#whatever it's fine lol i'll talk to my mom about it

[kuiinncedes]

big baby rant teehee :]]]]

am i just naive and dumb and delusional to have absolutely no plan for the future ,make dumb decisions like staying in my college city next yr w no job lined up, apply for jobs w the intention of staying in that city, not apply for jobs w all that much urgency or motivation, have this interview and tell them i cant relocate next yr which my mom thinks was the worst offense ever apparently, and fucked myself over and idk why she started yelling but i was like well i'm fucking myself over leave me alone basically

i don't even fucking care jfc whatever but when everything is telling me that this was a bad decision am i fucking dumb to still be like i think i can get a job for next year remote or in this city what the fuck i don't even fucking care rn whatever she can fucking deal with it i'm being a fuckup

i'm gonna still fucking apply for jobs ffs idk like do i fucking need to tell her everything abt my fucking job search why did i even tell her abt hte relocation thing i didn't even want to tell my parents i had a fucking interveiw today but i had to tell my dad since he was home today and ig he told her i shouldve just like said it was whatever when they asked and then said they rejected me like the other one

i'm gonna keep fucking applying idk what fucking choice i have but also like the one part of me that's like whats the fucking point idk why i was rejected the last time not that i htink i was perfect for the position but how am i supposed to do anything better and improve anything and actually get a job

it feels like i'm just submitting resumes to no response and writing cover letters for no reason and getting interviews and stressing and preparing for them and im just gonna get rejected so what's the point

ig i need to have a better mindset abt it like i'm not that like That hopeless abt it ig but now it feels like i'm being naive and overly not rly confident but like . indifferent abt it

idk fuck this whole thing i feel like my mom judges me for everything i'm doing w job search so when she asks me abt stuff i get super sensitive and annoyed and i don't want to tell her which idk if that's fair bc ig she wants to know what i'm doing but idk man like why do i need to tell her TT

this is why i don't wnat to stay here even tho she's like y dont u just stay at home no ones gonna bother u like bro UR gonna bother me when u come home from work u know who's gonna bother me at my apartment ACTUALLY no one or i can work at a nice campus building or cafe and be around my friends

i just don't have the fucking energy and motivation and skill to somehow be one of those ppl who applies for 2384963948732 jobs a day but i feel like i need to be doing that whatever i'm still like i think i can get a job but am i just dumb for being somewhat optimistic abt it still lmfao TT everyone saying the job market for like cs adjacent stuff is shit rn and it's not like i'm an incredible candidate and maybe i've just had stuff easy in the past where i've gotten into good college and shit and gotten good grades

what the fuck am i even talking abt anymore lmfao u know what im gonna shut up and send in some resumes to things that dont need cover letters and idk ugh i just want my parents to stop talking to me abt job search lowkey just let me figure it out and do it at my own pace but is that dumb also whatever i'm going back to campus tmrw and can i just stay for a long time :l and i HAVE AN INTERVIEW ON MONDAY WOWOWOWOW MOM R U PROUD R U LISTENING

what the fuck is the problem if i dont relocate ppl job search w the intention of not relocating right

i may be delusional thinking that i'll get a job but that's better than the alternative i think :DDDDD

[comradecowplant]

fuck it, being a "good person" is not worth being treated like this.

[reidsaurora]

Your event is so cute!!! Could I get a sun kissed Malibu dream house with Aaron?? 🥹 in need of some fluff with him hehe

i am so so sorry this took me so long to write! writer's block these past few months has been kicking my butt. but, thanks to my awesome betas, i think i wrote something you'll like! hope you enjoy!

"Summer Lovin" ~ A. Hotchner

Summary: As the start of summer arrives, you and your friends at the BAU find yourselves feeling a bit reminiscent of the summers before. Along with that reminiscence, you start to miss the days when you and Aaron had little babies instead of big kids…

Pairing: Dad!Aaron Hotchner x Mom!Reader

Word Count: 2,019

Content Warning: lots of talk of babies/pregnancy, sexual humor, kind of fade to black smut if you read between the lines lol, small mention of food, lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: i'm so sorry this took so long, i had a very hard time writing this and def meant to post it sooner. however, in the spirit of my city being under a heat advisory today, this feels appropriate to post 😂

Originally Written: 06/04/2024 through 06/25/2024

Beta Read By: @dungeons-are-too-cold and @virtual-vivi 🫶🏻🩷

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

Summer Celebration info can be found here!

Sun Kissed - fluff requests

Malibu Dream House - domestic!au

Aaron tossed off the blanket, letting out a small sigh of relief. “When did it get so hot?” he grumbled, his morning voice prominent. As he rolled over to his back, you spotted a big wet spot on the front of his tee shirt from just how much he was sweating.

Still, you scooted closer to him anyway and tossed an arm over his abdomen, his familiar scent filling your senses. “News said there’d be an excessive heat wave today.”

“It's probably ninety degrees already,” he complained, “and it's not even 9:00 yet.”

Rolling onto your side to face him, you left a trail of kisses along his jawline. “Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills,” you giggled, referencing one of your kids’ favorite movies. “When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do?”

“It's sweltering! How in the world could you possibly want to cuddle right now?” Aaron ignored your attempt to brighten the mood, instead opting to toss a pillow over his head and groan into it.

You just pulled the pillow away and left another peck on his jaw. “Because I love you. And because our children are gonna come in here any minute to take you away from me.”

He noticed the small pout that followed your statement, the expression enough to soften even Aaron Hotchner, king of stoicism, up. “Alright, fine. I'll allow it. But only because you drive a hard bargain.”

Your pout was replaced with a smirk as you snuggled closer into his side. “Mmm, that means a lot, coming from an ex-prosecutor. Maybe I should've gone to law school with you.”

“You're too sensitive for the big house, or whatever they say,” Aaron snickered. After noticing your look of offense, he quickly covered with, “I didn't mean it in a bad way. You have feelings. It's a very nice thing to come home to after dealing with emotionless psychopaths all day.”

“I think you're trying to compliment me. I'll take it.”

His lips met yours for a quick peck before saying, “I have nothing but compliments for you, my love,” Then, he met you with a second, much longer kiss, and while he tasted like morning breath, moments like this were so rare that you were willing to look past it.

One of his large hands met your leg, his calloused fingertips trailing along your bare skin. It felt like a lifetime since you'd been like this, with two children always needing your attention and the FBI always needing Aaron's. Just a simple touch of his fingers had you forgetting about the outside world, if even for just a moment.

Your lips met his neck, his stubble scratchy against your skin. He'd been away on a case in Seattle for about a week, and you were certain he hadn't shaved the whole trip. You liked it that way anyway.

His hand traveled further up under your nightgown, settling on your thigh. He squeezed the supple skin, a gesture of both affection and want.

“Are you trying to go for number three?” you joked before kissing his neck once more.

“Believe me,” Aaron chuckled, “if I knew I had enough time, I'd certainly try.”

As if on cue, four scurrying feet came stamping across the hardwood floor into your bedroom. “Good morning, Daddy!” both of your children yelled in sync, climbing onto the edge of the bed.

“That's why you're not allowed a third,” you mumbled into his ear. “The ones you have don't even appreciate me.”

“They love you, I promise,” he whispered, kissing your cheek. To the kids, he said, “Good morning. Don't you have anything else you want to say?”

They both turned to you, sheepish looks coming across their tiny, adorable faces. “Good morning, Mommy.”

“That's better,” Aaron said, gaining him a snicker from you. “Now, may I ask why the two of you are up so early and you're already in your swimsuits?”

It was then that you realized he was right. Jack, the older of your children, was sporting his favorite Spiderman swim trunks, while his little sister, Libby, had managed to dress herself in a cherry-print swimsuit she hadn't quite grown into yet. They made your heart melt.

“Daddy,” Libby sighed, clearly exasperated with her father, “don't you know what day it is?”

It happened to be the day your kids hadn't stopped talking about for weeks: the beginning-of-summer pool party you and Aaron threw every year for your friends and his coworkers at the BAU.

Aaron tapped a finger against his chin, his brows furrowing as he thought. “Let's see… it's not Libby’s birthday, and it's not Jack’s birthday, it's not my birthday, and I don't think it's your mom’s birthday,” his last comment earned him a sarcastic look from you. “Hmm, what day could it be?”

You joined in on his little game, tapping against your chin as you pretended to think. “Perhaps it's Christmas?”

Jack narrowed his eyes at you. “It's too early in the year for Christmas,” he said matter-of-factly.

“You're right.” As you continued tapping your finger, you shot Aaron a knowing look, which he gladly returned. He could tell by the gleam in your eye exactly what you meant with that look. “Is it…”

Each of you grabbed a kid, tickling and eliciting little squeals and giggles. “Pool party day?!” the two of you shouted in sync.

Libby thrashed around in your arms, laughing and squirming, while Jack attempted to escape his father's arms. Moments like these were almost as rare as the ones with just you and Aaron, so you had to take advantage of them while you could.

“It's pool party day!” Libby squeaked, while Jack was laughing so hard, he could barely breathe.

Their smiles and laughs pulled at your heartstrings. You wondered when the universe decided to make your babies grow up, since it seemed like only yesterday when you had a newborn and a two-year-old.

Bringing yourself out of your nostalgic trance, you pulled yourself out of the bed, grabbing each kid by the hand. “Who wants to make pancakes while Daddy’s in the shower?”

