#well essentially i cant manage to present how i want bc im too exhausted <3 so it all plays together really <3

[moodr1ng]

i think a lot of my experience being bigender is a lot of like.. sucking it up for the sake of the greater context? like, when it comes to lgbt politics, or gender politics, theres a lot of times where "men" and "women" are used as discrete categories and i deeply feel that what is being said excludes my existence, but its also important enough for it to be said that i kind of just excuse myself from existing for the sake of the point. like, im listening to a video thats discussing issues that concern wlw, and the creator is clearly trying to cast a very wide net by talking about experiences of "people who do not identify as men and are attracted to women". and yet im here as a woman-loving woman who also identifies as a man, and its kind of like.. well, yes, the existence of my experiences is negated in that framework. but also, i get what is being said and its frankly the widest definition you could give that doesnt end up including people youre definitely not talking about, so i just kind of have to say "yeah, im excluded, but, like, i dont really matter in the grand scheme of things". i find that i end up doing that a lot. im not sure what to say about it, its not like this is 'problematic' or like im asking everyone to switch to even more complicated language for my sake - thats kind of the opposite of what im doing. im usually trying to simplify the language used so that its as understandable as possible, even if it has to come with the asterisk that "theres more nuances to this and this definition is incomplete, but this at least gets close". but idk. basically "woman-loving woman" is often defined in terms that are very vast, that try to encompass as many people whose experiences apply as possible, but the line tends to be drawn just before it can include me, at least not unless i erase part of me. i dont have a fix or alternative i just feel sad sometimes ig lol