#weirdos the both of them (affectionate) <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[lost-in-fandoms]

Crane (reading chat): how would you feel if people called you daddy Luke? Max calls me that

[spnintheyearofourlord]

I know in my heart Sam and Jess bullied each other so hard

[lynxfrost13]

I genuinely wonder about Ariane and the Itous friendship they’re such a delightful little trio of outcast weirdo kids to me

[schrodingers-romy]

Cute Aggression [Sakura Haruka x Reader]

Pairings: Sakura Haruka x GN!Reader Word Count: ~1200 [Ao3 Link]

Summary: Your boyfriend is so cute you just want to bite him (and you do).

Warnings: Biting (duh), tiniest bit of suggestiveness at the end, written with aged up to adult Sakura in mind but you go crazy go stupid ig, anime watcher safe (one mention of a manga character but no spoilers), i think that's all???

Notes: Minimally edited so forgive me pls. Born of my desire to bite sakura bc he is sooo cute. here you go wind breaker fandom <3 anyway maybe if I get inspired I'll continue this. who knows.

Dating Sakura Haruka was like a dream come true for you. Finally, you were able to lavish him with the affection you were constantly holding back before in fear of revealing your feelings (and possibly ruining your friendship with him). Every time you held his hand, or ran a hand through his hair, or pressed a quick kiss to his lips, you felt a soft warmth flush through you. And, in complete contrast to how he acted years ago when you first met him, he no longer hissed and spat like a feral cat when any sort of kindness was shown to him. Now, though he still huffed and blushed at physical contact, he also reveled in it. Haruka leaned into every single one of your affections, even if they embarrassed him; and, in private, he would return them in his own shy way.

In short, you had grown comfortable expressing your adoration for him through physical touches, which is why you felt comfortable enough to do what you were about to do without thinking anything of it.

-

Haruka, though he was a bit dense, was well aware of how much he blushed. As much as it annoyed the shit out of him, he could never control the way he quickly turned from pale to pink to red at any nicety. Even though years around Furin and the affectionate weirdos who were a part of it, he would still flush often. It became worse again once he started dating you.

He couldn’t admit it (especially to the likes of Suo and Umemiya…nosy bastards…) but he adored when you were sweet with him. Before the two of you got together, you were always nice to him, complimenting him on everything from his fighting to his eyes to his kindness. But it was like the floodgates had opened after he confessed to you; now you expressed your love through both touch and words (a dangerous combination for Haruka’s heart). He liked that you were so comfortable touching him, even when he struggled to return the same actions expect in private. He liked it when you hugged him and kissed him and treated him like something precious. He avoided dwelling on his past as much as possible, but he couldn’t help but remember how a few years ago he could not have even fathomed being loved at all, much less in the all-encompassing way you loved him.

You were absolutely perfect to him, and you had given him the gift of falling in love and having that love reciprocated. That being said, sometimes you were fucking weird.

The two of you were snuggling on the couch, and you were stroking his hair and telling him how pretty he looked when he was relaxed. Haruka was slowly turning the shade of Kiryu’s hair, even as he melted into the scratch of your fingers against his scalp.

And then you leaned forward, and his eyes fluttered shut, anticipating a kiss. Instead of the soft feeling of your lips, however, he felt something sharp clamp down on one of his pink cheeks.

-

There were plenty of times when you looked at your boyfriend and thought “wow, he’s cute enough to eat.” The urge to take a bite out of Haruka ebbed and flowed like the tide; but it had reached dangerous flood levels since you started dating. According to Tsubaki, this was because of ‘cuteness aggression’, the same feeling that made you want to squish adorable baby animals like they were stress balls.

You never thought you’d act on the desire, but you had clearly gotten too used to inflicting upon Haruka your devotion through touch; therefore, you did not think this through.

He just looked so pretty sitting there, leaning his head into your hand, so relaxed he was almost purring with contentedness. His rosy face reminded you of his namesake, and the only coherent thought you had was “his cheeks look like sakura mochi” before you were leaning in.

The gentle clamp of your teeth over his soft flesh was just as satisfying as you dreamed, although you only got to experience it for a second before you let go at the screech your boyfriend let out. It took him a second to register what you did before he leapt away from the couch like a cat.

“THE HELL WAS THAT!?” Haruka yelped, scrubbing at the faint mark on his face with his hand. “ARE YOU A CANNIBAL OR SOMETHIN’?!”

You felt a surge of embarrassment, but luckily you were much better at hiding it than he was at hiding his. “No. That was just a love bite, baby.”

“A what?”

“A love bite! Because you were so cute it made me want to bite you. Affectionately.” You let a small wince surface on your face, despite your confident tone.

He squinted at you, confused. You could almost see the gears turning in his head, as if he was trying to remember if this was normal or not. “I don’t get it,” he admitted, cautiously sitting back down next to you. You almost joked that you wouldn’t bite, as if you hadn’t proven that false just seconds before.

You moved his hand out of the way so you could rub your thumb over his abused cheek, before pressing a soft kiss to it. Haruka tensed up a little, but he let out a small sigh and collapsed when he felt your lips instead of your teeth.

You felt a little bit bad, even though you enjoyed getting your teeth on him immensely. “I shouldn’t have done it to you out of the blue like that. I’m sorry.”

“’S fine, I just don’t understand,” he said gruffly.

“It’s called cuteness aggression…you know when something is so cute you just want to squeeze it or bite it or something like that?”

Haruka still seemed confused, but he gave a slow nod.

“That’s what I feel about you sometimes. I just like you so much I want to bite you. You’re sweet enough to eat, Haruka,” you murmured, punctuating it with a small kiss to the tip of his nose.

He made a sort of unintelligible sound, flushing again. After you gave him a minute to reboot, he said, “Well…I didn’t hate it, y’know. Ya just startled me, ‘s all…” he trailed off, avoiding meeting your eyes.

You recognized this behavior, and it made your eyes light up. “Awww, did you like it?”

“Shut up!” he squawked. A pause. Then, in a quieter voice, “I dunno. It was too fast, jus’ startled me. Didn’t even really know what was happenin’.”

“Want me to bite you again?”

He turned away. “Do whatever you want.” Tellingly, however, he had twisted in a way so that his cheek and his neck were fully exposed to you.

“Okay,” you said softly. “I’m going to bite you again. Tell me if you like it or not, okay?”

This time, when you leaned in, you bit into the long, creamy stretch of his exposed neck. It felt different than his cheek did under your teeth, but it felt just as good, if not better.

Haruka stiffened for a second, like a scared prey animal in the maw of a predator, before he shuddered and went limp with a small whine.  

You released him after a few seconds, and admired the red mark left behind. You met your boyfriend’s gaze, taking in his glazed eyes and slightly open mouth.

“Yeah, I think I like it,” he whispered.

When you smiled, his eyes were drawn to your teeth.

[frango-maconheiro]

wow, wow, interaction.

also, there's a stupid meaningless ramble i made out of this incredible petpeeve of mine with EW x reader stuff and it's just down the cut sggkjdfjkk (it's fr just me being extremely salty)

Anyway, hello!

Haha, my curious and lonely ass really thought it was a clever idea to read 'eddsworld x reader' content because it spawned in my timeline.... thinking that maaaybe they actually got good at it and made not too ooc stuff (this is heeeeaavily on matt content)

Now, i am profoundly remorseful of that choice because when i wrote this hours ago woth no wifi, i was arguing with the air.

Like, i won't lie on this. EW x reader.. They have evolved, a loooot since those 2017 fanfics (why were the x yn fics from eddsworld all copy-paste back then???) actually, it really surprised me because i definitely don't have the most cool memories of such fanfics,, Buuuuut, they still have that STUPID FAVORITISM. IT'S SO DAMN APPARENT. YOU THINK WE CAN'T SEE IT???

i get madder from down this line, especially since i was veery hungry when writing this. That's why you should always stay fed, keeps you slightly happier.

nhamnhamnhamm, writes aaall cool stuff for edd, tom 'n tord... maybe with an ooc here and there, but enough to ignore,, but matt? Matt gets so ooc, he can be mistaken for an oc if no name is given.

like,,, did.. did we watch the same dude on screen? i know he was pretty neglected in content, but cmon, what is that?? He's practically a romance repellent with his stupidity (said affectionately)

it's the same 'pipipipopopo just a sweet mama's boy' and 'ooo, he's sooo romantic, look at how much of gentleman he is compared to otheeeers' and 'whaao he so silly ::3 *treats him as if he weren't an adult character' and so much more, all in this weird stereotype

I guess i'm just disappointed,,, all because he just, idk, still feels downright boring compared to how the other 3 are written in these kind of fanfics even thought it's 2024 already and not still 2017-2020 (don't even get me started on the weird fixation on making yn extremely specific which fr also makes me crawl away like a wet cat from EW reader interactive content, they don't even put tags of the gender, aaaaaargh).

y'all definitely have more content of him to write than just the saturation of him painting your nails, or going shopping, or acting like he's the center of the world 24/7, or making him the pure lil' angel, or having his memory issues being downplayed as him acting 'so silly lil' silly', i assure you.

