#well i suppose it adds something to someones paycheque

[onthegreatsea]

y'know i've always said, i've always said, that Silent Hill 2 would be a much greater game, a much more compelling piece of art, if only i could spend 90% of it staring at the back of James' plain green jacket.

remakes are truely a magical thing; able to grant the wishes of even the most lowly of us!

no longer are we bound by the technical constraints of the playstation 2 and its pitiful hardware. now we can finally spend our time focusing on what matters; standardised third person camera controls with none of that outdated 'intentional composition' bullshit.

gosh and the hyper realistic graphics! what a joy! what an objective improvement! these graphics will surely not age a day and are obviously worth the huge investment of time and money they require to vaguely recreate something the world already experienced 20 years ago! i mean you can see his pores now! his pores!

surely in another 20 years time we will all look back at this piece of art as the definitive realisation of the original artists intentions. gosh i love the games industry. what a grand place

[halfagod]

girl help why am i still writing this. anyway here's part 2, in which brienne falls victim to the free luas movement

“Ticket?”

Brienne jumps at the sudden loud voice. She turns to see a very large and serious-looking ticket inspector standing behind her on the crowded Luas, and her heart drops.

“You need a ticket?” she asks, realising as she says it just how stupid she sounds.

The ticket inspector just raises an eyebrow.

“I thought...” Brienne’s cheeks burn. “I thought it was free.”

The inspector glares at her, clearly thinking she’s joking, and it dawns on her that all that stuff she’d seen on Twitter about the Luas being free must have been just that: a joke.

How could she have been so stupid?

“You know there’s a fine for not paying your Luas fare,” the inspector informs her, severely. “What’s your name?”

A fine. Brienne wants to cry. Whatever it is, she knows she can’t afford it. She has yet to receive her first paycheque from Cat, and the deposit and rent for her new place had taken a hefty chunk out of her minimal savings.

Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not her fault,” says a smooth, familiar voice, and Brienne turns to see the man from the bus.

She blinks several times to make sure he’s not imagining him, but no, there he is. That annoying, obnoxious, beautiful D4 guy she’d thought she’d never see again is standing behind her, hand on her shoulder, smiling at the ticket inspector.

“She’s a tourist,” Jaime (isn’t that his name?) tells the inspector. “From Iceland. I bumped her into last week on the bus. She can barely even speak English. I think you can let her off this once, can’t you?” His tone is friendly, but he speaks like someone who is used to being obeyed.

The inspector raises an eyebrow. “An Icelandic tourist with an Irish accent? That’s a new one.”

“To the untrained ear, the Icelandic accent can often sound Irish.”

“Who are you, anyway?”

Jaime smiles again. “Jaime Lannister.”

The ticket inspector falters. “Oh.” He glances between them, suddenly uncertain. “Well... I suppose just this once I can look the other way. But it won’t happen again. You need to get yourself a Leap Card, do you understand?” he tells Brienne firmly.

Brienne nods, mortified. She’s been meaning to do that since she moved here, but she hasn’t gotten around to it.

“All right, then,” says the ticket inspector, and moves away.

Brienne turns to Jaime, still trying to process the fact that this complete stranger from the bus last week has saved her on public transport again. “Why did you that?”

Jaime smiles. “I assume you meant to say thank you. You’re welcome, culchie.”

“Thank you,” she says reluctantly. “But don’t call me culchie.”

“What am I supposed to call you? You never told me your name.”

“It’s Brienne,” she admits. “Brienne O’Tarth.”

His smile widens. “Finally. Nice to meet you, Brienne.”

“Who are you?” she asks. “Are you famous or something?” She has never heard the name Jaime Lannister before, but it had certainly seemed to mean something to the ticket inspector.

“Something like that. Have you heard of Cersei Lannister, the TD?”

“The Taoiseach’s wife?”

Jaime’s face darkens. “Yeah. She’s my twin sister.”

“Oh.” Brienne doesn’t know much about Cersei Lannister, apart from the fact that she’s very glamorous and very centrist. She has a vague notion that she’s heard about their father, too – he’s some big property developer or something. The Lannisters are a wealthy family, that she knows for sure. She supposes it makes sense that the ticket inspector wouldn’t want to cross Jaime.

“I was also on the Leinster rugby team,” Jaime adds, almost as an afterthought. “Once upon a time.”

“Oh,” she repeats. Brienne does not follow rugby – hers had been a GAA-only household growing up – but she knows that’s a big deal.

She feels suddenly uncomfortable. This man is not only posh and rich and ridiculously handsome, but also powerful and well-connected, and now he has twice seen her in embarrassing situations on public transport. As grudgingly grateful as she is to him for saving her from the fine, this is not the kind of person she has any business being around.

With that in mind, she is about to get off before her stop when she is hit with sudden curiosity. “Why are you always on public transport?” she can’t help but ask. “Shouldn’t you have a chauffeur or something?”

The corner of Jaime’s mouth quirks up. “I’m the Taoiseach’s brother-in-law, not the Taoiseach. And even he gets the Luas from time to time. But if you must know... I had my driver’s licence taken away from me recently. Got in an accident. It happens to the best of us.”

Brienne feels her previous dislike returning. He was probably drunk and hit some poor person with his BMW. “This is my stop,” she says coolly. “Thanks again.”

She starts to move away, but he catches her arm. She looks down at his hand, his strong tanned fingers pressing the inside of her elbow through the thin fabric of her anorak, and feels herself blush against her will. His hand is warm.

