#when a big dog is reactive it looks scary

[unintentional-sad-wizard]

Augh. Ranger seems to be developing some reactivity towards people and I’m stressed about managing that. Time to do research.

[ennwen]

"Fake Service Dog" videos

I'm gonna be blunt here: they suck

I see so many "fake service animal compilation" videos on YouTube and I've watched maybe one or two of them, and I want to say:

THEY ARE HARMFUL TO THE SERVICE DOG COMMUNITY

Yes, I do understand that they spread awareness of how big the problem is, but I see them so abundantly and frequently, and what I've seen some of them don't even warrant be filmed or at least posted ONLINE because some dogs aren't causing a large problem.

Ninety-Nine to 100% of these videos are posted without consent. While having a fake service dog is a crime, so is filming and sharing a video of someone without consent. A crime does not fix a crime (usually).

I'm not saying that it isn't ever okay to film something like this, because I completely understand needing proof, but in my opinion, these videos need to stay between the service dog handlers, the people who care for them, and store managers at least 80% of the time.

Too many people do bring untrained pets into stores and it's ridiculous seeing people not being able to control a reactive dog and not doing anything to correct them. It's stupid, and it makes it hard for Service Dogs and SDiT's to stay focused. It's enraging sometimes with how much shit we already have to deal with.

But taking the effort to film a pet in the store and posting it online for thousands of millions of people to see could put you and whoever you're filming in danger. Not only this, but when people with Service Dogs start to yell and make a big deal about it, it makes the situation stressful for everyone in the mix, probably usually including the handlers filming. It also creates bad representation for the community imo, and it's the reason some people call us "Karen's". Telling someone that they shouldn't bring their fake service dogs into the store is one thing, but yelling it after them over and over does nothing but attract attention to the real SD handler and the dog. There's also the fact that Most of these people already know what they are doing, and doing these things are virtually useless unless you can talk about the situation to a manager or the authorities. Most of the videos don't teach anything, and a compilation of these out of control dogs make the public even more skeptical about service animals.

Not only this, but they can also make Service Dog and SDiT handlers more nervous about going into public. What happens if your SD pukes or has diarrhea out of the blue (shit literally happens) and someone films and posts it online? What happens if your SDiT sees something scary they haven't before and reacts differently than you've trained them to and it becomes a viral sensation? There's no way of telling what situation an animal is in either. The person you could be filming may be homeless and not have a way of keeping their pet at home. They might be a older looking child/teen who doesn't know the laws on SD's.

Almost every other type of video is absolutely fine to post online and I wish I would see more of them. Public access issues where someone is being denied service, videos where the handler is showcasing/talking about tasks or showing how they've been trained, videos showing/saying that service dogs are still dogs and make mistakes are my favorite type of video because they inform instead of cause more drama within the community.

I'm not saying all of these videos are harmful, but a majority of them don't need to be posted online. It makes me uncomfortable.

Anyways I guess this was kinda just a vent. Thanks for reading if you read all the way to the end and don't be afraid to let me know what you think about them or if you have a different opinion in a respectful way!

[odettecarotte]

I've been reading Avgi Saketopoulou, who looks like this:

Her bio on the Division 39 website states: "Avgi’s love of psychoanalysis and of queers is rivaled only by her love of motorcycles."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been seduced by her in three different ways.

First, my beloved supervisor loves her and now Saketopoulou, her ideas and her demeanor, is part of our growing "relational third." Becky had me read the article "The Draw to Overwhelm" two years ago. The only other person I know who has read this independently of my recommendation is a dominatrix in New York who cites it on her website. It is a secret society of freaks.

Second, Saketopoulou writes kind of like she looks in this picture: like a brilliant, demanding and inventive top who can also see into your very soul. Her agility with language and theory is almost scary. One is not surprised that this is the psychoanalyst who gave us the concept of "exigent sadism."

Third: I watched one of her lectures over Zoom. The man who introduced her was an old, white psychoanalytic dick and probably most of the participants were, too. He mispronounced her name. Despite what I perceived to be a hostile audience, a woman of color spoke during the time for questions at the end. She evidently felt safe enough to share the hint of a personal disclosure, the kind which can ignite a shitstorm of ignorant reactivity in such a group. Avgi held the woman in a welcoming, respectful compassion. You could feel it in her gaze, her voice, and what she attended to in the woman's words. It was Marina Abromovic "the Artist is Present" level of connection with a stranger in a performance space. Over Zoom! No one said anything disrespectful after. Avgi protected the woman and let her have her process.

When I got Sexuality Beyond Consent, I cracked it open then put it down after a few pages. It felt dense, like the author was using big words to obscure some Yeah Duh ideas. I had wanted to love it, so I was disappointed. I avoided engaging with it. I resisted. (I was also depressed because of Gaza and my dog dying, not in the mood for anything else hard.)

When I finally felt strong enough to pick it back up again, whew! I have been cracked open by it on an intellectual level the way Mark Lanegan's "Whiskey for the Holy Ghost" cracked me open on a spiritual and emotional level in December 2021. Like, I'm scared by how deeply it affected me and how much I loved it! Yet my love is undeniable!

[hag-o-hags]

There's a trainer in my area who's apparently considered a ~wonderworker~ with Problem Dogs. My friend took her boy to this lady's program and came back with

Detailed instructions for using the shock collar

Spray bottle

Wand of Rolled Up Newspaper

Bigger issue with defensiveness over the dog's behavior, reactivity, and needs than before

NOW, this poor boy won the Behavioural Issues Lottery

(weened at 4 weeks)

(because his dam was too young and trying to kill her litter)

(herding dog mix)

(first 13ish months living mostly in an apartment)

(mom works in the hospitality industry so schedule and stability for dog is NOT GREAT!)

(several issues with VERY BAD pet sitters) (all relatives of mom or other mom) (moms were furious and none of those people are allowed to be alone with EITHER dog)

so like. I'm not at all gonna pretend like this kiddo doesn't have some pretty bad issues. I've been on the receiving end of his warnings a couple times, but he was warning me -- very clear visual snarl that he didn't want me near the barrier that he was behind (kennel once, pet gate once). I backed off and we were immediately cool. I got some sniffs when we were back on the same side of the gate.

And that's my thing with this boy. He's got Needs. Me too man, I'm right there with you.

I'm pet sitting right now, and in all honesty, all we're doing is hanging out. Nobody's getting redirected beyond "don't jump on me, and quit mouthing my sleeve". We had one incident of Misdemeanor Countersurfing and Resource Guarding with Intent. And I know -- I know -- how scary and intimidating it is to be on the receiving end of a reactive dog's warning! Second Mom is very scared of trying to take food from him and they have a whole protocol that uses the Wondertrainer's techniques.

But all he needed to give up the forbidden food was a normal ass dog biscuit. Swapsies, nabbed the remains, reactivity back to zero.

This dog, not least because of Our Lady of Aversion Training, is treated like a live grenade and the moment something SLIGHTLY bad happens, oh god no, klaxons, strobing lights, women and children to the lifeboats first.

He's not, though, he's just a boy who has had ALL his boundaries and communication ignored, and people are stressed out AT him. All the time. I'm sitting outside writing this, and the dogs run up, get up in my business hoping that this is a Sharing Doughnut I've got here (NOPE!!!!!) We started this weekend with him kinda sorta being okay with some ear scritches after he gave my hand a good sniff. This morning he wasn't fully sure about me initiating head pets, but he communicates that super clearly if you know what you're looking at. I'd offer, he'd get tense, I'd back off, and WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN KNOW. Now he running up and shoving his head into my elbow for pets.

BECAUSE IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL WHEN HE TOLD ME NO. Nothing he can do can make me freak out, so HE'S not gonna freak out.

Super bonus, I've been working on muzzle desensitizing with him as well, because right now the method is Mom And Only Mom Traps Him And Tough Tits If You Miss The First Time, Call The Vet to Say We'll Be Really Really Late. Which. Mmrg. Muzzle was a requirement to attend the Wonderclasses, which I get, it's a basket muzzle, we want everyone to stay safe. I guess the instructions were "Bring the dog muzzled and shock collared and be prepared to zap him if he gets aggressive or out of line." (FUCKIN. WHAT ARE PEOPLE PAYING THIS LADY FOR. JESUS FUCKING. SHRIEK.) (I mean where even is the fucking spray bottle in this hierarchy? FUCK.)

Anyway, boyo does not care if I walk around with the muzzle, will HAPPILY eat peanut butter off a plate with the muzzle ... this is a very, very teachable dog. He's not a live grenade, he's like. At WORST a firework. If you're a moron and you fuck around, sure. Finding out may involve losing your arm. But MAYBE you shouldn't have been fucking around that hard and engaged your giant primate brain for 12 seconds. Don't try to douse a fire with gasoline maybe?

[wyrddogs]

I wish I didn't feel like a garbage trainer all the time. It makes it hard to track my progress with the puppy. (Is he actually doing good or am I deluding myself? Is he actually improving or is he going to be like this his entire life?)

