#when its real. and comes into play. im not going to survive

[phemiec]

A Mouthwashing (and How Fish is Made) fansong, unfortunately from Jimmy’s POV mostly, sorry. 🐴 Music and lyrics by me, PhemieC

NOTE: this is my first fansong in five years, and sad to say but my voice has been decimated by illness in the last few years, so please don’t go into this expecting it to sound the same as my old stuff.

That being said, I have released an instrumental version, and I would LOVE to hear covers from other vocalists! Feel free to post and sell if you make a cover as well. <3

LYRICS UNDER CUT

[verse 1] Momma bird sleeping and her nest is empty Pretty and clean I feel the crease of envy Cutting a line right through the sky above me Healthy and green just like a good tree should be Momma bird leaving now her eggs are lonely Out from the underbrush I creep so slowly I’ll lay my own, her home is sound and safe, he’s Grey like a stone among her round blue babies She’ll never tell if she’s a few shells lighter Quick cracking clever comes my little fighter  Babes that feel safer they hatch so much slower Thrown down below then by my own fast grower Momma returns to feed her only child he Smells like a stranger and he cries so loudly Drinks of his fill while I look up on proudly Picking away at the discarded bounty 

[chorus] What hides inside has the skill to thrive Do you have the will to decide to survive? A parasite needs you alive To feed their growing appetite 

[verse 2] Thing crawling thirsty, shared flesh, a blessing Drink of my stagnancy, the taste refreshing Carry a part of me and keep on climbing  Top of the ladder’s just a place for dying Dread in your gullet, ignore it, buddy Lead in the bullet, it’s harmless, mostly Let me consume you, let you defend me Curling protector, my friendly fresh meat Im in control now and I like the feeling I’ll play the role of every wound you’re healing Follow the leader was always my thing Swallow your pills and lay still, unwrithing Master of puppets is my one objective Real apex predators can be selective Relay your message, it won’t stop the spread if I replace your tongue when I open your head up

[chorus] What hides inside has the skill to thrive Do you have the will to decide to survive? A parasite keeps you alive To feed their growing appetite 

[verse 3] My stress relief, she keeps asking questions I can’t believe she thinks I’ll learn her lesson Nothing outside of me will ever get in No mocking birdie with an unblinking grin Four beating hooves, I hate to hear them thunder Trample the metal tomb I’m buried under braying beast, neighing in the womb inside her Breaking its legs to glue you back together

[chorus] What hides inside has the skill to thrive Do you have the will to decide to survive? A parasite needs you alive To feed their growing appetite…

[miyakiwiii]

GUESS NO ONE EVER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO BE A REAL MAN...。o○ [1]

-KANG DAE HO X FEM!READER

WOOOO SECOND DAE HO FIC OF MINEEE(ilhsm) HOPE U ENJOY!

TAGS

Reader and dae ho are both in squid game... uh no warnings except swearing and player EUGH 100

NOTE:

This is really long, since i made this while rewatching squid game s2 lmao. Also your kinda like sae-byeok but more chalant also this is really longU^ェ^U (did not expect this to turn into a series)

WORD COUNT:2,15k!

NEXT PART..

MASTERLIST

The debt was passed to you when eventually one of your only remaining family members were missing.

It was always because that family member always had to go to loan sharks, to get money, and to use for what? The common answer: Gambling.

The debt that was passed to you was... 320 million won.

Your dad, when he was alive.. you were inspired by him, after all, he was in the ROK Airforce before.

You wanted to be like him, but he didnt want that for you, you were his precious jewel.

"Pa! I wanna be like you when i grow up! All strong!" Younger you said as you flexed your tiny arms, flashing a big grin. Your father chuckles as he puts a hand in your head and starts patting you, messing up your dolled up hair.

"Now now kiddo, Being one of us is really difficult, i dont want my sweetie to be hurt." He says, kneeling down to face you as you pouted.

"Nuh uh! Im still going to become an air enforcer like you!" You said as you crossed your arms.

"Im warning you kiddo." He stops kneeling down.

Well, that dream never came true.

Sitting in one of the benches, it was dark. Now why would a woman stand in the dark all by herself? Isnt that dangerous?

Not at all for you- okay that was cringe.

You fought for yourself always, learning to survive and such.

"Need to go home now.." you sigh, standing up from the bench and fixing your jacket, putting your hands in the pocket, whew it sure is chilly.

"Now now... whats a pretty girl like you doing all alone in the dark?" A creep asks, you could tell it wants something for you, so you kept walking, fastening your steps even more.

"He-Hey! I was talking to you! Come back here!" The creep yelled out.

"Get the fuck away from me." You said, the man finally quiet down and just stood there, watching you walk, and dissapear in the distance.

Finally, arrived to your home... or small apartment, you searched for the keys in one of the pockets you put your hands on, now holding onto the small key, you took it out of your pockets and opened the door.

DAY 2.

You went into the subway for absoulutely no reason at all, going down the stairs on the subway station's tunnel entrance, now sitting in one of the chairs to relax,you saw a... man in a suit, smiling weirdly with a briefcase approaching you, Guess he was a scammer?

The man smiles at you and sits beside you at the bench.

"Hello maam, may i talk to you?" He says, looking at you strangely.

You ignore him and just look at the ground of the subway station.

"Would you like to play a game with me?" He says, looking at you, eugh that stare kinda creeps you out(ik some of yall be simping)

"Eh... who even are you to begin with? Some kind of buisness man exactly?" You say, looking at the man.

You find him, his suitcase opened, finding a red and blue folded paper, along with... won.

He holds out both of the folded paper, and asks. "So, which color do you want to play as?" He says.

"...Blue." You say.

A FEW ROUNDS LATER.

He had explained the round, basically, the two of his slaps were decreasing of the 100k won, but instead, we pay with our... body? That sounds like prostitution but its done anyways.

He looks at you as you stood silent, looking at the man.

"Here's your won." The man says, the man's slap still aching.

"You can make money after playing game's like this do you know that miss?" He says, as you held the money.

"Would you like to try it out?" He said, the hint of mischieoveness achived in his voice.

You thinked, looked at the man. "Huh? Are you trying to fool me sir?" You say monotonely.

"Miss [Reader]." He said as he stood up. You went quiet as you looked at him, how did he know your name?

After that, he said everything, every information you had, school, work- whatever else, even your fathers name.

"As now, one of your family members passed a debt to you about.. 230 million won due to loan sharks."

"Wha- what are you..?" You said, looking at him terrified.

He pulls out a card from his coat pocket, holding it out to show to you.

"We have many spots left." He says, you took the card fastly from his hand, basically snatching it.

"Give me a call." He says as he walked away, you were left there, standing.

DAY 3.

You wake up, in a strange place. Looking around, you held your head as you sighed. Rubbing your temples.

"Fucking hell... my head hurts. You sat up, and took off the duvet that was covering you. Realizing that you had new clothes, you decided to unzip the zipper of the greenish blue jacket, you saw that something was written on your shirt.

238.

"What the... fuck." You stood up and went to the center, as someone accidentally bumped into you.

"Hey-! Watch where your going!" You say, the music that was coming from the speakers finally stopped as the man spoke to you "You watch ou- oh.. i apologize miss."

"Yeah, you better." You said, looking at the man.

You observed the man as you saw that he had a hair length that was reaching his neck a little bit, he had a strong jawline, and a part of his hair was tied to the back, he kinda looked cute whatsoever, but you didnt pay mind to that.

You looked at his jumper, the jumper has a number.. '388.'

The front door opened as three men with masks, the middle one has a square mask, the other two? Both circle.

"Thats strange, this isnt a costume party at all." You say, hand on your waist.

The man was still beside's you, you didnt notice him looking at you, and then he looked back at the guards.

Murmur's filled the room, as you stayed silent, the man beside you tried talking to you.

"Real- ehem, real strange for sure." Yet you still ignored him.

TIME SKIP OF THE SQUARE TALKING.

"Excuse me." A voice said from afar, you turned around to see, it appears to be a transgender woman, you respected her of course. She stepped down some few steps and said..

"You said i'd be playing games, but you practically kidnapped me." She said, looking at the guard.

"I apologize." The man in the square soldier says. "Please understand it was necessary to maintain the game's security."

"... I agree, we didnt consent to this at all." You spoke out, looking at the guards as people leaned their head torwards you.

"So how can we believe that?" She says.

"Whats with the mask then? Is your face also a secret?" A random female says.

"Yeah! Why are you hiding your face? Is this some kind of illegal gambling house?" A random man says.

"Even the dealers dont cover their faces in those place's!" The random woman says.

Murmur's build up as i listened to some of them.

"To ensure fair gameplay and confilentiality, it is our policy not to reveal the face's and identities of staff please understand." The square says.

"... i dont really give a shit about all this talking.. except taking us to some- some place else." i sigh, crossing my arms.

A diva- i mean a girl holds out the jacket given and holds it up. "Did you take off my clothes and put these on me?" The girl says.

"My shoes are limited fucking edition." A forked up- i mean a purple haired guy says, rotating the shoes. "They're hard to find, you goin' to replace em if they get" RUINED?!"

"These dont fit and the color sucks... can i just have what your wearing instead? I like pink" the girl says.

I sigh, looking at the girl from afar, hands now in my pocket's.

TIME SKIP WHEN THEY ANNOUNCE THE PPL W/ DEBTS CUS IM LAZY..

(sorry chat)

"Hah, a crypto scammer in this game...? Noted." I say as i scoff, after hearing the mans words.

"Player 333, llee myung-gi." As the square presses something, the tv that was placed up the screen showed something, the ddakji game..!

"Age 30, Used to run a Youtube channel called MG coin. After Convincing subscribers to invest in a new crypto coin called dalmatian, causing losses of approximately 15.2 billion won. You shut down and dissapeared. Your wanted for fraud, and for violating telecom,and financial investment laws. Current debt level, 1.8 billion won."

"Player 196, Kang Mi-na, 45 million won in debt."

"Player 120, Cho hyun-ju, 330 million won in debt."

"Player 238, [READER FULL NAME]. 230 million won in debt."

'What a fucker..' i stay silent looking at the side.

"Player 230, Choi Su-bong 1.19 billion won in debt."

"Player 198, Jang do-yeong 1.4 billion won in debt."

"Player 226, Kim Yeong-san 1.9 billion won in debt."

"Player 444, Kim Nam-du, 2.02 billion won in debt"

"Player 343, Sim Jae-Seok 2.89 billion won in debt."

"Player 006, Park Mi-hwa, 3.1 billion won in debt."

"Player 283, Lee Eun-jun, 4.02 billion won in debt."

"Player 100, Im Jeong-dae, ten billion won in debt."

"One more game!" The screen's speakers yell out.

"What a greedy old grandpa, huh?" You tried talking to the taller man beside you.

"Uhuh.. totally.. haha.." he says, scratching his nape.

"Who is that? Who is he?" Some people say.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?" it yells out. "DO YOU THINK- BLAH BLAH BLAH blah blah..."

'Yeah we dont really care whatsoever.' You rolled your eyes, murmurs still surrounding him.

"All of you in this room, Have crippling debts, and now on a cliff-edge. When we first came to you, you did not trust us either. But as you know, we played a game, and gave you money as promised, And so you trusted us and volunteered to participate according to your own free will. You have one last chance to decide, Do you want to live in a piece of trash running for creditors? Or will you seize the last opportunity we are offering?" The square finishes.

I listened carefully (finally) to its words, processing all of it inside my head.

The light's suddenly darken- and now there was a golden glow emitting from above.

"Is heaven taking- woaah... never mind i guess." I look up and above, a piggy bank, not just any ordinary piggy bank, a fucking. Huge. One.

The music that appeared fastened up when the piggy bank was going down.

"Whoa, thats huge yanno'..?" The man beside's you says.

"What you see now, is the piggy bank where your valuable prize money will be stored. After each of the six games you will play, the prizs money will be accumalated in this piggy bank." The square says.

A mama's boy- i mean a man speaks up and asks "how much is the prize money?"

The square answers the man's question. "The prize money for the game is 45.6 billion won in total."

Shocked gasps and sounds build up.

"45.6 billion... won..." i say, my eyes blinking "thats insane."

"And one of us will get it?" The man asks.

"We will give you the detail's about the distribution of the price money after the first game. For these games, you will be given a special new advantage." The square says.

"What is it?" The old bit- i mean man says.

"After each game, you will be given a chance to vote on whether to continue the game or not. If the majority votes to stop the games, you can leave with the prize money accumalated up to that point." The square says.

"Are you saying.." a man says from behind,not in the crowd, but in the sides of the bed- whatever its called

"We'll receive the money after we leave the first game?"

