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nurseofren · 3 years ago

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Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 30 (NSFW)

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Read chapter twenty-nine (NSFW-lite)

Title: Not a Fascination

Words: 14.1k (Um... don't look at me lmfao)

Summary: The other side of tragedy.

Warnings: vaginal fisting, needles, inappropriate use of medical equipment

ST Rambles: Here to drop this absolute MONSTROSITY of a 14.1k word chapter. But boy howdy was this thing a long time coming. Thigh riding, fisting, vein kink -- OH MY. To be honest, this thing was not supposed to be what it is, but I went with it and like how it turned out and how it will help the story along.

I take my NCLEX on July 7th and start my orientation on the 19th. Life is crazy y'all. Enjoy this.

[MASTERLIST] || BANNER // @elmidol

Bloodied faces, jagged flesh, the smell of iron scorching your nose, screams scraping against your ears and never ending, never faltering no matter how much you did.

All these things, these horrid thoughts, crowded your mind, and all you could do was keep running, keep tumbling through the unfamiliar halls of this place and hope you could get to him in time. Get to Kylo in time.

Because how many chances could the galaxy or the stars or the gods offer you? It felt like you’d used those chances up, maxed them out between Robbie and Snoke and Starkiller.

But you could not think like that, or at least you didn’t want to. It was useless, none of those gut-wrenching thoughts could help you or Kylo, and all of them just made you want to crumple to the floor and give up.

If he wasn’t okay, if he was dying…

The thought made you stumble forward, your fingers clamping onto a doorframe as you made another tight turn into the next hallway that looked like all the previous. You shot past couplets of workers, their shocked gasps dwindling behind as you raced away from them to wherever your watch was leading you.

CB-7070 raced just behind you, and maybe it appeared as if you were being chased by security, but you couldn’t care less, not as you felt the phantom flood of crimson slither along your leg, its ghost a cold, wicked reminder of how bad things could be again. The stormtrooper didn’t stop you, though, and you wondered briefly if she had been alerted to Kylo’s emergency as well. But it was a fleeting thought, and all you could think of was getting to him and being with him and not letting him go ever again.

Your heart burned in your chest and your legs flew faster than you ever knew they could, fast like your sprint toward the Command Shuttle when the planet was exploding alongside your life. This was all too familiar, too chaotic. You couldn’t do this again.

You wouldn’t.

The next turn you hurdled past, you promised yourself that you would do everything you could to ensure Kylo would never be helpless like he had been ever again. Trial be damned, license be damned, Snoke be damned! None of it mattered. Nothing mattered. Nothing but him, nothing mattered except him. It was always him.

It would always be him.

The tiny red blip of your radar display became centered, and you looked up just before you met a badge-protected door face first. Before you could process the thought completely, your hand flung to the badge hanging from your collar and slammed it into the scanner on the wall. The door hissed open and you catapulted into whatever room you’d been led to.

And then you connected with a hard wall of heat and muscle. Kylo.

Breath heaved from your lungs as your hands skimmed along his front, assessing for damage and wounds, searching for the sinister slip of blood beneath the tips of your fingers. You were only vaguely aware of the questions fumbling from your trembling lips, your ears ringing and head pounding as your hands took one of his clothed arms and smoothed along its strong length, wandering until they found nothing of concern and shifting to the opposite.

After finding his front and upper half free from injury, you went to spin to his back, but a hand caught your hip – a warm, firm hand that broke through the cloud of panic that’d swallowed you – and kept you from moving. You urged away from it, but it remained and kept you steady, and when you tried a third time, it grasped a little tighter, and you found your way back to the present.

Breath wheezed out of you and you looked up. Kylo was peering down at you, unmasked. It was there again, that odd, unreadable expression from the Command Shuttle that day, the one that looked like awe, but now it was laced with something more. The way he looked at you… Kylo seemed stunned, but there was this strength to it, like he hadn’t been expecting your worry, but that he liked it.

“Kylo,” you whimpered, your fingers reaching up to skim his face, the pad of your left ring finger etching along the black-and-red scar that struck through his face.

His Jaw tightened and your eyes fled to his, the weight of his molten amber gaze making you shiver. Something wet and hot slipped over your top lip, and only then did you realize you’d begun to cry.

“Kylo,” you mouthed, and then you rested your forehead against the broad width of his chest, your hands slipping from his face and reaching around his waist so you could pull him to you.

He seemed to relax slightly with you tight against him, but he was still rigid.

“Leave us,” Kylo stated simply, and your blood ran cold while your face heated.

In your panicked state, you forgot that CB-7070 had followed after you. She’d kept up with you through the halls and was now standing in the same room where you’d just caressed the Commander of the First Order’s face and hugged him. The room where you were still hugging him.

“Commander Ren, I am to remain with your provider during her time away from the Consulate,” CB-7070 said, an uneasiness clear even in her altered voice. “To leave her would go against my assignment.”

“Your assignment is with the General, is it not?” Kylo demanded, the hand on your hip flexing but never releasing.

There was a tense pause, and you heard the stormtrooper at your back shuffle uncomfortably, undoubtedly under the intense glare your master was shooting her right now.

“She is my provider, after all. Report to the General that you left her with me.” His heart was steady and unwavering in his chest, and you knew you should pull away from him, but you were too caught up in the reassurance of his strong form to do so.

Another moment of silence passed, you felt the steady gawk of CB-7070’s face centered on you, and you went to finally let go of Kylo. But he had other plans. Instead of letting you go, Kylo took the hand that wasn’t clasped to your hip and let it trail up your spine, dragging it along your back until it cupped the base of your skull and shifted your head so your cheek lay flat against his chest.

“Tell your general he can come to me if he has an issue with my order. I’ll be interested to hear his… perspective on the matter, if he feels so compelled.”

The lethal confidence that Kylo spoke with seeped into your bones. And though you couldn’t see his face, you heard the slight snarl he’d ended his words with.

A second passed, you took a breath, and the heat of Kylo’s gloved hand atop your nape sent a scalding shiver down your spine. Movement sounded at your back, and you could almost feel CB-7070’s surrender in the way the remaining rigidity left Kylo altogether.

The stormtrooper cleared her throat. “I will report as you’ve advised, Commander Ren.” Out of the corner of your eye, CB-7070 shifted toward you. “Officer,” she said in resignation, wariness tingeing her tone.

You couldn’t look at her. The only thing meeting her mask-hidden eyes would do is solidify that you had an odd, extremely inappropriate relationship with Kylo Ren. Between the trial, the shitty shift, and whatever Kylo called you here for, the last thing you needed was Hux up your ass. Or, further up your ass than he already was.

So you only nodded against Kylo’s chest, attempting to speak but knowing your words would be rasped by how thick your throat had become.

Boots sounded on the tile floor, then a rush of hydraulics, and finally the room settled around you. It was quiet, the only sound that of Kylo’s rhythmic, unfaltering heart and your own pulse finally slowing in your ears. He still held you to him – hand on hip and head – and for however long he did, whether it was minutes or hours, you felt the chaos of Starkiller’s downfall flood away. Kylo held you and you held onto him, and the planet at your feet kept still and steady, so you allowed a second a peace, clinging to every rise and fall of the chest that tided beneath your cheek.

Had you ever held Kylo Ren before? The thought struck through you, and you tightened your hold just a measure more, and you felt your body sigh against his.

Kylo had held you before, held tight your sob-wracked body on that all-too-recent day that seemed to have changed so much. Seemed to have changed everything, really.

“I thought something happened,” you murmured. “I thought you were hurt again like… like last time. And that I’d find you and you wouldn’t…” You swallowed, the grim thought choking you. “And you wouldn’t wake up this time.”

The hand on your hip smoothed over to the small of your back, the breath of his heavy sigh cooling the crown of your head. “I’m not that easy to kill,” Kylo said, blunt yet gentle.

You ran your hands up his back, surreptitiously searching for damage. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” you mumbled.

A gust of amusement left him, and he teasingly said, “I think a lot of people would disagree with that statement.”

He was… joking? “Nothing physically wrong, then. So why are you here, Kylo?”

He hummed, and the feel of his vibrating chest against your ear was chilling. The hand that rested on the back of your neck toyed with the stray hair there, and just as soon as your eyes lulled shut did they fling back open.

The Force returned with unyielding, unforgiving strength. It laved and pushed and whirled through your cunt, and you shuddered against Kylo and he held you to him, trapped you against him while you yipped and squealed and bit back wanton moans.

“I can’t just come see you?” Kylo rumbled, and you could hear the smirk he now wore. “It has been such a long, boring day, what with you ordering me against training for the foreseeable future, so I thought I’d pay a visit to my little nurse.” He sighed a low chuckle. “Thought I’d see how memorable your first day has been.”

Your hands bunched in the material of his outer tunic, your jaw slack and brow pinched, but through the thick pleasure you found yourself annoyed and… angry.

You were angry with him.

He came here with the intent to toy with you, just as he’d done during your entire shift. The same toying – albeit, much more vehement now – that caused you to be publicly reprimanded and shamed not even an hour ago. It made you feel so worthless, so unimportant that he hadn’t considered that you wouldn’t want to do this with him right now. Even worse was the fact you thought he was hurt or so much worse when your watch had alerted.

It felt like he didn’t care how these shifts would affect your trial. It felt like he hadn’t given a second thought to summoning you here, like he didn’t consider that you’d lose your mind at the thought of something worse happening to him as the events of Starkiller occurred not even two weeks ago.

“Kylo,” you warned, but it came out on a lusting breath. “Kylo, stop.”

“Is that another one of your orders you seem to be so keen on today? In that case…”

The Force shifted, and while it kept a masterful pattern on your clit, you now felt it move inside you, pushing into you just as his thick, heavy cock would. But the Force grew, it stretched you and you felt it deep, deepinside. A pitiful wheeze jolted from your lungs, and when your knees quivered, Kylo only pressed you harder into his massive, broad body, the Force filling you with relentless strokes.

“Kylo, stop it. Stop it, now,” you panted, your voice rising a pitch when you felt the frays of pleasure tickle along your nerves. You didn’t want to cum, not for him, not right now when he’d made you so livid.

“You should be begging me to let you cum, not for me to stop” he hummed, a note of uncertainty present in his tone. “Why are you fighting me on this?”

“Because I don’t want to do this with you!”

The exclamation ripped through your throat, your nails nearly shredding through his thick tunic, and as you prepared to be drowned in the ecstasy of orgasm, the Force left you. It all stopped, and all you knew in that moment was that you were relieved he listened to you. Relieved he stopped and recognized that this wasn’t an empty plea born from a pleasure high. Recognized you were serious.

As you calmed, still holding tight to him, you felt the absence of his touch, and the room went completely still around you. It didn’t even seem like Kylo was breathing, or he was and it was disconcertingly quiet and insidious.

You took your hands from him and stepped away, seeing you were in a nondescript assessment room, a simple exam table in its center and a set of windows peering out toward the bay. The sun was slowly sinking toward the water now, casting the cabinet-lined walls with rich orange and purple hues. Only now did you realize the lights weren’t on, the panic you’d entered the room with quick to steal your attention from such details.

As you took another step back, wiping your face with the backs of your hands, you turned your focus back to Kylo. You were mad at him. He didn’t get to throw a fit right now. You did.

But before you could start, Kylo spoke, his voice deathly and haunted as he did. “Then who do you want to do this with?”

“What are you talking about, Kylo?”

