#well you see i would want to go to hamburg again anyway because i didn't get to see it last time and it seems really nice

[binch-i-might-be]

someone needs to kill me dead before I get another ticket for hamilton hamburg (the translation I don't even enjoy but is nonetheless still hamilton and thus makes me go foaming at the mouth insane)

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man ch. 86-90

The shocking answers to all your existential dancing questions INSIDE!

Okay, so last time Makima basically laid out her true agenda, which is to either take control of Chainsaw Man's reality altering powers, or to die to Chainsaw Man in the attempt.

According to her, the Chainsaw Devil was the one even other devils feared, because when Chainsaw killed one of them, they stayed dead, instead of reincarnating. But devils in this world are manifestations of humanity's collective fear of a particular thing, so the only way to destroy a devil forever is to also destroy the very concept they embody. So in this universe there used to be a historical event called "World War II", which gave rise to a "World War II Devil", I guess. Then Chainsaw Devil killed that guy, and now World War II never happened.

Makima, aka the Control Devil, seems to be the only one who remembers these changes, and she knows Chainsaw Man is responsible for them, so she wants to take that power for herself and control it, natch.

I am not sure if she actually knows how to accomplish this. The Chainsaw Devil became Pochita and merged with Denji back in Chapter 1, and Makima seems to view this as an obstacle. Everything she's done since chapter 1 has been designed to undermine the contract between Pochita and Denji, but they're still combined, you know?

Also, Makima admits that she might lose and get destroyed by Chainsaw Man, so there's a sense of fatalism to her campaign. She's just sort of doing stuff and it's not clear if she cares if it works. She ordered Chainsaw Man to save her from the Hell Devil, and then he got cast down to Hell, and then he made it back, but then he attacked Makima instead of saving her. So I'm not sure what to make of it.

None of this really explains why Chainsaw Man is terrorizing a fast food place in Chapter 85. I think the idea here is that Denji is taking a back seat in this merger, and now we're seeing a more "pure" version of the Chainsaw Devil, without Denji's humanity to temper its actions. It still has Pochita's desire to experience Denji's dreams, though, and Denji once expressed a desire to eat a burger, so I think this is Pochita trying to do that on his own. The problem is that the Chainsaw Devil can't talk or do much of anything without carving up everything around him.

Coincidentally, Kobeni works at this burger joint, since she resigned from Public Safety. I'm not sure she recognizes this new (old?) version of Chainsaw Man, but either way, she's too afraid of it to serve it hamburgers without tripping and dropping the order. Her boss wonders if this is all an elaborate Candid Camera bit, because... well, it probably would make more sense than what is actually happening. Chainsw decapitates him. I'm not sure if this is accidental or not.

Kobeni finally manages to get the food to Chainsaw, who eats it, then recalls Denji's longing to go on a date. Chainsaw would like to do that too, but where would he find a girl to go out with him? Oh, there's one on his left. Perfect!

The bigger question is: Why is Chainsaw bothering with this at all? I think the idea here is that he lacks the sapience that Denji had. Not that Denji was a genius or anything, but he would probably understand that he didn't actually finish off Makima earlier, and he wouldn't just wander off to fool around with Kobeni. Then again, maybe seeking out Kobeni is exactly what he'd do in this situation. Just about everyone else he knows is dead. Denji and Kobeni were never close, but who else has he got left?

Anyway, he makes her dance on some arcade machine and when a Devil Hunter shows up to intervene, he kills that guy. I'm not sure he was in Public Safety or just a civilian hunter, but he had no idea what he was getting into.

Then he just sits around on a rooftop and Makima confronts him again. I think she's been following him for a little while now, and he's finally realized it. Or maybe all that stuff with Kobeni was just him killing time while he waited for Makima to make a move.

This time, Makima has a new squad to back her up. Some of these faces are familiar. Qwanxi, Reze, and the sword guy who was the grandson of the Yakuza guy Denji used to work for. But there's four others making their debut here.

This kind of irritates me, because the returning characters all seemed to be dead, and the implication here is that the other four were also guys we've seen before. I thought the girl was Angel Devil because of the hair and the jacket sleeves flopping around, but she's got her arms crossed and she's just wearing the jacket like a cape. And I thought the blonde guy might be the one who used the Stone Devil Power from a while back. But no, they're all new characters, yet they're presented like callbacks we're supposed to recognize.

Also, it's unclear whether Reze, Quanxi, and the sword guy are back from the dead or simply got brainwashed like everyone else. I enjoyed Reze and Quanxi from before, but this comeback is kind of weak because they're just stooges for Makima now, with no interest in their original motives.

Makima explains this, although I'm not sure Chainsaw is really capable of understanding what she's saying. It sure seemed like Reze and the others had a similar deal to Denji, where they weren't devils or humans or fiends, but a secret fourth thing. Makima confirms that they are indeed a secret fourth thing, and the reason it's a secret is because Chainsaw Man erased that secret fourth thing the same way he erased World War II.

Except... he kind of didn't, because Reze and the others are still here. The name was erased, but they're still around, somehow. The Chainsaw Man wiki calls them "hybrids", so that's as good a name as any. Maybe that's how they survived the erasure. Devils can merge with living humans, clearly, but maybe there's more than one way to do it, and Chainsaw erased one method but not the other. These seven hybrids and Chainsaw Man still exist because they were created with that other process, and Makima isn't aware of the distinction.

Or this erasure thing is bullshit. I mean, Chainsaw Man killed the Gun Devil, right? But there's still guns. Kishibe's group shot Makima earlier today. Chainsaw Man killed the Zombie Devil, but everyone still remembers zombies. Hell, some of Zombie Devil's own zombies were still around weeks after that battle.

So is there some loophole to this? Did Chainsaw Devil's erasure power only work before Pochita merged with Denji? Is that why Makima is trying to separate them? It's the only thing that makes sense to me. She already had Denji under her thumb before, so all of this would have been unnecessary if Denji could fit into her plans.

And maybe this is why Pochita merged with Denji. Perhaps, instinctively, he realized that the hybrids are indestructible enough that they can survive erasure, so combining with Denji would thwart Makima's plans.

I say this because Makima speaks of a battle between Chainsaw Devil, the "Weapon Devils", and the Four Horsemen. I'm pretty sure "Weapon Devils" refers to the seven hybrids under her control right now. As for the Four Horsemen, I went ahead and looked that up on the Chainsaw Man Wiki, and found out Makima is one of them. I wasn't entirely surprised to find that out.

Okay, some Bible triva for you: The Four Horsemen are not "War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death", as depicted in popular culture. The ones depicted in the Book of Revelation are actually named "War, Famine, Conquest, and Death." Conquest has been interpreted as Pestilence over the centuries, and I'm probably not qualified to weigh in on that discussion, but it's pretty clear that Makima is more akin to a conqueror than an infectious disease.

The reason it doesn't surprise me too much to learn all of this is because when Makima explained her plan to Kishibe, she spoke of using Chainsaw's power to erase other problems faced by humanity: war, hunger, and death. It seemed kind of odd to me that she name-dropped three horsemen without the fourth. I'm kind of a mark for this sort of thing so it sticks out when I see it. And it dawned on me that Makima wouldn't want to eliminate conquest because it's kind of her whole thing. So maybe that makes her the fourth horseman. Turns out I was onto something.

And I suppose Makima does sort of tie in to pestilence since she uses vermin to spy on her enemies, and she has that contract with the Prime Minister of Japan to undo her own deaths in exchange for the lives of random Japanese citizens. That's kind of like a plague.

Where was I? Oh, right. So Chainsaw Devil was fighting those eleven guys, then diapered. Makima says they couldn't find him, and that was because he had changed into an unrecognizable, near-death form. This was almost certainly Pochita, and that probably explains why the li'l guy was wounded when Denji first saw him.

So now, Makima can pick up this battle where they left off. Well, without the other three horsemen, apparently. You'd think they'd take an interest in this business, especially since Makima is actively plotting to eliminate them.

I have to say, this battle is kind of... blah for me. Reze and Quanxi were awesome, but Makima's brainwashing just makes them ordinary, especially with five other goons using the same kind of powers. These designs are pretty decent on their own, but part of what made Quanxi work was the way she was totally nude and her arrow stuff conveniently covered up her naughty bits. Reze fought in her barista clothes and then her undies, which was also kind of unique in this series. But now everyone's in a suit and tie, and it kind of falls flat.

The concept here is stretched kind of thin, because all eight of these characters are basically the same idea: a human figure with weapons for their head and arms. Gun Fiend was basically the same deal too, so that makes nine. It reminds me of that joke about how death metal bands all have white logos written in an illegible font. There was a list of bands at some show, and the only one you could read or really notice was "Party Cannon", which had this cutesy colorful logo because it was a My Little Pony reference.

And right now, Makima is Party Cannon, because she's literally the only one in this battle who doesn't look like a scribbly figure covered in screentone. Chainsaw defeats some of the hybrids, but the rest of them combine their attacks and Makima uses her own fingergun thing to try to drive him higher and higher into the air.

So she's going for a Battle Tendency strategy, which I certainly appreciate, but does she seriously expect Chainsaw Man to asphyxiate up there? I mean, if it was this simple, why not lure him into an enclosed space full of nitrogen? He'd suffocate before he realized anything was wrong.

But it's not that simple. Chainsaw just rips his own heart out and tosses it back down to the battlefield. On the way down, it grows back a new everything and I guess the old body dies or whatever.

Once he gets back down, he snares the remaining enemies in chains and...

Hooray, he won! Well, no. He didn't. None of this battle really mattered.

Chainsaw goes right back to where he left Kobeni and makes her dance some more, and then Makima shows up and asks why he doesn't eat her? Wait, is that how it's supposed to work? Chainsaw Devil has to eat a devil to erase what it stands for? No, wait, it can't work that way, but we'll get into that later.

So it's a stalemate, or so it would seem, except Makima has another card to play. Kobeni's fear of Chainsaw Man has diminished somewhat, and this is important because...

... the rest of the world really loves Chainsaw Man. By now, news has spread that the Gun Devil is finally dead, and everyone is grateful to Chainsaw Man for finishing him off. He's a hero! But if devils get their power from humanity's fear, then that means...

Yeah, Chainsaw Man is losing strength. All Makima has to do now is... the exact same thing she did before... and she'll win, because Chainsaw is too weak to resist.

Well, not the exact same thing. This time she just uses Angel Devil's power to make super weapons and throws a big spear down at Kobeni. She knows Chainsaw will step in to protect her, and that takes him down. So it's over, right? Wrong.

Remember Power? She's dead, though. Well, not quite, and Pochita asks her to help.

A while back, Power had Denji drink some of her blood, and this blood is still inside Denji's body, so even though Power's body was destroyed by Makima, a small portion of her lives on inside Denji. That won't last for long, but Pochita proposes that she drink some of his blood, which will... gee this is confusing.

Oh, okay, this is like how devils would eat the Gun Devil flesh to get a power boost. Power is weak, but if she eats some Chainsaw Man flesh she'll get strong enough to help. And she readily agrees because...

... Denji is her buddy. See, this is a really beautiful moment, because the two of them were assigned to work together by Makima, as part of her master plan to build up and tear down Denji's happiness and self-esteem. But what she failed to consider was that their friendship would also change Power into a better person, someone who would upset Makima's plans when she least expected it.

So Makima advances toward the fallen Chainsaw Man, who coughs up blood that turns out to be... whatever this is. Well, it's Power jacked up on Chainsaw Man flesh, but wow.

Makima gets the HOT TAG and she's a HOUSE OF FIRE, but it doesn't take long for Makima to take back the initiative.

She summons zombies to attack and I guess Makima was in control of the Zombie Devil too? All I know is that I don't like what that one zombie is doing near Makima's crotch.

Soon, the tide turns against Power, and Makima commands her to surrender Chainsaw Man to her. Power... agrees immediately. Aw, you let Pochita down! Or did she?

[lindamccartneysstrap]

whether or not john and paul fucked is such a complicated question to me I constantly change my mind it's like

Ok well they probably didn't fuck. But what if they did. They definitely wanted to. Well john definitely wanted to fuck paul 100% for sure. Who wouldn't wanna obliterate that twink. There's obviously some sort of sexual tension. But that doesn't mean they fucked. If anything the tension seems to be 'they wanted to fuck but didn't' but who knows maybe they didn't fuck enough. Would john play a sex tape with yoko if there wasn't some sort of sexual element to their relationship? And hey they're pretty exploratory guys maybe they also explore each oth- anyway they had gay friends and saw a lot of crazy shit in hamburg etc. I can't imagine gay sex was THAT out there to them. But then again maybe just fucking without the emotional commitment would have been hard since they were clearly in love with each other. Unless they did have that. But that would be a whole other rabbit hole to go down. Does it even matter if they were actually having sex if paul is constantly comparing songwriting with john to sex? What if they were hooking up in the 70s? Paul is always sounds so crazy repressed when talking about gayness but maybe that's just because he doesn't want to talk about it rather than because it didn't happen. His Gemini ass also compartmentalizes things like crazy maybe he just was like ok I may have been in gay love and had gay sex but I love/have sex with women so I'm straight :) and shutters away his gay side or whatever. There's plenty of reasons why he wouldn't wanna admit to having a gay thing with john. They at least had to have jerked each other off right boys will be boys? Who fucking knows. George had gay sex though 'I love dig' I see you miss harrison...