I'm basically doing two fake-canicross walks per day (when we're not doing offleash walks) to get him tired. The rule is he can pull as much and as hard as he likes as long as it is in the direction I tell him to pull. No lunging, backflips, barking, etc. Since I want to bikejor with him later I very much do not want to discourage pulling, and we can work on directionals and pulling into pressure now.

Zaku has extremely high prey drive and is extremely critter-y. According to his breeder, both parents have extremely high prey drive and do not critter at all. I've been teaching him that he can be as excited as he wants about critters as long as he translates that into pulling in the direction I tell him to. I learned this technique when training Bindi for bikejoring. If he tries to stop/stalk, I increase the pressure on the leash, and he automatically pulls into it, and I praise.

I've noticed that he's started to keep an ear slightly turned towards me even when he's in critter mode. If he tries to dart sideways I can go "ah-ah!" and he'll correct himself. He's allowed to pull as much or as little as he wants, and after a few good hard pulls, sometimes he'll see a squirrel, get tall, think about how hard he's going to have to work, and then look away/sniff the ground to calm himself down. He's just started doing that this week. He's also started offering a lot of LLW and walks quietly next to me. (I'm training LLW completely separately on his flat collar.)

Yesterday I started asking for recall/sit/down when we have passed a critter but he's still in prey mode. Once he's gotten the adrenaline rush out of the way he is super amendable to obedience training. Offers eye contact and snappy sits. Still needs to be lured into a down but he'll kick his hip over and settle. I also get a really lovely head-snap recall. He also will check in with me and ask for body rubs. This morning we did sit/down pushups a few feet from a squirrel that was begging me for food. It was behind Zaku so he couldn't see it, but he knew it was there because I'd recalled him off it. He's not ready to offer any engagement when he has eyes on a critter but I think that offering engagement when he knows it's there and can hear it is a big improvement from even last week.

After his second walk of the day and he's good and tired, I do LLW training. Yesterday we walked around a tree with squirrels and he was very amendable to yielding to leash pressure (on his flat collar) for cheese. Today I took him to a grocery store and walked back and forth in front of the entrance around people and shopping carts and he was fantastic.

I'm basically making shit up and modifying the reactivity training I did with Bindi. Using the pull-into-pressure technique was unbelievably successful with getting her to tolerate scary sounds. Once she burned through the adrenaline she was able to self-soothe and offer me engagement and take food, even if the scary sound repeated. There's an FDSA seminar on drive that I'm signed up for, which I'm looking forward to. Zaku is the driviest dog that I have personally worked with, so I'm feeling a bit out of my depth.

[gh0stgourd]

Ayo ol' buddy ol' pal. How much wet cement do you think you could eat by the spoonful before you Die? And also tell us about your frenrey thing. Peace ✌️

ignoring the first question. I tend to refer to this au as my “gods au” because while the series itself takes place in a video game, gman, tommy, and benrey are all eldritch gods in the real world. They didn’t create anything, just kind of hang around and mess with people. They do pick favorites though, gman likes crows, tommy likes dogs and mean people, and benrey kind of just, fucks around. Benrey is the youngest and likes to shapeshift in the woods, woods that happen to be in gordon’s backyard. Gordon lives in a small town and has never felt like he fits in. going to church in a skirt/dress makes him uncomfortable and he’s gotten into a few fights with his parents about it. none of the other kids really seem to understand what he’s talking about and they think all of his interests are strange. So he goes to the woods behind his house A Lot. one day he finds a kid that looks… Weird to say the least. Short, a little stocky, long stark black hair that casts a shadow on his face you can’t see past, and the most striking blue eyes you’ve ever seen. Gordon is reasonably freaked out by this, frankly kind of scary, kid in his backyard, but they end up being friends. They work together on picking out a name for benrey since everytime gordon asked he would just shrug. They settle on ben. They hang out everyday, and one day, ben decides that gordon can’t come hang out until he sees his passport. Something that gordon finds very funny and he immediately pulls out a notebook from his backpack and tears out a piece of paper. He writes passport in big letters and makes one for ben too. Now everytime gordon enters the forest he has to have his passport out and ready to go. The thing is, gman being the most powerful of the three, has set a rule that they aren’t allowed to directly interact with humans. Upon finding out what benrey has been doing, he immediately wipes gordon’s memory of ben and everything associated with him. He makes it so gordon can’t even see ben until later. After about 2 years of hanging out with gordon everyday, this fucks benrey up a little bit. He follows gordon his whole life. watches him move out of his parents after coming out as a man, to living with his grandparents, to going to MIT, getting stuck in an office job, adopting joshua. Gordon gets really into the half life video game series, gets into modding the games as a hobby, like Really gets into it. Maybe develops a fictional crush on barney calhoun (thus ben becoming benrey, for completely not gay reasons). Now tommy loves his best friend benrey and is a little concerned with his obsession with this one random human, so he also ends up keeping an eye on gordon. Joshua is at his great grandparents house for the week, so gordon boots up his newest mod, making some select ai more reactive, aware, and the vr port. At this point tommy is also pretty interested in what gordon gets up to, so he goes to his dad. Gman, while not caring the slightest about benrey, would do anything for his son, so when tommy asks if he can check out this fun project and indirectly directly interact with this human, he says yes. In fact, as if to spite benrey, they’re All going to get in on this. By entering this game, they infect the ai, making them Very self aware, and effectively trap gordon inside. The events of the series ensue. Hey, remember passports? It was benrey desperately trying to get gordon to remember some part of him, while knowing that it’s impossible. Even afterwards, it would be impossible for gordon to remember because they were erased, there’s no way to bring them back. If gman tried, it would be skewed from his own perspective and have a very sour taste. Tommy gets very attached to all of the ai in the game and decides to make them real people, he even gets gman to make black mesa a real place. Benrey, having recently died a somehow painful death, gets dragged out as well, and is left disoriented by a recently blown up computer. Gordon, reasonably, freaks the fuck out about benrey being real and having been in a coma for about a week.

[puppyexpressions]

How to Break Up a Dog Fight

Dog fights are intense, dangerous, and scary. And when your beloved pet is involved, your instinct will be to step into the line of fire to rescue them. It’s essential for your own safety and that of your dog that you know how to correctly recognize and break up a dog fight.

Why Do Dogs Fight?

Dogs fight for many reasons including resource guarding of territory, toys, or food. Or they might react out of fear. Some dogs go on the offensive when they feel threatened hoping to scare the other dog away. Frustration can also lead to aggressive behavior, especially in a dog who has not learned emotional self-control. And a dog can also be pushed too far past their point of tolerance. This can be the case with a reactive dog who is overwhelmed by certain triggers, or a dog who is in pain and therefore lacks patience.

How to Tell a Dog Fight From Rough Play

Dogs play to rehearse more serious behaviors, and many of their games can look aggressive with body slams and throat bites. Plus, many dogs play growl which can make the activity seem even more vicious. So, how do you know the difference between roughhouse wrestling and a dog fight? A close look at the dogs’ body language and behavior should help you decide. Here are some things to look for:

Are they relaxed and floppy or tense and stiff? Dogs at play will have a looseness about them.

Are their mouths hanging open or are their lips tight or snarling? Dogs use a wide-open play face to show the other dog they mean no harm.

Does the action start with a play bow (the dog’s front end goes down to the ground while the rear end stays up)? This gesture signals that everything to follow is all in good fun.

Are the dogs taking turns doing the chasing, slamming, and biting? During play, dogs will alternate being the mock aggressor.

Do they bounce around with big movements? Dog fights are efficient with fast movements, not the exaggerated gestures of play.

Prevention is the Best Policy

Because there are so many causes and because the consequences of a dog fight can be so severe, the best approach is prevention. Learn how to read dog body language and understand your dog’s signs of stress. Anytime you see that your dog is approaching the edge of their comfort zone, intervene and remove them from the situation. You want to predict a fight before it occurs rather than waiting until it’s too late.

The following list of possible signals will help you recognize when your dog is stressed:

Vocalizing. Your dog might growl, whine, or bark.

Tucking the tail.

Flattening the ears back against the head.

Showing whale eye. This is when you can see the whites of your dog’s eyes.

Lip licking and/or panting.

Yawning.

Excessive sniffing. This can be a displacement behavior to avoid confronting the source of the stress.

Pacing.

Also be aware of signs of aggressive intent, both in your dog and in those you encounter. For example, a hard stare is a threat in dog language. A dog who is guarding something will often lower their head below their shoulders and stretch their neck forward. Raised hackles are another common sign where the hair on the dog’s back will stand up. Freezing or sudden stillness often precedes an attack. And don’t be fooled by a wagging tail. Although an aggressive dog will often have a stiff or straight tail, wagging just the tip, or short, sharp wags can be a threat gesture as well.

