#what do u mean it didnt die yet and it dies in august.

[allyougottado]

day 3 of my new sideblog: i am running out of drawings!!!!! HELP ME

[tumblunni]

WHY CAN I NEVER SLEEP WHEN I NEED TO SLEEEEEEP

aaa i’ve been really ill and i didnt get enough sleep yesterday and last week so i really need to take a good ol afternoon nap here i mean why the fuck did i even oversleep til 3pm?? i need to get back to sleep cos i’m still Totally Dying Here

but then AAAAAAAAAA I just got an email from the Re:Legend team!! that really cool game I kickstarted backed for like £700!! They’re opening the mailbox for people’s entries who bought the design a monster tier, and it doesnt say when the deadline is and AAAA I basically did nothing towards designing my monster since last august aaaaa i forgot about it cos there was such a long break between the kickstarter ending and now...

so like FUCK should I just buy a bunch of Monster Energy and try and blitz draw as fast as I can?? I’m already dizzy from sleep deprivation but i mean i cant get to sleep anyway now that im so excited for this!! I can be awake and tired and unable to draw good or i can be awake and buzzed as fuck and dying but DRAWING SWEET MONSTROS

also i also have to design an npc and a weapon aaaa and they say ‘make your anime you to have a place in the game!’ but like.. I literally cannot make a me cos yknow Gender. I don’t know if they’d accept a nonbinary character, or like.. if I’d have the same situation as poor Corlal from Summon Night and get turned male in the dub because ‘its easier’ >_> I just know that the game’s team was talking about how they probably won’t be able to give an answer on whether gay marriage options will be in the game until much later in development. They want to do it but gay marriage isn’t legalized yet in the country the game is being made in, and they’re being published by square enix so we also dunno how much impact they’d have on changing stuff in the game. So yeah I wanted to maybe just make a random npc to fit into the universe instead. But my first idea was ‘gay blacksmith man who loves you’ so EVIDENTELLY I AM NO GOOD AT THIS (i might put him in one of my own projects tho lol, he has a really cool tattoos! his personality is a bit too similar to Blair tho so maybe not in my big dating sim idea. Or maybe I could give blair his tattoos??) And then AAAA they already have a really cool grandpa that I cannot defeat :( look at this grandpa u guys

he’s the mayor and he’s cool and i am very excited to learn more about his personality and stuff cos he looks very silly! HE’S A VENTRILOQUIST WITH AN OWL AND HE ALSO LOOKS LIKE ONE

also this is my current fave of the revealed monsters

and this is my second fave

and this is my third fave

and these are all the cool weapon types and seriously I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DESIGN AAA SHOULD I MAKE ONE OF EACH???

(also greatsword, dual blade, bow and magic staff which were the first revealed and don’t have a fancy splash image)

and just generally AAAAA dis game AAAA I dont wanna miss the deadline and not get a chance to leave a mark on it but also AAAA I don;t know how to draw like fifty things in a week and not have them look terrible and especially if i’m wasting half that week on recovering from illness! SO yeah FUCK U BRAIN AND GOOD HEALTHFULNESS i’m gonna go buy way too many energy drinks and Die

brb lol

...

OH OH OH ONE THING BEFORE I GO, DUH, OMG

here’s a refresher on my monster design so far its name is sombul and it is a sleepy peep WHICH IS IRONIC COS IM GONNA GO INSOMNIAC TO FINISH IT

not sure which colourscheme is better

possible idea if the backer monsters are allowed to have breedable colours/patterns like the regular monsters are

kinda shitty scribbles of a prevolution maybe??

cos the reason I’m so AAAA right now is that we have to have a three stage evo line and i don’t know what else to give it? I had a vague idea for a final form but no clue what to go in-between, so then i was thinking maybe this is the in-between and it has a baby form but i couldnt think of any designs that weren’t just the same thing but smaller T_T final form idea is like a big spoopy four armed ghost knight with an aesthetic similar to NiGHTS but buff? but it’d still be the same scaredy cat sleepy hug monster, it just evolved to look scary so people will leave it alone XD maybe name it Lucidfer or something else thats a pun on awake? or man i don’t know if I’d be allowed to make it a two stage evo??? or a branching one so its still three monsters but in a different order?? I may as well design all of these ideas and be like ‘pick whichever one fits the game best’, i guess? MAKE MORE WORK FOR YOURSELF, BUNNI, THATS A SMART IDEA

aaaa now i will go shove caffeine in my face and die brbrbrbbrbbbbb

[fairywings]

long post sorry

tagged by: @rosecolouredgirls  thank u this is fun

tagging: uhhh @horrorgenre @ashietoashes @furbygf @spitacid​

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag others!

