#what memory/thought did jim project so spock would know its him

[spirk-trek]

"You are closer to the captain than anyone in the universe. You know his thoughts. What does your telepathic mind tell you now?"

"I believe you."

S3E24 | Turnabout Intruder

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 29: The Wrath of Khan

Today’s movie watching was Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

My overall impression versus TMP is that this is clearly a smoother and more consistently entertaining film. It has a definite story with very little filler, good pacing, a lot of great little dialogue and character moments, and a strong conflict at its center.

But its sci fi bona fides are much weaker. Like by a lot.

Mom and I are talking a bit about Genesis and the more we talk, the weaker it appears to me. First, it’s not really as believable, imo, as a lot of Star Trek. Maybe it’s because it’s not alien based, but I just have a harder time suspending disbelief to think this is possible. Second, it’s not clear why anyone thought this was a good idea. I mean, as McCoy immediately pointed out, it just seems so CLEARLY dangerous: an object meant to foster creation that could so easily be the worst weapon the universe has ever known--nothing could go awry there! Third, the reason for creating such a device isn’t obvious at all. Carol mentions the “growing population” and “food scarcity” but nothing we’ve ever seen of the Federation implies they’re running out of space. Or, frankly (Tarsus IV aside), food. And fourth, there really isn’t any point to Genesis in all its particulars in this film. Like, obviously, its actual purpose is a plot device to resurrect Spock. Within just this film, it doesn’t do anything. Khan wants it, for some reason I’ve already forgotten even though I just saw the film, and he gets it, but I didn’t even notice that happening, because it was so unimportant. His REAL mission is his single minded revenge fantasy on Kirk. Genesis is just a McGuffin/space filler/plot device for the next film.

And honestly that’s not such a big deal, except that when you compare it to TMP, ,and its central idea of a human made probe that gained so much knowledge, doing what we taught it to do, that it became sentient and then started searching for the meaning of life, and how this relates to the search for meaning experienced by the main alien lead, and how his search, in that film and throughout the series, is a mirror for humans and OUR need for purpose... well it just seems really weak. “We made this really dangerous and unrealistic thing for no reason whoops!”

Mom is now criticizing Kirk for being too slow on the uptake when he first encounters the Reliant, which is fair. That’s pretty OOC of him. The idea that he’s too old for space is both one that I must personally disregard, and one that the film would have you discard, since we’ve already heard from TWO characters, the people who know him best, that his best destiny is as a starship captain, and command is his proper role. And that he might be a little rusty is also not a great explanation imo, because the rust was supposed to have come off in TMP. So, plot hole probably.

We were trying to do some math--TMP is at least 2 years post 5YM and TWOK is at least 10 years post TMP, so at least 8 years post TMP. I can understand more rust growing but like... he was already an Admiral in TMP and the idea that he was out of practice with actual command was a big part of his arc there. So it doesn’t seem warranted to do that again.

Also, the way he was commanding poorly in TMP was very IC: he was pushing too hard, trying too much, caring too much about the mission and not enough about...the laws of physics. That’s very Kirk. Being slow on the uptake, caught with his britches down--that’s not Kirk. Plus, with no one to call him out on it, like Decker did in TMP, his poor command doesn’t seem like a big character obstacle to overcome but just like...sloppiness all around.

I thought Khan was over all... just not that interesting. I guess I’m just not into the obsession/revenge plot. Also...idk man he didn’t seem that super to me. He outsmarted Kirk, like, once, and Kirk outsmarted him like 4 times. He tortured some people--but regular humans can do that. He used those sandworm thingies, which is also something humans could do. Overall, he didn’t seem to have any particularly special skills. The only time he really seemed like a worthy adversary for Kirk was when Kirk wasn’t really being IC himself.

I’m also not into the fridging of his wife. Think how much cooler it would have been if she’d still been alive! The only non-super human in the bunch and she’s still there! Ex-Starfleet and bitter!

The K/S in this film is very soothing. Imo they are clearly together here, and the whole film is better if you assume they’re boyfriends and everyone knows. That Vulcan convo that Spock and Saavik have? Waaaaay funnier if you think she’s talking about his boyfriend (”not what I expected....very human” “Well no one’s perfect”). Every time they call each other ‘friend’ like ““friend”“? All the Looks? The birthday gift?

Also the “I have been and always shall be your [friend]” scene is a wedding I will not be taking criticism on this opinion. Could it have been written more like a vow? I think not. It’s not quite This Simple Feeling but it’s the best this film has in that regard.

