#weird song choice BUT i was writing in Barnes and Noble one day and it hit me like a freight train

[howdoyousleep3]

chapter 3

“I will not lie to you and tell you that the boss is not frightening or that this will be an easy adjustment for the both of you, for any of us. I will never lie to you, not unless absolutely necessary. So you must know that Boss chose you for a reason. There is purpose in every decision he makes. There is logic. But when he saw you, I witnessed him make a decision with his heart for the first time in my life.”

Read here on Ao3

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you're the light, you're the night | @howdoyousleep3 steve rogers x bucky barnes | explicit | wip

notable tags: mafia/mob au, arranged marriage, slow burn, daddy kink, violence (gun, threats, blood), found family, pov steve rogers, pov bucky barnes, falling in love, angst, happy ending

summary: After his father's careless mistake, Bucky Barnes' life becomes controlled by the Bratva. The multiple jobs he works to support his family, his ill sister's treatment, his paused education, his nonexistent love life; every dull and draining day blurs together as he lives his life for everyone but himself...until he's given a way out. Leave Russia and move to New York City, marry a man named Steve Rogers, and his father's debt will be forgiven in full, his family taken care of. To Bucky, it seems like an obvious decision. But when the stranger he ends up marrying turns out to be involved in the same illicit world Bucky was eager to leave behind, and with a menacing rival that threatens the life he's desperately trying to find his footing in, Bucky feels as if he's in more trouble now than when he had the Bratva breathing down his neck.

───── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──────

playlist | steve's introduction | bucky's introduction

[theauthorunicorn]

Probability of Love at First Sight | Shawn Mendes x Reader

Authors Note: You missed your flight to meet the one fated for you for less than a day.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2900 plus words

Reader

I sighed deeply as the ground staff told me that my flight pushed back ten minutes ago. Great! I called my mom saying that I’ll be coming late and promised to catch the next available flight. I can hear her over the phone with a disappointment sigh that I can’t help her with the things we needed to prepare for tomorrow.

I managed to moved my flight just enough to join my mom in London. I’m flying from New York and my flight will be leaving approximately eight hours and fifty-nine minutes from now. I considered hanging outside the airport to pass the time but I’m afraid I’ll be stuck with the traffic again.

*****

Shawn

My plane left me. I’m flying to London for my concert tomorrow night but due to over consumption of alcohol last night, I catch my plane to London leaving New York without me on board. And now, I have to wait more than eight hours before my new flight. Andrew told me to stay in the airport with low profile. Let’s see if I can do that.

Not that I’m complaining, but, the thing about crowded place, like for example, airports might get a little messy with someone like me who, fortunately, sold out some albums and luckily had a huge fan based. I looked around to see some place to stay here without attracting attention.

I found a spot.

*****

Reader

I made myself comfortable enough to a tiny corner in the gate that my flight will be using for boarding later this day. I spotted a book lying on the airport bookstore and had double price at it was in Barnes and Noble, I bought it. I didn’t have a choice.

I should have catch my flight earlier.

*****

Shawn

My phone is running out of battery and I’m looking for a place where no one will recognize me and a plausible stranger that might be generous enough to lend me a charger without freaking out that Shawn Mendes is asking to borrow a charger.

I was thinking about Starbucks but it’s a no. The lounge too, but, I can’t stay there without anyone noticing I’m there. Also, I can’t buy a charger because it’ll make me interact with someone who’ll probably realize it was me in a store. So, no.

I found a spot near the boarding gate with not more than twenty people occupying but there’s a girl reading a book with her air pods on to the corner.

I hope she have a charger.

*****

Reader

I started reading my new book and I’m in the fifth chapter when someone tapped my shoulder lightly. It’s a guy who I did not recognize but he seems familiar, he smiled lightly and spoke, “Please don’t freak out or shout or do anything that could catch an attention.”

Hearing that, I’m freaking out a little bit but I managed to contain it, he looked nice though. I removed my air pods and placed my boarding pass across the page that I’m reading as a bookmark. I looked at him, confused, “Well, it’s freaking creepy that your asking me not to freak out.”

