#what a douche tbqh

[dilf-in-peril]

crimes of homophobic pejorative forgiven bc i can count the heartfelt public apologies for shitty behavior on the part of professional wrestlers that i'm aware of on one finger, and it was that. like i feel like everyone forgets about the part where hes already leagues ahead of most guys in the game just by virtue of simply saying "yeah that was fucked up of me to do, i own it & i have no excuse." and also tbqh i say this as a homo myself! he didnt even say the worst slur! & after the posts on the dash today we know who that honor goes to 😤

Yeah, I didn't want to bring it up because it comes off as defensive and apologetic and I don't even want to entertain the whataboutism but he did apologize for it back then in 2011:

I'm glad TMZ posted that video because everybody needs to be held accountable for their bullshit, me included. What I said was bullshit. I'm embarrassed. I own up to being a total douche in this situation and I offer a sincere apology to anybody I hurt with careless words.

[wrathincrrnate]

Okay but???? 

Kit Harington makes for a great Ethan 

[vonlipvig]

i mean, tbqh, the main reason why i'd want to try to listen to tma is i wanna meet elias.

i may not know who he is or what he does, but i know a dilf* when i see one.

(*douche i'd like to fuck.)

[twisterss]

merlin and Arthur! [for the ask you reblogged]

*i already did merlin so this is for arthur.*

why i like them+why i dont: do i even like arthur lmfao??? nah but he’s cool from like season 2.5-4. he gets a backbone and stands up to uther! he’s a good fighter… which honestly i did NOT expect cause all other shows the royals are weaklings. after 2.5-4 he goes back to being unlikeable just because of his sheer incompetence as a king…. like… how many times does he have to learn the same lesson?? how is he still a douche 5 seasons later???

fav episode: season 3 episode 3 where arthurs a donkey flkashdj. no but really it’s the episode he makes amends with Queen Annis. he realizes what he did wrong and finally trusts himself and his heart! (like gwen said to!)

fav line: “Without the people, there is no Camelot. We’re as much their servants as they are ours.”   - He really loved Camelot & its people I’ll give this douche that. 

fav outfit: he did uthers fit better than him

otp: arthur/guinevere !!! he’s his best when he’s with her and listening to her tbqh!!! 

brotp: i wish i could say merlin but he treats him like a slave ;( he doesnt have friends tbh lmfao like he’s the king. 

headcanon: nothin tbh. ;/ they fucked him over too much like he dead whats there to talk about? 

a wish: i wish they allowed him to grow… let him stop being selfish and mean… the asshole personality was tiring… especially when the show got more serious. wish he used his brain and unbanned magic before his death. 

give me a character (not from sw) and ill answer all these questions about them

[fuckyeahkurokonobasket]

lmao ok god I'm just laughing as I attempt to type this. so you guys might have seen that I recently got a new phone and have been madly downloading dating sims since I never had enough space for more than one on my old phone (I still haven't played Mystic Messenger. now I finally get to see what the hype is about). ANYWAY. with all my obsessively downloading otome games, I get recommended one that catches my eye.

it's called 'Burn Your Fat With Me'. THAT'S RIGHT IT'S A GODDAMN DATING SIM WITH BISHE BOYS BUT IT'S ALSO A WEIGHTLOSS APP. just the very idea had me so morbidly curious.

and then I go into the description and find out that heyo it's actually voiced too. and one of the boys you can uh, 'burn your fat with' is voiced by Kimura Ryouhei - aka Kise.

his character looks nothing like Kise ofc but idfc I'm still gonna date him. also you have to pay for him. there is a free guy to start with (why does this sound so wrong) but ya you gotta pay for 'Kise'.

people in the reviews were saying the free guy is a total asshole who basically bullies you to get you to exercise and then here I am thinking tbqh if Kise called me fat I wouldn't even be insulted I'd probably thank him.

