#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck

[fardf150]

fuck

[bueckers-sturniolo]

i have literally been begging for someone to write a paige fic based on “Slut!” by TS like the parts that’s like “if i’m all dressed up, they might as well be looking at us” where reader is famous and gets like hated on for being a “slut” 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

“slut!”

paige bueckers x female!reader

a/n: hi guys!!! sorry it took me so long to edit this and actually post it. i don’t have much to say but THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE ON THE ALCHEMY!!! i promise part 2 is coming soon!!! ps: this may suck a little but i wrote it in an hour and a half so im sorry!!! also, this hasnt been proofread bc its 6 am and i havent slept! hope u somewhat enjoy!!! love uuuu!

warnings: naur, just swearing :)

word count: somewhere around 1k-ish

-

got love-struck, went straight to my head. got lovesick all over my bed. love to think you’ll never forget. we’ll pray the price, i guess.

you had been dating paige for 5 months, now. she was the best person you had ever met, and an even better lover than you could have ever imagined. but, being in the public eye isn’t necessarily ideal, especially when you���re queer. paige was a basketball player at uconn, and you had been famous for a few years. you had been famous before you knew paige, and even before paige was famous. it’s awesome, and you love it. the lifestyle can be very rewarding and enjoyable.

but, being ‘famous’ comes with its faults. as most things do. over the years, you had developed this sort of…. title. this title being that you are some kind of insane serial-dater. it was pretty ridiculous. of course, paige loved you for you, and didn’t really give a fuck as to what people had to say about you. but, it’s still obviously hurtful, and paige gets that.

present day, the epsy’s were coming up. this is something that meant a lot to your girlfriend. and, quite frankly, you’d do anything to make her happy.

until that thing was going as her date (or +1) to the epsy’s. not that you didn’t want to, not that it was because you were gay. but, because you knew how much this could mess with both of your careers. you didn’t really care about your own, cause people are gonna talk about you regardless, but paige’s social presence made it hard to just come out and do whatever you guys want.

“i mean, i’d just really want you there. we can like…. coincide outfits ‘n shit.” paige says, looking over at you, eating a bite of her cereal.

“yeah, p. i understand.” you say, sighing. you look down at your hands, acting like you were paying attention to anything to distract her (and yourself) from the fact that you really just do not know how it would go, and that fact is stressful in itself.

“baby, if you don’t want to go, it’s fine. im just saying it would be cool.” she says, and you meet her eyes again.

you know she’s right. it would be really fuckin’ cool. but like, at the same time, you really didn’t want to have to receive all of the texts from your publisher of news articles with pictures of you and paige where they essentially just put your name in bold letters then talk about how much of a slut you are for dating 4 people in your approximate 5 years of being famous.

yes, it may seem like a lot. but, also, most of these relationships only lasted a few months. you never necessarily wanted them to go public, but, they almost always did. that’s why you and paige took extra precautions.

obviously, one day, you wanted to tell people about you and paige. but, you wanted it to be when you guys had atleast made it past the new relationship stage.

but, if im all dressed up, they might as well be lookin’ at us. and if they call me a ‘slut,’ you know, it might be worth it for once. and if im gonna be drunk, i might as well be drunk in love.

you couldn’t help but give in. there was exactly a week before the epsy’s, and even though you’d kept telling paige you really didn’t think going was a good idea, you felt so bad for saying it that you randomly changed your mind.

“p, come here.” you say, calling from the couch in your living room. she walked in the room, hands on her hips, sleeves rolled up. she was loading the dishwasher for you, as the ‘gentleman’ she was (in a world of boys, (s)he’s a gentleman.)

“yes, baby? what’s wrong?” she says, walking toward you and sitting down, resting an arm on the back of the couch behind your head. “i wanna go with you, p. ill go with you to the awards.” as you say this, you fiddle with the hem of her basketball shorts.

“you wanna go with me? seriously?” she perks up. her whole face immediately lights up. this was the reason you were doing it. that reaction right there.“yes, love. i want to go with you.” she grabs your chin, pulling your face closer to her and gently pressing a kiss to your temple.

“you know, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. i know you don’t want to read about all of the stupid shit men online say about you. they don’t even know you and it’s so infuriating that they think they can talk about my baby like that. my sweet, sweet girl...” she rubs your side, kissing your temple gently a few more times while babbling a few more sweet names in your ear.

