#what do y’all think of my human 9 design? i draw him every year!

[mikatoonist]

happy 9 day!

here’s my yearly drawing of my human 9 design c:

i love this film with my whole heart… happy 15 years 💖

[alrightbookreviews]

Shadow and Bone

by Leigh Bardugo

book: 7/10

show: 9/10

Alright so i’m assuming most of y’all have heard of this book after the Netflix series came out like a week ago and are like “damn i shoulda read the book” or maybe not. but if not then idk why ur even on my blog but whatever. i read this book like a month or two ago before i even knew about the show so it was a strange coincidence for me but i was excited for the show bc the book was pretty decent. so i sat down to watch the show w pretty low expectations bc the movies are never better than the books (duh) but i ended up liking the show WAY more than the book and here’s why.

So basically, the plot of the book is this chick named alina who draws maps i guess has this friend named mal (who she grew up at an orphanage with) and she has been high key in love w him basically her whole life and he is so fucking clueless so he doesn’t pick up on it at all. but they get sent on a boat across this big black cloud thing called the “shadow fold” w spooky monsters in it. so you’re probably thinking “oh okay since they took a boat, the shadow fold must be over water” wrong. it’s over some crusty ass sand and instead of getting something with wheels they drag this big ass boat across dry land which makes 0 sense to me but okay. also i should probably mention that there are people w like magic powers or some shit but i’ll get to that later. anyways, so alina and her bestie end up on this boat goin across the big spooky cloud with some other rando people. another design flaw of the boat that really bothers me is the fact that there are EVIL FLYING MOSTERS up in this dark ass cloud and instead of like putting everyone below deck or whatever, they jus have everyone vibing out in the open for the monsters to snatch. so of course, the monsters start snatching bitches. and mal gets snatched and alina is like omg no and then she passes the fuck out. very wild stuff. so they make it out of the shadow fold somehow and alina wakes up and these guard dudes are draggin her to the fancy magic people tent. i think now is a good time to explain the magic people so ima do that. so basically there are all these people with magic powers called “grisha” which is kinda confusing bc it sounds a lot like geisha but whatever. there’s like a bunch of different powers and they all have wacky names that i can never remember so i just call them the wind people, the water people, the fire people, the heart people, the healing people, and the builder people. the names are pretty self explanatory. but then there’s this one guy called “the darkling” which is the dumbest name to ever exist omfg i laughed over it for a WHILE. so y’all can probably guess what his power is based off of his stupid name. he makes the shadows move oooo spooky. and he can also use the shadows to chop people in half. i guess. so back to the story, they drag alina to the darklings tent and he’s like “bitch u got powers” and she’s like “nah fam” and he’s like “yeah watch” and he cuts her w a knife and she lights up. like she turns into a human lightbulb. and she’s like “damn okay so like that’s what happened on the boat when i passed the fuck out” so they take her to the palace bc i guess she’s the first person to ever have that power and it’s important bc it can get rid of the shadow fold or whateva. and basically the rest of the book is her trying to figure out her powers and the darkling trying to find this deer whose antlers will amplify her power and alina complaining about living in a castle blah blah blah.

so here’s why the show is better than the book:

her friend/guy she’s in love with is so fucking toxic in the book. he’s such a bitch to her and she’s just like lol okay ily and i’m like wtf? why do u like this piece of shit? he’s just rude man. and in the show i actually liked him. he tried his hardest to get to the palace and find her after they took her away unlike in the book when he didn’t do shit and when she finally saw him again he was mad at her for some reason idk i was like bro u gotta chill. so i’m glad he was chill in the show.

the darkling’s name in the show is “general kirigan” which is also pretty lame but SO much better than the darkling. no debate.

leigh bardugo has 7 books total taking place in this little universe (the shadow and bone trilogy, six of crows duology, and the king of scars duology) and they threw some of the characters from six of crows into the show for some reason. i was a little skeptical of how that was gonna go before the show came out bc shadow and bone and six of crows take place at different times and also i haven’t read six of crows yet but omg. i loved them. it’s this little squad of this ninja bitch, some guy w a cane who is hot af and (my favorite) this gay dude who mostly just talks about a goat. they were baddies and i was so happy they made a lil plot for them and put them in the show.

