#what the fuck did all those scooby doo movies do. did they fuck your mom?

[give-grian-rights]

i've gotten dropped into the DC franchise (primarily a handful of animated series) pretty hard, and i just fucking said to my self "god, i think nearly every portrayal of Barry Allen is great, he's literally such a great guy-" and then remembered that the character is currently being played in Cinema by a misogynist with kidnapping allegations

[insideliascrazyhead]

Halloween at Oya High

Summary:Halloween at Oya.Cobra get´s a text from Murayama who left for a short roadtrip to look after Oya and make sure they don´t burn down the school with a crazy Halloween party.When Cobra showes up there he expected a lot,but certainly not this.A group of crazy panicking teens.Screaming about dead friends and death threats,blood and a dead snake pinned to the door with a knife.When then the lock breaks and a little girl asks Cobra to come to play with dead people,he tries not to go crazy too while controling the Oya High students,now locked in like feral caged animals.

Pairings:Yasushi/Shidaken,Cobra/Murayama,Fujio/Tsukasa

Warnings:blood,horror elements,dead bodies kinda

Authors Note:Have fun:)

Each Halloween night Fujio and Tsukasa have their own tradition. They sneak away to their hideout to watch horror movies and eat a ton of candy.This year they sneak into Oya High to celebrate when night falls.They´re seated on their leather couch they dragged inside to the nearest classroom as the thunderstorm started earlier.They found a shitty tv,the screen did break in a corner and the color goes crazy every now and then and yeah even the sound is kinda off but Fujio enthusiastically announces that this will add an extra horror effect.So they fixaded it on a beer crate and searched a sofa table sized kinda furniture that holds all sodas and candy as they watch the movies chosen for this year and have a great time.

Tsukasa puts down his can of soda turning off the tv when they hear a noise other then the screaming of the horror movie from the soon to be dead victim.Speakers that blast a beat to some hip hop music.They exchange a look before heading towards the noise. They kick open the door to the room the music comes from and nearly give Nakagoshi and Nakaoka a heart attack as they both jump back screaming.It was hilarious so they break out laughing at hearing their squeaky screams.“Fujio!What are you doin here?!“Nakagoshi asks as Nakaoka lowers the music.„Horror movie night!Heard some crazy noises and came to investigate“Fujio shruggs.“You?“ „Just finishing a grafitti from earlier.“Tsukasa looks skeptically. “Eh?!You´re literally gonna be here tomorrow.Why sneak in at night for a grafitti?“Tsukasa asks confused.„Oi Sherlock Tsukasa,wanna hear it.Ok.Nakagoshis parents are fighting and my Mom kicked me out for the night,so we throw a two men party.Greatest way to celebrate halloween anyways.“Nakaoka shruggs putting the grafitti can on the nearest table.

That´s when they hear a crash of something heavy.“I swear that shit ain´t on us this time!“Nakaoka defends throwing up his hands in defeat.“Let´s check it out!“Fujio anounces enthusiastically.„Yeah great let´s go play Scooby Doo.“Tsukasa shruggs.The leave and search for the source of the crashing and breaking sounds that doen´s necessarily seem to stop,so it´s easily found.When Fujio throws open the door to the Yasu-Kiyo faction classroom,they see Kiyoshi,breaking bottles and kicking around furniture in a fit or anger.Meanwhile Tsukasa ignores the creepy shadow that seems to dissapear at the end of the hallway behind a corner.

„Oi Kiyoshi!“Fujio exclaims loudly as the others head snaps towards them.“The fuck are yall doin here?!Ain´t got nothing else to do?!“He growls,trying to sound threatening but sounds more exhausted then that.“Celebrating halloween.Where´s Yasushi?! Thought the Crazy Duo is unseperable?“Tsukasa responds.Kiyoshi grumbles something in defeat they can´t quite make out.Exept for Nakaoka who breaks out laughing.“Yasushi´s on a date?!Hilarious!So you´re angry because your collegue get´s choochie and you don´t?!“He teases,tears from laughter streaming down his face by now.„Lucky Bastard eh?!“Fujio smiles.That´s when the door opens again to reveal Todoroki,Shibaman and Tsuji.

„Oh no I found monsters in our school!Their hideous!“Tsuji exclaims towards Shibaman.„Those creepy crawlers gotta come out at night eventually!“Shibaman chuckles.„Very ugly creatures indeed.How do we get the honor of a nightly visit?!“Todoroki smirks.As if he owns the school.Dickhead.Kiyoshi thinks bitterly.„Oi!Same question goes to you and your two lackies“Tsukasa states.Hearing a angry scoff behind him,Todoroki lifts his hands to stop Tsuji and Shibaman dead in their tracks„Nosy,nosy,nosy...“ Todoroki shakes his head,pretending to be dissapointed.

„Shiba´s sister got her lover over,nobody wants to see that shit,so after recoloring our hair we dipped when the storm started.Easy.“Tsuji explains rolling his eyes when Shibaman elbows him in the ribs.They hear the entrence door slam shut and a squeal out in the hall.Jamuo,looking like a wet rat,drenched in rain comes in the room.“Sorry!Missed the subway,then the one after that too!“ Tsukasa rolls his eyes,smiling fondly.“I swear the entrence slamming shut wasn´t me tho!“He throws his hands up in defeat looking around as if one of the others could explain it.

„I saw some kinda shadow earlier,might be that guy.“Tsukasa shruggs and Fujio and Jamuo´s head snap fast enough for a whiplash.“Eehhh?!“Todorkoi shakes his head.“Takajo Tsukasa the horror blonde cliche´.“He chuckles.“Yeah?!Then let´s be more cliche´.We go and check it out.“Tsukasa challanges,heading out the door.“Tsukasa!“Fujio exlaims following him.One after the other swears and follows the two.

„So crazy story someone did break the lock.“Fujio snickers nervously,scratching his neck.“The thunderstorm got worse Fujio,the strong ass wind probably knocked the door shut heavy enough to break it.“Todoroki explains.Tsukasa looks around when he sees another shadow,thinner and smaller then the other.He runs towards it but the shadow seems to have disspeared.He turns towards the others.“I swear he was right here!“He exclaims pointing where the shadow dissapeared.That´s when they hear a creeking door and a crazy laugh.“Oooh hell nah!I´m outta here!“Nakaoka is the first to exclaims,slight panic in his voice.“Yeah man let´s fucking dip!“Tsuji adds.“Wanna kick in the metal door?!The be my fucking guest.“Nakagoshi points out.“Where the windows all barricaded with wood before tonight?“Fujio asks confused.“Isn´t ther this window shattered into a thousand pieces or something?!The one Yasushi kicked in when we got drunk.“Kiyoshi exclaims.“Yeah?! that´s great!Where is it?“Fujio asks eyes big.They don´t wanna hear the answer that Kiyoshi will give them but fuck this shit.„Basement.“He grumbles.“I hate you!“Nakaoka screams at him.„I don´t wanna fucking die here,c´mon!We´re leaving!“Jamuo urges.So they all head towards the basement.

They reach the window Kiyoshi was speaking about and it´s nailed shut.“Motherfucker!“Shibaman exclaims kicking a table.„Oi!“A scream comes from the shadows and Oya High screams.The two shadows break out laughing and step into the light to reveal Odajima and Sachio?!“Heya!“Odajima waves.“Now for those two is no explenation why they should be here though!“ Fujio calls out.“We´re searching Shidaken.“Odajima explains and Todoroki chuckles.“Entertain us.Why would Shidaken be here at Oya High in the middle of the night?“Tsukasa raises an eyebrow.

„We loacated Shidakens phone here.After the shit with Amagai,we downlaoded this app for emergencies.He didn´t show up earlier and we can´t reach him.“Sachio explains.Tsukasa nodds,great idea,the only one that got beaten worse then him in this whole escalation with Amagai was Shidaken after all.It´s Jamuo who freaks out first.“Shidaken´s dead!We´re gonna find his head!“He squeaks.“What´s wrong with you?!“Sachio asks him shocked.„To explain and probably early deescalate,we had one or two creepy encounters earlier that we can´t explain.We´re also kinda stuck here because the lock did break off and windows are suddenly nailes shut.“Fujio explains smiling through his nervousness.“Eh?!“The two Housen members knew it wasn´t a great idea to show up here.“Let´s just all head back towards the classroom,realx and find a solution.We´re gonna call someone who will open the damn lock from the outside but there´s no reception in a basement.“Todoroki explains calmly.

Sachio shakes his head,Odajima rolls his eyes but they all end up heading back towards the Yasu-Kiyo classroom.A new grafitti on the chalkboard makes them stop dead in their tracks.It´s blood red and smeared all across is;Entertain me with your fears.Run and scream but you can´t escape.“That´s some quesationable decoration even for the crazy duo.“Odajima states,leaning his head towards the side and crossing his arms.“Not the time for art critisism dude!“Nakaoka exclaims.“That shit wasn´t there when we were leaving for the fucking basement!“Kiyoshi yells.„Great.“Tsukasa groans.“We gotta find a solution outta here.“Todoroki shakes his head,taking out his phone.“No cell service.The thunderstorm.“He sighs heavily.“We break the door open.We´re like twelve guys.“Fujio says enthusiastically.„We´re not alone here Fujio!“Nakagoshi urges.“Yeah something´s wrong here man.“Shibaman says.„We´re not leaving without Shidaken.“Sachio exclaims and Odajima nodds.

„It could be a serial killer.“Jamuo says dramatically and the color dissapears from his face.“No.“Todoroki simly cuts off his mental breakdown.“There are no serial killers sneaking around in high schools.Especially not in the shitty delinquent ones where nearly everyone carries their own weapons.“Tsuji explains and Shibaman hits Jamuo over the head.“Oh yeah?!There´s no escape.Shadows with crazy laugh sneaking around and Shidaken is apparently in our school in the dear night.Then the bloody threat!“Jamuo screams his throat raw at this point.“It´s halloween man.The night where the border of the living and the dead smears together.“Nakagoshi says,haunted look in his eyes.“Don´t be crazy we´re just gonna break open the door and leave there will be some tools lying around here.“Tsukasa says going towards the closed door when Jamuo throws himself infront of his friend.

“If you wanna make it easier for the killer then be my freaking guest!“He screams eagerly throwing the door open and a guy stands infront of the door in the shadows of the hallway.Damn this shitty school and their broken lightbulbs.They scream loudly and the shadow steps into the room to reveal Cobra?!What in the Scooby-Doo shit is going on at Oya High?!As they all scream Fujio jumps onto Tsukasa clinging onto his friend for dear life.Jamuo jumps behind Shiba and Tsuji.The only one not screaming or clinging desperate to his co leader is Todoroki who breaks out laughing at the sight of Fujio.“Oya High´s leaeder everyone!“Cobra looks like his heads about to explode when he screams for them to shut up.“Oi!I nearly pissed myself!“Fujio exclaims grumply climbing down from Tsukasa.“Cobra-san what are you doin here?!“Tsukasa asks.“Murayama asked me to check if you throw a party and burn down Oya while he´s on a roadtrip with Furuya and Seki!“

That´s when there´s another crash followed by a crazy histerical laugh and a scream.„Nooo,uhuh,yeah nope.I´m outta here!“Cobra exclaims trying to run off but is stopped dead in his tracks by Jamuo´s dramatic scream.“We´re all gonna die!“The kid is borderlining on histerical by now.“So we´re all dead?!Would someone explain what the fuck is wrong with you lunatics?!How would you come to that conclusion,c´mon crazy kid,entertain me.“Cobra says as he turns towards Jamuo,rolling his eyes. „There´s some crazy shit happening tonigh.Some shadow sneaking around lock broken,windows nailed shut!“Fujio explains.“We gotta follow the horror movie rules!Then search a way outta here.Escape the psychopathic killer that killed Shidaken!“Jamuo screams eagerly.Cobra stared at Fujio like he grew a second head.“Someone´s fucking dead?!Why don´t you fucking lead with that?!“Cobra screams angrily.„No!“Tsukasa interrupts.“No one´s dead!“Cobra freaking out is the last thing they need.„We localeted Shidakens phone here at Oya High after we couldn´t contact him.Now we just havent´found him yet and there´s some weird shit happening„Sachio explains not wanting to risk any kinda confrontaition with Sannoh´s leader.“Yeah last time I couldn´t reach him he was nearly beaten to death!“Odajima adds.Cobra nodds understandingly.“Soo just to be sure because you know halloween night where living and dead can cross borders freely because their kinda smeared we wanna be sure to follow the horror movie rules.“Nakaoka adds.“So drama kid,rules?“Cobra turns towards Jamuo.

„Yeah!So,virgins have a great survival rate!Don´t do anything sexual whatsoever!“He eagerly explains.„Noo.That would be like fucking my brother i aint ever fucking my brother.“Nakaoka shudders.„Great thanks for establishing that.“Todoroki says sacasm dripping from his voice.As a great shock for everyone it´s Sachio who speaks up.„I´m dead.“He nearly whispers in denial.„I`m gonna die too.Gonna join me in death Todoroki<3?“Odajima teases,leaning closer and innocently blinking at his boyfriend,who tries to hide a smirk.

„Oh yeah I´m a goner.“Tsuji shrugs,chuckling.“Oi!At least I ain´t dying alone!“He then hits Shibaman in the shoulder.“You´re a dead man walking dude!“He laughs.“Take it serious!“Jamuo squeaks.„Oi!At least my ass is safe take that Yasushi!“Kiyoshi screams in extacy.„We´re dead but not Yasu-Kiyo?!C´mon!Where´s Yasushi anyways?“Todoroki asks.„With lover boy.“ „I´m soo dead.“Cobra exclaims offended.All heads turn towards him with a puzzled expression.“Congratulations playboy!You get a shit ton more action then me.Why not scream it out.Manslut.“ Cobra´s deathglare towards Kiyoshi is legendary.“I swear that came out wrong!I´m not slut-shaming.I´m slut encouraging!I´m not judging,I´m jealous.“Cobra shakes his head.„Murayama´s dick.The death sentance.“Fujio leans towards Tsukasa chuckling until Cobra hits him over the head.„Shidaken´s dead!“Nakaoka exclaims.Odajima breaks out laughing.„Eyy!Goo Shidaken!“He exclaims.Tsukasa shakes his head with a heavy sigh,leaving without the others noticing.

„We can´t celebrate that Shidaken got lucky“Fujio states and Todoroki shakes his head highly amused by that lunatic behavior.“We gotta find a solution“Todoroki states,„Yeah I´m just gonna be seatet right here waiting for any great ideas.“Sachio says. „I got one!“Jamuo screams.“Oh yeah?!Then let´s hear it.“ „Follow the goddamn horror movie rules!“Jamuos screams turn higher.“Bullshit.“

„Oiii that´s for the straights Jamuo!“Odajima exclaims loudly scaring the shit out of Sachio.“The gay survival rate is great!You´re gonna die in the sequel tho...“Jamuo seems the desperatly think of a possible answer.“Don´t be so meta.“Tsuji laughs.“Don´t we still have some liquor from the last party?!“Kiyoshi grumbles searching.He triumphantly holds up a nearly empty bottle of Tequila.When Cobra snatches the bottle,hitting Kiyoshi over the head,who growls threatingly.Cobra doesn´t flinch whatsoever. „Don´t do drugs kids.“He says as he flicks down the cap and takes a big swing Tequila.“I won´t do this shit sober.I´m dead anyways“His voice drips with venom and sarcasm as he takes another sip.Heavily conemplaining if Oya High puts lsd in their air wents or some similar crazy shit.He get´s seated,throwing his legs up on the table,leaning back.“So?!Now I wanna hear the other horror rules that shits hella entertaining.“

„Don´t split up!Don´t say i´ll be right back,because you won´t be!The lone survivor will be the only one back for you funeral!“He continues.“Great,Imma take a leak I´ll be right back!“Tsuji says and Shibaman laughs.„Why wouldn´t you listen?!Tsukasa!“He screams eyes searching wildly for his friend.“TSUKASA!“The door opens and Tsukasa,completly relaxed returns.“What?!I went to take a piss.When you wanna tag along next time to entertain me or wanna help me you lunatic then be my guest.“ „Just piss into a empty glass bottle man.“Kiyoshi smiles evily eyeing Cobra.Revenge is sweet.“That´s what Yasushi and I do with the empty Tequila bottles.“He lies.

Cobra who was mid-taking a huge swing of tequila stops dead in his tracks.Eyes nearly jumping out of his head.Choking brutally on the tequila,coughing and gasping for breath as the others look morified at the revelation on what Cobra might´ve drank.Kiyoshi breaks out,howling with laughter.“I´m joking!That´s tequila!“He wheezes.When the tequila bottle misses his head by an inch.„Now we´re all gonna relax,no one forces any bodily fluids in bottles,especially non Cobra-san drinks out of.“Fujio chuckles.„Tsukasa have you seen the creepy shadows again?!“Tsukasa shakes his head.„Nah,didn´t see nobody.But still kinda creepy yo.“Jamuo sneaks closer,trying to seem threatenining.„Why creepy why on the ever loving piece of shit earth would you say creepy?!“He squeaks.„You will all push the laws then you will be dead!“Jamuo screams histerically and cobra hits him over the head before getting seated on the table.“Shouldn´t you protect the night with your S.W.O.R.D wannabe vigilante shit?!“Kiyoshi asks.„No that´s on the others tonight.Also against popular belive I have a fucking life too man.So now I´m stuck here,with great entertainment and the honor of babysitting a bunch of histerical teens that think I´m gonna die.“Cobra grumbles.

„And you´re crazy rant doesn´t necessarily makes sense tho.“Todoroki turns towards Jamuo.„It makes sense when you watch a ton horror movies!“Fujio adds.„Yeah,I´m a pussy.I´m not watching that.Where´s Yasuhsi when you need him?!“Jamuo groans.„For what`!To throw him at the killer to run and escape?“Tsukasa laughs.“Or Yasushi´s the killer!“Jamuo screams.„Oi!Jamuo!“Kiyoshi screams as a warning.„Where is he then?!You two are always together!Now he´s with his love sacrificing a human somewhere!“He explains with a ton of confidence.„Not funny Jamuo!“Kiyoshi gets louder.„Hilarious,actually.“Fujio snickers and Tsukasa nodds.“YASUSHI`S HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES!“Jamuo is scared of Yasushi on a normal day,now it´s escalating.„It´s gotta be a halloween prank or what?!You´re gonna believe there´s a psycho killer on the loose?!Ridiculus.We´re dead ass 13 fucking people if we including the grown ass man that lead a biker gang.Nothing is gonna happen!Nobody is even dead jet.“Todoroki scoffs.„I don´t wanna end in a horror movie!“Tsuji whines.“I don´t wanna cut of my body parts!Please don´t let us be in Saw!“ Nakaoka groans.A heavy thud against the door makes them all stop dead in their tracks.Cobra´s head snaps towards the noise.

He hesitantly get´s up and throws open the door stepping out in the hallway,that´s meanwhile dark and empty.“C-Cobra-san!“Jamuo screams when he turns around the younger one points towards the door.There´s a knife jammed door,fixaded with the blade to the wood is a toy snake,a cobra.Blood smeared all over.Then a creepy little girls voice comes from the speakers;“Cobra come and play with me<3.We´re all dead here,we can play togehter it´s gonna be a party!“He growls turning towards the horrified teens.He rips the knife out if the snake.“We´re leaving!“He grumbles.„I´m gonna rude boy my way of the roof if it´s necessary but instead we search that damn exit in the basement and kick it down.Party is over.“He´s leaving and learns after two steps their hesitation.He sticks his head in the door way.“C´mon!Write a letter to your loved ones and lets hustle!“He exlaims.The others swear and curse under their breath following Cobra.

They head towards the basement and hear a woman screaming in one of the old storage rooms.They stop dead in their tracks infront of the door.Whispering and fighting who should open the door.Cobra kicks open the door to get punched in the face.The room is pitch black exept the colors flickering from a old tv.He has no idea who punched him but he throws one right back,ending up cobra-twisting whoever punched him.“Oi!“The guy screams.That´s when Fujio hesitatntly turns on the lights to reveal Cobra fighting Yasushi.“Uncobra-twist me blondie!“He growls as he bites Cobra,who let´s Yasushi go with a squeak.The little rat did even break his damn skin.“That´s not a monster its our monster!“Fujio breaks out laughing and Jamuo points towards the old couch.„Yasushi killed Shidaken.“Shidaken who was sleeping peacefully with his head leaning backwards on the couch now wakes up grumpily.“What the fuck?!“He sleepily asks,rubbing his eyes. “Shidaken?!You´re not dead?!“Jamuo yells and Shidaken rolls his eyes pretending to check his pulse.“Not dead,now again.What the fuck?!“

„Great left hook.“Cobra admits holding his bruising jaw.“Yeah?!My right one´s even better.“Yasushi grumbles.“How the fuck did we forget that Yasushi´s lover boy is Shidaken?!“Odajima exclaims laughing.He looks towards Yasushi seeing he wears Shidakens sweater jacket.“Domestic bitches.“He leans towards Sachio who tries to hide a smirk.„I can´t even eat the amount this makes me wanna vomit.“Kiyoshi grumbles.“Yo!What is wrong with you?!“Nakaoka exclaims disgusted as Shibaman dry heaves and Tsuji turns away from the Tv.“What are you watching,getting inspiration for the next fight?!That´s crazy!“Fujio stares at the Tv.„I had no idea that´s physical possible.“Todoroki nodds.„I will get soo many nightmares.“Fujio says.„Yeah I an´t gonna sleep alone the next few week,“Shibaman mumbles.„Great your sister can scoot over im coming too!“Tsuji agrees.„I gotta bleach my eyes.“Tsukasa groans.“What I love this clown!“Yasushi defends.

„So the crazy screams earlier in the hallway....Did you and Shidaken...“Fujio asks.„What in the fifty shades of grey,BDSM,kinky shit would Shidaken need to do,so Yasushi would scream like that?!“Cobra exclaims.Tsukasa breaks out laughing.„Not gonna lie Yasushi loves to scream for entertainment alone.“Fujio smirks when Odajima then turns towards Yasushi.„Heya,uhm short question!Why you gotta sneak around with Shidaken tho?“He asks leaning towards them with a shit eating grin.“Yeah!Great question!“Fujio nodds eagerly.“Sneaking around like that is crazy even for you man.“Tsukasa shakes his head.

„So,we clearly see what,or sorry,who´s gotten into you but why Shidaken?!“Odajima snickers into his sweater.“Not helping Odajima.“Todoroki scolds.Odajima sees the colors of Shidaken and Yasushi´s face change into red.“I bet Yasushi is one kinky bitch man.“Tsuji says and Shibaman nodds in agrement.Odajima leans closer.“I´m not mistaken then?Neat!So,how was it?!“He asks a emberassed Yasushi.The others break out laughing and Yasushi turns around hiding his face in Shidakens shoulder.“Kill me dead this time.Right there.C´mon please.“Yasushi groans towards Shidaken poiting at his temple and Todoroki scoffs again.“I wanna have the tea Todoroki.I love it that´s a juicy story!“He defends hitting his boyfriend with the sleeve of his sweater.„It´s not juicy it´s fruity.“Nakaoka snickers.“Fruity as fuck.“Nakagoshi barks out a laugh.

