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traveleralexis-blog-blog · 2 years ago

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For English Friends:

This is how I ended my student life

After five years, I took a step outside of my comfort zone again and went to the United Kingdom for almost four months. This step was definitely more challenging for me than when I decided to go to Romania. After all, my whole life had completely changed, and I already had some commitments. If I had stayed in Bratislava, I would have had a peaceful last year. I could continue working full-time, go to school once a week for an hour and a half, and work on my thesis. Well, just a relaxed life :D So why not make it more complicated?

When I was deciding which study program I will choose at the engineering level, I chose one that would allow me to earn a double degree. Since I knew from my friend what it entailed and what a great opportunity it was, I decided to study international finance.

WHY DID I CHOOSE THAT? AND WHAT ABOUT THE SCHOOL?

The main reason I went to the UK was the school, so let me start with that. Studying here is a completely different experience compared to Slovakia. In my opinion, it's not about how the school looks or how modern their facilities are, but about the teachers and the quality of education itself. If we keep blaming insufficient funding in Slovakia for the lack of quality, it's not just about that, at least not only about that. If the existing accreditations were changed in terms of approach, not just content, students would remember more, and we would be more competitive internationally. It's all about small things like publishing presentations, where the entire lecture is recorded and made available to students on the university platform, along with all the study materials and books. No searching for textbooks, buying them, and forced attendance in uninteresting lectures, mostly when some teachers fight agaings students who didn't attend. Another significant difference is the way workshops are conducted. The basics from the lecture are explained, supplemented with questions, and then followed by case studies, examples, etc. These examples are also part of the exams, with no separation between workshops and lectures. For example, we learned about risk by finding the annual report of a company and identifying the relevant risks and categorizing them. I think I learned much more from those classes than throughout my entire studies in Slovakia, which is very sad. However, I don't believe that the teachers in the UK are more knowledgeable or that the students in the UK are better. In fact, I believe the opposite is true. But students from the UK are much more prepared for the professional world. Employers constantly complain that graduates who come to them don't know the basics. In my field of finance and banking, that means having a basic understanding of financial statements or risks. These are the things we theoretically learn and probably in greater depth, but the result is that we don't remember anything because we just cram for exams, and in practice, we don't know anything. Just for comparison, students in the UK are not necessarily hardworking. I didn't understand why Nottingham was so eager to have students from my Slovak university (EUBA), but when we experienced it, I understood. It's for a simple reason: we are active in class and attend regularly. Many times, our results are better than those of the "domestic" students. This is just a brief overview of what I think about studying, but I could elaborate much more. I believe that things will change a bit and that a new era has begun with the new accreditation here as well. I have been involved in many processes as a student representative, and I know how challenging it is to change something in a system where many people don't want to change anything. However, it must somehow happen slowly, and I believe that we won't have to constantly chase after someone even though this idea is currently very naive.

ENGLAND IS NOT A COUNTRY FOR ME

I have mentioned many times on my Instagram that England is definitely not a country for me. It is mainly their culture that, in my opinion, is quite absent. They are bothered by their disorder, and they do absolutely nothing for the environment. I think my friends from various organizations that focus on climate change would definitely not be satisfied with how things are in Britain, and I believe that with the new king, they will pay more attention to this issue. However, it's not just about that; there are very low-quality food products here, especially an excessive amount of processed foods. It's true that I missed our Slovak cuisine a lot, but overall, the food here is a complete disaster. In school, we basically had the same thing every week, and it was quite unhealthy stuff like fish and chips or burgers and the like. So if we say that the food in Slovak schools is poor, it's even worse here. We definitely can't consider Britain as an example. Another thing is that the United Kingdom left the EU, and for me, it would be financially demanding to stay here due to work visas. Unfortunately, in the UK, I didn't find any Brits with whom I could openly discuss Brexit and how they perceived it. For me, it is truly incomprehensible that they left. Even now, you can still see some constructions funded by the EU, and it doesn't seem like the Brits achieved what they wanted with Brexit. It's interesting to observe, as I am a European, and I realize all the advantages that the EU brings. It's a big adjustment to travel with a passport and not just an ID card, and it's also important to realize that you can't simply stay in Britain anymore because you would need visas (if you travel for more than 6 months). We need to be even more aware that Slovakia must stay in the EU if it wants to prosper and maintain a good reputation, etc. I can't imagine us leaving the institutions we so eagerly wanted to be part of. I don't understand how people can believe in hoaxes and support Russia when it is our biggest threat if they win the war against Ukraine. We are closest to them, which also means we are the next target after Ukraine. I don't understand it, and I'm afraid. I don't want to leave, but if the elections turn out badly, Slovakia probably won't be a country for me anymore.

ROMANIA 2.0

Now something personal. My boyfriend hates it when I constantly talk about Romania and how it changed my life. So now let's switch it to before England and after England :D Just kidding, in my opinion, it didn't change me that much, but rather made me realize a lot of things, and sometimes I came up with more questions than answers, but that's also a journey. I already had an idea of my future, but I realized that what I really want is something different. At the very least, I realized that I need to return to my hobbies, especially dancing. For me, going to a party doesn't mean getting drunk, but mainly dancing, as I am still a dancer at heart. I missed that a lot in Bratislava, and I definitely want to start dancing again, just for recreation and for myself. I missed Bratislava as a city a lot because I was only commuting there a few times a week, and my desire to move directly to Bratislava increased significantly. I realized that it's difficult for me to let new people into my life. I've learned from many friendships and I've learned to invest time in people who want to be friends with me. Also, as I have grown up a bit and I am in a different stage of life, I can't honestly have conversations with people who constantly talk about who did what with whom. At first, I was sad about it because I couldn't find new friends since my classmates in the course didn't really talk to us, and most of them were from India or Africa. We only met one British person at school, and he didn't really talk to us either. It was very challenging since I wasn't hitting on any boys at parties. Similarly, I didn't find people to spend more time with in the accommodation, but unfortunately, that changed only in the last week when we got to know the French group. We were sorry we hadn't met them earlier, but we had great parties together and also one trip. I believe we will stay in touch with them because we shared these feelings of new friendships. It's strange in any case because we talked about various topics in Romania, many of them challenging, and we were much younger than the people I met here. Maybe I'm changing and I can't listen to childish talk anymore, or maybe I'm just old :D

AND FINALLY...

On the other hand, this whole experience has given me a lot, and I'm grateful for it. I think these periods when I decide to step out of my comfort zone always enrich me and give me new motivation in life. It was great to say goodbye to one big part of my life this way, to experience the best parties, and enjoy the true student life. We managed to go on a lot of trips, and if I didn't have my great classmate and now also a great friend Simona with me, I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it. Although I didn't make many new friendships, I definitely found one. And my illness after a week in the UK was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me. I was locked up in a small room for over two weeks, and basically, all I did was think and constantly felt like crying. It was really terrible, and no one could help me. The worst realization was that although we have a university doctor, you can only report to them online, and they will call you in for an appoinment when you're practically dying, and at most they'll send you to the pharmacy. Of course, they didn't advise me on anything there, and you won't find any calcium syrup anywhere in the UK, so I was without a voice for quite a while too. Don't worry, even Slovak healthcare is not as terrible as it seems :D The beginning was really challenging for me, especially because I had never been far from my family and especially my boyfrined for such a long time. My mental state wasn't always the best. Despite that, it strengthened me in some ways, and I also see that my relationship with my boyfriend has definitely grown stronger. Before I left, many people didn't understand this decision, but I hardly had any doubts about it. Having an MSc degree is not as important as what I have experienced and realized during these weeks. I can't predict completely what will happen in my life now and whether I will truly achieve what I planned in the UK, but I believe I'm on the right path and that I have great people around me, for whom I'm even more grateful after being away. Many people thought of me and reached out, and I truly appreciate it.

If you've made it this far, I'm grateful to you for following me and being interested in my evaluation. If you would like to have a similar experience and have any questions, feel free to reach out to me, and I will answer everything. For now, this is me, and maybe next time it will be about something else ;)

Saška (Alexandra)

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forever-rogue · 4 years ago

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Obvious

Summary | It’s so obvious, isn’t it? Maybe not to Bucky. But you’re going to make his first Father’s Day something to remember.

Pairing | Bucky x Pregnant!Reader

Word Count | 2.8k

Warnings | slight language, pregnant!reader, references to sex

Masterlists | Bucky, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

At first you were positive you’d eaten something off and were suffering from a mild case of food poisoning. With your luck, it wouldn’t have been the first time. But then it lasted for more than a few days...and then some more after that. After a couple of weeks of denying that it could be anything but a mild stomach bug, you came to the earth stopping conclusion that it was something different entirely.

The signs were all there, and it wasn’t that you had been ignoring them but...you had been ignoring them. The idea that it could have possibly been anything but a stomach bug was terrifying. But there was only so much hiding you could do from Bucky before he came extremely concerned at the sight of you repeatedly hunched over the toilet. He insisted you go to the doctor and knowing him, if you didn’t comply, he’d throw you over his shoulder and take you himself.

After a little white lie of saying you’d go right away, you’d sneaked off to the corner drug store in search of those dreaded pregnancy tests. Bucky was off doing whatever the hell it was he and Sam did half the time, so you had a few hours to yourself. You felt like a criminal as you bundled up in a hoodie of Bucky’s and looked around furtively as you grabbed one of each of the tests and took them to the counter to pay before practically running home.

You felt so silly, so dumb as you had the six tests on the counter, while your phone slowly ticked down the time. All the signs were there - how could you have ignored them? The missed period - wait, was it two? You’d been so bad about tracking them, you honestly didn’t even know. The morning sickness, apparently not food poisoning, the extra sensitive breasts, the fatigue. It all seemed so obvious now.

You sighed as your timer went off and looked at the various tests.

They only confirmed what you had already accepted. Pregnant.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You felt like you were floating on air as you walked out of the doctor’s office with some of the grainiest photos you had ever seen. But the only thing that mattered was the small little bean that you could clearly make out in the middle of them. Your little bean - yours and Bucky’s. Your baby.

It’d been a week since you’d taken the tests and made your little discovery. After that it had become a little game of hiding it all from Bucky - you wanted to tell him and soon, but you wanted to surprise him at the perfect time. You knew he’d be over the moon about it all. You’d talked about children, and it had been decided, especially since you’d been together for a few years now, that if it happened it happened when it would happen. But you just knew he wanted this - and honestly, so did you. Despite the extreme nerves it had set upon you.

So, you decided to play a little game with Bucky to see if and when he finally realized you were pregnant. Hopefully it’d be before you were showing - he wasn’t that blind after all. But you were going to have fun with this.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hey Buck,” you were sprawled on the couch, resting your head in his lap as the two of you watched a movie on Netflix. It had been a long day and there was nothing you wanted more than a quiet evening in - this was nothing short of pure bliss. He made a small sound of acknowledgment as he gently played with your hair, silently telling you to go on, “what do you think you’d want to name our baby? Boy or girl?”

Sure, it was anything but subtle, but the way you had been resting your hand on your belly wasn’t either. And he hadn’t caught onto that either.

“Hmm, I’ve never really thought that much about it,” he mused as he looked down at you and offered you a soft smile. You grinned back at him as you grabbed his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his knuckles, “I like...and don’t laugh at me - the idea of naming a son Steve. Maybe a daughter Rebecca or Sarah.”

“Bucky,” you could see that despite his seemingly disinterested attitude, he had actually given this a lot of thought. You knew they were so much more than just names,”those are lovely names. I think any one of those would be a lovely name for our baby.”

“Yeah?” he asked, almost timidly as you reached up and touched his cheek, running your fingers over his stubble as you nodded. He practically keened into your warm, gentle touch as his eyes closed, “I love you.”

“I love you too, bub,” you whispered as he pressed a kiss to the palm of your hand, “let’s get to bed, huh? It’s getting late and I’ve just been so incredibly tired lately.”

“Come on,” he slowly ushered you up and off his lap before standing and stretching. You couldn’t help but admire him as a rush of love overwhelmed you. You really loved him more than anything - well him and your small bean now. Bucky effortlessly leaned over and scooped you up in his arms, cradling you to his chest as he walked towards the bedroom, “you’re so beautiful.”

“You’re not bad yourself, Sarge,” you grinned as you rested your head against his shoulder, “but I almost feel like I’ve just got this...glow lately ya know?”

“You always do,” he promised with a kiss to the top of your head as you almost burst out laughing. So many not-so-subtle-hints and he still didn’t catch on.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Bub? You in the kitchen?” you called from the bedroom, knowing damn well he was there, finishing up a big weekend breakfast for the two of you. You tip-toed out of the bedroom, pulling on your - his - shirt to indulge in a lazy Sunday.

“I’m in here, sweetheart,” he looked up and smiled softly as soon as you came into view. He still looked at you as though you had personally hung the stars and moon, like he was still in the process of falling in love with you every single day, “hi.”

“Hi,” you walked over to him and motioned behind, “can you do me a huge favor and get me a glass of water and my vitamins? I left them on the counter.”

“So demanding,” you both were aware of the fact that he’d never say no to you. You took a seat at the bar, hopping onto your stool as you swung your legs back and forth and waited for him to either realize what was going on, or make some sort of joke. But instead he hummed some tune under his breath as he set a glass of water in front of you and grabbed your vitamins.

The man, this silly, lovely man, picked up the bottle of prenatal vitamins, opened them, and handed two of them to you before following up with your other supplements. Your mouth hung open as you looked at him in awe - you’d literally put it all in front of his nose and he still didn’t catch on.

Goodness Gracious.

“There you are, pretty girl,” he leaned over and kissed you gently before turning back to the stove. You watched him with a dumbfounded expression but slowly grabbed your water and vitamins and downed them, “anything you want do today?”

Alright. You were willing to push a little further and see if he finally caught on.

“There’s a new store that opened up downtown,” you said noncommittally, “they umm...have a lot of baby and kid stuff and I wanted to go ahead and check it out.”

“Sure thing,” nope. Apparently you were going to have to hit over the head with a two by four, “sounds good. We’ll go after breakfast?”

“Yeah,” you agreed, shaking your head in amusement, “sounds good to me too, bub.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It had been almost a month of dropping hint after hint, and they had been becoming increasingly less subtle. You were pretty sure that you could have just straight up told him you were pregnant at this point and he still wouldn’t have gotten it.

But you had one last little idea - Father’s Day had come around and you were going to make sure his first father’s day was special. Maybe it was silly to celebrate when the baby wasn’t even born yet, but you didn’t care - you just wanted to finally tell him.

The evening before Father’s Day, you’d let Bucky go to bed first, telling him you were just going to be a little longer, needing to finish up some work. He believed it hook, line, and sinker, and told you to join him soon. Once he was snoring soundly, asleep on his back with the gold and black vibranium arm splayed over your side of bed, you pulled out all the supplies you’d gotten.

You made quick - and quiet - work of blowing up multicolored balloons and throwing some confetti around. You’d regret it later but the surprise would be worth it. Once you were satisfied, you grabbed the newest sonograms you’d gotten at the doctor the day before and tucked them into the envelope along with the card you’d picked out. After writing on the card, you sealed the envelope and on the front side simply wrote Happy Father’s Day.

On the back, knowing how Bucky was, you scrolled one more little note. You left it all on the counter, along with the box of cupcakes you’d snagged from his favorite bakery, ready for him to discover in the morning. He’d be up before, and he’d have the little surprise to wake up to.

Hopefully this time the message was loud and clear.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Bucky stifled a yawn as he slowly crawled out of the bed, stretching his stiff limbs. You were still all bundled up and lightly snoring with a little smile on your face. He reached down and gently brushed a lock of hair out of your face before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Slowly making his way down the hall, a confused expression crossed his features as he noticed the glittering confetti on the floor. How strange.