“Here,” he says, letting go of her, and hands her a business card from his jacket pocket. Lannister Properties, it says in gold across the top, followed by his name in smaller lettering and a phone number. “If you ever get in trouble on public transport again, and I’m not there to be your knight in shining armour, just give me a call. You seem like you could use the help.” He winks.

Her blush deepens. “I’ll be fine,” she mutters, rolling her eyes. “I’m getting a Leap Card. I just... I’m not used to all of this. I’m from the Aran Islands.”

Jaime’s eyes widen. “Wow. You’re a real culchie, then.”

“I went to college in Galway,” she says defensively. “That’s a city.”

Jaime’s smile turns patronising. “Anyone from outside of Dublin is a culchie, sweetling.”

Incensed, she is about to ask him if he has ever actually left Dublin when the Luas doors start to close, and she has to run to get off.

“I mean it,” he calls after her. “If you need help, call me. I’m genuinely worried about you.”

Safely on the platform, she shoves his business card into her tote bag and rolls her eyes.

She’s halfway through the twenty-minute walk to her destination (which would have been significantly shorter had she gotten off at the right stop) when a strange thought occurs to her. Was he flirting with me?

It’s a bizarre idea that she immediately discounts, somewhat embarrassed to have even considered it. Jaime Lannister is gorgeous, rich, and from one of the most powerful families in the country, and she is an ugly, poor twenty-two-year-old from the Aran Islands with an entry-level job. He had been mocking her, that was all. Just making fun of the clueless rube who thought the Luas was free. She should just throw his business card away.

And yet, for reasons she doesn’t quite understand, she keeps it.

to the 3 people who said they wanted to read my irish jb au, it's your lucky day! btw jaime is wearing a slim fit hand-fitted hugo boss suit iykyk

Brienne squints at the digital display on the bus stop sign, palms sweating. Her bus will be here in six minutes, it tells her. For the fifth time, she checks Google Maps just to make sure it’s the right one – the H1 towards Baldoyle. Yes, she is at the right stop. The last time she’d tried this, she’d gone to the wrong side of the road. But this time, she’s done everything right, she’s sure of it.

She exhales, relaxing a little, only to have to jump suddenly to the side to avoid being hit by two young teenage boys careening down the footpath on a scooter. They look over their shoulders to jeer at her as they pass.

Brienne suddenly feels very homesick for Inis Oírr.

She glances back at the bus sign, and frowns. The H1 towards Baldoyle is no longer anywhere to be seen on the sign. Behind her, she hears two elderly ladies tutting.

“Gone again,” one of them says. “Typical.”

“Honest to God, Bríd,” says the other one. “We’ll be waiting twenty minutes now for the next one.”

Brienne stares at the sign, not understanding. It was supposed to be six minutes away. Where could it have gone?

At least she’s not in a rush – she’s only going home from work – but she’s exhausted from her first day and wants nothing more than dinner and bed. She sighs. If she has to wait, she may as well call her father.

She digs her phone out of her pocket, hoping he has signal. It can be very patchy out on the island, but she had never minded that when she lived there.

“Haigh,” she says, when he answers in his customary gruff fashion. The sound of his voice sends another wave of homesickness through her. “Cén chaoi ina bhfuil tú?” How are you?

“Maith go leor,” he says. All right. “Agus tusa? Conas a bhí do chéad lá?” How was your first day?

“Maith go leor,” she echoes. She tells him about her new boss, Catelyn, a kind woman from up north who had recently moved to Dublin after losing her husband. She had hired Brienne to help market her new handmade jewellery business, Abhainn.

It’s Brienne’s first proper job out of college, and secretly she is terrifed of letting Catelyn down. Apart from Catelyn’s daughter Sansa, who helps Catelyn out with social media from time to time, Brienne is the sole person on the marketing team, and she can’t help but feel the pressure.

“Ná cuir an iomarca brú ort féin,” her father tells her, as if he’d read her mind. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. “Béidh tú go hiontach.” You’ll be great.

To her surprise, Brienne feels tears well up in her eyes, and chides herself. She’s just tired and a bit homesick, that’s all. There’s nothing to cry about.

Suddenly, she sees the H1 bus loom around the corner. Miraculously, it has come on time after all. Relieved, she bids her father a hasty goodbye and sticks her hand out to hail it.

She lets the old ladies board first, pulling a crisp tenner out of her purse as she waits. Suddenly, she hears a voice from behind her. A male voice, lazy and amused, with a South Dublin drawl. “They don’t give change, you know.”

Brienne turns, startled, and sees the most handsome man she’s ever seen in her life.

He is older than her, in his early thirties probably, wearing a suit that looks expensive. He has tanned skin, flashing green eyes, and curly hair the colour of beaten gold. His smile is sharp and perfect, revealing a mouthful of gleaming white teeth. He looks like he should be on a beach in Australia, or on the catwalk at Paris Fashion Week, not in Dublin about to get on the H1 to Baldoyle.

“What?” she says stupidly, both flustered that the most handsome man in the world is talking to her and panicked by the information he has just imparted.

The bus driver clears his throat impatiently; it’s her turn to pay. Before she can decide what to do, the most handsome man in the world hands the bus driver a tenner of his own.

“For both of us,” he says, nodding towards Brienne.

The bus door closes behind them, and the bus jolts forward at a speed Brienne had not been prepared for. She catapults backwards, and the handsome man catches her, strong arms wrapping around her. He smells of expensive cologne. She feels a flutter in her belly; she has seldom been this close to a man, and never one this beautiful.

“Wow,” he says, still amused, his voice low in her ear. Even with that accent, it’s an undeniably sexy voice. “You’ve really never been on a Dublin bus before, have you?”

