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stardewitagain · 5 years ago

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It is time!!!

I’ve finally emptied out the inbox! And because it’s around the time for religious excuses to miss work and school winter celebrations, I’ve made y’all a gift of my own! I have a list of weird things I’ve said/heard over the years and thought “hey wouldn’t it be funny if I did a ‘stardew characters as these’ thing?” So here it is! ALL stardew characters as weird things I’ve heard! Happy holidays, kiddos!

(Note: all characters are sorted by alphabet)

Abigail: my dad slept through it all cuz he’s a bitch

Alex: I hit myself in the face with a dog earlier. It wasn't my dog.

Bouncer: He’s six years old he’s lived his life

Caroline: Do you want to shit fucking tide pods?

Clint: He says “happy birthday! Here’s your gift!” And hands me his half eaten poptart

Dwarf: ...and then just beats him with a trash can

Demetrius: Do your nipples need glasses too?

Elliott: If there’s a wasp you’ll see me do the most beautiful rain dance you’ve ever seen to get away from it

Elliott’s crab: Bandit One-Nipple

Emily: Ooh who she? She purty! Oh wait that’s me- (bonus: ...and it ended with her wearing 20 shirts, 7 pairs of skinny jeans, and 5 potatoes.)

Evelyn: My dog smells like concentrated grandma

Farmer: I am only emotionally prepared to give you a pineapple

George: Oh Jesus I forgot about the sausages (bonus: oh great, I got special arthritis!)

Gil: It’s hard to work with hairy metal

Governor: Stard

Grandpa: I thought you said “I have the coolest drugs in the world” and I was like “yes you do, Alec”

Gunther: I didn’t forget horses, they are just pants

Gus: i don’t even know where north dakota is, is it the beans?

Haley: Would I give you cooties for being a lesbian?

Harvey: ^ idk, it might cancel out because we’re both gay

Henchman: I'll throw a pineapple so quick you'll think you've been shot

Jas: Mom, will you hand me a chicken tender by putting it between my toes?

Jodi: I like how you just came in here and looked us in the eyes like you didn’t just spray half a can of whipped cream into a taco shell (bonus: YOU DONT PUT SODA IN A BURRITO)

Kent: I’d like to think that was the moment when [Jodi]’s mom looked at me and said “I hope that guy dates my daughter someday. That guy who’s wearing 100 shirts and eating yogurt.”

Krobus: Dinner time does not account for cannibalism, please don’t kill each other

Leah: I’m a hipster today, would you like to ask about my vegan Prius

Lewis: Diet Coke tastes like bandaids and mashed potatoes

Linus: Do not look at me or I will die

Marlon: These are our TVs and our tater tots and they’re not having either one

Marnie: We named one of our dodos “Emergency Chicken Thighs” and he’s stuck floating in mid air and we don’t know how to get him down

Maru: (trying to remember the word for therapist) “hang on...it’s not a booty call...”

Morris: That’s what rich people smell like: pickles and salt (bonus: “what’s this smell?” “The greed of the rich.”)

Mr. Qi: it’s rock o’clock

Pam: Yes but I only have no hands

Penny: Do not make me turn this library around

Pierre: There’s not enough butter on the rolls until your house is on fire

Robin: put the feet in the trash

Sam: “We need a garbage hole...what else would you call it?” “...a trash can?” “...I forgot that’s a word” (bonus: you wrote a bible! For the garbage hole!)

Sandy: “That’s what they call me in the club” “Large patch of sand?”

Sebastian: God nerfed me by making me queer (bonus: everyone knows motorcycles are a gateway to gay)

Shane: It’s like riding a bike: you try it once, crash into a tree, and never do it again

Traveling Cart Merchant: The best I can get is barbecue toothpaste

Vincent: It's got hooves. But it's a cat. But it's a dog. But it's on fire. And it's got horns. (Bonus: Be prepared for an Oreo to fall out of your bed)

Willy: You might like getting choked but turtles don’t so keep your FUCKIN plastic out of the ocean

Witch: I’m gonna steal Jesus cheese

Wizard: I’m minding my own business, you should try it (bonus: The lgbt community came from a rainbow bird the size of a giraffe)

Thanks and credit to @just-yelling-dark-vengeance and @kennysbog for most of the things on this list!

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dreadlock-detective · 7 years ago

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Diary Entry List

Whoooooo boy I haven’t updated this since this original post, so to keep things simple I’m just going to plop 4 entries (2-5) into this post after the cut. Middle of the night post, but eh, figure there’s not a large audience for my D&D writing anyway~ Sooo yeah! Cut!

Entry #1 is here

Entry #2: Soap and Snakes

Geeze, so much has happened I'm already forgetting stuff! Okay, so back to the banquette real quick, because a few more things happened that I totally forgot about somehow! First, there was a representative from Delzimmer there, but they wouldn't help me get a payment sent over to you. They refused to deal with the Barons at all. Not that I can blame them, but it's just like some cushy family in Delzimmer to be as helpful as a bucket of vom. The Soverin... Soveren... Sovereign’s daughter did some kind of magic prophecy reading thing and long story short: something about three shadows of different colors all about horrible things happening... Essmer knows more about it than me. Didn't sound pleasant though. She passed out afterwards too. Sounds bad but I've got enough to worry about at the moment than some spooky divination or whatever. I guess that's the reason I've got this job though so I guess I'm glad she's seeing whatever it is!

It wasn't all doom and gloom though! After the Sovereign and most everyone left the hall Essman and Niles started playing music and Sir Veil asked me to dance! I mean, I have NO idea how to dance in a ballroom, fancy dress, and shoes, but I guess Veil doesn't either so it wasn't TOO embarrassing! Essmer got in with the dancing too after a bit with some dwarf lady who's dad didn't seem too keen on her being around such an old drunk human. It was quite an evening!

