anxiety and depression and is very protective.

Hotch frowns down at Scout, she’s placed her head on his knee watching him as he takes this in. Hank is leaned up against her side, fingers trailing through her short fur, and she’s entirely unbothered by it. She’s only worried about Hotch and Hotch is worried about her. He’s never had a pet before. Jack had a goldfish he fed occasionally but… there’s no way that counts.

“Thank you,” he says softly, rubbing at his fingers anxiously and frowning when Scout smacks his hand with her nose. He sighs and puts his hand on her head, scratching like he thinks she wants. Too distracted to note what she’s effortlessly just done. Put off by her clinginess, he’s not even thinking about the curling hot ball of nerves in his stomach. His mind does wander but she nudges him again and he sighs and keeps patting her head.

Dinner goes well and Scout and Hank are glued to his sides. Hank to his left feeding him chips and Scout green beans which Hotch sees and chooses to ignore. Her immediate allegiance to him is a little strange, she’s not too bothered with Garcia or Derek no matter how hard he tries to win her over (feeding her green beans just like his son). Scout does like Hank, Henry, Jack, and Reid. She takes to them like it’s nothing. She’ll go from ignoring Derek’s attempts to get her to sit to trot right over to Reid and lay over his feet.

Hotch does enjoy that, it’s funny.

They funnel out slowly after eight. Hank has already fallen asleep in Hotch’s arms and Savannah has to wipe his tears up and shush him back to hazy contentment with the promise he’ll see Hops soon. Derek will probably be over in a day or two to make sure that the shelf is holding up well and to transfer the books and he’ll bring Hank along to distract Hotch to do it.

JJ and Will trickle out not too long after. Henry and Jack conspire together to get Dave to take them for ice cream and he caves-- Jack promises to text him before he falls asleep to tell him where he landed for the night.

Garcia takes Reid home, won’t let him take the subway back at this hour and Hotch doesn’t even have to ask they just know to text him when they get home safe. He promises to eat the food Garcia left and she already has the date in which he should run out marked on her calendar. She’ll give him a week to bring back the Tupperware before coming over here herself and seeing what he has and hasn’t eaten.

Emily sticks around until ten. The two of them picking up meager things and she promises to come by early tomorrow and the two of them will go to PetSmart to figure out what kind of food Scout should be eating.

And before he knows it…

“I guess it’s just me and you then.” Scout tilts her head at him. “You want to… go to bed?”

He’s not really sure how the dog thing works. TV has shown him plenty of times they’re not supposed to sleep in your bed so he makes her a blanket bed of her own and marks down a dog bed on his list of things to get tomorrow at the pet store. He tells her goodnight and then blushes at how silly that sounds.

He’s in bed, changed into pajamas, and yawning into his book but he’s committed to reading a chapter every night. He hears her get up but he still jumps when his bedroom door is opened. She doesn’t wait for a command and doesn't listen to his “no” before jumping up into the bed alongside him. He’s trying to grumble, to get up but she lays right across his hips. Turning her head to look up at him and he gives up. “Only tonight,” he says.

Tonight turns into the way she sits between his legs, when they’re listening to the guy at PetSmart help them pick out food. To the way she looks up at him when he tries to estimate how big she’ll be to get her a properly sized bed. Which ultimately turns into him giving up and Emily hiding her smirk at just how whipped he already is.

Tonight turns into every night and if his nightmares stop coming as frequently because she’s laying atop him he doesn’t say anything. If he starts going out more and the team starts picking out pet friendly places to meet him for lunch or to have a coffee break then he also doesn't say anything but Scout is right there.

So… what exactly does it take to draw Aaron Hotchner away from the ghosts? A puppy.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #spencer reid #derek morgan #jack hotchner #hank morgan #savannah hayes #jennifer jareau #will lamontagne #henry jareau #david rossi

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anotherbeingsworld · 3 years

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the promise of happiness

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Alessia Lyxienne)

Book: Open Heart

Rating: G , TW: mentions of surgery.

Prompts by @choicesjunechallenge2021 Day 1 – plot twist

Summary: Alessia's ex is in town, and its quite a reunion. <3

A/N: hiii, so I decided to participate in the challenge and well, write lots of Bryce before we have to say goodbye to him soon. So, this is kinda (hopefully) become a writing spree for me - like a Bryce appreciation-ish of my own. I have some plans already - and, I can't wait to share them! Also, a huge shoutout to @appiomofchoice for a lot of her help on this fic and the upcoming ones! Enjoy! (also, I will start to use a new mc name! however, she is who casey is but, with a new name instead hehe) // i dont own any characters except mc and brian lewis. (and, i apologize for grammar errors and any errors in this story)

It was supposed to be a normal day, however, the gasped that escaped her signals that the day is going to be an adventure. As she stood beside Bryce, both of them were facing a familiar face who she knows all too well. Brian Lewis, the Brian Lewis. The knowing smirk on his face as his gaze falls onto her brings back all the memories during her time at med school before.

He was a senior, a few years older than her. As they started to get to know one another through a mentoring session with Dr. Lisbon in her anatomy class. They started to go out in a matter of months, as their study sessions become quite intimate in the past – before, breaking up as Brian left for an opportunity to continue his residency in London. They were on good terms, and seeing him again in front of her brought back old memories.

“Dr. Lyxienne, are we clear?” The sound of Harper’s voice pulled her out of a trance, as she was pulled back into reality.

“I’m sorry, would you repeat that once more?”

Harper nods, before introducing him to her – as Bryce raised an eyebrow at the man.

“This is Dr. Brian Lewis from John Hopkins – and, he will assist us in one of the diagnostics team cases.” Brian takes his hand out towards her as Bryce took it before Alessia could do anything.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Lewis, I’m Dr. Bryce Lahela and this is…”

“The Dr. Lyxienne of course! How have you been Alessia?” He said with a huge smile on his face, as Alessia froze, not knowing or mentally preparing herself where her boyfriend met his ex.

“I’m doing fine, thank you, Dr. Lewis.” The formality makes him take a step back as the atmosphere around them becomes awkward.

“Well, Dr. Lewis – we will see you at the diagnostics office soon. It’s nice to meet you.” Harper shook his arm again, with a smile before leaving the room.

The three of them stood awkwardly, before Alessia’s pagers started to beep – as she quickly runs away from the scene any further.

The two men stood quietly before Bryce left the room as well – leaving a sighing Brian in the office.

Bryce’s pager started to vibrate, as he was called into the diagnostics office as he finished with an appendectomy. With a satisfied smile on his face, he was met with a full office – consists of Dr. Emery, Dr. Ramsey, Alessia, Dr. Carrick, and Brian who are discussing their new case.

“Bryce, welcome. Dr. Lewis, this is one of our top surgeons in our department– Dr. Bryce Lahela.” Harper stated before Bryce taking a seat beside Alessia who looks nervous upon the encounter.

“It's good to see you again Dr. Lahela.” His voice was rough with a hint of softness in it.

Bryce nods before he was passed with a copy of the case itself.

“Based on the check-up we did, we found that the patient has suffered from spinal osteomyelitis. It is known as an infection of the vertebrae – it is a rare case, however still dangerous overall.” His presence is commanding as the others listen to it intently.

“How dangerous is it?” Alessia’s voice can be heard as all eyes fall on her.

Brian smiles, as he explains.

“Infections on the spine can be extremely dangerous along with the surgery on that are can be risky with the probability that may lead to a case of paralysis or even more infection.”

She nods intently, as the room went quiet once more.

“When will the surgery be performed? I’m guessing the sooner, the better right?” Tobias adds along with the conversation.

“I suspect we kept her in for a couple of days, to make some additional check-ups. But, if a timeline was needed – definitely as soon as we could.” He concludes before taking a seat.

After a while of discussion – the team was dispersed.

“Dr. Emery, I have to ask why was I picked by Dr. Lewis for the surgery?”

“Dr. Tanaka recommended your name and he wanted to take you in this round. I have to go now for a meeting, but – if you have any questions, Dr. Lewis can answer it for you about the surgery.” He nods as Harper was out of his sight.

Alessia sits on her own, as the dish in front of her remains uneaten due to the textbooks on the table. She was quite occupied with the text in front of her without realizing she had some company awaits her.

Her gaze falls onto the familiar gray eyes looking at her – with the familiar smile since before. Brian was sitting opposite her.

“Yes, Dr. Lewis, what do you need?”

“It’s me Alessia, can we talk – why are you avoiding me?” His voice somewhat remains strong, as Alessia tries to avoid the question.

“I…don’t know. It's weird seeing you again after all these years.” She begins her argument, as Brian nods in understanding.

“I can quite say the same, you look as beautiful as years ago.” He compliments her, as she smiles and lets out a chuckle.

“Thank you. I gotta say – you look as good as you did years ago. But, why Edenbrook, what are you doing here even?” Alessia shuts the textbook, as she looked him in the eyes.

“Dr. Emery was a colleague of mine before, and she requested me to come by for the surgery. I didn’t expect you’d be here.” His gaze falls down upon his hands.

She nods, not knowing how to reply as the silence follows for a moment.

“I know it's an unexpected encounter. It might be weird seeing your ex after all these years, but…I am glad that I got to see you again Alessia.” He says with a smile on his face, the genuine expression she knew all too well from years ago.

Before she could reply, she saw Bryce making his way to her. She smiles at him, as Brian follows her gaze meeting his eyes. He waved at him, before glancing his way back to her. The wide smile on her face still presents on her face, as Bryce took a seat beside them.

“Dr. Lewis, Alessia.” He greeted them both, as Brian's gaze fall onto them both. How comfortable they looked together before he excuses himself from the table.

“I’ll see you in surgery Dr. Lahela, and Alessia.” He smiles before leaving the cafeteria.

Bryce’s gaze follows his trail until he left the cafeteria.

“So, I think I have been out of the loop as your boyfriend – but, who is he?” His eyebrows were raised at Brian’s empty seat.

She lets out a small chuckle,

“He is…my -ex in med school actually.” She lets the truth set free, as Bryce looks at her in awe actually.

“Well, you certainly had upgraded.” He jokes as a wink followed before she elbows him playfully.

“Very funny Bryce.” She says before opening her textbook again.

She feels his eyes on him, as she glances his way. He somehow looked nervous suddenly.

“How do you feel when you see him again?”

She thought about it,

“It feels like nostalgic, yet – the story between us has ended years ago. You don’t have to worry alright.” She winks at him, as Bryce lets out a mock laugh – as a response.

“I’m not worried! Never, nope.”

“Whatever you say, Bryce.” She said before leaning in for a kiss, as they continue to spend the remaining time together studying about the upcoming surgery.

It was days later, as Bryce preps for the surgery alongside Brian. The OR was quiet, as they were the only ones there. A few seconds later, the surgical assistant arrives alongside the on-lookers consists of other surgeons.

He took a deep breath before they began the procedure, the gallery above them was filled with doctors – as Bryce could recognize a few to name. Dr. Emery and Dr. Tanaka are whispering subtlely, Dr. Ramsey alongside Dr. Carrick and even Dr. Banerji are there. As his gaze moved towards the left, he was shocked to see Alessia sitting by the end of the gallery – as she waves his way. He smiles, before resuming his role alongside Brian.

The clock was ticking slowly, as he observes Brian’s work and was impressed by his handiwork. They switched tasks in between the surgery – and he felt alive at that moment.

“Dr. Lahela, pass me the lancet.” Bryce nods as one of the nurses passes it his way.

Brian was focused on his work before he blurted a question in the middle of the surgery itself.

“So, you are the boyfriend I assume.” His voice is low as Bryce look at him with wide eyes.

He nods, as Brian continues on the surgery with such ease in his work.

“How long have you been together?”

“We just made it official, but…almost three years.” He says proudly behind his surgical mask.

There was a pause in between before he says.

“Years ago, I knew that smile on her face – along with the look in her eyes, she really does loves you. And, when Alessia loves someone - she will go over mountains for you.” He said suddenly – as it felt like a promise for him.

Bryce nods and smiles to himself, remembering the moments they had gone through together.

“I know.” I will, an unspoken promise was said between the quiet atmosphere of the OR. As, a smile was visible on Brian's face - somehow he got the message.

As the procedure goes on, a couple of hours had passed – they survived the procedure after a couple roadblocks along the way. The patient has the last resort on the surgery – Bryce took the lead to amputate the affected limb to stop the infection from spreading further. And, at that note – the surgery was over.

They cleaned up from their dirty scrubs as the night has grown late for them both.

“Dr. Lahela – you did an exceptional job today.”

He smiles, feeling the glowing pride in himself.

“Thank you for giving me the chance to join in the surgery, Dr. Lewis.” He replies as Brian nods before they both started to go on separate ways.

It’s the day after the surgery, as Alessia stumbles upon Brian who is hugging Dr. Emery – somewhat as a gesture of farewell. As they went their separate ways, his eyes met with hers – a smile on his face.

“Hey.” He begins to conversation.

“Hi, leaving already?”

“Yeah, unfortunately, I have an emergency meeting with the head of surgery at John Hopkins in a few hours.” He explains as she nods in understanding.

“Well, it's good to see you again which is… very weird to say.” She lets out a laugh as Brian lets out a chuckle.

“It's good to see you too. It's been years, and I’m glad to see you thriving here Alessia.” He smiles as they hugged.

“Thanks to your pop-quizzes on anatomy that's what keeping me here.” She winks at the joke, as they let go of the hug.

“Well, I’m glad I could play a part in the memoir of Dr. Alessia Lyxienne then.”

She nods, as he checks on the time.

“I have to leave before the traffic gets insane – but, say ‘hi’ to Bryce for me? And, if he ever hurts you – just know I’ll be ready to kick his ass for you.”

“No need, I think he’ll make me happy.” She said wistfully, as Brian smiles even wider.

“Don’t forget to invite me to the wedding then.” He winks before leaving the hospital grounds.

He stopped in his tracks, as he gazes back at where he was before. Bryce and Alessia were seen happily smiling together, he smiles – feeling happy for them both.

At that moment, Bryce’s eyes met with his as he waves to him. Brian waves back, as in a second – he was gone out of their sight.

“He said ‘hi’ by the way.”

Bryce nods, as he remembers the words during the surgery – it felt like a promise for him to make her happy. He smiles, as he will keep that promise and make Alessia the happiest woman in the world with him.

THE END.

tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball , @mvalentine , @storyofmychoices , @princess-geek , @lahellacute , @annekebbphotography , @mrsbhandari, @dcbbw , @choicessa , @fantasyoverreality98 , @baltersome , @ofpixelsandscribbles , @thundergom , @starrystarrytrouble , @kelseaaa , @choicesficwriterscreations , @lalizah , @drethanramslay , @eleanorbloom , @openheartfanfics , @brycesgirl , @freckles-spangledvampire , @agentnolastname , @robintora , @adriansbiss , @appiomofchoice , @ariondevereux , @natureblooms24

#playchoices #bryce x mc #bryce lahela #open heart #open heart choices #junechoiceschallenge #open heart fanfics #alya writes #oc: alessia lyxienne #choices fic writers creations

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t0wnspersonb · 4 years

Text

Don’t Hold Back (Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader)

Anonymous said:

Hi there 🦋anon here! Would It be posible to request a scenario in which iwizumi s/o is an ice skater and she has a pretty bad fall during a competition resulting in her getting her ankle pretty bad injured and has a result is not allowed to skate for months. As a consequence she starts doubting her abilities for sports, she is scared of junping and making figures and tries to hide it from him until one day she collapses unable to hold it back anymore but iwa is still there for her? Please!

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Word Count: 2,171

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I apologize if this is absolute shit anon and that it took so long for me to write it😭😭😭 I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything new so I apologize for that too! I’ll hopefully be updating more, I’m finally looking through my inbox and seeing what I want to write. I’ll be doing two more requests before I close it. I have a couple more stories I want to get out. I will let you guys know when I’ll be taking more requests! I hope you guys like this one and please give me some feedback:)

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“Does that hurt?” the doctor looked at you expectantly, carefully rotating your ankle.

You shook your head.

“Good. It looks like the physical therapy has paid off. I was worried that the surgeries weren’t -”

You had stopped listening at that point, your eyes trained on the window behind the doctor. A brightly colored butterfly floated effortlessly in the wind, its wings beating softly as it fluttered about.

That was how you were on the ice; it was effortless, elegant, beautiful, it was everything that butterfly was… until you ruined it all.

Six months.

You haven't skated in six months.

All because of your ruined ankle.

After three surgeries, countless hours of physical therapy, heartache, and far too many tears, you were finally at this moment.

So then why did you feel so incredibly empty?

Why weren’t you excited?

“- with the right precautions and easing your way back in, I don’t see why you can’t begin skating.” the doctor finished, giving you an encouraging smile.

“O-Oh. Really?” you stuttered out nervously.

“Of course. But like I said, you need to ease your way in, I don’t recommend doing any competitions just yet. But an hour or two on the ice won’t hurt.” He said thoughtfully.

You simply nodded.

The rest of the checkup finished in a blur and you found yourself walking on the sidewalk, deep in thought.

It was wintertime, your hands were stuffed deep into your coat pockets as you trudged through the snow.

Normally you loved this kind of weather, but recently… recently the gloomy weather seemed to seep into your very being, leaving you exhausted and cold.

“Hey.” a familiar voice called out, you looked up to see Iwaizumi leaning against the entrance to the park you were planning to go to. A place you often frequented when you wanted to be alone, when you wanted to think.

“Hi.” you said quietly, walking towards the tall ace. Iwaizumi didn’t say anything as you pressed your head into his chest, nor did he make any movement to pull you closer.

You guys just stood there.

“Why didn’t you text me back? I was going to pick you up from the hospital.” he finally said once you pulled away.

You guys began making your way into the park, sitting down on the swings.

“I’m sorry.” You said softly, eyes casting up to the dark sky. It was snowing again, meaning that you should head home soon. “I didn’t even bother looking at my phone. Too much on my mind.”

“Well what did the doctor say?” he asked, his gloved hands holding onto the chains linked to the seat.

“Said I could start skating again. Slowly. No competitions for a while.” You said, frowning slightly.

“That’s good though. You haven’t been on the ice in months.” Iwaizumi said pointedly.

“Yeah. It just seems weird… like it’s been years rather than months.” You sighed.

You felt a gloved hand gently pull a strand of hair away from your face. Iwaizumi gazed at you with a soft expression.

“Well don’t push yourself. We don’t need you falling again and breaking your ass or something.” he said, smirking as you laughed at his statement.

“Or something.” You repeated, eyes glancing down at your snow-covered shoes now.

“Shut up.” he rolled his eyes, tousling your hair, causing you to pout and push at him. “It’s going to be fine. You need to calm down. I better get going, Crappykawa wants everyone to meet up for practice early today.”

He stood up, dusting the snow off his pants before he grabbed the chains right above your hands, he leaned down closer to your face.

“Kiss me.” he demanded, staring into your blushing face, while you wanted to blame it on the freezing weather, both of you knew exactly why you were blushing.

“This is a public place.” you countered back, your heart racing in your chest at his demand, and how close he was to you.

All thoughts of skating and your injury went out of your mind, and all you could think about was Iwaizumi now.

The sly bastard.

He knew you too well.

“And?” he scoffed, carefully grabbing your chin. “You’re my girlfriend. It’s not like that’s indecent.”

Before you could counter his lips were already on yours. They were cold and slightly chapped, but his mouth fitted against yours perfectly. He angled your face up more, causing the kiss to deepen.

Your hands gripped at the front of his coat, either to pull him closer or to shove him away, you weren’t sure. But the kiss ended far too soon for your liking.

“Get home safe. I’ll call you after practice.” he said huskily, pressing his lips to your forehead briefly before pulling away completely.

That man was incredibly infuriating.

But you loved him anyway.

It was like fate the way you guys ended up dating. Your friend had dragged you to one of Aoba Johsai’s games, she was crazy over their captain and had hoped to talk to him afterwards.

But you were completely disinterested, you couldn’t care less about the sport, or any sport for that matter. If it didn’t involve figure skating, it didn’t matter to you.

And then you saw him play.

You were always a sucker for muscular ruffians. It was his arms that drew you in.

When the team won, you and your friend found yourself in front of the captain of the team and captain muscles.

Once you laughed at his ridiculous comments aimed at Oikawa, the rest was history. You guys hit it off instantly and soon began dating.

You thought that it was going to be hard at first, considering how busy you guys were, but it worked out somehow.

You appreciated all the effort and support he put in the relationship. Iwaizumi was your rock, a constant comfort in your life.

You knew that he was worried about you, ever since your injury you knew you were being distant but… you couldn’t help it. You also didn’t mean to either. It just happened.

Figure skating was your entire life, something that you’ve done since you were little. You were damn good at it too. It was the competition right before nationals when you injured your ankle.

You were crushed.

It was a simple mistake too. A jump that caused your complete downfall.

You didn’t want to skate anymore. You didn’t want to taste that humiliating defeat again, you didn’t want to feel powerless anymore. You remembered the comments, the circling doubt that after you healed, you wouldn’t be in the top anymore.

You hated it all.

So then why were you here?

You stared at the rink, the ice was smooth and ready to be used… but… you felt sick to your stomach.

It had been several weeks since the doctor’s visit.

You wanted to get out of the house for a bit and then you found yourself here, at the skating rink. Where you had spent countless hours and countless days practicing.

But it was now or, never right?

You had to find out. This was the moment that was going to determine if you were going to continue skating.

Carefully you set yourself on the ice. Your lower lip ached from the way you were biting it so hard.

Then you started to move, gliding against the ice easily, like a fish in water.

It felt familiar.

It felt good.

It felt free.

You felt truly free in this moment, your eyes slipping shut as you moved around.

Maybe… maybe you could still do this. Your heart has never felt lighter until now.

This was what you were missing.

Feeling a bit more confident, you decided to try a triple Salchow.

Your form was wonderful, the spins were graceful… but then. Fuck. You panicked when it came to the landing which caused you to fall on your bad ankle.

You could feel your lower lip quiver as you stared at your hands placed on the ice. Your ankle throbbed in pain for a moment before subsiding.

But your heart was throbbing in pain now.

You couldn’t do it.

You failed.

Again.

Frustration and anger gripped at your heart; tears were now falling onto the ice below you.

You screamed, your hand balling up into a fist, your knuckles slamming down into the ice as you cried out in anger.

You didn’t even notice the pain in your hand now, nor the blood dripping down your fingers when your skin split.

“Y/n!” a strong familiar hand grabbed your bloody fist, preventing you from hurting yourself further.

You looked up into familiar dark eyes. Iwaizumi was staring at you in worry.

“What are you doing?” he scolded, tenderly uncurling your fist, assessing the damage. “You idiot! Look at your hand! Why would you do this to yourself?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” you whispered angrily, wiping at your eyes with your good hand.

“What are you talking about?” He frowned.

“I can’t skate anymore Hajime!” You wailed out, the emotions you were suppressing, the emotions you kept hidden from him, came bursting out. “I can’t do this! I’m not good anymore! I failed! I can’t jump! How can I be a figure skater when I can’t jump!? I’m a failure!”

“SHUT UP!” Iwaizumi roared, causing your hysterical words to die down. Was he… was he actually mad at you right now?

“You’re being stupid.” he scowled, his eyes gazing at you with intensity. “Of course, you can’t jump right now. You just got the okay from your doctor to start skating again! You shouldn’t even be trying to jump right now!”

You sniffed softly, remaining silent as he continued to scold you.

“You were supposed to ease into it! If you mess up your ankle again you definitely won’t be able to skate anymore, is that what you want!?”

“How can I start skating again when I know I’ll just fail! How can I start skating again when everyone in the competition believes that I can’t make it!?” you snapped back, tears welling up in your eyes again.

Iwaizumi’s angry expression melted into something incredibly soft as he stared at your tearstained face.

“What are you talking about babe?” he cupped your jaw carefully, gently titling your face up so he could look at you properly. “You’re not a failure. No one is doubting your abilities but yourself.” his rough fingers wiped at your tears softly. “So, what that you injured yourself? Accidents like that happen all the time. Look at Shittykawa and his knee. An injury isn’t a reflection of what you’re capable of. Everyone knows that you’re an amazing figure skater. Everyone is waiting for you to get back on the ice. But you can’t rush it.”

His eyes softened further as he took in your beautiful face. “You need to take things slow; I won’t let you injure yourself again. I definitely won’t let you quit either. Besides you really think that I would be dating you if you weren’t an incredible athlete? I don’t date losers babe.” he teased, smiling once you began giggling softly at his statement.

He pulled you into a gentle hug, his muscular arms securing around your shoulders easily, pulling you against his chest.

Your fingers gripped at the sides of his jacket, burying your face into his warm chest. His familiar cologne filled your nose, easing the tightness in your chest and filling you with warmth.

“Don’t hide your feelings from me.” he mumbled, a soft blush coating his cheeks as he stared off towards the far wall. “I want you to tell me these things. Don’t keep me in the dark, I can’t be a good boyfriend if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you.”

He grabbed your shoulders, carefully pushing you away so he could stare at you once more. “Rely on me more.”

You stared at him in awe. Your heart thumping in your chest pleasantly. Iwaizumi was the epitome of your ideal man. You loved him completely.

“You’re so manly Haji.” You blurted out, red rushing to your cheeks at your confession.

“S-Shut up stupid!” he scowled, looking away from you. He liked that though, he liked that a lot, fuck why were you so cute?

You couldn’t help but reach up, softly pecking his flushed cheek. He looked at you in shock until he grabbed your face, his mouth pressing against yours in a searing kiss.

The kiss spoke volumes in how you guys felt about each other. The admiration of each other's strengths, the mutual adoration and love you guys shared. It was all said in that kiss.

“That’s disgusting Iwa-chan! Other people use this rink!” a familiar voice called out.

The kiss ended all too soon, and your sweet boyfriend turned incredibly angry.

“Shut the hell up Shittykawa! You’re such a crappy guy! At least I have a girlfriend!” he snapped angrily.

“That’s mean Iwa-chan!”

“Go die!”

He was definitely the man of your dreams.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu fluff #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi oneshot #iwaizumi #haikyuu iwaizumi #iwa chan #iwaizumi hajime #request #requests are closed #fluff #one shot #iwaizumi scenarios #haikyuu headcanons

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orange-waterfalls · 4 years

Text

Trans Male Reader HCs

ty @peachyplays for the request!

A/N: PEACHY SIR I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG UHHHHHH but im still alive. i am here. im fine. this is some hcs about before transitioning and during and a lil after bc i feel like after it would just be. pretty normal. uh i did the 5 that appeared in ahwm, excluding heistiplier bc ehhhh. Darkipier, Wilford, Yancy, Illinois, Magnum. Rated T, i think. TW: mention of periods, scars, binding, dysphoria. Yeah. I think that’s it. Enjoy!

Trans Male!Reader HCs

Darkiplier

Doesn’t really care

You have girl parts. Great

He has a century old demonic entity+a pair of twins. You're not special

Tries to be understanding, but mostly just doesn’t address it very much

There’s no need to! He loves you, it doesn't matter to him!

He will try to make you feel comfortable if you start to feel dysphoric

If you menstruate, he deals with it well

Both Damien and Celine would know precisely what to do so…

Heating pad, candy, movies + snuggles

Makes you lay down and hold the heating pad while you wait for the painkillers to kick in

Has a timer for 10 hours and you WILL take your binder off when it goes off

Is not afraid to threaten you over it

You know he doesn’t mean it and DAMMIT MAN YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF

If you start to take T, he just sits next to you

It might seem like he’s vibrating a little

That’s just the emotion seeping out

It seems like he doesn’t pay attention to your voice

In reality he listens closely everyday for how much deeper it went

You expected him to laugh when your voice cracked

he just asked you to repeat what you said

You appreciated that

He offers to pay for your top surgery if you decide to get it

Whether you say yes or know, he supports you

But he’s also nervous because Surgery

He checks the history of every person who even might be near you

Your surgeon was acting “strange” so he interrogated the poor man

You then explained he was doing his JOB

He squeezes your hand and kisses the back of it before you go into surgery.

The others have to convince him that you are not, in fact, going to Die

When you get out of surgery he stands on the other side of the room, waiting

He looks straight out of a horror movie

You almost scream when you wake up

He steps into the light holding a basket of fruit

He’s been watching a lot of romance movies…

Makes sure you DON’T FUCKING MOVE when you get home

You are going to LAY THERE and HEAL and you’re gonna LIKE IT

Often asks how your scars feel

A little defensive if people ask about them

A bit protective, but pretty much the same as before

Wilford

I don’t… I don’t think he comprehends the situation

I don’t think he knows what you mean, i’ll be honest

I think he just. Loves you. And filters everything else out.

Because unless it changes how you feel about him, it Does Not Matter

He treats you the same way he always does

Which includes being extra clingy and cuddly when you’re feeling bad or dysphoric

If you menstruate he goes into Good Boyf mode

Meaning he absolutely SPOILS you, moreso than usual

Cooks for you, buys you… a lot of things you probably don’t need…

Asks "is it shark week?" and buys extra detergent

You will take your binder off when it's time

You have no choice in the matter

and when you don't he somehow gets it off of you???

I dunno man, he's like. A god. Who knows

He WILL make sure you're safe and healthy whether you like it or not

If you start to take T, he's not allowed at the clinic

He's banned from like. Everywhere.

He always makes sure to say your voice sounds deeper

Even if it's early and it doesn't and you KNOW it doesn't, he says it anyways

He's just being supportive, it's fine

He's a lil nervous if you decide to get top surgery

The idea of someone just straight up cutting you while you're ASLEEP???

hate. bad. no thanks.

He tries to watch through a window but has to give up bc he just starts feeling Bad.

he sits and bounces his leg in the waiting room and plays with a fidget toy you got him

He basically teleports into the room when you're out

The nurse faints because what the FUCK

He just holds his bowl of chicken noodle soup while they're dragged out of the room

You eat and talk for a bit and he just gazes at you bc your voice is so nice

He's very smothering when you get home

Thinks you're gonna hurt yourself whenever you do anything

sit DOWN you dumbass you're gonna TEAR YOUR STITCHES

makes you binge a bunch of movies with him

He doesn't really pay attention, just watches you to see if you need anything

likes to trace and kiss your scars if you let him

Loves you so much <333

Yancy

I mean. He probably doesn't know what you mean

You are? a boy? I don't?

You explain and THEN he understands

He's a lil dumb, it's ok.

He isn't quite sure how to make you feel better when you're dysphoric??

Does he call you manly? Does he completely ignore you? What does he do?!

Eventually he’s settled on awkwardly calling you “Handsome” and “very masculine”

If you menstruate, he panics

He's had a mom before, he knows what it does

He doesn’t know how to make you feel better

He doesn’t wanna coddle you but also he likes feeling like he’s needed

He tries to cook for you but uh. yeah that didn't work out

The cook kicked him out and then made it themself, having Yancy deliver it to you

He convinced the warden to give him painkillers as well, and buys you candy

He’ll make sure you take your binder off when you need to

Might be a little lax, like with a child

“Okay… 30 more minutes. But then yous is takin' it off!”

Doesn’t fully understand the repercussions of you not taking it off

Once he does he literally BEGS you to take it off

Actually started crying one time

If you start T he asks a bunch of questions you probably don't know the answer to

He’s fascinated by how much your voice changes

He bites his lip to not laugh whenever your voice cracks

Once your voice gets like. As deep as it will go he kisses you and says you sound hot

He will panic if you decide to get top surgery

Constantly suggests robbing a bank or robbing a rich person

“There’s some expensive shit that’s been confiscated, i can help!”

When the day actually comes he's on the consistent verge of a panic attack

he can't even like BE there because. prison.

He cries while everyone else has to comfort him for the entire time you're healing

Once you see him again he interrogates you to make sure you're taking care of yourself

A guard lets you two have a little time alone, and you two talk about it

If you let him, he wants to see the result

He gives you a big hug and tells you how much he loves you

Illinois

Probably the only one who actually understands and actually KNOWS shit

though he's too narcissistic to really… like… care

He loves you, but like. If you don’t mention it he doesn’t really feel a need to

He will make sure you’re okay, he knows when you act weird

Other than that he doesn’t actively do much

He says "hey there handsome" or something like that every morning, and that's about it

If you menstruate, he just tosses you painkillers and says there's ice cream in the freezer

I mean. that's pretty much all you need

He will cuddle if you ask, though

Also flirts with you and talks to you more

If you bind, he will be very pushy about it

Will not let you do anything until you take your binder off after the designated amount of time

if he's on an adventure, he calls the others to go to your place and tell you to take your binder off

He knows you won't listen but I mean shit he doesn't want you hurt

If you DONT take it off and have bruises he will straight up blackmail you

Keep doing this, you don't get any cuddles or kisses

Mostly for your benefit bc. bruises. but still

If you start T, he will help, but only if you ask

When your voice cracks he laughs

He apologizes while still laughing

He sleeps on the couch a lot

A little startled after he comes home from an adventure and your voice is deep?? hot???

