#when considered in relation to their relationship with the truth/the Dark/reality

[avicinda]

you know, maybe you have a point on avicinda/chigda.

Avicinda's inability to fully accept the death of the Wishing One, a belief passed along by the weight of his family's legacy. the deep-seated need to have someone, something, a symbol, to protect and devote his everything to. waiting tirelessly for the day the Wishing One returns and calls upon him and no one else to serve.

Chigda's willingness to manipulate all of that. To bind Avicinda to his will, to make himself Avicinda's god. Chigda cares about no one but himself, but maybe...maybe there's a tiny spark somewhere in there that enjoys having Avicinda at his side...but not quite in the way Avicinda might believe. was he not envious of the way Kuroda was so beloved by those around them? so here's the fervent devotion Avicinda has for him, that he can tighten like a leash as much as he wants and Avicinda will never complain or question it. To do so would be to blaspheme against his new god.

let Avicinda feel chosen. give him crumbs of an affection that would be genuine were they from a true and benevolent god. Keep him half-blind (heh!) to the truth of Chigda's new nature intertwined with the dark. this is why he will sacrifice everything and everyone for Chigda.

Is any of this not love, too?

[agapewizard]

➝ Ignorance and Nescience: The CONTEXT of Not Knowing. 🧩

Ignorance and nescience may be considered the same, but when looking at the core etymology of each word, we discover that they mean two different things.

Nescience: From the latin verb nesciere: "to not know because knowledge was absent or unattainable."

Ignorance: From the latin verb ignorare: "to not know even though necessary information is present, because that information has been willfully refused or disregarded."

Ignore: To refuse to pay attention to; disregard Synonyms: snub, brush aside, brush off, discount, dismiss, neglect, pay no attention to, overlook, pass over, shut your eyes to, turn a blind eye to

Ignorant: Lacking education or knowledge. Synonyms: unaware, unlearned, uneducated, unknowing, unknowledgeable, unread

Nescience: 1. Absence of knowledge or awareness; ignorance. 2. Agnosticism.

agnostic (n.)- from Greek agnostos “unknown, unknowable,” from a- “not” + gnostos “(to be) known”

Ignore is related to ignorant with respect to not paying attention to something you know is there, you lack knowledge of it due to having ignored it while others did not ignore it and therefore are not ignorant of a particular aspect of knowledge. It is based on lack of existing knowledge available, or not (un-) something such as unlearned, uneducated, unknowledgeable, etc. Nescience is a not knowing something that differs from ignorance because it is an absence of it in your available surroundings or experience. The knowledge has not yet been uncovered for it to be available for others to assimilate and propagate. Agnosticism is referenced as to mean to not being able to know or not know something because it is not in your reach or availability to know it, you just don’t know about it at all. It is ‘not’ + ‘to be known’, no one knows about it.

Ignorance is based on a refusal to look at, a willful disregard, turning a blind eye, etc., while nescience is an absence of it accessible to even be capable to see and integrate it as something known. The knowledge we currently have access to is available if we reach out and take it. Yet, some choose not to know, we don’t want to know, we don’t want to see the ugliness of what the truth has become from our descent in consciousness. We have a choice in what we pay attention to.

The difference between nescience and ignorance can be demonstrated through the concept of evil existing or not. In a reality where there would be an innocence of no evil it would be an experience of nescience of evil because there would be no evil action done by anyone and therefore no evil around for them to know that evil exists and therefore evil would not exist because evil would not be manifested through actions and behaviors to recognize that evil exists. In our reality we are currently manifesting our consciousness in forms of wrongdoings and evil that permeates all around us, yet people choose to be willfully ignorant of this evil. There is a difference between nescience of evil and ignorance of evil.

There is a responsibility associated with understanding principles of truth: courage and willingness to express the truth fearlessly to others by speaking it into existence for others to understand. Presenting information that a friend, family member or other person may not be willing to look at (ignorance) can create oppositional relationships or circumstances, controversy and make things uncomfortable, but that is what happens when the light of truth shines on those trapped in dark modalities of consciousness. Ignoring truth, is ignoring reality, what ‘is’ and therefore existence. Ignoring truth is ignoring ourselves. People who don’t want to look at, acknowledge or talk about truth are ignoring themselves and their own experience.

This is an issue on multidimensional levels, from the material to the spiritual. All is interconnected. Something that wants to be hidden is put in plain view. It's right in your face if you know where to look. To understand the control system is to understand the Luciferian connection. To defeat this control system the occult needs to be recognised by everybody. And so like a horse with blinkers, if you can’t understand what is in front of you then you are not going to understand what is happening to you. We cannot ignore the Occult because we think it negative. It is not. It is information about how the universe, the human psyche, and natural law work. The word Occult simply means hidden from sight,something obscured. But when people hear this word negative connotations and misconceptions come with it. Occult is derived from the Latin noun oculus which means eye, and from the Latin verb ocultare which means hidden from sight. This knowledge of ourselves and how we function has been taken out of the general circulation of humanity and has been reserved for the elect few who have guarded it for selfish usage. This has created a power differential in society. How we use that knowledge makes it either good or bad. The usages can be for order and goodness, love and freedom, or for the wielding of power to gain differential advantage to create chaos and evil. The latter has been used. We need to look at the negative to understand the strategies that have been used, to understand what’s happening to us so we can be in a position to do something about it. The manipulators, who understand the positive aspects of this knowledge, wilfully choose to use it as a weapon against those not in the know, by continuing to occult it. When the manipulation tactics are known, it becomes common sense knowledge and only then will humanity ever be free. When we de-occult this knowledge, the occult is no longer the occult. It is brought out into the light of day.

Ignorance, Ignorance is the mother of all evil.

Ignorance will eventuate in death, because those who come from ignorance neither were nor are nor will be.

But those who are in the truth will be perfect when all the truth is revealed.

For truth is like ignorance: while hidden it rests in itself, but when revealed and recognized, it is praised in that it is stronger than ignorance and error.

It gives freedom. The word said, “If you know the truth, the truth will make you free.” Ignorance is a slave, knowledge is freedom.

If we know the truth, we shall find the fruits of the truth within us.

If we join it, it will fulfill us.

[shadowydinosaurprince]

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[xxcarelessparker]

☆ﾟ.*・ ◞ damian hardung / cis man / german decent caucasian/ / he/him ——— is that cole parker on bourbon street ? the 22  year old dark siphoner who stays in the bywater ? i heard their biological parents are kai parker and katherine pierce. they are notoriously known for being charming and astute but also coldhearted and vindictive. which is probably why they are considered the backstabber around town.  i wonder if they had their tarot cards reading, yet? either way, the cards on the table will reveal their fate soon enough.

QUOTE.

" if i'm not a saint ;; then i must be a sinner. "

AESTHETIC.

punched walls, bloodied knuckles, shattered heritage, generational curse , clench first, starting at the boiling point, wild thoughts, hidden dreams !

GENEREAL DETIALS.

full name — cole parker . / name meaning —warthy, coal-black, charcoal / nickname — n/a . / age —22 . / gender — cis male. / pronouns — he/him. / sexual preference — heterosexual. / species — demon/siphoner. / neighborhood — bywater. / college — lafaya college. / occupation — campus dealer. hang out — campus. dark allies , masquerade club, bywater tavern.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim — damian hardung . / hair color and length — dark blonde, low cut. / eye color — blue. / height — 5'11 (180.339cm)./ tattoos— n/a. piercings —n/a. /clothing style — casual.

PERSONALTY.

label — the backstabbers. / positive traits — charming, astute . / negative traits — calculative, vindictive zodiac sign — pisces. / tarot card — the devil alignment — unlawfully neutral.

FAMILY.

mother — katherine pierce (petrova)./ father — kai parker./ siblings — tobias, dominic (deceased twin - wanted connection), open./ related to — the parker/saltzman family./

BACKGROUND.

trigger warning: drugs, mentions of death.

cole parker is charming young male who is considered for lack of a better term a “bad boy”. he is fiercely loyal, but he is also wild, unforgiving and calculative. he is a twin, and often feels the burden to protect or defend his family, and can be vindictive when tested. he is unbothered by his mother and fathers past and is used to the judgement often being called a backstabber, or a false witch by those who hate what he is because of his connection to the dark magic and his ability to siphon. at one point cole was getting ready to graduate with a degree in a field that he was passionate about, but after his family received news of his twin's death, cole dropped out to be with his family.

cole swore he is fine. but in truth the male hid his grief as months passed, although, he was always on the verge of throwing a fist into the noses of the poor soul who was caught staring at him with those "poor you" eyes. despite the rage, and the grief he refuse to acknowledge his loss. he had never learned how to be a good brother and that haunts him. cole is inherently detached and find it hard to show humanity to those who is not family . his distrust for others he crosses is so that he can be free of disappointment or any failed expectation -- but in reality, the detach facade is just that. In truth, cole fears that if he lets himself get comfortable, plant roots and allow himself to be happy, it will be ripped away from him. which is why he lacks the ability to stay in a relationship.

WANTED CONNECTION

dominic parker – twin brother. without a doubt, cole paker despised his twin. cole always tried to be there for his twin, but dominic was more witch than demon . cole rarely showed love to dominic for that fact, but nonetheless he was somewhat protective when it came to his twin. after finding out about his brothers death, he became more hardened and careless. never really recovering from the aftermath. faceclaim: danny griffin.

miles blackstone – close friend. cole is the same age as miles and they have known each other since grad school . cole doesn't consider many people his friends, but his closest companion is miles blackstone. faceclaim: freddie thorp.

naya harrison — fling, they both use each other to get what they need which is to have great and wild sex with no strange attached. however, naya, is now catching feelings. cole does have feelings for naya, but he doesn't know what they mean just yet. he confides in her in ways he has never done with anyone and he trust her which is a rare thing for the young parker male to do, but he doesn't understand exactly what he feelings are for naya. he just knows that he comes alive when he is with her, and he finds himself consumed by her touch, and the way she makes him. cole has never been in love before so he doesn't have anything to compare his new found feelings to. . faceclaim: maddy perez, olivia holt, camielle hyde, josephine langford, samatha logan, camila mendes, grace van patten, madeline petsch.

[jdgo51]

Don't Waste Your Pain

Today's inspiration comes from:

Hope When Life Unravels

by Adam Dooley

Silver Linings in Dark Places

"Surveying the various good outcomes God frequently produces from our agonies requires a careful word of caution.

Because knowing the mind of God is impossible (Romans 11:33-34), discerning His intentions demands humility. Though it is true that God may have a singular goal for our afflictions, His desired end is often multifaceted and complex. You may understand something of God’s design for your hardships, but the full breadth of His intentions is often incomprehensible.

Grasping for understanding of what God might be teaching you is commendable, but speaking dogmatically for Him is not. We should be proactive in order to grow, without being presumptuous regarding the Lord. With these boundaries in place, the following list is by no means comprehensive. These are just some of the beneficial results God brings into our lives through our suffering.

Trials Grow and Strengthen Our Faith

Because God is more concerned with our character than our comfort, sometimes He chooses to use calamity in order to sanctify us. James 1:2-4 explains:

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If ease or happiness is your primary goal in life, you will likely feel frustrated and betrayed when God chooses to deepen your maturity through a trial. The potential for meaningful development and growth, however, may be greatest when we are hurting the most. Will you eagerly follow a God who will likely break you in order to mature your commitment to Him?

Before Carson was sick, I confess that my life was relatively easy — no major heartache and few serious problems to weather. This first real challenge to my faith tested everything I said I believed. Even though I had preached for more than a decade with an adequate knowledge of the Scriptures, suddenly my situation forced me to reckon with my confidence in the fundamentals of my faith.

Surface faith will not suffice when circumstances threaten what you treasure most in life.

I am thankful that throughout our dilemma, my confidence in God’s truth only deepened. Before I might have told you what I believe about Christianity. Today I can tell you what I know from firsthand experience.

Trials Deepen Our Fellowship with Jesus and Reveal His Strength

When speaking about his primary goal for living, the apostle Paul reminds disciples of Jesus of the need to seek to

know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death. — Philippians 3:10

Though most of us are eager to experience the power of Christ’s resurrection, we are less enthusiastic about the fellowship of His sufferings. Do not forget, however, that the agony of Golgotha preceded the glory of His victory over the grave. As we learned previously, experiencing the power of Christ’s resurrection begins on the road of heartache.

In a similar way, receiving God’s power in our lives will require enduring great wounds without wavering. Apart from suffering, we simply cannot learn about God or relate to Him on an intimate level. Believing that God is real and present is one thing; trusting that He is enough, no matter what we face, is another thing entirely.

Though we are quite capable of cognitively grasping these ideas, we cannot embrace them fully until we experience their reality for ourselves.

Trials force us to move beyond superficial knowledge of Jesus into a meaningful, daily walk with Him. Even those who believe the gospel and claim a relationship with God sometimes fail to live in light of their commitment. Tragically, though we know God is there, we seldom feel like we need Him. Before Carson’s diagnosis, I often preached about the peace of God, but I seldom felt like I needed it. My prayer life was consistent, but it left much to be desired. I read my Bible to prepare sermons, but I rarely did so with desperation to hear from the Lord. My outward obedience was, at times, lacking the inward fellowship with God that I now crave.

Maybe you can relate. Do you pray more when times are tough? Is your Bible always close by when you are searching for answers? Is your church worship attendance noticeably more frequent when things have gone awry in your life? Why are these patterns so apparent? Stated simply, it’s because suffering forces us to live what we really believe. Thus, the Lord beckons us into a deeper, more meaningful fellowship with Jesus through the doorway of hardship. In our weakness, we move from having a cognitive awareness of His strength to experiencing the personal peace it brings.

Trials force us to move beyond superficial knowledge of Jesus into a meaningful, daily walk with Him.

Trials Increase Our Effectiveness in Serving Others

We seldom consider how our current struggles might prepare us for future service, yet God often equips us to serve others as a result of our most painful experiences. In 2 Corinthians 1:4, we learn that God the Father comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

In addition to the personal benefit God produces, the fruit of adversity in our lives will often bear the seeds of comfort for other hurting believers along the way. The Lord’s intention to comfort us is also His investment in bearing the pain of others who are not even hurting yet. When we enjoy the supernatural peace that surpasses our understanding today, we become distributors of that same consolation to others tomorrow and every day thereafter (Philippians 4:7).

Today I regularly receive calls from other pastors and churches whenever a child they know is diagnosed with cancer of some sort. Though I was completely unaware of it at the time, God was giving my wife and me the gift of His comfort so that we could share it with other hurting people. Your trials will enable you to do the same.