the last

1. drink: uhh i was at a party last night and the last drink i had was a smirnoff ice sangria it was v good highly recommend  2. phone call: my dad 3. text message: to my boyfriend: “have you watched white gold” bc i just started it on netflix and i like it ed westwick is my mcm 4. song you listened to: i was listening to a whole atmospheric acoustic playlist uhh but the only one i remember from it is drown by marika hackman it’s beautiful 5. time you cried: uhhh i havent cried in a while actually? so idk not sure 6. dated someone twice: nooooo but thats not. uncharacteristic of me. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no i’ve only kissed ppl i’ve been in a relationship with lol 8. been cheated on: no thank god my fragile heart couldnt take it 9. lost someone special: hmmm i mean i kinda lost most of my childhood friends bc we dont go to the same school anymore so we lost touch but its ok i made a bunch of new friends :) 10. been depressed: undiagnosed but. every late fall/winter i’m Very down 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: havent thrown up yet i always try and b careful dont wanna disappoint my momma but i went to a party in june and i hate beer so much i had to down some and Almost threw up

3 favourite colours

12. (wine) red 13. periwinkle 14. millennial pink lmao

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yea :)) 16. fallen out of love: yes i didnt like it at all 17. laughed until you cried: i always laugh until i cry 18. found out someone was talking about you: yea when my ex broke up w me all the bitches in my grade were talking abt me whatever 19. met someone who changed you: uhhhh not this year i dont think 20. found out who your friends are: honestly all my friends r Good and im forever thankful 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: uh i mean yeah my ex and my current bf r both my friends on fb

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most like at least 80% 23. do you have any pets: nah im allergic to the entire world 24. do you want to change your name: no marie’s cute i like it and my mom Loves it she says its the most beautiful name in the world i would break her heart if i did change it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: a had a sleepover w my closest friends at my place and we did a picture scavenger hunt in my neighbourhood and watched movies and did each other’s makeup it was so fun 26. what time did you wake up: 10 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: drinking a smirnoff sangria and having a good time at a party and watching my bf getting absolutely Plastered and taking 3 shots of vodka in a row 28. name something you can’t wait for: summer hfhsfdhlf 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: twenty? minutes ago? idk we just watched hidden figures together 31. what are you listening to right now: by night - puzzle muteson 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: uhhh yeah i’m friends w a thomas and a tomas they r both great thomas’s is nickname is his last name but tomas’s nickname is tom so yeah he’s my tom he’s a very friendly guy we went to chinatown together once and had wonton soup 33. something that is getting on your nerves: school lol 34. most visited website: tumblr netflix n youtube 35. hair colour: brown. its a nice brown tho. natural highlights and everything 36. long or short hair: uhh shoulder length 37. do you have a crush on someone: i kinda uh like my bf 38. what do you like about yourself: my appearance i am very vain 39. piercings: i mean.. ears 40. blood type: who knows 41. nickname: i dont have one sadly marie is Short Enough but i have one friend who likes calling me marijuana  42. relationship status: in a relationship w a guy named miles 43. zodiac: scorpio 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: shameless 46. tattoos: none But I Want One 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: nah 50. sport: swimming and alpine skiing and uh sometimes i run lol 51. vacation: i’ve been a few places mostly in the caribbean and around the states i went to san francisco in august and saint lucia in january and im going somewhere this winter but idk where yet 52. pair of trainers: uhh i guess i wear my stan smiths all the time? not sure what this question means lmao

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: i had ice cream a while ago 54. drinking: water 55. I’m about to: watch ted talks on youtube and watch personal shopper on netflix later maybe 56. waiting for: someone to answer my fucking texts lmao 57. want: hot chocolate 58. get married: i’d love to get married 59. career: im an unemployed student but im gonna b looking for a job soon a starbucks just opened near my house but im waiting to turn 16

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: both r so great in their own way. cant choose. 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: taller lol i’d die for all tall people 63. older or younger: a little older is always nice. miles is a few months younger than me tho but its all the same and im p much the oldest in my year anyways 64. nice arms or nice stomach: uhh arms 65. hook up or relationship: relationship definitely 66. troublemaker or hesitant: i like a balanced middle

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: dont wear em 70. turned someone down: uh like romantically? kinda? but not directly. i didnt tell him no i just got in a relationship with someone else 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: havent had the chance 73. had your heart broken: yea. 74. been arrested: no i am too scared to do anything illegal 75. cried when someone died: yea a guy at my school killed himself last yr and i cried a Lot  76. fallen for a friend: yeah lol im dating my best friend rn

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself:  not really 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: sure 80. santa claus: no my mom told me he was a lie when i was 4 and complaining about how he didnt get me everything on my list 81. kiss on the first date: yeah so far always have 82. angels: no but its a pleasant concept

OTHER:

84. eye colour: brown 85. favourite movie: fight club or mamma mia!

