#what i identity as and what i 'pretend to be' on MY PLATFORM are none of your concern and if you don't like ir kindly fuck off

[loserboyfriendrjl]

JK Rowling is right about everything and I love that everyone except troons and other gender specials support her ♥️

You're so obviously a young woman who unfortunately suffer from being chronically online. Go outside and get some fresh air and step away from your computer. You are not male, you never will be. Nothing you do can ever change that. And I hope you know that the only ones who play along with your little fantasy are other gender specials and those who want to avoid the famous troon meltdowns. No one actually believes that you're male 😂 You're just an embarrasment to your family and I know they can't wait for you to grow up and grow out of your "hurr durr I am a boy 🤪🤪" phase.

okay so initially i wasn't going to answer this ask and i think you were the other terf anon that sent me the new book ask, but i caved in, because you (and the other one, if that person wasn't you) are just plain fucking stupid. your takes (when you have them, that is) are shit. moreover, the only thing you can say to defend that woman is going around and misgendering people 😭 what a loser move

first off, i wanted to ask you: do you follow me? are you this interested in my content? because this might just be the second time you're sending me this kind of asks, and i think i've clearly stated in my pinned post that i do not want any terfs and jkr supporters following me, so, kindly, piss off

second of all, i wanted to say that people on the genderqueer spectrum are not the only people that hate her, because they are not the only group of people that r*wling has said something against.

other kinds of queer people hate her, autistic people hate her, poc people hate her, jewish people hate her, disabled people hate her, and so on. she has actively fought against some of the aforementioned communities (indeed, the best-known being trans people, and she's had some real problems with trans women), gave into stereotypes and put said communities in a bad light. (for example, read more on the aids metaphor for lychantropy.)

gender diverse people have been targeted by jkr continuously. she has funded multiple anti-trans bills in the uk, and her twitter is a hellfire, to say the least. she's notoriously followed transphobes and, when one of the writers she liked reposted a tweet that she had tweeted about him with "trans women and women" she unfollowed and blocked him

this idol of yours has also used the robert galbraith pseudo. robert galbraith heath has been a huge fan of conversation therapy in the 70s, which is, to say the least... yeah.

also, by the way you referred to me as a "young woman", i assume that you are an adult woman / an adult man. imagine taking your precious time in which you could do something productive, like working or taking a bath or reading a book or something, to squabble with a teenager on the internet

and the fact that you're hiding behind clicking the anonymous on button shows what kind of person you are.

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Venom Snake and Paz: Loss, Guilt and Identity

A while back, I promised I’d upload the complete Paz storyline with the cassettes included, and while I was originally going to attach this to that, the little essay below got too long.

This is a companion piece.

Thus, I’m posting the essay now as a separate entity and I will attach a link to it when I post up the video, as well. This ‘meta’ is a bit messy, as it’s meant to go in conjunction with the video.

Paz has an odd place in Phantom Pain because she doesn’t exist, except for deep within Venom’s head.

Diamond Dog Soldier: “Boss keeps disappearing to that wing under construction a lot lately.”

Her storyline is singular to him, and him alone, and it comes with more than one theory attached.

As we know, in this story, Venom encounters ‘Wandering Motherbase Soldiers’ who each carry photographs from the MSF. After he finds the first soldier and comes back, he wanders into an empty room on the Medical Platform only to be greeted with an ‘amnesiac’ Paz-who still thinks it’s 1974 and she’s little more than the Highschool girl she was pretending to be, and that Peace Day is just days away.

It's always sunny in this room, by the by, regardless of what time of day it is.

In this, he also has ‘Kaz’ and ‘Ocelot’ explaining the situation to him. ‘Kaz’ explains that she was rescued, and ‘Ocelot’ explains the amnesia and tells Venom that the ‘medics’ believe she is suffering from a type of ‘dissociative disorder’ and ‘dissociative identity disorder’.

Of course, the truth is that none of this is real. Paz is still very much deceased, and neither Kaz, nor Ocelot are actually there. Venom’s brain hallucinates this entire scenario, both as a deep manifestation of the Medic’s underlying guilt for not saving her, and the one having identity problems himself-not Paz.

I’ve seen the theory about her being there because of the Medic’s guilt and the identity theory in unison. I think that both are true, but the identity one holds just a touch more weight in my mind.

I say this, because the story line only concludes after the Truth Mission, when Venom is given the truth about who he is, and the glass castle hallucination of Paz crumbles. Leaving him not just with the truth that she died after all, but that she ‘needs to let him go’.

And with her, he has to let himself go as well. A choice that was taken from him when Zero decided the sacrificial tableau he left for Big Boss was a perfect opening to make him a body double.

Paz is dead, and so is the Medic.

I’m admittedly a little bit unsure about the guilt factor being his real driving force. I can see him feeling guilty about it. Because we know from the way Big Boss talks, “He was always the best man we had”, that this was a man with skills. Skills good enough to be on the Ground Zeroes top secret black mission to begin with, and skilled enough to perform a rapid-fire surgery with a very literal ticking bomb on board in a chopper. But I feel that the Medic also would’ve lost patients before. He’s not just a Medic, but a combat medic for a PMC. His skills, and the environment he’s in isn’t quite the same as a hospital.

What I do find telling is how the Medic interprets Paz in his sub-conscious. He does not for lack of a better word, ‘manifest’ her as a spy, or even a grown woman. Instead, his mind has conjured up the idealistic imagery of a nearly saccharine peace-loving schoolgirl. An almost extreme version of the personification she gave herself on her mission to infiltrate and spy on the MSF.

Paz has a tone of pure innocence and wonder when she speaks to Venom in these hallucinations. Only ever interrupted with more of her ‘true’ character when timelines conflict, or information as the story progresses puts a dent in the façade.

An example of this is when her wound reopens, with ‘Ocelot’ explaining to Venom that, “Well-Miller did go and tell her that Skullface was dead. If anyone should want revenge on him it’d be her, but..”

One notices that Kaz and Ocelot present strange in these hallucinations as well. They always seem just slightly out of character. Granted, that’s a tricky thing to say because ‘character’ is so subjective to a person’s interpretation, but they just feel distinctly well, ‘off’.

All of this culminates in the heartbreaking conclusion. As it all fades away, Venom watches Paz ‘die’ for the second time, and the room and everything in it fades away. I haven’t touched much on identity, just yet, but of course this only happens once Venom has come to learn the truth.

A reason I say this is because the soldiers around after the Truth Mission begin saying things like, “Boss, whoever you are, I’ll follow you no matter what.” And things of that nature. Venom-or the Medic, I’ll say for the moment, is a man who had his entire identity and sense of person-hood stripped from him by Zero and Ocelot. Once he was in that chopper and threw himself in front of Big Boss, he died. Maybe not in the most physical sense, but in the literal sense of death that we can muster up. Who he was, what he did, the choices he made, all of them gone. As he was erased and given a new face, new identity, and new memories.

All of which belonged to another person.

Paz, or Paz Ortega Andrade, wasn’t a ‘real’ person. She was a character created by Zero to fulfill a single purpose. Like say, Eva before her-we don’t know who she really was. There were other ‘Paz’s’ that failed Zero’s test, and there would’ve been others after her, should the Paz we knew fail as well.

Like the Medic, Paz wasn’t given much of a choice. She was given a job. And with that job she invented a backstory, a personality-everything she needed to slip into the MSF and achieve her goal. The only ‘Paz’ Venom/Medic and others around her knew was the spy.

Again, not unlike Eva in MGS3.

Now, there’s a whole other meta about how identity is such a warped, messy concept in the entire series a whole, but I’m going to focus mainly on Paz and Venom in here for the sake of it all. Even though there’s an argument to be made about how both of them are just fellow victims of the identity crisis many face within the series. Metal Gear has a huge commentary about identity that is present throughout the series I’d love to delve into properly sometime. The TL’DR here is that the only Paz is the one she showed them.

In that same vein, we know very little about who Venom was before he was given the Big Boss makeover. We know only what we’re told by Big Boss himself, and Ocelot and Zero’s assumptions of the man.

Big Boss: “He was always the best man we had..but.”

Ocelot (to Big Boss): “9 years ago he threw himself in front of that chopper. That day, the man you knew died.”

How this comes to mean, ‘therefore Zero decided a man willing to sacrifice himself for you would be fine being you’ I don’t know. I don’t think Zero cared much beyond, ‘I have a convenient extra body here to make use of while Big Boss is comatose.’ Either way, this is all we know about him. We know he’s in photographs with Big Boss, Morpho and Kaz. We know that he was trusted enough to be on the Ground Zeroes mission, and we know that he was a damned good medic and soldier.

And that he was born in California, USA, in 1932. That’s it. That is all we get. (And real quick, I understand that the player inputs Venom’s details themselves too-because he’s also meant to serve the role of player insert, I’m speaking strictly of the character outside of this. But for the hell of it, I’ve always called my Venom ‘Charlie’.)

Does jumping in front of the chopper for Big Boss give us a clue?

Maybe. If anything, one can imagine that Venom was under the same hypnotic spell the rest of the MSF (and later Diamond Dogs) were in that Big Boss becomes the entire world of his soldiers. They live and die for him. Much like the soldiers who go willingly when Venom has to shoot them in the head (not that every soldier does this, but it’s an interesting parallel isn’t it?)

And a bit cultist but again..another meta, that.

We can infer that Venom cared about his Boss, and his role in all this. And we can imagine that maybe if Zero asked him up front, “Would you like to be Big Boss” maybe he’d have said yes. But Venom is never given the chance to consent. It’s all placed beyond his control. When he’s put in his medically induced coma in 1975, everything that follows after is fully out of his hands.

I've said it before, but it's so eerie how Venom (Medic at this point) is sort of being ignored by everyone until Kaz brings light to him being there at all.

There's a good chance this is the last memory Medic has that's his own. Terrifying. When he is hallucinating Paz, and Ocelot is telling him that she’s suffering from identity disorder, is that not Venom’s brain trying desperately to tell him that’s what’s going on with himself? (I am not the first person to suggest this, it’s summed up a little on TVTropes but it’s a pretty good argument, or at the very least, suggestion, in my opinion). As the moments between them progress, and Venom recovers little ‘parts’ of her, is he not also recovering some parts of himself, or desperately trying to?

He's in a way, telling this to himself, through Paz.

And after all-she is permanently embedded within him, thanks to the fragments of bone and teeth.

Which is both a bi-product of the explosion, and a symbolism so un-subtle I think Kojima might as well have said ‘SHE IS ALWAYS PART OF VENOM’ in as many words.

Which, to be fair, is exactly what Paz does say in her final ‘tape’ to him.

There’s a deep undercurrent of sadness to it all. Venom has to realize (and I imagine he does) that there is no more going to back to ‘Medic’ than there is Paz coming back to life. It’s estimated that Venom accepts his place, whether willingly or not, and that perhaps, in its own way, this is a private type of mourning for him.

Not just for Paz. But for himself, too. And what tiny fragments of his former self might lie beneath. He couldn’t save her, he couldn’t save himself, and he has no choice but to be okay with that. And move on.

Let it go, they’re dead. Buried.

Whatever his personality may be come his final death in Outer Heaven in 1995, there’s an 11 year difference between the moment of him on the platform, alone and grieving, and the moment of him staring himself down in the mirror before he marches to his death.

Sacrificing himself, yet again, for the Boss he was unwittingly made into.

*As a quick note, I’m not stating that as a pure victim piece. Venom isn’t innocent and there is plenty of blood on his hands. The statement I make here is very much a sort of ‘in the moment’ one. Like so many others in the series there’s the cyclical tragedy that underpins it all, and the issue of Venom’s person hood and consent being stripped away is, in this particular statement, separate to the crimes he commits and the things he does.

[eli-kittim]

Modern Christianity is a Joke

Eli Kittim

On their podcasts and platforms, Christians are constantly talking about God, Christ, and the Bible, explaining the gospel, debating about theology and prophecy, while assuming to know what scripture teaches, right down to the last detail. And yet none of them know what they’re talking about or what’s really going on (Rom. 3:11). Yet they all have millions of followers flocking to their social media platforms to hear them speak, and they’re deceiving all of them (intentionally or unintentionally) with lies and misinformation. But this has already been prophesied. In fact, Matthew 24 and 1 Timothy 4:1 clearly state that the end-times will be characterized by global deception, as many false prophets and teachers will arise and mislead many. Paul himself knew that after his departure Christianity would eventually decline and become a church of heretics (Acts 20:29). All that has happened. Most teachings today are about the Nephilim, aliens, and ancient civilizations.

