#weirdly last time I finished a placement I actually had a little cry

[insomnia-and-caffeine]

clinicals are starting again from tomorrow so if I vanish just assume that the terror fully consumed me, mind, body, and spirit. I know I’ll be fine. I’m confident that I won’t fail. I did pretty decently last time. But bro I can’t even find the words to describe the fear in my heart.

Also 80 hours of unpaid work sounds pretty Not Great. To remind myself that all things pass I’ll add to this post over the next two weeks and hopefully look back on it next time pracs roll around and feel some type of hope knowing I survived (🤞)

[consumeconstantly]

Summer Photography (aka the thirst trap)

Summary: Marinette is forced to take pictures for Gabriel in order to pay for her summer graduation trip with her best friends from lycee. Adrien, her primary model, wants to avoid the summer heat and pulls in one very attractive bad-boy motorcycle man to be his replacement.

_______________________________________________________

July in Gotham comes with an almost rancid kind of heat.

The kind of heat that is impossible to banish unless the air conditioning is set to 65 degrees and there’s a dehumidifier in the room. The kind of heat that makes babies cry with discomfort and adults curse whenever they have to take a foot outside. The only age population that enjoys it are the teens. More precisely, the teens are more fans of being on summer vacation, rather than the sticky warmth, but they find ways to work with the heat, rather than against it. Some teens gather on apartment rooftops, taking in the rare, smoggy breeze with pleasure. Others frequent their local swimming pool, an ice cream parlor or convenience store. If they get really desperate, they take shelter in the library.

Should a teen be forced out onto the muggy sidewalks full of sweaty bodies, they drift towards parks or areas of ‘city beautification’ and find a tree to rest their weary bodies under. 

Of course, there are always exceptions to these norms. 

“Marinette,” Adrien groans, sweat on his brow. “Can we please do this not during peak heat?”

“No,” Marinette says. “Your father insisted on having pictures of a male model at precisely two in the afternoon, and it took me months to convince him to let us come on this trip, so we’re not going to do anything to jeopardize it.”

“It’s not like he can do anything now. We’re literally an ocean away.”

“Suck it up, sunshine,” Marinette swats her hand at a lazy fly, not bothering to look up from changing the lens on her camera. “Maybe I’d let you get away with a substitution. Gabriel didn’t specify that the person in the pictures had to be you, but we don’t know anyone in Gotham, and everyone we’ve come across so far isn’t exactly the friendly sort.”

Adrien flicks the collar of his t-shirt, desperately trying to generate some sort of a breeze so he doesn’t melt. “This is all Nino’s fault. He and Alya insisted on going to that couple’s show when he could have been out here, taking my place. If Luka were here, he wouldn’t have deserted me like that.”

“We all know of your and Luka’s undying love for one another, but he is busy touring. He’ll meet up with us in New York, though, and you can have your disgustingly sweet love-fest over there. Meanwhile, I’ll be forever alone.”

“Don’t put yourself down like that, Marinette. At least five people in each city we’ve gone to so far have tried to go on dates with you.”

She crinkles her nose and does a test shot, making sure the light setting works out. “Yeah, but they all reeked of desperation and alcohol. Plus, at least two of them were just looking for a person to cheat with.”

“No good,” Marinette says, frowning at the shadows the tree cast. “Gabriel won’t be happy with these kinds of photos. You’re going to have to move out of the shade.”

“No!” Adrien wails. “I refuse! It’s bad enough that you dragged me out here, but to make me go in the sun? You know I burn easily.”

“Yeah, yeah drama queen, but these photos aren’t going to take themselves, and I’m one hundred percent sure that you don’t want to have to do this twice. Which is what we’ll end up having to do if you don’t get your little butt out into the sun so we can take quality shots.”

Adrien whines before a motorcycle revs in the not so far distance. A very Chat Noir smile creeps onto his face. “I don’t think I will. I’ve just found my substitute.”

Marinette follows his gaze, then shrugs. “If you think you can convince him to substitute in, you’re free to go. But remember, it’s Gotham, and if you get jumped, I’m not going to help. It’s too hot for a fight.”

“You underestimate my charm.” Adrien says, already triumphant.

