#when i have more energy i need to talk about the way i'm conceptualizing the idea of hera

[commsroom]

more than anything, what i want for hera is the safety to have trivial interests, to be unimpressive and entirely mundane. so much of her life is defined by the limitations imposed on her. she is always in some level of pain, and the entire concept of... knowing physical pain as a sensation without ever really experiencing pleasure, only occasional relief, gets to me a lot in the context of disability. she has never had a day in her life where she hasn't had to be concerned for her survival. even when she's able to relax, even when she's just goofing off with eiffel, whatever space he can give her for that... she's still constantly running all of these background processes, calculating and monitoring and making choices for her own safety, and there is something about that... in the same way that "i can't do this. i'm not good enough." being programmed into her is a useful metaphor for understanding trauma, i kind of feel those background processes, the constant need to multitask and take into account so many more things so much more quickly than anyone else, just to exist... there's something about that that resonates with me. i want her to feel safe enough to be able to just... turn that off. for a little while. i want her to see the ocean and not have to think about the direction of the waves.

[dramatic-dolphin]

Re. Your women being so scared thing. And to be clear I mostly agree with you.

I'm not sure where you're from, but I'm from New York, and I can say for sure that I'd feel more safe in the most dangerous part of the UK than basically anywhere in the US. My Parisian aunt thinks Gare du Nord too dangerous to walk near under any circumstances, but to me it seems like a normal bigger train station level of danger, and the streets around it seem normal. I lived in a university town in the UK for a year, and I never felt in danger there or in London, even alone, even in the middle of the night. I was never alone in Berlin, but I was out at night, and I felt at least as comfortable as I would in New York. So I think, at last in the places I've been and from my experience, America is more dangerous and much scarier. I have never been street harassed in the UK, and I have been harassed and followed in New York plenty, and had several people attempt to attack me. Men in the US will also often harass you from a car, which is an explicit threat. It's also important to remember that parking lots are bad places to be and most of the US has to drive, and therefore park.

That said, I know some women who won't ride the subway at night, or at all, and that seems very paranoid to me. If you're riding at a remotely normal time and are paying any attention to your surroundings, you're almost certainly going to be fine. I also know girls who, even once they're in a car, of course, will send friends their location just in case. This seems extremely paranoid to me. Maybe check you're going the right way like one time. I do still think some of the things people do can be reasonable caution - yeah, didn't go hiking on a first date - but the perspective people are throwing at you strikes me as distinctly privileged. No one who's ever had a job can think that way. I've worked with a few women who took cars home after every shift, or their dad or their boyfriend picked them up in a car, and at that point, you have a job as a hobby, because unless he works nearby, you just spent your minimum wage on gas. If you take a cab home in New York, from Manhattan to any other borough, that's most of your pay. So to me, this level of paranoia generally reads that you've never had to be alone anywhere so you don't understand what it means, and you've never had to do shit with, and if you did do it, the money wasn't important.

Yeah a lot of time I get mad at this online because it just seems overly paranoid to me, and then a woman comes in with a personal experience or anecdotes, and it hits me that maybe the US *is* actually that bad? I live in Hungary, and I really like walking alone in the city at night, or going for long walks in the forest alone, and I've never really felt unsafe doing that, but - and this is crucial - neither have most of the women I talk to. Or at least, not to this degree. So, yeah, the US is possibly worse and more unsafe? I can believe that, it's just hard to conceptualize I guess, since the US likes to portray itself as tbe baseline for a "civilized" country, and I live in *Eastern Europe*. So there's preconceptions here, lol.

But yes, a lot of these, even when corrected for this, are just paranoid, there's no other way to see it. Like, no matter where you live, you truly do NOT need to share your location every time you leave home. And there's also the matter of being disconnected from the people and community around you, like being scared to help your neighbor or someone on your street. We live in a society, you kind of have to take an active part of it.

A lot of it is just a lot of energy spent on being scared every waking moment of your life. Like, okay, in the reddit thread I saw this in, there was a woman saying that she ALWAYS puts her ID in her front pocket when she goes outside so they can easily IDENTIFY THE BODY IF SHE DIES. Like what material good does worrying about this bring to your life? It's not even a self-defense technique, doing this will not help you with staying alive!! All it does is make you think about "oh no, I could get murdered" every time you leave the house. This is NOT a healthy mindset!

It's like a strange and widespread kind of anxiety, and the worst part is, it has you convinced it's necessary, and you can't get rid of it unless you make an active effort to do things despite being scared. First you have to convince yourself that you *won't* get murdered by your date if you don't share your location, and that's the hardest part. And yeah lol, having to do things alone helps you with this tremendously, because you realize that you've just taken the subway at night alone and survived. But if you're never forced to do things alone, you get stuck in this weird fear spiral, and whenever you see a stranger, you end up thinking about how they could murder you.

[hools]

Sorry if this is a weird question, but how do you come up with your drawings? What does through your mind while making them? I find your compositions so gorgeous and intriguing but I can't really figure out how you approach things since everything's very shifty and abstract. It's really gorgeous work, I'm so glad I discovered your art :,)

hey first of all this isnt a weird question at all & i'm really glad you enjoy my art heheheheheehe. there's an incoming large largely unformatted block of text that i hope you dont mind!

Honestly there are a billion things going through my mind at a time while I'm drawing and they all sort of bump into each other and cancel each other out like opposing particles. If you've seen any of my streams i'm usually very fast and iterative in a lot of my process and i rarely ever slow down even past the early parts like thumbnailing and sketching. i kind of let my hands do the talking more, yknow? but even then theyre never talking about a single thing at a time. everything interacts with everything, which is probably why i always end up getting lost and meandering. composition is not independent from color & value and neither are they from texture and perspective. its hard thinking of all of the ways they mesh and react to one another so i spend less of my energy thinking and more of it doing, and then assessing once something interesting comes about it. i guess then i prioritize my Hand Movement Actioning and Eye Vision Seeing over my Brain Neuron Assessing. but even though iterations can come and go quick this kind of informed throwing-against-the-wall isn't really the Fastest. but its fun. and you get to stuff all the unused ideas in your pocket for later.

even though i did say how connected everything is i always seem to start with composition. it kind of affects and informs everything the most at least on an individual piece level. with thumbnails & composition in general i think youre supposed to think huge right. so i Always think huge. push everything as much as you can. start with a crazy angle (not necessarily angle meaning "perspective" but like an angle between two lines) and border your scene within it. take an already steep foreshortening and steepen it further with the transform tool & see what shapes form from the empty & filled space. shrink your subject to only fit 3/4ths of the canvas and build around it to make it work. blow things up (enlargen) and blow things up (remove & obliterate). with composition you have so much room for fuckery if you give yourself the grace to accept the fuckiness.

and i guess this freedom to fuck around and iterate and build and build and build upon comes from how most of the time my initial ideas are very. vague? abstract like you've said. sometimes its Just a song or a song lyric and nothing else (no characters to attach to just the feel and my gut). sometimes its a less than 5 word phrase i felt strongly about throughout the day. in my me-only discord server i have messages in #to-draw channel that just say shit like "something about guitar straps" "thanks for knowing me!" "angel don't look at me" "DITHER QUEEN" (<-been meaning to make something with that). for things that have specific guidelines i spend more time thinking conceptually (the "rare animal" coelacanth drawing being an example) but otherwise it mostly comes out after. again. the first strokes. after you put the meat and bones on the canvas. an artist at a workshop i was at last year when i was in my own head about Needing to have a fleshed tangible Profound concept before being able to start something told me not to underestimate the stories that can be told just by your hands. and i think thats what stuck with me the most.

