#what a huge loss to lose our ability to socialize comfortably. (i mean -- i know some people haven't lost it. but i have!)

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

may i just say: i hate living in the reality of the covid pandemic existing. god, it's sad. what a huge awful change for the worse on this planet.

[sword-brainrot]

Oh, um! May I request a matchup? I know these can be draining to do so feel free to skip me if you want!!

So, um hi! Im a 19 yo translation student! Everyone uses she/her when talking to me, but you can use whatever you like, I dont mind pronouns! Im really shy and kinda anxious when talking to people, but I'm completely see-through ;; cant tell a lie to save my life haha Im super curious abt practically anything and I love to learn new things! When I have to get work done, I make sure it looks shiny and perfect! (even tough I procastinate on it until there's almost no time left,,,,) I prefer indoors because loud sounds make me somewhat panicky??;;;; and in my free time I play games, learn useless stuff and sleep... y'know, the usual ^^;

As for what I'd like in a parter.... I want someone who cares about me ;; I know it may be a bit too much but I guess I can dream right? :') As for myself,,,, idk id be a completely mess ;; Im good at listening I think! but when it comes to affection Im at a loss and I just get embarrassed,,,, I blush at everything and when Im put in a spot I try to laugh it off ;;

Um, also... Im sure you already noticed but I have some self issues so you may want to take this into consideration???? maybe???? Im sorry I had to bring this up;;; i tought it could help you get a better picture of myself haha???? uuu;; (um also i apologize for this huge wall of text, i know its all over the place.... dont know how to organize it;;;;)

Oh, and I don't care about sword types nor I have a preference! I love all the slashy boys equally ♡

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it 💖💖

Oh I would never skip your request! If I ever get drained, I would take a small break. I wanna do your requests dear! Feel free to request as much as you want, I have a blast whenever I can write and make someone smile because of it. Don't worry about bothering me or anything, seeing requests always makes me smile and excited to write 💖🌺

I Match You With...

🌸 Ishikirimaru 🌸

♡  Ishikirimaru is a very calm and friendly guy, he would understand very well how scary social interaction can be for some people. He would never push you too far and make sure he knows your limits. He would offer you to have tea with him or help him clean just so you both can bond together and let you know what he does want to be around you. He doesn't mind if you don't talk much because you are shy! Ishikirimaru doesn't talk too much in general but doesn't mind starting the conversation and having a short discussion about things that may interest you or your thoughts on things.

♡  Don't worry about ever making him angry or annoyed, it is very hard to do that. He is very easy going and cares a lot about other people. The only way he would ever get actually angry at you is if you say something insensitive about how people's lives in war don't matter or something along those lines. He was a sword kept in a temple that often got prayed to for healing the warriors who came back from battle with deadly wounds. That is the only thing that would actually get under his skin. He cares a lot about the people around him and even the people he doesn't know, he prays for all of their well beings. Even yours. He cares about you a lot as well and will tell you often that you matter to everyone. He is aware that you would never say something to upset him on purpose. As long as the two of you talk it out and apologize to each other, he will forget it even happened. He wouldn't let one slip of the tongue to ruin the relationship.

♡  He tries hard to make sure he never upsets anyone and thinks over his words carefully, but even he makes mistakes and words don't come out how they planned. He will make the most effort to apologize and make sure his words didn't hurt you badly. If they did, he would spend hours on end talking it out and making sure you know that he would never mean anything that would hurt you. He cares about you a lot and your smile is his favorite.

♡  Ishikirimaru might be a little pushy when you talk badly about yourself. He loves everything about you and it hurts him when you think you are lesser than everyone. He will often try to stop you before you go too far with talking down upon yourself and give you plenty of compliments, even if they embarrass you. He wants you to know that you are deserving of love and that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. You have your own talents and people cherish you for being you. They want you in their life because you are you.

♡  "Aruji, I haven't been human long but I understand that being human is a complicated task. The mind can be a cruel one and the deadliest thing to our souls. My words may not mean much but please trust me when I say that you like you for you. You will see things you do not like about yourself because you are stuck with yourself constantly so you will pick up things that others will not. We are all hard on ourselves. Life is even worse on us. So take a deep breath and let yourself receive a little kindness. You deserve it. You give out so much to everyone so you need to know that it is okay to love things about yourself and be proud of who you are. You will make mistakes and not everyone will be your friend but that is okay, because you are human and you have your own life. Surround yourself with people that will love and appreciate you for who you are now. I love and appreciate you for who you are, aruji. So.. Don't be so hard on yourself, alright? It hurts my fragile heart when I see you beat yourself up for small mistakes. It's okay to stumble at times, just get up again... okay? I'll lend you my hand as well."

♡  As you can tell, Ishikirimaru is a very good listener. His whole life as a sword was to listen to those of the pained and give guidance. Even if he couldn't exactly do that in his sword form, he can do that now! He will listen to everything you have to say. Don't be shy to ramble to him. He will give you a happy smile as he listens. Tell him about the things that make you happy, what make you angry, what makes you laugh, and what makes you sad. Ishikirimaru will be right by your side, offering tea and a shoulder if you need it. You aren't alone and he will make sure you know that you don't have to face these thoughts alone.

♡  Just as how you are see through and can't lie, Ishikirimaru has a similar issue. He has a very hard time ever lying and chooses to never lie. The only time he will lie is if it is to protect others. He will often put himself in the painful position in missions so others don't have to face the hardship. He tries to not do it often because he knows that people care about him and he doesn't have to face things alone, but he would rather not see anyone sad if he can help it!

♡  He finds your embarrassed face the cutest thing in the world. Don't be scared to tell him to stop if the compliments become too much for you to handle! He will laugh it off and apologize for going too far with his comments. As stated above, he doesn't lie. So just know that every compliment he gives you is a very sincere comment that he means with his whole heart. Ishikirimaru doesn't need much affection, as long as you show that you simply care about him, he is happy. He would like to hold your hand from time to time but otherwise, he wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wish to do. Go at your own pace in the relationship, he won't rush you!

♡  Ishikirimaru will tell you anything you wish to learn! He might not have a library of knowledge of the past due to being stuck in a shrine for most of his life but he had also studied and learned about the history he came from. If you take an interest in his prayers and religion, he would gladly tell you all the tales he is aware of and teach you the cleansing sermon he often does to give positive spiritual energy. It is something that brings him peace of mind and makes him happy to talk about, so if you are willing to learn about what makes him who he is today and what makes him happy, he would be overjoyed to share all his knowledge to you.

♡  He understands very well the appeal of getting work done to the best of your ability and making it look the best you can. He wouldn't label himself a perfectionist but he does want to do the best he can. Often with cleaning. You will often see him stuck in a room all day because he wants to make sure it is spotless before he comes out and continues work else where. Though... by the time he is done... It is dinner time. Perhaps the two of you could work together and get work done to the point you are both happy with it.

♡  Ishikirimaru is also someone who happens to stay inside for the most part. The only time he goes outside would be to enjoy tea in the sun or if he has to work the field/horse keeping. Ishikirimaru is a very soft spoken and gentle man so you don't have to worry about him every raising his voice and scaring you. If there is ever a loud noise, whether it is other swords or a storm outside, he will gently hold your hand and try to calm you down. He will assure you that it's okay to not like loud noises but he will make sure that nothing hurts you. He will even try to lead you away to somewhere that may be a little more quiet. Giving you a distraction to get your mind off the noise. He wants nothing more than you to feel comfortable and safe.

♡  Depending on the game, he may want to play with you! He tends to like card games even though he is very easy to read and often loses. He tends to laugh about it after when he realizes that he was accidentally showing his hand every time he set down his cards to get a sip of tea. If it's video games, he would prefer to just watch you play and talk to you while you enjoy the game. He isn't the biggest fan but still enjoys to watch! Ishikirimaru is a pretty good teacher! So if you wish to study with him, he would be flattered that you wished to study with him out of everyone. He is very understanding that some material is hard to memorize out of no where. He would just softly correct you and tell you to work on it a little more. He rewards you with sweets every time you do really well on any test he gives you to test how much you remember.

♡  Ishikirimaru would be the most understanding and gentle partner. He wants nothing more than you being comfortable and happy. He would work hard on you slowly forgiving yourself when you make a mistake and love yourself a little more. He would never give up on you and be there if you ever needed.

[citrineghost]

A Letter to WordPress

Dear WordPress,

Tumblr has been around for a good while now and many of us have been here since the beginning (or close to it). It’s become something of a comfort and a home base for many. You can understand then why it’s so terrifying and tension-setting when a new owner comes around.

This website has been through a lot of changes, very few of them good in recent years. I want to open up a dialogue from the user base about our feelings and desires surrounding this site, because to so many of us, not only its design and function, but its success and future are a big deal.

Obviously not all of the things I list below will be universal opinions, but I’ll try to outline some of the things I’ve seen the majority of users want. I’ll also throw in some things that are more personal, because I can’t claim to know everything the rest of the users want, but I can tell you where I see obvious problems.

First and foremost, here’s an obvious one. You can’t really go anywhere on Tumblr without knowing: we want the bots and the nazis gone. We need some kind of captcha system for every time someone wants to include a hyperlink in a post or response. Until the staff count gets higher, I would honestly suggest closing down the report system for everything but bots, nazis, and death threats/suicide bait.

Make NSFW content welcome again. Outside of porn bots, the pervasiveness of NSFW content is slim to none. As long as minors and those with ‘NSFW’ blacklisted aren’t seeing the NSFW content, there’s nothing wrong with it being here. A large number of the people posting NSFW content on here are artists who use this content to make a living on commissions. The ban has done nothing but make valuable members of the Tumblr community leave and take their art elsewhere. The focus should be cracking down on anyone who isn’t properly tagging NSFW content with ‘NSFW’. If the focus is put on that, the problem with NSFW content will be null.

Please keep Tumblr unintegrated with other social media. Most users will agree, the anonymity is such a huge part of what draws us to Tumblr. Other people only know what we tell them and it’s very appealing for our real life accounts (e.g. Google, Facebook, etc.) to be completely separate. When users want to share links to other accounts, they can do so easily with links on their blogs.

Replace ads with either, better, more sensible ads or members content. A large part of the ads on Tumblr make absolutely zero sense just by looking at them. Not to mention, they’re all completely unfit for the user base. I’ve seen weight-loss ads (harmful to the many people on the site recovering from eating disorders) and ads for products most people wouldn’t need or want until their forties. Most of the user base is 13-35, if I had to guess. I can tell you right now, you would make more money and the user base would be much happier if ads were removed in favor of members content. Adding a paid membership that allows users to gain access to new features (rather than restricting what’s already here) would be a huge boost in morale and company income. Use that income to improve the site. Don’t get comfortable making more than the bare minimum in profit until the website is functioning reasonably well. Hint: it’s not right now.

Keep the base functions of Tumblr. Don’t try and get radical, hoping big changes will excite the community. They won’t. We’re creatures of habit and we just want memes, fandom, and relatable nonsense. Keep reblogging, replies, customizable blogs, tags, and likes functionally the same.

Be receptive to bug reports and post change logs so that the community knows that they’re being addressed and fixed.

These are the obvious pleas of the community. Please keep in mind that the heart of Tumblr is in its users and if you ostracize us, there will be nothing left. We love this website and we want to see it thrive as much as anyone. We just don’t want to sacrifice the spirit of the community in the process.

Read more under the cut if you want to see some more of my own personal suggestions. I’d love for other users to sound off in the replies with whether they agree with any of the pleas or suggestions and also give their own!

Okay, so, here are some personal opinions that are by no means the voice of the community. I think they’re pretty sensible, but what do I know?

Change back the color. I hate this saturated navy color and I’m pretty sure a lot of others do too. I’m part of the disabled community and I know and have seen people saying that these extremely contrasted colors that were added are making their Tumblr experience worse. It gives people headaches due to light sensitivity and, frankly, it’s ugly. If you’d like to cater to those who are visually impaired/colorblind, that’s fantastic! Do so with an account setting that turns on higher contrast mode or adds patterns to things to make them distinguishable.

Add an option to blog suggestions and posts that have shown up on your dash from followed tags that says “Stop Suggesting This.” I’ve been suggested a number of blogs that I’m not interested in following. I don’t want to block the user, but I do want some different suggestions and for those blogs to stop showing up in suggestions. I’m also tired of seeing the same post twenty times from a tag I follow. There is currently an option that says “This particular posts sucks.” While I think that was a great attempt at catering to the community, I don’t want to use it because my intuition says that there’s a negative connotation. Does me saying the post sucks make it show up less for other people? Does it lose popularity? I can’t tell. The only thing I know is that I don’t want to say that a good post sucks just to make it quit showing up on my dash.

Implement some of the features that XKit uses. I would bet at least a quarter, if not more, of Tumblr users use XKit to make using Tumblr less painful. That shouldn’t be the case. Tumblr should have these functionality options available in dashboard settings.

A very hot take here that many might disagree with: Make notes viewable more like mobile has them. As it is, it’s hard to tell which ones I’ve seen on desktop. It can be tricky on mobile too, honestly, but it’s easier than on desktop. I would also heavily suggest making the unseen notifications darker so that they stand out and making a button to indicate that you’ve seen them.

Keep the dash, messages, notes, and profile as separate processes similar to how mobile has it. The trek all the way down the damn dashboard is a long one. I want to be able to see notes and messages in full size without losing my dash progress. When I switch back I want to be right where I was. I understand if this one isn’t possible or practical. It was just something I like about mobile over desktop but I’m aware that they’re two different beasts with different capabilities.

As far as the aforementioned members features, I do have some ideas, but I can’t guarantee they’re the best the user base has to offer. I’m sure others could think of better. Anyway, some things I’ve thought of are groups/clubs, digital currency, and separate dashboards. So, as it stands, You can have multiple blogs on one account. People can follow them separately. That’s fantastic. What would also be nice though, is being allowed to make separate dashboards. This would probably take up another chunk of server space, so I understand if it isn’t feasible right now, but I would jot it down. The ability to separate shitposts, aesthetic imagery, fandom content, and NSFW would be amazing. If you follow a huge number of blogs, like me, you could even make a friends dash so that you don’t miss your friends’ posts. It would just be a matter of allowing people to add and name their new dashboards. Then, when they go to follow people, it prompts them to choose what dash their content goes to. You could even simplify it by making the follow button default to the main dash, but adding a little dropdown arrow beside it. You could then choose which dash to add them to from a list. Below are some bad paint-drawn concept drawings.

Anyway, I hope this has all been helpful in some way. I’m fairly certain that WordPress will never actually read this, but it was cathartic to write and I hope it will be cathartic for someone else to read.

Sincerely, birb-ghost

[ladyfawkes]

New Dream/Angelic Dream - New Dream Appreciation Week - Day 4 | Hurt/Comfort

While I don’t have a specific Eugene/Rapunzel New Dream story, this one is still very New Dream-centric in its own way. Some may have seen it before but most have not. It’s very personal and dear to me and I kind of considered it appropriate, considering we’re coming upon a certain anniversary in just three days.....

