#when i reread it i realized how cringe this is ngl

[hyxsn]

bringing this back for yingdu ig 🥰

additionally:

lu guang initially went back in time, not to save cheng xiaoshi, but to just see him again. because he knew he has the powers to. and he missed him dearly.

lu guang feels all relief when he sees cheng xiaoshi at the basketball court. the first time he met. but the moment he gets dragged to the basketball by cheng xiaoshi's soft and warm hands, giving him that sunny smile he'll never see again in the original timeine,

fuck. how can he not stay? how can he go back to where he was; alone, sad, depressed? how can he go back to where all his friends have the same sorrowful faces whenever they check up on lu guang? how can he go back when Cheng Xiaoshi is right there?

he decides to stay. he decides to stay and save him. it's selfish— he knows. but it doesn't matter. because who can just let someone happy and innocent like cheng xiaoshi die, knowing he can potentially save him?

fuck the person who

1) made the headcanon that lu guang and cheng xiaoshi were dating in the first timeline and

2) made the headcanon that lu guang is easily flustered by cheng xiaoshi's antics in the first timeline

because you ruined my life,

now i cant stop thinking about how innocent and tender their love was. i cant stop thinking about them meeting each other at the basketball court for the first time. i cant stop thinking about them anticipating the next time they meet at the court. their eyes meeting as they pass each other in the school hallways. their declarations of love and their first kiss.

i cant stop thinking about cheng xiaoshi giving lu guang gifts regularly, and lu guang giving gifts back. i cant stop thinking about the days they spent just coexisting in silence, their comfort space expanding to the two of them. i cant stop thinking about the endless conversations that fall out of cheng xiaoshi, and how lu guang would listen and remember every single word and detail from him. i cant stop thinking about every time they saw either one hurt, theyd drop everything to make sure the other is okay.

i cant stop thinking about cheng xiaoshi holding lu guang, and how lu guang would initially get flustered before slowly getting used to it. how lu guangs cold skin would be warmed by the skin of cheng xiaoshi's. how his body would feel unfamiliar without cheng xiaoshi touching him. how they look at each other as they share their first times together.

i cant stop thinking about cheng xiaoshi convincing lu guang to move in with him. i cant stop thinking about the dates, the shared meals, the boba teas, the sunsets and sunrises they watched together. i cant stop thinking about how happy they were, how clueless they were, how much lu guang had smiled the moment cheng xiaoshi entered his life.

i cant stop thinking about lu guangs reaction when it dawns on him that cheng xiaoshi, the first and final love of his life, was dying in his arms so suddenly, the promises cheng xiaoshi made to spend his future with him by his side shattering as he watches the life from cheng xiaoshi's eyes fade.

oh, to have love like that.

[chrimsonfoxdon]

Ooh question, you mentioned rewatching as an adult, and I'm curious, what kinds of things do you view differently now? I'm rereading the manga after a long time too, and the big thing I'm noticing is that I have more compassion now, especially towards characters who I didn't realize reminded me of myself and not in the best ways 😂 And especially during part 1 I found myself wondering why we don't see their parents more often (for those who still have them) and who took care of them growing up (for the others).

I have felt similar!! Ok I’m gonna maybe list stuff out on what I’ve noticed I view differently.

Very long post under the cut of me rambling (again)!

1. My Opinion on What I Consider Good Media Has Changed

Starting with this one as I feel it’s a big overarching thing that’ll dictate all my other opinions and thoughts. I’ve watched, read, and listened to A LOT of other series and media since I first started watching Naruto (also you know life experience and such), so I have a better idea of what is “good” media and what is “bad.” When I was younger, I considered Naruto to be the best of the best, but I don’t think that now (as far as anime that title now goes to FMA:B it’s very good please watch it if you haven’t oh my god). It has a lot of flaws, some endearing and others… not so much. Granted that’s any piece of media. Nothing is perfect (not even FMA:B). But despite that, I’ve also learned that it’s ok to still enjoy it!! Imo it’s not all bad, I mean, we’re still here discussing it yea?

I guess the TLDR of this part is: it’s cringe but that’s ok cuz life is short and we should enjoy the stuff we like.

