#what i did not mention is me losing my grip on reality

[haematopoieticsystem]

coming up on my 2 year anniversary of going crazy for real (actual mental breakdown + discovering system shit) and i feel fucking insane again!!!!! [read more bc im embarrassed about feelings]

its mostly the bpd i think rn?? the way in which i can be totally in love and obsessed w someone that doesnt even think of me is so fucking scary i dont know what to do

and then obviously im screaming and crying because i cant interact w him (or anyone for that matter) in a normal, non-embarrassing way

its almost like i was born to be embarrassed and ashamed 24/7

also girl i just want a boyf…….is rhat so wrong…….to desire the boyf………whatever

[serejae]

they dont know about us | c.hansol

pairing : vernon x reader

WHAT ! - being the only person able to read vernon is a strange concept to others, i guess your relationship is unique (in which, your the only person able to read vernons expressions

warnings : kisses, petnames, mentions of the other svt members, mention of dead people, slight skin ship, not proof read, established relationship au

-

WHEN HE HAS A ATTIUDE

seungkwan, vernon, and you were sitting in the middle of seungkwans living room playing uno. things were getting heated since vernon gave you 3 plus 4 uno cards in a row. so in return to help you out, seungkwan gave you a swap card to swap his stack with yours so you could win

“hey, youre suppose to give the stack to me if your gonna place it down” vernon said, to anyone else his tone would be monotone and blank, but to you, you could hear the slight disappointment in his tactic of teaming up on you.

“my house, my rules” seungkwan replied rolled his eyes at vernon protest as he put down a plus 4 card on vernon. vernons mouth slightly opened in shock, after a few seconds of processing he looked over at you.

to the normal eye this wouldve been a man looking over at someone, but to you this was vernons attitude come in. you could read him perfectly, being able to read anything his face shows from visibly to hidden. no matter how he presents his emotions it seems like you could always tell what hes feeling

“dont give me that look just because you wanted me to lose” you yelled slightly, he laughed and shook his head knowing he was caught

“what look?” seungkwan looked up

“you didnt see the reaction on his face after you put down the plus 4?”

“yeah the face of a dead person, he didnt make a face it was just…blank”

“yeah i didnt make a face” vernon teased making you groan

“he did make a face! he was giving me attitude” you defended yourself to a lost seungkwan and a happy vernon

“you both are so weird”

-

WHEN HES SAD

“i dont know where it could be” vernon ran his hand through his hair as he sat down on the couch frustrated, right now, he thinks he has his eyebrows furrowed, a pout and a slight redness to his cheek. but in reality hes just blanked out. like a mannequin, just sitting there with a blank stare

“its fine you could always buy another” dino said sitting on the floor eating off the coffee table in front of vernon.

vernon sighed as he slumped himself into the couch even more. “yn bought it for me, i cant replace it”

“i mean they could always buy you another one”

“but its not the same”

just then you walked in through the door saying hi to dino and vernon. as your eyes drifted to vernon you see him slumped on the couch with a very (in your eyes) big pout on his face. sitting right next to him you caressed his cheek “whats wrong? whats with the look on your face?”

“what look?” dino said as he chewed his food puzzled

“you dont see the big pout on vernons face?” you turned to dino

“no”

“its right there” you pointed at vernons lips where the pout evidently laid

“i think youre seeing things yn”

-

WHEN HES SCARED

vernon had his arm around your shoulder as the movie wrapped up. you could feel the gentle grip he had that tighted at times a jump scare came up.

when the movie finally ended, vernon got up and gave you a hand to help you up, as you held his hand you looked over and saw his scared face, automatically you busted out laughing making dokyeom and joshuw look over at you two

“whats so funny?” dokyeom asked smiling in amusement as he put a piece of popcorn in his mouth

“look at vernons face, hes so scared” you laughed

dokyeom moved his head to look at vernons face and furrowed his eyebrows while looking over at joshua, joshua was just as confused raising his eyebrow.

“yn, vernon does not look scared at all” joshua chuckled observing vernons expression closer

“what do you mean? you dont see his lips quivering?” now it was your turn to furrow your eyebrows

“i think thats your eyes moving really fast…i dont think its his lips” joshua said making dokyeom laugh

-

WHEN HES IN LOVE

all the members sat around the dinner table with their partners at the house party you and vernon were hosting. vernons finger caressed your thigh in a comforting way letting you know he was there. you laid your hand ontop of vernons fingers and whispered to him

“lets go start on the dishes as they talk”

he nods and lets you get up first before following you to the kitchen. the kitchen gave a view of the dining room to you both as well to everyone else. he washed dishes as you dried them, but something about vernon doing dishes in a basic t shirt with his hair down was doing something to you. you stared at him with your pupils dilated as he looked at you with his brown eyes. at this point vernon probably wss scrubbing the same spot 50 times but that was the least of his priorities

“vernon ah, yns looking at you with love and youre looking at her as if she crashed your car” hoshi joked making you and vernon look away

quick to defend him you spoke up

“what do you mean? he was looking at me with love?”

“that isnt love, thats him turning you into stone” scoups laughed

“i swear you guys have to be able to see the expression on his face”

looking around you see no one siding with you

“is vernon gaslighting you?” jeonghan questioned

looking back over at vernon, he was already staring at you just as confused, he shrugged his shoulders and you both continued washing the dishes.

-

WHEN HES VULNERABLE

“i dont get it, why cant they see the emotions on your face like i do?” you complained slightly annoyed as you laid on his chest

vernon hummed as his fingers ran through your hair. “i dunno

but i kinda like it”

“you do?”

“yeah” he replied simply

“it reminds me that youre special to me, that we have a special relationship. youre the only one who can read my emotions, the others cant and dont understand me like you do.

they dont know about us,

i like that its your special superpower

i dont want them to be able to read me like you can

just a me and you thing”

as you listened to his words you looked up at him and could see it in his face that he meant every word. how he cherished each special interaction you both had that no one else understood. because he liked being different, he liked how no one could get him, but he liked it even more how you were the only one who could

so maybe his friends cant read his emotions on his face and maybe they find him weird , but you can and dont

and thats all that matters to him

[loganhowlettsmybf]

hated desire

pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader

warnings: almost smut, swearing, fighting, knives, mention of blood

summary: you hate logan howlett. especially when you can see his, sweaty and naked muscular upper body while you two are training.

word count: 500+

a/n: aghh i’m literally shaking, i hope you like it🫶🏻 also everyone here is so sweet and supportive😭 so thank y’all for encouraging me

[english isn’t my first language, so sorry if there’s any mistakes but i still hope it’s enjoyable<333]

(also my requests are open, so feel free to ask one-shots that comes to your mind or just message me anything🫶🏻)

you hated him.

you hated his arrogant attitude, his ego. just because he has a body of a god and he knew it, that doesn’t mean he has to be an ass.

but the thing you hate the most about him is how wet he makes you, when you two are training together and he doesn’t wear a shirt so you can see all his detailed muscles.

like in the exact. same. moment.

you snapped back into the reality, daydreaming is for later, right now you have to kick his ass.

“ready to lose again, howlett?” you taunted, flipping a knife effortlessly between your fingers.

logan snorted, a smirk curling his lips. “you wish, sweetheart. let’s see if you can keep up.”

you lunged at him with a swift, well-practiced strike, but logan blocked it with his claws.

"you fight like a little girl," logan smirked, feinting a strike.

"it is so much better than fighting like an old man," you shot back, while one of your knife is grazing his side, a little blood dropping out of him. but that was just for a moment, he healed immediately.

oh how much you hated his healing ability too.

“fuck,” logan grunted, more annoyed, than hurt. He spun, catching your wrist and twisting it just enough to make you drop the knives. the closeness of your bodies sent a shiver down your spine. you could feel his breath on your neck, his muscular frame pressing against you.

“is that all you got?” logan growled, his voice low and husky. he leaned in, his breath hot against your ear. “i thought you were tougher than this.”

in a swift motion, you freed yourself, your knives flashing as you launched another attack while logan blocked you effortlessly.

you pushed back, using your agility to twist away, but not before grazing his side with your blade.

“did I just cut you? again? ohh, you're getting sloppy,” you say while trying to steady your racing heart.

logan’s eyes darkened. he advanced with a ferocity that matched your own. in a swift, fluid motion, logan disarmed you, pinning you against the wall with his claws dangerously close to your throat, your faces inches apart.

"you think you can keep me against the wall?" you breathed.

logan's lips curling into a dangerous smile. "i think you like it when i do," he murmured, his face so close you could feel his breath. “you think i don’t know how wet you’re everytime you see me. just like right now. and how this position with my claws, against your throat turns you on,” he whispered in your ear.

you started to panic. you didn’t know what his next action will be. the tension between you was growing, and before you could even say something he was kissing you, hard and demanding. at first you were surprised, but you responded with equal fervor, you hands tangling in his hair, pulling him closer, his hands gripping your hips as he pressed you even harder against the wall.

your kiss deepened, becoming more urgent, more desperate. logan’s claws retracted, and he lifted you easily, your legs wrapping around his waist. you felt yourself melting against him. your hatred mixed with an undeniable hunger.

just as things were about to get out of control, logan pulled back, his breathing was heavy.

"this ain't the place," he growled, though his eyes were filled with the same desire that burned in you. he brushed his thumb across your swollen lips. “but don’t think even just for a minute, that this is over.”

[florrysgf]

LOOK AT ME! alex karev x fem!reader

SUMMARY: in which you struggle after the loss of a patient, and alex is there to calm you down

WARNINGS: panic attack, grief, mentions of death

WORD COUNT: 0.8k +

The moment you heard the machine flatline, you swore you felt your heart in your throat. You also felt the sweat dripping down your brow as you immediately shook your head, locking your hands and starting compressions on the patients chest. You couldn’t lose her, you just couldn’t. She had four kids, for God’s sake. No matter how many times you pressed against her chest, she just wasn’t coming back.

“No,” You whispered, warm tears threatening to spool from your eyelids. “C’mon,” you breathed.

Dr. Bailey came up behind you, a similar look of grief in her eyes as she gently grasped your shoulder, attempting to pull you away. “Dr. L/N,”

“C’mon!” You yelled out with a shaky, broken voice.

“Dr. L/N,” Miranda tried again, a little more forcefully this time, but you just didn’t stop. The rest of the surgeons in the OR stayed silent, sharing looks, none of them wanting to interfere with your clear distress. “Dr. L/N, she’s gone.”

You let out a pained sob and your body suddenly went limp. Dr. Bailey stepped in front of you, pulling your hands away from the patient as you were positioned next to Dr. Shepherd. He rested a hand on your shoulder whilst you fixated your eyes on Miranda, inhaling as she looked up at the clock.

“Time of death: 21:04.”

Dr. Bailey’s words rattled through you so fast, that you felt yourself struggling to breath. “No, no, no,” The heat began to spread through your body, it felt like the walls were closing in, like you you were going to explode. You had to get out of there.

Ripping off your scrub cap, you burst through the OR doors, running out into the hall and collapsing against the wall. “No,” you whispered once more, clutching your chest with both of your hands, trying your best to steady your breathing. All you could hear was the screeching sound of the machine filling your ears, and the hospital corridor around you was now a blur.

“Oh my god, Y/N.” You ever so slightly managed to hear the familiar voice of your boyfriend calling out your name, as he knelt down beside you, concern spread all across his face.

“Y/N, babe,” Alex watched as you sat slumped against the wall, your hands pressed to your chest and you heaved. He extended out his arms, one tightly gripping your shoulder, and the other cupping your cheek at an attempt to reassure you. “Y/N.” He repeated, keeping his tone soft not to stress you further. “Y/N, I need you to look at me, please. Can you do that?”

When your struggles for breath got faster, Alex quickly started to panic, “Y/N, look at me!” He sternly said, shaking you slightly and pulling you harshly back into reality. He watched as your eyelids flickered open, as your rapid breaths calmed down when you looked at him. There you were. You never told him what happened - you couldn’t. Nor did you need to, the look in your eyes told him all he needed to know.

You studied his face. Alex seemed sad. For the patient and her family, but more so for you. He knew that you were blaming yourself, but it wasn’t your fault. And he needed you to know that. He pulled you in for a hug, allowing you to sob into his shoulder the second he wrapped his arms around you. You felt his hands rub soft circles on your back, whilst he pressed gentle kisses to your temple. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. Need you to calm down for me.”

“It’s all my fault.” You croaked out between sobs as you heavy breaths finally slowed down.

“Hey,” Alex scolded, pulling away from the embrace. He cupped your cheeks with both his hands, pulling your chin up to ensure you were looking at him. “Don’t say that, don’t you ever say that.” His tone was stern yet sincere, “There was nothing else you could’ve done. She was sick, she’d been sick for a long time. It was not your fault, Y/N. Okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered under your breath, but loud enough that he could still hear you, “Okay.”

Alex continued to hold you as you calmed down, it felt as though the the whole world was crumbling away from underneath you both. As the two of you sat there against the wall, thoughts began to swirl around your head again, thoughts of what was going to happen next. “Oh god,” you whimpered, sitting up slightly as your eyes filled once more, “I have to tell her husband.”

Alex tightened his grip on you. He’s just calmed you down, if you got stressed out again you’d only hurt yourself. “No.” He was quick to shake his head, “No, you don’t. Bailey can do it. You need to stay here with me and calm down or you’ll make yourself sick.”

[fire-lizard-ro]

Smol snippet because the angst hit me all of a sudden.

CW: mentions of death, mental fucking breakdown djxkd-, grief, angst, Sunday is sad :’’’’)), 2.0-2.1 spoilers.

(Disclaimer with a 2.2 trailer/livestream spoiler: I’m aware that she isn’t actually dead, but this is made in mind with Sunday who doesn’t know that.)

No mentioned gender for reader.

Writing under the cut (SFW):

“My baby, my baby. You’re my baby say it to me.”

Cradled in your arms he cannot even cry. He feels empty and lost. Sunday… what use is the name Sunday if there is no Robin to call after him? He failed her. Her, the one who shone so brightly in his life.

He can remember every birthday, every scrape, every “good morning” and “good night”. He can remember every “I love you”. Thinking about these memories, holding that light cone with a moment in time held so dear trapped within it’s frame- It fills the emptiness with something.

Sunday tightens his grip on you, fingers twisting in the back of your shirt as a silent sob wracks his body.

Anguish.

That is the name of the emotion that colors his empty insides with dark and dreary hues of blues and blacks; his heart with the color of life as it bleeds in her absence.

You pet the back of his head, holding him back just as tightly as he finally allows himself to fall apart in only the company of solitude and you. The seraph finally allows his wings to rest. The figurehead finally takes off the perfect mask.

“Why did it have to be her?” He can’t understand how this happened. How could his lovely, perfect sister be gone?

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, Sunday,” is all you can say. But that much is enough. He lets his tears wet your shoulder as he hides away from the reality of her death and the world. He’s grateful you’re here at least. In the back of his mind that’s fracturing and breaking to pieces, he wonders what he’d do if he didn’t even have you to hold him together. Would he fall apart? Lose himself entirely?

A dash of gratitude and love colors his bleakness in a splash of warm pinks and oranges- Like the sunset he watched with you in the dreamscape not too long ago.

She was everything before he met you. Being the older brother, she was like his first child. He can remember looking at her tiny, chubby face when she was still too young to talk, and thinking- “This is my baby sister.” He was supposed to take care of her- protect her.

Thinking of how someone killed her in cold blood and made those starlight eyes close forever… Deep reds formed.

Anger.

He would force the criminal into the light and bring about retribution for their evil.

“Will you help me?”

He asked, eyes almost manic and wings spread; looking almost like an angry, vengeful fallen angel in that moment.

You took his hand and he smiled, leaning down to kiss the hand that accepted his.

“Thank you, my love.”

I wanted to include how every older sibling’s first child is their baby sibling, lololol. And just. I can’t imagine how much grief he had to have been going through. OTL

I might edit this or add to it later this was just a blurb I wrote in like five minutes-

[sc0tters]

Present | Nico Hischier

summary: Sydney and Nico were given a second chance but do they take it or leave the once broken relationship, broken.

request: for @writingonleaves in the @callsign-denmark‘s luck of the puck fic exchange.

warnings: swearing, drinking, like two brief mentions about sexual themes.

word count: 8.75k

authors note: this was SO much fun to write oh my god! there could have been about 3k more in this but I was trimming portions to try to get it out in time. Think I have fallen in love with another fic couple and this was honestly really different to my normal stuff so we might see some small changes to future works because of this!

Nico was like a bad smell she couldn’t get rid of.

Albeit they had broken up well over four years ago, Sydney still couldn’t let herself move on. That was the first relationship that she had been the one to end it. What made that all the much more painful to swallow was that she was on a losing battle playing second fiddle to hockey.

The last normal conversation they had felt like it was weeks ago. Sydney had forced herself into everything that wasn’t Nico after they started fighting. Arguments ranged from complaints of how long Nico was spending at the rink away from practice to how she felt like more like his roommate than his girlfriend. Both had the same complaints behind them, Sydney missed her boyfriend.

Yet each time she tried to confront him about the matter Nico reminded her that she wouldn’t understand what was going on in his life as it was hockey. Those blows were low and she hoped she could forget about them tonight when she swore he was going to be the same caring and thoughtful Nico that Sydney fell for a year and a half ago. Her birthday was one night that Nico made Sydney feel like a princess.

So as this night came around for the second time in their relationship and the third time since he met her. It would have been understandable for her to have had expectations. But in reality all she wanted was for him to show up.

After missing two different nights with her friends and one dinner with her parents after cancelling in the last moments. Sydney’s friends resorted to saying how he was flakier than dandruff but nobody thought he could miss his girls birthday. Sure Nico had things to learn in life, but just like hockey he was learning to be a better boyfriend each day.

Sydney tried to remind herself of that as she sat at the table staring at the empty spot next to her. Everyone did their best to take her mind off of the fact that this time Nico hadn’t even given her an excuse. But no matter how hard they tried to mask their disappointment for the Swiss boy, nothing changed the fact that Sydney felt so alone in a room of the people who were meant to make her the happiest.

So part of her felt a little relieved when it came time for her to go home. Her coat was heavy on her skin as she began the short walk back to the apartment “wait!” The voice made her freeze as her grip on the gifts she held intensified.

Her mouth felt dry as she turned to see Nico running towards her “schatzi I’m so sorry.” The hockey player blurted out as he finally stopped in front of her with his tie loosely fastened around his neck. Sydney clicked her tongue as she shook her head “all I wanted was one night where you would put me first.” She admitted looking at the ground.

The boy was quick to place his hands on her shoulders “of course I put you first, you’re my girlfriend.” Nico spoke plainly like it was the stupidest thing he had heard her say “do you really?” Sydney scoffed as she took a step back.

It seemed as she had snapped “you never want to spend time with me anymore and when you do you’re on your phone distracted.” He avoided her eye as she mentioned that “but when you do pay attention you make me feel so awful like I’m uncool like or not good enough for you.” She brought her hand to her eye to wipe away a tear before it had the chance to roll down her cheek.

Nico knew he hadn’t been a great boyfriend as of recent but he thought he could change “practice went late tonight.” He confessed letting her look down to see his devils bag still in his hand “I think we should break up.” Sydney blurted out and in that moment the hockey player swore his world stopped spinning.

His eyes widened as he tried to figure out if this was just some joke “I mean we barely act like we’re together anyways and when we do we fight so it won’t be much different to right now.” Sydney shrugged as she pointed it out to him.

The boy remained silent as he wanted to wake up from whatever bad dream this was meant to be “goodbye Nico.” She mouthed trying all that she could to not let her voice break as she felt her heart go.

He watched her turn her foot as she began to leave him “please Syd don’t leave.” Nico pleaded feeling himself grow nauseated by the silence as her heels clicking against the sidewalk echoed in his ear “I love you.” It was a place hope statement for him wanting to make sure that she couldn’t leave without hearing him say it one last time.

