#wellbeing as well. like this would undoubtedly radically change my quality of life
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I genuinely think I'm becoming really normie and on one hand I don't like it but on the other hand I love it and it feels like I'm growing up and moving on idk. Like I'm working consistently for the first time in my life and I have a goal to work towards and I'm in the process of getting insurance approved for a tandem pump and I'm in love and in relationship FOR OVER A YEAR AND WITH SOMEONE I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS and I bought a car and I have inadvertently turned my sedentary lifestyle around and I am finally learning who I am amd what I do amd how I truly need to and would like to change about myself and I feel like I have all the power in the world to change these things life has overall become much more thrilling to live in, all the annoying and bad stuff aside.
#idk why i cared about so many things i really domt and quite frankly never truly cared about in high school#idk why it took me so long to be comfortable with myself oh wait yes i fid. diabetes made me crazy.#and i still dont have great control quite frankly im kind of bad at it and yeah its totally within my power to change that#but now im in the process of aquiring a pump. and not going to lie the idea of being able to kick back and deal with diabetes at a less#frequent and intensive pace is a really nice thought. it's not going to be perfect but if it can keep my a1c down to 6 or so that#would chsnge my entire life. my entire mwntal and emotional wellbeing would change radically. my attitude and self confidence. my physical#wellbeing as well. like this would undoubtedly radically change my quality of life#anyway lol#i get emotional thinking of mysekf with a pump with drastically better control of my autoimmune disease and man it makes me want to cry lol#i want to be her i dont want to feel sick and i dont want my autoimmune condition influencing my mood and actions anymore i want to be#clearheaded and rational and healthy i want to feel healthy so bad
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Beligra Male Enhancement Reviews - Easiest Way To Get Long Lasting Erection! Price, Buy
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https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/beligra-male-enhancement-reviews-enhancer-your-sexual-power-price-buy
https://www.completefoods.co/diy/recipes/beligra-male-enhancement-ramp-up-sexual-stamina-with-me-pills
https://beligramaleenhancements.blogspot.com/2020/01/beligra-male-enhancement.html
https://sites.google.com/site/beligramaleenhancements/beligra-male-enhancement
https://beligramaleenhancements.hatenablog.com/entry/2020/01/18/202133
http://beligramaleenhancements.over-blog.com/beligra-male-enhancement
https://www.bloglovin.com/@wiliemoore/beligra-male-enhancement-reviews-easiest
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Homecoming
By Kat
Today feels like a homecoming!!! I didn’t want to make a big deal and draw attention, so I didn’t make a formal announcement beforehand, but I think I will say a few words now...
I worked my last shift last night at Roia, and I am so grateful for the experience it has brought me and the friendships I have made along the way. I am both terrified and excited for what is coming next, which is how I know I made the right decision. I still plan to continue a professional relationship and work events, so I will be there from time to time to check in. Never fear! I am always close at hand... 😉
My goal now is to practice being present and learning how to leave empty space for what is needed to insert itself into my life where it is most needed. For right now, my truth is that I need time to rest and to recover my health. I need to practice being still. I also need to remember the true power of community and opening my heart to those around me, sharing my authentic experience and allowing myself to accept help.
These past two years of battling an autoimmune condition while trying to work and go to school full time in NYC had utterly drained me. I had fallen into the trap of thinking I was this glorified “lone wolf,” trying to get the next thing done so that I could achieve my goals. I had to be focused and strong and not let anything distract me. I thought I was making progress, and of course I was, but it certainly wasn’t the most joyful and efficient way to go about it. So much was trying to reach me, but I was not open to any other perspectives or possibilities. I thought I had it all figured out. In essence, I became isolated in my heart, and also burnt out physically. I felt the stress and the weight of carrying the responsibility for everything upon my shoulders. Ironically, I was having shoulder problems as well as increasing difficulty with digestion, to the point where I amassed allergies to 13 different foods and could no longer eat anything that I didn’t prepare with my own two hands for fear that I might have a reaction....
