#weathur gives me note clout

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the fallout new vegas dlcs have super OP end-rewards, like

Dead Money has the 37 gold bars

Honest Hearts

Old World Blues has the body upgrades and the stealth suit

Lonesome Road lets you put a point into SPECIAL

honest hearts’ op reward is that you’re done playing it

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(bertram tung voice) it’s not “lumpy” cupcake it’s ribbed for her pleasure

the warrens are a fucking nightmare

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nosferatu slang: raw, meaning “without Obfuscate”, especially in situations where one risks being seen by mortals. examples: “i never go raw on the city surface”; “you completed that stealth mission raw?” “she’s seen you raw and still wants to hit it? man she’s a keeper”

I love it, headcanon accepted, and now I can’t help but think of toreador overhearing like

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NSFW stands for NoSFeWatu

obfuwuscate

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i always picture jake the dog saying bender’s lines and i always picture smiling jack saying jake the dogs lines. i love it when voice actors do a bunch of unrelated characters

jake the dog is actually high humanity jack using protean

fun fact velvet’s va is also the sexy underground tram system in psychonauts 1 and boy i was not expecting that

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beckett: hello

malkavian fledgling, who has read the vtm books and played the games: (don’t think about his eight inch dick don’t think about it) uh hi are you here about the ankaran karpaneus AH i mean the saschavykos no i. fuck. well since i took the time to dracula I MEAN drag you here with me i

beckett, absolutely unbothered: ah, malkavian

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athanasia: how do three generations of nosferatu not have a single point of animalism between them?

elaine: …

casimir: i—

mary: the final nights are upon us

athanasia, forever disappointed her line thru elaine focus more on obfuscate and hiding than communing with nature and accepting their new kinship with beasts

feeling existential horror about how you gotta feed from and manipulate humans? hang out in nature more dummies

kindred equivalent of “CAUSE YOU ALWAYS ON THAT DAMN PHONE”

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(southland slasher about to murder someone) op op op. oppa gangrel style

why do you do this

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oh yeah i love vampires. lestat, lady dimitrescu, edward cullen, *looks at smudged writing on hand* Catbutt Bucket,

it’s his alias

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ever get the urge to take fictional characters who aren’t even vampires and assign them a vtm clan? for example the phantom of the opera is a nosferatu. lady dimitrescu is a tzimisce as are the rest of the re8 lords, and mother miranda is their sire. sans undertale? gargoyle. princess mononoke is a gangrel. edward cullen is a thinblood

100 percent. Latest was What We Do in the Shadows; Viago is probably toreador, maybe ventrue, Vladislav is Tzimisce, Deacon gives me sabbat toreador vibes, Petyr is obviously nosferatu, and Nick is a rogue agent

It makes media fun

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headcanon: Andrei Vtmb is his actual name. we don’t just call him that for tagging purposes. his surname is from a little known dead language from thousands of years ago with no linguistic relatives. the closest transliteration we can get is Vtmb. andrei is a name he chose for himself and, like pisha, no one knows what his birth name was or even remotely how to spell or pronounce it. his full legal name is Andrei Vtmb, it’s on his passport and everything

sold

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had another vtm dream. dreamt that i was the tzimisce fledgling (!!!!) and my sire a camarilla antitribu but i would try super hard to not seem tzimisce bc i was ashamed of it for some reason? like how ilias cel frumos passes for toreador except i wore clans like outfits. anyways i was at the last round in my brujah disguise and one of my vamp friends said “i dare you to try and seduce a brujah” so naturally i picked smiling jack. i approached him boldly and was like “so you were a pirate? you must have gotten p***y on every continent” and “if you’ve been looking as good as you do for the past 300 years you must have racked up quite a body count. bet you know your way around a woman” and at first he was like 🤨 but then he was like 😏 and baby did her first vicissitude by making my legs a bit longer so i was taller than him. then i basically did this to him

and then he was putty in my hands

(im into it)

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secret third chapter of blush of life is just mary talking to beckett like like “so. you fuck. bertram fucks. jeanette fucks and fucks often. nines fucks. *i* fuck. hell, even lacroix got pegged! but no one has touched gary golden’s goblin dick since the 50s? yeah i can believe that”

you gotta read chapter 2 translated to finnish and back to english to unlock the chapter 3 easter egg which is just a 30 megapixel jpg of mary going NO BITCHES? at gary

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deviantart stamp from 2010: real vampires don’t sparkle!

toreadors: see prince, this is evidence that my use of presence won’t break the masquerade. no one thinks vampires actually sparkle

twilight was a cultural event both in the human world and the world of darkness

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new vegas companions as vampires

arcade: true brujah

boone: gangrel

cass: giovanni

ed-e: n/a, has no blood

lily: nosferatu

rex: someone’s ghoulified dog

raul: thinblood

veronica: brujah

bonus round! the dlcs

dog/god: malkavian of course

dean domino: ventrue

christine royce: banu haqim

joshua graham: ventrue (his sire was caesar)

follows chalk: really really wants to be embraced by joshua but joshua isn’t sure ventrue is the best fit for him and that he should be embraced as a clan from his tribe

waking cloud: gangrel

dr klein: ventrue methuselah

dr dala: toreador methuselah

dr 8: malkavian methuselah

dr 0: tremere methuselah

dr borous: can’t decide if cappadocian or gangrel

dr möbius: tzimisce

and last but not least, Ulysses: Toreador

arcade with the true brujah rep we need

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mary: i am in misery

bertram: i save dick by giving it cpr

knox: reese’s puffs reese’s puffs eat ‘em up beat ‘em up eat ‘em up beat ‘em up

nosferatu golden trio