She struggles out of his grip, mortified, and grabs a handrail. He looks her up and down, that cutting smile still on his face, and she is suddenly very aware of the fact that she’s wearing a Penney’s jumper and a shabby green anorak.

Her embarrassment turns to anger. She does not need to be made fun of by some posh, rich South Dubliner who has probably never had to work for anything in his life. She mutters, “Thank you,” shoves her tenner into his hand, and wobbles down the aisle to find a seat, holding on to the handrails as she goes.

To her consternation, the man follows her. “I didn’t mean any offence,” he says lightly, sitting down beside her when she takes a seat. “Where are you from? What was that language I heard you speaking?”

Brienne stares at him in disbelief, forgetting her anger for a moment. “You mean... Irish?”

The man laughs. “You don’t say. I wasn’t very good at it in school. I always thought it was a bit pointless.”

Brienne shakes her head. Handsome though he may be, this man is everything she hates about Dublin personified. “Thank you for paying for me,” she tells him primly, then pointedly takes her headphones out of her bag and puts them on.

The man taps her shoulder. When she turns to glare at him, he hands her back the tenner she’d given him. “It was a gift,” he says, smiling. “I like to help out the culchies wherever I can.”

Hot with rage, Brienne screws the note up into a ball and shoves it back into his hand without a word.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “All right, I’m sorry. I’d give you your change, but that’s all the cash I have on me. Can’t fit much coinage in the pockets of this suit.”

Part of her does want to take the tenner back – she’s painfully broke – but it’s a matter of pride. She does not need charity from some insufferable D4 who thinks her first language is pointless. She stares out of the window, ignoring him, and finally he leaves her alone.

At least until they get to his stop, at which point he taps her on the shoulder again. She grudgingly pauses her music, wondering what he could possibly want now.

“My name’s Jaime,” he informs her, as though this is something she needs to know.

“OK,” she says.

He waits, and she realises he’s waiting for her to give him her name. She doesn’t.

He smiles, sharp as a knife. “All right, culchie. Good luck in the big smoke,” he says, and then finally, finally, gets off the bus.

As the bus moves off again, she watches him stride confidently down the street. What an obnoxious, snobby, gorgeous weirdo, she thinks, and can’t tell if she’s relieved or strangely disappointed that she’ll probably never see him again.

[csong-blog]

hello, i’m mina and i’m too excited to roleplay with you all ! i’ve only recently started getting back into groups and this one really caught my eye. the roleplay is just amazing and all of your muses are absolutely wonderful. from what i can see, everyone is a great writer, intimidating, but that makes it more exciting for me. my face claim is my absolute queen soyou -  feel free to add my discord - queen soyou#1226 for plotting purposes.

( kang jihyun, twenty eight, cisfemale ) by chance have you met CLAUDIA SONG yet? i hear SHE has lived in COLUMBIA CITY for TWO MONTHS and works as a HIGH SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. i’m surprised you haven’t met them yet but for when you do, i hear they can be quite EMOTIONAL but also COMPASSIONATE. for whatever reason they remind me of DENIM OVERSIZED JACKETS, LACED BODY SUITS and DISORGANISED NOTES. ( mina, 20, she/her, gmt )

under the cut will be a little about claudia ; please proceed with caution as there is mention of codependency tw, domestic abuse tw, emotional manipulation tw under the cut.

one would say that claudia had a little too much personality in her early life. she had always been full of energy and passion, a girl wanting to show off her creations and talents to all, especially her parents that had moved from south korea shortly before she came along. they did enjoy her company; a vibrant, polite young lady? there was nothing to dislike. she was the type to help with the washing of the dishes but then accidentally break one - her intentions were there, they just weren’t executed correctly.

ever since she could remember, claudia loved to sing and dance. she was a theatre kid growing up and her parents greatly encouraged her to take part in productions even though it took time away from her school work. she found herself taking a natural lead and even helping some of the other students with learning lines on top of home work. she always liked to lend a helping hand and that was never going to change.

as she grew older, she did take a more nurturing role with her friends. she was always the one that they came to for advice and that became her responsibility. the girl didn’t feel like she could have any negative feelings of her own so tried to make sure that she appeared happy and supportive at all times - she wanted the best for those around her, she didn’t see anything wrong with it.

however, she was sensitive and their struggles quickly became her’s. a natural empath, she found herself struggling to deal with the horrible things they were going through. her home life was stable, she had a family that loved her, teased her for her broken hangul, but they loved her and would always protect her in the way that they knew how - she was mature enough to understand that not everyone had that privilege.

it was only natural that she fell into the realm of pyschology. claudia wanted to help people, she really did, even stuck at college despite hating the whole set up of it. she was somewhat a loner, someone who kept to herself and talked to strangers who she would never see again. she missed her friends from high school but realised that the dynamic had changed and they weren’t together anymore. it hurt her, a lot, more than it probably should have done. no one seemed to need her here... she didn’t realise, but she was incredibly codependent and that’s when the pattern started.

matthew williams wasn’t the first male to give her attention in her second year but he was certainly one to make her feel safe. he was in her psychology class, a mature student that was taking it to enrich his resumé and she was taken by him. he listened to her, asked for help, gave her life advice - it seemed like the perfect match.

while he continued down the path of business after completing his bachelor course, claudia decided to stay on and get her master’s in school counseling. she didn’t want to be at a practice, she wanted to be where it really mattered and also where she had experience. if only there had been a counselor at my school i may not have felt so much pressure. however, the woman didn’t realise that she needed it.