2. Female Characters/Feminism

I feel like, while these are different topics, they’re very linked together in how I watch Naruto now so I’m putting them together. When I was younger, I didn’t like really any of the female cast (except Tenten). I found them “annoying,” to put it simply. Sakura always chasing after Sasuke?? Lame. Ino being obsessed with her looks?? Shallow. Hinata losing to Neji? Weak. I began to think that I didn’t like those characters because I didn’t like female characters mostly as a whole (which is kinda hilarious cuz I did start making Chihiro back then who does in fact identify as a woman LOL!!). But this negative attitude towards female characters not only leaked into how I consumed other media, but how I saw myself and other women irl. Like I distinctly remember believing that a woman could never beat a guy in anything. Which is uh… not true!! And kinda fucked up!!!

Now that I’m older I just realize that kishimoto doesn’t know how to write women all that well. Imo, it’s not the girls’ faults, it’s their creator. Which is disappointing but also freeing almost?? Plus, I can now appreciate what good they do have to offer!! (I talked a little about the konoha 12 girls and what I like about them in this ask in case you’d like details on individual characters)

I think also being exposed to other fans with differing opinions and views has helped me with this as well. When I first started watching I didn’t really go online (wasn’t a thing in Cuba plus I wasn’t really interested), so I didn’t really have other perspectives to bounce off of.

Also wanted to add that there are definitely parts of the show I laughed off before but you know, just are not acceptable nowadays. Mainly thinking of Shikamaru talking down on girls/women, Neji made a rude comment about girls too (that Tenten corrected him on tho thank you queen), and some bits that could be perceived as a little transphobic (I’m not trans tho so I don’t wanna speak for them on that bit). Its viewpoints that I feel are a product of the time, but does not make the overall series bad per se.

3. Seeing Other Children as a Child VS as an Adult

Ngl since I grew up with Naruto, I feel as if I will always see them as my peers in a sense. If anything, almost like the “older kids” in school. Like I don’t know if this is a common perception, but I remember when I was like in 2nd grade I saw 6th graders as like tiny adults, but then when I was in 6th grade I saw 2nd graders as like babies. Does that make sense?? Anyway, it’s interesting rewatching Naruto as an adult and seeing my “peers” when they were younger. I remember thinking that 12 & 13 year olds were badass and cool and practically ready for the real world (I was like 8 or 9 when I first started watching leave me alone), and being amazed at stuff like the chunin exams. Nowadays my brain just kinda goes “why are we letting these CHILDREN go to war???” It’s a similar story with like the sensei. Thinking they’re so experienced and old and… now I’m the same age as them and I’m still young!!

4. Might Gai is Cringe and I Love Him For That

The way I didn’t appreciate this man when I was a kid is a CRIME. Teaching his students (and friends) that it’s important to find joy in life is SO IMPORTANT and Gai just does an EXCELLENT job with that!! He strives to be a source of light for the people in his life, and to show others it’s important to smile and laugh from time to time. It warms my cold dead grownup heart what can I say. There’s a line in OG Naruto after Lee beats Sasuke in their fight before the chunin exams, where Naruto turns to Sasuke and Sakura as their cringing at Lee and Gai and says, “actually, it’s kinda sweet how they’re all hugging and stuff!” And that kinda summarizes my thoughts on them.

TLDR Might Gai is cringe but he is free and I love him so much for that.

5. Seeing Myself in Characters I Didn’t Before

Off the top of my head, the three characters I see myself in more so now than when I was younger is definitely Choji, Lee, and Tenten.

I was never popular growing up, especially when I moved back to the US after living in Cuba. Kids just didn’t wanna play with me or have me on their sports teams, so I was purposefully left out oftentimes, kinda like how choji was when he was younger. Rewatching that part made me cry honestly HAHA I saw myself so clearly. I’m also plus size so the beauty standards he has to deal with really speak to me. I remember Shikamaru telling him one time that girls don’t have to be skinny to be pretty and I would be lying if that didn’t give me a huge amount of confidence in myself.

Rock Lee’s story has always been top notch, but as someone who chose to specialize in a path that I didn’t really have natural talent for myself it REALLY speaks to me now. I’ll be 100% honest, I was never really one of those “been drawing since I could hold a pencil” kind of kids. I liked it, but I didn’t really consider myself any good until like 8th grade or so. Anyway, there’s this scene where Lee is crying at the training grounds cuz he’s scared that, no matter how hard he works, it’ll all be for nothing and that he’ll always be a loser, and uh… had to turn the show off cuz that struck WAAAAAAAY too close to home for me as an artist with a… let’s be real, a failing art business. Anyway, he inspires me though to keep going cuz this is what brings me joy. I may take longer than most, but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person for it.