—

Soon enough, all your friends had arrived and it felt like summer had too. Penelope and Spencer were currently entertaining all the kids, while the other men were crowded around the grill and the rest of the ladies were sitting poolside and working on their tans.

“You ever wonder if either of them will have kids?” JJ asked, nodding toward Penelope and Spencer.

“Spencer, a hundred percent,” Emily answered, like her statement was a fact. “Penelope, I'm not so sure.”

You were next to jump into the conversation, not even bothering to look up from your magazine. “Why do you ask, Jen?”

JJ let out a longing sigh. “It's been so long since we've had a baby around here.”

Putting the magazine down, you looked over to her, eyebrows creased. “Henry's only three. It hasn't been that long.”

“You don't miss having a baby at our get-togethers? Emily, where do you stand?”

“Don’t look at me,” Emily said with wide eyes. “If I didn't have to change another diaper for a lifetime, it still wouldn't be long enough.” She was the one person in the group that was rather indifferent to children, but babies, she'd rather not talk about or be around.

“Yeah, babies are nice,” you said, “but the pregnancy part? That's what I'd rather go a lifetime without.”

“Well, I'm sure there's one thing we can all agree on,” JJ snickered. “At least making the baby is fun.”

Emily tossed the pillow behind her back in the direction of her coworker, giggling all the while. “Jennifer!”

“What?” she laughed as she swatted the pillow away. “Am I wrong?”

You let out a small snicker yourself, shooting a glance in the direction of your husband, who was currently taking his turn in manning the grill.

Neither of your friends missed that look, both their mouths falling agape at the expression. “Spill!” they squealed in sync.

Penelope made her way over from the edge of the pool, her face overtaken by the brightest smile known to mankind. “I heard the ‘Someone has beans to spill’ variety of squeals and giggles. What am I missing?”

“Nothing,” you insisted with an eye roll.

Emily patted the edge of her chaise, welcoming Penelope over. “Come sit, we're gonna get it out of her. After all, two out of three of us are profilers.”

Your eyes narrowed at the brunette. “Do you forget that I also used to be a profiler before my kids came along?”

“Stop changing the subject,” Penelope said with a swat of her hand. “Spill your guts. What did I miss?”

“Well, we were talking about how it's been so long since anyone on the team, past or present, has had a kid,” Jennifer explained.

“And someone looked at her husband with that look,” Emily further explained.

You scoffed. “It was not that look.”

“It totally was,” your friends spoke in sync.

Penelope's face lit up like a child in a candy store, her mind clearly running rampant with ideas of what the look meant. “Oh my God, are you-”

“No!” you quickly interrupted, knowing exactly where that question was headed. “Not yet anyway,” you mumbled under your breath.

The three of them practically jumped out of their seats and gathered around you, all screams and smiles.

“We haven't even had the conversation yet!”

“But you're going to!” Penelope insisted.

You rolled your eyes, but internally, you couldn't be happier for the gift of friendship from these three women. Jennifer, the mom friend in more ways than one. Emily, the voice of reason who not-so-secretly had a funny side and always knew how to make you laugh. And Penelope, the perfect shoulder to cry on and perfect soul to confide in. Lucky didn't even begin to describe how you felt about knowing these women.

Suddenly, you found yourself— as Penelope had said— spilling your guts. “I don't know. This morning just felt… different. Like, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have another baby around.”

The three of them flooded you with comments of love and support, hugs wrapping around you from each direction. Having another baby would be different, of course, but your friends were making sure that you knew it would be a good kind of different.

“I still have to get Aaron on board, so no one get too excited,” you reminded them.

JJ was already way ahead of you. “We've got the kids, Rossi and Derek have the grill. Don't worry about anything out here. You and your man deserve a moment of free time.”

“Just so we're clear,” you said, pointing a finger as if to further prove your point, “we are just going to talk. No funny business.”

Emily snickered. “Yeah, the same way you guys used to ‘talk’ on the jet?” Your cheeks heated to a bright red shade at her comment.

“Ew, Hotch is in the mile high club?!” Penelope practically screamed. Luckily, everyone else seemed too engrossed in conversation to hear her, but you were still mortified nonetheless.

“Okay, scratch what I said. I'm actually going inside to give myself a lobotomy.”

And with that, your friends were shouting in sync different variations of “Have fun!”

Then, with a smile on your face from both the joy of friendship and the love you had for your husband, you found yourself heading over to the grill and pulling Aaron away. His reaction was nothing short of laughter as you practically dragged him toward the house, his shirt nearly coming off with how hard you were tugging it.

Lips met skin as you closed the back door behind you. Aaron let out another chuckle, though he surely wasn't protesting your affection. “Woah, that look in your eyes tells me you're the one thinking about number three,” he commented, referencing your words from that morning.

“Well,” you said as your fingers started to trail under the hem of his dark gray tee shirt. With another kiss to his neck, you continued, “About that…”

taglist: @1234-angelika @lowsodiumfreaks67 @drayshadow @alexxavicry @cordyandbilliehavemyheart @the-lucky-ones311 @mercuryvapours @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @esposadomd @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @paintlavillered @lavhoes @rhyanishere @danielle143 @handsupforamiracle @ah-blossom @reidselle @dungeons-are-too-cold @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @cwritesforfun @lover-of-books-and-tea

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman Groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive language, might be offensive idk (lmk if it is so i should take it down if necessary) , mentions of birth, mentions of alcohol and weed, gayness

Desc: it's Mitsuya's day of birth

Chifuyu: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MITSUYA-KUN ⚠️❗💜😋😁

Baji: what's up with the emoji's

Mitsuya: thanks Chifuyu

Baji: happy getting out of the pussy day

Mitsuya: 😐

Kazutora: didn't he get circumcised?

Mitsuya: man what

Baji: ...

Baji: fuck that gotta do with what i just said

Baji: you just say shit

Kazutora: i'm talking about his birth method

Kazutora: keep up, Keisuke 😐

Chifuyu: you're so fucking stupid

Kazutora: HOW AM I STUPID

Kazutora: Mitsuya's mom was circumcised

Kazutora: it wasn't a vaginal birth

Kazutora: he was essentially removed, rather than birthed

Baji: "he was essentially removed, rather than birthed🤓👆"

Mikey: bro how do you even know that?

Chifuyu: R U TALKING ABOUT A C-SECTION????

Kazutora: IS THAT WHAT I FUCKING SAID?? NO

Kazutora: i hate talking to stupid mf's 🙄

Baji: i don't understand why people say i'm the stupidest

Draken: *most stupid

Draken: you honestly proved everyone's point

Baji: fuck off

Mitsuya: ok you guys can shut up now

Draken: happy birthday Takashi

Draken: my sworn brother

Draken: my other half

Draken: my twin dragon

Draken: love ya man

Mitsuya: thank you Draken🙂

Baji: did u have socks on

Draken: ...?

Baji: you can't say "i love ya" and "my other half" without any socks on

Baji: it implies a sense homosexuality

Baji: but if you have socks on then it's fine

Draken: i'm sick of you

Baji: bro doesn't have any socks on 💀

Mitsuya: you guys can shut up now x2

Mitsuya: also

Mitsuya: you don't all have to say happy birthday just say it when we meet up cause i feel awkward saying thank you to every single one of you

Mikey: hope you enjoyed my birthday present 💪😎

Mitsuya: yeah...

Mitsuya: the half eaten taiyaki

Mitsuya: appreciate it

Mikey: anything for the homies ❤

Mitsuya: 😒

Draken: where's Hakkai

Draken: surprised he hasn't said anything about your birthday

Mitsuya: he's planning a surprise birthday party

Baji: surprise🤨?

Mitsuya: he told me not to not text him cause he's busy with my surprise birthday party

Mitsuya: i don't think he realized that he told me

Mitsuya: i don't wanna bum him out so i'll still act surprised

Mitsuya: i appreciate it either way

Chifuyu: Takemitchy, Angry and I have been helping him plan this for weeks, and he just fucking told you😐

Mitsuya: i guess lol

Mitsuya: also said he has a surprise for me

Baji: he's gonna tongue you down, i just know it

Mitsuya: stfu

Mikey: are y'all together or not

Mitsuya: don't know what you're taking about

Draken: bro's taking his time

Mikey: Mitsuya you're 21 now

Mikey: it's been 8 years???😭

Smiley: i may not have a birthday present but i'll bring queer and weed

Smiley: since y'all follow the law or whatnot and you're legal now

Smiley: hypocrites

Draken: what's wrong with following the law?

Smiley: you think beating people half to death was fucking legal, Draken?

Draken: well... no

Draken: doesn't mean we should abuse substances, underage

Smiley: ❤H Y P O C R I T E❤

Smiley: and a lot of the people we know smoke so idk why you're all the way in my ass rn

Draken: yeah but cigarettes aren't drugs

Smiley: weed >>>>> cigarettes

Draken: the ability to breath when i'm in my thirties >>>>

Smiley: fair

Baji: wdym you'll bring a queer and weed🤨

Smiley: why would i bring a queer when Mitsuya is literally right there

Smiley: i meant beer

Smiley: pride month changing my damn autocorrect😒

Kazutora: stop saying slurs

Smiley: bro the gays reclaimed that shit

Smiley: it's a blanket term for the ABCDEFG community or whatever the fuck

Draken: i feel like you're being homophobic

Smiley: nuh uh

Smiley: dude look

Smiley: 👬 👭

Smiley: see?😁

Smiley: am i still homophobic?

