#when i was younger. my mom always bought clothes that were a size too small

[transgender-catboy]

Ah. Oh. Right. When people look at me, they see my weight.

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Chapter 22 -- Perfect Harmony | Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Emily Fox is a talented 17-year-old with a passion for all things music. Her dream is to become a successful singer-songwriter one day. But to achieve that dream, she needs to get into one of the most prestigious music schools in her district – it’s all been part of her plan since she was six. Sadly enough, those schools cost a ton of money that her parents don’t want to invest. They don’t even want her to pursue her dream. So, now Emily’s hustling, working at the music store to save up to get into college. That’s until she meets Charlie, an annoying seventeen-year-old boy with the same dream as her. The only difference is, he’s just doing it. He doesn’t need a fancy college to pursue his dream to become famous with his band. He just writes his songs and books small gigs here, there and everywhere. Will meeting Charlie defer her from her dream college, or will he actually help her achieve the dream?

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x OC (Emily Fox)

Warnings: mentions of death, sexual assault

Important note: the characters of Charlie, Owen, Jeremy and Madison are based on the characters they play on the show and i do not own their names, only OC are mine. The songs aren’t mine either, they’re all from the show except for one.

~|Emily Fox|~

I think I might have hit rock bottom again. It’s been a year since I’ve found myself falling and falling deeper down this dark and empty hole of sadness and remorse. It’s been a pity party of one up in this house since Saturday and it’s now Thursday. Madison came around almost every day. She brought lasagna on Saturday, spent the night and then watched movies with Mitch and me on Sunday. On Monday, she came back after school to give me my homework, but knowing I probably wouldn’t do it, and the same happened on Tuesday and Wednesday. Today, the bell rings at 9 am while I’m still in bed, wrapped up in a blanket burrito. I can hear Madi’s voice, however, and all it does is make me wonder why she’s not in school. “I’m just worried about her, you know?” I hear Madi’s voice as her and Mitch make their way upstairs. “I don’t want her to fall further down to rock bottom the same way she was last year.” My uncle simply hums. “Yeah, I think it’s time for an intervention,” he says seconds before he knocks on my door and enters without my response. “Morning, Muffin.” I glare at him for his chirpiness. “It’s time, honey,” Madison tells me, her nose in my wardrobe. “Time for what? To cry? I think I’m behind schedule today,” I mean it as a joke, but neither of them takes it as one. “I don’t feel like doing anything, guys.” “You��ll feel so much better after a shower and putting on pretty clothes,” Madi replies, throwing me a couple of clothes. “Now, chop, chop! Into the shower!” I stay put, glaring at my best friend. Even though I know she’s trying to help me, it’s not really working. Getting up and being productive isn’t going to get me my audition back. “Come on, Muffin! We’re going to the mall for like an hour. Please, can you do that for me? Just an hour?” Mitch’s begging somehow makes me rise up from my bed and head into the shower. The hot water doesn’t help with the empty space in my heart, but it does help with the stank of four days lying in bed. With still wet hair, I get into the outfit Madison has given me and walk back out into my bedroom. Mitch and Madi both smile at me proudly like I’m a child walking for the first time. “I don’t feel like doing my hair or makeup,” I tell them, putting on some shoes. “You want us to do it for you?” Mitch asks carefully, but I shake my head. “It’s fine. I’ll probably cry and ruin it anyway.” Both of them pout before grabbing my hand and leading me downstairs and into the car. Uncle Mitch drives us to the nearest mall where we get to shopping straight away. Nothing seems to please me though. No item of clothing or accessory brings me any joy. My bank account is happy. At least that’s one of us. “What do you think of this?” Madi asks, showing off some really rad trousers. Black cargo trousers with white blocks running through it. “Those look cool. You should get them!” I encourage her, managing a tiny smile. “They’re for you,” she tells me, but I shake my head, looking through the rail of clothing. “I’m going to buy them for you anyway. I’m sure you’ll thank me later,” she says and walks off towards the register to pay for them. I watch Madi and Mitch interact for a moment. Their voices are hushed, and they’re too far away to eavesdrop. But the wide eyes and open mouths don’t predict anything good. “Everything okay?” I ask them once Madi has paid for the trousers and joined me again. Both of them push me out of the shop and into the next one, pulling and pushing me all around the place. “We’re fine!” Mitch replies, but I can tell he’s lying. “Just really excited to look here!” “Oh, look, Ems! These look cool! You always wanted those!” She pushes a jumpsuit into my hands and pushes me towards the changing rooms. Careful as she is, she pushes me into one and yanks the red curtain shut. What the hell is going on? “Madi, I really don’t feel like trying things on,” I say, reopening the curtains. “Just do it, babes,” she says, forcing me back inside. “Mads, this is a small. I can’t get my fat ass in there!” I tell her and shove the curtain open again. Madison looks behind her swiftly before exhaling and taking the jumpsuit away from me. “What’s going on, Mads?” “Nothing, babe! Just really excited about shopping!” I raise an eyebrow at her. I’m certain she’s lying to me, but I don’t know about what. Suddenly, Uncle Mitch joins us again. I hadn’t even noticed him gone. “Right, Mitch? Aren’t you excited about shopping?” “Yes! Very!” He claps his hands. “I hear there’s a sale in that shoe shop you love so much, Muffin. You want to go?” At least Uncle Mitch somewhat acts normal. Besides the vanishing. The two lead me to the shoe shop at the other side of the mall, which is busier than the side we were on previously. Must be the crazy sales.

Though every now and again, Madi and Mitch push me into dressing rooms quickly or change directions suddenly, the day actually feels decent. For the first time since Saturday, I actually feel as though my life has gone back to normal. Until I start thinking about my life and then it’s all over. I even started crying in the middle of a Claire’s, which wasn’t the prettiest sight. Madi and Mitch do spring into action immediately and bring me towards the ice cream parlor where we have several scoops of ice cream. “Thanks, guys,” I sniffle, “I know I haven’t been the easiest, but thank you for not giving up on me.” They both offer me a proud smile, and Madi even grabs my hand in hers. “We’re just glad you’re out of the house, Emsie,” she says. “Yeah, and we’re really proud of what you’ve accomplished today!” Mitch chimes in. “Aren’t you really happy with your new shoes?” I nod my head at Madi’s question. My new sneakers really are the coolest and most rad shoes I ever did see. “They’ll look great on your new pants!” Her smile widens when my lips curl up slightly. “I really like those new earrings you bought, Muffin! They’re very chic!” Mitch chimes in. “You know I’m all about the butterflies lately,” I tell him, already thinking about the cool outfit I’ll be able to put together with the shoes, the pants and the earrings. “Don’t forget that cool new jacket you found in that thrift store!” “I really wish they made those things in my size,” Mitch pouts, causing Madi and me to laugh. “There she is again!” She says excitedly. Her wide smile suddenly falters as she looks somewhere behind me. Before I can turn around to see what she’s seen, she grabs me by the hand and pulls me up. “I think we’ve done enough shopping for the day,” Mitch says, and grabs all of our bags before the three of us leave the mall. Once at home, Madi and Mitch seem to get back to their usual self; calmer and less anxious. “Show me your new outfit!” Madi shouts excitedly as we go upstairs to try everything we bought on again for a little fashion show. When we were younger, we always used to put up fashion shows with her or my mom’s heels. It was the funniest thing. “That looks so bomb!” She claps her hands excitedly, scanning up and down my body. I turn to look into the full-length mirror, and suddenly I’m taken back to our fashion shows back in the day. “Thanks for today, Mads,” I say instead of getting nostalgic about our past. “Anything for you, Emily.”

Taglist: 

@parkeret​​ @lukeys-giggle​ @gingerxarmy​ @lovesanimals​ @hannahhistorian92​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @thequirkybookaholic​ @ashleyleblancx​ @calamitykaty​ @lolychu​ @bookdealer5​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @hemmingsness​ @siennanoelle01​ @iainttakingshitfromnobody​ @ifilwtmfc​ @luckylouiebug​ @kiss-themoongoodbye​ @camiladelrio98​ @myfriendscallmebeans​

Lemme know if you wanna be on my taglist! :)

[petersasteria]

Don’t Rain On My Parade - Holland!Reader

This is the prequel for Younger (I) 2.3k words

Holland!Reader Masterlist || TH Masterlist || HH Masterlist

Rich kid AU

* * * *

Money makes the world go round. Being born into a family with all the money in the world, it was hard to say that money isn’t everything because growing up, Y/N and her siblings were taught that money mattered a lot. So for the early years of their lives, that was all they’ve ever known. 

Y/N was the only daughter of Nikki and Dom Holland and they all treasured her. Everything she wanted was easily handed to her and she was close with her brother Sam and Harry. They’re triplets, after all. Tom, the eldest, treasured her most. However, there are relationships that crash and burn. Y/N and Tom’s relationship is one of those relationships that perished.

As the Holland children grew, their views on money changed too. Y/N’s view on money changed drastically and it often made her the butt of her brothers’ insults. She didn’t care, though. While her brothers were parading their chosen gold diggers around at parties, she was busy donating to charities and helping the less fortunate.

There was one party that she didn’t attend because she held a party of her own at a charity that supported the arts. Y/N loved the arts. It made her forget her problems and she loved to see other people express what they’re feeling. 

There, she met the man she grew to fall in love with. His name is Timothée Chalamet and he’s a painter. It was love at first sight. He was funny and he was passionate about his art. The only thing running through her mind was introducing him to her family. She knew that they’d criticize him, but she didn’t care. He was the only one that mattered.

We can’t always get what we want and Y/N learned that when Tom told her that she was arranged to marry his best friend, Harrison Osterfield. Tom told her one night at a party. She didn’t have any schedule at a charity event that night and she figured she should go to at least one party.

“You want me to marry your best friend?” She asked Tom as she watched him take a sip of the expensive champagne. Tom smiled and nodded, “It’s for the partnership and we’ll be richer than ever if you marry him! That’s our goal, Y/N.”

“We already have enormous wealth. I’m pretty sure we have enough to last our family a lifetime; enough for the next generations! There are other people who need it more than we do. I feel like we’re robbing them of their opportunity to have money. Think about it: if we keep getting rich and if we keep getting money, there won’t be enough money left for the less fortunate.” Y/N explained thoroughly.

“Who cares?” Tom snorted. “That’s their problem, not ours. Money is everything, love. It’s a reminder of our success.”

Y/N didn’t comment on it anymore. She just excused herself and went outside for fresh air. She took out her phone and called Timothée or Timmy for short. Timmy picked up on the first ring and she smiled when she heard his voice.

She told him all about her conversation with Tom and Timmy laughed, “Wanna get out of there? I’ll pick you up. I was meaning to go out, anyway.”

“That’ll be nice, actually. I’ll just tell them that-”

“Break the rules a bit. Loosen up, Y/N. Trust me, they won’t even notice that you’re gone. I bet there’s hundreds of people at the party.” Timmy said.

“Fine, I won’t tell them where I’ll go. But you have to pick me up now. I’m bored.” She giggled and told him the address and soon, Timmy pulled up in front of the venue. His old car stood out like a sore thumb and he felt kind of insecure, but he shrugged it off when Y/N got in his car. He really liked her and it breaks his heart knowing that he couldn’t give her everything in the world.

Timmy didn’t have the same lifestyle as her. He’s a broke artist with dreams of going to Paris. He knew Y/N could go to Paris in an instant and he envied that because he’s been saving up for Paris for a long time and now it still wasn’t enough.

“So, where are we going?” Y/N asked as she put on her seatbelt. Timmy drove away from the venue and shrugged, “Where do you want to go?”

“I’m kind of hungry.” She said.

“I can’t take you to anywhere fancy because I haven’t been anywhere fancy. But if you want to try cheap food that tastes delicious, I have a few in mind.” Timmy said, his eyes not leaving the road.

“Let’s do it.” Y/N said, making Timmy glance at her in shock. “I haven’t tried cheap food before and this’ll be a first.”

“Wow! The rich kid wants to experience a poor life for a while. I’m speechless.” Timmy said, amused. Y/N shrugged, “There’s no harm in trying new things.”

“That’s true.” Timmy nodded and quickly drove to his favorite cheap food place. Y/N nearly bought everything from the menu and she suggested that they should eat it at Timmy’s apartment.

Y/N and Timmy arrived at his apartment with multiple paper bags of food in their hands. They entered the apartment and Timmy sighed in content, “Welcome to my humble abode! I know it’s probably the size of your storage room or whatever, but it’s home.”

Timmy kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable on the couch. He motioned for her to join him. Y/N kicked off her heels and joined him on the couch. They began to eat and talk about nonsense when Timmy noticed her being uncomfortable.

“Do you want to change your clothes?” Timmy asked nicely before taking a bite of his burger. “I could get you one.” He added while he talked with food in his mouth.

“Um, if that’s alright with you. This dress is super uncomfortable and I could use some really comfy clothing.” She said shyly. Timmy nodded and wiped the grease off of his hands on the tissue before getting up from the couch to walk to his drawer to grab a shirt for her and some sweatpants. After getting the clothes, he handed it to Y/N and pointed where the bathroom was.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a question.” Timmy nervously said.

“What is it?” Y/N smiled.

“I know I have absolutely nothing to offer you, but I like you so much and I’ll regret it if I don’t at least try to ask… will you go on a date with me?” Timmy asked. It was obvious that he feared rejection and Timmy’s palms were sweaty too. Y/N smiled and just nodded her head. After a bunch of dates, Timmy and Y/N were now officially dating.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here?” Timmy asked quietly as he and Y/N stood outside of the mansion. To say that Timmy was nervous is an understatement. Timmy was terrified. He was so terrified that he forgot to eat breakfast and he nearly left his apartment with no shoes on. And when he did wear his shoes, he forgot to put on socks. It was a mess, but he had Y/N to calm him down.

“Of course! I told them all about you and they’re excited to meet the artist who caught my eye.” Y/N winked. The door opened and the two of them entered the mansion. Everybody was at the outdoor dining area waiting for them. Y/N led the way and when they arrived, she greeted her family as Timmy stood there and awkwardly waved at everyone.

They all sat down and started eating. The conversation was light for a while and then Tom decided to open his mouth to talk to Timmy.

“Chalamet, is it?” Tom asked. Timmy could only nod. “What exactly do you do?”

“I, um, I paint.” Timmy answered nervously. Y/N’s brothers snickered upon hearing and Tom had to hide his smile before asking, “Well, what exactly do you paint? Houses? Rooms?”

“Portraits of people, landscapes, flowers, or just the people at the park. It depends on the inspiration, I guess.” Timmy answered truthfully which made Y/N smile.

“And what do you do for a living?” Sam asked.

“Paint. I sell my paintings. Sometimes, someone commissions me.” Timmy said and Sam nodded, satisfied with his answer.

“Where’s your family from?” Tom asked.

“I was born here, but my mom is American.”

“And where’s your dad?”

“Never met him.” Timmy answered and gave a tight-lipped smile. He never liked talking about his family.

“What are your goals, then?” Harry asked. “I mean, no offense, but you look really poor and surely you’re thinking of some way to get out of poverty or something.”

Y/N glared at Harry and Timmy answered, “I want to become an artist in Paris. I’ve been saving up for it since I was a kid.”

“And how much have you saved already, sweetheart?” Nikki asked nicely with a soft smile on her face.

“A lot. It’s enough to rent a small apartment and stuff like that.” Timmy said.

“That’s wonderful.” Nikki grinned.

“Thank you, Mrs. Holland.” Timmy smiled.

After eating, the limousine brought Timmy back to his apartment while Y/N stayed home to talk to her family. 

“So, what do you think of him?” She asked. “Isn’t he great? He’s so independent and-”

“You’re still marrying Haz, Y/N.” Tom said sternly. “Leave him. He’s not worth it.”

“I don’t want to be with Harrison. I want to be with Timmy.” Y/N said.

“Tough luck because you’ll do as I say. I’m the eldest and I know what’s good for our business. Now, break up with him before I do it for you. I’ll give you three days to think about it.” Tom said before storming out.

A lot can happen in three days. Timmy told Y/N that he was finally moving to Paris to start new as an artist and Y/N told him about what Tom said. Timmy smiled sadly at her and said, “Then maybe this is a sign. Maybe we’re not actually meant to be.”

“Timmy, you don’t mean that.” Y/N shook her head.

Timmy didn’t answer. Instead, he told her that he’d be leaving soon and that he doesn’t expect her to be there. He never spoke to Y/N after that and Y/N was lost. She didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, Barbra Streisand helped her think.

On the day of Timmy’s flight, she hurriedly packed a few things and when Paddy walked in her room, he was surprised to see her packing.

“Where are you going?” Paddy asked curiously.

“I’m going after Timmy and nothing will stop me.” She said and closed her bag. Y/N left her room and Paddy went after her. Seeing the scene unfold, Harry and Sam followed suit and asked Paddy what was happening.

“She’s going after Timmy.” Paddy said.

Tom heard this and quickly walked over to his siblings and said, “You’re going after him?! Are you insane?! I told you that you’re getting married to Haz whether you like it or not!”

“Timmy has nothing to offer you!” Harry shrieked as he watched Y/N tell the butler to get one of the drivers to drive her to the airport.

“Yeah, but I love him and he loves me and I want to be with him, it’s that simple.” She shrugged and waited for a driver.

“You’re making a fool of yourself, Y/N.” Sam shook his head.

“What’s the matter with you?! Don’t you have any pride left?” Tom questioned.

“Tom, when something’s right for me, I do it and this is right for me.” She argued.

“Have you asked yourself if it’s right for Timmy? I feel like he’d be guilty.” Paddy piped up.

“Then, I’ll make it right for him!” Y/N said as she saw the car coming towards her. Her brothers proceeded to tell her that it was a bad idea. When the car stopped in front of her, she opened the door, turned her brothers and said, “I’ve made my decision, okay?! I’m going to Paris with him whether you like it or not. He and I are meant to be and nothing you say or do will stop me.”

With that, she got in the car and told the driver to quickly go to the airport. The Holland brothers watched as the car drove away and Tom shook his head in disappointment.

The ride to the airport was quick and when she got there, Timmy’s plane was already boarding. She quickly went inside and went through the necessary procedures before running to the gate. She saw Timmy and she immediately ran to him.

“Timmy, I’m here!” She sighed happily. He looked at her in shock.

“What’re you doing here?” Timmy asked, hiding his smile.

“I’m coming with you. We can start new together.” Y/N smiled sweetly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Timmy smiled and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “I promise you that we’ll be doing fine in Paris, okay?”

“I trust you.” Y/N smiled and pulled him in for a hug.

Y/N has been staying with Timmy in Paris for four years and she never went back home. Until one day when Nikki called her about someone passing away.

Grief does a lot of things to a person. It also hits differently for everyone depending on who died and depending on how close these people were to the one who met their untimely demise.

* * * *

𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland @poguesholland @superheroesaremytea  @marshxx @ella-whyte​ @buckys-little-hoe @harryismysunflower @hollandsrecs​​ @slytherin-chaser​ @quaksonhehe​ @lil-mellow-bunbun​ @turtoix​ @badreputationlove​ @swiftmind​ @sovereignparker​ @nerdyandproudofitsstuff​ @pearce14​ @theonly1outof-a-billion​ @cherthegoddess​ @justanamesstuff​ @chewymoustachio​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​ @peterspidey @givebuckyhisplumsnow

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @sufwubi @abrielleholland @osterfieldnholland @purplepizza-summerrain @euphorichxlland @marshxx @lizzyosterfield @justanamesstuff​ @croissantwriting​ @blueleatherbag​ @givebuckyhisplumsnow

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @allyz @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @drie-the-derp @hollands-weasley @itstaskeen @call-me-baby-gir1 @the-panwitch @iamaunicorn4704 @geminiparkers @holland-styles​ @calltothewild @fancyxparker @herbatkazmiloscia @whatthefuckimbisexual​ @justanothermarvelmaniac​ @unsaidholland​ @musicalkeys​ @lost-in-the-stars03​ @hufflepuffprincess24​ @hollanddolanfangirl​ @parkerpeter24​ @bellelittleoff​ @agentnataliahofferson​ @aqiise @lexirv @blairscott @pearly-pisces @theonly1outof-a-billion @u-rrose @speedymaximoff @theliterarymess

[richincolor]

Group Discussion: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

*As is usual with our discussions, there may be a few spoilers ahead so beware.*

We were all eager to read something fun as we were getting to the one year mark in this very challenging time. Fat Chance, Charlie Vega seemed like a promising pick - and it proved to be exactly what we were seeking. I'm thankful that author Crystal Maldonado shared Charlie with the world. To find out more about Crystal, hop over to the interview here. It was great to hear directly from her about her writing.

Publisher summary: Coming of age as a Fat brown girl in a white Connecticut suburb is hard. Harder when your whole life is on fire, though.

Charlie Vega is a lot of things. Smart. Funny. Artistic. Ambitious. Fat.

People sometimes have a problem with that last one. Especially her mom. Charlie wants a good relationship with her body, but it's hard, and her mom leaving a billion weight loss shakes on her dresser doesn't help. The world and everyone in it have ideas about what she should look like: thinner, lighter, slimmer-faced, straighter-haired. Be smaller. Be whiter. Be quieter.

But there's one person who's always in Charlie's corner: her best friend Amelia. Slim. Popular. Athletic. Totally dope. So when Charlie starts a tentative relationship with cute classmate Brian, the first worthwhile guy to notice her, everything is perfect until she learns one thing—he asked Amelia out first. So is she his second choice or what? Does he even really see her?

Because it's time people did.

A sensitive, funny, and painful coming-of-age story with a wry voice and tons of chisme, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega tackles our relationships to our parents, our bodies, our cultures, and ourselves.

Let the discussion begin...

Crystal: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega made me smile just when I needed plenty of smiles. Over the past twelve months, I’ve found myself picking up many more rom-coms than usual. Even with the difficulties that the main character might face, readers still get to hope for at least a partially happy or hopeful ending and that is what I’ve been craving. Stories that deliver some joy can sure make a day brighter and Charlie’s story, totally did that for me.

K. Imani: I so agree. I’ve been doing the same over the past year and I really needed this sweet story. Like you Charlie’s story made me smile so many times. I loved how much she grew in this story and how she had such a loving heart.

Jessica: Ditto! There were so many times I looked up from reading and realized I was actually, physically smiling. I can’t get enough of YA romance right now.

Audrey: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega had some incredibly sweet and genuinely happy moments, and I was really glad we all agreed on this one for our first book discussion this year. That’s not to say there aren’t hard parts in this book--there are some that hit incredibly close to home--but it was so very nice to settle down with a book that had promised us an uplifting ending. I plowed through it in just two days and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Crystal: I found the cover to be simply lovely. Charlie is gorgeous and looks like she’s feeling beautiful in the midst of the flowers and warm colors. And she’s wearing glasses. I’ve worn glasses for most of my life, but when I was young, I thought nobody sophisticated or beautiful wore them if they could help it. Ruse by Cindy Pon, When Dimple Met Rishi (back of cover) and Slay by Brittney Morris are really the only other YA book covers I can think of that feature a main character with glasses. Mei in American Panda references her nearsightedness, but her mother says that “no woman is attractive in glasses” so Mei doesn’t wear them. Maybe there are other books, but there certainly aren’t many so it was fun to see Charlie rocking her glasses.