Trials Embolden Other Christians to Be Courageous for Christ

Similar to its impact on those outside of Christianity, resolute commitment to the Lord despite adverse realities is a powerful motivator for other believers as well. Again, God’s servant to the Gentiles is a powerful example of maximizing our deepest moments of despair for the kingdom of God. Philippians 1:14 celebrates this: “Most of the brethren, trusting in the Lord because of my imprisonment, have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear.” In other words, Paul’s devotion to Christ in prison was a powerful influence on believers who were not suffering. Those who were less committed were challenged to devote their lives to the gospel because one man was willing to serve God under any circumstance.

Think about the Christians who inspire you the most. Chances are you watched them walk through a season of difficulty without wavering. When I was a boy, my favorite teacher fought a brain tumor for nearly four years. This giant of a man demonstrated the substance of Christianity to me in a profound way. Before one of his surgeries, he sat me down in the hallway of my elementary school one day and declared, “I am not afraid to die, and you won’t be either if you will live every day of your life for Jesus Christ.” That conversation still impacts me today. Mr. A, as we called him, ultimately lost his earthly battle with cancer, but he is still enjoying his heavenly reward for such profound faithfulness. His life emboldened me to give myself more fully to my Savior. Your suffering may allow you to do the same for someone else.

Trials Can Be a Form of Discipline Intended to Produce Repentance

No Christian will ever experience the condemnation of God (Romans 8:1). However, Scripture explicitly teaches that God does discipline those who belong to Him. Hebrews 12:9–11 reminds us:

Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Sometimes trials are the consequences of our sinful choices and actions. Other times our adversities may not be directly traceable to a specific moment of disobedience, but God intends to produce greater holiness within us nonetheless. God loves us too much to ignore any behavior or perspective that would push us away from Him. Like a loving father, He carefully and expeditiously works to correct us when we stray. Though this involvement in our lives can be painful at times, it proves God’s affection for us rather than His abandonment of us.

Excerpted with permission from Hope When Life Unravels by Adam Dooley, copyright Adam B. Dooley.

[violetasteracademic]

Oooooh okay LOVE and since we are having fun and just thinking 'bout stuff, here is what sends my mind spinning at 5 am *HoFaS spoilers and multiverse musings ahead*:

What is THIS!? Is this Vesperus mistaking Azriel for something/someone else, or is this a lineage reveal much like Hunt? Are the shadowsingers also a creation of the Asteri (or Valg... what are you, Vesperus 🧐) or the Cauldron- crafted of night and pain?

It has me considering a lot of things as well, especially in relation to the shadows. And the fact that they came to Azriel during the darkest moments of his life. I've been thinking on if shadowsinger abilities are forced out of darkness and pain, and the Asteri assumed soldiers that have been touched with such irreparable darkness are the perfect ones to gain control of. But Azriel, with his themes of hope even when the world tells you to despair seems to have grown beyond perhaps what is usual for a shadowsinger, and thus may have a completely unique relationship with his shadows.

On a first read, I thought for sure Azriel was Starborn because of this:

But re-scanning over the crossover while reflecting on everything, I can't get over that line from Vesperus- assuming Azriel was one of her soldiers that she had crafted. Is it the shadowsinging? Is he Made, as the sisters were, which may allow him to wield Truth-Teller, the Starsword, and possibly the Trove? Azriel's true lineage and abilities are going to play a huge role in the story ahead, I have no doubt!

There are also the Valg connections and similarities between Rhys and Maeve (the violet eyes, the ability to spin mass illusions and break into minds and alter their reality.)

In terms of the multiverse, I often find myself wondering what Aelin will make of Rhys when she sees him- looking so similar to Maeve and them sharing similar powers. I don't think it is going to be easy for them to trust each other. But I think that the Fae on Prythian, that Azriel and Rhys, represent hope. When dark and terrible powers are used for good instead of evil. So I wonder if the shadows are inherently good, bad, or neutral, or if they have formed a relationship with Azriel and his emotions. He came out of a darkness many wouldn't have and uses his dark powers for good.

In regards to Elain's power as well after seeing how the Mystics were used by the Asteri and the Astronomer on Midgard, both Elain and Azriel are unique beings with rare abilities that would be coveted by great and evil powers. Perhaps Koschei? I think he would try to get both of them in his clutches. Elain is also unable to see past Koschei's mist, so her power has a weak spot when it comes to him. What I am most interested to see now is if Azriel, being either Made or Starborn or something else, is protected from the influence of the Crown as the sisters are. Cassian wasn't, but we haven't seen it on Azriel. I think we are gearing up for both Azriel and Elain to be the next main targets as Koschei continues to try to free himself from the lake.

And nooooow I wanna write a fic where Azriel and Elain both pretend to be under Koschei's control to spy on him. It actually doesn't feel that far off to me as an actual plot point!

Anywho. @gracie-rosee and @nikachansstuff are awesome. And there is just so much juicy fun stuff to think on!

I am dying for this book!

Early morning 5AM thoughts and (a LOT of) questions about Azriel’s powers. Longer post, I’m just having fun with theories.

First of all, I was inspired by @violetasteracademic and @nikachansstuff. Not by any particular post, but because they are just so cool and have very smart thoughts that got the gears turning in my head.

So I often wonder about Azriel’s shadows. We learn that his powers started to show when he was locked up by his father as a child. But did they come to him, or are they a real part of him that he was born with?

It’s just something that I’ve never been able to fully wrap my mind around. If he was born with this immense power—enough for seven siphons—why did they suddenly show up after what, 11 years?

The thing is, the power he was born with, the one that requires seven siphons, that’s the Illyrian power he got from his father. Right? That power requires seven siphons. So… his shadows have to be separate, and had to have come to him afterwards. (For now I won’t be talking about the possibility that he inherited shadowsinging powers from some long ago ancestor. This post will not be going in that direction, and instead focuses more on the powers themselves.)

So it begs the question(s) then: if they came to him, are they like, their own entity? Or are they literally just shadows and nothing more? Though the idea that they CAME to him implies that they are more than just shadow. Do they speak to him? If they came to him, could they potentially leave? Does Azriel even control them at all or do they just like… work alongside him? Do they have… thoughts? Do they have a personality? Why did they choose him?

But there’s also the elephant in the room: Elain.

Did she wield his shadows? Did Azriel send them to her? Or did the shadows find her and help her on their own?? SJM told us Elain stepped out of a shadow, when winnowing is described as a literal blink to/from a place. So she 100% came from his shadows. (Side note: this whole stepping out of shadows, and not to mention her being the only one to use TT thing, just solidifies that Elain is, and always will be intertwined with Azriel, regardless of who they end up with.)

So either 1. Elain can wield them, 2. Azriel sent them to teleport her, or 3. His shadows left him and sought Elain out, meaning she would also have to communicate with them so she knows where they’re going.

But ALSO!!!!! OF ALL PEOPLE WHY ELAIN? IF HIS SHADOWS LEFT HIM OR AZ SENT THEM TO FIND SOMEONE TO GO UP TO HYBERN AND KILL HIM? WHY ELAIN?????!!!!!!! WHY NOT AN ACTUAL SOLDIER??!

Okay but I NEEEEED an Elain POV of this more than anything. More than I want the next book. I need to know how it went down, because it would answer a lot of questions I have.

Here’s how I’ve envisioned it happening:

Option 1: Elain anxiously pacing with Truth Teller when suddenly a familiar shadow flies toward her, tells her that her sisters are in danger and whisks her away to help after she doesn’t even hesitate.

Option 2: Elain receiving a vision of Nesta and Cassian dying, then calling out to Azriel’s shadows to take her to them.

Option 3: Azriel seeing Nesta and Cassian dying, so he sends his shadows to fetch Elain so she can help.

I find option 3 VERY hard to believe, because why on earth would Azriel send Elain, with no combat experience whatsoever, to walk right into the middle of a literal killing field. He would never voluntarily put her in that danger. So it had to have been a variation of options 1 or 2. Meaning Elain and the shadows communicated in some way.

His shadows sought her out on their own. To which I ask, WHY?!

Or Elain sought the shadows out herself, to which I ask HOW?!

I’m so mad everyone just glosses over this. Do you know how many fucking times the death of Hybern was brought up? Like every damn chapter. And yet no one talks about Elain and how she suddenly wielded shadows.

Like hello? How did Nesta not even question it at all? I guess maybe she didn’t see how Elain arrived in shadows, but she still didn’t question how she arrived period. Nor did Feyre. Feyre who was narrating. And I’m assuming she showed Rhys as well as everyone else how the Hybern died afterwards. And yet. No. One. Freaking. Cared. HELOOOO??!!! I smell an intentional diversion.

Ugh. So many thoughts. So many questions. I have more questions that I’d like to pose to anyone reading this far about Azriel’s shadows themselves, but this is pretty long already. If anyone wants to know my thoughts on shadowsingers and shadow magic itself, let me know.

[o-wyrmlight]

Note: Unless stated otherwise, assume that all Cookie Run AUs I've made are diverged from the 'main' AU, Crumbled Castles. The backstory is applied to all of these AUs. Most of my stories will feature heavily around Dark Cacao and my history around him and yes I am biased. I just think he's a super cool character and I like him a lot.

Please also note that some aspects of these AUs may be prone to change in the future.

Backstory/Context:

The Ancients are not the founders of their kingdoms. They are instead inheritors of their respective thrones, which have been passed on through generations. Golden Cheese is an undecided exception.

Each of the Ancients have discovered Soul Jams, which each extends their lives in a semi-permenant manner. It doesn't ultimately protect them from death, but it does halt their aging process and give them extended lives.

The Ancients didn't travel together. Their relationship with each other is more or less more 'professional', like work friends. They do still care very much for each other, though. Pure Vanilla considers Hollyberry to be an aunt figure.

Pure Vanilla and Dark Cacao especially have very complicated relationships with their respective thrones and parents. Pure Vanilla grew up under a lot of pressure to be the picture perfect king, and Dark Cacao spent the latter half of his childhood to mid-adulthood under the supervision of a well-meaning but ultimately abusive father (Cacao Sr).

Said well-meaning father waged war against the Vanilla Kingdom because he was too prideful and anxious to ask for permission to seek out the Grapejam Chocoblade on their kingdom's territory. He ended up dying during this war.

In many AUs, the Dark Flour War has either yet to happen or doesn't happen whatsoever in the timeline. I'm still trying to conceptualize how it'd work in the cases where it technically should happen without overloading the story.

The Creme Republic is a corrupt society with a pristine surface but an ugly underbelly rife with propaganda and dystopian practices. Madeline is a strong contender against this and uses his surprisingly cunning ways to try to dismantle the government, to allow the Republicans to start anew. The Creme Republic also supercedes the Dark Flour War and therefore the cookies of the Council are not related to any Vanillian cookies.

Crumbled Castles

Is currently a comic! Check it out @crumbled-castles-crk if you're interested!

When Dark Cacao and Pure Vanilla find themselves in the wake of a shattered kingdom following the final battle of Dark Enchantress Cookie, the air is filled with tense uncertainty about what they stand to do next. Pure Vanilla remains adamant about his pursuit for the truth and his need to stop Dark Enchantress Cookie before she brings all of Cookiekind to its knees, and Dark Cacao hesitantly comes along.

Dark Cacao claims that it's to keep him safe, but in reality, his body is still badly damaged from when his son nearly struck him down with the Strawberry Jam Sword. Nonetheless he plans to do what he can, if nothing else, providing Pure Vanilla with the grace of company.

Pure Vanilla strongly desires to see to his peoples' safety and find his husband--Premier Custard Cream--and son--Custard I--alive and well. He also wishes to find his friends and stop Dark Enchantress. It's a lot to take on at once.

Dark Cacao desires to see Pure Vanilla safe while he himself grapples with ghosts of his past come back to haunt him. He struggles with guilt for not being able to fight alongside his kingdom, as well as the fear that he grew to be like his father, and that such reason is why Dark Choco nearly killed him. He also hopes that in traveling with Pure Vanilla, he'd be able to find Dark Choco and attempt to aid him with the sword.

Meanwhile, Dark Choco--struggling against the call of the sword and the pull fate has on him toward the dark--is wandering the kingdoms when he stumbles upon Madeline. Madeline deceptively acts the part of a 'himbo', if you will, manipulating his narrative to fit whatever means he deems necessary to achieve. They travel together, though Madeline himself doesn't have good intentions as they relate to Dark Choco. He seeks to find and destroy any Soul Jam he can, thereby keeping it out of the hands of the Creme Republic's government officials. Madeline is a cookie with good intentions but horrible execution that consistently ends up hurting the people around him, and it's something that he's going to end up needing to work on.

Relationships:

Pure Vanilla/Premier Custard Cream

Dark Cacao/Pure Vanilla

Madeline/Dark Choco

Pure Vanilla & Dark Enchantress

Dark Cacao & Cacao Sr

Madeline & Espresso

Dark Cacao & Dark Choco

Bittersweet Friends

Following the events of canon, Affogato Cookie finds himself losing consciousness as he flees the Black Citadel. When he awakens, he's surprised to find himself in a village, well taken-care of. They show little to no hostility or bias to him, which surprises him, and he decides to take it upon himself to do what he can to help this village as repayment.

When the village hears tale of Dark Cacao seeking out a new advisor a few months later, the village pressures Affogato (likely going by a different name at this point to stay undercover) into being their representative. Although Affogato is hesitant about it, he accepts, figuring that he can try using his cunning to rise up in the ranks once again and seize the crown for himself.

He very quickly discovers that the situation and Dark Cacao himself are very different from what he remembers. This is because Affogato has found himself 'charitably' placed in an AU that splits from Crumbled Castles. Long story short, Dark Cacao himself is vastly different from the one Affogato remembers, from his personality and attitude to the ingredients running in his jam, to when the events of the Strawberry Jam sword actually took place.

Affogato doesn't really know what to think about these differences, at first, but in the end, he decides that they aren't bad changes. This Dark Cacao shows a more genuine and softer care for his people than the one before, even though talk of discontent and rebellion has been starting to stir up due to Dark Cacao's absence on the battlefield. The absence is because he literally cannot battle because he's still suffering from the effects of the Strawberry Jam sword's curse.

Essentially, he and Affogato also share the fact that they both have bittersweet ingredients--Affogato being coffee and ice cream, and Dark Cacao being cacao-coffee (from his father's side) and chocolate. Their less strict views on sweet food is something that they bond over, and they eventually become good friends, even up until the point that Affogato starts trying to figure out how to help Dark Cacao with his injury.

When Affogato hears a plan for a attempt at Dark Cacao's life, Affogato warns the king and accompanies him as they make their escape. Dark Cacao ends up going to the Vanilla Kingdom, where he shows Affogato that kindness toward sweeter cookies exists out there. Dark Cacao speaks to Pure Vanilla and decides to spend this time away from home to find his son. Affogato as they travel tries to figure out more about himself outside of what he was forced to be just to survive.

Relationships

Dark Cacao & Affogato

Dark Cacao/Affogato(?)