& one last thing i wanna mention is how despite how much i revel in the chaos of the process ive found how important limits are. i don't like cutting back on everything but i like cutting back on some things. sometimes i cut out backgrounds for solid fills and i love them that much more. sometimes i have little subconscious rules in a piece that i try not to break to keep a little level of consistency. if somethings a big wonderful mess already then i love a limited pallet and i love keeping parts empty and i love being able to breathe a little. yknow. but still go over the top in the other parts you have so much permission to. less is more but have a little more in your art than less. YKNOW?

but yeah thanks again for your kind words and wanting to listen to me talk. i havent been drawing much at all so these arent too fresh on the mind but i think i got a lot of what i wanted to say out. i hope u and others can get things out of this! if i made any sense <3

[optimiticsolarpunk]

Solarpunk Realism

I think one of the biggest hurdles to solving the climate crisis is that people have trouble imagining a world in which it's been solved. Many people think of the future as dystopian - but it doesn't have to be. We can solve the climate crisis - we just have to collectively start doing it.

I love the art movement called solarpunk. It's a sub-genre of cyberpunk, but where cyberpunk envisions a dystopian future, solarpunk envisions a utopian future. Both have futuristic technology mixed with old school humanity. (Another offshoot of cyberpunk is steampunk, mainly involving Victorian-era steam-powered technology in an alternate past.)

I think an optimistic vision for the future is a critical missing piece to actually solving the climate crisis and other big problems. We can't build a better world until we imagine it. That's what caught my attention with solarpunk; it's a genre of art and creativity that could play a profound role in helping save humanity.

I've been thinking about what a genre of art would look like that helps tell this positive message. At first I thought of calling it optimistic futurism. But as I thought through the idea, I kept getting drawn to solarpunk.

The first mention of the term solarpunk was in an anonymous 2008 blog post called From Steampunk to Solarpunk. In 2014, the artist Olivia Louise posted some conceptual solarpunk art on Tumblr. The next week, Adam Flynn wrote Solarpunk: Notes toward a manifesto. Based on this document and postings on solarpunks.net, in 2019 A Solarpunk Manifesto was posted on the blog of a regenerative design consulting firm.

For many years, I’ve worked on projects and art to help bring an optimistic perspective to the future. Now I’ve found a name for this kind of creativity: solarpunk. I worked mostly in the form of short documentaries and videos.

In early 2021 I started developing a potential TV show that looks at the big question: How do humans solve the climate crisis? I wanted to look at what we are doing and what more we need to do to save ourselves. I call the show Saving Ourselves. It has started out as a web videos series as I continue to try to develop the TV show on a bigger scale. I also started talking to folks building the massive offshore wind farms and other renewable energy projects around the world. We'll need to build thousands of these projects - so I start producing videos about them.

I did this because I think helping people envision a world in which the climate crisis solved is a critical piece to making happen. And what better way to do this than with a TV show?

I'm most interested in how these visions of the future can impact our present: How can we help communicate a positive message that inspires people to build this better world now? Call it solarpunk realism.

I want to look at the technologies we have now and in the near future and comment on ways I think the most likely scenarios will play out to solve big problems like the climate crisis. This is where the art form can have a major positive impact on our world and our future.

Art that helps us imagine a realistic vision of what a better world would look like.

My hope is that when we are able to see this better world, the next step will be to go out and build it.

Solarpunk themes include renewable energy, well-designed cities and community. It envisions advanced technology to help us get back to a more natural world - where nature is nurtured by technology.

Community thrives, people work and play together in harmony. We've learned how to let the Earth provide us with everything we need - and we no longer harm the Earth in the process - we feed and nurture it. A healthy Earth means healthy species and a healthy humanity.

I think solarpunk is best when technology is used less in some spaces - like less social media. We learn to be healthier with our use of technology to help humanity, and the World, thrive.

[blackvahana]

We're gonna ignore that I passed out yesterday, and usually when I say passed out I mean "fell asleep quickly and slept like a rock" but actually in this instance I mean started losing consciousness cooking myself something to add to the furikake cold rice I was devouring. Had to sit down and just. pass out

Except I guess we arent gonna ignore it lmfao. No it led into catatonia? Which is. interesting, in a way I have to find it interesting - one of the people I'm an incarnation of is schizophrenic and is where I get my psychosis and STPD from, and I lack some of the symptoms of schizophrenia except in the astral where I get full blown hallucinations and catatonia. I can usually try and move my main energy from them to someone else to mildly counteract it, but uh. First off, yeah, I'm aiming to be more conscious in the astral and my body is telling me I'm gonna have to learn to account for catatonia and have a backup plan for it. Usually Lev just figures out I need help after trying to move me - or more so I think he knows exactly what's happening but doesn't want to immediately possess my body when I can't communicate or move - and possesses me to help me start moving again but I haven't really considered it as a fact of life over there

Second.... Specifically I've been theorising and pretty sure lately that a huge part of my psychosis is "I'm listening for messages that aren't coming through, and so my body is making up it's own". Like I remember when I got into divination it really helped my psychosis because I had a fact-checkable way to ground "what if"s, and in general... I feel like I'm meant to be hooked up to various sources both conceptual/energetic and people alike. It's... Yeah. It's very much, watching myself, that I'm existing as a messenger waiting for messages and so my brains just formulating my own. I keep seeing spiders or hearing things said or going to certain pages in books and just giving myself nonsensical messages to spread when... there's... no one talking, it's like I'm existing in a lone bubble and the sound of my own breathing reflecting off the walls sounds like someone else is whispering sometimes - because I'm so cut off from hearing that I'm getting naturally occurring psychosis literally anyone would get in my situation

The answer to that... is uh. Personal, in that I have to figure out who to listen to and about what and where to give information and all that jazz. Honestly? I think fucking breaking the barrier between astral body and physical one would help a lot, but I have that cut off for reasons that extend so far outside conscious wants that I can't fight them. Either way...

[robins-den]

ROBIN THIS ROBO KY SONG ACTTUALLY SLAPS SO HARD genuinely the exact kind of shit i want to listen to while i do homework. lmfao. is this a distorted remix of a different song or did the song just come into existence sounding like this

okay so! Ky's theme of 'Holy Orders' is based off of Robo-Ky's theme 'Holy Orders?'. This is a representation of how Robo-Ky questions everything told to him, including those Holy Orders given to him, by those superior to him. Ky, meanwhile, as the leader of the police and then king of illyria, is the one passing down these Holy Orders. And yet he still needs to question them. He doesn't. Also Ky's theme sounding normal and pleasant to a regular person symbolizes how he desperately wishes to stay lovable and palatable to the people around him, as seen in one of his Guilty Gear XX endings.

It's wild. He pushes himself deep into respectability to make up for the fact that he's in love with a Gear, a being that the entire world hates and is in terror of. He believes that if he can become perfect and respectable enough, then he can achieve the 'points' needed to be happy with his Gear girlfriend-cum-wife and others will be fine with it. This is a metaphor for when queer people try and shove other queer people under the bus in order to appease the hetero-normative majority. Ky Kiske actually comes out as a trans woman in Strive (using he/him around because I honestly forgot and I'm so tired), completing her character arc of learning that some people can never be happy with you and you have to work your energy for people who need it. It's really nice. She's still King of illyria because they went through like ten country shattering disasters in the last 2 years and they can't afford to rebrand everything.

Robo-Ky teaches him that no matter how hard you work, some people will never love you, and the sooner you accept that the sooner you can start working for the people who WILL love you in Guilty Gear 2: Overture, the 17th game in the series. It's very touching, where Robo-Ky reconciles with him for killing his only friend and Ky desperately pretends that he has any idea what he's talking about.

okay so apparently ky ABANDONS 'holy orders' in strive. just another example of why its the worst game in the series (im joking i literally dont care about that game other than venom and his bakery and also delilah as a concpt). Robo-Ky never abandoned 'Holy Orders?' proving that it's truly his theme. also look at how many rivalry themes he has. he needs a WEDDING THEME that plays whenever he FIGHTS his BELOVED WIFE. why do you need so many rivalry themes with your father-in-law. whats the story there (i know what the story is there)

here's a playlist i grabbed with all of kys themes

i have not vetted them for quality. and here's a playlist of all the iterations of Holy Orders

it is so unorganized. but it has robokys theme. which is important.

