#what if virgil asks logan out through a puzzle

[hes-as-stubborn-as-ever]

Virgil while working on his next Logan puzzle: oh god I hope he'll like it

Roman standing in the doorway to his room, having listened to both of them rant on and on about this for weeks, knowing how down bad Logan is: dude chill he'll love it because you made it for him

[bailey-orphic08]

Virgil's Gift: An Analysis on It's Symbolism and Possible Foreshadowing

Obvious spoilers for Thomas' newest Sander Asides video: What Makes the Perfect Gift? Go watch it if you haven't.

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So the yearly Sander Sides Christmas special dropped hours ago. (Yippee!) And there's a surprisingly large amount to be said for it to be a 13 minute long Christmas special. In fact, I'd say it's the most story focused episode since Can Plushies Improve Our Health?, and that was an ad for the Sander Sides plushies. There's just so much to talk about this episode. There's the implications of Janus and Remus being invited to play Secret Santa; the mystery to what Thomas' message was with his gift to Nico; the underlying tension between all the sides that reminds us of the angst we've already seen and how things still aren't completely alright and that the worst is yet to come; and, most notable of all, the question as to WHY THE HELL REMUS WOULD WANT TO F*CK ANDREW JACKSON??

But the most interesting thing to me is Virgil's gift to Logan, his reaction, and how it reflects Logan's current situation.

Virgil gives Logan a newspaper, claiming that it seems like something he would like. Logan however, does not read newspapers and is very disappointed by the gift. Remus and Janus make some comments on how unthoughtful Virgil's gift appears. But at the end of the episode, Logan finds out that the newspaper actually has a secret message and is the first puzzle of an entire scavenger hunt, which excites him a lot.

This is by far my favorite part of the episode. Not only is it heartwarming, it also symbolizes how Logan has been treated as a whole, and may even foreshadow future events in the series.

When Virgil gives Logan the newspaper, Logan is very confused, and asks him why he would give him a newspaper. Virgil replies, "Cuz' you're the Mr. Smarty Pants of the group. You like reading and all that." Logan is still confused though. Yes, he likes to read, but that doesn't mean he will read anything. Roman chimes in with Virgil, reinforcing that they think Logan will like it. Logan says, "Is that all I am to you? The reading guy?..." And Virgil replies, "I don't know man, give it a read! I'm sure it has something you like."

This entire interaction represents how Logan has been ignored and misunderstood throughout the entire series. Virgil gives Logan a newspaper, something he doesn't actually want, because he assumes he will like it since he likes to read in general. He made an assumption on Logan's personality based off things he already knew, something Thomas and all of the other sides have been doing since the beginning. Throughout the entire series, Logan is considered the smart one of the group who always provides information and exposition, and little else is expected of him. In ACCEPTING ANXIETY part one, Thomas assumes that Logan knew what his problem was because he provides, "the explanatory exposition in [the Sander Sides] videos because all the other characters are too zany or relatable." And in Selfishness v. Selflessness, Logan is benched after providing information that supports both Patton and Janus' sides because they assume he has nothing else to offer. Time and time again Logan is reduced to his function and the traits that go along with it, such as liking to read. And why these things about him are true, he is far more complex that who they see him as. But, as Virgil didn't seem to care to get him something he would actually like, they don't seem to care to learn more about Logan...

They do care though. And that's shown through the twist at the end. When Logan discovers that it's a puzzle, Virgil jokes, "And you thought I would just get you a newspaper. Tsk. What do you take me for?" Though it appeared Virgil didn't put much consideration into the gift, and though Logan believed Virgil didn't, he did, because he truly cares about Logan. And throughout the entire series, though they don't always listen to him, Thomas and the sides show that they care about Logan. Patton is always nice to him, Roman, while the most harsh to him, does secretly respect him, and Thomas, as shown in the song, "Incomplete," is not only aware that Logan has feelings and is more than just logic, he wants Logan to accept it as well. He also seems empathetic when Logan is disappointed with his gift. This represents how Logan's insecurities get in the way of him being fully accepted. Logan is convinced that Thomas and the sides will only ever see him as his function, and that they do not care about his other traits. This is one of the reasons he represses his emotions, and is shown by how quickly Logan believes Virgil got him a newspaper simply because he likes to read. Though Logan may not realize it, Thomas and the sides love and accept him fully, and Logan needs to see that.

However, it seems that someone doesn't want him to see that...

And that's where the foreshadowing comes into play.

After the conversation Virgil gives Logan his gift, Janus chimes in, saying, "Wow Logan, looks like Virgil put a lot of thought into that one!" He emphasizes how little consideration Virgil's gift seemed to have. In doing this, he reinforces the idea to Logan that Virgil didn't care enough to give him a gift he would like, even though that's not actually true. And if he his doing this intentionally, he may also be reinforcing the idea that they don't care about him.

And Remus soon after joins in, proposing, "Kinda makes you wanna scream, huh?" This is obviously a callback to Logan's outburst in Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts. In that episode, Remus showed great excitement towards his outburst, implying that Remus wanted him to get upset. And now again, he suggests that Logan should get angry about it. It is very clear that Remus is trying to make Logan lash out on purpose.

Based off this, I believe that in future episodes, we will see the dark sides, or Remus at least, try to manipulate Logan into believing that Thomas and the sides don't care about him. In doing this, they'll persuade him into joining their side. Perhaps they'll make him a puppet for the Orange Side, or if Logan is the Orange Side, they will make him embrace it. Of course their plan won't work out though. Because even if the do get Logan to join them for a little, the other sides will show that they care. And perhaps if they do, Logan will finally be able to see that, and he will finally be able to accept himself.

[ts-sides-head-canon]

Hey, hey, Sanders Sides AU idea. Imagine if Nico has some sort of psychological powers or something, so he can actually see the sides, and he already understands what they are through research into c!Thomas' channel after they met at the mall, so now he just messes with them whenever he's around and one of them is out.

Scenario 1: Thomas and Nico are hanging out, and Logan or Janus pops up to tell Thomas to have a drink because it's been a while. Thomas tries to ignore them because he wants to focus on Nico, but then Nico asks when Thomas last had a drink and convinces Thomas to get a cup of water, and when Thomas gets up to get the water Nico just gives Logan/Janus a little wink before going back to just chilling. That wink then puzzles that Logan/Janus for about a week.

Scenario 2: Nico notices Virgil hovering around Thomas and that Thomas is kinda tense. He distracts Thomas with a movie or something, but then midway through just wraps his arm around Thomas's shoulders, and while Thomas is busy being a flustered mess, he just makes direct eye contact with Virgil and boops him on the nose before returning his attention back to the movie. Virgil's thoughts are nothing but "what the fuck?" for a solid 2 hours.

This continues until Nico unintentionally blows his cover by laughing at the creative twins while they're having some dumb argument about just how Thomas should make a move, he explains what's been going on before promptly solving the argument by kissing Thomas right then and there and saying something along the lines of "I've had fun getting to know all the parts of you, Thomas."

I'm probably gonna make something out of this at one point, and I encourage others to do the same.

Oh I love this!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Not a Bad Holiday Season

Hey! I hope you had a great holiday season! I was wondering if you could write something sweet about Virgil and Logan after the secret Santa episode. No pressure ofc, Thank you you’re the best <3 – lapassemirrior

Read on Ao3

Pairings: none

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1225

“No, but that doesn’t work within the context of the other clues…”

Virgil smiles as he ambles down the hallway, listening to the soft mutterings on the other side of Logan’s door. From the sounds of it, Logan’s hardly stopped to breathe since he figured out that the newspaper wasn’t just a newspaper. He hesitates for a moment, just a moment, before knocking on the door.

“Come in?”

“Hey,” he says as he steps through, “wanted to check if you—whoa.”

He thinks he can be forgiven for truly coming to a dead stop when he sees the fucking conspiracy board Logan’s got where his whiteboard usually is. The original newspaper is still on his desk, the eye in the hurricane of notebooks, pens, and paper strewn about, but he’s made copies of certain parts and pinned them to a corkboard. Fucking hell, he’s even got bits of red string connecting picture to picture—if he didn’t know any better, he’d ask if Logan were working with Roman or Remus on some film noir idea.

“Virgil?”

He snaps himself out of it. “Sorry, I, uh, I guess I’m glad you’re having fun?”

Logan’s face splits into an almost manic grin—shit, maybe he really has been spending too much time with Remus. “This is incredible, Virgil, I can’t properly express my gratitude until I’ve completed your puzzle. I have to ask: did you do all of this truly by yourself?”

Virgil scratches the back of his head. “Eh. I may have gotten Princey to help with some of it.”

Logan frowns. “Roman?”

“Well, yeah, he is Creativity too. And he’s—okay, I’m not gonna spoil it ‘cause it’s his idea, but he has this thing he’s doing right now that’s gonna be really, really cool when he gets around to showing it off, so—“

He trails off when he sees Logan still frowning at his desk. He takes a step closer, nudging him with an elbow.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It really is nothing,” he says, “I suppose I’m surprised that Roman would be willing to…help you with such a thing.”

Virgil frowns. The irritation that Logan had expressed when he’d first looked at the newspaper, the almost resignation he’d had when he’d immediately moved on, it’s starting to show in his face right now.

“L,” he says, trying to get his attention, “why is it surprising?”

“Well,” Logan huffs, adjusting his tie, “you know.”

”I don’t. Can you tell me?”

“It’s Roman.”

“Yeah. Creativity. Making things. Doing stuff for us.”

“For you,” Logan corrects, still not meeting his gaze, “not necessarily for me.”

That’s funny. As Virgil remembers it, Roman had been hesitant to help him at all until he’d told him it was for Logan. Then he was practically climbing all over him to help out.

“But perhaps in the spirit of the holiday, then—“

“Logan.”

Logan stops. He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. Virgil lets him, waiting until he’s put his glasses back on and sat down. He leans against the edge of the desk and waits.

”That was unfair of me to say,” he mumbles, “wasn’t it?”

“Maybe a bit.”

“I…didn’t mean it to be spiteful.”

“You sure?”

“…maybe slightly.”

Virgil chuckles, rubbing his shoulder. “It’s okay. I know you and Princey have your moments.”

“But I have those with everyone,” Logan continues, staring off into space, “even—even with you. When I didn’t realize what your gift was at first, I…”

“Hey,” Virgil murmurs when Logan’s breath hitches just a bit too much for his liking, “you’re okay. It’s—look, the holidays are a stressful time for everyone, it’s not fair of me to hold it against you.”

“Thank you.”

“And, uh, I think any ARG that loudly screams hey, look at me, I’m a big fucking puzzle kinda fails at being an entertaining ARG—“ Logan snorts— “so I don’t blame you for taking a second to get it either.”

Logan hums, leaning against Virgil’s side. His glasses squish slightly into his ribs and he turns to fix it. “You’re right.”

“And hey, you really look like you’re enjoying it.” He gestures to the board. “You got your red string out and everything.”

“Well, I realized that I could take notes on my computer or in the notebook, but…” He can hear the moment the smile curls up his face. “I decided I might as well have fun with it.”

“That’s the whole point.”

“Thank you,” he says, softer now, turning to look up at him, “I really do like the present.”

Virgil chuckles. “I got that. Glad you’re having fun. What part are you at?”

“Part?”

“How much of it have you solved already?”

“I’ve just gotten to the QR code you managed to hide inside the picture—how did you do that, by the way? No, no—“ Logan holds up a hand as Virgil starts to explain— “don’t tell me just yet, I’ll make a list to ask you once I’ve finished everything.”

Virgil just grins and holds up his hands, stepping back as he watches Logan get up and start working on something again. He wanders over to the board after a moment, looking at all the pieces. Shit, he knew Logan would be good at this, but Janus would pop up if he said he’s a little disappointed that some of the puzzles didn’t take him longer.

Though, he notices with a grin, it doesn’t look like Logan’s cracked the big one yet. That’ll be something to look forward too.

“But enough about that,” Logan says, “did you come here for anything specific?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Pat and Princey are making a fucking feast for dinner and they’ve asked the rest of us to put together a movie marathon. If you, uh, if you’re willing to step away for a sec?”

“Certainly. Give me one moment…” Logan scribbles something else down on the piece of paper and pins it to the board—damnit, he got that one too, he really is good at this, maybe he should’ve made it harder— “there. Alright, what is everyone thinking? There are a few generic thrillers that have come out recently, Remus was talking about a disaster movie—“

“Wait, they made another one?”

Logan rolls his eyes as they head out to the hall. “It’s quite a profitable genre, despite the rampant suspension of disbelief that’s necessary for full immersion, so yes, I’m sure they did.”

“I don’t know about you, but I think not having to think too much sounds like a good thing.”

Logan chuckles. “Yes, well, you’ve been kind enough to give me quite the puzzle to keep me entertained for a while.”

“I really am glad you like it, L.”

“May I be honest?” Virgil nods and Logan glances around, leaning a bit closer. “Even if it had just been a newspaper, I still would have appreciated it as it came from you.���

Well. Shit. Now he’s blushing. And Logan’s looking at him like that and yep, they’re going to find the others right now.

All in all, not such a bad holiday season.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

A Swallow's Symphony In Spring (18/19)

Chapter 18 - The Breezes Blow the Petals from your Hand

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Warnings: none

Word Count: 4909

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During Roman’s time in the medical wing, he had a whole host of visitors.

Emile was regular of course, bringing him meals and checking in on him a few times a day - as well as their scheduled therapy every few days. Really, it was just a couple of hours of him talking to Emile about all the awful things he had experienced whilst Emile prompted him with questions. Sometimes he gave advice, told Roman about how he might be affected by something or just let him talk. 

It wouldn’t make him fully better. Emile had been transparent about that from the start, but it would help, getting things off his chest, learning about his reactions and coping mechanisms to help with them would help him even if they wouldn’t fully solve all the problems he experienced. 

It would take a lot longer than two weeks to heal a lifetime of abuse, Emile said.

Then there was Virgil, who after that first day had stopped by regularly, bringing him gifts, sitting with him, cuddling, telling him everything that had been going on whilst he had been locked away. He couldn’t wait to see it all for himself once he finally got out of here. They slept nights in Roman’s little bed and spent days holding each other and talking things through. 

There were still some things Roman found himself hesitant about, but Virgil always did his best to appease his worries and talk things through with him until everything was okay again.

Remy came by a time or two. He usually brought snacks or puzzles or other fun little things for Roman to do. It’s not like Remy told him - it’s not like he asked - but he might have guessed Remy felt guilty for being unable to help all that much whilst Roman was locked away. The games he brought for them to play were always fun though and Remy never seemed to mind explaining the rules to him - sometimes Emile or Virgil played too. Even Janus had partaken one time (he was a sore loser it turned out).

He had met someone new. Logan Aynesworth - and he was sure he recognised that name from somewhere. Janus’ not-romantic partner and the other leader of the revolution. He was a lot colder than Janus, though he wasn’t unfriendly or rude. Simply seeming more put together and in control of his emotions. Logan had talked to him for a long time, most of it being about Virgil. At times it had felt a little like an interrogation, but Roman was pretty sure he was doing it out of care for Virgil and not malice towards him. 

He was pretty sure both Janus and Logan viewed Virgil like a son. 

Janus was next. He came every few days, a little less often than Emile. It seemed he came routinely to check on all of the patients in the medical wing, not just him - which was nice to know. Every time Roman saw him, Janus said he wasn’t ready yet - it was like they were waiting for something, but Roman couldn’t quite fathom what that might be. 

