#what’s that ts song thats like so ill watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep

[buckleysibz]

sometimes i’m normal and sometimes i remember that maddie had to make sure she took the most important and essential items with her when she fled doug. and she took all of buck’s postcards.

[tide-pod-swiftie]

So. This is super random but I was listening to the first TS album and it honestly brought me back.

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I was 9 years old, my room was princess themed handpainted by my mom. It looked like I was the princess in the tower, a castle in the distance. It was very purple, even my cd player was purple. But that’s beside the point.

My mom came home from target one day and showed me the cd (likely having already listened to it because thats what moms do.) she thought I would like it so she picked it up for me to listen to. 9 year old me was only acquainted with Disney and what my mother played on the radio so this was like the biggest thing to me, like I remember feeling super grown up because this was MY cd and to me there was this super pretty girl on the cover that reminded me of a princess with a huge mane of blonde curly hair with butterflies around her. Basically Taylor Swift was already the best thing ever and I hadn’t even turned on my cd player yet.

I didn’t know who Tim McGraw was but I wanted to, my 9 year old self didn’t know what it was like to be so mad at a boy like in Picture to Burn but I knew all the lyrics, A Place in This World became an anthem of mine as I got older and life got hard. Our Song became the kind of love I knew I wanted when grew up.

Taylor quickly became someone for me to look up to.

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Fast forward and im 11 years old. Its 2008 and my mom and I go to target playing Taylor Swift the entire way there, theres a new album my favorite singer has new music and the first thing I do when I get it is put it in the car cd player to listen to on our way home.

And just like that. I had a new love to asipre to, I wanted it to be like Fearless and Love Story, my mom loved The Best Day so much it made her cry. Later on when kids got mean Change joined A Place in This World.

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Then there was the Fearless tour. It was 2010 and we traveled to go see it having missed the show in my hometown for reasons I no longer remember. Mom and I made a it a girls trip. We stayed at the hilton and apparently so did either Taylor herself or somone who worked with her did too because in the parking lot was her tour bus. My mom made me stand in front of it for a photo while I was VERY concerned with disrupting anyone who might be inside (I mean a world tour must be tiring right? I didn’t want to impose.)

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Also 2010, speak now. I had a new love I wanted to find one day in Mine and Enchanted. Long Live and Mean were added to my 13 year old selfs anthums. My mother and I listened to Taylor on her ipod in the car on the way to school.

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Fast forward to 2012 and Im a 15 year old goth kid who has a love for both heavy metal and country as well as a slew of other music. Its no longer ‘cool’ to love Taylor Swift and lucky me, I wasnt cool anyways nor did I want to be. Red came out and it was a totally different sound than what I had ever heard from my favorite singer before, I had met a boy who made me understand picture to burn and 15 (altho ill never admit it out loud) because frankly he sucked and I was way too good for him. But I was dancing around my practically all black room in my all black clothes to State of Grace and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. The Moment I Knew still makes my mother and I sad because no girl should have to feel that way. 22 gave me another new thing to look forward to. Strangely enough I wanted a love a bit like Stay Stay Stay.

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Oh my god it 2015, im 17 turning 18 graduating highschool (still goth. still not cool. Still a Swiftie.) but I’m moving to new york, im making a playlist my life is just about to REALLY begin.

I sit on the plane by my mom, not entirely sure what I have gotten myself into, moving across the country. The year before around the time I decided my future destination 1989 came out and im listening to Welcome To New York on repeat in my seat, mentally prepared for those heartbeats under coats, Shake It Off had long since become another anthum for me along with New Romantics. I havent found love, but I want one like You Are In Love.

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Its 2017, Im still in New York. Its long since become my home Im not always as dramatically dark as I was when I was 15 but its still there. I had JUST made an instagram in December of 2016 because frankly Im still not a fan of social media...but Taylor Swift is on instagram and I still love her. Taylors instagram went dark. I was BEYOND excited feeling my esthetic come out FINALLY people would stop being shocked that I love Taylor because girl is gonna make them all see she’s a powerhouse.

Look What You Made Me Do arrives and I am LIVING this era. Im buying up merch and playing it on repeat. When ticketmaster tells me i can score a place in line by watching videos, I have them playing 24/7 I haven’t been to a TS tour since I was a kid. time was always in my way. NOT THIS TIME! I wouldn’t allow it. My mom and I text endlessly about her new album. Mums favorite is New Years Day and I struggle to choose but land on I Did Something Bad. I want a love like King of My Heart and Delicate. She agrees that yes we should certainly go to the concert together, it’s exactly a month after my 21st birthday and Taylor has always been our thing.

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July 21st, my mom and I go to New Jersy, VIP passes around our necks (her birthday gift to me) im in a snakeskin miniskirt and the concert is POURING rain. Its. Friggin. Magic. Were screaming all the lyrics and dancing around, not even realizing how soaked we are.

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Its 2019 now, Im turning 22 this year, and obviously my birthday playlist holds that song in several places. ME! Has just been released. I joined tumblr this year to theorize with my fellow Swifties and Twitter to get updates from Taylor. I bought something pastel to wear for the first time in years and am slowly figuring out how to add it to my all dark wardrobe.

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I wonder what my 9 year old self would say if she knew that I was here 13 years later informing my mother that we needed to go to another concert. If she knew the girl with all that curly hair on her CD would become her role model through life.

I have never believed in idolizing people because we are human and all make mistakes but Taylor Swift is the closest I have ever gotten to one.

I feel like although there’s an age gap, I grew up with her (mentally) her music in my head for the majority of my life making me want to be a better person and putting a smile on my face.

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This isn’t something she will ever read, hell I would be surprised if anyone ever does because its long af and no one has time for this. But honestly I felt like it was worth putting out there because not many people ever get past simply screaming ‘OMG TAYLOR I LOVE YOU!!’

I just wanted to explain why on the off chance, she or someone else would see it and think ‘huh me too.’ Or put a smile on their face.

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So basically, thank you @taylorswift for helping make me the person I am today and being there for me via song when lifes been hard as I grew up.

I love you not because of the insane theories and crazy detailed performances (although those are fun) but because you never let your fans forget that they are loved and that we all mean the world to you, because you have helped so many young girls find their place in this world.