Second Watcher/Dark Cacao

Affogato & Caramel Arrow

Pure Vanilla/Premier Custard Cream

Dark Cacao & Pure Vanilla

Dark Cacao & Dark Choco

Timeskip

Dark Cacao Sr--the cookie who started a war with the Vanilla Kingdom--steps onward blindly and unknowingly toward the day of his death. In the wake of the battlefield, Cacao Sr. is fighting with all he has in him when he finds himself suddenly and inexplicably in a place he's never been before. Floating before him is Timekeeper Cookie, who has made the decision to save his life and shove him elsewhere to see how his decisions affect the timeline, for no other reason than she's bored.

Cacao Sr. ends up about thirty years in the future, where his son is a king and his grandson nearly killed him, leaving him with a grievous injury that refuses to heal. Cacao Sr. attempts--and fails--to reconnect with his son, who is understandably very distressed with Cacao Sr. being there.

Cacao Sr. does everything in his power to help Dark Cacao with his issue with his son. This includes trying to figure out how Dark Cacao can protect himself when he's so badly injured, trying to find alternate means of understanding and connecting with his son, and doing what he can to seek out something that can at the very least help ease the curse that Dark Cacao is burdened with.

Relationships

Cacao Sr. & Dark Cacao

Cacao Sr. & Dark Choco

Timekeeper & Cacao Sr

Vanilla Extract

Following the Dark Flour War, Pure Vanilla Cookie exists within the ruins of his floating kingdom, living day in and day out within the recesses of his grief and regret. Instead of losing his memory as Healer Cookie had done, he ends up living out his days as a cookie who dedicates himself to never being walked on again.

He used to be a cookie that did everything he did to help everyone around him. It was frankly exhausting, stressful, and had him grow up under fierce anxiety, leaving him to neglect himself and his own health in favor of other people. Now, after his friends are (he believes) dead, Dark Enchantress allegedly defeated, and his kingdom in ruins, he can't be bothered to try to rebuild. He merely desires a quiet life without other cookies relying on him, and he decides that he will care less.

At some point, though, he finds Strawberry Crepe, waking up from their cyrosleep. Not wishing for them to grow up scared and alone, he ends up taking them under his wing and adopting them as his child. Strawberry Crepe's personality--therefore--is different from how it is in canon; they are still clingy and eager to learn, and a little temperamental, but they're more understanding of how far too far is and they help Vanilla Extract fix some of the Wafflebots to help aid in their survival. Strawberry Crepe is rather sheltered, though, and wants to explore the world--Vanilla Extract is against this, concerned that something bad will happen to them and also unwilling to leave his home.

When Gingerbrave and co. come up to the castle, Vanilla Extract essentially just wants them off of his lawn and to leave him in peace, so he tries to kick them out. When he realizes who Custard III is--his great-grandson--he relaxes a little and grudgingly lets them stay. He keeps his identity as Pure Vanilla under wraps, though, not wishing to return to that life of serving his people at the cost of his own safety.

When Dark Enchantress and her army comes up to the castle, though, Vanilla Extract has enough and loses his cool. He joins Gingerbrave and the others with every intention of getting Dark Enchantress out of his damn castle and just leave him and his child alone. Vanilla Extract recognizes Dark Choco when they meet, and this is when it becomes clear to the group that Vanilla Extract is Pure Vanilla Cookie.

In the end, Dark Enchantress gets kicked out of the castle, and Pure Vanilla is given the option to continue life as he had been or finally leave and do something else. He suggests to Crepe that they go with the group, since they've been wanting to see the world, but Crepe decides to stay with Vanilla Extract. Touched, Vanilla Extract--still wishing for Crepe to be able to see the world, now that the option is available to them, and wishing to spend more time with his great-grandson--says his final good-byes to the Vanilla Kingdom and accompanies the group. In a way, this is him finally closing the that grief-stricken chapter of his life and coming to accept whatever lies ahead.

Relationships

Vanilla Extract & Strawberry Crepe

Vanilla Extract & Dark Enchantress

Vanilla Extract & Custard III

Vanilla Extract & Gingerbrave and Co.

Potentially more in the future--as of yet, undecided

Runaway

When given the opportunity to escape a horrible father and the looking threat of war--if it means that you will leave everything behind in the process--would you take it? When you are in your mid-thirties, have left the front lines of the war to locate the damn sword your father is fighting for, and finally found it, would you be able to resist the temptation of freedom that comes along with it? Would you return to your family--your sweet baby son and your dear kingdom, and your damnable father of all people... or would you see the way to freedom and run away? Would you leave it all behind? In this AU, Dark Cacao did. And it haunts him.

Dark Cacao travels the kingdoms with the Grapejam Chocoblade secured to his back, wandering aimlessly and listlessly. It's difficult to enjoy the world now that you've finally escaped when the burden of what you left behind now weighs so heavily upon your shoulders. He travels from village to village, kingdom to kingdom, unknowingly making a name for himself as a fighter and a protector as he does so. Meanwhile he has no idea what happened to his son, and this knowledge haunts him.

It's dread that keeps him from going back--dread and fear. He doesn't know how his father would react if he returns. As the years pass, he doesn't know how his son would react, if he were even still alive. He doesn't know that over these years, his father has made an active effort to change, realizing the error of his ways, to take care of Dark Choco as well as he can. He doesn't realize that Cacao Sr. no longer blames Dark Cacao for leaving so much as he blames himself, nor that Cacao Sr. is adamant to his grandson that the little boy wasn't the reason his father left.

No. Dark Cacao doesn't know this. What he does know is avoiding. And he avoids it over many years as it haunts and plagues him, never really aging because of the sword he found and uses to this day. And eventually he meets an aged knight, speaking boldly and warmly about how he's fought and defeated dragons many-a time before. And eventually they are rivals. And eventually they are friends and traveling companions.

Eventually, the truth as to come out, Dark Cacao. And just like how you left your home, your father, and your poor, little son--any friends you make will leave you, too. You deserve to be alone after all of that, after all. Don't you?

Relationships

Dark Cacao & Cacao Sr

Cacao Sr & Dark Choco

Dark Cacao & Tea Knight

Dark Cacao/Tea Knight(?)

Potentially more in the future--as of yet, undecided

[radiosandrecordings]

Crossposting my @summer-in-the-archives-event fic here too. [AO3] [Accompanying beautiful art]

He’d never get used to the rolling fields of quiet.

Miles behind and miles to go, not that he could see any of it through the thick blanket of fog that clung to his ankles, and his wrists, and his eyes. Miles to go before I sleep…

It was hard to describe the rain that fell, because even ‘fell’ felt like too active a descriptor. It didn’t pour, it didn’t ‘beat down’, it didn’t pelt, because those all required a sense of agency that the landscape just felt too apathetic to muster. It simply existed, and just happened to be moving downwards by coincidence.

Jon wasn’t sure if he knew or Knew that it seeped into his clothes, coating his skin, but he couldn’t even feel the droplets landing, even pinpricks of touch creating too much of a sensation for this place. He briefly wondered that, if he still had need for his glasses, would the rain even make the effort to trickle down and cloud the lenses.

The last Lonely domain he’d passed through, he’d never seen the avatar that lorded over it. He didn’t have any real interest in finding out, not like the personal vendettas that lead him to seeking out Jude, or Jared. Because with Peter dead he wasn’t left with any Lonely avatars left to chase, save the vague notions of the Lukas extended family. He was simply going to keep his head down and keep trudging, hopefully emerging through the thick banks of mist before he lost his mind to the monotony. If there was ever something to make you miss muffled cries from beneath the earth…

“Why are you here?”

The sound was accusatory, and may as well have been a shotgun in the silence. The damped chill was nothing in comparison to the ice that shot up his spine. The voice had no clear origin, no figures even silhouetted in shadow against the overgrown grass, but it came in close, delivered on the gentle, numbing breeze. Despite this, though, never in a thousand domains could he forget the sound of it. Of course it was his. Of course. Of course. “Martin?”

“No! ”

The voice sounded… Angry. But hurt, like it flinched away from the word. Like something that had been left to sit in the dark too long, that recoiled back from a stinging source of light.

“... I’m going to assume no one has called you that in a long time.” He tried to keep his voice light, as much as the stifling atmosphere would allow it.

“No one is anything here. It’s easier that way. If you’re somebody, you can be hurt. If you have too much personality, too many little facets and cracks, things start to snag and catch on it, and it drags you down to where things ache. But if you’re nothing, then they don’t have anything to cling onto. You can just slip away unharmed.” The voice sounded like it was moving, curling around him and moving from ear to ear, forward and back as it droned on in that echoing monotone that Jon had hoped he would never hear again, and at the same time, had longed to.

“And what about the good things?”

“There isn’t anything good, not anymore. You saw to that.”

Jon snorted. “Low blow, but fair.” He hesitated for a moment, trying to summon the words.

He’d had time, after he left the Lonely, to consider his actions. Regret pooled like acid in his stomach at the memory, and somehow it hurt more than ending the world. He wouldn’t say it was more important. He knew whatever he felt, and moreso, knew that one human life, was not paramount to the suffering of every creature great and small, but it felt more tangible. When he walked through the hellscapes, they were dreamlike, hazy, information in such clarity but to an extreme where it still felt nonsensical to perceive it as reality. He knew the fundamental truths that surrounded him but it still felt hard to accept them even as he lived them.

Yet despite having lived without it for eight months prior, the space beside him that failed to solidify into Martin still stung with his absence. And Jon regretted it every not-day he spent walking the hellscape, both in knowing he doomed a good man to suffering, or worse, revelry, in this new world, and in the far more personal, and far more selfish, part of him that missed him so goddamn much.

“But- But Martin, I think I made a mistake.”

“Obviously.”

“Not- Not that. I mean, when we were in the Lonely. The- The first time. With Peter Lukas.” The silence droned on, and Jon took that as his cue to continue. “Do you remember what I said? That maybe you were safer here? And that’s… That’s why I let you stay. I didn’t push you to, to leave with me because I thought you wanted to be here, that you’d be safer here than you’d be with me. But I don’t think that was entirely true.”

“I am safe here.”

“Maybe so. It doesn’t mean it’s better though, does it. Martin, I saw those people, in the last Lonely domain. I know it’s different, they were victims and you’re… You’re an avatar, here, you’re feeding off of all of this, but I promise you they were not happy. They were so alone and it didn’t protect them, it just made it worse. Think about it, the logic of this world. There are threats out there of unimaginable horror, and yet they were still assigned here, it’s their worst nightmare. And you were assigned here too. You’re all suffering, just in different ways, but all calculated to be your personal worst.”

“The Martin Blackwood you thought you knew doesn’t exist anymore. He had to be filed down, too many breaks and tears in him that grew and grew, any time someone raised a harsh word. The best way for him to be protected, is for him to go away entirely. You cannot hurt something that doesn’t exist.”

“Are you sure about that? Because you just said ‘I’.”

“What? ” That anger reemerged again, and as staunched as it was it was beautiful, a return to form amongst the dull monotone, reminiscent of the few times Jon had been privileged enough to witness a truly pissed off Martin Blackwood.

Jon found himself grinning. “You said ‘I am safe here’. Emphasis on the ‘I’. Ergo, you still have some form of identity left, and thus I would wager that the part of you left is Martin. Unless I’ve wandered across some other avatar of the Lonely who sounds like him, of course.”

“You’re always so fucking smug, you know that?”

The voice is coming from behind him. Actually, physically, presently behind him and Jon spins around so fast he’s almost dizzy.

And as much as it made his heart soar, and much as he was glad to finally, finally , see him again when he’d thought he never would, Martin looked… Bad.

His skin had darkened, mottled and blotchy with large swathes of a bruise-like blue or sickly green cropping up across his face and neck, or the parts of his forearms visible where his cable knit sleeves rolled back. It was like frostbite from the cold, or some disturbing onset of trench-foot from the damp, corpselike and unsettling. What was worse, though, were the parts that simply ceased. His hair didn’t even reach the tips, simply fading out into a grey static that merged with the mist, and it consumed his eyes whole, tear tracks streaking down his face in patterns of fuzzy, crackling grey that snapped and popped in the silence, far too reminiscent of a tape.

The sight made Jon’s heart clench like a fist, the combination of relief and horror, and in that moment he understood Jane Prentiss more completely than he ever had before. It would’ve felt like a rude comparison to consciously make, the person he cared for most equated to a pulped and writhing mass that churned out creatures that made your skin crawl before tearing into it. But he knew what she had seen in it, that call towards the thing that fascinated you, despite the turning it causes in your stomach.

Despite this, however, Jon steeled himself. This was rapidly becoming a battle, and he couldn’t afford the cost of emotions. He had to keep Martin, well… Martin. Draw out the emotion. In short, be a bit of a bastard. So instead, he cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you liked that about me?”

He could see Martin’s fists clench, the colour of his extremities dyed black from frostbite. The irritation was still clear as he started into “Fucking hell J-” but they both appeared taken aback as he dissolved into a choking, hacking cough.

It took everything in him for Jon to tamp down the need to surge forward, put a hand on his back and ask if he was okay. It was a strangely mundane thing; the man was made out of static and fog and despite seeming to have an on-and-off-again relationship with his corporeal form, this was the first recognisably human thing to adversely affect him. Why, though? What had Martin done to trigger- Oh. Oh .

“That- That priest from the statement… 0113005? Father Burroughs. He couldn’t say the name of god. Anything related to it, really. And you… You couldn’t say my…”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Martin spat. “You’re not a god or thee god, whatever your new eye magic might imply. It’s just…” He let out a breath that turned into a grumble. While his eyes had always been cloudy, he was now refusing to meet Jon’s gaze.

Regardless, it still drew a breathy laugh out of him. “No, I’m not that far gone into my own self importance yet. But… It’s about the connection, isn’t it?” Something in the conversation had changed, it’s tone or it’s flow, that felt contradicting. Tension coiling up to spring, or they’re barrelling towards a culmination, but at the same time, Jon felt like the wind had been kicked right out of him. He lowered himself to the ground, slowly, settling among the grass and trying to ignore the unpleasant dampness under him. Hey, he could feel the damp again. That was something.

“That’s more flattering, actually, I would say… The Lonely, it thinks if you acknowledge me directly, that would loosen it’s hold on you.” Jon huffed out a breath. “You know I listened to all the tapes. What was it that Daisy said to you, when I was on the run? ‘People say you two are close’? Well, the Lonely appears to agree.” He took a minute before adding, “I would, as well. And, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was too… Too in my own head, before, to admit it. Too much of a coward to do it before that, even. But you need to know I love you. And I know that you… Cared for me, at least? Even if I stuck my head in the sand to ignore it. But the Lonely seems to think you do, still. So will you please come back to me? I know it’s not- I know it won’t be much better, travelling through the domains, but it’s all I can offer and it has to be better than this. I can’t promise anything kind will be waiting for us in London, but you’d be yourself again, and I can’t… Martin, I can’t lose you again. To leave here, again, without you, I’d be losing you. Please.”