That was until someone new knocked on his door. 

At this point, Roman had come to recognise who was at his door. Virgil and Emile always announced themselves, Janus and Logan knocked similarly - though Janus’ knock was more graceful - sounding like it had a flare to it - whilst Logan’s was sharper. Remy always knocked in a pattern and said something along the lines of “hey babe!” to go with it - which was… weird, but Remy didn’t mean it in a romantic way (Roman was pretty sure he said it to everyone) so he just let it go. This knock was new, though. Out of sync - a pattern kind of like Remy but with no comment to go with it. Usually they would tell him when he was supposed to be meeting someone new.

“Who is it?” Roman called from where he sat at his desk. He had been writing something in one of his journals - something he had asked Virgil to bring down for him. He kept writing as he waited for a response, but his head shot up when the door opened before he got one. 

“Hey I- oh, you, I remember you-” Roman said, eyes widening as his gaze fell on the hooded figure closing the door behind him. He remembered this guy from the catacombs, he had been standing behind Janus in his creepy cloak - the cloak, the light, the face as he fell… “You were in the catacombs that night, right?”

The stranger drooped, almost as though he had expected Roman to say something else, but what else was there to say? ‘Wow, you look weirdly like my dead brother’?

“Yep, that’s me,” he said, his tone more jovial than Roman had expected when he spoke. “How uh- how’ve you been holding up?”

“Um, fine,” Roman said, a little confused - why would he tell a stranger anything? “Getting better I s’pose - uh, why?”

“Well, glad to hear it…” He said with what Roman could only assume was a smile underneath that hood. 

“What um-” Roman shook his head. “Excuse my rudeness, but what are you here for?”

“Janny told me I gotta talk to you before he can let you out for real,” He said, “So uh, here I am.”

“...Okay,” Roman said, frowning. “And - who are you, exactly?”

“Well um, that’s the thing Janny wanted me to talk to you about,” He said, fidgeting awkwardly with a ring on one finger - a simple silver band with jade embedded. For some reason it felt oddly familiar, but Roman couldn’t fathom why right now.

“And?” Roman asked, feeling as though he was getting a little defensive now - he really didn’t enjoy not knowing who he was talking to, let alone their intentions.

“Well you’re not gonna like it,” He said, reaching for his hood. Roman raised an eyebrow expectantly. “But uh, yeah, heya, little brother.”

Roman stared at him. 

“What.”

“Look, you try and figure out a way to tell your brother you haven’t actually been dead for seven years,” Remus said, crossing his arms. “It’s taken me like a month and a half to get to this point - just- I’m sorry, this was stupid.”

“But- you- you’re dead-” Roman said, hands clenching, “You’re dead, I watched you die - I-”

He couldn’t deny what was right in front of him. It was like looking in a distorted mirror. Remus was thinner, taller, he had facial hair and his hair was longer. Roman would say it was wilder too though he was pretty sure his own hair was a state right now. That was his brother, there was no doubt about it.

“What - I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say - I-” Roman was overwhelmed just looking at him. “I saw you die - how are you alive?”

“It’s all complicated,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I - I snuck out, found someone who was willing to fake it - you weren’t supposed to be there Ro, it was faked and I’ve been with these guys ever since.”

“You…” Roman felt tears welling up. “It looked so real.”

“I know - I know it did, that was the point - I was - I wanted a maid to find me, not - not you Ro,” Remus said, taking a step closer to him. “I never wanted you to - god, it was so fucked up of me-”

Roman stared at him as he hid his face in his hands. 

“It was s’posed to be a shock, I wanted to teach mother a lesson - I wanted to ‘die’ in the best way I could,” Remus said. “I just- I couldn’t do it anymore Ro, I needed to get out and I needed to do it in a way that would teach her a lesson.” 

“It didn’t really work out, huh?” Roman said, unable to help the deadpan in his voice. Remus wilted like a trampled flower. 

“No, guess not,” He said, “I mean - my life was better I guess but yours sure as fuck wasn’t. I ruined everything for you and - Vee mentioned your nightmares.”

Roman looked away, taking a deep breath. “Course he did.” Roman sighed. 

“Look - Ro- I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I honestly wouldn’t fault you if you never wanted to see me again,” Remus said. “but just - I need you to know I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for everything - I never meant to catch you up in all of everything - just- I wanted it to just be our parents - I tried so hard -”

“I know,” Roman said, voice quiet. “I just- I always tried to remember the good parts.”

“Me too.” Remus said, uncharacteristically quiet. 

“You really didn’t mean to involve me?” Roman asked quietly, “I wasn’t there for - for the drama or something?”

“What? Obviously not - you were s’posed to have dance lessons that afternoon, remember?” Remus said, Roman stared.

“I don’t remember much about that day other than the way you looked bleeding out on the carpet.” Roman said, maybe it was a little harsh - especially when Remus winced. 

“Yeah I - I guess I can see how you wouldn’t be thinking about much else,” Remus said, looking away sheepishly. “I kept trying to get you to go, you thought I’d been hurt and I was hiding it. I think you told me that if I’d brought in another bug from the forest I could show you.”

Roman couldn’t help but a little.

“I kept telling you to go - I even told you mother needed something,” Remus said. “But you wouldn’t go - then the guy I’d hired came and it’s not like I could say ‘hey no mr assassin sir, come back next Tuesday!’ - I really didn’t want you to see it, RoRo.”

Roman took a deep breath, scrubbing his face with his hands. “You left me behind.”

“I know,” Remus said quietly. In Roman’s memories Remus was never quiet. “And I’ve regretted it every day since.”

“I forgive you,” Roman said softly, reaching for him. “You - we were thirteen and hopeless, I - no wonder. I’m glad you chose that over throwing yourself off of the balcony.”

“Hey - I’m glad you didn’t do that either,” Remus said, shrugging and giving him a small, awkward smile.

Roman smiled back. “Yeah. Me too.” After a long moment of silence, Roman spoke again. “Why didn’t you come sooner? Were you not allowed?”

“I was… scared,” it was like it took him physical effort to say the word. “That you wouldn’t forgive me, or that you would.”

“Why would you be scared of me forgiving you?” Roman asked. 

“I’ve been fueled by guilt and spite for almost seven years,” Remus huffed, “Didn’t know what I’d do with myself when that was gone.”

“Maybe,” Roman said, “You could have fun with me again? I dunno, go out to the forest like we used to? Or sneak into the kitchens and steal snacks? You could talk to me like I’m your brother and not a source of guilt for you to keep hurting yourself with? Maybe - just maybe - I wanted you back in my life this whole time - and you just-”

Roman was fully tearing up now. Quickly Remus rushed across the room, pulling Roman into a bone-crushing hug, squeezing him so tightly he could hardly breathe.

“I missed you so much RoRo,” Remus said, voice muffled where his face was buried into Roman’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry.”

“Remus - I can’t - can’t breathe-” Roman forced out through the tight hug, Remus let him go just a little and he couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Neither of them let go of the other, and it didn’t seem like they would any time soon, either. “I missed you too.”

—-

It was strange to be standing in his room again.

Virgil hadn’t been staying in his room either whilst Roman was locked away, so no-one had been up here in a while. It had gotten strangely dusty. The room was strangely dark and ominous when Roman first opened the door. 

Most of his things were still there. He had let out a sigh of relief when he found the rest of his journals and the other things he had hidden from his parents and the maids over the years. Feathers and little pretty rocks he had found and painted, pressed flowers he had taken from the garden and forest - even Virgil didn’t know about half of this stuff. 

“Wow…” Virgil said quietly. “This is quite a collection.” He was sitting on Roman’s bed, slowly flicking through a large leather bound journal. It looked like his study books, but each page of this one is lined with pressed flowers and plants. It had been something he’d spent so much time doing years ago.

“You must’ve got every plant there is around here.” Virgil said softly. Roman smiled.

“I did that when I was fourteen,” Roman said, sitting down with him. “It was - part of how I coped with everything. Just something for me to do.”

“They’re all very pretty,” Virgil said, setting the book aside. “Are you ready for today?”

“Not in the slightest,” Roman sighed as got up again, going over to his wardrobe and sighing, pushing outfits aside. “I don’t want to wear any of this. I’m - surely they don’t want me to look like a prince-”

Virgil sighed, standing up to join him, he put his hand on Roman’s shoulder. Roman practically melted with the reassuring touch. “Just pick something more simple. Here, what about this?”

He picked something out, a white suit with a red sash attached at the shoulder. Most of the clothes in his wardrobe were some mix of white with purple or gold. Roman didn’t remember why he even had this particular outfit.

“Do you think it’ll be good enough?” Roman asked, gripping the soft fabric of the outfit he had probably only worn once. His parents never really liked red - maybe it was for an outing to another kingdom? He wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Virgil said, putting his hand on Roman’s shoulder. “Red suits you anyway.”

“Is that why you kept putting me in your red cloak?” Roman asked, the tease breaking through the anxiety. Virgil’s face went pink and he laughed.

“Maybe it was,” he nudged him. “Just - put on the outfit, you’ll look great I promise.”

Roman sighed, nodding. “Thank you, my love, I appreciate it…”

“This is still bothering you, isn’t it?” Virgil said, taking Roman’s hands. “It’ll be fine, you won’t even have to speak if you don’t want to. Janus and Logan will do all the talking, and there’s gonna be guards just in case. Plus, I’ll be with you the whole time okay?”

“I know, I know,” Roman took a deep breath. “Just - what if they all hate me? I can’t - I don’t want everyone to hate me.”

“They won’t hate you,” Virgil said. “It’s so, so hard to hate you, trust me. Look, I’m not gonna lie and tell you they’ll be happy to see you at first, but once they hear everything - it’ll be okay in the end, okay?”

Roman took a few deep breaths, “Okay - right, let me change and we can go down. Thank you for coming up here with me. It… it means a lot.”

“Of course,” Virgil said softly. “I’ll wait outside.”

—-

They had to travel out to the town square with the others for that announcement that Janus had arranged. Their carriage pulled up to the dais Roman and Virgil had danced on that night at the festival. Then Janus and Logan left Roman and Virgil alone. Virgil gripped his hands as they waited for the signal Janus had warned them about - the moment they would be letting the public know that Roman was still alive and he’d have to face their anger and bitterness. He was terrified - surely Virgil could see it on his face. 

Today was a big day for announcements it seemed. It was as though half the kingdom had gathered in the plaza to hear what Janus and Logan - who were surrounded by guards - had to say. Roman himself was pretty interested too. This would involve their plans for the kingdom, of course he was interested! 

They started off with the announcement that they would be turning the kingdom into a democracy. Within the next few months a vote would be held to elect the true leaders of the kingdom, and until then Janus and Logan would be working to undo the Queen’s cruel work as they had already been doing. The kingdom would become a republic, where the people had more power than they had ever had before. 

Roman shared a look with Virgil, having the same idea. Both of them were fairly certain Janus and Logan would be staying in power for quite a while to come if the joyful shouts from the gathered citizens was anything to go by. 

The palace, they said, would remain a sanctuary. People in need would be sheltered there, anyone in need of food, a safe place to rest or even just a place to spend time with others. People would be welcome to come and go as they needed, they would be welcomed to request extra food or resources for their villages if need be. Janus promised to spare every piece of gold they could to help repair villages and feed the kingdom, re-open trade routes, form alliances, and peaceful treaties with neighbouring kingdoms. 

Roman was amazed by how much they were promising, how much they were willing to give the people. He was smiling the whole way through the speech.

“Can they really do that?” Roman asked Virgil quietly when Janus expressed that they would be redistributing the wealth of the kingdom more fairly. Virgil nodded.

“They make the rules now,” He said, putting a hand on Roman’s arm. “It’s up to them.”

A smile never left Roman’s face. Not until the topic shifted to him, anyway. Virgil squeezed his hand gently in reassurance, but it did nothing to close up the pit of dread that had opened in his stomach. 

“Now… the next item of business we must share with you all may be… controversial,” Janus began. Roman took a few deep breaths to stave off the impending panic. “The topic of Prince Roman.”

Even from inside the carriage, Roman could hear an entire crowd murmuring in confusion. 

“Although it may damage your faith in us,” Janus continued. “We believe that what we did was the right thing - we let him live.”

That was their cue. Virgil squeezed Roman’s hand one last time, before climbing out of the carriage, ever so gently pulling him behind. Roman took a shaky breath and climbed out after him. Holding tightly to Virgil's hand as he was guided up onto the makeshift stage Janus and Logan stood on. The crowd gasped as they saw him, the mutterings getting more and more hostile for the second. Roman just hung his head and pressed himself to Virgil’s side and hoped beyond everything that Janus had planned this out as well as he said he had. 

“After he was captured, both Logan and I have spent time with the Prince,” Janus continued. “We chose not to execute him on the word of Virgil Wynter, our mole, who has been with the Prince for months now. At first we didn’t believe that Roman was unlike his parents either, not until we had talked to him in person. So we wanted to introduce you all to him properly today - Virgil? You wished to speak?”

“I did,” Virgil said, not letting go of Roman, he barely even moved. “I- okay, I don’t like public speaking, or crowds, but I’m doing this for Roman, so- I have to.”

Roman tried to hide a smile where his head was ducked, he wasn’t sure if it worked.

“I started my mission back in September - it was a whole mess, but long story short I ended up his guard,” Virgil gestured to him. “I wasn’t supposed to be, but that’s how it turned out. At first like everyone else I thought he was just like them, but then he asked if we could be friends and it was… I dunno, something started changing after that, and then I realised just how much of it was an act…”

Virgil kept going. He didn’t share anything personal, nothing specific, but he told the citizens everything he had experienced, all while keeping a tight grip on Roman’s hand. By the time he was done Virgil was shaking, his eyes raking over the still unhappy crowd. Roman took a couple of deep breaths. Janus and Virgil had both assured him that he wouldn’t have to speak if he didn’t want to, but how could he not with the people of his kingdom here like this? All of them were looking at him now, clearly they wanted to hear something from him, so he raised his head to look at them all.

“I’m sorry,” he said. It wasn’t what he had meant to say, he had been running so many opening lines through his head the whole time, but when he was faced with them all now it was all he could think of. “I am so - so sorry, that I could never do anything for you all.”

“I am a pathetic excuse of a Prince,” Roman said, trying to stand firm as he looked around at the shocked faces. “I- I didn’t even know, I didn’t know how much you were all suffering at the hands of my parents - I hadn’t seen- no-one ever told me, or let me see for myself. It was - distressing, to learn how much my people were suffering. As your future king I was supposed to be someone you could rely on, but instead I was - I was locked away by my parents, unable to see you, hear you, do anything to help you no matter how much I wished I could. And now I can’t, at least - not in the way I planned. But even though I am no longer your Prince - I promise I will do everything I can to help restore this kingdom and your trust in me - I want to help, really, that’s all. I just… wish I could have been what you all needed when you needed me most.”

When Roman finished his speech he bowed his head and stepped back, half hiding behind Virgil. For a long moment, the silence stretched uncomfortably over the crowd. No-one here had seen the Prince in six and a half years. Almost no-one had ever heard him speak. Many had assumed it was out of arrogance - especially as he got older and still hadn’t been heard from. It was jarring to hear that his parents had kept him from them. It was horrifying to hear that he had been punished for caring - something Virgil had mentioned. It was… almost heartwarming to hear that he wanted to help. 

Although Roman knew that attitudes wouldn’t be settled overnight, the main feeling in the plaza seemed… hopeful. Roman felt it too. 

—-

Things only got better from there. 

