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wosofutbolfan · 4 months ago

Text

When Somebody Loved Me (Everything Was Beautiful)

Alexia Putellas x Reader

A story of a lifetime spent growing together. To what end?

Songfic

WC: 17k. Check TW inside.

TW: Bullying based on disability. Death of a parent. Angst. Grief.

Hi Guys.

This has sat in my drafts for months and inside my head for even longer. There is no part 2 planned. This is angsty with fluffy moments. Be warned.

I think we can all agree the most heart wrenching media moment of all time is Toy Story 2 and the below song.

If you don't agree. Move along this is not for you.

Reader calls Alexia, Alex throughout this fic. That's based on this video. Cause I have never heard someone refer to that and I thought it was cute. Alexia refers to R as 'Conejito' as a literal translation of bunny - I have since realised there's a more vulgar translation of this which I'm ignoring. Ha.

Spoiler Alert - This story deals with the death of a parent. Which I went back and forth on writing. Something about it still feels ick to me because these are real people. I may delete. Everything within is based on my own experience of parental loss. And it comes from no place of malace or weirdness.

This also deals with a severe speech impediment - which again, I do not suffer from myself but have experience with and hope I have done the struggle justice for anyone who may suffer.

My spanish is google translate because I am an ignorant English speaker. Apologies.

When somebody loved me Everything was beautiful Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart

It was raining on the day that you met her.

That was strange. For Barcelona. The rain.

You found yourself where you usually could be found, to anyone who would take notice. Which wasn’t anyone to your knowledge except for a few observant teachers. In the art room, in the back corner, working relentlessly at an easel that your favourite teacher would set up for you.

You had transferred into the school part way through term, and for the first few days as with most schools you were the new and shiny thing. At 12 a lot of the kids in school had known each other since birth and you were new fresh blood to entertain them.

That didn’t last too long though when they realised you weren’t actually that interesting.

Shy and quiet as you always had been, you kept yourself to yourself. Its not that you didn’t want to make friends. You did. You so desperately did. But you just didn’t know how.

You had a stutter. That never helped. Kids could be cruel. And with the move from your hometown to Mollet for your mum's job it had only gotten worse.

Words felt like lead in your mouth, your jaw felt tight and you struggled to get your words out. They stuck in your throat and refused to move from there.

The teachers were kind. Your peers were not. Your speech therapist was helping. You spent more time than any 12 year old should thinking about sentence structure and breathing techniques.

You knew your parents worried about you. Waiting for you to get home from school every day with worried glances and eager smiles; “Did you make any friends today niña?” your dad would ask, pretending to be casual, flicking through some book or another. “Not today Papi.” You would reply, never wanting to lie to your family, before happily jumping the couch next to him and starting to scribble in your notebook.

“Maybe tomorrow niña. There is always tomorrow”.

Well. Turns out dads are clever.

Because there was always tomorrow. And on an unusually rainy day for Mollet tomorrow came.

“Putellas!! Get back here! Pute-...”

The door to the art room quickly opened and slammed closed. The noise jolts you out of your peaceful reverie. A tall brunette girl smashed her back against the door and a hand quickly flicked out to turn the lights off to the room.

She clearly hadn’t noticed you huddled in the corner as she slid down the door onto her butt. Closing her eyes she let out a deep sigh and rested her forehead on her knees.

You didn't know what to do.

You knew who she was. Of course you did. She was Alexia Putellas.

The Alexia Putellas. Futbol superstar. Well… the 12 year old playground version of that. The coolest girl in school. She oozes confidence. Was always surrounded by a gaggle of your peers. Never without a ball at her feet or in her hands. But she hadn’t noticed you. Arm still raised working on the canvas in front of you, vision now impeded by the dark she had forced onto the room by turning the light off. You froze. Mouth slightly agape and hand starting to sweat. You watched as she rocked her forehead side to side on her knees. Your arm became tired in its upright position and the noise of you plopping the brush back into the water jar seemed to jolt her out of her stupor. Her neck snapped up and you met her wide, hazel eyes that bore into you. “Oh! Lo siento, I didn’t… I didn’t know anyone else was in here.” She was met with silence. Your stutter affected you terribly on a good day. Nevermind your safehaven suddenly being invaded by the coolest girl in school. Who you had idolised from afar since arriving in Mollet. Her head tilted curiously as she took you in. You felt her eyes drift to the canvas behind you. “Did you paint that?” She stands to her full height, still keeping her distance from you. “Why are you painting in the dark…?” She asks curiously. Head still tilted. Faced with a direct question you couldn’t put it off any longer. You couldn’t delay the inevitable. “Y..y…you, tu…tu….switched off….” Changing the words you intended to use halfway through was a coping mechanism that your therapist had tried to get you to work out of your system. She called it masking. You called it getting by. You raise your hand and point to the lightswitch that she had flicked when she entered the room. She looks at you harder now. You feel her eyes boring into you and wait for the inevitable laughter. The pity. Maybe even the cruelty that you are used to when people hear you speak. You cast your eyes down, waiting for the blow. But you just hear a flick of a switch, and the darkness behind your eyelids lifting. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have switched it off if I had known. I was just trying to get away. I kicked a football at Senorita Lopez by accident in the gym. They won’t let me play outside in the rain. Idiotas” You lift your eyes at her gentle, lilting tone as a smile teases your lips. She's moved closer to you now. “You didn’t answer. Did you paint this?” Her hand comes out to hover over the lines of your still-wet painting. Carefully. Again, you’ve been asked a direct question. “Si.” you reply, quietly. You don’t struggle so much with single words. “By yourself?” she asked, aghast, wonder taking over her features. You nod in reply. “This is so cool! Show me!” A grin overtakes your features as you nod more enthusiastically. Glasses slipping down your nose. Pulling out a fresh canvas for your new friend. “Lo siento, I haven’t told you my name. My Papa says it's rude not to introduce myself…” she stands tall and thrusts out her hand. Very formally. Very practised. “I am Alexia Putellas Segura.” You pause for a moment, looking at her outstretched hand. You wipe your clammy hands on your jeans. And shake her hand. “A…A…” you grow frustrated with yourself, the words getting stuck in your throat. You pull your hand away but Alexia keeps her grip firm and nods at you encouragingly. “Al…Alex… Alex.” you give up. Eyes downcast. Maybe you can tell your papa you nearly made a friend today. “Alex! Cool! I’ve never had that nickname! Most people call me Ale. But it can be our thing. I know you, you are y/n I remember Senora Perez making you stand at the front of class. Show me how to paint! Please? ” Alexia was not a good painter. She quickly got bored and distracted by the newspaper on the desk intended for a paper mache project which she screwed up together, fashioned into a football and then spent the rest of the wet lunchtime kicking around the art room aiming for various targets that she would shout out to you.

You dutifully cheered at every successful hit of the target. That night as you climbed onto the couch next to your papa and he asked; “Did you make any friends today niña?”. You couldn’t wait to reply; “Si! Alex.” You missed the way his newspaper dropped ever so slightly, and he caught the eye of your mami who was in the kitchen. “Ah, Si? Alex should come for dinner! We would love to welcome him!” He replied, his delight even obvious to you. “No tonta… Alex is a girl!” you let out. In that hilariously moody way only 12 year olds can. You became inseparable. Alexia was your best friend. Complete and total opposites. She would spend wet lunches in the art room with you. She would drag you to the playing fields after school and on break and you would be a goalie for her. Which was really just you standing complaining about where you found yourself and you dived away from balls as she cackled out a laugh. She came round for dinner with your family most nights. You spent every weekend at the Putellas household, travelling to her football games, strapped up next to Alba in the back of the Putellas family car, scribbling away in a notebook as you drew landscapes that you passed. On the way home you would sketch and sketch, only slightly hindered by the weight of your gangly best friend as she slept on your shoulder. Your art would sit on both family fridges. Alex’s football boots would litter both entrance ways. Your mami would pick Alba up from the junior school if Eli got stuck at work. Joint family dinners were the norm.

Your relationship evolved through the years. Easily. Blissfully. You grew together. You became taller, however still paling in height compared to your best friend. You got braces and had them removed, You wore contacts most days now instead of your thick rimmed glasses. Though you still could usually be found in the art rooms.

Alexia filled out, she became less gangly and more strong, after years dedicated to football and training.

Your speech improved. Your stammer only comes out rarely and you know your triggers. You worked hard every week with your speech therapist but you always credited Alexia. She gave you confidence.

No one at school would roll their eyes or laugh at you when Alexia was by your side. She didn’t rush you. She didn’t finish your sentences. Nothing was more formidable within your school walls than if Alexia had found out someone had made fun of you, or not been patient with you. She got in trouble countless times defending your honor. Even if the teachers hated punishing her for it.

You maybe realised on some level that you were as important to Alexia as she was to you the day that caused her to miss the U15 School Championship final.

One of the more idiotic older basketball boys had caught you in the hallway. Trying to impress his gaggle of followers he had tripped you up as you were on your way scurrying into the art rooms to finish the sign you had made for Jaume to wave at the upcoming championship final. You had fallen flat on your face, quickly moving onto your back and pressing yourself against the wall. It had been a while due to Alexia's influence but you had dealt with bullies your entire life and you knew you had to just make yourself small and wait it out. “Oh s-s-s-s-s–s-s-oooorry it w-w-w-as an a-a-a-a-accident!!” the boy taunted you, leaning over you and exaggerating your stutter.

His spittle hitting your face and making you wince. He brought himself to his full height, which was impressive for a 16 year old and turned to his friends. “Honestly, how is she even in this school, she is so estupida!” His guffaw was matched by his followers however their faces quickly dropped as they looked behind their ringleader. “What did you just say to her?” a cold, terse voice entered the conversation. You didn’t see his face drop but you could imagine it.

He quickly turned and looked at Alexia standing in the doorway. Sunshine behind her darkening your view. As she stepped into the halfway you took in the thunderous look on her face. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her as angry.

You barely recognised her. “I-i-i sai…” This time he wasn’t impersonating you.

He knew he was fucked. She moved quicker than you had ever seen her move on the football pitch. The tall boys friends quickly scattered as she grabbed him by his shoulders. He may have had at least two foot of height difference on her but that quickly diminished to nothing as she kneed him squarely between the legs. He doubled over in pain as she landed blow after blow to his stomach. “Alex… stop.” you instructed, gathering yourself to your feet.

Your voice cut through her rage and she immediately stopped her punches. He scurried off as soon as he was able to, no serious damage done apart from to his ego… and maybe his balls. She turned to face you after shouting some choice expletives to his back, face immediately morphing into one of concern, eyebrows furrowed as her hands cupped your face. “¿Estás bien?” She asked, seriously. Hands moving to check you over.

“Si, Si, estoy bien.” you replied. “You shouldn’t have done that Alex.” you regarded her with sceptical eyes.

Her brow furrowed further, “What should I have done then? He’s un maton, he hurt you. I taught him a lesson. I would do it again. I would. I am not sorry.” she said firmly as she moved your head beneath her chin and wrapped her strong arms around you.

You tried to pretend that the butterflies in your stomach erupting at her protectiveness were a normal reaction to a friend.

Right? She repeated the same platitudes the next day, but this time with Jaumes hand on her shoulder as she sat in the headmaster's office. The boy she had humiliated so happened to be the son of one of the school governors. The headmaster told the footballer and her father that if Alexia apologised to the boy then she would go unpunished, otherwise, he would be forced to stop any of her extra-curricular activities, including the interschool championship final. Which, as headmaster, he really didn't want to do when his school had their first chance of winning in over a decade. She refused.

She was banned from playing.

The team lost.

Badly. The guilt ate away at you as you both watched from the sidelines as the 5th goal against your team went in.

She grasped your knee, and still watched the game. “Stop feeling guilty. I am still not sorry. There are more important things than football conejita.”

You took a breath and placed your hand on top of hers. You turned to look at her incredulously. “I mean, very few. Football is still in the top 2. Food is 3.” she continued, deadpan. Forcing a laugh out of you. You asked her once, years after first meeting, one sleepover when you were both lying side by side on the Putellas trampoline looking up at the stars. Why was she so patient with you? When no one else was? She looked at you, dumbfounded, genuinely confused by the question. “You have a voice y/n. You deserve to be heard.” she replied. Moving into her favourite position which was pulling all of your weight completely on top of her. Your head rested over her heart. You could hear the thump thump thump against your ear. You hoped she couldn’t feel the fluttering of yours.

It was that simple to her. “Plus you looked like a rabbit in the headlights when I barged in, you were too cute. Mi pequeña coneja”.

Your Alex.

You transitioned from best friends into girlfriends at 16 with no fanfare. A shy kiss after a win at Alexia's latest championship sealed it. Her grin splitting her face. Yours matching when you realised your dreams could become a reality. Hands held tentatively in the backseat of Jaumes car as he smiled at the scene through his rear view mirror. Days later, as you both stood in front of your mami and papi shyly holding hands you realised, squeezing the trembling hand in yours, that it was the first time you had seen Alex nervous. In all of your years of friendship.

Alexia still had her weirdly formal streak, the same as the day you met her, so you let her do what she felt she needed to.

“Senor y Senora y/l/n… “ she started, taking a breath. “Mi and y/f/n…”

Your parents caught your eye, dumbfounded. She never used their titles. They rarely heard her use your name. You were always conejito.

“Alexia… estimada…” your mami started, with kind eyes. You could tell she knew what was coming. You shook your head at her slightly, Alexia too caught up in her own moment to notice. Your mami let her speak.

“Mi and y/f/n…”

Your papi, however, was not as emotionally in tune as your mami, “Monito, what is going on? Why are you being muy loca? Have you got mi mija pregnant? I know you're an overachiever bu…” “Papi!” you screeched out, interrupting him.

Alex stood mouth agape, face flushed as she looked to you for help. “Papi, Mami, Alex is tr…try…tryi… telling you that we’re together together.” you let out, raising your joined hands. Your mami let out a laugh behind her hands, your papi however stood and exclaimed, “Was that some sort of secret!? Dios Mio of course you are! We thought you had been for years! You made me change your bedtime story from princesses to football-playing princesses on the day you met! Why do you think your Mami makes you keep your door open when this one stays, Mija?”

Now it's your turn to blush as your mouth drops open. As he passes Alexia he gently smacks her upside the head, ruffling her long brunette hair. “Now come on cabeza de bola, me and the guys from work are starting a 5 a side. I need your help on penalties…” You huff out a laugh as your girlfriend is dragged away, confused look stuck on her face - eyebrows adorably drawn and mouth furrowed and clinging to your hand until distance forces her to let go.

Your mami settles her arm across your shoulders. “I’m happy for you Mija” she mutters, in her gentle tone as you fall into her embrace. “You’re going to marry that girl one day.” Even after everything that would happen and the hell you would feel, you thank God for the unseasonal rain in Barcelona that day in junior school.

And when she was sadI was there to dry her tearsAnd when she was happy, so was IWhen she loved me It wasn’t long after you made your relationship official that you had your first real test.

You knew something was wrong with your girlfriend probably before she did. You knew her like the back of your hand. Though it finally came to a head one early evening at the Putellas household.

You had both picked Alba up from school, and you had set out to making dinner in the Putellas kitchen whilst Alexia's parents were both stuck at work.

It was standard practice, occurring at least once a week. You moved through the kitchen with ease. The ease is what alerted you.

Usually, on nights like these, Alba would huff off to her room like any other pubescent teenager, head stuck in her phone and earphones firmly in place. Alexia however, would usually be found attached to your back, arms wrapped around you as you cooked, or sat at the breakfast bar, swiping chopped veggies til you hit her with a spoon to make her stop, rolling your eyes as she insisted she was a growing girl and she needed the extra.

No, this was too easy, you thought, as you moved around, you missed your big inconvenience in the kitchen and you made sure your pasta sauce was bubbling nicely and went to search for her.

You find her in the living room, her large frame draped over the sofa, eyes mindlessly watching the TV. But you can tell she isn’t watching whatever is on. Ale isn’t a big TV-watcher. She's very rarely sitting still for long enough to concentrate. The exception being if you're in her lap, where she entertains herself by playing with your hair or tracing the lines on your palm. “Hey, amor, estás bien?” your voice brings her out of her thoughts, “Ey? Ah sí conejito, lo siento, is dinner ready?” she asks, making to stand, but being stopped by your hand on her shoulder. “Ay, when did I become the hired help, ey?” you ask, trying to tease a smile out of your girlfriend. “Dinner will be ready soon. Tell me what's on your mind.” The thing about Alex is she’s an open book. People may think she is stern and serious but she wears her heart on her sleeve. You can always see her thoughts plainly on her face, so you know something troubling her. She knows she can’t hide it from you, so she doesn’t try. “I’ve been offered a professional contract.” She states, plainley. Your heart lifts for her. Your whole life Alexia has bled football. For many years she believed, and you did too though you would never admit it, that it wouldn't be possible to make a career from the sport. You don’t think you have ever seen Alexia as sad as when she aged out of the Barcelona FC teams. She was devastated. It was a harsh reminder that Spain wasn't the USA. The opportunities are not always available. But the thing you loved most about Alexia was her dogged determinedness. She would train in the morning, in the afternoon, between classes. You are overjoyed that all of that hard work has paid off. Something wasn’t adding up with her reaction, however. “Alex, that's amazing news!” you exclaimed, unable to hide the joy in your voice. “Why are you not more excited? Is it a bad deal?” “No, amor, it is a fair deal.” she sighs. You just look into her eyes, waiting for her to tell you what she wants to share. She takes a deep breath. “It’s Levante, I would have to move to Valencia.” Ah, you see. Your heart breaks at the sad frown painted on the usually stern face of your girlfriend. Your hand moves up to trace her eyebrow, forcing them to unfrown and moving down to cup her cheek. She leans heavily into the warmth of your hand, and damp eyes open, fixing to yours. “Oh Alex, it’s okay” you whisper. The truth is you had always known that with the career your girlfriend was destined to follow, that you would have to spend time away from each other. You already did. Alexia has often been away throughout your friendship and now your relationship for national camps.

You had a very mature relationship for 17 year olds. Having been woven into each other's lives for so many years. You were part of each other's DNA. You knew how to manage the time without your girlfriend. You were both grade A communicators. You accepted that this would be different, and no doubt unimaginably hard for the footballer, her family was her life. But so was football. And you know you needed to encourage her to take this step. “It’s not okay!” she stated, firmly, sitting up straight on the couch. “It’s not fair! Finally I get what I have dreamed of but it comes at the expense of everything I love. Mi familia, Barcelona, you! Why can’t I have both? I don’t know what to do” “You go to Levante, Alexia.” you say, seriously, “This is a huge opportunity for you.” She looks at you incredulously and you’re not sure what you’ve done wrong. “Oh, so it is that easy for you? Si? You just let me go like it doesn’t even bother you!” You aren’t used to Alexia's stern frown being sent your way, usually it's aimed at someone in defence of you. Or at a goalkeeper. You, however, know the brunette is feeling vulnerable, she has waves of insecurity at times, she puts so much pressure on herself it's inevitable, but you are always there to assure her of her worth, and your love. “You know that's not true, amor.” you say, tenderly, hand reaching into her brunette locks to sooth her. “I agree, it’s not fair that Barca don’t have a women's team but I have always known your talent would take you away from me, “ she opens her mouth to interject, “but I love you. And I know you love me. We are tethered. Forever. When, not if, you go to Valencia, we will make it work. You know we will amor, you can have both” “But I will miss you.” she whimpers, pathetically. “I will miss you every second. But it will get better, it’ll pass Alex.” Her head finds your neck as she settles in there. Her larger frame is quite comically draped over you. “Do you promise?” she lets out, weakly. And you don’t let a moment pass, “I promise.” and seal your promise with a kiss to the crown of her head. She moves her chin up and faces you, “Beso, por favour” she asks, who are you to refuse? You kiss softly, you don’t know how many minutes you are tasting her sweet lips pass before you are interrupted by a sulky 14 year old. “Ewwww!”

Alba appeared, making the two of you split apart, her disgust at the scene she's found making you laugh as Alexia peels herself from you, rolling her eyes.

“I’m gonna tell Mami that you two were making out instead of feeding m…ahh!” Albas accusations getting lost as Alexia chases her around the living room, ready to fight in a way only sisters can.

A strange smelling odour fills your nose. Oh… Oh no. You rush into the kitchen to find your dinner smoking on the hob.

“Oi, Putellas diablos!” You stick your head into the living room where you find Alexia sat on her younger sister whilst she tries to battle off the huge weight she finds on herself. They both pause and look at you guiltily. “C’mon, shoes on, we’re going out to eat, on me, we’re celebrating!”

Both of them unite in cheers as they childishly jump up and run to the front door in glee, shoving each other out of the way to try to get their shoes on first as you watch, affectionately shaking your head.

It will be months later, after a summer filled with memories made with your girlfriend, days at the beach, trips to the market, lazy days at home and soft moments made in the streets of Barna, that you would find yourself alone in bed.

That was weird.

You had spent the day packing with Alexia, the sadness of moving away had started to be replaced with excitement from the tall girl. Her dreams were coming true, okay, it may not be perfect, she finally understands, but it's a step in the right direction.

She can’t believe that she's going to get paid to play football.

Paid. The evening after a long day of packing was spent having a family meal at the Putellas household. Your family is also in attendance. It was a loud and joyous affair and it helped to keep the sadness out of your girlfriend's eyes. After a long evening of sombremesa Alexia had insisted on coming back with you to your parents to your house.