Nico let out a sigh of relief finally seeing her turn around “there we are.” He smiled holding his arms out as she hugged him “I love you Nico.” Sydney sniffled as she felt a tear roll down her cheek resulting in him kissing her temple.

It took everything from her in that moment to stop herself from listening to her gut as she was close to staying with him “but I simply do not like you anymore.” Her confession had him dropping his hands from around her as he grew confused “and for that I can’t stay.” Sydney shook her head as she cupped his cheek getting one last time to look at him before she stepped away.

Nico felt like the world hated him as a cab pulled up in front of them “I’ll get my stuff during the week.” Sydney announced knowing that he was going to have a roadtrip and wouldn’t be able to stop her. What killed him the most wasn’t that she left, it was the fact that she didn’t even look back to him before she got in the cab.

Even as that happened years ago, the memory still managed to haunt the Jersey native. Even as she completed her degree Sydney couldn’t help but avoid that block. Nico had done well pushing his emotions down as he tried to respect her wishes. It hurt him that Sydney had walked out of his life but he knew she wasn’t unjustified. Nina made sure to call her younger brother out when she was on the other end of a drunken phone call from him.

Despite the fact that, his family only met Sydney on a handful of FaceTime calls, it was clear that she was ready to give him the world. So it was suffice to say that the family was shocked to hear that things had ended. Nobody blamed her for leaving either, but when she revealed to her Instagram page that Nina of course still followed that Sydney moved to Florida. Seeing her in a new NHL teams colors served as the harsh reminder that there was no space for their relationship to come back together.

From time to time Nico would drive past places in New Jersey and would see the memories of the grin imprinted on her face. He’d sometimes go back to the old restaurants and places that Sydney showed him wanting to make sure her Swiss man saw the real city. Nico somehow always ended up disappointed when she wouldn’t show up.

They had each learnt over the years how to live apart whilst never letting go of the remnants of that stained your hearts. Sydney loved being in Tampa, her dream was to work in sport and she was doing it. The lightings began to hold her heart and Sydney swore she would never leave, even as the garden state was still her home.

So when the star’s seemed to align and she was let go from Tampa mere hours before the offer came to go home. To say that Sydney was contemplating it that was an understatement, a life she loved that she ran from was ready to catch up to her. All of those years avoiding the hockey shows and the prudential centre were now for nothing.

Her friends swore she was stupid for even considering turning down the offer, not only was it finally a chance to come home. But it was also the job that Sydney had in a big circle on her vision board as a teen. Nico ended the season injured and that meant that Sydney was going to have to work with him.

That’s why she ended up on FaceTime with her closest friend needing all of the advice that she could get “what are you so afraid of Syd?” Willow sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair “what if things end up the same again?” Sydney’s voice was barely above a whisper as she swirled the wine in her glass. The fears were justified as the girls remembered the time that Sydney was always left waiting only to be met with disappointment.

Willow much like Sydney had left New Jersey after they graduated, yet she didn’t have as much to lose coming back “look I’m in New York if he thinks about being an ass.” Willow offered resulting in a smile forming on the older girls lips “I guess I should get on a call and tell them I’m coming home?” Sydney announced as she figured that nothing could go too badly wrong.

Family skates were a time that everyone loved and to celebrate the start of the season Nico convinced Sydney to join him for her first time on the ice “you seriously telling me you don’t know how to skate?” Nico couldn’t help but laugh as he stared at the girls nervous expression “I was always a field hockey girl growing up so don’t even!” Sydney scoffed as she shook her head.

It made the boy smile “think it’s cute you didn’t know.” The hockey player confessed as he looked down to her skates “just keep your doing that with your feet.” Nico nodded as he loosened his grip on her hands.

Sydney felt her eyes go wide “you better not.” She shook her head going to argue with him “I won’t let you get hurt schatzi.” He kissed her temple before let finally let go her sending a soft push to the small of her back “I’m doing it!” She cheered realizing that she could now skate by herself.

Nico smiled on as he let out a laugh “I’m so proud of you!” He clasped his hands together “wait how do I stop?” Her voice went shaky as Nico forgot to teach her that part.

A smile formed on Sydney’s lips as she fiddled with her necklace remembering that moment as she stared at the ice in front of her “doc is that you?” A familiar Canadian laughed as he hadn’t seen her in years “good to see you Bas.” Sydney turned around to see the older boy who matched her grin.

It took him seconds to pull her into a hug “time has been good to you kid.” He announced hinting to her longer hair that now wasn’t touched by the box color that Sydney loved to play with in college “I hope you aren’t stealing the doctor before I finish giving her the tour Nate.” Jillian teased as she had been tasked with showing Sydney around.

Sydney turned her attention to the older woman when she heard the sound of the boys coming in “if we could just head straight to my office so I could set up?” She proposed hoping that Jillian would agree, unaware of the girls reasoning for cutting her tour early “yeah sure.” The blonde nodded as she motioned to Sydney to follow her.

Within two minutes Nico was stood in the space that once held Sydney’s feet “you’re here early.” The captain pointed out as he furrowed his eyebrows “just figured I’d come meet the new physio early.” Nate shrugged as he threw his hands into his jacket.

His panicked state was noted by the younger boy “was he really that bad?” Nico let out a snort as he began to think that he wouldn’t need any rehabilitation before the trip to Czechia “I’ll let you make your own opinions about her.” The Canadian patted the boys back before he walked away fearing he’d say anything more.

Sydney felt herself cheer as she looked to everything that she had organized “nobody told me when I should see you but I need to be-” Nico cut himself off as his eyes widened seeing her name on the plate that sat on her desk “Sydney.” Her name felt foreign on his tongue as he never knew he’d get the chance to say it again.

The girl froze not knowing what to do as a smile forced its way onto her lips “what is it that you needed to see me for?” She cocked her head ignoring the way her heart pounded out of her chest “to get cleared so I can be back on the ice.” Nico explained as he pointed to his shoulder.

She nodded directing her head to where the examination table sat “go sit up there.” The girl pulled her hair into a pony “take your shirt off too.” She added watching him sit there like he was frozen.

His cheeks turned red as he grew embarrassed “right sorry.” He sighed pulling his shirt off before he placed it next to him “so how are you?” Sydney’s voice was soft as she ran her finger over the area.

Nico watched her intently “I mean I’ve been as good as one can be for captain and injured.” He confessed as he shrugged wincing as her hands turned her shoulder “I meant how is your shoulder feeling?” The girl stood there awkwardly as she reminded him why he was there.

The boy nodded as he gasped “right sorry.” The hockey player was quick to make it seem like he knew that all along “really hoping I’m ready to be cleared.” He was scared that she would stop him from traveling.

Sydney clicked her tongue as she stared at his arm “well I think you should pack your bags.” A smile formed on her lips as his eyes lit up “so think you should go get back to your team cap.” She bit her lower lip as it got caught between her teeth.

He pulled his shirt over his head and it helped her breathe again as she was no longer staring at his chiseled chest “so how have you been?” Nico twiddled his thumbs as he took in the sight of Sydney in her devils tracksuit “last few years in Florida has been real good t’me.” She shrugged trying to ignore the fact that he still used the same cologne that she had bought him.

All he could do was nod as his eyes leaned to the door “y’know I’m sorry.” Nico apologized as he sucked at his teeth “think you should get back to your team now.” She reminded him as she shook her head not caring for his apology.

Nico frowned when he watched her open her door “schatzi please.” He pleaded with a frown “think it’s best if you go.” Sydney mumbled looking to the floor as she refused to meet his eyes until he left.

As the door shut behind her she let out a breath that she didn’t even know she was holding in “fuck.” The physio felt her voice break when her head pushed against the door. It was going to long season if Sydney couldn’t even get through the mere act of talking to him.

Nico felt like he was barely above water watching the team practice as his legs bounced. His mind ran a million miles a minute holding every thought that he had kept in about Sydney came flooding back “you okay?” Jesper furrowed his eyebrows as he slid onto the bench next to the captain.

The Swiss man sighed as he nodded “she’s back.” The blonde couldn’t tell if the captain was asking him or admitting to that “who is?” Jesper felt like he was out of the loop.

Before Nico could answer him the older boy began poking his thigh “Syd is the new doc!” He whisper yelled feeling as though his mouth was about to fall out of his jaw “I know!” Nico sent him a glare trying to hint to his teammate that she was who he was talking about.

His lips turned into an o shape as he nodded “guys I expect you all to make yourself familiar with your new physio Sydney James.” The coach pointed to her as she sent the guys an awkward wave.

She was grateful for the fact that only a handful of the devils players she knew were still with the team as unfamiliar faces stared back at her “don’t try getting hurt to meet me early though, I look forward to meeting you guys throughout the season.” Her joke went down well with the team who cracked a laugh in response.

It made Nico feel sick as he saw the way that Luke and Alex looked up at the girl. They were far too friendly with her that the Swiss man wished he could just announce to the team that Sydney was off limits. But as she was pulled into a conversation with Nate who couldn’t help but send Nico a reminding look, the captain knew it wouldn’t work.

He spent the first two weeks of training trying to get his emotions under control as Nico needed to keep the green eyed monster to himself. Part of him wished he was still injured so that he could be the one spending time in her office as Sydney hadn’t spoken to him after that moment when she cleared him. Nico was willing to go as far as to pull some kind of rank to get the chance to sit with her during the flight to Czechia, only stopping once he was spoken down.

The flight was peaceful for the girl who got her beloved window seat. If there was one trait that Sydney was happy to say she got from her mom it was the fact that she could fall asleep anywhere and the hard plane wall seemed to be a favorite. Her phone was out as the team got to their hotel, snapping pictures to send back to Willow so the girls could talk about their future trips to Europe.

Nico smiled as he saw the girl grin only letting his expression drop when she flipped her phone around to show something to Jack that made him laugh in response. The Hughes boy was finally getting a chance to get to know her as the couple of interactions they had prior, were all under her being Nico’s girlfriend.

It was unclear to the Swiss man though when Sydney and Jack became so close but now he had seen them sit together on the bus for the entire ride to the hotel “you cannot be jealous Nico.” Nate reminded the younger boy as he could sense the glare the captain sent the centre from a mile away.

As she laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear Nico felt his heart flutter “I’m going to give him extra laps then.” Nico warned looking up to his friends “why don’t you talk to her?” Nate shot back pointing out that it was the most obvious thing that he could have done.

That resulted in Nico rolling his eyes as he shook his head “she didn’t seem like she wanted that.” He mumbled choosing to believe that Sydney had a change of heart by now “look don’t tell her I suggested this but she won’t turn you down if you’re injured.” Nate lowered his voice as he avoided the girls eyes like he was sharing a secret or something.

Nico truly wanted to call the idea for what it was which was a plan destined to fail “that’s never going to work.” He knew that he couldn’t hide anything from his Sydney and the captain prayed that she still knew him like that “just think about it.” Were the parting words that the older boy left with him as he walked off.

It didn’t take long for the knock to come at Sydney’s temporary office door “come in!” She called out as she wrapped the ice packs ready to go “hey Syd.” His voice was soft as he stood with one foot in the doorframe.

The girl furrowed her eyebrows as she turned to see Nico looking anywhere but where she was “what’s up cap?” The physio crossed her arms waiting to hear what brought him into her office “hurt my shoulder.” He pointed to the recently recovered one and it made the girl feel like her heart was in her chest.

She motioned to him to come over like he was a sick child waking their parent up in the middle of the night “did this happen in practice or?” It worried Sydney as the last she saw of him he was looking alright. Because as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she had been keeping an eye on him.

Nico nodded “Nate pushed me into the board and I think I just hit it weirdly.” He confessed as he took his shirt off not caring for the fact that he threw the older boy under the bus “good news is that it looks really good.” Sydney mumbled to herself as she studied the moment of his arm.

Of course the boy thought she was complimenting him at first “ah.” His gasp sounded like a wince making the girl furrow her eyebrows “you know I think we might have to pull you from tomorrow’s game if it doesn’t get better.” That was a blatant lie made her want to see just how honest the boy in front of her was being.

His eyes went wide as he thought about it “maybe I just need a painkiller and good night sleep and I’ll be good?” He offered as she dropped her hands going to reprimand him “doc!” The whine echoed in the hall quickly turning Sydney’s attention away from the boy.

She frowned seeing Luke walk in as he clutched his nose “what’s up bud?” The girl was quick to go over to his side to help him to her table “Jack hit me with the puck.” He explained making her hold back a laugh as this wasn’t the first time the siblings sent each other to see her.

So as Nico sat there dumbfounded by how fast he lost her attention Sydney couldn’t help but glare at him “if you’re done playing pretend I have an actual patient I need to see.” She spoke with spite. He was left to grab his shirt as he went to scurry out of the room beyond embarrassed with the new mental note to never listen to Nate again.

Maybe Sydney would have felt better if she knew the guilt that Nico carried after he left her room. But as she sat on the phone, she didn’t really care how he felt “you know the slap in the face that I felt today?” Sydney sighed as she fiddled with the ends of her robes strings.

Willow was still in bed as she had barely woken up from a night out “look I think you need to have a serious chat with him because that was a total dick move.” All the older girl did was validate her feelings “if he wants to have a relationship with you then he needs to be mature.” She added leaving Sydney to nod as she stared out of her window capturing the European nightlife.

It hurt her knowing that he seemed to care enough that little to do that to her “Will I think there’s someone at the door.” Sydney sighed hearing the sound of breathing outside of her room “I should go back to bed anyways.” Willows words made the younger girl laugh as the screen went black.

Sydney took those few paces to get to the other side of her room “hey-oh.” Her face dropped seeing Nico now stood in front of her “can we talk?” This time round his face was full of this sorry expression that even made the physio feel bad for spending her last hour bitching about him.

She nodded opening her door a little further to let him in as she wanted to avoid Nate and John’s room that was right across the hall from hers “I was a dick today.” Nico never really knew what words were appropriate for certain situations, especially when they came to the girl in front of him.

He watched her facial expressions softened as she let her arms drop to her sides “I know.” She nodded letting out a sigh “I just keep on trying to figure out how the hell we navigate this because I’m really happy you’re back.” The captain confessed as he scratched the nape of his neck.

Sydney did her best to hold back a grin as she knew his words were going to make her swoon “I just don’t want to lose you again.” They both knew he was hinting to romantically yet as the room grew hot she ignored that “you pull a stunt like that again and I will not talk to you.” She felt like he had made a mockery of her job by faking being hurt just to talk to her.

The boy nodded “I’m not that scary and if you want to talk just tell me that.” She warned him making him smile “I’ll make sure you have your food before I come talk.” He teased making her playfully roll her eyes as she pretended to be annoyed.

Nico watched her send him a genuine smile as he heard his phone go off reminding him that he was meant to be playing the F1 video game with Timo “well I think I should head back to mine now.” He announced reading the message from the boy wondering where he was.

Sydney nodded as she tugged at the necklace on her neck “and Nico?” Her voice was softer as they both shifted back to her door “I’m glad to be back too.” Whilst the physio couldn’t bring herself to say what she meant aloud, Nico knew it all too tell “have a nice night Syd.” Once he started the walk back to his room he realized that they each knew each other too well.

It was one of the reasons why neither one of them could find themselves in a long term relationship with another person. Their hearts couldn’t be given to strangers when the scars of that relationship were still impounded on them. So as much as Sydney probably would hate to admit it, she was still the same person that Nico knew like the back of his hand and he was that to her.

If Sydney had the choice her birthday would have been just another day. After the nightmare that was her birthday when she broke up with Nico it became a day she preferred to forget. That’s why she ended up awake early and on a run through the city she missed. It made her happy seeing the way that the summer leaves were now turning to different shades of fall with crisp oranges and reds painted the trees and streets in front of her.

Going for a run was never her first choice of activities but now that she was back in Nico’s life for her birthday, it brought up emotions Sydney wished to forget. Her feet took her to coffee shop that she hadn’t seen in years “you okay doc?” Jack’s voice was soft as he furrowed his eyebrows “just great.”She lied pulling her AirPods out of her ear as her head felt dizzy.

Jack held his hand out to the girl as he motioned inside “I could do with some company when I have my coffee if the birthday girl pleases.” A smile formed on his face as she was quickly confused forgetting about her previous emotions “really thought Nico wouldn’t tell us about your birthday?” Jack didn’t now the details of why they ended as neither party felt up to revealing that to him.

Sydney shook her head as her eyes stuck to the corner as memories came flooding back into her mind “can’t say I expected him rush to it.” She mumbled clenching her hand around her phone as she realized that nothing had changed in the cafe after all those years. The Hughes boy saw where she was staring“you want to go sit there and I’ll get you your normal?” Before he waited for the girl to answer the hockey player left wanting to get her a birthday treat.

It had been pouring all day when Nico ran into the girls favorite cafe “hey schatzi.” He smiled kissing her temple before he slid into the seat next to her “you’re all wet!” She complained feeling him shake his hair in her face like a dog.

A laugh left his lips as he hooked his fingers under her jaw “missed ya.” Nico mumbled before he pecked her lips. The kiss was far too short for her approval and it had her letting her lips form a pout as Sydney went to kiss him again “seems you missed me too.” The hockey player smirked watching his girlfriend roll her eyes.

His hands went to her sides pulling her that much closer to her as he smiled “don’t know why I do.” She clicked her tongue pulling him into a proper kiss. Nico groaned as her tongue swiped across his lower lip and before he got the chance to enjoy the kiss she pulled away “that’s why.” Nico nodded to himself as he had to do everything in his power to stop the blood from rushing to his cock.

Jack noticed that Sydney hadn’t moved and it left him squeezing her arm as he grew worried “you alright doc?” He furrowed his brows watching as she practically had her soul come back into her body “yeah I-I’m sorry.” She nodded tucking her loose strands from her braid behind her ear.

The boy felt bad thinking he had been apart of it “we can take it to go and I’ll drop you off at yours if you’d prefer?” Jack offered hoping that the girl would tell him what was going on eventually “yeah maybe that would be best.” Sydney nodded as she frowned “think I need to go home and take the day.” Part of her felt pathetic as she truthfully thought that she could survive and get through it all but maybe she wasn’t that brave.

From the moment Nico realized that Sydney wasn’t at work he felt like shit. Jack didn’t fail to mention his little interaction with the girl and how she was really off from the moment they walked into that cafe “what if she doesn’t want to see anyone?” Jack inquired as he pulled up his phone to find the address that the physio had put in when he dropped her off “she can turn me away and I won’t say that it was you who gave me the address.”Nico knew he wouldn’t stop worrying about the girl.

It made the boy scoff “I am telling you so I don’t get extra laps.” Jack reminded the older boy as he spoke in a duh tone “same thing?” The captain shrugged as he rolled his eyes.

Sydney sat comfortably with her pint of ice cream when she was curled up in a blanket“go away I’m sick!” She faked a cough at the sound of a knock at her door “I know you’re in there and I know you’re okay!” Nico called out as he looked to the bags of Chinese takeaway in his hands.

She furrowed her eyebrows as she skeptically walked to the door “what are you doing here?” The physio asked staring through the peephole to see where he was “you shouldn’t spend your birthday alone.” He was met with silence “and I brought you food.” That offer worked far better as the girl opened the door.

Nico smiled as he held the bags up “can I come in?” He asked as she nodded “you didn’t need to do this.” Sydney pointed out as she shoved her hands into her hoodie pockets.

It made the boy roll his eyes “I am here because you deserve it and you always loved this places egg rolls.” The smell made Sydney moan “god you are a saint.” She nodded opening the bag like she hadn’t eaten in weeks “why is there a cupcake on the top?” Sydney took a step back as she cocked her head waiting for this answer.

The captain awkwardly looked to the ground “realized I’ve never gotten you a cupcake on your birthday.” He confessed reflecting on how poor of a boyfriend he had to her “thank you for this.” Her smile was genuine as her heart felt full.

