#well this became much more of a rant than intended

[bajuuuu]

is there anything you're dying to talk about that no one has asked you about yet

Here’s one! Allow me, for a moment, to complain ramble about Spock’s “dyslexia” as canonised in Discovery.

First, let me just say very quickly I LOVE Discovery! What a funky show! It’s great! I can’t want to do a rewatch at some point… everyone go watch it and say hi to Saru (my beloved) for me!

I love Kelpians btw, they are the greatest! So amazing. I need to rewatch the damn show and then yell specifically about them at some point!

But anyways,

Spock’s “Dyslexia”! It does have a different name in canon but allas as a dyslexic person I can’t be bothered to pronounce let alone spell that. The word dyslexia is bad enough already. But the way it works is basically Spock is dyslexic ONLY in Vulcan.

Which, I hope, I don’t have to reiterate, IS REALLY FUCKING STUPID! Like, how would that even work? The entire point of the disability is that your brain works differently and sees the words and letters differently! (I know only very surface level stuff but, you know, it was explained to me why on earth I can not read properly XD)

And like, they even use this alien dyslexia to explain why Spock’s brain didn’t melt when he was shown pictures of the future (plot point, doesn’t really matter for the purposes of this rant). The point is that THEY ALREADY SAY HIS BRAIN WORKS DIFFERENTLY WHICH IS WHY IT DIDN’T MELT! So, why is it language specific?? What is so special about Vulcan that one can have dyslexia only in that one language but be completely fine in every other one? Is this specific to vulcans? Or can a human learn Vulcan and then suddenly realise “oh shit I’m dyslexic in this one very specific language”?

Why give your character (a character mind you, that has been used throughout history of this franchise by so many people to feel seen and represented by) a disability with all the “perks” and none of the… you know…. Disabling aspects? We see him struggle with reading in one (1) flashback scene and that’s it!

And it would be so damn easy as well! Just have Spock in Discovery or SNW casually mention that he is proofreading something to make sure he understands it correctly? Or have him misread a word every once in a while.

This character is already dyslexic, that’s already canon, so just PLEASE extend it to the other languages as well.

And I mean, even if that doesn’t happen, that’s fine, we can imagine. Or, well, we COULD, if Spock’s magical dyslexia didn’t hinder him SPECIFICALLY in the one language we basically never see him use!

I’m rambling, I know, but… it’s just… sad kinda. Just, Paramount, please, give my dyslexic Spock! Please!

[5xlwriter]

Feedist Kinktober: Magic Mirror

Intended to be part of a series of one-shots in response to @fatguarddog’s Feedist Kinktober 2024 prompts, but I loved the prompt and it became a much bigger story than I expected. The prompt was Magic Mirror.

I had mixed feelings about Theo moving in with me. We’d met several years ago through a friend of a friend, and he and his boyfriend Luca were invited to a lot of the same parties as me. I never really clicked with Luca… He was incredibly good looking and obsessively sculpted his body at the gym, giving him the look of an Adonis. But he knew he was gorgeous and used it as an excuse to treat people poorly.

Theo was different. He was smart, funny and exceptionally kind. For the most part, I was super excited for the memories we’d make together, and it would be great to save some money by splitting rent. But on the other hand, Theo was… kind of needy. He had criminally low self-esteem, and needed constant reassurance from his friends — especially now that Luca had dumped him. That was the reason he was now living in my spare room.

He’d moved in several weeks ago, and it was largely going well. I loved our daily movie nights and it was nice to share meals with someone. Theo was just as much of a neat freak as me, so it really didn’t feel like a burden having him around. If anything, the apartment was cleaner than ever… But his constant self-doubt was really driving me insane.

“Are you sure the food tastes OK?”, he’d ask after cooking our dinner. “We can turn this movie off if you’re not enjoying it,” he’d apologise just ten minutes into a film. Worst of all was the daily routine of having to reassure him that he looked good before he left the house. “Does my hair look weird?” he’d ask, fretting in the mirror as he adjusted his perfectly coiffed dark hair. “Is this zit noticeable?” he’d press, drawing my attention to a perfectly clear patch of skin. And most infuriating of all: “Do these pants make me look fat?”

Theo was thin as a rail. He was just one of those guys who were blessed with a superhuman metabolism as well as the self-discipline to be really careful about what he ate. Here he was, pushing 30, with not an ounce of fat on his frame. I envied him - I was fit myself, but I had to work really hard in the gym for it. My work as a personal trainer helped with that.

I was being harsh. Theo was a great roommate and an even better friend. I just wished he liked what he saw when he looked in the mirror.

And that’s exactly what I told the old lady behind the counter at Miss Mabel’s Curios & Antiques, a dusty little store downtown that I’d passed by a billion times. I wasn’t sure why I was here - I’d been ranting to a friend about my predicament with Theo, and she’d said that Miss Mabel would know what to do. At my whit’s end, I trusted her recommendation.

“Oh, that’s easy my boy,” she said in a creaky little voice as she jumped down from her stool. She was a small lady, wearing what looked like at least ten cardigans and her messy grey hair tied in a bun atop her head. She had a warm and eccentric charm about her; not quite like a grandma, but moreso like a distant elderly aunt who you saw at the occasional family function.

She tottered off down one of the store’s aisles, before looking back over her shoulder expectantly. “Well, come on then!” she beckoned, and I quickly followed her. We soon stopped in front of a large rectangular object, as tall as I was and concealed under a dust sheet which Miss Mabel promptly whipped off.

It was a mirror - and an old one at that. The glass was in reasonably good condition but the frame - decorated with intricate carvings of daffodils - was in a sorry state, with chunks of wood missing and deep scars across the surface. What on earth did Miss Mabel think I could achieve with this?

“Don’t be so dense, dearie,” she teased, tapping me on the forehead. “This is a magic mirror. Give it to your friend, it’ll sort him right out.”

I had more than a few reservations, most of them related to the small fact that I didn’t believe in magic mirrors - or any kind of magic, actually. And yet, Miss Mabel seemed very certain and there was no hint of trickery in her kind eyes. Plus, when I noticed the £10 price tag on the mirror, it dissolved any concerns I had that this could be a con. That was an absolute steal, even if the mirror had seen better days. I paid her the money and headed for the door, before Miss Mabel called after me.

“Just a wee warning, dearie,” she said hesitantly. “Magic, especially old magic like that, can be unpredictable. Keep an eye on your friend, hm?”

I nodded, and made my way home.

Theo was delighted with the mirror, which I thought was an odd response to something that looked like I’d rescued it from a dump. He might have been unsure at first, raising an eyebrow when I revealed its new location hung in our hallway, but as soon as he looked into it I watched his face change. There was a light in his eyes as they lingered longer than normal on his reflection, and I saw his mouth curl into a smile. That never happened. Maybe the mirror really was magic… In any case, it seemed to do the trick, and I went to bed that evening quietly confident that Theo was going to be a little softer on himself.

When I woke up the following morning, it was to the smell of bacon. Weird, I thought. We usually just had toast for breakfast, or maybe a smoothie. But I certainly wasn’t going to complain! God, Theo was the best roommate I’d ever had…

As I walked out into the hallway, Theo was looking at himself in the mirror and flexing his non-existent muscles. I raised an eyebrow but said nothing, heading through to the kitchen. The bacon was looking very dark in the pan, much crispier than I liked it, and none of the bread for our sandwiches had been buttered.

“Theo, this bacon is looking very done,” I called out to him. He didn’t answer. “Theo?” I called again.

“Ugh, what?” he snapped back in a tone I’d never heard him use before, though he quickly seemed to catch his rude behaviour. “Oh, um, I’m sorry,” he said, scrambling for words but not taking his eyes off his reflection. “Would you mind finishing off breakfast for me?” He asked. “I’m kinda busy.”

He was acting strange, but I tried my best not to overthink it and did as I was asked, slathering some butter on the four slices of bread and transferring the bacon into two sandwiches.

“It’s ready,” I said, and headed to the fridge. That’s weird, I thought. There was no milk left to make our coffees, even though I’d bought some yesterday. And why had Theo put the empty carton back in the fridge? I poured us two glasses of orange juice instead.

At that moment, Theo walked into the kitchen without saying a word, and then left again with the bacon sandwiches. Both of them. And when I gave chase to confront him about it, expecting to find him sat in the living room, I was stopped dead in my tracks. He was stood in the hallway, stuffing the sandwiches into his mouth with eyes fixed on the mirror, like he was watching TV.

I heard Miss Mabel’s warning in my head. Keep an eye on your friend… Something was wrong.

Later that day, I’d rushed over to Miss Mabel’s shop to get her advice - but when I arrived, the lights were off and the door was locked. That’s when I noticed the sign, handwritten in spidery penmanship: “ON VACATION! SIX WEEKS IN EGYPT! SEE YOU SOON DEARIES. MMx”. There was a little drawing of some pyramids in the bottom corner. Fuck.

I didn’t want to mess with the mirror, since I figured if it really was magic then I had no clue how it might affect Theo. Just a glance had changed his behaviour dramatically, who knew what else it could do? And so I reasoned that the best thing to do would be to wait for Miss Mabel to return, and in the meantime to follow her advice and keep an eye on him. After all, he wasn’t exactly a danger or in any pain - he was just acting… different. Little did I know, he’d soon be looking different too…

***

It had started after a few days. The novelty of the mirror seemed to have worn off for Theo, and he no longer spent all day in front of it like he did that first day. But he was still acting differently, and I’d still catch him checking himself out in it multiple times a day. This particular evening, we were sat in front of the TV while Theo ate dinner. Since buying the mirror, Theo only prepared food for himself, but I’d planned to heat up my leftovers from yesterday so that we could eat together. I was feeling distant from him and thought it would be a good chance to chat. Except, when I opened the fridge, I found they were gone, no doubt eaten by my strange new roommate. So I reluctantly ordered a pizza, and sat with Theo as I waited for it to arrive.

Theo didn’t appear to be in the mood for a chat, his eyes glued to the TV while he shovelled heaping forkfuls of creamy pasta into his mouth, chewing loudly. It was like someone else had taken over his body. Most weird of all was his choice of programming - usually, we might watch a documentary together, or catch up on one of our regular dramas. And he’d always ask what I wanted to watch. But today we were watching a home shopping network, with a musclebound (and very attractive) jock demonstrating some workout equipment.

“Oh come on Theo,” I teased, trying to make conversation. “He’s hot, sure, but surely there’s something else we can watch?”

Theo looked at me with a look of utter incomprehension, even pausing his feeding frenzy to process what I’d just said. I felt like I’d offended him. He shoved another fork in his mouth and finally spoke as he chewed.

“That man ain’t hot,” he said, spraying me with flecks of cream before swallowing. “He’s got nothing on me. And look at all the exercise he’s gotta do just to have those puny muscles. Mine are twice as big and are all natural.”

Now it was my turn to look confused. Surely Theo was joking? He had no muscle whatsoever… He was practically a skeleton. Except… Now that I looked at him, I mean really looked at him, that wasn’t quite true…

He was… Not “bigger”, per se… he certainly didn’t look like he’d gained any muscle. But he was… softer, somehow. It was almost imperceptible, a thin coating over his whole body, a slight puffiness… But now that I’d noticed it, there was no denying it. For a moment, I reasoned that it was natural for someone so thin to put on a couple of pounds, considering how much Theo had been stuffing his face these last few days. But then, as he finished his huge bowl of pasta and made his way over to the mirror for his routine post-meal quality time with his reflection, curiosity got the better of me and I peeked into the hallway to watch.

He stood tall and proud, flexing non-existent muscles as though he were a world-champion body builder. And then, most alarmingly of all, I saw him grow.

It happened so slowly I couldn’t even be sure it was really happening, but as I fixed my eyes on his form there was no denying it. His arms were thickening and filling out his sleeves a little more, while the slight softness at his waist began to press against his shirt. Within a few minutes he looked to be about 5lbs heavier - not a big deal for most people, but certainly noticeable on Theo’s lithe frame. My mouth was wide open in shock. This just wasn’t possible. It had to be my eyes playing tricks on me, my imagination getting the better of me… I was just stressed out by Theo’s personality transplant… I…

The doorbell rang, and Theo ignored it, too preoccupied with his reflection. “That’ll be my pizza,” I said, getting to my feet. No sooner had I said it, Theo eagerly answered the door and brought in the pizza, setting it down in before me on the coffee table. I felt an odd sense of relief - this was the kind of attentive behaviour I was used to from Theo. Maybe the magic was wearing off… Maybe my old roommate wasn’t gone after all.

I went to the kitchen to get some drinks (water for me, a glass of milk for Theo) and returned to the living room, where I found Theo already halfway through devouring my pizza.