Baji: he got us there

Draken: wha-

Draken: what the fuck is that supposed to prove?

*Hakkai has gone online*

Hakkai: HI TAKA-CHAN

Hakkai: could you please come over to my place for no particular reason?🤔

Hakkai: hmmmm, it kinda feels like i'm forgetting something

Hakkai: maybe like, a public holiday?

Hakkai: who knows?🤷‍♂️

Hakkai: anyway

Hakkai: let's hang out like the regular days in which we are normal 🤗

Hakkai: see you soon 😁

Mitsuya: ...

Mitsuya: yeah sure Hakkai

Mitsuya: be right over

Hakkai: ❤

*Hakkai has gone offline*

Mikey: 💀

Chifuyu: i hate him

Baji: did he even fucking try

[thezombieprostitute]

Lol, half the comments on this video are about hot, competent doctors and nurses. Which babes do you think are getting inaccurate heart rates bc they’re just too damn fine!?

So, my brain started with Curtis as a nurse to a single mom who gets her heart racing by how good he is with her son. And then it went off to create the foundations for an entire Hospital AU! What the frick, brain?!

Lots more characters than I intended, making this post pretty long so I'll add a Read More. No promises on all characters making the cut, but also open to adding other characters.

Please let me know if you think the characters and their roles work or not! This is all very theoretical at the moment.

Bucky Barnes - Physical Therapist. He develops a crush on a new patient after they get to talking about all of their shared interests (including cats).

Chris Beck - Chief of Surgery. Established relationship with a woman he met in college. Married with at least one child.

Clark Kent - Oncologist. Sometimes throws off his coworkers because he's so friendly and good natured towards his patients but then gets steely and focused when it comes to everything else. He's been in the field so long, people think he must be superhuman, but what no one knows is that Clark regularly visits a BDSM club to help him keep his cool at work.

Curtis Everett - Nurse for an Internal Medicine practice. He meets a single mother during a regular appointment. Her babysitter canceled at the last minute and Curtis becomes the kid's favorite person.

Geralt - Pharmacist. Knows all the right medications and will question doctor notes, especially if there's an interaction with another medication that will cause problems. Primarily enjoys the company of one of the pharmacy tech's whose been there almost as long as him.

Jake Jensen - Nurse in the Pediatrics Ward. He's popular with the kids for his willingness to play, bring plushies, and fix up video game systems. Whatever they need to help their treatments go easier, he's there to help them. He meets a newer nurse and helps her with the emotional struggles that come with the job.

James Mace - Custodial. It's not the most celebrated job, but it's honest work and Mace is happy to do his part to keep the hospital running. He's the go-to for when things break down, including the car of a lovely doctor who's at her wits end.

Johnny Storm - New surgeon. Definitely a hot shot who thinks he's the best of the best, despite having so much more to learn. Regularly hooks up with the nurses as part of his "good luck" ritual. Eager to impress the one nurse who turned him down.

Lloyd Hansen - He's put enough money into this hospital to get a wing named after him. Now his mother is in need of care and Lloyd is very demanding of the cardiologist in charge of said care.

Ransom Drysdale - Major donor to the hospital. It's pretty much just to look good to the press but he meets either the Hospital Director or the Gifts Manager (not yet sure which) at a charity event and wants to get to know her better.

Steve Rogers - ER Doctor. Always cool under pressure, able to prioritize cases when there's a rush, and quick to protect his staff from an unruly patient. He has a crush on one of the cafe/cafeteria workers that he talks to when he needs a moment of peace.

Walter Marshall - Security. Divorced with a teenage daughter. Meets another single parent at a school event.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

The Art of Etiquette Part 2 | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: You try to back out on being a debutant so you can stop taking lessons with Mr. Jeon but your mother is going to do everything she can to make you follow through Paring: f!reader x Etiquette instructor Jungkook Word Count: 2k~ Warnings: Like one cuss word but thats about it lol a/n: Let me know how you guys are liking this! I was planning on posting this later but I wanted to see if posting around this time would be better :) p.s. roughly edited lol

"Mom! Mom! Where are you?" I yell as soon as I get home. "I'm right here so please stop yelling, you know that there is no yelling in this household" she scolds. "Okay, then why did you yell at me when I got a bad grade on my midterm paper?" I throw in her face. "Watch your tone y/n I am still your mother" she retorts. "Now what is it?" she says quickly turning the conversation back to it's intended course. 

"I can't do this" I say and start making my way to the living room with her soon trailing behind. "Do what?" she sighs once we've both sat down. "This whole debutante thing, it's not for me" I say hoping it would pacify her but knowing for a fact that would never happen. "You're doing it!" she says, wanting to end the conversation already. 

"No I'm not!" I argue back "I'm not cut out for this thing. This life of high society and playing nice with strangers, pretending like you actually care about what they're talking about. I just can't pretend to be someone I'm not" I explain but unfortunately she'll have none of it. "Did something happen at your lessons today?" she asks, hoping to find the cause of my anxieties.

"Nothing happened" I huff, standing up and making my way to my room. "Obviously something happened since you always seem to have something to say about everything even at the most inopportune times" she says, obviously exacerbated by the memories. "Are you talking about the time I added staying alive to the set list at grandpa's funeral?" I question chuckling at the memory. 

"See this is exactly why you need those lessons. It's time to grow up, and if you're not ready to do that yet then I'll just have you get a job and start paying your own tuition so you can learn on your own what it means to be an adult" she threatens. "James said that he would pay for my tuition if I decided I wanted to go back to college. You can't take that away from me!" I argue and stop in my tracks, surprised and upset that she would even stoop that low. 

"Since you still feel the need to whine over small sacrifices such as these then it looks like we should probably start giving you some more responsibilities so you will grow up. Just take the damn lessons y/n, it would really make your father and I happy if we could introduce you to everyone properly" she explains softening her tone towards the end.

"But he-" I start, wanting to tell her what my instructor made me do but we're cut off by the sound of James getting home. "How are my two lovely ladies doing?" he asks while giving my mother a kiss on her temple. "Oh we're fine, y/n was just telling me how much she enjoyed her first lesson right?" she says giving me a stern face, daring me to say otherwise.

"Oh yeah they were great Mr. Jeon seems like a very nice man" I say giving him a half smile, forcing the answer out of myself. I hate lying to him, especially since he's been nothing but nice to me so far. A lot nicer than my mother that's for sure, so I would hate to mess things up with him. 

"Well that's great news! Especially since he called me just now and asked if you would like to take more lessons with him. It seems like he's taken a special interest in you and wants to really make sure you're set up for success. Would that be something that you would like?" he asks, thankfully leaving the decision up to me but with the glare my mother is giving me it seems like from her point of view there's only one obvious answer for this question.

"That works for me. Whatever you both think would be best is be fine by me" I say, doing my very best to sound as genuine as possible even though I'm dying inside. 

"Wonderful! He's asked if we could do three days of etiquette and two days of dance lessons during the week and on days closer to events we should do dance lessons on the weekend before the event as well. That schedule work out alright for you?" he asks while taking out his phone to no doubt sending a message to Matthew to contact Mr. Jeon tomorrow morning so he's prepared for my newly scheduled lessons as well.

"Yes that's fine but where will I be taking my dance lessons?" I question now confused as to why Mr. Jeon would speak to James about them as well. "Oh I didn't tell you?" he's your dance instructor as well" James says and leaves to his office to take a phone call. 

