#when i tell you we would have heteropaternal superfecundation twins

[waystarkia]

OH YM GODNSIFHSIHGSIHGISH RAM INTO ME PLEEEEASSEEEE WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK I NEED THEM HOLY SHIT

[neverwantedtowritefornobody]

Multi-Love Miracle (1)

One in a million, Hank said it was. Extremely rare. But what does that mean for a trio of mutants who already break the status quo ?

Remy had already known the risks when he let Ororo and Rogue take turns on him like he was their toy. Hell, he was even sure both of them were inside of him at some point. That night was a blur of passion and heat, where he had blacked out during some of it. He did briefly remember telling both of them to finish inside of him, that he wanted to be filled up by both of his girls. And they obliged. Obviously.

When they found out that Remy was expecting, they had automatically made an agreement that it didn’t matter who the baby’s sire was, they’d have two mama’s and a daddy either way so they had declined the DNA test that Hank had offered.

That was, until they found out that they were having two. Sure, it still didn’t matter who the sire was but it did make Remy a little curious as to which of his lovely ladies had managed to knock him up with two little ones instead of one. So in secret, just a few weeks before he was due, he had asked Hank to go ahead with the DNA test. He had already had previous blood and other DNA samples saved from both Rogue and Ororo from medical tests in the past, so it would be easier to keep discrete and their little secret.

Or so he thought. Nothing was ever easy when it came to them.

At first he had thought there was something wrong when Hank had called him down to his lab. Maybe one twin had ate the other, or something else had happened but no, Hank had actually had an excited look when Remy had finally managed to get down there.

That’s when he had sat him down and told him that the results were indeed abnormal, but it a good way. One twin was biologically Ororo’s child, and the other one was Rogue’s due to a rare medical phenomenon called heteropaternal superfecundation. Remy’s body had released two eggs at the same time and due to the nature of their steamy night, one was fertilized by Ororo and one was fertilized by Rogue. Two babies, by both of his girls.

The news almost knocked Gambit off of his feet. One, because he couldn’t believe that he had given both of his girls each one baby and two, because he’d have to reveal to both that he got a DNA test done behind their backs.

At the moment, Remy was resting in the lounge with his feet up, staring at the ultrasound printout Hank had given him. Baby A, the girl, was Ororo’s and Baby B, the boy, was Rogue’s. A full set, a son and a daughter.

He couldn’t wait until to see what they’d look like, if both of them would take after each of their mama’s. He felt himself getting giddy at the thought of one having Ororo’s blue eye’s and the other having Rogue’s green eyes. Or would they both have his eyes ?

“There’s our little seahorse papa” a familiar voice snapped him out of his racing thoughts. He looked up from the ultrasound photo to see both Ororo and Rogue standing in the doorway, Rogue leaning on Ororo, a hand wrapped around her waist.

“We’ve been lookin’ everywhere for ya sugah, haven’t we ?” Rogue asked, turning to look at Storm.

“You disappeared after breakfast and it did worry us quite a bit.” Storm said, placing a hand on her upper hit. “Is everything alright ?”

“Ol Gambit was just in a world of his own, sorry for worrying ya gal.” Remy said with a bashful smile. “But since you’re both here, I do have some news.” He looked off to the side. “About the babies.”

Rogue and Storm both gave him a concerned frown, as Remy put both his hands up to try and ease the mood.

“Woah, easy there, ain’t bad news it’s just…” he rubbed the back of his neck “Don’t be too cross with Gambit, a’ight ?”

“It’s been gettin’ real hard to stay cross with ya when you’re carrying our babies sug.” Rogue chuckled, before leading Storm over to the couch, both of them on each side with Remy placed in the middle. “Now spill.”

“Well, ya know how we said we weren’t gonna do a DNA test ?” Remy asked, watching as they both nodded. “Well… I got one anyways and I know I shouldn’t have done it behind your backs but… Beast found something exciting” he grabbed both of their hands, placing them on his abdomen. “Gambit’s carrying both your babies at the same time.”

“Of course you are Remy, we knew that ever since we found out about your condition.” Storm said with a smile.

“Non Gal, this is different.” Remy said, shaking his head. “I mean one baby is yours, one baby is Rogue’s. Biologically.” He said, trying to remember the exact words Hank had relayed to him. “Said I released two eggs at the same time and they both got fertilized, one for the both of you.”

“Wait, Remy, are ya sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’ ?” Rogue asked, eyes widening. “Are ya saying-“

“One’s blood related to Storm, the other is blood related to you, but they’re still blood siblings in the end, amazing ain’t it ?” Remy asked, a grin spreading on his face. “I know it was wrong to go get a DNA test done without tellin’ the both of ya but Hank says it’s a one in a million medical phenomenon”

“While I am a little upset that we didn’t find out this news together, I can’t be mad at you.” Storm said, an astonished look on her face. “This is amazing news.”