***

It had been a week since I brought home the mirror, and I was pretty adjusted now to Theo’s newfound greed and selfishness. I found it difficult to get angry with him when I discovered the fridge cleared out or a stack of dirty dishes in the sink - I was the one who had brought the mirror into our home; I was the one who’d meddled because I couldn’t deal with Theo needing a little extra encouragement.

When I got home from work each day, I would typically find Theo in one of two places: sat on the couch stuffing his face, or flexing and pouting in the dreaded mirror. This time, it was the latter.

God, he’d really blown up now. It was all happening so quickly and every time I saw him he looked to be bigger than the time before. I had accepted the impossible fact that the mirror was piling the pounds onto my friend; even now, as I watched him admiring himself, I watched in real time as Theo’s new soft underbelly slowly inched out the bottom of his shirt. He’d always dressed in oversized clothing, but now everything he owned was starting to get very snug on his oversized body.

“My god, I’m gorgeous,” he said aloud. “Luca doesn’t know what he’s missing.” he said, kissing his own soft bicep. “I haven’t been to the gym all week and my guns are looking better than ever!”

I smiled politely, but I was worried. Miss Mabel was still out of town for another five weeks, and I guessed that Theo must have already stacked on about 50lbs. You didn’t need to be a maths genius to figure out that he risked ending up over 400lbs by the time she was able to help us break the spell. If she was able to help us. Theo still stood a chance of working this off now, but if things got that far… he’d be changed forever.

“Theo, can we talk?” I asked. He huffed a little, clearly annoyed to be pulled away from the mirror, but reluctantly followed me into the living room.

***

It had been two weeks since my conversation with Theo, and things were still intensely frosty between us. I’d asked him if he was OK, and he’d insisted he was never better. I’d asked him if he’d noticed any changes in his behaviour, and he’d said he’d just realised that he needed to put himself first. I’d asked him if he’d noticed any changes in his body, and he agreed that yes, he’d been growing lately - that his muscles were inexplicably growing. He couldn’t explain it, he said, but he was happy with the results.

I gently tried to explain that it didn’t look that way to me, that I thought he might have been bulking with how much he’d been eating, but with the right cut he’d be looking awesome in no time… That sent him into a rage. We had a huge argument. He’d screamed at me - was I fucking blind? Did I not see how perfect his body was? I was just jealous - and then he stormed out, softer ass bouncing behind him in too-tight shorts. Since then, we hadn’t really spoken, and things were getting so much worse…

He was really big now. Like, he was a certified fat guy, a fully fledged 300 pounder - or maybe more? It was difficult to tell. Every time I saw him, I had to do a double take: firstly, because my brain wasn’t quite catching up with his skyrocketing weight and was failing to register this figure as my roommate. And secondly, because he’d outgrown all his clothes and taken to wandering the apartment in just a pair of boxer briefs. They were so tight on him that the elastic waistbands had all developed wide holes.

His choice of dress meant that all his fresh fat was on full display, a constant reminder of what I’d brought upon him by bringing home the mirror. His face was round and bloated, making his eyes look beady and piggish above two puffed-out cheeks. Beneath it was a thick ring of fat, a double chin that was exaggerated when he looked down at his phone. His shoulders had become strikingly broad, though not with the muscle he was still convinced he possessed; they rounded out and sloped like big hills, bunching up behind his neck in another wedge of fat that gave him the look of a hunchbacked office worker. Further down, two plump tits hung from his chest, pooling under his armpits and gathering in thick rolls on his back. They were so distracting; jiggling wildly with every slight movement he made, it was impossible to look away. And beneath them sat the main event: a big, soft belly that had started to hang down over his crotch like a flabby apron. Whilst not as jiggly as his tits (perhaps because it was always full of food), it still looked soft and plush, wobbling as he waddled around the apartment. He’d even started to walk like a fat guy, I noticed, swinging his fat arms side to side to offset his sudden weight gain.

I felt terrible. And as I watched him posing yet again in the mirror, having just demolished a family-sized tray of pasta as a snack between meals, I felt even more terrible. The mirror would be working its sinister magic on him and turning all that food into fat. Sure enough, as if to prove a point, I heard a ripping sound and noticed one of the holes in his underwear growing beneath his widening hips. I had to do something.

***

I resolved to get rid of the mirror. I’d known all along it was the right thing to do, but I was scared of Theo’s reaction. He was so volatile. Part of me was also scared of how it might affect him - had he and the mirror formed some kind of magic bond? What would happen if that was severed? But as my friend’s weight inched closer to 400lbs with each day, I knew I had to do something. But the issue was now pressing, as I was due to leave on a trip I’d booked myself months ago. I was going to be gone for two weeks, and while I certainly wasn’t in the mood to go now, I’d already paid a lot of money and it wasn’t exactly like I could wave a wand and stop all this. What good could I possibly do here? In fact, Theo seemed to resent me the more I tried to help. But I could still hear Miss Mabel’s warning that I ought to keep an eye on him, ringing around my head. I reasoned that if I could get the mirror out of the way and then disappear myself for a couple of weeks, maybe that would at least slow whatever was happening to my friend.

And so, when Theo was out getting food, I made my move, carefully taking the mirror off the wall and making my way to the door. Before I could reach it, it opened of its own accord… and there in the doorway was Theo. Fuck. He was so big now that it was impossible not to be intimidated by him, even if he did look ridiculous squeezed into clothes that he was 150lbs too big for. He was visibly uncomfortable, all the fabric digging into his fat, which burst unflatteringly out of every opening. His belly was barely covered by the material, making it look like he was wearing a crop top, and several inches of his ass crack were visible, not able to be contained by the sweatpants that were painted onto his thick, gelatinous thighs. I couldn’t believe he’d left the house like this, but I suppose it was better that than parading around in his underwear. Anyone who saw him must have thought he was totally unaware of his weight, or that he had suddenly ballooned overnight. They would have had no idea how close to the truth they were…

“What the fuck are you doing with that?” he snarled, snatching the mirror off me with one meaty, fat-fingered hand while the other shoved the remaining half of a burger into his mouth. He seemed to swallow it in one gulp. A thick blob of ketchup dripped onto his stretched and strained t-shirt.

I was still frozen, unable to say or do anything. He barged past me, making his way to his bedroom. He re-emerged a few seconds later, no longer carrying the mirror. It would seem he would be keeping it in there from now on. “Don’t touch my shit,” he warned in a terrifyingly severe tone and then tipped a container of fries into his mouth, dropping the empty packet on the floor. I nodded emphatically.

Without hesitation, he tried to peel off his t-shirt but found himself met with great difficulty. He squirmed and writhed his fat body, trying to manoeuvre himself out of the fabric, but it was simply too tight. I had no idea how he’d even got it on… perhaps he’d grown in the time since? Without warning, he let out a yell of frustration and then tore the entire thing off him in one furious motion. “And another thing,” he spat, turning his broad back to me and making his way back into his room. “Stop washing my clothes, I’m sick of you fucking shrinking everything.”

***

The two weeks away had been a complete waste. I was barely able to relax or take in any of the culture, constantly worried about my friend back home. In truth, I wanted to disconnect from Theo. I’d tried to help him change course and he was treating me so terribly… It was hard to care about him. But I couldn’t shake the guilt - it was me that had caused this, and I owed it to Theo to make it right. Besides, this wasn’t really Theo who was acting this way. It had to be something or someone else… Perhaps he was possessed, or hypnotised, or… It couldn’t have changed him, could it? And certainly not so dramatically? But then I remembered the giant, flabby ass that he was no doubt sat on back home, stuffing his fat face, and I knew that it could… I just hoped there was some kind of counter-magic that Miss Mabel could use to undo all this, to make it like it never happened. It was magic after all, right? I’d learned that anything was possible…

After pausing a while outside the apartment door, unsure of the reception I’d receive from my roommate upon my return, I finally pushed it open. One thing I was sure of was the condition I’d find Theo in. I had no doubt in my mind that he would be weighing in another 100lbs heavier than when I’d left, and I’d braced myself for the sight of him. I assumed he’d be sat in the living room, shovelling food into his growing gut - and this suspicion was supported by the volume of fast food wrappers strewn through the hallway. It was disgusting, looking and smelling like a back alley in the city. I couldn’t believe this was my home. But when I peered into the living room, I found nothing there other than more mess. The TV was off and Theo was nowhere to be seen. Hmm… strange… I glanced to where the mirror used to hang, and then to his bedroom. Perhaps he was holed up in there, checking himself out?

Morbid curiosity got the better of me, and I cautiously approached the door, knocking gingerly and calling out his name. “Theo?”

He didn’t respond, but I could hear strange noises coming from within. It sounded like laboured, heavy breathing. Was Theo fucking someone? Or getting himself off? I listened closer - no, it wasn’t that, the breathing was so erratic, gasping for air… He sounded like he was in trouble. I became alarmed. “Theo, are you OK?”

I flung the door open and my world ground to a halt. Theo was not OK.

Theo’s room was a complete pig sty, piled high with empty pizza boxes and food containers. It stank of sweat and grease and god knows what else, the stench so thick in the air I had to cover my nose. He’d propped up the mirror at the end of his bed, presumably so he could lay in it and admire himself… And the consequences of that decision were enormous.

Literally enormous. Theo was totally unrecognisable, his pale pink flesh filling the entire double bed. He was the fattest man I’d ever seen - perhaps the fattest man that had ever been? His facial features were buried under fat; just two beady eyes and a pair of puckered, sauce-stained lips. If I wasn’t aware of all that had passed in the last few weeks, I would never be able to identify this person as Theo. He was completely transformed. His whole body was splattered with various sauces that he had clearly dribbled on mid-feast… which made sense. He was clearly too big to move and showering would have been impossible.

The blob of a man that lay gasping for air in Theo’s bed was almost as wide as he was tall. It’s difficult to describe any part of him in detail, as all his body parts sort of squished together and melded into one another, fat jostling for space. His tits were each bigger than my head, and there were bits of food wedged in his deep cleavage. His arms were so pumped full of fat that I think they were bigger than my waist. I couldn’t see much of his legs as they were covered by his gargantuan belly, rolling and rocking like jelly with each pained breath, but even his feet were swollen with fat, threatening to be swallowed up into his legs. Fuck, I thought to myself. How could someone have fat toes?

I wanted to say something but my brain was completely fried. What the fuck do you say to a whale who was thin as a beanpole little more than a month ago? Theo looked like a fucking sideshow attraction. Fortunately, he spoke first.

“Dude, thank god — you’re here—“ he wheezed. What? Was he actually happy to see me? Maybe the magic had worn off! My hopes were short lived... “Nobody— wants— to deliver— my food,” he confessed. “Bunch of— fucking— assholes…”

I could see why minimum wage delivery drivers would want to avoid this cesspit. Something told me the new Theo was not a generous tipper. But this was my fault after all, and I couldn’t let him starve. Reluctantly I agreed to go pick him something up - if nothing else it would give me time to think over what to do next. I watched him with pity as he placed the pickup order on his phone, his fat sausage fingers mashing things he didn’t mean to press. He didn’t seem to be removing any of those items from his basket, though…

Soon enough I was back at the apartment with ten paper bags full to the brim with junk. They were as fit to burst as he was, and after handing them over I sat on the edge of the bed (squeezing myself onto the only unoccupied corner I could find) and buried my head in my hands. What was I going to do?

He made short work of the meal and half an hour later he was burping, rubbing his giant gut, and admiring himself in the mirror. “Fuck— I’m so— sexy,” he moaned. “Why— did I ever— settle— for Luca? I’m so— out— of his— league… Gotta find— me someone— as hot— I am…”

I snapped. “Theo, how the fuck are you gonna do that?! You’re as big as a fucking house! You can’t even get out of bed!” I wanted to smack him out of his delusional daydream. But it wasn’t fair to take my frustration out on him, and I tried to calm myself. This wasn’t his fault.

“Yes I— fucking— can,” he gasped. “I’m just— resting— so my— muscles— can grow…”

There was silence between us for a moment. I had no idea what to say, and Theo was too distracted by caressing his own lard in the mirror for a conversation. But as he groped himself, his moaning got louder and more… sensual… I was no longer certain that it was just a symptom of discomfort from his overindulgence. He seemed to be enjoying himself…

“Please— man—“ he begged, looking at me with pleading eyes. “Help— me— out— here… I— know— you— can’t— resist— me…”

Fortunately, I didn’t have time to take him up on his perverted offer. There was an almighty crash, and the room seemed to lift up into the air as I felt myself fall downwards. It took me a few seconds to realise what had happened: the cursed mirror had fattened Theo up so big that the bed could no longer support him, and now he and I sat on the floor, surrounded by its broken pieces. His whole body was wobbling from the impact and he looked like a giant, melted marshmallow. I was surprised he didn’t fall straight through the floor and into the apartment below.