ANYWAY YOU KNOW ROBO-KY'S KOREAN THEME ALREADY BUT OTHERS DON'T.

Dizzy Valentine's (Ky's Gear girlfriend/wife) theme. There's an official version up that's way different and way fucking worse.

Millia Rages theme. I love her so much my beautiful beautiful lovely complexly written and beautifully conceptualized wife

OH HOLY ORDER SOL ALSO FUCKS HARD. This is Ky's father in law back when he worked for the church as a crusader.

This isn't Guilty Gear but it's super good for only having 870 views

And yeah! There is your music, along with your Guilty Gear lore! please ask me if you want elaboration on anything or want more guilty gear music I live to talk about it.

[theriverperson]

Headcanon: Elemental Biology

Some headcanons I had about how elementals work. Open to adjusting this, and obviously not every elemental will fit in such neat boxes. There will always be variations or unique monsters or even groups of monsters that do not conform to these things.

Introduction

There are many different types and subtypes of elementals, the main categories of which change depending on the local cultures and mythologies. The four basic categories most will be familiar with, known as the classical elements, are fire, earth, air, and water. Some cultures added void or aether to this list. Some classified air instead as wind. Some cultures did not have this sort of concept at all.

China's Five Phases system, for example, had a generative cycle and a destructive cycle using wood, fire, earth, metal, and water that they used to explain how various interactions and other things occurred instead of as a means to describe the makeup of various substances.

For the sake of simplicity, I will be confining myself to the four commonly agreed upon classical elements.

Associations

Being creatures either inspired by classical myths or that inspired them, monsters and elementals alike tend to vary a bit based off of their local culture. In a way, we see this the best in what I imagine what River calls 'conceptual' monsters (such as Temmies, Tsunderplanes, and other 'meme' based monsters). How they function and what they look or act like changes based off of how they are thought to function or act (which ties into a completely separate theory about how human SOULs influence their surroundings but I'll likely write more on that later).

Fire is generally considered hot and dry, but some cultures associate it with destruction whereas others consider it to be the opposite, creation. Or sometimes even change, wisdom, passion, or kinship.

Earth is thought to be heavy, stable, and solid. The ancient Greeks also considered it cold. Some others think of it as sheltering, loyal, or strong.

Air is associated with freedom and breath and sometimes also communication, intellect, or energy.

Finally, Water is wet, obviously. Ice and snow for some, the warm tropical waters to others. Emotion and intuition, sometimes even fertility.

All of them have an association with life in one culture or another, which makes sense considering that elemental monsters are indeed alive and not simply their element animated.

Types of Monsters in the Underground

Which brings me to the point: most elementals likely have needs that are a bit different from the common, everyday monster. Have you noticed the kinds of monsters you see in the Underground? Fire monsters? Everywhere, practically. Makes sense, considering the mountain is a volcano. Earth monsters? A few yup, with a lot of mixing with the fire elementals. Also makes sense.

Water? Yeah sure there are plenty, but they're mostly fish or other more biological creatures instead of more elemental type monsters and almost all of them live in Waterfall or Snowden.

And Air? I couldn't find any, could you? Just a few birds, which is a bit of a stretch in my opinion when we're talking about elementals.

Elemental Starvation

My aforementioned statement about elementals probably having different needs from your average monsters? That all is what spawned the idea.

I posit that most elementals probably need their element to be around. That association earlier I mentioned, that air is sometimes called wind in some cultures? The Underground doesn't really have wind, does it? The air that it has is probably fairly stale, and I'm certainly not seeing much in the way of freedom down there.

This means most air elementals would be missing both a core feature of their element itself and a very common cultural association. Any air elementals that did make it to the Underground probably didn't last long, and the ones that did likely didn't have to worry about that sort of thing, but clearly there's something going on.

It isn't even that elementals themselves are uncommon because again, fire elementals are practically everywhere. Mount Ebbot is a volcano. Fire elementals? Doing fine. Earth, not as common but seem to be doing alright. Water, restricted to mostly one or two spaces and not very many monsters one could call an actual elemental. Air? Nope.

So what if most elementals had a basic need to be near their element, like how us humans need oxygen? You see this a bit in the show Avatar: the Last Airbender in how firebenders who are locked in the 'Coolers', away from their element, are unable to firebend (except for Zuko who knew a secret, but that's beside the point). What if elementals sort of starved without it?

Obviously this doesn't apply to all of them because Grillby stands as a rather strong counterexample, living surrounded by snow and ice, but one or two outliers are possible. This brings me to my last bit of rambling regarding this headcanon.

Elemental Magic and the SOUL

So, assuming all of the above stands true this takes us in an interesting direction: how does this affect their magic? Well first off I imagine they likely recover much more quickly when surrounded by their element and probably expend more magic than usual with away from it. Likely with some, but not all, elementals even suffering crippling effects when without their element or effectively slowly 'starving' without it.

I also imagine each elemental has a teeny bit of what they consider their 'home' elemental source all tied up in their magic. Maybe even in their SOUL. This probably influences what their magic or they themselves look like.

River's grandmother, for example, was from the deeper, bottom waters of the Sporades basin in the north Aegean Sea. As a water elemental of dark, deep waters she tended to be a bit shadowy and strange herself. River actually takes after her a bit.

One's 'home source' would probably be important to them. Of course one can survive without it, but it would be more compatible with their natural magic. Something their SOUL is more used to, which could have all sorts of minor influences on them.

I wonder what that would mean for elementals born in the Underground?

[faithfromanewperspective]

i think my problem with i can do it with a broken heart is it cuts a little too close for me. that's been how i lived for a long time, feeling things then making a point of acting the opposite. right back to when i was a little kid and i'd have like. a monster cold of some kind and i would go to every length i could to hide it, i'd go off to school (making sure my parents didn't realise i was sick and stop me) when i should have been at home and then keep sneaking to the bathroom to blow my nose so it wouldn't run, pretend to be extra energetic when really i was so so tired. then as i got older it became, i'm anxious in this social situation but so is everyone else, so I gotta stay calm and help other people feel comfortable. i gotta be friendly when i'm feeling heartbroken. i gotta be the positive one cause no one's gonna deal with my emotions and this helps me deal with other people's. i lost the ability to be in touch with and simply accept how i was feeling that way. i still doubt my own ability to know it. because I CAN be positive and appear happy a lot, so much so that my brain has made permanent pathways from 'this sucks i feel this way' to 'how can we brainstorm ways of fixing it' to 'i have ALL THE ENERGY to solve this problem'.

the worst part is probably the second couplet of the chorus though. i'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me. like i get this, I get the need to have something to sing in this situation but had it come out ten years ago I'd have used it (and I did at the time with countless other songs from last decade) to convince myself this was going on when it really wasn't. when i could've just! talked to him! and found out he wasn't avoiding me, he was shy or he was tired or he was just distracted by something else or thought i was avoiding him. because as established, I never did be vulnerable with how i felt. I often acted (and therefore communicated) the exact opposite. but my sensitivity to rejection and my fears and my pride did obscure my intuition that knew sexual tension when I felt it. but i never did trust how i felt.

i'm glad it came out so I could realise all this about myself but i don't think i can just. listen to it. not until this all gets resolved one day and i can look back at it and laugh. but some chances you don't get back. and the best i can do is be kind to myself. let myself feel the grief for it and for the child who didn't ever feel safe and then still get up and keep going. like in dancing with a broken heart--a song that though thematically similar, vibe-wise to me feels a lot healthier and a lot more something that I aspire to rather than that conceptually brings me back to an experience that is traumatic.

