#well its not the language's fault as much as the people here...

[iqmmir]

My main dislike for hindi comes from the fact that i have had horrible hindi teachers

[inbarfink]

When talking about the distinction between Simon Petrikov and the Ice King,  it’s important to remember that originally, the Crown wasn’t trying to turn Simon into Ice King -

It was trying to turn him into this guy.

At the time, the Ice Crown - or rather the Wishing Crown - was programmed with Gunther’s wish to become Evergreen. So everything related to making the current wearer like Evergreen is a very direct result of the Crown’s Magic. The physical changes -

And the obsession with the name ‘Gunther’ -

And maybe some of the irritability and anger issues -

That is something the Crown is very directly forcing unto its current wielder. 

But everything else?

Ice King, personality-wise, was not much like Evergreen at all, or even like Gunther's view of him. And Ice Finn of the Farmworld Universe was also pretty different from the both of them.

At the time, I remember people assumed Ice Finn’s behavior is more indicative of what the Crown is actually trying to do with its wielders. That Ice King is so different because of Simon’s subconscious resistance against the Crown - while Finn’s much younger and dumber brain is a lot susceptible to the Curse’s influence to become some sort of mad world-conquering emperor of ice and snow. 

But, with the context of the Crown’s actual backstory. That doesn’t seem very likely anymore. I think what’s actually happening there is that the Crown is just trying to make its wielder an Ice Wizard on par with Evergreen (who was the Actual Goddam Ice Elemental) and that means pumping the wielder’s brain so full of Magic, Madness and Sadness to a level that is bound to overwhelm anyone.

And Simon’s and Farmworld Finn’s very different behaviors after putting on the crown is indicative, more than anything, of how their psyche reacts to Madness and Sadness in general. You know, Finn has a very proactive and kinda aggressive personality - and you add Crown-induced-Madness-and-Sadness and a compulsion to use Ice Magic as much as possible and you get all of…. this 

Meanwhile, for Simon, the compulsions of the Crown originally filtered exclusively via the language of protection 

As his madness always manifested as romantic obsession 

And using goofy humor to try and deny the pain he’s going through 

Because that’s how Simon’s mind specifically reacts to being flooded with so much Madness and Sadness.

That’s why there’s so many parallels between Ice King and the sort of mistakes and screwed-up stuff Simon does right now! He’s even kidnapping people again!

Because the Madness and Sadness of Ice King might’ve been induced by the Crown, but now Simon has plenty of personal home-grown Madness and Sadness inside him - and it’s no surprise that Curse-Induced or not, his mind reacts to it in a sorta-similar way. (Although obviously not as intensely, again, there was a LOT of MMS in the Ice Crown).

Now as for Ice Thing, and the fact that he seems to be actually rather well-adjusted under effects of his version of the Wishing Crown. I mean... not by the time of the 1000+ Era, but that’s literally eons in the future and also maybe more Gibbon’s fault. Even if the Crown will eventually take some sort of toll on him, for now he seems to be doing pretty well considering his wish. I mean, there's still some sort of Loss of Identity stuff going on

But everything we've seen of Ice Thing (in the present day, at least) shows him as a friendly and cheerful individual that gets along well with others. A far cry from how maladjusted every single wielder of the Ice Crown acted.

At the very least, if there's any notable amount of Sadness in him, we really haven't seen it yet.

There might be several factors here:

First things first, I should acknowledge the possibility that it’s just that Orgalorg’s eldritch brain is better at intaking all that MMS juice. That could play a part, but I think it’s probably more important, at least thematically, to look at the distinction between ‘I wish to be Evergreen’ and ‘I wish to be Ice King’. 

First in the sense that while Ice King was occasionally mean to Gunter at times - he was generally much kinder than Evergreen ever was for ‘his’ Gunther. So, like, pretty much the one Personality Flaw of Ice King that you can directly link to the Ice Crown’s attempt to mimic Evergreen is the occasional anger issues.

And how they relate to Gunther’s view of Evergreen, so grumpy and controlling and constantly saying ‘NO!’

(Both Finn and Simon’s demonstrable not-crown-induced trauma responses can make them pretty short-tempered as well. So I’m not going to say this is purely the effects of the Crown. It still probably plays some sort of factor at why the wielder of the Ice Crown is Like That).

And that is not a factor in how Gunter views Ice King. For him, Ice King was a doting and loving father figure - so if the Crown was ever trying to implement any sort of specific negative personality traits, this is absolutely no longer a factor. Because the original Ice Crown was a reflection of Evergreen’s abuse, and now Ice Thing is a reflection of Ice King’s fatherly love.

Which is, itself, probably an echo or remnant of Simon’s own strong parental instincts. 

Secondly, while the Crown was trying to make the Ice King just as powerful as Evergreen…. Ice King was obviously not as powerful as Evergreen. Because he was already a second-rate copy of the Ice Elemental’s power, and because Ice King was often just too doofy to use his powers correctly and probably because some remnant of Simon’s original sensible self is subconsciously holding his powers back.

Either way, being ‘like Ice King’ as Gunter sees him requires less Magic than being ‘like Evergreen’ as Gunther saw him - and therefore less Madness and Sadness. Leading to the wearer or, um, the eater being a lot more well-adjusted from the get-go.

And I think that the implication that Ice Thing has fused with the Crown, so there's never going to be another poor sap who puts on the Crown and gets Ice King'd. But if there is one somehow... at least the process is going to be less mentally detrimental that time around?

Maybe one day Simon could look back and appreciate how much he (or Ice King, or both of them, or however you want to look at the situation) is responsible for basically neutralizing the Crown that ruined his life in the first place.

[insidekatmind]

She's mine - Jobe Bellingham

Wearning: +18,smut, english is not my first language

The place was full of people. The music was pumping from the speakers, stroboscopic lights flickered across the floor and people around danced in a single wave of movement. You were there, next to Jobe, with a drink in your hand and a smile on your face. You wore a black short skirt and a tight top, the perfect outfit to feel safe and attractive. You felt the looks on you, but you did not pay too much attention.

Jobe, on the other hand, noticed them all.

He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his dark eyes fixed on you with a look that you knew well. He drank a sip from his glass every now and then, but the look never left you.

"Are you all right, love?" you asked him as you approached, your sweet voice barely covered by the music.

"I’m fine," he replied dry, eyes quickly passing from you to a guy across the room. The boy, with a smile all too sure of himself, was watching you. And Jobe had noticed it.

You didn’t give it any thought, thinking it was one of those usual evenings where the guys got a little too brave with some drinks too much. But then you heard a voice behind your back.

"Hey, baby, what’s your name?"

You turned and found yourself in front of a tall boy, with hair combed backwards and a slimy smile printed on his face. He had a drink in his hand and waved it slightly as if he was trying to impress you.

"I don’t know you," you replied in a firm but polite tone, trying to make him understand that you were not interested.

"We can fix it," he said with a wink. "Come on, dance with me, I promise you won’t regret it."

You shook your head, barely laughing. "No, thank you. I’m here with my boyfriend."

The boy looked behind you, noticing Jobe. "He? He seems too busy playing hard to get on with you. You deserve someone who will make you have fun."

Your eyebrows are raised in surprise. "I suggest you stop."

But you didn’t have to say more.

Within a second, Jobe was there. You didn’t even notice when he came near, but now he was right next to you, his tall and wide body standing between you and the boy. Jobe’s gaze was icy, his jaw stretched and his fists clenched at the sides.

"Repeat what you said," he said in a dangerously calm voice, slightly tilting his head.

The boy raised his hands, stepping back. "Relax, man. I didn’t mean to disrespect."

"Oh yes? 'cause I took it as a lack of respect," said Jobe, stepping forward. " And you know what happens to people who disrespect my girlfriend?"

"Okay, okay, brother, it’s all right," said the boy with a nervous smile, trying to walk away. "I don’t want any trouble."

"Then go," growled Jobe. "Right now."

The boy left, taking one last look at you, but when Jobe took another step forward, he accelerated his step towards the crowd.

"Jobe, calm down," you said by placing a hand on his chest, feeling the accelerated beats of his heart. "You are better than this."

He turned to you, and for a moment you saw in his eyes that mix of anger and jealousy. But it wasn’t just anger: it was concern. His hand has found your side, holding you firmly.

"He was looking at you as if you were his," she said with her heavy breath, her chest rising and falling under your hand.

"I wasn’t," you replied sweetly. "I’m yours, Jobe."

His fingers have gone up your side to the bottom of your back, gently pushing you toward him. " I know," he muttered, but his gaze was still dark, still marked by that jealousy which seemed impossible to extinguish.

"I know," he repeated, but this time with less anger and more sweetness. His eyes went down on your skirt and then again on you. " But with this skirt... you don’t make things easy."

"Ah, so it’s my fault now?" you said with a provocative smile, putting your hands on his shoulders and looking into his eyes.

Jobe shrugged, a hint of a smile trying to make its way on his face. " Not that I’m saying, but... you knew what you were doing when you put it on."

You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head to one side. "And you knew exactly how you would react, didn’t you?"

He looked down upon your lips, and you felt his breath change rhythm. His hand slipped down your back, pressing you against him. " Yes," she whispered against your lips before kissing you with a raw, intense passion, as if she wanted to show you that you were hers and only hers.

The kiss was possessive, but not in a toxic way. It was the kind of kiss that made you feel wanted, protected and loved. His hands anchored to your hips, the grip steady and firm. There was no need for words.

When you got out, his eyes didn’t leave you for a second.

"From now on, if anyone tries to hit on you, tell me right away," he said in a low and serious voice.

"Are you going to be a cop every time we go out?" you joked, laughing softly.

"If it means no one touches you, then yes," he said with conviction.

You shook your head, smiling. "You’re too stubborn."

"Only when it comes to you," he said as he approached again, this time with a softer look. He stroked your face with his thumb, staring at you as if you were the only person in the room.

"You’re mine," he whispered in a low, scratchy voice, his eyes dark as they stare into yours.

"You’re right," you replied softly, grasping the collar of his sweater to draw it back to you. "I am yours, Jobe. Only yours."

His eyes softened, and the smile he gave you this time was sincere, without anger or jealousy. " And I am yours," he said, kissing you again, this time with all the sweetness he could offer.

The rest of the evening, Jobe didn’t leave you alone for a second. His hands were always upon thee: on the side, on the back, entwined with thy fingers. Not because he didn’t trust you, but because he wanted to remind you that no matter what happened, he would be there. Always.

---

The evening continued, but the energy between you and Jobe had changed. The music was still booming, the club was always crowded and the stroboscopic lights colored the faces of people around. But you only felt the presence of Jobe next to you.

His hands were anchored to your hips, sometimes pulling you slightly to himself, as if he needed to feel closer. But his look... His gaze was no longer on you.

It was about that boy who tried to hit on you

You had noticed it too. He stood a few feet away, in the crowd, with his glass in his hand and a cheeky smile on his lips. He looked at you again, openly challenging Jobe, as if he wanted to provoke him.

You felt Jobe’s breath becoming slower and deeper. His broad shoulders were stiff, his jaw taut in a hard line. His eyes did not move, and you knew that look. It was the look of one who is about to lose patience.

"Jobe..." you said softly, passing a hand along his muscular arm. He didn’t answer, too focused on the boy.

"Jobe," you repeated, this time getting closer to him, your chest touching his. You slightly lifted up on your toes and laid a soft kiss on his taut jaw.

"Hm?" he muttered without turning his eyes from the boy.

"Look at me," you whispered near his ear, in a sweet but firm voice.

Slowly, reluctantly, he looked down at you. His eyes were still full of wild jealousy, but your touch seemed to calm him. You have tilted your head to one side, letting your eyes fill with sweetness, as if to say: "There is no need for all this, I am here with you."

"It’s not worth it," you said, caressing his chest with your fingers. "You already have the prize, Jobe. I’m yours, remember?"

His breathing has slowed down. You saw his jaw relax slightly, even though his eyes still cast some glances at the boy.

You knew it wasn’t enough. Not yet.

You lowered your hand from his shoulder and let it slide down his chest, slowly, until you stopped on his hips. Then, without breaking eye contact, you turned around and started to move your hips against him, following the rhythm of the music.

The song was slow, with a sweeping rhythm that seemed to be made for dancing in a sensual way. You let yourself go to the rhythm, sliding your hips against his, back and forth, slowly and with intention. You felt the warmth of his body against your back, its presence that completely enveloped you.

Jobe breathed hard, as if he had been caught off guard. His hands found your hips instantly, holding you tight. He pulled you even closer, his breath now against your ear.

"You’re dangerous, you know?" he whispered in a hoarse voice, low and intense.

You smiled in secret, biting your lower lip. " I’m just dancing," you said with a false innocence, turning your head to look at him.

"This is not dancing," he muttered, clenching his teeth. "You’re playing with me."

You laughed quietly and moved your hips with even more intensity, following the rhythm of the music that seemed to become slower and more overwhelming. The movements were fluid, slow, sensual. You felt his hands on your hips, as if he wanted to control your movements, but you didn’t give him control. You were the one driving.

"What’s the matter, Jobe? Can’t you play along?" you said with a hint of provocation.

His breath became heavier. He grabbed your hips with more force, making your body even closer to his. You felt his chest against your back, the warmth of his skin through his clothes.

"Watch your language, baby," he whispered in your ear, his voice scratching and deep. " Because if you keep this up, I might forget we’re in the middle of all these people."

The shiver that ran through your back was inevitable. You knew exactly what it meant. Jobe never spoke in vain.

"I’m just making sure you don’t lose your head," you replied softly, tilting your head back, leaning it on his shoulder. Your eyes met his, and there was something in that look that made you feel powerful.

His pupils were dilated, his deep breath, the control he was so much trying to maintain was about to collapse. His eyes were lowered to your lips, then to your neck.

"You’re too good at it," he admitted with a dangerous smile. "And I don’t like when you test me."

"Then stop making me your test of strength," you replied with a provocative grin, slightly pushing your hips against him one last time.

Jobe closed his eyes for a second, breathing heavily as if he was trying to contain himself. When he opened them again, he had that look in his eyes "you won, but not for long."

"Don’t give me orders," he said softly, his hands pulling you closer. "You know I don’t listen."

"I know," you whispered, your lips leaning against his jaw. You kissed him slowly, letting your lips run against his warm skin. You felt his breath getting heavier. Then you kissed his neck, leaving a trail of heat down his skin. You knew how much he liked it.

His hands are clenched on your hips, stronger this time. He grabbed you firmly, tilting his head to the side to give you more space on his neck. He said nothing, but he didn’t need it. The way his chest rose and fell quickly said it all.

When you looked up, you saw the boy from before who was still watching, but this time his look was different. He understood. He knew that Jobe would not let it go.

Jobe has noticed.

He looked up and his eyes crossed with the boy’s. This time, there was no anger. No.

There was a silent challenge, a look that said: "Did you see? Do you understand? She's mine."

The boy lowered his eyes and turned, mixing with the crowd.

Jobe took a long and deep breath. He turned his face towards you, his eyes still burning with desire and need.

"See? Problem solved," you said with a mischievous smile.

He tilted his head to one side, his smile sharp as a blade. "Problem solved, yes... But now you’ve created another."

"Hm, really? And what would it be?" you asked pretending innocence.

His hands have moved on your back, and with a look full of intention, he has whispered against your ear:

"You"

Those two letters hit you harder than the bass of the music that was ringing in the club. You felt the weight of his gaze on you, a burning, hungry look, as if you were the only thing he could see in that crowd.