“You said you didn’t want to do this with me. That implies there is another who you would rather be doing this with.” His face was forged in impenetrable steel, and yours was warped with exasperated confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t want to do this with you. Fuck, no I don’t want to fuck you right now. I don’t want to be fucked by you right now.”

He was entirely off base, and it sent a wave of quiet outrage through you that he couldn’t see why you were so angry with him.

He ground his teeth together, so hard it seemed likely he would crack a molar. The scarred side of his face hitched in a snarl when he whispered, “The physician, right? That would make the most sense. You wanted to fuck him before.”

“Hey!” you barked, stomping a pace toward him, utterly dumbfounded by how he was missing the point. “You don’t get to call me a slut. You know what? You don’t get to be mad right now. You don’t get to imply that I want to fuck anyone other than you just because your fragile ego can’t take that I don’t want to fuck you right now, that I don’t want you to touch me right now because…”

Thoughts were somehow coming too quickly and leaving too soon as you floundered in front of him. When you didn’t speak, when your hands grasped for the words that you couldn’t find, your eyes settled on the rigid flow of his breathing. And then lower to the fists at his sides, flexing and unflexing as the room settled into silence.

“You don’t get to be mad,” you said, and it was a quiet murmur from your lips but the room around you boomed as they left you. “You don’t get to be mad right now because I…” And it took a final moment, one where his eyes lit at the threat of more silence, but you finally understood what you were feeling. “You don’t get to be mad right now because I am more than your fuck toy.”

“Of course you are—,”

“No!” you interrupted, flinging a hand just inches from his chest. “You talk so much about how I need you and how I need to trust you first, but how can I when you won’t respect… me?”

Kylo’s nostrils flared, and you saw the heave of breath that left him, but he kept quiet. So you continued. “You don’t respect me. Or maybe you do and you just suck at showing it. Because you called me here, you alerted me that there was something wrong and I thought you were dead, alright? I thought you were hurt and that you were bleeding out and that if I didn’t get to you in time that you were going to die and that it would be my fault.”

“I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong,” he said, voice laden with visceral restraint.

“And that’s the whole problem, don’t you see?” You bored one last stabbing glare into his eyes, and then rage clutched at your chest. A whiny, tired roar tore through your throat. “I’m such a joke. I… I can’t do anything. I’ve lost so much time and opportunity being assigned to you that I never learned how to do anything right! And you don’t care! You don’t care that I’m working under a preceptor who graduated the same month I did. You don’t care that I’m here, working unpaid shifts so I can prove to the Board that even if I’m unfit for practice, I am still worthy of life.”

Breath burned your throat, but it never seemed to fill your lungs. Kylo glared at you, a cold, flat expression dulling his features. You didn’t care. He needed to hear this. You needed to say it.

“I sprinted here from the Infirmary, and all I could think about was that I couldn’t lose you. That I wouldn’t live in a world where I wasn’t with you.” His brow narrowed at that, but you couldn’t stop. “And when I got here and you were okay, I felt like I could breathe again. But then you start with your Force-fucking bullshit and made me realize that you will never take me seriously. None of this will ever matter to you – not the fact that I won’t ever practice again, not the fact that you caused me to miss an IV, not the fact that that got me humiliated in front of a whole floor of staff who will forever know me as Kylo Ren’s Provider, the girl with the red embroidery and the too-short uniform.”

You hadn’t noticed, but your hand had gone to trace the embroidery you’d just mentioned, and when you flung your hand away, you saw a flicker of something unfamiliar in Kylo’s eyes.

A bitter, cold laugh croaked out of you. “Do you know who I’m working under? Does the name Calliope Silvren sound familiar to you?” You eyed him, and when he didn’t speak, you nearly barked at him, “Do you know who she is, Kylo?”

“No,” he said, and it sounded like the truth, but it didn’t matter to you if it was or not.

“Calliope Silvren is everything I was supposed to be. She’s everything I’m not, and… and she’s the one you are supposed to be fucking!”

“What are you talking about?” He ended the question with a tense cut of your name.

“Because I was your little fascination, right?” You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the thought as your vision blurred with tears. “I was nothing more than a game to you, and she was the one who was supposed to be assigned to you.” Gulps of breath hiccupped in your throat. “She wouldn’t have gotten herself into this situation!” The heels of your hands dug into your eyes, and you realized you were trembling. “Calliope fucking Silvren wouldn’t have taken the blood from that fridge, and she wouldn’t have fucked her Commander! Calliope fucking Silvren wouldn’t have named a stormtrooper and she wouldn’t have gotten raped and she wouldn’t have killed anyone!”

Something hard and cold cracked across your knees, and your hands fell out in front of you. The floor. Your legs had given out and you were sobbing uncontrollably on the sterile, frigid floor.

With a stuttering chest, you hugged your knees and cried into them. “I was never supposed to be here, none of this was supposed to happen. I was supposed to graduate and work in the Stormtrooper Hub and live a boring, mundane life.” Crushing pain flooded your chest, and your next words were nastier than you meant them to be. “A boring, mundane life where I fucked the physician until the day I died.” You looked up at him, then, and he was only a blurry outline of black and orange and purple. “Because that’s what I am to you, right? Just some slut who fucks all the men in her life.”

You scraped at your wet, burning eyes and a sob hitched in your throat. Kylo looked down at you, and you could feel the violent emotion that lived in his blackened eyes. But he said nothing, and when the silence pressed into you, the thought that came to mind was too loud to keep inside.

But that riotous thought came out on the meager dying breath of a whisper. “If your biggest concern right now is that I want to fuck Mason, then I have… I have deluded myself into believing that you care for me. That you ever cared for me.” The truth of it burned your tongue, and your chest ached for the death of the future you’d come running for.

Kylo didn’t look away from you for a long moment, and though he remained guarded, you saw something tense in his eyes. It wasn’t anger but sorrow. Sorrow and fear hidden behind a cracked mask. But then the notch in his throat moved and he turned away.

Anticipating his departure, you shut your eyes and braced yourself for the hydraulic hiss. Memories of the past few months flooded your mind’s eye, and you questioned if all this time it had been one-sided and imagined. The idea tore through you, and your chest hollowed when you thought of all the times you’d considered so dear could have only been ploys so he could control you, so he’d have access to his little fascination whenever he wanted.

The storm of thoughts overwhelmed you, but when you heard a drawer-release in the distance, muffled by the blood pounding through your skull, you lifted your head and opened your eyes to find Kylo hadn’t left. He was looking at you from across the room, his face haunted with a stabbing emotion you couldn’t quite place. His hands, glove-free now, held something, and when you caught view of it Kylo started toward you.

He didn’t stop until he stood just a stride in front of you, and when you stared up at him you saw his jaw was set, yet anger remained absent from him, still that sorrowful fear, but now it was softer, yielding. He took a silent breath, his shoulders rising evenly, and then you gasped and jolted upright as he folded himself to the floor before you and sat.

You gulped, gawking at him, noting he held an… IV starter kit?

“What are you doing?” you asked, taking in how awkward his massive form looked as he sat with his legs open and his knees slightly bent.

He said nothing, dropping the IV kit to the floor between his legs and proceeding to unclasp and shrug off the top layers of his uniform. He watched his hands while doing so, allowing you to observe him without the weight of his eyes pressing into you. He kept his eyes away until his chest was bare and you saw his biceps flex and flow as he placed the last of his clothing to the side.

Kylo picked up the sealed kit with one hand and your own in his other. He clasped the kit into your palm and pinned you with his gaze. “You are not a fascination,” he stated, clarity ringing in his voice.

He dropped your hand, only after squeezing it between his own, and then gripped the sides of your thighs and pulled you between his spread legs. You swallowed, heart thumping hard when he positioned your face just a breath from his.

He never looked away from you, and you couldn’t take your eyes from his, so when he next spoke you felt each powerful word kiss your cheeks and sink into your soul. “You are the light that has shown me my way.”

All at once, your heart stopped. Words refused to form. The harsh knit of his brow softened, and he lifted his forearm to rest on his flexed knee. With an unsteady, almost nervous emotion, he said, “You have not deluded yourself,” your name was a faint yearn off his tongue. “I care for you.”

He held his palm open and up, and the tips of his fingers played with the tab of the kit still resting in your hand, slight tremors coursing through your fingers. “Make this even. Use this,” he nudged the plastic container again, “and right the wrong I caused.”

It took a moment for your mouth to catch up with your brain, and when you finally spoke, your voice was small and weak. “I don’t know what you think will be proven by me placing an IV in your arm.”

“Just do it,” he urged, “because this won’t work unless you trust me, and-,”

“I can’t trust you if you don’t tell me what “this” is, Kylo,” you said, and it was louder than you’d meant for it to be. But you peeled open the kit and scooted back from Kylo so you could begin prodding at his arm for a good vein.

As you looked, finding bountiful fat, bouncy, obvious veins poking just under his skin, you felt him watching you. He pumped his hand a few times, and the sight of his veins and muscles swirling and popping dizzied you for a moment, a steady pulse now throbbing between your thighs. When your fingers danced down one particular vein, the one you’d admired while he slept this morning, you pressed against its spongey prominence and trailed it all the way down to his wrist.

“Your veins are literal artwork,” you sighed, but you hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

There was a fragment of amusement in Kylo’s brow, but he brushed over your compliment like you wished he would. “If I tell you what “this” is, “this” won’t work.”

“Then I guess I won’t trust you,” you said, sassy and defiant.

“Mm, that won’t work for either of us,” he rumbled, and you wanted to slap him for his sly tone.

You flicked his vein and reached for the kit, but there were no gloves, and you needed a saline flush. And an alcohol wipe. “You know, it’s a bad look when you come ill-prepared for any procedure,” you said, looking at him before standing and searching for your supplies, “it makes you look like you have no idea what you’re doing.” Once you had what you needed, you gave him a pointed stare as you walked back to him, looking down at him as you said, “It creates a lack of trust between patient and provider.”

There was that whispered amusement in his brow again, the same in the set of his mouth. “What happens if the provider doesn’t trust the patient?”

“Then the patient gets a dose of Ativan and goes to sleep so the provider can do her job effectively.” You knelt within the cradle of his hips again and repositioned his arm so you had better access to it. Using the cleanser provided in the kit, you scrubbed his arm, a bit more forcefully than you needed to, but it wouldn’t hurt him. And if it did… so be it.

You could feel the humor he found in your feisty comments. It irked you. You continued, staring him dead in the eye while you snapped the rubber tourniquet above his elbow. “Or if the chemical restraint isn’t appropriate, there’s always good old-fashioned mechanical ones.”

“Is that what you want to do to me, nurse?” Kylo purred, and even though it was infuriating that he was leaning into your anger, the tone of his voice made your legs quiver. “You want to tie me up and have your way with me?” Kylo hummed and it went straight to your center. “Seems like I’d have to trust my provider for that to occur.”

“You have no reason not to trust your provider,” you said blandly, priming the extension tubing with saline.

“And what do blatant lies do to your all-important patient-provider relationship?”

That stopped you. And what squeezed something deep in your heart were the hard eyes you found when looking back to him. You swallowed a gasp, your throat bobbing harshly. “What are you saying?”

“You know what I’m saying.” There was a cautious chill to his tone, like he fully believed what he was alluding to.

It wilted your insides. “You think I lie to you? You think I’ve lied to you?”

“You have. Many times. You’re lying to me even now.” Without taking his eyes from yours, Kylo nudged the open IV kit. “Continue. You’re getting to my favorite part.”