How to Break up a Dog Fight

Even with the best prevention strategy, your dog could still be involved in a dog fight. And intervening can literally be a matter of life and death for your dog. But how can you safely break up a dog fight? First, never put yourself at risk. It’s instinct to jump into the fray, grabbing the other dog or sticking your hands near their mouth. But even your own dog won’t recognize friend versus foe in the heat of the moment. You could suffer serious injuries as a result and still not break up the fight. Plus, if you’re injured, who will be there to care for your dog?

Instead, here are several methods for breaking up a dog fight that will help keep you safe while hopefully diffusing the situation between the combatants:

Distract the dogs. Anything that diverts their attention can potentially allow your dog to escape or you to safely pull your dog away. Try a loud noise like blowing an air horn or banging metal pot lids together. Soak the dogs. Either spray them with a powerful hose or dump a bucket of water on their heads. Throw a blanket or jacket over each dog so they can no longer see each other. Or spray the dogs’ faces with citronella spray, lemon juice spray, or a vinegar spray.

Use an object to separate the dogs. Be certain to keep your hands and face as far from the dogs’ mouths as possible. Options include a metal garbage can lid, a piece of plywood, a baby gate, a chair, or a large push broom. Depending on their size, you can also try to get each dog in a laundry basket or other enclosure you can drop from above.

Physically separate the dogs. This should be your last resort as it puts you at the most risk. If there are other people to help you, you can use the wheelbarrow technique. One person is assigned to each dog involved and approaches that dog from behind. Then grab each dog by the hind legs and lift them so they are balancing on their front legs like a wheelbarrow. Then walk the dogs backwards, away from each other and into separate areas. Keep moving until the dogs are apart to prevent your dog from turning back and biting you.

Hopefully, you and your dog will never find yourselves in this situation. But if you do, get your dog to a veterinarian immediately for assessment.

[mod2amaryllis]

what does "leash reactive" mean?

I mean from context I'd gather something like 'acts like a bit of a menace while on a leash' but I haven't actually heard the term before. and I'm not quite sure why being leashed would cause that kinda thing?

(I'm sure I *could* look this up but I like seeing you talk about animal stuff it's nice)

i encourage you to look it up cuz it's a really common problem, actual trainers would probably have smarter things say about it.

but yeah in essence it's reactivity that only happens when they're on a leash. like it's very normal for a leash reactive dog to be completely fine in other situations, i.e. they're reactive to dogs on a leash, but love hanging out at a doggy daycare. Joanie is a total social butterfly whenever i board her at a fun free roaming kennel.

it comes up for a few reasons. 1) leashes are like a feedback line to the owner's emotion; in a stressful situation, usually you instinctually pull tighter on the leash, so that tightening combined with the situation ramps up the dog's stress. 2) leashes take away a lot of the dog's control, so they might get into situations they'd like to disengage from, but because they're unable to, the next step to avoid confrontation is to go hard on the defense. barking, snarling, putting on a big show to get the scary thing to back off. 3) resource guarding, the precious resource being YOU (or the other dog they're with). basically protectiveness. 4) trauma. maybe they've had a bad experience on the leash, so now there's a link between leash->defensive behavior.

there's other causes but again. plz look it up.

for Joanie, her problems are a combination of over enthusiasm, frustration, and scary experiences. ever since she was a puppy, she's WAY way way excited to say hi to anyone and everyone (which remains one of my favorite things about her ❤️), but part of puppy training is also teaching "hey we're not actually gonna say hi to every single dog/person." she's always gotten frustrated when she can't bound over to someone. we were getting a good handle on that, but the reactivity started when she got attacked by an off leash dog while on a leash. she's 4.5 now, and so far has been attacked 4 times, all by off leash dogs while she was on leash. you can see where my utter disdain for off leash walking comes from lmao

i don't think i ever posted about this but the most recent attack was a few months ago and it SUCKED because the owner was an absolute bitch and maybe I'll tell the whole story later but point is, point is, that was GOOSE'S first attack. so now they're both in this new wave of reactivity. they had a course of classes and we're working on it but man!!! it is a TOUGH thing, because YOU know your dogs are wonderful and have rational reasons for acting out, but all some other owners see is a crazy dog and an antisocial owner. meeeeeee

[meerkatpunk]

actually yes this would be very helpful:

she is a 43 lb year old pit mix with a very sweet temperament, I saw a video of her playing and she doesn’t even play bite, she just noses gently and cheekily, she had to give up her last foster situation because the bigger older dog kept attacking her, she’s apparently “leash aggressive” and loathes being on a leash which we intend to work on, in my experience with my last pit it took until he was three to develop proper leash manners, any tips

yeah of course! i have no idea whether this is enough information to be helpful - by length alone it is too much information - but i could keep going Forever. so based on that description what stands out to me is : -she’s an adolescent dog. ( 1 month -> 1 human developmental year, very loosely, until at least 25 months, when like humans they’re cognitively mature. ) so she hasn’t fully grown into her personality yet and like all teenagers she’s going to be prone to periods of risk-taking and possibly of anxiety, higher sensitivity about social concerns, and rapid shifts in preferences; she’ll also need a secure attachment base more than an adult dog would and will flourish more dramatically when one is provided. -like in humans, dogs develop trauma symptoms after being in bare concrete cages with minimal enrichment while surrounded by other stressed dogs who are all yelling; if she’s been in a kennel/shelter environment before, she may have issues with other dogs, the sound of other dogs barking, fences, stereotypies she developed in there, et cetera. this could easily be related to the leash thing. -with rehoming there is a weekish-long shocked period, followed by getting to know the home, followed by feeling at home there and possibly very safe; this is obvs generic but the big thing is that like in humans, when a dog comes into a safe place after a period of trauma they feel ( act ) worse than they seemed while shut down and dissociatey. so often rescue dogs will suddenly start to display anxiety-related behaviors after coming into a home, sometimes pretty dramatic ones. this is normal!

“leash aggressive” could be anything from lacking manners to some amount of actual aggression ( as in a bite risk ); i’m guessing it’s reactivity ( barking and lunging on leash, usually at other dogs ), which is also a very generic term but can be googled for resources. “leash aggressive and loathes being on a leash” sounds like barrier frustration, another word mostly useful because it can be looked up, meaning dogs that have a particularly strong anger response to being physically restricted by an object ( leashes, tethers, crates, sometimes fences ).

regardless of which of those things it is i would look at fundamental wellness stuff before anything else: enough exercise, time freely moving her body under the sky and on top of the dirt, environmental enrichment ( any combination of stuff to destroy and dissect, stuff to chase and bite, puzzles to solve, things to learn, explorable novelty ), enough food to satisfy hunger & the secure sense that there will always be enough, secure attachment to and communication with another person, safety from things she finds deeply scary to traumatic. getting ALL of those things in place solves a lot of behavior concerns and it is much harder to do learning or training or targeted rehabilitation without them.

with high-energy breeds like pitt bull terriers they often have trouble walking on a loose leash until they’ve had at least one to two hours of exercise per day, minimum; this exercise can be sprinting around a field, or chasing a flirt pole or tugging on a spring pole in the backyard, and in tight spaces like city apartments there are things like scent-based puzzles - the training conservation dogs do - that can drastically cut down that need for exercise as well as the time investment. ( i’m unsure why this works; most dogs just find scent-based training incredibly engrossing and tiring, and a lot of dogs bred for GOGOGO will actually pass out for a few hours after doing it. ) i know this is incredibly difficult for most nonrural people that aren’t rich; i can give you more detailed workarounds for it if you’d like.

with actual leash manners you can definitely get them down before age 3, but all manners are difficult & touch-and-go for teenage dogs. this is normal. ( age 3 is 36 months; like humans, dogs settle down emotionally in their thirties and everything becomes easier. ) you can teach them wholly without pressure/aversives/special collars but i also won’t shame you about any tool choice you do because a.) the history of what gets called abusive vs nonabusive in dog training is largely class-centric, and b.) relatedly, a lot of stuff in “force free” training uses the exact same principles, but in a more expensive and aesthetically pleasing and white way. use what tools you’re comfortable with. it is very hard to give you a specific method because there are a lot, and all dogs are different, and teenage dogs in particular often need different things at different times, but i can list the methods if you’d like and you can look into them.

my only favored generalist training book right now is When Pigs Fly by Jane Killion; her other work is not great, and i don’t like her as a human being or her mindset, but she has a unique clicker training system which gives a lot of agency and clear communication to the dog. it was originally developed for bully breeds because they act particularly self-possessed in comparison to the border collies and german shepherds that professional dog trainers usually have ( which is why professional dog trainers usually do not have them ). i can give you other recs but that would be my top choice for something that isn’t leash- or reactivity-specific. i’ve also heard a lot of good things about Coercion And Its Fallout, which i’ve been trying to get my hands on to read for the first time; it’s not intended to be a dog behavior book, but i’m mentioning it because it’s both highly recommended as one & overlaps with your other book hauls.

you can send me any questions at any time & i’ll do my best to answer them! good luck!