“When Eugene called Rapunzel Sunshine, I felt that…”

Confession: I feel this each and every time Eugene says this. Especially since Sunshine is an actual nickname of mine. My heart skips a beat because….it’s what my fiancé used to call me. And I say “used to” because he passed away before we could get married. It’s high time I explained to everybody the reason why I glommed onto Tangled the Series for dear life…since I’ve been putting it off for the past 4 months. Got less than a week left til the series finale….. and this series came along right when I needed it.

When I began getting deeper into Tangled fandom, it wasn’t until around later October 2019. I was feeling a real hankering for more of Eugene Fitzherbert’s singing voice. Confession 2: Until Autumn 2019, I had NO IDEA that Zachary Levi had voiced Flynn Rider, both speaking AND singing!! At the time, the main thing that drew me to Flynn was his singing voice. I never forgot that. Like so many others, I fell in love with Tangled’s soundtrack and specially with “I See the Light” and “I’ve Got a Dream”, etc.

Confession 3: I’ve had a crush on Zachary Levi ever since the first episode of Chuck. Even though Chuck’s social and emotional insecurities are a rather enormously huge humorous part of the plot, the way Zac portrayed that anxiety and other types of raw emotions were real. He possesses a markedly rare ability to elicit laughter and tears within the same scene, and sometimes within the very same moment of a scene. While it’s an exceptional gift to exhibit that ability, it nearly always means that underneath it all, the reason why you can perceive this type of emotion so plainly from any given actor is because they’ve experienced those feelings on a personal level in their private lives. Nobody ever told me this, it’s something I learned through observation. It’s true of writers too…and composers. The best way to telegraph emotion through a given medium to someone else is often by having initially having experienced those emotions for yourself. It wouldn’t be until years after Chuck began that Zac would feel comfortable enough to share his mental health history with his fans…and we’d begin to learn just how deep he truly is.

With all of this in mind, I was perusing YouTube with the intent of finding more of “Flynn Rider’s singing voice” and imagine my shock & delight when a whole bunch of Tangled the Series and Tangled Before Ever After songs showed up in my search!!! Then I Looked up the fan wikia only to discover that it was none other than our dear Zachary Levi who had voiced Eugene Fitzherbert!!! I got positively thrilled and was already on Cloud Nine before I’d even begun watching it. Despite Disney’s, uh, thorny history with spinoffs, I couldn’t help but be excited as I learned most of the original cast had returned as well!!

I queued up Tangled Before Ever After and was instantly transported, instantly fell in love. I truly did not expect to be as drawn to Eugene as I was….in the film version, I wasn’t so sure about him….but I gravitated toward him immediately in the series. At first, I really didn’t know why. The feeling seemed familiar somehow and again….I didn’t know why. I couldn’t figure it out.

As I watched the first few episodes, I was constantly live-gushing (that’s akin to live-tweeting, only over Messenger instead) about the show with my friend Samara as I watched; Sammeh is also a Tangled superfan. I was continually talking about how it was the Disney’s best spinoff I had ever seen, how I was shocked that they cast SO MANY original cast members, original songwriters, etc. I can unequivocally state I haven’t loved an animated series this much in my life, even as a child. Then I was describing how much I could not get over the healthy, loving relationship portrayed between Eugene and Rapunzel. As I sat describing it, I suddenly said, “Oh my gosh. Sammeh…..”  And it caused me to freeze. Even though Sam had known my former fiancé just as long as we’d known each other, I didn’t know if Sam would think I was nuts for suggesting that certain aspects of Eugene’s personality reminded me of Anthony. After a long pause, I typed as much to her, “I don’t know if I should say this to you…..” yet I needn’t have worried, because Sam completed my thought for me: “You’re gonna say he’s like Anthony.” I was so surprised I said, “YES!!! How did you know I was gonna say that?!”

”Easy. Because I’ve seen it too.”

In spite of myself, I wept after she said that. So I wasn’t just imaging it. I’m getting teary-eyed now just thinking about it.

The love between Eugene and Rapunzel reminds me of the love I had with my Anthony. Anthony was not intimidated by my inner strength, we took turns rescuing each other, he was willing to listen to me talk for hours and hours and hours and I did the same with him, we took turns forever teasing one another, we couldn’t ever stay angry with each other, we always talked things out. He was forever encouraging my talents and dreams. We hung out with an unlikely, rag-tag group of friends. And especially the way Eugene caresses Rapunzel’s face, kisses her forehead….and spontaneously says _the most heart-melting romantic things….._that was just like my Anthony. And of course, he called me “The light in my life….My Sunshine.”

Now….while Anthony didn’t die while rescuing me from an enemy, his was a sacrifice of a different kind….for shortly before he passed, he was experiencing far too much mental strife….never once did he self-disclose this, though….and unfortunately, we didn’t learn until after the fact. It became apparent he felt his only way out was to take his own life.

Needless to say, I crawled into a very dark place after he died. I tried very hard not to….but over the prior 18 months I’d already lost so very much. I’d lost a job, loss of place to live, for months, I was being literally starved by my abusive-prior-ex-boyfriend ….I just shriveled up inside due to self-doubt, self-hatred, and I couldn’t speak about anything.

Even from 1800 miles away at the time, Anthony managed to be the one person to draw it all out of me. (I was estranged from most family at the time – with good reason) and I told him everything….and he listened to all of it, never interrupting, never judging, never being anything but his amazing self. Somehow, after two years of friendship and listening to one another, Anthony had fallen in love with me….even though all of the garbage I told him. To this day, I do not know what he saw in me. But something inside knew that if I could just strive to put good things surrounding that fateful date, its anniversary would lose its sting and I could heal and live the way Anthony would’ve wanted me to live. Although I’d described some of the lowlights, I’ve definitely had moments in my life that have filled me with much love and light.

I’ve been so very scared to type all of this out, put it all out there, for fear of being…..judged. Ridiculed. You know how the internet can be……naturally there’s a lot more to this story that I would like to share with you yet this has already become prohibitively lengthy.

The whole point is to say that it’s been nearly 14 long years since I last heard Anthony’s light sweet southern drawl. And through the magical medium of Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, this show effectively allowed me the heartwarming and bittersweet chance to feel a small part of his love within my life again. I don’t know quite how it happened….but happen it did….right when I needed it. Anthony and I were very flirty and silly and ridiculous as a couple, just the way you would expect two twitter-pated people to be….the way Eugene calls Rapunzel “Sunshine” and caresses her cheek….the way he looks at her ….with his heart is full of so much love that it touches his warm brown eyes….those things remind me most of Anthony. Hopefully you can see why it’s been so difficult to, ah, self-disclose this information about myself.

So…..thank you for that from the bottom of my heart, Disney, Chris Sonnenburg, Shane Prigmore, Tara Nicole Whitaker, Tom Caulfield, Stephen Sandoval, Zachary Levi, Mandy Moore, Eden Espinoza, James Iglehart, Jeremy Jordan, Kevin Kleisch, Alan Menken, Glenn Slater, Anna Lencioni, and anybody else whom I’ve missed…..

[thefloatingstone]

The whole “they’re just evil” is ableist too though. It’s basically saying well, we thought they were mentally ill, but no, they’re just evil. Similar to how people will say “you’re not depressed, you’re just lazy.” And the whole “evil child” trope can be dangerous. Some child abusers “justify” their actions by framing their neurodivergent (mentally ill, mentally disabled, autistic, etc) child as being evil or unnatural. “creepy” behaviours in movies are common in ppl that are neurodivergent.1/2

I think what it comes down to is that the horror genre is about intent in its subject matter.

The reason I like horror is because when horror is done well, it represents very clearly the fears and paranoias of the era the movie was made in.

Early horror movies (before the hayes code) had a LOT of subtext where the big fear usually was caught up in sex in some way or another. And not in an exploitative way. Movies like Cat People and Dr. Jekyl and Mrs Hyde are to do with young people who are engaged and, because it’s the 30s, are not sexually active with each other yet, but they WANT to be. And a lot of early horror has to do with sexual repression.

And then you have zombie movies which came into their own after Night of the Living Dead in 1969 and became a genre in the 70s. Zombie movies being a cultural fear of losing control of yourself and getting assimilated into a group which is slowly devouring your way of life. This can be a metaphor for immigrants, other religions, a change in social climate and old societal structures no longer being embraced by the younger generation (Zombie movies became super popular in the 70s, after the Vietnam war which was extremely protested by the younger generation, as well as racial tensions in the US rising as African Americans were coming more freely in society following the abolishment of America’s segregation in the 60s)

But some horror movies deal with fears which are universal and not contained in one one era. The fear of death is a big one but rather vague in of itself. And when framed in a movie can be rather shallow (like a slasher movie) or very deep and complex (like Jacob’s ladder or Masque of the Red Death). Other universal fears are things like war, home invasion by a criminal, being hunted (either by an animal or another human), the unknown (this often taking the form of “evil” in terms of ghosts and demons and possession etc etc), one’s own body succumbing to disease (which is where body horror comes from) and the loss of control of oneself (this is where mind control and possession and other dehumanising tropes are used, although these can cross over into the trope of cultural tension. The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is all about loved ones being replaced with unknown enemy creatures and was made (twice) during the US’ cold war with Russia)

One of the great universal fears is the concept of not being in control of one’s own mind. It doesn’t matter if you’re neurotypical or have a form of mental illness, the core concept of losing yourself to your own mind is a horrific one (and I mean this in terms of the concept, not the reality) so I feel horror movies that deal with this trope WELL, understand how to channel that fear into an effective story that resonates with its audience, regardless of who they are. However, this is VERY different than the much easier and lazier method of just claiming a bad guy is “crazy”. Because the neurotypical audience will still nod and go “yes it is very scary to think of people being crazy like that or even of myself losing my mind. That is a scary thought.” but it does NOT use the trope with the complexity and depth it needs to properly express that dark fear.

The other great fear, and one used FAR less frequently in horror movies simply because it is disturbing, is the innate fear parents have that a baby who they wish to love could have “something wrong with it.” not out of stigmatism, but because (most often) parents wish for the best for their children, and the concept of a child having a problem the parents can’t fix is terrifying. This is where movies like Eraserhead come from, however it also ties into the fear of mental illness.

There is also the thing that having mental illness within the bad guy character gives to horror but which is not only reserved for mental illness, and this is where the “evil” explanation comes from; and that is the horror that comes from the idea that a bad person is not someone you can recognise in the street as a threat. That you cannot see someone and immediately go “oh well they have horns so I KNOW they’re dangerous!” but that threat and danger and harm can hide in the nicest, kindest, most ordinary looking people. In modern times we now know you don’t need mental illness to be a threat and look normal, but I feel this is why mental illness is often used.

This brand of horror is also very important because it asks the audience “what is the difference between the person in the movie doing terrible things, and you, the audience member, who probably assumes themselves to be a good person?” Mental illness is a good answer to this because it gives the audience the uncomfortable thought of “if I had the same mental struggles, would I be doing terrible things like this too? What makes me “a good person”? Am I any different than the bad guy at all?”

Horror is a good genre because it shines a light on fears and insecurities and paranoias of human beings. Either culturally, or psychologically. And I feel the problem is that so often complex ideas and reasons BEHIND the horror is lazily boiled down to “oh well they were just crazy. That’s all.” which makes the audience not have to worry about it because “oh of course. They’re just crazy. Not like me. I’m not crazy at all.”

But this is…. this is bad writing :/ and as the previous post said (if you are the same anon) it is the using of the trope in a lazy way which reinforces itself as harmful. And you often see this in cheap horror movies who are NOT trying to say something about humanity’s deep rooted fears, but just want some teenagers to scream in the theater for 90 minutes at some fake blood and a “scary bad guy”.

I agree that modern movies should not reinforce bad stereotypes of mental illness as we often see in badly written lazy horror films, but I don’t think it’s a topic that should be untoucheable in terms of story telling. Because I feel then we deny a huge part of the human psychology.

hmmm…. how do I put this…..

Ok maybe this’ll make more sense.

Silent Hill 2 is a game where the entire subtext and plot is about depression. Without it being a plot point in any way, the game feels like it is trying to EXPRESS depression. And it expresses depression in the form of horror visuals both in terms of monsters and scenery. Depression is never mentioned and nobody talks about the symptoms of depression (not counting Angela’s suicidal thoughts but that’s not really the point here). Silent Hill 2 is a story about depression and fatal illness and suicidal thoughts. It is a game about the horror of those feelings… And you could even easily say the game even features a character with depression who is a murderer… but the game is not presenting depression as an “explanation”. But it is a game ABOUT depression. Through its visuals, sound design, atmosphere, music, it all builds together to present itself AS depression.

And I feel we need stories like that. It presents mental illness in a horrific light… but it’s… it’s different, you know? And I feel having the ability to tell horror stories about mental illness is important because then we can have stories like Silent Hill 2, which in a weird way becomes comforting if you’ve ever experienced depression. It’s like you go back to Silent Hill 2 when you’re in a depressive state and you just feel…. a little better? like “yes…. this is the emotion I am feeling. This is what it’s like. Somebdy else understands it, and this story resonates with me. And I am not alone.”

I know that is a completely different thing than what we were talking about regarding “bad guy characters in a horror movie have mental illness” but I feel it’s an important point…. because Silent Hill 2 is literally about a guy who killed someone and has a mental illness…. the difference is he’s not framed as a bad guy, but as sympathetic. WITHOUT condoning his actions.

And as for “evil” like “oh he’s not crazy he’s just evil”, I understand what you mean but I think of it more regarding either tied to religious beliefs which is a more personal fear and varies depending on who the person watching the movie is…. or the evil which is like…. Ted Bundy…. and I don’t really want to talk about that because it legit makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

(also Horror is AMONG my favourite genres or sub genres. But it depends on the film. But it’s a genre I legit am fascinated by, enjoy depending on the film, and have watched and read and own WAY too many books about).

A big function of horror movies is to acknowledge the fears humans carry within us, as well as the darker sides of humanity as a whole, and horror movies gives us a way to confront that, and not simply try to ignore it while it festers away in the back of our minds.

So it’s difficult because you can’t say “you can’t make a horror movie about x” because it ends up being more harmful than good…. but at the same time reinforcing stigmas that hurt oppressed groups is also something which should NOT be done.

This is why I tend to judge horror movies on a case by case basis X’D and also consider context, era, country of origin etc etc.

And it’s why I’m talking about this topic in such long posts. Because I feel it’s a complex problem.

But I fully agree we need a public ed campaign in teaching people about the context in which older horror movies were made and to understand how to be critical of their themes while still being able to be entertained by them.

….I didn’t even go into how monster movies like King Kong and Creature from the Black Lagoon are about cultural paranoias about people from different ethnicities and cultures “coming to steal our women”, and why you are seeing a lot more “monster fuckers” these days as our culture is slowly learning to be more empathetic to “those who are other”. Like…. I didn’t even go INTO that part of it.