I liked Saavik and I do think she’s one of the better later-movie additions (though I only like her, as far as I can remember, when played by Kirstie Alley). She didn’t necessarily strike me as super alien, though, at least not at first... But I appreciated how persistent she was about the stupid test, and her regulation quoting. I enjoyed her. I also liked how she was obviously Spock’s protege, which makes her Kirk’s step-protege, and they had just a little bit of that awkward dynamic going on. (”Did you change your hair?”)

The Bones and Kirk relationship was great in this film. You can really feel their friendship and their history with each other. Bones knows him so well and can be honest with him, just when Kirk needs it most.

I also love how Kirk has the SAME conversation with both Bones and Spock (re: being a captain again) but with Spock it’s sooooo much flirtier. In case you weren’t sure what the difference in these two relationships is.

Bonus: this bit of dialogue: Spock: “Be careful, Jim.” / Bones: “WE will.” Lol Spock people who aren’t your boyfriend do exist.

Obviously, I cried during THAT scene. Honestly AOS should have taken note about how to do emotional scenes like that: they come after the main action is over and the villain is defeated. Then they hit at the right time and to the right degree. Kirk just slumping down after Spock dies....like he’s boneless...like he doesn’t know what to do... I CANNOT.

I feel so bad for him that I’ll even forgive him that awful eulogy. Spock died for Genesis? Uh, no, he died for the Enterprise, and for YOU. Spock is the “most human”? You shut your whoreson mouth

I remember hating both Carol and David but I actually hated them less this time, Carol especially. My mom is being really harsh about her, though, which makes me feel less confident in my assessment. I mean first off, she’s the inventor of Genesis, which is a pretty big strike against her. Second...pretty lame to keep Kirk from David. Although I did some vague math and Kirk would only have been about 21, still in the Academy, when David was born, so you can see how that would work out. Also, she distinctly says “Were we together?” which means they were not--this was a fuck buddy arrangement for sure. More complicated. But it still feels weird to retcon that, like, he’s known THIS WHOLE TIME that he’s a dad and we’re only learning about it now, as an audience.

Anyway I’m getting off track. Carol. What to make of her? Is she unstable? Is she still mad at Kirk? My mom points out that she just decided on her own that David would want to join Starfleet if he knew Kirk was his father--whereas what seems to have happened instead is he didn’t just become a civilian scientist like his mom but became her specific protege--working on a project where everyone was probably handpicked by her? I would assume? Also..he hates Starfleet. Not to put everything on the mom, but how did that happen?

Also...going down the rabbit hole of this and feeling awkward about it... but David KNEW Kirk. As “that guy you hung around with.” That means Kirk was in his life for quite a while, long enough for him to have memories, and long enough for those memories to still be with him even into his 20s. But he was never allowed to know who Kirk was. That means Carol’s rule must have been “You can see your son but you can’t tell him who you are” which in some way seems meaner to me than just “please don’t contact us again.” If he was already on his way into space, that could even make sense--”I know you’re not going to be able to be a family with us, so let’s not pretend, let’s make a clean break now.” But that wasn’t what happened!

Anyway whatever not to be HAICG!Kirk about this or anything lol

David is mostly annoying because he’s so anti-Kirk lol. I found him least annoying when he came around to Kirk at the end. Another big strike against him: he wore his sweater tied over his shoulders in such a Preppy manner. I honestly don’t see what about him is supposed to be reminiscent of Kirk.

David/Saavik was definitely happening lol. I wish I could have heard that conversation. It sounds like she told him a lot!!! Not sure why she attached herself to this particular annoying human so fast but I guess she did.

....I think that might be all. The uniforms and general styling were much better than TMP (though less funny/entertaining), and it was certainly an enjoyable overall yarn. A lot to pick apart and critique but in a fun way. Will probably watch The Search for Spock soon.

[chartreuseblood]

Lucy

“Wait, wait, wait. Who was that little girl who was in there for most of that?”

The Vulcan finally lifted his eyes from the cave floor to look at this young, blue-eyed Kirk. His dark eyebrows were furrowed and his expression was riddled with questions about everything from the mind meld, even if he only verbally expressed one.

Spock began to recall with a light of fondness what specific memories he was referring to and could not conceal his soft smile.

“My granddaughter.”

They were in the middle of a game of chess. 

