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venelona · 3 years ago

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So, Franstober’s over

I did it aaaa I still can’t believe it XD Initial plan was to have most of it as sketches because I didn’t think I’d have enough drawing juices to draw complete pieces for a month... but then I just. Forgot that LOL

Again, huge thanks to @uhhbananafrappe for the prompts and so many new ideas 💗💕✨ if you can drop by her blog and her kofi page, so much amazing stuff that’s been inspiring me for more than 5 years

So yeah after month of non-stop drawing I’ll most probably take a break XD I put on hold every project I was in the middle of to do franstober and I’d like to get back to them, even tho all of them are sacred secrets I can’t post

But there’s a second reason for this post... my birthday is soon!

Yeah 4th of November is my Birthday and I have a tiny wish

Please give me feedback for my art

It comes and goes for a few months now, but sometimes I feel very discouraged/sad from lack of concrete feedback on my drawings. I do a picture that I think is the best picture I’ve ever done and get zero comments, or I try something new, something so different that if I incorporate it into my art it will change it fundamentally, and get nothin’.

Don’t misunderstand me, getting general compliments is very flattering, and I appreciate each and every one, as well each and every one person who leaves them!! The thing is- I really want to improve my art, and without help of other’s I’ll just be moving in circles for a long time.

So, no need to write be happy birthday wishes on my big day. Here’s my wish -

please send me which of my drawing/doodles/comics/gifts is your favorite, and why

in the comments, in the inbox, just in dms - the ‘why’ part can be anything - the way i lined it, the coloring, the lighting, the way I drew a neck or colored an eye, or it was a fanart for something you love, or even for you- maybe its the feelings conveyed, or, if its a comic, maybe its the way frames are structured or just a story-

and don’t come saying ‘all of your art’. this will make me feel sadder for reasons i can’t quite express myself. please please please just pick one

Though I’d appreciate if you actually picked two! Bonus points if you pick from my overall art, and then from latest Franstober art! It contains more of the stand alone pieces, as well as a lot of experiments. I’d be very happy to hear which franstober piece people liked the best, and it would also help me a ton!

(I’ll link all my franstober drawings below the cut)

So yeah. My inbox is open, my dm’s are open, my little box is waiting and I’d really appreciate your comments, more than you know 💕 Lots of people will probably think less of me now, demanding attention, but... It’s for my birthday, let me be petty for my birthday!!! and i’ll take curing my sadness and improving my art over being looked down upon

Thank you for reading this monologue haha. Here’s All my franstober 2021:

i posted this before making list on accident bear with me

Day 1 - Nest - Songfell (by ikustioa / songfell-ut )

Day 2 - Bonds - Error Sans x Frisk

Day 3 - Secret - Taboo love (inspired by yoralim)

Day 4 - Tired - Horrortale (Horror and his dogs)

Day 5 - Private - Storyfell

Day 6 - Public - Reapertale

Day 7 - Ride - Underfell (Based on my Bad To The Bone comic)

Day 8 - Blind - Dancefell

Day 9 - Experiment - Underlab (by sharkowskii)

Day 10 - Chase - Outertale

Day 11 - Soft - Overtale (version by nuvex)

Day 12 - Seed - Parasitetale (by bloowe-blu)

Day 13 - Color - Fresh Sans x Fresh Frisk

Day 14 - Hate - Dusttale

Day 15 - Love - Flowerfell

Day 16 - Money - Mermaid (Aqua by uhhbananafrappe) Sans x Frisk

Day 17 - Hangover - Swapfell

Day 18 - Jealous - Kingdom of the Crystal Sky (by kodizzzle)

Day 19 - Video - Undergate (by saturnbela)

Day 20 - Warp - Nightmare Sans x Frisk

Day 21 - Riddle - Underswap

Day 22 - Punishment - Lockfell (by me/ lockfell)

Day 23 - Reward - Dancetale

Day 24 - Collar - Underfell

Day 25 - Quiet - Aftertale (by loverofpiggies)

Day 26 - Stay - Lamia (Cobalt by uhhbananafrappe) Sans x Frisk

Day 27 - Steel - Undertale

Day 28 - Regret - Mage Blue x Frisk (based on my Mage Blue comic)

Day 29 - Tease - Mafiatale

Day 30 - Broken - Check & Mate (by me/ undertale-check-and-mate)

Day 31 - Caged - Undertale

#v rambles #venelona #sona #self insert #frans #franstober #birthday #i fixed it

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hermitreunited · 5 years ago

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TUA Feedback Fest!