^this is the internal debate I have like daily but it's even more complicated than that

[hel-phoenyx]

Domhildr belongs to @soupedepates, Oli to @thal-ent and Meili to @azeler, Kaizarz (mentioned) belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author

Okay.

Maybe almost fainting in front of Domhildr as she was getting out of her shift was a bad idea.

For my defense, I didn't expect my body to react so strongly to just the amount of energy needed for digestion. Like I know I haven't slept in a week, but still, feeeling that dizzy right after eating ? Did I really not take care of my body properly ?

Point is she didn't let that slide. Like, at all. As soon as I was on the ground she called Meili. She never calls Meili, usually. And then while waiting on him she warned Oli she wouldn't be back tonight, for what ? I asled myself in the middle of my dizziness.

The result is we're currently at my home. It's morning after. And I've never heard that much noise in my kitchen before, even when Kaizarz was there and hellbent on finding my sugar and sweets stash to make us hot chocolates.

When I woke up, it was noon. I am so late on the thesis. Yet, I can't get out of bed. Why ? Because Meili is right next to me looking at me with those military officer eyes. The kind that say "obey orders or I'll kill you".

Not gonna lie, I've never done well with orders. I wanna get up and come back to my desk just to see how he will react. But my body isn't answering to me anymore. I can't even lift my head.

Meili squints seeing me awake.

"Don't you dare move."

I smile. Gods, the amount of energy needed is astounding. What the fuck is this sudden weakness ?!

"Or what... you're gonna pin me to bed ? Go ahead... I'm still stronger that you..."

"Clearly not in that state, and don't make me tie you up to the bedframe."

"Didn't know you were into that..."

His grimace is awful. I probably should have closed my big ass mouth. Why is it than when I'm tired I don't have any filter anymore. I almost told Kaizarz I loved him last time, goddamnit !

Anyway, I better shut up before I say something I regret. Meili looks pissed enough.

"Don't you dare start that gay shit with me, Tyr. You're fucking exhausted, you need to rest. Domhildr is whipping something in the kitchen for you, and Oli is trying to choose a movie we would all like."

"Damn... Since how much time are they trying ?"

"Three hours. We almost reached a consensus, so be a dear and don't ruin this for us."

When do I ever. But I'm too tired for this. And if I move a muscle, Meili is getting out the whip, anyway, I see in in his eyes. You can take a man out of army, but never army out of man...

Bed is too comfortable anyway, and my limbs too heavy. I wouldn't be able to move even if I really, really wanted to.

The second reason is that I won't have time. Domhildr just stormed in the room, a tray covered in food in hand. She made hamburgers with double steak and eggs, and fries on the side. Mine is covered in curry sauce, my favorite.

"Still think you're an heretic for what you made me do to those poor hamburgers, she shouts while putting the tray on my nightstand. But you needed meat, and red, bloody one."

"How I like it, huh..."

"Yeah, you fucking cannibal. How you like it, just for you. I'm letting you wake up while Oli chooses the movie, but after that, you're eating, and you're not moving out of bed for the day even if I have to climb you."

I smile again.

"This is the second weirdly erotic threat I've gotten today. You know you can tell me if you guys have an orgy planned later, I won't mind..."

"Oh, shut up, you bonehead, don't you dare joke in that state. Do you know how much I was worried about you ?"

Oh. She looks genuinely upset. Did I say something bad ? Did I do something bad, maybe ? I don't know. I just feel bad, all of a sudden.

".... Sorry."

"You better be. Hiding how little you sleep, how much coffee you drink, and when I go in your room I find a whole stash of beers clearly not here for partying ? What the fuck are you doing to yourself, Tyr ?!"

She's teary-eyed now. Oh. Did my current physical state affected them that much ?

"Sorry, really. I didn't want to worry you."

"Then start by not doing worrying things ! I thought I had to call Kaizarz to bring you to the hospital, AGAIN !"

Well. I guess that's why she's upset. Last time they had to do that, last time Kaizarz had to bring me to the hospital, it was the time of the accident. I still remember his eyes full of tears when i woke up from coma, his attempt to make me promise I won't ever put myself in danger like that, ever again.

I guess some things never change.

I lift my hand. Pinches her cheek. Shit, she's crying now. What did I do ? Why can't I do things rights ?

"I'm fine, Domhildr. Just lacking sleep. I promise."

"None of us believe you, Tyr, and that's coming from me."

That was Oli. They finally entered the room, with a movie case in hand, while Meili turns on the television on the wall. She doesn't look as angry as Domhildr does, or as judgemental as Meili's, but her eyes are full of worry, and unexplainable sadness.

Weirdly, those are the ones that hurt me the most.

".... I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. Please. Just recover."

He sighs. Sits down next to me, gives the case to Meili.

"A Ghibli, is that okay with you ? We settled on Spirited Away."

"Fine by me. Sorry for making you worry."

They take my face between their hands, look at me long and hard.

"Tyr. We are your friends. Of course we will worry."

"Now just eat, and don't mind if I eat burgers in your bed, says Domhildr while climbing next to me. I really don't wanna make you move or be away from you for the next ten hours. And I don't have a shift today so I'm ready to be there a long time."

Oli takes my other side, and Meili brings closer my desk chair to sit next to us. All of us now have plates on their lap, and the heat of their bodies is relaxing my muscles.

I didn't want to worry them. They shouldn't have to worry about me.

But I can still enjoy this, right ?

[yarrayora]

kuromahi baking halloween cookies based on this servamp kinkmeme

Note: this fic is part of the kinkmeme prompt, where everyone who see it is encouraged to write their own version of it even if there are already others who filled it read more about it here

---

A lot of people said that cooking was like art where you didn't have to follow the recipes accurately to get good results but baking was science where a single mistake could lead to a disaster. Mahiru thought it was a stupid comparison. His hamburg steak still turned out tasty even though he no longer looked at recipes because he already figured out how to make it tasty.

Meanwhile when he was baking breads there was always a chance of it not turning out well properly even though he had already followed the same recipe for years, and whenever he googled to figure out why it happened turned out it might be moisture in the air. Or the sun was too hot outside. At this point he wouldn't be surprised if astrology played a part in whether a dough would rise properly or not.

Today too was a bad day for baking.

"This is way too wet!" Mahiru complained. "The cookie dough isn't taking shape!" His fingers were sticky and gross from trying to knead the dough into submission. And failing, obviously. "Kuro, did you add something?"

Kuro knew his Eve didn't mean to sound so harsh but he involuntarily flinched anyway. "Just vanilla extract." He admitted.

"What? We don't need vanilla extract." Mahiru frowned.

Kuro fidgeted nervously. "Lawless said it would taste better if I add it."

"Oh, well." Mahiru put his hands on his hip in annoyance. "He's stupid. He should have told me if he wanted some vanilla cookies. The dough ends up too watery because you added unnecessary liquid... how much did you add anyway?"

Kuro fished for his phone and scrolled to find his DM with Lawless. "The instruction said half of the bottle's cap."

Mahiru got even more annoyed. "That's stupid. That's not how this works. You need to take into account of the dough's consistency."

"...are you mad at me?" Kuro asked warily.

"I... no." Mahiru sighed. "Sorry, I just got frustrated. Sorry." He sulked. "I'm going to wash my hands and work on this later."

Mahiru turned the faucet on, the room was quiet with only the sound of running water and Mahiru's hands squeaking together trying to get rid of the sticky dough.

"So..." Kuro awkwardly approached his Eve, his hands were massaging Mahiru's shoulders with hesitation. "You wanna fuck the frustration away?"

The offer just made Mahiru sigh. "Nnnooope. I'm not doing that to you."

"I could top for once—" Mahiru snorted loudly, accidentally cutting off Kuro's sentence. "I could! You could sit back and do nothing for once!" The vampire was slightly offended.

"Kuro, you suck at being a top." Mahiru pointed out.

"I'm an excellent dildo." Kuro huffed.

Mahiru smiled teasingly. "That just means I'll do all the work again."

Kuro's expression softened seeing Mahiru was smiling again. He leaned on his Eve and planted a gentle kiss on Mahiru's forehead. "Cuddle?" His long arms were now embracing Mahiru's body entirely.

"Mmhm, cuddle."

(Except whenever they cuddled, it never ended as just cuddling)

(This time was no exception)

---

"Soooo, how was it?" Lawless waggled his eyebrows.

"What?" Kuro's eyes never left the screen as he was still focused on his video game.

"Did my 'vanilla extract' help?" Lawless nudged his brother.

"Dude, stop that. I'll get mad if I have to repeat this level again," Kuro said, despite his tone remaining as monotonous as ever.

Lawless sighed dramatically. "Did you have sex last night?"

"Yeah?" Kuro replied absently. "Oh, is that what the vanilla extract is for? Dude, no need for that. Mahiru just ended up mad that he needed to redo the dough."

Lawless went quiet for a couple of seconds. "Dough."

"Yeah?"

"Did you use a fucking aphrodisiac for the halloween cookies?!" Lawless freaked out. "Nii-san! You stupid! You idiot! We need to get C3 to recall the cookies before people start fucking on the street!"

---

author's note: reminder that for tanakabox's halloween event, tooru basically commissioned his nephew to bake cookies to help stop halloween time loop, said cookies are distributed to people all over tokyo

[pauls1967moustache]

Hellooo!!! Could we have your dvd commentary on this snippet from my beloved ‘tomorrow I’ll miss you’ please?! (even though you already did such a good job at showing their feelings)

"You know, he didn't want me to come today," Paul tells him. He says it as a joke—to demonstrate the state of George's protective paranoia—but John doesn't laugh. A perplexed, little frown creases between his brows, instead.

"What do you mean?"

Paul feels embarrassed for a moment, his cheeks warming starkly against the cool autumn air around them. He's realises it might have sounded like a bigger deal than it really is, what with John going all serious on him.

"George thinks it's this whole thing like—" he stutters out, trying not to go too obviously red. He takes a breath, focusing on the burning end of his cigarette instead of John. "Well, he has this daft idea in his head like it's going to be Hamburg all over again or summat, you know. Like we're going to become best mates in an afternoon, and then you'll disappear, and he'll have to deal with me."

It's not exactly what George said, but Paul can tell it was what he meant.

Do you want me to come with you? George asked him, in that same conversation about the book event.

I dunno if I'm going, yet. I'll probably have to work, anyway, but if you want to see him you should go, Paul had told him.

And then George said: I'll go if you wanna go—his voice all gentle, like he was trying to reassure Paul of something.

George always fucking did that—talked about John like he was only ever Paul's friend. It frustrates Paul. Makes him feel embarrassed for bringing John up in conversation, when it isn't that he's desperate to talk about John, or whatever George seems to think. John's a thing they share. Paul brings him up because he figures George might like to talk about him, too, from time to time. But then George always turns sarcastic, or wary, and it ruins the mood of whatever story Paul wanted to reminisce about in the first place.

And really, Paul doesn't always want to deal with it; so he didn't say anything else about the book event, and he didn't say anything this morning, when he decided he was going to go.

"Why would he have to deal with you?" John asks, his voice even enough that Paul figures he—thankfully—hasn't noticed Paul's unplanned embarrassment about his flub.

"I don't know," Paul shrugs, taking another drag of his smoke. "He's not my bloody keeper."

He notices John watching him carefully, out of the corner of his eye. He holds out the cigarette in offering, not sure what it is John expects.

For the DVD commentary game

Ooh, I actually have lots to say about this one! For starters, when I was outlining this fic I was very precise about the reveal of information. I knew this scene was going to be the reveal of their relationships: first Paul's wife, then John's lover, then what happened in Hamburg with each other.

But I didn't originally have an introduction to that yet, they just went straight into talking about Paul's wife. I wanted it to be a bit more fo a shock than that though, and I didn't feel like the fic had addressed George enough up to that point (something I felt like John would've asked about, but didn't fit in anywhere else). So I wrote that they start by talking about George, and once Paul accidentally hints that maybe what happened in Hamburg had more of a significant effect on him than John believes, John gets curious/desperate enough to bring up the wife Paul hasn't mentioned at all.

The other thing is that later on in the fic, we learn just how devastated Paul actually was by what happened after Hamburg when we get that flashback to Paul crying when he realises that John's genuinely never coming back, and George finds him. This is like one of the first scenes I had for the fic, and again - I planned this very precisely - so I couldn't really get into just how upset he was yet, because it's going to come up later. I could only hint at it.

The good thing about this fic is that Paul is the denial king, so his POV is tailor-made for that kind of unreliable narrator nonsense. Paul never really acknowledges his feelings, but I could give an idea that they were there by using George's protectiveness. Paul says George had to deal with him, but we don't yet know what that really means.