The next day we get prepped to head out north into the wilderness towards some old church. The Sovereign's son was our contact to help us. He's... much more what I'd expect from “nobility”. Stuck up, unpleasant, untrusting, and rude. We were able to get some nice horses, a cart, and some basic supplies but he wouldn't so much as help us get medical supplies, saying I am supposed to be able to take care of everyone! I'd be flattered if he actually thought that highly of me, but I'm sure he was just using me as an excuse to be a cheapass. Only towards us lowly commoners of course – didn't see him complaining about the absurd amount of food at the banquet! He's not the only problem though. I swear that Niles is going to be a pain. He had to run out and buy bars upon bars of soap before he'd gallop off into the wilderness! We're not traveling for relaxation! Gods forbid he feel a bit sweaty or dirty! He didn't get any better when he lost his horse- OH! Yeah, okay so how Niles lost his horse!

We were trying to pass a big o' river in our way and Lucan found a nice shallower safe place to cross so we got all ready to go. Lucan led the way across to a sand bar with me, Veil, and Essmer in the cart behind him, with Niles picking up the rear, likely because he was too busy preening himself to keep up. Anyway, the cart just got to the sand bar when I turned around just... saw Niles's hat as he plopped into the river as a MASSIVE snake back arched over him! (I swear Sir Veil heard him and just kept the cart moving until I yelled out about it). So yeah, this HUGE snake, with a mouth the size of Veil's body had a hold of Niles's horse! I hit it with some magic and it was, just, wow, largest living thing I'd ever seen! It nearly killed Sir Veil too! Tried to gobble him up and drag him away! But Sir Veil managed to kill it and claw his way out! I was actually worried for a moment but Sir Veil really can hold his own against monsters. Niles might be worthless and Essmer a drunk but with Lucan leading the way and Sir Veil to fight off anything that comes our way I think we really do have a chance out here!

He and Lucan managed to pull it's giant mass over to the far bank of the river and Lucan and I helped Lucan cut it up and dried out as much of it as we could! It's at least a week or more's worth for all five of us! Maybe if this doesn't pan out we can turn to hunting river snakes or something. Niles's horse didn't make it though, and he was super moody the whole rest of the way to the church. Guess that soap can't wash away his screw ups~! We're at the old church now – some old orc lady seems to be in charge here. Guess we'll be helping out around here for the moment. More on that after it happens I suppose!

Love ya!

Entry #3: Sheep Eaters

It'll be hard to sleep after tonight so I guess I may as well stay up and write a bit. Um. I guess I'll start with the reason for that and then end on a happier note. Maybe that'll help. But anyway, short version is we left the church outpost to look for a roaming shepherd who had complained about his animals being killed in the night – stripped down to the bone without a sound. Well, we found him and stayed up all night to watch his sheep and GUESS WHAT, WE FOUND THE PROBLEM. Giant. Bugs. Centipede or Millipede or something. Horrible things! Borrowing up from the ground! They came up everywhere! Their bite had some sort of paralyzing venom in it! You couldn't feel a thing! That's why the sheep never made a noise as they got eaten alive! Same thing nearly happened to Niles and Lucan too! And me! Thankfully Sir Veil was behind me and saw the one that had crawled up my back! Lucan got bit pretty bad but Sir Veil and I were around to help him. Niles though, he nearly didn't live through it! Thankfully I had just enough energy left to blast the last one off him before it could finish him off. Didn't have anything left to actually heal him up afterwards, but better than dead. Essmer got bit up too but not enough to take him down, thankfully.

That was terrifying. I don't really feel like sleeping anymore.

But on to the less horrible bits... not exactly pleasant ones but are less likely to give me nightmares. I went out scouting alone with Lucan for a day. First time I had been separated from Sir Veil in a while. Was kind of nice to remember I can still survive just fine without him watching out for me all the time. I screwed up bad though! I got excited since Lucan is also elf blooded so I asked him about his parents and... well... they're dead. The whole rest of the day was awkward after that. I'm such an idiot! And we didn't find what we were looking for, but we did find the tracks for that shepherd we followed later. The only other major thing I can think of to talk about is the big cat the store owner at the church had! Not sure what it was really but it was huge! Seemed to be fond of Sir Veil. He really is just a large weird kitty man! Growled like a demon when the rest of us went near it though! Niles tried to use some kind of magic on it and the shopkeep nearly slit his throat for it! She and Sir Veil insisted I try to pet the cat too... thought it was going to rip my face clean off... apparently it's just some game the shopkeeper lady taught it to do! I thought I was going to die! That's not a funny joke to play on someone!

Okay no thinking about that did not make sleeping any more appealing, really... I think the rest of them are looking to take on a group of bandits that have been harassing the church lately next. Not sure how many of them there are and I'm worried we're going to get in over our heads but I guess I'd rather fight some thugs than those bugs again. And now I'm thinking about the bugs again. Great. This hasn't helped at all. I'm done for tonight...

Entry #4: -

I'm not sure I want to write down how I feel about the last few days... But I want to keep this up to date so I'll at least talk about part of it. The shortest version is, I was very, very wrong before. Those bugs were not worse than fighting bandits. I mean, they honestly were probably a bigger threat but... watching bugs get smashed isn't nearly the same as it happening to people...