💜💜 Favorite Fic Writer 💜💜

I could have split these all up to go under various rec theme posts, and maybe I will, but the gosh darn truth of it is that I love every fic by @sunriseseance aka Oceansweather so dang much that I needed to make a post about all of it. A very detailed post. It’s long, but she and her work deserve it. <3

A Hard Rain’s A Gonna Fall

Summary: In 1963, most citizens of Dallas had no idea where Vietnam was. He knew that because none of the people he passes as he walks look particularly dead inside. The sidewalk scorches his feet even though the sun hangs low in the sky. The air is hot and wet and it feels like a jungle growing in his chest.

aka, A Fourth of July fic about Klaus, trauma, family, and history. Takes place in 1963.

Rating: NR⎜Pairing: Implied Klaus/Dave⎜Word Count: 4k+⎜Complete (1/1)

This is true for all of her fics - the writing style is so engaging and good and smart! This fic in particular, though - WOW the narration is incredible. Gets you very deep into Klaus’ headspace for a gripping, panicky experience. He’s dealing with the fallout of a traumatic event that is about to happen to most of the people around him. So complicated and sad and intricate!

He wants to warn her that, hey, in 6 years your little boyfriend is going to get drafted and he’s going to go to a country you couldn’t pick out on a map and he’s going to kill people who he shouldn’t kill and every week he’ll write you a letter promising you that when he gets back you’ll move out of the city and your baby will have a real forest to play in and then he’ll kill some more people he’ll go to hell for killing if there’s a hell to go to, and then, well, he’ll get shot in the chest and the blood will come out of his mouth, too, and you’ll have to know that you weren’t there, weren’t fast enough to hear his last words or offer him some last comfort and he’ll be dead and for what?

Happy Birthday, Johnny

Summary: It’s a nice place. Allison made sure of that when she chose it the first time. Three stays ago. God, they’re only 23 (And they are 23 now, or close enough). Three times? She may as well be lighting her money on fire.

Still, the chairs are comfortable. The visiting room is empty, of course, apart from a man with deep, heavy bags under his eyes. Fluorescent lights hum above her as she waits. They wash everything out, cast everything in a harsh shadow. Not that anything about the experience isn’t harsh. This is stupid. She knows it, now, as she feels her heart beating in her throat and the backs of her legs and her fingers.

What if he doesn’t want to see her? What if he was asleep for, what, the first time in 13 days? That’s how long it’s been this time, right? What if he hates her? (What if he’s right to do so?)

Rating: NR⎜Pairing: Gen⎜Word Count: 3k+⎜Complete (1/1)

Get ready for your heart to break from the Allison and Klaus feelings (and hold onto them, because she’s going to do this again, Allison and Klaus feelings is her brand). Being Hargreeves siblings is complicated, so so complicated, especially for these two, whose circumstances could not be more different, but when it comes down to it, they are quite similar. It’s pre-series, so it’s Sad, but boy is it ever a detailed look into these two excellent characters.

On their 13th birthday, before everything went wrong, Klaus snuck into her room at midnight with a magazine he stole and a cake he made. The smell of smoke stuck to all of his clothes, his skin, his hair. He gave her the cake, all of it, and the magazine. The smile that accompanied them haunts her.

He asked if he could sit with her, and she said yes. He asked if she’d ever smoked before, and she said no. He asked if she wanted to, and she said yes. He asked if she wanted weed or a cigarette, she said cigarette. That’s what the movie stars did. He gave her a look, a laugh, and showed her how to hold it so it didn’t burn her fingers. Not that he’d lit it yet. He wanted to make sure she had it down before he set her on fire.

Slow is in My Blood

Summary: Dave touches him, sometimes. In dances through root systems lit by a diffused moon, Dave puts a hand on his lower back, his arm, his shoulder. To help, he says. Your balance, he says, it isn’t good. I don’t want you to fall. These pits are endless, he says. You don’t like the dark. A touch to help. It helps.

aka, A meditation on Klaus and allowing himself to be loved. Dave doesn't die at the end.

Rating: NR⎜Pairing: Klaus/Dave⎜Word Count: 1k+⎜Complete (1/1)

I am biased, I suppose, because this fic was a gift to me. But like!!!! This fic!!! It’s sad and beautiful and lovely and so perfect. I can’t not think about Klaus and Dave’s relationship without thinking about the dynamic in this fic, about how Dave initiates and Klaus keeps himself from running away. It’s gorgeous.

Maybe it’s not one sided. Maybe he touches Dave on the back of his neck just to watch his skin react. Maybe he hopes the reaction comes from the touch itself, and not the chill Klaus carries with him. Maybe he lets the touch linger long enough for Dave to smack his hand away. Maybe he knows, somewhere, that smack is the wrong word. Dave doesn’t smack. He holds, and moves. He lacks a violence somewhere at his core. Maybe it’s the only way Klaus has something Dave lacks, and maybe it’s the only thing Klaus wouldn’t share if Dave asked.