#

True to form, Adrien somehow manages to get motorcycle man over to her. 

“Not sure how Adrien convinced you to do this, but I guess he gets a free pass.” Marinette knows exactly what Adrien’s going to do with his free time. He’s gone on and on about Gotham’s Museum of Vigilantes, and to be quite frank, Marinette doesn’t want to get caught up in another one of Adrien’s rant sessions on the Bat Family. “Anyways, nice to meet you. I’m Marinette, and my awful boss has come of with the wonderfully creative idea of Summer Heat for a photoshoot in the summer.”

She has a bone to pick with Gabriel Agreste. More than one, actually. In fact, she’d say that out of the 206 (well, 207, if she counts the fracture she got in her left pinky toe after that last akuma battle that weirdly, still hasn’t healed) bones in her body, she’d pick a fight with Gabriel over at least 200 of them. The lack of originality is one thing, but she’s not sure how she feels about his blatant attempts to set her up with her son during this trip. Somehow, he still hasn’t grasped the fact that his son doesn’t swing her way despite having hundreds of pictures of being lovey-dovey with Luka all over the internet. In fact, maybe it’s because Adrien and Luka have that many pictures that Gabriel is trying to push for a heterosexual relationship. A lack of vision both for his photo shoots and for his company. Marinette doesn’t understand how she once looked up to this man.

“It’s no problem. I’ve got nothing better to do, anyways.” 

Marinette blinks, then reassesses the man in front of her. Not only does he have a sinfully attractive voice, but his visual appeal isn’t that bad, either. “It’s still nice of you to do this. Should be a pretty quick shoot. Five outfit changes and a few poses in each-- shouldn’t take any longer than an hour, hour and a half.”

She rummages through her bag, fishing out a stack of paper. “You’ll get paid for your time. $250 for the whole shoot, and if you want to keep one of the outfits, feel free.”

If she’s being completely honest, she thinks that Gabriel’s summer collection is a hot mess, and she doesn’t particularly want the burden of bringing back the disgusting articles of clothes back with her in her suitcase. Should motorcycle man not want any of them, she’ll send them back via express mail.

“Don’t need the money, but I’m trying to stay out for as long as I can. Any way you could make the shoot go on longer?”

“You want to stay out in this heat?” Marinette asks in disbelief, taking out a small bag of makeup to apply to his face. She motions for him to sit in the shade of the tree while she sees what she needs to cover up. 

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Motorcycle man says.

“Like the owner of a custom Harley-Davidson is poor,” Marinette quips. Humming in approval after giving his features once over, she decides that foundation isn’t necessary, only concealer to cover up the dark circles and some old scars.“You have great skin.”

During their summer trip, Marinette has become makeup artist, photographer, public relations manager, and trip advisor. It’s a taxing job, but well worth the reward, which is an all-expense-paid graduation trip with her friends from lycee. Well, Nino and Alya had to pay, but between Nino’s part time DJ gigs and Alya’s ad revenue on the Ladyblog, it wasn’t hard for them to raise enough for the two month long, seven city, four country trip. 

“One of my siblings is insistent that we do our best to minimize the scarring. Don’t know what his deal is, it’s not like our faces are sellable commodities.”

“That’s where you’re wrong-- you’re pretty good looking and could easily go into modelling or acting if you wanted. So props to whoever your sibling is. And thank your genetics too.”

Motorcycle man snorts. “Not cut out for that lifestyle. I like more… adrenaline inducing jobs.”

Marinette almost-- almost laughs. The placement of the scars on his face do imply that he’s gotten in at least one or two knife fights before, and there’s a thin line on his neck that definitely looks like it hurt. Motorcycle man has definitely been in trouble before, but he’s also good enough to get himself out of it. She’s not going to bother asking what his job is. She doesn’t want to be an accessory to any of his crimes. “Action movies, then?” 

“Oh sweetheart, I make action movies look like a kid’s fist fight.”

“Wow, we have a bad boy on our hands, ladies and gentleman.” She finishes applying highlighter and sits back to admire her work. His jaw can cut glass. “Okay, Motorcycle Man, it’s time to take pictures. If you’re good, maybe I’ll draw the shoot out-- I’m not a fan of this humidity.”