and those are really the only reasons. idk. i’d recommend both the book and the show but definitely the show a lil bit more.

now it’s time to talk some shit about everyone. (SPOILERS!!)

jesper: okay something important i need to say that my mom mentioned as we were watching the show: wouldn’t it have stank like shit when jesper fucked that one guy in the stables??? like dude no. literally do it ANYWHERE but there pls and thank u.

kaz: jesus fuck make a move you goddamn pussy holy shit

inej: okay first of all the actress who played her was GORGEOUS and she’s such a badass. kaz and jesper can’t do SHIT compared to her.

alina: she lowkey annoyed me a lil bit in the show. she ended up being the one who was a dick to mal instead of the other way around and it kinda made me sad but whatever. also the antlers in her skin omfg i gagged every time i saw it it was fucking disgusting.

mal: dear book mal, go fuck yourself. dear netflix mal, ily boo <3

the darkling/general kirigan: they chose an old ass dude to play him in the show. like in the book even though he’s like hundreds of years old, he’s only supposed to look like 20 and the homeboy who played him in the show is 39. mmm no. poor little 25 year old jessie who had to make out with this grandpa motherfucker.

genya: wtf was that tall ass collar she was wearing?? made the bitch look like she had no neck.

david: 🧍‍♂️. also you traitor motherfucker.

baghra: we needed more of her. i love that crusty bitch. kinda upset that she attacked mal in the show but whatever he was fine i guess? idk i liked her a lot more in the book lol.

nina: idk who tf this bitch was bc she aint in the book. her lil plot was boring tbh.

milo: queen milo i live for you.

and that’s it. thank u for reading.

[broodingsoul]

84 Random Things About This Week’s So You Think You Can Dance (S14E8)

1.  Time to reveal the Top 10!

2.  Every season, it’s a struggle to get through the Vegas—excuse me, “Academy”—episodes and then suddenly, we’re competing.

3.  Group Performance - All-Stars “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” This was just really beautiful, and perfectly showed why these dancers are All-Stars.  Only 4 of them are contemporary dancers, but they all dance it so beautifully.  The choreography is lovely; I think my favorite movements are the little wrist-flicks that occasionally happen to “knock-knock-knocking.”  Also, literally every time I see Robert dance I get really teary-eyed because, y’know, he almost died.  And then he was told he might never dance again.  Just overall, absolutely beautiful.

4.  And I guarantee you it was a Travis Wall number.

5.  Well fuck me in the ass, it was Mandy Moore.

6.  I don’t know if you know this, but she was the choreographer for the Academy Award nominated movie La La Land.

7.  I don’t know if you heard of that movie.

8.  It’s called La La Land.

9.  Also, just so you know, Mandy Moore choreographed it.  The show doesn’t like to brag about it much.

10.  So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Mandy Moore did the choreography for La La Land.

11.  Twitch and Allison are literally the most adorable thing to exist, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

12.  The only thing I care about when it comes to who’s in the Top 10 is whether or not Dassy made it, because she is My Everything (by Ariana Grande).

13.  Cat just said “Rama Lama” and I got chills.  No group number will ever beat that dance.

14.  WADE ROBSON HAD A KID?!

15.  Wade Robson is straight?

16.  Oh fuck, I completely forgot about Vanessa Hudgens.

17.  Oh Mary.  Oh Mary, what are these bubble sleeves?  It looks like a 6-year old designed their ideal wedding dress.

18.  Come on, Fik-Shun, don’t let me down.  Pick Dassy.  Choose Dassy.

19.  YAS BITCH DASSY YAS!

20.  Daisy & All-Star Fik-Shun “Shake Your Pants” - Hip-hop, choreographed by Poppin Pete Watching Dassy dance just makes me smile so much.  She just looks like she’s having so much fun and it draws my eye to her.  Fid-Shun is probably one of the most talented and likable dancers on this series and I can’t even watch him right now, because Dassy’s energy completely steals the show.  I don’t really care for this routine, but it doesn’t matter, because they look like they’re having fun, so it makes me feel like I”m having fun.

21.  Vanessa Hudgens just had a full judging moment that didn’t make me want to roll my eyes.  Good job, V!

22.  I really hope Allison chose Logan. There was something about his audition for the All-Stars that made me just keep gasping.