She didn’t want to spend her last evening in Barcelona in her empty bedroom, instead finding solace in yours. You had both talked into the early hours, in the arms of each other, trading soft touches and exchanging breaths until sleep took you. You pretended for her sake that you couldn’t hear her rattling breaths or feel the dampness of her cheeks on your fingers.

Now, however, you were alone, and unsure at what woke you up. Until a tapping comes to your attention. You sit up in bed and hear it again. What is that? You get out of bed and go towards your window, yep, there it is again, coming from outside. You throw open the curtains and peer out into the moonlit garden.

It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the darkness but you can’t take that moment because you suddenly are hit squarely in the face by a pebble.

“Ouch.. what the he…” you stand suddenly and bang your head on the window frame “Ow, Fuck!” “Ay Dios Mío, lo siento amor! I didn’t see you had opened the window!” Alexia's panicked voice reached your ears, why was she in the garden? What the hell was going on? “Are you okay conejito?” You take a moment to steady yourself and your mind into your new and abrupt situation. “Conejito?” “Yes, Alex, I am fine. What are you doing out there?” You’re met with silence. “Al?” The tall brunette is scuffing her foot against the pebbles of the garden that she had previously been launching at the window. “I don’t want to say. I feel stupid now.” You arch your eyebrow in her direction. You don't think that she can even see it but she knows what's aimed in her direction. “I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited. And also sad. And muddled. And I will miss you so much so I was just imagining how good it will feel when you visit, or I visit. Or when I score a goal and you’re watching. Which I know you’ve seen but now it's my job.” she rambles, pausing momentarily to take a breath.

“Anyway, I thought about how cool it would be if I came to visit and woke you up by throwing stones at your window like in a film! You’d love that! Then I just couldn’t wait to do it. So here’s me, doing it. I’m being romantic.” She throws a crooked grin up at the window and your heart literally melts. “I..I….” and you promptly burst into tears. “Oh no mi amor no! Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to throw a pebble at your face! I’m sorry!” she gestures towards you with her hands frantically. “It’s not that Alex, you’re just such an idiot. And I love you so much. I am going to miss you so much. Get up here.” needing her arms wrapped around you. She nods vigorously and makes to climb the trellis that goes to your window. “No you idiot! Use the door! You have a key!” “Oh yeah.” you hear her mutter to herself before she scurried back inside. As you’re settled back into her warm arms, her huge hands palming through your hair. “That was very romantic Alex.” you mumble and you practically hear her purr with pride at herself. “Next time though bebe, use your key, I would much rather you be here in bed with me.” “Noted.” she mumbles into your skin, wiping away the tears that you can’t stop from rolling down your cheeks. Alexia got settled into her professional team quickly and efficiently, she was one of the youngest but easily the most talented on the pitch. You would travel up with Jaume religiously at the weekends wherever you could, your time in the week spent busy with the Art College you had enrolled in. Alba sometimes tagging along when you bribed her with snacks.

As promised you were there when she scored her first professional goal, her beaming smile sent directly to you and Jaume in the stands, stood cheering for her. You witnessed her wide eyes, after the game, as you stood waiting for your celebratory hug and maybe a cheeky kiss, when she was stopped by a little hand. “Hola.” the small girl had to crane her neck to look up at your girlfriend. She was shaking with excitement. “Hola?” she replied, confused. “Can I have your autograph por favour?” she asked, sweetly. Alexia just stood there, like a sim.

You stepped forward with your notepad and drawing pencil that you carry everywhere, you had more drawings of inside a football stadium than anyone would need. You ripped out a page and handed Ale the pencil. “Of…of course?” She scribbled down her autograph for the young girl who beamed and ran away holding it above her head to show her mami who picked her up in glee. Alexia's wide eyes stared at you. “Did you see that?” “I saw that bebe, I handed you the pencil. I also saw your goal, superstar!” You couldn’t control your grin, which was mirrored by your girlfriend. “You played so well! Alex!” You're interrupted as she drags you over the fencing and pulls you into a bear hug. Her face nuzzled into your neck, her body vibrating with excitement. “I scored for you conejito!” she says “Well, hija, I won’t be offended, I have only been to every game you’ve played for 10 years” Jaume appears above you both still in the stands, smiling teasing his lips. “And you papa!” she releases you and pulls her papa into a hug. Dragging you back in after a moment before declaring that her first goal means that she deserves pizza and ice cream courtesy of her papa.

Through the summer and the fall We had each other, that was all Just she and I together Like it was meant to be

You finished your college course and your love for art had never died. You made the trip to Valencia wherever possible to see Alex and she came back to Barna at least once a month to see her family and you on an off weekend. You would spend those weekends living at Alexias house, soaking up every moment together as much as possible.

She would bring her clothes home for Eli to wash as she was useless at anything practical. You would make sure that you would always snag a sweater of hers before it was washed and keep hold of it, soaking in her scent before you could swap it out again. Alexia, used to pretend she hated it, they would always be returned with paint stains around the cuffs which would harden and she said irritated her skin. You tried to be more careful but you didn’t stop stealing them.

You saw the same amount of her family as before she moved away, your lives had been so intrinsically linked that you had become an honorary Putellas, and she was a part of your family. You hung around with Alba and you helped Eli with her shopping when her car broke down. You were family.

Weirdly enough, it was you that met Alexia's future best friend first. After college, you started to make money from your art by being a live artist at weddings.

You knew your parents were worried about what you would do with your art. Teaching was the obvious choice but with your speech issues, it was your idea of hell.

This was perfect.

It was a niche business but you got paid well and you loved it. You got to go to weddings for a job. You got to capture people's joy on the most important day of their lives. You would sit in the corner with an easel set up, sketching and painting guests, the dance floor, the top table. And you could immediately give your paintings to the couple and their guests, the validation was enormous, you were good at what you did. Discreet and professional.

You soon get a client list for miles and the money starts to pour in.

It was at one of these weddings that you met Mapi. She caught your eye during the speeches and you started to draw her outline. She was clearly very very gay at a very straight wedding. But it wasn’t just that that caught your eye, her tattoos intrigued you. And you loved sketching them and adding hints of colour here and there.

She looked up at you and caught you sketching, as guests often would, you were able to not let it distract you, ever the professional you offered a gentle smile.

“You like football?” a heavily accented voice reached your ears as you were adding the finishing touches to the dancefloor scene that was set out before you.

“Que?” It wasn’t often that guests interacted with you, but sometimes it happened.

“Your bag, FC Barcelona? That's not usual for a pretty girl like you, to like football.”

“Ah, Si.” You reply, your eyes not moving from your painting. “It’s my girlfriends.” you reply, emphasising your relationship status, not wanting a moment of confusion.

“Ah, boo, you have ruined my fun.” She replies, “Maria Leon '' She introduces herself, hand out for you to shake, you don’t take her hand, handing your paint-y hands up. She holds her hands up in surrender. “I see, I see. FC Barcelona though. Good team. No women's team though.”

“No, but there will be, and my girlfriend will be their top scorer when it happens” you reply confidently. “You seem so sure?” “I am.” She lets out a laugh. “I can’t argue with that, then I will be their best defender” she offers a huge smile. Mapis smile is magic and makes you smile.

You and Mapi become firm friends. She talks. And talks and talks and talks. You don’t know how she has so much to say. But she is fun and she is kind. Your stutter makes an appearance as it sometimes does but it is perfectly offset by her inability to stop yapping. You don’t feel a pressure to fill the silence because you know she will.

Years later, at a supercup final, you will both laugh about your first conversation. About how both of your statements came true. Turns out, people paid well for authentic paintings of their favourite moments. And as a young adult you found yourself with enough money to get yourself a small apartment in Mollet. You loved it. And you loved the independence it brought you. You think that was the happiest time of your life. You would spend days on your sun drenched terracotta tiled balcony. Painting watercolour and sketching the scenes both in your mind and your view over the square that your apartment was on. You had quite the online following and would get some commissions for your art which brought you a sense of purpose and joy. The absolute best time was when Alexia had a free weekend, or a break, she would stay with you and you would live in domestic bliss. It was an unspoken agreement. No question that she would make her base for her time back at your apartment. Even when she wasn’t there you wouldn’t sleep on her side of the bed. More of her clothes made their way into your closet. More of her sweaters would get paint marks on them. You would cook together, sing together, dance together in your small kitchenette. Feeling happy and in love as only young people can. Nothing gets between you. Training had been kind to your girlfriend, and you struggled to keep your eyes off her as she would do basic tasks. She was thick. For want of a better word. Her gangly limbs had become pure muscle, her back would ripple when putting on a t-shirt, you would find yourself staring at her forearms as she would cut vegetables. She knew what she did to you and she loved it. Often sending a wink your was and sending you into more of a stuttering mess then usual, heat climbing to your face. You felt your heart grow as you would go shopping for groceries together. Take strolls in the square, you sitting on a bench and sketching as she inevitably got herself involved in a football game with the local kids. Her favourite time of day would be Friday nights. Often, if she was lucky, she would be scheduled an early kick off on fridays. You would travel back from the game together with her papi. You took the backseat as you knew you would monopolise her time back all weekend. Giving her a chance to catch up with her family. You would get home, she would shower whilst you made a light dinner, both taking it in on the balcony before moving inside and settling on the couch. She would put on some illegally screened recordings of the game she had played in. But she would mute it as she pulled you into her chest. You would have a sketchbook in hand and continue working on your art, or a piece from a wedding that needed finishing up. You always told her the commentary wouldn’t distract you. But she insisted. Once finally saying, “I like the sound of your pencil, it soothes me, and sometimes you trace the sketch on my leg with your free hand. It gives me goosebumps. I like it.” you never asked again. You argued, of course, like any couple did. But it never lasted long. Alex would get angry when she would find paint in the sink, and you would struggle to share your space at first. But you never went to bed in a fight. Even if you tried to be stubborn your body would fail you and you would gravitate towards her in the moments before sleep, muttering your apologies or forgiveness. In those early days of young adulthood it would be the only time in your relationship where you had more money than Alex.

Football did not pay well. It did not pay a living wage.

You didn’t care.

You felt privileged every time you scanned your card for the groceries, or paid for dinner on a date. You knew she hated it though. “One day conejito, I will give you everything life can offer, I promise” she would whisper into your skin whilst she tried to make it up to you in other ways. You would always tell her you had everything you needed right there with you. It was perfect. Life was perfect. You had friends, a stable job, the love of your life. Yes, distance was hard, yes, each time she left you would cry and hold her tighter to you, but you knew it wasn’t forever, and you never felt that distance in your relationship. You grew together, like a plant, your love was carefully cultivated in experiences and shared memories.

And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her And I knew that she loved me

You had never felt sadness like it. It was all encompassing. You couldn’t get away from it. You were sad for your chosen family. You were sad for your own family. You were sad for yourself. But you were devastated for your girlfriend. You didn’t know what to do with so much sadness. You couldn’t hold it in, but you couldn’t let it out. You needed to be strong for your girlfriend. Who was walking around as a shell of the person that you knew her to be. Well, that was when she was walking, she would throw herself into her childhood bedroom and stay there silently for hours. You would be okay with it if she was sleeping, but she just stared at the wall aimlessly. Her Papa was her inspiration. The reason she got into football. She would look up to him even as she towered over him. And it was so so cruel that he had been taken away from her in such a manner. A week after Jamues passing you found yourself next to Alexia at his funeral. It was a beautiful affair, a celebration of the life of a man who loved hard and was loved hard. The morning had been difficult, you had ironed Alexia's dress and set it out for her. She took your instruction like a small child, you brushed her hair straight and pulled it out from her face. You struggled to speak. Such immense grief you felt the words became garbled in your mouth, rendering you mute. But you didn’t want any pressure on Alexia.

You knew when your stutter made an appearance she would drop everything, concentrate on doing your exercises with you, hand automatically cupping your jaw and massaging the soft area beneath your ear because she knew that relaxed your facial muscles. So you both moved around silently. That morning. As you guided her around what needed to be done. As you packed her bag with tissues you hoped that you needed to use them. You hadn’t seen her cry since she rushed home from Valencia to the news. So no, you didn’t know what to do with your grief. You loved him too. He was the first person you had loved and lost. You had your own special relationship built from long car journeys and shared snacks. He would put your art on his fridge like you were one of his own. He was kind and he was half of the person who you loved to your core. God. If you felt like this. You don’t know how Alexia was still breathing. You had been spending all week as the Putellas household. Not leaving Alex's side. But also not leaving Alba, who would lean heavily into you of an evening, seemingly crying all of the tears that her sister couldn’t. It felt healthy though, through the tears you could share memories and make her laugh. You would go to bed with Alex and the silence would continue. When you were sure she was asleep you would sneak out of bed and grab your sketch pad, settle into the corner of the room and just let it out. Her dad told you once at a game how his father worked as a coal miner. He said it proudly, he adored hard work. That's where Alexia got her devotion from. It was a passing moment, a memory that you didn't even know you had. But it stuck with you as you went into the Putellas garden and took a lump of coal from the barbeque and settled yourself into the dewey grass. Hand not stopping over your sketchpad and tears rolling down your cheeks.

The night after the funeral you stayed at your own parents house. You couldn’t handle the loneliness of your own apartment. You didn’t want to intrude at the Putellas residence, and you hoped that maybe some time with her family would be what Alexia needed to open up. You were right, but not in the way you imagined. A soft clink, clink, clink, woke you up, This time you were not frightened. You had heard this noise before. You immediately jumped out of bed and ran to your window, showing it open and shoving your head out. “Alex! What are you doing here, why didn’t you use your key?” The brunette looked up at you with sad eyes, you saw she was in her pyjamas, eyes sideways showing no car, she had walked here. “I forgot it.” she let out, morosely. “Oh mi amor, no p..p..problem, hold on I will come down and let you in.” before you had a chance to bring your body back into the house you heard her again, “You left me.” your heart cracked into two. You didn’t reply but instead hurried downstairs into the moonlit garden. She stood there, with all her muscle and height, looking everything like a toddler who was lost in a supermarket. You took her hand in yours and used your other to cup her cheek. “Oh, mi amor I didn’t leave you, I thought you wanted some space.” Maybe you expected her to agree, maybe you expected her to disagree and shout at you for getting it so wrong. You didnt realise that you were to her, like an umbrella in the rain, protecting her from the downpour. With you gone she drowned in the grief. You didn’t expect her lip to tremble and her to burst into tears. “I want my papa.” Those 4 words broke your heart as you huddled her into your arms, rocking lightly to bring her confort. There was nothing you could say, you just brought her into your bed and held her as she cried, painting her skin with whispers of your love “I know, bebe, I know, I promise it’ll pass, I promise, and I will be here. The pain will go. It will pass Alex and I will be here.” It became a mantra that you whispered into her skin.

As she calmed down you took a moment to think. As you got out of bed and she groaned in annoyance you hushed her with your lips to her skin. “Un momento, mi amor, I have something for you.”

You presented it nervously, unsure of the reaction you would get.

It was a framed picture that you had created. Not like your usual artwork as it was made from coal. Coal from the Putellas barbecue to be exact. It was a sketch of a man in the stands of a football stadium, somehow, eyes beaming with pride, laugh lines visible on his face. A footballer with a long ponytail and similar features jumping into his arms.

It was a scene you had witnessed hundreds of times throughout the years. You didn’t need to see it again to create it. The coal added a haunting and beautiful dimension to it. When you explained your reasoning Alexia looked deeply into your eyes. Holding onto the frame with white knuckles like her life depended on it.

“I love you.”

And when Alexia scored and helped her team to win the U19 Championship for her country not 3 weeks later. Celebrating with eyes to the sky, fingers pointed. You knew that, eventually, she would be okay.

So the years went by I stayed the same But she began to drift away I was left alone Still, I waited for the day When she'd say, "I will always love you"

It was as though it had been destined for years but finally finally the news came that Barcelona FC would have a women's team. Mapi had texted you with glee when the news broke out, she knew that she was stuck in her own contract but the fact it existed made it a possibility for her dreams to come true. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, was a free agent. You thought, privately, that even if she wasn't a free agent that she would break every law on planet earth to play for her childhood club. She was offered a contract and signed without any hesitation. A mist in her eyes at the missing presence in her signing photos. You drove with Alba to collect her and all her things from a year in Valencia directly to your apartment. As you unpacked her stuff, Alba on a food run with money you had shoved into her hand, your small flat suddenly felt full. “Alex,” You called, from the living room, you heard her shuffle around and pop her head into the bedroom where you stood, surrounded by boxes. “Si, conejito?” she asked, breathlessly. You took in her smile, that you had missed over the months, the light in her eyes, the ease of her movements. “I am just asking, I don’t actually remember asking you to move in?” You say, teasingly, gesturing to her boxes surrounding you. It was true, you hadn’t, it had just been assumed by both of you, as well as both of your families. A blush rose up her neck, “I mean… I-i-..”. You burst out laughing. “I am just teasing you”. A glint in her eyes took over and you had half a second to brace yourself before you were tackled by an almost 6ft wall of muscle. You landed gently on the bed with a thump. “Well, light of my life. I think it’s too late for that. Maybe I can make up for my rudeness.” Her voice takes on a sultry tone, attacking your neck with kisses, making you groan. “No, No, No, No, stop it you two! Why is this my life!” Well. Alba was back, You groaned as Alexias full body weight fell onto you as she heard her sister. You had a feeling you both had plenty of time to make up for it. Living with Alexia full time was natural. You had obviously had practice from the year she spent in Valencia but you didn’t realise how easy it would be. You knew where to step to not fall over her boots in the hallway without looking.

You amended your grocery show to include all her weird protein-packed foods. She would help you get ready for work in your evening gowns that you had to wear to fit in at the weddings, and she would stay up to make sure you got home safe and listened as you babbled on about your favourite parts, all the while taking it in for ideas for your own wedding. You continued to make money at weddings, Alexia rose through the ranks at the new Barcelona Femini team. Quickly establishing herself as a calm and serious captain.

She took her role seriously, she would study games religiously at home as you would paint or sketch. Your easel set up in the living room or on the balcony. She would rub your shoulders as you painted, eyes set on the TV at the game. The shared time doing your own activities matched you both perfectly. And just like that, years passed. Years in domestic bliss. Spent together and with your families. Vacations in Ibiza and even a pet cat called Pablo Petcatso, or Pabs for short, entered your little family unit. He was a ginger cat who loved a cuddle and loved getting into Alexia's kit bag, he even made it to the training once or twice, and you had to drive over there to pick him back up. Dragging him away from 22 cooing footballers.

Women's football grew, as did Alexia's paycheck. And with that, you think, looking back, as did the cracks in your relationship.

“We're here!” Alexias excited voice explained, you had pulled up outside a tall apartment building in the centre of Barcelona. She hadn’t shared with you where you were going. Insisting it needed to be a surprise.

“And where is here?” you looked up at the towering glass building above you, you didn’t come into the city much, you preferred the quiet of your suburb.

“You’ll see, you’ll see!” Her excitement was catching, and you found yourself giddy as the elevator took you further into the skies of the city.

“Ta-da!” She presents a huge open plan space before you, the glass fronted living room has views over the city to the sea. You could count at least 3 bedrooms from where you stood in the hallway. The kitchen was sleek, straight lines and clean granite.

“What is this place?” you ask, confused, taking in your surroundings. “It's our new apartment!” What? “What?” you breathe out. “Don’t you love it?!” Alexia remains giddy, her excitement not fading and she fails to notice your unenthused reaction. Your mind whirred. “Come look, come look!” she grabbed your hand, and pulled you further into the apartment. Proudly presenting each room to you. “And this room. I thought you could have it as your art studio!” “Art studio?” you whisper. “Yeah! Isn’t it so cool, and so much space. Now I wont get cross at you for getting paint all over the kitchen! Pabs will have so much room to explore!” She turns around and pulls you into her embrace, you are still shellshocked at everything presented to you. “I promised you, didn’t I? I would give you the world conejito.” Her eyes are so bright with joy, the smile so wide on her face, you couldn’t help but smile. Yes, the sleek lines, the large space, and the modern kitchen were beautiful. You didn’t see it for yourself, you preferred your terracotta tiled balcony and your plants overtaking your kitchenette. You loved painting in your living room when Alexia would watch a match. Pabs crawling over your shoulders, your little bubble with your family. But you could see how proud Alex was of herself, of what she had achieved. You must have taken a moment too long, as her eyebrows furrow. “You don’t like it.” you said, plainly, “No… No Alex, I do! I was just so surprised. I love it, and I love you.” “Yeah?” her eyes brighten again. You kiss her lips softly, “Yeah.” “Good! And think conejito, maybe one day there would be room for a bigger family?” she asks, shyly. Your heart melted as you nodded frantically and threw yourself into her embrace. As Alexia's career grew, so did the pressure on her. She was often away, it was something your whole relationship had survived, but now, being away with both club and country, as well as in an apartment that had never truly felt like home. You felt lonely. You would come home from weddings with only Pabs to greet you, you would create art in your studio without the background noise of Alexia watching a game, or preparing a smoothie. She would do that in the living area. Nights together were rarer. Your love never dimmed. Alexia showed you in her every movement that she adored you. Date nights, whilst few and far between, were the highlight of your week. Though that soon became the highlight of your month. The one saving grace during this time was that Mapi had finally joined Barcelona Femini and you took it on yourself to be her personal Barcelona guide. As Alexia's fame grew, you shied more into the background. You weren't an extrovert. You would never hide your relationship and you never asked Alexia to but the only social media that you had was that to promote your artwork. Meanwhile, Alexia's followers grew and grew. A few crazed fans had deep dived into her archives and knew of you but that was only a portion of the fanbase. She hated the delving into her private life, and that caused her to stop posting anything of you onto her public accounts. Any trace of you, gone. Before being a footballer, in Alex’ mind, she was your protector, that hadn’t changed from 15 years ago. With 2021 came great change. All of the years of dreams and hard work had paid off and Barca had reached the champions league final. You travelled to Gothenburg with Eli and Alba, a nervousness in your stomach more than usual. For both your girlfriend and your best friend. You celebrated the win with a euphoria you had rarely felt. Everything felt worth it. The lonely nights, the travel around the country, the sacrifices you had to make as the partner of La Reina.