Tenten I’ve honestly seen a lot of myself in even when I was younger! But there’s this filler episode that goes into detail on how she tried really hard to be just like Tsunade, since that was her dream since she was little. Turns out she doesn’t have the capacity to do that (not being able to do medical ninjutsu well, etc), but she finds her own strengths along the way. What really spoke to me was letting go of your childhood dreams. It’s hard. It feels like you’re failing in a way. But Tenten was able to persevere and find a new and even better path forward for herself. And that’s just amazing. I love seeing that, and it helps me feel as if I too and maybe find my path.

6. Final Thoughts and Random Little Things

I think it’s also safe to say that I can pick up on story flaws (I’m looking at you 4th great ninja war arc) and inconsistencies (how the heck does the hyuga clan work wtf). It’s a long series and nowadays you can binge the whole thing in one sitting (I don’t recommend that please take care of yourself). Back in my day I had to wait a whole week to watch the next 26 minute episode with commercials in between. Also I was a kid. AHAHA!! But again, long series, so I’m sure Kishi forgot about certain details while he was being pushed to continue the series.

Also my views on certain things that happened in the series changed based on what I know what happens later, which I find to be quite fun!

Overall I still enjoy the series, both for similar reasons as I did back in the day (Neji) and for new reasons!! Flaws and all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[alisonfelixwrites]

hi i just wanted to say that i just read lucky penny on wattpad and i'm... trying to figure out how to say this. i'm not well. i'm kind of. fuck. words. struggle. ugh. i'm in a really dark spot in my life. and i stumbled across lucky penny, not knowing what to expect, it's the first thing i've ever read by you. and i just needed to tell you how much it means to me. the amount of times i couldn't fight off the cheek splitting grins, blushes, and giggles that story caused me to have is insane. the most from anything i've ever read. and in a time in my life where i don't wear a drop of makeup anymore because i know that most of my days i'll end up crying it off, smiling and laughing is... not common. i was overwhelmed with so much giddiness when reading it. tiny squeals and hiding under my blanket when overcome with all the joy i felt. and it's such a foreign feeling right now. i know people say things like that a lot - 'giggling and kicking my feet', 'screaming', etc. etc. and its probably lost its impact to think you've made people feel that way... but for me, it's so unusual. it's like a drug to me right now, that kind of joy. and i've never felt it as strongly.

i also didn't expect to find that the relationship penny was in is just like a previous one of mine, and the way you wrote it... only someone who's been through it could write it like you did. and so for that, you have my heartfelt empathy. it's so hard to describe that relationship, and sometimes it still is... to somehow put it into words. it's always seemed intangible when explaining it. but you put words to it. the way you've shown it through different points of view is beautiful and a real talent.

the story is lovely. and there's so much fun with it. the friendship dynamic added such a lovely layer to the story, and was so refreshing to have that comradery so present in the storyline. it makes me yearn for something similar. the sexual exploration. the dialogue. the silly goofy. the playfulness. all of it was just really beautiful and i can't remember the last time i've felt my heart beat out of my chest like that. i can't wait to re-read it again.

i just wanted to say thank you. i saw your notes on it as i continued to read and realized that you' wrote 'd written it during a tough period in your life. so it was an escape for you. it was therapeutic. and that's exactly what it is to me.

hi :'(((((( this HAS TO BE one of the sweetest messages i ever received omfg i don't even know what to say. i'm so glad i could make you smile for a little bit and that lucky penny was sooo positive for you! i actually wrote it in a very similar point in my life, when I was very sick and bedbound. i wrote 70 chapters in like 6 weeks lol, I was just writing non stop and they meant so much to me and did so much for me. it's crazy to me how they can do so much for others too. ngl I was thinking of lucky penny lately and reread some of it and sooo many things made me cringe and i seriously considered reworking it/ rewriting it to fit my current writing style more - but the story is so charming even with the mistakes i made when writing it. i wrote it so quickly and it all came so naturally that i didn't think twice of the stuff i wrote, so it feel so pure to me :)) i'm so sorry you went through such a horrifying relationship and lost so much of yourself in it. i promise it gets sooooo much better!!!!!! thank you for this, i wanna give you the biggest hug, literally omg you made me tear up MWAHHHH <3333