Summer is better than winter, if only because she’s acquired a weird habit to almost hibernate when the temperature gets too cold. It’s easy for Marinette to shrug off the heat most days, even when her friends complain constantly.

“The name’s Jason.”

“I think I’ll stick with Motorcycle Man. Alliteration, you know? Now, one hand in your pocket, the other at your collar. Left leg out a little, like you’re ready to take a step-- perfect. Walk forwards a little, yeah, just like that.”

Jason is Adonis personified. The perfect package of cocky, arrogant, and bad boy. It doesn’t hurt that he’s well muscled either-- even Adrien doesn’t have thighs like that, and he spends hours as Chat Noir jumping from rooftop to rooftop. 

“You’re a natural,” Marinette praises. “Have you ever modeled before?”

“Not like this, but I’ve got my fair share of pictures on the internet.”

She’s going to regret asking this. But curiosity killed the cat, not the ladybug. “If not for modelling, then what for?”

“Oh, you know. This and that. A few odd jobs here and there.”

And if that doesn’t make Jason sound more like a criminal, she doesn’t know what will. Marinette decides that she definitely won’t bring up a day job, let alone a night job. 

“All right, next outfit.” She pushes a muscle tank top and light, ripped jeans into his hands.  “You can change in the public restroom, and if anything doesn’t fit, just let me know.”

He takes the outfit, but pauses at one of the other outfits she has in her bag. “Is that… leather and fur? For a shoot with the theme of summer heat?”

“I don’t call the shots, I’m just the poor lackey who has to make them look good. Trust me, if I were in charge of design, the only outfit that might still be in the bag is the one you’re holding right now.” Gabriel is definitely losing his touch. But hey, doing this weird intern summer program for him isn’t the worst thing she’s had to do in her life. It’s good to learn from other people’s mistakes, rather than making them herself. 

“Don’t worry. Crappy fashion isn’t going to scare me away. Have you seen some of Gotham’s villains?”

At that, she couldn’t suppress a laugh. “You’re talking Gotham villains? How about Paris?”

“Paris is some weird alternate dimension. It doesn’t count,” Jason protests. 

“I could say the same for Gotham. Really, why are there so many Robins? Can’t they come up with another name?”

“I almost wish I could argue with that.”

He comes out of the stall, and Marinette feels the summer heat. Jason, Motorcycle Man is ripped. Yeah, his thighs are probably some of the thickest she’s seen, but his biceps are to die for. She’s half tempted to ask for his workout regime, but she’s sure that somewhere he’ll casually throw in ‘beating up random people on the street’ or ‘punching people who piss him off.’ Those are just the kind of vibes that Jason gives off. 

“The arm holes are kinda tight.”

“I’m sure they are,” Marinette breathes, chest tight. Jason’s eyes smoulder. He knows exactly what he’s doing as he places an arm on the door frame and flexes. She thinks she can die happy, now.

They wrap up the shoot quickly. All of the clothes are promptly packaged up except for the tanktop and jeans.  

@jasonette-july-2k20

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For the other jasonette prompts i’ve written for so far, i think i’ll probably continue them eventually, so lmk if you want to be added to the tag list for that. pretty surprised these are getting such a good reception thank you guys for that ;)

[psi-psina]

Namba Hatch 25/26 ♡

04/25

00. SE

01. 谿壑の欲 

02. Downfall 

03. 人間を被る 

04. 理由 

05. Ash 

06. Rubbish  Heap

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 赫 

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided 

11. Ranunculus 

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり

14. Values of Madness

15. 詩踏み 

16. Followers 

17. 鬼眼 

18. Revelation of mankind

19. THE DEEPER VILENESS 

20. 冷血なりせば

I’ll get straight to the point, Kyo was very disappointed tonight and he ended the show really pissed off. He didn’t go very crazy during encore and at the end of Reiketsu he just leaned on his crate for a moment and then turned around and walked off, well before it was all over. 