And as she pulled you into her arms after the final whistle, and pulled you over the barricade the same way she did when she scored her first professional goal your heart couldn’t swell more with pride. You don’t want to say that Alexia changed after the Ballon D’or. Because she didn’t. Well, maybe she did, she suddenly sported bright blonde locks which, you admit was sexy, but you missed the softness her natural hair gave her face. By the second Ballon D’or you thought maybe it was you that changed. Maybe it was you that put up a barrier. One that couldn’t be identified easily. But with study it could be noticed. The problem was that Alex wasn’t there to notice. Yeah, you were together, you did things together, you made love and you made memories. You went back to Mollet regularly and ate with your families and you went to games with Alba. But Alexia was busy. She had brand deals, she had interviews, she had achieved her dream of being the best footballer in the world. You knew she was since you were 12. But now the world knew too. And the world wanted her attention.

Oftentimes she was exhausted when she got home. She didn’t want to cuddle on the couch. She didn't want to walk around the plaza. She didn’t want to hear about your day. She would ask, but you could tell her mind was elsewhere, in some contract somewhere, so you started to lie. To give answers which would satisfy her without arousing suspicion. Always trying to put her ease first.

You would decline for nights out with her teammates, you even lied once or twice and said you had a wedding to paint, just to avoid suspicion. Alexia would take your answer as the truth, and kiss your cheek lightly as she left the apartment which quickly felt like it had become your prison. Mapi could see through you. She would try to get you to talk, but she was Alexia's team mate. Alex was her captain. It didn’t feel right to discuss your relationship issues with her. Not when you wouldn’t even talk to the woman in question about it. You found yourself in the familiar seats of the Johan Cryuff stadium taking in the first home game of the new season. Alba and Eli by your side. The first game was always a family affair. With the Putellas cousins in attendance, a restaurant booked for this evening for you all. It was an easy win for the Champions of Europe. And as you stood with Mapi and her new girlfriend Ingrid at the end of the match chatting, Patri bounded over, sweat on her brow and joy in her eyes. “Hola Senora La Reina” she teased you, kissing your cheek, you had been around the team so much that they all knew you well. “Ay, Idiota, hands off” and large, familiar hands wrapped around your middle, a kiss planted to your other cheek as you melted into her embrace. “Congrats bebe” you muttered, craning you neck you see her looking down at you with a smile. “Senora Reina, you’ll come out for drinks with us to celebrate the win, won’t you?” Parti asked, full of joy.

The attention of the 4 footballers on you suddenly unsettled you. Maybe it was the busy environment. Maybe it was being with Ingrid who you’d only met a few times. Maybe it was Alexias hands around you for the first time in what felt like months. But you struggled to get your words out. “Ah, gra…grac…gracias for the invite diablo, but m…m…me…” “She’s coming out with mi familia Patri, it’s tradition! You know that! Vamos, I will come out quickly for a drink then join you all, conejito” Alexia interrupted you, planted a final kiss on your cheek and headed to the changing rooms. She didn’t feel you freeze in her embrace. She didn’t see Patri and Mapis expressions change. She didn’t see Ingrid's look of confusion. You felt sick. You felt like you were about to burst into tears. Your throat burned and you struggled to swallow.

You felt small. You shuffled your feet on the ground and looked up to see Mapis' face had grown furious, her girlfriend's arm had come to rest over her shoulders, trying to settle her but unsure why. You went straight into damage control. Alexia has protected you your entire life. She had never interrupted you, she knew you couldn’t stand when people would finish your sentences. It was the worst thing you could do to someone with a stutter. She knew that. You don’t know why Alexia's endless patience ran out that day. But you knew you wanted to protect her from your best friend's rage. You knew it would happen one day, you just wish it had happened without any witnesses. For both of your sakes. “Mapi, it's fine.” “It is not fine!” Patri backs away from the situation with a kiss to your cheek and an apologetic look. “I don’t know what's wrong with her lately. I am going to kill her…” she moves towards the changing rooms but you pause her with a soft hand. “Maps, please don’t. It’s f…f…okay. I am okay. Ju…just go get changed and go on your night out. I will t..text you tomorrow. Please.” You look to Ingrid for help, you don’t know her well but she has the power over Mapi seemingly, and as she guides her to the changing rooms the small Spaniard seems to settle down.

Not enough though, apparently, because as soon as she sees her captain again, a flicker of that rage comes back to her. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” Mapi hisses to her captain, “Maria, stop” Ingrid tugged her by the elbow, trying to take her away. Alexia looked up from her phone with a look of indignation, yes she was Mapis friend but she was still her captain, and they were in front of the whole team. Her defensive wall immediately came up. “Discuple?” Her eyes cast across the changing room, their team mates continued to get changed and pretended they weren’t eaves dropping into the mini argument that had developed.

“I said, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Mapi spat out. “Why did you interrupt her?” Something in Alexia's stomach dropped. Her hands become clammy, her body reacting to the accusation before her mind could. “What? I didn’t. I would never.” she whispers in reply, but more to herself. “No, No I didn't.” she said more surely, somewhat desperately.

Mapi takes in her best friend's demeanour, the usually stoic and strong captain looked devastated, maybe even petrified? Mapi knew what she had done, but could see that Alexia would punish herself more than Mapi ever could. She stepped away, guided by Ingrid. Leaving Alexia to replay the last 10 minutes, desperately. Mapi saw the moment that realisation came to the Catalan Captain, as she bolted out of the changing room, hair damp, throwing her shirt on as she sprinted back into the stadium. Which is where she found you, moments later. You were sitting in the friends and family section, Alexias new baby cousin settled onto your knee, playing with your hands and babbling to himself. You made cooing noises and spoke softly to him and all her Tias and Tios got rounded up for your meal out. You felt her presence behind you, you could practically feel her anxiety coming off her in waves. You looked back quickly and confirmed your suspicions, her blonde hair damp and wetting her shoulders, her foot twisting against the concrete floor, hands knotted together and bottom lip drawn into her lip, chewing anxiously. “It’s fine Alex.” you said, as you turned, attention back on the baby in your lap. She must have seen this acknowledgement as her body surged towards you, she loudly collapsed into the seat next to you, the anxiety coming off her in waves. “Conej…” she started. “No Alex, I pr…pr… I swear. It’s okay. But I’m currently holding the ba…bab…ba… child.” you take a sigh. “I am holding the child and I don’t want to cry so p…please. It’s okay.” If it's possible. She looked even more devastated. Her whole face collapsed. She hated when you would revert to old techniques to speak, by changing up your words mid sentence. Alexia was your protector. It was her proudest badge. Before she was a footballer, in her mind, she was your partner. And she had let you down. She had done the worst thing she could have done. To an outsider Alexia's moment of impatience may have been a minor indiscretion at most. But to you? To Alex? It was the basis of your whole relationship. You felt safe with her. You had a voice, she said, all those years ago when you fell in love, and you deserved to be heard. And now she has brought that into question. “Can I touch you?” she asked, gently. This brought tears to your eyes and you nodded, whilst still entertaining the baby in your lap with coo’s and a false smile. She touched your knee, the heat of her hand bleeding into your skin. “You don’t need to mask in front of me y/f/n.” Alexia never used your name. “Please. Use the words you want to use. I am here to listen. Always.” You are interrupted as Alexias Tia comes to claim her baby, who you hand back with a last pat on the stomach and raspberry to the cheek. You are trying to avoid the next 5 minutes you know will happen. Alexia is somewhat rude when her Tia offers her congratulations, eyes boreing into your head. You sweep your hair back as you face her, having had a moment to think you get your words out easier. “Alex, it’s okay. It was bound to happen one day. Don’t worry about it. Please. Go out with your friends. I will go to the meal as planned. I promise. Alba will drive me home later.” “No.” Alexia says desperately, clutching your hand in hers, “Let’s just go home, amor. Please.” “Ale I made a promise to your mami. I am going to eat. I will see you later.” you press a kiss to her cheek and wander off towards her family. As she stands, watching you interact with her sister and her mami, her teammates call her over. She feels torn. She just wants to go home with you. She just wants to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you in her arms. Safe. But you don’t want that right now, so she turns to do as instructed. Throwing one more glance your way, missing Albas worried face as she wipes a tear from your cheek.

Lonely and forgotten Never thought she'd look my way And she smiled at me and held me Just like she used to do Like she loved me When she loved me

You came home early. You asked if Alba could drop you off as soon as you had finished your meal. She was happy to oblige, worried about your silence the entire meal. You were looking down at your phone as you entered your apartment. Assuring Mapi again that you were fine and she should enjoy her drinks. You go to flick on the light in the living area when a stream of light below the door of your studio distracts you. You push the door open cautiously and see Alexia standing there, looking at your work in progress. It was different to your usual work. A close up sketch of a hand, wrapped around a flower, tenderly, it was in the early stages, you could see the lines of the palm and the blades of grass in the field behind. It was mounted onto canvas on your easel and the splashes of colour you had started to add contrasted against the paleness of the room. She hadn’t heard you enter, too lost in the image before her, but Pabs making a run for the door as it opened brought her attention to you. As you stand there, under her gaze, you struggle to remember the last time you saw Alexia in your studio. Yeah she would bob in to let you know dinner was ready, or that she was heading out, but she didn’t come in often enough to take in your work anymore. Now it wasn’t forced on her in the living space. It seemed Alexia had the same realisation as she broke her gaze with you and gestured towards your painting, and then further, to your desk overlooking the window, where more of your work lay. “You’re amazing. I didn’t… I.” a deep breath. “I hadn’t forgotten but I think I… Got lost? Somewhere along the way?” you tilt your head curiously. You don’t know what she’s talking about. “I have been a bad partner to you.”

“Alex…” “No. I have. And I’m not interrupting you but I won’t let you lie to protect me.” her eyes go again to your easel. “You’re amazing. You are so talented. You are filled with so much kindness. You deserve so much more than this.” her eyes fill with tears and she looks at you. “I tried. You know? I promise I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought this,” she gestures towards you and around you “was what you deserved. And it is. But more than that you deserve everything.” She takes a step towards you and grasps your hands with hers, her hands are cold, you note. As you take her in you see dried tear tracks down her cheeks, and… damp hair. “Alexia, did you not go out with the team?” “How do you think that I could go out with the team after what I did?” she asks, aghast. The reminder of the way the evening went washes over you. Alexia panics when she sees your eyes fill with tears. And she pulls you into her chest. “I am so, so sorry mi amor. I am so sorry” she whispers into your hair. “I have broken something sacred between us. And I will never forgive myself.” she swears to you. Though that doesnt bring you any joy. “I forgive you Alex.” she shakes her head in despair, joining you in tears. “You said it was bound to happen someday,” she starts, “Do not think like that amor. It was not. This is not your fault. In any way. It is mine. Please don’t think that, you deserve to be heard. I am so so sorry. So sorry. I will never do it again, promesa.” All you can do is nod into her chest.

She pulls you from the room and settles you both into the sofa, keeping the light off, only the skyline of the city illuminating your living room through the large, glassed wall.

She lets you cry into her t-shirt, soaking it more than her damp hair, and through the darkness you pull away and take in her face, she looks youthful. Gone, the professional make up, the expensive jewellery, and hair darkened by the dampness from her shower. You take in a large choked breath. “We need to talk.” you let out. Fear takes over her features and she starts to shake her head. “No, Mi Conejito please no, don’t do this.” she wails. It is a heart wrenching sound. She thinks she's going to be sick. “Woah, woah, woah” you place your hands on her cheeks and pull her panicked eyes to yours; “Mi amor I am not breaking up with you.” you state, clearly. “I am not. Now breathe with me.” Her eyes steady from their darting around the room in fear, and you place your hand on her chest, making her breathe with you. “Okay, okay… okay. Yes, please. Talk to me.” she begs, trying to get oxygen back into her lungs. “I feel alone. I feel… sa…sad. A lot of the time. And I know… you y…you aren’t doing it on pur…purpose.” Your girlfriend looks heartbroken. Like she had just found out her entire family had died. But refuses to interrupt you as you speak. But you have needed this conversation for so long, that the words start to tumble out of you. Getting lodged in your throat. Har large hand comes up to that familiar place, and massages the soft tissue behind your jaw. Trying to help you without interrupting. “You aren’t doing it on purpose.” you repeat. She pauses for a moment and doesn't ask what you thought she would. “Why am I making you anxious?” she asks, cutting through your thoughts. You move away from her and settle your elbows to your knees. Rubbing your face as you feel a large hand settle onto your back. You hated your stutter. You hated that it ruled your life, but most of all you hated how it exposed you. You were like a child who can’t hide a blush in front of their crush. “You aren’t, Alexia.” “Alex.” she corrects, “I am Alex to you” she insists, “your Alex. It’s just me, mi amor.” she looks at you desperately. “I feel alone, you are never here, and when you are here physically, you aren’t here in your head. Your head is in the clouds, it is with your agent, with your coach, it is not with me.” you’ve started now, so you won’t be able to stop yourself “it is me and Pabs and, even though you're dumb as bricks bebe, you're a better conversationalist than him” you try to joke, a half smile on your face. Which she matches, hand not stopping her ministrations on your back.

“I cannot remember the last time we just sat together, the last time that we cooked together. Can you Alex?” you don’t receive a reply,

“I haven’t had your eyes, look at me, really look at me for months. You give your time so easily to those around you, your team mates, people I see you out with at events. I can’t blame you, this is what you always dreamed of. But… I miss you.” Your speech is strong now; “and I love you. That will never change. But you need to know how I am feeling. So it's fair to you. I feel as though you are bigger than the world. And I am just the girl you saved in the art room.” She is openly crying now. “Don’t say that, you are everything” she mumbled, through tears.

She knew that she had been busy. But she didn’t realise the damage that she had done. She had been to events, you had been at her side. But. When was the last time she asked about a wedding you’d worked? God, you used to sit for hours describing the beautiful scenes, and she’d store away ideas for your own wedding. The last gallery you had shown at? When had she last visited your mami and papi, who had been there for her her entire life? She kept you off social media for your protection, but she didn’t mean to erase you. When had she become so god damn selfish. “Amor, I think that somewhere along the way, I had forgotten, and forgotten to remind you. There are more important things than football. Well. Football is second”.

You are thrown back to a memory, a school championship 15 years ago, sat on the bleachers watching your school get destroyed. The lanky football captain sat by your side. You can’t help it but tears fill your eyes. You missed her. That girl. The one you were and the one she was. “But.. you told me once, that I could have both.” she whispered, into your neck, “and you can, Alex. Of course you can. But you have to want both. And at the moment. It feels. It feels like you don’t want me.” “No! Mi Amor, Mi Vida, Mi Conejito. You are everything. Eres mi mundo. I am nothing without you.” she takes a breath, deep and shuddering. “I will fix this. Thank you for telling me how you feel. I have a chance to fix this. Si?” she asks, desperately. You nod, “Of course Alex, and it's for both of us to fix, I should have said something sooner.” She refuses your admittance of guilt and drags you into bed. She sticks to you like a second skin. Moves with you to brush your teeth. Standing waiting whilst you use the toilet. She places a fresh glass of water on your bedside table.You want to tell her to give you a bit of space, but the fear in her eyes prevents you from doing so. As soon as you crawl into your side of the bed she has pulled you into her embrace and the warmth that fills you goes beyond the shared body heat. For the first time in a long time, you wake up in the strong arms of Alexia. She hasn’t moved in the night an inch, and you take a moment to take her in. This is what you missed. Just breathing the same air as her. Just existing in the same space. As though she can feel you looking at her she begins to stir. Taking a moment to come to her senses, her arms grip you tighter around your waist. “Hola, Mi amor” she whispers into the air. Your response is a kiss to her lips, which she steals, hungrily. As you deepen the kiss you feel her begin to pull away. “Lo siento, mi amor, we cannot get carried away. Things to do.” your heart hurts again. You roll off the taller girl and reach for your phone as a distraction.

You thought, maybe, just maybe, for today at least. You would spend the day together. “Things to do!” she repeats, jumping out of bed with glee. “Where’s your passport”. That grabs your attention. “Que?” you ask, confusingly. “Your passport amor, Vamos!” She had long ago left the bed, and had started moving around the room, picking up various bags which had definitely not been there when you went to bed and moving them into the hallway. She was like a ball of energy, she stripped off her oversized t-shirt she had worn to bed, leaving her standing in just her boxers. Your eyes widened at the sight. Well, you think, at least all the time not spent with you was doing something good. You find yourself in a trance, practically salivating at your view.

A change of clothes being thrown at your head brings you out of your stupor. “Dressed. Go.” Alexia teases you, definitely having caught you starting. This makes you finally start to move as you shrug on the jogging bottoms and hoodie she threw at you. Happily, you note, it's one of hers that you’ve already destroyed with paint marks on the cuffs. “Why do you need my passport Alex? What's with the bags?” “We’re going on vacation!” That stops you, half in, and half out of your hoodie. Getting yourself stuck. “Vacation?” you ask, voice muffled by the fabric. You hear Alexia make her way over to you, then feel her gently pull you free from your fabric prison. “Si…” she gently tells you. A look overcomes her face which you can’t distinguish, then she kisses your nose, softly. “Vacation. Just me and you amor.”

“But what about work?” you ask, still catching up. “You don’t have anything booked for 6 days, I checked your calendar. And where we are going, you can bring all your art things if you need them. I’ve packed the basics in my carry-on already.” “Not my work. Alex, your work. You have a busy week.” at this point you seem to have lost her attention as she turns to your question dismissively. “I cancelled it.” she replies, simply. “You cancelled it.” you repeat. “Si.” “Alexia! Have you lost your mind! You have training, you have that meeting with Oakley - you have the pre-euros media to do! You have a game in 3 days” you reel off her calendar, watching as she continues to dress and pack her toiletries. She heaves out a sigh and turns back to you.

“Conejito, I know what I had, you don’t need to tell me I have just spent all night cancelling all of them. I spoke to Jona and he’s happy for me to miss the game. The rest of it doesn’t matter.” she moves closer to you again, “So no, I have not lost my mind. But, I did almost lose you, so please. Please tell me where your passport is so we can get on the plane I booked. Mapi will be here in a moment to take Pabs for the week.” You find yourself standing there, stunned. She seemingly had thought of everything. You look into the hall at the bags packed there ready to go. Pabs sniffed them curiously. She’s looking at you with wide, expecting eyes. There's nothing else for you to do you suppose. As you turn from her and open your bedside table, a smile can’t be kept off your face, you turn triumphantly with your passport held high. “Voila!” you present it to her; “What are you waiting for then Alex! We've got a plane to catch!” as you scurry out of the room and you hear the front door knock. Alexias cackle behind you. Alexia was always full of surprises when she wanted to be and she remained tight lipped all the way to the airport, refusing to tell you your destination.

You assumed it would be one of the islands somewhere, with the size of her luggage maybe somewhere farther afield, sun, sea and a pool somewhere promised. But she shocked you. When you got to the check in desk and realised you were flying to Switzerland you could have been knocked down with a feather. Your Alex, who was upset when she even had to wear a bikini top in the month of August, has booked for you to go to Switzerland?

She ignored your curious stare and just continued to sweet talk the check in lady, upgrading you to business class. As you descended hours later, between the snow peaked mountains against a stunning orange sun you couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your hands itched to claim the sketch book from Alexias carry on. Soon, after collecting your luggage and Alexia picking up a hire car that has also been pre booked (seriously did this girl sleep at all the night before?), you found yourself being driven through a mountain forest, as a lodge that seemed to cling to the mountainside came into view, isolated and beautiful. You stood on the wooden balcony, hands gripping a warm drink as you took in the view of the sun setting behind the mountains. “Look at that, Amor.” you felt, more than heard, whispered against your ear. Lips planting a kiss at your jaw as strong hands settle over your stomach.

You fell back into her embrace. “It’s so beautiful.” you replied, eyes focused on the scene before you. “I saw this advert. Months ago.” she continued. “Just in the back of a catalogue at work. They will have the Euros near here, you know, 2025?” That made you snort with laughter. “Ah, I see Putellas, now it makes sense how you’ve been dragged from the beach, scoping out the environment are we? Anything for that competitive edge.” your teasing is clear in your voice.

You feel a pinch on your stomach, “No, idiota,” though the laugh is clear in her voice. “I saw that advert and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It is so beautiful here.” you hum in agreement, “But what I could not get out of my head was that I wanted you to see it. I love seeing the world through your eyes.”