By the time the election came around a month later, Janus and Logan had already done so much. Villages were being rebuilt, people who had lost everything were getting new homes, children who had lost their parents were found places to go that weren’t the cruel orphanages run by nobles for charity points. Janus put effort into finding families willing to take them in, and the number of people without a home went down drastically. 

Money was shared, nobles and old money families had much of their hoarded wealth stripped from them and redistributed around the kingdom, focusing on training a guard who would really protect the people, funding trade so that every one of their people would have the money they needed to survive. 

Just as they had promised, the castle was used as a safe place to seek help and shelter. Citizens waiting on new homes, children who were still waiting on somewhere to go, even visitors from other kingdoms who were unsure of where to go. 

Janus and Logan were, as pretty much everyone expected, selected as the kingdom’s leaders by an overwhelming majority. 

As the amount of people in need of shelter and hot food dwindled, the palace became something of a social space. 

People still came for help, of course, and help was provided as well and as quickly as possible, but many people came to the palace to talk to others, just to sit for a time and bond over a cup of tea and some freshly baked cakes. People made friends and joked and laughed and Roman thought that the palace had never felt brighter. The kingdom had never felt closer together. It really is thriving now. It felt like a dream come true. 

Roman too made good on his promise, helping when he could. He put his training to good use, once he’d learned how he put his all into going around the kingdom and helping with repairing broken down houses and building new ones. He put hours into training new knights and guards, with all of the hours of training he had done himself he had become rather good at it. It made him so happy to do all of these things for people. On top of all that… people really did start to warm up to him, even like him for the most part. He had lost his title, but he was grateful to anyone who would still allow him to help as he wished for so long. Maybe it was even better this way. 

He and Virgil had spent more and more time at Janus’ tavern - The Swallow’s Flight - as time went on. Roman enjoyed having the kingdom on his doorstep, he liked seeing all kinds of people come in and out. Janus had told them that this place had already been established as a refuge for years, so Roman saw people coming in for help even more than the Palace had. Virgil - to his surprise - liked to talk to the Patrons. Roman - also to his own surprise - enjoyed the work there, cleaning, cooking, running the bar. Once he had wrapped his head around how it all worked it had been something he had settled into quickly. 

So Janus decided that the only logical solution would be to give the two of them ownership. Virgil had been speechless when they sat down to discuss it, meanwhile Roman had almost squealed, flapping his hands up and down before crushing Virgil in a hug, making both him and Janus laugh. 

“Well I’m glad you’re both excited,” Janus chuckled when they told them that the two of them would gladly take over the tavern. Even if that meant Roman would have to live away from the palace. In fact - he was almost happier that way. The palace was a place he had been trapped all his life, any day spent elsewhere for him was a day well spent. They moved in almost immediately. 

Roman was happier than he could ever have imagined being. The people in town were starting to know him better as a barkeep than a Prince. He got to talk to people like they were all the same, he learned so much more than he ever thought was out there. He got to wake up with the love of his life every morning. He had so much that he never thought he would. Life was everything he could’ve ever dreamed. 

—-

It had been almost three years since the revolution that had changed their lives. Virgil had taken Roman to every festival since, he’d shown him how they celebrate the height of summer, the harvest. He’d experienced the Festival of the Lost - a day and night spent to remember those who had passed - and so many more traditions Roman never would have seen back in the palace. 

Of course they returned to the Spring Festival they had snuck out to before. Roman got to see it during the day too, overjoyed to see the whole kingdom so happy and joyful even if winters weren’t quite so devastating anymore. Celebrating alongside everyone was just as wonderful as it had been the first time, especially with Virgil by his side, it had always felt special. 

This year would be even moreso. They danced and celebrated like normal, Virgil and Roman and everyone else, but halfway through the night, as people danced before the lit bonfires, Virgil went down on one knee, pulling out a box in which was a beautiful ring. In an instant Roman could tell it was handmade, Virgil had been gone for a few days the week before - telling Roman that what he was doing was a surprise. Roman put a hand to his cheek and realised he was crying.

The ring itself was beautiful, with a thick band set with a piece of red jasper, cut intricately to resemble a flower - a carnation. The band itself was gold with tiny chunks of amethyst set into the metal in a detailed pattern, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Virgil’s voice was soft and full of every emotion Roman could hardly name when he uttered those four words. 

“Will you marry me?”

----

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[lefaystrent]

Me, Myself, and These Guys Who Kinda Look Like Me Ch. 4

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: Thomas/The Sides

Summary: It starts with dreams. Then Thomas starts seeing the dream people in the waking world.

Thomas doesn't know how to bring it up to anybody or if he even should at this point.

AKA, Thomas has to acknowledge the six colorful characters in the room, much to their long-awaited delight.

Ao3 Link: click here

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner is served. Thomas eats. The afternoon drags on into dusk.

The others entertain him by breaking more laws of physics. Patton hops through the back door, going in and out, playing the oddest, most endearing game of peek-a-boo at random intervals. Roman demonstrates 'sinking out'. Thomas's eyes bug out as the princely man floats down into the carpet and levitates up again in a self-satisfied twirl. Thomas swears he hears fanfare music accompanying him.

Virgil inches over to where Logan rummages around in the entertainment center cabinet. At first, he hisses at Logan not to be nosey and that he hadn't even asked Thomas for permission. Thomas belatedly says it's okay and is more curious as to what Logan's looking for.

"A distraction." Logan smirks and dives into Thomas's video game collection. With a small 'aha", he pulls out a familiar sci-fi title. "This could offer a way to engage you without overwhelming you."

Patton pokes his head back through the door. "Are you sure you're not saying that just because you want to play Portal, Logan?"

Logan's cheeks don't color, but he becomes increasingly jittery. "While I do not deny that the game mechanics and puzzles are fascinating, this is not about my interests. This is for Thomas's benefit."

"Are you sure?" Virgil asks.

"Positive."

"But are you sure, sure?"

"Redundant. You are being redundant."

"Says the guy who just said redundant twice."

Thomas moves his bowl of finished ramen onto the coffee table. He winces as he imagines what his sink must look like. He can't remember the last time he washed dishes.

"I'm not sure I'm up for gaming," Thomas admits, "but I wouldn't mind watching you guys play."

It takes another round of assurances until he convinces them. Once placated, the excitement in Logan's eyes is unrestrained. It's...pretty freaking cute in a nerdy way. Logan pulls out Portal 2 so that he can play co-op with Virgil, who is unanimously volunteered as tribute by everyone but himself.

"Fine, but you're going down, Specs," Virgil snarks.

"Virgil, this is not a competitive game. We will need to work together."

"We'll see about that."

And Thomas witnesses these guys play video games for what must be the first time in their limited lives. Delight drips from Logan as they finish the first puzzle. He looks to Virgil, eyes the size of saucers and smile toothy. "We did it!"

For once since Thomas woke up this morning, he is not the center of attention. Roman and Patton share quips and provide commentary like they're in a sporting arena. Virgil finds clever ways to be a nuisance in the game. And Logan doesn't mind any of it, too busy enjoying the thrill of playing.

Thomas feels both apart and included. He's watching from the outside, but he can come inside whenever he wants too. It's a shared sense of happiness that takes him by surprise.

Did these guys ever get lonely, even when having each other?

He spends the evening listening to the bustle of laughter and witty remarks, and he doesn't mind the noise as much as he did earlier. He wonders if these people could become his friends. He wonders if he would mind it. There's an unreserved piece of his heart, the one that has been hurt many times, that stubbornly beats and tells him it will work out.

On a whim, he retrieves his phone and sends out some texts to his friends. He messages his parents too and tells them that he's still sick but thankfully on the mend. He answers a few emails, checks on a couple of impending due dates for bills.

He thinks about other multi-player games they might like, and all the other things they've dreamed about being able to do.

Thomas has always been a dreamer. Why would it be bad to help them achieve theirs? Surely they had mile-long lists of things they always wanted to try. Shouldn't it be Thomas's responsibility to help them now that he can?

More than that, he just kinda wants to keep seeing them smile.

There's no more heavy talk that day. Thomas rests and thinks of questions he'll ask them in the future, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment right now.

He's nearly falling asleep on the couch again when Roman taps at his shoulder.

"Princes also need their beauty sleep," Roman teases. His smile is winsome and his hair does that curly swoop thing to the bangs that is unfairly perfect.

"That's what I was trying to do though," Thomas says sleepily.

"Not on the couch, you heathen. You have a wonderfully expensive bed waiting for you upstairs."

"But it's so far."

Roman puts a hand to his own chest and holds out his other hand. His poise is charming, expression indulging. "Shall I carry you then?"

Thomas honestly considers it for longer than he should.

That's way too much too soon. Probably. Maybe. Also Thomas is not a small man by any means. There's no way Roman could manage to carry him upstairs. The fantasy of being swept up into the strong arms of a handsome man is good and all until you're reminded of gravity.

"Tempting, but I should probably stretch my legs."

"Suit yourself," Roman teases. He glances to the others thoughtfully, seeing them still absorbed. Roman's jaw works back and forth absently. "Would you mind terribly if we..."

Thomas offers an understanding smile. "You guys play for as long as you want. It won't bother me a bit."

The answering ear-to-ear smile makes everything worth it.

***

When he's lying in bed curled up around his best bear Benjamin, Thomas spends the initial time not relaxing and instead straining to hear sounds from downstairs.

They had all wished him good night and promised to keep it down. They asked if he need anything, and they made him promise that he would call for them if he started feeling too sick again.

Now they were down there, chilling in his living room, the faintest of whispers. He can't hear the TV at all. Mostly he hears the whir of his ceiling fan and the wind picking up outside. Some branches scratch against the wall, and Thomas checks on his weather app to ensure there isn't a storm rolling in. It's not, it's just windy.

There's a few minutes where he hears the clatter of dishes moving in the kitchen sink. He pictures Logan rinsing out his ramen bowl. He imagines Roman trailing after him, unable to be ignored. He thinks Patton would jump in for a turn at games and he can see him sitting on the floor with Virgil, bumping shoulders while the emo failed at pretending to like it. He visualizes Remus falling through the ceiling, giving them a start and asking what they're up to. He wonders if Bowler Hat will make another appearance at some point or remain aloof.

He could get out of bed at any time and go down there, and they'd still be there. A swarm of potential excuses crosses his mind, then he dismisses them just as swiftly. He doesn't know why he wants to. He'll see them again in the morning. All he needs now is sleep.

His restless mind eventually putters out of fuel. As he dozes off, he remembers how Remus disappeared in his closet. He should have checked to see if he was in there again, but the thought slips under blankets and exhaustion. It's been a long day, and he doesn't want to think about tomorrow.

He dreams of endless hallways. He walks down corridors without paintings, without pictures, without life. There are doors, so many doors. No matter the turns he takes, they're still there, pitch black and damning.

He doesn't want to see what's behind them. He doesn't want them to open. He'll scream if they pull him in.

His legs are made of lead. He trudges through quicksand, so thick and heavy until he loses strength. He falls forward.

He falls. Falls, falls, falls until he pitches forward. Gravity reverses and he's standing up.

There are no more hallways. It's nothing but a white abyss here.

Somehow the light is more terrifying.

Thomas sits up in his bed. His heart drums a thunderous beat against his ribcage. It's a disorienting minute of stillness. Of coming back to reality piece by piece. He's not panting, but he shakes minutely in a cold sweat. His mouth is bone dry, his tongue like clumped mud.

He paws around in the bed, grabbing at the comforter. He doesn't know what he's looking for and he doesn't find anything. He just needs to assure himself that there's nothing in the bed that will get him.

The only light in the bedroom comes from the scarce glow of his digital alarm clock. It's a red hue that claims it's past two in the morning. It's the middle of the night and anything can happen.

The fear crawls up his exposed arms and neck. His nervous system warns him that he is easy prey, sitting here alone in the dark.

"Hello?" Thomas's voice is wrecked from sleep. It comes out in a pathetic rasp. He sounds so childish to his own ears, but he doesn't care. Anything to find comfort.

Movement to his left. He freezes and watches as one half of the curtains is pushed back enough to let in the distant streetlight. It's enough to partially illuminate a figure sitting in his chair by the window. Thomas squints to make out the shape.

"You rang?" a low voice croons. It oozes confidence where Thomas has none. There is the brim of a hat, the arch of a gloved knuckle. Half a face peers at him from the darkness.

"You're- you're here," Thomas says in an effort to ground himself.

"That I am."

"Is it... is it just you?" He doesn't know if he fears any of the others being here, or something else being hidden amongst them.

"It's just me, I promise."

Thomas pushes off his stifling blankets. He sits up straighter, pulling at his damp shirt collar and wiping at his mouth.

Get yourself together, Sanders.

"Did you need anything?" Bowler Hat asks, not unkindly. He keeps holding the curtain open to show Thomas he's still there. The part of his face that Thomas can see appears sharp and pale as parchment. For reasons he can't explain, it's a balm to his anxiety.

Thomas shakes his head before he truly considers the question. He takes slow intakes of breath to steady himself. "How long have been here?"

Of all the dream people, he has interacted with this man the least. He can't quite wrap his head around him. He's so...different, to say the least. As eager as the others have been about this whole ordeal, he can't see Bowler Hat reacting with the same amount of chaotic enthusiasm. Whereas with the others he had just spent an evening hanging out and playing video games, Bowler Hat seems more... professional. Adult. He doesn't know, just different.

Not to mention the guy hasn't even told him his name. How strange it is to have a man in his bedroom and not know his name. A mystery on top of mysteries.

After a lengthy pause, Bowler Hat answers vaguely, "For a bit. Are you alright?"

Thomas gives a humorless chuckle. "Just...coming back down to Earth. Bad dream, that's all."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the other says gently. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Actually... can I ask you something first?"

Bowler Hat waves his other hand towards him. Thomas almost misses the movement in the shadows, and then he takes too long to realize that it is his way of telling him to continue.

"Right, so. You know how I said I dreamt about you guys before?"

"Yes, I recall."

"Did... Do you guys... Do you control that? Can you control that? I don't think anyone said."

"You mean, are we impressing our wills upon you purposefully in your sleep?"

"Yeah, I guess that."

"...which would frighten you more? To know if we do or to know if it's out of our control?"

Thomas worries a lip between his teeth.

None of them have seemed...malicious. In fact, they had reacted wonderfully surprised to know that Thomas dreamt of them. But then the conversation carried on before Thomas could confirm the part they played in them. How much power they possessed.

They wouldn't give him nightmares, right? Not on purpose? If they did, to what end?

Thomas releases a torrent of breath. "I just want to know the truth mostly."

The curtain sways closed, and the corner settles back into lightlessness.

"No, Thomas. We were not aware that we were affecting your dreams. Nor do we have any knowledge of what those dreams entail. They are your own."

"Then why did I dream of you?"

"Why do we exist in the first place? Why did the universe create us to haunt you specifically? I wish I could tell you, but I can't."

Right, they're all in the same boat. The boat of not having answers to all the weirdness.

Whatever you do, don't rock the boat.

"I know this is random, but I feel like you should have an English accent."

A bark of laughter breaks the quiet a little too loudly. It sends Thomas reeling and he's absurdly proud of himself for a split second for making the sensible man laugh. That is until he plays back his words on repeat in rapid succession.

God, can he sound stupider?

Bowler Hat shifts in his seat, and Thomas wonders if he's smiling or grimacing. "I'm deciding to take that as a compliment."

