#what am i saying its like 11:00 pm for me

[kavalyera]

do u ever think the kindred on shrecknet have a tier list of the hottest princes

[aliteralsemicolon]

3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes

When Spencer doesn’t call at midnight on your birthday like he usually does, you believe he truly wants nothing to do with you because of your fight a few days prior. Until there are two FBI agents knocking on your door, neither of which are your apparently missing boyfriend. 

Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader

DISCLAIMER This story is SFW but mentions strong themes. It is intended for mature audiences only.  You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read. 

WARNING: Mentions of kidnapping, injuries & vague description of panic attack. Proceed at your own risk. 

Word count: 8.6K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers. 

11:57 PM

Eyes trained on the long red hand, you watch as the minutes spin around the clock hanging on the otherwise-empty wall. A century could’ve passed between the last minute and now. It sure as hell feels like it. 

11:58 PM

The movie meant to keep your mind from replaying the events from a few days ago failed its purpose before you even turned on the T.V. If the time between every minute was a century, then the last time you heard from him must have been an eternity ago. When was the last time you heard from him anyway?

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t even bear to look at your face right now.”

In all your time together, Spencer had never once raised his voice at you. The fact remained even during your worst fight yet. God, how you wished he had yelled at you. Maybe then he would’ve needed less time away from you. 

“Yeah? I don’t want to be near you anyway. Not when you’re being like this!”

He was unfair. So were you. Surely neither of you truly meant what was said. You wanted to be near him so, so badly. Did he really not want to see you anymore? He must not, or Spencer would have returned at least one of the twenty four calls he ignored. 

11:59 PM

It was well-intentioned on your part. The migraines were most likely psychosomatic. Otherwise the MRI scans would’ve picked up on the issue. 

“You think I’m crazy? I am not crazy!”

“Spencer, I’m not implying that you are! I’m saying that it’s probably stress induced-”

“No! No. That’s not what you really think, is it? Go on, say what you really mean.”

“GOD SPENCER! You think that just because your mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, I think you must be one too? You’re completely reaching! You just don’t want to deal with the reality that maybe it is all just in your head!”

12:00 AM

Perhaps he did mean what he said. He’d still call though, right? If not to return one of your voicemails then to wish you a happy birthday? After everything the two of you shared together he should at least call today. 

“Leave. Please.”

“Spencer..”

“Stop. Please. Leave.”

“Wait Spence-”

Unsure of how much longer you could hold out, you uncurl from your fetal position on the sofa and reach over for your phone. Vision peeling from the wall-clock and redirecting to the photo on your lockscreen. How beautiful he looked adorned on your screen. Then again, he always looked beautiful. 

12:31 AM

‘Twelve thirty one’ read the time on your screen. The first thirty one minutes of your birthday were spent replaying exactly what you wanted to avoid. He must’ve fallen asleep. He would never intentionally miss his tradition of wishing you a happy birthday, 12AM, on the dot. “That was before you ruined everything”, your mind began. “You ruined everything”, it repeats over and over in a mantra. 

“He hates me. He would’ve called if he didn’t.” a whisper only for yourself to hear. Minutes passing you by once more as you begin your spiral into doubt and self-hatred. Tears completely stain your skin, clothes, the blanket hugging your legs. Your vision is too blurred to notice it. What you do notice is that you can not breathe. Shit. You can not breathe. 

“Five things” You can almost hear his voice whisper into your mind. “Five things”, you repeat aloud.

“Five things you can see.” As his voice begins to guide, your eyes frantically wander. “The blanket on my lap. My hands curled on top of it. The coffee table in front of me. The T.V playing across from me. The wall-clock hanging just above on the wall behind.”

“Four things you can touch” Not waiting a second before answering to the thought of his voice: “The cushion next to me. The couch beneath me. The sweatshirt I’m wearing. The rings on my fingers.”

“Three things you can hear” Tuning your focus on the sounds around you continue, “The T.V playing. The cars passing by outside. That stupid wall-clock ticking.”

“Two things you can smell” This one was always your least favourite because you had to think the hardest. You could hardly breathe a minute ago and your nose is clogged. How can you smell anything? “I can’t smell anything. I can never smell anything.”

“That’s okay. It’s okay. Just tell me one thing you can taste” . His voice was engraved in your brain. You probably couldn’t forget it if you tried. “Salt.”

Shoulders slumping into your body, you wipe the tears clouding your line of sight and dare to look up at the clock once again. If it could speak it would probably taunt you for your pathetic state. 

12:56 AM

You barely make out the time as your eyes begin to cloud again. At least you can breathe normally now. Except your head is throbbing, your eyes are sore and you’re so tired. Sinking back into your previous fetal position, you feel your body give out. As you drift off, you make one final plea for your sanity: “He probably just fell asleep. He’ll call when he wakes up.”

The pounding headache was bad enough, but the rapid pounding against your door made you want to shout violently. As if your body was now on auto-pilot, you attempt to jump up from your position on the sofa - only to not so gracefully trip over your blanket and almost face plant into the coffee table. “Fuck-AH-bitch”, you grumble just as you manage to catch yourself. “I’m coming in just a minute!” Yelling for the very impatient recipient at the other side of your door. You quickly give the clock a glance before making your way to the hallway mirror. 

2:07 PM

You aren’t vain, you’re just a decent enough human to save the person outside your apartment a jumpscare from your post-ugly-crying state. When you stood in front of the mirror and actually saw yourself for the first time today, you didn’t believe there was anything you could do to save that person. That person could be Spencer. So you gave it an attempt, regardless, quickly brushing your hair out with your fingers and wiping the dried tears from your face. Finally shuffling to the door, you take a deep breath as you unlock it. He probably just showed up instead of calling. At least that’s what you wanted to believe.

“Oh. Derek? JJ?”, instead you find two of his friends and FBI profilers, who definitely caught the disappointment in your voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey Pretty Girl. Any chance Pretty Boy is somewhere behind you?” Morgan asks, slightly concerned by your poorly concealed state.

“Hi, sorry, no, he’s not here.” You blurt out as you make eye contact with your nosy neighbour passing by. You consider inviting the agents inside for privacy, but remember that your living room shares the same messy look as you and abort that thought. 

“Can we come inside?” JJ asks for you, also noticing the unwanted eavesdropper.

“Um, sure”,  you hesitate, clearly embarrassed. “Excuse the mess, I wasn’t expecting company.” The agents share a look that you miss and follow behind as you quickly begin to tidy up a little. 

“Hey, are you okay?” JJ follows up. 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Why are you looking for Spencer here?” You were deflecting. She definitely knew that you were deflecting, but didn’t push further and for that you were grateful.

“He’s not at work and he’s not picking up his cell. So we thought he might be with you.” Morgan answers you, taking a quick glance around. 

“When did you last talk to him?” JJ cuts in.

“Uh, two days ago I think?” Your breath hitches at your first reminder of the fight you had. 

“Two days?” JJ’s brows furrow in a questioning manner towards Morgan, who looks just as confused. “Are you sure?” He chimes in, not waiting for your reply before he dials a number on his phone and rushes off towards your kitchen. 

“Yes, I’m sure…” your eyes follow him as he disappears and quickly snap your attention back towards the blonde woman in front of you. “JJ what’s going on?” 

“Exactly what time did you last see him?” She ignores your question. The slight panic in her voice is contagious and begins to shift into you. “Well I don’t know the exact time, but I’d guess some time just before midnight? When did you last see him?” 

Before she can answer, Morgan calls your name as he walks back in. “Get dressed. You’re gonna need to come back to The Bureau with us.” 

“The Bureau? Okay, seriously guys, what’s going on?” 

“I’ll explain later. JJ and I are gonna wait here while you get dressed okay?” His tone was assertive. 

“No, you’re going to explain right now actually, what the fuck is going on?” But you were too worried to care about his tone. 

He took a deep breath, clearly frustrated. “Spencer’s been missing for two days. ” Realisation spreads across JJ’s face as she puts the pieces together, “ And I think you might’ve been the last person to see him.”

3:42 PM. 

You were currently sitting alone in one of the interview rooms at the FBI Headquarters, phone in hand, repeatedly checking the time. Morgan and JJ gave you time to clean up and get dressed before leaving your apartment. None of you uttered a single word on your way here and JJ led you into this room, telling you to get comfortable and to let her know if you needed anything. 

Somebody was supposed to come in and interview you, but you had been waiting for at least twenty minutes now. The room itself was mostly empty, except for two muted couches in the middle facing each other, separated by a small table. An old rug laid under the setting and a couple of stock pictures were hung on the walls. You had taken JJ’s invitation and claimed a spot in the corner seat of one of the couches, facing the door, but sitting as far away from it as you could. 

The air conditioner was set at room temperature but everything felt cold. Spencer was missing and you were definitely the last person to see him. You felt like the worst person in the world right now. The man that you loved more than anything in the world was missing and the last thing you ever said to him was that you didn’t want to be around him. 

What did missing even mean in this situation? Did he just decide to up and disappear? That would be believable if he was anybody else, but this was Spencer. He would still say goodbye to his friends before leaving. Friends who were also his coworkers. Coworkers at his extremely dangerous job. If Spencer was missing then it wasn’t because he chose to be. Which means that there’s a strong possibility that he’s really hurt, or dead.

Your mind was filled with so many concerns and had you not heard the door handle click, you probably would’ve driven yourself into another panic attack. A raven-haired woman walks into the room and takes a seat opposite to you on the couch across yours. 

“Emily!” 

“Hey, how are you holding up?” 

“Have you found Spencer? Is he okay-” The questions begin piling out of you.

“Woah, take a deep breath okay.” She cuts off your worrisome ramble before it begins. 

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” You cry out in frustration before catching your tone. You take a short, deep breath and continue, “I’m sorry. I’m just really worried okay. I’ve been here for god knows how long and nobody will tell me anything and I just really need to know if Spencer’s okay.”

Emily slightly tilts her head as she looks at you, slightly narrowing her eyes in sympathy. “It’s okay, I understand. You feel really isolated right now because you don’t know what’s going on,” she leans in a little “but the truth is, we don’t entirely know what’s going on either. All we know is that Spencer hasn’t been to work in two days and you were the last person to see him.”

You stare back at her with an apologetic look and the two of you share a brief silence of understanding. As worried as you were right now, you had to remember that Emily and everybody else in the BAU were also extremely worried. You nodded, not saying anything.

“I need you to tell me about the last time you saw him." She’s the first to break the silence.

Instead of simply responding, you stare at her blankly. You opened your mouth to speak, but no sound would come out. It was like you physically couldn’t respond. You couldn’t even let yourself think about the last time you saw him. The guilt was overbearing, it was pushing tears to well in your eyes. Sighing, you take a gulp and try to get yourself together. Eyes wandering everywhere except towards Emily.

“You okay?” She questions for the second time, giving you the same narrow-eyed look as before, but this time there’s concern behind her eyes.

You try to respond but all you can do is bite the inside of your cheek. Emily’s presence was a welcome distraction from the current situation, until it wasn’t a distraction anymore. She’d unknowingly pushed you back into the headspace you desperately needed to stay out of to keep composed. It wasn’t her fault, you knew she was just doing her job. However, right now you desperately needed her to go away or you were going to completely break down.

Then for the first time in days the universe took pity on you. It leaned into the room in the form of one colourful Penelope Garica, giving you a rushed greeting and ushering Emily out of the room.

“Hey Em, sorry to interrupt, but we need you in the conference room. By that I mean like yesterday.” Garcia turned towards you and squeaked a sad “Good to see you again, I wish it was under different circumstances.” before disappearing. Emily drops a quick “Excuse me” as she gets up and disappears after her.

You knew she would be back. For now, you had time to calm down and you were extremely grateful for that. Taking deep breaths, you check your phone again. There on your screen was Spencer, smiling back at you brightly. You glance at the time again.

4:03 PM

Your eyes instantly land back on his face. They must have stayed staring for a while; before you knew it Emily had re-entered the room. “What’re you doing there?” The sudden interruption from her voice pulled you out of your trance. “Huh? Oh-Sorry, I was just checking the time.” A half-lie. “It’s 4:17.”

No verbal response. Her only response was a look you couldn’t entirely make out as she took a seat in her previous place. “Emily, is everything okay? Did something happen?” 

“I need to tell you something and you need to listen to the full thing, okay? Spencer’s been kidnapped.” She nervously bit her lip as she broke the news to you. “Garcia pulled a recording from a surveillance camera on the street outside your apartment building.”

“What..” You interrupted, unintentionally. “What do you mean kidnapped? Outside my apartment?”

“Look. I won’t lie to you, this is bad. You were the last person to see Spencer and then he’s taken from outside your apartment-”

“Wait a minute, are you telling me that I’m a suspect?” The second time you cut her off, she leans forward and takes your hand in hers. “Listen to me. The whole thing okay? No interruptions.” Her patient tone gives you some comfort. You nod, giving her the go ahead to continue. 

“Now, in normal cases, those closest to the victim would be looked at as initial suspects. But this is not a normal case. You aren’t a suspect but you might be the key in finding him. I’m going to play the recording for you in just a minute and I need you to tell me if you recognise anything. Before I play anything though, we’re going to have to run a cognitive interview and recall your last day with Spencer. I understand that it may be hard, but if you want to help find Spencer, you’re going to have to.”

As your mind processes her words, your hand attempts to close into a fist and squeezes hers. “Emily, I can’t” are the only words you can bring yourself to say.

“Why?” She’s quick to ask in surprise. 

“Because it’s horrible, Emily. The last thing we did was fight. The last thing I told him was that I didn’t want to be around him.” You spit out before you can stop yourself. 

The woman sighs as she mumbles your name, “You can’t possibly blame yourself for this. All couples fight. You couldn’t have known this would happen. I promise you, no matter how bad you think it is, it really cannot be worse than not finding Spencer.”

Her words are blunt, but her voice is empathetic. It’s just what you needed to hear to break out of your ego. “Okay, what do you need?”

“I need you to close your eyes okay. Just listen to the sound of my voice as I guide you.” The brunette instructs. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath. “Think back to that day. What were you doing when you first saw Spencer?”

“We met at our favourite café after he got home from work. He had missed our date the night before and wanted to make it up to me. I was checking the time when I heard him call out my name from behind me.” You begin to recall.

“Okay, you turn around to see him. What’s happening around you? Is it busy?” 

“No, it’s actually really quiet compared to usual. There’s maybe four or five other people here besides us.”

“What was Spencer like? His behaviour, was he acting like he normally does when you’re together?”

“He was pretty normal at first. He just looked tired, more than he usually does. But it wasn’t until we started talking that I noticed that something was off.”

“What was off?”

“He just wasn’t present like he usually was. I could tell that he wasn’t feeling great, so I insisted we go back to his place. It was closer than mine.”

You continued recalling the events of the night. When you turned on the light as you entered his apartment, he hissed slightly. That’s when you realised what was going on. He admitted that his migraines were back after some pushing. You asked him if he’d gone to the doctors and he told you how they’d found nothing again. You sat him down on the couch, got him some painkillers and brewed some tea for him. He began ranting about how there had to be something wrong. That’s when you suggested that the migraines could be stress induced. The two of you began arguing not long after that. 

“Spence, have you, maybe, considered that the migraines are psychosomatic? Probably from all the stress you face at work?”

“What does my job have to do with this? What are you saying?”

“I’m just saying that you have a stressful job. It can take a pretty heavy toll. Stress is a common factor for migraines.”

“No, not like this. I just need to find another doctor. One that can actually help.”

“How many doctors will you see before you finally understand that it’s in your head?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I should have worded that better.”

“You think I’m crazy? I am not crazy!”

“Spencer, I’m not implying that you are! I’m saying that it’s probably stress induced-”

“No! No. That’s not what you really think, is it? Go on, say what you really mean.”

“What? No. That’s not at all what I’m saying.”

“But it’s what you’re thinking”

“No, it’s what you’re thinking, Spencer.”

“Don’t hold back now, just come out and say it.”

“GOD SPENCER! You think that just because your mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, I think you must be one too? You’re completely reaching! You just don’t want to deal with the reality that maybe it is all just in your head! … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“Leave. Please.”

“Spencer..”

“Stop. Please. Leave.”

“Wait Spence-”

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t even bear to look at your face right now.”

“Yeah? I don’t want to be near you anyway. Not when you’re being like this!”

Emily’s hand on your shoulder pulled you out of your head, “Hey, it’s okay. Take a deep breath for me.” And so you do, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Once she’s sure you're calm, she leans back in her seat and continues, “You’re doing great. I need you to go back to the café. Was there anything or any one out of place?” 

You think back. You and Spencer were sitting just by the entrance. There was another couple ordering at the counter. You could smell flowers. Not the nice, light, floral kind of scent. It was the loud, head-ache inducing, overpowering roses kind. It was coming from your left, where there were two old ladies sitting not too far from your table, lost in their own conversation. Behind them, in the far left corner, there was a man sat glaring at Spencer. You couldn’t really see the man that well but, nothing felt out of place. 

“No.” You mumble in disappointment, unable to remember anything out of the ordinary. Wait. The man in the corner. “Yes, yes there’s some guy. He’s barely in my vision, but he was glaring at Spencer. I made eye contact with him once as I entered but I didn’t think anything of it.”

“I need you to really think hard,” Emily urges, “What can you remember about this man? Any distinct details?”

“Um, he was dressed in dark clothing and wearing a beanie. There isn’t really anything that stands out. I’m sorry Emily.”

“No, it’s okay you did great. You can open your eyes now.” You do so, greeted by the sight of Emily across from you fidgeting with the tablet in her lap. “I’m going to show you the recording and I need you to tell me if you recognise anything from it.” 

She passes the tablet over and you click play. It’s a little blurry but you can see Spencer walking on the street outside your apartment building. It looks like he’s making his way over to your place. A man shows up out of, seemingly, nowhere and bumps into him. Spencer appears to become drowsy, unable to coordinate his movement at all. Thirty seconds later, a black van pulls up and that same man from before yanks your boyfriend into the van before it drives off. 

Your stomach drops. “Fuck, Emily! He was right there. He was right outside my apartment. They took him…I should’ve…oh my god..” If you thought you were gonna have a panic attack before, you were in for a heart attack now. 

Emily tries to call your attention using your name as she grabs hold of your hands, “You need to take some more deep breaths okay, panicking now is not going to help.” She’s right. Spencer has already been kidnapped, panicking isn’t going to bring him back. The video replays in your head, you recognise something.

“Wait Emily..the man - that man from the café. That’s the same man. The one who bumped into Spencer. He’s wearing the same clothes and everything. Oh my god, was he following us the whole time?” The realisation seeps through your body and shivers run down your spine. Spencer was being watched the entire time you were together. “Why did they wait? Why didn’t they just take me out and then kidnap Spencer?” 

“I don’t know the answer to that, but you’ve helped a lot. Now I’m going to go and tell the rest of the team what you’ve told me, okay? But you need to stay here.” 

“Why? I can’t just wait here forever, how is that gonna help?” you question. You couldn’t just sit here alone with your thoughts, you needed to get out. 

“Those men that took Spencer, they clearly know about you. This puts you in danger and we don’t know what their plan is. Here is the safest place for you to be. I’m going to send an agent to sit outside that door,” She points at the brown door that serves as the only entry and exit to the room you’re currently in, “His name is Agent Anderson. You tell him if you need anything at all, but you need to stay here. Please.”

You watch her stand up hurriedly and head for the door. You know she’s right. They can’t search for Spencer if they also have to worry about your safety. Getting Spencer back was the most important thing. “Okay.” You agree. “But Emily,” she turns back to look at you from the doorway, “Please bring him back, okay?” 

“We will.” She Promises. It may be an empty promise. There’s no guarantee that he’s even alive, but it's enough to keep you hoping for now. Spencer has to be okay. 

Spencer’s POV

It’s not very often a person finds themselves escaping death’s grasp. The chances of the same person escaping death twice is even less likely. Yet here I am, in the back of an ambulance, on my way to the hospital, having escaped death for the second time in my life. Hopefully, it won't cost me an addiction this time. “Rossi this is ridiculous, I’m fine!” I insisted to the older man next to me, looking over me like a watchdog. I was already aware that my injuries were serious enough to warrant a hospital visit, but I hoped that the EMT’s would ignore that regardless. I need to get back to her, I just want to hold her as soon as possible. “Sir, you need to lie back down” I hear a voice instruct from my right. Then I hear Dave from my left.

“Kid, you are not fine. The sooner we get you to the hospital the sooner you can leave. Now lie back down and let the medics do their job.” How am I supposed to stress the seriousness of the situation in my drugged up state? My girlfriend is in danger! “No Rossi, I need to see that she’s alright, you don’t understand. They got me from right outside her apartment, they know about her!” Why doesn’t he understand? “Reid, relax. She’s been at headquarters since yesterday afternoon. She’s fine. She’ll meet you there, Anderson’s driving her there as we speak.” I have to count on this reassurance for the time being, because I was clearly not getting my way anytime soon. 

