#what makes a life good by katelyn tarver

[rcarx]

Tagged by @gleerant to spell my acc name with songs:

runaway by sasha sloan

christmas morning by luz

another love by tom odell (or affection by fiji blue i couldn't decide)

rainbow by dodie

x's and oh's by elle king yes i cheated

Tagging:

@offthebandwagon @myhumbleme @ahappilyexhaustedperson @wearysighs @orphanblaque @princington @julianavalds

if you want! or anyone who wants to do it!

[ad-astra-per-aspera-1389]

we're SO CLOSE to getting a collab guys, I can FEEL it

[thepermanentrainpress]

CONCERT REVIEW: KATELYN TARVER W/ ROSIE DARLING AT THE WISE HALL - SEPTEMBER 9, 2023

Adorned with a canopy of lights, the high ceilings and cozy lighting of The Wise Hall were a fitting atmosphere for the Compliments Only Tour. It was an intimate crowd, but one that gave their undivided attention to both Katelyn Tarver and Rosie Darling on their Saturday night in East Vancouver.

I’d been familiar with Rosie Darling since her release “Nail in the Coffin” (with Boy in Space) appeared on my Spotify Discover Weekly earlier this year. Since then, I’d been getting acquainted with her music; therapeutic for both Rosie in her craft, and her listeners. She made her entrance to ethereal nature sounds and immediately invited the audience closer to the stage for opener “Reruns.”

Her music is very chill, singer-songwriter pop with an emotional gut-punch. Many of her songs are short in length, so they’re compact, but memorable. Her breathy edge is distinct in “Say Less.” “Villain” was released a couple of weeks ago, and while it’s aesthetic in sound, its message is even more important. About understanding and finding peace after the breakdown of a relationship, it references blame, responsibility and ultimately letting go. Rosie has a very calming presence as she moves on stage; she’s still coming into her own as a performer, using her free arm to bring in the audience. She’ll clutch at her torso on emotional lines and shut her eyes mid-track, imploring us to feel that ache with her.  

She sang “Nail in the Coffin” (sans Boy in Space) and “Witness.” The latter was introduced as an “older one” given its release in April 2021. Rosie’s keyboardist Mike Nardone (who I believe was also responsible for the programmed beats) genuinely looked like he was having fun, and I loved how her music was able to build in layers but still allow her voice to shine. The piano accompaniment was lovely, especially towards the end of the dreamy “Lost on You.” They weren’t wearing their matching red jumpsuits (or pantsuits) in Vancouver though, Rosie opting for a bronze silkier set; although still a penchant for the hair bow and oversized pajama pieces that give her a comfortable, chic style.

Since the release of her debut EP Coping (Nettwerk Records), she’s released a number of singles and the EP Golden Age in 2022. Her debut album Lanterns will be released November 10 (not mistakenly, a word woven into the lyrics of “Villain”). “Boxes” was introduced as an “emotional one [to] get through together,” and that we did. Her voice as lush and soothing as ever, breaking free from confines and learning to value herself.

She closed her set with the somber and much underrated “Coping.” Rosie has a delicate voice with a potent, effervescent kick. Her lyrical depth and visualization are notable, and her music feels like both an anthem and a lullaby. I was impressed by how close she sounded to her recorded music; Rosie Darling is one to watch.

Katelyn Tarver had an unassuming entrance; right into the keys for the beginning of “What Makes a Life Good,” before taking the microphone and working the stage. Instantly, you can see her connection with the music and the questions she poses (“Is it taking someone's broken heart and knowing how to fix it? Is it becoming a mother? Is it learning to be tougher?”). This is a prime example of the big picture outlook in her lyrics; they have meaning and are given much thought.

Throughout her set, she shifted between her trusty mic, keyboard, and acoustic and electric guitars. “Cinematic” was soft and sentimental, while “Hurt Like That” revelled in its instrumental breaks (and driving guitar lines). Katelyn had such a comfortable stage presence; she feels the words and music, and in doing so, allows herself to let go and dance. She’s a natural performer.

The soulful, R&B inflicted “Nicer” makes use of her piercing upper register, while “Shit Happens” is a weighty piano ballad. She spoke about the journey to write “Shit Happens,” in navigating the unforgiving music industry and wanting to make it. It was a special song on her 2021 album, Subject to Change. Katelyn spent time conversing with the audience, showing off her new boots and explaining the concept of ‘compliments only’ starting out as a joke between friends and family. “Compliments are underrated,” she remarked, before providing ones for guitarist Ryland Holland (who kindly steamed her shirt before the show) and drummer Chris Bellew (who was in Canada for the very first time, which she conceded was more of a fun fact than a compliment).

I loved getting to hear my favourite KT song, “Starting to Scare Me,” live. It’s dark and blunt, but has the most incredible rhythm and flow. “Love Alone” was on her debut EP, A Little More Free, circa 2011. She noted its importance as her first original work and having that ownership over her music. This was a beautiful song, just Katelyn and her acoustic guitar. With this song in particular because of its age, I can see her growth as a musician. I’ve seen an older rendition where she sounded more strained vocally to reach the higher notes, but she sings a softer version now that is gentler and uses her warm spirit.

She sang a powerful cover of Paramore’s “The Only Exception” (a song she loves so much, that she recorded and released her version last year), before moving to her new material. “Ignorance is Bliss” was released the day prior. I’d liken it to a bittersweet pop cut that makes us question our reality, and possibly enter an existential crisis. Katelyn reassured that the new music meant she is heading towards a new album, Quitter (Nettwerk Records), which drew cheers from the crowd.

“One Without the Other” was the missing link for the album to feel complete, while the title track was an upbeat charmer about reflecting on the past, present and future, and living for herself – not for others. I could tell she was excited to share the new music in her first headlining tour. She expressed that gratitude a few times through her set, stating it’s still “weird” to do what she does for a living and put herself out there, but thankful that fans have stuck with her.

Closing with the recently released “Parallel Universe,” she capped the night off perfectly. The use of shakers during the verses added character and I liked the subtlety. There were a couple moments where both the drums and guitar kicked in and I felt like it overpowered Katelyn’s voice (like during “Out of Excuses”), but for the most part, it remained clear and vivid. Her music is both compelling and poetic, and she embodies her stories as a performer.

It was a great night of music at The Wise Hall by two angel artists. I say angels as both were gracious and stayed to meet and interact with fans post-show. It’s by no means mandatory nor expected, but it says a lot about an artist’s integrity and certainly adds to the concert experience to get to speak with the musicians outside of any minor stage interactions. Both were receptive and kind, and I can’t wait until Katelyn and Rosie make their returns to Vancouver.

Written by: Chloe Hoy

[shadowzero359]

Katelyn Tarver - What Makes A Life Good (Visualizer)

[childgolden]

Katelyn Tarver - What Makes A Life Good (Visualizer)

[lesbiangirl02]

This song is so good!

[semperlitluv]

Let's be cliche and do some gentle end of year asks?

1) What's the best meal you had all year?

2) Did you discover any new singers/bands you really like?

3) What was your favorite purchase?

4) What is something nice that someone did for you?

5) What's something nice that you did for someone else?

6) Do you feel like there were any patterns to this year?

7) Who made you laugh the most?

8) Did you meet any good dogs?

1. Oh gosh, I’m not sure?? Food was such a problem for me in 2021 as I went through my systemic nickel allergy diagnosis. But I’ve found the joy in cooking again now that I know what I can eat!

2. Gracie Abrams (thanks for the rec!) and Katelyn Tarver! I also had a personal Taylor Swift Renaissance after being rather ambivalent about her 2020 releases (I’ll blame pandemic anxiety for clouding my judgment)

3. I invested in good therapy and we’re all so much better off for it! Non-seriously, I got an amazingly soft and fluffy Sezane sweater that I would wear every day if I could.

4. I talked about wanting a weighted blanket but I wasn’t ready to shell out for the one I really wanted (organic cotton bc I’m bougie and allergic to everything) My best friend bought it for me for my birthday. 😭

5. Ummm I’ve suddenly never done anything nice for anyone?? The only thing I can think of is trying to find any opportunity to sit with my grandmother so my mom can have a break from caretaking.

6. I learned a lot about my limits this year, and I mean that in a positive way! I know what I’m willing to do and what I’m not, in all arenas of life, and I’m making better decisions because of it.

7. My best friend Katelyn. Even though we live 1700 miles apart, she makes every day better.

ALSO YOU AND CAITY. The group chat saved my sanity this year (while also breaking it sometimes lmao) @sansastarkr @winterrose527

8. OMG YES. I met Winston, Katelyn’s dog, and he’s my baby. I also met Shadow and Chance and I LOVE THEM. @msaudreyanne

[borathae]

~Chapter 25~ Jesus Christ and i thought the last chapter was a rollercoasterride. When Jungkook said "you are the love of my life" now that...broke me. No joke I literally got chills when jungkook said that, like i am not joking. Also "No darling, i mean y/n" aaaah there it is again 👀 Also forehead kithes, yes.

