#what's it with teachers making me cry this week?!
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greeniegaes · 3 days ago
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Thinking about Omega SQQ again sigh
Okay. So warning this is a male lactation AU so if you don’t like that don’t read, nothing explicit happens tho, just a guy and his pups
I imagine when he first goes into his body everything feels like he’s in haywire, constantly on edge and ready for a fight. Once he’s gotten the hang of things he uses his cultivation to try and simmer down his hormones.
Only to realize it was his cultivation preventing hormones that was making him feel like shit all the time.
So eventually he sighs and stops doing that. The first few days are bad, cramps and sickness and a general feeling of wanting to claw everyone’s eyes out. He gets through that though.
Then his breasts start to come in.
He knew PIDW has its weirder parts of omegaverse so he knew that this would happen. At first he starts binding his chest but that hurts SO SO SO much that he collapses on like the third day (he was also doing it improperly because it’s him, yk) and gets stuffed into Qian Cao
MQF: I was not aware shixiong was an omega
SQQ: I’ve only recently decided to stop holding myself back
MQF: it is recommended that you form a small pack of your disciples to help with your instincts and… that *waving at SQQs chest.*
SQQ: *screams internally.* Okay :)
At this point after like a week of just draining himself and going insane he finally gives up. LBH has already started living in the bamboo hut so he’s kinda the best option so he sits the boy down.
SQQ: Binghe, I hope you know this isn’t going to change anything but
LBH, thinking: oh my god no please don’t kick me out
SQQ: since this master has allowed his omega side back out he’s been struggling with his urges about thinking of his disciples like pups. If it’s not an offense to your character can I take some of it out on you
LBH, internally: YES YES YES PLEASE OH GOD YES I NEED IT
LBH, externally: If that would please shizun then sure :]
So they start a twice daily thing of in the morning and night LBH goes into SQQs room and his nest and gets feed. Apparently milk is hella good for the skin and shit because after a few weeks he starts to look flawless somehow.
And SQQ really wants to see his other kids- DISCIPLES flourish like that. He extends the offer to a close few and some look like they going to cry at the honor of their teacher wanting to take care of them.
LBH is still the main drinker and always wants to huff when he has to share, but he does it none the less. His Shizun gets really cute during feeding sessions, purring and chirping at them, fixing their hair and playing with it, scratching their scalp, the whole nine yards.
So LBH repays it by feeding SQQ more, which also makes him have more milk in turn. He huffs and complains at his body’s need to produce so much, his chest wayyy too heavy in the middle of the day to be comfortable, leaking and wasting everything.
He ignored that though, even if LBH and his other pups- disciples offer to help him.
Eventually after the Abyss his body is still making big amounts of milk because that’s what it was used to. Most of the time he just gets it out himself and pours it into the grass, often now also starting his other feedings.
Everything starts to get to him and he’s decided that staying on the mountain is no good. So he sneaks out, by himself, in search of something to heal his heart.
All the peak lords and disciples are going crazy, nobody can find him and nobody knows where he could’ve gone. Eventually while LQG is talking to a random villager out in a border town of their territory he sees SQQ again, arms filled with two pudgy babies and looking ever so pleased.
SQQ: Oh! Hi Shidi
SQQ internally: OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THE SECT
LQG: where have you been???
SQQ: sorry sorry babies are hard work I didn’t want to travel alone with them
LQG, wanting to have an aneurysm but can’t: let me just help you home
On one hand the entire sect is so relieved that SQQ didn’t die of heartbreak over losing his favorite pup or get kidnapped. On the other hand SQQ??? Where’d you’d acquire those babies?? They aren’t yours, it’s only been 6 months!!
Anyways after SQQ is safely back in the sect he doesn’t see a point in leaving. I mean! Look! Look at his pups! So cute and round! One of them has little dimples!
The other peak lords carefully go to see what was going on, YQY opening the door to the bamboo house after being told to come in and all of them are just smacked with happy omega pheromones, SQQ gently cradling them both in his arms as he rocks in a chair.
At that point all of the peak lords decide that yk, maybe it doesn’t matter how the children were acquired. They were well feed and cared for and obviously SQQ was happy again.
(He got the children from a working in the WRP, she had wanted babies and all her sisters were supportive but then she realized she didn’t like being a parent but you also can’t morally just… dispose of a child. SQQ visited there once in his depression stoop and stayed for a few days after falling in love with the kiddos. Then he just went on an adventure with his babies and got distracted by the cool world building.)