When i tell you i got so invested in this useless anger i mean that i got compelled into writing down a bunch of matt x reader to try and give that man a cooler image,,, and i don't even see him that way (nor any of the characters.) , but GOD ARGHHHV I NEED JUSTICE FOR HIM.

i might be just a lil' hot headed while writing this whole stuff, but this bro got stripped out of BOTH his classic and his modern funky personality in 99% of these fanfics and nobody bats an eye, like, ever, unless they're another fan of the character. Free my ginger rat, pleeeeaaaaseee.

I need any weirdo, edgy, funky, unusual, vampire, zombie(heavily on you zombie matt my beloved), slasher, funny, whack matt written content that is not only interactive BUT friendly to all readers...

i don't even care what Matt is written, modern, or classic. Both types have their own weirdo charm, and i am willing to analyze them for a nice oneshot or spitball post.... where you don't get to a restaurant/picnic and receives flowers and it ends like that, without any more depth of such cute cliche fluff it is, and leaving you like you just licked off the scraps of a dessert from a plate given to you, so damn hungry 'n wishing you had eaten an actual dessert instead of whatever that was.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 괴물/Beyond Evil.

Beyond Evil is a 2021 Korean drama about two cops that solve a small-town murder that one of them might have committed. Also there's more than one murder to be solved. Also more than one of those murders happened twenty years ago. Also, the cop might have gotten away with at least one of those too.

It got sold to me on the strength of the main pairing, which is absolutely captivating and worth the price of admission. But the entire cast is amazing, the story is great, and it's all just so satisfying. I love everyone in this weird small Korean town. I love having emotions and various Korean foods with them.

I got five reasons why you should watch it! Read 'em!

1. Do You Want To See An Old Man Cry?

In fact, do you want to see every man cry? Do you want to see every man in the cast either cry or pretend to cry or be on the verge of tears at least once? Do you want to see the main characters, who are both men, cry multiple times, often while otherwise wet as well?

Well, buddy, Beyond Evil has got you covered.

2. Absolute Nightmare/Absolute Nightmare

I do not consider it a spoiler to tell you that Han Juwon (the younger one, on the right) is a very mentally unstable superboy. You already know everyone thinks Lee Dongsik (the older one, on the left) is psycho -- it's nearly the first thing you learn about him. But when you're introduced to Han Juwon, you're given the impression that maybe he's just cold, self-possessed, and competent.

No. He is an absolute freak. This is a freak4freak relationship. They are both completely unhinged. They have both been traumatized to nigh-unimaginable degrees, and they have each decided to make it the other's problem. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for both of them, they both get off on that real hard, and they get real mad sometimes about how hard they're getting off on it. It's delicious.

And yet what makes it great is how they're different flavors of freak. They've got the age difference (40 and 27). They've got the height difference (even though the actors are only like 1cm apart, the whole thing is somehow shot like there's a bigger gap). They've got the class difference (small town weirdo and cop royalty). One's a messy bitch, and one's a prissy prince. One has a whole network of people who affectionately endure him, and one has exactly 0.73 friends. One wants to take care of everyone else but not himself, and one has never looked out for anyone else a day in his life. One's a smug little shit, and one's ... also a smug little shit, but differently.

You have perhaps been given the impression that Beyond Evil is like Hannibal, and that Juwon/Dongsik is like Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter. It's not, and yet it scratches a similar itch, if that makes sense.

Don't let me give you the impression that this is textually gay. They do not smooch or anything, so don't be waiting for that. But holy cow, is it homoromantic -- and the leads know it is, and they roll around in it, and everyone else in the production supports their doing it. They have the kind of chemistry stars are jealous of. (It helps that the younger actor is a muffin who has a such crush on the older one.)

And that's even before the part where they get married live on national television. Is that a joke? You'll have to watch to find out.

3. Lee Changjin (and the other antagonists)

I'll talk in a second about excellent and despicable all the bad guys are. But I need a special moment for this motherfucker right here.

Lee Changjin is a wretched, scummy piece of shit who damn near walks away with every scene he's in. He's not the worst like a little meow meow -- he is the actual worst, and it's so good. He's sleazy. He's pathetic. He's hot as fuck. You meet his ex-wife, and you're like, no, honey, sure it was a bad decision, but I totally get it.

Clearly he has a special place in my heart, but all the bad guys in this series are done so damn well. Their realism makes them even scarier. They're not incomprehensible ghouls out there being bad just to be bad. They're (mostly) making calculated decisions based on keeping their own heads above water, and to hell with everyone else.

I'm not going to spoil the identity of the murderer for you -- but it kind of doesn't matter, because you find out who it is less than halfway through the show (and because there are multiple people in this show who've killed someone). There's something bigger and more awful at work here, perpetrated by people that you knew were bad news from the moment you met them.

Beyond Evil is a cop show that is not copaganda, because one of the biggest villains in the series is misuse of police power. The show stresses accountability for police misconduct -- to the point where that accountability hurts characters we want to see get away with stuff because, come on, their bad behavior was totally justified! But it wasn't! The ends do not justify the means here. The world is not better when powerful people use their power to get out of the consequences of their shitty, selfish actions, even when those shitty, selfish actions were objectively kind of cool.

Fair warning, a lot of this show is about complicated relationships with abusive, absent, deceased, and otherwise difficult parents. Those parents are not always (or even mostly) the bad guys -- but the bad guys are all shitty parents. And yet, their adult children are tied to them in complicated ways that do said children no favors. Some of the most heartbreaking pieces of the show are about how these kids break free from those parents -- or, more tragically, don't.

4. Just plain good television

This is a series that can be handled by Your Average American Television Enjoyer Who Can Handle Subtitles. Its quality is on par with a lot of well-thought-of English-language shows I've seen. It's a tight, well-plotted story that's clear enough to be easy to follow, which is sometimes a high bar for a multi-tendriled murder mystery. The small-town setting even gives it a good source of levity to break up the otherwise tight tension.

It's only sixteen episodes long, but there are enough reveals to make a rewatch more than worth your while. The first half in particular improves exponentially on the second viewing, because once you have all the information, events and decisions that you initially read one way, you can see meant something else entirely.

I was initially going to say that if this were in English, all those fans of things like the Wire and True Detective would be super-horny for it -- except that's not true, is it? No, shows like that (which I have seen, for the record) glorify cops who can't be held down by your damn system, so they have to say screw the rules to get things done, because they're too cool and manly for things like paperwork! While Beyond Evil acknowledges that there are some places where the Korean law system is janky and might let a guilty person go free, but that doesn't mean cops get to do whatever they want about it.

My declaration of the show's quality isn't just me judging by my own tastes. This show won the Korean equivalent of Emmys for Best Drama, Best Screenplay, and a well-deserved Best Actor for Shin Hakyun, who plays that incredibly handsome horrible old man. This is a show that actual people who hand out actual awards for good television thought deserved awards.

So I guess if you always wanted to get into those shows a certain kind of dude can't stop talking about, but you had reservations about how authoritarian/libertarian/misogynistic/homophobic/boring they are, Beyond Evil is here for you!

5. Written and directed by women

This one I think is important as hell, because this is a Dead Girl Show (i.e., a show where men kill multiple women as a major part of the plot), and I know a lot of people are justifiably wary about those. However, there are no hints of sexual assault. The violence is gendered, but it's not sexualized. The murders and postmortem mutiliations are handled with the appropriate horror, but it's not torture porn. And the dead girls are treated like -- and grieved like -- actual humans who matter.

I think a whole lot of this can be chalked up to the fact that both the writer and the director of Beyond Evil are women.

In fact, not only are they both women, they're women who don't do this kind of story all the time. Shim Nayeon has directed five things, four of which are comedy/slice-of-life series. Kim Sujin has written a few dramas about mystery-solving teams, but even more comedy and adaptations of webtoons. I have no idea how the two of them got put on this drama together, but it was a perfect match.

This is not to say that men would be incapable of pulling off a story like this. It is, however, a commentary on violence, and how different it looks if you've grown up seeing yourself everywhere as its object rather than its subject. Sure, you could just flip the script and make a story about a lady punchkicker! A lot of people have, and I've enjoyed many of them! But you could also choose to tell a story about gendered violence in a way that isn't just needlessly retraumatizing the people who have to live their entire lives under its shadow. Moreover, you could tell a story about how even good-guy cops can wind up unintentionally buying into paradigms where some women are valuable and some are disposible.

...And if it winds up being teensy bit of a fantasy story about a world in which so many cops give a shit about this violence, well, that's what fiction is for, right?

