#when i learn ill post them here or on my other acc
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p1ssmagg0t · 1 year ago
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One of my favorite parts about scuba diving is fish swimming right up to you, I also like seeing underwater trees
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simplyjake · 9 months ago
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Enha hyungs w / idol!reader !!
summary: tbh its pretty self explanitory, fem!reader
a/n guys maybe at one point ill write for maknae line but also idk so dont hold me to it, not proof-read
Heeseung
Let’s say ur in aespa
So rmbr the drama challenge they did
Instead of winter it was you and karina right
OUUUU ik he was giggling when you asked him to do the challenge with you
At the end of the challenge he puts his arm around u 
He looks at u like you hung the stars one by one
Heeseung pls this is gonna be posted later
ITS WORSE AT AWARD SHOWS
When you are on screen performing 
He has the biggest heart eyes and a slight smile pls
Its like he dgaf if yall get caught
Definitely interacts with you in public when he can
He wants to see all those ship edits
Invites you to his concerts and you invite him to yours
Once bought like 500 albums so he can get all of ur pcs and inclusions
Ur honor he was being silly!
And in luv w you!!!
Jay
Okay stayc member i see u
He learns how to play ur songs on guitar
Such a cute supportive bf
You guys have sm matching things tgt
Phone cases, hats, jewelry and more
Surprisingly no one has caught on yet.
He lurks on stayc twt for updates when hes away on tour
Even tho he can just text u himself
You accidentally left your jay signed album in the open on live
EVERYONE WAS FREAKING OUT
“Omfg yall since when did y/n and jay know each other”
” Wait but the signed album? Do yall rmbr when we caught them w matching hats but no one batted an eye WHAT ABT THIS”
Call jake for the dating rumor damage control selfie
Anyways he has all ur albums and you have all his
He found out you voted for him during Iland days and sobbed
Staycs number 1 fan, will fight ANYONE for that title
JAKE
Worse than heeseung when it comes to hiding things
Oh lord here we go
“My girl- i mean my friend” its rover.
On live streams he uses this to promote your group without looking suspicious 
“Have you guys heard le sserafims comeback? It’s so good”
“Oh Y/n? Yeah her part was amazing as well”
When he sings your part of the song it has u blushing on the other end of the phone
Once you were on a live, you forgot to let jake know
You were showing some photos that youre gonna post on instagram and all of a sudden
Is this love by Bob Marley aka the ringtone you have for jake
And his contact name “yunie<3” pops up
Quickly you decline the call and look sheepishly to the camera
Hoons time to do the selca damage control.
He accidentally liked a y/njake post on twt on the main acc tho
Ruh roh 
Sunghoon
Definition of nonchalant 
Nonchalant king if u will
Well besides that one time when he was mcing
And your group purple kiss was with him and wony
He was definitely getting side eyed by the fandom after sending you quick glances and a smile!!
Other than that baby hes an illusion
He dont know you
Well at least to the cameras, he doesnt know you
Otherwise hes the sweetest bf to ever bf
Sends you flowers to your dressing room after performances
Always claps whenever you guys win an award
Once a camera was pointed on him at an award show during your song
But he pointed to ur group telling them to focus on yall instead
UGH i love supportive bf hoon!!
Ofc your one of enhas biggest supporters as well
No one knows this but you have a secret sunghoon fan acc
He thinks its cute, a way to publicly say u love him
Without it actually being public yk
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valleys-emotes · 1 year ago
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✰ ─ welcome 2 my emote blog!
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my name is valley or daffodil!
i go by they/them, bee/bim and bloom/blooms, i'm also autistic
my personal acc is @lavendergalactic and here is my rentry ! // other alters may post on here, but this blog is mostly mine!
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�� ─ asks/requests are closed!
(for now)
it is first come first serve, i have a list and i'll work on them in order of when they were requested. it may take a while for me to get to yours but i will eventually!
✰ ─ emote info:
i make emotes for discord! feel free to use them!
rules for emote usage:
don't claim my emotes as yours
credit would be nice but it's not mandatory!
no tracing or reposting w/o credit
i won't do:
nsfw emotes, this is a sfw blog
full furry/animal emotes (i'm just not good at drawing them)
plushie emotes (again, i'm not good at drawing them)
i will do:
agere emotes
non-verbal emotes
stim emotes (depending on the complexity)
system emotes
neurodiverce emotes
mental illness emotes
+ more!
✰ ─ disclaimer; it might take a while for me to get to you! pls don't bother me to get it done. also i'm new to tumblr! still learning :3c plz be patient
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projecto2-game · 5 months ago
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DevLog 2 - The Devining
well. it only took 3 months. but here is our new devlog! or however you call it... We did write a whole devlog for early march, but with school and work taking up most of our schedule, we did not post it, and most of our progress fell to the sands of time.
Snail (@snailmusic) -
Yeah I didn't do nearly as much as freep, so most of those changes will be down there. part of the reason though is that ive been doing a lot of work on my music (haha yes self promo) so if you want to check that out it'd be great! (most of yall are just from my acc so you probably alr know) (my current style of music is probably not representative of O2's audio style or vibe, still working towards that)
The main thing I did was improve trenchbroom (level editor)/qodot/godot interop, which can bring us closer to building some levels (and who knows, a little alpha test in the future ;)). It was actually realllyyyy annoying due to a lack of documentation for qodot 4 (and also ill admit it, a bit of my stupidity) so there was a bug that I couldn't fix for a long time but eventually it was fixed and now it works great!
I also started looking more into the art style of the game, and I'm even learning a bit of how to draw (thanks to my friends! I wouldn't be able to learn like at all without them lol).
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^ guy on a cube
oh yeah speaking of outside help im getting this is (very slightly) now bigger than us two! the others aren't doing too much we can note right now (one doesnt have a tumblr acc either) but when their contributions come more into play we'll include them here.
See ya next time!
Freep (@freepdryer) -
Back in march, i spent a lot of time working on the AI, getting it to move… and run away, sort of. But more of that will come later. 
Lots of these last week or so has been on the character controller, and reinventing the wheel to introduce a state machine and get a lot cleaner code so its easier to revisit if we ever had to.
Im proud of the work that we've done so far, as we come close to a prototype with *Gameplay* 
New Things
Changed the look of the enemy slightly to remove the “amongus factor”
Rewrote the entire script for nav pathing
New enemy prototype can now feel pain / has a health pool that can be depleted using bullets from the player
Added a new line of sight for the enemy to check whether or not the player is in the area to follow
Added the ability for the enemy to hide - WIP - enemy can hide but isnt very good at it. Kinda like a child who turns away while hiding in the corner. 
Enemy can also detect when youre in a certain range, I will be adding more flags later on for detection (when the player shoots, sneezes, or explodes on accident)
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New testing map!
New areas for target practice, line of sight testing, following and hiding
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New player character controller!
Rewrote the entire script for the inclusion of State machines
This was painful.
Added 6(?) new states for several movement states
Added animations for 
Walking
Running
Jumping
Crouching
Fixed the stair problem
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Whats next?
Continue work on enemy AI - finish hiding, add roaming, add attacking
Dunno? 
Fix the stair problem again, but more?
Weapons!
The end?
Thanks for coming to our devlog! We will be back hopefully very soon!
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hiya.
you can call me v, like the english letter. i'm 24 and a professional user of they/them. i'm black and an nb aroace lesbian. which is a mouthful, so i just like to say queer dyke or eldritch lesbian. they're synonymous for my identity.
this is a blog for talking about my physical shit, neurodivergence (autism + adhd), mental illness (C-PTSD, DID, OCD), and my experiences being black and queer. it was originally just gonna be for physical shit (and still mostly is tbh) but y'know.
i've got funny b
i might talk about S, L, A, and M a lot on here. S is my therapist, L is my previous case manager, A is my current case manager, and M is my APN :)
uhh idk what else to put here. my pfp was emu otori for a while but now it's rui kamishiro bc he vibes with me a lot tbh.
i also sometimes post general project sekai shenanigans here; it's less fandom stuff (i have Anxiety), and more gameplay. proseka is smth i can see visible progress in and therefore gives me comfort. i also just love vocaloid and have since high school. if you're curious, i'm at a point of practicing Expert difficulty, getting through 23s easily and learning 24s and easier 25s :)
likes come from elsewhere.
boundaries + fyi
if you don't wanna see my vents, you can filter "#v is venting". that's my neg tag.
i don't have a dni because the kind of people i'd have in my dni wouldn't respect my dni anyway. but i do not have the time, energy, or fucks to give to people who engage with me in bad faith in any sort of meaningful way. you'll probably just get ignored. i also block liberally.
sorry if i tricked you into thinking i'm a pjsk acc i just hurt a lot and enjoy the viddygame and think i'm funny. v unfortunate combination
respect my banners please lol. i really don't like when my posts get derailed and like it and blocking are the only ways to get around that and i'd rather TRY being polite first lol
any posts that have any emoji other than 💛 (which isn't a sign-off) are me keeping track of who was present with me/who i was when i made a post, just because it's helpful for me. no, i will not be giving specific information about those parts. it literally makes no difference to you.
more stuff will be added and removed as needed.
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multiplicity-positivity · 9 months ago
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hi there i really want an answer to this im struggling and chewing my brain off because of the amount of research im doing about did. im soo confused but ill tell you my story so you can give me an answer. after battling self hate and trauma miserably, i (? not sure if i should use i because they feel like a whole diff person with a diff personality to me.) started being gentle to me and calmed me down in the state of panic and agony. i subconsciously created them in my head and i wanted to talk to them more so i made an alt acc for us to talk more! my brain is unable to accept its a diff person and i dont even wanna try doing so. so thats one of the alters and recently ive created two more alters and both of them fell in love. (i jst switched rn) .. my gf is clingly, soft and does everything i wished someone would do for me. shes too nice.. and when i look at her through (front? back? cam idk what angle we call it but the one which makes us look at ourselves) she blushes so hard. her cheeks go pink. we have been happy with each other.. i made her an acc so we can talk more. idk if this counts as roleplaying or illness but i swear it feels nice and comforting. we talk to each other irl too, while cooking while reading and we shower together too! i can switch very quickly and ystdy it took me a minute so she panicked bc she thought she lost me.. and yeah. i hope to get an answer, thanks alot! tmi: ive like 4 or 5 alters!
-meow
Hey there, Meow - we don’t really see a question here? But if your question is whether or not you have DID… unfortunately we can’t help you there, as we’re not a professional and we’re incapable of making diagnoses! If you’re wondering whether or not you have a dissociative disorder, our best advice for you would be to seek therapy or try to talk to a mental health professional about what you’re experiencing. A therapist, and especially a specialist in trauma and dissociation, would be able to help you figure this out more than we ever could. So sorry about this!