Both men had been simultaneously sipping their mugs of tea as Jim strategically planned his upcoming move. Spock had made to point out that Jim’s reading glasses were still on, in which he got the reply that he knew Spock enjoyed him in the glasses, of which there was always a tinge of warmth that could not be relinquished. 

The chess piece was just barely touching the board when the PADD sat on the kitchen island buzzed a message notification. Jim laid the piece down and rose, careful not to shake the table, making his way to see what was said, only after pressing a hasty kiss to his husband’s temple. 

L.H.MCCOY: Jim, I think you ought to see to this... The girls have some big news and they want you two to hear it, too. 

 The girls. ‘The girls’ always referred to Saavik and Joanna. After the initial mentorship, Jim and Spock felt as though Saavik was a daughter to them and took her in as so, which she gladly accepted. There was a mutual feeling of love at first sight when the women first met, no matter how much they continuously seem to get under each other’s skin. Bones had always been somewhat of a brother and became even more so when the daughters married. 

Spock had already read the emotion and thoughts through the bond as Jim mentally read the message so he knew what was being beckoned as they made eye contact. He huffed getting up from the comfort of his favorite dining chair, only to get comfortable again moments later, sat between Jim’s hip and the sofa’s armrest with his legs across Jim’s lap. His arm curled across Jim’s shoulders and began running his fingers repeatedly through tight ringlets as Jim turned on the large screen viewer above their mantle. 

It took a minute and a few uncounted rings for the girls to pick up. As usual, there was some bickering already heard on their line and hardly ceased by time the connection stabilized. 

“Sa-mekh, you are being as grossly affectionate as always.” was the first remark, coming from Saavik and being directed at Spock. Had he been fully human, he would have retorted in a comment but instead lifting an eyebrow before getting an idea. He turned Jim’s head towards his own and initiated a deeply passionate kiss, to be even more ‘gross’.

“Disgusting...” Joanna scoffed, watching the tender happening before her. She and her wife were mentally in mutual agreement that they were dirty old men. 

“You sound more and more like your father each day, Jo.” Kirk chuckled after the make-out session cut short. Spock’s head then laid between his jawline and shoulder, intertwining their fingers in the shared lap. 

As Joanna shook her head, he continued, “Bones said you two had something important to tell us.” At this, Joanna returned her composure and shared a sympathetic look with Saavik. 

“Yes,” The half-Vulcan woman started, looking down at their desk and picking something up, “We are, as humans put it, ‘expecting’.” Her delivery was blunt as her attention was turned to gauge reactions. 

“Oh.” was all Jim could softly manage to say. Previously, Spock’s head had been resting and his eyes closed but the earth-shattering news caused him to pick it up and stare with knitted eyebrows. 

“Who is carrying?” He inquired blatantly, receiving a nervous smile from Joanna in response. 

“Du s’frei the tehvars, a’ri?” His voice was unwavering, nearly cold, as he spoke in native tongue, concealing a portion of the conversation. [You understand the dangers, correct?]

“Ah, ah, veling, sa-mekh. Olozhikaik? Ri, hi a aitlun.” At least Saavik understood what risk they were running and that their wish was not inherently logical. With that, Spock nodded his approval. [Yes, yes, of course, father. Logical? No, but a desire.] 

Joanna and Jim were still deserted among what was just exchanged but the Vulcans seemed pleased with themselves, which one could only hope for. 

When he found it appropriate, Jim set congratulations in order on both his and his husband’s behalfs. Surprisingly, Saavik actually let a small smile slip and she grasped Joanna’s hand graciously. All four agreed on keeping the older two up-to-date on how everything was blowing over. 

After the call was ended, Jim looked to Spock lovingly.

“This should shape up to be interesting.”

“It shall indeed be fascinating.”

Six months later, they transported cross-country for the small baby shower. When Jim had mentioned they were invited, Spock began extensive research into the human ritual and was calculating both efficiency and cost for their intended gift. Practicality and logical were key. 

Jim had to talk him out of a Sehlat cub and they compromised on a futuristic mobile. It projected onto the ceiling and presented stars and solar systems. Being as it were, Spock, of course, reprogrammed one of its settings to include Vulcan and its twin suns as an accoutrement. He revised the accuracy of the Terra diagram and its accompanying sister planets and stars, as well.

Jim was quite proud and assured him it would be well appreciated. It was no doubt thought of outside of the box. Mobiles were still typical, even well into the 23rd century, but not as this one was fitted. 