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buckyalpine · 1 day ago
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To be deleted, Just venting. I'm sick of behavioral issues in schools. I'm sick of kids throwing shit around, screaming, showing defiance towards basic expectations and then complaining about it afterwards when there are consequences. Genuinely, why the fuck are they like this. Idk if this is the result of ipad kids or the new generation of parents but I'm so fed up. I'm so fucking exhausted dealing with kids who know how to make the biggest mess imaginable crying and whining about having to clean it up after. What in the absolute flying FUCK did you think was going to happen. The attitude that follows and the refusal to follow instructions?
Let's not even start on the apathy kids have towards learning. They can recite shit from tiktok word for word, God forbid you ask them to spell something, that's too much and hurts them emotionally. "UhM, wE'rE jUsT kIdS, wE sHoUlD bE aLloWeD tO tAlK" These words were actually said to me while the kid was complaining about another teacher. Who just asked them not to talk during lessons. And this was the response. That they're just kids, obviously they don't know better so they should be allowed to talk. NOT WHEN THE TEACHER IS TEACHING YOU DUMB FUCK.
Sorry.
Last week I had another kid try to stab multiple people for fun with the Remembrance day poppies. Then that thing spat soda everywhere. Slapped a few kids. Stole their hats. Their persuasive essay topic was why school should be shorter. Because they need time to rest and play and complete their homework. This is from the child who never does it. Their parent believes their sports games are more important anyway so this kid gives 0 fucks about school.
I actually can't tell if I want to quit yet or not. Teaching has changed so much over the last few years and I don't think I can do it when this is the direction it's going in. IDK what else I can do with my degree but I'm about to start researching because I cannot take it.
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therealestsophia · 2 days ago
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Jealousy Hidden Behind Masksִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ
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hiya��‍↕️🙂‍↕️ this is my first tumblr post— this is also posted on ao3. howeveerrr I am aware Ghost and König are not in the same team ive been playing this game since I was younger, so think of it as an au or something idrk
────────୨ৎ────────
Last week you and your team were sent on a mission in Mexico trying to find some cartel in Guadalajara. However one of the new sergeants put herself in mind boggling danger. She stood tall at an open fire, trying to take the bullets for everyone else so they could have a chance to
live.
Everyone was screaming at her to get down, to save herself. But she didn’t want to listen, if she was gonna go down…She would be remembered for how she did it
For the few right reasons,
and for all the wrong.
You not wanting this bright eyed sergeant to lose her life from one dumb heroic decision, you took it upon yourself to tackle her to the ground. However in the midst of tackling her you got shot in the abdomen an exceptional amount of times. Due to you and the sergeant being severely injured the team couldn't move forward without abandoning you both, and to Ghost, that wasn't an option.
❤️🔥
“Are you stupid [name]?” his fists landed on his desk, causing the glass of water atop it to shake slightly. His voice may have been calm with a sharp edge to it, but he couldn't stop his actions. You were trying your absolute hardest to choke down your tears, you couldn't cry in front of your Lieutenant like a scared little girl who just lost her parents in the store.
“Huh? Are you?” he quipped. His icy blue gaze narrows on your small frame sitting on the chair in front of his desk.
“Ghost-” my voice shook as I tried to keep myself together, slowly meeting his piercing gaze.
“Don’t ‘Ghost’ me.” he hissed, cutting your trembling voice off. But somehow, Ghost cutting you off only fueled the fire that was slowly building inside of you. You looked down at your balled hands sitting in your lap, slightly picking at your nails to try and calm yourself down.
Even if you could see his face, you already could imagine what it looked like. His blonde eyebrows furrowing in frustration, his lips pressed thin in a firm line of anger. You could understand his anger to a degree, but was this really necessary? You’re sitting here living after all, injured but alive.
He took in a heavy sigh of anger, “You deliberately went against orders, and almost got yourself killed.” he growled, there he was again. Referencing the stupid wounds that litter your abdomen due to your stupid, heroic decision. His lips drawn back in a snarl as he looked at your body, studying your body language to try and guess your next move.
“Ghost, why do you even care so much?!” you finally snapped at him, which in turn caught him by surprise with your sudden outburst. Your eyes burning with frustration that had finally boiled over. Slightly shifting in your seat while never breaking eye contact, wincing at shooting pain coming from your ribs, the pain you’ve been so desperately trying to ignore. The exact pain he was referencing throughout this entire argument.
He paused for a second, debating his words. “Because I care about you.” he said flatly, the anger in his voice was slightly gone but it was still there lingering. “Don’t you get it? Do you need me to spell it out for you to even reach your thick skull?” he sneered. There's the anger that was lingering in his tone. His eyes never left yours, it was becoming a battle to see who would break eye contact first, and it wasn't going to be you.