“i know, p. but, i also know i don’t owe anyone shit, and if i want to go out in public with you, i shouldnt be scared. i mean- it’s just…. like, i don’t want to keep hiding us because of the fact that people always have some stupid shit to say. you know, if they call me a whore or if they call me a slut, it might be worth it. it may just be worth it this once.” she smiles ear to ear as you say this. seconds after this, she tackles you onto the couch, pecking all over your face as she tickles your sides.

half asleep, takin’ your time in the tangerine neon lights. this is luxury. you’re not saying you’re in love with me, but, you’re goin’ to. half awake, takin’ your chance, it’s a big mistake. i said, ‘it might blow up in your pretty face.’ im not sayin’ do it anyway, but you’re going to.

the night finally arrives. you guys are both getting your hair done. paige is wearing a lilac suit, and she looks ridiculously attractive. you were wearing a white dress with lilac heels, to coincide with her.

you guys get to the carpet, and it feels so surreal. you guys are finally out together and it’s just fucking insane. she does a few interviews, and they even ask you for your own pictures (even though you’re not an athlete)

the awards themselves are good, paige presents and even changes suits. she looks fuckin’ phenomenal.

but, then the after-party comes. the lights are tangerine and kinda dim, everyone’s drunk, and some people are even outside in a swimming pool. (???)

you had been to award shows yourself, but this was so cool. paige grabs you guys drinks throughout the night, careful not to get too wasted, but enough to get a little tipsy. by the end of the afterparty, so many pictures of you guys had been taken you felt like it was kinda too hard to hide your relationship from the world anymore.

while this wasn’t the main goal of tonight whatsoever, paige decided it was time to make your relationship social media official. she thought you deserved to be loved out loud, and honestly she couldn’t give any less of a fuck who said what. you loved her. she loved you. that’s all that mattered.

@paigebueckers

liked by kamoreaarnold and others

paigebueckers: Cats out of the bag I guess 🐈👜

view all 2,405 comments

kamoreaarnold: Photo creds on slide 3

> paigebueckers: @kamoraarnold Best photographer 🙌

yourusername: wow she’s cute who is that

> paigebueckers: @/yourusername Idiot

>> yourusername: @/paigebueckers 😁

Load more…

[ankhisms]

ok ep 49 live reactions and final overall series thoughts

good lord theyre going to just blast the entire world with a beam i guess. no wait the tv tower my god

i do love the zect trio team with kagami misaki and tadokoro it was a nice moment when they asked kagami if he was going to move straight forward and kagami said yes and then they defied their orders to arrest kagami and are with him now like YESSSSS

NOOOOO THEY HAVE TENDOU TWO AND THEYRE GONNA USE HIM FOR THEIR PLAN. HASNT HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH HAVENT YOU TORTURED HIM ENOUGH

hiyori getting her little apron waaaa

is kagami really dead. did kagami really just die. ok thank fuck hang in there kagami

STOPPED THE END OF THE WORLD WITH A SINGLE FLOWER THAT SYMBOLIZES HIS SISTER. GO TENDOU GO

OHHHHH THEY DONT ATTACK TENDOU WHEN THEYRE TOLD TOAND THEY TURN BACK INTO HUMANS

TENDOU TWOOOOOOOO

very good moment when all the zectors came to tendou

kagami and tendou doint the finishing blow together was also good ❤️❤️

im so sad about tendou two like. what a miserable life. im so sad

letting the zectors go ....

GO AWAY DAISUKE OUT WITH YOU BEGONE FROM THE CAFE FINAL REUNUON FOUL MAN

hiyori biking through the ginkgos im just so happy shes safe and living her life to the fullest AND JYUKA CALLS HER ONEECHAN THAT MADE ME SOB

god damn it kagami becoming a cop. absolute betrayal

OH HIS DAD IS ALIVE I GUESS?

AND TENDOU JUST FUCKS OFF TO FRANCE FOREVER ALRIGHT

alright final thoughts:

im very bad at ranking what my top 5 or top 10 kamen rider/toku in general shows are because almost all the shows ive seen have things i think are good and fun and i love them and enjoy them in different ways yknow! i dont think kabuto would be in my top 5 if i ever made a list, but i did really honestly enjoy kabuto. it took me a long time to watch it i think i mightve started watching it in 2021? maybe towards the end of the year im not sure but i know its been one ive been watching for a long time and i am very fond of the characters and i know ill continue to be fond of them in the future for sure, i had a fun time watching the show and seeing what bizarre nonsense happened to the cast

im not about to act like i understood kabuto overall and i know thats a common thing to say about the show which makes sense after watching it like lmao yeah i see why people might not like this or say it makes no sense because a lot of it didnt make sense to me either but the thing is throughout the show and especially towards the end i could like see the outline and vague shape of themes but i felt muddled in being able to fully understand those themes and feel like i didnt really in the end 100% get what those themes might have been trying to say beyond messages about humanity having the capacity for good and changing for the better and of course messages about family and love with tendou being so devoted to both kagami and his sisters. there for sure is a part of the show near the end where it feels like everything just kind of goes off the rails and things are just happening rather than any semblance of plot, but i did like the last episodes and the last battle was especially good, the one year later ending was a little confusing but overall i felt like the ending fit the show well enough. kamen rider kabuto is a show that i have watched and tendou is unkillable and although he is insufferable i do love him

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[kosmicdream]

hey!!! i just read to the most recent update of ffak (my favorite webcomic ive ever read tbh) and i kinda wanna try making my own. did you have the whole story planned out before you started or is it an ongoing thing? also how did you make the website for it? thank you for making such a cool comic!

