#what i'm trying to say is: it's a pretty good critique of how fucked high school is and how it pushes teenagers to their limits

[goodluckclove]

How I Critique Writing (A Loose Collection of Tips)

Someone asked me for insights into my methodology when it comes to giving feedback on writing and I realized I had way more than I could say in a reasonable amount of private messages. Are you someone who I've spoken to about their writing? Did someone send you their work and you don't know how to respond? Maybe this will help? Based on how people react I feel like it might be controversial but it seems to work.

When someone sends me their writing, no matter the size, subject or genre, I:

Take it seriously. It's a generational epic about the Vietnam war and its effects. It's a cute, young adult romance. It's Zim and Dib from Invader Zim realizing they've always been in love with each other. All of these things can be written with earnestness, strength, honesty and skill. It's fucking hard to write and if someone writes a single sentence that wouldn't otherwise exist its worth holding in your hands and examining with the same eye as if you were taking an interesting book off the shelf.

Respond with curiosity. It's common for critiques to follow a theme of ambiguous disdain. This doesn't work. Delete this. Bad. No. Gross. Guess what? That's not helpful. If you got that feedback, even if you followed it, you wouldn't be thrilled about it. Oftentimes you can take a line that makes you want to say Bad and ask something else. What is this supposed to express? What were you trying to do here? Am I supposed to feel happy/sad/uncertain when I read this? Curiosity can reframe something that you don't think works as a reader and turn it into an opportunity for the writer to look inward and solve their own problem. They might explain what they were trying to do, and if you were to say that it didn't pan out for you they're way more likely to tweak things themselves and feel like they still have control over their project.

Give comments. I've started giving more in-depth comments on the writing people give me depending on how anxious they are about it. If you're a pretty confident writer I'll give a summary of what I gained and what I was left wondering, what I thought and what I felt, what associations it made me think of in terms of tone and other forms of media - stuff like that. For newer writers, especially those who are far more doubting of their own abilities, I go buck wild. And in my opinion notes should be less like Good! I like this! Wow! Nice! (What are you, grading my book report? No thanks), and more like what you think when you're reading a book you're truly invested in. Make jokes about the characters (Not mean ones. I will send bugs to you in the mail.), chart exact lines that provoke physical reactions, even a small one. Can you imagine reading someone treat your work like it has its own fandom on Tumblr? You can do that for someone else.

Fucking have some fucking awareness of the fact that it might not be for you and that doesn't mean it's bad. I'm angry about this one considering the novel a friend sent me last night that they've been too terrified to try and post online, despite it being fucking brilliant. I'll try and calm down. Listen - you read what you like. I mainly read literary and experimental fiction, some poetry, horror and some sci-fi. Not a lot of genre fiction. But I will always be down to read someone's high fantasy story, because even though I don't really like fantasy I know what the good ones sound like. I've forced myself to gain a sense of what someone else would like, even if I don't like it. And I can still critique it. If I'm a builder and I see a house that's painted a shade of green I find sinful for a home (i.e. mint), I can look past that and focus on the state of the walls and the stability of the foundation. You aren't a reviewer, man. You are neither Siskel, nor Ebert. They write for readers, you write for writers. So you don't like historical fiction? Cool, man. Congrats. If someone trusts you enough to give you some to read and critique, you should still do so objectively. If you give it an automatic F because you wouldn't buy it, then you are legally a stinky little trash man. That's just the law.

Ask them what they liked to write and what was the hardest. There's apparently a weird trend on online writer communities that say there are specific rules that all writers need to follow. This is not true. It just isn't. If the dialogue in a story you read is weak, and the writer says they hate writing dialogue and really struggle with it, maybe tell them they don't have to use it. You might change their entire life.

RESPOND WITH CURIOSITY. You see the Ask games where people try and get more detail on the WIP of certain authors. If you have a WIP and I ask you a worldbuilding question that doesn't relate to the direct plot of the story as it exists now, I bet you'd like to talk about it. If I ask if you were inspired by a certain tone or movie, you might know the work I was talking about and feel happy. Or you might not know it, look it up, and feel inspired. I don't think people realize that a critique of new/unfinished writing is not a one-and-done exchange. You are taking part in an isolated process in a way few other people on the planet will. It's not homework. It's. Not. Homework. We spend so much of our time alone just fiddling our hands and making our magic, and in instances like these we share something in one of the ultimate forms of artistic trust. They're taking you into a world that hasn't fully formed yet. Is it cool? Can you tell me about it? Can they?

Be nice. Storytime, friends. In the way early 2010s, there was something on the internet called sporking. It was pretty much a line by line roast of someone's writing - typically fanfic. And I hate to say this, but I read a lot of it. I was 13, somehow untreated and overmedicated, and I was miserable constantly. Just cold in my chest. At one point I had the chance to critique a stranger's story - probably another child - and I essentially mocked the whole thing. They ended up deleting the story off the website. I cannot begin to describe to you the shame I feel about doing this, even ten years later. It burns in my heart and makes me sick to my stomach. If you are a serious writer, especially a young writer, and you insult another writer's craft to their face just as they're getting started - you will regret it. I promise you that. You will think about holding something alive and full of potential in your hands and squeezing your fists until it is just flecks of meat and crushed bone. It will haunt you. Maybe only a little, but constantly and for the rest of your life. So don't do it.

Wow what a grim note to leave on! That's essentially my philosophy on writing critique, do with it what you will. Want to send me some writing to receive this kind of excessive treatment? Cool! I have an email in my pinned post and I'll do that! I'm also down to chat if anyone wants to send me asks or DMs on writing/writing struggles/publishing tips.

[chaos0pikachu]

I am here actually to appreciate your post. I saw a blogger’s post saying The sign would have been ‘successful’ had it got filled with fantasy and romance and limit action to 10%. I wondered why that person, who says BL is all about romance, watched a show whose genre is action. Then I saw your post about people watching many shows to stay in fandom and I agree. Also you are right about dramas with a complex story receiving heavy criticism. Everything (even lack of proper plot or conflict) is exempted in a romance drama. No wonder most BLs are confined to ‘2 boys and their jealous & crying moments, routine conflicts enhanced by Escola or leads explaining how important Nikon printer is for their relationship’

Well damn hit me in the feels with this appreciation I'ma get all shy and shit.

I always wonder if by "successful" people mean in terms of critical acclaim, story telling, or monetarily. When it comes to Thai shows - and some please correct me if I'm wrong - it's difficult to tell how "successful" they are terms of audience reach/monetarily because there's no easily verifiable information. Like, there's Youtube numbers sure, but The Sign as an example, aired on Channel 3 what were it's ratings total on that channel? Idk, does anyone know that? Sincerely asking lol

Personally the way I like to judge a piece of media is what I call the Roger Ebert method; he often judged films based not solely on whether they were "good" or "bad but by how successfully they accomplished their goals.

If you read his review of Space Jam while it's clear Ebert doesn't think the movie is high art, "You can watch the movie on the sports and cartoon levels, and also appreciate the corporate strategy that's involved. [...] It is difficult for an actor to work in movies that combine live action with animation, because much of the time he cannot see the other characters in a scene with him. But Jordan has a natural ease and humor, an unforced charisma, that makes a good fit with the cartoon universe."

Ebert praises that the film, while filled with obvious product placement and banking on both nostalgia for the toons & star power of Jordan, accomplishes it's goal of being a family for that can be enjoyed by adults and children, and also the ability to blend techniques of live action, animation and 3D rendering.

I bring this up specifically b/c when I see "reviews" of shows in BL - the most common form of meta I see in BL fandom as a whole and that's not a knock just an observation - it's usually always about the narrative. Nothing about the filmmaking. And if there is discussion about he filmmaking it's usually misinformed or worse misinforming - no that's not what aperture means, yaoi framing isn't really a thing in film, the t-shirt is really just a t-shirt, etc, etc.

And like I get why. Fandom is more about story, what the words on a page or what the characters on screen are doing and saying. It's easier to talk about the amazing communication two characters have b/c you don't really need a film knowledge to discuss that. Which is a factor in why I think shows with lower stakes, more streamlined and straightforward plots get praised at a higher, less diligent and harsh level, than shows that are a bit more daring. They're less challenging in structure, they take less risks, so there's less to critique, and there's less room for a show to disappoint.

There comfort food, rather than trying something new at the restaurant. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, again, this is just a general observation.

To me, The Sign is miles better than Cooking Crush on a simple technical level. I only watched one episode of Cooking Crush and I found it pretty mediocre at best from all technical points: acting, editing, cinematography, directing, storytelling.

This isn't to say Cooking Crush is "bad" or that even if Cooking Crush was "bad" people shouldn't like it. I don't give a fuck if people like it, good for you chase the things that spark joy! I like lots of "bad" media, have y'all ever watched Jason Takes Manhattan?

For me, The Sign, like Space Jam, accomplishes it's goals and those were ambitious goals. An action fantasy BL that actually lives up to that premise and looks good?? The fight choreography looks great considering the obviously budget??

Like one of my issues with Laws of Attraction - aside from how painfully disinterested those kisses looked - was the fight choreography was bad.

The characters very rarely land hits in a way that looks real, or even marginally real. I can only speculate they didn't hire a stunt coordinator and/or couldn't hire stunt doubles so there was a worry of injury on set (for both reasons).

This isn't a disparagement on the actor(s) either, like stunt work is difficult and it's important to have professionals on set who can walk an actor through the steps so both them and others don't get hurt. Jackie Chan is probably one of the best known actors alive for stunt work, but watch how many times he fumbles and potentially hurts himself to the point where other actors are actively worried for him:

So yeah I'm going to give The Sign it's fucking gold star stickers b/c aside from some missteps in the gun handling - to many one handed gun fights but even then it wasn't all the time and bullets ran out of ammo! Y'all don't know how exciting for me that was to see - the fight scenes look damn good.

I understand the work that went into them, I understand the pre-production time that it took for the crew and cast to learn that and filming them well is another beast too.

There's a couple scenes with shaky cam that I dislike, but god do I love that first long take in The Sign. I love how good the CGI looks overall again, considering what is probably less budget than Black Christmas (2019).

I'm admittedly, fucking picky about what I watch b/c I'm really lazy and prefer watching films in general. I don't really like TV all that much, but if I am watching a tv show I wanna be impressed with more than just the characters talking to each other. Especially if said show is 12 hours or more.

When I'm looking at a piece of media - a comic, a novel, a film, a tv show - I'm thinking about stuff like "what were it's goals, and did it accomplish them? How was the filmmaking? How was the narrative structure? What is the time/place/culture this was made in?"

I'm not sure if people are arguing if The Sign was "successful" in terms of narratively, monetarily, or critically.

In reality we can only really speculate on how successful a Thai BL is based on data that's not not entirely accurate - social media, youtube stats, awards, etc - and even then most of that is based off international audience.

I can glean that 2gether was successful for gmmtv b/c it got a second season and a film, pretty much skyrocketed Bright and Win's individual careers but again, and created a cross country alliance for activism. But even all that is still speculation not facts (except the alliance that's a real thing that happened lol).

[This is all regardless of my own feelings regarding the show which is not kind. But feelings have nothing to do with individual discussion about how monetarily successful or accomplished a show is or isn't.]

Like it might be valid speculation on both shows but it should always come with a disclaimer of - these are not facts. Also, what is "popular" or "successful" can and will be dependent on individual countries too.

Take Cutie Pie for example, I would argue that it wasn't super "successful" here with American fans, but given how overwhelmingly popular Zee and NuNew are in both Thailand and Korea, I would then argue that the show was a success in Thailand and Korea. So was Cutie Pie "successful" or not? I would say yes!

Because "success" isn't and shouldn't be measured only by how western fans receive a piece of media.

In regards to The Sign, I'd argue it appears to be very successful with only the partial data I have at hand - social media which includes places like twitter, facebook, tumblr, the success of their sold out showing for the finale, a special episode, etc. If people argue it was unsuccessful in terms of narrative, well that's debatable and I have no interest in debating why the show is good except in terms of technical filmmaking and storytelling.

And even then it's a pointless debate like or dislike whatever just don't lie or mislead people regarding film terminology and techniques or harass people because they did like A Thing or clog up the tags with annoying posts about how you didn't like said Thing.

Overall, I don't give "reviews" on things I watch either positive or negative cause, well, I'm lazy lol, I don't believe putting how much I hate a show in it's tags and a thorough rating system would be to much work. I actually like how My Drama List rating system works, I just find most reviews on it to be Annoying lmao. Like giving Kinnporsche a 5 or below is absolutely bonkers to me but whatever es lo que es. But I also don't think my thoughts and opinions on shows are that valuable in terms of discussion.