she moved in with matthew as she believed it was the best thing for her in that moment. it was true; he was kind, loving, supportive, everything she could have hoped for and she was hardly going to throw that away. she married him when she was twenty four and he had just turned thirty one. she was convinced it was love but it turned out he was manipulating her the entire time. claudia doesn’t like to think that her entire marriage was a lie, that hurts her too much and she would rather hold on to the fond memories she has of that time in her life, even if they were few and far between...

the manipulation wasn’t noticeable to her at first, it was more about controlling where she was and what she was doing. claudia had a few friends at the school she got a job at and she enjoyed spending time with them. they had made her feel so welcome when she had first started and their personalities seemed to mesh together. after school they would go to a bar, occasionally catch a student with a fake id and have a fun time with it and would also go for meals out. it all made matthew feel invisible. he made it his mission to know where she was, what she was doing and her next plans so that he could clash with them. claudia was loyal, she would choose him over them any time.

at first, she didn’t feel like anything was wrong. they had both made sacrifices and a marriage was supposed to be work - she wasn’t about to have a disagreement with him over things so petty. however, as time went on, he became more and more angered, aggressive with her. the woman was small but she also had too much respect for him to try and fight back. at times, she felt like she had said the wrong thing and deserved it.

as it got really bad, claudia became more and more tearful at work - they even put her on a warning for walking out on a student because she was in tears. she would get up at 4 every morning to make sure the house was spotless, so he would have nothing to hate her for and she would spend the rest of her day worrying about the most mundane of things. he could always find fault with her and it would always end badly for her...

she used the school production as a great way to get away for a while, to help the drama department put on a show and that’s what kept her going. the kids did need some encouragement but she was there to give it every time and even help them with their technique. it reminded her how much she loved it to begin with and realised that she should have kept doing it. 

claudia felt it difficult to ask for help as she had always being the one giving it. how could she help the students if she couldn’t even help herself? broken ribs and a collapsed lung, he was actually the one to call 911 for her. the doctors and police knew what was happening, especialy when she claimed that she slipped... the ‘split’ wasn’t easy for her. the woman felt useless wihtout him, moreso than she had done with him.

AFTER:

one of her friends at the school took her in to recover and she actually ended up moving with her to seattle before she got her own place. the other woman was kind and let her take as much time as she needed off. claudia used this time to get involved with community stage productions and it definitely lifted her spirits. being cared for while slowly becoming used to freedom did wonders for her.

she has recently got a job at a local high school and plans to move out of her friend’s house after she has had a few paycheques. she does love living with her friend and her family but now she feels ready to get her own space to truly start building herself up once again. 

claudia is a very nurturing individual but also quite sensitive. if she’s uncomfortable about something, she is one to cry. 

she sings in public while she has her earphones because it brings her joy.

although she finds her job challenging at times, she’s glad to be in an environment where she doesn’t feel threatened. 

she wears glasses but hates wearing them.

she’s very big on oversized jackets and lace body suits. if she’s feeling adventurous, she’ll add a heel into the mix. steve jobs is also her style icon as she has so many bodysuits and sweaters that have a turtle neck - she jokes about this daily.

she’s actually taking part in the community production and she’s loving every minute of it.

claudia drops her phone at least once a week but it still doesn’t have a crack in it... she’s well and truly mastered the art.

she tends to use humour as a way to cope with her emotions. she can be the joker but when it comes to someone else, she will make sure to listen and advise.

claudia still puts others before herself so catch her trying to sort out other people’s problems and not even touching her own...

her friend knows her for taking in people in need and she has got told off for this as there are children living there and she doesn’t even know them that well - she just wants to help but doesn’t think about repercussions of her actions.

she’s really enjoying living in seattle with so many things to see and do - she’s just fallen in love with it and she’s so glad shegot away from her old life and was able to start some place new!

generally, her room is an absolute tip. she has little passion for organisation but can find things with ease if people don’t tamper with her system.

she’s a fan of a regular latte, nothing more adventurous than a salted caramel latte at christmas for her !

she calls her parents three times every week to check in with them to make sure that they’re not worrying about her. she loves them dearly and is so grateful that they’re more present in her life now !

[andipxndy-writes]

Life Is Hard - Sam & Kat

[[So you know how I love angst a lot? Well, this came more out of an angsty discussion where an idea popped into mind and I just kinda decided to sprint with it. But you have no idea how much I love this family just being a family - it’s the sweetest thing ever, and they pull each other through a lot.

So here’s another thing I wrote for @a-simple-rper - based off the family life that our muses Sam and Kat are thrown into at possibly the worst time in their lives, financially.

Enjoy!]]

Life Is Hard

Standing at the open window overlooking the street below, an unopened box of cigarettes in their hand, Sam was deep in thought. Fingering the box in their hand, never had they been more tempted to open it and light one than right then – just for the feel of the smoke, the nicotine rushing through their system, the sense of peace that came with the drug.

Or maybe they could take advantage of their night off, head down to the bar anyway and drink themselves stupid. To the point where Rick would either carry them back home or up to the spare bed.

But they couldn’t do that. Not to Rick. Not to Kat. Not on their good conscience, when three lives depended on them.

Three lives. Not one. Not two. But three. That was what seemed to be keeping them up late on a night where they would usually nod off without a care in the world. The fact that they were up at such a ridiculous hour should be more than enough to show that they had a lot on their mind.

They had three lives in their care. Three lives, and not a lot of money. As great as Rick was as a boss, it wasn’t like the man could suddenly afford to up his pay a lot when there were bills to pay. Sam wasn’t the only employee anymore, and the fact that he was dating the other gave her a bit of an advantage when it came to things like working out paycheques. At least, it did in Sam’s opinion.

Not that they didn’t like Laura. Well… they were terrified of her, to be honest; but she could be nice, they supposed.

