#what do we gain by gatekeepinh emotional experiences. by telling people they are too young to experience what they already do?
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neverendingford · 1 year ago
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#watched Can Me By Your Name and have so many thoughts and I scroll through my contacts and no one to speak them to#so many ears and none would hear my words in a way that matters#so I speak. knowing no one will hear. I speak. knowing no one will listen. better to know it will be ignored then hope against hope#human longing. heart hurt. knowing you share a moment. knowing that moment will pass. hoping it won't.#we speak about the harm of broaching a topic too early. derailed development and all that.#what about broaching it too late? picking the fruit when it has over ripened.#what do we gain by gatekeepinh emotional experiences. by telling people they are too young to experience what they already do?#to have parents who watch you struggle and explore and they step back and allow you to do so.#knowing that they have built a trust that you will hold onto even while in untested waters#what is it like? having parents secure enough to allow you to discover on your own?#what is it like to find someone with whom you share such a connection? even for a moment.#we hurt. we sit alone. we hope someone will sit next to us. we fear someone sitting next to us#and when you do make a connection.. everything in life conspires to pull you into another stream#I think I hate Timothee Chalamet because of what I connect to myself.#the traits that I have in common. viewed entirely masculine. I think it makes me insecure.#I see him and I fear others see me the same way. I got compared to some tech bro yesterday and I hurt to hear those words#to be viewed as someone else instead of myself#to be seen through a lens which does not represent my essence truthfully#translated into a language that has no word for me. I want to be understood in a system that will never represent me.#forever alien. something outside the world I live in.#I dissociated so hard a week ago and I have not recovered. the sense of alienation has not gone away because it is still here#I need to find queer community I need to find queer community I need to find queer community I need to find queer community
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