But as he walked into the living room and saw the ballrooms all over the place he was visibly confused. What on earth was going on? He picked one that was close to his foot up and played with it for a moment before lightly smacking it across the room. He perked up when he saw the colorful box on the counter, a clear giveaway that it was from his favorite place.

Shuffling across the room, he was ready to throw open the box and indulge in an early morning sweet treat when he was stopped by the card on top. He picked it up and instantly recognized your handwriting. Happy Father’s Day!

It must have been for your father...maybe this all was for him and your parents were coming over and he’d somehow managed to forget about it all. He would definitely hear about that later on from you. Shit.

No...he surely would have remembered that. He was old but his memory was still sharp. He felt the envelope beneath his fingers, noting that it was slightly thicker than a normal card. Curious. He flipped it over and his heart almost stopped when he saw what you had written on the flap.

Yes. This is really for you, James.

James. That’s how you knew you were being serious.

His heart felt like it was almost bursting out of his chest as he slowly slid a vibranium finger underneath the seal, careful to prevent any rips or tears. After what seemed like a millennia, he opened the thing and pulled out the card, along with the sheet of photos.

Bucky’s mouth fell open and formed a small o as he looked as he read over your sweet message in the card. Once he studied the grainy photos and realized that holy shit, this was your baby - his baby. You were having a baby! He inhaled - a shaky broken little thing as he fought back a few tears. After all this time, he was getting something he thought would only be a dream.

“Surprise,” you whispered so you wouldn’t completely scare him. You’d woken up a few moments after him, already missing his body and warmth as soon as he had left. You had tip-toed after him and watched him finally realize what you had been dropping hints about for almost a month. His reaction had been everything, priceless.

“Sweetheart…” he looked between you and grainy photos in his hand, his blue eyes gentle and glossy as you walked over to him, “we’re having a baby?”

“Yeah, bub, we are,” you promised, feeling tears well up in your own eyes as you carded a hand through his soft hair, “I’ve been trying to tell you for like a month. But you, sir, do not pick up on anything. Baby names? Prenatals...the baby store? The continued morning sickness. For a moment I thought I’d have to have the baby before you realized what was going on. I wasn’t being subtle anymore.”

“Oh...oh,” he said as a dark pink blush crept into his cheeks, “okay now it all seems so clear. I guess I...man, I’m blind.”

“Yeah, old man,” you teased softly, “turns out that food poisoning was never food poisoning at all. It was morning sickness.”

“Shit,” he was incredulous, “a baby. I can’t believe it...how far along are you?”

“Almost twelve weeks at this point,” you laughed, “I was wondering if you’d realize before I started to show.”

His hands found your hips as he played with the hem of your sweater before slowly pushing it up. A warm, gentle touch found your belly as he leaned in and brushed his lips over yours, offering you the sweetest kiss, “thank you.”

“For what?” you eagerly accepted his kiss and offered him a few more. He couldn’t stop himself from pulling you into his body and holding you close to him. Soon it would be a very different type of closeness.

“For you,” he whispered, “for this...us - our family. I...it’s just that I never thought I would be good enough for all of this.”

“Of course you are, Bucky,” you promised softly, reaching up and touching his cheek, “you are a good man. You are. I love you so much, more than anything in this world. You are worthy of this, you have always been worthy. I will gladly spend every day of my life showing you that if I have to.”

“I love you,” he pressed his forehead against yours, “I still can’t believe this is real.”

“I love you too,” you beamed, “now, how about you eat a cupcake and I’ll start breakfast. Then we can start telling everyone that you knocked me up!”

“It sounds so dirty when you put it like that - I like it. I’m sure we had fun doing it too,” he snorted as he opened the box of cupcakes, grinning when he saw that they too proclaimed Happy Father’s Day.

“What makes you think that, old man?” you bumped his hips with yours as you opened the fridge to get the ingredients for some omelets.

“Because we always have fun.”

“Cheeky!”

“Well, it’s not like it’s a lie,” He grabbed one and took a bite before offering you a taste, but you shook your head, “no?”

“It’s not me,” you insisted, pointing at the tiny swell that was slowly becoming evident, “the bean doesn’t seem to like sweets very much. At least not right now.”

“More for me,” he grinned as he pumped his fist in victory, causing you to dramatically roll your eyes before laughing, “hopefully the bean will be nice soon and let you partake. Oh…”

“Oh?”

“We have so much to do,” reality suddenly hit as his eyes widened and you laughed, “we’ll have to set up the spare room as the nursery. Your doctor’s visits - I want to come of course, and then all the stuff we’ll need when the they come-”

“James,” you put a finger to his lips as you quietly shushed him, “relax, bub. Breathe - we have plenty of time. There’s no reason to panic...today we’ll be lazy and relax, tomorrow we can figure everything out. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he visibly calmed down as you grounded him - just like you always did, “we’ll figure it out. We can do this.”

“Yeah, we can,” you agreed softly as he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze before kissing it. Gods, you really loved him more than anything, “Happy Father’s Day, Bucky.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you

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fridayfirefly · 4 years ago

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Seeing Ghosts

Read Seeing Ghosts on AO3

Masterlist

For Maribat March Day 12 - Second Chance

For as long as she could remember, Marinette could see ghosts. It wasn't always the ghosts of strangers, though. Her ghost encounters started small. When Marinette was four years old, her parents told her that the family cat, Tikki, had left to live in the countryside. Marinette didn't understand, because Tikki still lived with them. Tikki still meowed for pets, still purred when Marinette pet her, still played with her favorite toy, the laser pointer that Marinette got for her last birthday. It wasn't until two weeks later, that Tom and Sabine sat Marinette down and explained to her that Tikki had died, that she needed to stop pretending that she was still there. Marinette was confused until she saw the way Tikki's paws batted right through her toys, the way she never ate the scraps that Marinette dropped on the floor. Marinette knew two things for sure: Tikki was dead and Marinette could still see her ghost.

For years and years, Tikki was the only ghost that Marinette saw. Then Marinette turned fourteen and Marinette could suddenly see.

They haunted the corners of her eyes, lurking in her periphery. They were just shadows, phantoms until Marinette focused her eyes, and then she could see them clear as day. Ghosts were real and Marinette could see them. Ghosts were real and they were everywhere, an inescapable reality for Marinette.

Quickly, the ghosts learned that Marinette could see them. They followed her around, lingering at the edge of her sight. She could hear them too, little whispers about the baker's daughter, the only person who could see them. However, none of the ghosts were bold enough to approach her. That was the status quo, until one day when Marinette came home from school one day to a ghost lurking in her room.

Marinette gasped as she saw the ghost sitting in the chair at her desk, staring at her with knowing blue eyes. He was her age, which made his brutal injuries all the more horrific to look at. His skull was caved in. His chest was mangled. His skin was shredded and burned. He had been beaten to death, tortured in his final moments.

"I've been told that you can see ghosts," the boy remarked, ignoring Marinette's shock entirely. He spoke in English instead of French, luckily Marinette's class had been learning both languages, so she was able to understand.

Marinette nodded, her throat suddenly unable to get a word out.

"You can hear ghosts, too. Can you bring them back to life?"

Marinette shook her head, clearing her throat as she began to speak in English, "I've never tried, but I don't think so."

"Could you try? For me?" pleaded the boy, the desperation in his expression breaking Marinette's heart.

"I don't even know you," said Marinette, trying to find a way to gently let the boy down. Seeing ghosts was one thing; bringing them back to life was another thing entirely.

"I'm Jason Todd." Jason stuck out his hand and Marinette tentatively shook it.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

It wasn't until Marinette pulled her hand back that she realized that his hand - and now her's - was covered in blood. With a shriek of surprise, Marinette stumbled backward away from Jason. "What did you do?"

"What did I do? What did you do?"

"This has never happened before. Somehow my touch turned you corporeal enough for the blood on your hand to transfer to mine."

Jason glanced down at his hands. "Your fingers left prints in the blood. I've spent hours trying to wash the blood away for months, and you managed to do it by accident."

Marinette stared at her hands, the realization sinking in. Jason Todd was dead and his blood was on her hands. In the blink of an eye, Marinette was running to the bathroom to throw up. She thought she would be able to handle looking at the injuries of the dead, but Jason's wounds suddenly felt personal. Someone beat him to death, beat him until his bones broke and his skull caved him. Marinette heaved into the toilet, unable to cope with the violence of Jason's death.

When Marinette finally lifted her head, she saw Jason lingering at the door, looking guilty. "I'm sorry. I know that this is pretty graphic to look at." Jason gestured towards himself.

Marinette shook her head. "You don't have to apologize." After rinsing her mouth out until the taste of vomit was gone, Marinette turned to Jason. "Come here."

Jason approached her at the sink. With the water still running, Marinette took his hands and held them underneath the water. They both watched as the water turned red, then pink, then ran clear as all of the blood washed off Jason's hands. "Thank you," Jason whispered.

Marinette took a deep breath. "I can't make any promises, but I will do my best to bring you back."

Bringing the ghost of a human boy back to life seemed like an impossible task, so Marinette started small: with Tikki the ghost cat. It took two weeks of experimentation before Marinette realized that with enough meditation she could funnel some of her energy into Tikki's ghost. With Jason to help her take notes, Marinette began to figure out the ins-and-outs of resurrection.

The most difficult part was figuring out exactly how much energy Marinette could expend before it took a toll on her physical health. The very first time she gave Tikki energy, Marinette woke up the next morning with bruises littering her body. Tom and Sabine took Marinette to the doctor's where she was diagnosed with anemia and prescribed iron supplements. Jason was so concerned about Marinette's well-being that he refused to let her give any more energy away before she had returned to her full health.

A few weeks after the initial mishap Marinette got back on track. Every morning she would push just a little bit of energy into Tikki. Little by little, Tikki turned from specter to physical being. Then, one morning, as Marinette pushed energy into Tikki, she felt her energy hit a wall. At the same time, Marinette felt Tikki's fur under her hand for the first time in ten years.

"You brought her back!" Jason exclaimed.

Marinette let out a whoop of joy, scaring Tikki, who jumped out of Marinette's lap with a startled meow. Marinette grabbed Tikki back up, able to properly hug her beloved pet for the first time in ten years. "I've got to go show Tikki to my parents. I'm going to tell them that I found her outside."

"You'll need to give her a new name," said Jason. "Might I suggest Alfred."

Tom and Sabine were surprised, which was to be expected. After all, it wasn't every day that their daughter found a doppelgänger of their dead cat in the alley behind the bakery. However, they were quick to rationalize the event, shrugging it off as a strange coincidence. Alfred became a beloved new member of the family.

After her success with Alfred neé Tikki, Marinette turned her attention to Jason. Their very first attempt took place in Marinette's bedroom. Marinette and Jason sat down cross-legged on the floor. Marinette placed her hands on top of Jason's and concentrated. She felt the life force within herself and pressed it forward, through her hands and into his.

"I can feel it," whispered Jason, "I've never felt anything like it before. It's so warm."

The awe in Jason's voice made Marinette feel warm inside as well. "I'm going to start with just a little bit of energy. I don't know how transferring energy to a human will differ from transferring energy to a cat, and I don't want to burn myself out on the very first transfer."

"Do this at whatever pace you need. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Marinette smiled with his reassurance. She took a deep breath, and let the energy flow out of her. When she finally finished, cutting off the flow, she looked back up at Jason and gasped. Jason's broken finger, which had bothered him for weeks, had straightened out. The cut on his collarbone had closed shut. The bruise on his cheekbone had faded. His wounds were already starting to heal.

Quickly, Marinette and Jason fell into a routine. Every day after school they would sit down in the back corner of the bakery and Marinette (under the guise of doing her homework) would push more of her life energy into him. It was a slow process. Though Marinette often wished to give Jason just a little more energy every day, to speed up the process, she was constantly aware of the fact that Jason would fuss over her and stop the transfer of energy entirely if he saw any sign of pain or exhaustion on her.

In the months that Marinette had known Jason, he had grown protective over her. Marinette spent most of her time with Jason. He slept in her room on the little couch in the corner, followed her to school, and wore the clothes that she designed for her. Jason changing his clothes was an incredibly embarrassing affair, as the only way for him to be corporeal enough to touch the clothes was for Marinette to be touching him while he did it, leading to averted eyes and blushing on the part of both Marinette and Jason (but it was worth it for Marinette, to saw Jason's relieved smile when he realized that he never had to see the blood-stained clothes that he died in again).

In total, it took eight months from the day that Marinette met Jason to the day that Marinette brought Jason back to life. It started as an uneventful morning. Marinette woke up to her alarm, grumbling as she got ready about how it was inhumane to make teenagers wake up so early. She made herself a coffee while chatting to Jason. They walked to school together, Marinette dodging through the crowded sidewalk while Jason moved straight through people with ease. Marinette got to her desk at school and took a seat next to Alya. Luckily the seat behind Marinette was empty, so Jason sat there when he followed Marinette to school.

Marinette had asked Jason before if it bothered him that he was unable to participate with the rest of the class since they could neither see nor hear him. Jason claimed that he didn't mind. Despite that, if Jason ever whispered comments or questions about the lesson into Marinette's ear, she always made sure to ask the teacher, even if she already knew the answer.

Sitting in on lessons had the additional benefit of teaching Jason French. Marinette did her best to teach him the basics, but immersion was the best teacher - after eight months of hearing and speaking only French, Jason was fluent in the language. Marinette often praised him for his quick learning, which was how she learned that Jason was prone to blushing when he was complimented. Jason always grumbled when Marinette pointed it out, but Marinette found it adorable.

Once school was over on that fateful day, Marinette and Jason walked home together. Marinette set her backpack down at her usual table, sat down, and got to work. It had become an easy routine: put in her headphones and play some calming music, find a quiet place within her brain, and focus on the feeling of energy welling up inside of her. Then take Jason's hands, concentrate on that energy, and push it through her arms and into him. Controlling the direction of the energy was easy - it was controlling the rate that was the difficult part. It moved slowly at first, then all at once it flowed faster than Marinette can control, and it was a race to slow it down before it could all drain out of her.

That day, however, just as the energy started to speed up, the flow of energy abruptly cut off before Marinette even had the chance to react.

"Why did it stop?" asked Jason, looking confused.

The day had been so long coming that Marinette could hardly believe what had happened. "I have nothing left to give you. You're alive again, Jason."

Jason stared at her, wide-eyed. "Are you sure?"

"I'll go test it." Marinette jumped out of her seat and raced towards the front of the bakery, heading for Tom, who was behind the counter. "Papa, can I get a plate of macaroons for me and my friend?"

Tom glanced over at Jason. "Who is he? I don't think I've ever seen him here before."

"He's a foreign exchange student," Marinette lied easily. "His name is Jason."

"Here's a plate for you and Jason." Tom handed her a plate, piled high with macaroons and other sweets.

"I might take Jason and show him around Paris, once we finish our homework. Is that alright?"

"Sure, sweetheart. Just make sure you're home before dinner."

"Of course," chirped Marinette. She made her way back to her table with a bounce in her step. "My papa could see you. You're real."

In that moment, Jason looked lost. He glanced down at his hands, flesh and blood once more. "What do I do now?"

"You're alive again. You can do whatever you want."

Jason took a deep breath. "I've been gone from this world for so long. I want to go home."

Marinette tried not to let the fact that her heart was breaking show on her face. "I have enough birthday money saved up to buy you a plane ticket. You might have trouble getting on a plane without any identification, but I'm sure we can come up with a solution."

For a moment, Jason looked upset. Then, Marinette saw on his face as a realization dawned on him. "I didn't mean alone. Marinette, I want you to come with me."

There was no sugar-coating it: Marinette's parents were going to kill her. The plane was half-way across the Atlantic Ocean and Marinette's phone was turned off. There was no way to check, but she was certain that her parents were already sending her frantic texts. By the time the plane landed in Gotham, Tom and Sabine would surely have already called the police.

