#weird little blueberry spend like 10 minutes on this for no reason

[bluebxmfing]

This is stupid, validate me anyway

[likefacesaretohearts]

Knocked Up

Pablo and reader grow in their relationship and possibly their family.

Listen to this Kings of Leon song while you readdd

Warnings: fluff, mentions of sex, some slightly graphic language, mentions of unprotected sex, pregnancy

*******************************************************

The last few weeks you spent in Canada with Pablo and his two boys had been amazing. At first you were apprehensive about going on a trip with just him and his kids because you hadn't spent much time with them. Plus, you didn't want to be the stereotypical younger girlfriend that tags along and makes family trips awkward.

"The boys think you're cool. It'll be fun for all of us to spend time together. Trust me, babydoll," Pablo had told you while you were laying in bed the night before you left California.

Thankfully he was right. You got a chance to be with Pablo without all the distractions that were in LA and a chance to really get to know his kids. When you had first started dating Pablo, neither of you were sure if it was gonna be a lasting relationship or just a brief fling, so you agreed that you wouldn't meet his children until you got serious. Without expecting it, you fell quickly and deeply in love within 10 months of being together.

You were on an early morning hike with Pablo on a beautiful trail in the hills when you both decided to take a break and sit on the grass, looking out at a gorgeous wooded area. He had taken his shirt off and beads of sweat glistened off his back, chest and arms. You found his love of nature and being active so sexy— you laid your head on his damp shoulder and let out a contented sigh. "I'm so glad we came here," you said. "I feel like this is the life I wanna live."

"Me too," he said. "It's weird...I never thought someone could just fit in our family, but you do, y/n."

The sun was getting hotter as it got later in the morning, so the two of you decided to head back to the cabin you were staying in because the kids would be awake soon. You made a beeline for the shower because, well, you were in dire need of one after that hike. Peeling off your leggings and tank top and then feeling the cool water against your skin was an unmatched feeling. After a few minutes you heard a light knock on the bathroom door and Pablo asking "Ok if I come in?"

"Yeah, babe," you shouted so he could hear you. You figured that maybe he had to pee or wanted to brush his teeth or something. Instead, he opened the shower curtain and soon he was in the shower right behind you, planting a kiss on your bare shoulder. He grabbed the bottle of body wash that was nearby and said "Can I get under the water baby?" You switched spots with him so he could rinse himself off too.

"Rose hip oil? What the hell does that do?" He was reading the bottle of body wash in confusion.

"I don't know, but it smells good, right?" You replied.

He stepped closer to you so that his chest was touching yours and said "You smell good" with a very sly smile. "Ah so that's why you came in here," you said with a laugh. "You sneaky bastard." Pablo grabbed you and started kissing you as if he were in need of air and you were the only supply of it. His hand traveled down to your ass, then wandered between your legs. His dick was hard against your thigh and he whispered lustfully on your ear "You're so beautiful, honey. Let me show you how beautiful you are." Between heavy kisses you managed to say "Oh, baby I want to but I can't right now." You and Pablo both had very high sex drives and there was rarely a time when the two of you didn't feel like having sex...except for when you were ovulating. That was a time when the two of you were very careful and refrained from being together during that window of time because you weren't on birth control and you hadn't had a conversation about having children together yet. Hell, you were just now becoming comfortable with the two children that he had.

A look of understanding spread across his face, and he grabbed your face in his hands then kissed your forehead then your lips. "Alright sweetheart. How about I make you breakfast instead? What do you want, we got just about everything in the kitchen..."

"Surprise me," you said with a smile. He jumped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, leaving you to relax some more and exfoliate.

Fresh out of the shower and dressed in a pair of shorts and a comfy sweatshirt, you went into the kitchen to see what Pablo was cooking. "Blueberry or pecan?" He asked. Waffles. "Hmm...both!" The boys were at the other end of the house in the living room playing video games, but even though they weren't close by he lowered his voice when he said "So about earlier...would it be so bad?" Pablo did this sometimes, speaking as if you already knew what he was talking about without actually explaining first and you'd have to reel him in. "Babe, did you have the first part of this conversation without me?"

He put some freshly made waffles on a plate and started making more. "Remember in the shower earlier? When you said you couldn't..." he raised his eyebrows at the risk of the kids somehow hearing his say the word 'sex'. "Would it be so bad if we did... had a baby?"

You almost choked on the coffee you had been sipping. Of course you loved him and you wanted kids, you always had, but you had no idea he had even thought about having more. After taking a second to gather you thoughts, you said "You want another baby?"

"I mean, yeah. I never really put a time or intention on it because I haven't been in a serious relationship in a while, but it's something that's always been in the back of my mind. I don't wanna freak you out if it's too soon for you to think about...but I can see that for us. What if we had alittle girl that looks just like you?"

Hearing him talk like that made you emotional for some reason. It was the thing everyone who wants a family wants to hear their partner say. You got up and hugged him from behind as he continued to cook and kissed his shoulder.

"So you're open to it?" He asked sheepishly.

"Mhm," you said, smiling. He turned around and planted a sweet kiss on your lips.

"Boys, breakfast is ready. Come & get it!"

*************************************************

To put it simply, you felt like shit. You had notoriously bad periods and you could definitely feel it coming on. It was a about a week late but along with being generally awful, your periods were also unpredictable. The strange part was that you didn't have cramps, but we're extremely nauseous and overall weak. You and Pablo were still in Canada and it'd been about two weeks since you had agreed that a baby was in the cards for y'all. He joked that the two of you should start "trying" but you'd been feeling so terrible lately that you barely had the energy to do the day to day activities you guys usually did with the kids, like hiking, riding dirt bikes and watching movies, let alone have the kind of energetic sex you and Pablo usually have.

Pablo and the kids were about to head to the store to stock up on some more food and supplies for the cabin. He came into the room you shared where you'd been laying down and watching 13 Going on 30 on TV to distract you from how gross you felt. He crouched down next to the bed and rubbed your head.

"Is there anything you want me to grab for you at the store? I hate seein you like this, honey."

Somehow in that moment, it all clicked. You felt dumb for not realizing what the cause of your sickness probably was. Without even really thinking it through, you blurted out, "I think I need a pregnancy test...kind of...I think!"

"You think you could be pregnant?" He asked with innocent excitement growing in his voice.

"I mean, I wouldn't quite rule it out."

About an hour later the three of them had returned and after making the boys a quick snack to hold them over before dinner, he brought a plastic bag into your room and sat on the bed. "Alright, my lovely," he said, pulling out a ginger ale, some sour gummy worms for your nausea and...the pregnancy test. Two of them, as a matter of fact. "I have an idea, but let me know if you're not up for it: you take both the tests, leave them in the bathroom, then me and you go for a walk outside and when we come back we can look at it together."

"Let's do it," you said, pulling on some shoes and a hoodie to protect you from the brisk night air.

The sky was a gorgeous orange, yellow and faded purple, the perfect backdrop for a sunset. You and Pablo walked hand in hand through the nearby wooded area, taking about the possibility of you carrying your first child together and how thrilled his boys would be. As you walked and talked, time got away from you and nearly an hour had passed when you decided it would be best to head back. You sent Pablo to the bathroom to go get the tests and bring them to out to the front porch where you'd both decided to sit to look out at the stars.

"You ready?" He asked, reaching out for your hand. You grabbed it and rubbed his hand with your thumb. You turned over one test and he turned over the other at the same time.

Pregnant and pregnant.

Your eyes welled up with tears immediately and you covered your mouth with your hands. He reached over and grabbed you into a bear hug, kissing the top of your head and peppering your face with kisses.

"Baby, how do you feel?" You asked him, your voice muffled by the jacket he was wearing.

"Let's do it, sweetheart."

He grabbed you and lifted you up, carrying you into the house bridal style. The love in both of your eyes was enough to last a lifetime. You couldn't wait to grow your family with him and give the boys a little sibling

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love: Chapter 8

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

The emptier the ship got, the more apparent it was that the ones left were avoiding her.

Chapter 8: Bloody Workout Gear

Quite a few of the crew-members from the Saren mission were taking shore leave on the Citadel, while the Normandy was hopping around the galaxy, taking people home. Tali had gone back to the Flotilla, despite Anya insisting that she'd buy a few junk ships and be her new flotilla if she wanted. And they were currently on their way to drop Wrex off on Tuchanka. He decided, after all their time together, that maybe he should head back and try to bring some order to his people. After all, there was a war coming and Krogan enjoyed a good war.

But it was a little awkward when Kaidan and Liara were still on board and she sometimes went days without seeing them. Liara spent most of her time in her science office, analyzing any Prothean artifacts they had and preparing for her next research position, which they were taking her to after Wrex was gone. And Kaidan was always spending his time with Chakwas, Joker, or working with newer recruits. Basically anything away from Shepard.

Even Garrus seemed to be avoiding her. He kept on saying he was busy with some calibrations, always under the Mako, or working on their guns. She thought they were finally good, actually more than good, after Ashley's funeral. But maybe they weren't.

Anya knew that Kaidan had a very good reason to avoid her; she broke his heart into too many pieces that night before Ilos, and she understood that. And she knew Liara was really overwhelmed by suddenly being the foremost researcher on everyone's new favorite ancient species. She at least apologized for continually ditching Shepard at every turn.

Garrus really was the confusing part; she had no clue what she did.

The only person left talking to her was Wrex. She'd have Joker, but Kaidan was holding her favorite pilot hostage as his own personal buddy, so that wasn't an option. It was kinda pathetic that the only person who would talk to her was about to abandon ship in a day or two.

At least the guy loved taking breaks to do some target practice.

"Your aim is shit today, Shepard."

Anya grumbled, took another shot at the target. This time, she hit a half-inch off. "It's not bad."

Wrex laughed at her, laying his own gun on his shoulder. He pointed a very accusatory finger at the target and said, "Yeah, sure. You and the turian can spend hours here waiting for someone to miss, but missing it every time today isn't that bad."

"Fuck off, old man."

Even though she put her pistol in the holster and tried to walk away, Wrex followed her. All the way upstairs to the kitchen, even. "So what's eating you?"

Anya didn't really want to hear it. "Absolutely nothing."

"You say that like a Varren gnawing off their own leg."

Turning around, Anya punched his chest plate. She was pretty over all his prying. The only good part of hanging out with him was their very short conversations. When did it suddenly need to get all serious? "What is it with you and comparing me to Varren?"

"I dunno, you're kinda like one. Vicious and badass, but kinda cute when domesticated."

"It sounds like you're calling me a dog." Shepard took her blueberry juice out of the fridge and poured herself a glass. It was hard not to notice how empty the mess was; empty enough that their voices kind of echoed.

Wrex sat down on a stool across from her. Mental note that if she wants to be bitter and alone, to remove all seating from the kitchen. "No clue what that is, but sure." He gave a pointed look between Anya and the fridge. She groaned, but maybe it would shut him up. She poured him a glass of some very dense Krogan beverage (non alcoholic) and slid it to him. Unfortunately for her, that didn't stop him from talking. "Hope you're not getting feeble on me. I'm expecting you to take care of the galaxy while I take care of Tuchanka."

"I wouldn't dare." When Wrex started drinking, Anya's prayers seemed to be answered. He was glugging down the- beverage? It smelled nice, but looked like sludge. She didn't really know what to make of it. The silent company was nice, reminded her she had friends but didn't remind her that she was off her game because of the other fickle crewmates.

Well, it was good until a certain pilot walked up. "Ooh blue juice? Pass me some of that."

Anya glared at him while she got out the juice, poured another glass, and then handed it to him. She hoped her annoyance seethed into the drink. "Joker, what the hell are you doing here?"

"We're stopped above Tuchanka. We got here early. No one tell you over comms?"

Looking between Wrex and herself, Anya shook her head. "Um, no. That's your job."

"Right... Well, I've taken to not broadcasting my location all over the ship. Sure, I may be at the pilot's seat 10/10 times, but a certain angsty biotic doesn't need to know that."

Shepard peered at Joker and crossed her arms. "Is that why you've been pinging everyone whenever you're in weird places around the ship?"

"Convinced Tali to give me a device that lets me say I'm anywhere without having to be there."

"C'mon, Kaidan can't be that bad."

"He's not, unless he's in a bug funk mood about a certain Commander rejecting him. Oh wait, he is." After frowning at her and rolling his eyes, Joker then turned to Wrex and said, "We told the drop ship that you'd be ready in thirty minutes."

The tall Krogan downed the rest of his drink. "Good thing I haven't packed yet." He waved at them before heading downstairs. Presumably, to do that packing thing. That left Joker, Anya, and the blueberry juice.

After a sip from his glass, Joker said, "So, haven't seen any cranky turians in your room lately."

Anya was about ready to throw her drink at him. Glass first, hopefully. "You shouldn't be seeing anyone in my room, because you shouldn't ever be there in the first place."

"A guy's gotta protect his bones, okay?"

"We're both nearly 30, Joker, maybe stop getting so drunk you need your old academy roomie to babysit you."

Joker took another sip, which seemed to be a sure sign of him saying something annoying. "So you are really bothered about not hanging out with Garrus lately."

"I'm going to break your dick, I swear."

"At least aim for a more impressive threat, Shep. Because that's not a hard thing for anyone to do."

Grumbling, Anya didn't want to dance around whatever stupid point he was trying to make. "Okay, fine. What do you want to say about it?"

"You two just seemed cozy, hanging out on that couch."

"We have a weekly movie night, this isn't exactly wild news."

"I know. Even more suspicious."

Anya was pretty over it. Joker was having too much fun dancing around what he really wanted to say, and she'd rather he just spit it the fuck out. Especially since she knew he was enough of a Kaidan beacon to need anti-lieutenant protocols. She didn't really want to have to deal with that right now, either. "Get to the fucking point, Jeff."

"All I'm saying is that you don't get very cozy with people. Exhibit A is literally stalking me around this ship out of heartbreak. I just want to get a feel on what's happening here. Mama bear would be interested if you're getting close to someone. She was pretty pissed you didn't tell her about Rike back in the day."

"One, why are you discussing my sex life with my mother? And two, there's nothing for her or you to be pissed or prying about. So shove off it."

"You say that, but I have eyes."

"Not for long if you keep this up."

"Fine, fine. I'm just saying, why aren't you talking to him?"

"I-" Before she could say anything, Wrex came upstairs, dragging Vakarian in tow. Garrus looked a little shell-shocked and Anya couldn't help but stare. Wrex didn't even let the poor guy wipe the oil grease off his face.

Then very loudly, Wrex announced, "Now, you two are gonna escort me down to Tuchanka."

While she and Garrus were just swallowing down the awkwardness between them, Wrex was shouldering his pack. Joker said, "I wish I could pack that fast. Damn."

Leaving her blueberry juice, Anya tried to get a handle on the very quickly changing situation. "I'll just go grab my armor-"

"No need, I just wanna show off that the so called "savior of the Citadel" has my back. Good way to start showing dominance and fixing shit up, right?"

Anya didn't even know how to argue. "I guess, sure. The workout gear will do."

He threw an arm around her and Garrus and then dragged them to the stairs. "Time to show my planet I'm back."

They followed him to the docking port in relative silence. Their next few minutes were spent entering a drop ship and watching the burning planet all the way to the surface. No one spoke. Wrex had this purposeful energy to him, and she didn't know what to say out loud that they hadn't already said the past few days.

But Garrus, across from her? He seemed like he was itching with something. He kept on fidgeting with his armor and checking the clips on his sniper rifle. Even that night she was a drunken idiot, he could look at her the next day. Albeit after a lot of awkward talking, but now he seemed a world away. What made it worse was that she had no clue how to reach him.

When they landed, Wrex was happy to walk out into the Krogan hub, with the blistering sun hitting his face. but when he exited into the harsh brightness, Anya suck it up and opted for the least tactful approach. She grabbed Garrus' arm. "I don't know what I did, but whatever it was, I'm sorry."

"Shepard, I-"

His answer was interrupted by Wrex calling them over to a group of nearby Krogan. The entire ship port experience was Wrex just dragging her around, telling slightly exaggerated stories of how badass he was to prove a point. She understood that for a merc coming home, this was the equivalent of networking. But with the turian on his other side, she couldn't help but feel like she had some things to say that were getting overrun by Wrex's posturing.

That is, until she felt a bullet whiz past her ear. She turned her head around and saw a trio of Krogan running their way. With a quick order to take cover barked at her companions, Anya dove behind cover as quickly as she could. From the looks of their armor, they didn't seem to have any merc gang affiliations, so her only source of information was the krogan in cover next to her. "What the hell, Wrex?! You told me not to wear armor!"

He shrugged. "I figured someone might come after me. Chances were low, but it definitely proves a bigger point if we kick their ass in no armor."

"You're not wrong, but I hate you for it. You owe me new workout gear if this gets bloody."

"I can do that."

Lucky for her, Wrex brought along the two best shots on the team. And even better, the krogan attacking were mostly relying on shotguns. They just had to shoot 'em out before they got too close. She just had to hope their durability wasn't great.

Just as they downed the lead krogan, she noticed a shimmer on the other side of Garrus. Any infiltrator knew what that meant. "Vakarian! Tactical cloak to your left." Garrus reacted accordingly and they shot the stealthy one down, but it made her a little more wary of what they were up against. Looking towards her krogan friend, she yelled, "Shit, Wrex, they must really want you dead."

"Great, huh?"

"Not the word I'd use for it."

Anya was about to peek out from cover and take some shots at the final krogan, but Garrus beat her to the punch. "Shepard, look out!" He was rolling from his cover to hers and dragged her to where Wrex was hiding.

And right after they got behind the metal crates, the final krogan barrelled through the box she'd been hiding behind. Her eyes met Garrus' and she said, "Thanks." The second she spoke, though, he released her waist like it was a ticking grenade and instead stood up, shot the krogan in the eye, and he dropped dead.

Wrex stood up and smirked. "That's the best welcome home present I've ever gotten."

"Bud, we're gotta have a conversation about what you find endearing." Taking a deep breath, Anya glanced down at her shirt and noticed there was a few drops of blood on her. They seemed to be coming from a forehead scrape from when Garrus dragged her away from the danger box. "Shit. And you definitely owe me new clothes."

"Technically Garrus did that."

"Yeah, but you're the one who made me come without my gear."

"Fine, I'll send the credits. But it was worth it."

When her omni-tool pinged with the money, she let out a sigh. It also emptied out any annoyance for putting her life in danger, since everyone always did that to her all the time. Including herself. "Tell us if you got too many assassins to handle."

"I think I'll be set after that display of quads." Then, Wrex turned to her and Garrus and pulled them into a hug. "Until next time." And when he stepped back, he gave Anya a wink. "Vakarian. Shepard."

She rolled her eyes, but played along. "Wrex."

And then he picked up his bag and walked off.

Anya should definitely be less surprised that they just had the most krogan goodbye in existence. But for now, she'd settle for getting off the damn planet. She just jogged her ass back to the drop ship. While Shepard wasn't one for running away, she also wasn't about to encourage any other krogan to try to fight her, not like this. If she was lucky she could rub out the blood and have two pairs of good workout gear.

Garrus followed behind silently and, in a few short minutes, they were closed up in the drop ship, her wound was bandaged, and they were heading back to the Normandy.

But that was when the real battle started. Anya hated to admit it, but Joker was right. She couldn't stand not talking to Garrus, and it had to stop. "Garrus..."

"Shepard, I'm leaving."

The words hung between them like a dead man. Her fingers felt numb. After too long of him not looking at her, Anya asked, "What?"

"When we talked, I figured out I wanted to do more for the galaxy. Like you do. And the next day, I got an offer to join the Spectres training program. I said yes."

Everything felt so dry and cold, the air, her skin, the energy between them. Anya didn't really know how to process it. But she did know what she should say, what was honest and true. "You'd make a great Spectre, Garrus." Then, she tried to add it all together, and still ended up lost and confused. "But then why were you avoiding me?"

"Because I didn't know how to tell you I was leaving. Or maybe I just didn't want to tell you." Garrus sighed and sat down next to her. "I know this is what I want, but that doesn't mean I want to leave you. I didn't want you to feel like that's why I did it."

"Of course not. I get it." There were a lot of feelings running around her head, but in all honesty? Few of them had anything to do with him. She was proud of him and admired him. He wanted to be a hero. How could she blame any of her fantastic team for wanting to make a difference, even if it meant leaving her?

The only real things making her pause were her own, irrelevant feelings of attachment to him. And they were her problem, not his. So, like a good friend, Anya shut up the feelings and added, "When do you leave?"

"Two weeks. We'll drop off Liara, check out Alchera for the Council, and then when we stop back to the Citadel to report, I stay."

Anya crossed her arms and gave him the most deadpan, serious look she could. "Well, we got a lot of movies to watch before that, then."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You ever heard of James Bond?"

///

The thought of Garrus leaving literally cracks my heart so that’s fun. 

I’m sick an burning my tongue with warm beverages like a proper knob, but posting this stuff and being my weird creative self with you folks help make it better <3 

The true behind the screens drama is that I’m sick ALL THE TIME so sorry if that’s the narrative 50% of the time.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support my writing and creations, please go check out my bio for more info :) (hint, I’m trying to buy a desktop to share more of my goon, fandom trash behavior with everyone. Any support is appreciated!) 

[dreammutual-remade]

high school!donghyuck

request: idk if you’re taking reqs but i really like ur highscool aus so if u want to write one abt hyuck ill be :^))))))) - anonymous

word count: 5.1k

a/n: oof its been awhile unnies!!!! ive had exams for the past two weeks and I still have exams now so im sorry for not posting anything but reblogs with headassery in the tags!!! we are continuing the high school series n renjun is next!! since I got like 3 requests for him !!!!! hhehhehehheheh its gonna b cute <3 anyways hope u enjoy this I love my lil duckie baby

masterlist

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

big oof i’m gonna cry while writing this

i’m running out of creative ways to say let’s dive in

let us take the plunge

okay!!!!!!!!!! so you’ve been an editor/writer for the school paper for pretty much all of your high school career

you’re not super well known though because you don’t try to take any credit for anything and always sign your pieces like “- the daily newspaper team” or smth 

anywhom you’ve always loved writing about the stuff around you or making up little short stories

one of your hobbies is just going people watching and trying to write down a brief description of people you see and what you think they’re on the way to do

you’ve befriended the baristas at your favorite spot, lucas and mark, and they always beg to read them but you never let them because mark is too nice to tell you it’s shit and lucas is too dumb to at least say it nicely

you’ve got at least 6 notebooks FULL of these little stories but you’ve never really ? showed anyone because wow showing others your work is Scary

criticism ???/$&/&:&:&:

it’s midway through the first semester of the school year and you’ve been super busy since it’s football season and you gotta write about all the games

and you haven’t had much time to write your cute little stories for yourself and you miss it a lot :/

this weekend though the chance of rain is SUPER high so the football game is cancelled and you have plenty of time to yourself !! :D

there is, a setback tho

THUNDER!!!!! IS SO SCARY !!!!!!

u fckin softie

you decide to tough it out though and get suited up in some polka dot rain boots and a rain jacket and set off to find somewhere to chill

as you’re walking to the nearest lil greenhouse/cafe thing it starts raining ,, ,,, hARDER

when you started it wasn’t rlly raining it was just like that weird tension in the air right before the air pressure drops and it starts to rain and you were already on edge OOF

but then it’s raining so you clutch your notebook to your chest and dash

usain bolt had nothing on you girly you were ZOOM ZOOM

broom broom- doyoung

unfortunately you don’t make it though because with you head down to keep the rain out of your eyes you run RIGHT into someone’s CHEST !!!!!!

hehe u know i’m a sucker for these god damn TROPES

your notebook goes flying and and the arms attached to the Chest That Caused Your Grief come up to catch you by the arms

“oh gOD sorry are you okay ??? i wasn’t looking and i was trying to keep my journal dr- MY JOURNALSDJDDD”

you fling yourself out of this boys arms and pick up your soaking wet journal sadly

:((((((( you had so many stories in there wtf

“oh shit i’m sorry do you uh want me to buy you another one ???”