His hands were pressed firm on the desk, standing over you like some kind of hierarchy. You sat there, your eyes staring into his while you sat there like some child getting scolded by a teacher.
“I don’t need to get it.” you muttered under your breath, annoyance clear in your tone. “I never asked for you to care,” you paused, inhaling a sharp breath while standing up to push in your chair. “Nor anyone else, so don't make it my problem.” you hissed through your teeth as you reached his office door, whipping around to open it. Maybe you were the one to break eye contact, but at this point you couldn’t take it anymore.
God if you wanted a lecture you could have gone to Price.
Ghost just stood there, a blank expression on his face that was carefully covered by his balaclava, though his eyes read a thousand words. You opened the door and slammed it shut, walking away from his office briskly, you reflected on your choice of words. They were harsh, no sugar coating that, but they were true. Right?
But this time he didn't try to call you back, demanding you come back to speak to him. He just stood there in his office, contemplating everything.
You walked back to the barracks quietly, not bothering to say hello to anyone you passed. You walked for what felt like forever, being trapped in your own thoughts made it worse.
Once you finally reached your room you opened your door quickly and slammed it shut. All your prior frustrations came back as soon as you stepped in the room. Your eyes pricked with tears as you stood there silently, a lump in your throat formed and it was impossible to choke down. You kicked off your boots and made your way to your bed, as you flopped down on the soft mattress you couldn't hold back your tears.
The tears fell smoothly down your flushed cheeks, your body curling up in a ball as you drowned yourself in blankets. Your quiet sobs filled the room, and it didn't even matter that you still had your uniform on, you didn't care anymore. Your abdomen was throbbing, the pain making your tears fall harder than they were before. His words flooded your thoughts, ‘Because I care about you.’ kept replaying over and over again.
Why did he have to care? That made this so much more worse than it had to be.
The sobs eventually got quieter and quieter, god. Why did I have to be such a crybaby? So- sensitive. His words felt like thousands of sharp knives cutting through you. It was awful, it hurt so much.  Your eyes began to flutter slightly as you continued to cry, all you could do was cry and ponder on your decisions.
❤️🔥 pov change.
My eyes slowly blinked open as I woke up to a pounding headache. Damn it. I glanced at the clock as I sat up. It read 17:38, I sighed and closed my eyes leaning my back on my headboard. I rubbed my puffy eyes and crawled out of bed, throwing my blankets off of me. I stumbled to my feet, grabbing my night stand to balance myself.
Finally steadying myself I walked into my bathroom just to look at what I looked like. Oh my god…my tear streaked face was a sight to see you could say. I turned the light on before turning the sink to cold and started to splash my face with freezing water, hoping it would clear my post-cry face.
Turning off my sink and grabbing a towel I turned to pat my face dry, good enough.
I looked at my puffy eyes in the mirror with a huff before walking out of my bathroom and turning off the light. I walked slowly towards my door, slipping on my boots and walking out of my room.
Roaming the halls it was quiet, nothing was really happening. It wasn’t a busy day today, the halls holding an uncomfortable silence as I walked through them.
The sounds of my boots lightly treading across cold tile floor filled my ears.
Continuing to walk towards the mess hall I saw Ghosts office to my right, the office that hours earlier I stormed out of. I shook my head with a sigh and continued to walk towards the mess hall. Though the halls were oddly quiet, it was unsettling to say the least.
Reaching the mess hall I realized it wasn't as  crowded as it usually was. I didn’t have an appetite so I decided to just sit down at one of the empty tables and lay my head down, just listening to the talking and bickering of the place was comforting.
That's when I heard a familiar voice behind me, his presence was strong but his accent was even stronger.
“Schatz?” the man asked, his Austrian accent strong.
“König?” I asked and glanced up to see the tall Austrian man standing behind me, looming over me like a giant building.
He sat next to me, he clearly saw the somber expression written all over my face. He sat close, but not that close. The chatter in the mess hall was a comforting ambiance to this situation.
He gently lifted a finger to my trembling chin with his rough index finger, forcing me to stare into his pale blue eyes.
“Ist etwas passiert?” he asked softly, his tone quiet but still audible from the noise around us. (Did something happen?)
“No…” I whispered lower than he could hear, my voice slightly shaking as I tried to keep myself together.
I quickly hung my head low, breaking eye contact with him. My bottom lip was trembling as I tried to choke back my own tears, I didn't want to worry him, especially with all the stuff he's dealing with on his own.