“No.”

There wasn’t even a delay to his response, stating it in monotone the second Jon had finished speaking. It felt like ice, lancing through his heart.

“Martin. Martin, please -”

“I said no. I thought you would’ve learned by now; I’m not exactly amenable when you come crawling to me with half baked plans of escape. Because you don’t love me, you love the idea of me. You are quite literally the only free man left in the world and you’re lonely . So you’re looking for a familiar face. Kind Martin, caring Martin, always there with tea and taking your side in every argument. Defending you to Tim when you’d just as soon slag him off behind his back, or on tape. Pretty appealing when everyone else is trying to kill you. At least he treated you like a god before this even started.”

Each sentence felt like another dagger to the chest, and it took him a moment to compose himself, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. Eventually, though, Jon spoke. “That’s not true, though. I- Martin I can’t apologise enough that that’s what it’s felt like, for you. But I need you to know, that isn’t true. A-At the start, maybe, I can’t deny I was stupid and spiteful, but you didn’t deserve any of it. And after that… I didn’t do a one-eighty and decide you were a doormat. I liked you because you were secretly enough of a prick as well. Any time you’d pull me out for lunch when I dragged my heels, or argued back when I said something shitty, that was… It felt like I was seeing the real you. The one you didn’t want to let people think of you as, but the one you were, because despite wanting to appear like the picture of innocence, you are a bitch, Martin Blackwood. And that’s my favourite thing about you. Maybe time is sweetening my memory, slightly, but I truly don’t believe there’s rose coloured glasses here. If we walk out of here, I’m not under any sort of illusion that it’ll be a honeymoon. We will doubtless find something to argue over, if not several, but I want that. I want you at my side to, to disagree and point out all my blind spots. We’re both stubborn bastards but I’m stupidly fallible, and I need you to keep me balanced. I don’t want a yes-man, I want you, Martin, and I’m asking for that knowing full well what it entails.”

When the words stopped flowing, he found himself gasping for breath, sobs building in his chest and threatening to spill over. But Martin was standing closer.

“That’s- I don’t- Fuck.” As Jon looked up, wiping at his own eyes, he could see fog starting to trickle from Martin’s mouth, coming in short bursts as his nostrils flared and chest rose and fell noticeably for the first time that Jon had seen since he stepped foot onto the moors. This caused a conflict of emotion in Jon, because while it seemed to be another step towards humanity, Martin letting the Lonely fall to the wayside in favour of reclaiming himself, it also looked far too close to a panic attack to be something worth celebrating.

“I don’t understand,” he finally settled on, voice cracking on the words. He slowly let himself sink to the ground opposite Jon, knees pulled up to his chest. “I left you. Time and again I left you. I left you to work with Lukas, and I left you when you tried to get me to run away, and I left you when I stayed on the beach.” His palms were pressed into his eyes, mist seeping from between his knuckles as he dragged them across his face, though Jon couldn’t be sure if he was attempting to wipe the fog away, or if he was stalling while he faltered, trying to summon the words. Both, maybe. Jon took the silence from him.

“You didn’t really choose that, though. You didn’t feel like you even had a choice. So Martin if… If you’re worried that I think badly of you for that, I don’t. Martin, I’ve done so many terrible things, so to- No, no, actually I don’t mean it like that. I don’t mean that you’re a good person, compared with me. I think you’re a good person full stop. And I just want you to be able to see that. I know the Lonely is quite literally clouding your judgement right now but… Please, just, just make me a deal?”

Martin’s palms were resting on his chin now, cupping his cheeks and curving around his neck. He nodded once, wearily, for Jon to continue.

Jon drew in a breath “I think I’m in some sort of… Bubble. Like a miniature domain, when I’m travelling. I think, if you agree to come with me, even for a little bit, that might dissolve some of the Lonely’s more adverse effects. Make it easier to think, to, to be yourself without its influence. If that is what happens, and you want to return… I’ll bring you back. But please, just… Try? For me?”

Martin sighed, hands dropping from his face. “...Fine.”

“You- Really?”

“Yes. I… Look, J-” Martin bit back another coughing fit. “Look. I am… There is a lot of me right now that wants to leave. The fog is… It’s in my head, figuratively, probably even literally, but… I remember something Basira said. When she got back, from, from The Unknowing . Melanie wanted to know how she got out, when the other three… When you, and Daisy, and Tim, didn’t. She said she reasoned her way out. So I’m going to listen to reason for a minute, as much as it’s paining me.”

Despite those final words, Jon felt his face crack into a smile. “That’s… Yes, you’re right. Well that’s… That’s a very reasonable connection to make.”

And for the first time in a long time, Martin smiled.

“Uhm, so how does this work then?” He eventually said, hand coming up again to scratch the back of his neck in an old nervous habit Jon could not be more happy to see.

“Well”, Jon said, taking a moment to brush sodden grass from his trousers as he got to his feet, “I would say, based on the dream logic that everything here seems to run on here, it should be rather simple.” He held out a hand to tug Martin up after him.

Martin took it.

It was almost cliché, how the Lonely fell away from him. It only took a few seconds, all in all, for the bruising to fade, receding their colourful splotches until his skin lay clear again. His frostbitten fingers healing themselves, sewing broken skin back together and returning to a healthy colour. His face, too, was returning to its original pallor, the change creeping up his neck and across his cheeks and leaving rich brown in its wake. Dark eyes stared down at Jon from behind long lashes, blinking away the last of the fog. He was beautiful.

“Hi,” Jon managed to choke out.

“Hi,” Martin said, and pulled him into his arms.

Jon just let himself be held in the pressure of the embrace for a moment, before bringing a hand up to card his fingers through Martin’s hair. While it had solidified into soft curls, the colour had stayed the same, bleaching it white under his fingertips. He wasn’t sure if Martin had noticed or not, but that was a conversation for another time. They were both a little preoccupied for the moment.

“How do you feel?” Jon eventually said, words pressed into the side of Martin’s neck.

“Uhm. Strange?” Martin eventually settled on. “It’s… I can remember what my thought process was, what the Lonely was pushing me to believe, but it’s like… It’s like the camera panned out, and now I can see it all clearly, and it looks… It looks stupid. Thank you, Jon. For coming to get me.”

“Of course,” Jon whispered, “Of course.”

Another moment passed before Martin spoke up again. “...Did you mean what you said, though? Or was that… Was that just to try and get me to leave? I- I won’t be angry, if it was, that- that’s very clever, I just want to know.”

Jon furrowed his brow. “Which part do you mean?”

Martin let out an agitated sigh. “You- You know which one I mean, Jon. The- The part where that you said that you…”

“That I love you?” Jon said, picking up where Martin trailed off.

Martin’s face flushed, and just the sight of colour spreading across it made Jon’s heart soar, let alone the implications of why . “Of course I did. I- I’m sorry that you would think I would lie about that, even for something like this. No, Martin, I love you. So very much. And I know you might not feel that way anymore, in which case I am very much embarrassing myself here, but I know that you did at one stage so I hope it won’t make things too awkward between us.” “I do, Jon.”

“What?”

“I do. Still feel that way. I love you too, of course I do. My hero.”

It was Jon’s turn to feel his face flush, pleasant warmth bubbling to the surface. “Oh,” was all he managed to stutter out.

“Can I- Jon do you mind if I…” Martin trailed off again, and Jon began to think this might be a recurring theme between them. He’d make it work. He was pretty good at reading Martin, and the eyeline pointed directly at his lips made intentions quite clear.

“Is- Would just the cheek be okay?” He replied. It didn’t really feel like the time for a full run down on where boundaries lay, but he figured it was a start.

“More than,” Martin said, leaning down to press his lips softly against Jon’s cheek. He lingered for a few seconds, skin largely healed but still chapped from the cold, and it was one of the most beautiful things Jon had ever felt. He slipped one hand into Martin’s, and he felt their fingers twine together.

Martin leaned back, clearly trying to calm his grin into something more close-lipped and calm. “Where to now then?”

“Uhm. Forward, really, is just how I’ve been going. There isn’t any real sense of geography to it, we’ll just…. Get there when we get there.”

“Right. Because nothing can be simple these days.”

Jon missed this. He missed him. But he didn’t have to miss him anymore, did he? He was right there.

He squeezed his hand once, and started leading the way.

[makingspiritualityreal]

Numerology Life Path 9 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series

This is a post in my new astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 9. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else.

Introduction The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience. A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?” Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time. In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number. If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well. Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 9 - The Hermit and The Moon

The energies of a Life Path 9 are ruled by the dynamic energy of Mars. This Life Path's main objective in this incarnation is to find a cause to devote themselves too. This cause is what sets them apart from the crowd, but also holds them together. Without that cause, or at least being on the way to finding that cause, they feel lost and unmotivated and are very prone to getting dejected with the world around them.

The reason for why this Life Path can fall into such lows when they are not moving forward with their goals is that they gain all their wisdom, understanding and depth from taking action and being "in the field". A Life Path 9 is someone, who can get illuminated by the process of a repetitive performance of a task on the way to their goal, making them a very "hands on" learner. They possess the power to find magic and depth in the mundane. However, to access that, they must immerse themselves in finding their path first. They need the material world for contrast to start the unique alchemical process, that they have a gift for. That's why this Life Path has such a knack for social causes. They know how to upgrade the energetic vibration of a group through physical processes. That is extremely powerful in the 21st century, when we have worldwide access to international communities. A Life Path 9 in their element could be an inspiring writer or a creator, whose work moves people on a larger scale. However, to access that power, this Life Path needs to find their right direction first. That is achieved most often through trial and error. A Life Path 9 is born with a crystallised, internal idea of the energy that they want to change the world with, but they need practice to find the most optimal way to externalise their gifts and express them from an authentic place. That can also involve building a specific skill, based on their intuitive gifts, which will make them learn that skill faster than anyone in their profession, for the sake of realising a larger vision.

The shadow aspect of a Life Path 9 is in the energy of being scattered, confused, misguided, lacking illumination of their purpose or true understanding of the depth of life. This can result in feeling unmotivated even further, which then leads to various coping mechanisms, such as procrastination, distraction, escapism and unfunded expectation for the world to fix their problems for them, and when that fails, blaming the world for not giving them a helping hand from the outside. In reality, this bitterness is a reflection of their desire to manifest their own path in the world, and when they are not actively doing it, the vision of the changes they themselves could be making in the world haunts and frustrates them. Many Life Path 9s are not even aware of that process, and they experience it subconsciously, which makes them even more prone to various subliminal escapism tactics.

The other characteristic vibrational trait of the 9 is its single-minded nature. While they care about community causes and things on a grander scale, and once they find a worthy goal they take it seriously, they are inherently stubborn. That works both in their advantage and to their detriment. When they have their eye on a prize, no one can stop them from achieving their goal, but if they are stuck on an idea that is working against them, or if they have gotten themselves buried in idleness, only they can truly realign themselves back on the right path. Other people's advice won't matter much to them, and even if they are outwardly polite, they will subconsciously resist anyone's guidance but their own. They may need an external forceful pressure to consider changing their course at all.

The associated Tarot Cards help us find solutions to efficiently use the energy of this Life Path Number.

The Hermit - Related to the internally solitary nature of this Life Path, the Hermit isolates himself from the whole world in order to find his truth and deepen his connection to the Source, the Universe Itself. This points out, that when in doubt the tactic for a Life Path 9 is to find answers in solitude, by using a spiritual practice that reconnects them to the voice within, mixed with trial and error. The Hermit is also a wise, old figure, which shows that for a Life Path 9 a lot of time, patience and mental effort is often necessary to be able to find their path. At its peak, this Tarot card shows a mature energy of a Life Path 9 becoming a beacon of wisdom for others, who come to them to seek counsel in times of trial, just like those seeking enlightenment look for the Hermit in his abode.

The Moon - Points to both the natural instinct, that this Life Path is so strong in, but also the element of confusion and the overwhelming sensations that can feel like a maze with no exit. However, opposites attract, and a Life Path 9 is the one capable of harnessing the energy of the Moon Tarot card by seeing a straight, clear path through the murky waters. This Tarot card points to this Life Path's ability to find the light in the deepest darkness.

The Key Word for a Life Path 9 is Direction. This Life Path's destiny is to apply direction and wisdom (The Hermit) through uncertainty and overwhelming confusion of life (Moon) by finding a path in the darkness. A Life Path 9 in a higher state of evolution knows exactly where they are going, and what is their purpose for choosing this specific path to follow. This approach is applied in all areas of life, relationships, choice of work field, time management in their daily life. Once they are in the flow, a Life Path 9 knows how to follow their objective like nobody else, if they have genuine passion for it, set their mind on it and stay on course. This Life Path illuminates the way of the true Spiritual Warrior, always walking ahead, passionate and forever faithful to his calling.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Thoughts on The Buddie Talk from 502

Other folks have looked at this conversation, but I wanted to get on my bullshit about it too. LOL.

So imho this whole conversation is about love and heart, specifically Eddie’s but with Buck’s heart added in. Line by line analysis and commentary. Let the BS begin. Here we go…

Buck: Hey are you sleeping, or just pretending?

Day and night/light and dark are strong themes throughout the episode. @benka79 did a meta on this theme. I think that by extension, awake vs asleep is meaningful in this scene. In matters of the heart, Eddie is trying to sleep or turn a blind eye, doing what he thinks is best for Chris rather than himself. This is exactly what Carla warned him against. But he knows. He knows that Carla is right but he’s ignoring her and trying to ignore Buck. He’s only pretending to be in the dark about his heart and his desires, at least to a degree.

Eddie: I was actually trying to until you interrupted.

Enter Buck, shaking shit up. Interrupting Eddie’s well-intentioned lie. Eddie knows there’s more than meets the eye and Buck is forcing him to open his eyes, wake up and see what’s really going on and reckon with himself and his true desires.

Buck: I’m exhausted. Uh, how are you feeling?

This line has been rattling around in my brain for what feels like a thousand years. Buck is NOT asleep, he’s not able to turn a blind eye. And being the only one willing to look directly at matters of the heart is wearing him out. Dude’s exhausted! He SEES that something is up with Eddie’s heart and he wants Eddie to tell him all about it.

Eddie: Hot. I’m sweating out of places I didn’t know I could.

During the blackout, AC isn’t working so everyone is sweating. Buck even has a thin layer of sweat in the scene. Sweating from the heat is normal and completely reasonable, but is that what’s being invoked here? We know that sweating is also a symptom of health issues (panic and heart problems not the least among them, and definitely symbolically relevant here). Eddie looks like he’s sweating for normal reasons but in the next line Buck questions that.