[3liza]

everyone arguing with material analysis/assertion about how art is a "luxury" has rarely if ever spent rent or food money on art, if they even pay rent or buy their own food, and if they did that would be considered extremely dysfunctional, and thats what i/we mean. artists are not providing a necessary service.

our plane crashes in the Andes and you are not particularly excited about my "can draw that Playboy centerfold of Marge Simpson from memory" like that is not an essential survival skill. lots of extremely skilled workers work in luxury artisan and craft jobs, it's not an insult to say even a very famous and very talented and influential artist is not producing a commodity necessary for the furtherance of human life. none of us are doing that, no matter how we stretch and strain the definitions of "essential" or even things like "morale" or "group identity". i will burn my copy of Finnegan's Wake to stay warm and thats what it comes down to.

i get foamy crazy snarling and biting about the idolization and obfuscation of what artists actually do because it is a labor issue! the public conception of artists as people possessed of a divine talent they dont consciously work to develop like any other skill, and the public idea that we are simply pleased and privileged to make art all day and "not work", something people say to my face every time i get asked "what i do", is largely responsible for the absolute dogshit reality of how subsistence and working class artists have to survive. we usually dont have health insurance unless we're so poor we qualify for medicaid AND live in a state that will enroll us. most of us are too disabled or crazy to go to a real job every day. most of us have tried, over and over, to enter the normal workforce, and have failed, and been forced to develop alternate skills that allow us to make rent in the ten hours per month we're actually functional. many of the artists i know work from bed because standing up is dicey. this has been turned into a charming eccentricity of famous artists and writers instead of people wondering why a person would need to stay in bed all day and take the enormous bother of bringing their stupid pens and paper and writing board or typewriter or whatever to their bed instead of just getting up and getting dressed and going to work. ive done this, i spilled ink in my sheets. its a huge hassle.

and artists play along with this mystique because people dont want to buy paintings from sadlords! they want to buy paintings and books and marge simpson nudes from cool guys who get a lot of chicks and wear rockstar outfits and party a lot, because of the transitive properties! of course!!! this is basic marketing!!!!! and if the artist doesnt play along they turn into Sad Story Artist where they're doing emergency commissions and posting about how sick they are all the time. this is not cool or fun or sexy. it's a sand trap and its very hard to recover from. im struggling with this right now!

famous and successful artists and writers are constantly ending up 60-90 years old with cancer and multiple sclerosis and dementia, being the subject of some sort of public, last-ditch, humiliating GoFundMe because painting paperback covers fr 60 years means you dont get a pension, you often dont even have kids who can take care of you, you dont have life insurance, you dont have health insurance. 'died penniless and alone' is one of the stereotypical artist endings for a reason, that is not fiction. this happened to more artists than i can list on two hands. look up what happened to Peter S. beagle, the guy who wrote The Last Unicorn. you write a book like that you should be set for life, right? NO. thats not how it works

i'm not saying 'all artists are disabled and working class or poor' because that isnt true, observably. nepo babies and trust fund artists exist, obviously. but they take an outsized portion of the spotlight when the public thinks of the concept of "artist". they are not actually the norm. the average artist is probably making under 40k and living in extremely precarious circumstances and has had periods of homelessness, illness, extreme debt and/or bankruptcy.

this is true even for the 'successful' artists. having one or two or ten good projects and being a household name does not save you from just not having the safety net provided by a normal career path. i was very close with a major, famous 2000s network television creator and team that you have heard of. they won awards, they changed culture entirely, they were a big deal. one of them was turned down for a half dozen projects by the same network that made millions or bilions on their franchise over several years (each pitch is completely unpaid btw, imagine carefully preparing a PowerPoint for morons for months at a time for no reimbursement and thent he morons ask you if you can put a teenage witch looking for her lost cat in the alps in it and you're like, haha, well, it's a 4 part hard sci fi miniseries set on Europa and takes place entirely inside a pressurized lander settlement, i mean Ridley Scot said he was interested already and he pitched a bottle episode about a carbon monoxide poisoning, soooooo....and the executives look at each other and they're like "it's jst not really what we're looking for right now, thanks for coming in" and you go to coffee bean and tea leaf and kill yourself and thats sort of what its like. i made that example up it didn't actually happen i'm using an illustrative example), worked on a canceled film, and just. gradually ran out of money. thats what happens. that guy ended up slowly selling off all his belongings, getting roommates in a one bedroom apartment, and then eventually having to just live on a friend's couch for years. famous guy. you probably know his name. another major member of that same team ended up in GoFundMe/commission hell for years (might still be there) because they had to take care of their two dying, dementia patient parents by themselves. these are people who go to GenCon and sign autographs for four hours at a time. THE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE OF THIS SHIT and i'm sick of it. im sick of going to a gallery opening night ("vernissage") and drinking bad wine and having a guy with an email job that pays six figures and benefits tell me being able to push "undo" on the computer is cheating. that's a real example, that has actually happened to me. more than once.

artists currently have zero labor protections whatsoever. all of us are undercutting each other in an unregulated market and relying on welfare and private insurance and not having families or buying houses. zero security until we get so old all our illnesses and dysfunction finally ground us permanently and then we get turned into a charity case by fans (humiliating) or just fade away into ghosts and die

whats my punchline? idk i dont have one. it's possible and likely that any given artist you meet is permanently in precarity and will be until they die, even the famous ones. the culture of selling art demands that artists do not admit to this in public unless shit gets really really bad. i guess my point is you should know this, as a person who looks at or listens to or reads things that people have made for your amusement, not for your survival

[prettyboykatsuki]

VIOLET | RAZOR. (GENSHIN)

✾ tags ; afab + gn!reader, aged-up characters, virginity loss/first times, established relationship, mutual virginity loss, nipple play, fingering, oral (f!recieving), creampies (reader is using a contraceptive), reader is mentioned to be an orphan / run away , 18+

✾ wc ; 6.1k (went to edit and went 700 words over the wc. pain)

✾ a/n ; i'm losing my mind btw. razor my only triple crowned character my most greatly beloved my angel my sweet. also i added the aged up tag mostly bc its the genshin fandom but. if u dont like that dont read. ez peazy.

also trust and believe the voice im picturing in this is his jpn dub. this is important

✾ synopsis ; you resolve yourself after many long years of abstinence, you're going to ask razor about sex the minute he comes home.

Razor is human. 

On a technical level, this information isn’t news to you. He looks human. His physical makeup is human. He needs to eat and sleep like humans do. Focusing on the technicals alone, Razor is very, very human.

It doesn’t change that he was raised by wolves, though. And you don’t want it too. You think it’d be a shame if he started to assimilate too much into human society just because he felt like he had too. You know how he feels about it. And that Boreas is the closest he’s ever had to a father figure, thus making his claim about Razor's humanity a rather devastating blow. He feels inhuman all while knowing he is. You think once upon a time, he really did wish to be a wolf. 

You’ve known Razor since you were a teenager. You’d ended up in Wolvendom after your exploration of Teyvat led you to its outskirts. You’d bonded over your similarities. Two orphans with no real place where they fit in completely and complete odd-ball personalities - Razor was an easy friend for you to make. Even when you eventually decided to settle into Mondstat - you’d made a point to visit Razor regularly and spend time with him in the forest. 

You made an odd pair of course, but you didn’t mind. If no one else understood you in the world - you know Razor always would. He’d listen patiently about all of your adventures and sit quietly as you decided to pester him by braiding his hair or teaching him new words. Loyal, obedient, sweet.

You never formally had the boyfriend conversation in the time you’d spent together. One day, however, Razor took you to meet Boreas out of the blue as well as the leader of his pack. You figured maybe it was something he did with his close friends. It only occurred to you that maybe this was a more serious meeting when Razor promptly gestured towards you and introduced you as his mate. 

Razor, predictably, was very confused about your minor freak out. You tried not to let it show during your little chit-chat, but afterwards you’d shaken him by the shoulders and interrogated him about his word choice. This of course didn’t register in his mind at all. According to Razor, you’d been his mate since long ago. He’d been courting you since the moment you met in the way wolves are known too. You’re an adventurer, well-versed in certain animal behaviors for the sake of survival, including wolves. 

And looking back on your interactions he was right,  Razor had been courting you from the start. The news made you flush, and you went back into Razors camp and thoroughly educated him on human courting rituals.

(“Why matter?” Razor asks, head laid in your lap while he looks up at you from inside the tent “Not important.” 

“Why would it not be important?” 

He turns towards you, head facing your stomach as one arm lazily wraps around your waist. He yawns sleepily, seemingly not worried about a thing. 

“You are mate. Mate last until death.” He explains, casually - like he’d always believed he’d spend every minute of his life with you. Like that was the only natural outcome for you both and that he’d never consider anything else. You want to explain, it’s different for humans. Humans don’t usually mate that way, you should say. But the words die out in your mouth as he clings closer to you “Sorry for..not asking.. properly. What are we…as humans?” 

You look down at where he lays, thumb brushing over his cheek. 

“Lovers or life partners. They’re closest to the word mate, in definition.” 

“Lovers easier,” He grumbles, eyebrows tightening at the complex words in your sentence “You want to be lovers with Razor?” 

You laugh. Light and bubbly and warm as you lean forward and try to mask the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. 

“Yes. We’re lovers from now on. And mates. And lupical, right?” 

Razor sighs contentedly into your midriff.

“And lupical.”)

According to Razor, you had been mates from the minute you met. According to your human timeline, you have been dating since you were both around 17. It’s been a long time since then and nothing in your relationship has changed.

You’re an adult now and you work with the city of Mondstat studying wildlife populations. You live in the city in a cottage, and Razor lives with you - though he spends most of his day outside. He does the domestic labor while you whittle away at papers and projects. Because of your job, you still spend a fair bit of time together in the wild. He has plenty of insight about the wildlife in Wolvendom and is keen enough on changes to give significant contribution to your study. His work as your partner is unofficial, but everyone acknowledges that you come together in a set. Where you go, Razor follows.

You’re happy with your life. With your relationship to your wolf-boy boyfriend, with the career you’ve carved out of scratch and the life you’ve built. You left your orphanage young and spent a long time on the run. You’re incredibly thankful for all of what you have and you could never think of what more to ask for. 

This is especially true for you and Razor. You’ve never had any real major obstacles in your relationship. Part of this comes from the wolven habit of mating for life. Concepts like pride are foreign to Razor. He says sorry even when he doesn’t completely understand and he has no concept of betraying your loyalty. Most things you can teach, he learns very quickly. But there are also some things no one ever teaches you to navigate. Some boundaries you can’t be sure you’re allowed to cross. 

You’re a blossoming, healthy person in their twenties and so is Razor. He’s scarred and athletic in the outdoorsy way and he’s a little more rugged now that you’ve both grown. He’s hit a growth spurt and he’s taller than you and every time you see his arm flex carrying in an entire boar to butcher in your yard - you start getting so hot under the collar you feel like you’re going to explode. 

The problem is: you want to have sex and you want to have it badly. You want it so bad it’s starting to make you feel like you’re a deviant. Like you’re some kind of harlot masquerading as an archon-fearing civilian.

But it’s so hard to bring up and you don’t know how you’re ever going too. 

You’re very good at asking for what you want usually. It comes with the territory. And thanks to your boyfriend's cluelessness about human social convention, asking for things isn’t embarrassing. Concepts like shame are learned through a lifetime of socialization that he lacks and while you could sit and try to teach him - you don’t think he would care either way. He listens if you tell him he shouldn’t do something, but that’s because you’re his mate and his lupical. 

What other people think is none of his concern. He cares about his Lupical. So if Lisa or Bennet or Klee tell him something, he might take it into consideration. But they, like you, love the parts of Razor that make him how he is and his complete innocence in some ways is part of that. 

You know you could very well ask Razor for sex. You’ve spent a lot of time together and you’ve learned many things about him. It’s not like there’s nothing there at all. Like his every other trait, Razor normally relies on instinct to guide him. You’ve learned through kisses and dry-humping that he can get hard at least. You’ll probably never know the details of his arousal, and the only you’ll ever find out is by having sex with him. 

You don’t know what else he knows. What Lisa has told him of the birds and the bees. 

You have tried to ask Lisa inadvertently, but she enjoys making fun of you too much to give you any straightforward answers. And in her own maternal way, she thinks it’d be better for your relationship if you go ahead and ask yourself. 

She’s right about that, but it’s also not very easy. You know Razor would never judge you. He doesn’t even have the capacity to do so. But while Razor knows nothing of shame, you certainly do. 

It’s your problem to get over. You know that. You rationalize that your fantasies are healthy and normal for someone your age. But there is something terribly humiliating about trying to express the extent of your desire apart from just having it. Is it fair to teach Razor about desire? Does he know of it already and the both of you just suffer in silence? 

Razor is a man. A grown man, and tougher than most men you know. He’s seen more than almost anyone else as part of living in the woods. You know he’s not some innocent fairy. But you can’t get over the feeling like you’re corrupting his sweet preciousness somehow. 

(This has its own charm, but that’s not relevant. Or maybe it is. Maybe there’s guilt for that too but it’s not something you can unpack) 

You’re reaching your upper limit on patience. Your hand can only do the job so long (though the import of sex toys from Fontaine do help) nothing can truly replace what you want. And what you want is Razor.

So, you’ve made your choice. When Razor comes home from…what he’s doing today - you’re going to ask him to have sex.

__

You’ve finished all of your work, did as many chores as you can, and now you’re waiting in your bedroom trying to read a book.

