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amphtaminedreams · 4 years ago

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Sitting Front Row at...(On a Budget Obvs): Lookbook no.15

Hey to anyone reading!

And welcome to my fave lookbook I’ve done in a longggg ass time! Yes, that’s partially because it involved making collages and doing the low effort work of scouring Vogue Runway for “research purposes”, but I promise, that statement wasn’t made out of COMPLETE laziness-I am super happy with it too. It’s been a good use of pre-part-lockdown-lift time in the interim between that brief period of Christmas celebrations and eateries finally fucking opening again because let’s be honest, I always knew I was gonna get distracted by oat milk vanilla lattes and veggie all day breakfasts once I could actually sit down with them at my fave local cafe. You could say I was very much operating on a self-imposed deadline.

The “what I would wear to sit front row at...[insert designer here]” TikTok/Instagram reel trend was something I wanted to get on board with ever since I first saw one and whilst the option of doing my own live action take-I really cannot bear the thought of having to edit footage of myself awkwardly attempting to sit nonchalantly in front of a camera for hours on end-was off the cards considering my complete lack of screen presence, I decided a Tumblr text post would work just as well, and if not even better in a way. Given the absence of the time limitations you face when you’re making a reel or a TikTok I thought it’d be cool to present the looks as part of a mini moodboard for each designer which adds a bit of context to each look even if you aren’t familiar with their past collections and establishes the general vibe of the brand I’m attempting to replicate. Not to sound snotty or as if I am the font of all knowledge on anything high fashion related but even with my amateur knowledge I noticed that as the video trend took off and was adopted by big name influencers, it became less about the average person putting their own personal spin on the aesthetic of the labels we can’t ordinarily afford and more about them building outfits that only vaguely resemble the general public perception of the brand around the real corresponding (and often gifted and thus inaccessible to someone who doesn’t makes thousands for a sponsored post) pieces they own SO I thought I’d take the trend back to its roots and get a bit resourceful. All that being said, in no particular order, here are the outfits I would wear to sit front row at Gucci, Vera Wang, Miu-Miu, Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana, Brock Collection, Alexander McQueen, Etro, Burberry aaaand Saint Laurent based on their past collections and guess what? They didn’t cost a shit tonne of money :-)

-disclaimer: will include an asterisk before any new purchases if from a high street store though to be honest, I don’t think there are any, we shall see! I do include where I got old purchases from in case anyone wants to search anything on Depop/Ebay-

1. Saint Laurent (formerly Yves Saint Laurent)

-blazer from identityparty on Depop, pleather trousers from Zara, jewellery from Dolls Kill-

I know technically abbreviating Saint Laurent to YSL doesn’t really make much sense anymore given the brand’s name change in 2012, but I’ll always think of it as that in the same way I’ll always associate it with the slightly dishevelled yet simultaneously glitzy rock n’ roll aesthetic. The thing is, whilst YSL hasn’t done anything wildly out of the box for a long time, it’s rare they put a look on the runway that I wouldn’t wear; they never end up being a fashion week standout but the Parisienne take on grunge we’ve seen Anthony Vaccarello establish as his go-to will always have a place in my heart.

2. Alexander McQueen

-embroidered leather jacket from Ebay (originally Topshop), harness from Amazon, dress from ASOS, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

Alexander McQueen is a brand that is pretty much universally liked, from the historically extravagant and groundbreaking shows the man himself put together to Sarah Burton’s more toned down but still beautiful collections. Obviously I didn’t attempt to do justice to the former, so I tried my hand at putting together a look inspired by Sarah’s blend of delicate femininity and nomadic edge, and it went...okay? Like it’s definitely not my favourite of all the looks because it does give off slightly cheap copycat vibes buuut outside of the context of this lookbook it’s cute.