Thank you so much!! And let me try to figure out a way to answer this properly. My process is a bit complicated to explain because it is very organic. Its almost like I am never done writing it, because I am always letting it grow/stretch and explore as I think about ffak every day, and every night before sleeping I’ll try to brainstorm things I havent thought of. So spending that much mental energy on something, you never really get ‘done’ with writing a story. Even when i eventually finish ffak, im sure i will be still working on it (or things I would have wanted to do.)

However!! Before i started working on ffak, when it was just called HELP! i established many things narratively that I stuck to and have not changed about the story. So I think the process of this comic, in a simple way, could have been broken down like this in.. stages?

1) I laid down the basic framework of the world, such as the functions of king worms specifically, the aiguille family, helpers, several characters (some havent even appeared in the comic yet!), king leadman, as well as antony/rome’s narrative arc/dynamic. that way their character arc was already figured out before the comic started and I knew it would be the central ‘root’ of the story. I knew how i wanted Rome to be introduced, and how he would meet canary, not knowing the connection between canary and his brother. I had a rough idea, even from here, how their character arc would come to a point (and basically what sorts of things the story would likely eventually close on) I also knew the general setting was on moons and how the humans got there, and how advanced society was, and what the red lights “really" were and what they meant..i figured out what ‘vein’ was here.. ect.. many worldbuilding things!!!It might sound intimidating, but this process happened very quickly. I basically figured this out in the.. day? before i started working. I have had a lot of experience with roleplaying so i think that helps with me making quick decisions. I knew i had enough to work with that I didn’t feel intimidated to start actually drawing it out-- especially because i had the rome/antony thing already set down. 2) Then when I actually started to work, things started to develop very quickly. I knew basically all i needed to for Hekatons before i got to introduce knife (their origins, history, involvement in present day politics) and before ch6 i also wrote all of the “supporting cast” (at the time) which included dylan, fork/spoon/knife, paper/scissor/rock. So i ws able to write Thumb and Heel, and set up the overall dynamic of what the world was like in the present day. (also Spoon/Scissor’s connection.) Cash was actually written in the first batch of characters oops, but her design really became more detailed during this stage because of scissor. 3) then things got more complicated as i dug deeper into the past, and wanted to include crimson. So!! I fleshed out the origin and true history of this world. basically as soon as crimson appeared I had everything in place and felt comfortable enough to include crimson, who borrowed many things narratively from a character i roleplayed for years. Anyway, i figured out all of the deep past of the world and decided to draw it out since it was so interesting in ch 9/10. I think this was around in the 2nd chapter when i figured this out, but my memory is fuzzy. I know by the time i did the flash forward scene in ch2 i had decided many things and so all i had to do was get to them in the comic to cement it in. 4) I forget when exactly (maybe around in chapter 5 or 6) , but i decided to bring in a very old story i wrote in 2009 for good leadman’s origin story-- as i thought it would be cool to make good leadman the protagonist for this old comic i wanted to do, and that helped make the background for heel and thumb more “believable” to me because they were already symbolizing this old story i had written the entire thing of. Oh that’s something else to mention, because that world was part of a collection of stories- i was able to develop DMTIA that way because i already had this cast and just decided to merge the stories into the FFAK setting. I think when i did this, it pretty much was the final big thing to make me understand everything i needed to know about this world. All the story arcs felt pretty realized and I could see how the ending could go at this point.

I guess to summarize, is that i let things grow but also had things planned from the start and once i commit to an idea, it doesnt change. Even if it might appear somewhat frustrating to work with, i like to use them to make my next decision. sometimes that means i dont get to do all i want to do, but i still have a lot of flexibility in this setting like i wanted to have from the beginning.

Even now when i feel like pretty confident that I’ve explored every nook and cranny, I’ll decide to revisit a older storyline or facet of the world and strengthen or build on that. That’s why i ended up with so many fucking side characters because I’ll brainstorm for them for a day or two and suddenly have a lot of material i know wont even “technically” go into the story even though its there. (like, Spot for example was not meant to be so interesting, but i wrote a huge fucking story for him that obviously wont get really any attention.)

So.. its ongoing and it is also not ongoing and hasnt been for quite a long time now? (after two years of constant work it felt.. really complete and done in a lot of ways. we are now currently on year three, moving to year four!) I think the best thing to do is to keep in mind what kinds of methods for writing make you feel comfortable and is your natural brain-pace. I like working with an aspect of fluidity and room for growth and flexibility because i don’t like being boxed in or “outgrowing” my project too fast. So keeping that in mind, i designed ffak to be a comic where it could grow with me and change. that’s pretty much why i decided worms would be a great subject and theme to work with because they are characters that naturally, evolve and change based on what they eat and absorb. plus the themes in ffak just are so fun to work with i will never be bored of it. structuring a project with these things in mind for when i run into walls or feel unmotivated have kept me engaged. I think that is part of why i cannot let it go because I still feel really excited to write and contribute ideas to it.

