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hermette-historian · 3 years

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I AM going to ask about your extremely strong feelings on academic competition, it both sounds interesting and it's also healthy to write out your feelings, even more if it's something that's personally tiring/upsetting. Just to let it all out, yknow? Of course, feel free to ignore this ask if you don't have the time and/or if it's none of our business to know u-u - 🌻

I can promise you, you’re about to wish you hadn’t asked.

I have thoughts.

For people relying on me to stick absolutely solely to Hermitcraft on this blog, I’m sorry in advance for I am but a human.

First, let’s ruminate a little bit upon why it is that I have thoughts. I attended a very large, extremely competitive public high school in the US, and I now attend an even more competitive, very small private university. Somehow not as much of a culture shock as you would think.

I, like so many of you, was designated gifted kid as a child and rode that wave all the way through high school. Only somehow, I managed to not raise any mental health alarms along the way. Absolutely smooth sailing. Crazy, right? Only it really wasn’t.

The first sign that I was destined to clash violently with the established world of academic hierarchy and resulting social superiority was eighth grade, when I had to schedule into my first high school classes. We actually had the option to take an AP class-World History. We were blanket advised to not take world history because it was a massive jump in workload from even the most difficult middle school courses, but most of my friends believed themselves to be able to handle it so they disregarded the advice. I did not sign up for AP World History that year, or any year after that. I probably could have handled it, but quite simply I was not interested. I had no drive to learn history at that point in my life. Why would I go the extra mile to do it?

I cannot exaggerate enough how unpopular this decision was. While my parents had my back then and now in the path this set me on, the people I chose to associate myself with could at no point get it through their heads that choosing something other than the highest grade of rigor for a reason other than “you’re just not smart enough” was even an option. And that sucked. It sucked for them, victims of culture and structure, and it sucked for me, a victim of their endless condescension.

I stuck to my guns all the way through high school. I took high-rigor courses, sure. I did extracurriculars. I was, and still am, highly self-motivated to achieve academically. But my stubbornness when it came to only taking on things that I was actually interested in (and never, ever taking part in something just for the resumé points) meant that while my peers were taking a full seven-course load of AP honors classes by our senior year, I only had five total.

This competitive culture, not my resumé, made my college application process a living hell. Sure, I had my choice of higher education in the end. But I only applied to six highly-accredited universities that I was actually interested in, while my peers applied to twenty at once just to flex their acceptances. Don’t get me wrong, it broke my heart to see them work so hard on an essay that in the end meant nothing, but holy hell did it turn them into terrible monsters to deal with. Calculus class (which by the way, I finally was persuaded to skip a course in order to take, worst mistake of my life) was regularly derailed by arguments over who out of that selection of 26 was going to get valedictorian. Apparently there was a tie, I wasn’t listening. I finished 70th out of 726, barely making the top 10% with a GPA well over 4.0.

These are the people that I took with me into university, not in body but certainly in spirit. I love my university and wouldn’t trade it for any other choice I could have made. But on days like today, when I’m taking a full load of courses for the second time in the midst of a still-ongoing pandemic, my GPA barely clinging to a 3.0 after two semesters of organic chemistry, three semesters of calculus (yes I had to retake that one attempt from high school) electricity and magnetism, and quantum physics, melting on the floor after a particularly terrible exam, I struggle to step back and realize that I did not come out of there unscathed. Years upon years of relentlessly competing in a race I intentionally didn’t sign up for beat me down and finally broke me. It made me feel like if I wasn’t doing the absolute most, if I wasn’t maxxing myself out taking two majors and two minors and riding for the university team and playing in the orchestra and working 16-hour shifts backstage at the theater and running a goddamn essay blog that I simply wasn’t good enough. That all of the engineers and computer scientists were better than me, smarter than me, that they knew something that I didn’t. That they were doing life right, and I was doing it wrong.

I couldn’t give less of a shit what kind of job I get after I graduate. I’ve been perfectly happy in every minimum wage job I’ve ever had. I’m in this fight because I love to learn-I find myself reading the papers on Asian history now with the same wonder with which I go into a lecture on NMR spectroscopy. I want to know all the things, learn all the languages, I want to understand every bit of the world I live in and even the worlds I don’t. But I’m also human. A human with fears and insecurities and terrible anxiety that comes from being berated and misunderstood and looked down upon for not "doing it right”. Some days, that leaves me writing a passionate blog post or god forbid an instagram comment. And some days, that leaves me in a sobbing puddle on the floor wondering why I’m not good enough, if it’s too late to turn back, and if I’ll ever be able to participate in a society that-if my twenty rejected internship applications are to be believed-requires that I also somehow learn to write code.

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libra-kirishima · 4 years

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Kinktober Day 8- Masks/Costumes (??? x Reader)

(It's one of these four idiots.)

Warnings: NS/FW Content. (It's not quite dubiously consentual but it can be interpreted as sex under false pretenses? Imagine that scene in Revenge of the Nerds but consentual. I figured I'd put the warning at the top just in case the content is triggering to someone. Also dacryphilia if you squint.)

"Did you lose your Gomez, Morticia?" A muffled voice asked you. Shortly after, a man in a Darth Vader costume sits beside you on the couch at the edge of the room which you've situated yourself in.

"Huh?" Oh, your costume... "No, I came alone." You laughed. "Well, actually, I came with one of my best friends, but I think he might've left to hook up with this boy in Gen-Ed that looks like he hasn't slept since 2008." He laughed. "So I'm here alone now. What about you, Vader? You with someone?" He shook his head. "How sad..." You cooed. "Will you stay and keep me company then?"

"Of course." The man in the Darth Vader costume moved closer to you so you were sitting shoulder to shoulder.

The evening seemed to fly past you while you talked to the man beside you. After two hours debating whether or not Leia was force sensitive, and if she could have been a Jedi in Luke's position if he had died, you found yourself with your head resting on his shoulder, with one of his arms languidly wrapped around your shoulders.

"Tired?" He asked.

"Physically? No. But parties aren't really my thing." You answered with a small giggle. "My friend- the one I mentioned earlier- he got me to come with the promise that this guy I'm interested in would be here, but I guess he changed his mind." He took a lot of interest in what you were saying, but you didn't seem to notice. "Maybe he's just not that into me. I should probably move on."

He bit his lip inside of his mask to keep from letting out an audible "fuck yes!"

"But that's alright," You continued. "Because I met you! Hey, I don't normally do this, but will you drive me home? And if you want, we can watch a movie or something? Nobody's home right now."

You didn't have to ask him twice.

One short car ride later, in which you got very handsy as he tried desperately to keep from crashing due to both the limited vision of his mask and the feeling of your hands on his body, you made it home. Very little time was wasted opening Netflix and selecting a nature documentary series about sea creatures before your hands returned to his clothed form like they were moments before.

Behind the mask, he was convinced that he'd died and gone to heaven. He was normally a pretty unassuming guy. No flashy quirk or bold personality. Not particularly good looking. Plain was how Bakugou described him once. And his friend was right.

Yaoyorozu's Halloween party was a blessing in disguise. If he had known earlier that by the end of the night the girl of his dreams would abandon her crush on some other guy for one night to take him home without questioning who he was, he would have put up much less of a fight with Kaminari about going.

His gloved hands fisted your hair as you took his cock into your mouth, all the while he wished that he could take his stupid helmet off and get a good look at you. You pulled back all the way to flash him wide, innocent eyes as your tongue circled the tip. You were going to be the death of him. He thought to himself as you sunk all the way back down until your nose met his pelvis, and he felt your throat constrict around him. Watching you slip one hand under that tight dress of yours while you sucked the soul out of him was enough to send him over the edge. You once again took him back as far as you could when you felt him on the edge, and swallowed every drop when you felt his hot seed pour into your mouth.

He slouched back on your couch, still shaking and trying to catch his breath. Meanwhile you wasted no time once again, using your dominant hand to give his cock a few strokes while your other hand reached for the remote to click the "Yes, I'm Still Watching" button. It took only a few more flicks of your wrist and another flash of those babydoll eyes (now with makeup smudged in a ring under your eyelashes) for him to feel himself getting hard again.

"You're killing me, (Y/N)"

"Good." You answered with a grin.

"Is that dress comfortable?" He asked, moreso a question as to why you haven't taken it off yet.

"No!" You giggled. "But I look fucking hot, don't I?" You were so correct in that statement that he couldn't even find the words to answer your question. Instead choosing to nod enthusiastically as he tried to catch his breath.

You slid up off your knees to straddle his lap. Nimble fingers reached out for the base of his helmet, but he moved away. Your brows knit together as you tried again, met with the same result as last time. Your hands slid back down to rest on his shoulders.

"What? You can call me by my first name but I don't even get to see you?" You teased. He panicked when he realized he used your given name, trying (and failing) to keep you from noticing. "C'mon." Your hands moved to try a third time, but we're halted by the feeling of his fingers gripping your wrists. "Why not?" You whined.

"I don't want to ruin it for you." He answered sincerely. You rolled your eyes dramatically as you lined his cock up with your entrance.

"You're too tall to be Mineta. It's literally impossible for you to ruin it for me." You explained before lowering yourself down onto him. "Besides, you're comfortable enough with me to call me by my first name so that narrows the list of people you could be down to, like, five people." He said nothing as you bottomed out, and you took it as an invitation to pull his mask off.

His wide eyes met yours. All either of you could do was stare at each other in bewilderment. It was only a few seconds but to him it felt like years.

Finally you broke the silence.

"Sero you son of a bitch! I thought you didn't come to that stupid party!" You kissed him roughly, but pulled away far too quickly for his liking. "I was so disappointed. Do you have any idea how mad I was that you weren't there even though Kaminari said you would be? Don't answer that. Yes you did! Because I told you about it before we left." You kissed him again, pushing your tongue into his mouth before he could fully process what you had said. You rolled your hips once and he stopped you. Wide hands gripped your thighs tightly.

"Wait, that was me you were talking about?" He asked, absolutely bewildered.

"Duh. Who else would I be talking about?"

"I don't know. Kirishima?"

"Actually," You laughed "I thought you might be Kirishima, because he's the only other person that knows me by my given name who would have black body hair. And I am so glad that you're not because it means that I don't have to tell him that I'm sorry but I'm still interested in Sero." You both laughed for a while until you cut him off with "So can I please move now? Because this is killing me."

"Please do." He answered. You hurriedly lifted yourself up before sinking back down. His hands slid up from your thighs to pull that tight dress off of you, tossing it in the same direction that you tossed his pants some time ago.

Sero's fingers made quick work of removing your bra and playing with your nipples as he watched you desperately chase your own orgasm. Your lips caught his in a messy kiss, all teeth and tongue. Sero could taste himself on your tongue, but to him it was still perfect. Your skin was soft under his touch and your cunt seemed to pull him back in with every roll of your hips as though he belonged there. Your mascara was in streaks down your face and your lipstick was smeared across one cheek from earlier. What little remained on your lips was swiftly transferred to him when you pulled him in for another kiss. You were a mess, riding him like you were born for this. And as Sero watched you cum while on top of him, he knew he wouldn't want it any other way.

"So can I take you on a date after this?" He asked after you had stopped shaking.

"Hanta, it's 3 in the morning."

"Not now." He rolled his eyes.

"I would really like that." You answered, hands moving to peel his shirt off. With a small smile, you curled yourself into his now bare chest. "You're fucking sexist for thinking that Leia couldn't be a Jedi, by the way."

"How is that sexist?!"

You had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

#written before we all had to wear masks and there were no parties 😔#sero x reader #sero hanta x reader #sero hanta #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #mha imagines #mha x reader #bnha smut #ns/fw #kinktober #pronouns used: she/her/hers

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my-proof-is-you · 4 years

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But Why Me? - Ch. 3

Summary: When you went with a friend to a Supernatural convention, you never expected to meet the stars of the show, let alone catch their eye…

Both Jared and Jensen show interest in you, and you can’t help but be interested in them. But who will you choose? You never want to get in the way of their friendship.

With the two attractive and sweet men interested in you, you can’t help but ask: but why me?

Pairing: Single!Jensen x Reader; Single!Jared x Reader

Y/B/F = Your best friend

This will be an incredibly fluffy fic with maybe a little angst and smut thrown in :)

A/N: Drama to come...no worries :)

Masterlist | Tag Yourself!

*Pics and gifs are not mine

You stared at your phone, your finger hovering over the message button.

You had gone through the whole next work week feeling slightly dazed and confused. You couldn’t wrap your head around what had happened at the convention, regardless of Y/B/F’s multiple calls and texts telling you to “get your head out of your ass and text the TV stars.”

Now, you sat on your couch with a glass of red wine after a particularly rough Friday at work.

You loved your job. You loved helping people. It was hard, though. It was hard emotionally. Especially on days like that day had been.

You’d been called in on an Adult Protective Services case. You didn’t usually handle those, as you mainly worked with children. The agency had several people out sick that week, though, so they asked you to assist.

You were used to horrible situations, of course. It came with the territory as a social worker. Usually, though, you were taking kids away from junkie parents and putting them somewhere safe.

Dealing with the elderly was an entire other ball game.

You let your finger tap the message button and opened a new conversation, biting your lip as you selected his name.

Y: Hey, Jared, it’s Y/N.

You waited a few seconds. It wasn’t like you were really expecting him to respond. He was a famous actor, for God’s sake. He surely had better things to do on a Friday night than text with you.

You took a sip of your wine, curling your legs up under you and grabbing the remote to play The Office on Netflix. You jumped when your phone buzzed in your lap.

JP: It’s good to hear from you, Y/N! How are you?

You smiled, extremely surprised he’d answered.

Y: To be honest, I’ve been better

You knew it was weird to be so honest with someone you’d just met, but you couldn’t help it. Something about Jared made you want to open up, regardless of how long you’d known him.

JP: Hit me with it, sweetheart.

Your heart fluttered a little at the endearing name, and before you knew what you were doing, you were spilling your whole day to him.

Y: Being a social worker sucks sometimes.

Y: I got pulled in on a tough case today. It just...broke my heart. I’m trying to let it go, but now I’m home and I just can’t stop thinking about it.

JP: Do you wanna tell me about it? I’m not sure what you’re allowed to say or anything but I’m glad to listen.

Y: As long as I don’t share names I can talk about it.

Y: It was an elder abuse case. An anonymous tip that an eldery person wasn’t being treated well in their home. The agency had been investigating it for a while, and it was to the point that they were getting the police involved. That’s when I got brought on.

Y: Jare, it was this fragile little old man. He lived with his piece-of-shit kids who weren’t taking care of him. He’s too old to do anything himself.

JP: Oh, no.

Y: Yeah. He was in a tiny bed in the basement, sitting in his own filth. He was skin and bones, clinging to life.

JP: Why would anyone do that to him?!

Y: I don’t know. It’s neglect, and it happens more often than it should.

JP: Is he gonna be okay?

Y: I don’t know. We got him to the hospital and they’re trying to help him. He was pretty bad, though.

JP: That must’ve been hard to see.

Y: It was. As the paramedics were rolling him out on a gurney, he grabbed my hand. He looked right in my eyes and said, “thank you” with a toothless smile.