A smile escaped your lips. You couldn’t help but smile knowing how much control I had over him. You felt it against yourself, the tension in his body, the energy that barely seemed to hold. His hands on your hips were firmer, firmer. You felt her erection and felt you more hot

"huh yes?" you said in a provocative tone, raising your face towards him, your eyes crossing in a silent battle. " And what are you going to do about this problem, Jobe?"

His smile was dangerous, a mix of arrogance and desire. He answered you not with words, but with gestures. His hands have become more sharp, slowly sliding down your hips and then up to your back. With a quick and sure move, he turned you towards him, your bodies now face to face.

The world around you seemed to dissolve. The music, people dancing and laughing, everything became muffled, far away. There was no one left. Just the two of you.

His eyes fell on your lips, then back into your eyes, as if he was seeking your permission. But no words were needed. Your look told him everything.

And then he kissed you.

Strong.

Determined.

His lips were hot and thirsty of yours, and the kiss was anything but gentle. There was need, desire, possessiveness. You felt the way he held you, as if he wanted to make you understand that you were his. His hand moved behind your neck, fingers creeping into your hair, pulling you slightly to get even closer.

You did not back down. In fact, you answered with the same intensity, your hands clinging to her sweatshirt, squeezing it hard. You felt his shortness of breath against your mouth, and every time you parted for a second, he came back to take you, more hungry than before.

"Damn," he whispered against your lips, with a crooked smile, the heavy breath. "You drive me crazy."

"I know," you replied with a grin, your lips still so close to hers that they were touching.

He didn’t leave you time to say more. Before you could see it, his hands gripped you firmly for life.

"Come with me," he said in a low, determined voice.

You didn’t have time to answer. He took your hand and led you through the crowd. You felt the looks of some people on you, but you didn’t care. All you could feel was Jobe’s hand wrapped around yours, warm and strong, like a steel chain that tied you to him.

He walked before you with a determined step, his eyes looking for a destination. Then you understood it. The door of the bathroom.

Your heart was beating hard in your chest, but not of fear. Of adrenaline. Of excitement.

As soon as he reached the door, he pushed it with one hand, checking that it was free. When he saw that there was no one inside, he pulled you with him and closed the door behind you with a firm slamming. The lock made click, and the noise seemed louder than the music outside.

The room was small, with a dim light and a dirty mirror, but you didn’t care. It was all irrelevant to him.

He gently pushed you against the wall, but his gaze was far from gentle. His eyes were staring at you as if you were the only thing that mattered to him at the time.

"You’re playing with fire, you know?" said in a husky voice, his breath short as his hands settled back on your hips, thumbs touching the skin between your skirt and top.

"I know," you replied with a provocative smile, biting your lower lip. "But fire does not frighten me."

A dangerous smile appeared on his lips. "We’ll see," he muttered, lowering his face towards your neck.

The first kiss on the neck made you hold your breath. He was warm, slow, and the way his lips moved against your skin made you close your eyes. Then you felt his hands rise up your back, his strong fingers caressing your skin with an exasperating slowness.

Another kiss, this time stronger, followed by a slight pressure of his teeth on your skin. You have withheld a groan, but you could not hide it completely.

"You like it, don’t you?" he whispered in your ear, his low and satisfied tone. His voice made you tremble.

"Don’t be too high-handed," you replied, but your voice was weaker than you would have liked.

"Ah, really?" he said, his lips moving from your jaw to your cheek, leaving a trail of warm and moist kisses. Then he looked into your eyes, his face a few inches from yours, his dark and intense look.

"Look how you’re clinging to me," he said in a low voice, looking down at your hands, which were clenching tightly on his sweatshirt.

"You’re unbearable," you murmured, but your lips could not hold back a smile.

"Unbearable but irresistible," he replied with that arrogant grin you loved and hated so much.

His hands moved again on your hips, and this time he began to move slightly against him, following the slow and deep rhythm of music that could be heard in the distance. Your bodies moved in unison, slow and perfectly synchronized. You felt every movement, every little movement of his muscles against you.

And you let go. Your hands left the grip on his sweatshirt and wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. Your lips sought hers again, and this time the kiss was even more intense, more hungry. Your fingers intertwined between his short hair, barely pulling it, tearing off a moan that made you feel powerful.

"Who is it now that plays with fire?" you whispered against his lips, without leaving him room to answer.

His eyes shone with a dangerous light, the smile barely touched but visible.

"I swear I will never let anyone else look at you the way he did," he said, his hands clinging tightly to your hips.

"No need to swear it, Jobe," you answered, your eyes fixed in his, full of certainty. "I am already yours."

And for the first time in the whole evening, you saw him relax really. Not for long, though, because immediately after, with a mischievous smile, he said:

"Then show me."

As soon as you heard those three words you kissed him with more passion and explored his mouth with your tongue and sucked it off and Jobe moaned by dropping his hands on your butt and give him a slap making you moan.

You started to put your hands on the zipper of his jeans and unbuttoned him, then you lowered his underwear too, letting out his big hard cock and he moaned.

You cheekily bit his lip making him growl and then you lowered yourself to the height of his cock and you started stroking him by making him growl.

"shit y/n, don’t be a tease" he said and you looked at him and then gave him a good lick to his dick as if it were a lollipop to take it in the mouth and Jobe moans putting your hand on his head taking your hair to have a support.

You whined on his cock as he was starting to drive his dick more towards your mouth, letting it take all while you gagged him for how long it was.

"You suck it so well," he said moaning as he increased his thrusts toward your mouth. " This pretty mouth is so perfect to take my cock" she continued moaning as she fucked your mouth.

Hearing his words and how you were sucking his cock, you moaned feeling horny while you were sucking his dick.

Jobe was close, you could tell how his thrusts were getting stronger. In the room you could only hear the sound of your mouth sucking his cock and his groans.

"go doll keep going, you’re doing great" Jobe said grunting while you whimpered on his cock.

You started playing with his balls while you kept sucking his cock and he groaning while he kept fucking your face more and then spit in your mouth,

You took all his cum and swallowed it.

Jobe looked at you and smiled at you wearily as he leaned against the wall and tried to catch his breath for the orgasm he had.

You rose from the ground licking your lips and groaning again, feeling his cum on your lips.

You approached him and stroked his hair as you kissed his jaw, causing him to close his eyes.

"I love you y/n" he whispered caressing your side and you smiled kissing his lips softly.

[cutieminaaa]

Not too long ago I made a post about a rape and incest gojo fic writer. Today I received this dm, you can ignore this post if you wanna read some gojo fics but I js wanna embarrass and call out some sh1theads

No, you writing or enjoying rape, non-con, etc. fics is not gonna help you "cope" it only creates more fetishism for porn-rotted freaks. If you geniunly need help, there are much better ways to cope. Your trauma becomes someone else's addiction.

No, you cannot say that "its only fiction" when you romantasize dark themes like incest. "Well people write about murder all the time!" Murder can be justified in certain situations, like killing your rapist. Rape will never be justified in any way, shape or form

No, you're not "cool" or whatever delusional thought you got in your mind for liking this kind of stuff. What would your mother or father think of you when they see you spreading shit like that? These fics only create more problems, can't you see that? People admit they have porn addiction and hit rock bottom. I'm sorry if my post sounds weird as english is not my first language

Stay safe out there yall, be sure to block and report creators who fetishizes shit like that as well as their little supporters. To the SA victims - you matter , you are loved and it was definitely not your fault no matter what anyone says. Much love 🩷

Here is a response from the author of the "Dark theme" fic writer

[torturedtypewritersdept]

proclivity - part one - scott street

✯ pairing:

ex!bff!rafe cameron x diabetic!kook!fem!reader

✯ summary:

at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?

✯ warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!

Your feet hit the floor with a loud grunt as you pull yourself from your satin pink sheets, they feel heavenly and quite frankly, the discipline your parents are bestowing upon you as they do their best to make it a point that your pogue ex-boyfriend is an ex for a reason is mind-numbingly stupid. You’re aware of this fact — you are so hyper aware that it causes you physical pain. So much more than your broken wrist, which is also his fault as much as everything else. You groan loudly as you hear your mother call your name again. The “Don’t make me ask again, y/n” voice  she’s using is also mind-numbingly annoying, though you know that she is very serious and that she will probably send your father in to chop you into a million pieces and sell your corpse on the black market if you don’t listen to her. So, you scream back. 

“I’m up!” 

You screech. You are usually perfectly obedient and poised, but the one thing that JJ has taught you is absolute attitude from the pits of hell. Your parents had realized this new attribute early on into your relationship with him and from the way you picked up his habits so quickly, they knew he was bad news. It should’ve been your first sign that something – the relationship, him – it was all wrong. You should’ve known when your parents started talking in Rafe’s language – in pogue versus kook, because they weren’t those kinds of people, the kind to pass judgment on people that they didn’t know and you never had been either. You feel like you’re at a disadvantage because of this now, because really you should’ve listened to Rafe’s warnings in early childhood about pogues being bad news. You never expected them to be true, for your perfect pogue to make you question who you are, to wind you up in jail. Jail – a word so far from being associated with you that it makes you cringe just thinking about it. Just thinking about the way it's dirty, pogue-ridden walls were trying to infect you with its virus, to hold you captive for all the days of your life. When your father had picked you up, he was livid – fuming, ready to murder every person that had touched his precious baby daughter. You’d been without insulin for hours and were on the verge of being too sick to recover when he picked you up. That seemed to be the only real thing on your side as he stormed into the Kildare police station and carted you off to the hospital. Good thing he did, because your arm was broken as well as your diabetes royally fucking you like it always did. He demanded answers and you easily gave him the right one — that Taylor Swift’s Getaway Car hadn’t prepared you for this, for JJ’s abandonment either. You assumed he took pity on you then in the way that only a girl dad knows how to. That doesn’t really matter though, because you’re still getting punished. They are making you take a summer job at The Island Club in order to pay for your transgressions, the price of bail but more importantly worrying them and getting yourself hurt. You get it truly, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. You wish you could call Rafe in times like these, though you know those days have been over for a very long time. 

—

You’re behind the bar when they walk in, getting orientated by none other that a pogue named Summer from your class. She’s nice enough and very pretty, saving for college because without a job, there’s no way she will be able to go. You appreciate her kindness as she shows you how to make a Mai Tai for the fourth time. You notice the three stooges as they walk through the door from a fresh round of golf, still smelling of freshly cut grass and the stench of perspiration. You mentally berate yourself for your brain’s inability to use their real names after all this time. Rafe, Topper, and Kelce approach the bar dripping wet with sweat. You haven’t seen them exert this much physical activity since the beginning of last year’s football season so the sight is a little funny. It’s hot in the obx this year though, more so than years past. So, you’re guessing it hasn’t taken much to make them glisten. Your eyes are locked on your former friends, but Rafe particularly – since he’s really the only one stuck in the former category. The other two still love you very much, despite your very poor taste in men. He’s handsome – you note, more so than the last time you saw him. He’s grown about a foot, everything is bigger about him really and you can’t help but wonder if that part is bigger too – MOVING ON. He’s smiling, talking to Summer and for a moment you find yourself staring, wondering if he’s ever going to smile at you like that again one day. Stupid girl, you think. The answer is no and you know that. 

“Y/n, When did you start working here?” 

Topper asked, puzzledly. You can feel Rafe’s brow etch in confusion as he stares intently at your cheeks that are freckled brown from the summer sun. 

“I got in trouble, remember? This is my punishment.” 

You are doing your best not to have to explain your situation to the entirety of the club. So, you laugh in comradery with your friend, clenching your teeth and sporting a forced smile, though you feel ashamed about it and probably will punish yourself for it later. 

“Three Mai Tai’s, pretty please.” 

Rafe spoke, breaking your attention away from Topper, giving Summer his best puppy dog eyes. You smile softly at his tactics, noting that nothing has changed in that regard.  

“We can’t do that, can we?” 

You whisper in Summer’s ear. She looks at you and smiles. 

“Good girl! You’re picking up fast, just like I said you would.” 

You beam at her praise as she redirects her attention to the boys.

“Come on, boys. You know I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re underage.” 

She said, rolling her eyes. Topper laid his fake ID down on the flat mahogany surface of the bar, sliding it over. 

“This clearly states that I’m 23.” 

He retorted and you rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance. 

“Come on, y/n! Really? What is it? You only give alcohol to Maybank or something?” 

Rafe jokingly questioned with a sneer, his distaste for anything Pogue related always everpresent. Your face fell and your breath caught in your throat, the moment the last name of your ex-boyfriend left his lips. You think only of the Rafe that used to be your best friend and then to the moment that all changed during freshman year. How he left you in the dust of appearances and fancy parties, how he turned into a major dick who made it his newfound purpose in life to cut you down every chance he got. You remembered the embarrassingly drunk voicemail you left him last year, crying into the phone about how he was everything to you and he left you behind after the first time JJ had touched you in a violent way. You never told him that though. You had been civil and joked back and forth, but had no real conversations or interactions since then. That was mostly because you were embarrassed about it, you knew that he probably showed it to Kelce and Topper and laughed about it for ages, making fun of how pathetic you were. Your fears seem to be true now as he cuts you down with his sneer and hate-filled blue eyes. You still don’t know what you did, what you did to put the butterfly effect into motion; how you and Rafe got so far off the beaten path. The tears rimmed your eyes, being reminded of your now ex-boyfriend wasn’t how you planned on spending your afternoon. No one knew how you’d followed his every whim all summer, how it had landed you in jail, gotten you a broken wrist, almost killed you when you hadn’t paid attention to your sugar for hours. He’d left you there and no one knew and you wanted so badly to tell Rafe about all of it. But, you couldn't – not anymore. Because you were right where he left you, like an abandoned toy in the toy box he no longer wanted to play with. As if all of that wasn’t enough to embarrass you and make you want to die, JJ had cheated with one of your close friends, Kiara, too and all the Pogues knew about it – sending you into a spiral of grieving all your friends at once. You had virtually no one. Rafe didn’t know and how could he, you stopped getting to tell him the ins and outs of your life a long time ago. So, while the joke seemed harmless to him, it broke something inside of you. You looked up, meeting his eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. But, he knew you, he knew that look, he knew those glossed over eyes – he knew he had fucked up. 

“Woah, what’s wrong? I’m just kidding around. Can’t you take a joke, Y/N?” 

The bitterness left his tongue as quick as his feigned concern, almost like he couldn’t turn either off.  

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I’ve been wiping my own tears for a long time now.” 

You bit out, not meaning to spill your guts the way you did, but he deserved it. He couldn’t help but feel your words so deeply. He often felt guilty for the way he left you, with no reason why. There was a time when he would’ve talked you out of being with a loser like JJ Maybank, a time when he would dry your tears and hug you tightly, a time when he would’ve protected you. You slowly but surely made the boys their drinks, a tear slipping out of your eye. No one noticed but Topper and he gave you a sad, knowing look. You headed to the kitchen, hoping no one would be in the locker room that was right off to the side of it, so you could cry in peace. 

“What did I say?”

Rafe questioned the boys, confusedly. 

“You’re a fucking idiot. Have you not heard that Maybank cheated on her and all the Pogues knew about it? He got her in trouble, Rafe and she got hurt. She’s lost everybody important to her, and you just have to be an asshole to her, when we all know how you really feel about her. Grow up, man.” 

Kelce spoke up with distaste on his tongue. 

“Shit.”

He whispered out, deciding then, he’d make it his mission to get into your good graces again, if that was even possible. It’d been long enough without you in his life and he had only wanted a break to protect you from his own faults. 