We found the trail of the bandits easily enough thanks to Lucan but he noticed the fresher set of tracks was headed back down south towards the church. Naturally we couldn't let the church go undefended so we took off after them and caught up to them earlier than we expected. They ambushed us in the tall grass with a few dogs and five or so men but they didn't put up too much of a fight. I focused on keeping people alive while the rest made pretty short work of them until their boss (some fatter man) came into view with a larger crossbow and fired a bolt straight into my shoulder. That, of course, got Veil rather upset but before he could do anything I went to fire a blast of radiant energy back at the man! It... behaved strangely. The glowing light slowed, dimmed, and burst into blackness! I tried to wander out of it but I couldn't find the end of it! I was beginning to think I had actually blinded myself when Essmer managed to dispell it with his glowing magical rock thing he made! By then the rest of the fight was over... I'm not terribly sure what happened but Essmer went off into the grass towards the rest of the noise and next I knew they were dragging the body of the bandit leader with them, now with most of his head caved in and a gaping wound in his chest.

We opted to head back north rather than return to the church for the night. Not a great idea, turns out, as rhinos of all things showed up and stomped out our camp fire and wrecked a bunch of our stuff. Especially Niles' tent. Thankfully they left without any major damage. The next day's travel we could see this gigantic tree off in the distance for the longest time. Before we slept, Veil and Lucan ran ahead to check out the tree, since that was an obvious place for a bandit camp. They didn't return until nearly the end of my shift on watch well into the night, exhausted and bleeding – the tree was a massive illusion that covered not just the tree but the area around it! Where the tree itself was stood a large watchtower and around it was a few cabins. Veil had broken the illusion when he got up to touch the tree and got shot with an arrow for his efforts. The two fled and ran in circles the rest of the night to throw any pursuers off their trail. When they got back they quickly passed out from exhaustion.

The next morning we went to attack as a group. Lucan snuck in first but was spotted and rushed out only for the rest of us to rush in. Niles, surprisingly, led the charge, ignoring the forward guards and their dogs and went straight for the tower! As for the rest of it, I'd honestly not like to write about. It was... barbaric. We all came out of it fine enough but... I don't know... it wasn't what I expected...

Entry #5: Sanguacon

It’s been some time since my last entry. The battle isn’t quite as distant a memory as I wish it was, but the fear has died down a bit at least. We found plenty of supplies in the camp so it was decided two of us should head back to the church to let them know and return with horses while the others stayed back to watch the camp for other bandits. Sir Vale suggested we be the two to go… I wasn’t really feeling up to it, after everything, but I didn’t have it in me to argue so, away we went. There and back was a full week of travel, so it was a lot of time together. It was pretty awkward at first but… one night, the “Sanguacon” found us. The thing the sheep herder thought was attacking his flock originally. It was supposed to be a legend.

Snuck right up on me while I was on watch and got a good bite on my shoulder before I even knew what was happening - spun around to see this massive… THING! It was taller than Sir Vale, super bulky, with stumpy little arms and legs. Like some freakish fat bunch of flesh just globbed together and became some horrible freak! It definitely drank my blood too, and I felt weak after it. Thankfully my scream woke up Sir Vale and he rushed over to fight it bare handed. It got a good bite on him but Sir Vale, for some reason, bit him back. Tasted like death, apparently. I lit up its back with my magic which it really, REALLY didn’t like but instead of fighting us further it plopped away before poofing into mist. Nothing left. No trial, no body, nothing. It was pretty crazy scary to be sure. Where it bit us the wounds don’t seem to be properly healing over even with magic. You can still see where it got us. But as scary as it was, seeing Vale fight it… it’s hard to imagine much being scarier than the thought of being on the other end of his rage… I think I’m starting to understand something though. We’ll see if it pans out later I guess.

Aside from that run in with a myth the trip was otherwise pretty dull. The people at the church were amazingly happy to hear the bandits were dead though! They had a super huge drinking party to celebrate. Pretty sure they all felt that in the morning…Trip back was a little more lively, since we had two ladies from the church with us and didn’t run into any trouble. Apparently the camp had been just as dull - after the week of traveling we did, Esmer, Niles, and Lucan looked bored out of their minds when we got there. As it turns out we couldn’t fit everything onto one wagon and though we had two the others had found other trails away from the bandit camp so we decided to try to follow those and leave one of the carts there.

And that’s where we’ve been for days. Just… out… on a path in the middle of all this grass. It goes on forever in every direction. We came to a fork in the path. Chose to go straight north as we had been instead of northwest. Got attacked by a flock of huge crazy birds because THIS PLACE IS JUST THE WORST and all the animals here want us dead. And just after that we came to another fork… this one continuing north and the other going southwest… so they’ve decided we should abandon our current path and see where the two side ones meet up.

I can’t help but think, if Vale had just listened - if he hadn’t murdered that last bandit - we might already know where we were going. We may have been able to prepare. We could have set out instead of heading back to the church. Could have saved nearly two weeks of wandering around in this sea of grass.

I’m starting to miss the muddy dumps of Delzimmer somehow… And I miss you too, Dad. Hopefully I can make it through this in one piece and work up enough gold to get you out again.

Until then!

#Dindel's Diary #d&d stories #5e #Dindel #dreadlock detective #Dungeons and Dragons

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notalk-justthought · 6 years ago

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you already know what i'm going to say ho

I sure do

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about? nothing, im enjoying my saturday morning so far

Black Hole- What are you most afraid of? being alone

Galaxy- Do you have any nicknames? What are they? yeah. Oli by some friends, then for family, Lulu is the main nickname then there are nicknames for that nickname: Lu, Luna, etc. My dad calls me monkey, my stepmom calls me sister sometimes

Star- What song(s) do you feel describes you? I don’t know, I know a lotta songs, but idk which ones would really describe me

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)? yeah, I’m been trying to get through A Stranger in the House by Shari Lapena and Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. Then I’m reading some books for school, one’s interesting that’s called In Praise of Shadows by Jun’ichirō Tanizaki.

