#what if my writing actually fucking sucks and i've just been wasting my life

[muzzlemouths]

having the kind of mental panic that not even Creating Art can fix. wuh oh

[ghostoffuturespast]

Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...

[tumblingxelian]

There's this ridiculous narrative that going on in both RWBY subreddit: fans and critics alike are saying that Yang's memory is flawed (or even that she was lying) when she said that she basically had to raise Ruby herself when Tai shut down after Summer died. Their main argument is "Yang was 5! She couldn't even take care of herself, much less a toddler!"

Several works of fiction have five-year-olds whose parents are neglectful, emotionally defeated, or even abusive taking care of themselves just fine, like Matilda (Matilda Wormwood), Persona 4 (Nanako Dojima), and Kotaro Lives Alone (Kotaro Satou). Why are they willing to give them a pass for doing that, while saying that it's impossible in RWBY?

Yang's conversation with Tai before her sparring match in V4 doesn't work if this was the case.

I'm actually insulted by this argument because the mother of my oldest cousin was a complete and utter bitch who divorced my uncle, and cheated him out of as many supervised visits as she could by working overtime whenever she could. Combined with the fact that she worked an 8 to 8 job, my cousin had to teach herself how to cook, do laundry, change her bedsheets, and get herself ready for school since neither my uncle nor her mother were heavily involved in her life, kind of like Matilda, Nanako, and Kotaro. Gee, it's almost like fiction is at least somewhat based on reality. What a concept!

Sorry if I got a little rambly, but my cousin's experience and my own experience as an older brother cause this argument to REALLY make me angry.

I've had endless debates across Reddit, YouTube, Tumblr and forums alike with people who hold that exact stance and it is never not utterly asinine.

Even if we ignore the factual reality that lots of children, even very young one's often end up parentified and left grappling with adult responsibilities as a small child.

Which I need to stress we should not ignore and the fact these people do shows just how willfully ignorant they are being.

The fact of the matter is it makes no narrative, character or thematic sense for her to be wrong about this!

Like, really, what is the narrative end goal in these people's brains, to have one of the main characters most overtly emphasized sources of trauma. Not only brought up by herself but by the sister she had to raise. Be wrong?

It makes every scene discussing it, every aspect of her character it informs, every bit if dialogue that touched on it utterly meaningless. CRWBY don't have that kind of time to waste on a red herring that serves literally Zero purpose!

But of course these people don't give two fried fucks about things like basic common sense or competent writing.

They want Yang to be delusional or lying because in their mind the fact she 'dared' be traumatized, 'dared' to be something other than a ditsy party girl and 'dared' be even indirectly critical of a man, of her father, is an insult to them.

Thus they want to ignore what's on screen, what the writers say, what the characters say, what reality says about situations exactly like this to erase her trauma and depth, All our a blend of sexist offence and misogynistic defensiveness of a minor male character.

It sucks but then, since wen hasn't RWDE been awful?

On your example:

Extremely well said, very good examples, I would also add Gohan from Dragon Ball surviving in the wilderness for a full year at the age of 3/4/5 depending on translations.

There's so many conversations tat make no coherent sense if Yang was wrong, but as said, these people don't care about good writing.

My sympathies and respect to your cousin and exactly, reality is often stranger than fiction and frankly this fictional scenario isn't even that strange sadly :/

I am right there with you for my own reasons, it sucks!

Literally the only area in which one can reasonably argue that Yang might be somewhat misinformed I thin is in relation to what exactly was going on in Ruby's head at the time.

IE, believing she didn't understand what was going on yet. That doesn't actually undercut any of her own experiences, but could be the case as it seems Ruby's memories of those early days are perhaps clearer tan Yang realizes.

Of course this changes nothing about Yang being parentified from an incredibly young age, because Ruby herself outright said Yang raised her.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Do you have other social medias where you publish Cobra Kai content ?

Hi!!! I do have some other accounts, like my AO3! My two main fanfics I have going right now are Awakening, a werewolf!Demetri AU set in Barcelona during the Sekai Taikai, and You Never Called It What It Was, a YasMoon backstory fic set before and during Season 1. There's also the binary boyfriends gay little road trip to find Miguel after S4 AU series, which I DO have lots more chapters planned for, but it's currently on pause until I finish some of my other fics. Hopefully I'll dive right back into this one after the show ends, since there will no longer be new canon material tO GIVE ME MORE IDEAS THAN I HAVE TIME TO WRITE, GOD DAMN IT >______< (I wanna try writing Samguel too at some point, but I'm worried I'd be bad at it ;_____; And I love them very much, so I want to do them justice!!! Here's to someday, though, lol.)

I also have some playlists on my spotify!!! Right now I've got: Elimetri, Elimetri except it's all TSwift (she fits them exceptionally well, don't judge!), YasMoon, general Yasmine playlist, Samguel, and the homoerotic road trip fic!