JP: Wow. That breaks my heart just hearing about it.

Y: Thankfully his kids are going to jail. They’re gonna still be fed and have a place to go to the bathroom and sleep, though, while their father fights for his life because they didn’t give him any of that.

JP: Are you okay? I don’t know how anyone can see that and be okay.

Y: I’m not great. But I will be fine. Honestly, it just helps to talk to someone about it.

JP: What about Y/B/F?

Y: I love her, I do. But she tends to get wrapped up in her wedding planning. I don’t want to bother her.

JP: I’m sure she wouldn’t see it that way. I get it, though, and I’m glad to be the one to listen :)

Y: Thanks. I really do appreciate it.

JP: So...have you thought about going on a date with me yet? ;)

Y: I wasn’t sure you were serious haha

JP: Of course I am!

Y: Well, I’ll let you know. I’m still not sure…

JP: Take your time, honey. I’ll be here.

Y: Night, Jared

JP: Night, Y/N.

You sat your phone down, your heart beating fast. You still couldn’t believe that Jared wanted to go on a date with you. He was just so darn sweet.

Your phone buzzed in your lap again, this time with a new text from Jensen Ackles.

JA: You picking Padalecki over me already, sweetheart? ;)

Y: I take it you two are together right now? Lol

JA: Maybe...I caught a glimpse of your name on his screen and just had to see if you’d decided about going on a date with either of us yet.

Y: …

JA: No pressure, of course. And if you are going to just go on one with him, I totally get it

Y: No, no, it’s not that. I told Jared that I just didn’t really believe you two actually wanted to date me.

JA: You’re damn straight I do.

Y: Well, like I told him, I still want to think about it.

JA: Okay, okay, I’ll back off. How have you been?

Y: It’s been a rough one, I won’t lie. I feel better, though.

JA: Good. You deserve to laugh.

Y: Did you really just send me a gif of yourself you got off the internet??

JA: Yes. Did it work?

Y: Yes, yes it did.

JA: Good. Can’t wait to see you laugh in person again.

Y: Such a flirt. Goodnight, Jensen.

JA: Night.

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14 @divadinag @lynne1993 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @onethirstyunicorn @sammykb1994 @lilulo-12 @mellorine-paprika @tranquility-or-chaos @collette04 @hoboal87 @chevyharvelle @miraclesoflove @defenderrosetyler @babypink224221 @calaofnoldor @beatifuldisaster018 @satans-0-spawn @coffeebooksandfandom @supernatural3002 @lainxcas @mylovelydame21 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @lovely-lynns-likes @ppeachygemss @screechingartisancashbailiff @metalfangirl @vicmc624 @polina-93

Deanies/Jensen:

@tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @akshi8278 @weepingwillowphoenix @playingdeep17 @justanotherwinchester @flamencodiva @caligraphee @jxackles @kalesrebellion @heavensangel45135 @screechingartisancashbailiff @miufel @squirrelnotsam @lovely-lynns-likes @smokinserious @notan-applepielife @screechingartisancashbailiff

But Why Me?

@anaelsbrunette @afangirlsbubble @afangirlreacts @supernatural3002 @athenamikaelson @jessieleetaurus @thefemalestorywriter

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wheresmogs-blog · 6 years

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Bogi’s dream came true: we visited a coffee farm

Laos probably doesn’t spring to mind when you think of coffee, but it’s the world’s 22nd biggest coffee producer, and coffee is a key part of everyday life - something I was very pleased to see upon arrival. In Luang Prabang and the capital Vientiane there are plenty of swanky coffee shops to choose from, and they all proudly serve Lao coffee. It actually made me think, how it nice it must be to live in a country that grows its own coffee, as opposed to having to import it, which obviously makes your cuppa more expensive and a lot worse for the environment. The lucky Lao!

Coffee is one of the very few things the Lao can thank the French for. As colonisers go, the French were rather useless: they built no infrastructure, no schools, they simply invaded Laos because it’s wedged between strategically more important countries they also wanted to invade. That aside, the clever French figured that the Bolaven Plateau in Southern Laos, with its volcanic soil and hot climate, is ideal for growing coffee plant. Merci guys.

I first read about Mr Khamsone’s coffee farm tour on a blog as we were researching Laos (because, quite frankly, we knew very little about the country). With great skill, I managed to convince MJ to come back to Laos after travelling through the North of Vietnam - not knowing that this will manifest in a gruelling, 24 hour journey that would see us being dropped off a sleeper bus at 4:30 am at some unattractive town’s Soviet-inspired bus station, then standing on the side of a road in hope of being picked up by another bus that would actually take us to Laos.

It’s gonna be worth it, when we get there! - I kept saying to the man who can’t even drink coffee.

Anyway, we made it back to Laos, and the next day we were on our way to a village called Paksong, to meet Mr Khamsone. He said he’d pick us up in his jeep to take us to his coffee farm - and so he did, rocking up at our meeting point like some bad ass chauffeur in what turned out to be a 70 year old Chinese jeep. Despite its appearance (think WWII tank) it did a pretty good job at tackling the infamous Laos ‘roads’. We were given huge plastic bags and medical masks (always a good sign when getting into a random person’s car) to protect our bags and lungs from ‘The Dust’. The beauty of this part of the world is that you’ve got 2 options: in dry season it’s the omnipresent Dust that gets into everything and sticks brilliantly to sweaty skin, or in the rainy season the roads become so muddy that you can’t get anywhere.

The thoughtful Mr Khamsone’s itinerary really took the sweat and dust situation into consideration, and so our first stop was at a remote waterfall where we could go for a refreshing swim. Then we were taken to another waterfall, this time parking our jeep in the water because, why not. We got into the lake and swam through the cascade of water into a little cave, which turned out to be more challenging than we’d thought: the sheer power of the water creates a strong ‘wind’ that pushes you away, and the closer you get, the louder it becomes.

After all the aquatic fun, we drove to a nearby village where literally everyone makes a living from coffee. This time of the year is great for visiting as we could see the various parts of the process all around the village: freshly picked coffee berries were laid out to dry in the sun; some people were operating a rather DIY looking machine getting the dried skin off the beans, others were sitting on the ground sorting through bags of green beans and categorising them, hand-picking the best ones and discarding the ones that have even a tiny bit of defect.

Walking through the village, the labour intensive nature of growing coffee really hit us: you realise how much work goes into a single cup of coffee, how many hands touch the humble bean before it even gets sold to roasters, and then to coffee shops. When your barista hands you your £2.50 flat white in a painfully cool cafe in Central London (like I used to do), you don’t think of the farmers growing the beans, whose name might be mentioned somewhere, but you’re even less likely to think of the dozens of anonymous workers who nurtured, picked, processed and selected the beans so that you can face the day and the numerous pointless meetings you’ll have. And I guess that’s fine - as long as these people are paid and treated fairly.

In this part of Laos, both Robusta and Arabica varieties are grown. The cheaper and stronger Robusta tends to stay in Laos and is consumed by the locals, while the more expensive and high maintenance Arabica is exported, mainly to the neighbouring countries. There’s more money in Arabica but it also needs a lot more care and attention, so it’s a bit riskier. Mr Khamsone tells us how in 2014 he lost a lot of money when 6 hectares of his coffee farm was hit by frost. Since then, all his coffee plants are grown in the shade, protecting them from extreme temperatures.

After a delicious home made lunch at Mr Khamsone’s house, we were shown around the coffee farm itself - a much awaited highlight of the day. I’d never been to a coffee farm in my life, in fact, I’d never seen a coffee plant in its natural habitat, so I was well excited. Drinking my post-lunch coffee whilst walking around the plantation where is was grown, it was like Christmas for me.

The farm itself is truly beautiful. It spreads over 16 hectares on the slope of a small hill. Just like a well-maintained vineyard, the trees are planted in neat rows, each one exactly 2.5 metres from the other. What makes the farm particularly pretty is the acacia trees that are planted purposefully to create a canopy over the coffee plants and protect them from the heat and cold.

I can only imagine how nice it all looks with the berries still on the plants, but the harvest had happened a few weeks ago so it was all just beautiful green.

After the tour of the plantation and a gentle hike to the hill, we returned to the farm to roast some coffee. At this point I was properly taken back to my dad’s place in Hungary, where he makes his famous (infamous?) palinka, a punchy fruit brandy many of my friends are familiar with. He distills them from various fruits in the back of his garden, and whilst the process is 100% legit and he knows what he’s doing, it does look a bit home-made. No fancy equipment or sterile labs, just basic tools and a lot of expertise.

Standing in Mr Khamsone’s back yard in rural Laos, I got a sense of admiration - in the middle of nowhere, this guy has built himself a coffee roasting machine. It’s a clever piece of Lao engineering: a massive metal drum rotated above a grill that is fuelled by gas from a canister. I got to contribute to the process by expertly managing the handle that rotates the drum.

In a more professional environment you’d time the roasting and you’d have a little window allowing you to see how the beans are doing in there, but Mr Khamsone is a man who doesn’t need all that fancy tech. He knows when his coffee is ready by the smell alone.

He explained the different phases of roasting to us: first it smells like popcorn, then in 5-10 minutes it’s like a bakery, then chocolate, and finally, at about 15 minutes, it smells like what it is: freshly roasted coffee.

Opening the roasting drum, it again felt like Christmas Day. The beans were now dark brown, shiny, slightly smaller than before, and they smelt amazing. Sadly we couldn’t try them as they needed to rest and release some CO2 for a few days. But we did get a bag of beans roasted a couple of days before, to take with us.

Before we finished our tour and headed back to Paksong, we walked through another part of the village and chatted about Mr Khamsone’s plans. He wants to build couple of bungalows above his farm, on top of the hill, so his guests can enjoy the amazing view. He even talks about a yoga retreat. While he’s happy to see more tourists visiting his farm and the area, he’s strongly against tour agencies bringing in big groups of tourists. We totally understand why he’s keen to keep his tour small scale and intimate.

We feel lucky to have had such an authentic experience, and got a glimpse of how some Laos farmers and rural people live their lives. From a tourism point of view, Laos is still less popular than its neighbours (being landlocked sucks! Take it from a Hungarian) but there’s so much to see and experience there, and the people are absolutely amazing; one of the friendliest, most relaxed people we’ve met. We feel that as a country still recovering from a devastating war that saw the US bombing it for 9 years, Laos deserves the attention of the world. So if you ever get a chance to visit this part of Asia, give Laos a chance.

Or just look out for Lao coffee in your local coffee shop.

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kitto-toberu-sa · 6 years

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Sailor Moon The Super Live Report - August 31st (first performance, heart team)

Place: Aiia Theatre Placement: Row 10, Seat 42 (middle, far right)

First, I swore I wasn’t going to buy merch and am SO glad they had so little on offer ;; I bought the pamphlet (which is basically a double sided poster, one of the main image and the other side being info with pics of the different teams) and the light stick.

Second, the show isn’t sold out. Sure, it started a little early (7pm) but it was a Friday night and opening night of a mega popular franchise? Strange for it not to have been sold out, especially since the theatre isn’t that big. (For reference, I was in row 10, seat 42, and the seat next to me was empty, as were others around me). There have been a lot of events and new merch recently though, so I can understand.

They’re also still selling tickets at the door, and are giving out freebies. Little bookmark things of the Inner Senshi with manga art (one of each Senshi, randomly given). They’re quite nice! Another enticement is different events happening after each performance. On opening night they randomly selected about twenty people to have photos with the cast. There is also a high five event on other nights, and it looks like they give out goods on other nights.

The show is VERY dialogue light. As in, there is maybe five minutes worth of dialogue the entire show (not including the live performance part). And that’s incredibly generous. This is understandable – this show is only doing two showings in France, so the effort to translate would be a lot. It’s not cost effective. The audience also more than likely knows the story. The story is the first arc, hugely condensed. I think it worked quite well without a whole lot of dialogue. The cast had to work that much harder on facial expressions and their body language to make up for not speaking.

The show is 80 minutes long. There is no interval. After the play part, there is a song part.

Now, onto the show!

We start off with Queen Beryl and her minions. She’s controlling them and their dancing. Like, SeraMyu is great and I love it, but there is still part of it that’s stuck in years gone by. This is very modern. I don’t really know or care who Takahiro is, but he did a good job! The music and dance throughout the performance is really good! It’s very modern. Perhaps because it was opening night, sometimes the music felt too loud. Not in a good way, but in a it sometimes makes the cast hard to hear way.

Anyway, they’re dancing, kinda like cool zombies? The scenery changes on a screen behind them, showing the battle for earth. Kunzite appears and shows off his sword before taking command of the troops. Unfortunately, the sword was almost dropped… We see a screen of Usagi running – it’s kinda clumsy and ugly, but it reminds me of the live action show, which I’m very fond of, so I can’t be too harsh on it. Beryl then attacks this screen, and we come to earth, present time.

Usagi yells about being late and runs through the audience. Her entrance is GORGEOUS! Why? She’s got glitter in her school bag, so as she runs, glitter is flying everywhere. It’s super shojou and anime. Very simple and cheap, but literally everyone was smiling. I feel bad for the staff who had to clean it up though haha

She stumbles on stage and drops her brooch, and keeps going. Mamoru picks it up, teases her and as she grabs it, they start to remember their old lives. Of course, that’s weird and Usagi’s late, so she grabs her brooch and goes. They part, but then stop, turn to look at each other, and are about to go back to each other when the music starts and sends them on their way. An instrumental version of Moonlight Densetsu plays. As it plays, it shows the characters and gives their names – interestingly, the names are Romanised instead of being in katakana, and the images shown are manga panels. It makes sense not to use the live images, as there are three teams, but I wonder why they choose manga over anime. I honestly think it was a great choice though.

We get a brief scene of Sailor Moon fighting a monster. She’s dodging and crying, but she also fights back. She also cheers for herself when she gets a good hit in, which is super cute. Makes her a very human character. Tuxedo Mask does save her and gives her a chance to fight back, and she runs off after him.

It’s time for school! Miss Haruna makes her appearance~ Honestly her look is iconic (the pink suit) and I love that they brought her back. The students do a dance as they start their daily routine and test results are returned. It’s pretty cute, though too long for me to care about. Usagi rushes in, gets scolded, realises she doesn’t have her textbook, is scolded again, isn’t able to share with her friends, steals Haruna’s book, and joins in on the dance while doing all of this.

Of course, things are going fine until everyone is suddenly infected with Dark Energy (a la Kunzite lurking in the corner). Cue zombie dancing again. This, again, went on slightly too long. It wasn’t particularly good, and the costumes were a little tacky – essentially the stage was mostly dark and certain parts of the zombies/infected people lit up (glow in the dark socks and so on). Usgai basically runs around screaming for a while until Tuxedo Mask comes to save her. Understandable – she doesn’t want to hurt her friends or transform in front of everyone.

Unfortunately, Tuxedo Mask dropped their cane and stepped on it, almost falling. She caught herself really well, so props to the actress there. (I believe it was this scene – could have been the arcade scene)

She fawns over Tuxedo Mask again and after the day is saved, class is over. Everyone leaves as Usagi daydreams with these ridiculous heart eyes. A scene that reminded me of the theme park episode from the 90’s anime – they have a sort of carousel thing going on, and it’s very fairy tale like. It was very nostalgic to see it and remember the old anime.