You haven’t even read past the first page, actually. But you’re trying. It’s hard to do anything meaningful when your brain keeps pivoting back to what's going to happen when your boyfriend returns home. 

You’re nervous and fidgeting, rubbing your socked feet together and running over the laundry list of talking points you’ve concocted trying to make this happen. You shaved but not bare because you know he definitely wouldn’t like it, but you’re clean. You aren’t sure if he’s going to like that either and he’s expressed that he likes when you smell natural. But it soothed your anxiety to shower so he’ll have to leave with it. 

You have no idea how this could go. You don’t even know how to prepare for the worst, because you don’t know what the worst is. But you reassure yourself with the fact Razor loves you and leave it at that.

You hear the door open and take a deep breath. 

There’s heavy footsteps that get louder and louder. Razor cracks the door open politely, peeking his head into your shared room. He makes a face, the softest little smile you’ve ever seen - before letting himself in and shutting the door behind him. He’s quick to undress himself - jacket and scarf abandoned along with his boots. Leaving him in green pants and a bandage around his chest and arsm. 

“Hi,” He says simply, coming down over to where you’re laid. He chooses to sit on the floor, folding his arms on the bed as he looks at you patiently “Missed you,” 

“Hey there,” Your heart is pounding just looking at him. He’s unreasonably handsome. Had he grown up in normal conditions, you think he would’ve been a very popular loner type. “How was your family?” 

“Good,” He says shortly, eyes warm and light “New pup. First time seeing since I was little. Very small and cute.” 

“I’m glad. Bet it’s nice not to be the youngest anymore.” 

“Come next time,” He says genuinely “They miss you.” 

Your heart is so full you think it might burst. It temporarily soothes your anxiety.

“Of course I will.” 

Razors eyes examine you for a minute. Your heart is still racing. Of course he notices it. He knows much more about you than you’ll ever know about yourself. His brow creases in concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You look at him apologetically, immediately warmed by how worried he is. You give him a small smile. 

“I’m okay. Just a little nervous. Wanted to ask you about something.” 

“Okay. I listen. No need to..be nervous.” 

Right. He’s right about that. You sit up and Razor remains where he is. He’s seated comfortably on the floor, on his knees - between your thighs. He’s a sight for sore eyes, terribly rugged and scarred with nothing but honesty settled in his gaze. Carmine and beautiful. You fold your hands in your lap and before you can worry too much, Razor grabs one in his hand. 

He kisses your knuckles so gently, leaning his face into your palm. 

“It’s okay.” 

You figure it’s best to be straight to the point. 

“Uhm. Razor. Do you…know what sex is?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, it’s—wait what? Did you just say yes?” 

He nods again. “Miss Lisa taught me.” 

That witch. You take a deep breath. It’s now or never.

“And uhm, what did she tell you about it?” You ask tentatively. 

“Like mating but for humans. Best to do with mate. Good to be careful or else pups will come too soon.” 

You stare at him, jaw slack. 

“Right. And what else?” 

He racks his brain right in front of you. 

“Uhm. Can be for…feel good. Should go slow. Lots of things different from wolf.” 

“...Do you know how it happens? The specifics?” 

Razor goes a soft pink. Razor blushes. 

“Yes.” 

You have no idea what to feel. Not the faintest clue in the world. This is the first time in your entire relationship either of you have been in an awkward situation. You’re partially relieved it’s not completely foreign, partially feeling hot between the legs because you’re not corrupting anything. You make a face of uncertainty. 

“Oh. Uhm. Do you—have you ever.. I mean—have you ever wanted to have sex with me then? I-is that something you’d…want to do?” 

Razor almost looks perplexed by this question. He nods, then follows up. 

“Yes. A lot.” 

You nearly choke on your spit. 

“A lot?” 

“Yes. But.. Miss Lisa said to wait. Until mate asks.” 

You’re going to have a serious discussion with that damned woman later. You take a shaky breath, looking at him carefully. This is going to break you in a way you don’t know if you’ll recover from. But you’re fine, you’ve made it this far. And you don’t want to back down when you haven’t gotten to the finish line. The final blow. 

You’re not completely sure where you go from here honestly. Your brain was fully expecting to go on a long rant about sexual intercourse. Now that that’s out of the window, you’re at a loss. You decide, internally, that going straight forward is the best thing you could do for now. 

“Then… would you want to have sex with me?” 

His eyes widen then he pauses, looking worried. 

“Well…yes. But, worried. Not sure…how.” 

“Well, uhm. Normally it starts with kissing and t-touching and things like that. You can just do what feels right. Uhm.. and I’ll tell you… what I like. A-and what feels good.” You offer, trying not to show just how nervous you are even suggesting “But uhm… I also… think about it. A lot. With you.” 

His eyes light up, and you can practically see the change in him. You’ve never let yourself get close enough to look but when you see him now that you know, it’s obvious. He’s looked at you like this before. 

Like he wants you. 

“Razor,” You say, bracing yourself for impact “Come up here.” 

He’s quick to his feet. You lay back down and Razor lays himself ontop of you, hovering gently. He smells like forest, the rich warm scent of dirt and sunlight mixed with sweat that you’ve grown fond of. Looking down at you, he presses his forehead against yours with his eyes fluttered closed. 

“Mate,” His breath is warm like he’s been chewing mint leaves and sweet flowers. He does it sometimes before coming home “Love you,” 

“I love you too, Razor. You don’t,” You swallow thickly, suddenly aware of your proximity “Don’t hold back okay? You won’t break me.” 

“Want to..” He thinks slowly, brain clearly struggling to come up with the right word “Cherish. Want to cherish mate. Cherish you.” 

You give him a breathy laugh as he leans in close to you. 

“Did Miss Lisa teach you that?”

“Yes,” He replies, pressing his cheek to yours and rubbing himself against you innocently “Cherish you a lot.” 

“I cherish you a lot too,” You offer and he smiles. You feel your heart thump as you look up at him less innocently “Let’s kiss first, okay” 

He doesn’t reply. This much is familiar. Though this was something you had to teach him at first, you would go as far as saying Razor kisses better than you. He’s better than you in these ways most of the time. He knows how to read your body language down to the most irrelevant details, attuned to your physicality in a way that could only be inhuman. The first time he noticed a change in your cycle after starting some herbal contraceptives, you were turned on as much as you were afraid. 

His mouth is hot and overwhelming, plush as he kisses you passionately. He’s quick to open your mouth up with his tongue. Razor likes to taste. It’s natural for him to slip his tongue past your lips and lick at yours. You think if anyone else did it you’d be turned off. But with him hovering you over you, desperate as he pulls and nips at your lower lip - it’s stimulating.  It makes you wet before you can think about it too hard. Your hands curl themselves around his neck, tangling at the thick roots of his gray hair. 

He moans when you tug, and your eyes nearly pop out of your sockets. You do it again, a little harder and the same broken sound leaves his lips in the middle of kiss. You swallow the noise before pulling away, looking at his face. His face is perfectly rosy, lips swollen from where you’ve been kissing them.

“Did you,” You look at him erratically, eyes going over every part of his face “Did that feel good?” 

He nods, dumbfounded. 

“Felt good but,” He shakes his head in disbelief “Don’t know why.” 

You giggle, delighted with the outcome. 

“No it’s good, that’s normal.” You say trying not to babble “It’s like your body’s weak point.”

“Not weak.”

“It’s not a bad thing. I have some too. Like my neck.”

You can see the gears turning in his head.  He tucks his chin against your shoulder and before you can speak to ask him about it, he’s pressing his lips against the skin of your neck. He doesn’t stop at a kiss, though. He proceeds to lick the small patch of tender flesh, before sinking his teeth into it.

You moan. You moan sharp, almost like a gasp of pain. He opens his mouth to ask if you’re okay but when he sees you he stops. He blinks, then gives you a look you’ve never seen. 

His voice is almost chipped - richer and more hoarse as his fingers go over what can only be bite marks.

“Feels good?” He says, then adds more urgently “Where else?”

You’ve made him discover something. You’re sure of that. He looks awfully determined about it, too. 

You sigh shakily, grabbing his hands. Even though you’re trembling mercilessly, you want this. You want him. You let his hand squeeze around the swell of your tits - your nipples peeking through the thin fabric of your shirt. With your eyes locked on his, you brush your nipples.

“H-here,” You admit watching his eyes go dark. Animalistic. “Uhm. W-with your mouth, you c-can suck on them.” 

He’s quiet. 

“Like pup?” 

You laugh. 

“A little bit like that, I guess. But it’s different.” 

He makes a small, approving noise with his mouth, once again thinking hard about something before he continues down his path. He leaves open kisses all over your skin, hands reaching to undress you. You help him, peeling your shirt over your head and tossing it somewhere. His eyes are shut closed, in bliss as he licks and bites down your neck with no real grace. His tongue is wet and rough all over you. 

You can tell you’re being primed for something animal. Like being tenderized, worked apart in a way that makes you melt into something soft. Something that can be broken without teeth, that can be swallowed in one go. It’s not a romantic kiss as much as it’s a hungry graze, a gnawing lust. He’s not being so reserved anymore, and that means sinking his teeth as far into you as he can go, not enough to break the skin. Razor would never break you. But he might ruin you, might melt you down from your very center until he can tear you apart. 

You thought it’d hurt, and it does - but in a good way. There’s some sick sense of relief in how achy your whole body is. You’re burning up because Razor wants you like he’s starving. An emptiness claws at you, makes the back of your gums ache. Makes all the hairs on the back of your neck stand nearly straight as you sink deeper in. You want to be full of him and you want him to get so full off of you. 

Razor doesn’t stop his tirade even when he gets down to your chest. Instead his mouth closes around your tit, hard incisors sinking into the supple skin but only slightly gentler than before. His canines feel sharper than yours. They must be. 

“O-oh,” You can feel your voice shake as you hold onto the back of his head. He touches the other one with his free hand, squeezing and massaging the skin. He rubs your nipples experimentally in the same way you did a moment ago. “Razor, hngh,” 

A noise is pulled from the back of his throat, a growl - so hard and heavy that it reverberates into your skin. You can feel it spread through your whole body, your core tightening up. Your skin is prickly. A solar flare shooting through your spine. 

You don’t think you’ve ever been so aroused. You can hardly breathe around the weight of it sitting in your chest.

“Your scent..change.” Razor says through a breath, a thick layer of saliva where his mouth once was “Hot. So hot.” 

You nearly whimper. 

“ It’s because I’m wet…Aroused.” 

“Wet?”

“It means I want to be touched. I want you to touch me down there.” 

A beat of silence. 

“Want me..to mate with you.” He sits up onto his knees, staring at you. Your legs are around his waist loosely. He presses a hand to your clothed sex. You jolt at the contact. “Want me to fill you, here?” 

He puts his hand on your hip, on your stomach - before tucking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts.

“Want to see. What’s wet, I want to see.” 

You lift your legs slightly, pulling your shorts off as you're bent at the knee. It’s embarrassing being bare naked in front of Razor, though you’ve seen him in the same state plenty. He’s quick to grab your knee and force your legs apart wide. He’s got that same focused stare, tongue poked out as he brushes the coarse hairs on your mound with his knuckle. You squirm under the feeling. 

“Pretty,” He says first, then follows with “It’s…very warm. Hot but doesn’t hurt” 

Razor explores with his hands. He runs his finger along your slit, before using his thumbs to spread you apart. He nudges your clit. At first you wonder if it's an accident, but when he does it again - rubs a pointed circle on the aching bundle of nerves you realize he’s being intentional. 

“Here, right?” Razor says slowly and gauges your reaction “Feels good for you…here. Helps.” 

You want to ask who taught him such a thing but you already know the answer. You nod helpless, feeling the way his thumb goes back and forth. He tries it in different ways, watches whatever way makes your breath hitch the most. 

“Here makes you… jump. Like bunny rabbit. Like prey”

The word prey almost takes you out. You can’t make your words out very eloquently anymore. “It’s uhm sensitive.” 

He knows the word. You’ve taught him it. He looks at your bare cunt all awestruck, gloved hand resting on your sex as he continues to toy with your clit. You squirm and shake, even trying to pull away. Razor manages to grab you, keeps you pinned with your legs spread, using his own body to keep you like that. 

“Razor,” You moan, grabbing at his wrist “Razor.” 

“Mm. It’s soft. So soft.” 

“I want to see yours.” 

It takes him a second to register your words, but he’s not ashamed in the slightest when he does. He takes off his gloves right before. You’ve felt it, briefly, the weight and heft of his cock through clothes but you’ve never actually seen it. You gasp as he pulls it out, tucking his pants down under his balls. He’s hairy - thick dark gray hairs nested at the base. His cock has a pretty curve up, tip ruddy and bright. It’s drooling, dribbling pre-cum and heavy. He wraps his free hand around the base and strokes it instinctively. It’s a good length, but it’s thick. Thicker than you could’ve ever conjured up in your own mind.

You reach for it between your bodies, your hands trembling as you touch it. Razor lets out another throaty growl. Your hand doesn’t fit around it completely. The back of your throat tightens up.

“You’re—it’s big. I can’t—not at once. I h-have to open myself up a little bit.” 