A light switch went off at some point. I could keep thinking that I was getting closer to my goal... “just around the next corner,” is what I kept telling myself. “Just make it to Friday and then I can rest for a couple hours.” But I never rested. I spent my one day off a week doing chores and meal prepping, always racing the clock. I crammed in all my studying into one evening and then in the mornings on the train into the city, always arriving late to whatever destination I was headed off to.
But it was through counterintuitively increasing my meditation (despite having “no time”) and re-invigorating my buddhist practice that I remembered again that all we have is NOW. I felt the visceral truth of the power of the present moment, and how it is the only place life is ever found. I stopped planning to, “at some point be well and live a balanced life,” and I started FEELING the quality of my present life condition. What I FELT was so much stress, anxiety, and isolation. What had I been creating?? Was it any wonder my health was in such fragile condition? My body was trying to warn me, but I hadn’t been LISTENING. I decided from that realization to begin making changes that would anchor the fairytale version of my best life SOLIDLY in THIS moment.
Yesterday, I began a chinese herbal medicine protocol that I will be undertaking for an entire month, which will require adjustments and sacrifices. I will need to avoid stress, which includes both internal and external factors. It has been a brutally honest, introspective, revelatory, and uncomfortable last couple months to say the least... and undoubtedly this herbal medicine journey will continue to be all of these and more. But today, I felt the dawn on the horizon.
I am spending this first saturday of many future saturdays off by cleaning my house lovingly and thoroughly, all the unattended and forgotten corners, so that the light can now reach them. I will once again sit in meditation with gratitude for all that I have in my life to be able to make these changes to support my greatest good. And I will continue spreading encouragement to all those I am connected to, in hopes of inspiring others to stop waiting to accomplish the next thing before you start the business of actually living.
Take time to really listen to the wisdom of your body, take GOOD care of yourself, and know that the universe is taking care of everything else. The most important stuff will get done... it always does! And sometimes we have to be willing to be wrong. We have to re-examine our beliefs. We sometimes have to take what looks like a step backwards in order to move forward. We have to be willing to let go of how we think things should be. We have to be willing to cut our losses and start over. Logic shouldn’t always get to drive the car. Here is the trick: embodying your own beingness contains the all pervasive wisdom that supercedes intellectual knowledge. It really IS that simple...
I have been reading a book on Daoism and they have been repeating the importance of “harmonizing with the breath.” But what does this mean? I kept trying to analyze it, lol. OF COURSE. Classic Kat. And then I began to just notice.. I felt the softness with which the body takes in only what it needs. I felt the body letting go of that which it does not need. I felt how emptiness somehow has this quality to contain. I rested in the stillness of the absence of efforting. I realized that at all cost, this is what my spirit had been asking for through my body.
“Only when the conceptual mind is ‘forgotten’ does the illumination of inherent nature become accessible. Consequently, deliberate meditation will not produce the illumination of inherent nature; it can only be achieved through an effortlessness indicated by the classic Daoist concept of nonaction.” - christopher cott & adam rock, excerpt from “turning the light around” in the secret of the golden flower.
Frantic energy being dispersed in 20 different directions cannot ever yield the results I am looking for. And yet, I must embrace all that I have been as the beloved fuel, the impetus for the fruits that now spring forth. RADICALLY EMBRACING who you are and accepting all parts of yourself is the only way to move in the direction of wellbeing. This illness and journey has been the FOUNDATIONAL cornerstone of the healer that I am meant to become. Which brings me to the intersection of spirituality and medicine that is so beautifully embodied in classical Chinese medicine, being based on Daoism.
“[...] the primary cause of all illness: a failure to accept the world in which we live as it is.” - Ann Cecil-Sterman
I must begin a new way, and I start that journey today. Sending love to all my fellow badass transformative spiritual warriors in flesh suits. We are all in this together! Thank you for journeying beside me!! ❤️
Blessings, healing, and light,
The Wizard ✨
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