#when i was little my mom would let me have ground up almonds with sugar when she would make those cakes & pastries

[pucellerie]

had a dream i was about to make icecream made of homemade rosewater infused syrup with anise & cinnamon & i think some fruit ( maybe dried prunes ? ) i just know it would taste so effing bomb i need to try that for real someday

[landothemuppet]

Far Longer Than Forever (p.p)

Word count: 4737

Pairing : peter parker

Request: YES! ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. The Swan Princess is one of my childhood movie and this was so fun to write. I can’t stop listenning the soundtrack now ! I’m so sorry for the time i took to write this, i had so much work to do with school. But it’s over now and i hope you will like this ! 

N/A:  First, gif not mine but i don’t know who i’m gonna credit on this, i have no clue...This is my first Peter Parker x reader and i hope you all will like it! As always, I remind you that English is not my native language. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you think of the fic! Like, reblogs to support. You can Love you all! xx

Taglist: @angeliquekalampoka @harryhollandsgirlfriend @cedricdiggorysimpp​ - if you want to be notified of all my future writings you can add yourself in my taglist : here

______

As far as you can remember, you've always hated summer. Well, it was partly a lie. You loved the sweltering heat of Queens, the cherry popsicles from Delmar's, not having to worry about what time you had to get up. You liked it but hated the idea of ​​the last two weeks of August.

 This year was no exception. You looked at your half-finished suitcase, a grimace on your face. August still meant the same thing, the same routine: having to spend the last three weeks of his vacation with Peter Parker.

summer 2009

Peter Parker had lost his parents very early on, two years ago. He had lived since then with his aunt May and his uncle Ben. It was your mother's idea to introduce you to each other. Aunt May and your mom were friends from college and luckily, they lived in the same neighborhood. Your first meeting with the one who, many years later, would become Spider-Man, took place on his eighth birthday. You were invited to the party when you weren't even at the same school. Aunt May had simply shared his fears about Peter's difficulty making friends after the trauma he had experienced. Your mother, as the perfect friend that she was, had suggested that Peter and you spend time together.

 There were 3 kids in total at that birthday party, you, Peter - obviously - and a boy from his school whose mother had forced him to be there, too. It was a fact; you were the only girl and you didn't know Peter at all. Your mother walked up to you, got up to your eye level and whispered

 "Can you be nice? May told me she invited Peter's whole class and only this boy came"

 You wanted to please your mother so you nodded before approaching the two boys. Peter and his friend were in the corner of the room, their backs turned to the adults. When you tapping the young boy on the shoulder to make you notice by him, he turned to you with a guilty expression. He had buttercream all over the corner of his mouth and he was holding a cupcake in his hand that looked delicious.

 “My Aunt May tried to bake a cake, but Uncle Ben bought some cupcakes in anticipation. Do you want one?” Peter asked you in a friendly voice

“Why? Is May's cake not good?

“Uncle Ben says that she is not very good at cooking.”

 You let out a little laugh and nodded your head before grabbing the cupcake with a smile. You thanked him and began to taste the little pastry with envy. It was so good! The buttercream was lemony, the cupcake was slightly lemony too but there was a taste you couldn't recognize. You were almost sure you had tasted it before, but you couldn't tell what it was. Peter and the other boy suggested that you go to Peter's room. He wanted to show you the LEGO set his uncle Ben had given him ahead of time and you followed them even though you weren't more excited about the idea.

 And you were right. For several minutes, you were pushed aside while the two young boys spoke spiritedly. You complained several times that you wanted to do something else but Peter didn't seem to listen to you, too excited to finally be able to chat with someone who appreciated Star Wars as much as he did.

 So you were annoyed and slightly angry with Peter but what broke the camel's back is that you started to not feel so good. Your throat was itching and you felt like your tongue was taking up a lot more space in your mouth, getting drier. Peter gave you a distracted look before his eyes widened. He let go of everything he had in his hands before running to his aunt.

 "Aunt May, Aunt May! Y/N's tongue looks like a big, desiccated steak!"

"Peter, don't be rude!" she exclaimed, shocked by her nephew’s words

"No, no come see, she has a huge tongue! I think something is wrong"

 Meanwhile, you ran into the bathroom at Peter's reaction. You weren't sure why he had looked at you like that, but you felt that a few things were wrong. In addition, you were more and more thirsty, your eyes also hurt. And that's when you saw your reflection. You were puffy, your tongue had tripled in size, hence this feeling of dryness and discomfort. It was the same with your throat. You started to cry and when May called you through the bathroom door, you fervently opened it.

 May and your mother's expression of horror was instantaneous and your mother knew exactly what was causing your condition.

 "What did she eat?"

"Nothing..." he tried to escape from being grounded

"Peter, this is very important. What did you eat?"

"We just ate the cupcakes Uncle Ben brought back"

 Ben looked at May with guilty eyes. May had put so much effort into Peter's birthday cake and she felt hurt that they had bought some pastries in anticipation. Your mother was impatiently stamping her foot. It was important to know exactly what you had eaten and above all, you shouldn't waste any more time. Peter felt completely helpless. He had only given a cupcake to his guest, that’s all. What was wrong with giving someone a cupcake?

 "What were those cupcakes flavor?" your mother said impatiently ...

"With lemon and almonds." he said in a very small voice.

 You were panicked. And the eight-year-old that you were was not coping well with stress. Plus, your feeling of being sidelined by Peter and his friend made you feel even worse. So you frowned. You couldn't see a thing but you could feel the torrent of tears escaping your cheeks. You pointed at Peter with rage

 "You tried to kill me !!!" you said somehow with your tongue as big as a little tangerine.

"It's not true!"

"Yes! You are a murderer"

 And you cried even more before your mother takes you to the emergency room as quickly as possible, apologizing for the scene.

 The week later, May forced Peter to apologize for giving you a cupcake, while justifying that he didn't know about your allergy. Your mother forced you to apologize for insulting Peter "a murderer" and accept his apologies.

 But you spent the rest of the vacation arguing with the little guy. After all, you didn't want to be friends with a murderer.

 Summer 2013

Aunt May and your mom didn't let go, however, and every summer you spent three damn weeks with Peter. The summer of your twelve years, you did not thus escape this eternal masquerade but this year, the tide had turned in your favor.

 From the start, you never liked Star Wars. It really wasn't your world. You had always preferred Harry Potter and although Peter had read the books and enjoyed them - which he would never admit to you as that would amount to listing the commonalities you had - he was much more invested in the galactic universe. But on that day, Peter had particularly bothered you. He had first replaced the sugar in your hot chocolate with salt. He kept chanting silly nursery rhymes about you and the downstairs neighbor, insinuating that you were in love: which was not the case. Yes, Peter had been extremely annoying. This time Peter was getting on your nerds by bouncing a small ball against the ceiling as you tried to read your book. Uncle Ben was in the living room watching the sport - you weren't sure exactly which one since it didn't matter to you - so you couldn't go anywhere else to be quiet.

 "Peter, stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked by bouncing the ball once more off his ceiling. You could even make out the smirk on his lips.

"That. Stop it! I can't read."

"This is nothing new."

 You threw him the first thing you found on his desk, c.e, a banana, which he easily dodged. You groaned in frustration. May and your mother didn't understand when you talked about Peter's attitude towards you. He was a calm child, far too shy at school and interested in everything, especially science. He was looking forward to entering Midletown High School in two years. You hated that nerd side about him. Secretly, you were a little jealous of him for being the smartest in the room.

 “I'm gonna hit you so hard you won't know your name anymore”

“ try me, dumbass.”

  A few minutes later, he had finally stopped throwing that damn ball, but obviously Peter's boredom was driving him to find everything the most boring thing than the previous one to drive you crazy. This time, he had simply taken his favorite lightsaber - because he had several - and he was poking your shoulder to get your attention.

 "Parker, stop!"

"Don't you want to drop this book and watch a movie?"

"What do you want to watch? Star Wars? No thanks ..."

"Oh come on, Y / N! I'm sure you'll like it!"

 He patted you on the shoulder once more with his lightsaber.

 "Do you want to play this, Parker?" you said before grabbing one of his other lightsabers

"What are you going to do? I'm sure you don't know how to fight with" he mocked.

 You have lit the glowing plastic stick and you are placed in the guard position.

 "Do you want to bet, knothead?"

 He smiled at you and attacked you first. Strangely, this is what most resembled a moment of bond between Peter and you and deep down, you appreciate it. But you also appreciate that possibility of kicking his ass after he's been so irritating. You responded to his lightsaber attacks with ease and joy. It was playful, childish, but it was one of the few times you had fun with Peter. And you really appreciate it. Your two laughs mingled, echoing in the room.

 But suddenly, as you were trying to dodge an attack from the brunet, your elbow made contact with his face. Peter's muffled cry of pain echoed and you froze. He was holding his nose with a grimace and when he took his hand away you both noticed in horror that he was bleeding.

 "Fuck…"

"Pete..." you started talking

"You blew my nose!" Peter shouted

"I did not do it on purpose!" you defended yourself.

"Of course, you do! You fucking blew my nose!"

"Peter, I swear ..."

 But Peter interrupted you by rushing out of his bedroom looking for his aunt who was in the office as she tried to file the important papers, that Ben and her had received this week. You were livid. First, because you didn't mean to hurt Peter on purpose. Second, you couldn't stand the sight of blood and it was literally everywhere. Peter was leaving trails of droplets on the floor of the apartment.

 "Aunt May?!? Y/N blew my nose! Damn, I'm bleeding!"

 After a brief stint in the ER, the rest of the stay was peaceful as you and Peter avoided each other until the end of the summer.

 Summer 2017

Peter was not the Peter you had always known.

 Since the death of his uncle Ben, the young man had closed in on himself and was even further away. Always so intelligent and discreet but much more distant. He had stopped teasing you or doing things that got on your nerves. He was minding his own business. And even though you had tried to be there for him, not denying him any of the offers he made to you during your stay ... you found him really ... overwhelmed. Which was still understandable.

 But this year was worse than the last. May told your mother that last year Peter got an internship at Stark Industry and attended a seminar in Germany but came back with a black eye. He had been acting most weirdly ever more since then. And you could have witnessed it. In the afternoon, when you were busy, and when it was too hot, when you tried to rest, Peter would disappear for hours. When you caught him sneaking back several times, he made you promise not to tell Aunt May.

 And you were starting to have theories about his nighttime getaways. After all, you were 16 and you too had started dating a few boys. But it never really worked. who knows why?! And when you wondered if Peter had a girlfriend, and who she was - he had to have one in view of all his sneaking out - your stomach twisted in a strange feeling. You didn't understand why the thought of Peter having a girlfriend bothered you so much. Over time, you had learned to be friends. It still happened sometimes that you quarreled but the events of the life made you grow up. Your parents had divorced, Peter had lost his uncle. You could tell yourself that you both had grown.

 And it was one night when Peter was sneaking back in again that you discovered two secrets.

 The first one: He was Spider-Man.

 It was around midnight when you heard the sound of the window opening. Since your childhood and this Machiavellian plan of your mother and Aunt May, you had always slept in Peter's room during holiday and more recently in his bed. The noise alerted you and you got up in a sitting position. But the only thing you saw was a foot, placed on this said window, closing it gently. How the hell was that possible?

 You were ready to scream but your gut told you to look up at the ceiling. A figure hung on it and you were paralyzed. Were you having one of those weird experiences called sleep paralysis? Delicately, silently, you grabbed the first blunt object within reach. A chemistry book that Peter seemed particularly fond of. The figure stepped on the ceiling as you were paralyzed. The form turned to land on the ground and then stood up, still with its back to you. You got up gently from Peter's bed and walked over. The man in the suit whose color you couldn't see took off his mask and you hit the air in an attempt to shoot him down. Peter turned around so quickly and blocked your gesture easily, like a reflex.

 "What the ..."

"Bloody hell".

 You both said at the same time. Your big surprised eyes mirrored Peter's. The curly man let go of your hand with an apologetic expression as you walked away from your friend. You turned on the bedside lamp before you discovered his blue and red costume. A very recognizable costume since it was that of Spider-Man. You winced, a look of judgment and incomprehension on your face. Not bothering to look at his face covered with bruises and traces of blood.

 "What the ... are you sneaking out to go to a costume party?"

"What?! No…No Y/N I’m…”

“Spider-Man? Great costume by the way” you joked.

 For a moment, you completely forgot that you just saw your friend glued upside down to the ceiling. Peter looked at you a little jaded, by the tone of your voice your guess was far from a sincere question but more of a mockery. And right now, the young man needed to be honest with you. He needed you.

 "But, I am."

"Yeah that's it. And I slept with the Winter Soldier. You can't imagine what he can do with his metal arm."

 Peter cut you off by pulling a web with his web shooter, tying your hands. The feel of the canvas was unpleasant, sticky but above all resistant. You let out a little cry of surprise, not powerful enough to pass the walls of Peter's room. Your eyes looked like two big golf balls, realizing that your friend was telling the truth.

 "Omg, You're Spider-Man" you almost spoke too loud.

"Yes and don't make me web your mouth. May doesn't have to know"

"damn, peter. What happened to your face!"

“yeah about that…I need you Y/N, please…”

  And without warning, Peter squeezed the spider in the middle of his costume, at chest level. He winced at the action revealing his bruised chest. He staggered a bit from the action, unsure of his legs and the pain in his sides fierce. You might see several bruises and cuts on your friend's body. You were having difficulty swallowing before you told him you were going to the bathroom to get what you needed. Before leaving the room, he made you promise to be discreet and not tell May anything if she ran into you. When you walk back into Peter's room, he's sitting half-lying on his bed, grimacing. You sit next to him, your heart pounding. You never noticed that he was so built. After all, as a superhero, he had to keep fit. But you couldn't deny that it intimidated you. Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment and a desire you never knew before. He had his eyes closed, as if trying to make the pain go away. And there, looking at him, you found him pretty. he was so cute that you couldn't help but run your hand through his curls to signal your presence and soothe him a bit. But Peter already knew you were there. He had heard your footsteps, he had smelled your scent, a sweet scent he had grown used to in his later years. He sighed softly, more relaxed. You started to clean the few shallow wounds.

 "Does it hurt?" you asked quietly

"Mhmm no, not really."

"Did you win?"

"Ouch..No. Not tonight."

"Sorry." you said more for your gesture rather than the fact that he didn't win the fight against the bad guys.

"No, it's perfect ... it's just a little sensitive"

 You smiled but something was wrong. A feeling you've never felt before. You've finished cleaning up Peter's wounds, but your gaze has darkened. As you were about to get up, the brunette gently grabbed your wrist to hold you back. He could hear your calm breathing and yet your heart was racing. He could feel the heat on your cheeks. He too felt that the tension was at its height. Your mind was muddled, he didn't know why, he wasn't a telepath, but he could see it, feel it. Your body betrayed your mind.

 "Y/N, what is it?"

"I..I don't know." you lied.

"You can tell me everything."

"I ... Well…Seeing you like this ... makes me ... makes me realize that I ... I'm afraid of losing you."

"You won't lose me ... I promise"

 You are ashamed of your vulnerable state. How did you go from hating this boy to having an overwhelming fear of losing him? You looked at those chocolate eyes in confusion and distress. You were now fully aware that the little neighborhood spider was none other than your childhood friend. The one you once loved to hate, tease, fight with over trivia. He was also on the youtube videos, who stopped cars with his bare hands.

 “Y/N… you won’t lose me, I promise.”

 Peter dared to walk slowly towards you and in a surge of courage, one of his hands circled your burning cheek, his lips rested on yours. The brunette had always had a crush on you without actually admitting it. After all, you had known each other since you were children but... your relationship had been rather confrontational. But for two years now, everything had changed for him. He appreciated more and more your little arguments, your teasing. His thoughts would sometimes turn darker when you lick your lips or when your fingers scratched that point behind your ear, when you were a little stressed.

 Your lips moved between them in a harmonious dance and you were now clinging desperately to Peter's slightly sweaty brown curls. Your heart was pounding at a speed close to the point of no return, reluctant to stop suddenly in the face of this overstimulation. But all good things came to an end and you slowly walked away. You bit your lip to get the taste of Peter's back. Your mind wandered, lost in the haze of rushing feelings.

 "You..you should rest ..."

 You ended up pulling away, swallowing hard. That night you didn't sleep. You have studied every facial feature of Peter, thinking of every event since your friendship. The next day, you fooled that nothing had happened. Too scared of what that kiss meant to you.

 Summer 2025

It all happened so quickly. After that summer, the summer of your kiss, you promised yourself that you understood your feelings towards Peter. You weren't going to the same high school and even though you were both on social media, you never dared to contact him. You needed time.

 But you haven't had this time. Peter became full-time Spider-Man and then the aliens came to earth, again. The threat of Thanos hovered and within moments, days, hours ... you were gone under his snap.

 When you returned to your childhood apartment, you were alone. Well, alone in front of the family who lived in this place now. The man in his forties simply believed you were a drug-hunting teenager squatter. Five damn years had passed. 5 years where your mother had a new life when you had been eclipsed. You were distraught, alone and it was by happy coincidence that you found May at the F.E.A.S.T project. It was a relief for you to find a familiar face again. She had suggested that you come and live in her new temporary apartment, allowing you to finish high school without having to move to the other end of the United States, with your mother. You declined your offer. You wanted to fend for yourself. And surprisingly, you did pretty well.

 To be exact, Mr. Delmar was looking for a student to work in his store and was kind enough to greet you in the bedroom of one of his daughters who had gone to college. By the greatest of luck, you've never seen Peter. Or rather, you managed to avoid it for an entire year. You had caught a glimpse of him one day, trying to speak Italian to get a travel adapter and a dual headphone adapter. Did you feel foolish thinking that after so long - could we consider those 5 years to be 5 concrete years? - would it still focus on the kiss you shared? After all, you got away from him after that. And then, everything went in a state of madness.

 Every time you turned on the television, you learned that elemental monsters had attacked a different country. They had first started with Mexico and then moved to Europe. Italy, Prague and then London. A certain Mysterio seemed to be taking care of this matter, but you couldn't help but think of Peter. May told you he was supposed to go to Italy. In fact, every time she went to Delmar's for a sandwich, she gave you an update on her nephew's trip. But it wasn't the craziest.

 Upon his return ... Spider-man's identity was revealed. You had watched in horror the video of Mysterio, which appeared on the Daily Buggle newspaper, accusing Peter of wanting to be the new Iron-Man. You were listening to J. Jonah Jameson falsely accusing Peter of being a murderer. You knew Peter, and there was no way he had done such an act. The video was bogus, you were sure. When you tried to reconnect that summer, you noticed Peter's girlfriend. Michelle Jones and ... and that's what kept you from approaching him. He was already supported. He had his best friend, Ned. His girlfriend, MJ. And he had May. It was enough, wasn't it?

  It was the following year, after a new incredible adventure that you met again.

You worked at the store in the evening. Mr Delmar had asked you to help him out urgently because his youngest daughter had a health problem. You accepted with pleasure. You had offered to babysit his daughter but the loving father he was wanted to be with her. And it was precisely this evening that a thug decided to steal the fund from you.

 You were at gunpoint with your hands up in the air when you saw a red and black mass fall behind the thug.

 "Hey buddy, I think the bank is across the street"

 Spider-Man tapped the thief on the shoulder and dodged a punch.

 "But I think I'll arrest you anyway if you went to the bank. You don't seem like a nice guy." Peter joked.

 You were paralyzed as your friend, your best friend if you were honest, chained or avoided them with agility. You swallowed hard, unable to move or run away. A gunshot rang out and you smelled a scared little vintage. Peter squeezed the barrel of the gun in his hand, deviating from his course. It made sense now to say that he had simply defended himself against the assault. After a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, Peter stared the offender against a fridge door, immobilizing him. He then turned to you, oblivious to your identity at the time.

 "Are you okay there?"

"Peter!"

 You didn't give him the chance to realize and you rushed into his arms, hugging him so tight to feel the comfort of his body against yours.

 "Uh, yeah, you're welcome. Cuddles are nice but ..."

 He paused for a moment and his automated eyes widened. He knew his perfume. The flowery, sweet scents that he had missed so much. Is this possible?

 "Y/N?"

 You let go of him and immediately put his mask back on. Adrenaline was controlling your actions and god damn it, you needed that touch. You kissed him, bluntly. Your lips crushed against his in impatience, in ardor, but too bad. You needed to feel it against you, to regain the feeling that you had felt, years ago. After a few seconds, you felt Peter's hands encircle your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your heart was exploding, the ardor was present in your kiss. You were even frustrated that you couldn't grab her brown curls with full hands, settling for only the base of her hair. You let out a moan before pulling away abruptly. He had a girlfriend.

 "I… I'm sorry. I… Sorry, I didn't mean… MJ… and… please don't blame me."

 Peter silenced you with another kiss, shorter this time but so good.

 “There is no MJ .... Just you and me ... Far Longer Than Forever”

 You looked at him hopefully and then burst out laughing after his words.

 "I didn't know you were so romantic, Parker"

"Shut your mouth."

"Make me"

"You are impossible."

"But obviously, you like"

 He was going to say something to nag you, he was looking for it but you caught him off guard, placing your lips on his again. You could feel his smile in the kiss and you couldn't help but do the same. Anyone living in the neighborhood present in the street would have a view of Spider-Man kissing the student cashier from Delmar. But you couldn't care less. You had waited too long and the joy you were feeling now was so intense, you didn't want to stop feeling this. It is reluctantly that Peter moved away from you apologizing for the fact that he had to go on patrol again.

 "Go save the Spider-Man neighborhood"

"Only if you promise me you'll be there when I get back."

"I was thinking of going to say goodnight to May instead ... But if you want, I have a sleeping bag in the storeroom."

"You are incorrigible .... See you later ..."

"See you later."

 You smiled, in a misty state of bliss as Peter disappeared from view. This time, you weren't planning to escape, you wanted to fall into the webs of Peter Parker. You closed the store after the police visit and headed to May's flat. It was late but with her kindness she welcomed you with open arms.

 This summer ... was the best in years but the others to come were going to be even more wonderful.

[thosequeenboys]

Love Is Love Is Love - Chapter 1 (Ben Hardy x Joe Mazzello)

Summary: Chapter 1: Missed:  Ben returns from a last-minute trip to a joyful reunion on New Year’s Eve.

A/N:  This is for the Hardzzello Week “Missing” prompt.  I loved imagining this story unfold and writing it, so much that I have Chapter 2 almost completed and Chapter 3 in the works for this love story series! Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged. Bolded text is referenced at the end. Other writings featuring Joe and Ben (together and individually) - and those Queen boys, of course, can be found in my Masterlist

Warning:  Brief non-explicit description of sex, mild angst, lots of fluff

tagging: @warriorteam1924 @heybuddy-drabbles @hey-holtzy @lapofthemusicgods @nightoftheland @halfasleepoetry @roger-taylors-car @joemazzhello

Chapter 1: Missed

The warm house Ben entered buzzed with the New Year’s Eve version of Mazzello Fest.  It was just before noon when he arrived, having returned from a sudden trip to London for family business.  The trip went well, but had coincided with the lead up to Christmas and the holiday itself.  He was pleased to have joined in time for the New Year’s celebration at Joe’s mom’s house.

Hearing the car door slam, Joe met Ben eagerly at the front door and helped him out of his coat, moving his luggage to the side of the spacious foyer.  Some of Joe’s family members called to Ben from the kitchen in the back where they gathered at the large table: “Hey Ben, Welcome. Come in.  Get some snacks.”