“I’m not going to continue. I can’t. Not after you tell me you… tell me you think I’m lying to you.”

“Continue and I’ll explain.” He was all too casual for what he was saying, and the half-grin he gave you was more alarming than comforting. “A compromise.”

A deep breath did nothing to fill your lungs, but you gave him a small nod and turned back to his arm. The tourniquet had been on for a while, and you’d rather not bruise your pride further from a blown vein so you released the knot.

“I’m letting those veins rest for a few minutes.” You swallowed, tugging at your bottom lip with your teeth. “Explain, I guess.”

Again, he didn’t look angry with you, and you didn’t know what to think of the firm calmness he was exhibiting. But he tightened his jaw for a moment and began.

“To start, the first night you were assigned to me. You weren’t there. And I’m sure you remember the outcome of that.”

Heat rose to your cheeks as you remembered him pulling your head back as water rocketed down your throat, burning your lungs. A shiver slid down your back. “I apologized for that. And it technically wasn’t a lie, as I explained that same night. Your ship got back early.”

“And then the time you stumbled in drunk in the middle of the night.” He went on as if you hadn’t said anything, and you swore there was a faint fond smile tugging at his lips.

“I apologized for both of those occurrences. And, in my defense, you hadn’t shown up for curfew until the night I got home late. You were never there, not when I got home and not when I left for the medbay. I didn’t see you for a week.”

“But I saw you,” he said, and it struck you silent. “My training with Snoke was unpredictable, but I always found myself… checking to see if you were there. It was always in the early hours of the morning when I got back, so you were sleeping.” He swallowed hard before he spoke again, like he didn’t want to admit whatever it was. “I liked seeing you so peaceful. You were never peaceful around me.”

You stared at him in awe, the tourniquet limp in your hand, and no words dared come to mind as he continued.

“So when you weren’t there the night I’d finally made it home before midnight, something in me… I realized that you’d started to mean something more to me. More than the fascination I thought you were.” His eyes were practically burning now, and your heart squeezed tight in your chest. “And then I carried you to your bed and saw you’d kept my cape from the previous week. And I knew if I allowed myself to let you keep it, that I’d be permitting whatever I felt then to give into that more. So I took the cape, and I decided that would be the end of it.” His throat bobbed. “I wanted that to be the end of it.”

Truthfully, your head was swimming in all he was saying. You didn’t know how to deal with it, and you found yourself staring at the floor, thinking back to that night a few months back, thinking about how you’d wanted him to stay. And now it was more haunting, knowing that he’d felt similar to you then, and you’d just accused him of never caring for you.

Kylo’s large hand came into view and tugged gently on the limp tourniquet threaded through your fingers. “My veins have rested long enough. Continue.”

The weight of his eyes was back and it took a moment to take yours away and focus back on his arm. Sitting between his legs was… nice, but it would be awkward angling a needle from this position. So you fixed yourself to straddle his thigh, sitting back on your heels and resting his hand palm-up on your thigh.

“Comfortable?” Kylo asked, and you heard his slight grin in the word.

“Shut up,” you grumbled, extremely aware of the heat of his leg pressing against your sex, against the pair of briefs you took from him this morning.

“I thought you wanted me to explain?”

You sucked your teeth and snapped the tourniquet in place in the same second. A low chuckle rumbled from Kylo, and you felt heat rise to your cheeks, so confused by his casual demeanor.

Gliding a gloved finger along your chosen vein, you whispered, “Continue,” before activating the cleansing sponge and scrubbing along his arm vigorously.

His nails brushed along your inner thigh and you swallowed a gasp, but when you grabbed the needle, he spoke up. “When we got back to Starkiller, and you chose to stay in the medbay after seeing what that stormtrooper had done.” Kylo broke off, deep, seething anger simmering along the mention of Robbie. “The next morning I found you’d slept there, completely open to harm from anyone who wanted to cause it—”

“Those doors are coded to badge access. I was fine.”

“So was your residence, but he found a way, didn’t he?” The harshness of his tone stole your focus, and you found his set jaw and knew that harshness wasn’t for you, but for the one he spoke of. “You weren’t safe and when I found you’d slept there that night, I was…”

Kylo looked at you with hard eyes, and you thought you knew what he wanted to say – or what he couldn’t say, really. “You were… concerned?”

“No,” he said, “I was enraged.” He swallowed. “Not with you, or that stormtrooper. With myself.”

The intensity of his gaze was too much, so you looked down and turned the bevel of the needle upward and began to angle it against his skin. “Why,” you whispered, voice a mere rasp.

“Because I should have killed him the moment we landed back on Starkiller.”

The words boomed through the small room, the rich violet of the sinking sun curling around the chilled tone of Kylo’s voice. A halo of fire lit his folded frame from behind, and you thought it matched that which now lived in the molten amber of his eyes. You realized in that moment that Kylo blamed himself for Robbie, and he’d just told you a truth he’d known for a long time.

You went to speak, but his other hand came to the one you grasped the needle with and pressed so the metal tip advanced beneath his skin. A curse fell from your agape mouth when his touch left and you saw blood return, advancing the IV catheter quickly and watching as crimson threatened to spill out. You released the tourniquet and fumbled with the extension tubing, securing it and flushing the vein with saline, something of pride and relief spreading through your chest as you met no resistance.

The next steps went by quickly – clamping the tubing, placing the transparent dressing over top, securing with extra tape, and slipping off your gloves – but you felt Kylo’s eyes on you the whole time. He was patient, and he shifted his leg and made you wince as it hit just the right spot, so when you finished gathering your trash and looked up again, you didn’t expect to find him with an expression of such… fondness. Still tense, but strong and unyielding, reverent almost.

“What he did to… to me, it is not your fault, Kylo.” You clasped your hand over his that rested on your thigh.

“It’s not your fault,” Kylo corrected, and you knew he meant it. He squeezed your hand and pulled you nearer, his leg pressing into that bundle of nerves and making you shiver. “And maybe it’s not mine either, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to kill him.”

“Why does that matter?”

He took a long pause and sighed, searching your eyes and looking at your lips when he said, “I shouldn’t have cared that he hurt you, or that he took you out in the first place. I shouldn’t have cared that you didn’t consider that I would have kept you safe, or that I would have wanted you with me that night and not alone on a freezing exam table.” He swallowed. “And I should never have cared so much that you went to McCarty the next night, even when you’d agreed to come to me.”

You licked your lips, unsure when you said, “I was scared that the Board would see me on surveillance. You knew that.”

“Yes,” he said and huffed out something that resembled a tired laugh. “I knew that and yet I still wanted you with me. Because I am selfish and consider you something of an invaluable piece of me.”

A piece of him, you thought, dizzied by the outpouring of truth he was allowing. You skated your thumb along the veins of his hand, heart racing as the sun continued to set behind him. In a whisper, you asked, “But why should you have never cared about… those things? I… I like that you cared about them.”

He leaned into you after a slow second, and his forehead met yours. His breath warmed your face before he said, “I should never have cared about them because it meant that I cared about you. That I care about you.” He said, and when you gasped you felt him shudder. “I care about you, and that makes you a pawn in games you aren’t even aware of. And that isn’t your choice. It is wholly unfair to you for me to make you a target for my enemies.”

“I think I know at least one of the games I’m a pawn in,” you said, voice so shaky you could barely recognize it. He stilled, and you took one hand from his and grasped the back of his neck, threading your fingers through his sun-emblazoned hair. “And Kylo, what if it is my choice?”

“Then I am every bit the monster people know me to be.” Kylo said it more to himself, and you wondered why he sounded so haunted in that moment.

“You’re not a monster, Kylo. At least, you aren’t my monster.”

“No, you killed him.”

“Yes,” you swallowed, and you couldn’t help the hesitance that crept into your voice. “I did.”

Kylo lifted his head from yours then, and you knew he wanted you to keep your eyes on his as he said, “I say that because it’s true and you shouldn’t feel shame for doing so. I told you I wanted to kill him, but I didn’t know how satisfying it would be to hear you say you’d done it yourself.”

“You’re proud that I killed him?”

“I am proud that you did not hesitate.” He swallowed, eyes haunted once more. “I am proud that you recognized your enemy, and you knew what it would take to beat him.”

You didn’t say a word, but you nodded, sliding your hand from his nape to his chest. You searched his eyes as he looked down to where his hand was, and you felt his fingertips find the raised, off-color skin of the initials he’d branded you with. He knit his brow just slightly, and you moved your hand to cup his scarred cheek. He spent several more seconds gazing at the scar he’d given you, but his gaze found yours soon enough.

“I’ll tell you something that I shouldn’t like.” His eyes narrowed a small measure. With the pad of your thumb running along the curve of his healing scar, the black-and-white stitching still there but lesser, you admired him for a long, quiet moment. He continued to trace along your scar, and his leg shifted again, your breath catching before you could stop it.

“You told me you like my scars already.”

A slight smile tilted your lips to the side, but you spoke with little amusement when you whispered, “I like my scar, too.”

Kylo went utterly still, and then he slid his hand up so his heated palm closed over the raised letters on your thigh. “When I did this, I didn’t know…”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” you murmured, and your heart sank to your gut as memories of that horrid day flooded back, images of Snoke’s mangled existence, echoes of Mason’s pained screams ringing through your commlink.

“I could have known.” Again there was no anger in his tone, but something aching, regretful almost.

You brushed a few stray curls back from his face and smoothed a thumb along his temple. “Snoke would have killed Mason. He was monitoring your thoughts that entire day. I had no choice. I told you this yesterday.”

“And as I told you earlier, I am selfish.” He shrugged his shoulders slightly at the same moment you felt his thumb swipe the inside of your thigh. “You could have told me, right after you’d met with him. That’s why you weren’t home when I returned, wasn’t it?” You nodded and he went on. “I should have known something was wrong the second you got back to the Finalizer residence.”

“No you shouldn’t have. That’s the point—”

“No, the point is that you don’t trust me.”

“No, the point is that I couldn’t tell you or imply anything was wrong because Mason—”

“I do not care about McCarty,” Kylo nearly barked, but it was a reined in response by the way his voice lowered at the end. “I don’t care about anyone apart from you, and no matter how duty-bound you felt to protect your friend, you should have come to me.”

“And what would you have done but gotten him killed and risked my life in the process?”

“I will never risk your life,” Kylo seethed, his hand clamping over the scar he’d made. “But that’s the one thing you’re willing to gamble away at any sign of trouble for others, isn’t it?”

“What are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything, I’m only speaking the truth when I say that you are so focused on trying to save everyone around you, that you fail to see how often you jeopardize yourself.” His nostrils flared, but the grip on your thigh lightened, and you didn’t feel threatened by him at all. “I have to be selfish because you will always be recklessly selfless.”

“And is that such a bad thing? I’ve saved two people, three if you count yourself, while being oh so recklessly selfless.”

Kylo’s face fell into incredulity. “And you now have the sweet promise of three more weeks with a pulse. And the added bonus of a chancefor more, but with the swift revocation of your license for however long you live afterward.”

The truth stung, but not quite so much as it did coming from him. “So, what? I should stop helping people?”

“I will never ask that of you,” he stated. “But I do ask that you not get yourself killed in the process.”

“Like you said, it’s probably too late for that.”