3. Brock Collection

-boater hat from Ebay, midi skirt from morganogle on Depop, corset top from ownmode_, heels from amybeckett1, bag from Primark-

Brock isn’t as well known a brand as most of the others in this list but I adore everything Laura Vassar Brock does and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try and channel the vision of one of the OG pioneers of the cottagecore vibe through my own wardrobe. I mean fr, this woman’s work as a steady provider of meadow photoshoot worthy dresses and corsets and skirts is v slept on and I will not stand for it. I will sit in front of a camera and then write a paragraph in my blog post begging anybody who reads to give LVB (an abbreviation I acknowledge is unlikely to catch on because Lisa Vanderpump anybody?) some form of acknowledgement for her services to period romance novel inspired moodboards everywhere.

4. Marc Jacobs

-coat from House of Sunny, white shirt from Retro World Camden, co-ord from Sugar Thrillz, bag from Poppy Lissiman-

If there’s one thing Marc Jacobs always does, it’s COMMITS. TO. HIS. THEME. I just KNOW he has a secret Pinterest with separate boards for every fashion era of the 20th century and he is putting those boards to good use providing us with collections that are as immersive as they are eclectic year in year out.

5. Miu Miu

-beret from H&M, hair clips from H&M, jewellery from Primark, coat from mollyyemmaa on Depop, shirt from YesStyle, sweater vest from YesStyle, skirt from Depop, diamanté belt from Brandy Melville, shoes from Koi Vegan Footwear-

We all like to talk about Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls and Barbies as fashion inspo but can we all focus on Cabbage Patch dolls for two secs so as to acknowledge the fact that a Miu Miu collection is basically all their fits grown up? And made boujie as fuck? If I want my fix of Wes Anderson meets Scream Queens (what a combo) inspired outfits, if I want prissy and girlish but also glam, if I want to look like a bratty rich girl whose one redeeming quality is her eye for vintage clothes, I know where to look and that is the Miu Miu section of Vogue Runway.

6. Vera Wang

-blazer as in no.1, velvet bralet from catdegaris on Depop, harness from Amazon, skirt from Ebay, knee high socks from Ebay, lace up boots from Ebay-

Vera Wang’s RTW aesthetic, a blend of the ethereal, ultra-feminine bridal designs she’s known for and British style punk rock influences, is something I feel has only become firmly established in recent years but it is everything I ever wanted and more. I always find myself trying to balance the part of me that loves everything girly and delicate and pretty and the part of me that would love to be in a biker gang and Vera’s collections are always an inspirational reminder of just how well it can be done.

7. Burberry

-coat from charity shop, suit from emmafisher3 on Depop, top from simranindia, shirt underneath from Zara, jewellery from ASOS-

Now I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Burberry but there have been a few looks over the past few years I’ve really liked and as someone who owns numerous trench coats, high necks and way too much plaid, I thought it’d be an easy one to replicate. Plus, if you can count on Riccardo Tisci for nothing else you at least can rely on him giving you some layering inspo which is very much needed in a country where it literally just snowed in April and where my plans for today have just been cancelled because the iPhone weather app did a Karen Smith and didn’t predict rain for today right up until it started raining so thanks for that one British meteorologists. Your incompetence strikes again.

8. Etro

-corset from Urban Outfitters, vinyl trench coat from Topshop, boots from Ebay, black slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, fur trim afghan coat from louisemarcella-

Like with Brock Collection, Etro isn’t a hugely well known brand, but it is always one of my favourites-to add a spanner into the works of any attempts to cultivate a firm sense of personal style, I live for the ornate Bohemian look that Etro does so well just as much as I love both grungy and girly pieces, and so I really wanted to include a brand whose collections go down that route. It was a toss-up between this and Zimmerman, the flirtier, free spirit counterpart to the dark romance of Veronica Etro’s designs; her vision really shines through the most when it comes to the brand’s winter collections, imo, and given that I live in a country where winter or some weather state resembling it does seem to take up 70% of the year, I did decide on channelling her work rather than that of the equally talented Nicky and Simone Zimmermann this time round.