Planets- If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Any place with my friends

Mercury- Describe your aesthetic. I feel like I have a few aesthetics tbh, like one is artsy gay, ones like, this is gonna sound cheesy but “sunflowers and honey” lmao like nature and whatnot, one’s just dark colors, another is gay nerd.

Venus- What’s your favorite tv show? I can’t really think of my favorite show, but one I’m watching right now is called Hello, My Twenties. it’s really good so far! it’s on Netflix check it out!!

Earth- If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you want to be? There are a lot of people I would wanna be just to know what their daily life would be like

Mars- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change? to stop procrastinating so much, that would solve a lot of my problems

Jupiter- If you had to pick one color to use for an entire week, what color would you choose? I already wear blue a lot, so that

Saturn- How far would you go for those you care about? realistically, I don’t know, I’m not one to be confrontational but if adrenaline gets to me a bitch just might fight a dude

Uranus- What would you say is your greatest achievement? getting this far in life tbh

Neptune- Describe yourself in one sentence. I’m just a girl trying her best in these troubling times.

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet? Frida Kahlo

Constellations- If you could have one talent, what would you want it to be? (can be magical or not) uhhhh idk

Asteroid- When you die, what do you want to be done with your body? either be cremated and dumped someplace I liked or be cremated and use my ashes to help a plant grow

Aquarius- What’s a topic you enjoy learning about? I like learning about a lot of things, just any kind of information I can get my hands on tbh

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies? I wish I had the attention span I had when I was younger cuz then I could actually get through both of them without getting distracted or bored

Aries- What is something you enjoy doing? any kind of artsy thing like drawing, playing piano or singing, reading, writing, a lot of things

Auriga- If you had to pick one villain from any media, who would you rather have to face and why? probably like Dr Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb because he’s a pretty chill villain and isn’t that bad of a villain if we’re gonna be honest here, I mean, he cares about his daughter, he’s only focused on taking over the Tri-state area like he’s pretty down to earth

Bootes- If you could have any animal, wild or not, fake or not, which would you want? there are so many animals… there are cats, dogs, raccoons, foxes, dragons, chickens are fun to have, but kind of expensive sometimes

Cancer- How do you want to be remembered? I want to be remembered as being compassionate and an openminded person

Canis Major- How many friends do you have? uhhhh I know a lot of people, but friends, I have like… 10 good friends, wow that’s more than I thought

Capricornus- What’s a song lyric that you relate to? I know a lot of songs and I can’t think of one right now

Cassiopeia- What’s your favorite quote? the only one that I can remember and that I used for my yearbook quote was from The Aristocats, “Ladies do not start fights, but they can finish them.”

Cygnus- If you could go back to any time period for a couple days, when/where would you want to go? the early 2000s so I can actually experience that as an adult and not as a toddler

Gemini- Do you have any siblings? How many? I have one (1) brother

Leo- If you could change the way any movie was made, which movie would you change? there’s a lot of movies I would wanna change

Libra- If you could talk to your past self, what would you tell yourself? Things will get better, it’s not going to be perfect, but it will be better than it is now. You are loved by so many people. She won’t show it or say it often, but she really is proud of you and loves you so much.

Lyra- Would you rather be feared or loved? Loved

Orion- What’s your favorite type of weather? cloudy day with the sun behind the clouds

Pegasus- What’s your favorite music genre? I listen to a lot of different genres

Perseus- What’s your favorite movie genre? horror

Pisces- Describe someone you love without saying their name. She is very ambitious and knows exactly what she wants in life and it’s very admirable. She will stand up for the things she is passionate about or when something goes wrong.

Sagittarius- What do you do when you don’t feel well? What do you eat/drink? I don’t get sick often so I’m gonna interpret this as when I’m emotionally or mentally feeling down. I usually listen to music and try to focus on other things. I eat whatever I have near me (usually something sweet) and drink water

Scorpius- If you had to pick someone to betray you, who would you pick? No one??? I mean, I guess he sorta betrayed me but I don’t want people to betray me and I don’t wanna betray anyone

Taurus- What makes you feel comfortable? listening to music or hanging out with Daria or petting an animal

Ursa Major- If you had to pick any job to have, what job would you want? Something with graphic design, but mostly just a job at this point

Virgo- What do you value the most- artistic ability/creativity, musical ability, athletic ability, intellect, or work ethic? um artistic ability/creativity

Neutron- Are you more of a leader or a follower? it depends on the situation, I do better when someone has some leadership quality about them, but if I’m the only competent one in the group, then I’ll take up the leadership

Supernova- How do you feel about yourself? she’s trying her best and sometimes she does good and sometimes she’s a dumb bitch

Supergiant- What’s something you like about yourself? I like how I am very open to learning new things and have knowledge about different things

Red Giant- Would you get into a debate/argument with someone if you heard them saying something you disagree with or know to be wrong, or would you stay silent? I don’t get into arguments often so it depends on what the argument is about like if it’s something small, it’s fine and I won’t tell them, but it it’s something political or personally attacks me, I might let them know that they’re wrong

Red Dwarf- What’s your favorite smell? What smell makes you feel most comfortable? I like a lot of different smells, the smell of garlic cooking, the smell of being in the garden for a while, coconut lotion, coffee beans. The most comfortable smell is, okay this is gonna sound weird and kinda gay, but Daria, idk it just brings me comfort

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself. I can balance things on my head pretty well, I once balanced three discuses (disci?, it was a discus) for like a few seconds until they fell off my head (yes I did discus, only in middle school tho)

#ask #one-for-all-plus-ultra

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ghostcurse · 8 years ago

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1, 4, 11, 27

(((: thank you so much~

1. Your first OC ever?

So I mentioned her on my sideblog earlier, and I think you commented on it & I failed to, like, babble about her for you but at any rate

Beatrix De La Fontaine is my oldest character, I made her when I was 8 years old, and she’s gone through an array of changes that I can’t even like??? Fathom to begin talking about. I mean, after all, I was a child. And that still really shows in Beatrix’s personality.