Thomas finger-guns to cover up his awkwardness. Then he yells at himself internally because it's not like Bowler Hat can see him. For the better, really. Thomas doesn't want to seem like more of a dork that he is.

"Thomasss," the other calls to him, dragging out the 's' in a beckoning voice. Thomas sits up ram-rod straight at the change in tone.

"Y-yeah?"

"What did you dream of?"

Oh, right. He did promise to tell him. He twiddles his thumbs in circles, mules over the likelihood of changing the subject. Even if he can't see the other staring at him, he can feel the intensity. It's like a parent knowing that their kid is up to no good and waiting patiently for them to spill the beans.

Thomas spills all of his beans. "It wasn't even scary, not really. There was just this...feeling. There were all these halls and doors and I fell into...a light? It was all white. Like a giant white space. I didn't know how to get out and– I guess I just felt trapped."

"I'm no expert, but could it be your subconscious is trying to tell you something?"

"That I fear long hallways?"

"Yes. It definitely has nothing to do with six people materializing around you that you're now stuck with 24/7. That wouldn't make me feel trapped at all."

"Well when you put it like that..."

Bowler Hat gives him time to process. Rather than process, Thomas just thinks that maybe the other is unhappy with the whole situation. Could he be mad at Thomas? Since he's stuck with Thomas, and the others by virtue, does he resent him for it?

"I can see you spiraling over there. I don't recommend it."

"What do you recommend?" Thomas asks, pouting. He feels too hot and too cold, and his pajama pants are too thin to keep out the chilly air, and he wants water and for his head to stop hurting please.

Bowler Hat counters him, "What is it that you want, Thomas? How would you like to proceed? Would it be better for you, if we were out of sight and out of mind? Would you like to forget this ever happened?"

Is that possible?

Does he want that?

A surge of denial crashes into him like an icy wave. He had only just begun to understand them, to learn about them.

He doesn't want to give up just yet because he's scared.

Thomas swallows down the lump in his throat. "I want to know more about you guys. I want to know your name. I want to know how you named yourselves. I want to learn what you guys like, and I want to help you if I can."

"Help us? What do you think you can do for us?"

Thomas winces. He doesn't known if the tone is meant to be flat or come out that cutting. He feels the sharpness all the same. "Be there for you guys...the way that you guys have apparently always been there for me, even if I didn't know it. I'd like to at least try."

Seeing Logan light up like a kid on Christmas at the chance to play a video game...

Patton holding his teddy bear...

Roman holding his hands in his, elated...

Virgil so worried that they were being too overwhelming...

Thomas wants to give them more than what they've been confined to. He wants to believe that giving people a chance will never be a bad thing.

"Careful Thomas, there is such a thing as no good deed goes unpunished." Before Thomas can argue with his newfound sense of vigor and righteousness, Bowler Hat tells him, "Go ahead and take some more medicine. It looks like your fever has returned. You should try to get some rest now."

Someone has sat a new water bottle by his alarm clock along with the medicine bottle. He does in fact feel shaky for reasons unrelated to the adrenaline-spiking nightmare.

"I still have more questions though," Thomas mentions as he swallows a couple of pills.

"I'm sure you do. Just as I'm sure those can wait until after the sun has risen."

Thomas yawns. His body agrees whole-heartedly in spite of himself. He nestles back onto the mattress, covering only his cold legs with a sheet. "You still haven't told me your name though."

"Hm, I don't believe I ever offered it."

"What am I supposed to call you then?" He almost suggests the name he's been calling the other in his head.

Thomas has a limit to how many times he can embarrass himself in one night.

"Call me whatever you'd like, within reason."

"I don't want to be rude," Thomas mutters into his pillow.

Bowler Hat somehow still hears him. He gives a light scoff. "Come now, Thomas. Allow me to keep a few secrets. I don't have many things in this world that are wholly mine."

To that, Thomas has no response. Instead, he lets the relative peace of the night seep into him. He doesn't know where Benjamin is, so he cuddles a pillow under his chin. Almost imperceptibly, he thinks he can hear the other's breathing or the weak groan of the chair.

"How long are you going to stay?" Thomas asks hesitantly.

Bowler Hat is far too quiet for far too long. Thomas's eyes start to grow heavy when the other finds his words, "Just for a bit, until you're settled."

Thomas asks no more questions after that.

***

Morning comes.

Thomas creeps down the stairs. There's no need. There aren't bodies strewn about in sprawling limbs. No aftermath of a big slumber party. His playstation controllers sit neatly on the entertainment center. The TV is turned off, no lights on. No one is here.

Should he be disappointed?

His headache is blissfully gone. His body no longer feels like a broken baby bird. He could stomach an actual meal, he wagers.

The kitchen, he finds, is not how he left it. No dishes litter the sink or counter tops. Most have been washed and put away, a few remaining in the drying rack.

There's a clenching at his heart. A warmth blooms in his belly.

It takes him longer than it should to get the coffee machine up and running. He keeps looking around the kitchen wondering what he's done to earn such thoughtfulness. Extravagant gifts are nice, but the little things that show someone you cared?

Do they really care for him?

He grabs a clean mug from the drying rack and fills it up. He'll get to making a proper breakfast soon, he swears. Toast and eggs sound glorious to his famished stomach. He just wants to take things slow and savor the morning.

Thomas slides the backdoor open and sits outside. He doesn't use the two chairs he has out there on the little patio. That's what a sensible person would do. He chooses to sit right on the single concrete step, his bare toes touching the grass.

It's a rare occasion when he's awake before noon. Dawn has broken beautifully, and Thomas can't see where the sun crests the horizon because of the trees in the way. But he enjoys the orange bleeding into blue and the fluffy white clouds in between.

It's nice, to be alive.

Behind him, the door slides open once more. It doesn't surprise him so much as tension creeps into his neck and down his back. He had promised that he wants to help them, and he does! It's just...a very pleasant morning and he doesn't think he can handle all of them at once right now.

The great God above hears his prayers. It's only Patton. Sweet smiling Patton leaning out the doorway.

"Heya, sport." He must sense Thomas's mood because his voice is lowered to just above a whisper. "Would you like to greet the day with some company?"

Thomas hides a tiny smirk behind the rim of his mug because he sounds like such a dad. "Sure, just as long as you don't question my sitting choices."

"Deal!" Patton bounces down, shutting the door behind him. There's enough room for him to sit on the stoop beside him without their legs touching.

Thomas gives him a wry look. "Why not go through the door?" If he had the power to lower his effort output, he'd be using it for everything.

Patton wiggles his fingers. "Because I've got these babies! Plus, now I can use them! You don't know how many times I've wanted to try the sliding door. It's a door! That slides!"

Thomas covers up his expression with taking a gulp of coffee. He doesn't want Patton to see the marring pity there.

It was just a door.

He'd never heard something so sad.

"Feeling any better this morning?" Patton asks and Thomas jumps on the distraction offered.

"Yeah, loads. It's like I'm a human being again."

Patton throws back his head and laughs heartily. There's no sunlight that reaches them in their shady corner. If it did, the radiance beside him would be blinding. It's not even that funny of a comment. Thomas thinks he's just that happy to be talking to him.

Conceited much? his inner pessimism mocks him with its unwanted opinion.

It's true, but it doesn't need to say it.

"How 'bout you guys?" Thomas barrels on. "Did you guys....sleep okay?"

Patton scrunches up his nose ruefully. "We don't do that. Not really. The closest we come to it is when we go to our rooms and... Well, it's like we relax and zone out a little. It's super easy to lose track of time that way. We do that a lot when you're sleeping. That's where the others are now."

If Thomas didn't have to sleep... Wow, he could get so much done.

Who is he kidding? He'd just use the time staying up all night to binge watch shows he's already seen. Not that he doesn't already do that...

"Is it– does it cause you pain?" Thomas asks. He can't figure a better way to articulate his question.

"No, it's not uncomfortable or anything," Patton assures him. He slips his hand up to give a quick pat on his knee. The hand is gone before Thomas can register the contact. Patton gives a grateful smile. "You're very sweet to ask, but we're okay. I don't think any of us have felt much pain. Even when some of us have wrestled around or tackled each other. It doesn't really hurt."

"Like how you can't really feel each other?"

"Yeah, like that bud."

Did that strike too close? The last thing Thomas intends is to throw unsavory reality in his face.

"Sorry," Thomas says softly. For a few seconds, Thomas experiences the absurdly strong urge to reach out and hold Patton's hand in apology and comfort. He's always been a touchy-feely person. Hugs are his go-to, even with strangers! He loves hugs.

He just, doesn't think it's appropriate right now.

"That's okay kiddo. It's all we've known."

Impulsively, Thomas does reach out this time. He sits his mug down so fast it sloshes over, brown liquid splattering on the gray concrete. It doesn't matter. What matters is the hand in his belongs to a gentle soul who deserves better than what life has given him.

Patton falters. A confused squeak comes out and he looks back and forth between the hand resting on top of his own and Thomas. His mouth opens in a little 'o' but he doesn't say anything at first.

"I think that's a crying shame," Thomas says and he squeezes the hand in his.

Patton tries to smile but he can't quite make his lips work right. They're all wobbly. "It's alright. Really, kiddo."

"No, it's not," Thomas denies emphatically. "But it will be, I promise. I talked to Bowler Hat last night."

"Y–you did?!"

"Yeah, and I think I realized some things. The most important thing is that whatever you guys are, you're people. People who didn't get a say in any of this. But I can hear you now, and what you say matters. Whatever I can do for you, just say it. I'll try my best to be there."

Patton stutters and his eyes are watering into fat teardrops. His other hand grasps at Thomas's and squeezes for dear life. His lips pull up, a trace of a smile that is mimicked in the glittering of his gaze.

"That means a lot, kiddo." Patton says and he is visibly holding back his tears. They're getting stuck in his throat and his voice comes out weepy and kind of strangled. "I'm really happy that I get to talk to you. I'm so happy."

Thomas is happy too. The force of it rams into his chest with demanding attention, leaving him breathless. He squeezes Patton's hands back with the same ferocity and Patton looks at their joined hands, mesmerized.

"I'm glad," Thomas says and doesn't rush the other. He allows him to go through the emotional roller coaster and he holds his hand supportively throughout the entire ride.

"Oh gosh, it really is a crying shame!" Patton exclaims, wiping at his eyes.

Thomas erupts into laughter and they both descend into giggles. After a time, Thomas finally lets go of his hand, but he moves his leg closer so that their knees brush now and then.

He returns to his coffee, pleased that it's still hot. "I really like your jokes. They bring me to tears."

Patton makes a ba-dum-tss motion with sound effects and they're grinning like idiots to each other.

"Thank you," Patton sighs, coming down from his emotional high. The mirth dancing in his eyes overtakes the red-rimmed edges. It makes Thomas's insides squirm in a way he can't put into words.

If the rest is this easy, he thinks he might be able to handle it.

[jewel9887]

Intrulogical Week 2024 Day 3 Coffee

This idea was the one I was most excited to write and I tied it with day 1

Logan had heard about this coffee shop close to his college from the other volunteers at the library. He decided to try it out this morning since his morning physics class was canceled and figured he could get some studying done if the shop's atmosphere was conducive to productivity. 

Walking in, he immediately knew this would become his new favorite place to study aside from the libraries with the tables being perfect sizes and the most comfortable looking chairs and so many outlets, unlike the ones at a certain chain coffee shop. 

"Hey, Logan!"

Logan turns to see Virgil waving at him from a table by the counter where he notices Remus is behind making a complicated looking drink although he doesn't see any other customers. 

"Salutations Virgil, did you enjoy that book I suggested?" Logan asks.

"Yeah, it is angsty and weird, so perfect. I'm only halfway through it" Virgil says excitedly, almost knocking his drink over.

"Heya Lo," Remus says from still behind the counter then turning to Virgil "Dad texted and said he should be here in about 30 minutes." 

"So you're watching him while working, why could he stay with Roman and where's Patton? Logan asks.

"Yeah, Dad is a little late getting off work and so I had to bring him with me for a little while and Patton took Roman for his show & tell today," Remus says smiling.

"Patton loves taking us for show and tell, my turn was last week and next week will probably be Remus…unless he's still banned." Virgil laughs.

"Wait, banned? How do you get banned?" Logan looks at Remus with his head tilted.

"Yeah, it was nothing serious but the teachers weren't a fan of the story I told the kids even though they loved it and had asked for a part two," Remus responds while watching for any customers.

"Well if the kids loved it then it couldn't have been that bad," Logan says.

"So I'm guessing you came in for some coffee and not to hear about places I've been banned from, what would you like?" Remus says walking to the cash register.

"You are correct. A few of the people from the library recommended this place. I would like a large cold brew and a cream cheese bagel." Logan responds, choosing to ignore the plural in places…for now.

"That's kinda a boring choice," Remus says.

"it is what I like and all other drinks I've been suggested have not been up to par. Teas don't have enough caffeine and the drinks with syrups or sauces are too sweet for me while the sugar free ones give me a headache." Logan states.

"Well, what if I say I know the perfect drink for you that isn't any of those things?" Remus muses.

"Ok, you make me a drink, and if I like it don't I get to pick where our date is and you'll owe me a second date. Don't think I forgot you still owe me a date." Logan bets.

"You're on but if I win then I pick where we go and you have to try a new drink every week." Remus quickly responds holding out his hand.

"Me, Patton, Roman, and maybe even Dad can help you come up with drinks for Logan to try." Virgil chimes in from his table.

"Deal," Logan agrees, shaking Remus' hand.

"Ok, now go keep Virgil company cause I know he's dying to nerd out about his book with you and he was talking about a puzzle or something," Remus tells Logan.

*****

"Order for Mr. Hot Nerd," Remus calls out while heading over to Logan and Virgil with 2 drinks and a bag. 

"Shouldn't you stay behind the counter?" Logan asks.

"Should but didn't want to," Remus quips while sitting backward on the chair. "Here is your drink and bagel. I'm not going to tell you what it is or in it until you try it."

"Sounds fair," Logan replies, bringing the drink to his lips.

"So what do you think? Did my brother use his magic and make you the perfect drink or what?" Virgil asks before Logan can finish his first drink.

"I'll admit it. You managed to make the best drink I've had that I didn't make. It's not sweet yet it still has a hint of sweetness that kinda reminds me of my favorite jam." Logan says in disbelief. "So what is the secret?"

"I mixed cold brew with a bit of crofter loganberry jam but the details are my creative secret and it didn't hurt that Patton told us that was your kind of jam," Remus reveals smiling.

"Told you Remus has magic, he makes us the best drinks all the time and always knows what we're in the mood for including Roman whose orders tend to be over the top," Virgil says laughing.

"We both know that Roman just likes to be extra but my own drinks are truly scary," Remus responds shaking his weirdly colored drink.

"What did you make for yourself?" Logan asks curiously.

"Steamed apple juice with two shots of espresso and some random syrups I blindly picked," Remus says with a crazed grin.

 "I'd ask what is wrong with your taste buds but I still want to go on a date with you and that says more for me than it does you. So I guess you get to pick where we go, how does tomorrow in the afternoon work?" Logan suggests.

"Can't do afternoon, I have to pick up Patton and Virgil Since Roman has class at that time. Why don't we do the evening and I'll text you details later today?' Remus replies.

"That is satisfactory to me," Logan says with a smile.

"I was going to stay and study but my group mates texted asking to meet soon to finish our project so I will see you tomorrow, Remus," Logan says gathering his trash and backpack and getting ready to leave.

"It's ok, I look forward to our date, Lo Lo," Remus says as Logan heads to the door. 