He looked at you hard and long, chewing his tongue. His eyes narrowed and he swallowed, staring at you with a thousand thoughts whirling in his gaze. He cleared his throat and fixed his features so he was no longer studying you so much as he was admiring you. Sultry eyes landed on your lips, and the hand over your thigh tightened, his other coming to mirror over your remaining thigh. He reared his leg upward and you yelped as the sudden friction settled into your clit, your torso slamming into the hard muscle of his chest so your arms were flung around his neck.

Kylo shifted you over his thigh, inching you up and back over the hard, thick muscles. His head turned so you felt his nose trace over the shell of your ear, his lips catching your ear lobe for a moment before you sighed from the pleasure of his movements.

He let you breathe for a moment, your fingers dipping into the curl of hair at his nape, his warm breath heating your neck. “Are you trying to distract me?”

“Not entirely,” he rumbled, his thigh inching up another measure, his hands pulling, grinding you against him. A small, contented moan fled your lips when another rush of heat coiled in your belly. “But if I were, I’d say I’m doing a good job of it.”

Your hips shifted of their own volition, a seethe rushed past your teeth, and you felt the day’s torture rush up all at once. Hours and hours of being led and teased with the Force, withstanding Kylo’s earlier intentions to catapult you into ecstasy. Being so close to him now, the heat of his bare chest sinking through the material of your uniform, your thighs straddled against the muscles he’d trained over years and years – you felt yourself giving into his touch.

And maybe it was because of everything he’d just told you, but you felt… better about allowing him to pleasure you now. There was less of an overarching sense that you were nothing but a toy for him. The idea of giving into him now, letting yourself go and enjoying the feel of his massive form under you, it felt good. It felt different from before, and even though you still had questions, mostly pertaining to why he was here in the first place, you knew you wouldn’t deny yourself or him any longer.

As you held onto him, he rocked you back and forth along the length of his thigh, rubbing you just right, keeping a sweet pace and listening as you let out tiny gasps from each synchronized roll of your hips.

“I was angry that I’d allowed myself to feel so much,” he breathed onto your neck as he kept his pace with your hips. “I couldn’t stand the thought that I meant nothing to you, that I was nothing to you.” You felt the flicker of orgasm as your body began to tense, his words an urging caress. “So I marked you as my own, and I watched you bear the pain of it in near silence. I wanted you to react, to scream at me with the shattering rage I knew in that moment. But you didn’t. You were so quiet and still…”

Your arms were going limp around his neck, so you slumped into him. Kylo curled his head further so his lips were pressed against your ear, his voice no louder than the breath of a whisper. “I thought about how just hours before, I’d felt your tears stream down my back, and I couldn’t shake the thought that you’d betrayed me so thoroughly for so long. I was so angry, I couldn’t see you. I couldn’t think of what it meant that you were silent while I cut into you with every ill-intent I felt in that moment. I was blinded by your betrayal, but also my own, because I knew better than to allow myself to get so involved with someone, because I was bested by a weakness that never should have existed. The weakness I created.”

Tendrils of release crept up your chest and you rode the edge of pleasure as your breath panted against his skin and he ground you harder into him. His teeth pulled at your ear lobe and shivers quaked outward along your neck and spine, his touch and words a separate charge toward pleasure.

“You don’t have weaknesses, Kylo,” you panted, barely recognizing your voice. “You are not weak.”

“No, I am not,” he breathed, kissing the hinge of your jaw, “but you are a weakness of mine, a piece of me, and a target because of it.” You whimpered against him as your body sprinted toward sweet release, losing grip on that last fraying string of sanity when Kylo said, his voice ragged and raw, “And I am selfish enough to ask that you trust me. Trust that I will never risk you even though I am a risk to you, because you are an extension of me, and I will defend you as I would my very own flesh and blood.”

In that moment, you felt more than the sexual bliss of orgasm, sinking deeply into the rasped words he’d given life from his tongue, but were born from his heart. His heart that beat so steadily when you lay against it, the heart you’d ran toward so often, even when you hadn’t realized it. Euphoria pulsed through your body as every word and breath he’d just gifted raced around your mind, leaving you to settle into him as you returned to the present.

“Be selfish,” you murmured, breathing heavily. “I will trust you. I do trust you.”

The strength of his arms tight against your back, pulling you into him, was as shocking as it was calming. He was holding onto you, not just holding you, but keeping you to him as tightly and surely as he could.

Through closed eyes you knew the sun would soon be hidden from the sky and taken over by night, but you didn’t care that time was passing. Because as your breath fell into step with Kylo’s own, time might as well have stopped existing.

“Why are you seeing McCarty tomorrow?”

Although the words were quiet, even as he spoke directly against your ear, their sudden presence spread like ice water over your heated skin. It’s not that he spoke with any harsh emotion, just that it shocked the silence you’d been nestled into. The room settled as you took a few more silent moments, but then it occurred to you that you’d never told him that.

“How do you know that I’m seeing him tomorrow?”

Neither of you moved, and you even toyed with a black curl as he said, “I told you I didn’t need to be near you anymore to… sense you.” He sighed, and it melted along the length of your spine. “I heard you at breakfast this morning. Talking to Hux’s provider.”

Swallowing, you braced your hands on his shoulders so you could peel away from him. He didn’t go easily, not tightening his hold but not letting you go either. The palms of your hands pressed gently into the warm skin of his chest, and soon your eyes found his in the faltering light of day. With a kiss of deep purple still hazing through the room, you searched his gaze with your own, and you wondered if the conversation you’d shared with Talia had anything to do with why he was here.

But there was more to that conversation than your plans to see Mason, and you needed to know how much he’d heard. “How does this… sensingthing work? It’s the Force, right?”

Kylo nodded, his hands resting on the curve of your hips. “It’s developed over time. The first time it was like I could hear you speaking right against my ear, but it was like the connection was weak. I could hear you, but it was unclear.”

Slight heat nipped at your cheeks. “It was the morning after I stayed with you on Starkiller, right?” The morning you’d rode your fingers like they were Kylo’s as you wore the briefs he’d put out for you.

“That was a great morning for both of us, I think.”

“I like how easy you’re being right now,” you whispered, and you weren’t sure if you meant to say that aloud.

“I can be hard if you want me to. I am, actually. Very.” A smirk lit his face and he led one of your hands down to the hard press of his prominent erection along the fly of his pants.

“I’m sure we’ll get to that later,” you said, glancing a thumb along his length before placing your hand back on his chest.

“If you’re sure,” he mumbled, and he leaned in to brush his lips against the base of your neck. He pulled away and looked at you, a finger now tracing the length of the “K” etched into your thigh. “Now, though, if I want, I can hear you however far away you are, and it’s like you’re standing next to me.” He cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes, their focus landing on your lips when he said, “I think due to the strengthening of the connection…”

His heart skipped under your palm. It startled you so much you had to stop yourself from flinching. His heart skipped… for me. “Our connection is… stronger now?”

He swallowed, his heart steadied, and he murmured into the dying light, “I want it to be stronger.”

“Why? If you can hear me clearly, why would it need to be strengthened?”

Kylo lifted a hand so it smoothed over one side of your face and found its way to the nape of your neck. “I can hear your words, what you say out loud and to others. But not your thoughts. Never your thoughts.” His expression was far away for a moment, his thumb pressing idle circles along the length of your throat. “Sometimes, though, I feel what you feel. Only recently.”

“What I feel?”

“Strong emotions, mostly.” Kylo continued to stare over your shoulder, and something dark and dangerous settled in his jaw when he paused. “The first time I could recognize it for what it was – recognize it was you– was just before Starkiller fell. It was right after I’d been struck. I remember blinking up, blinking blood out of my eye as I was flat on my back willing myself to get up, and through the pain of my injuries came this surge of…” His nose scrunched, and his lip lifted into something of a snarl. “It felt like I was on fire. Not my face or my side. But like the Force was burning through my whole body. And then I heard you, like you were screaming right next to me, and you were screaming at someone to get off of you.”

Kylo paused, his chest entirely still, like breathing was hard where his mind had taken him. His hand dropped from your nape and absently curled around your wrist, toying with the band of your watch. The pad of your thumb drew slowly along his sternum, and you watched the warm amber of his irises drown in a stark, frigid black.

“And then I wasn’t burning. I felt my own injuries again, and I was no longer trying to move. I was laid out on my back, Starkiller crumbling all around me, and the only thought I had was that…” Kylo shuddered, the hand around your wrist stilled, and his jaw hardened to steel. “I thought you were dead. And I didn’t know why, but that thought stalled me. I should never have cared for you, but especially not then, not when I thought you’d betrayed me.”

Kylo looked at you then, the very last remnants of the sun a muted halo behind him, and whatever breath remaining in your lungs fled under his searing gaze. “I sent a signal to your watch, but that burning didn’t come back.” He swallowed. “You were dead, and I couldn’t… I wouldn’t move. I knew I had to, but all I did was fall into the absence of that burning. The absence of you.”

Once more you thought of how Kylo had looked at you in the dark of the Command Shuttle, remembered how you thought it was wonder or shock. With an ember of breath you croaked, “You thought I was dead.” Such a redundant statement, but you said it and you felt the haunt of that awed expression die away. “You thought I was dead, but then…”

“Then you were there, and I thought I had died.” Kylo slid his hand up your palm and clasped his fingers around yours, squeezing tight and pressing it to the middle of his chest. Just above his heart. “But then I heard your voice again, but it was different. You weren’t in my head, but you were with me. I tried to reach out to you, but I couldn’t. I warred in my mind until I realized you were there, but I wasn’t.”

“The coma.” Kylo had tried to reach out to your voice. You’d thought he hated you then, that he wouldn’t want to be violated by the one who had wounded him so deeply. He told you he’d heard you days ago, but knowing he wantedyou there, even if he never said otherwise – it struck through to your soul.

“I could just barely feel your hands. I heard everything you said and it was agony. To be there, listening to you blame yourself, hearing the guilt and pain in your voice – and not be able to do anything? It felt like I was burning from the inside out.”

Before you could process it, a hand was behind your nape and your mouth was against his. It wasn’t a violent kiss, no thrashing tongues or frantic lips; rather, it was a kiss full of dead regrets and roiling anguish. Kylo claimed your mouth in a slow, steady pace set by a war between pain and need. It was a kiss of mourning and grief.

His lips left yours but only enough so when you breathed, yours would glance off of them. He panted and swallowed, and the hand keeping yours to his chest spread your fingers so you could feel the deep, steady thump of his heart beneath them.

“But that moment, it was me burning, not you. Just before you left, when I felt your lips on mine and pleaded with my body to finally come back to me, your presence was like a salve. It found me through the darkness, and it calmed me, quieted the flames roaring in my mind, and it steadied me.”

As close as he was, he found your eyes, and you felt them sink deeply into your own. “You couldn’t have given me more,” he kissed your name to your lips, “because when I woke up, when I found my body and felt the braids, it was all real to me. You were real to me.” Kylo paused, breathed, and his heart skipped beneath your hand. “You couldn’t have given me more. You were alive. There will never be anything more than that.” He kissed you again, and this time it was hungry, ravenous as he stole your breath and claimed your mouth. “It was everything. It is everything.”

Words were thick in your throat, heavy in your mind, but the whole of what came from your parted lips, between the soft pants of breath that fell from them as he continued to nod his own full mouth into yours, were sighs and gasps of contentedness. In his arms, right now, after all was said and all was done, you thought for a moment that should you have died, you would have gone happily.