I’ll Be Cleaning Up Bottles With You on New Year’s Day

Summary: Sitting behind him on the windowsill, in a truth that still feels false, is Dave. Quiet, right now. Rubbing Klaus's neck. Kissing it occasionally. New clothes, even, though still only things Klaus saw Dave wear in life. The closest he came to fancy enough for New Year's was the outfit he wore on the night they first kissed. The dates still get muddled in his head.

Dave still smells like Dave. Klaus can bring that back, too. The earthy-clean skin, the slight scent of sweat, the cotton of the polo. Something else, underneath all that. Something that Klaus could recognize anywhere, could follow to the end of the world, could die to protect.

Rating: NR⎜Pairing: Klaus/Dave⎜Word Count: 1k+⎜Complete (1/1)

OKAY Okay okay. This fic was the equivalent of a bottle of wine when I read it on New Year’s Eve, because it just took these 1092 words, and suddenly I was crying and telling my friends how much I loved them. Me talking about it here is not going to do justice to the warmth and love that you will feel from this. You just have to read it. If you want to experience a moment of perfect contentment and peace that will probably put happy tears in your eyes, read this.

His family is together. Really. They sit in the living room, wearing out couches that have lasted centuries. Allison spills her champagne. Luther only moved Klaus to the slightly-opened window when Klaus started smoking.

Diego's puzzle, which he insists isn't his, keeps finding more pieces. Five and Diego work on it together. He watches them work on it together. He watches Luther help, before getting up to change the record on father's phonograph.

Karma, Leave These Kids Alone

Summary: Klaus is right, because he usually is. Their childhood was worth fearing. But it wasn’t all bad, she thinks, and some guilt pangs her. I wouldn’t wish this on us, but I’m glad I got him out of it. I’m glad Claire is safe.

She holds out her hand for him, and he takes it.

aka, A meditation on Allison and her traumas, guilts, fears, and loves. Centered around her and Klaus, their love for one another, and how that changes her love and fear for Claire.

Rating: NR⎜Pairing: Gen⎜Word Count: 2k+⎜Complete (1/1)

Allison and Klaus complicated feelings part deux! Now with added Claire feelings! The story centers around Allison’s fear of her daughter having powers, which I would read 100 fics about, and because it’s an Oceansweather fic, it doesn’t stop there. The Hargreeves are adults now who are trying to understand their childhood, and how they relate to each other. It’s complex and sad and it hurts but also it’s healing and growth and love.

He laughed that familiar laugh.

Why would she see the dead? Well, she has an imaginary friend like you used to. She has nightmares. Klaus, I am terrified for her. How did you know it was real? He was quiet, and then he said, well, I could see them. I always could. If she doesn’t see them, she doesn’t see the dead, right?

And Allison said yes. That makes sense. And then Klaus was quiet for a while longer, and then he gagged, and then he said, well, why are you terrified for her? She heard the venom in his voice.

Same As It Ever Was

Summary: He tries to love the heels. Really, he does. He knows Dave loves him in them. He knows, hey, it’s his job to look good. Right? Dave fixes cars and Klaus fixes dinner and cleans the house and looks oh so pretty. So, yes, he has to wear the heels. He doesn’t own any other shoes and he can’t go walking around barefoot. Not with his toenails painted black. Why were they black again? And, say, why did his wrist look so blank? He traced a shape that he couldn’t place onto his skin and waited for something to appear. Like invisible ink. aka, Life is perfect for the Hargreeves, which must mean something is wrong. How fortunate that Klaus is smarter than anyone gives him credit for.

Rating: NR⎜Pairing: Klaus/Dave, Diego/Eudora, Five/Delores⎜Word Count: 8k+⎜Complete (1/1)

This fic is so. freaking. cool. It’s closest probably to a horror story? It’s definitely creepy and uneasy, but it’s also melancholy and thrilling and - very importantly -it features Smart Capable Underestimated but Badass Klaus! I am willing to bet you have not read anything else in the fandom like this, and that you are going to be absolutely captivated. I know I am!

Klaus doesn’t want to see Dave, which is not a feeling he should have. He knows this. He knows he wants to see Dave every day for the rest of his life. So why is he running? Why are his feet carrying him to the bathroom? Why is he locking the door? The tumblers clang into place. His hands shake and he’s going to fall over and brain himself if he doesn’t catch his balance. He can only remember feeling so terrified twice in his life—except he can’t. He can’t remember it at all. So he can’t remember ever feeling this terrified.