The couple were dozed off together the entire ride over to the apartment, Jim’s head on Spock’s shoulder and Spock’s own head resting on Jim’s forehead. You know how old men do. When they arrived, they spent a few minutes stretching before making their way to the front door. 

Saavik was the one to answered the door and directed them to the living area, flour dusted on her forehead. Spock wiped it off for her, not unlike a mother hen, before she turned on her heel to return to her current task. In the living room, Joanna was comfortably reclined in her leather recliner and the elder McCoy sat across from her on the sofa. 

The pair were greeted with a warm welcome. To Joanna’s convenience, she wasn’t expected to get up as Jim simply patted her hands rested on her stomach and Spock offered a ta’al. Bones, unexpectedly, got up to hug them and Spock actually allowed it for once. Saavik joined them a few minutes later, sitting on Joanna’s armrest and connecting a possessive hand to the swollen stomach that was almost awkward on that thin frame. 

“So just a little get-together?” Jim asked as his husband got comfortable beside him. 

“Yes, since someone insists it would keep my stress level down.” Joanna answered, narrowing her eyes at her father. 

“You know I’m right, missy.” He hissed in return.

“Christine says everything is fine.” 

“By human standards, yes. But you have to be more careful with half-breeds.” The other two half-breeds in the room shot him equally-matched glares. 

“Alright, alright, no need for a cat-fight. I was only wondering.” The tension only died slightly at Jim’s resolution. Spock only relaxed more at his husband’s touch. All could agree that there was truth in McCoy’s statement but his wording was what had everyone at his throat. 

The silence was awkward and unbroken until Saavik’s audible flinch and the uproar of Joanna laughing. The older men of the room weren’t quite sure what just happened before their eyes but it was enough to send Joanna into a wave of laughter tears and Saavik a dazed confusion. 

“Apparently the baby is also mad at you too, Dad.” Jo choked out, struggling to breath after laughing so hard. She had to remove her glasses to wipe her eyes and a wave of blonde fell in her face as she did. 

“She kicked really hard and that’s why Saav got so startled.” She explained finally, replacing her glasses on her nose.

“She?” Bones inquired, eyebrow slightly raised. It was almost an ancient mimic of Spock, which was scary in itself. 

“I neglected to mention that, didn’t I?” Joanna murmured, looking to Saavik who was nodding, “We found out the sex at the last ultrasound a few days ago.” 

“A little girl... I’ll be damned.” Leonard chuckled, leaning back in his spot. 

“Pay up, Bones.” Kirk directed at him, motioning at him as if he had the physical credits. They had drunkenly taken a gamble about a month earlier and somehow remembered it.

“Over my dead body.”

“You’re a dirty bastard, you cheat.” 

***

After a little while, they were preparing to sit and try the fruit tart concoction Saavik had slaved over when Joanna caught Kirk’s eyes level with her stomach.

“You can feel it if you’d like.” She said quietly, earning his eyes adverting upwards and blush threatening to reach his cheeks. 

“May I?” She was already offering but he wanted to solidify it by being polite. She nodded and his aged hand gingerly reached out to search for a kicking foot. It was a luxury he had missed out on with David before he was born and something bypassed by a lack of biological children among himself and Spock. In spite of these thoughts, he still warmly smiled at the feeling of a kick. 

Spock was observing the feat quietly at Kirk’s side. It was far beyond anything he’d had seen and though it appeared odd, he could lightly feel the significance, especially if he stretched across the bond to see Jim’s thoughts. It was when Joanna’s eyes met his in an offering manner that he unintentionally shuddered.

However, he still accepted the invitation as Kirk retreated to take his seat at the table once more. He barely had two fingers lightly touching the area before he flinched, even more so than Saavik had earlier. Everyone was slightly baffled but he was the most bewildered. Not even he knew why that happened. 

“I... apologize... for my reaction.” He mumbled, trying to compose himself. His finger tips almost felt singed and apparently there was a warm feeling on the other end as well. 

“Well, I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not, but she seems to have settled down.” Joanna seemed pleasantly surprised, if not somewhat joyed. It did mean a break on the inside on her abdomen. Spock was still stiff and tensed, not sure what exactly he had caused. 

“Dare I say you’re a magic man?” His husband laughed.

A little over three months passed until their next visit which would be more important. They were staying a few days before and after Joanna was due to help create a comfortable environment along with Bones.  