[ramblingvents]

Therapy ramble (discussion of suicidal ideation and aborted suicide attempt but ends with me talking about how I'm feeling more safe in treatment)

Man so I have the worst seasonal depression - it always starts in like September and goes on till roughly February. And I always have dissociation and suicidal ideation every single year so bad I genuinely don't remember a lot of it unless I read my journals from that time.

This has been happening since I was 10 and this year when I started therapy I decided that I was going to find someone trained in DBT (since that's one of the therapies that works for suicidal thoughts) and not lie or omit anything as much as possible.

And I've actually stuck to that pretty well. I have told my therapist when I feel suicidal, how much it escalates, any plans my brain comes up with, etc, when last year I was unwilling to even talk about it enough to make a safety plan.

It literally got to the point where I made an AITA for making a safety plan (in February) and telling my friends I'm suicidal (which I did tell one friend as a result even though I largely ignored the 99% of people telling me expressly to tell people).

I aborted an attempt last April when I was in a particularly dark place due to grief and life stuff.

I didn't tell anyone for 4 months and lied about any evidence of it and everyone close to me believed me. It was giving me serious PTSD flashbacks, especially when I was pretty isolated this summer, and also especially with my living arrangement as I'm in the same on-campus apartment, in the same room.

I forced myself to ask my therapist if it was something she could treat in the first session. Tried to make progress with ADHD, it didn't work out super well because the combo of meds making it so I couldn't sleep and lack of good habits. I missed assignments and got so overwhelmed I couldn't focus on them. So it got to mid-semester and ideation started again. And I contacted the crisis line and told my therapist. And I answered in detail when she asked what plans I had considered. So I've been talking to her about things that can help and letting her know when it's been worsening these past couple weeks. Wednesday I told her all I can remember of the previous aborted attempt.

Also this week, I talked to my doctor and she suggested starting Wellbutrin for ADHD because Adderall does help me focus but I have insomnia and the mood swings are pretty bad. Unfortunately one of the side effects of Wellbutrin is also suicidal thoughts (primarily because it gives you energy before giving you an elevated mood). So I tell my therapist this and she's like "okay you can give it a shot but I will do regular checkups for the next week". So that's what I've been doing now, while also trying to get energy to catch up on assignments and talking to both my academic affairs person and accomodations person.

And it's just really weird?!? I'm not used to being honest about it, I've spent half of my life finding ways to self-soothe and avoid telling my friends or parents. But I feel like talking about it and just reporting everything I feel with honesty is helping a lot. And having her be like "okay so here's stuff you should do, and you know this is situational/you've been through this before and gotten out of it" is also very helpful because it feels less like death is an objective truth I'm trying to deny and more like I'm trying to treat a chronic illness.

It's not "I'm suicidal and I'm awful for feeling that way and if I say anything I'll get hospitalized and worry people unnecessarily and I'm gonna feel like this for the rest of my life, so I need to either cope better or die right now" like it has been in the past it's more like "my brain very much wants to escape the current situation and I'm having a hard time finding a way through it/conceptualizing next steps. I haven't slept a lot and I've spent a lot of time alone this semester because my friends graduated and are now in another city which has worsened my mental health/ability to focus and emotionally regulate. There are things I can try that might help me feel better and improve the situation. I might not be able to do all of them and they may not all help but there are actions I can take and there are people I can go to for help, and trying to do that matters even if I don't end up liking the outcome."

I'm just really grateful to be able to be honest about it and actually get help. It feels like the first time I haven't been trying to deal with it alone.

[serenelysimple]

I'm convinced that everybody hates me.

An update for the past two years since I stopped posting here in 2022.

2022 - Intense relationship and personal doubts.

2023 - My job since 2020 started to do a face-to-face setup. It was actually fun and comfortable. I am anxious and have self-doubts to begin with. But I didn't realize how heavy it would feel to be talked about behind my back, and be called selfish. I was criticized for the way I managed the studio, and for taking my time to conceptualize and produce marketing assets. They said my designs were ugly. They said I spoke too slowly. I was called selfish for reflecting and expressing my feelings — about how my colleagues looked and treated me. I still managed to lead the scholars and produce a recital.

2024 - It was the same as 2023 but heavier since I needed to lead interns and new employees. My boss wanted me to focus on administrative work and was willing to replace me the day before my art classes, without orienting my lesson plan to the person who would replace me. I also managed to handle and lead another recital and art gallery and created the lesson plans. The teacher who replaced me earned twice more because she was assigned to teach the classes I planned, even though she did not follow most of them and didn't execute the techniques properly. I also resigned due to the unfair treatment during the summer classes and the days leading to it. They doubted and stepped on me. They didn't even raise my salary after the promotion. Now, they are thinking that I am just after the money, when in reality, I sacrificed a good freelancing career, and the possibility to try corporate jobs because I believed in their vision. I have been blinded by good words, despite being treated like shit.

Still, 2024 - After quitting my job at the studio, I got hired to a corporate work-from-home job. I'm still under probation until February 2025, which makes me anxious about the possibility that I will not be regularized because of how slowly I work on the marketing materials. Back in the studio, it was a bit easy but now, I have the skills but don't have enough speed to finish them.

I feel like I wasted four years. During those years, my classmates were already married, comfortable, traveling, receiving multiple awards, and so much more. At 29, I am still just beginning. And just when I thought I would be more independent and comfortable now that I had a new job, I suddenly got the responsibility of feeding 3 (my aunt, and two cousins) people passed on to me. They told me "help would be given", but I am the only person working my ass off to feed them and give them school materials. While I can't disclose why the responsibility of caring for them was passed on to me, I did not ask for it and was not ready.

I asked God many times, "Why do these things happen to me at times when I want to fix myself?"

I'm just trying to have a good day and have peaceful meals. I don't want to entertain traumatic stories daily because I wasn't involved in their problems and I have no idea who they are talking about anyway. Am I selfish for trying to protect myself, because absorbing someone's words and negative energy causes me stress? I'm feeling stressed because I have to step out of my comfort zone, deal with debts that I didn't cause, and ensure I stay composed for my new job.

And what if I really am not talented enough? Maybe I am not getting what I thought I deserved, because I am not really meant for it. Because I am just an average person. I don't work twice as hard as my classmates, so I don't have to expect that I would receive the same recognition that they are getting.

I'm convinced that everybody hates me from the people who blocked me to protect their peace, to being uninvited and not being considered. I understand that. I don't like myself either.

[empyreanemissary]

Moon: Archetypal Formation and Personal Basics, 26/3/24

Moon and Stars: An echoing, as all things are under my hands, of the interplay of God and Choir, Consciousness and Matter, Self and Body. I want to talk about both, but I'm starting with the Moon. These are personal thoughts and experiences and are probably not (as) useful to the audience (as they are for me), but I want to ramble and so I'm going to ramble. I'll put loose headings in-between thoughts so it's slightly more digestible

-

Sky Library:

The Moon is a representation of a keyhole into God, their coding, their edict, the original writing. This is a keyhole into the Sky Library. An entire practical system of scrying and otherwise looking into the Library could be drawn up about it, which I will do another time, but humans here seem to get close to the idea. There is a constant which is ever-changing, a scattering of informational shards of a single whole seen in the Moon and the Stars, constellations tell the story of the Truth as obscured by Separation, white light as obscured by the rainbow.

The Moon isn’t most deeply analogous to the Library in the way it’s a mirror, but in the way that it isn’t, the mirror comparison is more superficial. When you have a position far above something, you begin to see an entire dfferent world - think the mould versus the bacteria, the ocean versus the solar system.