Afterwards she meets up with everyone who scolds her for being late. They sing about how they met – a very cute and sweet song. Then suddenly we’re in Harajuku!

This part is sort of odd if you live in Japan. Since this production was made for showing Japanese culture abroad, for the Japanese audience, this didn’t have a lot of meaning for the home audience. It was also horribly outdated. The gothic Lolita outfits were ugly and super outdated, and I don’t really associate Harajuku with gothic Lolita. Nowadays it’s a variety of different looks and it would have been super nice to see a variety of styles shown, as well as styles that are from this decade ;; The outfits that the Senshi changed into were ugly clown like outfits and I hate them too.

However, it was a nice attempt in showing off a variety of Japanese things. For example, the girls do a bit of traditional dance (fitting for Bon Odori at this time of year) and also eat fairy floss (cotton candy) and crepes that Harajuku is famous for (at least on Instagram ;p). They also have the dancing with the light sticks, which… isn’t a Harajuku thing ;; More of an Akiba thing, but it’ll slide!

Usagi is separated from the group and ends up the arcade. Mamoru teases her for being so bad, and plays himself. He gets a high score and they high five, before they both remember they’re meant to hate each other. Kunzite is in a mascot outfit, shakes his bottom at Usagi who touches it and shows her a new game to play. I’m… not sure why this was necessary? I mean, it’s low key great, and bizarre, especially because Kunzite initiates it? I just… don’t understand it…

Mamoru is sucked into the Sailor V game, and keeps getting beaten up because Usagi sucks so much. He’s trying to get her attention but she’s too focussed on trying to win ;; She gets better in the second round and Tux is pleasantly surprised. He then promptly dies ;;; On her third attempt, Kunzite throws her into the game too.

The Senshi appear to fight. Their introduction song is honestly a fave of mine. I believe it (and all of the songs) are remixes of old songs (both anime and musical). If I find out which ones they are I’ll edit this post (I currently don’t have internet at home..). This scene is pretty good. Unlike some of the other dance scenes which drag, this scene, through song, tells about the characters and their powers.

Tuxedo Mask is taken away, and everyone is unsure of how to comfort Sailor Moon. I think it’s fitting that Venus is about to step in, but Mercury ends up talking to her first. And by talking, I mean singing Otome Policy. A lot of the performances are predictable in that they go by the order of which the Senshi appeared, so it would have been nice to have that shaken up a bit, but it’s not that big of a deal.

In Beryl’s world, Tuxedo Mask is possessed. Beryl is very pleased and they start to tango. The actress is wonderful – Tux is possessed, but isn’t fully under Beryl’s influence, so there’s point he tries to break free or doesn’t follow along. This was pretty believable! Beryl, on the other hand, is unconcerned – she’s in control and enjoying having the man she wants with her. Meanwhile, Kunzite lurks in the corner.

They teleport to Beryl’s world where they fight Kunzite and his creepy zombies. Honestly if someone aggressively danced their way at me I’d be terrified lol! Kunzite is super strong, and takes down all of the Senshi. Venus gets her sword and fights Kunzite, but they both remember their past. Beryl isn’t impressed and he ends up dead.

This scene was really touching. I felt a lot for her. They show Kunzite’s soul floating away, and her following it briefly, trying to catch it. She realises it’s no use. Everyone goes to comfort her, even though they don’t particularly know what’s going on.

They then have to fight monsters and Mask. Honestly, everyone except Moon and Venus should have been stronger than they were. Venus just got an unwelcomed flashback from her past life and lost her former boyfriend, so it’s understandable when she fails. Moon is fighting the love of her life. Everyone else felt a bit weak.

The Senshi end up dying, and Beryl kills Mask when he responds to Usagi.

Usagi is left with Beryl, and kind of… interpretative dances her feelings out? The start is a little long and messy, but as she starts to go from no confidence, I’ve lost everything, why try?, to I have to do this, I can do this… it’s amazing. She’s taking all of Beryl’s hits and throwing them off and is the strong Sailor Moon we all love.

Beryl tries to suck her up with her darkness, and Sailor Moon walks straight in. She comes back out with her new Moon Stick, glowing brightly. She beats Beryl and dies? But Tuxedo Mask brings her back with a kiss. The other Senshi return as well.

Unfortunately, Mask accidentally turned the Moon Stick back on ;;; I don’t think it really need to be turned off in the first place. (Especially because it looks very ugly and cheap turned off – it’s also silver, when I think pink would be better suited) But that marks the end of all the obvious mistakes. For a first try, it isn’t so bad! I think they could have been fixed easily, with perhaps a bit of design done differently.

From here, there are some quick bows before the song portion.

Song part When it comes to singing, everyone was really good. However, Sailor Venus (Sena) stood out. Perhaps I’m a little bit biased, as Sena is the reason I chose this team over the others, but still. The others faltered a bit at times, or their mics weren’t properly in position, or their voices weren’t loud enough. Sena wasn’t perfect, but out of everyone, her voice was the clearest and most confident.

The songs were all really good choices. There were a few repeats of what was already in the show, most notably Otome Policy in a more pop version rather than the piano version from earlier.

Of course, I’m incredibly biased, but the best song was La Solider~ It’s honestly one of my favourite songs and I’m so so so glad they played it!

They left the stage to come back briefly for a few more songs. In between some of the songs were the dancers getting a bit of stage time, which was nice. Those girls do some really cool stuff, so it’s nice for them to get their dues.

Of course, everything ended with Moonlight Densetsu. Most the characters got solo or duet lines. This is the part where they ran around the audience, giving high fives. I was so close, yet so far T.T Buuuuut Sailor Venus blew me a kiss, so nothing else really matters haha~

We all got a little gift (clear bookmark?) and I got Moon. Some people in the audience were allowed to take pictures with the members. About twenty people I think? How lucky! I waited around with other fans to try and see the actresses as they left, but gave up in the end. It was a good night, and I’m really glad I went!

Summary Enjoyable: 5/5 Worth the ticket price: 5/5 Re-watchable: 4/5 If this was sold on dvd, would I buy it: 3.5/5

#Sailor Moon #Sailor Moon The Super Live #Sailor Myu #The Hoopers

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paulsmith425-blog · 6 years

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Its Okay Quotes and Sayings and it will be Okay Quotes

I may not know you actually, but rather I needed to connect over the web and to certifiably hold your hand and let you realize it will approve of a major rundown of reasons why. A rundown of reasons why the world doesn't suck despite the fact that things feel extremely hard at the present time. A rundown of suggestions to enable you to review your very own inward quality and versatility. A rundown of statements and insights and reflections on how and why you'll likely get past this time.

“I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized, and I still had a daughter who I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ― J. K. Rowling

Because there are families out there raising and championing kind, compassionate, loving, respectful little boys.

Because I wrote you a pep talk for those times when you’re struggling.

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” ― David Richo

Because there are families out there who are consciously allowing and deliberately supporting their child’s own natural gender and sexual identity to emerge of their own accord. How incredibly beautiful and powerful is that?

Its Okay Quotes Sayings

You are resilient. Perhaps more so than you know. And you can do really, really hard things.

“People are like stained – glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D.

Because while you may not know what the future holds, I trust you have the skills and capacity to meet it and to navigate it. However it unfolds. “One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph.D.

Because, if the average person lives 27,375 days and this one happens to be a particularly bad one for you, remember not all of the other days lived so far felt this bad and remember that not all of your remaining days will likely feel this bad. It’s just one of many days in your life, even if it sucks right now.

“Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime’s work, but it’s worth the effort.” ― Fred Rogers

No matter how hard things seem right now, you always have some degree of choice and free will, somewhere, somehow, even it’s “just” in how you choose to think about a situation.

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

If you’re feeling scared and fearful because you’re experiencing or anticipating a loss and it’s bringing up your childhood fears around scarcity, grief, and loneliness, look around you and find reasons why you’re actually more secure than you feel. Just because past feelings are present does not mean the situation is real.

Okay Images

Because there are great and effective tools you can use to help manage your feelings.

Because, the smell of fresh baked bread.

Because there are enormously talented writers out there like J.K. Rowling, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and others who have created whole worlds and universes for us to “escape” into if we need a little break from this one.

Because no feeling lasts forever. Even if it feels like it might always feel this way, it won’t. It’s impossible for it to because change is inevitable for all of us.

When it feels like you’re the last of your college girlfriends to get engaged/get married/have a baby/buy a house and you feel sad and very alone, just remember… Adulting’s not easy. And humaning can be hard.

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” ― Fred Rogers

Its all Okay Quotes

I mean, because of things like this video.

Because the world is filled with talented ASMR artists who are creating content to help soothe and support you.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” ― Maya Angelou

Because even while it feels like the world (or your world) is ending, if you look around and notice the ground safely underneath your feet, the walls holding up the ceiling, your lungs breathing in and out, you have proof that it isn’t. Proof that you are safe.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

When you have gone through tough times in the past you got through them, didn’t you? You developed resources and skills or had gifts and opportunities brought to you at the time you needed them, right? Here’s your proof that this may happen again while you’re going through a hard time.

“It’s good to do uncomfortable things. It’s weight training for life.” ― Anne Lamott

You have (at least) one person in your life you could likely turn to if you needed to. A friend. A parent. Your therapist. Your neighbor. Your doctor.

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” ― Brené Brown

If you’re feeling uncomfortable and scared because you’re stretching yourself and doing something you’ve never done before, know that this is totally normal and natural! It’s normal and natural to feel emotionally and physically uncomfortable when you up level and do new tasks or act from new ways of being. Your discomfort may not last and it may not be a sign that this is the wrong step.

“I think one of the keys to happiness is accepting that I am never going to be perfectly happy. Life is uncomfortable. So I might as well get busy loving the people around me. I’m going to stop trying so hard to decide whether they are the “right people” for me and just take deep breaths and love my neighbors. I’m going to take care of my friends. I’m going to find peace in the ’burbs. I’m going to quit chasing happiness long enough to notice it smiling right at me.” ― Glennon Doyle

Because of the sweet, milky smell of little babies…

It will be Okay Quotes

Please remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

Right now, somewhere in the world, spiritual leaders are praying for you, meditating for you, crafting their work in the world for you.

“It’s funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools – friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty – and said ‘do the best you can with these, they will have to do’. And mostly, against all odds, they do.” ― Anne Lamott

Because, ice cream on a hot summer day.

You guys, there are libraries. Air-conditioned places where we can go to LEARN and to escape and to grow. Where you can find computers and free internet, audio books, dvd’s and thousands upon thousands of worlds waiting for you to explore them.

Because of everyday warriors like Senator Elizabeth Warren who are standing up for us and fighting the good fight.

“This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won’t feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can’t feel real joy unless you’ve felt heartache. You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can’t know what it’s like to feel holy until you know what it’s like to feel really fucking evil. And you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died.” ― Kelly Cutrone

While you cannot go back and change the past, the reality is that you now have choice about what you want to do moving forward. So get clear on what you want now, and do everything you can to go after it.

Because, giggling children, crazy cats, and lists of what’s going right in the world.

You may not understand what’s happening right now, but I invite you to TRUST THE PROCESS.

It may be that your soul needs to be going through this right now for a divine reason that’s just not known to you right now.

#Okay Quotes #Its Okay Quotes #It will be Okay Quotes #Okay Images #Its Okay Quotes Sayings #Its all Okay Quotes

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oraculideluna · 6 years

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Munday Meme

Name: Liz

Pronouns: She/Her

Selectivity: For my sanity, I’m fairly selective, though I do try to be open about RPing with new people who aren’t mutuals.

Favorite animal: Sharks, cats

Favorite muse you’ve had so far ever: Luna. I’ve invested so much time and love into her, and she’s really come so far from when I first started RPing her, so she’s easily my favorite muse. However, my Assassin’s Creed muse is also very dear to me. God, I love him so much. Out of all the muses I’ve had in the past, he’s one I regularly want to go back to.

Muse you kinda wanna pick up: Mm. Don’t judge me, but I enjoyed Charlie from the FNaF novels quite a bit, though I’d probably also lean heavily into the game lore, since we now know her role in those, too. But I haven’t had a lot of inspiration for new muses so much as I constantly think about old ones lol

Most identifiable fictional character: I can’t think of many off the top of my head, but I tend to feel like a mix of Rapunzel from Tangled, and Megara from Hercules.

What color your aura is/think it is: I think...maybe a bright blue? With a constant tinge of anxious red that fluctuates.

Personality stuff you agree with (astrology, mbti, Hogwarts house, etc be as specific as you want!): This one is tough because some of it is self-identifying, which is very subjective, while others are observational, and some are incomplete. I enjoy all of these as character building tools and such, and I know my general personality test results, but I don’t particularly live my life by these kinds of things. (But the zodiac is a favorite, I love it. Luna and my AC muses are both Libras, but while Luna regularly fits as a Libra on the cusp of Virgo, Cal is the most un-libra-like Libra I have ever seen. He’d work far better as an Aries tbh, but check his October 21st, Libra-Cusp-Scorpio birthday and laugh with me that he fits neither.)

Do you think you’re a good driver: Yeah. I mean, I used to be a bit less cautious, but I was in a car accident with a street light in December 2016 because of all the ice, I broke my hand and ended up having surgery (to remove a tumor that started growing because of the break), and I’ve become a bit more careful. Still, I don’t put my car in a full stop to make a turn.

Favorite minor discourse (pinapple on pizza, what color is the dress, etc): I don’t know if it was more than just a small thing on twitter, but I saw several tweets about gummy candy, and my answer is sour gummy worms.

Favorite vine and/or meme: idk about vine, but I love the Star Wars ‘high ground’ meme. Also, all the EA memes.

Why did you choose this muse: Sort of an aligning of the stars or whatever. I had just left a fandom rpc for being incredibly toxic (which sucks because I’d been wanting to RP that character for years) and was in-between muses, looking for someone new, and then E3 footage of XV aired and it really caught my attention. I resisted for a couple of weeks since the game hadn’t come out yet, but July 1st 2016, I gave in. I researched everything I could about the game (since previously I had known mostly the Versus XIII version of the game and hadn’t looked too deeply into XV), theorized heavily on what I thought would happen, and then dove in.

Favorite rp memory: Hmmm. Well, there was an intermission I had between group / fandom RPs, during which I had just a personal thing going with one friend. It was Marvel with heavy leanings into mythology (since it was Sif, Thor, Loki, Sigyn, and several others), and we had just...these epic plots and plans, and at one point, we took such a turn with the plotting, killed one of our characters after a year of buildup, and sure we brought her back eventually, but man it was devastating to write her dying. Still sticks with me to this day. My heart doesn’t regularly shatter while RPing, but that one did it. (Jay recently did this to me, too; broke my heart to pieces and it was so good. I’m still not recovered.)

Favorite thing you’ve written, in rp or not: Most of my ‘favorite things’ I’ve written are either super short oneshots, or like...a line, or a scene or a paragraph in an RP. Sometimes, I surprise even myself when a combination of words comes out that’s particularly good. By way of plots, I’ve got some really well fleshed out ones with Jay that I’m absolutely in love with, and I enjoy writing pretty much everything we do there. Also, on my AC muse, I have a lot of stuff I’ve really enjoyed. That fandom was so down for flexibility of plots and exploring all sides of characters. I had AUs on AUs and it was glorious.