Razor tilts his head to one side and you shake yours in reply. 

“I need to uhm,” You gesture vaguely “Make it more..wet and stretch myself out. So you fit i-inside.” 

“Want to help. Teach me.” 

“...Teach you?” 

“Easier if I..learn now. When we do it again later. Teach me..how to touch you.” 

The words sound sweet coming out of his mouth, honeyed and loving. An obedient and eager pupil, Razor has always been that hasn’t he? And he always listens the best he can, tries his hardest. You suppose that this instance is no different. You suck in a breath and spread your legs a little more. 

“Watch,” 

Razor watches. He watches as you dip your fingers into your mouth and coat them with saliva. Watches as you snake a hand in between your legs and dip your middle finger down low into your cunt - with a trembling sigh at the sudden intrusion. He watches intimately as you pump them in and out, rhythmic and noisy. The sound of your own wet heat rings in your ears as you spread yourself in earnest. 

Half-way through, Razor puts a hand on your thigh. He pushes your own hand away, and waits for you to open your eyes. He stares at you, long and hard. 

“I want to eat you. Want to lick,” His hand cups your bare pussy “Here. Make you wet. Open you by myself. Want to eat.” 

You’re speechless. Profoundly turned on by the sentiment, so much so you can’t make out your own voice. 

“Uhm,” You close your hands into a fist, tucking your chin. “You can do whatever you like, Razor.” 

He assesses the statement and you watch him take it in. He ends up on his stomach, lying between your thighs. You’re fascinated by his assurance in himself. He takes the right position between your legs. You spread out to give him easier access and he gives you a silent look of thanks. His breath is warm as it fans your cunt. 

Before you get a chance to breathe, Razor sticks his tongue and licks. It’s animalistic with no real finesse at all. He makes up for it with enthusiasm and some conclusions he’s drawn with your assistance. He sucks on your clit nearly feverish, takes it into his mouth like he did your tits minutes prior. It’s drooly and sticky and nasty in a way that makes you ashamed. You’re more ashamed because you like it, you love it really. Spit is running down, dripping down to your ass. It’s a loud slurp - a shameless, nasty hunger in how he licks up your arousal with his mouth and drenches your pussy with spit. 

His groans reverberate into you. He likes what he’s doing. The sound and touch and taste - Razor overwhelms you with all of it. There’s a tangible intensity wrapping up around you, keeping you trapped in the wolf's den. 

You don’t teach him to use his fingers. He seems to have figured it out. The pad of his middle finger draws the spit pooling along your seam before pushing itself into your tight hole. You gasp at how invasive it is at first. Razors fingers are thick and scarred and you can feel the ridges of your raised skin from healed injured when he fucks you open with them. 

It feels good. Being wanted. Being consumed voraciously and openly without any care for shame. Razor is the embodiment of raw desire and all of it- every ounce of it is being used to devour you. The descendant of wolves, the son of the forest - laid between your thighs and eating like something delicious left at an abandoned altar. 

Even clumsy, you’re turned on beyond reason. Arousal leaves you shakily pawing at him to slow down. Your voice is reduced to nothing but small whines and mewls - pleas to slow down that fall on deaf ears. 

“Razor,” Your voice is clipped “Razor, please - it’s enough. Just.” 

When he snaps out of his haze, his chin is soaked with arousal and spit. He wipes it with the back of his hand, looking at you. 

“Tastes good. You taste nice.” He praises, heaving and out of breath. 

Your stomach flares up with new found lust, hands covering your face. 

“Archons, just. Come here.” 

Razor climbs up on top of you again. You cup his face and kiss him hard, tasting yourself on him. 

“You’re so unfair. But I can’t get angry because you’re not even doing it on purpose.”

“Sorry,” 

You shake your head, kissing the corner of his mouth. Trembling with need. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I want you inside. Want you to fill me in here, so bad, Razor.” 

His eyes widen. Your desperation must reach him this time, because he nods. innocently. You’re thankful beyond words you’re on contraceptives. At this point, you think trying to use a condom would break you down.

“You just have to put it inside. But please go slowly, okay?” 

“Go slowly…won’t hurt you.” 

Razor sits up on his knees again, drawing your waist down towards him. Before he pushes into you, he lays his cock against your sex - pushing it between messy folds. His expression morphs, his jaw tensing as the head of his cock swells and throbs against your aching clit. It slides and slips so messily, pussy clinging to his hard length. You guide his cock towards your entrance while he leans forward over you. His palms are rough as they grab your hips, hands settling up under your knees. 

You can feel his cock as he rolls his hips slowly. Your nails dig into his back, indenting the skin as you cry out. It’s thick, intrusive as he pushes into your tight little hole. Even after opening you up, there’s an ache inside as the head stretches your pussy open. The raw drag of skin on skin as Razor pushes inside of you. You can feel him with every movement, your legs wrapped around his waist tight.

Razor has always had a limited vocabulary. He likes to speak in short sentences since it’s what he does best. His speech now is a lot more developed, but he still finds it troublesome. 

It stuns you when Razor's grip tightens and he swears under his breath - a single word, long and drawn out as his cock pushes into you deeply. 

“Fuck,” 

“R-razor?” 

“Feels good…feels so good. Want…move. Please.” 

“You can move, just let me hold onto you okay?” 

Razor tucks his head against your neck before he fucks you. In one smooth motion, he pulls himself out completely before shoving himself back in. It’s as gentle as he can go, but you can practically feel him shaking above you. How his whole being urged him to fuck you llike an animal. The desperation rolls off of him in waves, his own hands gripping tighter as he slowly finds a rhythm to fuck you in. Clumsy thrust that turns into careful calculated ones as you urge him to go deeper. 

“Deep,” Razor pants against your neck, his breath tickling your skin. His voice is a low growl as his hips snap up to meet the back of your thighs with each thrust. Your bed creaks each time he moves, the frame knocking against the wood “I’m deep inside you,” 

“Razor,” You sneak a hand between your bodies, clumsily toying with your clit - pleasure ruining your every thought “Harder. Give it to me harder.” 

As soon as the words leave your mouth, Razor gives up on trying to hold himself back. He fucks you with nearly reckless abandon, an impressive amount of strength and weight behind each thrust. His dick pushes in and out of you hard and fast in the most unromantic way. You can feel it all the way up to your throat. It makes the back of legs and and your lower half feel tingly. Your head is blank, nothing but spotted white in your vision. You blink them open to look at Razors face. 

He’s biting at his lower lip hard, focusing all of himself on his thrusts. He’s enduring it well. Your insides clench, a fluttery sensation starting to build up between your legs. You can feel it in your belly, the knot starting to untie. 

Razor is starting to feel it too him. 

“Inside so, ngh - hot.  S-something coming, going to—” 

“A little more. Gonna cum soon, Razor. Feels so good, you make me feel so good.” 

Your mindless praise makes him whimper. A soft noise that echoes through you. You repeat it over and over, in a high voice like you’d praise a puppy. Razor takes it in beautifully, trying so hard not to succumb to his own desires. He restrains despite how hard and how fast and how deep he’s fucking you. You know it’s not easy. 

“I’m gonna c-cum, Razor,” You say, at the very edge “Cum with me. It’s okay, you can let it out.” 

You cum hard. Harder than you think you ever have in your life, then you’ve ever been able to manage by yourself. The sensation hits all at once, like falling through the sky, you can feel the clouds pushed away by the weight of you coming down through. Your insides tighten and tense one last time before everything releases at once, and waves of the aftershock leave your pussy fluttering. You’re washed with pure euphoria, crying out Razor’s name as you cum. 

Razor is quick to follow you. Your own orgasm seems to drive him over the edge, and he cums deep inside. He muffles his cry by biting into your shoulder, groaning as hot seed spills into your cunt with a harsh stutter of hips. He fucks into your pussy, soft and messy before bottoming out and nearly collapsing on top of you. 

It takes you a long minute to catch your breath well enough to speak. 

You rub Razors back soothingly before you do. He lifts his head, eyes heavy as he looks at you. 

“Wow,” He says, eyes wide and blown out. You can’t help but break out into a fight of laughter “Love you…”

“I love you too, Razor.”

“Wanna do it again,” Razor says, looking at you seriously “Can I?” 

You feel a pulse of warmth through your whole body before nodding. 

“Uhm. Yes. Just give me a break first, okay?” 

[manias-wordcount]

Cream of the Crop (Jinpachi Ego)

Kinktober 2024 Day Thirteen: Overstimulation

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

You knew he would be too much for you. You knew he would be intense. Too excitable. Too adventurous. Too much. But you took a chance on him. You took a chance on yourself too. And look yourself now?

“I’m surprised. You’re lasting longer than I expected.”

You’re exactly where you thought you would be if you stayed with him.

“...im…impachi…” Your poor excuse of calling his name comes out of your mouth in a mess of slurred sounds and syllables. It’s one of the one things he didn’t do to you. He blindfolded you to keep your sensitivity heightened. He tied you up to keep you compliant in his treatment of you. But he didn’t gag you. He said he needed to hear directly from you when the moment called for it. He said he needed your responses in real time when he asked for them, and not a second later. Although that’s hard. That’s very, very hard considering everything that he has asked of you and subjected you so far. Not that he cares, of course. You doubt you would still be here if he was the sympathetic type anyway. “...Ji- Jin- Jinpa-”

You could hear him shuffling around the room. You could hear him writing in his notebook. You could hear him. But you couldn’t touch him. You couldn’t feel him. And he wouldn’t touch you. He said he had no need to. He said he was going to observe you today and that if you couldn’t handle that, he’d turn everything off and kick you out of his place the second you show any sign of disobedience. So close, yet so far. It almost felt lonely, the way he treated you. Cruel even. 

But you were never alone. You were never not in the state of being watched. You could sense his eyes on you. You could sense him watching carefully every time your hips jerked sporadically and every time your chest heaved up and down in an attempt to desperately and greedily fill your lungs with air. You could sense him watching intently as drool dribbles down your chin and neck and breasts as struggle to stay sane. Hell, you feel as though you could even feel when his eyes zero in on the dirtiest parts of your body as he watches your pussy grow creamier and creamier while doing its very best to survive the toy that was currently stuffed inside of it. 

All because he wanted to research how well you take what is given to you. All because he wanted to see exactly what he was working with. All because he wanted to bear witness to how far your limits can take you. Because he wanted a show. Because you are the show. 

Now, your wrists were bound to the headboard by a chain, hanging just above you and behind your head as you sat propped up. Although he was kind enough to ensure that the inside of the cuffs was lined with something more comfortable, that didn’t mean he wasn’t cruel to you in other places. One of those places being your legs. Though, you aren’t too surprised he did this to you. He hated your nasty habit of squeezing your legs shut and turning away from him whenever you started to feel too sensitive. So his solution for that was easy- by strapping you down with letter restraints that bound your ankle to your thigh and by keeping a careful watch to ensure that you weren’t doing anything that you weren’t supposed to do. That is to say, something he didn’t want you to do.

But perhaps the worst of it all was not the way he tied you up like some doll or toy to play with. Rather, it was his use of toys on you that had you cursing his name with every coherent thought you could muster.

He had used many on you throughout the duration of the night. He said he wanted to test your limits. He said he wanted to see how far you could take it. How far you could take what he gave you without crumbling to dust in front of him and breaking into the tiny, fragile thing he knows you truly are. But you haven’t succumbed to that feeling yet. You haven’t broken down just yet. Though at what cost, you’re not sure. After all, there’s a lot happening to you right now. A lot.

For starters, there were the beads. When he first brought you bad to his room and began ordering you to get undressed, one of the first things he did was bend you over and plug up your puckered hole with a pair of anal beads. You were expecting them, of course. You know Jinpachi likes to do just about everything with you- including lubing up a few toys and stuffing them inside your holes. But as the night progresses, the anal beads were pulled out and replaced time and time again. And each time, they were replaced with a size just slightly bigger than the last. He was training your body. But he was training it in the way that only he saw fit. Making things go faster and faster. Not allowing you to settle into a routine. Being proud that you could take a little rough treatment and still be his sloppy, brave little toy for the night. And currently, you’re sitting with a set of anal beads inside of you that just feels too big to ignore. So much so that every little shift of your hips has you practically whining from the sensation. Like it’s just too much.

Though, you imagined the vibrator on your clit helped keep you relaxed and arousal to not beg for mercy yet. 

Today, it’s a small vibrator. One of those little bullet-sized ones that Jinpachi always threatens to slip inside your panties if you don’t behave for him. Though you know it’s not his top choice. He always seemed to favor the ones shaped like wands. The ones he could pick up and control and tease you with himself were still remaining the perfect distance away to observe your body’s tolerance for pleasure. But he wanted something that would stay with all your shifting around. He wanted something that allowed him to be the perfect observer and not have to take on the role of the occasional participant whenever he needed to fix things up to be just perfect for him. So he taped it to your clit and keep it buzzing at a nice and low and constant setting that was just enough to keep you drooling, but enough to distract you from your true foe. The real monster.

The machine set up to continuously stuff your poor, abused cunt with a dildo whose size you thought you would never get used to. 