Wait yesterday? “No Rossi, that's not right. What day is it? What time?” Guilt surged my veins, did I really miss the most important day of the year? “It’s Friday. Wait no, Saturday now, about uhhh,” he paused “1:43 AM.” No, no, no. “Saturday? She spent her birthday at headquarters? That wasn’t the plan!” I desperately needed to explain something to Rossi, but I couldn’t find the right words. I couldn’t even fully remember what I needed to explain. “Okay, Sir, I’m going to have to inject you with a light dose of tranquillisers if you don’t calm you down.” I hear the voice on my right say. 

“No, don’t touch me! Get away from me! Rossi-” My objections are interrupted by Rossi on the left again “Kid, you’re heavily drugged right now and you’re not making sense. You need to calm down. Just do as the nice lady says.” I’m entirely perplexed. What lady? And where am I right now? I try to make sense of my situation but my senses are suddenly taken over by a strong sense of drowsiness. I feel at peace, but something has to be wrong because I can hear rapid beeping behind me. “Sir, you need to keep your eyes open, do not fall asleep!”

Your POV

Somebody’s hand hesitantly shaking your shoulder wakes you up. You slowly open your eyes to see Agent Anderson crouching in front of you. Before he can get a word in edgewise, you start throwing out questions at the poor man and rush to sit up-right. “Agent? What happened? Did they find him? Is he okay?” The rapid fire of questions knocks your own breath out of your lungs and forces you to pause for a deep breath, allowing Anderson to cut in. “They found him! I’m not entirely sure of his condition, but he’s on his way to the hospital and so is the team. I can drive you so you can meet them there.” He stands up and walks towards the door, holding it open for you.

“Yes! Please! Let’s go!” You don’t even hesitate as you respond, jumping up from your seat and practically running towards the door. The journey from the building, to the car, then to the hospital is another blur. Spencer fills your mind, as usual, while your eyes are fixated on the time displayed on the dashboard. You watch the minutes pass the whole ride. ‘2:13 AM, 2:14 AM, 2:15 AM, 2:16 AM’ and finally as you arrive at the hospital:

2:17 AM

“You head on in, I’m going to park and follow behind you.” Anderson breaks the streak of silence. The car barely comes to a stop before you jump out and make a bee-line for the doors. You probably look like a maniac running up to the reception desk. “Hi Ma’am, how can I help you?” The receptionist asks unfazed, probably used to seeing maniacs like you. “Spencer Reid. That’s the patient's name. Where is Spencer Reid?” You pester urgently. “Just a moment please.” The receptionist smiles as she begins to type on her keyboard. She turns back to you after a few seconds, instructing you on where to go. “Thank you!” You don’t even blink after she’s done speaking and immediately head towards where you're guided. 

As you enter the waiting room, you’re greeted with the faces of his team from the BAU. “Hi! There you are!” Garcia is the first to notice you, coming in for a hug. “Hey, how is he?” you ask hugging back, no time for proper pleasantries. The rest of the team start making their way up to you one by one for a quick greeting too. “We don’t know yet, the doctor should be out soon to let us know.” Derek, the last one to hug you hello, answers. That’s never good to hear, nervousness covering your face. “Don’t lose hope, he’s going to be just fine!” Rossi interjects your train of thought before it can even begin. Damn profilers. Anderson, true to his word, shows up too. 

Feeling slightly ashamed for your rushed behaviour you apologise and thank him for his patience. He assures you that there’s no need and he understands, before Hotch sends Anderson home for the weekend. It seems like everybody in that room takes turns sitting and pacing around. Everyone except you. Your eyes are glued to the clock at the entrance, occasionally making small talk with the others. It’s officially been three excruciating days since you’ve last seen Spencer and even now, as he’s just a few metres away, you’re unable to see him. “Happy belated birthday.” Rossi whispers, taking a seat next to you. You turn to face him, slightly stunned. “Sorry?” 

“I said happy belated birthday.” He repeats. You can only return a puzzled look, unable to muster the common ‘thank you’. “Spencer. He told me, in the ambulance.” He answers your unasked question. A single tear manages to escape your eye before you sniffle and re-adjust to compose yourself. 

“How bad is it?” Your boyfriend's condition is your immediate concern. 

“You know it’s funny,” the old man ignores your question, knowing it’s better to not worry you further, “the whole ride here the kid would not stop going on about needing to be there for you. It’s like he was unable to comprehend anything in regards to himself. And now here I am, talking to you, and it’s like you’re unable to comprehend anything that doesn’t concern him.” He takes an almost dramatic pause so he can look you in the eyes, like he’s trying to pass on an unspoken message. Whatever that message was, you didn’t understand it. 

He knew you didn’t, because he continued, “even in extreme situations like this one, you think about each other before you think of yourselves. You truly love each other. So, whatever happened before this, let it go. Feeling guilty about it won’t help.” With that he got up from his seat and headed towards the vending machine. Damn profilers. You don’t have a chance to linger on his advice for too long before the doctor shows up. “Spencer Reid?”

Everybody gathers almost immediately around the doctor, waiting to be updated. “He’s got a broken rib, minor concussion, a few deep bruises, specifically around the abdomen, and other minor cuts and bruises. Other than that he’s been heavily sedated, but he’s going to be fine. He’ll be knocked out for a couple of hours, but he’ll be just fine. You’re welcome to see him now, but only two at a time please.” Almost immediately as the doctor leaves, the group turns to look at you and JJ pipes up first. “Would you like to go in first?” 

You couldn’t wait to see him before, but now the nerves were getting to you. “No. You guys go in first.” 

“Are you sure?” Emily asks. 

“We’re allowed two at a time, you know.” Derek reminds you.

“Yeah! The rest of us can take turns while you sit with him!” Garcia pipes up, softly.

“No, come on guys. He’s just as important to you as he is me. Besides I’ll be here for a while, the rest of you need to get home. I can see him after.” You reason. 

“Okay. If you insist. But if you change your mind, let us know.” Emily nods, as she begins to head towards Spencer’s room.

You were sitting in the waiting room once more, while the team had taken turns going in and out of Spencer’s room. Eyes trained on the clock, again. 

4:31 AM

Most of the team had headed home by now. You were honestly surprised they stayed as long as they did, knowing how late it was and how exhausted most of them were. The only people left besides you were Derek and Hotch. Jack was away at a sleepover so Hotch decided to stay longer, feeling responsible for Spencer. “What’s going on in that mind, Pretty Girl?” Derek now sat across from you.

“Derek!” you jumped slightly, not expecting him. “Nothings going on. Why? Is Spencer okay?” 

“You know you keep doing that. Deflecting.” He doesn’t let you get away with it this time. 

“I’m not.” You persist. 

“You are. Look, Spencer’s one of my closest friends and by extension you’re also my friend. I’m not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but just know that I am here to listen.” He persists harder.

“Derek, I just…I don’t know what to say. Not just to you, but to him. The last time I saw him, we fought. He said he didn’t want to see me anymore. I know it’s all in my head, but I can’t stop thinking about if he meant it. What if he truly doesn’t want to see me?”

“Woah, woah! Pretty Girl, c’mon. He’s crazy about you, you know that. You’re practically all he ever talks about. I can promise you that no matter how bad you think that fight was, he won’t let it ruin what you have.” The reaffirmations from Emily, Rossi and now Derek were honestly unnecessary. You were a rational person, you already knew everything they’d said to you. The emotions just overpower your rationality at times but hearing those closest to Spencer confirm was how you knew for sure that it’s true. “Thank you, Derek” You responded with a small, but confident smile.

“He’s awake.” Hotch alerts the two of you. FBI training must be heavy on sneak attacks because these fucking profilers had unbelievably light steps. You turn to face the usually monotone man and instead, catch him sporting a relieved smile. He meets your eyes directly as he speaks, “He’s asking for you.” A hopeful huff leaves you as you stand up. “Go get 'em beautiful!” Derek encourages. You thank both him and Hotch, making your way to Spencer's room. You take a deep breath as you approach the door, but before you enter, you make a final note of the time.

4:55 AM

“Hi Angel.” Spencer’s voice weakly acknowledges your arrival in an instant. Your heart feels a mix of hurt and relief at the sight in front of you. His figure’s confined to the gurney and linked with tubes to an IV drip. With every step bringing you closer to him you’re able to make out more of his injuries. Bruises on almost every part of his visible skin, an especially large one covering the surface around his cheekbone, eye and temple. Cuts on his nose, lips, arms - you bite your lip trying to hold back the tears welling you eyes again. “Please say something.” He begs, matching the same pained look as you. 

Rossi’s words were starting to make sense. While you looked at your lover in guilt over his marred state, he looked back at you with guilt for worrying you. “You look like hell.” Maybe not the most sensible thing to say right now, but you didn’t want to cry and worry Spencer further. The poor attempt to lighten the mood showed some success because you earned a light chuckle from your boyfriend. The atmosphere didn’t stay light for long though, the two of you almost instantly falling silent as you stared into his beautiful brown eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

The words fall out from both of you simultaneously. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Angel. You were right and I was being unfair.” Spencer intertwines his fingers with yours, immediately rejecting your apology. “You were,” you agree “but I was also unfair. I shouldn’t have said what I did.” He tries to sit up, wincing from the unanticipated sharp sting. This earns him a soft reprimand from you, reminding him of his broken rib and you instead use the remote to shift the gurney into a position comfortable for him to lean against. “You need to be more careful!” You whine.

“I know, I know. I just, I want to hold you.” He whines back, staring at you with his dangerously powerful puppy eyes. Those eyes were actually dangerous, you had to internally fight yourself to not give in. You opted to meet him half-way and lightly wrapped your arms around his head for a quick hug. “Don’t look at me like that. There will be no holding unless the doctor clears it.” You whispered against his hair before pulling away, not wanting to accidentally hurt him more. “Technically I’m a doctor-” He tries to protest, but you beat him to it. “A medical doctor, Spencer.” 

You pull the chair from behind so you can sit as close to him as possible and take his free hand into yours, holding it tightly. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.” You look at him in disbelief as the words leave his mouth. “Spencer, forget the stupid birthday please! Actually, can we just stop with the apologies? I’m just glad that you’re okay- sort of.” Your eyes scan over his injuries again as you say the last sentence. “Stop. Don’t do that. I’m okay, I promise.” It’s more of a request than anything else. He doesn’t like being ‘babied’ or pitied. “Angel look here.” his fingers guide your face to meet his eyes.

“I’m okay. These will heal, but please don’t give me that look. I know you want to talk about it and we will, later. Right now I just want to talk to you about anything else.”

“I know you do, it’s just hard Spencer. There’s so much to say and I was so worried. I spent three days thinking you hated me. Well, technically, I actually spent two days thinking you hated me and the third losing my mind about-” 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he cups your face gently to cut off your ramble and keeps his same soft, whispery tone, “I know. I too spent the last 3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes regretting the last thing I might have ever said to you was something I never should have said because I was being an ass.” 

“Don’t say that!” You immediately interject, unable to even think about the meaning behind his words. He brushes a strand of hair out of your face, “Shhhh, just listen.” 

“There’s just so much more I have to say. So much more we need to talk about. And right now I just want to talk to you about anything else, even the little things that don’t matter. Especially the things that don’t matter. So please, just tell me about all the pointless things.” His voice cracks slightly at his plea, his gaze connecting so deeply with yours, tears glazing his lashes.

Stupid puppy eyes. There was no fighting against them this time, you gave in. The two of you talked until the medication knocked him out. It was easy like that with Spencer, you never ran out of topics. Nurses went in and out of the room, hours passed by, but you stayed right there next to him. The next few days were spent in the hospital, you only left to get refreshed if somebody from the team was there with Spencer while you were gone. Spencer was asleep most of the time due to the medication. Everybody from the BAU took turns visiting, Garcia always bringing fresh food with her. 

Before Spencer was discharged, the two of you agreed that it would be best for you to stay with him while he recovered. You wanted to be there for him in case he needed anything and he’d take any excuse to have you near him. It was a smart decision overall, because the broken rib rendered Spencer unable to do almost anything on his own. Which is why you were currently watching him bathe, perched on the edge of his bathroom counter, making sure your boyfriend didn’t accidentally hurt himself further. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll be fine.” Spencer insists. “He says, after almost breaking another bone trying to undress by himself earlier.” You snark. 

“I think you’re enjoying this a bit too much.” Amusement surfaces in his voice and it causes you to blush. 

“Careful, handsome, you’re going to work yourself up and end up disappointed.” You successfully fluster him back. The doctor deemed Spencer unfit for any physical activity, much to his dismay. 

“Ughhh,” he groans, dramatically, rolling his head back. “This is so unfai-Ah!” His complaint is cut off by his own shriek while trying to reach the loofah around his back. 

“Shit Spencer!” You panic, hopping off the counter and rushing to his side, grabbing the loofah out of his grasp. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry. I just can’t reach my back, I guess.” 

“That’s literally what I’m here for, dummy. Let me get it.” You shuffle behind him from outside the tub and gently push him forward so you can access his back. 

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to do this.” There’s a slight hint of embarrassment in his voice. 

“Spencer, love, stop. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Plus, I like taking care of you.” It was true. Doing small things to make his life convenient made you happy. 

“It’s not just because it’s embarrassing. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way for me like this, you have better things to spend your time on.” The insecurity in his words makes your heart ache. Reaching your hand around his jaw, you turn his head back towards you as you lean in to meet his eyes. 

“How can I get it through your thick, beautiful, skull that I want to be here? I want to do this. I want to spend my time with you.” You state matter of factly. He searches your face for any hint of insincerity. Unable to find any, he whispers, “Thank you” and leans in to give you a gentle kiss.

“And plus, you did promise we’d make up for the lost 3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes when you got discharged.” You jokingly remind him of his words to you in a conversation you shared at the hospital. He chuckled and kissed you once more.

“I will.” A re-affirmation of his promise. “But this doesn’t count.”

“How so?” You question. “We’re here together aren’t we?”

“Yes, but you deserve more than this.” He declared. “I’m going to make it up to you.”

“Spencer, you don’t have to make anything up to me. We have to make up for lost time.” 

“Let me make it up to you anyway?” He flashes those damn eyes at you again.

“Just get better first okay, then we’ll talk. Plus you owe me a conversation before anything else.” Normally Spencer was the one who’d have to remind you of things, but today it was the other way around. 

“I guess I do.” He sighs in defeat, “Before we do that I have to tell you something.” 

“Yeah?”

“Rossi offered to throw you a party for your birthday and I kind of, maybe, said yes? It was less of an offer and more of a statement if I’m honest, but I thought you’d like it because you’re a huge fan of his books and always wanted to see his mansion. There’s tons of space for your family and friends too and-”

You cut off his speech with a kiss. “That’s wonderful Spencer, thank you. Tell Rossi I said thank you as well.”

“You’re not disappointed? I know you prefer smaller celebrations and originally I had something else planned but given my current state it’s a bit hard to go through with those plans.”

“Of course I’m not disappointed. I’d be happy with anything as long as you’re there.” You flash him a grateful, genuine smile. He kisses you briefly. Then again. And again.

“As much as I love kissing you, we need to get you to bed. Come on.” The two of you share kisses, giggles and loving looks, as you help him out of the tub, dry him off and get him dressed. Making your way over to the bed, you first help him settle in before getting into your side. It’s clear that Spencer doesn’t know where to start. 

“Let’s start with that night.” You take the lead. He takes a deep breath as he begins to recount the events. 

“I felt terrible after you left. I never meant any of it and I just, I am so sorry.”

“I know. I am too.” You reassured your lover, not wanting him to bear guilt over it any longer. 

“I was on your way to your apartment to apologise when I bumped into the unsub. The next thing I knew I couldn’t feel my legs and was being thrown into the back of the van.” He couldn’t offer you more than the basic details, due to the classified nature of his job. The unsub wanted revenge because Spencer was the reason they were caught in the first place. “I’m sorry” is how Spencer finished his re-telling. 

“Sorry? Why are you sorry, that’s not your fault.” A light, confused chuckle escapes your throat as you speak.

“Because, I put you in danger. Because this job puts me in danger, which always puts you in danger by extension. You deserv-”

“Stop. Spencer, stop.” You cut him off, afraid of what he was insinuating. “Stop telling me what I deserve. I knew what your job was when I entered this relationship. Don’t.” Tears threatening to spill from you, your fingers digging into your own flesh to try and stop them. Spencer noticed, gently coaxing your fingers away from your palm as he massaged your hand lightly. 

“Angel look at me.” He almost commands. You begrudgingly meet his eyes, holding your breath as you mentally prepare for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me speech’ you’d heard before from others. “What’s wrong?” He questions, not entirely sure as to why you were crying. For a genius he could be really unaware of his wording sometimes.

“Why do you keep saying that?” You’re unable to hold your tears. 

“Because I want you to know that I’m going to do better from now. To give you the ‘better’ you deserve.” He wipes your tears, still holding on to your hand. 

“Then why does it sound like you’re trying to break up with me right now?” You sniffle, squeezing his hand slightly.

“I must really suck at communicating, because that’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do.” He uses his hand to gently coax your head towards him so he can kiss you. “I want to move in together. With you.”

“You do?”

“Yes. If there’s anything I’ve realised over the past few days, it’s that I really hate being away from you. I hate not being able to see you, hear your voice, feel your touch.” He gives you another kiss. “I am not going anywhere. And I really hope you don’t either. Move in with me?”

You give him a peck. “Yes.” Another peck. “Yes, Spencer, I’ll move in with you.” A deep, longing kiss. You share a few more kisses and then nestle against him. Both of you laughing. 

The next few hours pass with both of you just enjoying being in each other's arms. Gently stroking the others hair, small kisses here and there, ‘I love you’s’ bouncing off from one another. The 3 days, 4 hours and 55 minutes spent worrying you won’t see each other again seem so silly now that you’ve got everyday to look forward to. 

“Angel?” Spencer’s voice lulls you out from your semi-conscious state. “Hm?”

“Thank you.” On the surface it was just a simple sentence, but his intention was deeper than that. It was a show of gratitude for you choosing him. For staying with him through the hard times. 

“Always.” Your promise that you’d do it again.

“Spencer?” You say after a second. 

“Yes my love?” Spencer replies.

“Thank you too.” 

“Always.”

Both of you fall asleep cuddling not long after. There were still a few things that needed to be worked out, but one thing was for sure, you were going to wake up next to the love of your life the next morning and then every morning after that. You’d truly found your forever person in each other. 

Spoilers: Hurt, Angst, Fluff, Comfort, Established Relationship.

AN - First fic I’ve ever written. It’s been in my drafts for so long, I’ve edited it so many times. I hope you didn’t feel too edged because 80% of this is without Spencer scenes (I did and I wrote it).

Feel free to drop helpful criticism, I’m always looking to improve. Remember to stay real and respectful :)

Thank you for reading!

[mattsrod]

- ; CHRIS STURNIOLO ; -

' experimenting ' - requested.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

- ; warnings - use of toys, plot(?), smut, established relationships , mutual masturbation,

- ; 11:13 am

you and chris left the house early this morning before matt and nick had even opened their eyes.

usually, you and chris would sleep later than them considering the nights you had together.

but no, last night you two went to sleep extremely early as your morning plans would require you to.

because in the afternoon while you were at work you received a text from your boyfriend.

and this lead to where you are now.

in a sex shop.

in downtown LA.

at 11:30 in the morning.

- ; 11:28 am

"chris if you get a boner from those sex dolls we are leaving."

"too late."

although he was joking, you still shot him a look.

but he didnt look back.

instead, he was looking at the large array of vibrators infront of you two.

"what are you thinking?" he asked, looking at you attentively.

"of you fucking me with one of these." you turned your head and looked up at him innocently.

"i meant what kind of vibrator are you thinking of getting dumb a-"

"is there anything in specific you two are looking for?" a voice chimed in before chris could finish his retort.

it was a store employee with purple hair and a face adorned with peircings whose name tag read "sapphire"

"im just looking for something to make my girl feel good." chris answered way too casually.

you again, shot him a look, but his eyes were locked onto 'sapphire'

"well, we have a lot of that here!" she laughed awkwardly.

you cracked a smile back.

chris stayed expressionless before saying, "well do you recommend anything for first timers?"

how the fuck is he so casual about this? you thought.

"i think i have just the thing! its on the pricier side.. so let me know if you want something cheaper!"

sapphire then walked to the back of the store where you heard the rustling of boxes.

"damn that bitch talks a lot." you whispered

chris giggled at your remark before the purple haired girl came back with a fairly large box labled: inspiring vibrating wand: powerful vibrations

the box was about a foot tall with a long black well, wand, on the front. it had a bright orange label that had '149.99' on it.

intimated by the large thing, you looked at chris, who was smirking and shaking his head in delight.

"we'll take it." he said like he had done this a million times before.

"alright, perfect! meet me over at the register." sapphire walked over to the counter.