He brushed her off as he wanted to just do something nice for her “so why don’t you go sit down and I’ll get some plates?” It was like a flip switched in their minds and before they both knew it they were back to this domestic couple laying on the couch as they caught up “so how is it being captain?” Sydney had never gotten the chance to congratulate him on that as they always thought she’d be by his side when it happened.

The boy placed his chopsticks on his plate as he looked up “I’m just glad we are doing better than last season.” In a competition for felt like last place Nico was relieved to know that the team had improved “everyone always blames the captain when the stuff on the ice goes wrong.” The weight of the world had been on his shoulders and he didn’t think he could do it again.

Sydney frowned as she shook her head placing her hand on his “never thought it was your fault neeks.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she squeezed his hand “you’d be someone who would be the most justified to hate my guts.” Nico pointed out making the girl move closer to him.

Their legs touched and it seemed to make him melt into her couch “I broke up with you because this wasn’t right for me anymore, not because I hated you.” Sydney confessed needing him to know hear her “you were always too good to me Syd.” Nico sighed bringing his hand up to cup her cheek.

She was proud that she hadn’t started to cry as she realized how much she missed moments like this with him “nice to know you think that.” The girl smiled as she watched his eyes dart to her lips “y’know I’m proud of us for reaching our dreams.” Nico announced dropping his hand as he moved away from her side.

Sydney missed his touch as she nodded “think you being captain is a bit more impressive than a physio.” Her words made him send her a glare “without you we’d be a dead team walking.” Nico was quick to quip back “like Jack would have killed Luke and you know the boys love you.” It had been barely a month since she joined the team and it was clear that for many she was like a sister that they never had.

It made her blush as she hurried her head in her hands quietly shaking her head “they like me?” She let her lips formed an o as she smiled “they like me!” It had her kicking her feet “the more you say it the more I regret it!” He matched her tone causing her lips to shoot into a line.

It was sent with this glare “on that note I’m going to get another drink.” Nico smiled getting up as he sent to the kitchen “you know I’m glad you came back to Jersey.” He confessed looking into her fridge as he had put his juice into it.

The other side of the room was silent “it’s good seeing you out of that awful shade of blue.” A laugh left his lips as he played harder against the two Florida teams as Nina let it slip that it was where Sydney relocated to “and I really do know I was a fool for not running after you.” He rambled on cracking open the bottle.

He was confused not getting any response “I was stupid for not doing that and I know I should-” the hockey captain laughed as he cut himself off seeing Sydney fast asleep on the couch.

It was sweet and comforting as she was out cold already too far gone to be woken up from sudden noises “you’ve never stopped being so beautiful.” Nico sighed placing his glass on the table “happy birthday Syd.” He pulled her blanket over her tucking her in.

Soft huffs left her lips as she nuzzled her head into the pillow behind her “goodnight.” The captain picked up her plate heading to clean up for her.

Snow fell on the roads outside as Sydney was busy in the kitchen “Syd come get the door!” Her mom called out turning the Christmas music down “ma I gotta make sure that my cookies are right!” The physio complained wipe the flour on her apron.

The girl was irritated as she walked through the house avoiding the areas of her scattered younger cousins who ran through the first floor “you came!” Sydney’s brother let out a giggle turning to see when his sister would come to him “Syd, Nico is here!” Kyle squealed not noticing as his sisters eyes went wide.

Sydney felt embarrassed as she was covered in flour and a definite bit of chocolate “I know.” She nodded hearing the gasps from her uncles as they realised that the Devils captain was stood in the living room “merry Christmas Syd.” Nico smiled sending her a wave “your dad said I could come.” He explained pointing to her father who did nothing more than nod willingly as he took full blame for the matter.

As her family began to move closer to him with many never having had met him before Nico found himself getting overwhelmed sending Sydney a hopeful look that she’d come and save him “alright alright people hands off my captain.” The physio groaned pushing through as she wrapped her hand around the Swiss man’s “I need my sue chef for the rest of my cookies.” She lied ignoring the complaints from the older members of her family who couldn’t help but sigh at the news.

Nico smiled seeing the chaos that was the kitchen counter “you don’t mind that I’m here?” He asked pulling the coat from his shoulders “Nico you deserve to spend Christmas with people who love you.” Sydney began placing the cookies into the oven as she set her timer.

The boy found a comfortable place in the corner of her kitchen “but if you can’t spend the day with your family I’ll happily let you spend it with mine.” Since she was a kid the house was always full on holidays and that’s what she had grown used to “you really mean that?” To say he was touched was an understatement.

She nodded watching him go to hug her “I’m gonna get flour all over ya.” Sydney went to stop him but instead it only made him hug her tighter “I’ll let you make a mess out of me any day Syd.” Nico confessed as he kissed her head, if only she knew she already made him feel like that each day.

January came and went and now the team was celebrating a flurry of wins with a family skate session “doc where are your skates?” Luke quizzed the girl as he crossed his arms “they are in the corner.” Sydney pointed to the side.

The boy furrowed his brows as the girl grinned “and why aren’t they on your feet?” He spoke in a duh tone “because this is time for you guys to skate with your families.” Sydney shot back like it was the most obvious thing in this world “you are family so get those on before I push you onto the ice.” the duo had formed this brother sister bond that had them questioning why they only just met.

Nico watched the interaction from afar “you better get her on the ice before I do.” Nina warned as she skated to her brothers side “don’t want to make her uncomfortable.” He confessed watching as she ruffled her hand through the younger Hughes boys hair.

Nina sighed squeezing his hand “if you don’t I’ll tell her about how you slept talk about her for a month after she dumped you.” The girl warned with a smirk on her face “you wouldn’t.” The Hischier siblings each faced off in front of each other.

But their moment was cut short when Luke cleared his throat “Nina she said she’s not skating if you don’t come skate with her.” The Hughes boy sighed not knowing how he ended up in the position of biding the girls battles.

It made her laugh “I’m coming baby!” Nina called out seeing the girl waving at her.

It made Nico smile as he realised that the duo were still just as close as they used to be “who would have thought you’d be putting up a fight with your sister for doc.” Dawson teased seeing the girls embrace each other “you want take extra laps?” Nicos offer left the boy silent as he shook his head letting the captain watch the sight.

The crowd that the prudential center was ecstatic after the boys won their final game of the season “doc we did it!” Jack cheered seeing the girl smile as she high-fived him “so you gonna come with us tonight?” He asked seeing the crowd of his teammates funnel into the locker room.

She grew confused as she furrowed her eyebrows “come with you?” She trailed off hoping the boy would fill in the gaps “we are going to celebrate and you’re coming with!” Luke chuckled as he sent her a grin “you better come with Syd.” Nico pleaded letting out a groan as he could see she wasn’t sure.

The quick desperate looks that the boys sent her were enough “just spend me the address and I’ll be there okay!” She pinched the bridge of her nose as she heard them all cheer.

Sydney looked good in her red dress and that’s what left Nico practically attached to her hip “neeks if you don’t leave we’re both not getting any action tonight.” The physio warned as every guy that thought about looking her way was instantly turned off by the idea of the Swiss man next to her.

Nico forced a laugh as he sipped his beer “who says that I really want to go home with some stranger anyways?” He shot back making her smirk “the captain decide he’s too good for a reward now?” She teased stirring her straw in her drink.

He did everything he could to not get angry that she failed to note his flirtatious acknowledgements “only if this girl doesn’t come and give it to me.” The captain nudged his shoulder with hers “so blonde with the big tits still has a shot?” Sydney laughed seeing that a girl that had been trying her luck all night with the boy was still there waiting for him.

It made Nico cringe at the memory of how her fake nails practically dug into the skin of his arm “don’t remember you referring to yourself as big tits.” The joke have time to land before Sydney brought her hand to hit him “I’m kidding!” Nico groaned having to massage the area of his now sore arm.

She sent him an unimpressed look that only made him smile in response as he held back a laugh “have to admit that it was pretty fucking funny.” His voice was soft as he tried to re break the ice “shut up.” Sydney rolled her eyes as she turned her head now noticing that their faces were millimetres away from each other.

Nico was the first to move but instead of moving away, he hooked his fingers under her jaw and pulled Sydney closer. His lips were rough against hers and if it wasn’t for Willow yelling in her mind Sydney would have melted into his touch. Yet that wasn’t the case as she pulled away “Nico.” Their foreheads touched like they were struggling to breathe.

The boy was embarrassed as he had been rejected “I should go.” Sydney announced as she looked to her watch. Tonight she was grateful for the fact that she wasn’t wearing heels as it meant she could slip away from the scene.

Still running wasn’t something that Sydney enjoyed. But somehow here she was avoiding her feelings. It was surprisingly tougher than the girl thought to avoid Nico as he was everywhere. Shortly after that night in the bar the team ended up on a roadtrip to play their wild card game, and Nico was in the seat next to her.

Luckily for them both they ended up asleep and were forced to talk. Then the countless awkward elevator rides came where somehow not a single person on the team could be in the same lift as them. Still neither one of them broke, it was this battle of stubbornness that seemed destined to go on forever “Hischier is down!” The announcer called out as the coaching staff looked to Sydney as her eyes went wide.

In that moment she no longer cared about the fact that she had rejected him. The awkwardness they both felt seemed to dissipate as she slid onto her knees in front of him “what hurts Nico?” She asked seeing him clutch different parts of his body “my knee.” Nico frowned locking eyes with her as it made the girl sigh.

The physio didn’t hesitate to do the right thing “I need to check you out in the room.” The team was already three down in the third and Sydney came to the conclusion that with injuries she was going to make the boys cut their losses with less than five minutes on the clock.

He went to argue as the boys helped him up “need to check you out Neeks to make sure you’re okay.” Her voice was soft fearing the worst as he didn’t put any weight on his leg “I’m fine he spat shaking his head as he almost couldn’t believe that she’d take him out of a game this big.

It was funny how Sydney taking him out early ended up being the reason why Nico wasn’t walking into the end of season gala with some kind of brace around his knee. The team were happy together and as the happy couples within it finally got the chance to celebrate how far their partners came over the long season, it felt incomplete.

Sure Nico would have wanted a HABs the cup to complete it. But it was actually when he searched for Sydney that he realised something was off, she was gone “you seen Syd?” Nico asked Nate wondering if the girl was hiding in a corner beating Luke at the days wordle that he always struggled to get.

But instead Nate motioned out to the terrace that was attached to the venue “said she wanted to get some air a couple of minutes ago!” Nate called out over the music as he shrugged. Nico patted his teammate on the back to thank him before he went straight for the door.

If he hadn’t looked hard enough he would have missed her but there stood Sydney in the corner as she let her black dress blend into the night “there you are Syd.” He was quick to regret placing his hand on the skin of her back realising how cold she was “you’re practically frozen.” Nico pointed out removing his suit jacket.

Sydney smiled feeling the thick material wrap around her shoulders “what are you doing out here?” The captain asked as he cocked his head “just been doing some thinking.” The physio confessed as she shrugged.

Nico nodded hoping to hear more from her but decided against pushing for it. But as he stood there and her lips remained shut the boy lost hope and went to leave her “I don’t want to just be your physio Nico.” Sydney blurted out feeling her throat go dry as the nerves hit her.

It made his feet stick to the spot where he stood “I thought I did a good job letting the boys get you too.” Nico pointed out as she sighed.

She knew telling him was a stupid idea that would only end up hurting her “I keep on trying to remember all of the reasons why we didn’t work.” His face dropped as her eyes went shut “but it only works for like a minute until I see that you’ve grown into this great guy who deserves the world.” It made Nico smile knowing that Sydney felt that way.

The girl tucked her hair behind her ear “but you’re going to Switzerland and I’m meant to be in France.” Willow had indeed convinced Sydney to take that girls trip that they so clearly deserved “and you need to be able to be free back there.” Nina hadn’t withheld any information from the physio so she now knew about all the girls that wanted him both in his home and hers.

Nico took a step back closer to her “why turn me down in the bar?” He asked still thinking back to the moment where she ran away from him “I was scared it was going to be a one time thing.” With that Nico had his hands on her waist spinning her so that she could look at him.

His eyes pierced hers “I’ve been ready to go six stages in with ya since I was so boring you feel asleep on your birthday.” Nico teased her and was only met with a scoff “I had a long day okay!” Nico began to sway her back and forth as they listened to the music that traveled from inside.

The boy rested his head against hers as they both swore they could be there forever “I want to be yours forever.” Sydney confessed making him smile “I am yours forever.” He mumbled leaning down to peck her lips.

Not to be dramatic but the sound of fireworks went off and Nico swore the world understood him, or at least that was until he looked up to the sky to see fireworks going off. They made him smile as he heard Sydney squeal in delight.

So there the duo stood arms wrapped around each other with the inevitable spending the night between the sheets with tangled legs looming over their heads. All the moment needed to be perfect was one final touch “Nico you wanna go on a date tonight?” Sydney smiled as she already had an idea forming in her mind.

Nico nodded as he thought about the perfect place to go “why don’t we go get pizza?” Most people would have cringed at that idea whilst they were dressed in the high clothing that they were “like right now?” Sydney wasn’t used to the side of Nico that was ready to pull her down the stares and out to something impulsive.

He nodded pressing the open button on the elevator “ain’t no time like the present baby.” Nico announced letting the doors slide shut before he let his lips lace with Sydney’s. The world went on but I’m hat moment for them it all stopped allowing the duo to enjoy their present.

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Back to black

John Egan X Pilot! Reader

Summary: The relationship of Y/n and Bucky when they're both at their lowest.

Warning: Toxic relationship/ manipulation/ cheating/ mention of sex/ swearing/ use of Y/n/ abuse of alcohol/

Word count: 1.2k

He left no time to regret

Kept his dick wet

With his same old safe bet

Me and my head high

And my tears dry

Get on without my guy.

Their relationship was toxic, they would fight and make-up all the time. Their arguments would always end up with them being naked in the bed. She was a female pilot; he was a pilot too. They were on the same base, so they always saw each other. Some of the other pilots grew tired of them always fighting, but no matter what happened, they’d still be in love with the other, they were addicted to the thrill and the highs and lows of their relationship. It distracted them from the horror they saw all the time, the sex was an occasion to let everything out, it was often raw and real, they tried to get a grip on reality. But when he drank, he could be really mean. Y/n tried to get out of the situation, but she was like a drug addict, always needing more. So, she would cry in her room, her tears represented all the things she couldn’t have with him; a walk in a park, slow dancing together, going on dates and having deep conversations with him. She had to face the fact that the relationship she was in wasn’t the one her mother described, it was the one her father warned her about.

You went back to what you knew

So far removed

From all that we went through

And I tread a troubled track

My odds are stacked

I'll go back to black.

‘’What do you mean you’re going to London?’’ she asked as she looked at him packing his bags. ‘’I need a break from all this, I need to drink, to get out of here!’’ he said, putting his shirt in his bag. He was going to drink in London, getting back to his old coping habit, or he was going to find another woman to have sex with, his ladies-men reputation was well known by the woman. ‘’Right, cause running away is easier than stay and talk about your feelings’’ she chuckled, but it was filled with anger in her voice. He clenched his jaw as she gritted her teeth. There it was, the anger building up in her stomach, she wanted to punch the wall, choke him and hit him, but she contained herself, like always. ‘’I’m going to London, so whatever you say, won’t change my mind’’ he mumbled, with hint of frustration in his voice. Talking to him was useless, he was going to get drunk, probably going to cheat on her, come back with flowers and do it all again. She felt her throat squeeze, she didn’t want to cry in front of him. ‘’Why did I come here, anyway.’’ She whispered. Bucky looked up at her. ‘’Have fun in London, you know where to find me when you come back. Or I’ll probably be rotting in a potato field in Germany, enjoy your weekend, John’’ she said as she slammed his door. The idea of her being dead didn’t sit well in his mind, but he needed to get out of here, he was starting to lose his mind.

We only said goodbye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to

I go back to us.

She coiled up against her door, crying again. They had a fight, she looked at the letter in her hands. A woman named Lexie wrote to him; saying how much she enjoyed the night they spent together in London, and it went on with details of their steamy night. He cheated on her many times before, but it was never confirmed, now, to hold a letter, she felt like her heart was shattering with each word she read. Tears fell on the paper as she continued to read it. Bucky could hear her cry when he entered the building, since she was a woman on a base filled with men, her and the other woman had a private building. He knew that she was crying because of him. She thought she was dying, her heart was painful, each breath she took was hurting her lungs, her head was pounding from all the crying. It wasn’t the first time she ‘died’ it happened multiple times before. When he knocked at her door, he didn’t expect her to open it that fast. ‘’What the fuck do you want?’’ she tried to yell, but her voice cracked, showing all the pain she was in. ‘’Darling, I’m truly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I feel so fucking bad right now, please let me in’’ he pleaded. She didn’t have any energy to fight with him, she let him inside her room, he closed the door, slowly, as he looked at her. She looked so tired, in pain and hurt. ‘’I know you won’t forgive me, and I’ve said it before, but this time, I promise you that I truly fucking mean it, she meant nothing. It’s really hard for me to talk about my feelings, I was about to go crazy, the second I kissed her I regretted it. Y/n, please look at me’’ she didn’t want to hear him, but he sounded so sincere. ‘’How do I know this time is different?’’ she whispered. ‘’I don’t know what to tell you, but I swear on everything I have, I’m going to change, no more messing around, I love you, and I can’t keep hurting you.’’ His eyes filled with tears. ‘’Y/n, I love you and I’m begging you, please you have to believe me, you can ask Buck, I’ve thrown away all my alcohol, and I – ‘’ Y/n cut him off, placing her hands on his. ‘’Just shut up and kiss me’’ she said, her voice filled with pain, again. Bucky kissed her, putting his both hands on her cheek. He tenderly kissed her lips. ‘’I love you so much’’ he praised between kisses.

She didn’t know if that promise was true, but she was going to take whatever he was willing to give, because they needed each other, one couldn’t live without the other. The adrenaline, the love; they craved each other. So whatever he gave her, she was going to take it, or she was going back to black…

[starhvney]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: mcd laurance x reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: the very thing that he wishes to protect is the same thing that causes him torment.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: angst, reverse comfort, love confession, lots of self loathing from laurance, violence, i love elaborating on how terrifying shadow knights are

𝐂𝐖: mentions of violence and gore, he is in fact going crazy, he almost kills you whoops

𝐀/𝐍: that boy is a monsterrrr mo mo mo monster that boy is a monsterrrr (me after writing more mcd laurance angst instead of finishing my requests)

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

the constant traveling your group has had to endure has been difficult on everyone, but lately it seems as if laurance has been even more on edge, barely hanging on to his temper by a thin thread. he's usually reliable for being calm and collected when tensions are high, yet somehow it seemed like any little thing or comment sent your way was some sort of veiled threat. it wasn’t a mystery why he was acting this way, with the calling tormenting his thoughts and chipping away at his sanity.

you'd hoped to coax him into talking about some things that had been on his mind, and possibly calm the build-up of stress that he seemed to constantly carry on his shoulders. however, the walk through the woods went from anything from tranquil, the thread holding him together snapping when bandits had decided to ambush the two of you. you wanted to stop him, to calm him down. but when the meadow was covered in blood and that same shade of hellish red turned to you in the form of fury-filled eyes, you found yourself frozen in terror.

weapon still in hand, laurance stalks towards you with his sword raised, only seeming to gain back a piece of awareness when a frightened sob leaves your lips. he stumbles back, horror in his eyes as he looks down at you, nothing but pure self-loathing on his face when he sees the pure fear in your eyes.

your breath shudders and you quickly gulp back the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. you knew that if you didn’t speak now he’d distance himself from you, closing himself away for the sake of your safety. “…laurance?”

he falters at his name being said, snapping out of his own thoughts as he stares down at you. his lips curl in an unmistakable expression of mental anguish.. "…you're…you're scared of me. you're scared of me."

the tone of his voice was something you'd never seen him have before. self-hatred, horror, and the sheer amount of pain in his tone was nearly overwhelming. you find yourself in one of the few moments where you've ever seen laurance nearly speechless.

shakily you stand up to your feet, clearly trying to deny his claims. your silent attempt was not very convincing, though, with the trembling of your body and your eyes blown wide. blood from the practical slaughter of the men had splattered onto you, smearing on your skin and soaking into your clothes.