[healingheartdogs]

Interesting seeing how handler sensitive and soft most of the common pointing breeds are and then hearing how people talk about GWPs being hard, stubborn, mean, scary. People use physical punishment with their GWPs way too casually ime, stories of them biting judges or handlers are whispered by older people to all the newbies, people are often quick to push for aversive tools and methods in their training, and there's lots of physical manhandling to get them to do what you want. But it has to be that way because however will you control this big jerk of a dog with big teeth that likes to kill and bite things otherwise? /s

Hermes is as soft as any vizsla I've worked with when it comes to handling from people. Yes, he is a hard dog in the field specifically in the context of actively hunting and wanting to kill things, but when it comes to my direction and training he is very sensitive and responds very quickly to even light pressure from just body language. Other younger people in the breed who are less traditional and people who are experienced with working with lots of other breeds, especially actually "hard" or more independent ("stubborn") breeds, that I've talked to seem to share this same opinion with me of GWPs being very soft and eager to please so I know it's not just a Hermes thing.

The key differences I can find that I assume lead to this narrative of the hard mean GWP who needs an Alpha owner to keep them in line coming from people who recognize that other similar versatile hunting breeds are soft and do badly with too much of that type of handling are:

1. the harsh wirey facial furnishings make them seem less soft and baby-like when they express themselves with their faces and makes those expressions harder to read so appeasement and avoidance look more like ignoring and being a jerk to people who humanize their dogs responses and emotions

2. they tend to be higher drive and energy than other similar VHDs and are generally way more motivated by play and hunting than food so will sometimes outright ignore food in favor of play or hunting and really drivey dogs will follow their desire to hunt through discomfort which makes them much more difficult to work with if you only know how to use food or punishment, which seems common among traditional trainers

3. hunting breeds often don't receive enough socialization which makes them more likely to be sensitive to new people and things outside of hunting and sports rings but it's especially bad with GWPs since they are bred to be more like watchdogs and aloof to strangers so they end up becoming reactive or aggressive to people outside of those they were socialized to instead of just ignoring them

4. because people in show and hunting expect this sort of mean and stubborn attitude from GWPs they are harsher with them in training (plus a lot of show and hunting people just use bad traditional training methods anyway) which pushes a very soft and sensitive dog to bite or act aggressively in an attempt to set boundaries, which is often met with more harsh punishment that feeds the cycle until the dog eventually shuts down and the handler/trainer has then "won" against this mean stubborn dog that was fighting them by being "Alpha" enough

And 5. Quite a few GWP people seem to take some sense of pride in the idea of their dogs being harder to handle in the same negative way malinois people do sometimes with their dogs and actually seem to encourage this view of their breed??? Especially to newcomers in the breed, almost as if they're trying to scare people off. I was told by multiple breeders and handlers coming into GWPs that they were hard to handle and mean, that I needed to know what I was getting into, that I had to make sure I was the boss with them at all times, etc. and I witnessed this happen to other newcomers as well. I was just lucky enough to have prior education in dog training and dog behavior that let me realize this was nonsense and raise my dog with more positive methods while some of the other puppy buyers ended up falling into the same punishment cycles with their dogs and having issues in their training.

But they're very hard mean dogs, you see, and I'm just too easy on Hermes. Trying to give him the ability to consent to things? Managing his stimulation level whenever we're out and about or working and he's getting excited or stressed? Managing his exposure to environmental reinforcers to use them as a training tool and keep him from forming bad habits instead of keeping him from them and punishing him for going after them and then punishing him more for forming bad habits involving those reinforcers? And using high rate of reinforcement in multiple forms that he finds interesting when we train instead of trying to make him do things with very limited food bribes he finds boring and heavy positive punishment? Wack. Not Alpha behavior. Bribing my dog and being soft on him.

But boy, he sure is confident and unusually friendly and outgoing for a GWP. At least that's what GWP people keep telling us.

[amerasdreams]

I have been listening to True Spies podcast on Spotify. It’s apparently connected to a thing called Spyscape, which has a museum/experience thing in New York. They also have an online test for your personality and intelligence.... well those intelligence tests all of course have to do with math. and they are TIMED. somehow I got thru guessing most of them.... didn’t score 0 but didn’t score great. 

so guess what I scored on intelligence!  and personality scores mean I’m more prone to health problems and being unhappy.... :( 

(here I woke up thinking I can be uniquely me, I don’t want to be like anyone else anyway, I can embrace that... but how can I when what I am is this pathetic)

I shouldn’t have done this, I know what these tests do, make me discouraged and hate myself more. they even said I’m not imaginative and creative-- things I value most besides intelligence (and intuition/empathy...) 

they did say the “spy role” I was most suited for, which is what I’m most interested in, intelligence analyst. But in the more “practical” side, for jobs, it mentioned medical things, technical things, which I wouldn’t be good at and don’t like, business marketing-- working for a business I don’t care about, a job with no meaning....  it even had mathematician! when I’m obviously not good at math. the only jobs I might be interested in are psychologist/criminologist... idk.... to late for me to get any career anyway, let alone somehow what I really want

they did a risk assessment, where you blow up the balloon before it pops to get “money” - yesterday I started it and panicked when the balloon popped the first time and closed the window. then when I was walking the dogs it occured to me it was a test lol and I would just have to keep risking popping the balloon... so today I saw it as more of a game and not the ‘scary balloon popping oh no I lost money!” -not even real money. idk about fun.... all these things were stressful esp the intelligence test. 

today I started the test, thinking it might help me, get insight into what I can do, instead, it discouraged me, I’m what I thought, mediocre and not suited for much, they only gave a “role” to me because they had to give me something. It said the intelligence analyst is inquisitive--when it just said I wasn’t -  idk how this even fits with the test bc analytical? that wasn’t one of the dimensions and doesn’t seem like I scored high on implied analytical powers, same with determined-- 

how can i live with myself being like this, having no role and no future according to any dimension that really counts. don’t want to be plodding away at menial tasks when I want to do something Imaginative, Creative, Intellectual-- ha can’t even do that

oh I’m proving them right, easily stressed and sensitive and reactive -- 

I’m not including the risk assessment bc I don’t think it’s accurate-- I’m really very risk averse in all cases... oh we know that already so. 

~

results (bold/parentheses is mine)

MENTAL HORSEPOWER

Unlike Alan Turing would, you scored moderately low {yay!:(} on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that, on the whole, you struggle with complex mathematical and analytical problems. {so how can I be an analyst?} That said, you can usually spot patterns and find links in data – as long as the information you have been given isn’t too abstract. (I like big picture things.... abstract things... apparently I’m not good at it)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people with a moderately low Mental Horsepower score, you are more likely to ‘go with your gut’ when making decisions rather than to apply logic and reason (that’s true.... logic is mystifying. fits with being INFP-- logic is my weakest point). It is unlikely that you will sit down and win a game of chess, and you probably rely on your satnav rather than read a map yourself. (yep.... chess is too much strategy... I can’t see ahead like that .. hm how could I be an analyst)

IN YOUR WORK

Because you are not a very conceptual thinker, you are better in roles where you can do things ‘automatically’ rather than applying any abstract reasoning skills. You are not bad at visual-spatial or mathematical tests though, and with training and practice, your skills will definitely improve.

THE SCIENCE

Mental Horsepower relates to our general cognitive ability and our capacity to think about, reason with, and understand abstract concepts. It particularly links to analytical and mathematical skills, but also covers memory, comprehension, language, learning capacity and judgement. These are hugely significant skills for success at work and in everyday life.

Psychologists have developed all kinds of tests to measure cognitive ability. Some of these involve predicting outcomes from patterns in data (also known as inductive reasoning), while others focus on mentally flipping and rotating images. We use both of these approaches in our Mental Horsepower tests at SPYSCAPE.

Recent neuroimaging research shows that intelligence is linked to brain patterns, and that these patterns are unique to each of us (meaning you can’t change them :(  )– much like our fingerprints. In one study, these brain ‘fingerprints’ were used to successfully predict people’s scores in IQ tests.

While IQ tests are probably the most common method for determining cognitive ability, there is some debate over whether they provide a complete picture. For example, theories suggest that there are many different types of intelligence which are not accounted for in these tests. Still, it is generally accepted that people who score highly on tests of cognitive ability are on the whole better at completing intelligence-related (so that career’s out... if it was ever in lol) tasks in the real world.

~

COMPOSURE

Unlike Jason Bourne, you scored extremely low (low on everything! what a wonderful person!) on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that you are far more vulnerable to stressors than most people (I knew that). You are likely to have a very strong emotional reaction to negative events and your brain becomes highly active when you see something you perceive as unpleasant (like this test!). Although this means you find it hard to relax, it also means you are really tuned in to your surroundings ( and what’s the upside of that? nice consolation prize....)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people with extremely low levels of composure, you are highly likely to experience anxiety and burnout. (with things that aren’t really stressful to anyone else. just stepping outside. just being inside-- doing thigns like this.. doing most things actually-- help how can i live) You can be far too critical of yourself (well how do i stop? if this is how I am like), especially when you are stressed (which is almost all the time), and this can make it tricky for you to overcome problems (which is never, which is why I’m still living w my parents). You also dwell on the past far more than people with high composure.