K. Imani: Fellow glasses wearer here too and I loved that the cover had Charlie wearing her glasses and that throughout the book she would fiddle with her glasses. It was such a small thing, but I loved how Maldonado wrote the little habits glass wearers do that are tied to how we’re feeling, use as a distraction, etc, that our glasses are really an extension of our being.

Jessica: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega definitely was one of my favorite YA covers to come out in recent years. The colors, the character, the font! Everything about the cover was just so gorgeous.

Audrey: I adore the cover. Not just because Charlie is a fat, glasses-wearing Latina like me but also because it reminded me a lot of Charlie’s references to the body positivity and fat fashion movements. The cover could be an Instagram post--Charlie front and center, looking right at the camera, all dressed up and with a gorgeous background behind her. Ericka Lugo, the Puerto Rican illustrator who designed the cover, did a phenomenal job.

Crystal: Charlie is delightful, but her relationships are seriously complicated. She has some work to do in her relationships with her mom, food, her best friend, her crushes, and most importantly with herself. This is the messiness that makes Charlie’s story feel real. The book did make me smile, but there are some struggles here too and I appreciated that Maldonado let us see Charlie do some hard work.

K. Imani: I feel like all the messiness from Charlie’s relationships is what really connected me to her. No one is perfect 100% of the time and sometimes we get into our own heads and can sabotage ourselves with our relationships. The thing with Charlie is that she learned from it, told people how she felt and made amends. Such great personal growth that is a tough journey to go on, but one we humans do on a constant basis.

Jessica: I loved that the book didn’t shy away from the messiness and complicated aspects of Charlie’s relationships, particularly with her best friend and her mother. I especially loved how Charlie’s relationships tangibly changed and grew as the book progressed -- she called out her mother on her mother’s toxic behavior, and got to a better place with Amelia. So many complex relationships were in play, and the nuance given to each relationship was really incredible.

Audrey: I think some of the most honest parts in this book were when Charlie knew--intellectually--that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being fat, that being fat doesn’t mean unhealthy or unloveable, but she was still affected by those messages and ideas. She still bought into some of them even while acknowledging they were wrong and unfair. It was rough to see her deal with those things and how they affected her own self-esteem and her relationships with others, but it was also incredibly genuine.

Crystal: Many of the issues with relationships are tangled up in how Charlie sees her body. She’s fat and is working hard to have a good and positive relationship with her body, but this is a journey that has ups and downs especially since it seems that some people aren’t willing to accept Charlie as she is. Her own mother seems to think Charlie’s body is not beautiful at the present size and thinks losing weight is essential for Charlie’s happiness. The U.S. culture strongly equates worth with our beauty standards and many of us don’t see how damaging this can be for ourselves and others. Readers can even see this in the relationship Charlie’s mother has with her own body.

K. Imani: Charlie’s relationship with her mother bothered me so much and showed how toxic our society is towards women’s bodies that her mother didn’t even realize she was hurting her child. I’m glad that Charlie sought out the body positive movement and referenced it a number of times throughout the book so folks could see how seeing yourself represented living a fully happy life, despite your size, is life affirming. It definitely was a nice juxtaposition to the messages she was receiving from her mother. On a side note, I really enjoyed how Charlie was a secret clothes hoarder and that she had a great sense of fashion.

Jessica: I sound like a broken record now, but I’m seriously in awe of how Charlie’s relationships -- particularly with her mother -- are portrayed. It’s messy, and tough, and I absolutely cheered when Charlie really told her mother how she felt. I also loved how the story depicted Charlie’s own not-so-linear journey when it came to her self-esteem, and the role that online communities played in that. Sometimes it’s easy to think of the internet as just a place of toxicity and trolls, but the truth is that there are so many wonderful communities online.

Audrey: Charlie’s relationship with her mom was so difficult and complicated, especially with her mother having put so much effort into losing weight and being able to keep it off. At one point Charlie acknowledges that her mom probably doesn’t even realize she’s being cruel. It was such a relief when Charlie was finally able to express her feelings about her mom’s behavior and comments. It didn’t magically make things better, but Charlie was able to say what she really thought and tell her mother that she was hurting her. There were a lot of painful conversations in this book, but in the end they helped Charlie sort out her important relationships and her feelings about herself.

Crystal: I agree with Brian and Charlie that Valentine’s Day isn't always great for everyone. The heart-meltingly sweet way that Brian dealt with that made me smile. To later find out that Crystal Maldonado experienced something very similar with her husband when they were younger made it even sweeter.

K. Imani: I loved what Brian did for Charlie, and their classmates, on Valentine’s day. It was so sweet and moving and definitely endeared me to his character.

Jessica: Regarding the valentines: Gasp. I did not know that! That’s so sweet. Wow.

Audrey: That’s so sweet! I really liked reading about Brian and Charlie’s relationship. The Valentine’s Day scene was incredibly endearing, and their bookstore date was also lovely. There were several great moments between them as their romance developed. I especially appreciated that Charlie--a fat character!--got to want and enjoy things like hand holding and kissing and being attracted to someone and feeling attractive. I loved all of that.

Crystal: I think we can all agree that reading this book was a delight. We recommend it especially if you’re looking for something to give you a little joy. If you’ve read it, please share your thoughts on the blogpost or on our Twitter account. We’d love to hear from you.

[hmsjiara]

‘cause you’re amazing (just the way you are) jj + kie

request by @love-life-always​: We never really hear anything about Kiara's kook year, so I was wondering if you could write a story where Kiara had an eating disorder during her kook year, while trying to fit in and stuff but she managed to recover when she became friends with the pogues again, but then for whatever reason it starts to affect her again and jj/the other pogues notice.

this turned into one big angsty mess real quick lol. but protective!jj is my kink, so... here you go lmao. thank you so much for the request, i hope you like it :)

read it here on ao3.

disclaimer: i understand that eating disorders are a serious/complex issue and am NOT trying to romanticize them in any way. and while i did some research before writing this, i am in no way an expert nor have i ever experienced something like this. so, if any part of this is inaccurate or ignorant i apologize. if this triggers you in anyway, please do what’s best for your mental/emotional health.

trigger warnings: eating disorders, panic attacks, brief mentions of abuse.

                                      •••

It was an unspoken rule among the Pogues that they didn’t talk about Kiara’s Kook Year.

It hadn’t always been that way. When Kiara had returned to the Chateau with a years worth of apologies and a case of Miller Lite, John B and Pope had forgiven her almost instantly, but not JJ. Weeks of veiled insults and sharp glares had followed, and despite John B and Pope’s efforts to sway him, JJ seemed determined to hate her forever.

But eventually, even he managed to forgive her for abandoning them. Kiara assumed that it was a combination of her constant presence, and the boobs and curves she’d developed during her Kook Year. She couldn’t really blame them for noticing, since they were horny teenage boys and she spent the majority of her time in a bikini.

So, things went back to normal, and the Pogues caught on to the fact that Kiara didn’t want to discuss her absence, or her exile from the Kook Academy. It was easier this way, she told herself. Talking about Sarah still hurt too much, and as for everything else... well, it wasn’t important.

So, she doesn’t talk about Sarah, about how they got drunk and watched movies and saved baby sea turtles together, how her heart aches when she thinks about her. She doesn’t talk about the girls at the Kook Academy who spread rumors behind her back, who shove her in the hallways and on one occasion dump a smoothie on her head in the cafeteria. She deletes the mean comments under her Instagram posts before the Pogues can see, because she doesn’t need them to defend her, and the last thing she wants is to explain why everyone hates her so much.

Because she just got her friends back, and Kiara isn’t going to burden them with her problems, not when they have it so much worse.

                                        •••

The words eating disorder cause a certain kind of alarm to go off in Kiara’s brain.

Because yes, there’d been those months at the Kook Academy where she’d gone from diet to diet, weighed herself after every meal, looked at the girls in her grade with their flat stomachs and thin, long legs and hated her curves and muscle-toned limbs. She’d followed all the trends— juice cleanses and swearing off anything over a hundred calories. She even stopped surfing, switched to running, wondering if it would make a difference.

Her mother’s comments hadn’t helped. Once Kiara was going to parties and sleepovers with Sarah, her mom started buying her clothes that were two sizes too small, handing her grapefruit halves in the morning when Kiara asked for eggs and bacon, shot pointed glares at the half-eaten box of cookies on her dresser.

So, she started just... not eating. It was almost too easy to do. All she had to do was say that she was running late for school and skipping breakfast, snack on celery sticks for lunch, tell her parents she had homework to avoid coming to dinner. And it had worked: she’d gotten thinner, and her mother smiled when she started wearing the clothes she’d bought her, so Kiara assumed it was fine.

It was a visit to her doctor that made Kiara realize that what she was doing to herself was wrong. There’d been no official diagnosis, just a few pointed questions about her daily food intake, a suggestion to incorporate more protein into her diet. But Kiara had read between the lines, and she’d gotten over it, moved on, recognized that what she was doing wasn’t how she wanted to live her life. And she hadn’t told anyone, especially not the Pogues, because it was her business and they didn’t need to know.

The problem is that sometimes Kiara forgets to catch herself.

Like when she spends a little too long looking at her stomach in the mirror, or when JJ offers her the rest of his fries at the Wreck and she wrinkles her nose and says too many carbs.

He frowns, presses a hand to her forehead, as if checking for a temperature. “Too many carbs? Who are you, and what have you done with Kiara Carrera?”

She laughs, shoves him away from her, goes to get another beer from the fridge, but JJ is still watching her when she gets back. “I didn’t know you cared about that sort of stuff.”

“What do you mean?” She asks, avoiding his gaze as she knocked John B’s feet off of the counter.

“Calories and shit,” he said with a shrug, and it was a perfectly reasonable remark, but Kiara didn’t like the direction their conversation was going in. “Is this something you picked up from the Kooks? You turning into one of those soccer moms who meal plan and don’t let her kids eat sugar?”

It hits a little too close to home, so Kiara snatches a fry from his basket and makes sure that he sees her eat it.

“There,” she said, chewing somewhat obnoxiously. “Happy now?”

JJ rolled his eyes, turned to listen to whatever Pope was saying about his internship, but Kiara couldn’t help but feel like she’d dodged a bullet.

JJ couldn’t find out. Not now, not ever.

                                       •••

Being forced to attend Midsummers is the last thing Kiara needs or wants, but her mother doesn’t care.

She thinks it’s how she copes. Kiara can hang with whoever she likes, as long as her mother can put her in a pretty dress and show her off to the Kooks.

The subtle, pointed comments start again.

Take it in a bit on the hem, Silvia. I’m not used to this, you know. I never had Kiara’s curves when I was younger.

I know that your friends don’t have to worry about this, Kiara, but you have a figure to maintain. Eating at the Wreck every night just isn’t going to fly.

Maybe a side salad instead, sweetheart. I’m paying the seamstress by the hour.

Kiara’s not proud of it, but she does go along with her mother, because she’s tired of fighting with her, and the idea of her daughter going to Midsummers with all the Sarah Cameron’s of the world has made her happier than Kiara has ever seen her.

She tells herself it’s only for a couple of weeks, that she can get through it, but it’s getting harder to ignore the comments, to resist the urge to weigh herself after a bag of popcorn or a sandwich from the Wreck.

Before, when she was friends with Sarah, it was easier to hide. Sarah didn’t really notice other people— it wasn’t her fault, just how she’d been raised.

The Pogues are different.

At first, they buy all the usual excuses. She’s not hungry, she already ate. But then John B asks her to split a burger with him at the Wreck, or Pope roasts her a s’more and she refuses, and they start to notice.

One time, Kiara buys a new kind of green tea ice cream from the grocery store, and she eats it all in one sitting, calories be damned.

JJ laughs, nudges John B. “Now that’s what I’m talking about. Damn, Kie.”

It’s a joke, a passing comment, but Kiara flinches, feels a sudden surge of regret. Shit. Her mother was going to kill her.

JJ sees it, because of course he does, and then his teasing grin disappears and he gives Pope and John B a knowing look.

Pope looks instantly uncomfortable as John B clears his throat, and Kiara doesn’t like it one bit. She feels cornered, suddenly on edge, as John B opens his mouth and says, “Kie, is everything okay? With you, I mean?”

“Of course,” she says, shrugging, the deflection easy. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, it’s just—“

“You’re not fucking eating.”

Kiara flinches for real this time at JJ’s harsh, blatant tone, her stomach hollowing out as John B hisses JJ’s name and says this isn’t what we talked about.

Oh, so they’re talking about her now. Wonderful.

“Fuck this,” she says, springing to her feet, the empty ice cream cartoon and metal spoon clattering to the floor. She feels sick just looking at it. “Y’all are— y’all are delusional, okay? I’m out.”

“Kie, it’s okay,” Pope says, his eyes on the floor. “Millions of people have, uh, stuff like this, you know, it’s not—“

“I do not have a eating disorder,” Kiara growls at him, ignoring Pope’s own flinch, how he curls in on himself at her words. “Your statistics don’t apply to me, okay, Pope? You have no idea what’s going on.”

“Kie, we’re just trying to help—“

“Fuck you, John B,” she says, turning to leave, not able to stand the pity on his face.

“No,” JJ snarls, rising from his chair, clutching the neck of his beer bottle so hard she thinks it might shatter. “I’ve had enough. Do you know that’s the most I’ve seen you eat in weeks? Something’s wrong, Kie, we’re not idiots, okay? So just tell us—“

“I don’t have to tell you shit, Maybank,” she snaps, the pit in her stomach filling itself with something cold and bitter. “This is my business, just like whatever the fuck is happening with your dad is yours. So leave me alone.”

She regrets the words as soon as she says them, but it’s too late, because JJ’s beer bottle shatters and John B yells as alcohol and shards of glass scatter across the floor, and Kiara is out the door before any of them can make her stay.

They’re just worried, she knows that, but it’s fine. She has it handled.

                                      •••

In reality, it’s the opposite of fine.

Kiara avoids the Pogues in the week leading up to Midsummers, ignores the texts they send her asking her to meet, actually hides when John B comes to find her at the Wreck.

She tells herself she just has to get through Midsummers, and then it’ll all work itself out.

The stress makes it worse, she thinks, and in between her anxiety over the Pogues and her mother’s pre-Midsummers prep, Kiara doesn’t realize that she can’t remember the last time she ate until she’s pulling up to the club with her parents.

It’s kind of like a wake up call, the shakiness in her limbs and the empty feeling in her stomach, and the next thing she knows, she’s hyperventilating over the sink in the girls bathroom.

It’s hard to breathe, and the heavily perfumed air definitely isn’t helping, and her mother is going to kill her, and Kiara doesn’t even know how it got this bad again. She doesn’t look too thin in the mirror, at least not to her, but what do other people see?

She’s not quite sure how, but she manages to find her phone in her clutch, to fumble through typing in her password and locating Pope’s contact.  

He answers on the first ring.

“Kie? Is everything okay? Where are you?”

He’s obviously concerned, and she feels like such an idiot, because she spent the past week pushing him and everyone else away when all they wanted to do was help her.

“Bathroom,” she manages to say, fighting to speak past the tightness in her throat. “In— Inside. Pope, I can’t breathe, I can’t—“

“Okay, Kie, it’s okay,” he murmured, sounding surprisingly calm. “Fuck, I’m working, I can’t leave. But I’m gonna help you, okay? Just breathe. Give me one second—”

The call ended, and Kiara tried not to panic anymore than she already was, but it was a relief when Pope’s name appeared on her phone screen again.

“Pope?” She asks, his name more of a sob than anything.

“Yeah, it’s me. Listen, Kie, you’re gonna be fine. You’re not hurt, right?”

She shakes her head, then remembers that he can’t see her, and confirms that she’s fine (physically, at least) through the phone. Pope keeps doing that, asking her questions in a low, level voice, until she hears a knock on the bathroom door.

“Pope, is that you at the door?” She asks, clutching her phone tighter in her hand, any sense of control she’d managed to regain vanishing.

“No, it’s—“

“Kie? Kie, are you in there?“

She doesn’t know why, but the sound of JJ’s voice makes her crumble. She can still hear Pope talking to her through the phone, hear JJ on the other side of the door, but it’s like it’s all coming from very far away. Her breathing picks up again, and she barely registers JJ’s fuck it, I’m coming in.

His knock on the stall door jerks her back into reality. “Kie? It’s JJ, can you open the door?”

With shaking hands, she grapples with the lock, automatically shrinking away when light floods the stall and she sees JJ staring down at her.

She must look like a mess— sitting on the floor of the bathroom in her dress, mascara running, like some girl who just got dumped by her boyfriend at a party. But she can’t really bring herself to care about that, because she still can’t seem to get enough air into her lungs.

“JJ,” she whimpers, because he’s just standing there like he doesn’t know what to do, some raw emotion in his eyes she can’t bring herself to decipher right now.

“Hey, hey it’s okay,” JJ says, snapping out of whatever trance he’d fallen into at the sight of her, his movements slow as he crouches down beside her, his hands raised in mock surrender. “Take it easy, okay, Kie? Just breathe.”

He takes the phone from her, has a brief conversation with Pope, then hangs up and pockets it. Kiara doesn’t object, staring at her hands and trying to stop herself from shaking.

“Can I?” JJ asks, and she realizes he’s asking to hold her hands.

She nods, and then his warm, calloused fingers are brushing against her skin as he rubs soothing circles into the back of her palms. Her heart rate isn’t slowing, though, her breaths coming quick and fast again, but then JJ’s arms are around her and he’s pulling her back against his chest and murmuring reassurances into the top of her head.  

He tells her to copy his breathing, and she does, focusing on the steady beat of his heart against her shoulder, the fact that his hands are still holding hers.

Eventually, her breathing returns to normal, and her anxiety is replaced by exhaustion. She sags against JJ, closes her eyes, relaxes into his warmth.

The next thing she remembers is JJ guiding her into the passenger seat of the van and bucking her seatbelt. It’s easy to trust him, to let her eyes slip closed and listen to the steady, familiar hum of the engine.

Kiara doesn’t ask where they’re going, and she must fall asleep at some point, because then she’s waking up in the driveway at the Chateau. She ignores JJ’s offered hand and stumbles out of the van, tugging off her heels the moment she gets inside and collapsing onto the pullout couch.

She doesn’t want to move ever again, content to fall asleep right there, exhaustion heavy in her bones, but JJ takes one look at her and pulls her to her feet. He takes her to the bathroom, turns the shower on and places a hand on her back to guide her inside. He asks if she wants him to stay. She says no, because JJ’s already looking at her like she’s a wounded animal, and she doesn’t want him to think that she can’t do anything by herself.

Even if she almost has another panic attack once he leaves, has to remind herself to breathe as she undresses and steps into the shower. The hot water helps, and she loses track of time standing in the spray. She never hears the door open, but when she gets out there’s a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt on the counter.

She puts them on, drys her hair with a towel but leaves it down, too exhausted to do anything else. The sweatshirt smells like JJ, and she breathes it in. She doesn’t want to think about what it means. She can have a pass tonight, she figures.

When she opens the door, the hallway smells like cooking oil and burnt toast. She wrinkles her nose, pads into the living room on silent feet, and she thinks JJ might be right to treat her like a skittish animal, because when she walks into the kitchen and sees the plate of eggs and toast on the table, she wants to run back inside the bathroom.

JJ seems to recognize her urge to flee, because he pats the seat across from him and gives her a pointed look. “Sit down, Kie.”

She complies, because she kind of owes him, and JJ actually managed to cook something without burning the house down, so that’s a miracle in it itself.

“It’s no five-star Kiara Carrera creation, but it’ll have to do,” he tells her, smiling at her as she sits down. “I only know how to cook breakfast— sorry.”

He seems almost embarrassed, but Kiara doesn’t see why. “No, I love it,” she tells him, and he just stares at her, as if he thinks she’s lying. “Really, I do.”

He grins at her then, his blue eyes sparkling in the dim lights of the Chateau, and then JJ’s digging into his own food like a starving stray dog who hasn’t had a real meal in weeks.

It smells great, even though the toast is a little burnt, and Kiara is starving, but she still hesitates before picking up her knife.

JJ notices it, because of course he does. “Eat, Kiara,” he says, his tone soft but firm. “You need it. Please.”

It’s the please that gets her. She takes a cautious bite of toast, which is burnt on one side by covered in butter. It settles in her stomach, warm and filling, and before she realizes it, she’s scraping her plate clean.

JJ doesn’t say anything, but there’s a gleam or triumph in his eyes when he takes her empty plate from her and places it in the sink.

She was exhausted before, but the food’s made her drowsy, and Kiara stumbles into John B’s room while JJ is washing the dishes. He’s not home, but she decides to wait until tomorrow to worry about it, if she has to. As well as a bunch of other things— like what the hell her mother is going to do with her.

Kiara’s muscles feel like they’re made out of lead as she collapses onto the bed. She’s exhausted, but her thoughts aren’t stopping, and it’s a relief when JJ appears in the doorway.

“You good?” He asks, and she hums into her pillow, not opening her eyes.

But then the floorboards creak as he turns to leave, and she doesn’t know what makes her do it, but she calls his name.

“Yeah?” JJ says, and she opens her eyes this time, studying his silhouette in the doorway, all soft lines and tousled blond curls.

“Will you stay?” She asks, before she can consider what it means, how he’ll interpret it. “I just... I don’t want to be alone right now.”

But JJ just nods, moving to the other side of the bed and lying a respectable distance away from her. He closes his eyes immediately, but Kiara can’t seem to relax. They’ve slept in the same bed before, but this feels different. Heavier.

“JJ?” She murmurs into the silence, and he hums to show that he’s listening. “Thank you. For tonight, I mean.”

“S’ no problem, Kie,” he says, his words slurred by exhaustion, eyelids drooping as he turned to look at her. “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”

“Yeah,” she whispered, picking at her nail polish to avoid meeting his gaze. “I know. It’s just... it’s hard, ya know? I didn’t want to bother any of you, God knows you have enough shit to deal with without me piling my own on top of it, and it wasn’t that big of a deal, I swear—”

“Kie, your shit is my shit,” JJ said, his voice firm as he reached out to take her hand. She brushed her fingers over his knuckles, comforted by the familiar pattern of the cracks and scars that had stayed there even after his cuts had healed. “I’m not going anywhere. And this... whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. All of us— John B and Pope too.”

Kiara nodded, and it was silent for a while, but then she said, “I’m sorry. About what I said, about your dad. I was out of line, and I—”

“Don’t worry about it,” JJ said, shrugging, his fingers squeezing hers in reassurance. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, but... it’s just scary, Kie. It was like I was watching you slip away right in front of me, and I didn’t know how to stop it.”

Kiara didn’t know what to say to that, so she just tucked herself into his side, pressing her face into his shoulder as JJ wrapped an arm around her. Their fingers were still intertwined, resting on his chest.

“Kie,” he said after a while, when she was on the brink of sleep. “I shouldn’t have to say it, but... you know you’re fucking beautiful, right? Just the way you are. You don’t have to��

“Thanks, JJ,” Kiara whispered before he could finish, her voice catching. She told herself not to cry, but a few tears escaped anyway. JJ wiped them from her cheeks, wove his fingers into her hair, running them through her wet curls.