Ben and Joe embraced. Ben’s arms settled around Joe’s neck, his fingers angling into his hair.   Joe pulled Ben in closely, his arms stretched around Ben’s slender waist moving to his lower back.  They took each other in and held each other tightly, their lips finding each other’s necks and cheeks.  Quiet, satisfied moans escaped their mouths.

“Can I get you anything?” Joe asked, peeling his upper half from Ben, as his hands made their way into the back pockets of the blonde’s jeans.  Joe pressed deeper into the pockets and kneaded him gently, maintaining eye contact with his gorgeous green eyes. 

At another time, they would have kissed passionately, Ben’s hands finding Joe’s back pockets too.  They would have danced each other somewhat clumsily amidst laughs to the bedroom, hastily removing shoes and socks, bringing themselves to the center of the bed.  From there, they would flip each other over and over on the bed, taking turns laying on top of one another and on knees in front and behind each other, covering every inch, all angles of the soft sheeted surface.  They’d remove articles of clothing from each other as the positions allowed, while stealing kisses, caresses and nips on newly exposed skin. They’d delight in each other’s bodies, eager to express their love.  For now, Joe felt grateful that his husband had returned, and he accepted the fact that their skillful bed acrobatics would have to wait, yet again.

“Thanks, Love.”  Ben replied, his arms now on Joe’s shoulders, returning the gaze. “I could use some joe truthfully. I’m so beat, gotta wake up.” Ben craned his neck to scope out the pockets of activity around the house as voices ricocheted off the walls.

“You got him,” Joe smirked, separating from Ben, flipping his hand up with a dramatic flair and dragging it alongside his torso down to his legs.

“Hmmm, very nice. I mean the caffeinated variety.” Ben responded with a smile. His eyes darted to the living room off the foyer from which a lot of activity emanated.

“Ah, Ok,”  Joe said with a wink, relaying the standard order:  “Cuppa Joe, one sugar, light with almond milk, in a big mug, coming right up.”

Joe’s face became very serious.  He grasped Ben’s hands tightly.  “I’ve missed you so much…,” he stared into Ben’s eyes and took a breath, before continuing.  Ben gazed back at him, but was distracted by the raised noise level in the living room that was now punctuated by high squeals and laughter.

“I..I need to ...” Ben said urgently to Joe.

“I know,” Joe interrupted him softly with a warm smile and nod, abandoning the rest of his comment.

Ben smiled back and winked at Joe, releasing him, and then walked through the partially open French doors to the living room.  

Games and toys were strewn over the carpet.  The young players were in various postures behind their chosen amusements, their concentration broken by jolts of laughter and banter.  Heads turned as Ben entered. 

Suddenly, a small slender boy in blue sweat pants and a plaid button-down shirt in multiple blue hues bolted to Ben with outstretched arms.

Ben swept him up in a hug, holding him tightly, burying his face in the small collarbone and turning around slowly to seal the moment. Joe stepped into the room, looking on, and finished the rest of his sentiment under his breath.  “He missed you too.”

“Hey Buddy, I missed you so much.” Ben choked out, his voice rising, emotion overtaking him.

“Daddy!!!” The boy said, burying his head in the crook of Ben’s neck, as his arms grasped around it.

Ben stood still and held him tightly, planting kisses along the soft forehead, cheeks and chin, swaying from leg to leg as he spoke. “Alexander. Francis. Jones-Mazzello.  All days are nights to see till I see thee. And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.” (1)

Ben silently rejoiced and luxuriated in the familiar feeling, wanting time to stand still for just a little while.  A little over 24 months ago, he had no idea this feeling existed, and even now, he could not fully describe it. His love for Joe was infinite and deep, passionate and strong, but his love for this -his- child, Alex, was like none he had ever known. There was a wholeness to his life now he hadn’t known was missing. This relationship gave him fulfillment beyond any measure of professional achievement. And, damn, he was so fun to be around! And, Ben had to admit sheepishly, as Alex was often referred to as Ben’s Mini Me, so beautiful to behold.

Ben’s heart had never felt so full as when he was with this boy.  His angst was never as great as when he was unhappy or in any discomfort.   Ben still had not fully recovered from the night many months ago when the fever suddenly spiked to over 102.  Joe calmly said they needed to go to the hospital right away, hastily packing the bag, his eyes showing a concern that belied his calm voice and actions. At the hospital Joe spoke in depth with the doctor. Ben picked up snippets as he draped himself over the tiny body in the bassinet, touching him with cool hands and bargained with a greater power to have the fever enter him instead.  That ordeal was just one demonstration of Joe as a loving and responsive father and partner who grounded them all, and it was one of the scariest times of Ben’s life. The fever did break late the next evening, and life soon resumed its toddler-focused activities and routines.

Being separated from Alex, as Ben’s work necessitated, required tremendous compartmentalization. Sure, they FaceTimed, but it could not substitute for experiencing the world unfolding side-by-side.  The longing born from separations created a dent in Ben’s heart that never fully went away. Even when they reunited, it stayed as a reminder to cherish the times together and imprint them.  Another, longer trip loomed in the new year, but Ben didn’t let that thought enter this sacred moment.  

Their tender, poetic reunion was interrupted as Alex dissolved into a burst of giggles and squirms. Ben eased him down reluctantly. Holding Alex provided a type of calm and love he had never experienced, a special physicality.   “Daddy, sit here and watch me do the puzzle.” Alex said, running to bring the puzzle.

“Ok, Mate,” Ben said, sitting on the floor and locking eyes with Joe, who was misty-eyed.

“I’ll get your coffee,” Joe said, lingering a moment to see Alex plant him in the space between Ben’s crossed legs and Ben’s hands naturally settle on the toddler’s knees.

After quickly putting the five ocean animals in the wood board cut-outs, Alex tossed it and launched himself off of Ben, moving to a puzzle with 12 pieces.

“That’s too hard for you, Alex,” warned Jessie, Joe’s oldest niece (2). Undeterred, Alex separated the shapes by color and angle and then tried piecing them together in the frame.  

Ben reached for a shape sorter near him.  “Hey, Alex, want to try this?” he asked, concerned Alex would get frustrated. Alex ignored him, fully concentrating on the puzzle and having some success.

Joe entered and set the coffee on a table next to where Ben sat on the floor and stood beside him. Joe’s mother trailed behind.  Jessie’s dad, Joe’s brother-in-law, Pete, entered the room too and scouted the action. His eyes landed on Alex.  “Wow, he’s actually putting it together.  That’s amazing.  Seriously, guys, that’s advanced.”

“Then there was that…numbers incident on Christmas.” Joe’s mother commented as she watched her youngest grandson finger the puzzle pieces pensively and work to connect them.

“Numbers incident.” Ben repeated. “Sounds like something having to do with National security.   Did he break a code for the government? What did he do?” he asked jokingly intrigued, though he felt sadness having missed an important milestone, which seemed to happen more as time went by.  It had only been a little over a week, but much had transpired. In this new life, time was measured less in days and more in moments.

“He set out the building blocks with the numbers in order and counted to 10. Correctly.”  Joe’s mother said, impressed.

“Alright, alright,” Joe said. “I wouldn’t call Mensa yet.  He’s obviously just copying his older cousins.  Trying to keep up.  Though I might be bold and take credit for the counting,” Joe smirked, letting out a laugh.  “The Count was always my favorite Muppet on Sesame Street,” he declared, “and I have tried to pass on my passion for counting.”

Ben burst out laughing, and Alex joined in.  “I like The Count too!  I count with Papa,”  he said, looking at his dads laughing together.

“You certainly do,” Joe exclaimed, going over to give Alex’s hair a tussle.

“Hey, Uncle Ben,” Joe’s oldest nephew chimed in.  “Can we go out back and play soccer.”  

“Uh, Football?” Ben laughed. “Sure.  Ok, anyone wanting to join, get your trainers on.” Ben was always up for some football and enjoyed spending time with the nieces and nephews, though in this moment, all he wanted to do was curl up with Alex.  Alex, however, was always eager to join his older cousins. He abandoned the almost-finished puzzle and raced over to Joe for help with his sneakers.

The nieces and nephews proceeded to the backyard, and Ben set up goals with sticks.  As they passed the ball between each other, Alex ran alongside Ben, trying in vain to keep up.  The winter day was unseasonably warm and the sun bright. They quickly abandoned their jackets.  After a half hour, Joe’s mom called them in for lunch.  The timing was perfect.  Ben suddenly felt hungry and ready to crash, and Alex looked tired too.  “How about we take a nap after lunch?” Ben said, bending down to Alex, rubbing their noses together.  He stood up and held Alex’s hand as they walked into the house together. “Thanks, Uncle Ben,” the chorus of nephews and nieces said.

Following lunch, Ben helped Alex out of his booster seat, swinging him low on his hip.  “We’re heading up for a nap,” he said to Joe, who nodded, deep in conversation with his brother.  Ben brought his suitcase upstairs, as Alex climbed the steps slowly behind him.

In the bedroom, Ben took off his shirt which was damp with sweat and change into a fresh pair of sweatpants. He undressed Alex, changed his diaper and put him in a short-sleeved onesie with clean sweatpants.

“You tired, Babe?” he cooed. Alex nodded sleepily in response. The portable crib was set up at the foot of the bed, but Ben settled Alex in the double bed. Ben curled next to him, pulling him into his bare chest and brushing his blonde hair back.  Ben reveled in his warmth and his familiar scent, a mix of their sandalwood soap, Johnson’s baby shampoo and the faint smell of Desitin.  

Joe entered the room.  “My soon-to-be sleeping beauties.  Good you’re napping.  We have a long night ahead of us.  We pulled out all the stops for tonight: noise-makers, hats, light necklaces and other treats. It will be a wild party indeed!”

“Hmm, sounds fun,” Ben managed, snuggling Alex and planting light kisses on his bare arm.  

“Birthday party?” Alex asked.

“No, New Year’s Eve party…we say goodbye to this year and welcome the new one, which starts after midnight.” Ben said, giving Alex a hug, trying to prevent him from get riled up.

Joe eyed his two loves spooned together. If it were up to Ben, Alex would sleep in their bed every night. Co-sleeping was an area on which they didn’t always agree. A few months ago, they decided he could share their bed only for a special situation.  The criteria were not always clear, and Joe was known to give in, eager for the presence of their son and Ben’s contentment.  “Well, I guess this qualifies as a special situation. You’ve been away unplanned for over a week, and it’s New Year’s Eve.” Joe ribbed Ben with a big smile.   He loved seeing them together and expected that after being away, Ben would want Alex next to him as much as possible.

“Yeah, it is special. Missed this sweet boy…and his papa.” Ben said, his voice fading with impending sleep.  His arm settled lightly around Alex, and Alex put his small hand over Ben’s knuckles.  Their breathing steadied together and in a few minutes, they were asleep.  

Joe approached the bed and covered them with the sheet and comforter. He planted kisses on each of their cheeks and smoothed each of their blonde heads.  “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love is deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” (3) Joe said softly, before he backed out of the room and shut the door softly behind him, pleased that his boys were resting, but eager for them to wake to continue their sweet reunion -- and start the new year together.

Notes

Sonnet 43, William Shakespeare

I’ve retained the names of Joe’s family members from my 36: Reset fic

Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare, Act II, scene ii

[psychospeak-blog]

Won’t Go Slowly // 59

One // Two  // Three // Four // Five // Six // Seven // Eight // Nine // Ten // Eleven // Twelve // Thirteen // Fourteen // Fifteen // Sixteen // Seventeen // Eighteen // Nineteen// Twenty // Twenty One // Twenty Two // Twenty Three // Twenty Four// Twenty Five // Twenty Six // Twenty Seven // Twenty Eight // Twenty Nine // Thirty // Thirty One // Thirty Two // Thirty Three // Thirty Four// Thirty Five // Thirty Six // Thirty Seven // Thirty Eight // Thirty Nine // Forty // Forty One // Forty Two // Forty Three // Forty Four // Forty Five // Forty Six // Forty Seven // Forty Eight // Forty Nine // Fifty // Fifty One // Fifty Two // Fifty Three // Fifty Four // Fifty Five // Fifty Six // Fifty Seven // Fifty Eight

A/N: I don’t know what to say than I love you guys, thanks for sticking with me, and smut-ish warning 

The first thing you noticed when you woke up the next morning was that the bed felt empty, and the house felt quiet.  The second thing that you noticed was that the bassinet was empty, but you weren't worried, instead just grabbing a zip-up from the base of your bed, and wrapping it around your shoulders after you shook the dog hair off it.  You padded throughout the house, noticing that it was incredibly quiet still, the house empty.  You turned to look out your front window and you smiled as you saw Gerry's tail wagging as he sniffed around the tree in your front yard.  You hummed to yourself as you turned on your coffee maker, gathering mugs for both you and Tyler. You added a couple of teaspoons of sugar to his and dash of coconut milk, and some chocolate almond milk to yours, and then you picked them both up, walking into your front hallway and then you took both handles of the mugs into one hand so you could open your front door, Tyler turning to look at you from where he was seated on you front steps, Bentley in one arm and held on his lap, half wrapped up in his blanket, and his pacifier hanging from his mouth. He smiled when he saw you, and it dropped from his mouth, Tyler trying to catch it but failing, leaving in resting against his leg.  

"There she is," Tyler said, and you grinned at Bentley, coming in to sit next to them, and you sat the two coffee mugs behind you.

"Good morning," you said, leaning over to kiss Tyler, and then you planted kisses on the top of Bentley's head.  "Yes, hi, Gerry," you said, laughing as all the dogs had to come up to say hello to you.  

"You weren't supposed to get up yet," Tyler said, pouting a little.

"Why not?" you laughed.

"Because I was gonna bring you coffee in bed," he said, "and maybe see if I could figure out how to make you breakfast.  "But these guys has other plans."

"You can tomorrow," you said, "I can't believe I didn't hear him crying."

"Oh, he wasn't really crying," Tyler said, bouncing Bentley a little, "I just woke up and Gerry was standing over me, and he wanted food pretty much as soon as he saw my eyes were open.  And I checked on Bentley before i went into the kitchen and his eyes were open, and then he started whimpering or something, so I picked him up but and then he was fine."

Bentley now, though, started crying, his face scrunching up, and Tyler laughed, passing him over you, where he quieted.  

"What?" Tyler asked playfully, leaning in towards Bentley, and using his thumb to wipe up a bit of drool, "We were all cool, then your mom comes and ditch me."

You laughed, looking at Bentley, who was now just watching Tyler.  "No, he wanted me to hold him so he could look at you."

"Nah, he just wants you," Tyler said, kissing at Bentley's neck like he was trying to tickle him, and Bentley made a noise that was so close to being a laugh, but came out closer to a squeal and you smiled.

"How long have you guys been up?"

"I don't know, 15, 20 minutes?" Tyler said, "We changed him, and then we fed the dogs breakfast, and then they wanted to come outside, so we've just been watching them."

"Did you help feed the dog's their breakfast?" you asked Bentley.

"No, he didn't really do anything actually," Tyler said, "You're probably gonna have to have a talk with him, he doesn't seem to be doing anything to pull his weight around here."

"Well, good thing he doesn't weigh very much."

"Yeah, but he's gaining more and more weight every day," Tyler said, smiling, his eyebrows raised at you as he took a sip of his coffee.  You were about to warn him to be careful when he went to put it back down, but he placed it out of Bentley's reach.  "No, you don't want that, it's hot, it might hurt you."

You smiled, watching though as Bentley seemed like he really had his heart set on holding that coffee cup.  "You want to hold this?" You asked, taking the pacifier from where it was resting on the top of the stairs moving the attached stuffed animal towards Bentley's open hand.  

"Oh, that fell on the ground, don't give him that," Tyler warned.

"I'm just giving him the toy part, he doesn't know how to put it in his mouth yet," you said, smiling at Tyler's concern.  "And he seems pretty happy right now I don't think he even wants his pacifier."

"Yeah, he's chill," Tyler said.  "I thought he'd be hungry when he woke up.  Well, I guess he could be hungry, but he's not mad about it."

"I fed him like an hour and a half or maybe two hours ago, so he might not be ready yet."

"You did?" Tyler asked, "how did I not know that?"

"You asked me if I needed anything."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you always do," you laughed, "and then you never remember it in the morning."

"Well, at least I'm still considerate in my sleep."

"Well, you get up when I ask for something," you said, leaning against him, a little to bump his shoulder.  "And look at you, changing diapers and stuff."

"Well, I was trying to let you sleep," he said, "I didn't want to wake you up, so I'm glad he didn't want food, I wanted you to sleep." He leaned over to kiss you on the temple.

"Well, you could have given him a bottle."

"Yeah, I thought about that," he said, running his hand through his hair.  "I didn't want to do that without asking you though."

"Why?" You asked, leaning around to hold Bentley's toy towards his hand.  "You've given him bottles before."

"Yeah, when you're awake."

"Why does that matter?"

"Because you're his mom."

"Yeah, I'm aware," you laughed.

"Well, I don't want to mess up you feeding him."

"It won't," you said, "I can always pump if I have to, it's fine."

"Yeah, but I just don't want to.." Tyler started, "I don't want to overstep my bounds."

"Oh, you're not, Tyler," you said, laughing at just the thought that he was worried about it.

"I know, but.." he said, toying with a strand of thread that was hanging from the arm of your zip-up, like he was contemplating ripping it off.  And you did know.  That he was scared, and that he didn't feel ready, and that he was constantly second guessing himself, and that he thought he might do something wrong, or not agree with you, and then you'd end up fighting about it.  

"It's not a big deal for you to make him a bottle," you said, but Tyler still looked tentative, and like he wanted to say something but didn't know how, so you leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. "I really, really love when you get to give him bottles, and spend your own time with him."

"No, I like that, too," Tyler said, his hand running over the back of his neck.

"You have really, really good instincts," you said, "You should trust them."

"Evidently if they lead me to you," Tyler grinned, and then paused where he was leaning towards you.  "Is that the right word? Evidently?"

"Yes," you laughed, and he smiled right before he pressed his lips to yours.

"I just didn't know what you wanted me to do about that, and if you'd be okay," he said, "Mostly I was just worried about your boobs.  And your milk and stuff.  Also, you always heat it up and I don't want to burn him."

"I really, really don't think you would," you said, "and if he's hungry, I want him to eat.  It's the same thing, anyways, I'd be a little pissed if you gave him formula without us talking  about it."

"Well, I wouldn't do that."

"Exactly," you said.

"I don’t think he likes bottles very much though."

"Well, he  takes it."

"Yeah, but he looks up at me like 'what the hell is this? This isn't the real thing'"

"I think you're projecting."

"Nope," Tyler said decidedly.  "I promise you, he really, really like boobs."

You shook your head, your hands holding Bentley's chest and back so he was sitting up, watching him take in the June morning.  

"Whatcha looking at?" Tyler asked, leaning in so he could see from Bentley's point of view, his hand moving over yours, and then he started pulling at that dang thread again.

"Don't," you said, pulling away from him, "You're gonna wreck my sweatshirt."

"Oh, your sweatshirt?" Tyler said, grinning like he was victorious, "Funny, it has my number of it."

"Well, you don't own the number," you retaliated, and Tyler started laughing.

"No, but I bought that sweatshirt."

"Did you though?" you challenged, grinning the whole time, and Tyler's expression dropped, a smirk creeping onto his lips.

"Okay, but the box had my name on it."

"And do you have proof of that?"

"Do you see what your mom's doing?" Tyler asked nuzzling against Bentley, "She's stealing from me."

"You said I could borrow your clothes."

"Oh, so now you admit that its mine," Tyler said, "and I'm never getting them back, am I?"

"Nope," you said, wrapping it tighter around you.  "It's smells like you."

"What do I smell like?" Tyler laughed.

"I don't know," you said.  "Like cozy, and warm and stuff."

"Awe," Tyler said, leaning around you, pulling the blanket around Bentley, and kissing you several times on the temple.  

"Plus, your stuff is bigger so it's more comfortable."

"Are you calling me fat?" Tyler laughed.

"No, just like, broader," you said.  "And none of my pre-pregnancy clothes seem to fit."

"Because your boobs are huge?"

"No," you said, and he gave you a stern look, "okay, maybe, yeah, but more so my stomach and my hips, I've probably got like 15 or 20 pounds left to lose."

"I don't know, your body looked pretty awesome to me last night."

You felt your face flash hot for a second, and then you realized that you shouldn't feel shy or embarrassed, not with him now. "No, I don't mean...my body's just different."

"Yeah, 'cuz your body made a freakin' human being," Tyler said.  And while you still felt in awe of what the female body could do, you couldn't help but feel the awe he had for what you did, like you were the only woman in the world who had ever given birth to a baby.

"Yeah," you smiled at Bentley tucked against you, "I know."

"How are you feeling, by the way?" Tyler asked, tucking  his head against your shoulder.

"I feel fine?" You asked, and Tyler chuckled a little.

"I meant after last night," he said, nuzzling against you, "you sore or anything?"

"Umm..." you said, and then you noticed Tyler looking at you sternly, and realized that he was going to know if you weren't 100% truthful. "A little bit, yeah."

"I'm sorry," Tyler said, nuzzling into you even further, placing loving kisses on your neck, his arm coming to wrap around you.

"It's not your fault," you promised.  "I'm not, like, it pain, just a little sore.  I've heard its normal, though.  It might just be...different for a bit." Really, it was more like you were just very aware that he'd been inside you each time you'd moved now, which was not really something you wanted to talk about when you had your son in your lap.

"Well, like I said, I'm very willing to work through our differences," Tyler said, and then frowned as he pulled himself away from you, blinking, "That does not sound like what I meant."

"I know what you meant," you laughed, and then smiled when Tyler kissed you softly.

"Good," he said, whispering against your lips.

You looked into his eyes for a moment, a question creeping into your mind.  "Was it different?" You asked, "For you?"

"Yeah," Tyler said, dragging out the word, and you felt your chest clench for a moment, until he laughed a little.  "Before it felt kinda...like I was against the clock or something, like everytime I thought either you were gonna find out you were pregnant, and then we'd have to stop, or, like, she might not let me have sex with her again.  This time was slower. Well, it was kinda not slow, but not as fast as I was worried about it being."

"Were you actually that nervous?" You laughed.

"Yes," he said sheepishly. "I wanted it to be good for you."

"Well, it's not like it's the first time we've been together, I know you're good."

"Well, duh," Tyler said, grinning.  "Seriously though, I was googling all that shit like crazy and there's so much conflicting information,like it says oral sex is great but you weren't into it."

You laughed at Tyler running his hand his hand through his hair, making a face like this couldn't possibly make sense to him. "No, no  that was good," you clarified, "it was more just-"

"Oh, so you do want it," he said, kissing playfully at your neck, and you felt the sudden rush of heat flow through you, only to be reminded of the babbling baby in your lap.

"Anyways," you said, "it was more just that I wanted to actually do it, like i didnt know what it was gonna be like, it if he was gonna wake up, or.."

"You wouldn't do that," Tyler said to Bentley, brushing their noses together.  "Nuh-uh, not when we're doing adult things, you gotta help me get laid, huh?"

"Stop," you laughed, leaning to kiss Bentley's head, just wanting to keep him innocent forever.

"So he probably won't wake up when we're touching because we have a deal, but even if he does its fine," Tyler said, "well, not fine, fine  I'd be a little sad its not like we can't just pause it, take care of him, then get back to the fun."

"Yeah, but..it like might kind of ruin the mood."

"For me or for you?" Tyler asked, his eyebrows raised and a sly grin creeping onto his face.