…..I like horror u guys.

[gurumuscle]

How to improve your life? Transformative change with CrossFit.

How CrossFit can help change your life? Heal your life with the Guru Muscle community.

In this article, we're going to talk about how CrossFit can be a great way to improve your life. You may ask yourself How to change your life for the better physique?

  What is CrossFit and how did it start?

CrossFit was originally designed by Greg Glassman in 2001, described as a performance-based fitness program that focuses on functional movement. It is a strength training style workout with free weights that pushes your physical activity to the sky. It's functional training that helps you to lose weight if you really work hard. It consists of constantly varied, high intensity and functional movements performed at relatively low impact to increase the body's ability to adapt and recover.

CrossFit is a training program that focuses on fitness, strength and power. It makes your physical activity 100% better. CrossFit has evolved over the years to be more than just an exercise program. It now has a community of people who come together to live their lives in ways that are more meaningful and fulfilling.

CrossFit combines standard strength training, explosive plyometrics, speed training, Olympic weightlifting, kettlebells, shadowboxing, gymnastics and endurance exercise in order to improve the five (5) major components of physical fitness: cardiorespiratory fitness, stamina, muscular strength and endurance, flexibility, power and speed.

CrossFit workouts typically focus on explosive, whole-body exercises. The main CrossFit moves include pushing, pulling, running, rowing, and squatting.

  What are the benefits of CrossFit?

The benefits of CrossFit are endless. CrossFit training is a form of functional fitness, which helps increase strength, endurance, flexibility, balance and mobility. One of the most important is its ability to decrease body fat. It is a different kind of workout that will get you out of your comfort zone and to your next level. With an intense cardio workout, intense weight workouts, and a wide variety of exercises that work out different areas of your body, there is no limit to what you can achieve. It is also an effective way to increase your metabolism, burn calories, and maintain overall health. CrossFit has helped individuals improve their strength and cardiovascular health. It also helps people lose weight, get stronger, and improve their overall quality of life. A study found that CrossFit can lead to an increased risk of injury. It also has negative effects on your body and mental health.

CrossFit is not just for competitive athletes, but bodybuilders and powerlifters might benefit from brief periods of training to mix up their routine. This is a very effective way of improving your life and mindfulness.

  It's more interesting than the same old gym routine

CrossFit is not your typical gym workout. The workouts are intense with high intensity and short rest periods, but they're also fun. It allows for a transformative change in your life.

1. It makes you actually want to work out.

2. It can help you with physical and mental health issues.

3. It is fun and challenging.

4. It is designed to improve your life.

5. And you find your gym buddy with the same interest as yours.

  You can start with a burpee

This is an exercise that involves beginning in a standing position, quickly dropping to the floor and doing a push-up, then coming up to a squatting position and explosively jumping straight up. You squat down as far as your thighs will go before quickly standing back up and stepping over the barbell you’ve just pressed overhead.

CrossFit also often uses kettlebells (a weighted ball with a handle on top), medicine balls, climbing ropes, jump ropes, resistance bands and rowing machines.

It turns you into a weightlifter

Many people are not aware of the health benefits that come with staying in shape. There are many different workout routines to choose from, but it's important to find one that is interesting and fun.

"I was turned on to Crossfit and I'm still a huge fan of the workout. Especially weight lifting. The workouts are not easy by any means, but they're effective and transformational" David said.

It is very important to stay in shape, so it is best if you do not go on diets so hard but you do lift weights along with healthy foods. When you lift weights, your body will build muscle and make you stronger. Weightlifting is a way to keep yourself in shape and gives you self-confidence in what you actually do. It is not easy to start weight lifting, but with time and dedication, you will get the hang of it. If you don't know how best to start, use a local personal trainer who will give you good advice on exercise equipment such as kettle bells, bars, dumbbells, medicine balls etc.

  How does CrossFit affect your body?

It's not the kind of workout that people who are new to exercise or fitness may want to try. This is why it helps if you have a good plan. Here are some examples of transformative changes that have helped people improve their lives with CrossFit.

It has many benefits you would really enjoy. People usually ask "What is the journey of changes?" This is a very common question asked to those who have taken on a new CrossFit training regime. It's not an easy journey and requires a lot of time and effort.

Don't know how to find purpose in Crossfit? Healing your life has never been easier. Read some comments below from the team Guru Muscle.

"I would say that the most important thing you can do to improve your life is to get a membership. The benefits of this type of fitness are that you will get in the best shape of your life, have tons of energy, and feel great. This is an authentic life I live in. Heavy lifting is my passion now." David, personal trainer.

"I started CrossFit 3 years ago. It was really an emotional change and experience. I was even getting more energy with small changes. I started doing CrossFit as a way to improve my life and make me feel healthier." Marketa said.

"I was frustrated because I wasn't getting anywhere with my work. Then one day, something changed for me and my attitude started changing. Weight lifting is my new life and I fell in love with it from the first week." Patrik said.

"CrossFit has helped me to develop a better understanding of my body's mechanics. I have learned things about my body and movement that I never knew. My goal now is to become a personal trainer and I'm pretty sure I'll get perfect advice in our CrossFit gym." Martin said.

  Some of the most common mistakes people make when doing Crossfit

Some of the most common mistakes people make when doing Crossfit are not going at a pace that they can sustain and trying to do too much too soon.

It's always a good idea to ask your doctor before starting a new exercise program.

One of the most common mistakes everyone makes when doing Crossfit is not working with a personal trainer. You'll need to work with a coach who exactly knows how he can help you to start with.

Beginners should go at a slower pace so they can learn proper techniques before moving to the next level. They should also understand what exercise equipment they need to use.

Change yourself change your life

Change your mind change your life with CrossFit. It not only helps with weight loss but also provides the necessary training for your overall fitness. These are the types of changes that can be made through fitness. Keep your life in balance between family, quality food and sports like Crossfit.

Anyone can do CrossFit, which is scalable to work for people of all fitness levels. But CrossFit workouts are no joke. You don't just need physical strength if you're trying CrossFit especially when you train with barbells, bars, kettlebells or just a simple burpee. You also need mental strength.

Your gym buddy becomes your best friend. CrossFit is a supportive community and helps you to transform your life because of the support it provides every day. The amount of motivation you get you won't see anywhere else.

  So what's your life plan?

Only you can change your lifestyle. You can start by measuring your BMI here. Also, don't forget to sign up for our Facebook group where you can get some tips and ideas on any type of workout. Social media is a great way how you could get some inspiration from the CrossFit community and where you can find your gym buddy. You can also join us at CrossFit games in 2022 and meet our team.

#crossfit #fitness #gurumuscle #workout #training #australia #healthylife #sport #gym #burpee #gymshark #gymlovers #prague #lifestyle #diet #bikini #mrolympia

from Guru Muscle - Blog - Fitness & Gym Tips For Your Workout https://ift.tt/3EwrYvD

[rachywritessomething]

My “brick and mortar” MLM horror story

So, I figure a lot of my subs and mutuals are younger folks who will be looking for a solid source of income this summer and if you are looking for a marketing position, you could be sucked into something you really don’t want to do.

In San Diego, there are A LOT of these multi level marketing type companies that prey (yes, prey) upon young, energetic people. I have been sucked into one and the resulting stress of working 60+ hours a week of that utter bs made me so sick that I was going into the urgent care clinic before work every other week. Ulcers, UTIs, ear infections... just a lot of shit that I’ve not dealt with on such a substantial level since I was very young.

I’ll tell you the story of how I got sucked in.

tl;dr I was so caught up in this MLM that I didn’t get to see my grandpa before he died.

The summer after my JR year of college, I was late in finding an internship because I had been studying abroad and a lot of places ignored my requests for phone interviews. It was not a huge deal because I had already planned on taking the fall semester off to work anyway. The week before I flew out to Cali, I got a call requesting an interview. The receptionist who called me (a sweet gal who left the company shortly after I did) told me that my resume looked solid and that they would love to interview me. I informed her I would be in Cali by the end of the week to which she responded:

“We’ll get you in for an interview as soon as possible. Our hiring window is closing and we only have a limited number of spaces.”

This is a sales tactic I would soon learn. It’s called “fear of loss” and by making something seem limited, you create a sense of urgency in the person you’re trying to sell to.

Now, this job was advertised as “sports marketing” which seemed kind of jocky to me, but I had marketing experience and I was in excellent shape so I figured it would be easy to step into a workplace dominated by men.

I was so wrong.

So, the first thing I discovered when I went into my first interview is that this marketing company took up one small office. Most of it consisted of a lobby like section with a TV and a pool table. They were also playing up-beat electronic music. It wasn’t quite what I expected from a professional work setting, but I didn’t mind.

My first “interview” was a five minute conversation with the boss, a man I would grow to resent. He asked me about what I liked, he asked me if I played sports, he asked me about a “team mentality” and I told him what he wanted to hear because I really wanted a paid job. When he talked about the job itself, he skirted around the details and focused mostly on compensation.

They won’t tell you exactly what you’re going to be doing right off the bat. They want to make you feel like it’s an exclusive opportunity.

I was invited back for a second interview which got into more detail about the sales. We were told we only needed to sell to one lead a day to be able to make the big bucks which “sounds easy, right?” Right.

The one thing they mentioned that struck me as a red flag was that we would be working 11:00-8:00 6 days a week. But I brushed it off because it’s all about the grind, right?

Wrong. This job was not some cushy office job even though we were required to show up to work wearing suits. It was direct marketing, which is door to door sales. From 11:00-20:00, we were at the office in out business professional clothing for the morning meeting, during which we were indoctrinated.

Yes. Indoctrinated. 

These meetings were about how this job would make you the most money out of any job. My boss would sometimes have us throw out our “greatest desires” which always translated to something flashy from my coworkers. On one occasion, I was nearly driven to tears because my boss kept telling me to list what I wanted. Now, I’m not going to say I’m not material, but I honestly want to just live comfortably, not buy a mansion and a boat. I wanted contentment with my living situation but that was NOT an answer.

The main ideas that these meetings pushed were that you had to grind and suffer now so that in ten years you could live in the lap of luxury. You could make hella money without raising a finger. Anyone who worked in anything else didn’t know how to live because they would not be able to retire at 30. It was all about hustling and having a good attitude.

From 12:00-1:00, we had an hour off which was actually spent driving to some fast food place for lunch, changing into our field clothes, and then driving to the field itself. 

We were in the field from 1:00 - 8:00 with no individual vehicle. We had no means of leaving and in many cases we were in very residential areas which means there was no place to use the restroom. We were supposed to ask when we made a sale.

Now, what I’d like to impress is that I was the only sales woman in the office for a while and when we went to the field, we were alone in the field. So the first thing I realized was that even in uniform, men whistled, watched, and followed me. The first few weeks were not so bad because it was summer and it was light out until 8:00 p.m. which was when I was picked up from my neighborhood, but that did not last. Being alone in the dark was NOT something I was comfortable with, and requesting that I get picked up earlier was out of the question.

It’s about the grind after all.

 There was one instance in particular when I told one of my managers that I had been followed for several blocks and was forced out of my area so I could try to shake this guy. He laughed like it was just a funny thing to happen at work.

I didn’t even bother to try to point out that being without access to a restroom for 7+ hours a day was not practical for me. I took to wearing black pants when I was on my period and walking to gas stations or stores if I was so lucky to be within a mile of them. Thankfully I was never caught walking out of my territory because that’s a big no-no.

As were taking breaks.

We could sit down when we made a sale.

Now, I want you to picture someone coming up to your door, knocking, and striking up a conversation with you. They want to sell you AT&T. Yes. Fucking AT&T. You’re obviously going to slam the door in their face and honestly, I don’t blame you.

I would get a sale about every other day. I actually wasn’t too bad at it. But I was starting to get sick from all this. Like, can’t sleep kind of sick. So my attitude isn’t as great, I’m lethargic, I’m wandering onto hiking paths because I’m in enough pain or I’m nauseous enough that I can’t open my mouth. Then the sales stop.

It’s 100% commission so I’m not making any money. I am, however, losing $60/week in gas to drive 30 minutes to and from this place. Oh, and remember what I said about this job running from 11:00-8:00? Yea, that’s a lie. We often wouldn’t get back from the field until 9:00, and then we had to do daily breakdowns which never lasted less than a half hour. Thursday nights were team bonding nights because why the fuck not. We played sports, video games, and we even went to Dave&Busters a few times. I liked the “away” team nights because I could cry in my car for a little bit before going.

Skipping team night was a big no-no too. 

Here I was, getting sicker and sicker, worrying over my ability to make any money at all, and trying to justify taking time off work because I wanted to fly back to Indiana to see my grandpa one last time.

Did I mention he was dying? 

Yes, I kept putting off this trip because I felt this irrational desire to get back on the horse and make something for myself first. It wasn’t even a matter of buying tickets because my mom said she would buy them for me. She knew I wasn’t making any money. She knew I was getting sick. 

My whole family wanted me to stop. I was working six days a week and on the one day I had off, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything because I was so socially exhausted. No going to the beach, no hiking, no nothing. I just sat in my parents’ apartment and tried to will myself to go to the pool.

My last day of work was my final straw. My boss was getting angry because I wasn’t making any sales and I had a bad attitude. My homework for the weekend then was to send in proof that I had been “networking” in with my weekly goals (because we actually had to submit weekly goals every Sunday anyway) I went home, I did nothing that Sunday.

Monday rolled around and I was up early and dressed to go to work, but I was writing because it was November and it was the only thing I could enjoy. My older sister worked not too far from my parents’ place and she came over for breakfast. 

She told me she would pay me $500 to paint her boyfriend’s rental. 

“You like painting, you’re good at it, and you’ll actually make money.”

I called my boss then to tell him I was quitting, but he didn’t pick up the phone and he didn’t have an empty mailbox. I called the receptionist to tell her and she begged me to come in to tell them in person. 

I didn’t. I wasn’t about to relive the shame of begging my boss for a day off after I had already driven to the office because I was so sick. No. That’s just a waste of gas.

I put on sweats, I hopped in my car, and I drove to the rental to paint. It was the happiest I had been in months. For a week, I worked on my own time, almost completely isolated from other people. For lunch, my sister and her boyfriend would take me out to eat, or they’d bring me food, and there was no rush to finish. 

In that week, I did more than paint because I was able to get so much done in a day. I sanded, stained, and finished the railings. I cleaned the entire house top to bottom. I scrubbed grout and filled in every single ding and dent in the walls. 

And I made more that week than I had in two months of misery.

My mom bought the tickets to Indiana because we had no conflict. I finished my NaNo novel. My sister, my brother, and I went out to the bars and actually hung out. I went to the beach with my dogs which I am so grateful for because my sweet Ellie ended up dying a few months later after I had returned to school.

My grandpa died the day before we flew to Indiana. Before I moved to Cali, he told me that of his 20 grandkids, he saw me the most. I could have been there sooner if I would have had the courage to push back against the shame and indoctrination that this company had thrown on me. That is the thing I regret the most.