“You mean to tell me that both of us knocked ya up ?” Rogue asked, standing up from the couch. “Remy I can’t believe it…”

“If you wanted a DNA test, why didn’t you tell us ? We could have talked about it.” Ororo said, putting a hand on his back.

“I was hopin’ to keep it a secret, just wanted to know who knocked me up with twins” Remy said, shrugging his shoulders. “And I knew we all agreed on not having a DNA test done but I just… got curious.”

“Oh Remy, if ya wanted one done, we woulda supported ya, no questions asked.” Rogue said with a chuckle “Silly ol swamp rat.”

“So, I assume you know who’s is biologically who’s ?” Ororo asked, gesturing towards the ultrasound photo on the coffee table before picking it up.

“The little girl is yours, Stormy.” Gambit said with a grin “And the boy is Rogue’s, of course.” he then chuckled “And they’re both gonna be all of ours.”

“And that’s all that matters.” Ororo said, as both she and Rogue pulled Remy into a tender embrace.

[cryptophasia-nabros]

A little on the significance of the constellations Canada is viewing. I'm probably reading too much into it but let's go.

Polaris: the North star

The bird - POSSIBLY Cygnus: the swan, but also known as to the Northern cross.

Pretty obvious - Canada is known as the Great White North and the True North

HOWEVER, Cygnus is a summer/fall constellation, while all the others are winter. It could possibly be Columba, the dove, which can be (faintly) seen in the winter. No real mythology as it's a pretty recently named constellation (like 1500s recent) but we do have "Columbia" and/or "British Columbia".

The Twins/Gemini/Castor and Pollux: Okay, so here's where things get REALLY interesting.

So, in brief, the twins implication is obvious. But let's go deeper.

Versions of the conception of Castor and Pollux vary. In some, they are identical twins. But in Others, they are still twins but have different fathers (yes, this is entirely possible).

The awesome thing about this is it would allow for the implication of France as Canada's father (or "father" if you prefer) and England as America's.

Less awesome for me is that heteropaternal superfecundation only results in half-siblings, while I prefer Matt and Alfred as identical twins in my own head canon. Others said that "both Castor and Pollux, being identical twins, were inseparable in their looks and actions".

So, as you will.

They are sometimes said to have been born from an egg (along with their twin sisters Helen of Troy and Clytemnestra). They also are sometimes associated with snakes. Castor is a white star, while Pollux, is brighter and "golden orange".

In some Native American stories, Canada and America are described as a silver and a gold snake, respectively.

Depending on the story, Pollux is immortal and Castor mortal. Regardless, when Castor dies, Pollux is inconsolable and refuses to be separated from him, resulting in their being placed in the sky as a constellation.

They were also associated with horsemanship - cowboys, mustangs, Mounties, etc.

They were described as "blond haired, large eyed, fair complexioned, and well-built with trim bodies". Sound like any Hetalia characters we may know?

(Though I prefer our boys with darker skin reflecting Indigenous heritage.)

As stars, Castor is part of a system of six stars circling a common center. Commonwealth?

Pollux meanwhile, is a solitary star, like our own sun.

Hetalia wavers back and forth as Canada and America's exact relationship. The only thing straightforward has been that they have the same face and don't know who's older.

There is this strip, take that as you will.

Finally, the Bear. I'm not sure if this is Ursa Major or Ursa Minor. Regardless, there are myths from all over the world (including indigenous people from North America) describing the constellation as a bear(s).

Obviously, Kumajiro.

Now, the constellation appears to be a bear with a tail. The Oneida tell a story of How the Bear Lost His Tail, in which the bear is tricked into dipping its tail into freezing water until it breaks off. It appears that Canada is telling that legend, which explains why it looks like Kuma is tearing up.

[bangtanmix73]

From 3 to 5

Paul Lahote x pregnant reader x Embry Call

Warnings: afab!reader, pregnancy, overthinking, anxiety, Paul would you ‘pup’ I don’t take criticism, fear of rejection, is it obvious I have baby fever?, let me know if I missed anything

--

“What am I doing to do, Em, Kim?” You address both of the women sitting on the couch as you paced back and forth.

You had just gotten back from your doctors appointment. You haven’t been feeling well lately and your boys were worried you were sick. You weren’t sick, you were 9 weeks pregnant. With twins.

“Y/n, dear, please sit down.” Emily patted the cushion next to her.