If you get surgery, he’s relatively calm

He doesn’t like the sounds and smells of the hospital, though.

They weird him out

He’ll kiss you a bunch before you go into surgery and then waits outside.

Probably goes to get some food as well

When you’re out, he sits by you and eats, waiting for you to wake up

He slides an apple over to you and tells you to eat if you feel like it

He does his best to take care of you at home

He knows how to heal, and you need to SIT your ass down

Stays home from adventures while you heal

He doesn’t trust you to take care of yourself

He will not ASK you to take care of yourself he will TELL you because he KNOWS how you are

Stares at your scars sometimes

He doesn’t mean to be rude, they're just… there

He likes them. They’re cool. They’re yours, how could he not?

Tries to be as respectful as he can be

Kisses your scars. Like a lot. Like a LOT a lot.

He has a thing for scars, they’re badass

Captain Magnum

Completely Does Not Understand

At the same time, Does Not Care

Can you shoot? Can you stab? Can you loot? Then you’re perfect

Treats you the same way as the rest of his crew but with a lil more special attention

That attention being calling you rugged and tough

If you menstruate, he recommends hanging out with the rest of them to distract you

He also recommends LOOTING!

You’re pirates, what else would he want from you

Will stop in a town to buy whatever you need, if you ask

But you can probably get something from some other crewmates

If you bind, he won't let you do anything until you take it off when you need to

Think you can trick him bc he doesn't know what's happening?

SURPRISE BITCH HE LOOKED IT UP

ya can't fool the man, he may be stupid but he's not dumb

If you want to start T, he’ll stay in one town for a while.

Understands that you need this, and doesn’t want you to be upset

NO he’s not playing favorites but yes he absolutely is

Doesn’t ask questions, it’s not his business

However, if you explain, he will listen

Will be elated if you steal from the town

He’s still a pirate, and you are still his boyfriend, you had to do something

Makes you sing sea shanties when your voice gets deeper

Better be prepared to sing the chorus alone, even if you’re a shit singer

He just loves to hear it and therefore EVERYONE ELSE will hear it too

If you get surgery, he’s very nervous

He's never really been in a hospital but he thinks it's unnatural

Too white. Too clean. Too much.

Refuses to go in the hospital, but gives you a tight hug before you go in

He then regrets not going in because he misses you a lot :(

Once you're out and can go back on the ship he's very gentle

He's not a gentle man, but he tries

Makes you stay in your quarters and tries to make you comfy

Doesn't really know what to do so let's a crewmate help you

Claims that your scars make you badass! and attractive!

Puts you on the front lines to boost up your confidence

It only makes you nervous really, but you appreciate the effort

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elvenladysakura · 3 years

Text

~Chaar Kadam~

Pawn

He is like sea. Ever changing, thousand storms hidden beneath sleek waves. Vast, deep, deadly yet calm and soothing - when he wants to be. Kuwar Veer Pratap Singh is a sea, that Amrit suddenly finds herself stranded in the middle. His deceptive calmness hides a trench beneath, depth of which none has ever tested. She doesn't want to tread these waters, but the choice is between diving and drowning. Isn't that the choice of every life?

Amrit paces the length of her room. Door locked and lights dimmed. The foolishness of her actions makes her inwardly cringe, who was she fooling with this pretence of sleep when with each step her deceptively elegant chains chime.

"Chun Chun Chun" He had said. "As long as I keep hearing their ring, my worries will cease."

Chun Chun Chun

The anklets chime now, mocking her as if they were an extension of the wicked man who had them made. Those anklets could not be undone, she recalled realizing that with a sneering Veer over looking her. She'd rather cut them off her feet -

The sharp knock scatters her thought. Amrit stops just as the door rattles.

"I know you are not sleeping," Veer's voice filters through the door. He doesn't sound very pleased. Good, Amrit thinks savagely. Let him stay awake all night, listening to his favorite Chun Chun!

"Amrit!"

She has the urge to stomp her feet and irritate him further, but Amrit knows how to choose her battles. Veer has that unassuming wickedness of a naughty child, who'd do the most unexpected thing to get his way. Instead she goes and unlocks the door.

"What?" Tonight, she doesn't have the patience to entertain his tantrums. Amrit had pleaded a headache to get out of the dinner debacle, in fear that it would turn somewhat similar to the breakfast drama just that morning. She was annoyed, hungry and on the top of it bound in elaborate gold chains of the kuwar's choosing. At least she had to have the privilege to snap at someone.

Veer raised his brows, looking down at her from his impressive height.

"Dinner kar lo, humare saath," he says. "It's all been set up in the room, we are not expected down at the table with everyone."

She makes a move to walk past him which he prevents with a hand on the door frame. His eyes are burning when they return her gaze.

"Keep me waiting, next time I'll break open the door." He bites out menacing words against her ear as if they were a soft caress. Looking over his shoulder Amrit notices the servants bowing out of the room, the dinner arranged in a corner. Veer steps away as soon as they shut the door and mentally shaking her head at his antics, Amrit goes to the table set up for the two of them.

"Bina khaye sone wale logon ko, ab badi jaldi hai khane mein," Veer taunts from behind. "Stop!" He says sharply. Unwillingly, Amrit turns to look at him, wondering what new play he has thought up now? Was he going to taunt her with food next? Dangle a paratha in front of her like a carrot in front of a donkey? Veer shakes a finger at her in silent no no. With long strides he joins her at the table and pulls out the chair for her.

"Ladies wait for their accompanying gentleman to pull out their chair," he says offering her the seat with an elaborate gesture.

"Why? Woh kudh nahi kar sakthe?" She asks sarcastically.

Veer pinches the bridge of his nose before pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"Yahi yahi problem hai tum ladkiyon ki! When someone is doing a good deed, can't you just keep back and let him do it? No, you want to show your nari shakti instead!"

Amrit plops down on the chair and looks up at him expectantly.

"What is all this Kuwar sahab?"

Veer takes his own seat and looks at her pointedly.

"Training," he elaborates. "Aaj se, we will have dinner here in the room. Just you and me. I will teach you Rani ma's table etiquette to it's last t.

"Etiquette doesn't end with a t." Amrit points out. "Kiyun? Are you embarrassed on my behalf? I did tell you Kuwar sahab, I'm not the right girl for you. Shukar hai aap ko samajh aaya, dher hi sahi!"

"Pooch nahi raha hoon madam, batha raha hoon," Veer tells her as he places a plate before her and starts piling it up with food. "I don't need your opinion on it. I'm telling you how it's going to happen. You will practice during dinner - I'll see your improvement during breakfast with everyone. It may be a pretence, but you are my wife out there. My other half so to speak. I'd rather at least one half is spared of Rani ma's criticism." He shakes his head at some dark thought and serves himself. "Between you and me, I'm the disappointment - you, you are supposed to be perfect, behetareen, unparalleled - such that, Rani ma could never find one who is your better. You are my victorious move against her, my trump card."

His eyes gleam with a madness that fills her insides with a chill. Amrit realizes that she is unwillingly made a pawn in this battle between mother and son. She had no choice but to keep moving forward and the man behind her - dictating her moves - she wasn't certain if he was sane.

"Hmm," Veer says self satisfied. "Shuroo kiya jaayein."

He was a relentless teacher. Amrit wonders how Rani Sahiba thinks less of this son of hers when he was as tenacious as she was.

"So, as we eat - we'll talk about Pakistani prisoners."

Amrit's fork slips. Veer corrects her grip on it again and raps on her knuckles with the back of his spoon.

"Dyaan kahaan hai tumhara?" He admonishes and cuts her savoury roll into small pieces himself. "You can't keep watching your cutlery as if you are performing a surgery on your food. There will be conversation around which you have to participate in -"

He plucked one piece on his fork and brought it to her mouth. "Learn to multitask."

Amrit swallows the bite just to shut him up.

"What about Pakistani prisoners?" She asks.

"There's a list of those who were recommended to be released under Rani ma's campaign scheme. Want to check and see if your aashiq is among them?"

He pulls out a file from nowhere and flips it open. The smile he gives at her eagerness to reach for it is condescending.

"I've heard dogs learn tricks better when they are given reward treats - aaj dekh bhi liya."

Amrit ignored the insult in favour of checking that precious document. It was the culmination of all her efforts. She won't let a petty insult ruin it. Veer watched her in silence for a moment as she reads through the file.

"What will you do when you get him out?" He muses aloud.

"Nothing. He knows how to live his life."

Veer chuckles darkly.

"You want me to believe you won't want to go to him? That you won't run away?"

"Do you play chess Kuwar sahab?"

"Why? You want to learn that next?" He retorts.

Amrit shakes her head. Returns to her food and manages - perfectly - to take a bite from her fork.

"The first rule of any battle is to trust your enemy to do the worst and your soldier to do the best. You have placed me on your side Kywar sahab, you have no choice but to believe I will do my best. If you doubt your own soldier - your opponent will benefit."

For a moment Veer says nothing, then his face breaks into a deceptively bright smile.

"Shukar hai," he says. Shukar hai aap ko samajh aaya, dher hi sahi!" He pays back in her own words, adding his signature sarcasm to it. "You are my soldier. Don't try to be my queen." He offers her another bite. "I've learned my lesson of trusting women. You are left with nothing if you depend on them. Rani ma. Anaita. Tum. All you women know is to disappoint. Ab aur nahi - now I decide the rules of this game."

"Kuwar sahab -"

She jumps at the sound of the door opening. In comes Rani Sahiba, her face a mask of indifference. Veer looks at her annoyedly.

"I'm having serious doubts about your manners Rani Ma," he greets. "Zara dimaag mein zoor daliyein, somewhere - someone might have taught you something about not entering rooms of newly married couples without knocking?"

To his credit Rani sahiba doesn't even flinch. Amrit feels her face burning. She looks away. Rani sahiba being Veer's mother has the nerve to smile.

"You didn't come for dinner. I wanted to talk. It cannot wait." She says pleasantly.

"Kahiyein," Veer mimics her pleasantness. "I'm sure you took the trouble to come all the way up to deliver some shok bhara samachaar!"

"Since you are insisting Veer that I give your wife," she throws a dark look at Amrit. "All due respect and status of a daughter in law of this royal family...I have arranged for that one ritual you missed to force upon us." She pauses for dramatic effect. "It cannot happen that a new daughter in law has joined the family and the newly married couple as you so eloquently put do not seek blessings from our kuldevi? I have arranged a kuldevi pooja for you and bahu. You should prepare to leave tomorrow."

The chill in her smile and the way Veer had suddenly gone very still tells Amrit all she needs to know about this upcoming veneration. The woman has her son's cruel streak, for her eyes flashes with victory at the ghost like pallor in Veer's face. Amrit has the urge to reach out and take his hand - a misplaced emotion that she quickly stomps on. This is the man who made her wear those anklets. She's not going to forget that.

"Kiyun, you have a problem Veer?" Rani sahiba asks sweetly.

"Nahi." Veer's voice is little too high, little too cherry. "Of cause I have no problem." He looks at his mother, his eyes reddening, his fists clenched. "So you'll be going with us too, won't you Rani Ma? Or do you have a problem?"

"Of cause. I - I will." Her voice falters and Veer's fist tightens.

"Of cause," he says. "Of cause."

He rises from the table abruptly.

"If you could finish me off in the process I'm sure you won't think twice to poison your own food. Aap kha lijiye Amrit, humari bhook mitt gayie."

Throwing those last words as if he was spitting out the said poison, Veer left Amrit staring up at the sweet yet cruel face of a supposedly benevolent woman.

#cross ship #mini fic #chaar kadam #kiyun utthe dil chhod aaye #veer #Amrit #Amveer #redefining cannon #mixed up narrative

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adarafaelbarba · 4 years

Text

Goodbye brother

pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader (Sonnyverse) fandom: Law and Order Special Victims Unit warning: mention of death. Angsty af.

To say she was embarrassed by the who ordeal that had been going down for he last couple of months, well, that would be an understatement. (Y/N) was mortified. First she had been accused by Sonny’s boss and colleagues about leaking the article she had been writing, early, and without getting the green light from them. Then they involved her boss who fired her. And when she thought she was safe in the comfort of her own home, well, she apparently wasn’t safe there either, as Sonny started yelling at her the second he came home. The icing on top of the whole shit cake that was currently her life, was the fact that she was completely innocent. Not that anyone seemed to care about that.

«I didn’t leak it Sonny! I’m telling the truth! Someone hacked my work laptop and sent it from there!» she had pleaded with her husband. But when he wouldn’t listen she shook her head, tears already running down her cheek. «When you decide to listen to me, I’ll be at my parents house, with the kids!» she spat, running to their shared room to pack her things. The kids already had a lot of clothes at her parent’s house, so she only needed to get things for her self.

«Doll!» he tried. «Save it Dominick! I don’t want to hear it», she said, glaring at him before storming out the house. (Y/N) thanked her lucky stars that the kids were already with her parents. The worst thing she and Sonny could do was to fight in front of the kids.

~~~

That was a couple of months ago. She still hadn’t been told she was right all along. And she was still ignoring Sonny. The truth was, she wanted to make up with him so bad, mostly for the kids who were crying most nights asking for him. But they were both hotheads, so unless Sonny came to his senses and started apologizing for how crappy he had treated her, she didn’t want to hear it.

(Y/N) was in the middle of writing a new chapter for her book when she got a call from her sister-in-law.

«Hello? Nina? Hey! Calm down, please, and tell me what happened.» Nina was talking about a mile a minute, and it was getting hard for (Y/N) to understand what she was saying. «Oh my God! When?! Just now? Hey, shh. Tell the others I’m on my way!» (Y/N)’s brother, Tony, was a fire fighter with firehouse 61 in Chicago. And according to his wife, Nina, he had been severely injured on the job.

She couldn’t really say she played favorites when it came to her brothers, she loved them all equally. Not to mention three of their brothers, Ed, Val and Leo, also worked in the emergency service industry in Chicago. Ed being in intelligence for the Chicago PD, Val worked as an EMT for firehouse 61 and Leo worked at Chicago Med as a trauma surgeon. Being a worried sister came with it. Especially with Ed, Val and Tony who were on the front line every day.

~~~

(Y/N) bolted through the doors of the Emergency room at Med as soon as she got there. «Casey! Where is he?!» she called out, locking eyes with Tony’s lieutenant, Matt Casey. «(Y/N)! Oh my God! Thank God you’re here!» he said, hugging her. «They took him into surgery a couple of hours ago. He’s in recovery now, but still under», Casey added, helping her sit down. «Where’s Nina?» she asked, looking for her sister-in-law. «With your brothers, they’re at Tony’s place», he explained. Nodding her head at that, she leant back in her seat, taking a deep breath.

«What the heck happened out there?» she asked no one in particular. «He tried to get a mother and son out of the building and a beam fell down and trapped him under it. We almost didn’t get to him in time», Otis said, biting his lip as he sat opposite her. «But you did get to him. Thank you.» She felt tears slip down her cheeks as she stood up and hugged Otis.

~~~

Hours went by until Dr. Halstead came out, looking at everyone. «Where’s his family?» he asked, before spotting (Y/N), Nina, Ed, Val and Leo. «Come with me please», he said. «Casey can you please call my parents for us?» (Y/N) said, expecting the worst by the way Will was standing.

She was right to think the worst. Dr. Halstead explained that the damage was too severe, he had been in there too long, and the beam had hit just right, meaning it was no saving him. Biting her lip, (Y/N) stood back as her bothers and her sister-in-law hugged and cried. She didn’t know what do do, all she really could do was pray that this was all a joke, a sick dream, and that she would wake up and Tony would be there, awake and smiling at her as he told her one of his weird jokes. But she knew that wasn’t the case, he was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. Tony was just laying there, machines beeping around him. If only he had taken the day off like he had said he was going to do, according to Nina. But there was never anyone who could tell Tony not to work, he was stubborn as a mule and loyal to a fault.

«I need someone to sign off on the papers if we should turn of the machines or not», Dr. Manning chimed in, standing next to Dr. Halstead. «Can we wait until our parents get here?» Leo asked his colleague. «Yeah sure», the brunette girl said, nodding before she and Halstead left.

~~~

The five of them sat there, just watching Tony for what felt like hours, until (Y/N) couldn’t take the silence anymore and got up, going out to the waiting room.

«(Y/N), how’s Tony?» Casey asked, approaching her as the other fire fighters looked up or got out of their seats. «He—he’s not gonna make it. We’re just waiting for our parents and our other brother to get here before we sign the papers», she explained, wiping some tears away. «I’m so sorry to hear that (Y/N). If there’s anything we can do, you just let us know okay?» she nodded at that, giving Casey a hug.

(Y/N) decided to stay in the waiting room with the firefighters, just so she could be the first person her parents and Sergio saw when then got there.

She had stood so motionless that she almost didn’t feel the arms wrapping around her waist until she heard a soft murmur, «Shhh doll, it’s okay.» Sonny was the first and the last person she wanted to see right now. But feeling a moment of weakness, she leant into her husbands chest.

The moment ended quickly though as soon as she saw her parents rush in. «Ma! Dad! Ser!» she called out, running over to them, embracing them all in hugs. «How is he?» her mother asked, looking at her. «He’s not gonna make it ma. I’m sorry», (Y/N) said, looking at the ground as if she was the culprit behind the accident. «Oh god!» Mrs. (Y/L/N) exclaimed, falling into her daughter’s embrace. «I’m so sorry ma», (Y/N) whispered, hugging her mother.

They walked together into the room, leaving Sonny behind, wishing he could take his wife in his arms again and kiss her, to tell her it would be okay in the end. But seeing she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring, he figured she was moving on. Gina had told him about this divorce lawyer friend she had who had gotten (Y/N) the papers. He knew it was coming, he just hoped she would change her mind and come back to him.

~~~

Leo had come out a while after the arrival of their parents and brother. Every firefighter in the room stood up and looked at him. He looked so tired, having been here since the start of his shift the evening before. «Doc?» Chief Boden asked, looking at Leo. «He’s at peace now», was all Leo said, before leaving.

«Leo! Hold up!» Sonny called out, running over to his brother-in-law. «What is it Detective Carisi?» he asked, looking back at Sonny. «How’s (Y/N)?» Sonny asked. «Do you mean after what happened with Tony? Or after you decided to call her a liar and get her fired from her dream job and almost arrested?» Leo knew all about how Sonny broke her heart, all her brothers knew. «I—I should have never done it. I made a huge mistake, and I beat myself up for hurting her, every day. I don’t know what to do. She’s my dream girl and I ruined that», Sonny tried so hard to not break down and cry, it was the last thing (Y/N) and her family needed. «You should have thought of that before then!» Leo stated, turning to leave Sonny behind.

~~~

Later that evening at Nina and Tony’s place, (Y/N) called her mother-in-law. She wanted to say goodnight to the kids. «(Y/N). How are you holding up dear?» Mrs. Carisi asked, looking at her daughter-in-law. «I could be better. Are the kids still awake?» she asked in return. «Yeah hold on. Dom can you get the kids in here please?» Mrs. Carisi asked her husband.

A minute later the kids were in the room in front of the phone. «Mommy! We miss you!» Giovanni and Matteo said in unison. «I miss you kiddos too! Are you being good to nonna and nonno?» at this the boys and Angelina nodded their heads.

«Is daddy there too?» Dominick asked, looking at his mother. «No. Sorry baby», (Y/N) said, giving the kids a sympathetic look. She knew the kids were missing their father, and she couldn’t lie, she missed Sonny too. Having seen him at the hospital earlier had really made her feel better.

After the kids said their goodnights and I love yous, Mrs. Carisi came back in frame. «I know you don’t want to hear it (Y/N), and I was so mad at him when I heard what happened. But have you thought about talking to him? He’s not himself anymore, keeps asking about you and the kids in case I had heard something. I heard something about his attitude towards his colleagues have gotten shorter and he snaps easily», she explained. It broke (Y/N)’s heart to hear how Sonny had changed after the separation. After talking to the divorce lawyer Gina had recommended, she often though about going to Sonny and taking him back, but she couldn’t give up. He had broken her trust, that couldn’t be forgiven that easily.

She missed him like crazy though, and she knew it wouldn’t go away. «Maybe I can talk to him tomorrow?» she murmured, looking from her mother-in-law to the table. «You love him still, don’t you sweetie?» (Y/N) nodded at this, tears slipping down her cheeks before she could stop them, «Yeah, like crazy. But he hurt me, how do I forgive him for that?» she asked, biting down on her lip. «You don’t. But it helps talking it out. That way you can both go from there and hopefully make your way back together. You and Sonny were made for each other sweetie, we saw it long before you both did. Don’t let something so good go to waste dear», Mrs. Carisi said, giving her daughter-in-law a warm smile.

(Y/N) finished her video chat quickly after that, saying she was exhausted, but really, she needed time to think about what her mother-in-law had said. On one hand she wanted to run to where Sonny was staying, hug him and tell him she loved him and she wanted it again. But then in the back of her head she would tell herself that he didn’t deserve to be taken back, and well, that voice was usually the loudest voice.

She finally set for a somewhat healthy medium when she picked up the phone and dialed his number. (Y/N) just about threw her phone at the wall when he picked up. «Doll?» he asked, his voice sounding raw, almost as if he had been crying. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to hug him, she always hated it when he cried, she just didn’t want him to be hurt. «Hey Sonny», she said, and it was the first time in a long time she had said his name, and been happy when she said it. «Are you okay?» he asked, not quite believing that she would call him. «Can we talk? Tomorrow? Over breakfast, my treat», she asked in return. «I’d love that. But please, let me pay.» he offered. «Okay. See you tomorrow», she said. There was a short moment of silence before she added «I love you Sonny.» It was so silent after that, that (Y/N) thought he had passed out, until he replied just as softly as she had with «I love you too doll. Always.»

Sonnyverse taglist:

@sweetcannolicarisi

#sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi #detective sonny carisi #sonny x reader #carisi x reader #dominick carisi #dominick carisi jr.#ada carisi #ada sonny carisi #detective carisi #sonnyverse #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi one shot #sonny carisi family

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phroyd · 4 years

Link

Oh My, what terrible timing, and what a great loss! Rest In Peace Justice Ginsburg, thank you for all you have done for our country! - Phroyd

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the demure firebrand who in her 80s became a legal, cultural and feminist icon, died Friday. The Supreme Court announced her death, saying the cause was complications from metastatic cancer of the pancreas.

The court, in a statement, said Ginsburg died at her home in Washington surrounded by family. She was 87.

"Our nation has lost a justice of historic stature," Chief Justice John Roberts said. "We at the Supreme Court have lost a cherished colleague. Today we mourn but with confidence that future generations will remember Ruth Bader Ginsburg as we knew her, a tired and resolute champion of justice."

Architect of the legal fight for women's rights in the 1970s, Ginsburg subsequently served 27 years on the nation's highest court, becoming its most prominent member. Her death will inevitably set in motion what promises to be a nasty and tumultuous political battle over who will succeed her, and it thrusts the Supreme Court vacancy into the spotlight of the presidential campaign.

By subscribing, you agree to NPR's terms of use and privacy policy. NPR may share your name and email address with your NPR station. See Details. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Just days before her death, as her strength waned, Ginsburg dictated this statement to her granddaughter Clara Spera: "My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed."

She knew what was to come. Ginsburg's death will have profound consequences for the court and the country. Inside the court, not only is the leader of the liberal wing gone, but with the Court about to open a new term, Chief Justice John Roberts no longer holds the controlling vote in closely contested cases.

Though he has a consistently conservative record in most cases, he has split from fellow conservatives in a few important ones, this year casting his vote with liberals, for instance, to at least temporarily protect the so-called Dreamers from deportation by the Trump administration, to uphold a major abortion precedent, and to uphold bans on large church gatherings during the coronavirus pandemic. But with Ginsburg gone, there is no clear court majority for those outcomes.

Indeed, a week after the upcoming presidential election, the court is for the third time scheduled to hear a challenge brought by Republicans to the Affordable Care Act, known as Obamacare. In 2012 the high court upheld the law by a 5-to-4 vote, with Chief Justice Roberts casting the deciding vote and writing the opinion for the majority. But this time the outcome may well be different.

That's because Ginsburg's death gives Republicans the chance to tighten their grip on the court with another Trump appointment that would give conservatives a 6-to-3 majority. And that would mean that even a defection on the right would leave conservatives with enough votes to prevail in the Obamacare case and many others.

At the center of the battle to achieve that will be Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. In 2016 he took a step unprecedented in modern times: He refused for nearly a year to allow any consideration of President Obama's supreme court nominee.

Back then, McConnell's justification was the upcoming presidential election, which he said would allow voters a chance to weigh in on what kind of justice they wanted. But now, with the tables turned, McConnell has made clear he will not follow the same course. Instead he will try immediately push through a Trump nominee so as to ensure a conservative justice to fill Ginsburg's liberal shoes, even if President Trump were to lose his re-election bid. Asked what he would do in circumstances like these, McConnell said: "Oh, we'd fill it."

So what happens in the coming weeks will be bare-knuckle politics, writ large, on the stage of a presidential election. It will be a fight Ginsburg had hoped to avoid, telling Justice Stevens shortly before his death that she hoped to serve as long as he did--until age 90.

"My dream is that I will stay on the court as long as he did," she said in an interview in 2019.

She didn't quite make it. But Ruth Bader Ginsburg was nonetheless an historic figure. She changed the way the world is for American women. For more than a decade, until her first judicial appointment in 1980, she led the fight in the courts for gender equality. When she began her legal crusade, women were treated, by law, differently from men. Hundreds of state and federal laws restricted what women could do, barring them from jobs, rights and even from jury service. By the time she donned judicial robes, however, Ginsburg had worked a revolution.

That was never more evident than in 1996 when, as a relatively new Supreme Court justice, Ginsburg wrote the court's 7-to-1 opinion declaring that the Virginia Military Institute could no longer remain an all-male institution. True, said Ginsburg, most women — indeed most men — would not want to meet the rigorous demands of VMI. But the state, she said, could not exclude women who could meet those demands.

"Reliance on overbroad generalizations ... estimates about the way most men or most women are, will not suffice to deny opportunity to women whose talent and capacity place them outside the average description," Ginsburg wrote.

She was an unlikely pioneer, a diminutive and shy woman, whose soft voice and large glasses hid an intellect and attitude that, as one colleague put it, was "tough as nails."

By the time she was in her 80s, she had become something of a rock star to women of all ages. She was the subject of a hit documentary, a biopic, an operetta, merchandise galore featuring her "Notorious RBG" moniker, a Time magazine cover, and regular Saturday Night Live sketches.

On one occasion in 2016, Ginsburg got herself into trouble and later publicly apologized for disparaging remarks she made about then-presidential candidate Donald Trump.

But for the most part Ginsburg enjoyed her fame and maintained a sense of humor about herself.

Asked about the fact that she had apparently fallen asleep during the 2015 State of the Union address, Ginsburg did not take the Fifth, admitting that although she had vowed not to drink at dinner with the other justices before the speech, the wine had just been too good to resist. The result, she said, was that she was perhaps not an entirely "sober judge" and kept nodding off.

Born in Brooklyn, N.Y., Ruth Bader went to public schools, where she excelled as a student — and as a baton twirler. By all accounts, it was her mother who was the driving force in her young life, but Celia Bader died of cancer the day before the future Justice would graduate from high school.

Then 17, Ruth Bader went on to Cornell on full scholarship, where she met Martin (aka "Marty") Ginsburg. "What made Marty so overwhelmingly attractive to me was that he cared that I had a brain," she said.

After her graduation, they were married and went off to Fort Sill, Okla., for his military service. There Mrs. Ginsburg, despite scoring high on the civil service exam, could only get a job as a typist, and when she became pregnant, she lost even that job.

Two years later, the couple returned to the East Coast to attend Harvard Law School. She was one of only nine women in a class of over 500 and found the dean asking her why she was taking up a place that "should go to a man."

At Harvard, she was the academic star, not Marty. The couple was busy juggling schedules, and their toddler when Marty was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Surgeries and aggressive radiation followed.

"So that left Ruth with a 3-year-old child, a fairly sick husband, the law review, classes to attend and feeding me," said Marty Ginsburg in a 1993 interview with NPR.

The experience also taught the future justice that sleep was a luxury. During the year of Marty's illness, he was only able to eat late at night; after that he would dictate his senior class paper to Ruth. At about 2 a.m., he would go back to sleep, Ginsburg recalled in an NPR interview. "Then I'd take out the books and start reading what I needed to be prepared for classes the next day."

Marty Ginsburg survived, graduated, and got a job in New York; his wife, a year behind him in school, transferred to Columbia, where she graduated at the top of her law school class. Despite her academic achievements, the doors to law firms were closed to women, and though recommended for a Supreme Court clerkship, she wasn't even interviewed.

It was bad enough that she was a woman, she recalled later, but she was also a mother, and male judges worried that she would be diverted by her "familial obligations."

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is pictured in the justice's chambers in Washington, D.C., during an interview with NPR's Nina Totenberg in September 2016.

A mentor, law professor Gerald Gunther, finally got her a clerkship in New York by promising Judge Edmund Palmieri that if she couldn't do the work, he would provide someone who could. That was "the carrot," Ginsburg would say later. "The stick" was that Gunther, who regularly fed his best students to Palmieri, told the judge that if he didn't take Ginsburg, Gunther would never send him a clerk again. The Ginsburg clerkship apparently was a success; Palmieri kept her not for the usual one year, but two, from 1959-61.

Ginsburg's next path is rarely talked about, mainly because it doesn't fit the narrative. She learned Swedish so she could work with Anders Berzelius, a Swedish civil procedure scholar. Through the Columbia Law School Project on International Procedure, Ginsburg and Berzelius co-authored a book.

In 1963, Ginsburg finally landed a teaching job at Rutgers law school, where she at one point hid her second pregnancy by wearing her mother-in-law's clothes. The ruse worked; her contract was renewed before her new baby was born.

While at Rutgers, she began her work fighting gender discrimination.

The 'Mother Brief'

Her first big case was a challenge to a law that barred a Colorado man named Charles Moritz from taking a tax deduction for the care of his 89-year-old mother. The IRS said the deduction, by statute, could only be claimed by women, or widowed or divorced men. But Moritz had never married.

The tax court concluded that the internal revenue code was immune to constitutional challenge, a notion that tax lawyer Marty Ginsburg viewed as "preposterous." The two Ginsburgs took on the case, he from the tax perspective, she from the constitutional perspective.

According to Marty Ginsburg, for his wife, this was the "mother brief." She had to think through all the issues and how to fix the inequity. The solution was to ask the court not to invalidate the statute but to apply it equally to both sexes. She won in the lower courts.

"Amazingly," he recalled in a 1993 NPR interview, the government petitioned the United States Supreme Court, stating that the decision "cast a cloud of unconstitutionality" over literally hundreds of federal statutes, and it attached a list of those statutes, which it compiled with Defense Department computers.

Those laws, Marty Ginsburg added, "were the statutes that my wife then litigated ... to overturn over the next decade."

In 1971, she would write her first Supreme Court brief in the case of Reed v. Reed. Ginsburg represented Sally Reed, who thought she should be the executor of her son's estate instead of her ex-husband.

The constitutional issue was whether a state could automatically prefer men over women as executors of estates. The answer from the all-male supreme court: no.

It was the first time the court had ever struck down a state law because it discriminated based on gender.

And that was just the beginning.

By then Ginsburg was earning quite a reputation. She would become the first female tenured professor at Columbia Law School, and she would found the Women's Rights Project at the ACLU.

As the chief architect of the battle for women's legal rights, Ginsburg devised a strategy that was characteristically cautious, precise and single-mindedly aimed at one goal: winning.