As far as other socials go...welp. Funny story: I DID make an instagram to post moodboards a while back, and someone uh. Reported it??? I'm like 95% sure some homophobic assholes took issue with the fact that I ship Elimetri and YasMoon and I do it pretty loudly and unapologetically. I think I commented on some Demetri & Eli and/or Yasmine & Moon posts saying that I loved the ship, and yeah, um...I guess The Straights™️start screeching and clutching their pearls over people ever interpreting same-gender friendships having romantic undertones. Or something. I can't even remember exactly what I said, but it wasn't anything stronger than like "I ship this so much" or what have you. But I guess that alone is an atrocity in some people's ass-backwards brains :/ This day in age, queer hate is making enough of a resurgence that I shouldn't even be surprised it's alive and thriving outside tumblr. Anyways, I ended up just taking the L and letting insta ban my account because I'm ngl, it's pretty rancid there and not worth the trouble. All this to say I would advise staying off the CK instagram fandom if you primarily like queer ships. It's fucking chock full of h*wkm**n and yas/metri shippers, and as a queer and a woman I do not trust or feel safe around that at all :/ (Like yeah, please tell me more about how cool it is when women lose their agency and personality to revolve their life around boyfriends who view them as coolness prizes and don't care about them as people at all??? How does this brand of blatant misogyny still exist in 20fucking25??? Anyways) There's just generally a lot of homophobia and misogyny that I think would make trying to participate in the fandom there really depressing. I've heard TikTok is pretty rampant with homophobes too, tbh, So I'm not planning on getting on there, either. I feel like it's just hard to seek out the people I'd actually vibe with among a sea of toxic waste XD And, y'know. All the content made by people who have no issue with my gender being portrayed as braindead props to make men look better ^^; (If any of my followers are already on CK Instagram/TikTok, don't worry--this does not apply to you!!! If you're reading this, it means you're one of the gay little posse I actually respect and you are some of the few on those sites who DON'T suck XD)

Random aside, but I've been lowkey craving to make some video edits/music videos of my ships, so I might get back on youtube one of these days. Unfortunately, I don't have the means right now D: I used to have Sony Vegas, but then my computer broke it when I was forced to upgrade to windows 10 ;_____; I think there's a way to fix it somehow, but it's...super complicated??? Eventually I'll crack down and do it, probably, when the yen is eating me from the inside out. But for now, I'm too lazy XD

[catherinekal]

I really do need to stop wasting so much time watching twitch and youtube. It's all I've done since coming home and I'm sick so that's fair since I lack energy for anything else.

Just I can't keep living like this if I actually want to get anywhere in life. Parasocial relationships can be poison and I want to spend a hour reading a new book or something then watching so and so play a game or podcast or something.

It's weird to think I wanted to be a streamer years ago. The idea just makes me go bleh now. Not that I have the personally for it anyways as I learned when trying, but if I ever make online content I want it to be encouraging people to make healthy changes in their life. Need to get there myself first.

I get the need for streamers and I won't ever fully stop watching them since theres tons of creativity out there, but holy shit twitch is a black hole of wasting time. I guess for me I want to engage with less content and more art or self improvement. Do I really need to watch a hour long Playframe video when I can read mistborn for an hour? One will be far more fulfilling but fuck it's hard to break the FOMO when you're so engaged with people I'll never meet.

I'm weird in that I'd happily work some normal ass job and use my free time to make art. A normal job, as shitty as they may be compared to the fantasy of playing video games for a living, comes with certain guarantees and assurances.

Retail sucks but each week my paycheck is consistent and I'm lucky enough to have a union which at least keeps me from being fired for any random reason, like being trans. Youtube and twitch as a living is just to sporadic with money for my liking as my main income. Seen so many streamers struggle with suddenly not making ends meet. Even Mega 64 who have been around for 20 fucking years almost shut down earlier this year despite going that long.

idk I guess I just wanna improve my life. Exercise. Get fit. Eat better within the bounds of what I can afford. Less Let's Play number 52, hour long videos while I lurk reddit reading bullshit and more original books or games or films that tug at the imagination.

I want to write to, but of course I'm so slow on my own worldbuilding and lore bible which I know I need fleshed out before I start seriously. I'm aware that's bad practice for a new writer, but it's my method and I'm sticking to it for this first attempt anyways.

[theambivalentagender]

I love your comic!! What inspired you to share Zekes story?

There's a lot to this answer so buckle up.

I've always been a writer, ever since I was a little kid telling stories has been my entire life's goal. But its been a struggle, and for a long time I've felt kinda lost in trying to survive taking soul sucking desk jobs. It honestly destroyed any desire I had to create.

And then at the beginning of 2022 I got abruptly fired (for what I don't think are honest reasons but that's another story). And then I found myself just not being able to land a new job no matter what I did - I worked in a tech-adjacent industry and know others in similar positions also have had these issues. Weeks turned into months, and my mental health took a nosedive.

That summer I noticed one of my long time close friends kept popping up on steam playing Stardew Valley at odd hours in the morning. I'd heard of the game before, I loved farming sims, and I really needed a distraction. So I finally bought it.

Long story short, several hours into the game this motherfucker hits me up with this line:

So you can imagine what that did to my psyche. I got so god damn invested in the game. Like I do with any game, I started modding the crap out of it, mostly to add more lines for Shane. And then I found myself imagining my own little story with my farmer.

For a good while this was just a dumb headcanon story I had every time I played Stardew. But then I found myself actually plotting things out, connecting different aspects of SDV that were "unexplained" or "implied" with the story I was developing in my head. And then I realized - I was making a story again. I was feeling the exact same way I used to feel when I would plan out and write a play, or a short story, or one of my many unfinished novels. It was such a good feeling, and I started coming around to the idea that I shouldn't just keep this story in my head.

I dealt with a lot of self doubt over it of course. The last time I wrote anything like fanfiction was when I was 10 and it was a HP fanfic where I misspelled Slytherin in five different ways. Some part of me felt like it would be wasting time because I wouldn't make money off of it. Another part of me worried I'd be mocked for writing an entire self-indulgent story about a borderline self-insert character romancing a grumpy pixel man, when I was nearly 30 living in an apartment with a long term partner and shouldn't be doing such *childish things*.