If you’d like to learn more about DID and plurality in general, you’re welcome to check out our resource post for questioning systems. There’s lots of links in that post to articles with more information about DID, so you can learn more for yourself if you’re not able to access therapy at this time.
Keep in mind that it’s possible to be plural without having DID! And truly, a therapist would be the best person to come to with this if you feel like you might have DID. Good luck with figuring this out, though! We’re wishing y’all the very best!
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wizkiddx · 3 years ago
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work with me
this is for @worldoftom 'lolbrosgetsicktoo' challenge event thing - go check it out bcos lots of much better writers have got involved too✨! I'm v new to these things but I tried :) the prompt was: 'would you quit whining and just get in the bath' . (also look at me acc posting sort of regularly, who'd of thought?!?!)
warnings: sickness / fever (more dramatic than it needs to be) / LOTS of medical inaccuracies
summary: when tom doesn't take advice and ends up very ill, very far from home, there's one person whose stuck dealing with it
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“Please Tom… I need you to work with me!”
It wasn’t his fault he was being a complete nightmare, though your patience was wearing off somewhat.
For context, you were in Morocco, where he had been filming part of his next film, which only made trying to take care of him that bit harder.
Everyone got ill sometimes. It wasn’t his fault.
That was the mantra ringing through your head, even if you had a more challenging time believing it. Tom wasn’t stupid, as much as he liked to joke about it. HOWEVER, what he was less good at was heeding warnings. He was a white boy in Morrocco; the health and safety briefing had literally been aimed at him. Had he taken the advice not to eat any dodgy looking meats at the market?
Of course not; that’d be boring.
Everyone else was fine. You’d all sampled Morroccos culture without giving yourselves the worst case of food poisoning you’d ever witnessed. But not Tom - possibly one of the only ‘indispensable’ people on the set. If you, or one of the minor characters, or even the director, had got ill - the show could continue.
When you’d been rudely awoken by your phone going off, you’d known instantly. It was as if you’d told him not to take a bite out of the weird burger once you were away from the eager view of the street vendor. Sure enough, with bleary eyes, you hissed at the brightness of the phone screen before seeing ‘Tom H’ on the screen.
“Y/n?” His voice was croaky, but just from the single call of your name, it was clear he was feeling sorry for himself.
“Are you okay? It’s late T.”
“Um I… can you come over? You…you might need the key I’m - um- in the bathroom.”
As his stylist, it technically wasn’t part of your job description to also be mother when he was sick, but (unfortunately for you) after the 3 years working side by side with him - you were also friends.
Which you were almost regretting by the second time rinsing the toilet bowl clean after he’d evacuated what seemed to be the majority of his vital organs into it. Honestly, it was impressive how he managed to keep going.
That had been at around 4 in the morning- the doctor had been called at 8, coinciding beautifully with his 5th toilet extravaganza. Once the doctor had confirmed your original, if completely unqualified, diagnosis of food poisoning - you hadn’t been able to bite your tongue. Perhaps an ‘i told you so’ might’ve slipped past your lips, but Tom was a bit too out of it to argue back.
You’d been given firm advice from the doctor - he said little sips of water, rest and control his temperature. It all had seen pretty simple - though the action? Not so much.
It wasn’t his fault, yet Tom was not super compliant. You and Harry had both been taking turns in practically forcing him to take sips of water, having to turn off ‘modern family’ till he did. The blackmail had put you both in his bad book.
Honestly, thank the lord Harry was here too. You’d woken him up at seven, begging for help and since then, you’d tagged teamed. While one was looking after Tom, the other was phoning the director, the doctor, and the crew to inform them of the current situation.
Again, of all people. Why’d it have to be Tom?
Mainly because you knew how mortifying he found this. He didn’t like people fussing over him, never had. He liked to work hard, liked to make people happy - definitely didn’t like to feel a burden. Perhaps what made him feel ten times worse was that he knew he was inconveniencing the whole production team massively.
And yes, as you’d unhelpfully reminded him, it was ‘his fault’.
The lavish hotel room, big bathroom and pretty efficient AC still didn’t manage to mask the pungent in-the-back-of-your-throat smell from the bathroom. At the doctor’s advice, who had been a little concerned at Toms fever, Harry had cranked the AC on high. It had forced you to steal one of Tom’s big hoodies and a pair of joggers- you hadn’t left his room since he first called you, still wearing your tiny pyjama shorts and an old tee.
“Please turn the air con off.” His little voice whined from where he was lying, huddled up under the covers. Perched on the other side of the double bed, but over the covers with your laptop on his lap, you could actually feel him shivering with the chills. It felt like you were torturing the poor boy.
“T you know I can’t. It’ll make your fever worse.” The way he looked up at you, like a little Labrador that you were refusing to pet, actually pained your heart.
Okay, so yes it was his fault, but you weren’t mad, you just felt so awful for him.
“Please I’ll- I’ll pay you more.” His voice was hoarse; though he denied a sore throat, it sounded like the constant sickness was burning his windpipe.
“Tommm” you pouted, sticking your bottom lip out “I don’t want your money, want you to get better.”
Apparently giving up, brown eyes shot you the filthiest look in disappointment, rolling to face away from you. You thought he was giving you the silent treatment in a huff, but instead, he was praying on the weaker one.
“Harry, I’ll buy you that set of golf clubs-“
“NO!” You had to interrupt before Harry would say yes - because from the way his younger brother shot up from the arm chair, he was about to. Scowling eyes slowly focused back on you in annoyance, making you huff - shutting the laptop and kneeling on the bed to face him. After pressing the back of your palm to his forehead, which was scorching hot, you sighed. “I know you feel shitty and I’m so so sorry but I’m trying to make you better. So shut up, drink this and go to sleep!”
Like a child scorned, you received another death glare however, then he complied, taking a sip of the water you offered before lying back - huddling even tighter.
And it had been relatively peaceful for a few hours; Tom seemed to be getting some sleep - even if he was tossing and turning. Eventually, a prescription that the doctor had requested worked its way through the system, Harry getting a text to say he could go pick it up. The nearest pharmacy was probably a 30 minute drive from the hotel, so he left as soon as.
This left you alone with Tom, where the situation only descended into more chaos.
Almost as soon as Harry had left, Tom had stirred with a grunt. All it took was one look at his face for you to know. Both of you leapt up and flew into the toilet, Tom once again getting very familiar with the Moroccan toilet bowl.
This time though, when he had leant backwards, he’d sort of lost control and flopped most the way - you catching him before he could hit his head on the tiled floor.
“Woah, easy there!” It wasn’t like he’d passed out, but the look in his eye as he slumped into your lap… he wasn’t all there either. “Hey Tom… you with me? Tom?”
Lazily he blinked up at you, not really replying except for groans of half-formed words.
Deciding this had all got a bit direr, you almost sprinted back into the room, grabbing your phone and returning. He was still on the floor, his thumb and first finger pressing into each eye - groaning again.
“Hey Tom? I’m gonna call the doctor you need anything?” He whined in response, stopping only when you stroked his sweaty hair back, most of your attention on dialling the correct number.
The solution he’d given wasn’t pretty: Tom’s fever was too high hence why he was all woozy and groany. Until the doctor could get over with the stronger medications, you needed to lower his temperature in other ways or take him to hospital. He’d absolutely hate hospital, but the other choice? Boy, was he not going to like it either.
Ignoring Tom’s croaked question of what you were doing, you busied yourself switching on the bath taps. You let the water run until it was the right (very mild) temperate, then turned back to Tom, who’d managed to work himself up to sit against the sink unit.
“The doctor says you need it.” His brain was foggy, his mind was slow but your tone told him enough to know something was wrong with the bath. “Just take your clothes off and then I’ll help you-“
“Absolutely fucking not.” Good. He was still with it enough to argue.
“I am just as uncomfortable as you are Tom, but we both know you can’t stand up without fainting, so you are going to need my help.”
“Y/n!”
“Keep your boxers on and it’s just like a fitting! I’ve seen you have those before!”
It was clear as day just how emasculated he felt, especially because he knew you were right. Sitting up at this current moment was a push; there was no way he was getting in the bath without some help. Defeatedly he nodded, but gave you a piercing look to turn around before he started wiggling himself out of the flannel pyjama trousers and light cotton t-shirt. Most confusingly, he still felt freezing cold, yet he had long since learned not to argue with you - especially when your justification came from the advice of a doctor.
Your cue to turn around came in the form of an extra angry-sounding grunt- the look you got when you did wasn’t much better either. It was a weird contrast, though, having someone who physically appeared so indestructible (a superhero for crying out loud); to have been absolutely beaten to a pulp by a few mouth fulls of weird meat. You had seen his bare torso before, although it still wasn’t something easy to get used to - making you clench your teeth together just slightly. A very welcome view.
Perhaps you looked just a little too long at the man who was technically your boss, hunched angrily on the floor in nothing but his calvins - another grunt shaking you out of it. By now, the bath was almost full and you hurried to shut off the water, feeling your cheeks heat up as you cursed silently to yourself.
“Okay come on, gimme your arm.” Begrudgingly Tom followed your request, slinging his arm heavily over your shoulder as you crouched beside him. As strong as he looked, you knew right now he felt powerlessly weak - all that muscle was just going to be almost dead weight.
Now it was your turn to grunt and groan as you pulled Tom up to stand, him focusing on blinking away the headrush he got.
“Come on T work with me here.” Getting him to the side of the bath wasn’t too difficult, the issue came when he stepped with one foot into the bath and yelped, instantly withdrawing as if it was a literal ice bath.
The sudden movement had you both losing balance, ending with Tom sitting on the edge of the bath and you leaning over him, in between his legs, and slapping your hand on the wall opposite purely so you both didn’t end up in the bath.
“Tom!”
“It’s like ice water!”
“Its lukewarm like the doctor said!”
“It is not its from the fucking arctic!”
“Oh for god sake!” Exasperated, you paced up and down the bathroom shaking your head at his ridiculousness. This was ALL. HIS. FAULT.
You came back to him with an ultimatum.
“It’s this or the doctor said I had to drag your ass to hospital.”
“Nooooooo.” The 25 year old seemed to convert into a whiny three year old again.
“Those are the two options. So will you PLEASE quit complaining and get in the bath.”
Keeping up the toddler persona, Tom huffed but reluctantly nodded in agreement - you had come up trumps. It didn’t stop him yelping when you helped to lower him in. His breath was shaky, as a response to the ‘cold’, but he was firming it. At least when you felt his forehead after a couple of minutes, it certainly seemed as though the fever was starting to ease off .
“You can go if you want.” His voice was murmured and as you looked up at him, he did his very best to avoid your gaze.
“Not a chance, if you drown on my watch, Nikki will never forgive me.” At the very least he seemed to appreciate your joke, scoffing a little with a small nod. “If you don’t want me here I get it. As soon as Harry’s back, I’ll swap with him.”