After you had made it to the locker room, you leaned against the lockers, your head falling back in defeat. It’s been two weeks since JJ broke your heart and it felt like the last year with you had meant nothing to him. He didn’t even say he was sorry. You stayed like that for a moment, cringing thinking about the fact that you had to work with him tonight. Summer had warned you in advance as she orientated you and you gave her the smaller version of events. You wished so badly that you could rewind time and not let Rafe drift away from you, all you wanted in this moment was one of his hugs – feeling his strong, muscular arms wrap around you. It had been two years since you’d had a hug like that. You pushed the thoughts down once more, drying your eyes and making your way back out to the bar. The boys were still sitting there. Rafe took in your form, the way the blanched redness of your face stood out. He could tell you had been crying, really hard, and that made his chest tight. It had always made his fucking chest hurt. He wanted to kill JJ Maybank for what he had done to you. You made your way behind the bar and locked eyes with Topper. 

“Can I get you boys anything else?”

You asked – voice shaky. 

“We’re fine, Y/N.”

Topper spoke with a softness and an ease to his voice. Topper and Kelce had stayed friend’s with you even after Rafe decided not to and Topper was the first phone call you made after your dad had brought you home from the hospital; filling him in on all the gorey details. He came over with pizza and wine and made you laugh about how much of an idiot JJ was. That made you feel better for a while, but you cried yourself to sleep that night, mostly sad that you couldn’t call Rafe out of embarrassment or fear of leaving another voicemail he’d never return. You often wondered if you were ever important to him at all. 

“Hey, sweet cheeks!”

You were brought out of your thoughts by JJ’s boisterous yet sinister laugh as he called you by a nickname you no longer welcomed. Rafe watched as your body became completely stiff. It made his skin crawl that you were so uncomfortable and as he saw your eyes gloss over he knew this was about to be bad. 

“What, Y/N, you too good to talk to me now?”

JJ questioned, annoyed that you were ignoring him. You wanted to speak to him, but you couldn’t find the words to say and you definitely didn’t want to do it in front of Rafe. Before you could even muster up a response, Topper and Rafe were behind the bar, standing in front of JJ, blocking him from getting close to you. Summer was thankful because she had never liked JJ and couldn’t do much on her own to protect you. 

“Maybank, I suggest you back up. You have no right to talk to her after what you’ve done!” 

Rafe growled. 

“Oh and you do? You tore her heart out of her chest, hollywood.” 

He laughs in response. 

“What are you even talking about?” 

Rafe questioned confusedly. 

“Oh, you know, when you stopped talking to her out of the blue freshman year. What you thought I didn’t know about that? You don’t think everyone knows about that?” 

JJ’s laugh has become incredulous at this point. Rafe looked in your direction, with apologetic eyes. 

“What would you know about that? You don’t know anything that went on between us.” 

Rafe snarled. 

“I know she cried all the time. I know about that embarrassing voicemail she left you. I know she never got over it. I mean I can’t say I blame you for ghosting her like that, she’s boring and what would the king kook want with her-”

The sound of Rafe’s fist meeting JJ’s jaw was enough to send a chill down your spine. Topper quickly pulled you away from the scene, not wanting you to be caught in the crossfire of an angry Rafe, especially when it involved defending you – he knew he had no self control in that regard. 

“Y/N, look at me. Are you okay?” 

He questioned softly. 

“I-I, no, top. W-why d-did he do this t-to me?” 

You asked through stifled sobs and his soft eyes traced over your figure. Unbeknownst to you and Topper, Rafe had run out to find you after he mopped the floor with JJ, his knuckles bloody for you. But, as he made his way through the club, he heard stifled sobs on the other side of a wooden door and he stopped to listen.

“I don’t know, sweet girl. People cheat and I don’t think there’s ever a reason-”

Topper continued, but was quickly cut off by you as you clarified who exactly you were referring to. 

“No, why did Rafe do this to me? I loved him so much and I-I don’t know maybe JJ’s right. Maybe I just wasn’t good enough to be his friend anymore. Maybe he saw what a piece of shit I was.” 

You mumbled. 

“No, listen, it’s deeper than all that. When Rafe’s ready to tell you what happened, he will. But don’t beat yourself up, Y/N. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

He replied, stroking your hair. 

Rafe couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he really had broken your heart and you really thought you were the one that wasn't good enough for him. 

as always, if you'd like to be added to the taglist, please let me know <3

taglist:

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey

[cherriesformatt]

sand || matt sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

summary: matt surprised you with your dream date because he saw some tiktoks you reposted about it

warnings: pure fluff

word count: 1,3k

a/n: I saw this on TikTok and it was just so cute I had to write about it. Thank you guys for all the love under few last stories. I am really happy ily all! Remember English is not my first language so be patient with me! Now enjoy its so cheesy...

Matt told me this morning to get ready for a day because he is taking me out off town for a day. I was exited because the weather was beautiful today and it was so sunny and warm. May grey was making me wanna scream because it was so literally grey and foggy all the time so I was happy that sun was out (and if I'm lucky someones son is going to be inside me 😎 my fav joke to annoy matt). I wore a nice sundress and curled my hair. I did light makeup and I was waiting for Matt to pick me up. When he texted me that he was here I took my purse and sunglasses and went out. I locked my apartment and walked to the elevator that took me to the garage. I did not have a car so Matt always parked on my parking spot which came with my apartment. I smiled when I saw him leaning on his car.

"Hi..."I smiled at him and waved walking in his direction.

"Hi... you look beautiful baby" He pushed himself up and opened arms for me.

"So do you..." I smiled and threw my arms around his neck and kissed him lightly.

He was wearing denim shorts, white nikes and sleeveless black tee. His tattoos were showing. I loved them so much. His hair was fluffy and he had sunglasses on them taking some of his hair back. He looked so good.

"Get in loser were going to the beach" He said again after I moved away and patted my bum.

"Aw great I am so happy... the weather is so beautiful today and did you just quote mean girls? Who are you?" I said and got into the car after he opened the door for me. We were standing on the passenger side anyways.

"I know how you love the beach in spring time so I decided we could have some time on a nice beach...Malibu? And thats your fault you watch it all the time"He smiled.

I loved going up to Malibu. And yes I did love mean girls.

"I love you Matthew" I said happily and he laughed and closed my doors and went to his side. I loved him the most tho.

While we were driving I connected my phone to the aux and put some music on from our shared playlist so I did not have to listen to Matt's whine about my songs.

"So I am thinking brunch, ice cream and then beach or do you wanna take food to the beach? I have some snacks and drinks for us too" He said.

"We can take food to the beach" I said and he nodded agreeing with me.

"Cos he was sunshine I was midnigh...."I looked at Matt so he could finish singing.

"Rain...."He sang and I smiled.

"Oh how world would love you for singing Taylor" I laughed.

"It is you special only, I am not singing to anyone else" He said.

"You're in a good mood today.... Chris and Nick didn't have a chance to piss you off today?" I put my hand on his knee and stroked it gently.

"They were still sleeping when I left but I told them yesterday that were going away for a day and yes I am in a good mood because I missed you and you are so cute in your dress and I am exited about our date" He said and also put his hand on my thigh and left it there.

"Aww do its a date?" I smiled.

"Yes, it's a date...." He smiled as well.

Whole drive we were talking and singing and talking shit about other drivers and people because thats us.

When we finally arrived at Malibu we stopped to get some food and then we drove to the beach.

"What's that?" I asked when Matt took a bag from the trunk after he handed me food and drinks along with a blanket.

"You will see" He said.

"Okay..."I said looking at him suspiciously.

We settled down far from other people so we could have some privacy just in case someone would recognized Matt.

"So... I bought this" He took out glue and canvas from the bag.

"Oh my god....Matt how did you know I wanted to do this?" I gasped happily knowing already what is it all for.

"I follow you on TikTok you know" He laughed what made my laughed as well. I forgot I must have reposted some TikTok about this.

"Can I make a TikTok from this?" I asked him.

"Of course you can but let's eat first because knowing us we will get glue everywhere" He smiled.

"Probably.... Matt thats so cute I can't believe... you're the best boyfriend ever and like I never had to beg you for a good date.... you always just do this out of nowhere and it's been almost two years" I said.

Time with Matt was my favorite time of my life. He was my everything and I don't even remember who I was before I met him.

"Well.. I am trying out here, so are you, you're the best" He put some of my hair behind my ear.

I got up on my knees and kissed him. I loved him so much and it was all so cute that I couldn't resist.

"Our food will be cold" He laughed in my lips and I peck his lips one more time and moved to sit down on my spot.

We ate and opened some drinks. Then Matt went to throw away empty food containers while I prepared the canvas and glue.

"Ready?"I smiled and he gave me his hand.

I put some glue on in and distributed it all over his hand with my own.

Then we sticked our hands to the canvas.

"I hope it's going to work" I said while putting sand on one when he was putting sand on other.

Then we cleaned the access of the sand and only our sandy hand prints were left on the white canvas.

"Oh it's so cute Matt! It worked" I said.

"It did... here, you write our initials on mine and I will on yours" He handed me pastel pink marker. Pastel pink was my favorite color.

I did what he said and on the back I left a little note and the date.

"Let's go cleaned our hands?" He asked and I nodded.

We went to clean our hands in the ocean and came back. After we packed everything we took a walk by the shore and came back to the car.

"Would you like to stay at my place tonight?" He asked while we were driving.

"Yes... you have to show me how much you missed me" I winked at him and he laughed.

"You're impossible" He shook his head.

I edited the TikTok and posted it. It was very cute and I sent a picture to the group chat we had with his brothers.

"Your brother just called you a lover boy" I said and laughed.

"He can fuck himself" He rolled his eyes.

"Oh Matty but you are my loverboy...."I looked at him with a big smile.

"I will drop you off in your apartment actually" He said and it made me laugh even more.

"Okay okay I am done" I put my hands up in defense.

"Thought so..."He said and put his hand on my upper thigh under my dress. It made my body cover with goosebumps.

I smiled.

"Thank you for today... I loved every second of it" I told him.

"Don't thank me just yet...the night is still young sweetheart" He winked at me.

"Oh my god, he winked everybody" I said and put my hand on my lips acting surprised.

"Okay that's it, you're walking home, I am stopping right here" He laughed.

"You love me too much" I said.

" You right, I do..."He said back and took my hand to his lips and kissed it gently and then left both of our hands on his tight.

I was the luckiest girl in the whole world.

[forever-rogue]

It's a Lifestyle

AN | Hello, its me! Back from the dead for my favorite time of the year. It's just a sweet little scene with Eddie and his angel and their love of Halloween! 🥰

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.1k

Masterlist | Main, Eddie 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Eddie looked forward to coming home every day. So much. Like so much. 

Because he always knew that you'd be there, excited to see him, even if it hadn't been that long since you'd last seen each other.

He parked his truck in the driveway of the small house that now belonged to the two of you.

A very own home for you both.

He noted your car in the driveway as well, but when he came inside the house, you weren't there to greet him. He took off his boots and set them by the door, reaching down to pet Pickles as she wound herself around his legs. The small black cat purred loudly before giving him one final rub and heading over to the window to sit on the ledge and stare outside. People and animal watching had become a favorite pastime of hers.

"Angel?” he called out, wondering where you had managed to disappear too. He poked around downstairs but found nothing but the delicious smell of fresh brownies. It was like you'd known that he had been craving them. You definitely made the best brownies…not that he was biased or anything.

When you didn't answer him, he climbed up the stairs, assuming you were in the bedroom or office or…somewhere. Hopefully.

As he got to the top of the stairs, the floor squeaked slightly. That alone was enough to alert you to his presence, “Eddie?”

He followed the sound of your voice down the hall and around the corner, finding the stairs to the attic pulled down, “its just me. What're you doing up there?”

“Hi my love,” your pretty face appeared and made him smile, “I'm just going through some boxes to find the Halloween Decorations! I know I have some from the years past-”

“It's not even September yet,” Eddie raised an eyebrow, amusement written all over his face. He was trying not to laugh, but it was all in good fun.

“Halloween is a year round tradition, Edward!” You beckoned for him to come up the stairs, “its not my fault that my year round decor just happens to be Halloween appropriate. Halloween is a lifestyle.”

“I thought it was a holiday?” He started to make the short climb, quickly standing up next to you. He gently took your face in his hands, beaming at you.

“It's a lifestyle,” you repeated, putting your hands on his forearms, smiling back at him, “hi.”

“Hi,” he leaned and kissed you softly, pulling away much sooner than you would have liked, but you knew you'd get plenty more later, “Halloween being a lifestyle choice makes sense considering your skull collection.”

“It is an impressive skull collection,” you mused before kissing him again. When he had first met you he was surprised to find that you collected all sorts of different replica skulls. You didn't give off the vibe immediately but he found that they did suit you, “wanna help me decorate, handsome?”

“For you? Anything,” he agreed, heart swelling at the pure joy on your face, “you want to decorate now? We'll decorate now.”

“And maybe go shopping for some new decorations?”

“Sure baby,” he promised, “you never decorated our old apartment much.”

“It was small,” you shrugged softly, “and that only felt like a home because of you. But this is our home now, one we worked hard for. And there's no one else I'd rather be here with. Now we have the freedom and ability to make it our own, however we want.”

“Yeah,” fondness colored his voice as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I love you, you know?”

“I love you,” you threw your arms around him and gave him a cuddly, tender embrace, “now, my love, will you help me bring the boxes downstairs?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed dramatically before immediately getting ready to bring everything down the ladder. You could have asked him for the moon and stars and would have gotten them for you, “I hope you know I'm only being nice because you made brownies.”

“I knew I made them for a reason,” you grinned at him, “you're not a hard sell, Eddie Munson.”

“You're lucky I love you!”

“I love you lots and lots,” you promised, moving the first box towards him so he could bring it down, “and then some!”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I'm not sure about this,” Eddie frowned at the coffee currently nestled in your hand, eyebrows almost disappearing into his dark curls, “why do you want a drink that tastes like pumpkin?”

He was, meanwhile and as usual, holding a cup of hot, black coffee. You grinned and shrugged your shoulders before talking a long sip, “because it's delicious and the right amount of sweet and spicy. Besides, it doesn't taste like pumpkin, it's the spices. Try it.”

“What if I die?” He scoffed dramatically before taking the cup of your hand taking a tentative sip. You watched his face go through several emotions before he finally swallowed.

“It's good, huh?” You knew him well enough by now to know when he liked something. He mumbled something under his breath before handing the coffee back to you, “and you didn't die.”

“It's…acceptable,” he tried to play it off but you could see him struggle to hold his laugh back. He quickly grabbed it again and took another sip, “I wouldn't try it again.”

“Whatever,” you kissed his cheek before taking your coffee back and looping your arm through his, walking him in the direction of the home goods store you'd dragged him to. Not that he was really complaining - he loved Halloween too after all, “you don't have to admit I'm right.”

“You wish,” he rolled his eyes dramatically, eyes widening when he noticed all the Halloween items in the shop’s window display, “wow. That's so much Halloween…and it's still so early in the season.”

“That's how it is nowadays,” you shrugged, “but it's to my advantage!”

“What exactly is that you're looking for?”

You moved to step in front of him, looking ridiculously cute in your sweater and scarf and boots, all bundled up to stay warm, “we are looking for whatever speaks to us. You gotta feel it in your gut.”

He couldn't help but laugh as you reached for his hand and laced your fingers through his, “whatever you say, angel.”

“We don't have to do this,” you whispered softly, “if you don't want to, I don't want to make you do this, or to make you feel obligated-”

“I want to do this,” he promised, “I love spending time with you, whatever we do.”

“Me too,” you relaxed, smiling shyly at your boyfriend. You reached over and tucked a rogue curl that had escaped from his bun behind his ear, “c'mon on then! Oh - you get to pick what we do next. Wanna go to Guitar Center maybe?”