“no that’s okay it wasn’t your fault :( and it’s just a journal i’m only sad because all my stories are gone :(((((“

you finally look up from your Ruined journal to see , the prettiest boy

you can’t tell for sure cause his hair is soaking wet but it’s a bright red that looks a bit faded and his skin is tanned and golden like HONEY OOF

he meets your eyes and awkwardly smiles and he looks so GUILTY AW

“no really it’s fine don’t feel bad!!”

“okay but i feel bad what can i do to make it up to you?”

“hMMM you could come help me think of wacky stories about people who walk past”

“well if you INSIST m’lady”

“aw, never mind”

“IM JUST KIDDING SJDJJD”

so in the pouring rain you both walk to cafe and find a little corner to people-watch in

on the way there he tells you his name is donghyuck but his friends call him hyuck

“dude that’s the sound goofy makes when he laughs your friends are terrible”

“oh my god i don’t even think they know what they’re saying HsjdjHEHHS”

after a couple minutes of bad goofy impressions you decide to call him duckie instead because ,,,, GARSH MICKEY 🤠🤠🤠

also because it’s cute

you didn’t hear this from me but he uwued so hard rip his street cred with the Boys

anyways right before you settle in you’re like hey uh did you have somewhere to be like weren’t you heading places

and he was like nah i like the rain it’s nice to just walk around feels GOOD

your eyes widen so big and he snorts because what’s so ridiculous about that

and you’re like uh UH NO NOPE NO SIR I DONT FUCK WITH DEMONS

your dramatic ass tries to get up and LEAVE but he grabs your wrist and is like noooo we haven’t even written any stories yet why do you hate rain so much ??

you explain how thunder is the work of the devil and that lightning could strike you down where you stand at any moment and storms are EVIL

he chuckles and side eyes you

“aW you big wimp you’re afraid of thunderstorms aren’t you”

“yES. like any sane person would be”

“you know a lot of people actually like storms”

“like i said, SANE people do not”

and then you change the subject right quick because your face is getting RED with embarrassment

you n donghyuck spend like 2 hours just sitting in the corner and writing little scenarios on napkins

“oh shit that girl over there with the french braids is TOTALLY gonna marry hipster beanie guy in two years. mark my words”

“idk y/n she lowkey has the hots for the barista”

“ ew you mean mark??”

“yeah. now THAT man is a work of art”

MARKHYUCK RISE

“god what is wrong with you maybe you should buy me another book”

“too late now we’re FRIENDS and i don’t owe you ANYTHING”

“being friends doesn’t work like that at all but, okay”

at the end of the day you’ve got a stack of napkins with scribbled notes on them

(one of them has donghyuck’s number on it skdkkfjd)

he leaves you with a bright smile and you’re in awe this boy is so golden and lovely

oof and when you were still in the cafe his hair had dried to the unnatural red color that he ? somehow made look good ugh not fAIR

and it was a lil curly and fluffy and looked very soft :(((((

as you walk home you drift along the sidewalk with a stupid smile on your face wow please get a little less obvious hunty

when you get home the sun is setting and the rain has cleared and you are so Happy that was the best day !!!

you weren’t even scared of the thunder because whenever the sky would fckin CRACK OPEN hyuck would subtly try to keep your attention and distract you with questions

the sky: AAAAAAAAAAA

duckie: oH Hey uhhh so hOW do you even come up these stories ?):$:$ theyre so good

such a sweet boy uwu

when you get home your mom eyes you suspiciously as you drift down the hall towards your room but doesn’t comment

she didn’t need to though because you immediately return and tell her everything !!!

she encourages you to befriend him at school and see where it goes from there ;))) or just TEXT HIM

so you do

both of those things !!!

you: hey!! it’s y/n btw

duckie: hey! u make it home alive without the sky cracking open and killing u

you: stOP MAKING FUN OF ME

you send him memes and he sends , even better ones back this boy is Husband Material

the next couple weeks you realize that hyuck is actually in like a lot of your classes

and he’s like yeah i don’t blame you for not noticing since your nose is always in one of those Damn Journals

can’t believe u smh

anywhom

you start actually interacting with people in class

and by people i mean donghyuck and any of his friends who happen to be there

you literally get thrown into their friendgroup like one day you know donghyuck and have vaguely heard of jeno since he’s on the soccer team

and then the next you’re a part of the group message and jaemin begs for your math homework during lunch ????

“jaemin just dO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK FOR ONCE ???”

“ugh but i don’t know how”

“hey you know what maybe if you didn’t sleep in class you WOULD”

“IM TIRED GOD DAMN IT”

this is usually when duckie interjects with

“hey now girls, you’re both smart <3”

“i know im smart but , jaemin , i don’t know about him 😔😔”

poor jaemin leave him alone :(

jisung is , extREMELY awkward around you because he’s a Baby Freshman and you’re a Female Senior hsjdjf it’s so cute

and chenle is the complete opposite he IMMEDIATELY latches onto you and is always like

“y/n !!!! wanna watch this video of me singing and playing the piano when i was thirteen on live national television !!!!”

“y/N !!!!!!! can you drive me n jisung to get ice cream plEASE !!! we won’t even play PSY this time”

“okay,,,,, pinky promise?”

his pinky hooks around yours at an incredible speed as he jumps up and down with excitement

“pinky promise !!!!!!!!!!”

hyuck overhears and insists upon coming with for , unknown reasons

renjun and jeno keep snickering to each other across the lunch table too uGH

sneaky bastards !

after school you wait in the parking lot for the Babies with hyuck who looks rather flushed considering his skin is pretty tan and it takes a lot for him to visibly blush ??

“hey duckie boy you good?”

“haha yEAH uh just wondering where the boys are hhhh”

“oh yeah ! they should’ve been here like 10 mins ago”

your phone buzzes in your pocket and you go to check it to see a text in the group message

lele: hey y/n~ me n jisung can’t come we totally forgot we joined a frisbee team and there’s practice today !!!

blueberry: yeah ! have fun w/ hyuckie tho

moominluvr96: sjdjd i’m so proud of them

jenomunomunomu: absolute legends have fun at ur frisbee practice my sons

you: 🅱️ro i wanted to go home and SLEEP

blueberry: sorry ! xoxo :*

duckie: chenle my son ? how could you 🅱️etray me this way???

you: ur dead to me

you: literally what’s a chenle ?? sounds like a poisonous fruit

lele: NO IM SORRY

but tbh you’re just being Silly you don’t mind just going with Sunshine Boy

hyuck has only gotten redder as the texting went on though what’s his deal 0.0

you agree to take his car !

actually you insist because you don’t wanna drive but, let’s say you agreed

you find out that hyuck exclusively listens to hipster bands and the occasional troye sivan song because we love a gay legend

actually his music taste is ALL OVER THE PLACE but we r still boppin ladies

you roll the windows down even tho it’s Chilly and let your hand float in the breeze until your fingers start getting numb and you pull your hand back in and roll up the window

okay maybe that was a Bad Idea your fingers almost hurt they’re so cold and you’re rubbing the feeling back into them when hyuck clears his throat

you look up at him and he tilts his chin toward the hand he stretched toward you

you’re confused bc like ? i don’t have anything to give u duckie

he sighs anxiously

“just. give me your hand. mine are warm because i didn’t try to be cool and stick my hand out the window like this is a teen coming of age movie”

“have you ever just been nice and not followed it up with a weirdly specific insult”

“nope. now gimme”

you cautiously placed your hand in his and felt heat bloom all over your cheeks and trail up to your ears and down your neck

he gulps and interlocks your fingers and tucks them in the pocket of his hoodie

you have to lean against the console in between you a little so that your arm isn’t strained but it’s,,,,, Warm and Nice

you’re quick to continue the conversation like normal but your voice sometimes goes in and out since he is subconsciously rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand or tapping his fingers against yours

when you arrive you awkwardly pull your hand from his grip to get out of the car and he cringes a lil :(

you decide to be bold for once in your life and run around the car to catch up with him and shove your other hand into his

“this one’s cold too”

he ducks his head and smiles but gives your hand a lil squeeze :3 uwu

eventually though you do have to let go and enjoy your ice cream

you just make small talk with him about the newspaper and whatever homework is due the next day when a man walks in wearing BRIGHT RED CLOWN SHOES

the weirdest part though is the fact that other than the clown shoes the man is dressed like a body builder and has the hulking mass of one

and also there is a PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER ???

you and hyuck whip to face each other and then look back at the man

without looking away you slide your notebook to the middle of the table and flip open to where you’ve bookmarked the next available page

needless to say you both have a field day making up storylines for this man

“hey hyuckie i missed this it’s been forever since it’s been just the two of us and my journal”

“me too, sunshine”

“heY now you’re the sunshine in this relationship”

both of you choke at your use of the term “relationship” but continue with the conversation JSKSK

“alright but then you have to be the rain”

“aw you know i don’t like the rain”

“yes i know that’s why YOU are sunshine”

“kay but you are so much more like sunshine than i, an Emo”

“how bout i be sunshine since you like sunshine and me, and you be rain since i like rain and you”

OOF ????????

you blush for the Millionth Time and nod shyly and duckie is about to turn purple YIKES

you leave the ice cream shop and climb back in the car and the whole atmosphere is very Tense

you sigh because you miss holding his hand and then turn up the song on the radio which just happens to be, Walkin On Sunshine

THE !!! IRONY !!!

you giggle into your hand and he snorts and you both break into laughter

you plug your phone into the aux

“alright time for some Real Tunes”

“i swear to GOD if you play Bad Boy one more time i’m gonna LOSE IT”

“fuck you red velvet are LEGENDS”

“the only reason you know who they are is because mark tells everyone with a pulse that one of them is from canada just like him”

“okay and ??? i can still appreciate that they produce iconic songs only”

“LISTEN I LOVE RED VELVET TOO BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”

you playfully bicker the whole way back and when you get back to the school to pick up your car you realize you never even got to play your song

“for your information, i was in fact NOT going to play bad boy i was going to play the bop of the century, what is love by twice”

and then, with heavy sarcasm

“well gee why didn’t you just sAY SO”

“IM SICK OF YOUR GIRL GROUP SLANDER LEE DONGHYUCK”

then he giggles and grabs your hand to keep you from getting more than halfway out of the car

“okay okay you know i’m just messing with you”

“yes but leave my gorls out of it”

he releases your hand with fake disgust and wipes it on the passenger seat headrest

“ugh go home, gru”

“it’s a good meme and you can’t even deny it duckie boy”

you blow him a half serious half playful kiss as you bounce over to your car and climb in

you play bad boy and roll the windows down as you drive by his car just to spite him and he laughs good naturedly

it’s only when you get home that you’re like heyyyy nOW

WAS THAT A DATE ??????

you tell your mom about it and she’s like uHHH sounds like a DATE to me ???

but you’re Unsure so you don’t say anything to the others or hyuck just the usual goodnight texts and whatnot

although it could be argued ,, that goodnight texts are a little, relationship-y

it could also be argued , that you do have his contact name as , duckie☼♥

but those can be discussed another time

you continue to hang out with the boys although you refuse to allow them to sit with you at football games because they’re so DISTRACTING

jeno and jisung just fckin yell the whole time while you try to jot notes down to turn it into a story later for the paper

but you can’t concentrate or even figure out wtf is goin on because they’re scREAMING and jumping and messing you uP !

so you sent them elsewhere although,,, hyuck stayed with you

he always does “just in case you get cold or smth”

ur not fooling anyone hyuckie baby

and would you look at that time has FLOWN and it’s time for homecoming !!!!

you plan on going in a big group with hyuck and all The Boys and jaemin has even scored a date !!!

it was highkey through trickery but that’s okay

chenle and jisung are gonna wear matching shirts because they’re headass like that

you’ve already bought a dress and you haven’t ….. shown hyuckie……. just in case……… he asks you

since he…… hasn’t …… YET

renjun keeps assuring you that you don’t need to find a date and that everything is covered but ???? inch resting how duckie has done nOT ONE THING

alright the day of the dance you wake up feeling a little off but go through your normal saturday routine of eating a waffle and absentmindedly watching old gossip girl reruns

but later in the day you feel SHITTY

you’re flushed and your head hurts and it takes so much EFFORT just to get up and get a glass of water

you , comrade, are sick :-(

you text in the gm to let your boys know you can’t come

chenle thinks you’re faking until he calls and hears you sniffling and how rough your voice sounds

“hEY THOT I KNOW UR FAKING BC U DONT HAVE A DATE”

“chenle if it didn’t hurt to speak i would yell at u but my eyes are watering please just text me”

“oh,,,,sorry love u”

and then he hangs up real fast lmao

so you decide to just wallow in despair in your bed and rent overpriced movies on demand

there’s a half drank mug of tea that has long gone cold that contains the medicine you’re supposed to be taking but,, you can’t be bothered tbh lifting your hand is so hard

after a few movies and the sun setting there’s knock at the door ???

you barely hear it since you’re in your room with the door closed but /sigh/ you gotta go answer

you drag yourself out of bed and stumble to the front door and open it, immediately slumping against the frame

this whole time you have still not opened your eyes because light hurts a lil and you know your house well enough

in hindsight that was probably dumb considering you don’t know who’s at the door

you try to open your eyes but they only turn half lidded and droopy so you can just barely make out donghyuck looking Concerned on your front porch

“duckie? what are u doing here?”

“uhhh i uh came to take you to homecoming ??”

he then holds up some flowers and smiles awkwardly

“duckie. baby. sunshine. did u not read the texts i sent ? also it is VERY late to be asking me to homecoming. also, i am a little high on cold medication”

“srry princess, can i come in? you look like you need company and soup and possibly some Sarcastic Banter”

“sounds good duck”

“okay duckie was already incorrect please don’t shorten it to duck”

“you know i didn’t have to let you in”

“so what kind of soup do you want? :-)”

he busies himself attempting to make soup while you have melted into a chair at the dining table with one eye cracked open to watch him

he is very obviously Struggling so you wobble to your feet to stand behind him at the stove and maybe lean a little too much into his back to prop your chin up on his shoulder and reach a hand around him to turn the heat down on the stove

you’ve reached the point of I Don’t Give A Shit and have given up on trying not to be affectionate with him you’re too tired and sickly to restrain yourself and his heart is just steadily beating faster and faster

after your soup you drag him into your bedroom to force him to provide you warmth while watching another movie

but he digs his heels into the floor and tugs on your hand to turn you around

“since you’re missing homecoming….. wanna dance?”

“in my bedroom. while i’m dying. with no music.”

“i’ll take care of the music. cmon don’t be difficult”

“i’m not being difficult i’m just-

you’re cut off by him pressing a finger to your lips and going shhhhhh

you open your mouth to curse him out bc hOW DARE HE

but then he gently pulls you by the waist into his chest and does his best to tuck you under his chin

you’re too comfortable like this so you don’t bother admonishing him for earlier and just settle into his embrace

you loop your arms around his neck as he starts to sway you back and forth

after a couple seconds he starts humming, quietly at first and then louder

and then he starts singing and it’s so sO SWEET AND SOFT

you can feel each breath he takes under your hands and the vibrating of his vocal chords against your forehead and you just close your eyes and press closer to him

you’ve literally never been this content in your whole life binch

he is so warm and ever so often smooths a hand up and down your spine whenever you shiver a little or shift in his arms

when the song finishes you keep swaying with him a little while longer

you’re leaning against him so hard that like the majority of your weight is on him yikes

“babe are you asleep”

“mm”

“no?”

“mmm”

“pretty close though?”

“hm”

“alright”

he chuckles and presses a barely there kiss to the top of your head and sort of waddles the two of you over to the bed

you don’t even have to ask him to climb in with you that was The Plan, Stan

(that’s a saying and also i’m calling u a stan wow queen of puns)

as soon as he settles in you tuck yourself under his arm and throw an arm over him to play with the fingers of his other hand

you’ve got the breakfast club on and it’s Real Nap Hours

hyuck’s arm falls asleep pretty soon tho so instead you switch to laying on your sides facing each other with your face pressed into his neck and your arms draped over each other

right before you fade into unconciousness, he tilts his chin down and nudges his nose against yours to get your attention

your eyes flutter open and you look up at him while he smiles gently down at your sleepy expression aWE ???

“hey wanna be my date when you’re not on your death bed?”

“god, what a romantic. is that a shakespeare quote?”

“shut up and say yes”

“alright fine”

“with more enthusiasm!”

“YES!! GOD DAMN IT”

he shakes his head but then leans down to press a lingering kiss against your cheek before tucking you back against him and evening out his breathing

you fall asleep and dream of boys with beautiful voices who love to dance in the rain

a couple hours later you wake up to a forehead smooch and your Boy whispering bye angel

you sit up and whine and he’s like bby i have to go it’s like midnight n my momma wants me home :(((

you pout and he giggles and taps your lips with his index finger

“go back to sleep and i’ll text you something nice to wake up to yeah?”

you nod and grab his hand to kiss it before flopping back down and passing The Fuck Out

the next morning you wake up still feeling a bit shitty but smiling anyways bc you’ve scored the cutest boy in the universe uwu

he even kept his promise and left you a cute message to wake up to ;((((

duckie☼♥: good morning bbg i hope ur feeling better today and that the sun shines all day for u !!!

you: JEKDKDJ DUCKIE IM STILL SICK BUT TAKE ME ON A DATE RN

you: 💗💗💗💕💌💞💞💗😤💖🤧😔💗😔🤧😔🌺💐🌺🌺🌸💐😔💛😔💛💐🤧💐💐💖💖

duckie☼♥: noooo ur gross

you: you ruined it :(((

duckie☼♥: i mean noooo u gotta get better

you: okay :)))

you finally get over your cold like 4 days later and insist you’re fine to be Taken Out And Treated Like A Princess

he tells you to dress warm except gloves bc he wants to hold youR HAND CAN YOU BELIEVE

you’re weirdly not nervous ? like you thought you would be but you’re just excited and very happy !!!! uwu

he picks you up about an hour after school and reveals that he’s gonna take you to all the cafes in town to people watch and write stories which is !!! your favorite activity !!!!!!

“is it lame??? oh god you think it’s lame i’m so sORRY”

“nO!!! no i love it you did good”

“are you sure?”

“yes duckie”

“okay good i mean i knew you’d like it”

“but you just-“

“hm?”

“,,,,, nevermind”

you both hike around town until it gets late and you’re tired and you end up on a bench in the local park with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair

you lightly scratch his scalp and hum and he practically PURRS like a cat

(furry ????? it’s more likely than you think)

his eyes are closed and you trace your fingers over his features lightly until it tickles and he scrunches up his nose aw bABY !!!!!

then, without opening his eyes

“so when are you gonna man up and kiss me?”

“first of all, i will never man up i prefer being female thanks. sECOND WHY DO I GOTTA DO IT”

“i asked you on the date !!! you gotta do something!!!”

“i held your hand first!!”

“after i literally offered my hand to you”

“uGH fine come here”

“no i’m not gonna ‘come here’ you literally just made a disgusted noise at the thought of kissing me”

“it wasn’t at the thought of kissing you it was just at you”

“this isn’t helping at all”

you roll your eyes playfully and then yank him up by the collar of his shirt to press your forehead against his

“does this help?”

aND THEN YOU LAY ONE ON HIM ??????:$&:&;&;

QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE

he sighs against your lips and sits up a little more so he can reach you better, smoothing a hand up to cup the side of your jaw and neck

you pull away and his eyes are still closed

“hmmm,,, yeah”

you scoff and drop him back to half laying on your lap

“you’re such a dork”

“yeah but i’m your dork now so it’s embarrassing for both of us”

“aw i wouldn’t have it any other way <333”

“is it just me or was that sarcasm”

“just you <3333”

renjun, who has been rOOTING FOR YOU GUYS THIS ENTIRE TIME

screams when you call him that night lol

literally SCREECHES

chenle happens to be with him and screeches eVEN LOUDER

basically the whole group screams simultaneously they’ve been shipping it since day one

hyuck is a bit prideful so when you guys are out in public he’s not super affectionate but ,, when you’re not out

he’s wrapped around you like a koala and will never let go

you have to go pee? hold it

you’re dehydrated and dying? you can live off of his Love

your favorite activity to do together is BAKING because it never goes well no matter how hard you try

and although it usually ends in DISASTER it’s also a good time and afterwards duckie lets you curl up between his legs on the couch and nap uwu !

dating really didn’t change the dynamic between you two other than affection you still read each other to DUST on the regular  lmao

no one gets too harsh tho bc you love each other and whatnot

ugh love ruins all the FUN doesnt it :/

donghyuck makes it his business to know exactly when it will rain and makes sure to be with you when it does

at the first sight of clouds he is in your house with board games and movies and snuggles to distract you !!! what a sweetheart

on days when it’s really bad you just climb into bed and bury your face in his chest while he talks about whatever comes to mind and distracts you

he also takes to slumping down and falling asleep on your shoulder whenever you have movie nights together and it’s so CUTE

his little heart shaped lips and his cheeks always end up smushed and he just looks adorable wow rip you

he’s obsessed with your cheeks he loves to cup your face while he talks to you and press gentle kisses to them during Sleepy Time or when you part ways in the school hallways

if he’s excited he’ll bound up behind you and wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek real hard and then start babbling about whatever’s got him so worked up

basically, hyuckie is a boy full of sunshine and passion and sarcasm and he’s the best boyfriend you could ever ask for :’-)

[hannahberrie]

Something That Finds You: Chapter 10

Fandom: Zootopia Pairing: Nick Wilde, Judy Hopps Rating: T WC: 3261 Summary: "Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."