All the biblical doctrines that are being taught today——whether at the university, the seminary, or in social media platforms——are false. Why? Because they have nothing to do with the Holy Spirit. None of these so-called pundits have received any revelations from God in the manner that Paul describes (see Gal. 1:11-12). To preach things based on personal guesswork or mere speculation is not the same as teaching according to the Holy Spirit. John 14:26 says that “the Holy Spirit … will teach you all things.”

It’s gotten so bad that even the Pope is now teaching that it’s a dangerous heresy to have a personal relationship with Jesus outside the church. A Facebook friend of mine——a Christian apologist by the name of Marcia Montenegro——has gone so far as to condemn any attempt to open your mind and spirit to God through the prayer of stillness (which btw is still used in both the Catholic and Orthodox Churches), denouncing it as a so-called satanic practice that opens your spirit to demonic influences, even though that is precisely what the Bible requires in order for rebirth and salvation to take place. How else can God transform your carnal nature unless he recreates your identity? (Eph. 4:22-24). How can God live within you and create a new operating system unless the old one is deleted? How else can you receive the Holy Spirit, who changes your personality, turning a sinner to a saint, as it did with Paul? Romans 8:9 says categorically and unequivocally:

“if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ,

they do not belong to Christ.”

Then there are the nominal Christians. These are Christians in name only. They pretend to be Christ-like but act like demons. I know a few well-known Christian writers and bible prophecy teachers who have privately sent me viruses because I criticized their views. People would be surprised to know that Richard H. Perry did such a thing when i criticized his view that George Bush represents the white horseman of Revelation. I obviously had to block him. Another famous lawyer turned author by the name of Mark L. Hitchcock took me by surprise when he reported me to YouTube, which resulted in google permanently shutting down my platform. And he did this just because I complained that his YouTube channel was deleting all my comments and articles. As a result, I ended up losing all my videos and all my content that had been running on the web for the past 12 years. I was aghast that someone of his stature would resort to this. That was so mean. It completely took me by surprise. I didn’t see that one coming. This type of spitefulness is uncharacteristic of Christian believers. Their fruits bear no love. I seriously doubt whether such a person is in-dwelt by the Holy Spirit. Needless to say, I have lost all respect for him. I obviously blocked him, too. Good riddance!

Christianity has gotten so bad that Christian pastors are preying on crippled children, promising to heal them if they sow a financial seed to the ministry. People like Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, and more recently, Kathryn Krick, all falsely claim to heal people suffering of serious disorders. Then you have YouTubers who are openly deceiving people, claiming that God speaks to them. Troy Black is a case in point. He has half a million victims, I mean subscribers, who are being lied to on a daily basis.

Not to mention the multiple scandals involving priests and pastors who are texting pornographic materials to their congregants and have inappropriate relations with them. Some pastors are even teaching that you don’t even need to believe in Jesus in order to be saved, while others, like Steven Anderson, are claiming that you don’t need to stop sinning, but only to believe in Jesus. Some Christian writers are teaching that you don’t even need God or Jesus, and you certainly don’t need to hear from them or even experience them personally. All you need is to read the Bible. There are some well-known pastors, like Justin Peters, who teach this doctrine. Not to mention those scholars, like David Bentley Hart, who claim that all people will eventually be saved, whether they believe in Jesus or not. But how exactly are we saved? Does anyone know? A well-known pastor, named Ken Raggio, recently posted on Instagram that “God changes us from sinner to saint … by … divine discipline. As we OBEY the Word.” This is totally and completely wrong! We cannot save our selves by ourselves. That’s why we need a savior. Jesus criticized the Pharisees for washing their hands but not cleansing their heart, showing that their legalism and discipline was totally ineffective in changing them from within. That’s why he said to Nicodemus the Pharisee: you must be “born again” (Jn 3:3). Only God can recreate us (2 Cor. 5:17). We are not saved by works or through personal efforts and behaviors.

And the core doctrines of modern Christianity are all wrong. The modern Christian faith centers on certain core beliefs regarding the historical birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. But these events haven’t happened yet. According to the Bible, they will take place in the endtimes (see Isa. 2:19; Dan. 12:1-2; Zeph. 1:7; Lk 17:30; Acts 3:19:21; 1 Cor. 15:22-24; Gal. 4:4; Eph. 1:9-10; Heb. 1:1-2; 9:26b; 1 Pet. 1:10-11; 1:20; Rev 12:5; 19:10d). My chief objection is that the TIMING of these events is totally wrong. This is all based on a misunderstanding of Greek and a misreading of genre.

The internal evidence supports my view. It’s in both the Old and New Testaments! Zephaniah 1:7 declares that the Lord’s sacrifice will occur during “the day of the Lord” (not in antiquity). Isaiah 2:19 says that people will hide in caves when “the Lord … arises to terrify the earth.” Similarly, Daniel 12:1 puts the resurrection of the anointed prince just prior to the great tribulation. I can prove it with detailed exegesis from the Greek text. The LXX (Dan 12:1) says παρελεύσεται, which means to “pass away,” & the Theodotion has ἀναστήσεται, meaning a bodily resurrection in the end-times. In the following verse (12:2), the plural form of the exact same word (ἀναστήσονται) is used to describe the general resurrection of the dead! In other words, if the exact same word means resurrection in Daniel 12:2, then it must also necessarily mean resurrection in Daniel 12:1! Acts 3:20-21 similarly says that Christ will not be sent to earth until the consummation of the ages. First Corinthians 15:22-24 also tells us that Christ will be the first to be resurrected in the end-times! Revelation 12:5 tells us that the messiah is born in the end times, and the next verse talks about the great tribulation. Galatians 4:4 says that Jesus will be born during the consummation of the ages, expressed by the apocalyptic phrase τὸ πλήρωμα τοῦ χρόνου, which is defined in Ephesians 1:10 as the end of the world! First Peter 1:20 says that although Christ was foreknown before the creation of the world, he was initially revealed “at the final point of time.” It’s supported by Hebrews 1:2 which says that Jesus speaks to mankind in the “last days,” not in antiquity. And Hebrews 9:26 says EXPLICITLY that Jesus will die for the sins of mankind “once in the end of the world” (ἐπὶ συντελείᾳ τῶν αἰώνων)! Revelation 19:10 also informs us that the TESTIMONY to Jesus is prophetic (not historical). Read Acts 10:40-41 where we are told that Jesus’ resurrection was based on visions because it was only visible “to witnesses who were chosen beforehand by God.” Similarly, 1 Peter 1:10-11 says that the New Testament prophets “predicted the sufferings of the Messiah” in advance (cf. Isa 46:10).

This short video will clarify everything I’ve said so far:

A Biblical Greek translation of the New Testament that changes everything we thought we knew about Jesus

[faroreswinds]

I’m sure sending you an ask off anon will probably get me put on a list of some kind but fuck it, I’ve already got one unhinged stalker, what’s another one in the mix lmao, and i want to make it extremely clear that I support you in this.

Like it really says something that these stannies absolutely do not quit after four damn years of the same thing. Doesn’t matter how factual you are (correctly citing art history in its original intent and context, canon game dialogue and timelines, interviews, etc), how polite you are, how straightforward you and others are because none of that matters at all to these chumps. This is a straight up gamergate-style sealioning campaign that in the end isn’t really about edelgard at all—she’s just the convenient platform for these people to expound their insane maximalist fandom-as-politics viewpoint that has irreparably damaged houses’ reputation for fans and has conflated videogame communities as a testing ground for in-group loyalty metrics.

Aside from what you and others have already said, it’s telling that they always follow a set script: Church Evil and Fascist, Edelgard Revolutionary and Morally Good, alongside truly reprehensible weaponisation of identity politics and socjus buzzwords. It’s not enough to assert that Edelgard is a pure lesbian hero (biphobia what), it must mean that by diametrically opposing her, Dimitri has to be evil, straight (but when they grudgingly acknowledge his queerness, it’s then asserting that said queerness can only exist within him being repressed and tamping it down because of evil Faerghian misogynist politics, never mind that Adrestia is the biggest misogynist of the continent lol), and singularly obsessed with targeting what she represents; Rhea, the chief architect of all that is evil in Fódlan and directly responsible for its misogyny, homophobia, and whatever else alongside with lobbing assertions of her being a “groomer” (which anyone with half a brain cell not dedicated to being chronically online know is now a popular right-wing argot used to directly target the lgbt community with truly heinous accusations equating them to paedophilia), among other things.

Only extreme statements and buzzwords for the characters, all the time: Edelgard as a hero, Dimitri and Rhea as representatives of ontological evil that Edelgard must defeat with extreme prejudice.

Let’s also point out the fact that in a true debate—because they’re not really debating at all and I say this as a professional debater myself who has won medals for this shit and trained youth teams in my country—the onus on the opposing side has to accept neutral statements from their counterparts. They cannot seriously say that their statements on Edelgard must be taken as fact while simultaneously discounting yours as fiction, because at best that would obviously be called out as ad hoc attempt to muddy the waters; at worst, blatantly trying to control the debate solely with their own parameters as the only acceptable ones, and thus openly attempting to silence dissenting opinions. If they really want to try to convince others that they’re really presenting legitimate debate, they cannot seriously pretend that their actions support that claim when they:

Approach you first and then continue to hound you

Constantly repeat themselves in an attempt to wear you down and confuse you, which is absolutely something that can be penalised in formal debate

Get offended and then accuse you of abuse when you firmly disagree with them and draw boundaries

Let’s also not forget the fact that their actions as a community absolutely do constitute harassment when they’ve been caught gloating about running moonlitboar off tumblr, the revelation that they keep a list of Edelgard critics to monitor them, forcing vas to apologise for expressing negative opinions about Edelgard (note how Rhea gets called so much bad shit but you don’t see Rhea fans calling for her haters’ blood), and even prompting YouTubers to change entire videos to avoid backlash, if not to simply stay in their good graces (and milk them for views and ad cash)

Aside from absolutely garbage essentialist Pure Lesbian Women are from Venus, Evil Repressed Hettie Obsessed Men are from Mars viewpoints, it’s truly mind boggling that they’ve bought into the belief that f/f is somehow purer and “less problematic” than m/m solely because they’ve decided that the heavy mlm moments for the Lions must point to their inherent moral degeneracy, which I would again like to remind them that that is actually homophobic; hell, I’ve seen quite a few using fujoshi as an insult. Let me take the time to explain that fujoshi and mlm fandom in Asia (explained by Asian fans themselves!) has always been seen as a symptom of mostly women fans being disgusting and “rotten,” and that their interest in mlm relationships is not only a betrayal of their gender (and ofc fujoshi as an insult in the west is a popular argument with terfs), but a sign that they’re degenerate and that something is deeply wrong with them.

Never mind that across the world, ff in media has sadly mostly been used as porn fodder for straight, misogynist men, because lesbian sex titillates them while gay sex repulses them. Utena is the outlier in a sea of garbage and said ff garbage is mostly shown as porn anyways. Gengoroh Tagame, a popular gay mangaka, has spoken about how female fans of mlm in japan are often big supporters of lgbt rights. Let’s not even get into the fact that the demographics of most edelgard spaces (like r/edelgard) are of straight men.

I also really despise how they’ve discovered “antisemitic” as a new buzzword. I’m Jewish. I loathe how most people only seem to care about opposing antisemitism when it’s in a videogame or movie, instead of in real life when we get hatecrimed. But it’d be remiss of me not to mention the way my blood boils when edelstans seriously repeat church slander of the nabateans being fake humans, evil reptilians wearing human skins as a disguise for them to manipulate the world from the shadows and using a fake, evil religion as their cover (not to mention how they describe the tenets of said religion as evil and conveniently forge and misrepresent its texts to make it look worse…where have i seen that before), who impede societal development to keep themselves on top, and, as the cherry on the shit cake, as miserly hoarders who keep monumental wealth to themselves and refuse to use it to help others.

Really makes you think then that it doesn’t take much for them to admit they see the Nabatean genocide as a positive, that its completion is necessary for edelgard to succeed (even if they hem and haw about what they think would happen to byleth, Seteth, and flayn), and borrowing from blatant irl genocide denial rhetoric saying that the agarthans (who are literal moustache twirling evil villains) were the original inhabitants who actually got genocided by the nasty coloniser lizards and that their retribution is absolutely justified and understandable. I laugh to think what their though process will be like if they even play the jugdral games.