"chris!" you whispered sharply. "thats too expensive!"

you tugged on his hoodie to prevent him from waking over to the counter.

he stopped walking and turned around"hey, anything to make my girl feel good, alright?"

you couldn't help it but get red in the face at this.

you obliged and followed him to the register, thinking about what was to come.

- ; 11:44 am

the ride home was excruciating.

you pressed your thighs together as you thought of how your new item would be used.

"you alright, baby?" chris put his hand on your thigh, not taking his eyes off of the road.

you squirmed impatiently under his touch

"i might have to you the wand on you right when you get home, huh?"

-; 12:00 pm

you entered chris's room and sat on his bed.

chris walked in a few moments later, the box in hand.

he immediately sat down next to you and started opening it up.

he pulled out an instruction manual first, "damn they have a whole instruction manual for this bitch? maybe we shouldve gotten something different.."

you laughed. "it's probably just how to clean it or some shit."

"oh, then we will definitely need that." he looked up at you and smiled, gaining an ego boost after saying that.

you smacked his hand playfully.

then he took out the wand and clicked the button to the highest setting.

the head of it wirred loudly, which startled the both of you.

chris quickly turned it off and laughed, he tried to pretend he wasn't thinking about overstimulating your dripping cunt with it.

but, his manhood gave him away.

"we might just have to use this now." chris said playfully as he discarded the box onto the floor, leaving 6 inches between you and chris.

"but chris" you were cut off by a sloppy kiss on the lips from chris.

he pushed you down on the bed hovering over you, kissing you.

when you finally caught your breath you spoke, "what if matt and nick hear?"

"pfft. they wont be up for at least another 2 hours."

you giggled and resumed sloppily kissing.

lips still interlocked, chris moved to the side so you could take your sweatpants off, and you did the same for him.

the kiss lasted a few more minutes before chris could bear it anymore, and he took his boxers off.

you broke the kiss so you could look at his soaking member.

he stroked it a few times before picking up the wand.

you swallowed, it burned.

he turned it on the second lowest setting and pressed it against your cunt.

"mmh.." you let out a small moan in response.

chris moved the vibrator up and down your clothed pussy.

his cock twitched as he could visibly see how turned on you were by this.

and although you were extremely stimulated by the wand, his aching cock didnt go unnoticed by you.

you grabbed the wand from chris's hand, signaling for him to take off your panties.

he happily obliged to this, taking them off with his teeth, which grazed you as he did so.

he lowered his tounge down onto your pussy, licking it.

you shuddered.

he licked your pussy again, this time with more strength.

he licked again and again and again until he couldnt help himself from sucking.

you moaned loudly.

your hand was getting sore from holding the vibrator, so you brought it down and rested it against chris's leaking tip.

"fuck." he moaned into your pussy, sending vibrations up your core.

this went on for a few more moments until chris's hips started to shudder, and your breathing became more rapid.

chris sat up, taking the vibrator off of its resting place on his dick, and bringing it up to your pussy.

he stroked his cock at the sight of your cunt, and you convulsing.

as much as you were enjoying this, you still wanted to help chris, so you grabbed the base of his cock and moved his own hand off of it, jerking him off.

"oh yeah baby- fuck- just like that" he moaned out as the pace of your strokes increased, focusing on his tip.

you could tell he was getting close.

with he free hand he stuck two fingers into your pussy. curling them perfectly and they explored you.

but with the sight of your boyfriend jerking into your hand, vibrator which was now at the highest setting assaulting your cunt, the feeling you knew all too well crept up on you sooner than expected.

"fuck- chris im cumming!" you screamed, the pleasure washed over your whole body in waves.

you came all over his fingers, the movement of your hand on his cock become sloppy.

this was enough for chris to let out a long moan "shit- me too-"

he came all over your cunt, and the vibrator.

your breathing, although heavy, became synchronized with his.

"i guess we are gonna need that cleaning manual huh?"

--------------------------------------------------------

i have no fucken clue where i got this motivation to write so.. this took me like an hour tff😱

[rachalixie]

hey, i got this ticket? it says “one free cute jisung thought because i said so”. can i cash it in?

a/n: anything for you <3 (gn!reader, jisung fluff, alcohol mention but it's up to you to decide if they have been drinking or not). also i did not proofread this. sorry.

11:59 pm. 

you glance at your phone for a moment, clicking it off and returning your attention to the girl enthusiastically telling a story across the room. and you wait. and wait, for what seems like several minutes. 

you glance at your phone again, and - 

12:00 am. 

how has it only been one minute? your friend, your trusted ride for the evening, was slamming down another glass of wine and giggling into her glass in a way that indicated that she should not be behind the wheel. 

you wanted to go home. you wanted to go home right now, but that meant that you had to walk the three blocks to your apartment alone, at midnight. 

was that a risk you were willing to take? as you looked around the room at the people growing increasingly more drunk by the minute, you decided that yes, you were willing to take it. no one noticed as you walked out of the room into the foyer, your friend didn’t take out her phone when you texted her that you were leaving and that she was not allowed to drive herself home, not a single head turned when you walked out of the door and closed it with a soft click. 

or so you thought. 

you didn’t make it three steps away from the building before you felt a presence behind you, approaching quickly, and you ball your hand into a fist in preparation for an encounter that you really didn’t want to deal with. your hand falls to your side when you realize that it was jisung, your friend and neighbor and, to your embarrassment, the man you were totally head over heels in love with. the man who you spent all evening avoiding, the image of him sitting next to someone else, pressed against their side, burning in your eyes when you close them. the man who was the real reason why you left. 

“where are you going?” he says, slightly breathless from how he had rushed out after you. 

“none of your business,” you quirk an eyebrow up at him, absolutely not endeared by the way his cheeks puff out with the breath he holds in before sighing out. “i’m going home, you can go back. i’m okay.”

“well, let me walk you back,” he matches your stride as you turn back towards the sidewalk. “i was about to leave anyways.”

“why?” a spark of annoyance tingles up your spine and you tamper it down. “you think i can’t defend myself?”

“well, no, i know you can,” his eyes flicker down to your hands for a moment. “but do you want to be in a position where you have to?”

and the truth was, you didn’t. the annoyance fizzles out and you realize that you’re grateful for his presence by your side, a warm welcome against the cool night air. if there was anyone whose company you would never deny, it was his, even if you put on a front. your hands brush against each other’s as you walk in comfortable silence, each touch lighting a fire inside of you. 

he walks on the end of the sidewalk closest to the street, and despite there being no cars out this late you find the gesture sweet. you imagined that if he was wearing a jacket that he would offer it to you - you wished he would offer you his hoodie, if only so you could keep it.

“well,” you rest your hand on the doorknob, sighing at its familiarity after a long day. “this is me.” 

“okay,” he falters, taking a step closer to you and running a hand through his hair. your eyes catch on a vein trailing up his wrist to his hand and you don’t realize you’ve been staring for maybe too long until he clears his throat. “i was wondering - and please let me know if i got the wrong idea but. can i come in?”

“you spent all evening next to someone else,” you’re a little confused, a little more angry, and very caught off-guard. “and now you’re asking to come into my home? what are you playing at?”

“so it worked?” he smiles, a bit bashful as the blood rushes to the top of his cheekbones. “i wasn’t sure if it would, i saw it in a movie once. make them jealous and you’ll know if they like you back by how they react, right?”

you blink at him. one moment passes, and then the next, in shocked silence. his gaze on you is unwavering, slow blinks of his eyes a tell of the passing time. his eyes are burning on you, you feel so utterly exposed in front of him and - 

“god, you’re stupid,” you blurt out, a laugh made up of relief, surprise, and embarrassment bubbling up in your chest. “i can’t believe i like a fucking loser.” 

“so, you do like me then?” his smile turns into a full grin, and you can’t help but think that satisfaction looks way too good on his face. instead of answering, you swing the door open and pull him inside by the collar.

you’ll show him satisfaction.

and then they have sex and get married yeah.

[earthtooz]

x : BIRTHDAY WISHES ! :*+ﾟ

in which: you get your own surprise on todoroki shouto's birthday.

warnings: FLUFF! 1.8k words or so of it, reader gives deku the middle finger for funsies, BAD WRITING like when I SAY BAD I MEAN C-TIER AT BEST, shouto deserves better but i wanted to get this out in time for his birthday :(, kissing (oh my god... so scandalous), food cw

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TODOROKI WHO WILL ALWAYS BE #1 IN MY HEART. that's all i have to say, try to enjoy!

you're the first person to wish todoroki shouto happy birthday.

in fact, you've even taken the responsibility of driving to todoroki's residence, ringing his doorbell at exactly 11:55 pm, and greeting him with a sheepish grin when threw open the door a little too excitedly.

"hi," you whisper, holding three bags in two hands; one of them much smaller. it's thanks to the packaging that todoroki realises that it is cake, and the bakery-provided candles beside it are a given.

"hello," he greets back, stepping aside so he could let you into his toasty apartment (well- penthouse, really). "what brings you here?"

"you complaining?"

"not at all," the dual-quirk hero steps towards you to help rid you of your layers. he hangs your scarf and coat on the hanger by the entrance. "i'm just curious why you would sacrifice some much-needed rest for me."

"don't be ridiculous, shouto. it's what friends do."

friends. todoroki doesn't like the way that word sounds on your lips, especially when it's addressed to him.

before he can voice any of the distasteful feelings brewing within, you rush into his kitchen, exclaiming something along the lines of 'i'm almost out of time!' before leaving todoroki to dawdle after you. he does nothing but watch as you take the cake out of its box and stick a few candles in, lighting them with matches you brought yourself despite there being a six foot something tall matchstick right beside you.

your appearance is sudden, but not unwelcome. he likes how at home you seem, how normal it feels to have you beside him to celebrate another milestone of his life.

when you check your phone for the time, you exclaim a little in delight, noting that the time now read: 12:00, january 11.

"happy birthday, shouto!" you exclaim, clapping quietly out of excitement whilst todoroki looks at you with an affectionate smile. one that makes you melt a little, and you fear you'll soon be no better than the candles dripping their wax onto the icing of the cake.

"not gonna sing happy birthday for me?" he asks cheekily.

you scoff, a little embarrassed to sing in front of him alone. if it's anything that will deter todoroki, it'll be your singing. "ask one more time and i'll pack up and leave."

his low chuckle reverberates. "i wouldn't want you doing that." todoroki clasps his hands together, closing his eyes before blowing out the candles in one, swift breath.

"thank you, y/n," he says, sincerity lacing his tone. "it means a lot that you'd go out of your way to do this for me."

"of course," you say, handing him a classic, bakery-issued plastic knife. "anything to make your birthday memorable, shouto."

your sentence means a lot more to him than you'd think.

sharing cake with todoroki shouto at 12:04 am when you both had patrol in eight or so hours was not a point in life you'd ever anticipate being at. as you talk, you try your best to burn this moment into your memory, unsure of when you'd ever be this vulnerable with him again.

todoroki, on the other, non-existentialist hand, was comparing the sweetness of your laughter to the icing of the cake. a sound worthy of giving him another sugar rush, he concludes.

"i did beat everyone to wishing you a happy birthday, right?"

he hums in contemplation at your question, "most likely. let me check my messages."

as your dual-quirked friend fishes for his phone from his pocket, you try not to ogle at his beauty. it's unfair how good he looks, even under the harsh lighting of his kitchen, dressed in his silk pajamas that look irresistibly comfortable. from custom-installed tatami mats flooring every inch of his home to silk sleepwear, todoroki really adores snug things.

"fuyumi, natsuo, and midoriya all wished me happy birthday. midoriya texted at 12 exactly so i'm not too sure who won between you two," he informs you.

"midoriya, hm?" you mutter. "can i text him from your phone?"

"sure."

when he hands over his unlocked phone, you immediately click on the camera button, angling the device so it would be a selfie of you and todoroki. except you direct an unceremonious middle finger to the green-haired hero, sending the photo with the message 'beat you to it'.

"that was rude," todoroki teases, the small smile on his face telling you that he didn't mean any malice behind it. you give him back his phone, a small smirk on his face.

"he'll live," you joke. seriously, you've known midoriya way too long now to get petty over a middle finger. "i got you some presents."

"can i open them now?"

"yeah of course!" reaching for the bags at your feet, you present your first one to him which was, mostly, a gag gift that you couldn't resist buying when you saw it. some part of you genuinely hopes that he'll appreciate it though.

when peeking into the paper bag, todoroki's eyebrows crease in confusion, and it wasn't until he fished it out that his confusion turned into delight.

"where did you get this?" he asks, inspecting it as he holds in up in his arms.

"a local hero merch store!" you begin, unable to contain your giggles. "did you know that a recent toy campaign turned some of you guys into cats? it was so weird- i thought it was a little odd at least, but yours is adorable!"

seeing todoroki, the mystical, dreamy, and devastatingly handsome public figure of the century, hug the plush so innocently in his arms was giving you a rush of serotonin. the resemblance was uncanny too, the cat had a white base with a fair amount of red spots dotting it; kind of like a calico design but only with one colour. the best part was that the cat was seated in a perfect loaf position and if that wasn't todoroki shouto as a cat, you'd be lying to yourself.

unable to resist taking a picture, you're almost tempted to save it as a home screen because of how pure and wholesome he was.

just wait til 'people' magazine sees this photo of their undefeated 'sexiest man alive' recipient.

"isn't it cute?" you questioned, "i was almost tempted to buy one for myself."

"this is really fun to hug." for good measure, he squeezes it in his vice grip twice, grinning whilst doing so. you pretend to ignore the way his biceps flex, stretching his silk sleepwear.

"you should have seen bakugou and midoriya's. bakugou's was so funny, the manufacturer really captured his energy. midoriya's was also really cute- all three were just straight up adorable."

"was mine better than theirs?"

"of course, shouto. anyways, i just thought it'd be funny to give you, if you don't like it then-"

"-i do like it. you gave it to me."

this man is bad for your health. you had to pinch yourself to not scream from how charming he was. one sentence and you're practically gone- it's pathetic.

"okay!" you exclaim, trying to wave away how flustered your face felt from that one comment. "second and last gift!"

placing the cat plushie on the counter, todoroki accepts the gift bag you shove in his direction rather readily, furrowing his eyebrows once again as he goes to pull out the contents. does he know about his 'eyebrow' habit?

"you haven't decorated your place much since you moved in so," you begin justifying, feeling impatient, "i wanted to take the liberty of giving you a few things to decorate your home with."

four photo frames appear in his hands and he takes the time to study all of them carefully. they were all filled with photos of him with friends which you got printed.

you stand rooted to your spot with anxiety bubbling in your stomach at how he'll receive your idea. you hope he liked it - todoroki has never been one for sentimental or daring gifts so you hoped this one wasn't too out of the box.

at his silence, you begin to grow more apprehensive, walking over so you could look at the photos too. "there's more photos in the bag if you don't like the ones i chose-"

"-i love them. you're really thoughtful, y/n."

"am i?" you blabber.

"yeah. these are nice memories. this one of iida, midoriya and i at graduation is making me nostalgic," he mumbles, "but my favourite has to be this one."

todoroki shows you the picture in question and your heart stops beating for a moment. it's one of you and him together from when you went to go see the cherry blossoms bloom. uraraka took the photo if you remember correctly. it's one of your most loved photos.

"i really like this one of us," he comments, reading your thoughts. "i'm glad that i can have this in my house now. these frames are all nice additions, i didn't think i needed them. thank you, y/n, really."

he looks up at you with such fondness it almost has you throwing up, your heart ready to leap out of your chest and land straight in todoroki's hands to begin serenading him. you do, after all, owe singing him the 'happy birthday' song.

then, he unexpectedly stands up, somehow manoeuvring you so that your back was now pressed against the countertop with him hovering in front of you. your escape (not that you needed it) was now blocked by his overwhelming figure.

should you be terrified? because you are. delightfully so.

"there's one more gift i'd like to ask of you," begins todoroki shyly, leaning his hands on either side of you. "if you wouldn't mind."

you were going to explode. combust. erupt. literally detonate and paint his walls with a silly shade of love.

"a little selfish tonight, are we?" you tease, trying your best to keep your cool and- if he kept leaning in closer you were actually going to freak out so if he knew what's best for him he'd-

"can you blame me? it is my birthday after all."

"what do you need?"

the way his eyes glance down to your lips provides an immediate answer. you know he hears your breath hitch because this jester has the nerve to smirk despite the anticipation weighing down the atmosphere.

todoroki's face is millimetres away from yours when he suddenly pauses, his warm hand going to grab your face as he whispers an 'is this okay?' and your only sane response is to kiss him silly.

it's a gentle meeting of souls. not hurried or rushed, simply two humans trying to explore the other in ways deeper than anything physical. with the way todoroki's other hand roam from your waist to your hip, you can tell he is analysing how to support and hold you in the most gentle way possible, studying you like no other can.

with the same passion, your arms wrap around his neck, hand gently tugging at the hairs on the back of his head. the sensation makes him smile. his smile feels unreal against you and you suppose that this a luxury many won't get in their lifetime, not even you can recall how you got here. you just hope he understands how much adoration you have for him.

you want to uncover and understand more of the enigma that is todoroki shouto, but, as you separate from his embrace with the desire for air, you realise that you now have all the time in the world.

"you shouldn't be going home at this hour. it's dangerous," todoroki comments, briefly breaking the dreamy state of your mind.

you chuckle quietly. "i'm a full-fledged hero, shouto. danger should be scared of me," you boast, slightly unsure of how credible your statement is, but your confidence makes the dual-quirked hero smile.

"that's true, but still. won't you stay with me?"

after a faux moment of deliberation, you give in to his pleas with a nod, causing him to smile gently as he begins to lean in again.

before your lips could meet again, todoroki whispers something against them.

"birthday wishes do come true."

[antoncyng]

another small drabble because these kind of plots have been on my mind ever since the video of jennie surprising rose on her fancall 2 years ago.. can you see where im going ? so imagine this with you and wonbin.. 🤍

surprise! - park wonbin

idol!bf!wonbin x nonidol fem!reader

warnings: complete fluff, wonbin as a whipped af bf, supportive reader gf, pet names (angel, baby, princess)

wc : 763

seeing your boyfriend of 3 and a half years get to the top of album charts internationally and in korea, it made you proud. at most times you felt like a proud mom watching her son grow into his dream, and wonbin always knew he had an amazing supportive girlfriend waiting for him at home after his long schedules. at first, the difference between schedules was a small problem when wonbin first debuted. RIIZE was busy everyday, music show after music show. and when they weren’t recording pre-recordings for music bank or inkigayo, they were recording songs. comeback after comeback, wonbin was tired! his favorite part of the day was being able to come home to his affectionate girlfriend, and listen to her day as he slowly falls asleep in her arms.

“baby i have to go now,” wonbin said with a small frown as he looked down at you, clinging onto the standing boys torso as you sat in bed, just woke up. “its so early, i dont want you to go yet” you said, mumbling the words into his shirt as you heard his chuckle at your actions. “i’ll be home soon tonight, we have a fancall and thats it okay? ill be back soon” he told you, gently brushing his fingers through your bed hair, looking up at him and nodding. he bent down to give you a last kiss for that morning before he left, leaving you home alone.

but you were planning something for wonbin, he told you multiple times before that he enjoyed talking to fans and interacting with them through calls, but he got very socially drained easily. and what was the cure to that? you. yes, you spent $650 on albums for your boyfriend to cheer him up while he did his job, and thankfully you got in! you used a different name, your english(or second) name that your parents gave you, the name wonbin definitely wouldn’t be able to tell its you.

POV CHANGE ; yns pov

i got out of bed, looking at the time and remembering my time slot, i had until 3:50 pm. it was currently 11:00 am, i had all the time in the world right now! i sat on the couch going through netflix, finding a show. i finished a few episodes and looked at the time, oh okay its just 3:00.. wait its 3:00 already?! oh my god i have to get ready for the fancall! i jumped off of the couch and ran to my room, changing only my top since wonbin wouldn’t be able to see my pants, then into the bathroom to get ready, i finished my makeup and looked at the time. perfect! 3:35, ill set up the phone and get ready for the call. i sat at my desk in me and wonbins shared room, my phone set up with my mirror lights on, a stand up background behind me with decorations and pictures of wonbin, feeling slightly cringed but excited to see his reaction. i checked the time again, 3:48, i should be getting the call anytime so-

*ring ring ring, ring ring ring*

the phone is ringing! okay, take a deep breath.. wait why am i so nervous? hes my boyfriend..

POV CHANGE BACK authors pov

you answer the video call, the staff holding up a piece of paper with the questions, “can you hear me when i say this?” she says hello and you nod, not wanting to use your voice yet in case wonbin was already listening. the staff held up an OK! 👌 hand and said “please wait”, soon enough you saw the phone being set up to a distracted wonbin, looking down at the album.