A line/lyrics/quote/etc you like or that means a lot to you: “If brokenness is a work of art, surely this must be my masterpiece.”

Give a shout-out to someone: Since I’ve called out Jay twice here already, I’m gonna shout out my bro @ravusnightblossom <3 What an amazing and rad mun with such a well thought out muse, and mmm I am so happy to have this Ravus in my life. I just absolutely love them both so so much, please know that I love them and am glad they enjoy me spamming their inbox :] *hugs*

Also, @dromii has been with me and Luna for a really long time and has been such a positive influence on us both. I love them and their Cloud (and all their muses) so so much. So much thought and care gets put into all of their AUs and plots and muses, and it really shines through in their writing. (Also, they hit me with so many feels and I live for it ;_; <3)

Tagged by: I blatantly stole this from @totustuumegosum

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do it

#long post #(if you read that entire thing hmu for a high five and some cookies)#° About the mun

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awakeandalive2012 · 3 years

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The Long Overdue Wedding Post

**This post is LONG overdue so apologies on that front**

*Also, it’s going to be a little long, so grab a snack and enjoy*

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Before I begin, I want to first reach out to every single person who liked and commented on our photos, sent a message via any social media platform, sent a text, called, emailed, and spoke with Caleb or I directly, and/or helped with any aspect fo the wedding at all. For all of you, THANK YOU. We could not have asked for an amazing support system to help with with our May 2021 wedding. We sincerely appreciated all of your gifts (if you gave any) and your kind words of congrats and well wishes. So again, from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU. We feel so loved and are truly touched by each and every one of you. No amount of words can adequately communicate how I am so grateful to have you all in my life.

Now, since it's been a few months since the nuptials, even though I reflected some in my last blog post, I wanted to take the time and focus one blog post about the wedding specifically. This post will focus on the proposal, the planning of every single aspect and the day itself. I know that some of my friends on here recently engaged, so I wanted to give them some advice that could potentially help them down the road. This could also be a good reflective piece for those that have recently tied the knots themselves. Every wedding is different, but I wanted to walk you through what my planning process was like.

Now without further ado, let's teleport back through time.

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July 2020 - The proposal. This is a time for celebration. Aside from the wedding, this should be an exciting for the couple. Many people choose to throw an engagement party as a way to introduce yourself as an engaged couple. We did not have one of these, we opted for a more private dinner amongst family instead. As many of you already know, Caleb and I got engaged on July 22nd, 2020. This was on the same week as my sister’s wedding and during our annual family beach trip. It was such a sweet and memorable moment of our lives. Shortly after we got back from our trip, I traded in my makeshift ribbon ring for a beautiful silver one. That was our way of celebrating our new status as an engaged couple.

Biggest tip: Enjoy the moment. This is only the beginning for you and your future partnership.

August 2020: This was when I got right down to planning and the nitty gritty. Discussing what you want for your wedding between you and your fiancé is an essential first step in planning a wedding. You want to be on the same page, after all it’s BOTH of your days, and it’s not one sided. There were several points that we wanted to take care of right off the bat: who was invited, if there would be a theme or not, basic necessities/vendors to have or cut, etc... In the initial planning phase, you both want to figure out what to keep and what to cut from the wedding in concerns with your budget. Right from the start, we figured out ways to minimize costs, thus we decided not to get a DJ and opt for Spotify playlists instead (a great money saver for sure). Pinterest was my best friend throughout the whole process in concerns with the vision of our wedding, as well as wedding looks for myself and my bridal party.

Biggest tip: Organization is KEY. I used both a physical file folder and Microsoft OneNote to keep track of all of my wedding planning. Zola, a wedding planning website, was also a super handy tool that I used. You can do everything; from checklists and guest counts, to seating tables, website and registry management, and so much more. I used Zola and TheKnot extensively in the wedding planning process, which saved me so much stress. You will most likely be multitasking, especially if you are balancing wedding planning with working. Organization will save you time and stress at the end of the day, so it’s Important to be organized from the get go.

September 2020: This was the month when I got the ball rolling on several wedding related tasks. One of the things I wanted to do was involve my bridal party as much as possible and shower them with so much love and affection. After all, they were going to share this special day with me. I sent these adorable bridal party packages to each of them. I also began research engagement photographers during this time. It was important to me to capture photos of us as a couple. These photos would also be used for our wedding invitations as well.

Biggest tip: Reach out to vendors ASAP. Do your research and make inquiries for any company that sparks your interest. They get booked especially quickly, particularly around spring and summer weddings. Some of the important requirements that helped narrow down my vendor selections included budget, services provided, available for our wedding date, work/samples of past projects, and reviews from previous customers. Even in today’s modern computer age, social media prescience is also another factor to consider, especially if you want to see their previous work. Other details would depend on the specific vendor but it’s important to look at these aspects and see if they line up with your vision for the big day.

October 2020: This was a big month for us as a couple! We booked our venue, and we got a lot of our vendors finalized/booked too! It's better to book the venue sooner rather than later, because like the vendors, venues get booked up, especially if they are popular in the wedding community. This was the date when I officially booked our venue; we decided to rent a lake house for our big day. It was such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders because without a venue, a wedding can't happen. In my particular case, I paid half the deposit this month and then paid the second half a month before the wedding. You can pay it up front (super pricy but it is all taken care of in one swoop). The lake house was significant to us as a couple. We also finalized and booked the caterer and HMU (hair and makeup) for the big day. These two caterers are heavy hitters; you cannot have a wedding without food and you sure want to look amazing on the big day.

Biggest tip: Pay off as much as you are able to for your vendors; ideally, the more earlier on, the better. Depending on your budget, balancing it out with your every day expenses can be a challenge. Stick to your budget in order to stay afloat financially. There will be deposits for most, if not all the vendors you decide to book. Be sure to include those additional fees, tips, and deposit payments in your budget.

November 2020: Around this time, we were finalizing all of our vendors and booking them for the wedding date. We also began going into more detail with each vendor. For the photographer/videographer, I sent an ideal shot list for them to work with for the wedding. We even had time to do our engagement photos! They turned out so lovely and the entire experience on the shoot was memorable for all involved.

Biggest tip: Be in constant communication with everyone involved in the wedding. I was talking with everyone involved and tracking every step of the way throughout the process. You do not want any mix ups or wrong information being given.

December 2020: Holiday season is the hardest time to plan details for the wedding because money will be tight and family gatherings are the #1 priority. By this time, I was in holiday mode, so not a lot of remaining details got finalized until the new year. The only thing I remember accomplishing in concerns with wedding planning was making our website and registries go live. We used Wayfair, Zola, TheKnot and Amazon for our wedding registries. They were super easy to set up and manage our gifts and RSVPs. The engagement photos we took earlier were incorporated beautifully into our website and fit our wedding theme beautifully.

Biggest tip: Remember to take breaks and enjoy life. Wedding planning is stressful but it should be something enjoyable. I sometimes got sucked into the details only to get carried away and whisk my time away. Granted I only got one or two small things done, but do not let that get to you. You have accomplished a lot at this point (the hallway mark) Good for you!!!

January 2021: This was around the time that I went dress shopping. This is the day (or multiple days if you are going to more than one store) in every girl's life that she dreams of. I walked into the store with somewhat of a concrete idea as to the style of dress that I wanted. The bridal shop I went to was very accommodating to all of my concerns and style choices. They were very supportive and took note of my concerns when I brought them up. I also got to share the day with my mom and my sister (via Skype). I tried on six dresses in total before I found my one (on the last dress actually). They were able to take the time and consult on each dress, where they would be able to make alterations, what worked and what didn’t, etc). It was an enjoyable experience and one I will not forget. We also sent out our save the dates. To save on costs, I noticed a lot of couples were sending electronic save the dates. I simply sent emails (also since our guest list was so limited) with a template I crafted from Canva (a design platform - free to use!)

Biggest tip: Take your time with picking the dress. Choosing your wedding dress is a big decision for a bride to make. Whether you find the one on your first store visit or your 10th, it’s a big investment. You will be wearing this dress for the full day. You will most likely be saving the dress afterwards to cherish forever. Choose the dress that makes you feel your best.

February 2021: One thing that couples forget to include with wedding planning is the legal aspect of the wedding. Requesting marriage license and finding officiants for the ceremony are two essential services that make a wedding complete. Depending on the state that you are wanting to get married in, there are certain steps and fees to take in order to get a license in a timely manner. Be sure to do your own research in order to dot all of the legal “I”s and cross all the “T”s . You can also research officiants in your nearby area which fits your preferences and price range. This was when I managed to purchase the majority of the items that were incorporated into the wedding ceremony/reception. A couple of my favorite items that I purchased via Etsy were our ketubah (wedding contract in a Jewish wedding ceremony) and our cake topper.

Biggest tip: Shopping online has changed the game in concerns with the wedding world. Especially when you want a specific item to round out the wedding decorations. Sites like Etsy, Amazon and Oriental Trading are great jumping off points for purchasing gift items, decorations and accessories for the wedding. I got the majority of my items from Etsy and Amazon, and they really completed the wedding’s look. In person shopping experiences like Michael’s, Walmart and other big name stores, can be great for those who like DIYs.

March 2021: Another big month for wedding planning! The big item for this month was sending out invitations. Because of the COVID pandemic at the time, we had to severely limit the amount of people invited. The look of the invitations mirrored our website and it included all of the information for our ceremony/reception. We also added the food options for the wedding (previously confirmed from our caterer). This was also the month where I went and dd my bridal trial. The trial is basically a preview form your HMU team for the big day. Here, you can see what works with your look and what needs to be fixed for the big day. I got my hair done first and then my makeup second. With the whole look done beforehand, you can see what the final look will be. This is really beneficial for brides that are undeceive. Our final accomplishment this month was booking the final vendors (the florist and cake) and sending a wedding day timeline to all vendors. It’s important here to track all the times as precisely as possible. Most vendors pay per hour (pre negotiated in contracts) so it’s important to have a schedule which they and your party will follow to keep everything orderly.

Biggest tip: For invitations, sending those out ASAP is important. That way, your guests can have an appropriate amount of time to respond. Also, this would be a good place to put meal selections on your invitations, that way, your guests can tell you what they want for the wedding. Knocking out two birds with one stone! Finally, triple check and confirm details (date, time, place, dress code, etc) that should be included on the invitation. More than likely, you will want to save a copy of your invitation to scrapbook for later. You do not want to be plagued by a small typo on your otherwise beautiful invitations.

April 2021: With one month out from the wedding, we were mostly focusing on tying up any loose ends and paying those remaining invoices. During this time we also sent out the finalize guest lists to our vendors, and ordered cakes (we used the same place for rehearsal dinner and wedding cake). We also sent rehearsal dinner invite, in a similar email format that we sent the save the dates. This would also be the time to inform all parties of the wedding day (or for us wedding weekend) schedule. Give your guests the information for the venue/parking information for all the events, and the timeline for the day. On your end, be sure to finalize all preparations, gifts, decorations, dress alterations for you and your bridal party, and any other item on your check list.

Biggest tip: Deal with any outstanding items while they are fresh on the brain. You do not want to run into any issues with the wedding being a month away.

May 2021: Wedding month!!! It's the big month! This is when we finalized every single detail. Last minute shopping trips, last minute checking over every single item, food, guest. All bills paid and finalized. No stone left unturned. But what good is this month full of celebrating when you are spending all your time finalizing your plans? Take some time too and CELEBRATE! We were fortunate enough to celebrate in big and small ways. I got the chance to pamper myself and my wedding party before the big day and felt so ready by the time the big weekend came. As soon as I finished the final detail (literally the day before the wedding). It was chaos right before, but with my amazing support system (my bridal party, family and of course my now husband), everything went smoothly.

Biggest tip: Enjoy every second of your wedding day!

*I might do a Day Of Blog later on to explain the details and how everything came together*

——————————————————

Even after the big day is done, you are still not finished!

POST WEDDING:

June 2021: Be sure to THANK YOUR VENDORS. I sent hand written thank you notes to each vendor, wedding guest, and those that gave a gift from our registry. It’s so important to express your gratitude for them coming out for your wedding. Leaving reviews for all the vendors is also extremely important. It not only shows follow through on your end as a client, but it also shows potential new clients of your experiences so they can make the right decision for their special day. We also got our photos from our photographer and yes I shared those all over social media :)

July 2021: We got our videos back from the videographers. For our package, we got both a highlight reel with a song of our choice to play over it as well as an overall video of the whole day. I believe it was totally worth the price we paid for both videos. This month, I also got my dress preserved from the same place that I bought it from which was really convenient. We also framed our ketubah and it will hang in our house when we get around to buying one.

August 2021: It finally feels like I have finally settled into married life. There were still a couple of ongoing items to deal with post wedding. Changing last name is the next big milestone (for another posts when it eventually happens) but as of right now I am at a stalemate here because of COVID protocols and the SSA in office visits being unavailable at the time. I have (and still have as of writing this post) leftover wedding items that I plan to sell/donate for other people to use for their weddings.

TODAY:

It seems insane what a year will do for reflection on my special day. It’s crazy to imagine planning everything months, nearly a year even, to pull off a beautifully orchestrated event. And yet, here I am, months after, hardly believing that we did that. Honestly, what got me through the majority of the planning was having the best support system. No matter which aspect of the wedding was weighing me down in the moment, I was able to confide in my closest friends/family and they helped me make the best decisions possible for the best day.

Fro those of you that have a wedding on the horizon or if you just want to swap stories, I am always around to help in any way I can.

Happy planning!

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seenashwrite · 6 years

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Conversations With The Commissioner: Crappy Monsters In Barber Shops, a.k.a. Nash's First Headcanon + Wine = The Image I’ll Never Be Able To Top

@lipstickandwhiskey kindly thought to tag me when she saw a jovial post that reminded her of my disappointment in the lack of dinosaurs in the *alternate world and hoped to cheer me, but little did she know [mainly because I completely brain farted on posting this way-back-when] this had been addressed. In an objectively bizarre way. Admittedly.

FYI: Spit-take warning in effect, also cursing, should you choose to carry on

Preamble

* Dear SPN Writers' Room*: I'm not calling it The Bad Place, because I'm done with y'all ripping from other stuff, in this case, a beyond phenomenal show - hey! you do recognize carefully crafted season arcs when you see it! - even if y'all thought it was a homage, it's not since viewers of the show "The Good Place" already know about The Bad Place and it's not a physical nightmare, it's a psychological nightmare.

Pay. Attention. Stop ripping from well-known pop culture shit without (1) making sure the “homage” is used correctly, (2) double-checking that something similar hasn't been done before and, if so, (3) adding your own cheeky-sneaky spin. Not doing so makes you look, at best, like hacks, at worst, like doofy dipshits, particularly when it is from shows in your same genre - like a renowned show from the same fucking network that hadn't even ended their run but a year and a half prior to when yours started - and wrapping up *your* season with a title that was an iconic element from an iconic show [it was iconic, for several reasons, that's an essay for another time] which was the basis for everything from a/possibly *the* pivotal moment in the series and which was tied to many of the composer's pieces for the soundtrack, as it was a central thread. TV Tropes is your friend.