And finally, since it bears mentioning, they should keep byleths name out of their fucking mouths. As a huge self admitted Byleth stan, seeing them whinge and whine and bitch and moan about poor Edelgard getting criticised really grinds my gears when the last four years has been seeing me constantly trying to navigate a fandom space that relentlessly shits on byleth and says they ruin the games and are nothing but player pandering or when people fucking celebrated the scene of shez killing them in hopes. Edelstans don’t get to try and use them as a prop to prove how edelgard is so good to them (and is so pure as a whole) when we have quantifiable data showing that Byleth smiles the most in verdant wind, has an incredibly strong character arc in azure moon, and that for THREE ROUTES OUT OF FOUR in houses (two if you count hopes scenarios when they’re kept alive) they always end up opposing her, because that is their actual character. Let’s talk about how r/byleth is mostly populated by r/edelgard fans who mostly post porn of fem byleth but have admitted to actually hating her, but liking the fact that she’s got big tits and can be used for yuri fanservice. Or let’s talk about feh: all their alts so far show their loyalty and closeness TO THE NABATEANS. And fuck it, I’m of the opinion that actually the devs’ edelgard bias is what ruined byleth and what made them silent. Because when they’re separated from houses (and thus not in her immediate focus), they fucking shine!!!

Tldr: hi raxis, what’s good!!

Addendum: edelgard has the most 3h alts in feh, cipher card art showing her naked and/or with suggestive costumes, is the most attached to the avatar characters in 3h/hopes/feh of her roster, is named first in the dlc for 3h in engage, has the tea set paired with hreslveg blend, ETC. if that’s not obv favouritism by an obv mostly male dev team, then, well…

Hey, how are you? Hope things are well!

When thinking about that exchange from the other day, @butwhatifidothis had an excellent post that put into words more eloquently than I could about issue:

They are right - I never mentioned it myself because my brain didn't quite go there, but many of the arguments were basically "this character would do this hypothetically", which is nothing more than mere headcanon.

Full disclosure, but I am not a professional debater. I am not even trained. Back in school I famously hated debates because I always felt they relied on twisting facts rather than empirical data. I liked data, that's why I went into the Sciences.

The only debating in Science is whether your results are accurate and if your method is indisputable. Is this ethical? What are we basing our ethnics off of? Proper science doesn't care about your opinions, or how bad so and so was back in the 1700s. Science - and Math - liked numbers, and numbers are cold and inflexible.

So I must admit that debating (not discussions, but debating) do tend to make me nervous at times. I like to learn, and to be challenged on how I view the world. But debating is not a skill I am honestly good at. I can lost track of the original point. I can get discombobulated by the lexicon and factoids when they are rapid fired at me.

That's why I engage in them. It's practice. If I don't do it, I will never get better.

And my untrained eyes could see that this debate... was not really a debate, but a shake-down. I was curious to see where it would go.

If anyone else finds this in this situation, here is my unprofessional advice:

Do not insult or use language that could be misconstrued as aggressive. Remain polite and sincere. Remaining polite does not mean agreeing to everything they say. But, instead of saying something like "You are wrong!" re-word it as "I don't agree with your view" or "I do not believe that is correct".

Do not let yourself be bullied. If this means you wish to disengage, just disengage. Make it comfortable for yourself. In my case, I was comfortable to keep going, but that may not be true for you. They make take this as a win, but you aren't being graded on this and this isn't politics. It's video game stuff.

Use only facts, do not use headcanons or opinions. This makes it harder for the other person to fight you, because you are remaining neutral. If you wish to discuss or bring up something that is not based on text, be sure to make it clear.

Call out when they twist your words. One user claimed that I had once used their name in my post. I never did, so I asked them where I had said that. It forces the other user, if they wish to respond, to either acknowledge they made a mistake, or they risk making themselves look like liars.

Never take it personally. They don't really know you. They are just bored and angry.

Always try to get them to think. This one I am still trying to master. When they make a claim, ask them why they think that. Why are they drawing that conclusion? What if they thought about it this way? If they are regurgitating whatever they have heard from others, they may get tripped up by this. This does run the risk of irritating the other person, but I find it is a helpful tool to both learn and to challenge your opponent to explaining themselves better.

This is the hardest one of all. Do not lose sight of the topic. It is not uncommon for these discussions to go a million different directions. If you lose sight, you may end up on a path you don't want to be on. Stay on topic. I'm still working on this too.

It's really cool that you are a trained debater. If you have any other further advice, or if my advice is terrible, I would love to hear it!

Ultimately, I think many of these types of fans just want to use whatever buzzwords and language they can to not only guilt the other party into bending a knee to their opinions, but to also shame anyone who likes another fictional character.

It's really a shame that other fans feel the need to go to such lengths over someone who is not real.

But per your addenhem, it is true that Edelgard gets a lot of love and attention from IS. She is popular. She doesn't need someone to come sweeping in defending her fictional honor.

Poor Claude really gets the shortest end of the stick in all this. This guy doesn't even have the same number of alts as Dimitri in FEH.

The sexuality stuff confuses me the most. Perhaps it is because my particular sexuality makes up 1% of the population, but I usually don't see why it is such a big deal when it comes to FE. FE doesn't make statements about sexuality. It is not try to teach about sexuality. It is not trying to push an agenda of any kind except the Make Money Agenda.

This weird vilifying fans of who likes mlm content, often framed as disgusting straight fujos who fetishize men. I find this an odd statement. From my point of view, anything that has any sort of sex is fetishizing, period. Straight, gay, whatever.

Well, regardless, thank you for the nice ask. I hope I could give is an answer that gives it justice. :)

[manonamora-if]

i dont know if u feel up for it to answer but like... how do u handle negative comments and ratings and just people being negative about ur stuff? bc i have someone just being rude in comments or like notes and game folders on itch and its making me want to just delete everything and never show anyone anything anymore. or even have an acocunt on itch either.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, and that it took me so long to answer. I've been thinking about this for a while honestly. I've been writing a bunch of drafts for this one, because my answer seems to change with the day or my mood. Some of my stuff have had some strange interactions lately that's made me question whether I should stay on itch myself. I mean, I don't think I'll ever leave... there are too many fun jams I want to participate and, you know, to force people to play my weird stuff. But I've been more anxious about new stuff or updates I share recently.

I don't blame you for wanting an out. Some users will poison one's experience of a platform, that even opening the site would give them anxiety. It doesn't take much to have events or projects soured. Often, just a few rude words is enough to make accounts disappear without a word. And many platform don't have good safety nets (blocking, moderation, reports) to temper or avoid these situations. Many will have half-ass solutions that, at the end of the day, still allows interactions from blocked users. It's easy to wonder if all of this is worth it...

Anyway, the very boring and short answer to your question: it depends.

The probably as boring and long one is a bit of a ramble:

It depends on the day, or the mood I have. It's easier to deal with comments when I'm confident and things are going find; but I'd feel more hurt or have a harder time dealing with them when I'm a bit more morose (I think most people feel this way). I'll disregard any (even barely) negative points some days, only to take it into consideration a few days later. <- this especially during jam/comps time, just need time to digest criticism of any kind.

It also depends on the content of the comment, their tone, and intent of the commenter. Not all negative comments are on the same level. I've had negative comments in the past where the commenter was genuine, and really gave my stuff a shot, bringing interesting points or important concerns. And though it hurt a bit, because being told you made a mistake sucks, those helped me grow. But those are the good kinds of comments...

On the other hand, I try to disregard the trolls, and the abusive comments (towards my work or me), the ones where the engagement was clearly not done in good faith... you know, the ones who will literally tell me I've made the world worse by uploading my games on itch. Doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me at all*. Some of them really hurt or made me angry and frustrated, some have lingered for hours or days in my mind, a few made me close to delete stuff as well. Words are not just empty things without meaning... *I've had to block a few people both here and other places recently because of it, they had become so insistent on wanting to engage with me while bashing most of my work, my values or the few aspects of my identity that I've shared online.

It would be easy to say I just don't give them the time of day or any of my energy, or that I pretend they don't exist, because, if I do, then the trolls win. But that would be lying. Obviously.

Screaming to the void/a pillow or ranting to friends have helped get rid of my anger and frustration. I've laughed with others about some comments I got (usually the bad faith ones, some of them are funny in how sad/bad they were). I think what worked best for me was just turn off the computer and go outside for a bit. Or turned off the internet and play silly games on my phone. Or picked up a book. Or watch a movie. Essentially, any activity that would distract me from it and force me to take a break. And when none of this worked, because some trolls are just that insistent, blocking/deleting stuff*. *unfortunately, it's not always possible, see second paragraph again.

It does suck that you're kinda forced to grow a thicker skin to enjoy or even exist in those spaces, and I wish those would be friendlier... but I don't think social platforms/the internet is going in that direction anytime soon.

Maybe not super helpful to your decision, but borogove.io hosts IF games (without ratings or comments, though people can download the files), so does the IFDB through the IFArchive (but there are ratings/reviews there, also can be downloadable). I've seen other peeps host their stuff on neocities (no ratings/comments). None of those platforms are like itch, in the positives or the negative. Or just be old school, and email stuff.

[msaprildaniels]

I don't know why I have to explain to you the harm you are perpetuating, but okay. The US takes any opportunity they can to demonize China, and because of sinophobia this always results in innocent Chinese-Americans (including a lot of people who came here to ESCAPE the PRC, like the older members of my family) getting caught in the crossfire. Saying the other anon probably doesn't see Chinese people as human is an insane thing to do when we are the ones constantly demonized by this. You are a white woman. Chinese people have always been the ones most hurt by the PRC and the anti-chinese sentiment people can't seem to separate from criticizing it. They are still working to recover the balloon. We do not know for sure whether it was a weather balloon or a spy balloon. And EVEN IF it was a spy balloon, focusing only on that and ignoring the sinophobia that always happens when the PRC does things is deeply irresponsible at best.

The Navy says the balloon had propellers and a rudder, and was equipped with self-destruct explosives. This fits the description of a military platform.

It's not Sinophobic to recognize that international competition exists, and that the PRC is an advanced major nuclear power who, like the United States, conducts covert reconnaissance of its strategic adversaries.

The United States also conducts covert reconnaissance operations using unmanned platforms. I have not accused the PRC of anything dastardly, only of conducting the sorts of military operations that a power in their position can be expected to conduct.

"Saying the other anon probably doesn't see Chinese people as human is an insane thing to do when we are the ones constantly demonized by this."

So, you're talking about this from my anonymous inbox. Do you understand what that means? It means your identity doesn't count for a wet mouse fart in this discussion. What matters is the facts, and you haven't provided any, only accusations and ad hominem smears.

I'm not perpetuating any harm to any person by noticing that global strategic competition still exists. Two of the greatest powers in the world are sizing each other up for a new Cold War, and I'm supposed to just pretend that isn't happening? Because a fucking Anon told me so?

Get the fuck over yourself.

You're calling me insane and bigoted because I judged someone by the content of what they said, backed up my claims for why I disagreed, and stuck to my guns when challenged. None of you (if there really are two or more of you) provide any evidence or substantive critique; you only provide accusations and demands that I doubt myself.

To me, this suggests you're a deeply immature thinker. Undergrad, maybe?

Anyhow, go do your homework, kid.

[area51-escapee]

The past two to three years have already been proof enough that a lot of people who claim to be trans allies don’t see us as people just like anyone else who deserve the same rights as anyone else, but rather a convenient group to bring up to pretend they’re the most progressive in the room. All an election year does is hammer it home.

We are all individuals with our own experiences, our own thoughts and beliefs and backgrounds, our own opinions. No one of us can speak for all of us, but especially, most certainly, someone who is not one of us cannot speak for any of us. Our lives, our community is not something for you to weaponize against others when it is convenient for you, when you think it will win you an argument. We’re allowed to criticize people, not just for their treatment of our own community but others as well, and we shouldn’t be told by cis people that somehow WE are the ones putting our rights at risk, that WE are responsible for the oppression we face and not those who are actively oppressing us.

I’m a transgender man in Texas. I’m supposed to start T this November. I’m very excited. And I hope that I will still have access to it next year. I hope I will still have access to it by November. My rights are in the hands of the state because there is no presidential candidate with any intentions of protecting our rights on a national level. No matter what happens on Election Day, my rights will still be in question the day, the months, the year after. I will not move from the state that is my home, where my friends and family and all the places I love are. I will stay to make it better because it’s my home, because even if I up and left there would still be transgender people here after. I will stay because I love this state, and I want it to be a place where people have access to the healthcare they need, whether that’s gender affirming or reproductive in nature.