“hello? earth to wonbin?” you said with a big smile on your face, watching him snap his head up with a huge smile painted on his face as soon as he recognized your voice. “princess, what are you doing here? why would you buy my fancall?” he asked excitingly, before he got cut off by a younger members peeking his head into the camera. “hiiiii ynie!!” an excited sohee said, you waving to him as he got pushed and shooed away by wonbin. “i wanted to surprise you, i know you said your calls get tiring so i wanted to give you some energy,” you said smiling, then pointing to the background. “do you like it? i made it myself!” you said proudly, watching wonbins huge grin on his grow bigger.

“i love it, thank you angel, youll always be my number supporter hm?”

[thewertsearch]

Mega-Giga Ask Comp: Part 3

@manorinthewoods asked: I'll be honest, I wrote the Locked Tomb ask having not read the Locked Tomb series. I literally only know the starting and ending strokes of the first book. That being said, I do like the half-soul-Sollux idea, and it works pretty well with the Locked Tomb's general theme of Lyctorhood, and how knotted the whole situation with Alecto, Gideon, and Harrow ends up being. (What is even going on with Nona) ~LOSS (4/13/24) @manorinthewoods asked: You know, if you hadn't already read Gideon the Ninth, I'd have recommended it as a good second liveblog. It really does fit your preferred sort of mystery. From all the clues presented, you could probably hit very close to the ultimate solution to the Lyctoral puzzle - as close as anybody could be expected to get. ~LOSS (25/4/24) @manorinthewoods asked: The Locked Tomb's prose is pretty good. On occasion, it happens to chime with a sound of 'Homestuck', but I only recall that twice so far in my reading. I like the skelebook. ~LOSS (27/4/24)

Once again, I'm glad my hidden agenda - convincing this blog's entire readership to check out The Locked Tomb - is bearing fruit.

I agree! TLT does occasionally give Homestuck vibes, presumably because its author is a fan. For the most part, though, its prose style is all its own.

Anonymous asked: Reference to American culture: the sphere of Jade's home dropping and the timer that preceded it are references to the Times Square Ball, an annual event held every New Year's Eve. A giant ball descends down a pole at 11:59 PM and reaches the bottom at 12:00 AM, January 1. I believe that you can figure out why the reference was included in the first place. Anonymous asked: btw the gamzee page was released on new years. ‘the miracle of a new beginning’ is the new year and the lab dropping is supposed to be a reference to the ball dropping in times square

Some America Lore here that I wasn't aware of.

I was wondering exactly what Gamzee meant by 'a new beginning'. Maybe Alternia practices the tradition as well.

@omnilew asked: the way you speculate and go indepth into sburbs features and how it affects the kids, made a silly headcanon that your kidsona is reading the comic while playing out their session though this is mainly because "Eventually, we were bound to cross a couple of wires that should never have been allowed to touch" kinda references chargerkind

I like it! Maybe my 'sonas have access to a more in-depth version of Rose's walkthrough, and are adding their own commentary in quiet moments during their own adventures.

@manorinthewoods asked: Your excitement over the resurrection of Dream Jade gave me a form of suspenseful mirth. Seeing how happy you were at her resurrection, while also knowing exactly what came of it, is perhaps textbook dramatic irony. If only you'd read a panel further… ~LOSS (26/4/24)

She looked so happy to be back, too! That certainly didn't last long.

She was prototyped with a smiling corpse, though. Maybe that was just her 'default' expression, and it vanished as soon as her actual feelings asserted themselves.

@thetinygladiator asked: 'I hadn’t really thought about Sally’s ectobiological parent - but now that I am, I think the funniest possible option is that it’s her landlady.' okay but i just gotta say… this immediately makes me think about how that relates to the house-building aspect. Like, with the giant tower, are they gonna charge the Imps for rent? That might work, honestly. Where do imps even live? Bet they don't have good AC or Wi-Fi, lemme tell ya.

300 GRIST/DAY NO CRUXTRUDER NO ALCHEMY NO PETS

@manorinthewoods submitted: How many computers would you have on your person if you were playing Sburb? Jade recommends at least 5. I say I'd have a laptop, phone, a spare of both of those, and computer gloves if I need to compute really fast. Also spare gloves. Speaking of the phone - is it possible for people to put phones in their pockets? Given Karkat (and a minor gag in Act 6), we can assume that it's difficult or uncommon to carry items without using the Sylladex - or maybe it's just tied to your dexterity, and you have to hold things gingerly to avoid captchaloguing them when you pick them up. On the other hand, there's no issues with accidentally storing something you've unstored and are using - so how does the Sylladex actually work? Do people just instinctively store their items once they're done using them? Is it difficult to avoid storing something you aren't using anymore? Can you stuff phones in pockets? If not, then why develop a PDA in the first place? Given the Sylladex, it should be much more commercially viable to make a tablet. ~LOSS (24/4/24)

Since Karkat can physically pick up a book, you can probably pocket your gear - although maybe there's a difference between holding an object and trying to add it to a physical 'inventory'. Either way, the issue is easily circumvented by employing wearable tech, like the kids do.

As depicted in my alchemy binge, my primary computing device would be the Pocket Holodex, which can remote into any computer in my sylladex.

In addition, my Modular Ring shirt is also a computer, which can presumably be augmented by adding extra mod1ules over time. I'd probably also captchalogue every computer in my apartment, of which I currently have six.

I'd be exploring the Medium with a minimum of seven computers, plus one pseudo-computer, plus a phone. Jade would certainly approve.

@iris-in-the-dark-world asked: the tension in act 5 act 2 is perfect, i love it. maybe even moreso on rereads, the foreshadowing and generally ominous vibes always get to me @heliotropopause asked: You're getting to the part where the comic really starts hitting its stride. This'll be fun.

The ever-present countdown certainly adds a degree of urgency to the situation.

I'm really liking the pacing of this current act, as things slowly progress towards some critical point - one which, for now, is still shrouded in mystery.

Anonymous asked: Forwarding another ask for the person with no account ~DJ: Eridan's deal seems to be based on Wizardry Herbert - a proto-Homestuck work by Hussie. A parody of Harry Potter dealing with whether magic is real. [] But Methods of Rationality began in February 2010, so "Harry Potter but obsessed with science" might have also been an intentional reference to that.-RM @heliotropopause asked: Eridan Ampora and the Methods of Rationality sure is an idea for a fanfic. He'd be so bad at it.

Eridan would be an extremely funny choice for a ratfic protagonist. He'd be so smarmy about it - and thus, a perfect addition to their ranks.

What would the definitive Homestuck ratfic be called, do you think? I think Tool-Assisted Speedrun would be a decent choice.

@killedthekat asked: An interesting thing about doomed timelines is how they serve to prevent stable loop metagaming. As a basic example, in a typical stable time loop scenario, if you observe yourself unharmed in the future, you can throw yourself into high danger high reward situations and know that probability will twist itself into whatever improbable knot it needs to do to keep you safe. But in homestuck if you lean too hard on predestination you just get shunted into a doomed timeline for your trouble.

It's true. Timehopping just isn't fun in Homestuck, as you're constantly walking a tightrope, desperately trying to stay in the one timeline that might not get you killed.

It's a good way to prevent time-travelers from becoming overpowered - something which is probably necessary for a comic which makes such heavy use of the concept.

Anonymous asked: Now that you're updating while HS^2 is, I've realised that while I'm barely keeping up with ^2, I just yelled "Oh! Upd8!" out loud when I checked your blog, so to me? You're the real continuation of Homestuck

What an honor!

For veterans of the comic, this blog is more Homestuck: Revisited than Homestuck 2. As a woman who would much rather watch video essays about old Simpsons episodes than new seasons of the show, I completely understand why some would prefer the latter.

@manorinthewoods asked: I've since finished Worm. I think Sophia's by far the best Vriska candidate. Lisa, Amy, and Colin are less so, I think. ~LOSS (21/4/24)

Oh, nice, you got all the way through it! Worm is an absolute behemoth, and I know a lot of people who started it, and gave up halfway through.

Sophia is likely the closest match to Vriska in personality. I agree with an earlier comment, though, that the most Vriska-like character in terms of audience reaction is probably Amy.

Anonymous asked: Cannot believe someone would propose a Homestuck/Locked Tomb scenario and leave Gamzee as part of a spare pairing, when the Homestuck fic The Serendipity Gospels, written by the author of The Locked Tomb, stars Gamzee and Terezi in the proto-necromancer/cavalier dynamic. Absolutely appropriate to have Gamzee as Ninth though, since his facepaint is the direct ancestor to Harrow's. Gamzee and Terezi is such a funny pairing to go with. I'm certainly looking forward to checking out The Serendipity Gospels when I'm done with the comic - both to compare it to Homestuck and to the Locked Tomb.

As am I. Apparently it was left unfinished - but considering how long this liveblog is taking, maybe Taz will have updated by the time I'm done!

Wishful thinking, of course, but I live in hope.

@bladekindeyewear submitted:

(I started Dragon's Dogma 2 a couple weeks ago and did my best to a Gideon Nav pawn (NPC ally), facepaint and two-hander and all, and the "Jaunty Straightforward" voice selection has been EXTREMELY distracting / game-improving because her voice and attitude chatting beside my player all the time sound almost straight out of the audiobook.)

Damn, you really captured her essence. Pawn is a very fitting title for her, too :(

@manorinthewoods asked: On the topic of blood color names - Blue through Purple were renamed in Hiveswap. Originally, Vriska was Cerulean, Equius was Blue, and Gamzee was Indigo - which I like more than their modern incarnations. I think 'bronze' might also be a Hiveswap thing, although I won't dispute it, and rust might have been renamed to burgundy? Maybe burgundy is a synonym. Idk. ~LOSS (4/13/24)

I think I prefer the likes of olive, indigo and bronze over more generic terms like green, blue and brown, which would quickly lead to confusion.

Vriska's blood, for example, is also a shade of blue, so it would be a little strange if blue blood was an official term, but it didn't apply to her.

@mxamericanblue asked:hi i have been absolutely BINGING your live blog rn and i gotta just get this out this is so so cool watching you react has been giving me so much joy, i don't have a computer so i can't really experience homestuck again casually when i want to but watching you read it and react and THEORIZE??? omg your theories have been so fuckin killer it's given me a new appreciation for Hussie as a story teller and how spectacular this comic truly was thank you for this, i've been having a grand ol' time, and it's all cuz of u

Thank you! I feel like I've been theorizing a lot less since I came back from my hiatus, mostly because the comic hasn't introduced many big mysteries recently - aside, of course, from Aradia's unexplained explosion.

(Pre-posting update: Since first drafting this ask, my statement above is no longer true, as Gamzee has been revealed as Homestuck's most important character. What the actual fuck.)

@lilietsblog asked: re fifth house aradia: she's an archeolodist :)

Oh, shit, you're right.

Maybe she'd be in more danger from the Lyctor than I thought.

@ben-guy asked: Vriska's ascension to god-tier is, in my personal opinion, one of the most visually striking scenes in all of Homestuck. Also, one of the panels you didn't include (which is understandable w/ Homestuck lol. Sacrifices for the sake of brevity) specifically the one where she has him write "[…] plenty of time for that l8r" above her head… Think about the position she would have had to move him to to write that.

…jesus, Vriska. You can't just do that!

@martinkhall asked: "What is treasure but a fortune, waiting to be found?" Or stolen if you're the THIEF of Light.

Son of a bitch. That's why she's a pirate, isn't it?

Because a Thief of Light is someone who steals fortunes!

@manorinthewoods asked: Eidolons. A species purpose-built to play Sburb, while breaking every mechanic you can solely with biology. Eidolons don't sleep, and live in a hive mind. Their psychologies are very poor at recognising distinct things, with Eidolons seeing the world more in terms of a blur of colors and shapes. They thus have a very difficult time understanding Classes and Aspects, never mind that their mythology never involved deities, and they never invented chess, or games of any sort… ~LOSS (15/4/24)

The idea of a species engineered from the ground up to be Players does raise the interesting question of whether there was a first species to play Sburb.

Of course, with all the time-loops we've been working with, there might not have been a first species - unless Sburb was 'created' in some sort of metatemporal space, 'before' any loops were put in place.

@manorinthewoods submitted: You are very good at analysing Vriska's psyche. Vriska's character was executed very well, I think, and I would hate her with a burning passion platonically but to a high degree if I knew her in real life. She's just… really horrible. She's a horrible person. And half her shtick is that she keeps evading consequences in spite of that. All of her mental torture of Tavros, for instance, ends in her becoming the most powerful player in the session. What sort of justice is that, Terezi? ~LOSS (15/4/24)

She hasn't entirely evaded consequences, but it's undeniable that none of the consequences she's experienced have actually stopped her from doing the things she does.

She's lost an arm, an eye, she's been beaten up, she's bled to death, and literally none of it has caused her to let up on Tavros, even a little. Letting up on Tavros, to her, would be worse than any physical harm, because it would be an attack on her worldview.

@sanctferum asked: "Has anything come of this since, actually? I haven’t heard anything about this new comic – although I do scroll in the opposite direction any time I see a reference to Homestuck, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn’t." - The general feel I've gotten from the community has been largely positive re: the new Homestuck 2 updates, which have indeed been happening. It's being updated once per month for now, so a lot slower going than non-hiatused OG Homestuck. But I'm enjoying it so far!

Once a month seems more sustainable than Hussie's original barely-believable pace for the comic. With Hussie no longer at the helm, expecting daily panels seems like a pretty big ask - most people don't have the time, money or energy do what Hussie did.

Anonymous asked: I don't know if you read UTDR fanfiction, but this Tavros and Vriska situation reminds me a little bit of Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach. she's trying to push him to his limits and torture him into being someone who will kill, and he just won't. say, what's your read on comparing Flowey : Vriska?

Flowey does what he does because he's lost his emotions, but Vriska does what she does because she's consumed by her emotions.

If anything, Flowey has more in common with Aradia. They're both time-travelers whose ability to feel is somewhat compromised.

Anonymous asked: WHATTTTTT HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BACK???????? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL ON A LONG ASS HIATUS BUT I JUST JOW DISCOVERED TUMBLR ISNT GIVING ME POST NOTIFICATIONS FOR YOU ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE IT TURNED ON FOR YOU AND IT WORKS FOR OTHER BLOGS???? WHAT THE HELL. IM GOING INSANE.

This has happened before - but before, I was also removed from Tumblr's search function, which doesn't seem to be the case this time.

Is anyone else having issues with Wertsearch post notifications?

@elkian asked: So has anyone mentioned the godhood joke yet? (The God Tiers costumes have hoods. God Hoods. Badum-tish)

LOL, I did miss that.

Anonymous asked: Fun Homestuck fact! After writing Karkat, someone brought up that the writer of the 'Programming For [Expletive]s' book sounded a lot like Karkat. Andrew responded by telling them to imagine that it was actually written in all caps, basically canonizing that the 'Programming For [Expletive]s' book was written by Karkat. At least, I think that's how that went? ~LOSS (28/2/23)

And it could be any Karkat, too. Maybe one of the Karkats from a doomed timeline actually learned to code from Sollux, and became a famous ~ATH developer.

@morganwick asked: So with conversation 8=8 apparently taking place in the immediate aftermath of Rose destroying her gate (even technically during Descend), and Rose's attitude towards Kanaya in the part of it that we see, does that change how much you think her attitude in their previous conversations reflects her genuine mental state?

Oh yeah, no, I’m pretty sure she was genuinely in a bad mood here. Not really so much because of Kanaya, and I think the anger directed at Kanaya specifically was inauthentic, but the bad mood itself was real. She'd recently been injected with several months of traumatic memories, after all.

@manorinthewoods asked: That panel, of John in Vriska's 'fabulous outfit', is actually pretty neat, because you can see from the proportions how young John really is. He's small, not even fully a teenager yet, and he's been thrown into this chaotic world of humans and trolls, quadrants, violence and danger. Everyone in the game must be scared, in some degree, but none of them ever show it. It makes you wonder just how strong Skaia's children really are. ~LOSS (29/4/23)

Seriously. In what universe are 13-year-olds the people most qualified to make universes? Sburb has some very funny ideas about the optimal way it should be played.

I suppose this is something that had to be true, though, for Homestuck to be the coming-of-age story that Hussie wanted it to be.

Anonymous asked: My interpretation has always been that "the Blind Prophets" are actually just Terezi herself, in a time loop-y/predestined way. She's blind, her class is Seer, AKA prophet, and those are her numerals. Also, on an unrelated note, but to weigh in on your last ask, according to Latin conventions, the plural of lusus is lusus. Does Homestuck follow those conventions? Well…

Or, since there are two Seers in Homestuck, maybe they’re Terezi and Rose. She’s a Light Player, so a blinding would be suitably ironic.

Anonymous asked: re: captchalogue codes and the states of objects: it takes a relatively small change in the physical arrangement of atoms and whatnot to turn a ghost dad poster into, say, a little monsters poster, but the two have a relatively large difference between their conceptual nature. on the other hand, it would take a relatively large rearrangement of atoms to make the slime pogo ride be anything other than a slime pogo ride. perhaps this makes the former change state more easily than the latter? alternatively, maybe the captcha system just knows that all it would really take to make the slime pogo ride stop being covered in oil is soap and water and it's happy to do that on its own, but paper is harder to clean so it wants you to jump through more hoops for that one new question: if john had used his posters for alchemy before he was able to see their defacement, would the resultant objects also be beclowned? evidence seems to suggest that players with unawakened dream selves Will draw on their walls in their sleep and not see it until Ready, so there not being mechanisms in place to deal with that seems less likely than the alternative to me, but especially considering people who aren't them Can see the drawings, how??? would that even??? work??? what would've happened if john had done alchemy with the arms cake. i think it would be funny to see that

I think he’d still get the clown posters.

The kids keep accidentally making magic items, so It's clearly possible for someone to alchemize an object with properties they didn't foresee. Therefore, I think John would make what appears, to him, to be a normal poster - but Rose would still see it as it truly is.

Anonymous asked: any thoughts on what the horrorterrors are? beyond their (admittedly vague) intentions?

I think they’re a sign of the wider cosmology beyond Sburb - and, more specifically, a sign that there is a wider cosmology beyond Sburb.

I don't know if we'll necessarily get more expansion on them than we've already had, because their whole shtick is that they're unknowable. Needless to say, I'd love to be proven wrong.

[gaiathemexicanbeauty]

it only takes a taste | mike schmidt x reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: none! this is just pure fluff and maybe kind of slowburnish lol

this was loosely based off of it only takes a taste from the waitress musical! :3

idk i just really like the idea of late nights with mike even if he's too tired to even think straight lmao

also don't ask what time period this takes place in, i was born in 2004 and know like 2 things about the 70s-90s or whenever the movie takes place bc its never explicitly mentioned

i also do not regularly bake or cook so do not be afraid to go to my comment section and tell me if something sounds off

i love this man ok, i have said it 1000 times already but i've been in love with him ever since i first saw him when i was like 12 or 13 and was even more so obsessed with rebornica's mike design for YEARS. 12 year old me would have an aneurism if she knew about the fnaf movie

you let out a long yawn, one hand reaching up cover your mouth so as not to potentially ruin the mood of any customers around; granted, there was only two and they were graveyard shifters from somewhere outside of town but customers are customers. you'd been working at sparky's for a couple of months now, figuring it was an easy way to make some cash and keep food on the table. of course, you hadn't accounted for the very long hours that passed where you half debated trying to sneak away since no was around from 2-4:00 am: your boss would kill you, though, and you wanted to stay employed.

soft oldies music plays in the background as you glance over at the clock ticking away on the wall. just as you move to grab a rag to clean the counters for the 5th time during your shift, you hear the bell above the entrance jingle and don't even have to look up to know who it is.

mike wasn't a regular at first, just someone who popped in at random and very quietly asked for a coffee. after a while of starting a new job, he started coming in at almost 11:00 pm everyday and always asking for the same thing: just a plain, black coffee. "seriously?" you had said with a smirk the first time he said his order to you, your eyes widening at the attitude you had just given a customer. fortunately, mike was quick to respond with a tired but good natured laugh, his hands folded in front of him. "i'm all ears if you have other recommendations." he mumbled with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, giving you instant relief.

now, it was just clockwork. "hey." mike sighs with a soft sigh, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he takes a seat at a chair by the counter you were standing behind. "coffee machine is kind of acting up tonight, you're gonna have to give it a minute. want anything else while you wait?" you say as you approach the counter, giving him a quick smile. mike is about to decline your offer, his lips parting to say something before his eyes land on something on the farther end of the counter. "what about that? still good?" "you're just in time. i was going to take the rest of it home." you say with a smile, walking over to the cake stand holding an apple pie with only 3 slices left of it. you take the lid off to plate it, handing it over to mike with a hum before bringing him utensils. you don't even get the chance to bring up to him that the slices have been sitting there for a couple of hours, blinking in shock at the way he's quick to start eating.

you turn your back to start taking down the chalkboard advertising the special from the day before, giving mike his one moment of quiet you were sure he needed. you start to think about what your day will consist of once you're done with your shift, dreading having to clean your room before you can actually sleep. "did you make this?" "yeah. why, is it bad?" you say with a chuckle, turning to look at mike again; your eyes widen a bit at the way mike is looking at you, his own eyes looking at you like he can't believe what he just put it in his mouth. "no, no, it's..it's really good, like. really good." your cheeks redden a bit at the sudden compliment, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear as you occasionally glance at him enjoying the pie you'd made; you wouldn't say you were amazing at cooking but you definitely knew enough to make a meal that would do more than just feed you.

it also didn't help that you'd been harboring a crush on mike for the past month. that you were aware of, he didn't have a partner of any kind but that might have been more to do with the fact he didn't have time for one than anything else. you at first brushed it off as just not having contact with anyone your age that late at night, just enjoying his company when nights got lonely. but you couldn't deny the way you would style your hair a bit differently or try a new perfume in the hopes of getting a compliment from mike; to your absolute pleasure, he almost always pointed it out. now to hear this sudden praise for your cooking took you out of your element.