"Both?" You asked, and Tyler laughed.

"Yeah, I've got a beautiful girl, who totally loves me as much as I love her, and we're so good together, and we feel so damn good together," he said, "yeah, I can totally see why I wouldn't get turned on."

"Tyler..."

"Seriously, it's not an issue for me," he said, taking care to look you in the eyes, "I can see how it might be for you, though, because you're always thinking about him and worrying about him and stuff, and you could be having changes in sex drive.."

"Oh, could I?" You reacted, laughing at his expression.

"I don't know," Tyler said, holding his hands up like he was innocent.  "That's just what I read.  Although I don't really know what the point of the article was, it was all pretty much just common sense."

"Was it?" You said, laughing slightly just because of the topic of the conversation,  "What did it say?"

"Just that you're going through a lot of changes, that things might be different but it's totally normal, and even when you've got kids, it's not like your sex life is just over, it's gonna get better," he said, "Also that there's plenty, plenty of ways to be intimate, and affectionate, which I 100% agree with."

He was kissing softly at your neck and jaw as he did said so, and you laughed when he just brushed his beard against your cheek playfully.  "You really, really prepared for this, huh?"

"Well, I didn't spend hours on it or anything, but I got some stuff, you know."

"Yeah, how long have you had those condoms in your car for?" you laughed.

"Uhh..like since two or three days after you told me you loved me too," Tyler said, scratching the back of his head.

"Oh my god.."

"Hey, if stuff started happening I wasn't gonna say no," He said, "I didn't know you'd already figured out the whole birth control thing, when you'd get that done?"

"After he was born," you said.

"Like right after?"

"Mhmm..you were there."

"I do not remember any of this."

"Well, I think you were with him, when they were checking him out and stuff."

"Oh," he said, smirking, "So someone was already thinking about having sex with me after."

"No," you laughed.  "it's for my endometriosis, but it just happens to be good birth control, too.  But we always can use condoms, too, if you're worried.  Like, I haven't had my period yet... but it's could be possible, I guess."

"Well, do you think we need to use two methods?"

"No, but it's not just my decision."

"No condoms, then," he said.  And you looked away a little, and then back at him.

"What if we get pregnant by accident though?" you asked tentatively.

"Then we would probably have another baby," Tyler said, smiling just a little.  "I mean, ideally we'd plan for number two when we're ready, but if it happened, I don't know, sometimes amazing things happen you weren't planning for.  It wouldn't be the worst thing, would it?"

"No, no it wouldn't be the worst thing," you said, smiling down at Bentley in your arms, "But I am really not ready yet."

"Oh, me neither," Tyler said, "But you're on birth control.  I think, I think it'd be good."

"Yeah, me too," you said, smiling, and Tyler leaned over to kiss you.  "He needs to sleep through the night first."

And he kind of needs to call Tyler his dad, too.

"Mmmyeah, the more he sleeps, the more time we have for foreplay and we don't have to rush," he said, his eyebrows raised.  "Although apparently moms like different types of foreplay."

"Wait, like what?"

"Putting the baby to bed, changing diapers," Tyler said, "I bet you couldn't stop thinking about how sexy I was when he peed all over me."

"Oh yeah, totally," you said sarcastically, and then a thought crept into your mind.

"Which is not why I'm doing that stuff, by the way," Tyler said a moment later, like he'd had the same thought, moving his face closer to Bentley and kissing his forehead.  "It's just pretty cool that I get to help take care of you, y'know?"

"It's awesome, isn't it?" you asked, "Like even when he's crying inconsolably, I still can't believe I get to be his mom."

You smiled as Bentley screeched, moving his little hands up in the air, and Tyler mimicked him, while Bentley proceeded to try and stuff his entire fist into his mouth, leaving his hands and his cheeks all drooly.

"He's talking so much lately," you said.

"Yeah, he's got things to say," Tyler said, as Marshall came over to investigate, sniffing and Bentley's chest and then his face, and Bentley's eyes went wide as he made even more noise, and you took his hand in his, using it to run his hands over Marshall's fur.  

"Can you say 'Good boy, Marshall?" Tyler asked, and then you both laughed at Bentley's babbling.  "Uh...that's kinda close, but I think we maybe need to practice it a bit more...Gerry!"

Tyler immediately leaned forward, pulling the stuffed toy part from Bentley's pacifier.  "That is not yours," he scolded, looking back at Bentley, "Okay, you need to learn how to say "'Good dog, Marshall and Cash' and 'Bad Dog, Gerry'"

"Oh no," you said, rubbing a rather guilty looking Gerry behind the ears.  "Gerry's a good dog."

"Okay, I'll just give this back to him then.."

"No!" you said, snatching it out of Tyler's hand, and Tyler laughed. "That's the one thing I really don't want him to have of Bentley's and its the thing he wants most."

"What? So you're not gonna be mad if he eats all of Bentley's other toys?"

"Not really, no, they need to learn to..." you started.  And then you realized you couldn't really say live together, because it wasn't like you were actually living together, it was more just like your lives were just kind of overlapping and blending at the edges, so you half of the dogs' toys had made their way into your house, while you had a stash of blankets and diapers at Tyler's house.

"They need to what?" Tyler asked, laughing at you.

"They need to learn how to share," you said.

"You hear that, Ger?" Tyler said now, "Mom says you're gonna have to be grounded because you weren't sharing with your brothers.  You better go to your room. "

"No," you said, wrapping your arms around Gerry, who had started waving his tail a couple of times, like he was hopeful that he was no longer in trouble.  "Look how guilty he looks, he's sorry."

"Well maybe he shouldn't have done that then."

"He didn't mean to," you said, "He's like 'Sorry Dad, I just don't know how to tell the difference between Bentley's toys and my toys yet, and I get really, really excited because I just want to play with him."

"Awe, it's okay," Tyler said, rubbing Gerry behind the ears and Gerry, seeing his in, started crawling on top of Tyler pushing him back onto the porch, while Tyler groaned and shut his eyes as Gerry started licking his face.  "Oh," Tyler said, groaned and then grimaced, turning his head to look at you. "I don't know if we can have anymore kids, I think Gerry just decided we're done."

"Oh no," you laughed.

"Don't laugh, you don't understand," Tyler said, still wincing, and Bentley smiled like he found the faces Tyler was making amusing.  "Hey, little man, you're supposed to be on my side."

"He saw what I went through to get him here, he has no sympathy."

"Yeah, but men aren't as tough as women, everyone knows that," Tyler said, wincing as he sat up now.

"Are you actually okay?" you asked, leaning towards him now.

"I will be, I just need you to hold me," he said, and you wrapped your free arm around him as he leaned against you, and you pat his head a couple of times.  "You can kiss it better if you want," Tyler said, and then immediately started laughing at himself.

"Yeah, so you're totally fine," you said, and Tyler shifted a little against you, like he didn't want to move. He did move, though, once Bentley had decided he was ready for his breakfast, making the two of you some toast while you fed the baby, toes in the grass and keeping an eye on the dogs.  You are your toast and finished your coffee and your breakfast enjoying the quiet morning, Bentley laid out on his blanket on the grass once he was done eating, both you and Tyler flanking him so that the dogs didn't accidentally jump on him.  He seemed to get a little annoyed not too long after you'd finished eating that he was stuck on his back, so you picked him back up before he started full-blown crying. "You and I should probably go get ready to go, huh? Is that what you're thinking?"

Tyler groaned a little as he stood back up, but he extended his hand towards you for your plate, so you were free to grab Bentley's blanket as well.  "Thank you."

"Mhmm," Tyler mumbled, kissing you softly, and you sensed him and the dogs following you into the house.  He went into the kitchen while you took Bentley into his room, smiling when Gerry looked at you right before he jumped up into the glider.  

"Oh, I'm not putting him down right now, Gerry," you laughed, going to pull out a clean onesie from the dresser to change Bentley into.  You were just putting his arms through when Tyler stepped in the room, leaning against the door and frowning a little.  

"What's up with him?" Tyler asked, nodding towards Gerry who was giving you puppy dog eyes.

"He thought it was time to rock."

"Awe," Tyler said, going over to move Gerry over to give him enough room to sit down,  and then he started rubbing Gerry behind the ears.  "I know, bud, it's not fair they're leaving us "

"Well, you're leaving, too," you said, picking Bentley up, and then all of the other boys got up, following you into your bedroom, where Marshall and Cash proceeded to jump up on your bed.  Tyler made a whining noise from behind you, curling his body around yours from behind.  "What's wrong with you?" you laughed.

"I don't want you to leave," he said, rocking back and forth with you and then smacking kisses along your neck.  "Where are you guys going again?"

"Barre class."

"You're taking your baby to the bar?" Tyler gasped, and then he laughed, while you tried to press your lips together to keep from laughing.

"Your jokes are getting worse, I swear to god." you said.

"It wasn't a joke," Tyler said, and you could see him struggling to be serious, "I really don't think you should take him to the bar, you should stay home, and we can cuddle, or hang out and play with toys with Bentley.  I'm gonna be too lonely if you leave."

"Well, you're going to the gym, Tyler, and I'm gonna take him, and then we'll meet back here."

"But I don't want to," Tyler said, flopping down onto the bed.

"Well, you kind of have to, it's your job," he said, and he looked longingly at you."

"Okay, I know we're in a relationship now, but I don't want to be a distraction."

"You're not distracting me," he said, "You could just come with me, then I could show off."

"Yeah, that's an awesome place to take a baby," you said, grabbing your leggings out of the drawer.

"Finnnneee," he whined again, rolling onto his side, a sly smile on his face.  "Then take me with you."

You thought for a moment, looking for your sports bra now, "I mean you could."

"Wait, actually?" Tyler asked. "I'm allowed? I was just joking."

"Yeah, partners are allowed."

"Oh, am I your partner?"

"Well, yeah," you smiled, and Tyler grinned back at you, petting the dogs.

"So what is this exactly? Like legs?"

"Yeah, and core and glutes, and there's some upper body toning and stuff.  It's kind of like pilates and yoga, and then there's some stuff with the ballet barre, it's alot of little stabilizer muscles and stuff."

"Are you sure I'm going to be able to do this?"

"Yeah," you said, going to set Bentley down on your bed so you could get changed, and Cash crawled towards him on the bed, sniffing at him.  "You'll probably have to do your own thing after, I don't think it'll be too challenging for you."

"Umm..I'm pretty sure it will be, have you ever seen me try to do yoga or pilates? It's so hard."

"Well, this is for women who have just had babies, so it's not hardcore or anything."

"So are there no guys there?"

"Umm..I've only been to this class once, but there was a guy, at the yoga class," you said, looking over at him, "Is that gonna be weird?"

"Nope, I know at least one guy whose gonna be there," Tyler said, moving towards Bentley and tickling his chest and then grabbing his arm and then saying, "and one and two," as he moved it up and down, and Bentley gurgled at him.  

"And they also just encourage you to do whatever your baby needs, so people change diapers there or feed their baby, and sometimes there's a lot of crying."

"Yeah, that's fine," Tyler said, easily propping his hand up in his hand and watching over Bentley.  "That's kind of how I expected it to be."

"Well, there will probably be women breastfeeding."

"Yeah, I love breasts," Tyler said, "And I love fed and happy babies."

"Okay, but you can't, like stare at them, because it might make them uncomfortable," you said.  "It's just supposed to be a really supportive environment for new moms. And you're probably going to be the only guy there."

A guy who happened to be a professional athlete.

Tyler looked up from where he was patting Cash, chuckling a little. "Do you not want me to come?"

"No, I do," you said, moving closer to him, so you could lean over and kiss him, "I just don't want you to be bored."

"I don't think I'll be bored," he smiled, shutting his eyes as he smiled.  

"Yeah, it'll be fun if you come," you said, kissing him once more, and then you turned to Bentley.  "Are you excited that Uncle Ty-Ty's gonna come with us? Are you gonna show him what it's all about?"

"Just remember it's my first time, so don’t judge my form too much," Tyler said to him, his finger slipping between Bentley's and then looked to you, his finger still grasped it Bentley's fist.  "What does he think about it? Does he like it?"

"Yeah," you smiled, "He loves it, there's so many things to look at."

"Oh, I bet," Tyler said.

"He only really cried once but that was just because he got hungry," you said, pulling your hair into a ponytail as you went into the bathroom.  You could hear Tyler talking to Bentley as you got changed through the half open door, hearing him saying that he didn't blame him, that he would start crying, too, if he got hungry. You heard the door push open as you were just pulling your yoga pants on.

"Mmmmyeah, I love those pants," you heard Tyler say from behind you. "Can I just put my mat right behind yours? This is the view I want."

"Stop," you laughed, standing up and then you saw him in the mirror, his arms empty.  "Where's Bentley?"

"On the bed," Tyler said, looking out into the bedroom and then back at you, "Was I not supposed to leave him?"

"No," you said, stepping to the side so you could see Bentley on the bed, with Cash laid out by his side and Marshall curled up behind his head, not wanting Tyler to feel like he did something wrong, because you didn't ask him to stay there. "I just worry about him with the dogs."

"Oh, yeah, Gerry's the one I'm worried about, and he's not in here," Tyler said, but he went to go pick up Bentley anyways, kissing him on the side of the head.  "You're okay, huh?"

"Oh, I'm not worried they're gonna hurt him, its just when they're on the bed, I'm worried they're gonna stand up and then he's gonna go flying off."

"Well, its a bed, not a trampoline, babe," Tyler laughed.

"Okay, I know," you said, laughing, "I just don't want him to get bumped accidentally, he's so little next to them, and know they're aware of him on the floor, but....I don't really even know when it's okay to leave a baby alone with dogs."

"Yeah, I dunno."

"I don't know if I really trust him on the bed when we're not watching, he's getting kind of wiggly."

"Nah, he's chilling," Tyler said, holding him with one arm easily.  "We don't need to get his bad ready, do we? It's still got stuff in it from last time, right?"

"No," you smiled, looking down at Tyler's shorts and legs. "Do you need to get changed? I can grab his Dockatot."

"Nah, I don't have tights like yours, but I can get some though if you want," Tyler asked, his eyebrows raised, "I'd only wear them for you in private though."

"Oh wow," you mumbled, as you ran your hand over your face, and you could hear Tyler giggling behind you.

"Just get your cute butt ready, don't worry about me."

You finished getting changed, but you glanced at Tyler out of the corner of your eye, and started laughing.  "What are you doing?"

"Practicing," he said.  He was holding Bentley with both arms to his chest now, and then jumping up, doing some type of little flick thing with his legs, that you could only assume was meant to be ballet inspired.  

"Well, be careful," you laughed, going to grab a clean pacifier from your nightstand.

"I won't drop him," Tyler promised.

"No, I know you won't," you smiled, "But he just ate, I don't want him to throw up on you."

"Oh," Tyler said,just swaying back and forth with Bentley now, whose eyes were on you.

"Are you dancing?" You asked him, and he smiled, his head jerking back a bit, and Tyler steadied it with his hand.

"He's gonna be really good once he gets complete control of his head," Tyler said.  

A few minutes later it was you who was holding Bentley as you walked into the studio, and you felt all the eyes in the the room move towards you,and then to Tyler behind you.  He didn't seem to notice everyone looking at him, though, instead he just grabbed a couple mats and then followed you over to where there was an empty blanket set out for the babies, setting the diaper bag down he had around his arm, and then seeming to take note of what else you needed.  "What weights do you want,babe?"

"Uhh... two's?"

"Two's?" He repeated with surprise.

"Yeah, I just had a baby, Tyler, I haven't been exercising the same."

"Yeah, but you're strong, you carry him around all day, no problem," he said, scratching the back of his neck.  "Now, I don't know what the hell....er, heck, sized weights I should use."

You cracked a smile, sitting down with Bentley, and then watching Tyler walk over to the weight rack, where he seemed to contemplate the selection, and then you tried not to laugh when he tried to grab a couple of balls and then proceeded to knock the others out of place, too, and had to try and stop them from rolling around with his foot, trying to carefully put them back so they wouldn't move.

"He looks nervous," Rebecca said from beside you, from where she was sitting with her little girl like you were with Bentley, and you laughed, turning Bentley so he could look at them.  "Whose that? Is that your friend, Adrianna?" you asked him, looking back over your shoulder at Tyler, "Yeah, I think he is a little bit," you said, because Tyler was suddenly acting like he quite didn't know quite how to work his limbs.

"How'd you get him to come?"

"He just wanted to," you said, shrugging.

"Are you kidding me?" she laughed, bouncing her baby, "I've been trying to get my husband to come with us for weeks."

"Well...." you said, about to say that it was new, and that maybe that was why he was so eager to want to spend time with you, but then you'd have to explain that you had a baby together anyways, but you heard Tyler walking back behind you and turned just in time to see him set the weights down and have them tumble right onto his finger as he tried to set them down on the mat, and he sucked in a breath, rubbing his thumb.

"Are you alright?" you asked.  

"Yes," he said, shaking in out, "Sorry, I've never worked out before."

You were still laughing as Tyler sat down, leaning into you "I was trying to stop the weights from slamming on the floor, I didn't want to scare the babies."

"Awe," you said, looking at Tyler, and then back at Rebecca, and you didn't quite know if you should introduce him, or how you would even do that.

"I'm Tyler," Tyler said, putting your thoughts to rest, his hand raised in a wave.

"Rebecca," she responsed.  "And I know."

"Oh," Tyler said, grinning a little even as he ducked his head, his arms draped across his bent knees.  

You started laughing when Bentley continued his babbling, moving his arms up.

"What's her name?" Tyler asked, nodding towards the other baby.

"Oh, this is Adrianna."

"Hi Adrianna," Tyler said, waving his hand open and so it was in her line of sight.

You smiled when Bentley stuck his arms out towards her and both you and Rebecca scooted closer to each other.  "Did you say 'hi' to Bentley?" she asked, looking around to say her daughter's reaction, and she squealed in response, lurching forward and almost hitting Bentley in the face.  

"Oops, be gentle."

You could hear Tyler laughed a little behind you as he came closer, watching their interaction.  

"Oh no, no," Tyler said, prying Bentley's fingers off from the bow that she had around her head when he decided to grab in and try and pull it off, your hands holding Bentley under his arms. "Don't take off her pretty bow, she might not like that very much."

Tyler smiled at you when the instructor came in and you moved back into your spots, but Tyler leaned over and pressed his lips to yours in a quick kiss before he did so.  

When you went to lay Bentley down, you made sure to move him so he was laying on a blanket that was placed so it was between the end of both you and Tyler's mats, so that you could both interact with him.  You couldn't help looking over at Tyler and then Bentley and smiling as you were lead through the warm-up,, because it felt like you were doing something together as a family, and you only wanted more of it.

"Okay, let's go down to our mats and warm up our cores and spine with some cat/cows," the instructor said, "So big round through your spine, and then drop your belly, tailbone to the sky."

You repeated  the movements a couple of times and then you made the mistake of looking over at Tyler the next time you arched your back and he caught you, like he'd just been waiting for you to look over at him, doing a wiggly thing with his butt, and you had to look away to stop from cracking a smile.

"And then return to a neutral spine, and extend your left leg behind you, keeping your core tight, and pulse," she said now, "And if you want to add a layer of difficulty, extend your opposite arm."

You were concentrating on trying to see if you could handle that, slowly extending your arm, when you felt a foot connect with you butt and looked over to Tyler next to you.  "Sorry " he said, but you could tell by the smirk on his face that he had done it on purpose.

You focused instead on smiling at Bentley, who was laying on his back but had his head turned towards you, and you tickled him as you extended each arm out and then Tyler followed suit, and you watched as Bentley's eyes went to find you, and then Tyler.  

When you stood up to do some upper body work, you looked over at Tyler again as you were doing bicep curls with your arms extended in front of you, and Tyler's eyes were looking at you with a bit of a wild look in them.  "I am shaking," he confessed to you, and then you could hear him huff when the instructor said to try and lift your elbows up, dropping the weights if you needed to.

"You can put them down," you whispered, and he shook his head.  

"You could trade me?" he asked, offering his weights towards you, which looked about three times the size of yours and you shook your head, Tyler sticking his tongue out of the side of his mouth at you.  You noticed that he shook his arms out quite a bit once you were told you were done with the weights, and then stretched out his shoulder as he grinned at you, as everyone started moving themselves and their babies closer to the barre.

"Wheee..." Tyler said, looking down over Bentley as he drug both him and the blanket he was laying on  across the wood floor so  he was closer to where you both were, and you laughed at the confused expression on Bentley's face, like he didn't quite know how he had moved or understood that that was supposed to be fun yet.

"Hi," you said, waiting until he found you and then you repeated the word and he smiled big kicked his legs. Tyler smiled when he looked at you,making a noise that let you know that he thought it was the sweetest thing ever.

You could tell that Tyler felt completely out of his element when you were lead through a series of different leg lifts, but you could also tell that he was trying and the look of concentration on his face as he tried to keep his leg straight as he raised it out in front of him was really adorable.

"Okay, now squeeze that ball with your inner inner thighs as you slowly lower," the instructor said, "Now add in a relevé"

"What's a relevé?" Tyler asked you in a whisper, looking back over his shoulder at you.

"Go on your tips toes," you said, and then you could see him inhale as he did so. When you stepped out into a wide plie Tyler turned to face you, and you watched his face turn again when you had to lift your heels, looking at you and then out to the side, and then he stood back upright, bending down to pick Bentley up.

"He was fussing," Tyler said, as he stepped back to the barre, holding Bentley with one hand and the ball with the other for him, Bentley's fist coming onto the ball as he looked at it.

"No, he wasn't," you laughed.

"Well, he was about to," Tyler said with a big grin on his face, and you smiled back at him, as he held Bentley securely to his chest, catching back up the the squats you were doing with the class, although he left his heels on the floor, pulsing just a little.  When you were told you could go back to your mats to finish up with a little bit more core work, Tyler pulled Bentley away from him, keeping on hand held underneath his head, bouncing him slightly.  "Was that fun?" Tyler asked, and you didn't even have to see Bentley to know he was smiling, you could tell just by the expression on Tyler's face.  Tyler laid Bentley back down on his blanket, and then ran his hand across his face once he sat back down on his mat.  "I'm sweating so bad."

You laughed a little, reaching into the diaper bag and pulling out one of the many cloths you had for Bentley, leaning over and pressing it to his forehead.  "Thanks," Tyler laughed, and you smiled at him, moving into the crunches against the ball everyone else was doing.  

Bentley made a grumpy noise though, and both you and Tyler looked over at him, you reaching for Bentley's hand, probably annoyed that he was no longer being held.

"He's probably mad I got sweat all over his stuff," Tyler said, "And him."

"No, he probably just wanted you to keep holding him," You told Tyler.

 "You want to roll onto your belly?" you asked Bentley, moving your hands to your side so you could flip him over and he could lift his head up to look around.

"Look at those strong neck muscles," Tyler said, placing his hand gently on Bentley's back to help give him something to lift up against, but Bentley was now just content at looking around the room.  

"Okay, now we're gonna lay down on our backs, and this move is really great for helping to rebuild your core, as well as helping to strengthen your back body which can becoming weaker during pregnancy," the instructor said, and then paused, "And Dad, this'll be great for you too, for helping to strengthen all the muscles you'll need for carrying baby."

You felt a rush of heat go through you with her words, your heart caught in your throat, and all you could do was notice yourself freezing up, before you very slowly tried to look at Tyler.  But he seemed so focused on the exercise that you weren't even sure he'd heard what had been said, intended for him, but he did glance over at you, like he felt your eyes on him, giving you a little smile.