"Bye Logan!" Virgil says waving.

"Hey Spider, pack up your stuff I see Dad's car pulling up, he's probably too tired to want to come in so I'll walk you out there." Logan hears Remus say to Virgil as the door shuts.

@intrulogicalweek

[sanderstime]

My Favorite Headcanons

This is mostly for AU's that don't take place where they are all In the mind of the same person. A lot of them are appearance-based. This might be a ramble but yeah here. Logan: -He's the tallest of the sides. This guy in my head would be one lanky intimidating-looking mf then you turn around and find him geeking out over a jelly brand. -He likes to slick back his hair, not like completely but with a few strands left in the front... and he only doesn't style it like that when by himself or with people he trusts.

-He wears rectangular-shaped glasses.

-He's neurodiverse, I think he is very autism-coded and that's cool so why not make it fanon y'know?

-He learns how to help people through panic/anxiety attacks specifically because of meeting Virgil.

-He takes time to learn about other people's interests, or at least the basic rundown about it so he can understand and not be confused when they talk about them (Even when he refuses to participate in those interests or doesn't like them.)

-He memorized the entire history of Crofters, it's one of his special interests somehow.

-He doesn't like weddings, but he somehow ends up being the one keeping the whole event together.

-At parties, he's basically the guy who looks after everyone. Making sure everyone whose passed out didn't hit their heads, putting spare blankets over them, and driving his friends home all while mumbling what idiots they are, but endearingly.

-he likes small get-togethers with friends but not so much big parties.

-He's the kind of guy you need to warm up too, he seems standoffish at first but he truly cares and is very kind underneath the surface,

-He's *awful* at video games that aren't tetris or puzzle games, he will always lose at Mortal Kombat/Smash Bros/Ect but despite that he gets competitive. So he tries to avoid them.

-Likes to debunk cryptid/

Virgil:

-He's very average height. He's not really tall but he isn't tiny either.

-He has dark circles normally but he puts dark eyeshadow on top of them to hide them and because he likes how it looks.

-He has his hair dyed purple, yeah no surprise but in an AU where they don't all have the same hair... I think his should be a pretty purple color.

-Definitely utilizes his piercings. He wears black studs, and really depends but I like the idea of him having snakebites. Go full emo.

-He has freckles when he's out in the sun enough to have them.

-He's gotten each of the other sides to help him touch up his hair before. Except Remus, he knows Remus would try to dye it green.

-He has a special set of noise-cancelling headphones when he wants to be left alone and another set because he's worried he won't hear his phone going off or someone break in.

-He can't cook for shit, like he burns macaroni. He tried to put a plastic plate on an oven and he can barely make ramen. -He has a ton of blankets, one for each surface he would sit on in his home. -He owns a LOT of posters, most are of punk bands and nightmare before Christmas.

-Absolutely loves Spiders and Bats, has a pet spider duh.

-Despite talking a big game, and being into spooky things, he is a huge scaredy cat. He hides behind his hands or into the body of whoever is sitting closest to him(if he trusts them)

Patton:

-Round glasses. Everyone does this already buy I love him having wire-framed glasses.

-Light brown hair. Like super light brown hair where it might as well be dirty blonde.

-Has all the freckles, the most freckles. Just give them all to him.

-He is really hard *not* to get along with, he tries to speak to everyone with kindness and treat them kindly- even if they do upset him.

-He is an excellent cook and baker, literally he makes goodies all the time and will give them away to his friends to eat.

-very supportive of his friends interests, he will be so confused but he will nod and smile and ask questions.

-He cries very easily, he'll cry at commercials, movies, shows, music videos, books, while everyone else is fine. They all support him though.

-He likes sprite. Idk he seems like a sprite guy.

-I don't have many headcanons for him

-has the most collectables or collections of any of the others.

Roman:

-I imagine him being more on the shorter side but... he's pretty damn fit. Dude does morning runs while listening to Disney songs.

-Has the best voice of all the sides.

-He has a whole ass morning routine, like a special one with detailed skincare.

-Has the curliest hair of the sides

-This dude loves singing, he sings super loud while in the shower and constantly imagines himself singing in a concert. He sings any chance he can get, in the car, suggesting karaoke nights at any opportunity.

-The type of guy to sing you happy birthday everyday the week of your birthday to make you feel special.

-When he first meets people, he will often act charming and try to befriend them. Mostly just new neighbors, coworkers, ect ect. Just is a huge gentlemen.

-really only lets loose his more chaotic side when he gets to know others.

(I'll make another post with the dark sides later, but this is my thoughts here on the main four. :) )

[snowdice]

Folds in Paper: Book 2 (Chapter 1: Reprieve) [Folds in Time Universe]

Fandom: Sander Sides

Relationships: Janus/Patton, Remus & Roman, Logan/Virgil, Roman & Patton & Logan

Characters: Janus, Patton, Emile, Remus, Roman, Logan, Virgil, Remy

Summary: Janus is trying. After spending months trapped in time with his enemy turned... something else, Janus is trying to find meaning in a world where he or anyone else could rewrite history with one simple mistake.

During his leave from the Time Preservation Initiative, the time distortions that have been causing disastrous ripples in time have not gone anywhere. His partner's past is more mysterious than ever and old and new alliances are shifting. Can Janus figure out what is going wrong with time before that time is up?

The problem with time travel… you never how long you have before the clock strikes 12.

Chapter Summary:

Things are harder, better, but harder.

Notes: Time travel AU, mystery, enemies to lovers, alcohol, sexual innuendo, character with depression, character with ptsd

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

I also have a playlist on youtube (because Spotify didn’t have one of the songs I wanted).

This is Book 2, Check out Book 1 and the other part of this series here.

“What’s this?” Janus asked when a giant bowl was set on the coffee table in front of him.

“We’re eating on the couch tonight,” Emile said cheerfully.

Janus raised an eyebrow and switched off the tablet he’d been using. “Why?” he asked, setting the device aside.

Emile shrugged and set a second huge bowl down next to Janus’s. “For fun,” Emile said. He turned back towards the kitchen and Janus leaned forward to look in the bowl. It was spaghetti with some sort of creamy sauce and a few different vegetables mixed in along with some shrimp.

“I made green tea too,” Emile said, coming back into the room with two mugs.

“Thanks,” Janus said, taking one of the mugs with a small smile.

“What were you doing?” Emile asked as he took a seat beside Janus. He nodded at the deactivated screen now sitting on the end table.

“Just playing some puzzle games,” Janus said.

“That sounds fun,” Emile said with a smile.

“Head doctor said they might be a good thing to do to pass the time when I told him to fuck off after suggesting reading.”

Emile sighed. “Dr. Figueroa is my colleague. You could try to be polite.”

“I thought I was supposed to be my authentic self in therapy,” Janus replied.

Emile just huffed and rolled his eyes. Janus couldn’t help but smile as he picked up his mug of green tea.

The last few months had been…different. In a lot of ways, Janus’s life had become harder than it had been before. It had been easy to do nothing but eat pre-prepared meals, go to work, and pass out in his empty house every day. It wasn’t good for him. He’d known it even then, but it had been easy. This was not.

Emile had offered, insisted really, that Janus move into his house for a bit just to get back on his feet. He’d taken time off of the TPI which would have been given to him anyway since he’d spent so long trapped in the past. He’d had to give a report of what had happened, and he’d mentioned Patton, but he hadn’t mentioned everything. They’d offered him a shrink when he’d asked.

Janus had told Emile he needed to tell him something about why he’d been distant, so he wouldn’t end up chickening out, but he’d asked for a bit of time to figure out what to say. He’d finally worked up the courage to talk about it with Dr. Figueroa two weeks ago. Much like with Patton, it was easier to talk to someone who hadn’t been involved in Janus’s mistake, but it still wasn’t easy.

He was running up on the deadline he’d given Emile for having that talk. It had to happen soon, and they both knew it, but Emile was just patiently waiting for him to suck it up. It felt… wrong to use his kindness without him knowing the truth, but it was also nice to get to spend time with his brother. He didn’t even dare to hope that he’d still have the chance once he told him.

He was moving back into his own house in less than a week. He’d tell him then so if Emile ended up kicking him out of his life, he wouldn’t have to kick him out of his home too.

For now though, everything was fine. Harder, more complicated, and in threat of imploding at any moment, but fine. Fine wasn’t something he’d really felt in a long time. Or at least, fine while in his own time wasn’t something he’d felt in a long time. There’d been a few moments with Patton sitting next to the fire outside the hole in the ground they’d slept in for those few months where the man would turn to look at him and he’d felt fine. Yet, Patton had been right. Those moments were unsustainable with how Janus was actually feeling deep down.

“This is good,” Janus said, after taking a couple of bites of the pasta in front of him.

“Well, I always was the only one in the house that could cook,” Emile said, and that was true. “It was either learn to fend for myself or eat a cheeseburger for every meal.”

“Hey, I had a good burger seasoning.”

“Not for every meal, Janus.”

“Meat, dairy, bread. What more could you want?”

“Vegetables, Janus.”

“You could have put pickles on them!”

“I don’t like pickles.”

“That sounds like your problem, not mine,” Janus argued.

Emile shook his head, turning his eyes to the ceiling. “How have you been surviving on your own?”

“Well, I mean,” Janus said. “Badly.”

“Right…” Emile said. He leaned over to bump their shoulders together. Janus flashed him a smile.

“Speaking of,” said Janus. “Could you physically force me to pack tonight? I meant to do it today and instead I ended up playing puzzles games.”

Emile chucked. “Sure, I’ll help you after dinner.”

“You don’t have to help me,” said Janus. “Just make me do it.”

“Maybe I want to help,” said Emile.

“Oh, yes, packing. The most entertaining of Thursday night activities.”

Emile hummed and then glanced at him. “Remember when you helped me pack for college?” he asked.

“Mmm, I do,” Janus replied.

“I was so stressed about going somewhere new,” Emile said, “that I avoided packing for weeks. Every time Mom would ask me how packing was going, I’d tell her it was going fine but in reality, I hadn’t even started. You came home two days before I had to leave because you were going to help me move into my dorm. It’s like you could sense no packing had been done the moment you stepped through the front door.”

“You were doing your ‘hiding the broken horse statue from mom’ shuffle,” Janus said with a smirk.

“Well, you walked me straight to my room and we packed everything up in those two days,” Emile said. “You made it so much easier.”

“Yeah, because I hovered over you until you did it and did half of it for you,” Janus snorted.

“It wasn’t just that,” Emile said. “You also found the music streaming station run by the university and put that on and talked about what your freshman year was like. You also had tips on what things I should and shouldn’t pack when moving into the dorm.”

“You still took all of the cartoon character stuffed animals despite my advice.”

“I thought there’d be more space on the bed,” Emile frowned.

Janus snorted.

“But anyway, just having someone else around made me happier. It wasn’t just about the workload being halved either. You being there made me feel less lonely and reminded me I’d always have someone to come back to.”

Janus internally winced. He was sure Emile hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty in any way. In fact, he probably was trying to do the opposite, but him saying that just reminded Janus that it hadn’t been true. Janus had abandoned him for literal years and hadn’t been someone he could always come back to.

The last few months, Emile had proven himself to be at least close to who he was before Janus had messed with time. There were a couple of differences here and there, and Janus could not be sure if they were from him changing time or from him avoiding his brother for the past three years and him naturally changing. Most memories they shared that Janus cautiously brought up or Emile mentioned on his own were consistent with what Janus remembered, but he hadn’t pushed too hard or dug too deep. It just made him feel more guilty about avoiding the man for so long.

It made him want to ignore the man more, because it seemed every choice Janus ever made only hurt him.

…

Well, perhaps not the college radio station when helping an anxious 18-year-old pack up his childhood bedroom.

He should probably tell Emile that his words made him feel guilty because that was obviously not the intention and he’d want to know. He should probably apologize properly for leaving him alone for three years without an explanation. He should probably provide an explanation for those three years.

He should probably go see the head doctor again soon.

(He should probably stop calling Emile’s colleague who was in the same field as him a head doctor derogatorily in his head.)

For now, he just glanced at Emile. “You’re trying to bully me into letting you help pack with logic, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Emile confirmed without remorse.

“Fine,” Janus sighed, “but only if you let me do the dishes for you.”

Emile took a long moment to consider the offer. “You drive a hard bargain,” he said, “but okay.”

“And no doing anything sneaky like getting bags ready for me on your own while I’m doing it or the deal is off,” Janus said.

“You always think of all possible loopholes, Janus,” Emile sighed.

There was a long silence.

“Agree, you prick,” said Janus.

“No promises,” Emile replied cheekily with laughter in his eyes, and things were good for a moment more.

[delimeful]

July 2023 Patreon Previews

Here is the end of month summary for July! :D

give me mercy no more (1)

preview:

“You can’t do this.”

Janus paused for the briefest moment at the sound of his closest friend’s voice, before continuing to pack away rations.

“Can’t I?” he asked airily, not turning around to face Virgil.

He’d known this confrontation was inevitable since they’d come up with the only possible solution to their kingdom’s problem. He hadn’t realized how unprepared he’d feel even now, with the hour of tribute rapidly approaching.

est. release date: September 16, 2023

(link)

-

just a little rush (1)

preview:

Patton wiggled his shoulder through the bars and craned his neck, straining to get a good enough angle to see the other half of the clock across the room.

Enough of the clock’s face was visible that he could guess the time most of the day, except for the stretch of time in which both the hour and minute hands were out of sight. Patton wasn’t usually overly concerned about the loss; Normally, it didn’t really matter either way.

Now, when it had been what felt like ages since he’d last seen Remus, it mattered a lot more.

Of course Remus had chosen the most inconvenient timing possible to stage his latest escape attempt. Patton would smile if he wasn’t so worried.

est. release date: September 23, 2023

(link)

-

a little trust (goes a long way)

preview:

Fidget knew it was a bad idea from the very start.

He shouldn’t even have entertained such a ridiculous notion for a moment, and yet somehow he’d not only done so, but he’d also allowed it to roll around in his mind until it became an entire, fully-fledged plan.

A plan that was absolutely going to get him killed.

He was crouched in the shadows of one of the supply stacks sitting on the edge of the second level, meaning he had a perfect view of the containment yard and its current resident.

(link)

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every good intention (4)

preview:

Roman had been thinking.

Contemplating, really. There were a surplus of mystifying elements to consider as of late, especially now that he’d found out about Logan and Anxiety’s secret tryst.

(He was fairly certain that platonic cuddling between a repressed nerd and an awkward emo didn’t actually qualify as a tryst, but it sounded much more dramatic that way.)

He was no Logic, but as a charming and exceptional denizen of Thomas’s mind, he naturally had wits aplenty of his own.

And so arrived his realization: When it came to the puzzle that was his interactions with Anxiety the past few weeks, there was a pattern.

est. release date: September 30, 2023

(link)

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to know that song (and all it’s words) (10)

preview:

“You hurt him,” Patton said, and he barely even recognized the sound that came out of him as his own voice.

Whatever the leader alien was saying was lost to the distant buzzing in Patton’s head. Logan’s response made it through, just barely. His voice had dropped into that icy pitch that meant he was well and truly angry, an ominous tone that made something primal and hunted in the back of Patton’s mind shiver to life.

Be ready, it said. We’ll have to fight soon.

est. release date: October 7, 2023

(link)

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the roots of something greener (1)

preview:

The first time the child found him, Janus was already in a foul mood.