However, Chapter 12 really feels like I’m settling back down to my original plans and taking my time and patience to communicating all the structured planning ive put into it. I’m not letting it grow the same way anymore because it doesnt need to. I feel comfortable with understanding its voice/style and pacing and im no longer recovering from the uhh.. shock of it existing? I promise that once you actually start making a comic, its a wholly different experience than just it being in your head. and it will sound, look, and feel different than what you thought it would be-- that in itself has influenced a lot of change in ffak because honestly at first i was not expecting to draw it so explicit. that was difficult to get used to but im happy to have embraced that aspect of my work.

So HMM.. I made a strong spine or foundational backbone in the beginning before i started, then fleshed it out as i was in the process of making it, and i always continue to leave room for it to grow. just not grow in EVERY aspect anymore. i also dont chop down branches, but i try to hone in on specific things to make them more clear. i think chopping stuff down and removing things is generally not the best to do because its easier to build up and work with what you have than make big retcons after youve already started or established. also the challenge of working with limitations makes you feel that needed bit of pressure to really commit to your work in the moment of making it and i feel like its helped make me more serious and confident about what i write about. I never feel lost on what to do because if I cover and figure out something, that’s how it is. I make it work regardless! 

everything is done with careful consciousness to the overall balance and product of the story, while also not suffocating it in a box of limitations of what it could be. i treat it like a living thing in my mind and heart and that means i work to have thoughtful conversations with it and myself about what its needs are, what my needs are, what i want to do with it and what it wants to be.. ect. its almost a spiritual thing really. i feel like its important to always reflect and engage with your art and art process to feel a stronger connection and purpose behind what you are deciding to do and what it means to you. i am probably repeating myself a little here but!!!!!! its worth saying!!!!!!!!! 

I also really think it adds to the interesting and fun “layers” to the story, as there has been different stages to its development and it brings in different feelings with each layer. But then the older or more ‘’foundational’’ ones pop in and they seem to give off a different atmosphere (antony and rome) vrs some of the newer additions (like jacket) who are more for shallow, fun decoration or an interesting potential to explore in the future. Like, Jacket is not a character that has a lot of foundational plot connected to him, but he’s an interesting development in terms of the potential of a worm and symbolizes that early-ffak-mindset of growth and experimentation. so i think it makes him a really unique and fun character because he embodies a lot of new and old aspects of ffak’s narrative and my journey with working on the comic.

I could go on and on, but I hope this sort of gives some insight to my process and how I write/work. because in a lot of ways, it isn’t linear. just like how my comic is! sometimes this makes ffak very disorienting for people to read, but if you keep in mind that ffak is very organic and personally tailored to my mannerisms  and with that in mind, it makes a lot more sense why it is how it is and the patterns in it become much more apparent. Anyway! thank you for reading and good luck working on your own stories! it can be challenging but i think it is absolutely worth the effort. 

Also i did not make the website, my good friend Tegan did. :3 i do not know anything about websites.

[juuuuzou]

October 2017

I GOT A KITTY CAT. HIS NAME IS ANGUS AND HES 2 AND I LOVE HIM. HE IS STINKY SOMETIMES BUT HE ALSO HUGS MY ARM CLOSER WHEN I PAT HIM. I LOVE HIM.

my manager resigned and so did two of my work mates SO HOPEFULLY IM GONNA BE GETTIN A FUCK TON OF SHIFTS. i havent met the new manager yet so im gonna wait til my next shift with her (next week) to word her up that i would like, like regular hours. but ive been getting a lot of shifts at another location which i expect will only increase as christmas gets closer. ready 2 work 4 the money. esp since i thought of a tattoo i want lmao

went for a job interview for the zoo and didnt get it :( i also applied for a course in captive animals run by the zoo and got knocked back from that as well. that was really frustrating and a bit of a mood killer. but i guess its better bc now ive decided to do vet nursing which really will make getting jobs in these areas easier. i wanted to do the unit on native mammals tho... but i will eventually. vet nursing is two years with work experience and i dont think im gonna die anytime soon so ive got time.

anyway what else... oh! i applied for a name change! i forgot to get a police officer to sign the forms to verify it before i sent it in the mail... but my card has been charged for the fees.... (i didnt expect that and went to buy halloween snacks yesterday and my card was declined lmao). so i guess its been approved? gotta wait for the mail. anyway my name is still darcy and yall still call me darcy. i got a middle name (which i previously didnt have) so that when reading my full name it comes across more masculine. its craig. my dad’s middle name. bc in order to legally change my sex i HAVE to have gender reassignment surgery which nah thanks.