Tyler's foot kept brushing against your leg again as you moved into hip circles, sliding his  bum across the mat so he could reach you  and you tried glaring at him but he was looking straight up at the ceiling, playing  like he was completely unaware.

"Babe," you whispered, and you could see the corners of his lips turn up just a little, but he kept doing it every time he had to extend his leg to his left.

 You looked at him once more when you were doing glute bridges and Tyler seemed to extend his hips even further, his eyebrows raising towards you before he started giggling, and you ran your hand over your face, which was growing hot with embarrassment, trying not to laugh.

You smiled at Tyler again as you stretched, and then at Bentley, who was just blinking as he continued  to take in his environment.  Your fingers brushed Tyler's as you got up, rolling up your mats as you talked with some of the other moms you've met.  When you'd gotten back from putting away your weights, Tyler had scooped Bentley up, with his cozy blanket wrapped around him.

"Is he sleeping?" you said softly, leaning your head to look at Bentley's face where it was resting against Tyler's chest, his eyes blinking still, but they stayed shut for longer and longer each time, his mouth opening and closing peacefully.

"Yeah, he was going like this, like he was gonna face plant," Tyler said, imitating Bentley, his head falling forward and then jolting awake.  "I need to go home and take a nap, Mom, watching you guys workout made me really tired."

"Awe," you said, running your hand over Bentley's head, and he snuggled against Tyler even more.  "K, let's get you home."

Even though Tyler had Bentley he didn't let you take the diaper bag either, wrapping his pinky finger around yours as you walked back to the car.

"Soo..." you said, looking over at him, "What did you think?"

"That was hard," he laughed.  

"It was fun having you there, though," you said.

"Yeah, it was," Tyler said, pausing and leaning towards you as much as he could, and you pressed your cheek against his lips.  You stayed outside the car as Tyler put Bentley in his carseat, not because you felt like you had to watch over him, but because you didn't really want to get in the car without him.  "We should do more stuff like that."

"Like that?" You laughed, leaning against the car door, "Does that mean you're not coming back with me?"

"I don't really think it's intended for me," Tyler said, standing up now that he had Bentley buckled in, one hand in the car still, rubbing along Bentley's chest  and offering him his pacifier because he always fussed right when he got in his car seat. "Like, it was cool, but I think it's more a mom/baby thing.  But I would totally do a private workout with you."

"Oh, yeah?"

"And I don't mean sex."

"Yes, i know what you meant," you said.

"I know how you think," he said, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face. "My trainer would love you though."

"Why's that?"

"Because you make me want to be better," he said simply, his hands resting on your hips,looking at you softly for a moment before he pressed his lips to yours. Your hands came up, resting on his shoulders.   "I would totally love to do more stuff with the three of us though, like-"

"Yeah,me too," you said, smiling at each other for a moment, and then you eased up on your tiptoes, kissing him.

"I'm surprised you can still lift up like that, my calves are dead."

"I wanted to enough," you said, kissing him once more,and then he held you to him, hugging you with his lips in your hair, and rested your head against his chest, smiling when noticed that he had a drool mark from Bentley on his t-shirt,staying there together for a bit before you pulled apart, Tyler shutting the back door softly, and then opening the passenger side door for you, waiting until you were secure inside before he shut it, too.

A few days later you'd gotten what you'd been wishing for,  when you'd decided to do one of the the things you'd read of things to do with a baby as young as Bentley which was to go to a baby-friendly movie showing, which meant that it had dimmer lights and quieter sound as well as places for putting strollers, and changing diapers, and warming up bottles.  Mostly, though, you were just  happy about the fact that you wouldn't have to worry about your baby starting to cry and annoying everyone else in the movie theatre.

You let Tyler pick out the movie earlier in the week when you'd suggested this to him, because you didn't really care what you watched, you just wanted to get out of the house, so he'd picked out the new John Wick movie which you knew absolutely nothing about.  

"We should go sit in the back," Tyler said, as you stepped up the stairs in the otherwise empty theatre.

"Why?"

"So we can make out," he responded.

"Tyler," you laughed again, "there's gonna be families."

"Yeah, that's why we're going in the back," he said, smirking at you and then laughing, although he led you to a seat located more in the middle of the theatre, his hand going to the side of your arm as you walked, and then holding  down the seat for you, finally settling on your bare knee once you'd sat down.  You'd gotten there earlier than you'd probably had to, because sometimes it felt like it took forever to get out the door with Bentley, but other times it seemed like you had everything under control.  

Tyler didn't seem to be complaining, though, resting his head  against your shoulder as you held Bentley up in front of you so he could look at both you and Tyler.  

"Are you excited to be at your first movie?" Tyler asked him, "Or are you gonna fall asleep?"

"Probably fall asleep," you said, "it's almost naptime."

"Yeah,I know," Tyler said, and then you felt him sigh against him.

"What?" You asked, "you're not gonna fall asleep, too, are you?"

"No," Tyler said, "it just sucks that I'm gonna have to pack when we  get home."

"Well, I'll help you," you laughed, because he could be so dramatic at times.

"No, that's not what i mean. I mean, obviously you're gonna help me. But I don't want to go."

"What?" You asked, pulling back from where he was leaning against you, simultaneously moving Bentley so you were holding him in a seated position facing Tyler.  "But I  thought  you loved going.  And you were looking forward to spending with your dad."

"Yeah, but that was when i was technically single, so it'd be weird if I said I didn't want to do anything but hang out with you," he said, "But now that we're together, I just want to spend time with my favourite person."

Your expression softened, and you would have reached out and touched his face if you weren't holding Bentley, so you settled for leaning against him now.  "You know we can't spend every single minute together, right?"

"No, I know," Tyler said, nuzzling against you, "But we just got to be together, I think I deserve to be a little selfish."

"I know, I don't really want you to go either," you said, "but you kind of have to."

"But why?" Tyler whined again, even though you knew he knew he was going to go, but he just had to make a scene about it.  

"Because Texas Hockey Day is in Texas, not Ontario for some reason."

Tyler laughed, before saying, "Yeah, Americans are weird like that," he ran his finger up and down your arm, "I guess there's no way I can convince you to come with me?"

You almost wanted to say "yes". But you also knew that if you were there, that it would take away from what he was there to do, and the time that he'd already planned to have with his dad.  "You're gonna be busy, and he doesn't have a passport yet, so we can't go."

"What? You have to have a passport for babies?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's dumb," Tyler said, "I don't think I'd let you come anyways, though."

"But you just said you wanted me to!" you laughed.

"I do, but you've got this guy, and that's too much for just a couple of days," Tyler said, "so if you could just call everyone and let them them know why I can't come,that'd be great."

"Tyler," you laughed, and he grinned back at you.

"I know, I know, I'll go," Tyler said, kissing you softly on  the lips.  "I'm just gonna fucking miss you."

"I'm gonna -"

"Don't swear in front of the baby," Tyler interrupted.

You shook your head a little at him, "Just think about how much those kids would miss you if you weren't there "

"Yeah," Tyler said, a smile creeping onto his face, because you knew he actually really enjoyed getting to go, "What about about this kid, though?" Tyler asked, wiggling Bentley's foot. "Are you gonna miss me?"

"Of course he is," you said, Bentley reaching his arms out towards Tyler, so you support him, letting him lean in, and Tyler moved his face into Bentley's outstretched hands,  letting Bentley hit him in the face, and then when Bentley’s hand came close, exaggerating like he was going to take a bite,and Bentley gave him a couple of big grins. "Oh, I'm gonna eat your fingers, you better watch out, " Tyler said, playfully nipping at Bentley's fingers and he squealed, still waving his hands in the air.

You smiled, pressing your lips to Bentley's temple. "Is that funny?"

"That's almost a laugh," Tyler said.

"He loves it," you said, leaning your head around so you could watch Bentley's face as Tyler interacted with him, resting your head against the back of the seat. Both of you kind of grew quiet when the previews started, but you weren't even really paying attention, not until Tyler said, "Oh, you want to go see The Lion King when it comes out, Bentley?"

You laughed looking at Bentley, his mouth open a little like he didn't know quite what to think about this and his eyes wide.

"I want to see it," you said.

"Yeah, me too,  but if we take him then we look all cute and sweet and I don't look like some dude who loves the Lion King."

You laughed, still watching Bentley take in the screen.

"Those are lions," Tyler said to him, "They've got four legs and four paws like your puppies do at home, but they're not as cuddly."

Bentley cooed back at Tyler in response, and you smiled, Bentley's hand clutching your finger.  

"Do you want me to open your M&M's for you?" Tyler asked, because you'd been talking talking about getting peanut M&M's since last night night, and you'd gotten them pretty much soon as Tyler had finished buying your tickets.

"No, I'm saving them."

"Saving them for what?" He laughed.

"For the movie, I don't want to finish them before its over."

"I can go get you more," Tyler laughed.

"No, I just want you to stay here," you said, "and I don't want to eat more than one package."

"And half my gummy bears?" Tyler  asked.

"Maybe..." you said, and you felt Tyler snicker next to you, even though you knew he was going to end up sharing yours too, Bentley resting against you now as you and Tyler leaned against each other as you watched the next preview, you hand running over Bentley's head, Tyler's thumb moving back and forth over your hand.

"We should go somewhere," Tyler said softly.

"Hmmm?"

"Like when I get back, we should go away somewhere, like a little vacation," he said, tracing circles on your leg

"With Bentley?"

"No, we're gonna leave him by himself, of course we'd bring Bentley with us," Tyler scoffed, and then laughed.

"I didn't know what you meant.."

"I just meant," Tyler said, kissing you on the cheek, "That we could go somewhere, not far, but just somewhere where we could say that we're actually on vacation.  And I could take a week off, and we could just hang out, and be alone, and relax, and not have any commitments."

"That sounds...kinda amazing," you said.

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm," you said, kissing him softly, "We should definitely figure something out."

"I can't wait," Tyler said, kissing you on the head, and then he looked down and Bentley, who was leaning against you but rubbing his eyes now.  

"You getting sleepy?" you asked him.

"Do you want me to go heat up his bottle?"

"Yes, please," you said, bouncing Bentley now because he was starting to whine, as Tyler was making him bottle for him.

"Well, if you would have told me you were starting to get hungry earlier, I would have made this for you sooner, bud " Tyler said, as he stepped quickly back up the stairs.  "Is this okay for him?"

He pressed the bottle against your wrist, like he always did, even though he'd only made it too hot once, and even then he'd known to let it cool down for a bit before he offered it to Bentley.

"Yes," you said, waiting for him to sit down before you passed Bentley over to him, Tyler easily taking him so he was laying down, moving to give him his bottle, which Bentley took and sucked on for a moment before he started crying.  Tyler bounced him, and tried to soothe him and offer him the bottle again, but he kept moving his head away.

"You want Mama to feed you?" Tyler asked, sitting Bentley up and then passing him over to you, and Bentley just immediately started rooting for your breast, Tyler leaning forward to put the bottle back in the diaper bag.  "I think he just wants the real thing."

"But you gave him a bottle last night and he was fine," you said, even though you pulled the top of your dress away so you could feed him.

"Yeah, babies aren't really knowing for being logical," Tyler said.

"It's probably just because this is different than his usual routine," you said, "and I think he has to concentrate more with the bottle and he's probably more distracted because we're not at home..."

"Plus he knows you're right there, he doesn't want settle for the bottle, I know, I'm not offended," Tyler said, stretching his arm around the back of your seat and getting more  comfortable as the movie started.  

"That's good," you said, relaxing yourself now, "I can't believe there's no one else here."

"Well, it's the afternoon, people are probably out in the sun."

"Yeah, I guess, I just thought there'd be other people here with their babies."

"It's pretty awesome to have this whole place to ourselves though," Tyler said, setting his feet up on the seat in front of him, crossing his ankles.

You laughed, and Tyler shrugged at you. "What, you can have your boobs out but I can't put my feet up?"

"Tyler," you laughed.  

"At least we're alone so you don't have some creep staring at you," Tyler said, as you were adjusting Bentley,and then you found him very deliberately staring at your boob as if he was examining it

"Stop," You laughed, "just watch the  movie."

"'K," Tyler said, his hand running over your shoulder and then rubbing over the back of your neck as you fed the baby, which was really relaxing.  By the time Bentley was done and you were wrapping him up on his blanket and and cradling him, Tyler was ready with Bentley's pacifier, letting him take it, and then running his thumb over Bentley's cheek and then up and down between his eyebrows as you tried to rock him as best as you could.  Luckily, though, he was pretty relaxed, so it wasn't long before he was peacefully.  You held him until your arm was falling asleep, and then you whispered to Tyler than you were going to put him down in his stroller, and Tyler nodded, you carefully walked down the few stairs and then laid Bentley down on the  basinette pair of his stroller, turning on the portable white noise  machine and pulling the cover over it so the movie wouldn't bother him.

"Well, that worked out well," Tyler said to you when you got back, holding his arm out like wanted you to cuddle up with him.

"I know,"  you  said.  You'd expected to have to put him in his baby wrap during movie and figured he'd probably be alright like that, but since you had the whole theatre to yourself, you'd knew he'd probably have a better nap in his  stroller, and you kind of liked you and Tyler leaning against each other, the part of your legs that were not covered by your dress or his shorts pressed naturally together, sneaking little kisses and smiles at each other, your hands laced together.

Part of you felt like you'd been together forever, like you'd built a whole life together, but somehow it felt new, and fresh, and exciting  too. You knew, too, that you didn't really want to be that annoying couple who was kissing and seemed to always have to be connected to each other in public constantly.  But you just couldn't help it.  And, in a weird way, you felt like you suddenly believed that there was one person out there for everyone, and you felt just so happy, that you felt like you needed everyone to know just how truly loved they could feel, that they shouldn't settle for anything less than this.

You'd never felt so compelled just to kiss someone though, and it seemed he kind of felt the same way, because you just seemed to keep kissing for longer and longer each time, until you seemed to realize that you were supposed to be watching a movie.  When his hand, which had previously been settled in yours came up to cup your jaw though, all bets were off, and you found yourself turning in your seat, seeking more of his lips. It wasn't long before it felt like your breathing and the sound of your heart beat were louder than the sound of the movie, and when your hand curled around his bicep, your broke apart to breathe, staring at each other in the dim light, his chest rising and falling and his hips swollen, his eyes dark.   It seemed like everything slowed down for just two deep breaths, like you,   were trying to collect yourself, but then you couldnt even think about anything at all, not when both his hands cupping your face, tilting your head just right, your lips moving together, his tongue sweeping along the bottom of your lips and you felt him sigh, kissing down your jawline, your then you were holding onto his chest and his shoulder, feeling his beard scratch the sensitive skin of your neck, soothing it with his lips, and then when you sighed, he seemed to press into your further, his hand settling on the curve of your chest, seemingly intent on sucking a hickey into the side of the neck, like you were teenagers, but you weren't gonna deny that it didn't have the desired effect, a rush of heat flowing through your body.  

"Tyler..." you breathed.

"Yeah, I know, I know," he said breathlessly, his hands roaming now and peppering kisses all over the swell of your breasts. It was when he started sucking at the flesh that your hand went to the top  of his hat moving his mouth away from from hat, and then he looked at you in question, his tongue licking his lips fixing his hat on his head, almost looking like he was wondering if he'd done something.

"Not there," you said, your voice sounding more strained than you expected sweeping  your hand across your chest, "It's sensitive."

"Sorry," he murmured, dropping his head again and placing a kiss in the centre of your chest and then soothing his hand over side of your breasts and then his fingers wove through your hair, his lips pressing into yours softly, and then more firmly, and you were vaguely aware that you were in public, that you were somebody's mother, for god's sake, but with his hand just above your knee, inching further up, your dress bunching up and the callouses from his palms rubbing against your bare leg.

"Tyler," you said again, but this time he was looking at you devilishly as his hand slid further up, toying with the band of your panties where it stretched over your hip. "Wha---?"

"There's no one here," he said softly, and your head just felt lost in a rush of feelings and sensations, like you'd never been touched before, let alone touched by him.

"This feels dirty," you said, and then you almost wanted to cover your face because you felt just completely giddy, and high, and like you just couldn't believe this was real.

But then you looked in his eyes and it was.

"In a good way or a bad way?" He asked, smirking at you.

"I mean..." you said, and Tyler laughed, yet you moved your legs for him to continuing taking your panties off, which he then proceed to lean forward with, his hand still on your knee, shoving them into the pocket on the diaper bag and ....oh, you thought, your eyes drifting to where the light from the movie was fluttering over the top of the stroller.

"He's sleeping, he's fine," Tyler said in an even voice.

"I know," you said, and Tyler gave little smile, the scent of his body wash invading you senses when he leaned in to nibble at your neck again.

"Wanna make you feel good," he said deep in your ear, and then you felt  your body shiver, his hand coming to ease up your inner thigh.  "Are you relaxed?"

"Not at all," you laughed, and Tyler did too, his hand moving as your legs parted, running his fingers between your lips, hip fingers seeking out your clit, pressing against it. Your muscles tremble a little as his fingers swept down, collecting your arousal, and then using it as his fingers circled your clit.  

"Little excited, huh?" Tyler asked, his voice teasing.

"As if you're not," you choked out, wanting to look down at him to check for yourself, but it was really hard to focus on anything other than him touching you, the sensation flowing into your muscles now, and your breath stuttering a bit.  You were so quiet, you didn't think he could even hear you, but he seemed to be watching you so intently that he picked up on the change in the rise and fall of your chest, his mouth kissing at your neck and then your lips as he rubbed slow circles around your clit, the noise of the movie in the background fading away. When your hips pressed forward, Tyler's finger traced your entrance slowing pushing inside, and your jaw when lax with relief.

"Oh god,"  you moaned quietly letting your eyes fall shut, and when he changed the angle to brush against your g-spot ,  your legs tremble already, your head resting back, and then going to rest near his chest wanting to feel even closer to him, and it was all you could do to focus on the the sensation of his finger filling you, his thumb rubbing against your clit, pulling your lips between your teeth in an attempt not to lose all control.  You felt like you were getting close, so sensitive it felt like you could feel every inch of your breasts against your bra.  

You jolted upward though, your head putting together the band of light and the noise of the door opened, you face feel incredibly flushed as your tried to frantically to arrange your face and your hair in someway to look presentable, Tyler's hand just somehow calmly removing itself, smoothing your dress down and then just resting it in your lap like it'd been there the whole time.  

You didn't dare look at Tyler, not when you say the man in the blue uniform shirt step into theatre, looking up in the seats like he was just checking i anyone was there, but you could just tell that Tyler was relaxed beside you, his eyes on the screen, like he was so absorbed he didn't even notice anyone else was there.   The guy nodded at the both of  you though, before he turned to leave, and you lifted your hand in a wave, and then you felt Tyler laugh next to you, knowing that he'd been paying attention the whole time.  You felt frozen until you heard the door close, waiting you could listen to the footsteps going down the hallway. You relaxed again, looking at Tyler out of the corner of your eye as he pulled his hand from your lap, taking it to fix his hat, and then moving it to the back of his neck, relaxing and watching the movie, completely oblivious to you, and then your eyes widened,  flicking over to him.

"What are you-?"

"Oh, what you wanted something?" Tyler laughed, and you could tell he was trying to be serious but failing miserably, his hand moving between your legs again, "I thought you were thinking we shouldn't do this here..."

"Tyler," you said, a little more firmly this time, beginning to feel a little annoyed because you'd been close, and then he'd just taking all stimulation away.  For good reason, of course, but now that you were alone again...

"Don't worry, I would never leave you hanging," Tyler laughed, his hand moving right back where you wanted, and you let out a breathy little "oh god" as he slid his long middle finger inside you.

Tyler murmured a sound of appreciation, his finger curving upwards inside you, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit. All you hear was the sound of your breathing, your pussy throbbing around his finger.  "More."

"Fuck," Tyler said, adding a second finger slowly, and then thrusting against your g-spot once your leg started trembling again. You needing something to grab onto, so you reached, gripping his thigh as your head thrashed back and forth. You wanted to tell him that you were close, to not stop, but you couldn't find words, not with  his fingers fucking in and of you.

"C'mon, baby," Tyler said, his voice a rush of  soft syllables in your ear, "Cum for me."

You shivered as you let go, you eyes shutting as you peaked, gripping Tyler's thigh so hard it was probably painful but you couldn't stop, his continuing ministrations extending your climax, his movements moving with you as you came down, several small courses of pleasure still going through you.

"That was so fucking hot," Tyler said, once you'd become too sensitive, you legs opening and then closing, and he'd  taken the hint, his hand now resting against your thigh, your wetness from his fingers against your own skin and he pulled your lips to his,  somehow managing to kiss you both deeply and yet softly at the same time, only pulling back because you were still trying to catch your breath.

Your legs felt wobbly, even sitting down especially so when Tyler raised his fingers to his mouth, pulling your juices off of them, his eyes sliding shut a little.  You felt a little dazed him kissing your lips once more and then his arm wrapped around you, pulling your head to rest on his chest, his lips rested against your hair for a moment before he raised eyes back to the screen.

You realized that your hand was still on thigh, near his knee and you squeezed it a little, feeling him do the same to your arm in a silent "I love you."

Your cheeks rose in a smile against the hard muscles of Tyler's chest, your eyes drifting upwards to where you could see his cock outlined in his shorts.  You feel his sharp intake of breath when your fingers brushed his thigh, moving your palm over his hard length.

"Babe..." Tyler mutter, and you shifted up to look at him, his expression looking a little dazed, and he gave you a weak smile. "You don't have to...."

"You don't want me to?" You asked, sliding your hand back and forth over him, and Tyler blinked, like he was just aware now.  

"Oh, hell yeah, I want you to," he said, "I was just trying to be a gentleman, caring about your needs, and..."

"Oh?" you mused, his hand coming to clasp the back of your head, pulling you in for a kiss, your knuckles rubbing back and forth over him.

"Mmmbabe," Tyler said, already shifting his hips so you could free his cock, hissing when you wrapped your hand around him.  You pumped him slowly a couple of times, loving the way his body reacted to your touch.  Your eyes looked to the side as you thought, slowly removing your hand, and you heard Tyler huff out a little breath.

"Jesus christ," Tyler swore loudly, his eyes going wide as you move your hands between your own legs, slicking up your hands, and then you moved back to grip Tyler.  "Fuck."

"Good?" You asked, feeling a little bit drunk with power, the way his head fell back a little a he sucked in a breath.

"So good," he said, his eyes connecting with yours, eyelids heavy. "You can....a bit harder."

You tighten your grip, adding your other hand, twisting it in opposition.  

"Oh fuck yes," Tyler groaned.  With the way his hand moved shakily down over your hair and your shoulder and your arm, his breath coming in soft pants and little moans escaping his lips, although you could tell he was trying to be quiet as you jerked him off, not sure if he was even aware of the fact he raising his hips to meet your strokes.  When your hand trailed deeper into his shorts, cupping his balls, you on felt his thighs tense.

"I'm gonna cum," Tyler let out, and you subconsciously clenched your thighs together, watching his face as he released, face screwed up in pleasure and then his mouth fell open in a silent moan.  You felt like you were as as breathless as he was, your hand rubbing back and forth over his contracted abs

You were hardly even aware of his hand tangling in your hair before he pulled you to him, ignored the fact that you both  were a mess, kissing you like you were in bed, contemplating round 2, not in the middle of a movie theatre.  You both seemed to calm down though, probably from the force of your orgasms, slowly separating, but keeping your faces close, meeting for one more chaste kiss, your arms pulling away from each other, heads pressed together, his arms rubbing up down your back a little

"Do you have any napkins in your bag?" Tyler asked softly, and you pulled back a little, contemplating it, starting to laugh.