"No fucking way am I dancing with that man" I say turning back to my mother once he's out of earshot. "Did he do something that made you feel uncomfortable?" she asks, just now deciding to finally ask why I didn't want to take the lessons. "No he's just a dick" I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Really, that's the reason? What did you expect? He's meant to teach you to act like a lady and let's be honest, a nice sweet approach isn't going to work on you" she says and makes her way to who knows where, to do who knows what. With how big this house is it could honestly be anything. 

~~~~~~~~

"So is he hot?" Jesse asks, clearly interested in how things went yesterday. "I mean I guess but he's too rude for me to even begin to pay attention to that" I huff, frustrated at the thought of him alone. "What's his name?" he asks, taking out his phone to look him up.

"I don't remember but his last name is Jeon" I say taking a bite out of my sandwich. "J-o-h-n?" he questions, confused at the unusual surname. "No J-e-o-n. I'm pretty sure he's Korean" I say and slide over to his side to see what he can dig up on him.

"Jeon Private Etiquette Tutor" he types in and hits enter. "Woah" both of us say, seeing how many articles and pictures of him with actors, CEOs and public figures. "This guy must be loaded" Jesse says, clearly stunned at who he's worked with. "And he's hot! Damn girl you really won if this Jungkook guy wants to see you five times a week" he says and keeps on clicking through everything he can get him hands on about him. "And seven days a week when there's some stupid event I have to go to" I groan just thinking about how many hours of my life I'm going to waste with him. 

"He's only 27, I wonder if he's single" Jesse says winking at me. "For me or for you because you can have him" I scoff making him laugh. "No take backs! Well, unless he's straight. Then you can have him back. No matter how heartbreaking that might be" he says, wiping away fake tears. "Sorry to break it to you babe but he probably wouldn't go for either of us" I say placing a hand on his shoulder and getting up to leave.

"Hey! Where are you going? We don't start class for another half an hour" he yells after me. "I gotta go change since he wants me to be 'dressed like a lady' when I come and I won't have time after class" I yell turning to face him as I walk backward for a second. "Alright, have fun Barbie" he yells as I get further away to which I respond with a shake of my head as I make my way over to my car. 

"Acceptable" he says taking in my form. "Although the hem is far too short" he says looking down at my legs again before looking back up and making eye contact with me. "It was all I could find on such short notice" I explain but unfortunately he isn't satisfied with my answer. 

"Excuses will get you no where, you either do it or you don't. I'm sure you could have put in a little more effort into finding something more suitable if you had tried. Let's remedy the situation by the next class shall we?" he finishes off sarcastically before turning his back to me and walking over to the sound system in the corner of the room and I take the chance to stick my tongue out at him in retaliation. 

"You do you realize there are mirrors in this room correct?" he asks, clearly not amused with what he had seen me doing. "My apologies Mr. Jeon" I settle on, not bothering to give an excuse this time. "But are you really?" he asks, walking back towards me slowly, his voice an octave lower, catching me off guard. "N-no" I answer truthfully, nervous with the way he stalks towards me with clear displeasure enveloping his entire existence. 

He leans towards me talking directly into my ear, clearly using tactics to show his dominance over the situation. "Let us be honest with each other then. It would be a waste of both of our time if we were to do otherwise" he say sending shivers down my spine and I hate that it's something I couldn't have controlled even if I wanted to. "Is that clear?" he asks, his warm breath hitting my neck making my mind feel clouded, leaving me confused on how to respond to him leaving me only being able to nod in response.

"Good" he says leaning back, giving what I had hoped for was a little more room to breathe. "Next time use your words" he says tilting my chin up just as he had done at my last lesson. "Yes Mr. Jeon" I say quietly, leaving him satisfied with my cooperation and straightening back up to go back to what he had been working on.

'What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? What THE FUCK was that?' I ask myself over and over and over again. I'm startled out of my circular train of thought and am met with what I can assume is some sort of waltz music running through the twin speakers on either side of the wall that the sound system is placed against. 

"I can't dance" I voice out, sticking to my word and answering the question before he bothered to ask. "I thought as much, ballroom dancing is a lost art amongst the youth of your generation" he says adjusting a few more things before coming back over to me. 

"You speak of my generation as if it was much younger in comparison to yours" I respond crossing my arms over my chest in defiance. "Were you perhaps curious enough to inquire about me?" he asks finally turning around to face me, making his way back over to me as he had done before, having caught me red handed leaving me changing my position, holding my hands together and having them rest against my thighs.

"I had just assumed based off of how youthful you look" I respond, giving him a forced compliment, not wanting to admit to what I had done. Well, really what Jesse had done but again he would see right through me. "Haven't we agreed to be honest with each other?" he questions reaching his hand out and easily pulling my hands apart. Placing one of mine on his shoulder and the other held in his hand, leaving his free one to rest on my waist. 

"Do as I say and hopefully we'll come out of this without any injuries" he says practically daring me to make a mistake. "But of course" I say and straighten my posture to match his and follow his lead as best as I can. 

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[loneycorner]

Explaining some stuff

Vent

(Reading this part isn't really necessary and you can skip it)

So, I don't really do these things cause I'm not really a big fan getting into too much personal shit but I really needed to get this out

I genuinely feel like my irl mom is losing hope in me, I'm not getting any better with my studies, school is hell, my classmates aren't any good either.

I just feel like going into a deeper spiral of my depression, I'm in need of therapy but I think my parents will say I don't need it since I'm normal lmao. Still undiagnosed with ADHD and autism, probably dyslexic as well yayyy

But seriously, I don't really know how to continue much more, the only reason why I'm still here is because of my online friends and my literal fear of dying and maybe getting sent to hell

My current gender dysphoria is also very much not helping alongside a break up (which I did cause but I'm more worried for her than for myself) I don't really know man

Trying to focus on school is hard enough but the way my mom is so disappointed and maybe losing hope might just drive me insane, she said she'll pull me back if I fail the next quarter which hopefully not

I know she's struggling too, I'm basically useless in my own house, I barely do anything, I don't help, I'm a burden to them

Break

Will I take a break? I'm still unsure and debating on that, I wanna but then again, the internet is a second home to me, it's where I can be free, it's my escape, it's one of the things that make me happy especially with my online family

I do hope I get better, especially with the people supporting me (which I'll be honest, mostly online strangers lmaoo) either way. I'm glad I haven't ended my story just yet, I know there's gonna be more. Good or bad, I'll probably just keep fighting knowing there's people who love me despite not even knowing me that much

Appreciation and Special thanks to

@marycom15 they're basically my mom, in which I was the one to say that but eh, I love them a whole bunch and supported me through quite a lot of stuff, super silly despite calling me out on a lot of things, like stop that/silly knows me a little too well

@iamineskew funniest person I've met, my father (albeit I didn't want/silly, love you/pp) wouldn't stop flirting with my mom in front of me but I'm actually fine, I love them a whole bunch, such great art too! I'm super inspired by all his works

@boothefanficeater my best friend ever!! We don't talk a lot because he isn't online as much lol, I consider him my super best friend anyway, literally the one that made me what I've become (cough.the Prokour CEO cough) they also have lovely art, I wanna eat it

@wimdywhimsy just a cool person in general, supports literally everything I do, all of the things they do is amazing, I love ALL of their ideas they bring on the table, my sibling ever

@canadianketchup is literally almost always the first person to interact with whatever I do, I love interacting with them, I wanna do it more but I'm a little shy giggles

@sundewhasaudhd one of the BEST people I've ever met on the dsmp space,I love them sm, they're just so passionate with everything they do and it's just so admirable, they're not afraid to socialize and bring up their interests it makes me so happy

(I almost forgot to mention aahhhhh)

@theshadeblindcolor a newer addition to my little family but I love them either way, such a cool person with cool art! I love everything they do, their aus are so sick I wanna read more about them and to some more fanart

And shout out to all my old moots too on previous account, all such lovely people I couldn't have it any other way, especially my ava/m family @izzyindahouse @the-ace-of-spadez @flairya @mary-games-and-arts

I'm so happy I met all you guys, I'm glad to be a part of even the small portions of your lives and I'm super happy you are all a part of mine<3

[tandytoaster]

Ngl this Christmas season kinda sucked. Like a lot

Me complaining lol

Nanny making light of how my mother almost died. Like my mom forgets something and nanny is like "oh lol its because you had a brain aneurysm" and on one hand i understand joking about something fucked up that happened to you and the scenario of your daughter being inches from death would seriously fuck you up but i don't know i just don't think its funny. I dont think its her thing to joke about. Nanny and I are on complete opposite sides of this like shes like "lol my daughter almost died. Tee hee" and I'm like. Forever altered for the worse by this

Omg. She had a moment back in September where she wasn't telling Steve stuff and he flipped out at her like cursing at her and screaming. I can't remember if I talked about this I feel like I might have. But like HE called me that day and was like, "hey uhhh idk if u were talking to ur grandmother or not but i kinda freaked out on her earlier and i feel bad about it and i wanted to tell u my side of the story because we've been talking more and i really appreciate that" and i was like 🤏👓🤨 EXCUSE ME? Not actually but i was thinking it. And then that night or the night after nanny called me and telling me the same thing, that steve flipped out at her and she was like "omg. I don't think I'll ever think of him the same. i dont care if i ever speak to him again" and all i could do was be like, "ok. yeah." Because why is THIS. Where you draw the line why do you decide to hate him when he's mean to you but you still talk to him despite the shit he did to me. Like all I could think was "i dont give a damn" like truly i dont lol. I dont care that steve yelled at you. Like daaaammmnnnn thats craaazzyyyyy he yelled at you? Omg? Should we cancel him? Should we write a callout post? LMFAOOOOO