5 months on hormones. i have some lovely chin hairs. almost long enough to plait. makes me look skeevy but im mostly keeping them bc it annoys my sister. ive had a few customers refer to me as a male and ive nearly cried every time. the manager at this other location i work at sometimes had to ask me for my pronouns bc people have been referring to me and she hasnt known who to correct. thats made me really happy.

ive made other decisions regarding transition. im putting off thinking about money and saving for top surgery til next year. but i strongly suspect, almost certain, that im going to be getting a loan. the idea isnt as scary as i once thought. it seems more manageable. it would literally take me years to save up enough money. might as well have it done now and then pay for it in the years i would have spent saving. but thats to think about in 2018. two months away. wtf

[barblebapkins]

every question (that you wanna do) 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

im gonna try to answer as many of these as i can, get ready to learn more about me than you wanted to!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? i dont even remember, probably my ex ~4 years ago

2. Are you outgoing or shy? very shy hahaha it keeps me from forming relationships with people!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my friend and co-worker who’s been gone for a few weeks

4. Are you easy to get along with? i think so?? i dont think i’m annoying or asshole-ish

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? who again

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? romantically, people who i click with personality-wise

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? no?? i’ve been in the same fucking rut for years now what would change in the next two months

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? nobody in particular

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? depends, in general no not really, when i’m being asked about it specifically, yes it does

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? i feel sad that i cant remember this one lmao

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? me thanking a co-worker for covering for me yesterday

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? i dont even know anymore i’m just listening to numbing void shit recently

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? it doesnt really bother me, my cousin used to do it. i’ve been keeping my hair short enough where theres not much to play with though

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? kinda? i need more room/time than this questionnaire to go into detail about it

15. What good thing happened this summer? the summer just started so i dont really know yet?? but my family is leaving for like a week so i’ll have a whole empty air-conditioned house to myself!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hasnt happened yet!

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? who doesnt

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? that didnt turn out well so no

19. Do you like bubble baths? i havent taken a bath in general in a long time (i always shower) but i wouldnt mind one,,,

20. Do you like your neighbors? i dont know them very well, the people to our left have known our family since my dad was a kid but i never really talk to them

21. What are your bad habits? i drink too much soda and sleep late

22. Where would you like to travel? honestly anywhere, i just want to travel. maybe italy, see where my family is from

23. Do you have trust issues? is the sky blue

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? coming home after work and taking a shower is like a blessing from god

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? surprisingly none of it. my height is still something that bothers me now and then, but i’ve come to accept everything at this point

26. What do you do when you wake up? if i have work, get ready for that. if not, go back to SLEEP

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? i wish i didnt sunburn so easily

28. Who are you most comfortable around? *points at lazypurple staff discord* they are my closest friends at this point

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no lol

30. Do you ever want to get married? i’d like to one day yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? i just had it cut yesterday so no, and it wasnt before that either

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?? what the fuck

33. Spell your name with your chin. dfghZn (not even close)

34. Do you play sports? What sports? none sports

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? i watch almost no tv besides keeping up with SU, which i do online anyway

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing?? isnt that why theyre awkward silences??

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like book stores and also antique stores upstate

40. What do you want to do after high school? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? situational. if someone did something shitty on purpose and meant to harm me, i’d have a hard time putting it behind me tbh

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? 50/50 i’m either sad or zoning out

43. Do you smile at strangers? yes!! i try to be as nice to everyone as possible, there isnt enough of it out there

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? i thought this would be a hard decision but space was almost immediately the answer

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? the amazon echo i bought the other day wakes me up at 7 am every morning heha

46. What are you paranoid about? literally everything

47. Have you ever been high? no

48. Have you ever been drunk? nop

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no not really i am a good egg

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? i dont wear hoodies often but my favorite coat is a dark greyish color

51. Ever wished you were someone else? someone in particular, no, but a different person in general

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my paranoia and depression, it literally ruins everything i ever want to do or say

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont?? know

54. Favourite store? i dont actually shop there but whenever i pass by yankee candle its like a scent explosion

55. Favourite blog? all of my mutuals!!

56. Favourite colour? #0A3210

57. Favourite food? i honestly can not get enough of grilled shrimp its the only seafood i tolerate

58. Last thing you ate? b0rger

59. First thing you ate this morning? i had a honeycrisp apple on the way out the door to work

60. Ever won a competition? For what? dont think so, nothing worth remembering anyway

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope good egg

62. Been arrested? For what? good egg

63. Ever been in love? yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? never happened hahaha

65. Are you hungry right now? yes i need to find food but this questionnaire is DISTRACTING ME

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i dont have tumblr friends lmfao, but i love my friends on discord more than anyone else