“Do you know me?” he asked instantly.

“Am I supposed to know you?” I asked politely but in a sarcastic way.

He sighed, “Don’t you recognize me?”

“No.” I said plainly furrowing my brows.

*****

Shawn

“Great!” I scoffed. She seems real, acting she didn’t know me, but, it’s weird because I can see that we’re at the same age based on her choice of clothing and the book she was reading. She was about to open her book again but I stopped her by touching her hand accidentally.

“That was way more creepy, dude.” she mumbled.

“I’m sorry,” I smiled reassuring her everything is good with us, that I’m a good person, “by any chance do you have a charger? My phone battery is about to die.”

She looked at me blankly, still confused and opened her bag to pull out her charger and slowly handed it to me.

“Thanks, what time is your flight?”

She opened her book and said without looking at me, “I’m trying my best not to call security because you’re acting like a creep shit,” she whispered, “just use my charger you’ll have plenty of time to use it.”

*****

Shawn

Two hours passed she’s still reading her book, she’s halfway through it. She smiled, scoffed and laughed some point of her book, she looks beautiful. And I think she really mean that she didn’t know me. I smiled at that thought.

My battery was finally full and I returned her charger to roam around the airport to kill the time. But, I didn’t instead I sat beside her wondering what words I may use to caught her attention. With her air pods on it’s nearly impossible.

I glanced at her several times as the time tick by.

“Hey.” I asked her.

“Yeah?” she asked me.

“Aren’t you hungry?” was the only words I managed to utter. What the hell is happening.

She looks at me with a smirk on her face, “I actually do and thinking to ask you the same question. I’m heading to Starbucks to grab some coffee and some snacks.” she stood up. “Do you want anything?” she offered.

I’m stressed that what I should be doing and asking is what she’s doing right now. “Yeah, a coffee and anything that can be eaten to pass out the time.”

“Okay.” she smiled a walk away from our bench.

“I should be the one getting us food.” I stutter

“Nah, let me be. Stay here and guard up our premises.”

*****

Reader

“Can I have a name for the drinks?” the barista ask me.

I usually say Y/N and smiles but this time I wandered what name should I give. “Can you put something like ‘stranger’?”

The barista laughed, “Weird one.” she started scribbling it against the cup. “Any food to pair up?”

I approached him with our drinks. He bit his lips as he smiled. It is an unnecessary act to do and I feel offended.

“Thank you -” he mumbled as he grab the drink I handed over me, he furrowed his eyebrows probably asking my name and he looked into his cup, “Stranger?” he laughed at that.

“It’s better not to know our names.” I confessed, “I may and might know you and probably get embarrassed that I’m sitting next to..” I stopped thinking who he might be, “the prince of some country, a presidential son, senatorial son, an heir to a big company, I don’t know.”

“So you think, I looked like a prince?” he started questioning.

I shrugged my shoulder.

“A presidential son? A son of a senator or even an heir to a big company.” he laughed at those. Usually, I’ll get annoyed with this but unexpectedly I wasn’t. I, in fact enjoyed this little conversation.

“And I’m flying in a commercial plane?” he finished his thoughts.

“I don’t know, probably you had a biggest argument with your parents. And opted you to use your private jet and probably cut your card access, so you have a little less cash right now, but it’s still a lot of cash. So that’s why don’t bother to pay the drink that you just had. It’s on the house.”

He laughed so hard that he’d thrown his head to the back.

“Wow, that’s a good one.” he complimented my words, “Unfortunately, no, I still have an access to my private jet,” he said jokingly, “my cards are still here,” he pointed into his wallet, “but I don’t have any cash right now so thank you for the drink.” I giggled as he said it, “Yeah, it’s true, especially the last one.”

We talked for a little bit and he excused himself to use the bathroom.

*****

Shawn

I washed my face with the warm water running into the sink. I am drowned with her laughter and her wholeness. I didn’t want this to end. I hope her flight doesn’t leave so soon.

“So what did you do for living?” I asked her as I took the seat beside her.

“Are we getting comfortable to each other now?” she joked.

