#when it most certainly the fuck is not

[yourheartinyourmouth]

SERIOUSLY

WHO IS THIS SHIT SUPPOSED TO BE FOR

[foreverppl]

Orla’s liberation comes at the price of the merc’s. The further they entrench themself into being used as an implement for her to use to her ends, the more divorced they become to themself (though, even that’s a bit complicated. Who is the merc without Orla? Her guiding hand. Her crook shepherding. Her word governing.) She’s building her empire; the merc’s shoveling their grave. But at the same time, her empire doesn’t necessarily guarantee her own (true) freedom and is, in fact, a kind of gilded cage in its own right. You painstakingly build yourself a palace behind enemy lines, with all the luxuries you can scrounge together. Give yourself every comfort, loud music to drown out whatever ghosts you’re still trying to outrun, good sex, good food, people who will jump to murder for you without blinking an eye… yet it’s difficult to truly allow yourself to relish in any of it for more than a couple fleeting moments when you know there are serpents slithering just right outside the gates. Doesn’t matter how much you fortify your house of cards, it can still all come crumbling down with a gust of wind. And what then? One king (queen) deposes another, Vapolis continues on. No one will mourn. Orla knows this. Orla is terrified by this.

Anyway.. @vapolis sending you my therapy bill as I type this.

[july-19th-club]

i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake

[sjweminem]

talk of my now Officially Approaching death under the cut purely as just an FYI bc i'd prefer it not to feel like a tragic, unexpected Thing on my blog. like i'm good honestly you don't gotta feel bad

i'm actually the happiest i've been in maybe 8 years and like..honestly....the way that unexpectedly learning last year from my neurologist and long-time immunologist that i've reached a final terminal stage in my more acute and degenerative conditions (ones i never really discussed here bc i don't like upsetting anyone/also assumed it wouldn't be believed off the bat in a place like this/am straight up not interested in doing anything but post clown shit)?? has brought me the peace that i've been clawing for via every antipsychotic and antidepressant and benzo and anti-epileptic over the course of 21 years, the ROUGHHHH IV ketamine infusions which have still yet to offer any potential end in sight, 89 (as opposed to the 6-12 ur supposed to get) rounds of electroconvulsive therapy, and of course the self-inflicted starvation down to 98lbs and sleeves of 3rd degree burns and years of drug abuse, is probably THEE most Denniscore development yet like. i kind of can't see that as anything but kind of extremely funny 😭

btw i don't have much in the way of proof to assuage any skepticism (which i fully understand), although i can again bring up the beginnings of my (formerly) undiagnosable autoimmune disease that initially plagued me (progressing from skin, to joints, to entire bones) from ages 17-19, a LONGG time ago which naturally led us to believe i just kinda got. cured? but here's those wack photos if you want lol i've posted them plenty of times before just cuz i think they're interesting (the face one was actually an EXTREMELY mild flare, usually i could not eat, speak, or see):

[selfmenticide]

oh the sick and twisted desire to write the wilford and actor from my dark's canon divergent backstory...

[biblically-inaccurate-pervert]

i’m going through the most painful breakup of my entire life and my ex who previously held the award for the most painful breakup of my life just reached out to me yesterday at 1am with a playlist and a movie recommendation and nothing else. this seems to be a playlist about how she doesn’t regret loving me and still loves me and is sorry for how things panned out.

she broke up with me suddenly and lied about why, then ghosted me and had all our mutual friends ghost me too. she and all of them totally casted me out like i was an abuser when we hadn’t ever had even a single argument or disagreement or even a tense discussion. i was so heart broken and confused. and i’m even more heart broken and confused with this other break up.

and i just don’t know what to feel about this person reaching out to me after almost two years. i’m so fucking beyond overwhelmed with shit right now i seriously cannot process this.

i’m trying so hard not to think anything magical or jump to any conclusions but it’s really fucking hard not to and i’m just so. i can’t do this i really can’t it’s too fucking much holy shit

[andi-o-geyser]