I spotted something shiny by my hand, and on closer examination I saw it was a shard of glass. The mirror. I noticed it had fallen over face-down, and when I nervously lifted its side to inspect the damage I saw that the whole thing was shattered. Oh god, I worried to myself. How was Theo going to react?

“What— just— happened—,” Theo grunted to himself as I got to my feet and stood the mirror up. He seemed lost and confused, a softness in his voice that I recognised from before all this mess began. His eyes seemed to adjust to the room, taking in his surroundings as though he’d just woken up from a dream. “What’s— going— on—,” he gasped, shaking his head in confusion (though the fat in his neck limited his movement). Still, his cheeks jiggled as he did so. “Am— I— sick..? I— can’t— breathe…” I barely registered what he was saying, too worried about his response to finding out the mirror was broken.

“Theo,” I said, trying to steady my voice. “I’m really sorry… I’ll buy you a new one right away, but… Ugh. I don’t know how to say this, but…” I gulped. “Your mirror is broken.”

I turned the mirror around to face him, so he could see the damage for himself. For a moment he didn’t really react at all, furrowing his brow in confusion. He didn’t seem at all sure why he should care about a broken mirror, despite the fact he’d done little else for the past five weeks than stare in it and feed himself. But as he looked harder, as he really focussed his eyes on the mountain of flesh looking back at him, something seemed to click in his mind… A moment of world-shattering realisation...

He recognised himself, and his eyes went wide in horror. He screamed.

[thebibliosphere]

Hi! How are you doing? Sorry to bother you, but i dont know many scottish people and idk who to talk to about this book I found on audible. It's called Imogène, by french author Charles Exbrayat. Do you know him /the book? I've started reading it but I had to pause because, while being sold as a "humorous spy story" I find the protagonist, a "very proudly scottish" woman, to be... an offensive caricature? Like she acts like a fool, honestly. This book contains some interesting points about sexism (it was published in 1959), and ridiculous british habits (such as employees forced to give money for princess anna's birthday or being socially scorned). I'm sure the shared dislike / distrust the protagonist and her british colleagues feel are (were?) realistic. But she is so extra, and the story keeps telling how lonely she is, even after working 20 years in london. She has No friends, most acquitances dont talk to her for various motivations, her bosses hates her ... idk I feel this book is actually mocking scottish people? Or scottish women??? I was SO there for a "strong woman protagonist who gives cutting remarks to her boss or peers", but this looks wrong. Idk. I didnt know whom ask for inputs. Maybe i'm reading too much into it. Feel free to ignore this mega rant. Have a good day!

I think cultural and historical context and time of publication-- which was almost 70 years ago --are important factors to take into consideration when we look at fiction through our current expectations.

I can’t speak to the book as I’ve never read it, but speaking as a Scots woman who worked for an English publishing house for a while, being made to feel alienated by my boss and others due to being Scottish was unfortunately still something going on in 2011.

I’d get lots of “Oh but you sound so eloquent” remarks regarding my thinned-out accent (something I did on purpose to avoid being told to “speak properly” which was also something I heard a lot in school if I ever used my native Scots language instead of “Queen’s English.”) and one time my boss referred to me as “their civilized Scot” to an American author, whose Scottish romance book I was supposed to be fixing the dialogue on.

The phrasing was along the lines of, “Don’t worry, you’ll be able to understand her. Joy is our civilized Scot.”

The author laughed and made another derogatory comment about how they just loved Scottish accents even if it was unintelligible a lot of the time. I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to lose my first career job.

I kept my mouth shut a lot in that job.

In that regard I could very well empathize with the character being lonely and not engaging with anyone, even after 20 years.

The proud Scottish woman can be a bit of a caricature, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is intended as mocking.

Again, cultural/historical context matters.

I wasn’t alive in 1959, but I know there was a lot of Scottish media about the time that leaned into the stubbornness and pride of Scots women both for humor and to make societal commentary on the fact that women were strong and more independent than they’d ever been following two world two and a lot of men weren’t happy about it and wanted them to go back into their boxes. As a result the mouthy, proud Scots woman became a mockable caricature that turned women into shrill, over proud scolds.

Get back in your box or we’ll make fun of you, basically.

So is this book being mocking, or is it employing popular tropes of the time, knowing that audience will understand what it means and that the female protagonist is being subversive despite what others expect from her?

I can’t say. Again, haven’t read it. It could be utter dogshit and making total fun of my culture. But I do think when looking at older media we need to put our thinking caps on and think, “How would the audience of the time, 1959, have viewed and engaged with this?”

Expecting a “strong female protagonist” as we know it from media today isn’t going to work with media that’s almost 70 years old.

Hell, the “strong woman protagonist” wasn’t even something any piece of media could agree on when I was growing up in the 90s.

Times change. Literary tropes and preferences change. It helps to keep that in mind.

[ganondoodle]

random thought about the memory system

a big difference between why botws memories worked so well but totks didnt is mainly bc in botw, there wasnt that much plot, you kinda knew what was up by the time you left the tutorial, all memories serve you just as well as link, sending you around a hyrule you dont know, the few scenes of main characters do a good job of giving you an idea of who they are, but the majority is focused on zelda and link, why she acted to cold to him at first and later became friends, the characterization being not jsut in memories but also in how people remember them, their diary etc, when you meet their ghosts theres a familiarity to how they talk to you, they know and care about you, its like giving you late friend one last visit; getting memories out of order really doesnt hurt that characterization and overall it really just serves to flesh out the past and what made this world the way you see it now but mainly it gives you characters

in totk, its ... the main plot driving thing, you are here for the story now more than the world bc you know the world already, besides the sages stuff (that isnt much either besides some legends that apprently were always a thing but never popped up until now), its basically the entire plot and it all hinges on it, its trying to be both plot and character introduction AND characterization, which it simply cant do; we already know zelda and what shes like, but its like the game itself doesnt know what to do with her now, she doesnt do anything, she stands around listenign to strangers talk, whenever she says anything shes dismissed or it simply doesnt matter, the most she does is go around to faceless and nameless sages of old we dont know nor care about in a damn near copy paste scene begging them to help link of the far future somehow even tho they really have no reason to and then she swallows a stone bc she has literally no other choice; fleshing out the past doesnt work either bc this past is so far removed from anything of the world and people you know that theres simply no meaningful connection to make you really care, there are no characters alive that knew the people of old ...except mineru and rauru are still there, but then dont tell you shit, theres so much you dont know about them, their world or history and they dont tell you anything bc *gestures vaguely* ?? even ganondorf only says some standard villain stuff that tells us pretty much nothing about him nor rauru, no one in your time asking you who the hell that ghost powered robot is? no she sits in her robot somewhere deep underground (how does she even get out of there at the end, she needed you to drive her around to her own temple after all) given how straight up obsessed hyrules entire population is with sonau stuff they sure dont do anything with a literal person from that time and then at the end she jsut goes poof, welp, guess we will never, sure, fine keep your secrects; getting the memories out of order destroys literally any kind of story that was there, like it wasnt predicatble from like memory 3 to where it would go (predicable can be good but in this case its boring as hell) anyway

.. theres more i could talk about but this is already longer than intended and i want to do other things but this with my evening, you probably heard most of my problems with this game in my rants by now anyway

[iamnmbr3]

I think its… kinda of odd and a little uncomfortable how much JK… HATED Draco. idk if it was from the start or maybe as time went on but the more I hear and look into the writing of Draco, regardless of how interesting his struggles were and how well it slowly developed… JK kept writing the narrative and there fore manipulate the audience to hate him. even when he was redeeming himself or at least TRYING to it just... seems odd for a grown woman to hate her own character that much when they were literally written to be a brainwashed misguided child.

Idk if her excuse was that it was totally Harry's perspective and thats why or if it was her own personal opinions about her own character but it's just so.... weird.

I agree. What particularly bothers me is the condescending and sexist and heteronormative remarks she's made about fans of the character and about the actor who played him. She seems to really struggle to cope with anyone reacting to her work in a way different from what she intended. That post on the wizarding world website (originally pottermore) where she said (I'm paraphrasing here) that Draco's fans were just girls who thought Tom Felton was attractive was so disrespectful.

It should go without saying but it's an incredibly sexist comment to assume that women who like a character are just silly girls whose brains fell out because they saw an attractive man. It implies that all his fans are women (not true), that all women are attracted to men (not true) that all female fans attracted to men are attracted to the character or actor (not true) and that female fans who do find the actor or character attractive are somehow lesser or incapable of thinking and analyzing and acknowledging the things Draco did wrong (not true) and that the only reason people who watched the movies responded to the character was because of Tom Felton's looks not his acting ability (not true). All these things are both untrue and offensive to suggest. For someone who claims to fight against sexism she sure spends a lot of time repeating sexist narratives. Maybe instead of attacking trans people she could work on her own sexism...

And yeah I genuinely don't understand why she seems mystified that people would view Draco differently than they view an unrepentant Death Eater like Bellatrix Lestrange when SHE is the one who wrote him the way she did. She could've made him love being a Death Eater but she didn't. And then she got mad when people reacted to that distinction. I've got something in my drafts somewhere going through the post on Wizarding World (formerly Pottermore) that she wrote about him because she gives even more (actually pretty cool) details about how Draco changed postwar and abandoned his previous beliefs...and then goes on this bizarre self righteous rant about how he didn't get redeemed and fans who likes him are dumb. After literally a paragraph before talking about his redemption arc. It's so strange.

And I agree it's extremely frustrating because to me Draco is one of the most interesting characters in the story with one of the most compelling arcs. Precisely because of his flaws and how he gradually becomes a better person and makes better decisions while still remaining imperfect. He's a great character with a great story but she seems totally unaware of what she wrote and actively hostile to people who enjoyed the character and even towards the character himself which stops him getting to live up to his full potential. Lowkey wonder if after he became so popular post book 6 maybe she reduced his "screentime" in book 7 out of spite or something. I have no proof whatsoever of that but I do wonder.

[starlightshadowsworld]

The Wary Weretiger

"You know, I think therapy might be more effective than this." Said Atsushi. He didn't need to turn around to know Akutugawa was rolling his eyes.

"Shut up."

Atsushi raised his hand, catching the orange. "Huh, you even peeled it this time. Must be serious."

He wasn't exactly sure how they got here. Akutagawa had been hunting him down for his bounty.... And than one day just stopped. Somewhere along the lines this had become their routine.

Akutugawa ranted at him, Atsushi sat and ate whatever fruit he'd pick up on the way. Sometimes he'd voice his own opinion and Akutugawa would begrudgingly listen.

It was werid.

But not unwelcome.

It definitely beat having his leg cut off, that's for sure.

"Go on, out with it. I'm busy today." Akutugawa scoffed "and what could you be possibly busy with." Atsushi shrugged "well I still need to get a job."

It didn't matter how much he saved from what he stole from the Orphanage, it wouldn't last him much longer.

"I thought the Agency offered you a position." Said Akutugawa, carefully. As kind as Atsushi was he fought like a caged beast. He could and would ditch Akutugawa if the other offended him.

And Akutugawa didn't want to admit he liked his company.

Atsushi took a bite out of an orange slice "only because of my ability. They're nice people, but I'll find a job myself. Besides that would you my enemy and I am not dealing with that."

His leg would grow back but it was painful. And being on Akutugawa's not bad side was a nice place to be.

Not that Atsushi would admit it.

Akutagawa nodded, he could respect wanting to keep your pride even when you were at rock bottom. But even soo... "Is it so bad for them to want you for your ability?"

Atsushi paused.

"My whole life people have only wanted my ability. They've tried to rip it out of me because they felt entitled to it.... Do you really think I'd want to join an organisation that values it so highly?"

There was an edge to his tone, but also sadness. Akutugawa's eyes went wide in shock.

He unconsciously tugged his coat closer. He wouldn't know what to do if Rashomon was stolen from him.

Akutugawa felt vulnerable just taking a bath, he couldn't imagine how Atsushi felt feeling his ability get ripped out of his skin. It was fortunate that it clearly failed.

It certainly explained Atsushi's distrust of both light and dark.

"I suppose not." Said Akutugawa, going quiet in thought. He went back to his initial question.

"I was once in a situation like yours. I lived in the slums, it was there Dazai found me and I joined the Port Mafia. That became my purpose, and I'm lost without it. But you... You don't have that, and yet you seem satisfied."

Atsushi hummed, thoughtful. "I'm gonna say something, but right or wrong you're not allowed to stab me again."

Akutagawa scoffed.

"I stabbed you one time, stop acting like it was such a big deal.... But very well, I won't stab you."