„What the fuck are you all doing here anyways?!“Shidaken asks. He deseratly takes anything,to distract from his sexlife.“At least we weren´t bonding with a former enemy we beat the shit out of to the extend of reopened stiches on the head.“Kiysohi grumles still bitter.“Boning not bonding Kiyoshi.“Nakaoka chuckles.„Whatever I don´t wanna see that in my head.“Kiyoshi says.„Also theres a difference between bonding and bondage.“Tsukasa snickers.„MOVING ON!So what´s with the crazy meetup?!“

„We all have some crazy luck to all come here for a different reason,end up meeting.Then creepy shit happened,shadows,the lock breaking,nailed shut windows,screams and crazy laughing. Until there was a bloody death threat on the chalkboard.They located Shidakens phone here,we thought you killed him.Then a knife and a dead snake in the door and a creepy girl inviting Cobra over the speakers to come and play with her because they all can be dead together and that´s a party.“Fujio breaks it down for Yasushi and Shidaken.“So he´s gonna put the fun in funeral?!Great“Yasushi asks confused.

„Yeah?!Then in this situation,it´s every hoe for themselfes!“ Shidaken exclaims throwing his hands up in defeat.“Are you crazy?!Nah.We´re like nuns now!We travel in pack!Did yall lost what´s left of your minds?How did yall forget we can kick ass?!Even cobra-twist the shit outta me can kick ass!“Yasushi screams enraged.He had a great night until these lunatics showed up,saying he deadass killed Shidaken?!„Please behave like a normal human being for at least once....“Tsukasa explains shaking his head, grimacing and pinching the bridge of his nose.„Great a grown ass man,leading a gang then running with this brainless shit?Are you all crazy,you dumb fucking pissheads?!“Yasushi continues to screaming his throat raw.

„There was a bloody death threat on the chalkboard!“Fujio defends angrily pointing towards the closed door.“No ones dead yet.“Cobra says being ingnored.„Yeah not because Oya High´s non existend teachers run outta chalk easily with all the teaching.That´s hella shady.“ Nakaoka adds.„It was deadass the voice of a little girl too!“Shibaman defends.„Yeah but the screams weren´t man!“Tsuji exclaims towards his friend. Todoroki loves to see this unfold,thinks there´s an explanation,no one will end up dead but that´s still entertaining as fuck.“So a deranged killer kid?!The what´s the issue?!Kick it!Oh what you gonna tell me you ain´t gonna fight a crazy killer kid?!“Yasushi asks.„No I wouldn´ kick a kid.“Tsukasa sounds so dissapointed.„Yeah bohoo!Congratulaitons on being a peace loving hippie Tsukasa!I would kick it.Kids are just sperms that you grow into a pet anyways.“ Yasushi yells.„Oi!Non of yall dumbasses ever seen Orphan?!The little girl was a 33 year old psycho,murking off her entire family!It´s not an excuse when you look physically like a kid.You can still be a bloodthirsty luantic!“Odajima adds putting himself on team kick a kid.

„I will play soccer with that kids head if it´s a grown ass killer!“Shibaman defends.“C´mon horror freak!“Tsuji adds towards Yasushi.“What do you think about it?!“He urges as they hear a giggle over the speakers.„They create fear and make us crazy,so we fight each other and seperate.Then they can kill for example our soon to be first victim Cobra.The dramatic first kill of the blond hot guy.“Yasushi explains.“Why the fuck me?!“ „The hot blonde dies normally first.Scream for example and sorry Tsukasa but the only one who loves your kicked puppy look is Fujio,so the lead goes to Cobra.“Yasushi shruggs.“THe opening kills goes towards you!“Tsukasa groans as he jumps Yasushi choking him.“He´s trying to kiss me!“Yasushi squeaks as the others break out laughing,as he´s trying to escape Tuskasas grip that goes thighter.Fujio your boy toy is cheating!Fucking help me.C´mon Tsukasa it´s a joke not a dick,don´t take it to hard!“Tsukasa let´s go of Yasushi and punches him in the face.“It´s a punch not a dick don´t take it to hard.“

That´s when music comes out of the speakers.A damn creepy children song.--Starting with a piano.I know,you belong to somebody new,but tonight you belong to me.Although we´re apart,you´re part of heart.And tonight you belong to me.-- „Oi Cobra-san!I think that they mean you!“Odajima says.„Yeah.C´mon Scooby Doo.Let´s do it then!Search for the source of the music and the little girls voice then.“Cobra groans.„100 bucks if we leave Yasushi here.“Tsukasa adds but is being hit in the shoulder by Yasushi and over the head by Kiyoshi.Cobra throws open the door to reveal a shadow in the distance.He shuts the door in a heartbeat.„Ohhh hell the fuck nah.We need an adult!“Cobra exclaims.Tsukasa snorts as Fujio explains.“Cobra-san,I don´t wanna be the one to break the news to you,but you´re the adult!“Cobra turns towards Fujio.“No!I mean a competend one!“Cobra yells.Shidaken shoves him towards the door.

„Did you broken condom really push me towards the door?!“He growls angrily.„Imma push yall towards the killer cause unlike you meatheads I`m not defending, I`m not fighting,I´m running!“He says pointing at everyone.„Your mom should´ve swallowed you!“Cobra snaps.“Yo!We lure them in and execute them!Roll credits,movie over,get out of the fucking theatre!“Cobra anounces.“There´s the hallway with a door on each end infront of the Yasu-Kiyo classroom.“Todoroki offers.“Great!On each door there will be two of you waiting.Take the shortcut.“Tsukasa adds.Shibaman and Tsuji,Nakaoka and Nakagoshi leave towards the doors.„The rest get creative,crazy and and lure them there somehow.“

One of the guys throws a severed head at Cobra who kicks it back after realising its silicone and gummi.A ridiculus halloween prank.Cobra´s blood boils with anger as he takes the knife and attacks the guy.With team efford and nearly stress vomiting the manage to trap all three guys wearing all black and clowns masks in the hallway. Nowhere a little girl found.Cobra rips the mask of one of them to reveal Murayama.“Heya Cobra-chan<3!“He snickers.Cobra breaks out laughing as he cobra-twists Murayama,throwing Seki and Furuya who turned out to be Murayama´s little helpers a deathglare.“Sorry Cobra-chan.“Murayama mumbles. “What?!“ Cobra teases thightening the grip.“I´m sorry Cobra!“Yell Murayama,Seki and Furuya at the same time now.

[generic-whumperz]

What was your whump awakening?

Oh fuck where do I begin? 😅

Honestly, it’s hard to say since I don’t think I ever had a definitive moment, but more so a culmination of things. So here’s a list of my earliest memories of getting whumperflies in no particular order:

Around Christmas time I remember watching those stop-clay animation movies like Rudolph and Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town on VHS tapes. I remember seeing a Passion of The Christ preview before the movie started, and I remember being absolutely transfixed by bloody Jesus in the trailer and turning to my mom and saying “I want to watch that!” I did not come from a religious household nor was that age-appropriate for 5 years old me, so my mom was like “wtf, absolutely not!” Only recently did I unlock this memory when my partner showed me the Passion of Christ whipping scene- a snippet he promptly pulled up on YouTube once I told him that I was into this whump stuff.

In 4-5th grade I was REALLY into A Series of Unfortunate Events and read all the books. I now know that was a telltale sign of being a whumper.

My dad let me and my younger brother watch rated-R movies (as long as they weren’t R because of sexual stuff). So I was watching Terminator, Rambo, Predator, Saving Private Ryan, Mad Max Thunderdome, Braveheart, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original version), Jeepers Creepers, etc. before I probably should have been?

Scooby Doo was my FAVORITE cartoon as a kid.

Um, Courage the Cowardly Dog!

Goonies & Stand By Me were childhood staples.

Monster House had be in an absolute chokehold.

Was literally obsessed with Indiana Jones and wanted to be a Nazi-fighting archaeologist.

Became a Hannibal Lector stan at the tender age of 12.

Was very into Hunger Games.

BRAM STROKER’S DRACULA & From Dusk Till Dawn really did something to me.

I became a diehard Quentin Tarantino fan at 11.

That was more than I expected to dump, but I think that was all the formative stuff from ages 5ish-13!

[rowyn-writes]

A Mother's Love (Dean x Wife!Reader)

Warnings: Language, fluff, major angst, implications of divorce, arguing, Dean being mean to Jack

Pairings: Dean x Wife!Reader

Characters: Dean, Jack, Sam, Reader, Cas (mentioned only)

Word count: 2.7k

You threw your bag down as you entered the bunker, exhausted from your last hunt. This was one of the rare cases where you worked alone.

Sometimes you needed the time to yourself, away from all the men. Sometimes you would go hunting with Jody and Claire, but even then, those two argued like cats and dogs.

"Y/N," Jack smiled as you entered the kitchen. "How was the hunt?"

"It was pretty good, actually." You grinned as you sat across from him. "I was chasing down this werewolf in Tennessee, and it was really strange. He'd kill one person, turn the next, and repeat that cycle."

"That's. . . Weird." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"That's what I said. Well," You continued on with the story of your hunt, watching as Jack's eyes widened in amazement and awe.

"Y/N?" Dean called your name, entering the kitchen. "Hey, sweetheart. I didn't know you were home?"

You stood up, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Sorry, babe. I got sidetracked. I was just telling Jack about my trip." You smiled, looking over at the boy. You were concerned, as the smile fell from his face and he looked away from you and Dean. "You okay, kid?"

"Yeah," He nodded, not meeting your eye. "I'll give you two some space." He mumbled as he walked out of the kitchen.

"Does he seem off to you?" You asked Dean.

"Nah, he acts like he usually does. Squirrelly and weird."

"Says the squirrel himself." You rolled your eyes. "Did something happen while I was gone?"

Dean said nothing as he looked down, an obvious indicator that he was guilty of something. "Dean," You growled lowly. "Did you say something to Jack? Something that would upset him somehow?"

When Dean didn't give you an answer, you shook your head as you follow Jack to his room.

"Jack." You called out. He seemed to be lost in thought, as he didn't react to your words. "Jack!" You said louder, causing him to turn around. There was a tiny amount of fear in his eyes. If you didn't know him, it wouldn't have affected you.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, resting your hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing." He spoke. "Why would anything be wrong?"

"Jack, I saw how you reacted when Dean came in. You looked like a kicked puppy. Don't tell me it's nothing, kiddo."

In the time you had known Jack, you had grown to care for him deeply. You had always wanted kids, but in this life, it wasn't possible. Well, it was, but you knew you didn't want your children to do what you do. So when Jack was born, you felt extremely happy because it felt like you finally had a child. Albeit, he did look twenty.

"Dean doesn't like me very much." He admitted.

"I'm sure that's not true. . ." You argued weakly. In all honesty, you didn't think Dean liked Jack either. It's not like he was abusive, but he did treat him differently than everyone else.

"But it is, Y/N."

"How do you know, Jack? With Dean, it takes him time to warm up to people. It took him months to actually trust me. He's a cautious person."

"Did he threaten you too?" Jack asked, genuinely curious. His head was tilted to the side, his honey blonde hair falling into his eyes. He had gotten that head tilt from Cas.

"Dean. . . Threatened you?" You whispered hoarsely.

"Yes," He nodded. "He told me if I hurt you or Sam, or anyone, that he would be the one to hunt me down and kill me."

Your mouth popped open in horror. You could never imagine your sweet, loveable, goofy Dean threatening Jack. "What else did he say, Jack? Did he say anything prior to this?"

"He said that he doesn't think that I can be saved. He said that even though you and Sam think that I can, that he doesn't."

"Jack, you don't need to be saved. There is no saving to do. You are a good kid. You would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. I'm so sorry. I should have been there." You sigh.

"He's not wrong, Y/N. I can't be saved. What if I turn out like my father, my real father."

You frowned as you cupped his face in your hands. "Jack, you are nothing, and I mean nothing, like Lucifer. You are just like your mother. You are sweet, caring, and you are empathetic. Just like Kelly."

"You really believe that?" He whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

"No, I don't believe it, Jack. I know it. You are nothing like Lucifer. If anything, you are much more like Castiel."

"Really?" He smiled.

"Yeah," You nodded. "You see, I don't know if you know this, but Cas does this little thing where he tilts his head to the side if he doesn't understand something or if he's perplexed. And I noticed that you do the same thing." Jack's smile widened as you removed your hands from his face. "And neither of you have any knowledge of pop culture. Even though Cas was here for a lot longer than you, he never understood a single reference any of us made. Even if it was something like Scooby Doo." You giggled, feeling your throat tightening at the thought of your dead friend. "And you two state the obvious a lot. Not in a bad way, more in a comedic way. It lightens the mood nearly every time. Cas would rarely smile. When I asked him why, he would say that the world was going to hell and he didn't have anything to smile about. But when he did smile, it would make everyone else smile with him. The same goes for you. Just seeing that little toothy grin of yours makes me smile. I mean hell, you two even look a lot alike."

"Could you tell me more about him?" Jack asked.

"Of course, but I have something to take care of first. Then you and I will cuddle up and watch a movie and I'll tell you everything you want to know about Cas, okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." He spoke. "Before you go, could I ask you something?" You nodded. "If I were to have a mother figure, and I called her mom, do you think my mother would be upset?"

"No, sweetheart, I don't think she would be upset. I think that she would be happy that there's someone down here taking care of you and you feel comfortable enough to call them mom." You said, completely oblivious as to what Jack was suggesting.

"Then. . . Could I call you mom?"

You felt the air leave your lungs as his words hit you like a truck. Jack watched as tears welled up in your eyes. Jack was horrified; he had never meant to make you cry. "Yo-you want to call me m-mom?" You stammer.

"If you're not comfortable with it I understand. I'm sorry, Y/N, I-"

You cut him off with a tight embrace. "Of course you can call me mom." You whisper, squeezing the boy tightly.

"Why are you crying?" He questioned.

"These are happy tears, Jack. I'm not upset. It's just. . . I never thought that I would have children, but then you came along, and you gave me what I wanted. You gave me a chance to be a mother."

"Thank you for being here for me, mom."

You gave Jack a huge smile as you pulled away. "Okay," You said, putting a hand on his arm. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to deal with my ass of a husband."

---

"Dean Winchester," You boomed, roaming around the bunker in search for your husband.

"Ooooh, you're in trouble." You hear Sam snicker.

"But I didn't do anything. Wait, what day is it?" Dean asked frantically.

"April ninth." Sam quipped.

"Okay, no birthday, no anniversary, so there's that."

You entered The Dean Cave, as Dean called it, seeing red. "What the hell, Winchester." You growled. "Sam, out. Now."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Sam said, grabbing his bowl of popcorn and walking out of the room.

"Yes, darling, sweetheart, love of my life. What can I do for you?" Dean spoke sweetly, giving you those stupid, green doe eyes.

"Jack told me." You said simply. "He told me what you said to him. That if it comes down to killing him, that you would be the one to do it. That there was no saving him."

"Y/N, you have to understand where I'm coming from." He tried to reason with you. "You should have seen him. He was stabbing himself with a knife! And it closed up like it was nothing! It's not  normal. He's not normal."

"And?! None of us are normal, Dean. We've all died and came back to life. Sam didn't have a soul, he was hooked on demon blood, yet you were still there for him. You still believed in him. You died and became a demon, you bore the Mark of Cain and had a thing for God's friggin sister! And I still loved you through it. I have been brainwashed and manipulated into hurting all of you, and you still forgave me! Cas betrayed us, and we were still there for him. None of us are fucking normal! So what the hell, Dean? You're holding a grudge against Jack just because of who his dad is?"

"His father is Lucifer, Y/N!"

"Well that's stating the goddamn obvious!" You yelled.

"He could turn on us at any moment! We don't know this kid. We don't know what he can do."

"So we learn, Dean! We should help him figure out his way. Guide him in the right direction. Show him what a true, loving family looks like!"

"We are not his family, Y/N! And he's not our family. He never will be." Dean argued.

You flinched back, glaring at Dean. "How dare you! You son of a bitch! Whether you believe it or not, Jack is family. To me and to Sam. We care about him and love him!"

"He doesn't even know what love means!"

"Yes, he does! Because he feels things, Dean. He cares. He cares about all of us, including you. You know, he asked me if he could call me mom today. Did you know that? He trusts me and cares for me so much that he sees me as a mother figure."

"He's got you brainwashed, Y/N! Can't you see that?!"

"If he looked like his actual age, would you be acting like this?"

"What kind of question is that." He scoffed.

"If Jack looked four months old instead of twenty, would you still be treating him like this?" You asked steadily. Dean remained silent. "See! He is four months old, no matter how old he looks, he's still a baby."

"So, what, you want me to change his diaper or some shit?"

"No! I want you to treat him like a human being!" You yelled.

"But he's not human!"

You and Dean stood your ground, neither of you letting up. "Fine. I'm leaving then. And I'm taking Jack with me."

"No, you're not."

"Fucking watch me, Dean. I can't even look at you right now. Because you are not the man I married. That man was compassionate and caring. This one isn't. And until he comes back, I'm staying away." You cried.

Before Dean could get another word out, you left the den. You noticed that Sam was standing in the hallway, giving you a saddened look. "You're really leaving?"

"I'm sorry, Sam." You sobbed. "But I can't be around him right now. And I don't think Jack should be either. We're going to my parents house for a while. And until he gets his shit together, I'm not coming back.

"I know. I don't understand why Dean is acting like this." He mumbled.

"I don't either. It's so unlike him." You agreed.

"So what are you going to tell Jack?"

"Just that we're going to take a little road trip and visit my parents. I don't know, Sam, this whole thing is so strange to me. But I know have to go."

Sam frowned as he pulled you into a hug. "I'm really going to miss you. But you do what you need to do. And if you ever need anything, you call me, okay? I don't care what time of day it is, call me."

"I will." You squeeze Sam tightly. "Thank you for being an amazing brother and best friend." You pulled away, teary eyed as you parted from your brother in law. "I hope to be back soon."

You softly knocked on Jack's door before entering. "Hey, Jack." You smiled.

"Mom!" He said excitedly. "Are we going to watch movies now?"

"Actually, there's been a change of plans. Me and you are going on a road trip to visit my parents."

"Really? Are Sam and Dean coming with us?"

You swallowed hard, a lump forming in your throat. "No, actually. This is a trip just for us. Sam and Dean wanted to stay here just in case they find a case or something that can get Mary back from apocalypse world. So I'm going to help you pack and then we can get on the road."

---

You had sent Jack to your car, having him put everything in the trunk while you finished up things in the bunker. The last thing you grabbed was a machete that belonged to your father before he gave it to you.

"Don't go." A voice whispered. You turned to see Dean, who looked like he had been crying. "Please don't leave."

You swallowed hard, feeling tears rush to your eyes once more. "Will you accept Jack as family?"

"Y/N-" Dean said, exasperated. "He can stayed here but he's not family."

"That's not good enough, Dean. Because I know how you act around people you don't trust."

"You can't force me to trust him." Dean scoffed.

"That's not what I want. I want you to get to know him. I want you to try."

"Y/N. . . I just. . . I can't."

"I think. . . I think we need time apart." You mumbled.

"Y/N, please –"

"Only for a little bit." You assured him. "They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all." You gave him a sad smile, trying to control your tears.

You turned to leave before Dean's voice stopped you. "If you leave, then we're over. That's it. Don't bother coming home."

You sighed as you looked back at Dean. You cupped his face in your hands and gave him a slow, sensual kiss. You could feel salty tears on your lips as you memorized how Dean's mouth felt against yours. It was warm and soft. You could taste the remnants whiskey on his breath.

You pulled away slightly, resting your forehead on Dean's. You felt tears streaming down your face as you looked the man you had grown to love over the past ten years. You had been through hell and back, literally. You had lost each other, fell out of love and back in love.

"This isn't goodbye, Dean." You whimpered. "I swear it isn't. I love you with every part of my soul. I'm not choosing Jack over you, okay? I just need time. I need you to wait for me."

"That's all I've ever done, Y/N." Dean shook his head. "I waited on you when you were in relationships, when you were heartbroken, when your sister died, I waited on you to love me back. I'm tired of waiting. I will always love you, and you'll always be with me. You've changed me, and I'm so thankful for it. You've made me a better man. But I can't. . . I can't keep doing this, Y/N." He whispered as he slipped off his wedding band. "This is goodbye." He set the ring in your hand, curling your fingers around it. "Goodbye, sweetheart." He gave you one final kiss. But this one was rough and full of passion. It really was goodbye.

"Dean, please." You cried. He pressed a swift kiss to the crown of your head before leaving you standing alone in the library. Sobs racked through your body as you clutched Dean's ring to your chest. "Please come back." You whispered.

You wiped your face of tears and stuck Dean's ring in your pocket. There would be time for tears later. Right now you just needed to get out of the bunker. As you looked around the library, you realized you had never felt this alone.

[ot3-watch]

Episode 4: The Snow Job

Will I ever forgive the network for fucking up and ruining the episode order? No. No I will not.

NO, PEOPLE. DESPITE WHAT THE FUCKERY WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE, THE SNOW JOB IS NOT EPISODE 9

I never understood how people could just… take someone’s house away.

YES FUCK HIM UP

PUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUT HE ASSHOLE

Episode 2 of “I will never understand money”

WHY IS THERE ANOTHER SAM REFERENCE/?? AND WITH THE FUCKING FLASHBACK TOO I CAN’T

“I had fortune cookies for breakfast” PARKER WHY

“It’s not cereal, it’s a fortune cookie” and yet.. YOU STILL HAD THEM FOR BREAKFAST

HOw… Also… How did she happen to read a fortune that was going to be perfectly applicable? They don’t… they don’t actually work? Right? Fortune cookies are bogus right? Because I’m having chinese for dinner and i need to know what to expect

Ah yes, the start of Nate being too fucked up to function.

They never address his alcoholism well-- either they forget the con to focus on it or they ignore it because he does good work. I hate it

PEOPLE ARE THE WORST!! RETZING IS THE WORST

Why luge? Of all the snow related sports???

I love Eliot being a Lurker and Lurking. He’s so good at it.

These poor ACTUAL lugers. Having their accomplishments overwritten. Aww

Could you imagine if you’re looking at a news article about your recent win and all of a sudden it isn’t your face in the picture anymore? Seriously, that’s gotta hurt.

I remember just being so bored for most of this episode. Like,random parts were great but others…

ELIOT iS SUCH A GOOD GRIFTER

Parker is just… oh my god. “Help… help… -_-”

The random toblerone… were they sponsored? I feel like they were sponsored…

#obvious product placement

All the orange in that house is insane

Like, my mom is OBSESSED with orange but this is… eurgh.

“That’s what made this company what it is today” NO… CHEATING AND ASSHOLERY MADE IT WHAT IT IS FUCK YOU

“It’s coming from inside the house” ah. Horror movies. Fun

Sophie’s accent is sounding very first episode Nigerian… just saying

I think this was one of the episodes that made me… meh about Parker.

NO SERIOUSLY THE ACCENT THING

I CAN’T GET PAST IT

Ah, don’t you love it when US law is so fucked up that people can openly admit to taking advantage of people in trouble and the law is just like “nice carpe dieming there! Here, have a tax break”

Honestly fuck them

“It’s all legal” YEAH BUT IT AIN’T MORAL FUCK YOU

F U C K T H E M

Ah, Nate fucking them over because he’s a DRUNK ASSHOLE

I’m not saying that Nate wanting to help more people is a bad thing but like, could he not have done that without fucking everyone over?

One of my favorite running gags is the random con names that getprogressively more and more ridiculous. ANd then only hearing enough about it to bring up MORE Questions it’s *chef kiss* perfect.

I feel like Nate was just mad he didn’t have a role to play in the con so he had to change it so he could play a character.

Why does he look like fred from scooby doo

SO not only are we getting commentary on the real estate market, but we’re also getting commentary on the health insurance industry.

Ah yes, drink while driving. That’s smart.