“No! It’s not that its… I’m just an ass when I’m ill.”
“A self aware ass, though.” Again he chuckled a little, as you folded your arms on the edge of the porcelain tub, resting your head lying to one side. “You had me pretty scared there for a moment, you know?”
He nodded a little, creating a wave of ripples in the water which you watched to avoid his gaze - which you knew was tracing all your features inquisitively.
“Hey it’s in the job description, always a bit dramatic... I’m sorry though I should never of called you- don’t know why I didn’t just get Harry.” In response you tutted, taking a moment to lean up and push his sweaty curls back a bit.
Just because you could, it was allowed in this moment.
“’m glad you did.”
“Yeh me too” He sighed, eyes fluttering shut in the easy silence of the bathroom. You kept a vigilant eye on him for the next 20 minutes, checking the temperature of his forehead using the back of your hand, whilst he seemed to finally get a bit of proper restbite, appearing like the worst had passed. You had no idea what was taking Harry so long; in fact it was the doctor that arrived first- who you ran to let in (not wanting to leave Tom asleep in the bath one bit).
Whilst the doctor did all his checks, taking his temperature properly this time, satisfied that it was much more manageable. He still wanted to set him up with some oral rehydration rescue packs to get his hydration status a bit better and give some anti-sickness tablets and antipyretics.
Having actually been getting some rest before all the prodding and poking, Tom was back to being a grumbling dick - now not wanting to leave the bath (the irony was real - making you roll your eyes). Once again, he appeared embarrassed to have you see him like this, so you left the doctor to help him get out and changed- instead going down to reception to get a fresh set of sheets, as he’d done a pretty impressive job of sweating through the old ones.
Even if tired and grumpy, when Tom exited the bathroom, he looked much better - he was walking himself without the doctor’s help. Which honestly was such a relief because when he had passed out on you, you genuinely were terrified. Thankfully the doctor stayed for the next 20 or so minutes, which was just when Harry returned with a bag of medications - which were now wholly redundant, given the doctor had already supplied everything.
“What happened?” Harry asked you in a hushed voice, whilst Tom was distracted with getting his medications. Recounting the story of Tom pretty much passing out, Harry grimaced for you, then launching over to give you a tight hug.
“Are you okay?” That was a novel idea, you hadn’t really thought about yourself at all - but honestly, you were a bit shaken, having been running on adrenalin for most of the night.
“I-uhm… yeh I think so… just-just was a bit scared, I guess? Felt bad too because he didn’t want me there but-“
“I can promise you Y/n, he did want you there. Just probably embarrassed he wasn’t all manly and that…” With a nod, you smiled softly at the frizzy-haired boy.
Whilst working with Tom, it also meant getting pretty close to his younger brother. The two Hollands were almost attached at the hip, which you were very much okay with.
It was weird though... your relationships were completely different. Harry was just your brother, through and through. He wound you up like a sibling but also knew you as if he had your whole life. With Tom… it wasn’t that. Arguably, you were closer to Tom, but on a different level. It was more exciting, more nerve-wracking and heartwarming all at the same time. Honestly, you couldn’t get your head around it properly.
“Hey, you’re probably shattered. Why don’t you go back to your room and get some sleep? I got it in here.” You knew Hary was trying to offer something nice, and now all the excitement had worn off, you were unbelievably shattered. But you didn’t like the idea of not being there, as a just in case.
“Uhm, I think I might just stay, you know?” And he did, with a deliberate, knowing smile, he nodded.
He knew you were worried. He knew Tom had really really scared you. He also knew how much you cared about his brother.
Just like how Harry knew Tom wanted you there, even if he felt embarrassed. Well, anyone would- when you are passing out half-naked in front of the one person that really matters.
It was just at this point that the doctor was done, giving Harry instructions about the rest of the day, when you made a beeline for the bed. Tom was propped up against the headboard, still with a pale sullen look and tired eyes, but a bit less clammy and more human. He cracked a smile as you crawled up onto the other side of the bed, kneeling next to him.
“How’re you doin’?”
“All drugged up, just feel fucking exhausted.” Instinctively you reached up to feel his forehead, really appreciating the fact it felt almost normal.
“Join the club mate, I had a 5am wake up call too.” You almost whispered, intending to make Tom laugh, but instead only getting a pout.
“I am sorry, a-are you going to go back to your room?”
“Nah” Tom’s eyes didn’t light up, except the fact that they very much did. “Can’t trust you not to get into trouble while I’m gone Holland.”
“Thanks.” He laughed weakly before shimmying down on the bed, so he was much more comfortable. “And thankyou, I-I’m sorry I’m a dickhead and made your life-“
“Shut up Tom!” Laughing, you lightly slapped his arm, also leaning down on the bed, so you were lying facing him. “You’re all feverish; go to sleep before you say something stupid.”
There was a long pause, Tom just gazing deep into your eyes, because he was pretty sure what he was thinking was nothing to do with the dodgy unidentified meat he’d had the evening before.
“What... like asking you out?”
…..
“Maybe that wouldn’t be so stupid.”
~~~~im really not sure how I feel about this one, let me know what you thought ;) ~~~~
tagging: @lovehollandy12 @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter@hollandfanficlove
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i-simp-for-gintoki · 3 years ago
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Teaching Sanji how to make a meal he’s never heard of
Did this for randomly for fun, idk the idea hit me as i was drinking coffee at 5am. this is completely unrevised and unedited so its probably all over the place knowing my tired self. 
Also a few of my irl friends know this acc and im suddenly im kinda hella embarrassed to post anything lmao
hrng theres always so much dialogue but im to lazy to add a background and stuff for a proper one shot aaaaa
it was a lazy day on the sunny
the next island was still quite a ways away so everyone was doing there own thing to pass the time
but you were feeling kinda hungry, so of course you call sanji over
arriving at your side in record breaking speeds he smiled as he grabbed your hand and kissed it
“how may i help you my love?”
you returned his smile and laughed
“im feelin kinda hungry, do you think you can make me something to eat?”
he seemed to glow at your request and nodded his head
“Of course i can y/n-swan! Do you have something in mind or should i just make the usual”
you tilted your head in thought as you thought of the dish
“Actually i do have an idea”
You told him the dish and expected him to immediately run off like always but instead he blinked
“Erm...can you repeat that please?”
Telling it to him once more, the blond frowned and closed his eyes in thought
“I don’t believe i’ve ever heard of this dish, do you think you can describe it?”
“Sanji, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of this dish before?!” you say, eyes wide with shock
And now he feels even more guilty than before
He knows that there are food and meals out there he’s never heard of, but now when your requesting one of them and he cant do anything about it? He feels awful
“I apologize y/n-swan. I’ll make you some--” you interrupt him by poking his chest “Nope you’re not gonna cook anything now” 
This time he’s the one whos surprised
“Bu-” “Alright Sanji, today im going to teach you one of the best meals out there” 
Grabbing his hand, you lead him to the kitchen with a smile
“Y/n-swan...you can cook??” “Of course i can! I may not be a pro like you are, but i know a couple dishes pretty well. Only reason you don’t ever see me in the kitchen is simply because im lazy. Plus i prefer your cooking more, feels like im eating food that only royalty deserves”
His heart seemed to explode at that, he quickly pulled you back into a tight hug
“Y/n-swaaaaan~! What did i do to deserve an angel like you?” you laughed and hugged him back equally as tight
Once you finally made it to the kitchen, the chef grew excited
Excited to learn a new dish, excited that you are the one teaching it to him, excited to taste his lovely s/o’s cooking for the first time
You turned to him and crossed your arms
“Alright, how do you want to do this? Do you want to do it while i explain the steps, or do you want to just watch me make it?”
He thought for a few moments. While he was tempted to do it himself, he really wanted to try your cooking 
“I’ll watch you do the cooking, but i’ll help prep if thats alright with you. Just tell me what to grab and ill get it!”
You nodded your head and begun to list the ingredients
Throughout the whole process, Sanji was much quieter than you had initially thought he would be
Much less fawning over your actions, and more determination and focus as his blue eyes watched every little thing you did
Every now and then he would ask some questions or clarification but he didn’t say much else
Though actually, i think he would randomly give compliments to you while you cooked 
Soon enough the meal was complete, and suddenly you became slightly self conscious about your cooking
“Alright Sanji, the plating is a bit messy, and the flavors are probably not up to your standards but-” “Nonsense. I’m sure it tastes amazing, after all you were the one to make it”
You sigh and place the dish in front of him
He inspects the dish for a few seconds, turning it around and smelling it, sometimes gave it a light poke or two before finally taking a bite
He closes his eyes as he chewed but they suddenly shot open
“This is really good!”
“Really? You don’t have to be nice you know, its fine if you dont like it” you say but he shakes his head
“No no, this is seriously really delicious! Amazing job y/n-swan! The seasoning is amazing and the texture is very nice, the flavor isn’t too strong or light its just right. This is a great dish that I will definitely try to make in the future”
You can’t help but get a bit flustered at the compliments
“Thats..thats very sweet of you to say thank you” 
You lean over the table and kiss his cheek
From that alone he had to fight against getting a nose bleed honestly
“Now eat up, i believe you were the hungry one after all” he says and you nod
“Sure, lemme just grab another plate and fork and we can split it” you say but he quickly stands up “Here, let me grab it for you. Its the least i can do”
Standing up, he walks towards where the dishes and silverware is but pauses
“Instead of dirtying more things, how about you let me feed you?” he asks with a cheeky smile
You roll your eyes with a smile, deciding to indulge him of his request you nod
“You know what? Sure why not”
Later on he would practice the dish and have you taste it to see if it was correct/to your liking
Unsurprisingly, It only took him a few attempts to nail it 
Another one to add his own flair to it and make it even better
And man, the proud grin he had when he served you this dish
Like many of his other dishes, he practiced it to the point where he could probably make this perfectly blind folded
He gives you a sincere thank you for teaching him a new dish
Will make it for you whenever you ask
But please make him more food, he absolutely loved your cooking and hope it wasn’t a one time thing
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verymuchimmortalcat · 3 years ago
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I Don't Mind It As Much When I'm With You
Has it been literal weeks since I posted this to ao3? yes. Did I completely forget that I hadn't posted this on here until I tried to update my masterlist? also yes.
TW// for references to child abuse in the first paragraph
ao3
Cass hates being sick. She hates lying in bed and doing nothing, being too tired do anything other than nothing. She remembers the first time she’d fallen sick when she had still been with Cain. She had been forced to continue with her training until she had collapsed in exhaustion. She’d spent the next two days recovering before restarting her training. She’d hated those two days because she couldn’t do anything. She had loved those two days because she didn’t have to do anything.