Atsushi turned to face Akutugawa, putting his orange slices back into a tupperware box. "That isn't your purpose."

Akutagawa is taken aback. He wants to argue but something in him stops him. The way Atsushi spoke to him now was different to how he usually does.

He sounded like Dazai.

Dazai in the quiet moments, the rare moments when Akutugawa hadn't failed him. The all seeing look in his eye as he read Akutugawa like an open book.

"You had a purpose, one you cherished like a second soul. But you lost it. You tried to convince yourself whatever you consider your purpose now is it, but it isn't. And it never will be."

And yet when Atsushi spoke it was kind. It wasn't intended to tear Akutugawa down, quite the opposite. And Akutugawa found himself unable to look away.

"... How do you know this?"

Atsushi smiled, it was small and sad and it didn't fit him like his usual grin did. "You wouldn't be trying so hard to find your purpose if you truly believed you found it."

He looked away, giving Akutugawa some privacy in his own thoughts. "Ask yourself, who were you before the Port Mafia? Who were you back when you were like me? There's you're answer."

Akutagawa frowned, deep in thought. He'd been... He'd been weaker and pitiful. A small child who killed whoever went in his way, but killing hadn't changed in his life.

He was the Port Mafia's Rabid dog, he was still a killer so that wasn't it.

What had he been killing for? In the Port Mafia it was because those were his orders. Because the weak needed to be destroyed to make way for the strong.

Back in the slums it had been for survival. Akutugawa would've died many times over if he'd let those idiots survive. And Gin wouldn't have survived of he hadn't protected her from them.

Akutagawa froze.

... That's what it was. He had been a protector, his reason for killing down in the slums was to protect Gin and his friends.

His friends who were killed on the night Dazai found him... The night Akutugawa lost his purpose and tried to gain another.

But failed.

"I can't get it back." Whispered Akutugawa, suprised that he choked up at the thought. He hadn't thought of them in years.

"You can" Said Atsushi, looking at him again. "The circumstances may have changed, but the core premise is the same. You just have to open yourself up to that."

Open himself up? So Akutugawa had to find something else to protect? That... Didn't seem so hard, given the Port Mafia protected the city from the shadows. And Gin was still with him.

Had it really been infront of him, all this time?

"That's the difference between us" said Atsushi, quietly but Akutugawa caught it. "You had a purpose only to lose it. While I have never had one."

Atsushi chuckled and it was sad again and Akutugawa hated it. He preferred when Atsushi was genuinely happy. When his smile reached his eyes, his eyes that were kind and shined with light.

Now they looked so empty, so sad.

"You think I'm satisfied but I'm not. I have no dreams, no aspirations, my worth is tied entirely to my ability. I live to spite all those that want me dead, to stop them from taking the tiger if I pass on. I have no purpose, not really."

Akutugawa didn't know what to say, all he could do was nod in goodbye when Atsushi left.

He reached down, picking up the half of orange Atsushi saved for him. That he always saved for him, no matter how hard times got.

"You're wrong" he said to the wind as he walked away. "You're so much more than you're ability."

[foxypheonix]

Let’s Address Some Things

It’s been nearly a year since this first began. I have been working on this since about March as I can no longer keep it in and let my nay-sayers get away with this. This event triggered severe RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) in me and threw me into a deep depression so it wasn’t easy for me to try to write all of this down. I wanted to be as clear and truthful as possible, so writing an emotional rant post in response wasn’t an option. I know how the drama-lovers like to nitpick words, so I wanted to be careful as well.

This is about the drama between RadicalRainbow and me. It involves a lot of people, because Rainbow refused to let this be private. As such, I will be posting this publicly as well…

I will be sharing everything that happened that I can remember. I am not about to throw a pity party for myself, but I do intend to defend myself. I want to set things straight for those who actually care to know the whole story. I know it probably won’t help much for those who are convinced I am a terrible person, but…yeah. Let’s just get into it.

RadicalRainbow (and CosmicaCandy):

Part 1: Joining the Server

When Rainbow joined, I was happy and excited. I could tell they were timid and nervous, enforced by how they thought it would be cool to talk to me at all based on their twitter post. Someone else other than Rainbow tagged me, informing me of their post and I said hi and offered to have them join my server.

There were cute with how shy they seemed. But I also wanted them to not be nervous. They were  the most welcomed I had ever seen in my server yet and they posted a lot.

I thought they might be losing their shyness and I tried to treat them like anyone else. I vouch to treat everyone the same to dispel power dynamics and for those in power to face the same treatment as everyone else. Rarely do I not see power go to someone’s head and I work to be humble and use any power I have responsibly.

That being said, I considered Rainbow and I to be equals. They have a bigger audience than me and were more well known, so I almost considered them to be bigger and have more “power” than me. I didn’t want them to revere me, just to see me as another artist and maybe a friend. I do not look to be feared. I want to be open and approachable.

Part 2: Their Time There

I thought Rainbow’s time in my server was great. Again, they were the most well-received person I had ever seen. Everyone welcomed them. They posted often and people were nice to them.

They soon showed interest in knowing more about my Cult of the Lamb comic, In Spite of You (ISOY). The only ways I allowed people to know more, “spoilers” so to speak, is if they became a top-tier patron of my Patreon or if they did work for me. I eventually offered for them to work for me in exchange for learning about spoilers for ISOY. They accepted and became my ask helper, drawing asks to a script and description I provided. I offered to let them draw what they saw appropriate at the times I felt it didn’t matter. They received their payment for this work in the form of information and images pertaining to things not yet made public about ISOY that otherwise was only available to those that paid to receive it or also worked for me.

I did my best to be kind about asking for changes to their work. I allowed them to keep their watermark on their work despite the fact I didn’t want it there, and if I had been paying money, I definitely would have requested to be removed. A watermark obscuring an image is different than an artist signing their work. I did, and continue to give credit where credit is due.

At one point, I suggested (eagerly) for Rainbow to add their OC Fern to ISOY. They said no and I dropped the idea.

They posted Fern a lot. In the posts it was never said what gender Fern was. Going off of appearances Fern was very feminine coded. They even posted porn of Fern and they had drawn Fern being eaten out. No one had any idea Fern was not female.

In relation to Rainbow posting porn of their character, another server member also made a risque picture of Fern after Rainbow had posted theirs.

I only learned later that they had been uncomfortable with this. I saw no issue as they had posted some themselves. They also never vocalized they did not like porn being made of Fern except by themselves until much later.

When boundaries were brought up they were adhered to. However boundaries cannot be enforced when no one knows about them.

Part 3: Them Leaving

They left on my birthday.

So to get this out of the way, if they mention how their information is visible and thus should be respected, they are a hypocrite. My birthday is also visible across many platforms, yet despite apparently looking so highly upon me they left my server and was not able to be immediately contacted on that exact day. People don’t look that deep. People are lazy. You aren’t that special. I know I’m not, which is why I do not blame them for leaving on my birthday. However I will blame them or anyone if they try to claim having your information “easily” and publicly available makes me or anyone else not knowing if someone is gay, bi, trans, autistic, ADHD, a gender, how old they are, their race and so on is “disrespectful” and thus purposefully doing it. Having that information out there does not mean everyone knows it by default. Again, you are not that special.

Rainbow sent a message finally telling everyone that Fern was non-binary then left right afterwards.

I got in contact with them a few days later. I could no longer talk to them on Discord after they left because we didn’t share a server anymore and they blocked contact from non-friends and server-mates. It was understandable, we hadn’t added each other as friends and shared no other servers. I contacted them through tumblr instead.

When I could talk to Rainbow again, they told me there were three reasons why they left: Fern being misgendered, Lazy and Nova.

Now let me reiterate, Rainbow told no one that Fern was non-binary until maybe a few hours to even only some minutes before they left my server. No one refuted them correcting this, no one gave grief or hate, no one even had a chance to adjust to this information before they decided that they were going to leave over it anyway.

I do not care that Fern is non-binary. I am not saying Fern is a woman. I support that choice for that character.

Can anyone be blamed for misgendering them, though? A very heavily female coded character is presented. They are referred by the creator only as “they” but that does not instantly click for people to then ask about the character’s gender. If you try to claim you do, you are a liar. Males and females can be referred to as “they” as well. It is not an exclusive pronoun to non-binary people.

People, including myself, referred to Fern as a girl. Rainbow never corrected this.

My server is not a place LGBTQ+ is heavily enforced or being pertinent to knowing these things about people. It is up to the individual to ask or relay such information. I do not have an introductions channel or a channel to introduce OCs etc.

I noticed how upset Rainbow was becoming about Fern being misgendered to the point they made posts on their blog about Fern being non-binary and how female (and male) presenting characters can also be non-binary. I agree with this!

However we cannot expect people to be mind readers. We cannot expect people to go learn all the information about you and especially not about your character(s). It takes time for people to adjust to changes, especially those who are autistic or ADHD. Autism makes changes hard, and ADHD makes it hard to remember. However everyday people also can have troubles too and you cannot expect instant change.

There is also the fact that non-binary pronouns don’t even exist in some languages. So someone’s first language may cause them to not adjust quickly to the information. (For example: Shamura’s pronouns in French are he/him because non-binary does not exist in the language.) Some languages even gender objects.

You have to understand it is you against the world if you decide to get mad about people not knowing your character’s pronouns or gender, even your pronouns or gender. It must be shared, sometimes explicitly, and then a grace given for those that fumble. It is not a slight against you if someone slips up accidentally.

I say all this because this is what I was trying to say to Rainbow. I had less words and I admit I came on strong. I simply wanted to help. I didn’t want them to get stuck in the trap of thinking everyone is disrespecting them on purpose. It’s far more complex than that and sadly they are not that important.

I did say that they were upset about just a character. A character being misgendered upset them so much. It felt ridiculous to me. It wasn’t about them. None of the misgendering was malicious. But I should have approached it another way. I did not mean to dismiss their feelings, just to try and get them to see it in a different light. I wanted to apologize for how I approached the situation and I unfortunately let my frustrations out during our talk. You can go see yourself that I never insulted them or their beliefs. I didn’t even state how ridiculous I thought it was.

This whole situation is ridiculous and I don’t understand how it got this big other than malicious intent on Rainbow’s part and/or encouragement from their friends and acquaintances to make it bigger than it needed to be.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

I will address them mentioning Nova next. They only told me two things: One, they didn’t like that Nova drew a pin up of Fern and two, Nova made sexual implications to them in DMs.

I asked if they ever told Nova they didn’t like these things. They said no. What can be done if you don’t even tell someone they are bothering you?

I basically returned this. They needed to speak up and tell him to stop. If he continued afterwards then it shows he has malicious intent and is being disrespectful. Then I can get involved. I am not going to talk for them.

I know all of the drama around Nova and I will address it later in this post.

Lastly is Lazy.

The entire time Rainbow was in the server Lazy was also there. He was a mod, even. They interacted, even if it was only Lazy commenting on their artwork.

However Lazy wasn’t named Lazy Lamb at the time, he was named LewdLamb. No, it wasn’t to cover up his identity, it was a left over joke when I changed his name to HornyLamb and then he altered it to LewdLamb.

Something tells me Rainbow didn’t know Lazy was Lazy until he got demoted from mod status and left for a few days to cool down. When he returned and since then, he has reverted back to being Lazy Lamb.

This is where “boundary crossing” came into Rainbow and mine’s talk.

They told me Lazy was a bad person. “Many” people were hurt by him. I know about the debacle Cosmica caused against him. I do not believe how he acted towards Cosmica at the time was okay. However, I was also on the other side of it. I talked to Lazy and people she mistook for Lazy. She hurt them too.

But back to the conversation with Rainbow. I asked for proof of who and how he hurt them. Who else besides Cosmica had he hurt, because I did not know of him hurting anyone else. I heard about how he “bothered” others and how people listened to Cosmica and decided to block him, but nothing else.

They refused to answer, both on their past or of anyone else. They claimed it was not their place to speak for others, however how can I take the claim as true if I’m not shown proof or at least given a name of these other “victims” of his? I pressed because this was a serious matter. They were accusing my former mod of terrible things. I have a community I am responsible for. I did want to try to convince Rainbow to return to my server as well at the time, so I also wanted to dispel their worries and to fix the issues they were bringing up.

They kept trying to shut down the conversation. I wouldn’t allow it. They had brought up concerning things about my members and it needed to be addressed. I was willing to wait hours, days, until they could be calm and collect their thoughts. I encouraged them to take time to think. It is not evident in the screenshots because of the erasing of the hourly timestamps, but every time they said no and I urged for them to calm and think, they would return 30 minutes to an hour later once again telling me no and to fully drop the subject. I wouldn’t allow the subject to never be talked about again, it was too important to leave. Apparently my insistence was boundary crossing. To a degree, I agree. They asked me to stop and I did at the time, telling them to take their time and we’ll talk later. But they wanted to never speak of it again and I couldn’t allow that. Alas, it was important for me to learn what was going on and they were the accuser. They gave themselves the burden of proof by making such claims.