23.  Well I’m 2 for 2 for picks.  Let’s see if I can keep this up.  Which means I just shot myself in the foot.

24.  Logan & All-Star Audrey (of whom I have NO knowledge whatsoever because I didn’t watch Season 9) “Protocol” - Contemporary, choreographed by Tyce Diorio I know Allison was concerned about Logan only being 18, but he honestly dances beyond his years.  He has a maturity about him in this routine where he’s just…in charge.  Sometimes his hands get a little weak, like the moves don’t quite reach all the way through his arms.  And I honestly didn’t watch Audrey at all, sorry ‘bout it girl.  BUT I think this is one of my favorite routines Tyce has ever done—really sexy, really dangerous—and I wish so much I could’ve seen Allison dance it with Logan.

25.  I have no idea who Audrey is, but major props to her for learning this routine literally HOURS before the performance.

26.  And Zachary got picked up to play Mr. Mestophales in Cats, which just shows that some things are meant to be, and some are not, and he should be very proud of himself.

27.  I want Jenna to have chosen Kiki because I think he’s sexy as fuck, and also because I feel like Concrete kind of gave up and that’s a big red flag.

28.  YES!  KIKI!  Three for three.

29.  Kiki and All-Star Jenna “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back” - Cha-Cha, choreographed by Dmitry Chaplin First of all:  Kiki is sexy as fuuuuuuuuuuuc, holy shit.  Second of all, a Shawn Mendes song for a cha-cha?  At least it’s not that friendzone bullshit “Treat You Better.”  ANYWAY.  Kiki is an extremely good dancer when it comes to technique, but this cha-cha mostly lacks a lot of sex appeal from him (apparently I find him sexy because he’s a hot dork and not because of his dancing).  There’s only one moment where i really believe him as Jenna’s partner, and it’s when she kicks back into a développé and he has a moment of sexual chemistry with her.  Otherwise, it feels like he’s just there as a prop.  And it sucks because goddammit, Jenna is sexy as shit right now (secretly I really love her shh don’t tell) and I just keep looking at her because she’s stealing the show, simply by connecting to the style and tone of the dance.  His partner work is great, but I just need a little more OOMPH from him to really care about him as a competitor.

30.  But as long as Kiki keeps his shirt open like that, I’m good.

31.  “I’d like to dance a paso doble with him, I tell ya” is still my all-time favorite Mary Murphy moment.

32.  “It was very tough on Kiki because I found it very difficult to take my eyes off you…I just worry that the audience is not going to see a lot of your incredible world class style.”  There we go.  Nigel nailed it for me.  Kiki is a sexy dancer, but Jenna is just in this stratosphere where Kiki is going to have to WORK just to enter it.

33.  I care less about whom Cyrus chose as a partner than I do about Cyrus, which is to say very little.

34.  OH!  I do care about whom Cyrus chose, because I really want Kaylee to be on this show.  I loved her audition in a way that I loved Melanie Moore’s audition in Season 8.

35.  THANK YOU, Cyrus.  You finally did something right.  Also, 4/4.

36.  Kaylee & All-Star Cyrus “Clown” - Contemporary, choreographed by Tessandra Chavez Stunning choreography that somehow incorporates contemporary, hip-hop, and ballroom.  I don’t always love Kaylee’s face, in a way that I can’t explain.  I think her face over-acts, maybe?  But she dances the routine BEAUTIFULLY.  Her body tells the story that her face is trying too hard to tell.

37.  I’m not in the slightest bit surprised to find that Vanessa Hudgens has been in a fight where she threw shoes at someone, or at least, that she wished she had thrown shoes at someone and is just pretending she did.

38.  Honestly, if Gaby didn’t choose Lex, she’d be a moron.  I’ve had him pegged for Top 10 from his first audition.

39.  Fuck, I’ve had him pegged as Top 4 since his first audition.

40.  Good choice, Gabs.  5/5

41.  Lex & All-Star Gaby “More” - Tap, choreographed by Anthony Morigerato Lex seems really relaxed, and in a performance pocket that you only find by letting go and just being in it and feeling the groove.  This isn’t my favorite tap routine on this show, but I love it for how classically performative it is, like, the very essence of 30s/40s dancing.  It’s making me really happy because both Gaby and Lex are having fun with it.  I still think Lex has the power to make it to Top Four, especially after seeing him let go with a routine like this.