It’s just Dave.

#tuafeedbackfest #long post #tua fic rec #also sunriseseance is a very good and lovely person with an great blog and excellent opinions #soooo probably you should go follow her and read and comment on all her fics?#and then when you are big a fan as me go send her some anons asking for the Allison wedding fic #because you are going to love that too #and anything else she writes!!

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mefukimeme-gonebithc · 8 years ago

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SWINGS OPEN DOOR FRANTICALLY AND POINTS AT ALL THE EMOJIS: do it

.........................oh boy

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

HMMM most of them id rather not talk about since theyre really personal/a lot of them arent really secrets since i have talked abt them but they can easily go unnoticed sooooo

im confessing to having a thing for gloves i guess??? specifically black cloth gloves (im not a fan of leather, feels Weird) so. ye.

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

All (in the end id probably be getting hugged tho haha im v awkward at hugging vs being hugged)

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

CARBINKS!!! anything that i deem cute is my favourite (ex. r/owlets, m/imikyus, bonus since theyre a dark/fairy >:3c!!, pum/pkaboo, etc)

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

donald trump would be dead and obama can stay president for another 4 years until the world gains potential candidates that arent shitty

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

I Dont Think I Want To Talk About It. ill just link the post. (btw thats my dream journal blog, i should use it more)

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i have multiple so hmm.....maybe the fact they put up with my gay bullshit

😘 talk about your crush or partner

gay. moving on.

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya betch

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

-hair

-singing

-cuteness factor

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

HMM im mainly scared of losing my friends and thatll take more than just mental training to move on, but uhh i DO have a mild fear of getting assaulted..........idk how to fix that bc its actually really bad paired up w paranoia

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

kuro kiryu. he can also easily make me cRY WHEN HES A FUCKING RANKING CARD.

💙 what annoys you about some people?

when they do stuff theyre not asked to do and complain like “oh my GOd [persons name] why cant you do this??? im so tired, i just wanna rest, but i HAVE to do this!!” like shut up no one asked you to do it, if youre so tired to rest first and then do it.

another irritating thing is people who use the term “special snowflake” unironically especially on kids who make edgy/mary sue ocs like shut up ugly let them grow up and regret their choices by themselves, dont teach them its okay to make fun of younger people for their edgy ocs

😤 do you get angry easily?

irritated??? ya, angry??? no

youd have to do some fucked shit to get me angry, but i do get irritated fast

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

I DONT THINK I CAN TALK ABOUT THEM HERE,,,

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

-education system

-change how the U.S. ignores the struggles of third world countries unless it profits them/benefits them

-solar energy

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

“GKL JGAE THE ODDBALLS”

kiss - wataru

befriend - rei

marry - natsume

kill - shu

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

SAN DIEGO!!! its got such a nice vibe, its never too hot there, NATURE!!! I LOVE THE SCENERY THERE EVEN IN THE CITY THERES TREES AND ITS SO NICE!! its just got such a nice vibe to it i havent felt anywhere else and its SO NICE!!

☕️ talk about your ideal day

ideal day, i get to be home alone, play both of AKATSUKI’s albums while talking and playing games with friends without worry ill be too loud to anyone else, i get good food, and i have a nice dream that i remember vividly

alternatively, visiting a bunch of greenhouses/nature filled areas would be Great

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

uhh im gonna go with ambivert/introvert leaning

💧 when was the last time you cried?

crying as in “i feel like Death”, literally a few hours ago because i remember the daikagura kuro.....

as in actually breaking down, yesterday was really bad grhgra

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

1. love letter of the brilliance of cherry blossoms

2. temptation magic

3. ryusei hanabi

4. hinakura to neji ama

5. the living ghost is alive

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

HMMM this is actually hard for me to pick bc ive had multiple kins where i had powers fuc UHHH

its really hard for me to pick just one, so i guess ill just list off top 5 and why

1. teleportation - i could teleport to my friends cities, also i could prob trick people into thinking im running when im just teleporting inch by inch/foot by foot >:3c

2. deceiving ability like kano - ,,,it seems pretty neat

3. the ability to cheer people up - ,,, it seems pre

4. shapeshifting/transformation - theres absolutely no consequences to being able to make myself taller.........