The day had started out with a light drizzle, and as the hours crept by, it had slowly grown into a far more irritating downpour.

This wouldn’t have been anything near a problem for most fae, and certainly a meager handful of years ago, Janus would have hardly spared it a fleeting thought. Even if he didn’t care to waste any magic on a simple repelling spell, he could have simply slipped between realms, abandoning that particular stretch of human land until the storm passed.

Now that he was banished and bound, however, his options were far more limited.

est. release date: October 14, 2023

(link)

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just a little rush (2)

preview:

Remus hated to admit it, but Pattycakes had been right.

He definitely should have waited a little longer before trying for his next escape attempt.

It was the woulda-coulda-shoulda sort of regret that he didn’t usually waste time on. He was well aware of how many of his plans were bonafide bad ideas, and he generally went through with them anyhow.

The alternative was letting the fire ants under his skin grow more and more intolerable until he ended up doing the dumb thing anyway, but even more recklessly. It wasn’t so much a ‘choice’ as it was a ‘delay of the inevitable’.

After all, he was the only one getting hurt in the end, right?

est. release date: October 21, 2023

(link)

-

WIBAR Intermission: Visiting Home (1/3)

preview:

Despite the tension buzzing at the back of his skull, Virgil found that being planetside again was surprisingly… nice.

He would have preferred that it was an uninhabited area— or at least, that it wasn’t one of the only places in the universe that had aliens he really, really couldn’t afford to terrify— but he couldn’t deny that feeling the ground under his feet and the sunlight on his skin was soothing, a balm he hadn’t known he’d needed.

It wasn’t the same as Earth, not really, but Patton’s home planet was close enough to familiar that he found tension seeping from his overwrought muscles despite himself.

He shook some of the dazed contentment off, flicking a glance over his shoulder and reminding himself that if any of the locals saw him, it could spell Capital-D Disaster.

est. release date: October 28, 2023

(link)

[clinically-obssessed]

A New Interpretation of the Puzzle Pieces Song

It's been over a year since I actually watched the episode the Puzzle Pieces song comes from, but it came up on my Spotify yesterday, and listening to it again I realized just how messed up it is. I think the song is foreshadowing Roman's break from the group in a big way. Though on a surface level it seems like it reinforces the group's friendship and helps them talk through their problems, a closer reading reveals the cracks beneath the facade and how Roman in particular is being ignored.

To begin with, the song is started off by Roman, who is responding directly to the conflict between himself and Logan. The lyrics are related clearly to the immediate situation before them, and Logan's initial interjection ("Another song? Really?") demonstrates that the conflict between them has not yet been resolved (which is, of course, the purpose of the song). However, Patton and Virgil immediately jump in and start talking about their own problems, distracting from the original conflict and drawing all of the attention to themselves. After each of their verses, Roman gives a spoken expression of pity, showing that the two have successfully deflected the attention to themselves. I'm sure you guys have met those people who have to make every problem pertain to them somehow. If you ever talk about something you've dealt with, they'll start talking about how they had to go through something even worse. That's the vibe I'm getting from this song's structure.

Next, we come to Roman's part, which he prefaces by asking permission to join in. It's his song; he started it to address his own conflict, and the others have completely taken over and made it about them. He then tries (albiet in a tactless manner) to express his frustration with the group "not getting" him, likely a response to the fact that they've commandeered his song and paid little attention to what he was trying to say. Thomas, Virgil, and Patton then start psychoanalyzing him. They blame his feelings on the fact that he is feeling "low" rather than entertaining the possibility that they could be at fault too. This, of course, only serves to exacerbate Roman's frustration. This, too, can be understood more clearly when you think about your own life. Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone and, rather than respond to what you are actually saying, they just start talking about you as a person? We've all met armchair psychologists, and they can be really annoying because they never seem to listen. That's what's going on with Virgil, Patton, and Thomas - they have already decided that Roman's attitudes toward them are a result of some deeper psychological state and not because of their own failure to listen to him.

Finally, I want to address three passive-aggressive remarks from the trio of terror which highlight their devaluation of Roman.

"In almost any case, we embrace you" - The way "almost" is emphasized in this sentence draws attention to the fact that the group's acceptance is conditional, and there are exceptions. If someone said this to me, my first thought would be "almost any case? What does that mean?" Of course, in real life, almost every relationship will be conditional (would you still be friends with someone if they murdered your family?), but you wouldn't feel the need to emphasize that unless you wanted them to watch their behavior. Roman hasn't done anything seriously worthy of scorn, so they mustn't be too concerned with him violating those conditions, unless either they have much more strict & overreaching requirements of Roman than they are suggesting or they simply want him to believe he should not speak out about his feelings.

"No one hates you" - "Not hate" and love are two very different things. It reminds me of when people say "Yeah, I can tolerate your sexuality, but don't do it around me." It has that connotation of grudging pseudo-acceptance. Yeah, Roman, we think you're an annoying sad-sack, but at least we don't hate you.

"Everybody has flaws, but with no you at all, I'm incomplete" - The phrasing of this is ambiguous. Is "everybody" referring to Roman or Thomas? I think the most obvious interpretation is that "everybody has flaws" refers to Roman's supposed negative emotions, but the second half of the sentence is referring to Thomas on the whole, which implies that "everybody" could also be referring to Thomas. If read this way, it seems like a real backhanded compliment, as he is essentially calling Roman a flaw. It's how you'd expect him to talk about the Dark Sides.

Now, this more cynical reading of the song is clearly not the interpretation most people (myself included) would have on the first listen. Someone who disagrees with this interpretation could argue that the song really is supposed to be uplifting and resolve some of the tension between the characters. There are a few major points of objection that I anticipate:

The song is not Roman's specifically and was always intended to be about all of the characters. The strongest evidence for this is that at the end of Roman's first verse, he states that "we lash out at our loved ones / disregarding our bond's sanctity", a line which suggests that the song's overall topic is about friendship and working through emotions that may challenge it. Read in this light, it is practically an invitation for the others to chime in with their own verses pertaining to that topic. However, I would point to the centrality of Logan's objections to and within the song (as Logan's conflict with Roman was the original thing that triggered it) as evidence that really it is supposed to be about the direct conflict between Roman and Logan. Furthermore, the fact that Roman is the only character who asks permission to sing is a deliberate detail that demonstrates his own feelings of ostracism, even though he is the one who started singing in the first place.

The other characters are right about the reason behind Roman's lashing out. After all, the beginning verse of the song frames the issue as one that is about "lashing out at loved ones" because "the problems at play are not all plain to see," which encourages a more psychological reading of Roman & Logan's conflict. When he objects to their characterization of his actions as a consequence of his sadness, he responds with typical tough guy responses because he is trying to save face. With that being said, I am still inclined to see it as a way for the others to avoid admitting wrongdoing and sweep his feelings under the rug. It is undoubtedly true that Roman said what he did because he feels bad, but the reason he feels bad is not obscure at all because he says it outright - it is because he feels like the others don't get him. Rather than engage seriously with this point, however, the others immediately become defensive. Though he formulated it in a way that comes across as arrogant ("I'm just too fab for you fools"), what he said is not a grave insult. The other three deliberately focus on the first part rather than his real point ("I feel like you don't get me"). Furthermore, the initial statement that the problems at play are not all plain to see may not refer to the fact that they are not clear to Roman himself, but rather that the rest of the group fails to see them.

The three "passive aggressive" statements are being read uncharitably and are simply responses to what they perceive to be Roman's issue. The others seem to believe that Roman thinks they are out to get him, and that is why they say that they embrace him and no one hates him. The flaw being referred to in the final quote is Roman's flaw of being overly paranoid, and the second part of the lyric is intended to reinforce that Roman is still part of the group. At best, though, this still demonstrates that the others are not listening to Roman. His issue is not that he thinks they hate him, it's that he feels misunderstood, and Virgil, Patton, and Thomas seem to have overreacted. The inclusion of "almost" is still weird. The line could easily have been "No matter what you say, we embrace you" or "No matter what the case, we embrace you." The qualifier of "almost" did not have to feature at all, but the delivery of that lyric places so much emphasis on that particular word.

To sum it all up, I think the song "Puzzle Pieces" is foreshadowing a greater conflict between Roman and the rest of the group, perhaps even suggesting that he will duck out. Though it has a seemingly innocent and wholesome theme about friendship and acceptance, a closer look reveals that these are being used to cover up the flaws within the dynamic and avoid seriously confronting Roman's feelings.

[the-ultimate-nobody]

Ordem Paranormal x Sanders Sides that literally no one asked for

Let's get y'all up to speed. "Paranormal Order" (Or Ordem Paranormal) is a RPG tabletop game that has horror and puzzle-solving genre. Not much fighting but depends on the campaign. I won't info-dump here since that's not what I'm going through.

In OP, there are these things called elements/entities of the paranormal/whatever the occultist uses. And me, a categorizing nerd, I have placed each of the sides with one of the elements with explanations.

There are Five elements; Blood, Knowledge, Chaos, Death, and Fear.

Let's get the two obvious out of the way:

Patton: Blood

(*Dead stares at the camera*) This element is literally "Feelings". The blood that flows within the "Other Side". This entity is pleased by any intensity of feelings that it comes across... Come on, my guy, it makes sense. (As such as life, these things are like pokemon weakness/strength. Blood surpasses Knowledge)

Logan: Knowledge

(*continues dead stares at the camera*) "To know everything is to lose everything." A quote from the official book/wiki. Same with Patton, this doesn't really need an explanation. This entity is about discovering and learning about everything. Funny that; Knowledge overrides Chaos

And now the 2nd easiest

Remus: Chaos

(*Continues to dead stare*) Remus fits this entity to a T. It's unpredictability, the unfiltered energy that he gives off, and the unexplained nonsense he sometimes say out. Chaos is kinda built different, since it doesn't follow its own logic. Sometimes, Remus will help (in his own way) or sometimes he'll see how the shit goes out for his entertainment. Who knows. Only Remus does. Chaos shouts over Death

Our beloved Anxeity, Deceit, and pure, heroic Light Creativity... the three hardest I have to think about in terms of OP entities.

Virgil: Death

Don't let the word scare you. This Entity is about Time, mostly. It runs in the OP so everything in existence has a place to end. Every story has an ending and this entity is there to see. It. Through. The reason I put Virgil in Death is purely because the others don't show anything like it? Someone can research and try to connect the dots that my brain is trying to connect. Death in OP already has a black/gray color scheme. Death overpowers Blood

Roman: Death

Roman was originally put with Remus into Chaos, but the more I think about it, the more Death seems to fit him a bit more. Roman doesn't have the chaotic energy that either has. But, according to the wiki, Death entity revolves things around itself. Telling things that there's a limit and there's more things to do. Kinda reminds me of that one video, yeah? Death ignores Blood

Janus: Blood and/or Knowledge

You thought I would put Janus in Fear? Nah, Janus is a wild card, same with the other two above. In OP, you can switch elements but kinda have to stick with one. I'm stuck between the two entities for Janus, without making him into a monster. Blood, sure, emotions but it's where he kinda need it and Knowledge (Ignoring that Knowledge entity is known for being yellow) the vibe of it fits the darn snake. I'll let yall do your research if you've read this far. Janus is so hard to categorize without his literal reason of existence.

BONUS:

(c!)Thomas Sanders: Fear

Purely, because, Fear is the entity that powers all the other elements. Without it, the "Other Side" won't function. But no person can get Fear and continue being sane. For all I know, putting Fear in him would make him a monster so the protagonists of the campaign have a reason to gain victory.

Poor lil Sides, what happens if you have to kill Thomas yourselves? Hm? What a tasty idea...

(If anyone in the Ordem Paranormal fandom seein' this, uh, shut up)

[hes-as-stubborn-as-ever]

Here's a bunch because they make me ill too, will probably add more on later because I never stop thinking about them

they began hanging out regularly after My Negative Thinking, they still do debates sometimes

logan likes to talk and virgil likes to listen so logan infodumps about the things he likes while virgil silently watches

before virgil was accepted logan used to be the one to take care of any spiders that got in, he used to just take them outside but then he learned of virgil's love for spiders and started giving them to him

they play chess together sometimes

they both make sure the other is taking care of themselves

they both don't get enough sleep so they started sleeping in the same room, they found each other's presence very calming so it eventually lead to them cuddling at night

their silent communication is so good they can tell exactly how each other are feeling just by looking them in the eyes

the first time virgil genuinely smiled at him logan blue screened

they're the you-know-me-better-than-i-know-myself trope come to life

logan grew attached to virgil before even patton did in season 1, but he'd never admit it

the itty-bitty-butterflies-in-my-tummy-and- sunshine-in-my-heart line in MNT was gross to them because it's how they felt about each other, and they both hate trying to understand their feelings

logan is in denial of his feelings and virgil is a tsundere so it takes awhile for them to realise 1: what they're feeling is romantic, 2: it's mutual

logan's room helps with calming strong emotions and having clearer thoughts so virgil hangs out in there when he's too stressed

logan starts listing off all of virgil's important roles so quickly in AA part 1 because he'd been silently oberving virgil for awhile then, at first he tried to say it was just because he was curious of the darker side but we all know better

logan yearns like no one else

virgil eventually asks logan out through one of the puzzles he gives him, but logan Does Not Get It at first and then wakes up in a cold sweat weeks later like "OH NO WAIT HE LIKES ME BACK-"

they like talking about aliens together, virgil likes the conspiracy theory side of it while logan likes thinking about it more scientifically

just like the fanfictions say, they stargaze together

guys please tell me YOUR analogical headcanons, i am YEARNING for more new analogical content

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

Support System

A sequel piece to Medicated (I would suggest reading that first)

Word Count: 1572

Rating: Gen

Paring: platonic DLAMPR

Warnings: talk of anxiety disorders and anxiety medication, oh and Remus falls down the stairs on purpose

No angst, only fluff.