"I lots of baby wipes," you said, leaning forward into his chest as you laughed.

"Are you done?" Tyler asked, when you lifted up.

"I think there's tissues in the side pocket," you said, laughing again.

"What is wrong with you?" Tyler laughed. "I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing you laugh all the time after have sex."

"It's a good thing," you said, "a really, really good thing."

"Good," Tyler said, kissing you  softly as you sat back properly in your seat, looking ahead.

"I'm just gonna go check on him real quick," you said, kissing Tyler’s temple.

"'K," He smiled, you walking softly down the steps using your hand to pull back the cover, finding Bentley still sound asleep.  When you got back to Tyler he was sitting with his eyes on the screen, extending his arm to wrap around you.

“Still sleeping?”

“Yeah, he’s out.”

No sooner did you sit down though that the credits started to roll, and Tyler laughed  ``So, what did you think of the movie?”

“I….” you said, and Tyler started giggling, his hand rubbing over yours.

“Maybe we should stay for the next one and actually do what we came here for,” Tyler said, waving your M&M’s in front of you.

“‘K” you said, smiling and kissing him once.

“Still can’t keep your hands off me?” Tyler smirked.

“Nope,: you grinned.

“I’m totally okay with that,” he said, kissing you this time.

[shittyfandomimagines]

Broken Promises

Yeah well my heart was broke but that bitch survived, she’s okay.

Word count: 1,866

Angst with fluff !??

GIF creds to owner

“He’ll be here, I promise.” It felt like an apologetic lie was rolling off my tongue, I mean it was for sure a lie. I have told several people that lie already; the flower shop, the tux renters who called to speak to Calum, and even with his parents who wanted to meet up last week.

The apology side of it came for myself, I had given up on Calum’s help on the wedding stuff. I knew he wouldn’t care what we picked and he would most likely say “it’s just a cake, it’s just some decorations, it’s just flowers.” I wanted him to be excited as he was when he first proposed. He would speak out about what he would like to do and what format, or venue.

I take a deep breath in and just look at my phone once more. “You know what, let’s just do this. I’m sure he can eat any flavor.” I try to joke with her and she seemed to understand my disappointment. I knew our wedding was 2 months away, but this girl is so popular and I wanted her to do the cake. I was lucky to even be here.

“Any flavor we want to avoid?” She asks and I nod quickly. “No red velvet, can’t stand the color or how much it tastes like dye,” I speak and she nods, writing it down on her notepad. “Here is a menu of what our cakes are and their descriptions.” She slides the menu to me and I scan it over.

I wasn’t a huge fan of caramel but I knew Calum liked it. “I want to try the flavored cookie dough cake, salted caramel cake, and the marble cake.” I slide it back to her and she nods again. “Any filling or icing flavors or do you want to just try the ones that usually come with it?” She asks, man I thought this would be the easy task.

“I’ll just stay with what you offer per cake.” I decide and she writes more things down, she starts to walk into the kitchen. After a few minutes, she comes back out with the three cakes.

“This is the cookie dough cake, it is filled with strong vanilla bean buttercream, and it is iced the same as filled, but the flavor won’t be as strong so it doesn’t end up too sweet.” She explains as she slides it over, I pick up the fork that was provided. I absolutely loved this flavor, it was like my childhood dreams came true.

“This is the salted caramel cake. It is filled with brown sugar and almost a coffee flavor, it is topped off with vanilla buttercream.” She points to which one was the cake. I take a bite of it and try to hide my disapproval, I just am not that big of a fan of caramel but I tried it for Calum. I knew in my heart he’d like it so I smile up at her.

“And this one is the marble cake, it is filled with a chocolate mousse and is iced in almond buttercream.” She adds and I eat a bite of it, I honestly loved it. I loved the chocolate chip and the marble one, I knew Calum would like the other.

“How many tiers of cake would I need to feed 250-300?” I ask and she calculated it on her notepad. “At least 4 tiers.” She looks up and I nod. “Okay, I want 1 layer of the caramel, 1 of the cookie dough, and 2 of the marble. I don’t care which order they’re in.” I say and she nods. “What about designing plans?” She asks and I open my phone to find the pictures.

“I absolutely love the piped lace look on the cake, I would want that for all layers. I have my own flowers that can be used, I want the traditional white.” I explain and she was jotting it down, I saw her drawing a sketch. “Okay, is that it?” She asks kindly and I nod. “Yeah, it is. Thank you for this.” I shake her hand and she nods. “My pleasure, I’ll see you in 2 months.” She says and I wave as I walk out.

——

When I walk in, Calum was sitting in front of the tv watching reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. “Afternoon, babe.” He smiles towards me and I didn’t reply, I just walk towards the kitchen. I see dishes piled up and the garbage needed to be taken out soon.

I groan to myself as I load the dishes into the dishwasher. I use the backdoor to shortcut the walk to where the bins were. When I come back in, I could hear Calum talking obnoxiously loud on the phone.

I tried to tune it out as I started to wipe the cabinets down and re-bag the trash can. I start to boil some water and pull out the ingredients for lasagna. I preheat the oven and find the noodles and jarred sauce.

I add the sauce and ground hamburger meat that I had made last night. It took about 15 minutes before I could even begin to layer all of the things. I set my timer for 35 minutes and just lean myself against the counter.

I couldn’t help my mind from racing with all of the annoyance I had built up for Calum. We’re getting married in two months and I have done most of the things by myself. If this is how we’re going to spend our marriage, then I don’t want it.

I hear Calum coming near because I notice that he was saying his goodbyes on the phone. “Something smells amazing in here.” He compliments and stands in front of me. “Thanks,” I mumble and he raises his eyebrows. “Were you home all day?” I ask and he makes a face. “Well, we recorded until 12 and then I came home.” He states and I nod, how fucking great!

It would have been nice if he could’ve picked up a little or remembered our fucking cake appointment.

“Well, that’s great Calum. Glad you had a nice and relaxed day at home.” I sassily remark and he crosses his arms. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He huffs and I laughed, literally fucking laughed.

“I had to come home and do the dishes, take out the trash, make supper, and clean up the kitchen. I’m sure you didn’t do the laundry so I’ll also do that.” I defend myself and he rolls his eyes. “You’re going to bicker about me not doing the chores? You’re not my mom, y/n.” He chuckles but I could tell it was a condescending one.

“Yeah, I’m not your fucking mom Calum. I am your fiancée. Your fiancée that has planned the wedding alone for and is basically now your maid. You have ignored all the times I’ve told you that we had an appointment. I had to try cakes today alone and the look the chef gave me was sad.” I feel the annoyances boiling over. “Well, that’s just stuff I knew you could handle. There’s no point in me being there.” He shrugs it off and I laughed again.

I would have felt better if he had said that he forgot the appointments instead of choosing not to go.

“Calum, the point of you being there is to support this marriage. It’s supposed to be something we do together so it is blended for the big day.” I try to calm myself back down but he just shrugs once more. “It’s too late to worry now.” He blows it off and I had tears starting to surface.

“Calum, I don’t want to marry you if it’s going to be like this. I can cancel all of the things in a heartbeat, I’m not afraid to either. I don’t have to marry you if our lives are gonna stay in this ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude.” I spit and his eyes widen.

“What?” His voice cracks a little and I move my hand away when he tries to clasp ours. “I said that I don’t have to be with you. I’m independent, I don’t have to be a maid who plans a wedding and cooks/cleans at home.” I sass and he stumbled a step back.

It was true, I didn’t have to be with him. Of course, I loved him more than anything and it’d be devastating to not be with him, but mama didn’t raise no bitch.

“I-I didn’t know that you were to that point. You never mentioned that it hurt when I didn’t show up. I just thought that you liked to do it on your own or with your sister.” He mumbles and I hear a tiny sniffle. I had to look towards the ground to avoid seeing him cry, I knew it would have me on my knees begging for forgiveness of what I said.

“I told you multiple times that we had appointments at certain places, you chose to ignore that,” I say and he started to weep, I literally was squeezing my eyes and hands so tight so I wouldn’t run back into his arms.

“You are the love of my life and that’s why I proposed. I know I’ve been slacking and I am sorry that you have been doing this stuff without me. I don’t want to even think about not marrying you or not being with me. I’ve loved you for 3 years and I can’t just not be with you.” He grabs my tightened fist and I relax under his touch.

I didn’t know what to say to his little speech, but I knew in my heart that he was being honest. I look up and all I could see was the tears still flowing down his face.

“Calum, I love you with all my heart and soul. We’ve always had bumps in the road but I need a promise, I need to know that something is going to change. I can’t live as your maid, but I can live as your wife.” I explain and he was nodding so quick. “I promise, I promise on Duke's life and the longevity of 5sos.” He was getting closer. “That’s two big things to swear on.” I chuckle and he was pressed up against me.

“Well, I can’t lose you.” He says while pecking my lips continuously. I wrap my arms around his neck and he pulls me into a tight hug.

“What flavor cakes did you get?” He asks as he puts me down and I smile up to him. “Marble, cookie dough, and salted caramel,” I tell him and his eyes go wide. “You actually tried a caramel cake?” He asks and I nod. “It was nasty to me but I’m sure you’re gonna love it.” I laugh and he was grinning big.

“That’s how you know this is real, you tried something you hate but I like.” He pecks my lips again.

“I feel like there are more factors than just a caramel cake.”

[thatfairyfangirl]

True Colors Chapter 9

The chilly bite at your cheeks and the jingling bells of street corner Santas told you that it was once again time to break out your Nana’s Almond Snowball Cookie recipe. In all the time you’ve been in possession of the hard copy passed down from your Great Great Grandmother you never could get it quite right. But you couldn’t remember a Christmas without those little tiny balls of nutty sugar and you weren’t about to start now. Bucky leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, chuckling at the sight of you as you frantically darted from one side of the kitchen to the other...It was clear this was definitely not your domain. But oh to watch you try was quite hilarious.

“I never thought I’d see the day you would be in an apron baking cookies.” He chuckled as he stepped in, making his presence known.

“Well, tis the season...falala.” You quipped back as you scooped up a small bit of powdered sugar to poof in his direction, dusting him with the sweetness.

“Oh really?” He chuckled as he rushed to scoop you up, ignoring your yelps and screams as he flung you over his shoulder to secure you as he rubbed the white dust all over your face.

“Yes really.” The proud glow coming from you was enough to light the room as you kicked and wiggled trying to free yourself. “This recipe has been in my family for generations.”

“Oh! Are those the cookies you brought to the Christmas party last year?” Tony’s eyes lit up as he rushed into the kitchen to snag one, popping it into his mouth only to spit it right back out into the trash. “No...no they are not….stick to music kid.”

“Okay so they aren’t as good as Nana’s.” You sighed, quite sure you’ll never get it right. “I’m driving out to Mom’s next weekend I’ll bring you a batch back.” You added as Bucky finally conceded to let you back on the ground.

“Okay. One. not as good as Nana’s is a horrific understatement. And two. All the way to Philly? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather take a quinjet or something?” Tony asked with a raised brow as he scooped up the terrible batch of cookies to deposit them safely in the garbage where they obviously belonged.

“Oh Tony don’t be ridiculous! It’s only two hours!” You waved a sugar covered hand dismissing the idea of needing to fly such a short distance.

Bucky tossed you a towel as he looked from you to Tony, noting the worried look in his eyes. “Yeah and I know you. Last time you went to visit her you were in a huff for a week! You made a stripper dance to Slayer! And as hilarious as it was to watch her cry on stage I’d rather not deal with you in that kind of mood again.”

“Tony, please…” You let out a sigh, brushing your hands through your hair. “I know my family can be difficult, but it’s still my family, and it’s the holidays.”

“No, difficult is getting Bucky boy here through airport security.” Tony quipped as he reached for your phone, texting your mother for you that you would be bringing your boyfriend.

“This is a bad idea put my phone down right now!”

“No, it’s fine...I’ll be your boyfriend, we’ll get a hotel room for you to retreat to once they finally push you past the breaking point and then after New years just tell your mom that we decided we’re better off as friends.” Tony insisted before sending the text, no turning back now.

~ ~ ~ ~

The snow fluttered over the city, blanketing everything in a glistening white. The cheer of the season was all around. There may still have been weeks yet until the actual holiday but you could still feel it in the air, growing all around you as you hummed to yourself the same old familiar tunes of every Christmas from long ago. Though New York tended to be a hard place filled with those who didn’t seem to care along the day to day activities the ringing bells of corner Santas and echos of the same old carols seemed to fill the streets with a kindness of the season. You may have been excited before, but the final recording session for your album you had just come from and the knowledge that it will be out next week only made this year all the better for you.

Ever since Halloween you had been finding you took comfort in Bucky’s  company, and came to cherish the friendship that had formed between the two of you. He had become your best friend, you now couldn’t imagine life without him. You waited for him at your favorite little coffee shop overlooking Rockefeller Center’s skating rink, warming yourself with a hot chocolate as you watched the happy couples move throughout the streets. You began contemplating the season, wondering what to get everyone for the fast approaching holiday.

Snow clung to Bucky’s cap and the long dampening tendrils of his hair making him look even more rugged than usual as he found you in the shop with your lost smile on your lips. Tucked away in a small bag wrapped in colored paper he was sure he had found the perfect gift for you. Bing Crosby’s White Christmas hung in the air, a familiar tune from a familiar voice of what felt to you to be every christmas ever.“Hey Doll.” He sat, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Nice to know that Christmas hasn’t changed much.” He smiled as he looked out to the skating rink, remembering when they started doing that. “Some traditions just don’t die.” Lady Gaga’s Christmas Tree followed.

“And new ones form every year.” You chuckled at the contrast of song choices on the radio as you peered into the bag, frowning to see how small the box was...definitely not a new mix board in there.

“So what were you off doing this morning? More recording?” He asked, noting the lack of shopping you seemed to have gotten done. The ball had gotten rolling pretty quickly for you with Dazzler’s label thanks to the many songs you have already done...now it was just a matter of hand picking the ones you wanted to do for your debut album. You told him about the meeting you had with Dazzler and the people from New Year’s Rockin Eve and how excited you were to be debuting the collaboration you had been working on and how it will be released with your first cd. He smiled watching your face light up. “Wow, that’s pretty much your dream isn’t it?” You nodded, beaming with excitement.

~ ~ ~ ~

Bucky watched as the stark white snow danced around the rainbow cascading from your knit cap out of the corner of his eye. The both of you wandered the streets for what felt like hours, picking out gifts for those you both cared for the most. It all felt so familiar to him, so much like he’d gone back to the 40s, back home. You tugged at his arm with each new window display, smile growing with festive glee at each new Christmassy scene. The smile, however, quickly faded at the sound of your phone going off, and even moreso when you saw ‘mom’ on the call id. Your eyes glanced up to Bucky, letting the sight of his soft blue eyes comfort you as you answered. “Hi mom... you get my text?”

“I did. So why can’t you come out for Christmas Eve? I haven’t seen you on Christmas in years.” Bucky’s eyes narrowed, a comforting arm wrapping around you as your mom started getting to you already. Even if he couldn’t have you he still liked being there for you.

You squeezed at the bridge of your nose, holding off the headache that she always seemed to cause with ease. “I don’t know how many times we’ve been over this mom. Christmas week through New Years is just way too busy on the party scene. Plus I just lined up something huge for New Year’s Eve...”

“So you’d rather go to parties than spend some time with your family? That’s cold.”

“Mom, you know I’m a DJ. Parties are literally my job.”

“I just can’t believe that after we sent you to that nice school you’re still counting that as a job. It’s time to grow up (Y/N). Do you even know how much that school cost us?”

“No… You don’t get to try to pull that. I know full well that Xavier’s doesn’t charge tuition! And you sent me to that school because I blew up the music wing at school with my brain and blinded Mr. Masserant. I needed to get my powers under control.” The colors in your hair swirled as you let her rile you up yet again...she had a talent for that. “Look. I’m out with someone right now, we’ll talk about this when I come home.” You insisted before ending the call.

“Why didn’t you just tell her that you’re an Avenger now?” Bucky asked with a confused look on his face.

“I’m planning on that being a surprise.” You smiled  up to him. “She loves the Avengers, it’ll be the best surprise ever for her.”

~ ~ ~ ~

“Don’t you fuck with me Stark! You’re the one who got me into this mess!” You shouted as you followed Tony down the hall towards the hanger.

“I’m sorry! But Stark Industries needs me.” Tony insisted.

“I don’t care if they need you to build an office on the moon! Who is supposed to be my boyfriend for christmas now?” Hearing the ruckus Bucky poked his head out from the gym, getting a slight chuckle out of the way you barraded Tony.

“I can’t! I have to go umm now. I’ll make it up to you. I swear!”

“Making me face my mother alone...you better make it up to me!” Your fingers gently massaged your temples as you let out a sigh, unaware of Bucky approaching you from behind. “I guess I’ll just call her and tell her the truth. Tony is a jerk who likes to send unwarranted texts and I’m single by choice because all men are assholes.” You let out a soft agonized groan, knowing the way that conversation was going to go.

Bucky’s hands came to rest on your shoulders. “I can come with you if you want Doll. It would be nice to meet your parents.”

Tony shook his head. “Trust me Manchurian Candidate. I’ve been there before. I’ve met them. The only good things that ever came out of that house is her,” he pointed to you. “...And those cookies. Please don’t forget the cookies.”

“You don’t get a say anymore!” You barked at Tony with spiteful eyes before turning to Bucky smiling as bright as the christmas tree downstairs before planting a grateful kiss on his stubbled cheek. “Thank you Bucky...nice to know someone around here’s got my back.” You spoke softly before walking off to pack. The soldier’s crystal blue eyes sparkled as they shifted to watch you leave, lingering on your form for a little longer than you would have deemed appropriate if you had known.

“So how long has this been going on?” Tony teased, watching Bucky tense up at the insinuation.

“What? No. We’re just friends,” Bucky insisted.

“Mmmhmm yeah sure…” Tony nodded sarcastically, giving him a knowing look. He knew his best friend well enough to know that there was something going on there, even if she didn’t know it yet.

With a sigh he ran his fingers through his hair looking up to him...well if he was going to be in love with her he knew he’d need to make friends eventually. “I’ve been sure I’m in love with her since Thanksgiving.”

Tony nodded placing a hand on his team mate’s shoulder. “Look, I love her like a little sister...So proceed with caution. Pretty much every guy she’s been with has hurt her. She may not act like it but there are some major walls built up around her...even more-so since Halloween.”

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@sillydecoy​

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[mygiantesslove]

Family Foot Slave (Part 4)