I lurked around the SDV fandom for a long time before actually posting anything, and seeing other people, often people close to my own age, doing exactly what I was afraid of because fuck it, we're adults and we get to decide what that means, really helped. It also helped to see a positive community praising and supporting creators of all skill levels.

As for the money thing, I ended up "justifying" it to myself that if I made myself draw just about every day working on the comic (since I had decided to make it a comic rather than a fanfic), that would help me bring my art skills up to par with my writing skills. And, well, it would probably help my mental health if I had something productive to work on while I still looked for a job, because there's only so many times you can rotate between various video games.

I honestly didn't expect the comic to get as much attention as it has. But I told myself even if nobody cared about it, I'd make it for the one person who wanted to see this story play out - me.

[scarlet--wiccan]

hi hope ur having a good day! sorry for the incoming stupid question but I didn't rlly know who else to ask. i plan on writing a mcu fic and wanda&pietro are going to be side characters in it, I don't like the fact that the mcu white washed them so I was planning on writing them as romani+Jewish but in one of your posts you discourage non-Roma to write Romani characters bc we might write them like a stereotype. should I write them as only Jewish or? thanks for reading

No, I would never tell you to erase or omit the fact that these characters are Romani. You should be able to include characters of color in your narrative without intruding on closed cultures or experiences that would be inappropriate for you to speak on.

In the past, I've stated that it's not appropriate for non-Romani people to write first-hand about Romani culture, community and upbringing. To that end, I would discourage anyone who is writing original fiction from using Romani characters as primary or POV protagonists. That doesn't mean you should never include Romani characters, however, rather than aiming for "authentic representation," you should focus on being aware of the social and historical contexts that apply to those characters and their circumstances. You can develop a sense of where a person comes from, what their family does, what kind of challenges they've faced, and things like that without digging into stuff like culture and customs. That may limit the scope of what you can represent-- you're not going to be writing about life inside a traditional community, for example-- but that's okay. You're just going to have to leave it to us to share those stories, if and when we choose.

With existing characters like Wanda and Pietro, it's tough because there are already so many voyeuristic and stereotypical depictions of their upbringing and their community in the canon. My goal has always been to sort through that material and identify the parts that are truthful or informative, and share them with proper context so that other fans can develop a better understanding of what these characters represent. I'm very happy to answer more specific questions about that, if you have any.

I don't know what the plot of your fanfic is, or how closely its going to hew to the M C U, but if you can do the research and figure out an appropriate, accurate way to fit European Romani characters into that setting, then more power to you. Personally, I think that those movies, especially the Avengers ones, kinda suck, and there's nothing salvageable about that version of Wanda or Pietro. It's not just that they're white, their story is an overall poor adaptation of the source material, and inserting Romani characters into those roles would actually create really awful, racist optics. These people are HYDRA collaborators, for fuck's sake. I don't think anybody, especially gadje, should be waste their time trying to "fix" the M C U Maximoffs.

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

I am blocking on sight anyone that puts any fucking discourse over "moral" fiction or whatever the fuck on my dash. I have blocked 5 people in the last month. I don't care if I've been a mutual with you for years, if you engage in this kinda shit, especially on the side of believing that certain fiction shouldn't be allowed, then you are someone I have no respect for.

Unless someone is actually straight up committing a crime (I.E., posting *actual* photographs or videos of REAL LIFE PEOPLE, not fictional/drawn people, REAL PEOPLE, being harmed/sexually abused) I Do Not Care what other people read or write or watch or make. I Do Not Care. I do not trust anyone else's, especially on the piss on the poor website, to be able to determine if a text is "glorifying" something or if they are just uncomfortable with the subject as a whole. You people all suck at media comprehension and I am just flatly not interested. I keep seeing posts of people making good points and then people ripping them apart in the most bad faith possible. "Someone else's media consumption doesn't hurt you" "yes except for when abuse is portrayed as love, or-" no. shut the fuck up. You Missed The Point. You DO NOT KNOW, and you CAN NOT KNOW, why someone else wrote or created something nor can you know why anyone chose to engage with it. Also, sometimes the fucking point of a story is to portray something bad as good, to serve a narrative purpose. that doesn't mean the author thinks it IS.

I Do Not Care about icky feelings. If you can't tell fiction from reality, that's a you problem. Leave us writers/artists the fuck out of it. And if your knee-jerk reaction to this is "oh, you're just making excuses For The Freaks" you are part of the problem and I also have no respect for you.

FWIW, I am an abuse survivor and I find everyone's moral panic over shitty fanfiction stupid at best and upsetting at worst. You people freak out over fictional bad things happening to fictional people, to the point you waste the resources and time of people that actually hunt down predators by sending them loli fanart? You make me feel like you care about fictional people more than you care about the victims. Also, you'll be fucking fine if you hear about weird art or fic happening. Just don't fucking read it yourself. But knowing it exists won't fucking hurt you. You know what does hurt you? ACTUAL ABUSE. Like the kind so many of the creators you demonize go through, bc like I said before, you can't know why people make the art they make and you certainly can't know whether someone's a victim or not. And people shouldn't HAVE to disclose their victim status for you to make sure you're only attacking the "acceptable" people.

Maybe just don't fucking attack people over some fucking fanfiction or fanart. period. go the fuck outside.

You crave ruthless, vindictive justice more than you crave to help people. You are after the high of feeling good about putting people down, the "right" people.

And I Have No Respect For You.