Stop using Virgil angst to demonize anxiety medication (or any medication) 2k22

~~~START~~~

Virgil had been distant recently. Patton couldn’t blame him, of course, Thomas starting on anxiety meds must have been hard on him; but that was all the more reason to reach out, to make sure his kiddo knew that he — that everyone — was here for him.

Patton knocked on Virgil’s door just after lunch — Virgil had declined coming to breakfast and lunch when Patton had tried earlier, but he was hopeful this time. After a minute without a reply, he knocked again. He was about to knock a third time when the door opened a couple of inches. Virgil peered out through the opening.

“Hi kiddo!” Patton greeted brightly; this was the first time Virgil had opened the door today, it was a good sign.

“Hey, Pat,” Virgil responded, his eyes flickering searchingly around both Patton and the hallway. Patton would be worried, but Virgil actually looked well rested — maybe the anxiety meds were finally kicking in. “Did you want something?”

“I wanted to remind you about movie night tonight! And, if you’d like to, Logan and I were about to start on a puzzle and we’d love for you to join us.”

Virgil hesitated. “Um, maybe. Uh, Patton?” He asked, visibly amping himself up for whatever he was about to ask. “What, um, how…”

Patton waited patiently for Virgil to collect his thoughts. He could wait as long as his dark strange son needed — besides, Logan could start the puzzle without him.

“You’re allergic to cats?” Virgil finally managed.

Patton titled his head. That wasn’t exactly the question he’d been expecting — and he suspected it wasn’t even the one Virgil meant to ask.

“I am,” he confirmed, waiting for Virgil to ask the rest.

“How badly? Like, could you, um, does it hurt?”

“Oh, well it wouldn’t kill me or anything, but my eyes get all red and itchy, and my throat gets itchy and I start coughing, and my nose gets runny,” Patton thought for a moment before adding “and my skin itches wherever they touch me.”

“Oh,” Virgil didn’t seem to like that answer, shrinking in on himself slightly.

“Why do you ask?”

“Um…” Virgil knelt down and grabbed something off the floor that Patton couldn’t make out before he was straightening up and opening the door wider. He held up a black mass, keeping it a safe distance from Patton.

Patton stared at the mass. Wide green eyes stared back.

The eyes blinked.

“Is that… a kitty!” Patton squealed, using all his self-control to keep from jumping up and down or making any other movements that might be startling to the small animal.

“Mew,” the cat responded, seemingly content to be held out like Simba.

“Yeah,” Virgil answered, bringing the cat back to hold it against his chest. “This is Prozzy, she, uh, I think she came from the meds.”

“Really? Hello, Prozzy,” Patton whispered, reaching his hand out for the cat to sniff, once she headbutted it, he started scratching at her ears. “Are you here to help Virgil with his anxiety?”

“Pat!” Virgil hissed urgently. “Your allergies!”

“Aww, I’ll be okay, kiddo. Besides, she feels different — not so itchy.” It was true, Prozzy was soft, and the only tingling sensation in his fingers came from her steady purrs. “So, I take it that the meds are working?”

“Yeah,” Virgil smiled that soft, somewhat dopey smile that he only ever got when he was really happy.

“I’m glad. Would you like to puzzle with me and Logan? You can bring Prozzy.”

“Sure.”

Logan was in the middle of sorting the puzzle pieces into piles (edges, blues, greens, reds, visible patterns, whites, etc.) when Patton entered the common room with Virgil. He was relieved that Patton had managed to get Virgil to come out of his room as Logan wanted to monitor his behavior — after all, if the meds didn’t seem to be helping Virgil, then Thomas might want to speak to his therapist about changing either the dosage or the prescription — he didn’t look up from his task, though; he was almost done.

What really caught his attention was something batting at his shoelaces beneath the table. He tore his attention away from his task and peered under the table curiously.

He found a small black cat using his shoelaces as a toy.

“That’s Prozzy,” Virgil explained before he could ask. “She chases away the bad thoughts.”

“Ah,” Logan responded. It wasn’t quite a full answer, but it did explain who the cat belonged to. “She is attacking my shoelaces.”

“Your shoelaces have bad vibes,” Virgil answered matter-of-factly.

Logan blinked. ‘Vibes’? He was pretty sure he had a vocab card for that. He pulled the stack of cards out of his pocket as Virgil and Patton both took seats at the table, Prozzy got bored of Logan shoes and jumped into Virgil’s lap instead.

Ah, here it is. ‘Vibes • /vībz/ • informal • : a distinctive feeling or quality capable of being sensed’. My shoelaces have a bad feeling? Wait, I think I have a vocab card for that too.

“Thank you, I stole them from the President,” Logan finally responded, holding up the second vocab card to punctuate his point.

Virgil let out a snort — which he didn’t think was the appropriate reaction, but he could be wrong — while Patton let out a horrified gasp.

“Logan!” He scolded in full morality-dad-mode. “Why would you steal Joe Biden’s shoelaces?”

Logan blinked a second time and glanced at the card. “I may be mistaken,” he said slowly. “But I believe that the intention is that I stole shoelaces from Barack Obama, though I am not entirely certain, nor do I know why I would want to imply that I did such a thing when I did not.”

Virgil was having a full-blown giggle fit by now, and while Logan still wasn’t quite sure why, he was relieved that Virgil’s demeanor seemed to be positive. Hopefully the medication was doing its job in helping both Thomas and Virgil maintain a calmer, healthier state of mind.

They managed to finish a good 2/3rds of the puzzle by the time the others began trickling in for dinner.

Remus entered first, falling purposefully down the stairs in a way that likely would have caused death if a real person had done it. He hopped up from the prone position he’d landed in and froze, his eyes fixated on the Prozzy.

“KITTY!” He shrieked loudly, causing Patton, Virgil, and the cat to jump. He took a running start before falling to his knees and sliding the rest of the way to Virgil’s chair. “Can I pet her?”

Virgil, who’d taken the more defensive position of standing on his chair and holding Prozzy close to his chest out of Remus’s reach, thought for a moment.

“Okay,” he decided, carefully lowering himself and the cat back into the chair. “But you have to promise not to hurt her!”

“I won’t,” Remus promised seriously before he reached out to gently pat the kitty’s head. “Hello, pretty. Are you a good kitty kitty? Cutie kitty kitty.”

Prozzy began to purr and the Duke’s tentacles appeared out of excitement. He wrapped them around the table and chair legs to keep them from being too unruly. He even wrapped one around Virgil’s leg by accident, but for once, the Anxious Side didn’t seem to mind.

“So soft,” he continued. “I want to bury my face in your fur until I suffocate and die.”

“Please don’t,” Patton whimpered.

“I didn’t hear something about a cat,” Janus drawled, rising up in the doorway to the kitchen. “It definitely sounds like a good idea to have one running about with Patton around.”

“Aww I’m fine kiddo!” Patton smiled. “Medication cats are hyperallergic, apparently.”

“Hypoallergenic,” Logan corrected as his brain caught up with the rest of Patton's words. “Wait, ��medication cat’?”

“Yeah, I think she’s kinda the manifestation of Thomas’s anxiety meds,” Virgil explained as Janus’s curiosity drove him closer.

“Fascinating. I would not have predicted this, though in hindsight–”

“Your Prince has arrived!” Roman declared, rising up in his usual place by the TV.

“Roman!” Patton greeted.

Remus detached two tentacles from Virgil’s chair, one to wrap around Janus’s leg and one to wrap around Roman’s.

“Leech,” Roman commented lightly, lacking any venom or annoyance.

“As I was saying,” Logan cleared his throat. “In a way, it makes sense that Thomas’s medication would manifest in the Mindpalace as an emotional support animal for Virgil. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.” He added mostly to himself.

“It does?” Virgil asked curiously.

“Of course. There are many ways to treat an anxiety disorder; two of the major treatments that Thomas utilizes are seeking professional help, and taking medication. Neither of these options are viable to Virgil, as one of Thomas’s personified personality traits, so the Mindpalace turned Thomas’s methods into a third one that is easier to conceptualize: an emotional support animal. Prozzy is a visual representation of the effectiveness of Thomas’s treatments.”

“You named your cat after Thomas’s meds?” Roman asked.

“If you’re gonna judge then you’re not gonna get to pet her,” Virgil snipped.

“Noooo!” Roman whined, draping himself over Virgil’s chair to scratch at Prozzy’s ears.

“I’m so glad the meds are helping, kiddo!”

“Yeah,” Virgil smiled. Prozzy placed her front paw on Virgil’s chest and butted her head on the underside of his chin. “Me too.”

~~~END~~~

Shoutout to @cephy-the-squid for suggesting the name Prozzy (short for Prozac) for Virgil’s ESA. I am absolutely going to change the cat’s name every time I use her (speaking of which here’s another one of my fics with Virgil having an ESA, it’s Anxceit)

If you give Virgil an ESA pls tag me I want to see it 🐶💜🐱

General taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @knight-shives

[sidespromptblog]

What to Do?: Chapter 2

One, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

Summary: Logan realizing that his first mistake was seeing the other sides as anything other than coworkers. They weren't a family. They didn't even like each other. How had he not realized sooner?

Warnings: General anxiety, hurt/comfort, angst, and hurt feelings. 

Word Count:  1,803

Logan could feel the tug in his gut of the others clearly trying to summon him into the centerpiece of the mindspace. For a split second he felt a jab of fear racing through him as he pondered whether or not he should actually go to them, they wouldn’t be happy about the decision he had decided to make for himself. If anything they’d probably be most cross with him about it, or… or perhaps they’d laugh at him. Say that it was ridiculous that he was trying to appear so professional with all the things that they knew about each other. 

Yeah… they would most definitely try to laugh it off to clear the air, and to make him go back on his decision. To undermine his boundaries, and make him second guess himself when it came to this. 

But he wouldn’t… he couldn’t.

Not about this, and most certainly not now. He had already talked himself into doing this, and he wasn’t going to let his imagination run away with him about it either. 

He had made up his mind. 

“Logan…” He could hear Patton referring to him. 

“Logan.” He could hear Roman talking. 

“Logan..” He could hear Virgil mumbling. 

Logan’s fingers curled into his hands, and he could feel his temper flaring up before he even attempted to stamp it back down. “Shut up!” He snarled to himself, raising his hands to his ears as to block out the sounds of his name that came from inside his head. A part of him felt like sobbing, like curling up in a corner and just admitting defeat so that it would just make it all stop. But he couldn’t do that, and he knew that he couldn’t do that. There was too much work to be done… “Just stop!” 

Logan. Logan. Logan…

Logan!

This could not wait another day, no matter what Logan tried to tell himself it just couldn’t. He needed to set things straight, and get it down with the others so they at least understood where he was on the matter, no matter how much it hurt their feelings. In the end, it would at least make him feel better, and hopefully… hopefully things would at least change then and he’d be listened to. 

Even if it was only a little bit. 

Straightening his back, and forcing his hands back down to his sides Logan rose up in the living room biting his tongue the entire time. He would only have to endure his name in their mouths for just a little bit longer, they might not listen, but at least they would know. And that’s literally all that he needed from them, it didn’t matter if they got upset or refused. 

Because this was for him, not for them. 

“Logan!” Virgil’s head whipped away from Patton and Roman, and to where Logan was standing. “Are you okay?” The anxious side tried to ask it cooly, but everyone could see his hands fidgeting with the loose threading strands of his sleeves. The anxiety he had felt coming off of Logan in waves had all but vanished the moment that he had arrived, and it had done very little to lessen Virgil’s own anxieties about the subject. His gaze seemed to look everywhere but Logan for an instance, before he finally willed himself to look at the logical side.  “You seemed kind of anxious, and we were…” The words that were right on Virgil’s tongue died in an instant upon seeing the look on Logan’s face. 

None of them had exactly gotten a chance to talk to Logan after his whole run in with Remus, but right then and there… Virgil wished that he had been there from the very start. To help Logan, and to help the logical side come to terms with the fact that his schedule hadn’t exactly been followed. 

He wished… he wished that he had done something. 

Because…

Logan didn’t look cold, he didn’t even appear to be disinterested in them like he had in the past when it came to discussing Roman’s daydreams or plans. He just looked…

Well it was weird, but he looked oddly polite. 

Like a stranger waiting for someone to stop talking, so that he could speak his business. 

Virgil swallowed thickly, “Deceit?” He merely asked, looking Logan up and down as if trying to spot any inconsistencies of the other side’s attire. 

There was nothing.

And Logan slowly shook his head, his eyes remaining trained on Virgil steadily. He looked calm, the farthest thing from the side who used to scream falsehood at him and anyone who tried to lie to his face. His hair was a windswept mess, and his clothes even messier. With his tie loosened and the collar to his shirt unbuttoned by a single button. And it was that alone that sent alarm bells off in Virgil’s head, because despite all of that… Logan was here. He was calm, he was collected, and there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with him. 

He looked fine. 

But something was wrong, maybe it was just him but.. there had to be something wrong with Logan. He couldn’t be okay, not by any kind of standards. He knew Logan too well to know that the logical side would never show up to any kind of meeting with them dressed as he was. Logan was far too prideful for that, and he also knew that Roman would most certainly never let him live it down. So… something.. Something had to be wrong here. He couldn’t be okay.

Not after what happened. 

“Logan,” Patton inched forward, a look of clear worry on his face. “You okay bucko? Are you feeling oka-” 

“Logic.”

Patton blinked, hoping that he had misheard what Logan had just said to him. His voice chilly in the kind of way that made his back shiver, even if there wasn’t a single draft to be felt. “What?” He attempted a happy playful smile that wouldn’t betray how he was feeling, when the stoney look on Logan’s face didn’t even  budge for a second he felt it slip right off into a puzzled frown. He was acutely aware of Roman and Virgil watching their interaction with the eyes of a hawk, their eyes were burning the back of his head. He could feel something inside of him tremble with that one word that Logan had spoken to him, and he hoped with everything that he was… that he’d only misheard Logan. With Logan’s firm unbreaking stare,  and the obvious stares from the other two sides… he had to actively avoid squirming in place just from how uncomfortable he was starting to get from the change in atmosphere. 

All it had taken was one word… and it felt like everything had just turned on its head.

Logan crossed his arms smoothly over his chest, “Given the state of our relationship, it is Logic.. Not Logan.” There wasn’t a single hint of joking or exaggeration in his voice, there was just that air of polite honesty that somehow managed to rub Patton the wrong way. 

“What?” He asked again, his throat choking out the word. This time he was absolutely sure that he was about to cry, was this.. was this Logan ending their friendship? Was he really that tired of them and their jokes? Did he… 

Did he hate them? 

“What are you talking about?!” This time it was Roman who spoke up, the creative side had been lounging on the couch for a majority of the time. Only now rising once it was apparent how upset Patton was getting with Logan’s selective words, and to top it off… he was getting rather upset himself at it. Did this name change just go to Patton, or was it all of them combined? “Listen,” Roman tried to say patiently. “If you’re upset and angry about your schedule not being followed this is not the way to act about it, tell us and we’ll work something out. Don’t just pull this shit and expect us to not know what to do with it!”

Roman’s breath came out in hot angry puffs, he honestly hadn’t expected himself to get so worked up over this.

Logan’s eyes shifted over to him, clearly waiting a moment to see if Roman was done talking. “Creativity.” Roman’s lungs seized, and his breathing stopped right then and there with that one little word. Logan was… Logan was serious. “I am not angry.” He said patiently. “I understand that sometimes things come up that can get in the way of a preplanned schedule. It is okay, and I understand that nothing could be done that specific day.” Logan linked his fingers together. “However, I am merely stating that I wish to not be referred to so casually.” 

Their mouths gaped openly, a mixture of concern, fear, and puzzlement written over each of their faces. For a moment Roman had no idea what to say, after everything involving Patton and Janus this just felt like one more thing that he didn’t understand. He was fairly certain that none of them understood this though, judging by the looks on each of their faces. None of them knew why Logan was choosing to pursue this, and honestly… he was kind of scared to know exactly why. 

Because that meant in some kind of way… they had all fucked up. 

Roman hated himself for the words that came out of him next, “Are we not close? I thought that knowing your name, and using it meant that.. that you trusted us with it.”  

For a split second, Logan looked up to the ceiling and Roman fought the urge to bristle indignantly at the implications. The hurt in his heart steadily being replaced by a new feeling that he couldn’t yet put his finger on, but once he did…

“No,” Logan merely said, and didn’t elaborate. “I am going to go back to my room should you need to call on me again, I will be drafting up a new schedule that we can all hopefully agree upon, in the meantime... Have a good day.” 

There wasn’t the tiniest hint of resignation or resentment, throughout everything that he’d told them Logan had remained polite to the very end. Even when he ducked out, there weren’t any side eyes, or upset looks from him. Just an air of civil courtesy, that felt so.. so unlike him. Logan got excited about his projects, and he got upset when they didn’t play out to how he wanted them exactly to go. He should have been upset, he should have been spitting barbs and being salty about his failed schedule, he should have reassured Virgil’s anxieties, and he should have…

He should trust them…

Shouldn’t he? 

[eliemo]

Love Our Way

Summary: Virgil knew he should have said something right there. But he didn’t, because he knew that would be the end.