“Oh, komm her.” he coaxed, pulling me into a bear hug. Trapping me in his warm embrace, playing with my hair in an attempt to calm me down. (Oh, come here.)
I lost it, I started bawling into his chest. Clinging onto his shirt in a desperate attempt to make sure he wouldn't leave me.
“Ghost and I had a fight-” I managed to choke out.
Ghost, the name alone made Konig tense up. I felt him squeeze me tighter in his arms when I said his name.
The name rang in his ears, his head racing with thoughts of him and you together as he gently stroked your hair.
Why can't you just realize that I can be so much better than him? Konig thought quietly.
Everytime Konig saw you with Ghost, it felt like you took his heart so gingerly, so sparingly…only to stomp on it afterwards. Or whispering sweet nothings into his ear but plunging the knife in his heart, over, and over again.
“He wont talk to me-” your trembling voice broke him free from the prison someone called thoughts. “and I'm worried I really messed up big time…” I sobbed even harder into his chest, it felt like I was dying.
Dramatic much. Though my chest heaving, I was hyperventilating.
“Shhh…” he soothed, rubbing my lower back gently. Konig gritted his teeth and bit his tongue, he didn't want to upset you more than you already were. He didn’t want to add his name to the list of reasons.
He just sat there rubbing your back, just being a shoulder to cry on. My fingers clung to his shirt, like he was a balloon and I was trying so hard to keep him on the ground with me.
“I know it hurts, but everything will be fine.” he reassured, his voice soft but still stern enough to make you listen to him. He spoke of things he knew nothing about, having no prior knowledge was hard but he was trying his best.
Him calming me down was oddly comforting, his warm embrace made my heart flutter slightly. “Just calm down, it’ll be fine, I promise.” he calmed me further, his accent coming back stronger.
He held me tight, holding me like I was the most precious gem in the world and he would do anything to keep it in his possession.
How could he promise something he knew nothing about?
How could someone make such an empty promise?
I finally pulled away from him, my tear streaked face and glassy eyes looking up at him with a pained expression.
My breath was still labored, my bottom lip wobbling as I tried to keep myself steady.
“I know it hurts, but give him time,” he paused to take a sharp inhale. “You guys always work it out.” Konig mumbled through gritted teeth, his personal vendetta with Ghost was getting the better of him.
He wanted to say so much more, how Ghost didn't deserve you, how you shouldn't cry over someone like him. But he didn't, he kept his mouth shut because your comfort was his top priority.
It hurt him so much to see you in pain, to see you cry over Ghost was, who quite frankly, could go jump out of a helicopter and he’d be fine with it.
I was pulled from my thoughts as I glanced around the room. Out of my periphery I saw Ghost, leaning on the mess hall door watching me. Wait no…
Watching Konig?
His eyes looked like they were burning with irritation, though they had a hint of…
Jealousy?
His gaze narrowed on Konig who was looking at me with pitiful eyes, who looked at me like he wanted to say something more but didn't.
My head slowly rose to look up at Konig. My eyes were glassy as I looked up at him slowly, my lashes fluttering. He kept his hands on my waist, just looking down at me. That's when I realized Konig wasn't looking at me anymore, his eyes were focused on Ghost.
“I’m sorry…” I whispered, though I wasn't sure if he could hear me over the chattering in the mess hall.
That's right, I forgot that's where we were. It felt like everyone else was invisible when I saw Ghost, like I could only catch his gaze and that was it.
“Warum guckt er sie so an?!” König muttered beneath his mask. I looked up at König again, my head slightly cocking to the side at his comment. (Why does he look at her like that?!)
“Huh?” I asked quietly, my hands balled in front of me.
“Nothing.” he mumbled, his eyes quickly going back to mine. I glanced slowly back at the door, trying to see Ghost once more.
But he was gone, the tall Brit that stood there, watching, was now gone.
All I could see was the people chattering, not even noticing me and König, thank god.
“Im so sor-“ I started quickly before König cut me off.
“Don’t be sorry, its not your fault hes-“ König stopped himself from saying anything more. I gave König a slightly puzzled look when he abruptly stopped talking.
“Just don’t be sorry.” he restated, not bothering to add the extra words he was about to say.
Oh.
I just sat there on the bench, pondering in my own thoughts, pondering on what he was going to say. However thats when König stood up from the bench, no longer feeling his large hands on my waist.
“I have to go, schatz. But please, please, don’t be sorry, everything will be okay.” he assured as he rubbed my shoulder slightly, his accent dripping off of his words.