I did actually test out the free guy route earlier and he's really not that bad. he's an asshole, yes, but from the reviews I was expecting him to be actually nasty and cruel. he's more just kinda backhanded compliments and weak insults, but he seems genuinely interested in 'you' as well, so I'm kinda like ehh I can deal with it. I'm used to anime boys being douche bags (coughichigoindreamydaysandilovehim)

but ya anyway, if yer interested in cute anime boys (one of which is almost kise) and also getting more exercise (they'll actually remind you once a day to work out through an alarm which I somehow find hilarious) then ya try it out.

because I just spent like $700 on going to the Sydney vixx concert I'm seriously poor af now probably for the rest of my life so I can't buy kise boy's voice packs yet. but if I get a sugar daddy I'll let you know what he's like lmao.

these are a couple of screenshots I took from the game btw. ignore the ads, again, poor af to pay to get rid of them, and also I'm stingy anyway. the space blue boy is the kise guy (i THINK???) the in game app itself is kinda lacking in info. but I gathered that's who Kimura voices from the app store screenshots. (also yeah it seems like there's actual dating stories apart from just the exercise stuff? idfk I've played this for like 5 seconds)

(also yes you tap the screen to complete a rep lmao. so I guess in the push ups you tap it with your chin? this whole concept is just incredible honestly)

[mujehan-a]

talk about the relations of your muses with other muses ( brotps, otps, fwb, anything included! ), which you love to death!

— i assume you mean with other people’s muses and not other muses of my blog ( tho i have a lot of canons abt those too ) lmao okay lisTEN THERE IS...QUITE A BIT. these are just so brief tho...so if any interests you, feel free to ask about them more. under the cut bc there’s so much. i don’t want to constantly mention ppl in the post so if anyone interests you let me know

the ones you’ll notice a lot is ships i have with @plvnetarium​ ( lmao a majority is with her uvu check her out ).

daehyun/wonho

started as fwb but daehyun developed feelings he was unwilling to admit to

daehyun is REALLY afraid of feelings because he doesn’t like the feeling of commitment

but he fell in love with wonho and he’s really scared that he’s gonna fuck it up

he wants to be able to love but he isn’t sure how....asjnsdfhb

jongin/caelus

oh my fucking god

listen

caelus almost killed kai then didn’t and kai wasn’t happy so he hunted caelus down

and it was just hot fucks

until FUCK emotions....then they just got really emotional over each other

a criminal and a cop, okay???

hot office sex....in dark corners; kai looks like he’s been brutalized but really, just hickies and caelus is just a really PASSIONATE lover

they broke up and jongin cried his eyes out...

they also have a lot of personal issues....lmao

rowan/luna

okay, these two...are so bros

they love to taunt caleb together or at least, rowan thinks luna likes to watch him taunt caleb

caleb fucking hates rowan

wonho/haru

shit

wonho hATES IT WHEN HARU IS STANDING

bc he’s short af and haru is tall af....want to fucking smack haru

makes him sit and it’s hilarious but cute???

wonho just has a height complex

taewon/hyuk

maknaes on top bros

taewon is learning how to be an evil maknae from hyuk ( lol )

if given the chance, the hyungs stand no chance against these two

taewon ( despite being victim to a lot of wonho’s pranks ) can be a force to be reckoned with

archer/hyuk

it’s been a while since i visited this ship lol

it happened spontaneously

but it’s cute??

lol sex in the locker room, mundane things !!

like...

just spending time with each other on down times uvu

shiori/pluto

shiori cried over pluto’s injuries and pluto made fun of him lol

jk, but like wow

it’s so cute??? like shiori’s just so scared of catching feelings but he caught feelings for pluto

and was like “i can’t” and left pluto

then regretted it for-fucking-ever

came back...

pluto would get hurt to get shiori’s attention lmao, shiori hates it

not anymore

pluto always has 100% of shiori’s attention

they’re always trying to get the other turned on...pluto wins a lot

jisoo/jae

the TRAVELING PAIR !! i think

a pilot and an immortal who’s traveled the world

arranged marriage that may not turn out so bad??