In short, you love a team of powerful ladies power-drunk on an Arnold Palmer of Respect Women Juice and Sad Man Tears.

Bonus: BANGER SOUNDTRACK

Oh, it's so, so good. (Spotify link)

Have I convinced you to watch it yet?

It's on Netflix, which may be easiest for most people! However, it's also on Viki, and I much prefer the subtitles over there, because a) they keep the flavor of the Korean terms of address, and b) they actually translate the damn episode titles (wtf Netflix?).

There's no bad way to watch it, though!

(ack, they're so cute~)

[toastedjeans]

The first installment of drawing Gustino in various AUs has been completed!!

First up we have Siren Tower!

He's a little confused lol. I added the second pic just to show the other arms a little better, and so the scales and webbed hands are more visible. He's got the gills on his stomach from Gus, and the top scars from Pep. Because yes. I think he'd be able to swim, but very clumsily. Has both lungs and gills, so he can survive both on land and in water. He understands both human and siren language, but i still think it'd be funny if Gustavo's part didn't understand Peppino's part and vice versa. Idk how that would work tho

And now we've got Tower Omens!

Normal and hatless variant (the shiny)

Had to show his wings off, since he's a fusion of an angel and a demon. Could've just made them all gray but no, i had to screw around with a half baked gradient that doesn't even look that good lmao. The horns aren't as pointy as usual cause idk that made sense to me. The ring would probably still cause a rash on his skin, but not as much as for just Peppino, so he still wears it as a necklace. He doesn't wanna stain it after all!

So yeah!! These were fun to do! But anyway, two other AU variants are already sketched out! Stay tuned for more of this weirdo /affectionate

And of course, thanks to @alextydaisuda123 and @creat0rstudi0 for the inspiration <3 i hope I'll be able to keep doing this lol

[majaloveschris]

Hi maja, you have been an endlessly patient blog willing to discuss and rehash the same tired topics with these anons 🤣.

A few words for the ones who stay camped in your inbox:

1) It is possible to be married to someone and not like their friends or family. I’m unsure why some people on here act like him “marrying” AB means he’s immediate besties with her loser friends and weirdo hanger ons. If anything, it’s toleration. How many of you have had partners whose friends you couldn’t stand or family you dreaded but you tolerated for the sake of keeping the peace? Have you seen Justin and CE pal-ing about anywhere? It doesn’t even seem like Justin himself is too big a fan of CE either which is funny, since without his name, this trash can of a human wouldnt have 90% of the engagement on his profile that he currently has. But sure - keep posting shade memes and trolling his fanbase. That’ll really get you brownie points 🙄

2) “he must be just like her and her friends” - already wrong because her besties are all self proclaimed fashionistas. Meanwhile CE stays wearing the same old Nikes from a decade ago and recycling the same t shirts in two different colors for the past two decades. Without a stylist (even with) he looks like he shops at the 75% section of champion sports. Why do you think he’s never there with her at those fashion week events? Why is he not there at the Lana del ray concerts? Maybe because he doesn’t care and still won’t care even if he’s married to her to the public??? If he hasn’t even bothered to change how he dresses or even pretend to care about fashion - what makes you think he’s going to change his views in life and humanity for her and her friends? If he hasn't bothered to adapt to her interests or at least feign some interest in doing so what makes you think he's suddenly going to change his entire personality to fit her and her friends? (I see him doing more of this with jenny and her friends than AB. think about it)

3) body language. Listen, you can say anything or even do anything - but your body language always gives it away. It’s innate for most of us at this point. This man is friendly, tactile, and affectionate to people he’s comfortable with. That much has been clear for the two decades he’s been a public figure. Look at the recent materialists shoot. He likely hadn’t met Celine or Dakota until this shoot (cant say for sure but let’s say they’re recent colleagues) - thanks to the vast BTS footage - sometimes candid, sometimes staged, sometimes random - you can see how he acts with them both. Friendly, open, smiling, affectionate, comfortable. Pedro even came through to post a pic and he looks softly happy with Celine - who is also a very affectionate person with the people she likes. He's been photographed multiple times with celine and he is always engaged, smiling with her. He’s filming with Dakota and can laugh and smile with her. There's footage of him arriving to set and she goes into hug him and he hugs her back, rubbing her back affectionately. it's not just a quick pat either.

He shows up for 5-10 pap walks with AB and not one walk has them smiling at each other. Not one pap walk. There are two random GG and UTA party photos where he’s smiling with her but man, after two years and two weddings you’d think he’d muster up a few more than fake smiles? Even the live footage at the restaurant - pap walk - the kiss is him a foot away from her and hands at his side. You’re a newly wed and you knew photos were happening and this is the best you give?

VF red carpet - he was polite and reserved with her at best, aloof and disengaged at most. even the parking lot photos after with his publicist, he's standing there looking at his phone while shes standing a foot away.

Remember the photo with Celine and Dakota where he's got arms around them both? possibly huddling to keep warm because it was a cold night of filming? compare that to parking lot with AB, especially since that was back in march and LA gets cooler at night.

4) A LOT of angry anons go in about age gaps and how men go for younger women because they think with their other head and blah blah. Sure, can be true. But pay attention to CE's body language around AB. Does he look like he's very super attracted to her and wants to XXX with her or does he keep his hands so to himself and even when he's posing with her? His movements are tepid, reserved, stiff. i do believe he is a gentleman and avoids being handsy around women unless they're both comfortable and I think you can see it in the recent materialists footage with his female costar and director.

maybe, he wants to be a gentleman with his own wife as well. sure. but I don't think when you're truly in love or attracted, you can really help yourself but show it. the same goes for when you're not attracted and not in love.

I mean, we saw Justin and Joana at Chris's house with Chris's friends. So if this isn't PR, then they are at least okay with them. And it's not even about one friend. Alba herself posted questionable things and friends with at least 2 people (Kiko and Justin) who are problematic too. While I get that you don't have to be besties with your spouse's friends or family members, Alba has been friends with Kiko and Justin, so she is okay with their views. I, personally, wouldn't want to be friends with someone who bodyshames people and wants to be quotes Hitler. And if Alba is okay with that behavior, it means she either agrees with them or she doesn't care that much. The same goes with Chris, if he actually married her. 

Trying to get into your partner's interest is not a must, but a decent thing to do for someone you love. Obviously, if it's something that makes you feel bad, for whatever reason, then nobody should force you to do so. But while getting into things she likes (Lana, fashion week) is not a must, having similar views is important. You don't have to get married to someone who is exactly like you, but I personally wouldn't want to be married to someone who is okay with racism and anti-Semitism. The whole "he must be like them" has nothing to do with his wardrobe but with him being okay with their views. If he is actually married to her, which I don't think. 

Yeah, his body language says it all. As you said, he looked really friendly and comfortable with Celine and Dakota, and I haven't seen him that way with Alba. Not even once. With Alba, they always look like they are forced to be there, and they look so unnatural and fabricated. 

That kiss in front of the huge door so the paps could take photos and videos of them was so cringe-worthy. Private couple, my ass. And the wipe of his mouth...jeez. 

I also don't see any attraction. You can see when he has chemistry with someone, and he usually does have it with most people, but not with his own wife, I guess. He is more affectionate with friends and family members than with the love of his life. Yeah, they don't have to have a make-out session, but even if you just look at them, you can see the lack of intimacy. 

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: hiiii miss me? sorry about the lack of posting but june was a batshit crazy month for me and i’ve been dealing with a bit of writer’s block. i hate this title but 🤷🏼‍♀️ @making-it-big had prompted a fic where andrei was facetiming the kids while he’s away and this is what came of that idea! hope you guys enjoy 🥰

word count: 3k

tw: none! this is just some soft family cuteness

summary: while he’s on the road, andrei never misses a facetime call with you and the kids

The one thing you never forget though, is the nightly FaceTime with Andrei when he’s on the road. Every single road game is different when it comes to the call - sometimes they’re late at night and shorter, other times he’ll have time to talk for a while before they leave for the airport. It doesn’t matter where Andrei is, he FaceTimes you and the kids every day.

Tonight, the team’s in Columbus, after flying in from Detroit earlier in the afternoon. They have the night off before their game tomorrow. You only know the schedule because you have it all written out meticulously on the giant calendar in the kitchen. You had made fun of the calendar when some of the other older and more experienced WAGs had told you about it, but now it’s your saving grace. Otherwise you’d have basically no idea where in North America your husband is unless he’s next to you.