“no…” you breathe, shaking your head as you gulp, taking a shaky step closer to him. “i’m not. i'm not.”

“yes. you are. you should be. i’m a monster, and you should not be getting closer.” he practically snarls out the words, though the look in his eyes was desperate.

“no, you’re not.” you quickly say. there’s a pause as you take another shaky breath, staying in place. “they were going to kill you and me—if not something worse—if you hadn’t done something.”

a flash of anger resurfaces and flickers across his face at the slightest suggestion of that outcome—of you ending up hurt.

“that doesn’t change the fact that i’m a shadow knight.” his voice is nearly a hiss, his sword shaking loosely by his side. “it doesn’t change the fact…that i almost hurt you.”

you take another small step closer to him, chest heaving unevenly as your mind raced. he was right. he did lose his grip on reality and almost eliminated you in his crossfire. what were you supposed to say to that? what could you say to that?

“you may be different, now… but you’re still laurance. my laurance. even after all this time, that will never change.” you whisper.

he’s visibly trembling, jaw clenching and breaths short as he stares at you. he almost stumbles when you take another step forward, eyes squeezing shut as a shuddering breath leaves his lips. 

“don’t. don’t come any closer, please, i may lose control again.” he pleads, voice a hoarse whisper. 

“no, you won’t. i know you won’t.” you say, voice still hushed and soft, and the trembling in your tone still there. “…sheathe your sword, laurance.”

slowly, he sheathes his sword, the loud noise of it sliding into its case sounding loud against the silence of the forest. yes, you realize, any animal or insect nearby has stopped its chatter, sensing the danger of laurance’s presence and likely fleeing in terror. any living being should, if following their instincts.

slowly you close the distance between the two of you, relying on his closed eyes and concentration on self-control to keep him from backing away from you again. he’s usually so observant, so alert. the fact that he wasn’t even reacting to your approach was telling in itself. 

you know the risk of approaching him now. how dangerous it is. in order for him to succumb to the calling all he’d have to do is lose control and kill the person most precious to him, and here you were serving yourself on a silver platter.

“you’re here. with me. you’re not going to hurt me.” you’re just inches from him now. raising up on your tiptoes, you wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into an embrace.

the moment your arms wrap around him, a shuddering sob leaves his lips, his arms flinching to hold you back yet hesitating as if to push you away. his brain is in a constant state of internal conflict, one part of him screaming at him to shove you away for your safety and the other part begging to hold you closer.

the possessive part wins.

unnaturally hot armor presses against your ribs as he pulls you up into his arms, his face burying into your neck. shuddering breaths brush across your skin, heated against your collarbone while you watch the flickers of embers leave his armor. 

“you didn’t hurt me. i’m fine.” you murmur near his ear, reaching your hands up to run through the hair near the nape of his neck.

your fingertips meet the sensation of thick warm blood, and for a moment you’re frightened it’s his before you realize it must just be from one of the bandits he’d torn through.

laurance’s breathing stutters again when your fingers soothingly scratch against his scalp. he slowly drops to his knees, bringing you down to the ground with him and cradling you to him.

“i could’ve hurt you. had i been a little later, had i lost a little more control…” his voice is nothing but a strangled whisper.

the thought alone nearly sends him spiraling into a panic, arms almost squeezing you uncomfortably tight against the firm metal of his armor.

“no, don’t think about that,” you say, gulping as you let him mold you against him how he needed. “you’re fighting something bigger than you, than both of us. you… you just…”

you trail off.

it’s true. if he hadn’t regained control just a moment later, you’d likely not just be hurt—but dead—and laurance would’ve completely transformed into a shadow knight.

“that’s the problem.” he hisses out through his teeth, the horror in his tone replaced with frustration and hands trembling against you. “i’ve barely been holding on by a thread, one wrong word or comment, and i could lose control. and i could lose you. because of me. what about the next time this happens, huh? when i can’t control myself anymore?”

you’re stunned into silence, mouth opening to speak but no words coming out. “i…”

hands clench against your shoulders as he lifts his face back up, his irises a duller shade of red as he stares down at you. the look in them was silently begging for you to say anything, anything to distract him from the monster he felt himself deteriorating to.

“i could kill you, and you’re defending me. why do you defend me?”

tears fill your eyes as you stare up at him, breath hitching as you reach up to brush your hand against his cheek. “because i love you.”

a quiet groan leaves his lips, eyes squeezing shut and his face tilting to rest his forehead on yours. 

“i’ve dreamed of you saying those words to me.” he murmurs, voice thick and full of emotion. “but it was never supposed to be like this. i’ve wanted you so long, and now i can’t have you.”

“you can.” you quickly say, eyebrows twisting up and chest constricting in pain. all this time he’s waited for you to reciprocate his feelings and now he can’t act upon them, with this horrid overpowering urge to harm what he wants most in his head.

a ragged breath leaves his lips, the sound a bitter, frustrated noise. 

“no, i can’t.” he sounds like he’s forcing his voice to be harsh, the tone gruff yet trembling in pain. “i want you. i want you so badly, it’s eating me alive. but i can’t have you, not with the calling.”

your lips tremble and tears finally spill over the lids of your eyes. a moment later you’re leaning up and kissing him, hand cupping his cheek and the other over his chest.

the sudden action pulls a strangled sound from his lips, his whole body tensing and freezing in place. for a moment he stays that way, not even breathing before he breaks all at once.

he makes the most pathetic noise against your lips, wrapping his arms around your waist and yanking you flush against him. the way he kisses you back is desperate, his lips trembling and hands attempting to pull you impossibly closer to him.

you could feel his internal struggle with every tremble of his muscles against you. it was like he was begging you to stay while screaming for you to run away from him while you still could. having you here in his arms now, after all this time, felt like both the highest blessing he could receive and the worst curse sent to torture him for eternity.

“i love you.” you breathe against him, barely able to get the words out in the times you part before his lips crash down against yours again.

“don’t.” he mutters against your lips, his next sentence barely a gasp against your lips. “you’re going to drive me mad, saying those words. you should hate me. you should leave me.”

his body continues to contradict his words as his hands squeeze against you. he knows he needs to let you go, but he’s starving for the feel of your body against his. he knows he needs to push you away. but the selfish… the possessive part of him wants to mold you to his body and to keep you there.

“i love you,” you repeat, fingers digging into… not into firm, unyielding armor, but soft shoulders through the fabric of the linen shirt he was wearing before.

you can’t bring yourself to pull away, too caught up in the feeling of his lips against yours to confirm that he’d transformed back into his human form. but you know. he feels closer, like you’d stepped back into your home and smelled the familiar scent of your belongings after a long and tiring journey. 

drinking in each shuddering breath and soft murmur from your lips, he’s pulling you in like you were his first drop of water after wandering through the desert for years. finally, you pull back, regaining the air in your lungs as you look up into his eyes.

and there he is again.

the hellish flicks of firey ashes no longer surround him, and the red veins that showed through his sickly skin have receded, leaving the familiar olive tone of his skin under your fingertips. no longer are his irises an unsettling bloodthirsty red, but back to the cool grayish blues. for a moment, you think you even see a flicker of the green that resided there all that time ago, but then it’s gone once again in the next second.

“…you just need to remember who you are. to ground yourself.”

his eyes squeeze shut at your words, still struggling to catch his breath as he attempts to gather himself, leaning forward into your hands that cup his cheeks.

“…i feel like i’m slipping away more and more.” he whispers out suddenly, voice breaking slightly. “it’s like i can feel it eating at me. i don’t want to lose myself.”

“i won’t let you.” you quickly murmur back, thumbs brushing under his eyes. “you’ll still be you, and i’ll still be me. no matter how much time passes.”

laurance can feel himself leaning further into your touch, desperate for the comfort of it. when he looks down at you again, his eyes look so… incredibly exhausted, dark circles lining underneath them.

you glance back towards the bodies of the bandits around you. there was so much more that needed to be said. to be discussed. but you know the energy to say anything was lost between the both of you.

“let’s go back and rest for now. okay?” you whisper, eyes trained on a splatter of blood against the grass, before looking back up to him.

laurance tenses, following your gaze to the bodies surrounding you. he looks horrified, lips pursing in disgust at the amount of bloodshed and gore he’d left behind. it was easy to forget while in that state, but now, looking back at the lives he so easily extinguished, he feels nauseous.

before he could spiral again you turn his face back towards you, brushing your fingers across his skin. he tears his gaze away from the death surrounding you, hesitating for half a second, before slowly nodding.

“…okay.”

©starhvney, 2024. please do not steal or repost my works as your own.

taglist: @wasting-away-on-the-internet, @bakugocanstompme 

[starkeyscvmsock]

Wrong window - Rafe Cameron

About: When you sneak into Tannyhill, hoping to enter through the grounded Sarah’s room, you accidentally sneak into the very, very wrong room.

MDNI, 18+!

"You've got to be fucking kidding me".

Once both of my feet were in through the window and planted firmly on the carpet, I looked up to see a face I was not expecting to see in a room I was not expecting to be in. The thing is, I had only ever visited Sarah Cameron through the front door, so clearly I had made a slight miscalculation on the layout of the house and snuck through the window of the wrong, very very wrong, room.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Rafe snarled as he jumped up from his bed, a disgusted look on his face at the sight of me. I racked my brain for an excuse, a lie, anything; but spending too much time with JJ had caused me to lose too many brain cells over time and I came up with nothing. So instead, I decided to go with the plain and simple truth.

"I'm here to see Sarah, I thought this was her window" I straightened my back and raised my shoulders, trying to show the man before me that I wasn't afraid of him when, in reality, I had never been alone with him and I knew very well what he was capable of; Pope's black eye could attest to how much I hated Rafe Cameron.

"Oh yeah?" Rafe said as he inched towards me, the sole reason I didn't mirror his steps and move back was because the window pane was already digging into my back. I couldn't go any further. "Yes really, so get out of my way and let me go" I spat as I tried my hardest to use the element of surprise and barge past him as quick as I could, but I was only one step away from him before I felt his large hand engulf my wrist.

"Not so fast" he chuckled, his dimple appearing on his cheek that I had forgotten was even there. "Sarah's on lockdown. Not allowed to leave the house, not allowed to see anyone and most certainly not allowed to even breathe the same air as you pogues" his cocky smirk soon turned to a scowl at the mention of a pogue.

"But you already knew that. Didn't you? Or I'm sure that you'd know our doorbell works just fine" with each word said, a step was taken until I was backed into the wall and Rafe was inches away from my face, his blue eyes almost seeming to shimmer at this proximity.

The grip on my wrist had tightened, Rafe's gold ring digging into my flesh, sure to leave a mark. I tried to pull my hand away but he only tightened his hold. "Fine" I spat, growing angrier as the pain in my wrist increased. "I knew that I wasn't allowed to come. Happy? Now get your grubby paw off me and let me go!".

Rafe only stared down at me, his breathing shallow and a look of resignation in his eyes. An emotion I had never seen on any Cameron's face before. "What?" I spat, trying to pull my wrist free again; this time his grip loosened, causing the pain to ease but his hand still stayed wrapped around my wrist.

"You're real pretty when you're angry, you know that?" he whispered, his free hand coming up to my face and moving a stray curl that had fallen onto my face during my struggle behind my ear. Was this really Rafe Cameron I was looking at right now? The cold, egotistical kook king that beat Pope with a golf stick and constantly harassed me and my friends? He was calling me... pretty?

My heart beat began to pick up and I could feel my face growing warmer as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "You can't deny it, can you?" He smirked. "What?" I whispered, fearing that if I spoke louder I would remind us both that he was him and I was me, and he was currently holding the side of my face as he pressed me up against his bedroom wall.

"This. I know you feel it too. The spark, the tension. You know it'd be good" his gaze roamed my face, dropping to my heaving breasts for a second so short I was sure I imagined it before returning to my eyes. "What would be?" I asked softly, my free hand playing with the hem of my shorts, a habit I had realised I did when I was nervous. Rafe Cameron had made me feel many things before but nervous wasn't one of them.

Rafe's smirk grew before the hand that was holding the side of my face lowered to the back of my neck as he pulled my closer to him, his lips now by my ear and the hand on my wrist now rubbing it softly. "If I fucked you into a pretty little mess".

My breath hitched at his words, a warm flutter erupting low in my belly at his deep voice and warm breath coasting over my ear and side of my neck. "Rafe" I breathed out, not knowing what more to say. "Hmm" he said absently as he drew back, his eyes dropping to my lips and his thumb going to the bottom lip.

As though my brain wasn't working, my lips slowly parted, before Rafe slowly, oh so slowly made it's way inch by inch into my warm mouth before it was fully in, resting on my wet tongue. His lips parted as he let out a low breath; his eyes had now grown a darker shade and the heat in them is what caused me to close my lips around his thumb before slowly swirling my tongue around it, all while looking into his eyes that spoke words his brain was too scrambled to verbalise.

"Fuck" he bit out before yanking his thumb from my mouth and replacing it with his tongue as he attacked my mouth with his own. I blamed the fact that my mouth opened for him and one of my hands made it's way into the back of his hair while the other clutched the bottom of his grey North face jumper on the initial shock of his mouth on mine.

His lips were surprisingly sweet and so, so soft. His hips shifted, aligning them with the bottom of my stomach and my mind whirled as I felt the hard, tented evidence that I wasn't the only one feeling the affect of our dirty kiss. "Rafe" I gasped as he bought his face to my neck, licking and biting at the spot below my ear that caused a spark to shoot low in my belly, travelling straight to my core that was starting to throb more and more.

I was shocked at myself for the emptiness I felt when Rafe pulled his face away from my neck; one of his hands yanking my hair back in a closed fist while the other dropped to my ass, clutching it as if it was his life line. Who knew Rafe Cameron was an ass man. His nose rubbed against mine as we both panted heavily, his gaze resting on my lips.

"Tell me you want this. You want this don't you baby? You need it, I can see it in those pretty eyes of yours" he breathed out as he rolled his hips into mine, causing my eyes to flutter closed at the feeling of him rubbing against my clothed core.

I nodded quickly, trying to pull him to my mouth again by his jumper but he pulled back, his grip tightening in my hair until it was painful. I ignored the fact that the pain shot to my core, increasing the throbbing there. "Give me your words, I know you've got plenty of them" he chuckled deeply. "Yes. Yes Rafe, now please. Just please" I hated the begging in my voice but if he didn't touch me where I needed him soon I would go crazy.

"Please what?". I huffed out an angry breath at his words, why was he still talking? "Please fuck me Rafe" I breathed out. My words bought out the beast in him, as soon as they had fallen from my lips he lifted my legs around his waist and smashed his lips back onto mine.

Our kiss was messy and dirty, our tongues sweeping against each other, his teeth biting into the flesh of my lip every now and then before he would bite down hard, earning a small moan to fall from me. These sounds would only spur him on, his hips rolling torturously against mine as he held me against the wall before finally he had enough of feeling me with barriers between us.

Rafe's warm hand made it's way beneath my top, leaving goosebumps in it's wake before he gripped my breast hard and unforgiving. My breasts weren't large but I had never been so happy with that fact as it fit into his hand perfectly. He gripped the whole thing before focusing on my nipple, tugging the bud until it was hard and aching. I thanked any higher powers that existed that I had chosen not to wear a bra today.

"I wanna take this off, let me take it off baby. You want it off don't you? I need it off" Rafe spoke into my neck as he licked and sucked on it while tugging at the hem of my top. I lifted my arms as an invitation, afraid that if I was to speak it would be a load of gibberish; I was aware that Rafe Cameron's mouth on me had made me a simple being. Rafe breathed a sigh of relief as he ripped my shirt from my body, the sudden cold of the room causing my nipples to harden even more which I didn't think was possible.

"And these, they need to come off. I wanna touch you. Need to touch you, you want me to touch you right, baby? I'll make you feel real good" I suppose I had made him a simple being too as he rambled into my neck while playing with the button off my shorts. I nodded rapidly, that was all the signal he needed to pop the button open while I yanked the zipper down, both working together to rid me off my shorts, leaving me only in my thong.

"God, look at you. So perfect. So pretty" Rafe whispered to himself as he lifted his face from my neck only long enough for his eyes to rover over my body, switching from each breast before settling on the spot between my legs. I could feel that I had soaked through my panties, probably leaving a wet mark.

Rafe had stayed true to his word, he had made me a pretty little mess and he wasn't even inside me yet.

Rafe's lifted two fingers in front of my mouth, I parted my lips and welcomed them into my mouth as I slathered them up with my spit, his face strained as he watched with furrowed eyebrows and gritted teeth. Then, he took them out of my mouth with a pop and trailed them so, so slowly down my torso, between my breasts and down my stomach.

He left a trail of my spit as his fingers went lower and lower; it dried almost instantly, leaving a cold feeling on the strip of cold spit going downwards. Rafe's hand that was clutching my ass to help hold me around his waist tightened, his body going stiff and his gaze dropping to the action as his hands finally pulled my panties to the side.

I flushed with embarrassment and Rafe let out a low curse as we both watched my slick wetness leave a string from my pussy to the thong that he was slowly pulling to the side; I looked up at him as he watched, seeming as if he was in a trance.

Finally, he left the strip of my thong at the side near my hip and ran his two spit covered fingers along my soaking folds. "Shit" I breathed out as I clutched at the hair on the back of his head, my other hand reaching to my breast and tweaking my nipples.

"So wet. Soaked. Told you I'd make you feel good didn't I baby? This is all me. I'm making you feel so good. No one else could make you a mess like this. Only me" Rafe punctuated his ramble with his fingers as he plunged them inside me to the hilt, the filthy sound of my wetness punching the air. "Ohh, fuck Rafe. Fuck" I grit out as my eyes clenched shut, my grip on his jumper tightening as my head fell to his shoulder.

Warmth coursed through me as he pumped his finger in and out of me at an agonisingly slow pace, his thumb now rubbing back and forth on my throbbing clit. "Such a mess. Such a pretty mess" Rafe whispered to himself before he lowered his head to my nipple, licking a circle around it before pulling it between his teeth, wringing a gasp from me.

"Stop, Rafe enough" I gasped. I realized what I had said when Rafe pulled away in alarm, his hands leaving my body and his face alert. He made a move to put me down but I clung to him like a koala on  a tree, rushing to alleviate my mistake. "No, Rafe, Not like that. I just, I need you. So bad. I need you in me, inside me" I rushed out as rolled my hips against him. I know he wanted me too. Needed me. I could feel the evidence between his thighs and however ridiculously skilled he was with his fingers, it wasn't enough.

"You're fucking crazy" he chuckled as he turned around before laying me on his large bed, the soft duvet soothing against my hot skin. Rafe's eyes didn't leave mine as he stood before me at the bottom of his bed while he lifted his jumper slowly over his head, revealing inch by inch his beautiful bronzed skin. Once the jumper was off and thrown in the corner, I allowed my gaze to rove over his torso.

His abs glistened with a light sheen of sweat and his chest was flushed, rising up and down as he breathed steadily. My breath hitched in my throat as my gaze dropped to his long fingers, slowly and torturously pulling his belt from the buckles in his jeans, the action slow and controlled as he teased me without even touching me.

My breathing picked up as Rafe rid himself of his jeans and boxers, allowing me to catch a glimpse of his large angry cock before he lowered himself on top of me. "You still hate me?" he smirked as he ran his lips up the side of my neck. "You still classist?" I asked with a teasing smile on my face. It soon dropped as Rafe placed my legs around his hips and slid his hard cock that was dripping with precum through my folds and nudging my clit, wringing a moan from me.