His eyes lit up as he nodded. He knew that you weren't a music nerd like him, but you always listened intently when he spoke about it, often getting very passionate. You always supported him and his music and he couldn't ask for more.

 “Hell yeah.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

That afternoon you spent several hours walking around and looking for the perfect Halloween and fall decor for the house. It was, admittedly, a lot more fun than Eddie could have imagined.

Plus, the two of you had gone to Guitar Center afterwards. Which hadn't hurt. You always felt like you were lost when Eddie got really into talking about music, but you loved how passionate he was about music…everything really.

The only thing that was left to do was to get pumpkins for the front porch and maybe some pie. But that you wanted to do closer to actual Halloween so the pumpkins wouldn't rot. Although Eddie had insisted that would look metal as fuck. 

The two of you had decided to make it a date day and by the time the two of you were heading home it was later into the evening.  Eddie was driving your car, one hand on the wheel and the other one was holding yours.

Music was playing quietly as the two of you talked about anything and everything that crossed your mind. After a while, a content silence fell over the two of you as you stared out the window at the passing scenery.

“What're you thinking about, angel?” He quickly turned his head to look at you, his face illuminated by the passing street lights.

“Nothing,” you felt your cheeks warm up, and keep your eyes turned from his. he squeezed your hand and you knew better than to think he would leave it alone. That wasn't his style at all. You turned your head to face him, squinting your eyes before sighing, “Alright, its something. But it's silly and you're going to laugh.”

“I wouldn't laugh,” he insisted as you raised an eyebrow at him, “fine, I won't laugh unless it's very laugh worthy.”

“You're such an ass,” but you were laughing now, the sound full of adoration and affection, “I was just thinking about how much I love this.”

“This?”

“Us,” you watched a smile tug up the corners of his mouth, “I love being with you. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he turned the street to your house, effortlessly pulling into the driveway and parking the car. You unbuckled your seat belt and turned to him, looking at him sweetly, “what? You're looking at me all funny.”

“I'm not looking at you funny,” you leaned over the center console and traced your fingers gently along his jaw, “I just really love you.”

“And…? I know there's something else you're not saying,” he took your chin in his hand and tilted your face up towards him, “out with it angel.”

“It's just that,” you bit your lip, sucking in a slow breath, “I can't wait to marry you one day. I mean. I know this is all real, that what we have is real. But I also can't wait to call you my husband one day. It's like an added little bonus.”

“Oh,” his pale cheeks turned bright pink as he tried to control his excitement. At first you were worried that he wasn't going to share the same sentiment but any worry that popped up quickly disappeared, “I can't wait for that either. I can't wait to call you my wife one day.”

“And you'll be my husband,” you whispered as he nodded eagerly, “you want to marry me too?”

“Of course I do,” he admitted shyly, “and I'm going to propose. You'll just have to wait and see when that is. It'll happen but you'll never know when.”

“Until it happens…”

“Until it happens,” he agreed. Eddie held out his hands and motioned for you to shuffle over the center console, “c'mere.”

“We're in the car!”

“Don't care,” he insisted, helping you over and onto his lap, “just wanna be close to you.”

“Even better,” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close to your lips so you could kiss him. He sighed softly against your lips, his warm and sweet smell overwhelming you in the best ways possible, “I love you so much, Eddie. Thank you for always dealing with me and my shenanigans.”

“I've never dealing with you,” he nudged his nose against yours, “I love every bit of you. Plus I also enjoy all of your so called shenanigans. We just have…adventures. Silly ones, but good ones. and I happen to love Halloween as much as you. It's a win-win for me.”

“For both of us,” you pressed your forehead against his, “do you wanna go inside and put up some of the stuff we got?”

“Yes,” he agreed eagerly, “but I want to enjoy some more of you first.”

“What…oh,” you grinned, “I would very much like that.”

“Let's go then,” he opened the door and gently helped you out of the car, “no time to waste, m'lady.”

“You're such a dork!”

“So are you,” he countered, “but I love you regardless.”

“And I love you, Eddie."

[the-entitie]

COD men x K-9 Unit male reader

Part 1 | Part 2》》

A/n: I can speak three languages, only one of which borrow German words, so forgive me for shitty translations. I'm from the RSA, so you know. Not any of the boys hometown.

Reader works with a K-9 unit and his partner is called Mutt who is a mix breed of Alaskan Akita and Doberman(Mutt is also a service dog as reader has paranoia and C-PTSD). Readers call sign is Riot. The 141 boys needed help tracing a terrorist and John called in some favors to bring Riot and Mutt into the field. He helped the Los Vaqueros as well.

After the mission back at base, the reader interacts with the men, and they end up interacting with him.

Reader is referred to as you or Riot.

Mentions of panic attacks, anxiety attacks, C-PTSD, war, and / or war related violence. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, past trauma. Death of a family member. Torture, scars, and flashbacks.

Left: American Akita and Right: Long-haired Doberman

John Price: (740 words)

-He met you first, saw you first. Hell, he verified your file so he knew of your old teammates that turned because of the torture, and he knew of the many years you spent MIA. He also knows what you did to get out. So he keeps you close and keeps an eye on you. He's the one who needs to clear you for this recon mission. It will be his fault if another team mate goes rogue. -It only take him a few minutes to see how much you actually relay on Mutt, it takes him days to see its not reliance, no the two of you act in a cemented trust between you two. From the interactions at home base to the way you both move like a well oiled machine on the field, it doesn't take a genius to see that Mutt is a deadly force with training that makes the hound that much more dangerous. Price comes face to face with that realization when he sees just how far Mutt can throw a soldier four times their size. And Mutt came up to his thighs, mind you. -Time and space are all Price really needed to trust you completely. He knew how you acted with Mutt, and therefore, he knew how you would act around a team you trust. It doesn't take him long to see its not only Mutt who reacts to you. You react just as much based on your K-9. Price nearly shoots you when you call out to Mutt because you didn't whistle for the hound. You howled, and he could hardly tell it apart from the wild dogs he's heard out in the desert. He didn't even understand what the fuck you where doing until he heard something answer you, in the same rumbling call. It took a lot more time to get used to those kinds of noises from you. He could expect them from Mutt but not when it's you who makes them -Both of you were exhausted, been about three long days on your feet with little sleep, that's when he asks you how you make the sounds Mutt does. Hell he even starts trying to learn them just to know how you and you K-9 partner work better. "So I just cup my hands and what now Riot? I Grunt?" "No," you laugh at him, he doesn't feel patronized by it, "you hold your hands around your mouth and just bark, makes it echo like a dog." He sounded more like a mountain lion then canine when he actually gave it a try. You teach him how to pitch it up a bit, and how to drag the call out properly. "And you don't use your hand because?" "Because I'm used to it, and can make the 'echo' without my hands. I still do when I howl. Look." A few nights pass before he uses it to scare a tango shitless out side of the enemy base. He doesn't admit it but he likes 'talking' to the local wild dogs with you. He even enjoys hearing you and Mutt go off at each other because it means your both alive and still here. -Out side of the field and when you two go out to roam the town at the dead of night, he comes to see that the canine noises you and Mutt share gives you peace. The kind he used to find in cigars and smoke. He gets it, he knows that some people just have a vice. When you find him smoking alone behind his own home, he shrugs it off and blames it on the smoke detectors. He doesn't say that he stops to make your K-9 more comfortable in his home. He doesn't stop smoking but he tries to avoid it for your sake. You only corner him around a day or so to thank him. He won't admit to the red flaring up on his ears, but he tells you to drop it. -If he's ever the one who finds you when your having an attack, he will guard you. Get you safe and comfortable then he will become a gruff mother bear and be completely over protective of you. He only calms down when he sees that Mutt already does that, and he learns what can help you, what to look out for. He won't admit it though.

Simon 'Ghost' Riley: (734 words)

-Ghost didn't like you at first. or well he doesn't like anyone actually but he didn't like you. -You had a dog breed that was originally made for bear bating and he hated that he knew that. Even if you didn't get the hound because of that. Well, that and Mutt is constantly muzzled. It took you explaining it was required by law for him to try and ignore it. -But when he watches how fluidly you and Mutt work together, even seeing the raw fucking power that dog has when Mutt tackled an enemy to the ground, he starts to understand why you have to keep Mutt muzzled. Even if he didn't like it. -Simon has an ex-military dog at home so he knows how to act around an active working dog. He's the best to be around if you don't want people petting or trying to do anything really with your K-9 partner. -when at the base afterwards he sees that the dog isn't just a working dog but acts like you service dog. Everything from crowd control to doing small tasks for you on the daily. To siting between your legs when you have your back to anyone when doing a task to protect you. Mutt will even start doing this quiet sort of 'rueff' sound that will make you get out of where ever you are without any fanfare, you will just disappear. -He only finds out why a lot later. He feel kind of stupid for missing it after the fact. -Its the scars that cross your back and over your shoulders, the hitches of thick skin around your jaw. You are a torture survivor. So suddenly he gets it. Mutt is your safety, the dog wears a muzzle because your K-9 partner is also a person protection dog. -After he realized the why you stick to your partner so closely, he would begin to help Mutt protect you. He would stand ahead of you when Mutt would lay down to create space (crowd control). Ghost would watch your back and react with your partner to help you. -He takes his mask off when you two are either alone or when your are forced to show your scares he shows some of his to help you feel more comfortable. -you start to notice it, and at first you would try to stop him but eventually you just start protecting him back. You become more comfortable around him. Simon notices it to. -One day after a few days straight of being on your feet, both you and Simon end up passed out in his private quarters. Ghost wakes first to see Mutt cuddle against you and draped across him, when ever he tried to move the dog, they would just growl and to his utter amusement you growled back. -After that he gets you to 'talk' to Mutt any time he can, even on missions. - Ghost was the one who told you and Mutt to bark at each other to distract the enemy when on a recon mission. "Copy Riot, we need an in" "Need an in, copy. Any ideas for that L.t?" "Yeah, Riot go off and make some noise with Mutt" "Seriously?" "Yip, get going we need that data" You two got in, and yes you did start howling back and forth with Mutt in the echo trick wolves use. The enemy thought they were surrounded by cayotes. -When you eventually cuddle up with Ghost again, and Mutt yips or growls at you and you make the noise back, Simon will growl at you. It becomes a games between you to, even doing it as call outs outside of coms. Soap complains about wild dogs once and now Simon will get Mutt vocal just to fuck with Soap. -he starts calling you dog related nicknames, your name doesn't exist anymore. Call sign? only when necessary. You are now called with doggie names. He'll call out a, "Heh, Good boy" "Come on puppy you can speak" when you go dark on coms, or just when you don't answer him. Yes he will also say things like, "What ever you say Fido" -He makes you swear to never tell a soul that he also barks back at Mutt when you two are off duty. You caught him coping a growl when playing with Mutt once. -He gets Mutt and his las to meet. Now he also makes dog sounds with you on his down time, even without you much to his old girls delight.

John “Soap” Mactavish: (616 words)

-He loves your K-9 partner from the first time Price introduces you to the team, sure he tries to be professional but the second you let Mutt go off to play out of gear he just wants to give the hound so many pets. They are just so big and have that cute angry tilt to their face! Can you blame him. -when out on the field, he loves running with two of you on missions. The adrenaline and rush and just how much faster you two are than him. He loves it. -You end up doing it with him outside of missions after a while. Hiking out in mountains and secluded valleys, it's the first time he hears you howl with Mutt. The coyotes had started, yipping over whatever they killed lower down the ridge. Mutt, who was a few paces head, had paused to howl, without thinking you howl with them. Scares Soap but he just finds it fun. -Soap being so in love with Mutt leads to just being around you a lot. He starts learning what certain movements mean to you and your dog, how a sharp left with your hand was a call to draw back or how the shift of your stance meant to take the lead. It amazed him how well you read each other. -Then he sees how you act outside of the field, how Mutt still acted like a protector, and you kept mimicking the sounds Mutt made. Especially when you were more tired. He found it cute. Hell, he loved playing with Mutt, so when you made the hound more excited, he also got just as if not more excited. -Soap loves head scratches you find out when you two are off duty and hanging out. He's on the floor with Mutt and the hound he's cuddling wines before you reach down to comfort the dog with head scritches. You miss and pet Soap instead, beside being completely flustered, he asked you to do it again.  He just starts asking you to do it more and more before you start petting him the same way you pet over your hound. -Now you start with the dog related nicknames, even over coms. Much to Soaps embarrassment and the teams delight. He nearly buckles the first time you call him a good boy, and he does when you call him a good dog. Blames it on a miss step. -He loves, loves, loves listening to you, and Mutt yap back and forth, loves even more when you go to rough houses with growls and even try pining you down one. He fails, but he doesn't care. -Soap only catches one of your attacks when it's about sun down. You're both at his place standing in the kitchen when your shoulders suddenly hitch, but you continued on as normal. Until Mutt wandered over to you, they stopped dead before making a gruff noise and jumping up onto you. Instead of getting you secluded because, of course, the hound sees Soaps house as a safe space. And Mutt will get you down, force you to sit and lower your head. "Woh, n'er knew em ta jump? Wait shit. ROIT!" He'll be right there next to you, knows what to do because of Ghosts episodes on recons. "What's it, lad? What can I do ta help 'im?" -You don't really talk about it. Sure, you explain what it was and why Mutt did that, but not the why it happened. It takes a while to admit that the scares you hide are the reason for that attack. He gets it he does, and now? Mother fucker will do dumb shit to distract you, or just talk and talk and talk. It helps, he knows it helps.