It was a feat to pull away from him, but you did, and you watched as the purple and orange of the sun wasted away behind him. “I am seeing Mason tomorrow because he’s letting me grab some clothes for the trial. And he’s been weird since Starkiller. And weirder since getting to Canto Bight. I know you don’t like him much, but he’s important to me, and I need to talk to him.” Kylo’s lashes lowered after his heavy gaze pulled away from you, the hand on your nape going back to trace the scar on your thigh. “Is that why you really came here? Because you overheard me this morning talking about visiting him?”

For a moment he remained quiet, the faintest touch of his fourth finger kissing your skin, but he looked up to you and found your eyes. “I’m here because you were still concerned with the Board, and even Hux, and knew if that was true, that it would also be true that you hadn’t listened to me. That you still didn’t trust me.”

“Kylo—”

“I should never have expected you to trust me so blindly, not after I’ve given you countless reasons not to.” He swallowed then, something of an apology knitting his brows together. “But for your own safety, you cannot know everything—”

“About the elusive “this” you keep referencing?”

“Yes,” he said, and his voice was clear and adamant. “By whatever means, you will survive this trial. Trust in that.”

“Okay,” you said, and you meant it. He’d said a lot today. It was enough. For now, at least. “But may I propose something that maybe you haven’t thought of?”

With a deep, cleansing breath, you took both his hands and dropped them in your lap, dismounting his leg and once more settling in the cradle of his thighs, propped on your knees as you met him with an unfaltering stare. “I will trust you, but you have to trust me back.” You trailed a finger over the secured IV you’d placed. “Trust me with more than your body. Trust me… wholly.”

Kylo seemed off-put by the thought of that, and he studied you for long, seemingly eternal minutes; he looked conflicted, like he was weighing every outcome of what that meant. When you thought he wouldn’t answer, he cleared his throat and said, “I’ve done that before.”

He had, you knew that, but you needed to say something before he decided he wouldn’t do so again. “And the only reason you stopped was because Snoke weaponized me, used me to get to you so he can have you in his arsenal, at his expense whenever he wants. You are more than that, Kylo. More than his or anyone’s to use. Do not let him win. Not again. Not anymore.”

His jaw steeled as each of your hard words met their mark with deadly precision. And when he spoke next, his tongue was a blade, his tone a sharp, unyielding promise. “He’s already lost. He just doesn’t know yet.”

“So it’s settled. I trust you, you trust me.”

There was hesitance, but he gave a single, curt nod. His brows knit for a moment and then his features seemed to soften. “I can get you clothes. Although, I do prefer you without them.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks, but you knew what he was doing, and as endearing as it was, you wouldn’t yield to him on this. “I’m seeing Mason tomorrow, and no amount of dirty words or pretty clothes will change my mind.” You notched a brow. “You’ll just have to trust me, I guess.”

“Already abusing your power,” he purred, and he pulled you into him so your legs opened and splayed over his hips and behind him. “Don’t make me regret this decision.” His tongue traced along your carotid, followed by the plush press of his lips. “At least, not so soon.”

He pushed a hand into your hair and turned your neck to the side, sucking the tender skin until he surely left a mark. His teeth skated along the hinge of your jaw, his lips trailing up your chin until his skillful tongue pushed past the seam of your mouth. It found yours and led you into a breathtaking whirl of sensation. You moaned into him, loving his weighted breath, feeling his cock harden beneath, growing as you rolled your hips into him.

He hummed, slipping his tongue away and sucking your bottom lip, your hands leading into his thick, midnight locks as the room settled in the darkness of night. He nudged his nose into you and teased your lips again, chuckling as you leaned into his efforts and chased his toying mouth.

“Tell me one more thing,” he hummed, and his tone was decadent and rich, a pulse of heat lighting between your legs.

“Anything, Kylo,” you sighed, finally catching his mouth and biting his bottom lip.

“Were you going to mention that your friend is pregnant with the General’s illegitimate kid, or were you hoping I didn’t catch onto that part of your talk this morning?”

Well. If anything was going to kill the mood, that was it.

“You know,” you sighed, bracing yourself on his shoulders and pulling out of his embrace, “as much as I dislike General Hux, mentioning him doesn’t count as dirty talk.”

Kylo chuckled deep in his chest, and his mouth was twisted in a lopsided smirk. He insisted again, not a fowl note in his voice, “Were you going to tell me?”

“It wasn’t my news to tell.” You shoved his shoulder. “And it’s not yours either, understand?”

“Really? I was looking forward to congratulating him and sharing a few cigars with the father-to-be.” You shoved him again and he laughed, appearing so young as he put his hand atop yours and traced his thumb over the back of your hand. “I don’t plan on telling him. And I don’t care if your friend—”

“You are allowed to call her Talia. You’re also allowed to call him Mason, if you didn’t know.”

“I’m not very fond of being on a first-name basis with someone I don’t plan on ever knowing. As for the physician,” his brow ticked as you frowned at the title he used so often, “I just don’t like him.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I don’t care if Harper”—you smiled at the compromise—“tells him or not. I’d actually find it quite funny if she kept it from him until the very last second. He could use a good kick in the pants.”

“So, you really won’t tell him, then?” You pushed a lock of hair back from his temple with your free hand.

He sighed exaggeratedly, and the next thing you knew, you were in the air and being lifted to sit on the edge of the exam table, Kylo’s hands resting on the tops of your thighs. “No, I won’t tell the General of his bastard lovechild. Or maybe I will,” he raised a teasing brow, “I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

“Oh, really?” you challenged, leading the flat of your hand up the rigid muscles of his chest.

“Really,” he breathed in answer, dipping his head and laving his tongue past your lips, stroking it against your own as his hands caught the hem of your uniform and pulled it from the length of your body.

Your hands lifted for him, and soon you were bare – bare to the cool room, bare to the city that sprawled behind you. Bare to him. The only remaining article was his black briefs. His mouth was on your neck, kissing and biting and sucking along your pulse. Large, bold hands slid down the curved lines of your sides, thumbs petting over your belly. Kylo leaned down to your chest, kissing into the tender flesh, mouthing at the swell of your breast until he pulled a nipple into his mouth and tongued over it, around it, until your head fell back and a long, throaty groan left you.

“I need to taste you,” he breathed, taking his mouth from your breast only for a moment.

A needy hand found the back of his neck, and you pulled him closer as you arched into his mouth, into the heat of his tongue trailing to take your other nipple between his plump, scorching lips. He looked up at you, heated amber seeping into your eyes as you saw his mouth move and felt his tongue draw on the tip of your breast.

Kylo smirked when you shuddered against him, and then his hands left you. There was a metallic squeak, and he popped your breast from his mouth. When you looked down at him next, his eyes were full of mischief and a tantalizing glint that made your heart drop.

Kylo had pulled out a set of stirrups that had been locked beneath the table. And by that damn glint in his eye, you knew his every intention. You knew, too, by that very same glint, you wouldn’t need convincing.

“Trust me?” he asked, and the devil lived in the smirk that spread across his face.

“I probably shouldn’t.”

“Much too late for that.”

Kylo leaned forward like a predator readying to strike. First his mouth found yours, kissing you deeply, his hands cupping the back of your neck. Then, he kissed down to your breasts, tonguing a nipple, looking up at you when he bit down. A rumble rolled in the depths of his chest. Large hands smoothed over the curves of your silhouette, gripped your thighs and led you toward the edge of the table.

He stopped for a moment, his chin skimming your soft belly, his gaze a vice grip on your own. And when he had you positioned as he wanted, his thumbs curled into the briefs’ waistline and he pulled them out from under you. Kylo stopped once he uncovered your sex; keeping his eyes on yours, a tether of pure lust between you, he dipped his head and dragged his nose over your mound. His inhale was self-indulgent, slow and torturous, his eyes slipping back before his lids shut, the smell of you seemingly a drug of the highest potency.

Kylo groaned, inhaling a second time, the fog of his exhale flourishing over your tender, slick flesh. He slipped the briefs free from your legs, holding your ankles in one massive, binding hand.

“As much as I enjoy you wearing what’s mine,” he hummed, a hand under each ankle now, and leaned down to join his nose to the supple skin of your inner thigh, dragging ever closer to the pulse now aching to be attended to, “I admit taking it off you is much more satisfying.” His lips pressed into the sensitive flesh, his hot exhale whispering along the top of you slit. “Ask me why that is.”

Heat was enveloping your body, and your breasts heaved as breath came in short, harsh pants, but when you went to speak, Kylo’s tongue distracted you. Just before the question left your lips, he sucked the skin of your inner thigh and bit down. And as you moaned at the heady sensation – that wondrous pleasure pain – his arm encircled the leg already attended to and blindly placed it into the hard cradle of the stirrup. When it was secure, his hand slinked up the length of your body, grasping your breast while he kissed and sucked and nipped at your left thigh.

“Why,” you breathed out, unsure if you said anything, head spinning impossibly.

“Because,” Kylo crooned, muffled against the tissue he mouthed at, “the clothes are mine, but so are you. And I am undone at the sight of what is mine bared and sprawled for my taking.”

Soft, pretty moans slipped from you when he repeated the process of placing your leg in the second stirrup, his words a sweet poison in your thrumming veins. Once you were settled, and after he’d kissed his way up your calf, he stood between your raised legs – the sight of his purely masculine form laving your nerves with anticipation and lust – and watched, perhaps too intently, as he pushed your legs apart until you were sure you’d split in two.

In the light of fresh dusk, the notch in his throat bobbed, the weight of his gaze settled on the sight of your dripping, desperate cunt. Kylo’s tongue dipped into sight momentarily, glinting when it unthinkingly swept over his bottom lip. His eyes remained steady, the flat of his palms lighting sparks along your inner legs, and you watched as he brushed two long fingers down your folds, parting your sex and slipping through the wetness that was welled there.

Finally, his gaze lifted, the scalding, rich amber of his irises melting into you when the thick tips of his fingers prodded your entrance. Kylo watched you, enthralled, as those fingers sunk into you, deeply, wholly, filling you until you writhed around them.

Eager hips lifted from the table, leveraging the stirrups, guiding him that much deeper. He granted your silent wish, grasping one hip and pulling you forward, leading his fingers back and forth, curling them upward and pressing that oh-so-decadent spot in a paced, torturous pattern. You met him with each thrust, slowly rolling your hips, raising your hands to touch and mold your breasts.

A strong thumb found residence over the aching body of your clit, your answering moan unapologetic and entirely too loud. He rolled his hand over and inside you, stroking and filling you so masterfully that you quickly felt the first stirrings of orgasm.

Right when you were poised to cum, you felt it, felt a third finger push into your cunt, the sensation indulgent and overwhelming. It’s like his hand was lodged so full and far in your body that you could feel him in your throat. Kylo continued stroking your nerve as your hands clutched the edges of the exam table, your back arched and head flung back. The room was filled with sounds of sex, the smell of it too, and it all built on what you knew would be a world-shattering release.

“I feel so full, Kylo,” you moaned.

Before he answered, heat crowded your torso, and the brand of his lips burned the line of your breastbone, the hand that filled you never stalling. “You can take more, though.” His nose nudged the base of your breast, his teeth glancing off of the tender tissue. “You can, and you will.”

He didn’t know what he was saying, because there was no way—

“Oh, fuck,” you mewled, throaty and deep, when you felt a fourth finger fill your brimming cunt. “Kylo, there’s… oh, I can feel you… everywhere. You’re everywhere.”