"Always" he smirked as he rolled his hips, taking in my furrowed eyebrows and flushed cheeks. "Then yeah," I panted, "I still hate you". "Good. Because you're really not gonna like me after I fuck you like a slut" my retort to his words cut off as he slammed himself into me with no warning, his length reaching a depth within me I didn't even know could be reached. 

"Rafe" I yelped as I dug my nails into his shoulders, no doubt leaving marks as I tried to find purchase against his brutal thrusts. "Shhh, my dad's office is just down the hall" he whispered. His thrusts slowed down until they came to a halt, leaving me confused as he lifted his head from the crook of my neck to look me in the eyes.

"You don't want the man who murdered your best friend's father to hear how much of a slut you are, do you?" he smirked, his words hit me like a slap to my face as anger coursed through me. I shoved at his shoulders as he chuckled down at me.

"You piece of shit!" I snapped as I untangled myself from him and tried to leave the bed. I didn't get far as Rafe kept me pinned under him, flipping me over onto my stomach and holding my hands behind my back with one of his while the other clutched the back of my neck, pushing the side of my face into his pillows.

"Get off me! I hate you" I seethed as I squirmed beneath him. A gasp escaped my lips as he pushed back inside of me, thrusting slow but hard, causing my eyes to roll to the back of my head at the warmth in the pit of my stomach and the throbbing in my clit.

"You really want me to? You want to feel empty? You want to have to get yourself off when you get home? Want to be left throbbing like a little slut? Why don't you let me take care of you, baby. You know I can, I'll make you feel so good" he groaned as I clenched around him at his words. With guilt and remorse, I answered by thrusting my hips back into him, causing the pace of his thrusts to pick up.

"That's my girl" he chuckled as he thrust into me harder and faster, his panting in my ear turning me on more, making me wetter. "It worked didn't it?" he asked as he lifted my hips up so that I was on my knees with my face in the pillows and him on his knees behind me.

His thrust harder and harder as my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Angry sex is so much better than normal sex" he leant down and whispered in my ear with a smirk on his face. I grew more angry as I realised what he did. "You di-" my words cut off as his hand landed roughly on my ass, leaving a delicious sting in it's wake.

"What was that princess?" I answered with a moan as his hand wrapped around to toy with my clit. He flipped me over again onto my back, his hand coming up to grip me by my throat while the other held my hip in a punishing grip to anchor his punishing thrusts. "That feel good?" he asked.

"Mmm" I mumbled, my eyes closed and bottom lip between my teeth. His thrusts stopped completely and my eyes flung open in alarm. "Look at me while I'm fucking you, you little slut" he snapped as his grip on my throat tightened, causing little white spots to appear in  my vision. "Please" I breathed out. "Please, I'm sorry" my voice came out as a whine due to his grip on my throat.

"Look at you" he smirked as he began thrusting his hips again, even harder than before if that was possible. I gripped at his hair, probably to the point that he was in pain but he didn't seem to care as he looked down to where we were one, watching his cock slip in and out of my soaking folds with each thrust.

"If only your little boyfriends could see how much of a needy little whore you are" he chuckled to himself. "But they won't, will they?" his gaze retuned to mine. I shook my head the best I could with his grip on my throat, not trusting myself to speak. "Only me. You're mine now, my little slut" he grit out. His eyebrows pulled together and his lips parted as he began to pant heavily.

The coil in my stomach was getting tighter and tighter, getting ready to snap, and I know Rafe was close too. "Rafe, I- I think I'm going to-" I couldn't finish my sentence as he gripped my tit and lowered his head to the other, taking it in his mouth.

"God, me too. Come for me, baby. Come on, let go" he said as he landed one particularly brutal thrust, causing me to see not stars but the whole galaxy as I felt his cum leak inside of me, only intensifying my crushing orgasm as I clenched around him, milking him and myself for all that we had.

Rafe lifted his head and looked at me, sweat pooling on his forehead and his hair hanging in front of his beautiful blue eyes as he looked down at me. "We're doing that again, right?" he grinned down at me as he wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye at some point with the pad of his thumb.

I realised one thing as I felt him begin to harden again inside me. Rafe Cameron fucked how he fought; rough, unfair, unforgiving and he always, always got what he wanted.

[darylsfavoritegirl]

hey pookies

Summary: Yall remember that episode where Daryl and Beth stay in this cabin after losing the prison (season 4, ep 12 to be exact) and thet play games like i have never.... and spend such a quality time and it's one of my fav episodes EVER! so it's fem!reader and Daryl but they play truth and dare and sort of open up about their feeling towards eachother because they're again friends with benefits lmao but it gets tense somehow👀😭😭 they find themselves in the midst of an argument etc etc and it goes on

This was requested by @duffmckagansbandana but ive also been fantasizing about this idea forever!! kalp kalbe karsiymis eheheheh

Warnings: Daryl being a dick because he is drunk and kinda slutshames the reader. Daryl grips the reader's wrists and it kinda hurts (?) a little bit of suggestive content. mentions of domestic violence/abuse

You held a glass of moonshine that Daryl found when you entered the wooden cabin. You were observing him securing the cabin incase something would occur.

"Looks secured enough to me." You mumbled spiritlessly. You took a sip of your moonshine as Daryl turned to you with a weary gaze.

"Ya really think dis the best time to get hammered?" He uttered in an evident blaséd tone. You ignored his question as he went back to securing the walls, windows. You wanted him to join you, drink booze with you, speak with you. The glass in your hand got warm before you could even consider to drink one more.

You observed his biceps flexing as he was fixing a hole on the wall. He was finally done. He turned to you, took a deep breath. You could see the sweat droplets on his forehead. His sleeveles black tshirt had damp spots around the neckline.

"You went the extra mile there." You said, failing to hide the waggish smirk bearing your face. He didn't respond to your statement but you saw the curls of his lips going upward.

He sat across you on the floor. His eyes were glossy, faint. You smiled softly as you poured him some moonshine. He gaped at you, anticipating you to stop. It was moonshine after all, God knows how long it had been sitting in this junk.

"Hey slow down." He uttered thinking you were gonna gulp down it yourself.

You saw his eyes following your motions when you passed the glass of moonshine to him.

"What? It's for you."

He didn't look at the glass once, his eyes were fixated on you

"Someone's got to keep watch." He spoke

You rolled your eyes in a cheeky way.

"No harm in drinking one glass."

"Go on." you added. Your eyes were pointing the dusty glass that was infront of him.

He gave in. He put the glass near his nostrils, sniffing the drink before taking a sip.

"That's a real drink right there." You said in a jolly tone.

" 's warm." He grumbled. He enjoyed drinking with you. The way you looked so content only made him cheer inside.

"Meh tha's a drawback." You said. You were popeyed. He couldn't deduce the basis of your zeal, yet he didn't question it furtherly.

You two spent a few minutes there, studying the cabin, studying each other when you decided to come up with something.

"You up for playing truth or dare?" You said in a hush that only left Daryl with a confounded face.

"What? Like kids?" He tittered lightly.

"You got a better idea?" You said with a significance of rebelliousness in your voice. You glared at him, waiting for a response.

"I'm worried about the others too but we can't spend this time just stressing one another." You muttered, avoiding an eye contact with him as you looked down at your drink and tapped the glass with your index and middle fingers. It was the reality. You were worried about the others, maybe even too much. However the best thing you could do at the moment was to hope for their well-being until you and Daryl started looking for them. He must've read your mind, he always did.

"Fine. Yea go first." He mouthed. Your mood shifted into a cheerful one by with just 4 words coming from him. You leaned forward slightly.

"Truth or dare." You queried. He leered at you in a gloomy way. You knew he was gonna end up savoring the game, one way or another in spite of feeling childhish at that moment.

"Truth.'' His tone barely above whisper.

You both took a sip from your drinks consecutively whilst you went on a ride in your head to come up with something to ask.

"What was your first impression about me?" You asked, not being able to hide the eagerness in your voice.

His eyes watched you cautiously. His gaze shifted somewhere else, trying to reckon the first day you met. A subtle smirk appeared on his face.

"Thought yea wer' cocky. Too cocky, even." He scoffed softly. You both stayed in quietude to remember the very first day you encountered with eachother. You chuckled.

"That was my coping mechanism. Confidence."

"Cocky." He opposed you in a childish manner, his eyebrows furrowed lightly at you.

You leered at him for a minute. You knew he was also thinking the first days when they took you in. You were drawing too much attention to yourself, pretty much everyone thought you'd be dead in a fortnight, though you didn't.

You sighed. Neither of you enjoyed thinking about any day in prison, it ached you in deep down. Neither of you could envision what your next move should be, spending this time in a wooden cabin in the middle of the woods didn't make it any better. You were in the midst of a chaos and it felt as if all your efforts were in the aim of lightening your agony.

Daryl reached for the moonshine jar that was sitting near you. He started pouring himself another drink. He almost filled the glass to the brim, peeking at you clandestinely incase you'd tried to stop him. You caught his leer and softly shrugged your shoulders indicating that you didn't mind.

He leaned against the wall of the cabin as he grunted. He took a big sip from his drink. You heard his gulp, the booze going down from his gullet. You couldn't help but chuckle at the sound, maybe you chuckled a little more than necessary. Gosh, you were getting lit; you thought to yourself.

Daryl guzzled up his second drink in less than a minute and poured himself another.

"Easy." You managed to say between your slowly-fading chuckles.

"And it's your turn." You hinted.

"Truth." You uttered without him having to ask.

He clattered an "Ahh." sound between his sips to imply he was notioning for a question. His eyes were locked on the ceiling, thinking, you glimpsed at his narrow, blue eyes. His gaze met with yours.

" 'S there sumthing ya didn't tell me 'bout the person ya wer'?" You looked dumbfounded, not catching what he could've meant by that. He must've read you like an open book. He scoffed " 'Fore all dis. 'Fore the world went to shit."

You couldn't fathom his question. He knew so much about you. He knew about your family that you stopped seeing after you moved to USA. He knew about your favorite childhood cartoons. He knew about your days as a school girl. He knew how you ended up in Georgia. He knew so much about you. Although he had never been the type to corner you with your life before the apocalpyse, you acknowledged that there must've been a lot of things you didn't tell him whether it was due to your choice or you never felt the need to do so.

"Yes." You said in cynicism. He remained silent. It was rather explicit that he wanted to investigate more; that he wanted you to elaborate.

Yet, you didn't. If he wanted to know more about you, he should've asked you more bluntly. You didn't avoid his piercing gaze. You could feel your nerves and brain going number with your increasing sips from the moonshine.

"I'm pretty sure there are atleast dozens of things I haven't told you about the person I once were."

He echoed a nonchalant glare. You, once again remained silent. You knew he'd always turn into an impossible and preposterous person to read whenever drunk. You questioned yourself. You questioned if this was a good idea after all.

He sighed. His eyes were narrower than before. He is getting wasted, you thought to yourself. You shifted your position wretchedly, grabbing your drink with both hands. You tried to put a constrained smile on your face.

The silence was unbearable so you spoke up. Your voice was raucity.

"So truth or dare?" You asked.

He gazed at you with a piercing look. You played the game not more than 5 minutes and the air had already started to feel stuffy due to intensity between you two. You couldn't understand why.

"Truth." He grunted involuntarily. He was only playing the game to pass time, to investigate and even corner you. His gaze was stern. Your smile faded away lightly. You thought of asking something private, asking something that was just about you two. Before you could even debate on that idea, you uttered

"Have you ever seen me as someone more than this?" You got hot. The alcohol was hitting you. You couldn't think clear, you spoke before giving it a second thought. You could feel your cheeks blushing. Your cheeks would never blush out of embarrassment nor humiliation. They would always blush when you did something extra, futile, stupid.

You didn't need to elaborate it. He knew exactly what you meant. He knew you had been wondering if he ever thought of you more than an appealing teammate whom he'd share a warm bed now and then. He had asked similiar questions to himself, always leaving them unsettled. He didn't want to give in, ever. He had to have a demenour where he wouldn't let anyone get too close. That was Daryl. Those were the obstacles he'd build towards anybody. You lifted your head only to meet his blue eyes. Daryl spoke the second he locked his eyes on yours.

"Ain't much of a world to keep your mind busy with that kinda stuff." He grunted. You got even hotter inside of your head.

"So, no?" You gawked.

"Didn't say dat." He looked at you with blank eyes. He didn't even get defensive whilst you were going nuts and trying your hardest to not make it plain. It was the intoxication. You were never like this. It was safe to say you did care about his feelings but you weren't a fool. You knew exactly how he'd close up, how well he'd hide in his shell.

"OK. It's your turn." You huffed as you darted away your eyes. Your temper highly depended on booze at the moment. You didn't need him to think that your mind was way too preoccupied with his words, the words that came out of his mouth with such ease. You hated the power he had on you sometimes.

He grunted with vexation as he shifted his position and leaned against the wall a bit more. Daryl rested his elbows on his knees, swinging his glass that had a little drink left in it in a motion. He kept eyeing you, so did you.

It was apparent that you both were bored to death, yet no one put forward the idea to stop it.

"Ya ever think 'bout the old world?" He grunted.

You raised your head, his eyes were squinting right at you.

"Didn't say truth." You hissed.

"Ya ain't gon' say dare neither."

"Right." You mumbled. He was biting on his pinky's nail out of lack of interest.

"Don't do that." You said as you grimaced.

"Ya gon' answer?" He insisted, his brows were slightly furrowed as he, not surprisingly, kept biting on his finger nails.

This game was all about you two finding something to bicker. You sighed. You were not looking at him but you could feel his eyes roaming all over you.

"Sometimes."

"Wish I could go back to those times." You whispered looking at the floor. Daryl's face darkened. You knew his life before the fall wasn't the greatest and perhaps this new world of silence, isolation was a jackpot for him. You caught his leer. Both of you remained in serenity.

You took a sip from the moonshine and asked the first thing that came to your mind.

"OK Daryl. Have you ever stolen something? like something big?" You begged with wide eyes. Only his eyes made you question yourself and your foolish question.

He kept swinging the glass in a slow motion as he narrowed his eyes at you. He wasn't offended. He wasn't angry.

"Ya know I didn't." He remarked. You sensed a sense of sorrow in his eyes yet you didn't step back, you never could when you were drunk.

"That's what you told me." You spoke, emphasizing the word "told" as if you were making it obvious that you didn't believe him. You kept your wide-eyed gaze. An undertone of exhilaration was on the surface of your voice.

"And after all, we barely knew eachother when we talked about this, right?" Stupid you, still couldn't make out what his gaze could've meant.

"Maybe you weren't being honest." You uttered.

"Come on. You must've done something with Merle." You insisted.

His gaze never left yours. You drank too much, you lost your basic human decency. Yet he responded spiritlessly.

"Was bein' honest." You could perceive that was the moment he lost all his interest in the game.

"Ain't no reason not to be, Merle was an ass."

He sighed. Great, now you reminded him his dead brother; at a time like this, in a place like this. Your smile and exhilaration vanished. Drunk you was never stable, you sighed as you looked down at your drink.

You lifted your head only to see him getting up, throwing his glass to the floor only for it to shatter in pieces. You flinched and leered at the pieces. You couldn't dare to look to his side. He grabbed his crossbow on the broken wooden table, slunged it over his shoulder.

"Imma take the first watch. Rest." He demanded. He breathed out before he left the cabin. You stayed there, not being able to move an inch. It was like you froze. You leered at the pieces of glass on the floor once again

"Fuck me." You groaned. You exhaled audibly, looking around the cabin. That was the moment when it hit you, he was drunk; way too drunk. God knows how he was holding up outside.

You immediatly got up, going out of kilter. You had been sitting for a long time, your body was cramping and you kept hitting to the dusty tables and chairs that were sitting in the middle of the cabin. Your head was spinning. You sauntered towards the door, grabbed the door handle. It made a squeaking sound that left you scrunching your nose.

"Come inside." You quaked, not looking at him. You were exhausted, maybe from the moonshine or maybe you were just, exhausted.

" 'm fine." He grunted. His back was facing you.

"Your drunk as much as me." You huffed with withered eyes. You were leaning against the door frame, your hand still gripping the door handle lightly.

Daryl scoffed.

"Your actin' like a child." You muttered under your breath. The alcohol was getting the best of you. His back was still facing you.

You leered at his messy hair, his vest, his arms gripping the crossbow. He was swaying in a slow motion, resting his weight on his right leg now and then.

"Just hate tha' ya still think 'm sum kinda redneck asshole." He muttered. He sounded rather disappointed, fed up with this whole situation.

"I don't." You whispered. Your eyes were wide, you couldn't process his words. He remained silent, typical Daryl.

"Daryl, I don't." You hissed as you grabbed the side of his vest, forcing him to face you.

He looked at your face with blank, stern eyes. You couldn't recognize the Daryl you knew in him. He didn't change his position, gripping the crossbow firmly as ever.

You were getting sentimental at his demenour. Your eyes were getting watery, you couldn't find words to utter. Nothing changed in him, in his cold stern stare that would make you hate yourself. He could never hurt you, that's what you told yourself but even a gaze of his could make you shatter inside. He got too close to you to a point where you could smell the booze from his breath. Deliberately, he rested all of his weight on you, cornering you against the door frame. You couldn't breath. He leered at your eyes with his blue piercing eyes for a hot minute when he spoke

"Ya'd be crumblin' 'n all if I spoke to ya 'bout your past." He hissed.

His glare was fixated on you as he got inside of the cabin. You breathed out quickly and wiped a tear that was to fall down on your cheek and looked at the woods.

"What the hell does that supposed to mean Daryl?" You turned to him. He was going through his backpack.

"Think ya kno' what I mean." He mumbled under his breath.

He grabbed a canned food and sat on the edge of small ladder. He wasn't looking at you but your gaze was at his fingers trying to get the canned food open.

"What if I don't?" You said calmly but at alert, waiting for his respond.

"I dun' kno'. Sellin' yer body for attention. Ring any bell?" He snapped, lifting his head to meet with your gaze. You stood there with complete silence, trying to process his words. His voice was pretty tall, which made you flinch.

"That's really low Daryl." You scoffed. You weren't offended, you were just astonished that he'd bring up your past as a barmaiden to hurt you.

"Right." He mocked. He was still on the small ladder, trying to open the canned food. He sighed as he threw it to the floor. He got up, completely ignoring you.

"Atleast I wasn't drifting behind Merle's ass, doing whatever he'd told me to do." You barked. You had lost yourself. You didn't care what your words would mean to him.

He turned to you, his arms flexing due to his firm grip on his crossbow. He got closer to you, his face was reddening. You could see his vein on his neck throbbing, he wasn't taking his eyes off of you. He clenched his jaw, lowering his eyebrows and leering at you with narrowed eyes.

" 'S tha' what'ca think?" He fumed.

"That's what I know." You uttered as you pout your face. You ran your hands through your hair to take a deep breath.

"Ya know nothing." He barked. He wasn't blinking.

"You were nothing." You whispered. Your eyes were getting red. You could feel them sting. Your vision blurred. Yet his rage was full of spitefullness. He gritted his teeth

"Pickin' up lonely dudes to get 'em pay ya was sumthin'?"

"Sumthin' yer dam' proud." He shouted as he pointed his index finger right at you.

You swallowed slowly. You were not looking at him.

"Just leave me be." You managed to mumble between your shaky, shallow breaths.

"No, I ain't gon' do dat." He boomed. He threw his crossbow on the mattres you two incompetently tried to turn into a cozy bed. He got closer to you, immediatly grabbing your wrists with his hands.

You looked at his hands grabbing both of your wrists quakingly. You weren't sorrowful nor furious. You were affronted at his grip on your wrists that left you in discomfort and almost, pain. You raised your head to meet with his hard-nosed gaze. You shook your forearms fiercely several times, hoping he would free you but he didn't. How could he do this do to you? Out of all the things out there, he chose to grip both your wrists. That was something you'd always highlight when you'd talk about the abuse you had to go through back when you lived with your family. How your father would grip your wrists and squeeze them thightly until you'd feel like passing out. You always told him how small it made you feel, how worthless. Didn't he say "What a dick" referring to your father. Now there he was, doing the exact same thing. You wouldn't believe it.