Kyo visited kamite during Values of Madness, and according to a couple of people there, there were a couple of idiots goofing around chatting with each other and taking photos of the show. Kyo very abruptly stopped singing and he did shout at them (“You fucking idiots/jerks” - obviously not with the mic) and REALLY threw down the mic, and retreated, showing us his back for a number of beats before picking it up again. I only actually saw from when he threw down the mic because I had been headbanging and had an obstructed view so I didn’t know what had caused him to react like that until after the show. And it’s been well reported already that there was also an obnoxious group up on the balcony who were apparently drunk, and also just standing around chatting and causing problems. I had a fairly obstructed view for parts of the set last night and in shimote at least the crowd was very energetic, so I had trouble taking everything in. 

Overall the crowd tonight was definitely a mixed bag and also a bit of a mess, right from the start. During the rush forward I fell due to like 3 people stacking it in front of me and one girl losing her shoe. I hope no one was badly hurt, I got a scrape on my knee weirdly, and also hurt my right foot. 😂 

The sound seemed a liiiiiiitle bit off for a Hatch show tonight? I don’t know if that had anything to do with the poorer impression of the show.

The other guys were pretty normal but were not as energetic as they were in Nagoya, especially Toshiya. Kaoru went over to kamite I think twice and Toshiya maybe 3 times over the whole night and I also don’t recall any of them visiting Shinya tonight, which they have been doing at least once at the other shows. Kyo and Die did not visit shimote ONCE the whole night. :( Overall they were not very active. But honestly, with all that being said, I gave everything I could and I still had a fantastic live. There was just a bit of an awkward feeling at times.

They opened with Keigaku again and I didn’t get to writing about this in the Nagoya report idk I just forgot but can I just say….Keigaku live is just on a whole other fuckin level…the sheer extent of how EPIC this song is live and how good those SUCCULENT transitions are without TIW’s mix dampening them is BEYOND, GUYS. IT. IS. BEYOND. Absolutely lap. that. shit. up!!! Also, Keigaku is SUCH a good opener like ARGGGG I love it sooo much. AND THEN DOWNFALL AND NINGEN TONIGHT AHHHH!!! Such a response, I could just let all my feelings out. 😭 I wanted to try to pay more attention to what is shown on the screen during Downfall and Rubbish Heap tonight but I utterly failed. RUBBISH HEAP tonight was THE BEST!! I didn’t see shit because I was too busy headbanging and jumping and screaming!

Celebrate Empty Howls did not land tonight, there was a weird shift in the mood during this song because the crowd tonight just didn’t really connect to it imho. I blame this on it’s placement in the setlist again. It genuinely felt like no one, not even particularly Kyo, was really in the mood for Celebrate tonight after Aka, esp because Dozing and Aka were so so spellbinding, everyone was deep in this atmosphere and then Celebrate just didn’t really work with it (that was my feeling). Tonight I probably felt Celebrate the least out of any night. undecided and Ranunculus followed and Kyo again cried horribly when he sang undecided, but this performance also had a…different feeling. Tonight he had this hopelessness when singing undecided that I have't seen at the other lives….during the previous lives even when he wept he sang with this strength and soulfulness that completely broke my heart and made me cry. Tonight it was more broken. 

When Kyo spoke to us during encore, he spoke us very roughly and also largely without the mic. He snarled and truly riled us as much as he could, he also growled “BOBOZAGA” twice. 

The Deeper Vileness went beyond my wildest dreams and I managed to get a look at Kaoru during the PITCH and oh my god his expression. if the sentiment of “i am a fucking GOD” could be distilled into a single expression, that was it. He looked so fucking satisfied and honestly I just lost it. Also had a spectacular time of Reiketsu, truly, it was overall a fantastic live and I’m genuinely sorry that Kyo's impression of the night was turned to shit by various things. He didn’t headbang Reiketsu but left the stage almost immediately after the final “SUCK ME” (fitting final words…) and that was when his displeasure became extremely clear to me.