König: (764 words)

-Being a sniper, he likes the added security, the extra eyes to help watch his back. Sure, he doesn't trust you per say but he tries to be friendly none the less. -He had no idea what Mutt was trained for until he saw the both of you take down someone who made it to his vantage point. He saw how you moved like Mutt was an extension of yourself, that's how you earn his respect. -König didn't know why you had so many commands for Mutt, but most of them were cues or just situational. Most of all, the verbal commands you use are in Russian and Dutch so he can understand some of the tasks you ask Mutt to do . It kind of scares him that Mutt would know which trail was a friend and which person wasn't. He stands by that fear when he watches you set them off on a run away target. -He will only admit to himself that both you and Mutt look way to good covered in the gore from that attack. -You had to explain that that kind of training meant your partner had to be muzzled. You both get to talking that night, swapping stories of close calls, and König shyly showed you the star splattered scar on his jaw. Lifting his hood up just enough to see it before hurriedly drooping it back down. You share a few of the worse days you had as a call in search and riot guard and snippets of the scars covering your throat. -Habits begin forming. König will be a silent wall between you and crowds while Mutt would start alerting to his anxiety attacks as well. You made a joke about borrowing Mutt to him on the days off. He didn't understand the first time Mutt barked at him in a weird gruff tone before jumping up and doing it again. It's when you get him secluded and safe that you explain it to him. "Its called signaling. They can tell you when these things are going to happen or are actively happening. " "So it's to let me know?" "Yeah, for me, it's when I'm going to either for a flash back or when my paranoia forces me into a panic attack." "Flash back?" "Yes, remember that sister I told you about." -It took days for you to actually relay that story to him. How your team abandoned you, how the enemy held your sisters head above your bloody form. You explained how that caused phantom pains or flashbacks and how crippling that can be some days. -He becomes your solace after that. He would be there when you needed it. Keep people away when you couldn't look at anyone. He even began listening to Mutts alerts. He even lets you help him through the easier ones. -König called you one night when you both were off for the next few days. You could tell by the shake on his breath what was happening before he could tell you. That was when you showed him how Mutt does decompression therapy, the hound big enough to help ground him. You stayed that night, even teaching König some of the commands you use to tell Mutt how to help you. He's quick to learn them as some phrases are Dutch that you use so he can catch the meaning of some commands. -You don't call him until a long while later. It's on a mission while you two are hunkered down after a botched extraction. Or well, Mutt calls him. "Riot? Are you, Oh Scheiße! 「Shit」" "wat 「what」, ag. What can I do? Dir helfen 「Help you」, how can I help. Please let me help you. " -He ended up holding how so you couldn't hurt yourself in these attacks. It didn't feel as entrapped as you thought it would. König is so much bigger than you, but it's like he makes a physical barrier between you and the world. He helps your partner make you feel safe. It's hard to explain to anyone why your panic attacks act like that, why your mind needs pain to calm from feeling like you're dying. König will explain how his attacks can feel suffocating, and that's why his jaw and throat are so bruised most days. -Between one mission and the next, you start showing off things you and Mutt can do to him, like Mutt retrieving throne knives or how the hound can trace any sent it knows for miles. -You only bark back at Mutt one night when trapped in a safe house. Neither of you could find each other, and mutt had run off

Alejandro Vargas: (720 words)

-Learning of the terrorist stationed so close to los vaqueros' home base, Alejandro was quick to reach out. The 141 had helped him before, so he was surprised to learn of the newer recruit they called in to help them. Alejandro told Price to just bring you along. They needed the extra help honestly, as much as he refused to trust any of 141 purely on principle. They needed the help. -He met you with Ruddy on the roof of the office building, and he asked the polit to land on. When you dropped from the helicopter with the others. Mutt held to your chest before being deposited on the ground. He's seen how some of the other search and rescue units who have K-9's, but he's never seen anyone who works with their hound like you do. Alejandro is both grateful and terrified to have you fighting with him.  -Seeing you and Mutt outside the field was even more intriguing. How the two of you reacted perfectly to each other, he saw a bit of himself and Rudy in the way you two work like a well-oiled machine. He tried to play nice, be kind and calm, but when shit hit the fan? He drops it. Its only been a week before you use the recall command on Mutt to level the man they needed to interrogate. Both of you were forced to hunker down in a safe house, Alejandro making the bound man walk with little success. He asked for your help not long after the son had dipped down.  "Think he will talk?" "Not willingly if that file you circulated was true." "Any ideas?" "You aren't scared of loud noises, are you?" "Not really, why?" -When you said you could help, this isn't what he was expecting, but it was working. You had taken to standing behind the tied down guy, and whenever Alejandro could sound even remotely frustrated,  you would call out to Mutt before the dog would lunge with a snarl or harsh bark. Scared the man shitless, and he would mumble about 'de-ablo' or 'deamons' on and off. When things got too harsh, or either of you were cornered, he watched in equal parts horror and delight as you let Mutt cull those surrounding you all. Watch as you both kill together just as well as you work together. -It eventually became a joke, the whole you being a dog or sounding like one. Even when the two of you left the safe house. Hell, he started talking to you like he would your dog. Started to tease you with the same command you used on your hound. "Come on, Roit, I know you can beg better than that." "Here, cachorro cachorro cachorro [puppy puppy puppy]!" "Such a good boy, you want a treat?" "There we go, Good perro. Now sit for me." Even saying he kept treats for when you were especially well behaved. If you didn't also start laughing along he wouldn't have kept doing it and actually started keeping 'treats' on hand for you on the late nights you two would just talk on and on about nothing and everything. -Being back at the base and left to your devices, he started asking about everything Mutt could do. He would ask if you could also do the tricks and inquire about the ones you could. "Wait cariño, you can howl?" "Yeah. Wanna hear me?" "Oh more than anything." "hhhm, maybe I'll do it later." "I'm happy to beg you, but I think you would sound better begging me, cariño." "I don't beg Alejandro." "You will. And you'll sound so good doing it." "Try me," -He loved hearing you talk to Mutt. Just waiting up at night to listen to the back and forth of barking and yips that echo across the open land. Whether from far away or not, he loved it. -Alejandro is the worst when either of you get hurt. He is the worst flirt, and he lays the dog related teasing on twice as thick. Not only is Rudy swearing him out in broken Spanish, but you don't help either. Doing anything to help him stay conscious or playing along to distract yourself from the pain. Even Mutt begins to see him as safe.

More COD Boys x K-9 unit reader 》》》》

[writertothemaximum]

hi i want to request a sfw fic if its okay :3 yuuji with a reader who is anxious at all times and like really easily scared? like huohuo from hsr ( if you play hsr ) headcannons or anything is fine , and male reader please

omg yes it’s very okay!! I do play hsr, huohuo is such a cutie,, (I’m sure you are too anon!) (patpat) Anon, you might really like Kaito Yuki from the jjk mobile game! He has a really cute arc with Yuuji about overcoming his preconceived biases and fear of curses. (i’m really hoping someone translates the main story ;w; but that’s where it is) I hope you enjoy this little story :)

Yuuji x Easily Scared + High Anxiety Reader

// content // sfw, Established relationship, both of you are Juju tech students, reader has compulsive anxiety (thoughts about dying), but it’s okay yuuji will comfort you (and you will comfort him), hurt/comfort, ugly crying, I don't think I actually state the reader's gender anywhere but I was imagining male

-Getting through each day is like a roller coaster for you. Classes are difficult enough, especially when you constantly get compared to your peers, and then missions. Missions are a completely different subject.

-Luckily, your cursed technique isn’t exactly built for combat, but they need your expertise here and there, and every time you’ve gone, you’ve seen your life flash before your eyes. Being a sorcerer isn’t an easy job in any sense of the phrase, but the fact that this is commonplace? That this is normal? You’re saving people. You’re helping people. You’re doing your best, but your best isn’t enough, it never was.

…

You and Yuuji are cuddling on the couch, and a movie plays on the TV. It’s a horror movie that Yuuji’s been begging you to watch with him for a while now, and while horror isn’t your favorite, you’ve had to admit that it’s more enjoyable than you initially expected. A part of it hits too close to home, but there’s also something a bit cathartic about seeing people freak out more than you do. (Well, they are just acting. You’re not.)

Today, though, is a little different. You just knew the moment you got out of bed today that it was going to be a bit of a rough one. There’s just this tension in your fingertips, this rattling in your brain—It’s just not a good day. You’re on edge and you don’t know why. Did you get into an argument with someone? Did you forget to do something? Was it the mission yesterday? Oh god, it has to be the mission yesterday. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault.

You could have died. You can die tomorrow. You look right at Yuuji and you feel his heartbeat pumping against you in a steady rhythm. You can lose him. It might even be your fault.

There’s a loud noise on the screen, and the monster jumps up and the screen cuts to red. Somehow, you’re screaming and there’s tears running down your face.

“Hey!” Yuuji shouts out, pausing the movie, turning his attention to you. “Are you alright? What’s up? Hey, come on.”

He’s so sweet, his voice is so sweet you could drown in it. It’s too much. It’s just too much all at once.

You find yourself babbling, tears running down your cheeks. It’s pathetic, god, you’re so fucking pathetic. Yuuji’s looking right at you. What is he thinking? Is he going to hate you? Because you started balling at a stupid fucking jumpscare?

His arms wrap around you, and you sniffle, feeling the soft fabric of his hoodie rub against the back of your neck. “It’s okay. I’m here, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumble out, finally getting a grip on human language.

Yuuji just chuckles. “Why are you apologizing? I should be apologizing, I kept pressuring you to put on the movie.”

You squeeze Yuuji back, and his toned body is so soft, you can just sink in for hours. He’s like a furnace, and everything fills you with warmth. “I’m sorry for being pathetic and crying in front of you.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Yuuji says bluntly, his voice firm. There’s a pause, and Yuuji goes still. You feel him tense up just a bit. “You know,” he starts, taking a breath, “I’ve always admired you. Like a lot.”

You bite your lip. That’s a bit hard to believe. Clearly, Yuuji can tell.

“I mean it! Whenever I get scared, I think about you cheering me on. Whenever I doubt myself, I think about how hard you push yourself, and I just…” He’s sniffling now. “Fuck.”

“Yuuji?” you ask, and you turn to look at his face, but he’s wiping it against his hoodie. When he turns to face you, he smiles weakly, and there’s tears rolling down his face.

“I don’t want to lose you, alright?”

You hug him tighter—tighter than you ever have before. “You get scared? I can’t imagine…”

“I do!” he whines back at you, before rubbing his nose against his sleeve again. “Fuck.”

“Yuuji!” you shout out, and he laughs back at you.

“God, I love you,” he mumbles, before nuzzling the bottom of your chin. “I love how strong you are, I love how hard you work, I love how you push yourself to do your best. I love how much you care, I love how much you want to do the right thing.”

You bunch your shoulders up instinctively, pouting your lips. “It’s not…you don’t think it’s pathetic I’m anxious all the time?”

Yuuji chuckles weakly, and now his face is on your chest. His eyes are closed, and he looks at peace. “If you weren’t, it wouldn’t be you. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

If you liked this story, please give the post a reblog, or send me another request :)

Thanks for reading!

[erens-heart]

detailed fluffy/smutty headcannons! draco malfoy as your boyfriend.

i’m writing this as a continuation of “ive got my eye on you”, and sooort of requested by @dolcid. i’ll hopefully write a proper part two soon but for now here are some detailed, fluffy bf!draco headcannons to keep you satisfied. ive thrown some smuttys hcs in as well, so you really get the picture (i love reading headcannons so i hope you’re as pleased with this as i am!) <3

WARNINGS! SEXUAL CONTENT. SMUT. 18+

malfoy is a really good boyfriend. you’ve never had one before though so you can’t compare him to much :(

the way he confessed to you was really impressive though (and really turned you on! drunk kisses > )

he gets better and better at kissing every time you do it. he’s not very emotional but he’s passionate, if that makes sense?

when you’re kissing he doesnt administer alot of touch himself but he loves it when you touch him. he lets you run your hands all over his chest, it makes him groan.

when he DOES touch you, its usually your thighs.

despite all the kissing, he’s actually very cautious about going any further with you, because he knows you’ve never been fucked by anyone before. in the first few weeks, he sticks to hot makeout sessions with you.

he used to tease you for being ugly when you disliked eachother, he never meant it, by the damage it did to your confidence meant you never pursued a relationship before him so you’re really a virgin in every aspect. (slay tho <3)

draco doesn’t do dates really. he likes to keep you all to himself, he’s selfish like that. so he usually invites you to the slytherin common room, and takes you up to his dorm.

he banishes the goons from the dorm to spend time with you because he knows they make you uneasy.

he really cherishes quality time over anything, that’s his love language. he doesn’t have to be kissing you the whole time, sitting beside you whilst you read is enough for him. he’s enamoured with your presence.

he’s always been enamoured with your presence, even when he pretended to hate you.

draco is quite a grumpy boyfriend. not mean. just moody. he doesnt like other people. he especially doesnt like harry potter. or anything about any of the gryffindors. you pay it no heed, you just find it cute.

he takes things further one day and you let him eat you out. he doesnt do this alot. hes mostly a receiver.

he’s really dirty when he wants to be, its the fault of his smirk, it makes him look even dirtier.

draco is heavy on the dirty talking and teasing, after all your relationship begun because of his unremitting teasing.

so when he’s licking your pussy, he’s doing it whilst smirking and cooing annoyingly because of how red your face is going.

he gets really hard because its his first time going further than kissing with you. youre the first girl that hes had feelings for as well, so it makes it unreal for him. he gets so hard he has to ask you to suck his dick.

he doesnt beg you though! his voice is cool and nonchalant like it always is.

instead of cumming in your mouth, he comes all over your pussy because he likes how it looks.

when you two finish, he isn’t one for cuddling, but he lets you lay beside him in his arm, and fall asleep on his chest.

when its time for you to go back to your dorm, he folds all of your things up for you, stacks all of your books. hes weirdly a neat-freak.

when you aren’t hanging out on his bed, you’re watching his quidditch games.

one day he has a bad fall and ends up in the hospital wing, with his arm in a sling. typical draco!

he’s a hypochondriac lol!

you drop your studies to sit with him. he grumbles profusely about the pain and the sling. he loves complaining.

you shut him up by kissing him, which makes his expression harden because you two werent public about your relationship yet. but you dont care.

when he’s injured in hospital he lets you groom his hair for him. he cares alot about his appearance. its a frequent occurance. because hes not one for skinship its how you feel close to him.

he warms to the idea of cuddling a bit, but when he does he prefers to be spooned rather than spoon you. and he always does it under the blanket so no one could accidentally see.

he’s a tall, protective boyfriend. he usually wards “threats” away with rude, witty comments, or dirty looks. he doesnt care. you’re his.

when you’re in public, he stands behind you w his hands on your shoulders so he can protect you at all times if he needs to.

he gradually becomes more comfortable being emotional around you. not emotional as in sad or cloying but. he smiles more. not big cheeky smiles, but small ones you notice when you catch him off gaurd.

he kisses you alot before bed, you start sleeping over in his bed in the slytherin dorm, you get away with it because he becomes a prefect.

he kisses the top of your head and your hands/fingertips the most. you’re precious to him, that’s how he conveys it.

after a few weeks of sleeping in his bed, he makes the ultimate move on you and fucks you for the first time. “making-love” is a bit cringe in dracos opinion, he is draco malfoy after all. but it isnt senseless fucking.

he loves the power imbalance of you getting onto your knees for him and sucking his dick. like i said, hes a receiver!

he puts his big, pale hand in your hair and bounces it harshly on his dick. he doesnt make you choke on it though, he doesnt like that.

he actually doesnt fuck you in his bed, the first time. you both get so carried away that he takes you against the wall. from all angles. behind. from the front.

it’s rough, desperate fucking. youve never been fucked before. its such a new and overwhelming feeling. youve been pining for eachother for so long.

he cums all over your pretty pussy again, but not inside it (obvs) and admires it for a while whilst catching his breath.

you start crying after! it was such an intense experience that you get a bit… worried? overwhelmed? it’s not serious crying but you need some softness.

draco isn’t always the best person to rely on for softness but he knows that you need it right now after the way he’d just fucked you.

you cuddle properly for the first time. all naked and sticky (draco HATES that, but he doesnt mind tonight bc its you) and he kisses your head over and over.

hes not big on aftercare usually. but hes patient with you tonight. he lets you sleep off the feeling, and wear his big, boxy school shirt whilst you do so. it smells of him. you love it.

you love him.

he loves you too, hes thinking.

but you don’t tell each other just yet ;)

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: Allegations Gen 1 pt.92

CW: language

Kane came back to the table with two coffees in hand. He placed one down in front of Kason.

Det. Hana: Black. One sugar.

Kason picked up the cup and took a long drink, allowing the liquid caffeine to wake his senses. Kane chose the seat across from Kason, scraping the legs against the floor obnoxiously.

Det. Hana: Okay Gratz, start from the beginning.

Kason spent the next 40 minutes giving Hana a play-by-play of the moment he met Paris over a year ago, right up to the supermarket a few hours earlier. Hana stayed silent, sipping his coffee and scribbling notes in his pad. There were moments when Kason would notice Hana raise his eyebrows or some other reaction would involuntarily slip past his carefully constructed mask, before he would catch himself and indifference would settle over his features again. When Kason finished his recap Detective Hana dropped his pen and drummed his fingers on the tabletop before he answered.

Det. Hana: There’s something I find, enthralling, about your story. So Greg, your boss, turned a blind eye to Ms.Amyot’s harassment because of old debts or so you say, but that shouldn't have stopped you from calling the local authorities? The work place harassment would have been enough to report to the police, but when it extended to your home life a range of options opened up. Yet you, nor your wife filed a single complaint. Why?