Knowing that she had to persuade male, establishment-oriented judges, she often picked male plaintiffs, and she liked Social Security cases because they illustrated how discrimination against women can harm men. For example, in Weinberger v. Wiesenfeld, she represented a man whose wife, the principal breadwinner, died in childbirth. The husband sought survivor's benefits to care for his child, but under the then-existing Social Security law, only widows, not widowers, were entitled to such benefits.

"This absolute exclusion, based on gender per se, operates to the disadvantage of female workers, their surviving spouses, and their children," Ginsburg told the justices at oral argument. The Supreme Court would ultimately agree, as it did in five of the six cases she argued.

Over the ensuing years, Ginsburg would file dozens of briefs seeking to persuade the courts that the 14th Amendment guarantee of equal protection applies not just to racial and ethnic minorities, but to women as well.

In an interview with NPR, she explained the legal theory that she eventually sold to the Supreme Court.

"The words of the 14th Amendment's equal protection clause — 'nor shall any state deny to any person the equal protection of the laws.' Well that word, 'any person,' covers women as well as men. And the Supreme Court woke up to that reality in 1971," Ginsburg said.

During these pioneering years, Ginsburg would often work through the night as she had during law school. But by this time, she had two children, and she later liked to tell a story about the lesson she learned when her son, in grade school, seemed to have a proclivity for getting into trouble.

The scrapes were hardly major, and Ginsburg grew exasperated by demands from school administrators that she come in to discuss her son's alleged misbehavior. Finally, there came a day when she had had enough. "I had stayed up all night the night before, and I said to the principal, 'This child has two parents. Please alternate calls.'"

After that, she found, the calls were few and far between. It seemed, she said, that most infractions were not worth calling a busy husband about.

The Supreme Court's Second Woman

In 1980 then-President Jimmy Carter named Ginsburg to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia. Over the next 13 years, she would amass a record as something of a centrist liberal, and in 1993 then-President Bill Clinton nominated her to the Supreme Court, the second woman appointed to the position.

She was not first on his list. For months Clinton flirted with other potential nominees, and some women's rights activists withheld their active support because they were worried about Ginsburg's views on abortion. She had been publicly critical of the legal reasoning in Roe v. Wade.

But in the background, Marty Ginsburg was lobbying hard for his wife. And finally Ruth Ginsburg was invited for a meeting with the president. As one White House official put it afterward, Clinton "fell for her--hook, line and sinker." So did the Senate. She was confirmed by a vote of 96 to 3.

Once on the court, Ginsburg was an example of a woman who defied stereotypes. Though she looked tiny and frail, she rode horses well into her 70s and even went parasailing. At home, it was her husband who was the chef, indeed a master chef, while the justice cheerfully acknowledged that she was an awful cook.

Though a liberal, she and the court's conservative icon, Antonin Scalia, now deceased, were the closest of friends. Indeed, an opera called Scalia/Ginsburg is based on their legal disagreements, and their affection for each other.

Over the years, as Ginsburg's place on the court grew in seniority, so did her role. In 2006, as the court veered right after the retirement of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, Ginsburg dissented more often and more assertively, her most passionate dissents coming in women's rights cases.

Dissenting in Ledbetter v. Goodyear in 2007, she called on Congress to pass legislation that would override a court decision that drastically limited back-pay available for victims of employment discrimination. The resulting legislation was the first bill passed in 2009 after President Barack Obama took office.

In 2014, she dissented fiercely from the court's decision in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, a decision that allowed some for-profit companies to refuse, on religious grounds, to comply with a federal mandate to cover birth control in health care plans. Such an exemption, she said, would "deny legions of women who do not hold their employers' beliefs, access to contraceptive coverage."

Where, she asked, "is the stopping point?" Suppose it offends an employer's religious belief "to pay the minimum wage" or "to accord women equal pay?"

And in 2013, when the court struck down a key provision of the Voting Rights Act, contending that times had changed and the law was no longer needed, Ginsburg dissented. She said that throwing out the provision "when it has worked and is continuing to work ... is like throwing away your umbrella in a rainstorm because you are not getting wet."

She viewed her dissents as a chance to persuade a future court.

"Some of my favorite opinions are dissenting opinions," Ginsburg told NPR. "I will not live to see what becomes of them, but I remain hopeful."

And yet, Ginsburg still managed some unexpected victories by winning over one or two of the conservative justices in important cases. In 2015, for example, she authored the court's decision upholding independent redistricting commissions established by voter referenda as a way of removing some of the partisanship in drawing legislative district lines.

Ginsburg always kept a backbreaking schedule of public appearances both at home and abroad, even after five bouts with cancer: colon cancer in 1999, pancreatic cancer 10 years later, lung cancer in 2018, and then pancreatic cancer again in 2019 and liver lesions in 2020. During that time, she endured chemotherapy, radiation, and in the last years of her life, terrible pain from shingles that never went away completely. All who knew her admired her grit. In 2009, three weeks after major cancer surgery, she surprised everyone when she showed up for the State of the Union address.

Shortly after that, she was back on the bench; it was her husband Marty who told her she could do it, even when she thought she could not, she told NPR.

A year later her psychological toughness was on full display when her beloved husband of 56 years was mortally ill. As she packed up his things at the hospital before taking him home to die, she found a note he had written to her. "My Dearest Ruth," it began, "You are the only person I have ever loved," setting aside children and family. "I have admired and loved you almost since the day we first met at Cornell....The time has come for me to ... take leave of life because the loss of quality simply overwhelms. I hope you will support where I come out, but I understand you may not. I will not love you a jot less."

Shortly after that, Marty Ginsburg died at home. The next day, his wife, the justice, was on the bench, reading an important opinion she had authored for the court. She was there, she said, because "Marty would have wanted it."

Years later, she would read the letter aloud in an NPR interview, and at the end, choke down the tears.

In the years after Marty's death, she would persevere without him, maintaining a jam-packed schedule when she was not on the bench or working on opinions.

Some liberals criticized her for not retiring while Obama was president, but she was at the top of her game, enjoyed her work enormously, and feared that Republicans might not confirm a successor. She was an avid consumer of opera, literature, and modern art. But in the end, it was her work, she said, that sustained her.

"I do think that I was born under a very bright star," she said in an NPR interview. "Because if you think about my life, I get out of law school. I have top grades. No law firm in the city of New York will hire me. I end up teaching; it gave me time to devote to the movement for evening out the rights of women and men. "

And it was that legal crusade for women's rights that ultimately led to her appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court.

To the end of her tenure, she remained a special kind of feminist, both decorous and dogged.

Phroyd

#scotus #ruth bader ginsburg #rip

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needsmoresleepwrites · 3 years

Text

Gift for Daiyanerd: Miyuki Kazuya. Always cool and collected. Has a great side profile. Good at baseball. Well, no, great is the correct word. (sofa’21)

Moratorium

Read on Ao3

ONE

Miyuki Kazuya

Always cool and collected. Has a great side profile. Good at baseball. Well, no, great is the correct word. Even when he sometimes messes up some of the smaller plays. Reliable. Daring. Funny. Charming. Has probably had a dozen girlfriends, or maybe not. Nobody has been able to get any concrete answer on that one question, but he's definitely a lady's man, his fan club primarily consisting of girls and women that claim they would leave their current lives just to marry him if he so much as hinted interest. Or at least that's what many of the magazines, both sports and gossip ones say about him

Not to be too full of himself, but Kazuya thinks that much of what they say has some foundation. Yeah, people like Yoichi and Jun know better but he has to agree that his catching skills are unparalleled. He might also really like sending magazine covers with blown up images of his smiling (smirking) face to Yoichi just to get a scathing reply or an angry call. His only response is his lady killer (annoying) laugh

He knows he's always being watched by someone, but it completely slips his mind that anything could go wrong on that day

The headlines are brutal and he's gotten many messages and calls from his friends. He hasn't really answered because, well, he hasn't been able to. But he knows what they're saying. He's laying at the hospital with bandages covering most of his torso. He has a sense of deja vu, having been in a similar position when he'd been in high school, but this is much, much worse. Something happened and everyone is scrambling to find out what

Everyone except Rei, who has been detained. The tabloids are lapping this up like it's the sip of water they've finally been allowed after being stuck in a desert for months. Except that they're ruining the lives of the people Kazuya loves the most

He sees different news channels trying to get interviews from the few people that make up his friends. They want to know about Rei from high school. They've dug up her whole life's story and put it on full blast. They want to know about Kazuya, as if they haven't already told all there is to say, invented and created his whole career. They talk about how Rei pretty much scouted him from a very young age. The same women that claim they would do anything for Kazuya have turned razer sharp, claiming that "they knew it all along" and that Rei "had it coming"

They all twist the information for entertainment and Kazuya closes his eyes, disgusted at what they say about her.

There had been an accident. His car had been hit and he knows he needed surgery. Later they found out it was all a setup and he went from being one of the richest people and baseball players in Japan to having nothing. His career may as well be over. It will take too long for him to recover. Games won't wait.

Kazuya throws the remote in his hand and wants to tell them all its lies. He knows Rei would never do something like this. She's smart. It doesn't make sense. As much as Rei will follow a gut instinct, especially if it's about recruiting potential, it's always based on logic. There is no logic here.

His name flashes on multiple headlines and all he wants to scream is no, I didn't she say she stole my money!

The machines connected to his body have been beeping for a while now and finally, nurses and doctors run in. They try to get him to calm down but all he can do is repeat It wasn't her! It wasn't her! Rei would never! Tell them to stop!

Soon he feels drowsy and he realizes he's been sedated.

Before he closes his eyes he sees a picture of Rei next to the news anchor. Her hair is down, her eyes look haunted, but her posture is proud. She's not in her usual suit. Instead, she's wearing that dreaded green top, almost drowning her, making her pale skin paler. She doesn't look right. It's not the Rei he knows. The Rei he owes everything to.

He feels the tears burn his eyes.

----

TWO.

It takes a little over a year for things to "settle" down, but once the storm is over, everything is ruined.

Kazuya still manages to get his face blown up on magazine covers, but this time it's for a different reason. He's now considered a victim and he hates the images of him being wheeled out of the hospital. Of the tabloids somehow getting a shot of his bloodshot eyes, his pale skin, and his hunched shoulders. He wishes his attorney had allowed Kazuya to do something, but everything was too precarious, we have to be careful. Careful of what? He can no longer play baseball. He was already pushing the age of acceptability, only being allowed to continue contracts because he was so good, was still quick, was dedicated in mind, body, and soul to the game. But now he was injured, would be in rehab, and nobody knew if he'd still be able to move as great as before. Nobody would take that risk

Rei is finally released, but her life is ruined too. Hers is worse than Kazuya's will ever be. Not just because she's the supposed mastermind of the accident and subsequent disappearance of his capital, but because she's a woman. It's made him sick how she's been torn apart and left behind. She had already been forcefully (through great results) making her own space at the table. This was just the excuse to make her disappear. Nobody wanted a criminal as their associate. The label was tarnished and it would take time to rebuild their name. "Apologies" had been passed around, but nobody would take the risk of allowing her space again

Nobody thought to ask her side of the story, to reach out and help. She was alone. Nobody could legally take what she's rightfully earned, but they can pile fines upon fines. She is "free to go" but they have severely limited what she can do.

It only makes sense that she finally retires. Kazuya goes to see her with the Seidou team. He breaks when he finally sees what they've done to her, all in "his name", to "protect him". Rei is strong, logical, smart, but she can't help but allow herself to show a bit of emotion at that moment. She wipes away at Kazuya's face, "There's nothing left for me here and there's no use crying. The only way to go now is forward."

Chris recommends that Kazuya go to the same rehab facility he went to in America.

Kazuya doesn't want to leave. It feels like admitting defeat, like running away, like he's abandoning his friends.

Yoichi grits his teeth, tells Kazuya he wants to punch him for being so stupid, "But hitting an injured person isn't my style, even though it's YOU."

There is little progress on his health, both physical and mental, and then Yoichi, who has been singlehandedly taking care of him whenever he has a moment to spare, nearly begs him, "Kazuya, please. Go. Don't let this defeat you. I don't want to admit it but I miss seeing that stupidly smug look on your face. Remember what Rei said. You have to keep moving forward!"

He can't help but laugh one night when he can't sleep, Yoichi's words and his concerned face plaguing his mind. He can't believe he almost let this defeat him. He can't believe he was down enough to force his best friend to make such a face, to make him cry for his sake. He feels like he's let everyone down, especially Rei.

He calls Chris a few days later.

Before leaving, he logs into his Twitter account, which, like any other media source, he's been avoiding for the past year. Someone has obviously logged in and cleared his notifications and as his last stand, no first, because even now "they have to be careful", Kazuya quote RTs an article he hasn't even read, but he doesn't need to. He chooses it because it has one of those headlines. He presses send and logs out.

I NEVER said she stole my money.

----

THREE.

It's two years when he finally comes back to Japan. His rehab had ended months ago but there was a part of him that had been afraid to come back. He's sure Yoichi had sensed it, which is why he'd pretty much dragged him back.

He remembers the conversation they had. It had been really late in Japan, he's sure that Yoichi was on the verge of passing out, could hear every yawn he tried to hide, but he wouldn't let Kazuya hang up, "I'm not hanging up until you agree."

Kazuya sighs, "There's nothing for me to do out there anyway. Here, I've been helping at the hospital."

"But you don't even like that kind of stuff! I bet you're bored out of your mind," Yoichi countered, and Kazuya has to admit that he's not exactly wrong. He misses the excitement from the diamond, feeling the burn on his thighs as he squats behind the batter, signaling different plays to his catchers, the feel of the ball as it lands perfectly in his gloved palm, the roar of the crowd as they once more strikeout another enemy batter. But he can't have any of that. This year Kazuya turns 30 and he has become stiff. He can't move as dexterously as before.

He hears some shuffling on the other end, as if Yoichi is changing positions on his bed, "Look. Not many people know this but...this is actually my last year playing."

Kazuya freezes at that. He knows Yoichi is still keeping up with his own records, has won his team countless matches for his boldness, knows they would never want to let him go. He briefly fears that maybe an injury is involved but shakes his head. No, Yoichi would tell him if that's the case, so then, "Why?"

"That's why I called and I need you to come back," there's another pause, not long, "I'm getting married."

Kazuya blanks out for a moment and then stops what he's doing altogether (he turns off the stove, he'd been making breakfast but this is more important. Besides, he had almost been done), "Married? Did you kidnap some poor girl? I haven't even heard of you dating."

"KAZUYA," he hears Yoichi yell, "I didn't kidnap anyone! And that's because my PR team has been making sure to keep things tightly sealed, and I guess we also haven't been able to see each other much too." That last part is mumbled but Kazuya catches it anyway.

Kazuya hums, still disbelieving, but only slightly. He knows Yoichi wouldn't kid about something like this so if he says he's getting married, he's getting married, "Congratulations then. Not sure how someone found you husband material, but they do say there's a type for everyone. How'd you meet her?"

"You are such a dick," Yoichi hisses, "How are we still even friends?"

Kazuya sometimes wonders the same thing. Yoichi has been with him at his best and worst and has never given up on him. He laughs, "My great personality?"

Yoichi snorts right before laughing, "Yeah right. Anyway, so I met this guy-"

"A husband?" Kazuya cuts him off, genuinely curious, but also can't help but tease, "You hid it so well with all those magazines. I'm sure nobody suspected. No wonder your team is doing such a great job at hiding this."

Yoichi yells into the phone, "Let me finish asshole! No! It's not a guy, her name is Wakana! And she's the childhood friend of this guy I met!"

Kazuya makes a tsk noise, "Yoichi, did you steal her from this guy? Are you a homewrecker?"

Instead of getting mad, Yoichi snorts, "As if. Can you believe Wakana was actually in love with Sawamoron for years and he didn't realize."

Kazuya adds, "So you seduced her?" before Yoichi can continue with the story.

"No? I mean, I'm not sure," but they both know that Yoichi probably couldn't seduce anyone even if he tried. Charmed, yes, but outright seduce? And a girl he liked? Very unlikely, "But she'd been tired of waiting and so I met her after she'd confessed and he rejected her."

"Hmm," Kazuya interrupts again, "So you took advantage when she was down. That makes more sense. She was probably so down about being rejected she would have said yes to anyone. Sadly that someone was you."

Yoichi is flabbergasted, "Take advantage?! MIYUKI, that's not- I'd never - just let me finish!"

Kazuya laughs, "Ok, ok. So how did you meet her? I won't interrupt again."

Just like that, Yoichi calms down and Kazuya notes the happiness in his voice as he laughs, not at Kazuya, but at something, the memory perhaps, and Kazuya is slightly jealous. He's not sure at what or who.

"So this kid, Sawamura, we were going to meet up at the park. He had something to tell me, but then I see him running after this girl, yelling about money or something. So I cut her off-"

Kazuya can't help but laugh, "Y-Yoichi, did you, did you attack the poor girl?"

"Didn't you say you weren't going to interrupt?!" Yoichi screeches, but he starts laughing a bit too, "And no, I didn't attack her but, well..."

There's a groan on the other end and Kazuya can imagine his best friend blushing to the tips of his ears, "I pulled her by the arm and she was surprised, but then she did something and next thing I know I'm on the ground, looking up at her and Sawamura is laughing like he's seen the most hilarious thing ever!"

He wonders if that kid was laughing as hard as he is now. He feels the tears tickling his eyes, his cheeks hurt, and he feels the force of his laugh pulling on his stomach, "I already like the girl. What happened next?"

Yoichi lets him laugh but his voice is annoyed, not at him he notes, but at what happens next, "So Sawamoron comes up finally and he knows the girl and I'm confused and just got thrown to the ground by a girl that doesn't even reach my chin, and I ask him why he was yelling about a thief, because that's what he was doing."

More shifting on Yoichi's end, "And you know what he said to me?"

"What?"

"He goes "I never said she stole my money!" so I knock him over the head because yeah, he's right, he was YELLING IT. Everyone in the goddamn park heard it! Made him buy me dinner and everything."

Kazuya feels a lump in his throat but pushes it aside, he turns the stove on again to finish preparing his breakfast, "I guess for Wakana I can go back. When's the wedding? And will I be your best man?"

----

FOUR.

Kazuya hasn't even been home a month when Yoichi walks into his apartment with their old Seidou team. Everyone seems to be there, even the first years like Ryo's little brother and Furuya. There really isn't anything Kazuya can do but move aside so that everyone can come inside. At the end of the group, right after the first years enter, he spots someone he doesn't know. A kid with unruly brown hair, brown eyes, and tanned skin who looks slightly nervous. His posture is too stiff but he's also looking around curiously.

Yoichi notices Kazuya looking at him and comes over for introductions. He pulls the kid into a side hug, "Kazuya, this is Sawamura, Wakana's friend."

Kazuya looks him over. He's heard a few things about him from Yoichi, "So this is Sawamoron?" he teases. He can't help the lift of his lips as the kid splutters in indignation.

A high pitched, "Kuramochi-senpai! You can't call me that anymore, we're practically family now!"

Yoichi howls, slapping the kid on the back, "You're always going to be a moron Sawamura, hyahaha!"

Sawamura grits his teeth for a second before standing up straight, stretching out his hand towards Kazuya, "Good afternoon, It's a pleasure to meet you! My name is Sawamura Eijun! Thank you for inviting me!!"

Kazuya looks at the outstretched hand for a moment before he doubles over laughing. Sawamura let's out another unidentified sound before yelling, "That's so rude Miyuki Kazuya!!" but he hasn't dropped his arm.

Kazuya takes a breath, isn't surprised he knows his name (briefly wonders if he knows who he is), right before taking that tanned hand into his own. Sawamura's hold is firm, if a bit sweaty, nerves probably, "Well, as you so clearly let my neighbors know, my name is Miyuki Kazuya." He pauses, "And I didn't invite you."

Sawamura pales slightly, looks over to Yoichi who just makes a rude noise, "Really Kazuya? You have to be a dick right off the bat?"

Kazuya only smiles brightly, finally letting go of the kid's hand, looks around his house, and says, "Actually, I didn't invite any of you over. Why are you all here?"

The others have already settled into his kitchen and, he peers through the doorway, there are bottles of coke and beer and the smell of oily pizza in the air. Jun has already made himself at home on his couch, a paper plate with a pizza on it. He's halfway into that slice and Kazuya doesn't know why Jun didn't just take an extra slice or two with him before settling down. Ryo and Haruichi are putting things in his fridge. He realizes now how empty his fridge must have been. He had been meaning to go grocery shopping but he supposes he hadn't had the energy to go. Kanemaru is clearing up some of the boxes he had yet to unbox, reading the labels Chris had helped him write, and arranging them accordingly.

He knows that many of these guys are still part of the leagues, wonders how they managed to take a moment to raid his home (notices a few faces are missing, like Yuki but he would have been REALLY surprised if they'd managed to get him to come over). He remembers how they'd made it a routine to visit him when they were at Seidou, knowing he could get lost in strategizing and numbers quickly. He feels a penetrating gaze and turns to see the new kid watching him intently. Kazuya can't help the grin that grows on his face and it's finally starting to feel like home.

He motions the two in, "Well, you may as well come in. Everyone is already inside. Feel free to raid my fridge and make a mess in my new kitchen."

Yoichi laughs, pulling Sawamura inside with him. The kid still looks slightly off-balance, but he sits next to the first years like he belongs and he wonders why this picture looks so right.

Yoichi dives in for the last slice of pepperoni pizza just as Sawamura is about to reach for it and then loudly exclaims, "Hey Kazuya, wanna hear something funny?"

Kazuya has already grabbed his own plate and he wonders how he missed all of these pizza boxes when they first came inside. He grabs one with sausage and mushroom, "Hm?"

"So while we were getting the pizza, we sent Sawamura to go get the drinks, right?"

Sawamura, who had just taken a drink from his can of soda, instantly spits it out and Kazuya is both intrigued and disgusted as he sees the drink mixed with spit cover his table, "Kuramochi-senpai, don't!"

He sees Kanemaru chuckling and Jun roars from the living room. Apparently, there were many witnesses to this apparently funny story. Haruichi pats Sawamura's back softly while the kid's face glows red. Kazuya is momentarily worried he might faint but then curiosity wins out, "Oh?"

Yoichi and he share a look, "Get this, we all gave him our share, right? So he goes in and comes back all mad, saying we didn't give him the right amount, but then, but then," It seems the rest of it is too funny for Yoichi to continue because he starts laughing and he notices Sawamura cover his face. He mumbles something but Kazuya doesn't catch it.

Ryo helps him out. He's also amused, a smirk on his face, "The girl stole his change."

Sawamura uncovers his face and yells, "I never said she stole my money!"

There's a moment of silence before...

Jun. He'd come back into the kitchen to get more pizza, "Who else could it have been? Had to be the girl at the counter, or did you just give up your money?"

Kuramochi, "Easy prey, how you're even a teacher is beyond me."

Kanemaru, "Wait. So it wasn't the cashier?"

Even Kazuya can't help but ask, laughter tickling his words, "Emphasis on "she"?"

Sawamura seems to realize his error and covers his face again. He's mumbling again but instead of being annoyed by the bad habit, Kazuya thinks it's almost cute.

"Haruichi?" Ryo questions and Sawamura uncovers his face to yell, "Onii-san! That's not fair! Haruichi you can't tell, you promised!"

Haruichi is looking back and forth between them, "Well..."

Then Furuya explains all, "He was flirting with the delivery guy."

It somehow gets even louder inside his house and Kazuya can't believe he thought of not returning. It's true that his baseball career is over, but this is where his family is at. This is where his life is truly at. He laughs until the tears in his eyes fall.

They spend hours getting him up to speed on gossip.

----

FIVE.

Even though he's only known Sawamura for a few days, maybe weeks, he's the one that keeps Kazuya company the most. And there's a big reason for that named Kuramochi Yoichi. Even though, or perhaps because, it's nearing the end of his contract, Yoichi gets busier. There are some rumors as to why he's finally leaving baseball, but just like he'd told Kazuya, everything is still under wraps. There are no incriminating photos and no face to put to those rumors jealous girls spread online. Kazuya wonders how things will turn out once Yoichi fesses up but until then, Sawamura becomes his shadow

One, he's not bound to such a strenuous schedule (Yoichi told him Sawamura is the grade school teacher at one of the local schools not far from Kazuya's new place. His new house is conveniently placed so close because it will soon be Kazuya's new workplace and they just happen to be on break now), and second...well, Kazuya's not sure. Yoichi didn't want to tell him. Not exactly

He remembers the last time he actually met up with his best friend.

Yoichi had invited him over for dinner and Sawamura had come up somehow (Kazuya comes to realize that Sawamura comes up in their lives very often). Yoichi had been contemplative. They'd just finished watching a movie and were just sitting there in the dark, the credits rolling.

"You know. If Sawamura had actually been interested in Wakana...I don't think I'd have ever had a chance with her. There's just something about him...he's so..." Yoichi makes vague hand movements, "you know?"

Kazuya laughs and wonders if this is what best men have to deal with with their to-be grooms. Jitters, he's heard them called, but he was sure this feeling was supposed to happen days before the wedding, not so far ahead when there wasn't even a date finalized, "Already second-guessing the married life?"

Yoichi doesn't even take the bait. He just sighs and leans back on the couch, "No, I'm serious. There's just something about Sawamura, he's so honest and hardworking. I can see why Wakana liked him."

"Careful, or I might start to think you actually want to marry Sawamura instead."

Yoichi kicks him halfheartedly, "Dumbass."

Their feet are still touching and Yoichi nudges him, "He's a good kid you know."

Kazuya leans out to grab his drink from the low table, takes a sip, "He does seem like it. Although he's a bit..." He tries to find the right word. Dense? Airheaded? No..."innocent?"

Yoichi laughs, "Yes! The stories I could tell you."

It gets quiet and Kazuya enjoys it. It's been years since the two of them have done something like this.

Yoichi breaks the silence again, "You know...Rei actually tried scouting him."

Kazuya takes another swig of his drink, deep, and tries to wash away the feelings of guilt. He hasn't spoken to Rei since the incident. Hasn't really asked about her although he knows she's ok, thanks to Chris

But he's curious now. If Rei had been interested in him then he was undoubtedly good talent, "What happened?"

Yoichi scoffs, "The idiot turned her down! Said he didn't need any fancy schools to play baseball."

Kazuya can't help the snort he lets out into his drink. He hasn't known Sawamura long but he can somehow imagine the face he'd make, how loud he would yell that statement with conviction, "Too bad." He's sure Sawamura could have been someone if he'd come to Seidou and he somehow feels cheated of something

"What position?"

"Pitcher, a southpaw, nasty throw," Yoichi grips his cup tightly. He looks over at him, "He's not a professional but he does still play."

It's a subtle nudge that Kazuya ignores.

Which is probably why he finds Sawamura so often on his doorstep.

Today he's managed to wrangle Kazuya out of his house, but only because it's work-related. The summer heat isn't terrible today so the two decide to walk and even though it's not that far, Kazuya finds himself lightly perspiring. Perhaps he's let himself go more than he thought, and he begins planning a timetable to get his fitness in a better state. Meanwhile, Sawamura is all smiles

"Hurry up Miyuki Kazuya!" He's already at the side door, opening it with his staff key, and Kazuya wonders if they should even be here. There are hardly any cars parked outside and the school is obviously void of children. Classes don't start until next week

"You don't have to call me by my full name," Kazuya tells him as he enters the building. Sawamura slides past him after closing the door, making sure it locks properly, "You can call me Miyuki-senpai."

"What?!" Sawamura's voice echoes in the hallway, "Why should I call you that?!"

"Because you're younger," he pats Sawamura's head and grins, "And smaller."

He slaps his hand away, a blush on his face, "I'm not small! And you're not even that much taller!!"

He stands closer to Kazuya and points at the few centimeters difference between them. Kazuya pushes him back, "Miyuki-senpai."

Sawamura just rolls his eyes and continues walking, "You really do have a terrible personality Miyuki Kazuya!"

Kazuya just laughs, "Thanks!"

"Not a compliment!" Sawamura yells and then points to the rooms in the hall they're in, "I'm usually here with the kids. Since the school isn't that big you'll probably get kids as young as eight and as old as thirteen in your class too, since you're the only gym teacher until Kuramochi-senpai gets married."

Kazuya nods, "Ok, Sawamura...sensei."

Kazuya notes how easy it is to rile up Sawamura. How his face will quickly turn red and his lips will form pouts or grimaces, his body reacting so honestly so quickly. Now he brings up his hands to cover his ears as he yells, "Don't call me that!!"

"Then stop calling me by my full name, it's weird."

"MIYUKI KA-"

Kazuya somehow manages to raise his voice enough to speak over Sawamura, "So Sawamura-sensei, where do the kids go out to play? Sensei?"

Sawamura looks like he's about to burst and goes off yelling. Miyuki follows him, laughing, their voices echoing in tandem

They end up outside behind the school somewhere. Even though it's small, Kazuya is impressed by how well maintained it is. There is a small playground to the side, which has been recently repainted, signs marking the walls and tape clearly discouraging anyone from touching. The mats at the bottom look worn but not in bad shape. Then there is a track that circles what looks like enough field to be a neighborhood. Most of it is empty and Sawamura's talking about how sometimes the kids will go out there and play soccer or volleyball or really whatever sports they need that requires a lot of space. The only place that looks like it truly has a defined purpose is the baseball field.

He feels excited and scared at the same time, wants to run to home plate, to feel the dirt path against his feet, crouch, and take in the view. But he also thinks this is a bad idea. Maybe he shouldn't have come here, shouldn't have accepted the job. He knows why they want him, why they're willing to wait a year for Yoichi to come and teach. He's not sure if he can take the pressure

"Miyuki-senpai," he turns to Sawamura, who is pouting.

He's not sure why he feels himself calm down, perhaps it's because he'll take any distraction, even if it's loud Sawamura, or maybe it's because Sawamura looks ridiculous with his cheeks puffed out and his eyebrows scrunched up between his eyes. Kazuya smiles. It hurts a bit to do so, "Is this all just for the little gremlins? Lucky them, I didn't have something so big at my disposal when I was at school."

Sawamura suddenly inflates as he grins, "Yeah me neither! I'm from the countryside from a school even smaller than this! Wakana and I had to go to the other side of town with our friends if we wanted to play baseball. That's sort of what it's like here too. We share with some of the other schools and really anyone is welcome to come here as long as the kids aren't out playing."

"Wakana, huh," Kazuya notes. He hasn't actually met the bride-to-be yet, "Is she in the habit of taking people's money?"

Sawamura looks confused and perhaps a bit upset, "What?"

Kazuya only smirks, "I heard how Yoichi met her."

Understanding fills his eyes and he groans, "I keep telling Kuramochi-senpai not to tell that story! It's all lies! Lies! Come on, let's go to the gym, your to-be base."

They head back inside and Kazuya feels the smile that spreads on his face is lighter, amused. It's relaxing being with Sawamura, "So what, she wasn't stealing your money?"

"No!" Sawamura defends, "I never said she stole my money! It was all a misunderstanding!!"

"So what? She was just borrowing it?" Kazuya pushes and can't help but laugh as Sawamura goes red.

"I-It, my, NO! She just grabbed my wallet!! But she wasn't stealing it!"

----

SIX.

Kazuya hasn't been teaching for long when it's time to prepare for Sports Day and he forgets how tiring it can be. Sawamura is ecstatic the whole week leading up to the moment all the kids are let loose to run and play, and he's not sure how the flow of energy works, who feeds off who, but everyone seems to be ready to burst with enthusiasm by then. Kazuya feels like he's the only one who is burnt out. He's not usually used to so much happening, at least not like this

The school asks him to give an encouraging speech before the event begins, which Sawamura jealously admits had been his job the last two years, but he grins all the same. He encourages him to do his best, just like he does to the children and Kazuya isn't sure if he should be offended or glad when he feels the flat of Sawamura's palm on his back.

By then, Yoichi has finally wrapped things up with his team. He still has a few more interviews scheduled, but he's essentially removed himself (as much as he can) from the public eye. He's announced he's going to get married and has been asked many times about his to-be wife, but just like Kazuya, everyone is kept in the dark. On the few nights Yoichi manages to call him, to check up on him, Kazuya teases that maybe this is the most elaborate plan he's ever seen, that maybe this Wakana girl doesn't even exist

Yoichi just laughs, "What? Is The Great Miyuki Kazuya actually curious?"