She’d fallen sick several times after she left Cain, but every time she simply pushed through, taking rest for longer but never really stopping.
.oOo.
The first time she falls sick after becoming Batgirl is annoying because Bruce refuses to let her go out as Batgirl. She’s not even allowed in the cave and has been confined to the upper floors of the Manor.
She’s miserable but her family tries to make her better. It’s all very new to Cass, the concept of even having a family, but it’s nice to know there are people who’re willing to be with her no matter what.
Alfred brings her food up to her room thrice a day and comes by in the evening with tea for the both of them and medicines for her. He checks her temperature asks her how she’s been and remains until she has her medicine. She’s tried to throw them out the first day, that didn’t go over very well with Alfred. But he’d looked resigned and Cass now has no choice but to take her medicine.
Tim calls her every night from school with stories of his roommates and teachers. She usually falls asleep while speaking to Tim, but he doesn’t seem to mind. When she wakes up there’s usually a text from Tim, it had been ‘good night’ the first day and some variant of it every day since, Cass had been too tired to read it but it looked similar enough t the first message.
Dick drops by three days into her misery, finds out she hasn’t watched any Disney movies and insists on a marathon. Alfred stops them, insisting that will only tire her out instead and they’re allowed two movies and fruits as snacks. They watch Tangled and Frozen at opposite ends of the home theater, Cass giggling as Dick sings along to all of the songs. He leaves before Bruce can return, she’s told the next day by Alfred, the man looking sad, when he brings her tea and medicine.
When Steph learns that Cass has fallen ill, she spends all her free time at the Manor insisting that she won’t fall sick. Cass loves her company. Steph fills her in on her day as she does her homework before leaving in time for patrol.
She recovers soon after but some things don’t end there. Tim still calls her every night, Steph visits as often as she can and Dick has promised they’ll watch all the Disney movies. Alfred only tells them not to finish them all in one go, after sighing deeply.
.oOo.
Cass hasn’t fallen sick often in years, not since she became Batgirl. Figures, the next time she falls sick is after she’s no longer Batgirl.
She doesn’t think too much on why she’s fallen sick. She only calls Alfred to ask him what she should do to recover soon, her grandfather looks surprised to hear from her. Cass can’t say she blames him, she hasn’t spoken much to any of them still in Gotham. Tim hadn’t called, Steph was busy with Batgirl, and Babs occasionally checks in to be met with short replies.
She’s told to rest and try and eat as healthily possible. Cass hates the loneliness of her apartment. She hasn’t really spent much time in it before but now she has no choice. She stares at the bright lights of the city outside her window and tries not to think about how different it is from her home.
A few days later Black Bat returns to the streets.
.oOo.
Half the vigilantes of Gotham come down with the flu. Red Hood, Robin and Ladybug had been more accepting of their state and had agreed to go off patrol while they recovered. Damian had probably been talked into it by Dick, Cass doesn’t dwell on it. Tim and her had both argued against Bruce that they were both only mildly ill and patrol couldn’t do any harm. They were told to get some sleep and recover soon and turned away.
Tim returns to his apartment, Bruce making another exception to his meta rule to allow Kon, Cassie and Bart to make sure Tim doesn’t work even though he’s sick.
Cass isn’t completely sure if that’s even a valid rule anymore with Duke and Marinette. Her siblings certainly don’t treat it as such, their superpowered friends coming to visit often.
Cass to retreats to her own apartment with Marinette while they recover. They’re currently watching one of the several shitty, in Marinette’s words, Ladybug and Chat Noir movies. Cass, personally, thinks they’re hilarious. Her girlfriend pouts every time she says so.
They’re cuddled up on the couch with piles of blankets on them as they watch the movie. Cass giggling as Marinette complains about the inaccuracy. Marinette turns to glare at her and says, “I can’t wait until you have a wildly inaccurate Batgirl or Black Bat movie.”
Cass grins and Marinette groans. Marinette looks miserable and Cass feels miserable but she finds she doesn’t mind it as much when they’re curled up together on their couch
They fall asleep watching the movie, and are rudely woken up when Dick comes by with food from Alfred. He’s gone soon after and the two of them heat the food before sitting back on the couch with bowls of soup. Marinette wraps herself in a blanket and then tucks herself into Cass’s side before slowly sipping at her soup. The dirty utensils are left in the sink, both of them too tired to deal with it.
They go to bed after that, Cass stays up longer than Marinette, restless with her lack of activity. Marinette looks less tired asleep; her face is still flush with sickness and she shivers in the cold. Cass pulls her closer. She falls asleep too, the restlessness slowly fading away.
Cass still hates falling sick, hates the exhaustion but she doesn’t mind the time spent to recover so much now.
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mononyann · 5 years ago
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a while back people requested that i share some of my headcanons for certain bnha characters, so here's some of the characters that i did
Shota Aizawa
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- he absolutely has at LEAST 3 cats, he spoils the heck out of them too. that's why he's always eating those gel packs... he spends too much on his cats.
- he really does love his class. and we all know honey??? u haven't expelled any of them. ur soft for them ok.
- he likes to sleep with his cats bc he gets lonely at night... he will not admit it, but he likes having someone/something there :)
- he has reuccuring nightmares about the usj attack and how he could have failed to save his students
- has a very low alcohol tolerance and often ends up getting dragged back to his apartment by mic or midnight when they go out whilst he rambles and whines the entire time
- he hates crying and tries his best to keep his emotions held in, he's only cried in front of a select few people
- he tries not to let others opinions on him rule his life and tends to block it out if someone hates him
- he doesn't know it, but he is the entirety of class 1-a's dad.
- he really likes tea, and dislikes sweets
- as you would expect, he takes his coffee black
Hanta Sero
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- he really likes kpop! he stans multiple groups and really wants to attend a concert
- though he seems really chill on the outside, he's actually quite sensitive and has some self confidence issues
- he loves being around people and finds that he gets his energy from being around those he loves
- definitely into e-boy fashion, and he is open about it
- pierced his own ears at 3 am and called kaminari crying about how he screwed it up
- he actually likes to draw a lot in his free time, it's very relaxing. he puts on some nice low-fi music and draws for hours
- he hasn't had many crushes in his life and doesn't find romance to be a big issue currently, but he's open to anything
- accidentally taped his hamster to the ceiling in 2nd grade, he didn't mean to and cried for hours (the hamster was ok)
Nemuri Kayama
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- she is a BRO, she likes to crack a cold one open with the boys on the weekends
- she is bisexual and thinks everyone is beautiful in their own unique ways
- most likely talks shit about her coworkers to her classes
- she thinks children are adorable and loves them, often scaring them with her enthusiasm
- very touchy, she loves hugs and will probably not pass up a chance to use you as an armrest if she has the chance
- she secretly worries about aizawa a lot and is scared that he lets the past effect him too much
- did you guys know she has a cat?!
- i like to think she and mic are like... EPIC bros, she loves to paint his nails and do his hair while gossiping with him (aizawa would NEVER let her do this to him lmao)
- she isn't a mom, but finds the idea of having her own children very nice, for now having a cat will suffice
- she enjoys trying to make all might flustered, she thinks his reactions to things are always very cute and funny (it's all in good fun!)
- she's the mom friend! though she may seem very sexual, which she undoubtedly is, she is also very caring and has a very nuturing motherly personality, she's a lot more than just fanservice !!!!!
Todoroki Shoto
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- completely oblivious when it comes to love... he doesn't even understand his own crushes
- "of course you can borrow my credit card uraraka" *pulls out endeavors card which he sneakily took*
- would be the person to tell a child that their pet guinea pig didn't go to heaven and be confused when they start sobbing... like "what... don't be honest?"
- allows his friends to huddle up to his warm side when they are cold
- is confused when people show him copious amounts of love and affection
- he would beat up anyone if they tried to do ANYTHING bad to midoriya
- he wants more friends. he really is enjoying meeting new people and having some new friends at ua!
- he gives really good hugs, he doesn't try to hug you too tight, but he doesn't half ass it either, very nice and warm
- he hates his scar. like. a lot. he wants to cover it up so bad but it just doesn't work. he's afraid it'll make other people scared of him.
Shinsou Hitoshi
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- loves patd! and fall out boy, a brendon urie STAN
- loves to kiss his kitties on the forehead but dreads human interaction
- he loves to squish his cats' toebeans... he takes pictures of them and posts them to his secret cat social media acc
- he is gay but doesn't know how to feel about it and/or come out, he's really nervous and doesn't trust people to accept him
- he doesn't smile often but when he does it's the cutest thing ever
- he secretly really likes deku and kaminari and is hesitant about accepting their friendship, but appreciates the gestures a lot
- he suffers with social anxiety and doesn't really know how to make friends very well??? like, in middle school people were total dickbags to him so he kinda just closed himself off and decided he was gonna like... not make friends, but now that there's nice people around him he just kind of- doesn't know how
- this is actually canon! but he feels guilty about having to manipulate people when he uses his quirk, during the 4th school briefs book he feels guilty when he overhears midoriya and ojiro talking about him using his quirk during the sports festival, and he's like "i wish ojiro would say something rude about me to show he's angry so i wouldn't have to feel so guilty about this" since ojiro showed no ill feelings towards him
Izuku Midoriya
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- "hold on I'll go get a blanket!" *opens closet* *thousands of all might figurines tumble out*
- watches cat vine compilations until 2 am, than freaks out when he realizes it is 2 am
- very good with children!
- used to be very self conscious about his freckles bc of bakugou insulting them; hid them with concealer for a while until someone told him they were beautiful
- loves his momma so muchhh he would do anything for her, he likes to surprise her with small favors to see her happy
- does not understand the concept of letting people handle their own problems
- stays after to class to offer his teachers help
- he has a lot of self doubts and is still struggling to this day to come to terms with the fact that he is worthy of having one for all
- he wants to learn how to cook for his mom and friends
Kyoka Jirou
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- she is a lesbian!!!!! she has a crush on momo but is completely convinced that it's unrequited
- struggled with judgmental kids in middle school because of her sexual identity and style
- gets very easily flustered by anyone complimenting her
- that one person sitting at the back of the bus with their earbuds blasting full volume
- was a GOD at guitar hero
- acts like she's fed up with kaminari's (which she can be sometimes), but truly he's one of the people she can trust the most. she secretly appreciates the way he hypes up her talents and how he really helps her through the day sometimes!
- she loves heroes so much... when she was a little girl and didn't know what to do she'd ask herself "what would my favorite heroes do!?"
- she also secretly buys hero merch but hides it in fear of her being seen as sappy
Amajiki Tamaki
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- would have trouble standing up for himself but if he sees ANYONE messing with mirio he WILL throw hands
- likes to watch bob ross videos when hes feeling anxious
- he once went to a butterfly museum with his parents and cried out of joy when one landed on his nose
- leaves food out for strays in his neighborhood, ends up attracting an entire hoard of animals.