I wanted to help them. Help them be less insecure, to advocate for themselves, to speak up about their problems and to understand that the world isn’t out to get them, that there’s a lot of nuance to life. I do believe I came on strong. I should have been gentler. There is only so much one can do for someone convinced they’re a victim though. Someone who doesn’t want help and would prefer to stay in their comfort bubble, always being told they’re in the right and the world is just evil; not that they should also be understanding, open minded and seek solutions instead of retribution. They were arguably surrounded by people telling them to be the way they are, which leads me to what happened next.

(A note before that: I was once “asked” ((it was accusatory and shitty but anyway)) why Rainbow needed to be in my server. Looking back, I can see that it wasn’t necessary for them to return. However at the time not only did I not understand why they left, I wanted to then resolve the problem. They were telling me bad people were in my server leading them to leaving. I wanted them, and everyone to be comfortable and that is a reason I persisted.)

Part 4: A Talk With Cosmica

After probably another hour of silence, I suddenly found myself in a group conversation with Rainbow and Cosmica, of all people.

Allow me to preface this. I am not a fan of Cosmica. She has hurt many of my friends and otherwise is a class A bully of the CoTL community. I do not like her. I was wary of her from day one of joining this community and she has only strengthened my belief in that she is a terrible person over time. She is extremely judgemental, attention seeking, dramatic and weaponizes her audience to serve these terrible habits.

And she was brought to me to “tell her side” of the conflict with Lazy that led Rainbow to decide he wasn’t a good, or even an okay, person to be around.

I already knew what happened with her and Lazy. I told Rainbow this before being brought into a conversation with the woman herself. I didn’t need to hear her extremely judgemental side again, that was also public for everyone to see anyway.

I do not agree that what Lazy did towards Cosmica after being banned was okay. He should have left her alone.

But what led to him being banned was the most intolerant act I had ever seen. He was rightfully confused and mad. It does not justify his actions afterwards, however I do not condone Cosmica’s way of handling what was frankly just an awkward situation. He had no malicious intent. He was just kinda weird and he was punished for it and it’s sickening.

I did my best to keep my cool talking to Cosmica. She didn’t know everything. And I wanted to be open for Rainbow.

It was in this conversation that Cosmica told me of Rainbow’s pronouns. I was never told them, I said that. Another instance of Rainbow not advocating for themselves.

In fact, the entire chat was Cosmica talking for them. She told me I scared Rainbow. About the pronouns. About how Lazy had done something directly to Rainbow that they hadn’t told me about. How was I to do anything if I wasn’t being informed?

I was given a screenshot of what misdoings Lazy did to Rainbow. I disagree that it was anywhere near bad enough for Rainbow to want to run away from his presence.

He messaged them after he had been banned from a second server Cosmica had recently joined. Rainbow banned him, they were a mod with the privilege to ban. He asked why and they attempted to be vague but he hit the nail on the head that Cosmica had gone to Rainbow and “warned” them about him. They took Cosmica’s word at face value and banned Lazy without further investigation.

Disgusting.

He got mad at them for banning based on hearsay of the past and specifically because of his nay-sayer, Cosmica. He should not have “yelled” (used all caps) but you know what? I would be mad too if some bully of mine got me banned from somewhere without me being able to make my case and have recourse.

I told them both I didn’t find it so bad. Lazy has anger issues. We (Lazy and I) have gotten into “yelling” matches (via text) and we still could be friends and, oh, I dunno, talk things out? What he did wasn’t okay but how both Cosmica and Rainbow handled their situations were gross overreactions and he had a right to be angry.

On the topic of what Lazy did to Cosmica, I wanted to correct her that the reason she called out Lazy by name wasn’t his doing. I knew one of the others that contacted her during that time and they were worried what she was posting about was of them.

Well. Cosmica knew that it wasn’t Lazy. She figured out it was an old stalker of hers and Lazy had left her alone all this time. Did she ever correct this? Did she send me a link to her call out post (which she had ready to give to me instantly, even though she “deleted it but it’s been reblogged and she can’t delete those”--woman, you shouldn’t know where to find those anymore if you actually cared to stop this conflict) and then give me an immediate addendum that Lazy had been innocent in that situation? NO. Instead of admitting as publicly as she “called out” Lazy of her blunder, she kept it quiet and allowed his reputation to be ruined further, even straight to my face in this new instance. She wants him to continue to suffer.

So to recap: All Lazy did was talk about his dead pets at an inappropriate time which led to him being banned because he was “weird.” No correction. No recourse. He tried to contact Cosmica afterwards to ask why he was banned and to beg to be let back in. He got mad when she denied to explain nor revert the ban and he started to ban-evade and cuss at her. This is the only thing he did wrong in this situation in my opinion--but everyone will want to think this behavior makes them right in banning him--no it wasn’t.

She eventually became his aggressor. When he gave lament for how he acted towards her to someone who was apparently her friend, she unblocked him and told him off.

Then her stalker came back. She thought it was Lazy, but never confirmed it was him and later confirmed it was the stalker instead. She even claimed blocking Lazy’s IP address to keep him from contacting her, but that’s not something anyone can do. You can’t block people’s IP addresses from coming into contact with yours. You can block an IP address from accessing a website, but not being able to contact you. Plus, even if that was possible, VPNs exist. Regardless, I take her saying that as just another way of trying to be dramatic.

It took a third party to get Cosmica to talk to Lazy and inevitably for her to back off.

But let’s not forget she’s the victim! :)

Anyhow. With this and saying what he said to Rainbow wasn’t so bad, Cosmica (remember, she’s the only one talking this whole time) said that being “triggered” once is enough. In certain situations, I agree. And I must add I do not think Cosmica should “forgive” Lazy and they should reconcile. Rainbow overreacted and abused their power in my opinion, but I also do not think they should have to be friends with Lazy. I encouraged them to block him (and Nova) if they returned to my server. They cared too much about it being noticed that they would be ignoring the two. That could have been dealt with had it become a problem. I am the admin of my server, I take care of these issues. They didn’t trust me to do my job. Probably because of how they abused their power as a mod and how they have observed others do the same. It’s sad. They’re surrounded by people who back stab each other the moment they hear nay-say. It’s disgusting. However they participate so I can’t feel bad for them anymore. I’ll go over that more later…

The end of the conversation came. I relented. Fine. Rainbow didn’t need to come back to my server. I didn’t feel things had been resolved yet, but at least things could be over for now. I told my discontent with this ending and how my respect for Cosmica was on the floor but she earned some of it to lift it up a bit higher than it was.

This was when Rainbow finally spoke when not prompted to. They told me they quit and to never speak to them or “their friends” again. They removed Cosmica from the chat, then themselves.

Thank you for that, Rainbow. Now neither of you can screenshot our conversation and spin it against me. I don’t have access to it anymore either, so I’m recounting everything from memory. I like to think I have a very good memory though, and I stand by the truth. Everyone did something wrong, but none of it was deserving of what has come out of it.

I left it at that. I did not try to contact either of them again. (Okay. I shut Cosmica up when she vague posted about Lazy. She so kindly deleted the post and blocked me. That was it though.)

Then, MONTHS later, the debacle with Nova happened and Rainbow dragged me into it. :)

Part 4: The Call Out Post

I will talk on Nova later. We’re focusing on Rainbow right now, the one that started all of this.

And their “call out” post of me is where it started. They posted our private conversations and claimed I used them with my status (allow me to reiterate, I am LESS popular than them) and crossed their boundaries.

THAT’S IT.

Why, WHY couldn’t this have been talked about privately? If they still had an issue with me, my DMs were wide open. I never blocked them. Anywhere. They only blocked me on Discord. And instead of contacting me to talk things out, they followed the bandwagon of their toxic friends and attempted to slander me because I hurt their feelings.

I did try to ask for us to talk. I was sorry about what and how things happened. But I was RESPECTING THEIR BOUNDARY to not talk to them anymore before this. I only contacted them to plead to just take down their post and let’s talk. This was ridiculous. Why do you want to slander me? Why do you feel the need to make this private matter public? I was mildly on the defensive when contacting them, being very stern and professional because I know how these people work. I did hope being that way would make them back down. It was still a request and a bid for them to see reason. I should know better from a teenager to surrender when goaded on by such a toxic community, though. I wanted to hope.

They would not talk. I was dog-piled. Rumors began to spread about me. False rumors. Rainbow reblogged everything negative they could find about me. I could not win, I couldn’t even try to come to a truce. They stonewalled me.

I was sorry. I wanted to help. Alas there is only so much I can do with an uncooperative party. I shouldn’t have asserted to be help, I know. I can’t help it. I cared about them, I wanted better for them. But not everyone wants helps and facing the truth of your flaws can be seen as mean.

I am sorry for how I acted. But I am no longer sorry for anything else. They brought this upon themselves by not letting sleeping dogs lie and not reaching out to talk privately and maturely. They went nuclear to a very small, trivial situation and I refuse to pity them for deciding to attack instead of being diplomatic.

Talk out your problems. Tell people you have issues. Advocate for yourself. COMMUNICATE.

Of course it doesn’t end here though.

Part 5: I’m An Art Thief

No.

No I’m not.

I never was.

As I was attempting to deal with this whole absurd situation and my newfound attackers, I soon got anonymous asks on my comic blog telling me to take down the art Rainbow had done for me. I declined. It was not some random person’s place to tell me to do anything. I’m sure one of those anonymous asks was Rainbow but I refused because unlike everyone else in this community, I don’t listen to hearsay.

Rainbow eventually asked, via an ask, to take down their artwork.

I offered a deal. They take down their post about me and I’ll take down their art. They refused. I attempted to give reason. They basically just attacked me. I wasn’t going to roll over and let them have their way simply because they demanded it.

They went nuclear again. Posting about how I was refusing to take down the art and was a thief.

Let’s get one thing straight. Rainbow agreed to work for me. They received payment for the work they did. I had a right to keep that artwork up.

On top of that, I wasn’t slandering them. They had a watermark on the work. I credited them. I didn’t say a THING about them after our fall out.

Now before you say they made the art for me because they wanted to do it and so it doesn’t matter what payment they got, try saying that to a business and see where that gets you. THEY AGREED. THEY RECEIVED PAYMENT. IT IS NON-REFUNDABLE. Just because payment wasn’t monetary doesn’t mean it wasn’t a payment. You all would agree I have a right to that artwork had I paid with money, so why is this different? It is known as bartering and it is a legitimate payment method.

I did not explain this well in the moment to Rainbow or my aggressors when trying to give the reason I wasn’t budging. I am not good at arguing. It is very hard for me to formulate thoughts and points in the moment. I tried my best to state my case in the comments of the call out post and its reblogs.

You can’t take back goods you have been paid for simply because you no longer like the person. You, Rainbow, feigning ignorance does not make this fact go away.

But congrats. You still ripped your work away from me and have effectively stolen from ME now, via abusing the copyright system. I would have fought it if it had not been for the wording of the recourse saying I believed the claim to be a mistake. Because it wasn’t. It was absolutely purposeful. Congratulations on abusing the system like all the other scum does on youtube, falsely claiming things as theirs, then due to how busted the system is, most creators are fucked about getting it appealed. I was fucked because despite it being your art, I PAID FOR IT. I have a right to it. You agreed to this!

You are despicable. If I were not one strike away from my account being deleted because of you and/or I had the means to fight it, that art would be back up out of spite.

If you had come to me to talk things out, and had asked me to take the art down then I would have done it, having paid for it or not. I might’ve tried to reason with you to not do it. There was no point in my eyes. It wasn’t hurting you in any way to keep your art on my page. You were getting free publicity, you got credit, I didn’t slander you. Other than you not liking me and being petty in not wanting me to have something of yours on my page, I see absolutely no reason to need to take it down. It was a winning situation for you, Rainbow, but you clearly care too much about what others think and about getting revenge.

Let me reiterate too, that this entire time Rainbow did not block me anywhere else. They were hoping to use my responses in their slander against me. You learn from the best, don’t you? I used to think you were a victim of Cosmica and co. But now you’ve graduated to being one of them. Enjoy your tiny bubble of comfort, thinking everyone is out to get you. You bring it upon yourself. Congratulations on not only abusing the copyright system but also your own audience and connections, just like the drama queen herself. I will rue the day they all turn on you at the drop of a hat like they do with everyone else.

Learn to communicate and that people can’t read your damn mind.

Eventually I had enough as the rumors got worse and I blocked Rainbow and everyone involved in the situation in hopes of saving my mental health.