Kazuya scoffs, "Of course not, and don't call me that. I can't get Sawamura to stop, I don't want you doing the same. It's so weird."

They talk until they're both ready to pass out but Yoichi tells him he'll be there and that he'll bring Wakana too. There's something strange with the way he says this but it's late, they've both been up for too long, and Kazuya doesn't remember the unease the next day

He doesn't remember until Sports Day, right before it happens.

It's usually a big event with parents and friends and the neighborhood coming by to see all their children perform at their best. This school is slightly different because of its size. It isn't just their kids (as Sawamura likes to say and Kazuya, reluctantly, has started to call his students), but a few students from two or three of the neighboring smaller schools. He's never seen the field so packed with kids. There are also a lot of cameras and flashing and suddenly Kazuya feels uncomfortably warm. This year it's not only locals that are here. He can see various news channels documenting the event and there are probably other labels walking around, trying to figure out what the next scoop will be. Or perhaps they've already been hinting at it but Kazuya has been avoiding all the gossip. He briefly wonders if they're here for him and while this might be slightly true, he's sure they're more likely to be here to catch a glimpse of Yoichi and Wakana

He decides to stick with Sawamura for most of the day.

Sawamura seems to be oblivious to all the attention, focusing on the kids, high-fiving everyone who is going to race, yelling encouragements as they pass him by, and yelling out happily as the kids make the baskets and reach the finish lines. Kazuya tries to show his support as well and Sawamura drags him from one event to the next. The parents love him as much as the children do. He briefly wonders if Sawamura will have any voice left for the next day

It's around the time the kids finally get their break for lunch (and that Sawamura pulls him over to an empty patch of grass so that they can finally rest as well, how Kazuya was able to crouch for hours on end before is almost a mystery to him now, he really HAS let himself go) that he starts to hear them

"I didn't say she stole MY money. Did you really not know?" "Is she REALLY here? "The NERVE of her." "We should tell the principal to kick her out. Where is she?"

Everything starts to go quiet as Kazuya looks around. There are too many people around, but he manages to find her by the fence behind the diamond. She's looking right at him and Kazuya feels himself stop breathing for a moment. He isn't sure what he was expecting but she looks exactly like she did three years ago, except somehow better. Her hair is up in her typical bun, she's wearing a pink button-up with her trademark pencil skirt. There's a small coat hanging off her arm, which is the only sign he has that she plans to stay for the whole of the day's events.

He gets up, ignores Sawamura's confused, "Miyuki-senpai?" and goes to meet her.

He remembers how Yoichi had sounded over the phone the other day and realizes that when he said her, he hadn't meant Wakana, he had meant Rei. She's smiling at him and once they're close enough, she says, "Miyuki Kazuya, it's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Rei," he all but whispers and he notices people are looking, the cameras are pointing in their direction and he smiles. He's so happy and relieved to see her. He wonders why he hadn't tried contacting her before, where the guilt and fear have gone. He thanks Yoichi, will thank him later as well, for always doing things like this for him, I'm the worst friend, aren't I? He can already see Yoichi's annoyed face as he threatens to punch him if he says anything so stupid again. He laughs, "It's been way too long. I'm sorry."

He finally has the chance to really apologize for everything, to offer his support, to ask how she's been doing, and he marvels at how Seidou is truly a family. His old teammates haven't just been trying to get him to move forward, they have also been helping Rei regain a semblance of her old life.

When they part, it turns into a game. They both know how things will go so they are bold, they grin, and take each other's hands in a firm shake.

"I'm sure I'll be seeing you on the field in the future." It's not a question.

"Of course." It's a promise.

At the end of the day, Sawamura and he are the last to leave the school since Sawamura offered to stay and clean up (and with him Kazuya). The sun is already on the verge of setting and Kazuya can't wait to take a bath and then crawl into bed. He doesn't want to wake up until a week from now.

As they're walking home (or really walking to his house because even now, he's never really asked where Sawamura lives, he imagines not far), Kazuya notices how quiet Sawamura is. He bumps his side with his shoulder, "Lost your voice with all that yelling?"

Sawamura looks over at him and shakes his head. Kazuya is momentarily mesmerized by this side of Sawamura. Quiet, almost shy. He's not pouting or angry, his features calm, slightly sharp on his handsome face. The remaining rays of the sun make his eyes look slightly gold and Kazuya wonders why he's suddenly noticing these things, "What's wrong then?"

The temperature had dropped enough that they were now comfortably wearing jerseys. Sawamura mumbles into the collar of his jersey and Kazuya is annoyed, but only slightly. It's that bad habit of Sawamura's and he wonders if he could tease those mumbled words out of him, is about to do that when Sawamura stops walking, closes his eyes, and yells out, "Do you like Miss Rei?!"

Kazuya is left speechless. At least that answers his other teasing question. Sawamura is as loud as always, "What?"

Sawamura opens his eyes, he's blushing and he can't seem to look him in the eye, "Well, there were those rumors...and then today...I mean, she's really pretty and just..." He goes quiet.

There's a lot here he wants to clear up, but he figures he should start with Sawamura's question, "No. At least, not really."

There's a question in those golden-brown eyes and Kazuya continues to explain, "I'm sure everyone on the baseball team liked her at one point. We were all teenagers and she's a really attractive woman, but that's it. Rei...she scouted me, believed that I could go far, pushed me, pretty much built my whole career. She's not really like my mom, not really an older sister...but yeah, like family."

They're both surprised by how honest he's been, which leads him to his own question, "Rumors? So you knew who I was. Is that why you called me by my full name?"

Sawamura looks embarrassed, "Yeah. I, I was curious about Seidou. I bet Kuramochi-senpai already told you about Rei and her coming to scout me?"

Kazuya nods.

They start walking again, "Well, I started seeing your name come up a lot. I always had trouble with my own catchers, I wasn't very good, sometimes my throws would go wild. I guess. I mean, they felt right, but Wakana, she was my main catcher, it was hard for her to catch them. Anyway, I started following your career. And just, well, then that happened and the rumors..."

They're quiet for a moment. Kazuya thinking back to how Yoichi had called Sawamura's pitch a nasty throw, the way Rei had pointed out Sawamura's staring while they talked and how Kazuya should catch for him, "When I saw him pitch, I knew you two would make a great battery. I knew you would be what could push him to greater heights, and that he would influence you too. All of Seidou. He has the heart of an Ace."

He's curious.

"Do you regret it?"

It's been a few minutes but Sawamura follows his question, turns to him, conviction in his burning eyes, "Never!"

----

SEVEN.

Kazuya finally gets to meet Wakana on his birthday. Yoichi tells him they're going out to celebrate at a fancy restaurant and he's not allowed to say no. Since he is the best man at their future wedding, he supposes it would be rude to not meet the bride-to-be so he pulls out one of his old suits, is relieved it still fits, and decides that's enough effort needed on his part. He also decides to forgo the tie and leaves the first two buttons undone. It's classy.

He's not surprised to see Sawamura also at the restaurant, and he's also not surprised to see him sporting a loud outfit. He's also wearing a suit but his shirt is a bright blue with baseball patterns, he's pulled up the suit jacket sleeves to his elbows (which, might he add, does not match his pants, but it somehow works), and he's actually wearing a tie. There's a girl trying to tame his hair but she soon gives up when Sawamura spots him and calls out, "Miyuki Kazu-mmyaa."

"Eijun!" the girl chides him, "We told you to be quiet!"

She's covering his mouth and let's go once he settles down. He rubs his hand through the back of his hair, ruining whatever work the girl must have done, "Sorry."

The girl shakes her head and turns to him, "So you're the famous Miyuki Kazuya, in the flesh."

Kazuya smiles, "And you must be the infamous money stealing Wakana."

They shake hands and Wakana laughs, "The one and only."

Yoichi comes up behind him, "Good, you're here. I thought I was going to have to send someone to drag you out of bed."

They're escorted to the back where they can dine in private. Yoichi walks in the back with him and Kazuya watches the way Sawamura's body faces Wakana even when they're walking. The way she pushes and holds his arm, laughs at what he says. The way that Sawamura lets her choose where she wants to sit and then makes space so that the table decorations aren't in her way. He sits across from her.

Yoichi whispers at him, "See what I mean?"

Kazuya doesn't need to see them interact to know why Wakana once liked Sawamura, but it definitely solidifies their closeness.

Wakana is very pretty. She has short hair that is slightly tinged with red, natural, she mentions when she sees him looking at her, "I get asked a lot." Apparently, it's a color she inherited from her great grandmother

She's as small as Yoichi claimed her to be, which makes her look tiny with her current company. She's wearing a simple and modest blue dress that matches perfectly with the ties Sawamura and Yoichi are wearing. She's just as honest as Sawamura is, and Kazuya wonders if all the people in his life are like that. It's refreshing. He instantly likes her and knows that Yoichi will be happy. It makes him happy too.

They're waiting on their food when Sawamura tells Yoichi that "Miyuki Kazuya" called Wakana a thief. Yoichi puts down his glass of wine, sending his best friend a glare, "I should have known you wouldn't behave!"

Sawamura is quick to respond, "It's all your fault Kuramochi-senpai! You keep telling that stupid story!!"

"The only thing stupid about that story is YOU Bakamura!!"

They look like children snapping at each other across the table and Wakana is just laughing. She turns to Kazuya, "Did he tell you what actually happened?"

Kazuya nods, "Sort of. Something about borrowing a wallet."

Wakana smiles, "Something like that, yes."

"See! I told you I never said she stole my money!!" Sawamura gets up suddenly but nobody notices the waiter coming with trays until the sound of plates falling to the ground and shattering are heard. But the worst part is probably the cake that Sawamura tries to save. Part of it lands on his hands, some of it on the table, but a big portion of it (thanks to Sawamura's interference), is now all over Wakana's dress. Everyone holds their breath, the waiter looks horrified.

Kazuya knows he shouldn't but he snickers and that seems to bring everything back to life. Wakana laughs and tells the waiter it's ok, she pats his hand reassuringly, "But can we get another cake? We'll pay for both of course."

The man is so relieved, he smiles and nods, and says he'll be right back to clean up, that he can also ask someone to help her out. Sawamura looks constipated and ridiculous standing there with chunks of cake in his hands.

"This is so coming out of your wallet Sawamoron!!" Yoichi cries out as he grabs chunks of cake from Wakana's lap and throws it on the table, "And YOU, I can't believe you did that!"

Kazuya only smirks, looks over at Wakana, and says, "Welcome to the family."

It seems like Wakana isn't just depleting Sawamura's accounts, but also stealing hearts.

----

OMAKE (months later)

It's the wedding night when Sawamura decides to crash at Kazuya's house. They're both exhausted and since they're both going to the same place the next morning, Kazuya doesn't make a fuss. When they make it home, they fight about who will take a shower first and Kazuya wins because, ultimately, this is his house so of course he has dibs. Sawamura pouts as he heads to the living room, ok, ok, just go you evil tanuki bastard.

When Kazuya comes out in a white t-shirt and boxers, he finds Sawamura already passed out on the couch, his arm and leg fallen off the side. He notices that he at least had the sense to take off his suit jacket and shirt. He's only wearing his undershirt and his pants have risen up his shins. Everything else is thrown against the back of the couch and his keys, cellphone, camera, and wallet, are all on the table. He's snoring lightly, his breath coming out more like little sighs, and there's a bit of drool where gravity has decided to do its job.

He's about to wake up Sawamura when he remembers something Wakana told him the first time they met. Right before they left the restaurant, she had pulled him aside, telling the other two NOT to come closer, Next time you get the chance, look inside his wallet. I promise it'll be worth it, and don't worry, he won't mind. He yells a lot but that's all there is.

The wallet is right there and Kazuya wishes it had landed the other way. At least like that, it wouldn't feel like he was snooping. No, he wouldn't. He doesn't really understand why Wakana wants him to look inside, but it's not really any of his business. He shakes his head and walks towards the couch. Before he can even reach forward, Sawamura shifts and mumbles a sleepy, "Kazuya."

Kazuya freezes at the stupid smile on Sawamura's face. He feels his face heat up and he's not sure why. He briefly glances at the wallet again, then moves to shake Sawamura's shoulders.

It takes a moment, a testament to how tired Sawamura is, before his brown eyes open and he sleepily mumbles, "Miyuki Kazuya?"

Kazuya hesitates for a moment. He doesn't have extra bedding and he knows sleeping on the couch is uncomfortable. They were going to share the bed, just like he always does whenever Yoichi visits, but suddenly he wonders if maybe this isn't a good idea. He tells Sawamura it's his turn to shower and nearly drags him to the bathroom. He stands outside just to make sure he doesn't pass out inside and somehow Sawamura looks even more drowsy than before. His skin is red from the heat of the water and they head to the bedroom.

Sawamura is out before his head hits the pillow. Kazuya arranges him on the bed properly and covers him with the blanket.

He finds it hard to sleep, the sound of his name coming from Sawamura's sleepy lips echoing in his head.

---

A/N:

I scoured Reddit for some inspiration and found this interesting prompt: "I never said she stole my money has 7 different meanings based on which word is emphasized." I sort of followed the prompt? LOL

things to note: 1. I just googled "prisoner clothes in japan" and green outfits came up, hence why Rei is dressed in a "green top" 2. I don't actually know how legal proceedings go in japan, if it would take longer or less (but this is fanfic so let's not question it) 3. Again, I don't know how long rehabs take but I'm not aiming for accuracy 4. If it wasn't obvious, Sawamura wasn't in the original Seidou team in this fic (lol) 5. Sports day apparently apparently happens around October (and again, Idk much about it)

I don't think I've ever written anything "complete" for this fandom but I hope you all enjoyed, especially you daiyanerd ^^

p.s. This got out of hand omg it's so long and hardly anything happens i hope you guys don't mind Orz Also, I kind of want to write more for this, maybe Sawamura's side of some of the events, maybe just a continuation, idk....

#misawa #daiya #daiya no ace #ace of diamond #future fic #modern day au #angst and healing #sawamura is best medicine #friendship #kazuya and kuramochi #humor #I write ff #gifts and exchanges #sofatropefestbingo2021 #seasons of anime trope fest bingo 2021 #seasons of anime gift exchange 2021 #fanfiction #First Meetings

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gerrystamour · 4 years

Text

the bittersweet between my teeth - Chapter 4

Written by: GerryStAmour | Gift for: @northisnotup

Some Important Notes:

The smut is available only on AO3! Link to the AO3 fic in my pinned post!

Nureyev is a gender euphoric trans man who has not had top-surgery and does not wear a binder. I use a mix of masculine and feminine terminology for his anatomy and genitalia, as I do for my own body as a transmasc individual. If this makes you uncomfortable, that is totally understandable, and I recommend skipping the smut.

This chapter is being posted early mostly because Chapters 3 and 4 were originally one whole chapter, which I split in half because of length. So consider this a bit of an Angel of Brahma style release. ;p

I am altering my update schedule for the last time! Please see my pinned post for the new schedule.

I'm working on a two-chapter Epilogue ficlet, which I hope to publish on Sunday, Nov 8, so keep an eye out for that.

Chapter Four [Previous Chapter] [First Chapter]

- - - - - Juno’s POV - - - - -

“My name is Peter Nureyev.”

Juno took in a shaky breath, trying to still his thoughts, which were suddenly racing with this new information.

“... What?” he asked quietly after a few moments, and immediately cringed at the stupid question. Juno knew Rex wasn’t his real name, he knew it all along so this wasn’t a revelation on its own.

Or at least it shouldn’t have been. At some point over their evening together, he had stopped thinking of ‘Rex Glass’ as a fake name, and this knocked Juno off balance.

But he could handle it, had demanded that information even. If Juno was a bit terrified to look at him though, he didn’t have to admit it.

“My name is Peter Nureyev,” the man underneath him repeated as he took a deep breath. “I’m a thief, and a very good one at that.”

Juno pulled back to look at Peter Nureyev, narrowing his eye at the stoic and hard expression the man wore. The corners of Nureyev’s mouth were tight and angled downward and Juno desperately wanted to kiss that stress away.

“I was hired,” Nureyev continued stiffly, the words sounding dragged out of him, “by a gentleman to regain some property that was taken.”

Ice filled Juno’s veins as he stared at Nureyev, something in his tone tickling the back of his mind. Why would a master thief be interested in him and look so tense as he confessed, he wondered. The answer came to him and felt like someone had punched him in the gut; he was Juno Steel, the one private eye in Hyperion City with a high-profile, nearly botched job on his record.

Humiliation burned in Juno’s gut and his face, and his mind began racing around how he was going to get out of Nureyev’s lap without looking like he was running away.

“Why does he need a thief.” He hadn’t even realized he was talking until the words were hanging in the air between them. It wasn’t a question as much as it was a statement, and the way Nureyev’s expression folded, his lips curving downward and his eyes softening at the corners, was all the confirmation Juno needed.

But he had to hear him say it. He had to hear the words come from Nureyev.

“No, finish that thought. I want to hear you say it.”

“Juno—”

“Just fucking say it, Diamond!”

Nureyev’s hands twitched where he still held Juno’s wrists, bringing Juno back from his swirling thoughts.

“Juno—” the thief began, and Juno could hear the excuses in his tone already.

“Why does he need a thief, Nureyev? Why didn’t he hire a detective?” Juno demanded, and he can feel himself shaking as well.

“Juno, I want you to know—”

“Just tell me, Nureyev!” Juno hissed through his teeth, and to his dismay tears had sprung to his eyes.

Nureyev licked his lips a bit nervously, and said, “His property was taken by the HCPD in a raid on an associate’s safehouse five years ago.”

Juno had begun laughing bitterly the moment Nureyev had mentioned the HCPD. A hollow, desperate ache settled in his chest, his eyes stinging from the pain. It was stupid to feel so hurt, but it was just the sort of prank whatever higher beings existed would play on him.

“Of fucking course,” Juno bit out, looking up at the ceiling. It was always too good to be true, he knew the other shoe would drop eventually, knew there was no reason someone as gorgeous and mysterious as Nureyev would even look twice at him if they didn’t have ulterior motives.

“That’s why you’re here. I knew it the moment I saw you at Hyperion Brewing, but I talked myself out of it. But that’s why you’re here,” Juno finally admitted to himself with a scoff, getting increasingly angry at himself for being so goddamn stupid. “You really know how to pick ‘em, Steel.”

“That isn’t why I’m here right now, nor why I’ve been seeing you,” Nureyev insisted, his voice pleading as Juno began to pull back. He let go of Juno’s wrists to gently hold his face. “Juno, please, believe that this is real—”

“Get your goddamn hands off me!” Juno snarled, jolting away from the touch as if he had been burned. Nureyev’s hands immediately fell away from Juno’s face, and he sat completely still while Juno climbed off his lap.

Juno could feel his hot blush as his dress fell open before he was able to catch it. He couldn’t even remember when the belt had been taken off, which just served to embarrass him even further.

“Juno, please listen—”

“If you say any of that ‘this is real’ bullshit, I will walk out right now, Nureyev,” Juno growled, and Nureyev’s mouth snapped shut.

They were quiet for a few moments while Juno located his belt and struggled to cinch it around his waist. His eyes were burning, his already limited vision blurry with his tears.

“No, you only started sniffing around me after that day at Hyperion Brewing. You’re just sticking around for information, or to spy on me, or whatever, so none of this is real!” Juno said bitterly, his hands shaking so badly he almost dropped his belt.

“I have never even come close to pressing for details about the job!” Nureyev defended himself, his tone annoyed. “All evening, I could have asked you about your eye, or your scars, under the guise of getting to know you, but I didn’t.”

Ice flooded his veins as Juno finally got the belt done up, the mention of his eye and his scars almost more painful than everything else. Of course Nureyev would have noticed, and he likely thought they were hideous just as everyone else did. But Juno was useful, Juno might have had information, so Nureyev was willing to tolerate him.

For a moment, all Juno could think about was Diamond pointing out his eyepatch constantly, the persistent suggestions to get a prosthetic eye and cosmetic surgery to clean up the scars. He was back in that apartment, after a year of surgeries and physical therapy, pleading with Diamond to understand just how much he didn’t want to go under again.

The humiliation of begging his fiance to still love him flared in him.

The moment Juno lost any semblance of usefulness, the disgust for his eye jumped to the forefront. It was the same sad story, one that Juno thought he was used to, but it hurt so much more with Nureyev.

“Oh, should I thank you then?” Juno asked, laughing bitterly. “Thanks for not asking about my worst job, my biggest goddamn failure, and amateur eye-surgery when you could have?”

“You know that’s not what I meant, Juno—” Nureyev said, sounding frustrated.

“Do I?” Juno countered, and that seemed to give Nureyev pause. When the thief opened his mouth to refute, Juno shook his head. “There’s something called ‘the long game’, Nureyev. You not asking me tonight means nothing.”

Nureyev wisely kept his mouth shut and Juno had to look away. He looked miserable sitting there on the bed, his expression deeply sad with his mouth, jaw, and throat smudged with Juno’s dark lipstick. There was a twist in his gut that felt like doubt, and for a moment Juno wanted to crawl back into his lap and kiss him, to take back his angry words and resume the perfect evening.

Shaking himself, Juno remembered the months of fear, of keeping his head down and his mouth shut, of trying to hold everything together. Then Nureyev had the nerve to seduce him when he worked for the person who was responsible for all of that.

“I actually thought the Piranha was done having her lackeys follow me,” Juno laughed. “This is really cruel though, even for her.

“Juno, I’m no one’s ‘lackey’,” Nureyev said pleadingly, shaking his head. “I was interested in you before I knew you were involved—”

“And after?” Juno interrupted, crossing his arms tightly.

Nureyev looked up at him, confused and thrown off guard by the question. “After what?” he asked eventually, quiet and unsure.

“After you found out, Nureyev. When you found out, you kept coming, you made me—” ‘fall for you’ Juno thought, and just barely managed to stop himself. Taking a deep breath, Juno started over, his voice low with his anger. “When you found out who I was, how close I was to this, why did you keep coming around?”

Nureyev took a deep breath, and said, “I was immediately taken with you from the moment I saw you—”

“Come off it, Nureyev,” Juno scoffed, rolling his eyes even as butterflies swarmed his guts. “You expect me to believe that?”

“I don’t ‘expect’ anything from you, Juno,” Nureyev said flatly, and that annoyance was back in his voice. “Except perhaps that you allow me to answer the questions you ask me.”

Juno huffed a loud breath and looked away. He wasn’t keen on admitting that Nureyev had a bit of a point.

“I saw you at the restaurant, and I was drawn to you, and I can’t explain why. You were handsome, and the way you looked at me… I was intrigued,” Nureyev explained haltingly and shrugged. “I found out your name from the owner. I didn’t know your connection to my job at the time.”

“Why would you be so interested in a complete stranger?” Juno asked incredulously.

“I don’t know, Juno!” Nureyev burst out, and he ran his hands back through his long hair. “I don’t normally let a pretty face capture my attention or distract me from a job! Remember, I’m a very good thief, which makes falling in love with part-time private eyes incredibly inconvenient.”

Juno’s insides froze as he said that, searching Nureyev’s face for a lie, especially surrounding the word ‘love’. Nureyev looked honest, his expression open and earnest for Juno to read, which was somehow the scariest thing in that moment.

But that wasn’t how the world worked, he thought bitterly. That man, the thief, came into his life— only occupying space in it for two weeks— and he was already making claims or allusions to feelings a partner of over a decade didn’t even have. It was impossible, and he would have to be pretty stupid to believe it.

“So ‘love at first sight’. That is what you’re trying to sell me?” Juno asked mockingly, emulating some of Benten’s sharp tone.

Nureyev’s jaw visibly twitched and a dark blush overcame his features. He was clearly getting frustrated with the conversation, and Juno prepared himself for anger, for the admission of his guilt.

“I’m not trying to sell you anything, least of all something so fanciful,” Nureyev finally replied, and his voice was softer than his intense gaze let on. “But I do care deeply for you now. Your ‘buying it’ has no bearing on the truth of it.”

Juno ground his teeth viciously, anger flashing through him that the thief would continue the act. That he wouldn’t just cut it out and admit it.

“So you were curious, we’ll go with that. Any smart criminal would find out that the tail they’re chasing is a part-time private eye and run the other way,” Juno said. “But you kept coming around, getting closer to me. Why?”

“I was selfish,” Nureyev admitted after a steadying breath through his nose. “I didn’t want to leave without seeing you.”

“So, you played with my feelings?”

“I did not play with your feelings, Juno,” Nureyev replied earnestly, almost desperately. “But when it became obvious you reciprocated, I couldn’t hurt you by just disappearing.”

Juno laughed loudly at that. “And this is better?” he asked coldly, and Nureyev’s expression crumpled under it.

Juno wanted to stop, to shut his mouth and leave. He wanted so badly to just go home, crawl into his bed and hide.

“That job, Piranha and whoever she works for, ruined my life, Nureyev. The people you’re working for destroyed everything, and you come along and just—” Juno interrupts himself with a watery, harsh laugh, shaking his head. “You should’ve just left, Nureyev. I have plenty of experience with that. I would’ve survived.”

Juno immediately regretted the words the moment he said them, especially with the way Nureyev’s expression went slack and his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

“Your piss-poor attitude was only cute when you looked like—”

Juno opened his mouth to take it back but Nureyev just cleared his throat and stood, towering over him once again.

“Of course,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “As I said, it was selfish.”

Juno pinched the bridge of his nose as Nureyev left the bedroom to sit at the desk in the living room.

“Nureyev, listen, I didn’t mean—” Juno began as he followed Nureyev, watching as the man opened his laptop.

“No, you were right, Juno. I should have left you alone from the beginning,” Nureyev insisted. “This was foolish on my part.”

Juno felt his anger and hurt wane as he watched Nureyev. There was nothing too obvious to let on to his emotions, but there was the slightest slump to his usually perfect posture, which only served to break Juno’s heart further.

When Juno properly paid attention to what Nureyev was doing, he realized he was looking at surveillance feeds. “What are you doing?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

“Deleting any surveillance video with my face, and also your arrival at the hotel,” he answered quietly, not even looking away from the monitor.

“You’ve been doing this every night?” That bloom of doubt was back, and Juno hated it.

“Yes, which has been getting exhausting. I’ve put off finishing this for too long,” Nureyev sighed. “I’ve been reckless, and it’s only a matter of time before I make a mistake if I haven’t already.”

Juno immediately recognised that fact, and the rest of his anger left him so suddenly he felt dizzy. “Why would you risk so much?”

Nureyev did not even pause in his work on the laptop as he smiled sadly and replied, “I’m sure you can divine my reasons from my previous statements, dear detective. You’re very clever.”

Juno felt his face heat up at the praise and felt annoyed at himself all over again. He was making himself the easiest mark ever for people like Nureyev.

Then the thief’s fingers faltered in their typing and he tipped his head thoughtfully. “What did you mean by ‘amateur eye surgery’?” Nureyev asked. “Or ‘the Piranha’ for that matter?”

Juno raised an eyebrow when Nureyev turned to look at him. “You haven’t met your employer’s pet thug?” he asked sceptically. “She’s a real piece of work, you know? Sadistic, and I mean, I go for a little pain—”

“Juno,” Nureyev interrupted softly, and snapped him out of his sarcastic tirade.

“Fine. She’s really ugly, missing an ear, tons of scars? Her teeth are all sharp—” Juno began, but he stopped abruptly as his heart rate picked up just thinking about her.

“She has an underbite?” Nureyev supplied and Juno nodded gratefully.

“That’s the one. I call her the Piranha. Didn’t really catch a name between her stun blast and…” Juno said, trailing off to gesture at his eye. At Nureyev’s blank look, he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. “C’mon Nureyev, you knew I lost my eye during that job. You said it yourself.”

Nureyev turned back to the laptop and clicked the keyboard a few more times before slowly shutting it. “I was under the impression— no, told your eye had been an injury sustained in an altercation,” Nureyev replied when he turned to meet Juno’s gaze again. “An accident.”

Juno frowned with a sceptical snort. “I mean, if torture falls under the ‘altercation’ umbrella, then yeah. But it wasn’t an accident.”

It was obvious that several pieces of information were clicking into place for Nureyev if his narrowed eyes were anything to go by. “Either my employer is unaware of this ‘Piranha’s’ true actions that day, or he lied to me,” Nureyev finally said after a moment, sucking his teeth a bit before saying, “I’m not sure which is worse.”

“Normally, I would say he lied to you. But she worked overtime to keep my mouth shut, so,” Juno said, trailing off with a shrug. The distinct feeling of panic overcame him, and he tried to calm himself down.

“What do you mean, Juno?” Nureyev asked, and his voice was so gentle, it made Juno want so much. He wanted to be held again, he wanted to crawl into bed and have strong arms wrapped around him tightly, he wanted Nureyev to kiss him again, if only to remind him that he was sitting in a hotel room and not in that dark, terrible cellar.

“She said whoever she worked for wouldn’t be happy if I died,” he replied, his words stilted as he said them. “Didn’t stop her from carving up my eye and stalking my loved ones, but hey. I survived.”

Juno sat heavily in the armchair near the desk, pinching the bridge of his nose. When he looked up again, he saw that Nureyev had turned to fully face him, waiting patiently for him to continue.

“When I was in the hospital, one of her goons came by and dropped an entire folder of pictures of Benten and Rita in my lap. Nothing else, just that. The asshole didn’t even say anything,” he said, his voice breaking a bit and his face felt hot as tears stung his eyes again. “She had me followed for months, and every couple of weeks a new goon would hand me a new folder full of new pictures.”

“Juno—” Nureyev began, lifting his hand as if to reach for Juno’s, but appeared to think better of it. Juno wished Nureyev had followed through, which he knew was ridiculous after the scene he had been making, so he shook it off with a deep breath.

“The worst was—” Juno choked on the words for a moment, the fear gripping him. “The worst was a picture of Benten. It was taken from inside his apartment. It was some guy Benten had brought home, someone he met at a bar. But the message was loud and clear.”

“Juno…” Nureyev murmured sadly, but said nothing else.

“So, I kept my mouth shut, accepted the pictures, confirmed that I understood, and kept my head down for months,” he finished explaining, shrugging a bit.

Nureyev was silent, watching his face with an unreadable expression.

“Fuck, all of that, and for nothing. Just to get dragged back into it all,” Juno muttered as an aside to himself. With a disgusted noise, Juno met Nureyev’s eyes. “Who’s your employer anyway? I know it’s one of Pereyra’s opponents, but I never found out who.”

“Ramses O’Flaherty,” Nureyev responded without hesitation and was startled at Juno’s bark of laughter.

“O’Flaherty? Bullshit,” Juno said with an eye-roll.

“I assure you, dear detective. It is Ramses O’Flaherty who is signing my paycheque,” Nureyev replied, a bit confused.

“But that makes no sense,” Juno argued, his incredulity almost palpable. “His political ads, his speeches, hell, his entire platform is built on being anti-crime and anti-cop! The Piranha and the crap I found at her safehouse are the complete opposite.”

Nureyev’s curiosity was piqued at that. “You saw what was in the cases?”

“Yeah?” Juno replied, a bit confused. “O’Flaherty didn’t tell you what was in them?”

“He was insistent that I refrain from looking,” Nureyev replied thoughtfully. “He was also going on about the Greater Good, though I had stopped listening at that point.”

“Yeah, that does sound like O’Flaherty,” Juno sighed. “The one case had a little chip in it. Something called the THEIA something or whatever. The other stuff was some tech, looked like drones with a ton of firepower. The inscription said they were—”

Juno cut himself off to think back, trying to remember the inscriptions and what they said. He jolted when he remembered that the items were from New Kinshasa, and they all were marked with G.A.S. preceding a series of numbers.

“Juno?” Nureyev prompted him gently, his voice filled with concern.

“The tech was from New Kinshasa,” Juno started cautiously, sucking in a deep breath when Nureyev tensed. “Some… hyper-mobile update to their Guardian Angel System.”

All of the colour left Nureyev’s face as he asked quietly, “... What?” Juno could see in Nureyev’s eyes that he was living a waking nightmare, and he wanted to stop the entire conversation and hold him.

“Back then, I sent Rita a picture of the stuff and had her look it up. Turns out, about twenty years ago, New Kinshasa started pouring a ton of money into R&D,” Juno explained instead. “I guess some radicals almost destroyed the whole city, so they wanted something that wouldn’t be so easy to take down.”