“No, I’m serious, you’re like really hot, I—“

Kiara laughed, swatting at his arm, even though there was no real force behind it. There was a certain warmth rising in her chest, as she breathed in JJ’s scent and fell asleep in his arms. She didn’t quite know what it was, but it was new, and she liked it.

Far more than she should have.

                                      •••

It’s better after that. Not perfect, not right away, but better.

She explains everything to the Pogues eventually, and they take it all in stride, as if she’d just told them that she had decided to take up knitting as a pastime.

John B is always there, offering to drive her to get dinner, insisting he hasn’t eaten in days. He insists that Kie teach him how to cook fish the way they do at the Wreck, makes her taste-test each batch and critique them.

Pope does research, because that’s how he copes with this sort of thing, and after a while he starts bringing it up with her. JJ glares at him at first, asks Kiara if she wants him to stop, but she likes it. She likes knowing she’s not alone, that this is normal.

JJ’s approach is more subtle. He’s always making her food (he still can’t make toast without burning it, but she eats it anyway). Honestly, when JJ pouts and bats his eyelashes and flashes that devilish smirk of his, it’s hard to say no to anything he offers her. He makes it easy though, and that’s what she loves. It’s not awkward or forced, just them sharing a basket of fries at the Wreck, or visiting a local food truck festival in town.

She doesn’t know why she thought telling the Pogues would be a bad thing, because it’s nice not having to hide this from them, to know they’ll be there if she needs them.

Kiara doesn’t need perfect, she decides. She just needs her boys— if she has them, she’ll be fine.

No matter what happens.

[kayliemusing]

30

1: Name - Kaylie

2: Age - 23

3: 3 Fears - Spiders, failure, loss

4: 3 things I love - Reading, writing, Taylor Swift

5: 4 turns on - Kindness, nice hands, humor, someone who has a really warm heart.

6: 4 turns off - Arrogance, moustaches lmao, narcissism, basket ball shorts *shudders*

7: My best friend - Her name is Megan (but also my mom lmao)

8: Sexual orientation - Heterosexual

9: My best first date - I have never been on a date.

10: How tall am I - 5'2

11: What do I miss - My childhood mostly

12: What time were I born - 2:45 pm

13: Favorite color - Red, but sometimes a nice summery, pastel yellow

14: Do I have a crush - no

15: Favorite quote - I have so many that I can't say my utmost favourite, but one that I always think about is from Richard Siken "He was pointing at the moon but I was looking at his hand." I'm not even sure how this is supposed to be interpreted, but I just love the detail of this. Of someone looking at the moon and pointing at it, but you're looking at their hand because you're that consumed by them and also they're like your moon. anyway-

16: Favorite place - My house lol

17: Favorite food - Cheesecake

18: Do I use sarcasm - Yes, but very dryly

19: What am I listening to right now - Nothing actually. I'm just sitting in the quiet.

20: First thing I notice in new person - I used to think it was physical, like eyes or their smile, but I think it's actually their demeanor. i.e., confidence, if they're laid back, talkative or quiet, etc. Or even just how they handle things. Like when I'm at work and I meet a new co-worker I'm always noticing how they are with people.

21: Shoe size - 6.5 US but I can manage a 7 US too.

22: Eye color - Grey

23: Hair color - Ashy blonde, but I usually get it highlighted to be a brighter blonde

24: Favorite style of clothing - I'm super into the French girl vibe right now (elegany, classy, ribbed sweaters tucked into high waisted jeans or dress pants, a blazer thrown over and a nice gold necklace) but I'm also really into a summery boho look (flowy maxi dresses and skirts)

25: Ever done a prank call? No

27: Meaning behind my URL - On this account, it's just my name and then 'muses' because this account is just me talking to myself tbh. My main account is called autumnsletters which is just a combo of my fav things: autumn and handwritten love letters, and finally, my embarrassing taylor swift account is called sixteenavenue which is a lyric from her song I Think He Knows where she mentions her heart skipping down sixteenth avenue.

28: Favorite movie - I feel like i don't have one answer bc I always have a different answer to this question lmao. I think it's called A Christmas Carol (the 2009 version w/ Jim Carrey). It just makes me feel cozy and warm inside. Also: Clueless.

29: Favorite song - All Too Well by Taylor Swift I think.

30: Favorite band - Of Monsters and Men

31: How I feel right now - I actually feel really happy today, which is a change lol. I had an awful week last week, but over the last couple of days I've just felt more creative and happier.

32: Someone I love - My mom

33: My current relationship status - Single

34: My relationship with my parents - Excellent.

35: Favorite holiday - Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have -0 :'(

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - I want to get my ears pierced again bc the holes grew over. Low key want a nose piericing and low key want a tattoo on my collarbone (or somewhere around there)

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Because everyone else had it and I felt left out LOL

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - I don't have an ex

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - No

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - No i've never been kissed rip

42: When did I last hold hands? - never but it's ok bc i can hold my own hand

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depending on what I'm doing. If I showered the night before and I'm just doing a very low-maintenance look, roughly 15-20 mins. On a normal day in which I shower in the morning and am trying to actually be presentable, roughly an hour.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - Have YOU shaved MY legs? No. Have I shaved my own? Yes

45: Where am I right now? - My room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - Most likely I'm not drunk, but IF I WAS, it would be my friend, my mom, or my sister (my sister would probs make fun of me and film me tho tbh)

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - Loud if I'm jamming with nothing else to do but sing along. If I'm trying to do something, I'll turn it down bc I can't focus with loud music (especially if I'm trying to write something/talk to someone/text someone)

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - My mom bc my dads dead

49: Am I excited for anything? - My sister and I are going to Banff in about three weeks so I'm excited for a getaway.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - No

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I work in retail so

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I don't know. I think I hugged my mom at some point this week lol

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Bye bye babyyyy

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - my cat

55: What is something I disliked about today? - I had to go to work

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Taylor Alison Swift baby

57: What do I think about most? - Probably Taylor Swift.

58: What’s my strangest talent? - I can make stomach gurgling noises with my mouth closed.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - Nah, pretty generic ones

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Behind the camera

61: What was the last lie I told? - Some lady asked if a product was good and I said yes so I wouldn't have to help her find another one

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Neither what the hell

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - Neither

64: Do I believe in magic? - No

65: Do I believe in luck? - No

66: What's the weather like right now? - It's calm, but a little cloudy. It was really warm and sunny earlier, but it's gotten a little grey.

67: What was the last book I've read? - I just finished this series called The Winner's Curse by Marie Rutkoski and it was so good but so stressful omg. Still 5/5 stars.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Yes

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Not really, but sometimes my coworkers call my Kayls

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - Oh my god when I was like 10 I fell during grounders and the bar hit me right on the cooch. Most painful event of my entire life.

71: Do I spend money or save it? - Spend it bitch

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - No

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes!! my blanket!!

74: Favorite animal? - I love hippos and I don't know why.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - Reading on my phone to avoid sleeping so I could prolong not going to work

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - Devil. Kind of like Satan The Devil is his full name

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Shake It Off

78: How can you win my heart? - Learning Taylor Swift's entire discography for my sake

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - tbh I really don't know

80: What is my favorite word? - Wonderstruck

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - n/a

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stream fearless taylor's version

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Healing

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - N/A

86: What is my current desktop picture? - it's a misty forest

87: Had sex? - no

88: Bought condoms? - no

89: Gotten pregnant? - no

90: Failed a class? - yes

91: Kissed a boy? - no

92: Kissed a girl? - no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - no but it's a dream

94: Had a job? - I've had two so far

95: Left the house without my wallet? - Yes, sometimes I do it on purpose so I can make my mom pay for something lmao (chill i'm talking something small like candy)

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - no

97: Had sex in public? - no

98: Played on a sports team? - no

99: Smoked weed? - no

100: Did drugs? - no

101: Smoked cigarettes? - no

102: Drank alcohol? - yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - no

104: Been overweight? - I feel overweight, but technically no

105: Been underweight? - No

106: Been to a wedding? - Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - Yes, but not since I was younger. I'm mostly on my phone now.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - Oh yeah lmao

109: Been outside my home country? - No

110: Gotten my heart broken? - Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? - No

112: Broken a bone? - No

113: Cut myself? - Yes

114: Been to prom? - Sort of. I'm Canadian so I had grad.

115: Been in airplane? - No

116: Fly by helicopter? - No

117: What concerts have I been to? - Jonas Brothers when I was about 10 lmao and Marianas Trench when I was 15

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - No

119: Learned another language? - Tried to

120: Wore make up? - Yes. I do work at a makeup store.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - no

122: Had oral sex? - no

123: Dyed my hair? - not a funky color, no

124: Voted in a presidential election? - Sort of; I voted for a prime minister

125: Rode in an ambulance? - Yes

126: Had a surgery? - No

127: Met someone famous? - No

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - No

129: Peed outside? - No

130: Been fishing? - No

131: Helped with charity? - Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? - No bc I never fessed up to any crush lol

133: Broken a mirror? - No

134: What do I want for birthday? - A jewelry box

[amphtaminedreams]

If We Can’t Have the Parties, At Least We Have the Coats: Lookbook no.13

Hi to anyone reading,

It’s been a weird winter, right?

A winter that I REALLY did not need to buy as many clothes for as I have. You WILL save loads of money during this lockdown, I told myself. You WILL. And yet here I am in December, in exactly the same financial position I was in March. You would think that making the switch to an environmentally friendly wardrobe would mean I own less but now I no longer have the guilt of supporting fast fashion to hold me back, I’ve accumulated more clothes than ever. Part of a sustainable wardrobe is also about reducing your consumption so now I’ve mostly made the move towards only supporting transparent companies/small businesses, I can move onto the buying less part. I haven’t thrown any clothes away but still, I am not the clothes rescuer I think I am-more just an overdraft abuser. To add to that, for those of us actually following the rules (half the people I went to secondary school with flaunting their apparently unaffected social lives on Instagram, I’m looking at you) there aren’t actually all that many opportunities to wear new outfits. Not to go too first world problems, but it is a little shit when getting dressed up and doing your makeup is one of the things that you do to help you feel a little better, especially when the seasonal (and situational in these times) depression kicks in.

So yes, I have been extra af recently and combatted this with the decision to start making an effort to outfit plan for the most basic of tasks. We’re talking a full face of makeup and accessories for going into town to get a coffee or to meet a friend for a walk. I mean, I still go to Tesco in my trackies but if I’m seeing somebody else, I am sure as hell going to treat it as a reason to wear something nice. See the winter outfits section of the lookbook as your inspiration to do the same because I can guarantee you the sense of normality forcing yourself to take makeup off at the end of the day brings will actually make you feel a lot better. Genuinely the mark of exceptional times. We’ve also got the few days relief period over Christmas in the UK where we’re allowed to mix with a maximum of 3 other households, and ignoring the fact that it doesn’t really make any sense given that the number of people you could end up mixing with depends on the size of the households and is realistically completely arbitrary (I have a lot of feelings about how fucking moronic half the decisions this government has been making are but then again, what’s new?), I’m sure those of you with big families are gonna be partying. I’m only spending Christmas with my immediate family but I thought I’d put some more festive outfits together anyway. I know, I know, it sounds like I’m just bullshitting an explanation as to why I put this lookbook together when in reality I’m trying to make myself feel better about the damage to my bank account buuuut it really is more a case of being inspired by my Depop finds and if you are trying to quit fast fashion, I can’t recommend the app enough (especially if you know what you’re looking for). As I did in the last lookbook, I will make sure to include the tags of all the people I bought these pieces from but I also thought it might be helpful to make a note of some of the descriptors I used to find them so you can get more of an idea how to find the things you’re looking for too, as well as prices. I did include the names of the shops I bought the few fast fashion items I styled from too, mostly earlier this year or at some point over the last couple of years, on the basis that they may be a useful search prompt if you’re looking for something similar or the exact item-the majority are no longer available (disclaimer: I haven’t bought anything from Boohoo in a longgg time) to buy but you might be able to find an account that’s selling a used version. Don’t be put off by that-I’ve had to wash a couple of pieces but for the most part, that hasn’t been necessary. Charity shops usually wash things before they put them out, so you have nothing to worry about there either-I expect that they’re particularly thorough at the moment considering the COVID crisis.

Enough rambling from me for now! Enjoy!

-(SOCIALLY DISTANCED) PARTY SZN LOOKS-

Powder Blue Wide Brim Felt Hat/Fedora: £16.99

Structured White Mesh Oh Polly Mini Dress w/Ruched Detail: £27

Black PVC Beret w/Red Flame Detail: £14

Red Fit and Flare Dress w/Satin Corset & Tulle Skirt: £12

Black PVC Vintage Platform Boots w/Red Flame Detail: £27

White Satin Corset w/Straps: £8

Pinstripe Cropped Blazer Co-ord Set: £12.50

Oh Mighty Strappy Contrast Corset: £27

Contrast Check Cigarette Trousers: £15

Pink Topshop Gingham Blazer Co-ord Set BNWT: £35

White Strappy Corset w/Suspender Detail: £10

White PVC Beret w/Black Flame Detail: £14

Reworked Strappy Patchwork Sports Cropped Tee: £10

Black Combat Cargo Trousers: £5

Strappy Tie-dye Pretty Little Thing Corset BNWT: £15

PVC/Vinyl Zip-up Mini Skirt w/Belt Detail: £9

White Satin Cowl Neck Mini Slip Dress: £8

Urban Outfitters ‘90s Style Celestial Print Mesh Babydoll Dress: £15

-(SOMETIMES PRACTICAL) COAT SZN LOOKS-

UNIF Colour Block Oversized Jumper/Sweater: £25

Topshop Dark Wash Denim Kick Flare Jeans w/Frayed Hem Detail: £16

Vintage ‘70s Style Brown Faux Suede Western Blazer/Jacket: £15

Black Velvet High Neck Bodysuit w/Keyhole Detail: £4

Topshop Paisley Print Chiffon Midi Dress: £15

Brandy Melville Cropped Motorcross Slogan Slogan Tee: £13.60

Ragged Priest Gingham Cargo/Combat Trousers w/Utility Style Buckle Detailing: £33

Black Kappa Logo Beanie: £12

White Platform FILA Disruptors in Good Condition: £55

Black Fur Bucket Hat: £8

Celestial Silver Moon Detail Chain Belt: £18

Black Satin Cowl Neck Detail Midi Slip Dress: £15

Floral Print Platform Boots: £10

Blue Denim ASOS High Rise Mom Jeans: £12

Brown Vintage ‘70s Style Afghan Coat w/Fur Trim: £25

Teal Wide Brim Felt Hat/Fedora: £10

Topshop Floral Print A-Line Jacquard Mini Skirt: £7

Lana Del Rey Screen Printed T-Shirt: £9.99

Vintage Corduroy Contrast Stripe Trousers w/Kick Flare: £28

Anyone that read to the end, thank you so much as always and I hope this shows just how many in-trend pieces you can find second hand! I know I'm SUPER far behind to the point where it’s closer to the F/W2021 shows now than it is since the S/S2021 collections were showcased but I decided I am going to do a full length fashion week review. I also have a few moodboards planned and my next is gonna be one focussing purely on plus sized fashion as the feedback that I got from my New Style Icons post was that I could have included more bigger girls; I am so, so, SO passionate about body positivity and fat acceptance, especially since I know my own relationship with my body would be so much better if this kind of movement was more prominent when I was younger, so I don’t for a minute want anyone to think it was my intention to be exclusionary in any way. It bears repeating that I genuinely appreciate feedback in any form (as long as it’s not too mean and presumptive, lol) and I hope the next post doesn’t disappoint! It hasn’t been a good year for cinema due to COVID having lead to theatre closures, however I still do want to do another film tier ranking in the new year as that is something I really enjoyed doing last time. Any more suggestions are welcome!

As always, my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to or just wanna chat about a post:-) I am constantly on the look out for new blogs to follow and people to interact with so any communication is welcome. I’m not sure if I’ll get another post finished before we enter 2021, SO I wanna say that I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and that this shitshow of a year DOES come to an end at 11:59PM on the 31st because THOSE MEMES ABOUT IT TURNING DECEMBER THE 32ND ARE NOT FUNNY! Here’s to our second attempt at our first year of the roaring twenties (because this past year it feels like we skipped them and went straight to The Great Depression, the likely incoming recession denial is real) and to happier times and good health for everyone.

Lauren x

DISCLAIMER: Background in the first 2 images are mine, others are not. I found them on Pinterest so not sure of the artists but if you do know, drop me a message so I can credit them!

[purplesurveys]

1187

When you see someone smile, does it make you smile as well? If their reaction was that heartwarming then yeah, I would. But I don’t always smile along with people literally all the time; I imagine that would be a little creepy...?

What was the last thing you regret buying? I felt the slightest bit of letdown with the fanmade BTS Polaroid print-outs I got from this shop because they turned out to be a little smaller than the standard Polaroid-sized photo, so to anyone familiar with how Polaroid film looks like it would clearly look unofficial. BUT it was from a small business and they did write my name in big pretty calligraphy on a thank-you card they included with my order and they included some adorable freebies, so I’m not completely disappointed and I’m just happy to have been able to support them.

What's a band that you said you would never like but ended up listening to? lol see K-Pop category. Serving clown realness hahahaha

What is something unique about you? I have a very crooked left pinky finger, which isn’t common at least among people I’ve met so far. It’s always a funny thing to raise when hanging out with friends too.

What do you think the most overrated Halloween costume is? A vampire or witch. < These are good. Pirates too, I feel like.

What was the last creepy thing to happen to you? Nothing creepy has happened around me recently, fortunately. I don’t handle creepy situations (especially men) well and I usually end up breaking down in tears once I’m able to process them, so I’m glad nothing has happened so far.

What are you looking forward to doing this summer? I feel like I would have been able to take several out-of-town trips by now out of my own if not for the pandemic. But considering where we still are today, I don’t really know how to answer these kinds of questions anymore.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people? How I eat fried chicken, haha. I always tear out all the batter/skin and put them aside on my plate because I like having it last.

After taking a shower, do you change in the bathroom or in your bedroom? I bring my change of clothes with me to the bathroom and dress up there.

What game consoles do you own? The ones we currently use are the PS4 and Switch, but we also still keep the PS3 in the living room just in case someone wants to use it.

What is a belief you have that most people would disagree with? My opinion about fruits. :((

Has a book ever made you cry? Maybe not cry, but some books have made me stare out blankly in shock for a few minutes after I finished them.

What was the last thing you bought that was on sale? A meal I ordered online that was under a promo during the time I purchased it.

What books would you love to be made into a film? I’ll always be waiting for the Septimus Heap series to be turned into a film series of its own, even though I never got to finish all 7 books.

Do you look your age? I look slightly younger. I get asked for my ID all the time.

Have you ever liked someone while you were in a relationship? Never.

Can you dry swallow pills? No, I would find it extremely uncomfortable

--

[squeezing in a second survey in here because that one was way too short]

Who is someone that everyone seems to love, but you don't? Much as I’ve tried, I can never get into Lana del Rey’s music.

Are you different in real life than on the Internet? Not so much. I like wearing my heart on my sleeve, and what you read on here is pretty much how I would express myself in real life.

What's been a 'once in a lifetime' experience for you? Seeing One Direction because they’re most definitely not reuniting at this point.

What is something you're really good at doing, but really hate doing it? Weaving through traffic. It still makes me anxious.

Are you still with the person you lost your virginity to? Nope.

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? These days, probably to have an extra hour for reading fanfics hehe.

Would you rather have a big or small dog? I like medium-sized dogs best, which is why Kimi and Cooper are perfect for me.

Name a band that you wish never split up. Paramore.

List 5 things you find extremely attractive. Thighs, big eyes that don’t look creepy, hands, toned but not muscular arms, and...Kim Taehyung? Hehehehehe

Do you tend to over pack when you travel or under pack? Oooooooooverpack. I will bring clothes enough for 5 days for a weekend trip.

Has a movie ever ruined a book for you? I don’t think that’s happened before.

Who's the most famous person you've met? I’ve always turned down the chance to meet celebrities because I don’t have enough faith in myself to be able to handle the situation well lol. That said, the closest encounter I’ve had is having Joe Sugg directly wave at me during a YouTuber fanmeet 6 years ago.

What is something you lack, personality wise. Creativity.

Name a song from your favorite band that isn't a single or well known. Turn It Off by Paramore.

Could you have a child at the age you are now? I personally find 23 a bit too early, but I know a lot of people who’ve become moms or who were already moms by this age.

How old were you when you got your ears pierced? Idk, weeks or months old if I had to guess.

[twoblueheartslocked]

Mini Para: December Flashback.

Rating: R.

Pairing: Seblaine.

Sebastian: @colorsicantsee

Blaine: @twoblueheartslocked

Time: Four years before the events of ( Hold On To The Memories, They Will Hold On To You ) Events taking place in December of Blaine’s Senior Year and Sebastian’s Junior Year. Blaine (17) Seb(16).

Location: Sebastian’s House. Westerville, Ohio

Info: A glimpse into the month of December ending with Blaine spending the night with Sebastian.

Warnings(PLEASE READ THIS): This para includes non graphic descriptions of sexual situations between minors.  We’ve kept it as YA as possible. We are in NO way trying to spotlight sex between teens, we just wanted to show how natural and comfortable they are together and the progression of their relationship. There will be absolutely no smut written until they’re adults. If anyone feels we’ve taken it too far please let us know and we will fix it.

Extra Warnings: (This RP is not Kurt Hummel friendly. You’ve all been warned.)

Notes: Some canon events remain in place while others have been changed. Some things may even be out of order. You can consider this sort of canon divergent AU. A few changes are that Blaine’s parents are different from the show (His mother is Filipina), he didn’t cheat on Kurt or date Dave and Sebastian is younger than Blaine. Feel free to send a message if you have any questions!

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine squeezed his mother tightly as she and his father said their goodbyes to him on Saturday morning, two days after Christmas. They were leaving for a weekend belated Christmas and early New Year’s party that his father’s work friend had invited them to and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow evening sometime. Blaine tried his hardest to keep his excitement in check as he waved their SUV off, the light snowfall clinging to his dark hair as he stood there, waiting for them to turn off at the end of the street. He couldn’t believe his absolute luck, he’d been stressing since his stolen moments in his bedroom with Sebastian on Thanksgiving over how he was going to come up with a lie to tell his parents when a week and half ago his dad had announced that he and his mom would be gone for a whole night and it just so happened to be the weekend that Sebastian’s parents would be out as well. He was ecstatic to spend some real alone time with his guy. Ecstatic and so nervous he thought he might throw up or giggle himself into a mad happy fit over it all.

The two of them had already celebrated their Christmas together, exchanging small gifts at Blaine’s house and precisely placed mistletoe kisses against a snowy backdrop that had been so romantic that when Blaine voiced just how romantic he thought it was Sebastian had rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance but then had surprised him by grinning down at Blaine like he was the most important person in the world and pulling him into his arms and kissing him again just to make it all that more romantic for Blaine. He smiled at the memory as he made his way back into his house so he could properly pack for his overnight stay at Seb’s house.