Marinette could only hope that her and Jason's fake IDs would hold up against the Gotham Airport security officers. While seventeen-year-old Jason could easily pass for nineteen, the age listed on the fake ID for Jasper Townsend, Marinette was worried that she looked young enough to cause suspicion. The age on Marie Davis's ID needed to be eighteen in order to get Marinette onto the plane, so whether she liked it or not she had to look eighteen. Resigned to her lies, Marinette put on a heavy face of makeup and wore three-inch heels on the international flight. It was a little funny, in an ironic way, that her heels had one inch for each year she needed to make up for.

Marinette was still confused about how Jason managed to get them fake IDs in the first place. Jason just shrugged and said that he knew a guy who owed him a favor. It was a side of Jason that Marinette hadn't ever seen before, a side of him that she was deeply curious about.

They had gotten on the plane just as the sun was setting. Marinette had sent her parents one last text message, telling them that she might be a little late. It was the understatement of the century. Marinette had never lied to her parents like that before. All of her past lies had been little things - lying about the number of macaroons she ate, or how late she stayed up the night before - but never a lie about her personal safety. The guilt was killing Marinette. It made her feel sick to her stomach.

Jason placed his hand (flesh and blood) on Marinette's shoulder. "I'm sorry that I'm making you do this."

"I'm not sorry. I would never make you do it alone."

Marinette could practically feel the nervous energy radiating off of Jason as their plane landed in Gotham. "I'm assuming you know where we're going next. Should we rent a car?" she asked once they cleared security (miraculously, no one looked too closely at Marinette's feeble attempt at a disguise. Marinette was glad to switch out her heels for flats and wash off the makeup in the airport bathroom).

Jason shook his head. "We don't need to rent one. He always keeps a car at the airport just in case someone's flying in."

Marinette wasn't sure who he was supposed to be, but Jason had been reticent to share any information about his past, and Marinette wasn't going to pressure him. Jason had been beaten to death, after all. There was a lot of trauma in his past and Marinette wasn't going to force him to share it with her until he was ready.

Jason led her through to the VIP parking lot to a luxury black sedan. He reached underneath the car, feeling at the underside until he pulled out a key. "Bruce keeps a key taped to the underside."

"That seems... irresponsible." Marinette was delicate with her words. Jason had been tense since the plane landed, like a loaded gun. She didn't want to bring up anything that might set him off.

"He also has a tracker planted in the car," Jason remarked offhandedly.

Marinette rolled her eyes at that remark, unable to keep walking on eggshells around the topic of Jason's family. "Irresponsible and paranoid. That's an interesting combination."

Jason laughed. "Just wait until you meet Bruce in person. I promise you, none of what I could tell you about him would ever live up to the real deal."

They got into the car, Jason in the driver's seat and Marinette in the passenger's. Jason's driving was a little rusty at first (which was understandable, given that he hadn't driven in nearly a year), but by the time he got on the highway, it was like he never left the driver's seat.

"Do you think that your family will believe you when you tell them that I brought you back to life?" asked Marinette, her voice quiet. The closer she and Jason got to Jason's house, the more questions Marinette had. It had taken her weeks to rationalize the fact that she could see ghosts, and she was the one seeing them. She couldn't imagine how Jason's family would react.

"Bruce was the one who found my body. There wasn't any faking that. I think he'll believe you."

"We've never talked about what happened to you. I- Is it safe for you to go home?"

Jason nodded, eyes on the road as he pulled off the highway onto a winding road. "Bruce did everything he could to save me, but he was too late. I was there for the funeral. I watched him mourn. I think... I think the reason I never passed on was because he never got over my death, never stopped feeling guilty. I wanted to pass on. I wanted to tell Bruce that I didn't blame him. I went and found you so that you could pass on the message for me. But then, when you could touch me, when you took the time to wash the blood off of my hands, I realized that I might be able to tell Bruce myself. I realized that I could have a second chance. I realized how badly I wanted a second chance, because a second chance at life meant that I had a chance with you."

Marinette blushed, looking over at Jason. "You know that doesn't matter to me. I wouldn't care if you were dead or alive."

With a snort of amusement, Jason said, "You might want to rephrase that."

Marinette rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. I liked you before you were corporeal. Human or ghost, you're my friend, Jason, and that's never going to change."

"I know that, but I like being alive better. I like being able to hold your hand for real."

Before Marinette could say anything in reply, the car turned. Marinette was too shocked to speak when she saw the size of the house at the end of the driveway. "Welcome to Wayne Manor, Marinette."

Marinette got out of the car first, smoothing down the fabric of her skirt and running her fingers through her hair. She hoped that she looked presentable, even if no one would be looking at her once they saw the resurrected Jason. "Are you coming?"

Jason nodded, taking a deep, steadying breath. "Yeah. I'm ready." Jason got out of the car and slipped his hand (flesh and blood) into Marinette's, and even though questions and doubts were swirling through Marinette's head in a whirlwind of anxiety, she knew that as long as she could hold Jason's hand, everything would be okay.

@maribatmarch-2k21

#maribat #jasonette #Jason Todd #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #MaribatMarch2021 #ghost jason todd #medium marinette dupain-cheng #ghosts au #miraculous ladybug fic #my work

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losingitinjersey · 3 years ago

Photo

Happy due date, Aug!

As you can see from the pictures, Erp and Aug met each other for the first time at the hospital! My mom brought Erp over with her (you can tell she was dressed by her with the huge bow and fancy shoes) and it was SO GREAT to see my girl again!! I’ve never had this much time away from her and I couldn’t get enough of her hugs and cuddles. She was curious but cautious of her sister but continued to share her toys and books with her! Although, every time Aug cried, Erp would shrink into herself and start crying as well, crawling into my arms for comfort. My heart!

On Friday at noon, 53 hours of being in the hospital and sitting in that increasingly uncomfortable bed, we were all packed up, dressed and ready to be discharged only to learn that Aug didn’t pass her hearing test on her left ear. We were told we had to stay for four more hours for her to retake the test. Defeated, disappointed and worried, we tucked in, napped and waited out those hours only to have her not pass a third time. The hospital pediatrician wasn’t worried and said we’d just need to follow up with an audiologist in 4 to 6 weeks to see what’s going on. By 6 p.m. that night, 59 hours in total at the hospital, we were finally on our way back home.

We’ve now had over 24 hours at home with all five of us (my mom, Kevin, Erp, Aug and myself) and, I gotta say, I’m SO happy to be out of the hospital and adjusting to life at home.

The first night at home (Friday the 13th) was rough. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, desperate to create and cling to a routine that made sense. But since Aug needs to feed every three hours (from the start of the feeding, and each feeding takes at least 30 minutes), there’s not much time in-between each session. Kevin asked me if we could supplement with formula to give myself time to rest and not being responsible for each feeding but I refused. Sure, my milk hasn’t come in yet but I wanted to do it all myself and work hard at feeding and getting my supply going through all the feedings. I got maybe two hours sleep the first night.

On Saturday morning, Kevin, Aug and I drove the hour and a half to our pediatrician in Norfolk to have her check out the babe. She was very concerned about her weight loss and told us we need to immediately start supplementing with formula. Like, had to do a bottle right there in the office in front of her and to give her 2oz of formula every three hours on top of breastfeeding. We have a follow-up appointment on Monday and Wednesday for weight-checks. While I was disappointed to hear my girl, who was already a better at breastfeeding than Erp, wasn’t getting enough food. Since this information was told to me by the pediatrician and not by my husband, I had no qualms about it and just want to make my girl healthy.

The rest of the day went well. I was able to nap AND shower! First time in four days! I was a new woman! My mom asked me what she could buy me as a small gift of celebration - if I wanted a cake or ice cream or something. Hands down, totally asked for a big dinner from Jersey Mike’s sub sandwiches. Best decision ever. That night my hormones got the best of me when my mom and Kevin decided to prioritize my sleep over everything else and basically sent me to bed at 9:30 p.m. telling me not to get back up until my shift at 6 a.m. Oh, and also, that Kevin wanted Aug to try to sleep in her crib in the nursery with Erp (in her own crib) that night. That decision was something I wasn’t ready to process and I tail-spinned from there. I knew my hormones and lack of sleep were getting the best of me as I desperately tried to explain my feelings and try to help out more. Eventually, I just went to bed and hoped for the best, trusting my husband and mom were capable and just trying to do the best thing for me (even though *I* thought the best thing for me was to help out more, not sleep). (Also, the room sharing only lasted maybe five minutes before Aug started crying and needed to be removed from the room).

Day three at home, Sunday/today, has been amazing so far. Even though I was awake for two hours during the night, I did get a total of six hours and had a really great morning solo with Aug. This was probably the most time she and I have spent one-on-one with each other and it was so needed. I woke up at 6, by 6:30 I was breastfeeding her, by 7 I was feeding her a bottle. By 7:30 she was down for a nap and I was pumping. By 8 I got Erp up and loved having a solo morning with her, it was so good for us both! By 8:30 I was finally able to make myself a delicious breakfast of avocado toast, fried eggs and french pressed coffee. My mom was up at the same time so she was entertaining Erp while I got to eat in peace. It was just the morning I needed. Having that time with both girls one-on-one, but also at times together and having everything go well was so healing.

Oh, and on top of everything else mentioned above, my feet have become horribly swollen thanks to the 3L of IV fluid pushed through my body and my face is incredibly puffy. The breastfeeding cramps are brutal this time around and my nipples hate me. Desperately looking forward to a few weeks from now when, hopefully, my body has recovered more.

Looking forward to continuing to find peace in structure and creating a routine that works well for us all. While my free time is few and far between (especially when you throw in a very needy/grouchy cat into the mix who’s horribly being neglected despite my best efforts), I continue to find bright moments of joy in this new world of parenthood.

#please don't reblog #momblr #erp is 19 months old #aug is four days old

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sunmoonandeddie · 4 years ago

Text

‘cause you are, you are

pairing: lumberjack!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 8,436

summary: Bucky’s found someone out on his front lawn during a snowstorm. Well, Alpine found her. If only he knew what he was getting into.

warnings: Bad words! Violence! Mention of kidnapping! Mention of military violence/injury! Mention of suicidal thoughts!

a/n: So the song I listened to that kinda really inspired this is ‘Get You the Moon’ by Kina. Also, this was commissioned by @buckysbunny and I really hope you love it, babe!

“Come on, Al,” Bucky said as he led his dog up the front steps of his cabin, carrying all the grocery bags inside. He had a cigarette between his teeth, keeping it steady as he unlocked the door and let the gorgeous samoyed inside. “Atta girl.”

The cabin was just as he left it three hours ago when he left to go grocery shopping. As it should.

And Alpine was already standing at her bowl, wagging her tail. She knew what time it was.

“You hungry, baby girl?” He asked with a grin as he grabbed the beef he’d been thawing in the sink and opened it up. “Today’s a beef day. We both know how much you love cows, yeah?” He put a cup of beef in her bowl, powdering in her supplements. “The best girl deserves the best food, yeah?” He asked as he cracked two eggs on top of it, before setting it on the ground. Bucky couldn’t help but grin at the way that Alpine sat there in front of the bowl, waiting for the go ahead as her tail wagged aggressively. “Eat. Good girl.”

Kicking off his boots, he started up a fire in the fireplace. The clouds were rolling in, the sun already setting. He’d lived on the mountain long enough to know when the first real snow of the season was setting in. They’d already had flurries, sure, but… The first real snow was the first one that had everyone locked inside, unable to go anywhere for weeks. He could smell it on the air.

Thankfully he was all stocked up on wood, so they’d be warm. He’d already moved up Alpine’s dinner time so it would still be light outside when she needed to go outside to use the bathroom. And they had more than enough food in the fridge and in the deep freeze to last them the entire winter, if they needed. They’d be okay.

Honestly, his biggest worry was losing Alpine in the snow. She was a big floof of white fur. She always came when he called, but still. It was the principle of it.

After she went to the bathroom, the two of them curled up on the couch while he ate and they watched whatever DVD he popped in. He’d probably binge watch the box set of nature documentaries he’d gotten.

They were… relaxing. After spending a few tours in Afghanistan, he needed relaxing.

It had been ten years, but… some things don’t fade with time. Some things stick like gummy bears on a car seat in July.

It was past midnight when Alpine raised her head from his lap, a low whine in the back of her throat. By then, he’d cracked open a beer and been fully ready to fall asleep there.

“Al? Come on, baby girl, there’s nothing out there,” he said reassuringly. It was snowing heavily, and he’d estimate there was already about seven inches deep with no sign of stopping.

But Alpine gets off the couch and runs for the door, barking sharply.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” He asked as he watched her. “Alpine, come.”

For the first time in the four years since he’d gotten her, she didn’t listen.

Instead, she let out another bark as she clawed at the door.

“Al,” he groaned as he forced himself up. He left the beer on the coffee table before heading to the door. “There’s nothing out there. Just snow. You’re just gonna get cold and get the floors all wet.”

But, alas, he’s a slave to the desires of his puppy.

It’s kinda pathetic, really. Not that he cared.

He opened up the door to let her out, frigid air blasting him. The snow crept up onto the porch, and there was so much coming down it looked almost like a curtain. “See, Al? Nothing.”

But she ran out into the snow, nudging at what just looked like another pile of fluffy white snow. She let out a whine, the only parts clearly visible of her being her dark nose and eyes.

And that’s when a head appeared, and his heart stopped. What the fuck was a woman doing out in the middle of a snow storm?

Despite the fact that he wasn’t wearing shoes and he’d just changed into a fresh pair of sweats, he ran out to where Alpine was still trying to nudge her awake. The snow was freezing his toes as he reached down and scooped up the girl, woman, whatever, and carried her inside.

“Come on,” he called out to the samoyed, who was following quickly after him, her tail tucked between her legs. “You’re such a smart puppy,” he cooed as he laid the girl on the couch. “You knew she was out there and made sure I got to her. Good puppy.”

From the color of her lips, there was no doubt in his mind that hypothermia was starting to set in. And from what she was wearing? Come on. She didn’t even have shoes on. Just two pairs of socks.

Fuck. He’d have to strip her down. He needed to get her warm, and the clothes she wore weren’t doing anything to help her since they were thin and soaking wet. “You better not kill me when you wake up,” he grumbled as he pulled her clothes off of her, keeping his eyes averted. She didn’t even have underwear or a bra on.

It wasn’t that he was some kind of creep. He just felt awkward. He didn’t know this woman and he wasn’t some kind of life saver.

Bucky was alarmed by the amount of bruises that covered her body, though it looked as though there was a purposeful lack of them on her face. There were also what looked like fresh scrapes along her hips.

He wrapped her in every blanket he could find after grabbing fresh clothes from the laundry room and redressing her, cocooning her before shoving the couch closer to the fire so that it may warm her easier. But she still seemed so cold. He moved to the kitchen, taking a few hot water bottles from the first aid cabinet and warming them up before gently dabbing one at her face, the only part of her still exposed.

Bucky knew that the only thing he could do now was wait for her to wake up. Pressing two fingers to her neck, he let out a sigh of relief when he felt her pulse. “You’re not out of the woods yet,” he said as he grabbed his beer and took a swig. It was going to be a long night.

Alpine was more than happy with the addition of a new person in their home, if not still a little worried. She climbed up onto the couch and curled up against her, sniffing at her face and giving her a lick before lying her head down beside her.

“She’ll be okay, Al,” Bucky said quietly as he reached out to give her scritches right above her tail. He wasn’t sure if he believed it, but… Maybe Alpine would understand and calm down a little.

My first thought when I woke up was that I was warm. Really warm.

I hadn’t been warm in such a long time.

My eyelids were so heavy, and I had no desire to open them just yet.

What would I find when I woke up? If I was back in His possession, in his house, I… I would need to resort to Plan B.