jisoo thinks jae’s v interesting and cute uvu

luhan/yifan

so this may have been a bit of a crackship lol

it hasn’t really carried over from @scapegoatisms

but it was a...really interesting one

that luhan actually caught feelings for yifan in their little fwb relationship

dabin/yukwon

yukwon loves the dog more, dabin just stopped giving a fuck

but really, he’s hurt by it

he won’t say anything tho...

he can’t hate the dog

he doesn’t want to blame yukwon

this was probably his own fault tbh

dabin/teno

ANGST

on both their parts bc they hate sharing and so they all suffer alone

and everyone around them can see it

teno almost died and dabin’s angry abt it...

dabin and teno are parents for x-out tbh

carina/titan

supersoldier power couple

the two would kill for each other ( and the team )

titan lost carina once ;; and carina would rather she die than watch her friends die

they love each other so much?????

they were also v chicken about confessing so when she ‘died’, it only confirmed their feelings for each other.

carina/janus/titan

best friends uvu

three musketeers of the alpha team

they’re v close with one another

without janus, carina probably wouldn’t have ever confessed tbh

riley/janus

the persistent one vs the stubborn one

riley is afraid of getting hurt so he shoves janus aside at the beginning

but janus is persistent and knocks down riley’s walls

btw - janus breaks riley’s heart...

what’s it with breaking hearts with me and angel and our ships...

almost all our ships have broken up at some point in their relationship....

hyesung/hanbin

fell in love with her idol

an unlikely relationship lol

hanbin ended up in front of hyesung’s apartment ( she was a stranger at the time ) and passed out in her bed...

they exchanged mixtapes and are only just confessing to each other

barry/shin/takuto

SCIENCE BROS

okay but takuto ( shin’s son ) savages barry at any time possible

shin does it too

save barry

but they care for each other A FUCKING LOT

sachi/astra

they hated each other -- more like sachi hated astra’s guts bc he’s annoying and distracting

but she starts to realize her kitchen is just so EMPTY without him

like it doesn’t feel complete without him around???

asksdfjh

yongho/aries

another ship that broke up then got back together

lol

at first, it was v abusive and yongho was just being used

so when yongho finally woke tf up and dumped aries, aries also woke up

yongho couldn’t really leave aries behind?? like aries was the only person he’s been with seriously

and like, he’s seen aries at his SOFT moments when he wasn’t being struck...

aries changed for the better and went to ask yongho to give him a second chance uvu

they both needed the time to heal and come to terms with themselves

aldus/johnny

so cute?

idek how to really describe this

there was a special connection, albeit i haven’t written much of it

for them, silence is golden but it was better for each other

bc when johnny became a vamp, his hearing got really sharp ( as he was deaf before )

and aldus’ voice was v soothing??

andy/europa

princely couple / rich couple

scared the waiters / waitresses a few times fighting for the bill

honestly, that’s the only thing they fight about

but also love issues???

andy doesn’t want to get hurt but he gives and gives and gives

europa on the other hand is distrustful...ish

but andy is willing to just give his everything to europa???

visual couple, okay?? have you seen europa’s fc ( sf9′s rowoon )

casper/wren

ATLA AU

THEY BOTH LOVE ANIMALS???

haven’t written much but like wren and casper are just so in love with animals and they’ve developed this bond over them

uvu

even in atla au, they have an animal shelter together

victoria/briggs

kingsman bros

they also complain to each other about their idiot coworkers who make their lives harder

drinking buddies

honestly, they can be so badass together

rollo/hyperion

he bribed her with food lol

actually, it started with a fight; like he tried to kill her employer

then SHOCK !!  she can feel his toUCH???

their relationship is just so intimate and based on touch?

they’re also super in tune with each other, they always know what’s going on with each other, even when apart???

julian/briggs

merlin was a douche

put the two people who can’t really do emotions together

told briggs to teach julian emotions and social etiquette

and told julian to teach briggs how to shoot

bonded over the fact that they hate their new ‘mission’

intak/shinwoo/jun

poly!!

