#whatever 3dg said yeah

[adamsloverboy]

Hi. If you're searching for positivity, this is not it, you may skip if you want.

We're talking about feeling alienated.

Now, my experience may be "contaminated" but I think my point still stands.

Being aroace/aspec sucks when you're surrounded by friends who have partners. By friends who put their partner WAY above friends. It sucks especially when you and your friend used to talk all day, and suddenly, it turns into a message per day. Then one per week.

It sucks because you know it's 'your fault' and that you can't blame them— they're building their life, it's fine if you're not in their daily routine. It's common.

But it hurts even more when, they break up, and your friend begins talking to you all day again. It feels like you're a quick-fix, someone that is there when they feel low, but never when they feel high. Sort of a substitute to love.

And it's a loop.

It also sucks when every one of your friends has a partner and you start to feel less. Sure, it's society's fault for pushing amanormativity, but you still feel like that.

It's funny because your 'inability' to fall in love is a joke among them.

"You're the only one I know who doesn't long/search for a relationship," but you do long for the closeness, for the trust, the mutual caring.

And here it goes. Feeling like you never fit in.

Everyone around you is searching for love, even finding it, going as far as disappearing from your life for it.

And there you stand, wanting to hang out with your friends. Just have fun. But they have other things! They have their partners. They have their partner's family—

Anyone but you.

And they talk about love, they talk about intimacy, and they talk talk talk.

You wonder, is it really that good? Is love worth all this hype?

Why not me?

Why everyone but me?