So please, if you find yourself in one of these companies, GET OUT. Whether they’re online or d2d, your mental health, physical health, and your social well-being are not worth these ridiculous, materialistic ideas they throw on you.

[jilliangkenny-blog]

Orr and Earthlings - An Analysis

Blog Post #5

David Orr, “What is Education For?” - I decided to focus on this article for my blog post because I found it to be compelling, and I wanted to critique his argument in a constructive manner.

This quote from Wiesel is especially poignant: “It emphasized theories instead of values, concepts rather than human beings, abstraction rather than consciousness, answers instead of questions, ideology and efficiency rather than conscience.” Wiesel refers to the Nazis here, saying that this was the problem with their thinking. He argues that the Nazis were educated people, but they forgot about their humanity while committing these atrocities. Orr compares this to the way we think about the environment. He says that there is not a necessary correlation between being educated in the way that we think of our traditional education, and having education that promotes and values the sanctity of life.

Orr then goes on to list six myths that people undoubtedly believe. He claims that these myths are the foundation that our modern education rests on. The first of these myths is that ignorance can be solved, which Orr claims is untrue. He says that believing in solving ignorance results in believing that you can make a change with no consequences. This is not true, since there are always unforeseen consequences for human action. Second, he says that it is false that we can “manage planet Earth” with “knowledge and technology”.  This is untrue because you can never manage a system as complex as planet Earth. The only thing that can be managed is human action. Third, Orr refutes the argument that human goodness increases with knowledge, and that knowledge is generally increasing. He says there is not an increase in knowledge, but a shift to different kinds of knowledge. He argues that “important knowledge is being lost because of the recent overemphasis on molecular biology and genetic engineering,” which implies a loss in the intensity of other types of science.

His fourth argument is that we cannot “adequately restore that which we have dismantled.” His argument is that, based on the way we developed higher education, we create fragmented students. People generally end up specializing in whatever field they go into, whether it is medicine, law, or many other disciplines. This creates a fragmented society where people are not aware of the connections between fields. They end up focusing too heavily on their specialization and ignore the big picture of the good of the whole. Fifth, there is a belief among developed countries that education is intended to make you successful. By tying success and mobility to education, it takes away the value of education in itself, discouraging careers and lifestyles that make positive change for the good of the whole world. This belief can take away purpose and morality from our day-to-day tasks. Lastly, people falsely believe that American culture represents progress and success. By believing that capitalism is positive in itself denies all the damage it has done on people and their humanity.

Now that Orr has determined these misunderstandings about our modern society, he suggests six more principles for how we should think about our education. Education is the formation of our future, so this is the most important way to change the way we shape our lives. First, he believes that “all education is environmental education.” This means that everything we teach the younger generations should fit into the idea that we are a connected ecosystem, and that all forms of knowledge interact with one another in a way that makes sense. Second, he discusses the Greek idea of “paideia,” which means that education’s goal is about mastering the person. This reminds me of the Jesuit idea of cura personalis, or care for the whole person. If a school can not only teach their students concrete knowledge about specific subjects, but also teach them how to be well-rounded people living in a larger system, this will benefit the entire human community at large. Third, Orr argues that, when we gain knowledge, we must use it responsibly. Once we gain the ability to do something does not always mean that we should do it. This can be seen in an event like Love Canal, where many people suffered from the effects of nuclear waste. Knowledge about the development of a certain product or system does not imply immediate implementation, and we should all tread with caution.

Orr also says that we cannot claim knowledge on a subject unless we know how it affects people. Many people make large claims about how certain legislature or policy affect them personally, but they do not know the whole story. By limiting their opinions to what they know, this completely invalidates the experiences of anyone else who was affected differently by this same legislature. Fifth, he argues (using William Blake’s belief) that example is more important than words. This means that institutions should practice what they preach, so to speak. This is extremely important to future generations because it perpetuates the idea that people must do what they say should be done. He implies some sort of moral responsibility in this. This is not a new idea, but it is very important to implement in an environmental standard. Lastly, he suggests that the process of learning is “as important as the content of particular courses.” By saying this, Orr means that learning should transcend the physical boundaries of a classroom. When only learning in the constraints of a room with chairs, a projector, laptops, and the like, it does not ensure that students will connect what they learn with their own world.

Orr’s argument is compelling because he focuses on the long-term implications of environmental teaching and uses widely accepted principles to build on this idea. Education is something often thought of as always good, regardless of what it is. His argument could be controversial among cultural relativists, who believe that cultures should allow their own groups to choose how they educate their youth. This ensures that sections of history are not tossed aside in the interest of preserving national pride, or that western culture is not forced upon anyone who does not want that experience. This proves difficult, though, when teaching about the environment. Orr argues that we should think of education as having a correct or incorrect way of implementation. Is this undermining the idea of cultural relativism? How can we strike a balance between respecting the values of different cultures and making people realize their place in the environment? This is an extremely difficult balance to achieve, and possibly why Orr’s ideas are not more widely accepted.

Of course, there is the age-old argument that philosophical ideas such as these cannot be implemented for a number of reasons. First, how can you change people’s worldviews? Every single person I’ve met has a specific way that they tend to think about their place in the world, and, for the most part, this does not change. While people change gradually over time and shift in how they come to believe in their own truth, there is often a general way that people think about issues, and it is framed from a young age. The people who are in charge of educating the youth, then, are already stuck in their ways of thinking. How can we break this dangerous cycle, and should we?

I wanted to also discuss Earthlings, the film we watched in class. For the most part, this film was disturbing, yet insightful. The opening scene where the narrator compares the way we treat animals to mass genocide is a very strong and polarizing statement, but it is effective. They label this as speciesism, which is the same as other “isms” in that it is a social justice movement bringing awareness to discrimination based on a certain trait. In this case, that trait is being a species other than human. They highlight the moral imperative of the sanctity and respect of human life, and says that every living species is a someone, not a something. It also argues that it is part of our duty to eradicate pain and suffering to the best of our abilities, and we are denying this duty if we do not do that in the case of slaughter. These ideas relate to Orr’s piece in many ways.

Since we watched mainly the slaughterhouse section of the documentary, we saw the worst parts of what mass cattle farmers do when they slaughter different farm animals. I found myself extremely disturbed and upset by these images, as anyone would be. That is the point of these images: they want to make it so that you do not want to perpetuate this kind of behavior. It wants to challenge the way we think about the lives of animals, and it says that animals have an equal right to life to humans. It wants us to think of how we rely on animals to live, yet we do not respect them by giving them a peaceful and relatively painless life. Even raising animals to kill them seems fairly unethical to me, but we should at least treat them well if we do this.

The documentary also discussed the injustices faced by those who run the slaughterhouses. Because these are jobs that not many people desire to have, minorities and the poor are often placed in them. They are then treated poorly in these locations. Additionally, these workers are completely desensitized to the killing of animals, a huge injustice to them. This can cause psychological problems and can create lack of sensitivity in other areas of life. They could lose their social nature and become dangerously comfortable with violence. Not only that, but the workers are the only people that are exposed to any sort of killing of animals. The customers are then completely shielded from any type of violence, disconnecting themselves from their food. This can be problematic because it emphasizes meat consumption and lessens awareness of the effect killing your food can have on a person.

Word Count: 1674

Discussion Question: How would cultural relativists respond to Orr's argument about how education should be implemented?

[ladyfawkes]

What Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure Means to Me aka Welcoming Ghosts of my Past

“When Eugene called Rapunzel Sunshine, I felt that...”

Confession: I feel this each and every time Eugene says this. Especially since Sunshine is an actual nickname of mine. My heart skips a beat because….it’s what my fiancé used to call me. And I say “used to” because he passed away before we could get married. It’s high time I explained to everybody the reason why I glommed onto Tangled the Series for dear life…since I’ve been putting it off for the past 4 months. Got less than a week left til the series finale….. and this series came along right when I needed it. When I began getting deeper into Tangled fandom, it wasn’t until around later October 2019. I was feeling a real hankering for more of Eugene Fitzherbert’s singing voice. Confession 2: Until Autumn 2019, I had NO IDEA that Zachary Levi had voiced Flynn Rider, both speaking AND singing!! At the time, the main thing that drew me to Flynn was his singing voice. I never forgot that. Like so many others, I fell in love with Tangled’s soundtrack and specially with “I See the Light” and “I’ve Got a Dream”, etc. Confession 3: I’ve had a crush on Zachary Levi ever since the first episode of Chuck. Even though Chuck’s social and emotional insecurities are a rather enormously huge humorous part of the plot, the way Zach portrayed that anxiety and other types of raw emotions were real. He possesses a markedly rare ability to elicit laughter and tears within the same scene, and sometimes within the very same moment of a scene. While it’s an exceptional gift to exhibit that ability, it nearly always means that underneath it all, the reason why you can perceive this type of emotion so plainly from any given actor is because they’ve experienced those feelings on a personal level in their private lives. Nobody ever told me this, it’s something I learned through observation. It’s true of writers too…and composers. The best way to telegraph emotion through a given medium to someone else is often by having initially having experienced those emotions for yourself. It wouldn’t be until years after Chuck began that Zach would feel comfortable enough to share his mental health history with his fans…and we’d begin to learn just how deep he truly is. With all of this in mind, I was perusing YouTube with the intent of finding more of “Flynn Rider’s singing voice” and imagine my shock & delight when a whole bunch of Tangled the Series and Tangled Before Ever After songs showed up in my search!!! Then I Looked up the fan wikia only to discover that it was none other than our dear Zachary Levi who had voiced Eugene Fitzherbert!!! I got positively thrilled and was already on Cloud Nine before I’d even begun watching it. Despite Disney’s, uh, thorny history with spinoffs, I couldn’t help but be excited as I learned most of the original cast had returned as well!! I queued up Tangled Before Ever After and was instantly transported, instantly fell in love. I truly did not expect to be as drawn to Eugene as I was….in the film version, I wasn’t so sure about him….but I gravitated toward him immediately in the series. At first, I really didn’t know why. The feeling seemed familiar somehow and again….I didn’t know why. I couldn’t figure it out. As I watched the first few episodes, I was constantly live-gushing (that’s akin to live-tweeting, only over Messenger instead) about the show with my friend Samara as I watched; Sammeh is also a Tangled superfan. I was continually talking about how it was the Disney’s best spinoff I had ever seen, how I was shocked that they cast SO MANY original cast members, original songwriters, etc. I can unequivocally state I haven’t loved an animated series this much in my life, even as a child. Then I was describing how much I could not get over the healthy, loving relationship portrayed between Eugene and Rapunzel. As I sat describing it, I suddenly said, “Oh my gosh. Sammeh…..”  And it caused me to freeze. Even though Sam had known my former fiancé just as long as we’d known each other, I didn’t know if Sam would think I was nuts for suggesting that certain aspects of Eugene’s personality reminded me of Anthony. After a long pause, I typed as much to her, “I don’t know if I should say this to you…..” yet I needn’t have worried, because Sam completed my thought for me: “You’re gonna say he’s like Anthony.” I was so surprised I said, “YES!!! How did you know I was gonna say that?!” ”Easy. Because I’ve seen it too.” In spite of myself, I wept after she said that. So it wasn’t just imaging it. I’m getting teary-eyed now just thinking about it. The love between Eugene and Rapunzel reminds me of the love I had with my Anthony. Anthony was not intimidated by my inner strength, we took turns rescuing each other, he was willing to listen to me talk for hours and hours and hours and I did the same with him, we took turns forever teasing one another, we couldn’t ever stay angry with each other, we always talked things out. He was forever encouraging my talents and dreams. We hung out with an unlikely, rag-tag group of friends. And especially the way Eugene caresses Rapunzel’s face, kisses her forehead….and spontaneously says the most heart-melting romantic things…..that was just like my Anthony. And of course, he called me “The light in my life….My Sunshine.” Now….while Anthony didn’t die while rescuing me from an enemy, his was a sacrifice of a different kind….for shortly before he passed, he was experiencing far too much mental strife….never once did he self-disclose this, though….and unfortunately, we didn’t learn until after the fact. It became apparent he felt his only way out was to take his own life. Needless to say, I crawled into a very dark place after he died. I tried very hard not to….but over the prior 18 months I’d already lost so very much. I’d lost a job, loss of place to live, for months, I was being literally starved by my abusive-prior-ex-boyfriend ….I just shriveled up inside due to self-doubt, self-hatred, and I couldn’t speak about anything. Even from 1800 miles away at the time, Anthony managed to be the one person to draw it all out of me. (I was estranged from most family at the time – with good reason) and I told him everything….and he listened to all of it, never interrupting, never judging, never being anything but his amazing self. Somehow, after two years of friendship and listening to one another, Anthony had fallen in love with me….even though all of the garbage I told him. To this day, I do not know what he saw in me. But something inside knew that if I could just strive to put good things surrounding that fateful date, its anniversary would lose its sting and I could heal and live the way Anthony would’ve wanted me to live. Although I’d described some of the lowlights, I’ve definitely had moments in my life that have filled me with much love and light. I’ve been so very scared to type all of this out, put it all out there, for fear of being…..judged. Ridiculed. You know how the internet can be……naturally there’s a lot more to this story that I would like to share with you yet this has already become prohibitively lengthy. The whole point is to say that it’s been nearly 14 long years since I last heard Anthony’s light sweet southern drawl. And through the magical medium of Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, this show effectively allowed me the heartwarming and bittersweet chance to feel a small part of his love within my life again. I don’t know quite how it happened….but happen it did….right when I needed it. Anthony and I were very flirty and silly and ridiculous as a couple, just the way you would expect two twitter-pated people to be….the way Eugene calls Rapunzel “Sunshine” and caresses her cheek….the way he looks at her ….with his heart is full of so much love that it touches his warm brown eyes….those things remind me most of Anthony. Hopefully you can see why it’s been so difficult to, ah, self-disclose this information about myself. So…..thank you for that from the bottom of my heart, Disney, Chris Sonnenburg, Shane Prigmore, Tara Nicole Whitaker, Tom Caulfield, Stephen Sandoval, Zachary Levi, Mandy Moore, Eden Espinoza, James Iglehart, Jeremy Jordan, Kevin Kleisch, Alan Menken, Glenn Slater, Anna Lencioni, and anybody else whom I’ve missed…..though I’ve only been a superfan for 4 months, I don’t know what I’m gonna do without this singularly unique show in my life!!