On the positive side, you are responsive to your environment, which means you are more likely to anticipate negative outcomes and find ways to avoid them (like almost everything). You are also sensitive and caring, and your observant nature means you look out for yourself and the people close to you. (what’s the point of that when you can’t do anything, or get to know new people)

IN YOUR WORK

It is unlikely your colleagues will turn to you when there is an emergency or crisis at work. This is because you struggle to keep your emotions in check, and challenging situations can get the better of you. When this happens, you are not great at maintaining focus or making tough decisions.

THE SCIENCE

Composure relates to how our brains respond to stress. In tense situations, your brain activates an area called the hypothalamus, which releases adrenalin and cortisol – also known as stress hormones.

A bit of stress now and then is important for survival, because it alerts us to the dangers around us. Small amounts can be useful, but too much over a long period of time is bad for our health (oh goody). Studies show that the adrenal cortex, the part of the brain that releases stress hormones, is also linked to the healthy function of our immune system – and people who are more prone to stress are also more likely to get sick.

There is also a connection between composure and working (short-term) memory. Composed people perform better on tasks where they need to recall and use relevant information while they’re doing something else – for example remembering the steps of a recipe when cooking a meal.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN COMPOSURE ARE

LAID-BACK

RELAXED

COOL

FOCUSED

POISED

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN COMPOSURE ARE

EMOTIONAL

SENSITIVE

PERCEPTIVE

RESPONSIVE

VIGILANT

~

Contentiousness

Unlike diligent Mission: Impossible hero Isla Faust, you scored moderately low on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that unlike Isla, you find it difficult to keep focused on long-term goals {Idk about this. goals are all i focus on.... well. I think about them often but Idk how to create the steps to get there and so things fizzle out and I get-- discouraged what else is new). You get distracted or bored quite quickly and are often drawn to new ideas and projects instead of finishing what you are currently doing (well.... hm. I finish novels...). You understand what is important in life, but you sometimes skip the details. (I’m not a detail person... I can be but they often seem irrelevant)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Because you prefer not to a follow a schedule, hobbies that require regular training are not for you. In fact, your interests change quite regularly, and you find long-term commitment a challenge whatever the activity. Friends and family know that if they want you to do something, they need to encourage you to get organized. When they press you, however, you do things pretty well.

IN YOUR WORK

You take a relatively flexible approach to work. As such, you get distracted easily and do not always complete the task in hand. Because of your tendency to do this, you are likely to change jobs – and perhaps even career – fairly regularly (I want variety... Idk, this sort of fits, sort of doesn’t).

THE SCIENCE

Conscientiousness shapes how likely you are to follow rules, regulate your own behavior and get yourself organized. The more conscientious you are, the more motivated by goals and tasks you are likely to be.

According to what psychologists call the ‘Big-5’ model, conscientiousness is a core dimension of personality – and one of the five key traits that drive human behavior. Whether you are high or low in conscientiousness can help predict your success in social, academic and professional situations.

If you have high levels of conscientiousness, you are probably more productive and better at adapting to new situations (that’s true, I’m not) that come your way. However, this does not mean that being conscientious is always a good thing, because research also shows that being too conscientious can lead to overthinking. (I do that too...)

Some studies suggest that people who are more conscientious are healthier – and they might even live longer. This might be because conscientious people are more likely to exercise regularly, eat healthily, and avoid smoking or drinking too much alcohol.

It’s hard to say where conscientiousness comes from. One study found a link with areas of the brain relating to attention and cognitive control. There is also evidence to suggest that genes play their part. It’s likely that social factors such as your upbringing influence how conscientious you are, too.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ARE

HIGH-ACHIEVING

ACCOUNTABLE

THOROUGH

DRIVEN

SELF-DISCIPLINED

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ARE

IMPULSIVE

FLEXIBLE

EASY-GOING

SPONTANEOUS

ADAPTABLE

(I think I’m sort of this, sort of not because I’m borderline INFP -- P is flexible, impulsive while J is more structured-- I’m slightly more Perceiving. goes to show Myers-Briggs is pretty good at describing personality accurately....)

~

INQUISITIVENESS

Unlike Carrie Mathison in Homeland, you scored moderately low on this attribute. Your score was driven by your performance in the personality tests, and it suggests that you are pretty cautious about new ideas, beliefs, cultures and theories.

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people who scored moderately low on this attribute, you are not so willing to take on board other people’s views (that’s true). You will consider what people have to say, but you are likely to stick with your own opinion. You feel more comfortable in familiar situations and surroundings (well, yes...), and you do not really feel the need to explore new places (I kind of do, though... I want to but I often... don’t. because it’s too hard).

IN YOUR WORK

Because you aren’t motivated to learn or acquire new skills (Idk about this... depends on if it’s something I’m interested in. I’m learning like 15 languages on Duolingo...), you are less likely to seek out new opportunities at work. And the longer you stay in a job, the worse your motivation is likely to get. In general, you tend to perform better when you start a new position, although you will carry this out using the same approach you always have, rather than approach it in a new way. You like real-world, practical work that has straightforward solutions.

THE SCIENCE

Inquisitiveness is an important trait for discovering new things and building a better understanding of people and of the world around us. Psychologists have developed tools for assessing and measuring how inquisitive a person is.

These are based on extensive research into personality and are designed to evaluate five facets related to inquisitiveness: (i) intellectual curiosity; (ii) aesthetic sensitivity; (iii) active imagination; (iv) attentiveness to inner feelings and; (v) preference for variety.

Furthermore, personality researchers have identified two types of inquisitiveness; ‘epistemic’, which refers to information seeking ( I think I’m more information seeking?) behaviour and ‘perceptual’, which refers to experience seeking.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN INQUISITIVENESS ARE

CURIOUS

OPEN-MINDED

IMAGINATIVE AND INVENTIVE

CREATIVE

ADAPTIVE

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN INQUISITIVENESS ARE

PRACTICAL

CONSISTENT

TRADITIONAL

HABITUAL

PRAGMATIC

~

SOCIABILITY

A bit like Alec Leamas in The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, you scored extremely low (yay. well I knew this... and from answering the questions... )on this attribute, which suggests that you prefer to spend time alone and keep yourself to yourself. You avoid parties, meet-ups and other noisy gatherings because you find them overwhelming (wayyyy). If you really have to socialize, you need plenty of quiet time afterwards to help you rest and recharge.

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like others with an extremely low sociability score, you don’t like being the center of attention and often struggle to start conversations. You think a lot before speaking and regularly find it hard to express your thoughts and ideas. Because of this, you often let others do the talking, and you don’t take part in small talk either. This behavior means you might come across as socially reactive, and people may think you only talk to them when you feel you really have to (as in, extremely negative, and I shouldn’t exist. although... i do talk to them if I have to.... haha I do take part in small talk because I think I have to. or people will think I’m rude. but I don’t like it. I’m sensitive to how I’m perceived and don’t want to be seen as too antisocial, but I talk to others out of fear not of want... yikes. no wonder no one wants to be around me. well I don't want to be around them. well - I want to be around people I know well. for limited amounts of time... need less to recharge from people I know than strangers. I want to be with them, I don’t want to be with strangers-- it’s only stress and not fun at all. but how do i get past the stranger part to the friend part if I don’t like being with strangers and it’s all stressful adn overwhelming? How do i participate in society, have people to talk to, have any sort of success??? - shouldn't exist.).

IN YOUR WORK

Because you are more comfortable working independently (please. HOW???? besides working for myself... haha can’t work for anyone else bc can’t get past the interview, these ^ traits are obvious and not something any employer in their right mind wants), you will be more productive – and much happier – managing your own workload, tackling problems alone, and avoiding company brainstorms and powwows.

THE SCIENCE

How sociable you are can be linked to your levels of happiness, positivity, and wellbeing. In fact, sociability relates to a variety of positive outcomes in life, including how successful you are at work, how well you cope with challenging situations, and even how physically and mentally healthy you are. (yay. I’m doomed. I might as well kill myself now)

People who are highly sociable are more positive emotionally (case in point!) than those who are less sociable. In one brain imaging study, people with a high sociability score had higher levels of brain activity when they saw images of happy faces and other positive emotions.

The same part of the brain that processes emotions also helps interpret information from social contexts, which means we can judge a social situation and then respond appropriately (social situations, like math problems and logic, are mystifying to me. yay the things that are highest linked to success--).

There is some evidence to suggest that highly sociable people might be better at detecting and decoding the meaning of social cues –  including how they analyze and read people’s faces (oh, I know that. I have a hard time judging people’s faces, in fact I often think they are mad at me or judging me by their faces when they probably aren’t. I even have trouble finding out what emotions go with what emoji! besides the basics. i mean why, how are there so many emojis....). This means they are likely to find social interaction easier to deal with than others (lol yes. it’s . not easy. why. do i have to be born like this. always been. hell..).