Ah yes, Assault by a law enforcement official. That’s smart

“Organ failure, death, death like symptoms”

I LOVE HARDISON HE’S SO SMART

I love it when Eliot says smart things and everyone looks at him like *little kid voice “wait a second…. Who ARE you?”

Eliot in scrubs is very hot.

“Death scenes can be demanding… think of a really sad thing that happened in your life like, oh, i don’t know, when your father died.” HAHAHAHAHAHA

This was one of the episodes that made me not love Parker

Eliot beating Hardison at rock paper scissors is another one of my favorite running gags

“Wow, you can tell. Dead eyes. As if there’s no soul”

See, sophie? Parker’s PERFECT casting.

The OT3 already being perfect.

Eliot just picking Parker up is amazing.

Nate is just the worst I hate him

“I ain’t your daddy”

NO BUT YOU COULD BE MINE

Me? Being a slut for Eliot? Whaaaattt??

NATE IS JUST THE WORST I HATE HIM

THIS IS WHAT HE IS LIKE DRUNK CAN WE JUST STOP PRETENDING IT’S EVER OKAY

I hate when TV shows try to pass alcoholism off as a character flaw but then forget they need to back that up so they can’t let them rehabilitate fully ever because then you have a character that’s missing his fatal flaw.

Like no, fuck that. Five them a real character flaw

And not a flaw that’s not really a flaw that you’re supposed to like them even more because of. AN ACTUAL FUCKING FLAW pLEASE

You can tell it’s Parker that walks into the bank office. Even before the flashback.

Would that work? Signing away controlling interest in the company? Would that really fuck everything over? I feel like things are much more complicated than that.

This seems so complicated and one of those solutions that you need a financial degree in order to understand so I kind of really do not like it. DO I not like it because it makes me feel stupid? Maybe? But it also seems like it shouldn’t work?

It’s one of those “That sounds fake but I don’t know enough about this to disprove it” situations.

Final thoughts: 6/10. Points for Eliot being Eliot and the OT3 being v awesome. ALSO I JUST REALIZED I DIDN’T COMMENT ON PARKER JUMPING OUT OF THE WINDOW FOR ELIOT TO CATCH HER WHICH IS A TRAVESTY SO HERE I AM. COMMENTING. Points off for Nate being the WORST. Points off for a shitty handling of alcoholism. Points off for me not understanding the ending. Extra points for a v cute client family. Extra points for Hardison being v competent. Points off because this is my blog and I don’t have to answer to you and I just found this episode meh okay?

Sam count: 3/4 BLEH

IYS count: 2/4 GOOD

[popculturebuffet]

Scotrospective: Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (The Comic)

Hello, Hello, Hello scottaholics! And what a beautiful day it is: After decades lost in the lost woods, at least it had that catchy tune to keep it company, Scott Pilgrim Vs the World: The Game is FINALLY back and performing for you on all platforms!

Even Stadia, the platform most likely to disappear like this game did for a while! Cheap shots at the stadia aside as a huge fan of the franchise as a whole and of this game who played it back on the 360, and had since sold said 360 so I had no way to get it back or ever play the dlc packs. Seriously who didn’t want to play wallace but never got to? Everyone, everyone is the answer. But with those the entirety of what I consider to be the main cast is playable, it has online so you can beat up hipsters, guys in costumes and robots with your friends, it’s a good damn feeling.  And since i’m in a celebratory mood, naturally i’m also feeling like a review. And since it just so happens the next volume up in my look at the comics is Vs the World, seriously I planned this review for this month without thinking to have it come out on the same day as the game until a week or two in, I felt there was no better way to celebrate the biggest day for Scott Pilgrim fans in some time.. and for Brian Lee O Malley as he’ll stop getting twitter asks about it. So with all the exposition taken care of LAST TIME, and the link right there if your curious, we can jump right in. On with the show!

After our opening titles, and yes this comic has opening titles, with Ramona sitting solmely in the rain. 

And Scott caught in the title. The rain shot is real pretty by the way. But yeah once we get past those we’re taken back 7 years ago. Finn found out his father was an asshole, and voiced by Stephen Root so hey you take the good with the bad, Steven just learned the horrifying truth about Gem Monsters, Guardians of the Galaxy saved the MCU and I was trying to find work after college.. wait... sorry sorry that was 7 years ago from THIS year. The comic came out in 2005, though the comic takes place on a sliding timescale where only like 2 years pass so I dunno when this is. Let’s just say 98.  Okay so 1998: Bill Cllinton’s sex scandal breaks, and puts way too much of hte blame on the young intern whose life came to be defined by one stupid mistake she made with a man who was way older and should’ve known better, the tide of the Monday Night War turned in favor of the WWF as Stone Cold Steve Austin became a household name, and it was an utterly standup year for video game relaases with Ocarina of Time, Banjo-Kazooie, Crash Bandicoot: Warped, StarCraft, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, WWF: War Zone, Pokemon Stadium, Spyro The Dragon, Pokemon Yellow, WarioLand 2, Oddworld: Abe’s Exodus, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Pokemon: Trading Card Game and Sonic Adventure. It’s like someone took a good chunk of my childhood and squeezed it into one year holy shit, I did not expect this when looking up what came out in 98. 

And while the movie pool wasn't’ quite this amazing, we still had The Wedding Singer, The Big Lebowski, the dude abides, Batman and Mr Freeze: SubZero, The Truman Show, Mulan, the good one not the one made near concetration camps that makes her into a demigod, Saving Private Ryan, Blade, Simon Birch, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, Rushmore, Bride of Chucky, HalloweenTown, Plesantville, and the Prince of Egypt. And in music Weird Al changed from his first signature look to his second, getting Lasik and growing out his hair. Seirously had no idea that was this year. Good to know. Also Elton John got his knighthood. Super shooters. I could go on with 1998 triva for days but I cannot go on for 8 weeks so let’s get to the point here.. during alllla this  Scott Pilgrim, age 16, was starting St. John’s Catholic School and a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble. . by threatning to beat him up for no real reason. A fight insues and we cut to the principal’s office as Scott’s still a minor and not allowed to get into death fights just yet under the people’s freedom of choices and voices act. 

It’s here he meets Lisa Miler, a peppy and sarcastic blonde, who’s intrigued by the fact Scott somehow got beat up after being here just 15 minutes and wants to be friends. Naturally for scott next we see him he’s busy playing video games, and annoyed someone else is around and wondering who this person whose now in his basement is. God no wonder teenage me related to him. So for the next few pages we see their friendship in time lapse: Lisa joins him at lunch, then geninely wonders since Scott’s Untentionally a dick if he hates her.. it’s part of why I think Scott has some form of autisim. And not just because I tend to belivie a character is on the spectrum all the damn time, it’s because of the way he acts: while he is nice and charming at times.. he also clearly has trouble relating to people or realizing how his actions effect them and as seen here in a younger form can often be compeltely distanced from normal social queues, not getting how his actions might be seen until Lisa outright talks to him about it. I mean.. it’s not a huge stretch, and it dosen’t mean he’s nto responsible for his own actions, but it does EXPLAIN a lot of them better: why he just sorta forgets about Knives post-ramona but at the same time still cares enough he dosen’t want to hurt her despite you know, that ship sailing just by having moved on. 

But now the two are friends and his parents, who we meet for the first time and sister inquire about her being his girlfirned.. and by next jumpcut his parents apparently don’t want him hanging out with girls? What exactly the fuck? Also they mention Laurence, Scott’s brother whose missing for most of the books and has no real payoff for not being around. Next cut we get KIM!

Thank you Prissy. And she’s.. not all that different, assuming, correctly that their partner project, how she meets scott will just result in her doing all the work.. which not only is how these things usually went when I was in high school a decade later, but reminds me of the time me and my friends curtis and justin were put on a project and when asked who the alied powers were, guessed “Germany?”.... you can understand my fear. And also Curtis punching him for getting nothing done.. and not hard or brutally mind you just once quick in the gut and with full warning. Ah... the adaquate old days. 

So back to Lisa as, since Scott’s Mom has a guitar.. a fact I.. never honestly thought about. Seriously I never realized her children, since the Bass Scott has for most of the books is Laurence’s, getting into music was probably due to her. Also Lisa makes her case for WHY be a band: the school has a regular event called Lunchapalooza, where everyone goes to and since by teen logic, just being in a band is automiacally cool, she figures they can jump from not QUITE being in any cliques to being super cool. Which honestly yeah... while I didn’t know any bands in high school, the fact one of my friends, ironically named Scott, was a DJ automatically made him pretty damn cool once he got past his awkard phase. I never got past mine but somehow was loved by all except that one douchey kid in our group who mocked me for naming my Luxray kim, assuming it was based on Kim possible and not Kim Pine... though frankly how that’s an insult when Kim Possible was a fucking awesome show and character is beyond me but he was just 17 and also a douchebag, it didn’t have to make since it just had to piss off the easily pissed off kid with aspergers. So Scott poses how they can be a band with just their guitars and Lisa concedes drums WOULD help.. I mean it’s what MADE Shallow Gravy. 

So while Kim wonders if Scott is dating Lisa, because teenagers don’t really get girls and boys can be friends without wanting to be together, though not often as teenage boy brains can be rather stupid and horny... can confrim from personal experince. So it becomes clear Scott has a thing for Kim, and when Scott tries broaching it with Lisa she dosen’t take it well and he backpedals to asking her to be her drummer and plans to monday, proving Scott has somehow not gotten better at reading women, or anyone after 7 years. Can relate. 

So yeah he decides to ask Monday, same day as their presentation.. and thankfully missed the bus as he arrives to find the Benvy Tech boys came in, took everyone out and abducted Kim. Because yeah, just in case you were wondering Scott’s life was always like this.. or was it? Questions for later. So one Canadian Version of River City Ransom later, Scott’s made his way to simon... who, since most of you have probably seen the movie or art of the movie.. looks an AWFUL lot like Gideon. Hrmmm. Simon is naturally the final boss here and wonders if this is the best St. Joels can muster. Scott quips back as only Scott can. 

So cue an unsuprisingly awesome actoin sequence. IT’s part of why I love these color editions: While they already LOOKED thoroughly fantastic the added colors really help the series shonen manga meets old school video game vibe REALLY fucking pop. So Simon pleads mercy which like Scott delivering a good quip.. should’ve really been a red flag to younger me and is foreshadowing for later in case I was too subtle. He then does what any noble hero would do.. kicks simon into the sunset, tells Kim how he feels and asks her to play drums. They then make out. Awwww. 

Lisa suprisingly takes it well as the next montage shows.. granted we’ll learn in Feburary she wasn’t QUITE as over scott as it seemed, but the three, along with a friend of Lisa’s whose name I forgot and who DOSEN’T come back so I’m not going to bother learning, form their own friend group, Scott and Kim get an A, and Scott, Kim and Lisa’s band is dubbed sonic and knuckles, which is an objectively awesome band name. Something the series really does great: Video Game Based Band Names. Crash and the Boys, Sex Bomb-Omb, Clash at the Demonhead... we need more bands like this in the real world dammit. So then they play their big game, the two loose their vrigniity.. and then Kim asks scott “your moving to tornoto?” And.. for now.. that’s that. 

While the framing of that will be VERY important in the last volume, as notice how KIM’S the one who brings it up and it’s not explicitly stated scott actually told her, this flasback is great. While it does contribute to the volume’s drifty pacing, more  on that as we go, it brilliantly sets up a LOT of stuff for later, paticuarlly Lisa who I assumed wouldn’t be back and younger me’s jaw fucking DROPPED when she popped up in Volume 4. Granted i’m spoiling that suprise for you now but odds are most of you reading this have either alreaddy read these or were probably wondering if the girl from the animated short ever had any actual relevance in the books. So yes, yes she does. She’s also the pink haired girl you see pop up in the game in the background, as a nod to O’Malley’s comic strip style which had her and Kim as the leads.  Also yeah for fans of the game or movie or even the comics who were unaware.. this prologue got an animated adaption on adult swim to promote the movie. Naturally Micheal Cera and Allison Pill reprised their roles as Scott and Kim, with Mae Whitman voicing lisa.. and honestly being perfect for the roll, and Jason Schrwartzman voicing Simon naturally. While the animation is slightly limited, it still looks decent and expertly translates O’Malley’s art, while sliming things down slightly where needed to fit a short, and the anmation takes a huge bump for the fight scene which like the comic is short but awesome. While it has no real bearing on the film as Kim’s former relationship with Scott never really comes up or has any impact, as the Film while good was based primarily on volumes 1-3 with small pieces of 4 (paticuarlly the iconic “Lesbians gag”), with Wright working off outlines and drafts of 5 and 6, so the last half hour or so is mostly Wright’s invention. 

Not a bad thing as it’s still awesome and not o’malley’s fault but it means kim dosen’t get to do much, and is a big reason why I want an adaptation on netflix or hbo max. While i’d still want changes both because there’s no sense doing an adaptation if your not going to make some tweaks of your own and because it’d be intresting to update the series to modern day, both in societal conventions and so everyone stops saying the r word. Seirously the most telling sign of the series age is that word showing up quite a bit during the first half of the series. Point is there is merit in doing another remix of the story and doing a longer form one so we can get more of the characters, as well as flesh out ones like Steven, Neil (Who was done WAY better in the movie adaptation thanks to the wonderful Johnny Simmons), and Stacey who got the shaft in the books. Again, not slagging off the movie, it’s really great. Just saying there’s always room for more Scott Pilgrim content and we all know it. 

We’ll get back to the comic proper, and the present day of 2005, after the cut. 

So the story proper opens with Scott dreaming of playing video games... because of course he is with Ramona walking in. and finding it charmingly pathetic but wanting her boyfriend to you know, get out of bed. It’s 11:30.  So with Scott’s ass out of bed, we find Scott, Age 23 idiot with a heart of gold and Wallace, 25 king of all gays, on the bus as they talk it getting warmer and Lucas Lee, movie star and jason lee stand in coming to town to film a movie.. and Scott being Scott gets him confused for Luke WIlson. He’s also seen Bottle Rocket which.. good on him. Seriously while not wes anderson’s best film, those were made long afte this comic was published, it’s still a damn good one.. where was his career at this point... looking it up life aquatic was his most recent films and is still one of my favorites. So yeah he was in a good place career wise. 

Scott proudly talks about having Ramona over in a couple days so she can see his place and meet Wallace. But as explained by Wallace for those of us just tuning in, he already met her last volume. You know during that time Stacey thought she could magically make her date not be attracted to someone else.. and yes even almost a month later not letting that one go. Stacey should know better. Not saying i’ts right Wallace keeps poaching her boyfriends, but she still shoudlnt’ try and force a relationship with a guy or even finish a date with one who makes out with someone else, regardless of gender, mid date. She deserves better. In general not just in this one scenario but we’ll get to that. 

Point is while Scott, as usual, is a bit pissy about this Wallace.. has no time for that and issues an ultimatium

And he’s not bluffing, as he fully intends to tell Ramona the minute she walks in the door if he dosen’t break up with Knives. It really shows Wallace off at his best and why he’s Scott’s closest friend: Kim and Stephen do care about him but Kim both has a LOT of unresolved issues and sexual tension with him and keeps eveyrbody including Scott at arm’s length. And Stephen.. while he will OCASIONALLY call Scott out mostly just enables him, either ignoring his college buddy’s shittier behavior or playing along with it and backing him up when Kim rightfully calls him on being a dickhead. While both love their friend they just aren’t the best at dealing with his shit or getting why he does the things he does good and bad.  Wallace on the other hand geninely likes Scott. He’ll lock him out of the house and tell him to sleep elsewhere so he can bang one out, he’ll not wear pants if he dosen’t have to and he’ll certainly hit on Scott just to get a rise out of him, phrasing.. but he also genuinely cares for the guy’s well being. He lets him sleep in their house basically rent free since scott has no money, buys most of their stuff, and is, as we’ll see in this one, the ONLY one of his friends to take an active part in the fight against the exes, training Scott and researching his opponents when he can get info. He won’t baby Scott as seen here, but he will help him, and he will be the harsh voice of reason his friend needs.  And he did TRY doing a softer approach last time, simply telling scott to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. Scott had every chance to dump Knives during the last third of the first book.. it’s just a combination of both Knives and Ramona being in the same place and Scott getting panicky meant he balked. He NEEDS to be pushed into leaving Knives or he’s not gonna. And he also gets it’s not just Scott being a shifty coward: Scott DOES like Knives.. he just found someone who actually challenges him, intrests him and connects with him on his level, versus someone who worships and adores him like a puppy who just happens to be skilled with knives. The relationship with Knives. was an ego boost, an unequal paring that gave Scott the illusion of moving on from Envy. Ramona is him ACTUALLY moving on and given how badly Envy fucked him up, which comes into play in this book and the next, Wallace recognizes that Scott does need her... but this relationship can’t go anywhere if Scott is seeing someone else, and they both know it. Wallace is just the one who’s willing to do something about it to force scott to do something about it. He’s doing this for Knives too: it’s very clear he cares about the girl, was against this from the start, and knew this was going to end in pain and the faster Scott rips off the Band-Aid the faster she can move on to someone closer to her age and far more equal to her. Scott.. takes this about how you’d expect, even calling Double Standard, as Wallace does sleep around.. and while Wallace will be a homewrecker to Stacey.. otherwise it’s not remotley the same. Wallace does his sleeping around either casually or when he does get a partner, with their consent from what we can tell. He never cheats or anything, he just likes to bone. So yeah Scott doesn’t have a leg to stand on and acts accordingly. 

One of my faviorite gags in the series and one that’s etched in my head for keeps. So with a justified Ultimatium over his head Scott calls knives to hang out. Knives.. shows off that as adorable and trusting as she is.. she’s also kind of creepy and shows up just outside the phone booth he’s calling her from.  So the two go to a record store and Knives tries to get Scott into Clash at the Demonhead, her faviorite band. But since i’ts you know, headlined by Scott’s ex as we’ll find out, he’s not into it. But before that can get awkward.. it gets awkward in another way as Knives invites Scott to dinner at her parents place. Which is an objectively bad idea even before you get into the fact Scott wants a way out and as Volume 4 will show us her dad is both not happy with the idea of her dating a white guy and willing to use a katana to prevent it so he dodged a bullet there. Scott TRIES weasling out of it, but his “I’m too old for you” thing falsls on deaf ears.. and actually explains why she thinks this is normal: her parents are 9 years apart. of course obviously two consenting adults with a decade between them is a mite bit diffrent than 5 years between a teenager whose taking this way too seriously and a grown man whose taking this not seroiusly at all and dosen’t get how effed up this is. But Knives is too naive to get that, and papers over any possible concerns about her parents not wanting her to date a white guy with i’m in love.  Seeing that he has no EASY way out of this, as he shouldn’t, Scott just rips off the band aid and bluntly breaks up with her, saying it’s not going to work out. Knives.. is clealry devistatd. To her this was a serious relationship.. and Scott realized that too late.. and thankfully while he didn’t break up with her in the best way, at all, simply syaing i’ts not going to work out and confirming to her he means it, it’s clear from his face this hurts to do and he knows he’s REALLY hurting her and REALLY shoudlnt’ of dated her to begin with. IT’s why Scott dating a teenager dosen’t make him a morally rephrenisvie monster: because he was genuinely intrested, didn’t use her sexually, and there are tangible consequences for his actions. Knives just dosen’t disappear neatly into the sunset so he can be with ramona. The rest of the series covers her emotoinal recovery from being with Scott, and how she very horribly handles it and that’s why this plotline works at all: she’s not some act one contrivance to be thrown away, sh’es a human being, and more than that a young woman who got hurt REALLY bad and got way too in over her head with someone who just..wasn’t the one fo rher no matter how much she can’t admit that. 

We also get one of my faviorite sets of pages as Scott relfects on things and the sheer devistation on Knives face, which credit to a series that even at this early point loves it’s big bold facial expressions.. her’s being more subded just makes it sting MORE. 

This bit to me is vital to keeping Scott sympathetic and to his character. We see he really does regret what happened, dosen’t know how to process it and genuinely feels awful. As I said instead of some exgerated face that would still hurt him.. her face is quiet, clearly unable to process this and clealry lost and hurt.. and that hurts more than any fuck your or sobs he was probably expecting. Just her clearly not getting WHY he’s doing this or why he hurt her, and he KNOWS why he just knows telling her the truth would hurt her even more. But.. as he thinks.. his thoughts move to something else.. and the WHY of why he did this. 

He did it for Ramona. Wallace was as harsh as he was right: he needed a clean slate to actually give this relationship a shot and the smile comes off less as him being a calous dick whose just happy to move on, I mean he is a little, but more jus tsomeone READY to finally move on. He found the right person, he let the wrong one go if clumsily.. he has a future to look forward to and he can smile about that. 

Granted he’s still his usual unteitonally callous self and his way of telling his friends he and knives broke up is to casually say so and say “dont’ worry you’ll meet my new girlfriend soon.” Their reaction.. is my own. 

Look just because Scott is a nuanced douchebag dosne’t stop him from being a Douchebag. It just means he isn’t intolerable to watch and you actually care about him growing as a human being is all. 

So with that out of the way, it’s date night and Ramona is coming over.. also Scott is considering calling her Ramy which no. I'm genuinely in favor of a pet name that’s just a variant on someone’s name but a bit cute, as it’s just the right level of obnoxious, but no, just no Scott. No.  Ramona enters, meets Wallace again and sits down while Scott tries to shoo him out.. because turnabout is fair play bitch. They also see Ramona’s new hair as she dyes it something new for the first time, in this case a very lovely two tone, the purple from last volume but with a darker purple bellow it. I honestly wish she went for multiple colors in her hair again, but likely didn’t since the book was originally in black and white... which still dosent’ make sense as it would’ve been EASIER that way. Regardless Wallace makes himself scarce proving that he’s more than willing to be equal in terms of one of them spending the ngiht elsewhere. What a guy. 

Ramona finds out a few things about Scott: That his apartment is VERY small, just one room with a bed, a cabinet, a small kitchen and a bathroom, which despite what scott says I REALLY dont’ count as another room. Just common sense. She also learns that he can COOK. Yeah while you’d expect Scott to just get a wad of “I did the ultimatum thing okay now gimme” money and buy dinner but no.. he made the whole thing himself from his own recipe.  And once we cut to them eating on the floor.. turns out yeah he not only can cook but is REALLY good at it. She wishes there was a table which, small as the place is.. fair point. I mean at least get some tv trays. You have chairs. Or at least the easy chair. You can get nice padded folding chairs so you have a second chair guys. I know your poor but come on. Also Scott leanrs bread makes you fat. Good stuff. Also Scott freaks out when , while making out with Ramona in bed later, she mentions his hair’s getting kinda long and could use a cut... which turns out to be a thing for him. He isn’t an ass about it he just panics a bit because he’s partially convinced his last relationship’s nightmarish breakup was because of a bad haircut he got. As we’ll see next week, that’s a no but as someone whose a touch neroutic myself I get blaming a larger issue on something trivial. 

So we then get to the next chapter where it’s KIM’S turn to have a dream.. and the only time we see someone else's dreams. Honestly.. I really would’ve liked if it was a recurring device, even have Ramona pop into other people’s Not used ALL the time but I could easily see it being used with Knives to convey her obsession with Scott and her pain or kim again to help move her plots along or Wallace because I want to know what’s going on in his head. It must be a maze of male gentalia and fine liquor the likes of which has never been seen. It’s scotts funeral as Simon killed him and Scott’s corpse wonders if she dreams about this a lot. 