67. Facebook or Twitter? i dont use either anymore

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr i guess though i HATE it

69. Are you watching tv right now? nop i dont have tv in my room

70. Names of your bestfriends? @mutuals from lazypurple staff discord 😍

71. Craving something? What? food andattention

72. What colour are your towels? we have a bunch of colored towels without rhyme or reason

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? just one, i used to have two but my brother STOLE IT

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no but my styrofoam gordon freeman standup from comic-con keeps watch while i slumber

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? none, just gordon

75. Favourite animal? i used to love snakes when i was a kid and i still do

76. What colour is your underwear? black with red and white stripes

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? choc

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? what did i JUST say

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? im still in my red five guys work shirt whoops

80. What colour pants? blue denim jeans cos i havent changed yet

81. Favourite tv show? i used to watch game of thrones but stopped caring about it, all i really watch is steven universe when a new ep comes out

82. Favourite movie? i watched up the other day and remembered how much i love it

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? there was a mean girls 2??

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? i have not seen either in a very long time

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? ^

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? bruce the shark is an underrated character

87. First person you talked to today? my dad i think?? im tired in the morning leave me alone

88. Last person you talked to today? today is not over but i spoke to friedn in discord a little while ago

89. Name a person you hate? *looks in the mirror*

90. Name a person you love? *looks at discord* how many times are you gonna make me give the same answer

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? me!!!

92. In a fight with someone? not at the immediate present but there are people i wouldnt mind not running into

93. How many sweatpants do you have? i think like three for four pairs but i only wear them in the winter

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? i dont really wear sweaters or hoodies

95. Last movie you watched? up, a few days ago

96. Favourite actress? i dont really keep track

97. Favourite actor? ^

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? a dog whom i love

100. How are you feeling? i was feeling okay when i started this and slowly descended into a mild sadness along the way lmao

101. Do you type fast? pretty fast i think, havent taken a test in a while

102. Do you regret anything from your past? where do i begin

103. Can you spell well? above average i think

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? i sometimes sort of miss my ex, but then i remember that i dont need her

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes, once a year

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? no, not that i know of

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes actually! it sucked

108. What should you be doing? still havent eaten!

109. Is something irritating you right now? my headache

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? y eah

111. Do you have trust issues? ?? didnt they already ask this like 40 questions ago

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? i dont cry in front of people

113. What was your childhood nickname? ry-bread

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes, but never left the east coast

115. Do you play the Wii? not in a long time, but i’ve been meaning to get a gamecube memory card and play wind waker again

116. Are you listening to music right now? nop, headache hurts too much

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes kinda, i dont like soup a whole lot but chicken noodle is one of the ones i do like

118. Do you like Chinese food? yes

119. Favourite book? i was never much of a book reader anymore but i loved what i read of sherlock holmes

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no i love the dark

121. Are you mean? no!! im good! i think,

122. Is cheating ever okay? no, people put their trust and faith in you, and taking that for granted is one of the worst things a person can do

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? probably not?? i dont wear white shoes though

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? not really, i think it takes time and effort

125. Do you believe in true love? yes i do

126. Are you currently bored? i wouldnt be taking this if i wasnt

127. What makes you happy? feeling secure and cared about!!!!

128. Would you change your name? nah im ok with it

129. What your zodiac sign? leo

130. Do you like subway? no it sucks. jersey mikes is the same thing but so much better

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? dont know?? cant relate

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? yeah this quiz is repeating questions to take up space

133. Favourite lyrics right now? hehe i listened to a song sung by christine ebersole (the supposed voice of white diamond) and the lyrics are stuck in my head

134. Can you count to one million? is this a question of ability or will?? cos i can but i will not

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk off the top of my head and do Not feel like thinking back on stuff like that rn

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

137. How tall are you? like 5′3′’ or 5′4′’ or something

138. Curly or Straight hair? no preference all hair is good hair

139. Brunette or Blonde? no preference

140. Summer or Winter? i dont like either, but if i had to choose, winter cos i hate being sweaty

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? october is BEST

143. Are you a vegetarian? no im vegan

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark pls

145. Tea or Coffee? i dont drink either really but if i know i hate coffee so tea i guess

146. Was today a good day? i guess, im tired though

147. Mars or Snickers? i hate peanuts so i guess mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? I have bad news, guys. I’m steven…

149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes! one tried to suck my DICK

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i got my old four swords manga but it doesnt have PAGE NUMBERS fuck this question

[casixtonpetsites]

im makin a lil present for somebody + im RLY RLY HAPPY with how its turning out but i dont wanna ruin all the surprise so. heres this.