Buck: No uh like a cold sweat though, right? Uh, any chest pains?

Again, Buck is wide awake. He KNOWS something is wrong with Eddie’s heart/feelings and that Eddie is hiding it from him. He jumps to cold sweats, the kind that are most connected to health problems and are not about the actual temperature in the room. Then follows up with asking about chest pains. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Buck is paralleled with the cardiologist. She’s about Eddie’s literal heart but Eddie’s figurative heart is in Buck’s hands and Buck’s hands only. And my dude is assertively assessing the situation.

Eddie: You don’t give up, do you? I’m fine, Buck.

Good ol’ Eddie, perfecting his avoidance and denial game. But he knows Buck. He does NOT ever give up and he especially doesn’t give up on the people he loves. Eddie recognized this and thanked Buck for it in 303. Buck didn’t give up on Christopher during the tsunami, or on Eddie in Eddie Begins or in Survivors. But that was about Chris and Eddie’s life. This scene in 502 is new in a way. Buck is refusing to give up on Eddie’s heart, his feelings. Now Buck is fighting for Eddie’s quality of life, for his happiness.

Buck: People who are fine don’t go and see cardiologists. You need to tell me if something is wrong.

Buck was so worried about Eddie in 501. Of course Eddie denied that anything was wrong but Buck isn’t stupid. In 501 he asked about the situation clearly and openly because he cares about Eddie and wants to help in any way he can, and Eddie pushed him away. So here in 502 he implicitly invokes the Will. He’s like fine if you won’t tell me as your friend who gives a shit about you, then tell me for Chris’s sake because thanks to the will, I actually fucking need to know if you’re going to drop dead.

Eddie: Alright, it was a panic attack, not a heart attack. A panic attack.

Eddie’s frustrated confession was solid gold. It laid my edges and raised my credit score. He knows that Buck’s persistence is harmless and comes from a genuine place of respect and care. Still, that doesn’t make it any less annoying for a man who’s trying to sleep, pretending his own heart isn’t breaking under the weight of his sense of duty to his son.

Buck: Since when do you panic?

My God, he knows him so well.

Eddie: That’s what I said. I don’t panic. Except I did.

Eddie accepting that this was absolutely a panic attack was huge. Before he had been pushing against the reality of it, but here in Buck’s loving care he could be honest with himself and with Buck that it was indeed panic.

Buck: Ok, well, what triggered it? I mean you did just get shot and almost killed by a sniper. I guess that could be considered an anxiety inducing-

Buck’s in full “cardiologist” mode. He’s paying forward all those years of therapy! What he’s doing here isn’t a replacement for my dude getting some real therapy but here’s Buck with his clipboard efficiently helping Eddie figure his emotional shit out. It’s perfection. It’s also good that he acknowledged the shooting. I think it’s super important that when Buck mentions it, he looks down and away from Eddie.

Buck, my dude, you are not over being covered in the blood of the love of your life. You can still feel his weight in your hands, muscle memory from lifting him above the spray of gasoline and bullets. Eddie may still be asleep on that front but, Buck, you are wide awake and exhausted by the heavy love you’re carrying.

Eddie: That wasn’t it. Ok, if I’m being honest with myself, I think it was Ana.

Oh this is fun. So you are capable of being real, you just choose not to be. Good to know.

Buck: Uh, I thought things were great with her.

Stop. Lying. You saw Eddie get squirrely when talking about the Christening. You saw Eddie get awkward af when A*a and Christopher came to the firehouse. You’ve seen these issues with your own eyeballs. Great? Really? Yeah, this just makes me think muh boy is oblivious and/or he really was expecting Eddie to come clean about issues related to the shooting, not his love life. This reiterates my point that Buck himself is not nearly done with processing the shooting.

Eddie: She’s been a godsend through all this - staying with Christopher - but I think that’s what’s causing the panic. Somehow it become a ready-made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

This portion of the conversation has been analyzed to bits by many brilliant others. I don’t have anything to add. I’m like, look dude, you already have a family with Buck and Christopher. A*a’s effin’ up your happy healthy family flow. It’s ok, just turn her loose.

Buck: So what are you gonna do?

Buck’s wisdom grows every frickin’ day. He knows this isn’t sustainable for Eddie. He knows that the heart matters. He knows that feelings are real and help us navigate toward a happy life. Action is needed and he’s nudging Eddie in that direction.

Eddie: I think I’m just gonna stick it out. Ana’s been the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon.

Oh dear, Eddie’s overblown sense of duty to everyone but himself strikes again. He can…tolerate… A*a. How romantic!

Buck: Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with.

Um, no. Buck calls shenanigans. He’s not A*a’s bestie but he doesn’t feel any desire whatsoever to have her condemned to a loveless relationship.

Eddie: My kid loves her!

Always putting Christopher first but not realizing that if he isn’t truly happy, Christopher will know because he’s perceptive af. Plus the two haven’t discussed A*a on screen so I’m not convinced Chris loves her as much as Eddie wants to believe.

Buck: Is that enough? Eddie I have been Ana. I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is not all the way in. Deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth, so if you don’t want to hurt Ana, you owe it to her to be honest.

Buck is doing A LOT of work here to help Eddie see that his plan of inaction is not good. He centers Eddie asking him if staying for Chris is enough. When that doesn’t work, he realizes that Eddie doesn’t care about his own heart enough to leave so he changes strategies and puts himself in A*a’s place to invoke some empathy for A*a from Eddie. It’s super…interesting that Eddie doesn’t care enough for A*a to come to this conclusion on his own!!

Eddie: You know it just feels like a lot man.

Why, my dude?? Explain. Could it be that A*a is serving a purpose beyond Chris? Could it be that staying with her helps you avoid, allows you to pretend and be oblivious to deeper truths within your battered but still beating heart? Does she obscure the Buck shaped hole in your ticker?

Buck: Well, go to sleep. You don’t need to decide right now. It’s not like we’re going home anytime soon.

Buck is disappointed, exhausted, and frustrated and it has my dude slinging shade like morning hash. He’s like fine turn a blind eye, ignore your heart it’s cool *all the sarcasm* Then we get the reference to home and the fact that the two of them are far from it at this point and we all know how important home is as a Buddie theme. I wrote a little about it here.

Bonus: Eddie closed his eyes after Buck walked away, the he OPENED them again. He fully saw what Buck was saying. He can’t avoid the truth of his heart for much longer.

Y’all this has GOT to be the season that one or both of these idiots realize their feelings. Excuse me while I end.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! Just wanted to know what you think Charles' route will be alll about, and how would the Ikevamp lore continue from there? Do you think we'll get an Act 3 or more suitors? I absolutely love reading your interesting insights and hearty theories! They're food for my simping soul ♡(> ਊ <)♡ please forgive my fangirling..

Hihi!!! You’re much too sweet, thank you!!! 💛💛💛 you’re always free to simp and fangirl here, haha~

I'm happy to answer as best I can, though honestly I'm not 100% sure given the main story routes all range--both in terms of topic and larger narrative impact. My guess is that it will likely be about Charles' history as somebody who took part in the French revolution, namely his role as an executioner. In line with that, I would address two lines; one from Mozart, one from Dazai.

Mozart in relation to Charles says "I remember that name..." and Dazai says that "He is a young man with many secrets." I think they both speak to a larger consideration with Charles, which is that he is both a famous historical figure but also one that trails so much blood behind him? This is a man who killed people for a living (and in droves), despite being a medical doctor. There is going to be an inevitable mental dissonance that comes with that dichotomy. His life aspiration was to help and heal people, and instead he was called to murder them indiscriminately (and often for reasons that were openly unjust). Much of his energy and disposition feels like a kind of mask; it's intended to disguise what's truly lurking beneath the surface. When people are convinced they're unsightly or monstrous, they can very often overcompensate with buoyant behavior and positivity. Dazai’s main story really felt like it was hammering this concept home, considering Charles’ insistent cheer directed at MC (yet showing Dazai and Faust a great deal of darkness.)

Interesting too, now that I think about it, because there is a kind of foil mechanism that comes with making Charles the antagonist of Dazai’s route. I didn’t realize it until now, but they both hide their secrets--and the true nature of some of their uglier feelings--with a kind of forcible levity. The difference here lies in the state of their baseline energy, the form by which it is expressed. Dazai is one to joke around and make light of (often serious) things, but he does it to a point of absurdity and mild outrage. He has a kind of desire to be chased out the way I understand him (because being chased out means he can leave and avoid the pressure of being real). If he’s not seeking to be chased out, he wants the person to smile/laugh at his blunders. He’s a mood-maker just as his description entails, and as such his goal is always the regulate/influence the emotional tone of a group in a positive way.

Charles, by contrast, avoids transparency by bouncing around and pretending like nothing really gets to him. He’s forthright and bold, but his desire to have fun belies the reality of who he is and who his master is. The impatience, the burning envy that dwells within remains to be seen--and only makes an appearance in flashes. It begs the question as to what it is he’s trying to avoid moving at that speed, as his increasing velocity means a lowered scrutiny and self-awareness (one that limits him just as much as it enables him to keep going). Furthermore, he has some notion of regulating the mood of the group in that he’s often the one who lowers tension between Vlad and Faust with his upbeat attitude. However, I would argue that it isn’t nearly as powerful as Dazai’s fixation with it; when Charles is upset or wants something, he will not hesitate to put his personal needs first (or demand them, even). Dazai does not seem to have this same audacity generally.

There's also the question of what Charles is hiding, other than the obvious historical information we have. I get the feeling something is lurking behind his desperation to believe in the future Vlad wants to create. Maybe it's some desperate wish to atone for what he's done. Maybe he raised that guillotine under some kind of misguided belief that he was restoring the world to order. We believe outlandish things to survive sometimes, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case for Charles. I’d like to see just what it is that makes him tick.

That being said, that doesn't always free us from the truth of what we've done. Sooner or later we're forced to confront and come to terms with it. Dazai's main story (for a short time) forced him to face that gaping maw of trauma, and it was very clear he was not in the slightest bit prepared or able to cope. So there is the question of--if MC confronts him with that--what he will do in response.

I also wouldn't be surprised if he's among the bolder suitors, seeking her affection and body with more insistence than the boys of the mansion. It remains to be seen, but given the impression I've received from him and the rest of the trio...(a note of caution to people uncomfy with that).

I'm interested to see where Charles will go, in that I'm not really sure if he'll skew to the yandere side or the lowkey wants to help people side. He has every potential to become increasingly demanding of MC’s time and attention, trying to monopolize her as much as possible. Burying himself further in denial, never questioning his master. But he also has a kind of hearty maturity at his core that might result from his life experiences, where he acknowledges what he's done and just tries to do the best he can moving forward.

If the latter happens, there is the very real question of what happens with his relationship with Vlad--which is part of the reason I have my doubts about this possibility. In the infamous (and paraphrased) words of Mulaney(? I think it was) "if this is gonna happen Vlad is gonna need to become suddenly cool with a lot of things very fast" LMAO. I don't really see Vlad ceding his control over Charles' mind easily, and I don't see him satisfied with a future of Charles' autonomy. But then, who knows? I may very well be proven wrong

I'm also curious about Charles’ pronounced interest in Comte, this kind of hope for reconciliation. There's a very real chance that could be a focal point, in that Charles wants there to be mingling between the two houses. There are also a lot of problems with this sort of theory in that it would likely require A LOT of development/time to bridge that gap if it was ever bridged, and I don't think Comte would accept anything less than Vlad agreeing to cease and desist his assault on humanity. This potentiality might be more probable for an Act 3 story progression, now that I think about it.

As for Act 3, I'm really not sure who will or won't get one. The only storyline that has been left openly/grossly unfinished is Comte's to my knowledge, largely because of the agreement they made? In all the other routes, there isn't much of a whisper about her turning into a vampire. (Vlad turns her at the end of his route I’ve heard, and as for Faust I don’t know--but I haven’t seen any signs that he would demand it of her so far.) Comte hesitates--but he has every intention of doing it when they feel the time is right. So there's the question of when or how that will happen. In a bday story? In an event story? Act 3? Dunno

I also wonder about how pureblood society and vampire hunters might come into play, but given they exist on the periphery of the game I don’t know if it’s as safe a bet as Comte vs. Vlad continuing their ideological battle.

As for the suitors in general, there is always the potential of antagonist intervention in Act 3? Maybe they heckle their happy ending or throw the relationship into some kind of turmoil, though I'm not sure exactly how that will work since most of the routes end on a pretty resolved note? There's also the reality of all the rivals being murdered in cold blood after their duels. So like ???? Really depends on the direction Cybird wants to take. Expand on the relationship, create new issues/threats--or make Act 3 a more large scale story progression.

There’s also the possibility that the story is expanded by hinging on the timespace complications. If Vlad saw a desolate future, what does that mean for everyone? Will that come to pass--and if so, when? Will he be supported or stopped? What will that entail? Maybe Vlad sees that the desolate future was the product of his own megalomania. Maybe Vlad turns out to be right and drastic action needs to be taken before it gets that far. Whatever the case, I’m interested to see what narrative avenue Cybird will choose.

As for more suitors, I really have no idea given I haven’t seen so much as a whisper of what comes after Charles. I think my best bet would be potential pureblood suitors (maybe the product of Comte/Vlad story continuations), or more roulette famous figures in line with Vlad’s machinations to thwart the suitors. If Michelangelo comes back and throws hands with Leonardo, I will veritably lose my entire mind

[meirmakesstuff]

1/2 Hi Meir! I saw your answer on WWC, and since you mentioned you're professionals, I figured I'd ask directly: I'm writing a second world fantasy with a jewish coded people. I want to be clear in the coding but avoid the "if there's no egypt, how can there be passover?" so I called them Canaanites. I thought I was being clever by hinting in the naming that the whole region does exist, but I've since read that it might've been a slur in fact? Do you have any advice on this?

2/2 I did consider calling the group in question Jewish, but aside from how deeply Judaism is connected to the history of the Israelites, I haven't used any present-day real-world names for any other group, (I did use some historic names like Nubia). I feel like calling only one group of people by their currently used name would be othering rather than inclusive? Or am I overthinking this?

Okay so I want to start out with some disclaimers, first that although WWC recently reblogged an addition of mine to one of their posts, I am not affiliated with @writingwithcolor​, and second that the nature of trying to answer a question like this is “two Jews, three opinions,” so what I have to say about this is my own opinion(s) only. Last disclaimer: this is a hard question to address, so this answer is going to be long. Buckle up.

First, I would say that you’re right to not label the group in question “Jewish” (I’ll get to the exception eventually), and you’re also right in realizing that you should not call them “Canaanites.” In Jewish scripture, Canaanites are the people we fought against, not ourselves, so that wouldn’t feel like representation but like assigning our identity to someone else, which is a particular kind of historical violence Jews continue to experience today. I’ll get back to the specific question of naming in a moment, but because this is my blog and not WWC, and you asked me to speak to this as an educator, we’re going to take a detour into Jewish history and literary structure before we get back to the question you actually asked.