She's also like 100% fine with him again. Joking about her saying she was gonna chop his dick off because whe was so upset with how he spoke to her.

Thats so funny that you wanted to chop his dick off over him yelling at you. and not anything else. that would warrant having his dick chopped off.

I have to live this shit ass game of pretend for the rest of my life. I fought against this for 5 years and nothing changed. No one cares. No one wants to think about it. Its a battle I've lost, I lost it the moment it started I truly never had a chance. But I tried. And I failed. And I tried. And I failed. And I tried. And I failed. So I'm done. They win. I'll never ever say it didn't happen, BECAUSE IT DID, but I'm just never going to acknowledge it again to them just like everyone else. I'm sorry if that makes me a shitty survivor or whatever .

Also nanny is just . Overly excitable when company comes over and she gets like. Too ready to tease. Like shes just slinging jabs at anyone and everyone in her way. Like all my life my mother would tell me that nanny is awful and that she treated her like the black sheep of the family and i see it. I know that I for sure have it better than my mom, which is a damn shame, but like. Fuck dude idk!!!

And nanny is just weird. She puts garbage in with clean stuff and calls it tidying and she laughs when someone tells her thats not right, and when they're like, "no, seriously, do not do that" she goes, "well i guess i can't do anything!" And then she fake laughs to try to seem like she's not mad but she is mad. That someone told her not to actively damage her surroundings

Reading this I'm realizing its literally just nanny being weird. Nanny moments.

I baked a butterscotch pie for her and Sacha and nanny told me to put it in the basement because its cold down there, so i did and she FORGOT ABOUT IT!!!! FOR DAYS!!!!!! i made it on the 23, it finished setting on the 24th, she forgot about it until today, the 28th, brought it up from the basement at 12pm, and nanny forgot about it Again until 5pm. So it was sitting at room temp for 5 hours. She was like, "yeah it tastes different" I FUCKING WONDER WHY?

Its just a really difficult, stressful and time consuming thing to make and to have it be forgotten about when I work hard using the little energy I have to make it, it hurts ! I don't have any money to buy anything for anyone not even my girlfriend, so thats why I bake 😔 Man usually I'm not passive aggressive but dude. Nanny was like, "do u think its still good" and i was like, "well lets just eat it and see what happens if we get sick we get sick 🙃"

[ruinedbylanadelrey]

Hi so the request is wanna make is a Joel miller x plus!size reader. I was thinking that maybe before the apocalypse happened Joel and the reader where married and the reader was Sarah’s stepmother Sarah loved the reader as if she was her real mother maybe Joel and the reader got a divorce because they started to argue about the bills maybe the day Joel signed the papers they slept together one last time so the reader found out she was pregnant and the day of the outbreak she was getting chased by an infected and she gave birth in the house so the reader is Ellie’s mom and Joel is Ellie’s dad but he never knew about Ellie so the reader didn’t die because she was immune she doesn’t know how she didn’t turn so maybe she joined the community Joel was in but she didn’t know they were keeping her daughter captive and Ellie knows what her mom looks like because she has a picture of the reader so maybe when they were in the city the reader told Joel how Ellie is his daughter he is shocked but Ellie knew so the reader and Joel get back together maybe when they are at the hospital the reader volunteers to take Ellie’s place in the surgery Joel tries to talk to the reader not to do it the reader just tells him she loves him and tells him to take care of Ellie so Joel saves his wife and they head back to Tommy’s town and they get their happy ending (sorry it’s long let me know if your ok with it just message me of what you think and if you would write it it’s fine if you don’t)

This is an interesting concept. I love it. I had a lot of fun writing this. Buckle up, everyone! We're going for a ride. the amount of calculating i did so the timeline would match was insane for me lol.

Word count: 3K

masterlist

Warnings: angst, alludes to smut, f!reader, death, birth-giving, jealousy, ellie<3, joel being joel, mention of joel’s attempt, mention of David

50 percent of marriages end in divorce and the other 50 just live in harmony. You thought you had it made when you married Joel Miller, he is everything you look in for a person. You checked off every box for him. Joel loved how you treated Sarah as your own, just being such a good mother figure in her life.

You met Joel when he was 30 and you were 25, you were the receptionist for the construction company he worked for. You were just the most beautiful woman to him and every man you worked with could see it too.

You were the one who made the first move. You didn't care for anyone else but him, mainly because he wasn't trying to get in your pants. He treated you as a person. You two became good friends, you would hang out with him and Tommy outside of work.

He eventually introduced to Sarah. She instantly loved you, she always asked about you and wanted you to come over and listen to whatever was the hottest new album that came out since you were still young enough to enjoy pop culture.

"Hey, would you like to grab a beer after work?" You stopped Joel before he had to leave to go to the site. Joel was surprised by your forwardness. "Are you asking me on a date, sweetheart?" Joel flashed a smile at you as your face flushed with red. "I guess I am, whatcha say, Miller?" You smirked at him. "It's a date." Joel winks before he left with the others for the day. The date was just the beginning of the romance between the two of you. 2 years later you were married.

-

4 years now you're crying in the kitchen and Joel staring at the ceiling. "I'll be staying with my brother until we get the papers signed." You broke the silence. Your relationship with Joel finally came to end when you both had enough of being at each other's throats.

You would fight about literally anything. It would be about bills one day then the next day he said he doesn't feel anything for you anymore or you realized that you can't love anyone when you can't love yourself. The reason for divorce was to work on yourselves.  

When you broke the news to Sarah she was livid because she could see that you both love each other so much and you guys were being stubborn and couldn't see it. You felt your heart break when Sarah said "Please don't stop being my mom." you explained to her that no matter what happens she'll always be your sweet girl.

-

The day you were supposed to sign all the papers the world collapsed. It was the worst day of your life no matter what. If the world didn't end you would be divorced from Joel and since the world did end you lost your Sarah and almost lost Joel forever. You can't get her screams and cries out of your head, and the image of Joel holding her as she took her last breaths. Then Joel trying to end his life made you break further.

-

Another 4 years go by and you stuck by Joel. It was just strictly platonic. You were the last thing he had in the old world and he was the same for you. You were each other's comfort and safety net. Though still you were still legally married that didn't matter when it was a lawless world around you.

Joel and you found yourselves a group and did what you had to do to survive. You watched Joel become a ghost of the person you once knew. He could see you as yourself. Just as flippant and caring.

You still yearned for Joel's love and companionship but he found it in another woman, Tess. You couldn't help but be hurt and jealous. You liked Tess and could never hate her. You envied what she had; Joel in the palm of her hands.

Joel didn't mean for it to happen but life loves to derail everything well. "I'm leaving the group...I'm going with Tommy." You sat with Joel in the apartment you shared in the QZ. "You're not leaving." Joel thought he could change your mind, but nothing could. "Joel, I have nothing keeping me here and I rather go with someone who doesn't see me as a second choice." Your words cut into his wounds.

"Darlin'...," Joel pulled you into his arms, "N-no...Joel. I'm leaving tonight." You pushed him off of you and started packing your go-bag. "This is it? After everything we have been through." Joel was angry not at you but at the way things turned out. You stopped packing and looked at him. "You don't need me, Joel. You don't even love m-" "Stop talking before you say something you'll regret." Joel didn't want you to make him face the music.

Joel walks to you and you stood up straight to look him in the eye. "You don't love me." You snubbed, Joel's eyes clouded with hurt and pure rage. The next few moments were hazy.

Joel crashes his lips into yours, your hands gripping the collar of his flannel bringing him as close as possible. Moans leave your mouth as he undresses you, then you come to when the moonlight leaks in through the windows. Your legs tangled with his and his skin on yours. You remove yourself from his hold.

You put your clothes back on and take your bag. You look at Joel sleeping unknowing that he will never see you again. Tommy was waiting with Marlene outside the door. "We're ready when you are." Marlene gave you a weak smile. "I'm ready." You nod and follow them to escape the place where you don't belong.

-

You ran like hell from the QZ, your feet ached and your back was on fire as you fly through the trees. The screams and growls were catching up to you. The safe house was just in view, "Marlene!" You blockade the door trying to buy yourself time to hide. No one was there yet, all you had to defend yourself with was the switchblade Joel gave to you when you first started dating.

You felt your water break and fluid drenched your legs. You got up the stairs and threw yourself on the ground. Your body was ready to give out when you started pushing.

Your screams echoed through the empty home. The growls and scratching were at the door, the next push was interrupted by the infected breaking down the door with their excessive strength. You were crying as you put up your best fight. Your adrenaline pumps through your body. You made the fatal blow and threw the body off of you.

A cry came from someone other than you. You reached down to hold the small child in your hands. Your body was coming down from the high and your thigh was aching. There was the mark of death etched into your skin. "No, no, no, no." You scrambled for your blade and cut the cord. The infant was still crying and you started to console her.

You forgot for a moment about your fate being sealed and watched the most beautiful creature in front of your eyes. "You tell 'em Ellie." you gave a tired laugh and just soaked in what you thought were the final moments of your life.

-

When Marlene found you, you didn't say anything about being bit, but you let her leave with Ellie so you could collect yourself. You waited and waited to turn into a monster but your time never came. Every day you would wake up and have to calm yourself down, 'You're okay...' you found the word to describe yourself...immune.