(info abt my schedule recently to explain my severe absence below the cut)

i work two jobs and go to school and quite frankly im exhausted and i know i keep saying this and sometimes it changes and sometimes it doesnt but this is the first time ive gotten to draw in nearly two weeks and thats rly rly unhappymaking. ive been pulling like 25-35 hours at one job, 12-18 at the other, (the past three weeks have been the heavy end of the latter) and then school on tuesdays and thursdays for 3 hours basically, and the past week and a half ive been sick. i mean im pretty much over it now, just stuffy nose, but that was Hell because i had to work doubles open to close (open at a coffee shop for me is 8am, closing at a theatre is midnight at the earliest, do the math for sleep, yeah?? roughly 6 hours PLUS being sick to the point i shouldnt have been serving coffee to ppl lmfa o) almost every day bc nobody could cover any of my shifts bc theyre all FUCKING LAZY im still mad whatever ANYWAY

im just. trying to do this for somebody, i havent been able to rly log into aywas, i havent even been big on blogging in general on my main and thats rly easy with the app to just go through when i dont have customers, but like. not recently and i feel dead inside and out, its rly Not Great but im fucking poor so i cant not take the shifts im given. and like, yall dont know this but i live with my mom and i pay for a lot of things already (groceries, internet, both our phones, gas on occasion (i dont drive so i dont have a specific amount of gas money for budgeting), but shes got a job that only pays abt 150 a week (untaxed, so she has to pull out like 60$ of it for taxes later on) so i already have to worry about paying ofr more things like the water electric and heating (thankfully no mortgage bc we bought the house outright a few years ago) but like. the lil money my mom makes for working fuckin 8 hours a day is garbage and shes also started drinking again (i wouldnt say recovering alcoholic bc she never rly recovered and shes a pretty high functioning alcoholic,, but not recently,,,) so the money she DOES get to keep goes to eating out, and buying things she rly cant afford (cigarettes, alcohol, weed, etc.,) and im left struggling to make sure we have enough money to pay for everything........ and honestly I Cant Do This bc im like 5 yrs old i can barely handle not crying when a bug lands near me?? so im just constantly stressed and im sorry if ive just. stopped tlaking to anybody and everybody and ignoring ppl and not doing things but i literally a) do not have the time b) do not have the stress control and c) have the energy to even do anything and im sorry for that but life is hard and my 21st birthday is next month and im terrified to spend it near my home bc my momll use it as an excuse to go out to the bar or something sklhfkhegh

and honestly if im already saying all this garbage homelife stuff im still rly annoyed bc my ex boyfriend who broke up w/ me in november is STILL LIVING AT MY HOUSE and hes not contributing anything other than being my moms drug supplier basically?? originally he helped with fixing house things like redrywalling my moms room and painting my room and retiling my room and partially retiling the dining room, but he hasnt done anything in MONTHS and hes contributed NOTHING and hes not even TRYING to find somewhere else to live, after he said hed be gone by the end of january, and im rly frustrated bc im poor and hes poor and wont give me anything and he owes me 150$ that hes forgotten abt and i dont know how to bring that up properly?? as well as ITS BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE HE BROKE UP WITH ME PLEASE LEAVE MY LIFE STOP SITTING HERE AND STRESSING ME OUT MORE ugh but at least he has an adorable dog and i love her

also if u read this far im sorry im also just kinda. venting onto this blog by accident but w/e its under a cut (sorry to folks on mobile? i dont know if the cut works on mobile all the time) SCREAMS i have to work in a half hour ugh,, at least i got to sleep in a lil and draw a lil i guess

[baekhoneyed]

tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water

2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor

3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao

4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened

5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait

6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/

8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old  l m f a o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red!

13. millennial pink fight me

14. rose gold fight me again

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University

16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on

17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao

19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words

20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate

23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby

24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk

25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...

26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo

28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt

31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much

34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr

35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it

36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)

37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star

38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older

39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho

41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?

42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...

43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho

44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute

45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?

46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad

49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small

50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...

51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably

52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus

53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!

54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately

55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...

57. Drinking: did we not already go over this

58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure 

59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)

60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)

61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/

62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn

64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips

65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)

66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms

68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no

71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no

73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy

74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that) 

75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility

76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that

77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao

78: Cried when someone died: yeah

79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough

81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them

82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??

83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped

84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,

OTHER:

90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!

91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!