Kingship:

It’s a symbol of kingship, as the city viewed from the God-King’s position, and as both Sun and Moon of approximately equal diameter in the sky orbiting at their own tempos. One hole is a literal doorway into the coding, the other is a doorway into the received coding; one is God’s doorway into existence, one is Man’s echoing of that doorway into existence. Both are held by the King, both are his eyes, both are held within him - he is that which holds the exuded and its mirroring, therefore holding life itself as it exists between polar points.

Mirror to Reality:

The Moon is something fashioned, muddled, an idol of the clay of reality created by God and given to their beings to sculpt and play with. The Moon is beaten, carved, torn around and apart, but every single line on its face and movement of its particles is just a tracking of the spatial-temporal movements of the cosmos. Every movement is just another form of perfection and another state of perfection for the moment it’s in. Like a mirror has a perfect surface for reflecting light, the Moon has at all times a perfect surface for reflecting all of reality in its spherical, gravitational, rough-perfect mirror form. “Perfect”, of course, is technically “near-perfect” given true perfection is chipped into by Free Will, but the word works.

Its silver substance lends well to its comparison to the mirror. Remember though, mirrors came after the Moon, and the Moon came after the concepts that would bring it into being.

Archetypal Moon:

The Moon has existed in conceptual form around me since before it began to exist, before it was pushed into the waters like the Sky Library was, detached and wretchedly, violently combined with flesh. The concepts (archetypes if you will, energy-coding if not) seen beforehand were:

The Soft Reflection:

Represented in the lingering admirer in the periphery of your existence; quiet, perhaps younger than you with a degree of innocence and youth-needing-age. An energy-coding or archetype of soft un-possessive-possessiveness, more grasping on to an ideal of another than said other themselves, the opposite to biting and possessive obsession. Willing servitude, following, the instincts in reality not of Cause and Effect’s brutal repossession of the environment but of the lingering moment before.

This is softness, the want in its most feather-light form, the shadow clinging on to the body yet never being felt, the favourite servant of the official whose name will never be known. Binding to duty, duty as love and pleasure, the loyal want to take possibilities into existence with the subject of one’s desire if initiated by the subject. Tracking possibility eternally without ever acting on it alone.

The Silver Haze:

Seen in a representation of the knowledge of all things - note I said “a representation”, there are many representations of this. Fog and mist-rain and rain, this is hives of silver points in existence, or rather hives of points that become silver in the interaction with “Light”, crystalline matrixes underlying every form just in various states of density and geometric precision. God’s eyes as Matter’s points, the separation of his children into “time out” corners so that they reflect and understand their own gravity and place in the world.

On the flip side, this is also the hivemind, the mass of everything as parts of one. This inspires the Moon as the head of the Stars, it’s the idea of one-in-whole. The monotone grey is symbolic of all as assimilated into one being to a point where it becomes conscious as a whole; Planes condense into beings, beings are masses of multitudes of things piloted by a unity.

The Clock Before Clocks:

There was, in my head, a winding snake of a thing before snakes existed, sort of like a hand of an analogue clock that did its own thing. This was a single black thread impulse through pulsing light - pulsing not in the way of changing colours or brightness but existing in and as intense waves. The black thread moves seemingly of its own accord, or at least it did at the time, its movements are akin to chaos systems of connected pendulums or the weather. It always has an element that can’t be predicted, akin to free will.

This is time as fluctuation and witnessing, but witnessing in the way that it is self-referential and contained within something in a submissive way. Submissive: relaxing, meditatively experiencing being itself and being contained. It moves, but it alway moves in reference to its surroundings like a contained wave machine in a laboratory. The reverberation of quartz would be tied back to this when the quartz is contained in something else.

The Crystalline Light:

Seen as an alluring dancing of facets of a clear crystal, each reflecting colours and light in its own way. It is both clear and coloured - the colours are not lightly reflected, the clarity is not impaired by colour. This is about receptivity and recreation on a spectrum between (and beyond) the curious child given a colourful puzzle toy and the lover bringing you into the bedroom to create something new with her own internal life coding system.

This is internal structures of intelligence in the way of the pillars of a flood tunnel. It is not intelligence, not even artificially, but instead the matrix of the system that allows intelligence to exist, like a specific set of beginning blueprints used in every manifestation of intelligence.

The Air Lake:

An expansive lake of a size that would be envied by the Great Lakes, but its constituents are gaseous, not liquid. Really, they’re aetheric, the electric buzz bonding together singular aetheric orbs of points. It is seen through the buzz, through its cohesion, as the “orbs” are invisible and intangible.

Gravitational pulls, the ebb and flow of the tides, effect in motion. Where the crystalline light acts as a matrix for intelligence, this would be, metaphorically, the action of intelligence itself as it bounces around - if it were about intelligence. This is the movement of the ocean, like a ghostly presence and replication of something there long ago, except it precedes the ocean.

The Calculator:

Like a switched-off calculator, something that contains within it - and exists for - the ability to calculate. This ties the Moon to astrology, but in itself it acts as something that keeps the tempo of gravitational fluctuations and waves emanating from the Earth like a baby monitor left beside the cot. It acts as an eye, yes, but it holds the capacity to act like an eye and that is this coding. It has the ability to sustain calculation and transformation of Cause to Effect, which means it is ripe to act as a sensory organ.

The Open Field:

Seen as a field so bathed in soft sunlight that it becomes more blurred than just hazy, pale greens of pea and cream soup. The sky blurs into the field, all becoming monotonous opaque substance like the Day is. This is the interplay of the Sky and the Land, zig-zagging. The archetype of the cohesion of a body into a self though is different from the SELF archetype - this is more comparable to the brain if the SELF archetype is the minds arising as the functionings of the brain.

Magnetism, seen in the locked dance between Moon and Earth as it stays in relative place. Blurring, connection, locked in, the moment an upwards-flying object slows and stops to turn and be pulled by gravity down. Possession of Objective by Subjective, hypnotism of reality by consciousness, the invoking of the Oneness as a function of God-Self. The Moon is both entrancing and entranced, chained to the Sun, the Earth, and yet also is that chaining and invokes that chaining in others like polymers.

This archetype is tied to life, more so it is the tying to life, most accurately: life’s tying. Systems of interplay between systems of interplays, the underlying cohesion of these forms that changes something from a mimickry of a self to a self.

Of course, it's not just these things in the Moon. Everything is in the Moon like everything is in everything, but this is part of what called me to it before it was even created. I’ll possibly add more later. Maybe not.

Stand-in:

It acts as a stand-in for the Authority of the Sky, a gentle cohesion for the web akin to asking someone to hold the strings of your lace weaving while you leave the room. The Sun is the authoritative stand-in for God-Kingship, something which doesn't continue the metaphorical process of weaving but instead exudes the power and coding itself, but we'll get to that whenever I talk about the Sun. The comparison is what matters.

The Moon is a centre of reflection, like a mirror placed on a hedged driveway it allows the look both out and in. Divinity’s workings can be glimpsed in it, but so can divinity glimpse you through it. This, of course, is not talking about the feeling of sacredness, or you-seeing-gods-seeing-you, as much as that’s a valid function. No, I’m talking about archetypal and subtle forces being tied to both sides of it. Gods with eyes in the subtle see through it, and they see encoded writings of your existence. Humans brush on topics of astrology and Moon scrying, it goes both ways.

[probablynotnothing]

Acting as if I'm safe

Daydreaming exercise -

If I acted as if I'm safe - without diving down the rabbit holes of questioning how do I have certainty - then how would I act?

This knowing is important for me to have because it shapes my sacred imagination and conceptualization of who I am, how I can relate to other people to feel safe and understand my needs so I can communicate compassionately and accurately. The knowing of who I am when I feel safe is also important for my imagination to begin to carry a dominant narrative and subtext that it's safe for me to be in the world.

I wonder, who am I when I am safe? What is my personality when my guard is down and I feel loved, cared for, needed, and that I belong because I can give back something that is valued?