She turns you in her embrace and she places a gentle kiss to your forehead as you feel her breathe you in. “You see things so beautifully, Amor, and then you paint them for the world to see. You are so special.” Your heart melts at the blonde, and you feel some of the despair that had settled into your stomach over the last months shrink. Here Alexia was, at work, flicking through some promotional material between interviews and training, and her thoughts are with you. “And I will not let you forget how special you are, ever. Never again”. You spent those days in pure bliss. You spend the days hiking - her pretending to be as tired as you at the peak of a mountain, she was a terrible actress but you appreciate the sentiment non the less - having picnics, exploring the mountain villages, and on one particularly spicy day, skinny dipping in an isolated mountain lake that a swiss teammate had told Alexia about. Evenings were spent looking up at the stars together, you firmly in alexias lap on the balcony, sharing a glass of wine which you held. She pointed out stars that her Papa had shown her and given silly names to, and you were there to catch her tears. She would complain only minimally that she was cold, and you would offer to warm her up and she would lead you gently into the bedroom. Nights spent in each other's embrace, sighs shared and no alarms to wake you. You would dance around the kitchen, play cards at the table, share wine and stories and just catch up.

The pit in your stomach mended with each kiss, each peel of laughter and each stroke of the skin.

One evening, after the skinny dipping adventure in which the footballer insisted that she must have hypothermia and had taken herself off over an hour ago telling you she wasn’t coming out of the warm shower until she had become a prune. You had started to add the finishing touches to a sketch of the scene beyond your lodges window when you felt the blonde return into the room, You eyed her quickly, flannel tartan pyjamas covering her tall frame, hanging over her wrists, matching shorts which are despicably short. Fuzzy socks on her feet. She looked absolutely adorable.

You didn’t know why she was staring at you though, She moved towards you and you made space for her on the couch. “You have your glasses on, Conejita.” she mumbled, and you reached up, as though to confirm they were on your face, “I didn’t know you still wore them.” You didn’t, too be honest, but with the long day of fresh air and a strong sun on the mountainside your eyes had grown tired. You shrugged at her, as she placed a soft kiss on your lips. Lovesick look in her eyes. “You’re so hot.” She mumbled, more to herself. You hear though, and the blush runs up your neck.

You moved to get your work off your lap but she stopped you, pulling you back into her embrace and you automatically moved your knees up to rest your sketchbook there. “Carry on, please.” her chin rested on your shoulder. You hesitated, you didn’t come all this way to not spend time with the blonde, you wanted to soak in every minute. You wouldn’t be happy if she started to kick a ball around in the kitchen. She could sense your hesitation, “please. Remember, I like the sound of your pencil.” she moves your free hand to her bare thigh, “and it gives me goosebumps.” You fell in love again over those 6 days. You never fell out of it. But maybe you both just needed reminding. You felt whole, your communication about how you were feeling had worked, Alexia had listened. You just had one worry though, as the plane landed back in Barna you couldn’t hold it in. “Alex.” you said, before the seatbelt sign came on, gripping her arm lightly. “This was the best trip of my life. Thank you.” Her smile cracked her face, and she looked immensely proud of herself. “Mine too, Amor.” she agreed, easily, her face was peaceful . “But. I can’t go back to how things were again, si? I don’t think I could survive it, not after this week.” she's already shaking her head. “It won’t, I promise. I will not let that happen. Me and you, Si? That is all that is important” you take a moment, “And Pabs.” you amend for her, breaking the tension. “Si, of course” she rolls her eyes, “and Pablo Petcatso.”

When somebody loved me Everything was beautiful Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart When she loved me

“Hey, Al?” you shout, into the living room as you enter your flat. It's been a few weeks since you returned from your impromptu get away. A busy few weeks. You have been booked up and Alex had to make up for the time she had lost, Barca were still in 4 competitions so the match load was heavy. You could see she was trying though, so that made the darkness that had started to creep back in more bearable. She wasn’t home from training yet. Which disappointed you more than usual. You were giddy.

You had just found out that your art had been selected to be shown at a huge gallery opening in the centre of the city. An established and high-end gallery. It was a big deal, and it was potentially your big break. You got flutters in your stomach even thinking about the commissions it could make you. Pabs popped his head around the door and you picked him up giddily and span him around, his meow in response you took as a congratulations as you danced and laughed. You didn’t hear the door behind you open but you heard your favourite voice in the world, “And what have I walked into here, hey, a party with my favourite two? Without me?” Alexia laughed. “Alex, we're celebrating!” you let Pabs free from your grip as he scurried away from his crazy mama. Her arms loop around you as you move into a slow dance, grinning up at her; “Ah, Si? And what are we celebrating?” “I got chosen! For the gallery!” Your feet leave the floor as the taller girl fully brings you into her arms, lifting you and spinning you around in glee, the squeal she lets out is full of childlike joy. “Of course you did! You are amazing!” she plops you back down and attacks your face with kisses. “I’m so proud of you Mi Amor and I am so excited to see your gallery. Oh I can get all dressed up and be your arm piece!” The thought brings you pure joy, the image of Alexia standing by your side, proudly, champagne in hand. Your Mami and Papi and Eli and Alba all present. Pabs in a little bow tie. “Si?” you ask, shyly, much more used to being by her side, “You’ll come? It is in 4 weeks. The 16th. You should be just starting on break.” A shadow of sadness passes her face at your insecurity, “Amor even if I was not on break I would not miss this for the world. If I had the world cup final I would call in sick. I will be there. I will be the girl with the biggest bouquet of flowers in all of Barna with the lovesick look on her face.” It had been a whirlwind of a month, you had to put the finishing touches on your pieces.

You have chosen to showcase your best landscapes.

Scenes from the road to Valencia, The Square in Mollett, Beach Scenes in Barca, Snow capped mountains of Switzerland.

It was the story of your love for Alexia. Told through scenes only the two of you could understand the significance of.

In the week leading up to the opening, you would spend late nights at the gallery, setting up lighting with Mapi and your Papi. Eli would walk around straightening frames on the walls. As you settled into bed each night, Alexia would open her arms and bring you into her warn embrace.

You couldn’t wait to share your love story with the world. Alexia was having a bad day. It started bad. And continued to be bad. First, she woke up alone, which she hated.

She recalled a kiss to the forehead and a whispered ‘I'll see you later’ before she'd dozed back off. Then she realised that she had forgotten to charge her phone and was therefore late to training. Well. Not late for normal people. But late for Alexia. Then she forgot her socks and had to steal some of Irenes. She had a bad training session and Patri beat her in all their 1v1’s. And then the icing on the cake. She was dragged out from her gym session to do media which she hated. By the time she had finished the changing rooms were mostly empty, with only Pina and Patri left, scheming together in a corner.

“Ah now, Capi! Turn that frown upside down!” Pina teased her, “Ay, come out for a drink with me and Patri, the girls are all coming later, a bonding session before the break!”

And Alexia would usually say no, she wasn’t one for massive social events. But a drink sounded good. And it was the last day of training before the break.

Which is how she found herself 4 drinks in, deep in a booth in Patris favourite bar downtown. Most of the girls had joined them and laughter and chatter filled the roped off space. Something was missing and it took Alexia a moment to realise that there wasn’t a yapping in her ear.

“Ay, Pina, where are Mapi and Ingrid?”

“They text the group, they had something on but they’re going to join us after. Ah… here they are!” Pina turned as Patri dragged her to the dance floor. Alexia turned to where Pina had pointed and saw Ingrid and Mapi walking towards her. She smiled and raised her hand in a wave, as they got closer she took in their state of dress; “Ay, sexy mamas, it’s only a night out with the team. Why are you dressed so nice? Have you just come from your wedding?” Mapi looked at Alexia. But really, really looked at her. “What?” nothing. “Maria, what? Why are you looking at me like that? Ingrid?” she faced the usually kind woman but she wasn’t met with her usual smile, “What’s happening? Wh-ohmygod.” It hit Alexia like a freight train. Like 10 freight trains. She physically had to hold onto the chair to her side to remain standing. “No, no, no, I didn’t, I couldn’t have done.” She starts to pat herself down and pulls her phone out, dead, still uncharged from the night before. She holds it up to Mapi, as evidence, evidence of what she doesn’t know. As though it gives her a lifeline. She knows it doesn’t. “Ingrid? Ingrid please tell me I didn’t miss it.” she asks, desperately. The tall girl looks away, as though she can’t even face what the captain had done. “Alexia.” The rage is barely contained in Mapis' voice. “I can’t even look at you.” Mapi turns to leave, but it's as though her anger wont let her; she turns again and spits out; “Do you think she needed a reminder on her phone to know when the Champions League final was? Do you think… I can’t… I have just come from her gallery opening. Her life's work. A life shared with you. And here you are. At a bar. Celebrating, what? A game of football? A half season well done? Fuck off. Seriously. Fuck. Off” Ingrid grips her hand and tries to pull her away. All Alexia can do is stand there and take it, it's not a hundredth of what she deserves. “No Ingrid.” She pulls her hand free and pushes her finger into Alexia's chest. “You are a selfish monster. She thought you must be hurt. That's what she thought. She thought you were in a ditch somewhere. She almost cancelled the whole thing to run around hospitals to find you. But then Alba saw you on Patris instagram. And here you are. La Reina.” Mapi looks her up and down, pure disgust on her face. “Your Mamis held her as she sobbed. Alba redid her makeup. I would steer clear of her Papi for months if I were you. She is strong, and she gave a speech.” Alexia couldn’t breathe. You gave a speech? She wasn’t there. She wasn’t there. “Please, Maria, stop. I can’t listen.” Alexia couldn’t take it. She moved Mapis' hand off her chest and ran to the door of the club. One thought in her mind. Get to you. Get to you. “It's too late Alexia.” Mapi shouts to her back. She ignores her. It can’t be. No It can't be. She jumps out of the uber onto the unfamiliar street. The lights to the gallery are off but she desperately tries the door regardless. Banging on it with her fist in frustration. She lets out a scream into the empty street. Peering through the windows she sees wall after wall of your work. Scenes she recognises from her life. Football pitches. Beaches, Mountains. The scene from your balcony in Mollet. It was all so beautiful. So carefully curated. And she wasn’t there. She takes off at a run. It’s not too late. Mapi is wrong. It’s not too late. She will die if it is too late. “Y/N!” she barged into the apartment. She must have ran 10 miles. “Y/N are you here?” She runs from room to room. But there is no one there. When that's established she plugs her phone into the charger on the breakfast bar and makes her way back through the apartment. She goes into the bedroom. No, please no. The wardrobe is open, your side is empty. She looks around. Your things are gone.

The kitchen remains largely unaffected. Though the picture of you and your parents no longer sits on the shelf. Your trainers are gone from the hall. Your favourite blanket from the couch. She looks at the walls. Anything you had painted. Gone. Alexia always insisted that your art be on the walls, in each home you shared together. “Why would I want strangers work on the walls, Mi Amor? When I have the best artist in the world here?” she would say, making you blush. She was addicted to that blush. She walks back into the hallway. One picture remains in pride of place. The picture you presented to her in her darkest moment. You would never take that away from her. It was a gift of pure adoration. All it does is make the stabbing pain in Alexia's heart worsen. She pushes open the door to your art studio. All that remains are paints and blank canvases. Except. In the middle of the room. The easel. A picture she had seen before, in its early stages. A hand. A hand holding a beautiful flower. But it had changed somehow. Pressure lines had appeared. The flower beginning to wilt under the force. It wasn’t your usual work. Alexia stood closer. Entranced. As she inspected the image she saw the light tease off still wet paint. You had touched this up recently. Her eyes search, frantically for anything of your last moments in the apartment when she catches it. Too light for anyone not searching for it. 11. Blended into skin at the wrist of the image. A tattoo. So lightly painted but it etched itself fiercely into Alexia's soul. This was her hand. This hand that was silently destructive, was hers. She saw a post it note stuck to the leg of the easel and in your looping handwriting: ‘Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they won't use it.’

She brought her hand up to her mouth and let out an audible gasp. She runs into the kitchen and dry heaves over the sink. There, she watches as her tears splash into the marble. And as she watches. She takes note of a single paint droplet. Her tears joined it, creating the most heart crushing piece of work she had ever seen.

God. She used to get so angry at that paint in the sink.

It's been years, she thought, years since she found paint in the sink. How much did you have to lessen yourself in order to be with her?

She collapsed into a seated position. Back against the kitchen cabinet. And brought her knees to her chest. She sobbed. And sobbed. She was joined at one point by Pabs. She thought you’d taken him with you. But no, in a typical act of kindness you wouldn’t leave her alone in her despair.

His little bow tie still sat around his neck, skew-whiff, as he looked at his mama curiously. He licked her nose and she sobbed harder.

Weeks passed.

She doesn’t know how she got through those weeks. Thousands of missed calls. Hundreds of messages. Went unanswered.

Alexia didn’t hear from you. Her Mami and Alba had forgiven her after Alba had found her in a state and unable to look after herself but they made it clear they were on your side. Mapi wouldnt look at her. They wouldn't tell her where you were, they wouldn’t pass on any message.

She was too frightened to go to your Mami and Papa.

She hadn’t trained well for weeks, She arrived at training exhausted. Sleep would never find her. She was barely clinging on. Jona still insisted she play. She was La Reina.

And then she broke. And that's where Irene found her, after another match of lacklustre performance. In a back corridor of the stadium. Broken and staring at the wall in front of her.

A ghost of the woman she was.

Her phone lay next to her. A message from you. A response to her apologies, her thoughts, the pain she had told you she felt for your failed relationship.

Finally, Word you were alive.

3 words in fact. “It’ll pass Alexia.”

#woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #woso community

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jade-jini · 1 year ago

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yunjin is the only thing i can honestly think off 😭 also i’d love to see how y/n and loser g!p yunjin got together 🤭

(Look at this cute thing, I’m weak for her)

WELL OFC DEAR ANON lol. So continuing with how our loser g!p Yunjin and reader became all lovey dovey (sorry if it’s too long and if it took too long 😭) THIS IS ALL FLUFF.

As I mentioned, you guys are in the same program so you see her during class and often around campus, mostly just exchanging a few hi’s and comments about class stuff but it never became more than those short conversations. Yunjin can be a very outgoing loser, with her silly jokes and cute pickup lines and constant compliments. She was a sweet girl! Just didn’t feel brave enough to make a more bold move just yet:(. Sakura would always be like “NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?!” And she’d be like “NEVER GIVE UP!” But then when she has the chance to turn her flirt into something else she panics and goes🧍🏻‍♀️

She was getting brave tho, she really was! Until that stupid jock mf had to ruin all the confidence she (and Sakura) has been working so hard to build. This guy was into you. At first he really thought Yunjin didn’t have a chance because how could a loser have one? but then he noticed how you’d giggle like an idiot with Yunjin and his brain went “danger 😐” so like a fvckin asshole the only thing he thought was to make Yunjin afraid to make any move at all, hurting her self esteem.

It was during a morning that she hadn’t see you around yet. She always looks forward to the classes you shared, and when she didn’t see you in your seat as always, she was so confused ‘cause you tended to be on time. She still had hopes that you’d eventually show up. However, her confusion turned into disappointment and sadness when half the class passed and you were nowhere to be found. Yunjin knew she was being dramatic but c’mon! Seeing you is her favorite part of the day :( she spent the rest of the class resting her chin on her books with a pout. Eunchae saw her friend and thought she looked like a sad puppy, she thought it was cute and funny but also had sympathy for her friend. During the little break they had before their next class that was in the same room, she tapped Sakura’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Yunjin unnie looks like a lost puppy when y/n is not around I swear” she told her while trying not to laugh. The eldest turned her head to her red hair friend and sighed with a smile as she shook her head.

“She kinda is if you think about it, I guess” she told the youngest, who couldn’t contain a laugh from escaping her lips. This caused Yunjin to look up to her friends with a frown.

“It’s not fair, why isn’t she here?!” Yunjin started, fixing her posture “Y/n doesn’t tend to miss class, and if she didn’t come to this one she might as well just miss the rest of the day and the classes we have together… ” she complained with a cute pout, but unfortunately somebody heard their conversation.

“Like you would know, wouldn’t you creep?” The guy said, while looking at the girl with a sarcastic smile (Idk bro picture a kpop boi here if you want ig-). “God you spy on her so much you know her schedule? AND you wanna talk like you’re close with her and know what she would do. You’re such a weirdo, that’s exactly why she wouldn’t look at you, you know?” He said with that disgusting mean tone, like he himself knew you any better.

Yunjin was surprised, she knew this guy and knew he wasn’t friendly specially with well, people who didn’t share his exact interest (aka if you’re a nerd), but she wasn’t expecting him to talk to her at all let alone insult her like that, I mean she has gotten kinda bullied before when she was younger but she has done her best to either ignore these people or to defend herself, to which her friends helped a lot.

“And who the fuck are you to talk to her like that?-” Eunchae started but Sakura stopped her grabbing her arm, making sure the girl didn’t start any trouble. The man just put his hands up and laughed.

“I’m just saying, y/n is way out of your league bro, you’re embarrassing yourself and most likely making her feel uncomfortable. Do you enjoy doing that?”

“I would never do that!” Yunjin was offended, she didn’t have any bad intentions with you. Did she cross any boundary? You would tell her though right? You looked like somebody who knew how to speak for yourself well enough, she’s seen it. “I’d never do that intentionally, and I’m sure she would tell me. So far she hasn’t shown any discomfort in any moment we’ve talked.” she said trying to sound a little more confident, mostly to also convince herself you actually didn’t dislike her.

“she’s just too nice to let you know!” He answered as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. “And who knows, maybe she laughs behind your back at your behavior and that’s why she keeps you close.” He finished before walking out of the room, not letting any of the girls talk back (Lord and Sakura know Eunchae was ready to curse Tf outta him) and leaving a mess in Yunjin’s head, filling it with a lot of insecurities and doubts. Girlie was gonna be overthinking about you all day and not in the sweet cheesy way she always does :(

“What. An. Asshole!” Eunchae exclaimed, getting a scold from kkura for the language “no I’m serious what’s wrong with him?? Who does he think he is?! Asshole…”

“Hong Eunchae!” Sakura said in a serious tone, making the girl simply huff and sit down with crossed arms and a pout (Manchae my kid). “Yunjini? Are you ok?” She asked in a softer tone while sitting in her chair next to her friend, who had such a sad and pensive expression “don’t pay no mind to that guy, he doesn’t know you and I seriously doubt he knows y/n.”

“Yeah exactly!” The youngest said “he’s probably just jealous that you always make y/n laugh.”

“Yeah but is it a ‘you’re so funny I’m enjoying this’ laugh or a ‘you’re pathetic and embarrassing’ laugh? Now I don’t know…”

“She’s not a bad person, unnie. You wouldn’t like her if she was, right? But if you’re feeling insecure, let’s see her behavior carefully and maybe we’ll be able to tell.”

the tall girl sighed, resting her head on her books again. Eunchae and Sakura just looked at each other (the oldest patting her friend’s head), not sure how else to comfort their friend, but hoping next time she sees you something good happens and you somehow get those thoughts out of her head.

——

Meanwhile, you decided to miss a class and went to this store you found online where they sell different types of merch about video games, animes, stuff like that, to buy some cool genshin impact photocards you saw online. You knew two things; 1. Yunjin liked that game a lot, and 2. She was probably not gonna make a move to get closer any time soon lol so you decided to give the game a try, and liked it a lot! And now you’re gonna buy some photocards for her as well as a way of making more conversation and getting closer.

Once you got them, you quickly put a Genshin Yunjin one on your phone case (some selfies for social media Ofc) and decided to finally go to class, excited to show this girl that you were basically crushing on the gift you got for her.

Your second class of the day was luckily one with Yunjin, so you were hoping to make it on time to talk with her a little bit before it started, and so you did! But weirdly, you caught the girl on her seat, very quiet while the friends of her who also shared this class seemed a little worried and empathetic with whatever was going on with the red hair girl. You took your seat close to them and waved hi to her friend, whose name if you remember well was Sakura. With a sign you asked her if Jen was ok, to which she replied with a “so-so” sign and a little smile. You nodded sympathetically and decided to maybe wait until later on the day to talk with her, now feeling slightly nervous yourself to make any move. However, while you were considering this option, kkura thought seeing you might cheer her friend up, so she elbowed Yunjin and let her know that you were in the room.

Once the girl looked at your direction, there was a sparkle in her eyes, the one that always appeared whenever she saw you or thought of you. However, once she remembered the mean words the idiot from earlier told her, her smile turned into a more shy, sad small one, and her eyes went to the floor.

“Yunjin? You’re not gonna say hi to her like always?” The Japanese girl asked her in a low voice, trying to motivate her dear friend.

“I don’t know, Kkura..” the sad girl said “What if I just make her feel uncomfortable? What if that’s what I’ve been doing? That’s not only embarrassing, but also not fair for her to feel like that, and not fair for me to keep my hopes high if I’m clearly out of her league. I don’t wanna get even more hurt and also I—”but your voice interrupted her sad rambling.

“Hey Yunjin, Look what I got!” You called, smiling that pretty smile of yours and showing her the back of your phone, hoping this somehow will help cheering her up. And it did! Yunjin’s expression went from sad, to surprised that you called, to excited.

“Oh. My. God. Is that a Genshin Impact special edition Yun Jin photocard ?!” She said in her peculiar loud voice and with a smile showing her perfect teeth. There. There it was. The excited and loud loser who caught your attention. “Omg, y/n! How did you get this? I didn’t even know you liked Genshin!”

