#what kinda tag is this journaling/introspection supposed to have?

[yeahcanigetuhhhhh]

something i cant acclimate to in the homeless shelter is the bathroom sounds women make. concerning and unsettling. are they dying?; masturbating?; is this normal?—cant tell. the only thing that comes from my mouth during either pain or immense relief is a sigh slightly thicker than usual, so its remarkable seeing how this same setting is for others so vocal. im not saying these women should stop, i think if you need to let something out you probably should; but i am saying when someone walks into the stall next to me i can tell my Meditative Toilet Time for the day is about to be over

this relates to my different threshold for expressing communicative noise in general though: i think these women’s feelings of pain and relief are not dissimilar to my own; but particularly with negative feelings, im so stonefaced that if any sound escapes me it must mean im at ‘call 911 now’ intensity. and i cant argue thats a good thing…so, im not about to drag anyone for being more communicative than i am at a lower threshold; good on them for having been socialized into being expressive

that said, the extent their sound makes me uncomfortable is less about differing tendencies for expression and more about just not wanting to be pulled into someone elses internal experience at 3:00 AM. or at all really. on the one hand cordoning oneself off entirely from others experiences is kinda not possible or good…part of what runs through me in these moments is resentment for being pulled into distress i didnt consent to being pulled into. but that same reasoning, just inflated, is whats also running through those who want to sweep ‘the homeless problem’ out of sight off the streets purely for the sake of avoiding that annoying vicarious distress they never agreed to let in. they want ‘privacy’ too — they want insulation. i dont want to think like them

on the other hand its not just distress i want to be insulated from, but anything that pulls me into someone elses world. laughter, murmurs of visceral relief, whatever; i can find it all annoying since the issue with not having consented to these vicarious experiences isnt that theyre negative but simply that their intrusion makes me unable to think thoughts of my own or feel feelings of my own. my very strong degree of this is an adhd/autism thing but its a general human thing too at lower scales, and it means an extent of privacy is necessary and helpful for some quality of life. privacy isnt the theme of the world we live in, though. privacy also isn’t the theme of this shelter…as above so below, verrrry much so below here

emotional analyses and introspection aside, theres probably basic human animal reasons why i or anyone would feel uncomfortable simply knowing a human is shitting so close to me. like, for hygienic purposes, evolutionarily, does it make sense or seem like its gonna wind up in good health for a line of people to be shitting 4 feet away from each other? in an enclosed space no less, and day after day? maybe theres an animal part of this thats unavoidable.

there are probably a couple animal aspects like this that the society weve built keeps encroaching on. i think the prerogative to keep ones mouth shut in the stall and pretend a bowel movement is not in fact going on is partly us working to maintain a social contract that compensates for the unnaturalness of these unprivate surroundings. we pretend others arent cramped in with us; simultaneously we try to make it as easy as possible for others to pretend were not in here with them either. same as the subway—subway etiquette, bathroom etiquette

so what can be said then about someone whos refusing to follow that social contract? that theyre inconsiderate? that theyre in pain or relief more intense than i can imagine and i was wrong to relate to it? who knows. probably the former

one must also consider why the fuck we set things up this way tho (who benefits from all this crampedness??). on the one hand i can blame the offenders for inconsiderately not making themselves small enough to fulfill their part of a social contract that compensates for the dearth of privacy weve built. on the other hand i can recognize how the dearth of privacy weve built should honestly not be this way, and that we are expecting people to compensate so far to make bearable a system of human organization thats bad and unbearable in the first place, which should be dismantled and made better. at a certain point, how much can their not ensmallening themselves to compensate for a shitty system really be said to be ‘their fault’? especially when the systems crampedness and rigidity just seems to increase over time, and theres no alternative. —its not like were offering a trowel and peaceful spot in the woods to anyone who doesnt follow etiquette. id take that option every time if it was offered. anything other than this choice is criminalized and theres nothing but property anyway

so, im not gonna hold it against whoever makes these sounds on the can. but the frustration has to go ~somewhere~; right now its going onto tumblr introspection. but its hard to get angry at systems so abstract and far removed, and so easy to take it out on people right in front of you failing to fit into said systems (at no fault of their own). :( none of us here fit though… thats why were all here

[witchyflapjack]