There is also research to suggest that highly sociable people have more connections between regions of the brain that involve visual stimulus and regions that process social and emotional stimuli. (brains are better, we get it)

Sociability might also be associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is linked to reward-seeking behavior. It is thought that people who are highly sociable may have an enhanced response to dopamine in the brain, which makes them pursue rewards such as attention, status, power or pleasure. This would explain why, when they get these things, they feel happier or more satisfied.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN SOCIABILITY ARE

TALKATIVE

FRIENDLY

ENTHUSIASTIC

ENERGETIC

EXCITABLE

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN SOCIABILITY ARE

QUIET

RESERVED

INTROSPECTIVE

PRIVATE

SHY

^ ALLL negative attributes, I need to just kill myself now, no future. 

[destroyyourbinder]

the day i was a man

In the summer of 2019, I decided to fully shave my head into a buzzcut, something I had never done before. I had a lot of feelings emerge and re-emerge at the time. While I was still visibly female in my day to day life- something that felt uniquely frightening given the utter dykeyness of my haircut- I accidentally discovered one day in August that my haircut could allow me to pass as male. While I had deliberately tried to “pass” in an earlier life, at the height of experiencing gender dysphoria, I was never taken to be a man except by chance (such as from behind or from afar). So potentially being able to pass as male was a new and disorienting experience, one I felt compelled to explore out of multiply perverse kinds of curiosity. As a context note: I mention my partner frequently in this piece, who has detransitioned from her transition from female to male, but chooses to handle her situation through continuing to pass as male at work and in public. Her experiences unavoidably framed my experience trying to pass for a day, and this experiment changed permanently how I see both her passing persona and the public presentation of female transgender people. If you can pull it off, and perhaps even if you can’t (a different, but also nervewracking experience), I recommend women try this at least once, especially if you claim to understand the experiences of transgender female people. It is a female experience to which there are truly few comparisons, and to which even the majority of living gender non-conforming lesbians cannot relate. Having largely recovered from gender dysphoria, I cannot imagine having to permanently live my life this way nor finding it affirming to do so, and I am disturbed that this experience was one I once aspired to and envied. However, I am glad I had it, and I plan to try again sometime in this upcoming summer when I can cut my hair without freezing. My partner now knows I did this, and I am especially curious what it might be like being seen together.

I wrote this the day I chose to do this experiment. My goal was to take public transportation to a shopping center so I could check out some shoes I was considering buying. The first part (in present tense) I wrote before leaving the house and while dressed in preparation, the second part (in past tense) was written after I returned, using my memories of the experience. It has been mildly edited for readability and to include a few details and pieces of context.

----

I am scared of what happens not if I pass but if I don’t pass. In trying to become a man I have become a woman I am afraid of and afraid for. It’s often the same thing when you are a woman watching women. I am having trouble breathing under three sports bras when I usually wear none. My chest is flat unless I actually stand up straight and proud. I have to be ashamed to become a man, although they say men are confident and becoming one will make you so. I debate whether or not to put some kind of fake dick in my pants, although I doubt that will do anything, and I shudder to think what will happen if I do and it doesn’t work. Being a woman with a dick stuffed in your pants: at best I’m pathetic, at worst I am a monster.

I don’t know how to explain this to my girlfriend. I don’t know how to explain that I had to do this, at least once. I don’t know how to explain to her something she already knows.

I wonder if I’ve been watching too many music videos. I wonder if this is about sex. I don’t know how I can wash our dishes while being a man, but I decide I should try before I try something bold like letting people look at me.

The danger of not passing is violence. The danger internally is that it would be deserved. I realize there’s no real way to justify wanting to do this, nonetheless actually doing it. I think wanting to transition is sublimated fear. I wonder if this will help me with my social anxiety, because this fucking sucks. This is not the exposure therapy the doctor ordered. It feels familiar to be ashamed of myself and hold my body this way, like an old chair molding around my butt, like stepping into old shoes. Dykes go to the outdoor store but do bulldykes go there? I realize I don’t know anything about bulldykes. I understand why so many trans people are so preoccupied with being fake vs. real, false vs. genuine. There is something intrinsically very fake about passing. You are faking the other sex. Of course you feel fake. It is a pretense. It feels very odd to pretend so seriously, so people pretend that they are not pretending after all. I am fixated on the small things all over again. I find myself wondering when I tie my girlfriend’s boots to my feet whether or not men have ankles like mine. My laces are too wide at the bottom, too small at the top. I worry that this will lead me to be discovered or worse, mocked. I know this is absurd but in this state I don’t feel like I can take any chances, like I would even know what chances to take. When I went to get the bus I thought I saw my coworker. It ended up not being her, but I crossed the street and circled back because I didn’t want her to see me so strange, doing something so weird and incomprehensible. I understand now why people change towns, friends, abandon their family. This is difficult to explain, even if you say you are “trans”. It doesn’t make sense, fundamentally, to anyone with a grounding in their body. The bus driver was a big black woman, serious face, tattoos. I think she was a dyke. I got the sense she was looking at me out of the side of her eye when I got on the bus, but that might be paranoia. I didn’t know because I didn’t want to look her in the face too hard. I get why my girlfriend’s so avoidant in public. You don’t want people to know what you’re doing, you don’t want people to see your face. It’s real hard to know what emotion to put on there when you’re a dude. It’s real scary to not have the barrier of a woman’s smile or laugh anymore. It almost feels nice to not have to do it, but how do you handle anything? I’m the type of woman who’s been able to get away with this gender weirdo shit throughout my life because I gave an oh-shucks smile at the end of it, that little woman’s laugh that means I’m not a threat, not serious, not anything at all. When you’re “a man” you can’t do that anymore. You’re naked under six layers of clothes. When you can’t do that anymore you’ve got nothing except sheer bravado and nothing to back it up. What if it doesn’t work, what if you suddenly become the type of girl who doesn’t smile? I get why my girlfriend doesn’t look anybody in the face, even though she looks real fucking shifty sometimes. You can’t look a man in the face and not be able to back it up. Men are like reactive dogs. They’ll get fucked up if you look them in the eye. On the bus I realized all of the sudden even though I’ve read a billion passing guides, and I’ve stared down dudes real jealous my whole life I do not know how a man sits. I had fixated so much on the legs and where they go that I didn’t know what they did with hands, elbows; how do you look out the window if you’re a guy? What do you look at? I snatched glances at the dude up front, an ambiguously brown teen who could probably pass as white in the right places but not the wrong ones, a dude with a big mop of floppy curly dark hair and what looked like a serious case of apathy. He was scrolling on his phone, and I could see the divots of acne scars forming on the side of his face. Guy didn’t look like he could grow a lot of facial hair but probably made up for it with encyclopedic knowledge of Fortnite or some shit. I knew he had a life, but he seemed like most men, kind of constitutionally dull. He wasn’t looking at anything, really, I guess only kids and women really look at stuff. Which made it hard to do the whole clandestine observation thing, I decided, a guy who looks at stuff is not really a dude. I tried to look kinda dumb and wasn’t sure where my jaw should go. The girlfriend does this thing sometimes with her mouth that makes me cringe when she does it at home. Sometimes she phases in and out of her passing persona if she’s talking about work or feeling threatened for whatever reason, if she’s in a different place and time than the place and time where she’s home and a wife and all that. She does a little underbite, doing that thing that internet FTMs do in the pictures they take; I figured she learned to do it like a little bird puffs itself up, it makes her little head look bigger and squarer. I tried to do it when out and about; my teeth don’t fit together that way. I’m sure I looked like a moron. But men do dumb shit all the time.

I transferred to the train, and when I got off at the station I ended up walking kinda the wrong way for a while. I imagined all the people in the cars staring at me. I hate walking on the sidewalks along highways and strip malls. I dunno if they look, and if they do, what they see. I was real nervous but I figured I didn’t know any of them anyway and made it into the shopping center where the store was. It occurred to me that if this was an adventure it was quite a stupid one, but it was an adventure nonetheless, complete with the actual lack of excitement and the actual presence of fear. I had never been in this particular store before and everything was displayed so tastefully. I was dismayed to notice the presence of a million salespeople, and realized I didn’t fucking know which gender of shoe I even wanted to try to look at because I didn’t know how I was coming across. I was not going to be a dude who asks for women’s shoes, a.k.a. a woman who’s obviously doing something real weird asking for women’s shoes nonetheless. And at this store you gotta ask for the shoes, and I didn’t want to use my voice because I’m pretty sure I’m obviously female by voice. So I just stared awkwardly at the shoes, mostly, I checked the prices and the clearance racks, and they were too expensive anyway. At one point I realized I was looking at the women’s shoes (which seemed like a huge fucking big deal) and I went to cross over to the men’s shoes, there was a group of bros standing in front of the men’s shoe wall and they parted like the red sea when I went over. I think this was passing because frankly I’ve never had men ever get out of my fucking way. I ended up circling around the store and leaving because no way was I going to afford any of the shit in there, and they didn’t even have very many shoes of the kind I was looking for. I went into the chain pet store next door and wandered around in there. There was a young person working the register who was a young lesbian or a trans kid or something. Every time I saw a woman I felt guilty, it was real weird to be separated so much from women. I had thoughts of jumping out, you know, and saying “boo”, following a woman a bit too close to see what would happen, even though I knew that would be real fucking mean. But it would be the test. See how women react to you: are you still a woman yet? What happens when you’re not a women to women anymore? It seems real fucking lonely. I was already lonely, and it had been maybe three hours. Men are real rude to other men. Some old white sales guy was like,“excuse me”, real curt and direct in a way I’d never got before, not gentle but not with the contempt-force they use towards a fucked up woman. It was empty of all the shit I’d learned to expect. How men deal with the emptiness I don’t know. They must fill it with all sorts of nonsense just to pass the time, just for kicks, is that why they want to hit each other and fuck things? There was a little girl with her family outside the stores, she had a floppy autistic hand and was wearing cargo shorts, I wished her luck inside my head but couldn’t smile at her and my heart broke.