The kids are buzzing, excited to talk to Andrei and update him on the past few days. Evie and Alina jostle for their favored positions on the couch, eventually deciding that Alina gets to be wedged against the arm and Evie gets the other 2/3 of the couch cushion. You’re not sure how that ended up being the deal, but you’re not about to get involved in the careful negotiations between sisters. Kira, the ever unbothered middle child, wanders in and out of the den, various toys and snacks coming and going with her. “Hey,” you call out to her, stopping the five-year-old in her tracks. She looks up at you with wide eyes. “That’s the last Oreo,” you point at her, raising an eyebrow and crossing your index finger over your heart, your code with the kids that you’re serious and that they better promise to listen.

Kira blinks innocently at you and chirps, “yes, mommy!” in a tone that has you getting up from your squatted position at the coffee table and moving into the kitchen to take the family-sized pack of Oreos from a lower cabinet and moving it to a cabinet above the fridge. Kira pouts at you, clutching her remaining snacks in her hands.

“Remember when your tummy hurt because you ate too much cake at D’s birthday party and you puked on Daddy’s lap?” You ask, adjusting Maks in the carrier attached to your chest. The three-month-old yawns and presses his cheek to your chest, little eyelids fluttering shut.

“Oh,” Kira pulls a face, looking just like Andrei, “I didn’t like that. Puking was gross.”

You point at her, grinning, “too many Oreos before bed will make your tummy hurt and you might puke again.”

She looks scared, her eyes opening wide, and you almost feel bad for her. But then she looks down at the two Oreos clutched in her hands and shoves them both in her mouth, spewing crumbs as she shouts, “I don’t wanna puke, Mommy!” while running back into the den and around the dining room table.

“Your sister is such a little weirdo,” you murmur affectionately to Maks. The baby burrows his face close to your chest and you check the time over the stove - 6:43 - which means he’ll be up for a feed soon enough. Hopefully he’ll be awake while Andrei’s still on the call. Turning back to the den, you start to say, “girls, let’s give Daddy —“ stopping short when none of your children are in sight. Evie and Alina are gone from the couch and Kira isn’t in the room, although you can hear her singing to herself from behind a few walls. If you had to guess, she’s doing princess twirls in front of the full length mirror in the foyer.

You shake your head and mutter, “where the hell did they all go?”

Dimitri toddles into the room, blocks clutched in his chubby little baby hands. “Mama!” He shouts, holding the blocks up. “Yook!” You grin at his little speech impediment - he can’t say his Ls yet and they all sound like Ys. “Bocks”

“That’s right, buddy, blocks! Were you building something?” You take the blocks he offers you, holding the pair of them in one hand and taking his hand in your free one, leading him over to the couch so you can hopefully get this FaceTime call started.

“Bi’ding for mama,” he says proudly and you press a kiss to the top of his head, inhaling the scent of baby shampoo.

“Mama loves your building, but how about we call Papa?” You pitch your voice higher, infusing excessive excitement into your tone. Dimitri giggles and claps his hands.

“Papa! Papa!” He chants and while he’s distracted you reach over and tap at the screen of the iPad, swiping Andrei’s contact information and bringing up the FaceTime screen. Dimitri fidgets on the couch for the entire thirty seconds it takes for Andrei to answer, but once he sees Andrei’s face fill the screen, Dimitri shouts, “Papa!” and his face splits into a huge grin.

Andrei’s face is wearing a matching grin and he shouts back, “Dimka! How’s Papa’s big boy?”

You lean against the back of the couch while Dimitri babbles to Andrei, watching as your husband’s entire face lights up while they chat. Dimitri is Andrei’s little clone, if the baby pictures Elena sends are any indication, and when their faces are side by side like this, you can totally see it. Every so often, Andrei’s gaze slips over to look at you and he smiles, winking. You return the expression, one hand resting over Maks’s back. Dimitri could chatter about anything and everything, using his limited toddler vocabulary, and you shout up the stairs for the girls, still wondering where the older two went. Maks continues to sleep soundly, even after you’ve shouted for them twice - the fifth kid really learns to sleep anywhere and under any conditions.

“Coming!” Evie shouts back and then there she and Alina are, traipsing down the stairs in too long sweaters that you recognize from Andrei’s closet. They’re holding the hems of the sweaters in their hands like they’re princesses wearing ball gowns and it’s adorable. Both girls are tall for their age - the Svechnikov genes at work - but even still the sweaters hang to their ankles when they release the knit.

“What are you two doing?” You ask, pulling Alina back by her shoulder so you can twist her long hair up into a bun on top of her head. The seven-year-old is always wandering around with her hair in her face and you hate it, always worried she’s going to fall down the stairs because she can’t see anything.

Alina struggles under your hands, trying to get away from the bun, but you’re faster than she is and tie it off quickly before she runs off to the den, throwing herself onto the couch and interrupting Dimitri so she can start telling Andrei all about her day.

You turn to Evie and she looks a little shifty, but also extremely pleased with herself while she twists her fingers in the sleeves of Andrei’s sweater. “We just wanted Dad to know, like, because he wears the bracelets me and Al and Kira made for him when he plays in other places so we know that he misses us. We wanted to wear his sweaters when he calls so he knows we miss him,” she explains in a rambling, breathless monologue that has your tearing up with the sweetness of her gesture.

“How did we get so lucky with you?” You murmur, cupping her chin and kissing the top of her head. “Sweet as iced tea.”

She beams, happy with your praise, and runs off to join her brother and sister. You can hear her interrupt Alina’s story, talking over her sister to tell Andrei that she picked the sweaters special because she’s the oldest. Kira appears from somewhere, a juice box in her hand, and you shake your head. The four kids are piled on the couch, all talking over each other and not letting Andrei get a word in edgewise. From your spot behind the couch, you have a full view of his face and the completely adoring expression on his face. He’s smiling and laughing, trying to pay attention to all four of them at once and making it look easy.

Maks fusses against your chest and you look at the time, nearly 7:30, so while the kids are distracted and with Maks still strapped to your chest, you adjust so your breast is out and Maks can eat, wincing a little when he struggles for a second before latching on. The general chaos coming from the couch starts to cool off and one by one, the kids run out of things to say, starting to peel away from the screen. Kira disappears, as is her M.O. as the middle child, and Alina wiggles to the floor to start doing somersaults.

Dimitri is flat on his back on the couch, kicking his feet in the air, dangerously close to Evie’s head while she recounts the play date she had the day before. “And Mom said we get to watch the game tomorrow at Auntie Nykki’s so we get to see Gigi and are you suuuuure we can’t get a dog?” she finishes, deploying giant puppy dog eyes.

“I’m sure,” Andrei laughs, shaking his head. “It’s not fair to Mama, to have to take care of a dog and you crazy little goblins.”

“Buuuut….” Evie winds up to start begging, but you cut in.

“Eve, we talked about this. No puppy until you’re older, now time to say goodnight to Dad and head off to bed,” you ruffle her hair a little, bracing your hand against the back of Maks’s head when you lean forward a bit.

Andrei jumps in before Evie can protest, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay zaychik? Spokoynoy nochi.”

“Spokoynoy nochi,” Evie replies, blowing kisses through the screen. Alina and Kira appear for virtual goodnight kisses too and you hoist Dimitri onto your hip and give Andrei the “one-minute” gesture while you usher the girls upstairs and get their teeth brushed and tucked into bed.

With Dimitri still clinging to you like a koala and Maks fast asleep in a milk coma, you finally return to the den and drop down onto the couch. “Hi,” you grin at Andrei. Dimitri rests his head on your thigh and runs a toy car over the cushion, clearly fading but reluctant to sleep. He’ll be out in a few minutes and you’ll transition him to his bed.

“Hi,” Andrei grins back. “Miss you.”

“Miss you too,” you card your fingers through Dimitri’s fine blond hair. “They were on something different tonight. And just so you know, both girls are sleeping in your sweaters.”

He shifts from sitting on the hotel bed to lying back against the pillows, tucking one hand behind his head and hiding the colourful braided and beaded bracelets that Evie, Alina, and Kira had made him. A soft smile makes his dimple pop. “We got lucky with them,” he says.

“We did,” you adjust Maks in the carrier, pulling aside the fabric covering the back of his head so Andrei can see him a little better. You’re getting warm having sixteen pounds of baby strapped so close to your chest. “How’s Columbus?”

“Boring,” he snorts a laugh. His smile turns a little sly. “What are you wearing?”

You laugh a little, until a new and familiar voice chimes in. “Oh fuck no,” Martin Necas yelps. “You’ve got five fucking kids, don’t tell me that you’re still chatting her up like a twenty-something idiot.”

Marty’s been your husband’s roommate on the road for years now, but you didn’t realize that he’d been around while the kids were talking to Andrei.

On-screen, Andrei smirks, a cocky expression taking over his face, “how do you think we got five kids? The stork?”

A towel flies into view from off-screen, whacking Andrei in the face while he laughs. You giggle at their antics and Neci comes into view, poking his head in front of Andrei’s phone. “Don’t let him talk to you like that, you’ve got all the power. He’s fucking whipped,” he teases, ruffling his hand through damp hair.