- he can paint very nicely, he began to paint after he discovered bob ross
- mirio then saw his paintings and showed the entire class to tamaki's dismay, but everyone absolutely LOVED them!!!
- every day he becomes more and more capable and sure of himself, he is still very anxious, but he's learning to open up and embrace his talents <3
- he really loves to listen to music and any time he's not around others he'll probably have earbuds in, gently swaying back and forth to whatever he has on
- nejire loves to try out new hairstyles on him, and strangely enough, tamaki lets her, he loves it when people play with his hair
Shirakumo Oboro
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- shares one collective braincell with mic
- that one person that brings EVERYONE valentine treats on valentines day at school
- most likely plays ding dong ditch
- *draws stick figure* "ah yes. just like van goh" (he cannot draw)
- hates to see his friends (and even random strangers upset) and will go out of his way to do dumb things to make them smile
- probably played soccer
- he's a massive flirt and likes to believe he will become a stereotypical anime protagonist with a massive harem
- he really wants to see aizawa come out of his shell more and tries his best to encourage him to see the best in everything
- he has most likely worn a schoolgirl uniform to class once
- he's very affectionate and loves to hug his friends (even if they don't want hugs), it's his way of showing he likes people
Hizashi Yamada
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- he lives off of caffeine. he is a teacher, pro hero, and radio show host, im honestly not sure how he does it
- gives out stickers when students get the correct answer in class and has class parties when they are well behaved for the semester
- just like everyone else, he has his own turmoil as well, he likes to stay busy because it prevents him from having a lot of time to dwell on the past
- he gives really good hugs, and loves to feel the touch of others, it's very comforting to him
- was probably pretty troublesome when he was very young while he learned to get control of his quirk
- overall a really happy and excitable guy, he loves being the center of attention and if he can make people happy by being what he is, that's awesome!
- he shows his appreciation for people in odd ways, but he always means good, even if his wild antics can be a bit stressful lol
- he likes to sing a lot and does it a bunch when he's alone, he can also play a lot of instruments
- he can be very serious if needed, he does often put on a persona when he's present mic
- when he's hizashi (out of hero persona) he's even more of a dork than usual, very goofy, awkward and pouty. a manchild.
OK so I reached my image limit, if u guys wanna see the rest I might post some more later PLUS feel free to request some in my asks, I don't really know how all that stuff works bc I'm kinda new to Tumblr but ILL FIGURE IT OUT
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godrics · 5 years ago
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Did you see what happened with jaemin and dream?
i got this ask last night but i was still very upset/crying and i was going to answer hours ago but as i was typing it out, more information got revealed. so ill break it down for you guys of what my thought process has been.
i wasn’t aware of the video being posted so i didn’t want it until around 7pm maybe my friend dmed me on twitter asking if i knew about it. my heart immediately dropped. i, along with others, jumped to conclusions and was very disappointed. i cried all last night and even a few times earlier today before everything else got revealed. nct dream are literally my main source of happiness and i know they shouldnt be because they are people who have no idea i exist but they are. um i have friends and all that but they cant always be online or whatever which i get but it also makes me sad because im just that type of way when i get bored and i start overthinking. so i always go to dream videos just so i can be happy. so ill finish this part off with saying no, i wont unstan dream because i genuinely fear for my mental health if i do and i also love, love them so much that i just cant.
for this situation in general .. ive seen every opinion i can on twitter and never from the start of this all have i thought to cancel them or unstan. because i know they are genuinely good boys and people make mistakes. the tweets i’ve been seeing from actual koreans, living in korea, is these few tweets. x, x, x + x bc op went priv.
while i was typing this up earlier, more news came from twitter. the person who translated it and is a big account and was the only one who compared his words to the r word was kkum825 on twitter. they have been saying that kkum was the one who started the jaemin and jeno xenophobic rumors in the past and are a jaemin anti. x, x, x, x, x. kkum’s statement thread. where kkum “apologized” and said “she was wrong”. kkum’s latest tweet saying she was wrong and we were right. take that as you will.
anyways if you look at the first two tweets in the paragraph above and go on their twitter acc, there’s things they’ve posted from others that i guess shows proof that kkum is a jaemin anti. i, personally, don’t know what to believe but i definitely don’t believe kkum either. i don’t believe them because they have yet to post any actual photo proof of such. i’ve clearly learned not to jump to conclusions yet so ...
but i also will say that kkum didn’t put the part where jaemin immediately corrected himself in her thread and it is very obvious that that was an emotional time for her so i also believe she shouldn’t have translated so quickly while emotional at the same time.
i also think that while she(who moved away from korea at the age of 4 and didn’t learn korean first) shouldn’t have said such things and meanwhile is the only one who even said that he said the r word. while other koreans who literally live in korea their whole life and it’s their first language said that he didn’t. and this whole tweet literally explains my opinion on that as well so i won’t say it here either.
so basically, no i won’t unstan dream because they’re my lifeline and i do believe jaemin misspoke(because he did immediately correct himself). but also what the koreans who have korean as their native language and have lived there their whole life are saying and if they’re saying that it’s nothing actually bad .. then i take that into consideration as well.
this will probably be the first, only and last time i speak about it unless there’s any actual proof to which then i’ll reblog this ask and add to it/or edit it idk.
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pxiao · 5 years ago
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Reasons I’m glad V///R is dead and gone forever
So V//R is dead and cancelled and my only reaction is FINALLY. Since VR is gone and we can finish forgetting the forgettable show and get rid of all our salt. You’re free to add to the post but there are rules. 
1. DO NOT TAG IT SO THE FANS CAN SEE. As much as I hate the show and the fandom even they don’t deserve to see people bashing the show in their tag. 
2. Don’t write the name of the show or the characters. Use /// or ---- in the character’s name like Yu///saku so the tumblr search can’t pull them up
ok good? Good. 
Everyone but Yu///saku is worthless. 
Seriously when have any of the characters actually progressed the story? Potentially only SB have done anything truly worthwhile. Everyone else was just to die to build tension for Yu//saku. And if you’re asking for RE///volver. OHHH I have a section just for him, don’t you worry.
Sto//rm Acc/ess aka Yu//saku is such a shitty duelist that the MINORITY of his duels has him not cheating. 
SERIOUSLY it’s written that Yu//saku can get a random extra deck monster with his skill BUT the issue is despite it being “random” Yu//saku ALWAYS gets the monster he needs to win. NOT ONCE IN THE 100+ EPISODE HAS HE GOTTEN A USELESS CARD. ALWAYS THE ONE HE NEEDS. Totally doesn’t seem like plot armor. And you know it wouldn’t be as big of an issue IF HE DIDN’T USE IT FOR EVERY SPE///ED DUEL!!!!!!!! For a character that the show likes to say is “invincible” he sure isn’t good enough to win with the deck he built. It got ridiculous with his duel with G/oo in season 2 where G//o countered his skill BUT A//i revealed it had a secondary effect that let him draw a card AND still get a new extra deck monster. 
Plot twists: 
They fall into two camps, “we already knew you dumbasses” or “THE HELL WERE YOU GUYS SMOKING!” Essentially the twists are obvious like A///i was based off of Yu//saku’s data as why wouldn’t he be. Or the dumb ones like Spec///tre beating A///oi or somehow Spec//tre had CONSCIOUS TREE AS A MOTHER. There have been a few twists that I can count that surprised me but they lead to other twists that fall back into stupid.  
the “Plot” just plain doesn’t exist.
 It’s just things happening with some connecting plot lines BUT they rarely lead into each other. Light///ning revealed that his plan was happening THE EXACT SAME TIME as season 1′s finale. A//i being the villain is more due to Light//ning’s simulation somehow proving that A///i will destroy humanity than the fact that A/i’s the only Ig//nis left. And each season’s arc has no connecting plot either. Season 1 can be broken down to Yu//saku gets A//i which has him meet the “main cast” and then Yu///saku go to S//OL for info that was TOTALLY pointless. Which is isolated from Re//volver setting a virus that traps you on the internet which leads to Re//volver learning Yusa//ku’s face AND MEETING HIM but does jack shit with that info. And then Re///volver’s final plan happens that was based on timing than anything else. 
Does that seem disjointed? YEP because there is no narrative at all, things are just happening. There is a vague connection at best but none of the characters’ actions actually affect how the story goes. THE FRUSTRATING PART IS THEY SET UP MOMENTS WHERE THEY COULD HAVE BUT THEY DIDN’T. SEASON 2 AND 3 IS THE SAME THINGS JUST HAPPEN AND THEN YU//SAKU HAS TO SAVE THE FUCKING DAY. V/R has no rhyme or reason why things happen, they just do and let me tell you, that’s fucking boring.
The Yu//saku praise
 My fucking god. Look the protagonist getting praised isn’t new, it happens with each series BUT the issue is the volume that Yu//saku gets and how early he gets it. Most protagonists have to wait till at least the second series before the population love them. Yu///saku got it by the THIRD EPISODE. BY. BEAT. A. MOOK. He was called a hero, people were saying he was hot, people were copying his avatar. AND IT NEVER STOPPED. EVERY OTHER EPISODE HAS SOMEONE SAY HE’S AMAZING, STRONG AND SOOO IMPORTANT. 
An A//oi episode in season 1 has a less than five minute section just to show that a kid HERO WORSHIPS YU//SAKU AND WAS IT. The kid appears with an avatar based on PM, PM saves him and tells the kid to trust him to save and then the kid logs out. AND THIS HAPPENS CONSTANTLY. “YU//SAKU IS INVINCIBLE”, “YU//SAKU IS MY HERO!”, “EVERYONE DEPENDS ON YOU YU//SAKU”. IT’S BEEN AN ENTIRE SHOW OF PEOPLE SINGING YU///SAKU’S PRAISES AND THE WORST PART OF IT IS, HE DESERVES NONE OF IT.
The setting. 
Let me ask ... THE FUCK IS IT. What even is Link Vr//ains? Is it a game, a site, a program? WHY IS IT ONLY IN DE///N CITY? WHY IS DESTROYING IT WILL LEAD TO THE ENTIRE INTERNET CRASHING???????? Link Vr///ains is something that NEEDS to be explained but the show NEVER DOES. HELL IT NEVER EVEN TRIES. 
The girls
Jesus christ ... the girls are .... just sad. A///oi ... my fucking god A//oi. A///oi’s personality starts and ends with “onii-sama”. NEARLY EVERY MOTIVE OF HER’S IS I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR MY STEPBROTHER. Everything else is a passing fancy. Mi///yu? Yeah nice motivation but that’s why her two duels as BM in season 2 is more about her relationship with Ak//ira than her “friend”. 
Em//ma’s backstory was absorbed into BS’ despite the fact he was a new addition when Em//ma was around since season 1. 