“I can’t sit down, Em, I’m stressed.” You complained.

“I don’t understand why you’re so stressed out, hun.” Kim spoke up for the first time since you told them you were pregnant. “They’re going to be excited.”

You stopped pacing. You stood in front of the girls, face filled with guilt. “The twins could only belong to one of them right? I feel bad that Paul would be the biological father to both and Embry wouldn’t, visa versa.” You whispered, loud enough for them to hear.

“Well that’s the more common case, yeah, but I’m sure Embry or Paul would still love the babies the same.” Emily commented.

“Hang on, the ‘more common case’?” You questioned.

“Yes, I believe it’s called ‘heteropaternal superfecundation’. It’s where one twin belongs to one and the other twin belongs to another man.” She informed you.

“Huh, you really do learn something new everyday.” Kim muttered.

“I really hope that’s my case.” You paused, another question coming to mind. “How far along do you have to be to get a paternity test done?”

“7 or 9 weeks, I believe.” Kim chimed in.

“I’m 9 weeks.” You started. “Do you think they would get a paternity test?”

“I’m sure if you asked them to.” You knew Emily was right. They’d do anything if you asked them to.

“Okay, yeah, I just got to tell them first.” You mentally hyped yourself up to the idea.

“You got this, hun.” Kim encouraged.

“Just one question.” Emily grinned. “Are we the god mothers?”

—-

You were now sitting on the bed while some trash tv show played in the background, having come home a hour ago. You were waiting for your two (2) wolves.

Although, the longer you waited, the more the suspense built. You didn’t plan an extravagant way to tell them, you were too nervous. Besides, you thought being pregnant with twins should be a big enough surprise.

Too lost in your thoughts, you apparently didn’t hear the front door open or your boys calling your name or their footsteps up the stairs. You didn’t know they were home until Embry opened your shared bedroom door.

“Pup, you alright? You didn’t come to the downstairs when we called you.” Paul walked over to you and sat down on the bed, in front of you. Embry sat beside him.

Your heart rate picked up and fear set in and they felt it through the imprint bond.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” Embry moved closer to you.

“I, uh, I have something I need to tell you.” You begin. It took everything in you not to cry from the fear of rejection. “I’m pregnant. Not only that, but with twins.” You took a breath once it was finally out, but it didn’t relax you one bit as neither do them have said anything.

Paul and Embry sat shocked in front of you, not moving or saying anything. Honestly, if they were going to leave you, you wished they’d do it now and quickly.

You hesitantly asked, “B-boys? Are you okay?”

Paul snapped out of his trace first, smashing his lips into yours, taking you by surprise. Nonetheless, you kissed him back, both of your arms wrapping around each other.

Embry poked Paul’s side, forcing him to pull away from you. “My turn, Paul.” Embry demanded, making you giggle while Paul huffed.

Embry put his hands on both sides of your face and brought you in to kiss you. He removed one hand from your face, down to your legs, moving you closer to him and Paul.

He pulled back with the biggest grin on his face. “I love you so much. I’m so happy.” He poked Paul in the side again, making him groan. “We’re going to be dads.”

“So it doesn’t matter if the twins only belong to one of you?” You questioned. Paul moved behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter who they biologically belong to, they will always be our kids no matter what.” Paul reassured you.

“So, hypothetically, if I asked for get a paternity test, would?” You asked, quickly adding in, “not the it matters, I’m just curious.”

Paul and Embry shared a look.

“Only if you want to.” Embry said. “But for now, can we cuddle? We missed you.”

You smiled, “‘course.”

—-

About a week later, you went in for the paternity test. The boys were restless the whole time. It became worse when the doctor said the results won’t be in for at least 24 hours. When the results finally came in, they were practically bouncing. From nervousness or excitement, you weren’t sure.

Opening the letter, you read it carefully. You gasped which concerned your wolves.

“What? What’s wrong?” They spoke in unison, not bothering to hide the concern in their voices.

“One baby is Paul’s and one is Embry’s.” You announced.

“What?” Paul blurted.

“How’s that possible?” Embry muttered in wonder.

“I’m not sure, but Emily said it’s rare. I’m just surprised this is how it turned out.” You admitted.

Paul hugged you. “I said this before, but it doesn’t matter if one’s mine, others not or if they were mine or not, we’re still going to be their fathers, pup.” He assured you one again, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

Embry hugged you from behind. “You’re going to be a great mother, babe.”

“Guess the 3 musketeers turned into 5.” You joked, sending the three of you into a fit of giggles.

[alvacchi]

Phantom Thief Hanako-kun AU Story: Chapter 11- Blood

Guess what got continued 👀

I'm feeling pretty rusty after not writing for a month and a half aha. Thank you all for waiting 😂. It takes pretty long to write.