“Don’t worry,” you grin. “I’ve got babies attached to my hip and spit up all over my shirt. No chance he finds this attractive.”

Andrei’s expression turns hungry and he scrubs a hand over his bearded chin, the rasp of his fingers over the hair sending a shiver down your spine. “Neci, cover your ears, I want to say something adult to my wife,” Andrei teases. “It’s not for the ears of children.”

“Fuck you,” Marty whips a pillow from his bed at Andrei. It lands with a hollow noise on Andrei’s stomach and he exhales heavily. “One, I’m older than you and two, your literal children are right there. You’re gonna be disgusting in front of them?”

You smother a laugh with your hand. “Dimitri is passed out,” you say, angling the iPad down so they can see the conked out toddler spread out starfish style on the couch, toy car held loosely in one hand. “And Maks is definitely out.” You show them the infant, his little rosebud mouth gaping open and his eyelids twitching as he dreams. “So you’re good to say whatever you want.”

“No, do not encourage him,” Marty groans. “I have to share a room with him.”

Andrei tosses the pillow back, but Marty was expecting it and catches the pillow in mid-air. “You know, I’m the Captain. I don’t have to share a room,” Andrei says.

“You’d miss me too much,” Marty grins, waggling his eyebrows. “If you two are going to be disgusting, I’m leaving.”

“Good, leave,” Andrei deadpans.

You click your tongue, “be nice! What kind of leadership are you displaying?”

“Yeah, listen to your wife,” Marty teases, getting out of bed and shoving his feet into a pair of slides. “I’m telling Roddy that you’re a shitty Captain.”

He shoves at Andrei’s shoulder on his way out, waving to you. The door clicks shut behind him and you shake your head at Andrei, “you two are terrible.”

Andrei waves a hand in the air, grinning. “Neci’s dealt with worse from me on the road. I ever tell you about the food poisoning incident?”

“No,” you wince, “and I don’t want to know.” You yawn and apologize. “Sorry, baby. I’m exhausted.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there,” he replies, rubbing at his chin again. He pauses and you’re both quiet for a bit, just soaking up the other’s presence. Dimitri’s hand goes completely slack and he drops the toy car to the floor. You kick it slightly under the coffee table so you don’t step on it later. Andrei coughs a little, “it’s only been a couple days, but it feels like they’re different. Bigger.”

“The only one that really grew this week is this guy,” you pat Maks’s diapered bottom. “Gained another pound from his last checkup.”

Andrei grins. He sits up and pushes his hair off his forehead, leaning closer to the screen. “That’s my boy,” he chuckles. “How big is he now?”

“Sixteen pounds,” you laugh, shifting him against your chest. “He’s in the eightieth percentile for his age, Drei.”

“Big boy,” Andrei replies.

“Takes after his Daddy,” you blow him a kiss, yawning again. “I know it’s not even nine, but I really need to sleep for a bit before tiny Hulk wakes up for his next feeding.”

Andrei nods. “I know, I’m sorry I kept you up. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” you tuck Maks back into the carrier so you can bring boy boys upstairs easier. “But you’ll be home in two days and then I’m happily passing off parenting duties to you.”

“I can’t wait, solnyshka,” Andrei says seriously, eyes twinkling at the prospect of being back home. “And once I handle parenting, I have a few things I’d like to do with you.”

You laugh, “those adult things that you kicked Marty out of the room to say?”

Andrei hums and affirmative. “I never even got to say them.” His lower lip pokes out in a pout, a childish expression in direct contrast with his beard and blown pupils.

“I’ll use my imagination,” you assure him. “I love you.”

“Love you,” he puckers his lips at you in a kiss and you tap the screen, ending the call. You skimp back against the couch for a minute, resting, before you get to your feet and lift Dimitri’s toddler dead weight into your arms to bring him up to bed. Once you’ve checked and reassured yourself that all five kids are asleep and tucked in bed, you finally crawl into your own bed and pass out for a bit before getting up to feed Maks. You’re so ready for Andrei to come home.

When he does come home, two days later, he bounds through the front door full of energy, swinging you into a kiss that makes you laugh and swooping the two closest children - Kira and Dimitri - up into his arms. They squeal with excitement that Daddy is home. The older two girls are at school and Andrei insists on being the one to pick them up, buckling Kira and Dimitri into their car seats and taking the fully loaded Navigator to the school.

He has the windows rolled down and the three of them wave at you while he backs down the driveway. Andrei at the wheel of the Navigator with all the children in tow is a much different picture than Andrei behind the wheel of his string of ugly coloured Lamborghinis.

His grin though, that full, missing-toothed, dimpled smile? That grin is the same on your thirty-six year old husband as it was on the twenty-one year old golden retriever of a boy you fell in love with.

[thisonewhocanbreathe]

SCREAM Social Media AU (Tara x Reader)

warnings: no ghostface au, use of y/n, reader is implied to be a woman, friends swearing and being assholes (affectionately) to each other, everybody is alive, my poor attempts at being funny, maybe some grammatical errors? bear with me x)

author's note: i didn't have enough inspiration to include kirby and i am sad abt it.

@y/n.l/n

if you don't give me all your money within exactly 0.0000001 sec i will kiss this woman in front of your children be scared

liked by @tara.c, @ani.ka and 34 others

@chad-meeks.m wtf y/n??

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n i'm just tryna scare the homophobes away from my followers bro

╰─▸ @mindy.m-martin you literally have like ten followers and half of them are just us??

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n so??? maybe ur homophobic too actually. u have a weird relationship with gay women

╰─▸ @mindy.m-martin yea?? i fuck them??

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n that's sus af idc

@tara.c time's up motherfuckers

╰─▸ @chad-meeks.m tara???

╰─▸ @tara.c it's a canon event you can't interfere :D

@amber.freewoman stop finding excuses and just make out already omg

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n STFU???

@sam.c Do NOT kiss my sister, you absolute weirdo!

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n HOMOPHOBIC BEHAVIOR RIGHT HERE OFFICER!! AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF SAM WTF I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE LIKE THAT o_O

╰─▸ @sam.c DON'T KISS MY SISTER.

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n FUCKING PAY ME.

╰─▸ @sam.c NO??

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n too bad then :)

@d.brackett why tf was that on my feed

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n bc i'll FEED u with gayness and rainbows if u don't FEED me with money <3

╰─▸ @d.brackett yea well enjoy your makeout session ig

╰─▸ @y/n.l/n thank u!!! :D

@ani.ka i'd pay both of you to kiss actually

╰─▸ @liv agreed. it'd be about fucking time

╰─▸ @quinn.bailey i'm starting an agreed chain

╰─▸ @wes.hicks i'm not agreeing.

╰─▸ @tara.c no one gives a fuck :)

@richie.k lesbian heritage post lmao

╰─▸ @quinn.bailey bro thought we were on tumblr lmfao 💀

╰─▸ @richie.k girl thought we were on facebook using those deadass cringe emojis lmfao

╰─▸ @mindy.m-martin tHaT eScAlAtEd qUiCkLy

╰─▸ @quinn.bailey THE SAME WAY UR MOM WILL WHEN I'LL FUCKING GO DOWN ON HER.

╰─▸ @mindy.m-martin my brother in christ you need to calm tf down??

╰─▸ @quinn.bailey sorry i got kinda carried away lol

╰─▸ @ethan.l 'kinda'?? 💀

╰─▸ @wes.hicks nah man you can't just pop up outta nowhere go back to sleep

╰─▸ @ethan.l yes sir

@tara.c i'm waiting hehe

╰─▸ @y.n/l.n I'M HERE IN 0.0000001 SEC

╰─▸ @tara.c you better be <3

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[siriusblack-the-third]

ok, any headcanons on james that compliment the ones you've done for sirius?

i absolutely loved those and i'm really curious about james

HELL YEAH LETS GO

ADHD. This dude has to be moving, fidgeting, doing something, always. It tires him, and he sleeps very soundly for a full seven hours. Doesn't wake up even for earthquakes (Sirius once did a mini earthquake spell on the dorm room floor in the middle of the night as a prank. It did not wake him.)

Wakes up at an ungodly fucking hour. He doesn't own an alarm clock (it has no effect on him), but his internal clock is set to wake him up at exactly 4:30 in the morning for quidditch practice. He is done with jogging through the entire castle, half an hour of yoga, and an hour of quidditch before 7 A.M. rolls around. Sirius calls him "a demon from muggle hell" for it.

The only one who can keep up with Sirius' intelligence. He is scarily smart, but because most of his time is invested in quidditch and pranks, nobody realises just how smart he is until the results are handed out and he's right there next to Sirius on the top of the rankings. Both of them are always exchanging ranks 1 and 2 on overall performance. It annoys Snape and Lily to no end, because those two are always exchanging ranks 3 and 4 on the list.