And then, bringing George into it created this whole backstory of George as the one who had to put Paul back together after the heartbreak John caused him. Like, my brain went into detail about this. There's a whole mini-fic of George's post-Hamburg POV in my head. So George knows what seeing John again will mean to Paul, and he is rightfully concerned about how that will turn out given that from his POV John ditched them both and then Paul was so devastated he almost quit music entirely.

George kind of doesn't like John anymore because of this, which is why he doesn't join in on Paul's John stories the way Paul likes. But Paul doesn't like to feel judged, so naturally, he doesn't want to actually be honest about his desire to see John - even if George sees right through it. George is trying to leave space for Paul to be vulnerable about all the John-related feelings this is surely bringing up to the surface and Paul is going, no thanks! because he knows George won't approve, (and he just doesn't like talking about his feelings).

John is obviously not aware of any of this and is just trying to figure out what the fuck he'll have to deal with me is supposed to mean.

[vvatchword]

I fucking moved. Fuck that city in particular and fuck everybody in it except for the cool Bat Dude and the lady who gave me a ride so I didn't get rained on and the nice old grandpa who saw me staring into space at the hamburger joint (as one does).

Yes, I got into a stranger's car, but look. She was very nice and she reminded me of a dear friend, and I was so darkly miserable that the fact she asked was like a little ray of sunshine. Like look. Not everybody is fucking horrid, sometimes they're a nice librarian-looking lady in an SUV.

Oh, now I can't stop thinking of nice people. Let's face it: there were plenty of nice folks there. It's just that I'm not made for cities. There's what I thought I wanted and there's what I actually wanted.

I hate cities

I hate noise

I hate traffic

I hate rich people

I hate pollution (and so does my bird)

I hate the horrifying cost of living

I hate lights and need a real nighttime. If I can't see stars I begin to die. If your lights are so bright the moon disappears, you're too damn bright

I HATE public transit because...

I hate having to maneuver around homeless shenanigans. You know how many times I'd be genuinely terrified per month? Way too many times.

There were too many people everywhere I went. I would try to go shopping early to avoid rubbing shoulders and end up rubbing shoulders. There was just no easy way to avoid crowds.

Tamed nature. Do you know what I mean? Nature made as humans desire it, not nature existing outside of humankind. At the very least--nature that hasn't seen more than two separate human beings per month. I have learned a brand new appreciation for wastelands. I am not renewed by a park with a tree in it. I need to see land that doesn't need a sprinkler system.

I was constantly overwhelmed and I never got to do anything fun because I was too poor. Cool shit happens here, too, though. So I'm just going to try and go to something nice at least once per month. It's more expensive because you have to drive, but it's less expensive on the whole because half of my income isn't going to rent.

Moving was a nightmare. I basically packed up and left in a week. My dad contracted some friends from his church. They said they could help me pack if I wasn't done yet. Joke's on me: those guys didn't give a single fuck. They launched my belongings like we were Cape Canaveral. I thought I was going to die from the agony of seeing brain-dead rednecks bodyslam my books into boxes. I still haven't found parts of my stuff yet. Who knows where it's all gone. I'll find it eventually? I guess?

I proceeded to drive home in the dark and the rain, where I chugged energy drinks and longed for death. I stopped once to buy the best possible snacks I could find (Muddy Buddies, Dot's Pretzels, some donuts. My life is falling apart. I deserve nice things). My traveling partner was the sole surviving African Dwarf Frog (long story, but they started dying one by one, and she is the last).

Got home and weeks of abuse caught up to me. I proceeded to fall into a catatonic state for about two days. Caught up with myself today and finally set my PCs up. I have two; one is an old-school mid-tier gaming device from like. 2012. The other is my custom-built gaming PC from about three years ago. Anyway. I've been wanting to make them both dual-monitor machines but I had to do some troubleshooting, and I figured it out today.

I can't connect to ethernet because this house wasn't built with ethernet in mind. It's going to have to be WiFi. Ewwww. Oh well

Being home is a HUGE relief. My parents are ecstatic to have me. The DOG is ecstatic to have me. The bird is angry because I can just straight-up leave his sight now. The apartment may have been a hideous, dimly-lit hole, but it was a SMALL hideous, dimly-lit hole, and he knew where I was at all times. He has to hunt for me now and he hates it.

I can begin job-hunting again in earnest, as well as begin NaNoWriMo. I need to hit 5,000 words today. Wish me luck lol

[swagbluefootedbooby]

Hello tunglr

I moved to Bavaria two years ago and this is my story.

March 2018. Hamburg. I am sitting in our garden with my whole Family. My dad just accepted a job offer in Landshut and we are discussing whether our family should move now or in two years. Both my older brothers will finish school in two years and it would be easier for them to finish school here. I am eleven and just trying to run from my problems so I also want to wait two years. 

Well, guess what? We waited two years, the move came and it sucked. And I think it might have sucked even worse because we waited those two years. If we’d jus† moved with my dad after he got the job I would have been with my brothers, I wouldn’t have been alone, I would have been twelve and more extroverted than I was at fourteen, it wouldn’t have been at the height of corona. 

We moved in the summer of 2020. Me, my parents, the cat and the dog. My brothers stayed in Hamburg to go to university. And suddenly I was an only child. After fourteen years of living with my brothers, they were gone and I was alone with our parents. 

Soon summer ended and school began. It could have been worse, but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it. You see, my parents made me visit the school, I was going to now, a few months earlier for a week. The last normal week before the first covid lockdown. At that point, I was still connected in my class back in Hamburg and genuinely pissed that I had to move. So I wasn’t open to meeting new people and making friends, so everyone’s first impression of me was shit. And then I came back six months later to be a part of their class full time. I got lucky and an extroverted girl asked me to sit next to her. We became Friends, even if it was just in school. 

During that time I lost contact with all of my friends from school back in Hamburg, and maybe that was for the best. I still kept in contact with my friends from my Neighbourhood, and in October they came to visit for a week. It was quite nice and I spent most of my holidays in Hamburg with them. 

Then a week before Christmas our school had to send us home again, for online classes. And that went on for six months. Many students fell behind, and so did I. I hardly remember that time. I didn’t do anything. During that time I also started to read again, which I did a lot as a child but stopped when I got to middle school. I also had hardly any contact with people from my class.

 My parents were getting worried that I was getting depressed, which never happened, and they were convinced I had no social contact with anyone, even though I was regularly meeting with friends from Hamburg over discord. 

Still, my parents pulled a few strings and we met up with a family from Munich, who we became friends with and met up with often. And through them, we became a part of the deaf community in Munich and met many other people. And when school started again I started to talk to people in my class again and I had more social contacts than in a long time. 

Things were starting to look up, but during that whole time the pressure I felt because of the school grew. But not to worry, the summer break was near, so don’t think about it and just do nothing. But nothing could stop grade ten from coming and with the new school year I got loads of new teachers, for better or for worse. The pressure grew with the expectations, and my grades dropped (not that they were good before). I barely managed to get through the year. Not that I was studying a lot or something like that, I never seem to have the motivation to do stuff for school, so I just don’t. 

During that time I always wanted to write but I never knew what, so I didn't. I often talked about that with some of my neighbours in Hamburg, and they always said I should write about the move, which I often thought about but never felt like I was at a point where I could look back at the move and reflect on it. 

The other Idea was to write a blog but I just didn’t do it. And now I’m starting anyways, just because I want to.

[croatian-nt]

Livi podcast

The guests of the podcasts are Dominik Livaković and Marjan Mrmić(who is goalie coach)

Translation under the cut

Host: Tell me a bit about your season in Dinamo. It was one of, if not the best season ever in Dinamo. What would you say, what happened? How did you guys become so good?

Livi: I guess there are more quality players now. And we worked well together and..yeah. I guess something just clicked

Marjan: He is being humble. Dominik had an excellent season and he knew how to stay calm in stressful situations and that calmed the rest of the team

Livi: *looks at the floor*

Host: was losing against Ferencvaros the turning point? What made you all be that much better after?

Livi: well I suppose it was important. I mean, I think I could almost say it was a good thing we lost so early on, considering the rest of the season

Host: I am not sure director of finances in dinamo agrees

Livi, laughing: well no, probably not but I think we brought it enough money later on

Host: you defended a penalty against Cluj. Well two actually. Was that harder to do or was watching Suba defending penalties during WC?

Livi: oh wow *laughs * that's-I mean you can't compare those two things. Completely different feelings. But I suppose there wasn't that much pressure put on me during those penalities because I didn't know they would be the last. But Suba is probably one of the best goalies Croatia ever had, if not the best. So I really don't think that's comparable

 Host: Alright, first card break. You need to choose between two things

Marjan: Nutmerg or dribble?

Livi: what?

Host: *repeats it *

Livi: *loading * oh! Nutmeg. *laughs * especially when it's Vida

Host: did that happen?

Domo: *yelling from the background * (I think he said "he didn't say that!" But it's not clear) *

Livi: *laughs * Anyway, next question

 Marjan: Meat or fish?

Livi: Hmm. Meat

 Marjan: Pizza or hamburger?

Livi: Pizza. Especially after a winning game

 Host: how did you start with your goalie career? Since most guys want to score a goal

Livi: well, I can't quite remember. I was attacker one day and goalie the next. I like the way goalies threw themselves to catch a ball I guess

 Host: are all goalies this calm? Or are you and Marjan exceptions?

Livi: I mean, there are some goalies that are crazy *laughs, shakes his head * but I am more of a calm type. Works better for me. Although there is that saying 'you are a goalie? You must be crazy' so you know

 Host: Second card break. It's who in the national team...?

Marjan: who takes the longest to get read in the nt?

Livi: oh, Vida

Marjan: Who runs the fastest?

Livi: Vida

Host: Vida, again?

Livi: *shrugs, laughing *

Livi: who has the most precise shoot?

Marjan: right now? Oršić

Host: Livi, would you agree as his teammate?

Livi: well yes, of course he is very good. But Vida is also very good, especially recently, he scored a lot

Marjan: who has the best hairstyle?

Livi: * laughs, covers his mouth*

Host: yeah, you can use Vida again here

Livi: yeah, yeah... Vida has the best hair

Livi: who has the best sense of humor?

Marjan: Vida

*all laugh, Domo yelling again from the background *

 Host: so your first, well second game, against England, what do you remember from it? Were you nervous?

Livi: yes, of course. When I read the list of names of their players...I certainly felt nervous. It has been...what? 5 years since then?

Host: 3, 4 years actually. Autumn in 2018?

Livi: Really?

 Host: who are players who you find most fun? The ones whose company you liked the most during WC?

*Livi, looking at Vida and laughing *

Host: EXCEPT for Vida

Livi: Then, there were also Šime, Dejan and Broz

 Host: except for not missing being on a bench, do you miss Suba in nt?

Livi, smiling: yes, I miss him. I miss him a lot. We have been on a coffee the other day, actually

Host: what would you say, how did you improve as a goalie? But please don't give me a generic answer like, experience

Livi: experience *laughs * I am kidding, I am kidding. But I have been working on playing with my foot a lot. That's what I concentrate on the most and I think I improved. Other goalie stuff well...you learn in every training

 Host: okay, new set of cards, but with one new rule. Who would you choose from nt but WITHOUT Domagoj Vida

Marjan: who would you choose as a singer in a band

Livi, laughing: who else am I supposed to choose? Who else?

Host: alright, alright. I'll give you that one

Marjan: who would you let babysit your kid for a few hours?

*Livi, laughing*

Host: no. No you can't

Livi: hmmm. Then I suppose either Kale or Vrsaljko. They have a lot of experience

Livi: who would you let choose your outfit

Marjan: hmmm. Dominik

Marjan: who would you choose as a co-driver on rallying?

Livi: oh, Šime for sure. When he presses accelator...he doesn't stop

  Host: so tell me, do you plan to stay in Dinamo forever? Or did you have some plans for future clubs?

Livi: I don't think much ahead. Everytime I do, it doesn't exactly end up that way. We'll see. I feel good in Dinamo right now. We have amazing results and I feel like home. Zadar is close, too

Host: Well then. Don't forget about out deal. If you sign up for Barcelona you have to go to every nt conference for the rest of your career

Livi: *laughs awkardly *

Host: I hope it still counts. I mean Ter Stengen isn't bad but I am holding onto your word about that

Livi: alright

 Host: Let's ask something more private. We know you are in a relationship and by recent covid regulations we are allowed to have bigger weddings again so...I am kidding, but in all seriousness did you think about starting a family?

Livi: well yes, of course I have. I mean, all the people I know that have children think of them as biggest blessing. I do want that, at some point

 Host: pets?

Livi, smiling again: yes, Cruz

Host: what breed is he?

Livi: pomsky. Do I really need to explain?

Host: ...a bit

Livi: * explains *He is wonderful. I mean he is mine, but...he is really wonderful. He makes you so happy, especially when you come home after being away...it's amazing

 Host: Helena used to do ice skating and according to Vida, you are the best dancer on the team. That means your first dance will be amazing

Livi: *laughs * I am not so sure about that. I think I'll need to practice a lot, even more than I did to learn how to defend a goal. But we'll see how that'll go. And I have to say that Vida lied. But maybe he is the best. He dances...really good

Host: he has a good sense for rhythm?