I am allowed to criticize a presidential candidate without people calling into question my identity, or people blaming me for my own oppression. I am allowed to decide that I am no more deserving of rights than Palestinians and Lebanese citizens, I am allowed to prioritize active genocide over my own rights that I will still be here to fight for, that I cannot put before the lives of people at the whims of our government with no say in the matter whatsoever. I live here, I was born here, I can vote and protest and do whatever I am capable of here to fight for their freedom for us, while they are at the mercy of our horrific and unforgiving government.

We are also at the mercy of our horrific and unforgiving government. It should not go unnoticed how one major political party is actively targeting us, while the other refuses to acknowledge us, refuses to fight against their attacks, refuses to platform us. Our struggles are nowhere near as severe as the attacks people are facing overseas, but the way I see it, we are all part of a group of people that is either being directly attacked, or being unprotected from those attacks. We have more in common than we have different. And we shouldn’t be pitting our lives against the other because that is selfish, it’s inhumane, and none of us are free until we are all free.

My right to transition, to live as myself are not in Palestine, they are not in Lebanon, they are right here, in this state, and I will be here to fight for those rights any day, and I owe it to the people my country is harming the most to fight for their rights as well. My freedom will not be handed to me on a silver platter by the government, it will be taken, fought for desperately, and therefore my freedom does not lie in endorsing a future war criminal, someone who has repeatedly affirmed her stance to stand with Israel, to continue to arm Israel, making the U.S. just as responsible for these crimes as Israel is. I have no qualms about calling out what’s wrong when I see it, when I see harsh border bills that will only negatively impact migrants, when I see no effort to combat police brutality that primarily effects people of color in the states, when I see no support, no safety offered to my community, I will not let those outside of it use us to shut down any criticism of their idol.

Not all transgender people will agree with me, and that is fine, that is expected, but this isn’t about transgender people with different views from me, this is about cisgender “allies” weaponizing my existence to try and shut down people who refuse to tolerate genocide, and THAT is something I cannot tolerate.

[d1sc01nf3rn0]

Rant regarding the whole gen z study thing and sex in media:

If you already know that the argument conservative and far right momevents most commonly use, is that everything remotely related to the LGBTQ community is inherently sexual, and therefore should not be around minors. Why, by that logic, would you start arguing that all sex representation in media is perverse, unnecessary, and should be eradicated? What do you think is going to end happening? What do you think is going to happen to diverse representation in media?

I'm gen z too, older gen z, and a lesbian; so I suppose that a lot of the younger generations may not know what it is like to grow up with your identity being considered a sexual topic, and therefore have 0 actual resources or representation about it outside adult content.

The only reason we're at the point LGBTQ kids can be it more openly, is because we

stopped sexualizing it, even if we're still working on it

started visibilizing LGBTQ relationships and people on media

started normalizing sex, and all that comes with it (dealing with misoginy, sex education, resources, etc)

Not saying that kids should go watch Euphoria or something; I'm just saying that when they reach the point when they start to think about their sexuality, there should be stuff available that isn't purely educational. You forget that for a lot people, series, games, movies, etc, are the only resource they have. I had to learn that I was a lesbian by watching the L world at 14. And I had to watch it on a pirated site at a friend's house. I didn't know lesbians were a thing that existed, I was a Mexican kid that came from working class with an homophobic mother.

Just a few weeks ago, my hometown canceled a drag story hour reading event at a book fair. Why? Because conservatives and far right weirdos consider everything related to the community to be a perverse sexual deviation, and that includes drag too, and argue that we should be at clubs, not around kids. None of the drag queens that were going to read had ever done an adult show at a club mind you. All of them focused their work on activism, so their presentations were at activism related events as masters of ceremony. They didn't care about that.

SheRa and the princesses of power is literally rated M18 in some countries, and 7+ in others. You can guess why. That's what we're going to end up with. Stop being naive and pretend that media with LGBTQ characters aren't going to be the most affected with this argument. Stop pretending that conservative weirdos aren't going to use you as cannon fodder on their censorship crusade, and that you're not giving it to them on a silver plate. Let's not forget how episodes from Steven Universe, a show with ZERO mention of sex, had episodes pulled in some countries just because of homophobia. If you put anything remotely related to sex under a 18+ classification, what do you thing is going to happen? Where will teenagers go when they want to know stuff? We're still dealing with a generation that went on p0rn sites instead of getting sexual education, and we know how that goes. You don't want that.

And ffs, those classifications exist for a reason. Learn about them, make parents learn about them. Our generation had kids watching awful stuff on the internet due to a lack of supervision and content awareness. The amount of kids that watched Squid Game in my country is absurd. I've seen game developers on Twitter complain about how platforms like Steam give their games a lower classification to sell more, and how they keep fighting for their games to be given the proper one. Change that, inform yourself, educate other people, hold companies accountable; don't watch a 18+ rated movie, and then complain that it has stuff that's not suited for kids. Be a better parent/caregiver/sibling/teacher/etc.

Part of the problem is that lot of other older gen z have unrealistic ideas of what content is oriented to teenagers, and what content teenagers actually want. They're mostly using Euphoria as an example. Euphoria is not a series oriented for teenagers, nor is it something they watch. Someone even mentioned Skins, and it ended up before a lot of the gen z even became teens.

Teenagers now are watching things like Hearstopper. The Heartstopper comic has a chapter where someone goes to buy condoms with their friends, since they spent multiple times considering having sex with their partner. It's a topic that is covered in multiple chapters and talks a lot about having safe sex, waiting for when you're ready, etc. That is such an IMPORTANT and NECESSARY topic for teenagers to about, that older generations never had the chance to see.

And if at this point your counterargument is "well, is not about the sex is about how it's portrayed, so Heartstopper is okay". Look at yourself at the mirror, and realize the fool you are by giving the conservatives tools; because you can't be bothered to actually analize and think about what you consume, and over generalize and simplify things. Actually speak about the real issue: mysoginy, romatization of sex violence, stereotypes, racist bias. THOSE are the real issue, no "the unnecessary sex". And as long as you don't point it out, those things will keep existing.

MORE IMPORTANTLY the study everyone is talking about is being BADLY misrepresented, and the results do not compose all the gen z population. Statistics aren't absolutes, and the study touches more topics than just sex in media. Mysoginy, racism, forced heterosexual plots, sexism, etc. Those topics where discussed. In a study that's focused on USA. You're over simplifying it. And a lot of you are just weaponizing it in a way that fits you.

I'm not surprised that a lot of you are also SWERFs, that tells me everything I need to know about your stance. I'm not gonna expand on why SWERFs are wrong, I'm not going to speak over sex workers, they have talked at length about how these things actually put them in danger. If you refuse to accept that fact, that's on you.

And last, and not least important: you need to evaluate your own relationship with sex and the ideas you have about adult content. I grew up in a catholic conservative country, I basically had to teach all my partners and friends about sex stuff, because the schools and their parents refused to do it. Among the worst things I heard was: "two girls doing it doesn't count as sex", "you can get pregnant via oral", "being bisexual is just a phase everyone grows out of", "having sex and it hurting is normal", "I don't know how the parts of my body are called". Those things were normalized because no one bothered to visibilize them. Those things were normalized because asking and knowing about it was seen as bad. But somehow soap operas with "steamy scenes" at dinner time was okay. I wish I had the chance to grow up with stuff like Heartstopper.

Y'all are being naive, privileged, and trashing years and decades of efforts to normalize sexuality. From the sex liberation movement (even slashers film were affected by this), to things like the slut march. Do not let yourself become weaponized by conservatives trying to censor us.

[miraculous-floconfettis]

This is so interesting.

I hardly see anyone talking about the way season 5 and the Alliance rings are a metaphor of the overly connected society we live in, and that consequences of oversharing can be dramatic.

Marinette almost blew up her secret identity because of Soqueline's ring. Zoé and Alya have been almost immediately unmasked because of their connected rings.

Monarch has been spying on everyone without people being aware of it (and guess what social media have been doing for years with our collected data?) (People behind social media platforms know us better than we do at this point).

This reminded me of some experiment someone did just by looking into some people's social media: he would go up to someone he had never seen in his life before and would call them by their names, ask about theirs kids or where they live or their holidays in Greece, etc. Unsurprisingly, a lot of people were freaked out and some threatened him to call the police before walking away, but none of them realised they willingly fed the internet with those info.

People have been sharing things on social media for years now, but in the wrong hands, information can become a powerful tool for an ill-intentioned person (that person being Gabriel in Miraculous obviously) and the show is the perfect example of that.

[smooth transition]

"When Marinette puts that wedding ring on his finger at the end, I know it's intended as, 'Look, you control yourself now,' and he says when he's with her he feels so free...but she's now the one binding him. She's keeping secrets. She's controlling what he knows. She's deciding what he can handle and what he can't, like he's a small child. That's not freedom. He needs all the facts in order to make his own life choices. For all her faults, I have always loved Marinette. I won't pretend Adrien isn't my favourite, though. I want to hope the writers are screwing with us on purpose and this was all a twist to set up bigger drama. My worry is that they really thought it was a happy ending and didn't see all these fundamental problems we are pointing out. I guess time will tell."

And about that last part, a lot of people seem to forget this is not the end of the series. The ending of the episode led us to think that everything is fine now that Gabriel is gone, but it's actually quite the opposite. Everything looks dreamy at first. But if you pay attention, there are a lot of unsettling details and the whole scene seems off: the music is in minor key, we're all debating whether Amelie or Emilie is sunbathing next to Nathalie, and Adrien seems to have forgotten everything that Gabriel put him through. Everything is too good to be true.

Marinette did lie to him, but should we blame her though? Just like the way she decided not to tell him she was the one behind the scarf because she just wanted him to be happy, she didn't tell him the Gabriel was their arch enemy because, well, she wants him to be happy. Maybe this is temporary. Maybe she'll never tell him the truth and we might face bigger problems than Chat Blanc. But maybe she didn't actually lie, but this could be the consequence of Gabriel's wish who wanted to be remembered as a good dad to Adrien (which -ironically- we all know he wasn't).

The thing is Gabriel was the one to put that weight on her tiny 14 yo shoulders instead of taking full responsibility for his mistakes and the way he behaved. He robbed Adrien of their confrontation and even if Adrien discovers the truth one day, Gabriel is gone so he won't be able to have closure anyway.

(On a side note, i just love when people say that the statue is 100% going to be cataclysmed in the next seasons 😂)

We don't know how the wish affected the story and characters yet, but Gabriel is a selfish man and this "ideal" new world might be more of a challenge than anything.

(Next season is going to be intense for sure)

I want to comment on this word 'conformation'.

In part, the title hints at Marinette unifying the miraculous. However, for me the main point is this idea of conforming, and rings, which are symbolically binding.

By buying into the Alliance rings, nearly everyone in Paris conforms to a view planted in their minds by media propaganda. Most conform quickly. A few break free of it...but not many.

The Perfect Alliance antidote is a ready-made cure for a problem fabricated by the same people. It's a classic form of manipulation and control seen in the annals of global history - as is the tactic of grooming someone into dependency and then taking away the thing they're dependent upon. Everyone should be raising an eyebrow at how quickly the solution is able to be rolled out, and yet almost no one does. Instead, they become mindless clones, tools saying and doing exactly what the enemy wants them to.

One person who sees through it all is Adrien. He fights it so hard, but the poor boy is bound left and right by rings. We've seen Gabriel control him with the wedding ring. Now he controls him with the Alliance ring. But Adrien's miraculous is also a ring - he's bound by duty to both Ladybug and the entire population of Paris. There's no space in there for HIM.

Just as we've seen him battle against akumatisation, and against his father's mind control, we see him fight against the nightmares - his worst fear being losing control and hurting everyone. He rejects the Perfect Alliance antidote over and over...but eventually gives in.

I think if he weren't Cat Noir, he wouldn't have relented. He would have endured the pain for himself. His concern was the pain of OTHERS. So, he conforms - but in full knowledge of what he's doing. He isn't brainwashed here. He's making a choice.

When he finally exchanges his miraculous for the Alliance - one ring for another - he's acknowledging his duties and, for the sake of others, allowing himself to be bound to his father. He's acknowledging that he can't be both The Adrien Agreste and Cat Noir. One has to go. Again, there's no space in there for HIM.

It's also worth noting that the Adrigami avatars are all in white. Adrien is in a white room. Gabriel is all in white. When he loses control, Cat is all in white. I wrote loads about the symbolism of white in an older post, but let's add to it.