"Can't run yer mouth now, can yea?" He spat out. His voice was growing taller and taller. You tried to get to your other wrist with one hand only he would not let you;

"Daryl, you're hurting me." You panted, quickly exhaling. Your chest was going up and down rapidly, leaving you all panicked and crumbling under his brawny, firm grip. You looked directly into his eyes, looking for mercy; hoping this night would end without either one of you dying. His hard-nosed gaze not shifting into a softer manner at all.

You were still numb from the moonshine, so many thoughts pondering your head. You wanted to kiss him, end whatever this was. You were highly influenced by booze. You didn't care. You wanted to kiss him. You didn't know what the outcome would be.

So you did, you got on your tiptoes; your bodies were already too close. You closed your eyes and kissed him harshly on the lips. His grip on your wrists loosened, you almost toppled onto him which he didn't let it happen.

His strong hands grabbed the both sides of your face, pressing his lips onto yours like he pleaded for more of you. It all happened so swiftly that he shoved you on the wall harshly. He waited for a split second, his lips brushing yours. You could smell the pungent odour of alcohol mingled with the smell of cigarattes you smoked earlier that day. You didn't care. You wanted all of him. He panted rapidly against your lips. You stayed like that for a moment, his hands flawlessly placed on the temples of your head; the only thing you could hear was eachother's shaky breaths. You pressed your lips onto him once again. A tear that you had been holding so long fell down your cheek, you didn't mind. It was a joyful tear. You were both taking eachother breaths away that left your heart ponding like crazy. He rested all of his body weight on you, which you didn't complain this time. You could feel him growing under his jeans.

Your hands reached the collar of his vest and helped him take it off. You grabbed his bare shoulders and digged your fingernails into them. His hands shifted to your waist from the sides of your face. There was that void feeling in your stomach once again. How small you were compared to him, how you were like an insect which he could've crashed with his fingertips seconds ago.

You gasped when his hands went under your t-shirt, grabbing your hips and waist and stroking your skin. It became a sloppy kiss but you both liked it. Your whole body curved into his body, small moans escaping your mouth. He started going down on your neck from your plumpy lips. Your grabbed a fistful of his hair gently with your right hand, softly pushing his head down on your neck as he kept pecking on your soft skin.

You made up.

FOOTNOTE

Why is it actually so awkward do write even a basic kissing scene. it was painful. idk much about this fanfic it was way better in my mind but idc

@duffmckagansbandana deserves some credits too!! we exchanged so many thoughts during this :))

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, mention of drugs, sexual harassment (some creep tries to force themselves on reader), forced kiss (same creep with the reader), slight comfort?, (please be careful if you have any issues with sexual harassment it doesn't go far but I don't want anyone uncomfortable), (let me know if I missed anything), fighting

Wc: 7.0K

A/N: One more part to go! Sad to see it coming to an end but thank you for all of your support.

Chapter 8: What are we?

You just watch as Rafe leaves. A sinking feeling builds in your chest. It’s like when you’re on a rollercoaster and you get to the really big drop. You always hated that part of the ride, somehow this feeling tops it. Fighting back the tears you walk to your room. Wheezie can wait until the morning, right now you just need to go to bed. You try to calm your breath the whole walk to your room. Scared if you made too much noise someone will hear.

Entering your room you finally let the tears go, finding solace within the four walls. The tears well onto your lashes, falling down in fat drops. Choked sobs echoing inside the silent room.You furiously try to wipe them away, hating how small you feel at this moment. This isn’t what you wanted. Deep down a part of you wanted him to fight for you. Seeing him give up so easily just adds salt to the gaping wound.

You strip from your clothes, throwing on a pair of sleep shorts and stopping when you reach for a shirt Rafe left. A part of your brain is screaming to find another shirt, the other is dying to have at least one last piece of him. Against your better judgment you grab the shirt and put it on. It faintly smells like him, another reminder how you truly thought he cared. The birthday cologne smelt slightly more bitter than it did before. But it was still him.

You turn to your bed, the sage green sheets lay perfectly flat, a bouquet of flowers on top. Walking closer you notice that they are white roses, your favorite. There’s a little note tied on the string that holds them all together. You pick them, opening the card to read it. I’m sorry Sunny. I fucked up but I can’t lose you. Please let’s just talk it out. I miss you. -R

The note makes you sob harder. He knew your favorite flower and he wanted to work things out. If you had just seen this before interrupting maybe things would be different. Maybe he would be he instead of walking away. Why would he remember your favorite flower? You barely even remember when you mentioned it around him.

“What are you doing?” The voice behind you makes you jump. The rose in your hand flies as you grip the scissors tighter.  You turn your head to see Rafe leaning back on the kitchen counter. “Jesus Rafe you can’t do that. You scared the crap out of me.” You lean on the kitchen sink, regulating your heartbeat back to normal. He chuckles a little, a small smile spreading on his lips. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare ya. Just saw you standing there and was curious.” He eyes your ass getting a perfect view from his spot behind you. “I’m cutting the stems of these roses.” “What Rose wants to be in every part of this house now?” He thinks he’s funny but he’s not. “No smartass. They are my favorite flowers, specifically the white ones.” You got back to cutting the stems, picking up flower to flower. 

He sits there and watches and you finish the rest of the flowers. “Kinda seems corny doesn’t it? Like every chick likes roses it's never another flower.” Rafe remarks. Teasing you for the choice. “Well I like them because of my grandma. She used to get fresh bach every week and put them around the house. I get them because they remind me of her.” That’s the most you’ve shared about her since she died. 

She was kind of the glue that held the family together. She always knew how to make everyone laugh. Always made you feel safe and welcomed. Your parents weren't that bad when you were growing up at first. They loved you so much as a baby, couldn’t have been prouder. Then the older you got the more money they had to spend. The more time they had to put into you and not them. It seemed the older you got the more problems they had. The more pressure they would put on you to be better.

Your grandma did a great job at shielding it from you for as long as she could. The flowers were the thing the two of you shared. Spending time picking out the right ones just to go home and build a bouquet. It was the highlight of your weeks and after she died it was over. You held on to the last bouquet until all the petals were left to nothing. Rotting on your dresser, burning holes into the wood to leave their marks. No bouquet felt the same after but it brought you comfort.

“Remind you?” Rafe questions. “She died when I was eight. I make bouquets to feel connected to her.” He just looks at you as you fill the vase with water, adding the roses one by one. He remembers watching his mom arrange flowers for the house. She would bring him along as she picked out various flowers. Always asking him for his input because he was her special helper. It was their special day activity, Ward would get upset at the sight of Rafe helping out. His mother would go to his defense, nipping Ward’s words in the butt the moment they exit his mouth.

It hurt to remember his mom, the memory causing more heartache than anything. The image of his happy mom crushed when he realizes she’s gone. Left him behind with a man that hates him. In a town where no one will ever care for him. But then he watches you do a simple action that brings her back. It hurts but he can’t help but smile watching you. “I’m sorry. I bet it was hard losing her. They look good, she’d be proud.”

You look him in the eyes, a soft smile gracing your face. Rafe can’t help but to think how beautiful you look. “Thank you. That was very sweet of you Rafe.” You praise. He blushes, straightening up and walking off. “WHatever don’t tell everyone now.” You laugh at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The memory makes the feeling worse. He had remembered that conversation this whole time. It had happened early on to you working here, one of the first few meetings with the oldest sibling. You thought he was just being polite because you were new and you just told him something sad. But he still had that information stored away in some filing cabinet in his mind. The fact he still knew makes you want to find him and forgive him. Then you think about the fact he gave up.

You can’t really fault him, he has a right to do what he wants. Yet it still stings that you weren’t enough for him the first time and you weren’t enough for him this time. You place the flowers on the bedside table. Pulling the covers back you climb into bed, curling up into a ball and going yourself to sleep for the second night in a row.

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The sound of voices stir you slowly awake. “Come on, leave her alone.” A hushed voice breaks through the door. “I want to know what happened last night. She never came to tell me.” Wheezie’s hush whispers fully wake you up. “No, let's go.” Sarah’s voice firmly states, footsteps fading down the hall. The room is bright, the curtains are fully open, you must have forgotten to close them last night. The light is harsh on your eyes, they still sting from crying the night before.

Everything keeps replaying in your mind. Memories creating a slow motion picture just for you. They are on a continuous loop as you get ready for the day. Your mind keeps going back to what Wheezie said to you yesterday. Would you be okay if you saw him with someone else? No you wouldn’t, seeing him with Sofia was hard enough. You don’t think you would be able to handle it further.

That realization brings you back to the flowers and the note. He has kept the memory with him since that day. Rafe wanted to make it up with you and showed you that he does care about you. He used the memory to do something that would make you happy, even if he caused you pain. The note made it obvious he wanted to work things out, maybe you should have listened to him. He didn’t actually have any reason to stay loyal to you, no conversation was had for the next step to happen.

Once you are finally dressed you slip on your shoes determined to find Rafe. You look around the hall when you step out, not wanting to run into anyone and change your mind. You make your way to his door and knock. Butterflies fill your abdomen, the nervous feeling eating you from the inside out. “Rafe?” You call out, keeping your voice low. Your right hand opens the door and you are faced with an empty room. The room is still a mess, things littered everywhere, a perfect match to him.

Sighing you close the door again, heading downstairs to get some breakfast. Voices can be heard from the kitchen, they aren’t loud so it’s hard to make anything out. Entering the kitchen you see Rafe talking with Sarah and Barry just sitting at the island. “He shouldn’t be here Rafe. Dad will flip out.” Sarah argues with her brother. “He already doesn’t like me, why should I care?” He huffs out and turns around, pausing when he sees you at the door.  Barry and Sarah to look at what caught his attention.

“Well hello baby. Thought I would never see you again.” Barry’s voice rings in your ears but you can only focus on Rafe. “Hi.” You squeak, your voice giving away how nervous you are to see him. His jaw is clench, his hands forming fists as he looks at the man staring you down. “Let’s go Barry. We got shit to do.” He says pushing the other guy's shoulder as he passes him. Rafe gives you a nod as he walks by you and leaves. Barry tsk’s as he gets up making his way out as well. “That boy never learns does he?”

You just stand there, eyes glancing at Sarah. “I’m sorry I didn’t think you would be up right now after last night.” You smile at her and go in further to make food. “It’s fine. He already said he was going to leave me alone from now on. I just didn’t take him seriously.” Boiling water, you get the oats out of the cabinet, oatmeal was the fastest thing you could think of. “Wait what?” Sarah exclaims. Her shocked face staring at the back of your head.

You know she won’t leave you alone for the rest of the day. You have picked up on a few things over this past year. Never interrupt Ward when he is in meetings or talking in general. Rose really does care but the kids will never respect her so she lets them be. Rafe has been hurt for so long that he refuses to be himself now. Even though Sarah and Wheezie are different people they have the same personality trait. They care so much that they don’t know when to call it quits. Granted Sarah is better at keeping it at bay than Wheeze.

Knowing this and knowing how she feels about her brother you give in. You spilled and told her everything. How Wheezie accidentally was the reason why Ward knows what happened. How Ward was yelling at Rafe and how you stepped in. Then told her about the argument between the two of you. Finally leading to him saying he will leave you alone from now on. The whole conversation lasted all of breakfast, the oatmeal you made for the two of you long gone.

“I can’t believe that he just walked away like that. He was the one to mess up, he can't be mad.” She’s saying things you’ve already said to yourself. He did mess up and he shouldn’t be mad. But another part knows that you hurt him too in some way. You shut him out when he wanted to fix things. You ignored him and refused to talk. In the end you did the same thing he did, you didn’t communicate with him how you felt. “It’s not that simple, Sar. He hurt me yeah but I also shut him out. I’m sure that had to hurt him too, I can’t expect him to wait around for me.” You are trying to be reasonable. This is her brother you are talking about, you don’t want to be the reason why they are not on good terms. Things just started to die down between them.

“But it is simple. He messed up by kissing another girl and all you did was get space from him. He decided to just give up without much of a fight.” Her words force you to think back to when he was crying. Pleading with you to give him a second chance, just to hear him out. “He did try. I just didn’t give him the chance and it’s okay. He’s hurt and he needs his space too. I can’t get upset with him for doing the same.” Deep down you know you have a point. He is hurt and needs time which is what you did. It just hurts that when you figured out how you felt it was too late.

“Why are you defending him so much? I get that you liked him but he hurt you.” You are quiet, looking at your bowl. “Do you still like him?” She asks, watching your reactions. When she doesn’t get an answer she realizes it was deeper than what she thought. “Oh.” You both sit there, the weight of your unspoken words heavy in the air. “We never said we were exclusive. It was never something we talked about so he really didn’t do anything wrong. I just can’t hate him.” 

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The thrap of the tennis ball takes you out of your daydream. Wheezie had dragged you out to the country club for a round of tennis, stating it would help you feel better. It was sweet of her for caring but the exercise was not welcomed. You would rather be enjoying the day reading then out on the court hitting a ball back and forth. “How many points is that?” She asks, a smile bright on her face. “6-2 I think.” You respond. You bounce the ball a few times before throwing it up and hitting it to her. 

The rest of the morning was uneventful after your talk with Sarah. She tried to talk to you more about how you should be upset but it got nowhere. Once Wheezie popped into the kitchen the conversation died and it was over with. You were relieved when Wheezie didn’t mention Rafe at all after. Even happier when all she wanted to do was go out. That soon faded when she said she wanted to play tennis. It was just an excuse to see the cute tennis instructor that just started there.

Everything was going well until you were both leaving. You were stepping off the court when a golf cart blew past you. “Watch it, asshole.” Wheezie yells causing the cart to stop. The boys inside it all turn around and low and behold there’s Rafe with some guy you’ve never seen. “Watch it, Wheeze. Next time you might get run over.” The boy next to him chuckles. “Yeah, stay out of the way.” Rafe shoots him a look and the boy quiets down. “Oh please like you are so scary. Stop driving like a maniac and be normal.”

Rafe looks at you, eyes lingering for a little longer than needed. You smile at him, opening your mouth to greet him. He turns away before the words could escape. The cart drives off again leaving the two of you alone. He was really taking this leaving you alone seriously. You had hoped that he would be able to talk to you or be civil at least. You miss his voice, his smile, you miss him. Standing there you both just watch them drive off, walking to the building to get changed into clothes. 

Wheezie wants to comment on how Rafe didn’t say anything to you. Noticing the look on your face as he ignored you. There’s a nagging in the back of her brain to ask you about last night. Her anxiety is getting the best of her, she’s scared that Rafe hates her. She has seen him get really angry and as much as she isn’t afraid of him, she still doesn’t like it. Wheezie doesn’t want to be the reason why her brother is angry at their father or at you.

“What should we watch tonight? I saw 10 Things I Hate about You the other day while scrolling and I’ve been wanting to watch it. What do you think?” You ask the younger girl as you walk the halls to the changing rooms. Wheezie clams up, her anxiety increases a bit more as she tries to think of an excuse. She needs this to go perfectly, nothing can get messed up. “Can we watch it as soon as we get home? My friends and I are having a Netflix watch party tonight.” 

“That’s fine. We can get some dinner and then watch it. How does that sound?” You ask while getting your clothes from the locker you put it in. “That’s perfect.” Wheezie wasn’t lying it was perfect. She needed you to be happy and complacent for the time being. She knows that you might be a little angry with her by tomorrow so she wants to butter you up while she has the chance.

You both got changed and packed up the rest of your things. You are trying hard not to think about Rafe but are failing. Would he still want a second chance if you gave it to him? Yes is the first answer that pops into your brain. Then you think about how he’s ignoring you and that changes. He seems to have no problems pretending you don’t exist, maybe he doesn’t actually want you. Maybe the roses and letter was a ploy to get in your bed again. Yeah that was it.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you have Wheezie order some food. Getting into the car you drive to pick it up before going home. The house is quiet, no one seems to be home besides Sarah. “Hey guys.” Sarah shifts her eyes back to the book in her hands. “Hey! We are going to watch a movie. Want to join?” You ask as you make your way to the living room to settle down. “What movie?” “10 Things I Hate about You.” Wheezie answers. “You had me at Heath Ledger let’s go.” Sarah bolts up, the book forgotten as it flies in the air.

The three of you all get comfortable and queue the movie up. You all just sit in silence, eating and enjoying the movie. Once the food is finished , everyone relaxes back. Only really speaking to comment on the movie. “Uh, I wish he would sing for me.” Sarah dreams out loud. You chuckle at her, nudging her thigh with your foot. “Want me to tell John B to serenade you?” Wheezie laughs at your teasing. “Oh my god. I would pay to see that.” 

You honestly can’t help but see the irony of watching this movie. Boy pretends to be into the girl only for her to find out it was all a lie. She tries to hate him but can never seem to, only to find each other in the end. But this isn’t a movie. Clearly Rafe is content with having you out of his life. There won’t be some big confession that absolves him of all his mistakes. He’s too proud to let anyone see how he feels. Maybe this wasn’t the best choice of movie.

Some masochistic part of you wants to feel the pain of watching something that will never happen. To soak in that feeling just to spite yourself. If the girls weren’t here you would probably be crying right now. Mourning the what if’s that plague your mind. It isn’t fair to do this to yourself and you know that. You just can’t seem to help yourself from finding comfort in your own pain. So used to the feeling that anything else seems foreign. 

The rest of the movie plays out. Patrick and Kat just made up and are now kissing. Every muscle in your body feels heavy. The weight of the situation pulls you down further into the couch cushions. The credits start to roll and the girls are stretching. “Okay I’m going to my room now.” Wheezie gets up to leave. “Already? It’s still early.” Sarah questions. “Yeah I’m doing a watch party with some friends.” Wheezie shrugs trying to walk fast out the room. Sarah squints her eyes at her younger sister and watches as she leaves. 

“Doesn’t she usually stick to you like glue until she goes to bed?” Sarah asks you. She finds it weird that she randomly watches parties with friends. She looks at you when you don’t answer. You were still stuck in your head that it took you a while to process what happened and Sarah’s words. “Um yeah sometimes. It’s good that she’s hanging out with friends. I’m not always going to be her nanny.” That’s when it hit you, this job isn’t forever. There’s no reason for any of them to stay in contact with you after Wheezie gets old enough. The girls would most likely stay in touch you know that. But you won’t be forced around Rafe anymore, maybe that’s a good thing.

“What are you even talking about?” She laughs. “You will always be a part of this family. At least you will be with Wheeze and I. You can’t get rid of us that easily.” She smiles at you. It makes you feel better having that reassurance. Even in the end you will still have them. “I think I’m going to go to my room and read. If you want to hang out or need me just come in.” You tell her. There’s a book on your night stand that you want to finish.

You must have been reading for an hour or two when Sarah bursted into your bedroom. “Is Wheezie in here with you?” She asks. You look up from the book, your face scrunching in confusion. “No, why?” Her face seems worried which only intensifies when she realizes Wheezie isn’t here either. “She’s not in her room and I can’t find her around the house. I wanted my sweater back and she was just gone.” Worry starts to gnaw at you. She has to be here somewhere, she couldn’t have just disappeared.

“Hold on. She has to be here somewhere. I’m just going to call her.” You place your book down and grab your phone. You dial her number and it rings. Sarah just stares waiting to see what happens. She didn’t answer. “Nothing.” You say. Sarah sighs not knowing what to do. “Let me track her phone.” Sarah gives you a bewildered look. “You track us?” She practically yells. “No. Your dad put it on Wheezie’s phone and I just have access to it. I never use it but this is kinda important.”