"thanks, really, but i make it all the time. i can make thousands like it and they'll all be the same." you say with a light chuckle, crossing your arms against your chest as you look over at the cake stand sheepishly. "then maybe you should consider getting a day job making these instead." mike says between bites, giving you a playful smile. you can't help but scoff despite the smile on your face, looking over at mike again. "well, if it's that easy, maybe YOU should quit your job and come and join me. keep me company." the two of you have a quiet laugh, your cheeks reddening at the indirect compliment you had paid him. once his plate is empty, you take it away from him just to have an excuse to do something with your hands (also to get away from the almost fond look that mike was giving you right now, definitely not on par for him). there's a tense silence between the two of you before mike speaks up, clearing his throat when he speaks. "uh, i tried making that at home. the pie, i mean. i don't remember what kind it was right now, but it definitely didn't end as well as that." he says with a nervous laugh, hands folded in front of him again as you hear the coffee machine start to pour out his drink.

"well, what exactly did you do wrong?" with surprisingly no hesitance, mike goes on to tell the story of how sure he was about this recipe he'd seen in a catalogue, going above and beyond to make sure this "stupid thing" (his words) came out right. little did he know leaving his creation unattended for even a second would result in smoke pouring out of the oven and having to throw out a charred-black pastry; "and then abby went and acted like we could just go and do it all over again and.." mike starts, hands waving around uncharacteristically as he finished off his story. he caught the way you were trying to hold back a laugh, fingers pressed to your lips that were etched into a small smile. "it's ok, you can laugh all you want. i never tried doing it again." you can't help the laugh that leaves you once he gives you his full permission, still trying to keep your voice down. "i-i'm sorry, really.." you giggle once you've calmed down, rubbing your hands over your face before you start to walk around the counter to where mike is sitting. "but that's not how making a pie works. you can't just leave it like that or give up on the process that easily."

mike makes a face that says 'i'm listening', shrugging his shoulders when you sit on the stool next to him. "making a pie is like.." you start with a sigh, hands propping up your chin in thought as you look up at the clock. "you just know when some things feel right. if something is too much or too little, whether you need to start again or not. lord knows i've had to redo entire pies because the crust wasn't flaky enough or the filling didn't taste like apples enough." you say, chuckling a bit as you remember all the times you'd slaved away for almost entire days trying to nail down the perfect home recipe. you take a minute to think again, sitting back a bit as you smooth down your apron tied around your waist. "and it also doesn't help if you make something just to make something. when you bake or just cook a plain old steak, you have to make it like you're crafting a story or making a song. all of my best meals were made with someone or something in mind."

your cheeks go red again when you realize the very unprompted ramble you went on, a nervous laugh leaving you as you look down at your lap. "sorry, you totally don't have to-" "no, no, i-" the two of you jump a bit at the way you both try to speak first, sheepish smiles tugging at your lips before you go quiet again. the bell above the door jingles and you don't have to look up to know the two of you are alone now. "i like hearing about that sort of stuff. i really only hear about it when i'm here with you and it's..nice. different." your heart soars and you can only hope that mike can't somehow feel or hear it, trying to give him a warm smile without saying something you'll regret. you get up from your seat with a when he checks his watch, knowing that's code for 'i need to go' even before he stands. you're almost sure he'll leave without saying anything which you are simultaneously grateful for and hoped he wouldn't do, already busying yourself with some other menial task. "hey."

you look up almost as soon as he speaks, seeing the smile tugging at his lips and not able to contain your own. "save those leftovers for me. i hope it still tastes like you were trying to make it for me when i get back." he says, a smug look in his eyes as your lips part a bit in shock. you try to call out to him before he jogs out to his car, taking off accordingly.

-> ta da its done! :D &lt;-

this was honestly less romantic than i wanted it to be but i promise that my brain is racked with thoughts of him literally EVERY DAY so mayhaps i can write something else that's more up to par one of these days

but thank yall for reading! :D i haven't been able to pump out a oneshot like this for a while and it felt good to write something longer than a couple of paragraphs, i have missed this account sm 🐺💗 love yall and i hope that you all are having a fantastic day!

[kyday]

Solace | Kate Bishop

Summary: It's one of those nights again where Kate disappears and doesn't come back until it's early morning. You have finally had enough. warnings: bad writing (sorry not sorry), few swear words. light angst with a happy ending. enjoy!! wordcount: 1200+ ------------------

Katiee 💘: hey love, i know you’re at work right now, but im just telling you that ill be busy the entire day. I have so much to do today so i might not be able to open my phone as often.

You: hi babyyy, its fine. i get it,  just make sure to text me once everything  is over, okay? love you.

Katiee 💘: of course, dont worry. love you too, mwuah! 9:23 am

It was 11:34 pm, the flickering lights of NYC fluttered outside your window, and the constant noise of cars passing by was nothing new. You had been up all night waiting for a reply from your girlfriend, Kate.

Her last reply was in the morning, after that— radio silence. Her silence was unnerving, although you had gotten used to her doing this, it never was this drastic. You kept opening your phone every time it turned on, expecting it was her message, but still; nothing.

You: babyy, are you free noww? if not, i hope you finish up soon. mwuah. 6:02 pm

You:

heyy, i know this is probably just one of your busy days but are you donee? lucky misses you already.  text me when you get this. 7:35 pm 

You:

kate, Im getting worried. you haven't been answering the entire day. is everything fine? please text me once you see this. 9:00 pm

You:

Kate??? Please tell me you’re okay. I'm worried sick. 9:58 pm

You anxiously paced around your bedroom, at the corner of the room Lucky was sleeping on his bed. He was planning on staying up with you but at 10 pm he accidentally fell asleep. You make your way to the dining room, leaving a light on— you’ll wait for Kate here.

You can feel your eyes slowly giving up, trying to keep yourself up— you try to rub your face to stay awake a bit more. 

This hasn’t been the first time Kate has done this. Ever since last year when she hit that large bell tower, she had changed. There were times you often pretended to not know when she had cuts or bruises— she was a bad liar. You can often see her limping or wincing every time she moves.

You never questioned her about it though. You didn't want to overwhelm her especially since her mother got sent to jail for murdering people. But ever since that— it seemed like she was burying herself in her work more and more. The cuts or bruises were more visible, you remember when she didn't come home for a day and she blamed it on her cousin who was in town and wanted some tour around NYC.

Right as you were about to fall asleep, you heard the sound of keys clattering and curses being mumbled as the person entered the front door. You recognized the voice to be Kate. “Fuck, fuck fuck.” 

She stopped in her tracks when she saw you standing in front of the couch. There was a moment of silence between you, “Where the hell have you been?” You questioned in disbelief. She puts down her bow on the nearest table, you watch her intently.

“The company had me go overtime since there were extra projects due. Look, I sorry-” 

She explains but you quickly cut her off. “Oh my god, then why the hell do you bring your fucking bow or why couldn't you even text me once? Do you think I'm stupid Kate?” She sighs, massaging her temple.

“Y/n, let's not do this right now.” She mumbles, giving you a tired look. “I'm tired, we can talk about this in the morning.” You shook your head immediately.

You stepped closer to her. “No, we are talking about this now. Because in the morning you’ll be gone even before I wake up. Goddamit, I'm not oblivious! I know that your work isn't from seven am to eleven fucking pm!” Kate is starting to become more irritated with you, trying to bite her tongue from saying anything.

“What the hell are you hiding from me? I was worried sick, I waited up until what? Eleve-” You look at the clock. 12:10 am. “Its fucking midnight!” Kate knows she deserves this, but she's tired, way too tired to fight right now.

“Who said you had to fucking wait for me?” She replies, stunning you.

You let out a sarcastic laugh, “Oh my god, maybe because I'm your girlfriend, Kate! Have you ever thought of that?”

As the tension in the room thickened, Kate's expression softened, and she let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to worry you," she said, her voice tinged with exhaustion. "I know I've been distant lately, and I haven't been completely honest with you."

You can feel your frustration, but you are also worried. “Then why, Kate? Why do you keep shutting me out? Why are you not telling me the truth?” Kate looks down in guilt, her superhero duties have been such a huge thing for her that she forgot her true priority, you.

“I haven't been honest with you..” She starts off.

“No shit Sherlock.” You mumble, earning a smile from her.

She coughs, “I know this may uh- this may seem unbelievable but I've been working with Hawkeye to bring this organization down.” She stopped to see your reaction, but your face was like stone. “And just— today we were so close to getting them but they got away.” Kate continues, her voice turning into a whisper at the end, you can hear the disappointment in her voice.

“But you didn't have to hide it from me, Kate.” You start, tears welled up in Kate’s eyes.

“I didn't want to make you worry, I'm so sorry.” She whispers.

You walk over to her and wipe her tears. “I'm always worrying about you, you know that. It doesn't matter how crazy your story is. Hell, if you told me you were fighting aliens, I would believe you. Because I trust you, Kate. And I need you to put that same trust in me.” You explain, hugging her.

You can feel her nod against your chest. “No more secrets, okay?” 

“Okay.” She mumbles, latching onto you.

You chuckle, “Come on, we can cuddle in bed.” She protests for a second, saying she wants to lie down on the floor. But you manage to convince her into going to the bedroom for cuddles.

She plops down on the mattress, and you follow behind her. “I'm sorry again, I won't do it again, love.” She looks up at your eyes, you smile at her. 

“It's okay now. Just go to bed, okay?” She nods, and she inches closer to you before pressing her lips onto yours. “Goodnight baby.”

“Goodnight love.” Kate mumbles tiredly, cuddling up to you. And for a moment, the loud cars outside quieted down, and the bright city lights weren't so bright anymore. 

Kate realized that she could only have this comfort with you.

[hers1ut]

Secret Seduction

- Warnings: Smut, Gun play, Angst, Strap on, Alot of dirty talk, Hot angry Nicky

- Words: 1107

- Pairings: Str!pper Fem Reader X CEO!Mafia Nicky Nichols

Summary:

When losing your best friend and not seeing her until you were 20. You didn't expect her to be here at the club you worked at, You being her favourite dancer aswell. But will she remember you. Like you remember her.

Y/N's pov:

It was a Friday night and I was getting ready in my dressing room. Today is the day I'm gonna tell Nicky who I really am, but scared she'll freak out and leave me and never come back. But hopefully that doesn't happen.

Nicky doesn't know I'm actually her long lost best friend. I only realised it was her because she signed with her last name. Nichols. I always loved that name, kinda wanted to be a Nichols one day. But that would've never happened.

However she only didn't know who I am because I go by. Bunny, us dancers have to hide our identity for privacy reasons so I picked that name. Because she'd always call me that as a kid. It was a cute nickname tho, I loved it. Everytime she called me it, I'd get this weird feeling. Butterflies, I think that's what you call it.

Even my outfit was a bunny, I thought it'll be cute to match the outfit with my name. i wore a sparkly red lacey two piece, black fishnets, paired with black heels and a cute bunny tail to match and black bunny ears. I also had a mask just for that extra secrecy. My makeup was dark with a red lip to bring it out.

It was now 11:00 pm and time for me to go on stage. Slowly walking on red lights beemed in my face. As I See Red starts playing, i slowly walked over to the pole and began my dance.

Pushed close to the pole my fingers glide over the metal as my head tilts back, my fingertips sliding down my neck. Turning around i slide down the pole gliding my hands up my body lifting my hair, my eyes catch hers a smirk plastered on her lips as she leans back in her chair, eyes scanning over my body. Looking back at her lips she mouths "hot" followed along with a wink. I bit my lip back at her before sliding on to the floor, my butt proped up in the air bouncing when i hit the floor. Sliding back up off the floor i grip the pole standing up and tilting my head back again and swinging on it. As the music stops i look back at Nicky once more mouthing "find me after this" before stepping off the stage.

Walking towards my dressing room to freshen up someone grabs me, pressing their lips to mine. "get the fuck off of me" i shout pushing away the stranger. "Bunny calm down its me" Nicky spoke. "Nicky" i say with a soft voice "yeah princess" "you looked so hot out there sugar, when can i see this beautiful face of yours" she replied trying to lift off my mask. "not yet you know the rules Nicky" i laughed. "yeah i know but i like breaking the rules" her hands sliding up my curves pulling me closer to her capturing my lips in a passionate kiss. "ok ok thats enough let me go freshen up" i spoke lightly pushing her off me "ok but dont be too long, i'll wait for you sugar" smiling at her before walking into the dressing room.

I decided to change my outfit to a black version of the one i was already wearing and touched up my makeup. Heading back out i couldnt find Nicky anywhere "she went into the red private room" one of the security guards said i just nodded and walked to find her.

Arriving at the door i just walked in to see Nicky there leaned back in a chair manspread holding a bottle of vodka. "Bunny your back come here" she says while moving her finger in a 'come over here' gesture. Shutting the door behind me i slowly walk over to her sitting down on her lap i groan feeling the toy through her pants. "be a good girl and you can have it" "but what if i dont want to be good" i wine "well then i'll punish you" she smirks "oh really?" "Yeah I'll punish that pretty pussy of yours" she says sliding her hands down to my thighs gripping them. As a small moan escapes my lips.

"Now your gonna do what i say okay bunny" she whispers in my ear. "Yes" I reply "Yes what?" "Yes Nicky" i whisper "good girl" she says sending shivers down my spine. "now take that mask off for me sugar" my heart starts to race hearing them words, 'fuck' i thought to myself. She cant know who i am, this wont go well. "i- i cant, remember.." i stuttered "oh but you can baby" she spoke trying to lift the mask. "Nicky seriously i cant. You wont like me no more if i do" i say turning away. "Thats not true i'll always like you" she says grabbing my chin turning me to face her. "okay" here goes nothing. I look deep in her dark brown eyes my hand on my mask. 3.. 2.. 1. "y/n.. " she says in confusion "Nicky i can explain" she pushes me off her and takes out her gun. "Nicky please I'm sorry" "I haven't seen you for 20 years and now your a stripper care to explain y/n"  i dont answer her. Fear covers my face as she comes closer holding the gun in my face "fucking answer me y/n, did you forget that i was a mafia leader baby huh?" "Nicky when I- when i saw you. i was too afraid to say something so I thought pretending to not know you was.. better" I say with my head down.

"Y/n you could've told me and not make me believe this lie" she spoke. "Do you hate me? Are you gonna kill me now?" I say as a tear falls from my eye "No I'm not gonna kill you, but I am gonna make you regret what you did. So on your knees princess" she spoke pointing the gun in a downward position pushing me down to the floor.

A/N: sorry I haven't posted in awhile i haven't had much motivation but I will try to post sometimes.

[srbachchan]

DAY 5623

Jalsa, Mumbai                July 10/11,  2023                 Mon/Tue  3:02 AM    

 🪔 .. July 11 .. birthday affection to Ef Rajesh Srivastava from Jamshedpur .. Ef Nikhil Saraswat .. and EF Mahesh B Solanki from Ratlam - MP ..  and my wishes and love for all ..❤️  

NOW .. it’s  a late late late night but one that somehow remains awake till the writing is done .. it is now 3:05 am .. and a respectable time to rest .. a rest of necessity and reason , at the NDTV Banega Swasth India  campaign TV launch !

The pictures are here, but  the NDTV Banega Swasth India, late and I want to be in slumber .. 

Better in to be in a better frame of mind after rest .. and advance the thoughts expressed by the Medical Community, in the campaign for health care ..

But more of that later .. its 3:14 in the morning ns

July 11,  2023 .... Jalsa ... 1:00 PM 

It is almost afternoon now .. and I say sorry for the nonsense Blog ☝🏽 .. the head was working on one thing and the mind was doing something else .. it , happens in todays world, where the human has been crowded with millions of options and tracks and alternatives .. and the human is selfish enough , at times,  to get associated with all of them , at the same time .. not realising that when the different tracks are opted for , each of them has a story and a history of its own , to deal with which , is a mammoth task ..

It requires extreme will to do that, which satisfies all .. satisfaction is the most unobserved misunderstood word of the season .. everyone wishes to think of who I am, as what I have done  .. 

We are all special cases, and we all want to say something in , say an appeal, against something ! Everyone insists that they are innocent, their innocence being at all costs .. even if it means accusing the rest of the human race and heaven .. 

We all think that WE , I,  am the sensible one .. we sensible people are all selfish .. we think , or rather are determined to be who we are , by what we have done .. and what we have done, is attuned to the elements of nature, tugging, pulling us into every contract to make its terms look fair .. 

THE IMPORTANT THING IS NOT THE CAMERA, BUT THE EYE .. the eye .. !!

AAAHHHHHH .. dear ones of my loved Ef , I build bridges of philosophical expedience and comfort, over raging rivers .. 😢

I wish I could have , in normalcy , been able to build the strong willed reality of bridges, over the raging, ravaging waters in Himachal and elsewhere .. 😢😢 .. in our land .. !!!

.. that little girl with the ‘gajra’ still haunts my heart .. I wonder of whether what was given to her was enough .. I wish I could meet her again, and give her more for her liking  .. and as I drive I keep looking out , but never see her .. or anyone that could know her .. or any other in similar ..

But what I see is somewhat touching for me, at an instant  .. this 👇🏽👇🏽 ..

.. the Mother did not have a smile , as I followed them .. unknown to them .. and at a traffic halt or jam when there was a pause .. I drew my window down to indicate to the Husband, how much he had loaded the bike on himself and more the Wife .. what you see is the picture, after the lady recognised me  .. and then the smile  .. 

But .. I thought .. this is a family out to get provisions for the home .. the Husband has a vehicle, no car , no facility to have the benefit of affluent home delivery , they need to go out and get it themselves .. the bike is the carrier .. of family of goods .. and of the thumb sucking , new born .. for he cannot be left at home .. what best can be done in such a situation is being done  .. the Mother happily looked at me and smiled in recognition .. her somewhat earlier withered with the woes of life and condition face , suddenly brightened up .. I asked, ‘can I take a picture’ .. she kept smiling .. I did .. pulled the glass up in some remorse , told the Husband, who was pulling out his mobile to take mine, to drive safe  .. waited till his picture moment was over .. the jam opened .. we moved .. and I was moved too .. 

How life brings to us what it does .. how and what are its parameters at the moment of its choice .. who to give what , who to give not .. 

.. and NO .. I did not feed the GPT for this post ..

my love as ever ..

Amitabh Bachchan   

[cutedisneygirl]

New Year's Kiss

This is a one shot idea I got from @krissy25. Thanks for this idea. I loved writing this. I had fun with this.

Warnings: none, just cute, fluff.

Y/N and Chris have been married almost a year. Chris has been away filming a movie, so you have been at home alone. You miss like crazy, but you understand its work, so you try to be understanding but it’s still hard for you. You are hoping he will be back by New year’s. It will be your first New Years as a married couple. It is Dec 30th, and you are lying in bed waiting for Chris to facetime you like he does every night. You look at the clock and see it is almost 11:30 pm. He has normally called by now, you’re getting a little worried. You had been reading and stop setting your book down on the table beside you. You sigh and just start to lay down when your phone rings. You pick it up and see Chris’s face. You smile.

            “Hey sweetie!”

            “Hey buttercup. How’s my girl?”

            “I’m okay. I was starting to think I wasn’t going to hear from you tonight.”

            “I know its late and I’m sorry. It has been a busy day.” He sighs a little.

            “You sound tired.”

            “I am.”

            “At least you will be home tomorrow, and you can get some rest and we can spend new year’s together.”

            Chris then gets quiet and presses his lips together.

            “Chris, sweetie, what’s wrong.”

            “Buttercup I’m sorry I will be able to make it by New Years.”

            “What! But it’s our first New Years as a married couple!”

            “I know, and I’m sorry. I am still filming and I…I can’t leave. Please forgive me and don’t be upset.”

            “But what about the party and…”

            “You go and have fun.”

            “But I won’t have fun without you, and I won’t have anyone to kiss at midnight.” You frown and try to keep yourself from crying.

            “Y/N I’m sorry. Truly. I want to be there. You know that. I love you and I would if I could. When I get home in a few days we will celebrate together, and I will make it up to you I promise.”

You continue to frown but nod at him.