In a time of tension in the land of Zootopia, Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps are arranged to be married as a symbol of peace and unity. The only problem? They can't stand each other (the 8 year age gap doesn't help either). A story following Nick and Judy growing up together, through all the good and bad.

Chapter Selection: [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9]-10-[11][12] [AO3]

Something had changed. Nick could sense it. Ever since their time at the waterfall, Judy was less hostile towards him, which was a relief. He’d never gotten that ink stain out of his pants, which was definitely difficult to explain to his mother, not to mention just annoying.

When her siblings asked him to share stories of his travels, he noticed that Judy, rather than throw him a dirty glare, would turn her ears in his direction, though her physical demeanor still feigned disinterest. When he cracked a joke under his breath during lessons, she was more likely to snort into her paws, instead of kicking him in the shins. This was probably the best development so far, because if there was one thing Judy could do well, it was kick. Hard.

He was happy that they were getting along better. The more time that passed, the more he started to see her not as a pipsqueak kit, but a fully-grown, confident young bunny. A bunny that was far more tolerable than he remembered, a bunny that he could actually sit down with and have a coherent conversation with. A bunny that he liked.

Not liked liked. No, no, no. The idea of marrying her, no matter how hard he willed himself to feel otherwise, was still unsavory. While an amiable relationship was beginning to bud between the two (at least, that’s what he hoped was happening), he still felt no romantic affections towards the bunny. All his life, he’d only found himself romantically attracted to vixens, and as far as he knew, that hadn’t changed yet. Which was fine. Their situation could be worse. Inky and kicky worse.

As Nick saw it, if they were going to be forced to marry, at least they could be friends. Hopefully.

He was stewing all of this over one afternoon, debating whether or not he should express any of this to her. The two were in the study, waiting for Miss Hufflethump to arrive for their lessons. Judy was seated beside him, fidgeting with the piece of parchment paper in front of her, attempting to fold it in several directions.  

Nick cocked an eyebrow as he eyed her. “Whatcha up to, Fluff?”

Judy glanced at him before smiling sheepishly. “I…uh…it’s nothing,” she answered quickly, smoothing out the parchment in front of her.

“Didn’t look like nothing.”

“Well, that’s what it was!” Judy claimed defensively, voice rising several octaves. “I’m just…bored! Yes! I’m bored from waiting for Miss Hufflethump to get here.”

Nick gave a long, heavy sigh as if he’d been arguing with Judy for two hours instead of two seconds. “You’re such a bad liar, Fluff. It’s adorable.”

“I am not!”

“You so are.”

“I’m not adorable! …Or a bad liar.”

“Just remind me to never commit any crimes with ya’, Carrots,” Nick said dryly, giving her a wry grin. “At your rate, the constables would be on us within minutes.”

For a moment, he saw a flash of some unknown emotion flicker across her face, and she looked away from him, ears slumping against her back. She was upset about something. But what? Why? Had he touched a nerve? He was just kidding around…

“So…uh…,” Nick continued, clearing his throat, “What were you doing with that paper? For real, this time.”

Judy glanced at him before reluctantly speaking. “I was trying to…mukkappercne.”

Nick frowned and leaned closer. “You’re gonna have to speak up, Fluff — my ears aren’t as big as yours.”

“I was trying to make a paper crane!” Judy repeated loudly, voice sounding torn between laughter and annoyance.

“Ah hah,” Nick smirked, leaning back in his chair. “So my skills do impress you.”

“No!” Judy insisted, voice rising again. He noticed that her nose twitched when she was lying, a useful bit of information he would have to store away for if he was ever to play cards with her.

“C’mere,” Nick motioned, beckoning her to lean closer, pay attention. He took the piece of parchment from her and walked her through the assembly of a crane, step-by-step. Once, mid-teach, he stopped to look up at her and caught sight of her wide, violet eyes, saw them move with every turn and press of his paws. She was completely focused, totally engrossed in learning every step.

It was cute.

“And there ya’ have it!” Nick finished, turning his attention back to his now finished paper crane. “One parchment bird, courtesy of Nick Wilde.”

Judy rolled her eyes but smiled. “Show-off.”

“You asked, Fluff!”

“I never asked you to show me!”

“Not verbally,” Nick admitted, “but your eyes!”

Judy blinked at him coyly, teasingly. “What about my eyes?”

Nick suddenly felt a wave of…something brush over him. His fur bristled and he felt his stomach flip. Nausea, probably, he reminded himself. That carrot omelet he’d had this morning was all kinds of weird. “Well, they give everything away. They’re your tell.”

“My tell?”

“A way for someone to tell when you’re lying,” He explained.

Judy snorted. “So I should just close my eyes every time I lie?”

“Yup.”

Judy burst out laughing, no doubt picturing how ridiculous that would look. “You’re so dumb!” She giggled, paws fiddling with the paper crane he’d made her.

Nick felt that weird sensation again, listening to her laugh. Stupid omelet. “Says the bunny.”

Judy nudged him just as Miss Hufflethump entered the room, causing both the bunny and fox to straighten in their seats. As she prepared her lesson materials at the front of the room, Nick’s mind returned to where it’d been earlier today, about marrying as friends. He wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but maybe this was something that they should discuss. Not that he was one to talk about his feelings, ever. But if they were going to spend the rest of their lives together…

“Hey, Fluff?” Nick muttered, causing her to turn to him.

“Yes?” She whispered back.

“Can we…uh…I wanted to ask you if—”

“Let’s begin!” Miss Hufflethump said loudly, cutting off the fox mid-sentence.

Judy gave him an apologetic look and turned her attention to the front of the room.

“We’ve spent the past months talking about social matters,” the elder bunny said, pushing her glasses up with a lace-gloved paw. “But now, I think it’s time we moved onto more interpersonal, intimate matters.”

Nick felt himself freeze. Wait a minute.

“Now, one of the most important components to running a successful household is to produce many heirs!” Miss Hufflethump began.

Nick heard Judy’s breath catch in her throat, felt her fidget in her seat.  

No. Nope. Nick wasn’t here right now. This wasn’t happening. Not with Judy seated literal INCHES away from him.

If Nick wasn’t blushing enough already, his cheeks nearly lit on fire once the elder bunny started drawing diagrams on the blackboard.

Yes. Diagrams.

As if that wasn’t enough, their instructor went on to describe exactly how the betrothed couple would go about following these diagrams, so that they could produce as many heirs as possible, all in far more graphic, scientific detail than Nick ever wanted to hear in his life.

“Now there’s never been a fox and bunny couple in recorded history, at least not that we know of,” Miss Hufflethump concluded, turning took look back at their slack-jawed faces, “So your coupling will be quite experimental!”

“Experimental?” Judy croaked, voice sounding hoarse.

“Yes, my dear! Since the odds aren’t necessarily in your favor, you two will have to try to procreate vigorously!”

Nick and Judy didn’t make eye contact for the rest of the day.

By far, late-summer was Judy’s favorite time of year for one, slightly predictable reason: it was carrot season. Nick could tease her all he wanted, but carrot season was exciting. The brown fields of Bunnyburrow, still faded from the summer heat, had begun to sprout little sprigs of green carrot tops. The blueberries patches were bright arrays of indigo and leafy greens, and the apple trees glistened with their ruby fruits in the warm summer sun.

To celebrate the upcoming plentiful Bunnyburrow harvest, the newly annual Carrot Days festival was to be held. It was the biggest thing to happen in Bunnyburrow since the Unity Proclamation (which wasn’t saying much, since those two events were the only big things to happen in Bunnyburrow). Mammals from all over the land of Zootopia would travel to Bunnyburrow for lively games, delicious foods, and jovial entertainment. Last year, Judy had met mammals from all walks of life, and from all parts of Zootopia. Some had even traveled all the way from Tundra Town and Sahara Square, just for the festival. It was almost as exciting as Christmas. Maybe even a little more so.

That was why when August rolled around, Judy completely devoted herself to planning for Carrot Days. She helped the artists design the banners, she organized the layout of the food stands, she made a schedule of all the entertainers’ performances, she did the calculations for how many blueberry pies would be needed for the pie-eating contest…

Needless to say, she was one busy bunny. If she wasn’t in lessons with Hufflethump and Nick, she was doing something for the festival. Anything, no matter how big or small. She wanted it all to be perfect.

“You’re overworking yourself, Jude,” her father lamented one evening over dinner. “Why don’t cha leave it to the help to do that kind of running around?”

“It is a little strange for a lady to do those kinds of things,” her mother agreed, “You should be planning what you’ll wear! The tailor is designing such lovely dresses for all your sisters…”

“That stuff is boring!” Judy huffed, poking at her carrots with a fork, “I like being active in the celebration! I want to actually make a difference!”

“Judith—”

“I happen to think Carro—Judy is doing a great job,” Nick said suddenly, causing her parents to look over at him in surprise. Throughout the whole dinner, he’d been rather quiet, observing the conversation with a passive indifference, choosing to let his mother chat up the rest of the Hopps family. But now that he was speaking, he had everyone’s undivided attention. “I mean, did you see the banners she designed? They’re amazing. We’re talking real high-quality banners here — the best I’ve ever seen, honestly.”

Some of Judy’s siblings snorted into their paws, trying to stifle their giggles. Even Lady Hopps couldn’t help but crack a smile at Nick’s wry quips. Judy’s father mumbled surly comments under his breath, but relented, evidently deciding it wasn’t worth an argument.

Judy beamed happily, thankful that she wasn’t going to receive yet another lecture on how she wasn’t the perfect lady-in-training. All thanks to…Nick?

The bunny took a tentative glance upwards and across the table, making eye contact with Nick for a single moment, and exchanging a smile for even less time than that. And in that single second of mutual solidarity, Judy couldn’t deny that it felt…nice.

Really nice.

After dinner, Judy retreated to the orchards. The sun was still on the cusp of setting, leaving the sky a bright orange and pink hue. She’d been hard at work picking blueberries earlier that day when dinner time had interrupted her. Now, she was free to finish without any interruptions. At least she was, until…

“Hiya, Carrots!”

Judy didn’t even have to look to know who had followed her. “What do you want, Nick?” She asked, not turning to face him. She was too busy counting how many baskets of blueberries she had filled.

“I don’t have to want something to talk to you, Judith,” Nick smirked, letting every last syllable of her full name fall off his tongue. “I just thought I might help you out with…what exactly is it that you’re doing?”

Judy turned to eye him over her shoulder. “Carrot Days is only 3 days away! These blueberries need to be delivered to the bakers in town. I was helping the staff pick some earlier, and now they just left them out here! They need to be loaded onto the carriages so they’re ready to be delivered tomorrow morning!”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “And this is your responsibility because…?”

“Because if I don’t help it won’t get done!” Judy insisted, pointing to the baskets of blueberries around her feet, so as to further emphasize her point. “This festival has to go perfectly!”

“Right…” Nick replied, sounding unconvinced. He walked over to the nearest bush and plucked a pawful of blueberries off, tossing them one by one into his mouth. ‘So what exactly is this Carrot Days thing?�� He asked, mouth full of fruit.

“It’s a festival!” Judy replied. She had to stop herself from chastising him for eating potential pie ingredients. “To celebrate Bunnyburrow’s harvests!”

“I don’t remember it.”

“That’s because it’s new, my family came up with the idea 3 years ago. Now it’s an annual tradition.”

“And your latest obsession.”

“I’m not obsessed!” Judy exclaimed, voice getting all high-pitched again. She hated when that happened. “I’m not,” she repeated, voice more controlled this time.

“Well, it’s all you’ve been talking about for the past couple days.”

“No!”

“Oh, you’re right, sorry. I meant to say weeks.”

Judy rolled her eyes. “I just want it to go well, alright? It’s such an amazing festival…and it’s one of the only ‘unladylike’ things my parents will let me do.”

“Ah hah! There it is!” Nick smiled, pointing a finger at her. “While most teenagers act out by sneaking rum or egging buildings, you rebel by carting buckets of blueberries around. It all makes sense now.”

Judy felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. “Shut up!” She huffed, unable to stop herself from smiling. “You’re so dumb.”

The two exchanged a light laugh that quickly died down into an awkward silence. Judy found herself staring at her feet, wondering what to say next. This was certainly different, as in the past, every moment between them had been charged with bickering and resentment.

Thankfully, the awkwardness didn’t last long, as Nick chose to break the silence. “Actually, there is something specific I came out here to talk about,” he said slowly, not quite looking at her.

“Oh?” Judy questioned, “And what is that?”

Nick shuffled his feet in place for a moment. Judy could practically hear him turning over his words in his head, carefully picking out and arranging his sentences. “Listen, Fluff,” the fox said slowly, carefully. “I know you’re not thrilled about the whole being-forced-to-marry-me thing. I know I’m not. But we don’t have to make it harder on ourselves.”

Judy eyed him cautiously. “What are you suggesting?”

Nick paused again. Judy couldn’t help but notice that his already orange fur looked especially fiery in the glow of the sunset. “I wanna be friends.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah, ya’ know, that kind of relationship where people mutually like each other?” A smirk grew on his face as his voice settled into his usual confident, couldn’t-care-less tone. “I guess I can’t really expect you to understand what a friend is, considering you don’t— ”

“Shut up!” Judy leaned forward and gave him a light punch in the arm before he could finish his jab. “I have friends, dumb fox.”

“The point is,” Nick smiled, rubbing at his arm slightly, “Even though we’re not in love, I think we could still try to view this whole wedding title as just that: a title. It doesn’t mean we should try to force ourselves to feel things that we don’t.”

Judy mulled over his words, not quite sure how to feel. It was true that she didn’t have any romantic feelings towards Nick, at least, not that she thought. She’d always thought that she’d just have to force the feelings out of her, just like she was forced to do everything else asked of her. It never occurred to her that there was another option.

“So…you’re suggesting…what are you suggesting, exactly?” Judy frowned. Her head was starting to hurt.

“That we can be pleasant to each other! If we’re going to be stuck together for the rest of our lives, at least we can be stuck together as friends.”

Judy’s eyes widened.

“Not like that!” Nick insisted, raising his paws and flushing even redder. “This has nothing to do with…heirs, or anything like that. I don’t know what we’re going to do about that. But I just want us to be friends! If I can’t marry someone I love, at least I could marry someone that I can at least hang out with, and talk with. Someone to have fun with.”

Judy hesitated. The idea held up so many complications — what were they going to do about heirs? And would this mean they would see other people in secret? Judy didn’t think she wanted to do that. The idea of Nick doing that bugged her on a deeper level. And what about their parents? They would still expect her and Nick to be a perfectly in love couple. That love would find them and they’d live happily ever after. But if it never did, then what? Wouldn’t they find out? Would it even matter, at this point?

All the questions and worries made Judy’s head hurt, and yet, when she took a moment to take a deep breath, it wasn’t that complicated at all. Nick was simply extending an olive branch, trying to call a truce and make the best of a difficult situation.

And if the choice was marrying a friend or marrying someone she refused to have any feelings for, Judy definitely would choose the former.

“So whaddya say?” Nick asked, holding out his paw to her. “Friends?”

Judy nodded and smiled, grasping his paw and shaking it. “Friends.”

Nick gave her a smile, one of the few (but increasingly frequent), genuine smiles. Judy returned the affection, pulling away only when she felt her gut flip in her stomach, for some reason. “So, uh, can you help me carry these baskets to the carriages?” Judy asked, turning her focus back to the blueberries. “I don’t think they should be left out here all night.”

“Nah, I think you’ve got it pretty much covered,” Nick replied casually, slipping his paws into his pockets. “Besides, you’re so good at carrying things all on your own. I wouldn’t want to come between you and your natural, God-given talent, now would I?”

Judy gave him a look.

“Alright, alright, if you insist,” Nick sighed, bending down to pick up a basket. He winced under the weight, eyeing Judy incredulously as she lifted hers with ease. “Anything for my bunny wifey.”

“I’m not your wifey.”

“Future wifey.”

Judy flicked a blueberry at his head.

[elizabethrobertajones]

9x22 Rewatch

God, the end of season 9 was some quality nonsense. Pretty sure I never recovered.

We’re finally entering the “I have literally never re-watched these episodes for any reason” part of the show that extends from here -> 11x01 so this will be a trip.

The recap proves 9x21 only needed to be 30 seconds long. Beautiful.

Aw, crap, I forgot about Tessa. (like, wilfully forgetting. She and Billie are hanging out on a beach somewhere groaning about Winchesters being the worst) Thanks, Dabb. 

I suppose reapers were already retconned to hell, and you just went with a friendly face, as well as the really obvious step that Tessa vs Dean’s descent is an important step, as much as having vampire episodes to parallel to it. If you assume what you’re writing is the most important stage of his journey so far and worth spending Tessa on (I’m paused at the ice cream shop awful mom demanding “10 blueberries, not 9, not 11″ which a lot of people read as commenting on how many seasons they wanted and surprise - Dabb ends up taking over in 11 when Carver drifts away very clearly feeling this sentiment in his bones... Anyway, feeling this was building up to some great end, you can use up one of the most significant characters on the show just like killing Death at the end of 10 (though I still wonder if that was spite for this same reason :P)...) then it makes sense... Tessa has been linked to some really significant stages in Dean’s journey on the sort of really grim path that you can kind of see was always leading here, when you take Dean in broad strokes and look from current canon back at the past. As I know a lot of people did, really taking stock of Dean’s cumulative trauma that starts to make this seem inevitable by season 2 – hi Tessa, the stuff in 2x03 in Cain’s house about Dean being a killer, selling his soul – and it just keeps getting worse and worse until he’s given all he has, like, by season EIGHT.

In 2x01 Dean wanted to go with Tessa and NOT become a vengeful ghost, but not before struggling hugely with his duty and the fact there was still a battle to fight. She was ready to Valkyrie him off the battlefield before John intervened. In 4x15 he talks about how he felt her as something he’d been missing all that time - the sense he should have moved on, making their conversations in 2x01 clearly a factor in him selling his soul, and feeling he had to make use of his death/resurrection/pass it on to someone more deserving of that life, in his eyes. In 6x11 it goes back to his nature as a killer by her helping him be Death, and to learn how the natural order works (and I am fairly sure Dean declares he’s the natural order at some point while being a demon)... Now Dean’s confronting a whole bundle of mortality stuff, from having to die/wanting to die to not become what is heavily paralleled to being a vengeful ghost AND his nature as a killer is explored in this arc, and Tessa is more appropriate than any other character to vouch for the natural order being fucked. Dean’s wrongness parallels with the wrongness of the universe (because he’s the centre of the universe) and both are only truly put right in 11x23. Tessa is one of those keystone characters who can hold this whole narrative together.

Anyway, ice cream shop scene: angels and food - this angel enjoying an ice cream is a subject covered in a lot of meta. Highlights: angels & sweet tooth, check. Just eating it because a kid would and she’s playing along (see also: playground angel), check. Fridge horror of SPN being really wary of killing kids but forget about vessels when blowing up a little girl, check. (Though there was another little human boy there who died too)

The angel that comes in to kill her is blatantly wearing a trenchcoat in order to mimic Cas because he’s one of the “For Castiel!!” bombers, we discover in a minute. For now, the visual association does the trick. Useful to consider that Metatron among many other things, gives us a handy code for saying the character in the trenchcoat is ALWAYS meant to be a Cas parallel, which is handy for 10x13, the episode with the wife in a trenchcoat and the husband with the blatantly Mark paralleled vengeful ghost stuff. 

Side note: still not sure they didn’t swerve from a grace cure/power of love resolution to all that.

Side side note: it looks so dodgy here on this guy, but it does suggest Cas wearing the trenchcoat with no shirts under it, which I think is an image Dean would like.

The number of times I have watched the following short scene is absolutely astronomical, to the point where you could show me the first frame of Sam lying on the bed on top of the covers fully dressed with a gun under his pillow and I’d just be like “9x22, Stairway to Heaven, opening scene, T-minus 20 seconds to “weird, dorky little guy...””... probably not the date and time the promo dropped but like, wow, this was an event :P

(Theoretically I had been existing in fandom for 3-4 episodes at this point but I’d been so bemused about the whole thing that 9x21 was the first time I engaged, and only understood what the promo pics were AFTER and why people were talking about the promo scene and so on. This time I was primed and ready to go.)

Has anyone ever tallied all the Destiel nonsense in this episode?

1: “I called Cas” 

(”We got in like 2 hours ago” There’s 2 options here - Dean only just phoned Cas after restlessly pacing for an hour and 55 minutes, had a brief exchange wondering if anything was up, and immediately got the news something was, without exchanging any more details (the lack of talking about any more plot stuff gets more and more obvious as the episode continues and not just because Cas didn’t feel like sharing). Noticeable that even though Dean is the one who phoned Cas, Cas is the one who suddenly had something urgent for them to do. 

OR Dean phoned Cas up to talk to him to try and take the edge off and was having one of those moments like in 9x10 where he asks Cas how he’s doing just to humour him, and sat through a 1hr and 55 mins lecture on some bizarre ancient history/natural world thing Cas thought would be soothing for Dean to hear, until one of Cas’s minions decided he’d been on the phone long enough and the bad news about the attack had to be brought to his attention immediately and interrupted him - Dean bothered Cas until he was allowed in because he wanted something to do)

(I guess there’s always that Dean phoned Cas, Cas had been planning to keep it to himself and deal with it, but Dean guessed something was up, and bothered Cas into talking to him and inviting him to help)

Anyway! This was I recall fairly exciting to confirm that Dean and Cas even talked on the phone with each other off-screen sometimes, because remember what I said last episode about us being fucking spoiled? This is another one of those things where Dean phoning Cas genuinely seemed to be exciting at the suggestion they’d been having an OFF-SCREEN conversation rather than these 5 second one sided calls we saw on screen. Especially that Dean called him of his own volition when he didn’t have a gun to his head or anything better to do.

These days Dean walks into any old scene after having had a long chat with Cas where we only hear the summary as he hangs up. The world has changed :P

2: “... he’s a weird, dorky little guy.”

Honestly since 9x22 entered the Deep Past of the show, we mostly just quote that part on its own. It’s funnier in context. Dean starts aggressive, dismissively says “he’s a weird guy,” and this is all in a camera angle from the back of his head. And THEN we cut to Dean’s face and oh - oh no, Dean. You’re in deep, honey. You’re like 99% demon waiting to go, angry about everything and then you start talking about Cas for 1 second and you just... Stare into the far distance thinking about how dorky and smol your BFF is with that far-off daze in your entire expression. Then suddenly realise what you’re doing and snap back to reality with a “But!” like Cas really has like 1 redeeming feature, which is his army of angels, overcompensating for that weird lapse. 

Sam, of course has not had enough coffee for this.