Tangentially related, while we're here:

[Shep as Romo Lampkin]

I digress.

The Background

The Commissioner and I pop a cork, start talking about the Wayward pilot. We don't say a word about the scripting or the acting [because if we do, I go down a Dolly Deadeyes road, and nobody wants that]. Rather, we do a deep dive on the things that resemble other things and postulate how this came to be. Not in the minds of the peeps behind it, no, the dive comes via what the youths call a "headcanon". I've never had one before, I don't think, and I'm proud this is the first.

Oh, and a housekeeping side note: While my observations/the conversing began that night, the main convo/legit start on the image at the bottom happened later on. This has been run through the Nash snark filter for funsies, which is why the tone is the same for the whole conversation as, in truth, I have little clear memory of a lot of this, and the time taken for the assemblage of the image took longer than a conversation's worth, since the beginnings were sponsored by wine but it had to be done, it's how I combat insomnia and after seeing the monsters, I needed to purge my feelings of.... well....

The Beginning

After a verbal review (an accosting-of, really) of both Well-Coiffed Predator in a Bane Mask and Dollar Store Doomsday from the Wayward pilot, we begin discussing theories on how exactly this came to be in the alt world. Everything below is based on (a) the fact that New!Kaia's outfit denotes the presence of some sort of killa shopping and/or a hella talented Matrix-obsessed seamstress in the alt-world, therefore why not additional styling like a salon, and (b) the fact that we were lit on wine.

And the Predator rip - who, in the concept art, does not appear rippy-offy, it should be noted - got that mask somehow. He's either homaging Bane all over his face [his own face, not the other-way-'round] or he's gotten hold of one of the real things, modded it a touch to account for the spread of his general mouth region. Seems their temp name is the generic supernatural/folklore catch-all that I was vaguely aware of - "Canid" - and that some dude who's apparently of import on the show hates it, and I concur because all I can think of when I see the name is Candida. The Commissioner asked for a reminder, and I explained what that infection was and that now upon learning the creature’s name, I looked upon it as a yeast infection made sentient. The copious amounts of viscous discharge helps that along.

This then got a general science light bulb to pop, and we again consulted the googles, and boo-yah:

It's a dog. That. That up there, that I linked to. A daaaawwwwg.

No, not a if-this-is-a-dog-then-what-does-the-owner-look-like, maybe-they're-just-disgruntled-puppy-mill-alums type of WTF. The WTF is because I, once again, am wondering if at any point people over yonder are bothering to check shit out with this cool new thing called google. I know. It's a novel suggestion.

Somebody sure as shit used said googlins for squid beak - it's a touch birdy beak, but nah, slimy squid goes better with the aesthetic - and I guess they had to, as they already gave the far superior on the creepy scale pacu teeth to the Dollar Store Doomsday.

Because we were sneery and feeling gross at this point, we needed something fun, so we refilled on wine, and decided to make a mash-up image of the “inspirations” [to be clear: The Commissioner decided I should make a mash-up]. We were also feeling gross after looking at all that above, so for an eye sorbet, we needed some pretty, and STAT. We both instantly knew what would do the trick.

We start the conversation with Bane.

The Conversation

[looking at still from that Batman movie Bane was in; neither of us have cared to clarify which of the Nolan B-mans it was, because we don't care]

The Commissioner: He is so smooth, like, everything, even the fit of the clothes.

Nash: I'll never forget his turn as young Picard in that shit 'Trek movie, what was it called?

[we do not look it up; digression discussion of the awesomeness that is Sir Patrick Stewart]

TC: What's in his hand? Is that a riding crop? Or a shuffleboard thing?

N: Yes, exactly, Bane took a break from beating up Batman to shuffle. Nooooo. He got drug away from riding his horsey----

TC: YOU MUST MEAN HIS STALLION - if he rides horses, they are buff

N: ---to bring the mask, and is he pissed about it?

TC: No. No, because he is a dollbaby - he loves dogs.

N: You're mixing Tom Hardy with Bane.

TC: NO.

N: [realizing] BECAUSE THAT IS A DOG THING, THAT CREATURE IS DOG

[digression googles to look at pics/vids of Tom Hardy with pups]

N: Oh, no, wait - can we make it a putter? Like he was on his way to golf?

TC: But he still doesn't mind, because he's good guy Bane? And golf sucks? Oh hell yes.

[putter image sought; we go back to staring at Hardy, sip wine for untold moments]

N: And Preddie's all - Oh Bane, no! I couldn't possibly! Aren't these custom made? But he's gripping the shit out of it, like, pry it from my hands, bitches.

TC: And he takes a sniff when nobody's looking and swoons. *SWOONS*

N: Freaked-out stylist saw, though, and a touch of pee slips out, because it was weird before, but now shit's kicked off.

TC: Oh, she's already wet her pants at least once, absolutely. Do we need to add her?

N: No, she's in the bathroom.

TC: But you know who we should add.

[Image of 1990s Leonardo Di Caprio is immediately sought; we love the R+J still too much for words and select it with zero pause]

N: But why?

TC: You know he's gonna end up bopping around to other worlds anyhow, and for Bane to be here, there must be other rifts----

N: Low-Sugar Low-Fat Low-Calorie Eye of Saurons?

TC: ----so they're babysitting.

N: THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE [gulp of wine] Hey, you know who should be his foster parents if he’s bopping around to all points?

TC: Is it some side-character who's off-show at the moment? So we can get the show back to, um, Sam and Dean?

N: Chuck and Amara.

TC: You remember they're brother and sister, right?

N: [side-eye] Okay.

TC: They are. It's canon.

N: OKAAAY. [stares at Leo] Alright, what are we having him do? Satan's crotch goblin?

TC: [possibly disgusted with me] Pencils.

N: YES I KNOW WHAT TO DO they need to keep him busy so they just keep giving him piles of pencils to sharpen, and he's distressed because there's no more and the sharpener’s motor burnt out.

TC: [touch of a spit take]

[we stare at the collection of images; it is a bitch to find a clear shot of a Pred sitting, but we need him in a barber chair; I will ultimately cobble it from three separate images; it was worth every goddamn minute]

TC: Okay, now what about that thing? The thing? Deadpool?

N: No he was something else, that's Reynolds. Deadshot? Wait, hang on.

[we watch the Bob Ross Deadpool thing, maybe twice, I have no idea]

TC: What'd you say?

N: I dunno.

TC: Me neither I just remember thinking you were wrong.

N: [looks it up, or we'll be here all week] DOOMSDAY

TC: Stop, stop, stop - didn't we also say Lord of the Rings cave troll?

N: I can't remember if it was me or somebody else.

TC: Do cave troll.

[we search]

N: Holy shit. He's in the club.

[image chosen; best one is of him pointing; I later add the touch of a framed photo of King Kong that's inexplicably hanging in the barber shop, also next to it a photo of Captain Shitty Render]

N: But Doomsday.

TC: Do it.

[image chosen; this was also a bitch, I had to blur and cobble and blend and hide part of his bottom half because ZACK SNYDER LOVES SHOOTING EVERYTHING LIKE WE'RE IN A DANK CAVE]

N: They're so glad Bane pulls through, because Preddy won't shut the fuck up about him.

TC: It's because his last boyfriend was garbage, keeps hanging out with humans, and Bane's loyal, like he was to that chick from Inception, like----

N: LIKE DOG

[the bottle is empty; we are sleepy]

The Results

I regret not adding an aquarium with a squid.

The Aftermath

Both TC and my Tumblr wife @butiaintgonnaloveem had reactions that can nicely tuck under the umbrella of [in concerned tone] Nash are you okay, like, is life beating you down somehow, this is crazypants which I appreciate from the latter, but as for the former I pointed out that they are my enabler/dealer/peer-pressurer in every bit of this.

There is no end to this post.

#Nash Shares #Conversations with The Commissioner #dollar store Doomsday #discount 90s Leo DiCaprio #well-coiffed Predator in a Bane mask #poorly rendered #rip-offs #do better #pseudo-art #Wayward Sisters pilot #wine-induced head canons #Queueby Dooby Doo #Dad's on a blog post and #he hasn't been queued in a few days

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ggangpaehoshi · 7 years

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My thoughts on the WANNA ONE lineup

From a Seoul-living Korean American Piece of P101S2 Trash who cried when she found out she couldn’t go to the final performance:

First of all, as an unfaltering Jaehwan Stan since Episode 1, I was thrilled. I actually burst into tears when they announced him as 4th place. And overall, the lineup isn’t bad. There’s a balance of positions, and a variety of people: big companies, small companies, and no companies.

Let’s just start in the order that they were announced.

Bae Jinyoung wasn’t my top pick, or even within my Top 11, but he is incredibly hard working and has the smallest face on the show. He’s got a really unique voice, and has improved tremendously in his singing and dancing. Though a bit shocked and fearful of how the rest of the group would play out, I was really happy for him. Besides, his position as center in “Hands on Me” was really fitting. I was impressed.

Hwang Minhyun. Well… here’s the thing about the Nu'est members: if none make it, Na.Pros will be outraged, but if too many make it, they’ll also be angry. Though I’d have expected Jonghyun to also make the cut, Minhyun has been fortunate enough to be in groups in which many of the members made the final cut as well. Aside from that, Minhyun’s dashing good looks and beautiful vocal color were very memorable to the Korean public. He also had an advantage, having debuted before and gained a considerable amount of publicity. Though it didn’t save his band mates, these factors managed to save Minhyun. And I’m truly happy for him, though it did break my heart to see him upset at the end of the episode.

Yoon Jisung. Yoon Jisung is extremely hard working and talented, and I’m happy that he made it. Many of my friends made him their fixed pick because of his bubbly personality and his strong leadership shown in the position evaluations. He’s a great contribution to the group dynamic in terms of humor and variety, and would be a strong asset when on other reality shows or televised interviews. Additionally, he and Ong Sungwoo have a great dynamic.

Lai Guanlin. Some say this was rigged, and perhaps it was. However, I still think he’s a necessary part of the group. His rapping skills were never particularly bad, and have improved immensely as the season progressed. And although his dancing isn’t perfect yet, he’s learned a lot. He’s starting to develop an onstage charisma that some of the more experienced trainees have, and the fact that he knows many languages (three, if I’m not mistaken) will be vital when promoting in foreign countries.

Park Woojin. I’m very biased towards Park Woojin. Though at first I was a bit taken aback at how strong his appearance was (with the eyebrows, the snaggletooth, etc) but after seeing his self-introduction, I fell deep and hard. As of right now, he’s probably my #4, so I was elated to see him at 6th place. Honestly, he has so much going for him: top-notch rap skills, and out-of-this-world dancing. He is truly the dark horse of this season, and has so much to contribute to the group. And though I’m usually not the kind of person, “sexy baby, oh my lady” was listened to by me probably a million times.

Ong Sungwoo is my eleven-year-old brother’s fixed pick. He loves Ong Sungwoo, and for good reason too. Sungwoo definitely has charisma, variety, talent, and everything else an idol may need. His slate, “Get Ugly” face, and “배고파요” made him funny and relatable, while his company performance (and all of his other performances) reminded Na.Pros that he was extremely skilled. His face is also a face that is hard to forget, making it easy for people to point him out (which is an asset for idols). Because he stands out, he can help his group stand out as well.

Ah, Kim Jaehwan. My fixed pick from day one. In my completely honest but very biased opinion, a group isn’t good without a good main vocal. And a group isn’t great without a great main vocal. Lucky for WANNA ONE, Kim Jaehwan is an outstanding vocal. And although I wasn’t quite sure of that during the Individual Trainees’ “Hey Mama,” I was sure of it after Jaehwan’s “Skyfall.” And though his dancing skills lacked significantly (especially in the beginning), he was able to show that through hard work, anything can be done. Even without a company.

Lee Daehwi. I wasn’t even surprised. He can produce, sing, dance, and has an incredible stage presence. After becoming the first icon of the season, there was no way for this boy not to make the debut line. After all, he was unique in appearance and aura, and had an incomparable charisma: one that just glows with confidence and self-esteem. I know he’ll do great in WANNA ONE, and I’m confident that Rhymer won’t have to worry about hate messages now. But did he ever?

Park Jihoon actually came as a surprise to me. I expected him to be first place, despite last week’s rankings. For some reason, I just assumed that the Na.Pros preferred a pretty boy over someone with a more manly appeal (and they usually do… take Cha Eunwoo for example). But perhaps the Na.Pro wanted a boyband with a sexy concept, or just really liked Daniel. Nonetheless, although he was not given many opportunities to be the actual center of a lot of things, he was always overflowing with energy and that showed through onstage. And his catchphrases have become nationwide. He’s got the idol impact, for sure.

Kang Daniel is honestly so attractive and I’m really happy for him. Not because he’s attractive, but because he has matured a lot as the season progressed. By being the leader of “Get Ugly” and “Open Up,” he was able to learn through the successes and mistakes he encountered, and became a really balanced and capable artist by the last episode. In the second episode, he was struggling to hit the notes in “나야 나,” but completely nailed the Sub Vocal 1 position in “Hands on Me.” All of the concepts suit him, and I think he will handle the center position very well.

And finally, Ha Sungwoon. Ha Sungwoon didn’t really catch my eye until the position evaluations, where I discovered that he had a beautiful voice. I had sort of skimmed through Episode 2, so I never actually watched the Ardor and Able evaluation, only the portion where Noh Taehyun is krumping. Nonetheless, since starting to like him, I rooted for him, but only in an underdog “it’d be a miracle if he makes the next round” kind of way. But then, I watched videos of him promoting with HOTSHOT, and it made me so sad to think that someone with this much potential could have been so underrated and unnoticed. Then, prior to the second elimination, there was a cut of him volunteering to perform “Never” first, and that is when I realized that this is all he has. Without this opportunity, HOTSHOT may disband and he may never be able to perform again. And this is very similar to a lot of groups, and perhaps even the Nu'est boys. But seeing him work so hard moved me and thousands of Na.Pros to voting for him. At the time, you could pick two members, so I chose him and Jaehwan, and he remains my #2. He has everything: dance skills, vocal versatility, good looks, and can fill whatever position is needed of him in WANNA ONE.

I know many people people are upset about Samuel, Jonghyun, and Dongho, and I am sad as well. They are all incredibly talented boys, and all of them deserve to debut. I am glad to hear that Samuel has some impressive debut plans ahead of him, and hope that Nu'est will also have that opportunity. However, I hate seeing comments about replacing a confirmed member with one of the previously mentioned, or about not supporting WANNA ONE because their favorite trainee has been eliminated.