Witch Tips - BoS/Grimoire

Okay, so if you’re like me and you like all of your stuff to be as perfectly neat and organized and aesthetically pleasing as possible, it can be kinda difficult or seem hella daunting to get your book of shadows going. Here are some ideas to help you get yourself more comfortable with your witchy documents:

Start with an ordinary notebook. I have two that are fairly small, almost moleskine/typical personal journal sized that I can tuck in my bag so I always have something with me. Use this to doodle sigils, work on spells, come up with ritual ideas, record introspections, general thoughts, or offerings for deities. Whatever part of your craft that you are interested in and want to draft, do that here- once everything is down and you’ve worded it or drawn it exactly as you like it, then it can be copied into your final book.

It doesn’t need to look “witchy.” Your (for lack of a better term) ‘final copy’ BoS/grimoire doesn’t need to be black or grey or covered in the triple moon or pentacles or any other stereotypically witchy aesthetic (but if that’s what you like, you do you). It could be a regular Staples notebook, or binder. Buy one that has a print you like, buy one that’s completely naked and decorate it however you feel it should be decorated- or, leave it completely naked. It’s up to you. This is a book by you, for you, and represents your craft. Don’t feel pressured to have it look any way other than how you want it to.

Consider how you want it to look inside. I know that something I’ve struggled with is that I write neater on line paper, but I don’t like the lines of notebook paper to be coming through my sigils or drawings of crystals or herbs I may have. I haven’t started my “formal” or “final” BoS yet because I still haven’t quite found a compromise for that. If lines through drawings don’t bother you, consider a notebook or a 3-ring binder (I’ll discuss that in more detail next) as a possible vehicle for your BoS. If lines bother you, consider something like a sketchbook, or again, a 3-ring binder, which brings me to my next point...

Think about organization. Again, this is something you just have to feel out for yourself. There are people who fill their BoS without organization, and just feel out or remember from use where certain subjects are in the pages. I am a huge stickler for structure and finding things easily (I mean have you noticed how many tags I use on this blog?) I would say in that regard a 3-ring binder might be a huge lifesaver- first of all, you can get them either hardcover or soft cover, they come in different sizes and colors, and most are easily decorate-able. They can offer more protection for the contents, plus with loose leaf and rings, you can arrange and rearrange your BoS as it pleases you. If you create a section on crystals and learn something a month later, you can easily insert your new page into the section. Some people prefer chronology instead of subject, so their BoS will be carefully dated and not segmented by topic. Again, there is no wrong way to do this.

Building your Book or Grimoire or whatever you decide to call it is a personal and ongoing experience- there is no wrong way to do it, and no one can tell you how to best make it, because it is unique to you and your craft. Hope this was helped, its supposed to serve as a good jumping off point for any/all beginner witches. Feel free to reach out with any questions, suggestions or concerns!

-Witchy Pancake

[rsanchezc-137]

Scarlett’s Ride

©2017 David Downes, All rights Reserved

  This is the first section I have typed up from the original hand written journal I kept while taking my solo-cross country trip on my Ducati Scrambler. Look up that bike and you will see how it was clearly not meant for touring. It is also literally cross-country being that I live in New Hampshire the second furthest state (not by much) from California. I don’t want to give away any details but it was a long, arduous, but most of all introspective journey that had me walking away truly a man if I wasn’t one before. I will keep posting as I get it typed up, I nearly filled the journal so there’s a lot of content to go through. I will be keeping it close to the original and any major changes I make from what I originally wrote will be clearly noted, anything else is just grammar, spelling or reworked sentences to flow better since this is technically a second draft. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed experiencing and then writing about it. If you do please share it to show your support.

  Day 1 July 25, 2017

             Though it is close to midnight, that hour has yet to to strike so therefore this entry can still in good conscious be dated as such. This is the first of soon to be many chronicling my (so far) long days on the road.

         My trip started at 6:20 this morning and concluded at 7:44 according to my gps tracker. Holy balls what a long day it was! I said farewell to Mom, who of course had to send me off before going to work, and began my arduous journey across 4 ½ states ending in eastern Pennsylvannia, the same Allentown made famous by Billy Joel.