He’d left his small duffle bag empty and tucked away under his bed so that his parents wouldn’t catch onto what he was going to do. He felt a little pang of guilt knowing that they wouldn’t really approve of him spending the night alone over there no matter how fond of Sebastian they’d grown.  But the guilt was short lived as he packed a change of clothes, a pair of pajamas and a few toiletries into his bag- he couldn’t help it, he’d been waiting weeks, probably subconsciously even longer, for this night.

Before he zipped the bag up he made his way over to his nightstand, his fingers twitching nervously as he pulled a newly purchased three pack of condoms out of their hiding place. He was afraid that if he thought about it too much he’d leave them behind. He wasn’t even sure if it would happen, he had a feeling they were on the same page, that Sebastian wanted him just as much as he did, but his nerves always seemed to get the better of him and he was torn. Without looking at them too hard he quickly shoved them into his bag along with a small bottle of lube, tucking them under his clothing, but not before his eyes could catch on the ridiculously bold XXL on the slim package.

The letters seemed to leer up at him and made him feel self conscious and overly embarrassed. He knew he needed them, he’d learned the hard way how uncomfortable the smaller size was for him the few times he’d used them, but it didn’t make him feel any less full of himself. Would Sebastian think he was stupid for getting that kind? Was he being full of himself? He forced himself not to think about it too hard, his hands moving on their own accord to zip his bag up as if that meant he couldn’t still change his mind. He pulled out his phone and opened up the text log between him and Seb- a smile passing over his lips as he read the last text from him. -Can't wait to see you, killer.  Blaine quickly typed out his own message, his fingers a little shaky at the prospect of getting to spend the whole day and night over at Seb’s house with absolutely zero supervision or interruptions. -You’re in luck, they've left. I’m on my way, okay?

Seb had sent back the words- Hurry! But also be safe. And that was really all the prompting Blaine needed. He made sure the house was locked down and left the television on in his living room in a half hearted attempt to throw his neighbors off, they didn’t tend to pay much attention to what he did, but it would be his luck they’d pay attention now and call his parents back or something. Or that was just his nerves talking again. He slung the bag across his chest, hoping it looked more like he were going to go study than like he were spending the night somewhere and got into his SUV, his vehicle seemingly taking him in the direction of Sebastian’s house like it was following an invisible line that connected the two of them so surly. Before he knew it he was there, parked in the long driveway and feeling small as he knocked on the door, his fingers clutching the strap of his back as if it could keep him grounded. Seb’s for Blaine only smile was brilliant as he opened the door to greet him and it took Blaine a second to find his voice.

“Hey you.”

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian was buzzing with energy. He woke up early, drank a bunch of coffee with his dad’s sugar free french vanilla creamer and ate four pieces of peanut butter toast. He sat on his mother’s bed and helped her pick out her outfits for the trip and packed her bag. Thomas hadn’t noticed Sebastian’s surge of helpfulness and burst of jittery energy but Sabine had. “You seem eager today, Sebastian.”  She stood by the car as Thomas and the maid packed the hatchback trunk of the SUV and she had a knowing glint to her green eyes. “Just here to help, Mom. Have a safe trip.” Sebastian grinned and leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead before he walked backwards into a house that was basically all his. Sure, the maid and the cook would be around but, he and Blaine pretty much had the place to themselves.

He made sure to ask the cook to pick up hot cocoa and pizza ingredients from the store so that they could make themselves a meal, cleaned his room himself (fresh sheets and no dirty laundry anywhere!) stole a few cigarettes (sorry Mom) and bought some condoms from the convenience store he often  passed on his way home. Sebastian took a long, detailed shower and picked out a dark green hoodie and his favorite Dalton LaCrosse sweatpants to wear.  He gave himself a once over in the mirror and smiled to himself. He was positive that they were on the same line, same chapter, same book because they always were. Seb never got this anxious excitement for anybody but the other boy. He had been daydreaming about this night for weeks and his veins were buzzing and his stomach kept jumping. Sebastian shot Blaine a few quick texts and stared at the clock on his phone, he couldn’t wait for him to arrive and he couldn’t sit still.

He was already standing by the door when Blaine had knocked because he had stood by an upstairs window and watched the snow fall as he waited for his car to pull up. Sebastian basically leaped down the stairs  and could have tackled Blaine into the snow right then and there. There he stood, on his porch with his cheeks red and little snowflakes perched on a few curls that started to escape their perfect styling.

“Hey B.” Sebastian smiled before he could catch himself and stood back for the other to step inside. “Do you want to eat first or, hear me out, I found my old sled in the garage the other day. We could go to the hill and try it out.”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine couldn’t fight the smile that fought its way onto his lips as he listened to Sebastian speak. He could picture them already, sledding down the hill at the end of Seb’s street- cheeks numb from the cold and from laughing and all at once the idea was something he wanted more than anything he’d ever wanted before. He took his bag from over his body and sat in neatly at the end of the kitchen counter next to an assortment of instant hot chocolate and marshmallows so that he could take it up to Sebastian’s room later on.

His stomach  gave a little flip at the thought, and he wondered when they’d find themselves up there. Would they cuddle on the sofa and watch movies in their pajamas first like this was their home and this was a normal night? Or would they get overly excited and fumble clumsily up the stairs, lips and limbs tangled in two hours? He personally hoped that they took their time, he wanted this day and night to last, he’d been here five minutes and already the thought of leaving was making him feel a silly bit of sadness.

“I would absolutely love to go sledding with you, Seb. I haven’t done that since I was a kid!” He laughed, and reached out for Seb’s hands, taking them into his before pressing a kiss to them. He hoped his lips weren’t too cold. “And then after that we can come back in and I’ll make you the best cup of instant hot cocoa you’ve ever had on top of the best pizza, no second best pizza- the first would be the one I made on your birthday, you’ve ever had and we can warm up.” He pulled Sebastian closer using their linked fingers and wrapped his arms around his neck, his fingers toying with his hairline.

“I promise to keep you warm if you get too cold.  We can do whatever you want, you’ve got me all night long. I’m completely yours.” His smile turned a little shy, his nerves catching up to him before tip toeing up and stealing a kiss from Sebastian’s lips, his fingers scraping lightly through his hair. He let his eyes slip shut as he deepened it just a bit, as if promising Sebastian that he’d keep him warm and that he wasn’t going anywhere. When he said he was his for the rest of the night, he hoped Sebastian knew that he meant so much longer than that. He meant always.

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian’s heart fluttered when Blaine tipped up on the tips of his toes to press a kiss to his lips. His stomach flipped in a way that was almost uncomfortable, the sort of dip that happens when you drive down  a hill too fast and gravity catches up before you’ve even realized you were flying down a slope. He had goosebumps all over his arms and legs and a promise that hung tight in the air between the two of them. Seb smiled and felt a thrill run up and down his spine. “I’m a lucky guy.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” Sebastian clasped onto Blaine’s hand and pulled him up the stairs. The two of them bundled up in scarves and gloves and earmuffs that his mother kept tidy in a tote in the upstairs linen closet. He wrapped a fluffy hunter green scarf around Blaine’s neck and toyed with the frayed ends for a moment, “I’m all yours,too. For the record.”  He smiled his toothy grin that he kept reserved for the other boy and gave him a quick kiss before troping down the stairs, the two of them laughing all the way to the garage and down to the end of his street.

Sebastian sat down first on the bright orange sled and tapped the plastic in between his legs with a gloved hand, “You get to steer.”  The two of them flew, just barely missed a tree and landed in a heap of laughter at the bottom of the hill. They slid down the hill successfully a few more times before they crashed and rolled into the snow with red cheeks and frozen puffs of amusement as they wrestled playfully and kissed as snowflakes drifted around them.  Sebastian threw the first snowball in a not so serious snowball fight that ended in more kissing and laughing. They decided to head back to the house when Sebastian’s glove started to freeze and his body shook with cold tremors.

“Don’t forget that you promised me the best hot cocoa ever and, you know I think I still need some more warming up.”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine’s skin prickled all over at Sebastian’s words. He wanted to follow up with how lucky he was too, wanted to tell Sebastian that he meant the world to him and tell him just how incredible being with him felt- but Seb was already pulling him the stairs and making Blaine feel like he could do anything by telling him that he was all his, too. Blaine felt an odd sense of belonging as Seb wrapped his green scarf around him. Sure, it had been washed since the last time it had been worn, but there the ghost of Sebastian’s winter scent still clung to the fluff like a kiss. Wearing Seb’s things made Blaine feel like he belonged there, like this life was meant for him. He found he couldn’t stop beaming as they made their way outside hand in hand.

And each slide down the hill, each press of Sebastian’s body pressed against his back as he tried to steer and they flew past glittering trees made Blaine smile bigger and bigger until his face hurt from doing so. The cold adding to his pleasurable discomfort as they kissed in the snow, Seb’s lips tasting like snow and a lingering of forbidden smoke that was absolutely driving Blaine wild. It felt like he was in a book or a movie and again he didn’t want any of it to end.

As they made their way back into Seb’s house, the fireplace roared and warmed his chilled bones instantly. Blaine wasn’t sure who had turned it on, probably one of Sabine’s elusive staff, but it felt magical and Blaine wanted to pull Sebastian in front of it and snuggle into him there. But, he promised he’d make him the best cup of cocoa he’d ever had and he meant to do just that. He made his way through the kitchen, Sebastian’s words about warming him up making his heart flip a little.

“I did promise, didn’t I?” He pulled Seb close and wrapped his arms around him before running his hands up and down his back in an attempt, his lips finding his neck, the pulsepoint spot Seb loved so much and pressing an assortment of kisses there before pulling back. “Better?” He grinned up at the other boy, “There’s more where those came from later, I promise that too.”  He winked and forced himself to pull away before he got too carried away in exploring the gorgeous expanse that was Sebastian’s neck. He didn’t want to rush the day and doing that would for sure rush things.

He cleared his throat and made his way around the Smythe family kitchen like he’d done a dozen times before gathering ingredients for the perfect cup of instant. “Right, so the best cup of instant hot cocoa ever.” He placed a pan on the stove and then put the water in and set it to heat before he pulled down two large mugs and filled them with the powder. He went to the fridge and pulled out the whole milk and set it next to the mugs. He then added the boiled water into the mix and tossed in a few marshmallows. “The key is to add milk to make it creamier and to mix in the bigger marshmallows and just keep adding them as they melt. It’s super sweet but my mom used to make it like this when I was a kid and it’s my favorite. Here, try it. He handed Sebastian his mug and watched as he blew on the liquid before taking a drink. The other boy's smile was all Blaine needed to know he’d done a good job.

The day went on way too fast for Blaine's liking between sips of cocoa in front of the fire and giggling about their sledding mishaps and Blaine pretending not to like the smoke on Seb’s lips that Seb totally saw through- and before he knew it it was evening and they were cuddled up down in their basement, cozy in warm sweats on Seb’s sofa, half eaten plates of Blaine’s homemade pizza discarded to the side so they could kiss each other properly as the sounds of the movie Gremlins (Which kinda scared Sebastian) played in the background. Blaine, needing air, finally pulled back enough to look down at Seb from his spot half on top of him and hovering above him, his leg pushed up and over Seb’s body, his guys cheeks flushed from the earlier cold and from their kissing. He looked fucking gorgeous and Blaine blurted it before he could stop himself. His voice was soft and almost in awe.

“You’re beautiful...”

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian sighed and pressed his hands into Blaine’s hips when he felt his lips on his sensitive neck. He laughed , loud and bright though his skin still felt hot from the kisses but Blaine had winked and it seemed like they had switched personalities for a split second. It felt like a perfect moment, the sort of memory that Seb wished he could wrap up and keep close because it was pure and so specifically them.

He watched Blaine make himself at home which gave him a special sort of warm satisfaction. The other boy knew where the pans were, knew the correct cabinet to find mugs. Seb liked to see it, Hunter wasn’t even this familiar with the Smythe house. It felt like Blaine was always meant to whisk into the kitchen and sing and laugh and bake pies and make pizza and hot cocoa. It was the most alive the house had felt to Seb in a long time.

Blaine had set a giant mug of frothy hot chocolate in front of him. “Looks perfect.” He leaned forward and let the steam drift over his cold face for a moment before he blew on it and took a sip. Sebastian smiled and took another drink because of course Blaine could make instant hot cocoa taste like it came from a coffee shop.

The next few hours were a blur of pizza, some weird 80s movie Blaine had picked (the only redeeming quality to Sebastian was the lead actor who was sort of cute.), and kissing until their lips began to hurt and their cheeks were red. Blaine sort of hovered over him, the noise of little gremlins screaming on the tv as he blurted out You’re beautiful and Sebastian blinked a few times, a slow smile spread over his face. He looked up into the other’s big, golden eyes and realized that nobody else had ever called him beautiful before and he felt a satisfied shiver spread its way all over his body. Sebastian didn’t think any words could suffice so he leaned up and kissed Blaine all soft and slow and suddenly it felt like pressure in the room changed. It was the feeling of jumping into the deep end of a pool, sudden and intense, lungs burning and legs kicking to break the surface. The rush of running full speed down the track, every tendon screaming for release. The thrill  of swinging so high on a swing set that it lifted off the ground dangerously with every pump.  His body felt hot and his hands trembled as they knotted in the neck of Blaine’s shirt, his hips ached, he moaned despite himself.

“I think that you should take me upstairs.”

Blaine’s POV:

A shiver and a tingle spread throughout the lower half of Blaine’s body at the sound of Sebastian’s moan and the tone in his voice. All at once he was overwhelmed with want and a desire he’d truly never felt for anyone else before. Every crush or person before seemed like a little insignificant when it came to the way he felt about Sebastian and I love you threatened to surge forward again but Blaine pushed it down and back into his chest next to his heart in favor of giving the other boy a wide eyed nod as he scooted off of him gently and reached down to help Seb up with him. He knew what this meant, he knew what Sebastian wanted and he wanted nothing more than to give it to him. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to manage to get them both of two sets of stairs without stumbling.

His hands were shaking as he pulled Seb’s shirt up and over his head once they’d managed to make it into his bedroom. His fingers tentatively explored each little freckle, wanting to count them like the stars in the sky. He leaned down and pressed a kiss into a few of them, trying to show Sebastian that he loved how he looked, wanting to get this right, wanting Sebsatian to know that Blaine loved him and his body without saying it outloud. He reluctantly pulled away from Sebastian, his skin instantly missing the contact as he quickly rummaged around in his bag for the small pack of condoms and small bottle of lube he brought and sat them down on the bedside table before moving back to Sebastian and pressing a kiss to his lips to hide his growing blush.

The queen sized bed seemed too large yet inviting as he pressed Sebastian down and into the sheets before crawling up between his legs, his excitement apparent as he pushed his hips against the boy beneath him, his fingers fumbling with the the hem of Sebastian’s sweats and boxers for a moment before managing to push them down and to the ground. Blaine bit his lip as their bare skin touched before ducking his head and kissing Seb so slowly and gently that he thought he’d float away from how fucking good it felt to him. After what felt like hours, kissing and touching like that he finally pulled his head back to look down into green eyes, his voice a nervous whisper.

“ I-...Are you sure this is what you want?”

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian laughed a little, he had to.  Of course Blaine would ask even as he was flushed and panting underneath him with desperate hands and hips. He loved that about him-his sweet demeanor and how naturally charming and polite he was. God, it made him even crazier for him, that fucking concerned look in his amber eyes and the thoughtful furrow of his eye brows.

“More than anything.”

It all happened so fast. Such a cliche of a thought but it was true. It was all a tangle of hands and mouths and names whispered into hot skin. Sebastian felt satisfied and complete as Blaine pulled him close under his heavy bedspread. His body felt spent and tired and he was sure he could sleep solidly for 12 hours if he let himself but all he wanted to do was trace  his long fingers over Blaine’s torso as he listened  to his heart beat beat beat under his head. Sebastian kept catching himself smiling anytime Blaine spoke or touched him and he wondered if they could live in his bedroom forever, in this little wonderful moment like a snow globe.  He was always mystified by the way Blaine flipped his world upside down and brought all of his feelings to the surface and made him daydream  and laugh and smile and want to be nice. Seb was terrified to put a label on the way he felt but he couldn’t deny it any longer, he loved the kid.  

Sebastian took a deep breath and leaned up on his elbow so he could see the other boy’s face, “Wish you didn’t have to leave in the morning.”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine lay there with Sebastian’s head on his chest, his fingers tracing his freckles, the ones he could reach, across his shoulder. The world felt still and the world felt like it belonged to them and Blaine wanted nothing more than to freeze this moment and save it for bad days. Sebastian felt like he belonged here in his arms, and he wondered, not for the first time, how he’d gone so long denying himself this comfort. Blaine swallowed hard, his chest aching and swelling and he was so afraid that if he spoke he’d ruin the moment.

He was so afraid that if he told Sebastian how he felt that Seb would stiffen and maybe ask him to leave and things would be awkward and stressed and while he thought that maybe they were on the same page, on the off chance that Seb turned him away, Blaine thought that might kill him. So he held onto him tightly and whispered to him that he’d  come back over tomorrow night. Told Seb that he just needed to be home when his parents got home so he wouldn't be in trouble. And when they drifted off to sleep together, Blaine was wrapped tightly around the taller boy, his face pressed against the back of his neck, and his arms locked around him as if he’d always fit in that space between Blaine’s arms.

And when he forced himself to leave the next day Blaine made sure to kiss Sebastian extra sweet and long so that he’d know that the night had meant everything to him. That the whole thing, not just the sex, was important and to show Sebastian that he was the reason Blaine felt the happiest he’d ever felt in his whole life. I love you hung silently in the air between them as he stepped out into the December wind and Blaine made a promise to himself that when he came back over tonight he’d tell Sebastian how he felt. So what if it had only been a few months? Who made the rules that you could only fall in love after years? Blaine knew how he felt and he needed Sebastian to know too. He had to have faith that Sebastian would accept it, maybe even say it back. How incredible would that be? How good would that feel?

He was all smiles, his heart singing louder than his voice as he straightened up his house for his mom and dad, his earphones blashing away so loudly he almost missed his phone ringing from his bedroom. And as he raced to pick it up thinking it might be his reason for smiling. That Sebastian’s slow, comforting voice might be on the other end- 

He’d come to wish that he had missed it.

/fin.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Do you like having your picture taken? No.

2. Have you ever done a photo shoot, professional or non? I’ve had pictures taken at photo studios and I have a cousin who’s a photographer that did my college graduation photos.

3. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why? I mean, nowhere right now. BUT, there’s a lot of places I’d love to visit one day. Various countries and places here in the US. I just want to be able to travel a lot one day.

4. Who would you take with you on this little adventure? My family.

5. What would you say is the most daring thing to do in a lifetime? That’s going to be different for everyone of course, but basically something that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Conquering a fear.

6. Would you ever do that? I don’t know. 

7. Have you ever done crossword puzzles? Yeah. I much prefer word searches, though.

8. Ever actually completed one? Yeah.

9. Pick up the closest book and write a sentence at random from it. There isn’t a book near me.

10. Do the same with a lyric from either a cd or the radio. Nah.

11. Have you ever tried to analyze your own dreams? Yeah, many times. I’ve tried to look up what some things symbolize and what it might mean for me. 

12. Would you put up posters in your room? Yeah. I have some things hung up. 

13. Can you sing? I can’t sing well at all. I wish.

14. Do you ever sing to yourself while doing everyday tasks? Yes.

15. What's your favorite color of post-it note? Pink.

16. How many cassette tapes do you own? Zero.

17. How many cd's do you own? I don’t have any CDs anymore.

18. Ever bought a cd for just one song? I probably have. 

19. What would your perfect day consist of? Beach days are nice. Or since it’s winter, renting a cozy cabin in the snow sounds lovely.

20. Have you ever lied to get off the phone or out of talking to someone online? Yes.

21. Have you ever written a survey? Once. It was several years ago during the Xanga days. I wish I still had it saved.

22. How about a song? If so share it. No.

23. Or maybe a poem? If so share it or one of them. I dabbled with poetry when I was 16. I am definitely not sharing one, they’re super cringey.

24. Is your vcr flashing 12:00 all the time? I don’t have a VCR. Wow, cassette tapes and VCRs how old is this survey?

25. Do you read your horoscope? No.

26. If so, do you base your day on it? No, I’ve never been into astrology. I used to read it when I was younger like in an magazine, but it was always just for fun.

27. Would you rather chew gum or use mouthwash and why? Chew gum. Mouthwash is way too strong to me and I find it irritating for my mouth and yeah it’s just not a pleasant experience.

28. Do you floss? No. :X

29. Are you addicted to napster like me? Okay, now you’ve mentioned Napster so this survey is super old. Napster was like late 90s and early 2000s. 

30. How many times a year about are you sick? I rarely get things like a cold, which I find interesting because I feel like my immune system is crap, but I feel sick and crappy often for other reasons.

31. Ever been in an airplane? Yes, a few times.

32. If so where were you flying to? Georgia and back and to Disneyland and back.

33. What radio station to you listen to most? It’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio.

34. What color are your shoes? I wear my black Adidas the most.

35. Was fuzzy wuzzy a bear? He was. He had no hair, though, so he wasn’t actually fuzzy.

36. Do you know how to play dominos? I’ve never really played.

37. Or do you think I just mean pizza by that? No, I know what dominos are.

38. Speaking of pizza, what's your favorite kind? (toppings and/or place to get it from) My favorite is from this local place. I like to get white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, crumbled meatballs, garlic, spinach, and pesto and olive oil drizzles. I’ve been really craving that lately.

39. What color are your eyes? Brown.

40. How many surveys have you filled out this lifetime? Oh pffffft, I am not even going to attempt to figure that out. There’s no way I could. I’ve been doing surveys for so long and sadly so many of them are gone because they were done on Myspace and Xanga. :(

41. Describe your bedroom, include all details. Okay, you want details? Here we go...

It’s small and has way too much stuff. For one thing, there’s giraffe stuffed animals all over, including a 4 ft one in the corner. There’s a dresser by the window that has my TV and Christmas decorations on it. To the right of that is a 6-cube shelf with some of the aforementioned giraffe stuffed animals as well as giraffe knickknacks, some coloring books and coloring supplies, a mini Christmas tree on top, a few more giraffe stuffed animals, a nice picture frame with my dog, Brandie, who passed away, and my BB8 droid I made at Disneyland. Above the shelf is an I Love Lucy wall clock. My closest is nearby and is full of medical supplies, 3-drawer file thing with random stuff I insist on holding onto, my shoes, and all my jackets and sweatshirts. To the left of my dresser is my bookshelf with a lot of books and other figurines and knickknacks of various things I like and hey surprise, surprise, more giraffe stuffed animals! Across from the bookshelf and dresser is my bed, which is also my desk cause I keep my laptop on it, my chargers, my phone, a coloring book, a couple packs of colored pencils, my Bible study stuff, my remotes, and my Nintendo Switch. I have a pile of clothes, too, cause dresser and closet are too full. I have like 8 throw pillows, a body pillow, a back pillow, and a couple actual pillows. I have a few stuffed animals that sit on my bed as well, which are a huge squishmallow giraffe, a small squishmallow pug, a small squishmallow Dumbo, a small squishmallow Baby Yoda/Grogu, and a Baby Yoda/Grogu plushie. To the right of my bed is a TV tray that has my bottles of water, my medicine and pill crusher, a box of straws, a glass, a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, chapstick, my wallet, a Zip-loc bag with half a glazed donut and half a chocolate one, and a small bag of shortbread cookies. Behind the TV tray is my 3-drawer bedside table, which has a makeup storage thing on it that I plan on cleaning out and getting rid of cause I don’t wear makeup anymore and could use that space for something else, a bottle of lotion, a couple little room sprays from B&BW, and a jewelry tray. Hung up on my walls around the room are a few giraffe framed paintings, a couple beachy canvas paintings, two Alexander Skarsgard calendars, a bulletin board with various stuff pinned to it, and a marker board. There’s also a hamper in here, a floor lamp, a ceiling fan/light, two fans, and an ottoman.