Warning ⚠️: Dark themes ahead (in the tags)

Anyways, here's another chapter uwu~ Enjoy!

---

-Previously in Chapter 10...

-Yashiro got sick yet continued to persist on investigating with a broken heart

-She was personally invited to the heist by Hanako

-Tagging along with police detective Shijima Mei, they encountered Hanako during the heist

-And a sudden gunshot occurred after a striking revelation

-In that moment

-Yashiro's mind went blank

-Blood was shed right afterwards

-Screams and bloody horror erupted

-And Yashiro suddenly found herself on the ground

-What just happened?

-Yashiro's sight was blurry, perhaps from the tears she shed out of shock

-There was an irritating ringing in her ears so she couldn't hear much

-But all she could think of right now was if Hanako was okay

-She tried to look for him in her vision

-Adrenaline rushing through her

-She couldn't find the energy to get up for some reason

-And then she was lifted up by someone

-Hanako, who showed a horrified face that keeps getting paler by the second

-was now crying while holding Yashiro in his arms

-Breaking his promise to not touch her

-He appears to be yelling at her too but Yashiro's hearing was impaired

-After a sense of relief came to Yashiro seeing Hanako was alive, a sharp pain also came along with it

-Yashiro gasped, clutching the spot where it hurts

-The stickiness of the area dawned upon her

-She somehow took the shot in that split second

-and the bullet landed in a vital area

-Shijima was frozen in her spot in the midst of the chaos

-In disbelief that she shot Yashiro like she did with Hanako

-she couldn't help but stare at the scene unfolding before her.

-Deep in Yashiro's thoughts

-and recalling the promise she made to stick by Hanako's side

-She felt sorry that she couldn't keep it as her eyelids grew heavy

-Hanako stopped yelling when he saw her eyes closed

-He paused and appeared to be thinking

-Then, he gently laid Yashiro down and pulled up his sleeves

-What was he up to??

-He grabbed the knife he'd been keeping on him

-Hanako: "This is gonna hurt"

-But no matter, Yashiro had fallen unconscious and her pulse was getting weaker

-Hanako gently lift Yashiro up again with one hand, the knife in his other

-Shijima snapped out of her trance when she saw what he was doing

-She ran to where the two were, grabbing Hanako

-Shijima: "What are you doing?! You're going to kill her!"

-Hanako: [cold] "Get out of my way. I know how to save her."

-Shijima: "You're going to cause more blood loss! Why can't we just go to the hospital!"

-At the word "hospital", Hanako flinched

-Hanako: "Damn it woman! We don't have much time! She's already dying!"

-And Shijima just shut up right there

-Hanako proceeded to carefully dig out the bullet

-Luckily it didn't go too deep and he managed to get it out

-If Yashiro was awake, she would have been screaming bloody murder

-Immediately right after, Hanako took the knife and made a small slash at his wrist, grunting a bit

-Sucking up the blood that appeared, Hanako then placed his mouth over Yashiro's

-If Shijima didn't know any better, it would have looked like he's taking advantage of Yashiro

-In the next few moments, Yashiro's bullet wound was slowly closing itself

-Color was returning back to her face

-And Shijima couldn't understand what was happening

-This was the most bizarre thing she has ever seen

-The sounds of sirens were coming closer

-They were still in the middle of the heist

-Hanako had to get out of there

-He bandaged up his wrist and pulled back down his sleeves

-Listening to Yashiro's breathing, he reassured to himself that she was okay now

-Hanako then turned over to face Shijima

-Hanako: "You take care of her. She should be fine now."

-Shijima: "Huh? Wait!"

-But Hanako disappeared behind his cape into the night and Shijima was left with an unconscious but alive Yashiro

-Sirens continued to echo throughout the night

---

-The next day

-Yashiro slowly opened her eyes to find herself in an unfamiliar room

-Shijima: "You're awake now?"

-Shijima was sitting next to the bed with a sketchbook and files in hand

-Yashiro's eyes took some adjusting before she realized

-Yashiro: "Shijima-san?...Where am I?"

-Shijima: "You're in my room. You fainted during the heist. Since I couldn't wake you up, I just took you to my apartment."

-Yashiro: "Oh."

-After a moment, Yashiro jolted up with a start

-Yashiro: "Wait I fainted?!"

-Shijima laid Yashiro back down

-Shijima: "You've just recovered so please rest for a bit."

-Yashiro: "Huh? But I'm actually feeling fine. My cold is gone and I don't feel any pain. Strange...this almost feels like a dream. I....I thought I died."