To my mind there are three main ways to have Jews in second-world fantasy and they are:

People who practice in ways similar to modern real-world Jews, despite having developed in a different universe,

People who practice in ways similar to ancient Hebrews, because the things that changed us to modern Jewish practice didn’t occur, and

People who practice in a way that shows how your world would influence the development of a people who started out practicing like ancient Hebrews and have developed according to the world they’re in. 

The first one is what we see in @shiraglassman​‘s Mangoverse series: there is no Egypt yet her characters hold a seder; the country coded Persian seems to bear no relation to their observance of Purim, and there is no indication of exile or diaspora in the fact that Jews exist in multiple countries and cultures, and speak multiple languages including Yiddish, a language that developed through a mixture of Hebrew and German. Her characters’ observance lines up approximately with contemporary Reform Jewish expectations, without the indication of there ever having been a different practice to branch off from. She ignores the entire question of how Jews in her universe became what they are, and her books are lyrical and sweet and allow us to imagine the confidence that could belong to a Jewish people who weren’t always afraid.

Shira is able to pull this off, frankly, because her books are not lore-heavy. I say this without disrespect--Shira often refers to them as “fluffy”--but because the deeper you get into the background of your world and its development, the trickier this is going to be to justify, unless you’re just going to just parallel every historical development in Jewish History, including exile and diaspora across the various nations of your world, including occasional near-equal treatment and frequent persecution, infused with a longing for a homeland lost, or a homeland recently re-established in the absolutely most disappointing of ways.

Without that loss of homeland or a Mangoverse-style handwaving, we have the second and third options. In the second option, you could show your Jewish-coded culture having never been exiled from its homeland, living divided into tribes each with their own territory, still practicing animal, grain, and oil sacrifice at a single central Temple at the center of their nation, overseen by a tribe that lacks territory of their own and being supported by the sacrifices offered by the populace.

If you’re going to do that, research it very carefully. A lot of information about this period is drawn from scriptural and post-scriptural sources or from archaeological record, but there’s also a lot of Christian nonsense out there assigning weird meanings and motivations to it, because the Christian Bible takes place during this period and they chose to cast our practices from this time as evil and corrupt in order to magnify the goodness of their main character. In any portrayal of a Jewish-coded people it’s important to avoid making them corrupt, greedy, bigoted, bloodthirsty, or stubbornly unwilling to see some kind of greater or kinder truth about the world, but especially if you go with this version. 

The last option, my favorite but possibly the hardest to do, is to imagine how the people in the second option would develop given the influences of the world they’re in. Do you know why Chanukah is referred to as a “minor” holiday? The major holidays are the ones for which the Torah specifies that we “do not work:” Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, and the pilgrimage holidays of Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot. Chanukah developed as a holiday because the central temple, the one we made those pilgrimages to, was desecrated by the invading Assyrian Greeks and we drove them out and were able to re-establish the temple. That time. Eventually, the Temple was razed and we were scattered across the Roman Empire, developing the distinct Jewish cultures we see today. The Greeks and Romans aren’t a semi-mythologized ancient people, the way the Canaanites have been (though there’s increasing amounts of archaeology shedding light on what they actually might have been like), we have historical records about them, from them. The majority of modern Jewish practice developed from the ruins of our ancient practices later than the first century CE. In the timeline of Jewish identity, that’s modern.

The rabbinic period and the Temple period overlap somewhat, but we’re not getting into a full-scale history lesson here. Suffice it to say that it was following the loss of the sacrificial system at the central Temple that Judaism coalesced an identity around verbal prayer services offered at the times of day when we would previously have offered sacrifices, led each community by its own learned individual who became known as a rabbi. We continued to develop in relationship with the rest of the world, making steps toward gender equality in the 1970s and LGBT equality in the 2000s, shifting the meaning of holidays like Tu Bishvat to address climate change, debating rulings on whether one may drive a car on Shabbat for the sake of being with one’s community, and then pivoting to holding prayer services daily via Zoom.

The history of the Jews is the history of the world.  Our iconic Kol Nidrei prayer, the centerpiece of the holiest day of the year, that reduces us to tears every year at its first words, was composed in response to the Spanish Inquisition. The two commentators who inform our understanding of scripture--the ones we couldn’t discuss Torah without referencing even if we tried--wrote in the 11th and 12th centuries in France and Spain/Egypt. Jewish theology and practice schismed into Orthodox and Reform (and later many others) because that’s the kind of discussion people were into in the 19th century. Sephardim light Chanukah candles in an outdoor lamp while Ashkenazim light Chanukah candles in an indoor candelabrum because Sephardim developed their traditions in the Middle East and North Africa and the Ashkenazim developed our traditions in freezing Europe. There are works currently becoming codified into liturgy whose writers died in 2000 and 2011. 

So what are the historical events that would change how your Jewish-coded culture practices, if they don’t involve loss of homeland and cultural unity? What major events have affected your world? If there was an exile that precipitated an abandonment of the sacrificial system, was there a return to their land, or are they still scattered? Priority one for us historically has been maintaining our identity and priority two maintaining our practices, so what have they had to shift or create in order to keep being a distinct group? Is there a major worldwide event in your world? If so, how did this people cope?

If you do go this route, be careful not to fall into tropes of modern or historical antisemitism: don’t have your culture adopt a worldview that has their deity split into mlutiple identities (especially not three). Don’t have an oppressive government that doesn’t represent its people rise up to oppress outsiders within its borders (this is not the first time this has occurred in reality, but because the outside world reacts differently to this political phenomenon when it’s us than when it’s anyone else, it’s a portrayal that makes real-life Jews more vulnerable). And don’t portray the people as having developed into a dark and mysterious cult of ugly, law-citing men and beautiful tearstreaked women, but it doesn’t sound as if you were planning to go there.

So with all that said, it’s time to get back to the question of names. All the above information builds to this: how you name this culture depends on how you’ve handled their practice and identity. 

Part of why Shira Glassman’s handwaving of the question of how modern Jewish practice ended up in Perach works is that she never gives a name to the religion of her characters. Instead, she names the regions they come from. Perach, in particular, the country where most of the action takes place, translates to “Flower.” In this case, her Jewish-coded characters who come from Perach are Perachis, and characters from other places who are also Jewish are described as “they worship as Perachis do despite their different language” or something along those lines (forgive me, Shira, for half-remembering).

So that’s method one: find an attribute of your country that you’d like to highlight, translate it into actual Hebrew, and use that as your name.

Method two is the opposite: find a name that’s been used to identify our people or places (we’ve had a bunch), find out what it means or might mean in English, and then jiggle that around until it sounds right for your setting. You could end up with the nation of the Godfighters, or Children of Praise, The Wanderers (if they’re not localized in a homeland), The Passed-Over, Those From Across The River, or perhaps the people of the City of Peace.

Last, and possibly easiest, pick a physical attribute of their territory and just call them that in English. Are they from a mountainous region? Now they’re the Mountain People. Does their land have a big magical crater in the middle? Craterfolk. Ethereal floating forests of twinkling lights? It’s your world.

The second option is the only one that uses the name to overtly establish Jewish coding. The first option is something Jews might pick up on, especially if they speak Hebrew, but non-Jews would miss. The third avoids the question and puts the weight of conveying that you’re trying to code them as Jewish on their habits and actions.

There’s one other option that can work in certain types of second-world fantasy, and that’s a world that has developed from real-world individuals who went through some kind of portal. That seems to me the only situation in which using a real-world name like Jews, Hebrews, or Israelites would make sense. Jim Butcher does this with the Romans in the Codex Alera series, and Katharine Kerr does it with Celts in the Deverry cycle. That kind of thing has to be baked into the world-building, though, so it probably doesn’t help with this particular situation. 

This is a roundabout route to what I imagine you were hoping would be an easier answer. The tension you identified about how to incorporate Jewishness into a world that doesn’t have the same history is real, and was the topic of a discussion I recently held with a high school age group around issues of Jewish representation in the media they consume and hope to create. Good luck in your work of adding to the discussion.

[equalseleventhirds]

fdsjflsk hello i have had the magnus archives and the web specifically on my mind AGAIN and this is only tangentially related to the convo last night BUT

a lot of ppl have shown up on my & other ppl's posts abt 'wow manipulation and spiders? why??' going 'well but there are spider tricksters in mythology'

and like... yeah, ok, there are. but are there that many, compared to other animal tricksters, and spider not-tricksters? enough to justify the exclusivity of spiders to the one entity??

so i. made a list, as i do. (you can't judge me for this you should know by now i make lists at the SLIGHTEST provocation) actually i made TWO lists, one of spiders in mythology & how they line up with tma's entities, and one of tricksters in mythology. (i knew some of these already but i also got a lot of them off of wikipedia. also tried to avoid detailing the uh. worse aspects of mythologies. we all know abt it but that isn't the point here.)

(we are ignoring for now my theory that the web's actually shit at manipulation and mostly just does control, and considering any spider that does manipulation OR control to be web-aligned)

spiders in mythology (and how they align w/ tma's various entities, if they even do):

anansi: okay i'll give you this one! yeah he is the trickster spider! yeah he lies & manipulates! he's not really uhhhh evil in any way or would inspire ppl to generate fear for the entities to shape themselves to, but ok yeah i'll give you that one as web!

arachne: she literally just wove tapestries? got into a competition with athena and wove a tapestry detailing the infidelities of the gods. like, if anything she is eye, going around revealing truths and stuff.

uttu: mostly seems to be about creation? weaving & plants. hid herself in her web, which isn't manipulation at all, it's just hiding. not rly entity aligned at all, at worst she's probably a victim of like, the hunt? maybe?

iktomi: another trickster! p much the same boat as anansi, where he's not particularly evil, but we'll let him be web.

spider grandmother: she just is helpful!! she creates & guides & protects! no entities.

ai apaec: creator & leader god again. only sometimes a spider.

djieien: just a very strong spider who hid its heart so it couldn't be killed? like, if anything, end.

great goddess of teotihuacan: associated with spiders, maybe not a spider herself? doesn't seem to be much known abt her, but potentially underworld, darkness, earth, creation, lots of things. no mention of manipulation or control.

nareau: another creation god. i guess he does do some arguably flesh-aligned stuff in that creation, but like, so do a lot of other creation myths.

areop-enap: again creation! hmm what a pattern emerges. doesn't seem particularly aligned with any entities.

tsuchigumo: ok i can give you web here i guess? bcos it does trick ppl, even if that tricking also kind of slides into spiral/stranger territory. and hunt territory obvs it literally is there to consume prey. also can give you evil here.

jorogumo: can also be web! there is lying & shapeshifting here, like the tsuchigumo, but slightly less pure evil? there's like, a couple of neutral depictions, but also evil ones. anyway. web.

gamba: not on wikipedia but wikipedia only talks abt the filipino story of the spider who wanted to marry the fly, NOT gamba, and i LOVE gamba. anyway she just created things. got too into her work and turned into a spider. idk what entity is 'fear of being a workaholic' but it's not the web. maybe lonely, since she neglected her family relationships abt it?

conrad of constance: not a spider himself, but drank out of a cup with a spider in it, showing that the cup was not poisoned even tho ppl thought spiders were poisonous. i don't... i don't think this is an entity. hey jonny maybe take some hints here, spiders are not that bad--

robert of bruce: my dude saw a v persistent spider and was inspired! it's chill it's cool! spiders helped scotland gain independence one time! wow no wonder fucking smirke hated them--

pan twardowski: again not a spider himself, but he lives on the moon and a spider hangs out with him and brings him news. a friendly spider! pan twardowski himself can be lonely ig, maybe the spider is eye, but like, a friendly eye.

vedic philosophy: now this is not technically mythology but i thought it was interesting, in this one a spider's web hides the true reality from ppl. could be argued as web but seems pretty much spiral to me? but like, a not v evil spiral, just like. neutral? it's fine.

overall... majority creation gods, actually. very few even evil depictions? wow jonny, rude.

anyway, list of animals (besides spiders) shown as tricksters in mythology:

humans! majority humans!! also like. specifically clowns several times? like, specifically clowns.

just kinda non-animal spirits/beings/whatever? sometimes vaguely humanoid.

rabbits & hares

foxes

coyotes

wolves

g...goats? sort of?? half a goat, anyway, thank you pan.

cats

ravens

mouse-deer! look up mouse-deer you will LOVE them.

monkeys

raccoons

also raccoon dogs

snakes

horses

praying mantises

tortoises

lizards

also a bunch of tricksters who shapeshift into like, a multitude of animals, but given that those are not their primary or even main secondary forms i guess we will not go into those (mostly that would just. take so much time omg.)

i didn't do a full tally, but foxes especially show up a TON, and rabbits or hares quite a bit, so either of those could've been the fear-god of manipulation. if like, we're relying on the 'there are stories about spider tricksters' thing (which we are not, in fact, i think jonny just picked a Cool Literary Symbol and did not think abt the worldbuilding implications so much)

EDIT bcos ppl keep misunderstanding: i don't think tricksters are the main source of the fear of manipulation. i don't even think tricksters should be considered a reasonable source for the web's manifestations. BUT people kept bringing them up when i had issues with the web's spider exclusivity (when both spiders and manipulation SHOULD have multiple metaphors and not be exclusive to each other) and that is why i made this list, thank you.

(also i'm aware there are ways to justify spiders meaning control sometimes. given the worldbuilding of tma, i don't think there's a way to justify them meaning control always. but that's a different post.)

[work-of-waking-up]

In Defense of the Psychopath

Alright, wanna venture into my crazy ass brain? I’m going to start by saying one thing that will set the tone for everything else that follows: Villanelle is not a psychopath in the way that we currently understand them. Why am I even bothering to write about a fictional character, you ask? Because representation is important. Media portrayal of various mental and behavioral health topics (including ones that people might not think need to be discussed) is important and this show has a big audience. I also just want to contribute to the conversations that are taking place because I am seeing A LOT of them and the reason for that I believe boils down to the fact that Jodie makes Villanelle so relatable and people want to know what that means and looks like for them. Even those who felt they could relate to Sandra’s Eve, or the relationship between the two, maybe questioned what that meant the further they went down the path with them. “It’s probably a bad thing I relate to a psychopath, right? But she can’t be a psychopath because she cries and she feels things! Psychopaths don’t cry, which means she isn’t realistic so therefore it’s okay that I relate to her! Right? Or are my assumptions about psychopaths and people with antisocial personality disorder wrong? I relate to Eve but look what she is underneath it all...so does that mean I relate to that part of her too?” Not only is villanelles character relatable, but people see the freedom inherent within her, the freedom that Eve sees, and they realize that, at least on some level, they want it too. The show has (unintentionally I think) created a massive dialogue which is super cool and you can tell everyone involved on the show is aware of that now, I mean they have a consulting psychiatrist so I think that speaks for itself. This is less of a commentary on the character herself and whether or not she is a genuine psychopath, and more so a commentary on the conversations she has inspired and why... For the record, this is literally just my opinion sprinkled with a few facts, nothing else.