42. Name one person your life is made better by. My mom. She’s my best friend. 

44. How about someone else's? Huh?

45. Can you do math with ease? Ha, noooo. Me and math never got along.

46. What size is your computer screen? It’s 13.3 inches.

47. If you could only talk to one person online who would that be? Someone from the survey community on here.

48. Name your favorite type of music and why. I like a variety of music--various genres and decades.

49. Are you a vegetarian? No.

50. How about an aspiring actor/actress? Not at all.

51. What famous person dead or alive would you interview if you had the chance? Alexander Skarsgard.

52. Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors? There’s a lot of movies I could do that with. I try not to cause it gets annoying, but it happens.

53. Name one of your passions in life. I don’t know. :/

54. What's your least favorite time of day? Evening time.

55. Who's your favorite member in a band, singer, guitarist, bassist, drummer, and why? The singer, typically.

56. Do you use hairspray or gel? I use neither.

57. Describe your favorite meal. Wingstop’s boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings. I also really enjoy my nightly bowl of ramen.

58. What color is the inside of your head when you close your eyes? Black.

59. Ever listen to classical music? Not typically, but it is nice.

60. Have you ever said lol in real life without thinking about it? No.

61. Do you find you use internet language when writing notes irl? I use “wtf, “wth”, “omg”, and “lol.” 

62. What songs would be on your ideal cd? Like I said, I like variety, so a mix of songs.

63. Say one thing you've learned today. Nothing, really.

64. What is the best present you've ever given someone else? I don’t know.

65. What is the best present someone else has ever given to you? I’ve been given many nice gifts throughout my life. I’m appreciative of all the gifts I’ve received.

66. So hey, what's your full name? Stephanie is all you need to know.

67. Describe yourself while drunk. I was chatty and annoying.

68. How big are the windows in your house? Regular, common size? .

69. Do you wear a watch? Nope.

70. What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done with someone else? Nothing.

71. What's the largest age difference between you and someone you've dated? Just a year.

72. How many mirrors do you have? Just one in my room.

73. Write one sentence stating what you want people to say about you after you've passed on. I don’t know, man.

74. Have you ever sailed? Nope.

75. How fast can you run? I used to be able to go pretty fast, but not now. I don’t have the upper body strength or energy I used to have.

76. What do you believe in? I believe in God.

77. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Not long at all. I just change clothes, quickly do something with my hair, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, put on my shoes, and then grab my bag and mask and go. And a coat if needed.

78. Do you shower daily? If not how often? No, I shower 3-4 times a week.

79. What one thing would you change in your life if you had the power to do so? I’d make it so I had good health.

80. Describe the ideal superpower and what you would do if you had it. Teleportation. I’d travel all over.

81. Are candles romantic or a fire hazard? They can be both.

82. Name something you've done in the last 24hrs no matter how big or small. I had coffee and donuts. Exciting stuff.

83. Do you wear necklaces, bracelets, anklets, earrings, rings? I haven’t worn any in awhile.

84. What colors are you wearing right now? Just black.

85. How often do you change the sheets on your bed? Twice a month.

86. Have you ever gotten lost? Not alone, thankfully, but yeah.

87. What's on your computer desk? I mentioned in the question about my room that my bed is also my desk and I listed the things on it.

88. How many folders are on your desktop at the present moment? Zero.

89. When your talking do you ever use your hands to do quotation marks in the air when saying certain words? Sometimes, if I find it necessary to do so.

90. Which landmark would you climb if you could? None.

91. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I read the Chicken Soup For The Soul books when I was younger but that's it. <<< Same.

92. Ever seriously questioned your sanity? Yes. 93. Can you breakdance? No.

94. What's in your fridge right now? Food and drinks. I’m tired from listing everything in that room description question lol.

95. How many people do you live with? I live with 3 people and a doggo.

96. Have you or would you ever do anything more than kiss in a public area? No.

97. What is the strangest thing you've ever done? Uhhh. I don’t know.

98. Name an instrument you've never played but would like to. Guitar.

99. Have you ever been on tv or the radio? Myself, as well as my story, was on TV after my accident happened. 

100. What is the worst thing anyone could ever do to you? Physically hurt me.

101. Are you a fast typer? Yes.

102. How high have you counted before getting bored? I don’t know, but probably not very high. I probably would get to 100 and be over it.

103. Describe how you sleep. (ie. your position and/or how you fall asleep) I sleep slightly propped up and turned to my left side. I have indigestion and post-nasal drip issues, so I can’t sleep flat. I have a whole nighttime routine consists of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR until I feel tired enough to fall asleep.

104. Are you straight, bi, gay? I’m straight.

105. Do you ever do something else while on the computer? If so what? Sometimes I’m watching TV.

106. What is the most expensive item you own? My MacBook Air.

107. How about the least expensive? My little knickknacks.

109. What do you do online? Check my social medias, watch YouTube, scroll through Tumblr, and do surveys.

110. Name some stores you've bought clothes in before. Boxlunch, Hot Topic, Kohl’s, JCP, Target, H&M, Macy’s, Forever 21... those are a few that come to mind.

111. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? I struggled with mythology. I just couldn’t get into it, so that definitely didn’t help, and it was hard to follow.

112. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yeah. Whenever that happens I jump on Google and read up on it afterwards. 

113. Do people pick up your slang language more than you pick up theirs? I pick up lingo from others most often. 

114. Are you easily influenced by other people, or current trends? No, I wouldn’t say that.

115. What makes you unique in your own opinion? I don’t feel very unique.

116. Name your worst quality. Where to start... .

117. Name your best. I like that I’m open-minded.

118. What would you like to do with your life? I need to get myself together and figure that out.

119. Do you blowdry your hair? Nah.

120. How many clocks are in your house? We have like 3 wall clocks and there’s digital clocks throughout the house on appliances and electronics.

121. Are they all set on the same time? The phones and electronics are. The others are a few minutes fast. My parents set their digital clock like 15 minutes fast.

122. Have you ever intentionally set a clock ahead or behind the actual time? Like I said, we set some of them a few minutes ahead.

123. What do you think about when you first wake up in the morning? "What time is it?"

124. Which browser do you use? Google Chrome.

125. Do you bite your nails? Ugh, I don’t bite them but I pick and clip at them with clippers constantly. 

126. Would you ever leave little notes to your gf/bf? Sure, I think that’s cute.

127. Ever been to a farm? Yes.

128. Tell me about your dream last night. I don't remember. I rarely ever do. What typically happens is I’ll remember when I first get up, but then it like vanishes. My dreams are like Snapchat. If only there was an option to save or screenshot them like Snapchat.

129. Ever seen a shooting star? No, actually.

130. Say one thing about yourself you've never told anyone. Uhhhh. I’m so boring, I can’t think of something interesting to share.

131. Do your days fly by or seem to last forever? It often seems like the days go by slow, but then before I know it it’s already been a whole week again and I’m like wtf it was just Monday? That’s how the years tend to feel, too. There’s definitely some days that just really seem draaaaag, though. And there’s something about January that always feels super long. 

132. Have you ever stayed in a fancy high class rich hotel? Yes. 133. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? No.

134. What in your opinion is the best advertising slogan out there? If they get stuck in your head then they’re doing something right. It’s gotta be catchy. Jingles work well.

135. When they start sending rockets to the moon for us civilians, will you be on the list to go? Noooo, absolutely not.

136. How are you feeling right now? Tired, kinda hungry, and lonely.

137. Have you ever written anything on your skin? Yeah.

138. If so what? Random stuff. That was something a lot of people seemed to do in like middle school and high school for some reason.

139. Which website do you frequent most often? Tumblr and YouTube.

140. What color are most of your clothes? Black.

141. Do you own any plants? Nope.

142. Are things as bad as they seem? They sure seem bad to me.

143. Describe the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you. My mom is amazing. She’s sacrificed so much. I’m 31 years old and require aid with some things and here she is still taking care of me and doing so much for me on top of working a full-time job, being a caregiver for a family friend as well, taking care of us as a family and of things at home, and she very rarely has anytime for herself. She’s spread very thin and works so hard and yeah I just could never thank her enough. She’s the absolute best and I would be so lost without her. I couldn’t keep going if it weren’t for her.

144. Ever looked directly at the sun? Yes.

145. Have you ever made a pin hole camera to watch the eclipse? No.

146. What's your favorite cereal? All the main sugary ones, ha.

147. Who do you miss? My loved ones who have passed away.

148. Name something you just can't forget no matter how hard you try. Uh, a lot of things. My mind doesn’t like me to forget things like that. It likes to remind me of them often. Things like that hit at random times as well, like my brain will be like, ‘hey remember when...’ and I’m like, ‘ugh, yes I remember you won’t let me forget.’

149. Describe the worst fight you've ever been in whether physical or verbal. I’ve never been in a physical fight, but there were some verbal ones. I don’t want to get into them right now.

150. Say something else about yourself you've never told anyone before. Noooo. 

[avengerscompound]

Legacy - Chapter 1

Legacy: A Hawkeye Fanfic

Series Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x  F!Reader

Word Count:  1678

Rating:  E

Square filled:   @marvelfluffbingo - Single Parent AU

Warnings:  Pregnancy, domestic abuse, post-endgame, angst, developing-relationship, hurt/comfort, smut, Laura and Clint have broken up.  Comic Clint/MCU Clint mix.

Synopsis:  Nothing is the same after the events of Endgame.  When Clint has trouble returning to a life where his family hasn’t changed but he has lost everything, he moves back to the city and tries to move on as a single parent. When Nate finds you bruised and pregnant in the stairwell of his building, he decides that there might be another way that he can make Nat’s sacrifice worth something.

Chapter One

It was Nate that had spotted you first.  Of course, Clint knew you’d lived in the building.  He owned it after all.  A lot of things had changed since the battle with Thanos that had brought everyone back.  It was supposed to have fixed everything.  He was supposed to go home and have a happy life with his wife and his kids and everything would be okay.

It wasn’t.

He was different and the problem was, Laura was exactly the same while he’d spent five years on a world wild killing spree.  He’d wanted to die for it.  Only instead it was Nat.  Nat had died so that the rest of her family could live and he couldn’t just settle and give her that.

It should have been him.

The problem was that Laura was still the amazing, caring, supportive person she’d always been.  She never lost him or the kids.  She never had to see Natasha fall to her death.  She didn’t carry the burden of all of this.  He didn’t feel worthy of her.  Or of Nat saving him to go home to her.  He was dirty and … and …

He missed Nat.

God, he missed her every day.  If she was there maybe she could have stopped him acting like a fucking dumbass at home.  Maybe she would have slapped him over the back of the head and called him an idiot for shutting Laura out the way he did.

She wasn’t though and he did and in the end, he’d left.  He didn’t want to keep hurting her.  That was two years ago.  Since then he’d bought this building in Bed-Stuy.  He had joint custody of the kids.  God, Laura had been too good about it.  Lila and Cooper weren’t even technically his kids but she didn’t keep them from him.  He honestly didn’t know what he’d ever done to deserve having her in his life in the first place.  Which was why it hadn’t worked he guessed.

So he has the apartment, the kids every second weekend and for part of the school holidays, he still got on okay with Laura, he had a dog, he managed the building and the girl who had taken over the name Hawkeye when he retired came by every week or so to be mentored or… something.  Maybe it was just to make sure he took care of himself when the kids weren't there.

He still missed Nat.

You and your boyfriend lived two floors down from his place.  He saw him more than you.  Something about the guy always seemed to sit wrong with Clint.  Like he was the kind of guy who kicked puppies and stole lunch money.  Not that he had evidence he was anything other than polite.  Clint was the landlord, people were polite cause they didn't want to be evicted.

You, he saw less.  He had known you were pregnant.  He had also noticed the bruises.  He'd asked once how you'd gotten one on your arm and the story was so weird and unlikely he just assumed it was true.  Something about a guy dressed as Darth Vader on the subway.  He was a bruise magnet himself so he’d just assumed you must be too.

Now that he saw you sitting on the steps, your eye swollen, trying to stop yourself from crying so as not to upset the little boy who had just come in the front door and run over to see if you’d hurt yourself, he realized he was a huge fucking idiot.

“Did you fall?  You need some help?”  Nate asked in his small innocent voice.  You wiped your eyes and gave a strained smile.  Your eyes were puffy from crying but the left was also starting to swell shut.  That mixed with an array of bruises up your arm put Clint into immediate fight mode.  He looked up and down the hall for the asshole who thought beating on women - pregnant women at that - was fun.

“Yeah, sweetie.  Just a fall.  I’ll be okay.”  You said.

Lila looked at Clint and frowned.  “Dad?”

“I know, honey,”  He said.  “You and Coop take Nate upstairs.  I’ll be up when I can.”

She nodded and came and took Nate’s hand while Cooper grabbed the lead from Clint and they all made their way upstairs.  When he was sure they were gone he came and sat beside you on the steps.

“Where is he?”  He asked.

You shook your head.  “In the apartment.  He locked me out.”

“I can go throw him out if you like.”

You shook your head again, a look of absolute terror on your face.  “He’d kill you.”

“He’s welcome to try, but tougher guys than him have failed,”  Clint replied.  He turned to you and looked you over.  “What do you want to do?”

“I - I don’t…”  You finally raised your eyes to meet his.  “He got dusted you know?  I thought I was free to form him.  I moved away.  I got a job.  I was happy and then… they came back and… and I mean, that’s good.  Except he did too and he found me and I was right back here again.”

Clint wanted to hold you.  Or at least take your hand and tell you it was going to be okay.  That he would be the person he had needed when he was a child.  He felt guilty too.  It was partially due to him that everyone had come back.  He wouldn’t change it, but he’d never thought about the fact that bringing people back might mean making life worse for people.  He held back though.  You and he were practically strangers and you had a guy who was fine with laying hands on you when you didn’t want him to.  He didn’t want to add to that.  “I’m sorry.”  He said softly.  “I think we should call the cops.”

“I tried once.  He told them some story and they believed him.”  You said.

“We’ll now you have an ex-Avenger backing you up.”  He said.  “Here’s what I think we can do.  We go upstairs, call the cops.  Get him arrested.  While they’re processing him, we go get your stuff and move it up to the apartment near mine.  Then we get a restraining order and work at having him serve time.”

You looked up at him with such hope and fear.  “I don’t want to be with him but if death can’t keep him away…”

“Then I will.  I’m an Avenger.”  He said.

“Ex -”

“Ex-Avenger.”  He said with a nod.  “Trust me, okay.  I spent half my life keeping people safe.  This is what I do.”

You ran your hand over the small swell of your stomach and nodded.  “Okay.”

He led you upstairs and called the cops while Lila doted over you, making you tea and bringing you ice for your eye.  Nate brought you some of his toys to show you and Clint watched as you listened to all his little stories intently.  It made his heartbreak that little bit more for you.  You were going to be a great mom, but the choice you now had was, do it alone or with that fucker downstairs.

When the cops came he sat quietly and listened to you tell your story.  After the arrest was made he even took you to the station so you could press charges, leaving Cooper in charge.  God, the fact Cooper was both old enough to babysit while at the same time five years younger than he should be was something he still had trouble thinking about.  He felt both too old and yet somehow things weren’t at the place they should be.

When you got home the two of you ordered a pizza for the kids and while they waited for it, he took you downstairs to grab your things from the apartment.

"I don’t know how I’m gonna do this.  I don’t have any savings.  I don’t have a job.”  You said as you pulled down a suitcase.

“We’ll move you next door.  You can stay there until you figure yourself out.  Don’t worry about the rent or the utilities.”  Clint said.

“I couldn’t let you do that.”  You said.

“Yes, you can.  It’s my building.  I can let anyone I want to live here.”  He said.

You sighed as you shoved clothes into a bag.  “Most of this stuff isn’t mine.  I don’t even have any furniture.”

“Hey, trust me, I know exactly how you feel right now.  Sometimes taking the beating and knowing is better than escaping it and not.  You can stay with me for a while.  You can take the bed.  I’ll sleep on the couch.  I know people.  I might be able to get you work, while you still can.  Shit, you can run the books on the building if you want.  We can find second-hand furniture.  I might even have Nate’s old crib back at his mom’s and his old baby stuff.  You aren’t alone right now.”

You stopped and looked at him, sizing him up.  “Why are you doing this?  You don’t even know me.  I could be anyone.  You have kids to worry about.”

He smiled sadly.  “I told you.  I’ve been there.”  He said.  “Besides, I think I’m a pretty good judge of character.  My best friend…”   He stopped, he didn’t think he had it in him to talk about Nat.  Not now.  Not like this.  He shook his head.  “I got told to kill Thor one time, and I knew that was the wrong choice.”

“Thank you, Mister Barton,”  You said not meeting his eyes.  “I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you for this.”

“Just… get away from him.  You deserve to be safe.  So does your baby.”  Clint said.  “And call me Clint.  I don’t even know who Mister Barton is, but it’s not me.”

You chuckled and nodded.  “Okay, Clint.  Thank you.”

Clint nodded and grabbed a couple of your packed bags.  While he still worried for you, and he was sure that wouldn’t pass anytime soon, it did feel good to know he was still able to help people who needed it.

// NEXT

[trvelyans-archive]

for @goblin-deity, pollux and ortega being cute via text because writing fics that include text conversation is my fave thing ever <3 i hope you enjoy this lovely owen !!!

---

It’s rainy season in Los Diablos, and today is no exception. Occasionally a gust of wind sends the tools on your shelves rattling, and though the sound of you working on your armor drowns out the worst of the noise, it’s hard to ignore the constant flickering of the albeit dim overhead lights and the creaking of your base around you, threatening to collapse underneath the pressure of the wind and rain at any second.

You sit back on your heels with a sigh, wiping a bead of sweat from your forehead, and examine your handiwork. It’s been a learning experience to figure out how to repair your own armor – there’s a million different components to consider – but you’re definitely starting to get a better hang of it, and it looks almost just as good as it would if Mortum had done it. You lean down to pick up your wrench again when you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and you stick a hand inside to fish it out. Of course it’s Ortega, and of course he sent you five messages in a row without realizing how irritating that is. You frown and stand up, opening your phone as you pad towards your workbench, hoisting yourself on top of it as you read.

Ortega: Hey, Pollux, what are you doing tonight?

Lux?

If you’re alive, blink twice.

Sorry, that was supposed to be a joke but you probably won’t find it funny.

Anyway, text me when you get these. I’m trying to be rational but I’m also 50% convinced your lying in a ditch somewhere so… yeah. Give me a call, will you?

You bite your lip, quickly typing out a response you hope will annoy him and hitting send.

You: *you’re

You’re about to put your phone down and get back to work when Ortega replies.

Ortega: Hey :)

You: You’re just going to ignore me correcting your spelling like that?

Ortega: I don’t really care. How are you? Are you okay?

Before you can reply, another couple messages come in. You roll your eyes as you read them, biting back the smile spreading across your face.

Ortega: Love you.

Hope you’ve been doing well.

You: You’re turning into such a romantic.

Ortega from eight years ago wouldn’t believe this with his own eyes.

Ortega: He was a self-absorbed jackass.

You: You’re saying that like you aren’t still a self-absorbed jackass.

Ortega: I like to think I’m less of both, but fair enough, I guess. How are you, really?

You: Busy.

Ortega: Mmmm. I love it when you talk dirty.

You: I’m going to throw my phone into the ocean.

Ortega: No, I was just kidding!

You: What if I did it anyway?

Ortega: :(  

You laugh, running a hand through your hair and pulling it out of its ponytail as you tap out another response.

You: I won’t for now. Did you have a reason for annoying me today or were you just bored?

Ortega: Are you ever going to stop being so caustic?

You: Ooo, fancy word. Did you have to look up synonyms for ‘asshole’ to find it, or…

Ortega: That’s not what I meant, and that’s also not what I thought it meant. My aunt said it to my mom a couple weeks ago and I’ve been trying to work it into conversation.

You: You’re hopeless.

Ortega: Hopelessly in love with you, maybe.

Groaning, you consider smashing your phone with a hammer, or perhaps dousing it in acid, but instead decide to give in and play whatever game he’s secretly challenging you to. You’ll get the best of him. You always do.

Most of the time, anyway.

Besides, if you don’t have a phone to text him with, he’ll probably end up tracking you down and kidnap you to his apartment to play board games and eat cheese bread and watch movies. At least talking on the phone staves off his undying desire for quality time a little.

Not that you’re entirely opposed to it, but… you have better things you could be doing. Like right now, for instance. Your villain armor is hanging open in your workshop, begging you to crawl inside and fine-tune the HUD, and instead you’re wiping your fingers on a dirty rag so you don’t get oil on your phone screen when you message Ortega back.

You: Shut up.

Or I’ll throw my phone out.

Ortega: You keep saying that, and yet here you are, still texting me…

You: Do you want me to do it, then?

Ortega: No, of course not.

Sometimes it feels like we talk in circles. We had this conversation already. Let’s move on to another one! :)

What are you doing tonight?

You: Being busy.

Ortega: Creative excuse, I like it.

:)

Seriously, though. You have any plans?

You: Depends who’s asking.

Ortega: ???

You: I know it’s you texting me, idiot. It’s just a thing that people say.

Ortega: Oh, I thought…

Sorry. Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Are you going to answer my question?

You: I’m doing nothing tonight.

Ortega: Do you mean actually nothing or nothing you’re going to tell me about?

You: Neither. Both. Get to the point.

Ortega: You should come over.

You keep telling me you’re busy lately, and I get that – well, I don’t, not really, but I pretend to so I don’t piss you off – but I miss you.

I’ll pay for the cab.

You: Have you looked outside, Ortega?

Ortega: I have a change of clothes here at my house with your name on it.

You: I bet you bought the wrong size.

Ortega: I didn’t.

I asked Argent what size she thought you were and got it. They’re PJs, and they’re comfy, I promise. I’m pretty sure they’re silk, but don’t quote me on that.

They have little lightning bolts on them.

I thought you’d look cute wearing them.

;)

You: Don’t tell me you got me fluffy socks too…

Ortega: I was tempted, but you’d probably end up tripping on them.

You: Asshole.

Ortega: I just mean because your feet are so small!

You: Still, asshole.

Ortega: Come on, Pollux. I bet hanging out at my place would be better than doing nothing wherever you are…

(Where are you???)

You: Did you get yourself a pair of matching PJs?