42.  “There was a really sweet, bashful, charming thing about you!”  Hudgens kind of just pointed it out:  I think Lex probably always felt like he had to be this super serious adult and no one ever let him be a kid, until Sonya and Gaby finally gave him permission.

43.  “There’s only one form of transportation on this show and it’s the HOT TAMALE TRAIN WOO-WOOOOOO!”  There was a time when I absolutely hated the Hot Tamale Train, but now I love how it’s, like, quintessential SYTYCD material.

44.  It’s like that one aunt you always thought was super over-the-top, but then you grew up and realized that she just likes to have fun and not take things too seriously.

45.  COMFORT.  MARK WAS THE FIRST AUDITIONED THIS SEASON AND HIS AUDITION HEALED ME.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PICK HIM.

46.  COMFORT YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF MY FAVORITES AND YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE THANK YOU SO MUCH.

47.  ALSO 6/6 I AM DOING SO GOOD.

48.  Mark & All-Star Comfort “REDMERCEDES” - Hip-Hop, choreographed by Luther Brown Y’all.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but this routine ended and I just BURST into tears.  There is something about this man that just makes my life so GOOD when I watch him dance.  It just makes everything feel better.  OKAY:  Mark has swag.  That seems like a weird thing to say, but he came out with swag and humor, and he kept up with Comfort in a style where she could easily overpower him (*cough*Kiki*cough*), but he Kept. Up.  This is definitely a routine I’d go back to watch again and again, because it was so entertaining, in both choreography and execution.

49.  “Do you know who Rufio is?”  “Yeah, bangarang, baby!”  Mark, I already want to marry you, you didn’t have to do that.

50.  “You just lit. It. Up. out there on the floor.”  File under: Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Mary Say

51.  Now that we’ve seen Mark be a complete and total ham (and apparently needing to be censored), it’ll be interesting to see if he can ever pull some sort of restraint.

52.  Remember how I love Marko?  Fuck, I love Marko.  “Turn to Stone” is still my all-time favorite routine this show has ever produced.

53.  I honestly don’t remember either of Marko’s team members, but let’s say he chooses Koine.

54.  Oh look, he chose Koine!  7/7.

55.  Koine & All-Star Marko “Memories” - Contemporary, choreographed by Stacey Tookey (so you know she was like, “This routine is about love, and a connection between two people who have very strong feelings, and just an overall sense of humanity” I mean the song is called fucking MEMORIES for God’s sake, I fucking hate Stacey Tookey but I won’t hold it against Koine and Marko) Koine’s extension is unbelievable.  Her lines are so crisp and clean and so well completed that it’s like she becomes a dull three feet longer than she is.  There’s a great moment where the combination of choreography, music, and lighting design gave me tingles, when the lights flashed like stars and suddenly everything was golden.  And just as I was about to pan Stacey fucking Tookey for this polaroid moment at the end, I Got the routine, and cry-gasped.  Fuck you, Tookey, you win this time.

56.  Goddammit, Marko is so beautiful?  Like?  I can’t?

57.  I’m going to have to go back and watch this one.  It really was magical, Stacey.

58.  And the word “magical” is not one I like to use to describe performances.

59.  But like?  Marko’s face?  It’s just?  So Beautiful?

60.  Other people I don’t remember:  Paul’s team.

61.  I 100% even forgot that Paul was one of the all-stars.

62.  He grew up into a fine-ass man, tho.  Like, damn.

63.  Let’s say he goes with Sydney, because why not?

64.  OH HE CHOSE SYDNEY!  8/8

65.  Sydney & All-Star Paul “All Stars” - Ballroom, choreographed by Val Chmerkovisky This honestly feels so much like a “Dancing With The Stars” routine.  I hate it.  I hate it so much.  I don’t care about Sydney at all, and this is the worst ballroom routine I’ve ever seen Paul do.  Like, Sydney has great legs?  And she seems to be doing everything well enough?  But Paul is super-showy, and I don’t see a connection between the two of them at all.  I blame the choreography, which I absolutely hate, like, wtf Val.