(Formerly) NovaArtz:

I need to bring up Nova because he was a part of this, even if it was only a catalyst to bringing a spotlight on me.

Let’s get some things straight: What Nova did to others was not okay. It was borderline, if not full on creepy, especially what he said to Cosmica. I do not condone him being so crass about sexual advances and content sharing.

People have done far worse and what he did was overblown, especially the part where he “targeted minors.” Guys. He didn’t. Just like I (and you, and everyone else) don’t go hunting down everyone’s gender and birthday, he didn’t know the ages of those he hurt that were minors. And, as soon as he found out their ages, he disengaged and stopped talking to them--at least in a sexual manner.

It does not absolve him of what he did. I still think it was wrong. However y’all need to get off your gossip trains for one second and look at the whole picture once in a while.

Speaking of gossip trains, I was also slandered for this debacle as well. I was shown the accusation Cosmica posted about Nova that started this whole mess in my server. As I was reading through it still, I commented how people can’t take a joke.

Let me explain. Firstly, I do not consider Cosmica a good person as stated before. She creates drama left and right, and as such, I take everything she says with a massive pile of salt. I was already rolling my eyes at her pointing a finger at Nova. While I was ready to not believe her, I was still investigating the situation to form my own opinion.

Secondly, I had, again, still been reading through everything but I was making comments as I read. The particular moment I have been having thrown at me telling me I’m a terrible person for, I was reacting in the moment. I was groaning at someone who had made a claim against Nova, particularly trying to say he “targeted minors” as she was one. He, at one point, replied to one of her posts talking about how she was tired, didn’t want to go to bed, or something along those lines. His reply was of an image of a tranquilizer gun with him “threatening” her to go to bed. It. Was. A. Joke. She was showing this particular interaction as a strike against his character. I thought it was funny. So I said that in my server: People can’t take jokes these days.

Everything I said in my server at that time was a knee-jerk, in the moment reaction. And guess what? Someone else had a knee-jerk reaction to my reaction and decided to take my developing opinion comments, screenshot them and throw them in my face, claiming I thought everything Nova did was “just a joke.” I do not think that. To take my words out of context like that is ridiculous and one of the many things wrong with this damn community, and the internet as a whole.

One more time. Nova did wrong. He has said he will change. I, personally, am giving him the opportunity to change and the moment he has proven he hasn’t, he is just as admonished from my server as he has been everywhere else. However, that also means people need to speak up (looking at you, Rainbow) to both their aggressors and tell the people that can help them.

FoxBoiTunes:

I know close to nothing of what FoxBoi is like, but what I do know is that they are a hypocrite and a liar.

Pretty much as soon as my talk with Cosmica (and Rainbow was there too) was over, they announced their leave in my server. I tried to pretend it wasn’t related and tried to ask why they wanted to leave. It got brought up that they “didn’t want to get involved in drama” and yet chose a side without hearing both.

It’s so gross how this community expects everyone to be just as disgusting as them. But honestly, I’m an outlier, a black sheep if you will, though no one believes me.

FoxBoi, you actively participated in “the drama” by taking action.

Then after Rainbow made their call out post, you not only participated in “the drama” again by sharing our brief, private conversation, but then you shared a complete and utter blatant lie in an attempt to slander me.

You claimed that I did what I “did” to you by asking why someone left. Fair. I asked like two other people the same before. However the lie comes in where you state this “friend” of yours had left because I shared an image depicting rape, and I was going after them for it?

This. NEVER. Happened.

Not once have I posted an image OR story of rape in my server. I have never “gone after someone” for leaving my server, especially not in that kind of manner like I was attempting to silence or shame them. I asked why in hopes of seeing if I can make something better for them to return. If I received a no, I accepted it and moved on. So, either your “friend” was lying to get in on the “me too” pick-mes of drama or YOU lied for that exact reason.

You decided not only to participate in the drama like the hypocrite you are, but you added fuel to the fire with blatant lies. You are disgusting. I don’t care if you weren’t the one to make it up, the fact you spread it without proof just to make me more of a villain is despicable and are everything wrong with the culture you and your SJW friends perpetuate in this community.

You outright refuse to hear both sides of a situation even when offered and then share whatever drivel you hear at face value, not caring if it’s true or not. It feeds your confirmations bias so you believe it without looking into it. Or assuming this “friend” of yours doesn’t exist, YOU hope people take your lies at face value to keep that juicy dopamine and serotonin inducing drama flowing for you to see the carnage of.

You are deplorable. I will never speak to you again, even if you realize the mistake you made and the harm you cause and perpetuate. Even if you come to me groveling to apologize. You are undeserving.

Fuck you.

KaiFan

I don’t have much to say about KaiFan, but I bring them up because they brought me up.

I have this person blocked, along with Rainbow and co because they would rather listen to the gossip train than learn about the situation, ask questions and form their own opinions.

I groveled to you already. You have always been passive aggressive and it was what caused me to lose my patience with you in the past. I have apologized for this. I will not continue to grovel.

I never knew how much you looked up to me and I am not going to take responsibility for the image of me you created alone, on your own time, in your own head.

I did have a cancer scare. When I brought it up, I was not trying to shut down the conversation, I was trying to get you to understand what I am putting aside to try to help you and you were being, well, passive aggressive. I let the conversation end when you volunteered it because I knew my patience was already gone and I didn’t want to make you feel worse. I did want to help you. I let my observations boil until you gave me permission to tell you them, and I did not handle it well letting it out. That part was my fault, I admit that.

Continuing about how I spoke of cancer in the past: I don’t know when this was, but when I spoke about cancer before my own scare, it was likely about my Gramma. Who is dead. Because of cancer. I was likely trying to relate, not take over the conversation. That is a very autistic thing to do, to mention one’s own experiences as a way to relate.

I won’t condone you spreading rumors and lies about me, KaiFan, which is why I blocked you. You had me right there to talk to about all of this. You had every opportunity to ask me what was going on and to tell me your thoughts and feelings. Instead you chose to hop on the bandwagon and make everything public. I won’t allow that to happen again.

I hope you get better, however you still need to be a better person too.

Finally, I “Encourage Incest”

While this doesn’t have to do with Rainbow or the rest of the situation, as I am currently trying to defend myself I thought it relevant to put this here as well.

So. Yeah. This is ridiculous. No I do not.

Not once have I done this. Please, I challenge you to find anywhere I have said “you should fuck your sister/brother/mother/father etc,” or “check out incest bro it’s great,” or any derivative of that.

This community baffles me with its so-called morals. Just because I say it should be okay (not that I do) to ship the Bishops with each other (whom are not blood related) or Baal or Aym with Narinder, everyone gets their moral panties in a knot and claims incest. I have not said you should ship these characters. I have not said you need to. I have not said I want to. It should simply be okay to. They are not blood related! Get over it!

I am also not saying you should ship actual incestuous pairings, like Baal and Aym with each other, with their mom, Clauneck with Chemach or Kudaii. And, y’know what, if you come across people that do, leave them alone because they’re fictional fucking characters and let people have fun??

It is great if you see the Bishops as family! If you see Baal and Aym as adoptive sons to Narinder! I can see that too! I do like them as a family! I’m just saying if people do ship them together (or in my case are simply okay with it), it, firstly, is not “encouraging incest” and secondly shouldn’t be so damn polarizing as it is! How is it that a game that has: alcohol, drugs, brainwashing, murder, abortion (by some people’s standards), forced and arranged marriage, sex, arranged sex, indoctrination, cannibalism, slavery, stealing, trafficking, nudism, polygamy, polyamory, and I could go on, that perceived and by definition not actual incest is the line everyone draws as being the worst thing ever?

Get over yourselves and let people have fun!

Last words

I am not a saint. I am not innocent in all of this. I know I have done wrong. What came of my blunders was blown way out of proportion though. All of this should have been a series of private conversations. Instead we have everyone reveling in the drama they create and enjoying others being hurt.

All comments on this post, regardless of what they say, will be deleted. I will not accept limited character discussion about this. Either you need to reblog this in its entirety or talk to me privately if you want to make comments. I will block people the moment they show they are not coming to talk and only want to throw insults and accusations.

Please, learn to communicate. Talk things out. Give chances. Understand.

No one mentioned needs to forgive me, to forgive others, to be forgiven. I don’t believe in forgiveness. Alas, I do believe in understanding and moving on, and doing so in a mature and calm manner. But as this was made a public matter, I needed to explain what happened as my aggressors will never own up to such things.

I will do my best to learn and grow from this. I want to be better. It is hard though. I am far from perfect. I want to do right by the people that look up to me, alas it is those that looked up to me and found I wasn’t up to the image they made of me that this whole situation started. Don’t look up to me. I am an imperfect, struggling human being with anxiety, depression and autism. I am not strong. I will keep going though.

Thank you for your time.

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Hello, here I come to request again.

Giyuu x Kanae in the academy au? Like Giyuu and her eating lunch together maybe?

EYY GIYUUKANA!! gonna be honest, ive only shipped them through sanemi (so, sanekanagiyuu of smth) so ive never written or drawn anything with them BUT ILL GLADLY ADD THEM TO MY SILLY RAREPAIR SHIPS <3 / idk if you can tell but i got carried away writing this 😭 i forgot to make them eat lunch together :(

Giyuu was always so quiet and apart from the rest of the teachers. He’d always been like that, seeming to prefer his solitude—which was a bit odd considering his profession was to be in the same room of, like, 30 students per hour. Many of the students and teachers have described him as… less than pleasant to speak to. The students complained mostly because Giyuu had somewhat put himself in the duty of telling off the children who strayed from rules. But despite the negative comments towards Giyuu, he had his own small, adorable sides. The ones where he was more than a self-isolated man who liked chasing children through the halls. Sides that he seemed to allow only a select few to see. Kanae was one of them.

Most of the time, it was intentional. Letting the softer sides of himself slip out. But there were a couple times he wasn’t even aware Kanae had witnessed. For example, the first time she saw him smile.

It was late in the day, with only one or two students left. Really, they were only there because they were either one of the staff’s children or younger sibling. Kanae was leaving now, having gotten a text from Shinobu that she needed to be picked up. As she made her way out of the school, she spotted Giyuu standing beside a woman who resembled him. Intending to greet Giyuu—or say goodbye—Kanae had stepped forward. Before she managed to say anything, she registered a smile that seemed to light up Giyuu’s entire face. It was kind and content and softened his features, contorting the usually stoic face into something like a soothing day. As if she had seen something she wasn’t meant to, Kanae left, ducking away and pretending that she’d never made the fleeting detour that had her conjuring the smile in her head for the whole way towards Shinobu’s university.

At the time, it had felt wrong. Like she’d intervened into something personal, something only for Giyuu and the woman whom she’d learned to know as Giyuu’s older sister. But as time had passed, Giyuu began to relax around Kanae. And, eventually, he did smile. At her. Because she had always been so kind to him, despite the complaints he had received from others. She had never shared them. She had only offered him company and food and, well, smiles. He was still quiet, of course, that came inevitably, no matter who he spoke to. But his silence came comfortably, less tense, around Kanae. So they were able to sit together and not worry about how quiet Giyuu was being, not worry about trying to make conversation. And, with how much time they spent with each other now, Kanae could speak without wondering if Giyuu was actually listening, able to discern his reactions. They were subtle but there. She appreciated the fact that he would listen to her rant, regardless of if he found it interesting or not (she could tell when he was uninterested and found it amusing that he wasn’t in the least aware she could do that).

Given how different they were, it did come as a surprise for the rest of the teachers when they caught on with the fact that the two were constantly around each other. The contrast was easy to see and no one would deny that they were an unlikely pair. But at any questions about it, Kanae would simply say, “Opposites attract!” with a smile. She also used that as her explanation for when Giyuu asked why she bothered speaking to him. He’d asked enough times for her answer to become something like a tease—now accompanied by a mischievous grin and followed by a sigh from Giyuu, who actually didn’t mind.

Their friendship became something very treasurable, both caught up in the peace they found with each other. So much so that when Giyuu spoke one day, a rarity in general, they were both caught completely by surprise by his words. His own eyes widened much more than Kanae’s, a hand clamping over his mouth. But after Kanae got over it, a smile made itself known. If she were being honest, she had begun to see him in a different light. She hadn’t said anything, not quite willing the risk in mentioning it. Clearly, Giyuu hadn’t meant to say it either, his panic stirring in the way he scrambled to correct himself, shaking his head as if arguing with himself. But Kanae was quick to calm him, saying, gently, that the feeling was reciprocated—mutual in the way she also didn’t want to do anything to their friendship. Nevertheless, they did settle on something. Something that wasn’t completely a romantic relationship, but could never only be friendship. Something without a label, just for them, just for the soothing of the heart that appeared when they were together. Because Giyuu and Kanae fit like two puzzle pieces, clicking immediately without a second thought.

idk how to end things but uhm this was so fun to write expect more of them<3

[haphazardlyannotated]

Prompt: Consider a vindictive Pearl who guilt trips and trolls the diamonds at every opportunity. She goes on long rants, saying all the things she wishes she could have said in Era 1. She may not be able to stab the diamonds like she wants, but she's gotta avenge Pink (and herself) somehow.