Technically, Plan B had been Plan A a few times, when things had gotten… especially hard. But He had caught me before I could succeed.

The last thing I could remember was stumbling through the snow. I’d managed to finally get out after planning it for months. I waited until He’d gone out for his nightly trip to the bars before pulling on my two pairs of socks and slipping out through the broken basement window.

The broken glass that I had thought would cause me to freeze to death had become my salvation.

I had been going down the mountain, following the road. But it had started to snow. I’m not sure how long I had been walking when I could see the path anymore, or when I saw the light.

The first light I had seen in the stifling white. It had been coming from a window, cutting through the storm like a beacon of hope.

The wave of relief I had felt at the cabin slowly taking shape in front of my very eyes had been euphoric. I had started to think that if I was going to die, at least I wasn’t going to die in captivity.

But I hadn’t even made it to the porch steps.

Which brought me to where I am now. Wrapped up in what I was pretty sure was several blankets. But I could smell… dog? He didn’t have a dog. No pets allowed.

He also didn’t have a crackling fireplace, from what I remember of the few times I’d been allowed upstairs.

Yeah. Definitely no fireplace.

I made sure to stay completely still as I felt two calloused fingertips press against the pulse point in my neck.

“Well, Al, her heart rate has increased…”

So it was definitely a man.

I’d gotten really good at pretending to be asleep over the years. Like, really, really good. It wasn’t often that He’d been able to tell that I was awake if I didn’t want him to know.

There was a whimper, and then a rough tongue licked across my face. The dog. Which was (hopefully) this ‘Al.’ I didn’t want to deal with more than one man.

The man sighed and walked away. “You gonna keep watch over her, baby girl? I gotta go get a shower.”

Did he think the dog was going to answer him?

As soon as I heard his footsteps going up a set of stairs, I took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. I needed to get out of there. Immediately.

I just had to slip out without him hearing me or the dog making a scene.

I slowly opened my eyes, even though it still felt like I had washers glued to my lashes.

And there was the fireplace. It was so nice and warm… I hadn’t felt this toasty in years. The basement was always so frigid, and with the lack of blankets provided to me, I was always at least a little cold.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay for a little while…

No. I shook my head as I forced myself to sit up. I couldn’t stay. I had to get out and get down the mountain to civilization.

I gasped as I felt the rough tough on my cheek again, turning to see a huge white dog that looked more like a cloud than an animal. “Shh…” I had to work to get my arms out of the blankets to pet it, but it was then that I realized I was not in my original clothing underneath all the swaddling. My heart sank to my stomach as I felt a wave of panic.

Had he touched me? Was he no better than Him?

I got most of the blankets off and frowned as I looked down at sweatpants and the long sleeved shirt I was wearing. They were far too big for me, but they’d have to do.

I kept my steps feather light as I looked around the space I had found myself in. It was a living room, and rather cozy. Rustic looking. I could see the kitchen to my left, and a silent debate with myself started over whether or not I’d have time to grab food for myself before running. From the way my stomach growled, I knew that I’d have to.

I hadn’t eaten since yesterday, since today was not my scheduled day to eat.

The cloud dog followed me to the fridge, its tail wagging as I grabbed what I could reasonably carry. It took everything within me to not stop and play with her. I hadn’t seen a dog in so long, especially not one so sweet. Its tail kept wagging even as it watched me stealing food.

I was reaching for the jar of pickles when I heard the cocking of a gun, and I turned around to see a large, burly man pointing a handgun at me. The food in my hands dropped to the ground as I threw my hands up, my heart racing. The jar of pickles shattered, the glass flying all over the floor. “I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I gushed, feeling sweaty under the pressure of the barrel being pointed at me. “I don’t know where I am. I j-just woke up and I’m s-so hungry.”

Bucky’s heart pounded as he got out of the shower, hearing a commotion downstairs.

His instincts took over, and he didn’t have time to even think things through before pulling on a pair of briefs and grabbing his handgun from his bedside table before slipping down the stairs.

He had the gun in both hands as he peeked around the corner, seeing a girl digging through his fridge. It was the cocking of the gun that alerted her to his presence, and she whirled around.

She was pretty, he could acknowledge that much.

It was when she was rambling that suddenly he remembered. The girl in the snow. But he’d been certain that she wouldn’t wake up for at least a few more hours.

His startling blue eyes stayed locked on her as he flipped the safety back on. But he still kept it raised. “Who are you?” He demanded, his voice gruff, deep.

She gave her name, and he frowned. Just a first name? No last?

“Where did you come from?”

“U-Up the mountain,” she said quietly, a few tears rolling down her pretty cheeks. “Please, I… I mean no h-harm. Please. I’ll go. I swear.”

He shook his head, slowly lowering the gun. It wasn’t like she was much of a threat. She clearly had no idea what she was doing. “Don’t be stupid. You already almost froze to death once out in the storm. Leaving would just mean that you wasted my efforts to save your life.”

“Thank you,” she said stiffly, still not moving from where she was. It sounded more like a question than a statement.

She was skinny. Scary skinny. Of course, he’d seen that when he’d undressed her, but it was even more alarming seeing her in his clothes, seeing how they draped from her frail, bird-like shoulders.

He nodded to the mess around her. “Stay still. I don’t want you cutting your feet on the glass.” Luckily she had the sense to listen as he swept up the glass and pickles, picking up everything around her before mopping.

He didn’t like being close to her, and she clearly didn’t like being close to him either. Good. It meant they would be less likely to step on each other’s toes.

Bucky was already very aware that she was going to have to stay until the snow let up enough for her to leave.

“I’m assuming you’re hungry?” He said as he put the mop away. “You can have food. I’m not going to starve you after rescuing you.”

She nodded, her stomach grumbling. “Yes. Hungry…”

Pointing to the fridge, he leaned back against the kitchen island. “You can get whatever you want.” He watched curiously as she reached into the door and grabbed the container of cottage cheese. “Did you want some warm food?”

“This is fine.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

She was weird. But he couldn’t really judge considering the fact that he had no idea who she was or where she had come from.

Maybe she was a Russian spy or something.

No, that’s stupid, he reminded himself. Your military days are over. No one is looking for you anymore.

He showed her to one of the guest rooms once she finished eating the entire container of cottage cheese, eyeing her in case she vomited. He had no idea how the hell she did that. He liked cottage cheese as much as the next person, but still.

“Um… There’s a shower through there. And I can… get you some more clothes and stuff,” he said softly. He stayed far away, out of her reach, and he noticed her doing the same.

She nodded, chewing on her lower lip as she looked around. “Okay. Thank you.”

“I’ll let you… get to it then,” he said awkwardly. A frown settled across his face as he watched Alpine jump up onto the bed as the girl looked into the bathroom. “Traitor.”

“Can you show me how the shower works?” She asked, poking her head back out. “And… What are the… shower rules here?”

A wave of confusion spread over him. Shower rules? “Uh… Just… let me know if you’re gonna shower soon so I know not to use all the hot water?”

“That’s it?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Oh. Okay.” She glanced over at Alpine, who was lying on her bed. “Are you… Are you showering soon?”

Bucky’s head tilted to the side, his brows furrowed. His dark hair was still wet, and he was still in his briefs.

The girl nodded, letting out a weak laugh as her face flushed. “Right. Sorry.” She pointed to the bathroom. “The… shower?”

“Right!” He slipped past her into the bathroom, making sure he didn’t touch her, before showing her how to work the knob and change the temperature. “There we go… Uh… Have a good shower. And I’m James… by the way…” He let out a huff of air as he stood there with his hands on his hips. “Right, um…” He felt a bit awkward as he left quickly then.

I waited until after James had left to lock the bedroom door, swallowing as I shoved the desk chair under the handle.

There was a low whine, and I turned to see the cloud dog still on the bed. I had thought it had left with him. “Hi. I thought you left.” I reached out and scratched behind its ear, the fur soft under my fingers.

After taking a few minutes to just pet the puppy, I headed to the bathroom where the shower was still running, the mirror fogged up.

It had been so long since I’d had a hot shower.

After locking the bathroom door, I stripped off the clothes I’d been given and folded them nicely, laying them on the counter. I could see the scrapes along my hips and cursed, wiping off the mirror so I could attempt to see them better. I was covered in bruises, and the scrapes were clearly fresh.

But I had no idea what James thought of them or where he thought I got them. Fuck.

I’d have to come up with some kind of excuse unless I was ready to tell him just where I’d come from.

Which just felt like it’d be so much work. I wasn’t ready for that yet.

I didn’t come out of my room for the rest of the night. It was the first time I’d ever been truly alone in years.

Even when He was gone, I was never truly alone. Not when cameras captured every square inch of the basement.

When I crawled into bed, the cloud dog curled up against me and rested its head on my back.

I slept better than I had in years. Even if I did end up vomiting up the cottage cheese.

Bucky was still confused by the girl three weeks later. The snow hadn’t let up, which he was kinda upset about because she’d eaten one of the two containers of cottage cheese her first night.

He liked his cottage cheese. And she ate it.

Which, okay. He had been able to tell she was hungry and she clearly needed the food more than he did, but still. She couldn’t have chosen something else?

Now they were having to ration the cottage cheese. They had about half a cup left and they were both waiting for the other one to finish it off.

He was about ready to just tell her to take it.

He also didn’t understand how she’d stolen his dog from him. Alpine had transferred her love and loyalty over to the strange girl within thirty seconds of meeting her, and it appeared that there would be no changing that anytime soon. The dog was always at her side and wouldn’t even go outside to use the bathroom unless she sat on the porch, bundled in one of Bucky’s coats and wrapped in a blanket, and watched her. Al didn’t even sleep with Bucky anymore. She slept with the girl, her head on her back as if she was ensuring that she was still breathing.

On one hand, it was absolutely precious.

On the other, Bucky had lost his cuddle buddy.

But they gave each other a wide berth. They never touched, which he was grateful for. He didn’t… like touch. And he got the implication that she didn’t either.

“You know, you living here kinda reminds me of the 2020 pandemic,” he said nonchalantly as they sat in the living room watching tv. He was on the recliner, and she was curled up on the couch with Alpine in her lap.

Her head tilted to the side as she tore her attention from the movie playing on the tv. “The what?”

Bucky blinked. And then he blinked again. “The… The 2020 pandemic? The pandemic three years ago?” He said slowly, his brows furrowed. “Covid-19? Everyone had to wear masks? America was literally a cesspool of selfish assholes who were so stupid they believed Trump?”

“Trump… Isn’t he that celebrity show host? He was on Home Alone? The Lost in New York one?” She asked.

He was going crazy. He was sure of it.

“What?” She asked, sitting up a little straighter as she crossed her legs applesauce style, causing Alpine to whine before settling back down in her lap. “Did I say something wrong?”

Bucky leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Donald Trump became president in the 2016 election. Then Biden won in 2020.”

Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed. “Oh.”

“How did you not know?” He asked.

She shrugged, wrapping her arms around Alpine. “I… haven’t watched the news… in a while…”

The man could understand that, but the whole ‘not watched the news’ in a bit really only worked when it came to things like… like a celebrity doing something stupid or a law being passed. Two whole presidential elections? That was… That was Amish levels of ignorance. Even if she didn’t watch tv, there were billboards and signs and merchandise like those stupid Make America Great Again hats.

As if America had ever been great. And he had a double right to say that, since he’d been a stupid eighteen year old kid that the military had preyed on, getting him to join up and head overseas when America had no reason to be there.

He’d lost his arm because of it.

“How long has it been since you watched the news?” He questioned, his heart racing. He had a bad feeling about it. A really, really bad feeling that settled in his gut.

She buried her face in Alpine’s fur, her shoulders rising and falling as she huffed.

She’d put on some weight since getting there, thankfully. He’d been making sure she got all her protein and started her on vitamins supplements he had.

“Eleven years…”

He paused, blinking slowly. “Eleven years? What the hell do you mean ‘eleven years?’” He took a moment when he saw the way she flinched away from him. He’d figured out pretty quick that she couldn’t handle any raising of the voice. She’d shut down. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But… I still don’t know anything about you except your name. Not even your last name. I don’t know where you came from. I still don’t know how the hell you ended up in my front lawn, half frozen to death. I…” He sighed. “What happened?”

She was quiet for so long that he was sure she wasn’t going to reply. He started to get ready to stand up, letting out a huff.

“I was thirteen,” I said quietly, my voice barely audible. Alpine’s fur was so soft in my fingers and against my cheek. It kept me grounded, kept me tied down to the Earth so I didn’t float away in the cloudy memories that covered the sky in my head.

Bucky was watching me closely, clearly surprised that I’d actually spoken.

My throat felt so dry. “Um… It was a few months after my birthday… And I had just gotten a new phone. It was… It was one of those sliding phones with a full keyboard? It had a touch screen, and it was cherry red.” I couldn’t help but let out a weak laugh as I remembered that stupid phone. I’d been utterly obsessed with it, like any thirteen year old would be. “I was in eighth grade and even though most people I went to school with already had an iPhone, that phone was the coolest thing ever.”

He was watching me in a way that was so intense, so focused. I hadn’t ever had someone look at me like that. Like he was actually listening.

“And, uh… I used to walk to the river in the woods by my house,” I said, my voice growing soft again. “I would go and sit and read on nice days… I didn’t really have… friends. I was a bit of a loner, and new. We’d just moved there that April.” My heart ached. I missed that river. I missed my parents. More than anything. “There was a man that I’d see sometimes at the river fishing…”

Bucky’s breath audibly hitched, and I could see his hands gripping his knees tightly.

“I was lonely,” I said, my voice cracking as I clutched onto Alpine that much tighter. The puppy let out a whine as my eyes water. “I didn’t have any friends yet. I was an o-only child… So, yeah, I’d talk t-to him. I didn’t think it was wrong. I f-figured if he was going to do something, he would’ve done it the f-first eighty times I s-saw him.”

“He took you, didn’t he?” He asked quietly, his voice gravelly.

Avoiding his eyes, I gave a short nod. “Yeah.”

He stood up, his jaw set as he reached for his phone. “We have to call the police. If you were being held in a house on this mountain, then that means whoever took you lives close enough for you to have gotten here in a snowstorm.”

“NO!” I said as I scrambled up. Alpine flopped to the side with a bark as she watched me scramble to knock his cell phone out of his hand. “No cops!” I breathed out, eyes feral.

“Okay,” he said quietly, his voice soothing as he held up his hands in surrender. “Okay. No cops. I won’t call the cops…”

I could see the confusion on his face, but a wave of relief washed over me as he agreed to not call the cops without asking too many questions. I’d already shared so much.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked, casually switching the subject as he sat back down. He didn’t even grab his phone.

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good,” I said as I took my seat again, swallowing thickly. “Can we watch that one you were telling me about?” I asked as Alpine licked my face before settling in my lap once again. “The… The one about the Day of the Dead?”

An easy smile spread across his lips. “Coco? Yeah. We can watch whatever you want.”

There was a shift in the air after she told Bucky about where she’d come from. They still kept a generally wide berth, but… they were closer. He was definitely in no hurry for her to leave. Not when he could keep her safe in his cabin.

He felt a wave of protectiveness every time he thought of her. He had someone to take care of now. Other than Alpine and Steve when they were kids, he’d never had that. Even Rebecca had been so independent growing up.

He liked having someone to protect, to take care of. He liked checking in on her when he woke up in the morning and when he went to bed.

Which he’d started doing once she’d stopped locking her door at night.

Bucky liked preparing her breakfast and coffee for her in the morning, slowly helping her increase her food intake without hurting her tummy. He liked checking in on her and making her laugh with his stupid jokes.

He liked… her. She was easily the prettiest gal he’d seen, even if it was unassuming at first.

But he wasn’t a creep like the man who took her, whoever he was. He wasn’t going to pressure her into being with him just because he was providing her shelter and food.