DEAN Because he is a weird guy, okay? He's a weird, dorky, little guy. But he happens to have an army of Angels behind him, and, even though I hate to say it, if we're gonna take a shot at Metatron, they might be useful.

This also sounds very ambiguous about if Dean thinks Cas is useful or his army is - he’s affecting a huge distance to him and later we can see much more clearly when he’s arguing with Cas that he cares about him and is worried about the army, and what might happen to Cas if he has to play Commander too long... Right here and now it certainly could suggest he barely thinks Cas will be any help, but the resources he’s scavenged might be.

That’s especially if you don’t read too much into Dean’s tangent about Cas being weird and dorky.

Meanwhile, all the times I mentioned Sam not getting concerned fast enough:

SAM No. In all fairness, we didn't decide. You did. 

DEAN Okay, I decided that a hockey stick that can kill anything might come in handy, so sue me. 

SAM How many times have we been around this block? Magic that powerful comes at a price, and right now we don't know what that price is.

NOW he’s arguing with Dean deciding things but in a way it’s now all set in stone because he’s decided while Sam was still not taking a strong stance on it. Not blaming Sam because this probably would have all happened one way or another, but he could have been a LOT more prepared/done more research/begun lining up cures sharpish. Instead it’s all snuck up on him and he’s only getting concerned when Dean’s waaay past the point of no return. He probably should have been resisting even looking for the First Blade, instead of helping.

SAM And I'm glad, honestly. I'm not saying we bury the thing. I'm saying we just save it for when we really need it.

Also he still doesn’t quite get how bad it is.

Still wonder if Dean Force-pulled the Blade into his bag.

Or if he made a really terrible excuse about needing to go to the loo before they left and doubled back and Sam just… was not… suspicious enough.

SPEARS AND AGUILERA

Cas tries.

He’s probably already Beyonce here, but we don’t get a chance to find out what it was until much later.

Probably something to say about the implication that Cas only realised this after the pop culture download, and made a misinterpretation (a harmless one) of the text to a sort of wacky result. Not sure if it fits with the fan commentary from last episode and definitely way less pointed, especially since Sam and Dean still roll with it and don’t kick up a stink about Cas getting it wrong beyond asking him in a really bemused way (Sam) and offering a “wow” from Dean who despite “weird dorky little guy” is not really in the best place to appreciate Cas being adorable. They don’t correct him and turn it into a whole thing about not using obviously girly/pop music aliases (honestly couldn’t tell you which one Dean is more offended by but I’d lean towards pop music :P).

Anyway it WORKED and they’re on the crime scene, so it was a valid reading after all... I think really it belongs with the writing thread of this season, especially with Cas struggling to catch a clue with subtext – Mittens was watching 9x10 on TV earlier and asked if Cas even knew that Dean was blaming Gadreel for making him kick Cas out, and I figure not likely if Dean doesn’t directly say it, especially if Cas still feels he doesn’t belong like 3 years later… He has a bit of a wider pool of info to draw from but he’s still not grasping all the nuance of pop culture of what it means or why people like it… Same box as him not getting WHY a Death Star reference at the appropriate moment.

Anyway I’ve had it paused way too long because Cas is standing in this really powerful pose and honestly he knows he’s on borrowed time as much as Dean does and this episode points it out loudly, but I still feel like Cas’s last vestiges of denial about that are also the last time we really see Cas “OK” after this except for maybe 5 minutes between the end of 10x18 and 10x22.

I had an attention span fail and left it paused way too long on Metatron posing in a knock off of Cas’s coat TRYING to look all imposing and really failing. I do love that it’s a knock off of the knock off coat, and further silently tells us the connection between the now 3 trenchcoat-ed angels we’ve seen in all of like 4 minutes of episode.

I think before I paused I was about to type something about it being left ambiguous about which angel it was who was left when Cas mentions there was only 1 angel in the ice cream place, and the way he indicates that it was one of his angels is really understated as well – I had glanced away and thought he literally changed the subject out of awkwardness. But no, he doesn’t realise his angel is the aggressor here, or that they were no longer “his” angel. Of course we’d believe since we saw what happened that Cas’s angel would be the little girl, the innocent in that encounter… Because we’d never think Cas could do this, although the episode has set itself up to be really ambiguous about Cas and his army and if they’re good or not.

I also like “this is abhorrent even for him” and then cut to Metatron wearing the trenchcoat – like this really is the biggest violation :P

I love though that this shows that Metatron attempted to be GOD and that wasn’t good enough and now he’s sort of got more of a measure on the angel stuff than he did at the end of season 8, having been out of the loop forever and probably only latched onto Cas because of the obvious chatter in Heaven of him going rogue at the time they clued Metatron in that it was time to listen, he’s now trying to ape Cas instead, seeing how he looks in a trenchcoat and petty and bitter about Cas’s popularity and sex appeal.

And he’s EMBARRASSED about it. And it gives Gadreel another reason to really judge Metatron (oh the beauty of his end of season faces…) and he’s contemplating being turncoat on Metatron already – he at least sounds sincere to argue with Metatron that they’re losing and Cas’s army is better than theirs despite having the high ground… But this also makes a compelling list of reasons to demonstrate he’s losing faith in Metatron and is starting to realise he’s as much of a loser as he seems (the bowling angel interaction has a lot of this as well) – especially Metatron clearly idolising Cas as cooler than him, well… Gadreel’s really starting to get the message already.

Plus, in 9x18 he complained if it was Metatron’s plan for him to be caught, which was the first real crack between them… now:

GADREEL No, we -- we're losing, Metatron. Castiel's followers outnumber us. And while they haven't gone on offense, they have proven capable. They stopped you from killing him, and me, for example. 

METATRON I told you, we had our shot with operation Lee Harvey, and we took it. I gave the orders. You weren't to be harmed. 

GADREEL You had me followed.

Because again Metatron is using Gadreel as a pawn in his game and not telling him what he’s doing while constructing these narratives about it.

METATRON Yeah, and you met with the enemy... In secret. What is that old line about sins and stones? 

GADREEL He spoke. He lied. And I listened. That's it. But I serve heaven. I serve you.

Gadreel looks SO guilty and then he is super defensive. Again, knowing he doesn’t even do as Cas suggested and inform on Metatron but outright defects to them by the end of the episode you can see he’s already considering the offer….

METATRON Good. Don't forget it. I mean, I-I don't get this whole Cas lovefest, either.

Metatron deflects back to bitching about Cas, again projecting a bit much because he OBVIOUSLY gets it… I mean he could just be trying on the trenchcoat to see what the big deal is or if it gives him magic powers of sex appeal and likeability, but he was clearly checking himself out, and this whole episode really is Metatron’s jealousy and disdain for Cas in equal measures. It’s become, to HIM a petty rivalry for Heaven, while it’s a sort of urgent mission for Cas approached like every other horrible mission he has to do to just get some freakin’ rest… Like, Metatron, do you know WHY Cas never read a book? He’s been too fucking busy tidying up after assholes like you :P

And of course it’s the huge example of the personal vs impersonal. He’s in love with humanity/it was all for Dean Winchester. Metatron makes the proclamation about humanity, and then seems to go after humanity next episode, but it clearly was a lure for Dean, a trap Metatron set. He didn’t really care about all the rest, he just wanted to get at Cas and make it PERSONAL. The pettiness we see here is probably the best scene to explain Metatron’s motivations, such as they are. He wants to tell this big story but it’s all caught up on the characters and he has a personal vendetta to tear Cas down.

(With Dean’s upcoming reminder about Cas and power going to his head, that I seem to recall is in the scene at the HQ of Cas’s army coming up next, there’s a reminder of season 6, and I wonder if this is sort of commentary on Cas’s treatment there, being built up and torn down, but this time Cas resists. Especially with the repeated sentiment of Cas doing it all for Dean, which was his clearly stated motivation in 6x20 when he talked to Dean… Hm. Never considered Metatron as a retroactive Gamble parallel as well, although that is kinda petty rather than the self-mockery of the useless showrunner which I feel has been the trademark since day 1 when Carver called his writing the work of some marshmallow :P)

METATRON and still -- still, they're choosing him over me. I mean, sure, he's cute. And Castiel has this simple...charm. He's like a mentally deficient puppy. But I'm lovable. And funny. I made God laugh -- twice!

GADREEL You're the one who asked him to lead an army. 

METATRON Well, I didn't think he'd be good at it.

This is just… perfect. Poor old Metatron :P Now with 11x20 I’m inclined to feel a tiiiny bit more sorry for him, especially because God really didn’t think he was that special. But he’s clinging to these ideas about himself that he’s so much better than he actually is, when he’s the most jumped-up character ever. I mean Cas being God at least had some serious dignity and terror involved. Metatron’s just... rubbish :P

(I love him of course. Ahhh what a brilliant character)

Anyway he sees a really surface version of Cas, one that leads him to drastically underestimate him; he had set him up to be a useless rival, one he could crush, but Cas’s appeal despite EVERYTHING with his history, still draws the angels to him. Inclined to think it’s more because in a “Cas or Metatron” scenario the angels are like, you know what, Cas probably isn’t that bad after all…

METATRON And I have to make a good impression. I know. I've got a plan. 

GADREEL [motioning to the trench coat] It's not that, is it? 

METATRON Shut up!

Yeah, really convincing the other guy in the choice between the badass trenchcoat angel and the posturing angel wrapping himself up in a trenchcoat pretending to be cool :P It’s good commentary on politicians claiming to have all the same traits as their rivals to win their voters over to them.

Gadreel has like, 0 faith in Metatron’s charisma and it’s hilarious. He really is at breaking point even before the meeting…

HANNAH!

“Commander!”

“Ugh, it’s just creepy.”

Shut up, Dean, have you seen the rest of the subtext in this scene? :P I should probably file that under

3: Dean’s immediate jealousy of Hannah, which is a permanent feature of how he relates to her, right through to the last time she’s directly mentioned to him.

This episode is a great case study in the opening 10 minutes of Sam and Dean reacting ALMOST the same but not, and Dean’s reactions being way more Cas focused. Again, “I love you/I love all of you” – Sam is clearly weirded out by the angels and when “Benjamin” takes the box of evidence from him he has a serious Sam raised eyebrows expression. Sam asking about roll call he has a REALLY weirded out judgemental face about angel behaviour.

4: Dean’s reaction about “Commander” COULD be about how the angels are all weird but he makes it weird about CAS and himself and weird sex references in comparison to how Sam is judging like, the entire social order here:

SAM Uh, roll call? You hold, uh, roll call? 

CASTIEL They like to hear me say their names. 

DEAN I know a couple of women like that.

That same aggressively deflecting comment which I think can be filed under Dean’s jealousy of Hannah since she’s the one who brings it up and therefore “roll call” seems to be a thing between her and Cas, this “likes to hear me say their names” thing and he turns and announces that, innocent of the innuendo. Too much for Dean to handle – he’s canonically got the most dirty mind ever.

So feeling like Cas and the angels have some sort of borderline creepy cult going on and that they’re all literally lining up to bang Dean’s favourite angel… He sort of snaps back about it, revealing how he really feels about this – worth bearing in mind for a little way down the line where he openly accuses Cas of it being a cult since he doesn’t sexualise it so much then, but this is all centred around Hannah and Cas.

Checking Josiah’s recent purchases is quite amusing –

aside from the recent Gas n Sip, the transactions show he has been clothes shopping on the same day, probably buying a nice new set of duds to join Metatron’s team. He only in like the last 4 days went to that same shop while working for Cas still.

(Ongoing squeeing about Cas’s army – he knows their names, and the names of their vessels and where those vessels are FROM… They have definitely been having group circles where they share stuff and chat. Who knows where Cas picked that up from but it goes with the same stuff as him letting them all have a Friday night off and the going to the bar in 9x21 :P)

Within the last NINE days Josiah (and I am assuming it was him and that he hadn’t been with Cas’s army literally THREE days especially as he went to the same clothes place both times) also went to a deli and the cinema, and a few days before that a grocery store and car parts warehouse.

I wonder what on earth he was doing, but this poor guy’s family are going to have a hell of a time building a picture of what happened to him when they’re trying to track him down once they realise he’s missing :P

“Benjamin” is reassuringly called “red shirt angel” in this transcript so I guess wherever they got the intel about his name from for 9x21′s transcript, it never really stuck and is unofficial :P

Anyway

5:

DEAN And that's how we do things in the pros.

This is addressed directly to Hannah… Honestly starting to think I need to make a gifset just of Dean being weird AT Hannah in relation to Cas because he is SO fucking jealous.

Like, the Dean Is Jealous Of Hannah series is probably something I SHOULD have delved into in season 10 because around 10x18 I floated the idea and a few people picked it up but there were also comments on the post with the most circulation that it seemed like a real stretch to explain Dean’s behaviour in 10x18 when Cas blames Hannah for everything instead of Sam to be read that way… I backed it up with 10x03 but I really did not think to explore this episode and suggest it had been their dynamic from the start, and as I said somewhere else recently, Cas x Hannah was already being teased from 9x18 with the look she gave him at the end, and this makes it a much more blatant romantic squabble of “me or him” when Hannah tries to make Cas punish Dean… But people were kind of reluctant to discuss it at the time – people were already on edge over the potential love interest thing when it was announced she’d be back in season 10, and then the first part of season 10 happened and by 10x07 a huge wank storm blew in with the promo & kiss…

And like I said I have not been back to any of this since they aired, or at least since before season 10 for these episodes, so… No later context ever applied to them in my head along with all the biases and stuff we talked about later to look at again >.>

Also I’ve never watched this on a big screen in DVD quality instead of crappy streams and tiny gifs, so I am very amused at the discovery that Dean is wearing a black plaid tie.

SAM So, this was some kind of hit? 

CASTIEL I don't know.

DEAN Stop saying you don't know.

6: Sam’s still off to the side somewhere. Dean and Cas are talking face to face with very close camera angles as if in a private conversation. Just to be clear about how Sam having the line leading into this is at a literal remove from them. :P

7: Dean’s voice breaking when he says “stop saying you don’t know” as if with fear, betraying his first ACTUAL vulnerability for like… weeks. Look how far we’ve come since 8x22: Dean’s built Cas right back up and now no longer expects the worse immediately (“Sounds like him”) but is terrified of a reality where Cas isn’t actually in control and that his dangerous angel army is crumbling from underneath him (honestly, how much of Dean menacing Cas’s peeps through this episode while doing the interrogations is from his fear of terrible stuff happening to Cas as a result of this? Again like with knowing Gadreel defects, with hindsight though he’s angry here, Cas is a SOFT SPOT for Dean and it’s blatantly shown at the end.

Aaand then Dean gets angry, because that fear is too much and he has to move away from it and since this is Mark!Dean he just... crumbles into anger. Gosh I love Jensen’s acting.

CASTIEL You can't think I would allow something like this. 

DEAN Cas, I know you try to be a good guy, okay? I do. You try. But what you got here, this is a a freakin' cult.

CASTIEL Dean. 

DEAN And the last time you had this kind of juice, you did kill humans and angels, and you did nothing but lie to me and Sam about it the whole damn time!

It’s like he works through it from fear, to expressing concern about the cultishness, to suddenly dragging in everything and NOW we have our 8x22 moment of Dean bringing up Cas’s season 6 drama again when he’s most hurt/scared for Cas. And then he moves to the personal baggage and why it hurt him in the first place. Cas is not lying about ANTHING here, but Dean fears he might be and that’s enough to make him angry because EVERYTHING makes him angry, and again he lashes out and hurts him, even though he built things up better with Cas - especially by being abruptly dragged down from his own high horse by hurting Cas in 9x03. He had to deal with that every episode he saw him from then on until they were square in 9x10 (a moment when they shared this equality before Dean obviously moved on to his new life phase and wrecked everything they’d built and WAS the one keeping secrets from Cas by not telling him about the Mark :P)

8: the look Hannah and “Benjamin” exchange while Dean and Cas old-married-couple argue in front of them

This is also much worse from Cas’s POV knowing he is genuinely innocent, and having Dean get all worked up and angry and levelling these accusations at him. As I said – very narrow window of Cas being OK and like 10x22 wrecks them completely, Dabb does seem to be responsible for their yearly awfulness three years running and it’s always Cas who takes the brunt of it, as this is the point in the story it seems that Dean and Cas HAVE to be destabilised for drama. 11x23 of course completely makes up for it and I wonder if Dabb ever felt bad about having to write these episodes at the end of the season where they fall out/Dean is horrible to Cas :P Remembering he wrote and then subverted this pattern does make me happy. Anywho Cas gets angry in the next scene as far as I remember but

9: Cas’s horror that Dean doesn’t trust him, after everything, and probably missing that bit entirely where Dean’s voice broke because CAS is horrified about the bomber and the last thing he needs is Dean turning on him too and going off on one when all the angels in the room can hear and Hannah and “Benjamin” as our representatives of Cas’s army as a whole are equally horrified and suspicious of the bomber…

10:

SAM Can we, uh -- can we take this somewhere else, guys? 

[They enter CASTIEL's private office] 

SAM Will you stow the baggage, Dean.  

SAM Look, we've got a case. Let's work it. Cas, did you know the angel in that video?

CASTIEL Yes. His name was Oren. He was a new recruit. He worked in community outreach.

Hm, Dabb vs cars here – Cas already showed he knew the dead angel and it WOULD have been Oren he was talking about because they didn’t know Ester was there because she was vaporised. This really just adds to my theory about the ambiguity of which one was Cas’s angel there, because this is an OOC clarification for our purposes that Cas WAS talking about Oren in that scene. Like, that he knew it was deliberately so ambiguous it needed an over-clarification here.

God Sam is still so pissed off… He really gets fed up with how distracted they are :P

Finally he gets them all calmed down by singling Cas out to level ALL the questions at… And he nearly gets Cas back on track before

CASTIEL So, what do we do now? 

DEAN Well, you don't do jack.

Dean has valid concerns but phrased COMPLETELY wrong by still accusing Cas of running the cult by comparing him to Charlie Manson. Again you can see his ACTUAL concerns and worry about Cas under the surface but it’s all filtered through this Mark of Cain douchiness, while in practice he’s mostly just upsetting Cas :P 

He IS right that Cas investigating his own angels would set them on edge and Cas would miss stuff because he’d desperately WANT every angel to be loyal…

The REAL solution to this episode would have been for Sam to stay because he’s neutral and not angry and looking for something to rough up. I can’t believe I thought that first and THEN that it would mean Dean n Cas got to go have a little adventure together, but there you go, apparently I’m more invested in telling Dean he’s being a dick than shipping him with Cas right now :P

Anyway I know I squealed about it last rewatch post but here is where Cas says he has angels working in “community outreach” and I just love him so much, okay. Even when he can’t personally do it, he delegates angels to go help. I think if Cas, OUR Cas, got to run Heaven, he would implement a ton of stuff like this using ALL their resources instead of sending angels to like, one local hospital. He just wants to help! 

And of course this comes in the “in love with humanity” episode, so there’s got to be an obvious demonstration of surface text Cas genuinely being good and loving humanity. Like, even beyond something as simple as saying his motivation is to stop Metatron to protect people, not to do a power grab (I think in that respect he mostly sticks with doing it because of his duty to fix his mistakes and repair Heaven) like, this is just hypothetical. I can’t remember him ever saying that, actually. It’s next episode when they find out how much of a threat Metatron might be when he stops picking on Cas, having sorted out all his angel issues, and turns around to threaten Humanity. 

But nope, the way they do this is just showing us how much Cas GENUINELY wants to help random humans, just like those other times we’ve seen him healing people to no greater purpose than just to do it.

Still, something about Cas in this episode is revealed to be un-angel-like despite this love of humanity seeming to be part of their duty… and of course in CONTEXT the choice Cas has to make and Metatron’s gloating are *already* about Dean even before he just goes and says it next episode…

Oh no Cas has photos of falling angels on his wall.

Here Cas stands up for himself where Sam doesn’t – that whole thing about it being a “dictatorship” from later – we’ve seen that already with Dean being like “no” and saying “YOU decided” and then doing his own thing. Cas is free of the co-dependency and it shows because this arc after all is meant to highlight SAM AND DEAN’S problems, and Cas is a bystander/innocent victim/friend who assists them/Colette parallel, but never directly involved in this crap.

So, compare and contrast. Dean won’t let Sam decide things for them, or to be swayed by advice he doesn’t want to hear. It’s taking him to an extreme of their dynamic, but while he may be much grumpier with Cas, this highlights that there is a difference and that it’s only between him and Sam where things are rotting and awful. Sure he’s a dick, but his voice cracks with concern. I’ve seen people argue that he just found Cas easier to manipulate (and sure Cas’s motives here to go to Colorado DON’T get in the way of anything Dean wants to do – if anything sending Sam with him means he can boss Sam around AND send them away to leave him to menace the angels in peace).

But IF you find the way in to read it as concern instead of a different tactic to control Cas (and 12x10 helps with a textual confirmation Dean is a dick when he’s a concerned and right now his dick meter is turned up to 11 – there are probably better ways I could have phrased that) then I think it makes a lot of sense that Cas would get emotionally preferential treatment in this episode, even if you approach it from him as the control subject and Sam as the real point of conflict, rather than shippy. However you shake it, though, here Cas confronts Dean angrily, and they spar a bit, but Cas stands his ground, adapts to Dean’s demands, and finds a way that suits HIM to do what HE wants around what Dean wants, and Dean just says, okay, fine, and sends Sam away.

Again, if you read Sam as the reason for Dean’s dickishness, when Cas says “because you don’t trust me” and Dean says, “no, to help”, though this has all been really charged between them, Dean’s pretty much mostly demon!Dean, is more irrational about Sam than at any other point save next episode where he just plain punches him out to have him not come with him (and last episode he “only” lied to Sam to get him to not come with him, out of concern SAM would get hurt too – his humanity is draining away and obviously killing Abaddon was the worst blow so Dean between 9x21 and 9x22 is already a radically different Dean and that’s NOT character inconsistencies) and again he does NOT want Sam with him. 

Cas offers a perfect opportunity to ditch Sam, and so Dean changes track – the fight is over for him because this has turned up and Cas standing his ground has opened a door for him… I don’t really think it is about Cas at this point any more, to the point where Cas asking if Dean doesn’t trust him throws him a bit, because the entire time while he’s been having this stupid argument about cults and Godstiel references, it’s NEVER been because he doesn’t TRUST Cas though it sure sounded like it. He’s a dick and he’s worried about Cas and also, did I mention he’s a total dick right now :P

CAS’S CAAAR

CASTIEL Abaddon is dead. 

SAM And then some. 

CASTIEL Oh, no. 

SAM Okay. Um...Ominous.