actually i’ve come to the conclusion after finishing andor and sitting in it for around a week that the sequels were actually fucked from the start. like yeah, no shit from a development and story perspective they were a mess because there was no plan but on a BASIC LEVEL they were fucked because there is a fundamental lack of creativity. yes there is always a push and pull between fascism and democracy, yes it makes sense that people seek power and after swinging far left you then often swing back far right. but none of that should have been the first order. it’s just at a basic level a very uninteresting enemy to examine. we already did that song and dance, and the complete lack of any explication (completely ignoring the whole later palpatine angle because we all agree the writers should be shot and quartered for that) for how another galaxy spanning empire rose not even 20 years after the end of the previous one which lasted almost the exact same amount of time is bonkers. i actually really enjoy the force awakens, i think it’s a fun movie, but it is to its own detriment that it is a legacy sequel with nothing new to say because that means there IS NO STORY. like i honest to god at this point find that for me, the story ends after return of the jedi. that’s it. because it is such lazy damn writing to have actually nothing to say and no creativity to make a new threat. we all think the aesthetic of the empire is cool, we get it. there is no world in which it should pull main focus. and i’m not saying i have a better idea, but all i know is they should have been starting from square one and not relied on the originals at all. the vibe of the prequels is so distinct from the original trilogy for a reason, and that’s because there was an actually separate (not completely, but you get what i mean) story to tell. the basic failure of the sequels was that there was never anything there. we did this song and dance already. we already liked it. this detracts from everything before and devalues and idea that there can ever be change or completion, because what’s the damn point if the same empire won’t stop coming back? there have been thousands of years with different power structures and orders ruling the galaxy or fighting for control, and to think that the fucking empire/first order and any carbon cutout following them is the only option is lazy. i just. it’s fucking lazy it’s uninteresting and lazy and there’s nothing to be saved because it decided it NEEDS to work off of the status quo of the heroes being the underdog. i promise, i PROMISE you there is so much more to explore. also jj abrams meet me on a cliff at dawn i just wanna talk

[cookinguptales]

just watched the dirty laundry ep where one of them talks about how he wrote a short story that worried his teacher and like

ohhh I had one of those when I was a kid. my parents still talk about it to this day.

when I was about 8yo, my teacher put a poster up on the blackboard and said, "I want you all to write me a story inspired by this scene." the scene was of a lush jungle that had animals hidden throughout.

"oh, okay," I said to myself. "I can do this."

see, what my teacher (and parents) didn't know was that my grandmother, knowing vaguely that I liked to read but knowing pretty much nothing else about children, had given me a stack of books that she got at a yard sale. these books were very nice quality and I was happy to get them. too bad that they were all alfred hitchcock presents!

for the uninitiated, AHP was a tv series and book series that collected short, scary stories. stories about murder, stories about ghosts, stories about monsters of all kind. you get stories like du maurier's the birds and blackwood's the wendigo and that fucked-up short story that roald dahl wrote about that guy who collected fingers or whatever.

all that is to say that I had been consuming wildly age-inappropriate atmospheric horror for months at this point and I was like, "yes, I know just what to write!"

I ended up turning in this story about an explorer who was lost in the jungle and he starts hearing this faraway howling sound, which he realizes is a howler monkey. and he keeps getting more and more lost and the howling keeps getting closer and closer and finally, as he is about ready to collapse with exhaustion, he hears the sound of howls all around him and the story ends with the implication that he got mauled to death by howler monkeys.

(I also, coincidentally enough, really enjoyed zoo books!)

lmao ~guess whose parents got a phone call~?

but it kind of backfired on my teacher, because my parents were fully delighted. they were like "WE DIDN'T KNOW SHE COULD WRITE LIKE THIS" and I did not get punished at all.

anyway, my parents still talk about "the howler" to this day when they want to embarrass me at dinner parties. :')

[minettas-ploy]

[vaguely-concerned]

there are two wolves inside me. one wolf doesn't want to make dorian pavus archon because that's just a lot. of lotness for him to deal with and I love him and would like to spare him that at least, and also even posthumously it means sort of giving halward pavus a win. which galls, naturally. the other wolf thinks it would be very very funny for iron bull to have to deal with being married in all but law to the archon of tevinter.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

My hot take is that marcanne has as much potential for toxic yuri as any other calamity trio ship and it's not nearly as soft and fluffy as one may think

[loderlied]

honestly maybe considering making oleander ven and niles just original fiction characters? or finding a mind closet to shove them into while i find different settings for them…

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I think ought to be more readily-available and encouraged is simply... taking parental classes. I wish it were more common for people to realize just how hard - and important - parenting is, and indeed, that we all could use help with taking care of young folk. It's really alarming that popular opinion is still that parental classes are only for the "fuck-up" parents, or the parents who utterly failed. It should be seen as a good thing to take parental classes - especially on your own volition. It should be seen as imperative for one to take them, it should be a free, accurate, and scheduled occurrence so that people of any background are able to attend.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[cobra-creampuff]

so anyway. headcanon that richie doesn't believe he deserves to be happy, but he makes a concerted effort to live a happy and fulfilling life post derry 2.0 anyway because the kid he used to be still deserves it, and also because all the kids and adults who don't know if it's possible for them or if they deserve it either need to see they can still have it too.

[lockedtowers]

stop a/starion has a BRAND NEW SIM AVAILABLE ON MODTHESIMS FOR THE SI/MS 2