Barely a day and a half in, the little bun decided it was done cooking and wanted out. Thankfully, nobody panicked as they were all prepared. The nearest hospital had already been on call about all of this and were not alarmed at the sudden urgency.

They even flew in Dr. M’Benga, who they somehow still let practice medicine despite being as old of a bastard as Kirk and McCoy. The delivery was scheduled to be via cesarean section to ensure the safety of mother and child, and though M’Benga wouldn’t be performing it himself, he was still there to advise in the procedure. 

It was surprising they let Saavik stay in the room despite all of her pacing. The soon-to-be grandfathers were all sat quietly, watching whatever motion they could see from the glass window separating them from the surgery room. 

Soon, Saavik’s ears flicked and she ceased pacing at a first cry. Bones and Jim stood when they could faintly her it and all watched the child being fully lifted up. The human males were over come with joy and Saavik expressed the same feeling in her own way. 

While Spock arguably felt the same, it was hard to discern it out of the wave of emotion that crashed into him, turning his stomach nauseous and sending him searching for a restroom in case it followed through. Jim noticed his absence in seconds without the aid of the bond and went to find him. 

He had stumbled into the nearest restroom and there they sat, on the floor, waiting to see if anything would actually come up, Jim’s hand rubbing circles on Spock’s lower back. When no bile came burning up, they both sighed and looked to each other. 

“I’m sorry, Jim. I did not expect my... erratic behavior. Simply too many emotions flourished at once and I could not suppress them.” His tone was laden with guilt but Jim just took his face in hand, kissing all over it. He only stopped when Spock relaxed beneath him and even then, it was hard to stop. 

Finally, they got to their feet and began to make their way to the room where Joanna was taken after the operation was complete. Kirk walked in first and Spock was beginning to apologize behind him when he realized why his husband was in a dead-stop before him and everyone silent. 

There was a sort of majesty and awe in the first moments of a mother holding a child against her chest. Most did it with a bare chest for maximum skin contact and this was the case here. Saavik’s gaze was deeply in love and as proud as Kirk and the elder McCoy. As for Spock... He would not know for a while what he felt in that moment.

Nonetheless, it was a pleasant emotion, surely.

***

The few more days spent in the hospital than necessary was forwarded by McCoy’s warranted concern. It was top priority that the three quarters emotion of a baby was healthy and her mother was as well. 

Jim and Spock were only a call away until Bones told them everything was set and everyone met at the apartment. Saavik was the one wielding the baby, who was fully awake and staring at everyone with eyes whose color was not too dissimilar to Kirk’s. Despite having parents on the thinner side, the little one already had a small bit of weight to her. Or maybe it was just the density carried over by her genes. 

The baby -- Lucille (in which Jim made the joke “Little Richard or The Beatles?” which definitely showed his age) -- was interested in everyone and their fingers, despite being days old, though that may have once again been due to the green blooded heritage. However, the person who fascinated her the most was Spock; when she wasn’t distracted, Lucy’s attention was always on him and was constantly trying to grasp for him. 

He caught onto the pleas but willfully ignored them, not running the risk of, well, just about anything. From the previous outbursts to the possibility he could drop her or she’d hit one of his sensitive areas, he was not ready to take a chance. To his relief, everyone allowed it for a while. 

She was passed around by the other four and cooed at or swaddled in their arms. She only fussed a bit when she began to hunger, in which she was swept up by Joanna to be fed and peppered in kisses. She scowled with her little face for a moment as her soft cheeks were kissed but it didn’t matter as she was sleepy seconds after. 

Small eyes began to close gently until Jo started to sit back down, causing her to stir. Lucy sprung up a fit and turned to Spock, who was sat across the table, staring with teary eyes. It was not unusual that an eyebrow raised but it was a shock when he finally held out his hand to her, which she placed her tiny one into. At her continued squirming, Joanna gently passed her over for Spock to hold.

The only one not catching flies while gaping in awe was Jim, heart swollen with love as always. Spock began to rise to get comfortable on the sofa, but not without tenderly kissing his husband’s forehead. Everyone was still taking the moment in when he plopped down on the cushion, folding his legs as if he were going to meditate, perfectly cradling a smiling baby at his chest.

Knowing that it would take silence for Lucy to fall asleep, Saavik was the one who beckoned everyone to the porch for tea. Meanwhile, Spock only had to sit there before Lucy was dead asleep in the crook of his arm. He wasn’t sure when exactly he fell asleep himself. 