See also: Dean and Cas didn’t talk about anything significant, see also: Sam is not worried enough part however many of infinity this season

It takes Cas’s OUTSIDE view (again, co-dependency stuff) to get some context to understand how worried he should be. I don’t even think it’s Cas’s “expert” advice because I think Cas knows about as much as Crowley here only unlike Crowley he’s not hoping for a “miracle”. I think it’s just literally the fact someone who Sam trusts who is NOT Dean can comment on the fact that Dean does not seem to be doing well…

CASTIEL Does Dean seem different to you? 

SAM Yeah. Lately, he seems to be...amped up --you know, on edge.

Cas trusting SAM’S expert advice on Dean, his self-worth nowhere near as bad as it will get, but still Dean’s words get to him and I don’t think he entirely trusted that Dean’s anger was entirely coming from the Mark, and not that Cas had fucked up somehow (HE HASN’T. HE’S PERF. HE’S LITERALLY DOING NOTHING WRONG AND EVERYONE ELSE RUINS EVERYTHING FOR HIM TODAY)

Sorry, wait, I’m not a bitter Cas fan, I just… *follows him with blankets and a cup of cocoa*

I think it’s because they’re talking in his car and I get emotional.

CASTIEL He does seem angry. I mean, he's always a little angry, but now it seems like...more. I think a part of him actually believed that I ordered those angels to, you know...Sam, you don't, do you?

At the end of the episode Dean clears this up for Cas – and again, despite his rabid “THIS IS A DICTATORSHIP” to Sam, I feel like the difference is not that he’s putting on a face for Cas but it’s meant to show how far gone he is with SAM, so I trust him to be genuine about this, to apologise and say, no, he didn’t think that. Dean and Cas, weirdly, are good for pretty much all of season 9 right through to the end of season 10 and keeping Cas at an arm’s length from the Mark of Cain stuff means so much more to me with hindsight. >.> I mean I wasn’t all that bitter about it at the time for this season but now we have all the hindsight, the way these two emotional arcs ran against each other, yes it is a total relief that Dean never got all aggro against Cas until pretty much every shred of his humanity, including the part that protects children, was gone (and he still didn’t kill Cas, despite how monstrously cruel that fight was). So with hindsight, I’m absolutely supporting that Dean didn’t think this about Cas.

Cas however, thinks this about Dean because he values Dean’s opinion of him, guides himself by Dean’s morals, has enough trauma and guilt about all the things Dean accused him of, and is genuinely afraid of fucking up again like that, as he repeated while clinging to “I’m not a leader” just a few episodes ago. Now he’s exercising that power as responsibly as he can, and it’s still not good enough for Dean, who freaks out about it. Cas, understandably, takes a blow to his self-esteem.

Anyway Sam and Cas bond – the start of the Adventures of Sam n Cas, having a very lovely conversation. *rubs their heads* 

They have a really nice build up to relying on each other more as Dean, the previous emotional link between them, rapidly loses his emotional stake in anything, forcing Sam and Cas to pick up the slack to keep the family together. Well, their nice moments so far this season have been sort of because Dean left, Cas just wanted to catch a word, and now because Dean set them up together so they’re not doing it deliberately, per say, but the writing is and the world they’re now in is one which is making them rely on each other and communicate. The stuff about trust last episode, with Gadreel and Cas both vouching for each other because Sam, is a great way to show all these ties and trust between them in action. Now they have meaningful conversations which aren’t about Dean! :P

(I mean this one starts about him but moves onto others stuff)

SAM No, man. Cas, listen. You got a weird thing going on back there. Those other angels, the way they stare at you, I-it's like you're part rock star, part L. Ron.

Sam cautions him about his followers but honestly aside from their over-the-top feeling of betrayal from Metatron’s speech, they don’t get wildly out of control – I think because Cas is a good leader not because there wasn’t time for it to fester. Of course Metatron plays off that adoration and how that sort of heightened love for a leader can quickly be turned by a sense of wrongdoing because it makes people question their OWN choices. Metatron gets to save their morality by proving Cas’s is worse, and their choice to pick Metatron comes because he saved them from following a bad leader…

And also of course Sam gives the surface text about the cult, explaining his OWN discomfort and what we’re to assume is Dean’s discomfort (hint: all the Hannah stuff says it’s not just that :P) by trying to explain that there’s just a really creepy aspect to the way the angels look at Cas. Sam WAS picking up on it, he just wasn’t jealous in the same way Dean was.

CASTIEL They've put their faith in me. 

SAM And maybe that's the problem. I mean, people have been doing messed up crap in the name of faith -- in the name of God -- since forever.

CASTIEL Well... I'm not trying to... play God. I'm just trying to get my people home.

Cas as a religious figure – Moses this time, instead of God. Sam vs faith as well, something we rarely see surface, but he struggles with it a lot. He and Cas have both had arcs where they did the wrong thing because of misplaced faith – Sam’s ironically because he had his own righteousness about the demon blood thing being the greater good when CAS was telling him not to do it in season 4, while Cas took his resurrection as a cue of God pointing him on the right path to do what he did in season 6. This is something they KNOW.

I love Sam n Cas.

Bowling angel!

I swear they cast a really tall guy just to make Metatron look extra small. Gadreel of course, standing behind him as the hired muscle, being also twice his height.

Metatron toadies and claps at Tyrus getting a strike which he probably shouldn’t have done – he’s making himself look like the grovelling underling despite his powerful position as the one angel sitting in Heaven. He then goes on to prove he’s got really, well… wooden dialogue:

METATRON Beautiful -- a symphony of wood.

What the fuck you’re the worst writer :P

I say like it’s so easy to be poetic out loud. But yeah, if they WANTED to show us Metatron being a good writer, he’d have had an eloquent piece of poetry about bowling – either ripping off something he read or actually coming up with a nice observation here. He thinks he SHOULD say something poetic in situations like this, but it immediately shows he doesn’t CARE. He has no attachment to bowling, and Tyrus is one of many angels who feels settled and happy on Earth; Metatron not only has an offer he doesn’t want to accept ever, but he also makes it clear they have no common purpose whatsoever by just not *getting* why bowling is great.

Also, the innuendo.

TYRUS Yeah, I sign on the dotted line, and, well, my people, they get a ticket upstairs. What if we don't want to go? 

GADREEL But it's home. 

TYRUS It's boring. I mean, you -- there's nothing like this in heaven.

I LOVE the angels that change and grow and appreciate life on Earth and doing human things.

METATRON So, wait. You're turning me down because of...bowling? 

TYRUS And I like being an independent operator. And I hear you're losing. And I hate your face.

Also that.

I love the way it goes from this abstract poetry about how great Earth is and the authenticity and the FREEDOM which he doesn’t even mention but yeah, and then when Metatron challenges him, he gets political and then personal.

Gadreel also doesn’t get it when Tyrus asks them to take a whiff –

GADREEL Old shoes and... Alcoholism? I...

But he doesn’t not get it because he sucks, like Metatron, he just has that same sort of remove from humanity and the experience that Cas sometimes has (and rapidly has less and less of when it comes to UNDERSTANDING, especially since he TRIES to understand, though the social stuff still gets him :P I like that Gadreel is one of the few angels played GENUINELY like Cas in how he relates to the world – he serves as a season 4 Cas mirror to it all to show how Cas has changed (no more apparent when they work together) and then next season Hannah does the same thing for a few episodes.)

Aaah yeah and Tyrus’s bowling team he’s infiltrated (“Jack” is the name of his vessel according to his shirt) is called “The Saints” – the whole buccaneers vs the saints thing from last episode. Metatron is going to beat him anyway because despite getting turned down he has a plan B which plays off of this:

TYRUS Please. You knife me, and all my guys will go running to Castiel. Even you're not that stupid

Because he has one of his “Castiel” bombers come take him out instead, so he can play the victim. Metatron loooves this sort of set up >.> I’m not entirely sure he’s a buccaneer in the sense that it’s a romantic term and what he’s doing is really not terribly analogous to piracy despite how he’s taken over the ship – I think it almost suits better the angels who want to flout the rules and stay on Earth and enjoy themselves. Next season they’re the “rogue angels” Hannah wants to round up, and I bet a lot of them were in this faction.

Awww Cas in a Gas n Sip

He’s looking around like “their counter display is not very well arranged”

There’s a huge bowl of oranges on the counter for some reason

– knowing Sam, Cas and this dude don’t die, that’s really incongruous.

On the other hand this guy’s name tag says “Jeremy” and we already had the detail about the blueberries about season numbers, so maybe this is a “Carver out” warning for season 10 :P

I guess Jeremy is wearing a sort of brown plaid that’s more Dean-like than not. And he’s gonna die.

FLAGSTAFF! Dabb really has such a knack for one off characters, and also writing angels brilliantly…

DEAN What do I call you? 

FLAGSTAFF My angelic name is 18 syllables long. Let's stick with Flagstaff.

What a great way to make her instantly memorable. She’s still my fave random angel from Cas’s army, even over “Benjamin” and his friend in their snappy wardrobes :P

I’ve seen a lot of discussion about what that means about angel names, and I think it makes sense they’d have nearly unpronounceable names in their own language, but like Ents choosing to not speak Old Entish because it takes forever, they communicate with humans differently. All their names are Biblical (or well, mostly anglicised Hebrew names I think? I admit I don’t know much about this sort of thing, says the person wandering around called “Elizabeth”) or I think Latin? I mean people have made completely unrelated posts about the possible translations of “Castiel” and pointing out the “-iel” part is about God in angel names and so on and that’s from Latin. Anyway. Human languages. Easy names. Maybe Flagstaff never came to Earth before and never had to use any sort of name so this is just something she picked up – perhaps it’s where she fell to or something.

Which does mean maybe Cas has a secret unpronounceable dozens of syllables long name.

FLAGSTAFF Not funny "ha ha." But you thinking you help people -- it's amusing. I help people. A clogged artery here, a tumor there. I do good in this world. You -- you believe every problem can be solved with a gun. You play the hero, but underneath the hype, you're a killer with oceans of blood on his hands. I hate men like you.

*muffled screaming about Dean from the pillow I have hidden behind*

Honestly this is one of those scenes I just watch through because aaaah too good to pause all over. The endless discussion of Dean as a killer – repeated a lot this season – weirdly feels more relevant because of Mary being described as a killer in the most recent episode. Of course their characters have a lot of similarity but this is Dean going as dark as he’s been to date by MILES, and he’s not done yet.

Of course there’s 2 sides to it – “Saving people” and “hunting things” and their dark arcs always come down to forgetting the saving people or putting it aside for one reason or another, and allowing the hunting to take over them. Very literally in this case. The BMoL for Mary represent this uncompromising but simple and easy promise of killing EVERYTHING. Whether she’s still going along with them or not entirely next episode, it sounds like the episode where this will really be confronted.

Hopefully before she has “oceans” of blood on her hands.

Obviously this gets to Dean because he thinks of all the innocent lives he’s hurt – maybe the vessel problem with killing demons and angels without checking and what they have to tell themselves to kill so many demons (thankfully so many helpfully demonstrated already dead or dying vessels that Sam and Dean let themselves relax about stabbing them, but obviously it still bothers them because they can’t exactly check…) That’s definitely the biggest regular blood on their hands thing they do as MOST MotW have at least a neutral to positive result when it comes to saving people, and they averted the entire apocalypse plus dealt with other giant threats to the world already. Carver era is designed to make them guilty though, with not closing the gates of Hell and so feeling an abstract guilt for everything. Cas, too, has the angel fall sprung on him.

Likely, though, when Dean’s face just gets consumed with rage, he mostly thought of the guilt he was carrying over Kevin, who personifies the blood on their hands, as it was that set of mistakes that fuelled all of Dean’s descent…

Anyway, light entertainment break as we return to the Adventures of Cas n Sam

I really miss that car. I should make a pointless gifset of it in this episode.

It has eyebrows.

CASTIEL Sam, this place is... radiating power. I haven't felt anything like this since... since heaven. We have to get in here.

Warning sign – this is what Hannah told Cas about what Gabriel’s horn felt like in 9x18

That sounds wrong

“I don’t got this” don’t worry we love you anyway

Like with 9x01, I think there’s an element of Cas realising he’s just not *that* powerful, and see above: stuff I’ve been talking about him seeming okay for as long as he can. He knows he’s not exactly as powerful as he was and it’s not even his grace, but in 9x01 adapting to being human he had a lot of drama like nearly getting hit with a truck or being easily knocked out or not being able to knock others out, or needing to drink… Since Cas got grace back he’s been functioning and healing people and missing his wings but still trying to carry on like normal. Something like a door old Cas would have confidently smashed down with his weight applied liked that (assuming Metatron’s warding wouldn’t be so pointlessly good that it would keep out even a non-existent full powered angel) is suddenly an impassable object, and Cas is no longer an unstoppable force. 

Having to admit “I don’t got this” is really humbling and part of the slow unravelling of Cas that begins now, because I really haven’t caught anything like this so far and now in this episode several things all at once that start to hint Cas is not the same, and in more ways than just his grace burning out. He’s adapting to being a different sort of angel – that even when he SEEMS fine is still not that powerful – I mean, at this point or in season 12 it’s about the same difference to how powerful Cas is, and yet here he’s burning out and in season 12 he’s just wandering around being Cas.

Meanwhile, Dean is being dramatic, lurking in the rain behind a column WAY too narrow to conceal himself, yet still stepping out from behind it when he knows Tessa is coming.

[obligatory yelling about reapers but I am tired]

DEAN Howdy, Tessa. You're supposed to be working at the hospital tonight, but when I stopped by, you were gone. So was an ambulance. Pro tip -- they all have GPS.

Well, and this seems to confirm that they were grounded like angels

I think the whole “angels of Death” thing is something the show never committed to early on because they didn’t want to commit to angels, or, well, even Death. But then by the time it was more acceptable to link them up they’d developed reapers in a way that didn’t work with their ANGELS, so kind of left it alone. I think somewhere in the back of their mind they always kinda wanted to connect them, but just… didn’t… until Buckleming finally bit the bullet and did it TERRIBLY, and long story short this does not explain why Billie could still go everywhere she wanted, unless she was Actually Death, or Tessa wanted to be talked out of it and let herself get caught or or or I need to stop.

This one is never getting untangled.

TESSA Good to know. So, you're here. Why? You just love musical theater? 

DEAN Only if it's "Fiddler." We need to talk.

Oh I remember the meta at the time for this :P I suppose it’s even funnier knowing Dean liked the Supernatural musical only like, 6 episodes from now.

Constantine, the next suicide bomber, is not dressed in a trenchcoat because that would be too… well, maybe copyright infringement grounds. He’s wearing plaid but in a sort of Misha way not a Winchester way.

I love Cas. I LOVE CAS.

There was like a solid month of glee over “prime numbers can be intimidating” like hell yeah they can, humanity still probably hasn’t even discovered them all and they only get more intimidating the further up you go. And Cas knows them ALL.

Also Cas’s beautiful pop culture obliviousness/savviness. His knowledge and (mis)application of 3 major franchises (LotR, Indy and Star Wars) are vitally important in the end of the season. After this, honestly the entire thing is dropped, like, Cas carries on blinking off references and not making any more himself, really, to this extent. Even when he watched a bunch of TV he hasn’t really started applying a TON of life lessons from it. His lack of context which made it such a delight in these 3 episodes where it was actually a thing, made it very easy for it all to slip away again in the writing. At this point it seems weirdly like once again this is something fandom remembers better than the writers, though considering Dabb played with it more than even Robbie or Carver with this little game of Metatron’s, you’d think maybe it would show up more now. :P

Ah well, it was clearly never that important to Cas, but it’s a weird thing that he literally has ALL that extra culture in his brain and he doesn’t see to even casually interact with it? At the very least it’s like having a giant Kindle library where if he’s bored he could space out and pay closer attention to some of the things.

Maybe that’s what the TV was in 11x18

Headcanon accepted for the sake of the fandom fridge horror that this is a season 9 only thing and literally three episodes ever directly refer to this :P

Cas doesn’t deadpan shit like “I’m very pop culture savvy now” so often any more either.

[SAM's phone rings] Hey. 

DEAN How is he? 

SAM He's, uh...He's Cas. What about you? How's it going?

Sam has his own amused/fond reactions to Cas being Cas, but not in Dean’s thousand mile stare about his dorky little friend. Anyway

11: Dean immediately asking about Cas when he calls. He doesn’t have pleasantries for Sam, sure, because their relationship is currently dead on Dean’s side, but that just means he’s concerned about Cas and while he seems to be calling because he’s amused it’s Tessa and wants to let Sam know about her, since he does kind of know her too (they met once, while they were all disembodied, that one time) the way he opens the conversation asking about Cas... yeah, that's a thing that was heavily featured in gifsets of Dean being ridiculous about Cas. :P

Sam demands to know what’s going on because this is a seriously out of context phone call but it’s really worrying (and WHY don’t Sam and Cas turn back now? Well, Sam continues to not worry about Dean enough, and also because he’d stay for Cas and CAS has to do this and it’s important. It’s not a coincidence this call comes after Sam figures out how to open the door for him – and he’ll help Cas not get murdered by the trap, as well – but that’s the decision point and because the door’s open the call to continue on is so much clearer than if Dean had phoned before, and they were stuck and considering giving up.)

Anyway Sam and Cas have team work and I love it.

12:

FLAGSTAFF I know he's the commander's friend, and I know we're supposed to pretend we like him, 

The angels had that conversation. Or Cas had that conversation with them. One way or the other a big gaggle of Cas’s angels sat in a room together and had a conference about Cas’s weird attachment to his human friends, probably after Cas let them hang out there in 9x21.

HANNAH Oh, God. 

TESSA There's no God. There's only Castiel. 

DEAN Oh, and you're done.

(Can we carry on assuming angels DON’T even think “oh my god” is a weird thing to say any more than Christians who might say it while also believing God is the Creator because that “oh my dad” last episode is still hurting my soul :P)

But – 13: Dean’s reaction to Cas’s fanatics continues, this time with a character we’ve been reminded kissed HIM in 4x15 in the recap of this episode, but now is one of Cas’s creepy cult apparently – I think she means this in a more defeated way, all existential crisis, unless Metatron REALLY brainwashed them, in which case I feel even more sorry for her, because brainwashing on this show can often have characters seeming to be entirely themselves, except for how they’re motivated to do one particular thing… 

Anyway, it love triangles it between him and Cas and Tessa with Cas stealing her affection, given the very specific way Dean reacts to Cas’s angels and the cultishness that Metatron’s working off of fro the other angle, so like, perfect storm of how Dean feels about it and what Metatron is agitating…

HANNAH You wounded her. 

DEAN More like "defused," okay? I cut up that old testament graffiti she carved into herself. I figured that would break the spell.

Alter the symbol, alter the spell.

Considering the phrasing, you have to wonder if Dean ever tried this for his own problem.

(Grossly, there was so much idle speculation about if you could chop off Dean’s arm and the Mark would grow it all back for him – I think him just trying to cut a line through the Mark or something no worse than all the random times they cut themselves with silver knives to prove they aren’t monsters…)

HANNAH It's horrible, but there's only one person who can punish her. 

DEAN Let me guess. Yea big, trench coat, sensible shoes?

14 – Dean having another go at describing Cas :P

Also more discomfort at the angels’ veneration of Cas. I didn’t stick this one in the Dean is jealous of Hannah gifset because the sensible shoes thing is overwhelming with the Destiel in another direction of Dean just thinking Cas is a smol dork, but he is bouncing off Hannah once again emphasising Cas is their leader and Dean is just so uncomfortable with it he snarks back at her about wow wonder who that could be NOT THE ANGEL YOU’RE ALL SO OBSESSED WITH MAYBE?

(Dean, honey, you are so obsessed with Cas)

HANNAH You have to understand that Castiel is the only thing holding us together. A month ago, half the angels in this place were trying to kill the other half. Castiel has given us a purpose. But more than that, he has given us a way to live in peace. We have rules. Order. If I let you take matters into your own hands, what's to stop one of them from doing the same? 

I LOVE CAS AND HOW HE MADE ALL THESE ANGELS WORK TOGETHER

I think these rules did sort of go back to Heaven without him but Heaven is still really such a mess.

Anyway it reminds me of the Leviathan – without their leader they were useless, and they couldn’t even pick a new one or something – without God the angels are useless and even the angels who try to keep order and become God or rule Heaven have been panicking and upset so overreacting at best (the archangels (both apocalypse attempts), Naomi) or total disaster zones (Godstiel, Metatron) – the fact we DON’T know who’s ruling heaven right now is GOOD because all the alpha personalities are gone, and they may attempt democracy, and here no news is good news. Anyway I like to think Cas helped Heaven get a little more settled even if it was indirectly and he’s still exiled >.>

I love how more and more angels show up through this conversation until Dean’s facing off at least 10 angels armed with one angel blade and the hidden first blade – I think itching for the fight, but it gets to the point where he knows he possibly couldn’t take them all, and the fact it takes like 10 angels for him to decide to back down and surrender his angel blade is pretty terrifying.

SAM You sure you don't want to go back, Cas? Look, if Dean is right about Tessa... 

CASTIEL No, I, uh...I do. I just... give me a second.

Aw Cas. You have to do this :< You don’t even know yet that this is SUCH a personal quest for you, but it certainly feels important.

I don’t think he really accesses all the pop culture but the sense of a quest is in these trials – the door, the penitent man thing – so I feel like fiction is subtextually pushing him onwards.

Sam is now concerned, but not enough to abandon Cas. He makes it about Cas and what he wants so that it’s all Cas’s decision to turn back.

Cas does have good reflexes

I love how Sam’s response is just how terrible the reference is. Like why would you do this. It’s so cheap. We’re in a dusty warehouse corridor. Why. Where is your special effects budget, Metatron.

DEAN Okay. Well, let's start with an easy one. Who are you working for? 

TESSA Castiel. 

HANNAH Liar. 

TESSA People like you, they never understand. Sacrifices have to be made.

People sitting in that chair really like to make judgement about other people in the room :P

But yeah I guess this echoes Dean and Flagstaff just to have Hannah react – she’s not so different after all, in that way where she can be just as emotional in response… In this case, in Cas’s defence, twice, refusing to believe that Cas would send the bombers. Dean has been set up to look like he thinks Cas might, which isn’t corrected until the end of the episode. Dean and Hannah now are balanced against each other again in how much they care about/trust Cas and of course Hannah want to be loyal and trust Cas. In a way it’s unquestioning for now until she confronts Cas over what Metatron says at the end when her trust is betrayed, maybe not because of the bombers but because Metatron gives enough reason to doubt because of the grace thing, which IS true. In front of the whole army, they have to have order and trust and all that she spoke about that holds them together. If they shook it off it would leave however much of the army NOT trusting Cas and cause more factions for him… If this hadn’t worked instantly it still would have destroyed the army long-term…

Anyway, using Hannah’s interest in Cas to balance against Dean’s, blah blah skip to the end of the episode, Dean wins both Cas’s not-killing-him thing for the giving up the army thing which is Dean’s reason for saying he trusts Cas. But like Hannah he really don’t want to hear that Cas is behind it – that “Oh and you’re done” earlier. It makes him uncomfortable and he hates it, just the same as Hannah is lashing out. So, like, I guess just a comment they’re still in the same orbit (Cas) all episode. Though reacting differently openly.