Off the top of my head, I think if I feel safe, I smile a bit less. Simply because I experience a lot of tension, both emotional and physical, when I put a lot of energy into smiling.

I think I would be more direct with people and verbally tell them I need some time to breathe or think.

If I felt safe, I would be more in tune with pertinent questions to ask people, to communicate I am thinking about their safety also and ways I may be able to support their wellbeing.

If I felt safe, I would be less tense in my body, and more focused on talking about things I can admit that I find inspiring, encouraging, and beautiful.

Not feeling safe causes me to look for errors and dangers. Not feeling safe causes me to dissect why I like things and thinking how to explain myself to people in imaginary scenarios, instead of just enjoying the things.

Sometimes it works to use an affirmation that I do feel safe. Other times, I am experiencing unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and using the narrative that "I don't feel safe" helps me to rise above fear and take self-care steps to lessen my symptoms and embrace other strategies, habits or mindsets that do help me feel safe.

I've heard the term "mindfulness" for years, but it's only lately that I'm really latching on to that word as a key reminder of what will nurture me and provide a guide when I'm lost in fear or pain.

For me, I can prevent or calm down a panic attack by using these mindfulness cues. Especially if I am feeling vague fearful emotions without an apparent cause, it helps me to:

Assert what I am experiencing is normal, and it's part of a wider spectrum of normal and healthy human experiences.

Assert I am safe, and no matter what happens I am always safe and loved. Assert that I deserve rest and to be comfortable and tended for in whatever ways I can imagine would feel nurturing and cozy.

Turn my vague feelings of fear into words by saying "Right now I am having the thoughts that I should feel afraid because ______. But I actually am safe and don't need to feel afraid. Thank you mind for trying to alert me to a potential danger, I hear you, and you can relax because we are safe". Observe my thoughts from an outsider perspective, that I see them floating down the river of my mind. Say "I wonder what thought I'll have next?"

Assert that what I'm experiencing is a normal part of being human, given the point in history I'm living, and given my upbringing and the philosophies, resources and habits I had access to which formed me.

Have compassion that sometimes I simply experience fear or pain because I am a bit injured and need space and time to recover, which often includes rebuilding a new way to understand myself, other people, and how I can best understand myself in the world and relate to people in order to get my financial, social, emotional, mental and physical needs met according to my present advantages and disadvantages.

I'm still learning about mindfulness and what cognitive processing skills work for me best, in order to help manage my mental health.

[thepowerisyouth]

Love the midnight rants. Same energy here lol.

I want to point out (purely for adding evidence to my new proof I'm working on), that these internal struggles are an important question I'm trying to work out in my philosophy.

And I know conceptual discussions about 'Good' and 'Evil' arent much fun, but I really do think that all of these issues you are talking about can be fully reconciled in the head by my philosophical frame work for tackling these internal struggles. Not every answer. But I think some peace can be found

And also that our conclusions are totally the same. I.e "Goddamn this world sucks. I feel like I dont suck but the world makes me suck."

I want to specifically bring that thing you said about sexuality into my framework. I havent written much about it.

I am an extremely private person. Or... I thought I was? Turns out, I think the way my philosophy teaches me about myself is that my own privacy issues are just inherently issues with capitalism. And that in a socialist society which (I need to add this only because of common perception) values bodily autonomy as a fundamental right-- every person would probably be as minimally private as one can be without removing what is defined as the absolute rule of bodily autonomy.

The evidence for this notion is that when a person (as in both of us as least seem to have done this), leaves a group which acts more capitalist, and joins a group which acts more socialist-- they seem to become a less and less private person, over time, within just that group

Its almost as if privacy can be likened to shame, repression. All these feelings seem one & the same to me under this philosophical framework.

2-12-24 00:33 - Nuances that won't stop annoying me tonight

This is personal opinions and should be taken as potentially garbage. I don't particularly have as a vice that need to always be right about things, much less authoritative. I'm just getting these out in writing because they're bothering me a lot.

The oversexualization of trans women is definitely a thing, we are not sexual just for existing. But as a... non-passing trans woman with moral scrupulosity OCD and a high libido, I don't particularly like being admonished not to... speak really sexily, I guess. It's difficult for me to do so at all, and is not made easier by admonishing me for... for talking about it. I don't... talk a lot about it, especially not here, I figure folks wouldn't necessarily be comfortable with it, so I have this really sparse sideblog devoted to sexy stuff but I just. don't engage with it much because I'm afraid of myself, for no good reasons. ... My dash is full of trans people, women and men and neither and both, sex workers and just plain libertines, who are sexy and allow themselves to be sexy, and I am grateful for that. It's difficult to talk to others about sex for me. I don't think by being openly sexual and horny I am contributing to my own oppression. And I do have transmasc friends who do talk sexy with me, and others who do not, depending in no small part on their interests and our established rapport. Iunno. It just feels bad being admonished for... being horny and wanting to be sexualized a bit. A bit. Respectfully, or a particular kind of disrespectfully with a lotta aftercare. It's hard to come by. uh, so to speak.

Vote, vote, vote, you gotta vote, if you don't vote you're giving up your only power to change things, vote vote vote if you don't vote you're as bad as Hitler, in a race between Mussolini and Hitler I'd be very concerned if you didn't vote for Mussolini, yadda yadda yadda, HOLY SHIT how do you people do it. I get it kinda, the idea that voting for one genocidal piece of work is maybe a little better than voting for the other, but... when you put that pen to paper or however you do it, how do you not feel hesitation? Sickness? How does it not plague you? How do you not feel just a little complicit? I'm not saying don't! I don't actually have an opinion on that. Maybe I should have an opinion on that. But do you just... fill in that arrow or bubble and say "I did a good thing"? or something? That man who still owes me over a thousand dollars that I could really use right now because we are homeless is personally responsible for countless dead Palestinians right now, and I know that Trump would have done the same, perhaps worse, but -- but voting for him makes me feel like I'm condoning it, worse it makes me feel like I am personally a little responsible for him being there to do this. And not just this. The expansion of the pipelines, the -- shit I don't even remember any of the good or bad he's done right now, just the continuing construction of the border wall, just the fuckin' shit he's doing to indigenous peoples all over the world including here in the States. I know, I know, Trump would do it too and prolly worse I don't care because what bothers me is the endorsement, the filling in the little arrow bubble thing that says Yes Daddy Go For It Kill In My Name. It's directly contributing to someone being in that genocidal seat doing genocidal things! It's pulling the lever on the fucking trolley track to hit what I hope is fewer than five people but it never is. It never is. It's five people on either side of the track, and if I don't pull the lever, I am not personally responsible for turning the trolley to kill *those* five people, and it really does take something out of me. It inflicts moral fucking injury on me to ... to say Yeah This One Not The Other One. I'm not doing enough. I don't know how to do enough. I am self-isolating because I may have COVID and be asymptomatic, but I can't really self-isolate because we are in a homeless shelter that consists of little Pallet-branded pods and I am inflicting the same poverty traumas on my kid that I had growing up and they're gonna grow up as fucked up as I am and that may literally kill them. I feel like I am killing my child. I am sending them to school during a fucking pandemic that's killing thousands a day. I just don't know how to do the right thing. I know it involves direct action, but every time I try to do that, my whole brain screams and freezes up because it always goes so wrong, nobody likes me, they see how I fidget and how I speak out against useless gossip (I now know particularly what bothers me is what's called lashon hara), they see me trying to volunteer for tasks like cleaning or bean-counting and call me toxic. I know I must be doing things wrong, I know I must be. But they never agree on what. It's always something different. My presence is disruptive, I can't help anybody, I can't help myself, I can't help my family, I can't I can't talk about sex, I can't talk about how much it hurts to pretend for a moment to support genocide, I can't talk about being so poor that our whole worldly possessions are about to go up for auction including every possession my child owns because it's *venting*, I can't talk about my childhood even when I think I'm telling a funny story because it's *venting*, I can't do anything without causing someone some injury and I don't know what to do about it. Um. Maybe ignore everything I just wrote. I just needed to get it off my chest. Please forgive me for putting this out there. I need to, but you don't need to care. There's an artist in the Philippines I'm rather fond of, maybe go check out his work.