It was no lie, the flow of his four thick, long fingers deep inside your soaked pussy engulfed every nerve you had, and the way his thumb continued to stroke your clit made it so you felt like your soul would float from your body.

But then that thumb left, Kylo moved down the length of your abdomen, kissing and claiming, until you felt his tongue draw against that bundle of nerves. The hand that grasped your hip anchored your writhing body to the table, but the press of his fingers suddenly deepened. Then, just as suddenly, occurring in the very same breath, you felt his thumb join those other four fingers.

A guttural, animal cry born from the deepest depths of your lungs filled the room and shattered against the night-peering transparisteel. His whole hand, fisted and tight, moved against you, filled you unthinkably, and snapped the last coil of sanity that bound your body and soul. His mouth sucked your clit, his tongue striking you with tight, paced licks.

It was all too much, he was too much – his hand, his mouth – your body bowing from the table, legs shaking and sweaty. Every sensation drenched your skin, every shared word blared through your mind, and ecstasy rushed you with a force that rivaled that which precipitated the fall of Starkiller.

Luminous, you were a nebula at the mercy of a black hole. Though you knew the deep pull of him left you broken and breathless, you found yourself surrendering to it, and it called to you just the same. He blazed with darkness while you drowned him with light; in this moment, neither of you could tell where one ended and the other began.

Slowly, the world around you reentered your thoughts. The sound of heavy, breathless pants spilled from your parted lips. A branding heat covered your front, and your hand had at some point come to tangle into Kylo’s hair, scratching the back of his head in idle patterns. There was a slight ache coming from the now vacant space of where he’d just had his hand, but it was pleasant in a way. You opened your eyes, and you couldn’t help your gasp.

The stars were out tonight. They looked so different from when you were in space, far away yet crowding every inch of the evening sky. Clusters twinkled on one end, groups seemingly traveling together. Every so often, as you spent minutes on your back admiring the night’s speckled beauty, a hazy cloud would drift in and out of view. Some were a dusky orange, others a lush violet that cast such complementary shadow over the backdrop of the star-brimming sky.

“The stars are out,” you murmured, melting into the feel of his weight covering you.

Kylo didn’t say anything, but you felt the soft press of his lips dip into your belly. Then lower, and lower. His actions carried no sexual intent, and you soon learned why.

A certain reverence lived in the hand that brushed over the scar etched into your left thigh. Kylo’s thumb swept over the raised, healed lines of his initials, circling the area over and over again. Soon, the warm breath of his exhales grazed the exposed skin, and you gasped when you felt the familiar touch of his lips.

He kissed the flesh there, a kiss of longing, a kiss full of silent… apology? No, not apology. Not sorrow or remorse. It was a kiss of gratitude, and you thought you could hear the soft murmurings of words too quiet to comprehend just as he pressed his lips again to those two precise etchings that would live on you forever.

You lifted your left leg from the stirrup and led it down his back, hooking it around his hips before leading the other in the same path. He looked at you then, and you leaned up and cupped his jaw in your hands before pulling him up and kissing him softly. He held your waist and lowered his head as you moved your mouth against his.

When your hands led down the pane of his abdomen, you broke away from him and held his eyes in your own. Even with so little light, there was something bright about them now, like the smoking embers of a long-burned fire. The scar that cut through his features was healing, you regarded, and you made a mental note to have a physician remove the black-and-white stitching that remained nestled across his cheek.

His eyes narrowed for a second, but he turned away before you could question it. Kylo took your discarded clothes from the floor and helped you redress. His touch was achingly gentle, such a contrast to what you knew he could do to people with the strength imbedded in his soul. Soon the hooks of your bra were met and the light caress of his briefs returned to your hips. You held your arms up as he slid your uniform over your head and onto your waiting body.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Kylo nodded and began gathering his clothes. You slid from the exam table and slipped your shoes on, wandering to the wall of windows and peering out over the city. It was truly magnificent, especially now that it surrounded you with all the life of night buzzing down below. It carried this silent threat that it could swallow you whole if you allowed it.

Then, from the corner of your eye, you spotted what Quynnland had been staring at so intently. It was closer now, and you could see that it was a large, hollow structure. It was a racing track, like you’d thought, but it was enormous. There was movement inside of it, but even squinting you couldn’t quite catch any detail of what was going on.

Warm hands met your shoulders, and you knew he wore his gloves now. “Why are you staring at the fathier track?”

“Fathiers?” you wondered aloud, leaning into him and clasping a hand over one of his.

“Racing creatures that serve as entertainment to the corrupt wealth that live in this city. Impressive beings, really.” He leaned down and his lips caressed the shell of your ear. “What’s interested you with them?”

“I had a patient today. He told me his brother is there. His kid brother.” You swallowed, offput by the memory of how helpless Quynnland had sounded, had appeared as he told you this. “He asked me to get him away from there.”

Kylo tensed behind you, and a long push of breath fogged the side of your neck. “Always trying to save everyone.”

“I won’t get myself killed. I promise.” You sighed, running your hand down the length of his arm. “Did you take that IV out? You should have let me help.”

“I’m healing, not incapacitated.” Kylo took a step back from you and you turned, seeing him waiting for you at the door. “We should get back to the Consulate. I’m sure your shadow has given her report by now.” A half-smirk pulled his mouth up.

“Why does it look like you think that’s a good thing?” You walked over to him and he activated the door, the two of you stepping out and meandering through unfamiliar halls.

“If he suspects that there is something going on between you and I, Hux would likely use that information when he testifies next week. But, to claim you had inappropriate relations with me would force him to publicly acknowledge that all similar relations between any provider and their assignment are inherently inappropriate…”

Kylo pulled open a door and let you pass, the two of you walking toward a transport docking bay stationed at the top of the medical structure. When you stood in front of a familiar transport, he stopped next to you and you watched as the entrance descended to let you in.

Kylo stepped forward, his boots heavy on the ramp, and he turned and looked at you with features gilded in prideful victory. “As much as Armitage Hux dislikes you and hates me, he is an intelligent man. He would never make himself appear so weak by publicly contradicting himself by shaming you for fucking your assignment when he is actively doing the same with his provider.”

He spoke so powerfully, it was like the night around you had quieted to hear him. You took a breath, all the air having seeped from your lungs under the weight of his adamant eyes. “And you’re sure of that?”

Kylo held out a gloved hand, offered it to you before he said, his voice the deepest caress, “Do you trust me?”

In that moment, with the night cloaking you from the city, with the words he’d earlier spoken echoing around your mind, and the touch he’d painted your body with that was altogether yearning and claiming at once, you knew you did. Wholly and completely, and perhaps too much, you trusted him.

So you took his hand, and you looked up at him with the same strength that lived in his eyes, and said, without a single doubt in your mind, or your heart, “Yes, Kylo. I trust you.”

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren smut #kylo ren imagine #smut #fluff #angst #st kyp #keeping your promise

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scornedlove · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter Sixteen

CHRIS

“Thanks for coming down to help out Chris. This wouldn’t have been as great without you” Romero commended, shaking my hand. Romero was a fellow artist who just started a nonprofit organization of his own for children with developmental disorders, Best Buddies International.

I flew out to Miami, Florida a couple of days ago and we worked nonstop to create a graffiti mural and a few portraits, which would be auctioned with proceeds going to both Best Buddies and Symphonic Love. It was a lot of work, but I had a lot of fun, and the kids were ecstatic. I enjoyed keeping up with their energy and couldn’t wait for our next event.

“Anytime man, I love helping out when it comes to the kids. I learned a lot from you too, maybe you can come down and collab on something with me next time”

“All I need is a date” he quickly agreed.

After finishing up with Romero, I went straight to the airport. I had the next couple of days to myself, so I couldn’t wait to get home to relax. A friend of mine, has been staying at my house for the past couple of weeks and I've been feeling bad for not being there. I had Tina let him in and hadn’t been there since he arrived.

Anthony and I go way back. We were neighbors for several years when I lived in Virginia. His mom moved to Houston, Texas when he was fifteen to get away from his abusive father and I hadn’t seen him since. We reconnected through social media a couple of years ago and check on each other every now and then.

He recently started having issues with his mom. She wants him to get a job, but he’s been trying to follow his dream of becoming a singer, so when he hit me up asking for a place to crash, I welcomed him with open arms. I know what it’s like to chase your dreams and it’s definitely not easy.

“Finally home” I sighed, six hours later as I kicked off my shoes. Since we launched Symphonic Love, business opportunities have been coming left and right, so the past few weeks have been crazy. On top of that, I sold my house and moved into a Hollywood Hills home. Even though I had initially planned to downsize, Nicki found me a place with a good price that was just as big as the old place and even more luxurious. The best part is that it’s closer to both galleries and my studio.

With all the traveling I had been doing, I hadn’t even had the chance to enjoy my new house. That ends tonight. I thought to myself as I headed straight to the kitchen for a glass of whiskey.

“I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow” Anthony shrieked, as he and Ryan scrambled to gather their clothes off the ground.

“Please don’t tell me ya’ll fuckin on my counter!” I groaned. “I have two big ass guest beds and ya’ll chose my damn kitchen counter?”

“I’m sorry Chris. We didn’t mean to. I mean- it just sorta happened” Ryan stammered trying to explain and keep her breasts covered at the same time.

I walked out, just as quickly as I walked in. I was pissed off at the disrespect and had to leave the room before I said something I would regret.

I took a shower, then smoked a blunt to myself while Diamond played with the new chew toy I got her from the airport gift shop. She was cute and I couldn’t help but laugh as she ran in circles and barked at it. I recorded it and sent it to Mama, since she had been asking about her the whole time I was gone. As soon as I put my phone down, it rang.

“Hello” I answered, as Diamond jumped up and ran out, startled from the music.

“Hey Chris” Lashontae’s voice smiled through the phone. Since the tour I gave her at CB Fine Arts, we've been talking a couple times a week.

She's a hair stylist with her own salon, loves art and music as much as I do, plus she's really down to earth and funny. I didn't even realize how much I missed having good conversation with a woman.

“Hey Tae, what’s up” I asked, getting comfortable on the bed.

“Not much, I’m in town this week. I know you always have so much going on, but I was hoping to link up tomorrow”

“I guess you have good timing because I’m free tomorrow, we can make that happen.”

"Cool, I have to find a DJ for the wedding. I have a couple of appointments booked, and I was hoping you wouldn't mind helping me out"

"Of course not, you know music is my forte. Are you at Trey's right now?" I asked being nosy.

"Yeah, I would've got a room, but Lala and I had so much to do to get this planning done, plus the first appointment is at nine in the morning, so I figured I better just stay here. "

"Ok, I'll be there bright and early" I promised before we said our goodbyes. I don't know why I was feeling giddy but I was looking forward to chilling with Tae again. Robyn stood me up on her birthday so I finally threw the towel in. I will always love her and have love for her but I miss having someone to come home to.

"Chris, I really hope you know I didn't mean any disrespect" Anthony stated as soon as I walked in the kitchen the next morning. He was eating in the same spot Ryan had her ass on last night.

"That was foul... just don't do it again" I replied, pouring that shot of whiskey I was going for last night. "You want some?"

"This early? Yeah, I'll take one." He shrugged. "I really appreciate you letting me stay here, and Tina's been a lot of help"

"but not as much as Ryan huh?" I teased.

"ok, you got me" he chuckled.

"It's really good to see you man, it's been forever. How have you been ?" I asked changing the subject.