5. weapon/item creation - i could just make headphones instead of buying them AND i can ensure theyll last

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont worry about how youre being treated now, itll get better

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

ahh, its hard for me to be jealous uhh

in one aspect, i guess te/tora since hes so energetic and hes paired so often with ku/ro...im pretty jealous

in another aspect, j/acksep/ticeye or th/omas san/ders. id love to be able to make a difference to others like how they do, not to mention id love to be as energetic as them

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

bravery definitely. im fairly kind, i have enough brain power (OOOOO AIEOU JOO-) to get by, im fine with how cute i am >;3c, wealth is good but over bravery which im very much lacking in, id rather be brave so i could do so many things id love to do......

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

in a joking manner: my kink for intimidating characters. @ me chill

in a serious matter: probably the fact im awful at trying to cheer people up and i feel awful fornot even trying anymore

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i know english, im VERY limited in thai/lao/japanese, and i know next to nothing of spanish/german/french but i did take a few notes about them bc i was bored. i wanna learn thai/lao the most so i can connect with my culture more, but japanese would be nice since a lot of stuff i enjoy is japanese and i dont wanna hastle others to translate stuff for me haha

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

KURO KIRYU I LOVE HIM

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

a universe where im energetic, not lazy, and motivated to continue on in life and make the world just a tad bit better. and i live with my friends in a nice house in san diego!!

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

,,, i really dont know, and thats why im disappointed in myself

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

demon. theres so many types of demons i dont have to be malicious, plus i could blend in fairly well. theres no rly big downside except ill be frowned upon by other divines

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

someone: you hurt my boyfriend you take away his fp you pretty much fuck him over and you proceed to have gross/abusive kinks shut the fuck up ugly i hate you so much and i never even talked to you i never want to see you mention his url or name ever again youre so awful

something: school fucking sucks and i can bring up a lot of reasons for this. 1: some of the teachers hired are only hired to educate, so personality wise they could be oppressive towards their students. 2: while i do feel like having a core lesson plan is okay, FORCING kids into certain core subjects is bad and they end up not learning because they feel like they HAVE to be their best or else theyll fail, and thats awful. the grading system isnt completely awful, since it shows kids areas that need to be improved, but making it some life changing thing is just...bad...because at that point it goes from “well you need to improve in these areas, so why dont we offer you help so theyll be easier!!” to “GET BETTER AT THIS OR BE FOREVER UNEMPLOYED” and i hate it. i could rant about this.

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

ive just been.....depressed bc of low swing my dude. a big issue would be my entire “i want to do good but i suck” thing, and yesterday i had a really bad dream as stated earlier and it made me extremely anxious for the entire day until i finally talked to my friend about it. theres also the fact i have school but theres no way i can finish it now

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

vet, now im like...im unsure... i wanna get into architech/floor planning/house designing and also be sort of like a youtube/internet idol??? if that makes sense......idk

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

ice cream is one of the only ones i can tolerate haha- i LOVE mochi ice cream but i cant get them fresh here since theres no east asian centric stores here (only southeast/hispanic fusion stores) so rip... ia lso like cheesecake a fair bit

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

kur/o kiryu. or e/nstars in general i guess

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

my breathing gets a bit faster, my chest starts vaguely aching and i get nauseous

😪 what are you sick of?

THE COLD. ITS S O C O L D. PLEASE HELP.

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

nope, not really. i do awful at horror games, im terrified of roller coasters, and the thought of jumping out of a plane makes me wanna decay

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

sh/u it/suki is Bad. the y/oi fandom is made up 80% of really bad fuj/oshi who later hopped onto an extremely controversial manhwa. hea/thens wasnt too bad of a song. i still like mi/necraft/happy tr/ee friends. i like rh/ythm games but dont like rh/ythm heaven. mc/a wasnt awful. ut/apri as an anime isnt too bad but definitely doesnt match up to the games quality in both art and story telling. id/olm@st/er is a tad bit over rated. ens/tars should be localized to ENG.

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

haha nope

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

draw/VERY rarely sew/read tarot, which is what im supposed to be doing anyways

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

uhhh it was either te/mptation magic or love letter of the brilliance of cherry blossoms

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

how i cant cheer people up or help people be more positive. ir aelly dont know how i can improve it my dude, but im thinking.

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

usually bunnies, but if im feelin crafty ill doodle an anime char

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

age mostly

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

INTP, and idk its just there

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

“the battle: ra*bits” MMMMMMMMM nito. dgmw i love mits/uru and i loved how energetic he was + i liked mitsuru too but ni/to introduced me to ku/ro in my canon and he was very supporting of me/tried his best to help me

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont really have a CELEBRITY celebrity fave but itd def be t/homas sanders internet wise

🐴 opinion on __?