Location: Pallet shelter in the PNW, using mobile hotspot and laptop (Breq)

Music: Blues Run The Game, cover by Simon & Garfunkle

[gojira007]

Hey! Any tips for an artist who is new to writing? I've been itching to try my hand at writing stuff for my Sonic / Metroid AU, but I feel like I've been overthinking things and am not sure how to direct a plot.

I'm flattered you thought to ask me this, sincerely! Sorry I left it sitting in my inbox for a bit, but it's been a somewhat hectic month for me XD;  I also really wanted to make sure that I gave you the very best advice I could, so, all too fittingly, I turned to Queen of Pen and Paper herself, @sally-mun​, to help me nail it down just right!  I really appreciate her help.  And now, without further adieu….

 To start with, one of the most important questions you can ask yourself as a writer is "why".  Not just in a Logic sort of sense like World-Building, but in a "why THIS story with THESE characters?" sense.  “Why is X Character Taking Y Action?”  “Why this scene at this time?”  “Why do we care?”  Because the thing is, your READERS will end up asking these questions too, and asking yourself “why” throughout your process is how you help to craft a story that gives answers to those “why”s in a satisfying way.  To be clear, that doesn’t mean you have to get hung up on every last little detail; some things are better left unsaid or implied.  But the important stuff?  What motivates your characters, what shapes your story?  Those answers, you need to make sure are included in the story.

So this is a drum that @sally-mun beats a lot and which I myself have learned to advocate for: Outlines are your friends!  Do not be afraid to lay things out in a non-narrative format before you really start delving into the actual Writing of the story!  It is, in fact, a great way for you to achieve a lot of the goals/tips we’re talking about here without necessarily having to expend all the effort and energy that goes into Properly Writing A Story, with the added benefit of helping you keep your thoughts straight without having to simply rely on Memory.  That's not to say it's a no-effort short-cut, just that it is in fact a good way to really test out your ideas and give yourself the strongest guidelines for what the story itself will be before you commit to The Full Press, so to speak.  HOWEVER…   

…outlines can, do, and indeed should change over time!  Don't get too rigid in your planning.  Having some sense of where you're going is good, especially if there are any particular Themes or Emotions you're looking to tap into, but you can often surprise yourself with how a thing plays out once you write it VS. what it looked like when you conceptualized it in your head, and being willing to play off of the Actual Writing instead of holding too tightly to that original plan can often lead you to even better places     than you initially planned.  Keeping an outline can thus be a useful way for you to respond to those changes, a means of Going Back To The Drawing Board rather than having to Reset to Zero every time your story surprises you.

I've personally found a good way to pass the smell test of "is this     working?" is to try and look at it from an Audience Perspective. That is to say, if you were the person reading this story, how would you like this choice in how the story advances or the style in which it's been     rendered?  Getting outside of your own head like that, in my experience, can really help put things in perspective, and help you to re-evaluate     whether the story is shaking out in a way you like, even if it isn't necessarily in the way you planned. Admittedly, this can be a lot easier said than done, so a helpful way to get that Outside Your Head point of view is in reaching out to Test Readers to get their feedback, preferably one who doesn’t have a lot if any pre-existing information about your story so as to keep their viewpoint more objective.  Over time, you might learn to better take that role on for yourself, but even if you do, Test Readers can still be very helpful, and maybe more importantly, even if you don’t, there’s no shame in continuing to use Test Readers, ever.  

Lastly, especially if you're just starting out, don't be too harsh on yourself about things like, say, Word Repetition or Grammar.  Be mindful of those     things as best you know how, sure, but at least in terms of just getting     something down, I personally have found it more beneficial to just Do and then go back and see if you can clean it up on a Technical Level later, because something tangible and on the page is usually more helpful to making Forward Progress than The Idea In Your Head.  Indeed, something to keep in mind is that writing and editing are ultimately two distinct processes; it’s common among early writers to try and do both at once, but this can ultimately lead to things just getting locked up.  Editing is best remembered as the thing you do after writing.

[writingandmore]

Hi!!! May I get a HP, Star Wars, Voltron, and Disney matchup?

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, muggleborn Ravenclaw (with Gryffindor tendencies), and my patronus spirit is Hummingbird. Biromantic Pansexual Genderfluid woman using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. Cherubic-like face, with short height (5'1") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has chic messy/wavy brunette medium hair that reaches to my shoulder, oriental skin, slightly upturned eyes, small lashes, chocolate brown irises, cute flat nose, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a small beauty mark on the forehead, and naturally straight teeth with tiny gap in front (just imagine that it's a mixture of Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲---cause' my friend told me that I kinda look like them). My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam, I sometimes let my hair down or styled like Lara Croft reboot.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and timid at first making people thought I'm a demure, modest, and self-effacing that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind" (due to my protective mom, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis---like my happiness is too shallow, super talkative, eats a lot (yeah I can finish a huge slice of cake or a meal in one sitting), awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly gets bruises from hitting, bumping my head somewhere, walking into something on my way, and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself but can be awkward to strangers. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

The extent, I'm expressive, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations---I simply can't stop proving myself too much because I'm a survivor of bullying. But I still managed to be stronger than ever after I stumbled, even it's a slow burn process. I can be blunt, intimidating, harsh, and a douchebag if I receive ends or I got interrupted while doing something. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, forgetful, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic youth, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Rowdy and feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will make fun of your stupidity (in a good way) before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic and cheeky (makes banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment, but gets annoyed if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle and different way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, milk tea, singing at the karaoke, cartoons, iced coffee, memes, cute things, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, poetry, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes Catholic songs, kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, thunder and lightning, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. If I found out that someone hates or backstabbing or being rude to me, I won't hesitate to throw offensive criticisms, leaving them with a "I don't give a f" attitude. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity, worse scenarios in real life, and how terrible is my love life from unrequited feelings that I got, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family (it sucks that some people I knew assumed that the reason why I'm overly unaware that someone is interested in me in secret, is I have "high standards" looking for a partner, but the truth is I'm strict and I have a personal preferences...I know my worth and I don't want settle for less!) and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some, sounds too hypocritical, like as if you're a morally good person.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 + 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗦

My love languages are quality time and gift giving, but I actually swoon over physical touch (especially cuddles and cute kisses) and words of affirmation when it comes to having a partner, though I get attracted so easily, matured but can be a goofy person who's nice, friendly, kind-hearted, loving, faithful, and excels in academics is my cup of tea. Whenever I have a real life crush (which is rare), I act the same but deep inside, my heart is about to explode and will eventually share to my trustful friends how I highly admire that person, however if they spilled the beans out, I'll obviously deny it and will cry if they like someone else, it will take some time for me to move on, now I don't care for them anymore.

Best Friends to Lovers is my ideal trope because I find it very cute since you already knew each other before dating (which happened to my 2nd cousin, she married her best friend!)---perfect balance for romance, laughters, comfort, and tears when it comes to sharing your vibes, being there through thick and thin, safe with embraces, and helping each other to grow.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗦

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, oratorical skills and I have potential in hosting...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, speaker, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader).

May sounds different but I'm passionate for helping people through my talents and sharing my story to inspire everyone. I may look selfish, but I have a different way on how I show that I actually care also I have a biased sentimental value

Currently a college freshman, learning how to cook. I have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

HP: Remus!