            “Please buttercup be strong for me and smile. I can’t stand to see you sad. I love you. I will talk to you tomorrow, alright? I will call you at midnight tomorrow or a little before. I promise!”

You nod again still not saying it.

            “Buttercup please give me a smile before I leave. I want to see my girl smile.”

You sniff and force a smile at him.

He laughs. “Well, that’s not perfect but it will do. Talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams. I love you.”

You sniff again. “I love you too sweetie, goodnight.”

As soon as Chris hangs up your tears fall. You can’t believe you won’t see him on New Years. You and him had planned on going to Scarlett’s party and all your friends would be there but the one person you wanted to be with you wouldn’t be. You have no one to kiss at midnight. You set your phone on the charger and rolled over and laid your head on your pillow. You closed your eyes and tried to sleep.

            The next day you wake up to Dodger licking your face. “Dodger!” you say pushing him away.

            You look over at the clock beside your bed and see its 9:00 am.

            “Well, no wonder your waking me up. Okay come on I’ll let you out and feed you.”

Just as you get up your phone goes off. You see it’s a text from Chris. You open it.

            Chris-Good morning buttercup! I love you! I love you so much! You’re amazing! You’re beautiful! My love, my everything, my girl! 😘 🥰 ❤️❤️😍❤️‍🔥

You try not to cry as you see his message but he’s so sweet. You send a message back.

            Y/N-Morning sweetie. I love you too. I love you so much. Your sweet! Thank you. I feel the same way about you. You mean the world to me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. 😘🥰❤️💞

You carry your phone out in the living room. “Come on Dodger let’s go.”

Dodger follows you. You slide on the glass door and Dodger runs out. While Dodger is outside you fix yourself a cup of coffee. You had set your phone on the island, and it goes off. You walk over and look down. A text from Scarlett

            Scarlette-Hey girl! Are you and Chris still coming tonight?

            Y/N-Just me. Chris won’t be back 🥺

            Scarlette-Oh I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I can’t wait to see you. You can get here at 5 or earlier if you want.

            Y/N-Okay I will be there. Thanks girl.

You hear that your coffee is done from the Keurig and pick it up. You add some creamer then you take a sip. “Hmmm my favorite, French vanilla.”

You look over and see that Dodger is at the door. You open the sliding door and let him in. He walks in and walks over to his bowl. Seeing it’s empty he looks up at you.

            “Oh, sorry bubba.”

You walk over to the pantry and grab the jinx dog food and pour some in his bowl.

            “There you go boy.” You say rubbing his head.

You continue to drink your coffee and decide what you want to eat. You’re not really that hungry. You decide on a piece of toast. While you’re waiting for your toast you hear your phone. You look over.

            Scott-How’s my favorite sister-in-law? ☺️

You smile. Oh Scott, Chris’s brother, he’s great. You and got close and have become best friends.

            Y/N-I’m okay. Not the greatest

            Scott-Oh no! What’s wrong with my bf?

            Y/N-Chris told me last night he wouldn’t be here for New years🥺

            Scott-Oh I’m sorry 🥺🤗You have me! I can be your date! You can even kiss me at midnight 😉 😂

            Y/N- 😂 Oh Scott, your crazy! Lol Thanks for the offer, your sweet. I will definitely hang out with you but as far as kissing you, probably not.

            Scott- 💔 you just broke my heart 🥺my favorite sister-in-law, bf won’t kiss me 😭

You laugh again. You know Scott is joking.

            Y/N-okay fine I will kiss you on the cheek! Chris wouldn’t like if I he found out I kissed more than that 😉 ☺️

            Scott-Who says he has to find out 😉😏☺️

            Y/N-Scott you’re a mess! God, I love you! I will see you later. Scarlette told me I could come around 4.”

            Scott-Why don’t I pick you up? You will be my date, right?

            Y/N-What about Steve? Are you not going with him?

            Scott-Oh no. 🥺 he had something come up and won’t there with me.

            Y/N-Oh I’m sorry. Well, you can be my date since both will be partner less.

            Scott-Sounds good! I will you see at 3:30 then ☺️

You spend the day curled on the couch watching your favorite Chris Movies. Then you look at the clock and see it is 2:30. You realize you need to get ready. You walk into your bedroom and get yourself ready. At 3:30 on the dot there is a knock. You walk to the door, open it and there stands Scott.

            “Wow!”

            “Y/N your beautiful! Chris is missing out.”

You smile. “Thanks Scott.”

            “Well, you ready?”

            “Yep, lets go.”

You follow Scott to his car. You arrive at Scarlette’s a few minutes later. She greets you at the door.

            “Scott, Y/N come in!”

You walk in and see Downey, Hemsworth, Renner, Ruffalo, and Sebastian. Sebastian approaches you.

            “Y/N, where’s Chris?”

            “He couldn’t be here. He is still filming.”

Downey overhears and walks over. “You said Evans isn’t coming?”

            “Nope, he’s filming.” He sees Scott standing beside you. “So, you’re cheating on his with his brother? Nice.” He smiles.

You laugh. “Of course, not. He just came with me since Chris couldn’t come and Steve is gone.”

            “Surrre.” Downey jokes and smiles.

As you walk around and try to mingle with the people you have come to know through Chris, you find yourself actually having a good time. You have somewhat forgotten that Chris isn’t there. You drink a little, but not much. You have never really been a drinker and you’re always careful. You start to have fun. It isn’t until Scarlette says, “It’s almost time for the ball to drop!” that you realize Chris isn’t there and you won’t be able to kiss him. You hold back tears, and you look at the screen.

Everyone starts shouting “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!”

You sniff and hold back the tears closing your eyes but then all of sudden you feel arms around you and lips against yours. You open your eyes and see Chris.

            “Chris!” You scream and throw your arms around him.

            “Happy New Year buttercup! I love you!”

            “Oh Chris! I love you too! I thought…. I thought you….”

            “I made some changes, begged my manager to let me come on for a few days. I couldn’t not be with my girl on New Years! Our first New Years married.” He smiles. “Your beautiful by the way.” He then leans in a whispers in your ear “It’s a little short though. Glad I’m here to keep the guys away from you. I can’t wait to get it off of you later.”

            You smile and laugh. “Oh, Chris! I love you! I love you so much!”

Chris smiles and kisses you again but this time a little more passionately. You were happy. Happy that Chris had come home, even if it was only for a few days. You were able to get your News Year Kiss, kiss the one person who meant the world to you, who had your heart.

Tag List: @cevansbaby-dove @lizette50 @nicoline1998enilocin @sarahrogersevans @krissy25 @frogeezz-blog-blog @eva-knits12

If your not on my tag list and you would like to be added please let me know ☺️

[yanderespamton78]

for those following @turntableart's addison arg!! (sorry for the tag)

TIMELINE

APR 16 :

 6:32 am : Turnons blog opened :D

APR 20 : 

8:35 am : Turnon makes the poll about whether he should investigate smth weird addons doing (this shows that addon has been slightly suspicious since the start)

8:35 am : First morse code!!! With the poll 

4:39 pm : “I miss my past” post (possibly relevant??)

4:53 pm : Maskons first post

4:54 pm : First interaction with maskon (through a comment on a post - he didn't yet have a proper blog)

7:24 pm : Addon makes a blog

8:01 pm : First interaction with the morse code entity

8:10 pm : Addon first translates what the morse code entity is saying

8:15 pm : the giftday party incident (i added this bc it makes me laugh a lot)

8:37 pm : rainbon mentioned. Possibly significant? 

9:24 pm : We find out the morse code entity is actually turnon (im guessing right after the acident but i could be wrong)  (the addisons never find this out)

9:47pm : First time the alphabet code entity speaks through turnons posts. Says “i think that's enough. you're scaring him. he's hurt, you wouldn't want him to dust would you?” presumably referring to the morse code entity. Right after this the morse code entity disappears, and any further interactions respond with “but no one came”

9:57 pm : Second interaction with alphabet code entity who says “stop talking to him you're giving him a headache”. Turnon complains about a headache. This is the first signs of a decline in his health. In the next post he says that hes going to go.

10:04 pm : Addon has been translating bits of the morse code for a bit now. The forth analysis ends up being corrupted, and all the characters are just black blocks. 

APR 21 :

9:26 am : First post says that he got a nosebleed and passed out on his desk the previous night. He also mentions that when he woke up there was a cup of tea on his desk which he presumes is from addon but it was never confirmed.

10:59 am : Mentions that the strange people are back (mentioned in the poll) and that hes getting a nosebleed. Mentions in the next post that he feel really dizzy and is going back to his desk

11:34 am : Turnon describes a building pressure in his head like bugs. 

11:50 am : Turnon says that the nosebleed stopped. Alphabet entity gets accused of being slick. It ignores the question and instead tells us to leave turnon alone as he’s stressed with work.

12:00 noon : This post from maskon? Not sure the relevance of the song. definitely creepy tho.

6:14 pm : Here addon confirms that turnon is in the medbay. This is later contradicted by addon himself.

6:14 pm : “turnon” says that he woke up and has no idea where he is. At 6:23 he tags addon for help.

6:19 pm : Addon says that he opened a zipped file and it shut down his pc. This is presumably what causes the medical documents to get leaked.

6:29 pm : “Turnon” says that he knows where he is and isn't happy about it. What??

6:52 pm : A few posts later “turnon” tells addon that he got hurt really badly. He says hes going to try to walk home against addons advice.

7:42 pm : Something happens and “turnon” starts making disturbing posts. They are in english but don’t have spaces. He seems frantic and scared and at 7:54 pm he doesnt respond to his own name, despite the fact that he mentions his goggles and crypton, which are obviously things that are unique to him. 

7:50 pm : Addon responds to the first spaceless post and comments on how turnon couldn't be making the posts as he is unconscious in medbay 

8:03 pm : When not-turnon is questioned on his name he says it is presson and seems confused. He says he found the phone in queens palace (if he is telling the truth, it would make sense why turnon was unhappy about where he was. Obviously he fell into the acid lake in queens mansion so its unsurprising that he would be on edge.)

8:20pm : Presson denies that it was him who typed the weird spaceless posts. 

9:34 pm - 9:59 pm : Presson comments on how dark and run down seraphim is. When questioned on it addon says its probably something interdimensional or timeline based. At this point, his text starts glitching out. Addon tells presson to put the phone in the big machine, but presson says that it looks dangerous and he doesn't want to. He seems genuinely worried about dying, but addon insists he returns the phone. Finally, he puts it in the machine and you are no longer able to contact presson.

10:52 pm : when questioned on the weird glitchy text, he again chalks it up to interdimensional lag

If we go by addons version of events (which he talked about a few days later on the 24th) at about 6-7pm turnon went out and got badly injured. At about 8 pm some kind of entity (presson) took his phone, who addon electrocuted. At about 9 pm Turnon was found in an alleyway with some kind of black fluid gushing out of his nose. 

APR 22 : 

5:37 pm : confirmation that Maskon is Slick

8:28 pm : The first leak of Turnons medical documents. 

9:07 pm - 9:53 pm : this whole saga... Look i know i put way too much trust into maskon and i apologise BUT ADDON STILL ISN’T TRUSTWORTHY!!

10:06 pm : Maskon refers to Turnon as his husband

APR 23 : 

11:04 am : Turnon wakes up!! In a bad state but alive :3 also at 11:08 am he says that hes missing a few parts

4:08 pm : turnon is told about the (made up) debt issues

4:37 pm : turnon is shown his medical document. At 4:57 pm hes told not to tell addon about it.

5:24 pm : Turnon is told about presson. He also says that his last phone is blown up.

5:25 pm : Turnon talks about maskon

5:42 pm : Turnon mentions his legs feeling numb D:

7:20 pm : Turnon secretly spells out help !! wow !! 

7:47 pm : second Turnon medical document leaked!!  (at 8:23 pm i made fun of addon for being bad at stopping important docs from getting leaked)

8:34 pm : we find out about the hats

APR 24 :

12:51 pm : Click gets a blog!!

10:30 pm : Turnon makes a post asking how long is legs are supposed to be numb, and asking why his fingers are turning black. Click reblogs the post and says that hes coming over. After that turnon starts typing his posts really,,, bad,, theres no better way to describe it. After a minute Surf (ambyu-lance) takes the phone and click demands to speak to him and addon

APR 25 : 

6:57 pm : the third medical document leaked. This hasn't been decoded yet, but the first bit seems to be in nihilistic cipher. 

8:16 pm : Turnon makes a post, a picture he drew of himself with the caption “im a little sad, i'll get better”. When questioned on it he says that hes not used to the feeling of being useless.

8:32 pm : THE TAGS. THE TAGS. LOOK AT THE TAGS turnon makes a post. In the tags it says “hes getting worse” “oops did i say that? oh well.” My dumbass cant tell if this is turnip or turnon saying this but worth mentioning anyway.

9:15 pm - 9:37 pm : Clickon is questioned on whether he talked to Surf and Addon. He says that he did, and no one is completely sure whats up with Turnon. Clickon says that Turnons condition is worsening. Hes paler than usual, his fingers are black, and Clickon accidentally pulled out a clump of his hair. Click says that Turnon is a survivor, but even this makes him worried. After this, Addon reblogs the post saying that he didn't talk to clickon last night and theres no footage of Click entering the building. Click is obviously confused, to which Addon tells click to wake up and to stop living in his fantasies. After this Clickon says he feels weird.

9:20 pm : cool lil drawing. Not really relevant but i thought it was neat lol

9:35 pm : TURNON STANDS!!!! He mentions that his legs are black and hurt like hell but hes standing!! (at 9:53 pm he falls over D:)

9:37 pm : Click makes a post that simply reads “Somethings wrong.”

9:57 pm : When questioned if he's ok, clickon replies saying he never made it, before a wall of binary. It reads “Everything feels stuffy, Shadows I'm in my car, I think I'm being watched”. At 10:02 pm Addon reblogs the post saying “get out. Now.” before a string of numbers that haven't been decoded. At 10:09 pm Clickon reblogs the post again with another binary code, this time reading “I don't know where I'm going, My eyes, My eyes, I can barely see, Is it following me”

10:15 pm : Maskon makes some kind of post about Cotton candy. It translates to “i do like cotton candy dont you?”

10:23 pm : someone asks maskon / slick if he did anything to Clickon. Slick said he didn't want yellow to hang out with someone like that, but he deserves his freedom.

10:40 pm : Clickon makes a post in binary. It reads “The stars are beautiful tonight, The stars are beautiful tonight, The stars are beautiful tonight, The stars”

APR 26 : 

Nothing from turnon all day. 

7:35 am : Ice cream blog opened

2:07 pm : The runner of the Ice cream blog says that he uses the alias pinup (but for some reason, he can't disclose his real name. Could be for privacy reasons though.)

2:32 pm : Pinup gets a coat!! He comments on how it doesn’t have a tag for some reason

5:12 pm : Pinup mentions addon. He says that he sees addon as a friend but he isnt sure if addon feels the same.

3:39 pm : Clickon mentions he just woke up in the woods with a massive headache. He doesn't know how he got there. 

3:42 pm - 4:26 pm : Complaining about various things. He mentions having frozen joints, so he probably slept in the woods all night. He says “at least hes alive” which means he probably thought he was genuinely going to die (or hes just being dramatic)

4:33 pm - 10:11 pm : lots of things happen in this thread. Firstly, Clickon says that it was him making the posts in binary. He says he vaguely remembers typing something out on his phone, and that he was very scared. The first two are relatively self explanatory, he was scared. The third one he said he remembered looking up at the stars. He describes everything feeling trippy and disorientating as he was running, and feeling like he was being chased. He ends up being told all about Slick and all that. He isnt actually too surprised?? He says that he is nearing the city and he can see buildings in the distance. Anyways Important Shit Happened Go read it

11:38 pm : Its confirmed that the reason why Turnon didn't post anything is because addon took away his phone.

APR 27 : 

6:37 pm : Clickon updates us saying he got back to the city and after a rough night and is driving to seraphim, presumably to check on turnon

6:44 pm : Turnon makes a post saying hes going to walk home and addon doesnt know. At about 6:55 pm he passes out in the middle of the road. At this point he is disoriented from the pain medication and thinks he is back home.

6:58 pm : Clickon finds addon in the road and mistakes him for roadkill. By 7:04 pm turnon is in his car and they were going back to seraphim. At 7:14 pm he says that turnon is speaking gibberish. 

7:15 pm : Addon says a taskforce has already been sent out to try find turnon

7:29 pm : no matter what turnip says, addon finds out that clickon has turnon and sends out a bunch of shit to stop him, presumably not realising that he has good intentions.

7:36 pm : Clickon gets fucking SHOT !! 2 mins later turnon also presumably gets shot. NICE!! Later addon confirms it was a tranquiliser dart.

7:51 pm : at this point both clickon and turnon have been captured. Addon refers to them as ”two ominous individuals” at 8:04 pm Addon reports that they have been hooked up to an experimental piece of darkner equipment that hurts them when they move. 

8:19 pm : Clickon makes a post saying he doesn't want to die. Addon replied a few minutes later with what is essentially a threat (8:22 pm) and at 8:28 pm he ends up confirming that he knows about Slick

OUGH WHAT A DAY 

THEN THERE'S THE 28TH!!!

APR 28 :

11:25 am : Turnon wakes up back at seraphim, chained to the bed and confused on why he is there, stating that hes supposed to be home.

5:17 pm : Turnon is acting weird. He is weirdly insistent to get home despite never complaining about the facilities at Seraphim, and says that he would break his leg to get home. At one point there is a font change. This is implied to be slick possessing him.

5:30 - 6:30 pm :Theres a whole thread thats very important. Despite there only being two accounts, there is obviously three people in the conversation. Turnon, Addon, and Slick. Addon seems insistent on getting Slick out, even if it involves hurting turnon (“You should be more carefully you signed the contract years ago now I can legally do whatever I wish to you to get the task finished. Parasite” “If not I can feed you to Melody, atleast someone should benefit from your pathetic existence.”).  Turnon seems scared and confused. POOR FUCKING WET TOWEL I WANNA HUG HIM SO BAD POOR CREATURES BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH

@emiplayzmc @tdlizardshinynest take it you freaks /lh

i put all of the longer threads in one bit to make life easier for everyone

Im going to edit this when needed so itll probably be updated once every day or two

[pariskylar]

Part 3: Rude

Monday: August 30, 2021

Beatrice, bitch please. you know who I be nothin' else, none other the number one stunner.

she pulled up to The Thrombey Mansion for her second week of work.

working for Harlan has been very uneventful, borderline boring. all she did for the past two weeks was take calls, email business people back and proof reading. proofing was the only part of the job she actually enjoyed.

she entered the house and went straight to Mr. Thrombey’s Office.

“good morning.” she signed her time sheet.

“good morning.” Marta greeted.

and as usual Harlan said nothing.

ignoring that she pulled out her iPad, where she had transferred the planner and began briefing him about his schedule today.

“today you have a doctors appointment at 8:30 AM, a meeting with Mr. Walt Thrombey at the publishing company at 11:30 AM and and dogs have a vet appointment at 1:00 PM.” she read off.

“Marta is taking me to my doctors appointment.” he said while stacking three different piles of papers “these need to be proofed.” he handed them over to her.

she nodded waiting to see of he had anything else to say, but of course he didn’t. she took her assignment out to the front porch. she sat tailored style on the bench pulling out her sticky tabs, red pen, post-its and the matching highlighters .

and began her reading. this is the shit she loved. well introduced characters, well thought out details. this is why she wanted to be an editor.

forty five minutes later she proofed seventy percent of the first chapter and Harlan and Marta came out the house.

“we’re off to the doctor.” Marta said helping Harlan down the steps.

“ok, well be safe.” she said automatically.

pulling out her phone she saw the time read 7:56 AM. she’d been out there for nearly an hour and her bones and joints felt it. she stood from her seat stretching and loosen up her joint.

standing up straight she grabbed all of her supplies and moved to the steps.

after two hours she was finishing up the second chapter when she heard the revving of a car engine. she looked up to see an old school BMW flying up the driveway. she put a tab where she just finished reading sitting up properly, ready to greet whoever the guest was.

when the car door opened out stepped a white man with brunette hair sporting slacks, a striped shirt and sunglasses. he slowly made his way to the house.

“hi, how may i help you?” she asked as he made his way up the steps.

he totally ignored her and went inside. she grabbed her keys that had her mace on them. she sat the papers aside and grabbed the iPad, rushing in after him.

“um, excuse me? sir?” she followed him into Mr. Thombey’s empty office. “um, sir.”

“what?” he turned to her finally acknowledging her existence.

his presence was a bit intimidating, causing her to take a few steps back. he rolled his eyes making an exit from the office.

she switched the latch on the mace.

“um, do you have an meeting set with Mr. Thrombey?” she followed him.

“a meeting?” he asked seemingly confused heading for the stairs

“yeah, like an appointment.” he turned from the second step with the same confused look “you know when you set a time to talk to someone.”