9. Dolce & Gabbana

-flower crown from ASOS, tiara from Amazon, earrings from YesStyle, dress from alicealderdice1 on Depop, opera gloves from Ebay, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

D&G is a brand I felt really conflicted about doing-I don’t include their current collections in my fashion week reviews based on the actions of designers Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce over the last few years because I don’t want to mitigate the collective effort of fashion critics to push them towards irrelevancy. Though people like to claim the brand has turned a corner since Lucio Di Rosa was brought on board as the manager of celebrity and VIP relations last year (they are as prolific a force on red carpet fashion as ever), we haven’t seen any real meaningful apologies or reparations made by Dolce and Gabbana themselves which once again leaves us in the all too familiar quandary of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist especially when it is far too much of a simplification to only credit the two men for their work given there’s a whole design team behind them. There are a LOT of shitty people working in fashion, the whole industry is a bit of a cesspit if we’re honest, but I don’t think that should stop us from at least being able to appreciate old collections if we make sure we aren’t engaging in any kind of promotion of current works whilst doing so. D&G are a brand of high highs and low lows, with looks that range from hideously ugly to showstoppingly beautiful in a single show-when the looks are good, they are GOOD-and their presence in the fashion world is most definitely felt whether we want it to be or not. It would just be shit to refuse to recognise the existence of some real iconic runway moments, the practical work that went into the ornate detail and opulence that helped cement D&Gs place in sartorial history, the styling that’s made goddesses and fairytale queens out of modern day women as they’ve glided down catwalks, the far more extravagant and, let’s be real, sexier version of our world D&G shows have transported us to in the past. Will I talk about D&G ever again? No, and if you Google the scandals their brand has faced over the past few years, there are more than enough reasons why, but just this once I did want to pay homage to some of the collections, the snippets of which I saw on my Tumblr dashboard back when I was about 13, that first got me into fashion.

10. Gucci

-fur coat from Topshop, clips from Zaful, glasses from Ebay, dress from gracewright246 on Depop, shirt from Boohoo, blazer from charity shop-

Now last but, if you ever read any of my fashion week reviews (the likelihood of someone actually having read one of them and reading this is incredibly, incredibly slim lol, I wouldn’t read me either) you’ll know, definitely not least, is Gucci because Alessandro Michele comes through every!! single!! time!!

The man is truly the king of quirky throwback maximalism and it hurts my heart that a lot of people seem to think of it only as a brand associated with ostentatious displays of wealth. Year after year since Michele was made creative director he has released purposeful, fully-fleshed out collections which unravel themselves to us on the runway like time capsules containing the belongings of the rich and whimsical and yes that can sometimes result in outfits which are *ahem* a bit mismatched but it doesn’t matter because through fashion he manages to take us to a vivid version of the past where people could dress as freely and lavishly as they wanted to, into the wardrobe of a person unaffected by the side-eyeing of others. You get the impression he doesn’t design so much as plays around with some kind of enchanted dress up box and takes inspiration from there and to give that impression is only a credit to his talent-to make outfits so kooky and extravagant look like they were meant to be takes a boldness and genuine love for clothes that I do tend to feel a lot of the big name designers have lost in the pursuit of profit and the necessary placating of the dying customer base that keeps that coming in. Of course I'm not for a second saying Gucci does not care about profit, but at the very least, they have on board a creative director who genuinely has fun with what they’re putting out there and wants to make a statement too and that really shows; you can rest on your laurels and sell tweed boucle jackets to rich old white women for eternity but nobody’s going to mention your brand name and the word groundbreaking in the same sentence ever again unless they’re talking about what it was a century ago, you know (mentioning no names...unless...did I hear someone say Chanel)? That feels like such a shady way to end, lol, but I’m sure said brand will survive-to be fair, they’ve been included in every other What I’d Wear to Sit Front Row At video I’ve seen so although I’m always slagging them off for doing the saaaaame thinggggg year after year, for that same reason their aesthetic is instantly recognisable and so will always be a source of imitation. There are obviously pros and cons to being a brand which constantly reinvents itself but I think it’s totally possible to do that whilst maintaining an overall mission, and Alessandro Michele’s work at Gucci demonstrates that with ease.

Anyway, if you got to here, thanks for reading! I know I’m super behind on this whole TikTok trend and I know a Tumblr post instead of a video is a bit of a cop out but all the real, physically awkward ones out there know that watching yourself back is excruciating lmao, so I hope this does the trick. After this, I’m gonna get back to the reviewing S/S21 collections post though knowing me I’ll probs take a few days to get back into that because I feel like since I left full-time education (RIP me going back in a few months) writing continuously like this for any longer than about 15 mins fries what brain cells I have left. Again, thank you for reading and if you are, sending many good vibes your way! Stay safe!