The thing about reality shows is that they’re rigged. There is absolutely no way for Na.Pros to perfectly, expertly select trainees to fill every position and every aspect needed. Of course it’s rigged. Without Lai Guanlin, the rest of Asia (particularly China and Taiwan) may not support WANNA ONE. Or without Kim Jaehwan or Ha Sungwoon, the group wouldn’t have the vocal support that they need. Or, in other instances, talented trainees like Jung Sewoon or Samuel are perhaps best left out of WANNA ONE so that they can do better things. Though I’m not sure about Sewoon, Samuel has plans for a solo debut, and I think Sewoon should too and follow in the footsteps of his Starship predecessors (like Yu Seungwoo). Jung Sewoon shared my #2 with Ha Sungwoon, so seeing them as the two people for the eleventh spot was just terrible. But all things considered, Sungwoon more closely fits the idol image, whereas Jung Sewoon would make an amazing soloist.

I know a lot of people are still distraught over the eliminations of Samuel and the Pledis boys, but truth be told, too many Pledis members would’ve ruined WANNA ONE’s popularity among its target audience (yes, Korean people), and Samuel, perhaps as a result of unspoken racism or just lack of people choosing him as their fixed pick, just wasn’t very popular among Na.Pros. It sucks, it really does, and the result would’ve been different if chosen by international fans, but we need to take into account that although K-Pop is becoming a global trend, it ultimately must appeal to its home country and citizens to continue to promote K-Pop to the world as culturally Korean, and not as the result of a lot of foreign countries pitching in to determine what Korean culture should be like.

I will miss Jung Sewoon, Kim Jonghyun, Kang Dongho, Lim Youngmin, Ahn Hyungseob, Yu Seonho, Kim Samuel, Joo Haknyeon, and Choi Minki, and despite my disappointment at some not making the final cut, I will continue to support and cheer on WANNA ONE. Please support them with me.

Thank you for reading.

#produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #prod101 #p101s2 #wanna one #p101 #p101 season 2

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ultimatestudyabroad · 4 years

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This Sucks

Note – I wrote this in November and December, when I was at a particularly low point in my job searching despair (there have been several, including now). I didn’t publish it at the time because I felt it wouldn’t be good to have this in the public domain while I was still looking for a job, but since coronavirus has paused all job searches and it seems I will never again have gainful employment, I figure, what the hell? Maybe it will be cathartic to get my frustration out into the universe.

My happiness from a year ago feels like a dream. Facebook reminds me that a year ago I was on a mini-holiday in Port Douglas with friends, marking essays for the class I was teaching in between snorkeling sessions and gin and tonics. My day-to-day life was luxuriously full of reading and writing; my weekends full of concerts and shows, trips to the beach, and dinners with friends. And though my financial subsistence was meagre, I had regular income and I had established a budget that allowed me to live without worrying about money all that often. And above all, I felt like the best, happiest version of myself. This was a life I had intentionally built for myself through meticulous planning and more than a bit of luck. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be.

That luck has run out. From the beginning, I knew that my life in Australia was but temporary and, if you read this blog regularly, you know that I was very concerned with whether, upon return to the U.S., I’d be able to build a better life there than I had had before Australia. Certainly not as happy as I was in Sydney, but hopefully happier than before I left. Instead, I have no life. Four-and-a-half months since I’ve returned to the U.S. (now 11 months) and a full nine months since my first administrative job application was submitted (now 15), I still have no job and no immediate job prospects. Applications are out, sure, but the hiring process in higher ed usually takes months (and now it is non-existent because of coronavirus). The money I so carefully saved throughout my time in Sydney for this period of transition is gone. I’m still relying on the kindness of friends and family to house me and Hibby. I have no job, I have no steady income, I have no home, I have no future, and I have absolutely no idea when (or if) it will ever end.

Now, before people start thinking to themselves, “the academic job market is brutal” or “it took me years to get an academic job,” I want to be clear that I am not searching for an academic job. I made an attempt at the academic job market in the (northern hemisphere) fall of 2018, applying for about 15 postdocs, short-term though multi-year teaching gigs, and tenure-track positions. My expectations were low, so I was not really surprised when absolutely nothing came of these.

So, when February 2019 rolled around and the thesis due date drew near, I turned my attention to what had been my realistic plan all along: re-enter my former career in higher ed administration. Given my decade-plus experience in the field and wealth of contacts, I didn’t think this would be too terribly difficult. I knew that job searches in higher ed take forever and I had saved accordingly. I also knew that mid-level jobs (in between entry-level and assistant vice provost level) are harder to come by, but I was/am willing to be flexible geographically. (For crying out loud, I applied to two jobs at the University of Wisconsin! I would freeze my ass off there!) But, I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would possibly take this long.

It’s not that I’m directionless, a young professional trying to find her niche; I know exactly what my field is. It’s not that I’m being too choosy; I’ve applied for 60 admin jobs. It’s not that I’m choosing inappropriate jobs for my experience; I’ve had phone interviews for over a third of the jobs I’ve applied for. I’ve been a finalist for two jobs (neither one of which I got, obviously). My application materials are good. I’ve been to this rodeo a number of times before; I know how to do this. Still nothing…

I have friends who try to offer explanations and, while I know and appreciate that they’re trying to be supportive, their explanations don’t help because they, much like the process itself, are nonsensical and contradictory. I’ve been told, “it’s all in who you know.” Well, again, I fucking know everyone at Duke and, after nine applications there, I’ve only had two phone interviews! I’ve been told, “you have to leave Duke and come back to work your way up.” Silly me, I thought moving to the other side of the planet for 3.5 years was leaving Duke. I’ve been told that my PhD is holding me back, never mind the fact that many of the jobs I’ve applied for are PhD-preferred or -required. And never mind the fact that a big part of the reason I decided to do the PhD in the first place (even though I had my eyes wide open about the state of the academic job market) was because I was told again and again that I would need a PhD to advance much past my former position. In fact, my former position was PhD-preferred. I was the only one on the team without a PhD and I had to endure all sorts of snide comments about “non-intellectuals” (to be clear, not from my colleagues but from higher administrators and faculty). Since I wanted to do the PhD anyway, just for myself, I decided to go for it. Not having the PhD held me back, but apparently having it also holds me back?

Well, you see, one helpful explanation goes, I chose to do an academic PhD, in a discipline as opposed to an EdD or PhD in higher ed. What the fuck? First, I sat on several hiring committees in my last job in which people with higher ed degrees were sneered at. Secondly, I chose a discipline because that’s the subject that interested me enough to devote three years of my life to it. I love working with undergraduates, but I don’t want to study the little bastards! Oh, but don’t you see, since you have an academic PhD, hiring managers will assume you’re not serious about the role and will leave as soon as you get an academic job. FFFUUUUUUCCKKK MMMMEEEEE! That’s not going to happen! There aren’t any academic jobs!

As much as I want to dismiss this no-win point of view on the PhD, I know that, at least at times, it’s completely true. People in administration seem completely oblivious to the casualization crisis in academia. This blows my mind, since we all work in the same damn industry. Even so, I’m prepared for the “why did you do a PhD” question and have my polished (and completely honest!) answer prepared. And that was the verbal answer I gave to one particularly annoying iteration of that question, but my mental response was quite a bit different. The question was posed along the lines of, “I see you just got a PhD. I want to make sure you understand that this is not a teaching job.” The polished answer came out of my mouth while the snarky, bitchy, fed-up Mel voice in the back of my mind responded, “Yes, I know that. Because 1. I can fucking read. 2. I wrote a whole cover letter which demonstrated I knew exactly what the job is. And 3. There are no teaching jobs!”

I feel frustrated even when talking to people who support me. The frustration brought on by hiring managers is exponentially worse. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve seen a number of frustrated tweets about the lack of follow up after interviews. Of that one-third of the jobs I’ve applied for in which I’ve had phone interviews, only THREE hiring managers have done me the courtesy of emailing me to let me know I was not advancing to an in-person interview. One school didn’t send me my generic rejection email until eight months after my phone interview. Two places I had phone interviews (both in 2019) still haven’t contacted me at all. Now, reader, don’t give me any bullshit about the number of applications received for the average job or how busy everyone is. I’m not complaining about the mass rejection email from HR I get for jobs I don’t get an interview for. I’m talking about a hiring committee doing 6-7 phone interviews and inviting three of those people to campus for an in-person interview while never bothering to send 3-4 emails to the other interviewees! It does not take much time to send 3-4 identical emails that say, “Thank you for speaking with us last week about the position. Unfortunately, you were not selected for an in-person interview, but we wish you the best of luck in your search.” See? I just did it! That took like 30 seconds! By November, I was over this shit. Two weeks after a phone interview, I sent a polite email asking for a status update. Which was completely ignored! On what planet is that acceptable?

Here’s another little lesson in human decency for hiring managers: don’t call people’s references unless you plan to offer them the job. Because when someone’s references are contacted, they assume they’re about to get a job offer. Those two jobs I was a finalist for? They were at the same school and they contacted my references twice. Same people, 1.5 months apart! If you feel so compelled to call references on multiple people, be transparent. Send an email to the candidates saying , “FYI - we’re checking references on both of our finalists.” (And btw, where are you getting all this time to make all these phone calls, anyway? I thought you didn’t have time to send 3-4 emails to the rejected phone interview candidates!)

Piled on top of my frustration, despair, rapidly eroding self-esteem, and bank account anxiety is guilt. Guilt over being annoyed with my friends who are incapable of cheering me up in the face of a hopeless situation. Guilt over assuring undergrads in my temp advising job that they will be able to find jobs after they graduate (I know it’s my job to calm them down, but seriously, how hypocritical can I possibly be?!). Guilt over that panel on non-academic jobs I organized at the 2018 AHA. The one where I told everyone that administration jobs are rewarding and realistic. Ha! If I, with all my experience, can’t find a job, can a newly minted PhD in his/her mid-late 20s who went straight from undergrad to grad school really expect to find one? Without being dismissed as only wanting an academic job? I apologize to all the folks at that panel. Your post-grad rep (unwittingly) lied to you!

I am obviously in a very dark place right now. That’s not to say I regret doing my PhD. Not at all. Not for a moment. This was the best three years of my life. I’m proud of the research I did. I am an infinitely better person than I was four years ago. But someone just needs to give me a fucking job.

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gunnermugm994-blog · 6 years

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Six Ways Anxiety And Depression Can Help You

Here are 6 methods Anxiety and Depression can help you:

1) THEY CAN BE MAJOR CHANGE CATALYSTS

While they can sap your energy, negative feelings can be a major modification catalyst. For a very long time, I had actually implied to enter into treatment, but I never ever found the time, till a mental breakdown forced me to make the time. My anxiety reached such drastic levels that I had a psychotic episode, and so I decided to go and see a trauma therapist, and since doing so, I have actually learned a lot about myself, consisting of uncovering a toxic sex dependency. If I did not have such adverse life experiences, I wouldn't be where I am today. Now my whole life has altered: I am owning my weaknesses and dealing with them, and my priorities are various.

2) THEY CAN MEAN YOU'RE SOBER AND RECOVERING

Numerous addicts use a substance or a procedure to avoid sensation emotions such as anger, embarassment or unhappiness. When we self-medicate, we do not feel bad feelings as much, however it also suggests we do not feel the excellent ones as extremely either. The fact you have the ability to feel uneasy feelings implies you're sober sufficient to do so. If we stay high all nabs.org.uk/category/career-coaching/ the time in whatever addiction be it drugs, alcohol, sex, food or work, then we will undoubtedly cause long-lasting damage to ourselves. However if we can make it through the tensions, when the excellent ones come along we will feel more joy. Additionally, not utilizing a dependency will make sure a more jubilant and problem-free life in general, even if there is short-term pain.

3) THEY CAN MAKE YOU MORE HUMAN BEINGS AND COMPASSIONATE

Some of the most thoughtful individuals I know have had to survive some psychological health episodes, dependency crises and loss of liked ones. When I call them up, they tend to be very caring, encouraging and compassionate, having actually been there themselves. They don't inform me to simply "suck it up"; they listen with fantastic care. Comprehending that you're going through a bumpy ride helps you to realise that others may also be doing so. Of course, I am not always client, particularly if I have not had a great night's sleep! But my suffering reminds me that discomfort belongs to the human condition, and to remember that everyone, no matter how wealthy or achieved we are, can and will experience it.

My godmother confidence coach suffered a nervous breakdown as a teen because of the bombing of the Second World War and the child abuse she sustained. She likewise lost 2 boys. Nevertheless, these experiences are what led her to become a social worker and want to assist other people. Since, she has gone above and beyond to support others in any method she can, including helping my household through some tough careercoachuk.com/ circumstances.

4) THEY CAN MAKE YOU MORE RESILIENT AND OPEN

When you're going through a mental health crisis, it can be beyond unpleasant; in truth, it can seem like a living death. However if you can survive it, you will discover the significance of durability. It takes a great deal of work to survive it, specifically when every day seems like a battle. The gift is that we can learn healthy ways to care for ourselves mentally. Given that my crisis, I have actually learned a few methods such as verifying and assuring my inner child, mindfully observing my feelings and thoughts, and possibly most importantly, finding out to be open up, http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection&region=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/lifecoach be vulnerable and speak about my sensations.

5) THEY CAN ASSIST YOU MAKE HEALTHY CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE

Coping with stress and anxiety and depression has forced me to pay more attention to things such as sleep, relaxation, diet, time with friends and enjoyable, all of which took a back seat when before my meltdown. I will continue to pay mindful attention to these things. Additionally, I felt tired and tired out a lot, but then again I'm not shocked; I abused my body terribly throughout my active work dependency, with ultra late nights on top of requiring myself to strike the health club and lift weights. At least, depression can require you to give yourself the reward and happiness of rest.

6) THEY CAN BE YOUR SPIRITUAL INSTRUCTOR

I was feeling quite distressed recently therefore I chose to call my therapist. He told me to sit with the anxiety, welcome it, and attempt to discover what is beneath it. I chose to take a seat silently and make https://www.careerbalance.co.uk a note of a list of my worries. And guess what: at least 40 things came up for me. No surprise I was feeling so nervous!

I decided that if I wished to stop suffering, I would need to accept the things I can not alter and alter the things that I can. In Buddhism, it is said that unsatisfactoriness is the crack in our experience that leads one to the spiritual course. Realising that extrinsic products and worths are not enough to make us feel complete and joyous, a lot of us start spiritually checking out, which is where genuine individual development occurs.

From Making it through to Thriving

Our spiritual attitude to life can make the difference between successful or making it through when coping with Stress and anxiety and Anxiety. As I work various 12 action healing programs, I am also finding out that the key to beating addiction and mental disorder is altering my spiritual perspective of life.

We can not control all the factors in our life, but we do have some control over how we select to interpret events. I would choose to see my psychological health conditions as instructors that I can gain from, instead of seeing myself as a victim of fate all the time. Sure, it does suck, and I wish I didn't have either condition!

But as the Peacefulness Prayer goes: Grant me the peacefulness to accept the things I can not alter, the nerve to alter the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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#life #coach #lifecoach #london

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lifeonashelf · 6 years

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CHIODOS

It’s nearly impossible to expound on the “process” of writing without coming across like a self-important shithead. I only mention this because I’m about to attempt to do the former without doing the latter. Though I’ve maybe already hamstrung myself by referring to the act of pressing buttons on a laptop as a “process”—and I certainly haven’t helped my case by putting quotation marks around “process,” nor by using the word “expound.” Come to think of it, that “nor” is also ringing awfully pompous to me, even if in a technical sense “nor” was the grammatically correct word to use there... And there I go informing you what’s “grammatically correct,” which makes me sound like a total asshole.