“i know what a meeting is, i’m just confused on why i’d need one. i’m his grandson.”

that’s Ransom?

“oh, the one with the bi-weekly visits.” she closed the mace.

“yeah.” he said with faux enthusiasm

“well Mr. Thrombey had a doctor’s appointment today, but he’ll be back any minute now. you can wait for him in his office.”

he didn’t say anything just going back to his office, slamming the door behind him.

she huffed, snarling. there’s alot of thing she can take, and has, but one thing she can’t stand is an unnecessarily rude person.

there was no reason for him to come in that aggressive and to be that harsh.

she made her way back to the front porch to try and finish up her assignment

her alarm that was set 10:45 went off, but Harlan and Marta wasn't back yet. she didn't have Marta's number so she had no choice but to wait this out. she re-scheduled the meetings and vet appointment, while waiting. she was chewing on her pencil eraser nervous. she was 99 percent sure she was gonna lose her job.

after the most daunting 42 minutes Marta and Harlan finally pulled up.

she stood up from her seat grabbing her bag and rushed to the car. once the car came to a full stop she opened the door and help Harlan out.

“Mr. Thrombey, we’re late for your meeting with Mr. Walt.” she closed the door and walked to her car as fast as she could without dragging him. “i called and rescheduled the meeting for 12:00 and push the vet appointment for 1:30, i just need to get the dogs in the car and we can go.” she tossed her bag in her backseat, before taking off to the backyard.

whistling at them she gained their attention.

“come.” she squatted down waved them over.

they ran up to her.

she stood up straight and began jogging to her car with them her following. when they got there Mr. Thrombey wasn’t in the car.

“what the hell?” she said under her breath.

“i took him to the meeting with Walt.” Marta said from the side of her.

“oh, well thanks.” Jaz nodded "um, can i get you number." her social anxiety began to kick in.

"just so when you take Harlan places i'll know, y'know" she over explained.

"no, yeah, i get it." Marta pulled out her phone handing it over.

"personal or work?" she asked pulling each from her pockets.

"both?"

Jaz nodded handing them both over.

Jazlyn (Personal): (504)-xxx-xxxx she entered her personal number first then her work number Jazlyn (Work): (857)-xxx-xxxx.

they exchanged phones back.

she looked at the new contact in her phone, Marta :) (857)-xxx-xxxx.

"um, thanks."

"no problem." Marta nodded.

they walked back towards the porch. she took a seat on the bench and Marta went back into the house.

she set a new alarm for 12:30.

the dogs ran up to her, tails wagging.

“hi, babies.” she giggled at them scratching behind each of their ears.

one tried giving her a kiss but she dodged it.

“no kisses, just rubs and hugs.”

she spent the next 50 minutes cuddling the dogs and trying to calm herself down from mini freakout she had.

what the heck bro. that was so rude and inconsiderate. he could've told me that he was going to have Marta take him to the meeting. and why the hell did the receptionist let me change times if he was already there?

while in the midst of another freakout her alarm went off. she sighed getting up from her seat, heading back to the home.

they tried following her in the house.

"sit." she commanded "stay." they obeyed.

she knocked on the office door.

“come in.” he called from the other side of the door.

walking in she saw Harlan and Ransom sitting across from each other.

“um, i’m taking the dogs to their vet appointment.”

Ransom scoffed at her turning back to his granddad.

rude

“ok.” Harlan nodded

“is there anything you need while i’m out?”

“no.”

she nodded leaving the room. she grabbed the leashes from the hooks on the foyer.

-

after taking the dogs to the vet and a long day of doing nothing she went back to her townhouse.

"hey, baby." Tia greeted her from the couch.

"hi." she kicked off her shoes at the door.

she sighed flopping next to her, handing over a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

"lemme guess, boring day today?" she grabbed a spoon from the bowl on the coffee table.

for the past week she had been complaining non-stop about how freaking boring it was to work for Harlan.

"no, stressful." Jaz shook her head unbuckled her belt.

"how?"

"he had a doctors appointment and Marta took him. i was supposed to take him to his meeting at his publishing company, but he had Marta take him." she began to explain taking her pants off. "but he ain't tell me shit, so i'm running around thinking i'm finna get fired. i rescheduled the meeting. they come back talking bout 'i took him.' then his grandson came there almost giving me a heart attack."

"his grandson?" T asked around a bite of ice cream

"yeah, Ransom. he fine, but he rude as hell."

"how fine? you know my fine and your fine are two different fines." Tia pointed the spoon at Jaz.

"as fine as you can get for a white boy." she shrugged pulling her hair back. "i'm finna shower and take this makeup off, then we gon talk about them crazy ass people you work for." she stood up.

"good because bitch i got some shit to tell you."

[blindrapture]

TUESDAY JULY 5TH, 2011 (Duck and Cover)

9:39 AM Yearning to begin anew Spinning the labyrinth blue The landscape opens To a refreshing twist Of passion, music, Society sun-kissed! Follow me into civilization Close the door behind You fall deeper, you star sweeper Into the story of mankind There’s nothing like a little bit of Sunsetters to wake you up in the morning, huh, journal? :D

9:53 AM Donnie's found a road map in the lobby. Gotta discuss where we're going next.

9:55 AM "Do you think we'll go through Nebraska?" I mean, we can go anywhere we want. I was actually thinking of checking out New York. It's not too far from here, relatively. "Oh. What's in New York?" Could be many things. Big important city. I'd expect some people, like good guys, still hanging out. "But what's there for you?" Well. There was that book. In that library. It told me I have a friend there. I showed you that log, right? "Yeah! You did. That's as good a reason as any I can think of. I can wait for Nebraska, I'm sure we'll be on the road again before long." Probably! What's in Nebraska? "Nothing, it's fine." You sure? "I'm sure. Let's get moving!"

9:59 AM And off we go, down side roads! Hopefully we can find the motorhighway.

10:10 AM It feels good to be in America again at last. I've missed this, like, general style of road. Trees. Road sign. And with Donnie by my side, I feel like I can take on the world. :D ...she kissed my cheek. we're gonna hold haaaands

10:32 AM I almost miss being on the Exodus. At least it meant we didn’t have to walk to each place. >_>

10:42 AM ..oh my god no way It's a goddamn Rapture Duck! Jesus, look at the size of that thing! quack "They're really cute…" They're monsters. "How can you say that? Look at it, it's a duck!" Just keep it away from my journal. o_o;;

10:53 AM I hear a car in the distance! People! O: "Americans!"

10:54 AM Look, it's a little gray volvo! It's.. it's coming onto the sidewalk. Oh god, LOOK OUT

10:55 AM man, fuck you, and your volvo… what are you doing, don't turn around, just keep driving! for fuck's sake here it comes again dive! run! dive! duck! DUCK! DUCK! RAPTURE DUCK! OH MY GOD FUCK FUCK JUST FUCK OFF

10:56 AM The car's rolling down its window GUN pointing at us "Give us the girl." WHAT donnie "Are you serious?" "Do we look like we're joking?" Well. Hang on, let me take a closer look at you.

11:00 AM So, uh. Donnie was kidnapped by plants. Yeah, literally just. Plant men. Vines and twigs. Driver was just a fucking bush. Gunman had arms of bark. I'm not saying I capitulated at the mere sight of them, I mean they got out of the car and really put up a fight! They.. drove off to the north. Pretty sure that's north. It's the direction we were going anyway. I've gotta... I've gotta go after them.

11:11 AM I wish!!! I wish for Donnie!!!

11:20 AM Walking down quiet highway roads, trying to ignore that ever-prevalent cawing I’ve gotten so used to. quack And that goddamn quacking. Leave me alone! Where were you in all this, huh??? With your fierce beak, you could have eaten those plant dudes! Right? What do ducks eat? Well?? Tell me!!! Why are you just standing there, looking at me like that? ...

11:21 AM RIDING THE RAPTURE DUCK

11:43 AM There! The volvo! It's parked in front of that shack! Thank you, duck! You're alright. Do you want to.. come with me? Can you fit through that door? Have you killed before? quack

11:45 AM Dark hallway. Long hallway. Either that, or we're walking in circles because we can't see anything. The air turned very stale as soon as we came in. I think it's a rabbit hole. It's gotta be.

11:48 AM I hear a faint roar. Gripping Tiger Stripes. There's faint music above the roar... Two big double doors.

11:50 AM “No fireworks, no cameras, no merch, in fact I’d go as far as to say there’s no real quality of service but that still doesn’t change the fact that WE’RE PLAYING TONIGHT– HELLO, CAMPER FESTIVAL!”

12:03 PM Out in the lobby now. I’m sure the Camper Festival means something, something big, but I don’t have time to look around. ..Ms. Desmond? She’s just sitting there, watching the performance. Ooh, over there! Is that Bonnjo Vjonsped?! OwO rightsorrylet’sgo ..they’re missing their guitarist. o__o SORRY OKAY GOING this duck does NOT like loud music

12:08 PM The door opened to a florist, and then past that, a forest. I made sure to ask for some weed-killers on my way out. I mean, she didn't give me any, because I have no money. But I made sure to ask! Man, this shrubbery! Real thick! Why am I still talking

12:11 PM I hear things nearby. Hey duck, can I ride you again? Where are you going?

12:12 PM I swear I just saw something running through the canopy. Duck, where'd you go? :(

12:19 PM I swear a bug's crawled up my trouser leg I hate this so much

12:20 PM I hear voices. And honks! Friend, you're close! :D Just gotta keep.. whacking shrubs out of the way…

12:25 PM hnnnng

12:28 PM Three th a voice speaks to me...

Night I don’t know what time it is. It’s dark, though. Very. I can’t see much, but I can make out vague shapes of the trees around me.

Night (2) Listening for the duck. Listening for the voices. Listening for anything, but there's just, there's nothing. Gonna walk a bit.

Night (3) I can hear faint birds singing. They sound nothing like birds are supposed to. May not even be birds; I’m just guessing at this point. ..the ground here’s suddenly wet. o_o

Night (4) Dry ground again. I hear footsteps nearby.

Night (5) There’s definitely someone there. I can see the vague shape of their body. I’m finding out who it is.

Night (6) I bumped into a tree. I heard the person run off. I don’t know where to go.

Night (7) I’ve been wandering for a really long time; I’m sure it’s been half an hour, at least. My eyes don’t adjust to the darkness, no moon rises to shine light, nothing. The forest remains in its perpetual darkness.

Night (8) I found a piece of paper. I can't read it, but I'll keep it with me. Can read it later.

(Attached: "In the woods there is peace. And the birds, And the woodland animals! On the trail, On my way out from you. And the wind, And the rustling trees hear me.")

Night (9) All the trees look the same. I think. I can barely see any of them anyway.

Night (10) How long have I been out here? Too long.

Night (11) Person again. I think. I see a vague white shape.

Night (12) The person is wearing a theatrical sadface mask and standing there, staring at me. They won’t answer to my shouts.

Night (13) Tree.

Night (14) Walking.

Night (15) I blink and some trees disappear.

Night (16) I blink and some trees appear.

Night (17) The sadface man is in front of me. Under his mask, I am watched. “How will you handle the world crumbling around you?“ do you want to see? ings just ran into a nearby cave. The duck's here and quacking at me.

12:30 PM The cave is filled with plant-men. Flowers and leaves and vines, and. Wait. These things. They’re Treefingers. You're Treefingers! And they’re staring at us welcomingly. Me and the duck. Guess they're not threatened.

12:31 PM I asked one of them where they took Donnie. They’re looking at each other oddly. Do you guys not talk? Do you know any Treefingers who do? I'm being led somewhere now.

12:33 PM This is an arena. You guys do, like, cagefighting here?

12:34 PM One of the Treefingers told me, if I want to see Donnie again, I must challenge “the beast,” for it is the beast that Donnie is being sacrificed to. ..okay I hate these guys again. I’m doing it. For Donnie.

12:36 PM The air’s getting a little thick. I’m coughing a bit. Where are you, beast? Tiger Stripes, give me… ..Treefingers are approaching. They said the beast has been called off. Donnie is being released. o_o Okay. Works for me, I suppose. Do I look that intimidating? ...was it the duck?!

12:39 PM Being taken to Donnie, down into some rooms caked in mud.

12:41 PM DONNIE OH GOD I MISSED THAT HUG. She looks pretty shaken. They didn't hurt her, though. Let's get the hell out of here. Take the duck.

12:45 PM “Someone would like to speak with you before you go.” In a big mud hut, outside. Their leader or something? o_o

12:46 PM Oh dear god. How'd you get the wooden suit back? YES, Mistress! Hello! Oh, how I have completely missed you! "I've come back from my exquisite tour of the Bahamas, and I am so pleased to see you again. I know, I know, you had places to go, and you did a fine job of role-playing with me last time we saw each other, so I forgive you for just ducking and running. But I heard you were in the area, so I thought I'd have you come by and say 'Hello.'" ...hello. "You've managed to hold onto your girl all this time. Haven't broken her heart yet. ..hoho, just a joke!" …what do you want, Harlequin? "Ouch. I did get the message, you know. You.. shut the door on me quite clearly. Both of you!" donnie's not saying a word "These plant guys, they're so much nicer. They give me what I want. They seem to think I have connections? Whatever might have given them that idea?" … "God, look at you. You're so scared of me. Like, actually scared. Listen. I'm not gonna make this any more awkward than this has to be. I saw you were in the area, and I just wanted to give you a word of warning." ... What is it? "I'm not the only bad guy in the world, y'know? And as far as the totem pole of power goes, I'm hardly even on the radar. You made it to America? Took the long way. Put so much work into it. To what, to escape? Sky's still red here. And me, I'm still here. Maybe you did escape something, but you're just so... clueless about it! "So that's my warning: You don't know what you're running from, and that means you don't know what you're running into either. You just don't know." Yeah… "Yeah? So, you'd better find someone who does." giggle donnie "Thanks for the advice. Can we go now?" waves her hand "You have cities to see, drugs to take, a job to do, worlds to save, whatever." Well. Uh. she's looking right at me now. with that unmoving mask of a face. ...bye? o_o; silence ...

2:39 PM We.. got moving after that. That was.. weird. I even kinda forgot it happened and wasn't a fever dream until I picked up my journal to update it and saw it really written there. Donnie definitely didn't want to talk about it. I don't know what we'd even say about it. And now we’re getting close to New York. Duck travel is good travel.

3:21 PM Most of the creatures around here are zombies. It’s getting pretty dull.

4:04 PM …wow, a spidercat!!! VARIETY!

4:27 PM We’ve come across a large body of water. God, we're gonna need a boat. Wait no. Boating’s for squares. Get with the circles. Better yet, get with the rhombi. "Jordan, what the fuck are you talking about?" We need a rabbit hole! "Jordan, we're on a giant duck."

4:28 PM went right into the water, no problem. quack Well. Okay, I feel silly.

5:25 PM yeah yeah we made it across no problem, but guess where we found our way to now? Broadway Street! We’re in New York City! Skyscrapers piercing the red sky with their manmade majesty, streets as empty as London’s were. Okay okay okay, where to now? Shit, that’s a really good question. I know I (should) have a very good friend here, but this is a fucking huge city. who knows if she’s still here.

5:28 PM ..graffiti on the side of a clothes shop! “embracethearchangel“ I’ve seen this message before. Still no spacebar, but it’s significant. “RAPTURE IS COMING, CAN’T YOU FEEL IT, IT’S COMING AND IT’S COMING SOON” “A voice speaks to me: Would you like to see?” “NORTH OF TOWN IS PLAGUE TERRITORY, STAY OUT” “What did Doctor Cloud discover in the Genera?” “But it’s all in a mouse’s night to take on all those who fight” ..someone’s coming.

5:31 PM It’s an older man, long black hair going grey, a mustache, trenchcoat. He’s wearing one red glove. o_o

5:32 PM “Welcome to America, White Jester. You’ve got a lot of work to do.” Um. Alright. And who are you? “Oh, you’ll get to know. All in good time. But you're gonna want to know, you're expected at the Soho Grand Hotel." Expected? How do you know me? "Pfft. White Jester? Arsonist of Paris? You're known." Wait, that wasn't me! "And furthermore, do you not know you're being followed?" I'm what? We're what? "I did my job. You know where to go. Watch your back." walks away Well. Okay. o_o Guess we'll go look for a building by DAMN NAME and NO ADDRESS!!!

5:50 PM Soho Grand Hotel. Parked our duck outside. The lobby’s huge. Broken glass everywhere, chairs overturned, doors closing DOOR AFTER THAT DOOR

5:51 PM The world has too many hallways. I see a mirror at the end of the hall. Damn, my suit is nice. :3 Staircase up here.

5:52 PM ‘Nother mirror down there. Seriously, I love that suit. .w. Have I gotten taller? We’re calling out for my friend. If she hears us, she’ll come out.

5:53 PM Up these stairs! I take it all these halls have mirrors. Beautiful suit, Jordan. Fits you much too well. >w> .why am I the only one up h oh, I’m not. Donnie's right there. ..then where’s her OH THAT'S NOT A MIRROR THAT'S THE FUCKING SLENDER MAN WHAT DO WE DO IN THIS SITUATION, DO WE MAKE A LOT OF NOISE? WAVE OUR ARMS? that's bears, DO WE HIDE IN A ROOM? DO WE RUN DOWN THE STAIRS? "GET DOWN!" FUCK budda budda budda

5:57 PM We're in a hotel room now. A dude in big fuck-off military gear escorted us to safety. Donnie's asking the man if he really just shot at the slender man with a high-powered rifle. "Yes, ma'am. That's policy." Hey, it worked! donnie "It scared it off, sure! But that thing didn't bleed. You can't kill it! What if you just pissed it off?" "Then I pissed it off. You two didn't." "Okay, your funeral." You say this is 'policy?' The government's? "That's right." Huh. Are we, like. Okay? Did we walk into a top-secret base or anything? "You're fine. This is civilian property. We do a routine sweep every day, as the Soho's one of the places we've designated a safe zone." 'We,' like, the military? "Yep." donnie "We were told we were expected here? Were you expecting us?" "It's a routine sweep of a hotel. I expect civilians, but I do not know who you specifically are." "..huh." "Dinner's in the restaurant below around 8. Scream if you see any more monsters; someone will hear you. Goodnight."

6:00 PM What just happened? Did we just, like, get lucky? "Maybe we're still expected. He said this was a safe zone, and this room looks pretty clean. There may be lots of people staying here." Yeah... probably!

6:22 PM Nothing. No one's at reception. There were some cooks in the restaurant getting set up, so people are definitely here, but the cooks hadn't heard anything. They pointed us to a small office on the ground floor that was being used as reception, and.. no one's there! Are we supposed to go knocking on every door in this hotel?

6:57 PM this is stupid "look, we'll just try a few more, and then take a break." I would much rather be chilling in our hotel room "we can do that later! after dinner!" but that's an hour away! :C "do it for me? ;)" …

8:10 PM Fuck yeah, dinner! I'm having pizza! :D

8:50 PM GOODNIGHT, JOURNAL!

(Attached: “Jordan's arrival in America is hard to make sense of, about to get harder. There are two different angles to consider: the American gods curious about the boy who stood up to a Fear; and Jordan's own background, which he tries to avoid focusing on. We have a lot to get through, so I'll clarify what I can when I can. Watch for song lyrics.”)

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[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

When you leave, I cry on the inside

★ Chapter 11 of 15, 5082 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: !!! mature content, minors please do not interact !!!, smut, thigh riding, edging

<< 10

9 June, 2019

“Fuck,” Este cursed, as a loud sound in the flat below hers caused her to spill a drop of tea on her pants. She quickly wiped it away and got up to grab her beloved Tide pen—drawing on the spot to prevent any staining.

With a film on the TV, it was a quiet morning and a relaxing day off for her. She stayed in comfy clothes, hair tucked away messily in a clip, not worrying about work or bills needing to be paid or how desperately her room needed tidying. Her body had been stationary for most of the morning. It was a deserved laziness, in her opinion. But, a buzz from her phone signalled an incoming text, interrupting her and her tea once more.

matty <3

Sun, 9 Jun at 10:59 AM

Attachment: 1 Image

Thinking of you x

It was a photo of a small yellow origami star. He held it delicately between his thumb and middle finger, raising it up in the air in front of his hotel window. Este could see the architecture of the city he stayed in in the background. Germany, I think, she considered, though she couldn’t remember which city.

Sun, 9 Jun at 11:00 AM

Xx

:((((((((

Why the sad face

You’re getting all sappy on me and i miss you

Am I being too sweet for your liking??