His words were sweet, so sweet. Almost like poison, leaving me slowly wanting more of his comfort, more of his touch.
I gave him a curt nod as I looked up at him, wiping my face with my sleeve while I watched König walk away.
I felt so alone all over again, my red puffy eyes returning like a bad hangover.
Another cold water splash for me.
I pulled myself from my thoughts, I needed to leave, I just needed to get out.
I started to force myself up from the bench, lowering my head to not let anyone see my tear stained face, and red puffy eyes. I began to walk briskly out of the mess hall, not bothering to to looking behind me as I reached the door.
For some odd reason when I reached the door my eyes wandered. I looked left and right, high and low, just to see if he was there.
If Ghost was there.
I shook my head and started walking quickly, the chattering and bickering slowly fading as I quietly walked out of the the mess hall, returning back to the uncomfortably quiet halls.
Finally returning back to the empty barracks I grabbed the cold door handle and swung open the door. Only to have warm air hit me as soon as it opened.
Great.
I walked over to the bathroom, reaching my hand up to the light switch. The yellow toned flickering light flooding the bathroom.
I sighed when I saw my face. Looking up to see my eyes were bloodshot, my under eyes no longer purple, they were red and puffy.
Just what I need.
I scoffed at my own thoughts before turning the sink on, letting the water run to a freezing temperature before finally lowering my head to splash my face with the water.
It felt like a sense of relief as the first drop hit my face, almost feeling like someone was running an ice cube across my face.
I continued to let the water hit me. My face gradually becoming warm because of the cold.
Though it gave me time to think, should I apologize to him?
Him was Ghost, I just couldn’t get him out of my head. The way he stared at me and König in the mess hall lingered in my mind like König’s cologne hitting my nose.
Wait- why am I even thinking about both of them?
I turned off the water and groaned. Wiping the droplets away from my eyes as I looked in the mirror once again. This time there was no redness,
well maybe except my nose that was cold now.
I grabbed a towel and roughly dried my face, before tossing the towel on my sink as I flicked off the light.
Leaning down I unzipped my boots,slipping them off I stood on the hot hardwood floor before I slumped on my bed. Letting all my worries slip slightly as I hit the hard mattress, the springs beneath me rattling slightly.
Why do I feel like this?
What am I feeling towards both of them-
What is even happening?
I laid on my bed, my feet slightly above the ground as I contemplated everything. I wanted to work things out between me and Ghost, but the look in his eyes when he saw me with König.
Not to mention König gripping me tighter when he saw Ghost.
The AC turning on erased my thoughts,
Finally, it’s hotter than the pits of hell in here.
My own thoughts were driving me crazy, I couldn’t stand to be alone with them anymore.
I guess thats it? I apologize and all of this stops?
I groaned getting up off my bed, my feet hitting the cold ground. No thick pair of socks can save you once the AC turns on.
I hobbled over to my boots, zipping them up quickly trying to get my poor feet off the cold hardwood.
Stumbling over my own feet I finally reached my door, carefully opening it, unlike how I swung it open 10 minutes ago.
The warm air of the halls hit me as I walked into them, slowly closing my door behind me.
Creeeeeek.
Was all I heard as my door closed. Cringing at the noise I started my journey to Ghosts office.
Roaming the halls it still held the same uncomfortable silence, odd.
My boots clicked and clacked as I ventured closer and closer to his office, my veins starting to pump with adrenaline as I drew closer.
My stomach churned with unease,
what would I say?
I didn’t even rehearse this!
Though my body had a mind of its own. As I drowned in my thoughts I finally realized I was standing in front of Ghosts office.
Good lord help me.
I was knocking on his door before I could even second guess myself.
Knock,
Knock,
Kno-
My first was still in the air when Ghost cracked the door open slightly, peering out to see who was knocking.
His eyes held an irritated gaze when he opened the door after realizing it was me. When his door opened enough to where I could see him fully, the smell of cigarettes and cologne wafted in my nose.
“Do you need something?” he grumbled, his brown eyes piercing through me.
“I uhm-“ I stammered, forget what I said earlier, I should have never came here.
“Cat got your tongue?” his eyes narrowed while his brows furrowed in annoyance, he was obviously not happy.
I let out a quick sigh as I fidgeted with my nails behind my back, “M’sor-“ I started quietly as he cut me off.
What is with them and cutting people off?
“Why.” he stated, nothing more, nothing less. His eyes holding no emotion to go off of anymore.
“Why?” I questioned as I stood outside of his doorway, my facial expression painted with confusion.