[hyun-seong]

Hey I can see you’re alive lol. Have your days been alright like better than before? You can ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I have been doing. I just got out of ‘long’ shower and noticed you when I open the app. Tbh I’ve been feeling depressed and like there’s no one who could help me get distracted and make me laugh since last month otl. Well there was my best friends but something happen so yeah. I’ve been feeling tired of living this world for four years haha. It okay because (1/2)

 It’s okay since I have some male groups I like and help me forget living this world just little bit 

TW SUicide on this one fellas

MY DAYS have been a little better, my mom gets more and more healed every day even if its slow or a little bit, I am tired because I have to irrigate her tubing every six hours aND IM BAD AT SLEEPING so i lose time not sleeping and then trying to sleep but my body is adjusting so thats good lmao I WAS ACTUALLY doing really badly until last night if im being honest, the stress was getting to me and i was angry that not only did i have to do this mostly by myself but that i also had to deal with my grandmother breathing down my back PRETENDING to help, i was changing her stoma bag and I was taught how to do this, she wasnt, she really had no business trying to dictate what to do and she didnt know what half the things i was doing were for so im trying basically to add binding powder in the area between her skin and her intestine and im about to pour it in and shes like “Dont do that yet” and like tries to dislodge something that just...isnt ready to come out...AND I WAS THINKING IN MY HEAD...MCSCUSE ME BITCH THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW....IF YOU WANTED TO be in the way so bad why didnt you learn from one of the nurses who was like ALWAYS in there you blew your chance....and then my poor mother was saying how she felt so bad i had to do this and i was trying to tell her look youre my mother i really dont mind and im trying to console her and my grandma cuts me off to tell her that she doesnt mind like WHAT....WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT MIND?? WHAT DO YOU DO BUT LAUNDRY EVERY SO OFTEN?? TF??? SHE WASNT TALKING TO YOU.....LEAVE....god i was livid....and then the home nurse who comes every three days to change her bandages was supposed to arrive at 7pm so 6pm comes around and my grandma is like trying to find her business card to call and bother her and im like?? wait until 7 and call if she doesnt show?? and shes like BUT SHE SAID...SHED CALL AND CONFIRM...and my dads like “mom just wait for a bit” and she goes like “OH OK i wont call, I guess im the only one who CARES” and im like WHAT THE FUCK....................... and hes just like “she said shes coming at 7 and would call if she needed to go at a different time” and that shut her up....the gall....the goddamn gall...the sheer audacity......to imply i dont care.....when the bags under my eyes have BAGS and she sleeps a solid 12 hours a night LIKE SORRY I HAVE FAITH IN A PAID PROFESSIONAL...

BUUUT in the middle of the night my boyfriend sends me a message (THIS IS BG INFO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP UNTIL YOU SEE !!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U WANT) and as you might know hes been living in Seattle since august but flew down for a month to be here during my moms surgery, so hes been saying stuff like oh we can do this, lets do this, or we will do this next time AND STUFF like that and im thinking to myself when the fuck do you think we have the time to do this stuff you have to go back at the end of the month.....but it was nice to hear so i didnt challenge the statements hahaha because it was hard since we met in may 2016  but IT FEELS LIKE...A CENTURY ive known him.  I remember like a couple months ago he was like man i cant believe its already been two years AND IM LIKE IT HASNT...IT REALLY HASNT.........ITS NOT EVEN 1.5.....and we were both like..........what the fuck??? and its because...we never got to do the fun things, we met, had a good few dates and then Life Happened™ the way it tends to about 5 months after we met, and he said basically I have to move to Seattle because I am inheriting a restaurant and I don’t think there’s ever going to be a person like you again and i wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend and was waiting for the right time and i think i should start fresh and you should find someone who can give you the time you deserve, it sounded like a sacrifice and it was ridiculous to me because time with anyone else met nothing to me, it wasnt what i wanted, and i cried for DAYS just nonstop crying, and I always thought movies were overreacting but it feels like you’re legitimately dying, and to me it hurt worse because he liked me, it would have hurt less if he just didnt like me, that I could get over, but youre always taught love prevails so it felt like such a blindside when it doesn’t, but there was something in me, this nagging feeling like I am not going to leave him alone, LIKE IF HE STOPS ANSWERING my texts messages I will respect that IM NOT GOING TO BE LIKE...........STAY WITH ME IF U DONT WANT TO..... but I will pull for him as long as I can because thats what i felt was right, and not to toot my own horn but im not usually wrong when my brain nags me about something

so 2017 starts and i invite him every possible place I can, he took forever to reply to my texts but he would....eventually....we spent our birthdays together, we went thrift shopping, went to the zoo, and i never touched him but to shake his hand goodbye until my birthday where he held his arms out to hug me. The zoo was the last time I saw him before he moved and this was August 2017 and we were watching the gorillas and i love apes and monkeys haha so we were sitting on the bench in the back cos i had to be there for a bit and he held his hand out for me to hold it and i was so happy sitting there looking at apes holding his hand and i felt him squeeze it, I don’t know if he knew I’d notice but I did, and I thought to myself “I would die for this” because it was the only thing I stood to lose in this world and I would let it kill me