Vir//ya is just a bit character meant to fill out the remain KOH, since their return in season 2, she haven’t done anything of value. 
Qu///een ... why is she there? I mean she appeared in a Bikini ... in virtual reality. seriously there is no point in that shit, and then did nothing besides watch over Ear//th’s death and then lost to A//i when her skill was named honey trap. 
Mi////yu is so unimportant we haven’t gotten a scene of her out of flashback despite being a lost chi//ld.   
Back to A//oi, it’s not even that A//oi isn’t important,sadly that’s not uncommon in YGO, it’s the fact EACH TIME SHE TRIES TO DO SOMETHING, THE SHOW PUNISHES HER FOR IT. She tries to be a symbol for people, it’s stupid why she trying but still, Spec///tre reveals he was toying with her the entire time and she had no chance. She tries to get stronger in season 2, SB beats cause she doesn’t have an Ig//nis and then she does nothing for half the season. She tries to save her “childhood friend”, Bow//man beats her and takes her consciousness so Yu//saku has to save her ... again. She tries to protected Ak//ira, A//i beats them and only takes A//oi to taunt her over her failure. THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW, ANYTIME A//OI TRIES TO DO ANYTHING, THE SHOW BEAT HER UP AS IF TO SAY, YOU SHOULDN’T DO ANYTHING EVER. Great message there. 
Simulations
You know as people there are plenty of reasons that conflict starts, greed, hate, anger, lust, desperation to survive, hunger. And how does conflict start in V/r? FUCKING SIMULATIONS. EVERY SINGLE CONFLICT IN THIS SHOW IS BECAUSE OF A SIMULATION. K//OH are a thing cause Kog///ami did a simulation that showed that the Ig//nis are learning TOO FAST AND WILL CAUSE THE END OF HUMANITY. Ligh///tning turned evil because he learned no matter what he can NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH HUMANITY CAUSE OF A SIMULATION. A///i turning “evil” because he’s doom to end the world cause of you guessed it a SIMULATION. Simulations are just tools and are NEVER THE FINAL RESULT. There are too many variables to truly make an 100% accurate simulation BUT HERE THEY ACT AS IF SIMULATIONS ARE A FUCKING GOSPEL. IT’S STUPID AND INCREDIBLY LAZY THAT THE CAUSE OF ALL the conflict in this show is because of independent simulations.  
Mental illness
As a person with a mental illness and went to therapy I can say this, VR doesn’t deserve any brown points for covering mental illness. If anything VR touching mentally illness takes points away. I have already said my piece on how poorly VR tackles mental illness. But my take away is this when it comes to mental illness VR is a absolutely horrible.
Rev///ovler
Re//voler is in all honestly a shitty character despite what his fans think. He’s an asshole that has no drive of his own. He admit he does this all BECAUSE OF HIS DAD. The one time he did do something of his own accord, turn his dad in, he later regretted so much that he refuses to do it again. LOOK I can understand missing your father despite the fact he’s trash, human relationships are complex BUT RE///VOLVER BEING “FATHER I WILL NEVER EVER GO AGAINST YOU AGAIN DESPITE THE FACT YOU KIDNAPPED KIDS AND THEN TORTURED THEM BECAUSE YOU FELT SAD HUMAN WILL EVENTUALLY GO EXTINCT ONLY TO TURN ON YOUR CREATIONS” IS FUCKING STUPID. And then he goes the EXTRA MILE OF ASS and says to Yu//saku’s face that he REGRETS SAVING HIS LIFE TWICE. And he never apologized either. 
Also his “development” is forced as shit, Revo//lver never develops onscreen or shows signs of changing, just the show and characters say OH YES RE//VOLVER CHANGED.... IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.  Honestly after his return in season 2 where he showed he DIDN’T CHANGE, then he tries to help Hom//ura despite telling Yu//saku he regrets saving him. WHY THE CHANGE. HE HAS SEEN NOTHING THAT MADE HE FEEL SYMPATHY FOR THE LOST KI//DS. BUT HE’S ALL OF A SUDDEN KIND TO HO///MURA. AND THEN AFTER HE LOSES TO LIGH//TNING AND SAY’S A/I NAME, ONLY TO SNAP BACK IN SEASON 3 AND WANTS TO KILL A///I. What I’m saying is, he has no real character development, you can tell what the show WANTED him to become but my god they were too lazy to actually show him changing. 
Yu//saku
OH BOY this is going to be long. Yu//saku is by far the WORST WRITTEN PROTAGONIST IN YGO HISTORY.  He has no personality and no real background besides HE WAS TORTURED, POOR HIM!!!!! Seriously what was his life like before the Lo//st Incident. What did he like to do, did he have friends, where the fuck are his parents. There is no information about him, past or present. Like his current “personality”, WHAT IS IT besides he’s stoic/emotionless. He’s not nice or even mean anymore. He has no likes or even dislikes. All we know is he’s determined ... and that’s it. Yu//saku is a blank slate for the viewers to project on. Yu//saku is honestly NOTHING. 
Honestly, Yu///saku isn’t strong as he cheats the MAJORITY of his duels, he isn’t smart as rarely does he do anything that’s smart, wanting to brutal force the solution and he doesn’t follow his own advice. 
Yu//saku: Bonds are important and the only thing that are absolutes
Yu//saku then fucks off for 3 MONTHS NOT TELLING ANYONE
And like Re//volver, his “development” is forced as hell. He just says things that make no sense for him to say. Yu//saku shouldn’t say revenge doesn’t help WHEN IT OBVIOUSLY DID. The show was supporting him and he got the guy that kidnapped him killed and then he got better. HELL JI//N WAS SAID TO GET BETTER ONCE THE K//OH WERE BEAT.   
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renticat · 5 years ago
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Phewww... Yuck?
Lol you're not going to believe me that I'VE BEEN DELETING ALL MY POST, again. Its the second time I'm doing it. First one its my blog, tifanyaprilia.blogspot.com and please don't ever visit that site again because I've just happen to know that google shut down the google + and my name Tifany Aprilia become "unknown" (well I actually kinda like it because its nice to be nobody when everybody says that nobody is perfect; which is me lol) 😅
I wrote so much about my HEARTBREAK TRAGEDY in my old blog and one of my friend told me it's a SHAME, you can't be too honest about your feelings especially online (you know internet are full of fake things so you better get yourself some security) then I thought about it and yeah I agree so I just left some poems that actually didn't relate with myself at all (okay, some are related to me but not every pieces) and I honestly dedicated those poems just to be a book written by me because I joined the writing club in campus but no more... I'm just in very ill feeling two years ago and now (I mean right now) that finally I can come out a little bit from my shell.
Don't ask me why? Its complicated and I ever wrote it here if somebody ever read it... (Sigh, I made all the perfect same mistakes again but different times with same-different people and I hope I can do better to overcame my own insecurity) -complicated childhood PTSD, a little bit depression and suicidal imagination cause I am not brave enough entering the hell for eternity of course I mean it- if you wondering why there are so much difficult words to understand go googling yourself-
Second, my tumblr is back! Finally... I personally like tumblr more than instagram because here you can share many things like gifs, re-blog content from other and writing your ideas like a blog but I never update my entry about a year ago because I can't open my tumblr app anymore on my phone so here I am. Well instagram is cool but when I write too many words for caption is just not seem good looking and fyi I didn't like to post picture of myself too much ex: selfies but I've ever done it so I think its enough -thanks to Luluk; she made my instagram account when actually I didn't really want to just so my friend can tag me but when I have insta they don't really tag me -_- so I thought I better upload everything on tumblr again, bye insta and blogspot-
My instagram just for stalking cute cat photos, cool outfits or maybe laughing at ex-boy when I am still single. Lol I didn't want to delete my insta acc because there were so much memories... Not that much but still...
So thanks for visiting me again. I am still learning English and for sure I knew my grammar was not that good but at least I try, (and the importanter;cough; I have to expand my vocab babe, the more important yeah does my writings sound dull?)
My Mother tongue eh, mother language is Indonesia. If you don't know its near Malaysia and Australia... Haha (its sad some people really didn't know where Indonesia is) and Im just still shock that BMTH going acoustic but whatever I still love them.
With heart,
(If I don't forget where it was)
Tifany Elok Aprilia
#diary #deleted #memories #brandnewstart #lol
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moanbyul-yi · 6 years ago
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k so @byulyi dared me to do all the flowers from this and my dumbass thought it was a great idea to accept the dare but my dumbass also fucked up and basically deleted the ask so here it is in a post lmao buckle up bitch!! (u really dont have to read it if u dont want its sm longer than i thought it would be) 
amaryllis - name an attribute of yourself that you are proud of. proud of my ability to find the shittiest and worst tv shows/movies and watch them religiously lmao
anemone - describe a time when you felt abandoned or betrayed by someone you loved. back in yr 8??9?? i had a super close friend (that i was also in love with but i didnt realise bc of compulsive heterosexuality) that randomly cut off ties with me and yike it sucked 
azalea - would you describe yourself as a patient person? in terms of simple things like waiting on a package no lmao but if its waiting for a person or smthn like ykno that deep shit then yeah 
begonia - describe anything you see as a “red flag” (something that makes you cautious about a new friend or love interest) straight up if theyre an asshole,, if they say something homophobic/racist/sexist etc just if theyre not accepting and nice to all people 
bird of paradise - do you like hosting parties, or do you prefer to just attend? i love hosting!!!!!!! i love making sure everyones havin a lit time and organising all the stuff 
bluebell - what keeps you humble? tbh idk how to answer this question just bc ig im not really in a position where i have stuff to flex so like i dont have a lot to be humble about ?? in terms of like achievements n shit 
chysanthemum - describe your idea of a perfect day.  this is kinda gay but honestly just a day i get to spend chilling with my girl whether we go out or just stay home and binge movies all day whatever it is,, just to have a chill day with her with no ‘you have to be doing this!!!!!!’ feeling 
spring crocus - describe your favourite childhood memory. the first one that comes to mind is me and my cousin when we were like 5yo running around the house with a cape on pretending we were superheroes
daffodil - how do you confess your feelings to someone you’re interested in? ive only done it twice, the first time was a complete Mess and the second time they initiated it so idk lol i wing it ig 
daisy - describe something that gives you hope when things seem bleak. honestly idk bc im the kinda person that just wallows in their sadboi but i guess something that helps is just talking to people esp my gf about whatever it is thats sucky
foxglove - when was the last time you told a lie? i told my parents i was going to the city for lunch with a friend today but i went to a dance class for love shot by exo lmao 
gardenia - have you ever had to keep a romance a secret? if so, why and for how long?  yeah bc we were both not out - had to keep it a secret from p much everyone other than a few friends the entire time we were tgt 
purple hyacinth - describe a time when you had to apologize to someone last year,, i had a fight(??) with my friend and yeah 
hydrangea - how much time do you spend on your appearance each day? not a lot i always look like a Mess 
white jasmine - what is something that never fails to make you laugh? !!!!!!!mamamoo !!!!!! 