Yea like chill for a sec

I’m smiling at my phone and everything

Soz x

But you’ve got me doing little crafts alone in my hotel room just because they remind me of you so maybe you should chill

Or maybe be less chill bc why are you never sappy or sweet with me ????? Hm???

hey I’m sweet !!!!!!!!!! Don’t be rude

The star thing is like painfully cute tho how do you expect me to top that

--- 22 June, 2019

Este ★

Sat, 22 Jun at 18:35 PM

Hey, I know it’s been hard lately and that you’ve been busy writing but this poem makes me happy and I think you need some hope at the moment

Attachment: 1 Image

Maybe you’ve heard of it already or will think it’s too simple but it's what I want to say to u :)

Matty’s heavy eyes stared at the bright blue light of his screen. The band were closing out on their sixth month of touring, and his head had gotten a bit cloudy. Desperate to get Notes On A Conditional Form out as soon as possible, any free moments they had were spent writing and recording. He poured so much of himself during every show and even more into every song written that not much was left when he was on his own. It was nonstop. Slumps like this were bound to occur while on the road, and now that Matty had healthier ways of coping with them, they weren’t as big of a deal. But they were still there, eating away at his energy—blurring the lines of his self esteem and self hatred.

The poem Este attached was “The Orange” by Wendy Cope. He hadn’t heard of it before. So, he read the words quietly to himself.

“At lunchtime I bought a huge orange—the size of it made us all laugh. I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—they got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange, it made me so happy, as ordinary things often do. Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park. This is peace and contentment. It's new.

The rest of the day was quite easy. I did all the jobs on my list and enjoyed them and had some time over. I love you. I'm glad I exist.”

Este was right about it being simple. But it was its simplicity that made Matty feel it deeply in his stomach. If he’d been sent such words by any other person in the world, it might have felt patronising—but coming from her, it made sense. There wasn’t anything that he loved more than things, art, that commanded him how to feel. Este knew that. And the words she sent commanded him to find light in the simple things. To bask in the innocence of life. To realise that if he isn’t happy, he’s just human. Fleeting moments of beauty are what matter. It was exactly what he needed to hear.

Este ★

Sat, 22 Jun at 19:00 PM

Please never stop sending me stuff

Reading the line “I’m glad I exist” felt so important

Because I am

Especially with you around x

--- 1 July, 2019

Luckily, flying from Stockholm back to Manchester wasn’t very far. So, it was easy for Matty to get on a plane to catch Este’s 28th birthday between his shows. He was a day early, but it was the only chance he had to come see her—so he took it. And somehow managed to keep it a surprise.

With Cate’s help, Matty followed through with his plan to Uber to their flat as soon as he landed; to drop off his stuff, grab food, and set up birthday decorations before walking over to Greenhouse to see Este. A bouquet of variously coloured tulips with brown paper surrounding it was cradled in his arms as he made his way. The sun peeked through the partly cloudy sky, beaming down on his tired state. He shook the nerves out and reached for the door handle.

The familiar chime caught him by surprise, as the seven months it had been since he’d last stepped into the shop forced him to forget that they were there. It brought Este’s attention to the front from her spot in the back corner where she was shelving. Sam poked his head out from the back room in curiosity.

“I heard an ‘Este Manansala’ turns 28 tomorrow…” Matty announced sarcastically before she realised who he was. The look on her face once she did was priceless.

“Oh my god. Shut up,” muttered Este as she weaved through the cramped furniture to embrace him excitedly. A giddy and uncontrollably happy laugh came from her belly had Matty leaned back while they hugged to lift her feet off the orange carpet.

“Happy Birthday, love.” he whispered in her ear before putting her down. Este tried to wipe the dumb smile on her face but failed. She kissed him instead.

Matty tasted like cigarette smoke and smelt of the flowers he held. The month between their last kiss didn’t stop her from recognizing the familiar shape of his lips when they were against hers. It lingered long and deep. They sighed into each other with satisfaction.

“What are you doing here? You’re mad,” reacted Este when they pulled away.

“To take you out on your birthday.” His hand remained on her cheek as he responded, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin. “And by ‘take you out’ I mean take you to the food I’ve put on your dining room table.”

“Have you already been by my flat?”

Matty nodded. “Went straight there after I landed. We boarded early, so Cate said I almost caught you before you left.” He laughed at the dumbfounded look on Este’s face as she struggled to accept the fact that he was real and face-to-face with her. His arms extended to shove the flowers into her grasp. Tulips were her favourite.

“Are you going to introduce me?” His finger pointed at Sam. “Or will you just stare at me with your mouth open right in front of your boss?”

She snapped out of it and turned to face the blond shop owner.

“Gosh, I’m sorry. Sam, this is Matty. My, um, my—”

“Nice to meet you, mate. I’ve been in here a couple times over the years and seen you then, but I’m glad to be formally introduced, I guess,” interrupted Matty.

It was a bit odd that he cut her off so quickly, as the timing allowed her to almost hear his fear of the topic—audibly in his voice. Her smile faltered slightly as the two men made small talk, and she spiralled silently about what she could’ve said. I should’ve just stopped at ‘This is Matty,’ instead of trying to explain who he is, thought Este. Did Matty think I was going to say he was my boyfriend? Do I want him to be my boyfriend? Does the idea of me thinking he’s my boyfriend scare him?

Her ears perked and she snapped back into the conversation when Matty mentioned that they should be taking off soon.

“Food might be getting cold by now, E. We should get going,”

“Matty, it’s half two.” She looked over at Sam for confirmation that she couldn’t just leave in the middle of her shift, but was met with a smug smile instead.

“Go on.” he encouraged with little explanation.

“Who’s going to look after the—“

“Oliver’s on his way. He wanted extra hours this week anyway.”

Guilt settled into Este’s chest. “You didn’t have to call him in and make him rush over just for me, Sam. I feel terrible,”

“I didn’t call him in. I put him down for a three o’clock start when I made his schedule last month.” Sam reassured, as he came around the counter to stand in front and lean on it. He crossed his arms, waiting for Este to accept that he had been in on the plan to let her off early.

But, she didn’t let down. “Then why would you schedule me as well?”

“Jesus Christ Este, to surprise you! Now please leave, I’m begging. I can’t take this any longer,” Sam said while laughing in her face and forcing her towards the door. “Happy early birthday.”

“How long have you had this planned?” asked Este, turning to Matty and waiting for a response.

“A while. Any more questions, or can we go?”

-

Este’s arm tangled within Matty’s as they walked the few blocks back home along the pavement. Her work bag was slung over his shoulder as she held the tulips and sniffed them occasionally for the comfort of their fresh smell. Now that the shock had disappeared and she had the time to fully take in his appearance, Este smiled at his outfit. The Vans tied round his feet were paired with a bright and fitted graphic tee, tucked into high-waisted green trousers.

“You’re staring at me.”

A giggle escaped her lips as her and Matty turned down her street and approached her flat. “Am I not allowed to?” she argued.

He shrugged, with a smile. “I don’t mind. Just want to know why.”

“Dunno, really. You’re just pretty. And I like your outfit.”

Her keys jingled when she pulled them out of her pocket to let them into the building. As they stepped in and through the next couple of doors, soon finding and pressing the ‘up’ button for the lift, Matty said, “You know, you’d think I’d be weird about you calling me ‘pretty’, but it actually felt quite nice.”

“I can call you ‘pretty’ more often, if you want. I think of it all the time, so I’d just have to start letting you know when I do,” Este suggested, turning her doorknob and entering her place.

There was a banner of letters that spelled out ‘happy birthday’ delicately strung across the wall that sat above the dining room table. The decoration was slightly crooked, but colourful and iridescent—so the sun pouring in through the window bounced off of them and shone glittery reflections all over the room. Floaty balloons were trapped against the ceiling with their strings hanging downwards at different lengths. A vase of water was the centrepiece, ready to be the home for the tulips that Este still held as she looked around. Her eyes travelled to everything else littered on the table; noticing the handful of tall tapered candles whose colours matched that of the flowers, confetti scattered across the surface of the stained wood, a bottle of wine, and a couple of takeaway bags.

A nervous Matty stood behind and waited for her to say something. When silence remained, as she continued to search for ways to thank him, he filled the space by slinging his arm around her shoulder and rubbing it gently.

Bringing his face next to hers, Matty asked, “Do you like it?” and pecked her temple.

“Does the general public know that you’re this soft of a bloke?”

He shook his head at her inability to take things seriously. “They’ll catch on eventually.”

Este laughed and turned to him, grabbing his chin, pulling it towards her to give him a kiss on the cheek back. “It’s perfect. You have a good eye,”

“Cate helped pick everything out. I’m not the best decorator. But she was busy dealing with the helium tank to fill all the balloons so I ended up laying everything out by myself in a rush. That’s why it looks a bit shit.” Matty explained, pointing at the crooked letters on the wall.

“Stop it,” she insisted, unwrapping the tulips to dip their stems in the vase and complete the decor. “There’s nothing ‘shit’ about you. It would’ve been enough even if you’d shown up empty handed and sat on the sofa with me all night.”

Stepping closer to the table to copy her, Matty unpacked the food he’d ordered for them. He uncorked the bottle and poured a glass of wine for each of them. She sat down, getting comfortable and increasingly hungry as her stomach rumbled. Hearing its noises and laughing, the two of them dug in.

Once their plates were scraped clean, Matty threw out a “Room for cake?” while a smile sat on his face, knowing they were both too stuffed to even sniff something sweet.

She cradled her full belly, slouching in her chair. “I can’t bring myself to turn down cake but I’m frightened that like, anatomically, it won’t fit in here.”

Matty got up and walked to the fridge to fetch it anyway. “Let's just do the whole ‘sing and blow out the candles’ thing. We can eat it later.”

The white box was set on the table. He let her open the lid and slide out the dessert herself. It was a small heart-shaped cake with light green and white piped icing, reading ‘Happy 28th Este’ across the top. Bright maraschino cherries lined its edge. She grinned at how perfect and delicate it was. A 2 and an 8 candle were peeled out of their package by Matty, who stuck them into the icing, getting a bit on his finger in the process and licking it. Once a match was struck and the wicks were ignited, Matty sang the classic song to her gently.

“Happy birthday to you,” he finished with the last line, maintaining eye contact from across the table.

Este’s brown irises glowed a honey colour from the warmth of the flickering fire, while her cheeks ached from the smile plastered onto it that refused to leave. Looking down to the cake to avoid confronting Matty’s phone that now pointed up at her as he took a picture, she paused to make a wish. He admired her through his screen. A couple of seconds passed before she finally blew out the flames.

As expected, they couldn’t bear the idea of eating a slice. So, they packed it up into its box and placed it back in her fridge, continuing to clean their lunchtime mess, collecting the dishes in the sink and tucking their seats in. But, Matty knew that the corny birthday celebrations weren’t over just yet—he still had her small pile of wrapped presents sat next to his bag, which he then picked up and brought over.

“You really didn’t need to get me anything. All of this is so great already,” she complained, guilty that she hadn’t done anything for his birthday, and gesturing to everything he’d done so far.

They found comfort on her fluffy sofa as he shook his head.

“It’s just something small. Don’t worry.” reassured Matty, who set the three rectangular gifts in her lap. They were similar in shape and size, individually & messily wrapped in patterned paper. He watched as Este’s apprehensive fingertips ripped through the material and revealed what was beneath it.

Of course they’re books, she thought, smiling at how predictable the two of them were. But, what she saw next caught her by surprise. As the other two got unwrapped, Este came to realise that they were all books she had been desperate to read. The shock came from the fact that she hadn’t ever mentioned the titles to Matty, and that as she flipped through them, they were written in. Sticky tabbed, underlined, and starred lines jumped out to catch her attention. Her mouth remained agape for a minute.

“How did you know that I’ve been wanting these?”

“Just looked at that app you showed me during Big Weekend. Came in handy,” he explained. “I picked the five from your ‘to read’ list that seemed the most interesting to me but only ended up getting to finish these three.”

“See, I told you it’s useful.” She laughed in disbelief as she inspected each novel. “Did you really read all of these and write in them for me?”

Matty nodded, grabbing one and looking through it himself. “They’re all great. Helped quiet down my thoughts, I think, since they’ve been too loud lately. Plus, they’re kind of like letters—everything I marked as important or stand-out, and every note I wrote in the margins was done with you in mind. Written for you. It made it fun,”

Este pulled him in for an embrace, squeezing him with delight. A couple of repeated pecks landed on his cheek.

“This is so thoughtful of you, Matty. I don’t know what to say,”

He kissed her once she finished speaking. Her lips had a minty flavour to them.

“So what did you wish for? When you blew out your candles?” Matty wondered aloud, while turning sideways and crossing his legs over one another, to face her fully.

Este copied him. “It won’t come true if I tell you,” she defended, “But there is something I was thinking of getting for my birthday.”

“And what’s that?”

“Do you know of a good piercer around here?”

-

Less than ten minutes later, Matty and Este found themselves walking side by side into the heart of downtown Manchester. Affleck’s was their destination; and the journey was short and sweet. She’d explained to him that she loved the adrenaline of getting pierced and was in the mood for some change. Since The Studio, the piercing and tattoo parlour within the beloved market, took walk-ins, they wasted no time before heading out of the flat with determination.

It was the early evening on a Monday, so there weren’t many people around, and there wasn’t a wait to get seen by a piercer. A couple of waivers were signed before Este winced in pain from the needle going through the cartilage between her nostrils.

Matty held her hand while it happened and hissed painfully alongside her as she squeezed his fingers to brace herself. The minute he complained that she was hurting him, Este gave him a death stare as the needle still sat in her nose and the piercer prepared the jewellery for insertion. Clearly her pain was a bit more intense than his. He got the message.

After it was done, she was handed a mirror to take a look. Este liked the symmetry of the new silver hoop that went through her septum; how it balanced out the weight of the plethora of jewellery stacked on either of her ears. She grinned at her reflection.

“I love it, thank you so much!” said Este, to the piercer. She then looked over to Matty, waiting for his opinion. He reached out to flick a piece of fluff out of her hair, lovingly.

“You’re like my little bull.”

There were stars in his eyes.

With their mission accomplished, they wandered around the rest of the shops without any intention of buying anything else. Her arm was linked with his. They pointed at mannequins clad in heinous clothing to make fun of them and people watched.

“Want to see something funny?” asked Matty as they approached a stairwell far too familiar to him.

“Depends on what it is.”

He dragged her up the first flight and Este’s eyes scanned over its walls. Every inch was covered in posters. A certain one caught her eye, and she instantly knew what he was referencing. Young Ross, Adam, Matty, and George were displayed on an angsty black and white poster near the floor, casually accompanied by ones of David Bowie, The Smiths, and Bob Dylan. Este couldn’t help but laugh at how different Matty looked in the dramatically contrasted shot.

“My god, look at the state of your hair!” she teased.

“A lot of people actually want me to bring the shaved sides back, you know.”

She stepped back and held her phone up, gesturing for him to pose for a picture next to the silly anecdote, still laughing. “I can’t even recall how many times I’ve walked up these stairs without even noticing your little face down there.”

Matty kept a straight face and held up his hand in a thumbs-down position for her photo. “I like to come here whenever I’m in town and have the time to. Seems to get smaller every time.”

“Okay, granddad.”

-

Their legs grew tired of sauntering around with no objective, so soon enough, they collapsed back onto Este’s sofa. She lazily put something random on the telly and sprawled her legs across Matty’s lap—laying down while he sat upward. Rhythmic circles were traced onto the skin right above her ankles by his fingertips as they happily relaxed in the privilege of doing nothing, but together. The lack of plans helped them appreciate every minute passing; how they somehow seemed to pass by slower and feel sweeter as they sat in each other’s company.

In need of the toilet, Este forced herself to leave the nestled position they’d spent the recent hours in. The chill enveloping Matty after her body warmth was no longer draped across him made him frown. But, she came back quickly, and wasn’t even gone long enough to need to ask him what she’d missed on the episode of Bake Off that flashed on her TV screen.

Returning to Matty and the sofa, she decided to sit on top of him. Her knees were on either side of his hips. He smirked at her forward and suddenly bold demeanour as his hands found themselves on Este’s arse. They were comfortable there.

“Have a good wee?” Matty asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, great actually. Thanks.” Her fingers combed through the long and shaggy section of his hair, near the front, to part it down the centre and tuck the curls behind his ears. Seeing more of his face was the goal in her action. “You look pretty.” she repeated, from earlier. Matty’s smirk morphed into a closed-mouth smile at the sound of her niceties.

“I feel pretty with you on top of me.” he retaliated, suspending the suggestive mood she initiated.

Este’s hands remained on either side of his neck when he brought her lips down to meet his. They moved against one another delicately, but both wanted more. It was only a matter of time before the lust between them escalated the heat of the moment. So, she deepened their kiss, pulling Matty in closer and shifting her hips to feel more of him and humming in the process. She winced when his nose brushed against hers and her fresh piercing, but it didn’t stop her.

The friction she created over his bulge made him groan. He pinched the skin at her waist with greed as his hands crept beneath her top. It only encouraged Este to continue with her fluid movements, his pants growing tighter.

As much as Matty wanted to revel in the pleasure of his girl hovering above him—one of his favourite places for her to be—he considered the fact that it was her birthday. Her day. The thought made him want to try something new.

“Can I make you feel good?” he whispered, breaking their lips apart for air and to squeeze his question into the muggy air.

She nodded against him, beginning to climb off of his lap to lay on her back; assuming Matty wanted to go down on her. But, he stopped her before she could. Instead, he just sat up straighter, nearer to the edge of the cushion beneath them, and used his hands to position her straddle over only one of his legs. He wanted Este to ride his thigh.

They didn’t bother taking off any of their clothes. His hands guided her back and forth, her eyes fluttering shut in indulgence as the seam of her shorts and the pressure of his leg pressed against her clit. She bit back a moan with her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

“Let me hear you, E.” encouraged Matty. Obliging, the next roll of her hips dragged a string of profanity out of her throat. “That’s better.”

The tightness in her lower stomach grew. Hot breath cycled between them as they breathed through their mouths during the lulls that found their lips no longer tangled together. Este could feel his hard-on when the top of her thigh came forward to graze it, growing wetter and closer to her climax by the second. She was a mess, and putty in Matty’s hands.

His eyes were glued to her. The way she moved and moaned his name with determination drove him insane, and made it hard for him to ignore the throbbing in his pants. Her face dropped into his neck, scratching at his skin softly with her teeth as she whined.

“Harder,” Este muttered, clearly getting close. He listened to her command and used his hands to bring her heat along his leg with aggression. The increased force made her cry out into him, head still hidden beneath his jaw.

Matty let her moans heighten in pitch, feeling her start to shake against him. But, suddenly, his hands slowed down her movements. “No,” he told her, “Not yet.”

Cruelly, he deprived her of the feeling she was chasing. A gentler and slower pace continued, much to Este’s dismay, as she quietly begged for more.

“Matty, please,” fell from her lips with desperation.

In response, he began building up the pressure, but at a snail’s pace. Her hips buckled forward in attempts for any pleasure she could get.

“Ask me one more time, baby.”

Her thick hair fell around her face, sticking to her sweaty skin as her head spun. “I need to come. Please, let me,” she forced out to him between her heavy breathing, and as soon as Matty heard her words, he tightened his grip and encouraged her hips to move faster. The sudden boom of resistance on her sensitive core drew more noises from her mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Este could almost see stars. Only a couple seconds of him grinding her against him and uttering filth into her ear finally brought her to her orgasm, the convulsed muscles in her abdomen releasing their pressure. A wet patch soaked through her shorts and onto Matty’s when she moaned his name. The two of them slowed to a stop to catch their breath and kiss hungrily once more. A giddy expression couldn’t be wiped from her face if she tried.

When she gained a bit of her composure back, still sat on Matty’s lap, she took note of the almost concerning amount of sweat that encompassed their skin and the now dirty clothing they were wearing. “I think I need a shower,” Este decided.

Matty scoffed. “You’re going to leave and take a shower? When this is what you did to me?” he pointed to his crotch in disbelief. He was painfully hard.

Giggling and with a shrug, she responded, “Then come with.”

--- 2 July, 2019

That night, they washed the perspiration off of each other (after the shower head Este promised) and threw on comfy clothes. Both exhausted, they planned on climbing into her bed—but when Matty caught The Goonies popping up on the TV out in the lounge, they ended up staying awake.

Not for much longer, though. They must have only seen ten minutes of the cult classic film before dozing off and spending the night with their jumbled limbs squished together on the sofa. Aching muscles were a theme of the morning that followed.

It was reasonably early when they woke. Matty remembered to wish Este happy birthday the minute he learned she was conscious, showering her face in playful pecks. She didn’t want to do anything more with her day though, and thought yesterday was kind enough for him to plan. A quiet day in with Matty by her side was what she wanted. So they did exactly that, and stayed round her flat to do more nothings. It was peaceful. It was needed.

The annoying thing was that Este didn’t allow him to smoke in the house. When it was a joint, cracking a window was fine—as she frequently did so herself—but she forced him to take his cigarettes outside. As Matty needed another one, she followed him down, to soak up all of him she could get.

But, in the back of her mind, Este knew she was looking for a moment to be serious with him. Have a conversation about what had been fogging her conscience since he surprised her at Greenhouse the previous day.

Leaning against the wall of her building while he took a drag next to her, she mustered up the courage.

“So,” she started quietly, “Do you see other people?”

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