🖤 Strangers - FLETCHER

When oc & kook started talking it just felt so real. Like how people that had such a special bond can become strangers again. Like when you were SO FUCKING close with someone you could talk about everything and now you don't even know how to start a conversation. "The way we ended it, you know it makes me sick how two people once could be so in love, now we never talk. [...] and I hate that I hurt you. What I know right now, I wish I knew then. [...] We started out as strangers, now we're strangers again."

🖤 No Right To Love You - Rhys Lewis

Jungkook knowing and acknowledging he fucked up, to the point where he feels like he doesn't even deserve ocs love anymore. "To jump was my decision, I've only got myself to blame. 'Cause I have no right to love you when I chose to walk away. I have no right to miss you when I didn't wanna stay and I have no right to need you. And I knew what my heart was gonna lose. I have no right to love you but I do. I still do."

🖤 Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

This one is just so fitting. Especially with the part where jk was really opening up about what oc really means to him and that he lowkey only sees a future with her. Like she really showed him what love feels like. "I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold." Alsoooo when he said that once he realised all that, he just had to come back, there was no other option. "Show me how to fight for now and I'll tell you, baby, it was easy comin' back here to you once I figured it out. You were right here all along." And then the part of the song where it literally goes "you are, you are the love of my life" over and over again 💔 Also this line: "So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone." Jungkook is evolving.

🖤 What We Had - Sody

This would have fit the last chapter so much but I just discovered this song and I think this also kinda represents what Jungkook feels about the whole OC x Hobi situation. We see he's bettering himself in that he's trying to walk away from the situation and deal with his emotions alone instead of exploding in ocs face bc that is toxic. And he's very open about his feelings, communication is key in a healthy relationship. But still, he is jealous bc he loves oc and therefore obviously doesn't want to imagine her with another man. "I know I'm being selfish and I've got no right but I can't help thinking about you tonight. And I don't wanna say it 'cause I know it's bad but I don't want somebody having what we had. I know I'm being stupid but I just can't stop thinking that you're with somebody and I'm not." Also this part: "I've still got the pictures from the memories that we once made, can't seem to let them go, I thought that we'd grow old. Down to see you happy but I don't want to see you happy without me."

🖤 I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - Demi Lovato

I feel like this represents oc's feelings really well, like the way she's torn between wanting him back and struggling to forgive him. "I hate you, don't leave me. 'Cause I love when you kiss me. I'm in pieces, you complete me. But I can't back down, no, I can't deny that I'm staying now 'cause I can't decide, confused and scared." The song even talks about the physical touch part with which oc is struggling as well, wanting to be held by kook but at the same time being scared of what his touch ignites in her. "I hate you, don't leave me. I feel like I can't breathe. Just hold me, don't touch me." Also the ending of this chapter really felt like oc was trying to make sure that jk knows that she needs him and that it's definitely not fully over eventhough she's so torn. "I admit, I'm in and out of my head. [...] Just hear me out before you run away 'cause I can't take this pain, no. [...] Been abandoned, and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out, I'm fragile."

🖤 Side of My Heart - Katelyn Tarver

Same as with the song before. Oc struggling with her feelings. "Half of me wants to come over and spill every thought that's inside of my head. Half of me wants to unlearn every turn that would take to get into your bed. One foot on the gas, one foot on the brakes. One out the door and one trying to stay. [...] I can start telling myself once we get through the mess, we'll be stronger for it. But then I start thinking that if I was stronger, I wouldn't put up with your shit. One minute I'm sad, the next I feel crazy." And this "I need you all the way here or all the way gone", how oc got angry for a sec when jk told her he's leaving again.

Sorry these are getting longer everytime, I'm invested haha 😢✌

Okay first of all never apologize for your song recs getting long! Please I love them so much, you could sent in a whole novel and I would read every single letter of it 🥺💜  

 Strangers - FLETCHER

Okay first of all that song has such JKMusic vibes, which just adds a whole level of flavour to it omfg 🤧 Also no joke this is literally so them ommgmg. Like when the reader is all like “help why is it so weird talking to him? what happened?” that song could play in the background omfg 🤧😔 but also omfg this line “No time's the right time to reach out but here I go [...] all the things we said and couldn't take back, swear I never meant it, and I hate that I hurt you.” is so Jungkook and him struggling to reach out to here for months 😔

No Right To Love You - Rhys Lewis

I don’t even know what part to quote because the whole entire song is basically Jungkook in this chapter. Holy shit :( I am acHING HAHAHHAH you don’t even know how many times I listened to that song while I was writing this chapter. And then you go and rec it and I am just like 😩 we are sharing a braincell anonie 😔

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

I don’t know what I should add here anonie. Your description and the lyrics you chose are literally perfect. There is nothing to add here other than :(( I am bIG SAD :(( 

What We Had - Sody

YES OMFG! First of all I 100% agree with you that this also fits perfectly with chapter 24 😔 also lisTEN HOW DO YOU FIND SONGS THAT JUST FIT SO 

R I G H T???

Like I am literally blown away, it’s freaking amazing and I am :( Also omfg this part “I've still got the pictures from the memories that we once made, can't seem to let them go.” if that isn’t them both realising that they both carried a part of the other with them. OC with the half-finished tattoo and the polaroid and JK with the finished drawing :( I am soBBING

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - Demi Lovato

😭😭😭 anonie lisTEN I AM GOING TO SMOOCH YOU hfhdshfh your description, the parts you quoted I am just wOw I couldn’t have said it better. Fuck you saying “ she wants to be held by kook but at the same time being scared of what his touch ignites in her.” I am ACHING 😭😭 aLSO THIS PART “Been abandoned, and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out.” if that isn’t her being all scared of giving in I am :(

Side of My Heart - Katelyn Tarver

This song is so beautiful omg, I teared up hahahah hELP lisTEN I am :( this shows her struggle so well, like especially that part “I need you all the way here or all the way gone [...] I want you to go and I want you to stay.” this made me think of when they were all like “guess that’s it then, the end of our relationship” and yet neither one of them stood up and left because deep down they both didn’t want their relationship to end. I am a broKEN WOMAN 😭

Thank you so much anonie, listening to those songs literally just made my day. I mean lol they did tug at my heartstrings, but it was a good kinda tug 🤧 seriously I appreciate you so much, I love you lots my lovely anonie 🥺💜💕

[mausi-shan]

I turned my Spotify 2020 playlist into lyric prompts

1.       “Show me a grey sky, a rainy cab ride Babes, don’t threaten me with a good time.” – London Boy, Taylor Swift

2.       “I’ve never been in love before, I don’t know what I’m doing I’ve never been too worldly in the ways of woman wooing I know how crazy lucky I am to love you.” – Get This Right, Jonathan Groff

3.       “Lights out, I found out my fallen star Goodbye, the sun rises and there’s no more you and I! Tell me how can you sleep? How can you breathe? Baby, tell me how, how you love me now?” - How You Love Me Now, Hey Monday

4.       “North is south, right is left when you’re gone I’m the one who sees you home but now I’m lost in the woods And I don’t know what path you are on” – Lost In The Woods, Jonathan Groff

5.       “Promise I’ve already learned my lesson, but right now I wanna be not okay” – You Don’t Know What It’s Like, Katelyn Tarver

6.       “This is falling in love in the cruellest way This is falling for you and you are worlds away” – Come Back… Be Here, Taylor Swift

7.       “From coast to coast I’ll make the most of every second that I’ve been given with this crowd Without a doubt, you’re all I dream about At night we lie awake with stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive” – Vegas, All Time Low

8.       “He doesn’t want to bang you Somebody hang you!” – Don’t Lose Ur Head, Six

9.       “I thought this time was different Why did I think he’d be different? But it’s never, ever different!” – All You Wanna Do, Six

10.   “If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me? Seven in the morning, wanna listen to Britney? Anything you want, baby, that’s okay with me now” – Sleeping In, All Time Low

11.   “My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch Now I’m looking for signs in a haunted club.” – Death By A Thousand Cuts, Taylor Swift

12.   “And I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station” – Bad Reputation, Joan Jett

13.   “This distance tears me apart God, I need to see you So when the homesickness starts and you’re missing me too I’m gone too long, but when you’re here it’s worth it So just hold on” – Fall To Pieces, Junior

14.   “Lyrical smile, indigo eyes Hand on my thigh We can follow the sparks I’ll drive” – I Think He Knows, Taylor Swift

15.   “I’m a user and abuser so I don’t need no accuser To slap me down ‘cause I know you’re right” – When I Come Around, Green Day

16.   “He’ll never fall in love he swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair I’m laughing ‘cause I hope he’s wrong” – I’d Lie, Taylor Swift

17.   “I’ve been in love and lost my senses Spinning through the town” – I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Fall Out Boy  (Whitney Houston cover)

18.   “I’ve been first class, spent cash Been broke, no joke, nothing good ever lasts Been sued, been screwed, been chewed up Been loved, been lost but never used up This world’s not big enough for us You hate but you’re singing that chorus We’re kings you can’t ignore us” – Anti-Anthem, Sumo Cyco

19.   “She didn’t stutter, my chest flutters Cardiac attack in the cradle of the summer Superstitious, the kid’s vicious Bubblegum smile, taste the cherry on her lips” – Birthday, All Time Low