04/26

00. SE

01. 赫 

02. Downfall 

03. 人間を被る 

04. Rubbish Heap 

05. Ash 

06. Values of Madness

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 谿壑の欲 

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided 

11. Ranunculus 

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり 

14. 獣慾 

15. 詩踏み 

16. Followers 

17. 鬼眼 

18. Sustain the untruth

19. GRIEF 

20. 冷血なりせば

Tonight was a true Namba Hatch show from start to finish. It was ROUGH in the pit and the intensity of the fans was totally consuming. Kyo’s words after the first day had a very, very clear effect. I ended up being in the Kyo pit after two crushes and the absolute fervor to give him satisfaction tonight was extremely palpable. You could feel it from all sides. And despite not containing Vileness, this setlist is also at least 70% better than the other variation; Celebrate was a BLAST tonight and works a thousand times better following Keigaku, and Juuyoku bests Wake at literally any table. (I kinda wish they’d left out Wake entirely on this tour tbh, it’s not that I haven't appreciated the song itself, there are just songs that’d work soooo much better in it’s place…especially bc it’s still weirdly paired up with Ash).

I truly can’t write much about this night due to the sheer intensity of it. Words are lacking and I’m also still physically recovering from it. During Juuyoku I was having abdominal pain from the exertion and I was pretty dizzy for most of Utafumi. It was like the 2nd night at Shinkiba with the intensity dialled up by 1000%. We were packed together and while it was violent, the violence arose from the sheer intensity and VOLUME of energy everyone was giving, not from being selfish or inconsiderate; no one around me was treating other people like an obstacle, the overall feeling was remarkably supportive.

I will say that this was genuinely Kyo’s night, it was his finale. I don’t know why, but like on the first night, the other guys were not even trying to compete with him for attention and really seemed just….pretty chill. Toshiya came to the middle once or twice but didn’t go to kamite at all and Kaoru and Die really only moved around the stage during Sustain (far as I can remember). They weren’t particularly working the crowd but just gave pretty normal performances. This ain’t no criticism!!!! I’m just not used to having such a lack of impressions from the other guys, but it definitely didn’t help that I was in Kyo pit.

Kyo absolutely SHOWERED both sides with attention during Sustain, he was absolutely LIVING ♡ and holy shit I could not BELIEVE the sound that went up from shimote when he went over there, the roaring was drowning out the instruments for me. 😁 I distinctly remember Kaoru coming over to stand in front of us during Sustain and I was about to go crazy but a;skjdnf Kyo was distracting LITERALLY EVERYONE over in shimote, and no one really shouted, and my “KAORU KAORU KAORU!!!!!!!!’s” were totally drowned out by everyone else alskdnf and he just stood there chillin’ staring off into the middle distance, I was like ALKSJND BITCH! I’M LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE FOR YOU!!! UGH! I miss you, I just want one ROAR face!! KAJNsdljn

There was only one damper on the atmosphere during the whole night and it was during undecided when about three people in the Kyo pit needed help from staff, I think they needed water and at least one person had to be pulled out. People were definitely trying to disrupt as little as possible but, it can’t be helped. So undecided was a little bit muted because of this distraction but everyone remained gracious. Kyo’s performance was more sedate, but he still wept.

I wept during Ranunculus, again. Not as badly as in Shinkiba (day 2), which was UGLY. Ranunculus never fails to bring tears but obviously some nights are a lot worse than others. Hearing Kyo’s heavy/shaking breaths at the end/throughout the song is also just too much to bear.

Followers was absolutely wonderful tonight, it’s truly a song you wanna be in front of Kyo for ♡ and oh man the feeling that was given tonight…I can’t put words to it 😭

There was one song…I think it was Ash, at the end of it Kyo knelt on his crate and mussed up his hair so it stuck out everywhere and bared his teeth at us in this very mischievous grin. ♡

Kyo spoke with great passion during the encore, he told us to fucking lose our voices, lose our necks and i LOVE seeing him headbang like this again! Bobozaga did not make another appearance.

He collapsed after Reiketsu and then made it over to the drums where he lit a cigarette and took a moment and then came back to the front with a water bottle. He looked extremely replete ♡ He splashed us with water a bit and threw the bottle in, and he also went to shimote and splashed two girls on the rail with water and gave one of them the bottle 🙏🏾 He came back to the centre and threw in his towel after wiping his face with it. He put his hand on his heart and called out “Osaka” and also blew us a fox kiss before he waved bye-bye. ♡♡♡

these are extremely incomplete but it’s basically all I can manage ♡ I met so many people on this tour and there are a number that I am extremely thankful for, I’m looking forward to the autumn tour and hopefully a number of reunions very, very much ♡

I love Dir so much ♡