The form that I consider her First Form because she actually had a set personality rather than just Oh Hey It’s Me, was the one I mentioned vaguely, but it’s definitely not the one where she developed depth. She was a magical girl with a giant scythe and her dad was fucking Naraku from Inuyasha. Someone even rped as Naraku for me, they were VERY nice and whimsical and I’m glad they’re one of the first ever people I para-rped with. I was about 12 then. I don’t know why Naraku. Why was I like that. Amazing.

Beatrix’s past has changed only twice, and one was a recent change. Because my friend and I created these ocs together, the collaboration of their past was very ridiculous and very edgy, because I have been goth @ heart all my life, while she was like… Something Corporate style punk depressed. Anyway I may only find it as ridiculous as I do because I’ve kept this up for well over half my life. At this point I’m too sentimental to change it.

Initially, she was the daughter of a death eater lol and he died in the war, and her twin sister was my friend’s oc. They were very evil. Like, chaotic evil. Evil because they wanted to watch the world burn. Eventually, the Twist was that their dad was still alive. Later, this was changed from Death Eater to Serial Killer. Why did he kill? I have no idea. It was goff. Beatrix by then was her own thing, a very childish and emotionally unstable teenager that didn’t deal well with her family affairs, but unconditionally loved her dad. She was the heir to her family’s fortune and she hated her mom. I thought that I could make it a bit more interesting, give up on all this internal misogyny I had for her mom (who was veeeery feminine and Beatrix often had weird internal rants about how she hated that). So, when I revamped her, I switched the roles: Her mother is the serial killer that she inexplicably loves, and fuck her awful dad. In a way, I feel bad for doing this, if only because a friend of mine took Bea’s dad and created something interesting out of him, but he was out of my hands at that point.

Beatrix isn’t a very good person, and I sorta let that mold into its own thing. She sometimes just doesn’t have much control over herself, because she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions, having been isolated in a dusty ol’ manor when she and her mother fled from home for a very long period of time. She was also hella neglected and started latching onto any form of sentimentality she could, making her love her mother and her younger (former twin b4 the change) sister Yvette, whom wrote to her, VERY intensely and without question. Charlotte was disowned by her family for numerous reasons, without like, going super in depth about her bc this is already p long. But in any event, where Beatrix currently stands, she isn’t very fond of her mother anymore and her sister’s corpse is sitting in her fridge while she desperately tries to learn necromancy. Thanks, ma.

Bea works as the head chef at a local diner, where she’s actually really normaling out, and she’s supposed to be kinda mature eventually, albeit still retains her childlike glee about things.

To think she used to be some scene kid.

4. A character you rarely talk about?

That’s quite a bit of them but let’s doooooo Ciel Volkov because he’s newer and therefore I haven’t spoken much about him.

He’s a very pretty boy, works as a chief assistant at the above mentioned Chancelier family’s company, so he like… works for The Big Man himself. In certain instances, his gender changes around, but canonically he’s a transman who’s transitioned via magic potion because fantasy settings ARE. GREAT.

He’s like, really nice but gets emotionally exhausted easily, so he lives in a small shitty apartment with his cat Lasagna Princess and loves it because he can binge on tv and video games while eating nothing but junk food and soda without people judging him (he has, like, six older brothers). Because he was a shit farmer and was often grounded as a kid, he developed talents with technology. Computers and shit are very primitive in my universe, but he’s talented af with them and is basically my Hacker Character. The fact that he’s Russian is seriously purely coincidental.

In DnD he’s a like… 7′0″ or s/t deva paladin that worships a dead god of time. It was great, because he was in a party with a cattine, a dwarf, and a halfling, so it was like…………………. ok guys stack on top of each other to meet Ciel’s eye level. I decided to sorta keep that in my lore for him, where he’s deeply lowkey religious. He’s also a time anomaly, which causes a lot of unreality issues for him. Sometimes he phases through timelines, albeit briefly. He uses light magic and while I haven’t figured out deities completely, he follows the sun bc the sun and moon talk to ppl it’s complicated.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

So as I sorta mentioned above, I sorta group my characters through sun & moon motifs, but the answer to this is very clearly Kaimana Ohme. He’s unconditionally nice, tho sometimes I like to be spiteful and play him as older and jaded, but he’s still a very good guy.

He’s a skater bro, vegetarian, pastel pink hair, loves the outdoors. He’s chill as hell and has a really welcoming family with his two moms and two adoptive siblings. Kai’s very big brothery and optimistic and stresses communication often. He’s also a HUGE crybaby. I don’t think I ever figured out his talent for magic, but he’s probably a wind caster. Gotta get that sick air, bruh.

I also associate him a lot with bright, sunny beaches, warm sunsets, oranges and pinks and blues.

I think, out of all my characters, he’s the most gentle and grounded emotionally. But he’s also wrestled his best friend to the dirt and forced him to eat grass because they got into an argument– and then immediately felt bad, so lmao.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Many of them have been, even if I can’t think of them all right now.

Trent Travis, my gigantic awful shitlord werewolf, was inspired by all of Lonesome Crowded West - Modest Mouse, but particularly Trailer Trash.