After a while, Joanna had come in to pry her daughter from his grasp to set her in a proper crib. She had thought her approach was gentle enough but Lucy was starting to fuss, in turn leading Spock to begin to stir. Everyone had a clear view from the porch and watched as she backed up to leave them at rest. The baby stilled and the lack of motion and noise caused Spock to relax once more.

It was in that moment everyone knew they’d be inseparable.

And, it held true that her Sa’mekh’al was always her favorite. It was true that Grandpa [Jim] was the most kind-hearted and Papa [McCoy] the funniest, but Sa’mekh’al was -- well, himself.

Just like Ko-mekh, he was a hybrid, but in his case, even more cast out based on his blood. Being Vulcan and Romulan was one thing, but they were more interrelated than being Vulcan and Human. Not to mention, he greatly understood the difficulty in keeping a human side under wrap. 

He taught her how to raise an eyebrow and the basics of the Vulcan language from a young age, both of which Saavik huffed at, having her daughter be articulate in native tongue while battling with their eyebrows. He also talked at length about science and his adventures. Occasionally, Lucy asked what it was like to be married and bonded to a t’hy’la. Whenever she asked, she could see the love swelling behind his eyes as he began to ramble on and on about Jim. 

Another stark similarity between them was the lack of childhood friends. It was understandably difficult to find other pointed-ear children in Boston. Spock would tell her that San Francisco was a melting pot and whenever she would be able to visit, she could likely find at least someone. It was a nice thought but she was content just confiding in him, even if they were always nearly five thousand kilometers between them. 

Upon Jim’s untimely death, he was able to, in return, seek comfort in her and her mothers. Anyone with half a brain could see the pain and grief he felt, but after all of the stories she heard growing up, Lucy knew it ran much deeper than what could been seen. 

She was the one who gifted him the holo of one of Jim’s last recordings and hung it on a chain. It would be the one he’d wear for years to come. That was the first time she ever saw him cry... no, not just cry... sob. 

To say the least, he was basically a reliable father figure in the place of a lack of a father. He taught her how to be a functional young woman, beyond what her parents taught her daily. They were almost as joined at the hip as Spock was to Jim.

“Spock?” 

The elder finally opened his eyes, taking notice of the wet tears frosting over on his cheeks. The young Kirk was looking at him with concern, biting his already busted lip. 

He had hoped the blue eyes would read the pain, grief, and lone feeling hidden behind his own but reminded himself that this was not his Jim. No, his younger self was who was to belong to him and have his pain read. 

“I apologize, I was entranced by recalling fond memories.” It was much too often he found himself apologizing to one Jim or another. 

“It’s alright...” The way this came out of this Jim’s mouth was too close to his t’hy’la’s for comfort. However, it had seemed the bank in his tear-ducts had already run dry and it was no use to double over and ponder, risking relapse. Considering his options, he sighed.

“If I were to explain what I was re-examining, will you make a promise not to inform my younger self from this timeline? If my calculations are correct, they will occur in good time on this plane as well.” 

Kirk nodded with a weary smile, making himself comfortable. 

[dactyliin-blog]

Many of Spock’s earlier memories are of cool evenings spent on his mother’s lap, watching the swift, bright motion of aluminum needles as she knit. Amanda was an accomplished diplomat, an exemplary representative of the human race to Vulcan. However, she took a certain amount of pride in ensuring that both her husband and son were equipped with loose, thick sweaters, hats, and even mittens for their semiannual trips off-world. 

“It’s what your grandma would have called a labor of love,” Amanda explained when Spock reached the age when he thought to ask why she made the items of clothing when it would have been more practical (and, he carefully did not say, more aesthetically pleasing) to purchase or replicate what was needed. “I knit sweaters for you and your father because it’s how I let you know I care. When you wear them, it feels to me like you’re saying that you care as well. Does that make sense?”

It had, in fact, seemed extremely illogical at the time. Spock had said so, yet had not protested when Amanda began to teach him how to wield a pair of needles. His first project, a scarf, had been far from satisfactory, and yet Amanda had insisted on wearing it whenever she ventured out to visit the Vulcan marketplace. Intrigued by the difficulty of something that Spock felt ought to have been simple, he continued to learn what Amanda had to teach about different needles, yarn weights and materials, and various stitching methods. Spock found that the practice allowed for an increase in manual dexterity that served him well following his acceptance into Starfleet Academy.