“That’s the goal.”

She laughed a little, “Do you want a make up one or the real one?”

“The one you’re comfortable sharing will be good. Because, I’ll believe everything you’ll say right now. But preferably the truth.”

She brushed her hair, “How should I say this that you’ll believe me? Hmm ..” she hummed. “I’m an editor to a publishing company.”

“That explains everything of me being a prince, with no jets to use, blocked credit card.” we laughed in unison.

She smirked, “How about you?”

I’m a singer, I write songs, I have albums, I have a concert tour this year. I’ll be traveling a lot.

“I - traveled a lot. For work.” I managed to say.

“Are you a vlogger?” she started scanning me, “but you don’t have a camera.” she pouted. “You looked so familiar.” she stared at me, “Nah, never mind.”

“Your flight isn’t leaving yet?” I asked softly.

“Do I bore you right now?” she asks leaning her face inches away mine.

“No, I was wondering how many more hours I get to spend with you.” I confessed.

*****

Reader

“Actually, I missed my flight earlier.” I told him. I still didn’t know his name but probably I’ll ask him as soon as my flight started boarding or his, whichever comes first.

“Me too.” he said. “It’s like this was meant to happen.”

I laughed lightly, my heart is beating faster and my breath is catching it’s rhythm.

“Did you know that people who meet in airports are seventy-two percent more likely to fall for each other than people who meet anywhere else.” I quoted.

“Really, how did you know that?” he asks me seriously fixing his gaze to my eyes.

“I’ve read it. How come you didn’t know that as per say you travel for a living?”

He shrugged, “Probably I haven’t met her with my previous trips. But, I think have met her already.” then he flashes a smile that could take away my pain.

*****

Shawn

I talked to her every possible thing that came across with my mind. She looked so beautiful every time she smiles, shrugged and most especially when she laughed. I noticed she only had a small backpack, a brown paper back and a black coat as her gear. I wonder where she was going to because I wanted her beside me as soon as where in the clouds.

“How many days are you traveling away?” I asked her softly wanting to caressed her hair against my palm.

“A week, less or more.” she answered, “you?”

“A month, probably longer.”

“You’re traveling to?” I finally had an urged to ask her this question.

It made her laugh again, I love that she laughed at little things she find funny. Her genuine laughter made me fall in love with her at this time. God, I love her already even if I didn’t know her that well.

“You know what, I might give my name and phone number to you later as soon as my flight will start boarding. Patience.”

“Oh, so it’s a deal.” I confirmed to her.

*****

Reader

Thirty more minutes until boarding. His eyes looked tired but he still talks and casually touches my hand in slight way. I’m loving this even if I’m hurting.

“I hope you’re traveling somewhere for your work not for your boyfriend.” he confessed as his fingers caressed against my arms slowly. He have the looks in his eyes that he meant every word he said.

“No. Actually, I’m seeing my mom and -” I stopped with an eerie silence to my mind, “my dad.” I smiled faintly.

“Good, because did you know people who meet in airports are seventy-two percent more likely to fall for each other than people who meet anywhere else. Just like us.” he confessed. “I think I’m falling for you.”

I chuckled, I wanted to say I’m falling for you too but I didn’t, I just smiled at him savoring his touch.

“My flight will start boarding thirty minutes from now.”

“Mine will be any time soon too.” he continued.

*****

Shawn

She smelled like cucumber. Her skin is so soft. Her lips are endearing. Her voice is so sweet. Her laugh is genuine. She loves books. I want her.

“Flight 3846 bound to London is now ready for boarding.” the announcement echoed the waiting lounge. I sighed sadly looking at her. “That’s my cue.” I told her, stopping my fingers running from her arms.

I saw her face with joy, “That was mine too.” she said.

“You’re flying to London?” I asked her.

“Yeah.”

*****

Reader

We walked towards the boarding gate as he intertwined his hands unto mine. It made me smile. I haven’t known that delaying my arrival to London may be a good idea. Maybe it’s all fated to happen, like what he said.

“Mr. Mendes, Ms. Y/L/N.” the flight crew greeted us.