Livi: he rips shirts a lot

 Host: New card break. Favorites

Marjan, reading a question from the card: what's your favorite childhood moment?

Host: the one that isn't connected to football

Livi: not connected to fooball. Uff. I am not sure I remember. Hmmm

Host: that far away huh?

Livi: *laughs * yeah. I guess coming back from school and everything being alright(I am guessing he means grades wise)

Host: that moments were so rare huh?

 Marjan: Favorite series?

Livi: Game of Thrones

 Host: what's your hobbies, except for series? What so you do when you don't play football

Livi: well, I actually like to play basketball. I am from Zadar, after all. I started with basketball first actually, before switching to football

 Host: okay, I gotta ask. Why do goalies spit in their gloves?

Livi: well so the ball sticks to them better. So it doesn't fall out of our hands *rubs palms together * so they are...wet. *realizes what he said * but yeah uh. Mostly so you don't drop the ball

 Host: do you prefer long or short sleeved jersey? And how do you choose that?

Livi: I like long sleeved one better

Host: except when it's really hot?

Livi: yeah...when it's really hot I choose short sleeved undershit

 Host: Anyway, you guys told me not to make this too long considering there is a final of Europe league that you want to watch. Any preferences about who wins?

Livi: No, I think both teams are great. They have different qualities so, we'll see

Marjan: I think Manchester United will win. Longer tradition

Host: Either way, thank you guys for participating in today's podcast. And to everyoone who is watching, I hope you'll watch us tomorrow as well. Goodbye

[jjmaybanksblog]

Good Old Days - JJ Maybank

Gif credit @toesure !

Summary: you and JJ meet once again after a harsh break up.

Word count: 1,982

Warnings: cheating, angst underage drinking, implied sex at the end. I do NOT condone the action of going back to someone who cheated.

You sat alone in a booth at a local restaurant, diagonal from where your friend Nicole sat with an unfamiliar boy. You had offered to 'be a look out' for the girl when she brought up how her friends had helped her get a blind date. Nicole had the fear that she might embarrass herself or something might go south, so you decided to lend a helping hand to calm her down.

You subtly flicked your eyes up and down from the menu to your friend as a waitress came up to you. "What can I get you hun?" 

"Just a vanilla milkshake and fries please." The lady nodded and took the menu from your hands. You reached inside of your bag and pulled out your notebook. Finding a pen, you began to mindlessly draw little doodles of whatever came to mind. 

You were actually enjoying the peace and quiet until the front door bell chimed. Before you could react, JJ Maybank took the spot right across from you. "Can I help you?" You scoffed, closing the notebook. 

"Nope. I'm helping my friend out and it looks like you happen to be doing the same thing for your friend too." JJ said, looking behind his shoulder to see his friend give him a thumbs up. You rolled her eyes, defensively crossing your arms.

"Okay, well how about you move to the other booth where you can 'help' by yourself." JJ dramatically put his hand to his heart, "does Y/F/N Y/L/N not want to spend time with me?" "The last time I was near you it didn't end well." You hissed. JJ immediately got quiet as the waitress came up to deliver your order.

"Oh! Would you like anything dear? On the house for the couple!" The waitress smiled, "oh no we're not-" "actually I would love a hamburger and a chocolate milkshake please!" JJ grinned. "Coming right up." 

"Seriously JJ why can't you just sit somewhere else?" You asked as you dipped a fry into the milkshake. JJ furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you take a bite. "What? It's good." You defended.

"See I could, but Steve made me promise to help him out. And now I get to talk to you which is exactly what I want to be doing on my Friday night." Sarcasm dropped from his voice as you bite your tongue.

"Well you can leave. You never were good at keeping promises anyway." You seethed, taking the cherry out of the milkshake and popping into your mouth. JJ became quiet once more as the sudden flashback hit him.

Flashback:

2 years. 2 years was all it took for something so positive and bright, to turn into something dead. 2 years was all it took for JJ Maybank to own, and then break your heart. 

You two had been dating for a full two years, both of you guys admitting you were in love. Making promises that you two couldn't keep. One of them being, 'I'll always love you.' 

JJ broke that the minute his lips touched some tourons at an end of the year school party. You had lost sight of your boyfriend in the middle of the party after telling him you were going to the bathroom. It took you 10 minutes to find him with the unknown girl. 

"Have you seen- oh." Your words slipped your mind as you saw a boy and girl break away from a kiss. Only to reveal that face that made your heart break. "I better... I better g-go." You stumbled over your words, your legs moving as fast as they could out of that house and far away from JJ.

You didn't know what to do, what to think, how to act, what to say, everything just became numb. Like someone had just ripped your heart from your chest, and dangled it in front of your face as if it were mocking you. So you just ran, and ran all the way to your house. Dried tears stained your face as you were panting, on the verge of passing out. 

Your mind felt fuzzy, as if it were an old TV and an antenna was knocked loose, like all you heard was static and a ringing. You shook your head frantically as you paced in the living room. A rapid knock echoed in the silent room as you let out a sob. You slowly walked to the door, your hand shaking as it hesitantly reached out.

You twisted the handle and pulled the door open to reveal a frantic JJ. "Y/N please let me-" "Don't even fucking start JJ." You said, cautiously backing away from the door. JJ walked into the house as he tried to grab hold of your wrists. 

You pulled your wrists back from JJ's grip as you began to have trouble breathing. "You fucking kissed some random girl. Who knows what the fuck would've happened if I didn't walk into that room." You mumbled to yourself as your head began to ache.

"Y/N you know I wouldn't do that!" "When you're in a relationship you don't fucking kiss somebody else! I didn't think you'd do that yet here we are!" You raised your voice as you paced again.

"Open your fucking eyes, it's so obvious I'm in love with you!" JJ yelled back, causing you to flinch, his breath smelled of alcohol. Your eyes suddenly fell to the ground, afraid to look at him without breaking down.

"You need to leave," your voice wavered, "you need to leave and not come back. You can't look at me. You can't speak my name. You can't have anything to do with me, Maybank. We're fucking done." You breathed out, feeling as though you had a boulder crushing your body.

"Y/N. I made you a promise that I'd love you, please let me keep going with that promise." JJ begged, his eyes burning harshly with tears. "You broke your promise, you can't come back from that."

JJ let out a sigh as his head slumped down, forcing his legs to walk out the front door, and out of your life.

Memory over.

"Look, this isn't a guilt trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you." JJ said, fidgeting with his fingers. You sighed as you swirled the straw around the milkshake. "I don't dislike you as a human, I fucking despise what you did to me." You admitted.

"I've changed Y/N. I haven't been with any other girl, I haven't spoken with that other girl since then. Please just give me a break. I've been busy trying so fucking hard. I'm doing the best I can. Please, please don't ask more of me." JJ frowned, his leg now anxiously tapping.

You let out a scoff, but you couldn't lie to yourself. You missed being with JJ, you missed him so damn much, but you didn't want to admit it. Your eyes flickered to your friend who was standing up and giving Steve a kiss on the cheek. 

Their date was over, but you and JJ sat firmly in the booth. "Let me just drive you home like the good days, just hear me out." JJ begged. You cracked your knuckles, a habit you gained after the break up. "Fine. But so help me Maybank if you fuck it up you will never, I repeat ever come speak to me again." JJ let out a breath of relief and thanked you.

You couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of luck when he offered, glad that you chose to walk to the diner. You two sat in silence for a bit of the ride before JJ turned on the radio. 'Wonderwall' by Oasis played through the sound system, memories of this song hitting you in the face like a brick.

JJ began to obnoxiously shout the lyrics like he would when you guys went on drives together. He would roll the windows down, blast the volume and just let it all out.  At first you were annoyed with the boy, but as soon as he nudged you with his elbow you began shouting the lyrics as well. At that moment, things felt normal. Like nothing bad happened between them, and that scared you shitless.

When the song ended, JJ turned down the volume and began to speak, "you know, I never took your school photo out of my wallet. It's still there. And every night after... we broke up, I would just look at it and cry. Because I drank and I ended up losing the best thing I ever got in life. And believe me I know drinking is no excuse for what I did. I lost the one person that understood me more than my other friends, than myself. And I fucked it all up. And I know I can't take back what I did. Saying sorry won't change the hurt I made you feel. But I want you to know I'm truly trying my best to be a different person than who I was before." His voice was shaking as he found it hard to look at the road.

"I can try to forgive you Maybank, but that night has been burned into my memory. And it's gonna take a lot of time before I can forget it." You mumbled, looking out the window watching the trees zoom by.

"I'd wait 100 years if it meant that you would talk to me again." JJ muttered as he pulled into your driveway. "Do you.. want to come in? And like, catch up?" You wanted to punch yourself in the face for your offer, but again you couldn't deny how much you missed him.

JJ was shocked at your words, his mouth slightly open as he nodded his head. You walked into your house and to your luck, nobody was home.

You guys sat in your room, silence filling the air once again. You walked over to a picture frame on the desk and picked it up. The picture was of JJ after he had fallen asleep with his head in your llap. "Remember this night?" You asked as he looked over your shoulder.

"Yeah. I came over to make cupcakes for John B's birthday but we ended up just throwing flour and eggs at each other." JJ laughed loudly, remembering how he would find flour in his hair and ears for days after. "Then we sat on the couch and you laid your head in my lap. I played with your hair until you fell asleep and you snored so loud." You smiled at the memory.

"God I fucked up." He whispered. "Yeah. Yeah you did. When you sat across from me in the booth I wanted to flip my shit. I wanted to go off on you and say something like, 'oh fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off.' I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." You confessed. 

"Damn Y/N. I- I don't even know what to say." JJ said as you faced him. You couldn't help but stare at his lips, the lips you craved so desperately. You hated yourself for this. You hated yourself for making this move, but you leaned in anyway and kissed him. You were taken back at your actions, but your knees nearly buckled at his touch.

JJ gently held the side of your face as he pulled back. "I don't want to hurt you." He said, his words echoing in your head. "I'm desperate. And I'm pretty sure you are too. This is a one time thing until you gain my trust back. But for now, just shut up and have sex with me."

[denkimystery]

Denki Mystery: Six Idol Statues of Taboo - Chapter 5

ー Cafe New York, Noon.

Hajime: The name of this cafe is "New York" because the name of the place is "Iriyabi"? That's interesting.*

Takashi: Aah, I wonder if that's really it!? I just thought that the previous owner wanted to use katakana. Come to think of it, I never really thought about it that much.

Hajime: Your dad… You said he already passed away.

Takashi: Yes. Papa doesn't look like me at all, so I thought he wasn't related to me by blood, but...

[[Takashi picks up a framed photo by the counter.]]

Takashi: Here's a picture.

Hajime: Eh? ... This. This is... your father's picture? But this is… my father...? What does this mean?

Kling♪ Kling♪ [[Guests enter the cafe, the wind chimes by the door filling the empty space. Takashi sets down the framed photo and directs his attention to the newcomers.]]

Takashi: Ah, we're closed for the day…

[[Hajime eyes hover over the guests, one of them attracting his attention.]]

Hajime: That paper bag… from earlier?

Ozo: Eh~!? You know, there aren't any other stores nearbyyy~!? You're gonna kick us out under the scorching hot sun!?

Karatsugu: I'm sure you have your reasons. But please, let us have some iced coffee.

[[Takashi's face goes blank for a second before a cheery demeanor overtakes it.]]

Takashi: Three iced coffees, right? Wait for a moment please~.*

[Takashi heads off to prepare their drink.]

Ozo: Phew, my first time here but the staff aren't very friendly huh? Oh well, whatever, ah~! Cool, paradise, paradise~!

[[Takashi comes back, holding the drinks in his tray.]]

Takashi: Here you go.

Tap. [[He starts serving the newcomers their drinks.]]

Karatsugu: Heh, this drink is… Delicious? A special kind of cafe in the sticks! This is an article for a magazine…!

Takashi: This is just a pack of iced coffee I got from the grocery. "Sorry!?"... or something like that…

[[The trio settles down by the barstool, taking their time drinking their iced coffee.]]

Ozo: Phew, let's see, what was it again? Ah right. The story right?

[[Ozo sets his mug down.]]

Ozo: A long time ago, a lot of the villages around here had the surnames, "Matsuno"***.

[[Hajime's curiosity had been piqued.]]

Hajime: In the past, there was a massacre in this area to eradicate "Matsuno"***... Are you talking about the story of that genocide?

Takashi: I've heard that even now, if you dig around here, you can still find bones… or so I've heard…

Toshio: Yup, that's true~. You can find bones all over the place, like around my house. Ah, by the way, we had somewhere to go, didn't we?

Ozo: Ah, that's right! Come to think of it, I never asked you for your destination! Bwahaha! Add vanilla ice cream to my order!

Karatsugu: I heard that a young flower arranger is following in the footsteps of his father, who was infamous as a heretic in the flower arrangement society, and I thought this would be a good article, right? Heh!