         I knew it would be cold and damp before I left from the forecast and just looking at the sky as I finished getting ready to leave. However, it seemed that the further from home I got the more New England tried to bar me from leaving. I think by the time I reached Pennsylvania it realized I was more determined than deterred to not give up so easy.

         I hadn’t been riding more than half an hour before I had to stop to add my full leather jacket to my layers. It was the VT border (and first fill-up) I also opted for my gauntlets over just my fingerless gloves. It was misty and wet but it wasn’t until the New York border I hit serious rain. The real kick in the ass was that it ended up drowning my phone before I could put it somewhere dry. Thanks to that my plan to explore Philly got shot so I could sort that problem out and still find a place to shack up for the night. Not the best weather for Day 1.

         Despite the large, unexpected price tag for a new phone (including insurance this time) nothing was as frustrating as Jersey. It was a large portion of my time today. It rained even worse than in New York after having had some time to dry off. I had to go by memory to navigate the shitty highway system. Oh yea and traffic came to a screeching halt not long after the rain picked back up. At that point the rain wasn’t even what was pissing me off anymore. Sitting in dead traffic, as anyone who knows me know, drive me fucking mental, then add on being soaked through and the raw ass from being on a seat for so long that wasn’t meant for endurance trips.

         Thankfully literally as soon as I crossed over Pennsylvania gave me reprieve from the rain and even some sun! My ass was still killing me at that point but I also didn’t have long left to go. As fucked up as it may be I have to say overall I enjoyed myself. I spent more time on my Ducati than ever and in a way proved to myself that I can keep pushing on even with a wrench thrown in my way so early on. It was very tempting to just turn around but I could never live that down.      

         Tomorrow I have another long leg to get to Columbus but it’s mostly Pennsylvania which really is quite beautiful. It’s also supposed to be much nicer weather-wise meaning I can really take it in and enjoy the ride. I’m thinking I’ll hit Gettysburg on the way to Ohio, it’s only a small detour and I’ve never been.

Mile Count: 398.9

Day 2 July 26, 2017

         First, happy birthday to my older brother Greg. Second HOLY FUCK my ass!! Today was definitely a much better day than yesterday. It was mainly the fact that there was no rain. Pennsylvania was also much more beautiful the further I went.

         Having said that there was a lot of fucking road to cover. It was really cool stopping at Gettysburg. Got some real cool pictures there. There was also one really cool place I passed with giant crayons hanging off the branches through a section of forest. The rest was all valleys and highway.

         By the time I got to West Virginia my ass was already killing me. I took about a half hour break right after the border. I had to assess the damage to my tent, I also really needed to get off my seat.

         I should not have listened to Mom and Mike about using a bungee cord to secure it. The thing ended up under my seat dangling right onto the tire. Somewhere after chewing out the bag and much of the fabric inside it tossed the poles. Tomorrow I’ll go with my original plan of clipping right to my backpack. I also had the idea to clip the gear bag onto my handlebars and rest that on the tank, solid move.

         Ohio seemed to take forever. Until I saw how far I had left after the border I had no idea it was literally the middle of the buckeye state. Although at that point I was also counting every single mile and minute to reach my uncle’s house. Speaking off he’s pulling in the driveway now to let me in so I’ll wrap this up.

Official Mile Count: 497.9

 Day 5 July 29, 2017

           I skipped the last 2 entries because I was not on the road like I hoped. I spent a couple day’s at my Uncle Pete’s house to skip the rain. It was also a good chance to hang out with one of my favorite but furthest away relatives. It was time well spent too, we had some fun. It was still during the week so he had to work but when he got out we did still did the routine of hitting Donnerick’s until close. It was really quite uneventful save the Jerry incident.

         It was Thursday so not many people were there as late as we were. It was a nice relaxing night until out of nowhere we hear “Bitch I want a fucking drink!” Apparently he didn’t like the fact that the bartender was looking out for him and wanted him to drink some water before continuing to be served. The other 4 of us immediately went quiet as the scene unfolded between Jerry and the bartender.

         Long story short they go back and forth, him getting nastier and nastier towards her as she kept her ground insisting not to give him anymore without drinking water first.  This is where it got good. He stormed out pissy temporarily barred from the bar. Dude hops in his truck and starts revving it like an asshole right outside the door. After that we’re guessing he meant to come back in to shoot his mouth off again. Instead he forgot he still had it in reverse and ended up stepping out of the truck while in gear.