66.  Oh, right, Val is a DWTS choreographer.  ‘Nuff said.

67.  “What beautiful ankles you have” is a compliment you’d only hear on a show like this, and I love it.

68.  Sydney really does have great ankles though.

69.  MY BOYFRIEND ROBERT ROLDAN IS ABOUT TO DANCE A TRAVIS WALL ROUTINE NOBODY LOOK AT ME.

70.  I don’t remember Jonathan or Taylor, but to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of this season’s auditions.

71.  I kind of hope Robert chooses Jonathan just so I can see two guys dance together this, but I’m gonna say he chose Taylor.

72.  Oh look, I’m 9/9.

73.  I just realized Cat Deeley’s outfit looks like the dress version of Britney Spears red leather jumpsuit from the “Oops” video.

74.  Taylor & All-Star Robert “Change is Everything” - Contemporary, choreographed by Travis Wall Stunning body control from both of them.  Beautiful shapes.  This choreography is ridiculous.  Really elegant but animalistic at the same time.  This routine is A Story that 100 people could interpret 100 different ways, and Robert and Taylor are Telling It.  It ends with this great forward drop from Taylor and Robert stiff-arm catching her, and I just went, “Oh!”  Absolutely amazing.  I’m speechless.

75.  Also, Travis, here’s your next Emmy nomination. I’m going to watch this 700 times to catch all 700 stories, especially considering the lyrical play on words “This moment, change is everything” “This moment changes everything.”

76.  And you guys, Robert was supposed to have NEVER DANCED AGAIN I AM A MESS.

77.  Nigel hasn’t remembered any of the dancers I haven’t remembered, and that makes me feel very, very worried.

78.  Okay, Jasmine.  Let’s round it out with 100%.

79.  I don’t remember her team either, fuck.

80.  I’m gonna say Robert.

81.  Holy shit, I just went 10/10 choosing the Top 10.  ALSO HE LOOKS SO HAPPY TO BE IN THE TOP TEN GOOD CHOICE JASMINE.

82. Robert & All-Star Jasmine “Perm” - Hip-hop, choreographed by Chris Scott Robert is a total showman.  He might not have the technique or be the best dancer, but he goes out and lays it all out there, and just has a shit ton of fun.  He knows how to work choreography and the crowd to make it a good time for all.  Halfway thru, the choreography gets kinda “meh” for me, which happens with a lot of Chris Scott routines for me (he’s the Ryan Murphy of dance), but it’s saved by Jasmine and Robert having the attitude to sell it.

83.  The fact that Jasmine was one of Beyonce’s dancers makes me so fucking happy and inappropriately proud.

84.  Group Performance - All Performers “This Time” - Jazz, choreographed by Wade & Amanda Robson, and Tony Testa I feel like the routine built up to a moment that didn’t happen at the end, and it was no Rama Lama, but who cares.  It was a fucking mind-bend to watch.

My Top Three 1.  Taylor & All-Star Robert - “Change Is Everything” 2.  Mark & All-Star Comfort - “REDMERCEDES” 3.  Koine & All-Star Marko - “Memories”

My Bottom Three 3.  Kaylee & All-Star Cyrus - “Clown”:  When I thought back on the routines, I didn’t remember this one. 2.  Kiki & All-Star Jenna - “There’s Nothing Holding Me Back”:  Jenna sold it, but Kiki is the competitor and he didn’t shine 1.  Sydney & All-Star Paul - “All Star”:  I hated everything about this performance

[auburnfamilynews]

hope you like .gifs

Woah boy, did Auburn beat the stink off of Purdue. At some point it stopped being a football game and started becoming pure catharsis. Auburn was purifying itself from the disappointment of months of lackluster offense. Purdue was just in the way like a Japanese fishing boat during the Castle Bravo test. They were collateral damage.

What this game allows me to do is provide a service to you my dear fans. I’m gonna rate these NINE touchdowns for you, to help you better appreciate them for their unique charms.

I will be rating them using a 1-5 BOOM scale with 5 BOOMS being the highest. They will be scored in 4 categories: importance to the game, hilarity, pettiness, and aesthetic appeal. Am I biased? Sure, but these are my rankings.