You wait for half a minute before Ortega starts typing again. It’s a picture this time, though, not a text, and even though it’s about as blurry as a picture could be, you can faintly make out the tight lightning-bolt printed shirt he’s wrangled over his shoulders.

What an idiot. What a dork. Your heart feels like it’s going to burst open in your chest and you clear your throat to compose yourself even though he isn’t even around to notice.

Asshole.

You: You just put mine on, didn’t you?

Ortega: Maybe. I’ll wear the top, you wear the bottoms. Sound like a plan?

You: You’re not going to convince me that easy.

Ortega: Okay, fine. You wear the top, I’ll wear the bottoms. Or I’ll wear none. Or we can both wear none. Is that better?

You: Go to Hoots or something if you’re this horny.

Ortega: Jeez, way to just come out and say it like that!

You: You’re not denying it.

Ortega: I didn’t care to. That’s not why I texted you, though.

That’s just an added bonus.

You: There was a perfect opportunity for a joke in there.

Ortega: I know, and I almost said it, but I thought maybe you’d kill me through the screen.

You: I’m tempted anyway, so that couldn’t have made it much worse.

Ortega: Is there anything I can say to convince you to come over?

You lean back against the wall and tap your tongue against the roof of your mouth, thinking it over. You’ve done a lot of work today, all things considered, and you could use a break.

You: I don’t know. What do you think?

Ortega: Maybe I could send you a picture?

You let out a huff of breath and squirm slightly where you sit, flattening your hand against your thigh as you consider your reply.

You: Don’t tell me you’re just going to find a picture on the internet and send it to me…

Ortega: I’m perfectly proud of what I’m packing, thank you very much.

Besides, you’d know if it wasn’t mine. Don’t think I forgot the good look you took at it last time you saw it…

;)

You: Those are some big words, Ricardo…

Ortega: I can let you in on a couple other big things.

You: Ugh. Smug asshole.

You grit your teeth.

Imagine if Tia Elena heard you talking like this.

Ortega: Please don’t bring up Mama when I’m trying to sext you.

You: I thought you were trying to get me to come over.

Ortega: I was, but I didn’t think you were going to change your mind.

Are you?

You: Maybe if you convince me.

Ortega: Do you want my face in the picture?

You let out a laugh and hop down from the workbench, carefully tip-toeing around the scattered tools on the ground as you head for the rickety couch in the corner of the room with your eyes trained on your phone.

You: Like you could bend like that, old man.

Ortega: I could for you.

You: I don’t want your broken back or your hospital bills on my conscience. You gonna send the picture or not?

Ortega: Mmm. Impatient, are we?

You: If you’re not going to send it I can just get back to work…

Ortega: No, no, I’ll send it, hang on.

You wait impatiently with his chat screen open as you settle in on the couch, ignoring the temptation to start rubbing your thighs together. You’re not pathetic enough to start getting yourself off before Ortega even sends a picture, and you’re not even sure if it’s going to be good enough to get you horny, too, so you don’t want to warm yourself up for nothing.

It’s weird how normal it’s become to have this sort of relationship with Ortega. When you were Sidestep, you dreamt about it too much and too strongly to be anything but embarrassed by it, and now that it’s real you can barely believe it sometimes. Sure, things have changed – you’ve changed, too, more than anything – but you can’t deny that it makes you feel a little bit like your younger self. What you could’ve been, maybe.

What you can’t be anymore. But you’re going to push those thoughts out of your head right now.

You zoned out staring at the wall, and when your phone buzzes in your hand you practically jump half a foot in the air. You’re still not used to someone having such easy access to talking to you, and you’re certainly not used to having your phone on vibrate (you had it on mute for a long time before Ortega called you drunk and on the verge of tears one night thinking you had died because you didn’t answer). You take a breath before looking down at the screen and yup, there it is, Ortega’s cock in high definition.  

Ortega: You like?

;)

You definitely do, but you didn’t have enough time to appreciate it.

You: The picture is good but your follow-up messages basically just turned me completely off.

Ortega: :(

You’re kidding, right? It took me so long to take that picture.

You: Don’t want it all to be for nothing?

Ortega: I do text my mom with this phone, you know.

Jesus, why am I talking about my mom when I’m trying to jack off?

You’re killing me, Pollux.

Don’t you know it.

You take a longer look at the picture before replying. At the bottom of the screen, you can just make out Ortega’s hand wrapped around himself, and you know for a fact it’s just because he wants to show off how big his cock is in comparison to his fingers. You stifle a smile and bite your lip, giving in and sliding a hand in between your legs. You don’t move it, and you don’t take your pants off or anything, either. You just leave it there, waiting, wondering.

You: Send a video?

Ortega: Christ. Okay.

Gimme a minute.

You: Mmm.

Ortega: Don’t send me that ‘mmm’. I’m trying to save myself for when you come over.

You: Oh, you think I’m coming over now, do you?

Ortega: Definitely. Wait until you hear the noises I’m making in this video if you’re not already convinced.

You: Are you done?

Ortega: Yeah, I’m just watching it again to make sure it’s good.

You: Jesus.

Ortega: I want to make sure it gets you going!

You: Using the exclamation point made it 100% less likely for you to ‘get me going’.

Ortega: You’re mean.

Here I am baring my soul for you and you don’t even care.

You: I care about this video you haven’t sent yet.

Ortega: It’s sending! It’s very long.

You: …

Ortega: I meant the video.

You: Sure you did.

Your phone buzzes as the video finally comes in and you look at the door to your workshop to make sure it’s closed and locked. You don’t know who would come in, but whoever they could be you want to make sure they can’t. You turn your volume all the way up and sink lower against the arm of the couch, turning up your phone brightness until the reflected light of Ortega’s virtual cock slants against the wall behind you.

It’s an obscene video, of course. If he sent this to his mother she’d probably exorcise him, but you enjoy it, in any case. It feels a little stupid, though, to hear him whispering your name into his phone’s speaker, to hear the crackling of the recording as you hold your phone closer to your face to get a better look at it. It’s a good video – you’re not denying that – but it certainly isn’t as efficient as it would be for you to just… go over, maybe, and see it all in person.

Ortega: Did it send?

You: Yeah.

Ortega: Well?

You: You said you’ll pay for the cab?

Ortega: Pollux, I’d pay for a private jet if that’s what it took for you to come over right now.

You glance at the clock on the wall. If you call a cab now, you can be at Ortega’s in 45 minutes.

You: I’ll be there in an hour.

Ortega: :(

Well I’ll be waiting. Should I put my clothes back on?

You: You took ALL your clothes off?

Ortega: …

I was excited.

You: Hmm.

Ortega: Pollux…

No. Leave them off.

Ortega: Your wish is my command.

But hurry, please.

You lock the door to your workshop behind you as you rush to change into something a little cleaner before the cab gets here. A black hoodie with a blue long-sleeve t-shirt underneath, some loose sweatpants that you don’t bother tying up all the way. You’ll be lucky if you even have time to stumble to his bedroom and take your clothes off when you finally get there, to be honest. You’re probably barely going to be able to make it through the front door.

You hurry to climb inside the cab when it arrives, and you swear nothing in the world has ever felt longer than the ride to Ortega’s.

[queenmylovely]

Just My Luck; Part 13

Summary: John deacon x fem!reader. Snapshots of John and Reader through the greater part of the first year of them being together 

Warnings: cussing (what’s new?), fluff city with like one sentence of angst

Word Count: 6k

A/N: Alright, so apparently I don’t know how to write short things so this is the first part of the “epilogue,” which are really snapshots of John and Reader’s life together. This starts where Part 12 left off, no days have passed. Under the second bolded section, all of the events occur within the same month but there are jumps and skips to different days. As always, I hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback through likes, replies, and reblogs! Thank you!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 14 (Epilogue), Masterlist

What the boys wear to the launch party (picture from them in Japan)

🍀🍀🍀

October 5, 1976; Your Birthday

A couple of hours later, you heard the front door unlocking and shot up. The two of you had been lying together dozing and had completely forgotten to get redressed, or the fact that almost all of your clothes were in the living room at the moment.

“Fuck,” you whispered violently.

“What’s happening?” John said groggily; he had been practically asleep on your chest and your sudden movement disoriented him.

Pushing him the rest of the way off of you, you ran over to your door and grabbed the robe you had hanging from the back of it. Hastily, you answered him, “Um, Jeanne’s just gotten back and our clothes are still out there and she hasn’t met you and I wasn’t expecting you, so just stay here for a second, I’ll be right back,” before running into the living room and leaving him confused.

“Oh you look comfy. Did you take a bath-?” Jeanne started as she saw your robe, but cut herself off when she saw the clothes strewn about the room. Dropping her voice quickly she asked, “Is there someone here? Did you sleep with someone? I mean, fuck, what a birthday present for yourself.”

“Jeanne!” you whispered back sharply, hitting her lightly on the shoulder. “You’re going to have to be really cool for the next few minutes. I’m going to take these clothes back into my room, get dressed, and then bring John to meet you.”

At the mention of his name, Jeanne’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. She took a few shaky breaths before squeaking out, “He’s here?”

It had been one thing to give you advice on the abstract idea of John Deacon, bassist for Queen. She mainly pretended that he was just any regular guy, but the thought of meeting him in person was overwhelming.

“Are they all here?” she asked breathlessly, trying to look into your room through your closed door. “Yes, Jeanne. I fucked them all at once. We had a Queen + Y/N orgy,” you said, voice reeking of sarcasm. “Of course not, you ridiculous being, just John’s here. Now, get it together before I come back out.”

You went back into your room, throwing Johnny his clothes and pulling on your own.

“Okay, so Jeanne’s out there. She might be a little nervous but I’m sure it’ll be fine,” you let him know.

“She’s nervous? I’m the one that has to meet the best friend for the first time!” he shot back, blushing and frantically putting his clothes back on.

“Oh, don’t worry, she’ll love you. She loves Queen and she loves me so it’s a logical extension,” you coaxed. You grabbed his hand and gave him a quick peck before saying, “Here we go!” and opening the door.

Jeanne was standing by the couch awkwardly, trying not to look like she had been staring at the door as you came out.

You let go of John’s hand and walked over to grab Jeanne’s. Pulling her back towards John then letting her go you said, “Jeanne, this is John. John this is Jeanne.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, John,” Jeanne practically whispered, barely looking at him as she shook his hand.

“You as well, Jeanne. You can call me Deaky,” he told her with a nice smile.

“When we met you didn’t say to call you Deaky,” you pointed out, pouting slightly.

“When we met you already had a nickname you had been using for years. Johnny has been around a lot longer than Deaky has,” he reminded.

“Oh, then I guess it’s okay,” you said with a mix of embarrassment and pride.

“So, are you going to join us for dinner tonight, Jo- Deaky?” Jeanne asked, trying to make conversation.

“If Y/N’s mother, yourself, and Y/N don’t mind the intrusion, I’d be honored,” John replied, looking between the two of you.

“Of course we don’t mind, I’m sure Y/N’s mom will be so excited to meet you. Then we can all compare notes,” Jeanne said, gaining some of her usual confidence back.

“Wait, what? It’s my birthday, shouldn’t I be allowed to live?” you protested, earning laughs from the other two.

“You’ll be fine, I’m sure. Let me just call the restaurant and tell them we’ll have four instead of three,” Jeanne said, walking into the kitchen to do so. Calling over her shoulder she teased, “Now don’t you kids get up to anything while I’m gone!”

As she walked away, you turned to John, “See? That went well. You can take a deep breath now.”

“That’s not going to be possible until after I meet your mom and it goes well,” John told you with a shaky smile.

“She might not really know who Queen is, but she’ll love you regardless. Because you love me,” you reassured.

It proved true. The three of you met your mom at the restaurant, and you introduced her to John, “Mom, this is John, John this is my mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N.” John said with a nervous smile.

“Please, you can call me April. It’s great to meet you too, John, or can I call you Deaky?” she replied with a knowing look back.

Both your and John’s eyes snapped to Jeanne who just shrugged and said, “We talked for a bit on the phone while you guys were getting ready.”

Leave it to your best friend to gossip about you to your mom.

Once the four of you were seated at the table and had ordered your drinks and food, Jeanne and your mom started with the questions.

“So, Deaky,” your mom started, “I know you’re a great, big rockstar or so these girls tell me, but is that all you do?”

“I bet there’s something great and big about him,” Jeanne remarked under her breath low enough that your mother couldn’t hear but caused you to choke on your water and John to smirk slightly to himself.

Patting your back to ease your coughs, he turned to your mom and answered, “It’s all I’m doing right now, at least. I do have a master’s in engineering, so if Queen were to fail, I could always fall back on that. It seems to be going pretty good at the moment, thankfully.”

“That’s great! When you two were younger, Y/N told me you were going to college, but I always wondered how that turned out. If nothing else, you seem to have two very dedicated Queen fans right here,” she said, gesturing to Jeanne and you. “When Y/N bought Jeanne that record for her birthday, we had to sit in complete silence to listen through it and then ended up listening through it again right after! I thought these girls were going to have their eyes stuck open forever the way they were staring at your pictures on the sleeve.”

Her call-out of your fangirling made both Jeanne’s and your cheeks flush with heat.

“Mom,” you complained as Jeanne groaned.

“Oops, I think I’m embarrassing them,” your mom said in mock-regret while giving John a wink.

He laughed and rubbed your shoulder before saying with a cheeky smile, “It’s always nice to meet fans.”

“Shut up,” you said as you pushed his hand off your shoulder but couldn’t help yourself from returning the smile.

The rest of the dinner went well. You were able to help John dodge the really probing questions from both Jeanne and your mom, and he was able to help you from being teased too much.

After dinner was done, the four of you headed back to your and Jeanne’s apartment for dessert. Your mom had picked up cookies from your favorite local spot and Jeanne had some of your favorite ice cream hidden away in the freezer.

Once the ice cream and cookies were served, you all moved to the living room to eat. You sat on the couch in the middle with your mom and John on either side while Jeanne sat in the armchair to John’s right.

Before you could take your first bite, Jeanne cried out, “Wait!” and rushed to the kitchen. She returned with a lighter and lit the candle that was always on the coffee table. She gestured for you to pick it up and you did with a small roll of your eyes and a smile.

With a wave of her arms, she and the other two started singing “Happy Birthday,” to you, in slightly worse fashion than you had for Jeanne. At the end, you blew out the candle and they all cheered.

“That was, a decent attempt,” you said teasingly, knowing that no one would be offended by the joke.

“Now you can see why I’m not the singer in Queen,” John joked, causing everyone to laugh.

“If you want some actually good singing, I think I can oblige,” Jeanne said, making her way over to the record player. She put on Elton John by Elton John, a collective favorite.

As the first notes of “Your Song,” started playing, you and John looked at each other with soft smiles, remembering the night the two of you had danced to it together, listening to the mixtape he made for you.

“Well, Deaky,” your mom said, punctuating his name and making all heads turn to her. “I’m certainly glad to see that you’re making my girl so happy, especially on her birthday. She hasn’t been quite right since coming back, and now she’s much more like her usual self.”

You gave your mom a quick hug and turned to John again. He met your gaze but looked to your mom. “I’m glad to make her every bit as happy as I can,” he told her.

“You do that just by being around,” you reassured.

From the other side of him, you heard the sound of Jeanne fake-retching.

“You two are gross. How do I get out of this sap-fest?” Jeanne questioned, making the three of you laugh.

“Here, Jeanne, come help me get the presents,” your mom suggested, standing and heading towards Jeanne’s room with a smile. Jeanne got up and followed her.

“That reminds me...” John trailed off, heading into your room.

“I guess I’ll just sit here alone, then,” you called to the empty hallway. You weren’t alone for long though, as all three of them emerged at the same time and came back towards you.

Your mom started, presenting a large, rectangular box to you. You opened it and pulled out what was inside, gasping as you saw it. It was a gorgeous, leather briefcase embossed with leaf and flower designs.

“For when you’re a fancy professor. I know it’s a couple of years early, but when I saw it I couldn’t resist getting it for you,” your mom said.

“Thank you, I love it, it’s beautiful,” you said, hugging her tightly.

“You’re welcome, sweetie. I’m glad you like it,” she replied.

Next, Jeanne handed you her gift. It was a smaller, rectangular box. Lifting the lid, you saw what was inside and grabbed it, smiling.

“It’s from that artist that you love at the street fair, since you missed it this year,” she explained as you held the painting. It was a scene of the street fair itself, one of your favorite events every summer.

“Thank you, this is so amazing,” you exclaimed, also giving her a hug.

“You’re welcome,” Jeanne said, smiling back at you.

You then turned to John as he held his present. A little shyly, he presented it to you with a small smile. You smiled back at him, taking the box from his hands. You opened it and were faced with something you couldn’t recognize. Taking it from the box, you examined it closer and thought you saw something like a radio but with a tape recorder, but you weren’t sure. Looking at John with a little confusion, he chuckled and grabbed it from your hands.

“I know you don’t have anything but your clock radio to take with you anywhere to listen to music, but instead of just getting you a transistor radio, I decided to make something that could play cassettes too,” he explained, turning the hybrid machine so you could see the different parts.

“You built that?” Jeanne asked incredulously.

“Yeah, like I said, I have a master’s in electrical engineering, so it wasn’t that difficult,” John answered.

“You could patent that,” your mom said, eyes wide.

“Eh, it’s not actually that efficient. I’m sure someone else will be able to create something less bulky that more people will like,” he deflected.

The three of you laughed in what was basically disbelief.

Recovering, you wrapped your arms around him in a hug and said, “Thank you so much, Johnny, I love it. I’ll use it to listen to my mixtape all the time.”

“You’re welcome, love,” he whispered back, then releasing you.

The four of you talked, ate ice cream and cookies, and listened to music for the next couple of hours, only stopping when your mom decided she needed to leave before she was too tired to drive home.

Standing up, she gave each of you a hug, surprising John a little, but he took it as a sign that he had made a good impression.

“We’ll all have to have lunch sometime this week before you leave, Deaky,” your mom said with a smile which he returned with a nod.

After cleaning up, the three of you returned to your respective rooms, bidding each other goodnight.

You and John got ready for bed in happy silence, just enjoying being near each other. As you laid down in bed, you turned to face him.

“I think that went pretty well,” he said, brushing your hair from your face then placing his hand on your waist.

“What did I say?” you asked, knowingly, putting your hand on his chest.

“That they would love me,” he replied, smiling sheepishly.

“And…?” you prompted.

“You tell me,” he insisted, bringing his face a little closer to yours.

“They loved you. Just like I do,” you said, capturing his lips with yours in a soft but passionate kiss. After a minute, you pulled away, a little breathless, “Well, maybe not exactly like I do.”

_____

December 9, 1976- January 5, 1977; A Day at the Races Launch Party and the Holidays

Neither of you had found it cost or time effective for you to fly out for your Thanksgiving break, so the next time you saw each other was in early December. Finals had ended on the 7th, and you flew out the day after, arriving in London on the 9th. This was perfect timing, as Queen’s next album came out the next day, and the whole band had wanted you at the launch party.

John picked you up from the airport, as he was wont to do, and brought you back to his and Brian’s apartment. Tired from your flight, you were excited to go straight to bed, but upon opening the door, you were surprised (yet again) by Brian, Roger, and Freddie being there.

“Surprise!” they all yelled at you, running over to give you what ended up being a crushing group hug. They all pulled away, but one by one went back up to you for a more proper hello.

“Y/N! It’s good to see you!” Brian said as he gave you another quick hug.

“You too, Bri. There aren’t enough tall, curly-haired, astrophysicists in Seattle to teach me about space,” you said, hugging him back and then lightly pulling on one of his curls.

“More like bore you to death talking about space dust,” Roger half-whispered to Freddie, causing them both to giggle.

“Roger,” you said a little sternly, causing his head and eyes to snap over to you. He didn’t have the decency to look guilty as he smiled mischievously, sticking his tongue between his teeth.

He made his way over to you with a saunter, “Yes, love?”

“Be nice,” you warned, poking him on the shoulder and not smiling.

He let out a little huff, “I suppose I’ll try, but only for you,” he said with a straight face. That lasted for about a second before the two of you broke and laughed before pulling each other into a tight (but quick because John was giving Roger a look) hug.

As Roger released you and then stepped back, you turned to the last person in the room.

“Freddie!” you said, both of you running to each other at the same time.

“Y/N, it’s absolutely splendid to see you again,” he exclaimed, grabbing your shoulders as the two of you kissed each others cheeks before pulling you into a hug. Before he let go he said, “I’m glad you’re back, Deaky desperately needs a shag.”

You laughed at his words, but still felt your cheeks heat up as he pulled away and John came back up next to you.

All settling down in the living room, you talked and caught up with everyone for about half an hour before your yawns were punctuating every sentence.

“Alright, guys. I think Y/N needs to go to sleep, she’s had a long day of traveling,” John told everyone.

“I suppose that’s true. We’ll see you at the party, though, right darling?” Freddie asked as he and Roger stood up and put on their jackets.

You nodded, “Of course, I can’t wait to hear the album in full and attend one of these famous parties I hear of all the time.”

“More like infamous,” Brian remarked, which made everyone laugh.

Everyone said goodnight, and John grabbed your bag before leading you back to his room. Too tired to do anything but sleep, you crashed as soon as you were cuddled up in John’s arms.

The two of you spent the next morning enjoying each other’s company and reacquainting yourselves with each other’s bodies.

A couple of hours before the event, you started getting ready: showering, styling your hair, and putting on your makeup in preparation.

Finally, you put on your dress. It was a dark purple, a-line dress that came down to your mid-thigh and had spaghetti straps with a sweetheart neckline. Embroidered around the edges and bodice was black lace.

John got ready at the same time, donning a white suit with a white-dotted black shirt underneath. You helped him adjust his clothes, running your hands over his shoulders and chest to smooth out the jacket while his rested on your waist, and maybe undoing a button or two so his chest was more exposed. You gave him a quick kiss, careful not to get any lipstick on his face.

The two of you headed into the living room, where Brian was waiting. He gave you guys a once over and smiled while you did the same. He was wearing a black, double breasted, pinstripe suit with a simple white t-shirt underneath and a few of his necklaces.

“Y/N, you look great!” Brian said happily.

“Thanks, Bri, so do you. I like this suit,” you replied, tugging on his sleeve.

“Oh, thanks. Yeah, Rog helped me pick it out,” he explained with a smile. “Well, the car’s outside to take us, shall we go?”

You and John nodded, stepping to the door with Brian to where there was a pile of shoes, and extracting the ones you would be wearing tonight. You had decided to go with a pair of pink and black saddle shoes so your feet would be comfortable through the long night and dancing. Brian was wearing his trademark white clogs. John pulled on a pair of tan, suede, platform boots that made him tower over you, not that you minded.

The three of you headed out. The car ride was filled with chatter and laughter as Brian asked you more about schooling in America and you asked them about the album. Brian was ready to tell all, but John stopped him, saying, as always, that “it would ruin the surprise.”

The three of you arrived, the boys exiting the car first and John helping you out. You walked up to the building which was a very large skyscraper and into the lobby. After being greeted and ushered towards the elevator, you stepped in and the attendant pressed the top button, taking you all the way to the penthouse that took up the highest floor.