So, the term psychopath gets thrown around in the show, more so in the beginning, MI6 explicitly labels Villanelle this way, even going so far as to use her in a presentation about psychopaths, although I think that was more so to gauge Eve’s response than anything else. The reality of Villanelle, which we come to learn, is that nobody has been able to get close enough to really know the truth. Anna and Konstantin both got close but we never hear either of them use that word (Konstantin says it once but he clearly doesn’t mean it, it was more of an attempted manipulation tactic). They make it clear that she has, and can, and WILL cause damage, but that’s as far as they go. Eve is getting close and she tells Villanelle when they first meet that she knows Villanelle is a psychopath but it’s obvious from Eve's behavior and things she says later on that she truly doesn’t believe Villanelle is what everyone says she is. It’s easier to label her as a psychopath because that alienates and isolates her and her behavior completely. She is an outlier with behavioral anomalies and therefore it isn’t necessary to look any closer. For MI6 and others (not talking about the shows creators) to label Villanelle as a psychopath is easy, it’s lazy, it’s reductive, it serves a single purpose... a means to an end. They (anyone other than Eve basically) simply do not care about Villanelle’s truth. But as an audience we are lucky enough to see more of her with each episode. The psychopath label begins to fade and Oksana is what’s left. We know based on what she has said that she is aware that people think she is a psychopath, a monster, a person built to kill. It’s not always easy to decide that who you are is different from who you’ve always been told you are, especially given her history. Villanelle hasn’t told us yet if she thinks (or knows) that she is a psychopath, but it’s clear towards the end of last season that she no longer wants to be the person that they (meaning the twelve, Dasha, Konstantin, etc.) created. We see moments where she clearly has no remorse and clearly enjoys what she does, but then we have little moments sprinkled in between where she very obviously struggles, even if its short lived. And those moments are important. We have the moment where she struggles with the choice to shoot Konstantin, saying he is a good person, she thinks. This comes shortly after a conversation she had where Irina tells Villanelle she thinks she is a good person because she is sad, so we know she is thinking about it, we know the awareness is there, and it becomes more and more there as times goes on. I like to think of it in terms of having moments that are pure Villanelle (ie the way she killed Inga in the Russian prison), and then we have moments that are Oksana, vulnerable and emotional. Villanelle is a creation and a mask whereas oksana is the truth. Those moments are starting to really mean something. I'm not even going to start with her trip to find her family, that’s its own thing, but it's a Really Big Thing.

So. Villanelle is not a psychopath in the way that we currently understand and perceive them. Yes, she displays psychopathic traits, and yes, she absolutely has antisocial personality disorder. I read an article where the psychiatric consultant for the show (makes it pretty obvious how hard they worked to make Villanelle as realistic as possible) said that the Villanelle in Luke Jenning’s books scored a 32 on Hare’s psychiatric checklist, but I like to think (and I think a lot of people would agree) that number is a bit high, at least for Jodie’s Villanelle, maybe not even hitting 30 at all (close though, let’s be real lol). The max score is 40 which would be a fully blown primary psychopath. For reference, Ted Bundy scored 39. This checklist is flawed though, mostly created and based off the prison population. Which is why it isn’t used as a proper diagnostic tool. 32 is apparently extraordinarily high for a female (think Aileen Wuornos), which brings me to my next point which is that because it’s hard to measure a lot of the classic traits objectively, there is not a ton of solid data surrounding psychopathy, and even less of it is on female psychopaths. Like most things in life, psychopathy exists on a spectrum, there are levels and layers. It’s not black and white, there’s no definitive test (psychopathy isn’t even in the DSM-5 because as I said earlier it’s extremely hard to measure objectively) and it's important to distinguish between someone who exhibits psychopathic traits and someone who is actually an identifiable psychopath. Chances are high that someone you know displays at least one characteristic shared with psychopaths and this doesn’t make them one.

I think what’s important about this is that mental disorders (mental illness/personality disorders/etc.) of any kind are much more nuanced than a lot of people tend to think they are. That they exist less in black and white and more in shades of grey. Jodie Comer is absolutely remarkable for showcasing that through portraying the different layers of Villanelle. Her performance is a literal gift. We cannot keep thinking and acting like we know everything about how a person thinks, feels, and behaves based strictly and entirely on one label. The thing that has stuck out to me the most, the reason I decided to even write this bullshit babble, is that one of the most searched topics about the show is whether or not it’s realistic that Villanelle cries, and honestly how sad is that? That makes me sad for V. Is it more realistic for her to develop connections and cognitive empathy if she was made into a psychopath vs if she was born that way? Is there a legitimate difference between the two? And how do we even decide which one is applicable for someone? It’s important to add that antisocial personality disorder is not the same thing as psychopathy or sociopathy. You can have aspd and not be a psychopath. Research has shown that about only a third of those diagnosed with aspd would meet criteria to be considered a psychopath. Society is not doing a great job at getting people to understand this. But to be fair, understanding personality disorders specifically has been somewhat problematic, a lot of diagnostic confusion and overlap between disorders. A LOT of work needs to be done. But as far as portrayals go, society has strictly chosen to go the route of giving us psychopathic characters and having them be inherently violent, incapable of remorse, feelings, or change. Poverty of all emotions. Subhuman. They are made out to be so abnormal and unrelatable to the point where the character of Villanelle has sparked so much debate and fascination simply because she exists in a way that actually IS relatable...and layered and beautiful and thrilling. We thought she would be the bad guy and yet we root for her at every turn, we cry for her, we want good things for her! We see her darkness and without question or hesitation we forgive it. She makes us question what we’ve previously been shown. Questioning whether or not it’s realistic that she acts the way she does is less important than questioning our own personal assumptions and beliefs and where those come from. I think that’s awesome. Villanelle is truly a gift. She is hands down one of the most well written fictional characters, which is saying a lot considering when you put something, or someone, in a box it doesn’t leave tons of room for expansion. and I honestly don’t even really need to say this, but.. Jodie Comer.

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: episode 12

We start the episode in the Snake Tribe territory, which is supposedly still somewhere within the confines of the Dragon City. It is baffling that it took citizens of this place so long to figure out that there are mysterious beings and demi-humans living among them, it truly is.

While the scene is mostly centred around the conflict between Zhu Hong and her tribe, and the ominous warning of the war brewing, it also does a really lovely joy of showcasing, yet again, the fierce loyalty not only she, but Guo Changcheng have to the SID. This boy remains the most precious muffin of a human.

At the SID, Sang Zan is learning to write under a loving watchful eye Wang Zheng. The once fierce and ruthless warlord is now the softest archivist. On a separate note, I am not sure how good of an archivist he might be considering that he is evidently illiterate.

Anyway, it’s heart-warming to see those two happy together. I sure hope nothing terrible happens to them in the future.

Our actual power couple, on the other hand, have done a full reversal into the relationship they had in the beginning; only it’s somehow even worse now. Shen Wei, who properly messed his cover up during the last adventure, has his guard up as he is being questioned in relation to a case. Zhao Yunlan, who grew to see this man as a friend and partner, is no longer amused by secrets, nor intrigued by them. He is now furious at their existence, upset at what he must perceive as lack of trust on Shen Wei’s part.

Shen Wei serves Zhao Yunlan a cup of tea with a side order of avoidance, hoping that by ignoring the subject of himself it will go away.

When in the previous scenes together they were always across the desk from each other, or next to each other, leaning in closely, body language open, there is now a rift between them. It’s awkward; neither of the men want to be here, but their needs are the opposite to each other, and neither of them are willing to back down.

Shen Wei goes on explaining in great detail his connection to the case and to the victim, despite Zhao Yunlan’s attempt to change the subject with a very unsubtle, “your body surely recovered fast”. The latter then proceeds to stubbornly talk about Shen Wei’s archaic ways, which earns him an incredulous “Are you even listening to me?” from the professor. The incredulity is wonderfully misjudged, considering the circumstances.

“I only want to hear you tell the truth”

We rarely see Zhao Yunlan open and vulnerable. I can’t off the top of my head remember him ever being open and vulnerable with anyone who is not Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan operates on false bravado, aggressive charm, weaponised smiles. But with this man, he purposefully lowers his guard. I trust you, he seems to say, and I always have. Why can you not trust me?

Shen Wei gulps.

He then continues talking about the case, which is the last straw for Zhao Yunlan, who explodes, smacking his palm hard on the desk.

Shen Wei startles, looking hurt. I just… don’t understand what he was expecting. Once again, this is a man who, from Shen Wei’s perspective, has unmasked him on the first day they met. This is a man who has been poking and prodding him for weeks. And I get that it is hurtful when someone you care about does not respect your boundaries, I do, but truly honestly hoping that the same someone will just accept the relationship terms that have never even been discussed is a little bit unrealistic, especially when Shen Wei is not divulging anything.

Shen Wei is bad at communicating. Which is, I suppose, not news to anyone.

“It seems that Chief Zhao still hasn’t given up on suspecting me.”

“Not suspicion, but lack of understanding.”

Zhao Yunlan is trying very hard. He is trying to close the rift between them: by pulling the chair over next to Shen Wei’s and settling down on it, by reminding Shen Wei how much they have been through together, by telling the man that he is being perplexing. Shen Wei, on the other hand, has raised his barriers all the way back up, smoothly explaining that he is just a normal man who ends up being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He has got a polite smile playing on his lips, his mask fully in place.

Zhao Yunlan does not even pretend to have believed Shen Wei, he gives up on the conversation with a dejected “Fine, forget it.”

He makes his excuses and pulls his phone out to make a call to Wang Zheng to check up on the rest of the team. Just as that happens, the SID gets attacked by the magical sound waves, and Zhao Yunlan sprints into action.

Shen Wei calls after him, and then asks to come with. Considering they have just spent some very awkward time together, more or less fighting about Shen Wei lying an awful lot, Zhao Yunlan would be well within his moral rights to reject help. He doesn’t, however. Even now, the trust he has in Shen Wei  - in his good intentions, in his friendship - is unwavering.

At the SID offices, Tan Xiao is using his sound device to get past the two ghosts energy beings, and break through the safety measures protecting the Hallows. In other news, apart from being susceptible from curses or poisons slipped through the letter box, the SID HQ also does not have anything that might stop a human from breaking into it. How those people survived for this long is a mystery.

A point of complete diversion from me: I am currency watching a contemporary drama entitled To Dear Myself. It’s about young professionals in Shanghai who get their lives broken in about ten different ways; Zhu Yilong’s the leading man; there will definitely be a lengthy think-piece on it here. But the reason I’m bringing that up here is that it also has Chen Weidong, the actor who plays Tan Xiao, as a contextually neurodivergent rich boyfriend of one of the protagonists.

It’s kind of surreal seeing him here; there’s only been about two years between the filming of those two shows, but he looks so different. Oh, and, he is very  good as well.

Back in the world of Guardian, we see Sang Zan shaking off the sound attack and attempting to stop Tan Xiao. He does not succeed as such, but manages to pull a string which activates the Indiana Jones-style set-up with loaded crossbows. It’s very silly; I kind of love it.

While evading the arrows, Sang Zan flings the Awl up in the air, Zhao Yunlan catches it. How close is the University to SID? He took about five minutes to get here! The chief gets a barrage of premonitions which include Zhu Hong knocked out in the future, as well as in the present, and a little sneak-peak into the Disaster Wedding incident.

He then proceeds to pass out into Shen Wei’s slow motion embrace.

There is nothing wrong with this. This is beautiful.

Shen Wei checks on Yunlan briefly, but Tan Xiao goes on the offensive, which deserves him: a) a shot of dark energy right into his chest, which flings him across the space, b) the meanest of Hei Pao Shi’s death glares. This is the moment Tan Xiao earns an uncharacteristically rough treatment he’s going to get at the end of this episode.

She Wei carefully places unconscious Zhao Yunlan next to the wall, calling out his name. We can only presume that the lab has a second exit, as Tan Xiao manages to get away despite the two men currently being more or less in the doorway.

An indeterminate amount of time passes, and Zhao Yunlan wakes on the sofa, Da Qing in human form miaowing at him, his team and Shen Wei nearby. The team goes into a full debrief mode: Wang Zheng reports that she is generally able to repel sound waves, but was taken by surprise; Da Qing and Lin Jin speculate about the shield being affected by the waves as well, since an apparent Undergrounder managed to get through it.

Zhao Yunlan notes that the sound waves ability seems to be doubled, and used for both attack and suggestion. He notes that the powers can be numerous, while grinning conspiratorially at Shen Wei.

Shen Wei quietly despairs. He probably genuinely thought that this conversation was truly over. He takes a few seconds to come to terms with Zhao Yunlan actually teasing him about him maybe being an Undergrounder, before composing himself and stating that compound abilities don’t actually exist.

Da Qing, who doesn’t necessarily pick up what this conversation really is about, but does note that *something* is up with those two, comes to his own conclusions, asking Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan to stop flirting.

Lin Jing comes up up with this.

“Comrades!”

Thank you, Viki subbers, for notifying the audience that the word “Comrade” is also a slang for “gay”.

Lin Jing springs to his feet, saying that he needs a sample test of a human consciousness - presumably to create that clever brain chip of him which would make one immune to the wound wave powers. Zhao Yunlan very theatrically feigns a big scary headache to see whether Shen Wei would volunteer to take the test in his stead to spare him the pain. It’s an underhand move, but it works nonetheless.  

We briefly return to the Snake Tribe, or, more specifically to Zhu Hong’s Fourth Uncle asking whether she is still mad at him, while she is forcibly restrained and bound to a pillar. What is it with this show and binding people to pillars? In reality, the one bound to a pillar is actually Guo Changcheng, which the Fourth Uncle doesn’t pick up on even through Xiao Guo is not actually wearing the clothes Zhu Hong arrived in. Zhu Hong springs the trap, plies her uncle with the same wine, and then goes to regroup with the others, leaving Xiao Guo behind for the time being, because, I guess, it makes more sense for Zhu Hong to be alone when she gets hypnotised later in the episode.

Honestly, it’s easier to not think about too much about this scene, so let’s return to the main characters.

Lin Jing is just finishing the experiment on Shen Wei, who is lying on the lab bed in his undershirt, seemingly asleep. I would assume that Shen Wei has gone into some kind of a meditative trance to try and affect the way his own brain works and emulate the human activity. He does not stir when Zhao Yunlan walks over, and call him.

“Shen Wei? Professor Shen?”