"The truth? Horrible. I've been dealing with some crazy shit. Between my mama and trying to get this music off the ground, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind" he admitted.

"Well you don't have nothing to worry about. You're welcome to stay as long as you need. I 've been where you are and I want you to know I got your back bro" I reassured him.

"Thanks man, enough about me. Look at you. You doing big things. I can't even get a hold of you, I got to book appointments and shit" he joked.

"It's been far from easy and a long journey, but definitely worth it."

"I bet. The last time we actually 'talked', you were planning on proposing to your girl...what happened with that?"

"I fucked it up. That's a long story that I'm not even about to get into, I'll have you here all day, and I have somewhere to be" I chuckled.

"Yeah, I don't have the time for a chick nowadays either" he replied.

"What do you call Ryan then?"

"That doesn't even count. She stopped by to see you and we started talking, then she wanted to hit the blunt I was smoking, and the next thing I knew, you were walking in on us. She said y'all were just friends though. She wasn't lying, was she?"

"Nah, we're just friends. I won't lie though, we fucked a couple times."

"Wow. So, shorty just lied to my face. See that's why I'm single" he shrugged and we both laughed.

"What you been doing these past couple of weeks, have you been getting shit done or just getting familiar with your surroundings?"

"Man, I'm serious about this shit. I've been at a different club every night since I got here, except last night. I ran into Trinidad James the other night. I don't know if you heard of him, but he's this new rapper that's hot right now. I gave him some of my work and he already hit me up. I'm supposed to be meeting with some people at his label tomorrow" he grinned happily.

"Already? I'm proud of you man you getting out there and gettin it, not wasting any time. That's what's up" I nodded while we bumped fists.

"Yeah man, so what you got up for today?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't tell you Trey is getting married. I'm his best man, so me and the maid of honor are helping out with some wedding stuff today"

"Oh ok" he replied just as my phone rang.

“That’s her now. I gotta get going” I stated, grabbing my keys and heading out.

"Thanks for your help today” Tae smiled after we walked out of our final meeting. The first DJ was way out of the budget, the second one was affordable, but wasn’t what we were looking for style wise, and the third DJ was perfect. He was experienced, knew exactly what we were looking for, plus his pricing wasn’t ridiculous.

“No problem. I really enjoy hanging with you” I smiled, holding the passenger door open for her.

“You’re kinda cool too” she winked. “Do you mind taking me to get some food before dropping me off? I’m starving!”

“Of course not. Where do you want to go?” I asked once we were both settled.

“Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s Mexican food”

She wasn’t familiar with anything here, so I decided to take her to my go to Mexican restaurant. Lucky for me, we beat the lunch rush.

“I have a question” she announced, after we placed our order and the waitress was gone. “I don’t mean to pry, but you seem like the total package. You have yourself together professionally, financially, you’re a gentleman, you pull out chairs and use manners, and you’re sexy as fuck. So, tell me: Why are you single?”

“Well thanks for the flattery, but everyone has their flaws. In my last relationship, I could’ve been a better man. I made poor decisions and didn’t think about how my ex would react when she found out, because I never considered her finding out to begin with”

“So basically, you cheated?” she asked bluntly.

“Well, there’s more to the story than that, but yes. That’s what it pretty much boils down to” I confessed.

“How many women are you dating now?” she asked curiously.

“None. She was a big deal; we were engaged and she left the night before our wedding. It’s been a year now, since she left.”

“So, what’s the deal with that? Are you waiting on her to come back or something?”

“No, I’ve tried over and over to reach out to her, but it didn’t work out in my favor. I’ve moved past it now. Enough about me. Why are you single? How many men are you dating?” I asked changing the subject.

“Well, I was engaged too. He died three years ago in a car wreck. I haven’t really dated anyone since” She shrugged.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that”

“I’ve come to terms with it. It was hard, but I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad about it forever. He was the love of my life and the two years we spent together were the best two years of my life” she smiled slightly, obviously reminiscing.

“Mmmm. This is amazing. Definitely the best torta I’ve ever had” she stated, licking her lips seductively.

“So how did you end up in the hair industry? Has it always been your dream?” I asked after devouring a couple of tacos.

“Not really. I was just really good at it, so I decided to go ahead and get my license. That was definitely the best decision of my life, because now I have my own prosperous salon. What about you? Has art always been your dream?”

“Nah, it was my back up plan. Basketball was my dream. I had a scholarship and everything, but I ended up in the middle of a domestic issue and it cost me my dream”

“Well, everything happens for a reason. Look at you now.”

“How did you become such a fan of my art?” I asked curiously.

“My father was an art fanatic, so it just kind of rubbed off on me. Trey and Lala have quite a few of your pieces. I came to visit one weekend and I fell in love with a couple of paintings so I practically begged for them. I paid for them, but Trey really didn’t want to let them go. It’s sweet how much he really supports you”

“That’s my brother from another mother. We’ve been best friends for over a decade now” I smiled. “I have an art exhibition coming up in the next few weeks, I would love for you to come.

“Oh, I’m there. You don’t even have to say it twice, just send me the info” she grinned excitedly. We sat and talked well over an hour and could’ve stayed for another hour, but they were super busy during their lunch rush so we headed to Trey’s.

“I hear you guys are really clicking” Lala grinned. “I’m gonna give you a heads up, Tae is super independent and doesn’t like it when men tell her how to do things. She can be stubborn sometimes, and tend to push people away when they’re getting ‘too close’, but I’m sure it’s because she lost Brandon a couple of years ago. She hasn’t had a real relationship since, but I think you guys are perfect for each other. Just take your time”

“Thanks for the advice. How’s the wedding planning going?” I asked changing the subject. “Have ya’ll picked a date?”

“August 31st. That gives ya’ll plenty of time to get to know each other. You never know, it could be a double wedding” she teased.

“You and Trey are something else” I laughed. “Ya’ll swear ya’ll some matchmakers”

“I know right” Tae laughed, coming back from the restroom. “They stay trying to hook us up. We got this Lala, we don’t need no help” she winked in my direction.

“So, when are you heading back to Houston?”

“Tonight. I gotta get back to business, but I will be back for that exhibition. Don’t forget to send me the info so I can make arrangements asap”

“I’m doing that now” I replied, pulling out my phone and forwarding an email to her. “Done”

“Cool. I can’t wait” she smiled widely and leaned in for a hug. She smelled so good, I didn’t want to let go, and I had to focus to keep my manhood from jumping up and scaring her.

“Thank you soooo much for dropping everything to come over. There’s been so much going on, I just needed some normalcy” Nicki sighed plopping on the couch.

“What’s going on?”

“The wedding is less than two months away and I’m just scared. Sam is constantly on the road. How is this supposed to work?”

“What do you mean? The same way it’s been working. Ya’ll have been together forever, why is his job bothering you now?”

“Because of this” she sighed, tossing a small ziploc bag on the counter. There was a little white plastic stick with a blue positive sign.

“Wait, you’re pregnant?”

“I just found out today. I don’t want kids like this Chris. I want to be married. I want my child to have both parents present, not in and out. I can’t do this by myself” she cried.

“First of all, you will never have to do it by yourself. What do you think family is for? Blood couldn’t make us any closer.”

“I know that. It’s just....this wasn’t in the plan, not yet.”

“Well sometimes the plan isn’t what you envisioned. That doesn’t mean it can’t be as beautiful or even better”

“You’re right” she smiled, relaxing a little bit. “I just wasn’t expecting this to happen to me. We’ve been so careful”

“Well usually the best blessings come unexpectedly” I smiled poking her stomach. “You’re about to be somebody’s mommy”

“Ugh. You always bring the good to light in any situation. You’re looking good too, and you haven’t stopped smiling since you walked in the door. Spill it. You and Robyn back together?”

“I wish. I mean, no. I don’t know what happened. We talked on her birthday, made plans, and she stood me up. I’m done with that, I can’t hold on to the past forever. I met someone though. Her name is Tae, it’s new and I don’t want to jinx it, but I think she might be a good one”

“Awww, if she has you smiling like that, she must be a good one. I haven’t seen you with a ‘happy’ smile in so long, bro. You deserve to be happy again. Everyone makes mistakes, that doesn’t mean you have to bask in them for the rest of your life. Well, I guess this means you have a date for the wedding” she added.

“I told you it’s still new. We’re just kicking it and getting to know each other.”

“Well, I hope she’s still around by then. I’d love to meet her” she added. “Oh and another thing. I was really hoping you could be the one to walk me down the aisle”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I don’t know where I would be if I never met you. You don’t even understand how much you’ve influenced my life. I would not be where I am without you, that’s a fact” she smiled as her eyes began to water.

“Awww, don’t cry. Of course, I got you. I will always be here for you, and that big head baby you’re gonna have” I grinned, giving her a bear hug. “Now get yo ass on the phone and tell that man he has a baby on the way, so he can start getting things in order. I know he’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, besides I’ll make sure of it”

#ff #fanfiction #chris brown #fanfic #chris breezy #breezy #cbreezy

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blackrosesfanfic · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter 180

Chris

"I'm not sure what's going on." I shrug.

"How can you not know about your own life, Christopher?" Cammie snaps.

I chuckle. Trey told me to leave her alone. I forgot. Just that fast I remember and move away from her. She rolls her eyes at me as I walk away. I don't even remember what we were talking about before she got upset. I don't need her conversation. There's plenty of people to talk to.

"Want to spike the punch?"

"With water I'm hoping." Sevyn snaps looking me up and down.

I look around the room. "Are you and Cammie programmed to have the same attitudes?"

"No. You aren't supposed to be drinking. You are at a family oriented event. Plus there are kids currently at the fountain drinking punch."

"Chill. It was a joke."

"A bad one."

I sigh and change the subject. "Shall we talk about how fucking dope this party is?"

She crosses her arms. "I mean shit. Who the fuck does Disney think they are revealing? I'm like damn. I know that ice waterfall is expensive as hell."

"You being a hater?" I say kissing her cheek.

"Girl." MiMi says walking up. "Like who the fuck is Caden?"

Amber spins around looking at MiMi. "Okay. I just said that."

"They got real fucking plants, animals, and shit."

"Maybe Cammie fucked Walt Disney and that's really his baby."

I scrunch up my face. "Maybe Caden was born premature and they feel like they need to give some encouragement."

They both look at me. MiMi speaks. "The one time we need you not to speak positive you fucking open your mouth. Bitch shut up."

"Clearly we hating." Amber says then they both walk away.

"Shit." I say out loud to myself.

I go sit down next to the oversized ugly monkey. A few seconds later Lane comes over to me. He punches the monkey then looks at me. I ignore him. He stares like I'm bothering the monkey or some shit. I turn and look at him.

"What, Bitch?" he says.

"Nigga." I laugh then push his chest.

He wipes his chest off. "No touch me. This you mama."

I look at him. "Huh?"

"This you mama." he pointing at the monkey.

"Nigga that's yo mama." I laugh.

Lane keeps a straight face. "Kiss yo mama, Chris."

"Oh this little boy got jokes." I say shaking my head.

"Chris, you see that tiger? I touch it."

I look away from him. "I ain't talking to you."

"Punk." he says. "You mama this orangutan."

"Orangutan? Nigga you can't even pronounce your daddy name right but you say orangutan."

He raises his eyebrows. "You look like you mama."