[atlaese]

✨AO3 Tag Game✨

tagged by: @pastafossa​! I- what!! when i saw this notif i think my heart stopped. like. i did not realize you knew i existed i am such a big fan of your work!! i read the whole of TRT in like... a week when i should have been studying (i am hardcore fangirling rn!!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? right now i have 9 works on there! i only made an account last month and decided to publish some of my beloved fics on there too!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 35.777 sksks, it's not much but it's something! i'm still working on a few things (bucky stuff and matt stuff) so we might see an increase soon!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? okay so i'll do the ao3 version, but like on tumblr there's a different top 5?? so interesting!! these are all bucky fics, except for the last one - thats a spencer reid fic!

loving dawn as certainty of sunrise

kill with kindness

wasteland, baby!

black holes

liability

more under the cut bc i don't wanna clog the dash

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? yes!!! omg i love responding to comments! i honestly don't get many, but the ones i do get warm my heart so much!! its just so nice to see someone who read your stuff give a short comment why they liked it and idk its so nice to hear and everyone who has ever commented has my heart!!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i think homesick at space camp? that is just angst from beginning to end lmao! but i wrote a fluffy part two to it, so i don't know if it counts, but yeah, that one!

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

ooh, i actually haven't and i haven't even thought about that! maybe one day, but i feel like my writing skills aren't good enough yet to write more than one complex character in a fic with like... a good plot lmao.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not yet! my stuff also isn't good enough to receive hate so thats like a plus too lmao we love the duality

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i tried to write smut once. it was a part two to the pool tables have turned. i had horny thots that night. i published it. then i went to bed. i woke up 8 hours later and it had decent exposure? i reread it. i cringed. and then i deleted it. yes, that was the saga of me writing smut, deleting it and thinking i should never do it again, haha! so atm i don't write explicit smut, but i do like some allusions to it, hehe.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

maybe in my wattpad days? also yes, i recently came across a site that all of the published wattpad stories copied onto it, my old stories to (from like 2014!!) so yes, my unfinished, downright horrible 5sos fics are also on that site :)

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, i think in my wattpad days! i honestly cannot remember what it was about or what happened, but i did! recently i haven't! i might be open to it though!

12. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

me x fictional character because i am lonely lmao. no um. super niche but there was this book series called the chemical garden and i liked the main characters relationship with gabriel. i think it was rhine x gabriel. yeah, i liked those two together! i like most canon ships ngl so this one was the first that came to mind.

13. What are your thoughts about writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

depends on the execution honestly! i like little words here and there, sometimes a full sentence if i can deduce whatever is said through context, but when there's full on another language with translations at the end of a fic, i'm less inclined to read it! (most of the time i can understand what is said though! bless me and my obsession with languages!)

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

okay. this is hard. i am a little embarassed. so i wrote for 1D first BUT i was never a fan? i was a little capitalist back in my wattpad days and i saw those stories got way more likes and reads than original work? so i was like, lemme use these men to my advantage. i also was too lazy to make a complex character of my own. so yes, 1D, then 5SOS.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

hmmm, difficult! black holes is one i adore, just because i put so much of myself in it. but then i also love my short matt fics, and i also really like this one from fatws... so i think those! they're also so different so egjzrgr

no pressure tags💞: @therootsinmydreamlands @belowva @imaginearyparties

[nyxx-nth]

how are you always such a genius???? share it with the rest of us i beg...

that is seriously absolutely PERFECT for how it should play out oml... i am in shambles.... you are from now on my new idea person, you have no choice *points gun* *it is very clearly a toy gun but shhh*

also, more thoughts on aspects of the au:

first of all, im thinking that before the aimee stuff maybe the band *wasnt* really well known. like, they were more of an underground sensation with a small diehard fanbase. but aimee knowing them (and LOVING them) sent them into the spotlight a bit- not like *super* famous or anything, but SIGNIFICANTLY more fame than before. enough to give them some ground in the music world. they also gain a bit of a french following from it and after ghost and aimee kinda become friends, he'll slip in some french influence or lyrics into songs from then on <3 maybe even when he learns french (cuz fuck it hes one of the girls in my heart and i want him to have female besties OKAY and i think if aimee knew he was gay she would instead want him to be her gay bestie (she's a little ignorant but her heart is in the right place)) they even have some songs entirely in french (always love a chance to put my terrible french skills to use somehow). also aimee is unfortunately straight in this au 😔 (/hj).