“holds up kiibo”

a good boi. i trust him

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

ehh its actually really hard for me to become emotionally unless im deeply attached to something sooo not really

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

ghost girl, maximum ride, and cr*zy

i dont remember any quotes from the first and last books BUT “WE’RE LIKE FREAKIN BALLERINAS AND YOU ARE LIKE A FRIDGE WITH WINGS” will always be my fave

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

listen to music, isolate myself justtt a tad bit, and try to distract myself. it helps to a certain extent, but it wont save my ass

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

k/uro ki

🌍 which country do you live in?

america

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

a fucking asshole

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“you think youre ugly but youre just not your type” -some tumblr post i cant find atm

💭 do you keep a diary?

i keep a dream journal, but i stopped keeping diaries because im wayyy too paranoid someones gonna snoop

💫 who inspires you?

HMMMM chi/aki morisawa, tho/mas sanders, and j/acksepticeye

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

ye, theres no proof that they DONT exist (although you could argue theres also no evidence that they DO exist), PLUS i have had some experiences with ghosts! also itd be fuckin....awkward if id idnt considering i wanna get into s/pirit work

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

ko/toko ut/sugi is the only way i could describe it. kinda gothic-punk??? i used to be into yum/ekawaii and fa/iry kei but i ended up falling out of them.

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

MMM ri/se of the gua/rdians was pretty good, zo/otopia was also good...the book of life was really good and i wanna watch it again now ahhh

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

idonthaveonemymemorypastsixmonthsisgoneandmychildhoodwasfilledwithmebeinginsulted UHH one time in 6th grade i dated a dude and he gave me a teddybear/candy for valentines day and it was really nice, i felt bad since i didnt get him anything and i feel bad for not even breaking up with him to his face

🐱 what’s your dream pet like?

bunny. thats all

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be?

KURO KI

#long post #VERY Long post #raai.txt #god damn it kennith #kokichinchin

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marketingadvisorvietnam · 6 years ago

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After Hell and Hollywood, Nick Ut basks in peace

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After Hell and Hollywood, Nick Ut basks in peace

‘Napalm Girl’ lensman opens up. ‘I think I might have killed myself if I’d not saved Kim Phuc that day.’

He’s shot celebrities galore, U.S. presidents and Hollywood stars included, but it is the “Napalm girl” that is Nick Ut’s primary legacy, his powerful contribution to ending one of the most violent, tragic conflicts this world has ever seen – the Vietnam War.

While he’s done, and is still engaged in many projects, Nick Ut knows no conversation with him can exclude or ignore his most eminent work, one that won him the Pulitzer Prize and assured him of an immortal place in history.

With characteristic good humor and patience, he answers every question about the “Napalm girl”, an image that proved like no other the adage about a picture being worth a thousand words.

The Pulitzer-winning “Napalm Girl”, 1972. From left, the children are Phan Thanh Tam, who lost an eye, younger brother of Kim Phuc, Phan Thanh Phuoc, youngest brother of Kim Phuc, Kim Phuc, and Phuc’s cousins Ho Van Bon and Ho Thi Tinh. Photo courtesy of AP/ Nick Ut

When Nick Ut shot the most famous photograph of the Vietnam War and one of the most famous photographs of the 20th century, he was just 21.

The image of a terrified, burnt, naked 9-year-old girl fleeing a napalm bomb attack brought home the horrors of war more vividly than anything that had been said, written or shown until then. It put the U.S. military on the defensive and added fuel to protests for peace.

But, says Nick Ut, it was almost not taken.

“I almost did not have that photo, because I was thinking of going home. In early August, 1972, there was intense fighting in Trang Bang (about 25 miles northwest of Saigon).

“Then, when I heard my friends say that the fighting had lasted for a few days, I went to Trang Bang early morning of June 8, 1972.”

He saw thousands of people fleeing the town with their children and cattle.

“I followed the Republic of Vietnam soldiers into a nearby forest, then went to National Highway 1 and heard two planes coming. I saw one drop a bomb that shook the whole town, and just two minutes after another one flew over and released four napalm bombs.”

Nick Ut tried to calm himself, hoping that everyone in the town had escaped, only to see a group of children dashing out of the black smoke.

In the following seconds, history was written afresh, and perhaps the picture of the century was born. It seared consciences across the world, particularly in the United States and drove home the point that it was fighting a war it had already lost.

In 1973, Nick Ut was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his photograph, and the same year, the U.S. withdrew its troops from Vietnam.

Should we or shouldn’t we

In the AP newsroom, there was serious consideration and discussion on whether the photo should be published because the “Napalm girl” Kim Phuc was completely naked.

“It was the AP director of photography who allowed the publication and without any alteration, like adding clothes to Kim Phuc. Without him, it would never have been published,” Nick Ut told VnExpress International.