The definition of Reckless. If Sirius hadn't stopped him, he would probably have turned the castle to rubble in less than five minutes. This was the exact reason why people (who were in the know) were surprised when Sirius was the one that sent Snape to Moony. They had all thought it would be James' fault.

A fucking bookworm. My dude reads literally everything from mystery to romance to encyclopaedias to research papers to fucking dictionaries of different languages. Even when he doesn't speak the language, the weirdo (affectionate and derogatory).

Indian. Specifically, from Pune city, Maharashtra.

About languages, he's learnt a lot of them. The order of learning of languages, starting from his native tongue, is thus: Marathi, Sanskrit, Hindi, English, Ancient Greek, Tamil, French and Latin. He learnt the first six at home, and French and Latin from Sirius. He's good with languages.

Photographic memory. The reason he never has to study, and also the fact that he understands everything he reads on the first try.

He and Sirius both have twelve OWLs and eight NEWTs. They have Outstandings in all of them.

My dude has the widest, largest doe eyes possible. The only people who can withstand them for more than two minutes are his parents and Sirius.

Bharatanatyam dancer. Has his Visharad certificate, and genuinely enjoys dancing. Gives at least three evenings per week for dance practice to keep up his muscle memory.

Doesn't actually hate Slytherins. Neither does Sirius. Both of them have several friends from the house of Serpents, they just hate the ones that actively use Dark Magic on muggleborns, and Snape and his gang are a part of that.

Lmao the sheer arrogance in him, oh my fucking Gods—

Doesn't give a shit about the rules set by other people (unless they're set by his parents), but has a set of rules for himself that he strictly follows. No one can tell what these rules are, but he has them and he follows them. At the top of that list, there is "never betray your loved ones". He followed that one until his death.

Nevertheless, he will break every single rule. Every. Single. Rule. For Sirius. For Sirius, he will do anything, from taking care of him when he's sick to burning the world for him.

The Hat would actually have put him in Slytherin, except he had no ambitions except to cause chaos at the tiny age of eleven years. Otherwise, he's almost a perfect fit for Slytherin— determined, strong willed, cunning enough to pull difficult pranks, resourceful (because how else you gon plan epic pranks?)

He went to Gryffindor for three reasons and three reasons only: Sirius was there, he had no particular ambition, he wanted to be with Sirius.

M O T H E R H E N. Such a mother hen, but only for a select few people (the marauders, Lily, and Harry). He doesn't give a fuck about anyone else, but these are my people and if I weren't here they would literally get themselves killed put of household related incompetence how are you still alive by the Gods—

Follows ancient Vedic religion (because I do hehe)

Very very panromantic. Demisexual.

Had a crush on Sirius for a short while in fourth year, and then on Frank Longbottom in sixth year after he had one (1) glance at the older boy dressed in full Auror robes.

Loved his mother so much omg he was such a Mama's boyyy

Gave shit to Remus for looking like a professor at the tender age of fifteen, but wanted to become a Transfiguration Professor himself. He was also excellent at Potions (another reason Snape hated him) but decided ultimately that Transfiguration was his calling

Was in his last year of his Transfiguration Mastery on Samhain of 81.

Died with a Killing Curse on his lips. He was ready to cast it wandlessly, for his wife and child. Died with a Killing Curse on his lips.

[lizzy-bonnet]

Austenian Dads

A recent post about mothers-in-law by @bethanydelleman had me thinking about the dads in Jane Austen. We get a lot of discourse about mothers and mother figures, who have big, important roles in the stores, but her depictions of fatherhood are interesting too. Here, in my opinion, are the dads and dad-like figures in her novels, ranked from best to worst.

(note: I've left out deceased and barely-there dads, but I will note that Mr. Dashwood's attempt to look out for his daughters, and the amount of grief occasioned by his death, indicate that he is a Top Dad.)

Mr. Musgrove - Notwithstanding "poor Richard", Mr. Musgrove has three reasonably well-adjusted adult children, seems to love his younger children, and goes to his daughter's bedside when she is injured. His children all make Sensible Matches, and he likes kids enough to permit the little Harvilles to be brought back to Uppercross to increase its noise. He folds my beloved Anne into his family and treats her affectionately whenever she is with them. By the standards of the day, he seems pretty solid. 8/10 Least Bad Dad.

Sir John Middleton - Like Mr. Musgrove, Sir John is a people person. His immediate and unreserved adoption of the Dashwoods in their hour of need tells us that he is an unambiguously good-hearted person, which usually leads to loving parenting. His kids are young so we don't see him interacting much with them, but his desire to give everyone a nice time bodes well. He doesn't notice when his teasing goes to far. 7/10 definitely tells the same dad joke over and over.

Mr. Bennet - As a reader I love him because he's pithy, but he's honestly not a great dad, and is not modeling a happy marriage for his daughters. He shows favouritism to Lizzy, lets Lydia run wild, is hurtful towards Mary and Kitty, and fails to save up any money to bribe worthless young men to marry his daughters. 5/10 for putting all his eggs in the "having a son" basket and then doing nothing when the handle on the basket breaks.

Lt. Price - Loud, embarrassing, shiftless. Ignores his daughters but seems to maybe do OK with his sons? 3.5/10, tops.

Sir Walter Elliot - This fucking guy, am I right? He's vain, he's self-obsessed, he's a spendthrift, and he's a dreadful parent. His eldest daughter is his favourite and he basically forgets Anne and Mary exist when they're not directly in front of him (and sometimes doesn't notice them even when they are). His favouritism has damaged Anne and Mary in different ways to Mr. Bennet's to his younger daughters, but the source is the same: he has one child who is like him and others that he doesn't click with, so he basically lets them shift for themselves. In the Elliot household I'm certain this means that sensitive Anne was left to grieve her mother without any comfort from her father. It's no wonder she was ready to marry the first loving man she saw. When he sees her looking well, he thinks it's down to her skin care regimen. 3/10 merely Gowland's.

Sir Thomas Bertram - Poor Fanny, her father figures are both the pits. Sir Thomas knows absolutely zero about what any of his kids are like and can't see how bad Aunt Norris's influence is on all of them. He swings wildly between neglectful and overbearing, and then tries to pressure Fanny into marrying Henry Crawford despite his attentions making her visibly miserable. He also knows perfectly well that Fanny is shy, and yet does not give her any warning that he's throwing a ball for her coming out, plus he sends her home to Portsmouth as a sort of weirdo punishment to make her see what she's missing by not marrying Henry. 2/10 points and he really only gets these for 1. offering to free Maria from her engagement and 2. getting a fire in Fanny's grate, even if he left it until WAY too late to do her much good.

General Tilney - the closest Austen gives us to a villainous parent. The General is dictatorial to his children, oppressive around the house and occasionally creepy towards Catherine. This is made apparent by the fact that the Abbey suddenly becomes much more fun when he goes off to London. He shows himself the ultimate Bad Dad by tossing his daughter's friend out of the house without explanation and hardly the resources to get herself home. 0/10 Gothic Tyrant Dad.

[sashkapi]

What are your headcanons regarding Kyle and Jackie? I think it’s great that they were shown as friends in that particular episode.

Furthermore, why did you decide to alter your Kick Buttowski design? I don’t mind it, in fact, I think it looks really great, but I thought the previous one was fantastic.

To anwser latter first: Mostly because I missed his giant stupid collar (affectionate). Additionally, I felt like I kinda failed to make him look older in the previous design (he is supposed to be 15-ish) and I didn't like the silhouette that much so yeah.

My previous design is still "canon" in my interpretation, tho. It's his emo phase jgjkskfkd

OH YEAH, FERAL GREMLINS HEADCANONS LES GO

(Combining the two)

1. After some time Kyle's family moved in in the Mellowbrook, much to Kick's disdain. He lives on the other side of the city and goes to a different school but his visits are much more frequent now.

2. Jackie’s parrot name is "Captain SKKBRM". The last part is composed of first letters of her idols. And yes, there is a reason S comes before K. 

3. Jackie is low-key Kyle's translator. If Kyle has to say something important he goes so far off-topic with a verbal version of "wall of text" so the important part kinda gets lost. Jackie, however, can listen to him about the time he tried to tame a raccoon and say "Oh, so tomorrow's event is gonna start an hour early! Got it!"

4. Kick did talk to them about his boundaries and they more or less respected them, which allowed both Jackie and Kyle to hang out with him more often without Kick trying to escape. They're still wacky weirdos, but at least Kick tolerates them, so there's progress. 

5. While Kick tolerates them, Gunther is actually their friend. Gunther also still thinks they're wack, but to him, they're more of a "funny kind of wack". Also, they are just as casually dramatic as Gunther, so you know they would get along.