These are mostly my general thoughts on fandom at large and it's not directly at any particular people its just observations at large across various social media platforms.

I think if you like more squeecore shows that's totally gucci, I just wish didn't proposite that 1) those are the only valid shows in terms of BL/queer media and 2) didn't overhype them to such sky high levels

[chaifootsteps]

I'm a recent animation graduate and this will probably be all over the place but I'll try to stay consistent.

When I first got into HH/HB, I was 14 and got super excited because it didn't seem like it was going to be another Family Guy or South Park (which nothing against them specifically but they kinda have the 'adult cartoon' format). I was excited because it looked like it had a lot of heart put into it and was going to be a show with emotional maturity. Looking back now though I think a lot of that 'heart' I saw before came from the HuniCast streams. Everyone just seemed really passionate and it was really admirable. I used to be a big Vivzie fan and I could never understand why some people didn't like her even when I read the evidence. But the more she keeps going onto Twitter I think the more she's digging a hole for herself. Like it's hard for me to think you can take criticism when you give an entire Twitter thread about why you can :T

I didn't mind HB when it's first season came around and I even defended the circus a little when it came out. But once the high wore off, I realized there were some things to be critiqued here. Seeing Stars really solidified that for me, and Exes and Oohs dug the grave. That freaking dildo scene after Moxxie's backstory felt like such a smack in the face and then after Viv says she added that in because it was funny. The show keeps dicking around with its tone, characters, and plot that I don't know what to take seriously and what to root for anymore. I know the show definitely wants to root for Stolitz (mostly Stolas) from how many passes he seems to fucking get. All the nuance from before fucking vanished!! On top of that, some fan interactions made me realize most people just want Stolitz together to see them fuck and not because they'd actually be compatible (maybe I'm wrong idk I'm AroAce).

It really sucked to see what was happening with Hazbin too. Fans were saying it was A24's fault for the marketing and changes when I'm pretty sure most of that was on Viv (especially with the redesigns i'll never forgive those). A24 is known for giving a lot of creative freedom. And HB's writing made me really scared for HH with how cluttered it all was

I could go on and maybe I'll do it another time but IN CONCLUSION thanks for actually critiquing things that deserved to be critiqued and not letting the raging fans get to you. I've never seen a more rabid fanbase than this one (and I know people who are into K-pop) and Viv just keeps enabling it and vice versa

I'm just glad there are actually emotionally mature adult cartoons out there now that treat its audience like actual grown-ups (Fionna and Cake, Lackadaisy, Arcane, etc) and now that they exist I've realized that the Hellaverse is just not that at all

It sucks, doesn't? I know I've said it a lot, and I'll doubtless say it again, but it's just sad and it sucks. And I think we can be grateful for the good times even as we sit here and wonder how things got so bad.

Emotionally mature adult cartoons existed before Vivzie and they seem to be coming off the assembly line faster and faster these days, and that's a wonderful thing. We just don't need Vivzie anymore, never really did, but certainly don't now. She can pretend she's the only adult cartoon in the world and the only one to ever feature queer characters all she likes, but the rest of us will be over here in the real world.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

OMG WE'RE RANKING HAZBIN SONGS!?!?!?!? MY TURN MY TURN MY TURN!!!

Respectless: Carmilla and Velvette both have such satisfying voices omfg. Also the beat goes sO HARD- it catches your attention and DOESN'T LET IT GO! Also it moves the plot forward very effectively which is actually really important for songs in musicals to do so. That's nice. Tbh it's only flaw is being too short-

Stayed Gone: VOX MY BELOVED- this song is so fucking catchy. It also kinda gives me Will Wood vibes, and I love Will Wood so ofc I'm gonna love the Will Wood ass song. Love how petty Al and Vox are, like it's so fucking funny. The lore drops are also really interesting. Aaaaaaaand Alastor's bit at the end reminded me of the Nowhere King and I love Centaurworld so :)

Loser, Baby: Pretty obvious why this one's so high up; Huskerdust, Keith David, cute bonding, has a message I needed to hear tbh, and its catchy as FUCK

Hell Is Forever: God I love all the different genres they play around with in this show- like I was NOT expecting a straight up ROCK BALLAD in the FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE but god Im so happy we got it. This song goes so fucking hard. Alex Brightman should be allowed to sing more Rock n' Roll.

Poison: Once again, this song is catchy as hell! Blake Roman's vocal preformance is also phenomenal, like that man can fuckin SING!!! Of course he can he's been on broadway and releases his own music bUt you get it. Also that final verse... man. In the context of the episode this song is emotionally devastating, out of context it's uh. Still really sad tbh but it's easier to bop along to it cause you don't have the visuals- Idk it's just a fuckin banger man. Though speaking of the visuals VOX WHAT WAS THAT FUCKING LOOK WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVEY HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ANGE- *gets shot dead*

Happy Day In Hell: Honestly? Pretty neutral on this song. Love Erika Henningsen's voice, I think it's catchy(no duh), and the Disney Princess vibes are IMMACULATE. Not a huge fan of the random shift in the music I wanna say half way through? But otherwise it's a good song I think, conveys Charlie's motives really well.

Whatever It Takes: Okay okay look. It's a good song. Does it's job in the episode. It's just not for me. I think it goes on a little too long, and I think that, while Daphne Ruben-Vega's voice fits the song PERFECTLY, Stephanie Beatriz was singing too high in her range to a distracting degree. Like I think there was something wonky going on because that shit gave me the same whiplash I got when Marinette started singing in the Miraculous movie, and it just. Doesn't fit the style of the song. Like Vaggie's part should've been more belty or something. Idk man I might be too out of my lane w/ this for my critique to be valid, because I have literally never written a song before, and music is VERY subjective so I don't think I can even be objectively right here, but still. Oppinions.

It Starts With Sorry: Look, I know this song is supposed to be a joke, but the first time I saw the episode that did n o t click with me, and without the understanding that it isn't entirely serious this song just feels so fucking out of place and really falls flat. Like it feels like somebody took a song from My Little Pony: FiM, made an AMV with Hazbin characters, and then threw it in the episode, y'know? And like don't get me wrong MLP has some FUCKIN bangers(Say Goodbye to the Holiday, This Day Aria, etc), but a lot of the musical numbers are still really bland and samey, y'know? So uh yeah it's a decent song and a funny joke but def my least favorite so far.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary121

1/13-14/2024

friday - saturday

gonna test the newest export of the #problemsong right nowwwwwwwwwwwww.

okay, i do really really like the new guitar tone itself, so i think everything up to/through distortion i should not touch, i think really i just need to find where a lot of the rhythm is located, i guess. i guess also maybe i should try doing something where i take the guitar again and pan it left and then right, it might have more room that way to be heard better. i guess doubling a guitar that's so fucked up that also has the main riff inside could help. another thing is probably to cut some unnecessary highs, as many as i can get. and then, finally, i think the bass needs to be a little quieter. i'll figure out vocals when i get it doubled. i've just been reticent to do the doubling thing because it can very quickly become too much, plus getting the levels right can be difficult, and i don't want to pan too wide.

i did check another song, also, trying to see about using other tones from other songs in this one instead, and found that the bass was tooooo loudddddddd. always disheartening, but easy.

but today overall was pretty disheartening re: mixing, the confidence level plummets, i get miserable, but right now i think i'm happy. i guess i'll listen again to check but i shouldn't overdo it. it's like self harm sort of, testing if i'll get really upset. but it feels necessary.

i do like it though. i think panning will help bring out the lower frequencies in it, and it'll help the vocals be like, good. plus, since the song sounds like, okay, right now, i don't think the panning will create new/weird problems. so i guess i'll have to get it as close to right so i'm not working on 2 things separately, and then when that's good, double it. i think one way to get more low end out is but doing some of the high cuts, like i said, just not too many, and probably just shelving.

anyway, because of the miserable experience today i took a long shower, i tried to get back into watching the curse but like, i can't with that when i am moody. i did see something funny, i guess like perfectly timed as something for me to go feral on, which was some guy in a discord server doing this whole "i hate art. it's so decadent". he didn't actually say that but he did say people who care about art are idiots, that so many people who make it/are in scenes are stupid, it's annoying when people say artists are 'workers' (like solo artists aren't but when you get to big industrial level animation/filmmaking/graphic design or whatever, then it does become labor (it's obvious his idea of labor has to do with producing "useful" goods)). he said every second working on art prevents one from producing necessities. his posting was so evidently stupid it i guess made me feel something, like, it's so easy to critique it, obviously art isn't 'useful' and is broadly not meaningful in a like, totally material way, or a base material way. but art is a kind of communication, all of it, seeing where it's spectacularized is clearly important but his approach is this self serious and idiotic moral proselytizing, essentially, about how he's concerned about 'the real' and others ought to be too. it really is proselytizing, it's an effort to say to others, without saying outright, your soul needs saving, you are decadent, you are immoral. he brings up how you have to use equipment that people died getting, it's true, all this technology we have has blood on it, everything has blood on it, we live in hell, acting superior for a base materialism that essentially suggests that there is something 'necessary' one can do right now, is insane. what is necessary labor in capitalism, one can help, volunteer, but seeing a dude who formerly drummed in a fucking avant prog band talk about how art is a political failure of some kind because he doesn't understand marx/materialism is fucking irritating. this is the kind of politics someone arrives at via the reactionary mindset social media puts you in, his communist angle is a charade, it's essentially a kind of fascism that sees useless activity as decadent, as i continue to mention. i think what confounds me the most is the notion of utility, any worker right now, any labor, right now, how much of that is necessary, this is all mostly surplus, people volunteering do important work, people in hospitals might be doing important work sometimes. but people doing 'real' work as most people like this conceive it, hard labor, farming, serious 'skills' they imagine people needing on their imaginary utopian communes, this is all stuff that is not meant to last, every building made now serves a purpose of putting forth the appearance of growth and drumming wealth out of land. at this point, despite its relative uselessness, diy art is basically where people are most free/able to feel tethered to/ the possibility of the phrase "from each according to his ability to each according to his needs," his perspective is one that stems from the bourgeois notion that work=suffering, and so he has to suffer like jesus to illustrate to us that everyone is wasting their life force (his perspective is also a vitalist one) on producing useless things, when there is 'important' work to be done. there is, surely, it's just not going to be accomplished by someone who is solely in the grip of ressentiment and moralizing.

it is such a freakishly irritating perspective to see, it's common among certain communists. i really don't like the whole communist infighting thing or whatever, but people make it hard because, to put it bluntly, they are annoying and go on twitter dot com too much and it rots the insides of their heads until they decide they need to post in an art community that is mostly just poor trans women. it really is such a painfully bourgeois perspective.

anyway the rant is cathartic, i'm also under no illusions about either this rant or what i'm doing being important or even good in terms of helping the world, but i don't know, maybe i am just a touch too immoral, being at peace with that. i don't know. i think it's more immoral to create ways of thinking/enforce ways of thinking that make people feel that, if they aren't proceeding in an exact and certain way, of thinking and action, are immoral. it's so ugly.

i want to be liberated and sovereign, not alienated and able to see labor as something happy, to participate in, to do things as they really are needed, for others and myself, i want to be with everyone doing something, to make life happen. but we aren't there, and getting there won't happen by holding onto petty sentiments of the only way through to this is pain and asceticism, and through an excess of guilt.

sorry for the very dumb rant, though, also.

i also have so much energy rnn, it's sickeninggg, i did my workout to give myself energy to help write this but it's like, fucking me up, the morning light + allnighter dopamine are hitting me in a fucked up way, but it feels good.

now i am starting to get tired. i also did get some more writing done after the shower, so today was productive in that way. disappointments in music seem to get me to do better with writing. at least.

okay now it's like 2 pm and i'm not sleep so, idk, but i should go now so,,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[libraford]

I do be having autistic meltdowns. I would have them all the time when I was at the flower shop and when I was living with the roommates because the stress triggers were constant in those situations, and for a year and a half both of those situations kind of overlapped at the same time as lockdown and I did not have much... opportunity to really explore coping mechanisms. Like I knew that my period made things worse, but like... from the start of lockdown to the time that i ended up quitting the shop in the following February I spent a lot of time waffling between zero emotions and VERY emotions. And when I quit that job, I was very emotions for a about a month.

And I was doing pretty well once I got out of there! And then the roommates moved out and I didn't have any episodes at all for awhile, and the only symptom was insomnia.

But then work got really stressful. Like really suddenly. Because I started doing the more complicated stuff for work, which means that there were more opportunities for me to screw up while I learn it. But I wasn't given opportunities to mess up. I was only given opportunities to succeed, which is not how you grow.