So we see her get ready and wake up her roomate Sarah whose a bitch. And as we’ll see in one of the backups, so’s the rest of her roommates. So drifting into work. Hollie is a character I really liked... the past tense will be explained later. And the first scene is probably why as her and Kim banter effortlessly, with Kim suggesting maybe she was a happy kid... only to admit quickly no she wasn’t, she was pretty withdrawn and then pretty angsty over someasshole who will be named Scott. “Your a holy terror kim, and i’m glad your on your side”> It’s a short scene but the kind this series excells at: just realistic, fun little exchanges bursting with character. I also GENUINELY wish we got more of this kind of thing, as only Knives really gets these kind of scenes to herself for the most part. There ARE scenes without Scott, but not enough like this that just give us as look into what his friends lives are like during the moments they aren’t putting up with his dumbassery or watching him engage in mortal combat. It’s why i’ve been hoping a spinoff will happen even though it likely won’t SOON. I’m sure O’Malley will return to this world some day, but between Snotgirl and Wicked World, which will come out when it’s ready but should be good.. he’s just really busy. But i’d love to see more of Kim.. or Wallace or Knives. The latter two are a no brainer: Knives is the tritagonist of the books, and it’d be intresting to see what she’d be like 5 years at the book, at the same age and stage in life as Scott. And with Wallace it’s because we really DON’T see his friend circle, life or what goes on with him. We hear him talk about a new boyfriend, who we don’t meet until near the end of the series, though you can see him in stage 3 of hte game if your curious, we see him with some random friends in volume 4, but we really don’t KNOW what hyjinks and lojinks wallace gets up to. He’s pretty isoalted from the rest of the main cast, something I hope an adaptation could fix as while realistic i’td be curious to see what his relationship with Kim or Steven would be like. Just food for thought. 

Point is this was a good scene. But as is typical for Kim’s life just when she has some serenity her ex crashes back in. In this case Scott needs to rent some movies, kim works at a rental store and god teenage me really wanted a clerks style spinoff.. but enough spinoff talk. Scott asks kim to bororw them, of course and explains he’s training for his fight with Lucas.. which Kim reacts to finding out her second best friend is in a series of death matches. 

She has understandable questions such as how the hell doe she know that and is he stalking Lucas and just hoping he’s an ex.. which let’s face it would be a very scott move. But nope Wallace told him, likely learning in an interview he dated Ramona or is coming for scott because he knows everything. We also get one of my faviorite exchanges when Kim wonders why Wallace and Scott are roomates.. a valid question he deflects by saying i’ts a long story. 

Also yeah, as much as casting Micheal Cera backfired for the movie.. that panel there proves there wasn’t another choice at the time. When you want a loveable, somewhat douchey, but also somewhat innocent and oblivious slacker.. who you gonna call. Also before we move on.. Kim.. how are you this suprised. You were there for the fight with Matthew. And Ramona giving out the exposition on why he’s there.. and you even did that whole weird space channel 5 thing no one ever did agian and to this day I will never understand what O’Malley was going for and only know the refrence by hearing that’s what it was. Point is you shouldn’t be this suprised.  Anyways we next cut to Ramona and Stacey, as Ramona enters her workplace, second cup, and they talk and Scott’s spider sense goes off... 

I mean it’s just a bad feeling but still.. weird. WE’ll get back to that later. Scott is in the middle of his training.. and I love the mentor side of Wallace and feel it didn’t get used enough as the series went on. As said before he cares about Scott, so he serves as his Shounen Mentor and a great one: he’s stern and makes Scott work, but he also gets his student and what Scott needs to work. I just wish he’d taught Scott some actual combat, but as we see Wallace’s combat skills boil down to yelling useless info from the sidelines.. I mean he can be useful, we’ll see that next week, it’s just he’s not an action guy. But spirtually he’s the guy scott needs to kick his ass into shape. That being said his “training” consists of watching Lucas’ movies, playing tony hawk and when Scott wants to play more Tony Hawk, having Scott do pushups while Wallace plays Tony Hawk.  Before we turn... there is an elephant in the room I just gotta shoo out: Lucas.. is easily the worst setup of the 6 exes. Patel SEEMINGLY comes out of nowhere but his letter and email hint SOMETHING is coming up, and his flashy dynamic entry intro is damn cool and is what turns the series on it’s head, from an indie comic about a guy getting it together.. to that but with huge shonen dustups with epic visuals. Todd is introduced masterfully here, and is a presence from the start of volume 3 as a result, Roxie gets a slight tease in the free comic book day issue, and her not attacking for two months not only sets up tension but allowed for a red herring.. im’ not only hiding that the fourth ex is a she because anyone whose seen the movie or played the game knows the fourth ex is a woman. The cat’s out of the bag, no sense hiding it. The Kentangis show up pretty early on and Gideon is hinted at and built up, as this towering, mysterious figure, his relationship with Ramona, who he is, why he set up the league, and just how fucking strong he is is all obscured, with his only four apperances simply teasing the big final showdown and giving him that much more mysitque. 

Lucas.. is just sorta intorduced like “Hey I gotta fight this guy”. There’s just.. nothing. Scott’s just gotta fight him because he’s next up and Wallace knows that because plot convience. It’s VERY lackluster given what comes before.. and frankly while I like Lucas, he’s the weakest plot and character wise. HE’s not even really EVIL, just a sellout and is more doing this because he has to I guess, and likely because of stuff we find out in Book 6 but sssssshhhhh. We’ll get more into that when the fight happens but it’s one of the books weakest points. The evil ex.. just feels like an afterthrought again despite there being no reason to. Thankfully this would never happen again as I said, but it dosen’t make this any less frustrating. 

So we cut to Sex Bomb-Omb practice, and after that we get more tease for Clash at Demonhead. And Stephen.. is cool with them and entirely happy one of them made it, while Scott is understandably pisssed off about it and not happy one of his best friends is you know, promoting the band of his ex who broke his heart and as we’ll get more into next time, said rising career is what tore them apart. So yeah Stephen’s a dickhead, and I was wrong last time that he got better. He really.. dosen’t. He gets less CREEPY.. but out of the main 6 characters he’s the weakest: he dosen’t have much of an arc, does some very questionable shit in the second half, and his being around means we have to suffer through Julie. I’ll tear into him more on a case by case basis but for once Scott’s not overreacting. While Kim does nothing she also has no idea just HOW bad things were and Scott won’t tell her. Stephen was there the whole fucking time. He just saw Scott’s rebound with a teenager. He knows he was kind of messed up after this. Dosen’t justfiy knives but still he looses the moral high ground he tries to have at times. 

So while Scott shops a song for Ramona to her, Knives calls Scott’s place clearly setting up another suprise apperance. Wallace.. figures out what sh’es doing quick and simply gives her a stern “You have to go” And to me it’s not him being a dick.. he’s both trying to save her from seeing Scott with Ramona and fucking her up worse... and is looking out for her. She needs to move on and moving up to stalking Scott’s not going to help that. Scott dosen’t WANT her anymore, and while he handled it bad, Wallace gets she needs to see that. Granted he could’ve you know explained it to her and tried talking, but as i’ve said he’s not a perfect person and he was also on a time table to get her out of there in case Scott you know, showed up with his new girlfriend and made things a billion times worse. And the two are indeed headed to his place to watch one of Lucas’ movies, and part of that weak setup is that Ramona.. just has no connection with him. It was high school. Scott also pretends he dosent’ remember his. You are a lying liar sir stop that.  So they watch the film together hanging out, and it’s.. really bad. The good one was rented out. I miss rental stores.. a magical time. I mean i’ts better now, streaming means 80% of movies are avaliable if you have a bunch of services and even if you just have netflix or hulu or hbo max, you still get a pretty decent selection each month. Plus digital rentals are super easy. Do miss redbox though. I mean it’s still there I’m just warry of something that relies so heavily on touching things in a state with a lot of trump morons. You CAN get Covid twice and I don’t wanna. Also we get some dated Dialouge as Scott commenting on Lucas being hot, he is good taste Scott, is given a “good job convincing me your not gay”. He and ramona end up having sex though so .. yay? I dunno. The series has a really weird thing about not getting bisexuals exist and as someone whose bi, and really against bi errasure it bothers me, it bothers me a lot. Though given O’Malley apparently has not only far more queer rep in snotgirl but a bisexual lead, he’s clearly learned so i’m not going to drag him too hard on this. It was the early 2000′s. People were pretty damn stupid about this. Creators have gottten MUCH more important issues much worse. 

So the next morning, Scott gets a call from his well meaning but ditzy mom, and reacts like you’d expect. His parents are in Europe to keep them out of the action and what not. Though apparently according to the last book his mom did read volume 3 at least. Or Wallace told her about the relevant bit. You make the call. 

So i’ts Ramona’s turn to meet Sex Bomb-Omb. The group hang out and discuss Gordon Downie. 

Look I don’t know indie bands. I have no idea who the tragically hip are I just know the name is really hipstery. We also get the recipe for Vegan Shepards Pie. None of them are vegan they just wanted to try it and I.. really want to make this some time. Just to see if it’s any good. But yeah it’s in general a fun casual scene, as Kim reveals she and Scott dated, just to break the tension, and Scott tries out Rammy but quickly backpedals. Just fun slice of life stuff. Oh and Knives is watching them from the window and takes Scott dating someone else as well as you’d expect. 

So she gets some hair bleach to do some highlights and calls her friend Tamara over. We met her last volume as she dragged her along to the show, but it’s here we really get to know what she’s like.. i.e. the sane one in the duo, rightfully pointing out Scott’s not that great. Also Knive’s points out ramona’s “fat”, which is thankfully portrayed as petty sniping as while Ramona does have some curves it’s you know.. not remotely a bad thing and the kind of thing a teenage girl would harp on. Still she’s just in STEPS from this happening. 

But yeah.. it’s clear here Knives has some underlying issues to address and really needs therapy  not to go after her ex’s current girlfriend with knives. I mean it’s in the name but still. Then again volume 4 has her dad going around with a katana or something like it wanting to murder her daughter’s older ex boyfriend he dosen’t realize is ex so it’s clear her whole FAMILY needs some therapy. But this does round her out and show there’s more to her.. a pretty violent and obessive side sure, but it shows she wasn’t just some one dimensional ego boost for scott but a person. One whose just as flawed as the rest of the cast.. but more sympatheic because they’ve all got about 6 or 7 years on her and at this age that’s a lifetime. And while Scott DID set this off by dating her which was objecitvely a bad idea... the rest of this isn’t remotely on him. He handled things BAD.... but all he wanted was for both of them to move on. Knives.. simply can’t admit Scott is not a nice person, was probably two timing her as Tamara points out, which as we know he 100% was, and is not some perfect guy she can’t replace: like Knives.. he’s just a person with faults and she’s too blind to see that. 

So before we can get to the crazy stalker ninja fight, let’s instead get to Scott and Ramona hanging out where we meet Gideon, Ramona’s Cat who i’ll call Cat Gideon, both because I love steven unvierse and because it’s less confusing. This is a pretty slight scene as Ramona admits not a lot happened with Lucas and Scott’s apartment is a hole.. which yeah, yeah it is. Also she DEFINTLY dind’t cheat on him with any cocky pretty boys. Which would come off worse if it wasn’t for the pact Ramona was clearly doing it out of regret and Scott just liked like 50 pages ago about rembering his exes when one of them is his second best friend.. which neither would admit but you know it’s true. Stephen is third where he belongs. 

So next morning it’s fight time, and Scott is glad wallace is going with him. It’s awkard going to fights alone. Which leaves me to wonder if before this comic Scott just.. fought random guys letterkenny style. Like they’d call up, schedule it and then he and one or more of his friends would go beat up a guy. It’s just.. hilarious knowing that this kind of thing is common in canda minus the ki attacks , flash effects, wizards, vegan psycics, ninjas, and roboticists. But damn I now want a scott pilgrimized letterkenny now more than ever. You know you do too don’t deny it. I”d love to see the hard right jay fight but iwth a loud “KO!” when he gets his ass knocked out. Also Casa Loma is a very real, very cool Toronto location, as I never realized as a kid, to the point that the lucas fight was filmed there for the movie. 

So Scott approaches Lucas a bit star struck and upon finding out scott is.. punches him out as seen in the header image and throws him into a tower. When Scott regains conciousness, Kim and Neil have arrived and Lucas calls a time out. And it’s here we get to, while being the weakest of the 7, why I like Lucas.. he’s actually a pretty nice guy. At WORST he sold out. But the two have a pretty nice conversation over ritz and baby carrots, with it turning out, unsuprisingly Ramona did cheat on him with a cocky pretty boy, and while like Ramona he’s clearly moved on, it still hurts a bit and understandably so. He also warns scott while she might seem nice i’ts an act. 

I mean it isn’t ALL an act, but she does have a tedency to put up walls and act pretty badly as we’re slowly finding out.. though given Scott does the exact same it only means.. she’s human. She’s not MUCH higher above him in terms of morality and this is where we get our first peaks into the fact the series isn’t just about Scott’s development but hers. But it’s understandably absent from volumes 1 and 2 since we need to know her first, and this volume is about getting to know her a bit and get a feel for who she is, something I ddin’t really get a grip on as a teen, but do now. We see more of who she is good and bad as the walls go down. She’s more SURFACE LEVEL functional than scott, but beneath it has a lot of the same exact issues.  Lucas and Scott continue to GENUINELY bond, as Scott genuinely thinks the guy is talented and Lucas want’s an Oscar this year.. maybe not for the current film which is a romantic comedy with a teen star but hey, stars have done far worse in their Oscar years. I mean at least he’s not making a comedy about himself in a fat suit domestically abusing himself in a wig while he also plays an asian sterotype. He explains he almost didn’t get into the league but felt too important to ramona’s past.. plus he looks cool. Plus they let Patel in despite barely being in a relationship with her and being kind of a tool so they kinda had to let the handsome affiable movie star in. Scott wonders “wait league” and Lucas is understandably frustrated to find out Patel just sent a letter Scott didn’t read.. and at Matthew let’s be clear. I mean.. Gideon has to have known Scott wouldn’t read that since he’s been in his head. We’ll get to that in part 6. Point is they formed a league, hence why their organized enough to come after him like this and Scott understandably glares at Wallace for you know, having him play tony hawk and watch movies yet missing the fucking obvious clue they were all working together and they were only coming at him one at a time by choice. 

Lucas offers to just.. take a bribe and SAY Scott beat him, Scott calls him a sellout jokingly and Lucas proves that while not AS bad as the rest of the League, he’s still a dick by telling him to kiss ramona’s sweet ass goodbye pilgrim. Okay either he’s seen her since high school or he’s fondly remembering a high schooler’s ass. Neither one is nice to think about. But Scott gets out of his ass beating by pointing out a ramp, real thing too used for the movie, and asking him to skate down it. Lucas says i’ts impossible, and Scott just whistles. So Lucas tries skating the impossible and dies via velocity. Yes really. Scott collects his change and gets a gift, a mytryil skateboard he.. can’t use because he dosen’t have a proficency for it and bemoans not picking it up in 5th grade. Also he didn’t get his autograph. He does get some coins though so neat.   Yeah I mentioend Lucas was the least of the exes and I stand by it: He’s an intresting character, not a GREAT person but clearly a charming and nice enough guy who likely offered the bribe not because he’sd a sell out but because he genuinely liked scott, and is easily the best adjusted of the exes. But obviously a near non existant setup and a really hilarious and unsastifying finish just.. don’t really feel sastsifying. I mean i’t slampshaded, but after all the build up of her having 7 evil exes, the next one is just..filler. Not BAD, but not really anything special and giving Scott a an early pokemon victory, but unlike ash having done nothing to really DESERVE it.  Thankfully both adaptations so far VASTLY improved on this. While Lucas is still affiable in the movie he’s also smarmy, if on better terms with Ramona, saying “he seems nice” after the tower throw and throwing in some stunt doubles. His fight goes from one of the least satisfying and weakst of the series, to easily one of the best of the movie. We’ll talk about that more there but obvious Chris Evans version is far superior, keeping the good traits while giving us an intresting fight.. and still keeping the skateboard death because it’s fucking hilarious and the movie improves on THAT too by having scott give flat wows as he slowly dies. The game likewise keeps teh skateboard death, if shortening it, and the skateboard, and while not changing his apperance does make him a hell of a tough boss. Took three tries and some online grinding to take him out. Still a hell of a fight. Point is while I genuinely like Lucas story wise.. this just dosen’t work for me and is pretty damn weak, even if it gives us some godo character insight we could’ve got that, and a fight and still had the finish we did. 

That being said.. we DO get a fight instead, likely why the Lucas fight was so truncated. Next chapter and that evening or the next day or whatever, we pan over the real life tornto refrence library. It is a VERY nice touch thatt the comic and it’s adpations use either real places in toronto or reasonable subsittues. While not canadian myself I love the place and hope to visit Tornoto some day when the world isn’t a living nightmare and it’s really nice that like New York for Marvel, Brian Lee O malley really makes the city feel integral to the comic, like it’s own character. But Knives is ominously perched above.  At second cup Scott is horrified to find Julie. Seconded. Julie takes the moment to give out to scott about him dating Ramona despite telling him no. Okay... 

Yeah as you can probably guess I don’t like Julie. She’s not a good character. The movie did her better, with the bleeping gag and aubrey plaza’s performance, but in the comic.. she’s just the worst. She sucks bad. If she were an ice cream flavor she’d be pralines and dick. While she’s fine on OCCASION, and actually works in the next volume, outside of that she just gets more unplesant, more unlikeable, more bitchy, more unfathomabbly assholish every. damn. volume. I”ll give out about that a bit then too but I have to put up with her for the entire damn comic. Now her being bitchy to Scott is fair to a point: Scott is a mess, and she’s loyal to Envy in the breakup, and Scott’s own friends drag him on a daily basis.  The problems are that she’s like that to EVERYONE, even Knives who isn’t about to stab her much as i’d like that. She’s unberable to Stephen whose tolerance for her is unfathomable, though the ending bits of volume 6 show maybe he just has terrble taste. She’s just a throughly unplesant, social climbing bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone. And it sticks out badly against the main cast; Scott is very bad with women and relating to people, but is also nice, charming and most of the damage he does is not intetional. Ramona puts up walls to keep others out but is also a responsible adult and often cuts through Scott, and at times others, internal bullshit. Wallace is an alcholic, but still a very responsible, very loveable guy who clearly cares about scott and supports him finacially and emotionally. Kim is VERY emotionally distant, very misntrhopic.. but also a good person who as we see as the series goes, has an inner light to her and often drags on Scott because she’s been putting up with his shit the longest and WANTS him to be better. Knives is an obessive and violent stalker.. who was also deeply hurt by an older man, dosen’t GET that her realtionship with scott was wrong and uneven, and is clearly not emtoinallyr eady for the deep feelings she’s having. And Stephen.. well he’s a talented guitarist but also enables scott and julie. Especially him enabling Julie. 

Point is their all pretty well rounded, llikeable characters with flaws. Julie.. is just an ass. And this scene demonstrates that with flying colors. While Scott does ignore her because he’s too worried about his sister and girlfriend becoming friends, understandably given Stacey knows all his dark secrets, Julie spends two pages giving out and treating scott like some bad guy for persuing Ramona against her orders. And i’m going to break down why.. this dosen’t work.. on any level for her.  1) Ramona is not Julie’s property. She’s a big girl with her own free will. They aren’t even remotely close: Julie met her only barely before Scott, and given the dream thing probably not even that. And you could say Julie is just looking out for her... she dosen’t know Ramona well enough to KNOW if Ramona is still smarting over Gideon. She probably was.. but she readily, once the awkwardness passed, went out with scott and dove right into the relationship. While there’s still some scars as we’ll see.. she CHOOSE to move on and that’s her choice. If she wasn’t ready, she woudl’ve turned him down or broke it off by now realizing it was a mistake.  2) Scott has no reason to listen to her. She hates his ass, somewhat justifably but still, she hates him and has been against him since fucking colllege. She took his exes side in the breakup despite Envy still being partly in the wrong but paints him as some abusive dickhead and not just an insesntive dickhead. To him he’s just some villian she needs to reign in for her cool friend who wants nothing to do with her and grows to justifably hate her over time. Scott and Julie TOLERATE each other. They are not friend,s they do not like each other and never will. They are around each other because of Stephen. That is it. If Kim , Wallace or Stephen had asked, or at least made him wait for kinves. he probablyw ould’ve or at least considered it since while they take the piss out of him, they genuinely care about him and actually have shown they care about something other than themselves! Speaking of which the cou de gras 3) She’s a selifsh bitch: She is NEVER not  in any volume seen as out for anyone but herself, and thus scott has no reason to trust her judgement. She berates Stephen, him and anyone who will listen, is only so loyal to envy because she’s famous, and as I said treats EVERYONE like dogshit.  And given Scott is still a very flawed guy.. it takes a LOT for him to be so right and he runs out screaming when Julie mentions her.

So back at the library, Ramona brought Stacey along because the place is a maze. Scott calls Stephen and calls julie evil.. which given the last two paragrahs. Yeah. She is. She really is. But that goes nowhere as he dosen’t have Stacey’s number. He also thinks Julie was responsible for this which while she’s very much not.. would it REALLY be that suprising that if Julie were there she would’ve introdcued the two and set up their little hangout just to piss scott off? God I’m  so sick of talking about her. 

So the two after dropping off Ramona’s package decide to hang out a bit.. not long as Ramona’s got shit to do, but hey I agree with her logic i’m curious about this palce too. But before they can go up an elevator Ramona spots incoming.. and thus we get the fight of the volume. Though given the next one has two climatctic fights and one or two before that, they easily could’ve had both.. this is still the highlight of the volume.  So Ramona snaps off a railing and before Stacey can give out about that she finds out WHY as Knives attacks with a pair of sais. And O’Malley did his homework as while you’d THINK it was just another dumb white person mistake.. O’Malley is asian, thoughw ether he’s candaian korean or canadian chineses, as his last name is korean but he has a large chinese cast in this very comic that might come from experince, I do not know and if you do know tell me. I’d like to refer to him properly as I don’t LIKE lumping all asian cultures into one basket. But not only that he did his home work, as Sai’s, while popularized in Okinawa Japan, were also used in other countries. I bring this up since I assumed it was just a simple mistake even knowing Brian was mixed-race, and was plesantly suprised to fine that know, I was the moron. And i’m fine with admitting that. 

So we get a damn good fight.. and Knives figures out Scott WAS cheating on her. Granted she assumes so due to seeing Ramona at the refrence Library, before he actually cheated and clearly blames Ramona for it, but still, it fucking hurts. Plus while her attacking Ramona, who initally assumes she’s gideon’s doing, which.. yeah sending a teenage assasian just to mess with her head does sound like him. So while Stacey does complain “ramona you can’t just tear out art objects” to which I say... yeah high, Stacey? NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW SCOTT’S EX IS TRYING TO KILL HER. SHE’S DEFENDING HERSELF.  So we get one hell of a fight. It not only shows off that Ramona is one hell of a fighter herself, as is knives, but just how immature knives is, resorting to constnat fat jokes and taunts showing just how immature she is.. and unlike volume one where it was endearing and we just saw how sweet she was here it just comes off as mean, bitter, and uncomfortable. But again part of the series biggest charm is the main cast are all well fleshed out and throughly human. She’s doint this because she dosen’t know better and was raised in a house where, again as volume 4 will bear out, finding out her dad is going after scott with a samurai sword just warrants a “dad’s are so weird aren’t they” my point is her frame of refrence is a mite skewed. Plus this is a world where everyone but Stacey just calmly accepts big shonen fights break out, so it’s not that unsuaul to want to settle things with a fight and while i’ve joked about her killing Ramona we genuinely don’t know that was the goal> Could’ve been, easily given murder is peachy in this setting and just leads to a respawn according to O’Malley and would’ve just sent ramona back to her apartment. But I genuinely don’t think she has it in her to do it and while she could’ve planend to, she never would’ve. Plus Ramona easily leads the fight as while Knives uses hit and run tactics and tries make her follow.. Ramona is more annoyed than anything as she has shit to do. Knives only gets one hit in and while i’ts a pretty nasty scratch on the cheek, if thankfully not scarring.. Ramona shrugs it off when she brags about it and easily takes knives down with a potted tree. Knives runs and while she tells herself it’s to fight another day.. its really because her opponent was WAY stronger and way more ready for something like this than she probably planned on. She did defintely want a fight, she just wasn’t prepared to be outmatched so handily. It’s also a nice  parallel to last book’s fight: Like with Scott and Matthew,  while the fight SEEMS pretty even, in reality our hero/heroine was alwasy teh one in control and easily took care of the less experinced and less ready upstart, who likely wasn’t expecting a fair fight much less to loose. 