“And how did O’Flaherty come into possession of this?” Nureyev asked, his voice shaking with barely concealed anger. Juno could understand that feeling.

“Well, with the end of the war and Brahma joining the Solar government, they needed money,” Juno replied with an angry laugh. “They started selling units to interested parties to test the whole thing. Nothing says ‘peace’ like a government institution selling weapons to private investors.”

Nureyev smirked at the sarcasm, but his voice was tight as he asked, “And what did you learn about these radicals?”

“Not much,” he replied with a shrug, and is startled a bit by the sharp look Nureyev gives him. “I mean, Rita probably knew more at the time, but then she went off about some betrayal plot on one of her streams.”

“But after the case—”

“Nureyev, everyone I loved was being threatened after the case,” Juno reminded him. “I told Rita to get rid of all that info she dug up after the first goon threatened me in the hospital.”

Nureyev nodded woodenly, his eyes distant as he apparently stared at Juno’s knees.

“You okay, Nureyev?” Juno asked, and it came out far more tenderly than he wanted it to be, but he couldn’t help it.

Nureyev snapped out of his thoughts and met Juno’s gaze again with a distracted, “Hm?”

“You went somewhere far away,” Juno said, and he wanted to hold Nureyev’s hand, to bring him back and soothe that troubled expression from his face.

Nureyev watched Juno as well, obviously debating something behind his bright eyes. Something shifted in Nureyev’s expression, something sharp and dangerous, and Juno felt his breath catch in his throat.

“I’m planning to steal the weapons and have them destroyed,” Nureyev said firmly. “They shouldn’t be in anyone’s hands.”

“Glad to hear it,” Juno said, aiming for sarcastic, but it came out sincerely pleased. “I mean, I figured, because I know, roughly, what happens on Brahma, but—”

“I was one of the so-called ‘radicals’. Twenty years ago, with my mentor,” Nureyev confessed, the words rushed and hitting Juno hard in the chest. “We were hardly radicals, honestly. We were thieves, stealing the core to the Guardian Angel System.”

“But… Rita told me the same core that powered the weapon—”

“Also powered the levitation system for the city, yes. My mentor misled me about the job, and when I found out the city would be destroyed, I tried to reason with him. Or stop him. I was…” Nureyev trailed off, looking haunted before he snapped himself out of it. “It doesn’t matter. When he refused to stop, I— I killed him.”

“Nureyev…” Juno started, but he had nothing he could say to that.

Looking at the thief now, Juno realized how young Nureyev would have been when that all happened. It made Juno’s heart ache for Nureyev, and then he remembered what Nureyev had said over dinner. His mentor had saved him from the streets, and later he felt he had to kill the man to save a whole city.

“I don’t regret it. I couldn’t see the justification in destroying an entire city, and I still can’t,” Nureyev said after a few moments, his tone clipped and rehearsed. It sounded defensive, like something the thief repeated to himself daily. It was the first thing Nureyev had said that felt like a lie the whole evening, but Juno knew it wasn’t a lie for him. “He was wrong, and I couldn’t let him leave with the core.”

Juno wanted to leave it there, but he never could stop asking questions. “Then why does it look like you regret it?”

Nureyev’s features closed up, like shutters being pulled. “Is that relevant right now?” he asked curtly.

Juno watched him, a sadness for Nureyev so deep in his heart he felt close to crying, and his anger from earlier was all but forgotten. Eventually, he shook his head with a heavy sigh.

“No, I guess it’s not, you’re right,” he said before he added a bit awkwardly, “Thanks for… telling me, I guess. You didn’t have to.”

Nureyev shook himself a bit, straightening his posture, and raised an eyebrow. “My name is attached to that job, so the moment you would’ve had Rita look me up, you would have known. She likely already knows my name without realizing it.”

Juno was quiet for several long moments, rolling Nureyev’s words around in his head. That was all true, and he was sure Rita would have pulled up any information on him that she wanted. Hell, there was probably information out there Nureyev thought was completely hidden, but Rita could find.

“I wanted to hear what stories you have in your own words…”

He bit the inside of his cheek thoughtfully as he remembered Nureyev’s words from dinner.

“I wasn’t going to ‘look you up’,” he finally said.

Nureyev looked visibly shocked, and then sceptical. “And why not?”

Juno shrugged with a sad chuckle. “Why didn’t you look me up?” he countered.

It was almost funny enough for Juno to laugh when realization dawned on Nureyev, his eyes widening with a soft “oh” as he looked down at his hands in his lap.

The conversation had gotten too emotional, too vulnerable for Juno to handle at the moment, so he changed the subject. “So what’s the plan? What are we doing?”

Nureyev met his gaze again, deeply concerned. “We?” he asked.

“Yeah, ‘we’. You and I both want those weapons destroyed,” Juno replied firmly. “I want to stop Pilot and Ramses, and you brought me back into this mess whether you meant to or not. I’m coming with you, and you’re not going to stop me.”

Nureyev made a small noise and shook his head. “But Juno, your eye—”

“—Isn’t coming back any time soon! And hey, I figure I owe it some payback anyway,” Juno interrupted with a shrug, his tone flippant and deliberately infuriating.

Nureyev was flustered, visibly stressed at the thought of Juno joining him. Juno would have found it cute, even flattering, if he wasn’t still coming down from his hurt and anger.

“Juno, I can’t— it’s dangerous—” Nureyev started again and Juno laughed a bit.

“I’m a private eye, Nureyev. ‘Danger’ is in the job description,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “Give me a real reason.”

Nureyev paused for a long time before leaning forward to gently, tentatively touch the back of Juno’s hand. Without hesitation, Juno turns his hand and allows Nureyev to hold it.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt by them again,” Nureyev confessed very quietly, barely loud enough for Juno to hear.

Juno felt his heart flip several times, his breath leaving him in a short whoosh, and he had to fight to be annoyed at the coddling. “I can handle myself, Nureyev,” he snapped with a pout, though it held no heat.

“Oh, I know, my dear detective. I would never doubt your resilience,” Nureyev said with a small laugh, reaching up with his other hand to cup Juno’s cheek. His expression turned so soft and earnest, Juno felt overwhelmed with his want for that gentle concern. “I only wish you knew you didn’t always have to. You could just let me do this and be done with it entirely.”

For a moment, Juno very nearly gave in to that soft request, to let Nureyev take care of him, of their combined mess, but that was just not possible for him.

“You don’t seem to get it,” Juno said with a shake of his head. “This is my problem, my screw-up, my responsibility. Plus, you got me involved again.”

Nureyev stroked the back of Juno’s hand and cheek with his thumbs thoughtfully, and the sensation of the smooth leather of his gloves sent shivers up Juno’s spine. “Fair enough,” he said eventually, nodding. “Just know that I’m not used to working with someone else.”

The two of them spent the better part of an hour going over Nureyev’s existing plans for the heist, working Juno into them and reworking the parts that wouldn’t work with two people. The plan had been brilliant to start with, and Juno almost felt bad about coming in with a sledgehammer. However, when all was said and done, Juno was legitimately confident in the new plan.

That— being confident in the plan— was enough to plant a seedling of doubt in his gut. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard Benten calling him ‘Lady Raincloud’ and dismissed his nerves. He and Nureyev were both professionals in their own ways, and they could handle an in-and-out job.

Juno was standing at the desk next to where Nureyev sat, bent at the waist and propped on one hand, idly chewing on his thumbnail while he stared at the laptop screen. “I can have Rita look into finding a different way in, but the sewer is really our best bet. And maybe a better way to deal with the security cameras,” he murmured, mostly to himself but Nureyev hummed his agreement. “I’m not liking how tight that window is.”

If Nureyev was uncomfortable involving Rita, he didn’t say anything.

“So,” Juno said slowly, looking at Nureyev. “Two nights from now?”

“That should give us enough time to collect what intel we need,” Nureyev confirmed, before looking up at him and slyly adding with a smirk, “It also gives me at least twenty-four more hours to convince you to stay out of it.”

Juno smirked right back. “Don’t count on it.”

A moment of absolute silence stretched between them as they looked at each other, and slowly Nureyev’s smirk softened to something fond. Juno jumped a bit as gloved fingers slid gently against the outside of his bare thigh before he shivered. With a shaky sigh, Juno leaned into the contact.

“Juno, I—” Nureyev started hesitantly before taking a deep breath. “I want you to know that I care very deeply for you, and that I never thought of you as a mark, that— I meant everything I’ve said and more.”

“I know,” Juno said in a quiet voice, and he was surprised by himself. The sincerity in Nureyev’s eyes was overwhelming, and enough to break through his usual cloud of doubt for the moment.

“The true depths of my— my feelings are unknown even to me,” Nureyev continued earnestly, apparently on a roll. “They terrify me, Juno. Whenever I try to understand them, and the thought of leaving after all this…”

Juno stood back up to his full height and turned toward Nureyev, holding his face in his hands. When Nureyev allowed his eyes to flutter shut, Juno released a shuddering breath. “You don’t have to go,” Juno whispered, surprising himself yet again with his soft begging.

What right did he have asking that of Nureyev?

Nureyev’s face twisted sadly, and his lashes looked a bit wet. “Juno, please—”

“You can stay,” Juno pushed, talking over Nureyev desperately. “Rita can clear any record you have, set you up with everything you need, I have connections—”

“Juno, stop, please,” Nureyev pleaded, his voice so soft Juno’s heart ached. When Nureyev opened his eyes again to look up at him, his eyes glassy. “You know I can’t stay, even if I wanted to give everything up. I do not want to retire, and I cannot stay on Mars, my love.”

Juno closed his eyes and nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I know,” he replied.

Nureyev took a deep breath and Juno could feel him shaking nervously. “Would you come with me?” he asked, in a voice so fragile Juno held completely still lest he break something. The question hit him like a solid punch to his gut, and for a few wild seconds the ‘yes’ was on the tip of his tongue.

But then he thought of Benten, and Rita, and where would they fit in his brave new future with Nureyev? A man he knew for all of two weeks? It was absurd.

“I’m sorry,” Juno whispers, his voice barely audible, even to himself. “Nureyev, I—”

“Hush, dear detective,” Nureyev said soothingly, lifting a hand to gently hold one of Juno’s wrists, the other still stroking his thigh. The contact is chaste, but it was intimate beyond anything Juno had ever experienced, even with Diamond. Now that he was looking down at Nureyev, seeing him with his hair loose, heart open, and Juno’s lipstick still smeared in places, Juno felt heat returning to his gut.

“I… I would like to spend whatever time we have left together, however you wish,” Nureyev said, his eyes soft and wet with emotion. “I will understand, however, if you wouldn’t want that.”

Juno sucked in a slow breath, shaky as it was with his conflicting thoughts. He was still upset, still angry, and normally he would have made someone who made him that angry work to get his favour back. But Nureyev didn’t have that sort of time— they didn’t have that sort of time. Here in this hotel room was possibly the last time they would be together like this, and there was the entire possibility that one or both of them would be killed in two days.

So Juno stepped closer to Nureyev, bracketing one of his knees with his legs so he could stand flush to Nureyev’s body. Nureyev tipped his head back obligingly, with his eyes half-lidded and lips parted. Without hesitation, Juno dipped his head and kissed Nureyev, soft and sweet, swallowing the quiet sound of surprise the thief made.

Nureyev immediately wrapped an arm around his waist, his strength surprising given how thin his arm felt, and his hand twisted in the fabric of Juno’s dress. The hand on his thigh squeezed with sudden bruising strength as Nureyev deepened the kiss, Juno meeting him halfway with his tongue.

Juno had tangled his hands in Nureyev’s hair once again, twisting in the length of it and holding him in place, whining petulantly when Nureyev began to pull back.

“Juno, wait—” Nureyev began, their mouths still together and panting. Even as he was trying to talk, Nureyev was pressing small kisses on and around Juno’s lips.

“Nureyev, c’mon,” he managed to mumble through their needy kisses.

Nureyev slid his hand further up Juno’s thigh, slipping under the straps of the flower harness he wore and nearly grabbing his ass. The straps pulled tight against the soft flesh of Juno’s thigh, pulling a desperate gasp from him. At that, Nureyev pulled away from the kiss completely, meeting Juno’s eye. He was panting already, and Juno quite liked the image he made, dishevelled as he was with hair a mess and dark red lipstick smeared over his lips.

“Juno, I don’t want to do anything that will hurt you,” Nureyev said, and Juno could tell he meant it. That doesn’t mean he didn’t try to laugh it off.

“I like a little pain, don’t worry about that, Nureyev,” he said with a smirk. “My safe word is—”

“Juno, I’m being serious!” Nureyev snapped lightly, though interestingly enough there was some legitimate interest in his expression.

Juno sighed and stooped to kiss Nureyev again, sweet and chaste, and he hoped it was full of everything he was feeling. Words were hard at the best of times, but especially when things were intense. Juno had always been better with his actions, or at least he liked to think he was. And right then he just wanted so much, so deeply, he could hardly breathe with it.

“Nureyev, I want this, I wouldn’t start it if I didn’t. And yeah, I’m still pissed at you, and yeah it’s going to hurt like hell when you leave,” Juno finally said, leaning his forehead against Nureyev’s. “But that’s at least two days away, and I just want to… have this while I can. If you don’t want to after all, I get it. I’ll go home and see you tomorrow at the cafe.”

“Are you sure?” Nureyev asked.

“Nureyev, I’m sure,” Jun replied impatiently.

Nureyev’s lips spread into a shit-eating grin. “Absolutely positive?”

“Knock it off, Nureyev,” Juno growled, moaning softly into a kiss that suddenly captured his lips.

Nureyev smiled warmly up at him when he pulled back. “Just need to hear you say it,” he sighed, and Juno rolled his eyes.

“Glad we cleared that up, then, now can we—”

Juno let out a squeak of surprise when Nureyev stood up, the arm around his back and gloved hand on his thigh steadying him. His mouth was seized in a hungry kiss, the pressure rough and full of teeth, as he was half-walked, half-carried the handful of steps back into the bedroom.

Nureyev let him go once they reached the edge of the bed to work on Juno’s belt. He hadn’t done it up quite right when he put it back on earlier, so Nureyev did have to pull away from the kiss with a laugh to undo it properly. Juno grinned up at him like a dope at the laugh, and accepted the kiss that was dropped to his mouth once the belt fell away and the drape of the gown fell open again.

Juno tried to think about it as a fling, that he wasn’t impossibly far gone on Nureyev already, that his laugh didn’t fill him with so much light he feared he might burst from it.

Nureyev reached up to gently touch Juno’s eyepatch in silent question, and panic flooded his veins with ice. He wasn’t ready for Nureyev to see his eye just yet, not ready for him to look at him with disgust or pity or that terrible combination of both.

When Juno jerkily shook his head, Nureyev smiled gently and backed off without question.

“Now how does the rest of this come off, love?” he asked, tugging at Juno’s dress a bit.

Juno’s relief was so overwhelming, he almost had to sit down. Instead, he huffed out a soft laugh and dragged Nureyev back down into a needy kiss, happily swallowing his soft sound of surprise.

- - - - -

Juno dozed a bit after his athletic evening with Nureyev. He had closed his eyes while Nureyev got up to get a washcloth, and truthfully hadn’t tried too hard to stay awake.

However, he must have slept deeper and longer than he had meant to. When Juno opened his eyes again, he found that he was cleaned up and tucked in under the duvet. Juno sighed contentedly as he registered the warm, naked body he was cuddled up against, a strong lean arm wrapped loosely around his shoulder. Nureyev’s long, slender fingers traced little symbols into the skin on the cap of Juno’s shoulder, the sensation ticklish but pleasant. Juno shifted so his legs were tangled with Nureyev’s, sighing when the arm around him held him tighter.

With a hum, Juno wrapped an arm around Nureyev’s waist and pressed a lazy kiss to his chest where his head rested. He didn’t move away immediately, instead inhaling a deep breath through his nose. Juno’s head swam with the scent of Nureyev’s cologne, the smell of it somehow stronger with the musk of sweat and sex in the air.

Juno couldn’t help the little groan he made as he adjusted himself on top of Nureyev. When Juno nuzzled his nose against the skin of his throat, Nureyev made a small, happy sound and Juno grinned tiredly.

He never wanted to leave that bed, a realization that sunk heavily in his gut.

“That was amazing,” Nureyev said around a huge yawn, sounding perfectly blissed-out and sated.

Juno snorted, even as tears gathered in his eyes again. ‘Amazing’ was an understatement, which was a problem for Juno. Part of him had hoped sex with Nureyev would have been boring, or even bad, so it would have been easier for when Nureyev had to leave him. But of course, it hadn’t been; it was amazing, like nothing else Juno had ever had with another person.

Things could never be easy for Juno Steel.

“Yeah,” Juno sighed, closing his eyes. “It was.”

They laid together in comfortable silence, and Juno began dozing again as Nureyev scratched his back lightly. His eyepatch was getting uncomfortable, and he began debating taking it off. Maybe it would be okay. Nureyev was different, Juno was sure of it. Panic kicked up his heart rate, and the thought of testing that after something so perfect was nauseating.

“Juno? Are you awake?” Nureyev asked hesitantly, snapping Juno out of his spiralling thoughts. With a relieved sigh, Juno tilted his head up to look at Nureyev’s face.

“What’s up?” Juno asked, his voice laced with exhaustion. Before he could think about it or stop himself, he kissed Nureyev’s shoulder gently before propping himself on an elbow to better meet his gaze.

Nureyev was smiling at him, his eyes half-lidded and bright even in the low lighting. He looked so warm and perfect with his long hair loose around his face and shoulders. Lipstick still stained his mouth, jaw, and throat, tempting Juno to retrace his steps.

When Nureyev lifted his hand to cup his cheek, Juno turned his head to kiss his palm, closing his eyes and breathing that intoxicating scent in again.

“Oh, love,” Nureyev whispered, sliding his hand back to pull Juno into a slow, languid kiss. Juno sighed into it and pouted a bit when the thief ended it. “You’re making this very difficult.”

“You chose me, so that’s what you get,” Juno said cheekily, but was very aware that Nureyev had something serious on his mind.

“You asked me earlier why I—” Nureyev began hesitantly, his voice strained until he cleared his throat. “You asked earlier why I appeared to regret killing my… mentor, Mag.”

“Yeah, but you don’t actually have to answer that,” Juno replied. Curiosity burned in his gut, but the warm flush had left Nureyev’s face, and Juno could feel how tense he was. “I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“I want to answer it. Or I at least want you to know,” Nureyev insisted, pushing himself up to recline against the pillows more upright. “After all of that, you should know.”

“I mean, if it’s that important to you, go ahead,” Juno replied, shifting to straddle Nureyev’s lap and meet his gaze easily. Nureyev smiled gently at him before leaning in for a lingering kiss. When he pulled back, he took a deep, fortifying breath.

“He was going to kill a city of innocent people, so I knew I had to stop him. But when my knife sank into his back…” Nureyev trailed off, closing his eyes as he worked through something in his head, Without thinking, Juno reached up to tuck some of Nureyev’s hair behind his ear.

“I wasn’t sure if I did it to stop him, and that there truly was no other way to do so,” Nureyev continued after a few quiet moments, “Or if I only did it because he lied.”

Juno took a deep breath and nodded, unsure of what to do with a confession like that. “About the Guardian Angel System?” he asked to clarify his meaning.

Nureyev shook his head with a soft, bitter laugh. “It would have been easier if that was his biggest lie,” Nureyev replied. “But he lied about my father.”

Juno waited for Nureyev, watching his face as he thought about his next words. It hit him suddenly that Nureyev likely hadn’t said any of this out loud to anyone before, that Juno was the first to hear this particular dark corner of Nureyev’s history.

Something small, yet terrifying fluttered to life in the back of Juno’s mind, which he quickly squashed.

“He saved me from the streets, raised me, taught me everything I know now, all while he fed me this elaborate tale about a father who was a martyr for the cause,” Nureyev continued, and he couldn’t meet Juno’s gaze anymore. “I built my entire identity around my name, that idea, that story. I wanted so badly to live up to my father’s legacy, to make everyone proud of me the way he did.”

“But it was a lie,” Juno finished for him, his breath leaving him in a whoosh at the thought of being lied to like that. Sure, Diamond’s deception had hurt, but that was so small and petty compared to what Nureyev was telling him.

“I was so confused and lost after I killed him, and I just stopped thinking about it. Filed it away and moved on,” Nureyev said with a sigh, rolling his eyes at himself. “I was just afraid of what it would make me if I only killed him for lying.”

Juno frowned as Nureyev finished, opening his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. He wasn’t sure how much Nureyev would appreciate his lame insights, so instead he stretched upward to place a soft kiss to the corner of Nureyev’s mouth. Nureyev immediately tilted his head to accept the kiss with his lips, even as his brow furrowed in confusion and shock.

Juno pulled away and settled back against Nureyev, dropping his head onto his chest to doze off again.

“That makes sense,” he said softly, listening to the frantic heartbeat under his ear.

Nureyev was quiet for a while before he asked, “That’s all? Just ‘that makes sense’?”

Juno shrugged, suddenly concerned he had read the entire conversation wrong. “I mean, thanks… for telling me? You didn’t have to?” Juno said awkwardly, cringing at himself.

“Juno, please look at me,” Nureyev requested, and that was the last thing on the planet Juno wanted to do.

Nonetheless, Juno sat up again and met his gaze, biting the inside of his cheek. Nureyev’s eyes were wet with unshed tears, and confusion was written across his face.

“I just told you I murdered someone I considered a parent, and you… don’t care?” he asked, his voice weak with his uncertainty.

“I care, Nureyev, but I just…” As always, Juno struggled for the right words at the worst time, letting out a frustrated huff. “I care about you. And, I don’t know, the problem or moral dilemma you’re having with it makes sense. I guess I would be worried if you weren’t torn up about it. But you did it twenty years ago and saved an entire city. If you want me to hold it against you now, you’re out of luck.”

Nureyev looked baffled before he reached up to pull Juno down into a deep, but chaste kiss. When Juno moaned softly and opened up for him, the thief sighed.

When Juno pulled back, Nureyev was smiling so softly up at him, it broke his heart.

“Stay the night?” Nureyev asked quietly.

Juno wanted nothing more than to say yes, to say that he would stay forever if Nureyev would simply ask. He thought about everything Nureyev had told him, how open he had been, and suddenly Juno wanted to tell Nureyev about Diamond. He wanted to lay in that bed and whisper confessions, and kiss, and make love into the early hours of the morning.

He wanted it all with Peter Nureyev.

As if on cue, Juno’s comms began to beep and he scrambled to the end of the bed. He found it on the ground and quickly put it in his ear.

“Juno Steel,” he answered curtly, glancing back at Nureyev.

“Juno, where the hell are you?” Benten scolded shrilly, and Juno flinched. “It’s after midnight, and you said you would call!”

Juno cringed and stuck his tongue out at Nureyev’s smug smirk. “Yeah, sorry Ben, we just got busy talking,” he said, and it wasn’t a complete lie. “I’m just waiting for the cab and I’ll be home soon. Go to bed.”

Benten was quiet for several long moments before he said, “Talking, huh?”

“Yes, Benzaiten, talking,” Juno said through gritted teeth, his face hot with embarrassment. “Go to bed.”

Benten sighed dramatically. “Fine. You owe me a full play-by-play in the morning, though,” he said.

“Yeah, whatever,” Juno said with a snort. “See you in the morning.”

The commes beeped as Benten hung up and Juno looked back at Nureyev properly. He was struck all over again by the image Nureyev made surrounded by pillows, long hair messy and knotted, lipstick stains all over and completely naked. Had he been younger, Juno knew he would be hard again and ready for round two.

Nureyev smiled at him and leaned over to the bedside table for his own comms. “You try to get cleaned up a bit, and I’ll call you a cab,” Nureyev offered and was already dialling a number in.

Juno crawled back up the bed to kiss Nureyev deeply before slipping away into the bathroom.

He stared at his face in the mirror, at the way his lipstick was smeared from their kisses, and his mascara and eyeliner had run with his tears. Closing the bathroom door and locking it, Juno took the eyepatch off and grabbed the make-up wipes provided by the hotel.

They were decent quality, and did a decent enough job in cleaning up his racoon eyes, but proved useless when he tried to deal with the mess of lipstick that was smeared up his cheek. It appeared that Benten exclusively purchased make-up for demons, he thought bitterly before wetting a washcloth and giving himself another quick wash.

Stepping back into the bedroom, Juno found it to be empty. He could hear Nureyev on his laptop out in the living room, humming quietly, so Juno picked his dress and shoes up off the floor and went to join him.

Nureyev was sitting cross-legged on the couch with his laptop. The image of him sitting there was striking, with Nureyev completely naked except for his glasses, with lipstick stains all over his pale skin and his hair still a tangled mess around his face. Something about seeing Nureyev like that— sleepy and dishevelled, head tilted upward while he squinted through his glasses thoughtfully— had Juno wishing for more time or a different life, whatever it took to keep it.

It was so soft and intimate, Juno’s heart ached and he wanted nothing more than to drag Nureyev back to bed and kiss him senseless.

Instead, Juno pulled his dress back on, doing the belt up as he stopped to stand behind the couch. Bending at the waist, Juno wrapped his arms around Nureyev’s shoulders and pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the side of Nureyev’s throat before looking at the computer screen.

It was a window full of different surveillance feeds for the hotel, and Juno raised an eyebrow. “What’re you up to now?”

Nureyev turned his head to capture Juno’s lips in a searching kiss, groaning when Juno opened for him. When he finally pulled away, he said, “I’m going to walk you out.”

“You might need to put on more clothes, Nureyev,” Juno said with a suggestive lilt, running a hand down Nureyev’s naked torso teasingly. He delighted in Nureyev’s shiver, pressing another kiss to his throat, aiming higher so his lips teased just below Nureyev’s jaw.

“No, my dear detective, I’ll be walking you out my way,” Nureyev replied, shuddering again.

“And that means…?” Juno prompted, keeping his mouth pressed to the thief’s heated skin.

“You will be on your comms, and I will coordinate looping camera footage while I direct you through your escape,” Nureyev elaborated, and the excited tone to his voice brought a smile to Juno’s face. “The cab I’ve called will meet you where the stairway lets out on the street.”

Juno stood up to finish adjusting his dress, shifting the draping fabric to cover his front more securely. He made a mental note to give Nureyev a proper lecture about using knives on his underthings later.

“Sounds kinda fun. I’m game,” Juno eventually said, sitting down to put his boots back on.

Nureyev smiled and winked playfully at him. “That’s only partially why I want to do this.”

“Your other reasons?” Juno asked.

“I want to see how well we can work together, first of all,” Nureyev replied and then gave Juno a suggestive smile, showing off his teeth. “I also enjoy bossing you around a bit.”

Juno scoffed, even as heat flooded through him. Standing up, he crossed the distance to Nureyev and bent to give Nureyev a soft kiss. The thief sighed and lifted his hands to hold the back of Juno’s head gently, opening up for Juno’s tongue.

“Don’t get used to it,” Juno teased as he pulled away and stood back up. Putting his comms in his ear, he walked over to the door. “Let’s do this then.”

“Alright, love,” Nureyev began with a grin. “Down the hall to the left there is a door to the stairwell on the right. Once you’re on the landing, call me.”

Juno saluted, resolutely ignoring the curl of heat in his gut at the commanding tone. “Got it,” he said, hoping it sounded steadier than he felt.

Nureyev smirked knowingly. “Go no further than the landing though, Juno,” he added, the firmness in his tone hardening. “Can you manage that for me?”

Juno felt his face grow hot and bit his cheek, nodding quickly. Not trusting himself to speak, he muttered a quick mm-hmm and turned fully toward the door.

“Juno,” Nureyev chastised lightly, and Juno dropped his forehead against the door.

“Yes, Nureyev, I can manage it,” he said, his voice a bit strained.

“Good girl,” Nureyev said, and Juno could hear the smirk in his voice at his shudder. “Let’s begin then.”

Juno quickly stepped out into the halway, leaning back against the door to take a deep breath. His pulse was jumping, with excitement about what they had done and what they were about to do, anxiety and anticipation for the heist to come. A grin overtook him, and Juno had to work not to laugh a bit out loud.

With that, he hurried down the hall, and slipped into the stairwell, already halfway through dialling Nureyev’s comms by the time he opened the door.

“Excellent work thus far, darling,” Nureyev purred as he answered.

“Knock it off,” Juno grumbled, smiling. “We have work to do.”

“Knock what off, dear detective?” he asked, sounding excessively innocent.

“You know what I mean,” Juno replied.

Nureyev sighed, and Juno could hear his eye-roll. “Fine, we can do this the boring way for the sensitive detective,” he complained and Juno snorted.

It went smoothly from there, Juno stopping and going all the way down the stairwell according to Nureyev’s directions. Soon enough, Juno found himself pushing through a door and out onto the street. Parked at the curb, there was a cab waiting, the driver barely blinking at Juno’s sudden appearance before he opened the back door.

“Mr Dahlia Rose?” the cabby confirmed as Juno stepped closer.

“That’s me,” he said with a laugh, and then into his commes, “Thank’s Duke, I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

Nureyev chuckled warmly, and Juno felt something pull in his chest. “Of course, my love,” he said softly, making Juno’s heart stutter. “I wouldn’t miss breakfast for the world.”

The comms beeped as Juno disconnected, and he gave the cabby his address as he slid into the backseat.

The drive was quiet, disturbed only by the sound of the cabby’s radio, leaving Juno to his thoughts. Juno looked out the window, watching Hyperion City roll by with a wistful smile.

He’d had an amazing evening, even with the emotional argument with Nureyev in the middle of it. Juno felt his chest squeeze as he thought about it, biting his lip as he leaned against the window. He thought about Nureyev saying “my love” all evening, about the feeling of Nureyev’s body under his as he dozed, about the quiet confession regarding the death of the man who made him.

“Stay the night?”

The memory of that quiet, vulnerable question, the hope that filled Nureyev’s tone, struck Juno in the chest. With sudden, intense clarity, he knew he would never be able to write the night off as a casual fling. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, given that Juno knew going into it that he was completely disinterested in sex unless his heart was in it. Juno didn’t do ‘flings.’

Juno knew he was in love with the thief, no matter how stupid that was, and for the brief seconds before the fear and heartach could catch up, he felt overwhelmed with joy.

“I do not want to retire, and I cannot retire to Mars, my love.”

Remembering that felt like a solid punch to the gut. Unshed tears stung his eyes and Juno hated himself for them. He knew the entire time that Nureyev would be leaving. He knew he wouldn’t get to keep him.

The cab stopped outside his apartment, and the cabby shook his head when Juno went to transfer the creds.

“No need. Mr Rose has already paid the fare and tip,” the cabby said, smiling at Juno’s indignant expression.

“Of course he did,” Juno grumbled but still transferred the creds. “Take it.”

“Uh, Mr Rose insisted—”

“Take the money, it’s a tip,” Juno said sternly, and slid out as the cabby thanked him profusely.

Approaching the front door of his and Benten’s apartment, he was relieved to see that there were no lights on inside. Juno didn’t want to deal with Benten while he was so close to crying and his lipstick was smeared across his cheek.

Once he was inside, he worked on getting his boots off, the first one having him curse under his breath as he struggled to untie it. Juno was exhausted and sore, and he just wanted to go to bed.

The tears welled up too quickly for Juno to blink them away, and he pulled off his eyepatch before he really started crying.

The light from the kitchen clicked on, startling a small shriek out of Juno.

“Do you have any idea what time it is, young lady?” Benten shouted, his tone teasing, but Juno was not in the mood for it.

“Har har, Ben. That’s super hilarious and not old at all,” Juno grumbled, trying to keep his tone light as he struggled with his boots, pointedly keeping his back turned toward his brother.

Of course, Benten could easily hear the barely restrained distress in Juno’s voice and he could hear Benten crossing the living room. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

Juno was frantic in his fight with his boots, needing to get them off so he could hide in the bathroom and get cleaned up. He couldn’t let Benten see him like that, especially not after what they had talked about before his night out.

By the time Juno had gotten free of this first boot, Benten was close enough to catch a glimpse of his messed up make-up and the hickeys on his shoulder and neck. Worst of all, he could see Juno’s unshed tears and Benten was instantly angry.

“Juno, what the fuck—”

“I know, Benten, I fucked up,” Juno said quickly, and he finally got the second boot off and hurried off to the bathroom. He locked himself inside, and when Benten began knocking, Juno shouted, “Go away, Benten! I honestly don’t need your lecture right now!”