The pressure to be perfect is really high here and I was trying, but then I got triggered one day (on my period,)

Because I asked my boss if I could use a specific piece of equipment that I used on a different job assignment, and she said 'No you didn't.' Which is incorrect. Because I remember commenting to another person on my team how much easier it was to use.

And I lost a moment. Suddenly I'm crying and I can't stop. Because I remembered very clearly what I did that day.

And then I started questioning my memory. She starts talking about all the jobs she has to redo because the ones I did were not good enough. I start crying more.

And her solution to this was to send the whole team's images in for group critique (again, on my period.) Where I was confused even more because I was told information that was contradictory to what I was told, and told that 'we went over this in training.'

Where I cried more. And I explained that I needed clarification.

On the next job like this (on my period again), I am met with yet another contradiction, which I point out, and I am AGAIN told that I need to remember my training. I lose a moment, I'm not really yelling at my boss so much as speaking tersely- which she percieves as fighting.

During the employee review, I'm told that she had been going easy on me in the past because she wanted me to stay, but my aversion to criticism is making working with me difficult and she's ripping off the bandaid. She basically describes autism to me in this critique. I ask that instruction be consistent, I ask for instructions to be clear, I ask to be informed when something changes. She says that there's no problem with the instruction, that there aren't any inconsistencies and that nothing has changed.

I have been upset about it since. I was trying to feel better about it, but since she's mad at me it feels like it colors every conversation.

Which brings me to this past week. I go to the doctor and I get real vulnerable about it, she tells me that my outbursts are PMDD and that I should continue the birth control and see a gynecologist about a stronger medication. Then on Wednesday, there is another misunderstanding at work and I'm trying not to lose it because there is no way that all of these misunderstandings are MY fault, especially when the misunderstanding happened when I asked for clarification.

And I've been bargaining with myself about it all week.

So I think... perhaps...my trigger... is having the integrity of my memory and perception come into question. Which seems really specific and not likely to come up very often, but it has happened every month this year. Which is fucking ridiculous.

I have been trying to do stress management, but its really hard. I had to go to the office yesterday to pick something up and I tried to do intentional breathing for like an hour prior and I think all it did was make my blood pressure drop.

I have a lot of dreams about someone being mad at me and it kind of bleeds into real life. I'm trying not to let that color my conversations with people because I know its just a dream. But it is definitely a factor in how I navigate conversations.

I don't know if the progestin is helping, like I said, because I'm having a very big downswing that's lasting much longer than normal. But its a very stressful time right now? But at least I sleep better.

I haven't applied for my summer job yet because even though I was told that the photo job would end in early April, its still going and I want to make sure that the job is over for sure before I apply to parks, and I also have a series of doc appointments next week. But I feel like if I take much more than that I might as well not apply to parks.

But I really am straight up considering just... applying to parks and not going back to the photo place at least for a year. Because you're supposed to remove yourself from stressful situations if you have stress management problems.

Psychosis, or as I like to refer to it: a micro vacation... that sometimes becomes a crossing-the-Gobi-on-foot full blown adventure. Exciting! Seroquel my beloved.

Gonna see if the birth control handles it first, but I kind of started the progestin journey during time of significant emotional disregulation so it's kind of hard to tell if it's doing anything.

[stellocchia]

I think it's been more than two months since I pushed my "Wilbur is remembered far more competent than he is" agenda in your asks.

So let's rectify that, shall we?

Wilbur is pretty fucking incompetent. He's never been that amazing charismatic smooth talker we characterize him as (not that I'm not absolutely behind that too)

Like. Who did he ever successfully smoothtalk? The Lmanbergians? None of them were ever hesitant to join from the very beginning and Eret betrayed them pretty easily when Dream manipulated them.

Techno? Techno wanted to join them, he was the one who reached out to them. There was no convincing needed and Wilbur never convinces Techno of anything Techno wasn't already willing to do by himself.

Dream? Definitely not during the revolution and Dream's support during Pogtopia was Dream following his own agenda, not being influenced by Wilbur in any way.

He couldn't even get Quackity to let him into Las Nevadas.

Nah, the only person Wilbur ever smooth talked is TommyInnit. The fucking powerhouse of this cell. And even that's not completely true. Tommy hasn't been convinced by Wilbur of anything since the very beginning of the Lmanberg revolution. Not during Pogtopia. And not even now (it's not smooth talking if it's just exploiting mental exhaustion and trauma and all that. Tommy isn't convinced of what they're doing.)

Really. Not even Tommy, per se.

He just got Tommy extremely loyal and attached to him.

And honestly, that's all he needs.

You don't need to have influence over everyone, you just need to have strong influence over the right person.

And that's what Wilbur had and has.

Wilbur's accomplishments are just pretty much him having a vision and Tommy throwing himself at it to make it come true.

Wilbur had the idea for L'manberg but Tommy was the one leading the troops. Tommy was the one who negotiated for their independence and got it when Wilbur was negotiating their surrender. Tommy was the one who FOR NO REASON built the escape tunnel they escaped through when Dream blew up L'manberg and he was the one who built the lil panic room at the end. Tommy was the one who's home became the embassy to L'manberg (something Wilbur very much pressured and kinda manipulated him into btw. I'm never not gonna mention that lil detail when the embassy comes up)

Wilbur had the idea and stood around looking pretty. My guy literally stood around looking pretty, without armor, during battles. Just. I love him.

And let's not forget that Tommy was fckin great at being the general. The SMP was so much better equipped and still, L'manberg was kinda winning. To the extend that Dream saw the need for TnT (which was hidden) and the betrayal through Eret (which was hidden)

Dream felt the need to pull two deceitful moves to keep if not even gain the upper hand.

If I'm not mixing stuff up here, correct me if I'm wrong.

And stuff like the tunnel weren't even expected of Tommy. My boy just thought of that on his own and did it on his own. Noone knew it existed. Noone expected it to exist.

After independence Wilbur is implied to have been leading but he generally wasn't around too much. Tommy was keeping order in the more face to face kinda way. He tried to navigate people's personal conflicts and make sure things didn't escalate and just. He did so well.

And Pogtopia? Oh, Pogtopia.

It's a bit more difficult here, since they were no longer on exactly the same side and goals are more muddled but still.

(and I want to make it clear that I'm in no way trying to shame Wilbur for mental health issues or anything. This isn't about that. I'd never fucking even imply that)

Tommy kept morale high. He made sure that other people were fine, when there was a chance. He tried to reassure Wilbur when Wilbur was spiraling, he asked Tubbo if he was happier, he told Tubbo to be safe, he recruited Quackity when he saw the chance while making sure that Quackity's intentions were sincere enough (he didn't just naively offer Quackity a place in Pogtopia and risk it being a trap).

He avoided any kind of destruction to L'manberg as much as possible.

He rallied people.

Really, his one actual flaw was not "turning" on Wilbur. His unwillingness to give up on him or even just incapacitate him or limiting his ability to act as he wanted was what ended up costing him everything. His unwillingness to interfere with Wilburs plans beyond talking to him and threatening him with a crossbow that one time ended up making the 16th possible. And he can hardly be blamed for that.

And Wilbur, during Pogtopia... Well... Nobody liked him, he made everyone uncomfortable and most people just kinda tolerated him because... Yeah...

Without Tommy troop morale would have been abysmal thanks to Wilbur. He constantly put himself and his side down, labeling them as villains and thus morally inferior. He pitted his own people against each other, spread paranoia between his people. No communication or actually planning involving other people. Still refused to wear armor.

And don't get me wrong, that's the point. He wasn't on their side. Obviously Tommy added more to their victory, Wilbur didn't want their victory. But still I just wanna praise my boy Tommy, he was. So amazing. Boy fucking peaked.

He's so good in tactical warfare or whatever you call it.

And I wanna just make it clear that this isn't criticism of Wilbur. Not at all. This isn't criticism at all. This is just about the big fanon perception of Wilbur as this great and mature leader.

Tbh this is actually more about showing people how amazing Tommy was and PLEASE I WANT FICS TO HAVE TOMMY BE MORE OF AN EFFECTIVE POWERHOUSE

Regarding my former ask I just wanted to clarify again that I'm not trying to critique Wilbur or anything.

It's really just that I think it's hilarious how people remember him as way more put together and competent than he really was.

-

Yeah, honestly one of the biggest disservice people have done to c!Tommy in this fandom is fail to portray him as the badass general that he actually was. Like, sure, Wilbur's title was as "general", but he never did anything for it. He gave a few speeches, but then the work was left up to Tommy. Like, genuinely, rewatch the Eret betrayal vod, Wilbur says it openly that he's leaving it in Tommy's hands. And Tommy does manage to lead his troops into an advantageous position! They get their enemies to retire at one point during the very first battle!

Then, of course, there is the betrayal, but, once again, Tommy didn't give up. He built the tunnel for their scuffed escape beforehand and, when everyone was just about ready to give up, he went against Dream in a duel and then traded the discs for their independence without loosing a beat.

Tommy was a BIG asset during that war!

Wilbur mostly was and still is kind of a wreak. And it's not his fault, 'cause mental health is an absolute bitch and he wasn't doing too hot after the war, then it got worse with Pogtopia and even worse during the 13 years in Limbo. And now we are where we are now with Wilbur being... not a great individual.

But still! In Pogtopia Tommy was the de-facto leader. And yeah, that was because Wilbur wasn't on their side anymore, but they didn't entirely know that. Or didn't wanna see that.

Tommy himself was hoping that Wilbur would "come back around" if he managed to get back their country. That was a big motivator for him. And he did everything that was in his power to do to not lose either Wilbur or L'Manburg. He tried talking to Wilbur multiple times, tried persuading him that there was another way, he never bought into Wilbur's ideals, he recruited people and he lead the troops once again. It wasn't Techno that lead the troops (despite him being a much better fighter) it was Tommy. And once everything was exploded and Techno and Wilbur betrayed them? Well he kept encouraging people. Literally I'm begging everyone to watch that vod! Tommy was there at every step of the way, telling Niki that it wasn't over, telling Quackity to keep fighting and, after that, you know who was there to validate Tubbo's presidency? To rally people behind him? It wasn't Tubbo. Tommy gathered everyone by the L'Mantree and got their spirits high once again.

He is just genuinely amazing.

And, like, yeah now Wilbur managed to manipulate Tommy to an extent to be by his side. But that's not that much of an accomplishment anymore because Tommy has just been through so much that he's exhausted now, as you said. Like, remember when Tommy said he wanted to be on Wilbur's side because "he gets things done"? Well, I'm still waiting to see that one honestly...

[anamericangirl]

And I have to respond to this paragraph in particular because it's so awful. You call me uneducated and naive because I don't think abortion is a good solution to the above problems? You are uneducated and naive to think it's a good solution because that means you're ignorant of all the options there are. Plus it's an incredibly cruel position to take. You guys just love playing God here.

Yeah lost me here.

You say I like playing God but I’m not on the side that is forcing or condemning anything. If anything, wouldn’t that be your side playing that role?

I didn’t say abortion was a good solution. I said your priorities are misplaced mainly because abortion bans have historically not worked. If your end goal is to stop abortion, you’re doing a poor job by focusing your main attention on bans that will only lead to back alley abortions that will end in more women suffering and overall no significant reduction in abortion.

You seem too emotional and stuck in your own high horse to actually think critically and not in black and white. Your take on abortion lacks a lot of key details that impact the overall problem. Adoption is not a successful or partially good solution to pregnancy either, we can already see that by the increasing numbers of kids entering the foster care system and less and less families able to adopt.

What you’re pushing for isn’t a solution either, you just feel better about it because in your opinion, anything is better than aborting a non-viable fetus.

Which is fine, but you’re not accomplishing much. What you’re advocating for is just simply more unsafe abortions in the end, and more women dying because of them.

I’m explaining how you’re too stuck in your high moral ground to see the actual truth.

Trust me, you've been lost for a long time.

I say you like playing God because you think you have the right to decide who lives or dies and whether or death is better for someone than foster care.

"If your end goal is to stop abortion, you’re doing a poor job by focusing your main attention on bans that will only lead to back alley abortions that will end in more women suffering and overall no significant reduction in abortion."

This is just abortion propaganda you've been duped into regurgitating. Like I've been saying the whole time, we're not focusing just on abortion bans. That's only one thing we're focusing on. So you are trying to critique a movement you don't know anything about.

You don't even know what the terms you are using mean. Back alley abortions were performed by medical professionals, the same people who performed them when they are legal. They were called "back alley" abortions because the client would enter the clinic through the back door that was usually facing an alley. So it's very obvious you're just repeating talking points you've heard without really knowing what they mean.