You didn’t get a chance to see it before he took away your sight. And you didn’t get a chance to feel it either before you found experiencing the permanent strain of your hands hanging over your head. But you know what the first few times felt like. You know how it felt going through the first few times it pushed passed your lower lips and filled you with an artificial thickness that just felt too unreal to be true. You know how much you cried out in those moments. How loud you got. How much you squirmed. But that didn’t stop the arm of the machine from pumping the dildo inside of you and dragging it up and down your warm, wet, sensitive walls at a consistent pace. That didn’t stop Jinpachi from occasionally making it slow that it felt like nothing only to suddenly change things up on you and make it go for so fast that it felt like it was trying to hammer away at your body from the inside out.

Because Jinpachi told you to take it. He told you that he doesn’t waste his time with quitters. He told you that he would never fuck you again if you didn’t push yourself to be perfect for him. He told you that you would never feel his cock inside you or even get the chance to touch or suck or lick it once more if you couldn’t take this.

And truthfully, if you were in a better state of mind, you might have considered backing out. But you weren’t in a better state of mind. You were just the girl who Jinpachi nurtured into being his. The girl who knew he was too much for her, yet decided to stick around anyway. The girl who just wanted him to love her. To be proud of her. So you took it like a champ. But that’s okay- because you’re his champ. You’re his. 

And that's all you wanted. That’s why you stuck around. That’s why you’ve endured all this day after day and night after night. That’s why you’ve endured him. Because you want to be great. Because you want to make him proud. Because you want to be his. For as long as possible. For as long as you can.

For as long as he doesn’t find someone else that’s better than you.

[biibini]

GIRL. can you do some Modern Mizu headcanons when shes on her period??? I JUST WANT TO HUG HER😭💔

grumpy girlfriend ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

modern!mizu headcanons on her period

tags: fluff, taigen being an ass, sweet mizu, snuggle bug modern mizu, mood swings, competitive mizu bc taigen wont shut up, cuddling, taigen hunger games fan confirmed???

a/n: im suffering on mine while starting my quarter and my teachers alreadyyyy be pmo!! cant wait for s2 to come already (and so will i).

modern!mizu would have light periods

with the exception of the second day.

ive stated this in my reader gets periods hc post BUT

just bc theyre light doesn’t mean she’s off the hook

all she rlly needs to buy is the pink ones (iykyk)

basically she needs the thin ones most of the time

(idk what the colors are outside the US sorry international readers)

however…

modern!mizu ‘s second day: hell. on. earth.

if she’s raising hell in the show, she’s going thru that hell in this modern!AU

the worst lower back pains when she wakes up

i fear her stomach will do a whole somersault and multiple olympic level flips throughout the second day

the amount of fatigue hits her one day and then is completely manageable afterwards

and yes she will bitch and moan ab this when she wakes up

You feel Mizu stir awake beside you, her eyebrows furrowing into the pillow.

“Good morning”, you whisper close to her ear, gently kissing down from her cheek to her neck.

“Mmfm… morning…”, Mizu groans, stretching awake, her eyes fluttering open to a brand new day.

You look up to meet her eyes as the morning sun peaked through the curtains.

“You feel okay?”

She shook her head no, grumbling about sleeping in more. She attempts to stretch her back. However, you find her face twist into discomfort and fatigue, groaning once again from the shooting pains in her back.

“Fucking hell”, she mumbles, “I’m going to kill my back.”

“I think that would kill you first.”, you answer back. “I’ll go get tea and aspirin for you, wait here.”

modern!mizu’s mood is usually stable, except that calm she tries to maintain slips away on her period

she gets more competitive than irritated on her bad days

taigen pisses her off a little bit A LOT MORE more than usual

one time he wanted to play a match of archery against mizu

mind you, both of them had little to no experience with a bow and arrow

taigen thought it would be fun for shits and giggle because he saw katniss everdeen do it and thought she was sick asf

yes hes watched the whole hunger games series bc he whole heartedly believes he can win the 74th games… i’d love to see him try to survive too.

(anyways side lore over)

and guess who ends up getting wrapped up in it… our girl mizu

“Taigen, for the last time, I’m not playing make believe Hunger Games with you.”, Mizu grumbled, continuing to solve her homework.

“It’s not make believe, it’s archery. Just because it was in Hunger Games doesn’t mean its not real.”, Taigen claimed. “Can you get that through your thick skull or do I have to stick an arrow in your head first?”

Mizu’s head lifted up, her eyes squinting in annoyance. In her head, an imaginary arrow struck him at the very moment.

“You think you’re so good at everything, huh.”, Mizu scoffs, placing down her pencil.

“I just know you’ll be an easy target.”, Taigen declares, his face smug with confidence.

Mizu challenges him. “And I know you’ll be an even easier one.”

they both end up bothering akemi, begging her to borrow her bows and arrows for this competition

of course, she complies with one request: allowing an audience (you, her, and ringo) to watch and fairly judge each one’s skills

all judged fairly, with taigen as the winner by one point ahead

and mizu demanding a rematch

to this day, she’s still bitter ab that competition

modern!mizu enjoys getting a little special treatment from time to time

yes she does spoil you quite a lot with her actions

but small things such as prepping the snacks before binge watching or making the tea for her or letting her be a small spoon when cuddling warms her heart

acts of service warms her heart

“Nooo, don’t leave yet.”, Mizu grudges, playfully pulling at your arm as you escape her grasp.

“Then you’re not getting your tea.”, you jest.

You walk to the counter, pouring the hot water into your mugs. Coming back to the couch with herbal teas in hand, you smile and hand one to Mizu first.

“See, I’m back. And I have a surprise for you too.”

You come close to Mizu, planting a soft, gentle kiss on her lips. Mizu, now delighted by the tea, thanks you with another sweet kiss, grinning from ear to ear.

when it’s only you and modern!mizu, she becomes a snuggle bug

when you’re watching a show or before falling asleep, she will steathily and silently find herself much closer to you

sneaking an arm around you

and find yourself wrapped up in her arms while she enjoys the labors of her fruit

(sorry i don’t make the rules i just follow them)

she lovessss to wrap her arms around you at night and be a big spoon so she can hug you all night

or be a little spoon with your palms facing her lower stomach, totally not providing her with a makeshift heating pad

You wake up in the middle of the night, finding Mizu on her side, her arms away from you reaching out to the darkness. You shift over, wrapping her closer to yours with gentle pull. A small hum erupts from the sleeping Mizu, as her arm reaches behind, lazily tugging your arm.

“Yes?”, you ask, wondering what her next move was.

She drops your arm over her stomach. A tug pulls your wrist under her baggy shirt, your palm making contact with her lower stomach. You hear a delighted sigh, as Mizu let go of your wrist.

You patiently waited what would follow this move. But all you felt was the slight rise and fall of her breath.

In the morning, you question if she recalled what she did.

“Hey baby?”

“Yeah?”

You looked up at her.

“Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night?”

Mizu shook her head no.

“Did something happen?”, she asked, slightly concerned.

“No, not really.”, you lied.

The cuddling was cute already. Her doing it unknowingly? Even cuter.

“I just thought I heard something.”

“Ok schizo.”, she teased, smiling before taking another sip of her morning tea.

“Hey!”

if you thought she was competitive on her own, ohhhh goodness her mood swings make her more merciless

modern!mizu would get irritated over the littlest things, especially if they build up throughout the day and there’s no time to release that pent up energy

you end up with a grumpy mizu

the best remedy for this? telling her she’ll get surprise if she does something for you

it takes her mind off of her worries/complaints from the day

and even if the surprise was a big ol’ hug and loving kisses, it would relieve some of the stress mizu was holding onto

“Welcome back.”, you greet her, giving her a peck on the cheek. “Thank you for getting the ingredients.”

Mizu placed the grocery bags on the counter.

“So what was my surprise?”, she questioned, curious of what’s to come.

“Just this.”, you answer, wrapping your arms around her neck, pulling her close for a loving kiss.

As you pull away, you see her eyes light up, a much different set than her annoyed, gloomy self before going on a grocery trip. Her arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close once again.

“Just that?”, she says, mimicking the sweetness in your voice before going in for another kiss.

“Besides dinner, it would also be a few more kisses.”

You answer, smiling before going in for another.

“I like the sound of that.”

[dedfishs]

ranmaru has bpd or atleast in my opinion

yttd spoilers!!!!!!

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okay so firstly i just wanna say that this isnt me saying that hes totally bpd coded, and that alot of this is just me projecting hard onto him 😭😭😭😭 but despite that i do still think that he has alot of bpd symptoms from everything we saw of him in the short time he was in the game because bpdmaru is REAL TO ME!!!!!!!!

buckle up cause this is gonna be a long one

1. chronic feelings of emptiness

this can be seen in his reference sheet, where it states that he generally just goes to school and isnt passionate about anything, as well as sometimes going into spurts of worry

(sry for the terrible quality)

bpd and feelings of emptiness can come from many things, such as being abandoned (or having perceived being abandoned) but for ranmaru, i personally think it stems for an insecure sense of self

bpd can lead people into having a very unstable sense of image, which can also be accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. and for me personally, this feeling just causes me to not feel anything, feel like nothing is important and that im just neutral about everything, but there is still a sense of dread in my chest, which i think could explain ranmarus spurts of worries.

its important to remember that this can present in a totally different way for one person than it would for the other, and that feelings of emptiness can last for a short while, or for a prolonged period of time. everyone with bpd is different and different situations can trigger different emotions ^_^

2. ranmarus relationship with sara

okay so first i just wanna clarify this ofcourse isnt canon and is just my own interpretation for ranmarus actions and his relationship witbsara 😭😭😭😭 but everytime someone calls him a yandere a majestic angel with beautiful prince disorder loses their wings

ranmarus behaviour towards sara is a MAJOR topic in the yttd fandom, and personally i do think it has to do with bpd

for alot of people with bpd, when they meet someone new who is kind, shows them genuine care and is overall just friendly towards them, the bpd person can view them veryyyyyyyyy highly, and can become attached very quickly. this is called idealisation

"Idealization is a psychological or mental process of attributing overly positive qualities to another person or thing. It's a way of coping with anxiety in which a person is viewed as perfect, or as having exaggerated positive qualities."

i do think this is what is happening with ranmaru. having only met sara very recently (literally like. 2 Days or something) she makes him feel as if he wants to survive, basically saying that she gave his life a meaning. in my own experience, idealisation can happen EXTREMLEY quickly into meeting someone, and it can make me feel as if my life is suddenly lifted and that everything is great because of this person. not only that, but these feelings and this strong attachment can lead to the person doing alot for whoever they feel this way about, which is what i think could tie into ranmaru saying he would kill for sara. i think this could also be tied to impulsivity

trigger warning for next part for sewerslide, so pls be careful ^_^ ⚠️

3. suicidal ideation

its basically already canon that ranmaru is suicidal.

he said that being with sara makes him feel as though he wants to live, implying that he didnt feel that way before.

suicidal ideation is extremely common for people who have bpd

-

-

this is just my own analysis of ranmaru as a character and i ofcourse could be overlooking things. i also havent played ytts yet so if theres anything else in there that could be seen as a symptom of bpd pls lmk!!! :333

But dear god please stop calling ranmaru a yandere You owe everyone with bpd a fat check for contributing to the stigma

conclusion ranmaru is bpd cored and awesome

[urautismdiagnosis]

Kwazii design Take 1 (plus Kobb!)

sorry if my info seems wack I'm only now just starting to catch up to above and beyond lol

{ LONG POST BUT IT DOES INCLUDE SOME HEADCANONS ABOUT KWAZII AND HOW HE JOINS THE OCTONAUTS}

Ok so I'm gonna be honest this is from like 2 weeks ago when I was first getting back into the octonauts hyper fixation and the way I've drawn kwazii Has Changed since then but its still pretty close lol

Btw, that's Kobb, someone from his "mysterious pirate past" loll. His name is Kobb because its inspired from Japanese Kobolds, Hes a doberman.

He comes off as a guy with very quiet and threatening aura full of silent intense states, but really he's a sweetheart. He's not very talkative, but he adores children (knew kwazii since he was a kitten) and is the type to take the blame to keep others safe. He's really a shantyman, (I'll have to dump all my pirate lore and how it works in the octonauts universe in another post, I'll link it when I do) and that doesn't just mean like singing songs, but also communication of ship orders via long distance with flags, whistles, howls, and such.

He also knows how to work a canon :)

INFODUMP ON KWAZII HERE:

I would give kwazii some sick pirate earrings and all that jazz, but honestly dude lets be real there be BARACUDAS and YEAH.

He switches his eye patch between his eyes because apparently pirates mightve used em to effectively train their eyes to see in the dark better? Very cool to me, so for below deck and night raids which makes sense. The smudged eyeliner is also just Kohl, which is an old thing that alot people still use because they believe it improves the health and vision of the eyes. Makes extra sense when I remember cats see in the dark lol.

Kwazii was a bit of a lookout in his preteen years and such.

Ive got a lot of ideas and like genuine plot for the octonauts in general so I'll have to make a list and post em one by one.