In that room, Adrien is under an intensive identity erasure attack. He's being stripped of everything he is. When he gives up his miraculous, that's the last piece. He is completely broken down as a person and now primed to be rewritten by Gabriel...which is exactly what seems to happen with the Wish.

And whatever that Wish was...Gabriel got away with another. Marinette said Adrien wouldn't want to know what his father was really like...so she complies with Gabriel's plea not to tell him. In other words...she conforms. She says and does exactly what the enemy wants her to.

What really gets me is ADRIEN ALREADY KNEW WHAT HIS FATHER WAS REALLY LIKE. And I hope to god that knowledge has not been wiped clean away by the Wish - that his trauma has not been wiped away - because that would complete the identity erasure. All his growth is gone. Who is he, right now?? Who remembers the boy locked in that room, the one who essentially sacrificed his entire SELF?

When Marinette puts that wedding ring on his finger at the end, I know it's intended as, 'Look, you control yourself now,' and he says when he's with her he feels so free...but she's now the one binding him. She's keeping secrets. She's controlling what he knows. She's deciding what he can handle and what he can't, like he's a small child. That's not freedom. He needs all the facts in order to make his own life choices.

For all her faults, I have always loved Marinette. I won't pretend Adrien isn't my favourite, though. I want to hope the writers are screwing with us on purpose and this was all a twist to set up bigger drama. My worry is that they really thought it was a happy ending and didn't see all these fundamental problems we are pointing out. I guess time will tell.

[firelxdykatara]

Hello! I say this in the kindest way possible, but can you please provide evidence that theowelspeaks is a terf? I'm a black zutara shipper and for years have really felt shoved by the fandom and it hasn't been my safe space. But YOUR blog and you made me feel better. I'm not in your discord but you're being accused of racism. I don't follow the owlspeaks and wanna support you but if you're being accused of racism why are you calling someone a terf?

Can you please show where they are a terf? I'm only asking this because I really REALLY love you and I support you. And if they are a terf, you need to provide evidence. It is heavily suspicious when a person of color calls out a white woman on racism and you don't address the accusations but just call them a terf. I want to support you I really do because you made me feel comfortable in the fandom, but I need to see concrete evidence that they're a terf. Never mind, I saw the whole situation and honestly I'm disgusted I ever follow or looked up to you. You're literally no different from other racist white shippers. I think there went my love for zutara.

I'm going to take this at face value--not that, on any real level, I actually believe you were a follower of mine or did anything close to due diligence, because if you were or had then you would know that I never actually called that blogger a terf--and answer as respectfully as I can. Mostly because I want anyone who has genuine issues with anything I've said or done to know that despite whatever's going around about me right now, I am willing to listen to criticism if it comes from a place of good faith.

(You can think whatever you want about my insistence on 'good faith', but the fact is that I have weathered being slammed with accusations of pedophilia and other horrible things over differences in headcanon of shit like character ages or writing a fic set years post-canon because I felt like it, right down to the insistence that I'm a horrible racist because of my url, so no. I'm not going to listen to someone slinging slurs and buzzwords in my inbox just because they claim to be a poc. And before that sets anyone off, the slurs I'm talking about are aimed at my queerness. I do not consider being called racist or a white bitch or whatever slurs, because they aren't.)

First of all, once again, I never called that blogger a terf. You can easily read my post about them for yourself and see that--ctrl+F for the term 'terf', and you will not find it. Why? Because I called them out on peddling radfem rhetoric, (which they are) not for being a terf. All terfs are radfems--it's in the name--but not all radfems are terfs, although all radfem rhetoric is exceptionally harmful to queer people in general, and queer poc more than most, as is the nature of intersectionality.

Anti-kink rhetoric, and the insistence that some kink is inherently harmful and that no one could legitimately have these kinks or fetishes without being mentally ill or traumatized, is radfem rhetoric. That's where it comes from, that's where it leads to, and I'll be honest here, 'radfem' is not an identity label. It's an ideology. You do not get to parrot core tenets of that ideology and then claim to not be a radfem. That simply isn't how this works.

Furthermore, I have no idea who the person behind theowlspeaks blog is. I will take them at their word that they are not white, but that doesn't exactly narrow things down--and considering the fact that they chose to put me on blast for their small but dedicated ring of followers rather than actually coming to me personally first about any of this (their blog is very obviously a burner, and it wouldn't have been that difficult to approach me since I've only ever turned anon off once, for one night to give myself some breathing room, and otherwise my asks and DMs have always been open), I have no reason to actually care about what they're saying. But I point out the lack of knowledge of their identity because a) they didn't even reveal themselves as not white until.... yesterday? or something, when they were directly asked about it, and b) trying to frame this as 'white woman accused of racism calls person of color a terf' is... disingenuous at best given the fact that I have been calling them a radfem (which they are) since well before they posted that screenshot and my name wound up on their blog, so you got the order of events just a little backwards.

I blocked them initially because of the radfem rhetoric they were peddling about kink and fetishes, and I have the right to establish that boundary. This blog is for me, it is my space, and I do not have to expose myself to views I find gross or harmful just because they dress it up in faux-woke terminology and try to pretend they actually care.

If they cared about real people more than the fictional characters they are so adamantly 'protecting', then they wouldn't have brushed off the actual racism (from one of their followers--they're more than happy to blast me without any evidence, but that's hardly out of the ordinary for people like that) that was brought to their attention by refocusing the discussion on the fake people who literally can't be hurt by any of this because they don't exist. They wouldn't be ignoring the two woc who chose to contact them and tell them why they made the choices they did regarding both the discord and the smut week event, while being perfectly happy to platform anons who may or may not be who or what they say they are.

I, for one, am not going to apologize for caring more about real people than fictional characters. I'm not going to apologize for thinking it's absolutely ludicrous to pretend that fiction is somehow harmful just by existing, especially when it's appropriately tagged so that anyone who finds the content harmful can avoid it. I'm not going to back down from these opinions just because a handful of people have apparently decided I'm a horrible person because of it. And I'm certainly not going to apologize for thinking it's despicable that someone who was not involved in the conversation chose to leak out of context screenshots rather than privately contacting any of the people involved or even going to any of the mods, before going right to an anonymous blog. You may not care about me or my mental health, but I had panic attacks because of that leak--not because I said anything untoward in that screenshot, not because I've ever said anything in that discord that I wouldn't happily stand behind on my blog, but because I no longer felt safe. And I am not going to bare my trauma to a complete stranger to justify that lmfao.

So, like, think what you want to. I'm pretty sure that blogger is getting high off of the drama they are creating, none of which would actually have happened or been any real issue if more people were able to think, gee, maybe this work that is tagged with things I don't want to read about is not for me! Maybe I shouldn't read this piece, since it would probably upset me, and there's plenty others around for me to consume! I do not trust that blogger's intentions. I do not trust that they actually give a shit about any real people, or they wouldn't have posted an out of context screenshot of... literally nothing tbh, when they had no right to and are now protecting the identity of the person who leaked them instead of giving a shit about any of the real people in that space who no longer feel safe because we aren't sure who we can't trust.

But you've already made up your mind, and I can't change that. I genuinely hope you have a nice life, and find fandom spaces more suited to your tastes.

[diamondcitydarlin]

It should also be noted that Kate used Loki's genderfluidity as a constant hype train and advertising platform. Remember, there were just constant interviews/posts/articles about the show taking a massive step forward in the realms of trans representation, and then you watch and the show aaaaand...

sex: fluid

But you'd still see articles of the director patting herself on the back for bravely spoon-feeding the trans community this somehow groundbreaking advancement that also never manifested itself in any way.

She only stopped a while after the show ended when people realised she'd been blowing hot air the entire time and not only didn't do anything she promised in that regard, but never meant to.

I'll always be joyous for bisexual Loki, but I'll also never forget she used her getting him bisexual mainstream as a 'so you'll trust me when I make all these genderfluid promises too, right? You'll promise to watch the show, right?'

She did worse than queerbait in the end. She used the entire trans umbrella community as an advertising pick-me-up and as a trans guy miserable enough to still be here boy have the terfs recognised it too.

I remember, yes, and while my disgust with all of this exists and continues to grow stronger the more I hear, I will never know what it means to be excluded, appropriated and exploited in this way so I really appreciate you sharing this with me.

I've been mentioning this on my various flows of consciousness that I post here insofar as what it means for queer shipping, but the capitalist exploitation of queer identity is absolutely a problem across the board in mainstream entertainment. The corporations behind these productions are seeing a benefit in acknowledging queer identity and stories, specifically doing so with as little substance as possible.

In the case of Loki I don't necessarily fault the fans/viewers/public that got excited about the hint to Loki's gender maybe being more openly fluid in expression going forward (p sure if you carbondate my posts you'll see I was one of them lmao), or those of us that got excited about him confirming his attraction to more than one gender ('the bit of both' is still...a thing but that's another post). Because it was ultimately supposed to be more than that, right? These were meant to be the start of a character journey into an openly queer experience and it was only after Disney/Marvel/the creators collected all the accolades that it became clear that was literally going to be it. Boom bam we did that and now that's over and we can go back to writing for a cishet white male audience uwu

So yes, queer exploitation is absolutely a thing regardless of how ignorant corporations pretend to be about what they're intentionally, knowingly doing and they benefit from engaging writers/directors etc that also have their own self-centered motivations and won't be pushing too hard for the "difficult stuff".

And you know, all of this aside, it'd be one thing if Kate had genuinely believed she was doing a great thing at the time out of honest ignorance and THEN chose to listen to and amplify genderfluid/trans voices correcting that assumption and giving reasons as to why it failed. Because I get it, I can be dumb about this stuff too and it's important to acknowledge that so I can keep learning. (she also could have avoided the whole thing by fighting to have genderfluid/trans writers on the team but I digress)

In general, the casual comfort a lot of people have with being transphobic and disregarding trans/gf voices these days makes me physically ill. It is unspeakably cruel, and I am so sorry that it keeps happening again. And again. And again.

For what it's worth, none of you are alone in this fight even though I know it must feel like it a lot of the time. You have allies and those who care about your experiences and want to prioritize them, myself included, and I hope you will continue feeling safe on this blog anyway to be open with me about how the trans/fluidphobia in the show made you feel, how it could have been done better, how it SHOULD have been done better, how we as a fandom can craft our stories and headcanons to best incorporate this facet of Loki's character

[twst-discourse-bot]

It’s becoming more and more obvious that Yuuna may be part of a system/headspace/DID due to her many identities and numerous attempts of arguing with herself online. I’m not sure it’s for clout anymore but a genuine sign she may have multiple personalities all fighting in her mind at once.

I’m no doctor but the observations I’ve made on her possibly having a system/headspace/DID is becoming more and more clear, but of course, that doesn’t excuse poor online behavior. Yuuna seems to age herself differently depending on which role she’s trying to portray.

Think of Yuuna’s multiple personalities like this… It’s like the Anna Delvy situation, she took on the role of a rich German heiress and scammed a good portion of New York’s elite. Because of her taking such a role, and pulling it off well, they were all fooled. However, with Yuuna, hers is a little different. While she takes on multiple roles, she is, like Anna, very consistent with her goal and her agendas.

As seen, Yuuna has had 9 accounts, 9. 9 accounts just to wreak havoc in a fandom that’s already an unruly hive for drama and messes so slippery it makes a cartoon banana peel left on the floor look solid and not dangerous. I’m 100% convinced that Yuuna is just a child around the range of 13-15 years old, she’s already been following NSFW blogs before she deactivated. I checked her “likes” and some were NSFW and not suitable for her age.

Have you considered making a Twitter or Instagram to spread the word? Maybe even a Google docs? This mess needs to be seen, she’s probably on other platforms right now making the exact same posts and spamming the tags. She’s probably on discord spamming the OC chats.

Hello anon, I needed to give my response to this ask a bit of time because I both needed to organize my thoughts and wanted to give such a sensitive topic the respect it deserves.

I will start off by saying that I don't believe she has DID/is part of a system and classifying it by her erratic, trolling behavior does a disservice to people who do have the condition. I am friends with several systems and while alters can share interests, it does not happen to the extent that Ray's "identities" do. There is no differentiation between Yuuna/Ray/Lumine/Jordan, they all write, act, respond, and apparently think the exact same why, which just doesn't happen.

To continue, if they were all different alters in a system, why has none of them come out and stated they were part of a system? Each account pretends like they have no idea who the previous iteration was, which only added to people's suspicions that they were all run by the same person. Sure, they could be undiagnosed, but that circles back to my previous point. An alter is a completely different person with their own thoughts, feelings, interests, and memories who just occupies the same body as the host. They are not just the same host copy-pasted several times.