Takashi: … Huh? Who would that be? Do you know? 

Ozo: Nope~? I've never heard of such a thing? Isn't that just bullcrap?

Karatsugu: … Eh!? None of the locals know? O-oh no, I'm starting to get worried all of a sudden… He's from the Midorito family…

Takashi: Ahh!! There is, there is. The Midorito House. Did they do flower arranging? Flower arrangement… flowers****?

Ozo: Now that you mention it... I think that a clerk at my company, Iyami-san, is taking lessons on that? Anyway, why that topic?

Karatsugu: I got a call at the company about flower arrangement…

Hajime: That was probably just a sales pitch.

[The sun has started to set, painting the clear blue sky with an orange hue.]

Hajime: More importantly… Haven't you guys noticed? The four of us here, we all have the same face.

Ozo: Hmmm? … Now that you mention it? Ah~! You look like the guy from the thousand-dollar bill*****! I thought I'd seen you before!

Takashi: Isn't that because of the hair and not his face!? Also nope, it's five of us. Take off your paper bag, I'm not scared anymore. Long time, no see.

Rustling. [[Toshio takes the hamburger paper bag off. His face now visible to everyone in the room.]]

Toshio: ... Ah. It's cool~. Long time no see. Totty.

Karatsugu: Ah…!

Takashi: When I say I saw a guy who looks just like me before, I mean this Jyushimatsu-kun over here.

ー

ー Midorito House

The sounds of crickets can be heard. Footsteps break the silence and someone speaks.

A Voice: What is it? ... Dayoko… a call for your big bwother******? I understand. You can go back now.

Chorosuke: … Yes. That is me. I am Chorosuke Midorito.

Chorosuke: … by all means, You are welcome to come and stay. There isn't any other place to stay after all.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

Mode note: theres a segment here that's supposed to sound like banter between brothers lmao but the topic of the convo is something that doesnt translate well 😔

*the name of the place is 入浴 pronounced いりあび, "iriyabi", which uses the same kanji for the word bathing in japanese but is pronounced にゅうよく(in hiragana), nyuyoku, hence Cafe New York, ニューヨーク(in katakana). 

**Takashi uses a bit of cutesy/polite talk here like desu and kudasa~i. Think like totty's sutabaa attitude, customer service.

*** Ozo uses the katakana spelling for Matsuno this time. Last episode he used the actual kanji for matsu. Hajime on the other hand consistently uses the katakana spelling since episode two.

**** The word for flower arrangement and flowers are different. Takashi is trying to remember what was being arranged.

***** Ozo is pointing out that Hajime looks like the portrait of Hideyo Noguchi from the 1,000¥ bill, lmao.

****** Chorosuke uses a baby term for brother to refer to himself. Ani-chama,,, i finally understand why there's rising in his bio now.

[thekeigospichula]

I was thinking about omegaverse A!Katsuki doctor and O!Izuku single mom. This is a vomiting word, but I'm planning make a mini fic?

Cw// Mysogyn/ anxiety attack / violence (?) /

Bakugo was in his break, usually he got food of the hospital dinner, but nah, he was tired of that shit.

The nearest restaurant was a fast food place, they served hamburgers and trash food

Ago some time that he didn't eat that shit.

He sat in one of the free tables waiting for a waitress to take his order. He looked at the window bored, today was a relaxed day, no much patients in the hospital— really weird— and the city was really silent.

"YOU STUPID BITCH!" well, he was wrong. A crash sounded before the loud scream.

"I'm so sorry sir, I'll bring you a new order" Bakugo looked at the table behind him, a little omega was kneeled picking up the plates from the floor.

"You stupid omega, my shoes now are all dirt" the comensal said angry looking down at the omega.

"I'm so sorry" the smaller man said shivering before the alfa's voice. Well, poor man.

"Do you think that you apologize will clean my shoes? I'm hungry and now I have to wait more time for my food because a stupid bitch threw it" the omega stand up whit the dishes in his hands and bowed in apologize.

"I'm really sorry, I'll priority your order sir, you won't wait so much, and I'm so sorry"

Bakugo was pissed whit the alfa, the omega already apologized and will bring him new food. He looked at the rest of the people in the place, they were only three more people, and everyone were in them own business, well, he didn't like this kind of shit, but he couldn't see more the poor omega struggling whit that bitch.

"Hey-" the rude alfa stand up and spill his soda in the omega's head, then took him by the collar. Fine enough.

Bakugo stood up as well and gripped the other alfa's arm.

"Hey, ya, that's enough, what's your fucking problem, he is two heads shorter than you" the man let go the omega whit a push, falling in his ass and his poor aching hips. He wanted to cry, that really hurted, he tried to stand up, but his hips wasn't coopering.

"My problem is that a fucking omega throw my food, this is why they should just give us pups and stay in them fucking home whitout trouble u-"

And the alfa was in the floor, whit his bloody nose aching and surprised, and Bakugo was surprised too, the omega was ago one second in the floor and then punching the alfa's face. Bakugo stepped behind the omega, who was trembling, whit his knuckles red and soring, tears in his eyes, but with a sharp sight looking towards the man.

"You know shit about me and omegas, shut your stupid fucking mouth" the omega said whit fire in his eyes, he was wet for the soda, already crying and trembling in his tiny frame, he should look weak and little, but no, Bakugo was seeing that green eyes full of determination, he was seeing a strong human that punched an alfa two fucking heads taller than him and even making that bitch bleed.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE" a man screamed and the omega flinched, suddenly looking small again, Bakugo looked at the man whit a name plate that said below his name "manager", fucking great.

"Mr. Yoshida" the greenet said whit a thread of voice.

"You are the manager? because this bitch threw my food, and punched me in the face, is that the way you treat your clients here? I'm going to demand" the fucker said, the manager looked angry at the smaller man.

"Yeah, you deserved it" Bakugo said.

"What?" The manager asked.

"Who the hell are you?" Asked the stupid alfa.

"Well, I was trying to relax in my fucking break, until that stupid started to scream like a crazy weirdo about a stupid accident, fucker was too close to hurt..."

"Midoriya" said low the omega.

"Yeah, him" Bakugo said "He was really sexist tho"

"But he punched me, I'm going to demand"

"I would like to see a sexist bitch demanding a little omega because broke your nose, let's see what the people say about it" Bakugo said whit a grin.

"Fuck you, fuck all you, I'm not going to return" the alfa step out of the restaurant letting the omega and the beta manager. The manager bowed taking the omega's head to bow like him.

"We are so sorry, your order will be free, sorry for everything" the manager said, poking the omega's ribs.

"I'm so sorry sir" the beta stand up yanking the omega's arm to another room. Another employed cleaned the floor and brought his food. Bakugo wanted to talk whit the little man, he wanted to see that green eyes again, green, his mind was full of green. But the omega never came back. He waited for thirteen minutes, his shift ended ago ten, but he couldn't wait more. He stand up upset and left the restaurant, he could come again another day.

When he was in the parking, a sobs reached his ears, following the sound, he found the omega, he was in the floor, his hair still wet but whit civil clothes instead the red uniform of the restaurant. He was crying whit his hands on his face and his knees in his chest, his shoulders were shivering and his sobs were broken.

Midoriya couldn't lose this job, he couldn't lose any of his works, he needed the money to pay for his child school, the apartment, the food, the gas, the new clothes because the children grow up really fast, he need pay the light, the water, his suppressors and patches, his tampons, the stuff that his child use to the school, he needed his jobs because he was alone, taking care of his only child, he needed so much jobs because they didn't paid him the same than an alfa or beta, and he had to do the double of work, and he was lucky, because in another places they fired him when discovered he had a pup. Without this work, he couldn't pay the rent of the month, he had to stop buying his suppressors and patches, because that were really expensive, and the gas, maybe one month whitout gas they would be fine, but his pup will get a cold and-

"Hey" Midoriya flinched at the low voice and red eyes met his. He tried to stand up, but his hips were in pain, fine, another thing to add.

Bakugo take his arm, helping him to stand up, actually, he just lift him from the floor like he didn't weight anything.

"You good?" Bakugo asked, and immediately felt like a stupid, but the man was afraid that the omega was injured for the fall.

" I-im-" Midoriya was embarrassed, he wasn't okay, anything was okay, but hey, he couldn't say that to the gorgeous alfa before him "I'm okay, thank you for... everything" Midoriya said staring at the floor didn't dare to look at that red eyes" I'm sorry for the troubles and thank you for defend me" the green eyed bowed "I-I gotta go, sorry for the troubles again" god, he wanted to disappear, but before he could run away, a hand grabbed his shoulder stopping him.

"You don't look fine" and there, Katsuki making fool of himself again, the cute omega frowned and wipe his tears whit the sleeve of his sweater.

"Haha, sorry, I'm fine, this is just the way I look, but I'm fine" now was the turn to Katsuki to frown. The omega was cute, yes he was really pale and had bags under his eyes, he looked... tired, but Bakugo bet that if the little man dream a little more, he would look more healthy, because he had beautiful eyes and cute freckles, his lips were puffy and his eyelashes really long, his nose was so fucking cut- "Anyways, thank you for your help" Midoriya walked away trying to don't cry, he was a grown adult whit a child to feed, he needed to find a new job as soon as possible, no time to cry.

"Wait!" Katsuki run after him, he couldn't let a person that is in a mental breakdown alone, what kind of doctor would be? So, he stood up in front of the omega making him flinch in the act, fuck "Sorry for that, but I'm a doctor and I can see how you struggle walking, if you wanna come whit me at the hospital where I work, we can check on you, this could be nothing, but yeah, is better checking out, what do you think?" Midoriya had already an answer. The man looked rich, that means he works in a expensive hospital, and he didn't have the money to pay for something as simple as a little fall, he was fine, he's been always fine, what he needed was found a new job, yeah, and come back to the apartment and wash the clothes, clean the mess in the kitchen and cook the dinner to his pup before pick him up from- "Will be really quick, I got my car and if you don't feel secure we can send your location to a familiar yours-"

"I'm fine, thank you for the concern, but I'm fine, I feel really fine, I'm used to have little pains sometimes, I mean, all of us got one or two, it's really fine" Midoriya said whit a fake smile avoiding the crimson eyes. And Bakugo, well, he was even more worried now, I mean, you don't have to be used to some fucking pains, bullshit, he needed to check on the man, he needed to ask where he felt pain, since when he has been feeling this pains, he needed to ask his diet and his clinic historial, he needed to ask how is he feeling, if he's already eaten, he needed to ask his name, and what is his favorite color and... The hell?

"I don't wanna sound insistent, but a "little pains" could desenvolve big pains" the alfa sighed and took out his wallet giving to the greenete a card "Here, my number and the address of the hospital, if you feel bad or something call me, or go here and say you know me, they gonna attend you, okay?" Midoriya frowned whit tears in his eyes, he felt humilliated, and no for the kind man, but even if this man give him especial treatment, he couldn't afford an hospital, he couldn't even afford a freaking toy to his pup, how could he pay for that?, and he broke one more time. Before the sight of the man, he hided his face on his hands don't wanting to look more miserable.

Bakugo was confused and felt like shit, he felt like he made cry to the man and well, he was a shit comforting people, he was really bad talking about feelings and all that human and social stuff, so, he just stood there, feeling like a stupid without knowing what to do, until the man spoke.

"So-orry" the omega said in a broken sob "I can't pay for an hospital" his voice broke in the las word, Bakugo frown deeper feeling his chest aching "I was fired of this job" the omega kneel down in the parking floor "I don't know how I'm going to do to the rent of this month, anybody want to give me a job unless I accept less than they should pay me, and I can't afford anything whit that stupid salary, I need to feed a pup, and pay his school, and all his needs" the man was letting out all, he felt drowning in his own skin, and for a moment he just let himself be "My stupid back is always in pain, I can't whit my hips, and my stupids varicose are killing me, I have to carry my pup to all places because he is a baby, and I love carring him in my arms, but God, nobody can give me his fucking sit for only five freaking minutes in the bus" at this moment Bakugo was kneel besides the omega in the bench and caressing the omega's trembling back, just listening, and wanting to protect him of the world. Maybe was the distress smell in the air or he was feeling empathy once in his live, but yeah, the people are fucking assholes. Midoriya rised his face seeing at the crimson eyes, and fuck, these beautiful emeralds was full in pain and madness, the omega was mad "Today is the only day that I have- well HAD only one job, and I had time to do the house, but always this shitty alfas are there saying what I'm or what to do, and God, let me alone I didn't pay your opinion, or the old people judging me for being a single mom, or trying to touch my baby saying "look what adorable baby, he could be really cute if you feed him better, he is really slender" sir, I know I need to feed my pup better, but he is already cute and I don't need him hearing your bullshit" and yes, the fire was again in that beautiful eyes "I swear, that if listen someone saying something about my pup, I'm going to tear some throats" the omega sigh, feeling a little better, actually, cursing and complain about his problems felt really good. Looking at his hands, scarred and rough sighed again, because that was just the start of his complaining, but he already lost so much time "Sorry for that" said now embarrassed whit the alfa, because anyone want to listen the problems of an omega, surely the other man had things to do and he was there wasting his time.