Having received no response, Zhao Yunlan leans in to…

... Count this man’s eye lashes? Admire the effects of his skincare routine?

Oh, no, sorry. Here’s the excuse.

Thank you, Guardian, for this moment.

As Shen Wei wakes up and rises, he lets Zhao Yunlan know in no uncertain terms that he did see through his ruse.

“You don’t have a headache anymore?”

This snaps Yunlan out of gazing at Shen Wei with barely contained lust to pretend that his head indeed still hurts. Considering that Shen Wei does not look concerned, and knowing that Zhao Yunlan’s health and well-being is his number one priority in life, we can conclude that he did know that a headache was just an excuse to get Shen Wei out of his shirt check Shen Wei’s brain activity. Our professor collects his things and leaves with a brief goodbye.

Lin Jing is staring at the readings, checking that the computer has worked properly. Noticing that something is wrong, Zhao Yunlan asks, “Did you see live pornography in his head or something?” Not that I blame his for his mind being the gutter, but also, wow Zhao Yunlan’s mind is in the gutter.

Lin Jing dismisses the idea of mind reading as a whole, and shares his findings that Shen Wei’s consciousness was unwavering, like a dead man’s. Unfortunately for Shen Wei, whatever it was that he did to appear human has not worked well at all.

Zhao Yunlan smirks.

Outside of the SID building, Shen Wei is still frozen in place, contemplating his future actions as he is thumping the Pendant of Pining.

“Should I tell him after all?”

Yes, Shen Wei, you should.

“If I tell him, will that put him in danger?”

I am afraid the the good ship Zhao Yunlan Being In Danger sailed the day Zhao Yunlan became Lord Guardian and Chief of the SID.

(Am I again getting unreasonably frustrated with a fictional character of a show that aired several years ago? You bet I am.)

What follows in the episode is a brief interlude of Zhu Jiu being horrible to Tan Xiao, and making inappropriate comments about him and Zheng Yi. We also learn some of Tan Xiao’s backstory, which expands on his character and explains that the reasons he felt so protective of the little girl was because she reminded him of a sister he once had.

Back to SID offices.

Zhao Yunlan is doodling Shen Wei and the Envoy as he tries to reconcile the two in his mind.

It does sound like he still has doubts that the two are the same person, despite the overwhelming pile of evidence that made him draw to this conclusion in the first place. If anything, it is quite surprising that it took him this long to figure out that the enigmatic mysterious handsome professor and the enigmatic mysterious handsome Envoy are the same person. It is also curious that he seems to think the Envoy is much taller.

Da Qing watches his friend’s mental agony in absolute bewilderment.

Very shortly, they will get a ping for the sound wave energy from somewhere close to Zhu Hong’s home and rush to the scene to find that Zhu Hong has, indeed, been put under mind control, as she attacks Chu Shuzhi.

Here’s another piece of fight choreography for me to tear into.

Okay, good things first. I really like that the actors are doing their own fighting. Jiang Mingyang is generally looking good in combat, and his reactions continue to be on point. Gao Yuer is very flexible, and her kicks are great.

The fight itself however, is another example of the time/money constraints.

The opening punch is… fine. They do lock arms for a split second, which indicates that Zhu Hong properly swung that in rather than stopping the energy, but they are also out of distance, so safety-wise that’s okay-ish, and at full speed it looks alright . But the way Lao Chu is sticking his thumb out and then wraps that around Zhu Hong’s wrist just gave a full body shudder. This is how one gets they thumb dislocated (which I have never done myself, but I hear is very painful) and/or gives their partner a nasty bruise. For anyone out there who needs to hear this, if you ever perform a fight, please tuck your thumbs in line with your fingers and avoid hurting yourself and others. Doing otherwise adds nothing apart from a small but completely avoidable risk of injury.

Then there is this kick-punch-kick combination.

The three moves in isolation are good, but they don’t flow together, at all. I think, and this is pure speculation, that the sweeping punch in the middle was actually meant to follow the previous two moves, then the kick would come next, leading into Chu Shuzhi restraining Zhu Hong. That first kick (which is the same as the third kick, shot from a different angle) just does not belong there as a follow-up to the two punches. I can speculate that it was cut there because it looked cool - which it does - but it also sacrifices any hope this fight had for coherent storytelling.

Then there is a capture and a swivel, very similar to the finishing move used in Zhu Jiu/Sang Zan fight in episode 11. Zhu Hong gets pressed against the tree, and the team shows up to sedate her and bring her back to the headquarters.

Tan Xiao and Zheng Yi watch this scene unfold at a distance, as Zhao Yunlan appears behind them. The SID chief calmly lets Tan Xiao know that he’s been abandoned by Zhu Jiu, and the other man offers no resistance to being captured.

The narrative brings us to the boxing ring, introducing us to it as Zhu Jiu’s energy farm, and then briefly cuts to SID, where Chu Shuzhi realises that they have not retrieved Guo Changcheng. The puppet master springs into action, leaving Lin Jing to wonder since when his friend is so protective of the rookie. If he paid attention, he would have noticed that Chu Shuzhi was protective of the rookie since day one.  

We then move to the interrogation of Tan Xiao, which is happening in the hospital set, with Zheng Yi tucked into the hospital bed, even through it was never established that she would need medical attention, and, considering that she would have no issues walking out of the hospital very shortly, she clearly does not. Here, we see some more flashbacks, detailing Tan Xiao and the girl’s backstory, the abuse she suffered, and the bond the two forged. The young man is admitting to all the crimes he had not committed to protect her, and Zhao Yunlan is honestly moved. He sounds almost regretful when he lets Tan Xiao know that he will still be persecuted for his crimes.

Right on cue, Hei Pao Shi portals in.

Zhao Yunlan greets him with a customary “long time no see”, but the most acknowledgement he receives from Shen Wei is a side-eye which does not even focus on his face.

In fact, the Envoy is doing as much as he can to avoid even turning to Zhao Yunlan. He simply announces his purpose to the room in general and teleports Tan Xiao away. It’s easy to see what he is doing. In Shen Wei’s mind, the less communication he has with Zhao Yunlan as Hei Pao Shi, the better are his chances to separate his two personalities in the eyes of the other man. That said, showing an abrupt and uncharacteristic change of behaviour is the opposite of suspicious.

Even Da Qing notices the change Hei Pao Shi.

“Lao Zhao, what did you do to upset him? You used to do small talk, not anymore?”

Zhao Yunlan smirks, replying that he knows the reason why. He then notices the little girl crying, and goes to comfort her the only way he knows how, with a lollipop. When that does not work, he gestures for Da Qing to leave with him, and returns with a familiar black cat and an adorable “ta-dah”. It’s so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.

As this is going on, Hei Pao Shi is being his glorious over the top avenging self. For one, he is actually floating above Tan Xiao, which I don’t think he ever seen him do before. He then proceeds to throttle the young man, lifting him in the air and throwing him back on the ground.

He does so in order to shake the sound wave equipment out of him, sure, but it is easy to assume that Tan Xiao also brought the Envoy’s wrath onto himself by his misguided attempt to hurt Zhao Yunlan earlier that day. It’s deliciously petty; we know that the best way to earn Shen Wei’s ire is by threatening his companion. And, to be fair, Shen Wei had a bad day: this is as good a way as any to get some of that ancient anger out of his system.

As Hei Pao Shi realises that the man he arrested is a simple human armed with some clever technology, and the real homicidal Undergrounder is the girl he is protecting, so does Zhao Yunlan. Even miles away, even when they are having arguments, their analytical brains still work in sync. And, as plot twists go, this one is neat, albeit not entirely unpredictable.

Unfortunately, realising that the girl is dangerous, brings along a realisation that Zhao Yunlan left his friend in her care. He rushes to the hospital to check on Da Qing, finding the ward empty. If this was Zhu Jiu’s plan all along, it’s a good one: having access to a brainwashed SID member would also spell easy access to the headquarters and the Hallows - which is exactly where Zheng Yi leads Da Qing, taking the Hallows and leaving the Yashou to go into a berserk mode as he imagines or remembers Zhao Yunlan/Kunlun saying “I will abandon you”

Next up, episode 13: The Disaster Wedding.

——

Notes.

Every time Shen Wei lies my brain supplies me with Why You Always Lying song. Every. Single. Time. Which means I sing it a lot around the flat, to my partner’s great chagrin.

Whoooo boy and I thought the Episode 10 recap was the crackiest one I’ve done.

[whisperingrockers]

would u. i dunno. perhaps articulate some thots on toh infinity train au 😳 if u can

HM. i will do my best. but...i dont really know how to organize my thoughts.  i guess i should probably just start with the characters and go from there, huh. also in this particular au these characters don’t actually take the place of tulip, lake, jesse, grace, etc- i think they’re all just there under different circumstances. 

Luz

okay so we’ll start with Luz because. she’s the main character, y’know. very important. i think the catalyst that brings her to the train is her mother signing her up for Reality Check summer camp because as a creative it’s just! disheartening to have someone you love tell you that you’re not going to make it in this world if you don’t conform to what everyone else wants. so of course when a huge mysterious locomotive suddenly pulls up to the bus stop you KNOW luz gets on, no hesitation. after all, isn’t that something right out of a sci-fi adventure novel? 

unlike tulip, luz is THRILLED to find herself on some unknowable train where each car is a new adventure just waiting to happen, where there are always new friends to make, new places to see, and tons of puzzles to solve? she’s made to feel like the protagonist right out one of her fave animes. 

also, really important to note that her number is probably tied to how she relates to the other passengers on the train. i feel like there’s an overarching theme in the show about how luz is going through a lot of firsts when it comes to interpersonal relationships, especially friendships, so i wanted to keep that going in this au- i imagine her number goes up when she finds her friends tapes and convinces them to watch with her because this is obviously the easiest and most straightforward way to get to know them! (luz poppin that bad boy into a vcr player: this mama is ready for trauma!) 

realized how wordy this is going to be LOL

Eda

hough so this is a human au also (i assume? infinity train world really do be existing in some limbo state of reality where your reflection can just up and ditch you). i see her as a jack of all trades, master of none type, with a lean towards perfumes and handmade soaps that she sells at fairs or farmers markets and also pickpocketing. i think she sees something that reminds her of the life she used to have/would have had before lilith [redacted because i do not know what she DID yet but on GOD we will have canon continuity] and that drives her to get on the next train headed anywhere.

her number is tied to how much she allows herself to open up; the more she uses her salesman cover to keep others at arms length, the higher her number goes, which is why it’s so important for her to team up with King and Luz; they help her open up and be more honest with herself.  

King

king is actually a denizen of the train in this au; i love him too much to turn him into a real ass dog, so i wont. eda meets him in a car full of plush toys, which he refers to lovingly as his army of the damned. i almost want to hold off on writing up any more for him because i know there’s more to king’s character than meets the eye. still torn between eda trying to bring him off the train with her or having him realize that the whole TRAIN is HIS KINGDOM, and all its passengers loyal peons who need their mighty rulers HELP, for without him they would PERISH.

for now though eda sees him and is immediately like get over here (reaching emoji) 

Willow 

willow is a tough one for me because in all honesty having your longtime friend tell you out of the blue that they can’t be friends with you anymore would be enough to send me packing to the train, but with willow i think it’s less about amity and more about how the fallout between them affects her social and academic success. the frustration reaches a tipping point that has her running out of the classroom and finding the train. 

and yes, willow is a very sensible, bright girl, but she was also SO ready to trick the principle and steal from the emperor for her friend so i don’t think getting on a mystery train is wholly out of the question for her, y’know? 

There’s a lot about repression in the way willow deals with things generally, so her number is tied to passivity. the more she allows others to infringe on her personal boundaries to keep them placated, the higher her number goes. when she stands up for herself to others (sometimes even her friends!) the number goes up. willow x agency and clear limitations is my otp

Gus

gus was actually a SUPER easy one for me we know so much about him from the episodes he’s been in; he’s an overachiever, he’s passionate about what he loves, he’s a natural showman, and he is constantly pushing himself to be the best that he can be, all the time. the hustle doesn’t STOP for gus, and i...i...(tears up) 

anyways, i think the thing that draws him to the train is getting suddenly ousted from the club he formed at school. he’s young, and having everyone you had assumed were your friends turn their back on you and throw you out of the space that you CREATED FOR THEM would be shocking to anyone, but it broke gus’ heart clean in two. after he’d picked his bag and himself up off the hallway floor, he’d left the building in a daze, not even realizing as he boarded the train door that had suddenly opened up in front of him until it was too late. 

i’m actually going to go so far as to say that gus would likely be the one MOST interested in the truth of the train- he’d be asking the tough questions, like what is the purpose of the train? who made it and its technology? where does it exist that it can be both at his school and also speeding across a barren desert landscape at the same time? How does it create sentient lifeforms? the train helps him discover a new passion; journalism. he finds a journal that speaks to him as a friend and advisor in one of the trains, and he takes careful note of everything that happens to and around him. by the time he meets up with willow, he’s got so many ideas and theories that the other girl would have never thought to consider until that very moment. 

idk what his number relates to because he’s perfect the way he is but if i had to take a shot in the dark it probably has something to do with finding somewhere he feels he can belong, as well as being able to mourn and let go of the people he’d considered his friends before he’d gotten on the train. 

sorry this is so long i just have a lot of . gus feelings. 

Amity ( + Edric + Emira )

lumping these whites together 

okay so nobody wants to hear me talk about blight angst there are 800 posts about blight angst, so long story short the three siblings run away, get into an argument with each other, amity ditches them for the train while they’re asleep, and the twins panic and chase after her, determined to find her because in the end they’re all they’ve got. 

‘next stop: amity blight’ 

i think it’d be a cool journey to see the three of them going from ‘we need to be together out of necessity’ to ‘we need to be together because we love each other, and that genuine support structure will pull us through when everything else fails.’ but in order for that to happen they all have to have their own journey, so at some point edric and emira finally get into a spat and that’s enough to get edric and emira stuck on opposite ends of a retracting bridge. send that mans to the BACK of the train. 

emira: my greatest fear is being stuck with edric forever emira: (gets separated from edric)  emira: haha wait please say psyche

amity’s number is definitely tied to her fear of failure, of not being enough for the people she holds closest to her- in this case her siblings, and then lilith, and then luz when they finally meet. when she acts without concern for what the people around her think and when she sticks up for what she knows is right, even when the majority is against her, her number goes down. 

for ed and em im...i don’t want to think about their feelings because they’re supposed to be clowns but i am forced to consider that they may be jealous of their sisters independence. also separating them means they both have to take responsibility for all their own actions and choices, which is probably pretty new for the twins. 

Lilith 

im out of energy actually znzzzsnsz uh. estranged sister who sees something that reminds her of the relationship she used to have and she’s not actually as over it as she thought so the train....she..hghrg