-Shijima's hands gripped the papers on her lap at Yashiro's remark

Shijima: "I honestly thought you were going to die as well. It was a miracle. Truly."

-Yashiro: "...Wait, what happened to Hanako-ku--san?"

-Slip of the tongue. Whoops

-Shijima noticed the slip

-She had a feeling something was going on between Hanako and Yashiro since the moment Hanako was yelling in desperation at Yashiro last night

-But mentioning it now may not be the right time

-Now, she wasn't even sure what to think of Hanako

-Whatever he did was not normal

-Shijima: "He got away....Yashiro-san, I'm truly sorry for what happened last night. I was careless and got you involved in my mess..."

-Yashiro: "It's...alright."

-Was it really? Someone could have died that night

-After a moment of silence, Yashiro spoke up about what was bothering her

-Yashiro: "Shijima-san. There's still one more question I have."

-Shijima: "Yes?"

-Yashiro: "How did I survive?"

-Shijima froze for a second. Vivid images flashed before her eyes

-Shijima: "I'm...not exactly sure. Hanako performed some miracle on you. I was only able to watch"

-Yashiro: "I see..."

-Shijima: "I know I've said we would talk about the missing Misaki case after the heist but I think after yesterday's incident, you should rest a little longer. It must have been frightening. I already let Tsuchigomori-san know that you're taking the day off so you don't have to go to the agency."

-Yashiro: "Ah. Thank you."

-Shijima: "I'll be off to do more investigating."

-Shijima showed off her sketchbook and smiled

-Shijima: "Besides being a police detective, I'm also a sketch artist! Someone reported that they need a drawing of a criminal on the loose. And who knows if it might be related to our case~"

-Yashiro: "Heh"

Shijima: "I'll see you later, Yashiro-san. Please have some pancakes for breakfast on the table!"

-Yashiro waved her goodbye

-She got up to go eat a moment later

-As she ate, she realized she could have asked Shijima about the past heist since she was a part of the team

-It might be an uncomfortable topic though

-Shijima didn't seem like she wanted to talk more about what happened

-At the same time, Yashiro was being patient for Hanako so she decided it was for the best

-Yashiro later on left to go to her own apartment

-When Yashiro arrived, she found a pink Mokke at her window

-The pink Mokke gave her a letter and she opened it to read:

-"There's something I should tell you. You deserve to know. Please wait for me tonight. - Hanako"

---

-Later that night

-Hanako showed up at Yashiro's apartment window

-Yashiro was waiting for him

-It was almost like they were back to their usual hangouts

-But they knew otherwise that it was different tonight

-Hanako: "Care for some donuts?"

-He held up a bag of donuts in his hands

-Yashiro couldn't help but smile

-It relaxed the mood around them as Hanako went to sit down at a small table in the room

-Yashiro sat next to him

-The room was silent for a while

-It seemed like Hanako was trying to gather his words

-Yashiro put her hand over Hanako's

-Hanako looked at her, an expression mixed with worry and fright

-Yashiro: "You don't have to avoid touching me. I never agreed to that promise anyways so relax"

-Hanako slightly relaxed as Yashiro told him to

-He spoke softly

-Hanako: "It's a long story"

-Yashiro softened her eyes

-Yashiro: "I'm listening"

-As she waited, Hanako started

-Hanako: "Hanako isn't my real name, obviously. If a thief uses his real name, he would have been caught sooner or later....everything began from this cursed bloodline"

-Hanako's hands clenched while Yashiro clenched his to comfort him

-Hanako: "I was born into a reputable household by the name of Yugi. My mother from that household had a duty to produce an heir to succeed the family. So, she was set up in an arranged marriage with two husbands. That was the tradition withheld for women in the family for generations. Great way to keep a family going, right? Laughable even."

-Yashiro: "..."

-Hanako: "I couldn't laugh though because we were born like that."

-Yashiro: "'We'"?

-Hanako: "You've met Tsukasa before at that place...He was also born with me as part of the Yugi household. We have the same mother."

-Yashiro: "So Tsukasa is your twin brother?"

-Hanako: "It was a rare case of heteropaternal superfecundation, with the odds of one out of four hundred. We are twins born from separate fathers"

-Yashiro: "Born from separate fathers?"

-Hanako: "Yeah. And right after we were born, one of the fathers was discovered to be a criminal. In other words, one of us is born as the son of a criminal."

[agreasyonion]

Overanalysing Roman and his playlist, because it’s 02:23,I am procrastinating and I cannot get off of Wikipedia.

So.