He wouldn’t use her like that.

And besides, it wasn’t as though she would want him. She had just turned twenty-four that year, and he was forty-one. There was a good seventeen year age gap, and it felt even wider once he’d realized that her education had effectively stopped at thirteen years old.

Of course, he’d started to remedy that. He’d found some kind of online learning platform that he’d remembered from the pandemic. Parents had started the free service in order to make sure that kids were still getting their education as schools shut down and they were pushed into Zoom classes in the autumn of 2020, after America failed and sent them back to school.

She was a lot smarter than she realized, and he made sure to tell her as often as possible.

They had a camaraderie that he hadn’t ever expected to find after he’d pushed Steve away.

Steve had been lucky. He’d been good enough at drawing that he’d gotten a full ride to art school. He didn’t have to enlist in order to have a future.

It wasn’t that Bucky was bitter about that. Steve deserved it. And now Bucky’s job was taking pictures of the mountains he lived on, and he got paid so much that he really only had to work a few months a year.

“You always talk about Steve,” she said softly one night as they ate dinner in the living room, as per their routine. “Do you still talk to him?”

“Uh… No,” he said quietly. “Lately I’ve been thinking about reaching out, though… I miss him.”

Her head tilted to the side as she looked at him, her spoon halfway to her mouth. He’d made chicken tortilla soup, since that had apparently become her favorite. “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking…”

Bucky smiled weakly down at his own half empty bowl. “Well…” His spoon clinked against the side. “It was hard after I came home… from overseas… I’d lost my arm… I wasn’t the same guy I was…” He took a deep breath. “I was angry… at everything… and I took it out on him, even when it wasn’t his fault… And then one day I just packed up and left. Found my way here. I bought this place with the money I had and fixed it up… It was a real dump. Basically foreclosed. But I spent an entire summer fixing it. Had to get it done before the first snow. And it also got me to figure out how to use my prosthetic. It’s some… fancy experimental thing.”

There was a flicker of the lights, and then nothing. It went completely dark. The heater stopped, the clock on the top of the stove went off.

“Bucky?” She whimpered, the fear evident in her voice.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here,” he said as he used his phone flashlight to illuminate the situation a little bit. “I’m gonna find some flashlights, okay? You stay right there with Alpine.”

She nodded, setting her bowl to the side and wrapping her arms around the puppy. “Okay… H-Hurry back.”

Oh, he definitely would. He didn’t wanna leave his bear cub alone for too long.

He found two flashlights in the basement before coming back. “Okay, let’s get all the blankets and stuff together,” he said as he handed her one of them. “It’s gonna get cold real quick without the heating working.” There was no way he was gonna be able to get out to look at the generator with how heavy the snow was falling.

They piled all the blankets up on his bed before she crawled under the mountain of them, Alpine curling up next to her like always.

She watched as Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, watching the slow rise and fall of his back. She could practically see the steam coming from his ears from how much he was overthinking. “You can take your arm off, you know,” she said quietly, sitting up on her elbows. “I’m… I’m not gonna think it’s weird.”

Bucky let out a weak laugh. “You sure, bear cub?” He asked, his voice wavering. “I don’t want to freak you out…”

“Something that’s a part of you could never be bad,” she said quietly.

His heart stuttered inside his chest. He didn’t know what to say in reply. He’d never had someone say something like that. His hand was shaking as he reached up and undid his prosthetic. It was a whole thing he went through every night and every morning, since it was attached to his nerves. He hissed as it finally came off, setting it in the open case on the ground as he rolled his shoulders a few times to get the tension out.

“See?” She said as she watched him, her eyes running over his back muscles and the scars that covered his shoulder. “There’s nothing bad about you.”

Bucky slowly crawled under the blankets, staying on the other side of the bed. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

“You gonna stay over there all night?’

He blinked, and then he blinked again, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. “I… What?”

She was still sitting up on her elbows, her lower lip caught between her teeth. Her eyes were flickering between the blankets and him. “You don’t have to stay over there… I’m not… gonna break if we cuddle, you know…”

Bucky’s heart stopped inside his chest as his mind went blank. He suddenly wasn’t thinking anymore about how he might hurt her. She wanted him. Or at least… wanted him to cuddle with her.

Which he was more than happy to comply.

I scooted over a little closer to Bucky when I realized he was frozen staring at me. He seemed to be in shock over the fact that I wanted to cuddle.

“Jamie?” I said softly, my fingers grabbing onto his arm and tugging him closer. “Please?”

I watched as he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he nodded.

“I mean… You don’t have to,” I added quickly, feeling a flash of anxiety. What if I had imagined everything? The flirting? The calling me bear cub? “Not if… Not if you don’t want to.”

Maybe my emotional growth was just as stunted as my educational growth.

But then moved closer to the center of the bed, his strong arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me close. So close that I was lying on top of his chest. He was so nice and warm.

And so strong. He wasn’t like one of those guys in Hollywood or the bodybuilders that were all dehydrated in order to look like they had a twenty pack of abs or something. He was the real kind of strong.

It was sexy as hell.

And it had been so long since I’d had a gentle touch… Or had someone hold me just for the sake of holding me.

I hadn’t realized just how badly I needed it until Bucky was holding me close, his lips pressing to my forehead.

“James? If you don’t mind me asking… How did you lose your arm?”

I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he took in my question.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I… I want to,” he insisted as he brought me that much closer. His chin rested on top of my head. “I was on break… And these little local kids loved playing hopscotch with us. We’d draw out the hopscotch on the ground and we would use a little rock and all that… Then one day, there was a truck out by the road. One of ours. We didn’t think anything of it even though it wasn’t where it was supposed to be. We figured that out later.” He pressed his lips to my head. He was trembling, even if he was trying to hide it. “We were searching for a good rock to use… and when I got close to grab a rock under the wheel… someone set off a bomb. Blew my arm clean off. It was all in… all in slow motion.” Bucky sighed, shaking his head. “I’d rather it be me then one of those little kids though.”

I sighed, squeezing him tight. “You’re a good man, James.” He clearly didn’t wanna think about it anymore, so I quickly changed the subject. “Have you ever had someone braid your hair?” I asked as I reached up, running my fingers through his long hair.

“Can’t say I have,” he said, a chuckle reverberating through his chest. “Why? You wanna braid my hair for me, bear cub?”

I hummed, twirling a strand of his hair around my fingers. “Mm… I think it’d look real pretty braided…”

“Pretty? You calling me pretty?” He snorted.

“Mmhm.”

“Why’s that?”

“‘Cause you’re pretty.”

By the blush on his cheeks, I could tell that he hadn’t ever been called pretty again.

And I knew I’d have to start calling him pretty a lot more.

Bucky had a shy smile on his face as he squeezed me closer to him, burying his face in my hair. “You’re prettier, bear cub.” He kissed my forehead again, humming. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

It was another two months before there was a break in the snow long enough for them to be able to head to town for more groceries. Plus, they needed to stop and get her some clothing that actually fit her.

Not that Bucky didn’t mind her wearing his clothes. He liked it a lot, actually. His little bear cub in his sweaters and such.

But she did want some pants that fit her proper and some underwear, at least.

And she was excited, but clearly anxious. “Come on, Alpine,” she said happily as they ran out to the truck, Bucky following quickly behind.

“You’re adorable,” he said softly as he climbed in the driver’s seat.

“Shut it,” she said, covering her face in Alpine’s white fur.

He was falling for her. Hard. Even after the electric came back on, they hadn’t stopped staying in the same bed. It just felt natural. They hadn’t done anything more than cuddle, but he wasn’t exactly in a rush. Bucky was very happily letting her take the reins when it came to how quick they moved.

But he did wanna talk to her about being together officially at some point.

The one thing he was really worried about was the fact that she still wouldn’t let him call the police.

He just wanted to find the man who had hurt her and wring his neck with his bare hands.

Or at least have him thrown in jail. At the very least.

The first thing they did was get her some clothes and shoes so she could change into them, even though he was pleased to note that she did keep on his sweater.

She looked really, really good in green.

Like, really good.

“We need at least two containers of cottage cheese,” she said as she grabbed them, grinning.

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, coming up to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He couldn’t help it. He loved touching her. Preferred to have at least one hand on her at all times. “Better make that three containers, bear cub. From what I remember, someone ate an entire container in one sitting and then promptly threw all of it up.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Her cheeks flushed as she nuzzled into him. “And I only have two hands, James.”

A slow smirk spread over his lips as he looked at her pretty face. He loved getting her all flustered. “I didn’t say you had to grab it all at once.” As if to make a point, he reached over and grabbed a third container, moving to set it in the cart.

It was when he had turned his head away for less than thirty seconds that he heard the sound of plastic hitting the ground, and saw cottage cheese splattered across the marble tiles.

“Bear cub?” He said in confusion as he looked around. But she’d disappeared. His brows furrowed as his eyes met Brock Rumlow’s, who was glowering at him for some fucking reason. His eyes flickered down to his outfit, his heart stopping inside his chest when he saw the badge.

Brock Rumlow was a police officer.

His bear cub hated cops and refused to let him call the cops.

She’d disappeared when she saw him.

Fuck.

He didn’t like the thoughts that were running in his head.

Bucky had to find her before Brock did.

He didn’t even attempt to act nonchalant as he ran through the store, leaving the cart there. His heart was absolutely racing.

Alpine wasn’t sitting outside the front door where they’d left her.

He rushed to the parking lot, breathing out a sigh of relief when he found her and Alpine in the truck, huddled down on the floor. “Oh, thank fuck,” he breathed out as he got in the driver’s seat. He didn’t even buckle before he was peeling out of the parking lot. “He’s not gonna touch you, baby. I promise.”

She looked up at him with glassy eyes, tears staining down her soft cheeks. “H-He… He’s the one who…”

“I know,” he said quietly as he reached over to take her hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing. He was flying up the mountain as fast as he could without spinning out, heading for the cabin. “I know that it’s him. But he’s not going to touch you, okay? I’m not gonna let him. I’m gonna protect you.” He handed her his phone out of his pocket. “Bear cub, can you go to my contacts and call Sam? Tell him we need him as soon as possible.”

She nodded, her hands trembling as she found the name and called. “H-Hello? This is Bucky’s friend and w-we need someone at Bucky’s immediately. Please.”

When they got back to the cabin, he rushed her inside. “Go upstairs to our bedroom, lock the door, and then go to the bathroom and lock the door,” he said. “Take the handgun in my bedside table with you.”

“J-Jamie, I’m scared,” she whimpered, her hands shaking.

He rushed forward, his hands holding her face as he pulled her into a kiss. “It’s all gonna be okay. But don’t come out for anyone that isn’t me, alright?” He said softly, caressing her cheeks. “Take Alpine with you.”

She nodded, and he let out a sigh of relief as she went.

He grabbed the gun he had hidden in the living room, quickly loading it. He knew that Rumlow would be coming up after them, especially if he was the one who had kept his precious girl kidnapped for over a decade.

He had a lot to lose.

But so did Bucky. He’d just gotten his girl, and he wasn’t losing her anytime soon.

Bucky Barnes would not be losing the one person that made him feel human again.

And if it came down to it, and he died protecting her, he’d be okay with that as long as she was safe. He’d just have to bring down Brock with him.

He stiffened as he heard the car pull into the drive with a roar and then the slamming of the door. He knew it wasn’t Sam. It would take him longer than that to get up there considering when they’d called.

Brock didn’t even bother knocking. He shot through the lock and threw the door open.

It was all a blur. Bucky shot at him and managed to catch him in the thigh, but Brock just kept coming. He was pretty sure he had a bulletproof vest on, too.

“So this is where the little brat’s been?” Brock snarled, glaring as he pointed the gun at him. “I figured she’d died out in the snow. Would’ve been better if she had.”

Bucky wasn’t going to dignify it with a response. He knew Brock was just trying to rile him up to get him to fuck up. And he couldn’t let that happen when his girl’s life was on the line.

What he did do was aim at Brock’s hand and get him to drop the gun before he rushed forward and pinned him to the ground to wait for Sam. He shoved him to the ground, glaring at him harshly. “You will never touch her again,” he hissed, emphasizing each word as his hand wrapped around his throat and squeezed threateningly. “And I’d fucking kill you now, but you don’t deserve a quick death.” He spit in his face. “I want you to get put in prison for life, and I want to hear about how your ass is getting kicked everyday for kidnapping and raping a little girl, and holding her hostage for over a decade. I’m gonna personally make sure you never see the light of day again.”

As soon as the door opened and Sam came in with two other officers, he lifted his hands in surrender, getting off him once he knew that Brock wouldn’t be able to get out.

Before anyone could stop to question him, he ran upstairs. “BABY?” He called out as he knocked on the bedroom door.

It took less than thirty seconds for his girl to open the door and throw herself into his arms, Alpine barking excitedly behind her.

“Hey, Alpine,” he said with a laugh as he scooped her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as she buried her face in his neck. “Did you protect your mama? Yeah?”

She let out a weak laugh as she nuzzled in further. “Are you okay?” She asked, her voice cracking as she pulled back to look at him, holding his face as she checked him for injuries.

“Bear cub, he didn’t even touch me,” he said softly, holding her close. “He’s in cuffs now, being put in the back of a cop car to go to prison…” He kissed her forehead. “He can’t ever get near you again. They’re gonna search his place and it’ll all be over. You never have to go back there ever again.”

I jerked awake, letting out a broken scream. Sweat dripped down my back, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Alpine let out a worried whine from where she laid on my feet, keeping them toasty.

“Hey… Hey, I’m here,” Bucky whispered sleepily as he brought me into his chest with his one arm. His prosthetic had been taken off earlier. “I’ve got you, bear cub… I’m right here…”

I crumbled into tears as I was pulled onto his lap, my nose brushing against his neck. “J-Jamie…”

“Was it the dream again?”

I nodded, my hands grasping at him to hold him close. “I wa-was back in that basement… W-With Him.”

He had gotten to see the basement first hand. The concrete walls. The dirty mattress that rested on the ground without any sheets. The bugs and the rats that I had shared that space with. The broken window that Brock had covered with a trash bag. The cameras.

He’d seen me through the whole trial.

It didn’t take long for Brock to be put on trial and found guilty. Hell, the jury only deliberated for an hour before coming back and giving their verdict.

With all the evidence from his cabin and his own poor defense, I didn’t even have to testify, which was a relief.

The piece of shit actually thought he’d get off easy. But he got fifty years, and considering he was already over forty, it wasn’t likely that he’d ever get to leave prison again.

There was a bit of… question about what would happen to me after. Where I would go.

My parents came to see me at Bucky’s, and they started talking about me going home with them and how they still had my room all set up.

But I just couldn’t leave Bucky and Alpine. Not after everything.

And as much as I knew that me being taken wasn’t their fault, I didn’t feel safe with them like I did with him.

I thought Bucky was going to cry when I said that I wanted to stay with him. He’d rushed to reassure them that he was going to take care of me and he was already working on helping me get my GED.

They seemed to like him, which was good.

And yeah. The nightmares still came back sometimes. I would always be haunted, even with my therapists’ help.

“I’ve got you… He’s never gonna touch you again. You’re safe,” Bucky whispered as he kissed my cheek. He pulled back, his hand cupping my face. “I love you. And I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again. And you know Alpine won’t.”

“I know,” I said softly as I rested my head against his chest as he laid us down again. “I love you, too.”

No, the nightmares didn’t go away. But that didn’t matter when I had Bucky.

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n

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cbk1000 · 8 months ago

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And part three. (Final part; sorry this is so long: it has been a fucking long four months.)

No problem, Doctor Dipshit, I guess I'll just do your job and continue treating myself.