Kason tried to disguise his sullen look as he leaned towards the arrogant detective trying to appear sturdy and intense, failing when he nearly knocked over the remnants of his coffee. He hurried through his explanation, but it sounded feeble even to his own ears.

Kason: I was dealing with her! When she started involving my wife I reported her to Greg. Mercury and I discussed making a formal complaint, but I was hesitant. Our triplets were just starting preschool, we had an infant and with Mercury’s celebrity status, I was concerned that would make her and the kids a bigger target. Mercury has maintained a reasonably private life here in Brindelton Bay, until Paris. She doesn't want the kids exposed to the media, its part of the reason we moved from the city, so we decided against filing the report. Paris never gave me reason to believe she would be anything more than an annoyance to my family until today.

Det. Hana: Handling her you say I'm sure you were. Well that was foolish and selfish.

He replied with a smirk his tone condescending. Kason however, couldn’t find the humor in the situation.

Kason: Did I miss the joke?

Hana's expression was borderline smug. Kason couldn't decided if Hana enjoyed making other people uncomfortable, or if he knew something Kason didn't.

Det. Hana: The only joke here is that excuse. Instead of worrying about your family's business being posted everywhere, you should have been concerned with keeping them safe. If what you say about Ms.Amyot is true, she displayed dangerous behaviors that you ignored, all to keep your wife's name out of the news. Your family already had a target on their backs, you were merely protecting them from the camera's. Well, after this incident your family's face will be all over Brindelton Bay. Though it seems to me like your wife, didn't get much say in how Ms.Amyot was "Handled" as you put it, yet she got the short end. So what did you truly accomplish?

Kason was stunned by Detective Hana's audacious question, but he'd asked himself the same things. What had he accomplished? What had he actively done to protect his family from Paris? Had it truly been Mercury's image that kept them from going to the police or had it been his own pride? Had his ego forced him to feel like he needed to deal with Paris on his own terms? Each question brought him back to the same conclusion: this was his fault, and he spiraled in silence. When Kason didn't respond Hana changed tactics.

Det. Hana: We had an opportunity to speak with Ms.Amyot. She has a very different recollection of your relationship. She claims you two started dating behind your wife’s back not long after she began working at Bay Robotics Engineering. Said you made it official when the two of you were sent on a business trip together. That was also when you disclosed to her that you were looking to get a divorce quote "She's an entitled brat and doesn't deserve anything she has."

Kason: You're kidding right?

Hana shook his head as his eyes dance with amusement.

Det. Hana: I'm not finished, Mr.Gratz. She also told us about a more recent conversation she claims you had. One about your wife's will. You see, Ms.Amyot isn't denying she attacked your wife, but she is adamant that the two of you planned this together.

Kason visibly blanched, the unexpected accusation was like a punch in the gut, leaving him speechless. Then his face contorted with rage as he uttered.

Kason: Are you suggesting, I helped Paris attempt to murder my wife?!

The smug grin returned to Hana's face, if he smiled any wider, he'd look identical to a Cheshire cat.

Det. Hana: I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just informing you of the allegations being made against you.

Kason: I don't fucking believe this, there's no way the police believe her.

Det. Hana: I personally wouldn't be so sure.

Kason: You bas-

He clamped his teeth down on his tongue, hard. The taste of copper quickly filled his mouth. He collected himself before grounding out his careful response through clenched teeth, his jaw felt as though it might break from the pressure.

Kason: Am. I. under. arrest?

Det. Hana: No, not at the moment. We have no evidence to substantiate any of the claims she's made against you. What we do know, is she attacked your wife and she knows she can't get out of that. So, maybe this is her attempt at trying to distract us with false claims. Or maybe there's some truth to what she's saying. Only time will tell, but take this as your formal warning not to leave Brindelton Bay.

Hana collected his things and pushed back his chair as Kason felt the effects of the caffeine abandon him. He leaned back in his seat, shoulders sagging forward, proof of the tremendous weight he was carrying.

Det. Hana: We have your statement and contact info. When we need something we'll be in touch. Let's go, Adler!

Kason took heed to the fact that he’d said “When” and not “if”. Hana stalked off while Officer Adler idled behind. When they first arrived Hana had call Adler his partner, but it was clear he was being used as more of a security guard. When Hana rounded the corner Adler finally spoke.

Ofc Adler: I'm sorry about Kane. He just made second grade detective, this is his first case as lead, but he's always been this way. His big mouth is going to get him in trouble one of these days. I'm certain he wasn't supposed to tell you any of that stuff according to what Sargent Gordon told us. We were supposed to gather your statement and leave. He won't be happy to hear that Kane's gone off script.

Kason: Sargent Gordon? Conrad Gordon?

Alder: Yeah, that's the Sarg. Do you know him?

Kason: Not well, but we've seen each other around. His son goes to the same elementary school as my kids and I’ve seen him at the Buttercup Pet Clinic his girlfriend is the owner. My wife will only allow Heather and her vet techs to see our cockapoo Comet.

Alder: Well that might make this a little easier. I'll see if I can get him to speak with you or at least suggest he assign someone else to the case. I don't like the way that Kane is handling this.

Before Kason could thank Adler, Kane reappeared.

Det. Hana: Alder, move your ass!

Ofc Adler: Damnit Kane, I'm coming!

As officer Adler left, Kason immediately regretted the way he’d treated him during their first encounter. Adler was clearly a good guy who was going out of his way to help. Kason also didn’t like the way that Hana spoke to Adler, like he was a pet to be commanded. He understood that rank was important in their world, but it shouldn’t outweigh benevolence.

Kason pushed asides thoughts of Adler, allowing his brain to focus solely on the conversation with Hana. Paris had tried to make him out to be her accomplice. The fact that the pretty boy detective; who was clearly on a power trip, seemed to be entertaining her claims, made it worse. This was her grand scheme. She had attacked Mercury and the kids and now she would try to have him charged with aiding and abetting her in an assault against his family. As the magnitude of the accusation sunk in a doctor called out from the waiting area.

Doctor: Family of Mercury Gratz?

Previous Next

Beginning

Sidebar: Thank you @abbysimsfun for allowing me to include the Nesbitt-Gordon family. We talked about it sooo long ago, when I first had the thought for this installment of the story. I didn’t know how I was going to introduce them, but you gave me a clear opening with your more recent post. Thank you for writing and sharing your amazing sims with me!

[omghallucinations]

enhypen heeuseung: wow this is a lot of nurturing benevolent energy especially for someone with a relentless work ethic and need to succeed???

psa: i went into this cold! i have seen clips of this boy off tiktok and i listen to enhypen's music a lot but idk him well, so lmk if this resonates from what u see lmao

wow, i am genuinely impressed! i would trust him with a lot more responsibility than your average man. there is a lot of empathy and compassion and sense of responsibility to others here! capture my heart, why don't you????

ok let's get started.

birth time unknown, my nemesis! well, we've got a range for his moon (21° virgo to 5° libra). no clue about rising, angles, etc etc etc. but! we can dispositor tree.

we've got a mutual reception tree, where venus and mercury rule each other.

someone with a mutual reception tree:

diplomatic

sees other people's perspectives

negotiator

two dimensions of the personality, might lean one way or the other

libra mercury has more influence unless his moon is in libra in which case that branch moves over to venus.

either way we can see his primary actors are gonna be : anxious kind of (self) critical art/relationships vs. diplomatic communication. the work ethic (saturn) also is important (saturn is in charge of mars, his willpower, who is very strong in capricorn), so is the moon (emotions, security needs) and jupiter (beliefs, travel, learning). question--does he have... anxiety? either way probably good to have him on a team bc he can smooth over conflict well.

unsurprisingly his libra sun is way down on the list of influence!! a libra sun is in its fall. a planet in its fall is like stranded somewhere where it does not have any currency, does not speak the language, has no idea what is going on. like it's still around but boy is it confused. libra suns + identity issues 4-ever. libra sun is leaky. the moon and rising are gonna be more influential, and in this case virgo vibes regardless of moon--venus in virgo wields influence over his sun.

ok so just ran into a problem that made me almost rage quit this entire post lmao--at around 8:45 pm virgo venus becomes libra venus. ugHHH this would change a shit ton. he seems like a day chart person though right??? i don't really know much about him idk!! i'm gonna move forward under the assumption that he has virgo venus and if it turns out he was born after 8:45 pm i'm gonna be pissed

cardinal squares and oppositions: rest??? but how could i provide for the family/for the good/for society if i rest??

right away there's a t-square-- jupiter opposite mars, mars square sun/mercury, sun/mercury square jupiter. t-squares are like... hey girl you ever repressed an emotion??? but also they are insanely productive. no one is gonna rest with a square.

cardinal oppositions and squares: activity, drive, FIX the PROBLEM right NOW, only god can stop me, allergic to asking for help capricorn mars: i am in control thus everything that goes wrong is my fault because i could have probably prevented it with willpower clearly i didn't eat enough spirulina or do enough planks cancer jupiter: ♫ we are the world  ♫ we are the children ♫ we are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving  ♫ mars opposite jupiter: i will INSPIRE the BELIEF into everyone!! there is no such thing as overcommitting!! i can take on infinite tasks!! so can you, believe in yourself!! capricorn opposition cancer: spare the rod spoil the inner child no wait we need to focus on nurturing, let's go work no let's go home, safety is through success no wait safety is through the family,

but never fear, squares are here! an opposition may fight forever, but a square comes to some kind of understanding or at least working relationship

capricorn square libra: ah let me rephrase, in a way that is pleasing to you and me, that actually the greatest goal is diplomacy... i mean we're going to do it my way but i will absolutely compromise because i am civil and refined... so... cancer square libra: wait i have no idea what is going on right now or what i'm feeling lol? um could someone... help me.... i'm totally fine giving up completely actually... idk... i really need family/friends to identify myself... ha ha... mars square sun: i know what i want and i will go after it! i must achieve or who am i??? i can never rest i always have to be Doing. my daddy/mommyfamily issues are not the point and have nothing to do with my need to succeed!! mars square mercury: uh what were we talking about haha? jupiter square sun: i will give u the shirt off my back i will give you my last protein bar i believe in growth and freedom and i am definitely as confident as i act like i am ha ha why would you think i wasn't??? jupiter square mercury: i have a great wide angle view of the world and humanity and stuff, also i overheard someone say something one time and completely misinterpreted the situation!! but it's okay i am focused on the future... the possibilities...

lol this is someone who has a really really rEALLY hard time resting. has he ever been injured?? if so, that must have fucking sucked for him. very Achievement Orientated but not in a selfish way, honestly much more focused on the group rather than the self--with the cardinal squares, he has no aries involved. it's all about the society (capricorn) the family (cancer) and the group/relationships (libra).

ahh it reminds me of someone who works 5x harder than other people and someone's like, omg leave some for the rest of us why are you working so hard it makes us look bad, and he's like "..." because it's not about putting himself above someone else! he's not succeeding at you, ok! he is doing so for you, be grateful, god.

mutable opposition: peter pan syndrom

gemini saturn opposes sagittarius pluto, this is generational but also a fun and cute opposition imo. i mean not pluto-saturn, that fully blows, but gemini-sagittarius!

gemini-sagittiarius: talkative, restless, Eternal Youth, down with the kids, subjective v objective, scattered v whole, fox v hedgehog

yay!!!!

however...

saturn-pluto: :(

saturn = anxiety fear and pluto = deep core terror, so together... mm. can be a fear of power, fear of power being put on him, fear of having power himself--heeseung may kind of dodge any leadership roles because he doesn't really trust himself.

saturn-pluto is usually very suspicious of people in authority anyway. can go back and forth between constructing and deconstructing, rules and no rules, i am a good little capitalist v burn all banks. you know what i mean!!

with this and heeseung's capricorn-libra square, he has a lot of stuff around authority and fairness.

let's talk air trines!

you can see an exact trine between heeseung's libra sun and his aquarius uranus--he's not too fussed about fitting in but he is very fussed about equality and equity and humanity and stuff. he has a talent for fairness. also he's lowkey weird with that uranus-mercury trine. idk if he shows this, but he is absolutely very strange.

with the trine from mercury to saturn, his work ethic is natural to him, and he has an ability to be responsible you don't always see with the amount of air energy lol.

also he's super wise and can leave shit in the past when he needs to. i would trust this guy with a lot of responsibilities actually! he has the ability to put his own ego aside and make the decision that's best for the collective even if it's worse for himself, SUPER rare.

damn... i may have to stan??

also uranus mercury and saturn are all retrograde (and neptune) so he's gonna have to unpack a lot of stuff in his life, he's on an Individuation Journey, lots of karmic untangling, go with god my past life baggage buddy

venus-moon conjunction: 🥺

on the left, 12:00 am. on the right, 11:59 pm. either way, we've got a venus-moon conjunction, it's just how close the conjunction goes.

dude i may really have to stan. this is such an adorable conjunction. is he a mama's boy? he might be.

he is so sensy and also is afraid of hurting other people's feelings. he feels rejected easily (maybe less than some people with this placement, bc of his other aspects) and assumes everyone feels rejected easily too, so he is very careful. people pleaser to the max. very sensitive to criticism, probably wants to fix everything immediately if he feels like he made a mistake even if was barely a mistake. girl same, mood.

it's a really good thing he has that capricorn mars and the cardinal opposition/squares because they keep him from being too delicate or yielding, gives him the willpower to move through hurt and things like that. moon-venus conjunction can be too accommodating but capricorn mars hates accommodating so it's a good balance.

hm he might have some gender things, like traditional beliefs around gender. idk if they are actually true to his personality though--it seems more like expectations he was raised with and in some ways they counter his actual personality, but he holds onto them anyway.

and whoever he gets with... you may have to deal with an overly involved mother-in-law.

venus-moon... square chiron: in conflict with his Wound, like it fuels his sensitivity but also there is maybe a feeling of... all is not how it seems, like he may not totally believe someone when they tell him they love him. bright side he is really really caring. (also his chiron is conjunct his south node... hm something is up with his childhood. his mom might be overcompensating for something she feels guilty about that happened to him when he was a kid? idk.) square lunar nodes: essential for his soul's growth--he's gonna have to deal with his own emotional safety needs and relationships in order to Grow. his south node in capricorn is very "workaholic" and his north node in cancer is very "learn to focus on ur own life and family", so that's clear. also at 0°, his lunar nodes are very potent. opposite pisces lilith: virgo v pisces is very martyr vibes, very rescuer or being rescued, he might have a tendency to want to save people that is actually about him wanting himself to be saved? very service-orientated though but he'll need to look that in the face to see what's underneath that need

fixed stars & asteroids & stuff

heeseung's sun is conjunct the fixed star spica. damn he's got some guardian angels. this is the star of protection and benefit. pure dose of helpful energy. you don't always get what you want but you get what u need.

saturn is conjunct the asteroid vesta, who is all about commitment. leadership vibes. he may shun the leadership role but it's after him anyway. when he says he's gonna do something he does it. trustworthy, needs to Believe in something to commit to it.

damn this is good boy disease. what the hell dude. do we have to be so virtuous??? god!!!

---

well!! i am still pausing my enhypen deep dive until i look at all of their charts so we will see, but what do u guys think his he more this one or that one?

actually this is extra hard edition because libra moons and moon conjunction venus are like. super similar lol. PEOPLE PLEASERS.

anyway. is he more overthinker or compulsive smoother-over? what's the vibe?

thank u for joining me on this journey. i've learned a lot and now my heart hurts but i too am air dominant so i don't wanna talk about it :)

[dullgecko]

I'm so here for the angst that inherently comes with time travel. But also, imagine the cute outfits they can wear! Also, if riz ever has to go undercover, or is in traditional goblin wear and is basically half naked, I'd imagine there's another "oh no he's hot" moments from the bad kids

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Once inside the town the bad kids head straight for the guild, trading in one of their MANY spare diamonds (Fabian has started to get a bit paranoid these days about his team members dying and them not having enough so they are all WELL stocked) for enough cash for room and board for the night.