So Ramona and Stacey wisely get out while Stacey explains Knives is indeed Scott’s ex, though is unaware of the cheating thing. Speaking of Scott he’s playing sonic and knuckles, and in fact kept wallace on the line before just to get advice because of course he did hence why stacey didn’t get through to him, but gets a call... from Envy. 

This is easily the second best sequence in the boook, which was lovingly and wonderfully adapted to film and as a result I cannot read it without hearing Brie Larson’s voice for Envy , a nice mixture of seduction and condescension. It’s CLEARLY painful fo rhim, and we do get some things established as Envy toys with him, that it’s been about a year and that she left him for a cocky pretty boy, familiar.. and while Scott claims to not know what he looks like.. given Todd is clearly on her band cover... it’s not exactly hard to put two and two together. So after some awkard catchup and Scott telling her about ramona against his will, we get to the reason she’s here with Scott understanndbly being supscious and calling her a user.. which while Envy denys.. she ends up admitting to. She’s coming to town as estalbished and her opening act backed out, and since Scott has a band, and one that 2/3 of which she knows, she wants them to open for her.  Scott naturally isn’t too intrested and thinks it’s just pity. The sequence. is masterful, using a watchmen style 9 by 9 panel layout and intercutting scott’s pained reactions and clear lack of comfort with flashes of envy on her side.. never showing her proper, but showing his memories or what he’s seen in magazines. It’s really striking and really sells the sheer discomfort Scott’s going through.  So soon after Wallace gets home.. and finds Scott, drained and miserable on the floor, not even responsive. And this really is the scene that shows me that Wallace cares for the guy and cements that asshole he may be, he loves his buddy. He goes through possible scenarios that fit scott: Food poisoning, finding out Wallace saved over his final fantasy save (though he rules it out as last time that happened he was crying), that ramona dumped him.. before Scott let’s out a pathetic and miserable “Ennnnnvvv”. Wallace , who was at ground zero for that relationship as we’ll find out, realizes this and lets out a little shit, unsure how to help and pissed off at that bitch for once again hurting him like this. As I said it shows how Wallace knows scott in and out and loves him dearly.. and how he knwos about this paticuarly heartbreak better than anyone but Scott and Envy themselves. IT’s just a really tearjerking scene, as we get a sense of WHY scott spiraled into an ego boost of a relationship: His last one REALLY tore him in half, and he’s still not completely healed from the emtional bisection. 

So Scott gets more bad news next chapter as Stacey tells him about the fight and he’s worried he’s going to loose ramona on top of this. I mean he desrves it.. .but it’s clear she’s the best thing to happen to him after a really rough year of denial and poor decisionss and loosing her will likely only make him WORSE. He also breaks the bad news, to him at least to the band about the gig. Stephen, being kind of a dick who while understandbly excited about a big gig fails to see his friend REALLY isn’t happy about this nor remembers you know, that the person offering this tore his heart out indiana jones style and while they should take the gig despite the risks, it’s too big an opportunity not to, he should be fucking senstive about this. Kim however... has a suprising and heartbreaking reactoin to this. Which is spread over a few panels but i’m gonna string into one image for convince sake. 

Just.. DAMN. I honeslty missed this both as a teenager and as an adult when I read through the books last time but holy shit is this a heartbreaking little moment, even more with the development she gets in later books. Keep in mind, over two books so far, Kim.. really hasn’t shown a lot of emtion. The most upset she’s gotten was getting a bit pissed about another a girl drummer. The only other time we’ve seen her sad was at 17 when Scott left. Her only emotions that we could see were angry and surly. But here? She’s genuinely upset and we see her walls break down for the very first time.. and it’s with the clear indication she NEVER really got over Scott. She never got proper closure and while she hasn’t let it so.. it’s been VERY clear she's been grossly uncomfortable with how he just likes to brush off their history, something that very clearly still bothers her and understandably so: 6 years , while a lot of time, still really isn’t long enough to just .. FORGET your first boyfriend , how he made you feel or the fact he took your virginity and you took his. Stuff like that sticks with you.. I’m ony assuming on the virginity thing but my point remains: To Scott it’s SEEMINGLY nothing, when really he’s probably just trying to brush it off because he dosen’t like dealing with things and given how Kim is wrongly assumed she can’t feel pain. I mean to anyone else i’d be a fair assumption and even i’m not convinced if she touched a hot stove she’d burn, but that’s phsysical this is emotional. DIffrent playing fields. Point is Scott’s kind of a dick and not having ANY closure for anything, Kim is still smarting from him leaving as much as Scott is smarting from Envy dumping him.  And it somehow gets MORE painful.... which should’ve been the tagline for Bojack Horseman now I think about it but yeah: her line is what cuts me up the most “I saw her on the cover of Now. She’s pretty”. It’s a little line, it’s easy to see why I missed it .. but the subtext really stings. It’s that despite being VERY pretty, I had a crush on her as a kid and I still do now.. Kim just can’t help but compare herself to someone whose now a glamrous rock star.  Their equally attractive but all Kim can see is ANOTHER person who Scott cared about more than her. Which seems petty but again he just.. abnadoned her. His moving wasn’t his choice but his not telling her as was framed earlier sure as hell was. And then just.. look at the next people he dates: A glamorous rock star (She wasn’t at the time but that’s for next week), a much younger girl who can’t possible challenge him, and an ultra cool american. To her.. it must feel like he just looks right through her to every other person intersted in him and never even consdered her as a person anymore. I mean.. jesus christ that hurts.. and makes me hate Stephen more since you know he dosen’t notice any of this.. though at least unlike with Scott it’s a bit more understandable because Kim’s so unflappable and he’s already ignoring very obvious and transparent emotional pain why shouldn’t this be any diffrent.  So yeah no one’s happy about this, and that ends up including Stephen as he’s so insecure about his band’s talent he’s pretty sure they suck when their probably at least adaquate. 

So while Scott dosen’t say anything, it’s clear he’s at least consdiering the offer as when we next see him he and ramona are heading to Envy’s show. And honestly it’s just a really sweet scene as Ramona asks about envy and the two banter and hold hands. A really nice palletee clensar since hte last few pages were like I was the one lucas socked in the gut. Also she assures him she dosen’t hate him, and asks about how the breakup happened, turning down any offers to hear the good times.  It was new years eve one year ago, and he mentions it was over her leaving to meet some guy named Todd.. and Ramona finds the story familiar but brushes off Scott wondering if her todd and Envy’s todd wer ethe same guy as a douchey joke. When prying about what happened otherwise, Scott admits it was all a blur.. Ramona isn’t ahppy with the answer.. but it’s nto like it’s that unresonable: he was in deep with Envy, and the breakup was damn bad to the point it took a year for him to recover and end up in the relationship he is now and the one before this was clearly a cry for help. It also helps reinfroce just how much Wallace was there for him and probably WHY Wallace hates Envy so much. They probably live together simply because Scott needed a place after college, was in zero condition to get a job or do anything given his zombie like state.. and Wallace just had him move into his bed, platonically and into his place. It’s probably why while Wallace will complain ocasoinally he isn’t that on scott to find a job. He dosen’t need a paying roomate, they do fine just on his sallary and he has a steady, secure job in some sort of calling office, probably working in medical stuff like my mom. He needs his friend to be safe and happy, then he can get on his ass about being functional, as he is in present day. If nothing else this volume made me realize just how good a person Wallace is.  The one thing he CAN remember, to Ramona’s disbelif is a restraunt opening up, the job story he hinted at last volume: basically it was a fancy tex mex place called, and this is one of the best restraunt naems in the history of fiction brace yourself: The Gilded Palace of Flying Burritos. Naturally, as would I as I love tex mex and that name, Scott loved the place, ate there most of the week and like me with some places I liked waited impatietly to get a job. He did and they were even super generous as the food was FREE.  Which is a euphoric feeling I relate to, though I also liked any discounts I got. seriously when I worked at Bagel and Bagel a good chunk of my paycheck was eating there for dirt cheap every shift. I miss that place so much. Like even after I left there I still like a good bagel sandwitch. And it wasn’t covid or anything it was just low staffed and slowly coming apart due to a lack of a solid manager after Crystal, the manager who hired me, transfered to a store closer to her home, which I do not blame her for. 

Point is I get it even if Ramona thinks this is all made up. Anyways at Lee’s Place, based on the real life Leo’s place, everyone’s gussied up: Steven got an awful haircut and Kim... 

But no time to dwell on how great kim’s..everything is.. who DID  Neil bring to the concert? 

While Kim is VERY much enjoying this, everyone else is a bit freaked with Ramona getting assurance her and Scott dated breifly, with Kim quipping her and neil will probably date even breiflyer, and Stephen.. freaking out, wondering if she seduced him, and asking if they should take him out back and kick his ass.. 

Just..... that’s a lot of douche to unpack and this review has been VERY long and suprisingly hard already.. but fuck it, we don’t have much left to go let’s do this. Okay one did she seduce him.. I mean I GUESS, but really let’s be clear here: Neil is a horny, lonely, monosolobic 19 year old who lives with his sister’s college friend and whose life revovles around said guys band. Knives is adorable. She likely barely had to flirt with him to get him to say yes .As someone who was a lonely 19 year old doofus, I guarantee no matter the red flags I probably woudl’ve said yes provided she was 18 instead of 17, despite the abudant red flags such as neil vaugely looking like scott, neil being the one single man within scott’s circle to get her way back in, as Knives hasn’t realized she’s bi yet or given how much she looked up to Kim, she probably WOULD’VE gone for it. As would any sane person, which neither knives nor I entirley are. So she didnt’ so much seduce him as offer him a girlfriend he didn’t have and him being too intrested in having a sweet, caring girl on his arm to see the giant army of adrestian soldiers needed to carry all the red flags this presents. 

And as for “do we need to kick his ass. “ Stephen.. did you kick SCOTT’S ass? No, you fucking abetted him and only stepped in for the good girl thing. You did NOTHING to stop his relationship with knives or tell him he was screwing up or look out for that girl’s well being. This will bite him in the ass even harder in volume 5, but even now it just makes him look REALLY fucking bad that, even if he probably dosen’t mean it, that’s at all on the table. Also.. Neil, unlike scott is doing slightly less wrong. While he is 20 to her 17, three years.. it’s HALF of what Scott and her’s age diffrence is, and far more equal in power structure. It’s still not.. GREAT, but my point is you did NOTHING when Scott did this, for far flimiser and less forgiavble reasons.. but when NEIL, whose been nothing but weirdly loyal to you dates her, you want to kick someone’s ass. I mean yes he’s being stupid: in a clear role reversal of the Scott and Knives situation, it’s obvious just from her expression that KNVIES is the one in control here, and the one using someone to ease her own pain. Granted it’s wrong, if not as wrong as Scott should techincally know better and Knives very clearly dosen’t, as well as get into a show of her faviorite band. Is what she’s doing wrong.. yeah... while she can’t see it again it’s what Scott did just not QUITE as fucked up due to not being AS embalanced. Should neil probably be dating her after scott did ? No. But should you be threatning him and not scott for you know, setting all this in motion? No. Jesus christ you suck Steven. 

Thankfully while Scott presumibly calms Stephen down, Kim spots Hollie and her roomate Joseph, who will be suprisingly important. He’s very gay, very quite, very bearded and is only hear because the bass player is hot and when prodded on it....

Well said. Also I read that with John Heder’s voice fo rsome reason.. don’t know why, his career ended as quickly as it began because he REALLY did not pick his films well. He saw that he was going to be in a film with David Spade and Rob Schinder and didn’t fire his agent for suggesting it. Meanwhile Scott and Ramona run into Sandra and Monique, Scott’s old classmates who just sorta.. show up every so oftne, often backing up Julie because every Alpha Bitch needs a posse. As Boscha has proven once you loose your posse you loose your bitchy powers. They also ask if Scott and Ramona are an item which leads to a fantagious visual gag. 

Also Stephen awkardly talks to the new couple, about how much Knives loves the band, and because why start reading the room now just sorta.. CASUALLY slips in the fact he knows her is because she and scott dated. 

Granted Knives action this book really EARNED her that curveball.. but still, it’s transparently clear she’s both not over Scott and Neil’s a placebo, and that she loves the band... how the fuck did you get through college, much less get two loyalish friends Steve. 

Kim tries to hide when she runs into Sarah whose with.. someon O Malley does not know, literally captioning it “I don’t know htis girl”. Fucking love that gag even if SOMEHOW kim is the roomate they all hate. Despite hte fact as the side story will bare out, her roommates are all pretty obnoxious, so i’ts probably because she’s the only sane person in that group and their VERY lucky kim just dind’t set the place on fire on her way out and let god do what he should’ve a long time ago. Also we meet Lynette, the band’s drummer who smokes “She must be evil” “Still hot though”... both accurate. Also Luke wilson is there.. no really. Just holy shit that’s awesome.  Okay so with all of that out of the way, it’s time for the show. So after a full volume’s build up , and a really cool build up in the page before we finally properly meet clash at the demonhead, and miss envy adams. 

Heck of  a reveal and not the only one as ramona realized what the audience probably already guessed....

Dun dun dun! And since I don’t like leaving a cliffhanger dangling lest I have to... we’ll be getting to this next week.. what you thought i’d say right now or tommorow? This was a lot. But no i’m not leaving you too long. Next week, Evil Ex Crossover! Ramona and Wallace become BFF’s! We learn what the deal with Scott and Envy is! Scott faces the Ken to his Ryu! And Wallace gets a boyfriend. All this and more next week. for now...

Final Thoughts: This one.. was a VERY rough one to review and it ties back to this volume’s biggest problem: it is not paced very well. Like the series as a whole it has a pretty easy going, slice of life pace. The only ones without this kind of easy pacing are 3 and 6, and even 3 has some slice of life bits, their just both more focused due to the events going on. This one... well....

Pretty much. While this one has very important stuff going on, Scott and ramona getting closer, ramona getting more fleshed out, Wallace showing how deep his character is, Kim also getting fleshed out quite a bit, Knives showing off her crazy side, setting up the next volume, the second ex fight.. it’s all just kinda.. jumbled together. It’s not really until the knives fight onward the book takes on some really solid pacing and really gets going.It’s not a BAD book: ther’es some REALLY good character stuff as I dug into.. but the pacing is just really loose and without the Evil Ex fight as an anchor and with ramona and scott just sorta.. getting to know one another, in both biblical and non biblical senses, it dosen’t have either of the series main narrative thrusts. Even the knvies subplot really amoutns to nothing for now, as Ramona dosen’t find out Scott’s a cheater, and only distrusts knives now. That’s about it. It does improve on book one in characterization, with eveyrone being MUCH cleearer in terms of who they are and settling into their iconic selves nicely. Wallace’s more selfless and protective side pops up, Ramona starts to show mroe of her personality good and bad, Scott’s better traits are mixed a bit mor eeven with the douche ones,  Knive’s far more unstable and violet stalker side emerges, and Stephen.. well fuck him, point is things are coming together.. but O’Malley still isn’t quite at peak power yet. Not bad and still worth a read like last time, just a bit uneeven is all. That being said... if you want O’Malley at his peak.. well then come back next week. Until then i’ll be doing my usual buisness of reviewing birds, refrencing simpsons and letterkenny, and putting my eyes back in after kim’s look up there. For now the sun’s setting and i’m out of here. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #333

“imaginary chain  /  the one you never break  /  seething all alone”

Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah, I'm pretty open about what I'm afraid of. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What class in high school did you struggle with the most? I honestly don't remember with certainty, but it was probably math or economics. At least, I think econ was my senior year. What could you talk about for hours? Mark, meerkats, a few game franchises... maybe a couple more topics. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah, but I don't have many games on there and rarely touch the ones I do. Do you like gaming? I do, but not as much as I did for most of my life. I mostly just play WoW now, and even that I'm not that into anymore. Part of it though comes from not buying any new games that I'm interested in because 1.) no money and 2.) no proper console, and you can only replay games so many times before you're just... yeah, done. Do you like reading books? Some days. Do you like religion? All things considered? No. Do you like Grand Theft Auto V? Y'know, growing up, I actually liked watching my younger neighbor play one of those games, but I don't remember which. Though he never actually "played" it... just ran around wreaking havoc, lol. I do however think GTAV was the one that Jason and Jacob started playing together when we moved into the apartment, and I thought the story was okay; I don't think they ever got far into it, though. Definitely wasn't Jason's sort of game, and I don't think it was too much up Jacob's alley, either. Can you twerk? I haven't tried and you will never see me try either, lmao. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes, but I almost never use it. If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing them back? Yes. If your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? No. Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, because of how badly she hurt him. I don't have any negative feelings towards her now, though. We're actually friends, haha. The irony. Are you an easy lay? What weird wording. But whatever, quite the polar opposite actually. When’s the last time you said you were sorry? A few days ago. Are there any songs you listen to everyday? No. Would you like living on the coast? As someone who lives in a state hit by hurricanes usually every year and has seen the incredible damage they usually bring to the coast, no. I don't like the smell or gritty feel of salty air, either. When’s the last time you were really late to something? No idea. That's usually not a problem with me. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? The last person I actually stopped like-liking would be Girt, and that would be because I just came to the realization I saw him too much as my brother instead of boyfriend. It just always felt awkward. Do you still talk to that person? Yeah, we're good. No hard feelings or anything between us. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Do you trust easily? Fuck no. I'll be cautious, at least to some degree, about new people for a while. What is the last song to make you cry? Since I've actually behaved and not listened to any trigger songs, it's been a long while, but it was probably "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Last person you hung up on? I'm sure some automated message. I barely ever answer the phone to numbers I don't recognize, though. Where was your last car ride to and from? To Wal-Mart w/ Mom to pick up our order and then back home. Next big outing? *shrug* Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not really, no. Considering I'm by far my most authentic self online, I actually tend to appreciate virtual friends more, if I'm being honest. I try to keep up with those people. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not really, no. I think I saw Warcraft the day it came into theaters, though. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yep. Tragic romance tends to do it the most, I think. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have one to track my menstrual cycle as well as another that tracks my daily caloric intake, but I'm bad at using it because it's tedious if I actually have to measure something. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Ummm if you mean like, in general, probably my mom's. But this most certainly depends on the subject I'm taking feedback on. What is something society "expects" you to do that you don't want to do and/or don't plan on doing? Shaving my legs came to mind first. Granted, I will if there is almost any chance of someone seeing them, but otherwise, I just don't care. We respect women with body hair on this account and see them as no less feminine. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you're drawn to? I think it's cool, yeah. I should have an answer for this, given architecture was a massive focus in Art History the last time I was in school... Roman architecture comes to my head first, if that says anything. What was one of your favorite things from the nineties? BOY OH BOY, SO MUCH!! I'm probably gonna say the toys. There was some dope shit, man. Do you collect things pertaining to an animal? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING featuring a meerkat!!!!! :''') Do you wish that people were kinder to spiders? Well, yes. I hope everyone in their heart wishes this, even if they're afraid of them. They're very important to our ecosystem, and none are out there to harm us; their existence does us a favor. Where do you normally order pizza from? Domino's (my favorite) or LIttle Caesar's for the price. Did your parents keep anything of yours from when you were a baby? Oh yes, loads of stuff that's stored away somewhere. Do you own one of those "____ For Dummies" books? No, but I feel like we had one at some point? What was the last VHS tape that you watched? Yikes, who knows. Did you watch Boy Meets World back in the day? I actually didn't, no. Our old neighbor though loved it so much that she named her daughter Tapanga (deliberately spelled that way). Who is your favorite Scooby Doo character? I never really had one. Maybe Thelma. If I were to give you a coloring book, what would you want its theme to be? Animals. Have you ever won a stuffed animal at a carnival? Possibly a small one. I can tell you I did however accidentally stab the guy who ran the dart-throwing booth though, lmfao. He was obviously fine, and it wasn't a bad wound. I felt SOOOOOO bad. Are you a fan of narwhals? I'm a fan of any animal. Narwhals are definitely fascinating creatures. Grape or orange soda? Orange. Grape-flavored soda ain't my thing. Have you ever wanted to vlog? Noooo. My life is so painstakingly boring and repetitive. Did you have a favorite Disney movie as a child? It was and still is The Lion King. Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yeah, a GameBoy Advance and Nintendo DS. Is shyness cute? It definitely can be. Have you ever had alcohol poisoning before? No. Do you like to gossip, or do you prefer to keep your mouth shut? I'm not a gossip fan. Have you ever vandalized someone else’s property before? Most definitely not. Are your parents divorced? Yes. Have you ever been under suicide watch for 72 hours in a psychiatric ward? Yes; at least here, that's protocol when you're admitted for suicidal thoughts/tendencies. Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone or social media accounts, or do you respect their privacy? Absolutely not. That shit pisses me off so badly. Do you wear any sort of clothing for religious reasons? No. What's something you worked extremely hard to get? My sanity back. Sounds so dramatic, but I'm literally not kidding. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I remember. How many kids do you want to have? I don't want kids, but to entertain the question, when I did, I wanted three. It's fuckin wild to imagine for even a second that I once wanted that. Do you believe that being gay is a sin? *eye roll* Are you any good at photography? If so, what’s your specialty? I mean it with modesty, but I think I'm pretty good. My favorite thing to photograph are animals, but I generally take most pictures of people by request or pay. Judging by my deviantART account, my nature pics definitely get the most attention. Have you ever been a member of a gang before? Fuckin yikes, no. An infamous gang tried breaking into my childhood home once, so you can probably gather that I would never take part in their "big bad guys" bullshit. Have you ever felt like you were neither male nor female? No, I'm comfortable as a cisgender female. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? NO. Anything with raisins = NO. Do you think you’re attractive? No. Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No, not that I really passed notes to begin with. I'd be mortified, regardless of what it was about. Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? Arctic. Do you have an older brother? Yes. He's technically my half-brother, but I don't see "half"s. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Are your collarbones prominent? Bitch I wish so I could get the damn dermal piercings I've wanted for years. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? As a kid, yeah. So ugly. Do you love yourself? It's... weird. Therapy is making me realize that a part of me, maybe even the bigger one, doesn't, but at the exact same time, I know I have worth just like every other human. I just don't treat myself like I do. What TV shows do you keep up with? None, until Meerkat Manor returns this summer. :') When’s the last time it snowed where you live? A couple months ago we got a little bit of it. Is your belly button pierced? No, but it would be if I was actually skinny. Just in my personal opinion, I don't at all think that that piercing would look nice on someone as overweight as me. Even if my damn dreams come true and I lose all the weight I want, my stomach will never look "normal," even after I get the excess skin removal surgery that will be very high on my priority list for my own self-image that's been nothing but loathsome since 2016. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is the obvious answer. What do you remember the most about your childhood? Lots of imagination. Parents arguing. Playing with my little sister. What age did you get your first hair cut? I have no idea. Do you have a favourite toy from childhood still? No. I wish I hadn't gotten rid of it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would you ever consider shaving your head? Nah. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Who says we don't now? Zombifying parasites already exist among insects and such, so like... it's not unimaginable to one day see one developed enough to infect humans. I sure as fuck hope not, but. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have a dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I did this many, many months ago, but I guess watch an episode of The Witcher by my own volition. I don't really do spontaneous things with how routine I am, but I had a random urge to check it out one morning. How loud can you whistle? Not very loud at all. Does anything on your body hurt or itch right now? My knees really hurt. They're getting worse. When was the last time you built a sandcastle? There's noooo telling, it's been many years. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No. Well, not a *real* one, anyway. Just the little ones for kids. If you had to appear on a game show, which one would you choose? Family Feud. What is your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I absolutely stick to what I know. I am SO picky. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? I'm not immediately sure, but there's probably something. Do you bump into things often? Yes. I've always had this weird habit of like... drifting when I walk, so I do this easily. I just kinda wander to the sides a bit without realizing it. What design is on your calendar this year? I don't have a current one. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? I did. Do you feel uncomfortable going to the movies by yourself? Nah, not really. I did that with Warcraft and it was actually pretty chill. When thinking about your dream home, what do you think would be your favorite thing to shop for? The ~g o t h i c~ decor. Do you ever listen to those lo-fi hip hop/study music playlists on YouTube/Spotify? No. Are you likelier to work harder if you’re being paid? If not, what drives you to give your best effort? I mean, yeah. I'd assume that's pretty normal. Does the fashion sense of a potential partner matter to you? No. Is there anything that you prefer to write down rather than type? I'm unsure. If you download/torrent things, do you remember the first thing you ever torrented? Oh, the Limewire days of music pirating... but no, I don't remember. What was the last thing you posted on Instagram? Something photography-related, but I don't feel like checking. What do you wish your hair looked like? I wish I could pull off pastel pink hair rn. It also desperately needs a trim. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I'm sure I always will, at least a little. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Uhhhhh have I? I don't think so. Who’d you last see in a tux? Probably the groom of the last wedding I shot. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No, but I used to do that big time because I loved "rewatching" stuff when I was on the computer. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mother, big time. Who’s the bravest person you know? Also my mother. Or Sara. What profession do you admire the most? Teachers might just win. The patience that must take, among so many other things. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No.