20.   “Got my heart out on the table And you didn’t walk away Love me if you’re able” – I Guess We’re Cool, Cassadee Pope

21.   “I can make the ground shake, Winds blow, Earth quake, Rain, snow Mountains, I can move mountains” – Move Mountains, Sumo Cyco

22.   “I wore the crown, I sold the lie I lived the life and paid for every crime.” – Some Kind Of Disaster, All Time Low

23.   “You can’t get under my skin But I get stuck in your head In case you didn’t notice, I’ve been living in it since I left” – With Or Without Me, Sainte

24.   “We’re bound to break And my hands are tied” – Rewrite The Stars, Zac Efron & Zendaya

25.   “Lovers dance when they feel in love Spotlight shining, it’s all about us” – All About Us, He Is We

26.   “A drowning will grasp at straws, a willing man drowns for a cause The blood will spill as cigars blaze and great white jaws will be your cage” – Sleep Tight, Sumo Cyco

27.   “Tell me that we’ll be just fine Tell me that you’re still mine Even when I lose my mind” – Afterglow, Taylor Swift

28.   “All this time, I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) Never turned things around (You never turned things around) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs. So many signs)” – exile, Taylor Swift & Bon Iver

29.   “What a shame, what a shame Beautiful scars on critical veins” – Kids In The Dark, All Time Low

30.   “Here we are, nearly strangers From two worlds that have rarely met But somehow you have made me someone new” – In A Place of Miracles, Hunchback of Notre Dame (but pheeble)

31.   “I give my hand to you with all my heart I can’t wait to live my life with you I can’t wait to start” – From This Moment, Shania Twain

32.   “I forgot that you Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down Laughed on the schoolground as soon as I tripped and hit the ground And I would have stuck up for you Would’ve fought the whole town for you” – I Forgot That You Existed, Taylor Swift

33.   “The debt I owe, got to sell my soul ‘Cause I can’t say no No, I can’t say no Then my limbs all froze and my eyes won’t close ‘Cause I can’t say no No, I can’t say no” – Bury A Friend, Billie Eilish

34.   “Take a breath and let the rest come easy Never settle down ‘cause the cash flow leaves me always wanting more” – Dear Maria, Count Me In, All Time Low

35.   “I’m dizzy from jealousy And you’ve got something to lose But darling, don’t let that stop you” – Girlfriend, Best Ex

36.   “I’m your number one with a bullet A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it” – Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down, Fall Out Boy

37.   “When everyone believes you What’s that like?” – The Man, Taylor Swift

38.   “This is the last time I’m telling you this: Put my name at the top of your list” – The Last Time, Taylor Swift & Gary Lightbody

39.   “Do you have the time to listen to me whine?” – Basket Case, Green Day

40.   “Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost” – Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day

41.   “It takes a lot of courage to hold your own against the tide The wind is blowing, bar the doors, it wants to get inside It may seem hopeless, may seem like it’s the end In order to be broken, first it has to bend” – Run With The Giants, Sumo Cyco

42.   “No wonder your heart feels it’s flying, your head feels it’s spinning Each happy ending is a brand new beginning” – Ever Ever After, Carrie Underwood

43.   “There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvellous time ruining everything” – the last great american dynasty, Taylor Swift

44.   “Hey ho, let’s go Shoot ‘em in the back now What they want, I don’t know They’re all revved up and ready to go” – Blitzkreig Bop, The Ramones

45.   “You think I’m funny when I tell the punchline wrong Now every February, you’ll be my Valentine” – Teenage Dream, Katy Perry

46.   “If you want someone to save you, save yourself If you want someone to heal you, heal yourself If you want someone to save you, save yourself” – Free Yourself, Sumo Cyco

47.   “I wrote the gospel on giving up But the real bombshells have already sung” – This Ain’t A Scene, Fall Out Boy

48.   “I’m here on the kitchen floor You call, but I won’t hear it You said no one else How could you do this, babe?” – Babe, Sugarland & Taylor Swift

49.   “Sometimes I get the feeling she’s watching over me And other times, I feel like I should go When through it all, the rise and fall The bodies in the streets” – Welcome To The Black Parade, MCR

50.   “I knew you tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy” – Cardigan, Taylor Swift

51.   “But she’s so rock and roll And out of my league Is she out of my league? I hope not” – Trouble, NeverShoutNever

52.   “Do you see my face in the neighbour’s lawn? Does she smile, or does she mouth fuck you forever?” – mad woman, Taylor Swift

53.   “Diamonds, pearls and rubies all swoon Can I offer you a little salt for that wound?” – Don’t Make Me, Malinda

54.   “The night we snuck into a yacht club party pretending to be a duchess and a prince” – Starlight, Taylor Swift

55.   “I know I said some bullshit on the phone I never leave well enough alone” – ME! , Taylor Swift & Brendon Urie

56.   “Give me therapy I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything Therapy, you were never a friend to me And you can choke on your misery” – Therapy, All Time Low

57.   “And I scream: For whatever it’s worth, I love you Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? He looks up grinning like a devil” – Cruel Summer, Taylor Swift

58.   “Nobody tells me I need a rich man Doing my thing in my palace in Richmond” – Get Down, Six

59.   “We were something don’t you think so? Rose flowing with your chosen family” – the 1, Taylor Swift

60.   “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here ‘Cause I remember it all too well” - All Too Well, Taylor Swift

61.   “Run baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if they’re given the chance” - Check Yes Juliet, We The Kings

62.   “Does he watch your favourite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favourite parts, when you’ve seen it a hundred times? Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain? Does he do all these things like we used to?” – Like We Used To, A Rocket To The Moon

63.   “There I go, so dishonestly Leave a note for you, my only one” - Only One, Yellowcard

64.   “Caution, police line, you better not cross! Is it the cop or am I the one who’s really dangerous?” – Warning, Green Day

65.   “You’re not quite Satan but I really think I hate you” – Both Sides of the Story, We Are The In Crowd

66.   “Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings?” – betty, Taylor Swift

67.   “Nicotine and faded dreams Baby there’s no one else like me” – Say You Like Me, We The Kings

68.   “That smile that made me believe But you were lying through your teeth” – Is She Better, Caitlin Hart

69.   “So every day now, you brace for the sounds you only heard on TV You go to class scared, wondering where the best hiding spot would be” – Only The Young, Taylor Swift

70.   “Soon I’ll have to go I’ll never see him grow But I hope my son will know My love is set in stone” – Heart Of Stone, Six

71.   “Been trying to cover this hear out on my sleeve Been set on playing this down but I think you’re catching onto me” – Lie A Little Better, Lucy Hale

72.   “I used to believe, in the days I was naïve That I’d live to see a day of justice dawn And though, I will die long before that moment comes I’ll die while believing still, it will come when I am gone” – Someday, Hunchback of Notre Dame

73.   “I close my eyes and all I see is you I close my eyes, I try to sleep I can’t forget you” – I’d Do Anything, Simple Plan

74.   “Welcome to a new kind of tension All across the idiot nation Everything isn’t meant to be okay” – American Idiot, Green Day

75.   “Somehow something gave you the nerve to touch my hand It’s nice to have a friend” – It’s Nice To Have a Friend, Taylor Swift

76.   “Stop fucking around with my emotions” – The Irony of Choking On a Lifesaver, All Time Low

77.   “If you can just explain a single thing I’ve done to cause you pain I’ll go” – No Way, Six

78.   “Don’t listen to the voices in your head Listen to your heart” – Listen To Your Heart, The Maine

79.   “If you wanna piss of your parents Date me to scare them Show them you’re all grown up” – 18, Annarbor

80.   “Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?” – I’m Not Okay, MCR

81.   “Please leave me stranded It’s so romantic” – New Romantics, Taylor Swift

82.   “Not for us, we made a pact Death meet fear” – Love You Wrong, Sumo Cyco

83.   “Shade never made anybody less gay” – You Need To Calm Down, Taylor Swift

84.   “You push my love away like it’s some kind of loaded gun But you never thought I’d run” – Better Man, Little Big Town

85.   “You’re walking suicide You make me lose my heart and lose my mind” – Loose Cannon, Sumo Cyco

86.   “Every year when October comes around and it gets colder out I grab my favourite hoodie There’s still a hole from when you borrowed it You used to sleep in it ‘cause it reminded you of me” – Nostalgic, Simple Plan

87.   “I will be brave I will not let anything take away what’s standing in front of me” – A Thousand Years, Christina Perri

88.   “But I feel so alive with these phantoms of night And I know that this life isn’t safe but it’s wild and free” – Beautiful Ghosts, Taylor Swift

89.   “Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet Now I’ve read all of the books beside your bed” – Paper Rings, Taylor Swift

90.   “It’s nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done” – My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne

91.   “And do you still think of me when I’m not there? Oh how could I still feel this way after all these years?” – Sleepy Kisses, Candy Hearts

92.   “Jaw breaker, you got the kiss that I wanna savour” – Candy Store, Faber Drive & Ish

93.   “As I walked out on the ledge Are you scared to death to live?” – Still Breathing, Green Day