I'm not stuck on a moral hight ground, but I don't know why you expect me to take you seriously when you obviously don't know what you're talking about. Literally none of the facts back you up. You are very clearly using terms you don't know the meaning of and expecting me to just accept what you're saying at face value when I know for a fact you're wrong about pretty much everything.

And you want to know a big problem I have with you? You tell me you're not saying abortion is a good solution, yet it's the only solution you'll get behind. Abortion? Not a good solution. Banning abortion? Not a good solution. Foster care? Not a good solution. Adoption? Not a good solution.

If you think all the solutions are bad, why is abortion the only one you support? What do you think the problem is that there is no good solution for?

"Adoption is not a successful or partially good solution to pregnancy either, we can already see that by the increasing numbers of kids entering the foster care system and less and less families able to adopt."

You know fuck all about the adoption industry and foster care system and it shows. If you're going to try to pretend adoption and foster care are justifications for murdering babies you should at least know a little bit about them.

Adoption is a good solution to pregnancy if you don’t want the baby. If a pregnant woman does not want her baby it is pretty much guaranteed they will immediately have a home because there are literally waiting lists of people wanting to adopt babies. So if we're just talking about adoption in relation to pregnancy it's a great solution because there are more people waiting to adopt babies than there are babies available for adoption. You just don't like it because the baby gets to live.

Also, it's important for you to know adoption and foster care aren't the same thing. The number of children in foster isn't connected to adoption. The goal of foster care is reunification with the biological parents so most of the children in foster care aren't even up for adoption.

I'm not advocating for unsafe abortions. All abortions are unsafe because a procedure that kills a human being is not safe by definition.

Your arguments are unconvincing because you’re just repeating talking points you’ve from other pro-choicers without really knowing what you’re saying and your knowledge of what you’re saying doesn’t extend beyond the sentence you’re regurgitating.

Nothing you have said is a good reason to keep on murdering innocent people and that’s what’s you’re not grasping here. There are a lot of societal problems we can talk about and discuss solutions for, but they aren’t justifications to abort your baby considering that does nothing except kill a person.

Getting abortions doesn’t help the foster care system, adoption agency, or anything you bring up to justify it. And I think you need to slow down and think about this topic a little more. So let me ask you a question:

When is it ok to intentionally kill a baby?

[nicoleanell]

I so feel what you said in your tags about WWDITS ultimately not deserving the brain power necessary for meta lol. Like I love this show, but at the end of the day it's a sitcom meant to be funny and sometimes the meta I'll see written about this show feels so at odds with the show itself lol. Not to say that the characters aren't well developed and there aren't character arcs or story arcs, there are of course, but at the end of the day the point is jokes. It's meant to be funny. And I feel like the fandom tends to forget that when writing meta about it.

Before I saw the finale I kept seeing people talking about it like it was the great tragedy, and while what happens is sad and I feel so bad for Guillermo, the actual episode still....plays out like a sitcom. A sitcom with dark humor and terrible events, but a sitcom nonetheless.

It's a great show and I think the writers do a great job, but sometimes I feel like the fandom has a completely different understanding of the genre and purpose of the show.

(Also your gif sets are always wonderful)

Ffff I had written a whole response to this and then tumblr ate it. Thank you about the gif sets!!

But yeah. This isn't to say people shouldn't critique the show when it fucks up or disappoints (I'm genuinely furious about Marwa not being handled better) because "it's just a comedy", but I do think people can set their expectations and investment too high for what this show is - a somewhat mean-spirited comedy with flashes of really good character relationships and development, almost always undercut by very, very silly and dirty jokes.

This last ep was pretty emotionally violent and dark in places by WWDITS standards (hence me not being as excited to gif it as I was for the glorious HGTV ep), but still offset constantly by visual gags and general stupidity. You don't wanna know how dramatic I COULD get trying to unpack whatever the hell is going on with the Compellingly Toxic Mess of Nandor/Guillermo, but then I just step back and feel like I should meet the show's energy where it is and not build it up to something deeper. I see some people wanting to bail out and quit watching after this season and I think that's just not a bad idea, and that's not a value judgment on the type of show they want vs. what WWDITS is.

Anyway I was just saying recently "it's funny" should be the PRIMARY reason anyone sticks with this show or not. (And then "Guillermo de la Cruz, best character on TV" should be the second reason.)

[pechebeche]

hello peach i'm sorry to bother you i just wanted to say that i loved st judas and am glad that you were able to post even part of it. it has a special place in my heart. it's okay if you don't want to answer, but i'm curious about two things:

1. who killed riz?

and more importantly

2. when they kissed for the first time... who kissed who 😳

anyway. again sorry to bother you and you don't have to respond. i hope you have a good day/evening 💞

you arent a bother at all!! much as i am just not physically capable of actually Writing Out the rest of st judas, i. still love it. and i will eagerly take any opportunity to share what my plans for it were, in hopes that it will at least provide some closure for people. <3

1. so, the big question, and bear with me here: zayne darkshadow killed riz. and also, he didn’t.

st judas, you gotta remember, was originally written to tie up s1′s loose ends. at the end of s1, the god sol was knocked out. the balance of the celestial plane was completely upset. shit kind of went off the wire for a lil bit.

for a couple of interested parties, that provided a pretty strong opportunity.

the core plot of the villains didn’t center around killing riz - it centered around fucking up the afterlife. the characters who had been canonically killed at some point - kristen and gorgug - both, you will notice, started having major issues with their abilities not long before the start of the story (kristen losing her clerical abilities, gorgug’s berserker exhaustion ability catching up to him long-term in the form of a chronic illness). one of the reveals of the next few chapters was going to be that vine, the tiefling who was at the nightclub fight, had, in fact, been dead for 10 years prior to the start of the story.

(side note - this was also why riz didn’t see anything after his death! when pok got revealed as a spy in hell in s2 you may remember me very loudly shouting abt how Now My Ideas Look Stolen Damn You. riz not seeing an afterlife was a protective measure from his dad, who was trying to figure out what was goin on from the afterlife side, and the only reason t hat riz wasnt affected by the Resurrection Curse TM. dammit brennan. it’s also why bill and hallariel were ‘alive’ and kicking.)

the major villain - the Man Behind The Man - had kind of wrestled their way into the afterlife in the brief period where sol was unconscious & aguefort wasnt doing his job for him, and had, over the next decade, slowly expanded control over the undead and recently-resurrected. the first thing they could control was ghosts.

so it was zayne’s hand that did it, but zayne wasn’t in control of his actions. in reality:

penelope everpetal killed riz.

2. riz kissed fabian!! i never wrote out the scene but i had a very strong concept for it in my head.

after fighting with aelwen and turning her to the side of good (because i was stanning aelwen redemption a year before fantasy high even announced s2 and i may not have proof of that anymore because rip my old blog but i still refuse to let it be taken from me), there was going to be a big blow-out where aelwen laid out for fabian why it’s fucked up that he made decision based on what he thought was best for her without asking her.

for aelwen, who was used as a pawn for her entire life, it was an especially sore subject. it was meant, dually, to be an expansion of aelwen’s character from the s1/critique of the heavy comphet themes that went into fabian/aelwen at the end of the season - the idea of aelwen as a Thing That Fabian Needs To Save instead of as a person capable of making her own choices - and as a parallel to the way that fabian had abandoned riz for what he thought was his own good and ended up essentially ruining his life for a good while there.

the idea was that riz would go to fabian to comfort him after he and aelwen had that argument. st judas was always a lot of a story abt fabian overcoming those toxic ideas (another thing s2 ended up taking care of), and i do think he would listen to aelwen - and make the connection to how he had treated riz. and the idea is that he would be fumbling through understanding himself, and learning, and trying to apologize

and by the end of the conversation, riz, who has been (rightfully!) angry for so long, and still distant even now, and has been hurt and scarred by fabian and for fabian and unrelated to fabian - i think, when he sees fabian trying, in earnest, to do better for riz, when fabian says, “i did what i thought you wanted, but i didn’t know. so what do you want?” and what do you want, riz gukgak?

“this,” riz says, and kisses fabian on the mouth.

[theenjoninecollective]

Hey, I'm just asking this out of interest because I want to understand other people's thoughts. So I don't mean to be rude or anything, ship whatever you want. But why did you choose to ship enjonine over enjoltaire, as the later is such a popular one?

Mod @viridescentlights 

Is this your way of flirting, hmm? If it was, it’s not working the way you want it. That aside, you say you want to understand and that it’s out of interest, but if it was, why the question at the end? That’s downright condescending. Simply put, your ask never meant to respect our opinions, in the end. In what way does this benefit you at all, hmm? I ask this because the timing of this ask, though given in January, is suspect. Fandom activity in Les Mis has been quite low, but it always has been given the fluctuating interest of people towards it. Furthermore, there are different factions in the group, and I’ve observed that your group is very active. So why bother us, when your group has enough fan art, fanfic, and whatnot? We’re busy enjoying on our own. It does not matter if it’s popular because that is our interest. Unless you want another fic war because you’re bored? Pfft. You could’ve asked in a better way, you know? We could’ve organized a sort of fic exchange and whatnot! Instead you go ride on your high horse and be demeaning. It’s annoying already. 

So, if you want an exchange, just let us know, mate. It’s not that hard to do. Plus, it’s fun. I’ve been able to do one with a good friend who ships enjoltaire. Why destroy when we can make art, mate? Let this be our enemies-to-friends-to-maybe-partners story, yeah? Haha. But seriously. Do not do this rude ask again. 

Anyway, I’ll let my friend do the nuanced discussion. Ta. 

Mod @decembersiris: 

Just because a ship is popular that does not mean I’m going to ship it. Often times now most of my ships are not the popular ones because in the fandoms I am in, the more popular ones end up being really toxic, I have found. And this includes Les Miserables and the enjoltaire ship as well.

Why I don’t ship enjoltaire: the ship itself

I have watched the musical and read the book. I have also watched multiple films and TV series such as the 2012 movie and the French 2000 miniseries. Of course there are more out there and more that I have watched but I’m not going to go into detail, because the point is that I am well reversed in the mediums of the story itself. And in all that I have watched and the book that I have read, the ship does not appeal to me. In the book, it is explicitly said that Enjolras hates Grantaire. And that immediately puts me off against the ship because why would I ship a couple where one of them completely hates the partner. That does not tickle my fancy, regardless if Grantaire loves him. I understand that there are multiple Greek references to homosexual couples to represent Enjolras and Grantaire, but frankly, I don’t care. And I’m allowed to not care. For me, just because there is symbolism, that does not mean the ship is without a doubt canon.  Because as Hugo wrote, regardless of the symbolism, Enjolras hates him.

As some enjoltaire shippers throw at enjonine shippers, that we are homophobic because it is written in the book Enjolras has not interest in women. Yep, I understand that that is there. However the way Hugo shapes this information leaves a lot to be interpreted. Enjolras may not be interested in women RIGHT NOW because he’s so focused on his revolution. That is very possible and very real, that he may not want to establish a relationship because he knows what is at risk, that pursuing a relationship will only lead to further tragedy because he knows what he is doing is putting his life at risk. The way I interpret this sentence though is that he is not interested right now because of the revolution and also because Enjolras, to me, is asexual. Just because he isn’t interested in women DOES NOT MEAN (and many enjoltaire shippers willfully ignore this point) he is interested in men. Enjolras could very well be asexual and not interested in anyone at all.

As for the musical, I appreciate the friends dynamic and I enjoy the interactions they have. But for me, that is not enough for me to ship them. Often times friendships and especially male friendships are default labeled as homosexual which to me is erasure of genuine male friendships which isn’t right. So I appreciate the friendship between them, but that isn’t enough for me to ship them.

Why I don’t ship enjoltaire: the shippers

A huge reason I do not ship enjoltaire has to do with the shippers. At first I could tolerate the shippers but as they became more and more harassing of pretty much the smallest ship in the Les Mis fandom, I began to get pretty frustrated with them. Which resulted in my hatred of the ship as well. Granted, not all enjoltaire shippers are intolerant fucks, but a lot love to overstep their boundaries. They, for some reason, cannot stay in their lane, and continuously harass enjonine shippers and infiltrate the enjonine tag with their bullshit. It’s almost as if they’re so insecure because not everyone ride or dies with their ship that they have to go and ridicule the enjonine shippers. And they frame in the guise of “enjonine shippers are homophobes!” and cry about it in our tag. Calling us homophobes just because we don’t ship their ship is incredibly ludicrous because shipping is FUN and HARMLESS. I don’t care what you ship as long as you stay in your lane and don’t try to force your ship onto others! Those who can’t differentiate between real life and fiction and real life and shipping need to take a step back and reevaluate their lives.