But now they were stuck. For some reason, they’d had a conversation with some of the other dads at Kat’s pregnancy group, whatever it was called, and the subject of how much kids cost came up. Apparently, one of the other dads wasn’t exactly a new dad. And the conversation they’d had was… enlightening.

Not only were they going to pay for baby stuff (which they’d started buying already with Kat, and wasn’t cheap), but kids grew out of clothes quickly. So they’d have to be buying those regularly. Then there was the food, because apparently kids needed a lot of that – and a lot of the good stuff, not the shitty microwave stuff Sam could live on – to grow healthy. There was no way Sam was gonna let their kids not be healthy. Not after the childhood they had. Add to that the increased heating and water bills, because babies needed baths and they needed to stay warm when it was cold (they just had to have late fall babies, huh?), and raising a baby was expensive.

And that wasn’t even taking into account those toddler years. Kat would obviously have to go back to work, because they couldn’t live on just Sam’s salary, meaning they needed someone to take care of the kids. Kat’s mom would’ve been the obvious choice, but she wasn’t retired yet, so Sam couldn’t exactly call her out of a lecture to take care of her grandkids. That wasn’t fair. So they had to go for either a nanny, or daycare, and eventually pre-k. They knew Allie would be more than willing to nanny, but she was also still a student. They couldn’t ask her to cut her studying short just for them. And Jake had a full-time job. And there was no way Rick would let them raise children in a bar.

Oh God, after pre-k was actual school, and even if public schools were free, food was not. Packed lunch, or school lunch, that was gonna cost money. They’d have to get suitable clothes and shoes and… oh Lord, if their kids were anything like Kat’s brother, George, clothing was gonna be a bomb. And then there was the school books and the stationary and when they got to middle school did they have to buy reading books for literature? They’d have to look that up. And then there were the proms and the school trips and the birthday parties… oh God the birthday parties…

This wasn’t even taking into account the fact that there had to be a college fund.

And all of that mentioned earlier? Yeah, double it. Because they were having twins.

They were so lost in their thoughts that they didn’t hear the soft patter of feet behind them, until a blonde messy bun suddenly appeared in their peripheral. They visibly jumped, turning to see Kat stood there, heavily pregnant and looking adorable (in Sam’s opinion) all sleepy in her pajamas.

“Sammy?” she asked, yawning and rubbing her eyes tiredly. “What are you doing up…?”

“I was just… thinking,” they responded quietly, shrugging a little. Their usual crooked smile appeared on their face, but it didn’t reach their eyes.

Kat just stared at them for a few moments. “Right…” She took their arm, beginning to drag them back towards the bedroom. “It’s too late to think. Back to bed.”

“Don’t you mean too early?” Sam teased as they let themselves be dragged away, back to the bedroom. At the last moment, they threw the pack of cigarettes behind them, out of the window.

“Don’t make me think.” As the pair reached the bed, Kat hesitated for a moment, which made Sam pause.

“What?” they asked slowly, leaning down a little to look her in the eye.

She drew her lips to the side, before responding, “We’re gonna be okay, you know.”

Sam just stared at her for a few moments, before sighing and climbing into bed, carefully pulling her down beside them so that they could curl up together under the sheets. “I know, it’s just… hard to imagine, y’know?”

“Then don’t imagine,” Kat responded softly, caressing their cheek with her hand. “Just have faith.”

----------------------------------------------

Looking up from her own stack of reading papers, Allie was surprised to actually see Sam so focused on the worksheet in front of them. Despite their obvious lack of schooling, they actually seemed to be progressing well in their studies. They were almost at the end of elementary now, and soon enough they’d be moving on to middle school stuff. Allie promised she would celebrate the day they reached the high school curriculum, and had somehow managed to convince Rick to hold a graduation ceremony for them if they got through it all and passed.

After a few minutes, though, Allie realised Sam wasn’t actually focused on the worksheet.

“Hey,” she called, reaching over to tap their arm. They jumped at her touch, eyes wide, and looked up sharply at Allie.

“Oh, uh, hey…”

Her eyes narrowed at them. “What’s bugging you?” she asked, as blunt as ever.

Sam pursed their lips shut – a universal sign that they didn’t want to speak – and looked down at the worksheet again, but when they looked back up they realised Allie was still staring. They knew that look. Laura got that same look when she knew they’d done something wrong and she was gonna figure it out. Rick got that same look too. Heck, even Kat got that look sometimes when the twins were playing up.

“It’s… it’s nothing,” Sam answered finally in a quiet voice, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

She raised an eyebrow at them. “Are you sure…?” she asked, her own voice suddenly softer as she leaned forward. “Because I’m always here if you need it…”

Sam looked back down at the worksheet in front of them. They were finally getting some of the stuff, but clearly not enough to know how short they were on the bills payment that month when they’d decided to go and do some grocery shopping. So long water and heating. They’d have to get a second job if things were going to keep going like this.

“I’m sure,” they replied, going back to the work with renewed vigour.

Later that night, when they checked their wallet for spare change, they realised they knew exactly who had snuck in the cheque for a thousand dollars.

----------------------------------------------

Wiping down the bar, Rick sighed as he looked up. The bar was practically empty – Thursday evenings were apparently not meant to be that busy, which was fine for Rick. It meant that he had time to prepare for the inevitable weekend rush.

Hearing the door open, he looked up expecting to see a customer, and was pleasantly surprised to see Sam stood there, the twins at their legs. As much as he claimed it irritated him when they brought those two to work, he actually enjoyed having them around. Annabelle was shy and kept out of trouble by sticking to her dad (and keeping them out of trouble), whilst Tyler had to be the happiest three-year-old he’d ever met.