The first song on our prince’s playlist (Wonderboy by Tenacious D) ends with the lyrics:

‘There's the Hydra

Slice his throat

And grab his scrot'

You take the high road

I'll take the low

There, the crevasse, fill it

With your mighty juice ‘

The hydra in greek and roman mythology is a serpentine with a varying number of heads, however, I’m sticking with nine from the Alcaeus, that could regenerate a chopped off head.

The main information we get about it is from the myths of Heracles (who comes into much greater detail as we progress on) as the second labour. In the myth, it lived in a cave in spring of Amymone, and when Hercales tried to get it out, it started terrorising villages until Heracles discovered that he could light the stumps of it’s chopped off heads (it only was immortal if atleast one head,) on fire or dipping his sword into it’s blood and burning the heads with that. Hera was pissed that he killed it, and sent down a giant crab to distract him, but he just crushed it with his foot and went along his day. She was so upset that she made both constellations, the constellation of Hydra, and Cancer.

Which gets a pretty bit suspicious when you know that Remus is a Cancer.

I looked at Roman’s zodiac sign. He’s a Gemini, which symbolizes Castor and Pollux, twins with one being immortal (Pollux) and sharing his immortality with his brother.

Then, I started noticing more patterns. Obviously, Romulus and Remus were twins (we all knew that,) Castor and Pollux had twin sisters Helen of Troy and Clytemnestra, and were going to marry  Phoebe and Hilaeira, daughters of the white horse, but were already married to the twin brothers Lynceus and Idas of Messenia etc. etc.

However, I get a bit concerned when I saw the lines about the high road and low road. Especially when the low road basically means a life of deceit and misery, while the high road means being moral and caring for other people.

So, why don’t we look a little at the myth of Heracles? Or, as I like to call it: why Roman’s life is reflecting the one of Heracles.

In our beloved prince’s playlist, there have literally been Heracles mentioned in the lyrics. To be specific, in the songs Holding Out For A Hero by Bonnie Tyler (’where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?’) and Go The Distance (that song is literally from the Disney Hercules movie ffs.)

Of course, since Roman is all about Disney, majority would turn to the 80′s movie, which is a huge departure from the original, a bit like the facade Roman is hiding under. Of course, this is just me searching stuff up lazily, so if I make any mistakes, do tell me!

To start off, his name wasn’t Heracles until later (it was Alcides, but for simplicity’s sake, we’ll keep it as Heracles,) and in the Roman version it was changed to Hercules. Secondly, Hera fucking hated Heracles. She’s the reason his life was miserable.

He was the result of Zeus, once again, not being able to control his dick and having an affair with Alcmene by disgusing himself as her husband. When her real husband did come home from war, she had twins from something called heteropaternal superfecundation, where a woman can have twins from two different people. He had a mortal twin brother called Iphicles, and more twin references I can cry over! Hera made Zeus swear an oath that the child born that night to the House of Perseus would become High King, and then tried to slow the childbirth by making the goddess of childbirth Ilithyia to sit cross-legged with her clothing tied up that prevented the twins from leaving the womb. Then, she made  Eurystheus be born prematurely, making him High King and not the twins. However, Alcmene’s servant Galanthis fooled Ilithyia by saying that Alcmene had already given birth, casuing her to sit up and losing the knots.

Alceme was terrified of Hera and her infamous rage induced outbreaks, so she took them to Athena, Hera’s half sister, because of her title as a Protector of Heroes. Hera didn’t recognise Heracles, and offered to breastfeed him. He sucked so strongly she pushed him away and the milk formed the Milky Way and gave him abilities (yes, Greek mythology, but wait until you hear about Norse mythology.) Athena gave him and his brother back to his human parents, and already only eight months old and Hera tried to kill them with two venemous snakes. While his brother cried and wailed as any child would, this madlad decided to strangle the both of them and play with them to their nurse’s dismay. Obviously, his mother was like “what the fuck?” so she brought in a seer who said “yeah, this kid’s going to kill a fuckton of beasts. What a future.”

Heracles had issues revolving around his temper, which made him kill his music teacher with a lyre (as you do,) and was sent to tend cattle in the mountains by his step-father. There, he was met with Vice and Virtue, who offered him either a pleasant and easy life, or a tough one with great rewards. He’s a buff, tempered male Greek hero, so I think we all know which one he chooses. A few years later in Thebes, he meets King Creon’s daughter Megara, marries her and has kids. Hera’s still pissed that this kid’s alive, so she sends him into a fit of madness, which results in him killing his wife and his kids until Antikyreus finds him and is like “dude what the fuck,” and cures it with hellebore. He’s obviously horrified, so he runs off to the Oracle of Delphi who actually likes and is guided by Hera, which means he doesn’t like Heracles, which makes him send him off to King Eurystheus to serve him for ten years and peform any task he orders in order to be forgiven (he hated Eurystheus, and Eurystheus was terrified and hated Heracles back.)