Nevertheless, making this text be a thing is indeed contingent on a sequence of mental formulation and ritualistic preparation and elementary discipline, and when you put all of those things together, the noun which most accurately describes the result is indeed “process” (I consulted my thesaurus for a less ostentatious term, but only an officious wanker would describe writing as a “procedure”).

The first aspect is probably self-explanatory—“mental formulation” is basically just a douche-y way of saying “thinking about stuff.” Naturally, I have to develop an idea in my mind that I think is worth putting into words before I, you know, put it into words. Despite the schizophrenic tangents these pieces often swerve into, I assure you a significant amount of forethought goes into what they should ostensibly be about before a single letter is typed. So no matter how insensible the missives in Life on a Shelf may seem at times, I assure you that all of them are hatched from an embryonic guiding vision which was subjected to vigorous cerebral computation before I expelled it onto the page. Or something.

My “ritualistic preparation” these days involves brewing a pot of coffee while my laptop boots up, then stepping out onto my balcony to smoke a cigarette. I assume other writers have their own routines (although I can’t fathom how anybody gets anything done without coffee and cigarettes). As for me, a Camel Blue and five minutes of pensive silence are the ideal trappings to activate the creative headspace I need to be in to get down to business, and a glug of Pacific Northwest Blend with plenty of creamer supplies a constructive intermission whenever I need to gather my thoughts before finishing a sentence… like I just did after I typed those ellipses.

These elements are easily managed—I think about stuff all the time, and I’ve been known to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee even when I’m not writing. In fact, “elementary discipline” is the sole truly daunting component of the “process” (“pretentious fucking quotation marks again”). Though you might imagine the most challenging aspect of being a writer is generating quality material, this is absolutely not the case. Have you ever browsed the Romance section at a bookstore? Next time you do, select any novel with a bare-chested cowboy or highlander on the cover and read the synopsis on the back; you will promptly ascertain that something as otiose as quality never factored into that author’s process. Admittedly, I’ve never written a Romance novel, but I’ve read enough of them to deduce their methodology: devise a serviceable plot which strikes the delicate balance of sappy and rapey that is essential to the genre, concoct a couple names like Liam O’Shaughnessey and Analisa Winthrope, then start cranking out pages. Whether or not the finished product turns out any good is basically irrelevant; it got written. And ultimately, that’s all that matters.

Which brings us to the crux of the issue, my friends: the only difficult thing about writing… is actually writing. As in, sitting down and fucking doing it. Whether you have ideas or not. Whether you have time or not. Whether you even want to or not.

I am battling against all of those things at present. I don’t have any concrete concept of where this piece should go, despite having already listened to the trio of Chiodos discs I own two times each. I suppose I do technically have time because I’m not at work and I’m not asleep—however, it is currently 2:49 a.m., so I’m only a couple hours away from officially being up Stupidly Late. And if I’m being totally honest, I don’t particularly feel like writing this right now. Actually, I haven’t much felt like writing anything lately.

Popular legend asserts that Jack Kerouac authored On the Road in a single marathon, chemical-fueled session. That particular work has of course accumulated a mythic significance, and the integral way its unorthodox genesis factors into the iconography of The Beat Generation’s magnum opus cannot be overstated—there’s just something irresistibly romantic about the notion of a writer so driven to immortalize his masterpiece that he hammered away at it non-stop until he purged the whole thing out of his head and onto the page. On the Road’s putative origin story is such a renowned facet of its existence, it hardly matters anymore that the accepted account of Kerouac composing the novel in one fever-dream sitting is pure hyperbole. It actually took him three full weeks to type the thing, and he was only able to do it that quickly because he had been sketching out the manuscript in his journals for several months beforehand. I’m not pointing this out to belittle the impact of Kerouac’s most revered literary contribution—although I personally found On the Road prodigiously underwhelming when I finally read it, I still concede that crafting an entire novel in three weeks is a duly impressive feat. Even so, for our purposes here, I would like it known that the quixotic notion of writers routinely hunkering down and hammering out text in a frenetic slit-jugular gush is absolute bullshit.

The truth is this: writing is almost never borne from lightning-in-a-bottle surges of inspiration. The vast majority of prose is instead borne from endless, maddening hours spent agonizing over a single word. An entire afternoon spent obsessing over one sentence that will inevitably undergo further alteration when you re-read it the next afternoon and realize it’s still not sitting quite right. Days and nights and months and years whose elapses become measured in pages—days and nights and months and years spent toiling in seclusion. Writing is lonely, punishing work that yields limitless frustration and only sporadic satisfaction. It is the most bi-polar of artistic expressions, a drug that poisons as often as it cures, and you never know which trip you’re in store for from one fix to the next. To be a writer is to give your heart to a mistress who demands steadfast devotion while she repeatedly punches you in the face, yet you keep coming back for more because every now and then she gives you a really awesome kiss instead. Asked what advice they would give to aspiring wordsmiths who wanted to know the secret to living a happy life as a writer, one prominent author is said to have remarked: “Don’t be a writer.” This quote is possibly apocryphal, but when I heard it, I believe it was attributed to Sylvia Plath—or maybe I just assume Sylvia Plath said it because she ended her life by sticking her head into her fucking oven. And, frankly, I don’t think she chose an entirely unreasonable course of action. Because, goddamn, this shit really hurts sometimes.

I am not Jack Kerouac. I did not shape my debut novel in one sitting, or even in three weeks. It took me five grueling years. Once I garnered the interest of an agent, I spent another several months editing my tome to the more marketable length she advised me to trim it to, then spent an additional several months patiently waiting while she shopped it. It was a protracted and sometimes excruciating interval. But one of the things that kept me afloat while I was laboring on this intensive undertaking was my presumption that its consummation was bound to feel like the afterglow of an epic make-out session.

Regrettably, it has not.

Since I finished the book, I have instead found myself in the grip of an acute postpartum depression. I do not feel triumphant, I feel lethargic and uninspired. This is a turn of events I did not foresee—throughout the half-decade I spent striving to complete that project, in the back of my mind I was simultaneously making grand plans to commence a new endeavor, and to subsequently start churning out huge chunks of pages on this one (or at least finish the goddamn letter “C”). And now, at last, for the past few months I have had several hours a day to fill with whatever artistic activities I choose… but I haven’t particularly desired to spend any of those hours doing anything artistic (the most significant feat I’ve been able to muster thus far is re-watching the first three seasons of Miami Vice).

I think I know what has instigated this listlessness. While I was working on the novel, my exclusive goal was its completion; the success or failure of that mission rested solely in my hands. However, my present goal is considerably loftier: I want the thing to get released so I can begin the career I’ve been chasing for two decades… and this is something I have absolutely no jurisdiction over. The outcome of that mission will be decreed by the prospective publishers who will determine the course of the rest of my life, faceless strangers who have the capacity to shatter all of my dreams simply by emailing the word “pass” to my agent.

Which many, many, many have already done.

I am incredibly grateful to be as far along on the course as I am. I am incredibly grateful that a representative at the most prestigious literary agency in the world read something I wrote and found enough merit in it to decide, “this guy doesn’t suck.” I am prouder of the novel I produced than I have been of anything I’ve ever created, and there are passages in it that are so good I can hardly believe I’m the one who wrote them. The manuscript represents an impeccable embodiment of the vision I had when I first sat down and started plucking away at it all those years ago, blissfully unaware of the weight and scope of the expedition I was about to embark on because it was a journey I had never taken before. I bumbled my way through the early chapters as I struggled to gain purchase on the story I wanted to tell, I gradually got to know my characters, and along the way I fell in love with some and grew to despise others, just as I hoped my eventual readers would. Writing the book was a revelatory experience—I became intimately acquainted not only with my craft, but also with the vastness of my passion for it. I drew upon reserves of endurance I did not even know I possessed, consuming innumerable days grinding on the text for six hours straight, breaking away only to go work an eight-hour restaurant shift, then coming home and writing some more until the sun came up before finally collapsing into my bed to sleep for five hours so I could wake up and do the exact same thing again the next day. It took literal and figurative years off my life, but I wrote a novel. And even better, when it was finished, I realized I had somehow written one that I think is pretty goddamn fantastic.

But I’m not basking in victory at the moment—I’m fucking terrified. Because now, after dozens of rejections, there is an increasingly strong chance that no one will ever read my pretty goddamn fantastic novel and this aspiration I have been working toward my entire life will culminate in failure.

I understand that every successful writer surely weathered numerous rebuffs before someone believed in their work enough to green-light their publishing career. My cognizance of this should probably provide me some measure of solace, perhaps assure me that I am in good company and merely going through another step of the “process.”

Except that’s not how I feel right now at all. Right now, I feel like I did the best I could, but the best I can do simply isn’t good enough.

And since we’re putting it all on the table here, I can freely admit that some of my melancholy stems from all of this happening while I’m counting down the final weeks of my thirties. I’ve never placed much significance on age-related milestones—sure, I was depressed when I turned 30, but that was mostly because I was still recovering from a recent break-up; I was also depressed when I turned 35, but that was mostly because I started that birthday eating alone at a Denny’s at two in the morning, which is an inherently depressing way to kick off your birthday irrespective of the year. I realize that being 40 is roughly as inconsequential as being 39 in the scheme of things. Only, it’s kind of fucking not.

It’s not so much the age itself that unsettles me—most of the time, I still conduct myself like an 18 year-old with an advanced record collection and an excessive proportion of grey in his beard; I’ve even grown out my belly and my hair again, so whenever I put on a Slayer shirt I don’t look a whole lot different than I did when I was actually 18. No, the aspect of turning 40 that I find discomfiting is purely internal: I can’t help myself from holding the general assumption that someone who has been on this planet for 40 years should probably have their shit together. And I know I do not. In almost every conceivable realm of my existence, I am behind the curve of innate anthropological evolution: I have not married or procreated, my current vocation is in an industry where even my superiors are at least a decade younger than me, and I still regularly stay up until 5 a.m. eating Doritos while I binge-view Friday The 13th films (in case you’re thinking of investing some time in the franchise, be cautioned that Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is not merely the worst entry in the series by a massive margin, it is an absolutely unredeemable piece of shit; I’ve only watched that one like 20 times).

When you’re young, 40 seems inconceivably ancient. And no matter how intimately you stay in touch with the edition of yourself who thought that way, sometimes 40 seems inconceivably ancient when you’re 39, too. That clichéd adage “you’re only as old as you feel” delivers no comfort whatsoever on the nights you come home at three in the morning after trudging through nine hours of the food-service work you’ve been slogging in the trenches of for ten years, when you’re depleted and sore and desperately wishing you had some other skillset to realistically earn a decent living, and you evaluate your throbbing feet and your aching back and your weary brain and conclude that if you truly are as old as you feel, then you might have accidentally blinked and turned 65 during your shift. I’m uncertain if I’m old enough to accurately classify myself as old, but I am certainly too old to accurately classify myself as young, and I am old enough to be painfully aware of this.

Consequently, I’m probably also too old to be listening to Chiodos, an archetypal emo ensemble whose musical ethos predominantly evokes a more symphonic incarnation of My Chemical Romance, with intermittent screamy-growly vocals and plenty of requisitely-unwieldy song titles like “I Didn’t Say I Was Powerful, I Said I Was A Wizard”. It’s unlikely I will ever see Chiodos live since they split up in 2016, though I can presume with minimal imprecision that if I did go to one of their shows I would be older than every other person there. Tellingly, the group’s eldest member was only 30 when they disbanded, which suggests that even the dudes who actually played in Chiodos deemed their music unsuitable for people my age.

Despite my cultural incompatibility, I do like Chiodos, and I think a few of their tunes may even merit the designation of awesome. I don’t know if this justifies owning three of their records—the only one I spin with any regularity is 2014’s Devil, mostly for the scorching cut “Ole Fishlips Is Dead Now”, a balls-out metal opus whose bridge section is as thrillingly brutal as its title is silly. Come to think of it, there are a lot of things about the band’s sonic and imagistic aesthetic that strike me as silly, so I’m not sure I entirely understand why I like them. Further, I’m not sure I’m even supposed to like them. In a very real sense, Chiodos embodies the epoch when I officially stopped being part of the demographic that music for young people is aimed at: their debut record—2005’s All’s Well That Ends Well—was released the summer after I graduated from college to presumably take my first steps into proper adulthood (although, I spent most of that summer smoking pot and playing Tekken with my then-girlfriend from two in the afternoon until sunrise, which may not have necessarily qualified as “adulting”).

As such, my initial awareness of Chiodos was primarily defined by my not being aware of them at all. They were exactly the sort of outfit that headlined the Vans Warped Tour the very first year a line-up for that festival was announced which forced me to concede I hadn’t heard of any of the bands performing at an event I had once attended religiously. I don’t think I even registered this sea-change at the time (I think I mostly just grumbled, “dude, the Warped Tour line-up sucks this year”). Yet as Chiodos and I continued advancing on our separate paths, I gradually became conscious that my alt-rock era had officially come to an unceremonious end and a legion of skinny-jean-and-eye-liner-wearing dudes with injudicious haircuts and a multiplicity of neck tattoos had seized the mantle. Since this new crop of youth-medium-t-shirt bands—Falling In Reverse, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce The Veil, et al—looked so ridiculous to me, I naturally assumed they also sounded ridiculous; upon further inspection, many of these bands do, indubitably, sound ridiculous. However, somewhere along the way, I began to accept an uncomfortable truth: my inability to wholeheartedly appreciate the music of the alt-young is more my fault than the bands’.

It would be extremely narrow-minded of me to sum up what we’ll call the emo scene—for lack of a better term—as “loud songs about girls” (especially since the inclusion of pretty songs about girls between the loud songs about girls is precisely the reason so many girls like the bands in this genus). Nonetheless, on a fundamental level, the vast majority of the music in that canon is indeed characterized by myopic lyrical musings about assorted stages of the boy-meets-girl-boy-loses-girl paradigm. Even the heaviest track in the Chiodos catalog (the afore-mentioned “Ole Fishlips”) features a chorus that begins with the lines: “I want to forget you / You’ve broken everything I love, took all my light and turned it into dusk.” Granted, that’s a damn solid stanza, but it’s not one I can presently relate to. Those words don’t evoke anything in my current existence—the last time someone took all my light and turned it into dusk was a full five years ago; I can barely remember what that felt like now, let alone what being in love to begin with felt like. As much as I appreciate some of the music crafted by acts of Chiodos’ ilk on a purely “that rocks” level, it simply doesn’t resonate with me on an emotional level. The most pressing concerns in my world aren’t centered around whether any of my foxy co-workers like-me-like-me or not; I’m a lot more worried about how I’m going to pay my rent in a few years when my body is too broken down for me to be their co-worker anymore.