Basic timeline for kwazii though (Im explaining how pirates work in this universe on another post) so kwaziis born into a pirate clan and well his grandad was the captain and all that jazz. He's raised with em and gets the Pirate Education of reading, math, navigation, Pirate Battle Tactics, Pirate Politics, how to bribe sea life, how to stab and no be stabbed, steering boats, water currents and maps, How To Survive If ShipWrecked, and etc.

All cool, all silly pirate times for our ADHD kitty, around age 10 is when calico jack left in my timeline, (also y'all I'm just now getting to watching above and beyond so if I mess stuff up gimme some grace please :'> ), and they expected the guy to come back a year or two after satisfying the treasure itch but he just... didn't.

3 or so years later, some drama happens in the crew happens and eventually kwazii ends up going solo at the age of 13, (he wants to get treasure and adventure just like his grandad,maybe even find him!) its pretty rough at first and the most social interaction he gets is sea life or just people at ports he visits lol. He does successfully hunt out treasure (and bully unethical fishermen, he and the dolphin pod are still great friends) and etc. He even found an abandoned lighthouse on an island (weird, but hey! free pirate hideout) and he was just living like that till he ended up meeting none other than captain barnacles!

The thing is the octonauts were like like getting a crew together at all, and the only one that was really there (other than tweak and the prof) was shellington and well. Needless to say they're understaffed lmso.

So barnacles has been chasing this dolphin pod, well he tried to nicely ask if he could tag some of em for scientific purposes but well, they thought it was a game and now they're convinced they're playing tag. Of course the captain still isn't experienced in Being An Octonaut, and well gup A might end up getting wrecked by some rocks he crashes into. And then he's just stranded on the rocks above the waves and oh wow did you know that the land above the water is even hotter than the water?

Anyways he's just melting and questioning his life choices because, like what's he supposed to do wait for tweak to pedal to him on the gup f 😫🙏like be for real man that must've suuuuccked

anyways he just sees this tiny boat with this even tinier guy on it??? sailing to him???

(sorry if they sound outta character lol)

"Oh... H-HhhIiiii"

"Y'know them phins told me some big furry thing crashed but I didn't expect it to be- You alright big fella?"

"mM nO I think.. YeAhp, Im ALL GO ooOD."

"Ive got shade and water?"

Oh sh- fr? " Thank you tiny man"

"Awh man ya don't even got a wallet on ya, oh well."

--------------

"So are you still a beached whale or ah?"

"I-I'm fine, thank you I simply, well I'm feeling better I just need you to drop me off at this location."

"Y'sure you're not still about t' feed the fish? On accounta all o the uh, squiffy looks ye have?"

At this point barnacles is just doubly wondering what his life is, because either he's still under the effects of overheating or this guy has said "me clipper" in reference to his boat 3 times already. He was actually very grateful but honestly was this guy even real???

"I... don't think so?"

"M yeah yeah, so what's a walkin Nothern whale even doin out here?"

Was that an insult or- No he seems far too friendly- If a bit rough, maybe scraggly looking-

After a very lengthy, educated explanation of his goal and dreams of the octonauts and all they would accomplish- He'd realized the cat had been stared at him with the biggest blankest eyes he'd ever seen-

And then in a second they snapped to clarity-

"OHHHHHHHH- so yer like, some sorta ah, sciency type... a nerd ha! Well alright that's nice for ya"

The ginger cat didn't even have an ounce of mocking in his tone either- He was really just stating a fact. He really hoped he seemed like a strong dependable nerd at least. ᴹᵃʸᵇᵉ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵃ ˡᶦᵗᵗˡᵉ ʰᵉʳᵒᶦᶜ⁻

They'd bid farewell. A stranger helped a stranger and that was the end.

Or it wouldve been until he'd been struggling to find some little sea creatures in a reef and he'd just so happened to come across a certain cocky cat. Of course, the guy was happy to help, he was friends with the little critters after all!

Silly fun little coincidence and wow kwazii sure is decently good with this haha well good bye (again)-

They meet again and this time Kwaziis boat has been absolutely wrecked. And wow captain you're not really gonna wreck a poor pirates boat (one who helped ya plenty) to just suffer when your whole motto is explore RESCUE protect are ya?

So until Kwazii could get to his safe spot, (an abandoned lighthouse he turned into his own 'secret pirate base') to repair the thing, he was... kinda just stuck in the octopod.

And well- He was grateful, and very very curious, being cat and all that.

He'd never dove so deep into the water before! And he certainly hadn't ever seen such cute curious creatures as the (admittedly very young at the time) vegimals, and well of course he'd help Tweak try out the new speedy gup she was makin, anythin to help around-

By the time they get there well.... Barnacles has realized that Kwazii is well, Kwazii is kind of the exact person he'd been struggling to find.

Quick to learn, quicker to act, understood navigation and sea currents, gifted at diving, capable of steering subs well, crafty when dealing with the unique challenges of dealing with sea life and-

Well, he was also possibly a very good and kind friend. A strange one, but well, a very very good one.

They were about to say good bye, but well, the captain lamented on how he hoped kwazii would have good luck with treasure hunting, and he well maybe he kinda hoped he'd find someone at least half as good as him to help.

And well, who said he couldn't be a pirate AND an octonaut? Since the captain, you know, really needed the help- BESIDES, he probably had a way better of finding treasure when going UNDER the water- AND WELL, what pirate could say no to adventure and-

And kwazii was not a legally recognized citizen of any country so he couldn't legally become an octonaut.

Getting legal documentation for a lone pirate cat he'd met in the middle of the ocean wasn't on the captains bingo card. At least he... sort of knew what taxes were....

"Well what's your place of birth at least?!"

"Uhhh I dunno, a boat?"

"Okay- But, But w he r e ?"

"The ocean, matie???"

"In what waters though? Like- Like near what country???"

"... I dunno just like, the middle 'o it?"

"Kwazii I cant put "the middle of the ocean" as your place of birth!"

"Why not? its true-"

A very fun process for everyone that didn't include long wait times or long explanations of why on earth aren't you legal anywhere- or even shorter "explanations" of thats what makes a mysterious pirate past mysterious me heartie

anyways my brain is broken have fun lol

also I finally finished captain barnacles drawing today lol I'll post later

[transmasc-wizard]

blinks at you. i <3 vampirism + devastating loneliness can yu tell me more

blinks back with my wide empty eyeballs

cw for parasites, death, blood, etc. vampire stuff. the vampires. with the blood and death and diseases. you expected this

so im currently playing with vampirism as a two part disease. part one is a magical virus that turns old spirits who got lost on their way to the underworld into these decaying, angry shell of themselves, which collapse very rapidly into parasites that search desperately for a host to sustain their energy that should already be gone. the second part is... well, that parasite. the host is what we'd think of as the "vampire" but the parasite is the "vampirism" and the vampire is very much a victim of it. vampirism attaches itself to a person's heart when they come close to death in proximity of it, keeping them alive but forcing them into a trade that never ends. (vampires are often the end result of an angry ghost haunting someone.)

the parasite exists in the same level of reality as magic and spiritual energy do. if you were to carve a vampire open, you could tell there was something wrong feasting on its heart, but you could not cut it out. it's not physically tangible enough for that. the vampirism spends every second of every day begging for spiritual energy, which it takes as either a slow draw from the vampire itself (slowly killing them), from the energy of people around the vampire (this is called weak feeding, and is more like a snack at best), or from the physical blood of people around the vampire (proper feeding). the vampire actively chooses to do the latter two, or else the vampirism takes the first. the longer this relationship goes on, the larger the parasite grows, and the more the vampire has to feed.

this creates a scenario where, to the vampire, they have only one being that they can reliably give to instead of take from: the vampirism. but the thing is, like... it doesn't actually care. vampirism has no feelings. it attaches in a final burst of fear and anger, but in the actual form of a parasite, vampirism isn't the ghost it came from; that ghost is gone. the vampire is stuck feeding something that genuinely cannot even care for it in some fucked up toxic way. it's just hungry. it sees no difference between the vampire and the victims. a vampire can survive for a very, very long time as long as they don't sustain life threatening injuries, but the parasite isn't going to save them if they do. additionally, there is no such thing as a community for vampires. vampires are either people who are infected by the parasite originally, or people who narrowly survive being fed on by another vampire with a parasite large enough that a bit of it broke off. there is no real common thread or community, because they're scared of each other. most vampires despise other vampires. vampires also cannot find solace in magical communities, because the parasite both impairs most of their spells and stops their ability to tell when they're pushing themselves too far, so a vampire who was or wanted to be a magic user almost always has to give that up to save their own life.

most vampires live and die never understanding how vampirism works. many die in the first year because they don't know how to reliably feed themselves. Orion goes seven years surviving on just "weak feeding". the parasite doesn't tell them anything. the only reason vampires can know its there is because the nature of vampirism gives them a few extra powers; increased strength and speed, ability to communicate with and locate/sense the dead, and ability to hold someone's spirit in place when they're dying for a brief amount of time (this is so feeding can take the most of a person's spirit at once). between that and the constant hunger... well, some figure out they are feeding something that is not themselves, and those are the ones who survive. friendships are always incredibly strained, because the majority of vampires will find themselves weak feeding constantly. they need to. so they see themselves, and they understand they are hurting their loved ones and destroying relationships, but they barely know how or why.

Orion in particular was a very community-oriented person before he turned. he wanted to be a doctor. he wanted a family. now he feels constantly stuck in a loop of selfishness and guilt, and that's BEFORE he starts... uh... literally ripping people's throats out and eating them. after he turns, people can tell something is wrong, and they push him away, which furthers his idea he is fundamentally bad. the first person he ever feels like he can talk to is Arthur, and that is because he takes comfort in realizing Arthur is even more selfish than he is, as Arthur is someone who kills and hurts without the threat of a parasitic disease looming over his head.

but yeah. TLDR. becoming a vampire is finding yourself in debt for the rest of your life to something that is a part of you and cannot be carved out but forces you to hurt yourself and others every moment. and it doesn't care. it doesn't love you. it needs you, but it doesn't love you. and it is the closest thing to love you have unless you are willing to risk the constant unending fear of irreversibly harming the real flesh and blood people you care about. most vampires become incredibly isolated because they can't emotionally handle anything else. but that's hard to handle, too. vampires are. sad.

ty for the ask :3 !!

[d3ard3ughter]

Alex survives the fight with tim but due to the fact, the severity of the injures (medical special interest at play here) he can no longer speak, Alex internalizes deserving it

Like he can live with the disability it’s not what bothers him even if it takes adjusting its the guilt

Maybe alex gets back the traveling flannel to do communication

Before he starts learning to sign

Tim feels real guilty for it and alex is also drowning in his own guilt and tim is trying ro help

Alex is pushing him away too

They’ll cuddle but alex doesn’t wanna talk

Tim will bring him paper

He’ll sign to him because hes learning too but alex is unresponsive to it for a while

And alexs just kinda in a stupor

Because whats the point of being spared after all hes done even if its for the right thing

Hes not going out of his way ro do anything to himself he doesn’t have tbe energy but he sure as fuck isn’t going out his way ro do what he needs ro as well

Tim sees bit of his younger self in alex tbere i think

It’s passive sucidial ideation and alex won’t stop any situations if they happen

Tims scared with that for a bit too

Because he’s experienced both sides of actively and not actively and he knows alex won’t actively do something but maybe even a simple task will lead to something

Hes just trying to get him to eat too

Do things

He washes his hair for him and stuff

Plus the semi-dating relationship too they have iys so hard ro explain and then alex will cry id they explain

Trying to celebrate alexs birthday

Jess comes by too

And alex has been dreading being face to face with jess and she doesn’t seem mad

Hes just scared how shes gonna look at him and why she’d wanna come by

Tim ans jess make the cake and all

They try talking

Talk about things and jay comes up and jess tries to circle bacj

And alex stops responding + amy finding tbe camera on Alex’s birthday so…No judgment with it either

Basic reminders too

“Sit up in the tub”

“Drink some water”

Tims trying his hardest

It’s never quite defined but they basically are dating despite everything

I’ve thought about that too

Its such a somber time probably

And + jess reminds him of amy and jay

Specifically disregarding all memories in general

They bring presents and all and alex just wants to curl up

Hes not made to do anything but jess’ presence just has him not having it

+her behaving so gently ro him because thats not how jess behaves and he knows its not because od the disability is just because of that fragile mental state Tim knows alex is smart too so he knows alex is liable to just let something happen

So sit up

Hes gotta sit up

Alex calls her on it and jess is also like “im still piecing stuff together and i don’t know if you’re okay with how i normally behave” But also tim knows the thought process

Tims just making sure

He sees the scarring on alexs neck when they’re cuddling too maybe he traces it and such

Alex lets him

Going out the way he make his favorite food and stuff to try and give motivation when he’s trying to get him to eat

Alex makes it a little easier because he feels bad about making tim so much when he doesn’t have to and he shouldn’t and so he doesn’t stay on his leg too long

Maybe jess tries behaving a bit (this is hc they wrre all friends as kids propaganda

normal to see how it goes but she’s treading carefully and alex just asks her why she would even wanna see him Jess also sticking with “we’re all we have left, we stick together. You aren’t just leaving me like that.”