As soon as we stepped on board we both go to separate direction to the cabin. I’m going to the right, he’s staying in left. Our hands still intertwined separated slowly.

“We didn’t have a seat together.” I reminded him.

“Don’t we?” he acted shocked by it.

I turned away from him finding my seat in the five rows from the front and settled myself to my seat next to the aisle. I’m seated with an middle-aged woman.

I was placing my things according to where it should be long. I also asked a flight crew to hang my coat and dress so it won’t crumple. I needed to have a dress change before the plane arrives in London.

A silhouette of man stand beside me, smiling, it was him. I still didn’t know his name but surely heard his last name earlier.

“Ma'am,” she said to the woman next to me, “is it okay to swap seat with you. This girl right here is my girlfriend and we didn’t end up seating together since the flight was so full and we’re like so far from each other. So, I was asking if it’s okay from you to transfer over there,” he pointed his seat, he’s on the first row left side of the plane, “it’s still a window seat with more comfortable space in front of you.” he smiled sweetly at her after explaining what he wanted and he did just label me as his girlfriend.

The woman beside me agreed, he helped her with her bags to transfer from his seat. After five minutes or so, he’s beside me with his things and settled himself to his new seat.

“I did ask the flight crew for this. They agreed.” he immediately defended himself.

“Did you just call me your girlfriend?” I asked him.

“That was a decoy, but, yeah, I just did. You’ll be soon. Hopefully. That’s why I needed your first name now, because, we happen to know our last names.” he said confidently. “Does my surname looks good with your first name?”

Y/N Mendes. I thought. It fits perfectly.

I didn’t answer him, instead a shook my head to let the thought leave my brain.

*****

Shawn

After couple of hours in the flight. We didn’t have enough talks. She’s now rested in my chest, synchronizing her breath with mine.

“I’m traveling today to London to attend my father’s funeral.” she took a deep breath as she told me the reason why she didn’t seem so excited to arrive there.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” I kissed her temple to assure her everything will be alright.

*****

Reader

We’re almost there.

He’s still asleep. I made my way to the comfort room to change my clothes before the seat belt sign is on for my father’s funeral.

“On behalf of your captain and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice day!” the captain said over the aircraft’s speaker.

I had to buckle his belt without waking him up. He must be tired from our travel and I didn’t want to wake him from his good sleep. We arrived at the airport and I made my way out faster, I had a funeral to mourn. I didn’t even say my goodbye to Shawn.

*****

Shawn

I woke up to an almost empty plane with my seat belt still buckled on and she’s long gone.

I noticed her book lying to the seat next to mine with sticky note and my name scribbled on it. She finally know my name.

I grabbed it opening the first page. With a written note all over it.

Shawn,

You looked so familiar. Believe me I didn’t know it was you until your passport dropped accidentally before the plane landed. I had to check your name and didn’t wake you up you needed the rest. I’m sorry for leaving you behind here, I have something to catch up, you know that already. Thank you for everything. I’m so happy that for a brief moment of time we’ve became part of seventy-two percent of people who likely fall in love in airports.

I hope to see you soon somewhere, Shawn. I adore you. Good luck to your concert.

P.S I took us a picture in my phone and your phone so that we can’t forget each other and remind me that this wasn’t only a good dream,that this happened actually, a reality.

Love,

Y/N

[waitingfortherightpartner]

All I Ask

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Hello! May I request a Bucky x Reader, in which they break up and it is based on the song All I Ask by Adele? You can choose in which era and all, I love your writing anyway! Have a lovely day and good luck with all the requests :) x

plus

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Hi! Could you do an imagine where the reader dated Bucky for a year before he was frozen in wakanda and they broke up the day he will be frozen and everyone in the avengers team got sad, reader and bucky cried too cause they all thought they’d stay forever together. But years later, when the reader thought she forgot about Bucky, Bucky was now unfrozen and they reunited in a restaurant with the rest of the avengers team?