DEAN So you go after one of the bad guys, and if a few humans get microwaved, no big deal, right?

TESSA In the grand scheme, they don't matter. 

DEAN Oh, Tessa, you are so wrong.

Anyway for no reason WHATSOEVER Dean has a big reminder that he is Dean “Humanity” Winchester and this is where his heart can ALWAYS be melted and he can ALWAYS stand up for humanity and and and and that happens this episode

I mean ignoring everything else he and Cas are clearly soulmates in the non-SPN application of the term

I mean the way he completely changes character to say that an MELTS like aaaaaah Dean loves humanity Dean IS Humanity he always has been this is the sort of stuff he fought for back in season 4 and 5 and WON CAS OVER WITH

I wonder why it was necessary to shoehorn in a brilliant Dean “humanity” Winchester moment in this episode

I also can’t believe Dean manhandled Hannah, a full powered angel (as they come right now) out of the room. He could have taken at least the first 7-8 angels that swarmed him earlier >.> Easily.

HANNAH Is -- do you think she's telling the truth?

DEAN She thinks she is.

This IS sort of also why Dean would rather he (or Sam) do the interrogating, because angels lack this sort of subtlety in many cases. Which I think is why this plan works so well for Metatron. He’s playing off their faith in Cas.

Oh no Cas is so happy when he thinks he found the door to Heaven. Oh he’s so optimistic and – aaargh

CASTIEL I can hear it. It's calling to me, Sam.

This somehow all feels very typical of Cas and the angel plots – this is why I get so upset about Cas in 7x21 being SO happy when he says “Sam – he’s talking to angels” – he LOVES angels and Heaven, and just being in the presence of this spell mimicking Heaven, it’s an actual CALL to him. And for so long it’s a pull he can’t resist when it comes to angels.

(I like that in 12x10 it was a personal favour and personal investment in Benjamin that sent him off to deal with another round of angel nonsense, rather than this broad duty/obligation that gets him every time, and the overall question of his love for Heaven doesn’t come into it really, aside from Ishim and Mirabel reminding him of all the crappy stuff that happened and saying they “didn’t think he’d care” because it all puts Cas at such a distance from this feeling… I wish things were better with him and Heaven and he could choose his own path with their blessing, as it were, but at least he’s not being yanked around by them any more.)

Anyway, this is such a cruel thing he does to Cas – even the music as Cas walks in before we see anythig is that torture-related music, “cheek to cheek” that Alastair sings in 4x16 (the beginning of Cas’s journey, that episode) – but this is all set up to just completely dash Cas’s hope.

God, that fake heaven though. Dogs and dolphins and cherubs and I think a Pegasus hidden behind a cloud… The dog has wings and a halo so I think it’s also an early “dog that thinks it’s people” joke (which is interesting when Josiah tells Cas he doesn’t see an angel)

Even on DVD quality I can’t tell if that one cherub is holding pie for real or not. But regardless, this mockery of Cas’s place in Heaven, the presence of his “heaven” on Earth, and the general connection to Dean through the song will always mean the entire set up has at least half a point for all the Destiel nonsense :P I won’t count it for now because I think it’s less overt but OH the meta I read about this room when this first aired… I really really wish I had reblogged more at the time >.>

CASTIEL So, all of this -- it was a a lie.

Oh Cas

This, like the Flagstaff scene, is one of those genuinely intense, dramatic moments that I just LOVE when this show really gets into it and takes it all seriously and builds the tension properly. When Josiah grabs Cas he’s pulling him in for that one urgent last conversation, and unlike Dean’s problems getting the truth from the angels and getting a confession from Tessa that matches his OWN despair, Josiah’s blinded eyes which apparently still can see Cas, or maybe COULD see Cas, make this huge potent moment when he describes Cas and explains to him why he went against him and his lack of faith in Cas…

Josiah dies with all his faith gone though, because

JOSIAH Supposed to be here...Gate... He told me... After Ezra, he told me that I should come to him. Metatron told me that I could go home. I just wanted to go home.

This is symbolic of all the angels this year feeling exiled and betrayed by their leaders. For the regular angels the factions and squabbling has got them nowhere, and the one angel who would be able to let them into Heaven is pulling cruel tricks on them. And Cas, who seems like he’d have the best shot at taking Metatron, as Gadreel points out and it’s obvious from his HQ he’s got a great shot at it, is morally estranged from the angels, so they don’t trust him anyway.

JOSIAH No! I would rather die than owe my life to you, Castiel. You play at being noble. You play at being one of us. But I look into your eyes... And I don't see an angel staring back at me.

I don’t think it’s JUST Metatron corrupting him to think this. I think the angels are really genuinely struggling to understand Cas and what he is. His hybrid nature is a Thing ever since 9x09 when he took another angel’s grace, or 8x23 when Metatron apparently bestowed a soul on him.

I think this is the big moment in Cas’s arc and I think season 9 is brilliant at the set up – I’m just sad the plot accordion got in the way because this genuinely feels like it all got buried until season 12 so this TENSION and visceral HORROR about what Cas is all gets kind of diluted out. Cas got some self-reflection here and there, but being questioned about what he wants, who he is, is a very season 9 thing, and his arc towards humanity and picking his real family is sooo slow and it’s put off and dragged out. THIS is the culmination of the natural build-up of the season to make us question SERIOUSLY what Cas is and what he wants, and how it’s all affected him, and after everything he’s been through so far, how he’s changed in ways that other angels just can’t understand. Ishim called him an angel’s angel and while he really hasn’t been since season 4, like I said somewhere around 8x23 or 9x01 in this rewatch, the Cas of 8x23 is 1000 miles from even the Cas of  9x09 or 9x10 once he has some grace back, in a way that the Cas of like, 8x23 and pretty much any version of Cas before that who’s fully himself aren’t SO different, despite what he’s learned along the way. He’s written differently, acts differently, and is visibly changed by the experience of being human, like he never quite recovered from it, and it’s more than just being weaker and having no wings, or knowing pop culture (thanks Metatron)…

Ugh, I just love this moment. It’s so shocking, and it HORRIFIES Cas about what the angels think about him, what he is. He is so determined to help them, and I think this one moment could easily horrify him enough to spur him to work with Hannah next season, because he has so much to prove. His last line of the season – he just wants to be an angel – betrays so much of his weariness and anxiety on this arc of his, and at least in this part of it, he’s still clinging to his old culture, and his old family, though they have begun to reject him, and the set-up has already begun that he truly belongs with another, human family.

I suppose the “I love you” in 12x12 is the final answer to this, especially since this scene is with an angel laying splayed out dying and using that confession to tell Cas what he is. Then skip ahead 2 seasons and there’s Cas splayed out dying and instead of in a room that’s a mockery of his shaky attachment to Heaven it’s on that plaid couch >.>

DEAN Just you and me now. Let's talk about us. I mean, we got history, yeah?

TESSA Sure. I still remember our meet-cute. You were dying. 

DEAN Good times. 

Oh Dean >.>

But yeah, flirty flirty dialogue (about welcoming death >.>) and reminds us Dean missed Tessa – had a hole in him for a YEAR that was not going with her. She represents what Amara does in season 11, that call of oblivion and Dean wanting it to be over.

DEAN Here's the deal. I like you, Tess, okay? For an angel.

*grinds teeth*

I suppose having Dean have a thing for an “angel” is again juxtaposing him and Cas – Tessa is death, Cas is life, just not one he thinks he can have.

DEAN No, forget Cas. Why are you doing this? What would make a person want to pop their top, huh? I mean, look, I've been in bad shape. I have. But I have never been that damn low.

Oh Dean :< You just do some huge self-destructive gesture to save someone else or in this case get your revenge and don’t even see it as suicide because you think it’s for a great cause outside of yourself, like you’re not even WORTH it as a person to consider in all that. I mean it’s worth remembering Dean’s feelings about not dying when he was supposed to ended up contributing to his mindset of season 2 that eventually led to him selling his soul with a ONE year contract. Now you’re being gobbled up by the Darkness and you don’t even care.

TESSA I guess I just can't take the screaming. 

DEAN Who's screaming? 

TESSA All of them. The lost souls. The ones that can't get into heaven now that it's been boarded up. I hear them. They are so confused. They're in so much pain. All I want to do is help them. It's what I do. It's my job. But I can't. So I suffered... Until death, nothingness. Suddenly, it didn't seem so bad. It seemed quiet.

*sad music* *epic well-delivered well-written speech* Dabb really goes for the epic sad speeches. I’ve been commenting on that as he writes more and more dramatic episodes once he’s writing on his own and he has SO MANY huge moments in this episode :P It’s not quite the style of some of Edlund’s episodes that felt like plays but it’s got really endearing quality that he puts his heart into writing all these moments.

I can’t believe this also just kind of vanished until the end of season 11 when Billie was like hey some use for all these souls and then God presumably put them all in Heaven where they belonged.

Anyway this is beautiful Tessa characterisation even if she’s apparently an angel now and all, because she’s always been about that natural order, and if you’ve stuck with this rewatch you’ll remember 4x15 was mostly just me rambling for paragraphs about what a brilliant character she is and the fact that she’s all retconned and messed up by the current plot and yet Dabb STILL manages to capture how TESSA should be within all this…

*grudging fist bump*

TESSA I thought about it. But I was too weak. Till Castiel gave me a reason to die.

DEAN Yeah. See, that just doesn't sound like the Cas I know.

14: See????? He doesn’t believe it long before he tells Cas he didn’t doubt it based off the fact he gave up his army. Pfft.

TESSA But doesn't it, though? And the Cas you know, would he raise an army of angels without telling you? 'Cause this Cas did.

And the fact the drama is about trying to undermine Dean’s faith in Cas all episode!! Like!!! It’s all about how much he cares about Cas and trusts him despite everything!!!!! AAAAH

And you have to ask why are we seeing all this NOW when Dean’s humanity is being steadily destroyed and we’ll soon see it’s aaall gone when we get to Sam and then Gadreel at the end, and I would say in 9x23 he’s just demon!Dean and doesn’t know it yet.

DEAN No. No, see...the fun's just getting started.

[DEAN pulls the First Blade from his jacket. TESSA starts back] 

TESSA Dean, what have you done? 

DEAN What I had to.

Tessa knows what this is. Uhoh.

“Welcome to the club” – Did I see speculation that Dean was gonna be an angel of death because of this statement? It’s more about the “did what I had to do” statement, and that Tessa is showing Dean where it leads, to this horrible dark end where she kills herself to make the screaming stop. (I swear muuuuch later in season 10 Dean mentions off-hand he’s tormented by visions and screaming? Like, 10x18 or somewhere in that late part of the season)

Anyway it’s probably important Tessa kills herself on the blade, making it an unsatisfying kill because Dean didn’t bloodlust into it, and then he fails to kill Gadreel, because the Blade really wanted to kill angels – the closer to God the better I guess, as it’s Amara’s hatred fuelling it all. This is the part of the show where counting and analysing what Dean kills is almost like keeping track of power ups he collects in a video game, and in 10x10 Metatron confirms the blade has a sort of hunger and power level that it’s after.

Dean doesn’t watch Tessa die, but averts his eyes. Unlike Zach dying right up in his face which he DID drink in with satisfaction, this is one he can’t watch. One of the few times he really does NOT look, which given his huge bloodlust at the moment, yeah. Significant.

After she drops to the floor, THEN Dean turns his attention to the Blade, and it gives him that little moment of satisfaction.

Also, lovely close up on it with really bloodlike blood on it, because sometimes these weapons have like, chunky bright red paint on, but it looks translucent and dark and really real.

*Dean attempts to fight all the angels*

Off screen, sadly :P

HANNAH He put up a fight.

CASTIEL Get out.

Cas is really dismissive of Hannah there, like he’s really disappointed they did this to Dean, though they’ve clearly heard what Dean did. Cas is pissed about that too, obviously. And disappointed in Dean.

Still, once Sam and Cas are back, they un-tape Dean’s mouth and uncuff him, despite the face this interrogation room is now being used against Dean.

Anyway, Cas is so in charge now and if Dean wasn’t distracted he’d be really enjoying it :P

DEAN Yeah, you think I don't know that? You think I wanted that to happen? 

SAM I don't know, Dean. Did you?

Uhoh :P Sam’s finally beginning to get a measure of how far gone Dean is, as I said, after Cas raised his own concerns. Their deal not to bring the First Blade is brought up again and Dean dismisses it as a stupid deal despite everything that just happened.

CASTIEL All right, that's enough. Stop it. 

HANNAH [opens the door] Commander, I'm sorry, but you have a call...From Metatron.

Dun dun duuuun

I find it funny how Cas tells them to shut up (another version of “stow your crap” from earlier – with Dean currently broken, Sam and Cas both have to do their part to peace keep in the messed up new dynamics – anyway as soon as Cas tells them to put THEIR issues aside, Hannah shows up making it all about CAS’S crap

Or, well, Metatron is. Hi!

Someone pointed out how Dean is holding his Mark arm like it’s been sprained all through this, like he’s still recovering from the kill. It probably is really bothering him >.>

METATRON Just to tell ass-tiel, there, that I'm still alive. His bomber failed. 

CASTIEL My bomber? 

METATRON

The crazy guy. Big knife. Kablooey.

Fake news >.>

CASTIEL Who are you to lecture me on lying? Your deception led to the fall. 

METATRON I did what I had to do. I have always done what I have to do, for God and for the angels.

“I did what I had to do” is exposed in a completely different way, as a phrase to say what you WANT to do as if you have no choice >.> The denying yourself your own choice that this phrase conjures when it’s used in so many contexts about choices with consequences that COULD have been avoided… Like Dean not reading the small print on the Mark. The way it was explored with Tessa instead showed the consequences, not the moment of choice.

Anyway Metatron falls back on family as an excuse to do a ton of backstabby stuff:

METATRON What I did was neither good nor bad. It was necessary -- a small hardship to make us all stronger, to make us a family again.

Same thing as Samuel wanting Mary back, doing it all for family, but sacrificing a bunch of family on the way to that >.>

“No more stupid angels” – he’s always been ready to sacrifice a bunch of them to get what he wants.

HANNAH Why would we follow you?

ILY Hannah :P I mean you do fall for it but you sound so sceptical and rightfully suspicious of him here. It’s only the reveal that CAS is compromised that makes her challenge him… Of course Metatron offering an amnesty means she like many angels chances it for the chance to return to heaven – as Josiah and even Cas showed, they’re all desperate to get back up there and be home again. I don’t judge her for doing that?

ANOTHER incredible speech because Dabb is just on a roll:

METATRON Well, look around. You've seen earth. You've had a taste of free will. I got to ask you -- do you like it? I mean, the way you've flocked off to follow Castiel tells me you need to follow someone. It's in your DNA. But Cas -- he's not what you think he is. He sends angels out to die. Have you told them about your stolen Grace, Castiel? How it's fading away, and when it burns out, so will you? So...No, then. I'm not the best, but I'm the best you've got. You want to stay with Castiel, fine, but he's playing you, because at the end of the day, the only thing he cares about is himself and the Hardy boys there. You've got a choice to make. Make the right one.

First Metatron references Tyrus, the angel who loved Earth, who he obliterated, aka that option is off the table and as your leader I think we can all agree Earth sucks. Then he snarks about free will, after all we’ve seen of Cas letting his angels have Friday nights off to go to the bar, and of course, calling back Cas’s plea to God in 6x20, about teaching poetry to fish when it came to angels and free will. They’ve come so far but the appeal of order and someone telling them what to do… “DNA” is an analogy, but season 8 showed us all that stuff about angels having operating systems that can be hacked but how they were built to serve. Their core being is one without free will…

One lie, immediately followed by the stolen grace and how he’s dying, which he can’t deny. He constantly keeps glancing at Dean while this is happening. When Metatron says the thing about sending out the angels, because of how he thinks Dean doesn’t believe or trust him, and then again checking Dean’s reaction when Metatron says how he is dying. Dean is off screen but Cas’s eyes just won’t stop going to him.

We don’t see Dean’s reaction to the end, thought we can catch Sam in the corner of the screen looking really concerned. Sam stays blurry in the corner, while

15: - the line about the Hardy Boys doesn’t really include Sam, the camera pans over Cas onto Dean

He looks really sad and concerned about this… I would NOT say those are his angry eyes :P

Anyway Metatron ends with saying the angels have a choice again, and tell them to make the right one, and they all turn in creepy unison to Cas to explain himself and give HIS side of the story, when Metatron has woven such a clever trap for Cas.

Hannah sounds so betrayed about the grace thing. In a couple of episodes she’ll be breaking into Heaven beat up Metatron for the location of Cas’s grace :P

CASTIEL It's complicated. 

HANNAH So he wasn't lying. 

CASTIEL He was about everything else. He...you believe me, don't you?

HANNAH I want to believe you, but I...we need proof.

“it’s complicated” and his direct appeal to Hannah as a “you” who he hopes would believe him over everyone else in the room again makes a personal connection between them - and break up language

She goes to “We” instead of “I” and starts speaking for the angels. (I can see WHY they picked her as a leader at least for a while)

And she’s quick to go to “punish him” because she doesn’t like Dean when she’s supposed to, and HE not he and Sam in general is the ~human weakness~ for Cas that he needs to cut out. (I feel bad casually quoting Ishim :P)

HANNAH You gave us order, Castiel, and we gave you our trust. Don't lose it over one man. 

17: Ahahahahahaha but he’s in love with Humanity – I can’t believe the “one man”/”one human” stuff – these last 2 episodes pair together so much and 9x23 plays off almost everything said about Cas and Dean in this episode… Obviously next episode Metatron making it about “one human” blurs this with the “humanity” thing even more.

Dean really thinks he deserves it and worries Cas would do it. Cas stares at Dean and KNOWS he can’t do it.

I can’t remember if it’s this season or season 6 & 7 I just went through with my mum where “can’t or won’t” is such a big deal, but “can’t” implies so much more in this case than “won’t” because it sort of suggests the forces involves are just too HUGE for Cas to overcome. “won’t” is still a strong choice he would make, but “I did what I had to do” – implies that there’s NO choice, and in this case it’s true. Cas didn’t have a choice here, though Hannah put the lade in his hand and ordered him to do it with everything riding on it.

18: To everyone’s total surprise Cas picks humanity and his human family over Heaven and his shot at fixing it properly.

HANNAH Goodbye, Castiel.

Such a break up.

*Dean and Cas exchange horrified looks about what they mean to each other*

*Cas watches his army go resigned to his choices and with his real family standing beside him*

*I cry a bit*

Metatron’s office! Ah, his gloating phonecall. I wonder where angels get his mobile number. Apparently that’s a Thing. Like demon bathroom walls.

GADREEL You should have told me what our elite unit was for. 

METATRON Why? It was none of your business.

Poor muffin. He gets lied to and manipulated forever. Like, that’s his life story. >.>

METATRON So? Well, that's an old writer's trick -- flipping the script. 

Mmm season 12. But Dabb flips the entire world around to see what happens :P

Little worried that’s from his terrible bad writing lesson from Metatron section but oh well. Nothing is funnier than Metatron giving Gadreel creative writing classes while Gadreel visualises stabbing him in his mind

METATRON You start by building up a seemingly unbeatable enemy, like the death star, or a rival angel with a bigger army.

The way Metatron pauses and gestures on “bigger…” never won’t make me laugh, because it clearly looks like in that pause he’s about to imply Cas has the much bigger dick, but then when you’ve used the subtext and his gesture to fill in that gap, he says “army”

I mean, this is LITERALLY THE SAME SPEECH NOW as that other meaningful pause. A sort of practice run on filling in a HUGELY suggestive gap.

[innuendo intended?]

Also the flipping of the script is the part where Cas’s weakness is revealed – the script gets flipped in season 12 and bam, “human weakness” from Ishim, “I love you” from Cas. Done and done. See what I mean about season 9 leading directly into 12? :P

METATRON And then, after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He's in love........................................ with humanity. And now...I'm inevitable.

(18)

GADREEL What about Josiah? 

METATRON Mm. He was a loose end.

Heh, Dabb going around clearing up all the plotholes in season 12.

METATRON Anyway, point is --while everyone else is playing checkers, I'm playing monopoly, and I always build a hotel on Boardwalk. And I always win.

So much board game meta… Mostly about chess, not checkers. Metatron doesn’t even know what game everyone is ACTUALLY playing.

Nice over confidence, you dick :P

Anyway Dabb vs cars, masterclass. Cas has a car. Why is he in the Impala? DRAMA REASONS. Because it is a powerful emotional beat.

Uh how did his car get to the Bunker in 9x23? Don’t ask. Just. Don’t. It’s worse than 10x22 after the reveal Cas had no car anymore because at least that was 5 episodes and a hiatus later so you could pretend it never happened for a while :P

….

I do like Cas sitting gloomily in the back of the car while Dean drives them all back to the Bunker. He’s chosen to be with this family, but shotgun STILL goes to Sam, even now. I think this may be more Sam’s insistence than Dean letting him, as well as force of habit. Remember 9x01 and how Sam set them up in his imaginary Impala, still letting Dean drive… Cas is another backseat character… For now. He’s given up his army but he has so many questions about his belonging with the Winchesters. We have a long ride until season 12…

19: Dean carries in Cas’s bag for him because he cares, because Cas is sick and even though he’s like 99% demon!Dean he’s gonna look after his angel, okay.

(Cas has a weirdly compelling side to demons… Maybe Dean just caught it :P)

DEAN About what? Yeah, I lied, but you were being an infant.

Dean used “baby” and “infant” on Cas in the end of season 6 about HIS choices

This is a totally unfair comparison and it wasn’t fair on Cas then either but it’s like 100x more unfair on poor Sam who is just trying to keep some semblance of control without realising -

DEAN Oh, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you how it's gonna be.

[...]

DEAN That Blade's the only thing that can kill Metatron, and I am the only one who can use it...so from here on out, I'm calling the shots. Capisce? Look, until I jam that Blade through that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. This is a dictatorship. Now, you don't have to like it, but that's how it's gonna be.

*Dean eyeballs Sam angrily*

He doesn’t even use “brothers” he uses “team” – Sam disowning him in 9x12 has never been rescinded, and Dean has carried that hurt with him while deteriorating. Anyway, culmination of all I was talking about earlier about Dean turning on Sam, and how his worst tendencies come out there, because…

20:

DEAN So, batteries...