And alex says shw shoukdnt Tim has Alex’s gun for obvious reasons

Alex still has the picture of amy under his pillow

He has a little wall of old pictures

But he refuses to touch any photo books ars film of back then

Also tim probably was the one who went out of his way to get alex ro thw hospital and alex says he should’ve left him because he wouldn’t feel like this

And why him and not jay but he doesn’t say that because he knows itd be hurtful and he doesn’t have to worry abt something slipping because he has to do it to say stuff he thinks its a blessing his mouth cant fuck shit uo anymore

And he knows it’d probably be selfish for jay to live and suffer too and to let tim know he thought that

Alex thinks he should’ve just choked on his blood and laid there

Cold like sarah

Maybe he could’ve not stabbed her stopped it or gotten her help but he let her bleed and he didn’t have to shoot jay he could’ve not

His hands were on amys neck he had control he could’ve not he couldve let go

He couldve kept seth alive

And brian wouldn’t of fallen in succession ro everything And alex wants to cry but it’s all he’s done about this and about everything in his life

But it’s his stress response and he hates it but another fic I have planned

[wazzappp]

Ok @moosemonstrous here we fuckin go.

OK SO. I apologize if it comes off more Evangellion than Pacific Rim but I thought that making The Charger more slender would help to differentiate it and allow for a focus on agility (also helps it to look more skeletal and unsettling).

The Charger is built in layers. An outer layer that constitutes the armor, a thinner covering, metal scaffolding, secondary thin covering, and then finally the essential wiring that makes the 'nervous system' of the Jaeger. Most of the damage (corruption scars, nicks, paint chipping) is just cosmetic, and the structural nature of the Jaeger is intact.

HOWEVER. The same can not be said of the reactor core. At some point (maybe during Eli's death?) corruption made its way behind the main fans of the outer engine and into the main reactor that powers the Jaeger. In theory this should lead to a catastrophic failure, but in this instance Im thinking there was a chemical reaction that essentially stabilized the corrosive nature of the Corruption (were gonna circle back to that).

For the most part my version of Robbies suit is fairly standard. I added an orange tint to his helmet screen for flavor because hey. Why not.

The spine of the suit is probably newly integrated to allow for an updated interface, I imagine theres at least a little development in the technology between the time Eli dies and Robbie comes into play. That would make the suit a weird mishmash of past and new technology which could be VERY fun.

Also I LOVED the white accents @cicada-candy added for their design but I didn't want to steal ideas so I just added it in my own places. Your art fucks severely bro I just wanted to make sure and let you know that <3

TIME FOR MY FAVORITE PART: SPECULATION ABOUT THE CORRUPTION AND ITS THEORETICAL GENETIC EFFECTS IN DOSES ON A SUBJECT!!!!!! (AKA self indulgence part 2 electric boogaloo)

I believe you mentioned the Corruption being a Neurotoxin which would be Very fun and VERY cool but I also have a suggestion. Mainly because you also referenced an increase in Robbies strength, as well as another person who got fuckin deaded shortly after.

A rapid growth in muscle density to allow for this strength would be very interesting, but why would the Corruption cause that? Simple answer; it isn't. At least not intentionally. Whats actually happening is a kind of nerve damage that changes the brains regulation of muscular exertion. Our brains really only let us use a certain percentage of our real strength, because if we just let loose and used it all we would cause significant physical damage to ourselves. Like. ripping your own tendons free from their anchors. you could break your own bones. you would die SO fast bro.

Now it is POSSIBLE to access this strength in situations of extreme stress and thats how you get people lifting cars off of loved ones, but this does still cause damage. It also gets more complicated when you consider Fast Twitch muscle reactions but for the sake of simplicity: You Would Die.

So a release of cortisol and other stress hormones, combined with a lessened ability to control strength. This means they would be USING that strength A LOT against ANYONE AND EVERYONE. But maintaining this sort of metabolism is not reasonable. Someone suffering from Corruption would likely also suffer from Hypoglycemia fatally. So extremely strong, extremely scared, and extremely short lived is the kind of deal we would be talking about here.

SO. Having said ALL OF THAT. WHAT IS ROBBIES DEAL. Well heres my proposal: The Corruption is a virus that causes neurodegenerative disease.

If Robbie was exposed to very small amounts of it as a child, it's possible it was inactive or defective, which would have allowed for an immunization point. Its also highly possible that this is a virus that can not survive (well i say survive very lightly. theres significant debate as to wether viruses are actually alive at all but I digress) outside its usual area AKA Inside a demon. He could have been exposed through contaminated water, direct contact, maybe even breathing burned version through the air. Either way, he came into contact with a weakened version of the virus and it helps him later on.

As he comes into DIRECT contact with Corruption via plugging into The Charger this is when we would start to see some more interesting effects. This Corruption would still be different though because of the aforementioned stabilizing chemical reaction in the reactor. Also, because I think Eli's DNA would be integrated into it. This provides Robbie with genetic compatibility for the virus to jump off of. Remember, viruses don't want to kill a host, they just want to reproduce as much as possible (which does end up killing a host but still). And a fun fact about viruses is that we never actually get rid of them, we just get rid of the symptoms. Once you have it its in you forever.

SO. 1. Immune response from Robbies body begins to cause the nervous damage that would allow for his rapid increase in strength. 2.Immune system recognizes the genetic material is familiar (Eli doing something good even inadvertently I guess). 3. Immune system neutralizes the virus and incorporates it into Robbies genetic coding. All good right? Happy ending? WRONG.

BECAUSE WHEN THERE ARE COPYING ERRORS IN YOUR DNA (SOMETIMES FROM VIRUSES) WHAT DO WE CALL IT?? DING DING DING 10 POINTS TO THE MUTUAL THAT SAID ✨MUTATION✨

This virus still carries genetic material from demons, this would also be getting integrated into Robbies DNA. Places like his spine which would have the most regular contact with the Corruption would probably take the brunt of these changes. It's possible that the nerve damage never truly goes away and he continuously tears and then rebuilds those muscles, resulting in overall increased strength thats technically?? stabilized?? Also I could totally see his body going 'oh shit were finally growing with decent access to fuel? BET' and just. Reactivates the growth plates in his bones ('Look! I've fixed his runt of the litter insecurity!' 'YOU FUCKED UP A PERFECTLY GOOD PILOT IS WHAT YOU DID. LOOK AT HIM. HES GOT ANXIETY ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS HUMANITY').

Oh yeah its also worth noting that this would be like. Pretty painful. We're talking constant soreness, cramps, deep aches that just won't go away. General suffering <3

Of course tapetum lucidum OF COURSE TEEF obviously as if I could go without it. You can get funky with mutations because hey. fucky wucky demon genome integration whoop whoop. Also could be interesting to see damaged areas on the Charger manifest on Robbie as damaged tissue. His skin says 'AH. Damage' and copies itself as scar tissue instead of the usual.

Oh god Ive been writing for a solid hour and a half I was supposed to be asleep a while ago ok. Moose I love this au and its making me unwell thank you for sharing with the class I hope you will consider my virus proposal for body horror purposes.

[crguang]

I just woke up from a dream where after a big battle Kafka was losing a lot of blood fast and she was lying on the ground. I rushed to save her and when Kafka saw that somebody was coming to help her, he face contorted in disgust and she leaned away from my touch. But as she realized it was me her gaze softened so much and a smile went across her face and i could just tell that there is nobody in the world she wanted to see more in the universe at this moment than me. The thing was that as I began to administer medical care, neither of us knew if Kafka was going to survive or not, so she keeps on alternating between her typical non-chalance and these moments of pure vulnerability where she is genuinely frightened for her life but is so happy that im there for her bc there is nobody else she would want for her last moments than me. And then of course she just snaps back to her typical emotional distance. Anyway. Woke up from that before it could be resolved and I knew immediately that I needed to tell you that before the memory of the dream left me.

oh my god. why is this hitting me… you know her so well for your subconscious to portray her this accurately hdhdhfj, the initial guarded reaction to “oh, they’re here”, wow… this is some stuff i’d write fr. i totally see her keeping up the stupid jokes and flirting because even if she doesn’t know whether she’ll make it or not, she’s the type to want to keep her composure for multiple reasons (one of then being if youre panicky asf she’ll take it upon herself to calm you down). you’re trying to keep her alive and she’s like “heh, at least i’m leaving with a good view.” but at the same time, she’s now considering the very real possibility of dying so she’s saying all those things she doesn’t want to regret never saying/you never knowing. i also love the (new) idea that she has so much faith in the script that she previously never considered the possibility of it failing, so she could be blindsided by that as well which would play a role in her being more vulnerable. though i dont think she’d be scared to die, i think she would be extremely dissatisfied and she’d try to cover it up but deep down she’d hate that it ended there because she still hasn’t gotten the thing she wants most and all shes sacrificed up to this point was for that purpose </3

im glad you wanted to tell me even though its super sad hdjfjvk i never really thought about how she would be like of she was on the brink of death but it’s an interesting idea considering her hot-and-cold personality

[pumpkinsy0]

now go ahead and talk ur shit about this band au….

its morning time and im already geared up lets go everyone

and for context, they havent met before this!!!

•soooo for the shepards band, theyre called a.c.t, or just act, anddddd pony, johnny, and dally dunno their band name, still trynna figure it out, BUT dally would most likely come up w some name to make em sound cool

•the shepards make alternative music, somethin involving rock??? gothic too!!! dally, johnny, and pony make music that sound like it came from a garage and its so lovely, idc what yall say, ponys the songwriter but also dally plays a part in that bit too

•angela is lead singer and guitarist, curly is back up singer and bassist, tim is manager/drummer, johnnys on the keyboard, dally is drummer, and pony is the guitarist and lead singer (he hates it so bad)

•theyre both underground bands, nuthin toooo crazy now, but this means that usually they take turns using the stage so natrually they try out doing the other

•NOW WHATS THE REASON FOR THE RIVALRY????only tim and kinda rlly knows and understands but its bc w the shepards theyre genuinely doing this for a living, its to survive and theyre doing this to prove something, and it agitates them so bad that dally, johnny, and pony have gotten this far and arent rlly taking it seriously yet r on the same level as them

•tim and dally r obviously the bigger rivals, angela scares johnny and angela doesnt care about em so theres no real fight going on between them, BUT PONY AND CURLY??? aw yea,,,,curlys hitting on pony to try and throw pony off and it works sometimes

•when they first met, bc of how ppl said pony acted, curly assumed pony rlly was a damn loser, but then he was actually left in a room w pony when he was more relaxed, heard pony rlly talk and was immediately like “woah mama😍😍😍”

•they got rlly close after this one party and they made out in a closet and nobody found out about it but lord was pony worried curly was gonna blabber about it, they still do it so pony cant b THAT scared, they even did it a few of their gigs cmon now

•the shepards watch them perform and r gossiping amongst themselves and curlys half doing it, he talks shit about dally and johnny, and kinda does the same to pony but instead says shit like “yea and look at how he sings,,,i wish he did it more cause he looks so STUPID,,,yea,,,stupid,,,” and stares for 2 mins straight

•during shows ik they take secret jabs at the other and and the audience is eating this beef up, ur either team a.c.t or team whatever the hell the others band name is

•ik their recordings while trying to practice a song funny as hell😭

•pony n curly got some secret songs theyve written together i just know it

•they all def stole their instruments lmao

[tu-es-gegg]

i fucking .

i hate that it feels liek, at least in the trailer, no one thought of minecraft earnestly. like they looked at screenshots and gists of the game and went "haha ok we can make this for the kids" like oh my god, playing minecraft survival is such an experience because your are dropped into this uncharted land that is just generated and theres so many thigns to discover, but ultimately the decision on how to play the game, the end goal of it all; thats entirely up to the player.

and early game, its so serene, calm as you explore for resources, whether its the caves or above ground, then nightfall hits and then its a fight for your life out in the wilderness. and its the management of what you have and what can you build witht e blocks you got, and its the horror of the big caves (esp with caves and cliffs) that are filled with goodies but also monsters, its the joy of making something out of the stuff you gathered out of your own efforts, the exhiliration of going through the laundry list of progression from the nether to the end and then comes the fight against the ender dragon. the end poem.. a piece of literature that tell you that the player is everything and anything it desires to be, the player is the universe and the universe says i love you because you are love.

minecraft is so earnest in its gameplay loop of "do whatever you want" and its been that way for years in terms of its main java version. theres no undertone of "needing to cater to a demographic" because minecraft is for everyone and mojang for so long have worked with that.

this minecraft movie trailer just...reeks of corporate. liek it comes from the mind of some business exec that scoffed at teh screenshots and short blurb of the game, and took all the fuckass tiring industry standard of photorealistic and choosing to live action just so they can have physical actors' pretty celeb faces in the marketing and also so they can abuse the vfx/cgi teams in teh middle of animation unions as if world is hard enough...

like anyone who plays minecraft understands this is an unrealistic game, trees fuckign float so why is it live action???, it should be ANIMATED BUT NOOooooo they want better pay i guess we better loophole with vfx teams too

its like worse because its doing an isekai plot and like,. dont understand why, is it just for the actors to do a "why the hell everything a square XD" or for them to laugh at minecraft mechanics being not to real life? is that it you want your "good writing points" for that? you want a gold star for being sooooo clever?

im so unbeleivably upset but it jsut frustrates me that outsider views of minecraft is that its just a "silly blocky kids game for kids" like they think they can make everythign into cubes and think that makes a good minecraft representation, when that is not ever the case, what makes a good minecrat rep is understanding the source material, hell just PLAYING THE GAME IS GOOD ENOUGH and i doubt anyone here has even played the game or at least done so with earnest attempt to understand the game's core values

im sorry im bitching so hard but i lvoe this game, i have played this game for years and watched people play it for even longer, im so sick and tired of people putting minecraft in a box when its so much bigger, its a game of so many possibilies just from vanilla, but people who dont even play the game dont respect it's openess and hoensty in that freedom that is the central part of the game. they jsut see bight coloured squares and think its just for the kids who are dumb and stupid enough to buy anyhting thats a cube.