A/N: So, a couple things.  I actually kind of combined two prompts for this (yay for productivity!) so it’s a little different, but I think it turned out pretty well.  This is actually one of the angstier things I’ve written (I prefer writing super fluffy fluff), so I hope it’s not terrible.  Also, apologies for the weird format, but I didn’t know how else to do it.  I’m going a little out of order with my prompts, but I’m kind of just writing whatever inspires me.  Wrote this one on the plane about a week ago, but didn’t have the wifi to post it.  I’m actually heading home in a day and a half, so then hopefully I’ll be writing much more frequently.  Current goal is to make it through my prompt list (which is from last year because I suck!) before the end of the summer so I can write some other stuff...Anyways, I’m rambling, but hope y’all like it!

Tagging @pleasecallmecaptain​ @mattymattymerduck​ @writingbarnes​ @kissofvenom922​ @b-orderline​ @shamvictoria11​ @callingmrsbarnes​ @barnes-and-noble-girl​ @coley0823 @redstarstan @badassbaker @phoebe-21-99@marvelgoateecollection @palaiasaurus64 @melconnor2007

-

“Doll, say something please.”

I will leave my heart at the door

“What is there to say?”

I won’t say a word

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

They’ve all been said before, you know

“Nothing.  Everything.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s your choice.  I have to respect that.”

“But?”

“We just go in circles every time we have this discussion.  I don’t think shutting yourself off is the way to fix this.”

“It’s safest for everyone.”

So why don’t we just play pretend

You meet Bucky’s eyes for the first time since he’s told you.  Years of practice have taught him how to guard his emotions, how to keep the world out of his thoughts.  

But you can see the way his eyes sweep across your face, as if attempting to memorize each feature, each line, each imperfection.  The way his tongue darts out to wet his dry lips.  The slight tremor in his right hand.

Like we’re not scared of what is coming next

"Is it?” you ask softly, and you hear your voice as if it’s not your own, so small and unsure.  You see Bucky’s composure falter for a half-second.

“Yes,” he says, as if he’s trying to convince himself.  “If I’m in cryo, I can’t hurt anyone.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” you reply, your eyes dropping to your hands.

Or scared of having nothing left

You hate yourself for making that comment as you watch Bucky wilt.  His hands jerk forward, as if reaching for you, but he pulls them back to his sides, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Look, don’t get me wrong

“If you don’t, we can try different types of therapy,” you say, trying to make amends.  “We can see what works, trial and error, you know?  Tony has that BARF thing, we can try and get that-”

“And what happens if that doesn’t work?” Bucky asks.  “What happens when those words turn me into...him?”

“Steve conks you on the head,” you say matter-of-factly.  “Really, really hard.”

You manage to pull a smile out of him, one of those truly genuine grins that make the corners of his eyes crinkle.  A smile that normally makes your heart skip a beat, today just intensifies the dull ache in your heart.

I know there is no tomorrow

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened,” he says, the smile fading from his face.  “To Steve.  Or to you.”

It’s then that you know his mind is made up.  You take a deep breath and nod, folding your arms around yourself, and feeling so incredibly small.

All I ask is...

“All right,” you say, surprised at how hoarse your voice is.  “I just...I need a minute.”

Before your mind quite knows what your body’s doing, your feet are carrying you far away from him, away from Bucky.  You don’t quite know where you’re going, except that you need air, fresh air.  

The walls are starting to feel like they’re closing in on you, and suddenly you can’t stand the thought of Bucky in a cryo tube, of the darkness seeping into the edge of his vision. 

Of him being alone.

-

“The procedure is painless.  A few seconds and then...nothing.”

You nod, keeping your eyes trained on T’Challa as he explains the cryo process.  You’re barely listening to the Wakandan King, every fiber of your body straining to keep your vision from drifting slightly to his right, to where Bucky is leaning against a desk.

I don't need your honesty

You haven’t spoken to him since he made the decision, not because you’re angry, but because you’re scared of the words that will come tumbling out of your mouth.

Your resolve finally crumbles and you finally allow your eyes to find Bucky.  When you do, you find his blue eyes trained on yours, holding your gaze with a look that says so much.

It's already in your eyes

You take a deep breath and steel yourself, tearing your gaze away from the eyes you thought would be your future, forcing yourself to pay attention.