I think it’s funny because many enjoltaire shippers call us queer erasure in an attempt to come off as “woke” which is quite hypocritical on their part because they know that many of us enjonine shippers either view Enjolras as bisexual or asexual. For them to call us that, to me, shows just how ignorant and pigheaded they are; they are fake woke, bashing us for not believing what they do when people are allowed to have different opinions. They’re the ones blatantly ignoring the possibility that Enjolras is asexual or bisexual or even both which, I could turn onto them and call them acephobes and biphobes. But I don’t go to their tag and post a plethora of reason as to why I hate enjoltaire and call them acephobes and biphobes.

Regardless of whether or not enjoltaire is implied in the text, that does not mean I have to ship it either! The ship does not appeal to me. Even if they frickin kissed in canon, the ship would not appeal to me. Victor Hugo could rise from the grave and scream that Enjolras and Grantaire fucked and I would not care. I would not ship them because I don’t like them! For some reason, enjoltaire shippers have their heads so far up their asses, demanding we ship their ship because it’s “canon” through symbolism. They critique us for “not have comprehension skills of the book” but guess what, there are so many people who don’t ship canon! There is nothing wrong with that! And enjoltaire isn’t even confirmed as canon! As far as I’m concerned, it’s all headcanon because nothing confirms a solid relationship. Symbolism can be interpreted. The great thing about literature is that everything is up for interpretation and not everyone has to believe the same thing. There are so many ships out there that go against canon but for some reason enjoltaire shippers think they should get a free pass and everyone needs to ship their ship because their ship is homosexual. But that’s not how fandoms work. Enjoltaire shippers do not have the  right to ridicule enjonine or any other ship just because they think they’re more woke than others for shipping a gay couple.

There was a point where I came close to multishipping Enjolras with Grantaire as well as with Éponine but that concept sank so quick. It’s because of intolerable enjoltaire shippers that I refuse to ship Enjolras with Grantaire and ship him with Éponine even harder.

Why I ship enjonine

In all the different mediums of consuming Les Miserables, I always found myself absolutely adoring Éponine and that’s because I found myself relating to her more than any other character in Les Mis. She is an endearing character with many flaws, feelings, and complexities about her. When I actively found myself liking a character, I’m most likely going to find a ship for that character because I want my characters to be happy and paired. I was also drawn to Enjolras for the very reasons his friends are drawn to him. He’s inspiring, charismatic, and someone who has his flaws as well, who has done wrong for what he believes is right. Both characters are complex because of their beliefs and who they are and I adore them for that. Because of this I want them both to be happy and why not let them be happy together? Éponine could not be happy with Marius because Marius loved Cosette. She could find that happiness with Enjolras! Yep he might not be interested in women because he is focused on his revolution, but the beauty of fanfiction allows authors to tweak canon to suit their fantasies. And there is nothing wrong with that. That’s the whole purpose of fanfiction. The idea of having my two favorite characters get together makes me happy and anyone who thinks they can police my happiness can fuck right off. This ship has gotten me through some of the toughest times of my life and I’ll be damned if I let other peoples’ shitty and harmful opinions devalue that.

The fact that both of these characters have not interacted makes things even more interesting because of the potential they have! I also believe that if they had interacted, their dynamics would be very interesting to see unfold. Because they are both so headstrong and firm in their beliefs, it would make for such engaging fics and it has. I’ve read many enjonine fics and they are so well written and so fun to read because they feel so genuine and sincere to the characters that it makes me ship them even harder. While sparse, there is beautiful enjonine art out there and as a shipper, it makes me giddy.

Not only that, I have met some very sweet and interesting people in the fandom. While very small, most enjonine shippers are so openhearted and encouraging and because of this ship I have met beautiful people made a few friends as well. They have been nothing but kind and have helped me grow as a writer. Because of them my love for enjonine is as strong as it is. While I may not actively participate in the fandom for now, enjonine is the hill I’ll die on. They are my otp because they have helped me through such hard times and as a result made me so happy. So what if I don’t have canon to validate them? So what if other people adamantly despise the ship? If they despise me too, fine by me. I don’t need that negativity and toxicity in my life. I’ll do me and ship what I please and that’s enjonine.

[loplainlointhemorning]

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but what's up with the Courtney Love controversy? Why are people accusing her of manipulation or whatever? I'm totally new to this discussion

hey darling!! no worries, I love discussing Kurt & Court bc theyre my surrogate parents and they emotionally raised me when I had a difficult relationship w my Mom and Dad, plus I’m named after Kurt and he’s part of the reason I realized my ~gender~, so needless to say I have a surplus of information on them. Plus their music fucks. anyways, this is gonna be a masterpost-

my credentials(sources I have taken my information and formed my opinion on Kurt & Court’s relationship from if u need to look into them):

-Heavier Than Heaven(Book by Charles Cross, authorized by Kurt’s estate. Charles Cross is a well known grunge/music historian and has literally devoted his life to researching and writing rockstar biographies, including several on Nirvana. One of my favorite books ever.)

- Montage Of Heck(Documentary on Kurt’s life. Produced by his daughter, Frances. I have some heavy criticisms of this film and of the interviews in it, but it does have some reflections on Kurt and Courtney’s relationship that I think are important.)

- Hit So Hard(a documentary on Hole’s drummer, Patty Schemel. Minor discussions of Kurt and Kurt and Courtney.)

- Verse Chorus Verse(Fan-made documentary series on Kurt’s life, widely regarded by Nirvana fans the most in depth play-by-play biography that exists- and it’s free on YouTube, which is lit.)

sources I don’t pull from, but many younger Nirvana fans do(the people who buy into the conspiracies generally):

Kurt and Courtney- A documentary made in the late 90’s under the guise of biography, but is actually about the conspiracy theory that Courtney killed Kurt. I saw it when I was a new fan and I literally laughed out loud from how apeshit it was.

Soaked In Bleach- ‘Biopic’ about Courtney killing Kurt. I haven’t seen it but straight men who think Courtney is ugly take it more seriously than the Bible. Very little truth ever goes into these theories, besides maybe names and dates.

Anything Hank Harrison(Courtney’s father) has to say- He wrote a book on the subject. He also gave her acid and lost custody of her when she was three years old. He’s a shit parent and I doubt he’s actually seen his daughter since the 80’s.

Anything Buzz Osborne(Kurt’s friend, singer for the Melvins, a band Kurt looked up to in Montesano) says- I think Buzz’s opinion is taken way too seriously by a lot of the fan base, I read an interview of his criticizing Montage Of Heck because Kurt ‘didn’t really have a stomach disease’ and was just lying about it to get high, and also about how he hated having to see Courtney naked, and made a good long point about how disgusting her body is. IOn top of all that(none of which really has to do with critiquing the film...?), he mocked Kurt and called him a loser for committing suicide. I don’t care what your opinion on his stomach, his wife, or his music is, that shit is callous and idiotic, but totally reflective of the 70’s and 80’s mentality regarding the mentally ill. He’s part of the legion of pretentious punk dudes who *kind of* knew Kurt, who think Courtney’s the one who ‘corrupted’ him, which brings me around to answering your question.

So, there’s this idea regarding Kurt and Courtney’s relationship, which is pretty similar to the one surrounding Sid and Nancy’s(or at least used to.) Courtney is the whiny, annoying, petulant bitch who attached herself to the first trophy she could find, and through her terrible manipulative personality kept him with her and kept him from getting better. In this mode of thinking, She’s also the person who ‘started’ him on drugs, and in a few people’s eyes, the person who ‘forced’ him to have Frances.

The reality of the situation, as I see it, as someone who’s gone to pretty decent lengths to inform themselves on the subject, is that Kurt and Courtney’s relationship was toxic: But the toxicity was mutual. This doesn’t mean they were a “problematic” couple, or that they were abusing each other, or even that either one of them was ‘evil’, it means that they fell deeply in love as young trauma survivors with substance abuse issues and huge ambitions. That’s a lot to put on any relationship and it’s a lot to talk about, so I’m gonna split this into categories of complaints that you’ll hear pretty routinely as a new Nirvana/Hole fan.

1. “She got him into drugs!”

Courtney started on heroin in the late 80’s in L.A., when she was still playing with Sugar Baby Doll(her band with Jennifer Finch and Kat Bjelland). Kurt, as said in Heavier Than Heaven, tried heroin for the first time around 1988-1989(I don’t remember exactly.) At the time, he was still living with(though I don’t believe they were still dating) Tracy Marander. Because he was destitute, he didn’t have enough money to start forming an actual habit until Nevermind started gaining speed, and by the time he and Courtney started dating(they met a couple of times and phoned a couple of times before cementing a relationship) he had been taking it for a while. That’s the thing I think people look over when it comes to Kurt- He was embarrassed about his addiction and he hated the physical side effects, but he loved heroin.

Courtney says in Montage Of Heck that she had both tried and kicked heroin by the time she met Kurt, but I think the Heavier Than Heaven description is probably more accurate: That she did heroin socially, and her addiction worsened after the two of them began living together because Kurt was(in her own words) ‘obsessed with oblivion.’ She also said in Montage Of Heck that his dream was to ‘Get to three million dollars and become a junkie.’ She’s stated several times that her drug problems came out of a need for ‘comfort’, and Kurt was into getting so fucked he couldn’t do anything else(also confirmed by his friend, Dylan Carlson, who was also into heroin and did it with him often.)

On top of that, Courtney was the one who orchestrated interventions for Kurt, went through the process of reviving him when he’d overdosed, and broke his syringes/scared off his dealers to try and keep drugs away from him as much as possible. At one point, she even made a rule that no drugs were to be done in the house- So he started renting motel rooms and doing them there. It was she who was the head of his final intervention before he went missing.

If anything, Courtney is the person who tried her hardest to keep drugs away from both of them. Considering how much people still talk about her doing heroin while pregnant(which occurred very early on before she was aware of her condition), Kurt is the person who struggled the most to stay off drugs during her pregnancy and after Frances’ birth, even going so far as to hide in the bathroom from her while she was struggling with morning sickness so she wouldn’t know he was getting high.

2. “She manipulated him into dating her/marrying her!”

Here’s the thing about Courtney; She is an enigmatic, entertaining, talented, maternal individual. Here’s the thing about Kurt; He’s a shy, quiet, non-confrontational guy with mommy issues. There’s been a lot of discussion on how Courtney was ‘obsessed’ with Kurt, and how she wouldn’t rest until she pinned him down: That’s untrue, or at least it reads less like crazy-bitch-steals-rock-god and more like cute-singer-has-crush-on-fellow-cute-singer. She was really into him, but when she met him she was still dating Billy Corgan, which deterred her from pursuing him until that relationship(basically) dissolved. When Kurt met her, he had just gotten out of a relationship with Tobi Vail, which most likely fell apart because she refused to be what Tracy Marander had been for him. She wasn’t interested in caring for him and she wasn’t interested in a full-time monogamous relationship. She was working too hard at her own career and was way too involved in the burgeoning riot grrrl movement to worry about looking after Kurt Cobain. That just wasn’t going to work for him.

Kurt was a big believer in the nuclear family model, he was very monogamous, and besides that he lacked the ability to physically take care of himself. If he wasn’t living with a partner who would clean up the house and remind him to wash his hair, it just didn’t happen. He was chronically ill, depressed, and he’d spent most of his adolescence AWOL from anyone who would actually raise him, so Tobi’s rejection deeply hurt him for a number of reasons- While Courtney, the opposite of Tobi in a few key ways, was exactly what he wanted. On top of looking like the archetypical punk girl, “I was attracted to her because she looked like Nancy Spungen,” she had a maternal streak (In Montage Of Heck, when he’s found sitting beside her while she cuts his hair, and, typical for people living with Kurt, mentions that she cleans the house because ‘nobody else fuckin does.’) Early on in their relationship, Kurt had a meltdown and begged Courtney to come to his apartment. She did, and looked after him the rest of the night, a pattern which would become common for them, and was stated by her half sister to be the ‘original strain on the relationship.’

Besides her mothering elements, Courtney was brassy and loud, and her presence allowed him to be less introverted and freer with himself. She was an ambitious young musician who shared a similar childhood to him, and had the same yearning for a safe home life that he did. She was well-read and artistic, and introduced him to the literary side of music creation, which he hadn’t explored yet. After spending a night on the phone with her, he went around telling everybody she was ‘the coolest girl in the world,’ and broke off another burgeoning relationship with Mary Lou Lord on live TV after spending the night with her. The famous quote, “Courtney Love is the best fuck in the world.” is in fact real. And yeah, he could’ve handled that one better.