[haddonfieldproject]

1.1.2 HALLOWEEN NIGHT, SAME TIME

<<PREVIOUS ⏺ <<CONTENTS>>

2️⃣

Haddonfield, Illinois

Chelsea Keane heard a noise downstairs. She was pretty sure it was a door slam, although it was so far away in this big huge house that it was hard to tell. She took one more long pull off of the joint and stubbed out the roach in the ashtray that sat on the little wicker table in front of her. Beside the little ceramic disc decorated in scenes of Tijuana—now covered in soot, and the remains of her joint, sat her purse. It was a bag really, one of those reusable shopping bags from McNary’s Supermarket, covered in floral prints and little orange and yellow suns, birds, and bees, and little green leafy vines that formed letters which read: Earth Day 2014.

Chelsea rummaged in the bag, around tampons and makeup cases, the occasional lipstick, chapstick, selfie-stick, and ladies speedstick and found what she was looking for. A stick of Wrigley’s Gum. She unwrapped the foil, popped the piece in her mouth, balled the wrapper up between her fingers into a nice neat silver ball, and flicked it across the space in front of her where it landed between a hot water heater and the Centra-Vac system.

She returned to her purse, retrieving a small glass cylinder bottle of Dimension, the new perfume by Jennifer Love Hewitt, and bathing herself in the baby powdery aroma, thinking to herself of a Halloween, perhaps almost twenty years previous, when she had sat on this very couch and watched the actress run screaming across a square-shaped television screen while being stalked by a hooded man with a hook for an arm. Chelsea brought a DVD case out of her purse/bag. Ripe Blood. She turned it over and looked at the screenshots on the back…and the rating. Rated R for Graphic Violence.

Haven’t come much far sense my VHS copy of I Know What You Did Last Summer, she thought. Well, at least the picture quality would be better.

Hell..it’d be a lot better.

Ellen had her own theater.

Complete with a fifteen foot by nine foot screen, reclining seats, surround sound, and even a little kitchenette to nuke some popcorn and retrieve a few ice cold pops.

Lifestyles of the rich and famous, she mused.

Well, definitely rich, but only famous if you’re into watching people have sex on camera.

And there were plenty of people who were, and they paid good money for it.

What can you say? Sex sells.

And didn’t Chelsea know it too. Hell, if she hadn’t let Zeke Yates knock her up in the VIP room almost eighteen years ago, she’d probably be doing just as good as Ellen.

Well…probably not.

Chelsea tossed the DVD case back in her purse/bag and stepped toward the door at the far end of the room, careful to stay on the plywood flooring that designated Ellen’s “Smoking Loft” from the rest of the attic.

Ellen had been the smartest girl Chelsea had ever known. Chelsea presumed she would have ended up like her older sister Deborah, who also got her start in life as a dancer at the Rabbit-in-Red, although, perhaps not quite like Deborah. She didn’t see her son turning into a psychopath anytime soon and she didn’t see herself blowing her head off in the forseeable future either. Like her sister Deborah however, who was actually her half-sister, and nearly twenty years older than her, she had commited the Cardinal Sin of the biz.

“Don’t lapse on your birth control,” Deborah had told the young Chelsea and Ellen as they stood behind her on their first day at work, watching her attach fake lashes in the dingy mirror in the back haunts of the Rabbit-in-Red. “Better yet..don’t fuck the customers at all. VIP is for dancing, not fucking.”

She had pointed a picture of her kids, taped to the mirror then. “See those.”

The girls had nodded nervously.

“That’s what I got for fucking a customer.”

Chelsea had made the mistake, which hadn’t been such a big mistake afterall. She of course was quite fond of her son Joshua, but it was safe to say that the nine and a half pound baby had tanked her stripping career and any possibility of moving into the Adult Film Industry. Chelsea had packed on over a hundred pounds during her pregnancy, and post-baby had only been able to shake twenty of it. So she had settled down with Josh’s father, gotten married, enrolled in Illinois Central College, and got her bachelors degree in Communications.

Lou Martini, the owner of Rabbit-in-Red industries had hired her back—as an editor. That, combined with the few bucks her husband Whitey made around town doing the odd handyman job here and there had afforded them a decent life, with a decent house, another child, a beautiful daughter, and an overall pretty damn fine life for herself.

Chelsea stepped out unto the landing and pulled the door shut to the attic behind her and then descended the stairs toward the common room on the third floor. There was a white leather couch and a coffee table. A mini bar sat in the corner of the room with liquor that probably hadn’t been touched in years and a few pieces of modern art on skimpy end tables that probably hadn’t been properly looked at or analyzed in the same amount of time. The room was just for show, just like a giant, lifesize poster on the wall behind a thirty inch flatscreen VIZIO. Ellen in a bikini too small for her surgically enhanced breasts, sprawled on some exotic beach, sand on her knees and elbows.

Ellen was smart.

🎃

“So who is this person?” Penny Cornell asked, popping her bubble gum loudly before she spoke.

Josh looked at her in the soft light of the poolhouse. She was dressed as Velma from Scooby Doo, and he had gone as Fred, only they hadn’t bothered to get wigs or color their hair, so she ended up being a blonde Velma and he ended up being a Fred with black hair, which, in actuality totally ruined the ensemble and had in fact led to many of their peers on the streets that night during their Trick-Or-Treating run to ask, “So..what are you guys again?”

While Josh searched the cabinets in the pool house kitchenette for a proper shot glass for the Captain Morgan he had stowed away, from a mini bar that saw quite a bit more action than the one on the third floor of the main house, Penny circled the Pool Table, the stained glass lamp casting bright and blazing hues on the side of her face as she looked at the pictures on the walls.

Plenty of pictures of a certain blonde woman in lingerie. Some in a bathing suit. Some wearing nothing at all but a properly placed palm frond, or towel, in one, the handlebars of a motorcycle. Many had the blonde woman with various celebrities. Kid Rock, holding her by the waist, holding a cigar and smiling. There was one with Charlie Sheen, another with Myley Cyrus, and an older one, faded a little, starting to yellow, with future President of the United States Donald Trump. Penny’s face as she beheld these pictures was expressionless, her unassuming eyes taking it all in like a pediatrician examining the X-Ray of a kid who just broke his arm in two places.

“She’s known as Misty Dawn.” Josh said, finding a suitable shotglass, this one featuring the skyline of Charlotte, North Carolina. “She works for Rabbit-in-Red Industries. She’s a model.”

“I can see that,” Penny said, popping her gum again. Her eyes didn’t deviate from the pictures.

“She’s been in some movies too.” Josh added, unscrewing the top of the rum, “X-rated movies. Also done some webcam and stuff.”

Penny sighed and leaned against the pool table. “I see.” She said yawning, her pink wad of bubble gum visible in the corner of her mouth. “Porn must pay pretty well to have all this.” She said, waving her hand across the room to indicate that by “this” she meant this particular poolhouse as well as the mansion and the grounds beyond.

Josh poured a shot and held it out to her. “She’s kind of a star.”

Penny grunted and took the shot glass. She downed it, winced, coughed, and held it back to him. “And your mom knows her from work?”

Josh took the glass and poured another shot. “She and my mom grew up together. They were best friends in high school. Her real name is Ellen.”

Josh took the shot. He also winced and coughed.

The sound of heavy metal filled the room.

It was Josh’s ringtone for his cellphone. He pulled it from his pocket, looked at it, and then looked at Penny frowning. “It’s my mom.” He said and hit the green button on the screen.

“Yeah?”

Penny pulled her own phone out to look at it. Josh replaced the cap on the Captain Morgan and went about replacing the bottle into the minibar and the shotglass into the cabinet from whence it came.

“We are back mom,” Josh was saying, “Penny and I are outside. You probably heard Maddie, Dylan, and Cammie come in.”

Josh rounded the bar and took his girlfriend’s hand, pulling her toward the sliding glass door that led to the pool deck.

“Yeah mom, we’re coming right now.”

He hung up the phone and slid the door shut behind them. Penny was looking at the pool and the adjacent spa.

“I wanna get in that hot tub.”

Josh put a hand on her butt. “I wanna get in there with you.” He smiled wryly.

“Shoot, it’s hot enough to get in the regular pool.” She said as they started toward the main house.

“You’re telling the truth.” Josh replied.

🔪

“You’re gonna fall and bust your head if you don’t stop running around with that sword!” Cammie Cornell, age eight, dressed like a bumble-bee, complete with clip on wings, said, standing cross armed on the hearth.

Dylan Rawls, age thirteen and dressed like a ninja, was chasing little Maddie Keane, age five, dressed as Princess Elsa from the animated Disney film Frozen. Dylan had a plastic sword and was waving it at Maddie as she ran away from him in a circle, laughing and screaming and all the while making motions with her hands in an effort to use her “powers” to freeze Dylan in ice like her character would have been able to do in the movies.

Dylan, despite having already started puberty, was not a very mature boy. This could have been due to a lack of attention given to him by his mother, or as some psuedo-scientists would have suggested, it could have been due to a diet high in processed foods and high fructose corn syrup. His mother had never had him tested for mental defficiencies, mostly due to a nagging worry that he would fail the thing. Dylan wasn’t mentally challenged, that wasn’t quite right. He had been tested for and diagnosed as ADHD by the time he was seven, but then again so many kids were and his mother hadn’t really believed in it or the medication that was supposed to, and probably would have, helped her son. Dylan was in ways a very bright child, better at all the household electronic devices than his own mother, but in other was he was just plain immature. Chasing around a five year old in a living room with a plastic sword dressed as a Ninja after acne was beginning to pop out on his face and sprouts of hair was beginning to pop out on his balls was just case in point.

Dylan stopped and glared at Cammie, about to display another example of his immaturity.

“Don’t tell me what to do, this is my house.” He said between panting breaths.

Maddie stopped and collapsed into the brown leather sofa that faced the fireplace. Her face was red and her breath was heavy, but the smile didn’t leave her little face, nor the brightness in her little brown eyes.

“Aren’t you a little old to be playing like that?” Cammie shot back.

Dylan was about to reply when they all heard a voice from behind them.

“Cammie! Get down from there.”

It was Chelsea, she was descending the stairs holding her cellphone in her hand.

“Maddie, off the furniture please.” She said.

“Yeah Cammie, get down!” Dylan added.

Cammie jumped down from the hearth and stuck her tongue out at Dylan. He returned the gesture.

“Where is all your candy?” Chelsea asked.

“We put it on the stove.” Dylan said, pointing toward the open kitchen with his sword.

“I see.” Chelsea said, her eyes beholding the three large hulking pillowcases.

“They got quite the big haul didn’t they.”

It was the voice of Josh. He and Penny entered the room from the opposite side.

“They certainly look like they made out.” Chelsea said, placing her cellphone in her pocket. She reached into her purse/bag and took out the DVD case and held it out for her son.

Josh snatched it up. “No way! Ripe Blood!? It hasn’t even stopped running in the theaters yet.”

Chelsea smiled, “The Rabbit uses the same packaging and distribution company as the company who made the film..Danger—something or other..”

“Dangertainment.” Josh corrected and passed the case to Penny who looked interested.

“Right,” Chelsea said, putting her purse/bag on the stove next to the three pillowcases full of candy. “Well they give all their clients some freebees as promotional items. That arrived this morning.”

“Are we gonna watch it?” Josh asked, eyes wide and bright.

“You better your ass we are,” Chelsea answered.

“In the theater upstairs?” Josh asked.

“Um…yeah.” answered Chelsea.

“I’m scared.” Penny frowned.

“You can’t be afraid of scary movies if you’re gonna date my son,” Chelsea said, “Joshua loves a good horror flick. He gets it from his mom.”

Josh hugged his mother. The sentiment surprised her, but she appreciated it.

“Can I watch it?” Dylan asked.

Chelsea shook her head. “It’s too scary for the younger kids Dylan. Why don’t you go upstairs and play with Maddie and Penny’s sister…” she looked to Penny, mind scrambling to remember the girl in the bee costume’s name.

“Cammie,” Penny corrected.

“That’s right, Cammie,” Chelsea continued, “until it’s time to go to bed.”

“You guys wanna see my playroom?” Dylan asked. “I have an Nintendo WiiU, a ballpit, a bouncy house, even some laser tag!”

“Yeah!” Maddie and Cammie replied in unison. The kids began to ascend the stairs.

Penny and Josh read the back of the DVD case together while Chelsea opened the fridge, looking over their snack options in regard to their theatre experience.

As Dylan, Maddie, and Cammie reached the top of the stairs, Maddie asked him.

“Can I take a turn at your Wii Dylan?”

Dylan looked back and smiled. “You can, but Cammie can’t!”

“Why not?” Cammie whined.

“I don’t let fat girls play!” Dylan replied, in another epic display of immaturity.

With their eyes on the DVD case, and her head in the fridge, Penny, Chelsea, and Josh didn’t notice or hear Cammie descend the stairs fighting back her tears and exit the front door of the home

NEXT>>

[gothamangelwings]

Just saw the trailer for Scoob! And gotta say I have mixed feelings on it. First let me say I have been a Scooby-Doo fan my whole life and have seen every Scooby-Doo Project there is. (Including ‘The Scooby-Doo Project’) From ‘Where Are You?’ all the way up to ‘Return to Zombie Island’ (I regret that last one) I have kept up and seen all modern Scooby. My favorite series is ‘Mystery Inc’, I believe it’s one of the best and most gorgeous looking cartoons ever. I loved ‘Be Cool’, that show is hilarious. Daphne is the best thing ever on that show. I enjoy ‘Guess Who?’. And love the modern movies although those can be hit or miss.

Now for the trailer...

I loved the look of this movie. The character designs look amazing, Daphne and Velma look so pretty and puppy Scooby is adorable. The animation looks great. Absolutely not complaints on how it looks.

I love the dialogue, the writing is very funny, heartwarming and charming. I laughed out loud at the “Ikea” line. The part where Shaggy gives Scooby his collar for the first time and Scooby says “I’ll never take it off” was so sweet. Again no complaints here.

Now for the complaining... the voices. Mainly two of them. Let me start off my saying that I am not a fan of using celebrity voices over professional voice actors. WB had the perfect cast right there with Matthew Lillard, Frank Welker, Grey Griffin and Kate Micucci. But they chose recognizable names that they can put on the poster. Which, fuck you WB people know who Lillard is. Stop disrespecting him Hollywood!

Let’s start with Scooby-Doo. No complaints at all. He’s voiced by Frank Welker as he has been the past 17-18 years now. Perfect. I was people complaining on Twitter that Scooby doesn’t sound right. That you’re not supposed to be able to understand him, he’s supposed to replace the beginning of all words with Rs, he’s not supposed to speak in full sentences... blah, blah, blah.... I can’t believe I’m going to say this; but here it goes... “Okay boomer”... who obviously hasn’t watched any Scooby-Doo made past the 80s.  Because if you had been watching you would know that this is how Scooby has been sounding for nearly 20 years now and Frank Welker has been doing an excellent job as Scooby since taking over full time after Don Messik’s death. As for Scooby talking too much. Watch the above mentioned ‘Mystery Inc,’, ‘Be Cool’, ‘Guess Who’ and the modern DVD movies to hear how savage Scooby can be at times. It’s great. Anyway Scooby sounds pefect.

Moving on to Fred and Daphne. I’m just going to put these two together because I have basically the same things to say about both. They’re okay. Obviously I would prefer Frank Welker and Grey Griffin over Zac Effron and Amanda Seyfried but it’s okay. Not loving it, not hating it. Just okay. I need to hear more of Daphne tho because that one line we got in the trailer was just too much of a “whatever” attitude. But it was just one line.

Now for my two problem voices

Starting off with Velma. She just sounds like Gina Rodriguez. There is no attempt at a Velma voice being done here. it’s just Gina Rodriguez. And I don’t know who to blame for this honestly. Did she go into the audition thinking “eh whatever it’s an easy paycheck all I have to do is talk” or did she have a Velma voice ready to go and the voice director was like “Nah, don’t bother, just talk normally. We need people to know it’s you”

Finally Shaggy... Oh boy... Okay Shaggy Rogers has always been my favorite character in Scooby-Doo. And not just because of inside jokes about weed or power memes. I honestly love and respect this character; have my whole life. That’s why I adore Matthew Lillard as Shaggy, he is the perfect person to step into Casey Kasem’s shoes after his retirement and later unfortunate death. Lillard brings so much energy and heart to the role. And knowing that he was upset when he found out he was being recast for this theatrical movie upset me as well. It’s just insulting. But I thought it’s just one movie. Lillard isn’t losing his role as Shaggy full time, maybe Will Forte will be good. Sigh. It’s not. Will Forte’s Shaggy isn’t the worst but it’s not good either. Especially when they could have has Matthew Lillard instead! It doesn’t sound like a Lillard Shaggy or a Kasem Shaggy. You know what it sounds like... a Scott Menville Shaggy and that’s not good. In fact Menville’s Shaggy was horrible. We do not speak of ‘Shaggy and Scooby-Doo Get a Clue’. The other day I was talking to my mother who is also a Scooby fan. This is the conversation we had:

Me: “Well as long as Will Forte’s Shaggy doesn’t sound like Scott Menville I guess it will be fine.”

Mom: (Who never heard of ‘Get a Clue’) “Why? What was wrong with him?

Me: “You never heard Menville’s Shaggy voice? *shakes her head* Okay let me pull it up on youtube. It’s painful. You have to hear it”

Pulls up a clip. Mom here’s Shaggy talking for like 2 seconds.

Mom: “What the fuck? Make it stop.”

Me: “I know right.”

Mom: “Why did they do this?”

Me: “You know he was also the voice of Red Herring in ‘A Pup Named Scooby-Doo’.”

Mom: “Really?” (She loved the whole Red Herring gag in that show)

Me: “Yeah I never watched ‘Get a Clue’ for obvious reasons. But I’m pretty sure at the end they rip off Shaggy’s face and it’s Red Herring.”

Mom: “Sounds good to me”

Will Forte’s Shaggy isn’t as bad as Menville but it’s up there. I can listen to it for more that 30 seconds but it’s not great. It just sounds like a poor Shaggy impression. You know cause every guy thinks he can do a Shaggy impression and most can’t. Matthew Lillard would have been so much better. Matthew Lillard is Shaggy.

I probably will see this because I love Scooby-Doo and it looks beautiful and seems very funny. But the voices; excluding Scooby of course, WB you had your perfect cast already there. Why didn’t you use them? Oh yeah, because you needed names for the poster. Last names in larger font that the first. And you need “real” actors to do the talk show circuit. Not like Lillard and Micucci don’t have on camera experience and have been on talk shows before.

[purplesurveys]

717

Do you judge books more by their cover, name, or description on the back? I don’t really read anymore but when I go to bookstores I do tend to flock to sections with covers I find more attractive. I’ll look at straightforward or minimalist covers over ones with too much graphic design/effects any day. Have you ever asked someone what your voice sounds like to them? Nah I’ve never asked anyone directly. When I’m curious to hear my own voice I just do a quick recording of myself on my phone. Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? I’ve seen GIFs of either an octopus or squid? camouflaging in sand on a seabed and to me was so so cool. Where is your favourite place to get pizza? Yellow Cab for fast food, Mama Lou’s if I’m spending more. Pizza Hut is too greasy, Shakey’s too salty, Domino’s is too obscure and few and far between, so those two scream perfect choices. What was the last Disney movie you watched? I think it was Tangled cause I always do a rewatch once every few months.

How do you usually find out what the weather'll be like for the next week? We only have two main weathers and they’re always on schedule, so telling the weather has always been predictable: sunny from September to April and a bit of rain from May to August. What is the design on the nearest tissue box? We don’t have a tissue box in the living room. Why have/haven't you joined Twitter? I joined in 2009 and idk back then it was a wild concept to have to answer the question ‘What are you doing?’ in 140 characters plus some celebrities like Solange and Ashton Kutcher were already on Twitter, OH and the idea of trending topics was pretty awesome too, so those convinced me to join. 

These days I like staying on Twitter because it’s pretty much transformed into a website where we can be vulnerable and depressed and, if we want to, make fun of it lmao. If we have to be fake on Facebook for family and friends we certainly can shed that on Twitter and simply be ourselves. And all the memes are there too so that’s a big plus. Are you good at rhyming? If I have time to think about it yeah. But if you mean like freestyling then no. Will you be watching season 6 of Futurama when it airs? I’ve never seen the show. Have you ever done a run/walk for charity? Nope. When's the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? A couple of years back when Gab slapped me in her sleep D: Why do you/don't you enjoy horror movies? I like seeing how filmmakers and FX artists can push the limits of what counts as horror or creepy or disgusting, or what makes audiences scream. The last horror movie I watched wherein I felt the crew really achieved this was Midsommar. Until now I can’t with that fucking pulsating flower. Has anyone ever applied your makeup for you? How did it work out? Yeah when Kate was still a student she would put makeup on me whenever she was bored. She’s a great artist! I never looked bad when she worked on my face.