“Lecture?” Benten asked, sounding legitimately confused and pausing long enough for Juno to answer.

However, Juno chose to try to ignore his brother, taking out a washcloth and wetting it to try and wash the make-up off. At Juno’s silence, Benten resumed his assault on the door.

“Did he hurt you?” Benten demanded, and Juno was completely thrown off by the question.

“What? No, Benten, I’m fine!” he replied, flinching when his voice cracked a bit. It didn’t sound convincing at all.

“Juno, seriously get out here! I will hunt him down right now and kill him if—”

Juno flung the bathroom door back open and dodged Benten’s fist, which was mid-knock. His brother was wild-eyed, looking so worried, and suddenly he understood his brother’s concern.

“It’s fine, Ben, seriously,” Juno insisted, grabbing Benten’s shoulders. “He didn’t— it’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Juno, you’re crying—”

“I know! I know. Seriously, he was great, he was nice, he was just…” Juno trailed off, unsure of what to say to make Benten leave him alone about it. Juno knew what he looked like, what they discussed before his Not Date with Nureyev, and what it all meant in the long run. “It was fine.”

Benten did not look convinced. “You’re upset. It can’t be fine—”

“Yes, I”m upset!” Juno burst out with an explosive sigh, shaking his head. There was no point denying it, and he wasn’t getting out of the discussion before bed. “If you’re going to insist on doing this tonight, then help me with my make-up. I’m not talking about it while I look like this, and this lipstick is terrible.”

Benten crossed his arms with a frown before rolling his eyes. “Fine, go get out of that dress and meet me in the living room,” he said, turning away to head to the kitchen.

Juno got changed quickly, shivering at the soreness already settling in his hips, thighs, and ass. He knew he was going to be feeling it in the morning, but he didn’t regret a moment of that evening, even with how broken his heart was.

When Juno left his room, he found Benten set up with a tub of coconut oil, a few washcloths, and a bowl of water. There were also two separate pints of ice cream set off to the side on the coffee table and a stream playing quietly on the monitor.

“Ben,” Juno grumbled at the special treatment, sitting down heavily.

“Nuh-uh, Juno. You’re not going to bed like this,” Benten said sternly, warming up the coconut oil in his hands and smearing it over Juno’s face, particularly on his lips and eyes. “You know you can’t go to bed upset. I heard you in the bathroom the other day or whenever that was, by the way.”

“Sorry,” Juno mumbled, embarrassed that Benten had not only heard him, but was bringing it up at all.

“Why the hell are you apologizing to me?” Benten asked, pulling his hands away from Juno’s face to wipe them clean on one of the washcloths. “I said all of that shit to you, let you go to bed upset, and didn’t stick around to make sure you were okay the next morning. That was super shitty of me.”

“Ben—”

“No, shut up. Just this once, let someone else take the blame,” Benten interrupted, picking up another cloth and wetting it a bit. As he began wiping the oil off of Juno’s face, he sighed. “So. What happened?”

Juno actually let out a laugh at that and gestured vaguely at himself. “Well, he took me out to dinner, then we went back to his hotel room, and then I’m pretty sure you can guess what happened after that,” Juno said, trying to be as vague as possible about it.

Benten pulled back and dropped the hand holding the washcloth into his lap. “What does that mean, Juno?” he asked, but it was obvious he knew exactly what Juno had meant.

“We went back to his hotel to talk,” Juno said, blushing hotly when Benten raised his eyebrow at him. “And then we did, uh, a bit more than talking. And then a lot more than talking.”

“We had one rule! Which you agreed to!” Benten scolded, throwing the washcloth onto the coffee table.

“I know,” Juno said with a weak nod.

“It was ‘absolutely do not sleep with the criminal!’ And I even thought it would be easy for you to manage!” Benten continued, grabbing one of the pints of ice cream open and digging into it.

“Yeah, Ben, I remember,” Juno said miserably, grabbing his own ice cream and starting in on it a bit slower.

“And you still slept with him?”

“Yeup,” Juno replied sadly.

Benten made a disgusted noise, almost a gag, and said, “The man put an entire sandwich in his pocket, Juno.”

Juno frowned at him. “He didn’t have the pockets on while we fucked, Ben.”

Benten made another disgusted noise and fell quiet, silently fuming into his ice cream. Then he gasped. “What about the Chastity Thong? Between it and the harness, you were supposed to stop and think!” he insisted.

Juno rolled his eyes. “First of all, the harness just got him really excited, and second of all, I did stop to think,” Juno said, smiling smugly at Benten’s disgusted face. “But then Rex… cut the thong… off of me.”

Benten’s eyes widened. “Like, with scissors?”

Juno smirked at his brother. “With a knife.”

There were several moments of Benten just spluttering. “Wait, let me get this straight,” he finally said, his voice full of indignant shock. “Not only did you fuck a criminal, but you let his knife near your lady bits?”

“The knife didn’t get anywhere near my lady bits, Ben,” Juno replied, and he couldn’t quite keep the wistful note out of his voice.

“And you sound disappointed about that!” Benten cried, horrified by this revelation, and Juno couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mess with his brother.

“So what if I am?” Juno asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Eugh, gross, I’m suing for damages,” Benten whined, glaring while Juno laughed.

After a while, Benten sighed and began mostly picking at his ice cream. “Joking aside, you don’t do casual,” he said softly, and Juno laughed humourlessly. “Like, I know how you’re very much about… needing those intense romantic feelings to get things going like that.”

Juno nodded, biting the inside of his cheek as tears welled back up. “Yeup.”

“And… you slept with him,” Benten continued slowly.

“Yeup,” he confirmed, laughing a bit.

“So… is he, like, staying then?” Benten asked.

“Nope,” Juno huffed, lifting a hand to wipe away a tear that was about to fall.

“Juno…” Benten started, but let himself trail off.

“It was so impulsive,” Juno elaborated, sadly shovelling some ice cream into his mouth. He let the ice cream melt before he said, “I just… I wanted to have whatever I could get, even if I couldn’t keep it, you know?”

Benten was quiet for a long time before pulling Juno into a tight hug, which Juno was more than happy to accept. With some adjusting, Benten got the two of them snuggled under a pile of blankets on the couch, their legs tangled and shoulders touching, leaning their heads together as they worked on their ice cream.

“I really know how to pick’em, huh?” Juno asked eventually.

Benten hummed a bit. “I mean, I hate him, but he seems to really care about you, and he is hot, so I mean, other than the whole criminal and leaving thing, you didn’t do too bad.”

Juno snorted. “Seriously? You hate him?”

“‘Course I do, Juno. He wants to mess around with my brother! I mean, it’s been a struggle to hate him since his obvious disgust at seeing me at that gala, but you know…” Benten trailed off before he asked, “So, you had a good time?”

Juno smiled, his face feeling hot again. “Yeah, dinner was great,” he said a bit wistfully. “Rex took me to that super fancy place, Rouge-something.”

Benten tensed. “Isn’t that where…?”

“Diamond proposed? Yeah,” Juno said with a sigh, smiling down at his ice cream. “But it was fine. It was… it was really nice.”

Juno finished his ice cream, and put the container down on the coffee table. He snuggled into the blankets and relaxed against Benten’s side even more. After a few minutes of quiet between them, he asked, “Why is it always like this for me?”

“Hm?” Benten hummed curiously around a mouthful of his ice cream and Juno shrugged.

“The more I want something, the more the universe does to fuck it up for me,” he answered, and it sounded pathetic to his own ears, and humiliation flooded him when Benten sighed.

“Do you want me to be honest with you, or just let you feel sorry for yourself?” he asked, and Juno let out a bark of laughter.

“Would my answer actually change what you were planning to do?” Juno asked.

“Nope!” Benten said cheerfully and took a deep breath. “Juno, you ignore red flags like it’s your job. You think the flags are decoration, a feature and not a bug. You’re famous for it!”

Juno scoffed before sitting up to face Benten. “And you don’t?”

“Shut up, this isn’t about me, it’s about you,” Benten snapped, glaring. “Listen, you pegged him—”

“He actually pegged me—”

“Ew, shut up, I’m being serious and you’re being gross,” Benten said with a cringe. “You figured him out the instant you saw him. You knew he was bad news, and you knew he would leave since day one.”

Juno glared a bit but he couldn’t actually argue it.

Benten’s face and tone softened as he said, “So, it’s a lot less of the universe ‘ruining’ things and more just… the universe operating as normal.”

“Hmph,” was all Juno said before snuggling deeper into the blankets against Benten’s side.

“I just… really like Rex, Ben,” he confessed quietly, and sighed when Benten rested his cheek on the top of his head.

“He told you his name, then?” Benten asked, and Juno furrowed his brow, wondering if he slipped up somehow.

“Yeah, he told me everything, why— how did you know?” Juno asked.

“I remember you saying something about not calling him ‘Rex’ until you knew his actual name or something like that,” Benten said with a chuckle. “It was super dramatic, and I approved even if I called you an idiot about it.”

Juno laughed a bit and rolled his eyes. “Then yes, he told me his name, and no, I won’t tell you,” Juno said quickly, knowing that was going to be his next question.

For a bit, Benten just pouted into his ice cream until he smirked, meeting Juno’s gaze. “So… does he have an ass?”

Juno groaned loudly. “Goddamn it, Ben, seriously?”

Ben shrugged, scooping up the last big spoonful of his ice cream into his mouth and tossing the empty container onto the coffee table. “It’s a yesh’r no quesh’in, Juno,” he mumbled around the ice cream in his mouth.

“Ass isn’t all there is, Ben,” Juno said, and realizing that was enough of an answer on it’s own, he quickly added, “And it’s not like I really saw him from behind much!”

“Ah, so it’s just as I thought,” Benten hummed, nodding sagely. “No ass. Tragic.”

“Not confirming that assumption, but even if he did lack certain… assets,” Juno started with a sly smirk. “He more than makes up for with his amazing cock—”

“Oh! Gross!” Benten gagged pushing Juno away. “Both the terrible pun and the image of him fucking you in my head. Disgusting. I’m suing for damages!”

Juno laughed just before a huge yawn overtook him. “Can we finish this in the morning? I’m really tired.”

“Yeah, we can do that, Juno,” Benten said, his tone fond and Juno couldn’t help but smile..

With that, the two of them dozed off together on the couch, Juno’s head on his brother’s shoulder, and Benten’s arms wrapped loosely around him.

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#the penumbra podcast #the penumbra fanfic #junoverse #juno steel #jupeter #bittersweet #gerry writes #full fic

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lu-undy · 4 years

Text

Chapter 60 - SBT

Here it is!

"Ugh…"

Mundy opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was the infinite blue sky. At first, he thought he had been sleeping on his van's rooftop. Hold on. Why did it smell of a fire…?

Mundy rolled on his side and the next thing he saw was his father's glasses on the orange ground of the desert.

"Argh, bugger…"

As his body woke up, he realised that he was lying on the ground itself. He blinked and looked around.

What the hell am I doing on the ground?

He thought as he tried to gather his memories to try and understand what led him to land there. He pushed himself to all four.

"Argh?!" He hissed. One of his arms hurt badly. He raised his eyes and the view made his insides twitch.

"What…?"

Corpses of the guards he was trying to shoot from the window. The window? What window? The hangar was down and being consumed by the last and shy flames.

"Bugger!" Mundy's eyes snapped wide. "Lu'?! LU'!?"

He jumped to his feet and ran towards the rubbles of the places, yelling and sobbing as he limped awkwardly. Everything hurt in his body.

"Lu'?! Lucien?! Where are you, Lu'?! Lu', talk to me! Lu'?!"

He started digging through the stones like a mad man, with only one arm, randomly, blinded by everything but only seeing his lover.

"Mundy! Is that you?!"

A hand powerfully grabbed his collar from behind and pulled him up.

"Maurice?! What the hell are you doing here?"

"What are you talking about? You called for us saying there had been an explosion and a fire!"

Mundy looked behind Maurice's shoulder and saw the fire brigade, an ambulance and police cars. He hadn't seen them or heard them coming.

"Maurice, he's somewhere here, help me find him please!"

"Mundy." Maurice held him back from his shoulder.

"Argh! Don't stand around like a bloody idiot! Help me!"

"Mundy."

"He is somewhere! He can't be no where so he has to be somewhere, I mean it stands to reason, doesn't it?!" Mundy threw bits of bricks here and there until Maurice pulled him back strongly.

"Let the fire brigade and the police do their job, and let me take you to an ambulance, you are bruised beyond what I could recognise… Thank God I heard your voice."

"But we can't leave him here! He's here! I left him here! He is somewhere!"

"Mundy!" Maurice slammed his hands left and right on Mundy's cheeks and looked him straight in the eye. "Let them search for him, you need to tend to your wounds!"

Mundy was raising distraught, almost childish eyes to Maurice who sighed.

"Mundy, I did tell you back in my place."

"No!"

"I did warn you that this would happen."

"No! He's there!" Mundy sobbed as he tried to wiggle away from Maurice's arms. "Let me find him! Lu'! Lu', please! LU'!"

The firemen started to deal with the last flames, and Maurice and a few beggars carried Mundy away to an ambulance. The poor man couldn't walk on his own two feet.

The ambulance crew started cleaning Mundy's wounds that he didn't feel anyway and each time a fireman would pass by, the Aussie would ask.

"Found him?"

And he would receive the same answer: head lowered and shaken.

"No, no, no, I promised! I promised I'd keep him safe! I promised we'd go through this together and we'd go and - argh, FUCK!"

"Sir, look, you have at least a broken arm, we need to take you to a hospital." A first helper explained.

"You take me nowhere before we find him!"

"Sir, look down at your arm, you can't remain like this or you might damage more than just your tissue."

"Don't care, I need him, I don't need my stupid arm, I need him!" Mundy tried to stand up and push the ambulance crew away but he felt something sting his arm and his legs went to jelly as his eyelids fell on his eyes…

-- A day later --

Muffled noises. What was it? Ah, a conversation. Who was talking? Were they talking to him?

Mundy opened his eyes slowly and blinked.

"Oh, he has woken up."

"Ah, perfect. Can we have a moment please, nurse?"

"Of course."

Maurice nodded and the lady in the white uniform left the room.

"Where…?" Mundy started as Maurice approached his bed.

"The hospital. They transported you here and you got some surgery done to your arm. It was broken, now it is in a cast." Maurice explained. "How do you feel?"

"Weird. Tired. Can't move much."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Not really… Uh… I remember bits."

"Go ahead." Maurice sat on the chair next to the bed.

"Right… We were off to kill Duchemin with Lu'."

"I can confirm Duchemin is dead, Mundy. We found his carbonised remnants under the rubble."

"Oh, Christ…" Mundy gagged.

"Are you alright?"

"I… We tortured him with Lu'... I did disgusting stuff to him… When I realised what I did, I threw up in a corner of the hangar. Mate, it was horrible."

Maurice frowned.

"You? You tortured a man?" He asked, astounded.

Mundy sighed and looked away.

"Yeah… Not proud of it. But he had to pay."

"I am not judging you, Mundy. I am just surprised, but I understand."

"Yeah… We did horrible stuff to him, Lu' and I, but at some point his guards were lookin' for him of course. Lu' told me to go upstairs and shoot the guards from above, through a window. He… Have you found him?" Mundy looked at Maurice with pleading eyes.

"We have found this." Maurice put a hand in his pocket and retrieved a broken watch and a butterfly blade. "And your stuff is on the table next to you."

Mundy looked on the side and saw his watch, his father's glasses and…

"The cigs' case." He said. "Bloody hell…"

"We found someone…" Maurice started. "He was wearing a suit and a mask, not far from Duchemin."

"Bloody hell…" Mundy closed his eyes and frowned. He felt it coming and just let it go. The tears flowed down. "Bloody hell…"

"I am sorry, Mundy."

"I knew he should have come with me, I had told him to. I didn't want to go away from him. I told him… Lu'... Fucking hell, I can't even cry as much as I want… Everything hurts and I can't cry…"

Maurice put a hand on Mundy's shoulder.

"I understand that you liked each other quite a lot."

"I… Mate… I…"

"I know. He loved you too. He was head over heels for you."

Mundy sniffed and more water flowed from his eyes.

"And that's why he made arrangements before he went with you to get Duchemin."

"What…?"

"When I had a chat with you, alone, and asked you to send him to me, we discussed things. We both knew that he was going to his end and he wanted me to take care of what would happen to his belongings."

"Wait…" Mundy sniffed. "He knew he was-?"

"Oui. He was convinced and he knew that whatever you would try to help, you would not succeed. No one escapes the secret services for long. Duchemin managed it for ten years and that's as long as it can get."

"We could have tried at least and get whatever time we could."

"Non. He did not want it." Maurice answered and Mundy's heart shattered in his insides.

"What?" His voice broke.

"Not that he didn't want to spend time with you, but he didn't want you to be an accomplice to his escape, because otherwise, you would be held accountable for it in the eyes of the law."

"Bullshit. I don't care about all that! I told him, I told him I didn't care if I died that day, he has stuff to take care of, he's got Pearl, his kitten, he's got-"

"Speaking of…" Maurice said and he opened his ragged coat wide. He dived a hand in one of the pockets and fished out a white ball of fluff that hissed left and right.

"Pearl?!"

Maurice delicately put her on Mundy's chest and when the kitten realised it was him, she went straight for the crook of his neck and curled in a ball of fur there, mewling repeatedly.

"If anyone asks, I did not bring her." Maurice answered. "Pets are not exactly welcome in a hospital."

"Baby kitty… Hey…?"

"L asked me to give her to you. He wanted you to take care of her."

"Fuck…" Mundy was sent crying again and soon, the kitten joined him in his cries.

"He also leaves everything he has to you. He asked me to tell you that it was not much, but he hoped that you could remember him through a few things."

Mundy's tears continued to flow between two sniffs. A waterfall.

"I hate myself… It happened twice now… I should have died with him… I don't want to live this shit life anymore… I mean…"

"You have to take care of the cat." Maurice answered. "It was one of his requests."

"Fuckin' hell…"

"I have all his belongings, and whenever you come out of the hospital, you can come and take them. Same for your van, it is with me."

Mundy's breath was erratic through the cries.

"I am sorry, Mundy. I truly am."

"What am I gonna do now?" He desperately asked.

"Whatever you choose, but I would recommend to not stay idle for too long. Find something you like and do it."

"I wanted to live with him…"

Perle licked his hair on his temple as he cried and cried.

"I am sorry Mundy. He told you this would happen, I told you this would happen. I understand that you thought you and him could get out of it, but no, he couldn't ever have gone out of the French secret services radars."

Mundy shut his eyes and let the tears flow. Maurice fell silent for a moment.

"He wanted his body to be buried here." The beggar went on.

"Here?"

"He said to me that France had brought nothing else but problems to him, especially as of late. And he wanted to be close to you. He had hoped you could visit him from time to time."

"Yeah… I mean… ugh…" Mundy tried to sit up and Maurice helped him.

"There."

"Thanks, mate. But yeah, of course I'll… Bugger I can't stop…"

More tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I understand. I will organise something for him. It won't be as grand as a ceremony back in the Ministry, but we cannot possibly bury him without paying our respects."

"Right… Thanks…"

"It will take place in two days. I talked to the doctors and they say you should be out by then. Of course you are more than welcome to come."

"Yeah."

Perle laid on his lap and looked up at Mundy, with her big round eyes.

"I shall leave you to rest now, you need it." Maurice put the broken watch on top of the cigarette case. "I will see you in two days."

"Yeah. Oh, uh, Maurice?"

"Oui?"

"Thanks. For everything."

"It is the least I could do." He said and left the hospital room.

"Meow?"

"I'm sorry, kitty cat… Yer dad… He…" Mundy sniffed and as Maurice was walking away through the corridor, he heard the echo of a scream, interspersed with sobs.

He sighed and exited the hospital, his heart in his throat.

"Meow?"

She looked up at the Aussie who now realised his left arm was in a cast. He took Perle in one hand and squeezed her tight against his chest as he wringed any kind of water left in his body out through his eyes. He lied down and buried himself under the blanket.

"Sir, are you alright?" A nurse entered the room.

"Leave me alone!"

"Sir-"

"Leave me! Leave me like everyone else in my life! Leave me in peace!" He barked from under the blanket and he heard her footstep as she walked away.

A few moments later, a man's voice interrupted Mundy's sobs.

"Sir, I have to check up on your vital signs and arm."

"Bugger off."

"If everything is in order, you may leave."

Mundy sighed and removed the blanket from him.

Perle started hissing at the man in the white labcoat.

"It's ok, kitty cat. He's nice."

"Pets aren't allowed here."

"You throw her out and I throw myself out." Mundy answered menacingly.

The doctor sighed.

"Sit up, please."

He ran the checks he needed: heartbeat, blood pressure, and got him to get an x-ray for his arm. When all was finished and carefully analysed, the doctor announced that Mundy could get back home. He gave him instructions and medication for his arm and insisted that he should follow all of that if he wanted to heal.

The Aussie stood up and a nurse tried to help him dress up. Perle, who was sitting on the bed, hissed at her.

"Please…" Mundy raised his hand to ask her to leave, and she did.

He got dressed up and put Perle on his shoulder. He took his watch and tossed it in the bin before grabbing Lucien's and putting it on. He wore his father's glasses and put Lucien's blade in one of his pockets.

"Right, let's go, kitty."

Mundy walked out of the hospital, an arm wrapped up with a scarf as it was in a cast. He walked to the nearest bus stop and waited amongst people.

Perle hissed at anyone who dared look at her Dad.

"It's ok, baby…" He muttered under his breath until the bus came. He slipped in and looked at the streets rolling before his eyes.

Nothing made sense.

Twenty-four hours before, Lu' was still there, by his side. He could look at him, he could hear him. And he had kissed his lips…

Mundy tightened his grip on the pole in the bus and looked away, through the opposite window. He sighed.

Perle, who was perched on his shoulder, came closer to his neck and brushed herself on him as she purred. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Mundy turned his head and kissed her softly and repeatedly.

"Love you, baby." He whispered.

"Meow…" She answered.

And the bus travelled deeper and deeper in the city, finally reaching somewhere relatively close to Maurice's neighbourhood.

Mundy came off of the bus and went for Maurice's hideout. He headed to one of the houses but got stopped on his way there.

"Mundy."

"Hey, Maurice. You're not home?"

"I was expecting you."

"Ah, ok."

"Here, the keys to your van. There she is, waiting for you." Maurice pointed in the street at the place where Mundy usually parked.

"Thanks, mate."

"We loaded L's belongings at the back. He didn't have much, you'll see."

"Thanks."

"And I suggest you stay here for the night. You can't drive."

"Yeah… I'll probably do that." Mundy answered and headed for the van.

"Good night, Mundy."

"Hm." He mumbled back as he crossed the street.

Mundy arrived at his van's backdoor and unlocked it. It sadly creaked open and the Aussie saw the suitcase and couple of bags on the floor that weren't there before.

Lu's stuff.

He closed the door and switched on the light.

"Meow?"

"Let's have a look, yeah."

Mundy sat on the floor and started to explore his lover's clothes. His lover?

His ex-lover…

He found all the suits, the casual ones and the ones he used to sing at the Queen Victoria with. Mundy smelt one. It still bore his perfume.

"Bloody hell…" He buried his head in it as if it was Lucien's chest itself.

"Meow?"

"Here, smell this."

He put the suit on the floor and Perle went straight to one of the pockets. She curled inside it and her fluffy head popped out of it.

"Meow?"

"Yer Papa… He's… gone."

"Meow?"

Mundy continued to unpack Lucien's clothes.

"Yeah, gone. And he won't come back."

"Meow?!" She pulled her ears down sadly and lowered her head.

"Nah, he didn't abandon you. He didn't abandon anyone. He… He did what he thought was best to protect you, baby cat."

"Meow?"

"Why? I don't know…"

Mundy's valid hand reached the bottom of the first bag and he reached a little bag of some sort. He took it out and put it between his open legs. He opened the zipper and his eyebrows jumped.

It was his toiletries: his toothbrush, his shaving foam, his after shave and gosh, his perfume!

Mundy got it out and opened it. He sprayed it in the room and as the smell hit him, tears beaded in his eyes.

"Meow!" Perle slipped out of the jacket pocket and smelt the air. When the droplets of perfume fell down on her, she sneezed repeatedly, making Mundy smile between his tears.

"C'mon, baby, let's go to sleep."

"Meow?"

"Yeah, let's not open everything at once."

"Meow." She curled back in the jacket pocket.

"C'mon, let's go to bed."

"Meow!" She refused to exit her nest and Mundy sighed.

"Right, you can stay here. I'll sleep in the bed."

He removed his clothes and put on an old tee-shirt and pair of shorts before climbing his ladder clumsily, as his arm in the cast wasn't handy. When he finally reached his bed, he rolled in the blanket and closed his eyes.

"Meow?"

Mundy didn't answer.

"Meow?"

"What?"

"Meow…"

"You wanna come up here?"

"Meow." She agreed.

"Christ sake's, baby, you should have said before, it's hell comin' up and down from bed with my arm like this…" Mundy carefully climbed the ladder down. He went to scoop Perle out of the vest jacket but she planted her claws and little fangs in the jacket.

"You don't wanna let go of it? Right…"

Mundy took the jacket with Perle in the pocket between his teeth as he climbed the bed again. Once he was up, he lied down and hugged the kitten and the vest.

Yeah, the kitten was right, that's much better. Now, he could smell Lucien as he drifted off to sleep.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy #SBT

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danijimenezv · 4 years

Text

I Know My Worth

Prompt: “If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”

Pairing: Clint Barton x reader

Warnings: Sexism, misogyny, slight abuse of power, low self-esteem, confidence problems, insults and mean remarks, medical emergencies, a few gross descriptions, swear words.

Word Count: 7968 words (oops, I got a bit carried away, sorry!)

A/N: Happy late International Women’s Day to all my fellow females out there! This was my entry for @captain-kelli’s Strong Women-themed 500 Fam Writing Challenge. It’s set prior to the first Avengers movie, when S.H.I.E.L.D. was still a thing. This turned out to be personal for me because it shows my own experience at becoming a veterinary doctor, most of them are examples I had to live myself, so please be kind with it. Also, everything in here is from what I know about medicine in animals, but I can’t be completely sure it also applies to people, so excuse my mistakes!

Being a medical student wasn’t easy, that was something you learned the hard way. It was late nights, crappy eating habits and stressful situations; your time stops being your own, having to prioritize most of your life, and most times you have to give up a lot. It was a marathon, not a sprint. All of that added to the fact that the whole environment was toxic, where egos clashed constantly, everything turned into a competition and asking for help was seen as a weakness. Now, as if that didn’t sound awful enough, being a medical student as a female was even harder. In a man’s world, medicine was no exception to sexism. Male students were praised, while female students were constantly doubted and made fun of, with remarks that ranged from their physical appearance to their capacities. For instance, girls were usually questioned about being able to take critical decisions in the ER when required, while no one ever implied that a guy was incapable of that.

Things didn’t change much once you graduated. It was difficult for most doctors to gain visibility and recognition once out of medical school, but it was even harder and more complex for women. Male doctors were constantly recognized worldwide for their feats, while female doctors mostly remained in the dark. Even as doctors, women have been known to have to fight for everyone around to take them seriously, having to work extra hard, go the extra mile, to be heard and recognized as they should.

Y/N Y/L/N was one of them. She had a love for medicine and a passion for helping people that made her great for a doctor. She had worked really hard throughout college and afterwards, which landed her a great position at the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division, as one of their field medics. The problem? She was the only woman in the medical team, and the head doctor didn’t take well to that change.

Her nightmare began the very first moment she arrived at the facility. She had just gotten there when she saw a man on the floor, and she hurried to get to his side, immediately getting into doctor mode. She dropped her bag open by her side in case she needed her instruments, and proceeded to determine what was wrong with him.

“What’s going on here?” another doctor rushed forward, ignoring the small group of people already gathering around them.

“I don’t know, he was already on the floor when I arrived.” she explained, “Pulse is weak, he’s hypotensive. He also shows signs of low blood oxygen saturation, cyanosis and acute dyspnea.”

“What else, newbie?” he demanded in a harsh tone.

Y/N examined the man one more time to see if she had overlooked an important detail, before deciding to take out her stethoscope to auscultate, “No lung expansion on his left side.”

“Bring me the bag mask.” he ordered to someone else and they rushed away.

“Could be a hemothorax.” Y/N responded confidently, “He could have an internal hemorrhage in the pleural cavity. He needs a thoracentesis right now to drain the thorax or he’ll suffocate.”

“Then get out of the way and let the real doctors do the work.”

“I have what I need here with me, you can’t afford to wait until they bring you a scalpel and a chest tube, it has to be now.”

“If you fail, this agent’s life is on you.” the doctor barked angrily.

Y/N took a scalpel out of her bag and exposed the man’s side of his ribcage. She made a clean incision and pushed the tube inside. A second later, the liquid started to drain out of the man’s chest. Slowly, the agent’s respiration began to normalize, allowing him to breathe and get some much needed oxygen into his lungs.

“Doctor Rivera, Doctor Tate, get Agent Hall ready for surgery. He won’t be stable for long.”

“Yes, boss.” the other two responded and sprung into action.

The senior doctor then turned to Y/N, “Clear liquid, obviously not a hemothorax.”

“Pleural effusion. But it was still liquid compressing the lungs and he still needed the thoracentesis, whether the liquid was bloody, purulent or clear.”

“I still don’t trust your examination because I wasn’t there to see it, but your incision was horrible. You do know you have to make the incision at the fifth intercostal space anterior to the mid axillary line, right? Not the sixth nor the fourth. And you have to make a clean cut, not slice every layer individually.”

“Wait, I’m pretty sure I did make the single cut at the fifth space.” she defended herself.

“And to top it all, you seem to have a knack for talking back to your new boss.”

That made her freeze in her place, as Y/N finally realize who she was talking to, “You’re Doctor Blaine Fowler. I’m so sorry, sir.”

“I knew we shouldn’t have admitted you in here, a girl straight out of med school, but Fury insisted. Your recommendation letters were remarkable.”

“Thank you, sir-”

“It wasn’t a compliment, those mean nothing to me. See, you might’ve been a decent enough student, but let’s get something clear, you are not a decent doctor, got it?”

It was the first low blow in a long line of insults to come, to which she simply hung her head low and muttered a soft “Sorry, sir…”

“Listen here, newbie, you have been here all of half an hour, I’ve been in charge here for longer than you’ve been studying, so don’t get any ideas. Things here are done the way I deem it correctly. And I won’t have a young, barely-doctor girl disrupting my work, okay? You work under my mandate now, be sure to behave as such.”

“Yes, sir…”

That first day was the start of a complicated work relationship that only seemed to worsen for her.

*****

A couple of months into the job, things hadn’t changed much. When she was on duty alone, things weren’t as difficult. Y/N could make the decisions she thought right with no one criticizing her every move, without her boss breathing down her neck, waiting for her to make a mistake. However, Fowler was still her boss, which meant he controlled what procedures she could be included in, which weren’t many. He preferred to pick any of the other male doctors before her, and he usually had her do easy tasks, as if she wasn’t capable of doing more than that.

It happened when Fowler wasn’t around, which considerably lessened her anxiety levels. It was while she was processing a few blood samples that she heard a commotion approaching. She exited the lab just in time to see two agents practically dragging a third one. They left a blood trail on the floor while they looked around desperately.

“What happened?” Y/N made her way to them.

“Where are the real doctors?” the one on the left spoke harshly.

Translation: the male doctors.

“Shut up, asshole. She’s a real doctor.” the one in the middle, the injured one, groaned out, focusing his blue eyes on her.

Y/N had seen him around, but she had never really interacted with him before until that moment. His remark, while quite simple, still surprised her. After all, she didn’t only fight for her boss and colleagues to take her seriously, but also with some of the patients that for some reason felt safer with other doctors. She smiled at him gratefully, before examining him slowly. His dirty blonde hair was glued to his sweaty forehead, his breathing hard and labored as he clearly tried to ignore the pain, while one of his hands was pressing on his bloodied torso.

“He was near an explosion, and some of the shards hit him.” the man on the right informed, casting her an uncertain look but not quite as against her as the first man had been.