Stepping out of the elevator, you were hit by the sounds of an already raging party. You walked through the doors and the party came into full view.

It would have been impossible to see if not for the disco ball, strobe lights, and multi-colored beams flashing around the room. As it was, you could only make out people’s faces when the light was on them. Music was blasting from the speakers all around the room, and though you didn’t recognize it, you could tell it wasn’t Queen. And the people. There were what seemed like hundreds of people, all in various levels of dress. Some were wearing bell bottoms and tie-dye shirts, some cocktail dresses and suit jackets, and some ball gowns and tuxedos.

There were servers in either all black or all white, carrying around champagne and hors d'oeuvre, respectively. When one of the ones in black swooped by, Brian grabbed three flutes of champagne and handed one to each of you.

“Let’s go find the other boys. We have to do that announcement and stuff,” John suggested and the two of you nodded.

“Wait,” you said, stepping between the two of them and then linking your arms through theirs. Smiling, you explained, “This way we won’t lose each other.”

The three of you laughed and took off. After a few minutes of searching, you found them by the bar, having some tequila shots.

“Y/N, Deaky, Bri! You all look absolutely fantastic!” yelled Freddie with a big grin.

“Beautiful as always, love,” Roger said, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek. Before John could say anything though, Roger stepped over, planting a kiss on his cheek as well, saying “Deaky, looking handsome. You too, Bri,” also giving him a kiss, obviously already affected by the alcohol.

The boys looked a little confused, reaching their hands to their cheeks where his lips had been, but you just laughed and replied, “Thanks, Rog, the two of you are looking very lovely.”

Freddie and Roger looked down at their outfits, smiling. Freddie was wearing a yellow and black striped jacket, an embroidered black shirt, black pants, and a long necklace with an interesting pendant. Roger was wearing an all leather ensemble; a belted leather jacket and leather pants with a slouchy brimmed hat.

The boys went off to the small stage that was set up for the announcement. The studio executive lauded the boys and their hard work and the crowd cheered as you watched from the side of the stage. They performed a shorter version of “Somebody to Love,” which you thought was an incredible song. After that, the album was played over the speakers and the band rejoined you.

You could only hear snippets of the music over the noise of the people, and soon everyone but John was pulled away from you for some reason or another. The two of you talked, ate, and drank, enjoying each other’s company and the atmosphere.

After a while, they started playing dance music again and the party picked back up. You and John started dancing, moving to the rhythm of the music and making it your own. Over the course of the night, you danced with all of the boys multiple times. Brian was respectful but still fun, twirling you around with ease. Freddie and you held both hands, running and spinning with the music, singing at each other all the while. Roger was careful not to get too close, but managed to get in a few dips.

Hours later, when the two of you stumbled your way back to the apartment (mainly due to being tired, you were both only a couple drinks in), you flopped down on the couch as soon as you got in. You were just dozing off when you shot up, spreading your arms to either side and narrowly missing hitting John in the face.

“Wait!” you exclaimed. “We can’t fall asleep yet!”

“Shhh, why’s that?” John mumbled sleepily.

“I haven’t actually heard the album. It was way too loud at that party for me to hear it for real,” you explained.

“Hmm, I suppose that’s true. Good thing I planned ahead,” he replied, standing up and walking over to the record player. He pulled out the first album in the collection, a black one with a very similar, if only more detailed, logo as A Night at the Opera, and began setting it up to play.

“Are you telling me that the album has been right there this entire time?” you asked incredulously.

“I can’t help that you’re not observant enough to notice,” he said with a shrug, making his way back over to you on the couch.

You smacked him lightly on the arm and then said, “Shut up, I’m trying to listen.”

He stayed quiet and leaned back on the couch with you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. He knew from your mom that you liked to listen to albums in full without interruptions.

You listened intently, relaxing into John’s arm and side, nodding your head and tapping your foot along with the music. As “You and I,” came on, John tapped you on the shoulder, gesturing that it was the song he wrote. You paid extra close attention to that one.

When the album was finished playing, you looked up at him with awe.

“I don’t know how you guys do that,” you told him.

“So you liked it?” he asked.

“I loved it, it was incredible. All of it. I especially loved your song. What’s it called?” you questioned.

“‘You and I,’” he replied quietly. “I wrote it for us.”

You looked up at him with shining eyes. Listening to the song, you had thought it might be about the two of you, but didn’t want to assume anything. “It’s beautiful. I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said earnestly, closing the distance between your faces and giving you a soft and gentle kiss, full of love.

_____

Two weeks later, you and John were on your way to his parents’ house in Leicester and you were slightly freaking out.

“Johnny, what are we doing? Why do I have to meet them so soon?” you questioned.

“Because I want to spend the holiday with you and my family. Also, I’ll remind you that I’ve already met your mum,” he reasoned.

“That’s different! My mom is unimposing and- and- you were the one that showed up, anyway. I didn’t do that to you, you did! Plus, I’m not some rockstar that my mom is going to think you’re taking advantage of for fame or fortune or whatever!” you said, spiralling out of control.

John looked at you with adoring bemusement, “Y/N, you’re forgetting that my parents have known of you for years, long before Queen. They’re the same Arthur and Lillian that I used to write and complain to you about. Just take a deep breath,” he reassured, holding your hand in his and giving it a squeeze.

You did as he said, breathing in deeply through your nose before sighing out through your mouth.

“Better?” he asked.

“Better, thank you. I just really want them to like me,” you admitted.

“They’ll love you,” he said, repeating the sentiment as you had to him.

The rest of the drive, John distracted you from the prospect of meeting his parents with funny stories about the boys.

Pulling into the drive of the house, John parked and turned the car off. Getting out both of you opened the doors of the car behind your seats and grabbed what was there. John carried the presents you two had brought for his parents and you carried the apple pie you had made. He had encouraged you to make something American for his parents to try.

You walked up to the front door together and just as John raised his hand up to knock it swung open.

“John!” his parents exclaimed in unison, bringing him into a big hug. They pulled away and then looked at you behind him.

Standing to the side, John gestured to you with his arm, “Mum, Dad, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my mum and dad.”

His mom stepped to you and hugged you. You reciprocated with the arm that wasn’t holding the pie as she said, “You can call me ‘Lillian.’”

Her husband stepped up after her and gave you a hug too saying, “And I’m Arthur.”

“It’s so nice to meet both of you. Thank you for inviting me to your Christmas,” you said, smiling nervously.

“Of course, we couldn’t believe it when John told us that he’d finally met his childhood pen pal. And once the two of you actually began dating, we couldn’t wait to meet you!” Lillian told you as she was ushering you inside.

After taking off your coat and boots, Lillian brought you to the kitchen while Arthur and John took the presents to the living room to put under the tree. You put the pie on the counter where Lillian suggested.

“So, what type of pie is this?” she asked curiously.

“It’s apple pie. Kind of an American staple. Johnny said you were interested in trying something American,” you replied.

“Yes, I think it’s so exciting how similar but different the two cultures are! I hope you’ll take this as a compliment, but I think your accent is absolutely adorable,” she told you.

“Oh, thank you! To be honest, when I first met Johnny, I laughed when I heard his voice. For some reason, even though I knew he was English from the letters, it never occured to me that he would have an English accent,” you recounted, causing both of you to laugh.

John stuck his head in the kitchen, smiling at the laughter, and told you, “Dad and I are going to grab the bags from the car,” to which you smiled in response before he ducked back out.

“Then I will take you on a tour of the house,” Lillian informed you, leading you to the stairs by the door.

As you got to the top, she opened the first door to the right which was the guest room. It was decorated in soft pastels and you could imagine it had been John’s nursery when he was a baby and young boy that had been adjusted for an adult guest. Next, she showed the guest bathroom, decorated to match the bedroom. She briefly showed you the master suite which was furnished in shades of purple and grey that you complimented, then took you back downstairs.

Past the stairs, there was a hallway that contained one more bedroom and separate bathroom.

“This is John’s childhood bedroom, where you two will be staying. We added the queen bed after he left for university, but otherwise it’s just the same as it was, maybe a little tidier,” she joked and you laughed.

The room was painted light grey with one forest green accent wall. There were band posters on the walls from The Supremes and Stevie Wonder to The Beatles, Janis Joplin, and Jimi Hendrix. There was little to no musical equipment; you assumed he had it all at Brian and his apartment. The desk that was facing a window was cluttered with papers and books. It looked like someone had just left for the day. Before you could take a closer look, Lillian whisked you away to show you the living room.

The room just out of the entrance way from the front door, but you hadn’t seen it yet due to being pulled away to other rooms. It was a large, open space with a large couch, loveseat, and two armchairs. They were arranged so that they faced both the fireplace in the middle of the largest wall and the little tv next to it. On the wall that faced outside, there was a large window with little groups of four square iron frames on all corners and between them and a large square pane in the middle. Set up so it was easily visible from the outside but viewable from all sides indoors was the Christmas tree. It was decorated with beautiful matching gold, red, and white ornaments with silver and gold tinsel. Wrapped all around were christmas lights that blinked slowly from red to warm white. There was a beautiful antique star on top that lit up with little lights.

You gazed at the tree and around the living room, a smile growing on your face until you met Lillian’s eyes. “Your home is so beautiful. And this tree, this tree is absolutely gorgeous!”

“Thank you, Y/N, Arthur and I have spent many years getting this house to be exactly how we want it, and we are always glad to hear that people appreciate that. Isn’t the tree lovely? We cut it down and decorated it just last week,” she replied fondly.

“It looks fantastic, Mum. But where are the family’s ornaments?” John said, coming up from behind the two of you and standing next to you before wrapping his arm around your waist.

You looked up at him with a question, wondering what he meant, but before you could ask, his mother replied.

“I was actually saving those for when the two of you got here. I thought we could put on a holiday record and finish decorating the tree all together. Your father thought he could make his hot buttered rum and the neighbors dropped off some cookies earlier this afternoon for us to have. We’ll make a night of it!” Lillian said cheerfully.

John and you smiled back at her and you said, “That sounds wonderful!”

“We’ll go get the food and drinks ready, you two get comfortable,” she insisted before heading to the kitchen where her husband assumedly already was.

John pulled you over to the loveseat and the two of you sat down. He slung his arm over your shoulders and you grabbed his other hand in your own.

He looked down at you softly and you smiled in response. “Thank you for inviting me to your Christmas. And thank you for being an incredible boyfriend,” you told him earnestly.

“Well I wasn’t going to make you sit at Brian and my empty apartment all alone. Anyway, I think I’m supposed to be the one thanking you for being an amazing girlfriend. You’ve already made an impression on my parents,” he replied sweetly.

“Really?” you asked. You were still a little nervous about everything.

“Really. My mum loves you, just like I said,” John assured.

“Well, that’s a good thing, because I love her son more than I could say, and I’m gonna be around for a long time,” you told him with a smile.

“Good, I love you too,” he said, leaning in and pecking your lips. He stayed close as he pulled away and whispered, “Happy Christmas.”

You giggled at his words but nonetheless whispered back, “Merry Christmas,” before closing the distance and kissing him again.

_____

New Year’s was spent with all four boys and their dates. It was a casual affair, but that didn’t mean everyone didn’t still get shit-faced. Luckily, you had made Roger and Freddie schedule a taxi for four a.m. so they could get home safely.

Just a couple of days after the first, you had to head back to the States because you needed to get back in time to prepare for the next semester of courses. Saying goodbye was worse than usual, because even though this was the longest you had spent together, it didn’t seem long enough.

With tears streaming down both of your faces, you gave John one last kiss before wiping both of your faces and walking to board the plane. You would just have to live with the fact that the next time you would see him was three months away.

🍀🍀🍀

Reminder that my requests are open! If you would like something in a sort of one shot format/length or blurb, etc. send it in! I’ll write for any of the Borhap or Queen boys (Freddie only platonically), Lucy, Patrick Murray, Gardner Langway and adult!Tim Murphy or possibly any of the other characters these people have played if I know enough about them!

Taglist: @eylulclsr @roger1na @deakyfordays @painkiller80 @sunflower-borhap-boys @awkwardangelshezza @obsessedwithrogertaylor @bensrhapsody @tardisgrump @ahsoknarwhal @fatheadtheroger @happy-at-home @achallsplants @newspapergatory @marvellouspengwing @randompotato1234 @windmeupandletmeplay @ixchel-9275 @s3venseasof-bri @1001-yellow-daffodils @imgonnabeyourslave @caffeine-girl @bestbuds55 @ceruleanrainblues @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @lilyatiya @yellowandscarlet @briarrose26 @riseetothesun @queendeakyy​

If you would like to be added to a taglist, just send me a message or ask!

[exxxxuusmee]

YOU Part 1

Fem Reader x Taehyung

Idol:au

Smut/fluff

18+

Warnings: oral male and female receiving. a loooot of filthy dirty talk be warned! Unprotected Intercourse (pleas stay safe and use condoms! this is just a fan fic)

Authors note: This is the first thing i ever wrote.. mostly filth, ops hehe. And in this alternative reality k-pop idols can walk in to a bar and get to know strangers and kiss in public without paparazzi getting involved hahah :’). 

Y/C = Your country

You couldn’t believe it. This was it, the trip you had wanted to go on for so many months.  It was hard to wrap you’re head around it. Usually when you were talking about places you wanted to visit, different countries and so forth it almost never happened. Especially not if It was to far away. But there you were waiting by the gate at the airport for a plane that was going to take you to South Korea. A 16 hour-long journey and that would be it. Your family was hesitant to let you go because it was so far away but they knew that it was something that you really wanted to do for yourself. They were afraid that you would like it way more than you’re small boring home country, and it would compel you to settle down there. And in the back of your mind you had already thought about it. But you promised your family that you would come back home.

Right before you got on the plane you got a text from your mother.

(Ice Mommy) : Hi love! I hope you will have a safe trip and call me the first thing you do when you land. I love you so much and I miss you so much already!

PS. Be carful of pickpockets, hold your bags tight. Xx

She was already so worried about you.  In the text she seamed composed but you had learnt to read between the lines. She was extremely worried. You hade never been this far from home before and who could blame her for worrying.

(You) : Hi mom, were about to take off any second now. Everything is going well! I love you to but I promise you this time will fly by and will see each other soon. Haha I will mom, love you xx

You started to settle in to your seat and looked out the window when the plane started to take off. You caught yourself smiling and with butterflies in your stomach but you couldn’t distinguish if it was just the feeling of the plane lifting or it hade to do with that you actually went through with this journey. Ether way it didn’t matter, you were happy.

After many hours of looking out the window and drifting in and out of sleep the captain informed that we were about to touch down in Seoul. You felt groggy from the long journey when you stood and awaited your luggage. You were probably pretty jet lagged, but you had never flown this far away before so you could only guess that was what this feeling was. Once you got your luggage you went to search for the cab driver that was going to take you to the place you were going to stay. You walked out to arrivals and saw an older man holding up a sign with you’re name on it. Miss. Y/N to be more exact. In your home country they didn’t use miss and mister, it was refreshing and a bit fun. You waved at the older man and started to walk towards him. He greeted you, and to your surprise he spoke to you in English. Well it wasn’t that hard to figure out that you weren’t from here and he was just being polite. But you instantly greeted him back in Korean. You didn’t want to waste all those hours you put down to learn Korean all by your self back home. He was surprised and flashed you a big grin and told you to follow him to the car. Once seethed in the car and the old man started driving he started to ask you what such a sweet young girl was doing all by her self in Korea. You told him that this was one of your dreams and he chuckled. With that the driver smiled once again and said ¨Well, welcome to Korea Y/N. I think you’re going to have a wonderful time here!¨ His kind words warmed your hearth and you were happy that the first person you met were so nice and welcoming. ¨Thank you, I believe I will¨

The place that you were staying at was a pretty nice place. An apartment with a small kitchen, living room and a good-sized bedroom. You hade first planned to stay at a hostel or hotel. But your mom and dad felt it was safer to rent an apartment instead. You were happy that they came up with that idea. This was mush more comfortable than a hotel room or a hostel. Since you were going to stay for a couple of months this was almost cheaper as well. And that made your wallet happy. And this way you didn’t have to put out so much money one eating food out. You could just go to one of the markets and by some ingredients and cook back at the apartment. 

Before you turned in for the night you picked up your phone to call your parents. The call was short, but you just wanted to tell them that you had settled in and that everything was fine. With that you threw yourself on to the big bed and drifted off to sleep, you were so exited to what these mouths here had in store for you.

The next day you had gone to the store to buy some things you needed for the kitchen so that you could make yourself some breakfast and so it lasted for a couple more days. You also picked up some necessities all girls need. You spent most of the morning settling in to the new apartment. Hung up your clothes and fixed the shelf’s in the bathroom. When you were all done you decided to jump in to the shower quickly before going out to get to know the city.

You walked around for hours you didn’t even notice how long you had been out. So mesmerized by your new surroundings. You were abruptly woken up from your hypnosis when your stomach rumbled so loudly you almost thought the people that passed you by noticed. You decided to still your hunger and you went in to a small bar you saw across the street. ¨Some food and a beer would be nice right now¨ you said to yourself. You ran over the street and went in to the bar. Once there you walked up to the bartender and ordered some nachos and a beer. You waited by the bar while your order was getting ready. You looked around the bar, it was a small bar with dark interior, almost like one of those sports bar you had been to when you were in London. You had always liked these kinds of bars. There was something warm and cozy about them. When your order was finished you took your food and beer and went over to what almost looked like a small scene with one step up were there stood two old brown chesterfield sofas with a small round coffee table in the middle. A meter long fence made out of wood enclosed the scene; it looked like small columns like they have on buildings but on a much smaller scale of course. You sat your beer and food down on the coffee table and sunk down on the comfortable sofa. You sat so that you had a panoramic view of the place, you could see the whole bar from were you sat. The bar must have a slow night cause there were only a couple other guests there. You ate some of your food and drank your beer in peace while you sank your self down in one of your books about sightseeing in Seoul that your sister bought for you just before you left for Korea.

After an hour or so and three more beers, it was almost 22.00. Your head snapped from the book when you herd the door open. In came two younger men that headed straight to the bar to order some drinks. They were dressed nicely in jeans and black hoodies and long jackets that almost hit the floor. They both had masks on their faces. You never really understood the meaning behind them but you knew that they hade become quit a fashion trend in many Asian countries. One of the men had a black fisherman’s hat as well. It almost looked like they were trying to hide themselves. You could see that one of them hade silver blonde hair and the other one charcoal black. You didn’t think much more of them and turned your eyes back to your book.

After a while you started to feel like the younger men were staring at you, so you turned your gaze towards them and looked the silver haired man straight in his eyes to see what his problem was. There was something familiar with him, almost like you hade either met him before or seen him. But that weren’t possible. The silver haired man didn’t stop staring at you, so there you were having a stair off with some guy you didn’t know. It started to feel uncomfortable but you didn’t want to lose this battle. But it became too much and you returned your gaze to your book. You could see in the corner of your eye that the men were headed straight your way. You didn’t look up when the to men stat them self’s down on the sofa opposite to you.

¨Hello¨ you herd a deep voice say. You hade no other choice than took look up at the men sitting in front of you. Now without their mask and hat. You froze. Now you knew why they looked so familiar. Its was fricking Jungkook and Taehyung from BTS, one of the most famous kpop bands in the world, and on of your favorite bands.

You couldn’t believe it, how did this happen and why would they sit down here with you?! You almost felt like this was some kind of dream and that in any second you were going to wake up in your bed. You never told anyone except your best friend F/N that they were one of the reasons that you got interested in Korea, or more Korean men.. And here you were sitting in a small bar in the outside of the city not with one but with two of the members from BTS. And one of your favorites non the less. Taehyung just ticked all of your boxes; he was wicked good looking, funny, cute and that amazing smile of his. You snapped out of your chock and hoped that it didn’t show on your face as much as it felt it did. ¨Hi there¨ you said way more confidently than you thought you were going to be able to. ¨Why are you sitting here all alone?¨ Jungkook asked with a smug smile on his face. That smile, oh my god, that smile you thought to your self. It sent shook waves all over your body. ¨Well, I was just out and about getting to know my knew surroundings when I craved a beer and some food¨ you sad with a chuckle. ¨Knew surroundings you say, hmm, were are you from then?¨Taeyuang asked while looking at you from head to toe up and down. You still tried to compose yourself, but you felt that you were doing pretty well considering. ¨I’m from Y/C.¨ You looked back and forth from Jungkooks and Taehyungs faces to see what they thought about that. Jungkook Just nodded while Taehyung stared you deep in the eyes and smiled. ¨Y/C you say? We have been there before, but it was a couple of years ago now, isn’t that right kookie?¨ ¨Yeah we have, it’s a beautiful country. How do you know Korean though? I must say that I’m pretty impressed by the way you speak Haden it been for you looks I would have thought you were from here.¨ You started to feel warm all over your body, you could feel how your cheeks started to redden by his praise. It was childish really but you couldn’t help it. ¨I learned Korean my self back home. When I knew that I was coming here I wanted to be able to speak to people and make new friends. You guys are one of the first people i’ve been speaking to since I came here. I’m glad that you can understand what I’m saying. That must mean that all that hard work was not in vain¨ Taehyung laughed. ¨It sure did I must say.¨ You were thinking about if you should mention that you knew who they were. But you didn’t want so seem as an crazy fan girl and you also thought about how hard it must be for them to go out and making new friends without hearing about their job. So you decided that you wouldn’t say anything unless they brought it up.

Suddenly Taehyung stood up and looks at you with wide eyes. ¨I’m so sorry, we haven’t even asked your name. I was just so caught up in knowing why you were here all alone haha..my name is Taehyung, but you can call me Tae. What’s your name?¨He asked holding his and forward wanting you to shake it. ¨Haha, that’s fine, I didn’t think about it ether. My name is Y/N, nice to meet you Tae¨ Taehyung and you shook hands, then Tae looked over at Jungkook and he immediately bend over the coffee table and introduced himself.

If felt like you sat there talking with them for hours. You spoke about what you were doing here in Korea, what your plans were. But also about many other things, fashion, animals, the culture chock that they thought I was going to go trough. The whole time you were sitting there talking the drinks had piled up on the table. You didn’t know how much you had been drinking but it had to be a lot because you started to feel pretty tipsy and by the looks of it Tae and Jungkook wasn’t immune either. You started to feel Taehyung eying your body whilst Jungkook told some funny story. You tried to concentrate on his story but you couldn’t ignore the looks Taehyung swung your way. He was so intense and you could feel your whole body heating up and your insides twisting. It could be the alcohol though. Why would someone like Taehyung be interested in you. He must have hundreds, no millions of girls swarming round him all the time. But still you couldn’t shake the feeling that he wanted to devoir you. Suddenly Jungkook stood up and announced that he hade to visit the bathroom. Left were you and Taehyung and the sexual tension you thought you felt. After Jungkook was gone Tae switched places so that he sat down next to you. Your body was tingeling with excitement but he didn’t have to know that. It seamed that he was pretty tipsy because it seemed like he no longer knew what personal space was, but you hade nothing against it. You were more than happy to have him this close. You sat next to each other and then he put his arm around your back. You could feel the warmth radiating from him. For a while you just sat there without ether of you saying a word. Then Tae turned in towards you and placed a hand firmly at your upper thigh. His face was less than a couple of cm from yours. He swirled his thump up and down a small perimeter on your thigh and you could feel how you started to get wet down there. How was that even possible, he had barley touched you and you were already so turned on. You just wanted to straddle him right there in front of all the other guests you didn’t even care. Taegyung then suddenly broke the silence that hade washed over you both.