“Why?” he scoffed a pause, “Why were his hands all over you?” his voice was gruff when he spoke to me, his bulky figure leaning on the door frame.
I stared back at Ghost who was staring at me dead in the face. My eyes widened with surprise at his words, even his tone.
“What, do I have to elaborate for you?” he growled, his voice becoming rougher as his eyes bored into my soul.
“I- What?” I stumbled over my words, desperately trying to find the ones that were stuck in my throat. I stared blankly at him, my nails stinging from my consistent picking. Unease coursing through my frozen body.
He let out an exaggerated sigh before grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his office, slamming the door on my way in.
I let out a quiet yelp as he grabbed my wrist and dragged me into his office, the slamming door making my body jolt.
He spun me around, my back facing his desk as be grabbed my hips roughly.
“Ghost-“ My face flushed a pretty shade of pink, an unwanted shade of pink, right?
“Ghost get off of me!” I demanded as I pushed his hands off of me, stumbling as I tripped backwards into his desk.
What was he doing?
He looked at me with hungry eyes, jealousy and hunger. Though his eyes flashed with a hint of surprise as I pushed him back.
He didn’t say anything, both of us just stood there in an uncomfortable silence. His muscles tensing slightly when I pulled away.
“What the hell- Why would you put your hands on me?” I broke the silence, my eyes flashing with confusion- irritation even. I was so lost and confused.
“And why would you let him touch you like that?!” he countered, his husky voice getting lower as he took small steps towards me.
My blood ran cold as he started to walk towards me, I felt helpless as his eyes flashed with an unsettling look.
“I-“ my voice was caught in my throat, a lump was there was was impossible to choke down.
“Why does it matter to you?” I finally choked out. But that was probably the worst choice of words I could have picked.
‘Because I care about you.’
His words rang in my head, practically running circles.
Though a shadowy figure broke me from my thoughts when I realized he was standing directly in front of me, his bulky figure looming over mine.
His palms rested on the cool wooden desk my back laid against.
“What are you-“ my words got lost as he cupped my chin harshly forcing me look up at him.
My body shuddered, I stayed frozen. My mouth hung open, desperately trying to say words that fell on deaf ears.
I couldn’t speak, I physically couldn’t, my words hung in the air like a sheet swaying in the wind on a clothes line.
“Why would you let him touch you, [name].” his voice was low and husky. It didn’t even sound like a question anymore, it felt like a command.
Like he was commanding me to stay helpless beneath him, commanding me to answer his ‘questions’.
More like demands.
“Thats none of your business Ghost- Get off of me!” I shouted, my voice trembling slightly as I tried to use my palms to push him back,
but to no avail.
He was anticipating this, Ghost stood tall like a brick wall in front of me. Keeping my cheeks in his rough gloved hand.
I was stuck.
lmk if yall want a pt 2 cuz this is over a year old😭😭 maybe ill have motivation
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watercolor-hearts · 2 months ago
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disdaidal · 9 months ago
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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marv3l-drag0ns · 1 month ago
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ripping and tearing and killing and immolating and commiting unspeakable violence against my spanish teacher YOU CANT JUST INTRODUCE AN ESSAY 5 DAYS BEFORE ITS DUE BY BRIGHTSPACE ANNOUNCEMENT. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. not even a fuckin MENTION of it in class.
ALSO YOU NEED TO PUT THE ENTIRE SYLLABUS ONLINE IF YOURE GONNA DO THAT NOT JUST WEEK BY WEEK FOR ASSIGNMENTS
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iwakuraz · 2 months ago
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it'll all be okay because there's only one more day left in the school week and after that it'll be the weekend. wait no what do you mean after the weekend I'll just have to go back to school? what do you mean the cycle of going to school and coming back home completely worn out is gonna continue?
#mole talks#ive been back in school for..... one week.#im so tired i can't stop feeling tired all of the time now this is horrible#i have to walk around school so much and im forved to be around other people anf its just exhausting#for me school would be better if they removed all social aspects#and all you would have to do is work and you wouldn't have to see other people ever#(apart from the teacher who is teaching you about the subject)#because if theres no forced socialisation that also means....... my classmates would never be ableist towards me again#:[ i can't believe i have to continue going to school#and ill probably have to continue going for many years to come#i hate how much it wares me out. i was si productive during the summer but now im not at all#and i JUST started school. it only gets worse from here#i just wanna learn. i dont want some annoying kid to call me slurs#i dont want to wear a uniform that makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin#i dont wanna walk around the corridors feeling like everybody is staring at me and judging me#i dont want to go home feeling too weak and tired to do anything#i just want to learn stuff#i don't think i even really care about how going to school is good for my future because i don't know whats in the future for me#i just want to learn things in the present#:[#wow i have a lot of homework i need to do. i say i don't mind the work but i haven't finished all of this yet so maybe im just lying#im gonna cry. i dont want to go back to school tomorrow i dont want to be surronded by people who hate what i am#but also i dont want the teachers to infantalise me anymore! im not a kid. im 16. treat me like everybody else im not a kid#why am i crying into the tumblr void again
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machidielontheway · 1 year ago
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i don't want to sing :(
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aberooski · 1 year ago
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It's astounding how one thing can ruin your entire day and destroy your entire emotional state.