Lauren x

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kingfallstranscripts-blog · 7 years ago

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Episode 18: Make King Falls Great Again

Sammy:Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a very special daytime broadcast with Sammy and Ben.

Ben: We are live at the Main Street park celebrating a very special day with what looks like the entire town.

Sammy: I gotta tell ya, while I've got my doubts about the veracity of the claim today -

Ben: Don't.

Sammy: Let me finish...this defiantly brings a smile to my face and warms my heart to see this massive turn out. So many familiar faces...and voices. This is a big deal...

Ben: Yeah, Sammy, it is a big deal. Can you name another town in history that's been voted best small town in america 7 years straight?!

Sammy: Legit? Or just by the Chamber of Commerce?

Ben: ... that's besides the point.

Sammy: I think that'st he actual entire point, Ben. This is propaganda.

Ben: Don't!

Sammy: But very lovely propaganda, no less.

Ben: Don't go all "conspiracy theorist" on me. You don't even believe half the stuff that walks right on through our radio station door!

Sammy: You know what, you're right. I'm just gonna punt this care package of sense and reason right out the door and instead celebrate our towns storied history like a patriotic citizen.

Ben: That is good to hear.

Sammy: You're ridiculous.

Ben: It is what it is man! Regardless of who voted on this, I believe it is the best small town in america.

Sammy: And you know that is what really counts.

Ben: You see that parade, Sammy? How can you be pouting over statistics with a parade like that?

Sammy: It was a beautiful parade. I'm not completely sure that the day-time strippers from Sassy's House of Ass should have been along side the rest of the floats, but... not my call.

Ben: I will concede you that point. Although! A big shout out to Karen's Craft Corner for best use of paper mache on that stripping pole.

Sammy: *chuckles* Folks, I know you aren't used to hearing out voices in the daytime, but if you are in the area, you should really come on down. It's a hell of a party here. Fair type atmosphere, there's balloons for the kids, lots of heart stopped cholesterol laden treats.

Ben: Plus! The official coronation starts in less than TEN. FRIGGIN'. MINUTES people and you don't wanna miss it. So put some stank on it, and high tail it downtown.

Sammy: (monotone) So... I know that I have to introduce the mayor.

Ben: (mimicking monotone) Can you please hide the excitement from your voice, Sammy? We don't wanna cause a panic.

Sammy:*chuckles* As I was saying, I know that's coming up in just a few minutes, but you do have a guest for us before -

Ben: YOU KNOW IT. This is really special.

Pete: (in the distance) King Falls AM? I can't believe those two jokers are still on the air! I say, we boycott! Rally everyone! Storm the tower! *starts chanting* Take them down! Take them...everybody, everybody, come on now *still chanting alone* Take them down! Take them down!

Sammy: Who the - Pete Meyers?!

Pete:...no. No, uh, it's - oh hey guys I didn't see you broadcasting there.

Ben: Whatever, Pete. Why don't you put your leash back on and go hang out with Howard Ford Beauregard.

Pete: The third! I don't know why you don't acknowledge it. It's important, it's part of the name. And... I can do what I want.

Sammy: Let it go, buddy. Uh, you were saying about the guest...

Pete: Shows you! He ain't even here, anyway.

Ben: Oh,right. What was I thinking? Vampires hate the sun, right? Of course he wouldn't be here, my bad.

Pete: Right! I mean...no- wha? No! Vampires? What?

Ben: Exactly! You heard it here folks! Another King Falls AM exclusive. Howard Beauregard's own gardener confirms -

Pete: Sensationalist liberal media! (voice fades as he walks away) I am never watching you broadcast in the park ...

Ben: GOOD!

Sammy: Hey, Ben?

Ben: Oh, uh, right right. Uh, you aren't gonna believe this, Sammy. Seriously, we are in for a real treat. Joining us right after this commercial break? I'm literally shaking look at this.