[hextechmaturgy]

7 and 8 :-)

7. Weapon of choice?

Hmmm depends on the game I guess........ I avoid P2 combat as much as I can. Never helped Stakh with those worms, didn't even bother to defend my dad's house from robbers LMAO they can keep that shit. I just find combat to be a huge waste of time, and I'm not good at video games so the chances of me dying during it are high, and dying in P2 sucks. This is another reason why I prefer P1! The combat is just as wonky but it's not taking itself too seriously. Most of the guns in the game are fun, I'm a big fan of the shotgun , but I think my weapon of choice is a knife. 🔪 Can easily find new ones if you keep killing muggers, and trying to melee in this game is just glorious. You can practice being good with a knife for hours and you still won't be any good with it, and that's fine because this is all make believe <333 I also get a kick out of stabbing people thinking of it as a character choice. Doctors using a cutting tool to kill instead of healing etc etc, this shit writes itself.

8. Best side character? (You can only choose 1!!!!)

Who could've seen this one coming, she's about to say Bad Grief!! P1 and P2 Grief are two miserable little rat men that won't leave my house for very different reasons. It's my understanding that P2 Grief never really had much to his name, besides his friends. Probably grew up poor in the streets, mischievous to a fault but always good deep down. He wanted to not be miserable all his life, and in his universe this goal demands some selfishness. He gains notoriety in the streets, gains people's respect at last and some modicum of financial stability, but in so doing he loses all his friends, who now see him as one of the bad guys. And you can't blame them for thinking that, he's literally hanging out in shady warehouses selling knives, but we know he never partakes, he even warns his men not to kill and possibly requests Andrey's help to put the ones who disobey in line. Is it worth "being someone" if the price you pay is crushing loneliness? <- Grief arguing with his own reflection. And then P1 Grief is a whole other can of worms, he's SO fucking funny for a start, everything he says needs to go into a quote book. He's the opposite of his P2 counterpart, playing the part of the innocent fool just trying to get by, when he's actually the mastermind of the underworld. That is already a really fun character concept, but then you get to the Changeling route and a whole new side of this character is revealed. You sit there going, huh. You've known you were a toy this whole time too? P1 Grief is much older, he's been around the violence and the misery and hopelessness of this game he can never escape from, playing the role of the big bad wolf. I reckon he figured: hey, if I'm doomed to be a bad guy all my life, I might as well be best bad guy I can. Let it be fun for me too. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to change, he's absolutely devastated that even Clara may not forgive him, and if the holy girl can't do it, he's doomed doomed. I've mentioned before that P2 Grief could grow into P1 Grief in a way, after what Aglaya puts him through. Nothing matters, so why should I care that cutting is wrong; the blood on my hands isn't real. EVERYONE needs to play the changeling route !!!!!!

[kwaggysshardmindemporium]

Album! Okay so today was Oar by Alexander 'Skip' Spence. I'm sorry Skip but this is bad. The BEST songs on it are like the definition of "the lower end of okay." And those are the first few songs. After that, it sounds like the artist is getting progressively more bored of making music. I legitimately feel like my time was wasted listening to this. I would say listen if you need a nap, but I've had TWO albums recently that would do that for you that DIDN'T suck completely and totally. (Those would be Ys and The Hour of Bewildebeast, to clarify.) If it wasn't obvious, 1/5. Not the worst thing I've been made to suffer through, but definitely the worst thing I've had in a while.

And you know what? I don't love being this negative. So let's talk about something I LIKE that I've been wanting to post about but never get around to it. Let's talk about my *favorite* band. My favorite song. The song I'm listening to right now to wash the taste out of my mouth. Big long gush plus some song links about something I love very much below the break.

So, my favorite band is The Amazing Devil. You know Jaskier from the Netflix Witcher series? Yeah, he's the lead singer of a band, too. This one. It's great. They write some of the most poignant music you'll hear in your fucking life. The genre I've seen it described as is "gothic folk" and it's very good. Their most popular song according to Spotify at 11.5 million plays, and the first song I ever heard from them myself, is the title track of their second album: "The Horror and the Wild." It's a great song. Here ya go:

That whole album is great, but fair warning if you or a loved one close to you have severe mental health struggles, the opening track "The Rockrose and the Thistle" is about that in a very raw way and might be a tough listen. Similarly, if you've had experiences with abuse, "The Unwanted Animal" towards the middle might be triggering. I personally check both boxes here even if I don't really talk about the latter, and it's probably the only song on there I have real difficulty listening to.

The *best* song on that album in my opinion, is "Farewell Wanderlust," their second-most popular song. Have a link:

I listened to this, got to this song, and knew instantly that this was my new favorite band.

And y'all? This isn't their best song, nor their best album.

Their best album IMO is Ruin, their most recent album. The album goes a little harder on the drums and faster on the guitar, and the subject matter is generally less grim. So it absolutely *soars.* The songs are fucking powerful. The other song I hear a lot of people say they know from this band is on this album because it's... I guess I'd call it a minor viral hit? It's called "Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious" and while it's a good song that title is a LIE. It's a story song about two nerdy and socially stunted people finding solace in each other's presence at a party. It's very sweet but very much not a drinking song.

Another great track on this album that I love a lot is "Blossoms," a song about a very nasty messy breakup.

And let's stop dancing around it. My favorite song from this band, and by extension my favorite song PERIOD and it's not very close, is "The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace." It's a song about overcoming your demons and if not becoming the person you want to be at least becoming someone who isn't weighed down by the shit the world has shoveled on them. Strap in, it's fucking long.