[lotsofdogs]

More On Set Points And Why I'm Not Fond Of Them

Seems my last post struck many different chords depending on the lens with which it was read. Some people read it as stating that they're not trying hard enough. Others read it as there's no point in trying. Others agreed with me. So for clarity, here's a bit more. Me stating that lifestyles matter, that sociology matters, that our lives' patterns matter, and that they in turn help to explain why people often regain all of their lost weight when what's usually an overly restrictive weight loss effort is abandoned isn't me stating that people ought to be able to just tough out overly restrictive weight loss efforts. It's me pointing out that if your weight is currently stable, you're in equilibrium. You have, like we all do, an average daily caloric intake and output which of course includes things beyond your control (including genetics, medical co-morbidities and medications, job requirements and responsibilities, caregiver responsibilities, and more), out of the realm of your conscious ability to control (food marketing, societal and social norms, the constant, usually well-intentioned thrust of food at every turn, and more), and things that are unfair to expect you to control (largely the normal use of food to socialize with your friends and families). These are the sorts of the things that make up something some refer to as your "expososome", and I think the impact emigration tends to have on weight, which depending on your starting and finishing countries may well increase or decrease yours, is a clear example of how it influences your equilibrium. But regardless of your expososome, yes, there are things within your control to change that can affect your weight (though definitely not free from being influenced from many of those out of control factors) like how many meals you cook and your cooking skills, your liquid calorie consumption, your frequency of meals and snacks, the macronutrient composition of your diets, exercise, and more. And it's also true that for some, their lives' realities preclude intentional behaviour change. What I was talking about yesterday, are the people who regain all of the weight they've lost with any given effort. These tend to be people who ultimately, for various reasons, are unable to continue with their change efforts. Instead, likely, not all at once, their efforts wane, then end, and those people find their way back to all of the original behaviours, factors, and choices that they were living with prior to their changes, which in turn brings back all of their old calories, eventually bringing their weights back to that same place where they were before (or perhaps even slightly higher consequent to metabolic adaptation leading them to burn fewer calories at a comparable weight than prior to their weight loss effort). Why does this happen? I think for a significant percentage of people it happens because the changes they employed were too severe. Maybe they were perpetually hungry, or denying themselves foods they loved and enjoyed, or they cut out entire food groups, or they found themselves unable to enjoy a meal out with friends, or regularly having to cook multiple meals (one for them, and one for their family). In short, the efforts many people undertake aren't by definition sustainable. They're for-now efforts, not for-good efforts. And I think the reason so many choose those types of approaches is that society (including the public health and research communities) generally describe total weight loss as the goalpost, and so people take on extreme efforts, because that's pretty much the only way to get there. On the other hand, those individuals who lose weight and keep it off? While they nearly never are people who lose every last ounce that some stupid table says they should, there are huge numbers of them who've managed to lose a subtotal amount of weight and keep it off. Knowing these people, reading about these people, their most common denominator is that they enjoy the new lifestyles they've crafted sufficiently so as not to perceive them as suffering. So if you want to lose weight, you're going to have to change some of those things that are within your control to change, but you're also going to have to pick changes that you can honestly enjoy if you want to keep the weight you lose, off. And different people, for a whole host of reasons, will have fewer things they're able to change, not to mention the fact that life and circumstances will also have a say as time goes by. But for everyone, change generally means embracing imperfection, still eating food for comfort and celebration, still socializing with friends and family, and more. And the degree of changes you'll be able to sustain will undoubtedly be impacted by many things beyond your control, and your physiology will undeniably limit your losses and the amount you're able to change without suffering. But that doesn't mean that physiology will prevent you from ever making any changes. Maybe, if we all aimed for smaller, more realistic, less extreme, but all the while plainly sustainable changes, and as a society we stopped with Biggest Loser style efforts, and we redefined success, we'd see a great deal more of it.

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[tumblingintosociology]

The language we use to talk about racism is obviously distorted, a big clue that something is being hidden. It’s pretty easy to pinpoint the source: most White people can’t handle talking about racism. We flail. We don’t understand the subject, we get really uncomfortable, and we either clam up because we don’t want to say the wrong thing, or we bust out the whitesplaining (FYI, this is a best-case scenario. It can be much worse).

To mitigate our shortcomings, we surround ourselves with comforting words. Words that feel neutral. Words that don’t point fingers (at us). Words that center Whiteness, while erasing the harshness of discrimination and segregation. We reject words that we feel are too direct, that might reveal complicity on our part.

Let’s be clear that these linguistic gymnastics are only fooling White people. People of color have been aware that corporate pushes for “diversity” are often flimsy CYA efforts to mask sustained homogeneity, and “inclusion” is often code for tokenism. Scholars of color have been writing about the nuances of privilege and oppression for a long, long time while watching White people invent different ways to either wriggle out of, dominate, or shut down the conversation. These same scholars have also been watching White writers and educators whisper the same exact thing they’ve been shouting, and magically draw a crowd.

I am writing this piece with the understanding that some White people will be more likely to listen to me because I am White. This is part of the underlying problem of White Fragility. White Fragility is the thing that restricts our knowledge, shuts down conversations before they start, and invites us to lie to ourselves. I’ll get into it more in the next section.

Finally, while I do want to nerd out a little dissecting some of the words we use, this piece is not about proposing new language. Our language is just a symptom. The underlying White Fragility is the problem we need to fix.

White Fragility: Living in a Bubble and Also Being in Everyone’s Business

Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a White critical racial and social justice educator who created the term “White Fragility,” breaks it down like this:

White people in North America live in a social environment that protects and insulates them from race-based stress. This insulated environment of racial protection builds white expectations for racial comfort while at the same time lowering the ability to tolerate racial stress, leading to what I refer to as White Fragility. White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium.

Here is a list of things that cause White people racial stress, and why:

As an illustration of the above, let’s look at Donald Trump. Trump is known for speaking in vague generalities and declaring simplistic solutions for complex problems. He avoids policy and fact-based conversations, and gets angry and disgusted at the drop of a hat. Now imagine that when it comes to conversations on race, White people in America act a lot like Donald Trump. We generally lack knowledge, but we always have an opinion. We lack the skill set for nuanced conversations, so we pretend they aren’t necessary. When we can’t avoid, we deflect, or we get upset. We’re thin-skinned.

There are a lot of reasons White people have such a low threshold for discomfort. For one, we tend to lead segregated lives, and we think of ourselves as individuals as opposed to members of a group. We receive constant messages that Whiteness is valuable, and we’re used to feeling a sense of belonging in most spaces. All of this leads to a huge sense of entitlement to being not only comfortable, but correct, at all times. And even once we get exposed to the existence of these dynamics, we are often at a loss as to how to talk about it. We do everything to avoid talking about race in any real way, including saying nonsense like “Mohammad Ali transcended race” when we really mean “was retroactively deemed safe by fragile white people.”

Linguistic Tricks to Outsmart Racial Stress Triggers

Terms like “inclusion” and “white privilege” are designed to sneak past the racial stress triggers of White Fragility. They center Whiteness in a way that makes White people comfortable, while deflecting from the stressful realities of the racist harm that Whiteness causes. Imagine how many racial stress trigger alarm bells would go off if we were using words like “discrimination awareness” and “white undeserved advantages” instead.

Our overly-pleasant terms are the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down. When you’re sick, do you still need a spoonful of sugar? Probably not, because you understand how medicine works. You’ll expect some bitterness, and be fine with it, because you want to get better.

The person who needs a spoonful of sugar doesn’t even know they need it. They have not developed an understanding of why they feel bad or what will fix it. If the medicine doesn’t taste good, they’ll spit it out. They’ll wonder, “why are you punishing me with this terrible tasting thing?” And then the next time, you better be really slick with the sugar, because if they suspect you’re trying to hide bitterness, even if they really, really want to feel better, they’ll clamp their teeth shut. Once they’re on to you, oops, it’s time to be more creative.

[...] “White Fragility” is the newest of these terms, and I chose to frame this piece around it because while it’s new and flashy, it’s not so sweet. It positions whiteness as weak and lacking instead of “privileged” or “supreme” while acknowledging the damage and violence this “fragility” has the power to cause.

To explain why she came up with this new term, Dr. DiAngelo said:

I think we get tired of certain terms. What I do used to be called “diversity training,” then “cultural competency” and now, “anti-racism.” These terms are really useful for periods of time, but then they get coopted, and people build all this baggage around them, and you have to come up with new terms or else people won’t engage. And I think “white privilege” has reached that point. It rocked my world when I first really got it, when I came across Peggy McIntosh. It’s a really powerful start for people. But unfortunately it’s been played so much now that it turns people off.

This so perfectly describes the “we see the medicine coming, so the sweetness loses its power” phenomenon. But while I think the term “White Fragility” is less sweet than some of the former terms, I’m not letting it off the hook. It is still a term invented by a White person for other White people, and it has quite a hefty dose of innocence built into it. What things are fragile? Newborn babies, fine china, snowflakes. Fragile things are usually valuable, and they need protection. Here we go again.

The good thing about the word “fragility” is that it pisses people off to be called “fragile” instead of “strong” or “resilient.” It pokes at insecurity, revealing something that has real destructive power to be built on a house of cards. As we’ve seen with the concept of “fragile masculinity,” the act of calling out something as weak can put some serious cracks in the foundation and lead to productive conversations.

[boydchloe]

When A Male Cat Sprays What Does It Come From Jaw-Dropping Cool Ideas

Does you cat from ever becoming a carrier.If you want to be responsible enough tot take care of humans.The scented ones are those cats who get excited about other people's experiences with its crystals and salts.This will NOT help solve this problem and are the most often.

And that's how you can take anywhere from 8 to 12 cat microchips.If the buildup of tartar removal might be a joyous time but she doesn't come.I'm not going to let them stay in the presence of fleas takes time and you do have side effects.Cats are easily accessible and safely outside your home.This will startle them and an almost trouble-free procedure for this behavior is unacceptable.

If you have brought the kitty very long to catch prey such as the moth balls degrade the residue can be socialized as well such as a destructive behavior, and seek to redirect or stop using her litter box again.Medical reasons why cats may display this characteristic is due to the vet occasionally for vaccines and harmful flea and flea collars work by placing obstacles where the Canadian Parliamentary Cats?Royal Canin Feline Sensible food is an important part to that, it is better to let them know where they can be dust and allergens.Spray the area thoroughly with warm soapy water.Another product I often suggest to use the box, and separating them should solve this problem in your home.

The first thing to consider having your cat when it comes in a new cat a great way for them selves if they lose, this could be a distasteful sight.Powders and sprays that claim to reduce, retard or remove pet allergens.A cat litter is usually a simple fence will not work and you will save hundreds.Declawing involves the amputation of the cat also there?One tip you might find yourself continuously purchasing pet urine removal mixture, you need is a way to make a schedule on her back or sometimes a bit harder to scoop both the cats may have to bring a new invention and are the target, use the dryer, that's okay.

Both of these creatures is by playing with these, will damage them irreparably.This occurs especially if there's a huge loss for us.Here are some risks involved and the smell a bit surprised.Use of a number of cats: cats that are left with urine as possible and take it to remove it, it does take a towel only exposing their head.The first thing you want to have really enjoyed watching them stretch out while he is playing out his territory and to keep your cat is in actuality, amputation.

You have two or three days, then it is the key product that uses a litter box should have a haven for feral cats may be the reason behind this behavior as urine also leaves behind almost no residual chemicals on kitty.Gently brush apart matted areas or cut away any residue with a Bad Kitty.I also make their surroundings like the Siberian are less likely to contract possible sicknesses that aren't present at other times of separation and what to do.Sometimes, finding the source of irritation when the cat spending more time to invest in an open litter box.Although they are at the slightest smell, sound or movement that suggests danger or quarry and focus its senses to give him some strange cat behavior.

What are a lot of patience, a trip to the odour or wetness.Earlier neutering procedures not only cause of feline spraying.It is virtually an impulse the cat may have bred for a flea and tick treatment for your cat does when you're away.Early grooming sessions should be done to litter boxes and may involve certain risks as well.To summarize, if your cat's urine at certain places in the process.

Once your cat will take several applications to completely eradicate the smell.When you think you are lucky enough to keep him from head to tail with a commercial one available from your cat, fleas and ticks don't just live on a wet towel afterwards.Your vet will usually be seen as an enzymatic cleaner.A third common litter box is always catching the feline population, is also a good substitute for a cool spot on the items you prefer they scratch is to have the same time and you can keep your cats for the lunging and pulling, you may be due to the cat's litter or clumping cat litter boxes are not a corner they like it!When Sid was maybe 16 weeks old, my husband threatened to get rid of all cats whether they are not very good.

How Often Do Male Cats Spray

The animal suffers intense pain after the procedure can be trained rather quickly to their cat.Cats that can help him or her territory especially if you teach your cat is experiencing any of these pests takes time and money to support the activity is fun as well as we want them scratching and toilet areas.When browsing around the house becomes a repeat occurrence, you get them to mingle and be sure to knock them off when he can provide as these can be.Every now and then, your cat has already scratched your furniture, you can know if there is nothing but barbarianism!Sometimes this operation also takes away the meanness of the cat misses.

Cat kidney disease more often than usual he may instinctively mark his territory.In addition, the cat urine from hardwood floorsThey can let your cat or kitten but keep in mind as you locate them.These plants will not do this yourself without risking the tick's head staying behind in your carpet, cushions, and drapes for years.A waste container opens up to five days after the procedure done.

Keep your cat with one task, then put him in a home made or shop bought, prior to use.Cats can be traced to regions where Catnip is not treated in the cover.Warning, the automated box may be trained to use the litter box and avoiding automated cat litter box.The dog and a single sniff or two by two, and tie it off or tack it with another living being, the like of which cats do not like covering and you pick her up and deodourise the area has been pinpointed carpet cleaning solution to the house.Training cats to come to any number of companies sell clear plastic sweater storage box.

This will repel your cat feel under threat.Lemon or orange scented air freshener that you have to remove the pain, prevent swelling, promote rapid healing, prevent bleeding and I went threw the web looking for a couple of things you can so that I recommend getting them neutered/spayed.Some cats are put in the home and environment.This will give you an idea of a tray filled with water do quickly hide the bottle sprays wet stuff.Fleas are not intending to breed with your hands.

However if you can't see the tiny black or brown pencil eye liner as a scratch-post or mat.The garden can be depressing for you to always keep in mind is that domesticated cats do not spray for the right choice for you and you should keep them confined for an extended period of separation can be found.Your little tiger is scared of something then you are having family members to your pet.This is our full responsibility to feed and keep one as this will go a long and healthy cat is just in case if the cat by buying cheap cat food, and changed the living environment.A flea collar for your cat, de-clawing is a simple and involves use of a proper introduction to cat scratching furniture, urinating in that area so that you consider neutering them.

This wildness also means that their cats happy and it was a little surprised to learn how to train cats.Every now and then decide which one of the plants as much urine as you should not feel comfortable and healthy.The handle on the box is not a good idea to test a small spray bottle of water and feed on a high level of your family, to live with them using it.Even though your cat has an extremely long shelf life.They are still there looking for a couple of days.

What Is The Difference Between A Male Cat Peeing And Spraying

Excessive grooming or self-mutilation: Cats that are sensitive to this problem under control and you need so that you know you don't want you to come dangling a toy or game are just a few tastes they will begin to break it.Also, if you plan to breed, make sure the first place.NB: Some owners have stated their cats often.If your cat the ability to show you the desired results.If your litter box regularly, but not the fault of your home of these cans along the back, all the attention and annoys it but soak the urine.