94.   “Write me off, give up on me Darling, what did you expect? I’m just off, a lost cause, long shot Don’t even take this bet” – A Little Less Sixteen Candles, Fall Out Boy

95.   “Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings that became my religion” – Cornelia Street, Taylor Swift

96.   “And I still talk to you When I’m screaming at the sky” – my tears ricochet, Taylor Swift

97.   “Now that I’m losing hope And there’s nothing else to show” – Pressure, Paramore

98.   “And if I open my heart to you Will you show me what to do?” – A Way Back Into Love, Hayley Bennet & Hugh Grant

99.   “Stopped running, started walking instead It was all in my head, nothing’s against me This war was more civil, I realised I had to secede from both sides” – Arrows, Fireworks

100.           “I like when you get mad I guess I’m pretty glad that you’re alone You say she’s scared of me? Well, I don’t see what she sees but maybe it’s ‘cause I’m wearing your cologne.” – Bad Guy, Billie Eilish

[paperdoll-hearts]

♪ Willow x tripp

inspired by ‘Sinking In’ by Katelyn Tarver

You were the ground that I used to stand on Now the familiar's gone and I'm trying to hold on

I've been trying to resist it Tryna keep it at a distance, oh

A long sip of champagne wasn’t made out of celebratory reasons like the others in the Deighton household. The grand home was filled with smiles and laughter from the most elite of New York City. All of course there by invitation of Willow’s parents. Word of her engagement had practically been broadcasted by the time they were done. Yet, it was obvious by the party it was more a show for them. Nothing about it screamed Willow. He imagined what she would have been thinking of such a display. He would have thought it was all too much. That she would have rolled her eyes, but as he watched her she looked radiantly happy. 

Tripp could usually be found in the middle of such a gathering. Never one to shy away from drawing attention to himself. Tonight, however, he could be found across the room, leaning against the wall as he sipped on the champagne he much wished was something stronger. He didn’t have the heart to celebrate though he knew the feeling was selfish. His best friend was getting married. What could be wrong with that?

He couldn’t claim that it was to the wrong guy because he didn’t believe that. As much as he wanted to say otherwise, to advise her not to choose him, the truth was she was marrying a guy so much better than he could ever be. Tripp was a coward. One that could never even tell her he loved her.

Willow’s eyes began to wander and he could tell by that look that she was looking for him. It never took long for the pair to connect when separated. Years of functions causing them to be the life jacket for the other. This time though the look shared was not one of a plead to get out of here. No, her eyes held a shine, he hadn’t seen in years. Her smile so graceful, it made smiling back at her a bit easier. It was clear that she was going to make her way over to him. If he made it through the initial news he could fake it through this. It would be good practice for the wedding.

Yet just as she seemed to make the decision to come, he saw Nik pull at her arm and pull her into him. While he didn’t know the words that were exchanged he could tell laughter was being shared. Tripp took that as his cue. He had bared all he could for the night, and so he moved to place his glass down, giving her one last glance of her looking happy in the other man’s arms. Everything was different now, and he had no place not to accept it.

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

Changes to Find the Middle

TITLE: Changes to Find the Middle

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Oneshot

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki helping you through a new medication regimen.

+

Image meeting Loki at the really "good/high" end of a mental illness (like bipolar).

RATING:  Teen

NOTES/WARNINGS: Mental health. Bipolar disorder. Manic to depression. Sexual relationship. Mentions of sex but no explicit content. Character not being herself. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please be careful and take care of yourself. This might be a little triggering due to what I know of Bipolar disorder. Extreme highs (hypomania) and extreme lows (depression) are shown in this but thankfully this has a happy ending I wish everyone could experience in real life. Mental health is so important and People who have mental health issues often can not control themselves due to a chemical imbalance or traumatic experience in their life. Their behavior is often NOT their fault. Seek professional help if needed.

Song Muses: (Addicted by Saving Able) (You don't know by Katelyn Tarver) (Rescue Me by Onerepublic) (Inner demons by Julia Brennan) (Paralyzed by NF)

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

LENGTH: 2,413

*FINALLY..Read the warnings. Once you agree you can handle it...

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

"How has your energy been? You look good."

I sat down enthusiastically in front of the doctor's desk, "really good! I have the energy to catch up with things now that a couldn't even think about doing a few months ago."

"That's very good. Are you hanging out with your friends again? I remember our last visit you said you missed them."

"Yeah I took your advice and told them. Only two of my friends are close now but they took me out of my house occasionally and I am feeling more confident with myself because of them."

"I am happy to hear that." The doctor smiled at me.

I talked really fast because my doctor needed to hear more, "Their friends got me into one of Stark's parties and it was… amazing. I met this new guy actually."

"You guys do anything fun?"

"We met at the party and things really sparked. Like REALLY sparked and we see eachother everyday." I did not leave the suggestive tone out of my voice.

"That's good. Go on dates?"

Excitement lit in me at the thought of all the amazing sex we had… but other than the few drinks he bought me and the takeout dinner… 

The doctor glanced at me, their look shifted… something shifted and I already knew what was wrong.

"Umm… well.." I rubbed my thigh out of nerves just THINKING about it. Just the thought of the gynecology appointment for STI testing I should get done. I cleared my throat as I awkwardly answered, "there's more… action going on than casual conversations." 

My face flushed with heat when they asked,

"You mean sexual intercourse?"

I nodded my head. 

I knew. Everyone that actually knew "normal" me… All of us KNEW I never have sex with anyone until a month a serious dating, at least. The type of dating where discussions were deeper things than food, half watched movies, and how our outward appearances looked naked. I never sexted when I couldn't actually meet the other.

The doctor carefully asked the famous question, "Have you used protection?"

I tried to laugh but it came out broken. "No. Once again I felt invincible, overconfident, and had the sex drive of a rabbit."

The doctor started to discuss my sleep that was nonexistent. Then the amount of food consumption that was high and all I have been eating was cheap takeout. I haven't been eating like my usual self who tried to keep eating healthy. Even through depression I ate frozen fruit. It was on my list every time when I absolutely had to drag myself to the store to get necessities. I explained how I have been the person who, "helps everyone out with extreme unrealistic enthusiasm" as I always said to be annoying during my normal window of mind set.

I went to the store to pick up my prescription for a mood stabilizer. I went home and as much as I REALLY wanted to answer the phone when seeing Loki's name. I just didn't. I forced the thought from my mind of...a really pleasure filled night. My body filled with the desire to be touched by another's body.

The phone stopped ringing and so did my sinful thoughts.

As usual there was no voicemail.

In normal circumstances there should have been one, with a declaration of loving longing or a stupid question in a way to just get me to get back in contact.

I stared at my phone. My mind was at war and the part fueled by my bodily behavior was winning. It became a game in my head that was unfavorably tipped towards my body's desire. He texted me if he could come to my place and the game was over. I hid the medication in the cupboard after taking my first dose.

I woke in an odd way… something was different.

I groaned as I moved and felt the bed still warm under my body. I opened my eyes as I inhaled at a similar scent. I was unsure if I was glad he was gone or upset he seemed to have just left. He usually stayed till I woke. I felt the sensation between my legs and knew I needed to make a gynecologist appointment before I had to go to work, praying I could get in after my shift tomorrow.

I made the appointment but it was not for a few days and Loki kept in contact. However I worked on letting him go slowly with not responding immediately and was to the point of making sure not to respond to him unless there were so many number of attempts to contact me.

I stared at my phone as a new text message appeared.

Loki asked a simple question, "Are you ok?"

I laughed and laughed till I could no longer bare to do it.

It WAS a simple question but no one ever wanted the real answer. No one wanted the burdens of another placed on their shoulders from SMALL talk. The truth was deeper and more time consuming than anyone could predict. So I sent the simple one worded lie and left my phone alone again, but silenced it.

It was a while before I checked my phone due to falling asleep to the discovery channel.

I was fully prepared for no new notifications.

I was surprised to see 2 new messages.

I wanted to throw the phone before I looked but the idea was squashed by excitement and curiosity.

Both of the messages from Loki.

"Do you want to meet up?"

Hour after the last message, "talk tomorrow. Goodnight."

I didn't answer back because my stomach tightened in an odd way. I was used to feeling good about a God wanting me but now...

I used positive self talk to encourage myself to not give in on my final day before my tests but that coping skill is easily the hardest to master. I found myself open the chat with him, start to type something arousing and had to delete it. I was pissing myself off. I hated the stage between "normal me" and "ill me" because my mind was constantly at war.

I decided to ultimately block Loki's number in an attempt to stop contact.

My test results came back that I was still healthy and relief washed over me..

Eventually those supposed friends stopped talking to me as they usually did because I was not "fun" anymore.

I was becoming my "normal" self again, thus putting in the efforts of a healthy schedule again.

However, the loneliness from staying in by myself. Not having anyone to talk to. Ofcourse, I had my coworkers that have always openly laughed at poor tastes of mental health jokes. I was losing interest in everything because, "why should I care" and "what's the point?"

I had to look presentable for work so while I was "public eye" ready, I did my shopping then. By the time I got home on the days of the extremely scarce necessity shopping, I was exhausted but my body was wide awake. I would toss and turn trying to sleep but it would not welcome me.