LETS GET IT (Young Jeezy Voice)

This is the first touchdown of the game. Jarrett Stidham does the Official Cameron Jarrell Newton QB draw fake and then throws a gorgeous swing pass to Boobie Whitlow. Boobie weaves through the entire defense on his way for 6. Just look at it. Imagine for one second you are #36 for Purdue. Has there ever been a more hopeless feeling than the one that went through his head the second he saw the ball in the air heading toward Whitlow? Maybe not up until that point in human history, but maybe later in this very game.

Importance: 5/5 Booms. As the first score of the game, this one scores five BOOMs out of five. Auburn asserted its will on the game at this point.

Hilarity: 3/5. I wasn’t openly laughing at the TV at this point. I was more shocked we had just scored. If a chuckle came out it was one of surprise, not hysteria.

Pettyness: 2/5. It would have scored lower, but I just feel the Gus Malzahn Revenge Tour started with this play for a reason. I think he knew he could score on the most Gus play ever so early in the game just to prove it to the H8TRZ.

Aesthetics: 4/5. Pass plays are pretty. Long runs are pretty. This was both in one play and was very pretty indeed.

Total: 14/15 BOOMs/ Not Bad.

This was Whitlow’s second touchdown. I am a sucker for Wildcat and for Chandler Cox mooshing people and this was both. I loved this touchdown.

Importance: 4/5 BOOMs. Second score of the game, so we really didn’t know the floodgate of points was about to be opened. At this point we thought we were going to need these points in order to stave off an inevitable Purdue comeback. Nah dog.

Hilarity: 3/5. I didn’t laugh at this touchdown except at how Stidham doesn’t move a muscle from snap to whistle. He is a statue. Does he know that he is supposed to be part of the play? Is he sure he’s in the game? The Wildcat is a great design because it forces 11 defenders to defend 11 offensive players who are all a threat to attack. Stidham only attacked from a mental standpoint because I’m sure he is torching someone in his dreamscape during this play. Watch the gif over and over and try to imagine what is going through ole number 8’s noggin. Maybe he is imagining he is Boobie Whitlow and day dreaming about what it would be like to be named boobie. Man maybe that would be tough at school. Kids can be mean. But maybe that’s why Boobie got so big and strong. It’s not his real name so who knows.

Pettyness: 1/5. Anytime Gus goes to Wildcat and scores, I imagine he is doing it to rub his critics’ nose into it a little. But not to a huge extent at this point in the game.

Aesthetics:5/5. I love Wildcat. She is beautiful.

Total: 13/20 BOOMs

I have to double check this gif to make sure it isn’t just a bad copy-paste mistake on my part. It’s not the same gif as the last touchdown, Gus just ran the exact same dang play two straight trips inside the 5. Love u Gus never change.

Importance 5/5 BOOMs. This was the game winner. With 7:00 left in the first quarter. LOL.

Hilarity: 4/5. Anytime you run the exact same play against a team and score and they don’t come anywhere close to stopping it, it is funny to me. Also Stidham this time not only moves, he stands up and puts his hands on his hips like he is disappointed Boobie didn’t audible out of this play and throw him a sick back shoulder fadeski. C’mon Boobie, toss that p-skin this way, bro.

Pettyness: 4/5. Running the same dang play more than once is classic Gus Calling the Good Plays. I know he was thinking about the anti-Wildcat crowd (READ: dopes) and was sending them a message that he will be continuing to give defenses that sick sick Wildcat all next season.

Aesthetics: 5/5. I love Wildcat. She is beautiful.

Total: 18/20. That’s a lot of BOOMs.

This was the beginning of the Hey-Darius-Slayton-Is Super-Fast-You-Guys section of the game. Darius was more wide open than I am to the idea of you sending me money on Venmo (@sonofcrow).

Importance: 2/5. We hadn’t seen much from D-Slay and it was important for him and Jarrett to go out with a bang. This was important for that, it was NOT important to the game because Purdue wouldn’t be able to come back from down 21-7 if the game was fourteen quarters long.

Hilarity: 4/5. It was super funny how open he was. I was thinking it must have been a blown coverage or someone fell down. Then I realized it was just Slayton being fast and I laughed more.