Mandy . . . Mandy Myers was a beautiful sophomore with short blond hair and almond blue eyes.  Beneath her right foot dwelt the miserable shell of a person, her ex-boyfriend.  She and Melanie walked through the hall to the lunch room. “So, I’ll tell my mom that I found Sean licking my shoes, and that I put him in one of them and came to her as soon as I could.  So during last hour, we’ll swap him, alright?” Melanie said as she explained her plan. “Sounds like a good deal to me.  Oh, he feels to neat in my shoe.  He’s not struggling much though,” Mandy said. “He’s probably pretty tuckered out.  I’m sure his family has really worked him over well this weekend.  If my plan goes right, his mother will let me and my mom have him overnight to discipline.  Then I’ll convince my mom to let me have him, and I’ll come over to your place, and we can just totally humiliate and torture him.  That will be so much fun!” Melanie exclaimed. The day wore on long for Sean.  Not knowing whose foot he was under kept his mind running through a variety of scenarios as to who it could be.  One thing he was certain was that the smell of his assailant’s foot was very strong through the tan nylon mesh that rubbed his body raw.  Each step she took crushed the air out of Sean, and reminded him that his freedom was taken away by his desire to be a slave to women’s feet.  Tears streamed down his face, and his cries were muffled because his face was repeatedly pressed into the ball of this giantess’ foot. Right after the last hour of school, both Mandy and Melanie snuck into the girls’ bathroom.  Mandy had been able to keep her identity a secret.  When she went to go retrieve Sean from her shoe, she lifted the heel of her foot out of her shoe, and pressed down very hard on Sean as she dragged her foot towards the middle of her shoe, and then pinched his head between her thumb and index finger, smothering his face, and dropped him nonchalantly into Melanie’s waiting black flat.  Sean flew through the air into the hot insole, and his head was wedged beneath Melanie’s foot.  The light quickly disappeared beneath Melanie’s all-too familiar foot.  Her arch pinned him tightly against the unforgiving, sweat-soaked insole of her black flat.  Her tan nylon rubbed into him painfully, like Mandy’s nylon did.  The odor filled Sean’s nostrils with her pungent, fragrant, sweaty foot.  There was little that he could do, but decide to try to enjoy the odor.  But just as he was getting aroused, Melanie began to walk, and she walked right to her mother’s office. ******************* Forty-five long minutes had passed.  Joyce, Mary, and Melanie had had a long discussion.  Melanie had explained to them that she found Sean licking her shoes during last hour, and that she had no idea how he got there.  As a result, she knew to put Sean in her shoe, and after last hour brought him to Joyce’s office.  Mary was infuriated—not at Melanie, or even Sean for that matter—at Kim.  Kim was going to be punished, and Joyce provided her the materials to do it.  Mary had agreed that since Sean “wanted Melanie’s feet that badly” he should be punished by them for the rest of the afternoon and night, and in the morning, he would be given to his sister Jennifer.  They were all in agreement, except Sean.  He had no idea what was happening, as he spent the entire time in Melanie’s shoe.  Melanie was so happy, knowing that she was going to get to torture him with his ex-girlfriend. Mary arrived at her house and walked in to the living room.  There, Kim was bawling her eyes out, holding her sandal in her hands “I don’t know where he is,” she said through the crying. Mary walked over and slapped her hard across her face.  Kim went sprawling from the couch onto her face on the floor.  Mary walked over and placed her foot on the back of Kim’s neck, pinning her to the floor.  Mary was wearing a jean skirt, yellow shirt, white socks, and dirty white canvas Keds. “Remember what I said!?  If he escapes, you take his place!  So, now you will be my foot slave until we find Sean, is that understood!?!”  Mary showed no mercy.  She removed an eye dropper full of the shrinking antidote and shoved it up Kim’s nose and squeezed.  Kim choked on the feeling of liquid being squirted into her nose and hitting the back of her throat, and by reflex, swallowed the entire dose.  Mary did the same thing with a second antidote, the fluid that helped its victim be able to withstand the painful crushing.  Kim kept crying and passed out as she shrunk, disappearing into her clothes. Mary bent down and found Kim in the middle of her shirt, unconscious.  She grabbed Kim’s clothes in a ball and stood up.  Mary then dropped Kim into her pocket and proceeded to throw Kim’s clothes into her room.  After she recomposed herself after losing her cool, she proceeded to her kitchen and grabbed a glass of water to drink.  While downing her drink, she felt a struggle in her pocket.  Kim had come to. Meanwhile, Melanie had proceeded to Mandy’s house.  She walked in and the girls proceeded back to Mandy’s bedroom.  Mandy had changed clothes, and was now wearing a white t-shirt, jeans, and her patent black flats without nylons. “So, what happened?” Mandy inquired. “They totally bought it!  I told them that I found him licking my shoe, and that I just put him in my shoe so he couldn’t escape and brought him to my mom.  Mary was happy to let me punish him overnight.  I don’t have to be home until 10, and it’s only 4 now.  When do your parents get back?” Melanie inquired. “Not till late . . . sugar,” Mandy said with a seductive smile.  The two locked lips and embraced for a few minutes.  Both girls sat on the bed and kissed seductively.  While liplocked, Melanie slipped off her shoe and set it on Mandy’s lap.  They stopped kissing and looked at Sean. Sean lay very still in the sweaty, smelly insole of Melanie’s shoe.  He was exhausted and his body hurt all over and even more so when he tried to move.  He opened his eyes, which burned from the sweat, and realized who he was looking at.  Mandy’s smile widened as she noticed the fear that simply looking at the diminutive form of her ex-boyfriend instilled in him.  Without saying a word, she picked him up and put him in her mouth, sucking on him and enjoying the taste of Melanie’s foot that he had absorbed.  She then proceeded to get on her knees, grabbed Melanie’s nylon-clad foot, and began to suck on her toes, rubbing Sean with her tongue against them.  Melanie closed her eyes and laid back on the bed, enjoying the feeling that Mandy was applying to her foot.  She spent about fifteen minutes sucking on Melanie’s wonderful toes.  Sean hated every bit of this, as he was soaked in Mandy’s saliva, and his body rubbed raw from the nylon mesh, adding to his misery. When Mandy was finished, she spat Sean on the ground and began stomping on him repeatedly with her shoe.  She smashed him into the carpet like she was putting out a cigarette.  Slowly and painfully, she ground and ground him, burning his body on the carpet fibers.  The girls couldn’t hear it, but Sean was screaming as loud as he possibly could with the limited oxygen in his lungs.  After a few painful minutes, Mandy moved the heel of her shoe on to her victim, and resumed grinding him with all of her weight for about another minute. Melanie grabbed her purse, and pulled out two joints and a lighter. “Care for a hit?” she asked Mandy. “Love one!” she excitedly replied.  She lifted her shoe off of Sean, who was crying and convulsing in pain.  She picked him up and put him back in her mouth, and grabbed a joint from Melanie, and proceeded to light up. Sean lay on Mandy’s sticky tongue.  He noticed a very potent influx of smoke.  Mandy just inhaled the smoke, and let it sit in her lungs and mouth for several long moments, which is all it took for Sean to get buzzed.  Everything began to move very slowly for Sean, and it wasn’t long before he completely passed out. When he came to, Sean found that he was completely restrained, except his head.  He looked down at his body, and was able to tell that he was covered by a skin-tight covering.  He heard laughter and the sounds of kissing.  Then whatever he was bound to was picked up, and he was looking at Melanie’s smiling face. “You always were a dick, and now, you’re on one,” Melanie quipped.  Sean had a puzzled look, and then realized that he had been placed on a dildo, and covered with a condom.  Apparently, there had been a small hole for his head to be pushed thru.  Melanie opened her mouth and began to suck on the dildo, enveloping Sean quickly in her mouth.  After a few moments passed, she pulled him out of her mouth and was lowered to a horizontal position.  Mandy’s crotch was waiting. Back at home, Jennifer walked in from hanging out with some of her friends.  She said hello to her mother and set her book bag down on the floor, and noticed a tiny slave licking the toenail of one of her mother’s big toe.  Jennifer then noticed the longer hair of the slave, and realized that this was her sister Kim at her mother’s foot. “What happened?  Why is she shrunk?” Jennifer inquired. Before answering, Mary pinched Kim’s head in between her big and second toe, and curled it under her foot, enveloping Kim’s head tightly, and squishing her beneath her foot. “Sean escaped from her sandal, and I’m punishing her” Mary said calmly. Jennifer had a surprised and alarmed look on her face. “Don’t worry, I know where he is.  Melanie found him licking her shoe and trapped him in it.  But because he escaped, and I warned Kim about losing him, I shrunk her.  She doesn’t know that he’s been found, so don’t tell her.  You can wear her all day tomorrow, and Melanie is supposed to turn Sean over to you, too, tomorrow.  Wear one in each shoe, and yes, you can wear them both during the volleyball game,” Mary said with a smile. Jennifer’s smile widened as well.  “How long is Kim going to be shrunk?” “Probably until Saturday.  You can have them both during Homecoming.” Jennifer thanked her mom and proceeded to her room.  She lay down on her bed after kicking off her shoes, dreaming about Friday night.  The personal pleasure, and the potential torture she had planned for her siblings was all coming to her mind. It had been the longest hour Sean had ever had to endure.  He went back and forth between Melanie’s and Mandy’s crotch, trapped on this dildo, and bringing both to fruition a multitude of times each.  They were finally done, and getting themselves dressed, leaving Sean to lay on the dildo on the bed.  Mandy administered one more humiliation—she grabbed her camera and took a multitude of pictures of Sean in his current predicament, and threatened to post them on her myspace account if he failed to do what she told him whenever they saw each other next.  Melanie pulled the condom off the dildo, which reapplied a variety of the girl’s juices, as well as the spermicidal fluid from the interior of the condom to Sean.  Melanie then laid him down in the insole of her shoe, and with little care for her slave, slipped her shoe on, kissed Mandy a long kiss goodbye, and proceeded to her car. When she arrived home, Joyce wanted Sean to sleep in her slippers again, and Melanie handed him over.  This time, Sean slept nestled under Joyce’s smelly toe crevice, where she scrunched him for a long time to make him experience a very intense orgasm before she headed to bed.  Having been forced to release the load that had built up during his evening with the girls, Sean slept painfully at the toes of her captor. **************************** The next day, Melanie wore Sean in her black felt Mary Jane’s that had a bow on the forward part of the shoe.  She wore black nylons and a green skirt with matching top.  She bound his arms to his side with tape, and had a strip of tape around his knees as well, should he feel ballsy and try to escape in some way.  She also had carefully applied a strip of tape over his mouth, forcing him to inhale her fragrant feet.  She scrunched him often during class with her toes, keeping him erect most of the time.  However, she never allowed him to come to fruition, as she would squeeze him tightly with her toes for several minutes.  The feel of the nylon on Sean’s already battered and bruised body only added to the miserable conditions he was enduring in the filthy, smelly shoe that Melanie’s foot inhabited.  The rubbing on his manhood was the only form of any redemption this situation provided.  Sean was getting used to the constant game of arousal and denial when Melanie’s foot left her shoe, causing a sucking sound in the shoe and allowing some much appreciated cooler air to flow in.  Sean was also blinded by the bright light. He then felt some commotion and noticed a finger grip the inside of the heel of the shoe, and then some rapid ascension.  Sean began to slide down the slippery insole towards the finger, as the shoe was tipped up.  He landed with a thud to the sound of a chuckle that was all too familiar—his sister Jennifer.  He was then dumped into Jennifer’s waiting hand. “Thanks!  He looks really miserable.  I can’t believe he was licking your shoe yesterday!!?” Jennifer exclaimed. “Yeh, he confessed to me that this ‘torture’ is only making his fetish stronger.  I didn’t know what else to do with him, so I stuck him in my shoe; figured that’s what he really wanted,” Melanie replied. “Well, I think he’ll change his mind after tonight,” Jennifer said, looking down at her brother with a smile. “Are you going to wear him during the volleyball game?” asked Melanie. Jennifer shook her head, then got up from the desk, clinching her fist around Sean tightly, depriving him of the oxygen that was in his lungs.  She proceeded to the girls bathroom.  She had met Melanie briefly in a classroom during lunch for the exchange.  Jennifer checked beneath the stalls to make sure no one was there, then proceeded to take a seat on a toilet and closed the door.  She opened her fist and looked at her bound brother. “I know how much you like this.  Mom thinks this’ll make you better, but I know better.  I know you want my feet, don’t you?” Sean shook his head emphatically ‘no’. “Don’t lie to me.  If you didn’t like this so much, you wouldn’t have been licking Melanie’s shoe.  I mean, seriously, she’s one person who you know won’t help you.  So, I’m going to ask you . . . do you want me to put you in my nylons?  Under my nylons?  Or under the sole of my shoe?”  Jennifer watched his reaction to the question.  He just lay there like a broken captive.  After a few moments, she answered for him. “So, under my shoe?  That’s kind of a strange place.  You like being crushed don’t you?  I just happen to have some tape right here in my purse.  By the way, you got Kim in a lot of trouble.” Jennifer removed her left shoe and showed Sean a helplessly bound Kim thoroughly taped to the sole of Jennifer’s black patent-leather flats with a lacey bow on the toe as well.  These shoes were well worn by both Jennifer and their mother.  Kim was screaming and crying through the tape that covered her face.  She was having a very hard time dealing with being an inch tall.  Jennifer had her taped in a crucifix on the shoe sole, and used plenty of tape.  Jennifer didn’t want to end up like Kim—a family foot slave.  She slipped the shoe back on, forcing Kim to be crushed as she crossed her right leg on top of her left leg.  She removed her other shoe and laid it sole-side up.  She gently placed Sean on the shoe’s sole, positioning his head and chest to be right beneath the ball of her foot.  With his already bound position, he offered very little resistance to his sister.  She placed several overlapping strips of tape on his legs and abdomen.  She tried to make it as tight as possible.  She purposely left his dick and balls exposed however, and nudged them for a few minutes to get a response from her slave.  Then came the tape over his face and head, which completed the tape-cocoon.  The smell of scotch tape was very strong and the chemical smell was making his stomach churn.  That however was the least of his problems, as the obscured vision of his sister was quickly turned over and replaced with the quickly-approaching cold tile of the women’s bathroom.  It was very dark, and the cold of the tile shot through the tape.  He heard the sounds of a high pitched squeal from his left.  Then, surprisingly, a ton and then some of pressure came from behind him, forcing the valuable air from his lungs, and causing him to black out quickly. The afternoon was long and hard on both Sean and Kim.  They were often awake during the classes that Jennifer attended.  She often propped her feet up on the book shelf of the desk in front of her, using the wooden slats to torture her siblings even more by slowly dragging them down over them.  For Sean, she was able to apply an even more unusually cruel punishment by simply rubbing her shoes on the carpet, pulling and yanking on his exposed cock and balls.  They were reddened due to the abuse and torture Jennifer was applying.  For Kim, she would focus on trying to push her throat against the wood slats, choking and depriving her of even more precious air. In between classes, while Jennifer walked the halls of the school, Kim and Sean spent that time crushed and blacked out usually.  They typically stayed awake for the first few steps, but not much beyond that.  Jennifer was also careful to make sure she felt the bulges that her two bound slaves caused beneath each step.  The power she enjoyed over her younger siblings was intoxicating and arousing.  When 3:30pm rolled around, Jennifer walked out on the hot asphalt, which did tear into the tape, but not enough for freedom, only to apply additional dirt and extreme heat to their insulting existences.  Sean came face to face with his big sister’s gas pedal, while Kim was pressed into the dead pedal on the left.  It was a long 15 minute drive home, as Jennifer was pretty heavy footed for a 5’6” girl driver.  Her Camaro roared down the highway toward their home. ****************** Jennifer sat on her bed, changed out to her volleyball gear.  She looked at the pathetic excuse that was her brother and sister, still taped to the soles of her dress shoes.  She noticed very slight puffs of condensation on the tape as she watched their naked forms ever so slightly raise and lower the tape.  She was contemplating what to do with them for the volleyball game that was a little over an hour and a half away.  She laid Kim’s shoe off to the side and with her right index finger began to tap on Sean’s exposed manhood.  She smiled as she saw him attempt to quiver and squirm from the pain.  This continued for several minutes, much to Sean’s dismay, while she thought of a new torture for her slaves.  Then it finally dawned on her to use her work socks from the previous weekend, and sew them up like she had done to Sean on Saturday. She undid Sean’s bindings, and even the tape that had bound his arms and legs that Melanie had applied earlier that morning.  Sean moved very slowly in the palm of her hand.  Jennifer showed a little mercy allowing him to go free for a few minutes unbound and unmolested in the palm of her hand.  Sean felt pain shoot all through his body at every joint and muscle.  He curled up into a fetal position and cried from the pain.  Jennifer reached down and pinched his head between her index and thumb and held it for a while, stating that she’d let go when he stopped crying.  A minute later, lacking oxygen, he passed out with his head being squeezed between her fingers. When Sean came to, his arms and legs were already sewn into place on the foul-smelling sock.  Jennifer was applying a few strands of thread  crisscross across his shoulders, across his chest, and to the opposite side of his stomach. “PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!  LET ME GO!!!!” Sean exclaimed, which was barely audible to Jennifer.  She smiled as she tied a strand of thread around his throat, which ended his whining very quickly. “I’ll be nice, and only attach two strands of thread to your throat, but as a trade off, I’ll make it a little tighter.” Jennifer chuckled as she anchored the strand up to around the toe area, and then proceeded to do so with a second strand.  Sean was again crying, knowing the crushing steps that his sister was about to administer.  He felt the warmth of her foot fill the sock, and the sounds of the sweat-encrusted sock strands stretching filled his ear.  However, Sean noticed that he wasn’t beneath her heel, but beneath her arch.  The strands around his throat were very tight, and his neck was painfully stretched again as Jennifer sat back and flexed her toes. “I don’t want you to pass out so easily this time, so I’m going to let you enjoy the space under the arch of my foot,” she explained.  She stretched her toes several times and enjoyed watching Sean’s face turn purple before letting go.  She did him the honor of slipping her athletic shoe on so that he could get used to the foul odor that was going to combine from her sock and her sweaty, well-worn volleyball shoes.  Jennifer tied the shoe tight, and then turned her attention to her little sister Kim. Sean’s face was pressed into the smelly, foul cloth of his sister’s shoe insole.  The pressure was all around him, as his body was stretched out from being bound to her sock.  Thankfully, she wasn’t pulling on the threads around his neck yet, but he knew there was little time before that would start.  It was pitch black in the shoe, and in the silence, the reverberation of Jennifer’s heart beat sounded like a pounding hammer in his head.  He also noticed that it seemed slower than his, and guessed that it must be a result of being shrunk down to an inch.  Then he focused on the smell.  He closed his eyes and breathed in deep breathes of his sister’s foul foot odor.  To his dismay, he was becoming aroused by it.  For a foot, it was very smelly, and the fact that this foot was dominating and torturing him with virtually no effort at all added to the arousal.  He turned his head to the side in disgust with himself.  How could he allow himself to be aroused by both his sister’s and his mother’s feet?  What was wrong with him?  He thought to himself that this was going to be his existence—a slave to his family’s feet. Kim didn’t take too well to being bound to Jennifer’s sock.  Not only did she tie three strands around her neck, she also put several threads on either side of her mouth, creating a binding that gagged her.  Jennifer then tested her torture by flexing her toes.  The gag in Kim’s mouth caused her jaw to dislocate, and screams and tears poured out of her when Jennifer released the flex.  To quell her crying and screaming, Jennifer flexed her toes back, strangling Kim and causing her to stop screaming.  Jennifer held Kim there for about 30 seconds, then released, watching Kim huff and puff for air and then resume her crying.  She then flexed her toes again, administering the strangling torture to Kim again, this time, holding it for about 50 seconds, stretching Kim to her limit.  Again Jennifer released and the threads around Kim’s neck relaxed some. “Okay, last one.  You’ll wake up in my shoe after this Kim.  Hope you like,” Jennifer said teasingly.  Her toes again flexed upward, pulling on the threads, and causing Kim’s jaw to further dislocate.  Jennifer noticed that Kim’s mouth was open exceedingly wide, but didn’t think anything of it.  She kept her toes flexed backward for over a minute, and noticed Kim’s body go limp, having passed out painfully at the unmerciful foot of her giantess sister.  She lowered her foot down and inserted it into her shoe, where she tied the shoe up very tightly as well.  Jennifer noticed the time and figured it would be about right to go to the gym to begin warm-ups.

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. nutella eater, allergy sufferer, story writer lefty eyebag 😌

Good morning, hope you slept well! How are you?

I just finished eating breakfast. Made a bagel sandwich, that had an egg and hashbrown. What do you usually have for breakfast? Do you like oatmeal?

I think I know what you're talking about. Are they like thicker sprinkles too? I might have seen some tiktok videos of people eating that! It looks good, but I'm weird. I don't think I'd eat it because its sprinkles lol I don't even like sprinkles on donuts.

I like honey wheat. But then I found butter bread, and that's all I like now for sandwiches except when I make subs or reuben sandwiches. But my favorite is french bread, garlic bread, and sweet rolls. I could eat those anytime lol

There's this one restaurant here in Omaha where they serve fresh baked bread before the meal, and the first time I had it, the waitress showed us to have olive oil and parmesan cheese on a plate, then dip the bread..ohmygosh it was amazing. Especially since it was so fresh and hot! But the taste of the bread and oil and parmesan together..it just melted in my mouth. Maybe I'll go there this weekend...🤔🤣😅

Ah I see, so he loves to fish?

When I read the part where you called the fish ugly, I died laughing. Poor fishy lol but I know what you mean though. When I was younger, my grandma would take me with her to the market. And in the Philippines, they have like a fish market and it's open and you can smell all the fishy that they just caught for the day. The smell was so crazy and to see the fish just laying there with the tongue out like a dead person..the eyes looking at you, saying "why did you let them take meee".

Yeah I also can't eat fish with the bones. My bad experience was with sardines. I used to love sardines when I was younger, but then one time, I don't know if I got the wrong brand or something. I made it, started eating it, then felt a piercing on my gums, then something cracked between my teeth. I was surprised, and scared cause I though it was eating my own tooth or something. Then when I spit it out, it was a bone. Blegh.

No, I have not seen a shooting star either. When I go camping I always try to check the sky for it though lol

What do you do when you can't fall asleep?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello you bread lover little john righty eyebag!

ouh sounds like a good breakfast. wait so u put the hashbrown between the bagel? what kind of bagel u like?

i rarely have breakfast but when i have breakfast i like to have bagel and cream cheese with iced coffee. that's for the quick breakfast but if i have time to sit down and eat, i usually have either sausage patty or ham with over easy egg and bacon. or just oatmeal with raisin, almonds and brown sugar. so yes, i love oatmeal.

yes i think it's a thicker sprinkles. it's different from sprinkles here. i think u will like this sprinkles.

i dont like sprinkles on donut either. what kind of donut u like?

honey wheat and butter bread are good. i love french bread if i dip it with creamy soup. i dont like garlic bread especially if it's too strong. i like garlic only in certain food.

haha yeah maybe u should go there this weekend. then u can take a pict for me if u go. hahah. last time i went to a italian restaurant n they serve their garilc bread with olive oil and some vinagret they even put some italian herbs and u can taste the basil.

basil is one of my favorite herbs. have i asked u what's ur favorite herbs? i think i did. lol.

yes, he likes to fish.

hahaha yeees some market in indonesia are like that too. i really dont like it when my mom took me there. it grossed me out. the floor were wet and the market smell from the fish and meat. n i remember all the fish were lined up. they all looked ugly. n the life chickens n stuff. i feel like the air there is not safe to breath. hahaha. n what concerned me the most is the wet ground. some puddle probably from the seller rinse their stall. i dont know, only god knows. it stressed me out when i got splashed even just a tiny drop from whatever water whereever it comes from.

also i'm glad u died laughing when u read my comment about the ugly fish n i'm glad that u revived. lol. i laughed when u mentioned about the fish tongue. ahahhah. It makes me think something like this:

yeah we experienced kinda similar things with fish bones. hahahahaha. n it's scary for me.

u like to go camping? i don't. i had bad experience in camping when i was in girlscout.

when i can't sleep, i will write or browse the internet like instagram or tiktok or just try to sleep, tossing n turn. either way i end up got headache n i will take tylenol n fell asleep. what about u?

next question?

Cheerio!

[bigfootsgirlfriendd]

back 2 THIS oversharing but i am going to mildly shove my mother. i love her AND!!!! she buys me junk. like...hello. the kind bar is one thing but she noticed the first week of quarantine the part of this ED i actually find ugly reared its head as in i ate...too many corn chips and wanted to die and worked off the calories which also made me want to die...and during that i built some muscle from all the fucking workouts but in my quadriceps and then i was like now i REALLY want to kill myself. but anyways. i complain because what the fuck else do i have to say. not a hell of a lot. to continue complaining....she bought me corn chips and like!!! ones specifically for me and i was thinking in my head ‘i will take you out.’ i didnt ask for it. ive been stressing that i dont want to eat that shit. like i talked to her about it and how distressing it is for me. i mean think about it. a little. it’s hard to describe what it’s LIKE to feel so horrific about shit food and your body even when you are still like a size 2-4 and so i should just shut up, right? but the physical reality doesnt even matter. ok it does because when your dumbass disordered brain makes u eat shit guess what. the amount of PHYSICAL pain it causes. i potentially have celiac and the fact that i would still eat bread and it was fucking EXCRUCIATING. and i know pain, given i am female. this was worse than the cramps that had me lying on the ground for a solid hour. just waiting for it to be over. 

anyways. it’d been awhile since the last grocery run (well, about a week) and FINALLY. i was making progress for a few days. feeling good! eating my regular healthy shit and NOTHING. ELSE. it just sucks so bad when people around you eat like shit and don’t care. luckily i have like..the vegan thing and telling myself (though i can’t confirm it, like, NOW) that i have celiac has helped. but every damn day dude!! my f*ther is constantly shitting on my sister for eating a lot of sugar and saying ‘she’s gonna get diabetes’ which...isn’t wROnG per se but like sir your body is already failing you every damn day of the week and you eat like shit! who’s the one eating shit tons of red meat, mayonnaise (which, btw...that should be a crime that gets you put in jail. none of this weed shit. if you eat mayo....straight to prison), BEER. like sir what the fuck did you think would happen. my mother...is interesting lmao she eats a lot of shitty things but small amounts and then continues to eat small amounts of actually good things too ‘to compensate.’ is she rail thin? no! then why do i feel insecure? well!! that is my issue to deal with. issues? probably. i just want to like...manifest my own like shed. doesnt have to be large or anything. shed. with my kitchen and pots and pans and spoons and not oNE of them has been used to cook something gross. and those pantry shelves? you’ll see nothing but legumes, broth and almond milk! PERIOD. (okay...unless i’ve forgotten something else). 

what i am saying is all i asked for food wise was fruits, vegetables, broth, almond milk. baby carrots as a snack for the hummus in the fridge. and she bought me a family size bag of corn chips and a glorified candy bar of a product (less sugar? maybe so. but who the fuck cares? it’s literally all trash). maybe i will crush them up and flush them down the toilet. i hate to be wasteful. but it is waste is it not. then i have to wash the container tonight. and she bought another box of gluten free crackers. which....ma’am. they have sugar added. im not gonna fucking touch them. why would you do this. 

it’s so wild cause growing up i always thought my mom, at least, was healthy. that as a family we were healthy. but i feel like in america we have such a warped view of what that actually fucking means. and this is on the east coast, too! i can’t imagine the midwest. i’m a skeleton in the grave there i’m sure. which isn’t entirely their fault. but anyways. but looking at all this shit. like....i want to scream? kind of? 

i would, but...best not to have neighbors think that you’re getting murdered. although...i think that people feel like neighbors would do something if they heard noises. but let’s be real. every time some random knocks on the door we play dead until it goes away. let telemarketers go to voicemail. block out sirens with noise cancelling headphones or, country version (rural?) if you hear some whack shit out in the woods? like fuck are you gonna go out there and investigate! you’re gonna go ‘well that’s none of my business’, pretend to forget you heard it, and move on! i don’t know how many of these sentences are coherent. 

i’m gonna go eat some baby carrots now. fuck. 