SO HE moves at the end of August and since he took so long moving the restaurant with to his other aunt and im a miserable son of a bitch and the whole time im concocting a plan to make it work but im not allowed where hes staying because im white so IM NOT WELCOME LOL....and he wasnt being paid for his work so its not like we could rent somewhere and i have a bad income myself lol it just seemed so impossible, and he said im so sorry i had been distant to you for that time, the idea of being away from you hurt so much and i knew in the end i would be separated from you and nothing was going to change it but you showed since day one unconditional love and youve told me how much you loved me in so many ways without ever saying it and it made me realize my past relationships had been wrong the whole time and I knew it because...my brain nagged me and told me but it was still such a relief to hear and when he came down for the fake christmas we had to throw before moms surgery we actually got to be like a normal couple haha...but it hurt because I knew I just had to say goodbye again

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so anyways last night I get a message saying my brother says if I clean up the house and live her permanently, I can get a cat, and I really want to get a cat and it just...now when I am stressed I think about it, I get to keep him haha, you know he never did actually ask me to be his girlfriend, hes the type who wouldn't want to create in me obligation if he couldn't provide for me,  NOT THAT i ever mind, but its like maybe its redundant at this point who knows haha and he still inherits that restaurant heaven forbid his other aunt dies, but then well....I’ll be allowed in the house.......... SO LIFE...CAN get better in like the BLINK of an eye, sometimes the greatest gifts will fall in your lap to keep you through the hardest of times, so thats why when I never asked him why he was so hopeful for a future of us because I never wanted him to stop talking like that, because it was something I had never gotten to hear until this month and now I know why 

BUT I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND I WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH

that makes me laugh 

but really you’re not alone, you are a great great friend to me, and I know that me even saying that might not even help, myself, my mother, my boyfriend and my bestfriend are heavily depressed you know I can vouch it runs in my family pretty deep, and when one suggests suicide one has to come in and say ....NO NO NOW BAD IDEA...its like we just stay alive to make sure the others stay alive because you want them to live, its a sad sad cycle but its kept us alive...barely...theres been close calls with all of us lmfao and its kinda hard to worry about keeping 4 ppl alive...but we are still so THATS GOTTA COUNT

 and its okay to not be okay, but you arent wrong or bad or broken and you are definitely not a burden especially on the days where mustering a grin is impossible, anyone expecting you to be happy all the time only wants the joyous you, and in that case they dont deserve the joyous you anyways

HEY WHATEVER keeps you going as little and as dumb as it may seem or sound, it isn’t, I remember I would only get out of bed because I told myself “I have to wash my face” AND ITS GOOD you have these groups to keep you afloat and if you’re looking for some good laughs I suggest watching Cow Chop because they make me laugh every day anD ITS NICE...theyre fucking funny haha 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT3myJSvQlU&list=PLh9wof0uUEewSqGIiU1cLB0o-9VpcDqZl&index=38

i recommend starting with these videos and amazon primetime because it will acclimate you to the main two who make up cow chop and i linked you to one of my favs I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM unless you already know them I STILL HOPE YU LIKE THEM

that being said youre doing well, you’re doing very well and I am sorry its hurting because its a terrible feeling and it doesnt go away, it probably never does end altogether as small as you may be able to push it down thats why I want to make sure when the boygroups disband you have something, I dont want to risk a shock to the system when you wake up and go WHAT DO I HAVE...I HAVE NOTHING....ITS NOT LIKELY because interests do change and you do find things but to make sure that doesnt happen all I can really do is offer you my unwavering support and love, any method of contact thats good for you is good for me IDK WHY MY TUMblr didnt show i had messages for like two days but yours actually dinged on my phone which is how i sAW I HAD SOME.... so hopefully they ding on my phone still and i will be able to get to you ASAP but if you need my facebook for messenger or my number so i can be there quicker you can also send me a dm and ill get you those AND IF YOU CAN try and do something small for the you in the future, I know its hard to think about future you when present you doesnt even wanna exist BUT future you is coming and they will thank you, I screwed my future self over so many times and now present me is like youre a real dumbfuck so LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES LOL but forgetting i guess is good, I GUESS...cos its what i do like im happy until i remember then im like ah...yes..BUT THEN im worried its avoiding the problem so IDK if thats healthy or not BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO....ill let you know if i know

ANYWAYS good luck, I am rooting for you, I love you so dearly and I care so much about you and I hope one day I get a message saying im happy im here