You knew you couldn't raise Ellie in the group you found yourself in. Marlene and you decided to give her up to FEDRA to give her a shot at life. That meant many nights crying into Tommy's chest and just feeling like you lost everything. You made Tommy swear he would never say anything to Joel about Ellie. When you and Tommy left the fireflies, you had no contact with Marlene anymore.

-

14 years went by just thinking about Ellie, Joel, Tess, and Sarah. Nightmares consumed you and didn't let you rest.

Ellie was being held captive and soon to be turned into a science experiment. Joel found himself smuggling this fiery kid who reminded him of you. He didn't ever put too much thought into it. The day you left he would look for you everywhere and in everyone.

The day after Marlene sent Ellie packing with Joel he saw your switchblade in her hands as they passed time. He told himself it couldn't be yours, it's not it was one of a kind. Everything was too coincidental but he tried not to think about it...more like tried not to think about you.

Ellie knew about you, Marlene let her have a picture of you before sending her off to her death with Joel. Marlene knew about your last night with Joel. She knew that Ellie was Joel's child and she couldn't break her promise to you 'Don't ever let Joel know...or even Ellie, know about each other...' because you were her best friend but she was afraid that you would kill her. Anytime Ellie looked at your picture she thought you were the most beautiful person ever and made sure no one ever saw the picture. It was a part of herself she could keep to herself.

Joel came in riding on a horse and Ellie trailed behind him on hers. The news about two new coming into the community made its way to you and Tommy. You both didn't think much about it because it wasn't anything new.

People would come and go. Tommy was helping on structuring another building for the community and you were helping with the school coordinating the calendar for a school year. "Tommy's brother is here and he has some child with..." a woman whispered to another lady and your ears burned. You scurried away from the table and found yourself vomiting into a trashcan.

This is can't be real. He can't be here and with a child? What child? Did he knock someone else up? "Sweetie, are you okay?" An older woman came over and held your hair back, her hand rubbing your back trying to soothe you. "I'm fine...I think I'm gonna call it day." You spit off some more saliva and walked back to your house. You first stopped by Tommy's since it was right next to yours but no one was home not even Maria.

The night passed on and Maria was knocking on your door and she got impatient and walked in. "Y/n? We need to talk" Maria calls out, you emerged from the kitchen with a glass of water. You looked like you've seen a ghost. "I take it as you heard the news." Maria sat you down on the couch, you started to sob.

It feels like the universe was teasing you and it wasn't fair. "He doesn't know you're here...and he's here with Ellie." You felt the air in the room not be enough to breathe in. Ellie...your Ellie. "How?" "The devil works but Marlene works harder...he's supposed to smuggle Ellie to the fireflies. I don't know why they want her." you knew why...she has to be immune too. That's the only reason why.

You heard the door open, Tommy was standing there with a sorry look on his face. "You told him, didn't you?" you asked, Tommy, sighed and tried to look for the words he wanted to say. "You fucking broke your promise!" You darted toward Tommy pushing him against the wall, your arm raised and your hand clenched into a fist. "Hey! Hey! Let's take a deep breath, Y/n...I didn't say anything about Ellie...I just told him you're here. He kept asking if you were alive. That's all." Tommy grabbed your hand on put it down. You were huffing trying to catch your breath.

"He wants to me take Ellie to the fireflies...Y/n, he's at his breaking point." Tommy sighed and looked at Maria. You look back at her and she just shook her head. "She is the key to the vaccine." the words hit you like a train. You knew what that meant, Marlene told you about what they needed to make the vaccine work.

"They have to kill her to make it work." You spoke, and the couple looked at you. "I remember Marlene telling me the science behind it...I can't let this happen. It has to be me." You weren't making any sense to them. "What are you saying?" Maria quipped, you looked up at the ceiling and pulled down your sweatpants. Tommy didn't look down at you and Maria looked at your right thigh. A scar in the shape of a bite with the cordyceps tendrils underneath the skin.

"You're immune..." Maria was stunned, you pulled your pants up and Tommy quickly looked at you. "Looks like you guys have another secret to keep." You laughed to lighten the mood.

-

Tommy brought you to the house where Joel and Ellie were staying for the night, his knuckles knock against the door. You wait for a moment and the door swings open to Joel, he's aged, a few new scars litter his face and he still has his signature beard that you've always loved. "I think you two have some business to attend to...Goodnight." Tommy excuses himself, leaving you at the door with the man you never stopped loving.

Joel moved out of the way and let you inside. You move in silence to where is supposed the living room but it was barren with a weathered couch in the center. "She's our kid...isn't she?" Joel broke the silence, when he opened the door to your face everything clicked in his head. "Nothing ever gets past you." You exhaled, and Joel lets out a weak chuckle. "Does she know?" Joel asked as he leaned back with his arms resting on the back of the couch. "No. I made people keep their promises." You were always the one person that people never crossed because karma was always on your side.

"I said something to her that I should have never said..." Joel recalls just moments before you showed back up into his life 'You're right...you're not my daughter. And I sure as hell ain't your dad.' he hated himself from that very moment. "Joel, you've always spoken before you thought." You remember all the times his mouth got him in trouble.

"Now, Joel I'm going with Ellie tomorrow...I can't let her do this." You broke the news. Just as thought Joel had you back, he was about to lose you again. "No, you're staying here" Joel protested, he'll be damned to let you go. "I am, I know where to go and I know the team down there. I need to be there for her. She's my baby girl..." You knew your words were useless because he will try everything in his power to keep you from going.

The stairs creaked and you both turn to find Ellie trying her best to stealth her way back up the stairs. You stood up and looked at the girl in front of your eyes. You drank in her presence, noticing the scar on her eyebrow, her puppy dog eyes and how they sparkled, and the slope of her nose. "Ellie," you whispered trying not to scare her. Her face lit up when her name fell off your lips.

Ellie walked down the stairs and met you and Joel in the living room. She stopped just a few feet away from you. Joel watched the two of you look at each other. He was checking off how similar you guys are, the way you both stood and how you carried yourself. "Mom." Ellie ran into your arms, and you naturally accepted her into an embrace. You rested your head on top of hers, breathing her scent, and listened to her breathing. You swayed gently, her breathing became heavy as tears spilled from her eyes.

"I'm here...forever." You murmured while stroking her hair. It was the most beautiful thing to see, a mother and her child. The warmth of a mother's love is like nothing else. "Hey...guess what? you sure as hell are my dad." Ellie pulled away a little to look at Joel. Her laugh filled the home. "I knew that would come back and bite me in the ass." Joel stood up and came beside you. He tucked the hair out of Ellie's face. "C'mere you little shit." Joel pulled her from your arms into his. He laid a kiss on her head.

"You too, darlin'" Joel brings you into the embrace. You couldn't help but sob at the reunion before you knew that you would have to lay down your life for her. -

The journey to the fireflies brought you and Joel back together as a couple, and you fell in love again with each other. It made it hard for you to not tell him everything about what is going to happen you get to the hospital. Everything with Ellie made you thirst for blood again, you feel like you failed as a parent when Ellie ended up killing David. You did everything in your power to help Ellie process what happened and nothing she did was wrong but she shut you and Joel out.

Joel woke up in a hospital bed alone. Everything around him made him uneasy. The tension in the air was suffocating. Marlene was speaking to him slowly, making sure she didn't tick him off.

But when Marlene explained everything to him, he snapped. She knew that she had to get him out and make sure they could get this done.

You tried to reason with Marlene and let you be the one to die but the doctors thought it would be great to experiment on you and Ellie. You begged for Ellie to be spared. You were sedated before her before you could put up a fight. Marlene warned them about your life with Joel and how ruthless you are when it came to protecting the ones you loved.

Joel snapped at the right moment. He moved through the hospital without any thought in his mind. He didn't wake from his haze until he shot Marlene. He was trying to conjure up what he would say because knowing Ellie and you, questions were going to be asked and will need to be answered.

[valdrift]

as the end of 2024 has been getting closer ive been both dreading and anticipating the new year and its a feeling tht i really dislike lol (more under cut bc my rambling got way longer than i thought 😦)

like i moved out 2022 and its been amazing for both my mental health and growth as a person since being away from my family gave me the space to figure out what i want to do and how to. idk. live ? got medicated, developed better coping mechanisms, made great friends, etc. i mean im living with my friends rn and theyre like family and i just got licensed to be an lvt and its all great ! but the thing is that my bio family need me and thts probably the root of the issue

cus my family is dirt poor, like living on gov aid, and none of them can work so growing up i was always told how i needed to be successful to take care of them even though i had plenty of rich relatives and i always wondered why none of them bothered to help and decided to put all that responsibility on a kid ?? and i was pretty much raised into being my family's eventual caretaker. from 13-17 i used to be so angry/depressed/resentful about it and hated my family bc it felt like they robbed me of my agency but now, i cant blame them. im not saying they should have done tht to a kid but i understand why. theres a bunch of complicated legal things and other stuff i dont want to get into and my family are either old, disabled, or both and god knows my relatives arent going to help so its up to me yknow ? its why im moving back in with them by 2025 to take care of them. and i love my family, i really do even if i dont tell them bc we dont talk like that and we all know it anyways. my mom is such a strong person despite how everyone looks down on her and i want her to have nice things, i want my family to live in a house that is clean and not falling apart, i want my mom to not have to ever worry about working and to have time for herself bc shes been stuck caring for kids for half her life. i love my family, i want to take care of them, and im angry i never got a choice. family is complicated and i wish it was as easy as just going "i dont want this responsibility" but i know its not