[dashlung62-blog]

Zucchini Spice Cake

My new favorite zucchini cake recipe! This simple, made from scratch, Zucchini Spice Cake is loaded with spices and topped with a sweet cream cheese icing. Applesauce and zucchini make this easy snack cake extra moist and totally delicious. No butter or oil! Love zucchini as much as I do? Make sure to try out this Lemon Zucchini Cake and this Chocolate Zucchini Cake.

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This recipe is sponsored by Almond Breeze.

Zucchini Spice Cake

Y’all know I love my zucchini recipes. I grow zucchini every summer and coming up with new recipes to use that zucchini in is one of my favorite summer activities. Over the years I’ve shared so many amazing zucchini cake recipes, each one a personal favorite of mine.

Today, I think I’ve outdone myself. I took inspiration from my Nana’s to-die for carrot cake and ended up with an incredibly delicious and moist zucchini cake with enough spices to make your mouth go WOW. No oil. No butter. Applesauce does it all and trust me, you won’t miss the oil one bit.

As you well know, it takes a seriously special occasion to get me to make a layered cake and this past week was not one of them lol! I went with a snack cake made in a 9-inch baking dish which perfectly served our sweet tooth while still allowing me to use up some of that zucchini.

I added some toasted walnuts and coconut to the mix because, well, I love them and they pair so beautifully with zucchini. If you are not a fan of one or the other (or both!) you can leave them out, no problem.

I used Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla almondmilk to get the perfect texture in this zucchini spice cake. Using almondmilk instead of water in this cake recipe really adds a lot of delicious flavor and since I keep several cartons on hand for smoothies, it’s an easy option. I used the unsweetened vanilla because I was planning on icing the cake but if you’re not, the regular vanilla would be a good option as well. In fact, the Almondmilk Coconutmilk Blend would be PERFECT here too! Almond Breeze Almondmilk is available in both refrigerated and shelf stable so you can keep it on hand in the pantry.

One thing I have failed to mention is the crazy delicious aroma wafting from your oven as this cake is baking. You guys. It was so hard to wait for this baby to cool down… If I hadn’t already set out the cream cheese and butter to soften, I think I would have waited about 30 minutes and just sprinkled the cake with powdered sugar – yum!

That being said, I opted for a quick cream cheese icing to give the zucchini cake a little added sweetness. The icing is super simple: cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar and enough Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla almondmilk to get the perfect consistency. Start with a couple tablespoons and add more as needed.

Tips for the Best Zucchini Spice Cake

Grate the zucchini onto a towel. Wrap up the zucchini and squeeze out all the excess liquid. Make sure you reeeeally squeeze that zucchini – use those muscles! You want as much moisture out as possible before baking.

I added coconut and toasted walnuts for additional flavor and texture. One or both can be left out of this recipe should you desire. You can also substitute a different nut for the walnuts – pecans would be excellent!

Line your pan with parchment paper. I like to remove my cake from the pan to slice it. The parchment not only helps the cake bake more evenly, but it also allows for easy removal from the pan.

This cake is lovely straight from the oven and can be served as is or with a sprinkling of powdered sugar. I opted for a quick cream cheese icing to give it some added sweetness and a pop of color. It also creates a yummy place for the toasted walnuts to stick to.

My Nana used to top her carrot cake with a sprinkle of chopped, toasted nuts and I love the added texture it gives this cake. It’s easy to do but can also be skipped if you’re in a hurry or don’t like nuts.

I sure hope you give this zucchini spice cake a try!

How To Make Zucchini Cake

This simple, made from scratch, Zucchini Spice Cake is loaded with spices and topped with a sweet cream cheese icing. No butter. No oil. Applesauce and zucchini make this easy snack cake extra moist and totally delicious!

Course: Dessert

Cuisine: American

Keyword: cake, zucchini

Servings: 16

Calories: 288 kcal

Author: Trish - Mom On Timeout

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1 tbsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/4 tsp ground cloves

2/3 cup brown sugar

2/3 cup granulated sugar

2 eggs, room temperature

2/3 cup applesauce

1/4 cup almondmilk

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups grated zucchini

1 cups shredded, sweetened coconut (optional)

3/4 cup toasted walnuts, divided

Cream Cheese Icing

4 oz cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup butter, softened

2-3 cups powdered sugar

2-3 tbsp almondmilk

Instructions

Spray a 9-inch square baking pan with cooking spray and line with parchment paper. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves. Set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together sugars, eggs, applesauce, almondmilk and vanilla extract.

Stir in the flour mixture just until combined.

Stir in zucchini, coconut and toasted walnuts.

Pour into prepared baking dish and bake for 25 to 28 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Let cool completely before icing.

Cream Cheese Icing

Beat the cream cheese and butter together until light and fluffy. Beat the powdered sugar in one cup at a time. Beat in the almondmilk one tablespoon at a time until your desired consistency is achieved.

Drizzle icing over the top of the cooled cake and top with remaining toasted walnuts.

Nutrition Facts

Amount Per Serving (16 g)

Calories 288 Calories from Fat 81

% Daily Value*

Total Fat 9g 14%

Saturated Fat 3g 15%

Cholesterol 35mg 12%

Sodium 148mg 6%

Potassium 186mg 5%

Total Carbohydrates 47g 16%

Dietary Fiber 1g 4%

Sugars 34g

Protein 4g 8%

Vitamin A 5.5%

Vitamin C 6.6%

Calcium 5.6%

Iron 7.1%

* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.

More zucchini recipes for my zucchini lovers 🙂

Arguably one of the most popular zucchini recipes I’ve ever shared and with good reason. This Zucchini Quiche is incredibly easy to make and loaded with awesomeness – i.e. bacon AND zucchini. Come get ya some!

This is the bread I make when I want to feel good about myself as a parent. Zucchini, carrots and apples all make their way into this quick bread that doubles as dessert in a pinch. Icing optional.

People doubt this recipe…until they make. Lemon and zucchini make an amazing combination and this zucchini cake recipe proves it. One slice is never enough for this lemon-lover.

For all breakfast recipes, go HERE. For all dessert recipes, go HERE. Sign up to get emails when I post new recipes! For even more great ideas follow me on Facebook – Pinterest – Instagram – Twitter – Bloglovin’.

Have a great day!

Source: https://www.momontimeout.com/zucchini-spice-cake-recipe/

[littlethingwithfeathers]

Whole 30: A Retrospective.

So here we are... Day 31. I made it! Sugar in my coffee has never tasted so good... even if it is an eighth of what I used to use.

Here’s a brief rundown of my month, and then I’ll get to my more detailed thoughts.

Plan: Whole30 diet, which meant for 30 days I consumed basically only fresh veggies and fruit, some nuts, and meat. No dairy of any kind. No grain of any kind (this includes quinoa and such). No soy of any kind. No preservatives of any kind (save a few that were given a pass). No sugar or artificial sweeteners beyond what occurs naturally in food. No beans (save anything where I also eat the pod, like snow peas or green beans.). No alcohol (cries forever).  It’s a hard reset, basically.

Status: I’m amazed at how much better I feel. While inflammation was never a huge problem for me, I can tell that getting my hormones in order has helped clear my skin and given me a better sleep schedule.

Weight lost: 15 pounds! I was hoping for at least ten (that was how much my mom lost)! Wow. Down to 184.2 from 199.2! Hopefully, adding more serious exercise will continue this trend.

Pros of this diet: 

It’s actually not that hard, if you are really proactive and take care of yourself. All the restrictions seem really scary, and before the age of the internet and Google, it would have seemed nigh impossible. 

I did lose weight! 

Better sleep. Clearer skin. A lot of people report lessening of joint and muscle pain.

No calorie counting, point system, or any similar ridiculousness. And within the bounds of the rules, eat all you want. Eat until you are full. If you’re hungry, you’re doing this diet wrong. And that leads me to...

Hungry feels different. It’s not this sudden, desperate, oh-god-must-consume-food panic. It’s more just...  yeah I need to eat something. And would you look at that, it’s noon.

Cons of this diet:

You have to cook. There’s almost no getting around this unless you want to live on vinegar dressed salad for a month.This was not a con for me but it might be for some people.

You have to become a label reading maniac. It gets tiresome for the first couple of weeks, but you learn quickly what to watch for where, and stop having to think about it so hard. But there is a learning curve and you have to be diligent. Like did you know there’s sugar in a lot of commercial beef broth? Neither did I.

There are actual, honest to God, side effects early on as you detox from the sugar rollercoaster. Mood swings. Headaches. But it doesn’t last forever. It’s just annoying for a week or two depending on how addicted to sugar you are.

Unless you live in NYC or California, kiss eating out at most restaurants goodbye for the duration. Seriously... there’s maybe two places in my sizeable city where I can eat something other than a salad, and one of them is Whole Foods. It really bites.

Here are some more detailed thoughts under the cut.

Attitude:

You should to come to something like this with an attitude of discovery. It really helps keep you from cheating if you’re constantly wondering, “I wonder how I’ll feel tomorrow?” Experiment. Be aware of your body and what it’s saying and how it changes. For me the differences were pretty marked, and that made the first couple of weeks (which are the hardest by far) worth it.

Cooking:

I really feel like being able to cook for yourself is essential to success on this diet. I never slipped, but the times that I came closest were when I found myself stuck with unappealing options for food (usually something cold like a salad) because I didn’t plan ahead. Warm, filling meals are key to ensuring you stay on track and aren’t tempted to stray. 

If you don’t know how to cook, do one of two things. If you’re someone easily derailed by excuse-making or roadblock-finding, learn to cook before you do this. You don’t have to be Julia Child, but get comfy making a few things like soup, stuff in a crock pot... the basics. Look back through my #whole30 and #recipes and you’ll find some recipes to try. They’re all pretty easy. 

Or if you’re one who takes things like that as more of a challenge, use this opportunity to learn how to cook. I tried cooking lots of new things while on this diet, and some things are definitely keepers even after the 30 days is up.

Either way, I really feel like being able to cook is -almost- a requirement here, unless you live in some alien hippie-scape like California or NYC that’s full of hipsters and free-range vegans. The food culture in this country on the whole is such that you will largely be on your own to supply yourself with good things to eat. No stopping somewhere on the way home from work. No picking up something between rehearsals. Trust me. I’ve been there. You will have to take care of yourself. And apples and almond butter will only take you so far.

Water:

Holy sweet Cheezits. Get ready to drink all the water ever on this diet. I’m serious. It’s insane, and it actually freaked me out a little. But, I did some reading and apparently this is a pretty common problem that can be attributed to several factors. 

One being that if you depended on sugary off-diet drinks for your fluid intake, you are probably drinking far less fluid than you realize (this was me for sure). But even actually calculating how much water I should drink per day, and sticking to it, I was still thirsty a lot of the time. Which leads me to...

Another factor is that if you’re eating less processed/fast food, you’re likely taking in a lot less salt than you usually do. And salt helps your body retain water. Make sure when you’re cooking, you salt your food well enough. 

There’s also the possibility that shaking up the amount and type of carbs and fats you’re eating is causing a change in how much water you’re retaining. The book recommended making sure you’re eating a lot of “wet” fruits and veggies. 

According to the book, this should largely sort itself out over time. It never really did for me until the very end, despite my awareness of the issue and best efforts to solve it. But drinking more water never hurt anyone. Just be ready to haul a big jug around.

Unhappy guts, headaches, cravings, and mood swings:

This is one of the first diets I’ve ever seen that comes with a list of side-effects. And they aren’t lying. If you’ve got time to read the book, it actually lists out when you should expect these symptoms and for how long... they’ve got it down to a science. But anyway, here’s my experience...

If you’re like me and you are not terribly keen on rabbit food, this diet is going to throw your guts for a loop. So just... be ready. There’s not really much to do to help with it that I’ve seen. It’s just part of the process. For most people it clears up in the first week or two if it’s a problem at all... it lasted me most of the whole month. If you’re worried about this, it might be worth your time to eat some probiotic stuff like Activia or whatever in the run up to your start date. But I can’t vouch for whether or not it helps.

Headaches have been a thing too, at least for the first couple of weeks as my body got used to the severe lack of sugar. Ibuprofen and doing a little light exercise like going for a walk helped.

The first couple of weeks were also pretty tough on the bloodsugar swings, but I got through it. It seriously felt like mild drug withdrawals, which was sort of scary to think about. The book offers some excellent advice for telling the difference between “hungry” and “sugar craving.” When you find yourself “hungry” think to yourself, “Well, I could have some roasted carrots, grilled chicken and green beans.” or whatever the equivalent meal will be for you. If that doesn’t sound appealing, it’s sugar you’re craving. My best fix was to have a tall glass of water, a small palmful of almonds, and go for a walk. It would usually sort itself out. But it took discipline. 

The toughest part of this diet for me in a lot of ways was the mood swings early on. Cutting out sugar sends your hormones into a state of eternal WTF and there’s really not a fix for it other than isolation and time. Thankfully, I work from home, and my husband and roommate don’t, so I had lots of alone time to deal with it without casualties. And it helps to be aware that the moodswings are a thing. So, just know you’re not going crazy. Like everything else, it passes.

Cooking Fats:

This diet makes a huge deal about cooking fat. They give you all sorts of choices to keep you away from butter and peanut/soybean oils, like coconut oil, ghee, and so forth. And many of the recipes call for these ingredients.

Personally, I just kept to good old fashioned olive oil and rendered animal fat (like from beef and sausage that’s been browned) for the majority of my cooking. And I got some sesame oil for making stirfried veggies. All the other options seemed too expensive, and even before I went on the Whole30 diet, olive oil has always been my fat of choice for cooking. So don’t feel obliged, is what I’m saying.

Some serious saviors:

Here are some products and ingredients that saved my tail during these 30 days.

- whole raw unsalted almonds. I wouldn’t have made it without these to snack on when I got a sugar crash. It doesn’t take many to kill a craving... just 6 or 8 or so at most. Do yourself a favor and get a good sized tub and just keep them in your kitchen. My mom also likes olives for this as well. Just check your ingredients. 

- dried fruit bars. “That’s It” and “Pressed by Kind” are my favorites, though I like the former best because they’re cheaper. They’re exactly what they say on the tin... just dried fruit that’s been ground and pressed into bars. No preservatives or sweeteners. They aren’t something you should eat every day, but they are a lifesaver for when you get caught somewhere and didn’t bring your lunch/dinner. It’s a good idea to bring almonds with you too, just to get a little protein in your snack.

- sesame oil. I know... sounds crazy. But let me tell you, I spent most of this diet willing to sell my kidney for a decent stirfry, and vegetables sauteed in sesame oil with a little garlic and ginger kept me from having to resort to backalley surgery.

- Califia Farms brand Black and White coffee drink. It’s almond milk and cold brewed coffee with a little coconut cream. It’s amazing and much better than just plain black coffee or coffee without sugar.

[dothewrite]

hey, hope you're doing well. but um, i'm not at the moment and i kinda need some comfort haha. so this one's kinda personal, but can you please write a scenario where s/o's confronting her dad about never wanting to see him again bc he's never been there and the entire time kuroo's been waiting outside (bc she insists on doing it alone) and when things start to take a turn for the worst, she storms out and stays with him for the night?

I got to work writing this immediately after I saw your request, and even though I’m a little over my posting time I hope this helps you at least a little. The dynamics of the characters itself might not be what you relate to, but, I hope you find some kind of comfort tonight.

You’re going to be okay.

“You’re home.”

“Of course, honey,” he laughs without looking, “it’s my house.”

You can feel the closed front door like an anchor behind you, dragging your spirit lower and lower by the ankle, leaving ugly, purple marks all over your legs like mauled meat. There’s no going back, it tells you, and there’s no escape. It’s do or die, because if you don’t do, it’s only going to kill you bit by bit on the inside.

Who knew that something you wanted to say so badly, would be the most difficult to actually leave your lips?

“It’s really late,” you quietly say, “it’s almost one in the morning.”

He finally turns at your words, those almond-shaped, green eyes you see every morning in your own face reflected back at you. It looks like a desert behind them. “Asking me why I’m not in bed yet? Aren’t you quite the adult now?”

The heat is burning you alive, and the dryness is parching your throat. You swallow, in vain, and the air scrapes your throat raw on its way down.

“You’re supposed to be the one asking me why I’m home so late.”

The smile fades from his face, and suddenly the spatula he’s wielding looks more like a weapon, frozen in his single-handed grasp and you realize you can’t take a step back. Your spine is already pressed as close as it can get against the heavy mahogany door, and your palms flat against it. Your father chooses not to move forwards. His knees are tense, bent, and it reminds you of being hunted down.

“Look,” he says to you, “what has your mother been saying about me again? Don’t you teach me how to be a father when you’re the one wandering in so late at night.”

You’re not the one who’s supposed to teach him anything. If it’s possible to rain inside a mind, it’s a downpour for you, hollowing out a space in your head just so it can pool and you can drown in it. You’re just a kid, you feel reality dig sharply into your side. This man has not taught you anything in his life, except for how it’s like to live without a father.

You inhale sharply through your nose, and it stings. “I’m leaving,” you tell him.

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere where I’m wanted.”

“How can you say that?” He asks, slowly, dully. You had perhaps imagined he’d rush towards you, in a slight frenzy or at least mild worry when you said something like that to him. Your father simply stands there. There’s almost disinterest colouring his voice, and you watch his fingers tap irritably against the spatula. “I’m legally bound to keep you here while you’re still underage.”

“You did that to spite mom.” You raise your eyes to look right into his. They’re unchanging, as always. “You got custody because you could.”

“Is that what she told you?”

You shake your head. “It’s what you tell me, each time I come home.”

He says nothing, and you say nothing. The opposite of love is indifference, and you’ve become intimately acquainted with the inside and outs of that phrase over the course of a barren childhood. Years of going elsewhere, to your mother, to your friends, to your best friend who’s waiting outside for you, because you asked him to. You couldn’t imagine your father doing something like that for you. You couldn’t even imagine your father cooking you breakfast, with that ugly, wooden spatula of his.

“I’m not going to let you go off by yourself,” he waves his hand sternly at you, “you’re going to get me into a lot of trouble.”

“Haven’t I already?” You see his mouth fall open in slight shock- shock that you might have actually called authorities for some inexplicable reason, “I’m in the way. You prefer me out late because it means you can fuck that woman you’ve always been so into. You even butter up to her kid. I’ve just been trouble to begin with.”

“How dare you-”

“Fuck you,” you say. Inflectionless and emotionless, you are completely drained- of affection, of fear, of anything, because in this moment, you barely exist. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving, so don’t you look for me. I never want to see your face again.”

It incenses him. You can see the rage on his face, and rage is more sincere than anything he’s ever shown you, and he advances, step by step. His arms are reaching out towards you, narrowing the gap between man and beast, and you stifle the sudden urge to scream.

Those hands latch onto your shoulders, icy and piercing, and you’re being shaken with every word that he says. Your head hurts, he thumps it against the door and you wish you didn’t exist. “I fed you, I gave you a place to sleep, who do you think gives you a roof on your head? When your mother can’t even afford the floor she sleeps on- who do you think keeps you alive??”

The door suddenly opens behind you, a vague memory that you didn’t lock it shoots through your mind, but as you topple backwards with all the wrath of a fully grown man pushing you to the ground, a pair of arms catch you firmly around your waist. You’re pushed back upwards with a forceful heave, and your father is thrown backwards with the sudden momentum.

Planting a foot firmly into the damp ground behind you, you wrench off his grip on your shoulders. Your chest is heaving with exertion, adrenaline and all the courage that’s been forced into you by the situation, but your father is barely fazed. He stands there, silent, the only thing that shows his struggle is a stray strand of black hair that falls from his coif and it’s the only thing that makes him look remotely human to you.

Not that you’d know. You don’t see him nearly enough to see him anything other than ‘fixed’.

You don’t say anything more. There’s nothing left for you to tell him, all the words you had planned have found their way out one way or another in that short exchange and now you’re just… you. Done. Finished. Once again, you don’t understand the look in your father’s eyes. Your eyes.

Taking the hand that’s hanging next to you, you give it a soft squeeze (your father doesn’t even glance up at the man beside you) and just like that, you walk away. One foot in front of the other.

You’re not stopped.

“Hey,” Kuroo finally says when you two hit the first traffic light. His fingers are wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, flexing at regular intervals as if to remind himself to stay relaxed. “How do you feel now?”

“Tired,” you don’t hesitate to reply. The car smoothly rumbles forwards and you stare steadfastly at the dashboard in front of him.

“We’re almost there,” he murmurs.

He parks, with quiet efficiency, and although the way to his flat is by no means new to you, it’s as silent as the car ride. The elevator lets out a ‘ding’ when it hits the seventeenth floor, and you wait, with your hands folded in front of you, as Kuroo reaches for his keys in his back pocket.

“You’re going to drop them one day if you keep them there.” You slide off your shoes with your heel and Kuroo shrugs while doing the same.

“Haven’t dropped them yet,” he replies.

Your socks pad against the waxed, wooden floor and he hands you a small cup of tea when you make yourself comfortable in his couch. He sits next to you, elbows resting on the other armrest and the two of you sit in peace. The digital fireplace flickers and licks at the dimness of the room, and you take a sip of your tea. Darjeeling.

“Live here,” the silence is broken, and Kuroo is watching you intently. He offers you escape like it’s nothing to him.

“You already offered the couch for me tonight,” you reply slowly.

He shakes his head and stretches an arm out in a way that makes you think of a panther. He’s still leaning away from you, but somehow, with all his limbs stretched out and dangling comfortably at various angles, you feel like he’s offering you comfort in a roundabout kind of way. It warm your face, and you move to hide it behind your hands.

“Bokuto’s moving out,” he tells you, “so there’ll be a free room. I haven’t thought of looking for people to replace him, so…” The corners of his mouth curl up a little, warm. “Live here.”

“I don’t have the money.”

Kuroo blinks. “I do.” You’re opening your mouth to tell him- “It’s not charity, okay,” he interrupts swiftly, “you can take extra shifts at the bookstore, and maybe I can bug Oikawa some more about getting us jobs at the cafe. You can pay it back.” He finally reaches out, a solid hand against your shoulder and you let yourself breathe out. Relaxing into his hold, you shift slightly closer.

“It’s going to take a long time, paying for this place with a bookstore and coffee job.”

“I got you.”

It’s slightly cracked, weak, but it’s a laugh nonetheless that comes out from your throat. “Alright, sugar daddy.”

His laugh is entirely different from yours- lazy and rich, he laughs like it’s a song he’s been aching to sing, despite being completely tone-deaf, and it makes you grin from ear to ear. He grabs you further and pulls you more against him.

“You’re so full of shit,” he grins at you.

Your shrug is faint, half-hearted, but he bumps against you anyway. The tension of tonight, your plan, is unraveled, and even though you feel like you could sleep for the next year, and at the same time not sleep for a week because of how tense you are, you at the very least, feel safe. Feel wanted. You nudge at the lax body beside you, and Kuroo just nudges you right back.

The words will come later. There will be nights where you question, where you doubt and where you probably will fight, but you’re out, and it’s done. Nights with bad movies and quiet conversations will come too, and along with that will be the time to talk about everything you might be still plagued with.

It will all come, in time. For tonight, you fall asleep like this, simply, against Kuroo’s sprawled body on the couch.