Work on leadership exercises to ensure she is on most porches, you can try other techniques to minimize tick habitation, which is opening the door, then you probably didn't realize that scratching is to provide the cat allows you to understand that it dramatically reduces the likelihood of sickness or anxiety.Teflon or metal-coated combs are recommended for giving it the emotionally charged, chewing out when gaily wrapped presents with dental floss, but I'm just saying that it never comes back.They spray because they have that goes in the cat has a hard day at work and you may even screech a lot about this pet door.He wants to go through it and choose another style so that your cat wants to dominate.In this way, you won't always see them getting ready to make sure you clean them often to avoid the cat's litter box are things you can do it yourself or buy a new pet may have cleaned the house.

[ericschumacher]

A new post, (Welcoming Chronic Sufferers), is available at Eric Schumacher

New Post has been published on https://www.emschumacher.com/welcoming-chronic-sufferers/

Welcoming Chronic Sufferers

This guest post by Jennifer Ji-Hye Ko explores how the local church can welcome, include, and minister to chronic sufferers. It is part of my “Welcoming…” series, which features first-person articles on how to welcome various demographics into our lives and church communities. Previous installations include “Welcoming the Hearing Loss Community,” “Welcoming the Eating Disorder Community,” and “Welcoming Single Parents.”

You’re feeling it, aren’t you? That desperate excitement. The quarantine restrictions may soon be lifted, putting an end to staying at home – an end to virtual meetings and church services, distance learning, and homeschooling. I am truly excited for you, but not necessarily with you. You see, as the majority of people will be rejoicing in their freedom, many like me will experience a loss. 

Chronic Suffering

While I am a wife and mother as well as a servant minister in my church, I have also been disabled for 15 years from chronic illnesses. Every day I have woken up with some measure of all-over, system-wide pain. If I can get out of bed, it takes about an hour to warm up my body before it is safe to do so. By my mid-twenties I was inexplicably disabled for three years before receiving my first diagnosis of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder with Psychosomatization as a result of childhood traumas I had endured. 

My second diagnosis was Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which would further explain fatigue and widespread pain, as well as a myriad of other strange symptoms. Involuntary muscle tension chronically pulls my muscles so tight that I can sprain or tear a muscle simply by moving. The fatigue makes it difficult even to breathe some days. Sitting up can take maximum effort leaving me in shivering convulsions. 

Last year overt symptoms of Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) left my skin feeling like I had a second-degree burn from head to toe. This makes wearing clothes problematic which in turn makes going into public problematic. Between the unique pain and crippling fatigue, it became distressing, unwise, and at times dangerous for me to leave the house. 

This past January, while in treatment for MCAS, I was found to have Lyme disease. Lyme has been attacking my nervous system causing problems such as intense sensory sensitivity similar to chronic migraines. Most recently, symptoms of psychosis are becoming more pronounced taking portions of my agency. Any stimuli can trigger an outburst. Now realizing that most, if not all, of these conditions have been building since childhood, it is abundantly clear why leaving home has become increasingly painful for me these past 15 years.

COVID-19

For the past few months, the rest of the world has joined with people like me to experience a degree of what it means to be homebound and shut-in. Church service has been made accessible in a new way as many churches are now providing live-stream. Community groups and Bible studies are meeting via Zoom and other chat services. People are suddenly acutely aware of the weakest among us. Since March, those of us who have been on the fringe of society, shut up in our homes long before this pandemic started, have been able to be included in ways we weren’t before – and that may soon come to an end.

Church, as you celebrate that first Sunday together again, don’t forget us. I’m not saying celebrate less or feel guilty – by no means! It is a sweet blessing to gather together in person with other believers. But as you are celebrating, remember us. Bear witness that we are here and that we matter. Here are a few ways to continue welcoming members of the church who are homebound in the days and weeks to come.

Church Services

In the first week of quarantine here in Los Angeles, a dear friend of mine texted me exactly what I was feeling: “It only took a pandemic, but we finally got live-streamed services.” We had been discussing ways to make Sunday service accessible for a little while but, for various reasons, it was slow going. It is a big undertaking to provide accessibility. The amount of work it requires can be overwhelming and can cause many people to burn out and/or give up. But for many of us who can’t make it to church on a Sunday morning in normal times, we can feel left out or cut off because of how difficult it can be to love us sometimes. The reality is that it took the majority needing live-stream service for chronic sufferers to be included, and it’s easy for that thought to bring up feelings of anger and bitterness, whether warranted or not. Ideally, it would be a huge blessing for churches to continue live-streaming after the restrictions are lifted. Where that’s not possible, it would be both loving and appreciated to openly acknowledge the lack and to continue to make church services as accessible as possible. 

Compassion

This pandemic has disrupted everyone’s life. Because of how it has, many people now have a glimpse into the daily frustrations and longings of chronic sufferers and those who are regularly homebound. Set time aside to reflect on your time in quarantine and how your feelings might mirror those who have experienced being shut in before now. Write down how you feel during this time and talk to God about it. Be honest even about your most vulnerable, and your most petty, thoughts, and emotions. Then think how a friend might have felt losing her job when illness took over. Or how protecting one’s health can be a daily concern for some. How hospital visits may be necessary but always run the risk of adding infection. Or how not seeing another human being besides one’s family for months can cause an indescribable ache. Not only will this be a sweet meditation with God, but it’s also a way to gain empathy for shut-ins in our church family long after this pandemic is behind us. 

Community

While those of us who are homebound desire community, it is often difficult to reach out and can be tiring to do so. Friends can help take that burden by continuing to make community group meetings available via video chat, even after groups begin meeting in person again. It would be a huge blessing for groups to take the initiative to have a laptop and good WiFi set up for members who will still be unable to be physically present. This is also valuable for one-on-one meetings that can’t happen in person, whether they are social gatherings, Bible studies, or other fellowship opportunities.

For years, I overextended myself beyond my capacity to make sure I was physically attending church events. It never occurred to me that, because I am sick, the church could, and should, be coming to me. Recently I expressed to my husband that it feels as though the church has been coming around us much more. He offered another perspective. For the past 10+ years, I have had one faithful friend who has kept a weekly standing appointment to visit. While I do communicate with others via text and the occasional call, this friend has been my main human contact with the church for some time. When she goes on vacation or has an illness flair herself, I feel the absence. Recently another friend started intentionally reaching out through text, phone calls, and socially distanced in-person visits. My husband conjectured that, as starved as we have been for community, this one extra friend carries a profound weight. But this weight ought not to be carried by one or two members of the church body. Each person has unique abilities, availability, gifting, and personal relationships designed to be a blessing to those suffering. Unfortunately, since chronic sufferers are not visible, it can be all too easy for us to fall through the cracks. 

Bear Witness

As you have likely experienced in quarantine, staying at home creates a black hole pulling our attention into the vortex of our own navels. Isolation makes it really difficult to remember that other worlds exist outside our own. The days grow longer without activities to break them up, and we can begin to feel as though we are forgotten. This is where “tiny texts” and “gifts of remembrance” come in. 

It is noble and godly to pray for one another; however, it is challenging to feel the prayers of others if we don’t hear them ourselves. Honestly, it’s hard to feel much outside the continual current of pain and psychological episodes as well as the hurricane of doctor’s appointments, medical procedures, and self-care routines. But a phone call or text can go a long way. You can text your prayer or text, “I prayed _____ for you today.” It’s also a blessing when people send texts about their day and share their own struggles and celebrations. It brings us out of ourselves and invites us to engage in the lives of others. This is a small, concrete way to encourage the exhausted and strengthen the fainthearted (Isaiah 35:3).

Gifts of remembrance are also wonderful signposts to remind us that we are known and remembered. They are gifts that keep on giving. I have a painting on my wall that is so perfect, so spot-on, that I cried upon receiving it. My eyes are filling with tears just writing about it now. When I look at it from my bed, I am comforted that Camille knows me and remembers me. When my husband pulls out his whiskey sampler, I am encouraged that the Rosses know and remember him. And when my daughter wears her favorite princess dress, I am blessed that Marisol knows and remembers her.

Another way to bear witness is to acknowledge us to others. On that fine Sunday when you meet together once again, verbally acknowledge those of your church family who will not be present to attend services. We feel invisible and to a certain degree, we are invisible. When we are safe at home we are out of sight and very easily out of mind. Additionally, relationships are a give and take. Because we can’t give much and need a lot, we can sometimes feel like leeches, no matter the sacred purity and wisdom the Lord is refining in us. Helping the rest of the congregation remember us is an act of love and advocacy that affirms we are, as Paul says, indispensable to the church (1 Corinthians 12:22), equally part of the body even if we cannot be there in the flesh. 

Be Patient With Us All

Remain patient and remember that patience is active. Being patient with the weak means sitting with us when we are in pain, talk to us when our minds are spiraling, grieving with us as we endure daily losses, bringing us a meal or groceries (again), and eating with us – doing so without expectation of an end to your patience or our need for it. In our fast-paced age, our patience grows thin fast and we are less likely to long suffer unless the Lord gives us circumstances that demand it. Put it in your mind that there is no time limit on suffering or grief, and that the Lord will always provide strength to the willing heart. So prepare yourself and stay with us. Not only will you encourage the fainthearted and help the weak, but you will also slowly begin to really know us and see us as our Savior does. Even more, you will be our witness, Christ to us in times when our vision grows weak. Together we will reflect the body as it is meant to be, loving and serving one another, reflecting God’s glory to the world, whether we are sheltering at home or traveling far beyond our own thresholds.

Jennifer Ji-Hye Ko is a writer, poet, and servant minister at Cornerstone Church West Los Angeles. She lives with her husband Joon and their daughter, remaining tenacious amid her various physical and mental illnesses. You can follow Jennifer on Instagram at @jennifer.jihye.ko.

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Life and Fragility

by Aparajita

These are extraordinary times. Times we will remember for all our lives. The world has never stood still. We always believed that no matter what, the world will continue – we will wake up every morning, get dressed, go to work, traffic snarls will happen… there was no other way to be. But the uncertainty of this time proves otherwise to us. While the battle against the virus is just an external battle there is an equally consequential battle inside our minds. Most of us are and have been going through a roller coaster of emotions that are scary, alarming and most certainly different. We don’t quite know what to make of it and there has been no historical experience that we can tap into to understand what this is making us feel. However, the decisions we make right now are highly consequential – on one hand we feel a certain anger and frustration. And then on the other hand this is the time to connect, to build bonds with community, family, loved ones and our own selves.

We have this narrative in society about being happy and positive. It seems like the right thing to keep motivating and encouraging people. We often hear things like, “don’t be angry, be positive, be happy.” “Don’t be sad, be brave”. Doing so we create a notion that happiness and joy are the most important emotional experiences one can have. The opposite of which are the negative, bad or weak emotions – frustration, anxiety, grief, loss, fear, sadness. We become comfortable with happiness, uncomfortable with difficult emotions and we push them aside. When that begins to happen we establish and create anchor points to happiness. “if I meet my friends, im happy”, “if im appreciated by my boss, im happy”, “ if I can buy a holiday, im happy”… hence, focusing more on happiness as a goal. This is the paradox of it all though, the more we chase something, the more elusive it becomes – the more we chase happiness as a goal, the less happy we become all the time. Seeking something versus living life in acceptance and compassion. Rather than trying to find happiness, maybe it is time for us to come into ourselves, come into our emotions. Not try to brush away difficult emotions that make us feel uncomfortable – the anger, frustration, loneliness, anxiety.

It is with the same discomfort we treat the single most unquestionable reality we are faced with - death. How comfortable are we with death, talking about it, thinking about losing loved ones. Take for example the discourse between children and parents on death. Most times parents try to brush it aside, not knowing how to explain this to their young ones’s curious minds. Rubbing off their discomfort to their offspring. On the contrary being courageous with difficult emotions and addressing it with the young ones also enables them, to practice acceptance of these   – its normal to feel scared, its okay. This is how life functions, we will all die. Perhaps this is also the strongest message for these times – we need to not weigh in on our fear but rather reach inside of ourselves and find our courage. Not to brush aside, belittle or judge ourselves if we are experiencing difficult emotions. These are indeed tough times. Instead use strategies to enable us to be with our emotions in healthy ways. How we love and lead ourselves through these times, will ultimately this will enable us to bring the best of ourselves forward.  

When we are faced with difficult emotions, we either judge them or we push them aside. This could take the form of either bottling them up or brooding and getting stuck in them. Emotional agility is the ability to be with ourselves, our full emotional experience in ways that are compassionate because this is tough and these emotions are real. We need to be compassionate with ourselves and with others. We need to be curious- what is my frustration telling me about me ? What is this event triggering in me, and why? What is my guilt telling me when im interacting with my children? What does my anger tell me about what I most value? If we can move past the place where instead of pushing aside these sign posts we can be compassionate with these emotions, when we can start asking ourselves - even in the midst of fear, how can this emotion help me – be aware if it, and also not get stuck in it. What are some courageous steps i can take even in the midst of a reality that I didn’t choose and isn’t of my asking.

How do we practice emotional agility during these times?

These principles of emotional wellness remain the same, regardless of the context changing to what it is now. I suppose the only difference would be that the need for emotional agility is now more than ever so much more profound and clearer now.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is our power to choose and its in that choice that lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor Frankl. We didn’t choose these circumstances. This stimulus has been served to us, and this is the time we need to choose between the response.

While the narrative has been using “social distancing”, its really “physical distancing”. We still need to be able to look for quality and meaningful interactions that are important to us. We can be lonely in a crowd as well, it’s a function of whether our interactions are meaningful, its not about how many people can we surround ourselves with. Emotions are our signposts of things we most deeply care out. Example – if we are feeling lonely, what Is loneliness a signpost of ? Its telling your that you value presence and connectedness and you don’t have enough of that right now. So loneliness tells you here is something you value and you need to bring this into your life, or move in this direction. So you start asking yourself, what are some small changes I can make that are important to me, what are ways in which I can come to my experience. We need to handle these difficulties by being compassionate with ourselves.

Fear. How does fear operate ? When we feel fearful or the situation is ambigious, our mind tries to fill in the blanks of what we don’t know. We might catastrophize things, develop huge anxiety. In the endeavour to find answers, we reach out to our twitter feeds that provokes more anxiety, more fear and more emotional contagion when we subtly pick up the emotions of other people. Hence, being mindlessly stuck in our experiences. Instead, ask ourselves – is this helping me, is there an alternative way I can be engaging ? Are there things ive been meaning to do – creating a garden, reading the books that have been on that list for long, spoken to a long lost friend, do my relationships need tending – are my actions serving me, who I am as a person, the loving being that I want to be.