They do have another album, Love Run. It's their first album. I've listened to it, and it's... fine. Nowhere near as good as the later two, really only bother if you decide you like this band and want the complete experience. You won't be wasting your time but if you're like me you just won't like it as much. I'm not gonna spam links to songs off it because there's not much on there that does it for me.

Don't really have a closer here. Hope a mutual or two actually reads this and gives the band a listen. And even if you don't, if you're seeing this I appreciate you reading it.

[wikiangela]

my 911 fics ranked by how much fun i had writing them - based on the ranking by @sibylsleaves bc it seemed fun, thank you for the idea ❤️

as of now I have 34 buddie fics (lmao what), so I did a top 10 (it was hard to narrow down tbh because I generally have fun writing all my fics, but this is the top 10:

1. For a holiday (and forevermore)

Eddie's sick of personal, intrusive questions about his love life whenever he visits his family, so he starts bringing Buck for the holidays as his (fake) boyfriend. He only wants to shut them up, and doesn't expect that the small crush he has on his best friend could actually turn into something more...

my first (and for now only) buddie multi chapter fic, inspired by the movie holidate (2020) - I saw the movie and had a vision, and this started - I'm having so much fun writing this, even if some chapters are more difficult (and it's getting away from me and they do what they want lol) - and writing Eddie so oblivious and so deep in denial is just so fucking fun, overall 9.5/10

2. I can't love you any more (than I do now)

Eddie's pretty sure he and Buck are dating and kind of living together. Neither acknowledges it, until Eddie finally does.

this is my newest one rn, and it's disgustingly fluffy and domestic, and I loved writing it so much, needed some fluff with all the 6b stuff - and I've been looking for an excuse to use this song as a fic title lmao (it didn't turn out exactly how I wanted, but writing it was a blast fr haha) 9/10

3. There’s no way that it’s not going there (with the way that we’re looking at each other)

5 times people wrongly assume Buck and Eddie are together + 1 time it's actually true.

wrote this two years ago and I remember having a lot of fun with that - now there's about a hundred things I'd do differently with this one, but I enjoyed writing it at the time haha (this is also THE fic with the most kudos out of all of my fics out of all of the fandoms for some reason? lol) 8/10

4. we got time (but we're only human)

“We got time, Eds.” Buck chuckles. “Not enough.” Eddie’s voice breaks a little. Buck squeezes his hand. “We almost ran out of time, and I can’t just wait until it happens again, Buck. Besides, life is short. We’ll never really have enough time, because a lifetime with you wouldn’t be enough." Or, Buck wakes up from his coma, and Eddie, done with wasting time, confesses his feelings.

post-6x10, but fluffy and happy, really loved writing this one, had a great time with it, 8/10

5. Who said this is a good idea?

Buck and Eddie are drunk, their inhibitions are low, and things escalate pretty quickly.

one of the fictober22 prompts, one of the easiest and quickest to write somehow, had fun with this one 7.5/10

6. You love this, don't you?

Clipboard Buck makes a reappearance, and Eddie's forced to confront his feelings.

this was supposed to be a silly clipboard!Buck fic, but then it got horny so I wrote a second chapter (while lowkey cringing at myself bc it's kinda out of my comfort zone lol), and I had a blast writing it, even if it lowkey sucks (idk if it does, I'm harsh on myself lmao) 7.5/10

7. Fine

Eddie’s foot feels heavy on the gas pedal, while his hands grip the steering wheel tightly, to prevent them from shaking. He’s driving almost on autopilot, while trying his best to compartmentalize and focus on just getting to the hospital, trying not to think about Buck- about what’s happening in the back of the ambulance right now. Or, after the drive to the hospital after Buck's hit by lightning, Eddie loses it. Sort of 6x10 coda.

It was easy to write, the words were just pouring out of me, and I think I blacked out for the last 1k words, it's the saddest thing I've written lol 7/10

8. You're making my head hurt

Eddie's really tired and accidentally confesses his love for Buck.

accidental confessions are my fave to write, I just feel like it'd fit them, and it might not be my best, but I had fun writing it, 7/10

9. don't know what I'd do if your tomorrow never came

He can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke from the universe, which he doesn’t believe but he knows Buck would. “The universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” is what Buck said once, it feels like a lifetime ago. He didn't believe it, then, either. And now the universe is mocking Eddie, having him have to tell their kid about Buck, just like Buck had to tell him about the shooting. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck did it, how he had the strength, because he’s on the verge of breaking down and shattering into a million little pieces. Or, Eddie goes home to tell Christopher about Buck getting hurt.

post 6x10, only this low bc I started writing it and loved it, and then I didn't have time to finish, so I got back to it later, and kinda struggled with the second half ngl haha gotta learn to write shit down as soon as it comes to me fr, 6.5/10

10. I think he knows

Eddie just could not tear his eyes away from him. And Buck finally noticed, looking back at him. “What?” “What? Nothing.” Eddie felt his face heat up, as he took another sip of his beer. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Buck’s piercing gaze was still on him, and Eddie felt as if he could read him so easily. “Like what?” he decided to play dumb. Maybe he’d succeed. “I don’t know.” Buck responded slowly. “You’re being weird tonight. Well, you’ve been acting weird for the past few weeks, actually.” “Weird how?” Eddie frowned, his heart hammering loudly. He knew how. But was he really being that obvious? Or Eddie's crush is becoming really obvious, so he does something about it.