Obviously, this is a very different departure from the original Disney movie where Hera is depicted as a good person and Hades is the typical bad guy along with two demons and the Moirai who want to overthrow the Gods above. Typical Disney movie stuff; everything is black and white and based of who the character is. Any God of the Underworld, witch, demon, unholy spirit or anything not pretty enough to be human etc. is automatically a bad guy, and the beautiful royalty, human or anyone else helping humans are good. Of course, in modern Disney, there are exceptions, but I’m basing it of anything before Heracles was produced. It’s not that Roman only sees the world in black and white, but rather all his efforts would be for nothing and character and identity changed because of the dramatic shift. It’s branded with sponsors, 1980s songs and objects as a fun musical about how you can be anything you want to be as long as you try hard enough. Even the message is pretty iffy when we put it in the context of Roman who has high standards meant to be met, and a viewpoint that the others had agreed with, only until now.

Now, let’s get onto the bit I think everyone knows: the twelve labours he was assigned. Eurystheus and Hera both wanted Heracles to die, or atleast fail, so they sent him on twelve tasks:

1) Slaying the Nemean lion (a lion that couldn’t be killed with human weapons because of it’s thick skin and had sharp ass claws, which was terrorizing the city of Nemea and defeated it with his bare hands. He collected it’s skin to wear as a clock to show how powerful he was.)

2) Slaying the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra (a water serpentine with poisionous blood and breath that could grow back two heads when one was chopped off. It was sent by Hera who wanted to destroy Heracles’ home city thinking it immortal. Heracles got help from his nephew Iolaus and killed it by slicing all it’s heads off and burning the neck. Heracles dipped his arrows in it’s poisionous blood which helped him later.)

3) Capturing the Golden Hind of Artemis (a doe with golden antlers and bronze hooves that was really fucking fast. By this point, Hera was pissed that he was still alive, so she gave him a different task in hopes he’d die of exhaustion or fail and kill it, and angering Artemis, who owned it. He chased it for a year, finally wearing it out and coming in front of Apollo and Artemis. He begged for forgiveness and explained the situation, and Artemis let him temporarily take it as long as he gave it back unharmed.)

4) Capturing the Erymanthian Boar (a huge ass boar that would come and destroy farmers’ crops if they angered the gods. It took a while, but he got it.)

5) Cleaning the Augean Stables within a day (over 3,000 cattle which was a gift to Helios from his dad that was covered in infectious feces. Heracles said “fuck that,” dug two ditches by the sides of the stables, chucked them in them and diverted a nearby river to clean it.)

6) Slaying the Stymphalian (some very angry birds with bronze beaks and sharp ass feathers that ate people, originally pets of Artemis before they fled to escape wolves. Athena gave him a rattle to scare them, and shot them with his arrows.)

7) Capturing the Creatan Bull (the father of the Minotaur with the rage of Posideon. He captured it and carried it all the way back on his shoulders.)

8) Stealing the Mares of Diomedes (horses that had been trained to eat human flesh. He fed King Diomedes to them and brought them back while they ate him.)

9) Getting the girdle of Hippolyta (the Queen of Amazons, given to her by her father. Hera had told them of his arrival beforehand, and made it a rough beginning with Amazons attacking them left right and centre. However, he managed to get it and give it to Eurystheus.)

10) Getting the cattle of Geryon (Geryon was a giant with three heads and six arms, accompanied by a two headed dog called Orthrus and a herdsman Erytion. He killed Orthrus and Erytion by literally bonking them in the head with a club and shot Geryon with a poisioned arrow.)

11) Getting the Golden Apples of the Hesperides (protected by Hera, who was really sick of him at this point, and sent Landon, a hundered headed dragon, as the guardian. He came across Prometheus, and shot the eagle eating his liver. As a reward, he got information that his brother Atlas would help him with the apples as long as he held up the sky in place. Atlas obviously said “fuck no I’m not coming back,” and said he would take them himself. Heracles knew this was bullshit, so asked if Atlas could hold up the sky while he put padding on his shoulders. Atlas agreed, and Heracles walked off.

12) Getting Cerebus (Eurystheus was tired of him so literally sent him to the Underworld to get the three headed dog that guarded the gates. Hades agreed to let him take him temporarily, as long as he didn’t use any weapons. When he brought it back, Eurysthseus was terrified and let him go on his way.