I am not completely familiar with the Anna Delvy situation, but from what I read and saw, there was no mention of her having DID. She was just a manipulator who got away with it for a long time by using fake personas, which is very, very different from having dissociative identity disorder. One is a conscious action, and one is a mental illness caused by severe trauma during one's earliest formative years.

I am ready to believe that Ray/Jordan is just some stubborn, dumbass 14-year-old who has no worldly experience and got in way over her head after being given unmonitored internet access too early in life, but that's no excuse. She needs to be taught that she cannot act however she wants in fandom spaces.

I also do not want to spread this outside of Tumblr, first of all because that is not my responsibility, and second of all because Twitter is already a cesspool that is beyond repair. On Instagram, she would gain zero traction anyway because of how competitive the fandom art community is, so I wouldn't waste my breath there either. This blog is the extent of my efforts, and I don't encourage anyone to take it further. This is enough.

[girlsmoonsandstars]

It has been brought to my attention that you have chosen to use my post as a platform for advocating for the murder of lesbians, and while I am generally willing to allow whatever flavor of unhinged nonsense occurs on this website, that is one thing I am revoking your access to. If you wish to do so further you will have to make your own posts and stop hijacking mine. 

I am fully aware of the extent to which Tumblr enables and encourages a kind of hyperbolic violent language, but I also believe that we have a responsibility to be conscientious about how we use that language. Saying you want to shoot someone into the sun for being a Drarry shipper instead of a Dramione shipper is very, very different than saying you want to slaughter lesbians. 

That kind of statement would be bad enough on a regular day, but your comment is occurring within the context of multiple attacks on my community in the last two weeks, some of which have resulted in the actual literal slaughter of lesbians after corrective rape. Pretending that you were not talking about a slaughter of homosexual women when discussing a comment made by a homosexual women about homosexuality is dishonest and no one is falling for it. (And none of this is to speak of your comments on radical feminism, which would lead me, and I think most reasonable people, to expect you to be against the slaughter of women in general.) 

All of this would remain true even if what I had said originally was absolutely abhorrent and offensive, which it was not. It was a neutral statement that I think two different experiences, which are often marketed by one group of people to the other as identical, might only be similar. It was not vicious, it was not cruel, it was not an attack, and the level of vitriol I have received in response says more about the issue than I think any off hand observation I make ever could. 

If you are incapable of understanding how a woman who is attracted to men, dates men, fucks men, marries men, whose relationships with men are applauded and affirmed and supported in all aspects and institutions of society, whose ability to feel love is affirmed and supported in all media, whose physical safety is not jeopardized when they are participating in public life with their partner, might have any kind of privilege in a society that quite literally rapes and tortures women to death for not being capable of it, I humbly suggest you learn more before trying to participate in other people's discussions. 

bisexual women and homosexual women experience their same sex attraction differently actually

[hockeyboysiguess]

mirrorball | a. matthews

a/n: first in a series of sixteen fics based off taylor swift’s new album, folklore. full list here.

You sighed as the front door closed behind you. It had been a long day; weddings always were. Being a wedding guest was usually just a series of slightly uncomfortable, awkward experiences back to back to the point where you became as numb to them as your feet were from your heels due to general exhaustion and open bars and all you would have to say about the evening when your co-workers asked you about it on Monday was that it was fine. You had made it through the day, thanks to champagne and your boyfriend. He intercepted some of the worst potential interactions for you, even taking on your great aunt’s cheek pats that verged on slaps for you. He had been a champion today, according to your mom, and you couldn’t agree more. 

“That was exhausting,” Auston sighed as he shuffled past you into the kitchen. “Remind me get a restraining order against your great aunt. I think she basically slapped me.” 

You laughed at his words, letting your feet carry you into the living room as you tried to will your exhausted, running mind to rest for a moment. Tonight, despite it’s obvious down being that it was a wedding and you were close enough to the age where it was considered acceptable to be getting engaged, you had a good day. Any day you could spend with Auston without the noise of his job and the world’s thoughts about the two of you was a good day. Sure, everyone at the wedding had opinions, but theirs were within scope, within the socially allowed levels of casual judgment. What you and Auston usually dealt with was out of scope, and it wore on you heavily. 

You wanted nothing more than to make everyone else happy. It was one of your best qualities, but also the one that brought you the most pain. There was only so much broken glass a person could pick up when trying to make the world a better place before their palms became bloody and scarred and parts of you started to break off in an effort to make yourself easier to tolerate, easily palatable to everyone. The parts of you that broke off, some of them broken forcibly by yourself kicking and screaming, in an effort to be adored by the masses were blending with the broken parts of the world you saw and you didn’t know what to pick up anymore. 

You felt like you were on a tightrope, balancing the person you knew you were and the person everyone wanted you to be, the person everyone would like, as you tried to walk across it. The two identities were entirely different weights. The person you were was heavy. She was real and strong and powerful, a three-dimensional human being incapable of being liked by everyone simply because she had opinions. The person everyone would like was a shallow grave, void of personality or content, waiting for the real you to fall into it and swallow you whole. You wanted so badly to be able to shed yourself of that two-dimensional false personality, but the real you was too much, too raw, too real to risk in front of the world. You chose instead to try to use it sparingly. Each time you did, it turned you into a mirrorball, reflecting and almost magnifying the best qualities of the people around you, spinning at a fast pace in an effort to provide that reflection and amplification to as many people as possible. There wasn’t space for you in it and the spinning made you constantly dizzy. Mirrors didn’t shine themselves; they simply reflected whatever was turned to them.

The killer part of it all was from your tightrope you couldn’t even see the platform you left to start your journey, nor could you see the platform you were theoretically walking it, which made you question what you were even doing on the tightrope in the first place. Was there even a platform on the other side?

Auston wasn’t like you. There were multiple parts to him, but they made up one whole human being. He brought out different parts of his personality around different people, in different environments, but he owned every single part equally; none had more weight than the other. He was solid, firm, complete. You were fractured and unbalanced, a house of torn and taped together playing cards desperately hoping a breeze didn’t come by and topple you. 

Auston didn’t really understand why you cried sometimes when everything became too much. He held you while you cried and rubbed your back gently. He didn’t understand because that desperate personality never came out to face him. You were always yourself with him. It’s why you, despite multiple failed relationships and countless almosts that led to real heartbreaks, were still here. He was different. You tried with him, because relationships take effort, but the you that tried was real and imperfect and good and he loved that you. The him that tried with you was the same one everyone else got, you just got every single piece, sometimes all at once, and you thanked your lucky stars he was easier to love than you were.

Your feet were still sort of numb thanks to your heels that you refused to take off. Auston had tried to get you to bring flats for the reception, but you’d waved him off because they didn’t go with the dress. Maybe you should’ve just swallowed the aesthetics for comfort, but you did love those heels. You sighed as you let your feet slowly start to carry you in a circle, your body swaying as you hummed one of the songs from the wedding softly to yourself. You closed your eyes and focused on your movements in an effort to clear your mind. 

When you opened your eyes, you saw Auston standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. His tall frame was leaned against it. His suit jacket was off and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His tie was loose around his neck and his hair that had been perfectly in place when you left that morning was drooping onto his forehead untamed. He had a soft, kind smile on his face that carried into his eyes and somehow deeper into him. His dark eyes were watching you sway, his smile growing as he watched and let out a soft laugh. 

“What?” you asked him, tilting your head to the side and raising an eyebrow at him. 

He laughed a little louder before pushing off the doorframe. He crossed the room until he reached you. His large hands reached for you, finding purchase on your hips. You smiled up at him as you let your arms climb up to fall over his shoulders. You kept humming along and let Auston start to sway you slowly to the tempo of the song you were humming. 

“Thank you for coming,” you told him, foregoing your humming in favor of speaking to him now. 

“Of course,” he nodded softly. “Boyfriend duty, right?” 

You laughed, making him laugh, one thing you were really good at and always wanted to be good at. He pulled you closer into his chest and continued to dance with you, slowly working you in a circle with him as you swayed to music that wasn’t playing.

“Boyfriend duty,” you agreed softly. 

“I think I did alright,” Auston told you. 

"You did great,” you replied, your voice quieter than before. “Better than I would have done if roles were reversed, but I’d give it my all.” 

Auston sighed, his head rolling back a little. His hands fidgeted with the material of your dress as he thought. You weren’t sure exactly what was going through his mind, but you could see the pained expression on his face as he debated whether or not to tell you what he was thinking. 

“You know you’re beyond good enough, right?” Auston told you as he lifted his head back so he could meet your eyes with his. “You don’t need this act you do. I like you, for you. So will everyone else.”

But they won’t. They’ll only like parts of me, the parts of me that make them feel good about themselves, but they won’t like all of me. If they don’t like all of me, what’s the point?

“Not everyone on the planet is meant to like you, you know?” 

You hadn’t realized those thoughts came out of your mouth, that they hadn’t just been in your head, until Auston replied to them. You bit your lip and dropped your eyes to the floor, staring at Auston’s dark dress shoes and your heels instead of his face. 

“And that’s a good thing. If everyone liked you, I probably wouldn’t. You’re not for everyone, baby, and that’s a good thing. I love you, the real you, the one that’s here right now. You don’t have to pretend to be this sort of personality-free robot all the time. Less people might like you, but the people who like you will like you for real things, like I do.” 

“It’s not that easy, Aus,” you sighed as you let your eyelids drop closed. You picked up your head, but kept your eyes closed. The possibility tears would fall down your cheeks when you opened your eyes was too high to risk it. Auston couldn’t handle seeing you cry. “It’s just not that simple.” 

“But it is.” Auston cut you off before you could finish. “I know it would be a change and change is scary, but you’ll be happy. You won’t cry so much.” 

You shook your head as a pathetic, sad smile fell over your face. It was a hopeless smile, full of pain from the pulling inside of you between one side that desperately wanting to do what Auston was offering and the realistic part of you that knew it would never work. 

“Auston, it’s like I’m on a trapeze. I’m swinging back and forth, but never landing somewhere fully. I’m just swinging, performing stunts at high levels of personal risk, so other people have a good time. I’m swinging back and forth between myself and the person people actually like. There’s no net. There’s no where to go. The just have to keep swinging. I can’t reach a platform.”

You opened your eyes to see Auston’s brow furrowed down and he had started shaking his head softly. He lifted one of his hands up from your hip to cup the side of you face, his thumb rubbing the few tears that had slid out away. 

“I’m the net, baby,” Auston told you. “Choose to fall. Choose to fall right now. No more swinging. Just be you, the real you, all of the time. I’ll catch you. I promise, I’ll catch you.” 

You shook your head, causing his other hand to come up to the other side of his face and hold your head in place for a moment. You had no choice but to look at him as a few tears spilled down your cheeks even though you wanted nothing more than for that not to be occurring right now. Auston pulled his lips in between his teeth as he looked at you. 

“Yes, you can,” he assured you. His voice was steady and firm, void of any doubt. He was solid and sure, a rock that had battered storm after storm and never moved an inch. This storm couldn’t hurt him and he knew it. He was tired of standing on the sidelines, watching it hurt the person he loved. “Let go. I’ll catch you. I know it’s a process, but we’ll work on it together. Just try, not for me, but for yourself. Try.”

You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath. You trusted Auston. You trusted him more than anyone else you knew. If you didn’t trust him enough to catch you, to finally stop the spinning, the breaking, the constant unbalanced sensation you carried, then this feeling would be permanent. It couldn’t be permanent. You didn’t want to feel like this anymore. You took a deep breath again. You needed to fall, you just didn’t know how. The look in Austin’s dark eyes told you he was going to be standing there, waiting for you, no matter how messy it was, that he was going to be right there while you figured out how to shed the fake skin you wore and found your footing at yourself. You didn’t know exactly how it was going to work, but the steadiness of his hands and the feeling in your chest told you this was worth the risk.

“Okay, catch me.”

[neostriatum]

Restoring Force

[AO3]

In physics, the restoring force is a force which acts to bring a body to its equilibrium position. The restoring force is a function only of position of the mass or particle, and it is always directed back toward the equilibrium position of the system. The restoring force is often referred to in simple harmonic motion. The force which is responsible to restore original size and shape is called restoring force.

- Wikipedia

"See also: Response amplitude operator"

--

He stepped out of the room, aware of the vague humming that indicated Ziggy processing- what, he didn’t know, but his gut told him it was shock. Me, too, Ziggy, he thought, still registering the Fermi suit that clung and shifted to his skin, almost abrasive with how electrified he still felt.