Riz is still hidden in Fabians backpack and peering out through a tiny gap in the zipper while they're inside the guild but he cant see much since Gorgug has positioned himself in such a way that he can't see anything. He's done it on purpose because he knows Riz is already a little (a lot) on edge and he really doesn't need to see what the people two counters over are handing in for bounties. Its not likely that the goblins that group killed for those ears were part of Riz's family (Sklonda mentioned in the past that both her and Poks horde were strangely resistant to the demon kings thrall and went largely unnoticed due to the difficult-to-reach locations of their nests) but its still a pretty grisly sight that their rogue doesnt really need right now.

Two hundred gold is a lot of money and they enough for a room large enough for all of them for the night plus a substantial amount leftover for supplies. They keep getting odd comments about their outfits though so they all head to the markets to get more era-appropriate clothing once Riz is given a chance to stretch his legs in the privacy of their room before clambering back into the bag.

Fabain, Fig and Adaine all settle for some comfortable, high quality elven traveling clothes whereas Kristen and Gorgug opt for the more human styles they find in the markets. They're trying to dress to impress, especially since Agueforts biography says he's working for the council at this time and they need to get close enough to him to talk.

They manage to bluff their way into the council and manage to corner him to ask for his assistance. He's a lot more sane than their version of Aguefort since he hasn't experimented quite so much with chronomancy yet but he seems delighted to see them after they explain what has happened... and almost like he was expecting them... well actually more like it was totally his fault in the first place they're there. He's summoned them specifically.

You see, the council has a little bit of a problem at the moment. There's an item being guarded by the demon kings forces that they require for part of their plan to defeat him but no one has been able to get close to it. Mostly because once you're within a few hundred metres of it it dispells any disguises and cancels any spells currently active. Quite a problem when it's being guarded by goblins, and even if they could use true polymorph (not a good idea they'd be vulnerable to the demon kings thrawl) they'd still need a spell to convincingly speak the language since no one speaks Gukliak. Since these adventurers were the ones who were summoned surely they have a solution to the problem, right?

The entire party is side-eying each other and Riz just makes the most annoyed and resigned sound from inside Fabians backpack before unzipping it and poking his head out. Arthur is VERY surprised at the sudden appearance of a goblin but also curious because this goblin seems very polite (also look at his dapper little outfit). Riz explains that his dad was totally resistant to a demon kings thrall when he was working undercover and there's a really good chance he is too since it's genetic.

He gets Arthur to give him the details so they can get this shit done and go home already. The council already had part of what they needed ready to go and Riz is handed some 'traditional' goblin clothing so he can blend in better and he just looks so very unimpressed. He's explaining that they are very much not traditional goblin clothes they're rags. Traditional goblin clothing is actually quite nice, usually hand woven fabrics or soft leather that's decorated. The only reason why goblins are usually seen wearing rags is when you're being controlled or hunted you cant exactly do many labor-intensive tasks like making clothes so what you have is either tattered beyond belief or stolen off of bodies.

He gets changed into the rags anyway when they get close and it really isn't very much fabric at all. He doesn't look it when he's wearing his normal clothes but he's just as cut as Fabian from all the exercise they get adventuring, plus goblins are naturally lean anyway. There's only a little bit of staring from all parties involved as he puts his glasses and clothes away in his briefcase, leaves it with his party, and goes full rogue infiltration mode to go commit a little theft.

[ebisul]

Sterile Mandalore and my issues with the New Mandalore we see

I want to preface this by saying a lot of what’s wrong with Mandalore and the Mandalorians is fully Filoni’s fault (among a variety of other people involved) for being a bad storyteller. Also between brain fog, ADHD, and a severe anxiety disorder, I’m brute forcing my way to coherency.

This is in no way a defense of Death Watch or the history of imperialism. I won’t tolerate anyone comparing me to a terrorist organization for not liking the depiction of Mandalore under New Mandalorian rule or any particular Mandalorian Character, yes that has happened before.

As an overview, I will be going over the setting of Mandalore we see visually, a few of the characters and what those characters say about Mandalorian culture visually, as well as briefly touching on the Clones, and finally how each of these contribute to the Mandalore we see in The Clone Wars.

Now I wanted to write this because I actually deeply enjoy the Mandalorians as a culture, I think everything from the language to the armor to the Resol’nare, uncertain if thats canon, is absolutely fascinating. However, what we see in The Clone Wars has next to none of that outside of Death Watch, the terrorist organization.

The Setting of Mandalore

Mandalore the planet is primarily composed of harsh, seemingly uninhabitable deserts created from centuries upon centuries of war. What we do see of the civilization on Mandalore is primarily within the domed capital city of Sundari. Now there are a few things I wanna touch on here, primarily certain locations, such as the schools, the palace, and the overall visuals of the city, and the people, as a whole as well as individuals.

Beginning with the Schools,

We see schools on Mandalore at least twice in TCW, once during the poisonings when we see a cafeteria and once during our stint with Korkie where we see classrooms and dorms, and i have always hated the way they look. I will say that you could very well interpret the Royal Academy of Government to be a sort of military school, though given the New Mandalorians are all about peace and pacifism it would be an odd choice to send your nephew there.

Visually speaking, the schools are beyond dull. In the classroom we see Ahsoka teaching in, the entire room is gray, with nothing but the desks and a projector. Look at the kid in the front row! Thats how I feel looking at this room!! These are presumably either teenagers or young adults at a boarding school. Im not expecting much for a classroom but a dull dark gray, empty room is not conducive to learning.

I also want to note that they wear uniforms. Its totally normal for a boarding school to require uniforms, that makes sense, however, these uniforms have one singular interesting component and thats the iron heart. I can’t find an exact meaning behind the symbol outside of reddit so im hesitant to define it here, however what we do know is that the symbol is absolutely ancient. A significant part of Mandalorian history.

The rest of the uniform is similarly a dull cool gray, or perhaps a dull blue. And there doesn’t seem to be much individuality in the uniforms, that is outside of hair and whatever gambit-style headwear those kids are wearing at least, but even then they’re mostly all very similar hairstyles.

Im also electing to ignore that there are seemingly two separate sets of triplets here. I know it’s an animation shortcut. Still, they are still there and I can’t ignore them now.

Now, on to what I’m presuming is either a dorm or some sort of recreation or break room, I don’t remember much of the context and frankly you can’t tell from looks alone. I’m leaning toward a dorm because that was my first interpretation.

Regardless of what this room serves as, be it dorm or break room, its still void of character. If this were a dorm, we would have no indication of whose it could possibly be.

It looks like the light behind Korkie is a map of some sort, or something similar its unclear, but that and the neon lights above Soniee are the only sources of color. The red and blue can mean a lot of things but I genuinely don’t think there is a major purpose behind it. We already saw the two sets of triplets.

However, lighting is meant to mean something. In particular, red can mean many things, but given the visual context it reads as stress inducing, as danger. Particularly surrounding Korkie as it does.

Now blue lighting needed a quick google search, but my results for the meaning of blue lighting where a little unexpected. Blue is a typical calming color, similar to green, though can also be interpreted as depressing and cold like grays, and blue lighting can be representative of isolation and passivity. Ironically, this scene is anything but passive. Again, im not putting much weight into it but I feel its worth noting.

Ultimately, its entirely impersonal, slightly stress-inducing, and only marginally better than the classroom only because it had color. Now onto my most egregious example from the schools we see and my most despised, the cafeteria.

Do you see this shit? Where do i even start? My best guess is that these are approximately middle schoolers. If i went to this school I would willingly drink the poison. Their lunch looks like three tomatoes, three mystery cubes, and debatably either a cracker or a slice of cheese. Horrendous lunch. How is this acceptable to feed to children for a whole meal? Enough complaining about their lunches, though.

The cafeteria itself is offputting to say the least. Pure white. The children, pale and blonde, all wearing the exact same gray uniforms with only variation for the girls, because girl = skirts. It’s the picture of uniformity. Its horrific. The only color outside of the pitiful lunch is the monstrous poison drink nearly all children have. Probably bc theyre lunches are terrible.

This scene has two interpretations in my mind. The first is that its meant to be creepy as all hell, which is unlikely because we’re supposed to support New Mandalore. The second interpretation is that it was meant to look like the epitome of peace and serenity and utterly fails because it takes more than an overuse of the color white to represent innocence, purity, and peace.

How do you manage to make an entire school look like a cloning facility? In fact, I’m certain the cloning facility has more diversity than all of mandalore.

Now the issue with all of these areas of the schools on Mandalore is that they look like no place to teach a child. There are certain things that are conducive to learning and color is one of them! So is fostering individuality! There are specific things that make an environment suitable for learning and these schools have very few of them.

Now onto the Palace,

This will be a shorter segment than the previous. Although I will be lightly critical of Satine here. So to begin, we primarily see the throne room. In fact, im not even sure we see much else in the Palace of Sundari. We do see Satine’s rooms or office but I can’t find a picture of it so i won’t use the example.

Both of these images share a few things in common. First is the dramatic lighting, the otherwise empty throne room save for the chairs that seem to have been brought in, and the only color present outside of gray is Satine and/or her throne. Even Padme, notable fashion icon, is or appears to be wearing gray in these scenes.

The dramatic lighting in the first image is an obvious “Hey! These are the good guys!” and I can’t piece out a relevent meaning behind the second image so Im choosing to move forward because I think it is just that, lighting.

Now the throne room being utterly void will be clearer in the next image I attach. The issue with it being so empty is that it feels almost lifeless, cold. It doesn’t feel like a throne room visually speaking. This ties into the last thing these images have in common. Satine and her throne.

Within the gray permeating what seems to be most of Mandalore at this rate, Satine is the only source of actual color. Her clothes are these vibrant, beautiful blues and greens and purples. Her throne is a glowing beacon above everyone.

What does that say, when every one of her people is dressed in grays, beiges, and pale blues? Or when they all dress the same?

This is a better view of just how empty the throne room is. Theres more of the iron heart design, though still no real idea of the meaning further than it is significant, as well as the portrait of Satine. The only things in this image with color other than gray or biege are indications of Satine. But the throne room itself is almost entirely barren.

Whether or not you think this is any indication of her character one way or another thats up to you. My read on what this shows of her is that she is blinded by her own ideals, she doesnt truly see her people as they are, be that through ignorance or arrogance, and that allows the corruption to seep.

I wanted to show the hospital because I think thats a Good environment design for mandalore but i lost the picture. It is ironic that my example of good design is the one thats meant to be clinical.

Therefore, I’m moving on to the city at large

The city itself is incredibly industrial. I’m torn because I know it has to be like that to a degree but it also doesnt have to be like that. That’s a choice the designers made. The city of Sundari exists within a dome due to the uninhabitable deserts from years of war, that doesnt mean it must look so cold.

It just feels so lifeless. Colorless even. Ive noticed by now, and you probably have too, that my main issue seems to be coloring. Well, I wouldn’t say its my main issue but it’s definitely up there.

We’re supposed to think that Satine’s New Mandalore is Good. That it’s this vision of peace and prosperity. But where do we see that visually? Through industrialization? Thats not good!

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that Satine’s peace is a clear facade for all of the shady bullshit going on behind her back, but we should be able to see that in the enviroment.

We should be able to see the idyllic peacefulness and people’s enjoyment of their city. We should see that face and the shady underside. We shouldn’t just see drab gray with a splash of corruption. It just makes Satine look like a bad ruler.

Characters and What They’re Telling Us

I’m actually not starting this with a particular character. I’m going to begin with the Mandalorian people as a whole.

What a surprise! Theyre all blond white people! See I have a huge issue with the lack of diversity among humans on Mandalore for a few reasons. The first reason is the obvious, it’s fucking WEIRD. The second reason is that we know there are people of color who are mandalorian.

And on the one hand this really demonstrates my point. Everyone looks the same, everything is dull and empty. This isn’t prosperity.

The first example they look like theyre dressed in uniform. Every single one of them is wearing the exact same color. Thats not normal. In the second image, while they aren’t dressed uniformly, they are all dressed in grays and beiges. These people are Satine’s governing council. They’re supposed to high standing officials.

And that brings us back to The Duchess herself

I’m choosing to use her main outfit design for this. There will be no more images from here onwards because there is no space but I’m trusting you all to know what these characters look like.

Satine’s Dress can only truly be described as opulent. She dresses in shades of blue, purple, and green and elaborate headwear and accessories. Her hair is styled in a way characteristic of Kalevala, similarly to Korkie’s friend Lagos but more extravagant. The colors she wears are chosen to appear soothing and to honor the history of Mandalore’s forests and lakes.

But this isn’t something you might pick up on naturally. Remember this is a show for children. You would have to do the research to learn that. Without that information you could interpret her appearance any number of ways.

Between her headress and the color scheme, I would have confidently said she was peacock-like, had I not known the nuances. Character design needs to be something people can infer from. Something that lines up with the environment to tell a story.

That being said what her design is meant to tell us is that she greatly values the less violent aspects of Mandalore’s past. That she is trying to preserve and honor their history and Mandalore’s beauty.

The issue is that (from memory at least) the honoring forests and lakes never really is relevant? We see Peace Park but we’re never shown much about any restoration or preservation efforts of the planet itself. Did they just give up because its a “wasteland”? Were there no other alternatives? We were never given enough context, explicitly or implicitly.

And without the knowledge of what her design is supposed to mean, what is stopping anyone from misinterpreting it. What is stopping anyone from thinking she is just this haughty, holier than thou politician? Especially when you put her next to civilians or even her own council when she is already sat above them on her throne?

Satine’s design is essentially meant to show us her value to peace and progression but we arent really shown much progressing. We’re meant to just believe what we’re told rather than showing us the progress in, yknow, progress.

Now, Bo Katan

I chose specifically to include the sisters in this because I wanted to compare them, also bc obviously they are the most relevant. Bo’s design also demonstrates her values, admittedly way clearer than Satine’s.

She’s a traditionalist, someone who values the warrior ways, and yes also a terrorist. Thats not super relevant. Because she’s a traditionalist, it makes sense that her character design is rather simple in comparison to her sister, but they both honor the history of Mandalore all the same.

Mandalorian armor is equally as historical and significant as the iron heart itself, even so far as to have the two intrinsically intertwined, having the Iron Heart as part of the armor. I think most Mandalorian fans know this already.

Now, I want to take the armor paint color meanings with a grain of salt. Im not certain how canon any of it actually is even if the meanings do seem to hold up withon canon. However, the thing about the armor paint is that it sets the mandalorians apart as individuals while simultaneously tying them together as Mandalorians.

Bo’s armor is painted primarily blue and gray with white detailing and owl imagery to signify her Nite-Owls. Now in the EU the colors have meaning. Blue and gray mean reliabilty and mourning respectively. I think it would be in the Mandalorian culture’s best interests to keep this canon and even expand upon this.

This is because these unique paint schemes allow for individuality, community, and notable artistic expression. I mean, just look at Sabine. This contrasts with the uniformity of New Mandalore which just makes New Mandalore look really bad. Like really, really bad.

Next I want to look at Almec

So, Almec has two designs I want to look at. First is his usual outfit as Satine’s right hand and the second is his own armor.