Sammy: Alright, enough suspense Ben! Reel in this fish. Also, please say it's Merv the station owner.

Ben: Come on, Sammy, I can produce guests. I can't produce miracles.

Sammy: Worth a shot.

Ben: Good luck with that. But, uh, anyway, right after the break - King Falls very own *mimics drum rolls* RICH MCGUFF FROM RICH MCGUFF'S LEATHER BOUND BOOKS.

Sammy: ... you just used that much build up -

Ben: Dude, you have no idea! Rich McGuff does not come out in public. He's like King Fall's own Howard Hughes. I can count on one hand how many times I've actually seen him in my life time.

Sammy: And you got him?! That is pretty impressive, Ben.I guess.

Ben: They say he has the essence of a 1980's Tom Selleck. And the libido of well, uh... like uh, a young Tom Selleck.

Sammy: So one could say he's the young Tom Selleck of leather bound books?

Ben: Oh man he's gonna love that! Can I tell him, do you mind?

Sammy: But does he have the mustache?

Ben: Sammy... if you've ever seen a more elegant mustache than Rich's? Well, *scoffs* then, you're lying. Because it's magnificent. Spellbinding, even.

Sammy: Right after the break?

Ben: After the break!

Sammy: That was your cue to go to break, Ben.

Ben: Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about that glorious, sculpted facial hair. You know I couldn't grow a mustache like that in a million years...

(sounds of crowd cheering and clapping suddenly)

Sammy: We are on schedule, right?

Announcer over loud speaker: King Falls Own... Dusty Reynolds!

Ben: We are - uh - you know what? Let's use the power of technology to jump over to the main stage where Dusty Reynolds is about to perform. He can sing us to break!

Sammy: Sounds like a plan.

Ben: King Falls, we'll be back live from the Best Small Town America celebration in Main Street park right after the smooth sounds of my personal friend, Dusty.

Dusty: *starts strumming guitar* *in country voice* ♪Javier the pool boy, you have ruined my life. You used to clean my filters now you're banging my wife. Oh, Javier, hey Javier... I hate you. Donald Trump said you should go back where you came from. And after seeing you with my girl I don't think he's so dumb. Hey Javier oh Javier... I hate you. Wish that you would just disappear! Oh man I wish you were dead. And when I think of you and Gloria I wanna put a gun to my head. Oh Javier, hey Javierrrrr. I (censored) hate you ♪ *crowd cheers*

Ben: Oh, uh- sorry about that. Here's a word from our sponsors.

*Upbeat Piano music*

Hi. I'm Sammy Stevens from 660 on the radio dial. The kind folks at the Chamber of Commerce know that our elderly friends at the King Falls Geriatric Center can't make it down today. Especially after the handicap ramp closures... so please enjoy an afternoon with your favorite King Fall's ivory tickler, Ed Shambley. Ed is graciously taking the day off from Nolan's Drugstore to come play from his self released smash, "Peanuckle Shuffle". From what I've heard there's no better way to get ride of the colostomy bag blues. From "Uh-oh I Can't Get Pp" to " I Think My Grandson Stole My Savings Bond" Ed Shambley will keep the King Falls Geriatric Center rocking, rolling, and mall strolling to the hits. Happy 7th Best Town Small in America, ladies and gents.

Sammy: Welcome back to King Falls that's 660 on the AM dial. We've got a -

Emily: Hi, Ben! Hi, Sammy!

Ben: Hi, Emily!

Sammy: Hi, Emily! Come on up here. The lovely Miss Emily Potter is making her way up to join us. *quietly* Hey Ben are you sure she's gonna be okay to be around Rich McGuff?

Ben: Oh, good point. I'll make this quick.

Emily: Hi, guys! Are you live?

Sammy: We are live. How are you doing today, Emily?

Emily: Oh, I'm just having a great time! These kind of things is exactly why I love King Falls so much. It really is the best small town in america.

Ben: See, Sammy?

Sammy: Well now I'm sold.

Emily: Well I just wanted to tell you two hi and good luck with your special daytime show today! I hope it goes swimmingly.