I walked around and tried to find the other location of a store I used to work at. I knew it was around there somewhere but couldn’t find where the building was. My stomach was grumbling and it occurred to me that if I needed to use a bathroom I’d be screwed. Even if I was still plausibly visibly female I was female in the way that’d get me bathroom trouble, and I wasn’t quite dudely enough to stride into the men’s. The store I used to work at had gender neutral bathrooms, and I realized a hell of a lot of trans people must be in a huge pickle all the time. I understand the bathroom resentment even if trans people project their validation shit onto it. It’s easier to believe you’re being invalidated than that you’re scared because you’re doing something real weird and you’re in hiding all the time. I don’t know how people live like this full time. There’s got to be a lot of grief, nihilism, resignation when you finally make it so you can’t go back. The tension’s unbearable: I imagine a lot of trans people think that the tension will be resolved if they make themselves undiscoverable, if they just push themselves more towards perceptibly male.

The sports bras were hurting me. It was hard to walk so much in this get up. I found I was breathing with my mouth open a lot to get enough air, and the word “mouthbreather” kept occurring to me. I realized the shit that I had to knock out of me as an autistic woman was double-edged as someone trying to pass. A lot of it actually helped, a healthy and hamhanded disrespect/disregard for etiquette is very male, but I realized I was still real weird with weird motivations and weird in ways that would make me stick out even as a dude. I understood why the girlfriend has a persona-- she says he’s some nobody, a stoner dude, a guy who doesn’t have all that much to say and of course it’s kinda stupid if he did-- to cover the incongruities. Before I got back on the train there was this young black woman with a swagger, wearing what looked like men’s pants, wandering around the platform. I figured the universe was fucking testing me today because she might be gay too. She was talking on her phone in a video chat, getting way too close to the edge. She wobbled over the edge a couple times, then decided to sit on the fucking platform with her legs out over the tracks . Some shady white guy wearing gloves was doing some weird shit with the ticket machines, a lot of coins were coming out and he was rustling around. I figured he had some kinda scheme and decided to leave him very alone because I didn’t know how the fuck I was supposed to react as a fellow guy if he wanted something from me. The woman didn’t look up when the train coming the opposite way signaled, and I got scared I was gonna have to drag her off the tracks, like maybe she wasn’t doing good and she was gonna try something. I realized I didn’t want to die as a man, didn’t want that woman to be saved by me as a man, what if they called up my girlfriend and said I was some dude, what if she found me in three sports bras and three shirts in the hospital, what would everyone think. Swagger gal jumped the hell out of her skin and scooted away when our train was coming, so I didn’t have to worry about it. When I got on some family plopped down in front of me, and I felt that grief again. If I was a man I couldn’t look at kids with the same gentleness, there was no solidarity with the mom and her weariness, I couldn’t take the load on my hips alongside her. I didn’t want to do this any more. I had planned to catch the bus on my way back but the bus wasn’t going to come for a while. I decided to walk from my home train station and see if I could catch my girlfriend at work but realized I didn’t want her to see me like this. I didn’t know who I was, walking through the dark back into the neighborhood. I peeked into a dark bar with sports on the televisions, a lot of normal heterosexuals doing their thing. But back on the main drag it was trendier heterosexuals everywhere. I stopped beside a dark park to take off two of the bras and tucked them in my pockets. I had no idea what the fuck I looked like when I was walking somewhere more familiar, didn’t know where to put my chin, didn’t know whether I was incongruent, incomprehensible, or I was just myself. My clothes were all mine except the beanie and the boots. It was nothing crazy but I felt crazy, I felt split in two, schizophrenic in the old-school definition way. If my coworkers saw me they’d know me, but maybe I wouldn’t know me in return. When I got to my girlfriend’s workplace I realized she wasn’t in the building; she had stepped across the street to take a break and get some air. I don’t think she recognized me coming across the street. I felt all fucked up for a long hot second until she broke into a smile. I couldn’t tell if she was astonished I was out and about in the area at that hour or that that body was me. I wandered on home, got an Arizona iced tea, went up to the corner pharmacy all weird in the head and high on drag to get some mascara to see if I could make me a beard someday. The people at the pharmacy usually know me, and I didn’t want to be some weirdo who was trying to be a guy in front of them. The guy who I think’s a manager was around, then a barely-outta-adolescence woman with a bob of orange hair and strange makeup and a big old nose ring. These days they make eyebrow mascara, in each brand there were a million different kinds. Who knew, and who knew it cost 12 bucks for a little tube. I went around the corner feeling lucky: there was some in the clearance section. Why someone like me’d buy mascara for your eyebrows, who knows. I was titillated by the tiny brushes. The young woman at the counter wanted to talk to me about my nose ring, hers was only a tad bigger, and she told me she must’ve hit a nerve when she stretched. Her piercings were nice, I was happy to have a conversation with a woman as a woman of some sort even though she was a different kind of woman all in all. When the wall comes down it’s terrible. I can’t imagine that wall all the time and what that must do to women behind it.

[spectral-cosmic-radiance]

So....uh.... Class 1-A Part 1 / ???? because there is A LOT.

Anyway stuff  the AU is under the cut!

First drawing is Half-hot-Half-cold’s (AKA: Halfy) final design, with a gryphonic body with inspo from an osprey head and lion body!

With a draconic muzzle because Shoto is a traumatized boi who needs control and sadly this translates into suppressing his quirk.

He sees it as a mixture of his father’s and his mother’s quirks (his father’s spirit is a dragon and his mother’s a white snow leopard), but in actuality it’s his own, and if he looked underneath he would see Halfy is something entirely his own and his, but for now the poor thing is just gonna have to deal with Shoto’s perception of her and the dragon looking muzzle over her beak.

Through out this AU key things would change and the Stain fight would go MUCH differently. The fight would be the catalyst for Todo to finally realize that the spirit is unique and the chains would come of! From there the two will grow together and figure out a new dynamic (it takes time)

Second drawing is a scene from said Stain fight, Halfy is very, very scary when she chooses to be and Shoto just realized that maybe she isn’t just some mixture of her parents, but maybe she’s a reflection of him.

Third sketch is the first time Halfy manifests to baby Todo, obviously after key events, at the time he was scared and alone, but desperate for control and Halfy provided that in the form of being “gatekeeper” for the power of his quirk

This changes as he grows older, and over time the chains appear because he hates his quirk more and more

Fourth drawing is shenanigans that happen in the dorm later on, Halfy is eager to use her powers after being shoved away for so long... Explosion is an enabler

1-A is in L O V E with Halfy, they don’t really meet her until the dorms, but LORDY THEY ALL LOVE HER

In the beginning she rarely manifests outside of Todoroki’s room, but as time goes on and he gets more comfortable she appears more and more

And she’s the complete opposite of Todo, when he lets her loose and truly lets her feel safe, she wants A L L the pets

If Todo is in the common room or studying she WILL walk around the room demanding pets from everyone... no one can resist her puppy eyes

and she purrs up a storm

Sometimes Todo can get comfy enough that he'll fall asleep right on top of her! 

Ochako spoils Half-n-Half rotten 

Iida gives the best pets 

Poor Izuku is almost always stuck under her because his lap is the comfiest 

Shoto doesn't know what to do b/c he doesn't have the heart to say No to those big puppy eyes

She's also very in tune with Todoroki’s emotions, but she's mostly reactive instead of proactive, like Explosion. She follows Shoto's lead 99% of the time, so she'll be distressed when he's sad or something, but she'll rarely do anything without his say so

Fifth drawing is the final design for Erasure, Aizawa’s spirit! They have the mixture of traits from multiple creatures: tail, ears and fur from a Jaguar (plus claws and toe beans on hands), and feet from a Capybara

This bean is actually one of the older spirits at UA, born from Aizawa’s time in 2-A (if you know, you know. if you don’t, spoilers for Vigilantes and Manga)

They are Agender and very... very tired, they wrangle all the other spirits at UA

Sixth drawing is just a silly comic exploring Erasure’s more... feline traits and Aizawa’s reaction to them (you don’t see them often)

Seventh drawing is one of the rare peaceful moments at UA with all the spirits, when Erasure actually managed to wrangle them all and sleep. (ft. beta design for halfy, Explosion fluff form, and a sneaky lil’ Rewind!)