Except Rick distinctly remembered telling Sam to take the night off because it was going to be slow, to spend some time with Kat.

Kat wasn’t there.

Huh.

“Hiya, Unca’ Wick!” cane Tyler’s cheerful greeting as he ran over, waving wildly. Rick leaned on the bar, looking over at the little guy.

He had to admit, there was a soft spot for the kid. Somewhere.

“Hi, Tyler.” He then turned to Sam and the hiding Annabelle. “Hi, Annabelle.”

The little girl gave a wave from where she was hiding behind Sam’s legs. “Hello.”

Rick then looked Sam in the eye. “I thought I told you to take the night off?”

“You did. And I am. But I thought these two deserved a special dinner tonight,” the younger said with a wide grin, earning a cheer from Tyler and a bright smile from Annabelle.

It didn’t take a genius to see what was going on, and Rick turned back to Tyler. “Well, I guess you gotta go give your orders straight to the kitchen.”

“Okay!” Tyler exclaimed before running off, and soon enough Annabelle was racing after him.

As soon as the twins were safely in the kitchen (not that the kitchen was particularly safe for a pair of three-year-olds), Rick turned back to Sam. “Where’s Kat?” he asked as he went back to wiping down the counter.

Sam shrugged a little as they sat down, running a nervous hand through their short hair. Rick was pretty sure they’d picked up that habit from Jake. “Had to work tonight. Something about not doing her required hours, so they’re docking her pay unless she goes in to do some late work.”

Rick could hear the unspoken sentence: And we can’t afford to have her pay docked right now.

“Do they know she has kids?” he asked, though he felt as if he already knew the answer to his question.

“Do you think they care?” Sam let out a humourless laugh, crossing their arms and leaning down onto the bar counter. “If they did, they wouldn’t be docking her pay when our nanny cancels on us, would they?”

Rick started at them for a few moments, noticing how their shoulders were tensed and their jaw clenched, before letting out a slow sigh. “Dinner’s on the house.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Wait, what? Rick, no—”

“Make sure you get the most expensive meal you can, because it’s not happening again.” He grabbed a glass from below the counter, ignoring the way Sam seemed to be protesting. “Pop?”

Despite what Rick said, it did, in fact, end up happening again.

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Walking around the bar in her pajamas, even on an open night, had become a norm for Laura ever since she’d become a parent. Heck, she couldn’t waste time caring about how she looked to the customers when she had screaming kids that needed juice, or sobbing toddlers that needed their Tylenol. Looking good for the customers was a daytime thing – once it hit ten, and the kitchen was closed, functional quality beat public approval by a long shot.

Which was why, when Rick called her down to check who was at the door round the back, Laura found herself standing in just her pajamas, face-to-face with her twin and her partner. And their two kids.

Tyler grinned up at her toothily, his little dinosaur backpack looking huge on his little four-year-old body. “Hi, Aunt Lauwa!”

Laura just stared at him, before looking back up at Kat. “That speech impediment is still there?”

“Give him a break, he’s four,” Kat laughed.

“I have three one-year-olds who could probably speak better,” Laura teased as she stood aside to let the family of four in.

“One of those one-year-olds literally screams her head off every time Rick tells her it’s bath time,” Sam pointed out with a snort, making Kat chuckle and Laura glare at them.

“I could literally teach her to scream at you,” she threatened, though she had a smirk on her face.

“Yeah, but I give her chocolate milk every time she sees me, so that’s not gonna work.”

Laura glared at them for a moment, before smiling down at the twins and kneeling in front of them. “Hey, so your momma tells me that you’re here for a sleepover! Is that true?” Both children nodded excitedly, and Laura chuckled. “Well, guess what? You get to sleep in your dad’s super cool old room! You remember where that is?”

“Yeah!” Tyler exclaimed, before racing up the stairs before anyone could say another word, Annabelle in her sunflower backpack right behind him. The adults simply laughed as they watched the pair race up the stairs, before Kat moved to follow them.

“I better make sure those two troublemakers don’t break anything. Or wake up the triplets.” She gave Sam a quick peck on the lips. “Don’t stay down too long. You know they won’t sleep if you’re not there.”

Sam nodded, watching Kat’s retreating figure with a smile. Though, as soon as she left, that smile faded and made way for exhaustion.

Laura watched their facial expressions carefully. “Heating…?” she asked softly.

Sam glanced over at her, not sure exactly what to say, before responding quietly, “And electricity. Water goes in two days.”

Laura nodded, biting her lip. “Stay as long as you need. We’ve got the space, even if it’s a tight fit, and the food.” Noticing the guilty look that was forming on their face, she added, “God knows Rick needs someone to show him up with the parenting side of things. Have you seen him change a diaper?”

Sam’s nose crinkled. “He’s still screwing up the diapers?”

“He put one on Claire backwards yesterday.” Granted, Claire had been giggling and crawling away as he’d tried to, but that served him right for using the bathroom floor instead of the changing table like she’d asked him to many times.

Sam smirked, before rolling up their sleeves and rubbing their hands together. “Looks like I’ve got some work to do. Hey, big guy!” They turned and headed not towards the stairs, but into the bar to mess with Rick, as usual.

Laura gave a small smile at Sam’s behaviour, almost tempted to call after them to keep the noise down, but instead she sighed as she shut the back door. It was going to be hectic, but having this huge family all in one place was going to be a lot of fun. She could tell.

----------------------------------------------

“I still I can’t believe I’m gonna be a dad.”