Ben: *clearly flusted* Aw, thanks, Emily.It's really sweet of you..,.

Emily: Don't mention it. I'm just happy I don't have to stay up so late to talk to you.

Sammy: *softly* Ohhhhhhh.

Emily: Uh, I - I mean, the show. To listen to the show. I-I love you guys. I, well, I mean - I love, uh, the show. I love the show, and you guys.

Ben: I'm happy to hear your voice too, Emily.

Emily: Sooooo, after your broadcast, do you maybe wanna come to Frickards with me?

Ben: YES. Wait- what?

Emily: See, Greg Frickard came by the library booth earlier and asked if I'd like to have dinner after everything is wrapped up at the ceremony. Annnnnd I was hoping you'd come with me?

Ben: That son of a...Frickard.

Emily: But, y-you don't have to. If you don't want to...

Ben: Oh! I mean, of course I do! It's just...a frog place? I don't really -

Sammy: It's not a conflict of interest, Ben. You know that Granny Frickard's Froggery is just one of our amazing SPONSORS here.

Ben: *dryly, very monotone* It's a delicious place to eat. Put's some pep in my step and... some hop in my heart.

Emily: So... is that a yes? I...really can't tell. Are you alright?

Ben: I'd love to go with you. Anywhere. Even a -

Sammy: Ahem.

Ben: ... the best froggery this side of saddle creek.

Emily: Great! So, it's a date! Just come find me after the show. Bye, Sammy. Bye, Ben!

Ben: Did she say date? She said date, right?

Sammy: It sounded like she invited you to a date.

Ben:... Frickard.

Sammy: Ben, I don't wanna alarm you, but there is a heavily mustachioed gentleman walking up behind you.

Ben: Oooohohoho! Oh man, oh man. Okay, okay. King Falls I am so proud to introduce Mr -

Ernie: *heavy typical New York mobster accent* Heyyyy ya Ben. Hows yous guys doin?

Ben: Ernie Salcedo?

Ernie: From Ernie's mufflers! How ya doin, pally?

Ben: I...uh...

Sammy: Hi, Ernie! Uh, nice to meet ya, sir.

Ernie: Nice to make your acquiescence or..what have yous, Sammy.

Ben: I'm sorry, Ernie, we were just uh expecting -

Ernie: Rich McGuff! Yeah, he couldn't make it down to the thing, eh, he had some little thing to do somewheres else.

Ben: Uh, why are you here?

Ernie: Ohhhh, Rich and I go way back to this one thing that we did for this one guy. Long time ago.

Sammy: Uh-huh

Ernie: It's a long story you might say. I can't really get all into the encompassing details and what not. Long story short, Rich can't make it. He's, uh, a little tied up/

Ben: *nervously high voice* Like actually tied up?

Ernie: You're a funny guy, Benny.

Ben: *same high voice* Uh-huh

Ernie: It's a compliment. Some cultures, when a compliment is paid, the complimented might give some appreciation back...

Ben: I - uh- th-thank you so much Mr. Salcedo... do you want actual money? I-I don't have my wallet on me, but -

Ernie: Haaaa, this guy. You gotta watch him! He's a regular Don Rickles.

Ben: Ha... is that a compliment?

Ernie: You're almost too funny, Benny...alomst.

Ben: Uh, uh. Th - uh, thank you, Ernie. You - you are a very large...broad shouldered...intimidating man.

Ernie: You're a sweet kid.

Sammy: Well, thanks for letting us know, Ernie. Ernie from Ernie's Mufflers, ladies and gentlemen. For all your... muffler needs?

Ernie: No problem. I gotta go see a guy about a thing anyway. You stay funny. Benny.

Ben: *whispering* Is he gone? Please tell me he's gone.

Sammy: Are you okay over there, Ben?

Ben: He didn't leave a fish anywhere, did he?

Sammy: He's gone, Ben. I think your safe?

Ben: Jesus...

Sammy: So, no Rich McGuff?

Ben: I forgot after running into the Godfather - uh, Godfather of muffler... things?

Sammy: I think the term your looking for is "whosies whatsies"

Ben: I really wanted to talk to Rich McGuff too DAMMIT.