Do you have any celebrity's perfume? Yeah, Beyonce’s. How well do you do at Scrabble? Scrabble used to be my PE elective (hahahahaha yes it’s a PE in my school) so during that point I was quite good and saw an improvement in my skills. But that was like 3 years ago and I’ve played literally zero scrabble since the class ended, so I’m guessing I’m back to square one when it comes to strategy. Who is your favourite Scooby-Doo character? Daphne was one of my first girlcrushes ever. I’ve never seen the show though so I’m purely going off based on their looks. Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? No. How do you assume people judge you when they first see you? Quiet, intimidating, unapproachable maybe. What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? I didn’t have a cake; I had sushi for lunch and katsu for dinner. Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Will fucking Arnett simply for his work on Free Churro. I find Tom Kenny’s and Tara Strong’s talent to be extremely versatile as well. Does your dad wear a watch all the time? Only when we go outside. Has breast cancer ever affected someone you know? I’m sure I know a few people whose moms have had it, but I wouldn’t be able to recall who. How much ice cream do you think you'd be able to eat before you got sick? Just a small bowl of it as it’s not my favorite dessert. I like taking my time to eat my desserts, so ice cream’s nature of melting in like 10 minutes just clashes with that quirk of mine. Do you have any unusual sleeping habits? I don’t know if I do anything weird while I sleep but I only have two positions I can fall asleep in: hugging a pillow and sleeping on my side, or sleeping on my stomach. If I try any other position, it’s hopeless and I 130% won’t be able to fall asleep. I also barely move in my sleep and I typically wake up in just about the same position I fell asleep in. Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I knew people from high school who were already growing white hair. How well would your family do if you were on Family Feud? My dad and I would probably be saving our team’s asses. My mom would just be there for comic relief since she buckles under pressure and my sister would probs mess up some categories here and there. What is the latest time you've gone to bed in the past week? 4:30 AM. Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? Yes. I study journalism - we have our ways lmao. Why did you read the last book that you read? I needed to, for class.

[killerqueenjoy]

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

[daniellesimagines]

30 Questions Challenge

Rules:

-tag the person who tagged you -answer the questions -tag 20 people

tagged by my love @calinthewatermelonshirt!!!!! i didn’t know which blog to do this on so i just decided to do the one ppl actually pay attention to lmao

1. How tall are you? 5′3″

2. What color and style is your hair? brown, naturally it’s curly af but i usually straighten it if i wanna wear it down 

3. What color are your eyes? blue (thanks mom love u)

4. Do you wear glasses? unfortunately lmao

5. Do you wear braces? not currently but i had them in 7th grade and they did fuck all

6. What’s your fashion sense? gross mostly

7. Full name? danielle nicole ✨✨

8. Where were you born? indiana

9. Where are you from and where do you live now? indiana

10. What school do you go to? i'm not in school anymore god bless

11. What kind of student are you? i was an a/b student with c+ tendencies (occasionally a d but thats only bc i fuckin suck at english)

12. Do you like school? it was alright i guess i made it though lmao

13. Favorite school subjects? algebra just bc it was easy for me

14. Favorite TV shows? ncis (ziva episodes obviously), ghost adventures, psych, monk

15. Favorite Movie? unstoppable, moana, apollo 13, the live action scooby doo (not even for the meme bitch i just love those movies)

16. Favorite Books? the fault in our stars, paper towns, turtles all the way down, one of us is lying

17. Favorite pastime? listening to music, writing

18. Do you have any regrets? so many things lmao

19. Dream job? concert photographer, author

20. Would you ever like to be married? i’d like to but will i ever be?? probably not

21. Would you like to have kids? yes but i’d rather adopt

22. How many? 3 or 4 i think

23. Do you like shopping? yes

24. What countries have you visited? united states

25. Scariest nightmare you have ever had? i’m sure i’ve had scarier ones but the ones where my parents have tried to kill me were up there lmao

26. Any enemies? if i do idk who they are

27. Do you have a significant other? no

28. Do you get along with your family? usually

29. Do you believe in miracles? no

30. How are you? i’m alive i suppose

the only person i know that would actually do this is the one who tagged me lmao so if u see this and u wanna do it, just say i tagged u bby 

[bishophazel]

90 or more things! Learn junk about me! Yeah!

...not gonna lie, I’m a sucker for this bologna, danke schön @thunder-lightning-strike...

LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: Colin 3. Text message: Colin 4. Song you listened to: oh sweet jezus it was this Game of Thrones thing where a guy sang “fucking game of thrones, fucking game of thrones..” over the theme music. 5. Time you cried: yesterday, but it was something moving, not sad.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: like, gone on two dates? yes. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Not that I recall... 8. Been cheated on: Yes. Gross. Don’t cheat kids.  9. Lost someone special: Yes. Several someones. 10. Been depressed: yes.  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no. I guess I’m like, super prudely? Prudish? 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. forest green 13. burgundy 14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes 16. Fallen out of love: Nope 17. Laughed until you cried: all the time... 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, scary story 19. Met someone who changed you: I met some amazing travelers from Germany who have been helping me with my German, and I am planning to visit them next year. 20. Found out who your friends are: surprise! They are all Scooby Doo characters. Yoinks! 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: at least a portion. okay, all of them. 24. Do you want to change your name: just the middle one 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I got hospitalized with spinal meningitis. No joking. happy 29th!  26. What time did you wake up: Today at 9:00 am, like the slug I am. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Dream Catcher. Mistake! 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Well, I just saw Rammstein (pees all over self) (best thing in my life maybe) but this fall I am applying for a PhD program, and I’m pretty fracking stoked for that. Oh my god...that makes me so lame. Let’s try again. If I am well enough, one of my best friends and I are registered for a Tough Mudder.  29. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago. :) she baby sat my doggo. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: this one is tricky... but I would like to not be sick anymore.  31. What are you listening right now: silence and crickets. the night is warm, and the windows are open. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes. I have a scary church story.  34. Most visited Website: literary agent sites... and tumblr... sssshhhhame

LOST QUESTIONS

35. Mole/s: so many 36. Mark/s: scars and tattoos 37. Childhood dream: a recognized science fiction author 38. Haircolour: brown turning grey. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Till Lindemann, Richard Kruspe, Scarlott Johannson my husband Colin

41. What do you like about yourself: my insane level of dedication to things I care about. 42. Piercings: three in my left ear and one in my nose. 43. Bloodtype: neeehhhh I am not sure?? 44. Nickname: Elf, Pidgey, V 45. Relationship status: happily married but willing to have an open relationship with Rammstein and sushi. 46. Zodiac: Libra 47. Pronouns: She/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Stranger Things 49. Tattoos: several tattoos in elvish from LOTR. They each mean something different. 50. Right or left hand: left. 51. Surgery: None, but I did get a gnarly spinal tap. :D 52. Hair dyed in different color: black

53. Sport: Oh shit... when I’m not in recovery I do a lot of sports... my foundation is in ultramarathon, but lately I am hardcore into weight lifting, mountain biking, Dance Dance Revolution, and archery. I am probably the best at archery. I shoot traditional recurve compete nationally... right now however I can’t hold my bow as my write arm is screwed up...so hopefully will be back in the game for 2018! 55. Vacation: I would use some of those! 56. Pair of trainers: what does this mean?

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: like, right now? Nothing.  58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: take a bath and go to sleep 61. Waiting for: Rammstein again 62. Want: a publishing contract. And telekinesis.  63. Get married: already married 64. Career: writer, former barista, maybe a professor someday?

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs. 66. Lips or eyes: for what.? Eyes go better in cocktails.  67. Shorter or taller: who? 68. Older or younger: are we talking about partners? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms...but also abs... 71. Sensitive or loud: we  are talking about date bate, aren’t we? 72. Hook up or relationship: either are fine. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Well, I did break into an abandoned prison once... so a dose of trouble is preferred..

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: No. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yes. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no. 77. Turned someone down: Yes. 78. Sex in the first date: No, but in retrospect, it would have been fun. 79. Broken someone’s heart: I don’t know. 80. Had your heart broken: it’s hard to say... depression and heartbreak are similar sometimes. 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: Yes. 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: In some respects, yes, in others... I am undecided.  85. Miracles: Not really, but I want to be proven wrong. 86. Love at first sight: No. 87. Santa Claus: Always and forever. 88. Kiss on the first date: Yeah, why not? 89. Angels: No, but let’s get @thunder-lightning-strike started on aliens. 

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name:  @codenametex-blog, @drasilvergon, and @revvingintoreality...it’s okay to have more than one. Tex is my oldest. 91. Eyecolour: Uhh, mine? grey 92. Favorite movie: Cloud Atlas, Lord of the Rings, Mad Max: Fury Road

[rantceratops]

Secrets

It’s been a while since I did one of my rewatch posts, and what better episode to hop back into the swing of things than Secrets? I remember the morning after this episode aired, I got my mom to sit down and watch it with me over breakfast because Artemis and Zee kicked so much ass and I figured she’d appreciate that (as well as the Marvin the Martian reference, hehe).

Nothing bad ever happens on Halloween, amiright?

I like how that museum curator guy just happens to decide that he REALLY needs to say the Beowulf sword incantation for that cop, you know, just in case some wacko in a cut up trench coat is crouching up in the rafters nearby and might need it or something. How considerate! (dude, you could have prevented this ENTIRE episode from happening if you had not said that. YOU HAD ONE JOB.)

“Mediocrity such as this is never far from Harm.” Is Harm insinuating that he attracts mediocrity? I know he means that as a compliment to himself but I just can’t help but see it as he’s a loser so he attracts other losers.

Harm reminds me of a guy that I went to high school with, that always had really long hair and wore all black and a trench coat like all the fucking time. I shit you not I think of that guy every time I watch this episode, the resemblance is uncanny.

In fact now I’m just imagining that Harm was some fucking edgelord that was like obsessed with old legends and creepy shit and then somehow got stuck on the Beowulf legend and the sword and started taking things too far. 

LOL, Museum Curator is like okay see you guys, we’re fucked.

“The legends say the heart must be pure, they never said pure good.” You know, he really does have a point. 

“Really, you’re not going to join in? What kind of wolf are you?” The kind that doesn’t respond to what arguably sounds like an actual dying dog, Wally.

Leave it to Conner to get Megan to wrap some toilet paper all over him and call himself a mummy. (I’m just kidding it’s probably not toilet paper but still)

Wally please stop with your face

Awww, poor Billy! He wants to hang out with the Team! He’s so precious <3

AW YEAH AND HERE ARE THE LADIES OF THE HOUR. (well actually of the half hour but)

Okay, I really do not fucking have a clue as to why, but for some reason whenever I see Artemis in that vampire get-up my brain likens her to one of those uh... ugh, that Scooby-Doo movie with the three sisters that sang in it? Were they humans or vampires? I don’t remember but for some odd ass reason I get vibes of one of those chicks (or all of them?) from Artemis the vampire. IT’S WEIRD.

Also why didn’t they give Artemis fangs. LOST. OPPORTUNITY.

On a shippers note I find it interesting that Wally is a werewolf and Artemis is a vampire. Obviously those two creatures of the night are often heavily entwined, be it as star-crossed lovers a la Underworld, or something more like Van Helsing. I wonder if the choice was intentional, or perhaps coincidental... considering there is 0 Wally and Artemis interaction in this episode. (kind of a shame, tbh, I feel there might have been some funny potential in at least having them comment on each other’s costumes or something at the beginning) Not to mention the fact that Artemis’s angry attitude in this episode has a whole lot to do with Wally, despite no interaction.

The Justice League didn’t have a Halloween Party!? WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS.

You know, I don’t believe that Wally or Artemis were really 100% oblivious to Conner and M’gann being a thing. I think for both of their parts it was something more along the lines of wishful thinking, or perhaps shrugging off certain blatant signs of affection as nothing more than friendship. Considering that Greg said neither Wally nor Artemis took the revelation as hard as they appear to (moreso in Artemis’s case, as Wally gets over it pretty much immediately compared to her) I think that deep down they were both kidding themselves. As has been said many times before, Conner and M’gann were merely distractions for both of them, somewhere to focus their affections when they were too scared to admit they liked the other, or when the other seemed unobtainable to them. Crutch crushes, if you will. For Artemis, Wally seemed out of reach, so she went back to hot, beefy Conner; for Wally, his intense and undeniable feelings for Artemis began to scare him, so he went back to safe, sweet Megan instead of confronting those feelings.

“You are so making this up to me later.” I think we all know what that means...

“Girl’s night out.”

Artemis is like AW YEAH MISPLACED AGGRESSION TIME. 

“I know Artemis isn’t shooting straight. For starter’s she isn’t Green Arrow’s niece.” “What?” “Well, yeah, in fact she’s related to--”  Awww, Dick was just so unconcerned about it and I love that. Like, he KNOWS and he doesn’t even consider for two seconds that Artemis is the Team mole. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: DICK AND ARTEMIS’S FRIENDSHIP IS SO IMPORTANT. (if you don’t think that Dick hacked into the Bat-computer and looked up info on Artemis pretty much the night she joined then you’re wrong)

Four for you, YJ Bats, sticking up for Artemis’s right to have a secret identity! See, this is the kind of times that I like Batman.

Why does Dick almost seem sad about there not being a traitor? I never could quite figure out what that expression of his is supposed to mean, unless it’s just a kind of like “I’m stumped” kind of sad/deflated thing. IDK

I was sooooo glad we got an episode of Zee and Artemis being badasses on motorcycles, considering those two were absent for the brief motorcycle fun times in Schooled.

I also liked the headcanon that Zatanna was borrowing Robin’s motorcycle in this episode, huehue. (too bad it uh... blew up)

I fucking love that Artemis has this kind of... like, attitude of being pissed off and just wanting to pummel the shit out of something instead of actually talk about it, especially considering it’s a matter of the heart. I don’t think Artemis follows the closed off trope per se, but she’s just so convinced that Wally doesn’t want her and that the Team would shun her if they found out about her family that she’s closing herself off where she normally wouldn’t.  Like, I love that Zatanna tries to be a good friend and let her talk it out, but Artemis is only interested and venting some of her pent up anger on some hapless bastards. Her feelings and her secrets are eating her up from the inside out at this point.

“What I need is something to beat up.”

God Artemis is such a badass, can we just appreciate the fact that she’s a badass enough archer to fucking nail very precise targets from a moving vehicle? And then like, punches some guy as she’s driving past and finishes him off? 

Harm is a fucking creeper.

“You know, there were easier ways to take them.” “Pfft, they had it coming, no harm done.” THAT’S RIGHT ARTEMIS YOU KICK BITCHES IN THE FACE. (especially considering the implications of what they were going to do when circling that blonde girl... they definitely deserved the punishment Artemis dished out)

“We get it, your name is Harm!” 

“Their ridiculous garb--” Excuse me? Coming from the guy with no shirt on and a ripped up trench coat thing? Come on brah, who’s really ridiculous here? My ladies have style!

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate Zatanna’s awesome flip thing while saving Artemis, shall we?

Oh my god I forever love that Zatanna changes her fucking boots mid chase sequence because they’re impractical. XD

I’m always just a little bit disappointed that the dagger that slices Artemis’s mask didn’t leave a bloody scratch. Like, they could have gotten away with a red line on her cheek to represent it being a scratch. Idk, I’ve seen fics where she does have one and Wally asks about it and stuff like that, I choose to headcanon it nicked her skin.

I also kind of like that Zatanna lasts about two seconds against Harm but Artemis holds her own for a good minute or so. My point being that there’s an obvious contrast in each of their training, that Zatanna probably doesn’t physically fight very much due to her spells, where as Artemis is quite proficiently trained in melee as well as her bow and arrows. It’s also an interesting contrast in that they’re both technically “ranged” heroes if you will, but one of them is still more melee inclined than the other. This is in no way saying Zatanna is weak, I’m sure she at least knows some basic fighting/defense, I’m sure Zatara would’ve taught her something, but Artemis is clearly the winner here, especially with her upbringing (god knows all the shit Lawrence taught her). And in general I greatly appreciate that Artemis could have very easily just been the stereotypical “girl’s are ranged” trope with no combat prowess at all, but instead she’s inclined to both ways of fighting and in fact spends the majority of season 2 fighting melee with a sword. 

Appreciation time for the rooftop fight, as the choreography for it is particularly top-notch!

Also, Artemis is fierce!

“You wanna play without the toys?”

Artemis, please, stop, you can’t just unleash that much of your badassery at once, it’s bad for my health!

Shipper goggles: When Harm hits Artemis in the face I’m always just like wondering how Wally would have reacted to that. For no other reason than shipper reasons. I would’ve just loved to see him be all like AW HELL NAW and just rush Harm recklessly and probably get his ass whooped.

“The martians are coming, the martians are coming!” Oh my fucking GOD this part cracks me the fuck up every time.

“Watch out! They have disintegration rays!” Conner, honey, I can tell you that you’re not getting an Oscar for that line delivery anytime soon.

THE CORNY ASS MUSIC I CANT

Wally is so silent this whole episode, though, tbh. He has like two lines at the beginning and then yells about martians, but other than that he’s completely silent, it’s weird.

SUDDENLY IT’S SAW UP IN HERE.

ARTEMIS AND ZEE USING STOVE GAS TO BLOW HIM THE FUCK UP, A++.

Oh, man, Artemis getting so... just absolutely fucking livid when she finds out that Harm murdered his sister. “You did this! To your own sister! And you had the gall to write beloved!” Like, she can’t even imagine doing that to Jade, or Jade doing that to her. They are very obviously on the opposite sides of the law, but when it comes down to it Jade nor Artemis would ever do anything that would kill the other, they love each other, and the idea that someone could do that to their own sibling just fucking appalls her.

“It can’t fight us while it fights itself!” FUCK HIM UP, ART!

How does that boot taste, mother fucker?!

“I still can’t believe someone could do that to his own sister... I mean if my...”

:((( Artemis you hurt me.

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: Ghosted!

Halloween Havoc returns! Lori is haunted by a ghost and brings in LIncoln and Clyde ot fix things.. only to find out he’s actually the beloved school mascot and must enlist Lucy and her crew of goths to help her. The bar from the overlook hotel, 1900′s disco, and Boris, the best loud house character i’d never heard of all insue. All hail boris, and prepare for full review with spoilers. under the cut. 

We’re back! I’m sorry this is a week late. This is both due to having a LOT going on.. as well as my own fault for pushign this review back to do a review of the first episode of Starkid’s “Nightmare Time”.. only to have to push BOTH back after I was unable to finish this weeks’ Ducktales on Monday because I ended up having to get off it so my mom, who works from home, can use it, and because AT&T is an utter nightmare we’re thankfully leaving, so if nothing else that will hopefully never be an issue again. 

TLDR: I kept putting this one off, didn’t realize this week’s episode was in fact on this week, and now I have to get 5 reviews done in the span of three days: I have this episode, this week’s loud house, the amphibia halloween special, and reviews of Ducktales “The Duck Knight Returns” and the first darkwing duck episode “Darkly Dawns the Duck”. 

I kid, this blog will end as I too hope to end.. taking rusty and Zach with me. But i got myself into this mess and i’m getting myself out of it. I will get these done even if it kills me.. my ghost can then take care of the two fictional children. ON with the review!

We open at Fairway University. 

I had to. Lori is practicing for the big tournament coming up.. which normally would have me super excited as tournaments are my shit... but we’re not talking two people beating the shit out of each other, wether it be for the sport of it, because their master told them to, because one of htem is a demon who will end the world, or because their loved ones will be murdered if they don’t beat people up as a team for demons, nor people playing card games for their grandpa’s soul, or a grudge caused by an abusive childhood that leads to a battle over gods inside trading cards, or because the school decided why not, or because you need to both keep your godlike dragon that’s also in a card and your friends safe, or.. you get the idea. I love Anime tournaments in what anime I have watched. Me watching or reading of those is like coke to me... a golf tournament however?

Yeah i’m not big into non-wrestling sports in general, let alone one where hte main action is a ball went really far. I mean it IS impressive a golfer can do that and accuratley no less, that’s some Hawkeye level stuff, it’s just not for me. I do HIGHLY enjoy mini golf, and mini golf episodes as both simpsons and gravity falls episodes on that are a good time. I mean any episode that gets flanders to say this is worth at least one watch. 

And thanks to fond memories of my grandpa using them to get around his carnival, yes my grandpa owned a carnival and yes it was great and yes he was a great man and I miss him every day, and carting me around in them. If it were street legal i’d have one. And finally I LOVE happy gilmore. While Adam Sandler took a turn, and hopefully Hubie Halloween is a sign that long national nightmare is over, that film still holds up and is still REALLY damn funny. And by this point your probably wondering what the hell my point is.  Well the hell my point is is that in light of me liking golf related things for weird reason despite praying for death but death won’t come at the thought of watching actual golf, I love fairway university. I love the fact that a golf based college is credible, I love the fact it goes so far in it’s theme that the text books are all golf related, the dorms are all weirdly golf themed, and students apparently can get an arnold palmer at any time of night. I also assume the dorms have on demand streaming for happy gilmore and caddyshack, and a genisis with a copy of lee carvillo’s putting challenge.  Back on the actual episode at long last, Lori is putting in some driving practice and facetiming bobby. The reason the tournament is so important is that she needs to beat the evil elf Malketh at golf or else Suryr will end all life... I may of been reading walt simsons’s thor lately but admit it you would watch that. No it’s more mundane than a fire giant trying to commit universal genocide: Being the only freshman on the team, as in that good, if she dosen’t do well, she might loose her scholarship. Granted I DOUBT they’d take it away after one game, but it’s understandable why she fears loosing it: She can’t afford college any other way. Her parents finances are spread among 11 kids who all live comofrtably and while every loud would gladly give things up so she could go to college still.. Lori wouldn’t accept it. She’d be grateful.. but she wouldn’t have her family be miserable for her sake, even if it’s her dream. This is her one shot for the career she wants and loosing this would destroy her. Even if she’d still have Bobby.  But Bobby is pulled away because his customers are annoyed.. and by customers I mean just Vito.. the rest seem fine despite the line, who complalins his spumoni is melting... because apparently he can’t just have bobby get him a fresh one as Bobby would be happy to do because he’s made of pure joy and it was nice seeing him. Though I do hope to see him in college himself next season. It is WEIRD having the casagrandes season 1 paired with a season of the loud house taking place months later.. and having the halloween episode for season 2 show up months ahead of season 2 itself. 

But soon Lori has bigger problems than Bobby having to go or crushing loss... after consulting the school gopher, because the dean apparently really loves caddyshack as ANY dean of a golfiing school should. I forgot to mention it above but I freaking love that movie too. Good stuff. Back on point, Lori soon gets stalked by a g-g-g-host! And nope this ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no fooling around.. nor is it a scooby doo esque scheme. This is an actual ghost. Represented by a ball of light but .. yup they went there. And look I get the show breaks from reality a lot: Luann acts like the silver age joker once a year and gets away with it, Lisa gets up to dexter’s lab esque shenanigans on an episodic basis, and Girl Jordan isn’t part of the group despite clearly sharing their intrests and being intrested in both lincoln and stella.  There are stretches in reality.. but mostly for humor or because it’d make a good plot. Most of the plots are grounded in reality: From Luna’s entire romance arc, with her insecurities and her and sam’s worries about each other, to Luaan’s nervousness about her first kiss, to Lincoln and friends having to learn that sometimes a girl dosen’t want to date you just because their nice to you, to Lynn learning not to be a dick and hten forgetting it overnight because this show hates me, the show grounds wacky shenanigans in relatable slice of life stuff. It’s what makes it and it’s sister show work so well. Grounding the exagerated comedy with likeable relatable characters. IT’s what works.  Why I bring this up is this and family bonding show a possible trend of the show getting into more bizzare stuff. A ghost here, a secret agent there.. it means the loud world can get as insane as it wants and the reason I bring it up is simple: Is that a GOOD thing. And my opinon, it CAN be if used right. With Family Bonding the fact there are Secret Agents is just.. casually mentioned. Like yup james bond esque spies exist and have weather dominators and an 11 year old just stopped them. It’s just.. treated like a normal thing when it’s not. Here.. a ghost showing up.. is treated like someone suddenly finding out ghosts are fucking real. Lori slowly comes unraveled a bit as the first few minutes go: She deals with seeing a ghost glow on the range, having the ghost drop books on her in the library, and having it serve her an arnold palmer.. in what genuinely looks like the bar from the overlook hotel from the shining. 