“We have to get you to a room. I’ll have to pull out the shards with tweezers and then evaluate if you need stitches and then bandage.”

“Where’s Dr. Fowler?”

“Not here. I’m the doctor on call today.”

“Think you can help me, Doc?” the guy smirked cheekily despite being in obvious pain.

“Come on.” she tried him from the other two agents, to get him to a room quickly, but the other two took a few steps away, “Agents, I need to take him in order to fix him up.”

“We’ll take him and go with you.”

“With all due respect, I work better without an audience.”

“Why? Otherwise you can’t concentrate? A few stitches that hard for you?”

“No, but just so I don’t have to listen to your idiotic comments.” Y/N snapped, getting irritated, “Agent…?”

“Barton.” the dirty blonde man offered.

“Agent Barton has to be treated quickly, and you’re not letting me do my job.”

“You heard the lady, Rodríguez.” Agent Barton said, “I’m going with her.”

“Barton, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Get your head out of your ass, Carson.” he let out a growl, “She’s the doctor here, she’s the boss. What she says, goes. It’s not that hard to understand, idiots.”

“Don’t you want to wait until another doctor arrives? Another one must be around.”

“No, I’m fine with her. And honestly, you’re lucky I’m bleeding out here on the floor, because I’d be a few seconds away from kicking your ass.”

The two agents left him with Y/N hesitantly, and it was clear they still didn’t trust she was capable of stitching him up, but Y/N didn’t stay to fight with them any longer. She wasn’t going to be able to change their minds anyway, and she was losing important seconds that she could use on her patient, so she turned around and lead Barton to the consultory. As soon as he laid down on the cot, she got to work, putting gloves on and getting everything she needed.

“Please tell me you have your tetanus vaccine up to date.”

“I think so.” Clint shrugged.

“Okay, good.”

Barton reclined back, letting his head rest tiredly, and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pain, but opened them once again when he felt her looming over him. Y/N worked silently but efficiently, having everything ready in barely a minute. She proceeded to create a tourniquet above his wound with a belt, trying to lessen the bleeding.

“Agent Barton, this might hurt.” she warned him kindly, holding the antiseptic up so he could see what she meant.

“You can call me Clint.” he tried to smile at her, but probably ended up wincing, judging by her answer.

“It’s okay, you’ll be alright soon, I promise.”

Clint hissed as soon as he felt the stinging sensation on his torso and clenched his jaw a few times. The doctor cleaned the wound, gently so she wouldn’t get any of the shards deeper than they already were, and wiped away the blood so she could see what she was dealing with.

“How much does it hurt?” she asked gently as she took the injection of lidocaine in her hand.

“A lot. I might die.”

“You won’t die, Agent Barton.” she rolled her eyes in amusement, “It doesn’t look like any of the shrapnel hit anything vital. It looks superficial. Though, I’ll conduct an ultrasound afterwards to make sure.”

“I told you, you can call me Clint.”

“Clint.” Y/N tried out the nickname and changed the subject, trying to distract him from what she was about to do, “Um, thank you, for standing up for me.”

“I shouldn’t have to. I’ve seen the way they treat you, and it’s unfair.”

“You’ve seen it? How?”

“I’m just really observant.” Clint shrugged in dismissal and looked at her seriously, “Why don’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s pointless. And if I talk back to Fowler, he’ll have me on cleaning duty instead of doing medical procedures.”

“You’ll have to face him eventually.”

“I can’t, Clint. Even if I want to, I can’t. My job is on the line.”

Y/N took the tweezers and began taking out piece by piece, starting with the smallest ones so there wouldn't be additional blood covering her view. She tugged at the shards with precise movements, trying to be as gentle as possible with him. Clint closed his eyes and waited for her to be done, prepared for the pain, though it never came.

“Fury wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Fury isn’t my boss, Fowler is. And I know Fowler answers to Fury, but Fury doesn’t usually get involved in the medical area.” she sighed, working the needle through the wounds, stitching him up, “Believe me, if there was something I could do, I already would’ve.”

“It’s not right.” he mumbled, “Doc, don’t let them walk all over you.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“My name is Y/N.” she smiled at him, bandaging him quickly, “Ready.”

“You’re done?!” Clint opened his blue eyes and looked at her in bewilderment, and then down at his bandaged torso, “I didn’t even feel anything.”

“Because I gave you a local anesthetic.”

“Well, that’s new.” he commented, “They usually don’t use that on us.”

“The point of an anesthetic is to reduce the patient’s pain.” Y/N said obviously, “If I can help with that, then I’m sure as hell going to use it. I really don’t get why they wouldn’t.”

“And that alone makes you a graeter doctor than all of them together.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“You are. Not because you used the anesthetic on me, but because you care about the patient above anything else.”

Y/N didn’t answer him, but instead smiled at him gratefully. He had just met her, and still, Clint had been about the only one who had trusted her, who had believed in her.

*****

Since then, a beautiful friendship started to form between Y/N and Clint. He didn’t come back as a patient, but as a friend instead. When he wasn’t busy on missions, he dropped by the medical bay constantly, either to check up on her or simply to keep her company. He made sure she was eating at the right hours, drinking the necessary amount of water and taking breaks so she wouldn’t bury herself in work. He also was a welcoming distraction from the nightmare that was having to deal with her boss and colleagues.

That day, though, Clint hadn’t dropped by. She was in her office alone, catching up on some reading she needed to do, when another emergency hit. She rushed out of her office and ran through the place until she found her colleagues, who were rolling a gurney and probably heading to the OR for an emergency surgery.

“Out of the way, Y/L/N.” Fowler snapped, pushing her aside.

“What happened to her?”

“Acute liver failure, she needs to be admitted into surgery.” another doctor informed.

“Wait a second, you can’t operate on her!”

Fowler and the rest of the doctors stopped the gurney and stared at her mockingly, causing her to look down with her cheeks heating up.

“And why on Earth do you think we shouldn’t operate on her?”

“She’s decompensated-”

“Because of the liver failure, keep up, Doctor Y/L/N.”

“I get that, but did you stop to look at her medical records?”

“That’s the last thing you should be thinking in such a critical-”

“She’s hemophiliac!” Y/N shouted in frustration, “If you operate on her right now, in her state, she’ll bleed out on your operations table.”

“And if we don’t operate on her she’ll die anyway.”

“Fowler, think about it.” Y/N begged him, “You’re operating for a liver failure. If you by proximity happen to touch her spleen, you can cause an erythrocyte sequestration, and with her hemophilia, it could be critical and she’ll end up dead in record time.”

“Y/L/N, are you that incapable of making critical decisions that you even question our decisions?”

“That’s not it…” she sighed softly.

“I have a team of very capable doctors with me, we can handle it.”

“Her body can’t.”

“I want you out of here, Y/L/N. I won’t let you interfere with this.”

With a frown but firm determination, she stormed out of there and ran through the whole division, looking for that specific person. Y/N found him in the middle of training with Natasha Romanoff, but she didn’t care, she still barged into the room, making both of them stop and look up at her.

“Agent Romanoff.” she nodded respectfully before turning to Clint, “Clint, I need you.”

“What’s up, sweetheart?”

“You’re an O negative, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s an emergency. Agent Levi is being rolled into surgery right now for acute liver failure. But she’s hemophiliac, she’s an O negative as well, and she can only receive blood from another O negative. Fowler is just focusing on the emergency surgery, not the critical cares he needs to have for her condition.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Can you donate blood to her?”

“Lead the way.” Clint nodded decisively.

“I’m so sorry for the interruption, Agent Romanoff.” Y/N started to say, but Natasha raised a hand in dismissal.

“Don’t sweat it, Doctor Y/L/N. Go save lives.”

Y/N urged Clint into her office, getting the bags for the blood and the needle. She made a tourniquet on his arms and touched his arm gently, assessing his vein.

“I’m really sorry, I wouldn’t be asking this of you if I didn’t think it was an emergency.”

“Y/N, you’re the doctor here.” he reassured her, “You do what you have to do.”

“Okay.” she took a deep breath, trying to calm her shaking hands, “Agent Barton, have you eaten something in the last four hours?”

“No.”

“Do you have a disease of any kind?”

“No.”

“Have you suffered from Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, HIV-AIDS, Syphilis or another chronic illness that should be taken into account?”

“Nope.”

“Do you have multiple sexual partners?”

“Why do you want to know, sweetheart?” he smirked at her, and Y/N’s cheeks heated up in betraying as she finally realized what she had just asked him, “If you wanted a piece of this, you only had to ask.”

“I swear, it’s a routinary question for blood donors.” Y/N defended, looking around awkwardly as her heart raced with the incredibly pleasing image he had just put in her mind.

“The answer is no, in case you also wanted to know for yourself.” he chuckled, seeing her fluster, “I already have my eye on a single someone.”

However, Y/N tried to not let herself dwell on that bit of information. She already attributed her crush on him to the fact that Clint seemed to be the only one around who believed in her, who didn’t try to diminish her. She didn’t want to make it worse by focusing on it.

“Okay…” she drawled out, trying to place her attention again on the matter at hand instead of her feelings, “Have you received any organ transplants?” he shook his head, “Suffered from epilepsy, tuberculosis, severe cardiac disease or cancer?” he signalled no again, “Have you consumed alcoholic beverages, narcotics, or any intravenous or inhaled drugs in the last 12 hours?”

“Also no.” Clint raised an eyebrow, “Did I pass your test?”

“Yes, you can officially be a blood donor.”

Y/N extracted his blood as quickly and efficiently as possible, and once done, placed the bags in a small icebox. Then she went to the storage room and got all the medications she thought were needed. After telling Clint to wait for her in her office, she headed to the operating room. Fowler had already gone inside, but another doctor was just outside getting ready to assist him.

“Rivera.” Y/N called for his attention.

“What do you want, Y/L/N? I thought Fowler told you to get lost.” she pushed the icebox in his face, “What is this?”

“Agent Barton’s O negative blood. Agent Levi will need a continuous blood transfusion during the surgery. I also took, from another sample, adequate quantities of clotting factor concentrates, it should also be enough for the post-operative coverage.” she then took a few syringes from her pocket, “This is desmopressin, it can raise the coagulation factors levels to control the bleeding in case you need it. Only use it if Agent Levi gets hypotensive. If you decide to use the desmopressin, do not give her any NSAIDS or opioids. The pain should be managed with celecoxib or meloxicam, or you can use a combination of paracetamol with codeine or tramadol.”

“Why are you giving me the credit for this?”

“I don’t care about the credit.” Y/N huffed indignantly, “The patient’s life is more important than being right, even if I want to rub it in Fowler’s face.”

And it was true. Even if she later had to bear with Fowler praising Rivera for his quick thinking and precaution, if the patient was okay, she didn’t care much.

Rivera chuckled softly, “That’s impressive, Y/L/N.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Just make sure Fowler doesn’t kill Agent Levi, make sure she survives.”

Doctor Rivera nodded respectfully at her for the first time and headed into the OR. Y/N smiled in relief and finally slowed down her pace as she made it back to her office, where Clint was patiently waiting for her.

“Why aren’t you in surgery?”

“Because Fowler wasn’t gonna let me inside, even if I were the only doctor available.”

“Then who is giving Agent Levi my blood?”

“Doctor Rivera.”

“Why did you give him the credit for your quick thinking?” Clint huffed in annoyance.

“Because no matter who assisted Fowler in that surgery, Agent Levi needed the blood. I know I was right, I know I did the right thing. But as long as Agent Levi gets well, that’s all that matters.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I get that. But they won’t see you for the doctor you are unless you let them know.”

“You know I can’t do that.” she sighed, plopping down on the chair next to him, “I could find the cure for cancer, and they would never see it.”

Clint extended his arm to take her hand in his, squeezing it gently and rubbing soft circles on her skin, “They all will see it soon, I promise. You deserve that.”

“Clint.” Y/N calmed him, squeezing his hand back, “As long as the patients are getting what they need, I don’t need it. Yeah, it would be nice, but I care more about the patients. And if I have to let another doctor take credit for a win, then I will, as long as the patient is okay.”

Clint stared at her in pure amazement, his chest blooming with pride.

“Come on, Barton. Let’s get some glucose into your body.” she winked at him, “Doctor’s orders.”

He was definitely in trouble; he was falling for her, and he was falling hard and fast.

*****

Another day, another commotion. They were simply eating sushi in her office, hanging out, when they heard it outside. Y/N immediately sprung from her seat, offering Clint an apologetic smile, before heading out, and Clint followed after her, but they didn’t get too far, before they came face to face with two agents. Instead, they cleared the path for them and lead them into her office.

“What happened?” she asked as one agent dragged another one into the room. Both of them looked like hell; the more stable one had a few cuts down his arms and dried blood on his uniform, while the other one seemed to be in a worse condition, barely responsive.

“He was poisoned.” the agent dropped his partner on the cot, letting Y/N examine him as quickly as possible.

“He’s got dyspnea, mydriasis and ptyalism. I don’t see any visible rash or irritation around the mouth. Was it injected or ingested?”

“Either way, be prepared to induce vomiting.” Fowler walked into the room, focusing his piercing gaze on her, “Quick, Y/L/N, which emetic would you use for that purpose?”

“Apomorphine or emetine, but I wouldn’t use an emetic, sir.” she was quick to say.

“Why not?”

“We don’t know which poison was, it could be caustic and with an emetic it could burn down his anterior digestive tract. Also, he hasn’t displayed tremors nor seizures, so I think it’d be better to proceed with a gastric lavage.”

“And I suppose you have the exact antidote, don’t you?” he mocked.

“Well, no, but-”

“Get the emetic ready, Doctor Tate.”

“But sir, the induction of vomiting could be counterproductive.” Y/N added, “It could cause seizures, hypoxia, and severe depression or even induce coma.”

“Y/L/N!” Fowler yelled in anger, making her jump startled, “I don’t need you here to recite the textbook. Practicing medicine isn’t just evaluating symptoms, it’s a whole.”

“I know, but it could be more dangerous-”

“Don’t interrupt me. It’s very rare that the actual cases align perfectly with what you have memorized. And no matter how much time you spent preparing to become a doctor, you’re likely to encounter some things you never anticipated on the job. That’s what being a doctor is. If you’re not ready for that, the door is right there.”

Y/N was left standing there, opening and closing her mouth like a gaping fish.

“Fowler.” Clint growled in warning.

“No, he’s right.” Y/N mumbled like an scolded child.

She retreated to the back of the room, letting the other doctors conduct the procedures Fowler ordered. Clint immediately went after her and pulled her in a huge hug. He felt a few tears soaking through his shirt, but he knew better than to comment on it.

Clint hated everything about her situation. He had been close to shooting Fowler every time he had seen him bring her down like that, and he felt compelled to do it right at that moment. But Fowler could be dealt with, the other doctors could be dealt with. The worst part was that Y/N had started to believe what they told her. She tried not to let it show, but it was obvious it affected her.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for this…”

“Like hell you aren’t.” Clint pulled back so he could stare into her eyes, “Not all doctors can agree on a single course of action. You had your reasoning behind your suggestion, and it sounded damn good to me.” she didn’t seem to be listening to his words, “Y/N, you’re a fucking amazing doctor. I’m proof of that. I’m still here, aren’t I? And that’s thanks to you.”

“I don’t know, Clint…”

“Well, I do know.” he insisted.

“Thanks…” she whispered shyly, before hastily wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape from her eyes, “I hope you’re right…”

*****

Much to Clint’s anger, it kept happening more frequently. He watched as her voice got silenced time and time again, how her intellect was downplayed, how her confidence in her abilities was burned to the ground.

“Y/N?” he called yet again; he had been looking for her for the previous half an hour, not having found her in her office or around, “Where are you?”

Another half an hour passed before he finally found her. She was seating on the floor, in the less known part of the Division, probably so she wouldn’t be bothered, as not many people were around there.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” he started, before noticing that she didn’t move an inch, not even when she heard him, “Sweetheart?”

Clint crouched in front of her, placing two fingers below her chin and raising her face so he could look at her. Her cheeks were tear-stained, and her usually bright eyes were red and puffy, with more fresh tears making her way down her face.

She took in a shaky breath as she turned her head to free herself of his grip, “Go away, Clint.”

He knew what she was doing; she was pushing him away because she felt vulnerable, but he wasn’t going to allow her to do that, he wanted to be there, and he sure as hell was going to stay there with her.

“That’s not an option.” he took a seat by her side, “What happened?”

She stayed quiet for several seconds, ignoring his question. Or maybe pondering whether to tell him or not. Either way, Clint felt the need to repeat it. He hated seeing her like that, and he wanted to do everything in his power to make it better for her. Just as he opened his mouth, she beat him to it.

“A patient died. They couldn’t save him.”

Clint shut his eyes and winced, finally understanding. Every death was hard, he knew that, he had dealt with that ugly aspect of being a part of S.H.I.E.L.D., but he had never really stopped to think how it was for a doctor. They knew their patients, they saw everything happening, they had human lives on their hands. Losing them had to be like losing a part of themselves, Clint thought.

“He died of anaphylaxis.” she scoffed as if she couldn’t believe the situation, “He said he was allergic to diclofenac. I tried to suggest the use of a glucocorticoid like beclometasone, but Fowler said to administer instead a combination of indomethacin and ketorolac at the right doses.”

“Sweetheart, I wish I could understand what you’re saying…” he wiped a few tears away delicately and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.

“All of them are NSAIDs.” she explained bitterly, “The patient was allergic to NSAIDs in general, not only diclofenac.”

“But that’s not your fault.”

“I got the injection ready for them to administer it, Clint. I should’ve changed the medications, but I didn’t. And because of that, he died of an anaphylactic shock.”

“You can’t save everyone, Y/N.”

“You know, everybody keeps repeating that to me, ever since medical school; I’ve had enough of that. I have to at least try to save everyone. But here, they’re not even letting me try.” she complained, “I can’t do anything here. I feel so impotent…”

Clint didn’t know what else to say. Probably because he knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better. That situation was hard enough, and it added to the fact that Fowler already had her doubting if she was cut out to be a doctor. So instead of talking, he just held her for what felt like hours, he held her while she sobbed for as long as she needed. He kept whispering sweet nothings and encouraging words in her ear, holding her close to him. When she finally managed to calm herself down, she snuggled even closer to Clint, feeling clingy, but knowing he wouldn’t mind.

“Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me.” Clint said seriously, cupping her cheeks gently, “I know you don’t feel like you’re cut out for this, but you’re so wrong. You always feel the need to justify why you’re here and how you got here, and you don’t have to. You just need to learn how to own up to your talent. You need to see yourself for the doctor you are, not the doctor Fowler is making you out to be.”

“I just…”

“I know it’s gonna be hard.” Clint added, “But please, do it for me. I need you to see yourself the way I see you.”

Y/N nodded timidly, first with hesitation and then more firmly, though before she could say anything, she found herself getting lost in his blue eyes. Words got stuck in her throat as he returned her stare with the same electric energy, looking down from her eyes to her lips and back again. They had no idea who leaned in first, but it was obvious both of them felt the exact same pull towards the other. Y/N felt Clint’s breath over her lips, causing shivers to run down her spine in anticipation. Clint wasn’t as unaffected as he later tried to tell Natasha, feeling goosebumps all over his skin at her closeness. Though, before either of them could make the decisive move, they heard a clattering noise somewhere nearby, causing them to jump apart from each other. Clint groaned in frustration while Y/N smiled with blazing cheeks, chuckling to ease the tension.

“We better get going, before we both get in trouble for not being at work.”

“Technically we’re still at work.” he answered cheekily.

“At work but not working.” Y/N pointed out.

“Fine.” he drawled out dramatically, “Let’s go.”

“Thank you.”

“But first, let’s get some food in you. Doctor’s orders.” he teased.

“You’re not a doctor.” she complained playfully, smacking his arm but still following after him.

*****

Y/N finally snapped a few months later.

It was long overdue, and yet, most of them didn’t see it coming; she had let them walk all over her so much that they never expected her to explode like that. But this time, it was personal.

She was late, which usually wasn’t a big deal for her since her involvement in the medical procedures was limited to whatever her boss wanted at the moment. Though, instead of being welcomed by the usually empty halls, the place was swarmed with people. Frowning, she picked up her pace and followed the sounds until she saw her colleagues arguing with someone else, while the rest of people limited themselves to watch the conflict. As she got closer and made her way through the crowd she noticed it was Natasha. For any stranger, it would’ve looked as if she was keeping her calm, but all of them knew better; she wasn’t yelling but she had that dangerous glint in her eyes.

“Miss Romanoff, with all due respect, you should let the experts make that decision. What you’re asking for, we simply can’t indulge you in that. It wouldn’t be right.”

Their statement showed the truth of the situation; it wasn’t really respect, it was fear. They were afraid of her, and with good reason, but they still didn’t take what she was saying into consideration. Natasha noticed all of that, and she was close to losing it.

“Fowler, I told you. I won’t hand over my best friend unless it is to Doctor Y/L/N, and only her.”

“Then you’re letting your best friend bleed out.”

“What’s going on here?” Y/N asked cautiously, looking between Natasha and her boss.

“Finally.” she muttered.

“Ah, Doctor Y/L/N, nice of you to finally join us.” Fowler scoffed, “Maybe you could deal with Romanoff’s wound while we do the heavy work.”

“Nat, you’re hurt.” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as her eyes posed on her bleeding shoulder, but the redhead stopped her before she could get to her.

“Clint’s worse.” Natasha informed, “He needs you.”

She felt a sickening, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at those words, “Where is he?”

“Still in the Quinjet.”

“What happened?”

“We were ambushed. He got two shots to his abdomen, but they were too deep, so I couldn’t get the bullets out. He’s unconscious, he’s lost a lot of blood. It’s not good, Y/N.”

“Then why the hell hasn’t he been admitted into surgery?!”

“Because it has to be you.” Natasha looked at her seriously, “I only trust you to do it, and Clint asked for you. It has to be you.”

Y/N squared her shoulders, pushing aside her own panic and desperation. For the moment, she needed her focus. Clint couldn’t be her Clint, he had to be just another patient for her to follow through as she needed.

“You.” she pointed to a few nurses who had been watching everything, “Get the operating room and everything else ready.”

“Yes, Doctor Y/L/N.”

“Natasha, bring him in.”

Natasha nodded, smirking arrogantly over at Fowler before leaving to get Clint. Y/N started walking decisively towards the OR, trusting Natasha to bring Clint along soon. The crowd dispersed to let her through, not being used to see her in command. Fowler and a few others followed her.

“I hope you only said that to get rid of her.” Fowler scoffed.

“I didn’t.” she stated firmly.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“You don’t have permission to perform surgery on a high-level agent like Barton.”

“Watch me.” she stopped to look at him defiantly, making him take a step back in surprise, “You heard what Natasha said. It’s a critical condition that requires immediate action, and yet you stood there arguing with her like the five-year old you are, Fowler, when the patient was dying.”

“You’re not operating on Barton, and that’s final.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I haven’t given you the clearance for that, and I won’t do it, so you simply can’t.”

“I don’t need your permission. The patient gave his oral consent, and so did the agent responding for him.”

“You’re not qualified for this.”

“The hell I’m not.” she raised her voice, getting agitated, “Fowler, I’ve had it with you, it’s been enough. I’ve caved in every time you criticize me, I’ve stood back every time you’ve decided something that has been less than ideal for the patient; I even had to watch impotently as a patient died because of your poor decisions. But I’m done with this, I’m done bearing with your stupid ego, thinking that you’re the only one that knows any shit around here, when you don’t. Enough is enough, Fowler. I won’t stand by your incompetence any longer. So either help the nurses prepare the OR or stay out of my way.”

She’d had it. Not only was she tired of everything that had been happening for months, but at that moment, Fowler had struck a nerve: Clint, who was one of the most important people for her. He had overstepped into a sensitive topic. She had seen the way he was with his patients, she wasn’t going to leave Clint in his hands, even if it was the last thing she did at S.H.I.E.L.D. before she got fired.

“A laparotomy is a complicated procedure.” it took him a few moments to overcome the shock of her talking back to him, but after he had recovered, Fowler mocked with a sneer, “And you think you can do it?”

“I know I can.” Y/N replied calmly, “If there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.”

When Natasha finally arrived with Clint, Fowler put a hand on the gurney, effectively stopping it. Nat glared at him, and she was about to knock him off his ass, but Y/N raised a single hand to appease her, silently telling her friend to let her deal with him.

“Just who do you think you are?!” he barked angrily, “I’m only going to say this once, Y/L/N: step out of the way before you inevitably fuck it up and kill Barton.”

“And I’m only going to say this once: no, I’ll conduct this surgery. You’re wasting my time, and precious time for the patient, so make yourself useful and disappear.” she snapped, “I won’t let you operate on him, and if I have a say, on any other patient here.”

“Well, you don’t have a say.”

“We’ll see about that.” she promised dangerously.

“You’ll regret this!”

“I regret letting you get this far.”

“You’ll be out of a job first thing tomorrow morning.” Fowler threatened her, “And you think anyone’s gonna take you any seriously without a recommendation from your previous boss? You’ll be no one.”

“That’s it.” Natasha hissed in outrage.

“You speak as if you were the greatest mentor ever, as if working for you hasn’t been a nightmare. But guess what, Fowler? I don’t need to rely on you or anyone else. I know the doctor I am, and the doctor I can be, and none of them have anything to do with you. So, go ahead, do your worst. I don’t need your approval, and I definitely don’t need your validation. I don’t need a man to help me achieve anything. I know what I can do. I’m amazing, and I should’ve seen it sooner.” Fowler opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to come up with a reply, “So get lost, Fowler. I have a surgical procedure to perform.”

“What’s going on here?” a deeper voice interrupted, and everyone around stepped back out of respect, letting Nick Fury walk forward.

Y/N hadn’t interacted much with Fury, so she bowed her head respectfully and stayed quiet, letting someone else explain the situation but ready to jump at the chance to explain herself in case anyone decided to lie.

However, Natasha trusted Fury enough to let out just about anything that had been said and done, not only that day, but also before. Though, she recognized that roasting had to wait. The vital thing right then was getting Clint into surgery.

“Clint is in a critical condition, and Doctor Fowler here won’t let Doctor Y/L/N operate on him, when Clint clearly asked for her.”

“And you trust her?”

“I do, Nick.” she nodded solemnly, “So does Clint.”

“And can you do it?” he asked Y/N.

“I can.” she replied with certainty, earning a glare from Fowler.

“Then get to it, Doctor.” Fury ordered.

“Yes, sir.”

“Go, I’ll inform him of everything.” Natasha promised.

With a last nod in their direction, Y/N turned and took the gurney with her, taking an unconscious and barely alive Clint towards the operating room the nurses had gotten ready.

*****

The first thing that Clint recognized as he started regaining consciousness was the brightness behind his eyelids. He kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds, not ready for the intense light. Once he did, he blinked several times to get adjusted to his surroundings. He was in what appeared to be an internment room, connected to multiple machines.

“You’re awake, finally.” a voice called, and he chuckled as he noticed his best friend perked on a seat in front of his bed, “About time.”

“How’s your shoulder?” he asked, his throat feeling the soreness of not being used for who knew how long.

“Better than most of your body, I’d say.” she smirked, “You gave us quite the scare.”

“‘Us’?” Clint frowned, and Natasha signalled to his side, prompting him to turn as well.

That’s when he noticed the other person on the room. Y/N was on the other chair, fast asleep, with her hand entwined delicately with his, as if she had been afraid to even touch him.

“She hasn’t left your side.” Natasha informed him, “And not exactly as your doctor.”

“Did she-”

“Perform the surgery? Yes.” she said triumphantly, “You should’ve seen it, it was epic.”

“I should’ve seen it.” he agreed with her.

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Don’t do that to me again.” Natasha smiled at him, “But I think I better leave you two alone.”

As the great spy she was, she slipped out of the room practically without a sound, and just in time for Y/N to stir awake.

“Clint?” she gasped as her brain processed what she was seeing, “You’re awake.”

Y/N hastily turned to check at the screens, to make sure everything was as it should be, eliciting a soft laugh out of him.

“How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Are you comfortable?”

“Doc.” Clint stopped her, “I’m fine, and I learned it was thanks to you.”

“Don’t thank me, you could’ve died.” her expression darkened, “You were on the table for six hours. It was pretty touch and go for a while. I was so scared I was losing you.”

“You’re gonna need more than a couple of bullets to get rid of me.” he promised light-heartedly.

They talked about everything and nothing at all for a while, just sharing and enjoying their time together. Clint couldn’t help but notice just how right it felt. Being with her came easy to him.

“Fury fired Fowler.” she suddenly said, making him perk up in interest.

“Did he now?”

“Fowler kinda jeopardized your life by not letting me do the surgery. All because the patient was too stubborn and expressed that I was the only one to do it.” she teased, smiling at him.

“I wouldn’t say stubborn.” Clint smiled, “At least it worked. I knew you could do it.”

“And that’s how I knew too.” Y/N stated confidently, “Because you believed in me. You’ve always believed in me, even when no one else did, even when I didn’t believe in myself.”

“And I’ll always be around to believe in you, even if I have to remind you any other time.” he promised, entwining her hand with his and pulling her closer to the bed, “But tell me more about how it happened.”

“I gave him a piece of my mind.”

“Did you, now?”

“Yeah.” she breathed out a laugh, “Full theatrics and all, you would’ve been proud. Maybe I overstepped just a little bit, but I can’t find it in me to regret it. And Nat filled Fury in about everything else that had already happened.”

“It was about time you stood up for yourself, Y/N. And for you to truly believe it, only you could do that.”

“And I have to thank you for that.” Y/N nodded, “You helped me realize that I’m not someone’s puppet, that I’m great on my own. Though, I would’ve preferred if you hadn’t put your life on the line for that.”

“I’d say it was worth it.”

“Not to me. I can’t lose you.”

“And you won’t. But please don’t let anyone else walk all over you. You don’t deserve that.”

“I won’t, never again.” she promised, sounding the more confident he had heard her ever since he met her, “I know my worth now.”

At those words, Clint couldn’t contain himself and pulled her towards him, finally crashing his lips to hers. He had been containing himself for months, but now he didn’t see why. Y/N smiled over his lips before returning the gesture and kissing him back just as fervently. Though, she stopped him before they could get carried away.

“You still have stitches, mister.” she scolded him, “I don’t want you to bust them open.”

“I have you to take care of me for that.” Clint joked, earning a roll of her eyes.

“At least buy me a coffee first.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing for months?” he huffed, “Coffee, burgers, sushi. I’ve tried everything.”

“Well, you’re not very good at asking out on an actual date, then.” Y/N remarked, “I would’ve said yes, you know.”

“You would’ve?”

“Yes. If it wasn’t painfully obvious already, I like you, Clint. I’ve had these feelings for you for a while now.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you, Hawk?”

“Because I didn’t think you returned my feelings, woman.”

“Well, I do, and now you know.”

“Is that an insinuation that I have to ask you out?”

“It would be a good start, yes.” then her voice turned shy, uncertain, “If that’s what you want.”

“If that’s what I-” he scoffed, “Of course it’s what I want.”

“Okay.” she smiled widely, taking his hand in hers, loving the feeling of it.

“What happens now?” Clint changed the subject, “Without Fowler around, I mean. I hated the guy and I hated what he put you through, but he was still the head doctor here.”

“I don’t know, I still have to talk to Fury about what’s to come, but for now, I really don’t care about that. I just want to spend some time with you.”

“Aw, you were worried.” he teased.

“And you’re an idiot.” she rolled her eyes, “But I guess you’re my idiot.”

“Always.” Clint grinned before pulling her to him once again.