"Na, it's fine, the people in this city are assholes and it's not your fault" Bakugo said still caresing the omega's back whitout realizing it, he was busier trying to control his anger, the audacity of the assholes.

The omega wiped his cheeks awkwardly, god, he told all that? Why he had to say all that? Regret stared to grow in his throat in a knot, hiding his face again on his hands.

"Sorry, sir..." Midoriya hesitated.

"Bakugo" the blond answered "And don't apologize curls" the blond looked at the freckled cheeks turned beautifuly red and the green eyes avoided his.

"Mr Bakugo, your hand..." The doctor wide his eyes, his hand was in the freckled cheek, in what moment that happened?, awkwardly stood up offering a hand to the green man who accepted whit his cheeks still red, anyways, he didn't have other choice.

"Listen" the blond said scratching his nape "The consult will be free, fine?" Now Bakugo was the one avoiding the emerald sight "And I remembered that are soliciting cleaning staff in the hospital.." The green eyes wided not expecting that, he knows that the blond was offering help because he felt pity for him, but Midoriya had a baby to feed, he needed a job, and if this handsome alfa before him was offering a solution, he was going to take it, but he was still impacted.

"I-I, that w-ould, I mean-"

"Don't say nothing, if you wanna come, we can check you and got you an interview or something" the alfa stared at the crying omega "What the-"

"Thank you" the omega said relieved wiping his tears "Thank you so much for this opportunity, I'm going to do my best and I owe you so much, if you need something from I'm going to do-"

"Hey, hey, stop there, shit" the alfa stopped his word taking him by the shoulders "It's fine, you don't owe me shit, okay" since where he is this kind? "Just, come whit me, someone will check you and then we're going to get you that job, fine?" the omega nodded agreeing, making the alfa sigh in relief "Fine, my car is here, send your location to someone, the hospital address is in the card send that too, my number is there, send it" the omega nodded taking out his old phone, and he made as he was sending his location, the omega was alone, but the alfa didn't need to know that.

First: Anyways, I have Twitter, so, people that follow me for the idea bout Midoriya without an arm and Deaf Bakugo, I'll post the shit there. I don't know how to use AO3 (sorry), so, until I learn how to use it, I'll post in Twitter.

Second: I'll correct this shit later, I'm tired

[lamptracker]

Ok I feel like we didn't appreciate the fact that Peter took a bold move and ordered porn while in Germany with Mr.Starks money! I know you don't write smut for Peter but I just need to read something where the reader who is Tonys daughter and also likes Peter finds him all flustered cause he was probably just curious and that was the first time he watched porn? Only if your comfortable of course but Peter is such a sweet soft boy and I can't picture him watching porn🙉

“What’cha up to?” Peter asks, entering the small office your father has set up for you in Avengers Tower. You were a high school student, Peter’s age, but worked part-time for your father doing accounting.

“Oh, just going over the bills for the hotel in Germany,” you reply, looking over the incidentals Scott acquired. “Lang ordered like six kids’ movies.”

Peter chuckles as he plops down in the beanbag you’ve tucked into one corner. It was there specifically for Peter’s visits; you tried to keep your office stocked with things he liked. Gummy bears, orange soda, the beanbag chair. 

You had a crush on Peter. From the moment you saw him, you thought he was the cutest boy you’d ever seen in person. You’d talked to him a little that first day; you found out he was shy, quiet, kept to himself. At first. 

Peter is the kind of guy who tends to stay in his shell. But once you break that shell, and he feels comfortable around you? He’s hilarious. He has a great sense of humor, he’s smart, he’s great at video games. His quiet nature is a stark (no pun intended) contrast to your personality. You’re basically a copycat of your dad - loud, boisterous, opinionated. You care deeply for those you love.

You could love Peter, if he’d let you.

“And... oh, here we go. Parker, Peter. Let’s see, let’s see. Room service, once-”

“Your dad said I had to order the filet mignon. He said it was fantastic. I thought it tasted like a hamburger, honestly.”

You snort. “Not judging, Parker. Anyway, room service... minibar - you managed to rack up $150 in minibar charges?!”

“Those candy bars were really good!”

“In addition to spider-sense, you must have super metabolism. I look at a candy bar and gain ten pounds.” You laugh as your eyes continue to scan the bill. “Pay-per-view... Game of Bones: Winter is Cumming??”

Peter’s eyes grow wide. “Um... well...” All the color drains from his face; he tries to wrap the beanbag chair around himself. 

All you can do is laugh at poor Peter as his face turns from white to a deep scarlet; he looks as though he wants nothing more than the Earth to open up and swallow him whole.

“Peter, it’s-”

“Oh, God. Oh, oh, God.” He covers his face with his hands, still deeply embarrassed.  “I... it was an accident, I promise, I thought I was calling up Game of Thrones, but then I couldn’t stop watching it, and...”

“Peter.” You rise from your seat and walk over to the beanbag, sitting down next to him and gently prying Peter’s hands away from his face. “Peter, it’s okay. Really. Was... was that your first time watching something like that?”

He nods.

“It’s really okay, Peter, I promise. I’m not going to make fun of you or think any less of you, okay? It’s normal.” You laugh quietly. “My first one was an accident too. I thought I was watching Ghostbusters, you know? The one with Melissa McCarthy? Turns out I was watching something called Sexbusters that definitely did not have Melissa McCarthy in it.”

“You... you’ve watched porn?”

“Not on purpose, like you. But... yeah. It was okay.” You shrug. “Kinda maybe a little hot, too.”

“Oh, I’m so relieved.” Peter lets out a breath he most definitely knew he was holding. “Because I-I really like you and a lot of girls don’t want to date a guy that’s watched porn, even if it was one time on accident in Germany, and...”

“Wait,” you interrupt. “You like me?”

Peter nods, slightly shakily (due to the false sense of confidence). “Y-yeah. But if-if you don’t like me like that, we can just... you know... forget I said anything? Yeah, I like that idea, let’s-”

You cup the back of Peter’s head with one of your hands, pulling him towards you. You press your lips to his, effectively ending his rambling; he rests his hands on your hips. 

“Peter,” you say breathlessly, as you pull away. “I like you too.”

“Great! Um... wanna... I don’t know, go have a cup of coffee with me?”

“Sure! As soon as I get done entering these bills into the spreadsheet.”

“Awesome. Um, there’s something else I want to do first.”  With that, Peter leans over and kisses you again, this kiss more confident and firm than the first.

You’re just about to deepen the kiss slightly when from the doorway you hear: 

“Excuse me! You are supposed to be entering my spreadsheets, not making out with Underoos over here!”

You quickly jump apart, springing to your feet. “Sorry, Dad.” 

“Listen, I don’t care if you two date or not - matter of fact, I think you two kids would be cute together - just... not on company time, okay?”

“Sorry, Dad,” you say.

“Sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, at the same time as you.

Your dad just laughs. “Teenagers,” he mutters, walking away. Then, he calls over his shoulder, “I’m not paying you extra for that,Parker!”

“You’re not paying me, Mr. Stark!” Peter calls after him; you burst into laughter.

“I just have one more of these to do, then we’ll get that cup of coffee, okay?” you say. Peter nods as he settles back into the beanbag.

“Hey, um... thanks for not thinking any less of me for that,” he says.

You quickly kiss his cheek before going back to your desk. “It’s okay, Peter. Really.”

As you enter in the last bill, you steal a glance at your now-boyfriend. He’s tossing gummy bears into the air and trying to catch them in his mouth; cheering silently when he catches one, crinkling his nose when he misses.

He’s so cute, you think to yourself. Who knew porn would finally bring us together?

[typicalhippiegirl]

Let's talk about something.

First off, I'm not putting this messed up, peely, gross looking tattoo up for anyone to judge (I'm not happy with it either). I'm putting this out there to help others learn from my mistakes & hopefully prevent them from going thru what I've been dealing with.

There's a tattoo expo coming to town with featured artists from out of town. I find one thru IG whose work looks clean & I like her style so I DM her about setting an appt. Shes got time this weekend yay! no waiting for the expo. -Do you see the mistakes I made already? It's so obvious to me now😓

Saturday's here, I head to the shop (for the first time) for the appointment & the moment I walk in it's like Uh, wtf? Half the shop is taped off & in the middle of a remodel (no dust or active working, just shit all moved around). I brush it off, theyre getting things ready for an expo right? They need people tattooing there, not playing pool so ya, no wonder it's a bit messy.

Next she shows me the stencil and its fuckin huge. Like I specifically said between 6-8 inches max bc it's going on my forearm & i'm not Stretch Armstrong. Shes like Oh I kept it between 8 & 10. Well ya didn't fuckin listen bc what woman has arms that long? So it's resized & idk what we were casually talking about but she def rolled her eyes at me. Look man, I'm a pretty easy going person and depending on the situation I may take a slight without saying shit. Also like low self confidence helps with that right? So anyway, at the point I should have been like Alright dude, we're not really clickin & I'm not feelin this anymore & walked TF out. I didnt. Like an idiot. I'm not gonna lie, part of it was losing put on the deposit the other part was just me telling myself it would be fine despite in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't.

So we start. Yo, she's a Fuckin. Bitch. I wanted a theme right, this chick is supposed to be a Texas pinup, I wanted certain colors in her clothes. I asked "What colors are we thinking for her?" She actually scoffed and says "These ones" while motioning at her cups. Wow. Ok, well, fuck I don't want to ask her anything anymore so I shutup & go with it.

This shit HURTS. I'm not a pussy when it comes to pain. I have several tattoos, including fingers, toes and a whale that was particularly painful because it goes directly over my very bony shin. I've been cut, I've had a baby without drugs. Mags remind me of getting a razor cut and I find pleasure in the feeling. I can tolerate some pain and this shit sucked. Yo, at the end she switched down to a single needle and that was KILLER. I felt like I was being carved into (which, if you'd ever seen my back you'd know, I know the feeling).

Alright so finally we're finished & I roll into the next day. I'm a bit worried about the appearance and not just bc she looks like she broke her leg. It looks wet. I continue my aftercare as normal: antibac soap & aquaphor. Day 2 I'm researching infections bc it's super painful, red but mostly it's wet. I'm afraid of infection also bc this chick had the trash can right next to the station. I mean Right. Fuckin. Next to it. To the point that the trashcan lid fell onto the pad where my arm is. I want to ask her to move it but she's in such a bad mood I think it'll just make things worse & she'll be even rougher. By day 3 I've tried antibac goo & it seems to make my skin bubble where its been applied so I quickly quit using that. My arm hurts so badly at this point I cant put it down without getting shooting pains up my arm. I let it dry out so things are crusty but at least I don't find them medically disturbing. Regardless, I spend a lot of this day crying. Day 4 I'm still researching infection and come across overworked tattoos, scars & "hamburgering" My heart pretty much drops bc this is it, this is what's going on. What's even more fucked up is that I find this on forums for people learning to tattoo. Like apprentice's first few tattoos having this problem. Rookie shit, ya hear?😑

The pictures are from day 5. You can see splitting along the black lines, there's holes in the sun & near her belt. Oh and that's a thing. The hole is the sun is bc somehow a drop of green got in there so she went over it and over it and over it again with more red. Can you imagine my frustration at that point?

So look, I got this done Saturday, here it is Friday. My skin is very shiny and puckery where the peeling has come off. The scabs are thick af, I've only been moisturizing the places safe to so as of today almost everything but the cactus. Did I mention my arm still really hurts? I can't straighten it, there's pains that shoot out from the center, and why why why is my bicep sore?! I'm really worried about how the cactus is going to turn out. My skin looks bumpy between the cracks of scab. I think she used a crappy cheap green. I'm really left wondering about her experience as a tattoo artist. I'm just saying: My first tattoo was done by a scratcher in a dirty apartment bedroom. He did such a shitty job that I took the machine from him & finished it myself. Might I mention I was 16 and completely coked out of my mind? Also, I didn't hamburger myself and there was no scarring over that disaster of a tattoo (which thankfully no longer exists thanks to the aforementioned painful whale)

This whole thing has fuckin sucked. I don't want anybody else dealing with this. Let me outline some things I should have done differently so if you find yourself in the same situation you can make better decisions than I did.

1. If you're looking on IG for an artist make sure they also post healed pics not just fresh ones.

2. If you're not vibing with your artist it's ok so call it off. Look, a 60$ deposit aint shit to lose in the grand scheme of things, can you get a cover up for 60$? How about bad work or a bad experience lasered off? You can't get those deals, oh who knew? Sometimes losing money is saving it.

3. Don't get shit from travelling artists. Maybe they woke up a 3am & drove 8 hours & now they don't give a shit about anything but going home.