Then other times, I put the cold stuff away and went straight to bed without getting anything to consume. I would often cry myself to sleep, then wake too tired to do anything. 

On days off I would lay in bed and do nothing until the desire to use the toilet became too strong.

I would weep and mourn my favorite past times. Not actually my interests and hobbies but how much I could not will myself to just do them. I left the discovery channel play on the TV just for the sake of something familiar. When a little fact I knew would be mentioned it was like a smoldering campfire was stirred. 

A little life breathed into me from time to time and due to the doctor's recommendation, I got back into therapy again. It helped but the talks were hard and seemed to weigh heavily on me more once I was home. There are skills I should be using and strategic tips to get things done. However, sometimes I just could not pull the will into my grasp to participate in the knowledge of a healthy lifestyle.

My phone rang with an unknown number. I answered it due to expecting a response from my doctor.

"How have you been?"

I knew that voice… but I could not pinpoint it.

I answered, "I'm ok. But who is this?"

"Loki."

"Oh…" I scrambled for words but nothing came. How was I supposed to explain this to him, my current state in everything and the fact I blocked his number?

"Are you home?"

"I was just about to leave." It was a lie. 

A damn terrible lie. I had no plans of removing myself from my couch. It had everything I needed in arms reach because it was essentially my comfort fort now.

The doorbell rang and I was extremely tempted to act like I was not home but the person on the other end of the phone knew.

I sighed with dread ringing in my chest much like the damned sound of company at my door insistent on not giving up.

I opened the door slightly to see Loki standing there.

His eyes met mine.

"You do not seem ok." Echoed from my phone before he ended the call.

I looked past Loki because while it might have once been excitement, I felt anything but that currently.

I tried to push my words out louder than a whisper, "What are you doing here?"

"I have been trying to contact you.. more regularly as of recently."

"I have no intention of being a booty call anymore."

His eyebrows scrunched and he blinked.

I went to shut the door as I said, "goodbye Loki."

Loki's hand shot out and kept the door opened. "You were never."

I huffed in annoyance as hope rose slightly in my chest. Then the doubts from depression took that hope and buried it 20 feet further than before. Tears pricked my eyes after the past hour of seeming to be gone and dried.

Loki's face was of concern when he asked, "may I come in?"

My face felt like it contorted into pure agony as I tried to hide the sob erupting from my aching heart. I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat but it caused further pain. Then finally from the pain that emitted from deep within me, the tears fell.

I was in the hurricane of emotion from having a visitor.

Joy from not being alone then, to the horror of having to explain.

There was too much to explain... My reason for treating him so vastly different since we met. My emotional state. All my emotions. My appearance of myself and my house. The medication on the counter that had purpose. My illness and why once again I was crying harder. Trying to explain what was WRONG with me and why I needed the medication.

Loki sat beside me at the messy and cluttered kitchen table.

"What do you mean you were 'too good' at the time we met?"

I sniffed but still had to wipe my nose. "It's a symptom of bipolar disorder. I can literally feel too good at some points of my life. I had unbelievable amounts of confidence and optimism. It's called hypomania. That's not who I am. I am much-MUCH more responsible than getting drunk and having unprotected sexual intercourse with someone I know nothing about on an intellectual level."

I watched Loki's tongue swipe his lips as they pressed together and eyebrows scrunched again in thought.

Finally he spoke, "Your vast knowledgeable facts from our FIRST conversation have been playing on that TV throughout our conversation. I can see several things that show your bright mind. The very mind I fell for."

My eyes glanced at him once again. "My knowledge does not change. Just the optimism, focus, and desire for it."

Things seemed to be clicking in Loki's mind. He looked at the medications once again and did not take his eyes off of them. "If you continue your treatment, you will be what you deem normal?"

A small smile pulled my lips as a puff of air escaped from my amusement. "Yes. What I deem as normal. Not anyone else meaning I will be back to my healthy self... If I could remember to take my medicine."

"I am going to help you because I want to see the happy medium that you keep mentioning. It seems that I have seen you at all of your worst moments." He gave me a side glance with a smile pulling at his lips, "I assume there is something I must like out of your normal."

I began to smile but a frown quickly placed it. "There is no telling when I will be normal again."

Gold shimmered over my medication.

"Perhaps now it will become easier to stay on your medication regimen."

I grabbed a bottle and examined it once there was no longer gold around it. "What did you do?"

"I will know where these containers are and be able to move them. I will also know when you open them." He got the spare phone out of his pocket, "should I not be able to contact you again through phone, I will simply move these containers to you."

I felt a little happier as I teased, "I guess simply blocking your number is not going to work anymore?"

Loki smiled, "There are plenty of other numbers I could use."

Loki did help me. There had to be a little adjustment to his plan of keeping track of my medicine. He bought a specific little container made for sorting pills into daily doses. He would help me fill the daily spots for medication and he put another enchantment on that one as well. 

Everyday he would come to my place and help with things that needed to be done. He would compliment me when I needed it. He would hold me when medication would make me drowsy. He would urge me to eat when I did not want to. He helped me make healthier choices when I wanted to devour the whole house.

He actually took me to nice restaurants when I felt decent enough to get out.

He would always know everything about my medication and with him being able to literally hold it in my face at any point in the day… well there was no longer the option to forget.

Loki was the constant supply of water to my thirst for knowledge. Due to that type of relationship we really connected. Like really connected. We talked about everything to varying levels of importance and on both ends were voicemails with ridiculous ways to entice the other to call back.

Sometimes I would purposely ignore his calls just to see what the next stupid thing would be left in my mailbox… I listened to the recent one just left on my phone a minute ago.

"I know your games by now, so call me back. ...My declarations of love can wait until you tell me what sweet thing I am craving. I am at the store, so do hurry up before I decide to buy 5 of everything in the candy isle." There was a faint sound of the typical background noise in a store. "Please hurry… I fear I am going to need a bigger cart."

[phoenixrisingwoman]

1-102. You should have known I was gonna do this.

This friendship was a mistake.

1) what’s a song you depict with your childhood? any HSM song brings me back to my childhood & also oldies that my parents used to play in the house like stand by me by Ben E. King, unchained melody by the Righteous Brother,….

2) did you have a memorable childhood pet? I think every one of my pets is memorable. one that specificly comes to mind would have to be our Tervuren. We took him in because his owner didn’t take care of him and was planning on ditching him in the middle of the woods. the poor thing got treated like some kind of monster when he only asked for the bare minimum, to get treated with respect and basic kindness. I still remember how easily he trusted us. We were a family of 5 so to have 5 strangers around you all of a sudden and not get defensive and lash out especially after getting treated so badly by humans is one thing but to completely immediately trust us wow. He was such a gentle and sweet dog and it hurts my heart when I think about how he died. He had cancer. Fucking dogs man i know i say this about all dogs but he really was an angel. What a pure soul.

3) have you ever been drunk? yes

4) have you ever tried drugs? i’ve only eaten space cake and that’s it. but i don’t really have any desire to ever try hard drugs.

5) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said? 99% of the time I regret what I say because I am dumb and say some real embarrassing shit

6) have you ever made someone cry? I hope not, unless they were happy tears!

7) has someone ever made you cry? most likely yeah i’m just very sensitive and take a lot of things to heart.

8) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. i've never been in love9) which came first the chicken or the egg? The real question is where does a circle begin and where does it end?

10, 11) already answered

12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love? read the answer to question 8

13) are you a good cook? i mean i’m not the worst but there’s always room for (a lot of) improvement.

14) already answered

15) what is the last movie you cried during? i can’t remember but hatchiko is a movie that can always make me cry.

16) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

It’s such a long list so i’m going to narrow it down to a few: Skillet - Would It matter, DNA - Lia Maria Johnson, you don’t know - Katelyn Tarver, Adam’s song - Blink 182 , 24 floors - The Maine, Sleepless nights - Faber Drive, Just a little bit of your heart - Ariana Grande & I can’t make you love me/ nick of time - Bon Iver. That’s some real sad shit.