CASTIEL I'm fine. 

DEAN No, you're not. How long you got?

Dean immediately switches back to a more reasonable sort of Dean who has GENUINE CONCERN FOR CAS. He still seems brash and a little flippant to begin but he has URGENT QUESTIONS

DEAN Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy. No, there's no way that you blew those people away. 

CASTIEL You really believe we three will be enough? 

DEAN We always have been.

And then he softens, when he has to talk about ACTUAL EMOTIONS when Cas brings up his concerns about Dean not trusting him, and Dean has to tap into a place of genuine emotion to answer it, and over the course of this very short conversation, he melts back to a relatable version of our Dean that we can make cutesy gifsets of them looking at each other over this table with…

And that “we always have been” is so soft AND at this point, with Sam out of the picture in Dean’s head, I do wonder if it’s sort of about Cas in that way where he falls behind stuff like “you’re OUR brother Cas�� in ways to say and feel emotional squishy things about Cas without getting out from the safe zone where Sam is included too… But Sam’s not included here >.> Dean’s a shade off the guy who chases him with a hammer.

(Dabb’s thing about letting Dean and Cas even start to talk… This used to be like the one reason I fell back on to say I trusted him before I knew him better :P)

Anyway mirroring Cas’s scary entrance in 9x21, here’s some heavy footsteps here to ruin everything – if this was a NORMAL day of the week Gadreel would be their saving grace, and instead…

The fact he knew how to get into the Bunker the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME and never told Metatron or came to get them even while they were enemies. Love him :P

The filming of this entire sequence from the moment they get in uses weird camera angles that make the Bunker space look really different from normal – more confined and close, even hostile… Even the library looks strange filmed from the angles Dean and Cas are sitting at. And the close over the shoulder camera angles and low ones to catch Gadreel’s feet, and angles to catch Sam coming in and out of the corridors – if the directing had been a touch more brave, ALL the war room stuff would have been like, shaky hand cameras :P

Anyway I love how Dean just assumes his best Murder Face, like, you know in 7x20 when they were terrified Bobby would go vengeful if he set eyes on Dick? This is Dean setting eyes on Dick. Bye bye Dean.

GADREEL Because I can give him to you. I know where Metatron is. I know everything. I know the bombers. They were his agents, not yours. You don't trust me, fine. I understand. I've...made mistakes. But haven't you? Haven't we all? At least give me a chance.

LITERALLY ANY OTHER DAY OF THE WEEK, MATE. That is like, a prize speech. Wins Sam and Cas over, and they’re the ones fucked over materially by him. Dean is carrying his big bundled up poisoned guilt, and can’t listen, because it’s all gone twisted inwards with HIS burden of it that he made. And so his descent which he started in 9x10 finally all comes out now when confronted with Gadreel and unable to forgive him because he hasn’t forgiven HIMSELF and taken on a curse which only makes that worse and –

Ouch.

He’s busy still making the mistakes – Sam and Cas meanwhile were bonding over their mistakes earlier because they’ve been through the descent and recovery, while Dean hasn’t even finished his descent yet.

Goes to shake left-handed in defiance of the fact handshakes were traditionally right-handed to STOP people going for a hidden weapon and stabbing someone. Where does he even keep getting the First Blade from? He’s definitely teleporting it back into his pocket.

Anyway hi demon!Dean

You are truly, truly scary.

Yeah I’ll always stick with this thought because after this, which I suppose is for 9x23, all the stuff about smelling sulphur around the Bunker – that was all about Dean and not Crowley. The whole thing about a demon in their home, which really is for the end of 9x23 or the demon!Dean stuff in 10x03… That sense of wrongness and that they can sense something is off… Dean gives into revenge and is completely lost in that moment, all his humanity gone. He tries to gather it back for a moment in 9x23 but it makes him sick, and he gives in, calls Crowley, and doesn’t even eat, hasn’t slept since who knows when… Crowley knows he’s already pretty much over the precipice and just needs that liiittle shove. Anyway he needs that symbolic death and transformation to officially become demon!Dean but if you just treat him as demon!Dean in 9x23 it’s much easier and I just LOVE the unravelling of Dean through this episode. It’s so so beautifully done.

[canaryatlaw]

Alright well, today was pretty good. I know I was kind of brief last night since I wanted to get to bed, but the retreat was really nice. And I wasn't the youngest one there, there were two other girls around my age so I didn't feel weird about that. And there's a girl who graduated from one of the other law schools in the city in May and also does child law haha so I ended up talking to her for a while which was really nice. So today, we were told breakfast would be at 9, so I set my alarm for 8:45, and I wake up to an empty room, where there had been two other occupants during the night- two beds and an air mattress, with plenty of space. It was also like, frigid last night, and I didn't bring my sweater or anything with me so I wound up sleeping with my coat on, lol. Been a while since I've done that. Ah well. I got ready pretty quickly and went downstairs, not everyone was up yet and breakfast wasn't quite yet ready so we sat and talked for a while before getting breakfast. They had this blueberry French toast bake which I'm all about because that shit's like my favorite thing ever (I have an entire Pinterest board dedicate to it) and scrambled eggs with bacon and sausage, and fruit and such. So it was really good. Around 10:30 our "speaker" arrived, who was the family ministry (our official title, I guess it sounds better than kids) director at another church. She only spoke for like 45 minutes, and talked about caring for yourself while caring for others by focusing on God and taking care of your relational, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Afterwards they just wanted everyone to go have quiet time and just do whatever to spend time with God so I went back to the bedroom I slept in with my music (I've been perfecting an instrumental hymns station on pandora and we've made a lot of progress there) and just sat and journaled about just about everything, which seems kind of silly because I obviously write these long things every night, but I hadn't actually written in my physical journal since July, so I suppose I had a lot to catch up on. But I just talked about being exhausted with everything but still so in love with my work, and the issues I've been struggling with, especially with guys and finding the right one and trying to be so patient until that happens. I'd say it was pretty productive. I did that for over a solid hour, then just read from my bible till about 1:30 when we reconvened for lunch which was casual, it was like sandwiches but good quality stuff and they had a griddle out so you can like grill your sandwich which I did of course and it was pretty banging. I'm like, not a big sandwich person typically because I can be really picky about what I actually like on it (and I pretty much hate soft sandwich bread in any form) but when it's like good quality stuff it's like my favorite thing ever so it was highly enjoyable. After lunch we met up again and just kind of did a "deeper" check in as opposed to the one we did last night, just areas in your life where you feel like you're winning and those you feel like you're losing, and of course everyone got pretty deep with things but it was definitely very cathartic, that much you could tell. I just talked about how I'm at this weird place where I love so much of what's going on in my life but also struggling with being so incredibly burnt out, and that's not what I want for my life because I want this, I really do, but I have to figure out how to make it work for me on a physical and mental level so I'm not dragging the way I have been for the past month (though this week has been considerably better). And then I talked about not really finding a big group of friends in the city and how I'm alone a lot and while I can definitely appreciate it more than I once did, I definitely feel lonely for the kind of close companionship having best friends you see every day brings.8 felt like that was pretty good for me. After everyone finished we closed out in prayer and then we were done, so we packed up and headed out. I got a ride back with the same couple from yesterday who live in my neighborhood, along with a few other people who live further south so we dropped them off first then came up north and dropped me off. It was just a really nice weekend, I got to talk to so many nice people and I'm just really glad to have those relationships in my life that can hopefully grow into something more. During the car ride we were talking about food and I decided I wanted sushi for dinner, so I texted my roommate to see if she was around and she was, so shortly after I got back we walked down to a sushi place not far from us. It wasn't too crazy, Chicago in general was kind of nutty today because it's the unofficial St Patrick's day celebration (which is dumb because it's not till next Friday, it should be next Saturday) and people always go a little nuts, but thankfully there aren't all that many bars up by us so it was more contained. We had a very nice dinner, good sushi so it was highly enjoyable. We walked home after and decided to watch Moana because we had discussed doing so soon and I hadn't seen it yet, and I definitely loved that movie just as much as I expected to. Like, ah, it was so good in so many ways. I love Moana as a character, like, so much. She's amazing and she makes me so happy. I also loved how matriarchal it all was, and how nobody questioned that Moana would lead the village one day because she's the child of the chief, doesn't matter that she's a girl. That scene though where her mom sees her packing and realizes she's running off and just hugs her and let's her go I was like 😭😭😭 and then the climax was so beautifully handled, I loved it. So much female empowerment, and not a hint of romance which is amazing, especially for a Disney movie. So I definitely enjoyed that. It was still fairly early then so we decided to watch dr strange, which I never really had much of an interest in seeing for various reasons, but it was a marvel movie so I figured I should probably see it at some point for continuity purposes if he's going to show up in later movies. It was pretty good. Was it very strange to have Tilda Swinton as "the ancient one" when pretty much everyone around her beside Strange is a POC? Of for sure. But beyond that the story was pretty good, interesting villain and final resolution, as well as showing the way he developed his powers. I really liked Rachel McAdams character too, she was so overwhelmed when she was forced into these ridiculous situations haha but she handled it all like a champ. So that was good. When we finished with that I figured I should probably pack since I'm flying home tomorrow, so I did that and then got ready for bed and that's about it. The plan for tomorrow is to wake up at 8, be out the door by 8:45, be at the airport by 9:45 (probably won't take that long but I don't want to chance it with traffic) for my 10:45 flight. The sucky part is I have a long layover in Baltimore, and my plane to NY doesn't get in till 5:30, so I'll be hanging out there for a while. Ah well, could be worse. Excited to see my family of course, and I would like to get some sleep so I can enjoy seeing them for sure. So goodnight peeps. Hope you had an awesome Saturday.

[easiestwaytoloseweight]

Hydrating Foods for Warm Weather

It’s hot! Which means it’s easier than ever to get dehydrated. That can have consequences for your health and for your enjoyment of summer activities—exercising while dehydrated can result in dizziness and cramps, so it’s important to load up on hydrating foods. It can also effect your performance while you move: According to Human Kinetics, if you’re dehydrated as little as five percent, your workout’s “power output” can be reduced by 30 percent.

Staying hydrated can mean not just that your active summer activities are more fun, but also that your weight loss plan is more effective. One study published in the The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology &Metabolism found that when dieters drank two liters of water per day, they burned 400 extra calories each day—even if they didn’t change anything else. For men in the same study, those extra calories were specifically burned from belly fat.

You don’t have to actually drink a full two-liter to stay hydrated, though: You can get the water your body needs to function properly through hydrating foods. And, according to Science Daily, it can help you eat more while you lose: Scientists found that when people ate water-rich foods, they ate fewer calories without reducing the overall sizes of their meals.

Summer Weight Loss Motivation: Realistic Tips for Keeping Your Beach Body

Read More

Here are 11 hydrating foods for warm weather activities:

1. Strawberries

Water content: 90%

One 50-calorie cup of strawberries can help lower your cholesterol and reduce your risk for diseases including cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. They also raise your risk of having a totally delicious summer. Try blitzing them into this Strawberry Mint Smoothie >, mixing them into Strawberry Popsicles >, or using them to top a refreshing Summer Salad >

2. Pineapple

Water content: 86%

Pineapple’s sweetness is suprisingly low-calorie: One cup has just 82 calories. But those 82 deliver 100 percent of your daily Vitamin C, as well as bromelain, an enzyme that can help you digest your meals more easily. Enjoy fresh rings or chunks, or for a sweet, refreshing treat that’s like a time-traveling trip back to childhood, try this simple, two-ingredient Pineapple Whip recipe >

3. Cucumbers

Water content: 95%

Cucumbers are one of the lowest-calorie foods you can find—clocking in at just 8 calories per cup. But low-calorie does not mean they’re low on flavor: Cukes are the ultimate way to deliver a refreshing, hydrating flavor to your barbecue guests. Whether it’s mixed into this Zesty Cucumber and Dill Salad >, whipped into this Greek-inspired 5-ingredient Cucumber Dill Dip >, or as the surprising base for a cucumber cup appetizer, you’ll be keeping your guests—and yourself—hydrated, full and satisfied.

6 Summer Slim-Down Foods That Help You Lose Weight

Read More

4. Skim Milk

Water content: 91%

When it’s skim, it’s almost all water. For non-dieting milk lovers, that can be a turnoff. But in the heat of summer, it makes skim a great, hydrating way to enjoy 9 grams of protein per cup when making a refreshing, cool-down smoothie— like this frothy, icy Lemon Cooler shake >. It’s summer perfection!

5. Zucchini

Water content: 94%

If you’re already a “zoodle” lover, this one’s a slam dunk. But for the uninitiated, here’s a crash course: By using a spiralizer, you can turn zucchini into “noodles” that freshen up vegetable dishes with a pasta-like eating experience that you’ll love. The great news for summer: Zoodles don’t have to be cooked! In a recipe like these Vegetarian Meatballs with Zucchini Noodles >, you can let the sauce warm up the raw zoodles to get the most hydration from the veggies with the least amount of labor—perfect for a quick summer dinner.

6. Oranges

Water content: 87%

There’s a reason these slices are on the sideline of every soccer game at the half: Oranges keep are a top pick for hydrating foods! But they also bring other nutrients along—like potassium, one of the electrolytes that’s lost when you sweat. So have your own slices on hand, or go for a more grown-up taste this summer: This 101-calorie Orange Carrot Ginger Smoothie > is a sweet, vitamin-rich, and refreshing glass that’s perfect for breakfast or for a late day snack on any hot day.

7. Celery

Water content: 95%

Here’s another potassium powerhouse: One cup of chopped celery has the same amount of the heart-healthy nutrient that you’d get from half a banana—but for just 14 tiny calories. But those little cals help beef up your favorite cool summer salads, from pasta dishes to chicken salad. Here’s a new favorite: Chop some celery to combine with another water-rich summer staple—watermelon—for this surprising, sweet and protein-packed Watermelon Chicken Salad > Sounds weird, tastes amazing!

7 Warm Weather Weight Loss Blunders to Avoid

Read More

8. Tomatoes

Water content: 94%

Lycopene, a powerful antioxidant in tomatoes, may help lower your risk of stroke and certain cancers, according to Science Daily. And the redder your tomatoes are, the more lycopene they have—meaning summer is the healthiest time to eat ‘em. One surprising way to change up your tomato game: Add asparagus to the traditional Caprese Salad > for a fresh taste that feels luxurious—and adds a satisfying crunch to this staple summer side.

9. Edamame

Water content: 72%

This one’s surprising: With such a meaty texture, edamame doesn’t seem watery. But it’s got that hydration, and much more: like 18.46 grams of belly-filling, muscle-building protein per cup, and more potassium than you’ll get from two whole bananas. That’s good news in the heat, since eating more potassium can help reduce blood pressure risk, as well as your risk of stroke, according to the National Federation of Professional Trainers.

10. Carrots

Water content: 88%

Spending a few minutes turning a bag of raw carrots into pre-portioned, snack-ready containers or bags won’t just give you a low-calorie, high-fiber, water-rich source of food for when you get peckish. The act of cutting those carrots may also help you eat healthier overall: Those were the findings of one study, where more time spend on food prep was associated with healthier eating habits—and, as a bonus, with saving money on food. So you’ll be hydrated, feel full, and have fat where you want it—in your wallet.

11. Blueberries

Water content: 84%

What says summer like a cup of sweet, ripe blueberries (one of our favorite hydrating foods)? And they’re not just super good, but a superfood: Blueberries reduce the risk of heart attack in women by 33 percent, improve your memory, and can help widen your arteries so blood flows smoother. Have them fresh, or enjoy your blues in the smoothest way possible: As part of this super-simple, 5-ingredient homemade Blueberry Lemon Ice Cream Sundae >

*All water content percentages taken from the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA).

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[mytherapistsays-blog]

One Week Challenge: 10 Step K-Beauty Skincare Routine

One Week Challenge: 10 Step K-Beauty Skincare Routine ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/one-week-challenge-10-step-k-beauty-skincare-routine/

Skincare: it is so damn hard. It can also take up tons of time in your day! The Korean beauty industry swears by a ten-step skincare routine (which can take upwards of 30 minutes). I’m here to test it out, see the benefits and if it’s worth it to spend so much time, energy, effort, and cash on your skincare. Everyone’s skin is so different, the thing I love about this challenge is how the products are all customizable to you, you can focus on clarifying, brightening, moisturizing, or really anything that your skin needs. Skin can change based on hormones, eating habits, drinking habits, and more.  Basically, there are four different (very broad) skin types, normal, dry, oily, and combination. I fall under combination which means that my pores on my t-zone can be an issue, I have minor random breakouts, I get oily on my t-zone but can get rough dry patches in other places – basically, my skin is all over the place!  This routine is great because when my skin is oily I can focus on that, but when my skin is dry I can also focus on that!

My interest in Korean skincare sprouted from when I was searching the internet to find some cool sheet masks (I will write an article to review the 10 different masks I ordered once they arrive). I stumbled upon Soko Glam, a Korean skincare site which makes Korean skincare accessible to people around the world! Sephora does have some k-beauty brands – but definitely not the whole roster which is what makes Soko so amazing.

While stalking the website I stumbled upon something amazing, the 10-step Korean skincare routine. This got me super intrigued, I realized that I was missing MANY steps in my skincare and that I could be doing so much more for my skin! I did not know how much of a lengthy process this would be though. Almost immediately when I was late to my fave workout class (they didn’t let me in and I got sad/stressed) I ran to Sephora to pick up some all new products to incorporate in my new ten step routine. I had a rough day at work and needed some retail therapy, don’t judge me! I grabbed everything I was missing to complete this routine and am challenging myself to try out this routine for 7 days straight.  I will see how I feel (skin wise and otherwise) and I will let you know if this is something I’m going to stick with or not at the end, and if it’s worth it to try this challenge out for yourself!

I did my research, read this article from Soko Glam, spoke with a Sephora rep. at the store and told her about what I would be doing, and came to the conclusion that I needed a toner, essence, some new moisturizer, sheet masks (which I ordered on Soko), and I needed to figure out my cleansing situation. Now I will take you through my routine, and give you a little weekly progress report.

1. Makeup Remover/Oil Cleanser

There is a reason this has 120k loves on Sephora, the Green Clean Makeup Removing Cleansing Balm by Farmacy is super amazing. I am the type of girl who usually sticks with a makeup wipe from Neutrogena and MAYBE a cleanser or cleansing mask if I’m feeling it (usually not in the morning, and usually not when I’m too tired at night, so I would say about two nights a week – otherwise I just use the wipe – I know, I’m so bad). The cleansing situation is probably the biggest change to my routine but I am loving it. This cleansing balm is so nice and feels so luxurious on the skin but is also super powerful at scrubbing all my makeup away! I had waterproof mascara on and this did the trick almost instantly. It left my skin feeling refreshed and awesome, it smells great too.

2. Water Based Cleanser

Here I actually use a Korean skincare brand! I have been using Glow Recipe’s Blueberry Bounce Gentle Cleanser for a while now – and I am truly here for it. It normally sits in my shower waiting for me to wash my face in there – but now it’s getting used more often so it’s made its way to my vanity! Mazel Tov cleanser, I’m so proud of you.

3. Exfoliate

For exfoliating I’m gonna alternate between an exfoliating mask (Summer Fridays Overtime Mask) which I have been obsessed with for some time now, and these NuFace exfoliating and cleansing wipes. I think I will use the mask every other night, and the wipes every morning and on the nights when I don’t use the mask. The mask smells so good and really leaves skin super exfoliated but also super-nourished, smooth, and soft.  The wipes are so amazing because I love how when I use them I can actually see the leftover makeup that I’m picking from on my skin (that would have been left behind if I missed this step so thanks K-beauty routine). The wipes also have a really nice light exfoliation as they just have these tiny little bumps on one side of the wipe, it feels really nice on the skin.

4. Toner

One of the new products I’m incorporating is the Ren Ready Steady Glow AHA Tonic, I just got this at Sephora and have been loving it. It smells super fruity and refreshing, but I can tell it’s really getting into my skin with some chemical exfoliation and some PH balancing. I finished my Glossier Solution and moved on to this – unfortunately, this took the cake and beat out my love and devotion for all things Glossier.  I still love Glossier and I am incorporating one of their products in the line-up, but for toner, this stuff really gets the dirty shit out of your skin and leaves you with the perfect base for the rest of your skincare.  Even after my 3 cleansing steps, I find that there is still some makeup/dirt residue picked up by this toner.

5. Essence

I had just recently purchased the Tatcha essence and have become obsessed. The effect it had on my skin within – I kid you not – days is outstanding. I now cannot go without this in my skincare routine, it keeps my skin plump, smooth, and super hydrated but also I’ve noticed that I get less oily throughout the day when I use this! You don’t put it on with a cotton pad (i thought that was how you did it and I wasted a ton of money on the SKII essence by using it this way and it did nothing for me).

6. Treatment/Serum

The good thing about treatments and serums is that you can mix them, layer them, and use this step to really personalize your skincare routine to exactly what your skin needs that day. The ones that I’ll probably focus mostly on during this little k-beauty challenge are the Sunday Riley Good Genes, the Glow Recipe Pineapple C Brightening Serum, the Youth to the People Superberry Hydrate and Glow Oil, and the First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Oat & Cannabis Sativa Seed Oil. I’ve been using all these before and find they really work and do exactly what they claim to do! This way I can mix and match and say if I want to clear up my skin but not dry it out I can mix Good Genes with the Ultra Repair Cannabis Oil.

7. Sheet Mask

So as I mentioned, I ordered a bunch of Korean sheet masks online, still waiting for those to come so in the meantime I have been using what I have stashed away at home. I have a few of the Farmacy Hydrating & Brightening masks, as well as the Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Jelly Sheet Mask, and the Saturday Skin Cotton Cloud Probiotic Power Mask. These all are pretty good for me, I love the jelly masks more than the cotton ones because I find they absorb into the skin more and leave my skin feeling bouncy and plump!

8. Eye Cream

So here we go Glossier, your time to shine. I picked up the Glossier bubble wrap (made my mom and sis walk back to the Glossier flagship in the pouring rain to get this after I forgot it because I’m annoying AF and I love Glossier) on a recent trip to New York and have ever since been obsessed. It’s bouncy and super hydrating so good job Glossier! This step is so soothing, and sometimes I’ll use a jade roller to de-puff my eyes even more.

9. Moisturizer

I have been loving the Protini moisturizer from Drunk Elephant recently, it is so fresh and dewy, super moisturizing, and I also find it evens my skin tone out a little bit as well. All around amazing. I also think it clears up some acne or at least makes acne less frequent on my face! When I reach this step in the routine I am so happy because I’m replenishing the moisture, but also it means that my routine is coming to an end!