stared with just jun and intak’s denseness / refusal for emotions

actually, the entire thread that started it was v cute and i loved it

intak’s slow discovery that maybe it’s okay to open up to jun and shinwoo

so he’s this emotional and vulnerable person with them???

but also like...he’s discovering all these new things

so like a kid in an amusement park, his eyes just sparkles whenever jun and shinwoo brings him to places he’s never been

there are so many more..

aldus/corvus ( i think i have a lot more ships with angel than i’ve listed here tbqh )

taewoo/siwon

taewon/seongwoo

esther/mingun

junha/myou, odessa/myou, daehyun/myou ( lol )

vita/briggs, vita/hiro ( i might have gotten the name wrong )

[bartsugsy]

I just want people to consider what would've been said if he had slapped her. Yeah he was being a douche but why does violence always have to be glorified. Idk, it just makes me really uncomfortable.

Like I don’t think anyone has a ‘right’ to slap or bring physical violence onto anyone. Even a measly little slap.

Honestly anon I’m in no way getting into this Discourse at 1am and that’s fine it you feel that way and apologies if I made you uncomfortable

But it’s a soap. Soap slaps are a literal staple of the genre. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Take it up with the soap gods my dude.

Robert walked up to the pregnant mother of his child and drunkenly berated her out of nowhere, called her a sad, desperate slapper. Candidly, if it were me in her shoes I probably would have slapped him too tbqh. But that’s just me and I’m not a good role model and irl violence is bad.

But still. I still would have slapped him too.

Anyways, Rob did try to physically pull her out of her chair and all everyone did was yell that it was out of character, which it wasn’t and/or completely ignored it so

Which. It’s fine to ignore if you don’t want to get into discourse full stop, bc u don’t have to. You’re not a worse person if you avoid it all together, it’s your choice.

(And I really don’t tend to get involved unless I get pushed to do it because from experience I know that becoming a discourse blog is one of the most blindly exhausting and least fun things you can do and it was v damaging to my mh)

But don’t pick and choose your discourse.

And I would say that I don’t know what you have or haven’t called out in the past, but you’re on anon so technically you haven’t called anything out at all, you’re just trying to get me to do it. And I don’t want to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But. Yeah. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Wasn’t my intention at all.

[superextremehotdogsuplex]

Imma be honest with y'all, I hated Jumin at first. I thought he was creepy and too possessive and a huge douche. But after listening to some people defend him and explain his actions, I played his route again and BOI WAS I WRONG.

You just gotta actually think about why he’s doing these things, and that he means no harm. His emotions are getting the best of him, so when he says something extreme, he doesn’t completely mean it that way, he’s just expressing how he feels, which is a GOOD THING.

One of the reasons he made you stay with him was to KEEP YOU SAFE. And the few times he literally says he won’t let you leave, he apologizes later after realizing what he said was wrong. But usually all he says is that he doesn’t want you to leave, and he would be sad if you did. And really you can’t blame him for feeling this way because he FINALLY has someone that cares for him and wants to help him, so he wants you stay and wait for him to get his emotions sorted out.

He loves you and he loves that you want to help him and he’s constantly apologizing bc he thinks he’s being overbearing. He just doesn’t want to scare you away. tbqh if you really wanted to leave he would have let you.

He’s constantly asking if you’re okay, if you need anything, he does everything he can to make you as comfortable as possible. He was straight up gonna let you remodel his house. This giant sweetheart TUCKED YOU INTO BED and READ TO YOU. (rip my ovaries @this cg) If that’s not the cutest darn thing you’ve ever seen then idk what is. And not to mention HE MADE YOU PANCAKES.

You just gotta read into his actions. I love this big baby I love him and want to protect him from everyone that hates him.

(this ended up WAAAAAAYYYYYY longer than I was expecting but gotta defend my bb)

[hoshira]

i just ain't feeling it scoob

idk what to say other than. i don't like rp'ing here anymore. i don't like tooru as a character that much half the time, either. tbqh, there's a lot of times when i outright just hate him. idk if it's me or if it's the community or what but i just ain't feeling it anymore, scoob. i'll probably leave this blog untouched and not come back i mean not to sound like a douche but i doubt anyone rly cares anyway. this post is rly just to make things official.

i might delete. i might not. i might come back. but it's rly likely i won't. thanks for making most of my experience on tooru a fun time tho. sorry. bye.