Murphy Urquhart, my Main Girl, came to life because of Besitos by Pierce the Veil, which I still actually use as a base for her even tho I don’t really listen to their music much anymore

#long post #the original father #my writing #extraterrestrialhag

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likeabulletyoucanhurtme · 6 years ago

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I watched another film and wrote about it. Not a horror this time, more of a fantasy film but some definite weird/horror visuals in parts Troll

I decide I want to watch films from listicles and stupid articles posted from facebook. I decide to do reviews/re-action blogs/liveblog posts, not because of the film but just if I have time/effort to put in. I was recommended to watch TROLL 2 as a horror and thought TROLL 1 would need to be watched first. Turns out they're completely unrelated but whatever, TROLL is an 80s fantasy film, but dark in its own way as we will see... Slow zoom into a book, sitting alone and light up from light through a stained-glass window. Could this film be anymore 80′s? The book opens and no-one's touched it! What a surprise... The moving company is called Starving Students, what a nice cheery company. I don't know if that's an actual company name or the directors real life situation. Dad drives off and leaves the family to load in the boxes and do the heavy lifting. Typical male avoiding hardwork, although I do like that the mum is doing all the heavy lifting Ignored daughter with the sickeningly sweet blonde hair and bunches has to chase her ball... she gonna dieeee! Yeah, disembodied hairy arm has now grabbed her-so long dear! The troll is small and hairy, doesn't look like he'd be much of a threat to people trying to cross a bridge Lovely weird green light - state of the art special effects here. Oh look the trolls now turned into the girl, I wonder if he knows enough about human anatomy to have thought this plan through? Or being a troll instead of human, will he not need to use the toilet? The brother is now looking for Wendy (the girl) and asks if she's been playing with dead cats? Like, why is that a valid question? Seems like the real Wendy was into some pretty freaky stuff even before this film Troll knows enough about English to carry on full conversations with the parents but can't eat properly Kids run out and suddenly they're running downstairs instead, they go out the front door and then coming back downstairs again - what Euclid geometry is in this building anyway Guys upstairs says he's into swinging...I don't know why you would mention that when meeting new neighbours Also they're having a full conversation while the fire alarm is going off, like ok there might be a fire but moaning about kids is definitely what you should be doing right now Dad is called Harry Potter...shame they didn't trademark that... Everyone seems to think this is a false alarm but how do they know? So lucky they're not getting burned right now. Dad is being slagged for being able to read, what a strange attitude for people who are literally in a book. Troll is trashing the place, tries to bite dad and still hasn't been controlled. Supernanny would have a lot to say about these parenting techniques Oh she was playing Godzilla, how does the troll know who godzilla is? Does he have access to Wendys memories because he now looks like her, or was horrible troll this up-to-date with pop culture? Breakfast scene in the morning was obviously filmed in the evening judging by the light coming in through the window Troll knows enough to dress himself as a little girl at least. Troll throws the brother at the wall and he can't admit it to his parents because the unrealistic and sexist pressures put on him by society wont allow him to admit he was beaten up by (what he thinks was) a girl Swinger from upstairs is a sexist alcoholic, oh dear how predictable. Troll has stabbed swingerman with his ring and now he's bleeding, swelling up and turinging green. I really hope people didn't think this was a kids movie cause that would cause serious nightmares Ah, he's turned into a plant. Troll is just trying to counteract global warming by turning pollutive humans into foliage. Now theres baby trolls and creatures coming out of this plantlike mess...are they his children? or did he turn the man into them?? this is so confusing Old lady has a weird singing mushroom type thing in her apartment on the top floor-she's obviously friends with the troll and the reason why the troll chose to live in their building specifically Boy casually accuses old woman he's just met of stealing. She seems to accept this with no indignation at all. Jr is oversharing with random old woman - no get out run away she's mixed up in it all! Having turned someone into a plant troll is now back to looking like Wendy and playing ball in the middle of the road Troll knows about godzilla but seems really confused at a taxi. Saved by a dwarf who I'm pretty sure was only written in to show how weird this film is. I hope he was paid well for this farce. Ex-marine across the hall is looking at maps on a pool table while holding a baseball bat, there's guns and trophy heads on the wall. It's like someone searched for "manly man" and filled the apartment with everything that came up on google "I've stared death in the face" "what does it look like?" What a very important question. Seems like in the 80s people cared less about where their five year old little girls were, stranger danger and parental responsibility obviously weren't a thing back then. Marine man is now also a plant that spawns weird creatures. "Harry fell down, I just don't understand any of this." Listen hen as far as you know your son just fell down-simple as. It's the audience that don't really understand this weird fucking film! Parents keep talking about the girls "little friend" and its the dwarf from earlier-100% written in so the mum could offer a 30yr old dwarf a glass of chocolate milk. Dwarf is at dinner apparently so he can recite a poem from memory, because why else would your daughter invite a 30ish english professor to dinner? Weird plantspawn creatures in the other apartments are singing to the tune of the poem...because reasons. Old womans mushroom tree thing with eyes is joining in - I knew she was part of it! Their song lyrics seem in consist of random syllables but I'm sure I heard "ebola" in their somewhere... Old woman looks creeped out, like you had the weird mushroom thing in your living room what did you think would happen? Jr is watching tv in his bed where apparently everyones pets are being turned into 'Pod Person From The Planet Mars'. Is this trying to tell us the trolls are aliens...? Another breakfast scene filmed in evening lightening... I wonder how the mushroom feels having a lampshade dumped on it everytime someone visits this old woman "Why are you here?... You're different?... It's not normal?" Jr is a cheeky shit to this old woman and is forgetting whose house he is in, and who is the only friend he has so far. Old woman used to be a princess but is now a witch, ok why not I'm sure there's a reason for this somewhere Troll-wendy knocking on a door and womans like "I have to get changed, you can stay here if you want" like NO BITCH get that creepy girl out of your house! Another apartments occupant turned into plants-although giving birth to a humanlooking female instead of more trolls now. Mushroom has followed Jr and old woman to the kitchen, how? Did it hop in its plant pot? Can it walk? Bf comes to meet the last person turned to a plant - DONT TRUST HER SHE WAS BORN TWO MINUTES AGO FROM A PLANT! Chase through the jungle in the apartment and now they're outside and there's four women for some reason... Troll is there back to looking like a troll, sorry dude he has stole your girl! Wherever this girl goes people keep offering her juice to drink. The 80s was obviously more trusting of adults, and adults were more friendly to weird kids showing up on their doorstep. Trollwendy looks upset that the dwarf is going to die, like he hasnt been killing people randomly all week. Michael (dwarfs) story is giving a real normal insight into the struggle of someone born with dwarfism, completely unexpected from this film. Nope, trollwendy is over it and looks like Michaels getting turned into a plant now. Didn't think that seriousness would last long Old woman knocking on doors with a golden spear like she's gonna fight the whole close. I wonder what she'd say if one of her neighbours actually did answer? "its the weekend" "do you know what day they dropped the bomb on hiroshima?" "a weekend, maybe?" I wonder who the hell wrote that and what were they smoking at the time? Harry Sr says the woman upstairs is the wicked witch of the west, very nice to slag off your sons only friend right in front of him. Wasnt that when you let Jr go to hers for breakfast! Jr is repeating lines from his Pod People tv show and Sr asks if his wife did drugs? Like his weird behaviour couldnt come from your side of the family? Or from an uncaring and inconsiderate father and the whole family moving house? Golden spear actually shoots lightening at troll creatures, who knew? Plants are taking over the hallway but when Jr gets to old womans house he neglects to mention the impending doom and just has some hot chocolate. "Before there were countries there was just one place with humans and faries" So, pangea? I didn't know they had faries. Geography would've been a lot more interesting if they'd told us that. Old woman was in love with a prince, prince fought with the fairies against humans, humans won, prince got turned into the troll. Apparently by taking over the whole building its actually a fairy universe and will burst forth and troll will have taken over the world... I think that's what she's trying to say? Why conquer countries all you need is a shitty apartment block! Also real wendy is still alive because the troll wants her to be a fairy princess, six year old and evil thousands of year old troll, real creepy arranged marriage Troll only has three days to take over the building-he's doing quite good he only has two appartments left. Troll has "always been melodramatic" apparently. Nah I think it's this acting and weird plot that's all melodramatic. Old woman unpins her hair and suddenly she's 50 years younger, it's true-a new hairdo can make you look different. Jr says he's waiting for a stray dragon, Sr doesn't ask where he got the large golden spear from. Old woman is now a talking tree stump after facing the troll, and her appartment now leads outside too "What is going on out there?" "I dont know but I'm listening to the tree" wise words Sr, wise words Troll stabbed his own monster to save the six year old, because apparently he cant find another blonde girl to be his princess. Well that was lucky but very stupid of him Family are now moving again but this time they just have a suitcase each, no moving vans this time somehow? Also that was the quickest packing I've seen I think that's stupid anyway, what's the chances a troll is gonna try and take over that exact same building in the future? That buildings probably the safest one cause if he tries again it'll be somewhere different. Police man tells them where the station is to make a statement - but they're not being arrested and I'm not sure what crime they think has been comitted? Ok so I was wrong, the laundry room is still a jungle and troll is killing policeman. Maybe a good idea to move.