The attraction was mutual, and I find it hard to believe that Kurt was ever forced into anything romantic with her based on how well she suited his tastes.

3. “She used him for his fame/money!”

As stated above, Courtney was attracted to Kurt before Nevermind was even recorded, and if she wanted to marry a famous dude right out the gate, at the time they met there were plenty of people who were way more famous than Kurt. In Heavier Than Heaven she mentions really liking their song “Dive,” and later in life she mentioned hearing “Sliver” and being impressed with Kurt’s writing abilities. Both of those songs were released a solid two years before Nevermind. She was interested in Kurt because he was cute and talented and she was savvy in the music scene, meaning that she kept up with underground bands.

Now, a point of contention between Kurt & Courtney was their different attitudes towards fame. That is entirely true. Courtney wanted to be famous, enjoyed celebrity, loved attention, and could handle touring, press, and the craziness of success. She was very charismatic, very physically strong, and let’s face it, definitely an attention whore. Kurt liked being praised, he liked being successful, and he definitely had a thing for attention- But he hated pressure, he had inferiority issues, he didn’t know how to handle his life being pried into all the time, and he wasn’t strong enough to do massive tours. Courtney just didn’t understand that, which is pretty common if someone doesn’t share your same mental illness/physical illness: Touring hurt Kurt’s stomach, it worsened his anxiety and emotional instability, it wore his body out, it didn’t agree with him. He loved playing live but couldn’t handle the mania or the travelling, meaning he didn’t mind blowing off huge tours that would bring in loads of money. Courtney, who did feel envious and intimidated regarding his success, would get angry at him for that- She didn’t want him to blow off massive paychecks and press coverage because it’s not what she would’ve done. I definitely side with Kurt on this, nothing is more frightening and frustrating than people trying to force you to do things you can’t handle health-wise. Courtney, being naturally business-oriented, was also aware of how things appeared to the public, and definitely cared about their image more than Kurt did- One of their fights revolved around her nagging him about how important the “Heart-Shaped Box” music video would be for him, and how he should look good. He reacted by stubbing out a cigarette on his forehead and saying, “Do I look fucking good enough for you now?”

So yeah, Courtney, like a lot of people in Kurt’s life, was all about furthering his career and success. A lot of people read that as her being money-hungry or manipulative, in my opinion it’s just a natural response from a person who’s spent their whole life trying to be a success and wouldn’t really get there until 1994. I think some of it was envy and I think some of it was her using him a little vicariously, neither of which are healthy but neither of which are malicious, either. She wanted to be a rockstar, she was ready to be a rockstar, she wasn’t; He thought he’d wanted to be a rockstar, he didn’t really want to, he was.

4. “She emotionally abused him!”

I hate to say this because I love Kurt so much but, as someone who’s been through a codependent relationship where they were bailing water out of a sinking boat, Kurt’s behavior throughout their marriage set off way more red flags for me than Courtney’s did. I don’t think he was actually abusive, but I do think he was a little too underdeveloped and unresolved to be married to someone. He had to grow up slower than everyone else because he missed out on having concrete mature influences, which Courtney did as well, and like I said earlier I think a lot of their problems came through a lack of adult communication skills. Both of them were really jealous people: Courtney couldn’t stand Kurt talking about Mary Lou Lord or Tobi Vail, Kurt was completely convinced that Courtney was cheating on him with Billy Corgan(even going so far as to talk to their lawyer about a divorce shortly before he died.) This was the catalyst for a lot of mind games and unnecessary drama, especially coming from Kurt.

Kurt couldn’t handle conflict. He was really passive aggressive, and would do things to purposely piss Courtney off or communicate to her that he was displeased. While she was trying to stay clean he would declare that he was going to do drugs in the apartment, when she started talking to a psychic to help her with her problems he mocked her and put her down, when she staged his final intervention his entire argument against rehab was that she was just as ‘fucked up’ as he was(she had already agreed to go into rehab, though whether he was aware of this or not I’m not sure.) He made his first suicide attempt by overdosing on Rohypnol on their wedding anniversary because she took some pills and fell asleep and he decided that meant she wasn’t interested in him anymore. I’m not arguing that that’s an irrational response to your partner getting stoned and falling asleep, especially when he’d apparently set the night up to be as romantic as possible, but the overdose put him in a coma and sent Courtney into hysterics.

Her mental health began to decline due to paranoia that he’d end up dead, and her weight dropped due to the added stress. As someone who’s been through a pretty similar situation to that and exhibited the same symptoms, I can tell you that it is never okay to use a suicide attempt to deal with a perceived injustice from your partner. By this time, Kurt was facing either getting clean or dying, and his behavior was very depressed and erratic, so there are explanations for the way he was acting and I don’t think he was trying to manipulate her with a threat. Despite my understanding of that, there is nothing more exhausting than being the caretaker of someone who is hellbent on never getting better. I can’t imagine being the caretaker of someone who won’t stop until they’re dead, and I do think at that point it would’ve been better for them to separate.

But that isn’t to say Courtney wasn’t toxic herself, I’m not trying to paint a wholly negative image of Kurt here. I’m merely trying to stand in the way of Nirvana fanboys who have no grasp on the more sickly sides of his personality, and give Court a bit of a break. Definitely, she struggled with her jealousy: As stated, she never wanted his ex girlfriends mentioned around her and would tear them apart if they were. She was ambitious and career driven, which eroded a lot of her platonic relationships/working relationships as well her marriage to Kurt. She was one of the people who was pushing him to recover in time to play Lollapalooza, and she was one of the people who pushed him into his last stunted tour before his death. She weaponized his relationship with Frances in ways that I and most people agree are gross: She told him he should be playing massive gigs to support his daughter(though their medical and legal bills were big they were hardly poverty stricken), and admitted in an interview later that she called him in rehab once to tell him he’d dropped Frances on her head(She mentioned during this that Frances was wearing a furry hood, and that he didn’t hurt her. In my opinion he was doing his best by even trying rehab again, and that he was already so worried that he was a terrible father that it was just cruel to make him feel worse.)

She has a tendency to be self-obsessed, and to put her own self interest before people she cares about, even if she regrets it later. She struggles herself with mental illness and addiction, both of which tend to give a person poor judgment regarding the people they care about.

Once again, Courtney and Kurt weren’t a healthy couple, but it wasn’t because they were evil or abusive towards one another. They cared for each other deeply, they had a very pure devotion. Underlying all this nastiness were two people who prayed together, wrote together, fantasized about a Valentine’s Day wedding, and faxed each other R-rated love letters like modern versions of James Joyce and Nora Barnacle. During one of his more successful stints in rehab, Kurt wrote Courtney love letters every night(though he did decorate them with blood, wax, and semen.)

They had some serious therapy they needed to attend, the both of them. But 90% of these demonizations of Courtney are either untrue or blown out of proportion.

[beybladeimagines]

How would the All Starz comfort an s/o who's feeling worthless from depression and being crushed from their too high self-expectations? (If you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm doing fine! I have support but sometimes it's easy to slip back into that way of thinking, you know? Keep up the good work!)

Mod Note: I’m so sorry I just now got to this, but thanks so much for your support and being an angel. I also appreciate you telling me that you’re okay, because I did low-key panic. But I love you and hope you continue to find happiness in the new year. 

MAX: Despite his cheerful exterior, Max knows the feeling of depression all too well. The feeling arrived the moment his mom left him and his stuck with him for years. It even seemed to escalate when he realized just how much he had to do to get his moms eyes back on him. Meeting expectations, especially hers, was pretty rough. Although much time has passed and he’s found ways to cope, it does arrive in waves and he’d never wish the feeling on anyone. So, when he realizes that his partner is experiencing the same thing, he can’t help but internally corrode. I just imagine him with his arms out, approaching his partner, and slowly bringing them to his chest. He gets it, so he finds himself holding the other tighter and tighter. He hopes that all of his love sinks right into their skin and finds a way into their heart. He isn’t exactly sure who made them feel that way, but he wants them to know just how unbelievably happy they’ve managed to make him. He knows that sometimes, we as people tend to prioritize others in our lives and their views of us hold a tremendous weight… But he also knows that validation from someone else can really reassure you that you’re doing the right thing. Upon holding his partner, I can see him kneeling before them, making sure that their eyes are on him as he speaks. If they’re crying, he’s there to wipe away those tears and smile while praising the fuck out of them. He’d bring up significant stories of their time together - all the moments in which his partner managed to change his perspective, or made him happy, or motivated him. He wants the other to know just how powerful they really are. He never even had expectations for them, but somehow they managed to make a profound impact on his life so effortlessly. Max would give it his all to remind his partner of their worth. It’d be a very memorable and emotionally intimate experience.

MICHAEL: His first instinct is to get angry, but never at his partner. Michael is truly a free spirit and seldom commits to anything or anyone (except for his team). So, when he’s finally found someone that he’s so completely addicted to and enamored by, he treats their pain as if it’s his own. His partner becomes his everything - I mean literally, he elevates them. At first, he wouldn’t understand the source of their suffering. It’s an innocent thought - he just thinks their so perfect, how could anyone possibly think otherwise? You’ll have to excuse his behavior, because he’s never had to think about anyone other than himself. The first thing he’d ask his partner is, “who do I have to annihilate?” He’d probably reach for his bat too, as if assuming that someone else was responsible for making his better half feel that way (and that violence is the only way to address it). Although his outrage might appear concerning, he’d never do anything without their permission, but he’d try to explain his actions. In the heat of the moment, he’d end up spewing out every single reason as to why he loved his partner. And how he just can’t wrap his mind around people who can’t see the exact same perfect person he does.

However, Michael can empathize with not being able to meet expectations as well. After all, he couldn’t meet Judy’s expectations and didn’t get a chance to play in the championships. Of course that was devastating and he had to rely on his own ego to keep from feeling like an absolute loser or failure. He knows how broken he was, and he’d want to make sure his partner never experienced the same low as him. He’d most likely use that opportunity to open up to his partner. Upon explaining his feelings, he’d most likely add how suddenly Judy’s expectations meant nothing when he found his significant other. He managed to reevaluate his definition of success. It no longer looked like being the All American Hero. Success ended up looking like a stable relationship with his partner and as far as he was concerned, he got that. So, he’d ask his partner to think about those expectations and reexamine them. 

RICK: He usually struggles to display his honest affection outside of aggression, annoyance, and the occasional narcissism. However, Rick is actually empathetic and the perfect person to serve as an ear for his significant other. At first, he’d listen in silence and pay attention to the subtle ways in which their voice cracks and quivers, their pauses, the words they use, and so on… Rick is trying so hard to understand and pick up on every little detail that others would otherwise neglect. He knows just how far someone can sink thanks to depression - he’s experienced it himself. Although he’s used those negative thoughts as fuel, he understands that it’s not always easy to do what he did (hell, he barely did it). As his partner is speaking, I just imagine him putting both of his hands on their shoulders mid sentence. He’d press his forehead against their own and breathe out softly through his nose. I can imagine him saying, “you’re too hard on yourself…” And that’s pretty powerful coming from someone who’s always hard on themselves as well. Although he can justify that behavior towards himself, he doesn’t think his partner should be doing it to themselves.

I can picture him listing off every thing he loves about his partner, all while offering kisses in between every statement. But all at once, he’d want to work through those thoughts with his partner. He’s not usually good with his words (unless it’s being sassy), but he sincerely wants to try for them. He’d listen to where there head’s at, but I see him always having a rebuttal to every piece of self-doubt and uncertainty that his partner extends. Rick isn’t the type to be encouraging - let’s be honest, he’s put a lot of people down. So to see him extending praise so effortlessly (like, literally, not even seconds after his partner spoke), just shows you how highly he thinks of his significant other and how much faith he has in them to meet all their goals. But, he’d also critique some of those goals and expectations if he found them harmful. Affirmation is great, but he calls bullshit on anything that has the potential to hurt them.

EMILY: If it were anyone else, she’d tell them to suck it up. Emily has tremendous trust issues and doesn’t like it when others are vulnerable around her. However, when it comes to her partner, she exerts all of her energy and attention on them. Again, Emily feels uncomfortable and intimidated by vulnerability. She knows that people take advantage of emotions, but she’d never be the type to do that to her partner. Her partner would be the first person to confront her with depression and although Emily is well-read on the topic, she’d struggle with truly understanding it. She takes this opportunity to really hear her partner out, to really familiarize herself with these emotions and the source of them. Honestly, Emily would ask some great questions and you can tell she’s trying to really empathize with her partner in order to avoid saying something unnecessary or stupid. She understands expectations. She has set many for herself and constantly curses at herself for not meeting them. But… If her partner doesn’t meet them, she doesn’t think they’re a failure. Rather, she thinks they’re so brave for trying so hard. 