92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank

i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone

[lovelesstrainer]

ALL OF THEM

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Noooo idea 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Wendy and Trin! 4. Are you easy to get along with? Ehhhhhhhhh5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Myself ;; 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Decent people? 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? i’unno obligatory call otu to @xerinos 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? ^^^ 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Meh no 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Nick...? 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “When I go upstairs next, sure” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? fuck if I know13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? y e s 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? meh not really15. What good thing happened this summer? summer just started yo 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? nah 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? sure 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? nope 19. Do you like bubble baths? Nah but I like bath bombs 20. Do you like your neighbors? sure. one of them is super nice and the other had pitbulls :D 21. What are you bad habits? not sure anymore. i stopped biting my nails like last year (a whole year already !!!) 22. Where would you like to travel? Not sure right now. Pretty content with what i’ve got. the stsates I guess?? 23. Do you have trust issues? mhmmm ;; 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? s l e e p even though that isnt even daily anymore 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? fuckin smile, tum, arms, legs, nose, i can go on 26. What do you do when you wake up? check my messages/notifs 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? neither. i’m porcelain and proud 28. Who are you most comfortable around? Anna probably 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? k i n d o f ? 30. Do you ever want to get married? nawh 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yeah 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhhhhhhhhhh 33. Spell your name with your chin. nhjbmjukvchnbjgkl,.lkghf34. Do you play sports? What sports?  LOL NO 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Y ea  h 37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing because theyre not usually awkward per se 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? ?? ????? no ???? 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Sanctuary but $$$$$$$$ 40. What do you want to do after high school? bud i havent done jack shit since 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? meh 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? i’m scared/anxious usually 43. Do you smile at strangers? sure. everyone deserves to be happy. except Power 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? both? 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? buddy i barely get out of bed 46. What are you paranoid about? everything tbh 47. Have you ever been high? mhm 48. Have you ever been drunk? yeah 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no? yes? mayve....? 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black 51. Ever wished you were someone else? who hasnt? 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? dunno theres a few things 53. Favourite makeup brand? UD 54. Favourite store? Sanctuary 55. Favourite blog? uhhhh 56. Favourite colour? purple 57. Favourite food? p a s t a 58. Last thing you ate? toast 59. First thing you ate this morning? ^ 60. Ever won a competition? For what? no...? 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nah but i skipped class a lot--- 62. Been arrested? For what? nope 63. Ever been in love?  yeah 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? some chick at a bus stop 65. Are you hungry right now? kind of/??? ?66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? buddy i have like no tumblr friends 67. Facebook or Twitter? twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? both 69. Are you watching tv right now? nope 70. Names of your bestfriends?  Anna nick sam 71. Craving something? What? steak 72. What colour are your towels? black 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 5 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes ;; 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? i have a lot on a shelf 75. Favourite animal? bunnies/cats/wolf76. What colour is your underwear? black 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? both78. Favourite ice cream flavour? pistachio but I CANT FIND IT ANYWHERE SINCE I GOT BACK TO CANADA 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black lmfao 80. What colour pants? grey 81. Favourite tv show? Vikings 82. Favourite movie? Dunno 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? havent seen the seconbd one 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 jump street 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? fuck i dont remember =them 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Gill? i think his nbame is? the angel fish 87. First person you talked to today? nick? 88. Last person you talked to today? nick 89. Name a person you hate? P O W E R M A T T H E W S 90. Name a person you love? Nick91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? POWER 92. In a fight with someone? meh no 93. How many sweatpants do you have? like 2 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like 50 95. Last movie you watched? uhhhh Tangled??? 96. Favourite actress? no idea 97. Favourite actor? David Tennant 98. Do you tan a lot? LOLNO 99. Have any pets? Kitty 100. How are you feeling? t i r e d 101. Do you type fast?  meh sometimes 102. Do you regret anything from your past? meh 103. Can you spell well? sometimes? 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? not reallyt 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? nope 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah lul 107. Have you ever been on a horse? yessir 108. What should you be doing? dunno 109. Is something irritating you right now? spotify ads 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah 111. Do you have trust issues? ive answered this 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? nick technically 113. What was your childhood nickname? Nikki 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes i have 115. Do you play the Wii? nope 116. Are you listening to music right now? yep 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes 118. Do you like Chinese food? yep119. Favourite book? Dracula or Fallen 120. Are you afraid of the dark? nah 121. Are you mean? y e s 122. Is cheating ever okay? nope 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? whats white 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? nah 125. Do you believe in true love? sure 126. Are you currently bored? nah 127. What makes you happy? uhhhh depends. situational, really 128. Would you change your name? Maybe? I’ve grown to not hate my name 129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius 130. Do you like subway? occasionally 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Nothing? 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? nick 133. Favourite lyrics right now?  in due time - killswitch engage 134. Can you count to one million? yes but that takes time and effort 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? fuck if i know 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? mostly closed because the cat likes to leave in teh middle of the night 137. How tall are you? 5′5 138. Curly or Straight hair? straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? doesnt matter 140. Summer or Winter? winter 141. Night or Day? night 142. Favourite month? august 143. Are you a vegetarian? i was for like a month and almost starved to death LOL 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? white 145. Tea or Coffee? tea 146. Was today a good day? just started boyo 147. Mars or Snickers? both? 148. What’s your favourite quote? 149. Do you believe in ghosts? meh no 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“You see, they represented the greatest loss to Lestat, because they stood on the threshold of the maximum possibility of life” 

smh i hate you cam