Which brings about a more imperative revelation that is just now dawning on me: there isn’t a whole lot of modern rock I can relate to. People of my advanced age are ostensibly supposed to listen to bands like Coldplay, whose music has never spoken to me at all—near as I can tell, most of their songs are either about how exhilarating it feels to discover a great new organic juice bistro or the simple pleasure of trying on an Abercrombie & Fitch v-neck that fits you just right. There aren’t too many rock frontmen writing tunes about wrestling with an uncertain future while the mounting impediments of middle age conspire to diminish their tenacity. Maybe that’s why most of the new records I get excited about are still by death metal bands, whose tunes eschew any musings on situational angst or starry-eyed ardor in favor of graphic elucidations of the various phases of the deceasing process (being violently killed, decomposition, the ensuing sexual defilement of one’s corpse, etc.). Perhaps it’s depressing that I think about dying a lot more frequently than I think about girls these days, yet the fact remains that my particular juncture of the mortal cycle is sorely underrepresented in the contemporary rock register. Aerosmith’s “Dream On” was written way back in 1973; what the fuck have you done for me lately?

When I hear a twenty-something vocalist plaintively bemoaning insecurity about his place in the world, it doesn’t elicit a poignant response from me anymore—now I just sort of meh-shrug because I know he has plenty of time to figure his shit out (and, besides, I find it difficult to sympathize with the amorous woes of any dude with flawless cheekbones who belts out those songs every night to a sea of female fans so devoted to him that they’d willingly gouge out the eyes of the person standing next to them if he told them they could touch his penis afterwards). An audience of that singer’s peers is wholly in synch with that species of nebulous life anxieties, so they are undoubtedly buoyed to ascertain that a musician they esteem is going through the same trials as them. But I am no longer in that audience, no longer a peer. I can hardly blame any of those bands or their fans for my being a man staring down his 40’s; they didn’t do that to me, time did. Regardless, I have become increasingly incapable of forging a sincere connection with them, which makes it tough for me to take them seriously since they ply their trade via an art-form that is the most singular connective tissue of my being.

I’m of course minimizing for humorous and dramatic effect. There are plenty of more recent outfits whose work has invigorated me over these last few years (if you want me to name names, I’ll happily toss out Modern Baseball, White Lung, Pity Sex, TV Ghost, Moon King, Thee Oh Sees, and Warpaint, among others). Still, I am perpetually reminded that as I segue into my future, most of the truly significant musical figures in my life are destined to remain those who came into my life in my past—especially when I consider that out of the six upcoming concerts I currently have tickets for, not one of the bands I’m going to see was formed in this century.

Chiodos was a very good band. Perhaps even a great one. They authored some creative, impressively-technical music that was executed by a cast of clearly skilled players. Devil is a consistently killer record from start to finish. Judging by how many of their stylistic flourishes I’ve noted in the work of several similar outfits that arrived in their wake, Chiodos is probably terribly important to a large number of people a generation removed from me. Nonetheless, as much as I enjoy a lot of their tunes, Chiodos is just not terribly important to me—I am writing about them here simply because they are the next band in my library.

What is important to me, however, is overcoming this dismal miasma that has settled over me. I have no desire to spend my 40’s the same way I spent most of my 30’s: ever-crawling dejectedly onward, all the while recognizing my destiny like a beacon on the distant horizon and wondering when I will reach it, inexorably waiting for the life I want to live to finally begin. After facing numerous setbacks—the worst being a deal that was actually on paper awaiting signatures, one that my agent was forced to pass on to protect me because of an untenable small-print proviso which ceded absolute ownership of my work to the publisher—the status of my authorial career is thus: my best option now is to craft another novel and restart the process from scratch. The challenge this poses is fresh and staggering: now I know precisely how difficult it is to write a novel, how long it takes, how much of myself will be devoured along the way. And I will have to plunge into this undertaking without any assurance that eventual success will ensue, since it did not the first time.

Yet if I have any prayer of meeting that challenge, first I have to dissipate this fog that has enveloped me. I cannot complete the task until I begin it in earnest. So maybe, just maybe, if I can coax myself to finish an essay about a band that doesn’t mean anything to me, I’ll be able to coax myself back to pursuing the desire that means everything to me.

It’s time for me to sit down again. And fucking do it. Whether I have ideas or not. Whether I have time or not. Whether I even want to or not. Like chaste Analisa Winthrope—who initially resists the brutish advances of that notorious rogue Liam O’Shaughnessey, until she beholds the throbbing nucleus of manhood beneath his kilt and finally yields to the humid yearning in her loins—I must succumb to my passion.

Because writing isn’t something I do. It’s what I am. Sure, those punches in the face are never pleasant. But, man, when I get those kisses instead…

This probably isn’t the best installment of Life on a Shelf I’ve ever composed. It might not even be a particularly strong one.

But that’s basically irrelevant. It got written.

And right now, ultimately, that’s all that matters.

April 5, 2018

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shadow-of-the-giant · 7 years

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The Only Eyewitness Account of the Eruption

Pliny the Younger is the only source we have of an "eyewitness account" of Vesuvius' eruption. His uncle, Pliny the Elder, died sometime during the eruption, most likely because of respiratory issues during his rescue mission to Stabiae. Pliny the Younger wrote two letters to the historian Tacitus some 27 years after the eruption, explaining what he saw and his uncle's death. Their translation is below.

Pliny the Younger, Letters 6.16 and 6.20 From Penguin translation by Betty Radice. 6.16. Pliny to Cornelius Tacitus Thank you for asking me to send you a description of my uncle's death so that you can leave an accurate account of it for posterity; I know that immortal fame awaits him if his death is recorded by you. It is true that he perished in a catastrophe which destroyed the loveliest regions of the earth, a fate shared by whole cities and their people, and one so memorable that is likely to make his name live for ever: and he himself wrote a number of books of lasting value: but you write for all time and can still do much to perpetuate his memory. The fortunate man, in my opinion, is he to whom the gods have granted the power either to do something which is worth recording or to write what is worth reading, and most fortunate of all is the man who can do both. Such a man was my uncle, as his own books and yours will prove. So you set me a task I would choose for myself, and I am more than willing to start on it. My uncle was stationed at Misenum, in active command of the fleet. On 24 August, in the early afternoon, my mother drew his attention to a cloud of unusual size and appearance. He had been out in the sun, had taken a cold bath, and lunched while lying down, and was then working at his books. He called for his shoes and climbed up to a place which would give him the best view of the phenomenon. It was not clear at that distance from which mountain the cloud was rising (it was afterwards known to be Vesuvius); its general appearance can be best expressed as being like an umbrella pine, for it rose to a great height on a sort of trunk and then split off into branches, I imagine because it was thrust upwards by the first blast and then left unsupported as the pressure subsided, or else it was borne down by its own weight so that it spread out and gradually dispersed. Sometimes it looked white, sometimes blotched and dirty, according to the amount of soil and ashes it carried with it. My uncle's scholarly acumen saw at once that it was important enough for a closer inspection, and he ordered a boat to be made ready, telling me I could come with him if I wished. I replied that I preferred to go on with my studies, and as it happened he had himself given me some writing to do. As he was leaving the house, he was handed a message from Rectina, wife of Tascius whose house was at the foot of the mountain, so that escape was impossible except by boat. She was terrified by the danger threatening her and implored him to rescue her from her fate. He changed his plans, and what he had begun in a spirit of inquiry he completed as a hero. He gave orders for the warships to be launched and went on board himself with the intention of bringing help to many more people besides Rectina, for this lovely stretch of coast was thickly populated. He hurried to the place which everyone else was hastily leaving, steering his course straight for the danger zone. He was entirely fearless, describing each new movement and phase of the portent to be noted down exactly as he observed them. Ashes were already falling, hotter and thicker as the ships drew near, followed by bits of pumice and blackened stones, charred and cracked by the flames: then suddenly they were in shallow water, and the shore was blocked by the debris from the mountain. For a moment my uncle wondered whether to turn back, but when the helmsman advised this he refused, telling him that Fortune stood by the courageous and they must make for Pomponianus at Stabiae. He was cut off there by the breadth of the bay (for the shore gradually curves round a basin filled by the sea) so that he was not as yet in danger, though it was clear that this would come nearer as it spread. Pomponianus had therefore already put his belongings on board ship, intending to escape if the contrary wind fell. This wind was of course full in my uncle's favour, and he was able to bring his ship in. He embraced his terrified friend, cheered and encouraged him, and thinking he could calm his fears by showing his own composure, gave orders that he was to be carried to the bathroom. After his bath he lay down and dined; he was quite cheerful, or at any rate he pretended he was, which was no less courageous. Meanwhile on Mount Vesuvius broad sheets of fire and leaping flames blazed at several points, their bright glare emphasized by the darkness of night. My uncle tried to allay the fears of his companions by repeatedly declaring that these were nothing but bonfires left by the peasants in their terror, or else empty houses on fire in the districts they had abandoned. Then he went to rest and certainly slept, for as he was a stout man his breathing was rather loud and heavy and could be heard by people coming and going outside his door. By this time the courtyard giving access to his room was full of ashes mixed with pumice-stones, so that its level had risen, and if he had stayed in the room any longer he would never have got out. He was wakened, came out and joined Pomponianus and the rest of the household who had sat up all night. They debated whether to stay indoors or take their chance in the open, for the buildings were now shaking with violent shocks, and seemed to be swaying to and fro, as if they were torn from their foundations. Outside on the other hand, there was the danger of falling pumice-stones, even though these were light and porous; however, after comparing the risks they chose the latter. In my uncle's case one reason outweighed the other, but for the others it was a choice of fears. As a protection against falling objects they put pillows on their heads tied down with cloths. Elsewhere there was daylight by this time, but they were still in darkness, blacker and denser than any ordinary night, which they relieved by lighting torches and various kinds of lamp. My uncle decided to go down to the shore and investigate on the spot the possibility of any escape by sea, but he found the waves still wild and dangerous. A sheet was spread on the ground for him to lie down, and he repeatedly asked for cold water to drink. Then the flames and smell of sulphur which gave warning of the approaching fire drove the others to take flight and roused him to stand up. He stood leaning on two slaves and then suddenly collapsed, I imagine because the dense fumes choked his breathing by blocking his windpipe which was constitutionally weak and narrow and often inflamed. When daylight returned on the 26th—two days after the last day he had seen—his body was found intact and uninjured, still fully clothed and looking more like sleep than death. Meanwhile my mother and I were at Misenum, but this is not of any historic interest, and you only wanted to hear about my uncle’s death. I will say no more, except to add that I have described in detail every incident which I either witnessed myself or heard about immediately after the event, when reports were most likely to be accurate. It is for you to select what best suits your purpose, for there is a great difference between a letter to a friend and history written for all to read. 6.20. Pliny to Cornelius Tacitus So the letter which you asked me to write on my uncle's death has made you eager to hear about the terrors and hazards I had to face when left at Misenum, for I broke off at the beginning of this part of my story. "Though my mind shrinks from remembering…I will begin." After my uncle's departure I spent the rest of the day with my books, as this was my reason for staying behind. Then I took a bath, dined, and then dozed fitfully for a while. For several days past there had been earth tremors which were not particularly alarming because they are frequent in Campania: but that night the shocks were so violent that everything felt as if it were not only shaken but overturned. My mother hurried into my room and found me already getting up to wake her if she were still asleep. We sat down in the forecourt of the house, between the buildings and the sea close by. I don't know whether I should call this courage or folly on my part (I was only seventeen at the time) but I called for a volume of Livy and went on reading as if I had nothing else to do. I even went on with the extracts I had been making. Up came a friend of my uncle's who had just come from Spain to join him. When he saw us sitting there and me actually reading, he scolded us both—me for my foolhardiness and my mother for allowing it. Nevertheless, I remained absorbed in my book. By now it was dawn, but the light was still dim and faint. The buildings round us were already tottering, and the open space we were in was too small for us not to be in real and imminent danger if the house collapsed. This finally decided us to leave the town. We were followed by a panic-stricken mob of people wanting to act on someone else’s decision in preference to their own (a point in which fear looks like prudence), who hurried us on our way by pressing hard behind in a dense crowd. Once beyond the buildings we stopped, and there we had some extraordinary experiences which thoroughly alarmed us. The carriages we had ordered to be brought out began to run in different directions though the ground was quite level, and would not remain stationary even when wedged with stones. We also saw the sea sucked away and apparently forced back by the earthquake: at any rate it receded from the shore so that quantities of sea creatures were left stranded on dry sand. On the landward side a fearful black cloud was rent by forked and quivering bursts of flame, and parted to reveal great tongues of fire, like flashes of lightning magnified in size. At this point my uncle’s friend from Spain spoke up still more urgently: "If your brother, if your uncle is still alive, he will want you both to be saved; if he is dead, he would want you to survive him—why put off your escape?" We replied that we would not think of considering our own safety as long as we were uncertain of his. Without waiting any longer, our friend rushed off and hurried out of danger as fast as he could. Soon afterwards the cloud sank down to earth and covered the sea; it had already blotted out Capri and hidden the promontory of Misenum from sight. Then my mother implored, entreated and commanded me to escape the best I could—a young man might escape, whereas she was old and slow and could die in peace as long as she had not been the cause of my death too. I refused to save myself without her, and grasping her hand forced her to quicken her pace. She gave in reluctantly, blaming herself for delaying me. Ashes were already falling, not as yet very thickly. I looked round: a dense black cloud was coming up behind us, spreading over the earth like a flood. "Let us leave the road while we can still see," I said, "or we shall be knocked down and trampled underfoot in the dark by the crowd behind." We had scarcely sat down to rest when darkness fell, not the dark of a moonless or cloudy night, but as if the lamp had been put out in a closed room. You could hear the shrieks of women, the wailing of infants, and the shouting of men; some were calling their parents, others their children or their wives, trying to recognize them by their voices. People bewailed their own fate or that of their relatives, and there were some who prayed for death in their terror of dying. Many besought the aid of the gods, but still more imagined there were no gods left, and that the universe was plunged into eternal darkness for evermore. There were people, too, who added to the real perils by inventing fictitious dangers: some reported that part of Misenum had collapsed or another part was on fire, and though their tales were false they found others to believe them. A gleam of light returned, but we took this to be a warning of the approaching flames rather than daylight. However, the flames remained some distance off; then darkness came on once more and ashes began to fall again, this time in heavy showers. We rose from time to time and shook them off, otherwise we should have been buried and crushed beneath their weight. I could boast that not a groan or cry of fear escaped me in these perils, had I not derived some poor consolation in my mortal lot from the belief that the whole world was dying with me and I with it. At last the darkness thinned and dispersed into smoke or cloud; then there was genuine daylight, and the sun actually shone out, but yellowish as it is during an eclipse. We were terrified to see everything changed, buried deep in ashes like snowdrifts. We returned to Misenum where we attended to our physical needs as best we could, and then spent an anxious night alternating between hope and fear. Fear predominated, for the earthquakes went on, and several hysterical individuals made their own and other people’s calamities seem ludicrous in comparison with their frightful predictions. But even then, in spite of the dangers we had been through, and were still expecting, my mother and I had still no intention of leaving until we had news of my uncle. Of course these details are not important enough for history, and you will read them without any idea of recording them; if they seem scarcely worth putting in a letter, you have only yourself to blame for asking them. source

#in the shadow of the giant #ancient rome au #my fanfic #j2 au #historical au #pliny the younger #mt. vesuvius #eruption

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