lavender -  describe your oldest friendship, and why you think it has lasted so long. i have a primary sch friend and we’ve been friends sort of since kindy but properly for like 8 years???? its the kinda friendship where we dont have to talk often but we can hit each other up whenever and it isnt weird its just chill and gucci ( @akicchisano luv u binch no homo)
lilac - describe your first relationship or first love. yeet ok my first pROper rs?? lasted like a year and a half and it was a friend in high school,, uhh it was good while it lasted but im glad its over and i wouldnt go back lmao but it was definitely a learning experience 
calla lily - what traits do you find beautiful in others? in yourself? i guess imma be really typical and say kindness like the kindness in which u dont expect anything in return?? like the way people aim to make people happy and laugh and shit ykno (i just woke up soz this is terrible)
tiger lily - if you had to choose between doing what you love and making very little money, or doing a job you hate and making a lot of money, what would you choose and why? im assuming the very little money is still enough to get by?? but i would choose that just bc if i hated my job idk how long i would last in it but i dont think it would be very long at all. if i had people to provide for or something tho then definitely the second bc gotta get that dough for them 
lotus flower - would you say that you are a spiritual person? if so, what elements of spirituality are important to you? nah im not really  
magnolia - describe your favourite thing to do outdoors. probably just walking around ykno with nothing to do or maybe hiking?? sightseeing?? shit like that 
morning glory - are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection? very lmao if i like you romantically or platonically ill be v touchy and cuddly if u reciprocate it,, i also will give random gifts like stuff ive made or stuff that reminds me of that person just random small things 
pansy - what is the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for you? idk if this is the mOSt thoughtful bc i have bad memory but that one time the mvp @akicchisano bought me a smol christmas tree bc i kept talking about how i wanted one but couldnt find one that shit got me busting the phattest uwus
peony - describe the top three things necessary for a happy life.  a sugar daddy,, good food,, girls
petunia - what never fails to make you angry? when people borrow shit and dont put it back how they found it >:(
red poppy - what tips or tricks do you use to cheer yourself up when you’re down? i go for a drive (i cant drive so i make my brother lmao) or i watch smthn funny just get my mind off it somehow
red rose - describe your ideal date or romantic evening.  shit idk about ideal but itd be really nice to maybe get dinner and go star gazing like somewhere far where theres less light pollution and hella stars and then after that just coming home to binge movies and cuddle
yellow rose - do you get jealous easily? sO easily its terrible but most of the time i dont do anything about it
snowdrop - have you ever had a falling out with a friend or family member? not in such a way thats resulted in us not ever talking again 
sunflower - do you consider yourself a loyal person?  ye,, ya girl aint no hoe
sweet pea - describe a difficult goodbye you had to make to a friend or other loved one. probably saying bye to all my family bc they came to visit and having to send them off opened up some real emo hours :((((
violet - how important is loyalty in friendships and/or relationships? v important bc u gotta have someone to rely on but it should be loyalty and not blindly following 
wisteria - do you like poetry? if so, describe your favorite poem(s). yeah i kinda just like random poetry theres a lot from an insta acc called poeticpoison that i really like
zinnia - do you have any loved ones in your life that you miss and wish you could see?  yeahh my gorlfriend and all my family since they all live in different countries
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musicalmatrix · 7 years ago
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Flaws in Dear Evan Hansen
Requested by @youll-rise-again 
Kind of also a response to @evanhcnsen @hellagaysaltsquad @havenous 
And the anons
And anyone else who wants to fight (I can’t believe I’m wasting my data on y'all.) 
First off, I want to get out of the way that I actually enjoy this musical. The music is great and the cast is phenomenal. But that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to call out the bullshit, so buckle up. 
FIRST AND FOREMOST: Every time I say this musicals plot is problematic, everyone tells me it’s because “the written summary makes it sound worse than it is; the dialogue makes it way better.” To which I have two responses: The first is I have watched the bootleg so I know the dialogue. The second is if you plot sounds problematic, but the dialogue “makes it better”, that is the dialogue manipulating you to overlook the fact that the plot is STILL PROBLEMATIC. 
So let’s get into why the plot is problematic, and we’ll start with basics. There is something that should rub everyone the wrong way about someone pretending to be friends with someone who committed suicide and profiting from it. I am not saying that Evan didn’t have good intentions or anything. I understand why he did it. I’m just saying. Inherently, it’s wrong. And it needs to be addressed.
I’m having a hard time deciding what order to put these in, but next I think I’m going to talk about Evan as a character. The first thing I’m gonna say is Ben Platt deserves Best Actor because of how well he portrays social anxiety. But that’s about where the good ends (at least for what I want to talk about). Evan Hansen is a flawed character. Extremely flawed, actually. Sure, he has good intentions and stuff, that’s great. But it doesn’t change the fact he lied to everyone and fucked them over. Big time. He fucked over Zoe by dating her after he lied about her brother. He fucked over the Murphy’s because let’s not forget all the hate they got from the world after Connor’s “suicide” note was released. He fucked over his friends by dragging them along into their lies and ignoring how they felt. And last but not least, he fucked over his mother by ditching her. Now you’re all pretty pissed now I’m sure. Here’s the thing: I don’t care. It’s one thing for Evan to fuck over everyone and then be held accountable. But give me one time in the show he is fucking held accountable. Just one time. He apologizes. And then it’s over. They just forgive him. Like he’s so precious and needed to be protected. No. Just no. A mental illness is not an excuse to fuck everyone over. Evan needs to be held accountable. They never release what he did to the public. They never do ANYTHING about what he did. And don’t give me this bullshit of “He learned his lesson and felt bad.” That’s not being accountable. That’s regretting making a pretty obvious mistake that backfired on him. Being accountable would be coming out to the world and saying he lied and taking whatever backlash comes from that because that’s what he put on the Murphy’s. Being accountable is fixing your mistake, no matter how much it will suck. It’ll be hard? Then you shouldn’t have profited from someone committing suicide. Having social anxiety is not an excuse to fuck everyone over and then not do a damn thing to fix it. Stop glorifying Evan. (And I know I’m going to get a lot of shit for this, so please just keep in mind that I would never let myself or any of my friends get away with this bullshit just because of our social anxiety. I sure as hell hope you wouldn’t either.)
So from there I’m going to go into Connor (with a touch on Zoe) and how not only the show but the fandom glorifies him as well. I’m saying this right now: Connor is trash, and I have no tolerance for glorifying him. I literally think I just heard people exploding as I wrote that. But y’all asked for problems, and I’m giving them to you. If you can’t acknowledge the problems with your own show, you are part of the problem. So let’s get into this. My main problem with Connor (and probably only one I’ll feel like touching on because it’s a big enough flaw) is that he is abusive. That’s right, he’s abusive. Not abused. A b u s i v e . Canonically: mentally and emotionally. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if it was physically as well. The proof? After Connor dies, Zoe states “Just because Connor isn’t punching through my door screaming that he’s going to kill me for no reason? That doesn’t mean that all the sudden we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.” I need you to read this very carefully: Even if you have a mental disorder, I will never condone, defend, or even waste my time in entertaining the idea of excusing this behavior. It is abuse. And it is awful. I have heard over and over again in this fandom that “Connor just needed love and attention and he would have be fine.” You know what? I don’t give a fuck about Connor. What about Zoe? Would she have been fine? Even if Connor had gotten better, would she ever been able to fully get over her brother threatening her life? Would she ever be able to trust him again? Would she ever get to a point in her life she believed without a single doubt that Connor would NEVER do it again? Those are the questions you should be asking. Connor Murphy is abusive trash and you’re right: he could have been alright and he deserved to be remembered. But he doesn’t deserve to be lied about. He doesn’t deserve to be worried about more than the people he destroyed. And he sure as hell does not deserve to be glorified.
So I’ve veered off the path of plot flaws and did some character flaws. Now I’m bringing it back to plot flaws, which we will begin with Zoe. Zoe was abused by Connor. When Connor dies, Zoe actually specifically sings a song about how she refuses to be upset about it, because that’s how awful Connor was to her. That kind of harm takes–if it’s even possible–years upon years of carefully rebuilding trust to get over. It does not take some stranger you’ve talked to maybe once in your life waltzing in and saying “Oh yeah, your brother thought you were great” ten minutes after your brother dies. If you think that is in even the realm of possibility, I have to tell you that you’re really fucking dense. A more realistic response to this would be “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you were never on the other side of the door while he was screaming he was going to kill me. You never had to endure any of that. So I actually don’t appreciate you belittling my feelings and experiences by saying you knew him better than I did.”
Another huge flaw to this show (which has been pointed out time and time again) is everyone’s responses to finding out Evan lied. You’re seriously telling me that the Murphy’s don’t expose him? Or yell at him? Make him pay for the anguish he put them through? He literally further destroyed an already grieving family. And he’s not even going to get punished for it by them? That is completely unrealistic and honestly makes the story entirely less compelling. They literally coddle the person who has made their lives a living hell. And Evan’s mom? He’s been lying to her for like a year and making shitty life choices and using this poor grieving family to get away from her, and she just forgives him just like that? Listen, in my life, I have encountered too many toxic people to allow Evan to get away with this. Being suicidal is not an excuse and should not grant someone immediate forgiveness if they have hurt other people. It’s a hard lesson to learn in life that you honestly don’t want to learn. But for two years I had a friend that (I realize now) would emotionally and mentally abuse me, and any time I would get upset about it, she would tell me she was suicidal. And immediately, my feelings weren’t important anymore. And that probably did more damage to me mentally than almost anything else in my life: having to tell myself I was being selfish when somebody really hurt me. I realize that that is not exactly what Evan’s doing, but it’s the same concept. He made his mom feel like shit, and instead of taking responsibility for it and trying to make it up to her, she found out he was suicidal and suddenly she wasn’t allowed to be angry at him anymore. She had to forgive him immediately, even though he hurt her and she needed to express that.