[aito-mation]

over the hedge (2006) could very easily have been another middling 00's cg disaster w an all-star cast, forgettable and kinda phoned-in like open season or happily n'ever after (which came out the same year) but i think its actually a thoughtful adaptation w a lot of really good qualities. its about deprivation and want, found family and stepping on others to get ahead, and (sub)urbanization encroaching on nature, and it has an emotional core n im deadass !!

its based on a newspaper comic that centers on rj the raccoon and verne the box turtle, who live in the woods behind a ritzy suburb and menace n befriend its inhabitants. the comic is usu 4-5 panels per comic, and story arcs can stretch across multiple comics. there r a lot of characters that come and go, both human and animal, tho the core group usually stays at three characters-rj, verne, and someone else relevant to the current arc. so it couldve been questionable to extend that core group of characters from three to eleven (11!) in the movie, but i think it really works out. they position rj as the main character, and the other characters have an existing connection with verne, so act as an extension of him and his character arc. hammy is based on a character from the comics, but altered a bit, and stella, penny lou and the kids, and ozzie and heather are all original for the movie. and they all get equal time with rj, at no point in the movie do u forget about any of them-the exact opposite actually, we learn things abt them every time theyre on screen. its a really great use of screen time and dialogue.

and the character arcs! in the comics, verne is the more philosophical, searching one, and hes more often than not the loser at the end of things, often the butt of jokes, contrasting rj, who is more cynical, an indulgent slacker who only puts effort into slacking, often making the aforementioned jokes. they have a charming and humorous relationship, tho it is very much established. the movie however, reads as a sort of prequel to that relationship-rj and verne meet for the first time abt 15 mins in. it also makes some changes to their characters-verne is the cautious, tactless psuedo-patriarch of a cross-species family while rj is a lonely starving scavenger who has to scheme for the things he needs. the inciting incident, a broken vending machine convincing rj to steal food from a hibernating bear acquaintance of his, which is then all destroyed, leading to him making a deal with the bear to get it all back in just one week, could lead u to believe his motivation is greed-hes a little raccoon, and he didnt need to take all that food. but the rest of the movie reveals his motivation is longing, and loneliness.

the opening credits are layered over a sequence of rj scrounging in the garbage for something to eat. when he meets verne and his family of foragers, they r frightened by a new hedge in their forest, which surrounds a new 54-acre housing development, and wondering how theyre going to find enough food to hibernate the following year. rj sees this as an opportunity to trick them into helping him collect the food he needs for the bear from the suburb. their first disastrous encounter with a human initially throws a wrench in that, prompting rj to lie about losing his own family to gain sympathy and trust from them. but over time, he begins to actually care for them-he's shown playing video games with the baby porcupines, listening to music with heather, encouraging ozzie in his acting, even checking up on hammy when one of rj's plans gets him hurt; in their final heist, he changes the way everyone sees stella, showing her that she's more than just her smell. but the very real danger of being eaten by a bear remains rj's motivation until the final act, and we r shown up to that point that rj does not think he can get anything simply by asking.

which is a great contrast to verne, whose initial motivation is altruistic-he's worried abt the safety and survival of his family, whom he's responsible for. they already had barely enough to survive, and now almost the entire forest is gone around them. verne feels threatened by rj's charisma and seeming capability, and intimidated by the unknown world of the suburb, which turns into jealousy, as the rest of the family warms up to rj and his ideas and change. in an attempt to get things back to normal after a pest exterminator comes to their suburb, verne inadvertently destroys all the food his family had collected earlier in a sick montage, leading to an argument where verne says some insulting and hurtful things. sort of expelled from the family, feeling chastised, verne reflects on his feelings and behavior, and comes to rj to apologize. at the same time, rj is realizing that he's kinda fucked-he doesn't have the food he needs, and he's torn apart a family in the process. he's about to come clean and tell verne the truth, when, in a parallel of the beginning of the movie, he sees the opportunity to have everything he wants-the food and the family. so they put together one final plan, to get everything in one night, and it works, until it doesnt, and the truth comes out and rj abandons them, allowing verne and his family to be caged by the exterminator while he takes the food to give to vincent (the bear). but faced with the reality of that decision, watching the family he always wanted be carted away to be killed, rj changes his mind, taking the food from vincent's hands to go back and save his friends.

their reunion is intense and funny and immensely satisfying. you're glad rj made the right decision, that verne apologized and was forgiven, and the mad-dash escape from vincent and the exterminator culminates in an impossible plan that works out bc its an anthro kids movie, of course it would have a happy ending. after the antagonists r defeated, there's a scene where verne formally invites rj into their family, and tells him that if he'd been honest with them, told them he needed the food to pay back an angry bear, they would've helped him. bc that's what families do. and rj says "i've never had anything like that," correcting his lie from earlier. and the but ive always wanted it goes unsaid, bc he has it now, and he knows that.

[residents-of-spookys-mansion]

u already know what im gonna say....

hcs for the protag and the sandals wearing ex-protag?

It’s about time I give the people what they want- specimen 14 and 12’s Host hc’s

First the old man:

-He’s about 50ish during the events of the post bad-ending. He’s been stuck in the mansion for nearly 20 years and is specimen 12’s longest living host. Old ahh

-He used to be a far bigger threat when he was younger but age has slowed him down and his stamina is shit. He also kinda shrunk in size to do age and is constantly slouching. His bad posture does not help with his back pain

-The beds in specimen 12 are also pretty bad which also do not help with his chronic back pain

-In order to survive the old man resorted to cannibalism. 14 was initially grossed out by the idea but when they realized they didn’t have any other options they tried it. Neither of them don’t eat it raw tho. So to cook any meat they grab a torch off the wall to cook that shit. Once a person’s too rotten to eat they throw to the corpse to specimen 3 to finish.

-In order to get water they both have to take the long ass trek down to the Karamari Hospital to the ONE working water fountain in the entire mansion. That water is always ice cold at least. Where does it come from? God who knows

-The old man and 14 at first didn’t like each other. Mainly cause 14 still viewed everyone as a threat and was highly suspicious of 12 and its host. Eventually they did start talking and relating to each other.

-The old man isn’t always 100% under the control of spec 12. 12 only fully possesses him when an intruder enters the mansion. Other than that, 12 usually retains like 15-20% control over his mind.

-The mansion doesn’t consider any of the specimens as Intruders, but more like highly annoying. It’s more tense when certain specimens enter than others. However it no longer perceives 14 as a threat since he visits a lot and even cleans up the place from time to time.

-To keep himself occupied the old man either cleans up 12 or just sits around kinda zoned out. Sometimes he reads books in the library. Most of which are fake or ineligible but he doesn’t seem to care.

-The old man lets 14 stay over in specimen 12 since he trust him enough. In reality he does it because he’s incredibly lonely and 14 is the only real person he’s interacted with in a long time. He likes 14’s company and finds him interesting to talk with.

-The old man plays a mentor role to 14. Often sparring to teach him better techniques and how to parry. He also keeps him out of trouble and gives him advice to stay sane and survive.

-sometimes when 14 gets into trouble, the old man will help him out then proceed to scold the hell out of them for being letting his temper get the best of him.

-The old man does have one fear and 14 is only one he’s admitted this to. Basically because he’s growing older and weaker, he’s worried that 12 is going to want to replace him with a younger and healthier host. He admits he’s worried that any intruder who comes in could be his replacement and that 12 will purposely try to get him killed.

-14 got really sad upon hearing this cause he knew the old man’s time up soon and cause he’s the only person 14 actually cares about.

-The old man has long forgotten himself and his life before the mansion. He also is somewhat embarrassed by his vlogging days and doesn’t like talking about it. Although he still has his old camera, hidden away. He was able to find some batteries once and used those. Sometimes he goes through the camera roll and rewatches these old videos of himself, clinging onto these last bits of his humanity.

-Despite his smiling facade and closed off and quiet personality, he’s pretty depressed and lonely, which 12 exploits. Although he’ll never admit this.

-Old man doesn’t really talk to the other specimens but is tolerated. He only really talks to 14 or the spirits of previous hosts, like the hanging victim. Since they all haunt 12’s mansion.

-The old man’s room is on the second floor and so is 14’s “room” whenever they stay over. Although 12 does kick 14 out if he stays for too long.

Ight time for specimen 14

-Our ex protag is about 18-19 years old. Before becoming a specimen, they were a quiet yet friendly person who mostly kept to themselves. After becoming a specimen, their mask fell and they turned into a quiet, yet violent person who dislikes being around others.

-They’ve been stuck in the mansion for about three months so far

-They have a massive distrust of pretty much everyone. He still thinks everyone’s out to get them and is paranoid. Most specimens avoid him since he’ll attack them if they get too close, no matter the situation. Even if they’re trying to talk to them they might get an axe to the face.

-14 makes sure to destroy every specimen 1 they encounter.

-When 14 encountered the old man for the first time after becoming a specimen, they immediately tried to kill him. The old man responded by parrying the axe, knocking it out of his hands and hitting specimen 14 in the chest with the blunt side of the sickle. He then yelled at 14 telling him he sucks at actual combat and then they became good friends after that.

-Out of all the specimens, 14 hates Ben, Deer lord, and the taker the most. He especially doesn’t like Ben and attacks him on sight every time. In total he has attacked Ben around 50 times and successfully destroyed Ben 33 out of those 50 times. (Ben can piece himself back together don’t worry)

-if 14 sees the Taker it is also on sight. He’s less successful in killing him tho

-When 14 and the Host go to the Karamari Hospital for water, they sometimes encounter monster 1. Monster 1 is used to having visitors come over to get water and sometimes strikes up a conversation with them. The security guard is one of the only ones 14 won’t attack. It’s mostly cause he never saw the guard as a threat even before becoming a specimen. The guard also doesn’t mind when 14 rants to him.

-The only other specimen that our ex protag can stand is the white cat. The white cat acts as his therapist and is one of the few things keeping them sane. Also 14 lets to pet and cuddle the white cat. 14 does feel very iffy about specimen 7. Especially since his mental state only got worse.

-he had a sort of alliance with a Rex. Basically whenever Rex has a problem with Ben, he gets 14 to get rid of Ben for him and 14 doesn’t mind because destroying Ben is the only thing that matters. Although their first interaction was weird. Basically Rex kept trying to bite 14 and he wouldn’t stop even when they tried to strike him with the axe. 14 was getting sick of it so he bit Rex back. Rex just stood that like he was mental and stopped bothering him after that one.

-Whenever 14 is bored he sometimes talks to the old man endlessly about history. Even after becoming a specimen, they still retained their love for history and can go one for days about it.

-14 also started to write down his feelings in notes as a way to cope. He copied this habit from the old man who also journals.

-Our ex protag likes to sleep in a lot and can usually be found passed the hell out. Sometimes spooky has to wake him up when an intruder is getting close.

-14 does have its own “local” now. Basically the express way, the one that ‘totally’ brought you back to the start, was giving to 14 as his area. Instead of the fake specimen 2 room, it was renovated for 14

-Both 14 and the old man have a slight healing factor. It’s nothing crazy but it’s useful. Although if they do get critically injured they have to go down to the hospital for treatment

-In order to get 12 to like them and let them stay longer, 14 does help to clean 12’s mansion.

-Sometimes 14 confuses the hell out of the old man by using modern slang.

-14 views the Old man as his mentor, someone he can talk and look up too. This slowly turned into 14 starting to grow a familial connection to him. He’s just barely an adult and is still very lost in life. The Old man helps to provide some guidance even in the worst of scenarios

-Specimen 14 unlocked a new skill, axe throwing and he’s pretty good at it. He also has a bit too much fun breaking down the doors. Once time when an intruder was getting away, he broke the door and threw the whole ass door at the mf. It was highly affective. He wonders why more people don’t do that.

-14 has a fear of bugs. Specimen 3 did not help with that. Specimen 3 is like one of the only beings that can actively scare the shit out of 14.

-I have a silly little comic idea between these two, but that’s for later :)