i keep telling myself that this is just how things are supposed to be and im going to spend the rest of my life taking care of them and i thought i accepted it but theres still some small part of me thats reluctant. i know im never going to have a partner or romance bc my family is and always will be my first priority and ig thats sad but i really dont mind. and im not just saying that, like genuinely im fine being single, i dont need companionship and have never felt that loneliness. im just fine with my friends and i dont need anything more, it just kinda sucks i dont get that choice. the whole thing is kinda sad and ive been told as much but these are the cards life dealt me and better me than someone else i guess

truth is im kind of scared, it feels like my life has already peaked and being away from my family has been so freeing but its selfish and damn if i dont want to be selfish for just a little longer. but its hard when i can see my mom getting older and the house getting worse and im angry that this isnt as easy as it should be. this country is awful and the systems in place are cruel and makes life as difficult as possible for people of color, the poor, and disabled. i know i'll get over it and i'll be moving back in and helping them like i promised but i'm only 22. my relatives are acting like i'm wasting my life every second im not helping my family or working towards making 6 figures or whatever and i won't lie it's put doubts in my mind. but im only 22!!!! i dont know. maybe im being dramatic because honestly it could be worse and we're even lucky to have a roof over our heads and to even have a steady source of income no matter how little it is. ive never told anyone the last bit abt being scared and all that, i think its easier to type it than say it, and it also helps i dont have a face to yall and i dont have to look you in the eye. i dont know if ive ever shared this much or anything like this on here either lol. i dont know

tldr; do it scared i guess

[skinny2tb]

€d update & motivation talk

Soo, I'm back, it's currently 3:55pm. and GUESS WHAT today was my math final exam.

Well, I'm pissed (in a good way tbh) because all the pressure I did to myself in the last couple of weeks was so unnecessary. It was wayyy easier than expected and honestly I'm pretty confident that I might even get a 2 or 3?? Whatever, today I almost fainted in the girls bathroom due to my liquid fast and low cal intake but luckily nobody was around so I just took a deep breath and went back to my friends. Not gonna lie I got quite nervous when they kept asking me if I'm alright because I 'looked pale' but I told them I simply didn't sleep well today and thank goodness they were fine with my answer.

Honestly I really don't want them to find out that my €d is back but right now it's just extremly difficult since it has gotten even worse this time.

But the one question I keep asking myself is what I'll do for the rest of the week since we finished all the finals and can now stay at home heh^^

My main fear was the temptation to b¡nge while my parents are still at work. That's why I called my mom and asked her where the keys for our basement are, so that I could go into our sauna and she fr bought it! So, now I got the keys and all the snacks locked away. Out of sight out of mind, rightt?

At least one would think so.. because despite of all the effort I put in hiding the snacks my cravings are literally haunting me. But somehow I also get nauseous even thinking about all the calories, unhealty fats and sugar at the same time. I guess I trained my brain pretty well lol

I'm doing this for the summer slimming, the compliments and validation you'll get when people notice your slim legs, people getting out of their ways just to help you, the hotpants... and the list goes on. (Side fact about me: the only thing I truly like about me is my extremly skinny waist, everytime someone hugs me the first thing they say is how small it is and that's the best compliment in my opinion lol)

C'mon now STAND UP, MOVE YOUR BODY and actually DO the workouts you want to instead of procrastinating it for another day, you lazy potato! It's up to you how this years summer will be like.. think of all the new friends you could make and the fun you'd have when you can finally be your true self without being reduced to your weight.

I'm doing the 'Le Sserafim'-workout since this one works best for me but if you wanna try it too make sure to drink enough water and take breaks in between the exercises. Passing out is not worth it. Especially when you're new to such workouts take your time and do it day by day my love.

Hope you guys have a great day, idk yet but maybe I'll post again today depending on my mood.

Mwah ly guys, stay strong<33

(By the way, if you happen to suffer from an €ating disorder or know somebody who might have one don't hesitate to seek professional help, everybody deserves recovery <3)

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Good things:

- these pants were too tight on me last thanksgiving, tried to wear them and ended up changing bc it was uncomfy tight, however today they fit fine/almost loose in the waist even after eating so much and perfectly baggy around the thighs :) wore them all day and they're comfy and perfect :)

- I get to spend the next 3 days hanging out with my family and probably won't have any time to work on projects so I'm gonna get as far as I can with it tonight and then let it go and relax and enjoy the festivities

- thought about getting hair dye/makeup etc but haven't done any of it so I'm just gonna be regular + normal but you know what I'm still cute !!!!!

- feeling kinda anxious about this 2am start time situation but you know that's a whole week away and I don't need to worry about it yet!!! It'll be fine and I'll probably have fun with it!!!

- I helped my mom pick out a cute Christmas tree today

- I'm getting to wear all my cute winter clothes + layers + accessories while I'm here which is always fun for me

- I actually didn't gain any weight over the past 2 months (didn't lose any either but that's ok ! )

- isn't it great that my problem right now is "too much enthusiasm, not enough time" like time is relative and I can choose to make time for whatever I want to prioritize; noticing moments of stress/tension = noticing areas of life that I can choose to improve; right now I'm here and it's time to rest & relax & brainstorm for the upcoming year but for now there's no pressure, just have fun :)

- I was feeling grumpy about having to go back to Miami when I low-key just wanna stay here and make crafts all winter but now when my cousins ask what I'm up to next I've got an actual plan and a rough idea of what's going on for the next couple months

- cute neighbor boy is back in town, I should talk to him more lol. Also many cute people on this dating app if only I can handle the whole "responding to messages" thing. (I love getting high and playing around on dating apps at like midnight lol that's weirdly fun for me. ) I am breaking down my social anxiety one little interaction at a time :) also, cuties at work !!! I get to see my friends again in like a week and a half !! Last year I didn't see anyone from November - March and went into a huge spiral but this year I'm staying busy & that's so exciting!! Also cutie lover boyfriends asking me to visit them around the country and I might actually make an effort to do that this year?? We'll see lol.

- I'm in a state with recreational marijuana which means I can stop rationing this gummy stash that I got back in September lol I can just eat them and crochet all night and buy more before I head back to Florida

- yes there are things I want to change/improve about my life but realistically, this year compared to previous years, I'm in a really good spot :)

[chalkrevelations]

So then we cut to the car, and let's be honest here - Night's request for Day to put on his seatbelt - which Day initially ignores and then acts like an ass about complying with - is 1) a request designed to keep Day safe and 2) a request that would be made of anyone in the car and has nothing to do with Day's disability. But Day's spoiling for a fight, because whether Night meant it this way or not, his reactions to Day's difficulties inside the Institute are being seen as an "I told you so" and an enforcement of the idea that Day can't function on his own - it's another brick in the wall of enforced dependence.

And this is a place where I wish we knew more about the relationship between the two of them before the accident because I gotta tell you, when Mom calls and tells Night to talk to Day about the documents - which sound like some kind of healthcare power of attorney - if I was Night, I'd'a been like, yeeeah, no. I'm going to wait to do that until you can be part of the conversation, so maybe your precious baby boy will be slightly less of an asshole. Because this gets us into the ugliest we've seen Day be to someone, all, "I know you want everything I have" and "Mom bought this car for me" and "I'll get my eyesight back and no one will ever care about you." FR, Bro? I'd'a treated you like you were no different from anybody else and pulled the car over and punched you in your nasty mouth for that last one. And now I really want to know what the relationships actually were like in that house, that Day throws his supposed favored son status in Night's face as aggressively as he does here.

Are we going to find out that Night bears some responsibility for whatever accident happened? I hope not, because that opens the door to more interesting possibilities.

The initial interaction with Mork strikes me as just having a convenient target, but watching this scene in the car, I wonder how much Day feels safe being a heinous bitch to Night because Night is family and can’t leave him (can't abandon him, the way Mork feels Rung did to him). Dad is entirely absent in the equation so far (heeeeyyyy, do we think he might have been killed in the accident, or was he already out of the picture, or has he left because he can’t handle all this?), and Mom is the source of security and comfort, presumably, and it’s too scary to think about doing anything to push her away, and you also don’t want to do anything to risk your position as her perceived favorite. But Night is a safe target. He’s the older brother, he’s supposed to be the bigger person, lit. and fig. He has to take all the shit you shovel onto him, right?

I would be much more interested to see that kind of dynamic dealt with than something as simple as oh, Night was driving the car when the accident happened.

And then Day throws a tantrum and literally walks into traffic, and Mork saves him, and we are pushing hard on the instant attraction thing, and I guess if it's a fuckable knight in shining armor, then it's fine for Day to play the damsel in distress, lol.

[sargewood]

IM STARING SOOOO INTENTLY AT canon(ish?), logan loves benny and later sarah but feels like a homewrecker

ok this one i can already tell is going to be my legit baby so here's a few pieces of it so far <33 i'll probably decide later on down the road if benny comes back after he leaves or not but idk yet! i might make him and sarah logan's wags and let elias keep his job lol

“But this is our dream?” (Logan) “No, Logan, this is your dream. I want to be a father. I want to be a family with Sarah.” (Benny) Logan reels back like he's been smacked. “Oh. I get it. I'm not a part of this like I thought I was then.” (Logan) “Logan, I didn't mean it like that. You have to know I didn't mean it like that!” (Benny) “I thought this would be better, but it’s not.” (Benny) “We tried, right?” Logan curls in on himself, feels impossibly small. Just wants Benny to say this ever meant something, anything to him like it did Logan. “We did try.” (Benny) “I know we were waiting to see if it would get better once we made it to F1, but it’s just not getting better. I think we both have to admit that.” (Benny)