Pre-betrayal, Almec wears an almost solidly white outfit, with gray, beige, and a dash of gold detailing. This design actually has two iron heart designs, one in his clothes and one in his hair. Outside of the iron heart, the design is very plain. The overuse of white is likely meant to give an illusion of purity and peace again. It doesn’t really work when he looks so clinical, though.

In his armor, Almec’s design is a stark contrast to the previous. He wears a light green, maybe gray, flight suit with black and gold armor. The reason I wanted to include this design for a number of reasons but specifically, the shoulder cord.

The gold shoulder cord gives Almec a more militaristic appearance, even in comparison to other armored mandalorians. This is actually a design detail I really enjoy because the gold shoulder cord essentially means “service to another” in the US military.

The colors black and gold in mandalorian armor represent justice and vengeance. Again, take that with a grain of salt, but I think more importantly this change actually makes Almec a more recognizable character. The armor is more personal than his prior outfit working under Satine as a New Mandalorian. It tells us more about who he is as a person.

On to Jango

Yes he is Mandalorian. I will not debate this I dont give a shit what George Lucas intended with him. I don’t even care what was said in TCW. Jango was canonically a mandalorian foundling. And yes I know they never show up really in relation to Mandalore, but Its important I mention them, I think.

So, we know in TCW, Jango isn’t considered a mandalorian by the New Mandalorians. They insist that he must have stolen the armor, that there’s no conceivable way he could be mandalorian. Except that we now have canonical confirmation that he was in fact a foundling.

See, here’s the issue with this, because in retrospect they’re basically denying a dead man his own identity and creed.

Jangos armor isnt really what I wanted to talk about in relation to Jango himself. Mostly I wanted to talk about what his character means for the New Mandalorians. Jango amd Boba are quite literally The Blueprint for Mandalorians. Except now we get more Mandalorians and they fully deny Jango his Mando-ness.

What, because he doesn’t align with their ideology? Jango wasn’t a great person by any means but being Mandalorian isn’t just a nationality. It’s something you’re taught.

Again this isn’t about the armor, it’s about the fact that he’s played by a Maori man. The first Mandalorian face we see is a brown man and that gives a real bad impression when you have a planet of White People claiming he isn’t even Mandalorian, why? Because he’s adopted? Because he was a bounty hunter?

The Clones

This section isn’t totally relevant so feel free to skip to the next, but i can only go so long without talking about them.

The clones themselves don’t have a strong tie to Mandalore, narratively speaking. However, they do have ties built into their appearances. More than just being clones of Jango.

They don’t speak Mando’a in canon and we aren’t totally sure who exactly trained them before Jango died, but we do have little hints from their character designs that indicate some connection to Mandalore or the Mandalorian culture.

Rex specifically is one of the few with jaig eyes. Jaig eyes are a Mandalorian honor symbol. And he’s not the only clone with this symbol, Blackout also has Jaig eyes on his helmet. Which leads me to believe this symbol is fairly common for troopers since its not terribly common we see clones sharing symbols without a personal connection to eachother.

Further than just that, clone trooper armor, phase 1 at least and presumably onward, is also based on Mandalorian armor. This is primarily because of the armor jango wears, naturally his clones would be fitted with similar. But the clones have also picked up the armor painting. Could this simply be a coincidence? Sure if you wanna believe that. I don’t think I do though because its so significant to both cultures as a means of individuality.

What does all of this say about Mandalore?

And I mean that as what is this telling us visually. What conclusions can you draw from this with just images. Because it doesn’t look great for New Mandalore. And maybe that was the intent. I know my first impression of Satine was just how unprofessional she was acting.

Except we’re supposed to see New Mandalore as the good guys, essentially, right? Riddled with corruption but still Good. That doesn’t translate when the setting is dystopian-esque at best. Its cold and empty and clinical.

When you see an entire planet of people who all look almost exactly the same, wearing the same clothes, the same hair, the same face, the same color skin, it gets unsettling. Its a weird design choice because it’s an American cartoon and America is characteristically individualistic.

The Bad Guy, the literal terrorist organization, caters more towards that visual individuality than the peaceful, progressive Good Guys. It visually reads as a Safety vs Freedom story but thats not the story that they need to be telling. You can’t go telling people freedom is evil.

It makes it incredibly easy to misconstrue what New Mandalore is trying to do because the visuals aren’t supporting them. There’s a reason so many people genuinely think Satine has comitted some sort of cultural genocide against her people because we aren’t seeing any of the culture and when we do see it, its not supported by the narrative. They may have Mandalorian writing but they never speak Mando’a on screen outside of Death Watch. We dont really know what the iron heart means and its everywhere. They may talk about prosperity and progress but they aren’t showing us that.

What I Would Do To Improve

This is the last segment, I promise.

I want to start with what could improve the background. Because a lot of the issue stem from it being dull and lifeless, I think giving it some sort of life would really fix a lot of the issues. Namely, I would say to put more trees, real, lush trees not the tiny ones you’d find in a city. It would help give context to Satine’s homage to the forests of mandalore if we had a visual clue from Mandalore itself. This would also bring in some more color and take away from the industrial appearance. This is more of a personal thing because I grew up around farms, but I think we should have seen a farm or some sort of clue as to how Mandalore is feeding itself. How is it sustaining itself, if not for import?

Another thing I would change would be the overall coloring. Generally, I would push for more color but I’m mostly referring to the color of the buildings. I would replace the cold gray and blues with more of a bronze and maybe a warm orange or even just changed the undertone of the blue could add so much. I would also give the lighting more warmth. Overall I would just add more warmth.

Adding onto this, I would also bring in more color by adding more public art. More murals and statues and the like. We know they have murals and paintings in the Palace at least. We should see them in the city, too. Having more art around the city would also connect it to the same cultural roots that have the mandalorians painting their armor.

In the schools, the main issue is that there’s no color. That these spaces dont have anything that would bring a sense of comfort to a kid. The stark white of the cafeteria is more stress inducing than calming and it would be good to replace some of that with a splash of color to break it up, as well as with some background decorations. Slap a poster on them there walls.

The classroom we see could also use just more decoration, make it look like a classroom. Have posters of diagrams and models. The room is dark so I won’t say much of the coloring except just make it look less cold. The back of the room has a wide, empty space and I think if that space were filled with something it would change a lot of the energy it gives off.

As for the dorm, if that is a dorm, give is an idea of whose room it is. Make it look like someone lives there. If it’s not a dorm, why are these kids sitting in a dark room? The room itself shouldn’t exude this uncomfortable feeling, that should be the undertone.

Overall, I think the Palace is generally fine if only it werent so empty, and again, if there were more color. The detailing and the lighting both look nice but it just needs to feel more like a throne room.

As for the people of Mandalore, for fuck’s sake, diversity is not going to kill you. Again its insane that all of the mandalorians of color we see are either A.) terrorists B.) deemed not mandalorian or C.) future cultists. We should see more black, brown, and Asian mandalorians. Hell, we should see alien mandalorians too.

Furthermore, they should have more variety in their clothes. What society wears all of three colors when they definitely have access to others? On top of that we should see Mandalorians who still wear pieces of armor. Armor is defensive, it’s not inherently violent to protect yourself and it honors the history of Mandalore while still moving forward with progress.

This is of course just my personal vision. These visuals can be interpreted in a number of ways, if you want to think the designs are good and exhibit peacefulness more power to you, I simply can’t see it. I tried my best to keep it to the Clone Wars series with a strict focus on the appearance, though that was a difficult challenge for me.

Anyways, I hope this was somewhat coherent and enjoyable. I’ve likely missed some details but this took me multiple days to organize my thoughts properly so im not pressed about it. Let me know your thoughts! Just be kind and don’t call me a terrorist :)

[sonic-4-episode-ii]

gonna mention some of our sonics most important/active alters rq

sonic's polyfragmented & has well over a hundred alters so we're just mentioning the ones we have names / ideas for.

also scourge is in here. Is scourge also a guy seperate from sonic? we may never know... (the answer is literally just yes)

Pilot (he/him, neos?)

what they do: fuck all ; took away all of sonic's knowledge and muscle memory abt the tornado so he could fly it.

front tells: has a special salute he offers to everyone - two fingers on his temple, then finger-guns

relationship w/ others: when sonic realized hes the reason it suddenly started sucking at piloting the tornado, it fought him for DAYS. the two are on good terms now but sonic's still salty about the whole thing

description: dark brown fox. fur's only a little lighter than sonic's original quill/fur color

Survival (none)

what they do: keeps the body calm & focused when thrown into a survival/panic state ; fragment

front tells: acts prettymuch just like a hedgehog. snuffl snuffl

relationship w/ others: n/a

description: classic sonic but hes covered in mud

Protection (none)

what they do: split specifically to keep tails safe if sonic shut down during a battle, now helps everyone - including sonic ; fragment

front tells: completely nonverbal ; one-track mind worse than sonic's

relationship w/ others: n/a

description: classic sonic but hes covered in wounds :[

Scourge (it/he)

what they do: one-up sonic at every opportunity. obviously

front tells: usually him screaming "SCOURGE IS BACK, BABY!!!"

relationship w/ others: everyone either hates or loves him ; outside the body, amy thinks he sucks but is glad he's less sexist now, tails used to think he's scary but now just thinks he's kinda lame, and knux... has opinions.

description: YOU KNOW IT BABY!!!!

Cog (they/it)

what they do: exist. tries to keep the body away from drugs

front tells: higher-pitched voice, talks more like AoSTH / classic sonic; uses contact lenses that look like metal sonic's eyes

relationship w/ others: a lot of people jokingly hate em but most r kinda worried for em ; outside, theyre best friends with basically all badniks (though they have a somewhat rocky friendship with omega) and consider them to be its siblings

description: thinner sonic, wilting quills and its bones are painted chrome.

Mary-Ann (they/them)

what they do: split to give tails familial affection when sonic got burnt out, & later got the Secondary Task of avoiding like. CPS and stuff. ; now that they dont have to do that they get to just chill

front tells: softer tone of voice, body language is completely different and a lot slower

relationship w/ others: sonic feels bad abt pushing so much onto her even though it wasnt his fault or choice. theyre chill tho ; outside, they have a kinda-friendship with shadow since theyre the one who introduced him to the fact sonic's a system. tails loves them, and even outside of their purpose they care abt him too

description: porcupine mobian. looks a little more like an irl animal

Fleet (he/it/xe)

what they do: anger/rage/fear holder, used to be a fragment ; fronts whenever sonic goes super out of stress, or if he gets too upset when using the chaos emeralds to go super

front tells: extremely obvious. totally different way of speaking, maine/british accent (maine accent it picked up somewhere, british accent is the body's default); when fronting while super bc of the chaos emeralds, they morph him into what he looks like in headspace, but if he's just fronting due to stress all that changes is his quills are Wayyyyy messier. hard to miss him!

relationship w/ others: sonic tried to force him into permanent dormancy for years, which didnt work and caused him to take over the body for a few weeks ; he probably did meet ebony and pyjamas, both of whom unfortunately misunderstood his entire Him and hurt him a lot, but they managed to make up after xe worked thinks out with sonic and theyre rlly close friends now :]

description: it is fleetway :]

Prime (he/it)

what they do: secondary host

front tells: way, WAY more physically and verbally affectionate towards his friends; more open (obvious) about his emotions, doesnt bother hiding them as much (especially when he thinks it might be funny); a little more over the top with everything, especially his mannerisms - many of which he picked up directly from eggman

relationship with others: GREAT friends with pilot, who sorta acts like his tails when his tails isnt. yk. available (busy boy!!!). NOT FRIENDS WITH SONIC they do NOT get along :[ ; loves tails, LOVES amy, LOVES!!! KNUCKLES!!! LOVES SHADOW!!!! he loves ALL of his friends and he's gonna make it THEIR PROBLEM!!!<333

description: prime sonic! so just sort of different-looking regular sonic. he calls himself prime bc hes convinced hes the first sonic, and is totally smug abt maybe having a single memory earlier than sonic the other one.

Sonic (he/it)

what they do: primary host

front tells: it's sonic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ; rlly easy to tell when hes fronting again after a while bc he immediately picks up from the last convo you had w him (if he remembers) or challenges you to a race (if he doesnt)

relationships w/ others: VERY rocky. didnt accept he was a system for a while - he knew he was one since before the concept was given the name it has now but he was iffy on the whole "other people in his brain" thing and dealt with it HORRIBLY. this is a horrible combination of STC and IDW sonic so you know he was just being a huge inconsiderate jerk to everyone for YEARS. his reaction to the chaos emeralds giving a bunch of his alters their own bodies was fear and disgust instead of joy or even vague curiosity; even though he's repairing his relationships with everyone and going to therapy and getting support from his friends and allat, he still doesnt really like just... not having access to his body all the time. he doesnt like not being at front, it feels Bad, esp. when he misses big important dates. sorry man you got hit with the reverse curse idk what to tell you

description: ITS SONIC!!!

YUP THATS LITERALLY ALL I HAVE FOR NOW!!!

maybe ill make some more stuff with these guys and more specific alters but ive had this sitting in my drafts for like a month now so . it needs to be posted 👍

[weirdozjunkary]

I don’t normally like to vent about myself or my life. But everything just feels like it’s spiralling for me and I just don’t know what to do. This is probably as personal as I’ll ever get on here haha.

I might eventually delete this. But I don’t know..

CW: personal life, SH and Sui talk

Right now my country Canada is entering late stage capitalism, as well as the US. It sucks, yes. But I figured that by the time I’m out on my own and I’m able to fend for myself, that most of this would blow over and I will be fine. But now it’s getting hard to think about stuff like that.

I believe I have undiagnosed autism and currently undiagnosed ADHD (was diagnosed as a child), which makes a lot of things hard for me. I’ve been wanting to get a diagnosis to help myself for the future. But I’ve been constantly told not to, as doing so would make people think less of me. And I hate that people have that mindset, even if it is true.

Something that is worse is that I can’t pay for anything. I can’t pay off my loans because it’s too high. I don’t even have a job to pay them off, I can’t even get a job because of my autism and because the job market is fucked. I’m moving to a whole other country really soon that I know nothing about so there’s no point in me even doing my schooling here anymore, the only reason I’m still going is because my dad wants me to. And if I don’t pay off my loans, my credit will be put in the “risk” category, credit mind you that I don’t have because I don’t have a credit card.

I cant even speak the language to the place I’m moving too, so I don’t know if I would even be able to get a job there other than just a cleaning person. And even if I come back here to Canada if I do my schooling there, I don’t know if I would be able to get a house because the housing market is absolutely terrible here.

If I stay here in Canada I have basically no one to fall back on if things turn to the absolute worse for me, and it really feels like life wants that to happen to me. I wasn’t really told much about life stuff as a kid, so now it’s biting me in the ass and I’m paying for it. I know I’m still stable at the moment, I have a house and food and water. But every day I hear more and more worse things.

I used to live out of spite, but now that spite is starting to fade on me. I can’t lie and say that I have thought the worst about myself, what I want to do to myself. I’m terrified of death, but sometimes it seems like the more favourable option. People always say to stay in the present, that’s what matters. It’s hard to stay in the present when the future keeps looking bleaker and bleaker.

I try to stay positive, that I will be okay in the end. I want to believe that I’ll be okay. But it’s getting harder and harder to see that

Everything feels like its burning around me and I don’t know what to do. It feels like it’s all my fault. That I’m just gonna die homeless and alone.

I’m sorry that this is so much more negative compared to what I normally post. Everything just feels so terrible and I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I’m a young adult and yet I’m so worried about everything that it would all crash around me. Every time I feel even remotely stable, it feels as though life just kicks the rug under my feet and fucks everything up for me.

I want to feel okay again. But I don’t know if I ever will be.