Spock does not understand Amanda’s meaning until long after his graduation and appointment aboard the USS Enterprise. Indeed, it is 2.764 years into their five year mission before Spock looks up from installing a makeshift electrical grid into a crashed shuttlecraft, sees his captain, James Kirk, rubbing his arms to generate heat in the strange planet’s cool environment, and feels his fingers twitch. 

“I’m fine,” Jim says when Spock inquires as to the captain’s health. “Besides, you run hotter than I do. I should be worrying about you, Mr. Spock.” Jim’s gaze brushes over Spock’s person. He smiles, his eyes seeming to soften when they meet Spock’s again. Since Pon Farr, there has been an understanding between them- no words spoken, nothing discernibly changed, and yet...

Merino wool, Spock thinks wildly. Worsted, and dyed a shade of blue to match Jim’s eyes. 

Spock had purchased several skeins of yarn in just such a shade only weeks prior, though the reason behind his preference for the color had eluded even him at the time, and stored them in a cabinet separate from his small cache of knitting supplies.

Following their rescue and Dr. McCoy’s reluctant agreement to release them from his medical care, Spock adjourns to his quarters on the pretext of needing to meditate. Spock removes the yarn from its cabinet, selects a pair of circular needles, and begins to knit.

Jim finds him there several hours later. He does not knock on the door to Spock’s quarters, but enters unannounced and throws himself, Kirk-like, onto the low couch that Spock is seated before. He has made this a habit: walking into Spock’s quarters post-mission, often to request a game of chess or to simply nap among the cushions that are arranged throughout the living area.

“What are you making,” Jim says after a long moment of silence. He is not looking at Spock- in fact, has one arm thrown over his face, yellow sleeve obscuring any possibility of visual contact. 

“An item of clothing,” Spock says. 

“I didn’t know you knit,” Jim says. He kicks his boots off of his feet one at a time over the arm of the couch. He turns so that he is on his side, facing toward Spock. 

“My mother,” Spock says. “I acquired the skill from her when I was young. She took particular care to ensure that both my father and I were adequately clothed.” As they speak, Spock continues to work the yarn over the knitting needles. The metal tools rasp against each other. 

Jim says, “Your human mother.”

“My only mother,” Spock says. Jim laughs. 

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about her before,” Jim says. “Her, or Sarek. Until they were on my ship.”

“Vulcans are typically considered to be a secretive species,” Spock says. He pulls at the significant length of material that has begun to hang from the needles. 

“Yes,” Jim says. “I know. But-” he sits up and slides off of the couch to join Spock on his meditation mat. Spock raises one eyebrow.

“This is going to be emotional,” Jim says. “Fair warning.”

Spock raises his other eyebrow, and sets his needles aside.

“I feel like I know you better than I know my own family,” Jim says after a moment. “We work together, fight together, play chess together- we practically live in each others pockets. I feel like we belong to each other. And then there are some days, like today, when we get stranded on an ice planet and have to huddle together for warmth, and I think maybe- maybe-” Jim shakes his head. “And then we get back up here, and you disappear and when I find you I find out that you knit. Or I find out that you have a human mom. Or I find out that you’ve actually got a wife, who literally tries to murder you in the divorce.”

“Jim-”

“What I’m saying,” Jim says, “is that I’m really tired of not being in the loop with you. And I would like to be. In the loop. And also in your bed, just to be clear. I’m saying that I’m in love with you in the worst way imaginable. Oh, God.”

Jim lifts his hands to cover his face. He scrubs his palms over his cheeks once, twice, and then lowers them to regard Spock steadily. 

“T’Pring was not my wife,” Spock says. Jim groans. Spock pushes on. 

“Jim,” he says. “Today I remembered a saying that my mother uses often- that her work was a labor of love. A way to express that which cannot be spoken. That which- perhaps- has gone unspoken for far too long.”

“Oh,” Jim says. “Oh.” He glances down at the haphazard pile of yarn at Spock’s side. 

“I would very much like to share my bed with you as well, Jim,” Spock says. He is summarily unprepared for Jim to throw himself into Spock’s arms. 

Some weeks later, Spock presents the finished sweater to Jim, who insists on wearing it throughout the day- even over his uniform while on the bridge. It is wholly illogical, and yet Spock finds himself pleased at the sight of Jim, in his captain’s chair, curling his fingers into long, soft sleeves.