He was done, so he left and fell in love with Princess Iole and wanted to become partners. Her dad, King Euryteus of Oechalia said "You have to beat my sons at archery and I'll toss her," and Heracles did, expect the King didn't expect that and broke the promise along with two out of three brothers, abducted Iole (it is Ancient Greece, afterall,) and became buddies with the third brother, Ipihitus. Hera was still salty over him, so she drove him mad again and he threw Ipihitus over the city walls. So, he was sent to do another bunch of tasks and labours for three years for Queen Omphale of Lydia. He became her personal slave and wore traditionally feminine clothes and to traditionally feminine work while she got his Lion skin and club. After slavery, they married (for some reason,) and had a son.

Now, there is a bunch of shit that happens before his death, but I didn't feel any connection with our boy Roman with any of them, so I skipped to his death. You can research it if you want to.

After he defeated the Acheloos river God, he got another wife called Deianira and started to make way back to the city. A centaur (Nessus) saw them and offers to carry Deianira on his back while they cross a river. They both accept, but Nessus just wanted to get a girlfriend and tries to flee with her. Heracles is pissed and decides to shoot him with the poisoned arrows from earlier. Before Nessus dies, he gives Deianira his blood soaked tunic, saying that it'll make Heracles horny as balls for her. A few years later, gossip is going around that Deianira doesn't love Heracles, so she gives the tunic to a herald called Lichas to give to Heracles. He puts it on, but it's covered with poision from his arrows and starts tearing his skin and exposing his bones. In his last moments, he tossed Lichas into the sea because he thinks that Lichas did this on purpose, builds a funeral pyre from himself which Poeas lights. He fucking did all this while on fire. As his human body burns, only his immortal side is left and he joins his dad in Olympus.

Anyway, now that's out of the way, let's talk about Iphicles.

Iphicles still was strong as balls, but not as strong as his brother. However, he was one of the Calydonian Boar Hunters, sent by Artemis and got rewarded as a hero for it. His two sons were thrown into the fire by Heracles who was in a breakdown caused by Hera, but he forgave him for it. When Heracles didn't get the mares he was promised, Iphicles joined him on his mission to fuck up Troy. When they arrived, they were tricked into believing they were being delivered the mares, but were thrown into prison instead. The son of the King didn't agree with this, so he sent two swords to the group. When Iphicles and another group member called Telamon, they killed the guards and told Heracles, who rounded up all his men and killed the King.

When the Twelve Labours ended, Eurystheus accused him of trying to overthrow him, and sent Heracles, Iphicles and Alchmene out of Tiryns. Iphicles ended up in Arcadia and joined his brother in the expedition against the Hippocoon of Sparta. Iphicles died in battle, which really fucked up Heracles who voluntarily went into exile.

God, that was a lot of stuff I wrote and cut out.

Anyway, why do I think that this relates to Roman? Here:

Heracles is the main heroine and was way more famous than his brother. He is one of the main staples of Ancient Greek mythology most known.

Has the typical traits of a hero.

His myth has been shaped and altered to change overtime. Most know the 1980s Disney movie which changes nearly everything about the original myth.

In there, the Gods of the Underworld are depicted as bad in a black or white kind of way, where they were actually the most chill and nicest of the bunch. Meanwhile, the gods of Olympus were huge assholes to eachother. Zeus couldn't control his dick and had affairs with so many humans, which pissed of Hera who was known for her infamous temper, which ruined the lives of many. Heracles was change to the Roman Hercules, and Hercules was a typical self mad hero. The movie was filled with advertisement, bright colours and songs.

Heracles literally was dodging being murdered by his dad's wife his whole life. He developed a temper that killed so many people, ruined his own life and couldn't stop it. When he was in a comfortable normal life with his first wife and kids, he killed them because he existed as a reminder that his dad cheated on Hera. Sure, he got power, reputation and status, but he lost so much in the process. He was a slave for over a decade because of Hera, and couldn't do anything to get revenge or she'd be right. Being a hero was tough as balls, but he did it anyway because he wanted to be forgiven for what he thought he had done. He died alone next to his own funeral he made.

Meanwhile, Iphicles, though not as powerful or popular as his brother, lived a relatively normal life for a hero and died during a battle he fought with his brother by his side. He was never punished by Hera because he wasn't the son of Zeus.

The lines "You'll take the high road, I'll take the low" questions who it could be referring to. While Roman is the Prince of the Sides, he is gaslit, manipulated and miserable, just like Heracles. Meanwhile Remus is the most out there of them all, he's honest with himself and what the thinks. He's happy with who he is, but he isn't happy that he isn't as well known as his brother or listened to (we don't know if Iphicles felt this way towards his brother, but for angst's sake, I'll say yes.)

To sum it up, Roman and Remus need therapy.