Outside the newsroom, people debated, and are still debating where the line should be drawn. Is it appropriate to capture suffering without helping the sufferer?

But Nick Ut did help, not just Kim Phuc, but all her siblings and cousins in the picture.

After quickly snapping their frantic escape from the smoke, Nick Ut placed his camera on Highway 1 and ran to Kim Phuc. He poured water on her back. Her clothes had been completely burnt by napalm.

“She kept screaming ‘too hot, too hot,’ and repeatedly moaning to her brother, ‘brother, I’m going to die.’”

Nick Ut got all the children into a car and took them to a nearby hospital.

“Kim Phuc couldn’t sit on a chair because her back was burning and hurting so she sat on the floor of the car. She kept calling out to her brother, Tam. ‘Tam, I’m going to die.’”

When they arrived at the hospital, the doctors refused to admit them, saying they were not equipped to treat the kids and the third-degree burns covering 30 percent of Kim Phuc’s body; and advised Nick Ut to take her to a bigger hospital.

“I thought to myself, if we leave, she would die. Suddenly I remembered that I had a journalist’s card, so I pulled it out and said ‘I’m media…the pictures will be everywhere.’”

The doctors finally took the children in, and Ut returned to the AP office in Saigon the same day to develop his picture.

Still in touch

After the “Napalm Girl” was published, Nick Ut had to go into hiding because the Saigon regime’s soldiers were searching for him everywhere.

The naked girl in the photograph survived and lives with her family in Canada now. The napalm scars are still visible on Kim Phuc’s body.

“We meet each other almost every year at different events. Whenever she is in America, we would meet up,” Nick Ut said.

A reunion between Nick Ut (L) and Kim Phuc (R) published on Nick Ut’s Facebook

on September 1, 2018.

In January 2019, her son is getting married in San Francisco and Nick Ut has been invited to the wedding.

Kim Phuc’s brother Pham Thanh Tam died of cancer a couple of years ago, but Nick Ut still keeps in touch with the other children in the picture whenever he can, during his annual visits to Vietnam.

How wars treat children

Nick Ut’s image of children in agony is not unique.

Nilufer Demir’s photographs of the floating body of a dead Syrian toddler whose family was fleeing a conflict triggered by some major powers, or Kevin Carter’s “The Vulture and The Little Girl” are images that haunt anyone who’s seen them.

Comparisons have been made between Nick Ut’s Napalm Girl and Kevin Carter’s The Vulture and The Little Girl.

Carter, a South African freelance photographer, shot the picture in 1992. When a United Nations food distribution plane landed, Carter shot images of young kids scrabbling in the dirt, crying, according to the National Geographic magazine.

As one little girl who had almost no flesh left on her scrawled on the ground, unaware of a vulture standing just beyond her, Carter took the shot and chased the bird away but he did not go the extra mile to save the little girl.

Nobody knows what happened to her.

‘I might have killed myself’

Like Nick Ut, Carter won a Pulitzer prize for the photograph, but four months after its publication, he killed himself, leaving behind a suicide note that mentioned how the suffering and killing of starved and wounded children and corpses haunted him.

While the picture drew worldwide attention to the Sudan famine, it also provoked afresh an everlasting debate on the ethics of a photographer’s work.

“If I had not saved Kim Phuc that day, I think I would have killed myself like Kevin Carter,” Nick Ut said.

He was also personally tormented by the war. His older brother, Huynh Thanh My, was killed on assignment with the AP in the Mekong Delta.

He still carries his own personal scars. In the 10 years that he covered the Vietnam War, he was hit by bullets on his thigh, belly, and arm.

To this day, his leg hurts sometimes from the bullet wound.

But he is grateful that his height, or the lack of it, helped him escape bullets that flew over his head.

With a short laugh, he told VnExpress International: “If I were as tall as you, I would probably have been killed.”

Too good to be true

Nick Ut’s Napalm Girl shook the world, but it was not immune from suspicion.

“Some people thought ‘Napalm Girl’ was manipulated or misinterpreted, including President Nixon and the American general leading the Vietnam War, who said it might just be cooking oil on her,” he recalled.

“A Life magazine photographer was standing right next to me when I took the shot, and he also filmed the moment Phuc and her family members ran out of the bombed town. There were also many other people around me then. Besides, anyone could contact Kim Phuc and ask her if the event was real.

“I don’t waste my time responding to skepticism about whether my work was photoshopped or fake. But I respect everyone’s freedom of speech.”

Another stunning shot that he took, Chasing the Moon, was also suspected of being photoshopped.