[the-wellness-intermix]

My beginner “diet”

Starting a “diet” (I hate the term diet, because if you care enough and are dedicated, it should be a dietary change that you are going to stick to not a quick thing to lose some weight and then fall off the wagon) does not have to be hard at all. In the beginning when your really feeling like you need to make a change in your life and are feeling unhappy with your body but you don’t necessarily know where to begin or your idea of a diet is bland, boring food and that you’ll always be starving; it definitely does not have to be, nor is it. All you have to do is start with little changes and then slowly work your way into bigger changes (but I will cover that in a separate post).

When I started really getting into weight loss I didn’t really have much of an idea on what I was doing. I knew the basics and knew I needed to exercise and eat less... of everything. Because I was pigging out.  

As I mentioned in my post “the Stop and Start Method” I started cutting out fast food and junk food and sugary drinks. When I went grocery shopping I would start going with “cliche go-to’s.” I went to fruit and veggies. I like oranges and I, at one point, started doing frozen grapes because I saw it on Pinterest. They are pretty good. I also started buying Lean Cuisines. I honestly really like Lean Cuisines. They are the more flavorful diet meal compared to Healthy Choice and SmartOnes. But I used to eat those a lot. 

Start with simple grocery changes. I’m going to give you my top 10 easy changes to make to help get you on your way (In addition to my Stop & Start Method).

Switch from white bread to whole grain or multi-grain bread. They aren’t all bad and don’t all taste gross, I promise.

If you are obsessed with coffee, that’s okay, just stop getting sugary drinks. Ease your way into using Stevia or even no sugar at all. That’s what I did. I started ordering unsweetened iced Americano’s and eventually grew to really like them.

Cut out chips and substitute for better snacks. We all love chips. Who doesn’t love chips? Doritos? My weakness. I literally can’t buy them because I promise you, I WILL sit and eat the whole bag. Switch to things like popcorn (preferably air-popped) and not the ones with extra butter, obviously. Even switch it out for veggies with Greek yogurt dip or hummus. Or reach for whole wheat crackers or Triscuits. I love Triscuits.

Ease your way into lower calorie/fat milks. Some people may be lactose-free already but if you are drinking dairy, work your way down to 1% or skim. When I lived at home, my mom always bought 2% milk and when I started trying to be healthier I made her start buying 1% and then I eventually switched to almond milk. But make sure your almond (or any nut) milk doesn’t have added sugars. Look for unsweetened or even unsweetened vanilla, that way there is a natural sweetness. You can get original as well, that’s what I buy often times. Or you can even go for the protein blend ones to add extra protein in your diet. These are usually a blend of almond and cashew milk.

Go for more fruits and veggies. Sounds like a simple cliche one but do it. But I want to say, don’t go crazy with buying them at first. I’m going to be honest with you, there’s a very high chance half or more will end up going to waste. You don’t want to bombard yourself with getting a ton of them because they are fresh ingredients so they have a shorter shelf life. I know sometimes it can be exciting and we feel like we need all of this stuff and you can get wrapped up in it and go over board but just try to be mindful and plan out your weeks and how you think you will utilize each fruit or vegetable. Get more of what you know you like and then buy one thing you’re not sure of and experiment with it. Some of my favorites are:

Watermelon

Cucumbers

Kale or Spinach

Apples

Carrots (with hummus) [Celery is actually an excellent one but I personally hate celery… Lol ]

Yellow Squash and Zucchini (Love to saute it. I’ll put up a recipe soon)

Spaghetti squash (use it like pasta and add some homemade, or no-sugar added, spaghetti sauce)

Oranges

Avocados

Olives and pickles (these are actually great snacks. I know they are love or hate for people but I LOVE olives. They are great for their fats and pickles are a great low-cal snack)

Ground Turkey or Chicken instead of ground beef. There is less fat and less cholesterol in turkey and chicken and you will hardly notice the difference. I love using ground chicken for tacos.

Check your labels and look for things like “No Added Sugars, Sweeteners, Colors, or Preservatives or Artificial etc.” This was a big thing for me. I got really strict about this because I wanted to be healthy and not eat artificial ingredients. This will help you cut down on your processed, refined sugar intake.

Switch out your regular pastas to either quinoa, chickpea, brown rice, or lentil pastas. You honestly will not know the difference. I personally like the chickpea pasta, I can not tell any difference at all.

I do want to add, however, try cutting down on the pastas in general. Cutting down on your carbs will definitely help lose weight. ESPECIALLY Simple carbohydrates. I don’t believe in doing a no-carb diet. This would basically be the Keto diet and I know a lot of people do this and see results but I don’t think that its practical and sustainable.

Eggs! Start eating more eggs. Omelets are great because you can add any meat or veggies that you want. It’s a great way to get more veggies. And you can add cheese but try to do low fat cheeses like Swiss. I always use Swiss cheese in my omelets. You can even make it and bring it for lunch, they heat up pretty well, as long as it is in the same day though. I don’t know about next day.

Another way to use eggs is hard boil them. I actually like hard-boiled eggs. I like them cold. I don’t know if that’s weird, I think warm hard boiled eggs are gross so I always make them ahead of time and refrigerate them. They are great as a quick breakfast or as an add on for lunches.

For my last suggestion, the one thing you could be waiting for, the sweets. A lot of us have a sweet tooth. I don’t have a crazy sweet tooth but I do often times crave a little something sweet before bed some nights. Eating cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. is one of the worst things you can do for your body, especially when trying to lose weight. So, the best way to combat this is find those healthier alternatives. Now keep in mind these may not be uber healthy options, but they’re going to be better than those other junk foods, and we are looking at baby steps here to get you on a path to shedding some pounds and build up to a healthier lifestyle.

Try things like Greek yogurts. Get the ones with fruit mixed in and yes, I’ll say it, try the mixable ones, like Chobani Flips or Fage Corners. Yes, there is still going to be some sugar but it sure as hell is going to be less fat and sugar than ice cream. And being Greek yogurt, it is going to have very little lactose so its not going to bloat the body.

Obviously, reach for fruits. You can even make a fruit dip with Greek yogurt and it’s really good honestly and pretty satisfying (I’ll work on a recipe post for that).

And for things like cookies, reach for whole wheat animal crackers. I’m sure this isn’t the most healthy thing but its better than an Oreo in terms of nutritional value. I believe Trader Joe’s has really good whole wheat animal crackers/cookies.

To wrap this up, I want to say a few things. Firstly, I DO believe in treating yourself once in awhile. Don’t take that as an invitation to eat everything terrible for you all in one day and call it a cheat day. What I mean is, allow yourself something that is your favorite like once or twice a week. I personally love french fries so, allow yourself french fries with your meal if you go out and indulge on those. Or ice cream once a week (I’d stick to once a week for something like ice cream). I don’t think completely cutting every thing you enjoy out is going to help you because more often than not, you are going to cave and just go in for a binge session and then hate yourself afterwards. I’ll be completely honest with you, I used to do the '“cut everything out” thing because I was so desperate to want to look skinnier (I plan on doing a separate blog post on my self-esteem and how that affected me) but it isn’t as enjoyable because I wouldn’t let myself even taste anything. If someone said “try this, it’s so good” and it was like ice cream or something, I would refuse. I mean, yeah it was strong will power and you really do need to keep up your will power but don’t drive yourself crazy over it and deprive yourself.

Secondly, I like to think about being healthier as, what things can you add to your diet as opposed to “what do I have to take away/cut out?” It makes it less negative and more exciting. Obviously, you are going to have to cut things out but you have to use your better judgement on that and with the ‘adding things,’ you inevitably end up cutting those bad things out.

And then lastly, simply avoid those impulse buys. Don’t be tempted to stroll through the candy aisle or look at the candy and chips in the checkout line. Be happy with your healthy choices you just through into your cart and don’t ruin it by those last minute things that will throw all the good choices down the toilet. Unless that little KitKat bar happens to be your one-time splurging choice, then I can let it slide, haha.

I know dieting can be difficult at times but that’s why I want to lay it out in such a way to make you want to stick with it. Make these small grocery changes and you will start to see results.

[keijay-blog]

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Oat-Rageous Chocolate Chip Cookies

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Cranberry Oatmeal Cookies

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Cheery Cherry Cookies

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Soft Ginger Puffs

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Blueberry Oat Cookies

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Wyoming Whopper Cookies

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Toffee Chip Thins

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[mundaneapocalypse]

We had to clear a lot of land for the garden, orchard, and pasture, and we can use the wood to build the barn and other outbuildings. Mark hauls the logs away and splits them into lumber whenever he has time, because he is the best at it and he knows exactly what he needs.

It seems backwards to cut down trees to plant an orchard, but all the edible trees here are yellow poplar, silver maple, white and red oaks, and a handful of walnut, and of those, we generally only use maple syrup and walnuts, because acorns are pretty tasteless once processed properly. Yellow poplars attract honeybees, but it’s hard to tell where the honey came from.

Mostly, we would eat fruit.

But, because most take at least five years to produce, as far as I know, and we already have a household of eight, and I am nineteen, and will have children until I hit menopause, which could work out to about ten kids, assuming I don’t have twins or triplets, we will go through at least five literal tons of fruit a year.

We definitely want our orchard started this year because it takes years to get fruit and nuts from a tree. When we were researching, we kept hearing people say they wished they had started orchards first, so we aren’t making that mistake.

For what we want to do—produce 95% of our food on a daily basis—, with the size of family we expect to have, and the household size we have now, dwarf trees aren’t practical, and we have the space to go with the practical solution—standard-sized trees. Most of the trees we have already in containers are dwarf trees because Mark took grafts from trees my family has, and we will definitely plant them, and we already have very small amounts of fruit from them.

We want to grow standard trees, because for one thing, it is easier to plant one tree than two trees, and although standard trees take up more space, two standard trees will generally produce more fruit than two dwarf trees, and for one thing, see the family size and how much food we want to produce ourselves, and for another thing, we will sell what we don’t eat fresh or have to preserve for the winter. Standard trees tend to cost less than dwarf trees of the same variety, and so the upfront cost is less, and if a standard tree costs $25, and even with fertilizer from the farm store, since we use well water and rainwater, and even if we have to replace a tree that died, it will pay itself off slightly later than the dwarf trees, but with more fruit production for the cost to buy and maintain the tree. I think. I’m 85% sure that is how it will work, and I might be wrong. If we plant the same number of dwarf trees instead of the standard trees we plant, I would still have to either get fruit from the store or not feed the kids much fruit, or we would have to plant at least twice the number of dwarf trees, and it would be very expensive. Standard trees live longer, and if a dwarf tree dies after about 20 years, our youngest kid in 25 years will probably be about five years old, and by the time he was in high school, we would have another tree ready to bear fruit. They are tall and sturdy enough for kids to climb for fun, and Mark and I aren’t scared of heights for when we have to climb them. We don’t mind leaving the fruit at the top for birds and to drop down for animals, too. We don’t care if animals, including wild animals, eat the fruit that falls on the ground and we plan on leaving it there for them or picking it up for our animals and whoever we know who can’t get fruit for whatever reason. Standard trees require more pruning, and we can burn the pruned branches or feed them to the goats, but many of them are still too tall when even half-grown for a goat or deer to nibble resulting in significant damage or loss. We don’t have to stake them, which is nice. We like heritage and heirloom seeds, and I don’t know if more trees are available as standard than as dwarfs, but it is cool to grow a tree basically the same size as it has been for centuries.

Mark grew some berries fairly common in Latvia, but cultivars available in America here when he was a kid, and I babysat the plants when he was in Latvia. In the orphanage, he mostly encountered strawberries, because they ate a lot of packaged food. He found out about bilberries, salmonberries, and loganberries while he was in America, because he did not often buy food, but Mom was telling him about the garden and said something like, “But a lot of Americans don’t have bilberries, salmonberries, and loganberries,” and showed him a picture, and he didn’t know what they were. Fruits tend to be perennials, which worked well because he only had to plant them once, and we could plant them in summer, although the first time, some of them died. We would freeze the fruit if they came into season when he was not here, but he could eat them when he visited. My grandma taught him to take grafts from trees, so he has a wild pawpaw, a wild crabapple, a wild cherry tree, a wild chinquapin tree, which is a nut we haven’t actually harvested yet because the little critters get to it first, and a wild pecan growing in pots. Mark bought some random standard-size apples to grow in pots, and I stored the apples for him or made them into apple pie filling, cider, or applesauce. Apples are definitely his favorite fruit, and I think it is the most useful fruit we could grow, so we have a ton of apple trees, and some of them are ones he found in Latvia, but they are not necessarily Latvian. Some of them originate in Russia or some other Eastern European place. Importing those apples was a pain in the neck and half of them died, so we went through the rigmarole again, and half of those died, but this time, none of them have. If they die when we transplant them, he might cry.

Mark also took grafts from the wild red mulberry tree, wild black walnuts, dwarf Winesap, dwarf Golden Delicious, and dwarf Northern Spy apple trees somebody else planted about 75-50 years ago, and then the person died and the dwarf trees got kinda leggy. And Mark grafted the trees Mom and Dad planted: one semi-dwarf Elberta peach, one dwarf Bartlett Pear, one dwarf Beurre Bosc Pear, and one standard Hall’s Hardy Almond. When we moved here, he grafted some of our trees in the woods, either to plant in the orchard or in the woods, depending on the type.

When we were in the VW, we passed wild fruit and nut trees sometimes, and we tried to grow them from cuttings, but not many of them took. I have some nice wildflowers from it, too, but I am not planting purely decorative flowers for the foreseeable future.

I (and Mark, in the summer, because he helped) had a big garden when I was a kid, and planted some berries around it. I have several tropical mature or almost-mature trees and plants in pots, but most of them are things like nutmeg, coffee, and banana, because I’m weird.

I took cuttings and roots from berries Mark planted to sell the fruit to help us save up for the homestead, and planted them in containers so we could move them around, and because Mom and Dad were running out of space in the yard, even with vertical growing. Trees tend to grow too slowly to use for that, but we will plant the trees in the pit orchard. In containers, I have all kinds of wild things my grandma took cuttings or roots from and planted in her garden or gave to me or helped me forage, or that I found because she taught me how, wild blackberries from my grandparents’ property (yes, the bushes I was abducted near; I will not be intimidated by a berry), and wild herbs, and wild flower seeds from my grandma (or seeds/cuttings/roots from the plants I planted with those). She said I should plant the trees in containers so I could take them with me when I left home. My grandma would find wild edible plants, gather seeds or roots or whatever, and plant them in her garden or spread them out in the woods, and it was especially useful for black currants, because they cannot be imported to West Virginia. If they grow naturally, and are native plants to West Virginia, and we found them in West Virginia she and I figure they are probably fine to use, and so far, when we have asked officials, we have been told it is fine to use them, but not propagate them commercially. Her garden has wild food in it because she likes seeing all the edible things God stuck in the woods, and she spent years finding it all. Then I have strawberries and blueberries from my parents’ garden.

We don’t know where to plant the plants from family so they don’t get overshadowed or mess up the organization, which is one reason why they were not organized with the others and the other reason is they are heritage plants. We kind of want to keep them separate from the others or at least mark them as from the family somehow.

We keep moving them around the property to figure it out. We could plant dwarf trees and standard trees together, but a standard tree would overshadow a dwarf tree and it wouldn’t produce fruit or nuts, and that is completely counter-productive. We would be stupid to plant a tree somewhere we know wouldn’t let it do what it is supposed to do and what we want it to do. We might plant them on one side of the driveway with the berries, or around the log cabin, VW, and outhouses, or we might leave them in the pot for now.

Most trees like full sun, and require it to produce fruit and nuts, and they need plenty of room, and so we gave the trees the maximum distance apart the description said they needed. We would rather have too much room for them than not enough. And once we plant a tree, it is there forever, or we have to get a new tree, and it isn’t as easy as planting a tomato in the wrong place.

And we are planting sugar maples, but it will take a couple decades to tap them, even though we got the oldest sugar maples we could afford and find, and we plan on planting more over the years.

So we have thought through the orchard a lot, and we knew what kinds of fruit we wanted and had narrowed a list of 3+ cultivars per kind of fruit to choose from. By we, I mean both of us together with a million tabs open, seed catalogues, orchard websites, colored pencils, and graph paper, not me showing or telling Mark the list of things to grow or doing whatever the job is by myself, and asking him to speak now or forever a while hold his peace. By important, I mean something like what vegetables we are planting, or if he wants me to let out the currently out-of-season clothes he has outgrown or if he wants new/new to him ones. He has a limit to how much he can plan and conform to a plan, and I have a limit to how much I can conform to a plan. So I have a basic plan and plan for multiple things to go wrong or change the plan. We expect to change the plan while doing it, and we adapt to whatever happens, but with something like an orchard, we had better be pretty dang sure we like the plan and it works well for the trees.

We have some high number of fruit and nut plants to plant. I forget, and if I count, and Mark sees the count, he will be overwhelmed and cry. I never want to make my husband cry.

[lisacongo2-blog]

salted peanut tart

My devotion to peanut butter and any and all of the ways we smash it up against chocolate would be impossible to question. From peanut butter cookies dotted with more peanut butter and chocolate chips, peanut butter-filled chocolate cookies, peanut butter and chocolate tarts, cakes, icebox and cheesecakes to peanut butter-swirled brownies, peanut butter blondies with chocolate chunks, it shouldn’t surprise you in the least that I also have a favorite Reese’s peanut butter cup shape (egg, as if there were ever a debate). However, my peanut devotion is neither limited to peanut butter or the proximity of chocolate, and so when we ended up at Houseman restaurant a couple weeks ago for dinner, we tried the salted peanut tart with sour cream for dessert and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since.

It turns out it’s not just me. It’s “like pecan pie without all the goo” Pete Wells wrote in the New York Times. Tejal Rao described it as “a fine, low-to-the-ground number with a crisp pastry, plenty of actual peanuts, and very little of anything else” for Bloomberg. And Scott Lynch said “this gooey, crunchy, buttery beauty is like the peanut brittle of your dreams, and the whipped, fluffy dab of sour cream adds an unexpected and wholly welcome bit of tang to the party,” on Gothamist.

Because my priorities are straight, it was the first thing I made when I got home. This isn’t officially it — I didn’t call the restaurant and beg for the recipe or anything. I prefer to recreate things the way I remember them, even imperfectly. I recalled a good toasty caramel (I use brown butter, dark brown sugar, and golden syrup or honey here) like a pecan pie would have, but much less goopy (a higher concentration of nuts in the filling does the trick); a thin, crisp cookie-like crust with a whiff of vanilla (here we make it quickly and press it in); and no matter how strange the dollop of sour cream to finish might sound (not sweetened, although you could if you wish) it is chocolate to the peanut butter here, harmonious and complementary in a way that no other toppings could come close. I hope you love this too.

Previously

One year ago: Quick, Essential Stovetop Mac-and-Cheese Two years ago: Tomato-Glazed Meatloaves with Brown Butter Mashed Potatoes and Pomegranate Grapefruit Paloma Three years ago: Belgian Brownie Cakelets, Broccoli Melts, and White Russian Four years ago: Perfect Corn Muffins and Spaghetti Pangrattato with Crispy Fried Eggs Five years ago: Stuck-Pot Rice with Lentils and Yogurt and Dijon and Cognac Beef Stew and Morning Bread Pudding with Salted Caramel Six years ago: Blood Orange Margaritas Seven years ago: Double Coconut Muffins and Fried Egg Sandwich with Bacon and Blue Cheese Eight years ago: Green Bean Salad with Pickled Red Onions and Fried Almonds and Spaghetti with Lemon and Olive Oil Nine years ago: Walnut Jam Cake, Ginger Fried Rice and Chocolate Souffle Cupcakes with Mint Cream Ten years ago: Whole Lemon Tart, Alex’s Mom’s Stuffed Cabbage and Toasted Coconut Shortbread Eleven years ago: Pasta Puttanesca and Pear and Almond Tart Twelve years ago: Fusilli with Baked Tomato Sauce and Aloo Gobi.

And for the other side of the world: Six Months Ago: Layered Mocha Cheesecake 1.5 Years Ago: Cheesecake Bars with All The Berries and Corn Chowder with Chile, Lime, and Cotija 2.5 Years Ago: Peach Melba Popsicles, Chile-Lime Melon Salad and Chocolate Peanut Butter Icebox Cake 3.5 Years Ago: Frozen Hot Chocolate and Angel Hair Pasta with Raw Tomato Sauce 4.5 Years Ago: Blueberry Crumb Cake, Cold Noodles with Miso, Lime, and Ginger, Apricot Pistachio Squares and Raspberry Swirl Cheesecake

Salted Peanut Tart

Servings: 8 to 10

Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

Source: Smitten Kitchen, but inspired by Houseman Restaurant

Print

You could also make this tart as bars! Line an 8×8-inch square baking pan with two pieces of parchment paper, each extending up two sides. Press the crust dough evenly across the bottom and 1/4-inch up the sides of this pan. Parbake at 350 (no weights or freezing required) for 15 minutes, until very pale golden. Continue with topping as written; topping baking time is the same as tart. Once cool, cut into 16 square bars.

Crust

1 cup plus 2 tablespoons (150 grams) all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon fine sea or table salt

1/3 cup (40 grams) powdered sugar

1/2 cup (4 ounces or 115 grams) unsalted butter, cold is fine, cut into a few chunks

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Filling

4 tablespoons (2 ounces or 55 grams) unsalted butter

2/3 cup (125 grams) packed light or dark brown sugar

1/3 cup (110 grams) honey or golden syrup

1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar (optional)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 large eggs

2 cups (about 10 ounces or 285 grams) salted peanuts

Flaky sea salt and plain sour cream to finish (optional)

Heat oven to 350°F (175°C).

Make the crust: Combine the flour, salt, and sugar in the bowl of a food processor. Add butter and vanilla to the bowl, then run the machine until the mixture forms large clumps — just keep running it; it might take another 30 seconds for it to come together, but it will. Set a marble or two of dough aside, and transfer the rest of it to a 9-inch round tart pan with a removable bottom set on a large baking sheet (for drips and stability of use) and press the dough evenly across the bottom and up the sides. Transfer to freezer for 15 minutes, until solid.

Parbake crust: Once firm, prick all over with a fork. Coat a piece of foil with nonstick spray, and press it oiled-side-down tightly against the frozen crust, so it is fully molded to the shape. Bake tart with foil (no pie weights needed) for 15 minutes, then carefully, gently, a little at a time, peel back foil and discard. If cracks have formed, use the marbles of dough you set aside to patch it. Return to oven for 5 minutes, until just barely golden at edges and dry to the touch. Set aside.

Meanwhile, make filling: In a medium saucepan, melt butter over medium heat and continue cooking it, stirring frequently, until it smells nutty and brown bits form at the bottom of the pot. Whisk in brown sugar and golden syrup or honey and cook at a simmer, whisking constantly, for one minute. Pour into a large bowl, scraping out all of the browned bits from the pot that you can, and place in the fridge or, as I did, on your very cold patio, for 10 minutes, until it has cooled somewhat. Whisk in apple cider vinegar (with cuts the sweetness and adds complexity, not a vinegary flavor, promise), vanilla, and eggs, one at a time, then stir in peanuts.

Bake tart: Pour filling into prepared tart shell, top with a little flaky salt, if you wish, and bake for 23 to 28 minutes, until just faintly jiggly in the center and golden brown all over. Cool on a rack to room temperature, or, like me, you can rush this along in the fridge, but don’t let it fully chill.

Serve: Decorate (if you wish) with powdered sugar. Serve in wedges at room temperature (not cold, which can be too firm) with a dollop of sour cream.

Source: https://smittenkitchen.com/2019/02/salted-peanut-tart/