[gee-nx]

that transition from ua s1 to s2 is so drastic lmao

[bisoras]

lmao since you can't rank them, how about the character thing for each of them? (well terra, riku, xion, and xehanort since you did aced already)

u3u

Terra:

How I feel about this character: i love my nerd son

All the people I ship romantically with this character: ter/qua!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: terra/ven

My unpopular opinion about this character: look terra is SMART and he does not deserve the bullshit a lot of this fandom tries to pin on him like??? did they even play the same game as me???? wtf????????

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: idk, i hope in kh3 he finally just fujckin suckerpunches xehanort and takes control of his life back. i want my nerd son to have that

my OTP: ter/qua 

my cross over ship: does brotp terra/zack count bc!!!!

a headcanon fact: terra is autistic pass it on

Riku:

How I feel about this character: THE ORIGINAL NERD SON

All the people I ship romantically with this character: riku/sora mostly??????

My non-romantic OTP for this character: riku/kairi, riku/lea

My unpopular opinion about this character: i love him in kh1??? like i feel like so many people hate him but he was one of the most realistic characters imo :/

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: sora and riku should just kiss already i hope he and terra actually become friends when terra comes back. i want riku to teach terra that the darkness isn’t an enemy and that the fact that it’s a part of both their lives isn’t a… idk, life sentence.

my OTP: sora/riku, naturally????????

my cross over ship: brotp riku/cloud strife holy he c k

a headcanon fact: i’ve always thought of riku as being SO GEEKY LIKE of all the trio, he’s the best w technology and just, i guess, all around he’s the best at just picking up talents and skills

Xion:

How I feel about this character: i literally adore xion with all of my heart and want her b a c k

All the people I ship romantically with this character: roxas/xion, namine/xion

My non-romantic OTP for this character: axel/xion, riku/xion, brotp sea salt trio in general??

My unpopular opinion about this character: ngl i feel like the fact that i love her in and of itself is an unpopular opinion rip

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i would love love love to see xion come back and interact with kairi. i also lowkey want her to meet isa and lea? like… that would be so painful but so interest a dynamic???

my OTP: roxas/xion!!

my cross over ship: 

a headcanon fact: xion hates halloween because she herself doesn’t have her own identity to call her own and the idea of changing your identity to anyone at all one night a year puts a bad taste in her mouth

Xehanort:

How I feel about this character: he’s such a DOUCHE but i love him rip

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

My non-romantic OTP for this character: mx/eraqus

My unpopular opinion about this character: i want xehanort to get WREKT like everyone else but i want it to be the people he’s chosen as his vessels to do it. i want terra, isa, lea, braig, ienzo, and the rest of the former organization to be the driving force to take him tf out but idk if that’s really unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i would love to understand the mentality of the vessels firsthand tbqh. or i want to see what his criteria is for picking a new vessel, aside from just being physically capable?

my OTP: 

my cross over ship:

a headcanon fact: i like to think xehanort looks at riku and sees him as a waste, but he also kinda sees what he could have been. they were both island boys who hated feeling so… idk, isolated? they both just wanted to travel and get away from their prisons and they DID and got seduced by the darkness but riku got away from it while mx only went deeper and deeper

[n3s0-old]

all the ocean asks u wanna do!!