“This is hard, but I think you were right. You should go be a dad to Kobe and Nala, spend time with Sarah.” “I won’t stop you, but are you sure Logan?” Logan nods. “Yeah, I can’t keep taking you away from your family. It’s not fair.” “You’re my family too, Logan. Whatever happens, I need you to remember that, yeah?” Logan nods to appease Benny, but he knows that Benny’s just saying that to make this easier, to make Logan feel better about essentially firing his trainer. Knows that eventually communication will peter out to obligatory texts and that Logan has to find a way to cope with that and move on. He can’t keep doing this to Benny or Sarah. He can’t destroy their actual family.

Logan’s phone lights up with the name ‘Sarah ❤️’ and the picture that the three of them took on the beach in Miami in 2023. Logan has a feeling as to why she’s calling, but can’t let it go unanswered. He couldn’t do that to Sarah, so he takes a deep breath and unlocks his phone. “Hello?” “Hi, love.” “Hi, Sarah,” Logan says. “You want to tell me what’s going on?” She asks gently. And something inside Logan breaks. Suddenly he’s sobbing down the phone with shuddering gasps racking his body, unable to catch his breath. “Hey, hey. You’re fine, babes. I need you to breathe for me.” He’s fucking trying, but his body just won’t cooperate. Sarah can hear him struggling, and it breaks her heart. “Do you need me to do anything?” Sarah asks. “No,” Logan chokes out. “Will you just talk? About anything, I don’t care.”

fuck it i'll include the playlist for this one too, it's more infidelity/guilt vibes but there are a few repeats

you signed up for this (maisie peters)

the blue (gracie abrams)

is there something in the movies (samia)

i know it won’t work (gracie abrams)

aeroplane (greer)

the other woman (lana del rey)

triptych (samia)

picture you (chappell roan)

coffee (chappell roan)

why did you marry (nataly dawn)

i don’t sleep well (hello saferide)

i do (reneé rapp)

high infidelity (taylor swift)

right where you left me (taylor swift)

go home (lucius)

don’t tell my mom (reneé rapp)

the kids don’t wanna come home (declan mckenna)

the one that got away (katy perry)

as long as we’re together (the lemon twigs)

why didn’t you say that? (the lemon twigs)

pool (samia)

to me it was (samia)

orange show speedway (lizzy mcalpine)

reckless driving (lizzy mcalpine)

called you again (lizzy mcalpine)

just dumb enough to try (father john misty)

nobody sees me like you do (japanese breakfast's version)

everybody does (julien baker)

your father (the front bottoms)

when u love somebody (fruit bats)

tornado warnings (sabrina carpenter)

things i wish you said (sabrina carpenter)

talking to strangers (maisie peters)

tough act (maisie peters)

bad decisions (bastille)

good lesson (bastille)

make me cry (noah cyrus)

fell in love without you (motion city soundtrack)

rewind (goldspot)

where’s my love (SYML)

meant to stay hid (SYML)

bottom of the ocean (miley cyrus)

not like the movies (katy perry)

grow as we go (ben platt)

same boat (lizzy mcalpine)

illicit affairs (taylor swift)

if you leave (orchestral manoeuvres in the dark)

also probably half of lizzy mcalpine's new album will end up on this list as well because that entire album is about logan and benny

[xplrvibes]

Opinion on the video? I feel you'll have funny or spicy things to say about certain parts of it, lol.

So, I haven't answered many asks about the video, simply because the first time I watched it, I watched it in sections and I feel like I missed a lot, so I had to find time and go back to rewatch it before I truly formulated an opinion and responded to anything.

I've done that, so I'll start answering some of these asks now.

To be completely honest, I did write up a very long post about the video, but I wound up scrapping it. It was long, wordy, and 100% bound to get me canceled on here, lol.

So instead, I'm summarize my thoughts here.

This video can basically be split into two parts: The Guests, and the Post Guests.

I might just skip over the whole part with the guests because honestly, I don't even know why they were there. They didn't seem into it, Larray especially wasn't taking it seriously, and I feel like everyone involved was just in it for the view farming. Honestly, the whole first 20 minutes was a skip for me, and I feel like this collab would've been better served in a regular video and not their huge project of the year that's supposed to break barriers and show who they are as people.

The Merry Knockers coming in and doing their thing was fine for what it was - again, I'm not fully feeling their vibes with this, but I'm not going to keep poking at it. It is what it is. So for what it is, it was fine.

I do want to point out one random thing, which is that Colby should go on Wheel of Fortune, cause his guessing game about what these knocks were spelling out was on point, holy damn.

Also, their message about the other side - I think at the end of the day, all anyone wants for the afterlife is for their best case scenario to be true, whether that be dark eternal nothingness or fluffy clouds with angels on them or reincarnation or something in between. We all just want peace, whatever that means for us personally. So, it was a nice message in that regards and it obviously meant a lot to then.

That's what matters. Impact.

The vibes changed the second the guests left, as they always do. Why snc can't just realize that and get comfortable being on their own more often is beyond me, but honestly- it just flows better when it's the two of them.

Now, the one thing I want to point out about this video is that they spent 90% of the time not acknowledging the elephant in the basement- Sam and his middle child tendencies rearing their ugly heads again.

I am going to tread very carefully here, but I'm also going to put it bluntly - what Sam did was selfish. They went into this with a pre-agreed upon idea and plan for the video and the basement in particular, and Sam tried to go into business and - as Colby eloquently put it - "take it for himself." And that's what that was, btw...it was not possession, it was not, "Oh wow, I need a quiet place to think about Grandma." He tried to go into business for himself and take the Big Moment of the video for himself, and when it failed, he sat back for three days and waited until the Big Moment - and a camera - was on them to tell Colby about it.

I would've been pissed too. In fact, I give Colby props for how calmly he handled it, cause I would've thrown some hands lol.

Just a shitty, selfish, non team player thing to do.

What cracked me up about this whole thing was how Colby checked him immediately with just a clenched jaw, a few disappointed words, and a mom look. That's all it took to get Sam backtracking like a motherfucker.

They seriously do act like a long suffering married couple sometimes.

Anyway, 3 minutes later and Sam is the only thing keeping Colby from drowning in the Conjuring Well, so that ought to tell you that they'll be just fine.

The Estes Method...ok. We need to talk about Dave, cause homeboy really just wants to get laid. Is that why he's tryjng to get everyone to go out into the woods? Like bro, you're dead, calm down.

Anyway, Sam's reaction to the "sex" answer was 10/10. Little bit of "what the fuck" mixed with a whole lot of begrudging respect.

Sassy, still-pissed Colby just reacting to Sam's shaking with a disgusted sounding "what are you doing?" also made me laugh.

In general, just know that the basement made me laugh.

The camera malfunctioning at the end - I actually thought Colby was turning it off at first, ngl. It just felt like drama for drama's sake. And then Sam had the bright idea to film it happening on his phone so we could see that it wasn't them - which they need to do more of, by the way - so that was cool.

The head popping up behind them when they came up from the basement: I need confirmation that nobody else was in the house before I even syart going down any possible road on this one. Sorry, snc, but that totally looks like a human.

Anyway, the video was fine for what it was. Psychology wise, there was some utterly fascinating parts to watch and dissect, they got some fun evidence, and there was a lot of snc alone time which is always a plus.

Overall, I'd probably give it a solid 6/10.

[fff777]

part 1 reaction to jaemin and chenle playing dress up on dream x dream

hell yeah pretzel opening music. i said this last time but pretzel has really become such a jam for me.

somewhere in the universe, jisung is feeling the synchronized betrayal

why...why is jaemin speaking in his quiet voice

he was trying hard not to say the brand name but ended up saying it anyway because chenle didn't get it

so anyway jaemin was saying he only buys from the brand he likes and nothing else. so he has like ten pairs of adidas track pants.

manhandled

jaemin is so convinced something flashy like this is chenle's style and chenle keeps being like no be serious and jaemin's like but i AM serious. he thinks the bling bling is very young and rich chenle style

jaemin wants chenle to wear pink and cute colours because that's what jaemin likes

jaemin canadian tuxedo

chenle seems pleased with jaemin's selection :3 (the camera was shaky so no screenshots but chenle was like ohhhhh~)

jaemin's analysis of dreamies' fashion. the scale is how often they go shopping.

chenle doesn't shop a lot

jeno doesn't shop that much, but he does have new stuff so presumably he does things

in jaemin's pov, mark is a shopaholic lol. he even goes shopping abroad, and he puts things in his online shopping cart when he's still deciding whether to buy it.

haechan buys new things every 4-5 months but it'll be like a bag and not like an entire outfit change

renjun shops a lot, he's the kind to show up in a new outfit from top to bottom

jisung buys unique items :3 here jaemin was talking about a hoodie that jisung bought with ears on it :3

jaemin doesn't buy often. i have heard all the dreamies (including himself) say that jaemin's the kind of guy to go head first into whatever he's into and ride that high for a while. so presumably he buys one kind of outfit and just continuously wears it until he's tired of it.

bro SAME shopping for clothes is so tiring, especially having to try on clothes 😭

he touched da butt

chenle said knitwear looks good on jaemin because it's a tight fit on him (i.e. you can see his muscles)

chenle said he likes shopping for other things, just not clothes

he and i are basically the same person...my mom has to drag me out to buy clothes because i just have no interest

the baggiest pants lol

chenle was going to check jaemin's pants and flipped up jaemin's sweater and jaemin was like bro??

LMAO spear and shield. chenle kept being like "i can get you better pants" and jaemin kept being like "no it's fine i'll just go with these"

chenle was so whatever about choosing clothes at first but now he's getting competitive

literally shaking his butt for the camera

chenle kept touching jaemin through the knit sooooo i think he really does like it

jaemin started singing baggy jeans

the shirt and sweater combo are indeed very cute on chenle. jaemin said he looked dandy and like he would smell good heh.

the next challenge is to pick clothes based on a theme which they'll pick randomly

chenle's little cackle as he ran off X3

LMAO jaemin took the snazzy loud outfit again