it was just a silly idea about them getting together happening in the kitchen, it got away from me, I had a lot of fun with this one, even if it didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it to, but I don't think as much as the previous ones (it's so difficult to rank those fr) 6/10

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y'know something that's been haunting me for the last week is lately i've been watching some caleb hammer short vids (15 to 20 mins out of the original 1hr 50min eps) on my fb feed..... and he had one early 20s dude on..... who was so sucked into the self-help and life optimization bs that he said "i want to have the most awesome optimized and organised life to hit goals and achieve ultimate maximisation". and what's been troubling me since then is how much he just sounded like a robot speaking like that. how fucking lifeless he looked when he said that. because what does that BS even mean???

on the other hand, it's got me thinking about how uni's worldwide are dismantling/disbanding their entire arts and social studies units. hell, UCLA is trashing their arts dept (imo) by making students use AI generated textbooks. my local uni has fired like 90 academic staff in the arts dept, including the entire subject field of "science and technology studies"- which is basically the history, philosophy and communication of science to the public. i joke that i NEVER met anyone who INTENTIONALLY did this field as a major OR a minor.

but it's still sad asf that my home uni needs to get rid of an ENTIRE department bc of "it's sooooooo expensive and we NEED to OPTIMIZE our monetary base and course offering because we're just sooooo broke rn since the government has capped international student enrollments and we're like 32mill in deficit." it's sad that eventually they're going to get rid of their entire language (spanish, japansese, chinese (mandarin) and italian) and linguistics schools. they're getting rid of the history and probs sociology, philosophy, and english lit at some point.

moreover, i think it's the focus only choosing study fields that "generate income", so "why would you ever dare to pick liberal arts over engineering or law or healthcare (medical degree mostly or nursing)???? pick engineering or law or healthcare instead (even if you'll end up hating it).... so that then at least you'll be making PLENTY of money to pursue your TRUE passion in writing or whatever artistic pursuit! bc in today's economy an english degree or another arts major degree is a scam and a waste of time"

like bruh. i would've FAILED out of engineering bc i cant do the math. HELL i kinda did with library school, since that was in the school of engineering/information science of the uni of south australia... bc i couldn't cope with learning coding remotely. besides the point that i found the heart of the degree, metadata analysis/use and development, boring asf. i have NEVER wanted to be nurse or a doctor.... and that's evidenced my my failing of senior high school bio (and being the classic "student who nearly passes out or throws up every time we have a wet specimen class"). i nearly did law school tbh, bc that's one of the main avenues for philosophy students. but i couldnt afford it.

okay, like i dont think this guy on caleb hammer has actually gone to uni and that's okay. but i still think the way he talked about "wanting the ultimate optimised life" just shows the lack of humanity that (some) self-help books have and all of productivity discourse/books really has for people and the human experience. why the fuck do you want to be optimised, almost like a robot??? why do you want or NEED to have a "mega awesome optimised ultra productive and enlightened life"? is that even healthy, todd??? maybe sit down and read some fiction books for once, and learn to feel the spectrum of human emotion... instead of listening to nothing but productivity gurus; and sounding like an automaton on automatic for the self-optimisation and maximisation of my time-scale continuum of productivity to achieve ultimate self-actualisation and productiveness". reading fiction and engaging with your real emotions and ciritical engagement is NOT a waste of "valuable productivity time".... i promise.

[passionfruitmango]

Gonna do a vent post, thank you if you choose to read, I respect if you choose to keep scrolling! 💖

Oh my god today is so hard. Even finding the words to describe is embarrassingly hard.

Kinda broke down to my boss this morning. I don't know if I had a full mental break but I got really close. I want to say she heard me but I also have this feeling that until I'm screaming and crying my mental health isn't taken seriously.

I'm tired of consistently starting my week having to finish someone else's job before I can even start mine, so many of the previous shifts assigned job duties have become mine (because obviously your fryer won't heat up if the vents aren't fuckimg turned on, among countless other things) and I have been telling my boss for going on a year now where this coworker needs to be talked to about improvement. This person is the type to improve in one area and drastically reduce in another. Why do they still have a job genuinely? Because my boss is more worried about finding someone to replace them than writing them up for their mistakes. Boss is "scared they'll quit" LIKE FUCKING GOOD. PLEASE. LET THEM GO.

Any time the morning shift coworker does something theyre "supposed to" it's like they find a way to do it wrong enough that it makes more work for me. What has me fucked up is this coworker ASKED ME TO TEACH THEM WHAT I WANT LEFT FOR ME WHEN I COME IN, I TAUGHT THIS COWORKER, AND THEY BLATANTLY DISREGARDED MY TEACHING UPON DOING IT THEMSELF. so why waste my fucking time? Disrespectful as fuck.

I genuinely have gotten past the point of rage to full blown dissociating. It's either that or I'm crying as I'm trying to do my job.

Could I tolerate this all if I at least got some kind of positive reinforcement from someone with a title or even a teammate? Possibly.

Am I aware I deserve better than this job has me feeling? Gods yes but we all know when you live in a small town and have been working somewhere for eons, it's not exactly easy to find another job at the same base pay youre currently at.