*****

Tags: @captain-kelli, @until-theend-oftheline, @thinkwritexpress-official, @missflashgeek, @sebbytrash, @captainrogerss, @beccaanne814, @higherfurtherfasterbby, @peculiar-persephone, @avengerofyourheart, @avengersandchill, @avengers-x-reader, @percywinchester27, @buckysberrie, @docharleythegeekqueen, @becs-bunker, @jadalecki-jackles, @scarlettsoldier, @feelmyroarrrr, @hellaqueerangelofthelord, @smoothdogsgirl, @mizzezm, @girl-next-door-writes, @sorenmarie87, @dottirose, @miraclesoflove, @rinthehufflepuff

#captainkelli500fam #clint x reader #clint barton x reader #marvel fic #writing challenge #dani writes

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #347

“lay your head down, child / i won’t let the bogeyman come / count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums”

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Ha, Girt and I have one day when he was hanging out. It was about a vacuum, to be precise. Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No. Do you think it's attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? Yeah. Are you listening to music currently? Yeah, it's this version of Manson's "Lunchbox" that I hadn't heard before. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah, like going on this one ride at a fair. Y'know, the kind that slowly brings you way up and abruptly drops you. What's your relationship to the child you’re around most? They're my nieces and nephew. Have you ever had an illegal substance in your blood stream? No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to your hair? More than once, back when I had long hair, it would get so knotted from neglect that I'd brush out just... giant clumps of hair. The joys of depression, right? It's honestly part of the reason I cut it all off, and it's something I seriously recommend for people who struggle with brushing their hair. What do you think about cats? I adore them. Who do you want with you when you're afraid? Absolutely my mom. Who might as well just be your sibling? Ha, Sara. We're just so remarkably similar, and even when we first met in person, we clicked like it was nothing. Would you ever consider working for the government? No; I'm not working with corrupt, lying motherfuckers. What is the weirdest thing you have ever witnessed a sibling doing? Well, your sister "sleepwalking" or whatever she was actually doing and grabbing a knife she'd hidden under her mattress to creep towards her then-boyfriend was beyond just "weird." Your first best friend's name? Brianna. How do you act when you're uncomfortable? "Anxious, impatient, and fidgety." <<<< Same. It's very obvious I want to get out of the situation. What bug would you like to be extinct? Do wasps do like... anything for the environment? I don't want to give a definite answer here that ends up being ignorant, because I appreciate bugs that are even just a regular food source for more vital creatures like spiders, but I don't know a damn thing wasps do that are beneficial. They just kill bees, from what I know. Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No. Have you ever felt fire? I mean, I've never directly touched fire, no. What would you do if your first love asked you back out? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THIS. Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yeah. What are your thoughts on roleplaying games? I think they're fun. Do you want to have a bachelor/bachelorette party before you get married? So, true story, I don't even know what those entail exactly. But considering how few friends I have, I probably wouldn't. Ever been texted by mistake and played along & acted like you knew them? No. Would you ever get a name tattooed on you? Noooo sir. Do your parents dress like they’re years younger? Does it gross you out? They don't, but it wouldn't gross me out...? They can dress however they damn well please. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Spyro probably top the list. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Just swim, really. I hate warm weather. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? If there's snow, take pictures. If it's just cold, then I like to just stay inside and bundle up in bed. Five songs to describe you? I don't know five, but I know a few I resonate with: "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh then idk. Best way for someone to bond with you? Hm. Probably just like... talk about life, like our stories and things we've been through, both good and bad. Just being mutually vulnerable makes me feel connected to people. I like bonding via music, too, and I find it pretty exciting to share songs and, once again, go deeper and share what they mean to you, etc. etc. In summary, I just like getting to know a person at their core. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Hell if I know. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade, by a landslide. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I relate very deeply to Henry Townshend from SH4 with saying "what the hell?" about literally everything. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I'unno. Character you relate to? Since watching a playthrough of the game the first time, I've related to Max Caulfield from Life is Strange very deeply. An awkward photographer that cares a lot for people. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Grape, usually. Or orange. Favorite potato food? French fries. PC or console gaming? I prefer console games. Writing or drawing? Shit man, why you gotta make me choose? I feel much more satisfaction after drawing something I'm proud of, but I write way more. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally none. Do you get motion sickness? No. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you ever bailed a friend out of jail? No. Have you ever won anything from a radio station? No. What do you do when you go to the beach? Swim for a while and then sit under the tent or whatever we brought and think about how ready I am to go home and get out of the heat. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. Do you like pickles? Yeah. Do you like camping? I've never been *legit* camping; Dad would just sometimes set up the tent in the yard and he and my sisters and I would sleep out there. I LOVED that as a kiddo. I think I'd enjoy like, one night of actual camping, so long as I have my camera and phone. My technology dependence would probably get me by Day #2, lol. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No, and I don't plan to. Wrecking in one of those can fuck you the hell up. Even with a helmet, just honestly, it seems... pretty stupid to put yourself at THAT incredible a risk. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No. Were you ever sent to the principal’s office as a kid? I don't think so... but maybe once? I have this super faint memory of being in the office, but maybe I was bringing them something from my teacher? That sounds about right. Have you ever used a slingshot? No. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. Do you live in an area that is prone to tornadoes? They happen here, but I wouldn't say we're "prone" to them. We get tornado watches/warnings a lot when we have summer storms, but it's seldom they actually occur, and it's even rarer for them to be noteworthy at all. What breed was the last dog you saw? One of our neighbors has a German Shepherd she walks a lot. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say around or over 20 years? I don't know. What 5 words best describe your mother’s personality? Loving, welcoming, resilient, selfless, and strong. Do you know any transgender people? Yes. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. In the morning, do you eat breakfast first or brush your teeth first? I eat first. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? A number of things, but my weight's the real problem right now. All the weight loss progress I once made has almost been entirely erased... and I'm extremely, extremely upset about it. I'd rather move onto the next question than elaborate on this bullshit. Do you carry condoms? No, I don't have a reason to. Would you date someone with braces? Yes. Do you think people look up to you? God no. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Pretty much every night. Any vacations planned? No. We've never been able to afford vacations. Who were you last in a car with? My mom. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? Yeah. My older sister was ooooobsessed. She even had the little toy wand and would dance to the theme when it came on. What do you want for Christmas? Well, it's rather early to think of that, but if I had to pull out an answer right now, it'd probably be either Venus' new terrarium (if I don't already have it) or supplies for it. If by some miracle I've been able to get everything I wanted for it by then, I would seriously love a hognose snake. If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I've worn glasses for many years, and I can live with it. I'd prefer contacts so I can get an undereye dermal piercing, but they're just too tedious for me. Best party you’ve ever been to? Maybe a big party my friend Summer had for one of her birthdays many years ago. We played lots of games like darts and stuff while listening to good music and just hanging out. Have you ever been surfing? I have not. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink. Chocolate or strawberry milk? Chocolate, for sure. I hate strawberry milk. Are you subscribed to a lot of channels on YouTube? Oh yes. Do you wish you had a better phone? Yeah. I mean, my phone is fine, but I particularly dislike the poor camera quality. Do you find texting fun? I'm officially becoming an old woman in that I don't really like texting anymore, but only because I make way too many typos. I would much rather type via an actual keyboard. Do you have any friends who have had twins? No. Do you have any past mistakes you’ve made that haunt you every day? Yes. Seriously. Are you bothered by something someone said to you years ago? Things especially Bryar and Colleen have said to me are probably going to die with me.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''pet'' by a perfect circle

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kooks3uphoria · 4 years

Text

A/N: I’m gonna be honest and say that it’s been a hard week and I wrote this for the sake of putting something out for you guys. I don’t really have a title for it. The plot is kinda non-existent and I don’t really know where I was going with this. I have a list of ideas that i want to write about but I’m not really getting any feedback which obviously isn’t required or anything but I just don’t know if you guys are enjoying what I put out and it’s kinda making me lose the want to write.

Anyways, Jungkook is kinda shy in this? Gets a little bold at the end but goes back to being a soft baby. I don’t really have a description cause I don’t know how to summarize whats going on. This wont be going on my masterlist until i figure out what to call it but I hope you enjoy!

You weren’t necessarily someone who looked for trouble but it always managed to find you. Whether it’s in the form of a fight or just sticking up for the people you care for, you were always the winner in those scenarios. This led to the label of “bad girl” being slapped on your forehead and is now what you’re known as in college. Almost everyone at your college knew about you and were warned not to get on your bad side. All the stories circling around campus along with your resting bitch face made it easy to believe. Only a selected few knew about what happened the night you were officially deemed a certified bad bitch but everyone else knew from past or more recent stories.

Out of all of the stories you and your friends have heard, the most popular one by far was the one where you snatched a girls weave off during a fight and proceeded to bash her bare head in outside a club. the problem with that is that it was the only part of the story that everyone talked about. If people knew what happened prior to you beating her ass into a bloody pulp, they would’ve thought it was standing in your friend’s defence which turned physical. It wasn’t your fault she was basically trying to sexually assault one of your best friends.

The night started off fine. You went out to drink with a couple of friends. You, Lisa, Rosé, Wendy, Hoseok and Jimin were all seated at the bar. You were all laughing and chatting until this girl came up to Hoseok. She got really touchy with him while they started talking. Hoseok was too nice for his own good and couldn’t outright tell her to stop when he started feeling uncomfortable. He was trying to subtly push her hands away but this girl just couldn’t take the hint. It was when her hands dipped down and rested on top of his crotch that he started looking around desperately. Luckily for him, you were watching the whole time, not getting a good vibe from this girl the moment she walked over. When he looked over at you, you were already looking at him and the panic that shined in his eyes was your cue to step in.

Things got physical fast and the whole beating her head thing occurred after the two of you shared a couple of colourful words. Both Jimin and Hoseok managed to pull you off of her before you all left her. Videos were recorded and shared but other than that nothing happened since it was considered another catfight.

While most of the other stories were tamer than this one, it didn’t stop you from getting scared looks from the girls and heart eyes from the guys. To put it simply, the girls were scared of you and the guys wanted a bad bitch on their arms to flaunt. You couldn’t care less about them. You were just trying to get to your 8 am class without actually giving in to the idea of dropping out. Not that you were a bad student or anything but these professors started getting on your nerves.

You walked through the door and took a seat closer to the back of the lecture hall. You were sipping your coffee with your eyes closed when you felt someone sit down beside you. You opened one of your eyes to see that Jimin was the person who occupied the seat next to you.

“Are you coming to the game with us tonight?” Jimin asked, motioning toward Lisa and Wendy.

“I mean like, I guess I’ll go. Hoseok already asked me to go to the last couple of games he had and I didn’t show cause I was binging Greys Anatomy so I guess I have to go,” you said, throwing your head back at the thought of having to go out tonight.

“Well, Yoongi is the captain of the team so I have to go to support and these two want to go just to look at the other guys on the team so,” Jimin said, trailing off at the end. You let out a little scoff.

“Wow, when did you start dating again? Like last week? And already going to his games? Jimin’s whipped!” you said loudly so that others around you could hear. This earned you a smack on the arm by Jimin, a couple of eyes looking over to the two of you and chuckles from both Lisa and Wendy. Just as Jimin was about to retaliate, the professor walked in and the sound of her painfully monotoned voice reverberated through the room.

It was currently 5:30 pm and the game starts at six. You were definitely going to be late but better late than never. You put on an oversized hoodie and a pair of black skinny jeans before throwing some slides on and walking out the door with your phone and keys in your hand. If you took the bus, you could get there in 15 minutes but just like any other college student, you were broke and walked to save a couple of dollars for your next meal. You got there a little after six and found your friends quickly since they were the loudest ones there and were seated in the very front.

You took a seat next to Rosé and took your phone out. You were going to start scrolling through your Instagram feed but the crowd suddenly went crazy. You looked up and saw Hoseok hanging off the rim of the net. Your eyes widened at the realization of what just happened. Putting your phone back into your pocket, you stood up and joined your friends cheering. You felt a pair of eyes on you and your eyes scanned the bleachers before scanning the court. You eventually locked eyes with the point guard, who shyly looked away after getting caught. You don’t know why but you felt a little tingle of sorts in your stomach and couldn’t figure out what it was.

Once the game was over, you and your friends waited by their locker rooms for them to come out. For some reason, the whole team came out at the same time. Usually, they would trickle out one by one so you were surprised when all 14 of them walked out the door. When hoseok walked out the door, his eyes lit up when he saw you. You made your way through the people and threw your hands up for a hug.

“Who knew little Hobi could be so good at ball? You’ve gotten better since the last time I saw you play,” you cooed, pinching his cheek. He scoffed and pushed your hand away.

“Yea, that’s because the last time you saw me play was like the first game of the season,” you shrugged at his words as the others came over to congratulate Hoseok.

You separated yourself from the group and pulled out your phone. Before you could turn it on, you felt someone’s presence nearing you. You looked up to find the little doe-eyed point guard making his way towards you. The tingles in your stomach returned and a smile made its way on your face. You barely even know this kid so why is he able to make you feel this way? From the brief stories Hoseok told you, occasionally seeing him on campus and in some of your classes, you knew of him but never spoke.

“Hey,” he greeted you. Even though he was on the basketball team he didn’t carry the same cocky attitude some of the other players sported.

“Hey,” You said, tucking some of your hair behind your ear.

“It’s really nice that you came out to support Hoseok hyung today. He played a lot better today, probably cause his girlfriend came,” He said chuckling. Your eyes widened at his words.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” You said way faster and louder than you wanted to. This earned you a couple of weird looks from your friends and some of the members of the team.

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume but the hug you gave him when he came out and you pinching his cheek like that, it...it just kinda made me think that you were together since-,” you chuckled at his rambling. You could see the panic in his eyes.

“You don’t have to explain. He’s one of my closest friends but we aren’t like that. I just tease him like that,” you cut him off. Jungkook was about to say something but was cut off once again, this time by Hoseok who threw his arm over his shoulder.

“Jungkook, I see you’ve met (Y/N). She’s kind of stupid so I wouldn’t recommend hanging out with her for long periods of time just in case she kills your brain cells-” Hoseok rambling was cut short by a smack at the side of his head, courtesy of you. You were now in a glaring match with Hoseok. Your attention was quickly drawn away from said man when you heard the most heavenly sound. Your eyes softened at the sight of Jungkook letting out little giggles at you two.

“Well anyways, me and (Y/N) have to go since she promised me ice cream after the game,”

“I never promised you shi-”

“Jungkook, would you like to come,” well, that shut you up. You both looked at said man, waiting for an answer. Jungkook smiled softly at you before answering.

“I would love to,” you felt your lips curling up in a smile.

“But my grandmother is actually in the hospital right now and I promised I would visit her today,” your smile dropped at the fact that he couldn’t come with you but your heart warmed at how sweet he was.

“Oh, sorry to hear that. Is she alright?” you asked. As bad as it sounds, if it was anyone else, you wouldn’t care enough to ask.

“She’s fine. She had a minor surgery earlier this week but she isn’t allowed to leave until a couple of days from now,” Jungkook said scratching the back of his neck. Usually, you were very good at keeping your emotions to yourself and keeping your poker face on at all times but right now, anyone could clearly see how soft you were turning for this boy.

“Hope she has a smooth recovery dude, but we should get going,” Hoseok said, now throwing his arm over your shoulder.

“Oh yeah, of course. Sorry again for not being able to join you guys,”

“Don’t worry about it. Next time, yeah?” You said to which he nodded back. You all said your goodbyes and went your separate ways. You friends left together and Jimin left with his new boyfriend, which left you and Hoseok to go and get ice cream by yourselves.

“Jungkookie huh?” Hoseok said, smirk on his face, not even looking at you. You scoffed.

“What about him?” you said, down at the flavours on display.

“Come on (Y/N), we’ve been friends for how long? I think I know when my best friend likes someone,”

“How could I possibly like him? This was the first time I’ve talked to him,” you don’t know why you’re getting so defensive all of a sudden but the idea of Jungkook made your stomach churn.

“A lot can happen when you first talk to someone. Don’t deny it. There’s no use. I see right through you,” before you could say anything, the worker behind the counter asked for your orders.

You couldn’t sleep well that night. Hoseok’s words ringing through your head.

~~~~

The next day, you woke up with a pounding headache. Was it the fact that you only got 3 hours of sleep? Possibly. Was it the fact that you went to sleep with wet hair? Doubt it but whatever. You rolled out of bed and got ready for your 10 am lecture. You walked into Starbucks for your regular order of overpriced caffeine. What you weren’t expecting this morning was to run into Jungkook. He saw you walk in and your eyes went from barely opened to wide and alert. There was a person between the two of you in line but Jungkook let him cut in front of him so he would stand beside you.

“Hey! How are you?” he asked sweetly. You returned his smile.

“Could be better. My head is pounding,” you said, letting your eyes fall closed for a second. When your eyes reopened it was met with a concerned-looking Jungkook.

“Do you want some medicine? I think I have some Advil in my bag,” he said. Not waiting for a reply, he swung his bag over to his front and began looking through it. He pulled out a small bottle of pills and handed it to you.

“Thank you Jungkook, but I don’t have any water or anything,” you said letting out a little chuckle, scratching the back of your head. He nodded before rummaging through his bag again, this time pulling out a plastic water bottle, opening it and then handing it too you. You smiled at him and quickly downed two pills. Once you were done, it was your turn to order. Jungkook ordered an iced caramel macchiato while you ordered an iced vanilla latte. Jungkook looked through his bag for his wallet to pay but you beat him to it, paying with the card you connected to your phone. The girl handed you a receipt and you grabbed Jungkooks arm, pulling him out of the way.

“You didn’t have to pay for me,” he said with a little pout on his lips since you wasted your money on him.

“Don’t worry about it. Think of it as a thank you for the Advil,” you said smiling at him. He seemed reluctant at first but said his thanks anyways. You got your drinks and began walking towards the lecture hall. The both of you talked the whole journey there and you were a little sad when he walked in the other direction towards the rooms his lecture was in. You sighed but walked into your lecture.

Halfway through your lecture, your phone vibrated against your thigh. You took it out of your pocket and saw it was an unknown number.

647-***-****

Hey

It’s Jungkook

I asked Hobi hyung for your number

I hope you don’t mind

You quickly saved his contact and texted him for the remainder of the lesson. Rosé tried looking over your shoulder a couple of times but you always leaned away when she did. It’s not like you were doing anything wrong by texting him. You just didn’t need your friends in your business right now. Once they know, the teasing would never stop.

~~~~

You and Jungkook ended up hanging out a lot throughout the month. By the end of the first week, you guys made it a habit to meet at Starbucks and walk together.

It was currently Saturday and you and Jungkook decided to meet at the Starbucks and get some work done down there. You were sitting at opposite sides of the table sipping your coffee and finishing some work when Jungkook decided to speak.

“You know, you’re nothing like how they describe you,” You roll your eyes at his statement.

“What did you think I was going to be like?” you asked, shutting your laptop.

“Well, after everything I’ve heard, I thought you were going to be cold. I was honestly reluctant to speak to you the day of the game,” he said chuckling.

“Everything they say about me is taken out of context. They never know what happens before or after the situation. They only care that I’ve gotten into some pretty nasty fights,” he proceeded to name some of the stories that he’s heard, which you cleared up, explaining what led to them.

“How about the time you got into it with Sana?” You laughed at the memory.

“That one doesn’t have a story. To be honest, she just really annoyed me and something she said that day ticked me off,” Jungkook chuckled at your honesty. You really didn’t want to listen to Hoseok but maybe you did like Jungkook. Gosh, it’s barely been a month and you think you like this guy. What has happened to you? You literally haven’t taken interest in anyone after your sophomore year in high school.

Eventually, you and Jungkook parted ways and you made your way back to your apartment. When you unlocked the door, you weren’t that surprised to see Hoseok lounging on your couch with a bowl of popcorn in his lap. He looked at you when he heard the door opening and waved you over. You sat down beside him and grabbed some popcorn, looking over at the T.V to see what he was watching. I

“Where were you?” he asked, pausing the movie.

“I was at Starbucks with Jungkook,” he smirked at you, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way. You gave him a little shove as your cheeks flushed with pink.

“I might actually like him Hoseok. What do I do?” you groaned out. Hoseok looks at you with wide eyes. He teased you for liking him but he didn’t think you would actually admit it. After what happened to you during your sophomore year, he really didn’t think that you would ever date again. You spent a whole 2 weeks crying to him after that breakup. You’ve sworn off boys ever since. It was a scary topic for you. You were hurt so badly by what happened. It felt like someone ripped your heart out of your chest and stomped on it.

The more you thought about your feelings, the more anxious you got. Eventually, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You felt tears prickling at your eyes, threatening to fall. Hoseok saw and set the popcorn on the table before wrapping his arms around you. His cheek rested on the top of your head as you cried.

“Look, I know Jungkook alright. Even though he hasn’t said anything, I know he likes you. I see the way he looks at you when you briefly visit us during our practices. He wouldn’t do what that dumbass did to you all those years back. Don’t cry, baby. You’ll be fine. I’ll be with you through everything and if he does anything, I’ll rip his balls off myself,” his words calmed you. You couldn’t help but chuckle at his empty threat. What would you do without Hoseok?

~~~~

You found yourself sitting across from Jungkook once again today. You guys made it a weekly thing now. A couple of months have passed and although you don’t know if Jungkook feels the same, you’ve been falling deeper and deeper into this hole of feelings for the guy. Hoseok always said it was obvious how much he likes you but you didn’t want to get your hopes up too high.

You were writing down some notes when you felt a pair of eyes on you. You looked up and saw that Jungkook was staring at you. On normal days, he would immediately look away, but today, he kept eye contact with you. Before he could stop himself, the words fell from his lips.

“How are you so beautiful?” when he processed what he said, his eyes went wide and he looked away. You felt your cheeks heating up at his words and your hand came up to your face to try and cool it down. You didn’t look back up yet but you heard Jungkook mutter out a little ‘fuck it’.

“(Y/N),” you looked up as he called your name. He hesitated for a second before saying,

“I know we haven’t known each other for long but I really like you,” he said in one breathe. Your breath hitched. You sat there staring at him for a while. The silence he was met with was killing him. He did it. He ruined your blossoming friendship. He started frantically packing his things, trying to save himself the humiliation when you finally grew some balls and spoke.

“I really like you to Jungkook,” you said, giving him a small smile. His movements halted and he looked at you with wide eyes.

“Please let me take you out on a proper date,”

“I would love that,” you honestly don’t think you’ve ever smiled so big in your life.

~~~~~

All that could be heard through the apartment was squealing, mostly coming from Hoseok and Lisa. Jimin rosé and Wendy were silently jumping up and down at your news.

“So where are you guys going? What’s the vibe we’re going for? Sluty or casual? Are we trying to seduce him or?” Wendy asked. She was about to continue but was cut off by rosé.

“She’s going on a date, not to a club you idiot. She has to look nice but not like she put in hours of work into herself. We have to wait until at least the third date to seduce him,” the three girls dragged you to your room.

While rosé was picking out what you were going to wear for the night, Wendy worked on your makeup and Lisa was figuring out what to do with your hair.

You walked out of your room about an hour later and saw jimin and hoseok laid out on your couch, phones in hand. Lisa coughed from behind you and both their heads shot up.

“Wow, who’s this gorgeous little lady?” Jimin said, getting up to grab your hand and spinning you.

You were wearing some skinny jeans with a black tube top and Lisa’s jean jacket you stole from her a couple of months ago. It wasn’t anything special but you also didn’t sport your usual bum look. Your hair was slightly curled and you had very natural makeup on. Hoseok didn’t have time to compliment you as you heard a knock on the door. Hoseok walked you to the door while the others hid in your living room. You opened the door as Hoseok stood behind you.

The door swung open and there jungkook stood in all his glory. He was wearing black jeans, a white shirt with a leather jacket on top. It was simple but he looked so good. The both of you stood there for a while just looking at each other before Hoseok broke the silence.

“Have her back by 10:30. No later or I will hunt you down Jeon. Have fun sweets,” with his final words, hoseok shoves you out the door and slammed the door in your face.

“You look great,” he said shyly.

“You do too,” offering him a smile, you held out your hand. He quickly grabbed hold of it and laced your fingers together.

He ended up bringing you to the movies. He bought tickets to the newest marvel movie that came out. You didn’t have a problem with it since you wanted to see it too. You tried paying for the snacks since he paid for the tickets but he didn’t let you. Saying and I quote, “Can’t let the lady pay on the first date. That’s rude and I’m a gentleman” you rolled your eyes at his statement but just went with it. The movie was good. You and Jungkook share little whispers and giggles throughout the movie. You were honestly surprised you guys didn’t get shushed.

When you came out, the both of you flinched at the light coming from the street lamps. Your hands never left each other’s for long. Jungkook insisted on walking you back home and on your way, you guys passed an ice cream shop. You ended up dragging him in with you. You managed to convince him to let you pay for it and you guys walked out hand in hand and cones in the other. You ended up going for a stroll in the local park.

“You wanna try some of mine?” You asked, seeing him eye your cone. His eyes brightened and he nodded enthusiastically. Chuckling, you brought your cone up to his mouth and he slurped obnoxiously at the ice cream. You rolled your eyes before bringing it back and licking it to fix the now deformed part of the ice cream. Finishing your ice cream, you somehow ended up in a game of tag with Jungkook. The both of you running around the open space like children. You were running at full speed, not looking back but jungkook was right on your tail. Grabbing a hold of your waist he pulled you back, towards him. You lost your footing and felt yourself falling. You closed your eyes preparing for the impact but it never came. You opened your eyes and saw jungkook looking down at you with his little bunny smile on his face. Your arms made their way up his chest and around his neck as he pulled you up, his hands remaining on your waist.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, looking right into your eyes. Not being able to form words, you nodded and before you knew it, his lips were on yours. His lips were soft and sweet with the remaining flavour of his ice cream. You pulled him closer, before pulling away for air. Looking into his eyes made you nervous so you rested your forehead on his chest. You felt the vibrations in his chest as he chuckled. He wrapped his arms around you and the two of you stayed like that for a while, just basking in each other’s company.

You walked back to your apartment hand in hand, with the biggest smiles on both your faces. When you made it to your apartment complex, the two of you stopped outside the lobby.

“Thank you jungkook. For everything. I had a lot of fun,” you said, standing in front of him. His hands slid out of yours and settled on the dip of your waist, pulling you in for a hug.

“Is this a bad time to ask if you want to be my girlfriend?” You blush at his words, shaking your head against his chest. He pulled away from you and grabbed both of your hands in his.

“Give me the pleasure of calling you mine?” The blush never left your cheeks as you nodded. Jungkook walked you up to your unit and before you could even pull out your keys, your door swung open all of your friends standing in the doorway.

“You’re very late,” Hoseok said.

“We were worried sick!” Jimin called from behind the crowd. You pulled out your phone and looked at the time.

“It’s 10:37 you pieces of shit,”

“Still! I said 10:30!” You were going to smack Hoseok.

“Sorry hyung. It was my fault,” jungkook said even though he did nothing wrong and your friends were just stupid.

“Damn right it’s your fault. I was about to call the police!” Lisa called out. You rolled your eyes. You felt yourself getting spun around and were face to face with jungkook again.

“Sorry I got you home late babe. I’m gonna go before Hoseok hyung actually beats me up,” he said chuckling, leaning down to peck your lips before waving to your friends and turning on his heel, walking towards the elevator. You waited for him to walk into the elevator before turning around. All your friends stood there, jaw dropped.

“Go inside you idiots,” you said, pushing them all inside. You spent the night telling them all the details of your date. Squeals were bouncing off your walls all night, you were surprised you didn’t get any complaints. They all left your place around 3 in the morning giving you time to wash up and go to bed.

The next day, you got up and got ready for your 10 am lecture. You walked out of your apartment with sweats and a sweater on. Your hair was in a messy bun and your bag slung over your shoulder. You were rubbing your eyes as you walked out the lobby.

“Wow (Y/N), is this how you treat your boyfriend?” You stopped in your tracks. Your head whipped around and you were met with jungkook staring back at you with amusement in his eyes. He walked up to your shocked form and grabbed your hand.

“Come on babe, we don’t want to be late,” he said, dragging you out the door. You and Jungkook walked together all the time but this was the first time you walked in hand in hand. You got looks from everyone. Some looked at the two of you in jealousy and others in shock. Jungkook gave you a little peck before you parted ways.

~~~~~

“My game is tomorrow night. You’re coming right?” Jungkook said, looking down at you as the two of you cuddled on your couch.

“Of course. I’ll be right at the front so you better do good,” you said, poking his cheek. He gave you a little chuckle before you two focused back on the movie that was playing on the T.V.

You looked up at jungkook, admiring his profile. You don’t remember the last time you were so happy with someone. Jungkook made you feel like yourself. He made you feel like you were floating on a cloud. You have been dating for a little over a week and it has been the best week you’ve had in a while. You don’t need any more time to know that you’re utterly in love with this man.

~~~~

It was the night of the game and you actually got there early. You walked through the big gym doors and saw the boys practicing. They waved as they saw you. Jungkook ran over to give you a quick peck before going back to practice. Hoseok looked at you in bewilderment since you were one of the first people to get there. Your eyes followed Jungkook as he ran around, doing drills to prepare for the game for a while before you pulled out your phone. The rest of your friends eventually made their way into the gym and sat in the seats you saved for them.

“Look who’s here early. What did you say the other day about someone being whipped?” Jimin teased to which you rolled your eyes. You would retaliate but there was nothing to deny. You were whipped for this guy and you couldn’t say anything about it.

The game went smoothly and your boys won. You all decided to go out for dinner as a celebration for winning. You were sat in between jungkook and jimin at the Korean BBQ place you guys went to. Even though you were fully capable of grilling your own meat, jungkook insisted he do it and he ended up piling towers of meat onto your plate. You all had a great time but you were beginning to get annoyed at these girls sitting a couple of tables down from you. They were loud and obnoxious but the reason they were really beginning to piss you off was because one of the girls sitting there was eyeing up your boyfriend. You were going to get up and say something but Both Jungkook and Jimin told you to just ignore it.

Once all of you were done, you paid and left. The bunch of you were talking and joking around in front of the Korean BBQ place when the group of girls that annoyed you walked out. You were to busy laughing at something Hoseok said you didn’t realize the girl that had been eyeing Jungkook the whole night made her way over to him. Your laugh died down at the sight of this bitch sliding her hand down the length of Jungkook's arm. You stood there for a second, the anger building as Jungkokk did nothing to stop her. When you saw her place her hand on his chest, giggling at something he said, your body moved on it’s own and you walked over there, placing yourself in between the two.

“Someone should really teach you how to keep your hands to yourself and off my boyfriend” you said, grabbing her wrist and throwing her hand off your man.

“You’re his girlfriend? Pft. He could do better,” you couldn’t even describe how close you were to swinging at her.

“Call me when you’re ready for a good time sweets,” she said, using her hand to signal a phone. She gave him a wink before turning around. Your body moved fast and before you could stop yourself, your hand was gripping her hair and yanking down, making her fall to the ground. People around you have stopped to watch the scene play out. She was sat on the floor, hands grabbing at the hand that still securely held on to her hair.

“Say that shit again bitch. See what happens,” your grip only tightened as she screamed out in pain.

“Let go you crazy bitch!” This would’ve been bashing a bitches head in 2.0 if it weren’t for Jungkook snaking his arm around your waist, calming you down. You eventually let go and her friends helped her up before they all ran off. You let out a sigh and blew your hair out of your face. Jungkook turned you around so you were now face to face with him. He was sporting a little smirk on his face.

“Damn, was my baby girl jealous?” You scoffed at him.

“Wouldn’t need to be if you didn’t let her feel you up like that,” you were honestly over it and pushed yourself out of his grip, proceeding to walk back to your apartment. So much for having a good night.

~~~

You didn’t go to class the next day. You didn’t want to see him. You know it was childish. Skipping classes to avoid a boy but you felt a little bit of your heart crumble last night. Especially when he didn’t bother coming after you.

You were chilling in your room the whole day, only coming out to get food. It was about 5 pm when you heard a knock at the door. You didn’t invite anyone over and you didn’t order any food so who was it? You tiptoed to the door in case it was jungkook. If it was then you could just tiptoe back to your room and act as if you weren’t home. At the sight of his face through the peephole, you were about to do just that but looking down at the flowers in his hands made your heart melt. Even though you felt soft at how cute he was, you willed yourself to put on a mad face as you open the door. You were easy to crack though. His little smile as he held out the flowers for you to take broke you.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry I let her do that. I should’ve shoved her off right when she started. I’m terrible and I feel gross letting her touch me like that. Will you forgive me?” His smile dropped as a look of disappointment appeared in his face. You hate how this man is able to break down your walls so easily. You were supposed to be mad! How did he make you feel bad about this? His expression made your heart hurt.

You walked out and slid your arms around his torso, resting your head on his chest. He let out a sigh before you felt him wrap his arms around you and his head rest against yours.

“I guess I’ll forgive you. But you have to cuddle me tonight. All night. That’s your punishment,” he chuckled at your words.

“Jokes on your babe. I was planning to do that anyways,”

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