Notes: Ace Virgil fic with romantic LAMP

TWs: Mentions of sex but no details. A little bit of internalized acephobia but barely, Virgil just has negative self esteem.

They’d been together a few months now and it had been, without a doubt, the best few months of Virgil’s life. 

It’d been a bit nerve wracking in the beginning, those first couple of weeks, as excited and thrilled as he was, Virgil had been extra paranoid about doing something wrong, about giving them any reason to lose feelings for him. 

He honestly hadn’t thought it could work at first. Relationships rarely worked out with two people, let alone four. Eventually they would fight, or lose feelings, or decide it was all too complicated. And things would get awkward and they could all end up hating each other and who knew what it would do to Thomas if they could no longer stand to be in the same room—

But they didn’t. By some miracle, that never happened.

Things were...things were perfect, as scared as Virgil had been to use the word. They’d been amazing ever since the anxious side was allowed to join their family, the love and warmth a wonderful kind of overwhelming he’d never felt before, but actually dating the people he loved more than anything, no longer needing to be afraid to express his feelings…

It was more than he’d ever thought he would get. More than he ever thought could be possible. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it was real. 

They fit together like puzzle pieces, making each other stronger, pushing each other to be better, gentle and encouraging, coexisting in peaceful harmony. 

Virgil had never felt so welcomed, so surrounded by unconditional support and affection. They showed him just how much he had to offer. For the first time he’d actually felt like he wasn’t just a burden. 

It was hard, especially when it took a while to convince himself that he wasn’t invited into the relationship out of convenience, but because they actually wanted him. 

But they loved him. He knew that now. They all loved each other, flaws and all. 

And, well...Virgil should have known it wouldn't last forever. 

Not for him. Because...because that was just the way things were, wasn’t it? He’d made progress, he wasn’t the bad guy anymore, but he was still Anxiety. Things were just destined to go wrong. 

He really hadn’t given a single thought. It never crossed his mind as something that could ever be a problem, even when they had initially gotten together. No one else seemed intent on bringing it up, so Virgil had figured they never would. 

But then it had. Logan had brought the topic up about a week ago, somewhat awkward but still painfully casual, the conversation simply to discuss everyone’s level of comfort when it came to intimacy. 

Which...yeah, Virgil guessed it made sense. They were dating, the four of them happy and comfortable with their relationship, and had been for months now. So obviously sex was going to get brought up eventually. Boundaries needed to be set before...anything actually happened. It was routine for a healthy relationship. 

Except Virgil hadn’t actually thought they would ever talk about it. Because he’d known for a long time that he was asexual and he’d just...kind of assumed the others were too.

Which in retrospect, was a stupid conclusion to jump to. 

Virgil had known for years now, long before befriending the others. It had taken him a while to be sure, lots of research and panic and overthinking, but he’d eventually grown comfortable with the label. It was just another part of who he was. 

But he’d also never really understood why. Thomas wasn’t asexual so it didn’t make any sense for Virgil to have a separate identity. 

Unless it was just something all the sides experienced, none of them able to feel that kind of attraction.

But he’d never actually gotten around to asking. No one brought it up, and before the...development in their relationship it never seemed like something that would be an issue. So he’d just assumed, and ran with it. 

But clearly that wasn’t the case. Not when Roman and Patton were responding to Logan’s question with varying levels of eagerness and approval, comfortable and willing to take the next step when they were all ready.  

And Virgil knew he should have said something right there. They had given him the perfect opportunity to come out, quick and easy, and avoid anything uncomfortable in the future. 

But he didn’t. Because...because that would be the end, wouldn’t it? 

They would be sweet about it, of course. Thank him for being honest. But if he was the only one who didn’t want that...well, what was the point of him being a part of things? 

It was a cruel thing to assume, he knew that. None of them were shallow enough to see sex as something necessary, and he knew they would never force him into anything. 

But...but he already offered so little. They already had to jump through so many hoops to accommodate his anxiety, and it wasn’t like he was particularly loving or good at romance, as hard as he tried. As loving and amazing as they were, this could simply be the final straw. 

He wanted to be with them. He wanted them in every other way. He loved them more than anything. But he wouldn’t fight it when they ended up distancing themselves from him. 

Virgil just wasn’t ready for that heartbreak yet. So he plastered on a fake smile, and nodded along with the others.

 He’d tell them tomorrow. The longer he waited, the worse it would be. 

_

“Movie night!” Patton declared, skipping into the living room where Virgil was scrolling aimlessly on his phone. “And don’t think you’re getting out of it this time, Virge!”

Virgil tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted at the phrasing, swallowing against rising panic and sending Patton a smile. It was just movie night, same as every Friday. 

It had been two weeks now, and he still hadn’t told them. He’d managed to avoid last week’s movie night with the excuse of an upset stomach, desperately trying not to think about what they could be doing without him. 

And now...now he’d have to tell. They’d already be upset he waited this long, he couldn’t put it off any longer. 

Besides, they’d all be in the same bed all night, as they often were, relaxed and happy and enjoying each other’s company. They wouldn’t ever force him into something he wasn’t comfortable with, even if they wanted nothing to do with him after he came out. 

He’d lied, after all. He should have told them right away. 

“I'll be right there,” he said, forcing a smile as Patton made his way upstairs to his bedroom where the others were likely waiting. “Just...give me a second.” 

This was it, then. Hopefully afterwards, it wouldn’t be too awkward. Hopefully they would still be willing to keep him around as a friend. 

They were all waiting for him by the time he made it to Roman’s room, the three of them sprawled out on the bed in a pile of laughs and smiles, and Virgil’s heart felt like it was trying to break through his chest. 

He loved them so much. He wanted nothing more than to forget all of this and be held in their arms, content and warm until the sun came up. 

But putting it off wasn’t fair to them. And it wasn’t fair to him either. 

“Virgil!” Roman exclaimed, and Virgil felt lightheaded at the fond, excited looks he was being given. “Come help us choose a movie!” 

He almost chickened out again, just for a second. But he couldn’t panic. Not until it was out in the open and he could deal with the consequences. 

After tonight, he could very well end up alone again. Isolated like a villain. 

Why did he have to keep turning out to be different? Why was he always meant to end up alone? 

“In a second,” he said, stopping just inside the doorway. “I...I need to say something first, if that’s ok.”

Their smiles dropped slightly, but their gentle, welcoming expressions never wavered. The three of them sat up in bed, scooting forward as Patton nodded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said. “What’s on your mind?” 

He was actually doing this. He just...had to figure out how to start. 

Virgil took a breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide how they’d begun to shake. “Just to- just to get it out there to make it easier for you guys...I- I get it if you want to break up with me after this.”  

That got their attention, their heads snapping up with wide, wary eyes. Virgil couldn’t quite bring himself to look at them anymore. 

“I’m just saying,” he muttered, and god he was shaking so bad. “I’ll understand.” 

The silence only stretched on another few seconds before Logan cleared his throat. “We’re listening, Virgil.” 

Ok. Ok he could do this. He...really should have planned out what he was going to say first. 

“I should have told you right away,” he started. “I know I should have. It’s not fair to you guys and I’m...I’m really sorry that I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to...to lie or- or lead you on or anything, I just...love you guys. A lot. I’ve loved being with you and I wasn’t ready to...you know...ruin that.” 

“Virge? What...what did you do, darling?” 

It was passed off as a joke, the Prince forcing a small smile, but there was serious concern behind it. 

Virgil quickly shook his head. “It’s not...I didn’t realize that it would be, you know, an issue. But you guys want...you want someone who’s not...me. Because- because I’m…” 

Say it, just say it. 

“I’m asexual. And you guys...I shouldn’t have kept that from you. I’m sorry. I’m just...sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

And that was...it. That was it. They knew now. 

They knew, and they could react how they wanted. If they were angry, Virgil wouldn’t blame him. If they were disgusted and demanded he leave...Virgil wouldn’t fight it, no matter how badly it hurt. 

He knew them better than to truly assume that would be the case, but the thought was still there. 

Furious or not, there was no way they’d trust him enough to keep him in the relationship. 

But he had to hold it together until the end of the conversation. He’d escape as soon as they let him, and then...and then he’d readjust to being alone. 

Unfortunately, none of them seemed particularly inclined to answer, the silence stretching on a moment too long. He risked a glance up from the floor, hunching his shoulders when he caught Logan’s eye. 

“Virgil,” the logical side said. “Come sit down, please.”

He quickly shook his head, taking a step back. He didn’t need a long, drawn out ending to this. He wouldn’t be able to hold it together that long. 

“You...you guys don’t have to--” 

“Virgil,” Patton cut him off, scooting aside to make room. “Come over here and talk to us.” 

And he’d never be able to deny Patton anything, would he? Not when he sounded so desperate. 

Virgil moved forward on shaky legs, focusing solely on his breathing to keep himself from crying, ending up seated in between Patton and Logan, Roman pressed up against the moral side. 

“This doesn’t need to be a conversation,” he said, just wanting to get out. “I...I said I would understand.” 

Virgil jumped when there was a hand against his cheek, Logan suddenly cupping his jaw and turning his head until they were face to face, the logical side’s eyes piercing behind his glasses. 

“Virgil,” Logan started, sounding almost breathless. “How...on earth could you think this would end in a break up?” 

Virgil blinked, wondering if this was some kind of trick question. “What? I don’t--” 

“Darling,” Roman said, and the Prince was suddenly scooting over to sit in front of Virgil, the three of them surrounding him. “You thought we would leave if you came out as Ace?” 

Virgil shook his head because no, that...that wasn’t the problem. Not entirely, anyway. “It’s not...guys I lied. You asked me to be in a relationship with you and I didn’t say anything.” 

“You did not lie,” Logan said, never dropping his hand from Virgil’s face. “You just were not ready to come out yet. You and I both know there is a substantial difference.” 

There was a hand suddenly slipping into his own, and Virgil startled when he realized it was Patton’s, the moral side’s free hand now running fingers through his hair. 

“You weren’t comfortable sharing that part of yourself,” he said. “That’s totally ok, sweetheart. No one’s mad at you. I’m just glad you said something before something...happened.” 

Logan’s hand suddenly dropped, his eyes big and painfully worried, and Virgil had to force himself not to look away. 

“Virgil,” he said slowly. “You do not...owe us anything. Especially not something like sex. If we made you feel like--” 

“What? Jesus- no.” Virgil moved his hand away from Patton, pulling his knees up to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut to try to get a hold of himself. “It wasn’t...I just thought...it would be too...t-too much to deal with, you know?” 

They weren’t breaking up with him. They weren’t. He’d been stupid to think that. There was no reason he should still be so upset. 

He couldn’t make them feel guilty. He couldn’t make them think they’d been the ones to do something wrong when they’d been nothing but perfect. He couldn’t--

“Oh Virgil.” 

Too late he realized the tears had started to spill over, his face burning as he pressed a hand against his mouth to try and muffle any treacherous sobs. 

There was a pair of arms around him, warm and grounding, and it took Virgil a moment to realize it was Roman, gently guiding him into the embrace. He didn’t fight it, falling limp against the Prince’s chest with a pathetic choking noise. 

“S-sorry,” he managed in between sobs. “I’m sorry, I- I don’t know why I’m...I sh-should have told you, I- I thought you’d...I thought you’d run out of reasons to- to want me.” 

“We could never,” Roman whispered, holding him tight. Patton moved forward to rub circles along his back, Logan reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You’re beautiful, Virgil. And this doesn’t change a thing.”

It didn’t make sense. None of it made any sense. If one of them had come out, it would be different. But with him...there was already so much to deal with, so much they were forced to handle. 

Eventually, it had to get to be too much, right? He’d already figured they’d get fed up with the extra steps they had to take to respect his boundaries, Virgil always a little more wary when it came to being vulnerable. 

But they all sounded so...genuine. Princey hadn’t once loosened his hold, still whispering quiet reassurances, Patton was back to running his fingers through Virgil’s hair, pressing kisses to his free hand. 

And Logan still held on tight, counting out familiar breathing exercises just loud enough for Virgil to hear, always knowing how to calm him down. 

When he finally managed to calm down, taking in deep, shuddering breaths, he reluctantly pulled away from Roman, wiping at his eyes as he stared down at his lap. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I never thought...I wouldn’t have let you guys do anything. I was always gonna tell you eventually I just...kept putting it off.” 

“That is quite alright,” Logan said, sounding oddly hesitant. “But I...don’t think I could forgive myself if we had taken the next step without realizing you would not enjoy it.” 

Virgil nodded, forcefully pushing down the sickening panic at the thought. “I know. I wouldn’t have let that happen. I promise.” 

Patton and Logan both squeezed his hands, Patton tilting forward to press a kiss to his temple before leaning his forehead on Virgil’s shoulder. He allowed himself to lean into the touch, taking another shaky breath before continuing. 

“I’m...I am sorry though. If this complicates things.” 

Roman cocked his head slightly, frowning. “Complicates things?” 

“Yeah,” Virgil said, hoping he wasn’t about to refute every wonderful thing that had just been said. “We’re...in a relationship. And you all want...I mean, Roman you’re pretty much all romance, so I know you want--” 

He cut himself off, caught completely off guard when Roman started laughing. 

“Sorry,” the Prince said quickly, smiling at the exasperated looks Virgil realized the others were giving him. “Sorry, I just...gosh, Virgil can I kiss you?” 

Virgil blinked, mind suddenly completely blank. “I...uh, sure?” 

True to his word, Roman was suddenly cupping Virgil’s face in both his hands, gently pressing their lips together, and just like always Virgil melted against the touch, completely safe for just a single, blissful moment. 

When Roman pulled back, he met Virgil’s gaze, brimming with nothing but adoration and love. “Virgil, darling, you really think I see something as trivial as sex romantic?”

“I mean...yeah?” 

“Virgil, I love you. You, not...not what you have to offer. I love seeing you in the mornings, and holding you...I love hearing your voice. I want to cook you dinners and pick you flowers and sing for you. That’s romantic, Virge. Not...not something as small as sex. That’s not what’s important. Not to me.” 

“I, for once, am in agreement with Roman,” Logan said. “Sexual intimacy has never been of importance to me. It certainly does not hold enough power to damage our relationship in any way if you do not desire it. And it certainly has no power over my feelings for you.” 

Virgil was suddenly dangerously close to crying again. “I--” 

“Besides, there is no logical reason for us to engage in sexual intercourse. We are not human, so the need to reproduce does not--” 

Roman thankfully cut him off with a kiss, Logan making a noise somewhere between surprise and annoyance, but reciprocated without further complaint. 

Patton was suddenly taking both of Virgil’s hands, their fingers laced together, and Virgil suddenly wasn't quite so scared to meet the moral side’s eyes. 

“I don’t care about something silly like that,” Patton said. “I just care about you, honey. The four of us being safe and happy and together. If we all just cuddle and tell each other how much we love each other...nothing else could ever make me that happy. So don’t you worry about a thing, ok?” 

Virgil wasn’t sure whether he laughed or sobbed, but he was smiling back at Patton, at the people who surrounded him with unconditional love, and he nodded. 

“Ok,” he agreed, feeling lighter than he thought he ever had. “Thank you. All of you. I...I love you all. So much.” 

Within moments they were all tangled up in each other, the television playing an old comfort movie, Virgil wrapped up in Logan’s arms with his head against Roman’s chest, Patton leaned against his legs. 

It was still perfect, and Virgil had a funny feeling it always would be. He loved them, more than anything in the entire world, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind they felt the same way.