4. If the shop doesn't look great, walk out. Again, whats 60$ compared to your health and happiness?

This is a long post & it's not something I usually post about (lol who am I kidding? Personal tragedies are kinda my thing). It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed how she came out, I'm embarrassed I didn't speak up, I'm embarrassed I didn't just go to the person I knew could give me a good tattoo. It wasn't even about money, I didn't get a deal on this pinup mess. All I can do is move on. Thank goodness this wasn't my first piece or I may have been totally turned off from getting anymore ink. Now all I can do is continue my aftercare, hope for the best and when the time comes I'll go visit Vinny at American Tradition and get something else on the backside of my arm to distract from this mess.

Much love my inked up friends❤

Hey and if this speaks to you like you've been in this situation or are currently in it, feel free to DM me.

[carreraleigh]

Dancing in the dark

A/N: This is a two-part story. In the first part me and @vienroose focused more on the romantic part of colt and mc. The second part is coming next week, and it will be VERY smut, so be prepared.

Pairing: Colt x MC (Ellie)

Book: Ride or Die

Summary: A few weeks after kaneko's death, colt and mc talk about their feelings and what they want for the future.

Recommended songs to read this story:

Tags: @zig-nazario @storiesofsass @rwanchoices @courtesan-of-garage @the-red-jhon @client-327 @umiumichan @lovehugsandcandy @acorisabsolutegodtier

——

Ellie looked at herself in the mirror while she was adjusting the skirt she had chosen for that night. She closed her eyes and sighed slowly, trying to calm her nerves. It wasn't the first time that she went on a date with Colt, or the last one, but it was the first time they could really be together without worrying about anything else, without plans, without secrets, just the two of them. Everything felt unreal, like a dream, they'd fought so hard to get there and after all, they'd achieved it. Having solved everything and stopped running, in one way or another, the two would've had to sit down and talk about what they wanted for the future, because within the race many promises can be made, but you never know until you are close and you have to cross the finish line. Ellie knew that today was that night, and she was sure of what she felt, but why was it so hard to say those words out loud?

"Hey," Ximena entered the room "¿Are you okay?" She approached Ellie slowly, with a big smile on her face "Colt has been waiting for a while."

"Yes," she sighed, turned around and looked at Ximena "I just needed some time to think."

"Oh beautiful." Ximena got closer and hugged her "You'll see that everything will be fine, don't worry." Ellie smiled as they broke the hug "It's your moment, go get your man, I know how much you fought to be with him."

"You're right, Ximena. This is going to be my night."

--

Colt and Ellie went fast down the street, she loved the adrenaline she felt every time she rode on that motorcycle: she felt free, invincible, as if she could eat the world in one bite, and being there with Colt made her feel like the most powerful woman in the world.

"¿Where are we going?" she asked, raising her voice a little so that he would listen.

"I told you it's a surprise, Ellie." he answered without taking his eyes off the street "If I told you, it wouldn' be a surprise anymore."

"You always have to play the mysterious one, ¿don't you?" she laid her head on his back "If you want my attention being mysterious, well, I'm sorry to tell you that you don't need to do that anymore."

"Oh, I know." she heard a small laugh "Your persuasion will not work with me."

"Oh yeah?" she replied "I think we'll have to prove that."

"You know I'm always ready for big challenges." he said.

After riding for a few more minutes, Colt turned onto a path that led into the woods. Ellie looked around, the trees were tall and thick, hundreds of them around, and made her feel small among so much nature.

She opened her mouth to speak, but a particular sound caught her attention, she heard it in the distance, but she could still recognize from which direction that strange sound came, she could swear it was a waterfall. The closer they got, the clearer it became, and her eyes widened in surprise as Colt slowed down the motorcycle.

"Well, here we are, welcome to my little escape." she took off her helmet and couldn't help but smile at the wonder that was in front of her eyes. A small wooden house, freshly painted and with freshly cut grass, in the distance she could see the waterfall that she heard before. Ellie looked at Colt, surprised.

"I never thought you were a man for cliché places like this one. I mean, the typical brown wooden house, with flowers in front, is yours?" she asked.

"Actually, this place has a certain history." he got off the motorcycle "But it's something I'd like to talk about later." he extended his hand "Come on".

Ellis took his hand, and the two entered the house that looked like it was taken out of a fairy tale. The interior had surprised her even more, there was a chimney with the fire on and it seemed to be new, the house was very well maintained, as if someone had been there all the time. In front of the chimney was a table, two wooden chairs and two plates, next to two glasses of wine. Still holding her hands, Colt guided Ellis to the table, took her chair out and helped her sit down. Colt went to the kitchen, turned on the lights and started searching something in the refrigerator.

"Well, I must admit that when you told me 'we were going out', I didn't have this in mind."

Colt looked at her from the kitchen while he took something wrapped from the refrigerator.

"I thought we were going to a bar, or a club." she said.

"¿Would you prefer to go to a bar?" He sat in front of her and placed the wrapped dish in front of her.

"No, I like this." she smiled as Colt unwrapped the plate. She had never seen him smile like that before, and she knew that it was happiness, because she was feeling it too.

"Well, I hope you like it." Ellie looked at the food that was placed in front of her and laughed.

"God Colt, really?" he laughed with her "¿Hamburgers?".

"Not just any burger, it's the Holly Bar burger, so no, it's not just a hamburger." he put a hamburger on Ellie's plate "Also, I know you love them as much as I do."

"You know we could have gone to the bar and eaten there, right?" She said as she took the wine glass closer to what was in front of her.

"Yes, I know." he answered "But I wanted this moment to be more... intimate. Just for the two of us." He smiled and Ellie saw the brightness growing on Colt's eyes.

"¿Did you really think that wine and hamburgers would be a good combination?" she put the cup back in its place "¿Who did all this anyway?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, who did all this?" indignation in his voice. Ellie held her gaze, now with her two eyebrows raised, Colt sighed.

"Well, maybe, just maybe, I pay someone." Colt took his hamburger with his hands and took a bite "You should try it." he said between bites.

Ellie took the hamburger in her hand and took a bite, millions of flavors exploded in her mouth, the juicy meat, the cheese, and the delicious barbecue sauce that had become her and Colt's favourite ever since they went to eat at the Holly Bar for the first time.

"The glass is just an elegant touch, I suppose. I brought Coca-Cola." he said "But if you want wine, we can have that instead of-"

Ellie put a hand on Colt's arm "This is perfect, Colt."

Colt smiled and they both began to eat their hamburgers patiently, never stopping to look at each other.

Some time later Ellie was sitting on the stairs at the entrance of the house and she heard the door open. Colt sat next to her and hugged her from behind. The two were silent for a moment, maybe trying to find the right words for the occasion, when he finally broke the silence.

"I won it." he said, taking a glass of coke to his mouth.

"¿What?" Ellie asked, confused.

"The house, I won it." Colt looked at her with a smile "In fact, it was in a race a few years ago, some men, much older than me had challenged me to a race against them." he continued as he offered him the glass to Ellie, she accepted "They thought I was too young to compete against them."

"Of course Colt Kaneko had to compete, because he had to prove that he was better than them." she laughed.

"And hell I was." the two laughed together, he kept talking "It was three years ago, if I remember correctly and since I've won it, I usually come here to clear my mind." he looked at the horizon, as if he was immersed in his own thoughts.

"It must be an important place for you then, a place where you can relax and have some peace." Elliie said.

Colt looked at her and their eyes met. He looked different in the moonlight, his eyes shone with more intensity and his skin looked softer than usual. He took Ellie's hand and squeezed it slowly, without ever taking his eyes off her.

"I wanted to share this place with you a while ago, but between everything that happened and how we lived running and escaping from everything, no moment seemed appropriate."

"I understand." Ellie laid her head on Colt's arm "Anyway, it was the best decision, we can enjoy this now." the two were silent again for another short while, but it was not one of those uncomfortable silences, it was a calm silence, filled with relaxation. Ellie kept thinking about the words she wanted to say, she was finally brave enough to tell him everything she had stuck in the heart for days. She took a breath and raised his head.

"Colt-"

"Ellie-"

The two said their names at the same time and looked at each other for some time, then laughed.

"God, this is a mess." Colt laughed for a second and then looked back at her "Would you like to talk first?".

Undoubtedly she had many things to say, many. She wanted to tell him everything she had in her heart, she wanted to tell him about the first time she had felt something for him, she wanted to tell him about the fear she had of losing him all the time, she wanted to tell him how happy she was at that moment, with him, but she kept quiet that moment. She wanted to tell him everything, but she preferred to listen to him first.

"No, I'm listening." she said.

Colt seemed to think for a second, as if his answer had taken him by surprise, he smiled.

"Where to start." he cleared his throat "Everything happened so fast, one day I was meeting you and the next day you were part of the crew, one of us, and part of my life" he sighed and then continued "I thought that I had you totally figured out the first time I saw you. You were one more girl in a bad place and with bad people, and when I saw you with Logan, I just thought 'What's a girl like her doing with a guy like him, in a place like this?', I don't want you to misunderstand, it's not that you have not been enough to look out for yourself." he sighed again, and Ellie put a hand on his leg as a support "You seemed too good for a world like this, and I was right, you're still too good for this world, the truth is that I don't even know why you're even here, after everything you had to go through. The only thing I know is that I don't want you to leave." he raised a hand to Ellie's cheek "And you're worth it all, you know, because you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. This is what I admire most of you, one of the reasons why I fell for you. All seems like a dream because I never thought to tell anyone this." he was quiet for a moment "After my father died-" he looked away, Ellie put a hand on his leg.

"We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to." she said.

"No." he looked at her like he was about to cry "After the death of my pop, I thought I lost everything, and I had lost it. I felt lonely for days, with nothing to fight for, and in all the disaster I remembered that I still had one thing to fight for, you." he take Ellie's hand "My pop may not be here anymore, and I'll miss him every day of my life, but that's not a reason why I have to turn my back on what's in front of me."

"Colt..." she said as she stroked his cheek.

"I don't know if this is what you expected to hear tonight, but I see you at my side, Ellie. I see myself ruling the angels with you, side by side, together, fighting against everything, like king and queen. And I know I can protect you and give you everything you deserve, if you want to accept me. I recommend you not to, or I would think you're crazy." he laughed and looked back at the horizon "I know this is not getting anywhere but-"

"Colt." Ellie interrupted him by putting a hand in his mouth "Colt." said his name again, and his eyes connected "I will be there every step of the way. If you want to take revenge, we will do it together. If you want to drive and never come back, we will do it together. Nothing would make me happier than being by your side, always." and all she wanted to say, had been summed up in those words.

Colt put a hand on her neck and pressed his lips against her, the two of them wrapped themselves in a passionate kiss that seemed to last for hours. And they would have kept going, if they didn't have to separate to get some air.

"¿That means we're together? ¿Officially?" Colt asked as he watched her intently.

"I suppose." she said, trying to recover the air "¿Or have you already regretted your decision?"

"Never." he said.

They kissed again, this time much more passionately. Ellie wrapped her arms around Colt and he took her by the waist. Colt began to slowly kiss her neck, causing Ellie to make low moans, as he pressed harder against her. After that he began kissing her shoulders, her collarbone, until he connected his eyes with Ellie's again.

"¿Why did you stop?" she asked, laughing.

"¿You want to?... you know." he looked at her expectantly, but he didn't say any other word.

"Colt," she said as she kissed him again and again "I want you."

Suddenly a smile that Ellie had never seen formed on Colt's lips, yes, she had seen his smile several times, but there was also something dark in it for the first time.

Ellie sat on Colt's lap, the two of them facing each other as they continued to kiss passionately. Colt had his hands on her waist, kissing her neck and everywhere, he lowered his hands until she felt him over the skirt she was wearing, that skirt that only gave him thoughts he was trying to satisfy ever since he'd seen her coming down the stairs of the garage. He grabbed her butt and pulled her closer to him, as he continued to lower his kisses to her collarbone. Ellie had her arms wrapped around Colt and her vision was almost blurred because to the excitement she was feeling at that moment.

She had never felt that way with anyone, so energetic, so alive. She started to take off Colt's jacket while he kept kissing her all over her body, with both hands still on her back. Needing air, Colt looked into her eyes, his eyes were shining with desire, and he also seemed immersed in her same feeling of energy and excitement. A smile was reflected again on his face, that dark smile that somehow made her even more excited, then he whispered.

"We should continue this inside." He kissed her again and suddenly stood up abruptly, lifting her into his arms.

"Colt," she said laughing "You could hurt yourself." but he didn't seem to have heard her words, he kept looking at her with that smile as he walked towards the door, opened it with a bang, but then hesitated at the entrance.

"Colt," Ellie said "I'm sure." she kissed him back, and the two disappeared in the middle of the night.

[zoeygreensimblr]

Stay Beautiful (episode 15)

"Can I just have a tiny clue about the surprise" I beg Angus, Wednesday night after the gym, sitting in his office of blandness.

"How are your Essay's coming, there will be no surprise if you haven't finished them" He asks me, I swear he's worse than Don and Mr Landgaarb put together

"I've finished my Simlish one" I explain, hoping that will win him over and he will give me a clue

"And History? Zoey, we had a deal remember?"  He reminds me

"I'll start it Sunday, it will be done by this time next week." I promise him

"And you have to leave time to do a practice test or two, I want you to be well prepared when you take your final exams" He harps on

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, practice tests, got it. Clue please?" I think I'd sell my soul at this point just to know what the surprise is.