After my period ends, my heart rate drops again. It's still not as low as it should be, but it's much better. I continue to gradually improve. It's not a linear process; some days are better than others, but I never feel as bad as I did at the beginning of all this. My main issue is really my heart rate at this point; I'm no longer dizzy, I don't have the extreme weakness I had, my nausea is gone, I'm sleeping much better, and I'm a lot less tired than I was even before all this started. But the high heart rate keeps me still mostly bedbound, and I'm gnashing my teeth, because at this point I feel well enough to be mad about it, instead of just lying in bed trying to stave off death.

I finally start turning a corner, almost three months into taking supplements. My heart rate is consistently lower; even my last period wasn't as rough. (I felt a little worse than I had been, but my heart rate didn't spike, and I mostly just felt more run down than I normally would during my period.)

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been able to sit and stand and walk around for much longer, and I was finally, after months, able to start writing again. My heart rate is still a bit higher than it should be, and I have chest pain and tightness that radiates into my throat (it almost feels like an asthma attack) if I exert myself too much, but I can sit up for a good couple, few hours at a time, then lie down for a few minutes till those symptoms improve, and then get back up again. It is more exhausting to do things because of this, but I still, honestly, feel less tired than when I was a fully functioning, 'normal' person, and I've noticed that the horrible, frequent anxiety attacks I was having multiple times a week, out of nowhere, with no trigger, haven't happened since I started supplementing. I have been stressed, of course, but not baselessly anxious. Apparently iron deficiency can cause or worsen anxiety, so the anxiety I was having for the last couple of years that I attributed to all the changes at work, and how generally stressful the world has been, was also likely related to this.

Today, three and a half months after starting iron supplements, I'm writing this sitting up at my computer. I have some chest pain, but right now it's more of an annoyance than anything, and I can push through for a while before I'll need to lie down for a bit. The last week I have been able to write 27,000 words, animatedly play a video game I'm into at the moment (I shout a lot when I play), take Seamus outside multiple times a day while Mr. Jenn is at work (albeit for very short walks around the backyard, but still), edit, and concentrate on my reading. I can now sit out and eat dinner at our countertop and visit with Mr. Jenn. I spend more time up now than I do in bed. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with a non-lunatic, and will hopefully be able to get medical clearance to finally return to work (Mr. Jenn and I have rigged up my desk so that I can recline and still see my monitors and work if I need more than my allotted breaks to rest) and an order for an iron infusion to get me the rest of the way more quickly. It has been the longest four months of my life. I have felt trapped in my own body. There were points during that constant back and forth of regressing a bit, improving a bit, regressing a bit, that I was afraid I would be stuck like that forever. I've had enough of consistently being on my feet day after day over the last few weeks that, while I'm not yet at 100% and know it will still probably be a while before I am, I know I will be, eventually. I actually feel confident in that now.

What I mean to say with these three very long-winded posts is, please do not ignore what your body is telling you. I wrote off the extreme fatigue, and anxiety, and burning and tingling I was feeling in my legs and feet as poor sleep, the world going to shit, muscle strain, etc. etc. That was my body trying to tell me something was really wrong. I did not know these were symptoms of iron deficiency; and not everyone gets them, and not everyone gets such severe symptoms that their entire body shuts down and confines them to bed for months: but there was something wrong with me, probably for years, and I ignored that, and wrote it off, because the symptoms were non-specific, and I'd lived with them for so long that I normalized them. If you are having any of these symptoms, especially fatigue, especially if you're menstruating, and especially especially if most of your iron sources aren't from meat, please get an iron panel done. Not your CBC; that will only tell you if your hemoglobin is ok, and I can tell you, as exhibit A, that just because your hemoglobin is normal, does not mean you don't have iron deficiency. B12 deficiency will cause some of these same symptoms as well, so if you're vegetarian, definitely get that checked as well.

The only reason I was able to put two and two together was because I had had similar cardiac issues after a blood donation, when it was easy to go, "Wait, I think you bled too much; let's put some iron back in you." I don't want to think about how long I might have been stuck like this getting booted from specialist to specialist with no one thinking to check my iron levels because my hemoglobin was normal. If you do not have enough of this one single mineral in your body, it can literally be debilitating. I work a desk job from home; I have been out of work for four months now because I haven't even been able to sit up at a desk. I actually ran out of legally-protected medical leave a month ago and am just lucky that my employer wants to keep me enough that they were willing to put me on personal leave until I was ready to come back.

Anyway, that is my extremely long update. I sincerely appreciate everyone who has checked in on me and asked how I'm doing.

#personal

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theramseyloft · 3 years ago

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8/25/21

Cheeto, makin' sure my day starts early.

Couture is 6 months old today.

He officially joined the breeding roster yesterday when his first egg was fertile.

Archie is 16 weeks old, still looking for a home.

Banner (Patch x Spangle) is 6 weeks, due to get his initial vaccines tonight.

The second egg of Thistle and Amiga's second clutch and the first of Wess and Dolly's are being candled today.

Need to sit a minute.

Just moved my 150lb chewy order to the laundry room so I can get it out the door more easily and my back hates me.

This is why April wasn't allowed to hatch eggs even before I got out of breeding doves.

You can actually see where the shell has sufficient calcium and where is doesn't. The narrow end curves slightly to the side like melted plastic, indicating that is was rubbery when she passed it.

She is supplemented free choice and definitely eats her oyster shell.

But something is wrong with either her absorption or distribution.

If there is not enough calcium getting to her ovaries to build a full shell, there isn't enough in the egg to build a full peep skeleton.

If she were to hatch it, and the peep were to survive, feeding it would kill her.

Fuck.

Hate that this is the second rest I've needed today.

Hauled a 50lb sack of feed from storage to the loft and filled the feed container so I could fill the quarantine feed container.

Ok.

Back to it.

And four minutes later, I need another rest.

I just hauled out three 50lb bags from my laundry room to the storage shed.

They are paper.

I can't heft them over my shoulder to more evenly distribute the weight or drop them when they get too heavy, or they'll split.

I have also had them split from getting stuck to my shoulder with sweat

So I have to carry them in my arms like a gigantic baby, which us the position least kind to my back.

I have arthritis.

I physically cannot straighten my legs to stand with a weight, so I am not capable of lifting with my knees.

Moving feed, sand bags, and straw takes a LOT out of me that's very difficult to recover from.

Ok.

Laundry in the dryer.

Second load in the washer.

Writing all this down because I have been working since 8am, and Cheeto's mat is the only bird related thing I have cleaned, so it feels like I've gotten nothing done but hurt my back.

I got up two hours earlier than I usually do, and am still just now getting started on work.

Because the loft is no closer to clean than it would be on a day I slept in, everything I have done this morning registers as having done nothing.

Patron: "You’ve gotten a lot done"

Yeah.

My brain measures work in terms of "how much do we have left?" Because I have the same amount left, I have just been procrastinating, as far as she is concerned.

The "one more little thing" syndrome is real today.

Sat down to clean the dove Palace.

Realized I forgot to get them straw (April is on a fegg, so Gordon will be compelled to bring her the floor.)

Went to get straw.

Sat down again.

Realized I forgot the paper towels.

Gordon inspecting my offering.

2 weeks and a day until Vito can go home.

Mat fell in love with him and Danica.

By the time Nica is done with her peep, his flock will be out of quarantine.

Raddish got his second dose of wormer.

If his throat swab is clean tonight, he'll go out to the loft in the morning.

Raddish is very upset about wormer-get, and wants a bath.

Brightheart lost another scab layer.

He is so beyond done with my shit...

I trimmed his crest to keep it out of the blood when he itches those off.

Speaking of itches, Ibis was supposed to leave quarantine tomorrow, but she still has lice.

I found an adult and some hatchlings.

She's really tight-feathered, so getting her sufficiently dipped is a bit of a bitch..

Pants is on his last day of Trich meds.

He didn't have any worms, so he'll just join the flock on their schedule.

Charlie is standing like a pigeon!

She gets wormed tomorrow and then the last thing I'll have to worry about is lice.

Everyone who still needs it gets dipped on Sundays.

Today has not been my fucking day.

The humidity is so intense that I have to come in every few minutes because within five, I get dizzy.

aaaand a wasp got lost in my skirt and panicked when I did not let her out soon enough.

my ass and hips have been stung five times, and my skin and the only work skirt not in the washer or dryer is covered in scared wasp beacon pheromones.

Patron: "I have switched to ivermectin sheep drench for lice. One drop in each armpit. It worked for my flock's lice that seemed to never quite go away otherwise. And it's less traumatic for the bird."

Interesting.

I know that works well for swift body lice, but I use Ivermectin for worms.

If it worked on long bodied feather lice, I would not still have new birds covered in them.

Patron: "It worked on mine including the three I just picked up."

"They had them visibly, and pretty bad. Now none."

"I use it orally for worms. This is a liquid that I apply directly to the skin."

Does it not get into the bloodstream when ingested?

Not trying to be a smartass. Genuine question.

Patron: "I dunno the mechanism. Just that this works and orally doesn't."

"This says one drop, but I was told to do 2."

Every time I have used anything you just apply to the armpit or nape of the neck, there have still been lice every time I have checked.

Patron: "I can send you some to try it. I have a lifetime supply. Lol"

I have had to look very carefully for them, but they have always still been present.

I have some for worms.

Pigeons always drink before they bathe, and I got it as a back up if the worm out gel didn't work.

Patron: "It probably does get into the bloodstream but not at a high enough concentration to kill maybe"

That's a distinct possibly.

I will be back.

I am not allergic to wasps, but sensitive enough that a sting triggers nerve pain flare ups elsewhere.

By executive order, I'm taking the rest of the day off once everyone is fed, and I do not have words for how upset I am to need to stop every fucking cleaning day since Khou died because my ability to physically function keeps quitting on me for one reason or another.

I have maybe finished unaided twice.

And I'm so goddamn tired of either my brain or body quitting on me when I need them.

My bird picked me.

I had a break down in the loft, and diamond got into my lap.

When I went to pet her, she jumped off. She had only wanted treats.

But then Cotta got up into my lap.

When I tried to offer him a treat, he took it gently from my fingertips, spat it out, and bowed his head like Ankhou used to to get me to pet him.

I expected that he'd nope out, but he did actually cuddle closer when I pet him and let me cuddle with him until I was done crying.

But now my husband's bird is jealous and trying to win me back.

Cheeto...

Make up your goddamn mind.

#tw gore #blood #scalping recovery

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actuallyadhd · 4 years ago

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Hey!, so I’ve been thinking I might have inattentive ADHD. Like, I have many symptoms (I think), but I’m not sure if at the same rate that people with ADHD. I mean, I experience them but maybe as everyone. I still haven’t had too much trouble (except with lack of motivation, some executive dysfunction, daydreaming a lot, not paying attention, rejection dysphoria, and I think I may suffer from sensory overload sometimes but I don’t really know how to know what those are...), but I think that as I have anxiety (most likely) and as I’m a teenager and live with my parents, the symptoms are like hidden with schedules as I don’t decide when to eat. But I’ve noticed when I’m alone, I skip some dinners, have late meals... And also, online classes hasn’t helped with my attention span.

It’s weird, because I’ve always been the best or one of the bests students of my class, not behaving bad. Being “a pleasure to have in class” and all that, and for what I’ve seen, it’s not typical. And symptoms have appeared, or at least I have acknowledged them (that’s most likely), this last year. Except for fidgeting (that’s always been there), daydreaming and many times not being able to pay attention.

What I’m scared of is that when I get older and live alone, I’ll be a complete mess. I already deal with anxious and depressed thoughts, I don’t want to have it harder. And I can’t really ask my parents for help since they very anti-psychologists and therapists, and I think I cannot be mentally ill. So they always say I’m very lazy, which hurts me because I can’t help but be always really tired or restless (so I don’t know if this is procastination and I’m just lazy or actually ADD). But then again, is just the typical teen hormones and anxiety, or ADHD?

And anxiety doesn’t help with thinking I’m just faking this... I’m sorry I rambled, but I can’t really explain it well. I don’t even know what I would get from this, but I think it could help me to know what is wrong.

Thanks!

Sent March 23, 2021

This is a tough one. As you say, there are a lot of different things that could be going on here. It’s particularly rough when the people you need to help you seem like they’d rather just make value judgments. So I’m going to make a few suggestions that might help you, and you can see what sounds feasible to you.

So first I’m going to recommend talking to your parents in terms of what it feels like to have the struggles you do. You said you’re tired a lot, so if you’re getting enough sleep you can definitely mention that. Tell them that you’d like to see the doctor to talk about how you’ve been feeling, so you can find out what’s going on. If you’re sure they will resist any mention of mental stuff, just talk about things like low iron, which is not something you should supplement without talking to a doctor first.

The four biggest things that impact our functioning and emotional state, regardless of whether we have ADHD or not, are sleep, diet, exercise, and stress levels. If even one of those is off, things get harder.

Sleep. You probably need more sleep than you’re getting. If I recall correctly, adolescents require (on average) a minimum of 9 hours of sleep per night. If you’re not getting that, you might benefit from making adjustments to your sleep habits. (Side Note: If anyone would like a post about sleep, please let me know and I’ll see what I can do!)

Diet. It’s important to eat a healthy diet with lots of vegetables and protein in particular. Some people find that a low-carb diet is great for them, while others find that they really need those carbs. To me, what matters is that you get enough protein. There are a lot of important things that protein does for your body and your brain!

Exercise. Cardio is best, but it doesn’t have to be high-intensity or anything like that. The most important thing is that you do something every day. A simple 15-minute walk can help your brain more than you think! On top of that, when you find your focus really lagging, a 5-minute active break can be a huge help in resetting your brain so you can get back to work.

Stress Levels. This is hardest to control. It’s important to find ways to lower your stress levels when possible. It’s been a really rough year, and stress levels are high for everyone. I recommend finding a couple of simple, screen-free activities that you can do to relax in the lead-up to bedtime, like colouring or taking a hot bath. I also recommend exploring stimming, as this can help relieve stress in the moment and can also help you focus if you’re unable to take that active break I talked about up above. Things like fidget cubes, knitting, and playing with Silly Putty can be really great for this.

I hope some of these will help you, and I’m sure some followers will have more suggestions. Be sure to check the notes on this post!

Followers, you’re up! Do you have any more suggestions for this anon?

-J

#adhd #actually adhd #asks #anonymous #questioning if adhd #parents

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capesandshapes · 4 years ago

Text

All You Had To Do Was Stay (Adrienette) (2/4)

Summary:

Three years ago, Marinette revealed her identity to him. Three years ago, he promised to wait in a hotel room for her. Three years ago, she opened the door to find it empty.

Now she's expected to play nice with him, since she's the maid of honor and he's unfortunately the best man. But old habits die hard, and old feelings die harder.

"This is a wedding, not a death march, Marinette."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had gone overboard.

Marinette had one job, and they had gone overboard.

Okay, she had five jobs—but at the moment it felt like only one, and at the moment, that job was completely and utterly failed.

Every single surface of the bakery was covered in cakes. Every godly combination of cake, every possible frosting, every style of decoration, every type of vanilla—And that wasn’t even the end of it.

No! Because what if, at the very last moment, Alya and Nino had needed cupcakes or a pie or a tarte. Were they sure they didn’t want cookies? They could include them in the gift bags! And savory cakes weren’t off the table either, Marinette’s father reassured them that he could stay up the whole night and bake enough for Paris if they needed.

Not to mention the eight boxes on the counter behind Marinette—She’d been looking thin! This past week Tom had been worried that she’d been depressed—Never mind the fact that she was—and his little girl needed her favorite treats… Which meant every sweet she had ever so much as smiled at, and so many dumplings that Marinette would have to freeze them and eat them for months to come. Nino and Alya had similar offerings behind them.

Nino and Alya also had strained looks on their faces.

The cake tasting had gone over an hour later than it was supposed to, and there was no possible way out. Nino checked his smartwatch a thousand times, but every attempt he made at opening his mouth found his plate refilled.