#every single fucking time i try to apply for something i get ghosted or rejected#like i fucking get it i have no value or place in society you can stop throwing it in my face already#and every single time my whole family is just all ''you just have to keep looking you'll find something it'll be fine''#fuck right off with that shit#it's gotten to the point that I'm sobbing in my bedroom because I got rejected by the fucking aldis down the street from my house#and for a fucking part time position at that. I get it. i didn't work until college then only worked on campus. and went to school for music#but i have too much anxiety to be a teacher and am just not that kind of person. i have no skills or experience so fuck even trying for#anything even remotely halfway decent#I haven't worked in over a year since I graduated and the longer it gets the harder it is to get back into working yknow?#your value just decreases every fucking second so no one will give me the time of fucking day#i kinda had a job for like a fucking week last month that I didn't even want I was pushed into it and I hated it and cried so much#every day I actually almkst made myself sick from the crying and intense anxiety and then a week in they were like hey we like you and all#you're a good person and a very nice girl you're just no right for here so we're firing you essentially. so now I'm even more fucked#I've never felt more lost and more like the universe had no place for me anymore#and being in singing in the rain at my community theater was the only good thing I had in my life where I felt I had a place again#but the show's over now so I'm back to having nothing and nowhere and just don’t know what to do anymore#no wonder I can't fucking write anymore I'm just too sad all the time#abby's self deprication hour#abby's serious corner#I did make some progress in the mario crossover the other day when I felt pretty good actually though so that's something right?#I'm trying I really am
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lorenlily · 2 years ago
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and what if i tell you the number of people voting on your poll who have cried due to a teacher can be as high as 22000 because there's also an option for "more than one apply" 🤔
yeah i realised after i posted it 😭 but i had already written too many tags 😭 seriously this is a big YIKES
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just-rogi · 1 year ago
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I’m moving out in five weeks and last night I snapped at my roommate who had been a dick to me all year (for something reasonable and justifiable) and ik I shouldn’t feel bad but I totally do lol
All year has been the oppression Olympics any time any of us is upset about anything and like.. I reminded him last night that he isn’t the only minority in the apartment and he was pissed
#for context he is a white gay trans man#so I’m not in any way denying that his life is objectively difficult and that there are obstacles that none of us can relate to#but oh my GOD it’s frustrating when any of us are upset about something and he brings up transphobia#like actually- no- you don’t understand what it’s like to be yelled at on the bus by a racist and then feel fear when he follows you off#when the school shooting happened this year I was crying (BECAUSE IM A PUBLIC SCHOOL EDUCATOR) and he started telling me how I was playing#the victim when the real victim was trans people and how I don’t have anything to be afraid of unlike the trans people who are going#to have this spun as a story about how they are all violent bc of T#like.. my brother… kids in my district have died to gun violence THIS YEAR#I had a kid go missing for a week due to gang violence and cried about it#yeah teachers are allowed to be scared and cry over a school shooting even if it was a trans guy who did it#every time I talk about Taylor swift he tells me to shut the fuck up because I’m annoying but he will talk about punk music for literal hour#he makes fun of anything traditionally feminine and I understand a lot of that is his own struggle with gender dysphoria but… c’mon man#anyway last night we were joking about all moving to Idaho bc we were looking at Idaho rent and it’s like $3.50 for a five bedroom house lol#and he butts in- unprompted- that he couldn’t move there because he would have no rights…#like .. ok?? we were joking obviously#but I was being a bitch and said “yeah none of us would except for (cis white male roomate who thought it was funny)#in reference to roe v wade getting overturned#he gets so many any time anyone brings up roe v wade as an example of rights and bodily autonomy being stripped away#and gets mad when any of the cis female roomates talk about it as if it’s not a legitimate concern#oh he’s fine talking all the time about all the states he can’t live in because he’s trans but the second a cis girl reminds him that#we are also losing bodily autonomy he gets angry and insists it’s not the same#you’re right - it’s not the same- but dude you aren’t the only one who has to fear for your rights being removed!!!#like bruh how are you going to look at a mixed race lesbian woman and say I don’t understand oppression#he also gets really pissy when we talk about alcoholism because his father was an alcoholic…. THREE of us had alcoholic fathers who either#died or left or became so physically inept due to alcoholism that they can’t form a complete sentence or thought#but HE gets to be the arbitrator on dad trauma for reasons I guess???#ugh idk it’s just so frustrating#idk idk I’m just frustrated