Sammy: Well, let's just hope that Rich is alright. Maybe you can snag him for the 8th annual next year, Ben.

Ben: Don't get cocky about it, man. There's no guarantees we'll get it again.

Sammy: Something tells me that it's a lock...

Ben: Phew! Okay...I'm okay, folks! Uh, Sammy? Uh, you better go get ready to announce -

Sammy: *monotone* Mayor Grisham.

Ben: Yeah, but try to have some excitement in your voice? That'd really sell it. Like you actually like the guy.

Grisham: How ya doin fellas? This is a fine day. How's your mom, Ben?

Ben: Oh man! Such a great day to be part of King Falls, mayor! Thanks for inviting us to host the uh -

Grisham: Yeah...that wasn't my call. It was originally Storm Sanders, but since he's-

Sammy: Please say off the reservation -

Grisham: That's completely culturally insensitive, Sammy! Have some tact. Since Storm is....ummm, not available to us today...the Chamber of Commerce insisted we go with...you.

Sammy: Believe me, Mayor, we are just as thrilled about this as you are.

Grisham: Right. I'll see you up on that stage, Sammy. Please make it short and sweet. I've got an announcement to make.

Sammy: Oh, so I should totally throw away the 8 pages of compliments I wrote for ya. Oh, all that hard work right down the drain.

Grisham: Yeah yeah yeah, good stuff, Stevens.

Ben: Uh, Mayor, before you go, would you mind giving the listeners at home a sneak peak of your announcement? I mean, most of the town is here and they'll hear it live. Could be a cool little thing for the station.

Grishman: You know what, Ben? I think that's a good idea. A great idea, even. You think this might help mend this mutually hurting bridge between King Falls AM and myself?

Sammy: Mayor? We'd love to get the scoop if you're willing to give it to us.

Grishman: So, we're good?

Ben: Water under the infrastructurally unsafe bridge. Sammy?

Sammy: Mayor, if you're happy, we're happy.

Grisham: That's the spirit!

Ben: So, Mayor Grisham, after the coronation in just a few short minutes, you're making an announcement?

Grisham: Absolutely, Ben. After today's crowning achievement of King Falls being the best small town in america and for the 7th year in a row, I don't think there's a better time to let the citizens of this wonderful town know that I'll be running, once again, for mayor in 2016.

Ben: Oh, wow! This is big news! This is a real scoop! This is -

Sammy: A load of horse (censored) !

Ben: WHAT?

Grisham: Excuse me?! Stevens?!

Ben: Uh *laughs nerviously* uh, what Sammy meant to say is that -

Sammy: *matterly of factly* Is that this is such a load of -

Ben: Sammy!

Grisham: Jesus (censored) Christ, are you serious right now, Sammy? Are we on the air, Ben? Alright, you guys are "Punking" me, right?

Ben: Uh, w-w-we are... live.

Sammy: So, mayor Grisham, you're announcing your bid for the seat you already hold at the town wide celebration that, let's face it, is far from legit.

Grisham: Are you- are you doing this right now? What happened to water under the bridge?

Sammy: That bridge literally collapsed under the load of manure you are planning on dumping on to it. Do you announce something special like this at every made up King Falls event, or is this just something special?

Grisham: How dare you!

Ben: Mayor *laughs nervously* Sammy's been taking a lot of cold medicine. You know how the old 'tussin makes ya loopy! He doesn't even mean this...

Sammy: What did he announce last year at the sixth annual best small town in america celebration?

Grisham: If you must know, smart ass, we announced the- the uhh -

Ben: *slowly like it's just starting to hit him* He announced the 2.5 million dollar add on to the already newly remolded city hall...

Grisham: I..I'd have to - I'd have to talk to Riley first and get the figures -

Sammy: And what about the fifth annual fest -

Grisham: You know what, we're done here -

Ben: Mayor Grishman announced 20% raises for all the King Falls county government employees.

Grisham: Again - gentlemen, I...I need to speak to Riley - I need to figure out these figures. You- you know it may have happened -

Ben: *sadly and softly* This is a sham...