6. They have a private weekly game of "Who got more trivia about Kick". They're neck in neck in it most of the time.

7. Kyle and Ronaldo met only once and Ronaldo’s take away from that encounter is "Buttowskis must be studied in a lab. What is wrong with this family?"

8. They are besties your honor. That's it.

9. Kyle has ADHD. He was diagnosed pretty recently, and it changed the way he is treated by his close and extended family. Whenever Kyle isn't with Jackie - Kick is just way more chill and mellow with him and would hang out with him if Kyle asks. While Brad and Brianna still don't like Kyle that much, they will give you a side eye if you try to insult him by pointing out how annoying and talkative he is. 

10. On that topic - Jackie is neurotypical. She IS just a weirdo. Her reaction to learning that Kyle has ADHD was "Who is Aydee and why are they HD? Is that a camera? DID YOU GET A CAMERA THAT CAN FINALLY CAPTURE HOW AWESOME KICK IS?!" 

After learning what ADHD is - literally nothing changed with Jackie and Kyle's friendship.

11. After a while Kyle got into sewing and knitting. It wasn't surprising for anyone. The boy loves puppets, and it was only a matter of time before he started making clothes for them. 

12. Jackie on the other hand enjoys carpentry when she's... Y'know... Not stalking Kick. She carves little puppets for Kyle sometimes too.

Yes, she did carve a wooden statue of Kick, why do you ask?

13. After Kick and Kendall started dating and Jackie started to consistently obsess over Kendall as well, Kyle was a bit worried. He really values Jackie as a friend and was afraid that their friendship is based on their obsession with his cousin, so Jackie getting a new idol made him worry.(Kyle knows Kendall and is neutral about her unlike Jackie) When it came to light, Jackie’s response to that "Dude, Kick's fan or not, you're my best friend! That's like, even better than being my idol!" 

They are weirdos and they will stick together your honor :)

14. Jackie’s dad is an absent dad. Jackie thinks that she doesn't have a dad, but it never bothers her that much. 

That is to say: her dad is a celebrity, and there's a reason Jackie’s mom really doesn't like Kick.

I love them ur honor

[artiststarme]

What If Steve Were To Leave Hawkins? Part 9

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Finally, a happy chapter! Thanks to everyone for your suggestions in the comments of Part 8. You all seem really mad at the kids (you're not the only ones lol). What do you guys want to happen next? I have a couple ideas but would love to hear your opinions!

~*~*~*~

As soon as Steve passed the Welcome to Hawkins sign, a thrum of anxiety made its way through his body. When he left not so long ago, he couldn’t imagine himself going back so soon, if ever, really. At the time, he had thought that no one wanted him here and that no one would even notice his abrupt departure. Eddie had changed his mind. While the others may not have cared about him, or at least didn’t display it in the right way, Eddie did. Eddie wanted him around to talk to and had fallen in love with him despite his many faults. 

Steve carefully drove through the sleepy town before pulling up to Eddie’s new trailer at Forest Hills. With a deep breath, or two or three, he turned his car off and walked up to the door. Before he could even knock, the door swung open. Steve was met with the view of his very relieved, very upset, and teary-eyed best friend. As he stood there, very confused, Robin shook her head and threw herself into his arms with an affectionate, “Dingus”.

Steve let out a bewildered chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her, “Hey Robs. What’re you doing here?”

Robin didn’t move from her position with her head resting against Steve’s chest as she tearfully answered him. “I was paying a visit to Eddie to tell him off for not telling me that he was talking to you. Where have you been, dingus?”

Steve shrugged his shoulders, his arms still circling Robin. “Downtown Chicago. I found a nice coffee shop and the owner offered me a job and the upstairs unit. Seemed too good to pass up, you know?”

Robin hummed and leaned back from him, “That makes sense. You look like a city boy with the hair and the polos.”

“Was that an insult?” Steve grinned at their usual banter and lightly pushed her shoulder. “How are your shifts going without me? Mr. Brown making you want to stab yourself in the eye with an ice pick yet?”

Robin grimaced, “oh my god, yes! He was talking to me for thirty minutes the other day about the merits of monochrome television. I don’t know how you were able to deal with him every day to be honest.”

Steve smirked, “mostly with my unending patience. But tuning out and nodding every now and then helped too.”

She smiled at him, “I’ve missed you, Dingus. What’re you doing back here so soon?”

Steve looked over her head to see Eddie vigorously shaking a decorative cushion before karate chopping a dent into the now-plopped pillow. He shook his head, this is the weirdo he fell in love with. Still, he turned back to Robin and sighed, “I’m here to take him on an emotional support road trip. We’re going to see the sights, eat the food, live it up, you know?”

He could tell she really didn’t know but she still nodded and pulled him through the doorway of the trailer from which he had been standing for the past several minutes. Eddie was gazing at the pair with a soft expression. Steve would gander a guess and say that was love. Robin looked between the two and decided that the mutual looks were disgusting, in an insufferable but completely loving and understanding sort of way. Steve took a step closer to Eddie and gave him an enthusiastic, albeit awkward, finger wiggling wave. 

“Hey Eddie! So, I’m kind of beat from driving here so do you mind if we stay here tonight and take off in the morning? I’ll take you out for breakfast once we get outta town.”

Eddie just straightened his posture, resolutely nodded to himself, and moved toward Steve. He put both of his hands on the sides of Steve’s jaw and gently pulled his face to his. Their lips met in a gentle kiss that caused sparks to shock both of them. When the short kiss ended, Steve felt dazed and content. “Wow. That was, that was just… wow. I’m happy to see you too, Eds.”

Eddie shyly smiled before leaning back and pulling Steve into a bruising and all-encompassing hug. “I missed you, man.”

Meanwhile, Robin stared at the two in shock. What the hell had happened in such a short amount of time? Last she was aware, Steve was straight. But it seems that Steve had no preference for gender when it came to cute individuals with curly hair, angular features, and big eyes. She loudly cleared her throat and with another hug to her platonic soulmate along with a promise for him to call and a sticky note with his new number on it, she made her way out of the trailer and to her own car, a graduation present from her parents. 

She’s sure both of them had plenty to talk about without her looking over their shoulders.

~*~*~*~

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Steve Harrington was a great kisser. The best, in fact, if one were to ask Eddie. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t spent much of his high school years helplessly pining for Steve, hoping against all hope that the younger boy would one day develop an inkling of interest. Now here they were and Eddie had never felt so delighted. 

They didn’t do anything more than that on this night. Eddie was still wrought with guilt and horror from his encounter with the kids. Meanwhile, Steve was exhausted from driving so far and from the whiplash of emotions he’d gotten throughout the day. And so, both boys brushed their teeth and stumbled into Eddie’s room for some much-needed rest. 

They held each other while they spoke in hushed tones about their future endeavors in Chicago and mundane information such as each others’ favorite colors (Steve’s favorite was blue while Eddie’s was green). Then they held each other throughout their sleep in which Eddie’s face found the junction of Steve’s neck and shoulder while Steve’s arms wrapped around Eddie’s shoulder like a vengeful octopus. While it may seem uncomfortable after the fact, it was the best sleep that either boy had ever had. 

When they woke up in the morning, they had a moment of peace just staring into each other's eyes and feeling as though everything was right in the world. But once Steve saw the time on Eddie’s alarm clock, 11:27 AM, everything commenced in a rush. Steve yanked Eddie out of bed, forced him to get dressed and finish packing, and hopped in the shower for all of two minutes before borrowing Eddie’s clothes. And that put them even more behind schedule because Eddie couldn’t focus on any of his tasks when he saw Steve wearing his clothes. How could he? It was like the vest incident times a thousand. 

Unfortunately, Steve clued into this fact quickly and made his way out to have coffee with Wayne. He and Wayne chatted about Chicago and some of the reasons Steve had left Hawkins, mainly the kids that had deposited themselves firmly on Wayne’s shit-list after making Eddie cry. Steve tried to alleviate his anger a little bit but Wayne was not to be assuaged. Those kids had some serious ass-kissing to do before he even considered forgiving them for messing with his boy. 