10. SPF

This is the only thing in my routine that differs from morning to night, I don’t put any SPF on at night. When I use SPF in the morning I am obsessed with the Supergoop City Serum because it’s a sunscreen but also has some amazing nutrients for your skin in it as well. I always find sunscreen to feel weird on my face and pill up under makeup, but this one sinks in right away and is amazing! I haven’t gotten sunburnt since using this so I would give it a 10/10 rating.

  Now onto the routine, let’s see how this goes…

DAY #1

I was honestly really excited to start this little challenge out, I love skincare and was really excited to extend my routine. The one thing I realized on day one was exactly how long a ten-step skincare routine takes (and it’s pretty damn long). For most steps of the routine, I like to wait a few minutes in between to let the skincare really sink in, but once you add two minutes between each step you’re already at a twenty-minute routine! In between steps I’ll brush my teeth, brush and/or style my hair, and maybe watch a little bit of Game of Thrones.

After doing the routine both in the morning and at night I can honestly tell you that my skin has never felt better. I love how clean my skin feels, but it also is SO nourished because of all the time and products being lathered on. The time thing may take some getting used to, but as of right now it is so worth it.

DAY #3

Okay – so I started this whole routine out on the weekend, but now it’s the week, and I have work (I have to be at the office at 7:30 am some days).  I am NOT a morning person, so waking up an extra thirty minutes early just for skincare is really pushing it for me. I had to rush through my routine this morning and not take breaks between each step. The routine did not feel as nourishing mentally or physically but at least I got it done! My skin is radiant though, even my mom noticed! So that’s a plus.

I have to say though, taking thirty minutes of my night to do skincare is probably the most relaxing part of my day! Self-care is so important and I really feel like when I take the time to do this ten-step skincare routine it nourishes my ‘self’ and allows me to take a minute to reflect on my day! I LOVE the nighttime part, but the morning routine is tiring.

DAY #5

My skin has never been like this! I’ve always had decent skin, minimal breakouts, I get oily by the end of the day, sometimes have some dry spots in the winter, but otherwise, I’ve never been very upset with my skin. This routine though is adding things to my skin that I didn’t realize I was missing! I never noticed how textured my skin was on my forehead and chin until I realized that the texture was almost gone! My pores have never been so discreet, and the elasticity of my skin is so amazing! Makeup goes on like it never has before, but I’ve really been able to keep my makeup minimal because my skin is so radiant on its own!

I’ve gotten over my early morning grudge because the results are to die for! I’m also trying to incorporate more self-care into my routine if I’m going to be set out so much time for this skincare routine I may as well get some other benefits too! I have added in jade rolling consistently between step 6 and 7, I do deep breathing exercises while letting my good genes treatment dry on my face, and I’ve also incorporated some self talk into the routine and try to say 3 things I like about myself while cleansing, and then while my sheet mask is on in the morning I’ll say 3 things that I’m looking forward to for my day and at night I’ll say 3 things I’m grateful for from my day. I also use essential oil with my diffuser and keep this on in the bathroom while I complete my routine.

DAY #7

So today is my last day of the challenge, but I’ve decided that I am most definitely going to extend it. Once I got over the early morning hump I realized how important it is to take time when I wake up and before I go to bed for myself. Doing skincare is great because it gives you a break from your phone and lets you look in the mirror and focus on the good! I’ve found that my routine is not only amazing for my skin, but the results in my mental health, stress, and confidence are stellar as well. Even if you don’t have the time to do the full ten step routine, try to set out a morning and night routine for yourself, and include some self-care aspects into your skincare routine. Consistency is key, and your skin and mind will for sure see benefits!

[mytherapistsays-blog]

One Week Challenge: 10 Step K-Beauty Skincare Routine

One Week Challenge: 10 Step K-Beauty Skincare Routine ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/one-week-challenge-10-step-k-beauty-skincare-routine/

Skincare: it is so damn hard. It can also take up tons of time in your day! The Korean beauty industry swears by a ten-step skincare routine (which can take upwards of 30 minutes). I’m here to test it out, see the benefits and if it’s worth it to spend so much time, energy, effort, and cash on your skincare. Everyone’s skin is so different, the thing I love about this challenge is how the products are all customizable to you, you can focus on clarifying, brightening, moisturizing, or really anything that your skin needs. Skin can change based on hormones, eating habits, drinking habits, and more.  Basically, there are four different (very broad) skin types, normal, dry, oily, and combination. I fall under combination which means that my pores on my t-zone can be an issue, I have minor random breakouts, I get oily on my t-zone but can get rough dry patches in other places – basically, my skin is all over the place!  This routine is great because when my skin is oily I can focus on that, but when my skin is dry I can also focus on that!

My interest in Korean skincare sprouted from when I was searching the internet to find some cool sheet masks (I will write an article to review the 10 different masks I ordered once they arrive). I stumbled upon Soko Glam, a Korean skincare site which makes Korean skincare accessible to people around the world! Sephora does have some k-beauty brands – but definitely not the whole roster which is what makes Soko so amazing.

While stalking the website I stumbled upon something amazing, the 10-step Korean skincare routine. This got me super intrigued, I realized that I was missing MANY steps in my skincare and that I could be doing so much more for my skin! I did not know how much of a lengthy process this would be though. Almost immediately when I was late to my fave workout class (they didn’t let me in and I got sad/stressed) I ran to Sephora to pick up some all new products to incorporate in my new ten step routine. I had a rough day at work and needed some retail therapy, don’t judge me! I grabbed everything I was missing to complete this routine and am challenging myself to try out this routine for 7 days straight.  I will see how I feel (skin wise and otherwise) and I will let you know if this is something I’m going to stick with or not at the end, and if it’s worth it to try this challenge out for yourself!

I did my research, read this article from Soko Glam, spoke with a Sephora rep. at the store and told her about what I would be doing, and came to the conclusion that I needed a toner, essence, some new moisturizer, sheet masks (which I ordered on Soko), and I needed to figure out my cleansing situation. Now I will take you through my routine, and give you a little weekly progress report.

1. Makeup Remover/Oil Cleanser

There is a reason this has 120k loves on Sephora, the Green Clean Makeup Removing Cleansing Balm by Farmacy is super amazing. I am the type of girl who usually sticks with a makeup wipe from Neutrogena and MAYBE a cleanser or cleansing mask if I’m feeling it (usually not in the morning, and usually not when I’m too tired at night, so I would say about two nights a week – otherwise I just use the wipe – I know, I’m so bad). The cleansing situation is probably the biggest change to my routine but I am loving it. This cleansing balm is so nice and feels so luxurious on the skin but is also super powerful at scrubbing all my makeup away! I had waterproof mascara on and this did the trick almost instantly. It left my skin feeling refreshed and awesome, it smells great too.

2. Water Based Cleanser

Here I actually use a Korean skincare brand! I have been using Glow Recipe’s Blueberry Bounce Gentle Cleanser for a while now – and I am truly here for it. It normally sits in my shower waiting for me to wash my face in there – but now it’s getting used more often so it’s made its way to my vanity! Mazel Tov cleanser, I’m so proud of you.

3. Exfoliate

For exfoliating I’m gonna alternate between an exfoliating mask (Summer Fridays Overtime Mask) which I have been obsessed with for some time now, and these NuFace exfoliating and cleansing wipes. I think I will use the mask every other night, and the wipes every morning and on the nights when I don’t use the mask. The mask smells so good and really leaves skin super exfoliated but also super-nourished, smooth, and soft.  The wipes are so amazing because I love how when I use them I can actually see the leftover makeup that I’m picking from on my skin (that would have been left behind if I missed this step so thanks K-beauty routine). The wipes also have a really nice light exfoliation as they just have these tiny little bumps on one side of the wipe, it feels really nice on the skin.

4. Toner

One of the new products I’m incorporating is the Ren Ready Steady Glow AHA Tonic, I just got this at Sephora and have been loving it. It smells super fruity and refreshing, but I can tell it’s really getting into my skin with some chemical exfoliation and some PH balancing. I finished my Glossier Solution and moved on to this – unfortunately, this took the cake and beat out my love and devotion for all things Glossier.  I still love Glossier and I am incorporating one of their products in the line-up, but for toner, this stuff really gets the dirty shit out of your skin and leaves you with the perfect base for the rest of your skincare.  Even after my 3 cleansing steps, I find that there is still some makeup/dirt residue picked up by this toner.

5. Essence

I had just recently purchased the Tatcha essence and have become obsessed. The effect it had on my skin within – I kid you not – days is outstanding. I now cannot go without this in my skincare routine, it keeps my skin plump, smooth, and super hydrated but also I’ve noticed that I get less oily throughout the day when I use this! You don’t put it on with a cotton pad (i thought that was how you did it and I wasted a ton of money on the SKII essence by using it this way and it did nothing for me).

6. Treatment/Serum

The good thing about treatments and serums is that you can mix them, layer them, and use this step to really personalize your skincare routine to exactly what your skin needs that day. The ones that I’ll probably focus mostly on during this little k-beauty challenge are the Sunday Riley Good Genes, the Glow Recipe Pineapple C Brightening Serum, the Youth to the People Superberry Hydrate and Glow Oil, and the First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Oat & Cannabis Sativa Seed Oil. I’ve been using all these before and find they really work and do exactly what they claim to do! This way I can mix and match and say if I want to clear up my skin but not dry it out I can mix Good Genes with the Ultra Repair Cannabis Oil.

7. Sheet Mask

So as I mentioned, I ordered a bunch of Korean sheet masks online, still waiting for those to come so in the meantime I have been using what I have stashed away at home. I have a few of the Farmacy Hydrating & Brightening masks, as well as the Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Jelly Sheet Mask, and the Saturday Skin Cotton Cloud Probiotic Power Mask. These all are pretty good for me, I love the jelly masks more than the cotton ones because I find they absorb into the skin more and leave my skin feeling bouncy and plump!

8. Eye Cream

So here we go Glossier, your time to shine. I picked up the Glossier bubble wrap (made my mom and sis walk back to the Glossier flagship in the pouring rain to get this after I forgot it because I’m annoying AF and I love Glossier) on a recent trip to New York and have ever since been obsessed. It’s bouncy and super hydrating so good job Glossier! This step is so soothing, and sometimes I’ll use a jade roller to de-puff my eyes even more.

9. Moisturizer

I have been loving the Protini moisturizer from Drunk Elephant recently, it is so fresh and dewy, super moisturizing, and I also find it evens my skin tone out a little bit as well. All around amazing. I also think it clears up some acne or at least makes acne less frequent on my face! When I reach this step in the routine I am so happy because I’m replenishing the moisture, but also it means that my routine is coming to an end!

10. SPF

This is the only thing in my routine that differs from morning to night, I don’t put any SPF on at night. When I use SPF in the morning I am obsessed with the Supergoop City Serum because it’s a sunscreen but also has some amazing nutrients for your skin in it as well. I always find sunscreen to feel weird on my face and pill up under makeup, but this one sinks in right away and is amazing! I haven’t gotten sunburnt since using this so I would give it a 10/10 rating.

  Now onto the routine, let’s see how this goes…

DAY #1

I was honestly really excited to start this little challenge out, I love skincare and was really excited to extend my routine. The one thing I realized on day one was exactly how long a ten-step skincare routine takes (and it’s pretty damn long). For most steps of the routine, I like to wait a few minutes in between to let the skincare really sink in, but once you add two minutes between each step you’re already at a twenty-minute routine! In between steps I’ll brush my teeth, brush and/or style my hair, and maybe watch a little bit of Game of Thrones.

After doing the routine both in the morning and at night I can honestly tell you that my skin has never felt better. I love how clean my skin feels, but it also is SO nourished because of all the time and products being lathered on. The time thing may take some getting used to, but as of right now it is so worth it.

DAY #3

Okay – so I started this whole routine out on the weekend, but now it’s the week, and I have work (I have to be at the office at 7:30 am some days).  I am NOT a morning person, so waking up an extra thirty minutes early just for skincare is really pushing it for me. I had to rush through my routine this morning and not take breaks between each step. The routine did not feel as nourishing mentally or physically but at least I got it done! My skin is radiant though, even my mom noticed! So that’s a plus.

I have to say though, taking thirty minutes of my night to do skincare is probably the most relaxing part of my day! Self-care is so important and I really feel like when I take the time to do this ten-step skincare routine it nourishes my ‘self’ and allows me to take a minute to reflect on my day! I LOVE the nighttime part, but the morning routine is tiring.

DAY #5

My skin has never been like this! I’ve always had decent skin, minimal breakouts, I get oily by the end of the day, sometimes have some dry spots in the winter, but otherwise, I’ve never been very upset with my skin. This routine though is adding things to my skin that I didn’t realize I was missing! I never noticed how textured my skin was on my forehead and chin until I realized that the texture was almost gone! My pores have never been so discreet, and the elasticity of my skin is so amazing! Makeup goes on like it never has before, but I’ve really been able to keep my makeup minimal because my skin is so radiant on its own!

I’ve gotten over my early morning grudge because the results are to die for! I’m also trying to incorporate more self-care into my routine if I’m going to be set out so much time for this skincare routine I may as well get some other benefits too! I have added in jade rolling consistently between step 6 and 7, I do deep breathing exercises while letting my good genes treatment dry on my face, and I’ve also incorporated some self talk into the routine and try to say 3 things I like about myself while cleansing, and then while my sheet mask is on in the morning I’ll say 3 things that I’m looking forward to for my day and at night I’ll say 3 things I’m grateful for from my day. I also use essential oil with my diffuser and keep this on in the bathroom while I complete my routine.

DAY #7

So today is my last day of the challenge, but I’ve decided that I am most definitely going to extend it. Once I got over the early morning hump I realized how important it is to take time when I wake up and before I go to bed for myself. Doing skincare is great because it gives you a break from your phone and lets you look in the mirror and focus on the good! I’ve found that my routine is not only amazing for my skin, but the results in my mental health, stress, and confidence are stellar as well. Even if you don’t have the time to do the full ten step routine, try to set out a morning and night routine for yourself, and include some self-care aspects into your skincare routine. Consistency is key, and your skin and mind will for sure see benefits!

[canaryatlaw]

alright. so today was overall pretty good. I woke up to my alarm at 10:15 because I was scheduled to get a call from the DV clinic about potentially interning there for a while at 10:30. So I more or less just got myself to wake up until they called. It was fine, mostly what I knew already, going over what the responsibilities would be and how I could get to court and all that good stuff. I was going to ask if there was a possibility it would lead to a long term job, but I was never given the opportunity to ask questions lol which I’m sure was an accidental oversight on their part, but they did say that they hoped to have all their hiring done by the end of June, so that sounded somewhat promising. I told them I’d keep them updated about news on the New York job and how that may affect me going back to NY, but I could potentially work through the end of June. So that was good. After the call I tried to go back to sleep because I’m lazy and I like sleep, but it wasn’t happening, so I got up and made blueberry pancakes being that I was out of m&ms and other suitable chocolate substitutes. I tried to make the batter a little thicker than I had previously so it would be able to support the blueberries more and not just fall apart, and it worked pretty well and there weren’t any uncooked middle parts which is generally my fear with thicker batter so that I was pleased about. I had cut down on how much batter I actually made, so it only made about three small to medium sized pancakes but that was a solid breakfast. After eating I decided I should get a jump on going to the store since I had the phone interview later, so I got ready and grabbed my cart and walked down to the grocery store. Just stocking up on some essentials like eggs and milk and getting some random stuff (like more m&ms) I needed for one reason or another. Didn't take too long, got checked out and the cashier gave me 17 of the little monopoly game pieces, which I’m pretty sure was way too many for how much I actually bought, but I mean I wasn’t complaining lol. Idk if I’ve mentioned it before, but the grocery store in connection with a bunch of other grocery stores in different states is doing the huge monopoly give away game like the one they did at McDonald’s a million years ago if you remember that, you get game pieces based on how much you spend, and each little piece has 4 property pieces, and if you get all the property pieces for a certain section of the monopoly board you win a prize. So she gave me 17 of them (I counted) and they had 4 each in them, which means I now had 68 new game pieces lol. I got back from the store and started to work on putting my civil rights final info together (as in what to take into the open book final). I had tried to upload some outlines to the outline depot site I was talking about so I could download some, but the ones I had hadn’t been approved yet, so I figured I’d wait until tomorrow to see if they can get approved so I could get the outline. Otherwise I could pay $20 for it, which kind of seems like a lot, but in reality it’s in line with what Quimbee and such would charge for their outlines. Once I had established that, I went through my case briefs and did some editing, just so everything lined up all nice and pretty and deleted some extraneous information, and I managed to cut it down from 66 pages to 58, so that was good. I then added page numbers to the table of contents I had made for each section and case. Once I had all that done I printed both docs, which took a lot of printing obviously, the amount of trees I’ve killed in the name of open book exams is....plentiful, at this point. I pulled a binder out of my closet (where everyone keeps their binders, you know) along with the massive three hole punch I acquired somewhere along the way (love that thing) and set it all up in the binder. At 4 I got the phone call for the longer phone interview, which ended up lasting about 50 minutes. Lots of questions, most of them going along the lines of “can you give me an example of a time when blah blah blah” meaning I had to come up with a story and I am the worst at doing that, but I feel like i managed to come up with mostly true stories, and the more fabricated ones were at least based on fact, so I was more or less satisfied with that. They said the next step was they were going to select like 2 or 3 final candidates and have them interview with their full team, so we’ll see where it goes with that. not gonna lie, I have somewhat of a feeling of dread regarding the job, just because I’m worried that I would be bored out of my mind, but I mean, it’d be a job and it’d be here, which is good....I have mixed feelings, obviously. but we’ll have to see where that goes. Hopefully I’ll have an answer on the NY job before I hear back from them so I’ll at least have a better idea of where I stand with that. After the phone call I spent an absurdly long time putting all the monopoly pieces on the board, lol. The game has been going on for months now, so I have like 3 out of 4 pieces for a lot of the different prize spaces, but of course the thing is they make 3 of them fairly common and just make very few of the last one. But hey, it’s fun, so it’s all good. When I finished up with that I looked at remedies flashcards for about 5 minutes before deciding I wanted to bake cupcakes instead. I had the cake mix I bought last week, but I wasn’t exactly wanting to bake 24 cupcakes, so I decided to get clever divide the necessary ingredients to make a smaller portion. the recipe called for 3 eggs, and since you can’t really divide eggs as well as other ingredients, I figured I’d do 1/3 of the recipe, so 8 cupcakes. so I used my super handy kitchen scale to weigh the cake mix (it was 15.6 oz) and then measure out 1/3 of that (5.2 oz), then mix it with one egg, and a third of the amounts of oil and water. A few times previously I had tried some of the pinterest suggestions for making boxed cake mixes better, mainly like add an extra egg, swap the oil for melted butter and double it (no, really) and use milk instead of water, but in my experience the cake would come out of the oven looking really great and puffy, then literally right away it would just shrink into it self and not be fluffy at all, lol. it still tasted great, but felt kinda heavy, so I decided to not do that. I had to run out of my building and get my amazon package off the front porch, because I had just ordered a new cookie dough scoop since I managed to somehow break my old one, which wasn't actually working well at all anyway, so that wasn’t much of a loss. But I used the scoop to divide out the batter, which was fairly mess free and worked well. Box said 12-17 minutes for cupcakes, I checked after 12 and they were good to go, so I let them cool while I ate some dinner. I had grabbed a rotisserie chicken from the store earlier and had stowed it in the oven for a while so it stayed warm, then kind of ate some of it throughout the afternoon. By the time I sat down in front of the tv it was 7:20, at which point I realized Supergirl started 20 minutes ago and I’m very bad at this whole watching tv shows live thing. So I started the episode from the beginning. It was interesting, probably one of the better episodes lately, so that’s good. The Sam and Lena stuff is getting very interesting, and I know I said this last week but everything Lena is doing is so VERY Luthor, not even in an evil way, but like Lex would do very similar things on Smallville long before he turned evil and back when he was actually a good guy. It’s just very in tune with how their family handles things. I feel so bad for Sam. she’s in such a hard position of course, and I feel like one way or another this season is gonna end in heartbreak. The Supergirl and Imra stuff I was kinda meh on, mostly because I don’t fully agree with Kara’s no kill policy, like if you can avoid it sure but it’s not always going to be avoidable and I could definitely see where Imra was coming on this one. Mon-El was meh, but what else is new. But yeah, overall not bad. I went straight into watching The Resident afterwards, which churned out another excellent episode. ah, it was all just so good with them dealing with their colleague who was suddenly in a dire state, and how they worked so hard to find the actual best way to save him. I totally loved the subplot with Mina and the new doctor, I love Mina so fucking much haha she’s totally brilliant and she knows it and I LOVE HER SO MUCH. That plot was pure hilarity, I very much hope the doctor guy chooses to stick around. All of the stuff with Nic was getting pretty creepy, but we’ve known that was the direction they were heading in since they’re up to some super sketchy stuff. The whole grocery confrontation thing was.....weird, very weird, but I guess it served its purpose of being creepy. After that I tried to get my roommate’s apple tv to work so I could watch Westworld, but it was not cooperating, so I decided to frost the cupcakes instead. I had gotten an icing bag a while back I wanted to try using, but it was being uncooperative and not letting me actually get the icing to the tip of it and I eventually just gave up and iced one cupcake by hand and figured I’d get to the rest of them when I actually want to eat them. So I ate the cupcake and some frosting out of the can because that shit’s good. I didn't want to jump into a long GoT episode, so I watched more of A Series of Unfortunate Events just as a filler show even though it hasn’t been my favorite lately. I think it somewhat has to deal with me not liking Neil Patrick Harris in this role?? Like I’ve always liked him before this but in this show he just kinda grates on me, and not in the way that like a good villain was, he just feels kind of ridiculous to me, even in a show that contains a lot of ridiculousness, it’s just not working for me. I do love the kids of course, they’re brilliant and lovely and even though I know this is the entire premise of the show I feel myself growing increasing frustrated that they still don’t have a safe place to live, which again I KNOW is the point of the show, but like, it’s getting old for me. So we’ll see how much longer I end up sticking with the show. After an episode of that I started to get ready for bed and now I’m here. Tomorrow I have an “evaluation” appointment with a new PT guy at a new PT place (it’s the same company as my old one, and it’s not even very far apart, they’re literally referred to as the [neighborhood name] North and [neighborhood name] South clinics, so it’s not that big of a change really. I’m getting moved to this one because they apparently have a person trained in the type of PT the doctor wanted me to try, so I guess we’ll see what comes of this. I should be doing better with my home exercises, so maybe this will help motivate me with that. and yeah, other than that I’ll hopefully get a civil rights outline and prep the rest of my stuff for the final on Wednesday, should be good. Alright, that’s all for now. Goodnight peeps. Stay chill.