i just did them all cause i thought this said to do them all lmao

pearl: if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?I’d go to either germany or mexicoGermany bc im german, and mexico because theres really good food there (according to my friend) 

sails: describe your perfect partner.i dont really know tbqh, ive only dated one person (and currently still am, soooo)

lighthouse: how much makeup do you wear?depends. Normally i wear a bit of concealer, but sometimes i wear nude lip and eye makeup

shells: would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf?Vampire, i dont like being hairy ;-;

mermaid: most embarrassing moment?i pants’ed a manikin in Justice once

turquoise: weirdest dream you’ve ever had?when i was little i always had this dream (like once a week) where me, my friends, and my sister were in the tower and we had to complete tasks or else we disappearedall my friends would disappear first but when it got down to me and my sister, i would lose and fall through the floor 

waves: favourite season and why?Fall, nice sweater weather but not too cold

breakers: would you ever consider getting married?yeah but id probably never propose ;-;

seafoam: describe your ideal summer vacation.Going on a roadtrip around the U.S

rain: if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet?idk some sort of big cat

sunlight: least favourite song?literally any song thats a white guy rapping about being a douche bag and how its cool

marine: would you ever consider plastic surgery?ye, i’d probably never get it tho its $$$$

sea glass: what do you consider to be your best physical feature?eyes or fingers, ive got cool iris and my fingers are long and ive got great nails lmao

storm: do you like piercings and tattoos? Why or why not?YESi have a list of piercings i want and tattoos i want tooi want some ear piercings (idk specifics to that), and a nose ringi also want a tattoo of all planets in a row along my forarm, birds on my collarbone, a heartline that turns into a wave on my hip, a cubone skull w flowers on my calve, and a little stem of lavander w/ flowers on the side of my hand!

boardwalk: who is your favourite fictional couple?Rho/HysanKeith/LanceRose/KanayaZarya/MeiWidowMaker/Sombra

coral: if you had to describe your personality as a food, what would you be and why?cherry ice creamis cold, once you try its sweet, people either really like it or dont

nymph: old-fashioned or modern decor?Modern and simple

seawater: scariest movie you’ve ever watched?i cant think of one lmao, horror movies dont bother me

siren: in a fantasy setting, would you be a warrior, rogue or mage?Rogue

tempest: your favourite Pokemon?all time fav is mudkip but i also like meloetta, the + and - ones i forget their names, and servine

tropic: what is your least favourite thing about your appearance?lips, noes, and legs/hips (ive got violin hips ;;;-;;;)

aquamarine: describe your dream date.staying home, binge watching tv, panda express takeout and cuddles

brine: gold or silver?Silver (i have cool undertoned skin so gold looks weird on me but i still like it)

tidal: what is a colour that best describes your personality?Greens! Nature cools work well for me like greens, blues, and browns (some brown reds work too)

azure: what is something that you do that makes you happy?cleaning (sometimes), decorating, window shopping, making art (sometimes)

fog: describe where you think you’ll be in five years.id be in late highschool but taking college classes, hopefully fluent in spanish by then too!

coastline: what is your favourite flower?Lavander 

shallows: what is your typical Starbucks order?Cookie dough cake pop with a vanilla bean cream! (its the only thing i get there lol)

voyage: what are your favourite names?I like my name but i also like my alias (Fish), i also really like names like carson, arron, and hazel 

shipwreck: do you have an OC? If so, describe them.Ill do my fav oc cause i have a fewShe looks like a ballerina, very girly but could break someones back if she wanted to, cute but creepy, v sweet

cerulean: do you believe in true love?yeah i think if people didnt have true loves, you could just date anyone and get along fine (but that doesnt happen)

shoreline: if you could become fluent in another language, which would you pick and why?either german or spanishgerman because of my familyspanish because its a really popular language and not everyone in my state know spanih

tsunami: describe a dream outfit of yours.ripped jeans (if i could fit in jeans ;-;), a grey tank top with flowers on it, and my butterfly bomber jacket w/ my flower boots

riptide: are you introverted or extroverted? Are you happy with this?im amniverted and idrc about it

hurricane: describe a strange habit of yours.i twirl my hair but i do it absentmindedly (it makes people think im flirting w them sometimes its annoying)

[roughentumble]

a freaky and disorienting thing is that ive realized that, as i accept more and more that i am a trans guy and thats ok, the more i sympathize w/ male characters that are just........ objectively The Worst. like i suffered through the ENTIRETY of Just Friends(2005) for Ryan Reynolds, and-- actually, hold on a sec, before i get back to the point i gotta take a quick sidebar to explain the pain, the TORTURE that is Just Friends, the 2005 film starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart, and written by Adam 'Tex' Davis. 