My next point isn’t really with the plot, but just the show as whole. So the show has this whole “representing mental illness” thing going, but the more I think about it, the more that’s a hard sell for me. Ben Platt does an amazing job portraying it, but the show (as I’ve mentioned before) glorifies his character. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but being mentally ill does not excuse horrible behaviors. And so what I want to touch on now is how the show doesn’t really represent mental illness as a whole, but rather glorifies one person with a mental illness. And to do that, I want to talk about Alana: my favorite character in this show. Now, I’ve already posted several things about Alana and her high-functioning anxiety. But her anxiety isn’t canonized, and that’s kind of what irks me. Alana portrays all the signs of every high-functioning person I know (and I lived in an Honors dorm and have all Honors friends in college, so I know a lot of high-functioning people and am one myself.) But never once in the show is it addressed or acknowledged. Hell, most people don’t know what the hell I’m talking about right now. But it’s there. It’s real. Alana is struggling as well. But we don’t focus on her, oh no. We only get to focus on her if it’s convenient to Evan. And sure, the writers may not have wanted to focus on her, or maybe they don’t even know they gave her high-functioning anxiety. But if that’s true, then Dear Evan Hansen is not a musical representing mental illness. It’s about a kid who happens to have anxiety. You don’t get to cherry pick what parts of mental illness you want to care about. If Dear Evan Hansen truly wanted to accurately portray mental illnesses, they wouldn’t glorify one and ignore the other.
Another thing about the show is that it’s whitewashed for absolutely no reason. I remember last year that this time, everyone was talking about how Hamilton revolutionized music theater. There would now be diversity. Crops would flourish. Everything would be amazing. And here we are a year later. Two POC nominated for Best Actor/Actress in Lead/Supporting Role, and they’re in the same category. Look at that. We’re worse than the Oscar’s. And the shitty thing is, it’s not because POC just weren’t nominated. It’s because POC simply weren’t in this season. Now, I’m not at all talking down all the people nominated. They’re all amazing at what they do and deserve to be nominated. I’m just saying. There is no reason for Dear Evan Hansen to be all white people (besides Alana, who is hated on almost constantly, so don’t even try to defend this show with her). And yet, here we are. It’s a little disappointing to think last year at this time, we were so excited for representation, but now we’re back to where we started. And I know I’m walking a fine line here because this probably sounds like I don’t appreciate this cast. But I do. I think the cast is fabulous. I just also think the show needs more representation. Because believe it or not, POC have mental illnesses and deserve to be represented as well. As a theater community, we can’t just say “Well, we have Hamilton, so now all of theater is diverse.” No. Most of theater is still very very white. And until we start acknowledging that, it will never change.
There’s literally so much more to touch on and maybe I’ll add onto this later, but I have one last thing I want to talk about right now. And that is the excuse that people are saying of “Dear Evan Hansen is supposed to be flawed.” In a way, you are correct. Dear Evan Hansen is supposed to be flawed in the way of “Is it morally okay to lie about someone who has committed suicide if everyone is better for it?” Which is why I didn’t talk about that much. Those types of flaws push your boundaries and make you really think. That’s supposed to be there. What’s not supposed to be there is everything else I’ve talked about. Evan never being held accountable is not an intentional flaw. Connor being glorified despite being abusive is not an intentional flaw. Zoe forgiving Connor because Evan tells her to is not an intentional flaw. Nobody being able to be upset with Evan because he’s coddled is not an intentional flaw. Ignoring an entire character with a mental illness is not an intentional flaw. Those are ignorant flaws. Those are things that should have been fixed. Those are unrealistic and potentially harmful things to put into your show.
In summary: You asked for an essay, you got a fucking essay. Like I said, I might add to this, but I’m tired and am going to bed now. You can love the show, go for it. I enjoy it too. But to suggest that the show is perfect and has absolutely no flaws? It’s ignorant and quite frankly, it’s annoying. This show is flawed. One would evan say “flawed as hell”. So with that, I’ll end with this. Dear Evan Hansen deserved to be nominated, no questions asked. Despite everything I talked about, it has some pretty strong qualities as well. It does not, however, deserve to win, because of all the flaws in the show that are clearly unaddressed. That might be harsh, but if you put a musical like this out into the world, you better make damn sure you did it right. That’s the responsibility you take when making something this important. And so I will not apologize for “being mean” or “nasty” to DEH. You can yell at me and call me a shitty person all you want. You can say I’m tearing the theater fandom apart. Fucking go for it. If that’s what I get for refusing to glorify something clearly problematic, then so be it. I’m not “hating” on the show because it’s not my “type”. The show has flaws. And a show with this many flaws should not win Best Musical. I’m sorry you can’t handle the reality of that.
P.S. I could write an entirely separate essay on how toxic y’all’s fandom is, but I’ll save that for another time.
P.P.S. Y’all can pretend not to see this. You can ignore everything I said here. You can stay in your little bubble and refuse to acknowledge the flaws. But all of us out here? We see it. We see the flaws. All of us. And we see you, ignoring them. Just a heads up.
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edsenger · 5 years ago
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Top 10 | Healthcare Collaborator
The 2019 WEGO Health Awards turned out to be our biggest celebration yet! With over 6k nominations and 130k endorsements, we were able to celebrate more Patient Leaders than ever before.
The program celebrates the top 5 finalists in each of the 15 WEGO Health Awards categories, but with so many nominations, it’s nearly impossible to shine a bright light on all these deserving nominees! In hopes of recognizing even more nominees, we’ve compiled the Top 10 Patient Leaders in each category based on community endorsements.
WEGO Health Awards Healthcare Collaborator Award
These Patient Leaders understand healthcare from the patient perspective, but they are also professionals with the skills and ability to help companies advance their most critical patient-facing initiatives. Speaking at conferences, consulting with healthcare companies, using their education to help make a change in the healthcare industry – these Patient Leaders are bridging the gap between industry stakeholders and healthcare consumers.
  Melissa Talwar | Fibromyalgia Patient Leader
2019 Healthcare Collaborator: Patient Winner
Melissa’s advocacy work started in the early 2000’s, and she was part of the first Fibromyalgia group in Sacramento for the first Fibromyalgia Proclamation. That day ignited a passion to pursue advocacy work and find better answers for the Fibromyalgia community. She continues to bring Fibromyalgia education to patients across the country and to legislators at Capitol Hill. Be sure to connect and she’ll see you on the road!
Follow the WEGO Health Award winner on social.
AutonomicRN | Dysautonomia Patient Leader
2019 Healthcare Collaborator: Patient Finalist
“RN turned full time patient. After Dysautonomia turned my life upside down, I was forced to figure out the new normal. While each day constantly brings change and unpredictability, I’ve been able to use my experiences to give a voice to those who don’t have one. Through blogging, online advocacy, and serving on a National Leadership Team for a nonprofit as Medical, Clinical Liaison and also on their Advocacy Team, my voice now reaches individuals globally. While I loved bedside nursing, I never thought about the reach that I possibly could have on a global level. Connecting with so many patient leaders, advocates, and members of health care teams has been invaluable and has allowed me to forge new relationships that I never thought was possible.”
It’s with a heavy heart we share Kim has since passed, but please learn more about her journey and become inspired by her work.
Stacy Hurt | Cancer Patient Leader
2019 Healthcare Collaborator: Patient Finalist
“I am a passionate, outspoken health care strategist and activist. Having been a healthcare executive for 20+ years and advocating for both my disabled/special needs son and myself as a stage IV colorectal cancer survivor, I understand the need for connection and collaboration between health care professionals and patients. Empathy and communication are greatly lacking, and I am the authentic voice to bridge that gap. I am particularly interested in survivorship, invisible disabilities, patient centricity, and #doingawareness (as opposed to just “raising” awareness).”
Add Stacy to your feeds to stay updated on her advocacy.
Brianna Cardenas | Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Patient Leader
2019 Healthcare Collaborator: Patient Finalist
“As a Physician Assistant with EDS and a CSF leak, my goal is to raise awareness about these conditions both online and amongst my colleagues in the medical field. I now work as a professor in a PA program and teach my students about EDS, CSF leaks, and other chronic illnesses and how they impact patients. I am grateful for my perspective from both sides of the stethoscope and will continue to advocate for better healthcare for all of us!”
Learn more about the important work Brianna is doing and follow her on social. 
Liz Kennerley | Rare Disease Patient Leader
2019 Healthcare Collaborator: Patient Finalist
“I’m a mitochondrial disease patient and volunteer federal health policy lobbyist. My primary focus will always be rare disease legislation. However, in order to completely advocate for the 1 in 10 Americans with a rare condition other areas of health policy had to become a priority. While the legislative priorities are to help patients like all of us, the angle, legislation, and discussion are different each time. On the Hill, I have advocated alongside pharmaceutical CEOs, scientists, doctors, and patients.”
Check out Liz’s advocacy on Capitol Hil and beyond. 
Amanda Greene | Lupus Patient Leader
“As a Patient Leader, Amanda encourages other people to become your own best advocate and start by sharing their story to impact and inspire healthcare organizations to collaborate with patient communities. Amanda is known for sharing her personal healthcare experience wherever she is – whether on stage (as a keynote speaker or panelist), writing a guest post for a national healthcare organization or online.”
Follow Amanda on social.
Paolo Maccallini | ME/CFS Patient Leader
“A lot of patients have asked me why I use my little energies to study my disease, instead of just waiting for science to conquer it.There are many reasons, the first one being that I am desperate because of the cognitive disability that is worse than death. I am not concerned about the physical limitations, at all, even though I have been mostly housebound for the last 20 years. Another reason is that I like computational biology, and I started studying engineering before getting sick with the idea of switching to bioengineering after graduating. So, this is my job.”
Stay updated about Paolo’s advocacy work.
Barby Ingle | Chronic Pain Patient Leader
Cheerleader of HOPE – Barby Ingle, BSc, is an Amazon bestselling author, reality television personality, and president of International Pain Foundation (iPain) sharing her powerful story about life-changing events that forced life reflection, purpose, and her journey from wheels to heals. Barby has a degree in Social Psychology from George Mason University and more than 20 years of living with chronic pain and 30 years of motivational speaking experience.
Want to learn more about Barby? Click here to follow her on social. 
Tom Kindlon | ME Patient Leader
“After being diagnosed for over a year, I realised there was a good chance I was going to be stuck being quite ill & disabled for a long period, possibly indefinitely, a prospect that wasn’t appealing. Moreover, I realised that there wasn’t a huge effort to research the illness well; it wasn’t on the radar the way many other conditions were. I have been busy for the last 23 years working away as a (voluntary) ME activist. Much of what I concentrated on in the early years was raising awareness & understanding in Ireland with the Irish ME/CFS Association. I have done around 50 media interviews & have been featured in most of the national newspapers in Ireland. I have written dozens of press releases & have helped arrange for around 130 Irish families affected with ME to tell their story over the years in over 400 interviews. A lot more people are diagnosed here now & attitudes have improved.”
Follow Tom to be educated and inspired.
Brooke Schnittman | ADHD Patient Leader
Brooke Schnittman, MA, ACC, BCC, has been nominated for multiple awards including “Best In Show Community” and”Advocating For Another.” She is the creator of What’s Next and ADHDEdCamp. When working with clients, it is Brooke’s mission to empower them to achieve their personal goals and break through the obstacles that seem to be holding them back in life.
Add some inspiration to your feeds by following Brooke.
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