“I just love weddings,” Marinette’s father proclaimed, tears in the corners of his eyes.

Marinette couldn’t miss the soft mumble of her mother trying to calm him, “someday, Tom.” She did her best to eat then, if only to soothe the two of them.

Her parents didn’t know what had happened between her and Adrien, only that one day he was there and the next day he jetted out of Paris. It was better that it stayed that way, god forbid they found out. She didn’t want to be there the moment that her father realized; she didn’t think she could stand to have him look at her afterwards.

He always wanted the world to be good to her, and she didn’t have the heart to tell him that it hadn’t been. That she’d faced monsters he couldn’t imagine and had skirted the line between life and death as a hero of Paris. That was one secret he would never know.

“I really do have to go, Mister Dupain,” Nino tried for the hundredth time as her dad placed four more slices on his plate. “There’s this thing and I… I mean, I can’t leave my dude waiting.”

“You could invite them here,” Tom said, serving Alya a slice of spiced rum cake. The young woman teetered between blissful and concerned. “Like I always say, the more the merrier.”

“Yeah, that’s like, a completely valid statement in some cases but…” Nino trailed off, flinching. Her dad frowned. “I mean, it’s not you! Definitely not you guys, you’re amazing—Marinette is amazing!” He quickly added. “It’s just one of those things…”

“We’re not hip anymore, or they don’t like cake?” Tom pushed. “Because I have croissants, croquettes, even a quiche or two! If they’re gluten intolerant, I have a whole spread!”

“No, no! He loves your stuff!” Nino immediately flinched the moment he said it.

The gears began to turn in her father’s head at the same time Marinette nearly choked on her slice of cake. “Adrien!” His face lit up with familiarity, making the obvious guess since the blond’s return was the talk of Paris. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen him, honey!” He immediately turned to her mother, and Marinette could see him quickly begin to recall the young man’s order.

“Three years,” Marinette finally butted in, supplementing the information her father would no doubt demand to know. “It’s been three years.”

“He must have gotten so skinny,” her father said with an edge of concern, “Sabine, we should make a box!” Her mother was already ahead of him.

Alya butted in, swallowing the remainder of her cake in one bite. “I mean, he’s still a model, maybe he shouldn’t come. I mean, the temptation, the…” She looked to Marinette to supplement, all the woman could do was vigorously nod her head, “carbs.” Alya winced.

“Nonsense, everyone knows those diets aren’t healthy,” Sabine began.

“He’s really into them,” Alya insisted.

“Well,” Sabine continued, fully dedicated to the idea of helping such a poor, starving model, “we’ll fix that. Call him up.”

“That’s…”

“—I’m sure Marinette wants to see him,” Sabine finished.

Oh, how utterly wrong she was. “Call him,” Marinette said, trying to make the strange way that she pulled back her lips look more like a smile than a wince of pain, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

****************

The worst that could happen was that he could show up. And he did.

And suddenly, there he was. Adrien. Standing in her parents’ shop door, a familiar blue scarf around his neck tied almost as tightly as her father’s arms were wrapped around him. Laughing, smiling, acting like nothing had happened and like he hadn’t been gone for three years.

Until he saw her.

“You sit next to Marinette, Adrien,” Sabine insisted, “we don’t want to break up the lovebirds.”

She swore she saw him swallow.

He looked different in real life compared to his Instagram posts, she was pleased to see. They’d erased the small bags underneath his eyes, the creasing beginning to form between his brows, and that persistent memory of a smile that hung on his lips even when he was meaning to look stoic and thoughtful. She was a little thankful for it, because that meant that the man she sometimes looked at in the middle of the night, that she spent far too much time on, was fake. She wasn’t crying over the real Adrien Agreste while he was lounging on a beach somewhere with flawless skin and a perfect smile.

“It’s been a long time, Marinette,” he said as he settled beside her, his voice soft and almost inaudible. She couldn’t place the tone of it.

“Whose fault is that,” her response was sarcastic and the smile she put on for her parents’ sake was fake. She’d rather he sat in a dumpster outside.

He winced.

“So,” Tom carried on, loading up a plate for Adrien to the point that Marinette was almost afraid of it cracking, “New York, Berlin, Rome, Moscow, and Sydney! You’re really well-traveled now, Adrien, I’m a little jealous! I’m afraid to say that I didn’t pin you for a globetrotter, but maybe I was a little wrong in that! You’ve done some really impressive things these past years.”

“Yeah,” he said, accepting the plate from Tom with a gracious nod, “I’ve really gone out there, but I’m happy to be home. I always tell everyone that my heart is in Paris. I was sad to leave it.”

“So, you’ll be staying around then?” Sabine perked up.

“For a few months, maybe if I’m lucky a few years,” he said. “It really depends on how things go.” Looking down at his plate, Adrien said, “I sort of left a lot of things up in the air when I left Paris.”

If there was a word for the look Marinette shot him out of the corner of her eye, it was poisonous.

It was Tom’s turn to speak again, he continued his interrogation of Adrien as Sabine shot her daughter a questioning look, and Alya gave Marinette a warning kick from her seat a few inches away. “So, what’s on the checklist while you’re here? Any sights you have to see, things you have to do, friends you have to check in with?”

All anger melted away, dissolving into the utterly terrifying sea of embarrassment. Alya’s eyes widened in mock horror as the color left Marinette’s face, the way he said friends let there be no mistake, her father was going to try to wingman for her.

“I think most of his friends are gone by now—” Marinette quickly interrupted.

“Well, I have my father’s house to sell, I’d like to check in with a few victims of akumatization, and—” he paused at her statement, his eyes quickly looking over to her and catching her gaze for a split second. “I had some friends I wanted to check in,” he said, his tongue wetting his lips in an awkward show of unease.

“Had,” Marinette emphasized, drawing the line.

“Had,” Adrien repeated, a flicker of curiosity in his eyes. He sat up a little straighter, looking back to the Dupain-Chengs. “It’s been a long time.” Indeed, it had been.

*****************

Somehow they made it through all the cakes, her parents sending each home with an additional box of their favorites so that they could be absolutely sure of their selections. Alya and Nino went home together, and there was an option for Marinette to stay at her parents, but one look at her mother’s eyes roaming over her like a crime scene and Marinette knew she wouldn’t take it.

She always liked the walk home anyway, and her parents wanted to speak to Adrien a little longer. So, giving the slightest of waves, she walked out.

She only realized what an awful choice that was minutes later, when she heard the pounding of pavement behind her and a familiar voice calling her name. “Hey, Marinette, wait up!” Adrien.

Maybe if she pretended not to hear it, he would go away.

He did not go away.

“Marinette!”

“I should have just stayed home, I should have just slept in my childhood bed,” Marinette mumbled, cursing the fact that she didn’t live near a tourist destination where she could easily vanish into the crowds. No, instead she was walking down a quiet, empty street; one where it was impossible to ignore him.

“Hey,” he said when he finally caught up to her, and she clenched her eyes shut as tightly as possible as if that would somehow make him go away.

Hey, that was what he had to say? Three years and she gets a hey? “Hey,” she said back, her voice dripping with unenthusiasm. What on earth did he think he was doing?

She opened her eyes to see his hand at the back of his neck, a sheepish expression on his face. “I, uh, just wanted to say hi.” Right.

“Of course,” she said awkwardly, “that’s all you want to say, right. Thank you,” she paused. “Hi,” she reiterated, echoing the statement back at him. As if they hadn’t just spent four hours trying cakes together, as if he hadn’t sat right beside her in her parents’ shop, as if she wasn’t freaking Ladybug and he Chat Noir.

They were on hi terms now. What even were hi terms?

He quickened his pace to keep up with her. “Listen, uh,” he tried again, “I want this to work out.”

He caught the look on her face.

“The wedding,” he quickly clarified. “Their wedding, not ours. Because, you know, there won’t be an our wedding, there will be a… their wedding. And that’s uh…,” he was trying not to ramble, she could tell. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” she parroted back.

“I just want to get through this,” he started quickly, and his eyes immediately widened as he realized what he said and how it could be misunderstood. He tried to open his mouth again, but she stopped him before he could get more words out.

“We will,” she said.

“Right, because we’re…” A team? He’d ended that. “Good at working together,” he said, and even Marinette had to flinch at how lame it sounded.

“Yeah, I’m sure we are,” Marinette replied, letting her eyes drift down to the sidewalk. She didn’t want it to last too much longer, she didn’t want him to see that she still lived in the same place. She didn’t want him to have another part of her life.

She couldn’t afford for him to.

And yet there he was, and she could tell that he wanted it. That he wanted another part of her life, that he wanted—god, what did he want? To ruin her again? To make the fact that it wasn’t going to happen completely clear?

“I missed you,” he said suddenly, his voice low and almost croaking.

“Go home, Adrien.”

#marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #adrienette #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #miraculous fanfiction #my fanfic #part two

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janeyseymour · 4 years ago

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Have You Been Taking Care of Yourself?- a fanfic

prompt: Have you been taking care of yourself?

WC: 2044

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Jane Seymour to be seen around the house, around the theatre, around the town doing what she could for others. It was very rare that she ever took the time to take care of herself, although she would tell you that by taking care of others she was taking care of herself.

“Okay guys,” Jane addressed the group as she loaded the dishes from dinner into the dishwasher. “So, tomorrow we only have a night show- no matinee. I’ll clean up around the house in the morning, but then I promised Val I would help out at the library for a little bit- you know just clean up some of the children’s sections and organize a bit. You know how kids can get.”

The blonde closed the door to the dishwasher before forgetting that she didn’t put in the dish detergent. “Do you think you could all manage to get to the theatre on time? Because Joan wants to run that new little lick that she thought would go well in my song before we put it in. And then the next day, I think I’m going to volunteer at the food pantry in the morning before the shows, but I was thinking we could all have dinner after? I’ll cook. And oh, Kat: don’t think I’ve forgotten about that shirt I told you I would embroider.” She closed the dishwasher once more, this time loaded with detergent before pressing the start button. Turning to her family, she put her hands on her hips and looked at the youngest. “I’ll do that after the show tomorrow.”

“You sound like you really have your days planned out for the next few days,” Catherine noted diligently.

The third monarch grinned. “I like to stay busy. Now, I’ve got to go to my room to coordinate a few things for tomorrow with Val, but I’ll be sure to make my rounds before I head to bed. If you need me, don’t hesitate to knock, yes?” The other five queens nodded their heads, watching in wonderment as the woman dressed in grey made her way up the stairs.

“Does she-” Cathy started.

“There’s no way she doesn’t,” Anne finished.

“She’s well aware that Edward's birthday and her death day are coming soon. She’s doing what she can to distract herself,” Catherine stated as if it was obvious. “She isn’t ignoring it, although she’s doing her best to try.”

“How are we supposed to help her?” Kat wondered.

“I suppose we just let her live. If she wishes to distract herself, then sobeit. We just have to be there when she breaks.”

“I think we can do that,” the fourth queen affirmed.

A week had passed, and Jane was still on the move- desperate as ever to get her mind off of her son and her untimely passing. Only, it was getting harder.

Any time she slept now, Edward haunted her dreams. Sometimes it was his birth all over again, the feeling of a three day labor returning. Other times, it was as though she was an angel watching over him as he mused his wishes for his mother to come back. Once it was the blonde boy confronting her angrily over her death- how could she leave him with such a horrible father, and wasn’t she supposed to be the first woman he would ever love; but he would never get that chance since she had the audacity to slip away from him before they could properly meet.

The blonde had been making meals for the queens for days now- something that each of the other queens knew was Jane’s way of coping. The third queen was already in the kitchen cooking or baking more than the others ever were, but it was more and more that the house smelled of something sweet being baked. Jane never ate any of it; she gave it away instead to those that she loved: her family, the food bank down the road, those at the theatre she thought could use a pick-me-up. The thought of food at this point made the woman nauseous. Not knowing if she could stomach the food, she had resorted to supplementing with a protein shake before continuing on with her hectic days she had planned.

“So, are we going to ignore Janey’s death day like she is or...?” the second queen questioned after the silver queen had excused herself from the table that night. Edward’s birthday had come and gone, and it seemed as though Jane was doing just fine.

“If this is how she’s coping with it- I know it isn’t necessarily healthy- but who are we to try to get her upset over it?” The writer wondered aloud.

“I’m not sure she’s coping with it very well though,” Kat sighed into her hand, half asleep. “Last night when I went to her room, she was wide awake. I didn’t think she’s been sleeping at night, so I stayed awake all night. She was awake too, until like five in the morning. I could practically hear the gears in her mind turning. Once she fell asleep, I did too, but when I woke up she wasn’t asleep anymore.”

“She was downstairs and saw me out for my run at six this morning,” Cleves muttered. “Has she not been sleeping at all these past few nights?”

“If you’ll excuse me, I think I have to go talk to Jane.” Catherine pushed herself up from her seat before beginning to make her way out of the room.

“Don’t you think-” Parr started.

“Querida, whatever is happening is far more unhealthy than Jane just letting herself break. Someone needs to talk to her,” the gold queen stated triumphantly before continuing up the steps and towards the grey room.

“Jane, love? Can I come in?” When the first queen heard no response, she assumed that the third queen was finally getting the shuteye she needed, but her light was still on. Turning the knob and letting herself into the room though, she found a puffy-eyed Jane Seymour awake and trembling.

“Oh honey,” Aragon sighed as she made her way across the room.

“I thought I could handle it this year,” the blonde winced as she busied herself with folding laundry. “If I just continued on like it was any other day, I thought I could handle it.”

Catherine plucked the shirt out of the trembling woman’s hands before folding it and placing it in the pile. Grabbing another, she asked, “Have you been taking care of yourself? Like, really and truly taking care of yourself? None of that ‘by taking care of others, I am taking care of myself’ shit.” Jane shook her head defeatedly.

“I haven’t slept more than two hours a night in the past two weeks, Lina. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is him.”

“Him?” The gold queen froze, the pants in her hands half folded.

The silver queen looked at Catalina for the first time since she entered the room before solemnly whispering, “Eddie.”

“Oh honey.” The pair of pants having been dropped to the ground, the elder queen embraced the third with all the love she could muster up. “You must be exhausted.”

“I am,” the younger monarch’s voice broke a little as she buried her face in the other’s shoulder. “I haven’t been able to eat either. I don’t think I can stomach anything at the moment, and I haven’t been able to since three days before his birthday.”

“When you went into labor,” Catherine sighed, a wave of sadness twinging through her for her friend. Jane nodded. “I’m so sorry, love. Why didn’t you-”

“Because I knew you would all dote on me, and I just don't know if I could handle that again. It’s like it makes it worse when you do. All that swims through my mind is Edward and the fact that I-” the younger queen pulled away from the woman dressed in yellow before mumbling, “-I failed him. I thought if I could take care of others, it would help me like it usually does but...”

“Querida, this is a completely different situation, and you did not have to go through it alone.”

“I’m sorry,” was all the troubled woman could breathe out.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for honey. But instead of taking this all on by yourself and constantly caring for others, why don’t you let us take care of you for a change? Nothing has to be out of the ordinary.”

“How would we even do that?”

“We treat it as though you’re on your period. I’m assuming you’ve been having phantom pains that you’ve just been ignoring?” Catherine voiced. When Jane meekly nodded, the first queen all but scooped her up into her arms and placed her in her bed. “I’ll be back in a few moments.”

“Please don’t leave me,” the blonde whimpered out.

“I won’t be but a few minutes,” she assured the woman in bed. When she noticed the pout that was beginning to grow on the younger woman’s face, Catherine pulled out her cell phone to text Kat. “What if I had Kat come keep you company while I just do a few things downstairs? I promise you I won’t be more than ten minutes.” Seeing that Jane seemed content with the plan, she asked the fifth queen to come keep the third monarch company for a few minutes.