Chasing the moon. Photo courtesy of Nick Ut

Nick Ut dismisses the heresy with his pictures and that of many companions who together have been chasing the moon, including Paul Roa, a Los Angeles Times journalist and many of Ut’s colleagues and fellow photographers. They call themselves the “LunARTics”.

“It is not easy to take a shot like that. I have to figure out and understand the timing, which direction the moon and the plane are traveling, calculate the altitude and so on. I had to run around so much to get the shot I want,” Ut explained to VnExpress International with one hand emulating the plane and the other the photographer running on the ground.

Nick Ut at an interview with VnExpress International. Photo by VnExpress/Thanh Nguyen

The Hollywood stint

After Saigon fell in 1975, Ut left Vietnam to work in AP’s Tokyo bureau. It was there that he met his wife, Hong Huynh, another member of the Vietnamese diaspora.

The two migrated to Los Angeles in 1977, where he commenced a new phase of his career documenting Hollywood and other American celebrities.

American actress and comedian Cloris Leachman surrounded by her trophies, taken in 2011. The 92-year-old talent has won eight Primetime Emmy Awards, a Daytime Emmy Award, and an Academy Award for her role in The Last Picture Show (1971). Photo by Nick Ut

Iraq war veteran J.R. Martinez talks after he was named the grand marshal for Pasadena’s 123rd Tournament of Roses in Pasadena, California, taken on Nov 1, 2011. Photo by AP/Nick Ut

Nick Ut and Huynh have two children who can understand Vietnamese but cannot speak it very well.

While they find photography compelling, the children have not chosen to make a career out of it like their father. His grandchildren, though, aged 8 and 10, love taking photos.

“They are very good at shooting like their grandpa, but on their Iphones of course. Real cameras are too heavy for them,” Nick Ut said, smiling.

Sharing his legacy

Last March, AP announced that Nick Ut would retire after more than 50 years of photojournalism with the bureau.

Following the announcement, in May 2017, he came to Vietnam and gifted the “Napalm Girl” picture to the Vietnamese Women’s Museum in Hanoi.

The same month, he shared his photojournalism experience and expertise and the stories behind his photos with students, lecturers and other photographers at the VOV College, HCMC.

In June the same year, he gave the Vietnam Press Museum in Hanoi two cameras and 52 original photographs that he took during the Vietnam War along with few others he shot in Vietnam after 1975.

Nick Ut is a big fan of Leica cameras. He used one to capture the Napalm Girl. In fact, it is almost impossible to find him on the street without one dangling around his neck.

Nick Ut’s adoration for Leica cameras was cultivated by his late brother who showed him all his Leica cameras and used it every day to cover the Vietnam War.

In June 2018, he was invited to give a talk at the Leica Boutique in Hanoi about his near-death experience as a photojournalist in the war.

Home sweet home

Nick Ut is a naturalized American citizen, but he embraces his Vietnamese roots deeply, especially family values, not to mention its cuisine.

There is plenty of Vietnamese food available in California, but Nick Ut’s craving for authentic homemade cuisine is whetted every time he comes home.

“Ca kho to (braised fish made in southern Vietnam) is my favorite. And I also love canh chua (sour soup), bun cha Hanoi (grilled pork and vermicelli), banh xeo (Vietnamese pancake)….”

While speaking with VnExpress International, he took a break and went outside to buy some banana crackers from a street vendor. He raved about how delicious it was and shared it with everyone at the table.

Nick Ut pays a street vendor for some banana crackers. Photo by VnExpress/Thanh Nguyen

The 67-year-old photographer is retired from AP, but not from photography. He has signed up to freelance for Getty Image. He is also working on his book, “From Hell to Hollywood,” which is slated to come out this month.

It will be published in the US by AP, but he hopes a Vietnamese version of it will be produced in Vietnam as well.

He thoroughly enjoys his annual visits to his motherland, which he spends visiting family members and paying respect to the dead.

When asked about his siblings, Nick Ut quietly counted with his fingers. He had 11.

“Some have passed away. But my younger and older brothers are still in Long An Province (his hometown), and another older brother is living in Chinatown in Saigon. All of them have retired.”

Some of his older siblings had passed away before he could see them.

After all the strife and struggle, Nick Ut still nurtures a vision of and a mission for Vietnam.

“When Americans think of Vietnam, they think of Vietnam War. I want to change that. I want them to see the peaceful Vietnam.”

Saigon Change, November 2018. Photo by Nick Ut

Hoan Kiem Lake, Hanoi, Vietnam. Photo by Nick Ut.

Today, the man who shot the Napalm Girl revels in his real reward: a country at peace.

Story by Sen

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