Pearl had spent the first three thousand years of her existence hearing the other Diamonds berate Pink.

The way she ran her colony, how she talked to "lesser" gems, even when she dared to talk- it seemed like there was no aspect of Pink her fellow Diamonds couldn't strenuously disapprove of.

Pearl remembered countless times Pink's shoulders had slumped, her bright eyes dimmed with just a few sharp words, until Rose stood in front of Pearl, telling her that Blue and Yellow had never cared about her with a conviction that wasn't even resigned anymore.

The memories had been burned into Pearl's mind with helpless fury for millenia.

So honestly, when Blue and Yellow Diamond showed up on Earth, nearly killed Steven AGAIN, and then had the audacity to talk about Pink like they hadn't made her life a living hell for as long as Pearl had known her, and when Blue Diamond then grimaced at the moss Rose had once painstakingly tended to and loudly wondered what Pink could have possibly seen in this planet- well, Pearl couldn't be blamed for indulging in just the tiniest crumb of revenge.

"Well, she liked food, for one thing," Pearl said with the perfect, bland smile of a good, subservient pearl. She caught Amethyst's eye and was met with such complete understanding that by all rights they should have formed Opal on the spot. "I'm sure Amethyst will be happy to prepare some for you," Pearl continued, watching Amethyst struggle to contain a giant grin. "She's an expert in human nourishments."

Amethyst's creation was a precarious tower of everything in their fridge, some of it still in the packaging, liberally seasoned with engine oil.

Blue and Yellow Diamond, regretably, ended up deciding they didn't want to connect with Pink's past that badly, but the sheer vindictive delight Pearl felt at their expressions when Amethyst presented her masterwork to them (and then proceeded to swallow it whole when it became clear the Diamonds weren't going to) lasted her the whole day.

_

Pearl had intended for it to be a one off.

It should have been a one off, especially considering how badly they all needed the Diamond's goodwill to have any hope of healing their corrupted friends.

Unfortunately, Pearl had not anticipated how much being a pearl on Homeworld again would grate.

She hadn't been prepared for how angry it would make her to be once again looked at like a mindless possession, a trinket to adorn an owner.

She'd fought for her freedom in the war for hundreds of years, and thousands more in her own mind. She refused to be pushed back into the mold of what Homeworld thought a pearl should be.

She knew better than to make a grand gesture. Not now. Not when the fate of countless gems depended on it.

But she could keep her posture loose where she was expected to stand like a statue, could speak up unprompted, walk in front of ‚her owner‘ rather than behind him.

Most gems probably wouldn’t even notice, let alone know what a rebellion these little gestures were. But they mattered to Pearl, and when Blue and Yellow Pearl’s eyes flickered to her when they shouldn’t (because stars forbid a pearl showed curiosity for anything other than her owner’s amusement!) Pearl knew they at least had noticed.

Watch me, Pearl told them with every time she raised her voice like that, moved her feet just so. I am a pearl and they hold no power over me. They tried to destroy us, but we’re still here and free. You can be, too. They can’t stop us.

Homeworld would never own Pearl again, and if she had anything to say about it, it wouldn’t keep owning anyone else for long either.

_

When it was all over, the Diamonds approached Pearl on the beach in front of the temple.

They tried to seem casual. They failed utterly.

„Hello… Pearl,“ White Diamond greeted her, with an expression like treating Pearl like a person was the most perplexing task she’d ever put her mind to.

Pearl tilted her head a fraction to indicate she was listening. She had no inclination to play the accomodating servant. If White Diamond wanted something from her, she would have to figure out how to ask herself.

In the end it was Blue Diamond who spoke up.

„We know that we failed Pink,“ she began, an admission so utterly unexpected it briefly gave Pearl the sensation of being in the wrong form. „We would like to do better with Steven.“

That too was unexpected. The Diamonds Rose and Pearl had run away from would never have considered even the possibility that they could be flawed, let alone need to do better.

Rose, Pearl thought. Look at this. We changed them. Your son changed them.

Out loud she only said

„That’s nice.“

Yellow Diamond cleared her throat impatiently.

„We were hoping you would have some insights,“ she said.

Once again, Pearl felt like the ground had been pulled away beneath her feet.

If someone, even Garnet, had told her a year ago that the Diamonds would stand in front of her, admitting that what they’d done to Rose had been wrong, asking Pearl for advice - she would have thought it absurd.

The Diamonds she’d known would have sooner shattered their entire courts than admit their own faults. The fact that they were willing to put all of this, everything they had spent millenia trying to embody away for the sake of Rose’s memory and Steven’s future…

Rose had been wrong, too, Pearl realised. The other Diamonds had loved her. They’d done it badly, without ever truly seeing her, but they’d loved her all the same.

And now they wanted to learn to do it right.

Maybe Pearl could forgive them one day. Maybe.

Not today though.

„Well, for one thing,“ Pearl said, „I think Steven enjoys not being locked in an empty room for years on end.“

[animebw]

So I'm gonna try not to make too many comparisons between Sunshine and School Idol Project, cause this is its own series and it can stand or fall on its own merits. But episode 3 is very clearly trying to recapture the magic of SIP's episode 3, with the group's first ever concert toward a mostly empty auditorium as the first big "Oh fuck, all is lost" moment before rallying to a triumphant finish and telling the disapproving student council president that they intend to carry on... and it's just so much weaker in every respect.

Part of that's the repetition itself. A huge part of what made SIP's empty auditorium gut punch work so well is it that it wallops you out of nowhere; none of the other characters bring it up as a possibility beforehand, and while you probably don't expect a very high turnout for this freshly formed idol group, the fact that nobody's there at first is genuinely shocking. And you can't capture that kind of shock a second time now that your audience knows to expect it. Sunshine tries to mix it up with a power line blowing mid-concert as well as the initial low turnout, but the impact just isn't there. Especially when the whole town shows up seconds later.

Which brings me to another point: even when Muse turned it around, their first event was still realistically miniscule. They could count the number of people at that concert on their fingers. But even that small level of support was enough to keep them striving onward and soaring higher until they became icons. Maybe it wasn't the most realistic zero-to-hero story ever, but it grounded their future success with a baseline of how far they had to grow to get to that point. The whole town showing up for Aqours' first concert, on the other hand? I'm sorry, no matter how close-knit a rural community might be, I don't but that much support for them right off the bat. I can't root for that success as easily because it doesn't feel nearly as believable. Muse made a sub-ten-person audience count feel electric; Aquors packing its stadium full just feels cheap.

And as for that big confrontation with the student council president... look, there's a difference between having that conversation in a mostly empty auditorium and having that conversation in front of an adoring audience. Eri and Honoka's talk made sense in context because they were basically the only people in the room anyway, but Dia's got a whole crowd of people listening to her rant about not liking idols. Imagine how fucking awkward it must be to be in the audience, cheering for these girls on stage, and all of a sudden this weirdo's pushing through the audience telling them they're not gonna make it? Like, what? It just doesn't make sense for Dia to try and have that debate right there and then, nor does it make sense for the audience to have no reaction to it beyond clapping for Aquors. It turns the people in that crowd into faceless window dressing instead of, well, people, and it shatters the reality of the moment just as much as such a big crowd being there in the first place.

(Also I could rant about Eri's reasons for disapproving of Muse making so much more sense than Dia's thus far but I will save that for another day)

Maybe it seems overly nitpicky to spend this many words on a single scene. But I need you to understand that Muse's first concert was the moment I started to love this series. The fact it was able to sucker-punch me so effectively, to make me feel genuinely upset for Honoka and genuinely relieved when they were able to keep their dreams alive, is what made me realize that Love Live might just be something really special. It's what made me realize this series could sink its claws into me and make me care so much more than I ever could have imagined. That scene matters to me. It matters to Love Live. And if Sunshine wants to end up more as than a derivative, it cannot rely on ripping off its predecessor's triumphs without the skill of its own to justify them. It needs to carve its own path without the shadow of School Idol Project hanging over its every decision. And the sooner it starts doing that, the better.

[dearweirdme]

Jungkook doing a whole live to promote jimin album. But nothing for layover. I can't get it🫥.what do you think???

Hi anon!

Aargh, I have a post on that live of Jk’s, but I cannot find it 😭. Basically, imo that live is way more layered than it being a live dedicated to Jimin’s album. I don’t think Jk intended the live to go as it did, but rather it followed a natural course’s, with Jk just doing whatever came up in his mind. I think he contemplated a lot of things about himself in that live, probably inspired by having watched Jm do his solo stuff. Knowing his own solo stuff might be (he wasn’t sure yet then) coming also, I think he started contemplating how he would take all that on.

But Jk ofcourse loves Jm. I think they hadn’t seen each other for quite some time at that point, so he probably missed him. Jm posted on weverse shortly before and I feel that is what got Jk the idea to watch Suchwita with all of us. I think it was a burst of fondness caused by him missing his friend and wanting to do something nice. I don’t feel the purpose was to promote Face.

Why not the same for Tae? Well, Jk was in a completely different mindset and phase when Layover came out. During Face Jk was doing very little. He was on weverse live a lot, wanting to share and talk with army a lot. During that time, he also mentioned Tae quite often. I think.. during that period and a while longer.. Jk got increasingly annoyed with shippers trying to pull and push him to mention either Tae or Jm. I think it became something he disliked to the point of him considering saying something about it (enter his comment in one live about not waking up sleeping dogs). With that in mind..

During Layover Jk was already very busy. He wasn’t online as much. He just did Seven, he was busy with his album. And he had plenty experience of shippers blowing up everything he does. Jk mentioned having not done as many lives on purpose at one point, and I think that was something he was advised about. I think Jk had a point at which he contemplated the way he had been doing lives for a bit.. and imo that point was at the same time as Layover dropped. It had nothing to with Tae (I mean why would it? Jk loves Tae, even if they’re not together, he still loves him) but probably everything with Jk himself.

Jk does not think if this situation the way shoppers/fandom does. He does not think: ‘ i did this for Jimin, I should do something for Tae’. Jk just does what he feels like in the moment. Members probably don’t get offended if one of them doesn’t post about their work, though I’m sure it’s greatly appreciated when they do. Tae and Jk have such a bond in private, that I doubt the way they mention each other in public or on sm is something they actually care about.

I feel I ranted a bit. I wish I could find my former post 😂.

[commiegoth]

Okay I finished the hbomb video and yeah yeah "not the point" but something that did strike me was watching it and realizing just how popular Somerton was and how many people were giving him money, and then getting to the section discussing his overt misogyny and insidious transphobia. Like how many people heard him go on rants about women in his videos, and still figured this is a smart dude whose "authority" on critical subjects (stolen work) they could take at face value and not look for more info on the subject, and even gave him money for it? Was his supposed "authority" on speaking for one marginalized group enough for that to be ignorable? Or was it just not something that registered as a bad thing to most people watching his videos? I don't really keep up with youtube, so I hadn't heard of him before this, but it seemed like a lot of the response to the video was people saying they had been a fan of Somerton's "work" before learning about the plagiarism. How much of his misogyny was ignored or absorbed before the blatant plagiarism became the breaking point?

But beyond that, I do think it's important to talk about Somerton's transphobia in particular too because it's not really the kind of thing that his viewers would be able to pick up on. It's not just the outright misgendering, but hbomb's video also brings attention to instances where he takes trans writers' work and passes it off as his own by erasing their personal experiences from the work and even changing passages that speak explicitly about trans erasure to say "LGBTQ" instead of "trans". This is particularly insidious not just because he's outright stealing the scholarship and journalism of the writers who actually put in the work, but he's going out of his way to change their work to decentralize transness from the points they're making in the first place! And as he's positioning himself as an authority on queer film theory in particular, he's skewing his audience's understanding of the topics he covers to be more cis-centric than it was ever intended to be while also disincentivizing them from seeking out other sources. Obviously the fact Somerton is actively contributing to the queer erasure he makes his videos about is The Point of the second half, but it needs to be understood how intentionally he's erasing those whose identities are too different from his own as well. I hope all the people who now want to branch out from Somerton's content realize how important it is to seek out essayists who are trans and/or women in particular so their perspectives are not erased.