Idk. Boss told me they'll take it upon themself to make sure everything is done but that's not the point. That's a band aid fix and I told them that (im also almost certain we had the same discussion 6 months ago and here I am again) If I come in tomorrow and have to deal with the same shit I've been dealing with for the last year? I'm just going home. I have hundreds of hours of sick time, im going to start using them when I'm sick of the shit I'm dealing with. Ffs im not getting a prize or even a happy team of coworkers by burning myself like this. "If I don't do it-who will" headass stupid fucking expression I used to gaslight myself into thinking this is okay

ITS FUCKING NOT OKAY. I'm stressed in my personal life and need change and the fact I've had to spell that shit out to my boss countless times??? Fuck outta here I could take a month off with solid sick time and still have enough left to do it for another month. Suck my ass im done being your bitch, figure out how to fix your store or figure out how to replace an employee that ACTUALLY does their job along with the one that doesnt!!!

I feel great having let that all out via text but im still struggling so fucking much. I just want to go home and sleep. And that's bad. I know I have things to do but I can't muster the energy because I'm using it all to fake normal through my work day. This isn't living. And I want to escape. All my old vices are begging me to come home. How do you tell your loved ones you're struggling when it's like they don't hear the words as they leave your mouth?

Genuinely. I feel like my mental health won't be taken seriously until I break. Why do I have to break first?

Buy a multivitamin, use the therapy light, keep on keeping on because everyone's fight is just as bad as mine. I'm just stuck in the dumps about it.

Do I need a friend? Or will they turn me into their shoulder to cry on when I ask if they'll be mine?

Editing to add other things on my mind that I'm only irritated about when I'm already feeling low:

Its been probably a month now since I paid someone for something I still haven't recieved? Like I understand life gets in the way and external circumstances, but telling me twice that I'll be getting tracking the next day and both times I've not gotten tracking? Atp just ask if I want my money back, honestly willing to cut my losses because the person I paid has gifted me shit for the same amount I'm currently out, I'm just feeling awkward and having trauma triggered because I've already asked what's up twice. And I'm pretty sure my reply from last time is still unopened and unread. :/

On the same topic, different person I paid, commissioned some art and it's also been multiple months with no updates. I reached out to their business page thinking it was something on my end I forgot to get to, yeah they have also not checked their business page. Again, I respect life happens. But a little communication would be DIVINE. Another situation where I will most likely be cutting my losses because I have learned not to spend/give more money than you're willing to lose. But im still irritated about it.

[6afurah]

Hey yeah it's been a while

Hey, No one is listening anyways.

Siapa je nak baca this account,

You know what I saw today?

Salma's blog website,

you know what i realized?

I am just so jealous, I am the lesser version of this girl, maybe she was never a homewrecker maybe i just lost because maybe just maybe maybe maybe MAYBE i SUCK.

Maybe I will always be less refined than her or any other girls Ismail was into, maybe i will always have frays and tears and look like something you find in the free pile section of car boot sales and independent thrift stores. Maybe i just suck, maybe i just suck to everyone that isn't me, maybe I'm the only one who actually likes me.

Maybe that's why I cant change and all i can do is sit and feel insecure over things I don't want to change because i like myself too much.

Writing? She writes too? You know what's something I've always wanted to tell people? That I wanted to write but I dont have the patience nor the memory for it, that my writing comes in my brain and disappears the moment i hold a pen. The moment I hold pen and press it onto the paper, it just disappears and my pen is just left there getting dried and I don't even keep trying i just accept the fact I can't fucking write and I keep consuming books and knowing what constitutes as a good book and a bad book but never able to WRITE because this is what happens when you have the brain of a gold fish that sounds like 4 sentences are being written at the same time, when your fingers move faster than your mind can even form sentences.

My whole life all those around tell me I'm brilliant full of potential, I just need to be more refined.

What if I'm not fucking refined, guys? Is this not fucking art to you? is this not fucking literature to you? Is a human being blowing up out of jealousy, insecurity, self hatred, self acceptance, self love, conflicting ideas, not complex enough for your bullshit ideas of what constitutes as art? Is this not what you wanted? did you not want a think piece of someone blowing up? losing their mind on a blog that NO ONE will see? Is this not a performance in it's own right? to scream into an outlet that will NEVER be discovered ? Since when did writing and at have to be refined? where the fuck is the genre for people like me who can't seem to find it in themselves to slow down and pace my pharagraphs? to not wind around the same topic over and over and over again?

Where's the appreciation for writers like sara pennypacker? was it not whimsical enough to catch your idea of what the mind of a creative child is like?

Am i just a poser?

Am i just trying to grow out of Salma's shadow?

It's not her fault you know, It's not Ismail's fault too,

I'm done being angry at either of them, So what now? What do you do when you're done hating something for so long and realize you're not feeling shit anymore but all that's left is hollowness in your core, a gaping hole meant to be filled with the shit your peers said you'd eventually succeed at, I am neither a failure of the expectations put upon me or a success in my own eyes, I'm just someone who lacks direction, drive, focus and patience.

Neither a good or bad thing,

so why the fuck does the world make me feel so bad for being both the tip of mediocrity and contradiction at the same time?

Is the cat, In the FUCKING BOX OR NOT?

You know fuck it, I can write.

You want to see me write, I can.

I'll write better than Ismail, and salma because unlike those retards I actually spent my teen years reading actual shit, I wasn't wasting time on skype like dumbasses who think they're the shit , who think they're developed people, padahal

have never actually endured real fucking problems.

Fuck ismail and Salma, aku tak marah with them anymore and I want to cement the fact I am in fact better than both of them COMBINED as people.

man, what the fuck is up with bitterness.

Also, i got off at court, case got dropped ( not exactly but chances are yes )

I'm back to studying

and also i never ended up finishing that project for ismail and you know what it's fine, I dont have the mental energy to make a love cd for anyone in my life right now.

[wack-ashimself]

So I've been trying to do something I was taught as a CHILD that....I never had the patience for.