ALSO im thinking maybe toast and mary had something going on before the whole discourse blow up. like they started officially dating but both agreed it would be better to keep it private, at least for a while. eventually though, mary catches on before toast does that his feelings for her arent the same as hers for him, and she sits him down to talk about it. they end up agreeing to stay close friends instead. maybe she's even the one who makes toast realize how he really feels for ghost?? idk if im certain on any of this part though tbh,,, do i even want them to date in this au??? should it be before the discourse??? after??? should it be public??? private?? does toast already know how he feels for ghost??? should toast and ghost be ex lovers to boot instead of just ex friends??? mannnn i dont even know 😔😔😔

also oooo ALBUM COVERSSS you are so right. fuck, i feel like i dont have a good grasp on that at all tbh.... any ideas from you? lol. i might have to do actual research into them or smth LMAOOO i feel so out of my depth with it aur naurrr

also, about jimmy.... honestly i should write something for him lol. my specialty is sorta kinda gore and murder stuffs in writing heh,,, i like to get a bit grotesque. yet, i havent really written much of anything with him,,, probably because ghost occupies my brainspace 99.9999% of the time. but it's definitely exciting to me to add that plot into the story. i think at first it would be a background-ish thing, but as the story progresses and the toast and ghost rivalry starts to resolve itself, the jimmy and gavin plotline stuff becomes more prevalent and the focus starts to shift to the murders and them as potential victims or smth. (if you cant tell by now, i plan this to be a long story lolol. idk if i'd want it to be one long story or split into different stories tho 🤔)

i say its my specialty of sorts, but i still feel like its cringe and bad ngl LMAO. i have a fic on ao3 for a different fandom i fell out of (fortunately, an impossible feat when it comes to vt because it is always somewhere in my brain at all times always) that was a stalker and a nightshift convenience store worker and i cannot physically reread it because i feel like its all so cringeeee. i also fell out of the fandom for it RIGHT as it was getting into the murdery parts too lmao.

also adding on: Ethan Fields - Cooler Than Me. It's so Ghost fr.

Ashamed to admit that just now when Cannibal by Kesha came on my brain immediately created a celebrity au where Jimmy is a controversial music artist and a string of high profile celebrity murders been happening lately….

Oh no wait, now I’m thinking of an entire au with other chars too—

Ghost is also a musical artist, being the lead singer in a band with Spooker, Colon, and Katrina (it used to be Ghost, Toast, and Katrina but a big fallout happened before any of them rose to fame that led to Toast leaving back to England and eventually becoming a model). I imagine Katrina as bassist, Spooker on drums, and Colon on guitar. Ghost used to be drummer, and Toast guitarist and lead vocalist, but Ghost took over vocals after his departure and Colon took over for Toast, with Spooker being a very last minute addition by chance when they heard how good he was and Katrina convinced Ghost having someone else on drums would leave him more time to focus on vocals and writing. Also, I feel like all of them would sing but Ghost is the one who sings most of the songs (also he can scream crazy good and I stand by that (also it’s hot af lmao)). Colon probably had mild experience in singing but has improved a lot since then, and Spooker had NO natural or learned singing skills going into the band and is still not quite up to par with his bandmates, but he’s improved /so/ much.

Toast would probably do modeling cuz, duh. But also he writes books and a lot of people won’t give them a chance because they think he’s just a pretty face but he’s actually a talented writer of supernatural mysteries. Also, more recently he got into acting and blew up on the big screen and prefers the acting gigs because he feels like he gets to showcase more of his skills and get more appreciation for them than he got in modeling.

Gavin probably is a stunt double for Toast. Besides that, I see him probably being Jimmy’s dealer (Jimmy does copious amounts of drugs he is never not on cocaine idk what to tell u /hj). He prefers to keep out of the actual spotlight of celebrity lifestyle, and instead reap his own benefits from it in the background.

Mary. Hmmm….. I feel like she needs something that’s not like, typical spotlight celebrity. I remember a certain someone (wink wink) talking about ballerina Mary… I think that’s actually perfect. She’s a skilled and renowned ballerina, but also, I think she figure skates. And does some modeling on the side—maybe how she met Toast? I’ll have to think more on it.