- Remus is also quiet and a bit reserved when he's not in a familiar situation, so your own first impression on him would be a good one, as you'd seem similar to his own personality. He's sweet and is able to start up a conversation if he notices the other person is having a hard time doing so, so hopefully he'd be able to bring out your more extroverted and friendly self after a while so he can be around the more open you. He wouldn't mind you being a bit awkward-he's very much the same way-honestly, the comradery that would come from that would be more positive than anything else. He loves sharing knowledge and learning about new things, so your eagerness to talk about what you know would work really well also! He does a lot better when he knows someone has his back too, so your extra supportive nature would endear him to you as well.

SW: Han!

- Your nicer and more helpful personality would balance out Han's more standoffish vibes when first meeting. You might get on his nerves a bit first, but you'd quickly grown on him and, in turn, make him a bit of a better person. Your ability to be blunt and a bit harsh would serve you well if you ever needed to stand your ground on an issue that two of you have, as he can be quite stubborn.

VLD: Lance!

- Lance can be a bit immature from time to time as well, especially when it comes to trying to be funny or cheering up those around him-he's also headstrong and typically firm in what he wants to do, so your own determined personality would attract him to you a lot as well. He often puts off things he needs to do if they make him anxious too, but if you both recognize that you share that problem, helping each other might be a good solution!

Disney: Flynn!

- Flynn is quite a sarcastic and teasing person, so your own humor would match well with his. He's also quite a hopeless romantic as well, even though he's certainly not one to admit that right off the bat. He enjoys singing, and as he gets closer to someone he feels more comfortable doing so in front of them, so a partner he's been with for a long time would get to see him be more and more open with it. That also applies to activities like dancing.

[oneboxofmatches]

Hi!!! May I request a HP romantic and friendship matchup on both eras? (Preferably male), thanks in advance! 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, Ravenclaw, and my patronus spirit is swan. Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY clumsy, secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over any wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, sarcastic person with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no. 1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), and will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "idealistic" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic crybaby filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive or I might break a belonging due to my carelessness). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams) 𝖺𝗇𝖽 what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will act like a silent backstabber on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), still generous and concerned in a subtle way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 making corniest jokes/puns, 𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD).

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, eating a lot, cartoons, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and writings, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity and worse scenarios in real life, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some are too hypocritical.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader). Currently an incoming college freshman, learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Thank you so, so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun with this one (as you can tell by some of the really long answers lol) and I hope you enjoy!!

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

CEDRIC DIGGORY

One of the most beautiful things about Cedric is that although he may show some introverted tendencies, he still manages to have a natural gift for connecting to others and allowing them to feel comfortable enough to open up. Really, your initial distance and shyness don't last nearly as long towards Cedric as they would with most other people.

Hearing your laughter brings the widest, cheesiest grin to Cedric’s face. Not only does he adore seeing you happy, but he also recognizes that your anxiety, insecurities, and strong emotions can sometimes cloud up your demeanor. Therefore, it brings him comfort knowing that (for the moment) you’re finding joy. He thrives when you thrive!

However, as much as he loves seeing your more energetic and happier self, it goes without saying that he’s the best comfort for when you’re not having the best day.

Cedric is an excellent listener, so he’ll most likely let you talk without interruption for as long as you need before even saying a word. He wants to make sure he truly understands your current state before acting. He may take a few seconds to process everything after you finish speaking, but then he’ll help you tackle whatever problems you’re facing. He’s especially talented at giving words of affirmation.

Cedric’s listening also comes in handy whenever you talk about your interests! He genuinely loves hearing about the things you’re interested in solely for the fact that you’re interested in them. Side note: you can count on him to be at any music performances, pageants, etc. you may have -- this guy is truly your #1 supporter.

Cedric’s a very good student (though I suspect he’s somewhat of a procrastinator himself), so I can also see you two supporting each other through schoolwork and celebrating each other’s successes.

Like you, Cedric has a strong urge to do the right thing. Talking to him about social issues stirs up a need to help, and I could see you two doing volunteer work together in your spare time.

I like to believe one of Cedric’s biggest love languages is quality time. Don’t get me wrong, this guy loves staying involved and busy. But taking a couple hours to be with you in small ways (even if that means just being in the same room while you scroll through social media) gives him a nice balance.

Overall, this kind boy will be there unwaveringly through the bad times and will laugh just as loud as you through the good!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD

You wanna talk about the best conversations, relentless support, and overall the most wholesome friendship you could ask for? Luna’s your girl.

Being unashamed to be true to yourself is one of the biggest reasons why Luna is so drawn to you. While she’s very friendly and insightful towards everyone she meets, it can get a bit repetitive for her to constantly interact with people who try to shelter their unique characteristics from the world. In her mind, these unique characteristics are what make people so fascinating! Why should anyone hide who they are?

Luna’s creativity is endless, and I can see it blending well with yours. Collaborating on a personal project outside of school (ex: novel, blog, etc.) together is definitely something I could see you two doing.

Speaking of creativity, finding creative solutions to everyday problems (both in school and in life) is your specialty as friends.

Admittedly, Luna isn’t usually drawn to louder individuals. However, the complexity behind your personality makes it easier for her to know you are much more than what meets the eye.

Speaking of, Luna has a difficult time standing up for herself -- whether it’s because she doesn’t feel a need to or she just doesn’t recognize the meaning behind certain phrases. She NEEDS a friend like you to stand up for her sometimes, and I know you wouldn’t hesitate!

Ranting to Luna is therapeutic to say the least. While her aloofness at times may make it seem as if she isn’t fully paying attention, that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s actually catching every word, and once you’re done she’ll leave you with a philosophical solution that may seem borderline insane/irrelevant when you first hear it, but it strangely makes sense.

Overall, the lack of judgment from either of you is what draws you together. As a result, you build a unique bond that couldn’t be broken even if either of you wanted it to.

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

Let’s be honest, it would take you two so long to ask each other out. You were probably already really close friends, but the insecurities and “what if?” questions from both of you delayed an actual relationship.

When you finally started dating, you were both so relieved. You still share a laugh at how almost nothing changed in the way you interacted with each other.

While with mutual friends, Remus sometimes likes to sit back and just watch you, especially when you get really talkative because this is when you become the most expressive. He has the softest smile when you’re actively cracking jokes, discussing something you’re passionate about, or even calling someone out. Sometimes you may be too distracted to notice, but other times you’ll catch him.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” (While that same soft smile never leaves his face.)

You both hold really high standards for yourself in terms of school, so expect late-night study/work sessions to be your best bet for quality time.

Though the occasional instance of walking through/lying on the grounds becomes a favorite for both of you.

Remus listens when you’re particularly struggling through anxiety or strong emotions, but he has to consciously stop himself from interrupting because he can’t stand how he feels knowing you’re going through a tough time.

All he wants to do is soothe you during these moments. If you’re comfortable, he’ll hold you while speaking to you in a soft voice. Remus, the intellectual that he is, is also your best chance at finding a reasonable solution. So if you're not in the mood for calming words, he's also a great person to turn to for answers.

As for your ambitions, no matter what you choose to pursue, you already know Remus is going to be your biggest source of support every step of the way. He’s more than happy to help in any way he can!

Overall, Remus appreciates you, and he’s always going to make sure you know it.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

Lily especially connects to you because you manage to be determined, competitive, and intelligent without sacrificing your kindness, which is something she can relate to.

You and Lily are the C.E.O.s of doing the right thing. Neither of you hesitates to back the other up when it comes to confronting someone because you know it’s justified.

As perceptive as Lily is, you never need to tell her when something is bothering you. All it takes is a quick glance before she puts whatever she’s doing on hold to check in with you.

The reverse works as well. Typically, Lily really doesn’t internally struggle too much, and when she does she tries to hide it. You’re one of the only people who can see right through whatever she tries to pull.

The constant banter between you two is unmatched, but you both know it's because you really care about each other.

Overall, you and Lily have each other’s backs through anything, even when the other isn’t actively asking for help.