17) do you have a middle name? Nope18) have you been out of your country? yes, I’ve been to Italy, England, Turkey, The Netherlands and Germany & this summer i’m going to Spain.19) are you a chocolate fan or not? I am a huge slut for chocolate always20) how many people have you kissed? only one because I have no game21) already answered22) what is your dream car? don’t have a specific one in mind but a range rover looks nice. as long as my car is big enough to take all my dogs with me to the beach, i’m satisfied.23) what is your lucky/favorite number? don’t have one24) what is your favorite flower? i like water lilies a lot25) books or movies, why? Both. Depends. you can get lost in books and imagine the characters/scenery more and the words just stick with me more when i read them? But movies are also nice if a certain character gets played by a good actor and really brings it all to life.26) have you ever been on a blind date? I’d rather not get murdered on my first date. so to answer this question no.27) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you? yeah in my teenager years 28) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends? don’t really see the point in hurting a friend? If a friend betrays my trust i’ll cut them out of my life immediately and never speak a word to them again nor will i waste any more energy on them or be willing to listen to whatever bullshit excuse they want to try. I’m very loyal and loving but if someone takes advantage of that and betrays my trust then I have no problem with cutting them out of my life and continuining as if we were strangers all along. i can take a lot but i don’t fuck with fake people.29) what thing do you symbolize love with? many things really but that’s because i think love comes in many forms. friendship, hobbies, pets, lovers, family,…i think love is all around us really. a tiger playing with her cub, puppies play fighting a lil too rough with an older dog but the older dog allowing them because they still need to learn their boundaries, strangers pulling funny faces at babies or playing along with a game a kid made up, someone giving up their seat and so on. I think all of these acts symbolize love. Once you stop seeing love as this strictly romantic thing i think it’s easy to find it everywhere you look. no matter how small the gesture.30) do you have neat handwriting? It’s not too bad i think. 31) do you have a friend with benefits? nope32) do you want a friend with benefits? I don’t really think i’m cut out for that type of thing. I mean whenever someone holds the door for me i think about it for like days after so I really am not sure if I could trust myself with seeing it as only a friendship with benefits and nothing more.33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be? a siren, a wolf, a forest nymph, harry styles’ next gf haha34) have you ever been blackout drunk? yeah35) have you ever met someone famous? no :(36) how many concerts have you been to? uhh i think 13-ish37) which concerts have you been to? first ones were Justin Bieber (don’t judge), 1d, 5sos, ed sheeran, the script, dua lipa, harry styles, lord huron38) do you have a hidden talent? i can go trough 10 different emotions in the span time of an hour39) what do you do when you’re stressed? shut down, cry, get angry or all of the above.40) do you think money can buy love? money can buy things you love and that make you happy so i guess in that sense you can buy ‘happiness’ & ‘love’, but if we’re talking about real, true, genuine feelings then no that kinda love can’t be bought41) how old would you date? the oldest like 24 but for a sugar daddy i am always willing to make an exception42) have you ever done something illegal?  jaywalking is illegal but most of us have done it at some point so like nothing too illegal43) what is your biggest fear? for my loved ones? that they wil never get all the goodness in life that they truly deserve and that life will treat them like shit and inflict pain upon them that i’ll never be able to undo. for myself? i’m scared i’ll never truly feel like I belong and will never truly feel happy and that once I’m close to dying i’ll be faced with the fact I’ve wasted all my time.44) what is an unusual fear you have? having a doppelganger that’s a real piece of shit and people thinking it's me that has done all that nasty shit to them and me eventually being sentenced for it while the real demon is still out there...yea idk 

45) can you drive? no haha i really need to get my license46) do you believe in supernatural creatures? yes but i’m not sure to what extend but I do believe there are certain things living on this earth unbeknownst to us. 47) do you believe in karma? i think what goes around comes around. or so i truly hope.48) what is one quality you need in your partner? above all my partner needs to be kind. no matter what.49) do looks matter? i’m not going to be a hypocrite and say no because there does need to be a certain level of attraction but it’s not like looks are the most important thing about someone.50) does size matter? which size are we talking about here. but no idc if you truly love someone, you take them as they are. not a single cell in your body would even think about changing anything about them because they already are perfect just the way the are.51) who is the last person you forgave? myself for being so dumb52) what is your favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry and chocolate53) already answered 54) ever been on a plane? obviously55) ever been on a boat? yes56) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? yea a highschool friend that i haven’t heard in years.57) are there any friendships you regret? yes, this one58) are there any friendships you wish you could make? yes @harrystyles if you ever wanna hang out hit me up. i am free almost always so we can hang out whenever you are free too. thanks my dude.59) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours? no60) have you ever walked outside after 12 am? yes61) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through? no but one day I will!62) are you scared of rollercoasters? yeah and i wish i wasn’t. but i always imagine some final destination type of shit when i’m on it so i tend to avoid rollercoasters and such. I’m a paranoid bitch.63) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually? 664) do you have any plans this weekend? yes 65) do you miss anyone right now? not really66) who do you wish you were talking to right now? the ghost of Christopher McCandless. I’d like to hear his stories and thoughts. he seemed like a very interesting individual.67) already anwered68) who is your favorite superhero? catwoman? idk i don’t really have a fave superhero69) are you dirty minded? me? an angel? of course not.70) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at the 80’s? this question should be illegal. how am i supposed to choose one? there are so many bops.71) how many kids, if any, do you want? at the moment i don’t want kids but if that ever changes 2 would be enough.72) who is your biggest OTP? don’t have one73) what is your favorite food? lasagna & pizza. other than that cake/chocolate/anything cookie or candy related. I have a sweet tooth okay 74) do you want to be married one day? idk I don’t really feel the need to get married but if someone is willing to marry my annoying ass then I’m grabbing that chance with both hands.

75) dogs or cats? both but unfortunately i’ve only owned dogs till now so i’m hoping that will change soon!                                                                   76) already answered77) have you ever seen a shooting star? nope78) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you? No, unless the aliens are there too. then sign me the fuck up79) how many best friends do you have? 380) when was the last time you cried? 2 weeks ago81) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself? mind ur own bussiness82) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed? yeah83) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go? countryside of Ireland, Sweden or Northern Wilderness84) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself? gentle, dreamer, stupid 85) do you consider yourself a loyal person? yes, very loyal until you give me a reason not to. but even then i won’t badmouth you i’ll just erase your whole existence from my memory.86) what is your favorite season and why? summer bc i need that vitamin D to beat the sad bitch in me. but also autumn because SWEATER WEATHER87) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it? no, i don't easily say i love you to someone 88) do you know how to play any instruments? no :(89) already answered90) what are you allergic to? pineapple. i might have other allergies i’m unaware off.91) already answered92) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be? I’d wanna be Daenerys Targaryen because I want to have dragon friends who will fly me anywhere I wanna go. also talk about an entrance when you arrive with your fucking dragon somewhere.93) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why? harry styles, niall horan, BØRNS or Maggie rogers because they seem like fun people to be around that will just brighten your day by being in their company.94) are you outgoing? nope, unless you catch me in those rare energetic moods or if i’m drunk then I do shit even I don’t want to know about.95) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to? no96) are you a good flirt? probably not because i always say some weird shit and kill the mood haha97) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down? nope98) already answered99) are you superstitious? not really100) are you a good listener? i like to think so101) are you a good kisser? who knows102) would you kiss any of your friends? depends how much money is involved

[jaeewon]

30 songs tag!

 I was tagged by @byeongkwarn thank u ✨✨

Rules: tag 6 people and and answer the questions

1. A song you like with a color in the title? A: black lace - july talk 

2. A song you like with a number in the title? A: two fingers - jake bug

3. A song that reminds you of summer? A: all night - chance the rapper

4. A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget? A: planez - katelyn tarver :^(

5. A song that needs to be played out loud? A: girl front - loona/odd eye circle

6. A song that makes you want to dance? A: likey - twice

7. A song to drive to? A: breezeblocks - alt-j

8. A random song you first think of? A: what you like - lee gikwang

9. A song that makes you happy? A: caroline - amine

10. A song that makes you sad? A: normal song - perfume genius

11. A song you never get tired of? A: habit - seventeen

12. A song from your past? A: im adding more than one because i listen to too many genres for only one to represent my entire childhood aksfjas i write sins not tragedies - p!atd, it wasn’t me - shaggy, anyone else but you - the moldy peaches, grace kelly - mika, hypnotize - the notorious b.i.g., shake tramp - marianas trench

13. A song that’s sexy? A: all the time - jeremih

14. A song you’d love to be played at your wedding? A: can’t take my eyes off of you - frankie valli  this is halfway a joke i never plan on getting married and i rly dont have any good wedding songs i dont think??

15. A song you’re currently obsessed with? A: filthy - justin timberlake

16. A song you used to love but now hate? A:  chuck - seventeen plz dont drag me idk what happened i just cant anymore

17. A song you’d sing a duet with at karaoke? A: little talks - of monsters and men me and my best friend always sing it at karaoke 

18. A song from the year you were born? A: no scrubs - tlc  one of the best pre party songs of all time

19. A song that makes you think about life? A: btstu - jai paul 

20. A song that has many meanings to you? A: oh well, oh well - mayday parade

21. A song you think everyone should listen to? A: *recommends heyahe - one till the day i die*

22. A song by a group you still wish was together? A: queen - history this is one of the songs that got me back into kpop 

23. A song that makes you want to fall in love? A: private fears in public places - front porch step 

24. A song that breaks your heart? A: peter - liza anne liste n ok peter pan is actually The biggest part of my childhood and a bitch still doesnt want to grow up ok if u mention peter pan i’ll cry on the spot

25. A song with amazing vocals? A: running with the wolves - aurora in my top 5 favourite artists of all time tbh

26. A song with amazing rap? A: ogz - jo woochan, park hyunjin, achillo aka my three sons wow good small ones

27. A song that makes you smile? A: aju nice - seventeen

28. A song that makes you feel good about yourself? A: i am - awolnation

29. A song that you would dedicate to you and your best friend/mutual/someone close to you? A: just a couple friends - sugar pine 7 alternatively that’s my best friend - tokyo vanity alksjlkfjalfjalf both are meme-y but the lyrics come from the heart i promise

30. A song that reminds you of yourself? A: wilson - fall out boy edgy... but accurate

I’ll tag @haocafe @springgyu @glowcherry @17dad @youngdroog @belazygirl

[beforeyoubrexit-blog]

✞ᴍʏ ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴs✞ || Playlist

Mayday, mayday...the ship is slowly sinking. (All song names are clickable for your enjoyment.)======== 1. Anna Clendening - Anxiety "A-N-X-I-E-T-Y...No matter how hard I try, you will never leave." 2. Katelyn Tarver - You Don't Know "I'm sotired,sitting here waiting. If I hear one more just be patient..." 3. Set It Off - Wolf in Sheep's Clothing "Baa, baa black sheep have you any soul? No sir, what the hell are morals?" 4. Icon For Hire - Get Well"I meant it when I said I wanna get well. Are the rest of you so content to stay where you are?" 5. RED - Still Alive "If the night, it comes for me...If tomorrow fades and nothing matters. I am still alive."