The app shows Wheezie at a house not too far from Tanny Hill. “She’s at a house. It’s close to here.” You get up putting your shoes on and grabbing your keys. “I think she’s at Trevor’s party. The one she was talking about yesterday.” Crap. Of course, that’s why she had a watch party. She just wanted me to leave her alone so she could sneak off. 

The car ride to the party was tense. You were so upset and worried. She went behind your back and put herself at risk to go to this party. No one knew where she was and something could have happened to her. Oh god what if something did happen? She is still young and people like to take advantage of that. This situation is setting panic alarms in your mind. You just hope Ward doesn’t find out because the Rafe situation can be forgiven. Letting his teen daughter go to a party and get drunk might be his last straw.

Loud music is blasting as you pull into the street. There are people everywhere and the feeling of dread increases. It’s going to take forever to find her here. Not only that, you know Rafe is around. There’s no way that he would miss the opportunity to sell and take drugs. Walking into the house was a hassle, people kept blocking the way. Drinks are being spilled on you, soaking your shoes in the process. This is the one thing you hate about parties, they are always a mess. People get too drunk and throw up everywhere. Others start fights or spend the night taking copious amounts of drugs. You don’t judge them, it's just not something you enjoy.

“We should split up. I’ll call you if I find her.” Sarah yells over the music. “Sounds good.” You head towards the stairs to check up stairs. The stairs are littered with cups making the floors sticky. Most of the doors are closed so you have to open each one. You found a couple in one room, the rest being empty or locked. Laughter fills your ears from the other end of the hall. Walking over you see a group of guys all sitting around.

Looking closer you can see that they are doing line and in the middle of all of them was Rafe. Barry was sitting next to him chatting up a customer trying to upsell. A girl enters your view and you watch as she walks over to Rafe. She leans down and whispers in her ear and rests her hand on his shoulder. You watch as he smiles up at her, shaking a little bag in her face. He turns to make a line for her on the table and he catches your eyes.

He freezes, the card in his hand stalling. He picks up his actions when the girl whispers to him again. She makes her way onto his lap and that’s when you look away. Heading back down the stairs, missing how he pushed her off his lap and shot up. How he looked for you but you were already gone.

You keep looking around the house. Stopping into every room to check them. The next thirty minutes were spent searching the house. You kept coming up short which was freaking you out even more.  You look at the app again and can see that she is still in the house. She’s here somewhere but you just can’t seem to figure out where. Your phone starts to ring in your pocket. “Hello?” You answer

“I found her. I’m bringing her to the car so we can leave.” Sarah tells you. Relief floods through your system. “Okay I’ll meet the two of you there.” She hangs up. Knowing that Wheezie is safe now you are ready to leave. You walk through the living room, eyes trained on the front door next to the kitchen. A body blocks you as you get right outside the living room. “Hey.” Some random guy says.

“Uh hey?” You say wearily. You are a little weirded out. You have never seen this guy before and he keeps blocking you as you try to get around him. “You’re that nanny for Rafe’s little sister right?” He asks. “Yeah.” He nods at you. His hands are in his pockets, he looks a little awkward like this. He takes a step closer to you, your body backing up closer to the wall. “Sorry for what he did to you. Think he’s kinda stupid for letting a girl like you go.” He says. 

As if his words would make you feel better about what happened. “Thanks. I have to go now.” You try to step around him again and his arm lands on the wall, blocking you. This is starting to get more uncomfortable by the minute. “Hey I’m just trying to talk to you. I think you’re really pretty. We can just have some fun.” He tries to ration with you. “I’m good, I really just want to go. I have to get back to Wheezie.” You try to push him off you but he just gets a little closer. 

His breath fans against your neck as you squirm away from him. One of his hands grabs your bicep, keeping you still. “Come one don’t be like that. I just want to get to know you. I think we could really like each other.” His body is now pressed up to you. You can feel how hard he is through his pants. It's disgusting. Your hand raises to his chest trying to push him off. It only makes it worse, in lips kissing your neck.

From the kitchen Rafe has been watching the whole interaction. Watching as he hit on you and how you stood there. He watches as his hands are touching you, his lips kissing the same skin his own lips touched. He was angry. Angry at himself for fucking this up, angry at his dad for being the reason he’s like this, mostly mad at you for moving on right in front of him. He was just filled with anger.

It didn’t help that he was so high and coked out that the feeling was ten fold. He had spent all day yesterday and today taking bump after bump. Smoking the day away and drinking. There’s so much in his system that he’s surprised he’s even standing. No matter how much he takes you are always still there. There in his home, at the country club and now here. He can handle seeing you, not really but he could manage. But he can’t stand there and watch as you are with someone else. His breaking point is when the guy kisses you.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. One moment he was just watching you, hating his life. Now he’s marching over to drag you out of here and yell at you. You can’t just rub it in his face how little he means to you. He was about to call you out when he heard you speak. “Get off of me.” It’s like a switch flipped. He is now paying attention to your body language. Rafe sees her hands trying to push his chest. How the guy keeps grabbing them to bring them down to his pants. “Just shut up and stay still.”

That was Rafe’s breaking point. He grabs the guy from the back of his shirt, throwing him to the ground. You watch in horror as the guy hits the floor in a hard thump. Rafe’s fist meets the guy's face in an instant. You stand there as his body holds the guy down and he keeps hitting him. Everyone is yelling in horror, telling Rafe to stop. “What is wrong with you? She told you to get off her.” Rafe yells. 

His voice snaps you out of it. The guy is trying to block Rafe’s hits but he can’t do much in his position. Rafe has him trapped on the floor. “Rafe stop, let him go.” You yell. You really don’t want to be the reason that he got into a fight. It’s bad enough that his dad yelled at him over you.

Topper and Kelce run over, dragging Rafe off of the poor guy. “Fucking touch her again and I swear I’ll kill you. I won’t hesitate if I see you near her again.” Rafe screams as his friends drag him away. You look at the guy on the floor, he just lays there as people try to check on him. “God he’s such a psycho. Who just attacks a random guy.” Someone says as they pull out their phone to call the cops. “Maybe he shouldn’t be such a creep forcing himself onto people.” You say without thinking. Heads turn to look at you in confusion. Some people connect the dots as to what happened. “DId he try to..” You walk away before people can ask questions.

You find Rafe outside, pacing in circles as he yells at his friends. “Why would you pull me off? FUcking asshole deserved it. He’s lucking I didn’t fucking kill him.” The boys just look at him with worried looks. “You can’t just say you are going to kill people Rafe.” Topper tries to reason but it falls on deaf ears. “Nah I mean it. He was going to hurt her and I wanted to kill him. I would do it to anyone who even thinks about touching her.” The boys don’t know what to say. Rafe is like a ticking bomb when he’s like this.

“Rafe.” Your voice calms him, he turns to you. “Are you okay?” He rushes to you. Examining you to make sure that creep didn’t harm you in any way. “I’m fine. Thank you.” You don’t know what else to say. He helped you out back there and you are grateful. “I swear if he hurt you I’m going back in there and killing him. DOn’t care if they arrest me.” He’s being irrational. “Hey, just calm down. Everything is fine now. You made it okay.” He pauses, your words sinking in. He made it okay. 

He was the one who helped you, the one that saved you. He reaches out to you, caressing your check. Relishing the feeling of you leaning into his touch. “You should go home.” He whispers. Your eyes open and meet his. Their red and his pupils are dilated. “Come with me.” He looks at you, debating if it’s a good idea. “I can’t. I said I would leave you alone, so I can’t.” He takes his hand off your face, about to back away from you but you stopped him.

“I want you to come with me, please. You can’t drive like this.” He gave in, no fighting was needed. You want him and that’s all he needs to know. He steps closer, walking side by side to your car. He sees Wheezie and Sarah in it. “What are they doing here?” He asks you. “Wheeze snuck off to the party. We came to get her and when I was leaving well.” You look back at the house and at him. “Well you know.”

He nods at you, not saying another word as you get into the car and drive off. The car ride was filled with you and Sarah lecturing Wheezie on how dangerous this was. That if something happened to her and no one knew where she was it could end badly. Rafe tenses at this thought. He was so coked out he didn’t realize his own sister was at the party. You were right she could have been hurt. Look at what happened to you, the same could have happened to Wheezie.

He’s on autopilot as he walks into the house and up the stairs. Your conversation plays in the background in his mind. He enters his room shutting the door but not noticing how it doesn’t click shut until a moment later. “Are you okay?” Rafe turns to see you in front of the door. “Yeah, I just want to get to bed.” What he really wants is to take another line and sleep the thoughts away.

“I just wanted to say thank you again for helping me today.” You shift your eyes from him. “No problem. Didn’t want you to get hurt.” He sits on the edge of his bed, folding his hands and looking at them. “That’s all? I got the flowers you gave me.” you take a step closer, wanting to be near him. You want to fix this, tonight made you realize he does care.

“Oh yeah. You can just forget about them. Don’t know why I even got them in the first place.” Your smile fades, the small flame of hope flickers out. “So that note was for nothing?” He doesn’t say anything. Guess you finally got your answer, it's over. “Don’t know why I even tried talking to you. You don’t care.” You go to leave the room. “Don’t leave.” He calls out.

Your hand is still on the door knob, one twist and you’ll be free. “Why? There’s nothing to stay for.” You hear him grunt, the bed squeaking under him. “Do you think I want to be like this? I can’t stand myself. I’m a fuck up, everyone knows it. For fucks sake my own father hates me.” He gets up, adrenaline coursing through him. 

“I wish I could be normal. That I was enough of a man to be worthy of anything. I’m just a failure at everything so no point in pulling you down with me.” His eyes are collecting tears. His breath came in short bursts. “That’s the drugs talking. You are normal Rafe.” He scoffs at you. “No, the drugs just make it easier to swallow that pill.” He laughs out.

“I know what everyone says about me, I’m not stupid. Ever since my mom died I was some monster. No one wanted to be around me and I just kept acting up. I know I’m not worth anything, then there you were. My own personal sunshine. For a second I was able to forget who I was. I was someone else and didn't have to worry about the rumors that go around. Guess I forgot I don’t deserve good things.” 

He’s laughing but you can hear the hurt in his voice. Tears fill your eyes at the thought of him feeling so worthless. “You do deserve good things.” “Look at what that got us. I fucked it up and you don’t even want me around. I get it, don't get me wrong but it sucks. I didn’t think you meant anything, the little voice in my head saying I was a fool for wanting to be with you. I let it get to me and now whatever we were is gone.”

A tear falls down his cheek. “I lost the last good thing that ever happened to me. You know you’re the only person that cared about me. It’s funny not even my own family likes me but you did. You were a breath of fresh air, the sunny day after a storm. I finally had you and I couldn’t even keep that. So no, I don't deserve good things.” His voice raises. A hollow feeling in his chest, he wishes it was a blackhole ready to swallow him up.

“Is that why you call me Sunny?” The nickname starts to make sense to you now. “Yeah, you’re this bright light that took everything away.” He sits down on the bed again, looking at the sun necklace laying on his table. He picks it up, playing with the gem between his fingers. “My Sunny. So beautiful it hurts. I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up. Wish I was different, maybe then we would actually be together.”

Your breath hitches, was this just the drugs? He did say that it just made it easier to handle how he feels. “I don’t want you to be different.” You stroll over to him, stepping between his legs. You grab his head in your hands so he can look you in the face. “I just wanted you to be you. I like who Rafe Cameron is. Why would I want you to be anyone different?” His eyes are shiny, glossed over with the tears that keep falling. 

“It doesn’t matter now right? It’s too late.” His hand wraps around your wrist. “We can talk about this tomorrow. You should get some sleep, we’ll talk when you have a clearer mind.” You go to leave the room but he stops you. “Stay. Don’t leave me.” His eyes are pleading with you. “Okay.”

You take off your shoes as he gets up. He hands you a change of clothes and he strips from his, laying in his bed waiting for you. You don’t know whether to change here or go into his bathroom. His eyes are are staring at you and you decide fuck it. He divulged how he felt, you can give in for at least this. You change into the shirt he gave you, leaving the pants to the side and get into bed. His fist still holds the necklace, you take his hand. The piece of jewelry moving to you.

You look at it, mixed emotions fill you. The happiness when you first got it, how you thought it was a step further in the relationship. The sadness of when you found him at the bonfire. The confusion you feel at this moment. You forgive him. You want to get past this and it seems like he does too. There’s still this fear in the back of your mind.

He traces your facial features with a light touch, scooting closer to your body. You are both on your sides facing each other. His eyes are drooping, sleep knocking on his door. Slowly fading his consciousness as he fights it off to have one more minute with you. “I think I’ll always be in love with you.” His words are softly whispered between you two.

Your mind short circuits. He said he was in love with you. There’s no way he actually said that. His hand lays motionless on your side, the sandman claiming him as his next victim. You look at him and then the necklace once again. Shifting slightly as to not wake him, you put the necklace back on. You move closer to him, touching his jaw. Letting sleep take you with it.  “I’ll always be in love with you too.”

[tragicclownwrites]

Why the ending of "Sponge-Cano!" was great SquidBob fodder

Hello! I'm back with an analysis post as I came across something recently and wanted to share some thoughts.

I'm likely late to the game here, but I saw an old post in which the author (a fellow SquidBobber) was upset by the ending of "Sponge-Cano!" and I just have to say... huh!?

Were we watching the same episode? 🤨

Needless to say, I was thoroughly perplexed by this reaction because I personally read into it much differently. Then again, I am a clown.

Therefore - in the spirit of friendly fandom discourse - I wanted to provide another perspective on this episode. Absolutely no shade to the OP either - people are allowed to have differing opinions, after all.

If you're with me, let's clown around below the cut!

The lie that started it all

Before we dive in any further, let's take a look at the scene that started this whole conversation.

Essentially, after Squidward's heartfelt confession to SpongeBob, while he's hanging on for dear life over a boiling volcano...

Squidward: "Please SpongeBob, I didn't mean any of that! I do appreciate your friendship. I am grateful. I'm… I'm… I'm grateful for the life I'm living! Who knows how long I'll have it? I learned that from you, remember?"

He says this after being rescued by his true love SpongeBob:

Squidward: "You know SpongeBob, in light of everything that just happened... I lied to you. I am not grateful for anything! I mean look at me. I don't even have a roof to sleep under, anymore!"

Now, this is the moment that had the OP so heated about this episode. After everything he said, after SpongeBob saved his life, he just... lied?

Weeeell, not exactly.

The truth always reveals itself

Now, for my hot take... I don't think Squidward was lying at all when he said he was grateful for SpongeBob.

Before you immediately decide that I've completely out-clowned myself this time, just hear me out!

There are a few reasons Squidward may have reacted the way he did in the aftermath of the volcano debacle.

He's Squidward

Our man's just lost his whole fucking house for the billionth time

The reality of what he just said is slowly catching up with him

He's Squidward

Unlike his more chipper counterpart, the guy doesn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve and has been shown to struggle with vulnerability and admitting failure. I mean, he can barely manage to apologize for his less savory actions without choking and sputtering like a fool!

However, when his life was on the line in this scene, he was vulnerable in more ways than one. Physically, he was quite literally dangling over an active volcano - you can't get more vulnerable than that! Emotionally, he bore his soul to SpongeBob because he thought he was going to die and wouldn't have another chance to say any of that again. Keep in mind, he truly believed he wouldn't live to see SpongeBob ever again.

I've mentioned this in my Reigisa x SquidBob masterpost, but there have been several other instances where - particularly, in a dire situation - Squidward will openly admit that he has always liked/cared for SpongeBob. And similarly, he's also tried to take it back or act like he didn't mean it when everything turns out okay or if other people aside from SpongeBob hear his confession.

So, as much as he "hates" SpongeBob and can't stand him, when it really counts, the truth always reveals itself.

Is it possible that he was just trying to play at SpongeBob's heartstrings to save his own ass? Perhaps.

But then, he accepts his fate. He loses his grip, giving everyone a tearful farewell. That is, until his little yellow angel comes to his rescue.

SpongeBob: "Squidward, I always knew you felt that way. Aw, buddy. Thanks for finally opening up to us."

⬆️Just look at the pure love in his eyes! (*Patrick voice*: LOOK AT IT!) The sappy sponge was even prepared to sacrifice himself for him. 🥺

While there was absolutely no way SpongeBob would actually let Squidward perish - promises be damned - it wasn't until Squidward poured his heart out, putting his true feelings towards SpongeBob out in the open, that he was saved from certain death.

You know how they say, "the truth will set you free"? No kidding!

As for why SpongeBob was completely fine with Squidward's lie after the fact (another point of contention for OP), well... he loves him. Period. And I think, despite his emotional constipation and frequent annoyance with the sponge in question, it's pretty clear Squidward loves him, too.

Therefore, SpongeBob wasn't upset by Squidward's outburst here because, as naïve as he may be, I don't think that fact is lost on him either.

In conclusion...

I think it's safe to say that "Sponge-Cano!" was a pretty great episode to add to the ever-growing SquidBob pile.

And if you thought the scene I talked about above was the last of it, ohohoho~ 🤭😏

You. Just. Wait.

At the very end of the episode, after Squidward loses his home and complains that he no longer has "a roof to sleep under anymore," SpongeBob does what SpongeBob does best: he offers to help him out.

Even after Squidward's selfish actions in "Can You Spare a Dime?" (which had some great fodder as well, such as *ahem* Squidward making SpongeBob wear a sexy maid outfit), SpongeBob still lets him stay at his house for an indefinite amount of time. Continuity? I don't know her.

To which, this gets even better.

Squidward doesn't refuse and find somewhere else to crash. After all, wasn't SpongeBob the reason he was miserable enough to be sacrificed in the first place? Why would he subject himself to even more SpongeBob, if that were the case?

At SpongeBob's house, he doesn't sleep on the couch or in a spare room. He doesn't even take SpongeBob's bed for himself while SpongeBob sleeps elsewhere - just like he did in "Can You Spare a Dime?"

NO.

The two of them share SpongeBob's bed. As in, they sleep in the same bed together.

Are these two fucking serious!?

They totally cuddled. Maybe even kissed.

All that to say, as much as Squidward whines and gripes about how much SpongeBob makes him miserable, it's clear to see that - even in the face of life-threatening adversity - SpongeBob's presence in his life is the key to his happiness. In this case, the key to his survival as well.

Now, if only our favorite grumpy octopus would take that spongey key, embracing him fully, to unlock that door... 🌈

[notelcol]

In The Haze 🌪️

A classic Bellamy Blake x Kane!reader acid fog story….with a head cannon included as a twist ✨

TW- cannon divergence, mentions of assault/manipulation, gore?

——-

The silence of the hunting group made the trees seem louder, each gust of wind causing heads to whip around. Your feet no longer crunched on the forest floor like they had when you first arrived to the ground mere weeks ago. You looked to your ‘leader’, seriously doubting his decision to leave the safety of camp with all the current looming threats from the grounders. When you saw his determined expression, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. He was the only one of the group who didn’t look afraid, and that made him a fool.

“Over there!” Sterling whisper-shouted, pointing to a deer in the distance. Bellamy nodded and as usual, took the lead and aimed his knife. You decided to take in the scenery instead of watching another of his power plays. That was when you saw it. A murder of at least one hundred crows, frantically fleeing across the sky. You didn’t want to know what they were so afraid of. Unfortunately, on the ground it’s not possible to close your eyes to the dangers.

“ACID FOGGG!!!” Munroe yelled. Your eyes widened as you watched the group run off in different directions. You didn’t know which way the nearest shelter was and found yourself spinning in circles. The fog moved closer, faster than you could think. Until a hand grabbed yours.

“Come on!” Bellamy’s gruff voice ushered you away from green cloud. The two of you ran, hand in hand, faster than you ever had before. The forest became a muddy green blur around you.

“There’s a cave by those rocks up there.” He called over his shoulder. You focused your eyes on the shining wet rocks, trying not to think of the encroaching fog. You felt a tug on your neck as you brushed past a tree, on instinct you looked back.

When you saw what had happened, you dropped your hand from Bellamy’s and started to run back. You would rather die in the fog than lose this necklace.