I put my head on my knees laughing. Oh shit. This bad ass little boy. I look at him. He is smiling at me devilishly. This nigga only 2 the fuck he mean I look like my mama? Damn, I should have recorded him. Nobody going to believe me.

"Lane, your mama wants you." Trey says coming up.

"Yo, your son fucking talks too good for 2."

Trey nods. "Yeah. What he say to you?"

"That the monkey my mama." I cut my eyes at Trey. He laughed too hard. "Then he repeated it saying my mama was the orangutan. That wasn't enough so he said I look like my mama."

"Shut the fuck up." Trey laughs holding his stomach. "Did he really?"

I shrug. "Why would I lie?"

Trey turns and walks away. "Cammie got him saying orangutan."

"He bad."

"Yeah." Trey nods walking through the tables to Cammie.

Amber comes up. "Hey, sexy."

"Me or my mama?" I say pointing to the monkey.

"What?" she laughs.

"That's what Lane says."

She laughs then sits on my lap. "Cammie says we need to stop fucking hating. There is a table with little bear shaped sandwiches and honey combs. You know like the real bee honeycomb. Cute fucking party. Want to find a bathroom and act like we Adam and Eve after they found out what sex was?"

"What?"

"No?" she says standing up.

I stand up. "Yes."

She walks to the waterfall where MiMi was. MiMi pushes her away from her. They share a laugh then Amber comes back to me.

"MiMi wasn't down with watching."

"You did not ask her that."

Amber smiles walking away. "I swear I did. Follow me."

We walk pass an area with a mini bouncy house. King and Saint were the only ones playing on it. What the hell is Saint doing here? I look back behind me. I didn't see Kim or Kanye here.

"Oh my gosh."

"My bad." I say turning around.

We walk out into the hall. I grab her hugging her close to me. Getting mad cause she wants the dick and it's being delayed. I pull us back as she tries to walk forward. Get even more mad and heated. I beg you. She stops walking realizing I was winning. I let her go then walk forward into her. She spins around hitting me. I kiss her cheek hitting my lip.

"Shit."

"Oh good. Now you can't eat pussy for 24 hours."

I laugh. "Everyone think they funny today. Ain't shit funny."

"Right, Mr. CB." she says pulling me in another direction.

"You look sexy as hell in this dress."

"I'm not wearing anything under it." She smirks.

I start feeling on her for some. "Why not, my love?"

"Doesn't go with the outfit." she shrugs.

She dead ass serious and I'm hard ass fuck. I look around the bathroom. Cammie and Lane stop drying their hands at the same time and look at us. I smile.

"What the hell y'all doing in here?"

"They use the bathroom." Lane says throwing his paper towel away.

Cammie looks at him. "Thank you, Lane."

He giggles. "You welcome, Mommy."

"It's too crowded in here." Cammie says grabbing Lane's hand. "This is for one person. Nasty."

"You gonna touch the tiger, Mommy."

Cammie sucks her teeth. "Boy, no."

Trey

Lane makes sure that he is the center of attention. In public he does it in a terrible way. He is demanding and cranky. At home he is wild and free. I can't deal with him and his mother. Luckily she is dealing with him. She is also dealing with her own attitude. We cut guest holding Caden short. He doesn't like going from arm to arm. Cammie says that it's the different smells. I think she is okay with nobody touching him.

"How much longer is this party?" Cammie says when I come near.

"You are the one with the schedule."

"I'm wondering why these people took the time out of their busy lives to come see my baby. What is so important about a baby? Is it just the chance to... Oh shit. Trey."

I lean down to her. "You okay, Jay?"

She smiles extra hard. It's Michelle Obama and Malia. "Hello."

"Glad I made it. This is nice."

"You just took this party to the next level." I say. "Meet Caden Elijah."

She smiles. "Awh, Lee, look at him? May I?"

Cammie stands up extra anxious. "Yes, go ahead."

"Handsome." she smiles while there are hundreds of cameras flashing and such. "Hello, Caden."

"He is cute." Malia says leaning into Michelle to see Caden.

I smile. "He being good for you. He has been mistreating everyone else. Nobody could hold him this long."

"He knows how to be a gentleman." Michelle says then look around. "Where is my buddy Lane?"

"He will not stop asking people to take him to the tiger. It's real." Cammie says pointing.

Malia turns and walks away. "No way."

"I prayed for this little guy during his hospital stay. I was thrilled to get the invitation to his reveal party. Such a cute idea. I want to hold him for hours. He is so adorable and well behaved." She gives him back to Cammie. "I know he is still new to the world. I won't hold him too long with my world germs."

"Thank you for coming." Cammie says.

I take Caden as Cammie hands him to me. He opens his eyes looking at me. In a way this party is too over the top. They have a $1000 blanket with me and the family on it. How did you get a blanket to cost so much? Must be imported or some shit. Too much. I rock Caden. He starts quivering his bottom lip. Oh Cammie better take him back. I put his pacifier in his mouth. He stares at me for a few seconds before he starts sucking it. Damn, I'm going to have two Lane's running around. The world is not ready.

"Look at these goodies." MiMi says with a washcloth.

"You carrying around shit in a washcloth?" I snap hitting her forehead.

She cuts her eyes at me then look at Caden. "Bitch, you better be glad."

"What is that?" Cammie asks.

"I was walking Forever My First Lady to the bathroom and I saw that they set up a table by the door with these."

She opens the washcloth out. There was candy in it, a piece of paper, a golden ticket, and a box. I grab the paper. It's a thank you note. The ticket was to a premiere of the Jungle Book Movie. I reach for the box but MiMi picks it up.

"It's mine so don't touch."

"What is it girl?" I snap.

She opens it. "It's mine."

I reach for it. She snaps the box closed and moves away. It was a beautiful locket with Caden's picture in it. I couldn't see if it was on a necklace or not. MiMi's ass wasn't letting me see the damn thing. Just so happen Natalie walks her happy ass pass me.

"Aye, come here. Get me one of those party things."

"The little storks with the baby?"

I nod. "If that's what it is."

"They are watching the table. You can only get one going out."

"Why?"

She shrugs. "We tried to get one. They were like are you coming back in? If so wait."

I look at MiMi. "You thief how did you get that?"

"She has one?" Natalie snaps. "Me and Teyana were trying to get one. Where is TeeTee?"

"You snitching." MiMi says grabbing her washcloth with the stuff in it.

"You camera ready?" CiCi asks walking up to us. "They want to give you a gift. Cammie you ready?"

Of course Cammie has an attitude. "We been on camera all day. What else is there to take a picture of? Like how many times you need a picture?"

"Jay, chill. We ready." I moving to her like I'm giving her Caden. "You need a quick reminder of your attitude?"

"What?"

I kiss her. "Just kidding, Jay."

A guy that works with Cammie comes up. He nods his head at her smiling too fucking hard. Motherfucker. I'm about to act out now. The fuck wrong with this white man? They love marveling over our black women. I start to say something but he moves on. He stands to the side of me and turn to the crowd.

"What a lovely family, right? Thank you all for attending this very special moment. I like to give a special thanks on behalf of Disney to the Neverson family for allowing us all to be a part of their special moment. Also on the behalf of Disney I would like to present you with this gift. As well as the beautiful family blanket hanging up and the numerous stuffed animals around the room. I'm sure Lane would love that as he has been beating them up all day."

"No say my name." Lane whispers. "Daniel."

He hears Lane say his name and look back. "As you leave be sure to grab a party favor with a special gift from Disney. Thank you again and welcome to the Disney family, Caden Elijah."

"Daniel, don't say my brother."

"Lane, would you like to say something?" he asks Lane.

Lane comes from behind Cammie and take the mic. What? I look at Cammie. Lane doesn't do anything publicly. There is no way he is about to step in front of the crowd and talk about something. What got into him?

"Hey, tiger." Lane says.

"Lane say thank you." Cammie giggles.

Lane smiles. "Thank you, tiger."

I laugh. He only wants to talk to the tiger and ignore all the people looking at him. I take the mic away from him. This boy does stuff everyday that surprises me. Like him knowing Daniel's name when I didn't remember it. Daniel has not been here long enough to talk to Lane. Daniel sits a huge basket down on a table that someone brings up.

"Thank you all for everything. The support and gifts that you gave during the rough start of Caden's life. We want to see the same turn out this summer at the epic birthday party for Lane. Same effort Daniel." I say.

He smiles then starts clapping. Caden wasn't liking that at all. I put the mic down then try to calm him down. He does for a few seconds. Cammie takes him from me.

"I'm going to feed him okay?" she says then starts kissing him. "Mommy knows. Okay. I know."

"What do Mommy say?" Lane asks me tapping my leg.

I look at him. "Bruh, you so far down there. Mommy said she going to feed Caden. Lane, you get to take the monkey home."

"The orangutan." he says like I'm stupid.

"Yeah."

He gets excited. "I go get it."

"Let me see that." I chuckle as he runs off. That thing is twice his height. "MiMi, you a bitch."

"Tremaine, you a fucking phoney ass wanna be Bryson Tiller."

Damn. I turn my back to her. She played the shit out of me. There's nothing I can call her ass to top that. I start looking though the basket. There were a few stuffed animals with Caden's name on them. There was also cookies, candy, and ribbons. It had a booklet of different premiere dates and showtimes that we could attend. I left up a bear. There's a cube with different pictures of Caden. Some of them were the pictures from the book that the doctor gave us. Others were of today. I take out another box that is about the same size as the photo box. I open it and get light headed. They about to make me cry in this bitch. A watch. No not just a watch. A fucking Mille Miglia. Fuck.

"You brought a watch?" Cammie says touching my arm. "Why are you looking at it like that?"

"I didn't buy this." I say staring at it.

She kisses my cheek. "You don't have a Mille like that."

I look at her. "How you know what it is?"

"Tremaine, I know all your dirty secrets. Who gave that to you?"

"Disney. In the box." I say closing it then opening it.

"And what does the mother of your child have?"

I make a face at her. "I did all the work."

"Shut up. Look through the thing."

I go back into the basket. There's another heavier box. I open it and smile. Cammie moves closer. I hand her the box then take Caden out of her arms. Inside the box is a gold elephant with two baby elephants at her feet. The mother was decorated with diamonds. I pick up the card.

"It says that it's handmade by some French name." I say.

"Look at this?" she says pulling something out of the basket. "How cute is this?"

I make a face at it. She giggles then hits me.

"Tremaine, it's a baby carrier and a baby bag for you."

"That looks like a bullet proof vest?"

She sits it beside the basket then take some candy out. "It's cute."

I kiss her lips. Her nasty ass pushing her candy into my mouth. I poke her side then take the candy out my mouth.

"Nasty ass."

"You only say that because we fully clothed. No nasty?"

I turn away from her. "Shut up, yo."

She touches my neck. "Eww."

"Jayla, leave me alone."

"All the way alone or a little bit alone? Like how much?"

I step away from her. "This much alone."

She laughs. "Okay, fine. Hey, over there."

I look back at her. She is talking to April. April waves at Cammie then keeps talking to some lady. I shake my head. They fake as shit. I don't know what I would do if they didn't get along majority of the time. I turn around walking up to Cammie and kissing her cheek. She puts her hands on my chest then push me away. I look down at Caden in my arms. He was blinking slow doing to sleep.

"Caden did good. Right?" I say to Cammie.

"5 seconds. You couldn't stay over there mad for 5 seconds?"

"It was more than that."

Cammie giggles. "Okay. Yes he did do good."

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