6. My Chemical Romance - I'm not okay (I promise) "If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say... I never want to let you down."

7. Falling In Reverse - The Drug in me is You "If we are born to die and we all die to live, then what's the point of living life?"

8. Falling in Reverse - Just Like You "I got a fucked up brain and a really bad attitude; and I blame it on my drug abuse." 9. Machine Gun Kelly - I think I'm okay "Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night." 

10. YUNGBLUD - Hope for the underrated youth"And just take my heart out..that'd make it better. I won't be sorry; better late than never."

[onestowatch]

Q&A: Katelyn Tarver Talks Transforming The World Around Her Into Song on ‘Tired Eyes’ EP

Photo: Steven Taylor

Chances are you have already seen Katelyn Tarver before. Already a well-established actress from her multiple recurring television appearances, Katelyn’s next mission is to conquer is the world of pop. While the transition from television to music may seem overdone at this point, Katelyn’s emergence into the music scene rings out as genuine and true. Relocating from her hometown of Glennville, Georgia to Los Angeles in pursuit of her dreams, seeing her dreams come into focus, albeit perhaps not in the order she may have imagined, Katelyn’s journey is one just beginning. 

We sat down with Katelyn Tarver to talk about her EP Tired Eyes, the friends and people she’s worked with who have inspired her, and everything in between.

OTW: Your EP Tired Eyes is out now. You recently finished a month-long residency at Resident, five weeks in fact, and you packed that place every week. Let's talk about your background--talk about transitioning from acting into music and finding your own style of music.

KT: Yeah I mean, it's funny because a lot of my experience out here in LA has been acting-focused, and that's always been interesting to me because I've always had the idea in my head and viewed myself as a singer-songwriter first. So it was funny to kind of get the acting stuff off the ground a little bit quicker, because then most people are like, "What's it like being an actor trying to transition to music?" and in my head I'm like, "I've always kind of been a musician first!" -- but obviously I'll take it, I don't mind, but it is definitely a challenge as far as trying to nail down that sound. I think even if I wasn't doing acting, it would still be hard to kind of find your voice. I feel like I'm constantly evolving as a person and as a songwriter. So I think as I've gone from Georgia to moving out here and kind of being on that journey of songwriting and figuring out music, it's all kind of coincided with me growing up into an adult-person too, which has been cool to kind of hear my music reflect that along the way-- dealing with different themes and concepts in my music, so that's been just fun to kind of see how it changes and grows and kind of just be along for the ride, honestly.

OTW: For sure. And along this journey, you kind of made a career out of supporting other artists in the beginning, like writing this number 1 UK single "Crazy Stupid Love" for Cheryl Cole-- how did that become a success for you, and is it satisfying to finally be releasing your own music now?

KT: Yeah, so for the Cheryl Cole song, I was going in to write with Wayne Wilkins and Heidi Rowhouse, and I think it was the first time we'd ever written together, and I was going in kind of writing for my project initially, I was like, "What about this?" -- and we kind of came up with this concept, and as it was becoming "Crazy Stupid Love," I was like, "Okay!" --  At some point in a session a song kind of takes on a life of its own and you just kind of follow it to the end and you're like, "Okay, we ended up with a cool song; I don't know if it's right for my project." And then Wayne the producer was like, "Well, would you mind if I pitched it?" And I was like, "No, not at all!" And so then to have someone actually cut it... and then release it as their first single, and then to have it go number 1, was like, the biggest shock. I was just like, "Oh! Wow, um, yeah!" It was exciting and it was like, really validating too, as a songwriter, because I think all artists are riddled with self doubt. It's always going to be rewarding to release stuff as an artist too, for me. So that's been exciting to get to that point.

OTW: Yeah! But now you've transitioned into doing your own music, which must be so exciting. Which producers and writers have taught you the most and who do you really enjoy working with?

KT: Oh man. I feel like I work with such a diverse group of people, and I like to remain open to learning a little bit from everyone, but as far as collaborations, I've written with a songwriter who goes by JHart, who's a friend of mine. Just insanely talented, and I tell him all the time, and I'm just obsessed with his work. I really love working with him. And I'm definitely speaking for him on this, but I think he would agree, because I feel like we are good collaborators--I feel like we bring out different things in each other, and he can bring out a lot of good stuff in me, so I always am excited when I get to write with him. I wrote "Weekend Millionaires" with him, and a couple others that aren't on the EP but that I've written, and that maybe could come out eventually.

OTW: Was "Weekend Millionaires" your first single you released?

KT: Yeah. So I wrote that with J Hart, and then Ludwig Goransson produced that, who's done all of Childish Gambino's stuff and is a composer and is insanely talented, so I obviously learned a ton from him... and I just love the way he works. He was always doing something amazing, but it wasn't super obvious. Stuff I would never think to do with production, so... those have both been really cool unique experiences.

OTW: Awesome. Before we dive into the EP, what have you learned from your close musical peers--Bridgit Mendler, Molly Kate Kestner, and Paris Carney who also joined you on the residency? 

KT: Oh, yeah. I mean, Bridgit and Paris are close friends of mine that I've known for years so we relate on everything. We'll talk about songwriting, we'll talk about how it feels to be pursuing a career in music, how it feels to be a woman in the industry, how it feels to have an off-day or have a day where you don't feel good enough. Luckily, with any good friendship, when I'm down, they'll be on their game, and when they're down, I'm on my game, and we can kind of help each other stick it out, because it can get overwhelming. So I'm really thankful to have women who support and encourage each other and help me keep my head on straight. And, Molly Kate, I actually just met her for the first time at the residency. She was so talented and sweet--I loved having her at the residency.

OTW: Cool. So I "Planez” is your most successful song on Spotify so far--how’d that come about?

KT: Yeah, I followed up "Weekend Millionaires" with "Planez," which was a cover of Jeremih's "Planez." I don't know, I'm just a big fan of that song. I've always loved covering songs from the hip hop genre -- I've done that on tour before. I think it definitely hints at a lot of what my new music sounds like: just a little more stripped-down, a little more raw...

OTW: You can kind of get that vibe on the EP for sure. And the EP is Tired Eyes--what does the title mean and is there a theme to the EP?

KT: These songs were kind of all written in that phase of life that I'm still in-- probably will always be in, to an extent--I don't feel like there's ever a point you reach where things are settled down, you've got it all figured out, everything's fine. So I think when I was just growing and realizing things about the world, and myself, and my friends, and just kind of observing what was happening around me, like a songwriter does, I was writing about it. And I was starting to kind of notice this trend of just being really inspired by those themes of life, and what it all means, and how we all kind of have that struggle of wondering why we're here, and what we're doing, and what it all means. So it explores those themes in a lot of ways. 

So Tired Eyes came because it's actually the title of another song I wrote that's not on the EP, but when I was thinking of titling it, I was like, that's such an interesting title to me. And I feel like it encapsulates that feeling in a nice way of just looking around and feeling kind of overwhelmed and tired of what you're seeing, but still having hope -- but just being a little bit jaded, or a little more cynical.

OTW: Tell me about "You Don't Know" --the video touches a nerve amongst teens struggling with depression. It came out around the same time as 13 Reasons Why, and it immediately got 1.3 million views in the first week. What does it mean to you to get that kind of response?

KT: Yeah, the response has been amazing. That's a song that I've held onto for a few years; I've only just kind of not been able to let go of it knowing there was something special about it. I mean, it felt special when I wrote it, for me personally, but also as a songwriter, when you hit that song where you're like, "I said exactly what I wanted to say," it's always such a good feeling. 

I think, like you said, people have connected to it in dealing with depression, because I feel like that's kind of how it feels. You have a lot of well-meaning, loving friends around you, trying to do their best to give you advice. And not that you don't like it, but sometimes it's like, "Thank you, but just having a positive attitude is not gonna make me feel better right now!" Not that I think you should stay there, or that it's a healthy place to be, but sometimes I think it's necessary to feel what you're feeling, and allow yourself to be where you're at, and not try to pull yourself together, or feel better, or be positive, or smile or...for a minute, wanting people around you to kind of let you do that. And so I feel like that's kind of how I try to be as a friend. And I think I've wanted to try to get better at that, and allow myself to learn about how to be a good friend to people. 