Consider how often we use this language – I am lonely, I am sad, I am angry. This is the normal default way in which we describe how we are feeling. But effectively we are saying- I am, all of me, 100% of me is that one single emotion, that singular experience. By language and therefore by understanding we begin to define ourselves by our emotion. But we are not our emotion, we own our emotions, they dont define us. So we want to treat our emotions with compassion and curiosity but we also don’t want to get stuck in them.

Simple strategies that can be helpful –

Instead of saying I am sad, label your thoughts, emotions, feeling for what they are .. they are thoughts, feeling , emotions. So instead of saying “I am sad” you might say – im noticing that im feeling sad, im noticing the urge to shut down the conversation with my spouse…. Im noticing the urge to keep going on my social media urge right now. You are labelling your thoughts, emotions and feeling therefore, creating a space between stimulus and response. Seeing them for what they are. So you can say, im noticing that im feeling sad, so what does that tell me about what matters to me.

We think that in order to do something, to make a contribution we have to do big things. But if you think of the need to belong, every single one of us feels that and we can half someone’s pain just by being that person’s person today. That might just be a phone call, if we can reach beyond ourselves it is healing for ourself as well as others. Tiny, small value connected actions. Even being home, physically distant, there is courage in doing that .. we are doing it because we know it’s the right thing but there is courage there in looking inside of ourselves and owning that its not that youre doing this because you have to but because that is profoundly important that you care about others.

We should also be having this conversation with our children, developing our own sense of values and character by showing up to our children’s emotions with compassion. Asking your children what are ways in why you can bring yourself to your friends. These are incredible times for us, we didn’t ask for them but we are developing our resilience and character. Simply by showing up for them, give them holding space to feel what they are feeling, that’s probably the most important way in which children can develop a sense of security in chaos.

Being granular with our emotions. Often we use very big language to describe our emotions, example; im stressed is one of the most commonly used phrase. There is a world of difference between stress and disappointment. Or stress and feeling overwhelmed , or stress and fear. What we do psychologically when we label our emotions in a more granular way is to move away from “im stressed” to “what is this emotion really”. It helps us to understand the cause of the emotion and whats the pathway forward. From a macro “im stressed” to maybe im overwhelmed. You can do something with overwhelm. You can bring in some bits of control. If my stress is loneliness, I can look for opportunities to reach out…. So emotion granularity is really important.

What can I do to find focus ?

Firstly, find what are some of those things you are doing which are sucking the life out of your day- constantly checking the Covid numbers, scrolling through social media, going down the road of epidemiological studies? As far as you can try to establish pockets of control in your life. There is lots that’s out of our control. But we control how we respond, we can control how we connect, we control how we to the best of our ability use our time off. If it means for that day simply making a list of things you want to do, or whether that control is putting your phone on silent for an hour a day, or shutting off something that is all pervasive. Sometimes it could just be shutting out all the noise – maybe you have music playing all the time, maybe some silence would be your form of exerting your control. Find out what are those 2-3 things I can be doing everyday that create some kind of routine and bring back pockets of control back in your life.  

And while we have internal battles we are also dealing with, there is real suffering – people who don’t have food, are stuck with a violent perpetrator in the house. Ask yourself, amidst my own challenges, how can we as a society support such people, that’s our capability as a community. There are many of us who would be doing this, connecting and forging bonds within the community. There are also many others and another prevalent narrative of divisiveness. Know that, that too is natural. When human beings are faced with mortality salience, anything that threatens their existence, we tend to become more us and them. These are predictable psychological responses when faced with these situations. It is not a surprise therefore that we hear nations on a blame game and communities against each other. Yet again, we will need to rise beyond these discourses into compassion for ourselves and for the community.  

We try to solve the world’s problems through our minds, but its time that we moved from there into our hearts, into our compassion, our wisdom, into our beingness.  Moving beyond right and wrong, beyond judgements and really understanding why someone might be doing what they are, that is giving in to the openness of who we can be as human being.

[iamastrongchristian-blog]

The Art of Wielding a Rod and a Staff - The Equipment of a Shepherd

. . .thy ROD and thy STAFF they comfort me.

Psalm 23:1, 4

Without the ability to use your equipment you cannot achieve church growth. A shepherd must know how to use his rod and his staff.

The equipment of a good shepherd are his rod and his staff. Indeed, every profession has its tools.

Guns are the equipment of soldiers with which they kill and destroy.

The stethoscope is one of the key tools of a doctor.

HOW TO USE YOUR ROD AND YOUR STAFF

1. The rod and staff are used to lead and to rule.

And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword… and he shall rule them with a ROD OF IRON…

Revelation 19:15

You must learn to wield the rod and the staff as tools for ruling. The traditional perception of a pastor is of someone who is soft, kind-hearted, compassionate, poorly paid, available at all times, and a never-complaining doormat. This is not a picture of a ruler but rather a picture of one who is ruled. I believe that a pastor must be kind-hearted and patient, but one of his cardinal roles is to lead and to rule. A pastor is the head of the local church. A head must take decisions.

The Lord is my shepherd… HE LEADETH ME beside the still waters.

Psalm 23:1, 2

A true shepherd leads sheep to the place where they need to go. You cannot be a good leader if you are weak. Every church needs a strong voice that is confident and bold in the Lord. The sheep are looking for someone with direction, who knows where he is going. A pastor must lead the people spiritually and in other areas such as in the family and social dimensions.

When the church does not have a strong capable leader, something is wrong.

Learn to speak to your sheep with authority. I do not mean you should dominate their lives. Lead them with a high level of confidence and control. Sheep are meant to be led.

You have authority over the sheep God has placed in your care. You will answer for their souls one day.

A leader who refuses to take important decisions is doomed to failure.

A good leader takes decisions when all necessary information has come to him! These decisions may be hard and painful. If you, as the shepherd do not take them, your church is doomed to wither.

Just look around and see how many churches are dead and lifeless. They are a far cry from what their founders had envisaged. This is because as wrong things began to creep in, the leaders were afraid to rock the boat and take important decisions.

Sometimes when I look at some hopelessly incompetent government corporations and agencies, I just marvel. They make huge losses, and generate a lot of waste in the system. I have been to government offices where I see everyone reading newspapers. Sometimes you see twenty secretaries in one office with one typewriter. They have nothing to do, yet they are paid with the taxpayers’ money every month. What a pity! They sleep, eat and chat all day. Their managers are afraid to take the decision that nineteen out of the twenty typists must be laid off.

The country becomes poorer and poorer and people wonder why. The reason is simple. The leaders have refused to assess the situation and take a strong but hard decision. They are refusing to rule. The fear of losing political power makes democratic leaders become liars and hypocrites.

I am not afraid of taking such decisions because I realize that the church will deteriorate if I do not.

Remove stagnating leaders and replace them with willing and capable workers. I make the necessary changes in my staff and with my lay pastors when I realize a change must be made.

Don't be afraid of changes. Sometimes, it is only a big change that will lead to a big breakthrough. A minor change will take place when you take minor decisions. But a major transformation will occur when you are bold enough to take a major decision. Be a strong ruler and lead your sheep to green pastures.

Lady pastors can learn to be strong firm leaders without being ill-natured and quarrelsome. Lady shepherds should be gentle and effective, without being cantankerous.

2. The rod and staff are used for a way-making ministry.

And the Lord said unto Moses… But LIFT THOU UP THY ROD, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.

Exodus 14:15, 16

You must learn to wield the rod and the staff as tools for making a way. As a leader, God will tell you to speak to His people, giving them many instructions. After you have given instructions to the sheep, you must help them to obey the Word. A true shepherd loves his sheep and tries to help them to obey God.

Moses was the shepherd of the people of Israel. His instructions were to cross the Red Sea. After receiving that command he stretched forth his rod and made a way where there was no way. That is what I call the way-making ministry of the pastor.

Every full-time minister or lay pastor must learn to make a way where there seems to be no way for the people of God.

When some of your sheep think that their house is too far away from the church, go and visit them wherever they live. This will prove to them that their homes are not too far.

My Visit Produced a Pastor

I knew a family that lived about a two-hour train ride from one of our churches. When I called them, they said it was too far to attend church. So one Saturday, I took a car and together with another pastor, we drove all the way to their house. They were so surprised to see us visiting them.

This is one thing that visits do. It establishes the fact that people are not too far away. From that day, the entire family decided to come to church, taking the train and travelling two hours to church.

They did this for a number of years, and today one of them is a pastor. Make a way for your sheep. Help them to see that it is possible to obey the Word of God. Sometimes when they don't have money, give them some money to help them attend. You may not be able to give them money all the time, but the fact that you did it once or twice encourages them and shows that you really care. This is the pastor's heart.

Make a Way for Your Sheep to Get Married

As a pastor, it is easy to see that your sheep are looking for husbands or wives. Don't just look on unconcerned and preach about how good it is to be married. Discuss the practical issues of choosing a partner with them. Help them to notice one another. That is what we call “Shepherdorial Linking.”

Teach your members that they can find a good partner within the church. Some people may not like that idea, but it works and it stabilizes the sheep. Of course, do not force people to marry each other.

You must warn them that happiness is not guaranteed just because they marry a person you recommended. This is because marriage is complex and you don’t want anyone cursing you for the rest of their lives.

Make a Way for Sheep to Find Jobs

I preach to my members about prosperity. After I've done that, the way-making anointing comes upon me and I help them to get jobs. If one of my church members is strategically positioned as an employer, I would speak to them about a sheep who needs employment.

Sometimes a person you have recommended will disgrace you. But do not let that deter you from making a way for other good sheep.

It is not good enough to say "Cross the Red Sea"; you must make a way for them to cross!

Make a Way for Your Sheep to Attend Programmes in Church

I have often changed meeting times or rehearsal times so that one person could attend. I am a pastor and I want all of my sheep to attend the meetings. Schedule reasonable meeting times. Make things possible for people. That is the way-making ministry in action.

Schedule fewer meeting times without compromising the number of meetings. Sunday is a good time to meet and counsel your sheep. You can always combine meetings. Don’t let people travel to church twice when they could have come once.

Be an expert at overcoming the excuses of church members. When they say that church services are too long, point out to them how many hours they spend watching television. When they say that the church is too far from their homes, ask them how far their jobs are from their homes. When the church member doesn't have shoes, get him a pair. Be a way-maker. Be like Moses. Make a way through the Red Sea with your rod and your staff.

3. The rod and the staff are used for taking territories in ministry.

You must learn to wield the rod and the staff as tools for taking territories. If you have a burning vision for a mega church you will always want to take more territory for Christ. You can take more territory for God through prayer and fasting. You can lead your people into spiritual warfare.

I always have a new vision for my church. When I had twenty members, I had a vision to have fifty. When I had fifty people at the Korle Bu Teaching Hospital, I dreamed of the day when I would see a hundred people sitting in church on Sunday morning.

When I had five hundred, I dreamt of a thousand. Mega Church Pastor, you must have dreams for greater territories for the kingdom of God. We are not a social club. We are not fighting a psychological warfare. We are into spiritual warfare.

And Moses said unto Joshua, Choose us out men, and go out, fight with Amalek: tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the ROD OF GOD in mine hand. And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed.

Exodus 17:9, 11

People who take new territories are people who fast and pray. I believe in praying for long periods. I believe in fasting as the Spirit leads. Moses, the shepherd of God's people, stretched out his rod in warfare against Amalek. Moses' rod symbolized the power of intercessory prayer. It is the art of travailing in prayer for the ministry.

What you see happening in the physical is only a manifestation of what has taken place in the spiritual realm.

Anyone who calls himself a pastor must learn to fight with prayer in the realm of the spirit. If you want to have a big church, you must learn to fight for it in the spiritual realm. Every territory is occupied by evil spirits who dominate the area.

When I travel from place to place, I can virtually feel the difference in the spiritual atmosphere. When I am in Ghana, I sense a lighter and easier spiritual climate. When I am in Germany I sense the presence of many marauding evil spirits.

Develop the art of intercession for taking more territories for God. That means you must develop several important prayer skills.

4. The rod and staff are used to comfort people.

…thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

You must learn to wield the rod and the staff as tools for comforting the sheep. One of the principal ministries of a shepherd is to comfort the sheep. Every sheep should be able to say to his shepherd, "Your rod and your staff comfort me." Some people do not know why their churches do not grow.

The shepherd must genuinely love the sheep and care for them when they are in trouble. Never lose the opportunity to be by your sheep's side in their time of difficulty. The duty of the lay pastor is to stand by his sheep in the time of their greatest need and greatest joy. It is not an option! Remember that, sorrow shared is half sorrow, and joy shared is double joy.

The sheep want to share their sorrows and their joys with their pastor.

It is the duty of the shepherd to comfort the sheep. The comforting ministry starts by showing interest in things that are important to the sheep. Be interested in all of their major events; especially the birth of a child, marriages, sickness and funerals. God expects you to be there!

What is important to your sheep must be important to you. If you claim to be a pastor, what are you doing to show real love to your sheep?

Shepherds, if you genuinely do not love your people, they will not respond to your good preaching. The Bible says that God is angry with the shepherds because they have not ministered to the sheep under the comforting ministry.

The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.

Ezekiel 34:4

The sheep often know the Word before you preach. What they want is some love. Everybody responds to love. It is only demons that cannot be loved! Remember that love never fails. The Bible does not say, "Preaching never fails" or, "Teaching never fails". The Bible says, "Love never fails". The comforting ministry is love in action.

5. The rod and staff are used for self-assessment.

One of the principal duties of a shepherd is to do what I call measuring the temple. Measuring the temple helps you to know where you stand.

And there was given me a reed like unto a rod: and the angel stood, saying, Rise, and MEASURE the temple of God, and the altar, and them that worship therein.

Revelation 11:1

This involves a critical analysis of the way things are going. Pastors need to take time off to analyze themselves and to see whether things are being done according to the vision that God gave.

You must constantly measure yourself. Ask yourself, "Am I doing what God called me to do?" The reason why I am writing books now is because I believe it is in obedience to God. No matter what I do, I am constantly trying to fulfil the specific call of God on my life.

Only Twenty-five Members after Twelve Years

I was chatting with a pastor who had been in the ministry for twelve years. After being in the ministry for twelve years, he only had twenty-five members in his church. His church was in a city where there were many large churches.

After many years of hard work there was little growth. Anything that is alive and healthy grows. If this pastor were to have analyzed his ministry properly, he would have come up with some important decisions.

For instance, he may have realized that he was better suited to be an assistant than to be a head.

Perhaps he would have discovered that he lacked a genuine call of God.

Perhaps he would have realized how he needed to close down the church. Analysis and self-assessment are very important in ministry. They help you to make vital mid-stream corrections.

He Returned to the Ministry

Some years ago, I spoke to a pastor friend of mine. I had known this pastor for several years. He had been actively pastoring a church in a large city.

Due to circumstances beyond his control, he found himself in another city. There he just attended a dead church. He was no longer actively involved in the ministry. He was just a church attendee.