“Well, constantly hearing you screaming about it made me curious!” You teased her while laughing, to which she blushed but didn’t stop smiling while listening to you “it was just a few days ago so I’m very new, I actually enjoyed it a lot so I decided to search info about the characters online, and went this morning to this cool store I found to buy some of these.”

“So that’s why you weren’t here earlier” Sakura commented, making you look at her a little surprised.

“Oh you noticed?”

“Yunjin did.” Eunchae answered while looking at her friend with a mischievous smile, to which Yunjin responded with a blush, a threat in her eyes and a promise for vendetta later. “She missed you and everything.”

“Eunchae!” She simply groaned, pouting at the embarrassment her friend made her go through. But to you it was actually really cute the fact that she noticed your absence.

“Well, please accept these as an apology then.” You said while getting the little bag that contained the other photocards and giving it to her. She was so surprised because a gift. For her? From you?! “I didn’t know who your favorite character was so I made sure to get as many as possible. Please take as many as you want, I mainly got them for you to be honest.” You admitted, feeling brave to confess your intentions, even with her friends around.

“Oh my~ this is so cute!” Eunchae squeaked while shaking Yunjin’s shoulder (visual representation), while the girl was just speechless holding the bag you gave her and switching from looking at it to looking at you, who couldn’t stop smiling, satisfied at her reaction while your hands were politely behind your back in a cute shy way. Of course, Sakura had to push her to get out of her shocked state. Yunjin shook her head to bring herself back before speaking.

“Omg y/n, I don’t know what to say, thank you so much!” She said, feeling touched by the detail. Yunjin was looking at you with such sweet eyes, you were making her fall deeper for you, and she didn’t know that’s exactly your plan.

“It’s ok. Just please make sure to leave some Yun Jin for me, she’s my favorite character you know?” You told her in a clearly flirty way and a wink, making sure the message was clear. This made the red hair girl’s eyes open wide as her face had no idea what to do, besides blushing and smiling like an idiot.

“Hehe, Yunjin unnie’s face is trying to match her hair.” Eunchae teased, making you and Sakura laugh at the taller girl.

“Hong Eunchae I swear to God.”

——

After that conversation, the professor entered the classroom, so you quickly agreed on hanging out after class to continue talking about your interest in common. Sakura had a class, and Eunchae went with her after mentioning she was grateful to be able to go ‘cause she didn’t want to third wheel you guys anymore, earning another groan and blush from her best friend. Talking with Yunjin was really nice, and she was really hyped and happy about sharing this topic, so much she decided to invite you to her place so you could continue there, watch some content and even play a little bit! She was excited of being able to teach none other than her crush how to play her favorite game.

Of course she didn’t realize the weight of her actions until you were actually in her room.

Oh god. Her crush was in her room. Alone with her.

Girlie went from excited to nervous once she saw you making yourself comfortable in her bed. Her bed was really soft and warm, and her room was cozy. It reflected her personality well. A nice combination of beige walls and white. Most of the room had warm colors, and the decoration was based on some posters, little shelves with albums and books, pictures and figures of video-games characters the girl was a fan of. She was very organized and clean, her desk having her computer and just a couple notebooks at the moment. You hoped you could spend more time there with her in the future (and no not only for the nasty 🤨).

“This is a really nice place Yun” you told her.

“Thanks, that’s one of the reasons I like spending so much time at home.” She said with a giggle doing her best to contain the blush in her cheeks because did you just call her by a nickname?😳 bro do it again.

“I get it, if my room was this nice and comfy I too would prefer to just stay and play all day.” You said as she lied down next to you.

“Well, you can always come and play with me!” She offered smiling innocently (aw my pookie wookie 🥺), but c’mon you had to tease her after saying that-

“You want me to come play with you, huh?” You said with an obvious teasing tone and a smirk moving your eyebrows up and down, now making it impossible for the red hair girl to not match her cheeks color with her hair.

“I mean! It’s always fun to play genshin with friends…” she said, trying to save herself from the embarrassment, but she felt it was too late so her hands went to her face as she groaned in a low voice. You laughed. She was so endearing, so cute. You couldn’t resist her and she wasn’t even trying to do anything at all. This is the girl you wanted. It just felt too right. It felt like home in your heart even before it did in your head.

“You remember I told you Yunjin is my favorite genshin impact character?” You asked her, taking her hands off her face but not letting go of them, to which she hummed in response. “And do you know why she is my favorite character?”

“Well, her playability in my opinion is really good. Her design and character description is also captivating, and since you mentioned you’re new to the game maybe that’s the reason you liked her. Although I must say I pr—” god this girl could talk. So what’s better than shutting up your crush with a kiss? Nothing bro. Nothing so that’s what you did. With a sweet kiss that she was doing her very best to correspond once the initial shock passed, as she’s been dreaming of doing since the moment her eyes fell on you. Your hand moved slowly from her own hands to her face, caressing it softly as her trembling hand went to your waist. As the seconds passed, her hands felt more comfortable, so she hugged you closer to her, to which you responded hugging her as well. Once you stopped kissing ( barely leaving any space in between your faces), you whispered in her lips “so again, do you know why Yunjin is my favorite character?”

And with her vision blurry and her mind clearly malfunctioning because of everything that was happening (but can you blame her tho?) she said:

“Who’s Yunjin?”

Bro are you serious.

#huh yunjin #Yunjin #huh yunjin x reader #yunjin x reader #le sserafim yunjin #kpop gg #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #le sserafim #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim imagines #le sserafim scenarios #le sserafim x y/n #g!p yunjin x reader #g!p yunjin #loser yunjin x reader #loser yunjin

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huskersbooze · 7 months ago

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Helloo! Can i Request an alastor x reader angst? (I love angst im sorry😭) where reader n alastor are good friends, but soon alastor starts catching feelings, he didn’t like that so he starts ignoring reader hoping it’ll go away, but when alastor realizes it doesn’t, he wanted to apologize for ignoring reader and maybe confessing, but he couldn’t cause he found out reader got redeemed into heaven? Please and thank you!!

A/N : Oh fuck yes I'm a sucker for angst. This is actually a really interesting concept! Completely opposite to my other fic where Reader ignores Al. Thank you for the ask <3

Alastor Doesn't Do Feelings

Alastor x Reader

Pairing : Alastor x F!Reader (M!Reader here, Gn!Reader here)

Warnings : Cusing(what do you expect? It's Hazbin Hotel)

Additional Tags : Angst, no use of (Y/n), use of dear/darling

Word count : 1.25k

It was never supposed to turn out this way. Alastor, the fucking Radio Demon, doesn't do feelings.

But here he was, finding himself getting flustered, his cheeks red, ears pinned back and his smile faltering.

And it was all because of you.

"-and so I told him to back the heck away, but I swear his brain can't seem to comprehend simple words! He-"

You went on and on about your day, but Alastor could only focus on the close proximity between the two of you and your hand came so close to brushing his every minute or so.

"Alastor! Freaking hell!" He snapped out of his trance when he heard you yell his name.

He cleared his throat, quickly gathering himself once more, "Yes, darling?"

"Were you even listening to me?"

"Of course, I was." Which, frankly, was a lie.

"Just go to bed, dipshit."

"I don't need sleep."

"Your brain is hijacked, Al." You try to give his ears a scratch. Alastor attempts a dodge but fails. "See? You can't even dodge a simple pet on the head."

"I let you do that."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Darling, you know I don't sleep."

"It was an expression, babe."

He knew you meant it as a joke, a light-humoured name you called him; like how he called you "dear" or "darling".

But he couldn't help the blush that found a way to his face.

"Alastor! You're doing it again!"

"I beg your pardon?" He snaps out from his trance.

"You're dozing off again. Are your radio parts radio-ing properly?"

"I'm not an actual radio, my dear."

"Well, you sure act like a broken down machine." You let out a giggle, him doing the same, but it ultimately sounded like he was buffering.

"You need help." You get up and give him another ruffle behind the ears, catching him off guard. "G'night, Al."

He doesn't respond.

He's too busy screaming internally.

-----

Alastor doesn't do feelings. Yet, here he was a broken mess because of you.

No, this was unacceptable. All he'd work for. His reputation. The danger it'd put you in.

He couldn't afford any of that gone — especially not you.

How was he to get rid of this weird churning he gets in his stomach when you near, though? How was he to stop loving you?

-----

Alastor doesn’t do feelings. He nearly did, once, because of you. But he’d found a way to stop it.

Or so, he thought.

“Good morning, Al.”

Out of everyone in the hotel, you were the one person he could tolerate. Despite your polar interests and behaviour, Alastor actually found it quite enjoyable to be by your side.

Sure, you rarely cursed, was so sweet and couldn’t bare the thought of killing, but Alastor never minded. You were the one person he looked forward to seeing everyday. He would usually only talk to you.

“Husker, may I have a word?” Yet, here Alastor was, completely ignoring your existence like you were some irrelevant imp a few rings down.

“Uh, sure, boss.” Husk sends you a questioning stare as you return the favour.

He didn’t actually have anything to say to him; it just hurt to see you. The feelings still lingered and he couldn’t do jackshit about it.

Staying away from you was only supposed to get rid of his feelings, not intensify them.

“Alastor?” Yet, your voice captivated him in every way possible and his desire to be yours increased.

He simply left the room, and the two of you never spoke after that.

-----

“Alastor doesn’t do feelings, honey.”

“I know, Rosie! But we’re just friends and he knows that.” You take a sip from the tea Rosie prepared for you. “Though, lately, he’s been completely disregarding my presence like I’m the bane of his existence.”

“Don’t look too much into it! I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s just Alastor being Alastor.”

“But it’s not.” You sigh. “Something’s changed between us and I’m not sure what it is.”

“Well, did anything specific happen?”

“I.. I don’t know.” Your voice cracks at the agony. “I just.. Everything was fine that night. I just told him to sleep and the next morning it’s like I never existed.”

“Hm. That does sound odd.”

“Exactly! And I’m not sure what to do or if- if I’ve angered him- or- or maybe he’s sick of me-”

“Honey, breathe.” Rosie’s hand finds yours across the table as she rubs soothing circles on the back of your palm. “It’s in his nature to be sending mixed signals. Just give him time. He’ll come to terms with you eventually.”

“Are.. Are you sure?”

“You came to me for a reason.” She jokes, though her warm smile never left her face.

“Thank you, Rosie.”

-----

Alastor, your beloved strawberry pimp, doesn’t do feelings. He didn’t, he doesn’t and he won’t.

At least, that was before he realised he was catching feelings for you.

He’s tried so hard to ignore it. He’s done everything he could to ignore you, but despite his best efforts, you still found a way to float straight back into his mind.

“Alastor?”

“Yes, darling?” It took him a while to comprehend the fact he accidentally called Husk “darling”. His mind was just filled with thoughts of you.

“Uh.. anyways.” Husk cleared his throat. “You were close with the kid, right?”

“I suppose.” He shrugs, saying it as a matter of fact-ly. “Nothing serious.”

Alastor nearly flinched as he said it himself.

Nothing serious.

But in fact, it was starting to get serious. He was in love with you, head-over-heels obsessed, but he couldn’t come to terms with the fact and decided to push you away.

Fuck. What was he thinking?

“Yes, well I just.. wanted to let ya’ know she’s-”

“In a minute, Husker.” He says, taking off and trying to find you. He had to apologize. He had to talk to you and explain himself. But then, that would mean he had to confess.

Confess. Alastor’s smile widened as he thought of the idea. Blush crept from his face all the way down to his neck and his tail was uncontrollably wagging under his coat.

He loved you.

Turns out, Alastor does, and will do feelings.

-----

“Husker, have you seen her?” After a whole day of looking around the hotel, he couldn’t seem to find you anywhere.

“Her?” He asks, then immediately realising there could only be one her. “I was trying to tell you, boss. The kid.. The kid passed.”

“What?” His smile falters, eyes twitching, but still keeping his composure.

“Some drunk ass dude got hold of an angelic weapon from the last extermination. She was stabbed on her way back from cannibal town.”

The static in his ears were ringing louder by the second. This wasn’t supposed to happen. No, it wasn’t supposed to end like this. He was only supposed to get rid of his feelings, not you.

This whole plan backfired. It was a mistake. He kept what he hadn’t wanted, and lost what he desired.

-----

Alastor doesn’t do feelings.

He does, but only for you. He keeps his heart closed in hopes you’re still somewhere out there.

Any other demon who tries to get with him, ultimately gets turned down.

Alastor doesn’t do feelings, no; but he does feelings. He saves the romantic kind for you. The platonic ones, however, are open doors now because of you.

Alastor didn’t do feelings, but he does now — in hopes he gets redeemed and can find you in heaven.

———[ End. ]———

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cece693 · 3 months ago

Text

Hello (Joe Goldberg x Male! Reader)

Hello. So after however many years, I've decided to begin watching YOU and fell in love. I know Joe's psychotic and a stalker, but how can you look at him and not see a cinnamon roll :)

Summary: A new customer has entered the bookstore and, unsurprisingly, caught the attention of Joe Goldberg. After his disappointment with Beck, can M/N be his one true love?

tags: love at first sight, Joe feeling possessive over male reader, however male isn't what he seems, flirting, fast fast-paced relationship, no smut but hints at it

Hello. And who might you be? Joe’s eyes followed the man. Browsing each aisle with sharp eyes, obviously searching for something but not wanting to ask for help. Dressed in a formal shirt and trousers, it’s clear you work in an office—or perhaps you simply like dressing up. Do you enjoy the attention—the stares that follow you in awe of your beauty? Or perhaps it's a disguise to hide your self-consciousness?

Joe was so focused on analyzing the new customer that he didn’t notice Ethan joining him at the counter, following his gaze. “Wow, what’s up with the weather? First that chick, and now him?” Ethan’s voice broke through Joe’s thoughts, causing him to drop his stare. “What was her name again?” he whispered to himself, snapping his fingers obnoxiously.

Beck. Guinevere Beck.

The person he thought would be his perfect companion was an utter disappointment. When Joe first met her, she seemed perfect—intelligent, charming, and full of life‚ but as time went on, cracks began to show. Beck was just an image she crafted from the people around her, constantly making the wrong choice in matters of her life. Joe tried to fix her but she’d failed—choosing recklessness over stability, lust over love.

Before Ethan could probe further, the new client approached the front desk, holding a book. "I'd like to purchase this." he said, his voice smooth and confident. There was a hint of amusement in his eyes as he glanced between Joe and Ethan as if he’d heard their conversation from across the room. For the first time, Joe was grateful that Ethan picked up on the unspoken tension, making a half-hearted excuse to leave the counter.

Joe looked up from the book and met the man’s gaze. There was something magnetic about him that he couldn’t ignore. “Finding everything you need?” he asked, his voice carefully neutral, though his eyes betrayed his interest.

The man released a knowing smile that made Joe’s pulse quicken. “I think I’ve found what I’m looking for.” he replied, his gaze never leaving him. There was no mistaking the double meaning behind the man’s words. Swallowing nervously, Joe placed the book in a bag and grabbed the money from the client’s hand. He was thrown off balance; no one had been this direct with him before. It was typically him doing the chasing, the planning—did the man have an ulterior motive? Was he sent by Beck?

The silence wasn’t missed by the stranger, who quickly retracted, his expression softening. “Sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s fine,” Joe said, forcing a small smile as he handed the bag over. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice was steadier now, though his heart still raced. “I’m just not used to people being so…upfront.”

“Well, I don’t like wasting time.” The man said with a hint of playfulness. “But I also don’t want to push if you’re not interested.”

Joe’s mind was still reeling, but he couldn’t deny the pull he felt toward this stranger. There was something about him—something different, something that made Joe want to take the risk. “I’m interested.” Joe admitted, his voice barely above a whisper, as if saying it out loud made it more real.

“Good.” the man replied, a glint of satisfaction in his eyes. “Because I’d really like to get to know you better.” Joe nodded, the words lingering in the air between them. He still couldn’t shake the feeling of uncertainty, but there was something about this moment that felt right. Maybe this stranger was the one meant for him. “I’m M/N, by the way.”

“M/N.” Joe repeated, letting the name settle in his mind. It rolled off his tongue heavenly. M/N Goldberg. Perfect. “I’m Joe.”

Seeing another customer heading their way, Joe watched as M/N reached into their pocket and pulled out a card. “Here’s my number. Give me a call sometime.”

Joe took the small piece of paper, feeling its weight in his hand. Without another word, M/N turned and left the store, the bell above the door jingling softly as he disappeared from view. Ethan soon returned and began to babble about M/N’s suaveness, yet Joe barely registered his words. His mind was consumed by how M/N made him feel. It was strange being on the receiving end of flirting, but Joe found it exciting and arousing.

It didn’t take long for Joe to call M/N and much less for them to somewhat fall into a relationship. It was never dull—M/N had a way of keeping Joe on his toes, setting his skin on fire with mere words. They kissed only once, a heat-of-the-moment thing as they were walking back to the car after a dinner out. It was brief but electric, leaving Joe wanting more. And today, he was ready to take the next step. Joe had spent enough time letting M/N lead the way, always waiting for him to initiate. It was only fair that he returned the favor.

They had planned to meet at M/N’s apartment tonight, under the guise of watching a movie, but even before M/N could greet him after opening the door, Joe launched himself at the man, kissing him passionately. The impact made M/N stagger back, his hands instinctively grabbing onto Joe’s hips for balance.

“I want you.” Joe murmured, drawing back just enough to speak, his breath warm against M/N’s lips. His eyes were dark with desire, the usual careful composure nowhere to be found.

M/N blinked, taken aback by the intensity of Joe’s actions, but a slow, appreciative smile spread across his face. “Well, that’s a hell of a greeting.” he teased, his voice low and husky. But the playful tone didn’t mask the heat in his gaze as he pulled Joe closer, their bodies pressing together. Joe didn’t respond with words. Instead, he captured M/N’s lips again, pouring all the pent-up emotion and desire he had been holding back into the kiss. It was hungry, almost desperate, as if he was afraid that if he didn’t act now, the moment would slip away.

Finally, M/N broke the kiss, both of them panting for breath. He looked at Joe with a mixture of amusement and arousal, his eyes flicking to the open door before returning to Joe’s flushed face. “We should probably get inside before the neighbors get a show.”

Joe nodded, a small, breathless laugh escaping him as he realized just how quickly things had escalated. He stepped back, allowing M/N to close the door behind them. But the moment the door clicked shut, something inside Joe snapped. He grabbed M/N with sudden urgency, pushing him onto the couch with a force driven by pure, uncontainable desire.

Straddling M/N, their lips met again in an all-consuming kiss, filled with a desperate need that neither of them could deny. Clothes were discarded carelessly, tossed aside without a second thought—every touch, every kiss, sent shockwaves through Joe’s body, intensifying the fire that burned within him.

As he looked down at M/N, taking in the sight of his swollen, ruby-red lips and the way his hair had become a tousled mess, something primal surged within him. M/N looked utterly irresistible, and the thought of anyone else seeing him like this, touching him like this, drove Joe wild with possessiveness.

“You’re mine.” He murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he traced his fingers along M/N’s jawline, his touch both tender and demanding.

M/N’s eyes darkened with desire, a small, knowing smile curving his lips. But instead of responding immediately, he shifted beneath Joe, his hands gripping Joe’s hips with a firm, commanding touch. “Are you sure about that?” M/N asked, his voice low and challenging, a playful glint in his eyes. “Because I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around.”

Before Joe could respond, M/N took control, flipping their positions so that Joe was the one lying on his back, pinned beneath him. The sudden shift made Joe’s heart race, the thrill of being overpowered sending a shiver down his spine. M/N hovered over him, his gaze intense, his smile widening as he saw the effect it had on Joe. “You like it when I take charge, don’t you?” M/N whispered, leaning down to brush his lips against Joe’s in a teasing kiss, barely giving him a taste before pulling back.

“Say it.” M/N commanded softly, his voice steady and authoritative. His hands trailed down Joe’s sides, his touch both possessive and tender. “Tell me you’re mine, Joe.”

Joe’s eyes fluttered shut, his body responding instinctively to the command in M/N’s voice. “I’m yours.” he whispered, the words barely audible as he surrendered completely to the moment. “Only yours.”

“Good,” M/N replied, satisfaction evident in his tone. “Because I don’t like sharing.” He captured Joe’s lips in a searing kiss, his hands exploring Joe’s body with a confidence that left no doubt about who was in control.

#you #joe goldberg #you netflix #x male reader #male reader #love quinn #slasher fandom #slashers #slasher community #joe goldberg x male reader

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d0youc0py · 1 year ago

Note

Can I you do the 141+Konig (or whoever you’d like) realizing that reader feels safe with them?

Love your work!!!!

To outside eyes it was something so simple- but to him it was the highest form of a compliment.

The group was sprawled out all over the living room preparing for the weekly movie night and somewhere between Gaz and Soap arguing who’s turn it was to pick the movie- you had fallen asleep.

Not just that- you had fallen asleep on him. His arm had been draped over the back of the couch and when you could no longer fight back sleep, his side was the perfect pillow. He knew you probably didn’t mean too, but just the fact your bodies natural instinct was to fall in his direction was enough to send a warm buzz through his body.

Sleep had always been a touchy subject for Ghost and Simon. He was lucky if he slept more than four hours a night. Being a light sleeper and falling victim of night terrors made nighttime his least favorite time. He disliked the vulnerability of it.