#me #personal #film #Troll #liveblog #review #very 80s

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brett-buckner-the-dirt · 6 years ago

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It was an argument that belonged in Toys ‘r’ Us in 1986.

My Dear Ol’ Dad and I were arguing over toys. However, calling it an argument implies that one or both parties were speaking. Instead Dad sat in his recliner and groaned while I stomped around his living room, stuffing old He-Man action figures back into a box nearly as tall as my 10-year-old daughter, mumbling how “freakin’ stupid” this all was.

Meanwhile, Jellybean sat awkwardly quiet on the couch, trying not to laugh as two adults acted like children.

The reason it happened is a story of obsession repackaged as nostalgia.

o o o

Jellybean and I love a road trip. We make music playlists. We download episodes of Lore, our favorite podcast. She agonizes over which of her Squishies to take (speaking of obsessions: but that’s another column), and the movies she’ll end up not watching.

Dad lives in the literal woods outside of Milledgeville, Ga. It takes us about two hours to get there. We hang out with my 94-year-old Granny. Her mind and memory are steadily slipping into darkness, but seeing us seems to brighten her day a bit. My step-mom (seems weird for a 43-year-old man to use the term “step-mom”) cooks a huge meal – most of which we thankfully take home for leftovers. Dad and I talk sports, the weather, and his eternal effort to cut acres of grass in June with a push mower without dropping dead of heatstroke.

Dad’s house is also where my old toys live.

To be clear, these toys no longer belong to me. They belong to Dad. He saved them, or rescued them, rather. For whom and why is a bit of a mystery, but he has done these things, and I’m grateful for the effort.

Most of the time.

An original Star Wars poster

Jellybean surrounded by my old toys.

o o o

There’s a fine separating a hoarder from a collector.

I, like my father before me, consider myself a collector because the things I covet have real world value. Unlike those sad bastards you see on AMC who refuse to throw away dot-matrix printers or open salsa from the Reagan administration, the stuff we keep can be sold on reputable web sites like Ebay to grown children as equally odd and enthusiastic as our selves.

The internet, in addition to amateur porn making it seem like every housewife in the world is a secret sex freak, has legitimized collecting. If you own it, you can bet there’s someone out in the nooks and crannies of cyberspace willing to pay you for it … not that Dad nor I would do that. Thus we own things most find silly and hold on to it for decades because, “I’ll be really valuable one day.”