“-monitoring his vitals at all times, making adjustments as necessary.”

“How long?” you ask, and T’Challa offers a sympathetic smile.

“We do not know,” he says.  “Our scientists have already begun the research process, and it is proving more complex than they anticipated.”

And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me

It’s a break-up, of sorts.  But so much worse.

Because if it were a break-up, it would be a choice that Bucky’s making, not something he’s forcing upon himself.  Another burden he must carry as he tries to atone for things that aren’t his fault, should never have been his fault.

No one knows me like you do

And there’s nothing definite about it.  T’Challa’s scientists could find a cure a few weeks from now, or never in your lifetime.  

“We’ll give you some space to process,” T’Challa says kindly, yet firmly.  You nod, picking a spot on the floor as your brain begins to wander.

And since you’re the only one that matters

Bucky lingers in the room, as T’Challa’s scientists, guards and advisors file out.  The three of you stand in tense silence.  You can feel your resolve break, a tear escaping from your eye and rolling down your cheek.

“Take as much time as you need, (Y/N),” T’Challa says, pointedly fixing Bucky with his unflinching gaze.  Reluctantly, Bucky crosses the room, passing right in front of you, close enough to touch.  

If this were a normal day, you would reach out to brush his arm, his hand, maybe even plant a quick kiss on the side of his mouth, if you were feeling particularly bold.

But it’s not a normal day, and as soon as you’re alone in the room, you sink to the ground, unable to stop the flow of tears.

Tell me who do I run to?

-

“(Y/N).”

It’s the night before they put him under, and that overwhelming feeling of confinement, the one that chased you away from Bucky the first time he told you, has become utterly unbearable.  You’ve opted to spend the night on the balcony of the living complex T’Challa has given to you, staring up at the cloudless Wakandan sky, alone.

Or at least, that was the plan.

“Bucky,” you say, your eyes still tracing the paths of constellations.  You feel him brush against your shoulder, sitting down next to you.

Let this be our lesson in love

“Doll, are you angry with me?”  You turn to face him, your hands moving to cup both sides of his face on their own accord.  He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed, and you’re reminded of how long it’s been since you’ve allowed him this.  Since you’ve allowed yourself this.

Let this be the way we remember us

“James Buchanan Barnes, let’s get one thing straight,” you say quietly.  “I have never been, nor could I ever be truly mad at you.  I’m mad at everything else.”  You drop your hands, taking his right hand in yours as you rub small circles into his skin.

“Everything else?” he asks.

“Hydra,” you say.  “Fate.  The universe.  But never you.”

“Never me,” Bucky echoes.  “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

I don’t wanna be cruel or vicious

You shake your head, words not able to capture the hurricane of emotions in your heart, the perfect storm of love, rage, terror and sorrow.  Bucky nods, understanding.

“I know, doll,” he says, pulling you to him.  You slide over so that you’re sitting between his legs, your head resting against his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat.  

“I’ll miss you, Buck,” you say.  “So much.”

“Don’t,” he says, his voice harsher than you expected.  “Please.”  One word, one ragged, bitter word that nearly reduces you to tears.

“Don’t miss you?” you ask, trying not to let your heart break as you realize what he’s asking you to do.

“I can’t…” he says.  “I won’t…please don’t wait.”

And I ain’t asking for forgiveness

“No,” you say.

“No?”

“No,” you repeat, turning to look at Bucky.  Your hands fly up to his face, wiping a tear off his cheek with the pad of your thumb.  Tentatively, you lean forward, kissing up the salty, tear-stained tracks of his cheeks until your lips land on his closed eyes.  

Bucky’s eyes meet yours again, the steely blue of his eyes looking softer than they ever have before.  You both lean forward until your lips meet.

All I ask is

-

“You sure about this?”

“I can’t trust my own mind.  So until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head, I think going back under is the best thing...for everybody.”

The way his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

If this is my last night with you

Everyone’s gathered in a sterile, metallic room, a lone cryo tube in the center.  Bucky sits on a table, dressed in white, as T’Challa’s doctors finished their preparation for the procedure.