His heart still thudded at a rapid pace, almost concerning if not for the hyperawareness as he cast his eyes over every crevice of his surroundings. The bright white of the Waiting Room shifted to comparative darkness, and it took a moment for the cheery, almost pixelated lights of Ziggy’s interfacing platform to speak through the darkness.

The room was empty, though he guessed not for long, and he curled his fingers inward as if anticipating stiffness from his long time away. The blur of his life was slowly gaining definition, slotting into place subtly with each disoriented step. He exhaled harshly, coming to lean against the operating center.

“Ziggy,” he asked, voice hoarse as it adjusted to being used by him - and not others - again, “Could you- could you tell me the date? Please?”

The humming stopped, a brief stagger, before it resumed at a different pitch that he always associated with the careful cataloguing required of a request. “It is Wednesday, May 5th, 1993, Dr. Beckett.”

He nodded, feeling the edge of one of the command cubes digging into his ribs. Sighing, one of his hands drifted to his temple, pressing a hand there in an attempt to ward off the vertigo and headache that was fluctuating as he recovered from his many years of leaping as his life slotted back into place. “Thank you, Ziggy."

“You’re welcome, Dr. Beckett.”

Something still sounded… off, about Ziggy. He frowned, hand falling away to lever support against the brightly-colored table. “Are you alright?”

A pause. “I am a computer, Dr. Beckett.”

He huffed, amused despite the nagging unease that followed the edges of his thoughts, “I’m aware, Ziggy. But humor me, will you? Are you alright?”

The emphasis of a sigh, modulated through static, “Are you Dr. Beckett?”

He blinked, inhaling as if to answer with a reflexive ‘of course’, but then stopped. It was a fair question, and Ziggy had helped him through many tumultuous events while he was stuck Leaping.

“Where’s Al?”

It wasn’t the question he had intended to ask - in fact, he had intended to rally Ziggy into asking questions of her own, so as to confirm his identity - but his mind was still sluggish, still processing this new data of merging his mind to his own body. Al was always here - Al always reminded him he was Leaping.

If Al wasn’t here - if this wasn’t a Leap - then where was he?

This, apparently, seemed to amuse Ziggy, given the sultry chuckle that answered him. “On the other side of the door, Dr. Beckett.” He answered, “I needed to be sure it was you. … No offense.”

“None taken,” He replied in good humor. His breath still caught in his throat, and he couldn’t ascertain if it was because of nerves, or exhaustion, or both. He squeezed his hand on the console, anyway, in a bid to draw strength from Ziggy’s presence as he stood up on shaky legs.

It took a moment, to regain his breath, and he ignored the intuition that told him Ziggy was closely observing his heartbeat and respiration in order to straighten his posture into some semblance of order.

“Mind unlocking the door, Ziggy?”

“... Of course, Dr. Beckett.”

It seemed not a moment later that Al was careening into the room with all of his usual energy, swearing up a storm at Ziggy and ostensibly followed by the entirety of PQL on his heels.

The entire entourage stopped on a dime as Al caught sight of him, virulent Italian stopped mid-syllable. A breath in, one the same tenuous beat as each other, before Al shuddered, looking like he wasn’t sure if he should make another step forward.

“Are- Wha-” Al marshalled his thoughts, exhaling with a tentative, “... Sam?”

“Yes,” He responded, breathless and suddenly giddy as he cracked a grin, trembling finely with the spurt of adrenaline just seeing his friend incited, “Hi, Al.”

“Oh my god,” Al clapped a hand over his mouth, not moving despite the bustling of Verbena around him to make a beeline straight toward Sam.

“Al-” He found that he didn’t know what to say, how to respond, too busy staring at the north star that had guided him so fervently across time and space. He stood idly as Verbena lifted one of his hands, fingers pressing over his wrist to time his pulse.

“You’re shaking,” She murmured, looking concerned, “Are you alright, Dr. Beckett?”

That seemed to snap Al out of his, and Sam thought wistfully that any injury or slight of his would be enough to rouse the man into action. He glanced at Verbena, the fond smile on his face waxing assuring as he mustered up the energy to place his other hand over hers, “Just fine, Verbena. I’m just tired, is all.”

“I’ll say,” She said, amused. “You’re going to be put on strict bedrest as soon as I get the paperwork through.”

“I know you will,” He said, smile widening at the pace he knew she would take to reassure herself that it was, truly, Sam Beckett in her charge, and not other people wearing his face.

It must have been exhausting, he thought suddenly, feeling a pang of pity for the pain that must have put so many people through. Always seeing the face of Dr. Beckett, but never really the man himself.

Al was still rooted to the spot, ashen and mute, while Tina tried to rouse him, her voice pitched into concern. “Al, honey, are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”

There was no observable response, nothing clicking from the man beneath the shattered mask, and Sam took an instinctive step forward. Verbena’s grasp loosened with a gentle, trailing touch, her own concern evident by how she hovered at his elbow in case of collapse.

He found he couldn’t dredge up annoyance at the action - or anything else, at all - too concerned was he with bridging the remaining gap between him and Al. Silence enveloped them, everyone watching his progress with a critical, concerned eye.

For all that it seemed an eternity, it must have only been a few moments, and the flutter of joy and relief that he could hear Al’s stuttered breathing and smell the clinging wafts of cigar smoke from his clothes almost made him stumble. Here before him was the man who had never abandoned him, and the strain of it showed in the paleness of his face, feather-thin wrinkles he knew intrinsically were borne of stress - a match to the increased smattering of grey and white in Al’s hair.

“Al,” He said, quietly, intensely. It seemed to breathe life back into the other, for Al grabbed Tina’s arm with the strength of a man recently washed ashore. The physical reflection of his own mood felt like a mirror, casting back at him the same rigor that had chased him from Leap to Leap.

He couldn’t raise his voice above a murmur, “I’m here now, Al. It’s all right.”

“It’s all right,” Al repeated faintly. He blinked, nodded, a faint sheen to his eyes as he gazed up at Sam. “It’s all right.”

Abruptly, he grabbed for Sam, and Sam grabbed back, their forearms entangled in a dying man’s grip. He felt a sob bubble up, mixed in with a disbelieving laugh - none of it felt real, had felt real, not without confirming for himself that Al was there in flesh and blood on the same plane of reality as he was.

“Al,” He repeated, if only for the joy in saying the man’s name without needing to hide it under his breath, or pretending through a phone.

He was wrapped in a hug, and oh, he would never complain about the suffocating fugue of cigar smoke again, not if it meant he could feel the iron grip of his friend’s arms around him, fingers digging into his back as the suit was twisted in Al’s grasp. Never again, he thought he could hear, Never, ever again.

“Sam,” And there was his name, so brokenly said, and yet it slotted right into the gaps that his heart was cracking apart without. “Sam, dear God…”

He grinned, well and truly despite the tears filming over his eyes and rendering everything a staccato bluster of color, gripping back with equal strength. For Al- for Al, he would fight over the lassitude of his body, to give back even a single gram of the solidarity that the man had given to him.

The swung, for a moment, stuck in time as they catalogued each adjustment to this new reality, no mere hologram or warping of space-time making a mockery of their existence to each other. He didn’t know when he had tucked Al’s head into the crook of his shoulder, but the steady wetting of his suit made it seem like the right decision as he stood steadfast for this indescribably loyal friend.

He wouldn’t break apart, not now, not when he had the pieces of the puzzle put together despite the quicksand of physics leaching away the horrors of Leaping. He clung to Al as he clung to those memories, not wanting to leave his friend alone for either.

“Sam,” Al said, a tremble to his voice that said he wasn’t done grieving - and, Sam reflected sorrowfully, would likely not be done for many years yet. “Sam, how…? How are you back?”

He inhaled, turning the things he could say over in his mind. No one had been in the room, which indicated that no retrieval program was being run at the time of his reappearance. This return was of his own doing, and it sent a remembrance of exhaustion through him, threatening to take the both of them tumbling down to the floor.

“I suppose it was just time for me to come back home,” He murmured instead, and in the heart of it, that seemed to ring true. Al didn’t let go, and Sam didn’t make any move to shove him aside, continuing on with a voice that felt the need to deliver his speculations gently, “I think I’m needed here more, now.”

That caused a hiccupped breath to echo out from Al to the others, an unexpected unwinding of tension that must have kept them ticking away for the miles of years he was absent for. It sent a pang through his heart, the fleeting misery that he couldn’t take all of them in his arms to soothe them.

But the pain was quickly absolved with the satisfaction that he, at last, was able to help Al in the way Al had so frequently helped him. It was no encouraging word to dust himself off and work towards his release from that Samaritan purgatory, but it was exactly what he knew Al preferred - the physical reassurance that all was right in the world.

He couldn’t change the past - their lives had their own struggles reflected in the broken glass of innocent dreams - but what was here now was an ample bounty unto its own. Shifting his grip, he brought a hand up to cradle Al’s head, protective of the terrific mind housed within it.

The action broke some reticence on the other man’s end, and he slumped into Sam’s arms, heedless of the respectful quiet the others were granting them. “You can rest, now, Al,” He said, dropping the words close to the man’s ear, “I’m here, I’m not leaving.”

“Don’t do that again,” Al mumbled, taking remorseless advantage of the sanctuary Sam was offering him.

He chuckled, giving in to the temptation to drop a kiss to his friend’s temple, “I think I’ve had my fill of it.”

“You’d better!” Tina interjected, voice overlapping Gooshie’s. They glanced at each other, flustered.

No time was given for either to cede, for Ziggy smoothly interrupted, “Perhaps now Admiral Calavicci will rest properly.”

Verbena hummed in vehement agreement, “I expect the both of you to head straight to bed.”

He felt the slim smile that broke through Al’s demeanour as he laughed, “Yes, ma’am.”

They kept close, a huddle of people surrounding them as they were fairly escorted to the room the project’s doctor led them to. The chamber was small, and the bed singular, but the exhaustion that rattled through Sam’s bones made him gratefully compliant as he led Al into the room.

“Sleep well, Dr. Beckett, Admiral Calavicci.” Ziggy bid the both of them, flicking off lights until only the dim, yellow lamp kept them company. It was signal enough, and a yawn broke through Sam, rippling over to Al.

The man looked nearly sickly in the low light, its muted shade drawing shadows over the divots of his skin. He looked up at Sam, the lingering effects of shock on his face piling age into his features. It wasn’t the youthfulness that Sam had gotten to know over the course of building the array of Quantum Leap machines, and it tugged at his heart as he reached down to grasp Al’s hands.

“How are you, really?” He asked softly, thumbs brushing absently over the warm skin.

Al seemed transfixed by the sight, and Sam believed it, knowing this tangible intersection of selves would take time - so much of it, now! - to settle in. He didn’t remove his hands, despite the tug of weariness that made his eyelids slip lower in anticipation of a proper sleep.

“I am…” Al’s voice was rough, as if unused, and Sam knew that to be a lie with how often his ear was chatted off with meandering gossip and helpful advice alike. He squeezed the other’s hands in encouragement, waiting out the startled inhale at the reminder that he was really here, “I- don’t know.”

The wounded undertones made Al seem small, miniscule in comparison to the impact he’s had in Sam’s life for so long. “That’s alright,” He murmured, “I’ll be here, anyway.”

That rattled another would-be sob into existence, from deep in the pit of Al’s stomach. Sam caught sight of the tears that wavered on the edge now, and how Al dragged his hands away to brush them away. He beat him to it, though, cupping the man’s face as he thumbed away the tears as they spilled over.

Once upon a time - probably at the very beginning of this mess - Sam probably looked up at Al with the same look of lost despondency that was directed up at him now. He wondered if Al felt the same brokenheartedness as he did, the same instinctive reaction to soothe and comfort. His friend was pretty terrific, and he didn’t doubt that urge to right the world resided in the same spot as it did in his own heart.

He pressed his forehead against Al’s, abruptly wishing for the urge to be closer. Mindless shushing noises spilled forth from him, accepting the frantic grasping that let Al know this was real. God only knew that he needed his own grounding in reality, listening to the sobs shaking through both of them as he wiped away tear after tear.

“I- I thought,” Al wept, “Thought you would never come- come back.”

“You prayed for me,” He murmured, remembering his guise as a priest and the grieving Al tried so hard to fix, words tumbling forth as they did now, “I’m here, you’ve got me.”

His legs were straining with fatigue, an unpleasant after-effect of merging with his own body after so long, and Al instinctively caught him despite his own turmoil, breath stopping entirely until Sam was righted. It paralleled their lives from the Leaping so closely that he couldn’t help but press forth, reassuring Al that he was here, that he was safe, that Al didn’t fail him like he so feared to do.