Grisham: Are you happy, Stevens? Is this what you want? To ruin this town for everyone? Bring your big city conspiracy and your trash talk radio to my town? Are you happy?

Sammy: I think anyone that has this much problem with checks and balances is probably shady and worth looking into.

Grisham: You're a real piece of...work, Stevens!

Sammy: Coming from you? That means absolutely nothing.

Ben: Uhhh, whoa, uhh, I know this probably isn't the best time, but you two gentlemen are needed over at the main stage for the presentation and ribbing cutting.

Grisham: One word about this, Stevens. One utterance of your conspiracy fueled hog wash, and I will... AHEM. Ahem.

Sammy: Oh, I'm sorry, please continue to threaten me live on the radio waves. What was that?

Grisham: Listen up. You listen good. You have you little slice on sensationalized lies with your 12 listeners on AM radio. You stick to the damn facts and go announce King Falls as the best small damn town to live in or, so help me, I will have Sheriff Gunderson drag your ass outta here for preemptively inciting a riot! These people deserve it!

Sammy: And you of course.

Grisham: You're absolutely right. I love my city! Unlike yourself. Do your job for once and I'll do mine. You two disgust me. And don't think I won't write Merv a strongly worded letter after this!

Sammy: Yeah, good luck finding him.

Announcer over loud speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a real treat for you -

Ben: *sighs* Sammy, you should probably go do what ya gotta do...

Sammy: You know that I'm not doing this to - to paint the town in a negative light, right?

Ben: I do! I really do, but... do you know how much this town needs this?

Sammy: I do. And I love this town, I love these people. And maybe knowing the truth behind things is hard, but..I'd like to think it's better than living with the lie of it all. This isn't some BS proclamation by the Chamber of Commerce or a marginalized and power hungry schmuck that makes this town what it is... it's the people. It's the town. That's what makes King Falls great, and they deserve to know that.

Announcer over loud speaker: From King Falls AM, 660 on the radio dial, let's hear some applause out there! Mr. Sammy Stevens from the Sammy and Ben show! (crowd cheering and clapping) Oh, uh, my apologizes, Mr. Mayor,... yes, of course... uh, sl-slight change of plans, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome back to the stage, Mr. Dusty Reynolds!

Ben: What the?!

Sammy: Oh, I'll be back. POST MY BAIL, BEN!

Ben: Wait, what? Sammy! Uh, oh- okay. That was Sammy leaving. He's heading over to the - yup! He's running up on the stage, there...

Grisham: You're done, Stevens! DONE! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR (CENSORED) HEAD OFF!!!

(Crowd gasping dramatically )

Ben: Oh! Mayor Grisham just punched Sammy in the face! What the - (lots of censoring and fighting coming from the stage) Hey! Oh - oh - okay. Sammy just got- Sammy just- ohhhh. That's a suplex. Pretty sure that was a suplex. Sammy and Grisham are on the ground. This is literally like the end of Lethal Weapon. Except no rain... and neither of these men are proficient in mixed martial arts. (more screaming from crowd) HEY! DON'T! Oh, Mayor Grisham just went for a - a round house kick. And Sammy, nope - that - Sammy didn't even have to duck that was a terrible kick. No! Sammy! No, don't- don't- ooooo. How have they not broken this up? SOMEONE BREAK- SHOULD I BREAK THIS UP? (baby starts crying) Wh-where's Troy?!

Grisham: Someone cut their feed! Cut it! Cut the feed now!

Ben: I'm not even being biased, I think he's just angry Sammy had that headlock on him so long. La-ladies and gentlemen, I better -

Announcer: *nervous laughter* There's just horse-playing, folks. Right? Right guys? (more screaming and commotion from crowd) *Sighs* Somebody get the hose. Dusty! Play your damn song already! Best small town in America, my ass...

Dusty: (singing over crying babies, screaming crowd) ♪ Came up to my trailor when I was out of town, lord he took my smile and turned it upside down. Cause I caught you having sex with a rodeo clown. from the size of his shoes, I just can't compete ♪

(Sirens from police cars pulling up - music fades)

#king falls #king falls am #kfam #make king falls great again #podcast #transcript #18

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