i had to watch it muted for like 90% of the film. the intensity of the “cringe” aspect of this film that bills itself as a “cringe “”””comedy””””” was so off-the-charts that i physically could not stop myself from vocalizing my discomfort through groans and screeches. i would mute the film, turn the screen away, play on my phone for a minute because i literally could not handle seeing the rest of the scene, only to turn my computer back around and find it STILL ON THE EXACT SAME SCENE. i skipped entire swathes of the film. it literally got to the point that i could not handle what was happening and i just--

i gave up! i gave up and i just skipped forward until i found scenes i thought i could handle, or that featured two people Talking instead of some Event Happening, and i’d watch that, and then the scene would change and i’d be in Suffer Town again, population 1: me. Me is the only inhabitant of Suffer Town. so much of the movie hinges so thoroughly on like-- like. A Person Failing At A Thing They’re Good At. and it made me want to die. i think this movie gave me depression, on top of my preexisting depression. it squared my depression. 

OKAY, back to my original point. or like, a mixture of explaining The Film, and explaining why my own reaction to it startled me so much. anyway.

so, ignoring the intense amount of Suffering you’ll have to live through if you’re bound and determined to watch ryan reynold’s entire filmography and you get to this monstrosity, the gist of the plot is thus: ryan reynolds plays a man who was a Stock Dweeb Character in high school. overweight, very low self-esteem, “uncool” hobbies, a very uncomfortable fixation on the one pretty girl who is nice to him and hangs out with him(who herself is dating a Stock Jerk Jock Football Player, who we’ll call SJJ, because I can’t remember his name and he doesn’t matter). on their graduation night they throw a party, he signs her yearbook with a Love Confession, and intends to give it to her.

something something The Yearbooks Accidentally Get Swapped, something something She Reads The Wrong Note And Goes “Um. Wtf My Dude????”. cue him going “NOO I DIDNT WRITE THAT WHAT? WHAT? WAIT OH NOOOO!!!”. cue him running downstairs and seeing SJJ reading his confession aloud to a chorus of twittering classmates.

so yeah, he’s embarrassed, the whole school’s laughing at him because of Course. he runs from the party yelling that he’s going to “be somebody” and also something about how the rest of them will never be anybody. ya’know. that usual thing you see Generic Stock Nerds saying when their feelings are real hurt in movies. 

cut to the future. he looks like ryan reynolds in 2005, so, you know. Really Fucking Good. like, Only Reason To Watch This Garbage Film levels of good. like, They Should Have Given Him Shirtless Scenes As Payment For Me Sitting Through The Rest Of It kinda’ fine. anyway. he’s hot and beautiful and is a talent manager for celebrities. he’s all rich and attractive, and he’s a complete sack of garbage to women. 

he’s actively horrified of the “friendzone”(im cringing right now just writing the word. its so awful) and he’s really not interested in women above a surface level. we see a woman at a bar who’s clearly his date telling him that he’s the Worst and that he needs to see women as people. as she talks he is disinterested at best. she walks away and another lady, who’s overheard the conversation, looks him up and down and decides she doesn’t really care what he’s like because he’s pretty, they flirt, and suddenly he’s been broken up with and acquired a NEW date in the span of about a minute of screentime.

he gets women basically wherever he goes, because he’s only really interested in a specific type of person and(i promise this is the last time i say it) because he looks like 2005 ryan reynolds. 

so because of some Plot Devices, he ends up back in his hometown and unable to get a plane out. he sees SJJ who is now a washed-up drunkard who wears his old varsity jacket around because Of Course. ryan finds him offputting, as do i, and it’s one of the few nearly funny scenes in the film, just because i enjoy juxtaposition and so(despite it being the most boilerplate, run-of-the-mill, dull point to make in a film) it actually was something i didn’t hate to see. 