So the fact that you trusted him in your most vulnerable state was rather precious.

And a mission he wouldn’t take lightly.

Your skin had been crawling for the last fifteen minutes. You’d hope that by ignoring his unspoken advancements he would take a hint, but you were wrong. You peaked at him from the corner of your eyes. He wasn’t unattractive. He had nice features- chiseled but still approachable. Yet something about him just twisted your stomach. Maybe it was the way his eyes were glued to your ass.

Could you handle it yourself- absolutely. Did you feel like having to prove yourself in a bar full of people that you could take care of it yourself- not really. Especially not when you had a Big Bad Captain who could handle it with just a glare. You quickly excused yourself from the rest of the 141, heading over to where Captain Price and Laswell were gossiping.

“Sorry if this is confidential, but a guy over there is giving me the creeps.” You explained.

“The one in the blue jacket?” Price smirked. You went wide eyed and nodded your head wondering how he knew. “Been eyeing you since we walked in. I’ve been keeping an eye on him.” He held out his arm for you and you quickly linked arms with him. The simple action was enough to cause the man to sneer and grumble something to himself. You shot Price a smile and he shot you back a wink.

“That’s why I come to you when I’m scared.” You complimented. You didn’t know it but that comment was the ego boost of a lifetime for him.

Your vision was starting to turn foggy. Buildings became less sharp, people became blurry figures and the ground was looking mighty comfortable. You hands gripped your abdomen the other pressed against the wall.

Your eyes scanned the area, hoping to come across a familiar mohawk. You thought the best route would be to follow the sound of explosions, but that was just bringing you closer to the action.

“Y/N?!” Johnny boomed from behind you. You sighed in relief your back hitting the wall. He caught you before you could sink down completely. “Steamin Jesus.” He grumbled. He worked quick, tearing off a piece of his sleeve and holding it tightly against you wound. He called for an evac. “Why didn’t you call for help?” He scolded. You rested your forehead against his.

“I wanted you.” You mumbled. His hardened face softened- a smile almost ghosting his features. You were sure if you weren’t bleeding out he would’ve made some snarky comment, but neither of you had the energy.

“I’ve got you.” He whispered, letting you rest against him.

You don’t know why you agreed to this. Well technically you all voted and you lost but you probably could’ve put up a bigger fight. You hated horror movies. You’d think they wouldn’t bother you given your line of work but you were wrong. You had your sweater pulled up to your forehead trying to block out the urge to take a peak at the TV.

You eventually caved and peaked just in time for a jump scare. You heard a stifled chuckle come from the couch across from you. Kyle was biting back a smile, mouthing a ‘you good.’ You nodded feeling determined to not let the movie get the best of you. That plan was sort lived as a scene so brutal even Ghost had to look away, crossed the screen.

“Don’t be babies!” Soap yelled. You had had enough. While the others were engrossed in the movie you quietly crept over to Kyle’s side of the couch.

“Can I sit with you?” You mumbled. He quickly nodded his head expecting you to sit near him- not press yourself against his side. He chuckled softly, removing his arm from the back of the couch resting it around you.

“You know, performing an exorcism has always been on my bucket list. You’d be in good hands.” He’s always so cheeky.

“Not nice.” You grumbled, sending him a glare. He put his feet up on the coffee table and relaxed against the couch. The calmness in his body started to spread to yours, and pretty soon you had fallen asleep. He was absolutely going to tease you about this later- but for now he was enjoying the prideful bubble in his chest. You had chosen him.

Price tried to take a picture of you two but his flash went off causing everyone to scream.

“Colonel.” You hummed, knocking at the door. His eyes shot it away from his IPad trying to adjust to the darkness of the room.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, beginning to stand up. You shook your hands.

“Nothing.” You lied. You had a nightmare. One so bad your body was still trembling.

“It’s three in the morning. What’s wrong?” He pressed. He stood up, cracking his back. His eyes had finally adjusted enough to see your tear stained face and shaking shoulders. Suddenly he realized. He had woken up enough times like that himself. He walked around his desk and grabbed a spare blanket from underneath the couch. “Come here.”

You did as you were told, smiling softly as he wrapped the fluffy blanket around your body. “You can sleep in here. I have to pull an all-nighter anyways.” He grumbled that last part to himself.

“I won’t bother you?”

“No.” He assured, grabbing a pillow from under the couch. “You’re not the only one who could benefit from some company right now.” You could hear the smile in his voice. You snuggled into the couch and he trudged back over to his desk.

“Thanks Konig.” You mumbled before you finally fell back asleep. He took a moment to stare at your sleeping form. There had been many times he wished someone was there for him in moments of weakness. He was honored you had chosen him to be that person for you.

Thank you for your kind words!

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yangfleurs · 2 years ago

Text

he calls you clingy (pt. 2)

maknae line

pt. 1

jisung

your fingers pressed keys like you were running on autopilot. it had been hours since your argument with jisung at the convenience store and you had no time to so much as even process how upset you were still about it. instead, your eyes stayed glued to the laptop screen, the same way it had been for the past few hours, all the way from the afternoon to well into the night.

you stretched a little, feeling delirious at this point. the soft, continuous grumbles in your stomach had quickly morphed into a gnawing, unbearable pain. you were starving, and with no money in your pockets and your food with jisung, you were stuck sipping on water to momentarily satiate you.

not only were you running on a stomach so empty it felt like it was trying to digest itself, but you were beyond exhausted. you had been hunched in the same position for the entire time you had been in the library, only getting up once to use the restroom. the worst part was that you still had a whole page left to write, and it was only a matter of time until the library closed. even with finals scheduling, the library would close at midnight---only half an hour from now.

you sighed, focusing back in on your paper, praying you would be able to finish it in the remaining time. you typed quickly, putting in your best effort. just as you had gotten back into your paper, a familiar voice perked your ears up.

“y/n? y/n! are you here?” jisung’s loud voice permeated the quiet library, making you cringe. you knew he’d be getting shushed by the librarian any second now and just as you thought it, an aggressive “shhh!” came just in time, making jisung apologize in a still very audible “sorry”.

as much as you wanted to turn and lead him to you, you were still pissed. he didn’t come for you when you walked away from him, you weren’t going to help him find you after the fact. you went back to work, letting him search cluelessly. it’s the very least he should suffer after what he’d put you through earlier in the day. you yawned, getting back to your work.

“y/n! did you not hear me yell for you?” you heard a voice next to you whisper-yell suddenly. you jumped, turning to face an obviously stressed out jisung.

“I did.” you muttered plainly, turning back to your work, “I don’t have time for you right now. you can leave.”

you saw jisung flinch a little at your callous tone, but you didn’t care even a little. you were busy and if he got to be an asshole, you could be a little selfish and worry about your own issues, too.

“y/n, please, we need to talk.” he said in exasperation.

“again, I’m busy. leave.”

“I’m sorry!” he blurted out.

“I don’t care, jisung. you had literal hours to do this, where the hell were you?” you sighed, “and besides, right now is not a good time. I need to finish this.” you mumbled.

“I thought you needed space. y/n, please---”

“jisung. go. home.” you said sternly, eyes never leaving the computer.

he gulped, finally relenting to your tone, but not before grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him.

“I will wait outside until you’re done.” he told you firmly, turning and speeding off before you got a chance to protest.

you just sighed. you checked the time---twenty minutes. you just needed to crank out another half a page and you would be done. you forced yourself to keep your eyes open and ignore the aches in your stomach as you willed yourself to continue typing.

♡♡♡

you stretched, feeling accomplished as you stumbled out of the doors of your school library fifteen minutes past midnight. the librarian kindly let you finish your paper after a desperate plea and you turned in the paper early. you would be able to focus on other things now, like studying for your upcoming exams and---

“y/n!”

jisung.

you didn’t walks towards him, letting him come over to you to talk. you didn’t say anything, not wanting to deal with the hurt he’d caused even now. you held your breath as you waited for him to join you.

“babe,” he sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

“are you?” you replied nonchalantly, rolling your eyes.

“I-I am! I feel really terrible about how I treated you a-and it wasn’t fair to you.” he stuttered, picking at the skin of his fingers.

you hummed, feeling the exhaustion settle into you once again. “I don’t forgive you.” you said.

“w-what?” he grabbed your arm abruptly, making you face him. “why?” he asked meekly.

you took a deep, deep breath before you finally decided to spill. “you basically called me a needy bitch in front of the convenience store employee and made me seem like a clingy child. not to mention, you didn’t even bother to find me to apologize until hours after the fact. there’s literally no excuse for that, jisung. you had no right to make me feel so awful.” you sniffled a little as the hurt hit you again like a fresh wave.

“I know there’s no excuse, y/n. that’s why all I can say is that I’m really sorry. I mean it, I really do.” he said softly, looking down.

“whatever, I just want to go home.” you mumbled. you clearly weren’t going to get an explanation from him and you were too tired to put up a fight. you just wanted to go home, raid the fridge, and then knock out.

you both walked home in silence, neither one of you wanting to break the tension between you both. as you finally arrived to your apartment, jisung opened the door and let you in first. he made a beeline for the bedroom without a word, closing the door behind him as a way to tell you he needed to be alone. you rolled your eyes and sighed. of course he needed to be alone once again, even after being without you for the whole day.

you shedded your jacket and left it on the couch. you headed straight to the kitchen, looking for something that would satiate you. but as you passed the dining table you saw a covered bowl with a sticky note stuck to it.

my y/n,

it isn’t a lot and I know it isn’t enough for me to earn your forgiveness but I hope it’s enough to fill your stomach for now. I’m so sorry, and I love you always.

jisung

you uncovered the bowl and found a big serving of omurice, decorated with lots of cut up vegetables and a cute ketchup heart to top it. it was falling apart but it warmed your heart. you were touched; it was obvious jisung had worked really hard on it, and considering how he was usually terrible at cooking to the point where he never tried, this was a big step of sincerity from him. it was as if you could feel his apology radiating from the warm meal.

you made your way straight to your bedroom without a second thought, ignoring the obvious sign of jisung wanting to be alone and bursting through the door. you were met with a jisung curled up in bed, completely wrapped up in the sheets and staring up at the ceiling. his head snapped towards you.

“thank you for cooking for me.” you gulped, as you met his eyes.

he looked at you blankly, blinking a couple times. he then started tearing up, and a few spilled tears soon became an unstoppable faucet pouring out of his eyes.

you rushed over to him, wiping the tears as he cried loudly.

“I’m r-really s-sorry, y-you know that r-right?” he wailed, wrapping his blanket-covered arms around you.

“I know, I know. it’s okay.” you rubbed his back to soothe him.

“I just wanted to be alone and I took it too far and I know I shouldn’t have been so harsh, you’re never too clingy for me, I shouldn’t have ever accused you of something so stupid, and I should’ve ran after you, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” he rambled, holding you tighter.

you shushed him lightly, holding him tightly and telling him everything was okay. you both stayed like that until jisung had finally calmed down from full waterworks to an occasional soft hiccup. you slowly pulled away to meet his eyes. you smiled a little to reassure him and he returned it, sniffling lightly. he stood up and grabbed your hand.

“come on, I’m gonna watch you eat every last bite. my poor baby must be starving.” he pouted, dragging you to the dining table.

“what if it’s bad?” you quirked an eyebrow at him as you sat down at the table.

“you’ll eat it anyway because you’re hungry and you love me so much.” he nodded with conviction, scooping the food into your mouth.

“mmm...salty.” you mumbled as you chewed.

“hmmm what was that? it’s good? thank you, baby.” he complimented himself as he shoveled another bite into your already full mouth.

you laughed loudly, almost choking on your food, making jisung laugh with you.

felix

the doorknob of your front door jingling and creaking open is what awakens you from your deep sleep. you groaned, slowly opening your eyes to see felix bent down and undoing his shoes.

“hey, baby! I missed you so much earlier today and changbin said I should come down here and sleep at your place instead of the dorms and I thought it was such a great idea, I have so much to talk to you about---” he rambled on as he put his jacket away and put his shoes on the shoe rack.

you don’t say anything as he shuffles around, immediately sending warning signals off in felix’s head. he finally turned to look at your spot on the sofa and his eyes widened as he took in your bleak appearance.

“y/n...what’s wrong?” he asked softly, rushing over to comfort you, “bad day, baby?” he whispered, going to wrap his arms around you. you flinched out of grip and stood up abruptly, walking away from him with no particular destination in mind. you just couldn’t stand to be comforted by the same person who had put you in this awful condition in the first place.

“y/n?” the panic in his voice was clear as day, “did I do something, love? come on, let’s talk about it. please?” he scurried towards you anxiously, gently gripping your wrist. he stood behind you, waiting for you to open up. you gulped and sighed shakily.

“go back to the dorms, I’m tired and you woke me up.” your voice cracked as you walked away from him and into your bedroom, locking the door so you could break down.

“y-y/n!” he knocked against the door, “baby, please tell me what’s wrong.” he yelled in distress. you curled up in your bed, using your pillow to muffle your crying. you didn’t even notice the knocking stop after a while past the sound of your own sobs. you couldn’t be bothered to check what happened, too exhausted by your emotions and an entirely too overwhelming day. you soon fell asleep to the sound of your own hiccuping cries.

♡♡♡

you woke up the next morning feeling renewed and with a fresh perspective. you washed your face in the bathroom and combed out your hair. after a long night of sporadic crying and contemplating, you had made up your mind, deciding you would give felix exactly what he wanted. if he thought you needed too much attention, then you could just stop seeking that attention from him. as much as it made your heart ache, you swallowed the pain and told yourself this was what felix wanted. you headed out of the bedroom and found felix at the foot of your door.

“y/n? are you alright, baby? do you want to talk about last night?” felix shot up right away, shaking all signs of drowsiness off as soon as he saw you.

“I’m fine, just a rough day at work.” you smiled, walking past him. you made your coffee as he joined you in the kitchen.

“you’re sure?” he asked cautiously, wrapping his arms around your waist. you froze up a little, not leaning into his touch like you would usually.

you hummed and ignored the suspicious look on his face. you poured your coffee and quickly rushed out of the kitchen.

“you aren’t making mine?” he pouted. it was your daily routine to make both of your coffees, but you couldn’t. not anymore, anyways.

“nope, gotta head out. bye, lix.” you said quickly, not even stopping to kiss him or tell him “I love you”.

“alright, I love you!” he yelled after you. a door shutting was the only reply he received.

♡♡♡

as much as your sudden cold attitude bothered felix, he knew he didn’t have time right now to worry about it. it weighed heavy on him though, and the members could tell as soon as he started practicing.

“you alright, lix?” chan asked him, throwing him a water bottle, “it’s not like you to miss steps, especially in the chorus.”

“I don’t know, hyung,” he sighed, “y/n’s been acting weird. she hasn’t texted all day, she didn’t stay to eat with us yesterday and then she texted earlier saying she couldn’t come by for lunch after practice, either. I’m just confused and worried.” he spilled to his best friend.

“well, did you try to talk to her? maybe she’s just busy with work.” chan suggested.

“no, I know y/n. and I’ve seen her busy with work, and this isn’t it. there is something else bothering her, but she won’t talk to me about it.” he sat down, feeling defeated.

“go home early today. you’re not gonna get anything done here when your mind is somewhere else.” chan said, patting him on the back before heading back to practice.

felix didn’t argue with him at all. he wanted nothing more than to go home to you and relieve some of the anxiety he felt. he quickly packed his things and waved a goodbye to the members before heading to your apartment. he walked slowly, thinking through all of the things he wanted to ask you. his mind raced as he thought of all the possible reasons you could be acting the way you did. he walked up the familiar stairs of your apartment complex and took a deep breath as he stood in front of your door. he let himself in and saw you watching tv on the couch.

“hey.” he announced his presence as he took his shoes and jacket off.

“hi.” you said shortly, glancing at him for a quick second before going back to the show. not just any show either, but the show you were watching together with felix.

“you’re watching without me?” his heart sank. even if it was a small thing, it hurt him.

“yeah, I got tired of waiting, sorry.” you mumbled, not looking at him.

“y/n.”

“hm?”

“we need to talk.”

“about...?”

he grabbed the remote out of your hand abruptly, quickly shutting off the tv and standing in front of you.

“baby, what is the matter? I know you and this isn’t like you at all. talk to me, please?” he asked desperately, sitting next to you on the sofa and holding your hand in between his. you stayed silent, not wanting to look at him. you knew the second you did, you wouldn’t be able to keep your guard up any longer. you avoided his eyes, pulling your hand away from him.

“I’m fine.” you muttered, picking at the fabric of your pants to distract yourself.

“no, you’re not,” felix’s voice cracked, “and it’s killing me that you won’t tell me. I’m so worried I can’t even eat, sleep, or work, I can’t think of anything except you.” you knew that tone in his voice too well and it sent a rush of panic through your spine. he weeped quietly, trying to hide the soft whimpers that escaped him and wiping his cheeks furiously.

you got up, suddenly feeling suffocated. you rushed to the bedroom so you could let your tears run free away from felix. the tears rolled down your face freely and even the clamped hand over your mouth wasn’t enough to hide the sobs rising from within you. as much as you wanted to hold it together for felix, you couldn’t stand the sight of him upset or hurting. it was too much for your heart to bear.

you heard the sound of light footsteps enter the bedroom as you cried. in the midst of your panic, you realized that you’d neglected to lock the door behind you. you felt felix’s arms snake around your waist as he pulled you flush against him. he buried his face into your shoulder, saying nothing.

“what’s hurting my baby this much, hm?” he whispered into your ear, still sniffling and tearing up.

you turned to face him, putting some distance between the both of you. you couldn’t stand it anymore. this was clearly hurting you more than you could handle and it wasn’t making felix happy either, so what was the point? you couldn’t hold back anymore.

“you think I’m clingy and needy for attention! I overheard you talking to chan y-yesterday so don’t even try lying!” you wailed out, crying inconsolably.

“is that what this is about?” he cried out.

“so it’s true?” you yelled out, crying even harder at his immediate acceptance.

“y/n, oh my god! if you had just listened for another five seconds none of this would’ve happened,” he held your face with both hands, wiping your tears aways with his thumbs. “I did say you were clingy and that you needed a lot more attention than what I’m used to. but I love those things about you, baby. I love taking care of you, it makes me so happy. and I love that you do just as much for me.” he smiled through his tears as he looked you in the eyes.

“really? you said that?” you sniffled.

“yes, I swear! do you want me to call chan? I can call him, he’ll tell you the same thing, I promise.”

“I believe you.” you hiccuped. you reached over and wiped his tears as he wiped yours.

“I love you.” he sighed contently, pulling you into a tight hug and kissing the top of your head firmly.

“I love you, too.” you mumbled into his chest.

“if you really love me,” he quipped, “you’ll restart the new episode so we can watch together.”

“okay, come on!” you giggled, running back to the living room with his hand tightly holding yours.

seungmin

you woke up with a soft groan as your eyes met the pitch black darkness of your living room. your neck and back ached as you sat up and checked the time on your phone.

4:50 a.m.

you sighed, getting up to use the bathroom when you stumbled on something hard in front of you.

“shit!” you yelled, catching yourself on the coffee table before you fell.

“what, what happened?” the something, or someone rather, in front of you said frantically as he shot up from his sleep.

“seungmin? why the hell are you asleep on the floor?” you asked him, bewildered.

“are you okay, first of all?” he asked, still catching his breath from the adrenaline rush of being kicked awake.

“yes, I’m fine. explain yourself.” you crossed you arms and looked down at him.

he stayed quiet, picking at his fingers and pulling the blanket on him closer to his chest. seeing he wasn’t budging, you sighed and turned.

“wh-where are you going?” he blurted out.

“the bathroom. you figure out an explanation before I come back.” you yawned, walking away to use the restroom. you took your time, trying hard to fight the drowsiness that kept washing over you. you hated being awake at this time of the night, and knowing the conversation waiting ahead of you, you dreaded leaving the comfort of your bathroom even more.

after a solid fifteen minutes, you dragged yourself back to the living room, where seungmin had moved up onto the couch with his blanket. he passed you a cup of tea as you sat next to him and pulled your blanket over you. he took a deep breath and looked down at his own cup.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled, “how could I? when you were asleep in the living room by yourself? I couldn’t stop thinking about something bad happening. what if someone came in and hurt you?” he sighed shakily, “so I thought I should come sleep next to you, even if it meant sleeping on the floor. then, if something did happen, I could protect you.” he looked to the side, clearly embarrassed at how vulnerable he was being with you.

you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his and kissed the top of his hand. “I’m really grateful for you,” you smiled weakly, “but we do still have to talk about what you said before we went to sleep.” you reminded him.

he cringed at the memory before he spoke up again. “I’m sorry. I know it’s no excuse but practice has been exhausting me to the point where I can’t even think about anything other than resting. I know you meant well trying to get me to eat, you always do. I’m grateful for it---for you---even if I have a shitty way of showing it.” he gave you an apologetic half smile as you leaned on his shoulder and hummed.

“to be fair, i was kind of pushy.” you chuckled.

“you were right to be, I would’ve done the same if it was you.” he nodded.

“well, the sun is already rising and we both skipped dinner, so...” you thought carefully, “you’re forgiven if you pay for breakfast.” you winked.