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welcometogrouchland · 2 years ago
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Okay. Alright. Okay
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foxcassius · 2 years ago
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i have split my self-taught korean lessons into a Morning Block and an Evening Block. classes start monday evening and end friday morning. in the evenings, i do the textbook portion of an entire chapter of this book. takes like 30 mins and then i have to spend forever manually making quizlet flashcards bc this book has no online resources beyond the listenings. then i practice the flashcards a little, sleep, and wake up. in the morning, i practice the flashcards again and then i do the workbook portion of an entire chapter of the book. takes like 30-40 mins. then i usually take a nap. in this way, i am sleeping between almost every Session of my class to ingrain the information on my brain, and am completing 4 chapters per week, which is great because i already know the content of like every single one of these chapters atm and just need to get through them to get to the stuff i dont know. i would say the most valuable asset this book is providing me is the structured vocabulary lists since amassing vocabulary is the hardest part of learning a language, for me. i also think the workbook is deeply useful. i kind of wish there were more workbook pages per chapter. because putting the language to use is the best form of practice. and as such, the thing my self-taught korean lessons is lacking the most is conversation in korean with other humans.
#if i tried to converse with jiwon in korean he would talk too fast he always does idk why he does that.#i understand that i need to get used to how people really talk but i'm literally just starting. chill. slow down.#and i dont want to make him go Teacher Mode bc he's not my teacher and also? i do not vibe with his teaching style#every time he tries to teach me something or answer one of my questions it goes crazy out of hand and i cry idk why#and also yesterday i saw him teaching jenni's class a little and also did not like how he was teaching her#obviously if she likes it that is her business but i would die if that was my class#so anyway. i am thinking of picking up lessons that are purely conversational. like i send the vocabulary lists for the week to#my tutor and then we have slower and easier conversations about the trivial topics in the textbook so i can start to practice#like i guess my thing is if i asked jiwon to have a conversation with me that used month/day negatives locations easy adjectives and verbs#he would 1) use a bunch of conjugations i dont know and then spend 20 mins explaining them to me#and 2) use the tone of voice he uses when he speaks easy korean to me that feels very very pandering and is usually fine#but makes me feel really dumb when he uses it while im trying to study#so i just want to avoid speaking to him in korean until i am fluent basically because i always feel really dumb when i try#i know this is impossible but its still what i want.#t
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depressedtheatrekiddo · 7 days ago
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My teachers don't know I'm making all my projects about Enjolras
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squid-ink-on-toast · 7 days ago
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*folding my hands for prayer*
God…
What the fuck.
#wow! god has hit me with a shit day every day for a week!#hooolllyyy fucking shit#like this sounds comedic but im actually fucking crying rn Jesus Christ#I’ve been in pain for random intervals EVERY SINGLE DAY#and no painkillers are helping and its making me feel so tired#and it’s because my nerves have to heal and they’re sending signals to my brain#so randomly I will feel like I’m getting stabbed and there’s NOTHING I CAN DO#then I break my phone on accident#then I can’t find my apple pencil#then Trump wins the fucking election#and i have to help my friend because he’s trans and dysphoric and his parents are republic#*republican#then I have to deal with my dad being mad#then I have to go to a dermatology appointment where I get judged for picking at my skin and accidentally making it worse#then I go to a parent teacher conference and have to deal with me having a shit memory and struggling because I was out for a month#and before my appointment my mom points out flaws that have been there for a week like their new#then my dad tells me that I make the world good#but that honestly broke me#because I can’t break this act now#I can’t stop#i need help but I will be made fun of if I break so I just have to keep playing#thank god I haven’t had too bad of an intrusive thought this week because I don’t think I could’ve handled it#its so fucking stupid why does this bother me#why does no one care#because seriously I can’t imagine a situation where anyone cares about my stupid problems#im supposed to help#who fucking cares what goes on in my head#because the day I stop being helpful they will abandon me#ill be alone#im gonna die alone
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watercolor-hearts · 14 days ago
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