Emily will begin to admit her admiration, but she’d be careful to avoid sounding as if she’s encouraging the kind of expectations being set. She’d tell her partner that some goals just aren’t meant to be reached. Although it’s a hard pill to swallow, especially for her, she is trying to transition into his idea that it’s so much better to focus on goals that are attainable, not self-deprecating, and not established thanks to the influence of others. Honestly, while speaking, Emily is also internalizing this advice for herself. She thrives from communication and wants to have a genuine and intimate conversation with her partner. Eventually, she’ll realize that she needs to shut up, so she’ll simply guide her partners head into her lip and start playing with their hair. She’ll allow her physical presence to serve as a distraction, but continues to encourage her partner to speak - regardless of what the topic is.

EDDY: Eddy would most likely attempt to distract his partner immediately. Sometimes, people don’t want to talk. Sometimes, it’s scary to actually vocalize the very things you wish weren’t weighing on you. Having to repeat expectations can be frightening and he doesn’t want his significant other to make those expectations seem as if they’re real and should be worthy of their emotional labor. So, he’d swoop in, quite literally (probably picking them up bridal style and swinging them around) before taking them out somewhere. It’s not that Eddy is avoiding the issue - rather, he’s also aware that it’s probably not best to manifest that negative energy in a space devoted to love and relaxation. He’d encourage them to speak when they felt comfortable while they were out walking, or while they were watching the stars, or while they were at an amusement park. He wants to be surrounded by things that can easily lift his partner when he sees that they are sinking. His mentality is very much “I have to get you out of here. I have to make you feel good. I don’t want you thinking about things that don’t make you happy. I want you to always be surrounded by the things that can put a smile on your face.” So, in other words, he wants to make every place a safe space, but also allow his partner to escape if they aren’t in the mood to confront their feelings.

STEVE: Steve has learned to be a bit more sympathetic, but continues to be straight forward. When he goes his injury, he realized he couldn’t meet a lot of the expectations he set for himself. He understands exactly what his partner is going through, but instead of making it about himself, he continues to stay silent and listens to them the entire time. He’d be the type to pull them into his chest and slowly rub their shoulder. He uses a lot of physical gestures to calm his partner down and to put them at ease. Through physical therapy, he’s learned how simple gestures can make profound impacts on the body, so he’s passing that knowledge down in order to make his partner as comfortable as possible. 

[chaifootsteps]

I was around for VERY early TCS fandom-- during the leaks circulating-- and I do vividly remember a lot of people saying that they HATED the Devil's voice. Even nowadays I see a lot of people lament about how they feel like the Devil isn't an intimidating antagonist which... meh, but he isn't trying to be. At least not all of the time. It's still a critique I see levied against the show that the Devil is too silly/pathetic/effeminate and as such, isn't a good threat, which I disagree with.

I'm ASSUMING Hazbin Lucifer is trying to fill a similar role of being silly and upbeat without necessarily asking to be taken seriously as a threat-- or at least not being taken as a threat in this context-- but who knows tbh. All we have to go off of is a pretty short clip which doesn't exactly give the impression of his full voice range. My impressions for the Devil's voice from TCS leaks were a LOT different than the range Luke Millington-Drake ended up being able to achieve with him.

Though again, I don't care if people like his voice or not. I'm not planning on watching HH and I can't stand Vivzie. I just found it interesting to note the similarities between early reactions to Cuphead Devil to early reactions to Hazbin Lucifer, especially operating under my memory of Vivienne having seen and enjoyed TCS. I've also encountered men with a similarly high/young-sounding vocal range to Lucifer, so maybe that's why it didn't pop out as egregiously distracting to me.

I'm also genuinely curious to know what kind of voice people imagined / previously headcanoned / would prefer to him to have given his design. I think given his appearance that young and twinkish is fairly fitting, but (similarities to the Devil be damned) I think if he had a bit of a British accent, it might make his voice sound a bit better. But maybe I'm just biased towards British accents.

(sorry for this being long lmao, I originally typed this out as a reblog but then remembered you rarely ever respond to those)

Ehh, I still think the situations are just too different to compare. If I saw leaked clips of Cuphead Devil talking after being deeply invested in the games I would absolutely be annoyed, and justifiably so, just because Show Devil and Game Devil are fundamentally different characters. The latter's a stogie chomping loan shark, the former's campy and silly, and that takes a while to digest.

(If they still think Devil's not intimidating after watching the show, I can only assume they nodded off through half of it. Dude's scary as fuck.)

That's not what's going on with Lucifer. We know that Lucifer's meant to be this big, theatrical Broadway guy and that Vivzie's headvoice/dream voice for him was Weird Al. That's what I pictured, what I think a lot of people pictured, something goofy, but capable of carrying a dramatic moment. I pictured this.

There were plenty of other voices that could have fit that role, some older and some younger, some accented and some not...and what we got, somehow, is a Chris Kirkpatrick soundalike and a boy band style pop song. It's not just the voice, it's the music, the lyrics, the everything.

That's why nobody's liking this, because nothing about it lines up with what we were lead to expect. It would be like if Vox sounded like a surfer.

[yaboymercury]

Gassy Lessons - Fourth class: Sports

Jay had been attending his 'Fart training' with Mr Watts for about a week and half and he was beginning to build up a good technique. He had adjusted his diet slightly and learned some better ways off letting out the gas, according to his teacher it was becoming quite impressive. Between moments of flirtatious farting with his science teacher, he told Jay that he was maybe ready to test out his gas on other people. He didn't really understand what this meant but he took it into consideration.

It was his last class of the day sports, it was the season for team sports which he usually enjoyed but not having any proper friends in his group he found it pretty boring. The lesson started off with them all getting changed in one of the locker rooms while they waited for their coach. During this time most students chatted with their friends but Jay just stood in the corner of the room and just waited for the lesson to start while changing, he didn't mind embracing the mysterious loner stereotype for just one year. Unfortunately it wasn't so uneventful on this particular day as a group of guys decided they wanted to be pricks.

"Hey man nice haircut" One guy called at Jay in a sarcastic way. At this time Jay was sporting a buzzcut but when guys wanted to be rude he guessed they just made fun of anything. He just rolled his eyes in response.

Another called since the first remark didn't get a response "Oi nice ass man bet your boyfriend loves it." While his friends laughed at this Jay just found it funny, and he did have a nice ass he had to admit. But he knew a good way to respond to the guys.

He stepped a bit closer to them which confused them "Well guys when you get a closer look it really isn't that 'nice'" Be turned around sticking his butt towards them and lifted one leg in an exaggerated manner.

FFRRRRRRRRRAAAAP

"The fuck man!" The guys immediately began complaining and Jay was proud. He had filled the close vicinity with his own wretched stink cloud. The assholes drew their sports shirts over their noses as they looked at Jay saying shit like 'dude that reeks' and 'that's fucking disgusting'. Jay just chuckled to himself as he finished changing, while he'd gotten stares from the rest of the room with some waving their hands in front of their noses while others laughed with Jay he had gotten the perfect reaction. He considered that he might be happier with the label of gassy mysterious loner.

Soon after however while the hint of stink was still lingering the coach entered, however his only reaction was slightly raised eyebrows after a quick sniff. He was another one of the many teachers Jay found attractive having a muscular but shorter than average frame which he made up for with his intimidating face giving off a serious energy, his semi-permanent frown hid what would be considered a handsome stubble covered face with a masculine short black haircut.

He told the students to follow him out to one of the fields of the school telling them they would be playing football today, split into two teams and he would be refereeing as well as giving them critiques.

Jay wasn't the best football player and as the game started up he remembered just how little he really understood some of the more minute rules. After just a few minutes of the game while he attempted to get involved and steal the ball from another player, everything stopped and apparently his technique was considered a foul. When the coach had to get involved he wanted to stop the conflict as soon as possible and gave Jay a red card making him leave the game and stand by him for the rest of the match, Jay wasn't really that invested in a game he didn't care about to he went without hesitation enjoying the thought of just being lazy for the rest of the hour.

Jay was ordered to stand next to the coach and watch the game to maybe learn something, but Jay really didn't care for sports. He instead was much more interested in eyeing up the coach and attempting to remain subtle. The man had a bulbous ass and him wearing the tight gym shorts made it look amazing. Despite all the gassy interactions Jay had been having with teachers recently, nothing could stop the young man's sex drive.

Jay had only been standing next to the the stoic teacher for a couple minutes when his stomach gurgled. It was obviously the Triple egg and cheese sandwich he had eaten for lunch kicking in. Jay was still riding high on the confidence he got from gassing out the changing room and he was kind of interested in seeing how his serious coach would react. So he raised his leg once again garnering a glance from the man next to him.

PRRRRRRRRAPPTTTTTT

It wasn't loud enough for the students playing to hear but the coach obviously had and was now surrounded in a fog of Jay's eggy wrath which he was proud of as he took an loud sniff.

"Phew that's a stinker don't ya think?" He was playing it up but as this point he didn't care, he was having too much fun.

For the first time in what seemed like forever Jay saw the man smile it was mischevious but the way it made the man look almost made Jay's legs buckle, he was hot. And to get that reaction from a fart was interesting.

"Huh turns out there is some potential in this class." Even though the statement was about farts, the stinky boy blushed at it. While he was still in shock however the coach smirked and leaned away from him and turned his ass a bit in his direction.

RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAARPPPPP

It was a roar of malodorous wind blasting warmth on Jay on the cold day, but it reeked of rotting meat.

"Try that one on for size." The deep voice said to Jay who was staring back at the teacher as well as making to look at the ass which shot out the gas which was making him cough, at least he has an excuse to.

Jay attempted to recompose himself next to the teacher who had resumed staring at the game. The student still had some gas in his tank and thought he should probably kick it up a notch, be more bold. He stepped closer to the coach after he checked to see no students were looking and stuck his ass out to touch against the side of Coach's waist.

"What are you-"

PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

It rumbled deeply against the man's waist and once it was done Jay strolled back whistling at the eggy stink he had forced onto the teacher who was looking at Jay with a pleased shock and after he took a deep intentional sniff he even grimaced a bit making Jay exceptionally happy.

"How's that taste Coach?" Jay asked cheerily.

"Good..." He replied, the man trailed off at the end, Jay looked at him and could tell he was deep in thought, he'd began looking at the students playing but there was something more predatory in his eyes.

Jay watched along with the coach until one of the students, one of the guys who had been fucking with Jay in the changing room actually, made a slight mistake. None of the other students complained but before they could start playing again Coach blew his whistle and beckoned over the boy who glared at Jay as he jogged up to them.

"What's wrong Coach?"

"That was a clear foul, your here for the rest of the game."

The boy sighed but accepted his fate not wanting to argue with such an assertive man, so he went to stand in the gap between Coach and Jay while Coach whistled for the game to continue. They stood in silence with the student occasionally giving Jay dirty looks, after a while Jay looked over at the teacher who made eye contact with him. But by the way the coach stared at him Jay realised he was trying to say something, his eyes darted from Jay to the boy in the middle and then he winked his a small smile. Maybe this was a test.

Jay extended his hand to the student "Hey man I'm sorry about my smelly incident earlier..." The other boy looked at him like he was a complete freak but obviously didn't want to leave Jay's hand hanging in front of him so he took it, but that was all Jay needed. He grabbed the boy's hand tightly and tugged him down quickly making him trip up behind him. While the student was still in shock behind him on the grass Jay crouched a little pointing his ass straight at him.

FFFFRAAAAAARP

The eggy blast hit him point blank.

"Yeah man sorry for not making you smell another!" As the boy wretched at thr rotten gas gagging him Jay just laughed at him while he tried to catch his breath while staggering to his feet.

"Coach did you see that, this dude just farted on me it smelt fu-" he stopped himself from swearing in front of the teacher "-terrible!" But while he was attempting to talk reason to the coach he was staring at the game and replied quickly "What?" Jay snickered as he was surprised how good at acting dumb the coach was. The other boy was left dumbfounded at the injustice but Coach just backed up his question with "Don't make stuff up kid, keep your eye on the game."

The student just huffed as turned back to Jay gave him a death stare "Dude you fucking stink."

Jay found this attempt at an insult hilarious, he could practically see the smell of his gas radiating off the guys face "Man what are you talking about?" he giggled back.

The confrontation couldn't go any further when the both heard the coach click his fingers startling them.

"Hey you," Coach looked at the other boy "could you pick this up for me?" He pointed casually with one finger at the grass behind him which had the pen usually clipped to his belt sitting on it. Of course it would be easy for Coach to pick it up but the student wasn't about to talk back to him so he quickly began walking over to the ground to get it. As the boy bent down to pick it up behind Coach the man crouched a little and flashed Jay a grin. The asshole's head was in the danger zone.

FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPAPAAPAPPAPPPPPPTTTT

It bubbled doftly and powerfully out of Coach's ass and obviously hit the boy like a ton of bricks making him stumble and fall down even deeper into the source of the overwhelming stench. While the amazed Jay was standing several feet away the wave of wretched warmth hit him pretty quick and even he started coughing a bit at the meaty stink. But it was nothing compared to the other students reaction who was having a full on coughing fit on the ground, but he was beginning to stand up again, however slowly.

"Jay come on and help your fellow student." The tone of the teacher's voice was not very sincere so as Jay hurried over he interpreted Coach's instructions as he squatted over the other student.

FRRRRRRAPPPP

It was pretty abrupt but the eggy blast mixed with the meaty fog did the job as the boy stayed down with wet eyes and curled up loudly coughing and wretching.

Jay stood up and gave the boy a look of deep fake concern. The Coach whistled once again.

"This student is having a serious athsma attack over here so we'll go and help him in the sports office, you all can play on until I come back." He bellowed at the others. They didn't seem to really care that much as they carried on, so per orders of the Coach Jay helped the man get the wretching student on the Coach's back and they jogged back into the changing room. However instead of making the turn into the sports office with any medical supplies, Jay instead followed him into the dimly lit small sports supplies room where Coach promptly dumped the boy onto a pile of mats where he lay still coughing.

Coach turned to look at Jay with his restrained but unbearably attractive smile.

"Now we've had our fun but, we've got to make sure this kid doesn't remember shit." It was nice to hear the coach speak more informally and it was even nicer that he was holding the blushing farter by the shoulders telling him this. Jay just nodded smiling deliriously, the flatulence had obviously gotten to his head.

Coach had quickly gone to get something and left to get something and had left Jay in charge on keeping an eye on the idiot student. He was beginning to recover pretty fast and had sat up now. "The fuck are you two doing this shit for?"

Jay just checked his nails for dirt saying "The fuck, I didn't know fart cushions could talk?" giving the other boy a passing glance. The other boy was getting frustrated he got to his feet and stomped over to Jay shocked at the sudden movement, the student got right in his face.

"I swear to fucking God if you talk about farting one more time..." he just snarled at the end but Jay was expecting something like this as he had one hand down his trousers cupping and SBD he was letting out.

Chuckling at the other enraged boy who didn't even have time to raise a fist, Jay raised his cupped hand up to the boys nose. "Oh you means farts like this?" Unfortunately Jay wasn't good enough to knock him out just yet but the stink was a good enough distraction as he began to cough again. Jay shoved the boy back to the ground for the second time in the day and did what felt most natural as he straddled the boy down with his ass resting on the boys chest leaving him right in Jay's firing line.

This was just the time Coach came back in carrying in two protein shakes. "See you're one step ahead of me." Jay grinned up at the teacher as he restrained the other boy who was starting to struggle again. "You're really bringing out the contact sport in fart I like it."

"I made room for you Coach!" He said patting the boys face which was clear for landing.

"Nice work young man, now you drink one of these, they're my secret weapon I think our friend here will enjoy their effects."

As Coach sat down resting on the students face giving him a little room to breathe, Jay backed up making sure not to miss the opportunity to be ass to ass with his coach. They both chugged their shakes and not even a minute after Jay heard his Coach's stomach rumble almost in synch with his own. It was time.

"You ready Coach?"

"You should be more worried about yourself!"

FFFFFRRAPPPPPPPPPPPTTT

BRRRRRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

PRRRRRRRRAAAAAAATTTTTT

RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAARPPPPP

The onslaught of gas coming out of the two men's asses overwhelmed the boy underneath them who passed out at the mix of eggy and meaty toxic stench, but it wasn't really about him.

FRRRRRAAAARPPPPPPPPP

PRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPTTT

RRRRRRRRRRAPT

The gas kept going rumbling between the two's vibrating asses shaking the room which felt like an earthquake to Jay. The sensation of being ass to ass with the sexy moaning teacher in relief while having warm gas in between them was starting to make Jay hard but he wasn't properly capable of thinking of that as the smell of them both letting rip was getting to him.

BBBBBBBBBBRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFPPPPPP

FFFFFAAAAAARRRRRRRRPPPPPPTTT

BORRRRRRRRRRRRRAPTTTTTT

The toxic fog in the room was beginning to become more dominated by the personal stink of the coach as Jay realised that he was slowing down while his teacher was going strong. However once Jay was out his teacher abruptly stopped and looked over his shoulder to see Jay's erection.

The older man stood up off what may as well have been a decomposing corpse, at least by the smell of the face, and got in front of Jay. And in doing so showing off the hard on he as well was sporting.

"I see we're both getting quite a unique pleasure from this Jay." Jay wasn't all there, being in what felt like another stench filled realm of existence, but he was liking it, despite how bad it stunk, he was still turned on. "Now how about's I finish you off too I need to get back to my class after all" He turned around and pulled down his shorts revealing a hairy ass being held taught with a jockstrap. And despite the stink Jay thought he was in heaven. "Go for it Jay."

Jay dove in, but in his state all he could do was nuzzle the man's crack appreciating his musk on top of the overwhelming stench of his flatulence. He felt his asshole twitch and knew what was coming.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFTSSSS

The meaty stink singed his nostrils as it invaded Jay's body. Despite thinking he would ever get used to something like this we was wrong, his body couldn't handle such a putrid smell and he was out.

When he eventually woke up he was back in the changing room. He noticed pretty quickly he was next to the boy who he and the coach tortured but he looked like he wouldn't get up for a while, Jay considered the idea that he might be in a fart induced coma but unfortunately his breathing felt pretty present if not a bit damaged. Jay saw on top of his regular uniform a scrap of paper with a phone number on it. Jay smiled at what this meant and when Jay noticed that on the back it said 'For a stinky workout partner' his smile deepened. Inspired by this he decided that before he left he would leave a few gassy gifts on the boy next to him.

[freddiesaysalright]

(you know how much i'm so weak with what you write with Gwilym so i have an other request with him) you are his gf, and you work in a bar, you don't know it but he wanted to surprise you and pick you up at your work. when he arrived he didn't know that some guys were saying bad things about you and critiquize you and in front of you. and you left to change because you were finished, and when you went to leave your work they continued, which did not please Gwil at all. 1/2

a little moment later when you are back at home you throw yourself on your bed and you cry and explain after Gwil that you are reliving what you lived younger and you lost all confidence in yourself. 2/2 (The last things is what i live, i live bullying for 9 years, and lost all confidence in me. and you write is a real escape for me ❤)

You’re so sweet, friend. I hope you enjoy this one :)

It was a slow night at the bar. There were only a few patrons, spread out across the chairs, and most of them were alone except for a pair of businessmen sitting together. They were clearly having a meeting since they had ordered food as well as drinks. You walked over to close the tab for a middle aged woman who was a regular.

“Thanks for stopping by, Alice,” you said sweetly as you slid her card back to her. “It’s always good to see you.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” she replied. “You make a martini like no one else.”

She waved goodbye and you went over to the businessmen.

“How is everything for you gentlemen?” you asked.

“It’s okay,” one answered. “Only my meal came out lukewarm.”

“And you forgot my side salad,” the other added.

“I’m so sorry,” you told them. “Here, I’ll have the kitchen make you a fresh plate and I’ll grab that salad for you right away. What dressing did you want?”

“Italian,” he replied.

You took the bad plate and stepped off to go the window and tell the cook what you needed. But you stopped in your tracks when you overheard the men talking about you.

“These bar bimbos are so fucking stupid,” the first one said. “They’re just pretty faces.”

“How can you notice her face when her tits are spilling out of that top?” the second one said with a cruel laugh. “If she thinks showing those off is gonna make her tip any better she’s got another thing coming.”

You didn’t wait to hear anymore and you hurried to the kitchen, tears in your eyes. You went past the dish pit and to the line. The cook, Janet, was there and he was prepping for the morning shift.

“Mi amor, what’s wrong?” she asked, noticing your fallen face.

You shook your head. “It’s nothing. Can you remake this for me?”

You explained to her what the man said about his food and she agreed to make you a new plate. You went to the cooler in the wait station and grabbed  the side salad, pouring some Italian dressing into a ramekin. Just as you were finishing, Janet put the plate in the window, steam floating off of it.

“Here you go, baby,” she said.

“Gracias, mami,” you replied, taking it.

You walked back out. When you did, your sunken heart lifted a little at the sight of Gwilym, your boyfriend. You beamed at him, but you had to deliver the food first.

“Here we go,” you said brightly, placing the food in front of them. “Fresh plate for you and side salad here. Again, so sorry. I took the items off your bill, so just let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thanks,” one said shortly.

You nodded and floated over to Gwil, who had taken a seat not far from the men.

“And what can I get for you, handsome?” you asked, and you heard the men scoff.

He smiled. “I’ll try the new stout you’ve got on tap.”

“Coming right up!” you said. “Although I really don’t know how you drink those.”

You poured his drink and brought it over to him.

“How’s your day been?” you wondered, leaning over the bar.

“Look at her,” you somehow heard one of the men say. “She really has no shame, huh?”

The other muttered something back, but the only word you heard was “gold digger.”

Gwilym’s eyes snapped to yours. He looked concerned, and like he was about to say something to the men, but you subtly shook your head. They were being rude, of course, but that was part of your job. Although, you hadn’t ever been treated this poorly before.

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

“Don’t cause a scene, okay?” you pleaded. “It’s not worth it.”

“I think it’s worth it,” he protested. “But if you don’t want me too, I won’t. As much as it pains me.”

He took your hand and you attempted a smile.

“Excuse me,” the first man said. “You have other customers here.”

You snatched your hand away and faced the man. “I’m sorry. Did you need something?”

“Yes, a fresh beer please,” he said irritably. “And if you don’t mind, we’d rather not watch your foreplay with whatever poor bastard you’re taking home tonight.”

“Hey!” Gwilym cried, getting to his feet. “You can’t talk to her like that!”

“Let it go, man,” the second man said. “You don’t need chivalry for a girl like that.”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Gwilym said. “And I won’t let you speak to her that way.”

“Gwil, please, don’t make a fuss,” you said, trying to take his arm.

It was then that your manager, Lauren, walked out. She was carrying a rack of clean wine glasses to put back on the bar.

“Hey, Y/N,” she said, not sensing the tension around her. “For Otto’s birthday, I was thinking that since he hates the birthday song, we could sing Bohemian Rhapsody instead. You can do the Galileo’s right?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you said.

Suddenly, she realized. “Is everything okay out here?”

“Fine,” you lied.

She didn’t look like she believed you but she let it slide. “Well, I also came out here to tell you that you’re cut. I can take care of the bar for the rest of the night.”

You looked at Gwil. “I’ll just be a minute. I’m gonna go change.”

“Sure,” he said.

You didn’t speak the entire ride home. You kept swallowing to fight the tightness in your throat. As soon as you made it to your apartment, you flew to the bedroom, throwing yourself on the bed and hugging a pillow. Gwilym followed you and when he came in, he saw that you were already in tears.

“Y/N…” he said. He crawled up behind you and wrapped his arms around you. “Don’t let them get to you. You’re amazing.”

“It’s just…” you began, interrupting yourself with a sniffle. “Shit like that brings me back to high school. People were so mean to me. I was called stupid and bimbo and slut. All because of the way I look. It made me want to hide. For so many years, I covered my body and put up my hair and tried to blend in. And now, when I’ve finally got some confidence again, those two assholes talk about me using my tits to make money! It’s so unfair!”

“I’m sorry, love,” he said gently, kissing your temple. “I’m so, so sorry.”

You turned to face him and he pulled you closer. You sobbed into his chest. He held you that way for what could have been years. You didn’t know. You just let everything out. The hurt, frustration, and anger that had accumulated over the years came spilling out through your tears and stained Gwilym’s shirt. When you had calmed down, and your breathing evened out, he wiped your face with his thumbs.

“Can I tell you something?” he asked, and you nodded. “You are a beautiful woman. That’s just a physical law of the universe. But you are so much more than that. You’re kind and smart and funny and one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. You don’t judge anyone, and you’re brave. You’ve worked hard to get where you are, and I admire that. So yes, you are beautiful. Not just your sweet face, my dear. But you.”

“I love you, Gwil,” you said, smiling at last.

“I love you too,” he replied.

You settled back into his arms and then he looked at you again.

“Are you seriously going to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to your coworker for his birthday?”