“deal! go put on your jacket.” he said giddily, getting up to grab his own.

jeongin

you huffed, still buzzing from the anger of the situation that happened only moments ago. you couldn’t believe jeongin lied about you to his friends so blatantly like that, making you look bad just so he could save face. you buckled yourself into your car and took a deep breath, trying to calm down a little before driving. you knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to drive while your emotions were raging, but you had to get away from the dorms, and jeongin, as soon as possible to escape the embarrassment you felt.

you drove off towards your home, your mind wandering as you tried to think about anything but jeongin. you sighed, hoping for your phone to go off any moment with a text or call from jeongin soon. as upset as you were, you didn’t want something so stupid to jeopardize your relationship.

as if it read your mind, your phone started ringing. you snapped your head towards the passenger seat to see who it was out of instinct. you went to check your phone and subconsciously started steering towards the right. out of nowhere, your steering was met with a harsh stop and you jerked forward, hitting your chest against the steering wheel. you groaned at the pain, looking up to see that you had hit a pole to the side of the road when you had gotten distracted.

the phone kept ringing as you reached over to grab it, feeling an agonizing pain shoot through your abdomen. you declined the call coming from jeongin and dialed for an ambulance.

♡♡♡

you laid quietly in the hospital bed, breathing shallowly to not aggravate the pain you were in. the doctor checked you carefully before turning to let you know your condition.

“alright, y/n, looks like you just strained your neck a little and have a bruised rib. these will heal on their own with some time, but I’ll prescribe some meds to help with the pain.” the doctor told you, smiling as you nodded.

“we’ve contacted your guardian to come get you. you can fill out the release papers in the meantime.” the nurse said, handing you a clipboard.

you gulped, filling out the information as you thought of how jeongin was probably reacting to being told you were at the hospital for a car accident. just moments later, you heard his voice fill the hospital with a panicked air as he asked the receptionist for you. you felt his eyes on you as the receptionist directed him towards you. you heard his hurried steps as he walked to where you were.

“y/n! oh my god, baby, are you okay? they said you were in an accident, but they didn’t tell me how bad it was, let me check you.” he started poking at you immediately, lifting your arms and legs to check for bruising. you hissed loudly as he tilted your head, feeling the burning pain in your neck from the strain.

“shit, did I hurt you?” he gasped as he stepped away from you.

“I’m okay,” you sighed, “ just a strained neck and a bruised rib.” you mumbled.

“I’m so sorry about earlier, y/n. I was out of line lying like that just to save face in front of the boys. I told them the truth right after you left.” he looked down, ashamed.

“it’s okay, but if you ever do it again, jeongin, I won’t be so forgiving. that shit hurts.” you sighed, receiving an earnest nod from him.

“I promise. now tell me, what happened, y/n?” he asked you gently, holding your hands and crouching to meet your eyes.

“it’s not important.” you muttered. you knew jeongin, and you knew if you told him that the reason you crashed your car was to answer his call, it would crush him.

“ please?” he coaxed you, squeezing your hands.

“I-I went to check my phone and got distracted,” you whispered.

he dropped your hands right away, getting up and distancing himself from you, “jeongin---”

“It’s my fault, I’m sorry.” he stood away from you, not daring to look at you. he was tearing up and you knew it. the guilt was evident on his face as he wiped his face harshly, “I’m sorry.” his voice cracked.

“jeongin, why would it be your fault? it’s just an unfortunate situation. besides, I’m okay.” you smiled at him, slowly getting up to get closer to him.

“you might’ve not been.” he sighed shakily.

“but I am. and that’s what matters.” you hugged him cautiously, cringing a little at the pain radiating from your ribs.

“hey come on, sit down, you’re already in so much pain.” he nagged, leading you back to the hospital bed.

“baby, can I ask something from you?” he turned to listen to you.

“anything.” he nodded intently.

“get me out of here.” you moaned.

“on it!” he chuckled, kissing you on the forehead and getting up.

#skz angst #skz fanfic #skz fluff #skz headcanons #skz imagines #skz reactions #stray kids #stray kids fluff #stray kids reactions #stray kids headcanons #stray kids angst #skz han #skz scenarios #skz #skz felix #skz seungmin #skz i.n #skz jisung #skz jeongin

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simjaexy · 5 months ago

Text

𝙊𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙖𝙣 | 𝙇.𝙃.

Pairing ⇀ Bf! Lee Heeseung x Fem! Reader

Synopsis ⇀ You had a stressful day at work and topping it all with coming back home to Heeseung getting nothing done around the house. Angry, you ignore him, but he has ways for you to forgive him.

Genre ⇀ Smut

Warning ⇀ MINORS DNI!, Pussy eating, Multiple orgasms, Face riding, Choking, Riding, Grinding, Hard sex, Unprotected sex, Overstimulation, Cursing

A/n ⇀ Not proofread. I decided to write this cause I was bored. Reblog, Like, Comment, etc!

Masterlist here

“Y/n you’re free to go.” You coworker said. You gave her a nod and began to pack your stuff.

Finally after seven hours of working, you can go home. You worked your ass off to get payed well. You couldn’t wait to come back home to the smell of fresh air and cuddling with your boyfriend, Heeseung.

You said goodbye to your coworkers and headed out the doors. You breathed in the nice air. It was already night so you just couldn’t wait to hit the bed with Heeseung.

You unlocked your car door and got in. Before you started your car you dialed Heeseung number off your phone. It went through five times before it said to leave a voicemail.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Why didn’t he answered? You decided to ignore it and just drive home.

Once you made it home you unlocked the door and noticed the dishes weren’t done. You thought Heeseung was still cleaning the living room, but walking in there it was messy.

Some pillows were on the ground and your favorite blanket was not folded. You didn’t even wanna know if the laundry was done.

You opened the door to see your boyfriend playing games with his friends. He was yelling the mic, but even knowing you were present.

“No Sunghoon! Other side! Other side!” He ranted. You glared at him and cleared your throat to make him notice you. Once he finally did notice you he gave you a grin.

“Hey baby.” He said. You were gonna complain but he cut you off.

“No not you Jake! I’m talking to Y/n.” He hissed. You sighed and slammed the door. You couldn’t believe you actually believed him when he said he was gonna clean.

You went to the kitchen and filled the sink with water and soap. You felt your body going numb from the overwork you were doing.

You started washing the plates and setting them on the rack. You heard the bedroom door open. Heeseung popped his head out, confused on why you slammed the door.

Once he fully came out he witnessed you doing the dishes. Shit. He completely forgot to clean. He was so mad at Jake for saying he wasn’t good at COD and lost track of time.

He went near you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You rolled your eyes, “Get off me Heeseung.” You snapped.

You never called him Heeseung. Were you that mad at him?

“Baby I’m sorry. I lost track of time and didn’t notice-“ “Notice that the whole house is a mess? Seriously Heeseung! You had one job and that was just to clean the house! I come back home for it to be clean! Not to be messy!” You yelled.

Heeseung stared at you surprised. He really did fuck up. He cupped your face, feeling guilt in his chest.

“Baby I didn’t mean to lose track of time.” He muttered. You looked down. He lifted your face back up and gave you a peck. As much as you wanted to deny it, you couldn’t.

He have pecks along your face until he stopped in your lips. He started off slow and sensual before going harder.

He gripped your neck causing you to gasp. He took that chance to slide his tongue in. You both sloppily wrapped your tongues around each other causing you to moan.

He gripped your ass with his other hand making you grind down on his cloth dick. He groaned and broke the kiss apart.

“How about I make it up to you yeah?” He breathed. He looked so hot with his messy hair and breathing heavily.

You nodded you head as he picked you up making you let out a squeak. He took you in your guys shared bedroom and lay you down on the bed.

He went on top of you and started to kiss down your jaw making you whimper. He unzipped your pants down and took them off. You put your our your legs between his head as he prodded at your cloth pussy.

You sighed when you felt him kiss it. He moved your underwear to the side and gave it kitten licks making you let out a breathy moan. He started going faster when he felt your bud get hard and sucked on it.

You squeaked and wrapped your fingers in his messy hair. “Seungie! Oh god!” You breathed out. You felt Heeseung smile against you clit and gave it a long lick making your eyes roll back.

He continued sucking on your bud until he finally put his tongue hue in your hole. You couldn’t hold back your moans as he started at a fast pace. You felt a knot in your stomach and started grinding on his face.

“Hee! I’m gonna cum!” You screamed out. He shoved his tongue in your hole and squeezed your bud in with his hand and that was the last thing you felt before an orgasm crushed on you.

Your eyes rolled back as your legs tensed up. He licked your cum and stared up at you. His eyes filled with list while his mouth was covered in glistening cum.

You bit your lip and cupped his cheek. He took your hand and stood up, pressing your hand on his hard dick. He pulled down his sweatpants and boxers revealing his dick.

You got up and went on your knees. You grabbed his dick and began to give it kitten licks making him groan. You put all of it in your mouth in one go making him let out a loud moan.

You began sucking at a ruthless pace as he held onto your head. You took him in so well. “Fuck baby, you’re so good at this. Love how you take it.” He purred. You felt more slick coming out your pussy at the words and started hollowing your cheeks.

He cursed and started shoving his dick deeper in your mouth making you gag, but still kept going. He felt an orgasm approaching causing him to take his dick out your mouth.

You whined at the loss contact. He made you stand your ground and put you back on the bed. He went on top of you again and put his dick near your entrance. He grabbed his dick and rubbed it up and down on your pussy making you arch your back and mewl.

He finally put it in and sucked in a breath. You were so right around him. He threw his head back and let out a moan. “Jesus baby, we fucked yesterday and you’re still so tight.” He said.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and lowered him. He kissed your neck and sucked on it while you grinded on his dick.

“Please move Seungie.” You whispered. He smirked against you neck and came back up. he wrapped his hand around you neck and that’s when he started going at a ruthless pace.

He started fucking your wet cunt and growled. You felt so wet and tight. Your gummy walls milking his wet dick. Your eyes rolled back when he started hitting your prostate.

“Oh my god!” You screamed. You felt his girthy dick going in and out of you causing you to see stars. You felt another orgasm approaching making you cry out.

“I’m gonna cum! Cumming!” You whined. Heeseung grinned at your state. Messy hair, glossy eyes, tears on your cheeks, saliva running down your mouth. You were a fucking angel to him.

He continued going at the same ruthless pace making your orgasm come faster. He felt you squeezing around him making him grind in you. That’s when you felt the knot in your stomach finally snapping.

You let out a silent scream as he continued fucking you through your orgasm. He sighed at the feeling of you cum around his hard dick.

“Oh fuck. Gonna cum baby. Want me to cum inside you? Yeah?” He teased. You quickly nodded your head. He kissed your cheek calling you a ‘good girl’ before finally cumming inside you.

His warm liquid filling you up so much. You milked his now soft dick and whimpered. He pulled out and fell next to you. You both were panting hard.

He looked at you and smiled, “I hope you can forgive me angel. I really didn’t mean to lose track of time.” He admitted.

You looked over at him and smiled, “I’m sorry for getting mad at you Hee.” You replied. He let out a breathy laugh and pulled you close in a hug.

“Next time I’ll clean everything. I promise.” He said. You smiled and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll look forwards to that.”

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lonelystarrs · 1 year ago

Text

𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚, 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝑴𝒚 𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆?

Satoru Gojo x FemReader

He just couldn’t leave his pretty wife alone, as long as he hears his nickname.

This is part of my Him & I story on ao3 linked here. But can be read as stand alone, hence posting here :) see end for story details if interested.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI + Public sex + FemOral receiving + praise + HusbandGojo! +

You had no idea how he managed to work his way into the changing rooms and the question was so far at the back of your mind when his tongue circled your clit. The low moan he gave out was enough to make you clench, his ridiculously long fingers pushing in to the hilt spreading you open so his tongue give your clit the attention it wanted.

“S-Satoru you gotta -oh fuck, hah-“ your nails threaded through his ridiculously soft white hair, gripping it into your fingers and tugging at a weak attempt to get him to stop “-mmm, you need to stop, we can’t-“

“Satoru? Babyyyy, c’mon that’s no way to talk to your amazing husband,” he slurred against your cunt peering up at you over his glasses, blue eyes shining like the slick on his chin “-what’s my name, hmm?”

He was rough with his tongue, his timing damn perfect as he slid his fingers out, back in and scissoring them not letting you respond, your head rolled back against the wall behind you, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip but it didn’t stop the whine behind them. Your hips rolling against him, ignoring the shadows of people dancing under the gap at the bottom of the changing room door. Their chit chat voices dulling out into distant noise.

“Sorry, what was that?” He taunted, humming against you in some faked obliviousness that he wasn’t causing your frustration “-you really want me to stop huh?”

You whined when he pulled back, giving you a fake pout with a little tantrum like sigh, lifting his thumb to rub a circle around your clit gaze focused on how his digits spread you open, seeing how your cunt glistened with slick and spit, watching you clench around him as your cunt pulsed.

“Such a shame, taste so good, m’wife’s pussy is perfect, could eat you up everyday y’know? But guess we’re gonna have to wait until we get home.”

He went to stand instead he groaned as your hands moved to either side of his head, fingers roughly tugging his hair keeping him down. He looked up at you, trying so hard not to smirk but his endless blue eyes were sparkling with victory.

“What’s up wifey ?”

“Toru-“ you warned, glassy eyes trying so very hard to give him some half assed glare, ignoring your stroppy tone he beamed a grin at the use of his nickname.

“Well done, baby-“ he dipped his head, licking a stripe along your pussy, dipping his tongue into your fluttering hole before the tip pressed into your clit. His fingers dancing at your drooling hole easing his long fingers back in again. You gasped, hands gripping his hair harder and his hips rolled in reaction to try aid his own relief cock throbbing in his jeans, moaning into you.

He shifts his position to hike you higher up the wall on his shoulders with you still sat on the changing room bench but your knees moving closer to your chest, remaining on his knees but successfully spreading you open.

“ Shit , that’s it, that sweet little clit just got harder, y’gonna feel it all now sweetheart.”

His lips moved against you as he spoke, his voice with a slight moany whine to it hinting gratitude.

When he wraps his lips around your clit and sucks, you know it’s game over, Satoru too because he smiled into you, lips still wrapped around your clit and tongue flicking away with the pace and pattern he knew you needed. Your eyes rolled back, strained and stuttered sigh leaving you as you tried to keep the noise down to prevent being caught.

His wrist aching as he uses his entire arm to finger fuck you, those stupidly long fingers curling against your walls until he hit that spot that drew a noise from you he’d never heard, glancing up you looked down at him and he swore he could cum alone from just that.

Fuck, you were so pretty for him like this, making noises he’d never heard, seeing you practically going crossed eyed and drooling from how sloppy yet accurately he could eat you out. His dick was so painfully hard in his jeans, he could feel pre was leaking from his slit, hips moving as he ate you using the little friction the tightness against his jeans gave him. He was edging himself, teasing himself by doing it and he was living for it, slobbering his tongue against you like you were keeping him alive.

A moany ‘fuck’ left him, slurring into your pussy whilst inhaling air.

Your cheeks pink, eyes glassy and your mouth agape looking almost worried about what was coming.

“Ah, there it is huh? You gonna give in to me, cum on my tongue like a good wife?”

You nodded at him, a silent beg of please, please, formed on your lips as you tried to keep quiet.

“Words sweetheart,” he slowed his tongue against you, the panicked look on your face as the build up tingled across your skin, borderline on the edge but ever so slightly starting to fade.

“T-Toru please, I wanna cum- please ,”

“Then do it, cum for me, let me taste it, do it f’me,”

One hand left his hair to brace against the changing room wall behind you, back arching off it leaning into his mouth more as his tongue picked up that pace you needed, the pace he knew he so well to make you cum.

“M’cumming, Toru -“

And it was explosive, your vision went white as your breath hitched, hips rolling slowly against his tongue as he slowed to a pace that helped you ride it out, to feel everything so he didn’t overstim you. The way he moaned against you was only making you clench harder on his fingers, those digits that were squelching as you came around them.

“Atta girl,” he coos against you, “-that’s it, look how hard you’re cumming for someone who said stop.“

Your breathing was heavy as you came back from the stars, looking down at your husband as he pulled his fingers from you, placing a kiss on your stomach before standing. His hand lifted, his fore and index finger spreading as he watched your cum coat them, linking together as it glistened under the lights, just like his lips and chin.

His tongue reached out to clean his lower lip before his fingers joined.

You were wobbly as you stood, pulling your skirt down and trying to tidy your shirt. His hand gripped your chin, tilting you up to meet his eyes that were looking at you like you hung the stars and the moon.

“I used to beat myself up thinkin’ I’d never get you, y’know that? ‘Cause fuck-“ his other hand reached down to grip his hard dick through his jeans, an airy moan leaving him “-the shit you make me feel drives me insane. M’still gonna be humpin’ you at 70 years old like a rabbit.”

You laughed at him and his goofy little remark, always having to add some humour and deflection when he tried to show his genuine side. He beamed a goofy grin, blue eyes sparkling watching you laugh at him, knowing he’d made you see stars and after was the reason for your laughter.

His other hand rose to cup your face completely, leaning down to brush his lips across yours, letting you get a taste of yourself on him.

You leaned into him, one hand palming his solid dick through his jeans, an airy moan left him as he rolled his hips against you.

“This is still gonna work at seventy years old?”

“Duh, I’m gonna have the hottest old lady around with her zimmer frame and granny pants added bonus of her tiddies tucked into’em.”

“She does sound hot, who could resist tits to the knees? Maybe you could wrap them around you like a scarf for winter.”

Satoru cackled at you, his nose wrinkled a little at the image of it.

“With that pussy and those thighs, I’ll wear you as a scarf any day until these-“ he reached forward, palming your boobs in his hand, “-get to your knees!”

The knock on your changing room door made you freeze, the amusement and loving feeling all but draining from your face the reminder in reality of where you both were came crashing down, Satoru however lit up like damn Christmas over it.

He could just teleport you both out of there, or even just himself, but with how he was looking at you, you knew his intentions were anything but those logical, face saving options.

“Excuse me miss, are you okay in there? You’ve been in for quite some time.”

This is part of my Him & I story on Ao3.

Not every girl is a damsel in distress, unfortunately for two women jumpers you were their last stop. A cheating husband, a widowed bodyguard and a malevolent fling of the past who owes a favour isn’t a combination for the faint of heart.

Gojo Satoru X Reader x Toji Fushiguro

Past Reader x Sukuna

Final: ??? x Reader

You can read it here: clickie clickie

#jjk fanfic #jjk x you #gojo satoru x reader #jjk gojo #jjk smut #ao3 fanfic #gojo x reader #gojo satoru fluff #gojo smut #gojou satoru x reader #jjk x reader

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justmeinadaze · 5 months ago

Text

Little Girl Gone Part 7 (Steddie X You)

Warnings: Doms Officer Steve Harrington/Gangster Eddie Munson & Sub Doctor Fem Reader, SMUT, light smacking, some degrading (whore, slut), dirty talk, etc

*inhales, exhale, shouts* ANGST! ANGST EVERYWHERE!

These three deal with time apart, Eddie is acting a bit irrational due to the last chapter, mentions of torture and death but none detailed here, Eddie does talk about a couple of his victims but they are bad people, Y/N is slightly interrogated again, mentions of Eddie's abuse from his father so child abuse trigger, lots of apologies and promises. Reader gets slightly spicy here. Cliffhanger ending (You're welcome.)

Word Count: 5259

Series here/ Donate to my Ko-Fi

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Eddie’s intense eyes penetrate yours, his chest rising and falling as he breathes heavily in anger.

“I am in charge of you.”

“You control me in bed, yes, but out here I am your partner to and your doctor. You need to rest, Eddie.”

Grumbling under his breath, the gangster grabs his jacket and heads for the door.

“I can heal at my own place. I don’t need either of you getting in my way.”, he growls before stomping out of your apartment.

As you glance towards Steve, you notice his facial features harden as he silently begins to clean up the mess they both made. Once your living room was clear of any evidence of Officer Douglas, the other man pulled a pack of cigarettes you didn’t know he had, lighting the end and leaned against the back of your couch.

“Do you want me to leave to?”

“I didn’t ask him to go; he chose to. I want you both here.”

“Maybe I should leave… Maybe this was all a mistake, bringing you into this.��

“Fuck you.”, you hiss causing his head to jerk your way. “Yeah, Steven, fuck you. I just lost someone I cared about, I was attacked, and I told you both I loved you but THIS may be a mistake?! FUCK. YOU!”

Fuming, his jaw clenched as his eyes became glassy and he rose to his feet without saying another word, leaving your apartment, and slamming the front door.

***

A month later, you found yourself in a police integration room again this time completely unsure of what they were going to ask. You hadn’t heard from either man but you knew they had to have been busy from what you saw on the news.

“Hey, Y/N.”, Detective Hopper sighed with a smile your way as he entered the room alone. “I’m sorry to be bothering you again.”

“I haven’t seen Eddie in a while so I don’t know how much help I can be.”

“You two are no longer together? Hm. Is that why Allen Munson’s associates are seemingly disappearing?”

“I don’t even want to know how you got from A to B and I still don’t understand how you became a Detective.”, you sneered. “Is that why you brought me down here? I told you that Eddie’s not a killer. Why don’t you ask the rival gangs like the Carvers or some shit?”

“Because Jason Carver and some of his men left down. We don’t know where or exactly but his father said he went on vacation. Personally, with other gangsters and police disappearing I’m not surprised.”

“Police?”