He looks more serene to you, more calm and for the first time, you almost don’t mind that he’s doing this.

The way his stubble felt against your cheek.

Hold me like I’m more than just a friend

He steps into the tube, and you feel that crushing sense of fear and claustrophobia again.  But this time, for Bucky’s sake you fight the urge to run, your feet planted to the ground as if rooted there.

The way your bodies seemed to mold to each other’s, perfectly entwined.

Give me a memory I can use

It’s minutes away from happening now, and the anticipation is killing you.  You meet Steve’s eyes, both of you trying to keep a strong front up, and both of you failing miserably.

The feel of his hair between your fingers.

Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do

They initialize the sequence, and you see the fog begin to flood the compartment, Bucky’s eyes begin to droop.  Before they close and the fog envelops him, his eyes find yours.

The taste of his lips as the two of you kissed for the last time.

It matters how this ends

The smoke clears and he’s asleep, peaceful.

You take one last lingering look, before forcing yourself to leave, 

The way you love him.

Cause what if I never love again?

[mageofblack6]

New York, New Week

Day two starts here. I took an Uber with an actor to my apartment and he said he was starting a business and gave me his card. My living situations were interesting. I got the top bunk of a bunk bed in this three bedroom Air BnB where my host doesn't even live here and the front door to the apartment doesn't actually shut... there could be up to 9 girls here which I thought there was going up to four. (Including the host). I had trouble getting in the day before because the host's designated person to live here didn't even know I was coming so I didn't have a bed when I first arrived last night. Eventually I got into the apartment building and left my stuff to find my school. It was a fifty minute walk down Broadway, i saw naked girls and Disney characters and dancers. There were a lot of people. I eventually found the street my new school was supposed to be on but I circled the block twice trying to find it. A man from the Dominican Republic let me into the building because it seemed to be the right one. His accent sounded Hungarian. Once I was inside I left to return back to my apartment as it was getting dark. Next morning I woke up to loud police cars making an awful noise and using a speaker to tell people to get out of the way. I really had to pee but from 9-10:30 there were females in the one bathroom. Eventually I got into the bathroom did my business in and was ready to go to orientation. That process was somewhat inspiring the teachers seemed to love what they do and they do it well. They know what their craft is and they're wanting to share it in as little time as possible. The safety orientation was incredible, the instructor was entertaining and hilarious. Once we got our schedules we needed to find Barnes and noble, My phone wouldn't pull it up so I decided to find a group headed that way and went with them. They were young, loud, and obnoxious so I ended up chatting with one of the moms there. She bought my school books and gave me her card and invited me to Long Island when I get settled in. She was beautiful and looked young and she was really nice, only a little bit ditzy but it was very endearing. I really like her. I realized I live directly off where Wicked is ran and I am so close to Broadway I can pretty much taste it. After getting my books I walked home, saw some break dancers, and went to find The Waitress. I impulsively bought a ticket (later I had to exchange the day because I realized I have class) and found a clothing store to apply to, as well as a grocery store. I bought a week's worth of breakfast and lunch and ramen for dinner for $40 and the couple in front of me bought 5 or 6 items and spent $74, so I was doing good spending food money. I returned home exhausted and organized and moved my stuff to the side, put my schedule in my phone and tried to relax. I keep missing Love and my puppy and my cat, but I really like this type of life, I feel like I could do this again. Let's see how I feel after a month. Ive almost finished learning exactly where I need to go without a map. Yesterday a German girl stripped and then climbed into the bed below mine.. which I thought belonged to the Host's designated person... and then that person also climbed in the bed too... I think they're together. I went to my first class, a dance class with a really sweet teacher who reminded me that I could do musical theatre on ships: definitely a future option. We had lunch but because I searched for my keys for 18 minutes I forgot my breakfast and lunch so I bought delicious lunch at a hummus pita place. It was great. We returned to class which was a scene class and we shared our experiences and given a couple scenes. Then proceeded to out vocal class where I accidentally held my breath too long. After dinner we had a song performance and our teacher was interesting. Reminded me of a teacher back in Georgia. We did an exercise where we each sang a line of the new song in a circle and then we needed to speak it as a monologue. Everyone in the room went there were some