See-when someone pisses me off, I believe I should just say whatever I want, however I want, whenever I want. As long as it is honest, it doesn't matter in which way I say it.

However, I have to admit that function's turn out rate is....borderline 0. It doesn't matter if I'm honest; most of the people are ignorant and definitely don't respond to meanness, no matter its' accuracy.

It's more that it makes me feel better, fuck them, I at least got to say what I needed to say.

So, unintentionally, I have been doing the whole 'write them a letter, and throw it away.' I say unintentionally because I 100% was going to and intended on sending EVERY single message. 'I'll burn down every bridge and drown with your asses; let's do this!' I really don't care if I'm alone. Most people suck, and they need to fucking know that they do!

Yet...I've had a little bit more patience. More foresight. Instead of instantly hitting enter, usually not even spell checking, I reread it. First off-I am an angry individual. At the world as a whole. This feels like a burden, and those who do me the worst I feel are the ones who sentenced me here. Second....being honest doesn't get results (see all politicians). Playing on people's desires and biases DOES. And I don't want to play that game. I'd rather not play at all. So I ain't going to twist my words to get my wanted results. So...what do I do? I want to respond but, historically, being kind and informative, let alone a dick and direct, never changes people's minds. YOU CAN NEVER change a person. You can give them the means to change, but it ALWAYS falls on their shoulders, 100%, to initiate the change.

There's been....3-5 people in the past 2 weeks who don't realize I wrote an entire book to destroy their bullshit and ego then....deleted it, and never sent it. If it isn't going to effect them at all, at least positively, and it's not gonna help me besides venting....why say it at all? I'm known as the loud opinionated out spoken guy but...for the first time in my life, I actually am choosing my words, and listening more. I'm starting to realize these people lashing out at me usually are in pain, and because I am an easy target, they chose to inflict me with it. I ain't saying it's totally undeserved, however. I do paint the target on myself sometimes...so...I...

Ignore them. They want to contact me, fine. Maybe we can talk it out. But I am not sitting there, taking the punches, and I'm not waiting to just punch back. Waste of everyone's time. You're not gonna change, and guess what? My life appears better when you're not in it in any form. Go figure...

I don't care how black and white this is: life is all pros and cons. And it goes back and forth thru the years. Sometimes you do have long periods of cons you just got to work/get thru. But if you consistently, regularly have more cons than pros, question if that relationship is worth it. Because more than likely, they are not. So you have to do the thinking for both of you...

[arttrampbelle]

Outside of nostalgia bait. What does mk11 really offer story and narrative wise that previous titles didn't already.

Reusing the same thing again and again. Ignoring their own lore. Even if the same game. Retconning retcons with a retcon. Writing themselves into a corner.

Mk11 adds nothing. Gains nothing. It has a net 0 of development.

Not even the things i like about the game could 100% save it for me. But i bought it with my own money. So im gonna run this game into the dirt till im absolutely sick of it or i basically unlock everything.

I mean its fun to play....if you ignore 90% of the story and skip the pre battle dialogue. Which honestly makes it tolerable.

10 and 9. They are better narrative wise. Not by much.

9 was actually good. If you take away raidens dumb moments,erase sindels obnoxious overpowering,and ignoring how shang tsungs fucking whole soul magic works and why he was cursed in the first place. (Legit you cant just tranfer soul magic like that without consequences. Especially from THAT man! Come on!) And my personal gripe is kung lao being killed but more so the way it was handled.

10 wasn't bad either. The revenants were interesting but the way they were handled sucked. But 10 felt like a mugan to me with half the roster i loved gone. It felt not worth playing thats what turned me off from mk for a while. However the gameplay was a blast and an absolute beast. Hella fun.

But fuck cageblade. Sorry. I will die on that hill. Sue me.

But again other than playing it for funsies,and ignoring most of the game outside of playing with friends. Which is what keeps me. It isn't worth much playing for story anymore.

Which is sad because mk i felt was so story driven. But its become a former shadow of itself. All because or corporate meddling. Which is also sad because i loved mortal kombats stories. But sadly they aren't as enjoyable.

Some koncepts aren't bad. The way they are handled is so piss poor tho. And is such juvenile writing that it makes me go.....I've seen some people on here do a better job then these supposed grown men game dev writers. Fr.

No offense. But i really wish some of y'all would be the writers. Not everyone. But some of yall. Because

Older titles while they have their own problems too,were more interesting narrative wise.

Gameplay wise it's always done good and gotten better. But storywise its been lacking. That's why people flock to other titles more.

Nrs is relying on nostalgia bait that movie makers do. And sadly people fall for it.

No im no exception. But at least i was honest why i got mk11 in the first place,which did come from a place of nostalgia. But even then sadly i feel some talent is wasted on a mediocre story. But im gonna tell people like it is. And the blunt honesty. Im not gonna fake to enjoy it 100% just to save face. I'd rather be honest with people. If that makes people mad. Oh well. Life goes on.

Mk hasn't been good from start to finish for me in a loooong time. Narrative wise.

And i doubt it will ever be. If boon and the other two current writers keeps writing the way they do.

However....at the end of the day....i still love playing. And i still love playing with friends and trying to have fun anyways. Despite the bullshit.

But im not gonna get mk12. Unless they ABSOLUTELY wow me. But i doubt they will. I dont want my money nor time wasted with another mk title. Until all the bells n whistles are added and im absolutely sure it will be worth it. Which im not having high hopes sadly.

Anyways. Im done rambling.