That’s what I’d like on my gravestone – “It’ll be valuable one day.” Maybe that’ll make Jellybean think twice before dumping all my cool stuff off at Goodwill.

So, if hoarding is placing an irrational, emotional attachment on crap, then collection is putting irrational, emotional attachment on crap of relative value.

Dad has been grade A collector since before I was born. My Dear Sweet Mother shares tales of Dad in cut-off jeans digging around the dump for antique bottles. Over the years he’s given me some of these very bottles. I love stuff with a story behind it.

Dad isn’t exactly an outlier in the family.

Both Mom and her mom were collectors – mostly animals. At one point, grandmother could have been the Noah of miniature animals. She was raising miniature horses and miniature goats. There was also a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and Chinese pug named Mr. Wong. Granted, these animals weren’t technically miniature, but they were small and round, so they fit under the umbrella.

Grandma with Georgia Girl, 1990

My Dear Sweet Mother provides safehaven by fostering homeless dogs and feeding some of the saddest stray cats the world’s ever seen, not to mention that her own two yippee dogs eat better than she (or I) do.

I’m a sucker for dogs, but I don’t trust cats. I feel like they’re all plotting against me. Plus, they’re arrogant, hateful and unwelcoming of love. Cats don’t care about you. That’s why I never understood the whole lonely old cat lady cliche. If you’re lonely – get a dog. If you’re a sociopath – get a cat.

My collecting has gone through stages. There were comic books, then CDs (at one point, I had about 3,000). Mostly, I collect books (especially Stephen King hardbacks) and juvenile-looking pop-culture or favorite-rock-band referencing T-shirts.

Pretty proud of my Stephen King bookshelf

Then there’s the toys.

I don’t scour thrift stores and flea markets for old toys, like I do for books (or vinyl). Rather, I save my old toys … or, more to the point, I save the old toys that Dad chooses to give to me for birthdays and Christmas.

And this brings us to the crux of what will go down as the most absurdly passive-aggressive argument in the history of father/son relationships.

o o o

I wanted to take some of my old toys home for my grandson – AKA Bam-Bam – to play with. The thought of sharing my old toys was a kind of grown-up wish fulfillment.

Dad was cool with this … to a point.

What he couldn’t say out loud, and I didn’t understand was that he liked having my old toys around (and by “around” I mean in a huge box in the back of closet) because they reminded him of me when I was a kid.

Yep … that’s a Donny Osmond doll.

Who doesn’t love the Lone Ranger

Damn, I loved Godzilla

Taking them away was like removing those memories, and Dad didn’t like that. But rather than verbalize this, we acted like two spoiled kids throwing a temper tantrum in the K-Mart toy aisle because our mom said we could have either the G.I. Joe action figure with Kung-Fu grip, or the He-Man action figure with battle armor, but not both.

That’s right: my father and I were in a standoff over G.I. Joe and He-Man.

It started after lunch. I was dividing the box into piles of “Keep” and “Put Back.” Given the disturbing number of leg-less Beast Man toys and at least three Skeletors that been snapped at the waist. All laid out, the ruins looked like a full-color shot from Gettysburg (had North and South battled an alien race jacked up on steroids).

And while we’re on the subject: why are He-Man figures so terribly bow-legged. Those poor souls should’ve been fitted with Forrest Gump braces before shipping ‘em out.

Anyway …

The Put Back pile dwarfed the Keep pile, but I could feel Dad’s eyes on me. He wasn’t happy. Jellybean, on the other hand, was having a blast naming random Mortal Combat, Dungeons & Dragons and Go-bot figures – “Tough Guy,” “Mr. Magic,” “Scooter,” and “Jason.”

Finally, Dad broke the growing silence and tension with, “So how many are you planning on taking?”

“I don’t know, Dad,” I answered, spitting that last word out like the petulant child I was devolving into. “I haven’t decided.”

But the spell was broken. The fun of revisiting my childhood was spoiled. I was pissed. It was time to go home. Like any child, I muttered things under my breath that I was too cowardly to say out loud (a habit I had as an actual child) and slammed all the toys back into the box. I even snatched some out of the hands of an awkwardly dumbstruck Jellybean.

Jellybean was still giving hugs and waving goodbye as I stomped out to the car.

Before slamming the car door, I shouted, “Hope you had a happy birthday, Dad” with all the venom I could muster, sounding like Brad Hamilton pounding on the bathroom door after getting fired from All American Burger. (“Hope you had a hell of piss, Arnold!”).

My temper tantrum was played out by the time Jellybean and I hit the highway, but I was still trying to make sense of what had just happened. That’s when my wonderfully pragmatic daughter spoke up:

“Well, daddy, I see your side. But I also see Papa Don’s side. You wanted to give those toys to Jase, but he doesn’t really know Jase, so he wanted to keep them because they make him think of you as a kid. You’re all grown up now and don’t really play with toys – at least not as much – and he kinda has a hard time letting go of that.

“He wants you to have them, but he also wants to keep them.”

Well. Crap. I turn the car around.

I met Dad on the porch and like men uncomfortable with expressing their feelings, we communicated mostly through grunts, head nods, shoulder shrugs, and more hand gestures than a third base coach being attacked by killer bees. We agreed, finally, that the whole thing was a silly misunderstanding.

Two days later a priority mail package arrived at my door stuffed with He-Man action figures. By the next weekend, Bam-Bam was bashing and battling all over the house like just another blonde-headed kid did once upon a time at his father’s house.

Watching him play made me happy, and I know it would’ve made Dad happy, too.

Bam-Bam and Buzz-Off

A boy and his toys

Two grown men arguing over toys It was an argument that belonged in Toys ‘r’ Us in 1986. My Dear Ol’ Dad and I were arguing over toys.

#fathersandsons #He-Man #kids #squishies

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