really compelling actors and amazing talent in the room. One of them even made me tear up-- and she was the one that struggled the second most. Another teared up herself in the beginning! For my turn, the instructors blurted it that I was different and unique and I believe they even said I was weird. They told me I was almost not human and almost a celestial being. They told me I could be someone from what sounded like a show with mermaids? Unfortunately I forgot to write it down. But also that I was very different in the sense that there was no one like me at all. (Then they told the rest of the class that they also were unique so they didn't leave them out and came back and told me that I was especially unique) and that I was a natural comedian (I laughed because I was told multiple times by other people I have no sense of humor). One of them told me that I am that person who makes the 'cool' choice but then I shut it down. That I have a ray of sun in me that I basically flash and then shut down. I felt like I was having my fortune told. After classes ended I rushed to the train with a classmate to find the trains broken and then she bought a taxi ride halfway to my apartment. I walked the rest of the way and then back at my apartment I studied and showered. I discovered the German and the host's host aren't dating. I listened to the screams as the cast of Wicked came out to sign autographs. I also bought a filter water bottle because the tap water here tastes gross so I tried to make it work... and I kind of made it work and then it was bed time because New York, I'm discovering is exhausting. I woke up multiple times and had a bad dream so I thought I'd be exhausted come the next school day, and I honestly was. But our movement course was a lot of ensemble building without the ensemble. He wanted us to emphasize on ourself within the circle and decide everyone else will follow which was a really unique way of looking at it. He told us he didn't want our group mentality to be ensemble building. He wanted us to be grounded within ourselves. We basically did running knees. Together. Attempting and failing at being exactly in unison but eventually we figured it out. Out next course was an acting course where he asked us to bring a private moment in class and to follow people around and mimic their walks. Our film course is going to be the hardest for me though the music we listened to was gorgeous, I don't know how I'm going to remember the people or the songs and certainly I don't understand how the American songbook songs would be a good use for auditions if they don't want you to sing a very well known song and everyone knows the American songbook... but I'll take notes and listen. Our last class in song performance we did an exciting exercise where we each sang the song in concession and the first time around was just changing keys. The second time around we were given circumstances with the music and we needed to respond to it. Some of the stories were extremely compelling and it was incredible to create he same story with someone without talking about it first. I headed home and didn't do my homework, still super sore from dance and movement. I woke up this morning and looked up Squeaky Fromme, as she is one of my characters and I found out she's still alive and probably in Rome. She was a very interesting person to read about. I also read about Gypsy Rose Lee who died in the 80s of cancer. In dance class I got hit by another student. She always takes up twice her space in room and we were doing choreography and she takes a little longer to learn or understand what's going on and is a little slower in her movement. So she hit me. And gave me a headache for half the day. She always ends up next to me so she always bumps into me or hits me and she's overall annoying in that way. I think she has a good heart and good intentions. But she's still young and has to grow up some. Our next class was scene study and we read our scenes in a circle, I made some discoveries and I definitely favor Squeaky Fromme. I really feel like I can identify with her on a base level. I'd LOVE to meet her. Our next class was song performance where we each were given two song to memorize, one with the group, and one specifically for us. Mine was definitely an interesting combination. I can't wait to start working on it. Then we had our monologue class where we met Dia. And she's a hoot. She's the actress I used to see and thought I could never be like, but now I know I'm more like her than others. She let us know about an amazing shop for plays and the library lets us see Broadway without having to pay for it. (Old shows of course). She had a little trouble finding me a monologue, but when she did it was an "I love you" pep talk and it suited me extremely well. Following that was reading for our acting course tomorrow and passing out early from exhaustion. Which didn't end up being too early because I was sharing some of myself with Love and acknowledging that Ex and Molester were toxic people and trying to talk to me and it reminded me of how grateful it was to have Love around. Even if he was tons of miles away. He was and is one of the best things that ever happened to me. And this opportunity is one of the best things I've ever sought.