Eighth drawing is Explosion and Bakugou! Explosion is a pomeranian (I couldn’t pass it up I’m sorry) with a collar that has a grenade on it.

Explosion manifests during Bakugou’s time at Kamino ward 

This sketch would take later on as Bakugou becomes more comfortable with acknowledging that something bad happened to him and maybe he wouldn’t talk as much with Aizawa or his therapist (YES HE GETS THERAPY) but he does vent and rave to his built in fluff ball that he can snuggle w/o fear because Nitroglycerine is DEADLY to people.

He keeps Explosion’s existence on the down low, but from time to time he’ll let Explosion manifest fully and chill with him on the couch in the dorms or something.

but don’t acknowledge the fluff ball or Bakugou will literally explode your face

The rest of 1-A slowly learn about Explosion over time, first Aizawa, the Kirishima and the rest of the Bakusquad, then Deku and from there the others just slowly learn about him from word of mouth of catching glimpses of him with Bakugou!

Explosion doesn’t like to handled or touched by anyone that isn’t Bakugou, but he still likes it when Bakugou hangs out with the others and will sit in his lap when it’s a chill night and the Bakusquad or 1-A is  just hanging out

Explosion is very in tune with Katsuki’s emotions and will work independently to help to express them

Helping Bakugou calm down by letting him pet him

Or yipping and barking when he’s happy

Sitting on top of his homework if he’s up to late

cuddling if Bakubou has a nightmare

among many other things!

Ninth drawing is more of the beginning of their relationship, Bakugou doesn’t want to acknowledge what happened to him, but Exlposion is there and he really can’t ignore the fluff ball forever

Tenth drawing is the special part about Explosion HE CAN BECOME A BUFF BOI FOR BAKUGO TO RIDE

Explosion is a bit of an anxious dog and he RARELY does it, but in a pinch Explosion will manifest for the sake of helping civilians or getting Katsuki from one place to the other if he's grounded 

So the fluff ball only manifests in battle to YEET both himself and Katsuki OUT of battle

He can fly... and also jump up and blast people in the face

Eleventh drawing is Shinsou’s spirit Brainwash! An agender classic greek siren! Feathery, powerful and feral as shit.

They love Shinsou and they are not afraid to show it

They also rarely speak and communicates through grunts or chirps 

they have a LOT of feathers

Twelfth drawing is to show Brainwash is about three steps away from mass murder... Shinsou is a tired boy who is honestly #done with the villain comments and Brainwash’s constant need for murder.

And that’s all folks, thanks for reading and sorry it took so long, enjoy!- Spectra

[fruitless-vain]

Can I just say that social distancing is a huge dang help for socializing Yoshi.

Usually when we walk by dogs, deliberately putting space between us or even saying “she’s not quite ready to meet your dog yet” they just kinda shove past your words and go “oh he’s friendly!! Let’s just try!!!!!!!”. But right now as soon as we start shifting over to give us space people are immediately calling their dogs closer to them and respecting our requests to add space. It’s a dream right now, I hope the weather stays a bit warmer so we can get out more frequently and utilize the space people are willing to give us finally.

On that we did go out yesterday to see how things would go and it was a dream. We sat in a big field and reinforced looking at larger dogs, playful behaviour, and any curiosity towards potential triggers. About ten minutes of that and she didn’t really care what was going on around her and seeing big dogs playing was starting to make her playful. Ended up putting her 20 foot lead on because we were getting good safe distances and she kept wanting to zoomy and express play behaviour. She was able to do her own thing, play with her disc on lead, do some tricks and maintain such good focus and excitement with great big scary dogs easily within a range that would typically cause her concern or reactivity.

For the sake of social distancing we probably shouldn’t have let her meet a dog but we asked the owner if he was okay with it and he was totally comfortable with it. This dog was the perfect size and demeanour for her, she was showing so much curiosity so we decided to allow the interaction. She went up to him (very politely I must say!) and had no hesitations sniffing nose to nose right off the hop (which is something that would typically cause her fear responses). She happily went and sniffed his butt no problem, when he went to sniff hers she became a tad stressed, facial tension, shift in body language. We changed the way we were positioned so she didn’t feel so enclosed, and rewarded every time he approached her. By the end of the interaction the stress signals decreased dramatically and she began to try to engage the other dog in play. This dog owner was a godsend, every time he saw Yoshi getting a little unsettled he helped call his dog back a little bit so she wouldn’t get overwhelmed and let them try again. It was beautiful, perfection, loved it.

[ilikeelephants]

I have been overwhelmed lately. Mainly on getting my dogs to get along with e/o.

Loki is fine, he doesn’t care for most things. Bailey on the other hand, he is a hit or miss with other dogs. I’ve been really good at reading him and knowing when he might react. 

I know it’s not Bailey’s fault that he wasn’t socialized as a pup.  That’s why the pressure is on me with Loki. Loki is good but he shy’s away from ppl. He’s also unsure with big dogs. 

I brought Loki to the dog park, it took him a while to acclimate to the new hectic environment. He didn’t really play with other dogs, maybe if I bring him there a few more time. 

I just wished there was a dog park nearby where I live. There’s off-leash hours at the local park, however the dogs there don’t play nice or they’re bullies. 

Loki was bit by a dog there. He didn’t bleed but that was scary for me. It was a small white dog that bit him. Loki isn’t afraid of other dogs after the incident, but I am! 

I’ve brought Loki out when he was younger to meet strangers, but maybe I just have to continue doing that for a bit. All these pressure. 

As much as I love Bailey, I don’t want another reactive dog.  I’ve spent a lot of time on training and counter-conditioning Bailey, he’s manageable now. But he will never be the dog that I want him to be. (And that’s fine) 

I just can’t deal with another reactive dog. Everyone advocate for adoptions, but yet are they also willing to work with a problem dog? 

I know I bit off more than I can chew with Bailey, but I did not give up on him. I made a commitment and I intend on keeping it for the rest of our lifetime. 

It’s not easy. 

Everyone wants a dog like Loki, low energy, well behaved (I trained him from day one), listens to commands well, comes back when called. 

I’m more confident handling Loki than I am with Bailey. I can take things out of Loki’s mouth, put my hands in there, etc. But Bailey on the other hand, nope. 

I train both of them in between a gate, Bailey on one side and Loki on the other side. I would have Loki sit and he needs to look me in the eye, before I reward him with the treat. Bailey is catching on, and he’s doing the same. 

I just hope they can learn from e/o, not the bad behaviors but the good. 

I know Bailey is unfit for dog parks. He likes to smell other dogs, but I’m not entirely sure if he likes to play with other dogs. He also doesn’t like rumbustious dogs. Who can blame him? He’s already 9 years old. 

[wyrddogs]

I’m going to talk somewhat briefly about why I’ve been using running as part of Kermit’s training, with the caveat that I am not a professional dog trainer, I’m just some random person who likes dogs and mostly avoids dog training discussions but occasionally reads or overhears things that I kludge into my training style.

First thing is I accidentally discovered that when Bindi is startled by something that she finds scary (e.g. a motorcycle backfiring, a firecracker, etc.) having her focus on me or work on place, like I was taught in reactivity class, is not super helpful to her. Even though she’ll look at me or lay on her mat, she’s still shaking and thinking about how scared she is. Meanwhile, telling her to pull me as hard and fast as she can for at least a block (two is better) lets her expend all that emotion through hard physical activity. After a good hard pull, she’ll shake herself off and return to her usual self.

Next is Monique Anstee (Naughty Dogge on FB) had a semi-feral, extremely fearful dog that she rehabilitated over several months, and one of the things she did to help him was run him super hard every day. And after a run he was able to manage his own emotions and handle training better.

Third is @malinwoman (hope you don’t mind that I tag you) mentioned in a post that acting out your flight/fight response by running or punching something is super helpful in getting over a stressful situation.

So when I first started leashing Kermit and preventing him from eating poop, that was a stressful experience for him-- because I wasn’t letting him do what he wanted, and more than that, I was waiting him out so he had to make his own decision, on his own time, to turn away from the poop. Even though he gets a big reward for leaving the poop it’s still stressful for him. When I let him pick the pace, he chooses to run as fast as he possibly can for as long as he possibly can. Then, like Bindi after she pulls me, he shakes off.

It has the added benefit of putting him into a really good mood, even though I’m not letting him do what he wants. Our last walk out there ended with him prancing ahead of me with his tail held high even though almost 50% of our walk consisted of me waiting for him to choose not to eat poop.

It helps that his legs are very short and I’m faster than he is.