Sam actually gave a chuckle at Jake’s apparent surprise as they walked through the store, sharing a trolley between them. They didn’t quite understand why Jake had chosen them to go on a shopping trip with, but considering it meant they got out of helping out with stock and cleaning and they still got paid as if they were on shift, they weren’t complaining. They patted his shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry – these next five months are gonna go by in a flash,” they said.

“That isn’t reassuring,” Jake pointed out, making a face at them. “That’s fucking terrifying.”

“I know. I wasn’t trying to reassure you.” They laughed at the punch to the shoulder they got in response, rubbing their shoulder.

Eventually the pair reached the kids’ aisles, and Jake slowed down as he looked through all the baby clothes.

“They’re all so tiny…” he murmured, reaching out to touch a tiny pink dress.

Sam gave a small smile. “Yeah, but they grow so fast.” They laughed a little as they held one of the baby boy outfits. “It feels like yesterday that Tyler was wearing something like this. Now he’s in kindergarten ruining almost every pair of pants he’s got.” They made a face. “Kids grow like weeds, oh my God.”

“Yeah, Ty’s gonna be a tall one,” Jake agreed with a laugh. As they continued to pass through the aisles, Jake realised Sam had stopped in the section for five and six year olds. He walked backwards towards them to see what they were looking at.

Hanging up was a pretty Disney Princess dress. Ever since Allie had introduced Annabelle to the Disney Princess movies, she’d been hooked on Aurora, saying something about how her daddy loved to sleep a lot too so she was her favourite. Sam had tried very hard not to take offense to that when Kat cracked up.

“That’s cute,” Jake said casually. “You thinking of Halloween costumes for double trouble?”

Sam let out a snort at Jake’s nickname for the twins. “Kinda? Kat was thinking of doing homemade costumes this year.”

Jake raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t this the first year Anna has actually wanted a costume?”

“Yeah, and we can make it from scratch. Don’t worry.” They gave Jake one of their trademark grins.

Jake didn’t seem placated by Sam’s reassurances, but shrugged anyway, heading off to do the rest of the shopping. After all, they had a lot to do, and Rick still needed them back before the bar actually opened for the day.

It was after they’d finished, when Jake was dropping Sam off at the bar, that he handed them one of the carrier bags. Sam frowned.

“This for Rick?”

“No, for you.”

Sam’s eyes widened, almost looking as if they wanted to hand the bag straight back. “Dude, I didn’t ask for anything…”

Jake rolled his eyes at them, pushing the bag into their arms. “Take the damn bag and go,” he said, shooting them out of his car before driving off with a wave.

Sam rolled their eyes at him, before glancing around nervously and then looking into the bag. Their breath almost hitched at what they saw: a few pairs of kids’ jeans, some t-shirts, jumpers and cardigans.

And right on top? The princess dress, complete with a crown. For Annabelle.

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Sam started at the letter blankly in their hands. Not that they couldn’t read it, of course (even with their lack of education, they could at least read), but the words were just swimming on the page right then.

It was a letter for a field trip. The twins were barely six, of course, but their kindergarten class were doing a trip to Central Park to look at nature, or something like that, and draw the trees and the leaves. A ridiculous trip, in Sam’s eyes, but both of them were begging to go.

The only thing was, the school was going to provide them with lunch, and they were taking the school bus to the park. And they expected the parents to pay for fuel and food.

It didn’t really seem that expensive, considering they were splitting things with all the parents, but Sam didn’t have that kind of money. In fact, they didn’t have any kind of money. As it was, they were almost living paycheck to paycheck, and were trying to save up some money for repairs on their car, which had conveniently decided to break down last week, just before Kat had to go out of town for a conference. Which had resulted in them borrowing Jake’s car until the repairs could be done.

But they knew the looks they would get from their children if they told the twins they couldn’t go, and they couldn’t bear to face the tears that would come with them. And it wasn’t even as if they had anything to make up for not going…

Rubbing their hands through their hair frustratedly, they just about noticed Rick approaching them before they began to speak.

“Why is life so damn expensive?” they hissed, clenching their fists in their hair. “It’s just bills and rent and more bills and school and food and even more bills! Half the time I can’t even afford a decent meal!” Slamming their hands down on the bar counter, they continued, “And it’s not even as if anyone makes it easier! Goddamn college bosses don’t give a shit if you have kids and need to pick them up! And if you don’t have a nanny, well, you’re goddamn fucked! Stores keep raising their fucking prices and make everyone live on food stamps! Food stamps! Schools charge for a fucking education! That sort of shit should be free! Kids are suffering and not getting fed and can’t afford to live and all these people care about is fucking money!” They began to scrub at their face furiously, and suddenly their voice sounded like they were on the verge of tears. “I can’t even afford to take care of my own kids! They just drain and drain and drain and drain and drain and I love them so much but I have no money to take care of my wife and kids and—”

“Hey,” came the soft voice from beside them, only just loud enough to hear over the voices in their head screaming that they were a failure, they didn’t deserve to have kids and social services were gonna make sure they would never see them again. The gentle hand on their shoulder made them flinch and panic more, their breaths coming out in short puffs and their body beginning to shake. They couldn’t do this they couldn’t do this they were failing they weren’t good enough they were just destroying their kids they—

“Hey.” A firm hand landed on their other shoulder – a grounding hand that made Sam stop and listen to the firm, deep voice. Moving their hands away from their face, they looked up to see Rick stood in front of them on the other side of the bar, calm dark eyes staring straight at them. Calm dark eyes that conveyed the message that he would say if he actually wanted to speak.