[anxiouslyfred]

Cave Visits

For mine and @lostcephalopods dragonau

Summary: Remus and Roman continue visiting Janus's cave, Roman to try and keep an eye on Remus and Remus intent on befriending the water dragon.

Authors note: This has been a busy day so again I haven't written as much as I'd have liked, but I'm happy with having reread most of the posts I could find to remind myself of this au. I'll write something with more of the characters involved in it at some point I'm sure

My idea for today: dragonau - How does Remus get Virgil and Janus to be his friends? When do one of them tell Roman to stop apologising for Remus?

/\/\

Since Virgil had first spoken to Janus he’d formed a specific splash for coming into the cave, although yelled just as often. This time he barely did the splash, as if hoping to remain unnoticed as Janus was pretty sure he knew why: The avali brothers that had arrived the day before.

“So the two avali are still in town, refused to leave and you’re hiding with me; Someone Remus has declared he’ll befriend. Wonderful reasoning, Virgil. I’m sure you’ll definitely avoid them this way.” Janus drawled, settling beside him.

“They’ll disrupt the ecosystem, and I’m not avoiding them. I’m observing them, specifically why one if so set on befriending a dragon. Some dragons eat avali so it has to be mad, which is worse as then I can’t predict how it’ll act or what damage it’ll bring.” Virgil ranted, glare going unseen but evident in his voice.

They hummed lightly, “Oh Remus is definitely mad, but I doubt he’s so unpredictable. In fact, I predict he will come in via another ventilation tunnel, and try to find the kitchen rather than either of us.” They could feel the ripples in the water already so expected the second avali was also coming and probably going to reach them first. That was unexpected.

“Why would he look for the kitchen? You’re lying to me over knowing that birdbrain so well already.” He growled out, voice quiet as if he was trying to listen to the ambient noises while they spoke.

“Because I insisted on coming in the intended entrance you showed me.” Roman replied, surfacing from the water tunnel. “He wants to prank me at every opportunity and probably you both as well since we’re acquaintances now. Apologies for that in advance.”

Janus swung to look just left of Roman, “Why apologise? You are not your brothers keeper, are you?”

“Most people met when we happen to travel together assume I am.” Roman replied easily, “And I did enter your cave and return today in order to avoid him being harmed.”

“But you didn’t get out of the area as I said to. That would avoid it best.” Virgil near snarled. He must be more worried than Janus expected as they rarely saw the procyon-mer so ready to fight for their river.

The avali twittered for a moment, before Janus heard the dripping of his feathers speed, as if he’d bent over or perhaps bowed. “That I will admit was partly due to my own curiosity over how a blind dragon and some form of mer became friends. Would you tell me the story?”

“No.” Virgil huffed, “Leave the area before you damage it.”

“I see perfectly well, thank you. Enough to know foolish folk give honours to those they cannot know if they should be given them, such as bows.” Janus mused, feigning disinterest and wondering if the words would make Roman doubt their blindness.

Before Roman replied however a cackle came from behind them, “You’re blind and I’m your friend.” Remus called, moving fast as he spoke so Janus didn’t try to pretend they could see him.

Virgil let out a low growl, “Just move on with your exploring and leave me river be.”

Janus could only assume neither avali showed signs of following the demand as they settled into chatting, ignoring Virgil.

/\

“Please do apologise needlessly for Remus again. I’m riveted to your words every time.” Janus drawled out, hearing the splash of someone feathered climb out of the water in their cave. It had been 3 weeks since the avali had arrived and they’d both visited everyday.

In all honesty Janus found them amusing now, but the regular apologies Roman repeated were tedious.

“Actually I was wondering if you’d seen him today. His shelter moved.” The voice sounded chipper, as if it was mere curiosity that brought the question, not concern as Janus thought most people felt if their family went missing.

“Can’t you see him right beside me, Roman? It’s clear he’s been here all this time and not exploring whatever caught his interest of the moment.” They didn’t hold back their smug head tilt, or tail waving around the area when hearing the avali moving around them, likely trying to confirm their words.

Sure enough it was only a few moments before Roman spoke again, “Eurgh, maybe I should start jumping in and out. All this swimming will ruin my gorgeous feathers. Also you can simply say he isn’t here rather than lying.”

“Your reactions amuse me, and friends do tease each other, correct?” Janus tried to imitate the wonder Thomas spoke with on some of his visits. They did view these two avali as friends now, and was fairly sure that Virgil did too since the grumbling was less about trying to make them leave now, rather focusing on ensuring they didn’t impact the areas ecosystem too much.

Roman’s breath caught. “I’m humbled by your friendship and gratified to have it. Please also be warned that Remus will be cheering when you mention this to him, since you refuse to let me apologise on his behalf.”

“If he appears in my caves I will do so.” Janus nodded slowly.

[sylenth-l]

How are you feeling about Lightfall? People seem to be very divided on opinions 🤔 I personally hoped for more answered questions 😔😔

Well… I like the most gameplay/ui changes Bungie made in LF, but I don't like the campaign and almost everything about the story. But the thing is, I knew I won't like it when the first details and the updated logo dropped, so it's nothing new. This whole ✨super secret super city with super people✨ just didn't sound exciting for me from the beginning. I thought it looked extremely off for the Destiny setting, not something I'd personally like to see.

(Super subjective opinion below, with spoilers)

Its core idea is what bothers me the most, I guess... Those people from Neomuna gave 0 shit about the whole Solar system outside of their safe bubble for ages. They were chilling in arcades while hundreds, if not thousands, of people on Earth died from starvation and thirst, not even to mention countless wars. Even the Darkness itself arriving wasn't a good enough reason for them to show up, yet when their own asses got in the slightest danger, they're suddenly our besties and expect us to help them asap. Umm… I think such theme deserves at least some controversy and conflict to happen between the two sides, but no, we became friends in a minute and that was it. 

The way we accrue Strand is a joke, it literally just…… lays there in the middle of a random street…... I highly suspect originally it was supposed to be a part of Witch Queen, it would've fit there insanely better. Here it feels just as flat and random as everything else in this dlc. For me LF felt like a half-baked chunk of a different game. Not necessarily a bad one, just… different. You can cut out everything between the first and the last cutscenes and literally nothing will change. It's the most telling sign of the story being not that good, imo.

Tbh I don't feel like going further into the details and turning this post into a huge rant… I can mention a few things I liked instead!

LF had a bunch of excellent cutscenes, those I really enjoyed. The first and the last one ofc, the one with the Witness and Calus, Osiris and Rohan having a good talk, and the moment Caiatl appeared to fight alongside us was really cool. Witness, Osiris and Caiatl in general were the best things in LF for me, I guess. The idea of people living in a virtual space is also VERY interesting and I think Bungie should've gone all the way with it and said Neomuni had a virtual only society this whole time. What if the whole planet itself was modified to be just a huge server, containing data of all people living there? A few "Cloud Striders" could've been the only physical shells they had available for ages, and people could've taken turns in being uploaded into those fully cybernetic bodies, or maybe even several at once (let's say an engineer + a scientist + a warrior), to do the maintence and make sure the servers run as intended. That would've explained their total ignore of everything outside their own planet - they've truly surpassed all other species in the system to the point of not being able to interact with them properly due to the almost total disconnect from the physical world.

Also I get what you say about many unanswered questions. I personally wouldn't have mind it, if the story itself was more exciting/interesting, but sadly for me it wasn't, so the new terms and concepts being thrown around all the time felt irritating and confusing more than intriguing. But since the story campaign has a huge TBC written all over it, we have to just wait and see how it ends.

It's the first dlc i didn't like that much, so yeah… weird feelings. I just hope the next one is better.

[winns-stuff]

Happy Holidays!

Saw your latest post and couldn't agree more. I first saw those panels of Ares chasing and tackling Persephone without context. He looked so menacing that I thought he became an antagonist, might as well since RS made him into such a creep, for a brief moment he was even more terrifying than Kronos. Also the attempted seduction after his reveal was so gross and tone deaf, considering the fact that Persephone still hadn't processed her trauma, or if it happened the reader didn't see it, we're meant to take Apollo's behavior as reprehensible yet Ares being a sleeze is comedic😬?

Thank you, I’ve been saying this forever! There’s such a weird double standard with certain characters which is so weird to me. No one treats Ares tricking Persephone into kissing him seriously even when she was still a minor and he was basically an adult, it’s just very very creepy how they met and I don’t know why but Rachel thought it was a good idea to make a whole joke about it. The first time we ever saw Ares he was crossing boundaries with Persephone and physically touching her while also giving her no personal space even though she was uncomfortable. I know he just wanted to make her upset but the story treats it as such a small thing and brushes off their whole interaction, just for Hades to show up and “save her” which was stupid because he also physically touched Persephone as well.

This is why a lot of people believe that what happened to Persephone in the story was only really made to push Hades and Persephone together more. Here we have multiple guys touching her all without her consent and there’s not even a shred of any sort of traumatic response or anything. She’s irritated yes, and angry about it but it’s all made out to be a joke you can tell because of those stupid fucking faces that she does. It all seems like weird playful banter even though Persephone obviously doesn’t look or feel comfortable with any of it. But then once again after that stressful experience she’s scooped up in the hands of Hades, and he immediately crosses into her personal space. This is like days after what happened to her everyone! Lore Olympus’s timeline is so incredibly short and it only feels long because every single episode is dragged out and full of flashbacks for no reason or real purpose.

Persephone was basically made for men it seems. She needs men to confide in, she tells men everything, she’s comfortable with men, and it’s so incredibly insane to me because there’s barely any men on Demeter’s land. It was filled with nymphs who were women so the fact that she barely even interacts with women is just… Out of character really considering her background. It seems like if we’re not talking about Apollo or if we don’t see him Persephone’s trauma is nonexistent. I know all survivors are different, trust me when I tell you that but this just seems way too unrealistic for me. There’s no way that after everything that happened to Persephone she’s okay with being touched and grabbed by anyone especially men. After days… That’s just insane.. It doesn’t even work like that so it just comes off very disingenuous.

But anyways, I agree with you that all the men should be held at the same standard. It’s obvious to see that Ares is very much obsessed with Persephone (which is a huge fucking eye roll, I know that some say that in the original myth Persephone was wanted by many but this feels so cringe, like incredibly annoying and self absorbed almost considering the circumstances of Lore Olympus) just like Apollo is also, bonus one!!! Hades. They’re all unhealthily obsessed with Persephone and they want her all to theirselves without regarding her emotions. They’re pretty much all the same character really, they’re all very predatory and the fact that people think they’re better is insane to me.

Sorry for this long rant I only intended it to be small, but then I started rambling so.. yeah. But thank you so much, Happy holidays to you too! I hope they’re going good for you!

[yvtro]

Question related to another post

https://at.tumblr.com/yvtro/imo-the-more-interesting-timjason-dynamic-is/0qnzymvlqmbd

How long was Jason dead for and how long was he away for? Because in the comics he always seems to look 15-16 (to me) when he dies but comes back as like a mid 20s guy, which seems odd? Like when he comes back shouldn't it create a situation where he is now closer in age to Tim and even younger than Dick? I mean the guy wasn't aging physically or mentally while dead, he was dead.

i think your question shows very well how much dc fucked up.

tldr: dies at 15, is dead for half a year, catatonic for around a year, lazarus pit, goes back to gotham intending to kill bruce at 17/18 (and resigns), training, becomes red hood at 19 (and this is how old he is in utrh.)

edit: as @tumblingxelian noticed, there’s actually more evidence that jay would be 18 (or even still 17) in utrh, since it closely follows an arc wherein bruce tells cass that it would be his 18th birthday were he alive. i think the assumption that he would have to be 19 comes from the lost days and flashbacks in rhato wherein he spends much more time training before going back to gotham (unless someone has a source outright stating he was 19? let me know)

as it is with comics, there’s some space for questioning (writers have given him different years of birth and some comics mention different years of his death, for example: barr indicates he was born in 1974, and years later a death certificate from batman annual #25 says he died in 1986. but obviously he was not 12 when he died.) but the age of 15 for his death is clearly stated in the batman files.

(note that rebirth briefly retconned the timeline so that he became robin when he was… 16, so you might see some panels like that. but they quickly went back to the original version)

btw, the readers of batman back in 2004 must have been just as confused as you are (at least at first), because at this point there was no context provided as to why jason was a whole adult and how he came back. winick did not really care about jason’s legacy as robin nor his previous comics at all, and the annual (and lost days) in which it’s all explained read like an afterthought…

also both the writers and the artists routinely make him seem much older. lobdell, who was on rhato for like… a decade, said he had no idea how old jay was. personally i believe it’s because for most of them jason is a self-insert power fantasy of an edgier version of batman, and they’re obviously middle aged/old men.

this turned into a rant— but hope it clears things out:)