"I'll give you two clues" He tells me and I get so excited I jump up from my seat and run up to him for a hug, "Wow, I haven't even told you the clues yet and you're all over me."

"Are you complaining?" I ask him joking

"Never" He says, kissing the top of my head, "Ok, clue 1, You will need swim wear because the climate is warm there will be a spa", I smile at him, I wore him down

"Is that one clue or three?" I ask, still confused about where we could be going

"That was one clue but I threw in some detail to tease you" He laughs, "Now clue two, we will be flying there".

"Ive never flown anywhere before" I tell him, getting more excited

"You're too cute baby" He laughs, "What do you want to do tonight anyway?" He asks me and I just stare at him, suggestively, he just laughs and asks "What else do you want to do tonight Zoey? We could go for dinner or see a movie?"

"Don't you have to work early tomorrow?" I ask

"I have Thursdays off" He informs me, how did I not know this? Maybe it's never come up before because I'm  usually at school every Thursday.

"I'd like to go out for dinner" I tell him, "But nowhere fancy, just somewhere casual coz I only packed casual clothes" I add

"So burgers and fries is what she desires tonight?" He asks, laughing, "You're determined to make me fat" He says, shaking his head

"I'd still love you if you're fat Angus" I promise, he grabs my hand and places it under his shirt so I can feel his washboard abs

"Say goodbye Zoey" He knows me too well

"Fine, salad it is" I laugh with him.

Angus held my hand as we walked from his office to the desk at the front. Annabelle had returned to work today but still looked unwell. We stop to farewell her on our way out and I remember I had knitted her a scarf, I pull it out of my bag and drape it around her neck.

"Oh Zoey, it's beautiful, thank you" She says, giving me a hug

"It's nothing Annabelle, I was thinking about you all last week and thought it would keep you warm at work" I explain, "If that's ok with the boss of course? I know it's not uniform but I didn't like the thought of Annabelle getting more sick overtime the door opens and lets those cold, windy gushes in" I probably should have cleared it with Angus first

"It's fine Zoey, It does look beautiful too. I'm more concerned about when you found the time in your schedule to knit a scarf?" He frets and I squeeze his hand

"It really didn't take that long" I assure him, "Knitting is how I destress and writing that essay stressed me out a lot"

"I'm sorry Zoey, I didn't mean to make you feel bad about it, you destress how ever you need to, I remember it being a stressful period" He pulls me in close to him, I know he means well, he just doesn't want me to fail.

"You remember year 12 Angus?" Annabelle laughs at him

"I remember fucking it up and having my arse handed to me by Landgaarb and then again by Imogen" He says seriously, "I don't want that for Zoey"

"Zoey is nothing like you were Gus" Annabelle tries to rationalise with him and I hug him tightly

"I know she's not, I just worry, you both know that" He resolves

It's interesting seeing Angus and Annabelle talk about the past that I was never part of and for me it's so hard to imagine Angus doing anything that would warrant getting expelled in his final year, the Angus I know is always in control and structured.

On the walk home, when it's just us I feel that it's the best time to ask him more about why he was expelled, I know it's a sensitive subject and i'm hoping he trusts me enough to open up.

"How close where you to completing before Mr Landgaarb kicked you out" I ask in a small voice. He stops walking and turns to looks at me, it's dark but I can still see his facial features in the streetlights, like he's tormented by the memories.

"It was about this time, we had just started term 3, I had spent all my holidays working on 3 assignments I had and Steph was so pissed off because I hadn't spent any time with her over Winter break. Steph was always angry at me about something so that was nothing new. I was in the top 2 of my year too but I wasn't a good kid, I'd get into fights and mouth off" He explains and it breaks my heart to hear that he was so close to finishing and it was taken away.

"Was it because you got into a fight?" I ask him, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"I need a haircut, I should probably do that before we go away" He says, changing the subject and I decide to let it go.

"I love you Angus, you're perfect to me" I give him a confidence boost

"Starving is what I am baby, I'm tempted to get street food although I've heard bad things about the Pufferfish, that if it's not cooked right you can die" he grabs my hand and walks us to where the food stalls are, "You wanted casual" he reminds me.

We order hamburgers from one of the stalls and wait for our food, I snuggle into Angus to keep warm.

"I'm not going to tell you why I was kicked out, you have this image of who you think I am and I don't want to destroy that image. I love you Zoey but I want you to understand that this is the one thing I will never tell you. I'm not proud of what happened and if I could change it I would." He has that pained look on his face again.

"I understand, I won't ask again, it's in the past" I reassure him

We eat our burgers in front of the fire, the crackling flames create the perfect romantic aura.

"Did you like the burger?" Angus enquires

"It was so juicy, I loved it, have you had street food from there before?" I ask, knowing if he did it wouldn't be often given his aversion to carbs.

"Never, you're just a bad influence Amelia, making me fall off the wagon" He laughs

"I have a way for you to work it off" I suggest

"Where?" He asks

"Where what?" I reply, confused

"Where do you suggest we work it off, keeping in mind you can't pick any location we've done it in before, those are the new rules" He challenges me, "That rules out here in the lounge room, my bedroom and the laundry, oh and Immie's room coz thats just a world of creepy"

"We didn't really have...sex, in the laundry though" I remind him.

"You came on the washing machine Zoey, I'm counting it" He gives me that cheeky smile. Think Zoey, you can be creative

"The kitchen?" I decide, based on nothing more than that it's close to the lounge room where we are sitting and anywhere downstairs will be too cold.

"I want you to go into the kitchen, take your clothes off and bend over the island bench and wait for me" He orders me and I obey

I don't hear him walk up behind me but I feel him run his hand up my inner thigh and slip his fingers inside me

"Thats my good girl, always so wet" He praises me, moving his fingers to my clit and my breathing starts to quicken, "Are you ready baby"

"Where are you putting it" I ask, suddenly aware we never discussed trying anal and I'm not ready to be that experimental

"Same place I always go" He assures me and i feel him slide in, he settles in and starts penetrating, I instinctively push back so he can go in deeper, he spanks me hard enough to send the electric volts through my body and I can't help but let out a loud "fuck" which just spurs him on, his hand leaves my ass and slowly makes it way to my left breast, he cups it and squeezes my nipple, it's enough to send me over the edge, I collapse on the bench and feel Angus have his own climax seconds after mine.

"Sorry baby, that was over before it started but the bench was great choice" I feel him-up out of me and I still can't move, that was absolutely satisfying  and I'm spent. I slowly peel myself off the bench. I have no idea where Angus has disappeared to until I hear the bath water running, I make my way downstairs, naked and cold and find him in the bathroom, he wraps a fluffy dressing gown around me and I wait for the bath to fill up so I can put the spa on.

"Fuck that was good Zoey" He says, kissing me deeply on the lips.

"I think that was my favourite so far" I inform him and he laughs

"Theres plenty more to come, maybe even tonight" He tells me, "Just for future reference though, I would always tell you before I go up your arse, no surprise attacks I promise."

He climbs in to the bath and holds out his hand for me to follow him in, we find a corner and stretch-out, me between his legs.

"Have you done that before? Anal?" I ask curiously

"Yes and I wouldn't force it on you. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you Zoey" He nuzzles into my neck

"I don't think it's for me" I tell him

"I'm perfectly ok with that Princess, I'm satisfied with what we are doing now" He reassures me, "Can I make one suggestion though?" He asks and my heart start racing, I'm not doing this right, I should be putting in more effort

"What is it?" I ask, expecting the worst

"I want you to go on the pill, we can use it as a back up method if you want to but I would feel a little bit of relief knowing we're not going to have any accidents." He suggests

"I think thats a good idea, Tess is on the pill, she goes to our doctor in Brindleton Bay but I can't ask her to come with me, she will ask too many questions" I tell him

"Zoey I will go with you" He offers, "Otherwise if you go alone you will antibiotics for the flu all because you can't say the word sex" He jokes and I splash him, he knows me all too well.

"Can we go tomorrow?" I ask

"We can go tonight if you want? There's a late night clinic just up the road, it's designed for people who need to see a doctor but not for anything serious outside of business hours and the doctors there are good too." He explains

"Is that where you go?"I ask him

"Yeah, when I need to, I do get sick sometimes." He tells me, "Do you want to go tonight or wait until tomorrow" He asks me

"Go tonight" I reply, "The doctor isn't going to poke me with anything right?" Ive seen way too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy at this point where people go in for simple health issues and the Doctors end up putting a tube down their throat or sticking a giant needle in them. Angus starts laughing at my completely rational fear.

"They're not going to poke you with anything" he says trying to keep a straight face, "I am, but they won't" He gives me that cheeky smile

The clinic is a small space placed between two giant retail stores. Theres 1 other person waiting when we arrive, we check in at the desk and the receptionist hands me a form to fill out, questions about previous medical history. Our wait is short and a female doctor calls my name and ushers me into a smaller office than the one Angus occupies at the gym but unlike his, this room is way more decorated.

"Hi Zoey, my name is Doctor Evans" She introduces herself, "what can I help you with tonight?"

My nerves kick in, I know what I'm here for but I can't say it, she's going to judge me and give me a lecture about how I should never of lost my virginity, Angus can see I'm struggling and takes me hand

"It's alright Zoey, you're in a safe place here, Dr Evans isn't going to make you feel bad" He comforts me, "Zoey is a highly anxious person, she finds it hard to talk about certain subjects, that's why I came in with her tonight" Angus explains to the doctor and I can see Dr Evans starting to understand what's going on

"Is this your boyfriend Zoey?" she asks me and I nod yes, "And are you sexually active?" she continues

"Yes" I say shyly, preparing myself for the lecture

"Zoey there's nothing to feel ashamed of, a lot girls become sexually active around your age and it's natural. My only concern is that your protected and safe."She reassures me, "Have you been tested?" She enquires and I look at Angus, he promised no needles tonight

"Zoey was a virgin before we started having sex, we use condoms every time too" Angus answers for me, Dr Evans turns her attention from me to Angus

"And when were you last tested for STIs?" she questions him

"After my last sexual encounter, I'm clean" He replies and I sit there thinking that these should have been questions I asked him before jumping into anything, I didn't even consider it. Dr Evans turns her attention back to me.

"Zoey would you like me to prescribe the pill for you?" She asks me in her concerned doctor voice.

"Yes please" I reply, my own voice is soft and shy

"I can do that tonight, I'm going to also prescribe a low dose of anti anxiety medication too" She tells me, "The pill must be taken at or around the same time every day for it to be effective and it can take up to 7 days for it to become effective so please keep using your back up form of contraception. Also I must warn you that antibiotics can make the pill ineffective so be aware of that if you are prescribed antibiotics at any stage" She says as she types and prints out two prescriptions, "Also Zoey, don't ever feel ashamed to talk to a medical professional about being sexually active, we are here to help you, never judge you" She smiles warmly at me

"Thank you Dr Evans" I say. We leave the clinic and find a late night chemist near by, I put my prescriptions in with the pharmacist and we sit and wait, Angus takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze.

"Proud of you Princess" He says

"I really didn't do anything, you did all of the talking, my nerves just took over" I'm ashamed that I couldn't speak up

"Zoey it's all good, I know you have anxiety and thats why I went with you tonight and maybe the medication for anxiety will help keep the nerves away." He comforts me

"I should have ask you that question before we did anything" my mind is going into overthinking mode

"I would of told you if you had anything to worry about, I knew I was clean and yeah, maybe we should of had that conversation, that falls on me more than you not asking, I didn't think about it honestly because I knew you were clean" He reassures me, "You're safe with me Zo, always", I feel it too.

We walk back to the apartment, past the food stalls that are packing up for the night.

"Do you want a cupcake Princess?" He asks me

"You ask me like you don't already know the answer will always be yes" I laugh

He orders 2 red velvet cupcakes and we eat them in front of the fire.

"I feel bad for Joanna" I randomly blurt out

"Why, she earns $165 a day here, I think she's not doing too bad" He laughs

"Yeah but what do you think she thinks now that she has to empty your trash bin after we've, you know?" It's only just dawned on me now that, apart from Dr Evans, Joanna would be the only other person to know Angus and I are sleeping together and I've never even met her.

"Zoey I don't give a shit what she thinks, I'm an adult" He tells me, "You worry too much about what other people think" He states the obvious. I see his point though, it's no ones business what we are doing and it's not shameful either

"I'm going to tell Tess next time I see her" I announce

"Only if you're sure? I can be there with you if you want me to be?" He's asks knowing I may need support

"Thank you, I appreciate it but I think it's best I do this alone, Tess has been my whole world for so long and now she shares it with you, I love you both but I don't want to make her feel like it's now you and me and she's been pushed out. I need sister time." I explain and then a panic sets in, I don't want Angus to feel I''m pushing him out either, "Is that OK?" I ask

"Of course thats OK Zo, you never have to feel like you're choosing Tess over me, she's your sister and your best friend" He says, kissing my head