¨When I saw you sitting here all alone earlier, I just had to come and talk to you. I have never seen someone so beautiful as you. There is something special about you, so beautiful¨ Tae looked at you with lust in his eyes. Hungry to crash his lips down at yours. You didn’t know what you should say back to him so instead you dug up your confidence that had almost gone away completely when they had sat down by your table earlier. You eagerly kissed his lips. Taehyung kissed you back with such passion you started to feel a little light headed. The kissed deepened when his though started to graze your lips asking for entrance. You gladly invited him in to your mouth and you could hear a small moan coming from him. You felt so good, because of him but also because how obvious it was that he were effected by you. You broke the kiss and looked deep in his eyes with a smug smile across your lips. Your hand touching his chest up and down with feather like strokes. He watched your hands while he groped your thigh harder. ¨Maybe we should slow down a little. There are still people here and Jungkook will probably come back any second¨ you said to him still grazing your fingers across his chest. He smiled at you squeezing your thigh ¨I suppose you are right. But don’t worry about Jungkook he has already found something else to do¨ Tae looked over at the bar were Jungkook stood and talked to some girls. You guessed that Jungkook saw you getting all handsy when he left the restroom and decided to give you two some space. But to be honest it didn’t seem like he minded that at all. The girls that he talked to almost hung over him, and it didn’t surprise you. He was a very attractive man. You turned back your attention to Taehyung and kissed him lightly on the lips. ¨Maybe we should go somewhere were we could get a little more privacy then? If you would be interested it of course¨ you hoped to god that he would say yes. It was some time since you had gotten with someone and Taehyung would be the perfect ‘’first’’ one since your brake from men. ¨You are speaking my language¨ He said and stood himself up from the sofa while holding out his hand for you to grab and get yourself up. He quickly dressed, put his hat and mask on the told me to wait for him by the door while he went to tell Jungkook were he was going. By the looks of it Jungkook had already gotten that message long before ether off us had. He just laughed and waved Taehyung away. Tae returned to you, took your hand and left the bar.

You decided to grab a cab to your apartment since it was quit a long way to walk. He told you on the way that it would be better to go to your place since he hade roommates and they would most definitely disturb you. You didn’t know if he thought that you didn’t know who he was. But he didn’t seem keen on telling you either. But you thought about how you already knew who all of his roommates were. You couldn’t even imagine going to their place and meet all of them. Especially not knowing what probably were going down once you guys got home to the apartment.

You and Taehyung walked up the stairs to your apartment in silence. The atmosphere was tense and you felt week, like your hole body was about to give out. But you didn’t allow that to happen right now. You were way to excited about what would happen once you got inside your apartment. Standing in front of the door, you searched your bag for the keys. You found them and tried to find the keyhole but without much success. Tae laughed and took the keys from you. Of course he had no trouble unlocking the door. You blamed the alcohol and laughed nervously. But deep down you knew that it had nothing to do with that.  You walked in to the apartment and told Tae to make him self at home. You watched him walk towards the sofa in the living room while you went in to the kitchen to bring you guys some beer.

Once you went back to the living room you watched how Taehyung had sat down on the sofa with his hands on the pillows. He looked so good. Before you joined him you walked over to your stereo and put on some low playing music just to lighten the mood and make the silence go away. You noticed how he followed your every move. You saw him standing up and how he started to walk towards you from the corner of your eye. But you didn’t move from the stereo. You wanted to see what he would do. Suddenly he hugged you from behind holding his arms around your waste, you gasped at the sensation, slowly swaying you side to side to the music. His face cupped on your shoulder pressing light kisses on your ear and the down to your neck. You hummed your approval, and you could here him smile against your neck. ¨Yeah, you like that don’t you?¨ He teased as he whispered in your ear. His low voice send chills up and down your spine. ¨I do, I like it very much..¨ You said with a tremble in your voice. ¨What would you like me to do to you huh? I know what I want to do to you, and I knew it from the second a laid my eyes on you¨ He continued kissing you, his hands starting to feel your body out. From your waist up, along your stomach till they reached your breasts and his hands started to massage them. You could feel how your panties started to get soaked through. So little it took to have such of an effect on you, his voice, his hands caressing your body. ¨Is that so? Why don’t you just tell med that instead? I’m intrigued.¨ You flung your head back to give I’m better access to your neck, and he jumped for the opportunity. He pressed his body hard against yours so that you could feel his erect member pressing against your ass. ¨Do you feel how worked up you have made me? All I want to do is to tear this dress off your body and kiss every inch of you. You are so beautiful, but I can bet that you are even more beautiful out of that dress, don’t you think?¨ You reached your hands up to curl your fingers through his thick well styled hair. ¨Please tear it off.. I want to feel your hands all over me. I’m getting all wet just thinking about what your hands can do to my body¨

With that Taehyung turned you to face him and he immediately ripped the dress off you. You gasped when the fabric ripped in half to reveal your almost naked body. Tae stepped back for a moment looking at you up hand down and hummed in approval. Then he reached to the hem of his shirt and pulled it of him and then the same to his pants so that he was left with only his black boxer. You hade seen men without clothes before but damn, this was completely different. He was more fit than you thought. But all you had seen before were only pictures and videos on social medias and they didn’t do him justice. He was lean but still well built, and it almost looked as he was glowing. What a sight.

You both stood there for a couple off minutes just to take in each other’s bodies. ¨Oh my god. You look so good. Ready to eat don’t you think? I bet you taste like a slice of heaven¨ You laughed at his bluntness and gave him a teasing smile. He lifted his gaze off you and in less then a second he stood in front off you lifting you up so that he held one leg in each hand. You could feel his hard dick rubbing against your wet core while he carried you to the bedroom.

He laid you down on the bed and then crawled up between your legs. He flashed you a sweet and teasing smile as he leaned over you to kiss you. You couldn’t take this. It all went to slow, you had been worked up for hours and you needed some release right now. With that in your mind you grabbed him by the shoulders and swung both of you around so that you straddled his crotch. Tae was shocked by your sudden determination but you could see clearly that he liked it. ¨Eager are we? I knew you were a wild one the instant I saw you. Isn’t that right baby? He said as he brought his hands up to cup your face, bringing you down to his face and kissing along your jawline up to your ear and the down your neck. The sensation made you shiver and you let out a loud moan. You were to worked up to get out anything in response so you just replied him with starting to grind on his erect cock. Hard but slow, back and forth. He helped you intensify it by meeting your movements and in a short while the room was filled with both of your moans. ¨You feel so good grinding on my hard cock baby¨ He said while e flung his head back on to the pillow. You decided to teas him a bit to get him to feel how he had made you feel the entire evening. You usually didn’t do much dirty talk but with Taehyung it seemed different. And you could tell that it was one off his kinks. ¨Yeah? You like feeling my soaked through panties grinding up and down you’re big cock ha?I love it, your cock is so big and I want to taste every inch off it¨ You said this while continuing your grinding and looking him right into his eyes. With your words he started to squirm under you and let out some low grunts. ¨God you are so dirty, I love it¨ He said whilst he put his hands on your thighs and squeezed them harshly then reached down to your as and slapped it hard with one off his hands. You gasped at the feeling. It didn’t hurt, it made you clench your walls around nothing. You were so ready for him. You lifted your self off him and crawled back and sat on your knees. You leaned over him to give him a small peck on the lips. You then presided to kiss him from his neck down to his nipples and down over his defied abs. When you reached his boxer you played with the hem.

You looked up to him to see how he liked what you were doing. But you couldn’t see his face because it was buried in the pillow. When he lifted his head from the pillow you could see that his eyes was closed and that he gritted his teeth. You slowly returned your attention to his boxers and hooked two fingers inside the hem and started to slid them down and off him. Once the boxers landed on the floor you couldn’t stop looking at the surprisingly big cook that emerged in front off you. It looked so hard that it could burst any given minute. You started to kiss him everywhere around his cock but not were he wanted you the most. You noticed him propping him self up on his elbows to see what you were doing. You knew you hade teased him for a good while and decided to give him some release. You brought your hand up to grab his balls, massaging them lightly. His whole body twitched at the sensation and with that you took his hard cock inside of your mouth. Like you had no time to spear you immediately took his whole length down your throat so that you were deep throating him. You could feel the tip at the back of your throat almost making you gag. You looked up to se Tae’s face expressing, pure bliss. He met your gaze and reached out his hand to get your hair away from your face. ¨Oh shiit.. If you keep going like that I’m going to cum any second. How are you so good at th..oo fuck¨ He was caught off when you started to swallow around his length. You continued bobbing your head up and down, taking in the feel of him in your mouth. He was heavy on your tongue and the taste of him was like the best flavored candy you had ever tasted. With that you decided it was enough. You didn’t want him to cum to fast.

You reached your hands behind your back and unclasped your bra and threw it behind you on the floor. Tae’s hands reached for your breast immediately massaging them with a good amount of pressure. ¨You are so fucking sexy Y/N. So beautiful, your perfect¨ And with that said he dove mouth first down to one off your breast to suck your nipple. Gently sucking and licking one of your nipples while his other hand continued to massage the other. You signed out in pure pleasure. It was so long since a man made you feels this way. And although you hadn’t come very far you could already tell that this was going to be the best sex you have had in a long time. You removed Tae’s hands from your body laid yourself down on your back and seductively slid off your thongs while still holding on to the eye contact with him. You wanted to see how he would react. What you could see by his facial expression could just be explained as pure hunger. You slowly spread your legs wide so that he could see every inch of you. ¨Do you like what you see Taehyung? Look how wet you have made me. My pussy is begging to be filled, its s-ooo e-empty¨ You stammered while flashing a fake pout and big puppy eyes. In one swift move Tae sifted from his position so that he now laid with his face between your legs he looked up at you and lifted one of his eyebrows. He looked so sexy between you legs, and you still couldn’t believe that Kim Taehyung laid their intoxicated by you. ¨You are such a teas Y/N, you are driving me crazy. And I can promise you that I will fuck you so hard that you will have trouble walking tomorrow, would you like that baby?¨ He started kissing your thighs, still looking deep into your eyes while he waited for your response. You couldn’t help but quiver under his touch and a couple of week moans left your mouth when you herd the words coming out off his mouth. ¨O-oh my god Tae, pleas just fuck me. I need you so bad¨ You said. ¨Oh I will, but first I’m going have a taste of you¨ And with that he faced your wet throbbing pussy and licked your slit all the way from your entrance up to your clit where he stopped and started sucking. The feeling was amazing. You had never felt this way before when someone hade been eating you out. It was always pleasant but not as good as this. You didn’t know if it was because of how turned on you were by him or if all the others that hade done this on you before just sucked at it.

You were a moaning mess when he continued his movements. He suddenly looked up at you and you whined from the loss of stimulation. ¨mmh shit, You taste so sweet, just like I imagined. I could stay down here for hours you taste so good¨ When that was said he retuned down to your clit and started kitten lick it the taking your sensitive nub in to his mouth again and started sucking. You could feel how he stared circling one of his long slender fingers around your entrance, coating it with your juices before pushing it inside of you. You, Laing down on your back, mouth agape moaning his name while he started thrusting his finger faster in and out of you. He then adding another finger, he curled his fingers inside of you and you could feel how your high was approaching.

¨Taehyung, Tae, stop!¨You almost screamed out. Tae’s movements came to an abrupt stop while his head flung up to look at you his face flashing true concern. ¨What is it?! Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry oh my god!¨He truly looked terrified. You swung yourself up on your knees simultaneously pushing him down the bed to his back. You then started to crawl on top of him. ¨Oh, no! Of course you didn’t! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I.. its just that I was so close to cum and I didn’t want to come until I had your cock inside me¨ You looked down at his chest shyly, a little bit embarrassed. ¨Oh.. OH. I see, that we can fix baby¨  you could see the relief in his eyes while taking your chin between his fingers pushing himself up to give you an hungry kiss. When you broke the kiss it almost looked like he was even more turned on by your words. And to be true, it boosted your ego. 

You probed your self up and reached your hand between your legs to grab his cock. You lifted your self up and positioned your self with him, slowly pushing yourself down on his dick. The sensation stole some moans from both you and Taehyung as the feeling of him filling you up intoxicated both of you. When you sat down on him completely you slowly started to move back and forth, while having your palms securely placed on his chest. Tae reached his hands for your ass, gripping both of your cheeks with force as he helped you with your movements. ¨Shit Y/N. You feel so tight, so warm and wet. You like riding my cock huh?¨He said mouth half opened gasping for air. ¨I do, your cock I so big Tae. Its filling me up so good. I cant wait till you cum deep inside my pussy¨ You said while continuing riding him, picking up your pace white every grind of your hips. Tae loosened the grip on one of your ass cheeks and slapped it hard with made you moan even loader making your walls clench around his dick. He could feel it, and it felt so good for him, almost to good. ¨You are so dirty aren’t you? Look how eagerly you are riding my cock huh?¨ He said while he started to thrust harder and harder in to you. ¨You feel so good around my cock baby. You want me to cum in your pussy hah?¨ He said while looking you deep in the eyes and giving you another hard slap on your as. He the proceeded to lift your hips with his hands to start drill his cock inside of you from below. It felt so good, and you could feel the knot starting to form inside your stomach. You looked down on Taehyung and you could see the sweat pearling on his face and chest. He looked out of this world drilling into you from underneath. You would never forget this moment.

You reached down to rub your clit to help yourself reaching your high while Taehyung continued. ¨Tae im..im, going to.. omg. Pleas cum inside me. I want to feel all of you¨ You could feel how close you were to coming, you felt your walls starting to clench around his cock. ¨Come for me baby, I want to feel you cum all over my hard dick shiit!¨ And that was all you needed to hear as your orgasm washed over you. Tae still fucking you hard through your high, your legs started to shake and clenching around his dick uncontrollably, your back arched and head flung back. ¨Omg Tae!¨ You practically screamed out. In one swift move Tae swung you around so that you laid on your back. He continued fucking you harder then you ever felt as he was chasing his own high. You decided to help him along and started to clench around him to give him more pleasure. ¨Oh shit Y/N! Your so good, im go…nna cum any second shit¨ He was a panting mess. You loved seeing him coming undone by your touch. ¨Yeah?cum for me baby! I want to feel you cum inside me. You have been so good to me tonight, now cum. Please I wan to be filled up by you!¨ Taehyung grunted and moaned, going crazy by your words. It only took a couple more sloppy thrusts until he pushed himself inside you as deep as was possible and came inside you. You could feel the warmth off his release. You preceded with clenching around him to milk every last drop out of him. Whit that, he collapsed on top of you, panting in your ear.

He rolled off you so that he laid beside you. Both of you silent, staring up at the ceiling. You were the one to break the silence, and all you could muster was ¨Holy shit¨. He looked over at you and smiled, kissing you on your cheek. His demeanor had completely changed. From the dominant and dirty talking man to something more innocent. ¨That.. you were amazing, are amazing¨ He said while kissing you on the lips once more. ¨You are to, I have never felt anything like that before¨ You confessed shyly looking away from him. He turned over to his side propping him self up on his elbow, reaching out his hand to your breasts and slowly starting to trace the outline of them with his slender finger. ¨Neither have I¨ He said continuing playing with his fingers on your chest. You did as he and rolled over to your side so that you were face to face. You both laid there, him playing with his fingers on your chest, you tracing the outline of his face and hair with yours. You stayed like this for some time, neither of you knew for how long. It felt so good and intimate, even more so then the sex.

Suddenly you could feel the aftermath of the act as his cum started to sip out onto your thighs. You slung your self up sitting on the bed a bit embarrassed. Tae flinched at your sudden movement. ¨Whats wrong?¨ He asked carefully. First looking at your face the down to your hands, which were cupping your core. He looked up at your face again with a smug grin on his face. There he was, the other side of him. ¨Oh.. haha. Let me help you with that¨ He said giving you a kiss on your forehead while lifting himself up to walk over to the bathroom, still completely naked. What a sight. He came back from the bathroom white a dampened towel. ��Lean back baby, let me take care of you¨ You were slightly chocked by his actions. ¨I can fix it myself, you don’t have to¨ But he ignored you and pushed you down on the bed and spread your legs. It felt weird, and for some reason you felt so exposed. But when you looked at his face giving you a reaching smile you calmed down and the embarrassment faded away. He broke away from your eyes as they traveled down between your legs. He carefully wiped you clean and then threw the towel in the laundry bin. You looked at him while he returned to your bed patting at the spot beside him for you to come and lay down next to him. He really wanted to stay here? You thought to yourself. What about the other members, wouldn’t they be worried about him? But you couldn’t ask him about it either. Since he didn’t know that you knew. Or did he? You pushed you thoughts away and crawled up beside him. You both laid on your sides, him holding you tight in his arm from behind. You were completely drained off all your energy. And you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep while Taehyung left small kisses along your shoulder. This was the best night of your life.

Do not copy or translate my work it will be reported. 

[greeneyesandsunshine28]

Things About Me

200: My crush’s name is: louise

199: I was born in: Pittsburgh, PA

198: I am really: stressed and anxious all the time

197: My cellphone company is: verizon

196: My eye color is: blue

195: My shoe size is: 7

194: My ring size is: no idea

193: My height is: 5'5"

192: I am allergic to: nothing

191: My 1st car was: ford edge

190: My 1st job was: a marketing assistant

189: Last book you read: a view from the bridge

188: My bed is: one of my favorite things in the world

187: My pet: don't have one

186: My best friend: i miss her

185: My favorite shampoo is: function of beauty

184: Xbox or ps3: don't care

183: Piggy banks are: cute when you're a kid

182: In my pockets: my phone and ID, ventra

181: On my calendar: hw assignments, finals and shows coming up

180: Marriage is: beautiful

179: Spongebob can: ?

178: My mom: love her more than anything

177: The last three songs I bought were? Home-edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, i see fire-ed sheeran and so long lonesome-explosions in the sky

176: Last YouTube video watched: we haven't been doing too good...karin&skyler

175: How many cousins do you have? 17

174: Do you have any siblings? A younger brother

173: Are your parents divorced? No, my dad is deceased tho:(

172: Are you taller than your mom? Same height

171: Do you play an instrument? No I wish

170: What did you do yesterday? Went to classes and did homework

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: no

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: no

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: yes

163: Hell: yes

162: God: sometimes

161: Horoscopes: no

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: no

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: no

155: Magic: no

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: drunk

152: Phone or Online: phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blondes on girls, brunettes on guys

149: Hot or cold: hot

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: spring

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: white chocolate

140: Mac or PC: mac

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip floos

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: neither

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: buried

134: Singing or Dancing: dancing

133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: don't care

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: targey

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Can't choose

128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags: disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: don't care

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: ugly

121: George Bush: no opinion

120: Gay Marriage: completely accept it

119: The presidential election: rigged

118: Abortion: no comment

117: MySpace: nostalgia

116: Reality TV: is ok sometimes

115: Parents: caring

114: Back stabbers: two-faced

113: Ebay: cool

112: Facebook: addictive

111: Work: dumb

110: My Neighbors: very kind

109: Gas Prices: too high

108: Designer Clothes: ehh

107: College: scam

106: Sports: don't care for them

105: My family: love them

104: The future: scary

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: brooke at formal?

102: Last time you ate: 2 minutes ago

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: my family a month ago

100: Cried in front of someone: probably mari jo

99: Went to a movie theater: months ago

98: Took a vacation: January

97: Swam in a pool: January

96: Changed a diaper: never

95: Got my nails done: at least 6 months ago

94: Went to a wedding: june 2018

93: Broke a bone: never

92: Got a peircing: 8th grade

91: Broke the law: 2 years ago

90: Texted: 10 hours ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: ryan stiles, wayne Brady, colin mochrie, louis tomlinson

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my brother

87: The last movie I saw: a simple favor--so good

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: summer

85: The thing im not looking forward to: finals

84: People call me: idk

83: The most difficult thing to do is: act like you're happy when you're not

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: no

81: My zodiac sign is: leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: my roommate

79: First time you had a crush: 3rd grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: not sure

76: Right now I am talking to: no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully be a dance teacher

74: I have/will get a job: next year hopefully

73: Tomorrow: i get to go home!

72: Today: was ok

71: Next Summer: i hope i'll be happy

70: Next Weekend: i have 3 dance shows!

69: I have these pets: none

68: The worst sound in the world: nails on a chalkboard

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: not sure

66: People that make you happy: larry, summer mckeen, jess conte, lucy, my brother

65: Last time I cried: an hour ago

64: My friends are: awesome

63: My computer is: always on

62: My School: ok

61: My Car: cool

60: I lose all respect for people who: are rude/ignorant/selfless

59: The movie I cried at was: safe haven

58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: gilmore girls, single parents, one tree hill, gossip girl, chilling adventures of Sabrina, glee, the office, the list could go on

56: Favorite web site: tumblr

55: Your dream vacation: Santorini

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: either my first period cramps or any ear infection I've had

53: How do you like your steak cooked: i'm a vegetarian

52: My room is: very me

51: My favorite celebrity is: can't choose one-miley cyrus, ariana grande, louis tomlinson, harry styles, tarjei sandvok moe, dianna agron, kiernan shipka

50: Where would you like to be: santorini

49: Do you want children: yes

48: Ever been in love: no

47: Who’s your best friend: emily

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: people complementing me

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my dad

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: yes

40: Last person I got mad at: one of my professors

39: I would like to move to: somewhere on the east coast

38: I wish I was a professional: ballerina

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: idk

35: President: Obama

34: State visited: Arizona

33: Cellphone provider: sprint

32: Athlete: simone biles

31: Actor: tarjei sandvik moe

30: Actress: amanda bynes

29: Singer: ariana grande

28: Band: the 1975

27: Clothing store: target

26: Grocery store: kroger

25: TV show: one tree hill

24: Movie: the blind side

23: Website: tumblr or pinterest

22: Animal: cat

21: Theme park: not a huge fan

20: Holiday: Christmas

19: Sport to watch: gymnastics

18: Sport to play: volleyball

17: Magazine: cosmo

16: Book: the english roses

15: Day of the week: friday

14: Beach: any beach in FL

13: Concert attended: hannah montana/miley cyrus

12: Thing to cook: pasta

11: Food: pasta with vodka sauce

10: Restaurant: macaroni grill

9: Radio station: don't listen to the radio

8: Yankee candle scent: I honestly love them all

7: Perfume: don't have one

6: Flower: rose

5: Color: blue

4: Talk show host: james corden

3: Comedian: wayne brady

2: Dog breed: don't know

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yup

Copy/paste and repost!

[kittywolves]

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!! 

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute 

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die 

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama 

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes:  a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE 

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples 

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels:  F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R  T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses 

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday 

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!! 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off 

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep 

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs.... 

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no, 

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games 

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio 

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils 

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that