“Mhmm… we lost 3 other uniforms in the past month and upon searching their homes found some incriminating evidence that they were working for Edward’s dad. It makes me extremely nervous, Y/N, the things we’re uncovering.” Jim’s eyes scan you over as you fold into yourself and sigh. “Y/N, how well do you know Steve Harrington?”

Your head shot up as your brows furrowed at the question.

“Your partner? He’s a dick who’s always rude to me. Why? Do you think he’s involved with Eddie’s dad?”

“Honestly, no, but I have to take into account that he’s been building a case against The Munson’s for a while and hasn’t gotten any head way in over a year. Add in some coincidences I can’t ignore like him being jumped by the Carver’s and then a week later a few of their members turn up dead. He, um, also went to you for treatment and a couple of months later you’re dating Allen Munson’s son.”

“Well, Detective, like I said…I’m amazed you’re allowed to still work cases with the conclusions you jump to. May I leave now?”

“Yes you may.”, he grumbles. “We have a car watching every move he makes so don’t do anything stupid, doctor.”

“Hm. You have a cop watching him yet you didn’t know we broke up. May want to check your intel or become a better liar.”

After collecting your things, you power walk to your car and as soon as you slam the door shut, you break as you begin to sob. A soft tap on your passenger side window made you jump before you realized it was only one of the men responsible for your broken heart.

“What do you want, Steve?”

“Is everything ok? I didn’t know you were coming down here.”, he replied as he climbed into your vehicle.

“Don’t worry. I always told you two I would never rat either of you out so—”

“That’s not what I meant…”, he whispered before heavily sighing. “Usually, they keep me in the loop when it comes to things involving Eddie. No one told me they were integrating you. Did someone break in again?”

“No. No one broke in or has come after me. Probably because Eddie is slaughtering them all.”, you say with distain making him flinch. “You need to tell him to be more careful, Steve. He’s being too obvious with what he’s doing.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t talked to him in a month so it’s not like he’ll listen to me.” As your head swiveled his way, he turned to gaze out the windshield not willing to meet your eyes for fear of you seeing how hurt he really was. “I call and he doesn’t answer. I went to the compound and they told me I’m no longer welcome.”

“Steve…”

“I guess that whole year we were together and he told me he loved me was all bullshit. Especially if he can throw me away so easily.”

“He’s in a lot of pain—”

“And we’re not?”, Steve snaps.

“You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to play victim when you left me to. I haven’t heard from you either, Steve. Why have YOU stayed away?!”

“Because it hurts too much! I love you both but what he’s involved in right now could get you killed. It almost did! You guys think I’m this big tough cop but seeing him get beaten the way he was… seeing you fucking shaking in his arms with those bruises on your neck… it kills me! I feel like I failed you both.”

As he wiped the tears he tried to hide, you did the same before turning to fully face him.

“They, or at least Hopper, thinks you may be working for Allen.”

“What?”

“The dots he’s connected brought him to that conclusion and with the three cops that have apparently wound-up dead—”

“I guess it’s not that big of leap but, Jesus, I’m not that much of an asshole. From the research I’ve done, I think those three plus Officer Douglas were the only ones in my precinct who worked for him. He may have some guards in the prison on his side especially with how easy it was to move Gabe and Eddie around to get them in the same block.”

When you become silent, he can’t help but release a heavy sigh.

“Thank you for telling me what they know. I’m still always working to keep you both safe.”

As he reaches for the door handle, your hand grabs his wrist.

“I may have an idea of how we can help him and we may only have to kill one more person.”

“We?”

“I want to help, Steve. I love him to.”

#############

“Miss Y/L/N, I’m sorry but… I was told to not allow anyone that isn’t a part of his crew up to the loft especially you or Mr. Harrington here.”

“I’m not asking for permission, Marcus. We’re going up there whether he likes it or not but I was hoping we could avoid any theatrics.”, you replied with a hard tone.

Sighing, he leaned over to call upstairs but before he could say a word you took the phone from his hand.

“Eddie, Steve and I need to talk to you.”

“I have nothing to say to either of you and there’s nothing I want to hear.”

“You said you loved us. The least you could do is face us one more time. Or is little gangster too scared?”

His growl reverberated through the receiver before you handed it back to the gentleman who nodded and tilted his head towards the elevators.

“Y/N, are you sure you want to do this?”

“More than ever.”

“Ok. If for any reason, you get uncomfortable or scared, tell me and I’ll—”

“Protect me. I know, Steve. Don’t worry. After the month I’ve had, I can handle anything he throws my way.”

When you both finally arrived on the top floor, you took one last long breath and entered his apartment. The smell smacked you in the face immediately, the scent of sweat, alcohol, and blood. His loft was a mess with papers and clothes thrown haphazardly everywhere. There was a chair placed in the middle of the living room with dried stains of his last victim underneath.

What killed you was the photos strewn along his coffee table of a young Eddie with his mother with a big smile painting his face.

The man himself was in his kitchen with a seeming calm demeanor as he poured himself another glass of whiskey. Wearing only his black sweats, you were able to see that his bruises and burns were all mostly healed.

“I see you DO listen to me sometimes when I talk.”, you start as you gesture towards his chest.

“Is that why you’re here, doc? For a checkup? That usually doesn’t require a police escort.”

“That’s not why we’re here but it’s good to know physically you’re feeling better since you didn’t feel the need to update either of the people who love you.”

“Hm. Well, I’m busy so what the fuck do you both want?”

Steve chuckles beside you but even you can hear the pain hidden underneath.

“Still easy to cast aside huh? Even with us right in front of you.”

“You two have each other and I have my team. You’ll survive.”

“I haven’t seen either of you in over a month.” Eddie’s demeanor falters slightly at your admission giving you slight hope you can reach the man you met before. “Steve said it was a probably a mistake bringing me into your world and like you he left. I get to watch you fall apart all by myself.”

“Is that really why you haven’t reached out to her? To keep her safe?”, the gangster asks.

“Was I wrong? Between your fucking killing spree, detectives accusing me of working with your father—”

“What?”

“Hopper called me in today asking about the most recent deaths and then asked about Steve. The coincidences he sees drew him to that conclusion.”

“Fucking idiot.”

“I know.”, you agree with Eddie. “We want to use that to our advantage though. I was thinking Steve could make Allen believe the same thing.”

Eddie cackled at your suggestion to a mocking degree as he placed his hand on his stomach to control the laughter.

“Oh my god, sweetheart. That is the best joke I’ve heard in a long time.”

“Why? Why would it be so unbelievable for him to work with your father?”

“So you’re going to go undercover, Stevie? You’re going to do what he asks to get him to trust you like murdering innocent people; people like Y/N.”

“I’m not innocent. Not anymore thanks to you two.”, you growl.

“You’d be surprised what I’m capable of after finding out a year of my life was wasted on a man who didn’t fucking love me.”

Again, the gangster’s hardened image faltered, visibly so as his eye lids fluttered and he sauntered backwards to refill his drink.

“You think I didn’t love you?”

“I haven’t heard from you, Edward. After everything I’ve done for you and you just disappear without so much as a fucking goodbye? To be honest, after what I’ve witnessed recently, working for your dad will be a piece of cake since you want to be like him.”

“That shit… doesn’t hurt me anymore. Do you know why?”, he asks as he steps closer to you both. “Because I am better than my father ever was and now everyone else will know that to. If you cross me and align yourself with him, I have an answer for that.” Eddie pulls out his gun and places it under the officer’s chin. “And if you want to go play with his team have at it but if I find you robbing one of MY buildings or killing anyone on MY team, I’ll make an example out of you to.”

It was your turn to laugh as both men glanced your way.

“I don’t mean to laugh but it’s just so cute. Little gangster playing tough like his daddy. God, Eddie, when I first met you, you were a man to be respected. So many people were in your corner because of how you ran this city. Now you’re just this little boy pretending. You became exactly what Allen believed you were…weak.”

Stomping in your direction, his fingers wrapped around your throat as he pushed you back hard against the wall.

“You need to shut your fucking mouth before I do it for you.”

“Yeah? Do it then.”

Something flashes through his eyes then, a mixture of the man you fell in love with and the boy wanting justice against the person who continually hurt him from childhood to now. Releasing his grip, he slowly backed away from you but right as he turned around, you placed your body in front him.

“Come on, Eddie! You said when I met you that you and Steve had tempers that most women couldn’t handle. Well, I can, trust me. I can handle anything after what you both have put me through!”, you huffed as you shoved his chest hard. “What about you, Steve, huh? Or are you as much of a pussy as he is now?!”

The officer knew what you were doing. If you couldn’t engage the gangster, maybe, pushing his partner would entice him enough. His beautiful eyes penetrated yours and you saw the question within them.

Are you sure?

“Please…”

As soon as the words left your mouth, his eyes darkened and you were once again confronted with the version of him you hadn’t seen since he pointed a gun in your face asking you to help the man he loved.

######################

Steve’s feet slammed loudly against the hardwood as he made a beeline your way and grabbed your throat just below your jaw.

“You think we’re pussies, little girl?” When your head tried to turn to see if Eddie was even paying attention, the officer forcefully yanked you closer till his nose was practically touching yours. “No. Don’t look at him. Look at me. I’m asking the fucking question. I said do you think we’re pussies?” Answer. Me.”

“Yes.”, you answered roughly as you clung to his wrist. “You made me believe you loved me. You told me I was safe with you! You lied to me!”

“No.”, Eddie’s rugid tone responded beside you. “We warned you. We kill people. I kill people and don’t even think twice about it. I’m a bad man, sweetheart, raised by an even worse one. This past month I have proven to him and everyone else that I’M now above him. I’m someone to be feared. You should be afraid of me, Y/N.”

You’d be lying if you didn’t say the way he was speaking was scaring you but you tried to keep your resolve.

“I’m not.”

“You will be.” Abruptly, he shoved you to the sofa and climbed on top of you. You fought against him, your hand connecting to his face hard before he returned the favor and pinned your wrists above your head. After pushing your legs open with his knee, he rolled his hips allowing his hardening cock to rub against your pant covered core through his sweats.

Even with all the layers, he ground himself in just the right way to hit your clit making you groan.

“Eddie.”

“Fuck, that’s it, little whore. Moan my name.”

Fingers appeared above you and you glanced up to see Steve leaning to lift your shirt while the gangster took the opportunity to yank off your pants blocking his way. After pushing down his sweats enough to free his length, he maneuvered up your body till he was hovering over your face.

“Open.” You try and push against his hold on your hands but he doesn’t relent. “Open. Now.”

When you do what he commands, he mercilessly guides his cock between your parted lips. The sound of your gags mixes with his grunts as he thrusts his hips.

“Goddamn it. That’s right, Y/N. We trained you good. Fuck. Breathe…breathe through your nose—”

When his voice cut off, you opened your eyes to see both men passionately kissing each other above you. Steve’s face softened for a moment as if he was glad to be able to taste the man he loved again before remembering everything he had been through as well.

“Look at you, baby. Being in charge…just like your father…a ruthless killer.”

“I’m better than he—mmm—ever was.”

“Oh, yeah? Show me. Show me what better looks like.” Eddie’s palm curled around the back of Steve’s neck and in return the officer leaned his forehead against his. “Come on, honey. You’re someone to be feared now, right? Show me. You already showed me you don’t love me; that you could use me. Use me again.”

At the accusation, the gangster tackled the other man to the ground and pinned his arms to the floor as you coughed, panting trying to catch your breath. You watched as they wrestled each other before Eddie flipped him onto his stomach, reached underneath him to unbuckle his belt, and pull down his pants to his ankles.

The sound they both made when Eddie guided his cock inside of him was a mixture of passion and pain. The pain of them missing how the other felt but the euphoria of being able to feel them again. You slid down to the floor, placing yourself beside them and tenderly ran your fingers through Steve’s hair as he moaned while the gangster slammed into him roughly.

Eddie’s breath warmed the back of your hand as he laid down flat on the other man’s back and rolled his hips as he clung to his chest.

“This is…who I am…Steven. Who—fuck—who I have to…be.”

The officer shook his head as his own fingers above his head squeaked as he dragged them along the floor beneath him.

“Excuses… Y-You’re afraid.”

“What the fuck do I have to be afraid of.”, Eddie grumbled in his ear.

“…Dad.”

The gangster delivered a couple of hard thrusts that had a high-pitched whine leaving Steve’s lips.

“I’m NOT afraid of Allen Munson.”

“No, you’re not.”, you clarified. “You’re afraid of your dad. You’re afraid of the man that hurt your mother and called you both weak. The man who sent adults after a child to jump him after school. Who hurt and tortured a little boy for not being what he deemed as perfect.”

Eddie’s rhythm slowed to almost a stop while he listened to you speak. His long hair was blocking his face but you could tell you were getting through.

“A coward who abandoned his only son with his brother to manage a gang of men who cared even less about his child than he did.”

A broken sob left his throat as he pushed off Steve and leaned his back against the couch. You crawled towards him, climbed into his lap, and pushed his hair back with your fingers as you kissed his forehead.

“Baby, you’re not that same little boy. You have more control now than you think and that scares him.”, you whispered as he wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly to him. “That’s why he did what he did, Eddie. You’re stronger than he will ever be so he had to make you feel like a child again. Don’t let him win. Don’t become him.”

When Steve sat up and laid his head on the man’s shoulder, he turned and smashed his lips messily to his.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I do love you, Steve. I never once used you or Y/N. It killed me not having either one of you next to me. I’m sorry. I love you to, Y/N.”

Steve’s hands suddenly gripped your waist as he laid you back down on the floor and ran his cock through your folds before guiding himself into your cunt. Amber eyes locked with your own when he felt ring laced hands land on his shoulder and he grunted loudly as Eddie slid into the man above you again.

Your legs tried to wrap around them both as they pumped their hips. Steve fell against your body as his cock hit every sensitive nerve inside you, building you up as you ran your nails through his hair and down his back.

“I’m s-sorry, honey, for—mmm—for hurting you. I love you, Y/N.”

“Cum, Steve. I need to feel it.”

His pace hastened, his ass pushing back into Eddie who groaned and his length pushing deep into you. The sound of his heavy pants in your ear had you clenching around him till you came and he quickly followed, moaning your name as he warmed your walls with his release. With a few more rough thrusts, the gangster grunted as he spilled into his partner before collapsing on the floor beside you.

As soon as Steve pulled out of you, both men’s eyes followed you as you rose to your feet and headed to the kitchen to a get a rag to clean yourself. Coming back into the living room with a bottle of water, you threw on your shirt and panties as they quietly put on their boxers.

“So, Steve and I were thinking that he could pretend to work for your father so we could him in front of you on your own terms so to speak.”

When you spoke your tone calm but there was a shake behind it you prayed they didn’t hear. As a doctor you were trained to hold it together under pressure. This was no different.

“You can do whatever you want; torture him, kill him, I don’t fucking care. Whatever gets him to leave us alone. After that you can stop all this chaos and I can go back to my own life.”

“Alone?”, Eddie asked.

When you didn’t responded, their gaze shifted towards you just in time to see your eyes glaze over and your bottom lip tremble. The gangster kneeled in front of you, taking your hands in his.

“You left me… I wanted you to stay but… you left…”

“I know. I know, sweetheart and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you; both of you. You were right. I became that little boy again and just…”

“How many people have you killed in this last month, Eddie?”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows in fear knowing you won’t like his answer.

“Me personally or my team?”

“Jesus Christ.”, Steve sighs as he rubs his palms over his eyes. “My department clocked a total of 23 men. Three of them cops. How many were by your hand, Ed?”

“Eight were killed by me but I tortured them all for information.”, he answers flatly as his eyes remained locked on yours. “Those eight knew about Y/N or you, Steve. Pat Chase, a lawyer for a few of the gang members around town had pictures in his suitcase of you in your cruiser and Y/N…crying behind her clinic. Calvin Thomas, junior police officer at Steve’s station, threatened to murder a couple of your patients including that little girl with asthma. Mason Fletcher, manager at one of the local mechanic stores and a friend who I helped when his wife passed away, said when Steve’s chief sent the cars for a tune up, he planned to tamper with the brakes.”

Eddie’s jaw tightened as he continued.

“I remember each and every one of them still. Out of those 23 people, ten of them were people I trusted and do you know who commands them? Allen Munson. This is the kind of man they follow even after everything. Y/N what you’re suggesting is very dangerous but even more so because… I don’t know if I could follow through with killing him if given the chance.”

“What if you don’t have to kill him but we can still separate him from his allies. Cut the head off the snake.”

They listen as you speak, allowing the details to sink in before agreeing with what you have in mind. Taking his hand in yours, you start to head towards the stairs to guide him to his bed but are tugged back when he doesn’t move.

“You never answered my question. When this is over…will we be over?” When your gaze shifts to the floor, Eddie wraps his arm around your waist and brings you closer to him as he leans his forehead on your own. “I understand if you want to leave but if you stay, Y/N, I promise I will do whatever it takes to make sure you never feel alone or hurt like that again. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

Your lips meet his as hug him tightly to your body while he continues to whisper apologies.

“I’ll stay, Eddie. I forgive you.”

After the gangster prepared a bath and slowly placed you in the water, he paused when he noticed Steve’s moving was a bit more rigid than he normally is. Rising to his feet, he scanned the man over.

“Steve, are you ok, sweetheart? Did I…was I…too rough?”

Shaking his head, the officer carefully climbed in behind you before taking you in his arms and pulling you against his chest.

“I forgive you to, Steve Harrington.”, you murmur as you lean back to kiss his cheek.

Placing a finger under his chin, Eddie tilts his head till Steve’s eyes meet his.

“I’m sorry, baby. I—”

“It’s ok, honey. I’m just…sore…and tired. I missed you both.”

The three of you sat there in silence fully absorbing the events of the last month and how things were about to get a lot harder. As you were being dried, your fingers ran over Eddie’s remaining bruises and burns.

“I’ve still been doing what you said, keeping the wounds iced and clean.”

“They look a lot better.”

Steve passed by you both and placed himself on the edge of the bed as he pulled his shirt over his head. The other man kneeled in front of him and took his hands into his own.

“My Paladin. You do so much for me and yet I pushed you to the side. This past year, I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been and not because you help me with my organization but because you loved me for me, Steve. You don’t see a gangster or a Munson. You always saw Eddie.”

The officer’s eyes water as a heavy breath escapes him.

“This will never happen again, baby. I promise.”, the other man coos as he straddles his lap and circles his arms around him and you watch with a small smile while they cling to each other. “I love you. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you to, nerd.”

When they finally detached, they laid down in bed, reaching for you and putting you between them.

“Are you sure you want to go through with your plan, Y/N? It’s not going to be easy…for you or Steve.”

You nod as you tenderly reach out to caress his face and fold the officer’s hand that’s resting on your hip.

“I’m sure.”

########################

Three Days Later

Allen grunts in frustration as he steps up to the glass partition and throws his body into the chair across from the man he believes to be his son’s best friend.

“Mr. Harrington, how can I help you today? Any friend of my son is no friend of mine.”, he says all too casually as he chuckles under his breath.

“Yeah, well, I’m not your son’s friend anymore.”, Steve growled in anger. “He took something that belonged to me. I warned him but that fucker didn’t care.”

“Oh? What did he take?”

“Y/N.”

Allen’s eyes widened in amusement as he crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair.

“Jesus. This woman must be fucking special. How did she end up with him and not you?”

“I saw her first when she helped me at her clinic. After Eddie was hurt, I took him there so she could help him to. I didn’t expect it to become romantic. I told that fucker I loved her and she was mine but he still went after her. I did everything I could to split them up but, unfortunately, she’s loyal.”

“Hm. Sounds like my wife; weak. So what exactly do you want, officer?”

“It’s not so much what I want but what you do. I want to help you take Eddie out of the game.”

Allen laughed as well as a few of the guards who could hear the conversation.

“You want to help me? Why don’t you just arrest him again and bring him in?”

“On what? All the charges we have aren’t sticking and even though he’s running around killing your people, he’s not leaving anything incriminating behind.” At Steve’s mention of the men he was losing, the prisoner grumbled low as he glared at him. “He’s going to keep coming at you till either all your people are dead or he is. I can help you, Allen.”

The man thinks for a long moment before smirking his way.

“How do I know I can trust you? How do I know this isn’t something my son conjured up.”

“Well, one, Eddie isn’t that fucking smart and two, I did something you haven’t been able to in almost 2 months.”

“Yeah, Harrington, and what’s that?”

“I killed Y/N.”

Allen’s head tilts as he tries to hide his shock at the officer’s statement as the other man smirks his way.

“How’d you do that?”

“I slit her throat in his apartment.”, Steve answered as his smile grew. “You should have heard the way Eddie cried over her. That’s what that selfish asshole gets. She was mine.”

No longer amused, the prisoner leaned on his elbows and met the officer’s angry expression with one of his own.

“I don’t believe you.”

A loud thump filled the area as Steve smacked a Polaroid picture against the glass.

“I thought you might say that. She’s buried next to his mother if you want to go look. Oh wait…”, he teases sarcastically as he gestures to the prison.

Loud shouting startles the guards as a door flies open just in time for Eddie’s father to see them tackling Wayne to the ground.

“What the fuck did you do, Allen!? She was a good woman and you took her away from him! You fucking asshole! Get off me!”

“Self-righteous prick.” Allen thinks for a moment as he fully takes in the man in front of him. “Ok, Steven. Ok, I may have some use for you.”

###################

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