“Why do you keep pushing us away?” Sam looked to the owner of the other hand on his shoulder and noticed it belonged to Allie. An Allie holding a tiny baby, but Allie nonetheless. When they didn’t answer, she sighed. “Sam, it’s okay to let us help you, you know.”

“Help with what? My failure in taking care of my own family?” Sam choked out harshly, looking away from her and almost pushing her hand off their shoulder.

“No,” Jake interjected, sitting on the other side of them at the bar and blocking off any possible escape route from the conversation. “The failure of the government to help you in taking care of your family. This system is shitty.”

“And we’re your family, Sam,” Allie pointed out. “We take care of each other, no matter what.”

Sam thought back to all the times these guys had helped them out over the years, without even them having to ask. Not even once had they demanded that they help in return – they’d just helped without questioning. And one look in Rick’s eyes told them that they would continue to help out no matter what.

Their eyes started to well up with tears, and then they heard the watery voice behind them.

“Don’t you ever call yourself a failure again.”

They span on the stool to see Kat stood there, eyes red from crying and tears still on her cheeks. They watched as she neared them, clearly still crying.

“Don’t call yourself what you aren’t. You are not a failure. You are a husband and a father and damn good at what you do. And I love you with every goddamn fiber of my being.”

Seeing that she was still crying made them begin to sob, and soon enough she was in their arms, the pair of them crying quietly. Multiple pairs of arms enveloped them, comforting them softly, until the sobs quieted down and they all slowly pulled away from each other. Except Kat, who kept her arms wrapped around Sam and her face buried in their chest as she stood in the space they’d made for her between their legs.

They placed a kiss on top of her head. “I’m sorry for worrying you like this…”

“I’m sorry for not making myself available for you to talk to about this,” she responded softly, her voice slightly muffled in their t-shirt.

The two were broken from their moment by the clearing of a throat, and Sam turned their head towards the person whilst Kat lifted her head to see who it was. Turned out it was Rick, sliding a small piece of paper across the bar to them.

A cheque of $150,000.

Kat’s mouth dropped open as Sam immediately began to shake his head. “No, we can’t take that from the bar…”

“It’s not from the bar,” Allie interrupted, drawing their attentions to her. “It’s mostly mine. And before you say anything,” she gestured to the baby in her arms, “Joseph already has a college fund set up. Take the money.”

“And if you need any more,” Jake added, causing the couple to turn to him, “please, for the love of all that is good in this world, fucking ask.”

“We’re literally a phone call away,” Laura added, leaning on the bar counter beside Rick. “Just call us when you need.”

Sam stared between the members of his makeshift family, eyes wide, before their eyes finally landed on their wife, who still had her arms wrapped around them, her eyes still shining with unshed tears but a hopeful smile on her face. A smile that made them smile back.

Life was hard. But they were going to be okay.

[thesecretcouncil]

Why is it that a person in a position such as me, a knowledgeable person in a respectable field supposivedly making good/decent money can still be in a situation where I feel borderline impoverished. And that is only something that has slowly been hitting me recently. As an engineer, and as one that does fairly well, I still struggle to make ends meet. My dad is injured and isn’t currently working, my mom and my sister are upset with current living situations in our complex with the strata and want to move out. 

In order for us to move out, I have to be the one to pay the mortgage.

But my future wife is never going to want to live with my parents.

But there’s no way for me to move out to get a place and buy a place for my parents and my sister - there isn’t enough money to do that and especially not enough to buy something comparable. 

So i’m stuck. In order for me to fulfill the wishes and the desires for my family, I have to move out with them and foot the mortgage. But my future wife is never going to move into a household to live with the inlaws, plus not ever being able to invite friends over and have them crash where they want is a huge disadvantage. 

But even if I did want to move away in a few years.... there just isn’t the money to buy two places, and my mom is saying that I would leave them homeless.... well not exactly, but in the real estate market of Vancouver, that’s essentially what it is. 

Being a person in my late 20′s, with a 75k salary job, trying to pay through my family for the next 30 years is incredibly daunting thing to think about. I’d be paying a mortgage for the life of me that I have lived. That is daunting, and a reality I don’t really want to accept.

So it really feels like I’m stuck being me, my family, or my significant other.

Ideally, my sister would find work and be able to pay for this, but 90%, the reality is not going to be like that and her position will not be another one of those runaway lucrative type of jobs either.

I work really hard at work to the point that I’m burning out and losing my own sanity, but I never imagined that as someone who did well in high school, did exceptional in university, would still be in a situation where I can’t find a proper way to add up the equation. 

Part of it is the burden of privilege, or lack there of it. I mean, I’m fortunate that I”m not at the far end of the straw, and I like that better for the upbringing that I was raised in where I do have a strong and early appreciation for the value of money. But I am in the bottom half when it comes to my family’s given wealth. There honestly isn’t much when it comes to the accounts that my family has either.

It’s tough..... 

I mean, I always thought that people in my field who lived paycheque to paycheque were in a lifestyle choice, 

but it hits me harder now that it’s not even that, it’s just circumstance and privilege. I thought finding a job like mine would make me feel comfortable in life. I mean, 

Fuck 

I don’t even have the opportunity/time/money to even go back to get a masters that I wanted.

But all I see is disparity every where I go.

I see sadness

and for a person whose emotions don’t usually rise up, 

this is hard

because we’re supposed to be seen as strong

that these things don’t bother us. 

but it does

and it’s hard

and for the first time in a long while

I don’t know what to do.

I control the balance of power, as I would pay the mortgage, but I can’t abandon my family right now, but I also don’t want to give up m future wife.

But these are the problems of life...

And this is a blog, that no one reads, so I can rant about these things and get them out.

And maybe one day, share them with my SO should I feel it pertinent