You ignored Bellamy’s calls and moved faster towards the fog, heart almost stopping when you saw it about to make contact your most precious possession. You desperately lunged your hand forward, praying that you’d reach it before the fog did. You could almost feel the chain when you were harshly pulled away. Your hope shattered as you watched the fog engulf your necklace. You still fought Bellamy’s grip for a moment, unable to accept it. You fought until the burning agony of reality seared itself into the arm still stretched out in lost hope.

Finally, you gave in and allowed Bellamy to drag you out of the fog that had begun to swallow you whole.

“What the hell was that?!” He spat as he pushed you into the cave. “You nearly got us both killed over a necklace!” He rubbed his temped as he spoke. “It’s metal! The fog isn’t gunna damage it.” He began to lecture.

“It’s not just a necklace!” You growled, jaw clenching in the pain of your burnt arm. “There was a lock of my mothers hair in there. The fog just turned the last piece of her to dust.” Your voice cracked. For the first time, you noticed Bellamy Blake looking at you as something other than one of the privileged. Running a hand through his curled hair, he sighed.

“I have water in my bag. Let me help you.” Gesturing to your now weeping arm.

Sweat rolled down your back as he peeled off the remnants of your sleeve. You watched his brows furrow in concern at every shudder and wince.

“Why are you helping me?” You asked weakly. “I thought you’d say I deserve this, since my dad floated your mom and all.” You stared at the dripping cave roof.

“I think I’m learning to accept that you can’t judge someone by the sins of their father.” He spoke sadly. You flicked your gaze back to him, watching him curiously. He took a deep breath before meeting your eyes.

“I found out something recently.” His breath hitched and his hands faltered as they worked on your arm. “Commander Shumway is my father.” He released a breath, one that felt as though it was the first since he found out. “She met him just after he became a cadet. He caught her stealing medicine for her father. Told her he would let her off, if she did him a ‘favour’. Nine months later, there I was. But he didn’t care. Instead he held everything against her and once Octavia was born…well he had the ultimate leverage then didn’t he? Then all these years later he tells me the truth, but for his own ends!” You barely felt him tip the water on your arm, as you were listening intently to his tale. “He tells me that he got Octavia into the dropship. He told me if I killed the chancellor, he could use the chaos to get me on the ship with her. I fell for it like a fool.” He wrapped your arm in some torn cloth as he continued. “As soon as I was on the ship, he ratted me out.” Bitterness etched upon his face. “So yeah, I can understand not wanting to make the same mistakes as your shitty father.” His mask returned in an instant with his signature smirk, as he dropped your now cleaned and wrapped arm.

“Thanks.” You gestured to your arm. “For the record, you might be an egotistical dick sometimes, but you’re good. You aren’t like him.” You sent Bellamy a small smile, which he returned while bringing his eyes to meet yours once more.

“You too Kane.” He spoke softly before leaning back against the cave wall and closing his eyes.

“We should rest until the fog clears. We still have to hunt.” His voice had retreated to its usual tone. As you leaned your head against the rocky cave wall you realised that somewhere in the haze, you and Bellamy Blake had seen each other for the first time. Even if just for a second.

——-

Thank you for reading 🫶

[jikjinz]

★﹐this is overdose ．﹗﹑

anonymous asked: Can you please do treasure legal line overstimulating their s/o unintentionally kind off something?

cw: treasure legal line x fem!reader (separate); overstimulation (f!receiving), oral sex (f!receiving), squirting kind-of?, fingering, tit play/nipple play, unprotected p-in-v sex (yall better wrap it up), aftercare mentioned; lmk if i missed any

a/n: back on my bullshit to drop a bomb and disappear. this is like a year late request so im sorry in advance but ig better late than never lol. enjoy <3 and btw this is little to no proof-read so yall dont see eventual typos or grammatical mistakes.

CHOI HYUNSUK 💭ˎˊ˗

it happened by accident

but when he noticed, his brain caught an error, a big one

keeps on going either way because you’re so gorgeous this way and he’s unable to stop

no thoughts in your brain right now, as your head is full of fuzzy pleasure and hyunsuk. that’s all you can think of and when you feel his tongue yet again on your clit you’re losing it.

hyunsuk is as well in his world… kind-of?? because his world right now consists of the most scrumptious meal he’s ever had. your pussy. and he loves the background music consisting of your moans, screams, and random blabbers you say occasionally. yet the moment your thighs shake and the most overpowering orgasm hits you while providing him the tastiest thing ever, hyunsuk finally comes back to reality. and as you try to calm yourself by breathing steadily, hyunsuk looks at your with his dreamy gaze, his lower face covered in his spit and your juices.

because you’re the best thing that he got blessed with and he hopes to keep you by his side until you two get old.

💭ˎˊ˗ PARK JIHOON

probably it was his goal

which he achieved

grins like a stupid idiot (which he is) at your fucked up state because it’s him, it’s park jihoon who got you to such point and no. one. else. ego boost 100

“jihoon, please, please, please jihoon-”

“please what, pretty baby?”

“make me cum already, stuff me with your-”

jihoon only chuckles like a jackass, staring back at you with that cute smile of his. you whine again, trying to hump yourself on his hand that’s between your legs. he’s rubbing your clit for some time now, ocassionally picking up on his pace and then harshly stopping. jihoon also is toying with your cute tits and those nice nipples of yours, driving you even more insane, causing you to think only about him, his actions, his hand, his length…

jihoon grabs your chin with his other hand and kisses you hastily, a perfect disguise for his fingers sliding in past your folds, causing you to moan right into the kiss and cumming immediately, too intensively for your senses to bear. jihoon, satisfied with the results, lets you to ride it all out on his fingers. and as you look at him with that half-lidded eyes and soft smile, he’s about to melt.

because you are the only one who makes his heart flutter in such indescribable ways.

KANEMOTO YOSHINORI 💭ˎˊ˗

once he did it, got so addicted to the result immediately

sent himself into the oblivion btw as well

stunned and amazed by the abilities of your hot body; would like to try this again

your body is on autopilot now, chasing that so much wanted pleasant high. mind went on a break, leaving your instinct to continue and all you got in your head right now was yoshi making wonders inside you.

“does it- ah! feel- good?” yoshi asks, his mind slowly ascending as well. the sight of your fucked out mind, your whitening knuckles from gripping the sheets so tightly… it’s all too much for him as well.

“uh- uh-huh!” that’s all he gets in response from you but that’s all he needs. and so yoshi continues, though he can’t do it for too long himself. he’s sure you’ve already milked him dry, yet you’re still going… until he feels something warm on his lower parts. smashed back to reality, yoshi smiles reassuringly, caressing your skin with his hand.

“you did so well, darling. i love you.”

because no matter how many times he’ll say it, it’s never gonna be enough and these words can’t cover the whole amount of his love for you.

💭ˎˊ˗ KIM JUNKYU

gets worried the moment he notices your fucked-out face

tries to check up on you but when you tell him to go on

his insides do flips at the sight of the results of his actions

you’re a moaning mess, eyes rolling back to see your brain, tongue out with no strength to keep it tense.

holy fuck, what is happening to you?

“keep going! don’t- stop!”

and as junkyu hears your trembling words, there’s a sheepish smile on his face. the fact that your head is empty already, only lust and the overwhelming pleasure junkyu provides with his actions is getting to his head, slowly, but it does. he still cannot believe that he does you so good and his confidence grows with each louder scream, each rougher scratch of your nails on his shoulders, and each plea of your to make you cum for the nth time. and as he’s whispering ‘i love you’ over and over into your neck, he really means it.

because no one ever got him so confident in himself as you do.

YOON JAEHYUK 💭ˎˊ˗

is in awe of the view in front of him

will stop if you want but that’s not enough for him

is the type to overstimulate you on purspose because it’s hot when you do it

jaehyuk can’t help but stare with wide open eyes and salivating mouth at your still spasming pussy.

“i’d love to see it more often, baby,” he says with that dumb boyish smile. right now, jaehyuk looks like a little child amazed by a new toy. he’s still staring at your entrance, in awe, trying not to hump himself between your thighs. finally, he looks at your face and gets close, so he can kiss the living shit out of you. you are just too good for him and he would give you the world if you’d ask. and he’ll start with a comforting bath, warm bathrobe, and lots of kisses and cuddles.

because he loves you so much and he knows you love him the same amount. but he still loves you a bit more than that.

💭ˎˊ˗ HAMADA ASAHI

did you so good for so long you squirted for the first time ever

blurted out some stupid bullshit because he loved that so much

will try to make you squirt again in the future (next time you get intimate)

“now that was hot as fuck.”

asahi stares at your soaked pussy and the wet stains on the sheets, in awe of your abilities. and as you squirm, trying to run away from his stare in embarassment, his heart swells inside his guts.

“darling, i love that you did it, it was incredibly hot and i wish to see you do such things more. it made me even more horny right now to be frank.”

you are able to only stare at him for a second, then chuckle at his honest words. as he sees your body slowly relax with each laugh, he smiles as well.

because he loved how you made his heart flutter with your smile and he would do anything to see you smile all the time.

KIM DOYOUNG 💭ˎˊ˗

another idiot who gets an ego boost

but is incredibly lost at what is going on with you

stops the moment you start crying out his name, does not understand the mixed signals of your words and body

“ah-! too- too much-!”

the moment doyoung hears these words, he stops his movements. indeed, he got lost in the pleasure the moment he slid inside, yet it seemed at first you were enjoying it as well. he has no idea what is happening to you but carefully watches your body, your each move, as he slowly tries to understand what do you mean.

“are you- are you okay, princess?”

the concern in his voice brings your senses back a bit and as you notice his worried stare, you try to say something coherent, though your fried brain can’t find right words.

“so good it’s- too much.”

what?

he is still looking at you and he still monitors your reactions but can’t help this cheeky smile. as he proceeds to finally get your words to his head, doyoung can’t help but kiss you.

because he did you so good it’s too much, all of it by accident, which only adds to his confidence.

|| trsr-mlist || main-mlist || reblogs & feedback appreciated !!!

taglist: @mashiluvs @yedamies-blackswan @ahncosette

@ jikjinz / @ ness-iness 2023, do not copy, translate or repost without permission!!!

[bordysbae]

hey! could i please have the prompt “i’m here baby, don’t worry” with ethan edwards where some creepy guy scares you at a party and you go crying to ethan

“i mean it”

ethan edwards x fem!reader

warning: creepy guy, very little profanity, slight mention of alcohol

word count: 0.9k

you down the last sip of your drink, swallowing as much of what’s left of it as possible. the warmth of all the liquor in your system flowing through your body. “hey eth, im gonna go grab a refill. you want anything?” you say to your boyfriend. “no i’m good, thanks though. but come back when you’re done, i don’t wanna lose you since there’s so many people here” he says as he takes his arm off of your shoulder. you nod and head to the kitchen, making your way through the sweaty, drunk crowd,

you begin to pour yourself some vodka, mixing in one of the fruity mixers on the counter as well. suddenly a hand falls on the small of your back, making you shudder slightly from the sudden action. you turn your head expecting it to be ethan, but who you’re met with is far from him. he’s about six foot, with dirty blonde curls, and green eyes.

“uh, excuse me?” you say, stepping away from him slightly, praying that he accidentally assumed you were someone else. his arm falls back down to his leg and your attitude makes a smirk grow on his face. “well no need for attitude there darling, relax. watcha drinking?” he asks as he lifts the bottle you just placed down, reading the label.

“who are you?” you ask him over the music. “my name doesn’t matter, what’s yours?” he says, now leaning against the kitchen island facing you. “my name doesn’t matter either” you mimic, very much creeped out at this point.

“you’re funny, and pretty too,” he states. “oh thanks. i also have a boyfriend so i better get back to him,” you smile before attempting to walk away. he grabs your wrist, pulling you back into the conversation, “that hockey player, edwards right? he’s pretty good on the ice don’t ya think?” “mhm, now can i go please?” you say, your heart rate increasing slightly as you realize his hand is still gripping your wrist. “i can feel your pulse increasing, what’s got you so nervous?” he asks, as he slowly approaches closer to you. you back up away from him, but suddenly your back hits the kitchen counter. now he has you cornered in the kitchen. “please let me go,” you plead, tears brimming your eyes.

“cmon, we both know i can treat you better than him. you really want a guy with an instagram following? we both know how much he wants to follow all those hot girls back, but you’re holding him back. i’d never do that to you, cmon darling” he smirks. his words hit sharp in your heart, you’d never thought about that before. did ethan actually think about other girls? we’re you holding him back?

you didn’t even notice the tears sliding down your cheeks until you’re snapped to reality by the voice of nolan. “y/n? what’s going on?” he asks, approaching you and the mystery guy. the guy steps back slightly, allowing you to take the chance and run into nolan’s arms. “y/n? are you crying? what’s wrong?” he says hugging you back.

“nolan i-i don’t know him! he pinned me against the counter he was being so creepy! and he was saying things about ethan!” you say, tears pouring at this point. “oh hell no, i’m gonna kick this motherfucker out. go find ethan okay?” he says, as he chases down the guy from earlier through the crowd.

you slowly make your way through the crowd looking for ethan. when he sees you and the tears falling he quickly pulls you into a tight hug. “what’s wrong?” he asks, nothing but concern in his tone. “c-can we go outside?” you stutter through your sobs. he instantly takes your hand, leading you outside to the back porch. you both sit on the steps, him wiping the tears with his thumbs. “i’m here baby, don’t worry. you ready to talk about it?” he asks as he pulls your head against his chest.

you sigh, “there was a guy in the kitchen. he kept flirting with me and i kept telling him i have a boyfriend, and somehow he knew you. and he kept saying things like how you probably want to be following back the hot girls that follow you, instead of dating me. and he was saying he could treat me better. he pinned me against the counter and wouldn’t let me leave, i have no idea what he as gonna do to me if nolan didn’t step in,” you say as tears begin to pool again.

“oh y/n. i promise you, i don’t even look at the girls that follow me. i love you more than anyone, seriously. i tell my mom all the time how much i love you and how i wanna marry you one day, and i mean it. i cant imagine my future with anyone else. that’s why i’m scared for when i go to new jersey. i’m afraid that you’ll leave me, not the other way around.”

“ethan i’d never leave you, i promise you that” you say as you lift your head from his chest to look at him. “you better not. i don’t think i could live without you,” he chuckles, kissing the top of your head. “well good thing you don’t have to worry about dying any time soon, cause i’m not going anywhere,” you smile, lacing your fingers with his.

[thatoneticklewriter]

Ice Ice Baby

(Ler!Gaming/Lee!Freminet)

Fandom:Genshin Impact

Summary: Freminet seems to be upset about his robotic penguin Pers and Gaming tries his best to cheer him up.

Freminet sits on the cute stitch patterned blanket Gaming had bought for him. Pers toddles over to the ash blonde who fixes the robot. The ash blonde lately has been occupied with his invention, for some reason Per’s eyes wouldn’t light up and during the night the robot would have seizures disturbing Freminet from his sleep.

The ash blonde was almost considering handing his prized possession to a professional for help.

“Fremmy!” A familiar voice brings him back to reality and the teen was met face to face with none other than his fiery boyfriend.

“Gaming? What’re you doing here?” He widens his eyes at the bi colored hair boy who should be in Liyue right now.

“I haven’t heard from you in almost two weeks. I got scared something happened to you.” A blush spreads across the other’s face as he rubs his arm.

“Oh, nothing happened to me. I just been busy with Pers.” Freminet explains to his boyfriend who sits next to him on the blanket. “I’m sorry, I should’ve responded to your messages but I forgot.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Gaming hums tapping his chin glancing at the invention.

“He’s just been I don’t know Finicky? His eyes don’t light up anymore and he’ll wake me up with his seizures. Some days I can’t even get him to turn on at all.” Freminet lets out a sigh.

“Hmm.” Gaming holds up the robotic penguin wondering what he could do to help his boyfriend. “Argh, I’m not good with technology or machines.” He groans gripping the ends of his hair.

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t have asked you to fix him anyway.” A small smile crawls onto the other’s face.

“But seriously, you should check your phone, I thought you had really died on me. I even had to call your brother to make sure you were alive.” Gaming scolds pointing a finger in the freckled boy’s face.

“I’m sorry. I’m just not really used to being on my phone a lot, I don’t have much friends to text either.” Freminet pouts. “Pers is my only friend and I don’t need a phone to talk to him.”

“Yeah your brother said you’re not much of texter or caller either because you’re introverted.” Gaming mentions.

“But I will try my best to talk to you more.” A small blush crawls onto Freminet’s cheeks. “I’m just a little sad right now because of Pers. I don’t know not to fix him.”

“Are you crying, Fremmy?” Gaming leans over glancing at the stray tear leaving the corner of the other’s ocean blue eyes.

“I- um no. I got a little emotional.” Freminet rapidly shakes his head. “Pers has been with me ever since I was a kid and the thought of losing him hurts me.”

“It’ll be okay.” Gaming embraces his boyfriend into a hug. “In fact I think my friend Aether knows someone who’s good with machines, we’ll just go to him and see if they can fix Pers.”

“Thank you, Gaming. Really. You came all this way to check up on me and then helping me with Pers.” Freminet continues to cry wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

“I mean I’m your boyfriend after all. I can’t just sit here and do nothing.” Gaming affectionately nuzzles his face into Freminet’s neck who lets out a small squeal.

“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.” The bi color haired boy apologizes.

“Uh no, it just I don’t know felt weird.” Freminet stammers and immediately a smirk crawls onto Gaming‘s face.

“Aww is someone ticklish?” Gaming teases and Freminet backs away from the bi color haired boy.

Of course Pers begins to shut down before Freminet can order the penguin to protect him from his boyfriend.

“Gaming, don’t! Wait!” Freminet almost shrieks as the bi color haired boy literally pounces on top of him.

“You can’t just give me information like this and not expect a tickle fight.” Gaming jokes slipping his hands underneath Freminet’s jacket.

“Please, Gaming this isn’t fair! You’re a lot stronger than me.” Freminet almost whines giggling at the fingers prodding his bare sides.

“You know, you can fight back.” He teases pinning Freminet to the ground blowing a raspberry against his neck.

“Eeeeek, I’m trying!” The freckled boy shouts writhing underneath Gaming’s grasp who wouldn’t budge one bit.

“I’m not seeing any effort.” Gaming snickers while unbuttoning the other’s thick coat to reveal more of his bare skin.

“Pers, please turn on.” Freminet whimpers calling to his robotic friend.

“Not even your penguin can save you from this but that just means he wants you to smile.” Gaming chuckles roaming his fingers across his tummy and navel.

Freminet can’t help but curl into a ball hopelessly protecting himself.

“Hide all you want but I think you have more spots than this.” Gaming expresses kneading at the flesh above the other’s hips sending Freminet into a frenzy.

The ash blonde bursts into laughter attempting to push Gaming’s hands away. However the dancer, grabs onto Freminet’s hands tightly retaliating by blowing another raspberry against his tummy.

“Gaming, you jerk!” Freminet uses harsh language earning a shock look from his boyfriend.

“Those are some bold words from my shy little Fremmy.” Gaming teases, punishing him by squeezing at his ribs and Freminet lets out a squeal throwing his head back.

“Gaming please! Hahaah!” The freckled boy tries to catch his breath and Gaming decides his boyfriend has had enough releasing him from his grasp.

“See? You’re smiling now.” Gaming gestures to Freminet’s glowing cheeks.

“Only because of you.” The cold ash blonde says in a soft voice avoiding eye contact.

Without another word, Gaming pulls Freminet into his lap pressing his lips against his.

As cold as Freminet’s heart was, it couldn’t stay frozen forever.

A/N: I’m so sorry for being a

Inactive with this blog, I promise I’m alive. Recently started cosplaying again last year and it has taken up so much of my time with writing. I do have a few more finished stories in my draft to post on here so stay in touch 😊