I get it’s a deliberate shout out, especially since it’s bartender is a ghost. But it just raises so many questions: Was it a concidence or did whoever put this bar in really love the shining? Did he want teenagers to murder their wives and children? Did he? Is this building haunted and not just by the genearl ghost that haunts everything? Did they take this from the overlook since it didn’t burn down in the movie? Does this mean shining and loud house are the same universe and by the same token so is community and the casagrandes? WHy is a tea with lemonade called an arnold palmer? But yeah after breaking down in her room Lori can’t take being stalked by a ghost and does what 80% of people in a paranomal activity film take too long to do and calls a ghost hunter. Specifically clyde! And to my shock this is apparently the first time the two have interacted since season 2! And it shows.. their on perfectly fine terms, to the point she has his number and they can talk like humans. I like it.. it’s subtle. Again wouldv’e appricated the episode where he got over here being more finte, but still, this is better than him either passing out in his own master roshi esque blood or trying to get her to leave bobby because bobby is a saint. The worst he’s done is break up with someone because her brother made his sister cry, when none of that makes any sense but he’s dumn and noble enough i’ll allow it, and telling sergio never to come back, which his show framed as a bad thing but really I would two after two minutes with him. 

She called Clyde because he’s the brains behind the outfit... but Clyde has her on speaker. Wah wah wah. Their watching ARRRGH! The ghost adventuers style show that showed up in an episode I never saw but read about. Wah wah wah indeed, but it was apparenlty made up. Why their still into it I dunno, but apparently argh ghost blasters ARE ACTUAL LASER GUNS. This show has gone enitrely off the rails and i’m fine with that. As long as it’s funny. But seriously who gives out actual proton packs I ask you your just asking for some kid to blast himself in the face. But yeah Clincoln McCloud is on the case. And while i’m still annoyed they didn’t bring at least two more friends to play ghostbusters, presumibly stella because she’s the compitent one and Zach because he could NOT belivie in something for a change and tha’td be funny. I know i’m beating a dead horse but it dosen’t HAVE to be all or nothing with their friend groups. You do know that right writers?

I mean I get only using them here as opposed to family bonding, but still, if you can use LIam outside of his episodes you can use the rest of them.. and I don’t even like Zach but he’d be in his element here. It’s not complicated but it is frustrating.  Anyways the boys and Lynn Sr arrive with Lynn Sr making a scene.. which embarasses Lori but i’m on his side here. His oldest went to college. She left the nest. It’s a lot. Plus she apparently hasn’t visted home yet so he misses his baby. Just accept it. She also asked the boys to be subtle about their ghost hunting which does not work at all. Lori you knew who you were asking for this. It’s like asking Sterling Archer NOT to be sarcastic, loud and slightly hammered. It’s part of the process.  Natrually hyjinks insue as our heroes chase the ghost with the most... on this campus.. and end up shaming him into leaving. Yes really. Clyde even says that’s what usually works on him. Oh Clyde.. if that were true you would’ve stopped trying to break up two people clearly in love with each other for your own benift, you twit.  So problem solved right, ghost busted, no more stalking and no lori turning into a monster and ushering in 80 sequels with no real resolution right? 

Yeah I mean this is a half hour special. Everyone at Fairway starts playing off, and it turns out because they realized the ghost was missing. Yes.. everyone knew the ghost was real. Thankfully given this is a halloween episode fairway isn’t some kind of rosemary’s baby, midsommar, herditary, paranomal activity , god a lot of movies use this death cult scenario. That we’re aware of Lori may just not be the target. The team captain takes Lori aside to explain things: They normally don’t tell freshman this until after their first game because the plot says so, but Fairway has a ghost. And again what makes this work is the guy does realize people might not belivie this and while normal for the students of fairway, it’s not normal for everyone and they might not belivie in it.  But no turns out the ghost is beloved 1900′s era Caddy, Shanks Bogey, who in the moment that cemented him as a legend singelhandidly helped Fairway to a big comeback in their first tournament ever, and was given a permanent positoin after graduation. Because they train caddy’s here too which makes sense. And now his ghost lives there too and still helps to this day. OR did anyway. Now why he coudln’t of told her this or why they don’t check to make sure one of the students dosen’t bring ghost hunters around or an exorcist or ash williams?

This episode already runs on nonsense i’m just going with it. Point is LOri’s hair’s falling out, more apparenlty, from the stress as she retreats into her hoodie.. Clyde gave her one to protect her because ARRRRGH! is really freaking shameless apparently. While LIncoln dosen’t know how to put a ghost back luckily Lucy has the mortuariy club over and LIncoln sends them over. Also Lori dosen’t want dad driving them, but Lincoln was on speaker which.. yeah Clyde I might get, the only person he’d probably want privacy with is his girlfriend, he and Lincoln have the exact same running crew but lincoln has 10 other people int he house who may eevesdrop.  But hell yeah, it’s my first Lucy episode on the blog and my first with her club period. For Lucy she IS one of the sisters I like I just haven’t checked out her episodes since season 2,a nd that’s my fault and something I intend to correct. She’s adorably, hilarious in her creepiness, and endearing in how she feels ignored at itmes.. because she is. They also ALL can apparently do her suddenly sneak up on people batman schtick as they all pop up on lincoln when he mentions a ghost. But yeah I love she has her own adams family esque group of goths, and that one of them is a Haiku from an earlier episode. While he and clyde hitting it off went nowhere it IS nice for the show to actually bring back an earlier character they entirely forgot about. It’s very rare for them. 

But yeah I already like these guys, arriving in coffisn and accidently sending my new faviorite borris flying.. a boy who talks like dracula, looks like an orlock and talks in the third person, though he ends up completing a cheer pyramid, because as an intentional joke or not, fairway , a school for a sport built on quite conversation... has a cheers squad. But hey we get boris talking about his hollow bones and cheering out of it so we’re good. 

But now the goth gang can get down to business. They try the obvious first a séance which.. yeah if bill and ted and beetlejuice have taught me anything, Seance’s can only end in friendly ghost murder. Granted unlike Otho I think Lucy knows what she’s doing, I just don’t want Shanks to die. This dosen’t quite work as while there is some bubbles it’s just Froggy 2 who apparently goes here when he’s not with adelaide. Good for him, getting some higher book learning. That’s rare for frogs. Though the faces on the Club are priceless as they are adorable. 

Plan B is to set out Shank’s faviorite food, Ferminted Bean Meal.. which yes is both to set up a fart joke and may or may not exist. He also liked pigs in a blanket, which is a good gag. Lori asks why theyd idn’t go with that I say they simply did because these are professional Goths, and they will always go for the weirdest option possible. It’s who you signed on for lori. You could’ve just called the fentons at the start of this but no, no crossover for us. And yes it’d be butch heartman free but as far as I’m concerned he can go fuck himself for, most among a LARGE pile of him being a jackass, promoting faith healing seminars that among serious illnesses.. include autisim, aka equating what I have to things like alhimers and cancer. No joke there just screw him, don’t screw danny phantom it’s great, moving on.  They intend for shanks to eat it but Lori’s teamates do instead as does the one club member who has weird hair that really unernves me. I get it’s supposed to be spider like but still, the rest of the club is really well designed, including him minus the hair. Why this why. They all get stomach poisoning and blame Lori for it despite, you know, eating strange food left in the middle of campus which is never a good idea, as it’s either someone’s elses or possibly spiked. What did you think was going to happen? Lucy’s last ditch effort is partying like it’s 1900. We do get the club and lori in top hats and canes with presumibly pocket’s full of miracles. So that’s neat. But it fails thanks to the cheerleaders coming in, boris very much included. Lori is desparing,.. until it turns out the disco ball which broke offers a mirror to the other side.. and thus where shanks is.. at the graveyard just off campus. Haiku finds this school creepy and wants to go there. Me too little sister, me too. 

Lori opts to go alone.. while this shit terrifies her, understandably, it was her mess and she needs to clean it up.. even though him not explaning himself to her or anyone else did this I don’t know if he can talk so fair enough. He can however caddy obviously as Lori gives him a heartfelt apology, and then plays a round, with him helping.. though apparently returning her ball also opens a doorway to hell. Go figure. Great gag though especially lori’s casual “that was disturbing”. He dosen’t give a sign he’s coming back though. Then we cut to the game.. with no real sign lori told anyone anything.. was.. was a chunk cut out of this episode or did they just run out of time? I dunno it’s jarring but the game is down to her, and Lori ends up in a sandtrap with the sun in her eyes. But luckily shanks returns! He llfts an umbrella for her. Again I think it’s less that he’s inconsiderate and more that he’s mute.. or maybe he’s just a jackass I dunno. We don’t know enough about him. Point is Lori wins, her scholarship is secure and her family is cheering her on.. well okay her family in terms of lincoln, clyde, because he counts dammit, and her parents the rest of the girls minus lucy are absent because they needed room for her club. Whose in the sun somehow. Lori wins, Boris does an exorcist head spin, and Lucy feels he’s lost to them. I mean.. he has to go home.. unless he dosen’t have one... which is probable. Man now I want a fairway spinoff even more.. I mean just give lori and bobby an off campus place, have leni and her two friends move in, maybe throw in carol and have boris living in a hole in the backyard and we’re good. Please nick, greenlight this. I will write it for you just give me the go ahead. 

Final Thoughts:

This one was okay. As I said the reality breaks are fine if their used for good reaosn, but I felt the episode put Lori though a bit much. She hasn’t been unsympathetic in so long, and she has a genuine heartwrenching reason to want to do well and is terrified of shanks. It’s not her fault no one told her. I mean that should be in the brochure “We have a ghost but he’s a casper ghost and not a gozer ghost so your good”. I mean the fact Jack Fenton HASN’T come blaring down the campus is only because he already did that and is banned from campus. that and he drove through the comisary.. like through both walls. The Fenton Van is thick.  Point is lori goes through a lot of pain and humilation for no reason. It also feels like a two parter put into one half hour: The first half has a problem that’s seemingly solved only to have a cliffhanger with Lucy coming in as the solution. That being said I aboslutely love the mortuariy club. Why they can’t repalce spider head with rocky I don’t know, but otherwise I love em. Especailly boris who i’m fine with him staying at fairway as long as I get that spinoff> The Clyde and LIncoln antics are just “ha ha their mech dosen’t work”.. when they still have rayguns as part of the merch, though I do appricate that them running out of power is set up: Their guns discharge as a running gag so it’s no suprise their out by the time our heroes need them. And Clyde’s line about shame and guilt “Just like me!” was gold. This dosen’t really have the missed opprtunity smell of family bonding or strife of the party, it did fine enough and the scene of lori and shanks playing golf was really sweet.  It really is just okay: Not AMAZING, but not terrible. I’ve seen much worse already this season, but the creative halloweeny premise, fun with the goth gang, and general weirdness of fairway make it a hole in two. Not a slam dunk but still fun. Just because an episode is mostly okay dosen’t make it bad.  If you liked this review follow for more, as I have weekly coverage of ducktales and loud house and ocasionally the casagrandes and later today should have, space and time permitting, reviews of the new loud house, the new amphibia, and later this weekend some darkwing duck. Until then stay safe, stay spooky and happy halloween. Play us out white stripes!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #134

“i got detention ‘cuz i made a face; nobody believed me that it’s stuck that way.”

If you were to die today would your life be complete?  No. How good is Coca-Cola?  It's my second-favorite soda. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
  My niece Aubree <3 Do you have a bad temper? 
 No. Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now?
  One acquaintance, one old friend off the top of my head. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground and carry you?  Mom when I passed out. If you were in the hospital, do you think any of your exes would come see you?  Girt probably would, and he's the only one I wouldn't have a problem with visiting. If you were kicked out of your house, would the last person you texted take you in?  I'm sure they would, but it's more realistic I'd live with my dad. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do?  Skydive. What fictional place would you most like to go to?  Yo can I go to Azeroth. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?  UHHHHHH.  I'm honestly not quite sure.  But Mark is like super high on the list, if not #1.  I'm not well-informed on a lot of people's accomplishments lajsfdaowe. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way?  Hmmmm.  Good question. What is one thing you really want but can’t afford?  Lmao dude I want so many expensive things atm. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?  I almost snorted reading this question because like do you honestly expect something impressive of me.  I... guess I understand Sony Vegas well? What are some of the turning points in your life?  Uhhhh meeting my ex, the divorce, discovering my passion for photography, the breakup, re-uniting with Dad, r e c o v e r y. What’s your cure for hiccups?  NOTHING.  NOTHING WORKS. Don’t you think it’d be cool to see a colossal squid?  FUCKING NOPE THEY ARE SPAWNS OF THE NIGHTMARE REALM. What kind of steak do you prefer?  When I ate meat, I liked medium well. Has anyone ever cheated on their significant other with you?  Yes, allow me to (not) tell you about my stupid 12-year-old self. Are you fascinated by outer space?  *cue the Mark "Space is Cool" mix* Do you answer your phone when it’s a number you don’t recognize? Never. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first?  Put the soap on. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance?  The night of the breakup.  I had left the house to walk to Jason's, and Mom got in the car and kept driving in front of me to stop me (I was too practically catatonic to run).  Eventually gave up, she drove me home, and when she opened the door, it was my goal to run to the kitchen and slit my throat, but the moment I made the action to run, she pretty much tackled me and I sobbed my lungs out for like 30 minutes.  Fuck that entire night. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say?  "lol but hey thats the world we live in lol well goodnight honey and i hope to speak to u again" from Leslie, "How quaint O:" from Girt, "Its okay :)" from Amanda. Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? What does the comment say?  Sara saying "YEP" when I shared a picture of straight people dating versus lesbians and it was spot-on. Which do you use the most, smiley faces, kisses or hearts?  Faces, probs. Do you like sweet or salty popcorn? Ohhhh both.  But I've gotta side with salty. Have you ever had to put your hand over someone’s mouth to keep them quiet?  Once. Have you ever fed a wild animal?  Yes. The last time you packed, where were you going?  Sara's. Do you believe in astrology?  Definitely not. Do you have an accent?  Not really, but you can pick up a southern tone with some words.  Example, my "your" sounds more like "yer," usually. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?  No. Do you sing in the shower?  I have been a tad bit lately...  I used to never. Are you satisfied with your current camera? My phone camera is SHIT, and I need a new actual camera.  55-200mm lens is broken, the other one's automatic focus setting is and I'm not great at manual focus. Have you ever been in a choir?  In Catholic church, yes. Does it bother you to have dirt on the bottom of your bare feet?  Y E S Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt?  I literally have the flattest ass of any female you'll ever meet. Do you often skip breakfast? Pretty much daily now, yeah.  I'm fasting and don't eat until 11, so breakfast's passed. Last person who drove you somewhere (besides your parents)? Nicole. Who last grabbed your behind?  I'm sure it was Chelsea being her crazy self. Do you eat raw cookie dough?  Yeah dukes up salmonella. Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?  No. Would you survive in prison?  No.  I would find one way or another to kill myself. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?  Rarely, no, no.  I drink usually in celebratory settings to loosen up some and sometimes just because I like the flavor of weak, fruity alcohol.  Smoking's gross, drugs are ew. What was the first cigarette you ever smoked?  Never smoked. Are you scared about the end of the world?  If I'mma be in it, hell yeah.  But it's not something I actively worry about because I don't think it'll happen in my lifetime. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?  Landmarks.  I don't know street names for shit. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?  Yes. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in?  Never be caught dead in, ever... uhhhh... nothing's coming to mind right now.  Oh wait.  Probably a strip club. Apple Jacks: yay or nay?  YAY. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie?  Yeah, but I don't remember which one. ;-;  It's that one where the girl says her name is Mary Jane and Shaggy goes, "That's, like, my favorite name."  Totally went over my head as a kid lmao. Have you ever met a guy for coffee?  No, I hate coffee anyway. Who is your pet most attached to in your family?  Teddy's most attached to me, I'm the only one who has any physical contact with Venus and she trusts me, Bentley is bonded with Mom, and Mitsu is still apprehensive of anyone. Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?  The whole world and more. What do you normally do when you’ve had a really bad day?  Cry, have a shit attitude occasionally, a nap is common, talk to Sara, binge my favorite Markiplier videos. When is the next time you will wear a dress?  Hm.  Maybe this summer if I'm confident enough in my body by then lmao. On the main page on YouTube, what’re the three recommended videos? 8-BitGaming beating SCP: Containment Breach, a DanAndPhilGAMES video of Golf With Friends, and then an 8-BitRyan vid of the full release of Raft. Do you know anyone from Canada? Yeah, my former roommate's ex. Are thongs sexy? Yeah, but oml I know I couldn't wear one. Did you grow up in a healthy environment? I wouldn't say "healthy," no.  My dad was an alcoholic at the time, parents always fought, and our neighborhood was dangerous. Heavy rain or heatwave? Heavy rain, easily.  Fuck the heat. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do?  I hate these damn questions, but I'd rather die.  My father deserves the longest and happiest life possible without the betrayal of his daughter. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you?  Yeah.  It's a lose-lose situation for me; if I didn't, I'd still die if the world's gonna end. Who knows your most darkest memory or secret?  Jason and Mom should know, and whoever read those specific surveys. Who was the last person you almost went out with?  Meh.  Juan.  We talked and hung out once in... late 2016 I think and I was pretty confused as to how I felt about him.  Meanwhile, he hasn't kept it a secret in the least he's liked me since freshman year.  He's always treated me like a gentleman should, but I know the dark and disgusting parts of him.  Glad I decided against it. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles?  Stones. What does your grandma call you?  Just my name. And what do you call your grandmother?  Grammy. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub?  Pool. Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting?  No, but I have to be in the mood for one. Do you find serial killers fascinating?  I wouldn't call them as a whole fascinating, but what has to be going on in their brains to create such grotesque desires and creativities. Do you have high blood pressure?  No. Have you ever pumped gas?  No.  I'm 22 btw lmao. Have your parents ever caught you drinking?  I mean Mom's seen me with a drink when she didn't know I'd gotten one, but I wouldn't call it "caught" since I'm allowed to and I made no effort to make it secretive. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing.  Writing makes my carpal tunnel act up quickly, and besides, typing's way faster. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life. If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now?  Panicking and telling Mom when I overdosed.  I took way more than what I should've taken of a cold medicine I can't even look at now, but I don't think it would've killed me based on how I felt, but then again, the fluids or whatever I got to purge it could've saved me; however, I feel like I would've killed myself through another method if I didn't tell her.  It all led to the psychiatric care I needed. Have you ever taken a course on CPR?  No, but I should. Do you wear a watch? No, I don't even own one. When are you at your most energetic? A little after waking up.  Just gotta get over the initial drowsiness. Do you like playing cards? If so, what's your favorite game?  I don't really enjoy card games.  I liked Magic: The Gathering tho when I was with Jason, but I wasn't that good at it considering it's got like a billion rules.  I'd still play with someone who knew how to, though.  I loooove the PS3 version that was made for it, it was much easier and I found it relaxing.  And I adore the artwork like jfc. What are your parents’ natural hair colors? What is yours?  Extremely dark brown, black, dirty blonde but turned to brown. How do you react to random strangers suddenly trying to make conversation with you?  I get nervous. Do you like Slim Jims?  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS MAMA. Have you ever been in a castle? The Disney World castle, if that counts? Would you rather write a mystery or love story? A love story. Are you afraid of getting shots?  No.  I don't like them, but. What do you currently hear?  "Pour Some Sugar On Me" cover by Ninja Sex Party. What’s one text that you saved?  Two texts from Sara that I love way too much. Have you ever cut your own hair?  No. What’s your favorite color combination? Probably orange and black bc Halloween. Did you share a locker at school? No. Have you ever sang karaoke?  No. How old were you when you went on your first date?  Huh, I dunno.  Just the guy and myself?  Probably dinner with Jason at 16? Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yeah. Would you rather have strep throat or an ear infection?  Holy fuck, after my last ear infection?  Strep. Where was your first job?  GameStop. Have you ever been to a night club? No. Do all good things really come to an end?  No, not all. How many people do you trust with your life?  Three. Are you too kind for your own good?  Don't think so. Have you ever held a baby? Yeah. What's your favorite '90s TV show?  The Nanny. What are you favorite book series? Warriors. Favorite superheroes?  I know he's technically an anti-hero, but does Deadpool still count?  If not, uh.  Batman I guess. Would people consider you more immature or mature? Mature, probably. Would you say most of your friends are older or younger than you?  Younger. If you have a significant other, do you get jealous of people a lot? She knows I was insecure as fuck in the beginning.  Now, nope. Who was your best friend in the fifth grade?  Ummm I think Quiata? Do your parents still help you financially?  I don't have a job.  So. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Don't think so. Do you have a preferred brand of bottled water?  Essentia.  Thanks for not having it, NC. Are you more prone to overthinking things, or being too impulsive?  Hunny I overthink if I have to pee or not if it's not a massive need. How bad are your worst cramps on a scale of 1-10? Eh, maybe just a seven thanks to the pill. Have you ever thrown up from cramps?  No. List three people you had a hard time forgiving.  JASON, Dad, Mom multiple times. Who was your first celebrity crush?  Jesse McCartney. If applicable, what form of birth control do you use?  The pill.  But it's for cramps. Are you happy with your gender?  Yeah. What gender do you identify as?  Female. What gender were you born as? Female. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication?  No. Have you ever used a tampon?  Yeah. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty?  I don't think it's something we ever properly "talked" about, but rather indirectly when Mom taught me how to shave and told me when to start wearing a bra. How many people have you known who were suicidal?  Sadly, I think MOST people I know/most friends. What's your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Who has the cutest baby/babies you know? My nephew is literally the cutest child I have EVER seen. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Actually yes, but most because Mom instructed me to block them when I was younger.  A few are of my own volition. What color is your razor/shaver?  Orange and white. What's your boyfriend/girlfriend's sisters name? She doesn't have any sisters. Do you like the sound of violins?  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Would you be interested in going on a blind date?  Even if I was single, no. If you formed an unhealthy habit, would it be smoking or drinking? Oh boy, idk.  I think an alcohol addiction is more dangerous, but smoking has disgusting consequences. Have you ever bought a video game expansion pack? No. Do you wish YouTube had been around when you were a kid?  Nah.  I wouldn't want the risk of an earlier technology addiction. Do you remember preschool?  Yes. What color(s) was your backpack in high school?  Browns and black.  It was a Ouija board design. What health conditions do you have?  Physically, baaad dry scalp, dry af skin in general, inactive MRSA.  I've been over my mental ones enough. Have you ever collected seashells at the beach?  Yeah. Did you ever take dance lessons?  Yeah, for many years. If you took dance lessons, what was your favorite style of dance?  Modern. Have you ever worn a tutu? No. What was your favorite vacation that you went on as a child?  Disney World. Have you ever had braces?  Yeah. What is your favorite photo editing site? (or what do you use?) I don't use editing sites.  I use Photoshop, Lightroom, or PhotoScape. How many times did you take your driver's test?  I haven't yet.