They were an unstable tangle, difficult to tell who was which in this superposition of keeping each other anchored. His lips upon Al’s were like the quantization of states, a resonance of softness that lulled each other into stability, something less frenetic and more an induced calm. He swiped his lips across Al’s, gently, taking care to memorize the electrification of nerve endings that overlapped with the salt of tears.

“I’m here,” He murmured, pressing the words in the space between their lips, hands encapsulating Al’s face and providing the end points of his care as he repeated his affections, his gratitude, into the waiting gasp before him, “I’m here, I’m here.”

They slowed, eventually, an easing of momentum that rang outward from their trembling selves to the breath between them. It was difficult to tell the edges of each kiss, or who pressed back against the other, a sharing of sweetness that was their own celebration of equilibrium unto stillness.

He felt each whisper of inhale, the oxygen that must be circulating through Al’s blood, and felt, for a moment, that it trespassed back to him, a reciprocation of the lifeline they had relied on so intensely. His fingers had curled at the edges of Al’s hair, tickling at the tips where he had slipped across the edges of his jaw to cradle the man’s head to succor comfort unto his mouth.

Reluctantly, he withdrew, gladly staying within the boundaries of Al’s arms as he was held close in an embrace that held all the familiar protectiveness he had once enjoyed only in words. They did not move, nor speak, content to savor the moment.

He felt a smile pool across his face, euphoria bubbling up. Al matched it, quick as he ever was, a laugh tumbling between them. It seemed to settle the last echoes of stress between them, and a yawn cracked open from him, breaking the whispers of yearning that grief had threatened to eclipse.

In its place swept exhaustion, and though Al looked more lively than earlier, the deep bags under his eyes couldn’t be missed. He dragged his fingers from Al’s hair, down the man’s neck and across his shoulders, watching the shiver that reverberated through him, finely tuned and deeply-wrought.

“Let us sleep, Al,” He murmured.

Al nodded, pressing his fingers more firmly from where they were comfortably lodged in the shallow curve of his waist before they left with reluctance. He stayed close by, anyway, thigh touching thigh as Al unlaced and slipped off his shoes.

The sigh that echoed forth from that action was deep, already limned in sleep’s catching thrall, and they settled upon the bed side-by-side, arms thrown over each other and legs entangled as they drifted off.

Today may be done, but tomorrow was another day, and one they needn’t race to catch up to.

--

Author's Notes

In the field of ship design and design of other floating structures, a response amplitude operator (RAO) is an engineering statistic, or set of such statistics, that are used to determine the likely behavior of a ship when operating at sea. Known by the acronym of RAO, response amplitude operators are usually obtained from models of proposed ship designs tested in a model basin, or from running specialized CFD computer programs, often both. RAOs are usually calculated for all ship motions and for all wave headings.

- Wikipedia

Pertinent notes:

Original timeline in the sense of Donna Eleese not marrying Sam, nor Beth Calavicci staying married to Al

Although not canon, I kept to the idea of Sam's mind leaping rather than mind + body out of a sense of technical issues that could arise out of our current understanding of physics (i.e. the compression of matter that would deal with the details of "how would Sam fit into everyone's clothes" and the practical consideration of "how would Sam be able to recall his original positioning in the space-time field for an accurate Leap back home")

Quite a lot of the physics and narration is directly influenced by the theory of quantum entanglement

The date Ziggy tells Sam is the premier airing date of "Mirror Image"

[fadingfloweryouth]

Cultural Appropriation among East Asian Popular Culture

*I am aware that amidst the rise of AAPI hate crimes, this is a very sensitive time to be talking about this. However, I think it is very important for East Asians (in my case, a Chinese immigrant living in the States) to address our own ignorance and avoidance on this issue in order to have solidarity with other BIPOC communities. My emphasis is on the media portrayal of cultural appropriation and how that could be potentially damaging, I do not intend to imply that cultural appropriation is prominent among all East Asians.*

If you are a frequent consumer of East Asian pop culture, you would be lying to say you haven’t seen an idol or a celebrity wearing dreads on camera. Sometimes they do so to create a streetwear look, sometimes they do so to deliberately play a character. We also tend to turn a blind eye to the countless bad rapping performances and the occasional half-joking bits about tribal, native cultures. As of now, many fans tend to defend their favs by calling these instances as acts of negligence, that none of these celebrities had an intent to harm; but how much longer, and farther, should we tolerate cultural appropriation in East Asian pop culture?

East Asian popular culture has become part of the global mainstream in recent years. With the help of social media and the supplemental supports from local governments (think South Korea), today’s cultural flow go in both directions: while Asian pop culture is often inspired by Western elements, East Asian media production is now the new leading force of culture.

One “neutral” definition of cultural appropriation could be summarized as the representation of cultural practices or experiences and the distinctive artistic styles of the particular culture used by nonmembers. However, misrepresentation, misunderstanding and manipulation of culture is frequent and damaging to many marginalized, underrepresented groups.

Appropriating Hip-hop

Even though there is a “neutral” definition of cultural appropriation, there is no neutral way to appropriate a culture. The moment you partake in a cultural practice that is not your own, you are marking it with your own social marker. Just to give an example, the rise of Gangsta Rap was in response to the mass incarceration of Black people during the War on Drugs era. The history of rap and hip-hop, as a whole, is tightly connected to Black lives in America.

So why is Asian rap so filled with flexing culture? The answer is simple. The rise of hip hop and rap in the East Asian music scene is a simple copy-and-paste of the Western pop chart. Hip-hop has become the best selling genre, yet it’s important to note that today’s hip-hop has taken a detour away from its root. Hip-hop and rap has been rendered with pop sounds, often rendered with the voices of white performers as well.

The idol factories in both South Korea and China had picked up the trend. Hip-hop and rap is what gets the cash, so that’s where the executives want to take their trainees. Shows like The Rap of China(这就是说唱), Rap for Youth(说唱新时代), received enormous popularity in the last few years among young Chinese people. While the popularization of these shows can help nurture more diversifying music tastes beyond the typical Chinese pop music, they portray rap and hip hop in a highly inaccurate fashion. The flows and forms featured in performances felt unilateral, often with a strong emphasis on flexin’ solely for the sake of flexin’. In addition, in no way did any of these shows serve to educate music lovers on the history and background of hip hop and rap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hIJnBh7Dv8

P.s. this video features Rich Brian, I think it goes without saying that he’s probably not the best person to be educating Chinese youth on rapping.

Appropriating Black Hairstyles

Some contestants of these hip-hop shows also wore appropriated versions of Black hairstyles, and it wouldn’t be far fetched for me to say that the increased popularity of dreads among Kpop idols had kicked off this trend. Some of these celebrities are people who I have immense respects for, such as Jackson Wang. As the Chinese member of the Kpop boy group GOT7, he was the only Chinese celebrity (that I’m aware of) who spoke up for the BLM protests openly on his social media (I should note that he received quite a lot of backlashes for “defending violence”). But he—as I found out—refused to apologize when being criticized for wearing dreads back in 2016. He was called out in 2016 for wearing dreadlocks in a Pepsi commercial. He claimed that he did not intend to be racist. However, his fans questioned his response, as his defense did not acknowledge the history of dreadlocks.

More recently, BTS’s J-Hope was also called out for his hairstyle in his first solo single, “Chicken Noodle Soup.” Not only was his hair called out to be tiptoeing the line of cultural appropriation, it also felt odd that he only switched to the dreadlock-looking hairstyle during the nighttime break-dancing scene in the music video. While this might not have any further implications intended by the artist himself, this is an example of how infiltrating the unprofessional, gang-affiliated stereotypes surrounding dreadlocks could be.

Part of me thinks they are doing this to please white people, I could easily be right. White people are interested in hip-hop but can’t go as far as getting interested in Black culture? Sure, we Asians will provide. I sound harsh but that’s truly how I see the logic behind Asian pop stars appropriating Black culture. It’s true that many from the K-pop industry do not have full authority to their own identity, but I simply do not get the extent of appropriation employed in the K-pop scene—and this sabotaging trend is spreading in a scary rate to both Japan and China.

Reality TV in China features mostly celebrities, but I assume the goal of the government (for producing all these shows) is to achieve some sort of relatability through portraying famous people doing normal things. Again, just like how Western culture and East Asian culture influence each other, creating a feedback loop, an echo chamber of what’s socially acceptable and what’s not, famous people and normal people alike are all capable of influencing the social norms of Asia. We in America indulge in drama, the unethical wrongdoings of distant rich people. It’s not like that in Asia. People look up to celebrities. So if someone in Blackpink decided to wear braids in their newest music video, you’re bound to see kids trying to do the same.

Internalized Colorism

Sure, one can argue that it’s all negligence and ignorance, but we can not pretend the acts of cultural appropriation are not a result of internalized colorism. Blatant racism is less likely to occur in East Asian societies since they tend to have a less diverse ethnic makeup, but internalized colorism has always been an underlying problem in East Asia. Take China as an example, being “light skin” (though the direct translation of the Chinese word “白” is equivalent to “white,” the phrase is usually perceived as “light skin”) is generally viewed as elegant, pretty, or decent. Phrases such as “yellow skin,” “black skin” have risen to popularity in recent years as internet slangs used by online participants to criticize celebrities or themselves. People strive to be as “white” as possible by setting a societal expectation for public figures to follow, creating this social discourse chamber that deems the white skintone to be superior.

Even more recently, the phrase “非酋” (direct translation: “African tribe leader”) is used as a metaphor for people who tend to have very bad luck and never get what they wish for. From the perspective of an outsider, not only is this phrase obviously racist, it is also more dangerous in the sense that the metaphor entails a long line of other language-specific words that imply racially-charged stereotypes that could not be easily understood by non-Chinese. The phrase itself, however, is often used lightly by gamers--since this is actually an official phrase that ties to certain characters in certain games--and other young internet users to ironically joke about themselves without really considering the racist undertones of the phrase. Therefore, while using the phrase itself does not necessarily make one racist, it certainly reveals ignorance of the Chinese society on the issue of race.

Online Community, Bullet Comments and Echo Chamber

A single character in Japanese/Chinese tends to carry a lot more information than a single letter. As a result, there could easily be more combinations of words with the same characters in comparison to the alphabet for Roman languages. With the rise of fan-fueled, fan-made, fan-moderated video/social platforms like Bilibili (Chinese) and Niconico (Japanese), internet slangs are becoming increasingly niche. However, “niche” is defined against the traditional sense here. Slangs are only “niche” in the sense that the context is only known to a very specific audience, perhaps a fandom of a game or a show, but this audience itself could be enormous--certainly in the case of China. In these separate but internally united communities, people communicate in slangs that are culturally specific among themselves. How, you may ask? Through the persistence and permanence of bullet comments.

Up till this point, bullet comments are popular only and specifically to Japanese and Chinese cultures, again, a likely result of the linguistic natures of the languages. The chaotic, seemingly-never ending feature of bullet comments is an easy tool to nurture a sense of tight-knitted community for young internet users. Teens no longer need to worry about parents’ attempts to understand youth culture--most adults literally can not bear with the overwhelming screen of repetitive slangs. Bullet comments granted a new sense of freedom that previous generations of Japanese and Chinese youth did not experience.

However, it also means that bullet comments could create the perfect scenario for a social echo chamber. It’s hard for outsiders to penetrate the existing banters among a community that talks in their own lingos, and it also encourages the repetitiveness of the same idea, same belief. But this is not a characteristic specific to bullet comments or online communities in East Asia, this is a characteristic common among many East Asian cultures. In comparison to Western cultures, East Asians are way more comfortable, even dependent on group mentality and general consensus. Relatability is often prioritized over individuality on the internet scape, which on its own isn’t necessarily an issue; but this nature of East Asian online community certainly makes it a particularly weak target to colorist beliefs and culturally-insensitive content.

The reliant tendency on echo chamber and group mentality of East Asian communities makes them vulnerable targets of certain Western influences, including cultural appropriation and internalized colorism. In the case of China, its government literally banks on unity among its citizens to establish more extensive social control in order to rule. In both Korea and Japan, unity and group mentality are strongly encouraged and embraced as well. Ultimately, while the problem of cultural appropriation is becoming increasingly worrying among pop culture in East Asia, this is a foreign concept and problem for East Asians who might be helping the spread of cultural appropriation. Regardless, education on the subject matter is necessary and we need to start addressing the problem now.