he also sees Pretty Girl From High School. they semi-hit it off. she’s shocked that he looks Like That(i know i promised not to mention it again but it’s a legit plot point this time leave me alone), he’s shocked she still looks Like That. they agree to get food the next day. 

ryan acts like a bit of a dick, name-dropping celebs he works with left and right, and getting really aggressive when a waitress drops off a plate of his old usual(a really fattening pancake... thing. it looked gross tbqh.) and like, ok, so, i just, here’s where i--

okay. okay. okay. okay. in Ye Olde Days, i wouldve written him off as a douche, and hated him, and, i. i

i couldnt help but, feel, SO bad for him???? like. okay. he just. he had NO self-esteem as a teen. he felt extremely bad about himself, for a TON of reasons, so he literally ran away and reinvented himself entirely and, found a marginal amount of enjoyment from his life???? like, was he happy? no. but he was... he hated himself a little less maybe? he worked really hard to feel good about his body, he worked really hard to get a job he felt any semblance of pride in, he worked REALLY hard to eventually get to a place where he could feel... literally anything positive at any point. he genuinely truly put in real effort to become healthy and have a good career.

and then he, he gets stuck back at his old house, and people are trying to force him to eat food that makes him feel awful and then mocking him when he gets defensive about it, he gets injured and needs to go back to wearing his retainer again, he openly fails at a BUNCH of stuff that he’s specifically been working REALLY FUCKIN HARD AT, for YEARS, because he was insecure about being bad at it in high school(like ice skating, he’s really good at it now because he sucked in high school and he wanted to overcome that), and then also receives more mocking for failing at it, and. you just.

you’re watching someone who was at the bottom of a pit of despair, who clawed tooth and nail at the clay walls of their misery-prison in order to haul themselves all the way up to the lofty height of “misery pit again, but different this time”, as they get caught in a downpour that completely erases all their progress and they slide right back to where they started. you see him completely regress and it K I L L E D me. he gets stuck back in a place where every single flaw he tried to overcome is just! shoved! back! on him! all over!

and, yeah, he’s. not great to women. he’s not beating them or anything, i don’t think he treats them SUPER badly, or actively thinking of them as lesser. but it doesn’t change the fact that he is BAD to them, and he thinks of all interactions with attractive women as transactional. and thats TERRIBLE. but i just!!! i cant help myself man i cant stop i just i look at him and all i feel is like!!!!!!! 

leave him alone!!!!!!!!!!! get the boy therapy or something!!! dont tear him down like this!!!!!!! we cant just tear someone down every time they make a semblance of an attempt at being Not Miserable!!!!!!!! just!!!!! he doesnt need this, man!!!!! hes literally just The Saddest Person with The Lowest Self Esteem Of All Time, so he uses his newfound ability to find people willing to sleep with him, as a way of raising his self esteem. is he the Best Person? not on your life. but he’s just! a sad little man! who’s trying his best! i dont wanna see him torn to shreds, man. i just want him to realize that his self-worth doesn’t have to rely entirely on whether or not he’s sexually appealing.

because at the end of the day, i think that’s his major problem??? his own self-worth is so thoroughly wrapped up in whether he perceives himself as someone who’s sexually appealing to others. 

which like! fuck you! thats considered a Big Problem and So Sad when it’s a girl, if she feels her only self-worth comes from being sexually attractive to men, but, it feels like every time i see a dude goin thru somethin similar, its like “oh hes just a Bad.” and i get it, not only do men have the societal power in this equation, but also when theyre dealin with this same problem, dudes tend to externalize it in really unhealthy and sexist ways, and im not. im not saying every sexist dude just needs a manic pixie dream girl to waltz into his life or some shit!!! im just!!!!!!!!!! idk!!!

i just cant stop sympathizing w/ the dude. and wanting him to get Help. and suffering immensely when i see him literally regressing into a place of misery right before my very eyes. 

when really all i was supposed to get from the movie is “man was Fat and Gross. he grow up 2 b Sexist Womanizer. now he see old crush and learn Sexism Bad. then kissy”