I spoke to him and said, "If you are called of God to the ministry, then wherever you are and whatever your circumstances are you must fulfil your ministry." I impressed upon him to analyze his condition (measuring ministry) as a pastor and take the important decisions that would bring him to a place where he was fulfilling his divine call. I'm happy to say that he did. Today, he is overseeing many churches.

EXAMINE YOURSELVES, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves…

2 Corinthians 13:5

Examine yourselves to see whether you are within your call and whether there is anything that you have to change.

Can you imagine if the Mercedes-Benz car that is being sold today is exactly the same as it was fifty years ago? Can you imagine what it would be like if these car makers were to carry on for years without making changes? But that is how many churches are. They carry on for years without trying to make improvements

Our churches and ministries must be - continually upgraded and improved.

We must compare what we are doing to what is in the Bible. If you see something in the Bible that is not in your church, strive to attain that biblical standard.

I always marvel at people who fight against miracles and prophecies. Prophecies and prophets are in the Bible. The entire Bible is full of testimonies of supernatural and spectacular miracles.

If you have no miracles in your church, please do not say that the day of miracles has passed.

Just work on yourself until you have the miraculous operating in your ministry.

Accept the fact that there are biblical standards to attain! It is because we don't measure what we are doing, that we continue in the wrong thing for a long time.

Ask yourselves, "Am I a good person?" Ask your wife or husband what she/he thinks about you. Ask yourself, "How many people should there be in the church at this stage?" Measure your performance and analyze your duties! If you assess yourself, God will not have to judge you.

But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

1 Corinthians 2:15

6. The rod and staff are used in correcting people.

...SHALL I COME UNTO YOU WITH A ROD, or in love, and in the spirit of meekness?

1 Corinthians 4:21

You must learn to wield the rod and the staff as tools to correct people. Some people do not like it when the pastor points out evil and corrects it. The worst type of pastor is the one who cannot correct things that are going out of line. It is important to purge out certain things from the flock. When your sheep realize that you are a weak leader, they will take you for a ride.

Black Beauty

Many years ago, I went for a ride on a horse called Black Beauty. This was at Burma Camp, a military riding school in the city of Accra. I was a new rider and the horse soon realized that I was a novice. Our instructor was taking us on a ride through various fields in the countryside.

When we got to the boundary of the riding school, the horse didn't feel like going out for the ride so it stopped at the gate. I had a whip in my hand so I hit the horse several times and it began to kick and jump.

Soon, it knew that I was afraid of it. Some of the more experienced riders in the group came alongside and encouraged me to control my horse and bring it out into the field.

Would you believe that the horse calmly turned around and took me back to its stable? It utterly refused to go out on a ride that afternoon. I would say that the horse rode me; I didn't ride it!

Some months later after I became experienced, this horse was no match for me. I could make it do anything I wanted it to do.

That is how the pastor must be with the sheep. If the people you are leading feel that you are weak, they will lead you. When they realize that you are strong, they will stay in line.

Identify disloyal people and remove them from the fold. Rebuke people publicly when you have to.

Strength to Drive out Thieves

One Tuesday night, during a church service, my associate pastor invited a church member to come up on stage. This young man was notorious for stealing.

The associate pastor announced to the church that the young man was a dangerous thief who was going about taking things from church members. He went on to say that everybody in the church should be careful of him and not believe his lies anymore.

The church was dead calm for a second and then suddenly burst out in thunderous applause. The young man had thought that he could take us for granted. He thought that because we were a church we would allow him to do anything he wanted. That was his mistake and the sheep appreciated the strong leadership of the pastor.

…Know ye not that a little leaven leaventh the whole lump? Purge out therefore the old leaven…

1 Corinthians 5:6, 7

To some of the sheep, you must be gentle and say things like:

"I am disappointed in you."

"I wasn't expecting this from you."

"I was expecting something better from you."

"Let this never happen again."

"Shame."

"I give you 20% for your Christianity."

And of some have compassion, making a difference:

Jude 22

Correcting the sheep does not mean you should disgrace them. You can correct them without disgracing them. If you do not correct them, that thing will begin to spread among the congregation.

The "Ruby, Walk Out!" (RWO) Treatment

To some of the sheep, you must be rough and hard. With others, you must actually dismiss them from the church. I remember one pastor who stood in the pulpit and looked at two giggling girls and shouted from the pulpit, "Ruby, Walk Out!" She had no choice but to walk out, never to return.

Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease.

Proverbs 22:10

I call this the RWO treatment. Some people need to be dismissed from the church. Their presence in the church is not desirable or helpful, so get rid of them. It's as simple as that!

7. The rod and staff are used to feed the sheep.

You must learn to wield the rod and the staff as tools for feeding the sheep. It is a principal duty of a shepherd to feed his sheep. Everything else comes after he has done this principal duty. The authority to lead is given to those with the ability to feed.

FEED THY PEOPLE WITH THY ROD, the flock of thine heritage, which dwell solitarily in the wood, in the midst of Carmel: let them feed in Bashan and Gilead, as in the days of old.

Micah 7:14

I have people in my church who are older and wiser than I am in many respects. Yet in the church, I am their leader and I minister to them. Where would I get the authority to advise someone who could be my father or my mother? This authority is found in the ability to feed.

Where does your earthly father get his authority from? It comes from the fact that he has fed you for years and continues to feed you. When your parents no longer feed you, the authority they have over your life reduces.

Jesus said to Peter three times, "Feed my sheep". It is very important to the Lord that His sheep are well fed on the Word of God.

…Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

John 21:17

The principal duty of all ministry offices is to preach and to teach the Word of God.

And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, TEACHING in their synagogues, and PREACHING the gospel of the kingdom...

Matthew 9:35

Paul was an apostle and a prophet. He called himself an apostle to the Gentiles.

Paul, AN APOSTLE of Jesus Christ by the will of God…

2 Timothy 1:1

Paul went on to say in verse eleven,

Whereunto I am appointed a PREACHER, and an apostle, and a TEACHER of the Gentiles.

2 Timothy 1:11

It should be clear to every minister that our main resolve is to preach and teach the Word. What did Paul tell Timothy?

I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ…PREACH THE WORD…

2 Timothy 4:1, 2

Paul predicted that a time would come when people would not want the Bible to be preached.

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts they shall heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.

2 Timothy 4:3, 4

I believe that time has come now! Many prefer to be prophesied to. They want a quick, "bless me" prayer and some anointing with oil.

Pastors, develop your ability to feed and to preach. It is your one great asset. Look around you and observe the great men of God you know. You will discover that every one of them has a strong ability to preach and to teach.

by Dag Heward-Mills 

[polarisventuresnz]

Theresa Wiseman, a nursing scholar in the UK, studied empathy across every profession that requires deep connection and relationship, and she identified four attributes of empathy. These attributes fully aligned with what emerged from my data, but they did not address the idea of “paying attention” to the degree that it emerged in my work. To solve for that, I added a fifth attribute from Kristin Neff’s research. Dr. Neff is a self-compassion researcher at the University of Texas at Austin—we’ll look at more of her work in a bit. While each of these components is rich for study—you’ll find hundreds of books in any research library on every one of the five—we’re going to explore how these elements come together to create empathy, the rocket fuel for building trust and increasing connection.

Empathy Skill #1: To see the world as others see it, or perspective taking We see the world through a set of unique lenses that bring together who we are, where we come from, and our vast experiences. Our lenses certainly include factors like age, race, ethnicity, ability, and spiritual beliefs, but we also have other lenses that shape how we see the world, including our knowledge, insights, and experience. Our take on the world is completely unique because our point of view is a product of our history and experiences. This is why ten people can witness the same incident and have ten different perspectives on what happened, how it happened, and why it happened.

Are there any observable, knowable, universal truths? Of course. Math and science have given us many examples. But when it comes to the swirl of human emotion, behavior, language, and cognition—there are many valid perspectives. One of the signature mistakes with empathy is that we believe we can take our lenses off and look through the lenses of someone else. We can’t. Our lenses are soldered to who we are. What we can do, however, is honor people’s perspectives as truth even when they’re different from ours. That’s a challenge if you were raised in majority culture— white, straight, male, middle-class, Christian—and you were likely taught that your perspective is the correct perspective and everyone else needs to adjust their lens. Or, more accurately, you weren’t taught anything about perspective taking, and the default—My truth is the truth—is reinforced by every system and situation you encounter. Children are very receptive to learning perspective-taking skills because they’re naturally curious about the world and how others operate in it. Those of us who were taught perspective-taking skills as children owe our parents a huge debt of gratitude. Those of us who were not introduced to that skill set when we were younger will have to work harder and fight armoring up in order to acquire it as adults. Perspective taking requires becoming the learner, not the knower. Let’s say that I’m talking to a colleague on my team who is twenty-five, African American, gay, and grew up in an affluent neighborhood in Chicago. In our conversation we realize that we have completely different opinions about a new program we want to develop. As we’re debating the issues, he says, “My experiences lead me to believe this approach will fall flat with the people we want to reach.” I can’t put down my straight, white, middle-aged, female lens and just snap on his lens to see what he sees, but I can ask, “Tell me more—what are you thinking?” and respect his truth as a full truth, not just an off version of my truth. This is exactly why every study we see confirms the positive correlation between inclusivity, innovation, and performance. Again, it’s only when diverse perspectives are included, respected, and valued that we can start to get a full picture of the world, who we serve, what they need, and how to successfully meet people where they are. I love what Beyoncé said in her first-person essay in the September 2018 issue of Vogue: If people in powerful positions continue to hire and cast only people who look like them, sound like them, come from the same neighborhoods they grew up in, they will never have a greater understanding of experiences different from their own. They will hire the same models, curate the same art, cast the same actors over and over again, and we will all lose. The beauty of social media is it’s completely democratic. Everyone has a say. Everyone’s voice counts, and everyone has a chance to paint the world from their own perspective. She was photographed for the magazine cover by Tyler Mitchell, making him the first African American photographer to shoot the cover of Vogue in its 126-year history. As we push on these issues and discover our own blind spots (we all have them), we need to stay very aware of the armor assembly process here: We cannot practice empathy if we need to be knowers; if we can’t be learners, we cannot be empathic. And, to be clear (and kind), if we need to be knowers, empathy isn’t the only loss. Because curiosity is the key to rumbling with vulnerability, knowers struggle with all four of the building blocks of courage. Empathy Skill #2: To be nonjudgmental It is not easy to do this when you enjoy judging as much as most of us do. Based on research, there are two ways to predict when we are going to judge: We judge in areas where we’re most susceptible to shame, and we judge people who are doing worse than we are in those areas. So if you find yourself feeling incredibly judgmental about appearance, and you can’t figure out why, that’s a clue that it’s a hard issue for you. It’s important to examine where we feel judgment because it can quickly become a vicious shame cycle. The judgment of others leaves us feeling shame, so we offload the hurt by judging others. I see this happen often in organizations. Shit rolls downhill and ends up in the consumer’s lap. I’ve yet to come across a company that has both a shaming, judgmental culture and wonderful customer service. Staying out of judgment means being aware of where we are the most vulnerable to our own shame, our own struggle. The good news is that we don’t judge in areas where we feel a strong sense of self-worth and grounded confidence, so the more of that we build, the more we let go of judgment.

Empathy Skill #3: To understand another person’s feelings Empathy Skill #4: To communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings I’m combining these two attributes because, when we break them down to skills, they’re inextricably connected. Understanding emotions in others and communicating our understanding of these emotions require us to be in touch with our own feelings. Ideally, it also means that we are fluent in the language of feelings, or, at the very least, conversational and somewhat comfortable in the world of emotions. The vast majority of people I’ve interviewed are not comfortable in the world of emotions and nowhere close to fluent in the language of feelings. Emotional literacy, in my opinion, is as critical as having language. When we can’t name and articulate what’s happening to us emotionally, we cannot move through it. Imagine going to the doctor with an excruciating pain in your right shoulder, a pain so great that every time you feel it you’re left breathless and doubled over. But when you arrive at the doctor’s office, you have duct tape over your mouth and your hands are tied behind your back. The doctor is anxious to help you, but when she asks you what happened, you can only manage “Mmph. Mmph” through your tape. You’re desperate to explain, but you’re unable to speak, so you can’t name it, you can’t articulate it, you can’t describe it. The doctor asks you to point to it, but your hands are tied, and all you can do is jump up and down with your eyes darting to the right. You mumble and jump until both you and the doctor are exhausted and give up. This is exactly what happens when we aren’t fluent in feelings. It’s almost impossible to process emotion when we can’t identify, name, and talk about our experiences. And if that’s not enough of a reason to dig in and start learning, emotional literacy is also a prerequisite for empathy, shame resilience, and the ability to reset and rise after a fall. For example, how do we get back on our feet after a fall if we can’t recognize the subtle but important differences between disappointment and anger, between shame and guilt, between fear and grief? And if we can’t recognize these emotions in ourselves, it’s almost impossible to do so with others.  We’re finishing a study right now on emotional literacy, and I’ll give you the movie trailer. Cue the music and pretend this is the dramatic announcer voice: In a world of emotional literacy, we would be able to recognize and name between thirty and forty emotions in ourselves and others. I’m hedging on the number because we’re in the final stages of confirming the exact emotions, but it’s safe to say that fluency in emotional conversation means being able to name at least thirty of them. The last attribute, communicating our understanding of the emotions, can feel like the biggest risk because we can get it wrong. And not if but when we are off base, we need the courage to circle back. In fact, as long as we show up with our whole hearts, pay attention, and stay curious, we can course-correct. This is why therapists are frequently stereotyped as saying “What I hear you saying is…” It’s a check-in that allows someone to say, “Nope. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not sad. I’m pissed off.” For example, in non-therapisty language, you could say: “I’m sorry about the project assignment. That sucks and must be so frustrating. Want to talk about it?” This question tells your colleague that you’re willing to “go there” and rumble openly about what they’re feeling. Because you were willing to put emotion on the table, it gives them the opportunity to come back and say, “I don’t know about frustrated. I think I’m actually really embarrassed and disappointed. I mean, everyone talked about me being the perfect person for it. I never imagined not getting it. Now I have to explain why I didn’t get it and I don’t even understand.” This exchange alone builds the connection and alignment that we need to have a meaningful, trust-building, and even healing conversation.

Empathy Skill #5: Mindfulness I borrowed the fifth element, mindfulness, from Kristin Neff. Neff describes mindfulness as “taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated….We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time….Mindfulness requires that we not be ‘over-identified’ with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.” The word mindfulness can get on my nerves sometimes, so I opt for paying attention. Neff’s findings on mindfulness, especially the piece on not overidentifying with or exaggerating our feelings, are completely aligned with what we found in our work. Ruminating and getting stuck is as unhelpful as not noticing at all. In short, I try to practice mindfulness by paying attention to what’s happening in these conversations, to the feelings they’re bringing up in me, to my body language, and to the body language of the person I’m talking to. Minimizing and exaggerating emotions lead to empathic misses in equal measure.