“I’ve been summoned?” the pink haired queen joked before sliding onto the bed next to her maternal figure. When Jane grimaced in pain, Katherine immediately backed off.

“No, no, please come here. I’m fine.” The blonde waved a hand dismissively. “Just a bit of cramping, but nothing will stop me from-”

“Say no more Mum. You just tell me if you get uncomfortable, and I’ll help you in any way I can,” Kat told the woman gently.

Satisfied that Jane was finally taking a moment to rest, Catherine made her way out of the room.

When Catalina walked downstairs, she heard the television playing softly, but all eyes were on her.

“So?” the television show now forgotten about, the four women on the couch were staring at her curiously.

“She hasn’t slept more than two hours each night since three night’s before Edward’s birthday. She hasn’t eaten much since then either, unsure if she could stomach anything other than a light protein shake in the mornings. It’s no wonder she looks like absolute hell: the malnutrition along with the lack of sleep would have anyone looking like a zombie.”

“And yet she still looks like our Janey, although a few pounds lighter if I do say so myself,” Anne noted.

“Her sweater did look a bit bigger on her now that you mention it,” Cathy added on.

“So what are we doing about it?” Anna looked ready to help in any way she could.

“She doesn’t want us to make a big fuss over it. Says it makes it worse than it already is. I told her we could handle it like we handle any particularly bad period for any of us.”

“I’ll go get the heating pad.” Cathy stood from her place and headed to her room.

“I’ll make some toast,” Anne replied and made her way to the kitchen.

When Catherine gave her a stern look, Cleves sighed. “I’ll go cut up some bananas for the bread and make sure Boleyn doesn’t burn down the house making toast.”

“Very well. I’ll be in Jane’s room.”

That night, Jane slept peacefully with her five housemates by her side. For the first time in three weeks, the blonde queen was able to close her eyes without being harassed with terrible thoughts flooding her brain. Instead, her dreams were pleasant: a young blonde boy, a striking image of Jane (no Henry could be detected in this boy), enjoying the day with his mother- the five other queens included.

When the third queen woke up the next morning, she was greeted with a breakfast made by the house’s very own Catherine of Aragon. At her place sat a note:

Take care of yourself, and when you can’t: Let us take care of you.

#six the musical #six musical #six fanfiction #six fanfic #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #jane seymour six #six jane seymour

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cosmokyrin · 4 years ago

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Metamorphosis

Summary: A “supplemental” / “missing scene” fic for V8C12. This takes place inside the Manta ship as they were heading for the Vault.

Ship: Ruby Rose / Penny Polendina

Rating: Teen

Length: 1,132 words

Notes: I'm posting this for the informal event within the N&D community to commemorate the anniversary of the RWBY Chibi Fireflies episode! I hadn't had time to make anything longer than this, so I latched onto the more recent ideas I had. I wrote this a sort of "supplemental" scene that I felt was lacking for the recent episode, in light of Penny's transformation.

Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103029

(Full story also here)

***

It was always the darkest before the dawn.

Faint rays of sunlight that lined the dusted crimson sky sat on Penny's face as Blake and Yang assisted her inside the Manta. Despite the help of her friends, walking was an effort. All inside her ached. Jaune was right behind her, the strength of his hand and Semblance keeping her steady. Then as they reached inside the ship, she felt his hand leave her shoulder; in the deep recesses of her mechanical shell, she once again felt the grips of the virus rumbling from within.

"I gave her a large boost. The Aura amp should last until you guys get to the Vault," Jaune said.

"Thanks, Jaune," Ruby said, hugging her fellow leader before she hopped to the ship. The two exchanged nods as the aircraft started to lift off the air.

The ride wasn't going to be long. Not that they had much time in their hands anyway. They knew the virus could emerge again sooner, and what they didn't know was how much more Penny could fight the temptation to succumb. There were only the four of them to hold her back. Klein was busy piloting the ship, Willow was rusty in battle, and Whitley barely had combat experience. Just less than an hour ago, the nine of them almost weren't enough, if not for Penny's own self fighting it.

Penny closed her hands together. She tried not to think about the virus, but her awareness wouldn't dare linger to anything else than scanning her systems. The offender was still wreaking havoc in her code, and it took a great amount of her will to correct it. Thankfully, Blake and Yang's presence at each of her sides brought much comfort.

But Penny thought it didn't have to be like this. If only she didn't take the Maiden powers. If only she let Winter have this. Then maybe they wouldn't have been so divided. Then maybe she didn't need to heavily burden the group in trying to save her. Maybe their plans would have gone better. Maybe she would be with Pietro right now, telling him she's alive and alright. Maybe the Kingdom would have been safe now. If only...

If only she wasn't built that way.

The unpleasant words yelled at the back of her mind even louder than the virus that told her to open the vault and self-terminate. Every time the virus screamed, forcing her soul into chains, she desperately waded through the ropes of control within her consciousness. But more effective than it in washing her away was the voice that told her, it's because you're like that.

Penny was ready to believe that.

But the person who now knelt before her was not.

Two hands placed itself above hers. Even for a moment, for a little more, the terrible voice quieted as silver eyes looked at her, graced with a smile that encapsulated her in a feeling of safety. Penny relaxed and smiled back. Blake and Yang gave both Penny and Ruby a knowing look, standing up and huddling to another corner in the ship. Ruby sat beside Penny, hands still over hers.

“Hey,” Ruby softly said. Penny recalled the same tone from when they were in the Snowshoe warehouse. Despite the violations on her bodily control, she nonetheless felt a tug inside her. She didn’t want to get close to anyone just yet, but the urge was enough to have her lean slightly towards Ruby. The shorter girl wasted no time and wrapped one arm around her back, the other refusing to leave her folded hands.

“I’m… I’m scared, Ruby,” Penny admitted, her voice small and withdrawn.

“We’ll be there for you, Penny. I promise.”

Penny looked at Ruby, the worries drawn within her expression. “I...I always thought my... body was alright the way it is.”

"It is, Penny."

"But they-" Penny clenched her fists tight. "They're using my own body against me. Against my friends. Against my will." She gazed at her hands. "I wish I was enough."

Ruby pulled her closer. "You already are.”

Penny shut her eyes, trying to calm the voice that was resurging. She felt Ruby’s hand grip her waist tighter. As she opened her eyes, her gaze remained fixed on her hands. “But didn’t this all happen because… of this part of me? This part of me that I’ve already learned to... love?”

Ruby brushed her fingers up and down on Penny’s waist. “Sometimes… we all wish there were things about us that we could… replace. Or leave behind.” Penny just slightly missed the brief moment of hurt within Ruby’s eyes.“ Often that’s impossible. And we just accept that. Learn to live with it. Learn to see the bright side of it,” Ruby stared distantly to the side. “But there are also things... we can’t carry forever. Sometimes, these things we choose to carry... they slowly destroy us,” Ruby looked at Penny. “Then we have to make a choice. The choice to let go.”

Penny’s shoulders dropped. Ever since she reawakened in her new body, assigned to watch over Mantle day and night, the thought never left. As time passed, the exploitability of her nature perpetually knocked from the back of her mind, lying within the grim memories when she learned about the Fall of Beacon. She always knew her body was a liability. She knew that, maybe in the end -- the multiple swords of Floating Array, the multifunctionality of her hands, the speed at which she can adjust to threats, the X-ray vision, the special functions of her eyes, the flight ability her father had gifted her, the things she loved about herself, the things that were part of herself -- will be something she would have to let go. She knew that one day, perhaps, she will be forced to fight her friends against her will. And that everything she feared would happen.

She just didn’t expect it so soon.

“I do not want any more of this, Ruby. If… if this body will no longer reflect who I am, then...” Penny searched for silver eyes, for her comfort. “What will be left of me?”

“Everything you truly are.” Ruby wrapped her in a warm, full embrace. Penny didn’t understand what warmth was except for what she had associated them with. But nevertheless she felt it. She felt it in her soul.

And with that, Penny hoped her soul was enough.

The wrecked underside of the Vault was coming into view. The crimson sky had already turned into a dusty orange, and the sun seemed brighter than ever. Blake and Yang were at her side once more, helping her to her feet.

With one last look at her torn gloves, she bid farewell to the things she loved.

#penny polendina #ruby rose #nuts and dolts #mechanical rose #rwby #spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby volume 8 spoilers #rwby spoilers #rwby v8 spoilers #rwby fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #kyrin's writings

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chews-erotically · 4 years ago

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*Waxing Gibbous

Pairing: Ezra + femNurse! Reader

Rating: Hard M / 18+ ONLY

* Warnings: None really, maybe more angst/ comfort

* Summary: You arrive on Central and begin your recoveries.

* Word Count: ~1500

*Part ONE* *Part TWO* *Part THREE* *Part FOUR* *Part FIVE* *Part SIX* *Part SEVEN*

PART EIGHT

If you had fled the Green moon even ten minutes later, Ezra would have died. That was the grim information relayed to you by the sling-back medic after he’d been rushed to a med cot, given high-flow oxygen and sedated. He was critically ill. You’d been told immediately upon arrival and quick assessment that once you reached the Pug you were going to be transferred directly to a teaching hospital on Central.You were faring a bit better, but not by much. Your shoulder had been cleaned and bandaged. As you were conscious, you were given supplemental oxygen through a nasal cannula.

The medic had attempted to press for some detail concerning how you’d both ended up in such states. Exhausted and struck numb, you’d simply shrugged and moved to rearrange the intravenous line of lactated ringer’s solution going into the catheter inserted into the top of your forearm. The machine had started beeping, and the sound was like a hammer to your skull.

Once you reached the Pug things moved quickly indeed. Transport was coordinated in the Pug med bay and a nurse approached you, stating that she would be taking you into an exam room to obtain an updated set of vitals and enter your information into their data system. You had refused.

“I’m not leaving him.”

Clearing his throat, the nurse tried to explain the protocol he had to follow. You held up your hand to still his speech.

“Save it. You won’t change my mind. I’m not leaving him.”

***

Once on the transport you’d been able to keep your eyes open for perhaps twenty minutes. You’d passed out sitting on the hard metal bench with your head slumped forward onto Ezra’s cot, your hand clasping his.

***

Central was cacophonic. After the eerie quiet of the Green the sounds, chatter, colors and thrumming life surrounding you was beating into your brain like a staccato mace. Your head throbbed. You flinched away from the shoulders brushing past you. You were close to panic, overwhelmed by the sensory overload. You took deep, measured breaths. You stayed as close to Ezra’s cot as possible. You had to resist the urge to climb into it with him and throw a blanket over your head.

They were going to have to take Ezra away from you. You knew this logically. He was fragile. Needed intubation, needed close surveillance. He was most likely septic at this point and it was uncertain if the damage he’d suffered to his lung tissue would be permanent. You knew he might still die. You knew this, and you wept openly, pitifully.

“WAIT!” you’d croaked out, shakily grasping the shoulder of the ICU nurse who had begun rushing him down the hallway for STAT bloodwork.

She’d turned to you with sympathy shading her features.

You gazed at her name badge through waterfalls.

“....Mollen. That’s your name?”

A pause. “Yes,” she’d replied softly. You knew you needed to trust her.

“His feet get cold at night. Only at night, otherwise he says they’re like furnaces. He can’t sleep well if his feet aren’t covered. Please cover his feet. Please,” you’d choked.

She had given you a small, sad smile. “Of course.”

“Thank you, Mollen.”

You had stood pathetically twisting your hands together with tears coursing unabashed until Ezra turned a corner and disappeared from you.

***

“Prognosis is precarious,” One of the physicians had pulled you into a private room to go over findings with you. You had since been seen and treated; miraculously you had not needed surgery, though you would most likely have permanent nerve damage to your thumb and two fingers on your left hand. You’d been told that you’d most likely be in the hospital for a week or two; you needed IV antibiotics and respiratory therapy in addition to wound care.

You’d requested a private room as close to the ICU as possible, passing a piece of aurelac to the Intake Administrator. He’d accepted with wide eyes, and you’d gotten your room.

The doctor was solemn as she looked over the rims of her glasses at you.

“Your partner has diffuse opacities in the lower lobes of his lungs. The left is partially collapsed. We’ve intubated him, as you know, to allow his lungs time to rest and strengthen. He is septic, and he’s being treated with an experimental cocktail of three different antibiotics, dexamethasone for inflammation, and vasopressors to maintain his blood pressure.

“Fortunately, his body is strong and his kidney function is improving. He has remained without a fever for the past eight hours, so that is reassuring. If he continues to show improvement I am fairly confident that we can begin planning for extubation within the next two to three days. If he can tolerate extubation and begin breathing on his own, we can start weaning his oxygen and begin to wake him up.”

Though you knew what you were walking into, you steeled yourself.

You entered his room and stood a moment to process the sheer enormity of the amount

of medical equipment keeping Ezra alive. You took in the tubes and wires, the bags of

fluid infusing through catheters, the softly beeping sensors. When you were not in your

room or engaged in your own treatments, you were here. You pulled up the chair that

Mollen had placed especially for you, and you began your silent vigil once again.

Ezra looked so small in that bed, so fragile. He was dwarfed by the machinations

surrounding him. He was pale, wan. As you always did, you grasped his hand and

squeezed, ran your thumb over his knuckles the way he’d once done with you.

you talked to him softly, describing the room, going over what had happened since you

had escaped the Green. You talked about your own treatments and progress. You

described Central, how busy and bustling everything was, how many people flooded the

streets each day. Theatres you’d seen across from your window, coffee shops and

bars you wanted to explore with him. Your favorite activity was reading to him. You had

spent a great deal discussing all manner of art, and Ezra loved to talk about books both

well-loved and those he longed to read but had been unable to find. As you found

yourself in the incomprehensible position of having more credits than you could ever

imagine possessing, you had books delivered to your room.

Ezra was extubated the day you received your last dose of antibiotics. You were due to

be discharged in three days. His organ function had improved at a rate that had exceeded

the expectations of his medical team. His encyclopedic list of medications had shortened reassuringly. He was strong enough to tolerate the extubation and was transitioned to a nasal cannula. You rejoiced in this, though your anxiety spiked as the physicians began the arduous task of bringing him out of sedation. It did not happen all at once as many thought, but gradually and in increments. It happened in sighs and twitches, thrashes and groans. You wondered if he dreamed. You hoped that he could hear you repeat your devotions.

You had secured a lease downtown, finding a loft a block from the hospital. It was spacious, covered in windows that stretched, floor to ceiling, and opened onto a balcony that afforded you a breathless view of Central. You had never had something so nice in your life.

You had been discharged for two days, you had started to plan how to turn your new space into a safe space for both you and Ezra, when you were alerted by the hospital that Ezra had awakened. He was asking for you.

You doubt if your feet touched the ground as you rushed to the hospital, stopping only to catch your breath.

You entered his room panting, vibrating.

Ezra was sitting upright, the first time you’d seen him not supine in weeks. He was pale, he sported dark and sunken circles under his eyes. His hair was wildly curling, his blond streak sticking straight out. He was sipping gingerly on a cup of water with a shaking hand.

Your Ezra. Beautiful Ezra.

“.....Ez?”

He looked upon you as if you were an apparition. He went to move shakily to his feet, and you were there before he could stand. Enveloping him in your arms, kissing his face, feeling him and inhaling whatever you could of him, of his vibrant life.

Alive.

You realized you were both weeping, you chuckled as you took turns wiping the wetness from one another’s face. When he spoke, his voice was rough, you knew it would take time for Ezra to regain his mellifluous cadence.

“Beautiful star, our souls cannot escape one another, universe try as it might to tear us asunder.”

“I missed you, Ezra. Sweet love, I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again. Ever.”

“I wish you luck trying to part from me at this point, Dove.”

You knew you’d done something right, standing against him.

You knew you were home.

#chews-erotically writes #ezra prospect #ezra x reader #ezra #ezra fics

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