Once Eddie finished getting ready, he joined them for coffee and anecdotes. After two cups each, they were out the door with not another minute to waste. Chicago had no idea what was coming for it. What they didn’t see was Max rushing out of her trailer just seconds after the Beemer pulled away from the Munson’s trailer. They didn’t notice her jumping and trying unsuccessfully to run after the car to flag them down. And they weren’t aware of her frantic walkie message to the other Party members, not that it would affect them much. No, instead they hit the open road with enthusiasm and Iron Maiden blasting through the car’s speakers. There was no way they would rather have it. 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20: Epilogue

Taglist:@nickavalens@conversesweetheart@themostunoriginalpersonever@swimmingbirdrunningrock@eddiethegreatteddybear @call-me-big-eyes @cornwallisandkerley @moonshadows-13 @glittergluekintsugi @cpidcupk @doubleb11 @mentalcyborg @amoris-no-smut-allowed @purple-lemonade @labels-are-for-the-weak @thebrazilianatheist @rajumat @livelaughlexa @5ammi90 @colorful565 @marvelousforlife @chaoticcoffeequeen @gregre369 @suddenlyinlove@thegreatmistake @stillfullofshit @nburkhardt @batxsignalsx @newunknowns @thosemessyvibes @tailsfromthecrypt@luciana-rowan @bird-with-pencils @adaed5 @lolawon @flustratedcas @iwillfindmyneverland @messrs-weasley @skoomy-doompy @yearningagain @darkwitchoferie @forest-fogg @bitchysunflower @stardust-era@newtstabber@bobatrash-queen @notjasontxdd @ohlook-afrog@00biscuit @grtwdsmwhr @oxidantdreamboat @the-witch-forever-lives @estrellami-1 @whatthemeepever @a-simple-gaywitch @imzadidragonfly @freddykicksasses @krimsonsimp @delta-piscium @anaibis @tinynebula

[debtdeath]

for the ship hcs ask game: flashfire (or just scout & pyro platonically) hcs? opinions? hotel?

(prompt: "Send me a ship + a word, and I’ll tell you the first headcanon that comes to mind!")

you absolutely sent me more material to work with than the prompt asked, which rocks. happy to talk about scout and pyro platonically and/or romantically tbh! for the sake of this being the first time i talk about them (i think) i'll keep it PG but feel free to follow up if you wanna hear NSFW stuff 👍

general opinion:

i think they're neat together! a lot of people are reluctant to ship them together romantically which is like, fair enough etc but it feels like that'd be overlooking their potential for both chaos for the sake of chaos (fun!) and true tenderness between two people who generally might feel pretty misunderstood and isolated from the rest of the team for various reasons (also fun!).

because theyre both on offensive roles i can see them interacting regularly On The Job as well which is always great to write imo.

headcanons:

i generally think scout and pyro are close friends even before becoming romantically involved or whatever...

i like the idea of scout being a bit scared of pyro at first because they're a big question mark, but because scout is this person who finds any challenge worth his time he takes it upon himself to be The First Who Befriends That Weirdo (affectionate).

he'll learn how to decipher pyro's mumbling and learn sign language (which also helps on the battlefield where it's often loud!).

scout is of course extremely curious about what's under the mask but he doesn't pry. none of his business. but if pyro ends up revealing themselves you know he'll be like 👀👀👀

pyro's just glad someone's willing to stick around with them! they don't mind being a loner but like, company is always nice.

they probably also feel pretty >:) about scout—this big talker jock and generally annoying dickhead—being actually nice to them. the power they hold over him... i reckon they feel pretty good about it.

scout strikes me as a romantic regardless of who he's paired up with, and pyro seems like a cuddler so i think their relationship as Lovers would be soooo sweet... inseparable and always goofing around and laughing and pulling (sometimes VERY dangerous) pranks on their teammates.

they're two fucked up little guys who somehow find each other in a weird fucked up world <3

now to specifically get to The Prompt from the ask LMFAO... hotel HUH...

i can imagine a scenario where they have to spend the night in some kind of motel for a duo contract or something and it's (gasp) a room with twin beds bc why would it be a double bed? fanfiction is contrived man (winks knowlingly at the person reading this)...

anyway scout checks in on his own bc he doesnt want pyro's Appearance to alarm the reception lady (little does he know that the lady would think absolutely NOTHING of it, she's seen worse, she's been workin this reception desk for 30 years you know), grabs the key and then gets both him and pyro in.

i think as soon as they get in they jump on the beds like trampolines because The Urge To Have Fun is too strong lmao.

i feel like they first sleep separately but then scout maybe notices pyro having bad dreams or tossing and turning so he just ends up snuggling up with pyro to comfort them :) or it could be the other way around if you want really, i think neither of them is truly free from insomnia, night terrors, and PTSD lol.

i feel like i could go on and just write a ficlet from just this idea but i'll stop here LOL thank you so much for indulging me!

[lawlietscaramels]

okay okay okay I know you said no stories (understandable the holidays wiped me out too agshwsj) but I just got this random idea in my head and I could wait...!

So you know how voice filters are so normal now? even copying VA's to a seriously convincing level. What if people started using L's usual voice filter? Like nothing malicious, just people posting the craziest shit using THE detective L voice.

voice clips, shit posts, thirst traps, tiktok sounds of his public challenge on kira, people hating and simping on main and L can only helplessly watch. His pride won't allow him to change the filter he uses he made that himself it's his damnit! it'd be useless anyways, they'd just copy that too .

What can he do? are there legal repercussions? can he even copyright that? or is he doomed to be the biggest meme for the next 3 months like all public figures are subject to in life? Does L even notice?

So can I request an L-centric headcanon for this? You don't have to do it right away! Write whenever you feel like it! I just thought it'd be funny. Have a happy holiday!✨

–🍰 anon

That's My Voice! ╾ L

PFFTJSBAHHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE?! this is the best way to start of 2024 pfft

also I have rested and relaxationed™ so I am doing a hc/story snippet mix!

okay okay yes. let's go.

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

It's hard to say how quickly L would notice if this happened. Perhaps on the first day; perhaps he'd remain oblivious until it all blew over. the former is more likely than the latter.

but oh gosh once he notices...

Putting the key in the lock and turning it, you expected to find L standing right in the doorframe to greet you, the affectionate weirdo that he is. But he's staring in horror at one of the monitors lighting the room, mouth wide open and a lollipop forgotten in his mouth.

"y/n, they've stolen my voice!"

he probably hasn't encountered this kind of technology outside of like, criminals faking voices to commit crime or whatever so he's completely confused as to how and why ordinary citizens are using the voice filter he spent months of his childhood tinkering with.

they should make their own! can't he use copyright or something?!

"Oh, don't worry so much, L. It's just a trend, it will blow over quickly! There is no harm in them having fun."

He throws his arms in the air and for a moment you're concerned he's going to tip his seat over again. "What do you mean there's no harm?! They are 'simping,'" with the most dramatic air quotes you have ever seenー L must have learnt the term and immediately decided it did not deserve to be a wordー "for a cartoon man named Miguel from Arachnid-Man! In my voice, y/n!"

And you burst out laughing, which doesn't seem to help at all.

L goes silent and furious for a good hour as he desperately searches for a way to stop this from happening. I don't know the copyright laws myself, but I imagine as it isn't L's real voice and he likely wouldn't have seen the need to apply for a patent (or whatever equivalent there is to protect a voice filter), he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

he would still seriously consider taking these good-for-nothings to court though...

You watch with both a- and bemusement as L taps his bottom lip over and over, fast.

"L," you say, "what are you thinking?"

It's not a good sign when that British accent begins to fall over his words. "I am weighing up how likely it is I would win a court case to sue for millions, strip these imbeciles of the right to technology, and publicly humiliate them. Do you think we could bring back tar-and-feathering...?"

DO NO T LET HIM. hahags it will take a solid hour or more of convincing but L will eventually give up, pouting and dedicatedly following the hashtag #iamLtoo

he might actually learn a lot about popular culture

he might also fall out of his chair in shock and cry

so, you win some, you lose some. maybe it's best to just take away his browsing privileges and remind him of whatever case he's working on. DISTRACT DISTRACT!

you're right, his pride would definitely stop him from trying to stop these "trollers" (he called them trolleys at least three times) via changing his voice filter. He made it himself, he won't give it up because of some teen living in their parents' garage!!! Though he might try to rig a program to detect people using it and delete their accounts or whatever

not sure how to segue into this one but here's another story bit

After finally calming L down and reminding him the tar-and-feather punishment was abolished for a reason, you manage to get into bed for some rest. To your surprise, L joins you, staring expressionlessly at the ceiling. This is what he always does when thinking, so you assume his mind is on the case and he's forgotten about the whole voice fiasco until he starts... cackling.

"L..."

Yep, there's a good chance he'll swing from "this is the most horrible thing that's ever happened to me ever!!??'!;;'!;';!!;"! :(" to quoting the memes.

he might actually really enjoy some of them.

though it's hard to tell if he genuinely thinks some of what these "trolleys" are doing is creative and amusing or if it's just a coping strategy for the next few months.

well, that is until he makes a subtle reference to the most viral of the videos in his next address to the public...

after that I'm afraid the craze sets off once again

L will sit back and watch with a smile

though if one of the uses of his voice filter insults him the whole thing is shut down faster than you can say tar-and-feathers

"You're a strange man, you know that?"

"So is this 'Miguel' character."

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜

©lawlietscaramels. Do not repost on other sites, claim as your own work, edit, rewrite or “fix,” feed to AI or otherwise use unethically.