Pettiness: 2/5. Throwing a bomb up 14 is not super petty, but it turned out it kinda was since Purdue employed the bold strategy of wearing lead-lined pants. That’s the only explanation for how slow they looked.

Aesthetics: 5/5. NOTHING BETTER THAN THE BOMB BABEEEEEY.

Total: 13/20 BOOMs. Solid.

Importance: 5/5. Not really but I’m giving it high grades because of how important it was for reestablishing the “SEC Speed” narrative.

Hilarity: 5/5. This gif is hilarious. There are like 4 guys for Purdue who have no idea what to do. Number 96 in white looks like a dang Keystone Cop. No one has ever run himself out of a play worse than 36 does.....except 55. This looks like a play from Breaking Madden. I bet Slayton was cracking up the whole time he was running untouched to the endzone, thinking about how tired 46 looks. The lead-lined pants were a bad choice.

Pettiness: 5/5. You know what Gus H8TRZ really hate? Wide receiver screens. Forget that they are a bedrock foundation of the modern spread offense, these dummies will tell you WR Screens are responsible for every Auburn loss in the past 5 years as well as the Global Financial Crisis of 2008. Gus keeps running them and I love it.

Aesthetics: 5/5. Prince Tega kicking a defensive back out of the game is my all-time favorite part of this beautiful play. He almost didn’t need to touch anyone, but he decided to plant the tiny guy he saw out of bounds. It’s the little things, y’all.

Total: 20/20 FLAWLESS VICTORY

Importance: 1/5. This game was long over and this was the dollop of sour cream on 10-pounds of nachos

Hilarity: 5/5. Purdue got scored on by a DL named Big Kat after its QB’s pass traveled more yards backwards than forwards. Hilarious.

Pettiness: 1/5. Gus didn’t call this play. If he did, he should call it every time. If we find out he has the ability to call this play and isn’t, I’ll be peeved.

Aesthetics: 5/5. Big Guy Touchdown AUTO-5/5 ENGAGED

Total: 12/10

Importance: 1/5. This is the point in the game in which it became cleansing to me.

Hilarity: 3/5. I mean the scoreboard itself was funny at this point.

Pettiness: 2/5. I don’t think Gus was exorcising any demons with this TD, otherwise it would have been higher. Had this been out of the Wildcat, you better believe it would be a 6/5.

Aesthetics: 5/5. I like watching Anthony Schwartz run.

Total: 11/20

Importance: 3/5. Important because now we were in record-breaking territory and Gus knew it. Him going for the record is important because it shows his supreme confidence in picking up meaningless stats and wins, something people really want him to do.

Hilarity: 5/5. Bombs are funny. And THEY STILL AREN’T DOUBLE-TEAMING SLAYTON. LOL. The Safety over the top comes to help at a speed usually reserved for icebergs. Slayton caught what felt like -9 deep balls this season and in this one game he caught two beautiful ones. Stidham to Slayton was back BABY!

Pettiness: 5/5. Gus is my DOG. Throwing a bomb up 42 in the first half is savage.

Aesthetics: 5/5. Jarrett throws an artistic deep ball.

Total: 18/20.

Importance: 5/5. Ryan Davis had 0 touchdowns going into this game, and that is criminal. This touchdown righted a wrong. It solved an injustice. It gave the world meaning.

Hilarity: 3/5. Number 41 in white basically knows the play and still misses the tackle enough for Ryan to get 6. That’s funny to me. Also THIS Auburn team scored 63 points in a bowl game and that is hysterical.

Pettiness: 3/5. Had Auburn scored again, thus proving that Gus was going for an all-time record, this would have been higher. Instead, I think he was trying to get Davis a score, and that’s admirable. Unless you’re the linebacker who gets kneecapped by Chandler Cox. I’m sure he was tired of Auburn at this point.

Aesthetics: 3/5. Not the greatest looking play, but not ugly by any means.

Total: 14/15 Booms

Most teams don’t waltz into the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl and expect to drop a sixty-burger. Auburn had a game for the ages and I am glad to have watched every play of the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl. I’m sad the season is over, but I think we can all take solace that the Vested Vendetta is back on the sidelines calling the GoodPlays and running out of bubble gum.

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