         Pete and I had both been watching very closely knowing that his car was parked outside and there was a belligerent drunk getting behind the wheel. As I’m watching the truck it starts to curve around back towards the building with him just outside the door trying to catch up to it. He must’ve been hanging onto the wheel to make it turn like that. He almost went into be building before he got back in and stopped it. He however still ended up steering right into another car in the lot pushing it a good couple feet in the spot.

         Needless to say that move upgraded him to a full ban from the bar. He was just lucky that the guy who owned the car knew him well and took it well. Got the wife involved and made sure that it would be worked out without legal hassle. Mad respect to the guy for having a heart. I’d’ve been ripshit myself and done everything in my power to get the fucker off the road.

         (This next part I had not originally written in the handwritten journal but I feel like including it)

         The only other thing that happened in Columbus was my decision that I would not be avoiding getting high during the trip. It’s an introspective journey so I’d be doing myself a disservice to not be open to altering my mind, especially since I’m an experience stoner anyway. My equilibrium was fucked up more by not smoking to be honest.

         Columbus being a college city I figured it shouldn’t be too hard to find any so while I had time to myself I hit the campus area. Honestly wasn’t too impressed. Probably the poorest college city I’ve ever seen (and I saw quite a few by the end of the trip). I kinda knew it would happen but I rolled with falling victim to the effect of what poverty does to people.

         I think this was the first time where my fuck it attitude started to influence how I let things go. I asked around to a few people who looked like they knew where to find some if they didn’t have any themselves. One guy told me that there’s usually someone at the bus stop just down the street who has some. That guy was actually really cool and appreciative of the few bucks I gave him since I’m pretty sure he was homeless. Probably why I also let my guard down since he didn’t seem to know who would be taking my money so why would he lie to me?

         Well there was a couple people down there who said they could hook me up. They didn’t have that much on them but could bring me to the source and grab some for me. We walk a few blocks and he takes my money and tells me to wait there while he went inside. I was in an amicable mood and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

         Some other guy came out about half an hour all pissed off I was standing so close to his stoop. I couldn’t tell if he was actually dangerous or just trying to pull the lone white boy in a black neighborhood card to scare me off. I didn’t let that scare me entirely I just didn’t want to piss him off completely and pull out his bitch ass 9 he probably was carrying. Had I not foolishly left my 40 back at Pete’s I would’ve seen just how much of a baller he was. Instead I just walked off a short distance down the road until he went back in. I waited about another half hour before finally deciding that was the first dude’s friend shooing me away and my hope for the poor black community was misplaced.

(Back to original journal)

         Today was beautiful weather-wise so I hopped back on the bike. Hardly a cloud in the sky the whole day. Went through Kentucky and into the forest in Indiana. I made one stop in Ohio to check out Dayton given the historical significance in aviation. I have long accepted it will not be a career but I’ve wanted to fly for a long time now. Couldn’t resist visiting the Wright Brother’s workshop. My final destination for the day however was this place called Hemlock Cliffs in one of the National Forests. There are some really beautiful trails that I’ll have to post pictures of to Facebook when I get back Service.

         I did stop in Louisville too to grab a bite to eat before my last leg into the forest. Treated myself to some real southern BBQ, and damn it was good. I ordered the beef brisket sandwich. The beef was smokey and practically fell apart. The sauce was mesquite, juicy, and succulent. Sorry Dad you’ve been beat. It was definitely the energy boost I needed to be able to lug my shit through the woods later on.

         Was a good day riding too. It was still rough after a while but I think I’m starting to get used to the seat. I also didn’t go as far today as but still enough to say that if I do go for long days again I should be able to handle it. I really hope to get to Colorado soon though cuz I’d really like to smoke up.

         I also could not keep up with my tradition of taking a picture of the sign as I cross the border. Where I came into Indiana there was no safe spot to pull over plus I almost missed it anyway being hidden in the brush next to the road.

         It’s definitely getting dark now so I’m going to save the battery on my light/radio/hand-crank/solar charger to use on my phone since that’s hurting for power. Gonna utilize having downloaded stuff onto my tablet to watch a movie and go to sleep.

Official Mile Count: 284.93 + 28.11 cruising Columbus