OTW: And then there’s "Love Me Again"--such an intimate song with a nice build. This is about your fascination of people and relationships. Elaborate more on this song, is this personal to you? 

KT: Yeah, "Love Me Again" is more about the complexity of love and relationships, and specifically, being in a committed relationship and hitting that point where you're you're thinking about the future, and you're like, "Is this gonna work? Just the unknown of the future, and your relationship, was interesting to me. I wrote it in Nashville, and we came up with the line of the chorus, "Will you know how to hate me and love me again?," which I think kind of sums up the whole meaning of the song, you know? I don't claim to be an expert by any means, but that's kind of my personal feeling behind that song.

OTW: I enjoyed seeing that balance in the live show, and you packed The Resident every week. I mean, talk about the response you got! 

KT: So much of what I love about music, and why I got into the music industry in the first place, was a love of performing, and playing shows and being on stage. So, I've had a lot of time in the studio, writing, figuring out what these songs are going to be, without the payoff of being able to perform them. So, it just felt like this awesome release to just get up there and play the songs and see how the response was, how it felt singing them onstage. 

OTW: Awesome! And last question: Who are your top Ones To Watch right now?

KT: Oh, gosh. I mean... we were talking earlier about Wrabel, I'm a big fan of him. I have been for a while, and he just put out an EP that's really good. There's a lot of cool new pop girls coming out. I mean, Dagny just released a cool song, Sigrid, obviously, my friend Paris releasing her new project, O'Neill Hudson coming soon! She's really talented, and a sweet friend and person. Gosh, there's so much cool stuff coming out that it's hard to keep track. Julia Michaels too--she's just a freaking genius and inspirational songwriter. Yeah, a lot of cool female artists coming out, which is exciting.

[smittenbyschmidt]

11 Questions Tag:

I had originally tagged @trashyforkpop when I did this just the other day, but then she retagged me in her’s to answer her 11 questions!! So, that’s what I’m doing! Thank you, lovely!! 💗

I’m not gonna tag anyone or ask any new questions haha, but yeah here it is!! :)

I’m putting this under “keep reading” because it ended up a lot longer than I thought it would be, haha.

EDIT: i went to edit something on this and accidentally deleted it, so i’m reposting it lmao. good thing I had originally written it out in my notes on my laptop lmao.... deep sigh haha.

1. What is the worst thing you’ve ever done?: Lol, I am lowkey such a goodie-two-shoes??? I honestly can’t think of anything really bad that I’ve done besides maybe lie to someone to get out having to do something (but it would be like??? lying to not hang out or go somewhere I don’t feel like going). lmao

2. Tell me about your day: My day was pretty good! I had a job interview this morning, and I pretty much got the job but I’m gonna be starting off doing some different jobs before I work my way up to the supervisor position I had originally applied for. So, I’ll be working at a Nursing Home/Rehabilitation facility pretty soon!! Today has been really rainy and wet and gross out, so after I got back from my interview, I chilled for a bit. Then, my mom and I met my uncle and grandmother at a farm to go and buy plants to put in our backyard garden (which was kinda gross because again… it’s pouring outside, but everything was in green houses, which was nice). I had a yummy lunch that I made (it was kinda like homemade ramen, but i used rice noodles instead because I’m on a gluten free diet right now). Now, I’m chilling again, and cleaning up around the house, before my mom and I go out to dinner later tonight with my mom’s best friend. All in all, a pretty good day so far! :)

3. What is something about yourself you wish others appreciated about you more?: My ability to problem solve and think on my feet. (sometimes, I feel like people don’t listen to my suggestions?? even though they end up doing what I was going to say/did say in the end??). *insert dramatic eye rolls here*

4.  What languages can you speak?: Unfortunately, only english, fluently. I can speak a bit of Spanish, but only really enough to kind of converse. I’d love to learn more languages though! (Side note: my brother is amazing at languages, he’s a linguistics major in college right now, and has taught himself a lot of languages, so I’m kinda jealous about that).

5. Some of your favorite emojis even if they’re not commonly used: 💫🌷🤧🆗🆒⭐️🌙🤗🤷🏻‍♀️🗣 and my favorite emoji: 💖

6. A misconception you had about kpop (for example I used to think that got7′s JinYoung was an asshole cause of all the fancams where he rejected fans love but in reality he’s the softest bean): I don’t really know? I guess, for me, first impressions are pretty strong and if I see a member that seems to be kind of “cold” or “serious” with their outside appearance during performances or in interviews, I kind of think that that’s how they are. At least until I learn more about them and realize that they are all serious softies that deserve the world. :( (specifically Yongguk, Yoongi, Taeyong, and probably a bunch more hahah).

7.  Any song recommendations?: I’m gonna go down the non-kpop route, because… well, Idk why but yeah.

“Easy” by Mac Ayres

“LY4L” by Katelyn Tarver (actually, anything by Katelyn Tarver ahah: but especially “Love Me Again”, “Hate to Tell You”, “A Little More Free”, “It’s Good” & “Love Alone”)

Literally anything by LANY (they are my favorite band), but specifically: “4EVER!”, “Someone Else”, “ILYSB” (and the acoustic vers. omg), “yea, babe, no way”, “pink skies” (!!!!!!!!!!), “like you lots”, “it was love”, ect.

“Four Walls” by Broods

“Never Be Like You” by Flume

“Drive” by Glades

“Start of Time” by Gabrielle Aplin

((probs more but that’s all i can think of right now lol))

8. Brag about yourself: (I’m deadass gonna grade you like a teacher so the more the better) lol ok this is gonna be kinda awkward because I don’t really like to brag about myself???? but, here we go I guess. I am an incredibly organized and put together person. I am honestly know as the organization queen in my family, because I can literally take anything that may be messy (a closet, a room, a cabinet, a purse, files, anything tbh) and organize it. I also really enjoy organizing, so that makes it even better to me haha. I am a very patient person (tbh I’m not sure who I got it from because my mom can be so impatient lmao, and so can my dad), so I take a lot of pride in that fact? I have always been really great a bullshitting essays? Like, I can write a pretty solid essay on topics i’m not event too familiar with in a short amount of time, and get a really great grade on it. I’m also really great at writing long papers (or papers that have to have a certain number or pages or words minimum). Like, if a professor gave an assignment where we had to write a paper that had to be at least 3-4 pages long, my essay would end up being at least 7 pages (and I almost always did really well on those papers lol). Besides the fact that I may begin working in a nursing home/rehabilitation center in the diet department, I also volunteer at my local hospital. I work under one of the RD’s in the oncology department, and I have been creating handouts for cancer patients that explain the different nutrition considerations that would benefit specific types of cancers. (Like, I just completed a handout that’s made for patients with brain tumors). Umm, I’m not really one to brag about my outer appearance, but I do think I have a great style?? Like, I really love the way that I dress on a day to day basis, and though I may sometimes dress like a grandma, I’m really proud of the cute, young adult but still 22 year old, style that i have?? idk. I also really like my hair and my eyebrows?? Like, I’m super happy with my eyebrows lmao, I take a lot of pride in them??? I also think I’m a really great listener, and I take a lot of pride in being someone that people can talk to, and I always try to give my undivided attention. I also try to give the best advice that I can (I’m not the best at it, but I really try my best to help). I am also really sarcastic and kinda witty (and I can be quite funny once you get to know me), and I really like that about myself. idk, is that enough annah????

9. Do you have any “useless” knowledge?: (pls share an “useless” fact) Did you know that strawberries and raspberries aren’t actually berries, but banana’s technically are?? Strawberries and raspberries both derive from single flowers that have more than one ovary, but a true berry would derive from a single flower that has only one ovary. Technically, bananas derive from a flower with only one ovary, making them berries. Eggplants and tomatoes too.

10. The ocean or space, and why?: Well, as gorgeous as I find the ocean to be, and as long as I have lived near the ocean, I am not an ocean person. I think that the extent and the depth of what’s in the ocean is incredible and completely fascinating, and there is so much in the ocean that we have still yet to learn about, but I find outer space to be completely fascinating. Let me just say that the extent of my knowledge on either subject is very low, but I think find space to be so interesting. There’s this whole universe out there that we have yet to discover, and there’s so much out there (like planets, life, stars, galaxies, ect) that we still don’t know about and i think that’s really awesome. I also can’t swim too well and I hate seaweed, so for that reason, I’m not big on the ocean. but I’d also never want to go to space??? so idk there are things about each I love and find to be fascinating, but there are also aspects of each that I don’t like?? I hope this made sense, hahah.

11. How are you?: (in depth response required “I’m fine” is not allowed) I’m doing pretty well! I’ve got a lot of shit on my mind lately, and I’m trying to figure a lot of my life out still, but slowly but surely, things are working out in my favor, which makes me quite happy. I definitely have my moments where I and definitely not in a great headspace, where I kinda just want to keep to myself and be alone, but currently, I’ve been pretty content. My anxiety was really bad maybe 2 weeks ago, but since then, i haven’t been too anxious or anything. Overall, I’m good right now. :)